Birthday Girl (2001) Movie Script

Running, reading...
going out, staying in...
the countryside...
films... if they're good.
Intelligent, of course.
pretty, I suppose.
But it's not critical.
Someone you can really
talk to.
I think communication
is key.
The most beautiful girl
in the world
Picks my ties out
she eats my candy
She drinks my brandy
The most beautiful girl
in the wo-o-rld...
I came from Moscow,
and, um... I'm looking for
perfect husband.
...Older than me,
about 5 years.
Hello. My name is Tanya.
I don't want anything fat.
I don't like stingy man. Johnny Depp.
He's got passion.
He's good-looking.
...Who care about family,
who loves children.
I like friends.
I do wild things.
I'm actually looking for
somebody who could control that.
I like "Earth, Wind, and Fire,"
my favorite group.
...To the one and only
beautiful girl in the world
John: Okay,
when you think about it,
England is just a small island.
I mean, I know that gives you about
20 million girls to choose from.
But if you live in a small town
and you work long hours,
you're just not gonna get
the chance to meet them all.
But I suppose I never
really believed in that stuff
about falling in love
with the girl next-door.
I mean, for a start,
I never had a girl next-door.
But where does it say
that you have to meet
the love of your life
in the local supermarket?
We all have someone
in our past...
one skeleton, if you like.
We've all got at least one person,
as it were, under the patio.
Not literally, of course.
I should say that some people,
on the face of it,
might not understand
what I'm doing.
They might think
it was a bit sad.
I think it's
quite a brave move.
Quite a brave...
reasonable thing to do.
Woman: Attention please. Flight
236 from Moscow has now landed,
and passengers are disembarking
at Gate 7.
Man: This is
a security announcement.
Would all passengers ensure
that they keep their luggage
with them at all times.
Unattended baggage
will cause a security alert.
Woman: Flight 179 from Rome
has now landed...
I'm... I'm John.
Is that everything?
It's about 40 miles
from here.
Don't know if you've had
a chance to look at the map.
Close to London,
but it's a city in itself.
I'm having a problem
with ants.
It's the warmer weather.
I can't seem to find
the nest.
Do, um...
this is strange, isn't it?
I mean ants, you know? I'm
having a problem with ants.
It looks like
it might rain.
So, you're a smoker.
I thought you were
a nonsmoker.
Sorry. Do you understand
what I'm saying?
- Yes.
- Good. Good.
- Or should I speak slower?
- Yes.
Do you... Do you follow
or should I speak slower?
Um... are you a giraffe?
Oh, Jesus.
Jesus Christ!
This is John Buckingham
from St. Albans.
I need to speak to you
absolutely urgently.
There's been a mistake.
She doesn't speak English.
Repeat... she does not
speak English.
Please call me back
as soon as possible.
It's critical.
Your letters
were in English.
Good English. You said
you'd studied English.
Whoa... um...
That's for you.
I can't take that.
I can't take that.
I'm... I'm not really
a ring guy.
That's no big deal.
Yep. Thank you.
John Buckingham again.
If anyone's there,
could they please call me back
as soon as possible?
It's an emergency.
Repeat... emergency.
Man on TV:
Absolutely right.
Percival Lowell, who predicted
the existence of the planet Pluto,
was a champion of the theory
that intelligent life
once existed on which planet
of the solar system?
- Mars.
- Correct.
John: That number again...
St. Albans. 0724935.
I'll be here all night.
And if you get this message,
if anyone gets this message...
You should go now.
We'll... We'll talk
in the morning.
Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
This is Mr. Buckingham again.
It's now Monday
at 7: 15... 7: 16 a. m.
It is now imperative
that you call me back
as soon as you receive
this message. Thank you.
Woman on recording: You have
reached "From Russia With Love. "
If you are interested
in any of our services,
please leave us
a message...
this isn't gonna work.
I'm sorry.
I'm booking a flight
for you... today.
I'm sorry.
Man: "John Buckingham, deputy head
of new business, yearly report.
"John listens
and comprehends well.
"When communicating, he selects
the most efficient methods
"and displays effective
verbal-communication skills
in dealing with both
customers and colleagues. "
Could you cash this,
So, John, did you have
a good weekend?
Uh, yeah, pretty good.
Do anything special?
Do you want it
in 10s?
"In January, John narrowly
missed promotion
"to head of new business
at the branch,
"but was rewarded in March
"when he became a trusted
holder of the keys to the vault.
"This was to mark 10 years
on-the-floor service.
"Customer relations...
although John
"is sometimes reticent
in engaging with customers,
"on one occasion,
"John showed first-class
communication skills
"in a delicate
customer situation.
"Problem solving...
"John identifies most problems
within appropriate time frames.
"He usually resolves
or minimizes most problems
"before they grow
into larger problems.
"As a local boy,
"John is a recognizable face
to customers,
"and so a valuable tool
"in maintaining
lasting relationships,
"although John still has some
reluctance to... or has problems in...
"carving out new relationships
face to face.
"John makes able decisions
in most areas of his job.
"John follows instructions
"and responds well
to personal directions...
"and in most situations,
assumes responsibility
"for his own actions
and outcomes.
"On the whole, John grasps the central
principles of banking for the new century.
"He understands
and responds to
"the power structure
on the floor.
"In conclusion, John should be
satisfied with his performance.
"This has been a sound,
workmanlike year for him...
...much the same as last year. "
Thank you.
I think that's very fair.
Good. Good. Very good.
So, how did that feel?
It feels...
It felt good. Weird.
It's called
"Trust... And... Letting Go. "
Trust... And...
Letting Go.
Made you a cup of tea.
Are you okay?
Today... bahd-day.
I- I don't understand.
- Today.
- Today.
Happy birthday!
Happy birthday!
- Birth-day.
- Yes. Happy birthday.
- Yes! Party. Party.
- Par-ty!
Yes. Party, party.
Happy birthday
to you
Happy birthday
to you
Happy birthday,
dear Nadia
Let me get it.
I'm sorry I'm late.
I told you I'd make it.
I told you she was beautiful.
Hey, John!
John, John, John, my man!
Hey, let me look
at you.
Oh, beautiful, beautiful.
One... One minute.
Nadia, meet my new guitarist,
Alexei, this is Nadia.
You'll love him.
He's a riot.
Happy Birthday.
How's that, huh?
We can't drink our own piss,
can we, John? Hey?
Hang on.
Um, sorry. Who are you?
Glasses, get some glasses.
Uh, what are you...
what are you doing here?
Sorry, eh,
you've lost me.
Hold on.
He doesn't speak Russian?
- No.
- He can't speak Russian!
You don't speak Russian?
Say, uh,
say these are my friends.
How do you say "friends"
in English?
Friends, friends!
Nadia, Yuri... friends.
He's got a wicked pad.
I wanted to say
you might be coming,
Yes. Nadia. Okay.
She wants to tell you
that, you know,
her English is so shit,
no one speak Russian, so it's
very, very hard for her, you know.
The light...
for the cake.
Okay, Nadia...
happy birthday!
Hang on, hang on,
hang on.
I need to know
who you are first.
We are Russian.
Yes, I know.
A- and?
And what?
Oh, from the beginning.
Nadia is my little cousin,
except she's not my little cousin,
but we say "little cousin. "
Is it good?
So you're... you're both
Nadia's cousins?
No, no, no, Alexei
doesn't speak English.
We are actors.
Although he is
He is very, very good.
I'm not so good.
I just strum along.
He makes me look like
a retard.
He smokes me.
No, I don't mean
he "smokes" me... you know?
You... You say "smoke"
in England?
No, okay. So I can say
"he smokes me," huh?
So I come to England with
other actors to make shows.
And I meet this crazy guy
from Novgorod.
I tell him about you, about
chicken, and birthday cake.
And here we are!
So how... how long
will you be in England?
Oh, plans.
Come on.
Plans are for architects,
politicians, not for us.
Uh, but you must have
a visa or something?
Are you asking me
for my documents?
- No.
- Yes, you are...
Get this.
He's asking me for my passport.
Okay, John, yes.
I've put on a few pounds.
Come on, John.
Don't tease him.
John, please.
Can I have a light?
So... John, you have nothing
to say to your fiance?
Maybe to a wife of 40 years,
I can understand.
But... come on. You speak and I
will translate if you want, okay?
I will help you.
- Hello.
- Hello.
Yuri: "Hello. " She say
"hello" to you, John.
It's good.
Go for it.
Do you like England?
That's a classic.
Do you like England?
Hey, whew!
Thanks God she say "yes"!
Go, go, go, go.
Can't think
of anything.
Tell him
I have a secret to tell.
Okay, now, Nadia...
she has secret to tell.
Okay, she says that
she watched you at airport...
I saw you standing there
by the gate...
She says,
When I was a little girl,
my father had these beautiful,
old glasses for watching the birds.
Binoculars. Okay.
That he had kept from the war.
I would pretend binoculars
was a camera,
and I would take pictures
of the things I loved.
The day before
I left Russia,
my father gave me
the old binoculars...
And he said that when I was to
see you, I was to stand far away...
And look at you
through the binoculars...
and if you were a bad person,
I could run away.
She say,
She took picture...
In the head.
Took mental picture.
Okay. Take picture.
Closer. Closer.
Hey! Is like
Hollywood, eh? Come on.
A 1... 2... 3! 3!
John, John, John,
John, John!
John! We can see you.
Come in. Come in.
Alexei: John.
Some rabbit.
Hangover medicine
for yesterday.
- You want some?
- No. No, thank you.
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!
Hey, John! John!
Hey, John!
Look... John!
You've got something
on your face.
Stop that! That hurt!
One... two... three!
I won!
I won!
I won! I won!
Hey! Hey!
What are you doing?!
I couldn't breathe!
You bastard!
Don't ever touch me again!
Hey, I told you
to leave her alone.
Can't you just
leave her alone?
Keep out of this.
So... I'm really sorry,
but I'm going to have to
ask you to leave.
Oh, I-I'm sorry, John.
It... It's not you.
Oh, it's my fault.
I should have maybe come alone?
It's okay.
You can stay tonight.
I'm sorry.
I don't know him that much.
Okay. I see you
tomorrow morning, we go.
Good night, Yuri.
Thank you very much, John.
You've been very kind.
- Thank you. Thank you, John.
- John.
Good night, John.
I'm sorry, John.
- What happened?
You're throwing me out?!
Sit down! Sit down!
What's he saying?!
Sit, sit, sit,
sit, sit!
- Alexei! Alexei!
- Leave her alone!
You think
you're better than me?
I beg you.
Now we'll see.
Let's see
if he's got any balls.
Put the fucking
kettle down!
You with your nice job
and your big house,
and you still have to
pay for a woman.
I don't understand.
You bought her. Let's see
what she's worth to you.
Oh, Jesus!
What are you doing?!
What do you want?!
What do you want?
Bank manager: Ah, John?
John, this is Robert Moseley,
head of Southeast new business.
Robert, this is
John Buckingham.
- Hello, John.
- Hello.
Thought you could give us
a tour this morning,
sort of be
our Indian guide?
- Right.
- Do you play?
Yes, I do.
That's John...
he's always surprising us with
his hidden talents, isn't he?
I was in a band.
Sort of like... very loud,
uh, very loud Marillion.
- Oh, yeah. "Script For a Jester's Tear. "
- Yes.
Come on, maestro.
Give us a tune.
I'll give you a tune
Take the ball
and run with it, John.
Good morning, John.
Hey, give us a tune?
- I'll give you a tune later.
- All right.
This is the, uh...
This is, um...
This is where we're doing
"Trust And Letting Go. "
Moseley: Yeah. We're not doing
this till the fourth quarter.
The result...
has it been beneficial?
John: Yes.
It's really weird
at first.
It's sort of, um, exciting and
frightening at the same time.
Wouldn't you say,
No, no, we're starting
to see results.
This is Karen
who's, uh, taking it.
- Hi. Robert.
- Hi. Hi.
So, what are you doing
here, exactly?
Karen: It's called "Trust And
Letting Go. " It's a kind of game...
Excuse me.
Hey, John,
Moseley's here.
Yeah, I'll give you
a tune later.
It's weird, isn't it?
Very good. So if you'd like to
swap places with your partners,
we'll try a bit
of mutuality.
Get into your place...
and brace.
And arms penguin...
and in the back, I want you
to really flex your knees.
Be ready...
Be ready to catch them.
Okay? And... go.
Yuri: I am so sorry, John.
So sorry.
Come on, you big
orange bastard!
Tell him he's got
what he wanted
and to let her go.
Thank you, John.
Thank you very much, John.
Fifty thousand.
Sixty-four thousand,
eight hundred.
There's over ninety grand
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Woo! Woo!
Split it up three ways.
- You owe me 150 pounds.
- What for?
I've been shelling out
for you all week.
What have you bought me?
When we went to
the Hard Rock Cafe...
when we went to see "Cats,"
who paid?
That's normal friendship stuff.
What was "Cats" like?
"Cats"... not bad.
Yeah, it was so-so.
I'd give it three stars.
- The sets were good.
- The sets were excellent.
Everything was very big...
the trash, coke cans...
so you felt cat-size.
It was really clever.
tell me...
how many times
did you have to fuck him?
You scared me
with the kettle.
How are you doing?
You okay?
Listen, uh, let me
show you something.
Maybe this is gonna
make it easy, you know?
Look, uh, look...
uh, this is, uh, German guy.
Okay? This is, uh,
This is, uh, Greek...
Greek guy.
This is, uh, a croupier.
This is a fat guy.
You see? No.
And this is, uh,
this is you.
Listen, John,
you know, uh...
they weren't... you know, they
weren't as good as you are.
You... you shouldn't
feel so bad, huh?
Okay, um, I need this.
Thank you.
Thank you.
It's enough, isn't it?
We can stop now.
Do you want to stop?
Well, stop then.
What's this?
What? It's nothing.
I burnt myself.
- Yeah? A rope burn?
- No. I did it cooking.
On both wrists?
I said I did it cooking.
Are you lying?
And that story...
the binoculars...
was that true?
I'm going to that arcade.
They've got GranTurismo.
Have fun.
I made you something.
Put it on.
I want to see if it fits.
- Do you like it?
- Yes.
- Say thank you.
- Thank you. Thank you.
We're going to have a baby.
Yes. I'm pregnant.
- What?
- We're going to have a baby.
I've been throwing up
for weeks.
It's yours.
What are we supposed to do
with a baby?
Think of a name for it.
John's been with us
for, uh, 10 years,
and, uh, I think I speak
for us all
when I say I hope he, uh,
I hope he gets 10 years.
Banking asks a great deal
of an individual.
It says, "Here's all this money.
Don't... steal it. "
We are insured for this sort of
thing, so it's not the money,
it's just... I sat next to him
for years,
and, uh, he seemed
perfectly normal.
Sort of, good-old John.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ooh!
Ooh... ooh...
You split my fucking lip.
Waitress: Good morning.
What can I get for you?
Uh, I'll have
an espresso with, um...
with a small pastry
or a croissant.
We only do a croissant
with the continental breakfast.
Uh, just... just give me
a coffee.
One coffee.
And for you, sir?
He'll have a coffee.
It makes it easier, okay?
It makes it faster.
I worked it out.
If I don't speak English,
the men, they...
they fall faster.
Look, they don't blame you.
When a bank employee does
this, they... they understand.
You get your life back.
Anyway, I bet... I bet
you hated the bank, huh?
Why else would you
send off for me?
L- if you just wanted sex,
just go to a prostitute.
Well, as it turns out,
I did.
- Here we are.
- Lovely.
- Splendid. Thank you.
- I don't want it. Take it back.
I'll... I'll have it.
- Lovely.
- Pleasure.
Oh, excuse me.
Where are we?
Uh, we're just
outside Newbury.
Do you know where
the nearest police station is?
Um, that would be
Two junctions
in that direction.
One or two.
I can't remember.
So about five
or ten minutes?
Five or ten minutes.
Not far.
Lovely. Perfect.
- Pleasure.
- Thank you.
John, uh...
John, I...
I need your help.
You must think I'm the
biggest pillock in the world.
I know you just want
to punish me.
I do.
I want to very badly.
So, what, y-y-you're...
you're just going to be...
How do you say...
In every sense.
If at all possible.
You can't hurt me
more than I'm hurt already.
Well, Nadia,
if it's all the same to you,
I'd like to give it
a bash.
My name is not Nadia.
John, in Russia, there is
no work for women.
Sometimes you get
drawn into something.
You don't know how
it's going to end.
- Here we go.
- What?
No, go on. I've been actually
looking forward to this bit.
"It's so hard in Russia in winter
that we have to eat each other.
"It's so cold that
we have to go to England
and shag people
to keep warm. "
I'm just saying... the life
there for women is very hard.
No, I'm sure.
The rest of the world is
not like St. Albans, John.
Well, thank Christ
for that.
So... Alexei... which
I know isn't his name...
- He will be back.
- I beg your pardon?
He left me my ticket
and passport.
It's pretty clear
he wants to see me again.
Yeah, actually, yes.
I tend to tie up and abandon women
I really want to see again, too.
No, but you tie them up.
Woman: Well, I was queuing up
at the checkout,
and I think I put my bag
on the floor...
All right, would you like to
give me some details, love?
- Where's the toilet?
- What?
I'm going to be sick.
Where's the toilet?
- No, you're not.
- I am going to be sick!
Nice one. How stupid
do you think I am?
Where's the toilet?
The what, love?
Where's the toilet?
Through that door,
up the stairs,
and it's just on
the left.
You're pregnant...
aren't you?
Can I help you?
Can I help you?
Hmm... no.
Thank you.
Reporter: ... And finally, a St.
Albans bank clerk is on the run today
after stealing 90, 000 in broad
daylight from his own branch.
John Buckingham,
who lived alone
and had been with the branch
for over 10 years,
was described by bosses
as a "workhorse. "
Now police are on the lookout
for a bright orange...
Oh, Jesus.
We'd better get off
this motorway.
- You got your passport?
- Yes.
- When's your flight?
- It's tomorrow.
I want you to know...
I appreciate this.
I'm sorry you're a fugitive
from justice.
So when you were
a little girl, you know,
running around Russia
with your binoculars on,
did you think,
"When I grow up, I want to
fuck loads of strange men,
"steal their homes, jobs,
and their dignity,
"but what I really
want to do
"is I want to end up on my own,
flat-broke, knocked up, bun in the oven,
back to Moscow
on an Aeroflot"?
So tell me, John...
did you say,
"When I grow up,
"what I want is
to still be in this town,
"in this job that I hate,
in a house with ants,
"and a big bag
of pornography,
"and then I'm going to send off
to Russia for a wife,
and she will fall in love
with me"?
What did you expect,
What did you really
expect to happen?
Hey, John, they're looking
for this car.
This is not
a very good plan.
Dear Nadia,
You are only girl in world.
I dream to talk.
What will happen?
How far is the airport?
What are we going
to do, John?
"This newly built, 2-bedroom
villa is peacefully seated
"in a hillside above the
stone-walled village harbour.
It has its own swimming pool. "
Ah, shit.
I have no more cigarettes.
So what happened
between you and the blonde?
The, uh, the short...
the one with the small eyes.
The one in your cupboard.
It's none of your business.
She didn't have small eyes.
Did she leave you?
Come on. Hmm?
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
Did she leave you?
Who'd she leave you for?
Her boss?
Your best friend?
A woman!
She's dead.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, I, uh...
I... don't know why
I said that.
She's not dead at all.
She's not...
- What?!
- Um...
I don't know why I said it.
I'm sorry.
She's alive?
She's alive?!
Laugh it up.
Go on.
You should stop smoking.
You're pregnant,
and you smoke like a bastard.
- I'm trying to quit.
- Well, it's not working.
I smoke more
when I'm unhappy.
Nobody's that unhappy.
Well, maybe I want to die.
Don't you want me to die?
I don't want anyone to die.
Oh, except for "Small Eyes. "
Except for "Small Eyes. "
So why did it end?
I don't know.
Mm. What was her name?
What's your name?
I've got three hours.
Maybe I can buy you
a coffee.
No. I-I shouldn't
be here anyway.
I think... I think
I'd better just go.
What are you going to do?
Uh... I don't know.
I got this, uh...
This is for you.
Yeah? No, thanks.
No. Please.
Why not, huh?
Woman: Would all passengers traveling
on B C C Air Flight 003 to Dusseldorf
please proceed immediately
to Gate 19,
where the flight
is now boarding.
Woman: Excuse me.
Could you please tell us where to
get the bus to... to Tate Gallery?
- Tate Gallery?
- Yeah.
- Excuse me.
- Just a minute, sir.
Excuse me. Sorry.
Excuse me. Sorry.
Excuse me.
Yuri: To the Skye Grand Hotel,
across the way.
Woman: The Skye Grand
Two Russians just came past
w- w-with a woman.
Which room are they in?
I'm sorry, sir. I'm afraid we
can't give out room numbers.
It's just that she...
she left something...
she left something
in... in my cab.
We'll make sure
she gets them.
Excuse me. Two Russians
are staying here.
Do you know
which floor they're on?
Yes. I know
which floor they're on.
And... And, um...
Which floor
would that be?
We've only got one floor.
...So easy to leave me
All alone
with the memory...
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, Jesus!
So you came back here
just to rob me?
Is that it?
So now we're even.
I panicked.
I'm sorry... we're square.
I've still
got my ticket home...
or Spain.
Come with us.
John! What are you doing?!
What the fuck
is John doing here?
Be careful.
That's the cigarette lighter
I gave you for Christmas,
isn't it?
Don't hurt him!
What do you care?
He came here with me!
You mean...
you mean you're together?
No! No, we're not!
It's not what you think!
I told you.
I knew...
I knew something was going on.
You don't know anything...
and you don't own me.
If you love him so much,
let's see you do it.
Do it.
I want to see how you do it.
What's he saying?
Come on. Show me.
Don't do this.
I'll make a big mess here.
You know I'll do it.
Do it.
You hate me.
And I showed you the world.
Don't leave me here.
At least leave me my share.
Your money's in his coat.
Woman: Passengers traveling
on Flight 461 to Moscow,
please proceed
to Departure Gate 4.
Your flight is now boarding.
Are you okay?
Okay. Goodbye.
So, what are you
gonna do?
I don't know...
something else.
This isn't mine.
It's not mine, either.
I don't want it.
- I can't take it.
- Just... I...
Y- You could spend it
on the baby.
You know...
you're always surprising me.
You know when I said
that I didn't speak Russian?
I wasn't actually
just making that up.
L- It's a long way to go
for a date.
I know.
Woman: Gate closing
for Flight 1311 to Moscow...
But... I don't know you.
And I don't know you,
What will happen?
Fuck a duck.
Airport! Airport!
Give me the coat.
- What?
- Just give me it.
You say "yes," hmm?
- Say "da. "
- Da.
Are you okay?
Are you scared?
Are you a giraffe?
My name is Sophia.
Hello, Sophia.
Mine's still John.
Hello, John.
I know I stand in line
until you think
You have the time
to spend an evening with me
And if we go someplace
to dance
I know that there's a chance
you won't be leaving with me
Then afterwards we drop
into a quiet little place
And have a drink or two
And then I go
and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
like "I love you"
I can see it in your eyes
You still despise
the same old lines
You heard the night before
And though
it's just a line to you
For me it's true
And never seemed
so right before
I practice every day
To find some clever lines
to say
To make the meaning
come true
But then I think I'll wait
until the evening gets late
And I'm alone with you
The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
and, oh, the night's so blue
And then I go
and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
like "I love you"
The time is right
Your perfume fills my head
The stars get red
and, oh, the night's so blue
And then I go
and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
like "I love you"
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you
I love you