Botoks (2017) Movie Script

My hip hurts,
take me to the hospital.
Don't let them examine you;
they might find something
Stay home, mom, you'll be ok.
I'll make you some herbal tea.
Hold onto me.
Hey, moron.
I'll give you fucking moron.
Mom kicked the fucking bucket.
Oh fuck, daddy.
I guess we drink today.
Daniela, Darek, your dad went in
the street and was hit by a car.
Please don't shake him. Lay him
flat and stabilize his head.
Fuck off, faggot.
Let's cover him up.
He's got the fucking shakes.
Darek, bend his head back.
Give me your phone.
I need to make a call.
Not like that, you'll choke him.
What's the emergency number?
999, I guess
- Hello.
- He's dead.
No, nothing now.
We almost saved him.
Maybe I could be a paramedic.
Crew number 3 to 21 Arbuzowa Str.
I can't open it, help me.
I can't move.
Come through the window, hurry.
Hold onto that doggie.
We got it on, and I clamped.
You need to go to the hospital
with that clamped vulva.
Get the stretcher, doc.
Darek, you're a doctor?
You barely graduated.
Medicine's like the movies.
I bought my degree.
You wouldn't show it to me in
high school, so I'll see it now.
Don't let my father in here, please.
He'll kill me.
- What's going on here?
- Don't go in, your daughter's ill.
- Ania, what's going on?
- Leave dad, they can't examine me.
What's this?
Ok, hold her boyfriend down.
We have to put them on a stretcher.
I've heard that now
they can sew fingers back on.
I'm not looking for it.
Fuck it, four are enough.
Ask her boyfriend to
cough it back up.
Got a guy with a head injury, not
making contact.
Repeat, no contact.
No contact? What the fuck?
What happened to him?
They beat the shit out of him, stole
his phone, so we can't contact him.
The guy's hopped the twig.
Here's the hangman.
Fuck, look at these hot shoes.
My size, I'm taking them.
Got a child that fell off
a second-story balcony.
- What's his name?
- Sylwus.
Sylwus, look.
Bam, bam, bam...
Bam, bam, bam...
A Matchbox car.
Look, bam, look...
It's ok, look a Matchbox car.
Come on.
He's all right.
The dude shoved a four meter phone
cable up his dick into his bladder.
A fucking champ.
Did you want to contact
the phone company?
Give me some Pavulon.
This must be the worst day
of your life, huh?
Because I met that bitch.
A woman reports her husband and
son have drowned in a lake.
You have to certify the deaths.
Gone to St. Peter.
Gone to St. Peter.
She's in fucking despair, but I'm
running out of fucking Dizol.
Ok, we've confirmed the deaths
of Pawel and Marcin.
Marcin's right here alive.
That's Maciek.
I'm sorry, kid.
Some queer shoved a bottle
of shampoo up his ass.
It's out.
- Where's the bathroom?
- There.
Fuck, it's still foaming.
The ambulance crew,
completely drunk.
- Stop them!
- Hey!
Stop! Stop!
I'm pregnant with Arek.
I'm moving in with him and
starting over fresh.
That really ticks me off.
Darek, hon, we'll invite you over.
That's not our uncle.
Daddy told you a bunch of shit.
5 months later
Arek doesn't want me.
I take up too much room.
I'm not going back to live in
that dive with my brother.
I guess I have to change my life.
My neighbour's going to England
to look after her grandchild.
I'll ask if I can rent
her flat cheaply.
Five flowerpots in every corridor.
And after the inspection, sir?
Throw them out.
I don't want to see patients in
such condition during the visit.
What should we do with them?
Put them in a locked ward.
We'll let them out after
we get ISO accreditation.
Let's look at a typical room.
Good morning, good morning.
We'll be examining you soon, ma'am.
it's me, Stasia.
Good, Stasia, let's have a look at you.
Stasia the orderly.
Sir, do we air out the
operating room, too?
I want everything beautiful,
fresh, and sweet-smelling.
Our operating rooms.
Was that a sparrow?
There's our cafeteria.
Where are they running to?
The toilet. Unfortunately,
one out of ten patients.
But we're the only hospital that
has no problems with abortions
and stands by the woman
for better or worse.
Down's syndrome doesn't fit us,
I don't want such a child.
Do something to make it go away.
How far along are you?
Five and half months.
The law says 12 weeks.
But if genetic tests show defects
you can legally abort to 21 weeks.
Bring your test results and
a psychologist's ok and we'll do it.
But I'm 22 weeks now.
We had to wait for the test results.
Up to 21 weeks it's a foetus.
Starting at 22 it's a child.
But there's a way around it.
We count pregnancy from the date
of your last period,
which can be falsified
in the system.
Then we can do the procedure.
Now I'll give you a drug vaginally
to relax your cervix.
You'll have contractions, bleeding,
and then give birth to the baby.
Will it be alive?
Do you want to say goodbye?
Take it away from me.
I want to go home.
What'll you do with it?
Wait till it dies.
- How long will that take?
- A few hours.
I said there was a sparrow in here.
Maybe they're waiting till
it shits on a patient.
- Why the face?
- I'm tired.
Why the fuck are you tired when
all you do at work is make coffee?
I twisted my ankle at the track.
Let me see.
Ow. Delicately.
Maternity ward. Hello?
Majka speaking.
What is it?
I've got a patient here.
Doctor, the baby's still breathing.
It's been 17 hours. What do I do?
Fucking suffocate it with a pillow.
What a stupid question.
Do like this with your lips.
Now spread your legs and do
the same thing with your vagina.
You know, the way hookers pick
quarters up with their vaginas.
Hello. What's this about?
- I'm not going to assist you.
- Why not?
- The pregnancy isn't 37 weeks.
- How far along is it?
36 and 6 days.
It's my right as a midwife.
Ok, what are your expectations?
That it won't hurt, that my crotch
isn't cut, and that it's pleasant.
This isn't a request show,
and it won't be pleasant.
Push hard.
It's turning.
Push. I've got the head.
Push hard.
Fucking push like the lady said.
Get out of here.
- Push it out.
- I can't do it.
You're standing here with us,
so when I say push it out do it.
I broke her rib.
- I can't feel anything.
- Push.
I've got dislocated shoulders.
Run get the doctor on call.
From this moment on everything
is recorded for the prosecutor.
What? Now I'm getting scared.
The shoulder's wider than the head,
and the baby's wedged in the pelvis...
The head's turning blue, and
the baby's starting to suffocate.
Ok, change position.
On your left side.
All right, now on your right.
Change position to all fours.
Lower on your hands and push.
Harder and push.
Push. Lie on your back again.
I have to break the shoulders.
Don't push now.
That's one.
That's the other. Push.
- I can't do it.
- Move, let me see.
Stop, you'll rip the spinal cord.
- What's your name?
- Daniela.
Daniela, we've got one minute.
If you don't help me, I leave the
baby inside you and it dies there.
To get it out I'll have to
cut off its head.
Oh please, no.
I'm so ugly.
I figured if I got knocked up
I'd have someone to love me.
Daniela, look at me.
Then push with all the love
you have for your baby.
Push... Now.
One point.
One point?
Oxytocin please.
Three points.
Six points. We're taking it.
Is that good?
Very good after what happened.
Now you'll expel the placenta.
What have we got here?
I see a baby's head.
It's not mine.
- But I had an ultrasound.
- Where the fuck was it done?
A clinic in Ostrow.
How'd they miss a second baby?
What'll I tell the father?
That's not important now. Push.
- No, I won't live through it again.
- Now push.
It'll go more easily now. Push.
All right.
- Hey.
- Hi.
Excuse me, are you a doctor?
You guessed correctly, sir.
I was here 10 years ago and I had
a beautiful doctor named Beata.
That's me.
Time sure does fly.
- We've got a stiff.
- Please show some respect.
The old lady with the cast died.
All right, I'll take off the cast.
She won't need it in the coffin.
- Right?
- Yeah.
Don't scare the patients.
Just a minute now, Hania.
Everything is fine.
I'll give first aid.
Send an ambulance.
- I'll take over, I'm a doctor.
- So am I.
Do you work in Mokotow?
Beata, it's not good.
We have to amputate your leg.
But it won't show.
You can wear slacks.
You've got a damaged liver
and a ruptured spleen.
We'll pray for you.
But leave your body to science.
You'll serve the new
generation of doctors.
They mixed up the legs
during the amputation.
When they realized their error
they decided to do everything
they could to save the first one.
We had to put him in a coma.
His pneumothorax isn't healing well.
Beata, what's wrong?
I can't control my body,
I have momentary blackouts.
I don't know what's going on for
a few seconds then I get a cramp.
A pain in my neck.
I'll give you something to ease
the pain and relax your muscles.
I feel as if I'm floating.
Not losing consciousness,
but a progressive...
With every second I feel...
Hello, can you hear me?
Hello. How do you feel? Hello.
Can you hear me? Hello.
She really fucking overdosed.
Thank you so much for coming by.
- See you in 2 weeks, doctor.
- Of course.
Excuse me.
What do you do to look like that?
Where do you work?
GLASBE Pharmaceuticals.
Look how fucked up she is.
Zero reaction.
I bet they'll pump her stomach.
He... help.
That's him.
The patient claims you groped
and tried to rape her.
As you see, we don't have the tools
to verify what you've described.
I'm very sorry.
- Know why I want to kill myself?
- Why?
Know why? Do you know, huh?
Because I can't get the taste
of your cum off my lips.
Did you see that?
Did you see that?
It wasn't the first time;
he'll do it again.
The next one will be because of you.
17-year-old with pulmonary edema.
Testicular cancer with
widespread metastases.
- Shall I call his parents?
- No.
- I'd want to be with my dying child.
- Light a candle for him.
Oh fuck...
You have to look at this,
his parents don't. Now call.
- Where were you when he got ill?
- Where? With you all the time.
- I was all alone with him!
- Stop yelling.
Stop yelling and calm down.
I'd like to make a toast to
my best friend, Eliza.
When the whole world turns away
from you I'll be by your side.
When the one you trust betrays you,
I'll be by your side.
When the one with whom you share
your thoughts forgets your birthday
I'll be by your side.
As you have been for half my life.
To you, Eliza.
- Who was that message from?
- It's gone.
- Why?
- I didn't want you to read it.
It was from Eliza.
She was lying in bed and wrote me.
Tell me what's going on.
I guess I don't love you anymore.
I'll pack my stuff.
Will you drive me to mom's?
Why are you having
an affair with her?
- I won't tell you.
- Tell me.
You've got an ugly pussy.
You're disgusting down there.
All loose and flabby.
I didn't want kids with you,
and I can't live with that.
Hello, I'd like to order a cab.
If you walk out, I'll run you down.
With the car.
Hi Patrycja. Jurek told me.
- What?
- That you're mentally ill.
I'm sure he did, but your wife and
my husband are having an affair.
Fuck me, you really are nuts.
Get some treatment.
Did you hear that?
- It's true.
- What?
It's your fault.
If you'd been a good wife, your
husband wouldn't be fucking mine.
I put off med school for him,
sold shit at the bazaar,
and now he tells me
he doesn't like my pussy.
What sort of argument is that?
He's ruined my life.
- What?
- And bags under my eyes.
- Hello.
- Hello.
I'm looking for the head of urology.
You're the department head?
So young?
You're very kind, but
I'm no spring chicken.
I'd like to find out if I'm fertile.
All right.
Doctor, will we have a C-section?
First you need to make a baby.
Exactly. How?
- By engaging in sex.
- I don't engage in anything.
Do you have sex with
your wife or partner?
- It depends.
- On what?
On whether I'm cheating on my wife.
- Are you his wife?
- Yes.
- Have you betrayed her?
- Yes.
- More than once?
- Yes.
And cheating on a woman is ok?
- I don't understand.
- Do you feel good about it?
What does this have to do
with the test?
We'll do the test now.
- All right, what do I do?
- Give me a semen sample.
- Where?
- Here.
- When?
- Now.
- You want me to stand and...
- And start masturbating.
Do I get some sort of container?
Can you let me in?
My card's not working.
Kasia, where's my computer?
They took it, and the medical
director wants to see you.
- Hello.
- Stop it.
Good morning, sir.
Did you order a patient to beat off
in front of you and his wife?
That's why you took my computer?
Hania from HR will oversee
the confrontation.
Please come in.
Did the doctor order you to...
masturbate in front of her
and your wife?
Yes, but I have no problem with it.
I was a patient, I confided in her,
and I still can't get over it.
You weren't her patient,
but we have enough.
Please come with me.
You are dismissed
effective immediately.
You won't fire me; I'm the best
surgeon in this hospital.
For me a real surgeon
pisses in the sink.
Fuck! Take me to the emergency room.
I think I've injured my spine.
- What's going on here?
- We're selling this house.
Are you interested?
So, the prick changed the locks?
He said to sell it ASAP
and for the lowest price.
Know what...
I'll find a job and buy this house.
I live here and it's mine.
I'm the only person who will buy it.
Now get the fuck out of here.
What do you want?
Nothing now.
My spine's fucking killing me.
Just tell me what you want.
My kids' dad has split.
I earn 1700 and I need money
for my kids therapy
I have to find a new job.
I've got an interview today.
GLASBE Pharmaceuticals.
They're French. How do I look?
Like a dick dressed like a duck.
You can't wear fucking leggings.
Let's find something else.
Fuck, let's check my stuff.
What size do you wear?
How should I know?
That's the best we can hope for.
Next, please.
So, you want to sell our drugs?
Yeah, all over town.
Take off your shoes.
Get up on the desk.
Now dance.
Dance for me, seduce me.
You won't sell a thing.
But, ma'am...
I really need this job.
I'm a single mother of twins.
Do you want to move me?
I lost my family in an accident.
Please give me a chance,
as woman to woman.
We hire only women at GLASBE.
Know why?
Because they have looks that make
every doctor want to fuck them.
I'll sell more.
I'm not a Miss America.
No, you're not.
But I worked as a paramedic.
I know half the doctors in Warsaw.
- Could we use my comb and brush?
- Of course.
Doctor, we've got a patient
who shoved a rectangular bottle
of perfume up his anus.
Crazy asshole.
Don't worry Arek, next time
we'll use something smaller.
Good morning.
What brings you here today?
Can't you see?
I don't intend to look.
But you will be of service
to a new generation of doctors.
- What?
- Right this way, students.
Come in.
We begin our medical lesson.
This man bought his wife perfume,
and she told him
to shove it up his ass.
I accidentally sat down
on the bottle.
What can we propose for the patient?
Perhaps the patient could
excrete it himself.
You think it's that simple?
Marek, what's going on?
Mom, why'd you come here?
- What's wrong with you?
- Nothing.
Don't lie.
Mom, unfortunately Marek has
a foreign body in his body.
How'd he manage to swallow that?
Objects in vaginas and anuses
will be the most common cases
you will have in your careers.
Why does this look like
the zoo at feeding time?
Jadzia inserted seven
tangerines in her vagina.
Why'd you put seven tangerines
in your vagina?
A perverted feeling came over me.
All right.
Each of you takes out one.
This one's shot, it's in pieces and
had contact with vaginal fluids.
But this one can still be eaten.
A kid took legal highs and then
cut his abdomen open because
he heard squirrels inside.
- He needs to be washed as
he rolled in the grass. - Know what?
Cleanliness is next to godliness,
but it shortens life. Sorry.
I don't have the manpower.
What's that?
An intranasal opioid for pain
relief for palliative patients.
Nice, huh?
How does this collaboration work?
Our pharmaceutical company
opens a bank account
for each doctor we work with.
Here's your debit card.
And here's your PIN.
When you prescribe a GLASBE drug,
the company pays you 5%
of every prescription filled.
Oh yeah?
And just how do you check that?
You prescribe the drug.
I recommend this GLASBE drug.
You must stamp it with,
Direct patients to one pharmacy.
Easier for us to settle up then.
Know what? Go to the hospital
pharmacy, it's cheaper.
A company rep will come to the
pharmacy and count it all up.
How many GLASBE prescriptions
have you filled this month?
How many were Dr. Beata Winkler's?
GLASBE pays 5% from each sale, and
you get your money at an ATM.
Help me. It's no difference what
you prescribe, and I'll have work.
The debit card isn't everything.
Each quarter you'll get
a nice gift from our company.
We'll send you to symposia.
For those doctors
who attain the highest sales
our firm organizes exotic vacations.
Come on, Jarek.
That's only ten weeks old?
You abort babies like this
at your hospital??
We gave the patient Mettotrecat as
we suspected an ectopic pregnancy
but it turned out she's got
a live pregnancy in her uterus.
We can tell her the truth and
have the prosecutor on our ass.
Or keep using the chemotherapeutic
and wait till she miscarries.
Adam, I'm making coffee.
Want some?
A nurse that slept with a doctor,
used to kiss his hand in thanks.
Now she becomes his pal.
Only those who do nothing
make no mistakes.
You can't admit to it or
they'll tear you apart.
You must have her miscarry.
She won't know a thing when
she leaves the hospital.
Every doctor has his own cemetery?
That's a crime.
Questioning my decision?
That's my last word, dear.
I'm fucking out of here.
Look, what a cute embryo.
I need a job. I'm a urologist and
I've worked as a general surgeon.
For me a woman surgeon
is like a guinea pig.
Neither a guinea nor a pig.
I'll give you 300.
For what?
For holding pricks.
If a guy's got a crooked dick,
I have to straighten it.
You'll get 300 for each prick.
All you'll do is hold it.
Of course, each one moves a bit.
A labiaplasty for my daughter.
Her labia are too big.
She even has problems
working out during Phys. Ed.
I like it when a woman has
a handful in her drawers.
If you want, you'll be as pretty
down there as my little girl.
Move onto my finger.
Does that feel good?
What are you doing?
You're rubber her clitoris.
Sunshine, I operate, you assist.
You don't tell me what to do. Bye.
Fuck, what a perv.
He's like that.
Fuck this job.
I'm turning him in.
Come in.
You don't mind if I let a few
other doctors learn, do you?
Man, that's ugly.
Asia's mom wants to talk to you.
Hello. What's going on?
Let's go to the bathroom.
Let me see.
Jesus, it was supposed to be
a simple labiaplasty.
He said he'd fix it if she
lets him do her breasts.
What a prick.
I checked. He's laryngologist and
knows nothing about plastic surgery.
Could you do it instead?
I'm begging you.
My daughter wants to kill herself.
Give me a couple of days.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Will you help me?
- With what?
I need a nip and tuck on my pussy.
Hi, mom.
Could I use one of your rooms
for a few hours?
I want it shorter.
A little lower.
Slice away.
How do you feel?
Like a gang of niggers with
horse cocks just fucked me.
I'll help your daughter.
You'll rent me the room permanently.
I'm going to specialize
in plastic surgery.
I've got the hots for this guy.
What should I do so he fucks me?
Something for yourself.
Fix your mug.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Why'd you leave?
Know how I feel?
Fix my face.
Botoks in my neck.
My breasts
And my fucking teeth.
Your vagina's sensational.
Know a good plastic surgeon?
He took fat from your thighs and
injected it into your breasts?
Fuck, that surgeon's a disaster.
He fucked up your pussy, too.
What didn't you like about it?
- Nothing.
- Why you have it done then?
I wanted to have an orgasm.
- What?
- She wanted to have an orgasm.
I was looking for the G-spot.
I was looking for the G-spot.
There's one at the end of shopping.
There is no such thing.
- There isn't?
- No, there isn't.
I'll do liposuction on
your thighs to shape them.
Liposuction on your belly, too.
You'll need breast implants.
I'll use anatomic silicone ones.
I'll give you Hyaluronidase
for your lips.
I'll inject acid on the right side.
Fix your forehead with Botoks.
Have you really never had an orgasm?
Maybe I could give you a PRP-shot
in the area of your clitoris.
In the front part of the vagina.
Increased blood flow could give
you an orgasm. Know what I mean?
I can give you a turbo pussy.
Want one?
Why'd you bring me here?
We're celebrating your promotion.
All OTC meds are bullshit.
- Because?
- Because they don't work.
We want to bring a new fake
med to market.
Problems getting pregnant?
Use Viramen before having sex.
Viramen for her, Viramen for him.
Makes getting pregnant
68% more effective.
When do we launch it?
When you find a doctor who will
lie about the 68% improvement.
How am I to do that?
Know what the difference is
between the pharma and the Mafia?
The Mafia has a smaller budget.
A pharmaceutical company can't
corrupt doctors, but you can.
Best if he's an authority
in the world of medicine.
Like the guy at that table.
Senior Registrar at the
hospital in Mokotow.
He's going to the toilet.
Go after him.
How? I can't do it.
I'll fire you.
The fuck you will.
You mixed up the toilets.
Ah... Excuse me.
I thought I was a whiz
at geometry.
Man, I am so mixed-up.
It's because of the tough case
I have at work.
Yes? Where do you work?
Are you also in the business?
Senior Registrar of the maternity
ward in Mokotow hospital.
Well I'll be.
We won't make a biblical pair.
There are no accidents in life.
It must mean something that we met.
Maybe I could...
Invite you for coffee by way
of apology, huh?
After you use the bathroom,
of course.
Let God's will be done.
We must never question it.
Fuck me. Look at that eye.
I want you to come with me.
What the fuck is this?
The fucking miracle of life.
The mystery of birth.
This is just slow killing.
The baby lies in a pan dying
for up to 20 hours.
- How do you know when it dies?
- Fuck, I don't know!
I don't know!
I don't come in here and watch.
Fuck, you're a bit right.
We can't let this be.
Madzia, come with me please.
Starting today they won't
lie in a pan.
I've decided we'll put foetuses
in a bassinet and wrap them
in a terrycloth diaper.
That'll be a dignified farewell.
Stasia, what the fuck
is that fern for?
To make it pleasant.
Fuck it's hard working
in this hospital.
You do so much for others.
Do something for yourself.
Get some rest.
I'm running a symposium in Africa
for top doctors. Just say the word.
Think I should go with him?
Why would I do that?
Welcome to the conference.
In these huts made of dried shit?
- Where are the other doctors?
- There aren't any.
Today's subject is the modern world
versus natural medicine.
You just took part in a
symposium with shamans in Kenya.
I couldn't take you on a vacation,
so I made it a business trip.
Sign here.
Why'd you bring me here?
To seduce you.
I had five orgasms.
I wrote an article about you.
I'm sending it out to scientific journals.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
- Was it that bad?
- No.
Then what's this about?
I'm going to be fired.
GLASBE is launching a new drug
to treat infertility.
If I don't get an opinion by
tomorrow that it acts selectively
and improves efficacy by 68%,
they'll fire me.
The professor who was to do it
for me had a stroke, and I'm in...
some hellhole at the other
end of the world.
But I can give you
an opinion like that.
What about clinical trials?
In this heart of darkness
I'll sit under a baobab
and use all of me expertness.
- Fallen in love?
- Crazy about me.
Want to spend the rest of your
life making peanuts here or...
start earning real money?
Walentyna, come out and tell me.
I'll give you shares in
a chain of drugstores.
If you start selling
bogus meds in them.
Pharmacies can't import drugs.
Private healthcare facilities can.
You'll buy some shack in the boonies...
and register it as a private
healthcare facility.
You'll import GLASBE products
from France.
First a million packages of Viramen.
I'm to import a million
packages to some shithole?
It'll give you the legal cover
for making phony drugs.
You'll pack another million doses
of fake Viramen into bottles.
And sell it all in your pharmacies.
What'll the meds be made of?
Who the fuck knows?
Powdered sugar.
You want me to sell people
powdered sugar?
The real thing doesn't work either.
I guess you're right.
But in those pharmacies...
use someone you trust.
Want a lick of this?
Fucking awesome.
A slug of Ethanol?
Darek, this is a pharmacy.
If I see you high even once,
you'll be gone.
Go, you've got a customer.
Keep suppositories in the
fridge or they'll melt I think.
What should I drink?
Don't fucking drink anything
when you take them.
If it were my baby I don't know if
I'd abort if it had a missing eye.
Maybe it feels with that eye.
How many abortions have you done?
What's that got to do with it?
Isn't it too late for
crocodile tears?
No, because now I'm pregnant.
Our hospital offers help
to all women.
You spout that crap on TV, but
I'm the one who has to do it.
I don't give a shit
what other women do.
They can do what they want.
I'm not doing any more abortions.
Madzia, what's wrong?
I'm afraid I'll have a defective
baby as punishment.
If you don't like it,
then fucking leave.
You can't fire me when I'm pregnant.
Then get back to work.
What the fuck you looking at,
you goddamn queer?
I'll knock your fucking head off.
- Fucking queers.
- Not so loud, dude.
Still live where you used to?
You still take the same bus.
Do we know each other?
- Don't you recognize me?
- No.
We worked emergency 3 years ago.
I'm going back to work.
I've got a double shift.
Shoot me, I don't remember.
Remember a nurse named Gosia?
Yeah, I remember Gosia.
I'm her.
You fucking changed your sex?
In the Czech Republic.
Sorry, I didn't know.
Are you a homophobe?
No. I just hate queers.
Our stop.
What the fuck kind of
emergency room is this?
A surgeon runs around like Batman.
Hi, what going on here?
I brought some brochures.
What about me?
Just fucking sit there.
You'll be all right.
Not marrying the doctor?
Doctor's wife is almost
as good as doctor.
Of course.
Earned her degree using
her ass, not her head.
Who called the paramedics?
Are you fucking nuts?
Calling an ambulance
to the hospital?
Sure since you weren't
taking care of me.
See me and I'll cancel it.
How long do I have to wait,
you old cunt?
Sorry, too much testosterone.
He pissed himself.
Strap him down and give him
the biggest catheter we have.
Save me!
They're killing me!
Save me!
He... He... lp.
- What's that?
- Chaliperdol.
Aren't you afraid he might die?
Oh stop it.
Know how many people I've killed?
They ran the article and we're
invited to present it in Paris.
Fuck but it's great here.
How much time do we have?
As much as we want.
The show's tomorrow.
Good, then tell him to drive
around and show us Paris.
- Ask him if he's holding.
- Stop it.
Go ahead and ask him.
I feel like getting high.
Ask him if he'd like
to do a threesome.
Do you like this?
- I'm good.
- Ever been with a woman?
What about a mulatto?
- No.
- Then ask him.
Let's live a little.
Look how hot he is.
No, no, no.
I'll show you my orgasms.
See there, a bit of fun in life.
I'm going to get a tattoo, too.
Are all these people going
to look at my pussy?
Beamed in from the next room.
Come on.
What a cunt.
Don't touch that.
Sit down.
Oh fuck, hide me.
Give me your phone number.
If you don't,
I'll find out anyway.
Go ahead and write.
His brain damage is irreversible,
given that we've used every therapy.
The passage of time.
The lack of nervous response
and spontaneous breathing.
The respirator is
ventilating a corpse.
This is my divorce petition.
I've left my wife.
I want to say that I can marry you.
And if we happen to have
a child, great.
How about first telling me
about yourself?
What were you doing in Paris?
- I transport cheese.
- You're a truck driver?
I have a company.
I sell cheese.
I have no outstanding debts.
Here's my bank statement.
What about that cheese?
My biggest nightmares are refugees.
You sell them cheese?
If a refugee jumps into the van
on the border, the whole load
has to be thrown out.
Would you like to eat cheese
with a refugee?
I don't know.
- I'd like to stick you.
- What?
I've decided I like you.
I'm 37 and I've decided to
get pregnant using IVF.
It might be too late, but I want
to try. I'm looking for a father.
I don't have any sperm.
I'm looking for a guy who will
take on the role of a father.
No one will accept a single woman
without a man to sign the papers.
I've got a problem with that.
It's just on paper. I'm not going
to demand you pay child support.
I've got a problem as a Catholic.
You converted your pussy into a
prick and you've got a problem?
The Church has already
issued a fatwa on you.
Because the Church has given me
the finger, doesn't mean God has.
In vitro fertilization means
the killing of millions.
Not with me, I've put hundreds
Of my eggs into a bank.
- You must be kidding.
- No.
That's awful, Beata, just awful.
Fuck off.
There's milk.
I collect nettles.
Grind them up in a blender.
It strengthens me.
I want to show you a music video.
How do you interpret this?
The sex act.
You interpret it very badly.
No, you oversimplified it.
Want to come in?
To take a shower or something.
No, thank you.
No, no, no, wait, stop.
I need emotion.
The right mood.
You beat off in front of me.
Take a cold shower and calm down.
All right
Thanks for our run together.
I know it wasn't easy, but...
I think we did it well.
Hi. I've got your documents and
test results. See if they're good.
An abortion patient's waiting in #2.
Doctor, what's going on?
Hush, hush.
Stay calm, breathe deeply.
How's the baby?
Good, the baby's just fine
But I...
I thought the pregnancy
would change him...
I keep puking, my hands shake.
I can't hear, my vision blurs,
and my ears are numb.
I inject myself with Klekson,
I'm scared of deep vein thrombosis
and a heart attack.
I fitted myself with
a holter monitor.
It's normal; you've lost it.
A doctors' illness. You're fried
by the incredible level of stress.
What should I do?
Take time off, exercise, rest,
family suppers. Calm your mind.
I can't decide between the Scot
and the Brazilian.
Why such extremes?
Listen to his voice.
You can even see a sample
of his handwriting.
But the Brazilian is expensive.
A thousand.
Fuck, you mean they have
different prices?
From 400 euro to 1000.
The bigger the family,
the more expensive the sperm.
No, don't take the redhead.
It'll be hell for him in school.
Take the Brazilian.
If he's too dark,
he'll also be screwed.
Then pick some Italian.
He's nice.
No, don't confuse me.
The Brazilian.
We administered drugs to stimulate
your follicles and retrieved 9 eggs.
We fertilized only 6 and of those
only one developed into an embryo,
and it's a very weak one.
Then don't give it to me.
We have to.
It's the law.
What if I get pregnant
with such a child?
It'll die inside you.
Have one.
No, I have to go to work
in the morning.
- One.
- Darek, baby, just one.
One and that's it.
It's all good, but we could use
a piece of ass.
No problem.
Kazik, come help me.
How about a drink, a smoke?
Oh fuck me, give me another.
Where are you?
With a girl.
Are you drunk?
Nope, sober as a judge.
I don't believe you. Don't bother
coming to work ever again.
I had to pick her up.
Look how fucked up she is.
I can't get a word out of her.
I'll take her home and come back.
Tell me.
Where's the nearest pharmacy?
On Baleja Street.
Thank you.
I'd like to buy some condoms.
With a loony?
- What's a loony?
- A thingy on the end.
- No, without.
- Flavor?
- They come in flavors?
- For the past ten years.
What kind?
We've got strawberry, banana, pear,
blueberry, and apple.
- Here you are.
- Or no, blueberry.
Or, know what?
Make it strawberry.
Are you planning to fuck or
put up jam for the winter?
I'm ready.
Michal, I've got an IUD.
Why don't you come in?
Patrycja, this is FYI.
What is it?
Test results for HIV, syphilis
and other venereal diseases.
Patrycja, you know I had these
tests done especially for you.
Thank you very much, Michal,
but I haven't done such tests.
Patrycja, can I trust you?
Are you gay?
What's your personal hygiene like?
Pretty good I guess.
I'm a doctor.
Ok, I'll get undressed.
Do I embarrass you?
Nudity doesn't terrify me; I'm used
to the sight of the human body.
Spiteful people call it a bribe.
L, too, at first thought it's my
job, that it isn't necessary.
But today I know it's the one way
you have of saying "thank you."
I want to thank you for
agreeing to do a C-section.
I don't want my wife to
give birth naturally.
I'm afraid they'll cut, sew,
and disfigure her down there.
Of course, I understand.
For this much I can lend you
the instruments to do it.
One new message.
I know you're due soon, but nobody
wants to work over the long weekend.
The senior registrar has
something to do and left us with
a patient to cut ASAP.
If she wants to operate,
she has to sign it.
What is this?
A statement that if you give
birth early in the hospital,
it'll be your fault.
The patient's in #2.
Make sure you do a C-section.
Hello, my name's Magda.
I want to give birth naturally,
but the senior registrar said
that with my diabetes I couldn't.
I'm telling you that you can.
You'll give birth normally.
But my husband's already paid him.
He'll have to refund it.
Please give the patient Oxytocin.
How's the C-section?
I'll help her give birth.
I'm worried about mommy.
We've been waiting a long time.
Why didn't you want to operate?
The baby's pulse is dropping.
Looks like the placenta's detached.
Let's go to the operating room.
Prepare the OR!
C-section with iodine.
What's going on?
What's going on?
I think the placenta's completely
detached. Look how she's bleeding.
I'm cutting the uterus.
The uterus keeps loosening.
I think she's in death throes.
Oxitocin please.
We've got a clot or DIC.
Order 4 units of blood,
plasma, and Factor 7.
She's stopped.
We have to defib.
Give her adrenaline.
Alright, once again.
It's been an hour.
What do we do?
Please let the lady die.
Where is my mommy?
Well fuck, we are a bit to blame.
All right, cause of death is
amniotic fluid embolism.
The procurator won't know and won't
be able to determine the real cause.
It's a bit fishy, but only we
we know the placenta was squishy.
Let's not lose our sense of humour.
We must tame the demons.
I don't know what to write.
Write what we do when a birth
is fucked up and somebody dies.
The patient was difficult,
didn't follow orders, and
didn't come on time.
She did not consent to
the treatment we proposed.
But I don't agree.
Then you'll lose your baby.
You can't take it with you
when you go to prison.
You'll get through this.
Good thing you didn't
let him hound you.
We're with you.
12 weeks, the heart isn't beating.
The baby's dead.
My advice is to carry it
another week.
You should spontaneously miscarry.
That way it'll be easier for
you to get pregnant again.
What should I do with it?
I want to cuddle it.
Do you want to be alone with it?
What should we do, use it for
testing, call the funeral parlour,
or do you want to bury it yourself?
I want to bury it myself.
I bribed the funeral parlour.
I'm taking my baby home with me.
I want to cremate it.
You look pretty.
You've lost weight.
Miscarriage suits you.
I'm not a doctor,
just a woman now, all right?
Relax, the baby was ill.
Know what?
You don't know what I fucking feel.
I know.
I'm very sorry.
You went through it.
When will I be able to forget?
I don't want to be alone today.
What'd they use to make it?
My labia and clitoris.
Do you ejaculate?
I've got this button
in my testicle.
When you press it...
The corpora cavernosa fill and
I get an erection.
They did a good job.
My wife's been asking me what
kind of birth control we use.
She asks you about what?
I told her about your IUD;
she's also ECO friendly.
She told me that an IUD is unethical
because it causes early miscarriage.
In such cases I listen to her.
The thing is I told my wife
about the condom option.
Hold on.
You talk to your ex-wife
about how we screw?
She's not my ex-wife yet.
What's the difference?
Patrycja, do I sense that you are
somehow biased against Sandra?
I am biased as hell against Sandra
because I'm fucking jealous of her.
I am very disappointed in you,
Patrycja. Very disappointed.
I have to cool off.
I don't feel well.
Give me a CTG.
But this is a textbook record.
That, what you're hearing?
The transducer must've slid down.
This is a good CTG.
What are fucking talking about?
My baby's suffocating.
Calm down, you're just another
patient here, not a doctor.
Go get the senior registrar.
Something's happening.
Examine me
Umbilical cord prolapse.
We've got 3 minutes.
Otherwise we'll pull out a corpse.
To the operating room.
The OR has to be readied for
a C-section. Where's the doctor?
Out having a smoke.
We need someone to save this baby.
We don't have much time.
- What's your speciality?
- Surgeon.
You have to pull this baby.
You've got two minutes.
C-section with iodine.
Prepare the operating room.
28, 27, 26...
24, 23, 22, 21...
17, 16, 15...
10 seconds, 9, 8, 7...
6 points, that's all I can give.
Come here you homeless bitch.
Just wait till I hit you.
Oy, take this bitch out...
Not here.
This bitch out of this room...
- or I'll kill her.
- Calm down.
We'll take you to post-op.
I can't breathe.
I can't breathe.
All right, someone will be
with you soon.
Get a doctor, I want out.
I can't breathe.
Calm down. No one can
breathe in here.
The air-con is broken.
I can open a window for you.
I'm leaving this hospital
on an AMA discharge.
What about the jaundice?
Fuck it. I'll rent a light
and treat it at home.
What are you doing here?
I baked you an apple pie and
bought some potting soil.
Why potting soil?
To show you that you can grow
a new world with me.
Patrycja, Sandra's a psychologist
and I had a Hellinger Constellation.
It turns out I love my wife, with
whom I split up a few months ago.
But I took out my IUD for you,
cleaned the upstairs, and
bought a fucking blender.
The constellations say that
you were only an element
in the game between
my wife and me.
My wife and I have been divorcing
for five years, and you knew what
you were getting into. You knew.
Can I get you a broom or a mop?
My notice. I'm quitting after
I finish my maternity leave.
Sit down.
Will you adopt Down's
Syndrome babies?
Most mothers don't want to
carry them to term.
Adopt them, and I'll urge them
not to abort.
I don't know what other women do.
You asked how many abortions I did.
Sit down.
712. But when I became pregnant
I also became certain of one thing.
What's that?
I can't do it.
I will never do it again.
Sit down.
Come to the event of the season this
Saturday on the bank of the Vistula.
The burial of my last life stage,
a time of emotional extremes.
I loved madly and experienced joy
in a fucking ecological dimension.
Passive participants in my
annihilation will drink champagne
on the day I mark as the date
my failed love died.
It lasted 153 days. The funeral
will be held on the beach.
Stricken in grief and sorrow,
that's me. RIP.
You fucking prick!
I'll bury you, you son of a bitch.
Fuck you and your broom and mop!
Can I get you a fucking broom?
What a prick.
Listen, I have a request. Starting
today we no longer say "prick."
What do we call it then?
Miroslaw, and call pussies Grazyna.
Come on, Patrycja, let's try.
Patrycja, how's your Grazyna?
Grazyna hasn't seen Miroslaw
for a long time.
She sits in silence suffering,
but doesn't give a shit.
Maybe she could find a Miroslaw
who just comes around.
If he knew how to come around.
Daniela, has your Grazyna
seen Miroslaw today?
The Miroslaw from the safari
was only this big.
No like in Paris, huh?
That was a big boy.
Welcome to the jungle.
Speak of the devil.
I'm throwing a party today.
Nothing but high muckamucks.
What the fuck does muckamucks mean?
Why don't you drop by?
Kisses, Adam.
What if we gave him
a fucking surprise?
What time's the party?
It's already started.
Where's everyone else?
No one else is coming.
Then why'd you ask me to come?
I wanted to see you alone.
Senior Registrar, Adam P.
knows how to party.
Those whatsits.
Those whatsits?
These whatsits?
These whatsits. Baby yes, baby no.
One pregnancy test.
I've done well in life.
You've always dreamed of a hot car.
I bought you a present.
I'm fucking driving to Ostrow.
Most limiting in life was waiting
for someone to complete me.
I will no longer seek confirmation
of my worth in the eyes of a man.
No one was born to give
my life meaning.
Only I can do that.
Unfortunately, we were unable
to harvest a single egg cell.
Not one?
We'll try again in three months.
Beata, we'll find someone else.
This guy's a queer.
I'm done.
- Where to?
- Over there, gents.
We design babies, we extend life,
we increase the size of our clitoris.
Yet we're less happy.
I came up with a fucking great idea.
Pharma companies are mistaken
with drugs for existing illnesses.
You should discover a new illness
and a new drug to treat it.
What illness?
Call me partner.