Bored Games (2024) Movie Script

(thunder rumbling)
(lightning roaring)
(thunder rumbling)
(lightning roaring)
(spray bottle spritzing)
(gentle guitar music)
Stop that spin of yours
You get the hand you're dealt
You couldn't ask for more
That wasn't how you felt
Move on down the line
You're the only one around
Make that sign a sign
And take it underground
Right now, we're nearing but
there's something missing
Why won't you listen to
the sound we're given
It's all there is and
now we gotta give in
We gotta give in, we
gotta we give in, we gotta
Move on down the line
You said yours was mine
Let's move on down the line
(soft tense music)
- Not tonight.
- Well, actually, I was just reaching for these.
- Oh, were you?
- Yeah.
Oh, yes, ye of little faith.
- Oh, I just wanna make sure
you're doing your job correctly, okay.
- Ah, I think we both know I'm the most qualified.
- Most qualified person for this role.
- Mm-hm, because I make sure-
- That all the pieces are organised correctly.
- Mm-hm, correct.
- And all the money piles are distributed evenly.
- Also accurate.
- And there's no other person
I would trust more with this task.
- Good, then we're in agreement.
- My pleasure.
(Kat shrieking)
- [Kat] Oh, you don't like me playing with your maraca?
- [Zuck] That it's a sacred rattle of the Yawanawa tribe!
- Calm and present.
(maraca rattling)
- Oh, I think you have everything under control.
So see you later.
(Kat shrieking playfully)
(maraca rattling)
- Darling, darling, that is sacred
and you are not giving it the respect it deserves.
- Oh, you don't like me playing with your maraca?
(maraca rattling)
- You know very well
that is not a maraca, that is a ceremonial rattle-
Chugga chugga chugga chu
- Of the Yawanawa tribe.
(maraca rattling)
Chugga chugga chugga
(Kat laughing)
(Nina sighing)
- It's gonna be a fun night.
- Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.
- I shall be back with some snacks.
Ah, maybe we can invite Paul and Lindsey?
- No, Nina, don't invite Lindsey, I...
You got me, well done.
(Nina clicking tongue)
Very funny.
(playful classical music)
(door clicking)
(Lindsey whistling)
(door thudding)
(playful classical music)
(Lindsey whistling)
(door thudding)
- [Paul] Hey, sweetheart.
(tape measure clattering)
- Hello, lovely. How was work?
- Well, a bit manic to be honest, but um...
Has that bed moved closer to the wall?
- What?
- I swear my sight seems to get
more and more squished every day.
- Don't be silly, Paul, beds can't move.
- Yeah, no, yeah, you're
right. Must be going mad.
- Yeah.
- Oh, I saw this just as I was leaving the city.
Chaos, isn't it?
- [Lindsey] Stressful day at work?
- (sighing) Yeah.
- Come on, tell Lindsey all about it.
That's what these ears are trained for.
- Oh, where to start?
I mean, the government is in complete turmoil.
- Yeah.
- And us little minions,
we're running around like
headless chickens, you know,
putting out fires left, right, and centre.
- Yeah.
- Sometimes, metaphorical fires,
but sometimes, you know, real, literal, actual fires.
I mean, the Swedish ambassador
is completely ignoring the no smoking signs.
And it's like, "I can actually see you, you know,
and I can smell it and if you're gonna hide it,
please don't hide it in
a waste paper basket."
I'm sorry.
I'm just, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed,
and sometimes I think, you
know, maybe Grant was right
to be building that bunker in his garden.
- Paul, don't say that.
- I know you're right, I'm catastrophizing.
But the thing is that I-
- The world is a scary place, Paul
and it's okay to admit that
you're absolutely powerless
and you have no control.
- I'm absolutely powerless and I have no control.
- Yeah, aren't you lucky
to have a therapist for a girlfriend?
You know, I've offered Grant countless sessions,
but he won't take me up on any of them.
Some people would literally rather build a bunker
in their back garden than ask for help.
Ssh!
- I didn't say anything.
- Ssh! Do you hear that?
(muffled group laughing)
- What?
- Ssh! Downstairs.
They're having a board game night without us.
- Oh, honey, I'm sure they're not.
- Ssh!
- Look, even if they were, I don't see a-
- Get me a glass from the kitchen.
- Lindsey.
- Get me a glass from the kitchen.
(group laughing and chattering)
- Come on, cough up.
- Come on, darling,
you're not gonna make your fiance pay rent.
- Well, yeah, it can make up for the lack of rent
that you pay in real life.
- Sweetheart, what's mine is yours.
- Yeah and in this situation,
what's yours is literally mine, so.
- You know, actually, we should
address the whole rent issue
'cause Zuck, it's like two years now and um-
- That's capitalism for you, it tears families apart.
You know, if we were playing my utopia version-
- No.
(all laughing)
No!
- No, thank you.
- [Grant] No.
(die clattering)
(game piece tapping)
- Oh no, prison again.
- Karma.
- Oh, look at that, it's like a little family prison.
- Oh, I actually can't think of anything worse.
- Wait, wait, wait, you'd rather share a cell
with a criminal stranger than your own brother?
- Yeah, at least you know
he wouldn't kill you in your sleep.
- I wouldn't.
- Yeah, but I could end up being
really good friends with my cellmate.
She might end up being really cool.
We could like, take over the whole prison
and we could escape together.
- I mean, Grant will be the perfect person
to help you escape.
- Yeah, that is true actually.
Come on, Michael Scofield,
why don't you tunnel us out of here?
- Ah, actually, tunnelling is a very small part
of bunker building, so the joke's on you.
- Yes, exactly. Come on,
enough bunker chat, all right.
Mocking his bunker is the same
as mocking his crippling anxiety.
I'm not gonna stand here and-
- Okay, well, there is actually quite a lot
to be anxious about right now.
Let's not go into it. Nina,
I think it's your turn.
- Although, Grants- - It's just Grant, there's no S.
- Sure, sure, Grants, I was
gonna say, if you're interested,
I'd be happy to do a Reiki healing on you.
- Yeah, if I'm ever interested, I'll, I'll let you know.
Nina, do you wanna?
- Sorry, Reiki healing?
- Yes.
- Since when are you a Reiki healer?
- I did that online course last week.
- Oh yeah, yeah,
- Yeah, I mean, I'm only a Reiki master level two,
but I know enough to shift some of that blocked chi
you've got going on, if-
- No, that's very kind, that's a very kind offer,
too kind in a way, but- (cellphone alerting)
I think that's for me.
So I might just have a quick, tiny, little peek.
Or maybe whatever it is can
wait until after games night.
- Yay, well done, monkey, I'm so proud of you.
- See, there's your problem, Grants, it's too much news.
- Okay, my go.
(die clattering)
- Sorry.
Ah, my problem is, I, too much news?
- Too much news.
- Too much news.
- Too much.
- I'm, I'm too well informed?
- Too much news.
- Okay, okay.
- Yeah, Zucky actually never listens to the news.
- Never, haven't got a clue what's going on,
couldn't be happier.
(Nina sighing)
- Wow!
- Okay, Clapham Common.
I'm buying it.
- Well, no, no, that's fantastic, Zuck,
really, I think you've solved
the entire global crisis.
No one should know anything about anything
and everything will be fine.
- Listen, a wise man once said,
"The less you fill your head with knowledge,
the more space you have to dream."
- Right, who said that?
- Who?
Who said... That was, I, that, I did.
- One of yours, was it?
- That was one of mine, yeah, but it's a good point
and I would encourage everyone to- - Shut up.
- Okay.
- Okay?
- Yeah.
- If I want a therapy session, I will call Lindsey.
- Very true.
- Oh yeah, where are those two?
- They're probably upstairs.
- Why are you whispering?
They can't hear us.
- You never know.
- Yeah, they are a really weird couple, aren't they?
- Hm, yeah.
- Yeah.
(air whooshing)
- Weird, they said we were weird.
They said we were a weird couple.
I'll show them weird.
Come on, Paul, we're getting
into that board games night.
- Sure, yeah, no, if that's what you want.
Or we could just stay in
and snuggle up and watch a film, maybe.
- We're getting into that board game night.
- Sure, yeah, no, absolutely.
- You're gonna go over there
and say that we've run out of sugar.
- Oh no, Lindsey, please don't make me lie.
You know that I hate deceit.
If we're gonna do this, we're gonna tell the truth.
- And say what?
- Well, I think we just say that,
"We thought we could hear you
having a board games night
and so we decided to gather data,
and when we listened through
the floor for a little bit,
we realised that you were, in fact,
"having a board games
night and so we're here."
- Paul.
- Look, I know it sounds a bit farfetched,
but honesty is always the best policy.
(soft tense music)
- Paul, what is that?
(helicopter whirring)
(plane engine roaring)
(distant explosions booming)
- Oh, good God.
The whole of London seems to be on fire.
(tense orchestral music)
(static crackling)
- BBC News, "National Emergency,
public advised to find immediate shelter."
- Go on, what does it say?
- It won't load, my 5G's cut out.
- God, what are we gonna
do? What are we gonna do?
Where are we gonna go?
Um, um, under here, quick!
- Oh yes, we'll be really safe
underneath all of that memory foam.
- Wh-wh-where should we go?
- Grant's bunker.
Garden, quick.
(dramatic orchestral music)
(explosions booming)
(dramatic orchestral music)
- Look, we pool our resources.
- No, we are not pooling anything.
- We form a conglomerate and that-
- No, no, no, Zucky, Zucky.
I'm a sole trader, okay, I've got my own thing going on.
I'm not pooling.
- See, there's capitalism, selfish, right?
Now, if we were playing my utopia version.
(all groaning)
- No.
- There's what, what, what?
- Come on.
- Look, Zucky, no one wants to play
your silly little hippie version, okay.
- Guys, what was that?
- What is wrong with it?
It's a much nicer game.
- [Nina] It's just not really fun or enjoyable in any way.
- [Zuck] Okay, now how is that not an enjoyable game?
- Because what's the point of playing with no money,
no banks, there's no winners, no losers.
- Look, there's something, okay.
- Grant, come on.
- There's no signal, for God's sake.
- We're on a commune, we're working together.
- Put that away.
- It's pointless.
(explosion booming)
(mellow melodic music)
(crowds shouting)
(static crackling)
(explosion booming)
(mellow melodic music)
(static crackling)
Mother Luck is on our side, babe
(gun firing)
She's gonna join us for
the whole ride, babe
(crowd roaring)
So buckle up and then roll that dice
You got this, baby,
so don't think twice
We're playing board games
At the end of the world
(fire roaring)
So while I'm underneath
the ground, babe
Why don't you help me
play another round, babe
Another round and I'll leave you be
'Cause one more round
is gonna set us free
We're playing board games
At the end of the world
(mellow melodic music)
(keys clicking)
- [Grant] Ooh, no, absolutely not, we can't risk it, okay.
- But I really wanna go the Barcelona.
- But we've not got the resources, Nina.
- Oh, looks like the tables have turned.
- What?
- Oh.
- Paul, Paul, I was building a route there.
- Yeah, but that's the game, honey.
- Paul, I don't like it.
Take it back.
- Oh, hey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's okay,
I'll take it back, I'm gonna take it back.
- No, you can't take them back,
you've already placed them.
- What?
Paul, why are you doing this to me?
- Hey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, okay, I'm gonna fix this.
This is my problem, this is my fault
and I'm gonna fix this, I promise, I promise.
Grant, Grant, please check the rules.
There must be a way I can take these trains back.
- You can't take them back.
- I have to take these trains back.
- No, you can't take them back,
and for God's sake, everyone,
look at the state of the trains.
Come on, the tracks are there for a reason, yeah.
If we just throw them down anywhere, it's just chaos,
mindless chaos.
(electricity crackling)
- [Nina] Grant.
I think the generator died again.
- [Grant] Yep, thank you, honey.
- [Zuck] Don't worry, I'll get it.
Ah. (feet shuffling)
- [Nina] Oh.
- Oh!
- Careful.
- Sorry, sorry.
(feet shuffling)
(metal clattering)
- Hi.
- [Grant] Careful, Zuck.
- [Kat] You okay?
(electricity humming)
Oh!
- Hey.
- Oh, there he goes, our own
little personal power plant.
There you go, fuel yourself, my sweet angel.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, no, no, no, no, no, no.
What are you doing?
- Grant.
- We need to conserve supplies, okay.
No, look at me, look at me.
Look, once this food runs out, that is it.
- Grants, honestly, this scarcity mindset of yours.
- It's Grant, okay, there's no S, it's Grant
and it's not scarcity mindset.
Look, we're going through food
at an exponential rate, yeah.
You, you remember that massive tub of peanut butter?
You said it was gonna last forever.
- Mm-hm.
- That's gone, yeah.
Where do you think it's gone.
- What?
Oh, God, there's so
much food. Look, chill.
- Look, Grant, can I give you a little bit of advice?
Scarcity mindset is all perspective, isn't it?
Right, like for example, this to you
looks like a nine, doesn't it?
- Yep.
- Right, but to me,
that's a six, hm.
- Oh, my God, he's right.
- Right, wow, thank you.
Thank you for that mind blowing revelation.
- Well, Grant, I'd just like to say
that we think you've built an excellent bunker,
and however you choose to
ration the food is fine by us.
- Oh yes, hear, hear, we're ever so grateful,
and if we overstay our welcome at all,
all you've got to do is tell us.
- Yeah, monkey, don't worry.
If we need food, we can always
go to the house and get some.
- No, no, no, we can't leave the bunker, okay.
You saw what it's like out there.
Last night, I heard people screaming outside.
- Ah, ah, ah, were they people screaming
or were they
foxes shagging?
But look, if it helps you relax,
then I'm happy to go and check the house.
- Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah,
that's fine, that's a good idea.
- Zucky, I'll go with you
and we can have a little scavenger hunt.
- No, absolutely not, no way.
- What?
- No, I'm not letting my sister risk her life to go and-
- Oh, but it's okay to let my little Zucky risk his?
- Yeah, no, that's not, not what I'm saying.
I'm saying if something did happen,
at least it would only be, you know, him.
- You know that we're gonna have to leave this bunker
at some point, don't you?
- Actually, if we ration very carefully,
I think you'll find we'll actually-
- Oh, my God, at some point, the poo hole is gonna fill up.
- Well, I did dig it very deep, so.
- Oh, Grant, this sounds like classic you,
classic scaredy cat.
- No, I'm not being a scaredy cat.
- Meow!
- No, Kat, it's not-
- Meow!
- That's not what this is.
Don't do that.
- Oh, scaredy cat.
- No, no, you don't.
Me being a scaredy cat, this is actually.
- [Kat And Nina] Meow!
- Sorry, it's just a really fun sound.
- Listen, you stay here in your little man cave
and Zucky and I will go up and forage.
Come on, Zucky.
- [Grant] No, I, (sighing).
- Hey.
It's okay to be scared, Grants.
We all get scared sometimes.
- I told you, it's already started.
- Oh yeah, yeah, absolutely, you're right, yeah.
(background people chattering)
What's already started?
- Oh, when the supply starts run out,
who do you think will be the
first to be kicked out of here?
Won't be his family or their little partners,
it'll be their needy little neighbours,
who snuck in at the last minute.
- Oh no, no, no. I really don't
think they're gonna do that.
- Must do, we have to sleep on the cold hard floor,
while they get the cosy bunk beds.
- Yeah, well, it is their bunker, so it feels only right
that they get to sleep on the beds.
- Ssh! They can't know that
we're planning anything.
- Oh yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah.
(background people chattering)
How are we planning it?
- Ssh, Paul!
Act normal.
- [Grant] All right, you're in charge, you're in charge.
You're the train meister.
- That's right,
I'm in charge, I'm the train meister?
- [Grant] You're the train meister, choo choo!
- [Nina] And I'm here to win, choo choo choo choo!
- [Grant] Choo choo choo!
- Come on, everyone, let's finish the game.
- Yes. Oh, it's my turn with the bike.
- Oh, my God, babe, no.
The least we can do is make ourselves useful.
- Oh, thank you.
- You're so welcome.
Paul.
- Oh yeah, rightio.
(mellow melodic music)
(mellow melodic music continues)
So hold your horses, hold your men
It's not your turn, I'll tell you when
Stop, join cards, you're lost again
You already had a perfect 10
We were never really here, darling
You were hiding from
your fear, darling
You are never really here, darling
You are risker of the year, darling
You are never really here, darling
You are
(mellow melodic music)
(mellow melodic music continues)
- Kat!
(soft ominous music)
Kat?
(soft tense music)
(soft intense music)
(door clicking)
(soft intense music)
- You just won it, you just won it.
- Well, count it again.
- No.
- Count it again.
- I counted it right.
- [Kat] Do we have to do every single thing together?
- [Zuck] Yes, my darling,
but that is what a relationship is.
- Oh, so why don't we just sew ourselves together
and then we'll never have to spend a second apart.
- [Grant] Oh, my God, I was so worried.
- Oh, God, not you as well.
It's too much to ask for a bit of breathing room?
- What happened? You were gone for ages.
- Yeah, what's going on out there?
- Well, we would've been back a lot sooner,
had somebody not gone missing.
- You went missing?
- No, I didn't.
- Vanished without a trace.
- Okay, go on, you tell the story.
- Okay, fine, I will.
Well, I went down to look for supplies
and Kat said she was gonna come and join me.
I'm looking for a good 20 minutes or so
and the house has been utterly pillaged,
I'm not really finding anything.
- The house has been robbed?
- Oh yeah, it's completely ransacked.
But then I realised that Kat is nowhere to be seen.
So I call up the stairs, I say,
"Sweetheart, are you okay?"
No response, so naturally panic sets in.
I do a quick scan around the
house, leave the front door
to see if she's out on the
street, everything's deserted,
apart from a couple of fat-looking foxes.
So I rush back inside the
house beside myself with worry,
and I can hear something upstairs.
So I go back up the stairs, and guess what I find?
- I was having a bath.
- She was having a bath.
- What?
- I didn't wanna tell you,
because I knew you'd want to join me.
- I would've loved to have joined you.
- Exactly, and in normal circumstances,
that would've been lovely.
But after six days in a bloody bunker,
I don't think it's a crime to want some alone times.
- Wait, what about the people?
- Yeah, where is everybody?
- Well, after the whole bath betrayal,
we really didn't feel like exploring much, so.
- Yeah, it was a rubbish bath as well.
The power's out, so it was tepid as shit.
The tank was almost empty, so
it was only about this full.
It was bloody tragic.
- You used the last of the water for a lukewarm bath?
- Well, if we had both been in the bath together,
then our body heat would've made it warmer
and it would've also felt more full.
- Shut up about the bath!
What is going on out there?
- Did you at least like send out an SOS or something?
- Well, the phone lines are dead, the internet's cut off.
There's no bloody signal.
I mean, we were gonna go to a shop,
but then something bit Zucky on the leg,
so we decided to go back.
- Something bit you?
- You decided to go back.
- What bit you?
- Well, you're a grown adult, Zucky,
I'm not gonna tell you what to do.
- I understand that, my love, but it would be nice
if we could make more of these decisions-
- What bit you?
- I don't know, something jumped out the hedge.
It was gone in a flash.
It gave me a little nip.
(sudden ominous music)
Ugh!
(supplies popping)
(Grant groaning)
- I don't get it.
When do I take my character to the gas station?
- On phase three of your turn,
but that isn't your character, that's a zombie.
You see how it looks very much like a zombie,
whereas you are playing as
Esteban the fireman, yeah?
You see how he is dressed like a fireman, yeah?
- Can we just play something simple like Rodent Trap?
- I love Rodent Trap.
- Kat, look at the size of your bite compared to Nina.
- Oh, nah nah nah!
- Look, nah nah nah!
Look, what part of rationing don't you understand?
Okay, this, that's a standard bite, yeah.
If it hits your molars, you've gone too far.
- "Rations, rations, rations,"
you sound like a bloody parrot.
- It's one biscuit every other round, okay.
- Anyone want a top up?
- Hm, yeah, just a little one, thanks.
Look, guys, this is actually a very simple game,
once it gets started.
- Well, it doesn't sound very simple,
like what's with these phases,
like dissection, non-dissection,
and about one of us being a secret betrayer?
- What? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't like, I don't like that rule.
- No, it just means that if we suspect someone
of being a betrayer, then we have to exile them for-
- Exile? No, no, no, no.
I thought you said this was a cooperative game, yeah?
We're all working together.
Why would one of us ever try to betray-
- Paul, you silly sausage,
let Grant finish explaining the rules of the game.
- Yeah, it just means we need to be wary
of anyone acting suspiciously, okay.
But the most important thing
is that we stop the infection
from getting back to the colony.
- Hey, pumpkin.
- Zucky, get back to bed, you need to rest.
- Yeah, I just need to keep moving
and burn this fever out of me.
- Sweetheart.
- Hm?
- As a doctor, as a qualified medical professional,
I am telling you, that is just gonna exhaust you.
What you need is some antibiotics and sleep.
- Yeah, yeah, sure.
Well, I'll just realign my chakras and see how I feel.
- Yeah, sure, you do what you want.
- Hey, Grant.
- Hey.
(soft tense music)
(stamp thudding)
- So when can Esteban
take his fuel card to the gas station?
- Why would you bring fuel
cards to the gas station, yeah?
The whole point of the gas station
is to bring fuel cards from there back to the colony.
And much more importantly,
you're not gonna take any
fuel cards anywhere with him,
because that's a zombie, yeah.
You're not playing as a zombie,
you're playing as Esteban the fireman,
who is dressed as a fireman.
(Zuck coughing)
(skipping rope tapping)
Okay, I'm sorry, but there's a reason
why I wanted to play this game.
(Zuck coughing)
(skipping rope tapping)
- Zucky, for Christ's sake, rest yourself.
- It's working.
I can feel the universe burning the fever out of me.
- Sweetheart, that is not how biology works.
- With all due respect, (coughing)
they don't teach you this stuff in medical school.
- Yeah, no, you're right, they don't.
Okay, well, if you want some antibiotics,
they're over in the medical bag, yeah.
- What if antibiotics don't quite cut it?
- What do you mean?
- I mean, we don't know what's wrong with him
and how it relates to what's going on up there,
so what if antibiotics don't cut it?
- Don't be so ridiculous, okay,
he's just got a little bit of an infection
from where that thing bit him.
- That's what I'm saying.
- He'll be fine with some antibiotics and rest.
Oh, I'm getting another one.
- No, Kat, no.
- I can't do this.
- You don't have to do anything,
just sit there and be chill.
- It's deceit, I can't do it, it's making me sweat.
- You're not deceiving anyone.
- Yes, but I know that you're deceiving them.
- Stop being so self-righteous.
All I'm trying to do is overload them
with a little bit of caffeine,
so they have a teeny tiny panic attack.
- No, I don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear it.
- They get all overwhelmed
and they have to go upstairs for some fresh air.
- No, no, no, please, no, no.
- Whilst they're there.
- No, no, no, no.
- We lock them out and steal their little bunker.
- Please, Lindsey,
I'm sweating like a giant block of cheese.
- Stop, you look gross.
Just chill out and lay off the coffee.
- Okay, but I-
- I swear to Jesus Christ, if you mess this up,
I will give you something to sweat about.
More coffee, anyone?
- Yes, please.
- I'm fine.
- Yeah, sure, just a tiny one, thanks.
- Grant.
- Yeah, no, okay, I shouldn't.
- He's really sensitive to caffeine.
- I'll just stick with this one, thanks.
- Well, it's all cold now, so let me heat it up for you.
- Yeah, sure, thanks, it's very kind.
- Okay, okay, okay, so I move Esteban?
- Yeah, so it's not your-
- No, no, no, no.
No to the gas station, no, no, no.
I take him to the hospital,
where I'm gonna drop all my medical cards.
- "Oh, Esteban, you big sexy fireman.
Are you here to save me?"
- "Oh, hello.
Yes, I've come to save you.
"You are safe with me. Don't
you worry about anything."
- "Oh, you are so brave."
- "You are so sexy."
- "Oh, thank you so much, you sexy man."
- [Nina] "Come with me, let's run away."
- [Kat] "I would love to.
- [Nina] "Let's run away
from here to the mountains."
(soft tense music)
- "Now we're running."
- "Esteban, I've come home from working really hard
nine to five in the office.
Esteban."
- "My wife."
- "(gasps) We're naked."
- [Lindsey] "Esteban, how could you?
Who is this tart covered in jam?"
- They are completely missing the point
of why I wanted to play this game.
- Is it just me, or are the
walls getting closer together?
- "Oh, kiss."
- "Kiss."
(sudden ominous music)
- Jesus!
- Oh, my God, look at you.
All that frolicking around
has made you 10 times worse.
- I actually feel much better.
- Really? 'Cause you look awful.
- Oh, look, oh, she's as messy as she is cruel.
(Kat laughing)
- Zucky!
- Put the arm down and step away from my sister!
(soft tense music)
- My God, Grant, what's gotten into you?
- We don't know what's going on out there, yeah?
We don't know what bit Zuck
and we can't afford to take any chances, okay.
So Zuck, I'm sorry,
but you're gonna have to leave the bunker.
- Look guys, as a therapist,
I can recognise when someone's
having a panic attack.
Why don't you all take Grant
upstairs to get some fresh air?
- No, no, we can't leave the bunker!
- It's fine, me and Paul will stay here
and look after the bunker.
- No, I can't stay here, I think I need some fresh air.
- No, silly, you don't need fresh air.
- Yes, I do.
- No, you don't,
they're the ones that need fresh air.
- No, I'm the one that needs fresh air,
I think I'm having a heart attack.
- (laughs) Oh, you silly goose.
I told you to lay off the coffee.
- Paul, I must say, you are acting very suspiciously.
- Yeah, I think I might have an idea who the betrayer is.
- What? No, no, no, no, it's not me.
See, look at my cards, look, see, no betrayer cards.
You've got to believe me, you've got to believe me.
Exile me, exile me now before it's too late enough.
- Enough!
Something's not right.
I, I think it's the infection.
I-I can feel it, I've got it.
- Hey, monkey, monkey, calm, do the breathing.
(both breathing deeply)
- [Zuck] That's it, Grant?
Yes, stay with the breath. Yeah, breathe.
(Zuck breathing wheezily)
(soft tense music)
Stay with the breath
now. (breathing wheezily)
(Zuck vomiting)
(soft tense music)
(shovel clanking)
(all gasping)
(Zuck thudding to floor)
(light melodic music)
The weeks go by
- No, no, no, no, no, no, I said it's like a flower,
a nice pretty flower.
- A daisy, a daffodil?
- A pretty flower, it, it blooms in spring.
- A rose, a peony, lily?
- Blooms in spring!
Okay, opposite of low is?
- High, hyacinth!
- Yes, yes, yes!
So think of like a cow, but with like long hair.
- Right, yeah, okay, yeah.
- So what is it then?
- Oh, er, bison.
- A bison?
How many long-haired bison
have you seen, Zucky? Think.
- Time.
- It was a yak.
We got three.
Oh, my poor Zucky Ducky.
You've given him brain damage.
- I don't have brain damage, my love.
It's just very hard to think
when you keep shouting at me.
- No, Zucky, take responsibility
for your shortcomings.
- I, I do take responsibility, I, I- - Take it.
- Yeah.
- It's yours, not mine.
You know bison don't have long hair.
- Okay, I take that and I accept that, I do know that.
I'm just very hungry right now.
- Yeah, we're all hungry.
This rationing has gotten ridiculous.
- Yeah, well, I told you weeks ago-
- Don't "I told you so" me, this is ridiculous.
We can't live off one cereal bar every other day.
- Well, we wouldn't be in this position if some people
hadn't scoffed all the food in the first week.
- Hey guys, don't worry, I'm working on it.
- Yeah, but Nina, that's not gonna...
- Yes?
- Nevermind.
- Don't worry, it's gonna be okay.
Just keep playing, keep having fun
and tell me when it's my go.
- Yeah, guys, let's not let the food shortages
turn us into a bunch
of animals. (laughing)
Right, Paul, best listening ears on.
- Oh.
- Okay, so you're on geography, and go.
- Okay, so this one is like, really famous.
- Um...
The River Nile?
- For God's sake, no. Pass.
Okay, so this one is like a city in India.
- New Delhi.
Er, Mumbai.
Calcutta.
- No, no, no,
it's like a city, India, with elephants and stuff.
- Oh, Bangalore.
Er, er, Hyderabad.
Jaipur.
- No, city, India! Pass.
- No, only one pass.
- Oh, for God's sakes! Paul, India.
- Er, Kanpur.
- India!
- Surat.
- India!
- Niryat.
- India!
- Akola, Akola!
- Time!
- Oh, for God's sakes, Paul.
It was Sri Lanka, you idiot.
- Okay, come on, Nines, it's our turn.
- [Nina] Yay.
- Oh, okay, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Be careful with that, you could hurt someone.
- It's the only pole I could find.
Okay, who wants to hold it while I have my go?
- I'll hold it for you, babe.
- Thank you.
- Oh, Paul?
- Yep.
- Okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I mean, we can't just leave the hatch open, okay.
Anything might crawl in.
- How am I gonna catch our food then?
- Yeah, okay, here's the thing.
I think your ingenuity is great,
but it's not gonna work, is it?
- It might, I put all the old bread at the back.
- A bird isn't just gonna fly into your bucket, Nina.
- It might, if it wants some bread.
- It's not even that long.
I mean, you, you're more likely to catch a badger.
- I'm sure you could still eat a badger.
- No, I'm not saying that, I-I'm saying-
- You can eat anything with flesh.
- Yeah, I agree with Grant, I don't think murdering
poor birds and badgers is the solution.
- Look, I've got no issue with that.
My-my point is that there isn't gonna be-
- I mean, would any of us even know
how to gut and clean a bird?
- Er, excuse me, seven years at medical school.
I think I could dissect a pigeon.
- But there aren't gonna be any pigeons to dissect!
- What's your solution then?
At least Nina's trying to solve the problem.
- Rationing, okay, rationing.
If we very strictly ration, have a little bit today,
a little bit tomorrow,
you've got a lot more than you think you have.
- We don't need rationing, we just need more food.
But you won't let us leave the bunker,
because you're too much of a-
- If you call me a scaredy cat, I swear to God, I will-
- See, this is why I build my bird trap.
You're so stressed about food all the time,
that you're not fun to play games with anymore.
- Nina, I-I, I'm just trying to say-
- You are, you're sucking all the fun out of everything.
(Nina sucking air loudly)
- Well, yeah, but I mean, we're on the brink of starvation.
- Grants.
- Like, I-I don't think
it's that unreasonable.
- Grants, Grants.
Karma is like a boomerang,
in order to get it back, you,
you've gotta let it go.
- He's right, just let it go.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, you're right.
I'll try and put it out of my mind.
- At least until the end of the game.
- Yeah, yeah, of course. I'm sorry.
Okay?
- Okay.
- I'm gonna try and not think about it.
- Okay.
- All right, you ready?
All right, so it's um, it's a food.
You get it in between two pieces of bread, McDonald's.
- Hamburgers!
- Yeah, there we go.
Very good.
- Yeah.
- Oh, okay, actor and he
is in "The Hollow Man."
And he does phone adverts.
- Er...
- His second name's something
you have for breakfast, it's-
- [Nina] Oh, Bacon, Kevin Bacon!
- Yes, yeah, it's Bacon, um...
Oh God, um, okay, so it's a Eastern European country.
- Ah, Poland?
- No.
- Ah, Slovakia.
- No, okay, oh, okay.
It's like, "Oh, how am I feeling?"
- [Nina] Hungary!
- Yeah, feeling a bit Hungary, yeah, okay.
Oh, one of these in Ireland.
Yeah, one of these in Ireland, um, really bad event.
The Great Potato?
- No potato, potato mash.
- No, it was the-
- Potato salad!
- It was the Great Potato-
- Potato mash.
- It was a bad thing.
- Potato fries.
- It was a bad thing. - Potato... - No.
- Sandwich.
- Okay, no, I'm sorry, I just can't do this.
- No, no, we're doing so good.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but this is,
we can't just ignore this.
You're right, we're gonna
have to do something drastic.
- I've just had a really good idea.
You know how you four are
like really clever cookies?
Well, why don't you go hunting for some supplies
and me and this thicko will
stay here and watch the bunker?
- Yeah, look, Lindsey, there's no way we're gonna do that,
because if we leave you in here,
you're just gonna lock us out and leave us to die.
- What?
That's crazy. (laughs)
What makes you say that?
- We've heard you say it like a gazillion times.
- Yeah, the bunker is really small.
- And you whisper really loudly.
- And we're all literally sitting right here.
- (laughing) You're crazy, you're all crazy.
Paul, tell them how crazy they are.
- You're all crazy.
- Yeah, well, either way,
you're definitely coming
with us on the raiding party.
- Raiding party?
- Does that mean?
- Yeah,
we're gonna have to leave the bunker to look for food.
(trays clattering)
(tape ripping)
(soft ominous music)
- You look like a bloody idiot.
- Come on, my love, this is ridiculous.
Of course I'm coming.
- Zucky Ducky, no,
I am not having you get any more injuries.
- Sweetness, they're minor scrapes.
- Yeah and they're annoying and you always do it.
You go off gallivanting, hurting yourself
and I'm the one who has to pick up the pieces.
- Darling, please, not this again.
- Like when we went canoeing in Canada
and you dislocated your shoulder.
- Okay, yeah.
- I was just rowing us
around in circles, wasn't I?
It was rubbish.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And when we went up Kilimanjaro
and you sprained your ankle,
that poor little Sherpa man
just had to carry you up on his back.
- Okay, fine, but-
- And when you shat yourself
on our anniversary horseback ride.
- Okay, fine!
- Look, you just stay here where it's nice and safe, yeah?
- What? No, what, what
are you talking about?
- Well, just I'm coming too.
- Why?
- Because I need things to build a better bird trap,
like some net or some like acorn for bait.
- Yeah, but Nina, if we find food,
we're not gonna need a bird trap, are we?
- Well, yes, we will.
You give someone food and they eat for a day,
but you teach someone how to fish for birds
and they eat forever.
- Yeah, okay, I can see your logic.
- You need to be very careful when you're going
and make sure that you don't
get, you know, falling over
or see any bumps or scratches.
You've just got to stay away from it all,
'cause I don't wanna have to disinfect anything
when I get back, okay?
Also, if you manage to see anything
that looks a little bit like hay fever medicine,
I would really appreciate it
just because I'm getting an-
- They think they've got it all sussed,
but let's just see what happens
on this little excursion.
When I get back, be ready for action.
- [Paul] Lindsey, please, no, Lindsey.
Lindsey!
(gentle melodic music)
(gentle melodic music continues)
(gentle melodic music continues)
(soft tense music)
- Oh, Paul, I'm worried things aren't gonna work out
with my beautiful Kitty Kat.
- Listen, Zuck, I-I can't hold it in a second longer, okay.
Grant is right, Lindsey is
planning on betraying you
and stealing the bunker.
- Hm.
- Oh.
- I love her to pieces, you know,
but I think she's grown tired of me.
- Did, did you hear what I said?
- Hm, yeah, yeah, part of me does think
she's happy the world ended,
just so she didn't have to go ahead with our wedding.
- Zucky, are you listening?
- Hm.
- Yeah?
I said that Lindsey's going to betray you.
She's gonna do something terrible.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right, maybe it's me.
Maybe I'm too clingy, but I
feel her slipping away, Paul,
and it terrifies me.
- Jesus, Zuck, how self-absorbed are you?
- Do you know what I mean?
Like, obviously I still love him,
but it is kind of nice to get some space, you know.
- Ssh!
- To be honest, I'm actually kind of glad
that the wedding didn't go ahead.
Not that I wanna split up with him or anything, but-
- Ssh!
- But like you can love someone,
but still want some space,
you know what I mean?
Like, I feel like with Zucky, like,
he wants us to like merge into one person
and that can be a bit kind of sweet at the same time.
He's always like- - Shut up.
- Rude.
(sudden ominous music)
- Yeah, that's how we met, funnily enough,
in A&E, I'd fractured my collarbone doing yoga
and she was the doctor that saw me.
- Zuck!
Listen to me.
You are all in grave danger!
- Yeah, it's a cute story, I know.
(mellow melodic music)
(mellow melodic music continues)
(mellow melodic music continues)
(mellow melodic music continues)
(guitar thudding)
(gentle tense music)
(all screaming)
Yeah, we were gonna go for
this Bohemian style ceremony
initially, flower garlands, eucalyptus grounds.
There was this Amazonian shaman that I was gonna-
(hammer clanking)
God, Paul, what is all that ruckus about?
- Oh, thank God.
Listen, I've been trying to tell you about Lindsey.
- Oh God, you're not still banging on
about Lindsey, are you?
Some of us have got our own
relationships to worry about.
- No, no, mine and Lindsey's relationship is fine.
What I'm trying to say is-
- Come off it, Paul.
Well, she treats you terribly.
- What, Lindsey? (laughing)
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Look, she just understands
you need a firm hand with me.
I mean, yeah, she can be a bit strict, sure.
- Look, Paul, it's really not my place to say,
but I think if you were a little more assertive.
You know what?
I think I've got this book
lying around somewhere for you.
- Listen, Zuck, I appreciate
your concern, but honestly,
mine and Lindsey's relationship
is perfectly balanced.
I mean, she's a relationship
counsellor, for Christ's sake,
I think she'd tell me if something wasn't right.
- Now, take it with a pinch of salt,
but there's definitely a few gems in here.
(soft ethereal choir music)
- Nothing? You, you guys
must have something.
- That's why we came out here, to look for food.
- (laughing) That's good.
- Yeah, we're trying to find some supplies.
(Elliot laughing)
- What's so funny?
- This girl, supplies.
There's nothing left.
- Nothing?
How did it get like this?
- I don't know, really, um, some sort of cyber terrorism
knocked out all our infrastructure,
missiles were launched.
Boo!
(Elliot imitating explosions)
Riots.
Chaos.
Darkness.
And then...
The foxes.
- Foxes?
- Ssh!
I swear to God, they know when
you're talking about them.
- What about the F, foxes?
- Okay, so I think these orange little demons
evolved especially for an event like this.
They came out shyly at first,
tickled their tongues on a few corpses,
but then when they had the taste of human flesh.
- That's ridiculous.
- "That is ridiculous."
Was it ridiculous when I watched the love of my life
get torn limb from limb by a hungry pack?
(gentle guitar music)
Bruce thought it was ridiculous too.
(gentle guitar music)
120 kilos, he was, hulk of a man.
"What's a little fox
gonna do to me?" He said.
I swear to God, they looked me dead in the eyes
as they went at him, as
if to say, "You're next."
The thing about foxes, he's got lifeless eyes,
black eyes, like a doll's eyes.
When he comes at you, he doesn't even seem to be living,
until he bites you.
And then those black eyes roll over white.
- That's from "Jaws."
- No, it's, it's not.
- Yeah, yeah, that's
from the movie, "Jaws."
- No, it's, that was, I made that up on the spot
to talk about my experience.
- Yeah, she's right, that is "Jaws" word for word.
- Yeah, we love that movie.
- It doesn't matter if it's from "Jaws," okay.
All that matters is that
these little orange demons
are the new apex predators.
And they're not gonna stop. (laughing)
Not until they've devoured each and every
last one of us.
- Yeah, you know, I have to say,
there's some interesting stuff in here.
- Sure, I mean, I'm not saying
you should take it as gospel,
but there's definitely a few nuggets of wisdom
in there that- (object thudding)
Sorry, I thought, look, that bit that you're on there
about reclaiming your primitive dominance.
- Yeah, really interesting actually, yeah.
- Sure, exactly, it's not saying
that you need to be a bully, as such,
but you know, as a man, it's in our primal nature to hunt.
- Yeah.
- And to fight.
- Okay.
- You know, go on, give me a grr!
- Oh, okay, um, grr!
- No, Paul, a proper grr!
- Grr!
- Paul, from the loins, grr!
- Grr!
- Grr!
- Grr!
- Grr!
- Grr!
(fox snarling)
(both screaming)
(bite crunching)
(both shrieking)
(book thudding)
(Zuck shrieking)
(fox thudding)
(both shrieking)
(fox snarling)
(Zuck shrieking)
(hammer thudding repeatedly)
- "How do you survive?"
I've got news for you, sister, you ain't!
Goner, you ain't gonna survive, okay.
This is it, the end of days
- Oh, don't be so overdramatic.
- There must be some stored food or something.
- Hm-hm-hm-hm-hm.
Nada, zip, zilch.
Unless you get to one of those military bases,
you're a goner.
- Military bases?
- Yeah, what military bases?
- Well, the nearest one's in Chesham,
just off the A10 next to Waltham Abbey.
You turn left at the BP garage,
keep the laurel hedge on your right
and if you hit the lay-by, you've gone too far.
- Why haven't you gone there?
- Go to Chesham on foot?
With all the... Foxes?
No, no, no, no, it's too dangerous, no, it's suicide.
Plus I'm too far gone, too used to living as prey.
- We've got a bunker.
- Nina.
- We may as well tell him.
- Yeah, poor man's out here on his own.
- Yes, but it's a very full bunker,
even slightly overcrowded.
- Yeah, we've got a bunker.
There's two more of us guarding it.
- Smart, underground, that's
the only place that's safe now.
- But we've run out of food.
- If we take you with us,
would you help us go to the military base?
- Oh, hm. (laughing nervously)
Hm, I don't know.
- What have you got to lose?
- Okay, well, that means there'd be seven of us, right?
Okay, safety in numbers, I guess.
I mean, if we left during
daylight and stuck to open spaces.
Yeah, okay, I'll do it.
And with my military experience,
we might just have a chance.
- Wait, you're a military man?
- Ex-military. Well, I was
in the cadets at school.
But let me tell you, I've been
a Scout Leader long enough
to know the difference between
a fisherman's knot and-
(fox snarling)
(all screaming)
(flesh squelching)
(all screaming)
(soft tense music)
(tense orchestral music)
(fox snarling)
- Who left the hatch open?
Go, go, go!
(fox snarling)
(dramatic orchestral music)
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
(fox snarling)
(dramatic orchestral music)
(hatch door thudding)
(Zuck sobbing)
- Zucky, what happened?
- This little guy just fell into the bunker.
- It's okay, you had no choice.
(Zuck sobbing)
What's happened to your hand?
- Oh, now, Kitty Kat, don't be angry.
But the beast did take a little chunk out of me.
- No. How are you gonna give massages?
- He was right, those little bastards are deadly.
- Who was right? What happened?
Did you find any food?
(soft intense music)
While we're underneath
the ground, babe
Why don't you help me
play another round, babe
Another round and I'll leave you be
'Cause one more round
is gonna set us free
We're playing board games
At the end of the world
(mellow melodic music)
- Paul, what are you doing? It's our go.
- My leg healthy?
- Because it gives you
the energy that you need.
- Coming, sweet cheeks.
- [Zuck] I'm a person, I did my level two.
- [Kat] Oh, did you, did you, when did that happen?
(hammer tapping)
- At Fitness First.
- Okay, at Fitness First.
- Yes.
- I didn't get the time.
- Did they teach you that
at PT training as well?
- Let's dance.
(die clattering)
Yes!
That's what you get, that's what you get
for messing with Paul Perkins. (laughing)
- You made your point. Now stop,
no more, please stay there.
- [Kat] Oh yeah, what person does that?
- It's all about presence.
- It's so annoying.
Please just go away.
- Prepare for total annihilation.
- Must we really play such a violent game?
Oh, that's annoying as well, is it, my pacifism?
- Come on, guys, let's just
all play nice together please.
- Yes, Nina, I agree, we should be playing nicely,
which is why it would be nice
after all this bloodshed,
if we could play something a little more humane.
(hammer tapping)
- What is inhumane about a family board game, Zuck?
- Does anybody mind if I have
the last of Zuck's fingers?
- No, thank you.
- No, that's okay.
- No, you go for it.
At least some good will come of them.
- Knock yourself out.
I'm sorry, you're right.
I shouldn't be infringing on your fun, I just,
well, I'm having a harder time.
(books thudding)
(hammer tapping)
I'm having a harder time clinging onto my sanity!
Than the rest of you are, I
just, I need to recenter myself.
Please, you guys go ahead.
(Zuck breathing deeply)
- [Nina] No, Paul, not Mongolia.
(Paul laughing)
(hammer tapping)
- It's a funny thing, these fingers, isn't it?
You'd think they just fill a hole, but if anything,
they just make you more ravenous.
(Zuck inhaling and whistling)
(hammer tapping)
(die clattering)
- Aha, I got China!
It's mine now.
One more time.
(die clattering)
(Zuck inhaling and whistling)
(hammer tapping)
- Right, because if you're still feeling all blah,
I'd much rather you just got some Valium
from the medical bag.
- Sorry, rather than what?
- Rather than (inhaling and whistling).
- My breathing?
You would rather me take Valium than breathe?
- Zucky darling, my sweet angel,
it is piercing my eardrums.
- Oh, well, I'm sorry, honey,
if my PTSD is too loud for you,
then I will just add breathing
to the list of things not to do in your presence.
(hammer clattering)
- I have to break up the table.
- What?
- Yeah, I need the wood
for my barricade, I need to break up the table.
- No, what will we play games on?
- What we gonna eat on?
- What we gonna eat on?
Well, we don't really have to worry about that, sis,
because the last thing we've
got to eat in the whole world
is this little tin of peaches.
So I've resigned myself to the fact
that we're gonna starve to death,
'cause I absolutely refuse to be eaten alive
by man-eating foxes.
So can we please clear the table,
so I can finish my barricade?
- Grants, Grants, Grants, young Padawan,
how many times?
The walls that we build
to protect us from the darkness.
Well, they can also block us from the light.
- Nothing, nothing, that's what you contribute here,
absolutely nothing, just
empty, meaningless cliches.
- Breathe, Grants, breathe.
- It's Grant, it's Grant, yeah!
No S, it's Grant!
So stop telling me to breathe,
you vacuous hippie man child!
- [Zuck] Grant, please regain the breath.
- I shall be the angriest man in the room!
- (sighing) Okay, let's all calm down please.
- Excellent idea, Nina, I think
we should all just need to.
(Zuck breathing deeply)
You know what?
I'm gonna meditate over there
and trust that the universe
will provide us with a solution.
- Okay, come here, come here.
- Okay.
- Hey, look, Paul has just taken Mongolia.
- Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I see how that's happened.
- Yeah.
- What you've done
is you've spread yourself a
bit thin across the board.
- I always do that.
- Yeah, so what what you wanna do
is kind of bring your troops kind of back to Asia.
- Oh.
- What am I doing?
What am I doing? There's
absolutely no time for games.
- Oh, come on, you never have time for games anymore.
It's just more and more and more breaking things,
banging, moan!
- Yeah, to be fair, Grant,
you really have been sucking all the fun
out of the apocalypse.
- Yes and now you wanna take away the games table,
the last thing that is connecting us
to our lives before this, no, I say no!
- How am I the bad guy here?
I literally saved all of our lives.
- Well, yes, but that doesn't give you reason
to be a miserable, fun thief.
- So what do you propose we do?
- I propose we go to the military base in Chestnut!
- Chesham.
- Chesham.
- Yeah, it's not actually that far from here.
- No, no, you saw what it's like out there,
it's absolute certain death.
- Yeah, but one of us could go and send help.
- [Grant] Oh yeah.
Who's gonna volunteer for that suicide mission?
(soft intense music)
- I shall go.
- What, Paul?
- Wow!
You'd do that for us?
- That's very brave.
- What if you die?
- Better to die free than to live in a cage?
- Wow.
(all applauding)
- Paul!
- Yes, Paul!
(all applauding)
- Paul!
- Paul!
- Paul!
(all applauding)
- [All] Paul!
- Go Paul, go, yes, Paul!
- [All] Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul!
Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul!
Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul!
Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul!
- Yes, I'm power!
I am man!
(all applauding and cheering)
- No!
- Ah, ah, ah!
Oh.
Oh, dear.
- What have you done?
- I do apologise.
I don't quite know what came over me.
It's just that Zuck gave me
this book about masculinity,
you see and I- (book thudding)
- You ate the last food.
- Yes, no, well, I did get a bit carried, didn't I?
- Well, you'd better hurry to that military base
and get them to rescue us quickly,
'cause we're gonna be dead in days now.
- Yes, yes, yes.
Yes, yes.
No, well, yes, no, yes.
- Well, come on, chop chop.
- Yes, no, it's just that obviously,
now that the adrenaline has
sort of gone away and stuff.
- You're not going, are you?
- I just don't think I'm the right person for the job.
- Great, that's great,
Paul. What do we do now?
- Guys!
I've got it!
I know how we can get a message to the military base.
It just came to me in a flash of divine inspiration.
I knew the universe would- (barricade thudding)
(objects clattering)
- For God's sake, I'll go.
With Paul, obviously.
- Really?
- Yes.
- Oh, well, my mistake, everyone,
looks like I will be going after all.
- Lindsey, are you being serious?
Is this some kind of scheme to steal the bunker?
- Oh yes, that's it, I'm gonna steal the bunker
by leaving it, thicko.
The truth is, I feel bad, okay.
You let us into your little bunker,
your leechy little neighbours,
and how do we repay you?
We tried to steal the bunker.
And not only that, when the food started to run out,
I kind of.
(supplies clattering)
- Peanut butter!
- Oh, gimme, gimme, gimme.
- Just, guys, guys, just because there's lots
doesn't mean that we need to, we just need to, ah, oh, hm.
Oh, my God, mm!
Lindsey, why would you do this?
- Because I can't help it, okay.
I'm selfish.
It's how I was raised.
When I was growing up,
I wasn't surrounded by love like you were.
I was surrounded by...
Parents.
(light melodic music)
Mummy, Daddy, please can I have?
- Lindsey, sweetie, please, no more.
- Please, Mummy and Daddy, I just want to-
- No, sweetie, you've got enough.
- Why?
- Lindsey, sweetie, please.
- But Mummy and Daddy, why can I not have?
I just want a- - No, Lindsey, we can't afford it.
- We had to remortgage the house.
- Enough.
- No.
- Stop.
- Can't.
- Shan't.
- Won't.
- N-O, Lindsey.
- It was torture.
But you are all so kind to us.
I guess I wanted to be kind back.
So whatever, the chances are, we won't even make it,
but if we do, we'll send help.
- I, um, I don't know what to say.
- Don't say anything then, just open the bunker.
Come on, Paul.
- Rightio.
Toodle pip.
- It takes a big person to admit all of that, Lindsey.
Thank you.
- Yeah, um, I, I never would've, um.
Yeah, thanks, thank you.
- Yeah, thank you.
I really, really hope you don't get eaten by the foxes.
- Oh, whoa, hey, hey, hey, are you okay?
Are you okay?
- Oh, she's fine, guys.
- Okay, yeah, I'm okay.
- Yeah?
Whoa!
- Oh!
- Stop fussing, fussy little... Fuss.
- Kat?
- What's going on?
(soft tense music)
- Wakey wakey.
Somebody's a little bit
sensitive to Valium this morning.
- [Grant] What, what's going on?
- We finally get to play Rodent Trap.
- I really am terribly sorry about all this.
- [Grant] What's he doing?
- Just finishing off the last piece of the trap.
(sudden ominous music)
- What the hell is that?
- Guys, be careful, that looks really dangerous.
- Move me out of the way,
move me out of the way this instant.
- Yeah, could we also be repositioned as well, please?
- Sure, how can I help?
- If you could just shuffle me a little bit this way?
- [Paul] Yeah.
- Yes, just a little bit more.
- [Paul] Okay, yeah.
- A little more.
- Oh, for God's sake, why don't you just say it,
you want us to separate?
- Fine, yes, I want to separate.
- Okay, well, there we go then.
So separate in physical proximity
or, or in our relationship?
Could be-
- Paul, could you please
move me 90 degrees this way?
- Right, real mature.
- Look, can you two,
Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey, what's happening here?
- Well, basically, I found a way to fix
the food shortage problem that
also fixes the overcrowding.
- That's so clever.
- Please don't say what I think you're gonna say.
- Well, basically, we just eat you.
That way, population goes down and food goes up.
- No, no, that's so mean.
- Really, I can only apologise.
- Fine, well, if you don't wanna speak to me,
I don't wanna speak to you, Paul.
- This isn't happening, this isn't happening.
- Who wants to go first?
- I kind of wanna go first.
- Nina, Nina, don't roll that dice.
You-you see, she's attached to the cage, to-to-to
- No, no, no, I understand.
She's attached a big spike to the board
so whoever lands on the trap
gets killed with the spike.
Still a really fun game.
- Yeah, we did think it was the fairest way
to decide who goes first.
- I'm having a nightmare, I'm having a nightmare.
- Go on, Paul, give him the dice.
- No, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, you don't have to do this.
Don't let her make you do it, she's evil.
- She's not evil. She's
maybe a little misunderstood.
- Paul, she wants to kill and eat us, she's pure evil.
- No, no, no, no, you just don't know her like I do.
She can be really sweet.
- [Lindsey] Paul!
(die clattering)
- You got a five.
- No, I'm not playing.
- One, two, three, four, five.
You get a piece of cheese.
- Lucky.
- Well done. Nina, you're next.
- Okay, okay, okay, so this is a bit difficult,
because if I land on the trap,
I get hit with the spike and I die,
but I might also get some cheese.
- No, Nina, wait, wait, wait.
(die clattering)
- Yellow please.
Oh, that's rubbish. I wanna go again.
No, no, no, I wanna have another go, no.
With the dice.
- You know what your problem is, Zucky?
- Oh, yes, thank you, honey, break up with me,
then tell me all of my flaws.
- Your problem, actually, no,
I've got to say it to your face.
Paul.
- Ah, no, thank you, Paul,
I don't feel like a barrage of criticism.
- Your problem is you're entitled.
(die clattering)
- I'm entitled?
I do nothing but give.
- Give? You just want
round-the-clock attention.
No one's ever taught you any boundaries.
- Oh, yeah, well, there's a fine line
from where boundaries stop
and, and selfishness begins.
- Are you calling me selfish?
- I'm calling you very selfish.
- I don't need to hear this.
You just need to work out
whether you want a girlfriend or a nanny.
- Oh, well, if I did want a nanny, I wouldn't hire you,
unless I'm wanting my little toddlers
running around all unsupervised,
putting their little fingers in plug sockets,
eating shards of glass.
- Excuse me, I would be an incredible nanny.
I'm a very, very caring person, thank you very much.
I was a doctor, for Christ's sake.
- Yeah, and you hated it.
- No, I didn't, I just found it very, very tiresome.
- Will you two stop bickering?
Am I the only one who cares
we're about to be impaled and eaten?
No, no, no, no, Paul, I demand that you stand up to her.
Tell Lindsey this isn't happening.
I am ordering you to grow a backbone.
- I can't, okay.
I don't want to do this,
but it's like she has these mind powers over me.
I can't resist.
- Everything okay here?
(soft ominous music)
Little bit of whispering going on.
(gentle tense music)
Go on then.
(soft ominous music)
(gentle tense music)
- Fight it, Paul, fight it.
(Paul breathing heavily)
(gentle tense music)
(Paul breathing heavily)
(gentle tense music)
(Lindsey growling)
(die clattering)
- Oh God, please, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, please, no!
(gasping) Just please don't put me here again.
I'll-I'll-I'll do anything, I, we-we can make a deal.
Let's-let's make a deal, listen, listen.
Um, let's all agree we can eat Zuck.
- What?
- No, let me finish.
We can eat Zuck, but Nina, Kat and myself go free.
- Are you finished, that's
the deal, is it? That's great.
- No, Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul, no.
(Nina sighing)
- Thank you.
- Nina, look, I don't think you quite understand
the danger here.
- I understand.
But there's not much we can do about it, is there?
So why worry about something we can't control?
We might as well make the most out of it.
And besides, if I do get the spike,
there's no better way I'd rather go
than playing board games with you.
(game piece tapping)
Yay, cheese!
- Oh, I wouldn't worry, Grant,
I think it's pretty clear that the universe hates me.
Everyone here knows
I'm gonna be the one getting that skewer,
you may as well aim it at my broken heart.
- Oh, you're always playing the victim.
Paul, I can't take this anymore, swivel me away.
- Oh, no, swivel me away first.
- Oh, for goodness sake, enough of this!
Listen, the thing about relationships
is that you've got to-
- Oh, no, thank you, Lindsey.
We don't want couples counselling
from the woman trying to murder us.
- Listen, it's very clear to me
that you both love each other.
This is just a classic
example of the same qualities
that initially attracted you to each other
being the same qualities
that have driven you nuts over time.
Your independence, your
sensitivity, opposites attract.
Some of us are more afraid of abandonment
and others are more afraid
of losing our independence.
The question is whether you're willing
to let the fears of what might happen
ruin what you currently have.
(gentle piano music)
Look, I don't have the answers for you,
but I've seen the way that you two
chase each other around the garden
and I'm pretty sure that in those moments,
you're not thinking,
"What am I getting from
this relationship?"
You're thinking, "What can I give
to this wonderful, beautiful
person that makes me so happy?"
(sudden ominous music)
(die clattering)
Paul, it's a three!
(tense orchestral music)
(sudden ominous music)
(Grant gasping)
(tense orchestral music)
- I love you, Zucky Ducky.
- I love you too, Kitty Kat.
(tense orchestral music)
(tense orchestral music continues)
(sudden ominous music)
(tense orchestral music)
(tense orchestral music continues)
(tense orchestral music continues)
(air whooshing)
- [All] Yeah, yeah!
- [Grant] Paul.
That's it.
Good catch.
- I'm sorry, Lindsey, I can't let you do this.
- Don't you dare defy me, Paul,
- I do defy you, Lindsey.
(Lindsey gasping)
I do defy you very much.
And there is nothing that you can do or say,
that will make me continue this cruel, cruel game.
- Yes, you tell her.
- Can I have a word with you, please, over there?
Paul, listen to me.
- No, you listen to me.
Everything that you just said to Kat and Zuck.
- Oh, don't tell me you took any of that stuff seriously.
- It was spot on.
Relationships should be
about enriching the lives
of the person that you're with
and that is the opposite of what we've got.
All you ever try to do is control me,
but no more.
I don't care if you shout at me.
I don't wanna be part of this for a second longer.
- Paul. (sobbing)
- Oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey.
Please don't cry.
No, no, please don't cry.
Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh!
- You keep being selfish.
- No, no, no, I really don't think I'm being selfish here.
- [Lindsey] You are.
- I really don't think I am, baby.
- You want me to perish?
- Perish? No, is that what you think?
Oh, no, I don't want you to perish.
No, whoever said the word
perish? Nobody said perish.
- You said perish.
- [Paul] I didn't say perish, you said perish.
Look, it's okay, don't worry.
- [Lindsey] Will you help me then?
- Okay, yeah, I'll help you, I'll help you, yeah.
Just please, just stop crying.
I'll help you with whatever you need, okay?
Yeah, yeah, just please, just stop crying for me, okay?
- Yeah.
- That's it.
Hey, no, no, no, no.
(soft tense music)
I will not succumb to your emotional blackmail.
- Please, Paul.
- Fight it, Paul, stay strong.
- You can do it.
- We're having a private conversation!
Show me you love me, Paul, drag out the trap.
- No, I won't let you
manipulate
me.
- Fine, I'll do it then.
(soft intense music)
(Lindsey gasping sharply)
(cage clattering)
- [All] Oh!
Yeah!
Paul, Paul, Paul, Paul!
(Paul laughing)
Paul, Paul, Paul!
Paul, Paul, Paul!
- Yes!
- Paul, Paul, Paul!
- Yes, yes! (laughing)
- Paul, Paul, Paul!
- Yes, yes, who's the man?
- [All] Paul!
- Who's the man? Say.
- Paul!
- Who's the man? Say.
- Paul!
- Who's the man? Say.
- Paul, Paul, Paul!
- Who's the man? Say Paul!
Paul, Paul
- Who's the man? Say Paul!
Who's the Paul, say Paul's
the Paul. Say, who's the man?
Say Paul's the man.
(wood clattering)
- No!
(lance whooshing)
Uh!
(Zuck groaning)
- Oh, thank God.
- What do you want from me? (groaning)
- Zucky, they've turned you into a human kebab!
- Gosh, I'm-I'm so sorry, Zuck.
That's my bad, that's on me, okay.
I'm-I'm-I'm gonna fix it, I'm gonna fix it.
Okay, one.
Two.
Three.
(lance whooshing)
(Zuck shrieking)
- Ah, now you're talking, Grants.
- Yeah, well, we'll have a better chance of making it,
if we all go together, right?
- Is there really no other option?
- Hey, Zucky, what was your plan
before you got hit with all that wood?
- Oh yeah.
Yeah, that could still work actually.
Oh, and I need to get myself
into the right head space, but-
- To do what?
- Well, have you ever heard of astral projection?
- No.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Ah, no.
We're taking our chances with the foxes.
- Are you sure?
- Absolutely not.
It's very unlikely we'll make it,
but it's just a risk we're gonna have to take.
- No, you know what,
Grants? I'm not worried.
I have faith in-
- If you say you have faith
in the universe, Zuck, I swear I'm gonna-
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I'm done with the universe.
No, you hear that?
No, I'm done with you.
No, I have faith in you, Grant.
You'll get us there,
- Oh.
Thanks.
- Well, I have faith in you.
- Not as much faith as I have in you.
- No, I have more faith in you.
- No, I have more faith in you.
- No, I have more faith in you.
- No, I have more faith in you.
(both laughing)
- Great, shall we go?
- Oh, let's not forget about Lindsey, everyone.
Can't leave Lindsey here all on her own, trapped here.
No, Lindsey's learned her lesson.
She promises to be a team player from now on.
So, hooray, it's a happy ending.
Come on, everyone, let's get out of here.
- Lindsey, sweetheart.
If we make it there alive, we'll send help, okay.
Until then, you're on your own.
- Paul.
Paul!
Don't you dare leave me here!
- Okay, let's go.
- [Lindsey] Paul, come back.
- Hey, monkey.
I'm proud of you.
- Paul, you've forgotten Lindsey.
What about Lindsey? She's
still here, she's still here.
(mellow melodic music)
What about Lindsey, Paul.
Paul, you've taken yourself
away from Paul and Lindsey.
Now it's just Lindsey.
Paul!
(electricity crackling)
Uh!
(mellow melodic music)
Where did you go?
Paul, it's just Lindsey now.
Lindsey all alone!
I never knew the sun
was a long lost friend
I never knew you lose
the time you can't spend
I always thought I'd be all
right, so let's just pretend
We're only setting out
and nowhere near the end
Freedom calls and it's so, so sweet
Freedom calls and it's all you can eat
(fox snarling)
(soft tense music)
It's calling you over the hill
It's dragging you down,
expending your will
Check over your shoulder
if you wanna survive
She's a stone cold killer
and she'll eat you alive
Freedom calls but it comes at a cost
Freedom calls when you've already lost
Freedom calls
Freedom calls
Freedom calls
Freedom calls
(mellow upbeat music)
Freedom calls