Booger (2023) Movie Script
1
- Hey.
- What?
- Look who has decided
to join us today.
- Oh, my god.
What?
- Dude.
- Here, wait.
Hold this.
I'll get him.
- Ew.
Izzy.
Gross.
- Um, what made you decide
to come live in our house
and come up our fire escape?
Any-- any comments, concerns?
- Did it come from the garbage?
- I don't know.
- Dude, it probably has worms.
- You probably have worms.
It's so dirty.
We have to give it a bath.
Oh!
You're my little booger, huh?
Little freak.
- Hey, hun.
It's Joyce.
I'm looking for a picture
for Izzy's memorial,
so I'm going to swing by
tomorrow for her photo album,
OK?
- Hey, babe.
Just checking in.
Want me to come by or anything?
All right.
Let me know.
Love you.
- Uh, hello?
Yeah, this is Dennis.
Um, I'm very sorry
for your loss,
but I did only receive
half of your rent.
- Anna, hello.
It's Devin from work.
Remember work?
I need those project files.
Can you please
respond to my email?
- This is a friendly
reminder from Con Edison.
Your bill is past due.
- You can't ditch work
and screen my calls.
Seriously, what is up with you?
- Fucking rat.
Stupid.
- It's Izzy.
I don't check my voicemail,
so good luck to you.
- Well, look who's
friends with Booger now.
She's peeing.
- Mummy's doing
my laundry for me.
- --like pina coladas
and getting caught in the--
- Oh, I just ran
over a dead rat.
Oh, my god.
Oh, yeah.
Ohh.
You guys are so dumb.
Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.
- Izzy.
Get out of here.
- Heh, heh, heh, my ankle.
Heh, heh, heh.
- When did you see
me from one class?
What?
Girl, do better.
- This saga begins on
a long, dark night.
- --being spooky.
- I'm being spooky.
- Come on, guys.
It's been like--
- --on a call.
You can't send it.
- Well, maybe you should
call her back then.
- Well--
- You know, not all
penis look alike.
- Boog, no.
It's going to make you puke.
Stop licking it.
Ah!
Oh!
Ah, fuck!
Oh.
Oh, my god.
You're a dick.
Ugh.
Oh!
Where'd he go?
Boog!
Shit!
Ah!
Aw, man.
Boog?
I don't know where he went.
Boog!
Fuck!
Ugh, come on.
Boog!
Where did you go?
Booger!
Booger!
Have you guys seen a cat?
- No.
- Hi, Anna.
I'm glad I caught you
- Yeah, what's up?
- Where are you?
Are you outside?
- No.
- OK, cool.
Um, Colleen is wanting to have
these one-on-one meetings.
Do you think you're
coming in today?
- Uh, no, I'm working from home.
- You need to come in.
We have the froyo
pitch tomorrow.
Anna?
Hello?
I can't see you.
- Hey, Joyce.
- Oh.
You're awfully sweaty.
- Yeah, Booger got out.
- She scared the hell
out of me at this age.
- That's the album
you wanted, right?
- Uh-huh.
- OK, well, I
should keep looking.
- Sweetie, come sit with me.
- Come on.
I swear, uh, this kid
should have been on a leash.
- Mm-hmm.
- We found her at-- in another
family's hotel room once.
- That's terrifying.
- It sure was.
Oh, god.
I look horrible in this photo.
That haircut made me
look like a mushroom.
Also,
a little bit like a penis.
- Huh?
- Like a penis.
It sure would have been nice
if you girls had told me.
You want?
- Mm, I'm good.
- OK.
If I let my blood sugar drop,
I'll pass out on the train.
It's happened before.
And it was not good.
I mean, it was bad.
Oh!
Here.
Here's the one I was
thinking of for the memorial.
Wait, sweetie,
what happened to your hand?
You're bleeding.
Oh, I'm going to come by
later, and we'll clean out
Izzy's half of the apartment.
'Cause you have to
think about what you're
going to do with the place, OK?
- Successfully stalked
and ambushed her prey.
- Did you put red pepper
on the whole thing?
- No.
- It's been a ghost.
- Not funny.
- It's sort of funny.
- Dragging it up to
a tree for her cubs
to feed, away from scavengers--
- So--
- --and predators.
- --how come we haven't
talked about Izzy?
- Can we watch this?
- There, he looks helpless.
This pup will soon--
- Ever think about
getting time off?
Talk to your boss?
- No, I strategically talk
to him as little as possible,
unlike you.
- Wait, are you
talking about Jerry?
- Oh, my god.
- Jerry's barely a boss.
He's just a good communicator.
- Ugh.
- I love Jerry.
- OK, are we going
to watch this or what?
- Oh, my god.
What happened to your hand?
- Nothing.
- I feel like something
happened to your hand.
- Any adventure--
- That's a lot of
blood for nothing.
- Danger is never far away.
- Do you have floss?
- Ugh.
- Babe?
- Ugh.
- Hello?
Do you have floss?
I've got pepper
stuck to my teeth.
- Oh.
Uh-- gross.
- Thank you.
Fuck.
- Hmm.
I'm worried about Booger.
- Mm.
- He's probably fine.
- Hmm, mm.
He's-- he's fine.
- I think I'm going to go home.
- Mm.
What?
- Yeah, I can't--
I don't know.
I can't sleep.
- It's so late.
- Love you.
- OK.
- Booger!
Booger.
Boog?
Boog?
- Hey, stop that.
Monty, stop.
What's wrong with you?
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I don't know why
she's doing this.
Sorry.
Chill out.
What are you doing?
- Dennis, you seen a cat?
- Rat?
- Cat.
- Yeah, well, a rat keeps
slipping through my fingers,
you know?
The hardest thing is,
rats can multiply, man.
You know?
People don't know this, but,
like, rats can actually--
they can decide whether
or not to fertilize
their eggs during intercourse.
- Right.
- I've learned a
lot about my enemy.
- Oh.
- That's the crazy thing
about it, you know?
Yeah, they can decide.
- Oh, I've got water in my ear.
- My wife said not to do
that, and then she left me.
So, whatever.
Oh, my god!
Are you serious?
It ate a hole right
through the can!
I'm gonna smash this
thing with a hammer.
Oh, and, uh, hey, don't
forget about your mail.
- Yeah.
- Your box is
getting really full.
It's overflowing.
- Usually, the lighting's
better if you go this way.
- Going on the third deck.
- Yes!
Yes, girls, get it!
- Stay aware of
your surroundings.
- Oh, my god.
Wake up.
- Thank you.
- Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
- Please stop.
- Oh, no.
OK, wait.
Let's do the--
Yep, our saga begins
on a long, dark night.
--pina colada--
Whatcha doing, Boogie?
- You look crazy in the morning.
- --pina colada--
- See you.
Get out of here.
- Oh, no, no, no.
You can't kitty
cat just anything.
- Uh--
- You should say food motivated.
- Got it.
- And you should get a photo
with a little more pizzazz,
you know?
A little more pop?
Yeah, 'cause I'm sorry
to say, this ain't it.
This sucks.
This isn't great.
Oh, come on.
Spring for color.
I mean, do they have blue eyes?
Do they have green eyes?
No one's going to
be able to tell.
- Right.
- He looks a little scared here.
Like, maybe he sees spirits?
Does he see spirits?
He looks like a spirit cat.
My little Esmeralda,
she was a spirit cat.
She always had this
look in her eye, too.
Does he have a
hobby of some sort?
You know, like laser
tag or biscuit making?
- Uh, no, he's not even my cat.
- Peeing in the toilet?
- He's my friend's.
- Knitting or--
- And she's dead.
- Oh, my god.
I wasn't expecting that twist.
Oh, come here.
You must be a wreck.
- I'm not a wreck.
- Oh, you're a wreck.
You're a huge wreck.
You're-- you're like a 9/11.
- OK, well, thanks for those
six suggestions about the flyer.
- Look.
Look at me.
Look at me, OK?
I'll get up to here.
You two need each other
more than you know.
Because he knows
where he belongs.
You know where that is?
That's right there!
Right there in the heart.
It's called the heart.
Ba-boom, ba-boom.
- I'm leaving.
- OK, great.
- Ooh!
Wow.
- Maybe one of those people
that pees in the subway.
- I'm not--
I will-- everyone--
everyone pees--
- Help, I'm trapped.
I can't get out.
Isn't she beautiful?
I love my beautiful friend.
Oh, thank you.
Go away.
- I think you broke the tip.
Boogie in a bag.
- Our saga begins on
a long, dark night.
Why are you asking me?
- This flyer sucks.
You should say food motivated.
Come on, spring for color.
- Has anyone else seen Anna?
What is going on with her?
She can't just come
in whenever she wants.
- I think she's still in there.
- Ugh!
Oh, my god.
Anna.
- Uh--
- Um, this is crazy.
I-- I was just
going to call you.
- Yeah, no, I was just, uh,
popping in to print some stuff.
- OK, well, um--
- So.
- Colleen's finally here.
- Oh!
- I'll check if she's free.
- Awesome.
- OK.
Don't move.
- Sorry about your cat.
- Yeah, so he always
wanted to go to the woods.
So Ricky and I are thinking
of doing a Catskills weekend
for Jerry's bachelor party.
Maybe we do, like--
I don't know-- wood carving.
What if we wood carved?
Right?
Or do you think
whittling and alcohol
is a little too dangerous?
Do you?
- Do I what?
- Whittling.
- Who's whittling?
- Everybody will be whittling.
I'll be whittling.
Ricky will be whittling.
Scott will be whittling.
Keith will be whittling.
Jerry will be whittling.
Everybody.
Every single person
in that cabin
will have a small carving
knife for whittling.
- I have a headache.
- So?
You can have a headache
in a conversation.
I'm not trying to
talk to a wall.
- I just feel,
ugh, kind of awful.
- Oh, hey.
You and Izzy's karaoke song.
And getting
caught in the rain
- Stop.
- You sure?
Mm.
Yoga
Come on, sing it.
- Max.
- If you
have half a brain
- My god.
- If you like
making love at midnight
- Stop.
- In the
dunes of the cave
- Nice memories, I guess.
- I guess.
- Write
to me and escape
- Um.
You know what?
I have an idea.
I want to read you something.
- Oh, my god.
Are you going to read
me your diary in a bar?
- I'm going to read you
my journal in a bar.
- You start off with a prompt.
Like, today, I'm
really missing Izzy.
I miss how easily she laughs,
even when my jokes are stupid.
- I even miss how late
she was every day because she
would always bring snacks.
I miss all of the stupid videos
she took, but most of all,
I miss how good she was
at talking to old people.
Like, remember that
dude with the beret?
- Yeah, I remember that, dude.
- OK, all right.
Well, just try to
stay on that page.
All right.
- What?
You can't journal about Izzy.
- Why not?
- It's messed up?
- Journaling is the
opposite of messed up.
- You're, like,
co-opting my feelings.
- No, those are my feelings.
You don't get to own sadness.
- OK, Max.
- Yeah?
- You don't get to
feel this for me
and, like, perform
it at happy hour.
- What are you talking about?
She was my friend, too.
- Your friend?
She thought you were annoying.
- Everybody knows I'm
not annoying at all.
Whoa.
Where are you going?
Ugh.
What the fuck is that, man?
- You OK in there?
- Go away.
Ugh.
- Are you vomiting?
- No!
- There's a line.
- And, uh, red potatoes and
ketchup with French fries.
Ew.
Ah!
Ew.
Ah.
Ah.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Ooh.
Oh.
Just a sec, Joyce!
- Well, your little box
can only hold so much.
- OK.
- No, there could be
important documents in here.
Slow down, OK?
There could be, like--
I don't know--
bills, coupons, even,
for electronic
toothbrushes, maybe panties,
and all kinds of things.
- Are you reading my mail?
- Am I?
Uh--
- Dude.
- So is this your
apartment next week, or?
- No, no, I live here.
OK?
I am living here.
- Yeah.
- So, go.
- I just-- wha--
- Insensitive asshole.
- Oh!
Oh!
I heard that.
- Anna?
Anna, it's Joyce.
Thought I'd save a stamp.
I know
I'm-- you know,
I'm not a graphic
designer or anything.
- No, it's nice.
- Oh, good.
I'm glad you like it.
Did you ever come
across her phone?
It's so bizarre.
I thought I had it, but--
- No, I haven't seen it.
- I keep thinking that
she's lost her phone again.
And this is all just a
blip in communication.
I keep waiting for her to
call or something, you know?
- Yeah.
- I feel so horrible.
- Hey, you didn't do anything.
- I mean, you know
how she always has the next big
thing.
- Here.
- Thanks.
You know, her next
move, and we'd all--
we'd all be
like, come on, Izzy.
Get real.
And this time, it was
an art therapy master's degree
in New Mexico.
Deep down, I--
I didn't even want to
hear anything about it.
You know, she'd never been more
than a few hours away from me.
She was all excited, but
I had to talk to the lady
at Zabar's because you never
know if there's more schmears
or that's it in the fridge.
I told her that I'd have to call
her back when I was sitting down
at my computer.
And by the time I called, I--
she didn't answer.
She never answered, obviously.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- She wanted to move.
- Oh, whoa.
OK.
Here.
Here, here, here.
You're OK.
- Ugh.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Do you want to, um--
do you want to get dinner?
My treat.
- Now?
- Yeah, now I'm starving.
Aren't you?
- I gotta work.
- Ah.
- Yeah, deadlines and stuff.
- Too bad.
Oh.
Um, I'll get the rest
of Izzy's things later.
I guess I just--
I won't see you until
the memorial, then.
- Yeah, I guess not.
- Although I could, um--
maybe you could come
over early because I
could use a hand, you know,
because we have to, you know,
have something to eat.
- Right--
- And obviously, that
has to be plated.
- Of course.
- All righty.
So, um, all right.
Thanks, honey.
Ugh.
Yikes.
- I am into champagne
Woo!
- If you like
making love at midnight
In the dunes
- What-- Anna.
Hello?
Love at midnight
What's up, baby?
- Plan our escape
- Get me out of here.
Get me out of here.
- Plan our escape
- Boogie.
Boogie.
Ugh.
- Hello?
We live here now.
- Anna, you home?
You had the choices.
Anna?
Are you there?
OK, guess not.
- Knock, knock.
Heard we had a leak in here.
Uh, hello?
Jeez.
OK, well.
There's the water.
- And that's what I'll
always remember about Izzy.
- Hey.
How are you feeling?
- OK.
- Good.
- Wonderful.
Thank you.
Would anyone else
like to say something?
- Uh, maybe Anna?
Is-- is Anna here?
- Um, are you--
yeah, she's here.
- Oh!
There you are.
Anything you'd like to share?
Oh.
- I'm fine.
Yeah, I'll be right back.
- Um.
I-- I can--
I can say something.
- Oh, great!
Thank you, Max.
I guess I'll just read
something from my journal.
- I miss how easily she laughed.
- Oh.
- And it's all of the
stupid videos we took.
I even miss how late she was
to everything because she
was always buying snacks.
But most of all, I
miss how Izzy liked
to talk with the old people.
- Honey, what happened?
Oh!
You fainted?
There's blood.
Oh, no.
- I don't know what's
happening to me.
- Have you eaten?
Sweetie, your blood sugar
is-- oh, we have Milanos.
Paul, could you get the cookies?
Oh.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Hey, you can't keep
it all inside, OK?
You'll just rot.
You'll rot.
- I'm mad at her.
- I know you are, sweetie.
- When she was
going to leave me.
- Paul, the cookies!
I just-- you can't
think like that, OK?
What's the point--
Paul!
Where is he?
Oh, lovey.
- Thank you.
- It's nothing.
Anna, um, do
you think maybe you could call
me sometimes?
I'm very fond of you.
And I couldn't-- I can't--
I can't lose you, too.
- What
took you so long?
She hasn't eaten all day.
- Yep.
I think we should do
something to celebrate Izzy.
You know, just the two of us?
- What do you mean?
- I mean, it's karaoke time.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious.
- Max, I don't want to sing.
- I was
tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was a letter I read
If you like pina coladas
- What the fuck is this?
- It's a tribute for our friend.
I thought it would be nice.
I don't know.
I just want you to get better.
- You can't make me
better from Izzy dying.
- Hey, I'm just trying to help.
- How is this helpful?
- Whoa, chill.
- Don't tell me to chill!
This-- this whole
thing is so fucked up!
- It's something, right?
I can't not try.
- Oh, you not trying would be,
like, a million times better
than whatever the fuck this is.
- OK, well, how's that
working out for you?
- Fuck you.
- You're refusing
to feel feelings.
- Max, I'm telling you to stop.
- You're sitting there like this
wall, and something happened.
- To me, not to you.
- How could you say that?
You're so fucking far away.
What was that at the memorial?
You can't say anything?
This was supposed to
be your best friend.
- You mean, you can?
- Of course I can.
People appreciated it.
- No, you don't know
what people thought.
You don't know anything.
You're-- you're trying to
recreate this whole thing that
you were never even a part of.
It's-- it's pathetic.
Oh, I'm so done.
Is this all my shit?
What the fuck, Dennis?
Dennis!
Dennis!
You can't kick me out!
This is illegal!
Dennis!
What, Devon?
- Anna?
Oh, I'm calling because
I have to fire you.
Yeah, you're fired today.
This is the end.
And before you even
think about it,
no, I will not be
giving you a referral.
So you'll have to
turn in your laptop.
I'll go over all the details.
Anna, are you there?
Hello?
- I love that sculpture.
It's so punk.
- It's not a sculpture.
It's a memorial.
- That's dope.
- For a dead person.
- Oh.
- It's from a bike accident.
- That sucks.
Hey.
Oh!
You got a little, uh--
you know.
uh, you got some--
something like a beautiful--
that's cool.
Oh, fuck.
- Oh, OK.
Fuck!
You're crazy.
You're fucking crazy.
Izzy?
- Yoo-hoo!
Anna, replace the toner?
Thank you.
- Ah, fuck.
- You can't smoke in here.
- No, they allow you
to smoke in here!
Hello, you fucks!
Ooh.
Oh.
Ah!
Mm, ah.
Mm!
What the fuck?
You threw up
in my fucking mouth.
Fuck.
- Occupied.
- How's your night going?
- Bad.
- Oh?
- Yep.
- Cool.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
Wow.
Hey, hey, hey.
Yo, yo.
- Leave me alone.
- Uh, yeah, I would
love to, but I
can't let you walk into traffic
just because we're fighting
or broken up or--
what are you wearing?
- Oh, my god.
Are you-- OK, all right.
Are you going to-- oh, oh god.
Yeah.
Are you OK?
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- OK.
- Oh, god.
Yeah.
Just let it out.
Let it out.
Yeah.
- Oh.
- Are you done?
- Yeah.
- You want to sit?
- Yeah.
- OK, OK, OK.
- I need help.
- Yeah, no shit.
You just threw up in
the fucking playground.
You're not OK.
- I don't--
I thought I could find him
before anyone knew he was gone,
but I
I get--
Ugh, what's
happening to me?
- OK, OK.
All right.
Take it easy.
- Oh.
OK.
I lost Booger.
I lost him.
- Booger?
What?
What are you talking--
why are you bringing up Booger?
- It's all my fault.
- OK, you're going
through a lot.
But I can tell you that
happened a long-ass time ago.
- What are you
fucking talking about?
- Booger's been gone.
- Yeah, I know!
- For, like, two years!
- What?
- Yeah.
- But I left
that stupid window o--
- Yeah, the window was
open, and then me, you,
and Izzy went out to
look for him for hours.
You have to remember it.
- It doesn't make sense.
- Are you serious?
Anna, look at me.
Booger's been gone.
And, yeah, I hope he's
OK, but I don't know.
I feel like if he wanted to
come back, he would have by now.
You're kind of scaring me.
OK, let's go.
You are confused and drunk.
And you are looking for
a cat that doesn't exist.
- Yeah, looking for a
cat that doesn't exist.
Don't follow me, or
I'll get very mad.
Booger.
- You came back.
- I-- I-- I am--
I am putting a lot
of money into this.
Yeah, yeah.
And I don't-- I don't
have a regular job.
I mean, this is my job.
This is my life.
I go home every day, having
to drink a fifth just
to fall asleep because
my heart can't take it.
It's just continual agita.
And she was supposed
to be here because we
have that new shipment of
kittens coming from Guatemala.
I would-- I don't know if you
believe in it, but I got the--
- No!
Hey!
- Boog.
Booger.
Boog.
Booger.
Boogie.
Booger.
Boogie.
Booger.
- OK.
- What was that?
OK, I got it.
- Our saga begins on
a long, dark night.
- Yeah, keep--
- It was so long.
- What are you guys doing?
- Filming Izzy being spooky.
- I'm being spooky.
- Come on, guys.
It's been, like, two
hours, and it's dark now.
- Yeah, it's only
been a little bit.
He's just being a crazy little
guy, having an adventure.
We have all the
good treats at home,
so he'll be back in no time.
Don't worry.
- Here, kitty, kitty.
- OK, let's look.
- We're done being spooky.
- OK.
- Let's go look for Boog.
- Yeah, cool.
- Booger.
- Boogie.
- Boog.
- Booger.
- Boog.
- Booger.
- Boogs.
Boogie!
- You're OK.
- Hi, you've reached Joyce.
Please leave a message.
- It's-- hi, Joyce, it's Anna.
Um, I'm calling like you asked.
And I also--
I have something
that should be yours.
So, maybe we could
get that dinner.
OK, bye.
I like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you like making
love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
You're the lady I've looked for
Write to me and escape
If you like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you like making
love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
You're the lady I've looked for
Write to me and escape
- If you
like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like making
love at midnight
In the dunes of the cape
I'm the love that
you've looked for
So write to me and escape
I was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read
- Mm.
OK.
- And getting
caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
- Oh!
- If you like
making love at midnight
- Me and my friends
all hanging out.
- I'm the love
that you've looked for
- Hi.
- So write
to me and escape
- Goodbye.
Good to see you.
This is my best friend!
- I wasn't
thinking of my lady
- That's good.
- Me and my old lady
Had fallen into the
same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper
Took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet
- Uh, ohh.
- Yes, I
like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne
I've gotta meet you
by tomorrow noon
And cut through
all this red tape
At a bar called O'Malley's
Where we'll plan our escape
- Hey.
- What?
- Look who has decided
to join us today.
- Oh, my god.
What?
- Dude.
- Here, wait.
Hold this.
I'll get him.
- Ew.
Izzy.
Gross.
- Um, what made you decide
to come live in our house
and come up our fire escape?
Any-- any comments, concerns?
- Did it come from the garbage?
- I don't know.
- Dude, it probably has worms.
- You probably have worms.
It's so dirty.
We have to give it a bath.
Oh!
You're my little booger, huh?
Little freak.
- Hey, hun.
It's Joyce.
I'm looking for a picture
for Izzy's memorial,
so I'm going to swing by
tomorrow for her photo album,
OK?
- Hey, babe.
Just checking in.
Want me to come by or anything?
All right.
Let me know.
Love you.
- Uh, hello?
Yeah, this is Dennis.
Um, I'm very sorry
for your loss,
but I did only receive
half of your rent.
- Anna, hello.
It's Devin from work.
Remember work?
I need those project files.
Can you please
respond to my email?
- This is a friendly
reminder from Con Edison.
Your bill is past due.
- You can't ditch work
and screen my calls.
Seriously, what is up with you?
- Fucking rat.
Stupid.
- It's Izzy.
I don't check my voicemail,
so good luck to you.
- Well, look who's
friends with Booger now.
She's peeing.
- Mummy's doing
my laundry for me.
- --like pina coladas
and getting caught in the--
- Oh, I just ran
over a dead rat.
Oh, my god.
Oh, yeah.
Ohh.
You guys are so dumb.
Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.
- Izzy.
Get out of here.
- Heh, heh, heh, my ankle.
Heh, heh, heh.
- When did you see
me from one class?
What?
Girl, do better.
- This saga begins on
a long, dark night.
- --being spooky.
- I'm being spooky.
- Come on, guys.
It's been like--
- --on a call.
You can't send it.
- Well, maybe you should
call her back then.
- Well--
- You know, not all
penis look alike.
- Boog, no.
It's going to make you puke.
Stop licking it.
Ah!
Oh!
Ah, fuck!
Oh.
Oh, my god.
You're a dick.
Ugh.
Oh!
Where'd he go?
Boog!
Shit!
Ah!
Aw, man.
Boog?
I don't know where he went.
Boog!
Fuck!
Ugh, come on.
Boog!
Where did you go?
Booger!
Booger!
Have you guys seen a cat?
- No.
- Hi, Anna.
I'm glad I caught you
- Yeah, what's up?
- Where are you?
Are you outside?
- No.
- OK, cool.
Um, Colleen is wanting to have
these one-on-one meetings.
Do you think you're
coming in today?
- Uh, no, I'm working from home.
- You need to come in.
We have the froyo
pitch tomorrow.
Anna?
Hello?
I can't see you.
- Hey, Joyce.
- Oh.
You're awfully sweaty.
- Yeah, Booger got out.
- She scared the hell
out of me at this age.
- That's the album
you wanted, right?
- Uh-huh.
- OK, well, I
should keep looking.
- Sweetie, come sit with me.
- Come on.
I swear, uh, this kid
should have been on a leash.
- Mm-hmm.
- We found her at-- in another
family's hotel room once.
- That's terrifying.
- It sure was.
Oh, god.
I look horrible in this photo.
That haircut made me
look like a mushroom.
Also,
a little bit like a penis.
- Huh?
- Like a penis.
It sure would have been nice
if you girls had told me.
You want?
- Mm, I'm good.
- OK.
If I let my blood sugar drop,
I'll pass out on the train.
It's happened before.
And it was not good.
I mean, it was bad.
Oh!
Here.
Here's the one I was
thinking of for the memorial.
Wait, sweetie,
what happened to your hand?
You're bleeding.
Oh, I'm going to come by
later, and we'll clean out
Izzy's half of the apartment.
'Cause you have to
think about what you're
going to do with the place, OK?
- Successfully stalked
and ambushed her prey.
- Did you put red pepper
on the whole thing?
- No.
- It's been a ghost.
- Not funny.
- It's sort of funny.
- Dragging it up to
a tree for her cubs
to feed, away from scavengers--
- So--
- --and predators.
- --how come we haven't
talked about Izzy?
- Can we watch this?
- There, he looks helpless.
This pup will soon--
- Ever think about
getting time off?
Talk to your boss?
- No, I strategically talk
to him as little as possible,
unlike you.
- Wait, are you
talking about Jerry?
- Oh, my god.
- Jerry's barely a boss.
He's just a good communicator.
- Ugh.
- I love Jerry.
- OK, are we going
to watch this or what?
- Oh, my god.
What happened to your hand?
- Nothing.
- I feel like something
happened to your hand.
- Any adventure--
- That's a lot of
blood for nothing.
- Danger is never far away.
- Do you have floss?
- Ugh.
- Babe?
- Ugh.
- Hello?
Do you have floss?
I've got pepper
stuck to my teeth.
- Oh.
Uh-- gross.
- Thank you.
Fuck.
- Hmm.
I'm worried about Booger.
- Mm.
- He's probably fine.
- Hmm, mm.
He's-- he's fine.
- I think I'm going to go home.
- Mm.
What?
- Yeah, I can't--
I don't know.
I can't sleep.
- It's so late.
- Love you.
- OK.
- Booger!
Booger.
Boog?
Boog?
- Hey, stop that.
Monty, stop.
What's wrong with you?
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I don't know why
she's doing this.
Sorry.
Chill out.
What are you doing?
- Dennis, you seen a cat?
- Rat?
- Cat.
- Yeah, well, a rat keeps
slipping through my fingers,
you know?
The hardest thing is,
rats can multiply, man.
You know?
People don't know this, but,
like, rats can actually--
they can decide whether
or not to fertilize
their eggs during intercourse.
- Right.
- I've learned a
lot about my enemy.
- Oh.
- That's the crazy thing
about it, you know?
Yeah, they can decide.
- Oh, I've got water in my ear.
- My wife said not to do
that, and then she left me.
So, whatever.
Oh, my god!
Are you serious?
It ate a hole right
through the can!
I'm gonna smash this
thing with a hammer.
Oh, and, uh, hey, don't
forget about your mail.
- Yeah.
- Your box is
getting really full.
It's overflowing.
- Usually, the lighting's
better if you go this way.
- Going on the third deck.
- Yes!
Yes, girls, get it!
- Stay aware of
your surroundings.
- Oh, my god.
Wake up.
- Thank you.
- Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.
- Please stop.
- Oh, no.
OK, wait.
Let's do the--
Yep, our saga begins
on a long, dark night.
--pina colada--
Whatcha doing, Boogie?
- You look crazy in the morning.
- --pina colada--
- See you.
Get out of here.
- Oh, no, no, no.
You can't kitty
cat just anything.
- Uh--
- You should say food motivated.
- Got it.
- And you should get a photo
with a little more pizzazz,
you know?
A little more pop?
Yeah, 'cause I'm sorry
to say, this ain't it.
This sucks.
This isn't great.
Oh, come on.
Spring for color.
I mean, do they have blue eyes?
Do they have green eyes?
No one's going to
be able to tell.
- Right.
- He looks a little scared here.
Like, maybe he sees spirits?
Does he see spirits?
He looks like a spirit cat.
My little Esmeralda,
she was a spirit cat.
She always had this
look in her eye, too.
Does he have a
hobby of some sort?
You know, like laser
tag or biscuit making?
- Uh, no, he's not even my cat.
- Peeing in the toilet?
- He's my friend's.
- Knitting or--
- And she's dead.
- Oh, my god.
I wasn't expecting that twist.
Oh, come here.
You must be a wreck.
- I'm not a wreck.
- Oh, you're a wreck.
You're a huge wreck.
You're-- you're like a 9/11.
- OK, well, thanks for those
six suggestions about the flyer.
- Look.
Look at me.
Look at me, OK?
I'll get up to here.
You two need each other
more than you know.
Because he knows
where he belongs.
You know where that is?
That's right there!
Right there in the heart.
It's called the heart.
Ba-boom, ba-boom.
- I'm leaving.
- OK, great.
- Ooh!
Wow.
- Maybe one of those people
that pees in the subway.
- I'm not--
I will-- everyone--
everyone pees--
- Help, I'm trapped.
I can't get out.
Isn't she beautiful?
I love my beautiful friend.
Oh, thank you.
Go away.
- I think you broke the tip.
Boogie in a bag.
- Our saga begins on
a long, dark night.
Why are you asking me?
- This flyer sucks.
You should say food motivated.
Come on, spring for color.
- Has anyone else seen Anna?
What is going on with her?
She can't just come
in whenever she wants.
- I think she's still in there.
- Ugh!
Oh, my god.
Anna.
- Uh--
- Um, this is crazy.
I-- I was just
going to call you.
- Yeah, no, I was just, uh,
popping in to print some stuff.
- OK, well, um--
- So.
- Colleen's finally here.
- Oh!
- I'll check if she's free.
- Awesome.
- OK.
Don't move.
- Sorry about your cat.
- Yeah, so he always
wanted to go to the woods.
So Ricky and I are thinking
of doing a Catskills weekend
for Jerry's bachelor party.
Maybe we do, like--
I don't know-- wood carving.
What if we wood carved?
Right?
Or do you think
whittling and alcohol
is a little too dangerous?
Do you?
- Do I what?
- Whittling.
- Who's whittling?
- Everybody will be whittling.
I'll be whittling.
Ricky will be whittling.
Scott will be whittling.
Keith will be whittling.
Jerry will be whittling.
Everybody.
Every single person
in that cabin
will have a small carving
knife for whittling.
- I have a headache.
- So?
You can have a headache
in a conversation.
I'm not trying to
talk to a wall.
- I just feel,
ugh, kind of awful.
- Oh, hey.
You and Izzy's karaoke song.
And getting
caught in the rain
- Stop.
- You sure?
Mm.
Yoga
Come on, sing it.
- Max.
- If you
have half a brain
- My god.
- If you like
making love at midnight
- Stop.
- In the
dunes of the cave
- Nice memories, I guess.
- I guess.
- Write
to me and escape
- Um.
You know what?
I have an idea.
I want to read you something.
- Oh, my god.
Are you going to read
me your diary in a bar?
- I'm going to read you
my journal in a bar.
- You start off with a prompt.
Like, today, I'm
really missing Izzy.
I miss how easily she laughs,
even when my jokes are stupid.
- I even miss how late
she was every day because she
would always bring snacks.
I miss all of the stupid videos
she took, but most of all,
I miss how good she was
at talking to old people.
Like, remember that
dude with the beret?
- Yeah, I remember that, dude.
- OK, all right.
Well, just try to
stay on that page.
All right.
- What?
You can't journal about Izzy.
- Why not?
- It's messed up?
- Journaling is the
opposite of messed up.
- You're, like,
co-opting my feelings.
- No, those are my feelings.
You don't get to own sadness.
- OK, Max.
- Yeah?
- You don't get to
feel this for me
and, like, perform
it at happy hour.
- What are you talking about?
She was my friend, too.
- Your friend?
She thought you were annoying.
- Everybody knows I'm
not annoying at all.
Whoa.
Where are you going?
Ugh.
What the fuck is that, man?
- You OK in there?
- Go away.
Ugh.
- Are you vomiting?
- No!
- There's a line.
- And, uh, red potatoes and
ketchup with French fries.
Ew.
Ah!
Ew.
Ah.
Ah.
Ow.
Ow.
Ow.
Ooh.
Oh.
Just a sec, Joyce!
- Well, your little box
can only hold so much.
- OK.
- No, there could be
important documents in here.
Slow down, OK?
There could be, like--
I don't know--
bills, coupons, even,
for electronic
toothbrushes, maybe panties,
and all kinds of things.
- Are you reading my mail?
- Am I?
Uh--
- Dude.
- So is this your
apartment next week, or?
- No, no, I live here.
OK?
I am living here.
- Yeah.
- So, go.
- I just-- wha--
- Insensitive asshole.
- Oh!
Oh!
I heard that.
- Anna?
Anna, it's Joyce.
Thought I'd save a stamp.
I know
I'm-- you know,
I'm not a graphic
designer or anything.
- No, it's nice.
- Oh, good.
I'm glad you like it.
Did you ever come
across her phone?
It's so bizarre.
I thought I had it, but--
- No, I haven't seen it.
- I keep thinking that
she's lost her phone again.
And this is all just a
blip in communication.
I keep waiting for her to
call or something, you know?
- Yeah.
- I feel so horrible.
- Hey, you didn't do anything.
- I mean, you know
how she always has the next big
thing.
- Here.
- Thanks.
You know, her next
move, and we'd all--
we'd all be
like, come on, Izzy.
Get real.
And this time, it was
an art therapy master's degree
in New Mexico.
Deep down, I--
I didn't even want to
hear anything about it.
You know, she'd never been more
than a few hours away from me.
She was all excited, but
I had to talk to the lady
at Zabar's because you never
know if there's more schmears
or that's it in the fridge.
I told her that I'd have to call
her back when I was sitting down
at my computer.
And by the time I called, I--
she didn't answer.
She never answered, obviously.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- She wanted to move.
- Oh, whoa.
OK.
Here.
Here, here, here.
You're OK.
- Ugh.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Do you want to, um--
do you want to get dinner?
My treat.
- Now?
- Yeah, now I'm starving.
Aren't you?
- I gotta work.
- Ah.
- Yeah, deadlines and stuff.
- Too bad.
Oh.
Um, I'll get the rest
of Izzy's things later.
I guess I just--
I won't see you until
the memorial, then.
- Yeah, I guess not.
- Although I could, um--
maybe you could come
over early because I
could use a hand, you know,
because we have to, you know,
have something to eat.
- Right--
- And obviously, that
has to be plated.
- Of course.
- All righty.
So, um, all right.
Thanks, honey.
Ugh.
Yikes.
- I am into champagne
Woo!
- If you like
making love at midnight
In the dunes
- What-- Anna.
Hello?
Love at midnight
What's up, baby?
- Plan our escape
- Get me out of here.
Get me out of here.
- Plan our escape
- Boogie.
Boogie.
Ugh.
- Hello?
We live here now.
- Anna, you home?
You had the choices.
Anna?
Are you there?
OK, guess not.
- Knock, knock.
Heard we had a leak in here.
Uh, hello?
Jeez.
OK, well.
There's the water.
- And that's what I'll
always remember about Izzy.
- Hey.
How are you feeling?
- OK.
- Good.
- Wonderful.
Thank you.
Would anyone else
like to say something?
- Uh, maybe Anna?
Is-- is Anna here?
- Um, are you--
yeah, she's here.
- Oh!
There you are.
Anything you'd like to share?
Oh.
- I'm fine.
Yeah, I'll be right back.
- Um.
I-- I can--
I can say something.
- Oh, great!
Thank you, Max.
I guess I'll just read
something from my journal.
- I miss how easily she laughed.
- Oh.
- And it's all of the
stupid videos we took.
I even miss how late she was
to everything because she
was always buying snacks.
But most of all, I
miss how Izzy liked
to talk with the old people.
- Honey, what happened?
Oh!
You fainted?
There's blood.
Oh, no.
- I don't know what's
happening to me.
- Have you eaten?
Sweetie, your blood sugar
is-- oh, we have Milanos.
Paul, could you get the cookies?
Oh.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Hey, you can't keep
it all inside, OK?
You'll just rot.
You'll rot.
- I'm mad at her.
- I know you are, sweetie.
- When she was
going to leave me.
- Paul, the cookies!
I just-- you can't
think like that, OK?
What's the point--
Paul!
Where is he?
Oh, lovey.
- Thank you.
- It's nothing.
Anna, um, do
you think maybe you could call
me sometimes?
I'm very fond of you.
And I couldn't-- I can't--
I can't lose you, too.
- What
took you so long?
She hasn't eaten all day.
- Yep.
I think we should do
something to celebrate Izzy.
You know, just the two of us?
- What do you mean?
- I mean, it's karaoke time.
- Are you serious?
- Yeah, I'm serious.
- Max, I don't want to sing.
- I was
tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was a letter I read
If you like pina coladas
- What the fuck is this?
- It's a tribute for our friend.
I thought it would be nice.
I don't know.
I just want you to get better.
- You can't make me
better from Izzy dying.
- Hey, I'm just trying to help.
- How is this helpful?
- Whoa, chill.
- Don't tell me to chill!
This-- this whole
thing is so fucked up!
- It's something, right?
I can't not try.
- Oh, you not trying would be,
like, a million times better
than whatever the fuck this is.
- OK, well, how's that
working out for you?
- Fuck you.
- You're refusing
to feel feelings.
- Max, I'm telling you to stop.
- You're sitting there like this
wall, and something happened.
- To me, not to you.
- How could you say that?
You're so fucking far away.
What was that at the memorial?
You can't say anything?
This was supposed to
be your best friend.
- You mean, you can?
- Of course I can.
People appreciated it.
- No, you don't know
what people thought.
You don't know anything.
You're-- you're trying to
recreate this whole thing that
you were never even a part of.
It's-- it's pathetic.
Oh, I'm so done.
Is this all my shit?
What the fuck, Dennis?
Dennis!
Dennis!
You can't kick me out!
This is illegal!
Dennis!
What, Devon?
- Anna?
Oh, I'm calling because
I have to fire you.
Yeah, you're fired today.
This is the end.
And before you even
think about it,
no, I will not be
giving you a referral.
So you'll have to
turn in your laptop.
I'll go over all the details.
Anna, are you there?
Hello?
- I love that sculpture.
It's so punk.
- It's not a sculpture.
It's a memorial.
- That's dope.
- For a dead person.
- Oh.
- It's from a bike accident.
- That sucks.
Hey.
Oh!
You got a little, uh--
you know.
uh, you got some--
something like a beautiful--
that's cool.
Oh, fuck.
- Oh, OK.
Fuck!
You're crazy.
You're fucking crazy.
Izzy?
- Yoo-hoo!
Anna, replace the toner?
Thank you.
- Ah, fuck.
- You can't smoke in here.
- No, they allow you
to smoke in here!
Hello, you fucks!
Ooh.
Oh.
Ah!
Mm, ah.
Mm!
What the fuck?
You threw up
in my fucking mouth.
Fuck.
- Occupied.
- How's your night going?
- Bad.
- Oh?
- Yep.
- Cool.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
Wow.
Hey, hey, hey.
Yo, yo.
- Leave me alone.
- Uh, yeah, I would
love to, but I
can't let you walk into traffic
just because we're fighting
or broken up or--
what are you wearing?
- Oh, my god.
Are you-- OK, all right.
Are you going to-- oh, oh god.
Yeah.
Are you OK?
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- OK.
- Oh, god.
Yeah.
Just let it out.
Let it out.
Yeah.
- Oh.
- Are you done?
- Yeah.
- You want to sit?
- Yeah.
- OK, OK, OK.
- I need help.
- Yeah, no shit.
You just threw up in
the fucking playground.
You're not OK.
- I don't--
I thought I could find him
before anyone knew he was gone,
but I
I get--
Ugh, what's
happening to me?
- OK, OK.
All right.
Take it easy.
- Oh.
OK.
I lost Booger.
I lost him.
- Booger?
What?
What are you talking--
why are you bringing up Booger?
- It's all my fault.
- OK, you're going
through a lot.
But I can tell you that
happened a long-ass time ago.
- What are you
fucking talking about?
- Booger's been gone.
- Yeah, I know!
- For, like, two years!
- What?
- Yeah.
- But I left
that stupid window o--
- Yeah, the window was
open, and then me, you,
and Izzy went out to
look for him for hours.
You have to remember it.
- It doesn't make sense.
- Are you serious?
Anna, look at me.
Booger's been gone.
And, yeah, I hope he's
OK, but I don't know.
I feel like if he wanted to
come back, he would have by now.
You're kind of scaring me.
OK, let's go.
You are confused and drunk.
And you are looking for
a cat that doesn't exist.
- Yeah, looking for a
cat that doesn't exist.
Don't follow me, or
I'll get very mad.
Booger.
- You came back.
- I-- I-- I am--
I am putting a lot
of money into this.
Yeah, yeah.
And I don't-- I don't
have a regular job.
I mean, this is my job.
This is my life.
I go home every day, having
to drink a fifth just
to fall asleep because
my heart can't take it.
It's just continual agita.
And she was supposed
to be here because we
have that new shipment of
kittens coming from Guatemala.
I would-- I don't know if you
believe in it, but I got the--
- No!
Hey!
- Boog.
Booger.
Boog.
Booger.
Boogie.
Booger.
Boogie.
Booger.
- OK.
- What was that?
OK, I got it.
- Our saga begins on
a long, dark night.
- Yeah, keep--
- It was so long.
- What are you guys doing?
- Filming Izzy being spooky.
- I'm being spooky.
- Come on, guys.
It's been, like, two
hours, and it's dark now.
- Yeah, it's only
been a little bit.
He's just being a crazy little
guy, having an adventure.
We have all the
good treats at home,
so he'll be back in no time.
Don't worry.
- Here, kitty, kitty.
- OK, let's look.
- We're done being spooky.
- OK.
- Let's go look for Boog.
- Yeah, cool.
- Booger.
- Boogie.
- Boog.
- Booger.
- Boog.
- Booger.
- Boogs.
Boogie!
- You're OK.
- Hi, you've reached Joyce.
Please leave a message.
- It's-- hi, Joyce, it's Anna.
Um, I'm calling like you asked.
And I also--
I have something
that should be yours.
So, maybe we could
get that dinner.
OK, bye.
I like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you like making
love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
You're the lady I've looked for
Write to me and escape
If you like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean
And the taste of champagne
If you like making
love at midnight
In the dunes on the cape
You're the lady I've looked for
Write to me and escape
- If you
like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
If you like making
love at midnight
In the dunes of the cape
I'm the love that
you've looked for
So write to me and escape
I was tired of my lady
We'd been together too long
Like a worn out recording
Of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping
I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns
There was this letter I read
- Mm.
OK.
- And getting
caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga
If you have half a brain
- Oh!
- If you like
making love at midnight
- Me and my friends
all hanging out.
- I'm the love
that you've looked for
- Hi.
- So write
to me and escape
- Goodbye.
Good to see you.
This is my best friend!
- I wasn't
thinking of my lady
- That's good.
- Me and my old lady
Had fallen into the
same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper
Took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet
- Uh, ohh.
- Yes, I
like pina coladas
And getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food
I am into champagne
I've gotta meet you
by tomorrow noon
And cut through
all this red tape
At a bar called O'Malley's
Where we'll plan our escape