Blue Black Permanent (1992) Movie Script
Mummy! Swimming! Mum!
- Swimming?
- Swimming!
Hello!
- Come on.
- I can see!
And it's Thorburn
through the centre!
Barbara!
- Mummy, I was swimming!
- I saw you!
- I saw you swimming!
- I can swim, I can swim now!
I'm not going in there again.
It's too cold!
Yeah, well, let's get your dress on.
Oops. Wrong way round.
I was swimming, Mummy, wasn't I?
Of course you were. I saw you.
It's nearly 30 years since my mother died.
She was younger then
than I am now.
And I still look up to her.
Barbara?
It was the finality of it.
Like a judgment.
I failed her in some way.
I should have been able to stop her.
To save her!
That's what haunts me.
Hey.
You were just a wee girl.
I was nine.
It's not your fault!
How could it be?
How do your children feel,
do you think?
Well...
they've got their mother.
That's just the way it is, Barbara!
I only have one poem of hers,
that she gave a copy of
to Andrew, once.
It's in her own handwriting.
What, Andrew gave it to you?
Not so long ago.
He kept it all that time.
And he wanted me to have it.
I still think of her as my elder, my model.
She loved being out in a storm.
It was her element.
Dispatch News!
Dispatch News!
Aye, cheers.
Barbara?
Greta!
Greta?
Oh! Wendy.
Planning a trip?
You're miles away already.
I was in a dream.
You're not sleepwalking, are you?
Are you alright?
Yes. I am.
Wasn't that storm a beauty?
God, no!
I got out of it as quick as I could
and into Crawford's!
Come on with me to Andrew's.
I'm going there now.
- To Andrew's?
- Mm.
How can I go to Andrew's?
What, barge in?
When he hates so much
to have his work disturbed?
I always go round there
around now.
In fact, I'm late. Come on.
Is he painting you again?
All the time. Again and again.
I'm his only model.
Me and the roof
outside the window.
The roof?
Oh, it's the start
of a whole new series of paintings,
that's my guess.
Andrew's my model.
In a different sense.
My only mentor.
The one person I rely on.
You've no idea how I rely on Andrew.
He's my guru.
Have you any idea
how Andrew hates to be relied on?
Barbara? You've stopped talking.
Why?
Why have you stopped?
I'll go on listening all night
if it'll do any good.
Hey. You have got the right man.
A well-known perfect listener.
Why not just listen
because it's me?
Why does it have to be
because you're so good at it?
I am listening because it's you!
What else?
Look...
go on about your mother.
Rare visitor!
You're soaking!
Where did you find her, Wendy?
She was out in that storm!
Oh, here, take that jersey off, as well.
I was lost, and Wendy found me.
Are you OK?
Right as rain.
I'm in my element.
Oh! But I have disturbed you.
I wouldn't for the world.
Take a look. Nothing much to see yet.
Barely begun.
I love this place, Andrew.
I do like the way you live.
Oh, aye, everyone goes on about
the way I live and how lucky I am.
You would think it was
something quite beyond them.
It is beyond most of us.
You don't go for...
inessentials.
I need everything else, as well.
My house, Jim, making meals,
taking the children to school.
I need my domestic life to...
hold me down a bit.
To keep your feet on the ground?
Yes.
Domestic life would kill me.
Are you trying to say
I can't have both?
You can't have both.
But I must! I need both.
I have to have both.
Wendy went out and phoned your dad?
Why did she do that?
She seemed to think
there was something wrong.
What happened today?
I was... by myself.
Beside myself.
That was...
all.
I've been having such...
dreams lately, Andrew.
It's like...
like the sea.
And sleep.
It's like the sea.
Connecting everything.
I wake up, and I write things
down straight out of my sleep.
Solitude then.
In the middle of the night.
Peace.
Like today in the gale.
Oh, where's...?
Where's my notebook?
You have to look after yourself.
I can't, always.
The trouble is...
I'm torn between languages.
You don't have that problem
in painting.
How not?
Did you see
what he's doing now?
Other people paint landscapes,
Andrew paints roofscapes.
Between times, I'm painting
Wendy in dance costume.
- Or no costume.
- Ah, well,
that's when I'm at my least abstract.
The dance poses, though,
are in costume.
I like the very tender ones
he's done of you,
but I can see what he means
about roofscapes.
Ah! Jim!
Good to see you.
Oh, and you've come to the right place
if it's your wandering wife
you're looking for.
Here she is.
So, what's up?
Oh, we're alright.
Everything's alright.
Greta got caught in that storm.
I didn't get caught,
I was enjoying it.
Tea, Jim?
Aye, she got a thorough drooking
in a real downpour.
Thunder and lightning,
the whole caboodle.
- Didn't you hear it?
- Oh, sure.
Er, the lights went out
at the office.
It's like the wake now.
The wake after the storm.
Everything's calmed down now.
Wake?
That's one of my words.
Yours would be the wake of a boat
or waking up in the night.
Or any kind of aftermath.
A wake for the departed,
wailing and moaning.
Well, that's another.
You see? What a word.
So, er...
you're alright, then?
I couldn't be better.
This is the BBC Home Service.
Here is the news.
Further H-bomb tests
in the Pacific Ocean
have shown satisfactory results.
A committee has been formed
for the control
of industrial and other uses
of atomic energy.
At today's meeting
of the United Nations,
the Soviet representative
left the meeting as a protest
against the speech
made by the Indian delegate.
The price of bacon will rise
by a ha'penny a pound
from tomorrow.
A woman in Perth, Australia,
has given birth to quadruplets.
I just hate the news.
The Soviet representative
left today's meeting
of the United Nations...
I would like to have a baby.
Barbara, I didn't know.
What in the world have we been
so at odds about, then?
- Oh, but...
- Why didn't you say?
Don't think about it.
We couldn't possibly!
Oh. Well...
that's it.
That is not it!
You mean that is not it,
that is not it at all.
Of course, I do admire the way
Andrew lives.
And yet, Jim...
What do you think you were doing? I...
I don't understand you, Greta.
How could you be so inconsiderate?
- What do you mean?
- Worrying people like that!
What do you think
you were doing?
Worrying who?
Who was worrying?
Well, me.
A-A-And Wendy.
When she phoned me
at the office.
Did she?
Well, I didn't know.
Well, there was no need.
Oh...
I see!
Well, what did she say?
Just that... that she thought
I ought to come round.
I didn't know what to think.
And then there you were,
just as if nothing was
the matter at all!
Well, nothing was the matter.
Well, I felt a fool, being sent for!
Wendy couldn't have understood
the thrill of being out in all that.
Can't say I do, either.
I'm sorry.
Please don't leave me
out of things.
Chocolate cake!
Can I have it?
A big bit for me!
Is it the heredity you're afraid of?
Stop analysing me, Philip!
You're my friend, not my analyst.
Oh! "Friend" now, is it?
I thought I was your lover.
Great words, you use.
What is it?
She says "delirious".
But Mrs Kemp's an alarmist.
You've said so yourself.
What if she's right this time
and he really is ill?
Yes, yes, er... You'd better go.
- You'll only be sorry if you don't.
- You're right.
I need to go.
What is it, Mummy?
Is it Grandad? Is he ill again?
- Will he die?
- Shh.
Can I come with you,
Mummy, to see Grandad?
Next time, darling.
She flew north the same day
and then got some friends
with a motorboat
to take her out to where
Grandfather had gone to live.
Oh, thanks.
The day's getting a wee bit overcast.
It's fine.
You didn't take sugar.
Cheers.
I remember it all
exactly as she told me it.
- Bye!
- Bye!
Mrs Kemp?
Mrs Kemp, is that you? Come up!
Och, aye, it's you, lass.
Hello, Father.
My, am I glad to see you!
Is there nobody in the house
with you?
Mrs Kemp will be coming in again, aye.
Are you by yersel'?
Is Jim and the bairns no with you?
Not this time.
How are you now?
Mrs Kemp said in her wire that...
I was fair wash yesterday.
But I'm good bit better today.
But I'm dry.
I'm needing a drink.
Ah-ah-ah-ah, a dram!
Are you allowed whisky?
"Allowed"?
- What does the doctor say?
- Doctor?
Oh, I'm having no doctor.
And now you're here,
I don't need a doctor.
Let's get you up.
Oh, I'm right glad you came,
Mrs Thorburn.
He was worse yesterday,
you know?
- Far worse.
- He's not too bad now.
Delirious. And he wouldn't
have the doctor.
I hope you don't mind me
sending for you.
- Oh, no.
- He talked such nonsense!
What's all the whispering about?
Would you like
to come in and see him?
Ach, women!
Well, then!
How are you feeling now,
Mr Kelday?
Better. I'm better.
Och, that's right.
I'll bring you fresh milk
the morn.
There's butter in the pantry.
I baked him
some scones yesterday,
but he wouldn't have them.
It's kind of you to do so much.
Och, anybody would do
what I do.
I'm very grateful.
Go home, do, Ida! Greta's here.
The lass is tired
and she's needing a rest.
I know. And I'm needed home, too,
so I'll go.
Goodnight, then.
Bye.
She's been awful good to me.
You mustn't mind her.
But... but go you to your bed
and get some rest.
Are you sure you're alright?
Goodnight.
Shoo!
Cat, get down!
Come here.
I was bringing the breakfast
up to you!
Breakfast upstairs? Oh, never.
No while I can walk down.
Mrs Kemp must have been in
before I got up
and left this new bannock
and some milk and eggs.
Eggs? There's no need
to leave me eggs.
I have plenty eggs
from my own hens.
I threw them some oats.
What time do they get properly fed?
Time? Oh, any time.
When I mind on!
I see your mother in you.
No!
Oh, it's grand
having me lass home.
Why have we never spoken
about her very much?
We never do.
I don't know.
Maybe it's been just...
too difficult.
It still is.
You were at your studies,
and Donald,
he was still at school,
and I just...
I just couldn't.
I lost something by leaving home.
But you have your own home now
in Edinburgh.
- I know.
- And I've got me home here.
I don't like you living here
all by yourself.
You're not fit for it now.
Could you not move back
into town and be looked after?
Oh, town's no use to me.
I'm fine here.
Well, have someone living in here, then.
Oh, no fear!
Somebody keeping me in order?
Some niminy-piminy,
"Ooh, that shouldn't go there."
I'm no wanting that!
Have a drop more, Dan.
Billy Spencer's car is coming
down the road.
- Oh, hello, Dan!
- Hello, Greta!
Good, we'll get some sense
out of him.
Dan here can never
get his stories straight.
Do you still keep bees at Fea, Dan?
Oh, yes, I do that.
And I mind you as a biddy bairn,
no three year auld,
doon on your hunkers,
watching them going
oot and in the hive.
And you'd have stayed there
all day.
I was fascinated. I loved them.
And I never knew
they might sting me!
And they never did.
But it was a wonder.
Oh, here,
I have got something for you.
This is for you
to take home wi' you.
Oh, Dan!
Oh, when I heard you were here,
I kent that was
the very thing you would like.
None for me, Dan?
I like clover honey, too!
Oh, thank you, Dan!
This is precious.
Come in, Billy!
There's a dram for you here.
- Hello, Greta!
- Hello, Billy.
- Dan.
- Alright?
How's the man?
I heard you were dying!
Och, so I was, but I didna.
I'm alright noo.
Oh, that's the way of you.
Here's your health.
Here.
Right fine you have your daughter home.
She'll look after you.
Billy, you'll ken the yarn aboot
Willie o' Bindatoon at the Airy wedding.
What was the way o' it?
Oh, yes, I believe I heard that one,
indeed, boy.
It was in the wartime.
- Were you no there, boy?
- Oh, I was there that time.
- I was at that wedding!
- You were there?
- How could you be there?
- I was!
It was one time
we were all out staying.
Oh, except you.
You were no there, Sam,
but it was a right laugh, anyway.
Ken I was no here! It was the wartime!
I was in the drifters on the prow!
The way I heard!
Well, what is the story?
Why can't I hear it?
What's all the fun?
They'll no tell me the story.
It was Willie.
Willie o' Bindatoon
at the Airy wedding.
Och, he had shame for once!
In his best suit.
When she was a wee girl
and her mother was alive,
they lived in the town,
and it was all very different.
What kind of business
did he have there?
Ship's chandler. Marvellous shop.
Full of things for fishermen
and boats.
And for bigger ships, too.
I remember being in it
when I was very wee,
and he seemed to me
so powerful!
With all the lovely things to sell.
Thanks.
Donald.
I wish I'd known my grandmother Kelday.
Do you ken this is called
a mermaid's pool, Greta?
What if I could see her now?
Is there really a mermaid, Grandad?
Well, that's what they say,
but I canna say I've ever seen one.
Come on now, it's time to go!
Grandad?
Do no greet, me biddy bairn.
You're safe wi' your old grandad.
And the tide won't be in
for a while.
It really happened.
We used to get told all that
going to bed.
Some bedtime story!
Oh, Jim!
I wasn't really in any danger
in the cave.
And I was quite used
to being in there.
Donald and I used to go in
by ourselves later,
when we were a bit bigger.
I loved the mermaid's pool,
but I got a terrible fright that time,
to see the water coming right in,
och, though there was plenty of time
to get out.
I think it affected
my mother as much as me.
I thought it was all in the dream.
The dream you keep having, Greta,
when you wake up
making those despairing noises.
Oh, here they come!
It is a dream now.
But it wasn't then.
This is where my mother died.
You should be here, Jim.
You shouldn't have come here.
I had to.
I wouldn't go down there.
It was something we did.
It's safe enough
on a day like this.
She was taking a risk.
I know.
She was swept off the rocks.
And she'd always warned us
about the backwash.
There it is!
Oh, there they are!
Look!
Oh! The beauties!
Would you believe, darling...
this tiny flower...
will grow only on this wild clifftop...
and nowhere else
in the whole world?
Try to transplant it...
and it just dies.
I love it so much!
They'd met when she was a student
and still in a state of shock
after her mother drowned.
And when they first got married,
it was in that post-war time
they all talk about.
Awful strain,
it must have been.
Everyone had to queue for things,
like fish, even.
And once she was in a queue
where a girl fainted,
she'd been waiting so long.
It's another world.
It's coming back, though.
No!
Ah, look! It's a tree!
Sunday walk, watching the sea,
going for a drink later.
I like this.
Oh, I wish I could paint.
I'd love to paint the sea.
Paint the sea, eh?
Did you see that sort of
photographs what's-her-name did,
trying to capture the sea?
Those photographs? I saw them.
Photographs are no use for this.
I've tried photographs.
Oh, you've tried photographs,
have you?
Have you tried words?
You must have ink in your veins
as well as the sea in your blood.
Wool in my blood, more like!
From my shepherd ancestors
in the Borders, Philip.
My Thorburn side.
Philip! Barbara!
Barbara! Philip!
Come on up!
It is!
Hello, Roger.
Is this really your idea of fresh air
and exercise for a Sunday afternoon?
Well, the kids are down on the beach
with the dog,
and that'll do for the lot of us.
Come on, get in out the wind.
Talk about muzak!
Don't you like this?
It's, you know...
Oh, no, no, no, outside,
I meant.
Er, you two married now
or something?
You looked very married,
strolling along there.
No knot has been tied.
We're the same as before.
We're not really
the marrying kind, Roger.
Ach, who is?
But we get married just the same.
Hmm.
I'm flying!
I can fly!
I can fly!
I like coming into town with you, Daddy,
and I like it when the boys
don't come with us.
Where are we going
for morning coffee?
Same place as last week?
OK. But not until we get
shoes to fit you first.
She'd better bring me something
a lot nicer than this.
Here's the girl now.
I'm not wearing that.
But you can't tell
till you try it on, dear.
They might be the very thing on.
Just try it.
Never.
If you loved me
Half as much as I love you
You wouldn't worry me
as much as you do
You're nice to me...
Else around...
Only build me up to let me down...
I know now.
Missed me...
I know what it is.
It's not just finding an identity,
not that.
Stay away half as much as you do...
Forget I'm my mother's daughter.
I'm me.
Be so blue...
- If you only loved me
- Me!
Half as much as I love you...
How could it be that, really?
Not the whole of it, anyway.
You're not listening!
What did you say?
You weren't listening!
Well, tell me again.
It was Aunt Effie's house,
my dad's Aunt Effie.
And we had it all to ourselves!
She'd gone off for a six-month
trip to New Zealand,
and we could stay
any time we wanted.
It was great for that Easter,
a wee beach all to ourselves.
One... two... three...
Four... five... six...
Seven... eight... nine...
Ten... eleven...
Twelve... thirteen... fourteen...
Fifteen... sixteen... seventeen...
Eighteen... nineteen... twenty...
Twenty-one... twenty-two...
Twenty-three... twenty-four...
Twenty-five... twenty-six...
Twenty-seven...
Thirty-eight... thirty-nine...
Thirty-seven...
Thirty-eight...
Thirty-nine!
There's one.
What's in there?
Can you hear anything?
I hear the sea! Listen!
Go on, listen, Mummy.
Put it up to your ear.
Yes, I do hear it, dear.
I hear what you heard.
I hear the sea.
Those boys will get
their shoes and socks wet.
Fergus! Tom!
Fergus, Tom, come on.
Come on, let's jump
on the seaweed and make it pop.
Wait for me!
- What are you doing?
- We're popping the seaweed.
He was to come down at the weekends, but...
he hadn't managed the first,
and the second seemed doubtful.
And then, Philip,
in the middle of the night...
Can you imagine?
- It wasn't me, it was Tom!
- I wasn't doing anything.
You wakened her.
What a fright to get, eh?
- It's the middle of the night.
- Mummy!
Did she...?
Was she...?
Could she...?
Daddy's here, Daddy's here!
Whose car have you got, Daddy?
You know Mr Fraser
at the garage? It's his.
Are you gonna finish dressing, you two,
or go back to bed?
Back to bed.
In you go. Good boys, ooh!
There we are.
Mummy!
Shh, now.
Where's Mummy?
How can she still be sleeping?
Mummy's...
I'll tell you, erm...
But go to sleep now.
Get some sleep before
we drive back to Edinburgh.
I don't want to go
back to Edinburgh.
Shut your eyes, Tom.
That's a good boy.
You've been very kind,
Mrs Brodie.
It's what anybody would do.
I'll have to see to these bairns.
Mrs Brodie was the neighbour who came in
after two fishermen, going out very early,
had found my mother
near the edge of the sea,
floating in her nightdress,
out below the house
where we were staying.
Barbie, Barbie, Barbie.
My own wee Barbie.
My very own wee townie girl.
I don't know how it happened...
That's it, Barbara, hey?
Whether it was sleepwalking...
she'd been known to do that.
Or...
Philip, I still can't bear to think it.
That she...
- Walked into the sea?
- Yes.
In her sleep.
Well, it doesn't seem possible.
The cold water would wake her up.
You'd think so.
No-one could comfort me then.
He was the only one.
His wee girl.
And I knew what he meant,
his wee townie girl.
Only his.
You don't see
a lot of him now, though. How's that?
We've not so much patience
with each other nowadays.
Thanks.
Is it because he married again?
Oh, no! I get on fine with Kirsten.
She's a gem.
It's him I've really lost touch with,
since he moved to the Borders.
Success story there.
It was a good move.
He has his own business,
and it's as if he never wants
to leave the place.
So...
That's Greta Kelday's story?
Nothing to be added.
Her "story"?
Story, yeah.
With a beginning, a middle and an end.
It all happened.
It's not just a story to me.
Because, you see...
I knew her.
And it's my story, too.
Well, maybe I'm a bit jealous of that.
Jealous?
Yeah. I don't come into
any of that.
Oh, but you do!
When I talk to you about it,
it helps me understand.
What is there to understand?
Your mother or your grandmother,
that's all gone.
You're more of a mystery.
- There you go.
- She still haunts me, though.
Why did she do it?
Even if she was just sleepwalking?
It's not terribly uncommon.
The sea can be horribly tempting.
It draws you in.
Have you never felt it?
Have you never felt,
looking down over a cliff,
how you'd just like
to go right in?
No, I haven't, and don't you do that!
I'm not having that.
Don't worry,
I won't get sucked in.
I'm my father's daughter.
Landswoman. Townie. Remember?
Cheers.
I couldn't do anything like that.
Sorry.
Do you remember the cosmonauts
and their giant step for mankind?
It was nothing like that,
but it was a giant step for her.
One minute alive,
playing with your children,
and the next minute...
Walking into the sea?
Just taking a step of your own
so big, so definite, that...
it was like
stepping onto the moon.
Or into the sea.
As long as you don't
take your giant step away from me.
Stay with me.
I want to.
No moon-steps for me.
I'd really like to...
read more of her work.
But where's all the rest of it?
Well, I'd have to ask Kirsten
what happened to any papers
that were in the old flat.
It's years since they left.
What, you mean it might all
have been thrown out?
Well, I was never sure
he really valued it.
I mean, really,
for what it was, and...
We were too young, too unaware, so...
Was there never anything published?
Only in the Scotsman.
And in one or two poetry magazines.
I could find the Scotsman ones.
And the magazines will be
in the National Library,
we can get to see those.
We can easily trace all
the published poems, Barbara.
Shouldn't be a problem.
Excuse me,
couldn't spare some change, could you?
- Put it in the tin.
- Oh, sorry.
I'll try and come back...
Nae bother. Thanks very much.
- Is that it?
- Hang on.
Erm...
We need something on the easel.
Mm...
Er, do you need to see what it is?
No, no, just the back.
- That do?
- Mm-hm.
Mm...
Don't you usually wear
an overall of some kind?
Oh, that's good!
I like that!
Colour splashed all over it.
Memories of paintings past.
And the paintings yet to come!
Paintings present are all
at the exhibition.
You know, I'm flattered
by the idea of this retrospective,
but doesn't it make me seem
like dead and gone?
Everybody knows
you're very much here.
Erm...
I need a special one
for the catalogue.
- And they want...
- I know.
The window. Brilliant.
And me looking out at my roofscapes.
Am I right?
Well...
Erm...
Yes, but it's quite appropriate,
don't you think?
Couldn't we do without that?
Mm...
No, it's too much.
Could you turn it over, Andrew?
The gold side?
Ah, yes, that's better.
You're by no means
dead and gone.
Or dead and not gone.
A-ha!
What are you so pleased about, then?
- I got a really good one there!
- Good girl.
OK, that's fine for now.
Just put it down there.
Oh, yes!
Eurgh!
Tsk!
I thought a lot of your mother,
you know.
Oh, but... you were her guru!
- Guru?
- I've always heard.
Who told you such a thing?
It can only have come from her.
Such a loss.
Excuse me, do you think Mr Cunningham
could sign this for me?
We start at the very top, OK?
Oh, a dancer!
Oh, now, I remember her.
Oh, she was good!
What was the name...
- Hi.
- Just one, thank you.
And a catalogue.
There you are!
The same pattern
again and again, roof after roof.
Permutations... variations.
And those romantics...
- Superb.
- Absolutely superb.
It's great to see them
all together.
Thank you.
You know, we've both
always supported you.
Yes.
So, they came back again!
You should get good write-ups
from those two.
Ach, they were both full
at the opening.
I know!
So was I, mind you.
- Andrew!
- Andrew!
Wow!
I had no idea of your range!
- They're terrific!
- Yes, tremendous.
Seeing them all together,
they're terrific!
I'm bowled over!
Thank you.
Come on, let's go somewhere.
I've had enough of this!
- I may not be back, Eileen.
- Aye, alright.
All exactly the same!
I ask you!
But that's what they are, Mother.
Roofscapes!
It was really great tonight.
Take care.
- Penny for the guy, sir!
- Penny for the guy?
Come on, penny for the guy!
I haven't got a penny for the guy.
I haven't got any, I'm sorry.
- Penny for the guy, sir?
- 50p, go on.
- Let somebody else have some.
- No.
OK. Bye
Gave me a real fright, that...
What's the occasion?
It's... how she left it.
I just closed the window.
It... it's a poem.
It's a poem she'd started.
There's, um, only...
We're going home.
Come on. Will we go now?
I don't want to go.
I have to be here tomorrow.
Don't go today, Daddy.
Come on, Fergus.
Hear us, O Lord
From heaven
Thy dwelling place
Like them of old
In vain we toil all night
Unless with us Thou go
Who art the light
Come, then, O Lord
That we may see Thy face
Thou, Lord, dost rule
The raging of the sea
When loud the storm
And furious is the gale
Strong is Thine arm
Our little barks are frail
Send us Thy help
Remember Galilee
Amen.
- Swimming?
- Swimming!
Hello!
- Come on.
- I can see!
And it's Thorburn
through the centre!
Barbara!
- Mummy, I was swimming!
- I saw you!
- I saw you swimming!
- I can swim, I can swim now!
I'm not going in there again.
It's too cold!
Yeah, well, let's get your dress on.
Oops. Wrong way round.
I was swimming, Mummy, wasn't I?
Of course you were. I saw you.
It's nearly 30 years since my mother died.
She was younger then
than I am now.
And I still look up to her.
Barbara?
It was the finality of it.
Like a judgment.
I failed her in some way.
I should have been able to stop her.
To save her!
That's what haunts me.
Hey.
You were just a wee girl.
I was nine.
It's not your fault!
How could it be?
How do your children feel,
do you think?
Well...
they've got their mother.
That's just the way it is, Barbara!
I only have one poem of hers,
that she gave a copy of
to Andrew, once.
It's in her own handwriting.
What, Andrew gave it to you?
Not so long ago.
He kept it all that time.
And he wanted me to have it.
I still think of her as my elder, my model.
She loved being out in a storm.
It was her element.
Dispatch News!
Dispatch News!
Aye, cheers.
Barbara?
Greta!
Greta?
Oh! Wendy.
Planning a trip?
You're miles away already.
I was in a dream.
You're not sleepwalking, are you?
Are you alright?
Yes. I am.
Wasn't that storm a beauty?
God, no!
I got out of it as quick as I could
and into Crawford's!
Come on with me to Andrew's.
I'm going there now.
- To Andrew's?
- Mm.
How can I go to Andrew's?
What, barge in?
When he hates so much
to have his work disturbed?
I always go round there
around now.
In fact, I'm late. Come on.
Is he painting you again?
All the time. Again and again.
I'm his only model.
Me and the roof
outside the window.
The roof?
Oh, it's the start
of a whole new series of paintings,
that's my guess.
Andrew's my model.
In a different sense.
My only mentor.
The one person I rely on.
You've no idea how I rely on Andrew.
He's my guru.
Have you any idea
how Andrew hates to be relied on?
Barbara? You've stopped talking.
Why?
Why have you stopped?
I'll go on listening all night
if it'll do any good.
Hey. You have got the right man.
A well-known perfect listener.
Why not just listen
because it's me?
Why does it have to be
because you're so good at it?
I am listening because it's you!
What else?
Look...
go on about your mother.
Rare visitor!
You're soaking!
Where did you find her, Wendy?
She was out in that storm!
Oh, here, take that jersey off, as well.
I was lost, and Wendy found me.
Are you OK?
Right as rain.
I'm in my element.
Oh! But I have disturbed you.
I wouldn't for the world.
Take a look. Nothing much to see yet.
Barely begun.
I love this place, Andrew.
I do like the way you live.
Oh, aye, everyone goes on about
the way I live and how lucky I am.
You would think it was
something quite beyond them.
It is beyond most of us.
You don't go for...
inessentials.
I need everything else, as well.
My house, Jim, making meals,
taking the children to school.
I need my domestic life to...
hold me down a bit.
To keep your feet on the ground?
Yes.
Domestic life would kill me.
Are you trying to say
I can't have both?
You can't have both.
But I must! I need both.
I have to have both.
Wendy went out and phoned your dad?
Why did she do that?
She seemed to think
there was something wrong.
What happened today?
I was... by myself.
Beside myself.
That was...
all.
I've been having such...
dreams lately, Andrew.
It's like...
like the sea.
And sleep.
It's like the sea.
Connecting everything.
I wake up, and I write things
down straight out of my sleep.
Solitude then.
In the middle of the night.
Peace.
Like today in the gale.
Oh, where's...?
Where's my notebook?
You have to look after yourself.
I can't, always.
The trouble is...
I'm torn between languages.
You don't have that problem
in painting.
How not?
Did you see
what he's doing now?
Other people paint landscapes,
Andrew paints roofscapes.
Between times, I'm painting
Wendy in dance costume.
- Or no costume.
- Ah, well,
that's when I'm at my least abstract.
The dance poses, though,
are in costume.
I like the very tender ones
he's done of you,
but I can see what he means
about roofscapes.
Ah! Jim!
Good to see you.
Oh, and you've come to the right place
if it's your wandering wife
you're looking for.
Here she is.
So, what's up?
Oh, we're alright.
Everything's alright.
Greta got caught in that storm.
I didn't get caught,
I was enjoying it.
Tea, Jim?
Aye, she got a thorough drooking
in a real downpour.
Thunder and lightning,
the whole caboodle.
- Didn't you hear it?
- Oh, sure.
Er, the lights went out
at the office.
It's like the wake now.
The wake after the storm.
Everything's calmed down now.
Wake?
That's one of my words.
Yours would be the wake of a boat
or waking up in the night.
Or any kind of aftermath.
A wake for the departed,
wailing and moaning.
Well, that's another.
You see? What a word.
So, er...
you're alright, then?
I couldn't be better.
This is the BBC Home Service.
Here is the news.
Further H-bomb tests
in the Pacific Ocean
have shown satisfactory results.
A committee has been formed
for the control
of industrial and other uses
of atomic energy.
At today's meeting
of the United Nations,
the Soviet representative
left the meeting as a protest
against the speech
made by the Indian delegate.
The price of bacon will rise
by a ha'penny a pound
from tomorrow.
A woman in Perth, Australia,
has given birth to quadruplets.
I just hate the news.
The Soviet representative
left today's meeting
of the United Nations...
I would like to have a baby.
Barbara, I didn't know.
What in the world have we been
so at odds about, then?
- Oh, but...
- Why didn't you say?
Don't think about it.
We couldn't possibly!
Oh. Well...
that's it.
That is not it!
You mean that is not it,
that is not it at all.
Of course, I do admire the way
Andrew lives.
And yet, Jim...
What do you think you were doing? I...
I don't understand you, Greta.
How could you be so inconsiderate?
- What do you mean?
- Worrying people like that!
What do you think
you were doing?
Worrying who?
Who was worrying?
Well, me.
A-A-And Wendy.
When she phoned me
at the office.
Did she?
Well, I didn't know.
Well, there was no need.
Oh...
I see!
Well, what did she say?
Just that... that she thought
I ought to come round.
I didn't know what to think.
And then there you were,
just as if nothing was
the matter at all!
Well, nothing was the matter.
Well, I felt a fool, being sent for!
Wendy couldn't have understood
the thrill of being out in all that.
Can't say I do, either.
I'm sorry.
Please don't leave me
out of things.
Chocolate cake!
Can I have it?
A big bit for me!
Is it the heredity you're afraid of?
Stop analysing me, Philip!
You're my friend, not my analyst.
Oh! "Friend" now, is it?
I thought I was your lover.
Great words, you use.
What is it?
She says "delirious".
But Mrs Kemp's an alarmist.
You've said so yourself.
What if she's right this time
and he really is ill?
Yes, yes, er... You'd better go.
- You'll only be sorry if you don't.
- You're right.
I need to go.
What is it, Mummy?
Is it Grandad? Is he ill again?
- Will he die?
- Shh.
Can I come with you,
Mummy, to see Grandad?
Next time, darling.
She flew north the same day
and then got some friends
with a motorboat
to take her out to where
Grandfather had gone to live.
Oh, thanks.
The day's getting a wee bit overcast.
It's fine.
You didn't take sugar.
Cheers.
I remember it all
exactly as she told me it.
- Bye!
- Bye!
Mrs Kemp?
Mrs Kemp, is that you? Come up!
Och, aye, it's you, lass.
Hello, Father.
My, am I glad to see you!
Is there nobody in the house
with you?
Mrs Kemp will be coming in again, aye.
Are you by yersel'?
Is Jim and the bairns no with you?
Not this time.
How are you now?
Mrs Kemp said in her wire that...
I was fair wash yesterday.
But I'm good bit better today.
But I'm dry.
I'm needing a drink.
Ah-ah-ah-ah, a dram!
Are you allowed whisky?
"Allowed"?
- What does the doctor say?
- Doctor?
Oh, I'm having no doctor.
And now you're here,
I don't need a doctor.
Let's get you up.
Oh, I'm right glad you came,
Mrs Thorburn.
He was worse yesterday,
you know?
- Far worse.
- He's not too bad now.
Delirious. And he wouldn't
have the doctor.
I hope you don't mind me
sending for you.
- Oh, no.
- He talked such nonsense!
What's all the whispering about?
Would you like
to come in and see him?
Ach, women!
Well, then!
How are you feeling now,
Mr Kelday?
Better. I'm better.
Och, that's right.
I'll bring you fresh milk
the morn.
There's butter in the pantry.
I baked him
some scones yesterday,
but he wouldn't have them.
It's kind of you to do so much.
Och, anybody would do
what I do.
I'm very grateful.
Go home, do, Ida! Greta's here.
The lass is tired
and she's needing a rest.
I know. And I'm needed home, too,
so I'll go.
Goodnight, then.
Bye.
She's been awful good to me.
You mustn't mind her.
But... but go you to your bed
and get some rest.
Are you sure you're alright?
Goodnight.
Shoo!
Cat, get down!
Come here.
I was bringing the breakfast
up to you!
Breakfast upstairs? Oh, never.
No while I can walk down.
Mrs Kemp must have been in
before I got up
and left this new bannock
and some milk and eggs.
Eggs? There's no need
to leave me eggs.
I have plenty eggs
from my own hens.
I threw them some oats.
What time do they get properly fed?
Time? Oh, any time.
When I mind on!
I see your mother in you.
No!
Oh, it's grand
having me lass home.
Why have we never spoken
about her very much?
We never do.
I don't know.
Maybe it's been just...
too difficult.
It still is.
You were at your studies,
and Donald,
he was still at school,
and I just...
I just couldn't.
I lost something by leaving home.
But you have your own home now
in Edinburgh.
- I know.
- And I've got me home here.
I don't like you living here
all by yourself.
You're not fit for it now.
Could you not move back
into town and be looked after?
Oh, town's no use to me.
I'm fine here.
Well, have someone living in here, then.
Oh, no fear!
Somebody keeping me in order?
Some niminy-piminy,
"Ooh, that shouldn't go there."
I'm no wanting that!
Have a drop more, Dan.
Billy Spencer's car is coming
down the road.
- Oh, hello, Dan!
- Hello, Greta!
Good, we'll get some sense
out of him.
Dan here can never
get his stories straight.
Do you still keep bees at Fea, Dan?
Oh, yes, I do that.
And I mind you as a biddy bairn,
no three year auld,
doon on your hunkers,
watching them going
oot and in the hive.
And you'd have stayed there
all day.
I was fascinated. I loved them.
And I never knew
they might sting me!
And they never did.
But it was a wonder.
Oh, here,
I have got something for you.
This is for you
to take home wi' you.
Oh, Dan!
Oh, when I heard you were here,
I kent that was
the very thing you would like.
None for me, Dan?
I like clover honey, too!
Oh, thank you, Dan!
This is precious.
Come in, Billy!
There's a dram for you here.
- Hello, Greta!
- Hello, Billy.
- Dan.
- Alright?
How's the man?
I heard you were dying!
Och, so I was, but I didna.
I'm alright noo.
Oh, that's the way of you.
Here's your health.
Here.
Right fine you have your daughter home.
She'll look after you.
Billy, you'll ken the yarn aboot
Willie o' Bindatoon at the Airy wedding.
What was the way o' it?
Oh, yes, I believe I heard that one,
indeed, boy.
It was in the wartime.
- Were you no there, boy?
- Oh, I was there that time.
- I was at that wedding!
- You were there?
- How could you be there?
- I was!
It was one time
we were all out staying.
Oh, except you.
You were no there, Sam,
but it was a right laugh, anyway.
Ken I was no here! It was the wartime!
I was in the drifters on the prow!
The way I heard!
Well, what is the story?
Why can't I hear it?
What's all the fun?
They'll no tell me the story.
It was Willie.
Willie o' Bindatoon
at the Airy wedding.
Och, he had shame for once!
In his best suit.
When she was a wee girl
and her mother was alive,
they lived in the town,
and it was all very different.
What kind of business
did he have there?
Ship's chandler. Marvellous shop.
Full of things for fishermen
and boats.
And for bigger ships, too.
I remember being in it
when I was very wee,
and he seemed to me
so powerful!
With all the lovely things to sell.
Thanks.
Donald.
I wish I'd known my grandmother Kelday.
Do you ken this is called
a mermaid's pool, Greta?
What if I could see her now?
Is there really a mermaid, Grandad?
Well, that's what they say,
but I canna say I've ever seen one.
Come on now, it's time to go!
Grandad?
Do no greet, me biddy bairn.
You're safe wi' your old grandad.
And the tide won't be in
for a while.
It really happened.
We used to get told all that
going to bed.
Some bedtime story!
Oh, Jim!
I wasn't really in any danger
in the cave.
And I was quite used
to being in there.
Donald and I used to go in
by ourselves later,
when we were a bit bigger.
I loved the mermaid's pool,
but I got a terrible fright that time,
to see the water coming right in,
och, though there was plenty of time
to get out.
I think it affected
my mother as much as me.
I thought it was all in the dream.
The dream you keep having, Greta,
when you wake up
making those despairing noises.
Oh, here they come!
It is a dream now.
But it wasn't then.
This is where my mother died.
You should be here, Jim.
You shouldn't have come here.
I had to.
I wouldn't go down there.
It was something we did.
It's safe enough
on a day like this.
She was taking a risk.
I know.
She was swept off the rocks.
And she'd always warned us
about the backwash.
There it is!
Oh, there they are!
Look!
Oh! The beauties!
Would you believe, darling...
this tiny flower...
will grow only on this wild clifftop...
and nowhere else
in the whole world?
Try to transplant it...
and it just dies.
I love it so much!
They'd met when she was a student
and still in a state of shock
after her mother drowned.
And when they first got married,
it was in that post-war time
they all talk about.
Awful strain,
it must have been.
Everyone had to queue for things,
like fish, even.
And once she was in a queue
where a girl fainted,
she'd been waiting so long.
It's another world.
It's coming back, though.
No!
Ah, look! It's a tree!
Sunday walk, watching the sea,
going for a drink later.
I like this.
Oh, I wish I could paint.
I'd love to paint the sea.
Paint the sea, eh?
Did you see that sort of
photographs what's-her-name did,
trying to capture the sea?
Those photographs? I saw them.
Photographs are no use for this.
I've tried photographs.
Oh, you've tried photographs,
have you?
Have you tried words?
You must have ink in your veins
as well as the sea in your blood.
Wool in my blood, more like!
From my shepherd ancestors
in the Borders, Philip.
My Thorburn side.
Philip! Barbara!
Barbara! Philip!
Come on up!
It is!
Hello, Roger.
Is this really your idea of fresh air
and exercise for a Sunday afternoon?
Well, the kids are down on the beach
with the dog,
and that'll do for the lot of us.
Come on, get in out the wind.
Talk about muzak!
Don't you like this?
It's, you know...
Oh, no, no, no, outside,
I meant.
Er, you two married now
or something?
You looked very married,
strolling along there.
No knot has been tied.
We're the same as before.
We're not really
the marrying kind, Roger.
Ach, who is?
But we get married just the same.
Hmm.
I'm flying!
I can fly!
I can fly!
I like coming into town with you, Daddy,
and I like it when the boys
don't come with us.
Where are we going
for morning coffee?
Same place as last week?
OK. But not until we get
shoes to fit you first.
She'd better bring me something
a lot nicer than this.
Here's the girl now.
I'm not wearing that.
But you can't tell
till you try it on, dear.
They might be the very thing on.
Just try it.
Never.
If you loved me
Half as much as I love you
You wouldn't worry me
as much as you do
You're nice to me...
Else around...
Only build me up to let me down...
I know now.
Missed me...
I know what it is.
It's not just finding an identity,
not that.
Stay away half as much as you do...
Forget I'm my mother's daughter.
I'm me.
Be so blue...
- If you only loved me
- Me!
Half as much as I love you...
How could it be that, really?
Not the whole of it, anyway.
You're not listening!
What did you say?
You weren't listening!
Well, tell me again.
It was Aunt Effie's house,
my dad's Aunt Effie.
And we had it all to ourselves!
She'd gone off for a six-month
trip to New Zealand,
and we could stay
any time we wanted.
It was great for that Easter,
a wee beach all to ourselves.
One... two... three...
Four... five... six...
Seven... eight... nine...
Ten... eleven...
Twelve... thirteen... fourteen...
Fifteen... sixteen... seventeen...
Eighteen... nineteen... twenty...
Twenty-one... twenty-two...
Twenty-three... twenty-four...
Twenty-five... twenty-six...
Twenty-seven...
Thirty-eight... thirty-nine...
Thirty-seven...
Thirty-eight...
Thirty-nine!
There's one.
What's in there?
Can you hear anything?
I hear the sea! Listen!
Go on, listen, Mummy.
Put it up to your ear.
Yes, I do hear it, dear.
I hear what you heard.
I hear the sea.
Those boys will get
their shoes and socks wet.
Fergus! Tom!
Fergus, Tom, come on.
Come on, let's jump
on the seaweed and make it pop.
Wait for me!
- What are you doing?
- We're popping the seaweed.
He was to come down at the weekends, but...
he hadn't managed the first,
and the second seemed doubtful.
And then, Philip,
in the middle of the night...
Can you imagine?
- It wasn't me, it was Tom!
- I wasn't doing anything.
You wakened her.
What a fright to get, eh?
- It's the middle of the night.
- Mummy!
Did she...?
Was she...?
Could she...?
Daddy's here, Daddy's here!
Whose car have you got, Daddy?
You know Mr Fraser
at the garage? It's his.
Are you gonna finish dressing, you two,
or go back to bed?
Back to bed.
In you go. Good boys, ooh!
There we are.
Mummy!
Shh, now.
Where's Mummy?
How can she still be sleeping?
Mummy's...
I'll tell you, erm...
But go to sleep now.
Get some sleep before
we drive back to Edinburgh.
I don't want to go
back to Edinburgh.
Shut your eyes, Tom.
That's a good boy.
You've been very kind,
Mrs Brodie.
It's what anybody would do.
I'll have to see to these bairns.
Mrs Brodie was the neighbour who came in
after two fishermen, going out very early,
had found my mother
near the edge of the sea,
floating in her nightdress,
out below the house
where we were staying.
Barbie, Barbie, Barbie.
My own wee Barbie.
My very own wee townie girl.
I don't know how it happened...
That's it, Barbara, hey?
Whether it was sleepwalking...
she'd been known to do that.
Or...
Philip, I still can't bear to think it.
That she...
- Walked into the sea?
- Yes.
In her sleep.
Well, it doesn't seem possible.
The cold water would wake her up.
You'd think so.
No-one could comfort me then.
He was the only one.
His wee girl.
And I knew what he meant,
his wee townie girl.
Only his.
You don't see
a lot of him now, though. How's that?
We've not so much patience
with each other nowadays.
Thanks.
Is it because he married again?
Oh, no! I get on fine with Kirsten.
She's a gem.
It's him I've really lost touch with,
since he moved to the Borders.
Success story there.
It was a good move.
He has his own business,
and it's as if he never wants
to leave the place.
So...
That's Greta Kelday's story?
Nothing to be added.
Her "story"?
Story, yeah.
With a beginning, a middle and an end.
It all happened.
It's not just a story to me.
Because, you see...
I knew her.
And it's my story, too.
Well, maybe I'm a bit jealous of that.
Jealous?
Yeah. I don't come into
any of that.
Oh, but you do!
When I talk to you about it,
it helps me understand.
What is there to understand?
Your mother or your grandmother,
that's all gone.
You're more of a mystery.
- There you go.
- She still haunts me, though.
Why did she do it?
Even if she was just sleepwalking?
It's not terribly uncommon.
The sea can be horribly tempting.
It draws you in.
Have you never felt it?
Have you never felt,
looking down over a cliff,
how you'd just like
to go right in?
No, I haven't, and don't you do that!
I'm not having that.
Don't worry,
I won't get sucked in.
I'm my father's daughter.
Landswoman. Townie. Remember?
Cheers.
I couldn't do anything like that.
Sorry.
Do you remember the cosmonauts
and their giant step for mankind?
It was nothing like that,
but it was a giant step for her.
One minute alive,
playing with your children,
and the next minute...
Walking into the sea?
Just taking a step of your own
so big, so definite, that...
it was like
stepping onto the moon.
Or into the sea.
As long as you don't
take your giant step away from me.
Stay with me.
I want to.
No moon-steps for me.
I'd really like to...
read more of her work.
But where's all the rest of it?
Well, I'd have to ask Kirsten
what happened to any papers
that were in the old flat.
It's years since they left.
What, you mean it might all
have been thrown out?
Well, I was never sure
he really valued it.
I mean, really,
for what it was, and...
We were too young, too unaware, so...
Was there never anything published?
Only in the Scotsman.
And in one or two poetry magazines.
I could find the Scotsman ones.
And the magazines will be
in the National Library,
we can get to see those.
We can easily trace all
the published poems, Barbara.
Shouldn't be a problem.
Excuse me,
couldn't spare some change, could you?
- Put it in the tin.
- Oh, sorry.
I'll try and come back...
Nae bother. Thanks very much.
- Is that it?
- Hang on.
Erm...
We need something on the easel.
Mm...
Er, do you need to see what it is?
No, no, just the back.
- That do?
- Mm-hm.
Mm...
Don't you usually wear
an overall of some kind?
Oh, that's good!
I like that!
Colour splashed all over it.
Memories of paintings past.
And the paintings yet to come!
Paintings present are all
at the exhibition.
You know, I'm flattered
by the idea of this retrospective,
but doesn't it make me seem
like dead and gone?
Everybody knows
you're very much here.
Erm...
I need a special one
for the catalogue.
- And they want...
- I know.
The window. Brilliant.
And me looking out at my roofscapes.
Am I right?
Well...
Erm...
Yes, but it's quite appropriate,
don't you think?
Couldn't we do without that?
Mm...
No, it's too much.
Could you turn it over, Andrew?
The gold side?
Ah, yes, that's better.
You're by no means
dead and gone.
Or dead and not gone.
A-ha!
What are you so pleased about, then?
- I got a really good one there!
- Good girl.
OK, that's fine for now.
Just put it down there.
Oh, yes!
Eurgh!
Tsk!
I thought a lot of your mother,
you know.
Oh, but... you were her guru!
- Guru?
- I've always heard.
Who told you such a thing?
It can only have come from her.
Such a loss.
Excuse me, do you think Mr Cunningham
could sign this for me?
We start at the very top, OK?
Oh, a dancer!
Oh, now, I remember her.
Oh, she was good!
What was the name...
- Hi.
- Just one, thank you.
And a catalogue.
There you are!
The same pattern
again and again, roof after roof.
Permutations... variations.
And those romantics...
- Superb.
- Absolutely superb.
It's great to see them
all together.
Thank you.
You know, we've both
always supported you.
Yes.
So, they came back again!
You should get good write-ups
from those two.
Ach, they were both full
at the opening.
I know!
So was I, mind you.
- Andrew!
- Andrew!
Wow!
I had no idea of your range!
- They're terrific!
- Yes, tremendous.
Seeing them all together,
they're terrific!
I'm bowled over!
Thank you.
Come on, let's go somewhere.
I've had enough of this!
- I may not be back, Eileen.
- Aye, alright.
All exactly the same!
I ask you!
But that's what they are, Mother.
Roofscapes!
It was really great tonight.
Take care.
- Penny for the guy, sir!
- Penny for the guy?
Come on, penny for the guy!
I haven't got a penny for the guy.
I haven't got any, I'm sorry.
- Penny for the guy, sir?
- 50p, go on.
- Let somebody else have some.
- No.
OK. Bye
Gave me a real fright, that...
What's the occasion?
It's... how she left it.
I just closed the window.
It... it's a poem.
It's a poem she'd started.
There's, um, only...
We're going home.
Come on. Will we go now?
I don't want to go.
I have to be here tomorrow.
Don't go today, Daddy.
Come on, Fergus.
Hear us, O Lord
From heaven
Thy dwelling place
Like them of old
In vain we toil all night
Unless with us Thou go
Who art the light
Come, then, O Lord
That we may see Thy face
Thou, Lord, dost rule
The raging of the sea
When loud the storm
And furious is the gale
Strong is Thine arm
Our little barks are frail
Send us Thy help
Remember Galilee
Amen.