Boardwalk Winter (2025) Movie Script

(no audio)
(no audio)
(waves crashing)
(slow guitar music)
(slow guitar music continues)
(Fern sighs)
(slow guitar music continues)
(Fern exhales)
(slow guitar music continues)
(Fern exhales)
(slow guitar music continues)
(slow guitar music continues)
(slow guitar music continues)
(slow guitar music continues)
Yeah, I couldn't sleep in either.
I made you a bagel with cream cheese.
You know, I was struggling with something.
I gotta get out there, you know?
I mean, it's not healthy to
be up in my room all day.
Rest and relaxation is a good thing,
it's why I moved here. (Sighs)
But a girl can only take so much isolation.
But if I go out there and I stumble,
which I know I will, and no
one's there to pick me up,
I just wonder,
will it all even be worth it?
I guess what I'm asking you is,
should I go for a run?
(waves continue crashing)
(slow reggae music)
You're my lady, lady, lady
And I can never hurt you
You are my baby, baby, baby
So, Guinevere, how's
your new winter hangout?
Actually, it's Fern now.
Okay, Fern it is.
(slow reggae music continues)
She is a blessing from above
Sometimes if I stare too long into one
of my client's bald spots... When I die,
I want you to bury me
in the creepiest graveyard you can find.
Okay, Fern is much darker than Guinevere-
Next to an old tree with a gaping hole
where throngs of bats live.
You got up early again, didn't you?
I want the gravedigger to
leave a mound of dirty over me
with no grass, and put
the gravestone in crooked.
And the stone should already
have a crack spidering in
from the corner.
That's very vivid.
I want everyone
who visits to be terrified
that I might reach up out of
the dirt and grab their ankles.
You are taking notes, right?
Oh, yeah, even when you're dead,
you want to be able to grab ankles.
Exactly.
You looked great out there.
Come back anytime.
Oh, thank you, thank you.
You were a wonderful audience.
The sweater's a nice touch,
sundress for all seasons.
(waves continue crashing)
So I rented out my half bath.
What?
To a professional gamer, mm-hmm.
Do you want to meet him?
Immediately.
You're journaling?
(Fern laughs)
Well, (sighs) I figure the only child
of deceased parents ought
to leave some sort of record
of her existence behind.
Come on.
I'm in the sniper's nest.
Head shot, let's go.
(slow music)
Is he taking a (whispers)?
No, no, no, no, his pants are up.
Yeah, I'll introduce you, (knocks) hello.
Howdy, Fern.
This is my best friend, Tiffany.
When did you get friends?
And you are?
The Spec Ops Tea Bag.
I'm sorry, what?
See, whenever he kills
one of his little opponents,
how likes to make his character squat
on top of the enemy's
carcass over and over again.
I've seen him do it, he's talented.
The best.
Oof, yikes.
It's a statement, it says
not only can I kill you,
but I have time to humiliate you, too.
Dark.
What's your actual name?
Skip.
Skip, (laughs) that's a puppy's name.
Rude, Tiff.
I'm sorry, but your murdering
and humping isn't very puppy-like?
It's not puppy-like at all.
So why play games in a bathroom?
Air strike on the team.
Solitude, for one.
And dedication.
He gets all his food delivered
and literally never leaves.
So this is what you live for, Skip,
virtual tea bagging day and night?
The career of a professional
gamer peaks at a young age
and steeply declines as reflexes fail.
I could wake up as an
old man without notice.
An old man named Skip.
That'll be a sad day indeed.
Well, we better go, I promised
I'd only say hi once per day,
and we just did way more than hi.
Aw, how lonely.
Well, see you later then, Skippy tea boy.
Yeah, I'll be here.
Fern, close the chamber to my war room.
(slow music continues)
Dude, you're gonna blame it
on your internet connection?
Tell your mom to switch out
the dial up in the basement.
I am not a salesman, I.
Okay, well, I am a salesman,
but I'm not here soliciting.
I'm here to see-
Not Fern, I will not allow it.
Fern?
Don't worry, Mrs. Kellogg,
Eric is Tiffany's boyfriend.
Oh, well, that's all right, then.
- Hey.
- Hey.
He has corporate pimp vibes,
like he would sell anything to anyone.
Like he would sell marbles to a toddler,
like he would sell fentanyl
to a
person.
You need someone more wholesome.
I'll be sure to set my sights higher
than a corporate pimp.
Good, all right, I am going
to smother my (indistinct)
With pancakes smothered in chocolate.
Yum.
Y'all are welcome to
join me across the street,
even the shill.
I'm-
I'd love to, Mrs. Kellogg,
but unfortunately I have
a doctor's appointment.
Ah, well, that's the next best thing
to a junk food breakfast. (Laughs)
Absolutely. (Laughs)
Yeah.
Shill?
You know what, lady, you're a-
(Eric groans)
It's too hard.
Yeah, yeah, Fern's
a little more aggressive
than Guinevere, let's get you up.
(Eric groans)
Ready to go?
You keep this one out of trouble.
I'll let you know if the
doctor says anything.
You sure, what if he finally gives you-
It's been nothing since the diagnosis,
and just test after test.
I'll be fine, promise.
I'll call you later.
Okay, bye, shill.
(slow music)
(slow music continues)
(doctor knocks)
Hey, Dr. Swayze.
So what's the verdict?
It's Schwazer, actually.
You know, Swayze is fine.
I know, I'm just a big "Point Break" fan.
Yeah, not "Dirty Dancing"?
No, I need some surf, sand,
sun and Keanu with my Swayze.
Looks like you get a bit of sun.
Yes, yes, I do, I-I have always felt
that the sun can unlock
incredible healing powers in us.
I mean-I mean, it can contribute
to your overall better health.
Well, the tan looks great,
and it really makes your lab coat pop.
Yeah, well,
thank you.
So we have your test results back,
and there will be no need
for further tests at this time.
The diagnosis is still accurate,
and right now we have a prognosis of sorts.
A prognosis of sorts?
Oh, you've been hard at work there, doc.
(Dr. Schwazer laughs)
I am not good at this.
It's okay, Dr. Schwazer.
I- I know you're just the messenger,
and I know the tests
won't sure that I'm cured,
so you can just be straight with me.
I can handle it.
Well, you're right, you're
not cured, and right now,
unfortunately, healing isn't an option,
only limited treatment
to help prolong life.
Sheesh, doc.
You couldn't have put on a red clown nose
or something to break
the news little easier?
Well, I told you I'm not good at this.
But we do offer excellent
consultation here,
you can... It's, (sniffs)
It's okay, I'm just teasing, doc. (Laughs)
You, (sighs) you did great.
Yeah, you have a tough job.
So, (sighs)
How long do I have?
(Dr. Schwazer sighs)
Well, there really is no
way of knowing for sure, it's,
the case like yours, it could
be years, it could be months.
There's just no way of knowing for sure.
But I should prepare for the worst.
Look, I know this is gonna sound cliche,
but a patient's outlook, (sighs)
Their-their fight, that
can really determine a lot.
I guess it's too late for me
to just go get some more sun, huh?
Well, I want you to remember this.
When we're-when we're
talking about outlook,
it's important not to lose perspective.
Keep setting goals for
yourself, long term goals,
as if I never delivered this news today.
(slow guitar music)
Always be humble and kind
Don't let the hatred consume your mind
I know it can be hard to find
All the love deep inside
And though we're
living in some crazy times
In all the darkness,
you can be the light
Focus on a good in your life
And always be humble
So he basically said it's up
to you how much longer you have?
I guess modern medicine has yet
to reach the capability of willpower.
No, he should give you better advice.
I don't know, he seemed
pretty wise and adorably nervous,
with an oddly perfect tan.
(Tiffany laughs)
Okay, are you gonna marry
the guy or get his medical help?
He said to set long term goals.
He doesn't know how much longer you have.
(waves crashing)
You know what, I'm gonna do it.
No, no, no.
No, who are you calling?
My boss, shh.
Hey, (laughs) do you have a minute?
Oh, (laughs) okay, good,
'cause I don't have many left.
No, literally, I'm dying.
No, no, it's not a joke, death is no joke.
Well, I-I guess I have
joked about death before.
Really, (laughs) often, well,
this time it's for real,
and we need to talk.
So I know you said that I needed experience
and leadership skills
before I would be eligible
for a promotion, but I disagree.
No, no, no, no, no, I'm being assertive,
which is an ideal quality in a leader,
and I need the promotion
now because I'm dying.
What do you mean this isn't
the Make-A-Wish Foundation?
You're the one being inappropriate.
You know what, fine,
if that's how you really feel, then I quit.
No, I'm not gonna give you a
two weeks' notice, I'm dying.
Well, there goes that long term goal.
Okay, that was more of a kamikaze demand.
(Fern sighs)
You need to bring back Guinevere.
She was way less impulsive.
And boring.
Fine, I gotta pee, don't
wander off with a stranger,
unless he's super hot, then just text me.
Sure.
Don't say hi to Skip, unless
you think he's super hot.
[Tiffany] Ha.
(slow guitar music)
(waves crashing)
(slow guitar music continues)
What are you, some sort of addict?
What are you, some sort of stalker?
Yes.
I always said the best kind
of stalkers come in sundresses.
That's a solid observation.
(slow guitar music continues)
(waves continue crashing)
So, what's up, sundress?
You still didn't answer my question.
I'm an addict when the surf is up,
and low tide hits twice during daylight.
Three times if the moon is full?
I think that's more for fishing.
Yes, please, take me seriously.
Hey, can you teach me?
To fish?
Gross, no, to surf. (Cole laughs)
I don't know, surfing
takes a lifetime to learn.
Well, I've gotta spend it on something.
All right, I'll teach you.
Lay down on your stomach
like you're about to do a pushup.
Should I change into something, or?
If you could pop up in a sundress,
you'll have no problem out there.
Really?
No, (laughs) no,
it's-it's extremely difficult.
Come on.
Okay.
Get down, do your best girly pushup.
Rude.
Okay, then give me your best pushup.
Stop, right there,
perfect, hold that position.
I admit, I don't exercise much. (Laughs)
Okay, next you're gonna bring
your left foot to your chest.
(waves continue crashing)
So you're a surfer now.
Oh, no, I have
absolutely no knack for this.
That's not true, her
girly pushups are perfect.
I can imagine.
Thanks.
Well, I guess I'll see you around,
unless you enter surfer's rehab.
Don't count on it, see you, sundress.
(waves continue crashing)
Sundress.
It's official, I'm on my way out,
and apparently I get to
choose how long I stay.
I suppose that's always
sort of our own choice,
but now I kind of feel like I do
when I'm checking my email at work
and I get a meeting invite.
I'm ready to accept it,
but I should probably wait a little bit
so no one thinks I'm anxious.
I just gotta find something
else worth being anxious over.
This is a pretty half-baked
bucket list adventure, Tiffany.
Hey, no, this place is adorable,
and I deserve some extra points
because it's in your new neighborhood.
I just thought we'd do
something more death-defying.
Golf is very therapeutic.
It's good for your mind and your soul.
What do you know about a soul?
Well, actually, I've
been reading this book
on business leadership, and it-
Let's just, let's make some memories
before we throw ourselves out of a plane.
I want to throw myself out of a plane.
I want the-the adventure
and the recklessness.
My journal depends on it.
Okay, let's just give it a try,
because look how cute the monkey is.
Technically, that's an
ape, doesn't have a tail,
but he's this big... Okay, babe, yeah, yeah,
quiet time, five minutes, okay?
Let's go to the next hole.
Yeah.
(slow reggae music)
Actually, maybe it's best if I go first.
[Tiffany] Go ahead.
Okay, ready?
Bounce.
Okay.
You made it over the hill.
Yeah, I wanted it to go right there.
Straight down just
a little bit, right there.
You know what, why don't you just, here.
What is this mental space
That was... That was great, wasn't it?
[Tiffany] That was great,
- that was a shot.
- It was pretty great.
Fern, actually, if you, so,
like, you're being, shoulder-
Me too, we escape
Yeah, let's give her space,
okay, every player's... Hey, yeah, no,
- no, no, yeah.
- A little different.
[Eric] Yeah, yeah.
That one was... Oh, that was pretty good.
Inspiration to create
But if they want to hate
I won't give faith
(Tiffany shrieks)
All the love we made
[Eric] Looking good, looking good.
[Fern] Okay, close, right?
Hello, faith
[Fern] Nice, nice, nice.
Great!
Let's keep the voice down.
Remember when I bought that green jacket?
- Yes.
- Yeah-
I didn't like it.
It was gonna match my eyes.
(Tiffany laughs)
Hello, faith
Hello
[Eric] Are you coming?
[Fern] Yeah.
I'm like a wildebeest.
Elevate
Oh, if that goes in. (Laughs)
Watch this place
How could I be
Whatever you see
Why do you want to bother me
Okay, your falter is a little bit off,
but if you just adjust your grip there-
Look, this has been fun, Tiff,
but it still feels a little empty.
I mean, I just don't
know what to write about.
Well, maybe this entry
can be about friendship
and-and animals and cuteness.
And your technique really has improved.
I mean, if you keep working at it,
I think you'd be ready for-
What, the pirate place across the street?
Well, no, that-that's a
very different strategy,
and you're not close to that,
but if you keep working
at it, I think we can-
Look, guys, I appreciate it,
but my problems aren't
gonna be fixed by tiny golf.
Mini golf-
Okay, wait, I wasn't trying
to solve your problems.
I just thought we wanted
to have a little bit of fun.
Well, then there's the haunted house
that's next to the body piercing shop,
and there's an old time-y
photo studio right next to it.
I mean, we could have a spring break themed
going away party-
Fern, I just, I thought
this plan would be fun
and different, and... Look, I'm,
I'm not mad at you, okay?
I- I just, (cries) I just need to go home.
I gotta... Go.
Okay.
Rhinos.
Naked unicorn.
(Fern sighs)
(footsteps pattering)
(slow reggae music)
(slow reggae music continues)
(slow reggae music continues)
(slow reggae music continues)
(slow reggae music continues)
[Fern] I don't know what swept me up,
but I was in a fog.
(slow reggae music continues)
Swimming in the deep, deep water
Try to navigate
Throw myself in the fire
Come out unscathed, surrounded by
[Fern] Of course I went with him.
He was cute and I was vulnerable.
I don't need their praise
You know no weapon formed
[Fern] I have no idea
what the pastor said
or what vows were made, but
everything became clear to me.
I felt like I did as a little
girl playing "wedding day"
with my friends. (Laughs)
It was so
pure.
No, I didn't go home with the guy.
He was from out of
town and he didn't push it.
He was a gentleman.
But now I know what
to put on my bucket list.
Swimming in the deep, deep water
[Fern] Just one item.
Get married.
Throw myself in the fire
(dish clinks)
Just a quick catnap and back at it.
Sorry, Lucas, I had to step
away from the controller.
Had to find my wallet to pay your mom.
Good morning, Skip.
You know, I was thinking
about what you were saying the other day,
about wasting your youth
and getting old, and I-
I said that?
I'm sorry, did you say catnap?
Are-are you trying not to sleep?
There is no try, only do.
So, yeah, I guess I
failed there for a minute.
Skip, that's insane.
Are there even people on at
this time for you to-to battle?
I gotta be the best, so
I can't sleep like the rest.
Maybe we should get some
of those electric paddle things
in case your heart gives out.
A defibrillator?
So you two know each other.
You were saying
something about getting old?
Mm-hmm, I decided I'm gonna get married
before it's too late.
Congratulations, when's the date?
I need to find a fiance first.
That is recommended, yeah.
What are you doing next weekend?
I can only marry a woman
who could best me at a game of my choice.
Mm, picky, picky, picky Skip.
Yeah, we all have standards.
Absolutely, here, you want bacon?
Always, hit me, ah.
Did you microwave it?
You're a trash person.
Yeah, I'm the trash person.
Hey.
I have been begging
you to find a man for years,
Mrs. Powerful career woman
who never needed a man to complete her.
No, you haven't, and
I don't sound like that.
Yes, I have, I only stopped begging
'cause I knew it'd be futile.
I had no idea you just
needed your life threatened,
I could call... Be nice.
I'm about to be real nice and set you up
with a great guy I know.
If he's so great, why
aren't you with him?
I have Eric.
This guy's not better
than Eric, yeah, pass.
Rude.
Yeah.
Fine, how do you want to meet a man?
I feel like I should go
out there aggressively
and hunt, you know?
That way, if I don't
come home with a trophy,
at least I get a good story out of it.
No, I think you should
start online, my girl.
Online?
You just have to start
slow before, you know,
go out there and hunt.
[Fern] Well, online
dating is starting slow?
You need a sure thing to start with,
literally point and click.
Fine, but if it's a dud, then
we gotta try something else.
We can use my profile,
I will just swap my photo for yours.
You have a profile?
What do you want out of a man?
I literally want a
long walk on the beach.
No, only the cheesiest
guys are gonna put that
on their profiles.
Okay, perfect.
Or creeps.
Well, we'll be in a public area.
All right, one long walk
on the beach coming up.
(waves crashing)
[Speaker] Won't the
sand freeze your feet?
[Fern] No, it's-it's good
to be touching the earth, it's relaxing.
[Speaker] Okay, just let
me know if you get too cold
and we'll hit the restaurant.
(Fern laughs)
[Fern] I'll be fine.
This is a good way to
get to know each other.
[Speaker] Yeah, I guess.
So are you an animal person?
Sort of, you?
I love animals, but hate pets.
Does that make me sound like a monster?
Not at all, I'm the same way.
Really, because, like,
I love going to the zoo
and I love nature films,
but for some reason,
the thought of touching
an animal grosses me out.
I'm totally with you.
(Fern laughs)
So are you an outdoors man?
Sure, I like hiking,
camping, all that stuff.
Nice, I'll hike, climb, canoe, all of it,
but no camping. (Laughs)
When it comes time to sleep,
I prefer the great indoors,
- away from mosquitoes.
- For sure. (Laughs)
Sleeping without bugs is the best.
But you just said-
It's getting pretty chilly.
(Fern laughs)
I don't know.
I don't think this counts
as a long walk yet.
Yeah, you're right, totally.
I'm actually thinking
about taking up surfing.
Have you ever tried?
No, but I bet it's fun.
Oh, (laughs) yeah.
It's kind of funny 'cause
you look like someone who'd,
well, I guess that's a
little judge-y, I'm sorry.
Oh, no, that's okay,
I get that all the time.
Oh, well, would you ever try?
Maybe, I guess.
You know, you could
totally disagree with me.
You could say that it's crazy and dangerous
to try to surf in the winter
and I wouldn't hold it against you.
Oh, no, I don't want to disagree.
Okay, maybe-maybe we
should start heading back.
What about dinner?
I-I don't know, I think
maybe I'll turn in early tonight.
This long walk kind of exhausted me.
Wait, you're ending our date early?
Well, yeah, I mean,
I had a great time, I-
This is what happens
to nice guys like me.
I walk, I walk, and I walk,
and I listen and I listen and I listen.
I'm perfectly pleasant,
even through your absolutely
nonsensical ramblings
about absolutely nothing.
I bet you're gonna call some total jerk now
so he can spend the fun part of the night
with you after sending me away.
That's not gonna happen,
you are gonna have dinner
with the nice guy that
you started the night with.
The-the fun part of the night?
Hold on just a second.
Hello, hi, yeah, police?
Mm-hmm.
(Fern sighs)
Yeah, no, Tiff, I don't
need the actual police,
but we are not doing this
online dating thing again. (Sighs)
I thought it'd be cheesy
cute, not cheesy creepy.
(waves crashing)
(Fern sighs)
We just need a better plan.
Meet me in the morning
tomorrow, I have an idea.
(slow reggae music)
Okay, this is the best idea
you've ever had about anything ever.
I-I didn't think this through.
What's there to think about?
It's a meat head buffet.
You could marry any of
these guys and I'd approve.
Well, how-how do I approach?
They're all high on testosterone,
and your pheromones are
gonna hit them with any approach.
Okay, (sighs) all
right, well, let's dive in.
Yes, okay, so we can't
look like we're on the hunt,
so, yeah, yeah, look at me and laugh.
Like a, like a giggle, or a burst?
Choose some sort of middle ground.
(Fern laughs)
Okay, yeah, yeah, that's enough.
Let's just look like we
didn't plan to be here.
Okay, are you sure?
You got this, I'm right behind you, go.
Stop thinking
So are all your muscles
made on this beach?
They're actually made in the kitchen.
Everybody knows that.
Well, in that case, what
are we still doing here?
Let's go get some breakfast.
It's not that simple.
I have a very active routine
and a very strict regimen.
Well, I'm sure we could rustle
up some vitamin C gummies
along the way... That's not gonna work.
I eat a dozen eggs and then
a big porterhouse steak... Places have eggs.
Are they cage free?
You're cage free.
I don't know.
One more time, yeah, oh, yeah
So are you training
to be a caped crusader?
What?
Like, like Batman, he's good with ropes.
Oh, I think he does more
grappling hooks than ropes,
like, a gun thing that... Yeah, sure.
Take me seriously.
One more time
These guys are all losers.
Okay, you've only tried two.
We came all this way, how about one more?
Third time's a charm.
Okay, fine, but this time, you pick,
so when it's a dud, it's not my fault.
All right, how about the guy
on the swing-y chain things?
Tarzan, great.
Crazy, if you come back
[Fern] Could you do
that 100 feet in the air?
Why would I do that?
Well, you'd want a
safety net at the bottom,
obviously, but could
you do it when it counts,
with a crowd roaring around you?
This isn't really training
for anything like that.
It's-it's a work-(Fern sighs)
Yeah, don't work your brain so hard.
This was all a mistake.
This is not how I'm gonna find love.
Wait, love, I thought you just wanted
to get married as quickly as possible.
That's what you think?
I mean, these guys are plenty hot enough
to take a chance on.
Says the girl who won't take
a chance on actual skydiving.
Okay, there's a zero percent chance
of you ending up splattered
on the pavement if you let one
of these guys take you to dinner.
You don't know that.
I could end up a cautionary
tale for women everywhere.
Yeah, consider me cautioned.
(Fern sighs)
Call me when they put you in a padded cell.
(slow music)
(waves crashing)
(slow music continues)
(slow music continues)
(slow music continues)
(slow music continues)
Hey, sundress.
[Fern] My name is Fern.
(slow music continues)
No, no, you don't want to do that.
No, no, no, no, shouldn't do that.
Do it, I'm ready to try.
You shouldn't do that.
The water is freezing out there.
(waves crashing)
(waves continue crashing)
(waves continue crashing)
I'm Cole, by the way, and
you can borrow my wetsuit
if you really want to head out there,
but I gotta warn you, I'm not
wearing anything underneath.
I don't do all black.
Oh, I can get you something
with a little more color coordination.
So,
Fern, is it?
I think I like "sundress" a little more.
It used to be Guinevere.
Used to be?
Well, I'll probably change it again.
You don't like it?
I was thinking about my
mom a lot when I changed it.
I didn't, like, legally change it,
but she loved ferns, had
them all over the house.
Sounds like a keeper.
Maybe.
I think Sundress should be next.
Probably not.
(waves crashing)
(Fern laughs)
Listen, I think you're
absolutely fascinating
and incredibly beautiful.
I wouldn't be able to forgive myself
if I didn't ask you to dinner, so
you free tonight?
Well. (Laughs)
I mean, I pretty much
just saved your life out there,
so really, you should be
taking me out to dinner.
Sure, dinner sounds great.
Perfect, pick you up at seven?
And if you're gonna go out in the water,
don't forget your Gucci wetsuit, okay?
I'm more of a Prada girl, but okay.
(slow reggae music)
Later, sundress.
(slow reggae music continues)
I'm so sick of the rat race
Just want to sing and play
Play
Where's Tiffany?
Yikes, Eric, (laughs) somewhere else.
She told me to meet her here
after she took you out man hunting.
How was that, anyway?
Unsuccessful.
Sorry to hear that, it's good
you're being picky, though.
Picky, I'm not exactly a
girl who won't eat her peas.
Maybe selective is a better word.
Yeah, maybe.
Well, keep up the search, though.
I'll catch you later.
Actually, I kind of had an
idea I wanted to run by you.
Sure, go for it.
I think you're a really cool girl
and you deserve a great guy
that's gonna treat you right.
Well, I love flattery, go on.
No, no, I'm serious.
The sad thing is, there ready aren't
that many good guys out there.
I wish I knew someone.
Well, Eric, I mean,
you don't have to set me up with anybody.
Actually, I have a date later tonight-
Have you ever heard of a throuple?
(Fern laughs)
No, Eric, what-what-what-what
does that mean?
Well, not to oversimplify it, but it,
it's kind of like a couple,
but there are three people instead of two.
That does seem like the
proper way to simplify it.
Yeah.
I know how close you
and Tiffany are, and, well,
I wouldn't mind getting a
bit closer myself, you know?
Especially considering you
don't have much time left.
Oh, Eric, are you,
are you saying what I think you're saying?
Yeah, what do you think?
I-I think I need to hear you say it
to believe it could be true.
Oh, okay, yeah. (Fern laughs)
Well, would you like to be in a threesome,
would you like to be
in a
throuple with
us?
Eric, dear, that is so,
so disgusting, you pig. (Laughs)
What, I just thought, you know-
You were thinking with the wrong head,
you perv, come on, go home.
Okay, well, let's just,
let's-let's forget about this.
Yeah.
Let's-let's both, you know, for-forget.
Mm-hmm, sure, sounds great.
(Fern sighs)
Bye.
Hi, (laughs) Mrs. Kellogg.
What's that about, forget what?
Oh, nothing, how's your morning going?
Oh, fine, dear.
I'm going to have breakfast.
Would you like to join me?
I would love to get pancakes with you.
Wonderful, then I can hear all
about that creepy throuple thing.
Oh, no, you heard that?
[Mrs. Kellogg] Oh, oh.
[Fern] Can you imagine?
[Mrs. Kellogg] Oh! (Fern laughs)
No.
(silverware clinking) (slow music)
Whoever thought about
eating chocolate chip cookies
disguised as breakfast is genius.
Yes.
Mm-hmm.
Don't grow up to be me, Fern.
But you're amazing and I love you.
Aw, thank you.
I love you, too.
You know, I'm enjoying
the time that I have left,
especially this moment.
But, (sighs) you know, I'm lonely.
Oh.
Yeah, I-I like to brag
about my trips to Rome
and Paris and everything, but
it's an empty experience
if you don't have anyone to share it with.
Well, I'm sure lots of widows
struggle, you know, with-
Oh, I'm not a widow, I
have three ex-husbands.
Number one, Robert.
He was a workaholic.
Oh.
He was a mortician.
Ouch.
He'd rather be with dead people than me.
That's certainly a type.
Then there was prenup Buck.
He said I was his starter wife.
He was angry all the
time, and he kissed like this.
(Fern laughs)
And then there's gentle
Julian, and he never kissed me.
And now he lives in San Francisco.
Oh, mm-hmm.
I don't like to blame, I
caused a lot of problems, too.
And I found Jesus a little too late,
but better late than never.
I can't imagine you causing problems.
You-you haven't known
me very long. (Laughs)
I'm a pretty good judge of character.
Well, I hope you're a
better judge of character
than your friend Tiffany.
[Fern] Hmm, maybe.
What does she see in that perv?
I don't know, they have fun,
but I don't think she's serious about him.
Well, if they do get serious,
I know a veterinarian who's
good with a rubber band.
(Fern laughs)
And if that's too extreme,
I know a podiatrist who's good with cement.
Cement shoes sound perfect.
Are you seeing anyone?
No.
But for the first time in years,
I have a date that I'm
actually excited about.
Oh.
Is he handsome?
Well, he looks good with
wet hair and black rubber.
Oh, back in my day, that
was a strict requirement.
Those days should never end.
Well, you know, priorities evolve.
What do you think I should
look for, you know, in a man?
That's easy.
(silverware clanks)
Total devotion, Fern.
Do you have butterflies?
Swaths of them. (Laughs)
Aw.
At my age, I'm lucky to have dying moths.
Flit, flit, flit, flit.
If you could answer,
I'd say, "Dear diary,"
then ask what men are
like on dates these days.
Do they still bring
flowers and hold the door?
(door knocks)
(door clicks)
(waves crashing)
Are you kidding me?
What's the matter?
You brought flowers.
Yeah, is it okay?
(Fern laughs)
It's a relief.
Oh, okay, (laughs) well, I'm glad.
(Fern laughs)
Wow, you look even more beautiful
than when you spied on me from the balcony.
Hey, you were out there
in the public eye, buddy.
It was fair game.
It's okay, I spied back.
(Fern laughs)
I know just where to put these.
Oh, you can come in a minute.
Okay.
Oh, actually, wait, no.
I don't think I'm supposed to.
Supposed to?
Let you in on the first date.
Oh, yeah, of course, I'll
just wait right here, then.
Okay. (Laughs)
(water splashes)
Skip, (knocks) Skip!
[Skip] I'm committing war crimes in here.
[Fern] But I brought you
something to freshen up your,
oh, no, nothing can freshen that up.
[Skip] I have strong pheromones.
How are you even alive in there?
[Skip] Hey.
Is there a man in your bathroom?
You heard that?
Delivery.
Delivery.
Hey, Fern.
Hey, Chuck, come on in.
I thought you and I were supposed to-
It's not for us.
Skip, (knocks) Skip, your
food's here, buddy, Skip?
(Chuck coughs)
[Skip] Chuck.
Oh, man.
[Skip] You are in my will, man, thanks.
Tip's at the door.
How are you even alive in there?
Have a good night, Fern.
You too, Chuck.
Just.
(Cole clears throat)
So should we get going?
Sure, yeah.
Let's
go.
(door clicks)
[Guitar Player] One, two, three, four.
(slow guitar music)
So tell me about-
Life's too short for small talk.
Okay, what do you consider too small?
Hmm, anything that stays
too snuggly in the comfort zone.
Then let's get uncomfortable.
Do you believe in God?
Absolutely, he's been very good to me.
Hmm, what makes you think God is a man?
Ooh.
Hmm.
Well, if God were a woman,
why would she have created
men to be so dominant
for thousands of years?
Okay, I might have to think on that one,
so maybe we start with a
middle ground topic. (Laughs)
Okay, so somewhere between
"what did you eat for
breakfast" and "is God a woman."
That's probably wise.
Hmm, what do you do for work?
Currently (sighs) unemployed.
Back out of the comfort zone, okay.
It's fine, I quit voluntarily.
And I'm guessing by the
little bit that I know of you,
you burnt the place down on your way out?
I might have if I hadn't
quit over the phone.
Didn't even have the
courage to quit in person.
Hey, go easy.
Any questions about the menu?
Oh, I actually haven't
had a chance to look yet.
Do you like fish?
[Fern] Yeah.
We'll take two stuffed flounder
with rice and mixed veggies, please.
Excellent, a man who knows what he wants.
I'll be back shortly.
[Cole] Thanks.
(slow reggae music)
You totally just ordered for me.
A lot of women tend to
order something pretty cheap,
like a salad or chicken,
and it breaks my heart
to see something like that
happen at a seafood restaurant.
So you date a lot of women.
I've had
a few
awkward first dates.
But not many serious ones ever since, so.
Since?
I'm sorry, I try not to
bring it up on the first date,
but since we're already uncomfortable,
I was married.
Briefly, years ago.
Oh, we are getting deeper.
A divorcee and the unemployed.
(glasses clinking)
Well, I won't dig into that just yet,
but if you're also
unemployed, I'm out of here.
No.
(Cole laughs)
No, (laughs) do you
know those car commercials
where they show just 30
seconds of a truck sliding
through some mud or climbing
up a snow-covered mountain?
Yeah, of course.
Well, that's me, I'm
the stunt driver in those.
Really, that's amazing.
No, (laughs) not really.
But it is my dream job.
Okay, so is that the segue
that leads into your
actual more boring job?
I really never know how people are going
to react when I tell them
that I'm actually a cop.
Well, a cop with a
sense of humor is-is good.
Evolutionary biologists claim
that men are forced to develop a sense
of humor in order to seem attractive.
And women?
Entirely optional.
Okay, I opt to tell you a joke then.
Bracing myself now.
A vegan and a
CrossFitter walk into a bar,
but neither of them can get
a word in because I'm already
in there telling everyone that I'm dying.
Are you serious?
No.
(Cole laughs)
Okay, (sighs) oh, good.
I actually don't tell many people.
You're serious.
(Fern sighs)
I'm sorry, I-I genuinely don't
know where that came from.
I guess I just thought I should be upfront.
(Cole sighs)
You certainly have a
bright future in dark comedy.
(group applauds)
Or not.
Thanks, putting together
material for open mic night.
So how long do you have?
Quite a lot of time, I think.
I don't have a countdown yet.
So you're just living
life like it's no big deal?
Yeah, sort of.
I think that's awesome.
(slow guitar music)
Oh, I love this song.
You want to dance?
No, I don't need a lot
Who are you?
Don't need no big house
and no yacht, yacht, yacht
I can just chill on the beach, yeah
My lady and me
No, I don't need a lot, lot, lot
Don't need
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I can just chill on the beach, yeah
My puppy named King
(Fern sighs)
(phone chirps)
(phone chirps)
(phone chirps)
[Tiffany] How many times
are you gonna use that on me?
Until it stops working.
(Tiffany laughs)
[Tiffany] Right.
Don't you wish everyone was dying?
[Tiffany] Okay, that's
dark, even for you.
(Fern laughs)
I'm serious.
That way everybody could stop being mad
at each other all the time and just talk.
[Tiffany] So is he the one?
Too early to tell,
but it looks promising.
[Tiffany] I thought you were in a hurry.
I know, I just, I.
[Tiffany] Fern? (Slow ominous music)
(Fern stammers)
Fern?
Just, Tiff.
- I-
- What's wrong?
Are you okay?
(Fern groans)
Call the, I'm blacking out.
[Tiffany] Fern, okay,
stay there, I'm on my way.
(Fern sighs)
(slow ominous music continues)
(Fern starts)
Oh.
Well.
Welcome back, Ms-
Fern, Fern is fine.
Okay, Fern.
As far as I can tell, the
blackout had nothing
to do with your illness
in any apparent way.
Any apparent way?
Well, based on what
you've told me so far-
I haven't told you anything.
This isn't the first time you've woken up
and been surprised to see me.
Oh.
I would say that you experienced a sudden
and intense onset of anxiety.
That can't be right,
I felt like I was dying.
Well,
your body thought it was dying,
so it systematically shut down
every physiological function
that isn't critical to survival.
That's terrible.
In simple terms, you had
a debilitating panic attack.
That's it?
That's, well, that's quite serious.
I don't think it had any effect
on your current medical condition,
but this could cause a whole set
of other kinds of problems,
problems I can't fix.
Well, who can fix it?
Well, (sighs) ultimately,
only you can fix it.
You're still bill my
insurance anyway, right?
[Dr. Schwazer] No, I won't.
But I'm sure your psychotherapist will.
Psychotherapist, I'm not psycho.
All right, then, your
analyst or your counselor
or head shrink or
whatever you want to call it.
That's just the proper term.
Is that like how janitors
want to be called custodians?
[Dr. Schwazer] Sure, I guess.
Notice that they don't call
themselves psycho janitors.
I want you to talk to
someone about your anxiety,
or the next time you experience an attack,
it could happen in a place a lot less safe
than in your apartment.
(slow music)
I could call my therapist for you.
I mean, I guess he's not
really my therapist anymore,
but he's pretty good.
Eric asked me if I wanted
to be in a throuple with you guys.
He did not.
I said, of course,
well, we've been friends
for so long, it really only makes sense.
Stop.
We actually made plans
to get away this weekend,
romantic cabin, candlelit
dinners, the whole deal.
He did not say that, did he?
Of course he did.
Perv.
(waves crashing)
He told me he just
wanted to run an idea by me.
Ah, just a passing thought, huh?
His one allotment for the day.
Ladies, you're looking
very beautiful this morning.
Why, thank you,
I actually... Or wait, no, I'm sorry.
Fern, you are looking
very beautiful this morning.
Hey.
I'm sorry, I never really got a,
this whole best friend thing down.
Am I supposed to find her attractive, too?
- No.
- Yes.
[Cole] Got it.
You're delightfully awkward
this morning, what's up?
Well, Tiffany told me that you needed
to relax after your thing.
So I'm here to help.
Tiffany wasn't supposed
to say anything about that.
No, Tiffany told Cole not to tell Fern
that Tiffany told you.
Well, Cole forgot
that Tiffany told Cole not
to say that to Fern, so Fern,
please forgive Tiffany for telling Cole.
Besides, it's not a big deal.
I took off sick today so
we could go skateboarding.
How is taking off work
for me not a big deal?
And how is breaking my head
open skateboarding relaxing?
It's okay, I brought a helmet
so you won't break your head.
So you have a helmet for the rest of me,
because it is all very breakable.
I do not.
Look, I like you, Cole, but I don't know
if I'm at the break my
bones for you level yet.
Yes, you are. (Slow music)
No head up, beat, we got no head up, oh
Do I look stupid in this thing?
Well,
lucky for you, helmets aren't
exactly the IQ test
people might think they are.
But it is a good gauge of cuteness.
Smooth.
Eventually I hope to
be riding alongside of you,
but for now, we're just
gonna take things slow.
The little one is cute.
Yeah, it is.
The bigger the board, the sturdier it is.
You're gonna have a hard
time crashing this boat.
I used to fool around on a friend's board
when I was a kid.
Oh, yeah?
[Fern] Yeah.
(board rattles)
Whoa. (Laughs)
It shows.
Ooh, ooh, whoa, whoa, come back now.
That was a good first try,
but I can't be seen in public
with anybody who pushes mongo.
That sounds insulting.
A little, just push with your back foot.
Not your front.
That's it?
Mongo sounds just fine.
First rule of skateboarding,
looking cool at all costs.
Pushing mongo is the anti-cool.
And yet I'm in this nerdy helmet.
Bleeding all over the
boardwalk is even lamer
than pushing mongo.
Come on, let's see what you got.
(slow reggae music)
Right, right, right
Hey, hey
Right, right, right, oh
(slow reggae music continues)
(slow reggae music continues)
When I see your pretty face
You know it's on sight
Love to get down, eat
some cake, take a bite
Baby girl, you know
how to make me feel nice
Never want to fuss or fight
If you love me right, I love you too
You don't gotta
worry if my love is true
We can spend some
time, girl, if you want to
'Cause there is so many
things that we could do
If you're going to love,
love me right, right, right
We cannot wait 'til the
time feels right, right, right
Pretty girl, by the end of
the night, night, night, night
You can roll with me
(Fern sighs)
You feeling relaxed now?
Yeah, there is something oddly comforting
about fearing for your
life in a totally new way.
Awesome.
You plan on keeping the helmet on,
or you thinking of
falling down these stairs?
No, only if I pass out again.
(Fern sighs)
Are you gonna see Tiffany's guy?
No, I-I already know why I panicked.
Because of your-your future?
Sort of, not because of my sickness,
but because I am,
(Fern sighs)
I panicked because I just went
on one of the most amazing
dates in my entire life.
Honestly, I've never panicked
because of a good thing.
Well, good things have their own finality
and even more uncertainty.
Have you ever seen "Annie Hall"?
Yeah.
Do you know the scene where
Woody Allen tells Diane Keaton
they should get their first kiss out
of the way before
dinner on their first date?
You totally missed that chance.
Well, it's before dinner now.
I guess we could get it out of the way
so we could eat in peace.
(waves crashing)
(waves continue crashing)
(slow reggae music)
Lobster would seem appropriate now.
Maybe after we get
a game of basketball in.
Wind's picking up.
Who do you think I am?
Shouldn't we fly a kite instead?
Oh, no, that's way too easy.
(Fern sighs)
All right, fine.
Let's get this over with.
That's why we're
chilling out, chilling all day
Chilling out, chilling out
Oh, we're not doing one on one.
We're playing Crab.
What's that?
Crab, it's like Horse or Pig,
but we're on the beach,
so Crab, with wind rules.
Wind rules are if you wait for the wind
to die down to make your
shot, then it's only one letter.
But if you shoot with the
wind, that's two letters.
Okay, let's do it, I'm hungry.
All right.
(Fern sighs)
Ladies first, and winner
gets to pick the restaurant.
Loser has to pay for the appetizers,
and loser has to order in the
accent of the winner's choice.
High stakes.
You're up, you've got a good gust now.
Hmm, I see, playing it safe, huh?
[Fern] Hush.
(basketball thunks)
(Cole claps)
Impressive.
Shot a few baskets in my day.
"In my day," what are you,
secretly an 80-year-old man?
Quiet, put it up.
(slow reggae music continues)
(basketball thunks)
Excuse me, no pretty
girls in my line of sight.
It's kind of distracting.
No, pretty girl rules state
that I can stand wherever I want.
All right.
(basketball thunks)
All right, your C, and it's my ball.
Wait, you're supposed to match my shot,
and it's my turn until you miss.
Oh, not with wind rules.
You're making this up as you go.
Okay, I made the shot with the wind,
which means I got two letters
matching yours and upping you.
I concede, okay, I'll
do the stupid accent
if we can just go eat.
Okay, so what do you want for-
Crab dip and calamari.
All right, and accent?
Third Reich.
That is not an accent.
Sure it is, it's German,
but you just yell a lot.
I'm not doing that.
It helps if you pound
the table a few times.
That is childish. (Laughs)
Fine, okay.
Jamaican.
I thought you'd pick
something sexy, like-like French.
Oh, no, (laughs) no.
This is all about humor,
not about sex appeal.
You just want to embarrass me.
All right, fine.
We can do your sexy French accent,
but it had better be incredibly sexy.
Hey, guys, can I start
you with an appetizer?
We will have the crab
dip and the calamari,
s'il vous plat and merci.
Ooh, French or French Canadian?
I am from the south of France-
She's neither, she's
just messing with you.
Well, you had me convinced.
I'll be back with your appetizers in a few.
What did you do that
for, I was convincing.
You quit halfway through our game.
I had no chance.
Bet you won't quit again.
In all fairness, your French
accent was kind of sexy.
Maybe you should just
keep doing it, oui oui.
That's how you-
You are, how you say, idiot.
You start thinking
About the way you
So it's selfless service
and the common good, huh?
I wouldn't have pegged you as an altruist,
at least not in the beginning.
I think a lot of boys grow up wanting
to be superheroes or, I
don't know, saving the world.
That's cute.
But eventually, we figure out
that we can't shoot
lasers out of our eyeballs
and nuclear accidents
don't actually turn you
into a green monster. (Laughs)
Aw.
Some of us figure out
that maybe the closest
thing is a badge and a gun,
but I'm definitely no altruist any more
than I am a superman.
I would hope that all our
public servants are as selfless.
Mm, would you rather somebody come
to your aid who's compelled
by duty or compelled by desire?
Who doesn't want to be desired?
Exactly.
And I think that I'm the kind of guy
who helps out of desire rather than duty.
It's rare to find that
kind of drive in a career.
[Cole] What drove you in your work?
That is a painful question.
We all have our reasons
for taking a job or quitting.
There's no shame in a day's work.
I guess I was driven by hope,
hope that the next job would be better
than the one I was currently doing.
Ambition is good.
Well, ambition only lasts
as long as the future looks bright.
I see.
Oh, no, it wasn't my health
that crushed my hopes. (Laughs)
Actually, it gave me the
courage to pull the plug.
Rather, (sighs) my hopes were misplaced.
How so?
Well, I hoped that I'd
find fulfillment in my career,
but with each promotion,
I just kept making more money for my boss,
and my boss's boss, who
didn't care about me at all.
Hmm, I get that.
(silverware clinking)
(slow reggae music)
Is everything okay?
Yeah, I'm-I'm fine.
If you'll excuse me just a minute,
I need to use the-the ladies room.
Are you sure you're okay?
[Fern] Yeah, I'm okay.
(slow reggae music continues)
(slow reggae music continues)
(waves crashing)
Aren't you gonna come in?
Well, I figured we got
our good night kiss out
of the way earlier, so
I'll probably just go home.
I mean, unless you need
another good night kiss.
I didn't say I needed
another good night kiss.
I wasn't kidding.
Okay, I was kidding. (Laughs)
(waves continue crashing)
That was much better than the first.
Don't make any plans tomorrow.
I have an idea.
You're seriously going home now?
You have to at least make a move
and give me the chance to turn you down,
or else I'm going to bed
feeling quite rejected.
Okay, let's go in your
bedroom, get naked.
Let's do it.
You siren.
I thought all guys needed to,
you know, go for a test drive,
make sure we're compatible
before you drive me off the lot.
Do you have lady parts down there?
Yeah.
Then I'm sure we're compatible.
Well, maybe I need to
take you for a test drive.
I don't have a lot of
time to waste, you know.
Oh, and that's exactly the reason why
we need to do this right.
Plus, I don't want you
thinking I'm in this for one thing.
"In this"?
10 o'clock, tomorrow
morning, eat a good breakfast.
A glass of raw eggs, "Rocky" style?
Breakfast of champions.
Good night.
(waves continue crashing)
(slow guitar music)
(Fern sighs)
[Fern] Ridiculous, he brought flowers
and didn't want to spend
the night, just ridiculous.
And wonderful.
(slow guitar music continues)
(objects clattering)
Skip, Skip, Skip?
Skip, honey, (knocks)
Skip, are you okay in there?
(Skip moans)
Skip, Skip, Skip? (Coughs)
(Skip moans)
Tell me what's going on.
Where am I?
Nearly dead on the bathroom floor.
Okay, cool.
Oh, we gotta get you out of here.
No, I can't go.
Come on, you should go for a walk.
Guys, I'm going offline for a while.
Lucas, if you can hear me,
your mom's dragging me to the bedroom.
Do you ever shut up?
[Skip] You're gonna
have to take over, Fern.
There's no other way, I've worked too hard.
Go to bed.
(headset clatters)
(Fern grunts)
(slow reggae music)
Why do you eat so much delivery? (Grunts)
(slow reggae music continues)
(Fern grunts)
(Fern sighs)
(slow reggae music continues)
(Fern sighs)
(Fern grunts)
(Fern pants)
(Skip thuds)
(Fern grunts)
(slow reggae music continues)
(Fern sighs)
Not how I wanted my night to end. (Sighs)
(door knocks)
Hey, handsome.
Hey, sundress, how you doing?
What are you all dressed up for?
I brought you something.
What's the occasion?
A northeastern swell
with a southwestern breeze.
(waves crashing)
Is that your bathroom mate?
You found one in pink.
Yeah, I figured it'd make
you a little more comfortable
since it's your first time out.
Cute, although if I did
know we were jumping
into the ocean, I wouldn't
have curled my hair.
(Cole imitates picture snapping)
Just taking mental pictures.
Don't want these stunning curls
and iconic sundress to go to waste.
Stunning and iconic?
I can live with that.
Is
he okay?
(Fern sighs)
[Fern] Come on, get up.
We are going to the beach.
Thought it was just gonna
be us going to the beach.
He nearly died last night.
He could use some fresh air and sunshine.
Or a hospital.
What am I doing out here?
I'm losing time.
Your time is going to
expire unless you get up,
get out, and go get some
vitamin D, and you know what?
If you don't go to the beach with us,
you are hereby evicted immediately
with full loss of property,
is this stuck to you?
[Skip] You can't do that.
I don't think he wants to come with.
I never had the legal right
to rent out my half-bath
in the first place,
so I don't think you're gonna
have much legal recourse.
Come on, and please
(coughs) go take a shower.
You smell like you were just removed
from the anus of a beached whale. (Coughs)
That's the smell of success.
(traffic rumbles)
Did you take the roof
and the doors off in winter?
It's always summer in a wetsuit.
That's just not true.
Eh, the sun's out.
You'll be fine.
Plus I put a new clean
seat cover on for you.
Is your jeep a pirate?
Definitely.
(Fern laughs)
Sorry, man, I didn't know you were coming,
but this backseat doesn't
have too many stains.
Oh, it's okay, dirt don't scare me.
(traffic rumbles)
(traffic continues rumbling)
(car beeps)
(car engine revs)
Your car smells weird.
Yeah.
It does.
(slow reggae music)
(slow reggae music continues)
Hey, hey
Oh
Oh, oh, oh
Mm-hmm
Yeah
Gotta move on sometimes
Please let me live, let me live
'Cause I could take back the damage
That I did, that I did
Why do you keep reminding me
Of the person that I don't want to be
Come on, little buddy, we're here.
Double kill.
Oh, give it a rest, you're
in the real world now.
Get out and experience it.
How far did we go?
(Fern sighs)
Stop acting like you've
never been outside before.
I haven't been to the
beach since I was a kid, I don't
even know what to do
out... Your assignment is
to get your feet wet past your ankles,
go find 15 uniquely beautiful seashells
and 25 fascinating rocks,
and build a sandcastle no smaller
than five square feet with
your newfound treasures.
Okay.
While we surf and
probably make out a little,
in which case you will
face the other direction.
(slow reggae music continues)
Let me carry it this time?
There you go. (Laughs)
(Fern laughs)
Come on, Skippy.
(waves crashing)
Come on, let's get wet.
These suits are made
to keep you warm in the-
Can I just ease my way into it?
Commit.
(waves continue crashing)
(Fern cries out)
Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no.
Too cold, too cold, too cold, too cold.
(waves continue crashing)
It's so freezing.
I bet you're pretty glad
I didn't let you do
sundress surfing now, huh?
Ha, ha.
You know, these suits are
meant to keep you nice and warm.
Listen, I let you take me skateboarding
and-and basket balling,
but I have to draw
the line at arctic sports.
Arctic?
All right, that's fine.
So what would you rather do,
go for a long romantic
walk on the beach, or?
Mm-hmm.
Huh.
Okay.
That's fine.
You know, I can't go to
libraries or bookstores anymore.
Why not?
(Fern sighs)
I see the thousands of books
on the sea of shelves and I panic,
knowing that I can't finish
them all in my lifetime.
Nobody's lifetime is long enough
to finish all the books on Earth.
Yeah, when I was growing up,
every year my parents
would take us to the beach,
and I loved to just lay in
the sand and read all day.
It was almost as much
fun picking out the book
as it was reading it.
I would always make sure to
finish my book no matter what,
even if it meant that my toes didn't touch
the water the last day of vacation.
Nerd.
(Fern laughs)
But when I moved into the hotel,
I didn't bring a single one.
So you gave up reading books just
because you're afraid of not finishing one?
Well, I guess it's kind of like why
I panicked on our first date.
You don't finish relationships
like you finish a book.
I know, but it's,
it's harder to enjoy when you
know you're close to the end.
I see.
You okay?
Yeah. (Background
noise drowns out speaker)
You keep saying you're okay,
but I believe you less this time.
I guess I have to be okay, you know?
This is me now.
All right.
(waves continue crashing)
Think you can make it to
those dunes over there?
I'll go put some towels down
and we can watch the waves from there.
(background noise drowns out speaker)
(waves continue crashing)
You've enjoyed our time together, right?
(Fern laughs)
Of course, it's been wonderful.
Just wonderful?
Is wonderful not good enough?
I mean, I'm gonna need a
little more than just wonderful
after this epic week, and
if we're bringing Skippy along.
(Fern laughs)
(Fern sighs)
Honestly, all our time
we've spent together has
been the best I've ever had.
Perfection.
Hmm.
Well, I'm relieved to hear
you say that, but I disagree.
It's not perfect yet.
No?
You see that conch
shell right behind you?
(waves continue crashing)
Look underneath.
I wouldn't ask if you were
a conventional woman.
But I don't think I've ever felt any kind
of love like this, maybe ever.
I want to spend the rest of our time,
as much as we have, together.
Sundress, I love you.
Will you marry me?
Cole, I-I love you, but,
but-
No, no but, this is a
ring in a conch shell.
Have you been talking to Tiffany?
Tiffany?
I didn't know I needed her permission.
She told you that I wanted to get married
before I died, didn't she?
I didn't talk to Tiffany.
Well,
well, why else would you ask me so soon?
I rushed into my first marriage, too.
It was great at first.
But we really struggled
to combine our lives.
We fought a lot and we ended up divorcing
before our first anniversary
That's comforting.
It hurt a lot, but after that,
I thought that I needed to take it slow,
but I watched so many
couples living together
for years with the same problems,
and they divorced anyway.
So if we're all doomed,
why not just rush in.
Not exactly.
My wife and I never
worked our problems out.
We just gave up, and after
our divorce, she joked, (laughs)
She joked it was just a practice marriage,
that we'd get it right on the next one.
But I haven't had my practice yet.
We don't need practice,
just commitment, it's
like jumping in the water.
You just stay there until it works out.
Cole, (laughs) and my
impulse is to shout yes
and jump into your arms-
Be impulsive, I love your impulsiveness.
If I say yes,
I bring you into so
much pain, and I, (cries)
I can't do that.
I'm sorry.
Please take me home.
(waves continue crashing)
(waves continue crashing)
There's only so much time
We cannot forget about God and love
And though I'll never understand it
We all come from the same place
The one who made you,
same one who made me
The one who made the
sky and the stars and the sea
But you know religions just separate us
It's why we need to
- Pull over.
Pull over right now!
Always be humble and kind
Don't let the hatred consume your mind
Even though it can be hard to find
All the love just deep inside
Mrs. Kellogg?
Though we're living in some crazy times
In all the darkness,
you can be the light
Focus on living the life
And always be humble and kind
And I dumped Eric.
That's the only good
thing I've heard today. (Cries)
(Fern cries)
(footsteps shuffling)
(machinery whirring)
(gurney rattles)
(ambulance doors slamming)
She told me not to grow up to be like her.
You know she was divorced
three times and still died alone?
I don't think three divorces
are in your future, my love.
No, but I'm already grown up and alone.
Hey, we're always growing
up and you could have Cole,
if you say yes.
I have no right to put him through hell,
for him to watch me slowly fade.
Okay, I'm sure he thought of that
before asking you to marry him,
and now he'll just be alone
too if you abandon him.
I was always going to abandon him.
(Skip sighs)
I thought I'd leave you
before you left me, roomie.
I'll miss you.
I'm sure we'll be
seeing more of each other,
especially if you let
me date your best friend.
Wow, Skip, coming in hot
with some serious confidence.
I've never lacked confidence.
Well, you totally have my permission.
Wait, what?
What do you say, Tiffany?
You want to take this solo game
to multiplayer, coop, duos?
Those words mean nothing to me.
I want to take you to dinner,
seafood, steak, you name it.
I don't know.
What's a little dinner?
All right, as long as
you don't mind just being a rebound date.
Cool, I'll get your number from Fern.
We'll set it up.
(door clicks)
Did he already find a place?
He has a place, actually,
a really nice house in town.
He was just out here
so his friends and family
wouldn't bother him.
Huh, never would have guessed.
(truck beeps)
(Fern sighs)
(Fern sighs)
(truck continues beeping)
(Fern sighs)
(door clicks)
(waves crashing)
(traffic rumbles)
(traffic continues rumbling)
(slow guitar music)
(Fern sighs)
(slow guitar music continues)
(Fern sighs)
(slow guitar music continues)
Just talk with
and then make a further
appointment with Sarah.
(Dr. Schwazer speaking softly)
You may experience some dry mouth.
You may experience some. (Speaking softly)
(slow guitar music continues)
(dish clinking)
Can I get you anything else, miss?
Miss?
No, thanks.
Actually, there was an older woman
who would come in every day
and order the chocolate pancakes.
Do you remember her?
Oh, yeah, I remember her.
(Fern laughs)
You do?
Of course, sweet lady,
and a very good tipper.
(Fern laughs)
Did she go home?
Yeah, yeah, she did.
I'm gonna miss her.
She was becoming part of my routine.
(silverware clinking)
(chair creaks)
I didn't think you'd.
(silverware clinking)
I'm really glad you came.
Tiffany told me if I didn't,
that I'd be in big trouble.
You been talking to Tiffany?
Won't make a habit of it.
My-my,
my parents were amazing
people, I mean, good at everything,
and after they died,
I wanted to continue their legacy,
to prove my worth to
the world, I guess. (Sighs)
So I crashed the white collar
scene and made my mark,
but the problem is, that
mark is probably erased now
that I quit my job.
Maybe.
And I've been-been journaling,
trying to leave something worthwhile,
but I don't know who would read that,
you know, besides Tiffany-
Fern, you're too hard on yourself.
Let me finish.
I still want to leave a mark.
I just want to make
sure that it's the right one
and not some-some horrible scar.
Fern.
Who could possibly be scarring-
You're way too sweet
and optimistic about me.
(slow music)
Will you go for one last drive with me?
(Fern sniffs)
I'm not sure I'm used to the smell yet.
(Cole laughs)
It'll grow on you.
(waves crashing)
Well played, sir, I see
the pirate's potential now.
Potential?
I like that word. (Laughs)
(waves continue crashing)
This is gonna be a good memory;
The kind you wish won't end?
It won't.
I'm going to end,
Cole, we can't fix that.
But memories don't end.
I've made more with you
worth holding onto than,
well, than ever before in my life.
You're just infatuated, I
mean, you barely know me.
(Cole sighs)
Do you remember the scene
from "When Harry Met Sally,"
and how they interviewed
those married couples
who had been together for decades?
You watch way too many girly movies.
My favorite is the arranged marriage
that they interviewed,
where the husband spied on
the wife before they got married
to see if she was pretty.
It's cute, if a bit shallow.
I would have thought so too,
if they hadn't have been
happily married for many years.
It's 'cause she was pretty.
No.
It's 'cause she wasn't pretty.
That's not why they stayed.
(Fern sighs)
Because they committed.
I know that it's sudden,
but I'm done procrastinating my happiness.
It's going to be full of suffering.
It's not possible.
I-I can't let you do that
'cause it will, it... Fern, I'm gonna
have to be a glass half-empty on this one
because I know that it's
gonna be half-full of suffering,
okay, I know that.
But the other half,
the other half is gonna be
full of strawberry lemonade.
(waves continue crashing)
And you'll drive me here every day?
Every day.
Well, maybe some days we can stay in.
You're the boss.
Okay, but there's gotta be
some sort of latency period,
right, because or else it's just weird.
Well, naturally there's going
to have to be some sort of planning,
and I probably am gonna
need to learn a few things
about you, such as your real name.
Well, I don't know, I
might be ready for marriage,
but I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.
Get over here. (Fern laughs)
Sink or swim
I will rise above you
Bright lights and
It's Ashleigh, isn't
it, with the L-I-E-G-I-H,
or whatever it is?
You're impossible.
It's a hyphenated name, is it, it's not,
- Kara-Lynn, Kara-Lynn.
- No, no.
Sarah Lynn.
No, you're not gonna get it.
Jackie? (Sighs)
I'm gonna, I'm gonna guess it.
(slow reggae music)
(slow reggae music continues)
(slow reggae music continues)
(slow reggae music)
[Fern] Dear journal,
we did wait a responsible amount of time,
about two weeks, 10 days, to be exact.
We kept the planning pretty low key,
and the availability of
the venue was wide open.
(slow reggae music continues)
I'll have to fill you in on Skip and Tiff
in the pages to come, but
I've got a pretty good feeling.
We can take this long winding road
See the views
Soak up the sun
When it's over, we'll
have had our fun, yeah
It's all right
I'm right here
It's okay
You don't have to fear
The way you love me
I can tell that it's real
So don't you worry
I ain't going nowhere
I'm right here
I'm right here
The past can launch you, the future's
[Fern] And yes, I wore a sundress.
We'll be all right, just
gotta keep the faith
Please remember this one last thing
There's always growth
after the rain, yeah
It's all right
I'm right here
It's okay
You don't have to fear
(slow reggae music)
(slow reggae music continues)
(slow reggae music continues)
(slow reggae music continues)
(slow reggae music continues)
(slow reggae music continues)
(slow reggae music continues)
Swimming in the deep, deep water
Try to navigate
Throw myself in the fire
Come out unscathed
Surrounded by a den of wolves
But I don't need their praise
You know no weapon formed
Will prosper today
And I say
Why must they hate
With so much disdain
Life ain't no game
Can't remain the same, oh, no
Swimming in the deep, deep water
Gotta navigate
Throw myself in the fire
Come out unscathed
Surrounded by a den of wolves
But I don't need their praise
You know no weapon formed
Will prosper today
And I say I love you
Why you want me to fall
Gave so much
You took it all
It gets so hard to understand
But I still stand tall
You made me part of who I am
So it's all thanks to y'all