Bong of the Dead (2011) Movie Script
People who eat each other? / i
Zombies, how old do they think we are? / i
What next? / i
idea of ??running zombies / i
around and eat each other ... / i
I do not believe it. / i
You can not make me believe it. / i
Trust me. It will soon be over. / I
Trust me. / i
PEOPLE eat each other!
GOVERNMENT CREATES
RISK ZONES
KEEP UP WITH killing zombies
What the hell is that,
I face?
I am so skewed,
I can not feel my legs.
- What?
- That's right.
Give me it.
This is strong stuff.
How did you do it?
Let me demonstrate.
Tommy, look at this.
Do you remember that guy that we
caught a couple of months ago?
He was a third death.
With worms and everything in the face.
- Yes, damn, Jimmy the Greek.
- What then?
Have you must him to green sauce
and stuffed him into a fucking glass?
It's a little more
scientific than that.
First I took his brain
and dried it.
So I painted it to powder
and added a little H 2 O -
- And Simsalabim, green sauce,
as you call it.
And then I stuffed him
into the tube. Cool, huh?
What the fuck!
If you become so skewed
of smoking it ...
How's it going so if you drink
It? It is like drinking bong-water.
How skewed will you be?
- Are you saying that you drink bongvandet?
- Just as warped as I can be.
So it's not so strange,
I always fill up with more water.
Demeans it, without trying
it. I am proof that it works.
- It is not for us to drink it.
- What will you use it for?
Shut up when I'm talking.
Let me show you.
See here.
First you plant the seed ...
... And water it with your regular ...
... Tap water.
Want a sip?
So ... Are you ready?
Come on.
Green sauce.
- I can not see anything.
- Just wait a little.
Wait just a minute.
Wait just a minute.
- To hell then.
- That's right.
Do you know what this means?
This means that you have invented ...
... Some kind of fucked-up
Zombie fertilizer ...
... To breed monster grass.
- That's right.
How much do we have left?
- Not much.
- How much is it?
It was the last.
- What does it mean?
- That we do not have more.
Why did you show me it?
I do not know.
I just thought that it was too wild.
How often do we see a marijuana plant
emerge in a few seconds.
It happens once in a lifetime.
We still have
grass enough for a whole month.
Afterwards, the other plants ready.
We just have to steer us a little.
Cutting down on the daily consumption.
We solve it. That is exactly what
I was talking about.
We need to roll some smaller joints.
Fuck you!
Satan!
No, no, no.
- For into the hollow hell then.
- We only have that back.
We must have smoked it
without having discovered it!
I told you
that we should steer us.
Wait. We still have ...
... The last plant.
No, we have not. See.
What the hell.
Wait ... I have an idea.
I made it by wiping
a single carnivorous pig brain.
Imagine what I can do,
if we have more.
Do you remember when the army was here?
They gave us a map of the
zombie-free zones?
The blue areas are zombie-free zones.
On the other hand ...
In the red areas abound
still with zombies.
We are here. By car
the nearest area ...
... There.
Risk Zone?
We can die.
Yes, and we also die
if we do not obtain any grass.
When do we leave?
I'm just fucking. We meet here
about 20 minutes. So off we go.
- Shotgun!
- Come on. We are only two.
- Dude.
- Jump into.
- On. / I
- Now it's your turn. / I
- Hell, Tommy.
- What?
Fuck!
I thought you were a zombie.
- You must have shit your pants.
- Fuck you.
- I almost got heart attack.
- You should have seen yourself.
What the fuck.
You little idiot.
Asshole.
If you fuck with me again ...
What the fuck ...
Come on!
It is all the
bong water you have drunk.
For fuck's sake!
I'll distract him while you
ran to the car and get some ...
... To kill him. One, two ...
Shit, keys!
- What the hell are you doing?
- I lost the keys.
Move, move, move.
Move the foot.
He is in my hand. Get him away.
Come on.
I can not hold him forever.
Hurry!
Sorry.
The unnatural
The first number.
Absolutely incredible.
What is it that you face?
Is it a good cartoon?
You never told your best friend,
you have the first number.
Do you know that it was printed in 1963
and cost 10 cents.
I could buy 50 of them if it was!
Yes, I know.
And now it's $ 40,000 worth.
It is in good condition, no marks. The
increase well automatically value l5%.
I also have "Super Chimp" 1-9.
The one where he reconciled with
his evil twin? That's not true!
What the fuck?
Sitting In good?
It seems that I met one of my
men and smashed shell at him.
Shame on you.
Be careful, you idiot.
Let's get down to business.
Which one of you idiots
should take his place?
Wake up now, damn it!
There must have been a misunderstanding.
We were heading towards Freedom Town,
as a fucking disgusting zombie -
- Decided to attack us.
We are survivors just like you.
That's it!
God, my brain hurts.
I assume that you are too stupid to
to recognize me on my voice ...
- Oh, my god.
- What's going on?
Surprised?
You may have just never
seen someone like me talk before.
Well, let me explain.
I, Alex Montgomery Dickens III ...
... Have decided to go
to retaliate against the living ...
... For the torture, death and torture
I have caused me and mine.
I will gather an army.
An army of the undead.
Let your eyes enjoy the sight of my army.
You call that an army?
Grandpa over there puts a
undead shit in his pants.
There is a farm without eyes.
How does he know where he should go?
You, Mr Rotten have no fucking army.
You can not even keep order in your
socks! How would you manage an army?
My buddy says you ...
... Paired with servant without eyes,
and that you're his bitch.
Have you gone mad?
- Look, Mr
My partner is a chronic hashoman.
His brain has obviously been damaged.
- That I never said that.
- So do not you?
Shut up! Shut up, both of you.
Kill them both,
but do not destroy brains.
I'm trying to recruit people,
and even the two flap hats can be used.
No, what are you doing?
Not me, you idiot!
It was damn!
It's time to move on.
- I could not agree more.
- Help me with chains.
It was pretty wild.
Thank you for saving us.
- How did you do it?
- What are you talking about?
You teased him until
his brain exploded.
It was not meant to be.
I tried to get him to beat you
to death. Once you became a zombie -
- Would have saved me
and killed him.
The plan worked until him the
blind gave short shrift.
- Was that your plan?
- Yes, as simple as possible.
What was your role in it?
It was my idea.
Are you coming or what?
Hello?
- Are there any?
- The pump works.
So fill up the tank.
- Look at all these things.
- Is there anything good in a while?
I find that out.
Push.
I would not make it there,
if I were you.
- Relax, it's okay.
- No, it is not.
It's okay.
- Take it easy.
- Shut up and get your hands up.
- Oh shit, you sound just like ...
- Shut up.
It's okay. We come in peace.
Do not worry, mate. We come in peace.
We are survivors, just like you.
Add the weapon, so we can talk
about it like civilized ...
- What the hell! Take it easy!
- What are you doing here?
- We are on the way to ...
- Freedom Town ...
... To find the other survivors.
We heard about it on the radio,
and then we would just check it out.
Will not you quit.
Make sure that he shut up.
- Come on, shut up.
- Enough is enough.
You make me laugh.
Let me go.
- You're a really hot chick.
- Excuse me?
It is she then. Look at her.
Do you want the "hot"? Maybe I should
poke it here so far up your ass ...
... You'll shit hail rest of their lives.
Is not "hot"?
Not at all.
It sounds extremely painful.
I ask the question again.
What are you doing here and why do you think
that you can steal my gas?
Listen, lady.
We have traveled a long distance.
We were also taken hostage by
an old, crazy zombie -
- Who had an army,
so that he could conquer the world.
- But the army consisted of three guys.
- It was actually four.
- Fire?
- I killed him there outside.
- There splattered blood all over the place ...
- And I was put in chains ...
That's it!
I'm sorry I asked.
- What are you and messing with here?
- None of your business.
Jump into your bucket and get out,
before I make you into zombies.
It's okay. I'm leaving. We're out.
Remember the fresh guy.
We must further. That Girl has completely
Clearly vaginal problems.
- I have vaginal problems.
- Shut up.
Fuck!
- What's wrong?
- It will not start.
Come on, you old bucket.
Damn it.
Open the hood.
- You will be there.
- Okay. For crying out loud.
Madman.
I'm in love with chick.
She's a peach.
Can not you shut up!
You almost got me killed again.
Back this and shut up.
More smoke, less talk.
Maybe it's the first time / i
you hear me ... / i
I say it is again, as I / i
've said it a hundred times before ... / i
I'm Mik and I speak on behalf of / i
other survivors in Freedom Town. / i
We are a society in. .. / i
It is secluded at / i
New Mexico in Rosewell. / i
We are trying to reach everyone out there, / i
who can understand us ... / i
... who will be with ... / i
if only you are not redhead. / i
I'm sorry but redheads / i
can not be with. / i
But if you have a vehicle ... / i
- Here's the problem.
- Why is it always me?
I will probably not running any
places in the old bucket today.
Really ... I'm really worried.
The problem is not it,
you hold in your hand.
It's not the only problem.
The engine is dead.
Fuck!
Gun, what do we do now?
It can not be true!
Look at this place!
This is ...
It can not be. It works.
Beware! Do not touch my stuff.
I mean it. I have a couple of days,
and then you must take on.
I can not afford to house a few
vagrants. Do not feel for the home.
Okay, that's fine. We're leaving so
Once the car is repaired.
We promise. - Or what?
- What are you doing? I won after all.
- No, you did not.
Listen! We proceed as follows.
I sleep on the couch. Sleeping bags
Located in the closet by the stairs.
I sleep upstairs. It is prohibited
area, have no good ideas.
If I hear so much as a footstep,
I shoot head of you.
Is that clear?
I love it here ...
- It's great, I said.
Well, it meant I will.
The toilet is in the back.
There is no running water.
However, there are a flashlight.
Use it, for there
is no electricity out there.
The generator is turned off every night
to save fuel.
The meter should be checked
every four hours.
If there is not enough fuel ...
... So you know well already,
where you can find it?
Questions?
- What is it?
- What is your name?
Leah. Leah Kroaker.
Leah ... I like it.
I'm Tommy and this is Edwin.
Nice to meet you, Leah Kroaker.
Yes, if you say so.
I can still see you.
- What the hell are you doing?
- I could not sleep?
Okay, and so you meant that you had to go
crazy in my bar. In addition, half-naked.
It is not,
what it seems to be.
Why have you
an open bottle in your hand?
Do you remember that you said that
no running water.
I've already drunk ...
emptied my bong water.
So I thought,
that vodka would work.
So I stuffed vodka in it.
I thought,
I could hold my own party.
- In smoking shown some grass?
- Do not you know?
Forget I asked.
- Does it work?
- I have not tried yet.
Would you turn it on?
Here you go.
- How do I?
- Start by turning it over.
It looks a bit like a black cock ...
Excuse me.
You hold it like this, and then take
we have a little of this heavenly plant.
We thank the ground. We stop the
in this and take the lighter.
Ready? Sucked in now.
Can you hear bubble sounds?
Sucked in. Keep going.
And ... breathe out.
What a bonfire. Come on.
I can not feel anything.
This is it ...
Wow, that's ...
- How does it feel?
- My eyes watering.
It is as if one is crying of joy.
Check it here.
It's like summer in the backyard.
Now we bumped into each other.
- Here you go. Kraniebongen.
- Okay, so we party.
He should be crowned.
There goes no oxygen inside.
Hey, there she fell.
- Who wants shots?
- You are insane.
First you shoot the heads off,
and now you want to drink with us.
- Would you like something or not?
- Yes, I want some.
When the meteor struck,
we had no idea what was going on.
They appeared out of nowhere.
First thought we would
go down in the course of a few days.
Writing papers,
that everything was under control.
Since then they stopped
to write something.
What once was the sound of
playing children, was now just a memory.
The eerie sound of silence had
never been so deafening.
TV channels stopped sending.
The radio was silent.
Suddenly everything was quiet.
Then came the beings up.
People ate each other like wild animals ...
in the street.
When the screams stopped, the only thing
that was left, the stench of death.
It was not long,
before the infection hit us.
It started with my parents.
Father was the first to be infected.
I actually do not know
how it happened.
Then it was my mother's turn ...
... And my little sister.
I found her sitting
in a corner of the garage.
She was only eleven years.
I was ready when they came after me.
I took care of them all.
Are you okay?
Yes.
I'm just tired.
See you tomorrow.
You should also get some sleep.
We have lots of work ahead of us,
if you want to Freedom Town.
- This sucks.
- Think that she killed her own family.
It's not that.
We have no more weed.
You're an idiot. We'll fix it soon.
Now get some sleep.
Should I spooning all day,
or do you stand up and help?
Get some clothes on and meet me in
workshop in five minutes.
Now!
- Have you mastered it?
- No, the generator has been passed.
I probably have one lying somewhere.
- It's too wild.
- What are you doing?
- Be careful with it.
- I destroy it.
Become nearby
so I can keep an eye on you.
- Do we agree? I mean it.
- I will.
He gets himself killed.
Become nearby!
I keep it runnning out more.
I'm sorry. Tommy can be
a bit of a spaz sometimes.
The guy is Canadian.
How did you meet?
We shared apartment. I lived there,
and he came by to buy grass.
- Okay, so now you're also pusher.
- No, not that way.
I bred some plants for myself.
A few dozen plants here and there.
I had rigged a place in the apartment,
where I could experiment.
Once bred, I am a hybrid of -
- Peach, apricot, plum and cherry.
I called it a fruit cocktail.
It was a heady mixture of
flavors. Very soft ...
It was good stuff.
So I planted some hemp.
The rumor was quickly dispersed.
All would have suffered.
One day Tommy knocked on the door,
and would buy a bag.
I said of course not.
I was not the pusher.
But the guy is good at trouble.
So ... I gave myself.
He began to buy, borrow and beg.
He came over every other day.
After the disaster ...
I guess he had nothing
other place to go.
He came by one day
and was stuck.
We've been best friends ever since.
How can you be
so judgmental?
- One does not become stupid of marijuana.
- Quiet, listen.
Are there any other survivors out there?
Do you hear me? If you have survived -
- Because you are smart enough to cope
meeting with a flesh-eating zombie -
- I will meet you.
In particular, if you have a vehicle
or if you have gasoline.
I am willing to swap ...
for food and shelter ...
They keep. We must do something. I
do not know if we are safe here anymore.
We are in the middle of nowhere.
There is then no chance that we
not safe here, or what?
- Tommy!
- Wait!
Oh, god.
What's wrong with you?
I told you to stay nearby.
What are you doing here?
- What is this all about?
- None of your business.
- It's a shower.
- What?
- It's a fucking shower.
- Shut up.
- This is my shower. And you blew it.
- Me? You blew the head off.
Will someone explain what is going on?
Why is there a zombie
tied to a treadmill?
What the hell!
You're a totally twisted slut.
It is now pretty cool.
Cool or not.
It tried to eat me.
- Nonsense, it would Max never do.
- Yes, he tried to eat me.
As he tried to eat you
this morning when you bathe.
- What?
- I'd better move on.
No, you're not going anywhere.
What did you say?
- Nothing. I said nothing.
- Your pervert.
You were spying on me,
while I was in the shower.
- Technically speaking ...
- Spying on her?
No, Edwin ...
Okay, so. I followed her.
You know how curious I am.
I did not know
she would get naked ...
... And flash the teats of a zombie
that tried to eat her.
For the last time.
Max tried not to eat any.
I hope you got sight of this case -
- The next time you see
so anyone here ... you are dead.
- Did you see her tits?
- Yes, they were wild.
Lucky devil.
Look, Leah ...
We are really sorry about Max.
I do not need your
excuses. I will be at peace.
Okay.
- It was too sick.
- It was too fucked-up.
We have plenty to see, so get
fingers out of your ass and come with me.
My father's truck. I would run away
in it if it became necessary.
Now that Max is dead ... again, there
not something that holds me back.
I have all the parts.
We just need to screw them together.
Then we can take the Freedom Town.
Nothing can stop us.
What is it?
You ... there is something ...
... We should tell.
- You have to promise that you will not be mad.
- Okay, I promise.
We were actually not
on the way to Freedom Town.
Where were you then going?
- Another place.
- I understood. Where?
- For risk.
- What?
For risk.
Sorry? Do you think that I was on
way directly into the core of the problem?
- There, where they dump all the zombies?
- Yep.
Why is that?
I told you that I experimented
with different types of grass.
One day I took the brain from a
dead zombie, a Greek.
He had a restaurant nearby.
- Very good food.
- Amazing dolmere ... of olive leaves.
That was how they made them.
Now we diverged from the topic.
I made brain substance
on the fertilizers.
- It was a green liquid.
- The green sauce.
We poured it over the seeds,
and they grew like hell.
Yes, dammit.
You are so good at it.
Well, we realized that there
were no more zombies.
- The government has cleaned all the cities.
- The area is drained.
We have not seen any long. Then I got
we have the idea to buy us a map -
- And drive right into the danger zone
and provide us with a bunch of zombies -
- Return and
be guaranteed access to the weed.
Wait a minute. I, two cooking heads, went
out to collect zombie brains -
- So I could take them home
and turn them into fertilizer?
So you could breed hemp?
Yes, the harder it was not.
I assume that I must
modify my design slightly.
If it is zombie fertilizer,
I want, it's what you should get.
I assume
that we need to risk.
Just check it! How wild. Give me five.
Idiot.
Double-five?
- Jump in!
- Shotgun!
- The shotgun was right angle.
- Nar.
- Hello ...
- Yes, yes.
- Hands off, otherwise ...
- Relax. I was just looking.
- Enough look but do not touch.
- You sound like my mother.
- I mean it.
- I would just turn on the radio.
I'll do it.
All attempts to find survivors - / i
- has failed. / i
Come and help me. Government / i
has left us to ourselves. / i
is no hope of survival. / i
- What does it mean?
- That we only have each other.
- Jeez, do something!
- I'm trying. Stop screaming.
- One of us must go there.
- I is not growing out. There are better here.
He may disappear by itself.
Shoot!
- Fuck, I go there.
- What the hell are you doing?
Taste it here, pussy face!
Fuck you!
You bastard. You just have to die!
- Are you okay?
- I think so.
They just popped up.
There may be many more of them.
They come to eat us.
We must get away from here.
- Folks ... Folks!
- What is it?
See!
- Good heavens!
- For fuck's sake!
For hell.
There is good enough many of them.
- Where did they suddenly come from?
- It is as if they have been waiting for us.
Have you noticed something weird?
Yes, Chinaman eats up a
brain with chopsticks.
Holy shit.
Not so. They attack us.
They do not even try.
It seems as if,
they are waiting for something.
Apart from lebberne over there.
It might not be so bad after all.
Okay, it is not arousing.
Bravo, bravo.
- This is the power mad bastard.
- Do you think that you know that?
He took us hostage
and tried to kill us.
He put dead things
up on our ass.
Not on me.
What do you think of my new equipment?
Now be honest. Do I look fat?
I know that it's a bit too much.
However, it was inexpensive.
Speaking of cheap.
Who is the chick?
I would not mind
To put teeth into her.
What do you say, baby?
Do you have a taste?
- Drop dead, asshole.
- I'm already taxes.
Do not misunderstand me. Death was fun,
but it is quite overrated.
And life ...
Yes, life sucks for the most part.
I like to find
me somewhere in between.
That's why my little friends that I
has returned to kick ass.
I took your advice and recruited
some more - with eyes this time.
What should we do?
We will not get past all of them.
There is only one thing to do.
We have to show him who's boss.
Where are they going? Do not stand there like
a bunch of deadbeats. Catch them.
Hold on.
What was it?
I do not know.
I think it is stalled.
It's no use. A must see what
happened, while the other keeps watch.
Rock, paper, scissors?
A ... It is of three or after three?
- One, two, three ...
- Leah!
Where is she going?
Where's he going?
He is under the rear wheel!
Hurry up. I can not
hold them off much longer.
Tommy, come here, you coward!
- Come on, come on!
- Tommy, now!
No, I will not!
Come on, dammit!
Yeah, what the hell.
Hurry the fuck up!
Out of the way!
Come on!
No!
Take it easy. He had red hair.
Your stupid, ridiculous, bitch!
- Hello.
- Hello.
- What time is it?
- It is time to stand up.
I need a shower.
Do you want to?
- Easy, cowboy. I'm dirty.
- I like that.
Calm down.
Come on. Relax.
A fool's GUIDE
BUILD A CYBORG
From now on
are you working for me.
Alex Montgomery III works
not for any man.
Here I come.
Zombies, how old do they think we are? / i
What next? / i
idea of ??running zombies / i
around and eat each other ... / i
I do not believe it. / i
You can not make me believe it. / i
Trust me. It will soon be over. / I
Trust me. / i
PEOPLE eat each other!
GOVERNMENT CREATES
RISK ZONES
KEEP UP WITH killing zombies
What the hell is that,
I face?
I am so skewed,
I can not feel my legs.
- What?
- That's right.
Give me it.
This is strong stuff.
How did you do it?
Let me demonstrate.
Tommy, look at this.
Do you remember that guy that we
caught a couple of months ago?
He was a third death.
With worms and everything in the face.
- Yes, damn, Jimmy the Greek.
- What then?
Have you must him to green sauce
and stuffed him into a fucking glass?
It's a little more
scientific than that.
First I took his brain
and dried it.
So I painted it to powder
and added a little H 2 O -
- And Simsalabim, green sauce,
as you call it.
And then I stuffed him
into the tube. Cool, huh?
What the fuck!
If you become so skewed
of smoking it ...
How's it going so if you drink
It? It is like drinking bong-water.
How skewed will you be?
- Are you saying that you drink bongvandet?
- Just as warped as I can be.
So it's not so strange,
I always fill up with more water.
Demeans it, without trying
it. I am proof that it works.
- It is not for us to drink it.
- What will you use it for?
Shut up when I'm talking.
Let me show you.
See here.
First you plant the seed ...
... And water it with your regular ...
... Tap water.
Want a sip?
So ... Are you ready?
Come on.
Green sauce.
- I can not see anything.
- Just wait a little.
Wait just a minute.
Wait just a minute.
- To hell then.
- That's right.
Do you know what this means?
This means that you have invented ...
... Some kind of fucked-up
Zombie fertilizer ...
... To breed monster grass.
- That's right.
How much do we have left?
- Not much.
- How much is it?
It was the last.
- What does it mean?
- That we do not have more.
Why did you show me it?
I do not know.
I just thought that it was too wild.
How often do we see a marijuana plant
emerge in a few seconds.
It happens once in a lifetime.
We still have
grass enough for a whole month.
Afterwards, the other plants ready.
We just have to steer us a little.
Cutting down on the daily consumption.
We solve it. That is exactly what
I was talking about.
We need to roll some smaller joints.
Fuck you!
Satan!
No, no, no.
- For into the hollow hell then.
- We only have that back.
We must have smoked it
without having discovered it!
I told you
that we should steer us.
Wait. We still have ...
... The last plant.
No, we have not. See.
What the hell.
Wait ... I have an idea.
I made it by wiping
a single carnivorous pig brain.
Imagine what I can do,
if we have more.
Do you remember when the army was here?
They gave us a map of the
zombie-free zones?
The blue areas are zombie-free zones.
On the other hand ...
In the red areas abound
still with zombies.
We are here. By car
the nearest area ...
... There.
Risk Zone?
We can die.
Yes, and we also die
if we do not obtain any grass.
When do we leave?
I'm just fucking. We meet here
about 20 minutes. So off we go.
- Shotgun!
- Come on. We are only two.
- Dude.
- Jump into.
- On. / I
- Now it's your turn. / I
- Hell, Tommy.
- What?
Fuck!
I thought you were a zombie.
- You must have shit your pants.
- Fuck you.
- I almost got heart attack.
- You should have seen yourself.
What the fuck.
You little idiot.
Asshole.
If you fuck with me again ...
What the fuck ...
Come on!
It is all the
bong water you have drunk.
For fuck's sake!
I'll distract him while you
ran to the car and get some ...
... To kill him. One, two ...
Shit, keys!
- What the hell are you doing?
- I lost the keys.
Move, move, move.
Move the foot.
He is in my hand. Get him away.
Come on.
I can not hold him forever.
Hurry!
Sorry.
The unnatural
The first number.
Absolutely incredible.
What is it that you face?
Is it a good cartoon?
You never told your best friend,
you have the first number.
Do you know that it was printed in 1963
and cost 10 cents.
I could buy 50 of them if it was!
Yes, I know.
And now it's $ 40,000 worth.
It is in good condition, no marks. The
increase well automatically value l5%.
I also have "Super Chimp" 1-9.
The one where he reconciled with
his evil twin? That's not true!
What the fuck?
Sitting In good?
It seems that I met one of my
men and smashed shell at him.
Shame on you.
Be careful, you idiot.
Let's get down to business.
Which one of you idiots
should take his place?
Wake up now, damn it!
There must have been a misunderstanding.
We were heading towards Freedom Town,
as a fucking disgusting zombie -
- Decided to attack us.
We are survivors just like you.
That's it!
God, my brain hurts.
I assume that you are too stupid to
to recognize me on my voice ...
- Oh, my god.
- What's going on?
Surprised?
You may have just never
seen someone like me talk before.
Well, let me explain.
I, Alex Montgomery Dickens III ...
... Have decided to go
to retaliate against the living ...
... For the torture, death and torture
I have caused me and mine.
I will gather an army.
An army of the undead.
Let your eyes enjoy the sight of my army.
You call that an army?
Grandpa over there puts a
undead shit in his pants.
There is a farm without eyes.
How does he know where he should go?
You, Mr Rotten have no fucking army.
You can not even keep order in your
socks! How would you manage an army?
My buddy says you ...
... Paired with servant without eyes,
and that you're his bitch.
Have you gone mad?
- Look, Mr
My partner is a chronic hashoman.
His brain has obviously been damaged.
- That I never said that.
- So do not you?
Shut up! Shut up, both of you.
Kill them both,
but do not destroy brains.
I'm trying to recruit people,
and even the two flap hats can be used.
No, what are you doing?
Not me, you idiot!
It was damn!
It's time to move on.
- I could not agree more.
- Help me with chains.
It was pretty wild.
Thank you for saving us.
- How did you do it?
- What are you talking about?
You teased him until
his brain exploded.
It was not meant to be.
I tried to get him to beat you
to death. Once you became a zombie -
- Would have saved me
and killed him.
The plan worked until him the
blind gave short shrift.
- Was that your plan?
- Yes, as simple as possible.
What was your role in it?
It was my idea.
Are you coming or what?
Hello?
- Are there any?
- The pump works.
So fill up the tank.
- Look at all these things.
- Is there anything good in a while?
I find that out.
Push.
I would not make it there,
if I were you.
- Relax, it's okay.
- No, it is not.
It's okay.
- Take it easy.
- Shut up and get your hands up.
- Oh shit, you sound just like ...
- Shut up.
It's okay. We come in peace.
Do not worry, mate. We come in peace.
We are survivors, just like you.
Add the weapon, so we can talk
about it like civilized ...
- What the hell! Take it easy!
- What are you doing here?
- We are on the way to ...
- Freedom Town ...
... To find the other survivors.
We heard about it on the radio,
and then we would just check it out.
Will not you quit.
Make sure that he shut up.
- Come on, shut up.
- Enough is enough.
You make me laugh.
Let me go.
- You're a really hot chick.
- Excuse me?
It is she then. Look at her.
Do you want the "hot"? Maybe I should
poke it here so far up your ass ...
... You'll shit hail rest of their lives.
Is not "hot"?
Not at all.
It sounds extremely painful.
I ask the question again.
What are you doing here and why do you think
that you can steal my gas?
Listen, lady.
We have traveled a long distance.
We were also taken hostage by
an old, crazy zombie -
- Who had an army,
so that he could conquer the world.
- But the army consisted of three guys.
- It was actually four.
- Fire?
- I killed him there outside.
- There splattered blood all over the place ...
- And I was put in chains ...
That's it!
I'm sorry I asked.
- What are you and messing with here?
- None of your business.
Jump into your bucket and get out,
before I make you into zombies.
It's okay. I'm leaving. We're out.
Remember the fresh guy.
We must further. That Girl has completely
Clearly vaginal problems.
- I have vaginal problems.
- Shut up.
Fuck!
- What's wrong?
- It will not start.
Come on, you old bucket.
Damn it.
Open the hood.
- You will be there.
- Okay. For crying out loud.
Madman.
I'm in love with chick.
She's a peach.
Can not you shut up!
You almost got me killed again.
Back this and shut up.
More smoke, less talk.
Maybe it's the first time / i
you hear me ... / i
I say it is again, as I / i
've said it a hundred times before ... / i
I'm Mik and I speak on behalf of / i
other survivors in Freedom Town. / i
We are a society in. .. / i
It is secluded at / i
New Mexico in Rosewell. / i
We are trying to reach everyone out there, / i
who can understand us ... / i
... who will be with ... / i
if only you are not redhead. / i
I'm sorry but redheads / i
can not be with. / i
But if you have a vehicle ... / i
- Here's the problem.
- Why is it always me?
I will probably not running any
places in the old bucket today.
Really ... I'm really worried.
The problem is not it,
you hold in your hand.
It's not the only problem.
The engine is dead.
Fuck!
Gun, what do we do now?
It can not be true!
Look at this place!
This is ...
It can not be. It works.
Beware! Do not touch my stuff.
I mean it. I have a couple of days,
and then you must take on.
I can not afford to house a few
vagrants. Do not feel for the home.
Okay, that's fine. We're leaving so
Once the car is repaired.
We promise. - Or what?
- What are you doing? I won after all.
- No, you did not.
Listen! We proceed as follows.
I sleep on the couch. Sleeping bags
Located in the closet by the stairs.
I sleep upstairs. It is prohibited
area, have no good ideas.
If I hear so much as a footstep,
I shoot head of you.
Is that clear?
I love it here ...
- It's great, I said.
Well, it meant I will.
The toilet is in the back.
There is no running water.
However, there are a flashlight.
Use it, for there
is no electricity out there.
The generator is turned off every night
to save fuel.
The meter should be checked
every four hours.
If there is not enough fuel ...
... So you know well already,
where you can find it?
Questions?
- What is it?
- What is your name?
Leah. Leah Kroaker.
Leah ... I like it.
I'm Tommy and this is Edwin.
Nice to meet you, Leah Kroaker.
Yes, if you say so.
I can still see you.
- What the hell are you doing?
- I could not sleep?
Okay, and so you meant that you had to go
crazy in my bar. In addition, half-naked.
It is not,
what it seems to be.
Why have you
an open bottle in your hand?
Do you remember that you said that
no running water.
I've already drunk ...
emptied my bong water.
So I thought,
that vodka would work.
So I stuffed vodka in it.
I thought,
I could hold my own party.
- In smoking shown some grass?
- Do not you know?
Forget I asked.
- Does it work?
- I have not tried yet.
Would you turn it on?
Here you go.
- How do I?
- Start by turning it over.
It looks a bit like a black cock ...
Excuse me.
You hold it like this, and then take
we have a little of this heavenly plant.
We thank the ground. We stop the
in this and take the lighter.
Ready? Sucked in now.
Can you hear bubble sounds?
Sucked in. Keep going.
And ... breathe out.
What a bonfire. Come on.
I can not feel anything.
This is it ...
Wow, that's ...
- How does it feel?
- My eyes watering.
It is as if one is crying of joy.
Check it here.
It's like summer in the backyard.
Now we bumped into each other.
- Here you go. Kraniebongen.
- Okay, so we party.
He should be crowned.
There goes no oxygen inside.
Hey, there she fell.
- Who wants shots?
- You are insane.
First you shoot the heads off,
and now you want to drink with us.
- Would you like something or not?
- Yes, I want some.
When the meteor struck,
we had no idea what was going on.
They appeared out of nowhere.
First thought we would
go down in the course of a few days.
Writing papers,
that everything was under control.
Since then they stopped
to write something.
What once was the sound of
playing children, was now just a memory.
The eerie sound of silence had
never been so deafening.
TV channels stopped sending.
The radio was silent.
Suddenly everything was quiet.
Then came the beings up.
People ate each other like wild animals ...
in the street.
When the screams stopped, the only thing
that was left, the stench of death.
It was not long,
before the infection hit us.
It started with my parents.
Father was the first to be infected.
I actually do not know
how it happened.
Then it was my mother's turn ...
... And my little sister.
I found her sitting
in a corner of the garage.
She was only eleven years.
I was ready when they came after me.
I took care of them all.
Are you okay?
Yes.
I'm just tired.
See you tomorrow.
You should also get some sleep.
We have lots of work ahead of us,
if you want to Freedom Town.
- This sucks.
- Think that she killed her own family.
It's not that.
We have no more weed.
You're an idiot. We'll fix it soon.
Now get some sleep.
Should I spooning all day,
or do you stand up and help?
Get some clothes on and meet me in
workshop in five minutes.
Now!
- Have you mastered it?
- No, the generator has been passed.
I probably have one lying somewhere.
- It's too wild.
- What are you doing?
- Be careful with it.
- I destroy it.
Become nearby
so I can keep an eye on you.
- Do we agree? I mean it.
- I will.
He gets himself killed.
Become nearby!
I keep it runnning out more.
I'm sorry. Tommy can be
a bit of a spaz sometimes.
The guy is Canadian.
How did you meet?
We shared apartment. I lived there,
and he came by to buy grass.
- Okay, so now you're also pusher.
- No, not that way.
I bred some plants for myself.
A few dozen plants here and there.
I had rigged a place in the apartment,
where I could experiment.
Once bred, I am a hybrid of -
- Peach, apricot, plum and cherry.
I called it a fruit cocktail.
It was a heady mixture of
flavors. Very soft ...
It was good stuff.
So I planted some hemp.
The rumor was quickly dispersed.
All would have suffered.
One day Tommy knocked on the door,
and would buy a bag.
I said of course not.
I was not the pusher.
But the guy is good at trouble.
So ... I gave myself.
He began to buy, borrow and beg.
He came over every other day.
After the disaster ...
I guess he had nothing
other place to go.
He came by one day
and was stuck.
We've been best friends ever since.
How can you be
so judgmental?
- One does not become stupid of marijuana.
- Quiet, listen.
Are there any other survivors out there?
Do you hear me? If you have survived -
- Because you are smart enough to cope
meeting with a flesh-eating zombie -
- I will meet you.
In particular, if you have a vehicle
or if you have gasoline.
I am willing to swap ...
for food and shelter ...
They keep. We must do something. I
do not know if we are safe here anymore.
We are in the middle of nowhere.
There is then no chance that we
not safe here, or what?
- Tommy!
- Wait!
Oh, god.
What's wrong with you?
I told you to stay nearby.
What are you doing here?
- What is this all about?
- None of your business.
- It's a shower.
- What?
- It's a fucking shower.
- Shut up.
- This is my shower. And you blew it.
- Me? You blew the head off.
Will someone explain what is going on?
Why is there a zombie
tied to a treadmill?
What the hell!
You're a totally twisted slut.
It is now pretty cool.
Cool or not.
It tried to eat me.
- Nonsense, it would Max never do.
- Yes, he tried to eat me.
As he tried to eat you
this morning when you bathe.
- What?
- I'd better move on.
No, you're not going anywhere.
What did you say?
- Nothing. I said nothing.
- Your pervert.
You were spying on me,
while I was in the shower.
- Technically speaking ...
- Spying on her?
No, Edwin ...
Okay, so. I followed her.
You know how curious I am.
I did not know
she would get naked ...
... And flash the teats of a zombie
that tried to eat her.
For the last time.
Max tried not to eat any.
I hope you got sight of this case -
- The next time you see
so anyone here ... you are dead.
- Did you see her tits?
- Yes, they were wild.
Lucky devil.
Look, Leah ...
We are really sorry about Max.
I do not need your
excuses. I will be at peace.
Okay.
- It was too sick.
- It was too fucked-up.
We have plenty to see, so get
fingers out of your ass and come with me.
My father's truck. I would run away
in it if it became necessary.
Now that Max is dead ... again, there
not something that holds me back.
I have all the parts.
We just need to screw them together.
Then we can take the Freedom Town.
Nothing can stop us.
What is it?
You ... there is something ...
... We should tell.
- You have to promise that you will not be mad.
- Okay, I promise.
We were actually not
on the way to Freedom Town.
Where were you then going?
- Another place.
- I understood. Where?
- For risk.
- What?
For risk.
Sorry? Do you think that I was on
way directly into the core of the problem?
- There, where they dump all the zombies?
- Yep.
Why is that?
I told you that I experimented
with different types of grass.
One day I took the brain from a
dead zombie, a Greek.
He had a restaurant nearby.
- Very good food.
- Amazing dolmere ... of olive leaves.
That was how they made them.
Now we diverged from the topic.
I made brain substance
on the fertilizers.
- It was a green liquid.
- The green sauce.
We poured it over the seeds,
and they grew like hell.
Yes, dammit.
You are so good at it.
Well, we realized that there
were no more zombies.
- The government has cleaned all the cities.
- The area is drained.
We have not seen any long. Then I got
we have the idea to buy us a map -
- And drive right into the danger zone
and provide us with a bunch of zombies -
- Return and
be guaranteed access to the weed.
Wait a minute. I, two cooking heads, went
out to collect zombie brains -
- So I could take them home
and turn them into fertilizer?
So you could breed hemp?
Yes, the harder it was not.
I assume that I must
modify my design slightly.
If it is zombie fertilizer,
I want, it's what you should get.
I assume
that we need to risk.
Just check it! How wild. Give me five.
Idiot.
Double-five?
- Jump in!
- Shotgun!
- The shotgun was right angle.
- Nar.
- Hello ...
- Yes, yes.
- Hands off, otherwise ...
- Relax. I was just looking.
- Enough look but do not touch.
- You sound like my mother.
- I mean it.
- I would just turn on the radio.
I'll do it.
All attempts to find survivors - / i
- has failed. / i
Come and help me. Government / i
has left us to ourselves. / i
is no hope of survival. / i
- What does it mean?
- That we only have each other.
- Jeez, do something!
- I'm trying. Stop screaming.
- One of us must go there.
- I is not growing out. There are better here.
He may disappear by itself.
Shoot!
- Fuck, I go there.
- What the hell are you doing?
Taste it here, pussy face!
Fuck you!
You bastard. You just have to die!
- Are you okay?
- I think so.
They just popped up.
There may be many more of them.
They come to eat us.
We must get away from here.
- Folks ... Folks!
- What is it?
See!
- Good heavens!
- For fuck's sake!
For hell.
There is good enough many of them.
- Where did they suddenly come from?
- It is as if they have been waiting for us.
Have you noticed something weird?
Yes, Chinaman eats up a
brain with chopsticks.
Holy shit.
Not so. They attack us.
They do not even try.
It seems as if,
they are waiting for something.
Apart from lebberne over there.
It might not be so bad after all.
Okay, it is not arousing.
Bravo, bravo.
- This is the power mad bastard.
- Do you think that you know that?
He took us hostage
and tried to kill us.
He put dead things
up on our ass.
Not on me.
What do you think of my new equipment?
Now be honest. Do I look fat?
I know that it's a bit too much.
However, it was inexpensive.
Speaking of cheap.
Who is the chick?
I would not mind
To put teeth into her.
What do you say, baby?
Do you have a taste?
- Drop dead, asshole.
- I'm already taxes.
Do not misunderstand me. Death was fun,
but it is quite overrated.
And life ...
Yes, life sucks for the most part.
I like to find
me somewhere in between.
That's why my little friends that I
has returned to kick ass.
I took your advice and recruited
some more - with eyes this time.
What should we do?
We will not get past all of them.
There is only one thing to do.
We have to show him who's boss.
Where are they going? Do not stand there like
a bunch of deadbeats. Catch them.
Hold on.
What was it?
I do not know.
I think it is stalled.
It's no use. A must see what
happened, while the other keeps watch.
Rock, paper, scissors?
A ... It is of three or after three?
- One, two, three ...
- Leah!
Where is she going?
Where's he going?
He is under the rear wheel!
Hurry up. I can not
hold them off much longer.
Tommy, come here, you coward!
- Come on, come on!
- Tommy, now!
No, I will not!
Come on, dammit!
Yeah, what the hell.
Hurry the fuck up!
Out of the way!
Come on!
No!
Take it easy. He had red hair.
Your stupid, ridiculous, bitch!
- Hello.
- Hello.
- What time is it?
- It is time to stand up.
I need a shower.
Do you want to?
- Easy, cowboy. I'm dirty.
- I like that.
Calm down.
Come on. Relax.
A fool's GUIDE
BUILD A CYBORG
From now on
are you working for me.
Alex Montgomery III works
not for any man.
Here I come.