Blood Suckers from Outer Space (1984) Movie Script

- Here, chick!
Come on, Buck.
Here, come on.
Let's go.
Here you go.
Here you are.
Here you go, 'DOV-
Here you go.
- This is the bloodiest
mess I've ever seen.
- Oh come on, boy, you
aint seen nothing.
When that ax murderer was
running loose back in '62,
we was finding pieces
of everything.
Heads, arms, legs.
You hadn't seen anything so
disgusting as a torso
laying there in front of you.
- Come on, Don, this
is bad enough.
- You big baby, why don't you
quit your whining.
- What kind of person could be
responsible for this?
- I can tall you who done it.
- Now hold on just a minute,
You don't have any business
talking to the press.
You can't even speak good English.
- You stay out of this, Don.
If I got something to say,
I'm gonna say it.
And I got something to say,
I'm gonna say it.
- So why don't you say it, Buford,
before we fall off the
edge of our seat?
- You and your chicken shit
newspaper buddies
and print any kind of
junk you want to
but I know who done this!
It was them devil worshiping homos
from over on Hatchet Creak.
You can't expect their kind to
act like normal folk.
- Now come on, Buford, I
know for a fact
them boys are Presbyterians.
- What's the difference?
They still homos.
- Homos or not, we don't
have an evidence
leading us to believe they had
anything to do with this.
- Well I'll tell you one thing,
I never thought I'd see the day
when elected officials
in the US ofAwould be taken over
by a bunch of homos!
That's the whole problem
with the economy.
The government is so worried
about all the niggers
and the homos
but they pay no attention to
us regular folk.
- Buford, you are absolutely
the ugliest gomer
I've ever seen in my life!
You make me want to throw up.
Why don't you go home?
- I am home!
This is my property, by God!
- Go some place else then.
You make me sick.
- I bet you're all homos!
- Hey, Sam, don't pay any
attention to him.
He's lost his mind.
Tell me, man, honestly.
What's going on here?
- Look, don't try to use
our friendship
to get information I
can't give out.
- I won't quote you.
- You can't print opinion
without quoting somebody.
- All right, I won't...
I won't write anything.
I just wanna know.
- They both been sucked.
- Oh yeah, you mean like some kind
of pervert or sex fiend?
- No, no, no.
Their blood was sucked.
Basically, what we've got here
are two bodies drained of blood.
And maybe two quarts of blood
scattered around the area.
Now what happened to the
other six quarts?
Somebody or something
sucked it out.
- That's outrageous, you're
talking about vampires.
That's impossible, there's gotta
be a logical explanation.
- Look, I work in law enforcement.
I'm supposed to be logical
but I'm sure this is no
ordinary crime.
- If this is no ordinary crime,
don't you think the people
have a right to know?
- A right to know what?
I don't have any facts,
any real idea of just
what's going on here
and I'm really not anxious to
start a wide scale panic
based on my speculation.
- All right.
So what do I write?
- Bob and Rose Waters
of Hasse
abandoned their stalled automobile
about 2AM today.
Got lost
and subsequently died due to
exposure to the elements.
- "Subsequently died due to
exposure to the elements."
You gotta be kidding me, man.
I can just see the headlines now.
"Killer Elements At Large."
- Look, this is gonna be a hard
enough thing to deal with
without getting the
citizens in an uproar.
You understand, don't you?
- Yeah.
- Listen, don't think about it.
We'll talk later.
- You get that boy
straightened out, Sam?
- Yes, sir.
- I knew I could count on you.
- Something weird is
going on here.
Something really weird is
going on here!
- What do you make of all this?
- As the working fluid is
introduced in system A,
a vacuum is being
generated in system B.
When this reaches 29 and a half
inches of mercury,
steam is introduced
which lowers the pressure
and cooling begins.
- I've had about enough
of your shit,
you disgusting Blood Sucker.
- If you don't shut up, I'll
beat you to a pulp!
- Come on, Ralph.
You're a research scientist.
You've got to start
acting like one.
Here, try one of these.
This will snap you back
into position.
- Thanks, B.J.
That's a real pretty one.
- Go ahead, take two.
They're small.
Here, use this to wash it down.
- You're a real pall, B.J.
I don't think I could make
it without you.
- All right, Dr. Pace, mellow out.
I don't like the tone
of your voice.
- Unstrap me.
- You just change the relative
pitch, not the tone.
- Oh, look at the
mess you've made.
There's no need for that.
I don't know why you're so upset.
We don't want to hurt you.
We just want to study you.
- You should understand that, Dr.
I mean, you are the head
of Research City.
- You unstrap me!
- I don't think you're capable of
making that decision
in your current condition.
Now you're only making it
harder on yourself
by not cooperating.
Just help us understand what
this is all about.
- Let me handle this.
All right!
Are you gonna talk or do we have
to make you talk?!
Don't we have another barium
enema for Dr. Pace?
- I'll talk.
- Oh hi, Jeff, it's so good to
see you, darling.
Won't you come on in?
- Well son, I'm glad to see
you could make it.
You know, you and your
worthless brother of yours
don't seem to stop by the house
too often anymore.
- Ralph is not worthless.
He's devoted his life to science.
- Science my ass.
He's over at "Research City"
with the rest of those
warped individuals
wasting the government's money.
- Let's not talk about Ralph.
He's not here to defend himself.
I noticed you put a parabolic dish
out in the front yard.
- Hell yes, we're talking about
satellite city, USA, son.
- We get a lot of that
foreign stuff too.
But Joe won't let me watch it.
He's afraid I might
get brainwashed.
- You know how those
communists are.
Let them on TV and first
thing you know,
they're looking right back at you
through the picture tube.
- And Joe won't even let me
watch them Mexican shows
and they're not even communist.
- Yeah, okay, they're Catholics.
What's the difference?
- I don't suppose you
invited me over here
to talk about the parabolic dish.
- Come on over and have a seat.
Kate, why don't you get Jeff a DP?
- Okay-
- Jeff, I wanna jump
into this head first.
- Jump
- I need to talk to you
about your future, son.
- Listen, we have this
talk all the time.
I'm not your son.
My name is Jeff, my
parents are dead.
- Ever since your parents died
I've felt responsible for you.
Your father was a like a
brother to me.
- My father was your brother.
- Well, I guess that it
explains it then.
- So what do you want
me to do now?
- Now son, you can't go
around taking pictures
for that sorry excuse of a
newspaper all your life.
- Uncle Joe, I'm an artist.
I'm doing what I have to do.
- When you're gonna learn
that art is shit?
Nobody understands it.
I shoulda never bought you
that lnstamatic camera
when you were six years old.
- Well, I wish you could understand
but obviously you can't.
- So just keep your seat.
I haven't told you what I
wanna tell you yet.
I want you to come to work for me.
- Plowing fields and milking
cows just isn't for me.
I could never express myself
doing those things.
- Express yourself?
I thought that was
something you'd outgrow?
Now son, some day all of
this could be yours.
This house, the land,
the cow.
- What about the parabolic dish?
Are you gonna throw that in too?
- I don't think you understand.
You're either gonna work for me
or you lose your inheritance.
How about that, son?
- Well,
as long as you put it that way.
How long do I have to
make a decision?
- What time is it right now?
- Jeff, why don't you come over
for supper this evening?
- Yeah, okay.
- We need to give the boy time to
make his own decision.
- Okay, son.
I guess your aunt is right.
So we'll see you
around five o'clock
and I know you won't be late.
- Goddamn it!
- I had a blow out.
- Do you need a ride?
- Yeah, sure.
Where you headed?
- I'm not going anywhere.
- Does that mean you're
going nowhere?
- Is that where you're going?
- Exactly where I'm going
unless I can take control
of my own life.
- Is there some place
you'd like me
to drop you off along the way?
- Hazeldale.
- ls that where you live?
- Yes but it's not my fault,
I promise.
Where you from?
- Dallas.
- What're you doing out here?
- Getting away.
I'm tired of watching my home turn
into another Houston.
It's depressing.
- Sounds to me like you're not
using enough drugs.
- I'm sure I've used enough to
last me a lifetime.
- I could use some right now.
- There's a tank of nitrous in the
back if you'd like some.
- Thanks a lot.
Good shit.
- Just what do you want, sir?
- We're from the
United States Army.
We came to see Dr. Pace and
his research team.
- How do I
know you're from
the United States Army, sir?
- We're driving a black four door
Sedan with black tires
and little American flags
flying in the front.
Who else would do that?
Besides, we've got
official papers.
- So what?
Everybody's got official papers!
That don't prove nothing, sir!
- General Sanders of the United
States Army is in this car.
Now let us in.
- General who?
- General Sanders.
He's a very good general.
Now let us in.
- What's the password, sir?
- Does anybody know the password?
- Nobody told me anything
about a password.
Now listen to me, you
useless slug.
I am General Sanders of the
United States Army
and I command you to
open that gate.
- What makes you think
you can command me
to do anything, sir?
You think you're a big
deal just because
you've got on a silly uniform.
Big deal.
I've got on a uniform too,
so get lost, sir.
- How would you like to
have your brains
splattered all over this pavement?
- That's the password.
Carry on, sir.
- Hi, Norman.
- I expect something weird
is about to happen.
I've been having the
weirdest feelings lately,
like something weird is
about to happen
and when I get those
weird feelings,
something weird usually happens.
- Well let us know when it
happens, Norman.
- I'll tell you what.
This world's getting to be a
weird place to live in.
It didn't used to be this weird.
- What do you suppose happened?
- Too many weirdos,
that's the problem.
Weirdos get together and they
have weird babies
and they grow up to be weirdos.
It's an endless cycle.
- Have a good day, Norman.
- Weirdos.
- This place looks like a morgue.
Where is everybody?
- General funding to the center
was cut almost entirely last year.
Now a handful of researches and
some maintenance personnel
have the run of this facility.
- Officially, sir, they
do a little more
than keep the building in order.
- Seems like a waste of
taxpayer's money to me.
Can you imagine the
number of weapons
that could be built with
the amount of money
the government spends
on this place?
- General Sanders, Major Hood.
B.J. Barton, Ralph Rhodes and
Richard Wainscott.
- Where is Dr. Pace?
I'd like to know why I show
up at his request
and he can't bring himself
to make it on time.
- Dr. Pace is tied up and--
- Actually, he's strapped down.
- General Sanders, this is a
complicated matter.
I was hope that this
could be a sort of
preliminary orientation session
for you and your colleagues,
then we could set up a
series of meetings
to get a bit of a handle on
what's going on and what
should be done.
- What the hell are you
talking about?
I understand there is a
serious problem
that threatens the
national security
of the Unites States of America.
- I'm afraid it's not quite
as simple as that.
- Would you just tell me
what you idiots know
about this situation?
- In general terms, General,
several days ago, an energy field
from beyond our atmosphere
descended upon on us and has had
some rather bizarre effects
on some of our local residents.
- What kind of effects?
- Ralph Rhodes is our
molecular structure
and related effects specialist.
I'll let him explain it to you.
- Huh?
- Would you explain the effects?
- Effects?
Oh, yeah.
we're not really sure about
the molecular makeup
of the energy field or life force
as it is from outer space
and no research as yet
been done on it.
But we do know that it's
colorless, odorless, tasteless
and invisible.
- And also very windy.
- Yes, it manifests itself
in a strong gust of wind.
- That is the most
ridiculous thing
I have ever heard.
- Would you like to hear the rest?
- I think it's obvious General
Sanders has heard enough.
- Wait a minute,
I'm here, I can sit
through the rest.
- This life force is taken into
the bodies of its victims
through the respiratory system
and is almost immediately
assimilated into the blood stream
at which time it
expands tremendously.
- Of course, then, massive
internal hemorrhaging begins
and the victim loses
most of its blood
through the natural orifices.
- That's totally disgusting.
- Oh, and then the body of the
victim is reanimated
by the alien presence.
- And I guess it just goes out and
bites people on the neck
to get more blood.
- That's a good guess, General.
In fact, that's exactly
what happens.
- What do we do now?
Track down these blood suckers
and drive wooden stakes
through their hearts?
- General Sanders,
we're not dealing with some
supernatural beings
from Eastern European folklore
popularized by horror cycles
in American, European and
British cinema.
We're up against a super
intelligent life form
from another world.
- Blood Suckers
from outer space.
- Okay, you scientific smart ass.
What do you propose we do to
destroy this thing
and monsters it creates?
- Destroy, destroy, destroy.
Death, destruction, devastation.
That's all you military
people think about.
- What else did you
wimps have in mind?
- I have a proposal here for
a two year study
which has been broken down into
four independent stages.
- Studies are not worth a shit.
I have got weapons.
- How rude.
- I've got it!
- Those lunatics are gonna
screw it all up.
We've got to calm this thing down
before they do something drastic.
- Hey B.J., I think you're
a little confused
about what's going on here.
The public is in grave danger.
- Come on.
The public doesn't give a damn
about whether or not
they turn into Blood Suckers as
long as they have cable TV.
- Sure, maybe it's not so bad
being a Blood Sucker
from outer space.
But what about the people that
are gonna get sucked?
- Yeah, they don't even get to
be Blood Suckers.
They just get to be dead.
- We all have to make compromises.
That's what life's all about.
This is the most important
scientific discovery
since cancer.
We can't let it slip
through our fingers.
If they destroy this thing,
we'll probably all be sent to
do some ridiculous
medical research in some
place like Oklahoma.
- Okay, okay, you've
made your point
but I still think we
should've told
General Sanders about Dr. Pace.
- And have him shove
some hand grenade
down Dr. Pace's throat?
No way.
- This whole thing makes me
ready to get blown away.
Let's go to the supply room and
see what's on special.
I know there's some things we
haven't experimented with yet.
- Why do we always have
to use something
that hasn't even been tested on
laboratory animals?
There's no telling what
it's doing to us.
Let's try something
completely different.
- What do you mean?
- Let's go get drunk.
- I'm ready.
- Come on, Ralph,
you look like your brain could use
a good dose of alcohol.
- No thanks, I'm really not
feeling very well right now.
You two go ahead.
I think I'm gonna stay here and
lie down for awhile.
- This is it.
Thanks a lot for the ride.
- Maybe we could do it
again sometime?
- I'm ready for it.
Would you like to come in and look
at my stamp collection?
- I'd love to.
- You'll have to excuse the--
- Clutter?
- Yeah.
- Sit down.
- You live here alone?
- Yeah.
It's my grandmother's house.
She's in a nursing home
and I'm sorta holding
down the fort
until my uncle can decide
what he wants to do
with the place.
I've had a lot of good times here.
Been spending time here ever since
I was a little kid.
- Does your family live in town?
- My parents were killed
when I was five.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- My brother and I lived with
our aunt and uncle
until we were old
enough to escape.
- That bad, huh?
- Mhmm.
My uncle's insane and my aunt's
brain ceased to function
sometime shortly after birth.
- Well, what about your brother?
- I don't get to see
Ralph very much.
He's really wrapped up in his work
and right now he's involved
in some top secret government
project at Research City.
Hey, I don't know why I'm
doing this to you.
I'm getting really depressing.
- It's all right.
You're just being honest.
- You don't mind?
- Not at all.
Honesty is sort of a
curiosity for me.
It's so rare.
- Well, honestly,
right now I'm faced with a
major decision.
I can either keep doing
what I wanna do
and try to make some sense
out of all this,
in which case I'll lose all
outside financial assistance
or I can become a dairy farmer.
- I think you're making
something complicated
out of something
that's very simple.
- Maybe you're right.
I just have so many questions
about everything right now.
I'm confused.
- Well don't be confused.
There's only one answer to
all our questions.
- Bye the way, I'm Julie.
- I'm Jeff.
It's nice to meet you.
- So what do you think?
- I think it's time to redecorate.
My uncle.
I'll be late.
He'll be pissed.
- Lawrence,
daddy's home and look what
he brought for you.
Blood plasma.
- Uncle Joe?
How's it going?
- Well, Jeff,
it's going great.
I've never felt better.
It's a new world and I'm enjoying
every minute of it.
I'm particularly interested
this piece of farm machinery.
- Uncle Joe, are you all right?
- All right,
well no I'm not.
I'm better than all right.
I've found the answer
to everything.
- What happened? Did you
find Jesus or what?
- Oh, much more than that,
Very soon, you'll find it too.
- Is Aunt Kate in the house?
- Yes, I believe she's in
the house cooking supper.
I don't think you
should go in there.
The place is a mess.
- I'm gonna go see Aunt Kate.
- Go on in.
I'll be in directly.
- Okay, I want you to stay out
here and keep and eye on him.
- No way in hell I'm gonna
stand out here.
Your uncle's insane!
- That's exactly why I
don't want you
to stay inside the house.
- You mean you think your aunt is?
- I think maybe he's
axed her to death
or beaten her to death with a
lamp or something!
- Jeff?
I think you better come in here.
- Oh god.
How could he do this?
- Jeff, I'm so
glad you made it.
I was so afraid you wouldn't come.
I've prepared a
wonderful meal for you.
- Looks like part of the
preparation took place in here.
- What did you say, Jeff?
- I said it looks like you
slaughtered a cow in
the living room!
- I'm sorry the house
is such a mess.
The funniest thing happened
this afternoon.
- Cut it out, Uncle Joe,
you're scaring me!
- Don't be scared, Jeff, I
won't hurt you.
- Get out of my way.
- I've got to keep you here.
Soon you'll be one with us
and then you'll understand.
- Understand what?
- I'm an entirely new creature,
Just relax.
- Don't tell me to relax!
You're monsters, both of you!
- Does this mean you're not
gonna stay for supper?
- Jeff, I think we're on the menu.
- I'm giving you
just one more chance
to get out of my way!
- Just be patient.
Very soon you'll be ready.
Ready to feel the urge
and then you'll love to
satisfy the urge.
Your upwards passion needs time,
you'll suck the warm life
from your prey,
holding it in your arms,
caressing it
as you suck, suck, suck.
- Why don't you make up your mind?
First you want me to be
a photographer
then you don't want me to
be a photographer.
Then you want me to be
a dairy farmer
then you don't want me to
be a dairy farmer
and now you want me to
become a Blood Sucker!
I can't deal with this!
- You cut my fucking arm off.
- I've got a recipe for spaghetti
I know you'll love.
- First time, every time.
- General Sanders, I've prepared
these briefs for you.
- The whole world's gone insane.
Blood Suckers from outer space,
wimpy research scientists
and my wife spending my life
savings on a fucking facelift.
And this coffee tastes like shit.
Why don't you sit down
and say something
instead of just standing there
like a goddamn Gomer Pyle?
I told you before, Harry,
you're gonna have to
assert yourself!
Now speak up!
- Sir, I've received reports
of unusual activity
in Comanche and Erath counties.
I think these activities
could be linked
to this Blood Sucker problem.
- That's pretty smart, major.
I guess you'd have to have
a masters degree
to figure that kind of thing out.
I'm glad I've got somebody with
a brain like yours
to help me figure it out.
You were any brighter,
you'd blind yourself.
Now if it's not too much to ask,
what do you propose
we do about it?
- Well, sir,
I thought maybe we could
send out scouts.
Some privates and maybe a
few corporals,
you know, men that are expendable.
- I see.
You mean those people
who were drafted.
- Right.
If they get killed, nobody has
to worry about it.
- Good job, Major.
Get those troops out there and get
this thing taken care of.
- Yes, sir.
Right away, sir.
- I guess nobody's home.
Well this is an emergency.
Maybe they'll forgive me if I just
make one telephone call.
Would you like to come in?
- No thanks, I'll stay out
here where it's safe.
- Where the hell do we go now?
Those things are everywhere.
- I know once place we'll be
safe and can get help.
- I'm ready for it.
- Research City, my
brother's there.
Maybe he knows what's going on.
- Hey Ralph,
don't you think it's about
time you took a break?
- Ralph?
- My friends.
I think we have some
business to discuss.
- Damn, that incidental
music is scary.
- What're you trying to do,
scare me to death?
- Who are you?
- I'm Norman the janitor.
You kids shouldn't be
hanging around
a weird place like this.
- Listen, what the hell is
going on around here?
- Weird things! Very weird things!
Too many weirdos!
- Can you be a little
more specific?
- Leave now or you'll die.
- Look, I trust yourjudgment but
I'm not leaving here
until I find my brother,
Ralph Rhodes.
- Ralph Rhodes?
He's a weirdo!
- Yeah, that's him.
Could you tell me where he is?
- You don't wanna
find that weirdo.
- Listen here, you janitor!
I'll admit this is "Weird City,"
just tell us where he is.
- The intrinsic quality of
life is energy.
We are the energy.
The energy is us.
After eons of motion
through the void of
time and space,
we found this place.
A place to be.
A place to live.
A place to experience.
We found physical embodiment,
a new existence
in a place where there's time
with an end.
At last, death.
A stopping point.
First, we must live.
We must gain knowledge.
The final knowledge.
The knowledge of
pleasure and pain.
You, Jeff, will be one
of us very soon.
You will be a part of the whole,
a pusher of our energy.
You will feed as wee feed.
You will live as we live.
You will learn the pain, hunger,
the excitement of feeding on
all pulsating life.
Stay close to your Julie.
Feel her warm body.
it will satisfy
your hunger.
Can not run away from it, Jeff.
The decision has
already been made!
- I hate to bring
up a bad subject
but we just ran out of gas.
- I guess that means
we'll be spending the
night in the car.
- I'm sorry
about your brother.
I wish there was
something I could do.
- Maybe there is.
Could you scoot a little closer?
- I can't.
The gear shift's in the way.
- It's not the gear shift.
- Hmmm?
- Julie, wake up, it's morning.
I'm gonna go see if I can
get some gasoline.
- I'm going with you.
- Okay, it's a long walk.
You sure you wanna go?
- Walking is good.
I like to Walk.
- Come on.
- Wait!
That's barren wasteland out there.
- It's a shortcut.
Trust me.
- Hello?
- I think we're in
serious trouble, Jeff.
- Don't panic.
Maybe everybody is on a
picnic or something.
- That's what I'm afraid of.
- Listen,
take this can and fill
the gasoline.
I'm gonna make a telephone call.
- Don't answer it.
- Turn that way.
No, that's not it.
Oh yeah.
Now just a little to the left.
I've gotta stop.
- Out of breath?
- No.
The phone.
- Sam?
Thank God you're still alive.
Listen, something really
strange is going on.
- I know, you just interrupted it.
- No, I'm serious.
I don't have time to
explain right now.
Just grab everything you can
and get as far away as possible.
- What are you on, Jeff?
- Look, I'll be over there
as soon as I can
and I'll try to explain.
- No, don't come over right now.
We're busy.
- I'll be there in 30
minutes, goodbye.
- Get up, Pam.
- Come back to bed.
- We're gonna have to
postpone this.
I'm sorry but Jeff's wound
up about something.
He's gonna be here shortly to
tell us about it.
Come on, we still have
time for a shower.
- Good, get the ducky.
- No, we don't have time
for the ducky.
- Did you get it?
- Yeah, the pumps were on.
- Great, let's get the
hell out of here.
- That's gross!
- Let's go! Go!
- Come on, boys.
I've got something for all of you.
I just know you'll like it.
Come on, don't be shy.
- Why don't you go ahead and
give me your keys
and I'll get your stuff out?
- But I can't leave my car here.
- Do you wanna push it?
Wait a minute.
- General Sanders, sir,
I just received word that
we've lost contact
with the three men we've sent to
the northeast quadrant
of the search area.
We suspect they may have fallen
victim to Blood Suckers.
- What are you gonna do about it?
Don't you think it's time we
take evasive action?
I'm tried of watching you dummies
twiddle your thumbs.
I think it's about time we do
something about it
and I think I oughta do
something about it.
- Excuse me, sir, but I don't
understand what you're saying.
- I'm saying I remember a time in
the United States Military
when we knew how to bomb people
and we didn't worry about
military protocol.
Let's nuke 'em!
- Sir, in the military
regulation book,
it clearly states that you can not
use nuclear weapons
within the boundaries of the
continental United States.
- I don't give a shit about
military regulations.
We got the weapons, we need
to use the weapons.
That's what the weapons
are there for,
so why don't we use
them damn things?
Get out of my office!
I'm busy!
- Sam?
It's me, Jeff, open up!
- We've
been expecting you.
- Get out of my way!
- But Jeff, you just got here.
- There's no need to rush off.
- You repulsive blood
sucking zombies!
- You won't get any blood from us.
- I know, that's not
part of the plan.
- That's really too bad.
You both look delicious.
- Mhmm.
I'd just love to eat you, Julie.
- You don't even know me.
- I know all about you, Julie.
But don't be afraid of me.
- We're saving you for Jeff.
- That's right, Jeff.
Very soon you will be one of us
and Julie will satisfy you in a
very new and exciting way.
- I'll never be like you.
There's nothing you can do to
change me into what you are.
- You can't stop breathing, Jeff.
Anytime now you're gonna have to
take a deep breath.
- And that will be the breath
that changes your life.
You'll lose the essence
of your old life,
but you'll gain knowledge
beyond the limits
of your imagination.
- Knowledge is great but
why do you have to
suck the blood out of everybody?
- It's an uncontrollable urge
but it's really not as bad
as you think it is.
I guess we all have to
learn to adjust
to the constraints of
physical reality.
- Oh no.
I can't take another
Kung Fu scene.
- Hello?
- Mr. President, General
Sanders is calling.
He says it's urgent and he must
speak to you immediately.
- I hope it's as urgent
as this cupcake
I got in my lap here.
- Sir, it's concerning
the Blood Sucker
situation in Texas.
- All right, put him through.
- Yes, sir.
- General Sanders.
- Mr. President.
I hate to disturb you
but I'm calling about
an urgent matter
that could endanger the
national security.
- Cut the crap Sanders and just
tell me what you want.
- I think we've isolated
the Blood Sucker problem.
- Why're you calling me for?
- Sir, I've decided the
best course of action
is to use nuclear weapons.
- How many times have I told you,
we do not drop a nuclear bomb
within our own country.
That'd be crazy, wouldn't it?
- But sir, there aren't
that many people
in this particular part of Texas.
Besides, we can get rid of
the Blood Suckers
swiftly and effectively.
- The answer is no, Sanders.
We're not gonna use
nuclear weapons
to deal with this problem.
- Mr. President, I'm concerned
these Blood Suckers
are part of communist conspiracy.
- You think everything is part of
a communist conspiracy.
You just want an excuse
to drop a bomb.
- They trying to take our freedom
away by sucking us dry.
You've got to let me
drop the bomb.
- Look, asshole, I don't have to
let you do anything.
I'm the President of the
United States.
The people elected me.
I'm supported by the asses...
the masses.
- There won't
be any masses
if you don't let me do this.
- Okay, if I let you
drop the bomb,
you promise you aren't gonna call
me or try to see me again?
- Oh yes, yes, yes.
I promise, Mr. President.
- Okay, then you should take care
of the matter, all right?
- I can drop the bomb?
- Just make sure it's a
small bomb, okay?
All right.
Back to work.
- Which way?
- Where do you wanna go?
- I just wanna get away.
- We can't get away.
It's gonna find us wherever we go.
- Not if we go far enough.
- It wants me.
I don't understand this thing.
I don't know what it is.
But it wants me.
It's out there now, I can feel it.
- It was the nitrous oxide.
It neutralized the life force.
Jeff, you saved mankind!
- Well, it was really nothing.
- Sir, what are you doing?
- I'm not sure.
I guess if I'm a little off
in my coordinates
and the initial blast
doesn't get 'em,
the fallout will.
- Fallout?
What do you mean?
I told you, we can't use a
tactical nuclear weapon
in the middle of our own country.
Look, right here in the book.
Page 622, section three,
- If you don't shut up
you're gonna eat that
book for lunch.
Now sit down.
Makes you proud to be an American.
- Mr. President, I
thank you for...
Thank you, Mr. President.
No, that's not it.
Mr. President.
- No, sir, it's me.
Major Hood!
- Harry, you should feel proud,
mighty proud.
I feel confident we're both
gonna be justly rewarded
for the heroic act we
just performed.
- Sir, the bomb exploded on a
Methodist encampment
at least 60 miles from any
Blood Sucker sighting.
- Maybe a parade.
- I'll tell you what, you idiot!
You maniac!
We'll both be shot for this!
- Good morning, Joe.
- Boy, it's a pretty one!