Box of Moon Light (1996) Movie Script
Look out. Here he comes.
Probably gonna to show us
how to stack the paint.
Hold it, guys.
Let me give you a hand there.
There we go.
Nice and tight up against the wall
with a one-inch interval
between the cans.
All right?
Let's see a double.
Double!
You got it.
You got it.
Hey, Al.
What's going on here, Soapy?
Nothing much.
Just a little game to pass the time.
I suggest that you postpone
this little game of yours
and get back to work...
Pronto!
It's a quarter to fucking 5:00.
That's correct.
Which means we have
exactly 15 more minutes
to get that turbine squared away
for a systems check.
We're on a tight schedule here, guys.
Come on! Work with me.
You got it, Al.
We're with you, now.
Let's break this up.
That turbine's going in 15 minutes.
Let's hit it!
All right, Fuhrman,
you take the left silicon switches.
Get them all primed.
You monkeys start calibrating
the density magnetometers.
Hey, Dex...
Poker game tonight. My room.
I'm there.
You come too, Taco...
and bring Elwood with you.
Now, who gonna bring the beer?
I'll bring the beer.
No, no. you brought moose piss last time.
Taco, you bring the beer.
Nothing wrong with my taste in beer.
Damn. I wish this place had a pool.
What the fuck?
Oh, sorry, man... I mean, Mr. Fountain.
It's all right. It's all right, Dex.
There's no harm done.
You can call me Al, you know?
Al.
Hey, Elwood, wait up, man!
Come on.
Sure. I'd love to play
poker with you guys.
I'll bring the beer.
I... I insist. I'm the boss.
I'll pay for the beer.
Poker?
No, I really have no desire
to play poker with you guys.
Why?
Because it's a stupid game.
You heard me.
It's a stupid, stupid game!
Thank you.
Hey, Al.
What are you thinking
about over here?
Oh, nothing, really.
I'm just thinking.
What can I do for you, Soapy?
I wanted to tell you
I was sorry about the incident today.
The guys were letting off steam.
- It won't happen again.
- It's all right. I understand.
Sometimes I feel like
letting a little steam off myself.
Yeah?
Why don't you come by the room,
play some poker tonight?
Poker?
Hmm.
Hmm. Maybe so.
I got a couple things
to get squared away,
but we'll see.
Ok.
I'll see you there, then.
Room 714.
Take that! Hyah!
Bobby, can you get that?
- Hello.
- Hello, Bob. It's your father.
What are you doing?
Studying.
Good for you. See that?
Summer school's not so bad, is it?
No, sir.
What's 12 times 7?
I'm sorry, Bob. What did you say?
No, it isn't, Bob.
Put your mother on.
- Hi, Al.
- Is he studying, Deb?
I don't get the sense that he's studying.
He's studying, Al.
Well, I want you to get
him some flashcards,
and I want him to know
his multiplication...
Did you have a bad day?
You seem a little tense.
No, Deb, I had a good day.
I had to get firm
with some of the men,
But they took it well, which is good.
Just trying to instill in them
a healthy respect for authority.
I'm sure they all like you
and respect you, Al.
Well, that's not my concern, Deb...
although they did invite me
to a poker game tonight.
That's great!
Are you gonna go?
No, I don't think so.
Oh, come on, Al. You should go.
Listen, deb, I'll go if I feel like going.
If I don't feel like it,
then I'm not gonna go.
No, that's good, Al.
Well, we're right on schedule here,
and it looks like I'll be home
a week from today.
So you're gonna miss the 4th?
Yep. we'll work that weekend,
and I'll fly out on the 5th.
I should get into O'Hare around 4:38.
I can't wait to see you, Al.
I miss you.
Well, Deb, it's my job.
Sorry. I forgot.
Thank god I didn't say
something really stupid
like "I love you."
And I love you, too, Deb.
Oh, mom, should I ask him...
Hold on. Bobby wants
to say something.
Dad, can I get some fireworks?
No, Bob. Fireworks are illegal.
Good night.
Good night.
How's it going?
Ha ha ha ha!
How's it going, guys?
Ha ha!
How's it going?
Hi, guys.
What the hell
did you invite Fountain for?
Don't worry. He won't show.
He's probably in bed right now
with his nose stuck
in the Abcom manual.
He's probably jerking off to it.
Hell, I'll bet he don't even jerk off.
The guy better not show up, man.
He bugs the shit out of me.
Why?
Why? He's an asshole!
Oh, I don't know, Dex.
The way I see,
he's one of those guys
who goes through life like a robot.
He can't help it.
He like a damn machine
on automatic pilot.
I feel kind of sorry for him.
Yeah?
I still think he's an asshole.
So do I.
You may be right.
Are we gonna play poker
here or what?
Bring those pieces
of pipe over there.
We need that front
end loader around here.
Running like clockwork today, Al.
Turbine's in.
We're ready to run the system check
whenever you want
to give her the juice.
Ok. All right. Systems check.
We'll square that away right now.
Jesus, Al.
You look like shit.
What did you do, party all night?
I had a little trouble
sleeping, that's all.
Well, you should
have come by the game.
Yeah, I probably should have.
What's going on, chief?
The job is canceled.
Canceled? what do you mean, canceled?
Canceled over a management decision.
They're giving us all our bonus, and...
They're sending us home.
Dexter moon. There you go, Dex.
Gracias.
Good job, buddy.
Anytime.
All right. Curtis Wiley. Pass this back.
All right. Listen up.
The shuttle van leaves
for the airport at 3:45.
I want all you monkeys to be on time
'cause I'm not missing
that fucking flight.
You got that right.
I'd like for us to take
a moment to thank our chief
for getting us out
of this shithole early...
with a bonus on top of it!
Let's hear it for Al Fountain.
Let's hear it!
Come on.
All right.
I'd like to make a suggestion
based on experience,
some of you guys might...
Hyah!
Take that!
Hello.
Hi, Deb. It's Al.
Hey. Mr. Clockwork.
- What?
- Hyah!
Well, it's 9:00 on the button.
I could almost set my watch by you.
Well, didn't we say
I would call at 9:00?
It's a joke, Al.
Oh ho ho!
I see.
Yeah, now I get it.
Listen, deb, I can't talk too long,
But I just wanted to let you know
that we're still on schedule,
and I'll be seeing you
in exactly 6 days.
Hyah!
What are you doing this weekend?
Oh, I don't know.
Some of the guys
asked me to go fishing.
I might go with them.
That's great!
See, I told you they liked you.
Did you play poker last night?
Yes, and it was a lot of fun.
So... that's it, really.
I'll call you the day after tomorrow.
Wait. don't you want
to speak to Bobby?
No.
I mean, yes.
I'm practically out the door here.
Did you get him the flashcards?
I did, Al.
Good. very good.
Well, good-bye, Deb.
Your father says good night.
Listen, uh, Doris,
I'm looking for a lake
called Splashy Lake.
Never heard of it.
Really?
Well, I went there as a kid.
It was more of
an amusement type of lake.
Paddle boats,
picnic tables, big slide.
Slide?
Yeah. This big slide
that you had to swim out to.
You'd go down this thing,
and it would send
you flying 10, 15 feet
out into the middle of the lake.
It was incredible... really.
There's a swimming pool
over in Neeterboro.
They've got a slide.
Oh. Ok.
Well, thank you, Doris.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
What the hell is this?
"Eddie's mix."
Mix of what?
Just a little drive, that's all.
I'm taking a drive down the road.
Life is a drive...
down the road.
Al Fountain...
Saturday,
June 30th...
Here I come!
I'm gonna get you!
Mom! Mom!
Jackie's trying to spit on me!
Jackie, stop it right now.
Leave your sister alone.
Ok, mom.
I'm just gonna tickle her.
Come here, Candy.
No! Stop! Mom, he's still doing it.
Jackie,
If I have to get your father,
You won't eat tonight.
Come on!
Jackie!
Jackie, I'm going
to wake up your father.
Is that what you want?
Have you ever heard of a place
called splashy lake?
No, but there's a Splatchee Lake
Oh, how do you spell that?
S-p-l-a-t-c-h- double e.
C-h-double e.
Splatchee, not splashy.
Is there paddle boats,
picnic tables... A big slide?
Oh, yeah. Lots of amusements.
I can't believe it.
I've been looking all over
for this place.
I don't know why, really.
I spent a couple days there
when I was a kid,
And I just remember
having a great time.
Me, too.
My brother and I drowned
a cat there once.
Is that right?
Listen, how's the food across the street?
Best I ever ate.
Thank you.
That pie almost looks
homemade, doesn't it?
Mm-hmm.
It does look homemade.
More coffee?
No, thanks.
I get off in half an hour.
Thank god!
First thing I'm going to do
is take off all my clothes,
take a nice, long, hot shower.
That sounds good.
You staying over at the motel?
Actually, yes. I am.
How's the hot water over there?
I don't know.
I haven't tried it yet.
Why?
Just curious.
Just curious, huh?
If she's just curious,
why the hell doesn't she call the motel
and ask them how
the hot water is?
What does she think,
I was just gonna invite her over here
so she could take a shower?
Introducing our exciting
audiotape series,
heavenly faith.
Jesus is strong,
but he needs your help.
Send a check now payable
to Help-The-Lord Industries,
and you'll receive...
Hello.
I'm Varla, and I'm lonely.
Who are you?
Norman.
What a sexy name.
It's making me very hot
and horny just saying it.
Norman.
Wait, there's somebody at the door.
their eyes red with lust.
They rip my gown off,
exposing my naked body
to their evil gaze.
Just as they are about to ravish me,
I stick my fingers into their eyes
and rip out both their eyeballs.
Excuse me... Varla?
I'm sorry, but, uh...
This isn't too stimulating.
Oh, there's that doorbell again.
Oh, it's you...
Norman.
You stand there staring at me.
I'm totally naked
Except for 2 bleeding
human eyeballs in my hands.
You say, "Varla,
I have never before
seen a more beautiful,
hot, sexy woman."
Say it, Norman.
Say it now.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
It's not where you're going
but how you get there that counts.
Al Fountain.
Wait a second.
It's not how you get there
but where you're going that counts.
Is that right?
Jesus Christ.
What is it?
Well, wherever you're going,
I hope to Christ you get there!
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh!
It wouldn't be a very smart thing
for him to do.
Don't think he's gonna
go in, do you?
That's why I wanna talk
to him a little bit.
That wouldn't be a real good idea.
Hello, there.
You're not contemplating a swim, are you?
No, no. no, I'm not.
The wife thought you were going in.
There's a chemical plant
around that cove
Been dumping formaldehyde
in the lake for 15 years.
You step in,
and it'll burn your feet right off.
Jesus!
Thanks for telling me.
No problem.
Didn't wanna have to go in after you.
I'm Luvven Coddle.
This is my wife Wynelle.
Howdy.
Hi.
Al Fountain.
Pleased to meet you.
It is a nice day.
Yeah.
Can I ask you,
is everything all right, Al?
Oh, sure.
Everything's fine.
I haven't been here since I was a kid.
It's kind of a shock
to see it like this.
I can imagine.
But we're used to it.
We walk here every day.
I'm not used to it.
This was a beautiful lake.
You ever go down that slide, Al?
Yes, I did.
Me, too.
Just like flying, wasn't it?
Like a bird
out over that water.
That's exactly what it was like...
flying.
I remember
shooting down that slide and flying...
My God, it must have been...
Oh, 15, 20 feet.
Yeah! Right out into
the middle of the lake.
I remember my dad was yelling
for me to come in.
I pretended like I didn't hear him
and just stayed out there.
And I kept on going down that slide
even though I knew
he was going to give it
to me soon as I got in.
What do you mean, give it to you, Al?
Well, he pulled down my suit
right here on the beach
and he spanked me
with this slide rule
he always carried
around with him.
I'm very sorry to hear that, Al.
It must have been...
humiliating.
Al, can I ask you...
is there something
else troubling you?
Well, what do you mean?
Forgive me for prying, but I...
I sense a yearning in you,
A searching...
Almost as if you're lost.
You've been lost for a long, long time.
Am I right?
Have you found Jesus, Al?
Why? Is he missing?
No. No, Al.
He's with us right now, right here.
Oh. I thought I saw somebody
walking on the water over there.
I don't think your salvation
is a laughing matter, Al.
Have a nice day.
Nice to meet you.
Some people, man,
they got to stick their nose...
Why they can't just mind
their own...
But no, that's not enough.
They have to just...
How about the salvation
of your ass, pal...
When I stick my foot up it?
Holy...
Aah!
Wow!
That was great, man.
You all right?
For crying out loud,
what the hell were you doing?
What do you mean?
Stopping on a blind curve like this!
You almost got us both killed!
Oh, man... I'm sorry.
My car just died on me right here.
I can't even move it. I...
You know anything about engines?
Yeah, a little bit.
Well, I already checked her out.
I'm pretty sure it's the gasket.
Could be that dang
carburetor, though.
Think you could
take a look at her?
All right. Out of the way.
Oh, God.
Hey, what are you doing?
Be careful with that.
Uh, you got trouble, pal.
- Gasket, right?
- No, no, no, no.
It's the distributor.
The drive gear's broken.
This car's going nowhere.
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Shit, shit!
Hey, uh, what are we gonna do?
What are we going to do?
You're not gonna just
leave me out here, are you?
I'll drive you to a service station,
all right?
Wh-what about the car?
You'll just have to leave it.
No. I gotta get her home.
And how do you propose to do that?
I got a chain in my trunk.
There you go, man.
Slap that on her.
Better lock it. Could pop off.
I assume you've got the key.
Shit! Shit, Shit!
Goddamn it!
What did you tell me to lock it for?
Of course I got a key, man!
Ha ha ha!
What do you fucking think?
Hey, come on.
We got to figure out
who's gonna drive.
What do you mean?
Someone's gotta ride
the brake back here,
But I know the road
better than you do.
It gets a little tricky.
I thought you said
you lived down the road.
Yeah, just up the road
a couple, few miles
Through the woods.
All right. You drive...
But be careful.
That's a rented car,
and I'm responsible for it.
Hey, I hear that.
Oh, name's Bucky, by the way.
Some people call me the kid
or, uh, you can call me kid.
Al Fountain.
All right, Al. Like a fountain, huh?
That's great. Listen,
I really appreciate this.
Ok. Let's get going
'cause I've gotta be
someplace, all right?
All right. Thanks, Al.
Don't trip.
Rental, huh?
Ah, I like these babies.
Jesus Christ!
Whoa! Man!
Ha ha ha!
That is some weird shit, Al.
Let's get going!
Easy!
What is this pigpen?
Winston cigarettes?
Cigarette?
It's not funny. It's disgusting.
Hey, how much further?
Ha!
Oh, man, I'm beat!
Well, here we are, Al.
You live here?
Yup. I own my own home.
It ain't much,
but I'm off the grid, man.
That's what counts. Come on in.
I'll turn on some lights.
Look, just get the key
and unlock these cars.
I've still gotta find a motel.
Well...
I'll tell you, man.
Nearest one is a truck stop
whorehouse off exit 58.
Hell, you can stay here.
No, I can't. I've got an important
phone call to make.
Well, shit, I got a phone.
You can use it while I get the key.
Kid?
Kid, where are you?
What the hell happened here?
What?
What's the matter?
What do you mean?
Where's the rest of your house?
Oh, I only bought half.
I got a really good deal.
Listen, the phone's right there.
When you use it,
Only talk for 1 minute,
'cause I'm tapped in illegal,
And anything longer
they can trace.
Christ almighty!
All that driving wore me out.
I'm hitting the sack, ok?
You can have the bed. Ok?
Hey! Hey, wait a second.
No, no. I want you to have it.
You drove me home.
The least I can do.
Hey! Hey, Buck... Give me the key.
Kid! Hey!
The key!
Where's the key?
Yeah.
Hi, Deb. It's Al.
Al! I'm so glad you called.
Where are you?
Remember I told you
I was going fishing?
We're all in a little
cabin together.
That sounds great.
Are you having a good time?
Great time.
Listen, some good news.
We're ahead of schedule,
and it looks like
I'll be coming home early.
Al, that's great!
So we can have a 4th of July.
It looks that way.
I can't wait to see you, Deb.
And now I should go.
Here, say hi to Bobby.
Hi, dad.
Hi, Bob. what's up?
Dad, are the little
fireworks illegal...
The real little ones?
They sure are, Bob.
All fireworks are illegal.
I was just checking.
Good night, dad.
Good night.
Huh?
Morning.
What the hell was that?
M-80.
Them suckers pack a wallop,
don't they?
I got the cars unlocked.
Come on, man.
Get some breakfast
before you take off.
How long have you lived here?
Oh...
I've been off the grid now about 3 years.
Dig in there...
Before it gets mushy.
I know what you're
saying, though.
The place could use
a little work.
You see, I'm kind of
in a mediary stage.
I want to go total
self-sufficient...
Solar power, windmill...
Generate my own electricity.
You know anything
about that stuff?
Yeah, I know something about it.
You see that?
I could tell you had a knack
for things mechanical.
What do you do?
I'm an electrical
engineer, actually...
specializing in field installation
Of Zeus Turbine Generators.
No shit?
I bet you'd even
know how to change
a distributor drive gear.
Am I right?
Listen, kid or Buck
or whatever your name is...
I went out of my way
to get you home last night.
Now I'm badly behind schedule.
I'll drop you off
at the nearest garage,
And after that, you're on your own.
That's fine by me, Al.
Really.
That's fine.
What's with the costume, Buck?
How did you know it was a costume?
Is it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
I was an actor for a while...
In this play about Davy Crockett
In the olden days.
You played Davy Crockett?
Yeah.
No, I mean, I played some guy
standing around with a rifle,
but one night I tried
on Davy's costume,
and it fit me so perfect,
I just took it.
You stole it?
Pull up a second here, Al, will you?
Hold on a second.
Hey, there, Mr. Freaky.
You been waiting for me?
All righty, then.
Let's get something to eat.
You gained a little
weight there, huh?
Eating them apple pies.
All right. There you go.
Unh!
Ok!
What's going on?
Oh, a little business.
I'm in salvage, Al...
specializing in field installation
of ceramic lawn ornaments.
Uh-huh.
Do you know those folks?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, there!
Yeah, I like that dress... real fine!
I'm going to come back
for the squirrels, too.
Take care, now!
All right.
Anytime you wanna move on
is fine by me, Al.
Ok.
When was the last you ordered anything?
Oh, shut up.
I ordered you that
goddamn robe, didn't I?
Yeah!
Hey, Lyle! good buddy!
What the fuck do you want?
Oh, I blew my distributor, man.
This is my friend, Al.
He'll tell you exactly what kind.
I need a distributor drive gear
For a '67 ford galaxy with a 390 v-8.
Isn't he great?
He's my buddy.
Yeah, that guy,
He's one of the best damn
mechanics in the state.
Hey, Wick!
Hey, Doob!
What the hell is shaking?
My left nut.
Ha ha ha! Mine, too.
Hey, what are you guys
doing for the 4th?
Anything going on? Any parties?
Let's get this fan belt
and get the hell out of here.
$40.
That the right one, Al?
You throw that match at me?
No, Wick.
Yeah, he did.
No, I didn't.
I just threw it down.
I was just throwing down
a match, that's all.
Don't you ever do that again.
I won't, Wick.
Hey, where'd you get
the fucking hat?
Ha!
All right, I'm out of here.
Thanks a lot, Lyle.
Wick, Doob... you guys
take it easy, now.
I really appreciate this, Al.
All right.
Give me the wrench.
I'm gonna take a course
or something on auto repair.
A driver should
know his car, Buck.
You see this bolt. It goes on last.
Start her up.
Pump the gas once when I say go.
Go!
Look at that!
You're a goddamn wizard, Al!
All right. Turn it off now.
Great.
I got a customer, Al.
Be right back.
Hey, there, Navajo.
Hey, kid.
How you doing, Jim?
What do you got for me?
I got this beauty here, man.
Check it out.
What do you think?
Man! it's got a nice set of forelegs.
Yeah. right.
Nice chest. Nice mouth.
You got that 60 for me?
One hell of a set
of nice antlers here.
Yeah.
I think I'll take it.
All right!
Watch your back, now.
That's why I got such a big...
watch that head, there.
That'll do you, man.
All right. That's good, man.
Take care, Navajo.
Take care.
All right.
What's the matter?
No receipt?
What for?
So you can calculate your income
when you pay your taxes.
Taxes?
Are you fucking crazy?
I never paid taxes in my life,
and I never will.
I tore up my goddamn
social security card.
I got none of that shit now.
Hell, I don't even have
a driver's license.
Wait a second.
You're driving without a license?
I told you, man.
I'm off the fucking grid!
Your off your f... nut.
You get in an accident
and you injure somebody,
You're going to jail...
Especially if you're
driving intoxicated
With a carload of illegal fireworks.
God, you're... You're right, Al.
I don't know what I was thinking.
I feel really stupid.
Well, it's your life, Buck,
And frankly,
it's none of my business.
Now, listen,
Is there someplace
I can get washed up?
Yeah. there's a big pool
back in the woods.
That's where I take a bath.
Plus it's great swimming.
I am not talking swimming.
I wanna get washed up,
And I wanna get back on the road.
That's what I'm saying, Al.
You jump in, you get cleaned up,
And you take off.
All right. Let me get my shirt.
Distributor drive gear,
Distributor drive gear.
I gotta learn a bit.
It gets complicated in my brain.
You know, I can't...
Hey!
All right!
Here she is, Al.
The water leans a bit to the cool side,
But the Indians say
it's good for your skin tone.
What Indians?
Crowsfeet.
They lived in this valley
for centuries.
Crowsfeet?
They were the first Indians
to tame the wild dog.
Is that a fact?
Yup.
I been studying all
about that stuff, Al.
This is the best way in right here.
You're not gonna wear any underwear?
What for?
There may be someone
in the vicinity.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, yeah!
Hey, come on in, Al!
How do you get out?
There's a rope.
Yeah. You just climb up.
Ok. Look out.
Here I come.
Not bad, huh?
No.
It feels pretty good, actually.
See? there's little fishies.
Whoo!
This is a nice little spot, buck.
Yeah. not many people
know about it, I guess.
Most of the time,
I have it to myself.
Caw! caw!
Hey, where are we going?
I've gotta get out of here.
I thought you said
this was a shortcut.
Well, I never really timed it, Al.
Just always seemed shorter.
Mmm!
Mmm!
Nothing like a tomato
right off the vine, Al.
Go ahead. Try one.
Whose are they?
Some old guy.
He don't give a shit.
I'm gonna take a leak.
Goddamn, I got to piss.
Life is a tomato right off the vine.
Al Fountain...
Monday, July 2nd...
Hey, Al!
Ha ha ha!
Sorry, Al. I thought you'd duck.
You little fucking bastard!
Aah!
Aah!
Ok!
Aah!
We're even.
Yeah, that's cool.
Sucker! yeah!
Chicken!
Oh, he's running!
There he goes.
All right.
Ok. wait!
Wait. Ok. wait!
Wait for what?
Wait for this!
Direct hit. Direct hit.
You're dead.
Ok!
Yaah!
Big shot!
Big man, huh?
Aah!
Whoa! There he goes.
Time out. Get your ammo...
in your face, buddy!
Unh!
That's right!
Ow!
Yeah!
Now he's running.
Double-barrel action.
Ok.
Ha ha ha!
There! Ow!
That's a man's throw.
Time out!
Another one.
Ow! ow!
Ah!
You all right?
Ohh!
Did I get you in the kidneys?
Ha ha!
All right now, boys.
Come on up out of there.
Jesus Christ! It's the police!
Shh! Shh!
I thought you said nobody
cared about these tomatoes!
There they are.
They're right down there.
I can see them.
Let's go, boys.
I can see one of you's
white shirt plain as day...
So why don't you just stand on up,
And let's get this over with?
The hell you doing?
What are you doing?
Take the shirt off!
Take the shirt off!
What's the matter with you?
All right.
Give me that.
Stay down!
Get down! Get down!
Crawl. Crawl. Come on.
I can't when you're on top of me!
Get going, quick. Move! Come on!
Just move! Move! Come on.
Goddamn these little kids!
Why can't they just leave
people's property alone?
They aren't their tomatoes.
Yeah, they know that.
But no, no. They gonna come in here
and waste my time
with this froufrou shit.
I think I recognize
the one in that white shirt.
All right, boys.
You're going to force me
to do something nasty here.
I'm gonna bend you both over...
Get the hell out of here.
Wait. Wait.
...and take my night stick to you.
Wait a minute. Stay here.
Just stay right there.
All right, boys.
I'm getting tired of this shit.
Are you coming out or not?
Don't look like they is.
Are you coming or not?
Aah!
Whoa!
Goddamn it, Floyd!
You stupid son of a bitch!
Get the car!
Look out, boys!
Stand up!
Run!
Oh, Jesus!
Jesus! God! We've killed them!
It just ran right over them.
Well, I'll call for a medic.
Where are they?
Are they alive?
I'm sorry, Al. Really.
I was just trying
to create us a diversion
so we could get away.
That's an old Indian trick.
Yeah? well, let me
tell you something, buck.
That little trick of yours
almost killed an old man
And 2 officers of the law.
Do you think that's funny?
I never thought of it that way.
You're absolutely right.
It was stupid.
You must think I'm a worthless
fucking piece of shit.
Look, buck, I like you,
but I have got to
tell you something.
I think it's time
you got your life squared away.
I think you're right, Al.
Well, good-bye and good luck.
All right.
Al, good-bye.
For Christ's sake...
Where the hell...
are the keys?
What? The car keys?
Yes. The car keys.
All right. Hold on, Al.
When did you last have them?
When I drove you into town.
Ok. Well, let's think.
We got back.
You got out of the car.
What did you do with the keys?
I thought I left them in the car.
Might you have put them
in your pocket?
I might have... yes.
Goddamn it!
I bet they fell out
when you were running around
in that tomato field.
Oh, Christ!
All right. Now, take it easy.
Take it easy, Al.
First light... Crack of dawn...
we go back to that field
and find those goddamn keys.
Crack of dawn?
I have got to get going!
I know you do, Al,
and I'm damn sorry.
I feel responsible.
You're still there?
Hey, don't think
I'm happy about this.
I wanted to get the hell
out of here yesterday.
I just bought $60 worth
of groceries for a cookout.
You and Bob get started,
and I'll try to be there.
Don't let him start the fire.
Now, how's he doing
with the flashcards?
I'll let him tell you.
Here's your dad.
Hi, dad.
Thanks for the flash cards.
They're really helping a lot.
Good. I told you they would.
What's 12 times 8?
Bob?
Uh, 15?
Listen, Bob,
I'm gonna let you go now
because it sounds like you've
still got a lot of work to do.
Thanks, dad. Good night.
Good night.
That's right, man!
'cause he did it!
The little Cubano is tough, Norm.
Yeah!
Uncle Samson!
Oh, come on!
Hey.
Dig in, man.
Save some room for dessert.
There goes the Castroator.
He's in action now!
Like wrestling, Al?
I like college
or high school wrestling,
Not this garbage.
Hey, this ain't
no high school shit.
This is professional wrestling.
That's my guy right there...
Uncle Samson...
Ranked number one
By the PWP and the WPW both.
He's fighting some
Cuban guy from Cuba.
I feel for Sam now.
This is a sad day for Uncle Sam.
Ooh! Oh, no! Look out!
Get away from there!
You greasy bastard!
Come on! Get away from there!
Yeah!
You go, Sam!
I don't believe it! I can't watch.
Sam's coming back.
Look out, Castroator!
What did I tell you, Al?
Tough, isn't he?
Shaking off a blow
to the head like that!
You know it's all fake, don't you?
What is?
The whole thing...
The kicks, the punches,
the chair smashing...
They plan out every fight...
who's going to win
and who's going to lose.
It's all fake.
Everybody knows that.
Uh, Al, I know you're smart
'cause you got
a scientific-style job,
but you're not using common sense.
If this fight is fake
and everybody knows it's fake,
Why in the hell would
anybody waste their time
sitting around watching it?
That's a question you might
want to answer one day, Buck.
I know the answer.
This is what's happening
all over America, Al.
This country's being taken over
By smart people with no common sense.
And that's why I'm out here, man.
Just me, my instincts, and nature.
That's all you need.
You see that moon up there?
Look at that moon!
Shit, in the city
you wouldn't even
be able to see that!
The three-quarter moon,
just about to slip
into its second phase.
Well, I don't know about that, Al.
The Indians call that
a creamy corn moon.
What are you thinking about, Al?
Well, it's kind of hard to say this,
but I've, uh...
started seeing things.
Oh.
What kind of things
are you seeing, huh?
Well, I'm seeing things moving...
backwards.
Like, someone pouring
a cup of coffee,
I'll see the coffee
flowing out of the cup
back into the pot.
Are you serious?
Yes. And other things, too.
I saw a kid riding a bike,
pedaling just like normal,
Except he was moving backwards.
Jesus, that's wild, man.
Yeah. well, I'm a little worried, actually.
I never know when
it's going to happen.
Well, listen, Al, don't worry about it.
That's the main thing.
You know, the Indians
saw shit all the time.
They had visions 24 hours a day.
You think they worried
about it? Hell, no.
And don't worry about
them car keys, either.
We'll find them.
I know right where to look, ok?
Hey.
Look what that moon's
doing over here.
Oh, watch this.
Now I got a little box of moonlight.
See that, Al?
See what I did there?
How's that hangover, Al?
It's gone, right?
Well, it's starting to go.
I told you, man. It's this water.
Funny about them keys, huh?
I thought sure we'd find them.
I've got another plan, kid.
I'll call the rental office
when we get back to the house.
They'll call a local locksmith,
give them the key code
for the model number of my car,
and I'll have a new
set of keys delivered
in less than an hour.
Damn, man. That's a great idea.
Why the hell didn't I think of that?
It's called planning ahead, kid.
You should try it sometime.
Hey, hey, hey. Look at this.
Whoa.
What is it?
Yeah. someone was here yesterday.
Mm-hmm.
"size 5.
Mm-hmm.
She's 15...
She's redhead...
Either a cheerleader
or a swimsuit model.
- Get the hell out of here.
- No, no. I'm serious. Smell.
I'm not going to smell
somebody's underwear.
Come on, smell.
I'll show you something.
- Smell that?
- What?
A kind of dry mustard smell
mixed with, like, a bubblegum.
Smell?
Mm-hmm. Keep sniffing.
Keep sniffing.
I don't smell anything.
Sure you do.
I don't.
Oh, come on, man!
Your senses are gone!
To my nose, it's overpowering.
You see that?
That's called sensory attunement.
You should try that sometime.
Ok. I'll start sniffing underwear
Every chance I get, All right?
Let's head on back.
I have a call to make.
Oh, that's right.
Gotta get those new keys
so you can get the heck
out of here.
It's not where you're going in life.
It's how you get
the hell out of there.
What's that, Al?
Where the hell are these people
at 12:00 in the afternoon?
I don't know. Lunch?
Try them in an hour.
Is that gun loaded?
You bet your ass it is.
You think I'm gonna let them F.B.I.
sneak up on me?
No fucking way.
Well, just be careful with it.
Hey, I know how
to handle a gun, ok?
Do you?
I've shot a gun before.
Good.
Let's go get me a rabbit or something.
I'm fucking starving.
No, kid.
I have to make this call, all right?
We come back in an hour,
you make your fucking call.
Here. I'll get a shotgun.
Plus, I gotta show you something, man.
Open your eyes up
before you split out of here.
Wow.
Look at that. wow.
It's a deer.
Yeah, that's right.
Let's take a look.
It's a fake. It's a statue.
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
It looked real, though, didn't it?
- Who put it here?
- Me, man! Who do you think?
It looks great there, really.
It's great.
Thanks.
For what?
For showing it to me.
Oh, that's not what
I wanted to show you.
I got something.
It's going to blow your mind.
You wanted proof?
Here it is.
Come on.
All right. here we go.
You wanted C.I.A.?
I'll show you C.I.A.
What the hell...
A C.I.A. nerve-gas factory,
That's what the hell.
They're making nerve gas
To use in the war against
their own people, ok?
Ohh...
Just blows your mind.
I don't believe it.
I just spent 2 days driving...
In a goddamn circle.
What are you talking about?
That's the job I told you I was working on.
Christ.
The car-rental place is right in town.
What are you t...
Wait a second. You worked here?
For a month. It's not a nerve-gas factory.
It's a semiautomated facility
For the manufacture of windshield wipers.
Oh, I don't believe that for a second.
All right. You want some proof?
Come on.
I'll give you some proof.
Follow me.
This is a Zeus 8000
turbine generator.
It doesn't make nerve gas.
It makes electricity,
That electricity was going
to provide the power
for the entire assembly line.
Making windshield wipers?
That's correct.
I suppose if you equipped
enough people
with windshield wipers,
you could probably
take over the world.
Ha ha! Yeah.
I can't believe you worked here, man.
I could never do this shit.
Didn't you hate it,
Always having someone
telling you what to do,
Some asshole boss?
Hey, Al?
What?
Come here.
Think you can hit that bottle there?
It's in front of the window.
You can't hit it.
Whoa! hey, close.
That was close, Al. Let me try.
Yeah!
Jesus Christ, kid, that's an $800 window!
Oh, baby!
That's $1,600 right there!
Hey, what's in those cans, Al?
Paint.
You sure?
Yeah, that's paint, all right.
All right!
Yeah!
Yeah! yeah!
Reload!
Windows!
Yeah!
Shazam!
Whoa!
I'm telling you, kid,
this dog could climb trees.
I'm serious.
I don't believe it.
He would just take off
and run up the trunk.
What was his name?
Barky. He was just a mutt.
He was all white
except for one black ear.
He found this rubber monkey somewhere,
And every day, when
I came home from school,
he'd be sitting in the front yard
with that damn monkey in his mouth,
waiting for me to throw it for him.
Kid, I'm telling you,
I threw that monkey for hours.
You still got him?
No.
I let him out one night
right before I went to bed,
and when I came in,
he was shaking, breathing funny.
I asked my dad
if we should take him to the vet,
and he said,
"no. It's after 9:00.
It's probably closed.
We'll take him in the morning."
So we went to sleep.
Soon as it was light,
I look under my bed...
Because that's where
Barky always slept...
and I saw his tongue
sticking out, all black.
I touched him,
and he was already hard,
like there was cement under his fur.
He was... he was dead.
My dad said he must
have eaten some poison.
Your dad's a fucking asshole!
Why?
He should have taken him to the vet!
I don't care what time it was!
He was your dog, Al!
Goddamn it, man. I can't believe it.
Kid, what's the matter?
Kid?
Kid!
You lost a hubcap over there.
Good. they're open. I'll be right back.
How did you lose them, Mr. Fountain?
Carelessness, I'm afraid, Doris.
Where is the car now?
It's safe and sound.
It's at my friend's house.
It's a few miles outside of town.
I'm going to have to charge you
a $25 key-replacement fee.
Fair enough.
$25.
I hope, for your sake,
you don't lose these.
Mr. Fountain?
Mr. Fountain?
Hold on, Doris.
You just said something
that was very, very smart.
What?
Well, why should I spend
my last 2 days here
worrying about losing keys,
Especially since my friend has a car?
I am going to give you directions,
and what I'd like you to do
is to deliver these keys to me
bright and early
on Thursday morning.
We don't have a key-delivery service,
Mr. Fountain.
I see.
But if you did...
I bet you would have
some kind of key-delivery fee.
Doris?
Have a nice day.
Just my luck.
Someone broke in this morning
and stole all the goddamn keys.
You're kidding me.
What about the key codes
you told me about?
The bastard stole them, too.
Soonest they can get me
another set
is Thursday morning.
What are you going to do?
Find a hotel, I guess. I don't know.
I suppose you could
stay at my place.
I... I appreciate that, kid,
but I'll only stay at your place
on one condition.
You let me buy you some food.
I got food.
Yeah, but I thought maybe
we could do a little
You know, barbecue chicken,
make some hamburgers.
You like corn on the cob?
Are you kidding me?
That's nature's perfect food.
Good. Chicken, hamburgers,
corn on the cob.
Beer? Jelly doughnuts?
Watermelon.
Fireworks!
Hey, that's not a bad idea.
We'll get some sparklers.
Sparklers?
Are you fucking crazy?
I got a whole box of fireworks, man...
Real ones.
I'm afraid those are illegal, Kid.
Ha ha ha ha!
What about breakfast
supplies, kid?
We're running a little low.
Yeah. Good idea.
Oh, here we go.
What are you doing?
My treat, kid.
What else do you need? Luncheon meats?
Yeah, yeah, and jelly doughnuts.
- Jelly doughnuts?
- Yeah. Got to have them.
All right.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Man, watch where you're going!
I'm sorry.
What the hell are you looking at?
Oh, nothing.
Well, then get the fuck
out of here, man.
Thanks.
Sure. Don't mention it.
Jesus!
Hey, bud, what's going on?
Someone just saw Jesus on that sign.
Where?
In the fire, right below the hamburger.
Come on, honey.
Get out of here.
You see anything, Al?
No.
Me neither.
Damn it.
You know, I always
just miss those things.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Take that, Saddam insane!
Yeah! Ha ha ha ha!
Yeah, you.
We got back to the plant today
and found some vandals had broken in
while we were gone
and did some minor
damage to the turbines.
I'm afraid we're gonna
be delayed another day.
Let me get this straight, Al.
First you said you were
coming home on the 5th.
Then you said the 3rd.
Then it was the 4th.
Now, after all this talk
about coming home early,
Once again, you're telling me you
won't be coming home until the 5th.
That's correct, Deb.
Early afternoon on the 5th,
And I just want to say,
I really look forward to seeing you.
Well, Al,
Guess I'll see you on the fifth, then...
or the 6th or the 8th or the 10th
or whenever the hell it is
you feel like coming home.
Here's your son.
Here.
It's your dad.
Hi, dad.
Hi, Bob. Mom's in a bad mood?
I think so.
I tell you what then, Bob.
I only got a second.
I know you're busy.
Let's just do an easy one.
What's 12 x 2?
Bob, come on, now.
That's an easy one. 12 x 2.
I don't know.
Bob, what are you doing?
Nothing.
Are you crying?
No, sir.
Hey, hey, hey, Bob, come on, now.
Pull yourself together.
There's nothing to be upset about.
Everything's fine.
Just keep at those flashcards.
You'll be all right, ok?
Ok.
And a miracle happened today,
according to Willard Snarp
of Drip Rock,
who claims to have seen
the face of Jesus on a billboard
outside the big lucky
shopping center on route 17.
It's Jesus, all right,
dressed in modern clothes,
wearing a suit and a bow tie.
Can you point him out to us?
There, in the flames.
Experts from the Vatican
will arrive on Monday
to authenticate the sighting. Tina?
In other religious news,
police today arrested a local minister,
charging him with
a brutal triple murder.
Police say Reverend Luvven Coddle
entered the home of Earl
and Lindy Sykes last night
and hacked them to death
with a small ax.
Their 6-year-old daughter
Mandy was also killed.
Neighbors told police
the Sykes had recently withdrawn
from Reverend Coddle's
church of hope and light.
Hey, shut the fuck up!
Goddamn it.
Goddamn it!
Killing a 6-year-old girl.
Oh, what the hell is wrong with people?
It makes you want to
just get a machine gun
And do something.
Hey, don't open that!
Why not?
You'll let the moonlight out, man.
Come on. Use your head.
Let's get out of here.
What do you mean?
Don't you know a bar in town?
Come on. I'll buy you a drink.
Hey, good idea.
I'm sick of sitting around this place.
Hey, stinky.
What's happening?
Barnett.
My best friend, Al Fountain.
Al's a nuclear engineer.
Electrical, actually.
Field installation of
Zeus turbine generators.
What line of work are you in, Stinky?
I work over at the car wash.
Oh, really? Doing what?
Washing cars. What do you fucking think?
Good. How about you, Barnett?
Cesspools. Got my own truck.
Hey, is this yours, Stinky?
No.
In cesspools?
My wife has 2 uncles in cesspools.
They don't get along at all.
Big cesspool people.
Hey, Wick. Hey, Doob.
Davy fuckhead.
You hear about Jesus?
Fuck you.
Are you fucking with me?
No, wick. What's the matter?
You threw another match at me.
No, wick. All I got is a lighter, see?
All right. That's it, goddamn it.
Oh!
Get the fuck out of here!
I'm going to kill you, mother...
Aah!
All right, little Davy. Come on!
Come on!
No, Wick. Don't. Don't, Wick.
Your stupid hat!
All right, Doob, let's get a beer.
Hey, guys. What's up, Bobby?
Fuckers. These fucking...
Easy.
They got us, man.
Just take it easy.
They got us, man.
Al, I want you to go in the woods.
I want you to get some blood weed.
I'll just sit and rest
here for a minute.
Then we're gonna sneak
into Wick's house
when he's asleep,
and we're gonna smear
that shit all over him.
What do you mean, blood weed?
His face and his mouth and his eyes.
He ever stops bleeding,
he's gonna be blind...
All right. Come on, now.
For the rest of his life.
Then we'll see that fucker jump
every time I light a match.
Let me take a look at you, all right?
I'm all right.
Come on, get going.
Take a flashlight,
and wear gloves, ok?
Listen to me, kid.
We're not gonna go anywhere,
all right?
We're not going anywhere.
You're not gonna help me?
I am trying...
I am trying to help you.
Now, cut this crap out.
All right, I'll do it myself.
Kid, come on, now. Calm down.
Calm down? Calm down? Calm down?
At least you can help me, man!
Why aren't you gonna
fucking help me?
I thought you were my friend, man!
Why ain't you gonna help me?
You fucking help me!
You fucking help me.
You fucking help me, man!
Kid, kid...
Help me, man.
Help me, man.
All right. take it easy. Come on.
Take it easy.
Take it easy. Come on. Come on.
Come on.
What's the matter, Al?
I don't know.
Maybe this whole trip of mine
was just a big mistake.
Hey, Purlene,
here's your underwear.
Are they dry?
I don't know.
Almost.
Ahem.
Ahh!
Whoo!
How are y'all doing?
Name's Bucky, by the way.
You can call me the Kid or just kid...
anything you want to call me.
What is your name?
Floatie.
Sisters? Hey, get out of town.
Hey, Al, come on over!
Come on! They want to talk to you.
Come on.
Whew.
How about that water, huh?
Al, this is, uh, Purlene...
Purlene and Flighty.
Nice to meet you.
We saw them in the store
yesterday, remember?
What were you crying about?
Oh, well, I lost my job.
It was a really good one, too.
I just... I didn't...
I only was there for about a...
They're sisters. Isn't that crazy?
Sisters? Really? Very nice.
Where are you from?
Chicago.
Al's a nuclear engineer.
Electrical, actually...
Field installation
of Zeus turbine generators.
Some people can give an electric shock
just by looking at you.
What about you, buttercup?
You a swimsuit model?
What?
You are, aren't you?
Come on, now. Fess up, girl.
Look, buddy, I work over
at Deever's Tire Service,
and I hate to say it, but...
I think it's time you came in
and got your fucking
wheels rebalanced.
Yeah. Ha ha ha.
I'll tell you something.
You used to be a cheerleader?
Didn't you?
In the fourth fucking grade.
And your hair's not
really blond, is it?
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
Her hair's red. She's a redhead.
She's got a bright red bush.
I don't believe you said that.
All right, Al.
I'm not gonna say anything.
So what's with you guys?
Were y'all in a car wreck?
No.
We got jumped last night
over at Bambi's
By 6 fucking sailors.
What kind of sailors?
I ain't never seen
no sailors in Drip Rock.
Wasn't it sailors, Al?
No. they were marines. 5 of them.
That's a great movie...
Green Berets.
Ever see that movie?
I really liked it.
John Wayne, a Japanese guy,
and, uh, Kim Darby.
Damn, it's hot. I'm burning up.
Jump in the water, then, fireball.
Yeah, but I might take my suit off.
Looks like underwear to me.
Well, he's wearing underwear, too,
And you can see right through it.
Yeah, I noticed that.
Yeah?
So we're wearing underwear. So what?
We're just wearing them
'cause you're here.
Usually we go naked.
So do we.
Yeah?
Well, then let's all
take our suits off, ok?
Is that all right with everyone?
Yeah. Go ahead.
Where you going?
I'm gonna jump off this rock, man.
Is that all right with you?
Ever try it naked?
All right, look, peckerhead.
I ain't taking off the suit,
So just forget about it.
Come on, girl.
Whoo! Whoo!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Look at you.
You can't even swim.
Sure I can!
What do you think I'm doing now?
That's the fucking dog paddle.
My name's Floatie, not Flighty.
Oh.
Ok.
Excuse me for a second, Floatie.
I've gotta check something.
Hey, Floatie,
Come on in
And help me drown this here stray dog!
Yee-haw!
Yow!
Arf arf arf!
Yeah!
Come on, Al!
Maybe later.
I think it came off in that jump!
If you don't wanna parade around
in your wet underwear,
You don't have to, Al.
It's your choice.
Each man can choose
how he marches in the parade of life.
Al Fountain, Wednesday...
July 4th, 1:05 p.m.
Whoo! Go on, girl!
Whoo!
Arf arf arf arf!
Sisters.
You go, sister!
Whoo!
Oohhh!
Yeah! Come on, Al!
Go!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Come on, kid!
Oh, man!
Yeah!
That smells good.
Hey! All right.
What's with the corn, Al?
Well, you didn't have a pot,
so we'll just toss them in.
They'll cook that way?
Oh, yeah. About 15, 20 minutes.
Wow. Hey.
Hey, where's that
weird tape of yours?
The girls might like it.
What girls?
Purlene and Flighty.
I invited them over for dinner.
Why?
Well, they weren't
doing anything,
and Floatie's still
feeling a little low.
She kind of likes you, Al.
Does she?
Yep. Purlene told me so.
Kid, let's get something
squared away right now.
I'm a married man.
I don't make a habit
of fooling around
with every woman
who kind of likes me.
I'm glad to hear that, man.
Really.
Now, where's the tape?
Look in the car.
Thank you for inviting us.
I really like your house.
Thanks.
You got a kitchen area,
a living room, a dining room.
Al's gonna come in here
and do a whole job on it.
He's gonna do the whole
self-sufficient thing
so I get the solar power,
I get the whole thing.
he's gonna put the jazz in,
the pool table,
the this and the that.
'cause Al knows about that.
He's a nuclear engineer.
You know, Al and I do porno films.
On our free time, of course.
Ha ha ha!
Got 3 more burgers
cooking over there.
How about it, Flighty?
Floatie.
I'm sorry.
Purlene?
No, not me.
I got my jeans unbuttoned now.
Yeah?
Let's see.
Oh! Get out of here, man.
He's like a goddamn dog.
He is.
Remember... Remember Sneaky?
Remember that little stray,
Used to sleep in the garage?
Oh, yeah...
With that one ear
that never went down.
Same hair...
Same eye.
Well, you all look
pretty great yourselves.
Don't they, Al?
Very nice.
I never did have corn cooked this way.
Oh, that's Al.
He made the corn and the chicken,
but I cooked the burgers.
You boys would make
some good husbands.
Yeah, we probably would.
Too bad we ain't looking for any.
Ha ha ha ha.
Well, we're not either.
Besides, Al's already
married. Right, Al?
Do you not feel well?
Actually,
my head has started hurting me again.
Here.
Take one of these.
What are they?
It's just aspirin,
A little something extra.
Thank you.
Yeah. I got a headache, too.
Well, help yourself.
Floatie?
Yeah. I feel a headache coming on.
Well, excuse me.
I've gotta tend the fire.
Pow! Pow! Pow, Pow!
Pow! Get up there!
- Get up there!
- Be careful now, there, kid.
Yeah!
Wow!
Better than fucking sparklers, huh?
Ha ha ha! Yeah!
Burn, baby, burn!
Space rockets to the moon!
And Uranus!
Hah!
Oh!
Hey!
Look at that, Purl.
Niagara Falls,
Watch this, y'all!
Look at this, man.
I got me a flamethrower.
Hyah! take that, man. Take that!
Yes! yes!
Hey.
Hey, you feeling all right, Al?
Oh, yeah. I feel fine.
I just figured something out.
This whole backward
phenomenon of mine
started the day I noticed
my first gray hair.
You see that?
It's me. I am doing it.
I am trying to stop time!
Whoa, man, that's heavy!
Ha ha ha!
Wow! Hey, man,
you don't like Floatie?
What?
Floatie. She thinks you don't like her
'cause of that mark on her face.
That's ridiculous. Where is she?
She's over there at the dinner table.
All right.
I'm gonna go talk to her, kid,
let her know everything's fine here.
Ok?
Thanks.
You're all right, kid.
I mean it. You really are.
So don't worry.
I'm gonna go over there now,
and I'm gonna get
everything squared away.
Where were you working, Floatie?
Uh, I was in phone sales.
Oh, really.
Office supplies or clothing catalogs?
Sex.
Excuse me?
Phone sex?
Company called, um...
Love Phone.
You ever heard of it?
No. I'm, uh, I'm afraid I haven't.
It was the perfect job for me.
I'm kind of a quiet person, Al.
I like to just sit around and...
think up things...
you know, fantasies...
Not all of them about sex.
I got a whole bunch
of stories in my mind
about a princess
who can kill people
just by looking at them.
But she only does it
to guys who are mean to her,
because there are a lot
of nice guys out there.
I know. I talked to a lot of them
on the phone.
What the hell are you trying to do?
Why were you fired?
They tried me for a week,
but, um, guys kept hanging up on me.
I guess I'm just one of those people
who aren't sexy...
even if it is just over the phone.
Now, hold on a second, Floatie.
I think you're exaggerating
a little bit there.
What do you mean?
Well, I think you're...
Sexy.
Oh! Turn that tape over.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Here we go.
Hey, wow, man.
All right, Al!
Huh!
Hey, hey!
Right on.
Righteous, man.
All right.
Ha ha ha!
Come on.
Shake that thing.
Over here. Come on.
You idiot. Put that down!
Whoo!
Whoa!
Yeah! there you go.
Take it off, girl.
Looking good.
Whoo! Oh, yeah!
Sexy, sexy, sexy!
Ha ha ha!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Hey, check it out!
Al's getting naked!
Get her, Al!
Whoo!
Go, kid!
Whoa! Ha ha ha!
Mr. Fountain?
Good morning, Doris. How are you?
I brought your extra set of car keys,
Mr. Fountain.
Thank you very much
for bringing them out. I...
won't get up
because I'm not dressed.
You could just leave them
on the bed, please.
Thank you.
Thank you, Doris. I appreciate it.
Did you want to buy
something, ma'am?
I got some birds there. Giraffe?
A beautiful rubber snake.
Where are you going?
Oh! careful.
Oh!
I'm letting that go for about 25.
Oh, shut up!
What's going on?
I got the circle substitute
set number 1225-a.
Oh, was that the rent-a-car chick?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, man, I thought
she was a customer.
Yeah. Doris.
To hell with both of you!
Well, it was nice
to meet you, Al.
Me, too, Floatie.
Jesus, let me get a breath!
Sorry.
I just wanted something
to remember you by.
What, are you leaving
the country?
No. why? you wanna
come over tonight?
I don't know.
I tell you one thing, though.
I ain't sleeping
in no goddamn chair.
Well, I got some beds.
Bye, Bucky.
Bye, baby.
Hey, get away from the car, man.
- I mean it.
- I'm hanging on!
- Whoa!
- Oh, be careful!
I'm all right.
Bye-bye, baby!
Whoo!
There you go, Al.
You're out of here.
I guess so, kid.
Hey, listen,
you ever down this way again,
You just drop in, ok?
I mean, anytime. I mean it.
Will do, kid,
and you've got my number.
If you ever get to Chicago,
Give me a call.
All right. Sure. Hey...
I might get out there one day.
Well, good-bye, kid.
So long, Al.
Oh, wait a second.
Just a little momentum
from your stay here.
Thanks, kid.
Ha ha ha!
Thank you very much.
You take care of yourself.
Hey, you know me, Al.
Ha ha ha!
- 9 times 8 is...72.
- Hey, there.
How's it going, Bob?
Good.
I have them memorized, Dad.
I only need about
I'll tell you what.
Why don't we just put these
on hold for a moment?
There's no rush here.
I'll help you,
and we'll do them
together sometime, ok?
Have a seat.
So, you had a good 4th?
Yes, sir.
Good.
Here's a little something for you, Bob.
What is it?
You'll find out.
Ok. I'll see you in a bit, all right?
How's he doing?
We didn't get into it, Deb.
I figured, you know,
what the hell?
I just got home.
I'll deal with it tomorrow.
Great. soon as you're
unpacked, we can eat.
It's a little early, isn't it?
Early?
It's 7:00.
You always eat at 7:00.
Oh, that's right. I forgot. I'm...
Mr. Clockwork.
Yeah, mister, uh...
I'm glad you're home, Al.
Well, Deb, I'm glad to be home.
I missed you.
I found this in the woods.
I thought you could use it
to put your jewelry in it.
Just caught my eye.
Thanks, Al. It's beautiful.
I think so, too.
Oh, what is this?
Now, whose are these?
Probably gonna to show us
how to stack the paint.
Hold it, guys.
Let me give you a hand there.
There we go.
Nice and tight up against the wall
with a one-inch interval
between the cans.
All right?
Let's see a double.
Double!
You got it.
You got it.
Hey, Al.
What's going on here, Soapy?
Nothing much.
Just a little game to pass the time.
I suggest that you postpone
this little game of yours
and get back to work...
Pronto!
It's a quarter to fucking 5:00.
That's correct.
Which means we have
exactly 15 more minutes
to get that turbine squared away
for a systems check.
We're on a tight schedule here, guys.
Come on! Work with me.
You got it, Al.
We're with you, now.
Let's break this up.
That turbine's going in 15 minutes.
Let's hit it!
All right, Fuhrman,
you take the left silicon switches.
Get them all primed.
You monkeys start calibrating
the density magnetometers.
Hey, Dex...
Poker game tonight. My room.
I'm there.
You come too, Taco...
and bring Elwood with you.
Now, who gonna bring the beer?
I'll bring the beer.
No, no. you brought moose piss last time.
Taco, you bring the beer.
Nothing wrong with my taste in beer.
Damn. I wish this place had a pool.
What the fuck?
Oh, sorry, man... I mean, Mr. Fountain.
It's all right. It's all right, Dex.
There's no harm done.
You can call me Al, you know?
Al.
Hey, Elwood, wait up, man!
Come on.
Sure. I'd love to play
poker with you guys.
I'll bring the beer.
I... I insist. I'm the boss.
I'll pay for the beer.
Poker?
No, I really have no desire
to play poker with you guys.
Why?
Because it's a stupid game.
You heard me.
It's a stupid, stupid game!
Thank you.
Hey, Al.
What are you thinking
about over here?
Oh, nothing, really.
I'm just thinking.
What can I do for you, Soapy?
I wanted to tell you
I was sorry about the incident today.
The guys were letting off steam.
- It won't happen again.
- It's all right. I understand.
Sometimes I feel like
letting a little steam off myself.
Yeah?
Why don't you come by the room,
play some poker tonight?
Poker?
Hmm.
Hmm. Maybe so.
I got a couple things
to get squared away,
but we'll see.
Ok.
I'll see you there, then.
Room 714.
Take that! Hyah!
Bobby, can you get that?
- Hello.
- Hello, Bob. It's your father.
What are you doing?
Studying.
Good for you. See that?
Summer school's not so bad, is it?
No, sir.
What's 12 times 7?
I'm sorry, Bob. What did you say?
No, it isn't, Bob.
Put your mother on.
- Hi, Al.
- Is he studying, Deb?
I don't get the sense that he's studying.
He's studying, Al.
Well, I want you to get
him some flashcards,
and I want him to know
his multiplication...
Did you have a bad day?
You seem a little tense.
No, Deb, I had a good day.
I had to get firm
with some of the men,
But they took it well, which is good.
Just trying to instill in them
a healthy respect for authority.
I'm sure they all like you
and respect you, Al.
Well, that's not my concern, Deb...
although they did invite me
to a poker game tonight.
That's great!
Are you gonna go?
No, I don't think so.
Oh, come on, Al. You should go.
Listen, deb, I'll go if I feel like going.
If I don't feel like it,
then I'm not gonna go.
No, that's good, Al.
Well, we're right on schedule here,
and it looks like I'll be home
a week from today.
So you're gonna miss the 4th?
Yep. we'll work that weekend,
and I'll fly out on the 5th.
I should get into O'Hare around 4:38.
I can't wait to see you, Al.
I miss you.
Well, Deb, it's my job.
Sorry. I forgot.
Thank god I didn't say
something really stupid
like "I love you."
And I love you, too, Deb.
Oh, mom, should I ask him...
Hold on. Bobby wants
to say something.
Dad, can I get some fireworks?
No, Bob. Fireworks are illegal.
Good night.
Good night.
How's it going?
Ha ha ha ha!
How's it going, guys?
Ha ha!
How's it going?
Hi, guys.
What the hell
did you invite Fountain for?
Don't worry. He won't show.
He's probably in bed right now
with his nose stuck
in the Abcom manual.
He's probably jerking off to it.
Hell, I'll bet he don't even jerk off.
The guy better not show up, man.
He bugs the shit out of me.
Why?
Why? He's an asshole!
Oh, I don't know, Dex.
The way I see,
he's one of those guys
who goes through life like a robot.
He can't help it.
He like a damn machine
on automatic pilot.
I feel kind of sorry for him.
Yeah?
I still think he's an asshole.
So do I.
You may be right.
Are we gonna play poker
here or what?
Bring those pieces
of pipe over there.
We need that front
end loader around here.
Running like clockwork today, Al.
Turbine's in.
We're ready to run the system check
whenever you want
to give her the juice.
Ok. All right. Systems check.
We'll square that away right now.
Jesus, Al.
You look like shit.
What did you do, party all night?
I had a little trouble
sleeping, that's all.
Well, you should
have come by the game.
Yeah, I probably should have.
What's going on, chief?
The job is canceled.
Canceled? what do you mean, canceled?
Canceled over a management decision.
They're giving us all our bonus, and...
They're sending us home.
Dexter moon. There you go, Dex.
Gracias.
Good job, buddy.
Anytime.
All right. Curtis Wiley. Pass this back.
All right. Listen up.
The shuttle van leaves
for the airport at 3:45.
I want all you monkeys to be on time
'cause I'm not missing
that fucking flight.
You got that right.
I'd like for us to take
a moment to thank our chief
for getting us out
of this shithole early...
with a bonus on top of it!
Let's hear it for Al Fountain.
Let's hear it!
Come on.
All right.
I'd like to make a suggestion
based on experience,
some of you guys might...
Hyah!
Take that!
Hello.
Hi, Deb. It's Al.
Hey. Mr. Clockwork.
- What?
- Hyah!
Well, it's 9:00 on the button.
I could almost set my watch by you.
Well, didn't we say
I would call at 9:00?
It's a joke, Al.
Oh ho ho!
I see.
Yeah, now I get it.
Listen, deb, I can't talk too long,
But I just wanted to let you know
that we're still on schedule,
and I'll be seeing you
in exactly 6 days.
Hyah!
What are you doing this weekend?
Oh, I don't know.
Some of the guys
asked me to go fishing.
I might go with them.
That's great!
See, I told you they liked you.
Did you play poker last night?
Yes, and it was a lot of fun.
So... that's it, really.
I'll call you the day after tomorrow.
Wait. don't you want
to speak to Bobby?
No.
I mean, yes.
I'm practically out the door here.
Did you get him the flashcards?
I did, Al.
Good. very good.
Well, good-bye, Deb.
Your father says good night.
Listen, uh, Doris,
I'm looking for a lake
called Splashy Lake.
Never heard of it.
Really?
Well, I went there as a kid.
It was more of
an amusement type of lake.
Paddle boats,
picnic tables, big slide.
Slide?
Yeah. This big slide
that you had to swim out to.
You'd go down this thing,
and it would send
you flying 10, 15 feet
out into the middle of the lake.
It was incredible... really.
There's a swimming pool
over in Neeterboro.
They've got a slide.
Oh. Ok.
Well, thank you, Doris.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
What the hell is this?
"Eddie's mix."
Mix of what?
Just a little drive, that's all.
I'm taking a drive down the road.
Life is a drive...
down the road.
Al Fountain...
Saturday,
June 30th...
Here I come!
I'm gonna get you!
Mom! Mom!
Jackie's trying to spit on me!
Jackie, stop it right now.
Leave your sister alone.
Ok, mom.
I'm just gonna tickle her.
Come here, Candy.
No! Stop! Mom, he's still doing it.
Jackie,
If I have to get your father,
You won't eat tonight.
Come on!
Jackie!
Jackie, I'm going
to wake up your father.
Is that what you want?
Have you ever heard of a place
called splashy lake?
No, but there's a Splatchee Lake
Oh, how do you spell that?
S-p-l-a-t-c-h- double e.
C-h-double e.
Splatchee, not splashy.
Is there paddle boats,
picnic tables... A big slide?
Oh, yeah. Lots of amusements.
I can't believe it.
I've been looking all over
for this place.
I don't know why, really.
I spent a couple days there
when I was a kid,
And I just remember
having a great time.
Me, too.
My brother and I drowned
a cat there once.
Is that right?
Listen, how's the food across the street?
Best I ever ate.
Thank you.
That pie almost looks
homemade, doesn't it?
Mm-hmm.
It does look homemade.
More coffee?
No, thanks.
I get off in half an hour.
Thank god!
First thing I'm going to do
is take off all my clothes,
take a nice, long, hot shower.
That sounds good.
You staying over at the motel?
Actually, yes. I am.
How's the hot water over there?
I don't know.
I haven't tried it yet.
Why?
Just curious.
Just curious, huh?
If she's just curious,
why the hell doesn't she call the motel
and ask them how
the hot water is?
What does she think,
I was just gonna invite her over here
so she could take a shower?
Introducing our exciting
audiotape series,
heavenly faith.
Jesus is strong,
but he needs your help.
Send a check now payable
to Help-The-Lord Industries,
and you'll receive...
Hello.
I'm Varla, and I'm lonely.
Who are you?
Norman.
What a sexy name.
It's making me very hot
and horny just saying it.
Norman.
Wait, there's somebody at the door.
their eyes red with lust.
They rip my gown off,
exposing my naked body
to their evil gaze.
Just as they are about to ravish me,
I stick my fingers into their eyes
and rip out both their eyeballs.
Excuse me... Varla?
I'm sorry, but, uh...
This isn't too stimulating.
Oh, there's that doorbell again.
Oh, it's you...
Norman.
You stand there staring at me.
I'm totally naked
Except for 2 bleeding
human eyeballs in my hands.
You say, "Varla,
I have never before
seen a more beautiful,
hot, sexy woman."
Say it, Norman.
Say it now.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
It's not where you're going
but how you get there that counts.
Al Fountain.
Wait a second.
It's not how you get there
but where you're going that counts.
Is that right?
Jesus Christ.
What is it?
Well, wherever you're going,
I hope to Christ you get there!
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh!
It wouldn't be a very smart thing
for him to do.
Don't think he's gonna
go in, do you?
That's why I wanna talk
to him a little bit.
That wouldn't be a real good idea.
Hello, there.
You're not contemplating a swim, are you?
No, no. no, I'm not.
The wife thought you were going in.
There's a chemical plant
around that cove
Been dumping formaldehyde
in the lake for 15 years.
You step in,
and it'll burn your feet right off.
Jesus!
Thanks for telling me.
No problem.
Didn't wanna have to go in after you.
I'm Luvven Coddle.
This is my wife Wynelle.
Howdy.
Hi.
Al Fountain.
Pleased to meet you.
It is a nice day.
Yeah.
Can I ask you,
is everything all right, Al?
Oh, sure.
Everything's fine.
I haven't been here since I was a kid.
It's kind of a shock
to see it like this.
I can imagine.
But we're used to it.
We walk here every day.
I'm not used to it.
This was a beautiful lake.
You ever go down that slide, Al?
Yes, I did.
Me, too.
Just like flying, wasn't it?
Like a bird
out over that water.
That's exactly what it was like...
flying.
I remember
shooting down that slide and flying...
My God, it must have been...
Oh, 15, 20 feet.
Yeah! Right out into
the middle of the lake.
I remember my dad was yelling
for me to come in.
I pretended like I didn't hear him
and just stayed out there.
And I kept on going down that slide
even though I knew
he was going to give it
to me soon as I got in.
What do you mean, give it to you, Al?
Well, he pulled down my suit
right here on the beach
and he spanked me
with this slide rule
he always carried
around with him.
I'm very sorry to hear that, Al.
It must have been...
humiliating.
Al, can I ask you...
is there something
else troubling you?
Well, what do you mean?
Forgive me for prying, but I...
I sense a yearning in you,
A searching...
Almost as if you're lost.
You've been lost for a long, long time.
Am I right?
Have you found Jesus, Al?
Why? Is he missing?
No. No, Al.
He's with us right now, right here.
Oh. I thought I saw somebody
walking on the water over there.
I don't think your salvation
is a laughing matter, Al.
Have a nice day.
Nice to meet you.
Some people, man,
they got to stick their nose...
Why they can't just mind
their own...
But no, that's not enough.
They have to just...
How about the salvation
of your ass, pal...
When I stick my foot up it?
Holy...
Aah!
Wow!
That was great, man.
You all right?
For crying out loud,
what the hell were you doing?
What do you mean?
Stopping on a blind curve like this!
You almost got us both killed!
Oh, man... I'm sorry.
My car just died on me right here.
I can't even move it. I...
You know anything about engines?
Yeah, a little bit.
Well, I already checked her out.
I'm pretty sure it's the gasket.
Could be that dang
carburetor, though.
Think you could
take a look at her?
All right. Out of the way.
Oh, God.
Hey, what are you doing?
Be careful with that.
Uh, you got trouble, pal.
- Gasket, right?
- No, no, no, no.
It's the distributor.
The drive gear's broken.
This car's going nowhere.
Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Shit, shit!
Hey, uh, what are we gonna do?
What are we going to do?
You're not gonna just
leave me out here, are you?
I'll drive you to a service station,
all right?
Wh-what about the car?
You'll just have to leave it.
No. I gotta get her home.
And how do you propose to do that?
I got a chain in my trunk.
There you go, man.
Slap that on her.
Better lock it. Could pop off.
I assume you've got the key.
Shit! Shit, Shit!
Goddamn it!
What did you tell me to lock it for?
Of course I got a key, man!
Ha ha ha!
What do you fucking think?
Hey, come on.
We got to figure out
who's gonna drive.
What do you mean?
Someone's gotta ride
the brake back here,
But I know the road
better than you do.
It gets a little tricky.
I thought you said
you lived down the road.
Yeah, just up the road
a couple, few miles
Through the woods.
All right. You drive...
But be careful.
That's a rented car,
and I'm responsible for it.
Hey, I hear that.
Oh, name's Bucky, by the way.
Some people call me the kid
or, uh, you can call me kid.
Al Fountain.
All right, Al. Like a fountain, huh?
That's great. Listen,
I really appreciate this.
Ok. Let's get going
'cause I've gotta be
someplace, all right?
All right. Thanks, Al.
Don't trip.
Rental, huh?
Ah, I like these babies.
Jesus Christ!
Whoa! Man!
Ha ha ha!
That is some weird shit, Al.
Let's get going!
Easy!
What is this pigpen?
Winston cigarettes?
Cigarette?
It's not funny. It's disgusting.
Hey, how much further?
Ha!
Oh, man, I'm beat!
Well, here we are, Al.
You live here?
Yup. I own my own home.
It ain't much,
but I'm off the grid, man.
That's what counts. Come on in.
I'll turn on some lights.
Look, just get the key
and unlock these cars.
I've still gotta find a motel.
Well...
I'll tell you, man.
Nearest one is a truck stop
whorehouse off exit 58.
Hell, you can stay here.
No, I can't. I've got an important
phone call to make.
Well, shit, I got a phone.
You can use it while I get the key.
Kid?
Kid, where are you?
What the hell happened here?
What?
What's the matter?
What do you mean?
Where's the rest of your house?
Oh, I only bought half.
I got a really good deal.
Listen, the phone's right there.
When you use it,
Only talk for 1 minute,
'cause I'm tapped in illegal,
And anything longer
they can trace.
Christ almighty!
All that driving wore me out.
I'm hitting the sack, ok?
You can have the bed. Ok?
Hey! Hey, wait a second.
No, no. I want you to have it.
You drove me home.
The least I can do.
Hey! Hey, Buck... Give me the key.
Kid! Hey!
The key!
Where's the key?
Yeah.
Hi, Deb. It's Al.
Al! I'm so glad you called.
Where are you?
Remember I told you
I was going fishing?
We're all in a little
cabin together.
That sounds great.
Are you having a good time?
Great time.
Listen, some good news.
We're ahead of schedule,
and it looks like
I'll be coming home early.
Al, that's great!
So we can have a 4th of July.
It looks that way.
I can't wait to see you, Deb.
And now I should go.
Here, say hi to Bobby.
Hi, dad.
Hi, Bob. what's up?
Dad, are the little
fireworks illegal...
The real little ones?
They sure are, Bob.
All fireworks are illegal.
I was just checking.
Good night, dad.
Good night.
Huh?
Morning.
What the hell was that?
M-80.
Them suckers pack a wallop,
don't they?
I got the cars unlocked.
Come on, man.
Get some breakfast
before you take off.
How long have you lived here?
Oh...
I've been off the grid now about 3 years.
Dig in there...
Before it gets mushy.
I know what you're
saying, though.
The place could use
a little work.
You see, I'm kind of
in a mediary stage.
I want to go total
self-sufficient...
Solar power, windmill...
Generate my own electricity.
You know anything
about that stuff?
Yeah, I know something about it.
You see that?
I could tell you had a knack
for things mechanical.
What do you do?
I'm an electrical
engineer, actually...
specializing in field installation
Of Zeus Turbine Generators.
No shit?
I bet you'd even
know how to change
a distributor drive gear.
Am I right?
Listen, kid or Buck
or whatever your name is...
I went out of my way
to get you home last night.
Now I'm badly behind schedule.
I'll drop you off
at the nearest garage,
And after that, you're on your own.
That's fine by me, Al.
Really.
That's fine.
What's with the costume, Buck?
How did you know it was a costume?
Is it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
I was an actor for a while...
In this play about Davy Crockett
In the olden days.
You played Davy Crockett?
Yeah.
No, I mean, I played some guy
standing around with a rifle,
but one night I tried
on Davy's costume,
and it fit me so perfect,
I just took it.
You stole it?
Pull up a second here, Al, will you?
Hold on a second.
Hey, there, Mr. Freaky.
You been waiting for me?
All righty, then.
Let's get something to eat.
You gained a little
weight there, huh?
Eating them apple pies.
All right. There you go.
Unh!
Ok!
What's going on?
Oh, a little business.
I'm in salvage, Al...
specializing in field installation
of ceramic lawn ornaments.
Uh-huh.
Do you know those folks?
Oh, yeah.
Hey, there!
Yeah, I like that dress... real fine!
I'm going to come back
for the squirrels, too.
Take care, now!
All right.
Anytime you wanna move on
is fine by me, Al.
Ok.
When was the last you ordered anything?
Oh, shut up.
I ordered you that
goddamn robe, didn't I?
Yeah!
Hey, Lyle! good buddy!
What the fuck do you want?
Oh, I blew my distributor, man.
This is my friend, Al.
He'll tell you exactly what kind.
I need a distributor drive gear
For a '67 ford galaxy with a 390 v-8.
Isn't he great?
He's my buddy.
Yeah, that guy,
He's one of the best damn
mechanics in the state.
Hey, Wick!
Hey, Doob!
What the hell is shaking?
My left nut.
Ha ha ha! Mine, too.
Hey, what are you guys
doing for the 4th?
Anything going on? Any parties?
Let's get this fan belt
and get the hell out of here.
$40.
That the right one, Al?
You throw that match at me?
No, Wick.
Yeah, he did.
No, I didn't.
I just threw it down.
I was just throwing down
a match, that's all.
Don't you ever do that again.
I won't, Wick.
Hey, where'd you get
the fucking hat?
Ha!
All right, I'm out of here.
Thanks a lot, Lyle.
Wick, Doob... you guys
take it easy, now.
I really appreciate this, Al.
All right.
Give me the wrench.
I'm gonna take a course
or something on auto repair.
A driver should
know his car, Buck.
You see this bolt. It goes on last.
Start her up.
Pump the gas once when I say go.
Go!
Look at that!
You're a goddamn wizard, Al!
All right. Turn it off now.
Great.
I got a customer, Al.
Be right back.
Hey, there, Navajo.
Hey, kid.
How you doing, Jim?
What do you got for me?
I got this beauty here, man.
Check it out.
What do you think?
Man! it's got a nice set of forelegs.
Yeah. right.
Nice chest. Nice mouth.
You got that 60 for me?
One hell of a set
of nice antlers here.
Yeah.
I think I'll take it.
All right!
Watch your back, now.
That's why I got such a big...
watch that head, there.
That'll do you, man.
All right. That's good, man.
Take care, Navajo.
Take care.
All right.
What's the matter?
No receipt?
What for?
So you can calculate your income
when you pay your taxes.
Taxes?
Are you fucking crazy?
I never paid taxes in my life,
and I never will.
I tore up my goddamn
social security card.
I got none of that shit now.
Hell, I don't even have
a driver's license.
Wait a second.
You're driving without a license?
I told you, man.
I'm off the fucking grid!
Your off your f... nut.
You get in an accident
and you injure somebody,
You're going to jail...
Especially if you're
driving intoxicated
With a carload of illegal fireworks.
God, you're... You're right, Al.
I don't know what I was thinking.
I feel really stupid.
Well, it's your life, Buck,
And frankly,
it's none of my business.
Now, listen,
Is there someplace
I can get washed up?
Yeah. there's a big pool
back in the woods.
That's where I take a bath.
Plus it's great swimming.
I am not talking swimming.
I wanna get washed up,
And I wanna get back on the road.
That's what I'm saying, Al.
You jump in, you get cleaned up,
And you take off.
All right. Let me get my shirt.
Distributor drive gear,
Distributor drive gear.
I gotta learn a bit.
It gets complicated in my brain.
You know, I can't...
Hey!
All right!
Here she is, Al.
The water leans a bit to the cool side,
But the Indians say
it's good for your skin tone.
What Indians?
Crowsfeet.
They lived in this valley
for centuries.
Crowsfeet?
They were the first Indians
to tame the wild dog.
Is that a fact?
Yup.
I been studying all
about that stuff, Al.
This is the best way in right here.
You're not gonna wear any underwear?
What for?
There may be someone
in the vicinity.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, yeah!
Hey, come on in, Al!
How do you get out?
There's a rope.
Yeah. You just climb up.
Ok. Look out.
Here I come.
Not bad, huh?
No.
It feels pretty good, actually.
See? there's little fishies.
Whoo!
This is a nice little spot, buck.
Yeah. not many people
know about it, I guess.
Most of the time,
I have it to myself.
Caw! caw!
Hey, where are we going?
I've gotta get out of here.
I thought you said
this was a shortcut.
Well, I never really timed it, Al.
Just always seemed shorter.
Mmm!
Mmm!
Nothing like a tomato
right off the vine, Al.
Go ahead. Try one.
Whose are they?
Some old guy.
He don't give a shit.
I'm gonna take a leak.
Goddamn, I got to piss.
Life is a tomato right off the vine.
Al Fountain...
Monday, July 2nd...
Hey, Al!
Ha ha ha!
Sorry, Al. I thought you'd duck.
You little fucking bastard!
Aah!
Aah!
Ok!
Aah!
We're even.
Yeah, that's cool.
Sucker! yeah!
Chicken!
Oh, he's running!
There he goes.
All right.
Ok. wait!
Wait. Ok. wait!
Wait for what?
Wait for this!
Direct hit. Direct hit.
You're dead.
Ok!
Yaah!
Big shot!
Big man, huh?
Aah!
Whoa! There he goes.
Time out. Get your ammo...
in your face, buddy!
Unh!
That's right!
Ow!
Yeah!
Now he's running.
Double-barrel action.
Ok.
Ha ha ha!
There! Ow!
That's a man's throw.
Time out!
Another one.
Ow! ow!
Ah!
You all right?
Ohh!
Did I get you in the kidneys?
Ha ha!
All right now, boys.
Come on up out of there.
Jesus Christ! It's the police!
Shh! Shh!
I thought you said nobody
cared about these tomatoes!
There they are.
They're right down there.
I can see them.
Let's go, boys.
I can see one of you's
white shirt plain as day...
So why don't you just stand on up,
And let's get this over with?
The hell you doing?
What are you doing?
Take the shirt off!
Take the shirt off!
What's the matter with you?
All right.
Give me that.
Stay down!
Get down! Get down!
Crawl. Crawl. Come on.
I can't when you're on top of me!
Get going, quick. Move! Come on!
Just move! Move! Come on.
Goddamn these little kids!
Why can't they just leave
people's property alone?
They aren't their tomatoes.
Yeah, they know that.
But no, no. They gonna come in here
and waste my time
with this froufrou shit.
I think I recognize
the one in that white shirt.
All right, boys.
You're going to force me
to do something nasty here.
I'm gonna bend you both over...
Get the hell out of here.
Wait. Wait.
...and take my night stick to you.
Wait a minute. Stay here.
Just stay right there.
All right, boys.
I'm getting tired of this shit.
Are you coming out or not?
Don't look like they is.
Are you coming or not?
Aah!
Whoa!
Goddamn it, Floyd!
You stupid son of a bitch!
Get the car!
Look out, boys!
Stand up!
Run!
Oh, Jesus!
Jesus! God! We've killed them!
It just ran right over them.
Well, I'll call for a medic.
Where are they?
Are they alive?
I'm sorry, Al. Really.
I was just trying
to create us a diversion
so we could get away.
That's an old Indian trick.
Yeah? well, let me
tell you something, buck.
That little trick of yours
almost killed an old man
And 2 officers of the law.
Do you think that's funny?
I never thought of it that way.
You're absolutely right.
It was stupid.
You must think I'm a worthless
fucking piece of shit.
Look, buck, I like you,
but I have got to
tell you something.
I think it's time
you got your life squared away.
I think you're right, Al.
Well, good-bye and good luck.
All right.
Al, good-bye.
For Christ's sake...
Where the hell...
are the keys?
What? The car keys?
Yes. The car keys.
All right. Hold on, Al.
When did you last have them?
When I drove you into town.
Ok. Well, let's think.
We got back.
You got out of the car.
What did you do with the keys?
I thought I left them in the car.
Might you have put them
in your pocket?
I might have... yes.
Goddamn it!
I bet they fell out
when you were running around
in that tomato field.
Oh, Christ!
All right. Now, take it easy.
Take it easy, Al.
First light... Crack of dawn...
we go back to that field
and find those goddamn keys.
Crack of dawn?
I have got to get going!
I know you do, Al,
and I'm damn sorry.
I feel responsible.
You're still there?
Hey, don't think
I'm happy about this.
I wanted to get the hell
out of here yesterday.
I just bought $60 worth
of groceries for a cookout.
You and Bob get started,
and I'll try to be there.
Don't let him start the fire.
Now, how's he doing
with the flashcards?
I'll let him tell you.
Here's your dad.
Hi, dad.
Thanks for the flash cards.
They're really helping a lot.
Good. I told you they would.
What's 12 times 8?
Bob?
Uh, 15?
Listen, Bob,
I'm gonna let you go now
because it sounds like you've
still got a lot of work to do.
Thanks, dad. Good night.
Good night.
That's right, man!
'cause he did it!
The little Cubano is tough, Norm.
Yeah!
Uncle Samson!
Oh, come on!
Hey.
Dig in, man.
Save some room for dessert.
There goes the Castroator.
He's in action now!
Like wrestling, Al?
I like college
or high school wrestling,
Not this garbage.
Hey, this ain't
no high school shit.
This is professional wrestling.
That's my guy right there...
Uncle Samson...
Ranked number one
By the PWP and the WPW both.
He's fighting some
Cuban guy from Cuba.
I feel for Sam now.
This is a sad day for Uncle Sam.
Ooh! Oh, no! Look out!
Get away from there!
You greasy bastard!
Come on! Get away from there!
Yeah!
You go, Sam!
I don't believe it! I can't watch.
Sam's coming back.
Look out, Castroator!
What did I tell you, Al?
Tough, isn't he?
Shaking off a blow
to the head like that!
You know it's all fake, don't you?
What is?
The whole thing...
The kicks, the punches,
the chair smashing...
They plan out every fight...
who's going to win
and who's going to lose.
It's all fake.
Everybody knows that.
Uh, Al, I know you're smart
'cause you got
a scientific-style job,
but you're not using common sense.
If this fight is fake
and everybody knows it's fake,
Why in the hell would
anybody waste their time
sitting around watching it?
That's a question you might
want to answer one day, Buck.
I know the answer.
This is what's happening
all over America, Al.
This country's being taken over
By smart people with no common sense.
And that's why I'm out here, man.
Just me, my instincts, and nature.
That's all you need.
You see that moon up there?
Look at that moon!
Shit, in the city
you wouldn't even
be able to see that!
The three-quarter moon,
just about to slip
into its second phase.
Well, I don't know about that, Al.
The Indians call that
a creamy corn moon.
What are you thinking about, Al?
Well, it's kind of hard to say this,
but I've, uh...
started seeing things.
Oh.
What kind of things
are you seeing, huh?
Well, I'm seeing things moving...
backwards.
Like, someone pouring
a cup of coffee,
I'll see the coffee
flowing out of the cup
back into the pot.
Are you serious?
Yes. And other things, too.
I saw a kid riding a bike,
pedaling just like normal,
Except he was moving backwards.
Jesus, that's wild, man.
Yeah. well, I'm a little worried, actually.
I never know when
it's going to happen.
Well, listen, Al, don't worry about it.
That's the main thing.
You know, the Indians
saw shit all the time.
They had visions 24 hours a day.
You think they worried
about it? Hell, no.
And don't worry about
them car keys, either.
We'll find them.
I know right where to look, ok?
Hey.
Look what that moon's
doing over here.
Oh, watch this.
Now I got a little box of moonlight.
See that, Al?
See what I did there?
How's that hangover, Al?
It's gone, right?
Well, it's starting to go.
I told you, man. It's this water.
Funny about them keys, huh?
I thought sure we'd find them.
I've got another plan, kid.
I'll call the rental office
when we get back to the house.
They'll call a local locksmith,
give them the key code
for the model number of my car,
and I'll have a new
set of keys delivered
in less than an hour.
Damn, man. That's a great idea.
Why the hell didn't I think of that?
It's called planning ahead, kid.
You should try it sometime.
Hey, hey, hey. Look at this.
Whoa.
What is it?
Yeah. someone was here yesterday.
Mm-hmm.
"size 5.
Mm-hmm.
She's 15...
She's redhead...
Either a cheerleader
or a swimsuit model.
- Get the hell out of here.
- No, no. I'm serious. Smell.
I'm not going to smell
somebody's underwear.
Come on, smell.
I'll show you something.
- Smell that?
- What?
A kind of dry mustard smell
mixed with, like, a bubblegum.
Smell?
Mm-hmm. Keep sniffing.
Keep sniffing.
I don't smell anything.
Sure you do.
I don't.
Oh, come on, man!
Your senses are gone!
To my nose, it's overpowering.
You see that?
That's called sensory attunement.
You should try that sometime.
Ok. I'll start sniffing underwear
Every chance I get, All right?
Let's head on back.
I have a call to make.
Oh, that's right.
Gotta get those new keys
so you can get the heck
out of here.
It's not where you're going in life.
It's how you get
the hell out of there.
What's that, Al?
Where the hell are these people
at 12:00 in the afternoon?
I don't know. Lunch?
Try them in an hour.
Is that gun loaded?
You bet your ass it is.
You think I'm gonna let them F.B.I.
sneak up on me?
No fucking way.
Well, just be careful with it.
Hey, I know how
to handle a gun, ok?
Do you?
I've shot a gun before.
Good.
Let's go get me a rabbit or something.
I'm fucking starving.
No, kid.
I have to make this call, all right?
We come back in an hour,
you make your fucking call.
Here. I'll get a shotgun.
Plus, I gotta show you something, man.
Open your eyes up
before you split out of here.
Wow.
Look at that. wow.
It's a deer.
Yeah, that's right.
Let's take a look.
It's a fake. It's a statue.
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
It looked real, though, didn't it?
- Who put it here?
- Me, man! Who do you think?
It looks great there, really.
It's great.
Thanks.
For what?
For showing it to me.
Oh, that's not what
I wanted to show you.
I got something.
It's going to blow your mind.
You wanted proof?
Here it is.
Come on.
All right. here we go.
You wanted C.I.A.?
I'll show you C.I.A.
What the hell...
A C.I.A. nerve-gas factory,
That's what the hell.
They're making nerve gas
To use in the war against
their own people, ok?
Ohh...
Just blows your mind.
I don't believe it.
I just spent 2 days driving...
In a goddamn circle.
What are you talking about?
That's the job I told you I was working on.
Christ.
The car-rental place is right in town.
What are you t...
Wait a second. You worked here?
For a month. It's not a nerve-gas factory.
It's a semiautomated facility
For the manufacture of windshield wipers.
Oh, I don't believe that for a second.
All right. You want some proof?
Come on.
I'll give you some proof.
Follow me.
This is a Zeus 8000
turbine generator.
It doesn't make nerve gas.
It makes electricity,
That electricity was going
to provide the power
for the entire assembly line.
Making windshield wipers?
That's correct.
I suppose if you equipped
enough people
with windshield wipers,
you could probably
take over the world.
Ha ha! Yeah.
I can't believe you worked here, man.
I could never do this shit.
Didn't you hate it,
Always having someone
telling you what to do,
Some asshole boss?
Hey, Al?
What?
Come here.
Think you can hit that bottle there?
It's in front of the window.
You can't hit it.
Whoa! hey, close.
That was close, Al. Let me try.
Yeah!
Jesus Christ, kid, that's an $800 window!
Oh, baby!
That's $1,600 right there!
Hey, what's in those cans, Al?
Paint.
You sure?
Yeah, that's paint, all right.
All right!
Yeah!
Yeah! yeah!
Reload!
Windows!
Yeah!
Shazam!
Whoa!
I'm telling you, kid,
this dog could climb trees.
I'm serious.
I don't believe it.
He would just take off
and run up the trunk.
What was his name?
Barky. He was just a mutt.
He was all white
except for one black ear.
He found this rubber monkey somewhere,
And every day, when
I came home from school,
he'd be sitting in the front yard
with that damn monkey in his mouth,
waiting for me to throw it for him.
Kid, I'm telling you,
I threw that monkey for hours.
You still got him?
No.
I let him out one night
right before I went to bed,
and when I came in,
he was shaking, breathing funny.
I asked my dad
if we should take him to the vet,
and he said,
"no. It's after 9:00.
It's probably closed.
We'll take him in the morning."
So we went to sleep.
Soon as it was light,
I look under my bed...
Because that's where
Barky always slept...
and I saw his tongue
sticking out, all black.
I touched him,
and he was already hard,
like there was cement under his fur.
He was... he was dead.
My dad said he must
have eaten some poison.
Your dad's a fucking asshole!
Why?
He should have taken him to the vet!
I don't care what time it was!
He was your dog, Al!
Goddamn it, man. I can't believe it.
Kid, what's the matter?
Kid?
Kid!
You lost a hubcap over there.
Good. they're open. I'll be right back.
How did you lose them, Mr. Fountain?
Carelessness, I'm afraid, Doris.
Where is the car now?
It's safe and sound.
It's at my friend's house.
It's a few miles outside of town.
I'm going to have to charge you
a $25 key-replacement fee.
Fair enough.
$25.
I hope, for your sake,
you don't lose these.
Mr. Fountain?
Mr. Fountain?
Hold on, Doris.
You just said something
that was very, very smart.
What?
Well, why should I spend
my last 2 days here
worrying about losing keys,
Especially since my friend has a car?
I am going to give you directions,
and what I'd like you to do
is to deliver these keys to me
bright and early
on Thursday morning.
We don't have a key-delivery service,
Mr. Fountain.
I see.
But if you did...
I bet you would have
some kind of key-delivery fee.
Doris?
Have a nice day.
Just my luck.
Someone broke in this morning
and stole all the goddamn keys.
You're kidding me.
What about the key codes
you told me about?
The bastard stole them, too.
Soonest they can get me
another set
is Thursday morning.
What are you going to do?
Find a hotel, I guess. I don't know.
I suppose you could
stay at my place.
I... I appreciate that, kid,
but I'll only stay at your place
on one condition.
You let me buy you some food.
I got food.
Yeah, but I thought maybe
we could do a little
You know, barbecue chicken,
make some hamburgers.
You like corn on the cob?
Are you kidding me?
That's nature's perfect food.
Good. Chicken, hamburgers,
corn on the cob.
Beer? Jelly doughnuts?
Watermelon.
Fireworks!
Hey, that's not a bad idea.
We'll get some sparklers.
Sparklers?
Are you fucking crazy?
I got a whole box of fireworks, man...
Real ones.
I'm afraid those are illegal, Kid.
Ha ha ha ha!
What about breakfast
supplies, kid?
We're running a little low.
Yeah. Good idea.
Oh, here we go.
What are you doing?
My treat, kid.
What else do you need? Luncheon meats?
Yeah, yeah, and jelly doughnuts.
- Jelly doughnuts?
- Yeah. Got to have them.
All right.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Man, watch where you're going!
I'm sorry.
What the hell are you looking at?
Oh, nothing.
Well, then get the fuck
out of here, man.
Thanks.
Sure. Don't mention it.
Jesus!
Hey, bud, what's going on?
Someone just saw Jesus on that sign.
Where?
In the fire, right below the hamburger.
Come on, honey.
Get out of here.
You see anything, Al?
No.
Me neither.
Damn it.
You know, I always
just miss those things.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Take that, Saddam insane!
Yeah! Ha ha ha ha!
Yeah, you.
We got back to the plant today
and found some vandals had broken in
while we were gone
and did some minor
damage to the turbines.
I'm afraid we're gonna
be delayed another day.
Let me get this straight, Al.
First you said you were
coming home on the 5th.
Then you said the 3rd.
Then it was the 4th.
Now, after all this talk
about coming home early,
Once again, you're telling me you
won't be coming home until the 5th.
That's correct, Deb.
Early afternoon on the 5th,
And I just want to say,
I really look forward to seeing you.
Well, Al,
Guess I'll see you on the fifth, then...
or the 6th or the 8th or the 10th
or whenever the hell it is
you feel like coming home.
Here's your son.
Here.
It's your dad.
Hi, dad.
Hi, Bob. Mom's in a bad mood?
I think so.
I tell you what then, Bob.
I only got a second.
I know you're busy.
Let's just do an easy one.
What's 12 x 2?
Bob, come on, now.
That's an easy one. 12 x 2.
I don't know.
Bob, what are you doing?
Nothing.
Are you crying?
No, sir.
Hey, hey, hey, Bob, come on, now.
Pull yourself together.
There's nothing to be upset about.
Everything's fine.
Just keep at those flashcards.
You'll be all right, ok?
Ok.
And a miracle happened today,
according to Willard Snarp
of Drip Rock,
who claims to have seen
the face of Jesus on a billboard
outside the big lucky
shopping center on route 17.
It's Jesus, all right,
dressed in modern clothes,
wearing a suit and a bow tie.
Can you point him out to us?
There, in the flames.
Experts from the Vatican
will arrive on Monday
to authenticate the sighting. Tina?
In other religious news,
police today arrested a local minister,
charging him with
a brutal triple murder.
Police say Reverend Luvven Coddle
entered the home of Earl
and Lindy Sykes last night
and hacked them to death
with a small ax.
Their 6-year-old daughter
Mandy was also killed.
Neighbors told police
the Sykes had recently withdrawn
from Reverend Coddle's
church of hope and light.
Hey, shut the fuck up!
Goddamn it.
Goddamn it!
Killing a 6-year-old girl.
Oh, what the hell is wrong with people?
It makes you want to
just get a machine gun
And do something.
Hey, don't open that!
Why not?
You'll let the moonlight out, man.
Come on. Use your head.
Let's get out of here.
What do you mean?
Don't you know a bar in town?
Come on. I'll buy you a drink.
Hey, good idea.
I'm sick of sitting around this place.
Hey, stinky.
What's happening?
Barnett.
My best friend, Al Fountain.
Al's a nuclear engineer.
Electrical, actually.
Field installation of
Zeus turbine generators.
What line of work are you in, Stinky?
I work over at the car wash.
Oh, really? Doing what?
Washing cars. What do you fucking think?
Good. How about you, Barnett?
Cesspools. Got my own truck.
Hey, is this yours, Stinky?
No.
In cesspools?
My wife has 2 uncles in cesspools.
They don't get along at all.
Big cesspool people.
Hey, Wick. Hey, Doob.
Davy fuckhead.
You hear about Jesus?
Fuck you.
Are you fucking with me?
No, wick. What's the matter?
You threw another match at me.
No, wick. All I got is a lighter, see?
All right. That's it, goddamn it.
Oh!
Get the fuck out of here!
I'm going to kill you, mother...
Aah!
All right, little Davy. Come on!
Come on!
No, Wick. Don't. Don't, Wick.
Your stupid hat!
All right, Doob, let's get a beer.
Hey, guys. What's up, Bobby?
Fuckers. These fucking...
Easy.
They got us, man.
Just take it easy.
They got us, man.
Al, I want you to go in the woods.
I want you to get some blood weed.
I'll just sit and rest
here for a minute.
Then we're gonna sneak
into Wick's house
when he's asleep,
and we're gonna smear
that shit all over him.
What do you mean, blood weed?
His face and his mouth and his eyes.
He ever stops bleeding,
he's gonna be blind...
All right. Come on, now.
For the rest of his life.
Then we'll see that fucker jump
every time I light a match.
Let me take a look at you, all right?
I'm all right.
Come on, get going.
Take a flashlight,
and wear gloves, ok?
Listen to me, kid.
We're not gonna go anywhere,
all right?
We're not going anywhere.
You're not gonna help me?
I am trying...
I am trying to help you.
Now, cut this crap out.
All right, I'll do it myself.
Kid, come on, now. Calm down.
Calm down? Calm down? Calm down?
At least you can help me, man!
Why aren't you gonna
fucking help me?
I thought you were my friend, man!
Why ain't you gonna help me?
You fucking help me!
You fucking help me.
You fucking help me, man!
Kid, kid...
Help me, man.
Help me, man.
All right. take it easy. Come on.
Take it easy.
Take it easy. Come on. Come on.
Come on.
What's the matter, Al?
I don't know.
Maybe this whole trip of mine
was just a big mistake.
Hey, Purlene,
here's your underwear.
Are they dry?
I don't know.
Almost.
Ahem.
Ahh!
Whoo!
How are y'all doing?
Name's Bucky, by the way.
You can call me the Kid or just kid...
anything you want to call me.
What is your name?
Floatie.
Sisters? Hey, get out of town.
Hey, Al, come on over!
Come on! They want to talk to you.
Come on.
Whew.
How about that water, huh?
Al, this is, uh, Purlene...
Purlene and Flighty.
Nice to meet you.
We saw them in the store
yesterday, remember?
What were you crying about?
Oh, well, I lost my job.
It was a really good one, too.
I just... I didn't...
I only was there for about a...
They're sisters. Isn't that crazy?
Sisters? Really? Very nice.
Where are you from?
Chicago.
Al's a nuclear engineer.
Electrical, actually...
Field installation
of Zeus turbine generators.
Some people can give an electric shock
just by looking at you.
What about you, buttercup?
You a swimsuit model?
What?
You are, aren't you?
Come on, now. Fess up, girl.
Look, buddy, I work over
at Deever's Tire Service,
and I hate to say it, but...
I think it's time you came in
and got your fucking
wheels rebalanced.
Yeah. Ha ha ha.
I'll tell you something.
You used to be a cheerleader?
Didn't you?
In the fourth fucking grade.
And your hair's not
really blond, is it?
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
Her hair's red. She's a redhead.
She's got a bright red bush.
I don't believe you said that.
All right, Al.
I'm not gonna say anything.
So what's with you guys?
Were y'all in a car wreck?
No.
We got jumped last night
over at Bambi's
By 6 fucking sailors.
What kind of sailors?
I ain't never seen
no sailors in Drip Rock.
Wasn't it sailors, Al?
No. they were marines. 5 of them.
That's a great movie...
Green Berets.
Ever see that movie?
I really liked it.
John Wayne, a Japanese guy,
and, uh, Kim Darby.
Damn, it's hot. I'm burning up.
Jump in the water, then, fireball.
Yeah, but I might take my suit off.
Looks like underwear to me.
Well, he's wearing underwear, too,
And you can see right through it.
Yeah, I noticed that.
Yeah?
So we're wearing underwear. So what?
We're just wearing them
'cause you're here.
Usually we go naked.
So do we.
Yeah?
Well, then let's all
take our suits off, ok?
Is that all right with everyone?
Yeah. Go ahead.
Where you going?
I'm gonna jump off this rock, man.
Is that all right with you?
Ever try it naked?
All right, look, peckerhead.
I ain't taking off the suit,
So just forget about it.
Come on, girl.
Whoo! Whoo!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Look at you.
You can't even swim.
Sure I can!
What do you think I'm doing now?
That's the fucking dog paddle.
My name's Floatie, not Flighty.
Oh.
Ok.
Excuse me for a second, Floatie.
I've gotta check something.
Hey, Floatie,
Come on in
And help me drown this here stray dog!
Yee-haw!
Yow!
Arf arf arf!
Yeah!
Come on, Al!
Maybe later.
I think it came off in that jump!
If you don't wanna parade around
in your wet underwear,
You don't have to, Al.
It's your choice.
Each man can choose
how he marches in the parade of life.
Al Fountain, Wednesday...
July 4th, 1:05 p.m.
Whoo! Go on, girl!
Whoo!
Arf arf arf arf!
Sisters.
You go, sister!
Whoo!
Oohhh!
Yeah! Come on, Al!
Go!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Come on, kid!
Oh, man!
Yeah!
That smells good.
Hey! All right.
What's with the corn, Al?
Well, you didn't have a pot,
so we'll just toss them in.
They'll cook that way?
Oh, yeah. About 15, 20 minutes.
Wow. Hey.
Hey, where's that
weird tape of yours?
The girls might like it.
What girls?
Purlene and Flighty.
I invited them over for dinner.
Why?
Well, they weren't
doing anything,
and Floatie's still
feeling a little low.
She kind of likes you, Al.
Does she?
Yep. Purlene told me so.
Kid, let's get something
squared away right now.
I'm a married man.
I don't make a habit
of fooling around
with every woman
who kind of likes me.
I'm glad to hear that, man.
Really.
Now, where's the tape?
Look in the car.
Thank you for inviting us.
I really like your house.
Thanks.
You got a kitchen area,
a living room, a dining room.
Al's gonna come in here
and do a whole job on it.
He's gonna do the whole
self-sufficient thing
so I get the solar power,
I get the whole thing.
he's gonna put the jazz in,
the pool table,
the this and the that.
'cause Al knows about that.
He's a nuclear engineer.
You know, Al and I do porno films.
On our free time, of course.
Ha ha ha!
Got 3 more burgers
cooking over there.
How about it, Flighty?
Floatie.
I'm sorry.
Purlene?
No, not me.
I got my jeans unbuttoned now.
Yeah?
Let's see.
Oh! Get out of here, man.
He's like a goddamn dog.
He is.
Remember... Remember Sneaky?
Remember that little stray,
Used to sleep in the garage?
Oh, yeah...
With that one ear
that never went down.
Same hair...
Same eye.
Well, you all look
pretty great yourselves.
Don't they, Al?
Very nice.
I never did have corn cooked this way.
Oh, that's Al.
He made the corn and the chicken,
but I cooked the burgers.
You boys would make
some good husbands.
Yeah, we probably would.
Too bad we ain't looking for any.
Ha ha ha ha.
Well, we're not either.
Besides, Al's already
married. Right, Al?
Do you not feel well?
Actually,
my head has started hurting me again.
Here.
Take one of these.
What are they?
It's just aspirin,
A little something extra.
Thank you.
Yeah. I got a headache, too.
Well, help yourself.
Floatie?
Yeah. I feel a headache coming on.
Well, excuse me.
I've gotta tend the fire.
Pow! Pow! Pow, Pow!
Pow! Get up there!
- Get up there!
- Be careful now, there, kid.
Yeah!
Wow!
Better than fucking sparklers, huh?
Ha ha ha! Yeah!
Burn, baby, burn!
Space rockets to the moon!
And Uranus!
Hah!
Oh!
Hey!
Look at that, Purl.
Niagara Falls,
Watch this, y'all!
Look at this, man.
I got me a flamethrower.
Hyah! take that, man. Take that!
Yes! yes!
Hey.
Hey, you feeling all right, Al?
Oh, yeah. I feel fine.
I just figured something out.
This whole backward
phenomenon of mine
started the day I noticed
my first gray hair.
You see that?
It's me. I am doing it.
I am trying to stop time!
Whoa, man, that's heavy!
Ha ha ha!
Wow! Hey, man,
you don't like Floatie?
What?
Floatie. She thinks you don't like her
'cause of that mark on her face.
That's ridiculous. Where is she?
She's over there at the dinner table.
All right.
I'm gonna go talk to her, kid,
let her know everything's fine here.
Ok?
Thanks.
You're all right, kid.
I mean it. You really are.
So don't worry.
I'm gonna go over there now,
and I'm gonna get
everything squared away.
Where were you working, Floatie?
Uh, I was in phone sales.
Oh, really.
Office supplies or clothing catalogs?
Sex.
Excuse me?
Phone sex?
Company called, um...
Love Phone.
You ever heard of it?
No. I'm, uh, I'm afraid I haven't.
It was the perfect job for me.
I'm kind of a quiet person, Al.
I like to just sit around and...
think up things...
you know, fantasies...
Not all of them about sex.
I got a whole bunch
of stories in my mind
about a princess
who can kill people
just by looking at them.
But she only does it
to guys who are mean to her,
because there are a lot
of nice guys out there.
I know. I talked to a lot of them
on the phone.
What the hell are you trying to do?
Why were you fired?
They tried me for a week,
but, um, guys kept hanging up on me.
I guess I'm just one of those people
who aren't sexy...
even if it is just over the phone.
Now, hold on a second, Floatie.
I think you're exaggerating
a little bit there.
What do you mean?
Well, I think you're...
Sexy.
Oh! Turn that tape over.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Here we go.
Hey, wow, man.
All right, Al!
Huh!
Hey, hey!
Right on.
Righteous, man.
All right.
Ha ha ha!
Come on.
Shake that thing.
Over here. Come on.
You idiot. Put that down!
Whoo!
Whoa!
Yeah! there you go.
Take it off, girl.
Looking good.
Whoo! Oh, yeah!
Sexy, sexy, sexy!
Ha ha ha!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Hey, check it out!
Al's getting naked!
Get her, Al!
Whoo!
Go, kid!
Whoa! Ha ha ha!
Mr. Fountain?
Good morning, Doris. How are you?
I brought your extra set of car keys,
Mr. Fountain.
Thank you very much
for bringing them out. I...
won't get up
because I'm not dressed.
You could just leave them
on the bed, please.
Thank you.
Thank you, Doris. I appreciate it.
Did you want to buy
something, ma'am?
I got some birds there. Giraffe?
A beautiful rubber snake.
Where are you going?
Oh! careful.
Oh!
I'm letting that go for about 25.
Oh, shut up!
What's going on?
I got the circle substitute
set number 1225-a.
Oh, was that the rent-a-car chick?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, man, I thought
she was a customer.
Yeah. Doris.
To hell with both of you!
Well, it was nice
to meet you, Al.
Me, too, Floatie.
Jesus, let me get a breath!
Sorry.
I just wanted something
to remember you by.
What, are you leaving
the country?
No. why? you wanna
come over tonight?
I don't know.
I tell you one thing, though.
I ain't sleeping
in no goddamn chair.
Well, I got some beds.
Bye, Bucky.
Bye, baby.
Hey, get away from the car, man.
- I mean it.
- I'm hanging on!
- Whoa!
- Oh, be careful!
I'm all right.
Bye-bye, baby!
Whoo!
There you go, Al.
You're out of here.
I guess so, kid.
Hey, listen,
you ever down this way again,
You just drop in, ok?
I mean, anytime. I mean it.
Will do, kid,
and you've got my number.
If you ever get to Chicago,
Give me a call.
All right. Sure. Hey...
I might get out there one day.
Well, good-bye, kid.
So long, Al.
Oh, wait a second.
Just a little momentum
from your stay here.
Thanks, kid.
Ha ha ha!
Thank you very much.
You take care of yourself.
Hey, you know me, Al.
Ha ha ha!
- 9 times 8 is...72.
- Hey, there.
How's it going, Bob?
Good.
I have them memorized, Dad.
I only need about
I'll tell you what.
Why don't we just put these
on hold for a moment?
There's no rush here.
I'll help you,
and we'll do them
together sometime, ok?
Have a seat.
So, you had a good 4th?
Yes, sir.
Good.
Here's a little something for you, Bob.
What is it?
You'll find out.
Ok. I'll see you in a bit, all right?
How's he doing?
We didn't get into it, Deb.
I figured, you know,
what the hell?
I just got home.
I'll deal with it tomorrow.
Great. soon as you're
unpacked, we can eat.
It's a little early, isn't it?
Early?
It's 7:00.
You always eat at 7:00.
Oh, that's right. I forgot. I'm...
Mr. Clockwork.
Yeah, mister, uh...
I'm glad you're home, Al.
Well, Deb, I'm glad to be home.
I missed you.
I found this in the woods.
I thought you could use it
to put your jewelry in it.
Just caught my eye.
Thanks, Al. It's beautiful.
I think so, too.
Oh, what is this?
Now, whose are these?