Breaking All the Rules (1985) Movie Script
1
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Everything, everything, everything
gonna be alright this morning.
Oh, yeah.
I spell him, H-I-N.
That reverent name, N-O-B.
Whoa, child. Why?
I'm a man. That mean, Irish boy.
I'm a man. I'm a full-blown man.
I'm a man.
Bill! Bill, you here?
6 a.m.
Probably on a coffee break.
Or...
he was overpowered by a gang of ruthless,
international bad guys.
It's up to me to stop them now.
Freeze, scumbags!
Girl's best friend.
Next to me.
That little John the Conqueror.
All you little girls.
Sending out that line.
I can make love to you, woman.
Five minutes, John.
Ain't that a mean?
I spell you.
A child.
In.
That rubber band I'm grown.
No, baby.
All the time.
Why?
That mean marriage, boy.
Man.
I'm a full grown man.
Man.
I'm a natural mother's man.
Man.
Next.
Tell me.
Dinner's ready.
Night.
Come on.
We got work to do.
This is so easy, it's
almost a crime to steal it.
Look, boss, it says...
I don't care what it says.
We're supposed to cut the alarm.
We'll cut something.
I've got idiots on my side.
Why did you send me idiots?
Quick! In here!
Grabbing the gray rat
at the top of the string.
The one with the heart.
Patty, watch for cops.
Don't hurt him.
Shut up.
I've come back for you.
Things cool down.
Put it back at the top.
Okay, let's get out of here.
Where'd you park the car?
Uh-oh.
You didn't steal the car.
Come here, baby.
Hello, Pops. Hello, Chris.
Hey, sure stuff. You
break any hearts today?
Uh, yeah.
Are you going to eat now, Jack?
Are you going to eat
now or when you get up?
Now, Mom. I'm not going to bed.
I don't know, son. You're
going to need your rest.
School starts tomorrow.
That's the whole point, Pops.
This is my last day of freedom.
I got to make every minute count.
I got to have adventure.
I got to live on the edge.
Gosh, I remember when I was your age.
The last day of summer meant going
down to the F.W. Woolworth's store
and buying school supplies.
A brand-new binder. Paper, pens, pencils.
A new pencil box and eraser.
Listen, Pops, I'd love to stick
around and talk old times with you,
but I only got 24 hours,
you know what I mean?
Those little binder tabs.
And, of course, a very
good steel-edged ruler.
That was a very important tool.
Hey, bud, what's that?
You can't!
Six.
Seven.
Nine.
Debbie, I thought we were getting ready.
The appointment's in half an hour.
Okay, Mom.
Could you turn the music back up?
Tomorrow's our first day back at
school, so we want to look our best.
Okay, Mom.
I'll see you downstairs.
Sure, fine.
Kid Boo
Kid Boo
Are we all set to go, dear?
Shit.
Now this shit turned a few heads.
Get serious.
No boy will even look at me like this.
Oh, now, don't be silly.
You look adorable. Doesn't
she look adorable, Michael?
As adorable as a little princess.
And just as cute as a button.
Who'd want to fuck a button?
I didn't hear that.
Be real, Mom.
I'm 16.
It's time I experienced life.
Did things.
I'm a young woman in full
control of her physical being.
My hormones are boiling over.
Now, Debbie.
And now you've made me
look like a thousand other girls.
I'm not going to experience
anything looking like this.
You look fabulous, sweetheart.
And very attractive.
Only a complete dickface
would find this attractive.
Well, what do you think? Is it me?
It's you. Definitely.
You're blowing my nose a whole new meaning.
It's for a sick friend.
You think it'll work?
Just the thing you need.
Great. I'll take it.
Terrific.
Have a nut.
Oh, thanks.
That's funny.
Excuse me young man, would you mind moving
that car for me? I'm in a terrible hurry.
Came to the right person, ma'am.
This will be a moving
experience for the both of us.
You hurt, boss?
You're stamping on my hand.
Come on, David.
Get it up.
You can do it.
Harder.
I can't do it, Rachel.
I can't.
Oh, sure you can.
Don't worry, David.
This happens sometimes.
You'll get it up next time.
Yeah, if I don't die of a heart
attack in the next 30 seconds.
Ah, refreshment.
Can't I have a Coke, Dad?
It's got sugar in it.
It'll rot your teeth.
Isn't that right, Rachel, honey?
That's right, Frank, honey.
This is better for you.
But how am I supposed to
wash all these rocks down?
Cabbage juice.
Come on, Davey boy, be a man.
David?
David, you in here?
I, uh, you look as lousy as I feel.
What's the matter with you?
I OD'd on health.
Being a man makes me puke.
It's because you're going
about it the wrong way, kiddo.
You're exercising the wrong muscle.
I see you're your usual subtle self.
Subtlety doesn't get you anywhere, David.
Especially with women.
But this, this gives you the opportunity
to say with complete sincerity to any girl,
as long as I have a face,
you have a place to sit.
I appreciate your insights
into female sexual habits,
but I'm not good with women.
I'm much better with inanimate objects,
furniture, plant life, rock formations.
All right, David, I'm just fooling around.
Sex isn't everything.
Love, happiness, one percent.
Jack.
Come on, David, old buddy.
You're always like this after those
muscle sessions with your old man.
I'm trying to cheer you up.
We got some living to do.
Do we have to?
Think of what's waiting for us out there.
Just a minute.
That's what you said 30 minutes ago.
There's other members of this family
that have got to use the bathroom too.
Come on Angie, open the door.
Half an hour ago, nature was calling.
Now she's screaming at
me. Open the door Angie.
Just a minute Papa.
Hey, what do you want me to do, take
the door off the hinges again? Open up.
Sorry Papa.
You look like a street walker
with all that crap on your face.
I look like a fashion model,
like in Vogue, you know?
Yeah, sure.
This sucks, the big one.
Be an Angie, baby!
Hi, Vince. How you doing?
Terrific. Couldn't be better.
Can you give me a lift?
I'm sorry. I'm already
late for a tennis game,
but I'll call you later.
We'll do something, okay?
Sure, Vince.
Ciao.
What took you so long?
Excuse me?
I said, what took you so long?
I've been waiting half an hour.
Oh, my god.
Debbie, is that you?
It's me, all right.
What did you do to your hair?
I fixed it.
Do you like it?
It's certainly different.
Good.
As long as it's not nice.
God, I hate that word, nice.
What did your mother say?
She mumbled something
about God, and then she fainted.
What do you really think about it?
Oh, it's definitely you.
By me.
Do you mean the home me or the school me?
Or the real me?
Oh, the real you.
No question about it.
But is it just, you know, the real me?
Or is it the real me, me?
It's the real you, you!
Oh, my God. He's gorgeous.
Who?
The guy at the back of the bus. Don't look.
I said don't look.
I guess he's not bad.
Not bad? Are you crazy?
He is so fine.
I don't believe it.
What's wrong with you?
I think I just had a religious experience.
You found God?
A goddess.
The most exquisitely
beautiful creature in the world.
The woman of my dreams.
Who?
That vision of loveliness ahead.
Which vision of loveliness?
The chick in the polka dot dress.
Ah, that vision of loveliness.
He's what I call prime.
Who?
The guy sitting beside him.
Him? Prime?
Definitely.
Then he's all yours.
He will be.
This has got to be my lucky day.
First a blonde with the
pink panties and now...
I'm in love again.
Wait a minute, I saw her first.
Yeah, but she smiled at me.
So maybe she thinks you're funny looking.
I'm in love again.
Well, I guess she wouldn't
go for a guy like me anyway.
Let's make our move.
When?
Right now.
But what about me?
Don't worry, she's probably got a friend.
Chicks always travel in pairs.
And the friend's always a dog.
Come on.
Oh God, he's coming this way.
Which one?
Mine.
Oh God, so is mine.
What do we do?
Be cool. Pretend we don't even see them.
Act natural.
See?
She has a friend.
She on a leash.
Now there's a trick.
Picking up chicks.
This is our stop.
We'll get off casually and...
They'll follow. It's as simple as that.
That's the plan?
Trust me. I know women.
Come on.
Should we look?
Not yet.
They won't like us if
they think we like them.
I don't think they're coming.
Don't worry.
They're just playing hard to get.
They'll be off in a minute.
All right. Now we can turn around.
Hi, there.
That's what I call playing hard to get.
Should we look now?
Okay, just a quick one.
Shit.
Not only that, but we missed our stop.
Well, there goes my
last chance for happiness.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! I don't
want to hear that kind of talk.
We have the whole day ahead of us.
We're gonna have adventure.
We're gonna have laughs.
And you know why?
Because we are men of action!
So, uh, what are we men of action gonna do?
Well, buddy, I'm talking about
something that starts with an F...
and ends with a K.
Does it have a U in it?
It most certainly does.
All right, listen up, everybody.
All you guys and gals, moms and dads
and assorted hangers out here at Fun Park.
We're having our last big blast.
We're getting ready for it right now.
8 p.m. tonight, right
here under the midway.
All you guys, gals, moms, dads
and pets right here at the midway.
Tonight is the night. We're
getting ready for it right now.
The last blast of summer.
Drop your socks, grab your
partners, and come on down.
Leif and Larry will be here first, and
I want to see you right here tonight.
Fun Park. Very amusing.
Hey, I said we're gonna do
something that starts with an F...
and ends with a K. We're gonna.
Here?
Are you kidding? Look around.
This place is crawling with chicks.
Yeah, crawling. Like out from under a rock.
Don't be negative.
Men of action, remember? We are the men.
And this is the action.
I'm breaking all the rules
That's what I seem to do
I wanna make it with you, with you
I'm just playing the fool
I'm breaking all the rules
I'm playing every rule
To get through to you, babe
It's not a pain to do
To get through to you now, babe
Breaking all the rules
I wanna make it with you
Just playing with food
Now this is a practice run.
What are we practicing for?
For the rest of the day.
Now just relax and be heavy.
Girls, how are you? Glad to see you.
Hi, Jack.
I love it.
This is my good friend, David.
Hi, David.
Oh, shit.
Could you get that for me, sweetheart?
Thanks, honey. Could you put it
back on? My fingernails are wet.
It's not gonna bite ya!
You're a real marksman, kid.
What are we doing here?
It's clear that you're not yet comfortable
with a female anatomy, David Orr, but...
you need a new perspective.
What are you talking about?
Observe.
This is wrong, Jack.
I know.
We shouldn't be doing this.
I know.
Get a load of the ass on that one.
I know.
What's that?
Don't worry about it. It's just water.
You sure?
Trust me.
Where the hell is he?
Where the hell have you been?
Buying a ticket for the
Diamond Jubilee Draw.
What?
To throw off suspicion.
If we have a ticket on the draw,
nobody will think we stole the diamond.
Smart, huh?
I'm dazzled by the brilliance of your plan.
Come on.
Shut up!
Hello? Yes, this is Charlie.
Yes.
What do you mean I'm not covered?
I pay you guys a fortune in premiums.
What are you talking
about? My security is
the best money can
buy. You guys okayed it.
He was hit on the head for...
Now look, don't give me that shit. I
can't even a $50,000 loss, it'll break me.
I want to see some action,
and I want to see it now.
Hi, guy. Money.
Something wrong, Charlie?
Somebody stole the goddamn diamond.
Nothing to worry about, though.
Don't give it a second thought.
Never any trouble in Fun Park.
Right, kid?
Now, what can I do for you?
I came for my last paycheck.
But if you're busy, I can, uh...
Oh, no, no, forget it.
How much do I owe you?
Oh, with deductions, about $150.
You can check with the bookkeeper.
I trust you, kid.
You say it's $150, it's $150.
Here.
Thanks, Charlie.
You sure everything's okay?
Now, if Charlie says everything's okay,
everything's okay, right?
Right.
Okay, go on, get out of here.
Go have some fun.
Thanks a lot, Charlie.
I'll see you next summer.
Sure thing, Jack.
Oh, and bring your little
pal along with you, too.
We'll put him to work.
Put a little muscle on him.
It's not fair!
That's not fair.
Why, you whimpering maverick!
You couldn't hit a barn a mile wide!
Go!
All right, honey, come on, you can do it.
All you gotta do is pull it out.
David, this is amazing. Come here.
What?
I saw those two chicks from the bus.
Where?
Over by that game booth. Come on, let's go.
I don't know, Jack.
David!
What are we?
I don't know, Jack.
What are we, huh?
Man of action.
Right, what do we do?
We go for it.
Right, let's go.
Come on, David!
Nothing to it, babe.
Just put it in the hole, honey.
Let's see what you can do.
Nothing to it.
Yeah!
Sorry.
I guess I should throw underhand.
Here, kid, you win.
I still have one ball.
So do I.
I don't want to keep it.
Allow me, ladies.
Sometimes a steady hand
and a gentle touch works best.
We got another winner, another
winner, a winner every time.
Those are my compliments.
Thank you.
And now for you, little lady.
Another winner!
A winner every time!
I want that one, right up on top.
What difference does it make?
A mouse is a mouse.
It's special.
It's antisocial.
That's why I want it.
Come on, pal, you know what women are like.
Yeah, I know what women are like.
Satisfied?
Very.
Thanks, pal.
Let's go.
Kids.
Thanks for the stuffed animals.
Yeah, thanks.
Please, don't mention it.
I'm Jack. This is my good friend, David.
Would you care to join us for lunch?
Hi, man. This is my good friend, Debbie.
Bye.
Lunch!
But I thought we came to meet guys.
That's the last we'll
ever see of them, I'll bet.
We'll see more of them than you think.
Look where they're going.
Where are they?
Be patient. Any second now.
I don't think this is water, Jack.
What the hell happened here?
They attacked me when I wasn't looking.
What do you think happened?
Hey, boss, how do we
find the one with the duck?
Say, um, pal, you wouldn't by any chance
happen to remember which one
of these lovely little gray rodents
was on the top of that
string over there, would you?
Of course I remember.
It was this one.
Or maybe this one.
It's very cute.
What do women want more than anything else?
Sex?
Attention.
They love to be pursued.
You said...
You gotta be aggressive.
You gotta show them who's in control.
I know this stuff.
When they say no, they really mean yes.
Remember that.
I read somewhere that girls like...
Forget about it.
This isn't the kind of stuff
you can learn from books.
You gotta be experienced.
Let's go.
What do men want more than anything else?
Attention.
Sex.
Then let's give them some.
We don't want to make it too easy.
They like it when it's hard.
They like it when it's hard, too.
Debbie, you're difficult.
First thing you do is make them laugh.
It always works.
Well, hello, ladies.
See what I mean?
My associate and I were
wondering if you two...
Ladies...
Might like to join us
on a nice romantic ride.
Get out of my way, booger breath.
Gotcha again, ha ha,
sucker. Go fuck a duck.
Oh shit!
Don't be blinded by confusion.
Hey, wait a minute.
We'll come to our own conclusions now.
Should have had a good joke.
Oh, that's too bad.
How you doing there?
Fantastic.
It's a beautiful day.
Come on, sonny, everyone's the winner.
Check it out.
Oh, one more.
Come on.
You put one in, I'll
give you two free balls.
Thank you a lot, honey.
It's a beautiful day, everyone.
So why don't you try your luck out here.
Debbie, where are you?
What's wrong?
Did you get sick?
Yeah, I'm getting sick of
being bumped all the time.
Debbie, do I detect a note of
hostility towards your best friend?
I don't have a best friend.
A best friend wouldn't try to steal
the man of my dreams away from me.
What?
You like Jack?
I thought you liked
his friend, the little guy.
What's his name?
I thought you liked the little guy.
No, I like Jack.
But if you like him, you take him.
He's just another guy.
I don't mind, really.
It doesn't matter now.
I don't really care anymore.
Debbie, let's not let a
guy come between us.
We've been friends too long for that.
So you take Jack.
No, you take him.
He obviously likes you better.
And maybe the little
guy's not so bad after all.
You didn't go after the blonde.
What happened?
You said I'm supposed
to go after the blonde.
Why not?
You two have a lot in common.
You both have funny hair.
But I like Angie.
But Angie's obviously mad about me.
Yeah, I noticed.
Come on, baby, old buddy.
Cheer up.
The blonde is cute, full of life.
Probably an absolute monster in bed.
How can you tell that?
Are you kidding?
Look at the way she's dressed.
She's dying to get laid.
Yeah.
Just remember, no means yes.
Maybe she likes the intellectual thing.
Sure she does.
She'll probably fuck your brains right out.
Take a shot at it.
I don't like to think
too much about things.
I like to be impulsive,
do things, you know?
Hey, let's go, huh?
What do you have to do to
get some action around here?
Lovely view from up here, isn't it?
Let's rock it.
Rock it!
Hey, what's the matter?
Aren't you having any fun?
That looks like fun.
Let's do that.
You messed my hair up.
You scared?
Be serious.
Give me another doll.
That was the last one, boss.
You got any more of those rats?
They're not rats, they're mice.
And I don't have any.
Hey, how about some pandas?
Uh, no.
They're really cute.
Listen, how many of
those little gray things
you give away?
This is very important, okay?
So think.
I don't know, five, maybe six.
You remember to whom?
By this time of the season,
everybody looks the same.
Hey, I don't look like nobody else.
You want me to kill him, boss?
Forget it, forget it.
We gotta find those dolls, come on.
I'm bored. I want some action.
Well, my sentiments exactly.
Let's be really wild. Really crazy.
Let's do something we've never done before.
Can I lick your tonsils?
No.
Did you say no?
Ho ho ho, baby!
But I thought you said no!
Oh, Baker's so beautiful!
You were wonderful.
I'll let go if you let go.
You let go first.
Okay, here goes.
One, two, three.
But I thought no meant yes.
No! No means no.
I've been misinformed.
Angie?
What happened?
That asshole tried to rape
me on the roller coaster.
He did?
He was an animal, pulling
at me, slobbering like a fiend.
Really?
I never want to see him
again as long as I live.
You're absolutely right.
The man is an animal, a pig.
I thought you said
girls wanted to be taken.
I thought they did.
I guess I was wrong.
Yeah, no shit.
I thought I was doing great with
Angie, but then she exploded.
You do any better with Devin?
We were locked in an embrace for about
five minutes, if that gives you any idea.
At least one of us did all right.
I doubt if Angie will
ever talk to me again.
Really?
Never talk to you again?
Listen, Jack.
Why don't you take a shot at Devin?
Help you get over this
traumatic experience,
regain your
confidence, you know.
I wouldn't dream of cutting
in on your action, Dave.
Forget about it. We're friends, Jack.
What's mine is yours.
I don't know. I don't think she's my type.
Are you kidding? She's
probably a real fireball.
I mean, she is a real
fireball. She's dying for more.
Come on, Jack, old buddy.
Men of action.
I'll go for it.
This is really grossing me out.
It's okay. I'm all right. Really.
No, no, it's not okay.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, Angie.
Because you're my best friend,
I'm gonna teach that jerk a lesson.
You don't have to do
that, Debbie. Forget it.
No, no, I insist. He deserves it.
He'll be sorry he ever went after you.
No pervert can do things
like that to my best friend.
Oh, God.
Hey, look, Jack, he likes me.
Oh, shit.
I want to talk to you, mister.
Uh-oh. Where's Angie?
She's in the washroom.
Is this gonna hurt?
Hi, Angie.
Hi, David.
You're not supposed to be in here.
This is the girls' washroom.
Separate washrooms
are merely a social device
to keep men and women
from pissing in the same pot.
You know, I never thought of it that way.
Of course you haven't.
Do you have separate washrooms at home?
No, but my father wishes we did.
Sounds like an intelligent chap,
obviously from the old school.
Shall we leave this place?
You're kind of cute for a little guy.
Thank you.
Did you know Napoleon
was only five feet tall?
Who's Napoleon?
What the hell is this?
Open it.
You know this kid?
Yeah. Jack Fleming. He's a good boy.
He's worked with me now three summers.
I hate to tell you this, Charlie, but...
his fingerprints were all over
the case the diamond was in.
You made a mistake.
They masked the fingerprints
in a security clearance file.
You seen him today?
Yeah, sure. He was in earlier.
He's in the park now.
I'm telling you...
you got the wrong guy.
I guess she hates me.
She does.
I guess she's kind of pissed off.
She almost called the police.
She did?
Don't worry. I managed
to talk her out of it.
Thanks.
I guess she never wants to see me again.
Never.
That's pretty final.
She said you're an animal.
Yeah.
I guess I am.
I understand you had a small
problem with my associate.
He's definitely not my type.
Oh, really?
What is your type?
I don't know. I'm still trying to decide.
Sometimes a guy drives a Corvette.
Sometimes a guy drives a Trans Am.
Sometimes a Camaro.
I don't know. What about you?
Myself, I prefer older women.
All 20, 21, mature, worldly,
sophisticated, you know.
But not too seedy.
Where do you find these women?
I don't find them.
They find me.
What else do you look for in a woman?
Oh, I'm not fussy.
I like women with all their limbs.
You know, David, you're the only
boy who's really made me laugh.
Really?
All right, I admit it.
I'm a pig.
I can't control my sexual urges.
I treat women like sex objects.
All I care about are the
pleasures of the flesh.
Well, I promise you, here and now,
that I am never, ever going
to behave like that again.
I'm turning over a new leaf.
And you can tell Angie that.
I don't believe you.
No, I mean it. I'm serious.
You mean to say if a sexy,
beautiful woman walked by right now,
you wouldn't do a thing?
Nope. Wouldn't care.
What if she did this?
Nothing.
What about this?
Wouldn't bother me a bit.
What if she did this?
Uh-uh. Nothing.
I'm not a thing.
Well, what if she did this?
What if she did this?
I'm gonna get a Corvette soon.
Soon as I'm tall enough
to reach the gas pedal.
What are you driving now?
I got one of those flashy Italian jobs.
You know the kind.
10 speeds, two wheels.
Gets about two million miles to the gallon.
Thank you, David.
Thank you for what?
For making me feel so much better.
Half an hour ago, I was ready to go home.
Home?
The night is young, and so are we.
Let's do something adventurous.
Let's do something crazy.
Let's live on the edge.
Okay.
Okay, I'm ready. Let's do it.
Do what?
You know, it.
Right now? Here?
Why not? Are you afraid to do it in public?
Are you kidding? I've
done it lots of times,
in public, in private,
all over the place.
Good, because I wouldn't want
my first time ruined by an amateur.
This is your first time?
Uh-huh.
You wouldn't know it.
So, what do we do first?
Um, well, uh, first we, um, moan.
Moan?
Yeah, you know, moan, like this.
Uh...
Are you sure you've done this before?
Are you kidding me?
At least a thousand times.
So let's take her clothes off.
Not yet.
Next we have foreplay.
We already had foreplay.
We need more.
We'll have more play later. Let's
just take our clothes off, okay?
Sure, why not?
Oh, great!
Am I super stuck?
Not much.
That could be a problem.
Here, let me try.
Gee, that's too bad.
And I was really looking forward to this.
We'll just have to do it
another time, that's all.
Don't worry, I'll get it.
Debbie.
I almost, I almost...
There!
What's wrong?
No, I can't get it up.
That could really be a problem.
What are you supposed to do with it?
Blowjob.
I read somewhere that men
and women go through an
average of 6.2 relationships
in the course of a lifetime.
That's interesting. Was
that in psychology today?
Cosmopolitan. What do you
suppose .2 of a relationship is?
I don't know. Maybe it's a
quickie in the back of a Toyota.
Have you ever had a quickie, David?
Are you kidding me? I get great quickie.
I've never had a quickie. Matter of
fact, I've never had sex of any kind.
You haven't? Neither have I. That's great.
Why is that great?
I don't know. I figured you'd been around
the block more times than the mailman.
What would make you think that?
Well, because you're so beautiful and sexy.
That's the problem. Everybody thinks that
if you're pretty, you fool around a lot.
That's one problem I don't have.
I think you're kind of pretty.
You do?
Someday I'd like to
start one of those 6.2
relationships that we're
supposed to have. Wouldn't you?
Yeah. But right now, I'd settle for the .2.
Angie! Hey, Angie!
Hi, Vince.
Hi, Angie. I called your mother.
She told me you were here.
What are you doing on
this kiddie ride anyway?
Come on. Let's go have some real fun.
I want to introduce you to some friends.
Come on.
But Vince...
No buts, Angie. Let's
go. Summer's almost over.
I always wanted to make it on the sky ride.
Is there anywhere you
don't want to make it?
Well...
I'm thinking.
You're thinking.
You girls have only one thing on your mind.
You think that just because a
guy has a great body, he's easy.
Well, I've been treated like a sex object.
I want to be treated like a...
person for a change.
I'll treat you like a person...
baby.
I guess you came back for this.
No.
I came back for you.
You did?
For me?
What about that other guy?
What other guy?
Come on.
Let's go live on the edge.
I've never met a girl
as wild as you before.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
Shh!
Hey! Hey!
This is where the action never stops
Climb with me and we
can fly right to the top
There's a whole lot of
grown-up here, so get in
When you're feeling
down, you can come around
To Fun Park, oh yeah
It's gonna be alright
Let's go to Fun Park
So you want to go to the dance tonight?
I don't dance, but I like to watch.
You mean you wouldn't go with me?
I could show you how.
I'm spastic.
I have two left feet.
Well, that's OK, because
I have two right feet.
We'll make a perfect couple.
Excuse us.
Say, uh, how much you want for that, uh,
that little gray mousey?
It's not for sale.
It's mine.
I'll give you $50 for it.
We ain't got $50, boss.
How much we got?
Three.
Three bucks.
We spent $200 today.
No, no, no. Relax, relax, relax.
You're my friends, right?
I'll give you three bucks for it.
Like the lady said,
the mouse isn't for sale.
We'll just have to take it then, won't we?
You won't help!
Why don't you pick on
someone your own size?
My size.
Now you're bigger than me.
Now you're my size again.
And now you're bigger than me again.
So I guess a pretty girl like
you has a boyfriend or two.
Just one.
Oh yeah?
What's he like?
He's energetic.
He's got a wild sense of humor.
He likes to have fun and
he's very good looking.
Sounds all right, I guess.
You like that type?
I like that type.
Yeah.
He's got one bad quality though.
Oh yeah?
What's that?
He's a pig.
I like this guy.
You should see more of him.
Oh, look, there's David.
What do you suppose he's doing?
I don't know.
He must be on some kind of ride.
He looks like he's having fun.
Yeah.
But there aren't any rides over there.
Come on.
There we go, you moron!
What's the matter?
Aren't you having any fun?
Relax, cutie.
Baby face won't hurt you old fan...
much.
Look who it is here.
God damn it!
What should I do with
the little fellow, boss?
Put him down, shithead.
I said put him down.
Or what, punk?
You're not so brave now, huh, hotshot?
Come on, mister.
Let him go.
He didn't do anything to you.
Make your deal.
You give us the rat, we give you the runt.
The doll?
Yeah, the doll.
Why not?
Okay.
Debbie, let him have it.
Okay.
Hey.
That belongs to me, kid.
Give me it.
No, I don't think so.
Hey, hey, hey!
Look, they're after me.
I know my way around here.
You go that way, and I'll
lead them off the other way,
and I'll meet you back at Charlie's.
Got it.
Tell them I have the diamonds.
You go with them.
I'm staying with you.
It's too dangerous, Debbie.
I'm not leaving you.
This is no time to argue.
There they are!
The big guy had me by my neck.
He was pushing me up and down like this.
The other guy has a knife.
Shit!
Jack, wait for me here.
I don't believe it.
I love you.
I love you too, Jack, but this
is not the time or the place.
No, no, your underwear.
You love my underwear?
Let's go.
It's you!
You're the one I saw
this morning on the street,
but your hair is different.
Couldn't be any more
different than it is now.
I can't believe I fell in love
with you twice in the same day.
What are the odds on that?
What are the odds on,
uh, getting off this roof?
After you.
Jack?
Okay, kiddies, give me the rock.
No way.
Come on. I'll give you 50 bucks for it.
Blow it out your ass.
Ah. Listen.
Two kinds of people
in the world, all right?
Smart ones and dead ones.
What are you?
Gee, boss, they should
have taken the 50 bucks.
Go get him!
Hey, boss, this is fun!
I'm okay, boss. I'm okay.
Go for it, girl.
Jump!
That appears to be safe.
All right.
We did it, Debbie. We lost him.
You really fell in love
with me this morning?
From the minute I saw you.
But I look so regular then.
I thought you were special.
Very special.
Really?
I've been in love with you for over...
12 hours now.
Gee.
That's practically a lifetime.
Oh, shit.
We got him, boss.
We got him.
Good. Good.
Where are they?
Right behind you.
Good. Just, uh, hold him still.
Hold him still.
Now, uh, kid.
Give me the, uh...
The diamond.
Right. Give me the diamond.
If you want a big face,
you're gonna have to take it.
Look, um,
either give me the ice,
or we'll make her face look like her hair.
What's that supposed to mean, greaseball?
Shut up, wirehead.
What do you say, kid?
You don't leave me much choice.
Don't give it to him,
Jack. He's an asshole.
Diamonds are supposed
to be a girl's best friend.
You almost qualify.
They're getting away, boss!
They're getting away!
Who gives a shit?
We got the diamond.
Jack, I brought the police.
You Jack Fleming?
Yeah. Boy, am I glad to see you guys.
You're under arrest.
Okay, Fleming. You're next.
I'm sorry, Jack. This is all my fault.
I shouldn't have gone to the
police. I tried to explain to them.
Don't worry about it, David.
They don't have a thing on me.
But they found your
fingerprints on some case.
Jesus Christ.
I was from this morning.
Morning!
Wait! Listen, I have an idea.
Now, whatever you do, don't
let them leave until I get back.
What do you want me to do?
Stall them, ramble on, tell
them your life story, anything.
What are you gonna do?
Deliver the diamond
and the guys who stole it.
Men of action, remember?
Women of action, too.
Now.
Alright, I'll talk.
You will?
Yes.
Yes, I can't stand it anymore.
The constant badgering,
the endless accusations.
I'll tell you whatever
you want to know, just...
Just let me rest!
You just got here.
We got it. Look at the
size of this mother...
Hey, you!
You're making my day.
Holy shit!
Who's that?
I don't know. I don't want to find out.
Hi there. Remember me?
You don't mind if I take this, do you?
Hey, wait a minute.
I wouldn't suggest moving.
My buddy back there has a
very big gun, and he likes using it.
So, uh...
Why don't you put your hands up?
Now!
You thought I was just a punk, didn't you?
Someone you could push around.
Well, how does it feel now, tough guys?
I bet you're ready to shit
your pants, aren't you?
Well, I'm gonna be leaving now.
But my friend back there, he's gonna
hang around and keep an eye on you clowns.
At least till the cops come.
Hey, what are you doing?
Are you crazy?
You want to die?
It's your funeral.
Oh, shit.
Where is he?
I can't see him.
He's gotta be around here somewhere.
Well, find him then.
Split up.
Hey, you big dummy!
I got you now, you little fat...
Yeah, that's it. I was desperate, see?
I figured you cops were gonna
nail me for that payroll job,
so I needed some quick dough to blow town.
Payroll job?
Say, you can't pin out on me, copper.
I had nothing to do with
that. It was Lefty's mob.
Lefty? Lefty who?
All right, all right, so I was there,
but they forced me to go along.
They threatened to tell
Moose about that 50 grand.
I don't understand. Moose?
Don't you see? There
was nothing else I could do.
Moose is crazy. He'd have killed me.
What the hell does this
have to do with the diamond?
You'll see.
Hey, Butch!
Hi, girls.
Hi, sweetheart.
Bullseye.
Whoa.
Hiya, baby, what's your sign?
Hustle.
Hey, sweetheart, be nice.
I just wanna be friendly.
That's more like it.
What'd you do with the diamond, kid?
And don't give me any
more of that moose shit.
I want the truth.
All right, Lieutenant.
For the truth, I'll tell you what
happened to the diamond.
Good.
Now we're getting someplace.
The fat man took it aboard the
steamer, Ori and Princess, two hours ago.
It's now on its way to Hong Kong.
Hey.
Come on, kid.
Be smart.
Quit screwing around.
Give me that.
Want it, slime bag?
You're going to have to come and get it.
Slime bag?
I'll show you who's a slime bag.
Hey!
I got it.
I got the ice.
Hey.
This ice.
It's ice.
You little bastard.
Hey.
Get me down out of here.
This is a risk to my health.
Bye bye, slime bag.
I got to get that ice.
When you're alone.
12 o'clock and you're feeling down
What am I supposed to do?
It's a shame we don't feel the same
You say you wanna keep it simple
And then it's true
Did you find him, boss?
Does it look like I found him?
The bastards are in this park somewhere,
and we're gonna find them if we
have to tear every building apart.
Have you looked on the midway?
No, I haven't looked on the midway.
I've been up in a goddamn
hot-air balloon for the last...
Who said that?
I did.
Ah! Get that bastard!
Think of loving him
Who's the one that forces us
Stop fooling around
All right, let's have a
big round of applause!
Oh, look at that girl!
Yeah!
And now, come on, cheer it!
All right!
Now, Debbie.
All right, our next contestant.
A dance team from all
the way from Long Beach.
Let's hear it for The Breakers.
What an entrance. Did you see that, kids?
Did you see that, kids?
How did he left you know that
the fat man was working for the elk?
Not the elk, the moose.
Yeah, yeah, a moose.
Well, you see...
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Yes?
I've had it. That's it. No more stories.
They're going downtown.
We're going to sort
this out at Juvenile Hall.
Oh, yeah!
I believe you're looking for this?
Where'd you get this?
From them.
How you doing?
Uuuuugh!
You were wonderful.
Oh, that's just the way
we men of action are.
Cool under pressure.
Ready for any challenge.
What was that for?
For saving my ass.
That's the best part.
And the rest ain't so bad either.
Well then, where are you going?
To get a drink of water.
All this ass saving is making me thirsty.
Hey, David.
What's wrong with you?
I think I'm in love, Jack.
It's the most amazing feeling.
I mean, it's really amazing.
I hope it never goes away.
Look where they've gone.
What do you think? Should we?
Nah.
Hey!
That was quite a performance there, Jack.
You had me fooled for about a minute.
I'm just glad David
showed up with the thugs.
I'm just glad David showed
up with the diamond.
Now I can give the goddamn thing away.
All right, this is the one
you've been waiting for.
The lucky winner of the
Diamond Jubilee Diamond
is ticket number 263-9058.
263-9058.
One more time, that's 263-9058.
Hey, boss, look at this.
Don't bother me. I'm thinking.
But boss, it says...
I don't care what it says.
On the creeper zone, I got my hick-ass back
I ain't gonna look like any other hack
I'm picking up my baby in the daddy's car
And all the time I pray to my lucky star
I say don't let me find her old
boyfriend or rent her a house
Cos she's 6'3", he weighs 200 pounds
She's a high school champion
and I think she's a mccow
That's my girl, that's my girl
She's the only one for
me in the whole wide world
That's my girl, that's my girl
Well, she's the only one for me
Well, tonight's the night, I
know it's gonna be all right
Dancing with my baby
and her eyes are bright
Rocking and rolling down her maxi's bar
And all the time I pray to my lucky star
I say please, please, please
make your daddy go to bed
Before we get home
I wanna hold her tight, I wanna be alone
But he don't understand,
he's got a heart on store
That's my girl, that's my girl
She's the only one for
me in the whole wide world
That's my girl, that's my girl
We started dancing and
love put us into a groove
And then we started to groove
It's been a good summer, kids
But don't worry
We're gonna have a better one next year
And the year after that
Well, I finally made it on the sky ride
Isn't it great up here?
Yeah, but do you have any ideas
on how we're gonna get down?
David and Andrew are
probably looking for us right now
Maybe they have the same idea we do
I don't think so
You don't know David like I do, trust me
But now he's with somebody new
He tried pretending our dance
was just a dance, but I see
He's dancing his way back to me
Yes, he discovered we are truly lovers
Magic from the very start
Cos love just can't be proven
And it's got me moving
Even though we dance the part
So we started dancing and
that put us into the groove
As soon as we started to move
Magic
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Everything, everything, everything
gonna be alright this morning.
Oh, yeah.
I spell him, H-I-N.
That reverent name, N-O-B.
Whoa, child. Why?
I'm a man. That mean, Irish boy.
I'm a man. I'm a full-blown man.
I'm a man.
Bill! Bill, you here?
6 a.m.
Probably on a coffee break.
Or...
he was overpowered by a gang of ruthless,
international bad guys.
It's up to me to stop them now.
Freeze, scumbags!
Girl's best friend.
Next to me.
That little John the Conqueror.
All you little girls.
Sending out that line.
I can make love to you, woman.
Five minutes, John.
Ain't that a mean?
I spell you.
A child.
In.
That rubber band I'm grown.
No, baby.
All the time.
Why?
That mean marriage, boy.
Man.
I'm a full grown man.
Man.
I'm a natural mother's man.
Man.
Next.
Tell me.
Dinner's ready.
Night.
Come on.
We got work to do.
This is so easy, it's
almost a crime to steal it.
Look, boss, it says...
I don't care what it says.
We're supposed to cut the alarm.
We'll cut something.
I've got idiots on my side.
Why did you send me idiots?
Quick! In here!
Grabbing the gray rat
at the top of the string.
The one with the heart.
Patty, watch for cops.
Don't hurt him.
Shut up.
I've come back for you.
Things cool down.
Put it back at the top.
Okay, let's get out of here.
Where'd you park the car?
Uh-oh.
You didn't steal the car.
Come here, baby.
Hello, Pops. Hello, Chris.
Hey, sure stuff. You
break any hearts today?
Uh, yeah.
Are you going to eat now, Jack?
Are you going to eat
now or when you get up?
Now, Mom. I'm not going to bed.
I don't know, son. You're
going to need your rest.
School starts tomorrow.
That's the whole point, Pops.
This is my last day of freedom.
I got to make every minute count.
I got to have adventure.
I got to live on the edge.
Gosh, I remember when I was your age.
The last day of summer meant going
down to the F.W. Woolworth's store
and buying school supplies.
A brand-new binder. Paper, pens, pencils.
A new pencil box and eraser.
Listen, Pops, I'd love to stick
around and talk old times with you,
but I only got 24 hours,
you know what I mean?
Those little binder tabs.
And, of course, a very
good steel-edged ruler.
That was a very important tool.
Hey, bud, what's that?
You can't!
Six.
Seven.
Nine.
Debbie, I thought we were getting ready.
The appointment's in half an hour.
Okay, Mom.
Could you turn the music back up?
Tomorrow's our first day back at
school, so we want to look our best.
Okay, Mom.
I'll see you downstairs.
Sure, fine.
Kid Boo
Kid Boo
Are we all set to go, dear?
Shit.
Now this shit turned a few heads.
Get serious.
No boy will even look at me like this.
Oh, now, don't be silly.
You look adorable. Doesn't
she look adorable, Michael?
As adorable as a little princess.
And just as cute as a button.
Who'd want to fuck a button?
I didn't hear that.
Be real, Mom.
I'm 16.
It's time I experienced life.
Did things.
I'm a young woman in full
control of her physical being.
My hormones are boiling over.
Now, Debbie.
And now you've made me
look like a thousand other girls.
I'm not going to experience
anything looking like this.
You look fabulous, sweetheart.
And very attractive.
Only a complete dickface
would find this attractive.
Well, what do you think? Is it me?
It's you. Definitely.
You're blowing my nose a whole new meaning.
It's for a sick friend.
You think it'll work?
Just the thing you need.
Great. I'll take it.
Terrific.
Have a nut.
Oh, thanks.
That's funny.
Excuse me young man, would you mind moving
that car for me? I'm in a terrible hurry.
Came to the right person, ma'am.
This will be a moving
experience for the both of us.
You hurt, boss?
You're stamping on my hand.
Come on, David.
Get it up.
You can do it.
Harder.
I can't do it, Rachel.
I can't.
Oh, sure you can.
Don't worry, David.
This happens sometimes.
You'll get it up next time.
Yeah, if I don't die of a heart
attack in the next 30 seconds.
Ah, refreshment.
Can't I have a Coke, Dad?
It's got sugar in it.
It'll rot your teeth.
Isn't that right, Rachel, honey?
That's right, Frank, honey.
This is better for you.
But how am I supposed to
wash all these rocks down?
Cabbage juice.
Come on, Davey boy, be a man.
David?
David, you in here?
I, uh, you look as lousy as I feel.
What's the matter with you?
I OD'd on health.
Being a man makes me puke.
It's because you're going
about it the wrong way, kiddo.
You're exercising the wrong muscle.
I see you're your usual subtle self.
Subtlety doesn't get you anywhere, David.
Especially with women.
But this, this gives you the opportunity
to say with complete sincerity to any girl,
as long as I have a face,
you have a place to sit.
I appreciate your insights
into female sexual habits,
but I'm not good with women.
I'm much better with inanimate objects,
furniture, plant life, rock formations.
All right, David, I'm just fooling around.
Sex isn't everything.
Love, happiness, one percent.
Jack.
Come on, David, old buddy.
You're always like this after those
muscle sessions with your old man.
I'm trying to cheer you up.
We got some living to do.
Do we have to?
Think of what's waiting for us out there.
Just a minute.
That's what you said 30 minutes ago.
There's other members of this family
that have got to use the bathroom too.
Come on Angie, open the door.
Half an hour ago, nature was calling.
Now she's screaming at
me. Open the door Angie.
Just a minute Papa.
Hey, what do you want me to do, take
the door off the hinges again? Open up.
Sorry Papa.
You look like a street walker
with all that crap on your face.
I look like a fashion model,
like in Vogue, you know?
Yeah, sure.
This sucks, the big one.
Be an Angie, baby!
Hi, Vince. How you doing?
Terrific. Couldn't be better.
Can you give me a lift?
I'm sorry. I'm already
late for a tennis game,
but I'll call you later.
We'll do something, okay?
Sure, Vince.
Ciao.
What took you so long?
Excuse me?
I said, what took you so long?
I've been waiting half an hour.
Oh, my god.
Debbie, is that you?
It's me, all right.
What did you do to your hair?
I fixed it.
Do you like it?
It's certainly different.
Good.
As long as it's not nice.
God, I hate that word, nice.
What did your mother say?
She mumbled something
about God, and then she fainted.
What do you really think about it?
Oh, it's definitely you.
By me.
Do you mean the home me or the school me?
Or the real me?
Oh, the real you.
No question about it.
But is it just, you know, the real me?
Or is it the real me, me?
It's the real you, you!
Oh, my God. He's gorgeous.
Who?
The guy at the back of the bus. Don't look.
I said don't look.
I guess he's not bad.
Not bad? Are you crazy?
He is so fine.
I don't believe it.
What's wrong with you?
I think I just had a religious experience.
You found God?
A goddess.
The most exquisitely
beautiful creature in the world.
The woman of my dreams.
Who?
That vision of loveliness ahead.
Which vision of loveliness?
The chick in the polka dot dress.
Ah, that vision of loveliness.
He's what I call prime.
Who?
The guy sitting beside him.
Him? Prime?
Definitely.
Then he's all yours.
He will be.
This has got to be my lucky day.
First a blonde with the
pink panties and now...
I'm in love again.
Wait a minute, I saw her first.
Yeah, but she smiled at me.
So maybe she thinks you're funny looking.
I'm in love again.
Well, I guess she wouldn't
go for a guy like me anyway.
Let's make our move.
When?
Right now.
But what about me?
Don't worry, she's probably got a friend.
Chicks always travel in pairs.
And the friend's always a dog.
Come on.
Oh God, he's coming this way.
Which one?
Mine.
Oh God, so is mine.
What do we do?
Be cool. Pretend we don't even see them.
Act natural.
See?
She has a friend.
She on a leash.
Now there's a trick.
Picking up chicks.
This is our stop.
We'll get off casually and...
They'll follow. It's as simple as that.
That's the plan?
Trust me. I know women.
Come on.
Should we look?
Not yet.
They won't like us if
they think we like them.
I don't think they're coming.
Don't worry.
They're just playing hard to get.
They'll be off in a minute.
All right. Now we can turn around.
Hi, there.
That's what I call playing hard to get.
Should we look now?
Okay, just a quick one.
Shit.
Not only that, but we missed our stop.
Well, there goes my
last chance for happiness.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! I don't
want to hear that kind of talk.
We have the whole day ahead of us.
We're gonna have adventure.
We're gonna have laughs.
And you know why?
Because we are men of action!
So, uh, what are we men of action gonna do?
Well, buddy, I'm talking about
something that starts with an F...
and ends with a K.
Does it have a U in it?
It most certainly does.
All right, listen up, everybody.
All you guys and gals, moms and dads
and assorted hangers out here at Fun Park.
We're having our last big blast.
We're getting ready for it right now.
8 p.m. tonight, right
here under the midway.
All you guys, gals, moms, dads
and pets right here at the midway.
Tonight is the night. We're
getting ready for it right now.
The last blast of summer.
Drop your socks, grab your
partners, and come on down.
Leif and Larry will be here first, and
I want to see you right here tonight.
Fun Park. Very amusing.
Hey, I said we're gonna do
something that starts with an F...
and ends with a K. We're gonna.
Here?
Are you kidding? Look around.
This place is crawling with chicks.
Yeah, crawling. Like out from under a rock.
Don't be negative.
Men of action, remember? We are the men.
And this is the action.
I'm breaking all the rules
That's what I seem to do
I wanna make it with you, with you
I'm just playing the fool
I'm breaking all the rules
I'm playing every rule
To get through to you, babe
It's not a pain to do
To get through to you now, babe
Breaking all the rules
I wanna make it with you
Just playing with food
Now this is a practice run.
What are we practicing for?
For the rest of the day.
Now just relax and be heavy.
Girls, how are you? Glad to see you.
Hi, Jack.
I love it.
This is my good friend, David.
Hi, David.
Oh, shit.
Could you get that for me, sweetheart?
Thanks, honey. Could you put it
back on? My fingernails are wet.
It's not gonna bite ya!
You're a real marksman, kid.
What are we doing here?
It's clear that you're not yet comfortable
with a female anatomy, David Orr, but...
you need a new perspective.
What are you talking about?
Observe.
This is wrong, Jack.
I know.
We shouldn't be doing this.
I know.
Get a load of the ass on that one.
I know.
What's that?
Don't worry about it. It's just water.
You sure?
Trust me.
Where the hell is he?
Where the hell have you been?
Buying a ticket for the
Diamond Jubilee Draw.
What?
To throw off suspicion.
If we have a ticket on the draw,
nobody will think we stole the diamond.
Smart, huh?
I'm dazzled by the brilliance of your plan.
Come on.
Shut up!
Hello? Yes, this is Charlie.
Yes.
What do you mean I'm not covered?
I pay you guys a fortune in premiums.
What are you talking
about? My security is
the best money can
buy. You guys okayed it.
He was hit on the head for...
Now look, don't give me that shit. I
can't even a $50,000 loss, it'll break me.
I want to see some action,
and I want to see it now.
Hi, guy. Money.
Something wrong, Charlie?
Somebody stole the goddamn diamond.
Nothing to worry about, though.
Don't give it a second thought.
Never any trouble in Fun Park.
Right, kid?
Now, what can I do for you?
I came for my last paycheck.
But if you're busy, I can, uh...
Oh, no, no, forget it.
How much do I owe you?
Oh, with deductions, about $150.
You can check with the bookkeeper.
I trust you, kid.
You say it's $150, it's $150.
Here.
Thanks, Charlie.
You sure everything's okay?
Now, if Charlie says everything's okay,
everything's okay, right?
Right.
Okay, go on, get out of here.
Go have some fun.
Thanks a lot, Charlie.
I'll see you next summer.
Sure thing, Jack.
Oh, and bring your little
pal along with you, too.
We'll put him to work.
Put a little muscle on him.
It's not fair!
That's not fair.
Why, you whimpering maverick!
You couldn't hit a barn a mile wide!
Go!
All right, honey, come on, you can do it.
All you gotta do is pull it out.
David, this is amazing. Come here.
What?
I saw those two chicks from the bus.
Where?
Over by that game booth. Come on, let's go.
I don't know, Jack.
David!
What are we?
I don't know, Jack.
What are we, huh?
Man of action.
Right, what do we do?
We go for it.
Right, let's go.
Come on, David!
Nothing to it, babe.
Just put it in the hole, honey.
Let's see what you can do.
Nothing to it.
Yeah!
Sorry.
I guess I should throw underhand.
Here, kid, you win.
I still have one ball.
So do I.
I don't want to keep it.
Allow me, ladies.
Sometimes a steady hand
and a gentle touch works best.
We got another winner, another
winner, a winner every time.
Those are my compliments.
Thank you.
And now for you, little lady.
Another winner!
A winner every time!
I want that one, right up on top.
What difference does it make?
A mouse is a mouse.
It's special.
It's antisocial.
That's why I want it.
Come on, pal, you know what women are like.
Yeah, I know what women are like.
Satisfied?
Very.
Thanks, pal.
Let's go.
Kids.
Thanks for the stuffed animals.
Yeah, thanks.
Please, don't mention it.
I'm Jack. This is my good friend, David.
Would you care to join us for lunch?
Hi, man. This is my good friend, Debbie.
Bye.
Lunch!
But I thought we came to meet guys.
That's the last we'll
ever see of them, I'll bet.
We'll see more of them than you think.
Look where they're going.
Where are they?
Be patient. Any second now.
I don't think this is water, Jack.
What the hell happened here?
They attacked me when I wasn't looking.
What do you think happened?
Hey, boss, how do we
find the one with the duck?
Say, um, pal, you wouldn't by any chance
happen to remember which one
of these lovely little gray rodents
was on the top of that
string over there, would you?
Of course I remember.
It was this one.
Or maybe this one.
It's very cute.
What do women want more than anything else?
Sex?
Attention.
They love to be pursued.
You said...
You gotta be aggressive.
You gotta show them who's in control.
I know this stuff.
When they say no, they really mean yes.
Remember that.
I read somewhere that girls like...
Forget about it.
This isn't the kind of stuff
you can learn from books.
You gotta be experienced.
Let's go.
What do men want more than anything else?
Attention.
Sex.
Then let's give them some.
We don't want to make it too easy.
They like it when it's hard.
They like it when it's hard, too.
Debbie, you're difficult.
First thing you do is make them laugh.
It always works.
Well, hello, ladies.
See what I mean?
My associate and I were
wondering if you two...
Ladies...
Might like to join us
on a nice romantic ride.
Get out of my way, booger breath.
Gotcha again, ha ha,
sucker. Go fuck a duck.
Oh shit!
Don't be blinded by confusion.
Hey, wait a minute.
We'll come to our own conclusions now.
Should have had a good joke.
Oh, that's too bad.
How you doing there?
Fantastic.
It's a beautiful day.
Come on, sonny, everyone's the winner.
Check it out.
Oh, one more.
Come on.
You put one in, I'll
give you two free balls.
Thank you a lot, honey.
It's a beautiful day, everyone.
So why don't you try your luck out here.
Debbie, where are you?
What's wrong?
Did you get sick?
Yeah, I'm getting sick of
being bumped all the time.
Debbie, do I detect a note of
hostility towards your best friend?
I don't have a best friend.
A best friend wouldn't try to steal
the man of my dreams away from me.
What?
You like Jack?
I thought you liked
his friend, the little guy.
What's his name?
I thought you liked the little guy.
No, I like Jack.
But if you like him, you take him.
He's just another guy.
I don't mind, really.
It doesn't matter now.
I don't really care anymore.
Debbie, let's not let a
guy come between us.
We've been friends too long for that.
So you take Jack.
No, you take him.
He obviously likes you better.
And maybe the little
guy's not so bad after all.
You didn't go after the blonde.
What happened?
You said I'm supposed
to go after the blonde.
Why not?
You two have a lot in common.
You both have funny hair.
But I like Angie.
But Angie's obviously mad about me.
Yeah, I noticed.
Come on, baby, old buddy.
Cheer up.
The blonde is cute, full of life.
Probably an absolute monster in bed.
How can you tell that?
Are you kidding?
Look at the way she's dressed.
She's dying to get laid.
Yeah.
Just remember, no means yes.
Maybe she likes the intellectual thing.
Sure she does.
She'll probably fuck your brains right out.
Take a shot at it.
I don't like to think
too much about things.
I like to be impulsive,
do things, you know?
Hey, let's go, huh?
What do you have to do to
get some action around here?
Lovely view from up here, isn't it?
Let's rock it.
Rock it!
Hey, what's the matter?
Aren't you having any fun?
That looks like fun.
Let's do that.
You messed my hair up.
You scared?
Be serious.
Give me another doll.
That was the last one, boss.
You got any more of those rats?
They're not rats, they're mice.
And I don't have any.
Hey, how about some pandas?
Uh, no.
They're really cute.
Listen, how many of
those little gray things
you give away?
This is very important, okay?
So think.
I don't know, five, maybe six.
You remember to whom?
By this time of the season,
everybody looks the same.
Hey, I don't look like nobody else.
You want me to kill him, boss?
Forget it, forget it.
We gotta find those dolls, come on.
I'm bored. I want some action.
Well, my sentiments exactly.
Let's be really wild. Really crazy.
Let's do something we've never done before.
Can I lick your tonsils?
No.
Did you say no?
Ho ho ho, baby!
But I thought you said no!
Oh, Baker's so beautiful!
You were wonderful.
I'll let go if you let go.
You let go first.
Okay, here goes.
One, two, three.
But I thought no meant yes.
No! No means no.
I've been misinformed.
Angie?
What happened?
That asshole tried to rape
me on the roller coaster.
He did?
He was an animal, pulling
at me, slobbering like a fiend.
Really?
I never want to see him
again as long as I live.
You're absolutely right.
The man is an animal, a pig.
I thought you said
girls wanted to be taken.
I thought they did.
I guess I was wrong.
Yeah, no shit.
I thought I was doing great with
Angie, but then she exploded.
You do any better with Devin?
We were locked in an embrace for about
five minutes, if that gives you any idea.
At least one of us did all right.
I doubt if Angie will
ever talk to me again.
Really?
Never talk to you again?
Listen, Jack.
Why don't you take a shot at Devin?
Help you get over this
traumatic experience,
regain your
confidence, you know.
I wouldn't dream of cutting
in on your action, Dave.
Forget about it. We're friends, Jack.
What's mine is yours.
I don't know. I don't think she's my type.
Are you kidding? She's
probably a real fireball.
I mean, she is a real
fireball. She's dying for more.
Come on, Jack, old buddy.
Men of action.
I'll go for it.
This is really grossing me out.
It's okay. I'm all right. Really.
No, no, it's not okay.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do, Angie.
Because you're my best friend,
I'm gonna teach that jerk a lesson.
You don't have to do
that, Debbie. Forget it.
No, no, I insist. He deserves it.
He'll be sorry he ever went after you.
No pervert can do things
like that to my best friend.
Oh, God.
Hey, look, Jack, he likes me.
Oh, shit.
I want to talk to you, mister.
Uh-oh. Where's Angie?
She's in the washroom.
Is this gonna hurt?
Hi, Angie.
Hi, David.
You're not supposed to be in here.
This is the girls' washroom.
Separate washrooms
are merely a social device
to keep men and women
from pissing in the same pot.
You know, I never thought of it that way.
Of course you haven't.
Do you have separate washrooms at home?
No, but my father wishes we did.
Sounds like an intelligent chap,
obviously from the old school.
Shall we leave this place?
You're kind of cute for a little guy.
Thank you.
Did you know Napoleon
was only five feet tall?
Who's Napoleon?
What the hell is this?
Open it.
You know this kid?
Yeah. Jack Fleming. He's a good boy.
He's worked with me now three summers.
I hate to tell you this, Charlie, but...
his fingerprints were all over
the case the diamond was in.
You made a mistake.
They masked the fingerprints
in a security clearance file.
You seen him today?
Yeah, sure. He was in earlier.
He's in the park now.
I'm telling you...
you got the wrong guy.
I guess she hates me.
She does.
I guess she's kind of pissed off.
She almost called the police.
She did?
Don't worry. I managed
to talk her out of it.
Thanks.
I guess she never wants to see me again.
Never.
That's pretty final.
She said you're an animal.
Yeah.
I guess I am.
I understand you had a small
problem with my associate.
He's definitely not my type.
Oh, really?
What is your type?
I don't know. I'm still trying to decide.
Sometimes a guy drives a Corvette.
Sometimes a guy drives a Trans Am.
Sometimes a Camaro.
I don't know. What about you?
Myself, I prefer older women.
All 20, 21, mature, worldly,
sophisticated, you know.
But not too seedy.
Where do you find these women?
I don't find them.
They find me.
What else do you look for in a woman?
Oh, I'm not fussy.
I like women with all their limbs.
You know, David, you're the only
boy who's really made me laugh.
Really?
All right, I admit it.
I'm a pig.
I can't control my sexual urges.
I treat women like sex objects.
All I care about are the
pleasures of the flesh.
Well, I promise you, here and now,
that I am never, ever going
to behave like that again.
I'm turning over a new leaf.
And you can tell Angie that.
I don't believe you.
No, I mean it. I'm serious.
You mean to say if a sexy,
beautiful woman walked by right now,
you wouldn't do a thing?
Nope. Wouldn't care.
What if she did this?
Nothing.
What about this?
Wouldn't bother me a bit.
What if she did this?
Uh-uh. Nothing.
I'm not a thing.
Well, what if she did this?
What if she did this?
I'm gonna get a Corvette soon.
Soon as I'm tall enough
to reach the gas pedal.
What are you driving now?
I got one of those flashy Italian jobs.
You know the kind.
10 speeds, two wheels.
Gets about two million miles to the gallon.
Thank you, David.
Thank you for what?
For making me feel so much better.
Half an hour ago, I was ready to go home.
Home?
The night is young, and so are we.
Let's do something adventurous.
Let's do something crazy.
Let's live on the edge.
Okay.
Okay, I'm ready. Let's do it.
Do what?
You know, it.
Right now? Here?
Why not? Are you afraid to do it in public?
Are you kidding? I've
done it lots of times,
in public, in private,
all over the place.
Good, because I wouldn't want
my first time ruined by an amateur.
This is your first time?
Uh-huh.
You wouldn't know it.
So, what do we do first?
Um, well, uh, first we, um, moan.
Moan?
Yeah, you know, moan, like this.
Uh...
Are you sure you've done this before?
Are you kidding me?
At least a thousand times.
So let's take her clothes off.
Not yet.
Next we have foreplay.
We already had foreplay.
We need more.
We'll have more play later. Let's
just take our clothes off, okay?
Sure, why not?
Oh, great!
Am I super stuck?
Not much.
That could be a problem.
Here, let me try.
Gee, that's too bad.
And I was really looking forward to this.
We'll just have to do it
another time, that's all.
Don't worry, I'll get it.
Debbie.
I almost, I almost...
There!
What's wrong?
No, I can't get it up.
That could really be a problem.
What are you supposed to do with it?
Blowjob.
I read somewhere that men
and women go through an
average of 6.2 relationships
in the course of a lifetime.
That's interesting. Was
that in psychology today?
Cosmopolitan. What do you
suppose .2 of a relationship is?
I don't know. Maybe it's a
quickie in the back of a Toyota.
Have you ever had a quickie, David?
Are you kidding me? I get great quickie.
I've never had a quickie. Matter of
fact, I've never had sex of any kind.
You haven't? Neither have I. That's great.
Why is that great?
I don't know. I figured you'd been around
the block more times than the mailman.
What would make you think that?
Well, because you're so beautiful and sexy.
That's the problem. Everybody thinks that
if you're pretty, you fool around a lot.
That's one problem I don't have.
I think you're kind of pretty.
You do?
Someday I'd like to
start one of those 6.2
relationships that we're
supposed to have. Wouldn't you?
Yeah. But right now, I'd settle for the .2.
Angie! Hey, Angie!
Hi, Vince.
Hi, Angie. I called your mother.
She told me you were here.
What are you doing on
this kiddie ride anyway?
Come on. Let's go have some real fun.
I want to introduce you to some friends.
Come on.
But Vince...
No buts, Angie. Let's
go. Summer's almost over.
I always wanted to make it on the sky ride.
Is there anywhere you
don't want to make it?
Well...
I'm thinking.
You're thinking.
You girls have only one thing on your mind.
You think that just because a
guy has a great body, he's easy.
Well, I've been treated like a sex object.
I want to be treated like a...
person for a change.
I'll treat you like a person...
baby.
I guess you came back for this.
No.
I came back for you.
You did?
For me?
What about that other guy?
What other guy?
Come on.
Let's go live on the edge.
I've never met a girl
as wild as you before.
You ain't seen nothing yet.
Shh!
Hey! Hey!
This is where the action never stops
Climb with me and we
can fly right to the top
There's a whole lot of
grown-up here, so get in
When you're feeling
down, you can come around
To Fun Park, oh yeah
It's gonna be alright
Let's go to Fun Park
So you want to go to the dance tonight?
I don't dance, but I like to watch.
You mean you wouldn't go with me?
I could show you how.
I'm spastic.
I have two left feet.
Well, that's OK, because
I have two right feet.
We'll make a perfect couple.
Excuse us.
Say, uh, how much you want for that, uh,
that little gray mousey?
It's not for sale.
It's mine.
I'll give you $50 for it.
We ain't got $50, boss.
How much we got?
Three.
Three bucks.
We spent $200 today.
No, no, no. Relax, relax, relax.
You're my friends, right?
I'll give you three bucks for it.
Like the lady said,
the mouse isn't for sale.
We'll just have to take it then, won't we?
You won't help!
Why don't you pick on
someone your own size?
My size.
Now you're bigger than me.
Now you're my size again.
And now you're bigger than me again.
So I guess a pretty girl like
you has a boyfriend or two.
Just one.
Oh yeah?
What's he like?
He's energetic.
He's got a wild sense of humor.
He likes to have fun and
he's very good looking.
Sounds all right, I guess.
You like that type?
I like that type.
Yeah.
He's got one bad quality though.
Oh yeah?
What's that?
He's a pig.
I like this guy.
You should see more of him.
Oh, look, there's David.
What do you suppose he's doing?
I don't know.
He must be on some kind of ride.
He looks like he's having fun.
Yeah.
But there aren't any rides over there.
Come on.
There we go, you moron!
What's the matter?
Aren't you having any fun?
Relax, cutie.
Baby face won't hurt you old fan...
much.
Look who it is here.
God damn it!
What should I do with
the little fellow, boss?
Put him down, shithead.
I said put him down.
Or what, punk?
You're not so brave now, huh, hotshot?
Come on, mister.
Let him go.
He didn't do anything to you.
Make your deal.
You give us the rat, we give you the runt.
The doll?
Yeah, the doll.
Why not?
Okay.
Debbie, let him have it.
Okay.
Hey.
That belongs to me, kid.
Give me it.
No, I don't think so.
Hey, hey, hey!
Look, they're after me.
I know my way around here.
You go that way, and I'll
lead them off the other way,
and I'll meet you back at Charlie's.
Got it.
Tell them I have the diamonds.
You go with them.
I'm staying with you.
It's too dangerous, Debbie.
I'm not leaving you.
This is no time to argue.
There they are!
The big guy had me by my neck.
He was pushing me up and down like this.
The other guy has a knife.
Shit!
Jack, wait for me here.
I don't believe it.
I love you.
I love you too, Jack, but this
is not the time or the place.
No, no, your underwear.
You love my underwear?
Let's go.
It's you!
You're the one I saw
this morning on the street,
but your hair is different.
Couldn't be any more
different than it is now.
I can't believe I fell in love
with you twice in the same day.
What are the odds on that?
What are the odds on,
uh, getting off this roof?
After you.
Jack?
Okay, kiddies, give me the rock.
No way.
Come on. I'll give you 50 bucks for it.
Blow it out your ass.
Ah. Listen.
Two kinds of people
in the world, all right?
Smart ones and dead ones.
What are you?
Gee, boss, they should
have taken the 50 bucks.
Go get him!
Hey, boss, this is fun!
I'm okay, boss. I'm okay.
Go for it, girl.
Jump!
That appears to be safe.
All right.
We did it, Debbie. We lost him.
You really fell in love
with me this morning?
From the minute I saw you.
But I look so regular then.
I thought you were special.
Very special.
Really?
I've been in love with you for over...
12 hours now.
Gee.
That's practically a lifetime.
Oh, shit.
We got him, boss.
We got him.
Good. Good.
Where are they?
Right behind you.
Good. Just, uh, hold him still.
Hold him still.
Now, uh, kid.
Give me the, uh...
The diamond.
Right. Give me the diamond.
If you want a big face,
you're gonna have to take it.
Look, um,
either give me the ice,
or we'll make her face look like her hair.
What's that supposed to mean, greaseball?
Shut up, wirehead.
What do you say, kid?
You don't leave me much choice.
Don't give it to him,
Jack. He's an asshole.
Diamonds are supposed
to be a girl's best friend.
You almost qualify.
They're getting away, boss!
They're getting away!
Who gives a shit?
We got the diamond.
Jack, I brought the police.
You Jack Fleming?
Yeah. Boy, am I glad to see you guys.
You're under arrest.
Okay, Fleming. You're next.
I'm sorry, Jack. This is all my fault.
I shouldn't have gone to the
police. I tried to explain to them.
Don't worry about it, David.
They don't have a thing on me.
But they found your
fingerprints on some case.
Jesus Christ.
I was from this morning.
Morning!
Wait! Listen, I have an idea.
Now, whatever you do, don't
let them leave until I get back.
What do you want me to do?
Stall them, ramble on, tell
them your life story, anything.
What are you gonna do?
Deliver the diamond
and the guys who stole it.
Men of action, remember?
Women of action, too.
Now.
Alright, I'll talk.
You will?
Yes.
Yes, I can't stand it anymore.
The constant badgering,
the endless accusations.
I'll tell you whatever
you want to know, just...
Just let me rest!
You just got here.
We got it. Look at the
size of this mother...
Hey, you!
You're making my day.
Holy shit!
Who's that?
I don't know. I don't want to find out.
Hi there. Remember me?
You don't mind if I take this, do you?
Hey, wait a minute.
I wouldn't suggest moving.
My buddy back there has a
very big gun, and he likes using it.
So, uh...
Why don't you put your hands up?
Now!
You thought I was just a punk, didn't you?
Someone you could push around.
Well, how does it feel now, tough guys?
I bet you're ready to shit
your pants, aren't you?
Well, I'm gonna be leaving now.
But my friend back there, he's gonna
hang around and keep an eye on you clowns.
At least till the cops come.
Hey, what are you doing?
Are you crazy?
You want to die?
It's your funeral.
Oh, shit.
Where is he?
I can't see him.
He's gotta be around here somewhere.
Well, find him then.
Split up.
Hey, you big dummy!
I got you now, you little fat...
Yeah, that's it. I was desperate, see?
I figured you cops were gonna
nail me for that payroll job,
so I needed some quick dough to blow town.
Payroll job?
Say, you can't pin out on me, copper.
I had nothing to do with
that. It was Lefty's mob.
Lefty? Lefty who?
All right, all right, so I was there,
but they forced me to go along.
They threatened to tell
Moose about that 50 grand.
I don't understand. Moose?
Don't you see? There
was nothing else I could do.
Moose is crazy. He'd have killed me.
What the hell does this
have to do with the diamond?
You'll see.
Hey, Butch!
Hi, girls.
Hi, sweetheart.
Bullseye.
Whoa.
Hiya, baby, what's your sign?
Hustle.
Hey, sweetheart, be nice.
I just wanna be friendly.
That's more like it.
What'd you do with the diamond, kid?
And don't give me any
more of that moose shit.
I want the truth.
All right, Lieutenant.
For the truth, I'll tell you what
happened to the diamond.
Good.
Now we're getting someplace.
The fat man took it aboard the
steamer, Ori and Princess, two hours ago.
It's now on its way to Hong Kong.
Hey.
Come on, kid.
Be smart.
Quit screwing around.
Give me that.
Want it, slime bag?
You're going to have to come and get it.
Slime bag?
I'll show you who's a slime bag.
Hey!
I got it.
I got the ice.
Hey.
This ice.
It's ice.
You little bastard.
Hey.
Get me down out of here.
This is a risk to my health.
Bye bye, slime bag.
I got to get that ice.
When you're alone.
12 o'clock and you're feeling down
What am I supposed to do?
It's a shame we don't feel the same
You say you wanna keep it simple
And then it's true
Did you find him, boss?
Does it look like I found him?
The bastards are in this park somewhere,
and we're gonna find them if we
have to tear every building apart.
Have you looked on the midway?
No, I haven't looked on the midway.
I've been up in a goddamn
hot-air balloon for the last...
Who said that?
I did.
Ah! Get that bastard!
Think of loving him
Who's the one that forces us
Stop fooling around
All right, let's have a
big round of applause!
Oh, look at that girl!
Yeah!
And now, come on, cheer it!
All right!
Now, Debbie.
All right, our next contestant.
A dance team from all
the way from Long Beach.
Let's hear it for The Breakers.
What an entrance. Did you see that, kids?
Did you see that, kids?
How did he left you know that
the fat man was working for the elk?
Not the elk, the moose.
Yeah, yeah, a moose.
Well, you see...
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Yes?
I've had it. That's it. No more stories.
They're going downtown.
We're going to sort
this out at Juvenile Hall.
Oh, yeah!
I believe you're looking for this?
Where'd you get this?
From them.
How you doing?
Uuuuugh!
You were wonderful.
Oh, that's just the way
we men of action are.
Cool under pressure.
Ready for any challenge.
What was that for?
For saving my ass.
That's the best part.
And the rest ain't so bad either.
Well then, where are you going?
To get a drink of water.
All this ass saving is making me thirsty.
Hey, David.
What's wrong with you?
I think I'm in love, Jack.
It's the most amazing feeling.
I mean, it's really amazing.
I hope it never goes away.
Look where they've gone.
What do you think? Should we?
Nah.
Hey!
That was quite a performance there, Jack.
You had me fooled for about a minute.
I'm just glad David
showed up with the thugs.
I'm just glad David showed
up with the diamond.
Now I can give the goddamn thing away.
All right, this is the one
you've been waiting for.
The lucky winner of the
Diamond Jubilee Diamond
is ticket number 263-9058.
263-9058.
One more time, that's 263-9058.
Hey, boss, look at this.
Don't bother me. I'm thinking.
But boss, it says...
I don't care what it says.
On the creeper zone, I got my hick-ass back
I ain't gonna look like any other hack
I'm picking up my baby in the daddy's car
And all the time I pray to my lucky star
I say don't let me find her old
boyfriend or rent her a house
Cos she's 6'3", he weighs 200 pounds
She's a high school champion
and I think she's a mccow
That's my girl, that's my girl
She's the only one for
me in the whole wide world
That's my girl, that's my girl
Well, she's the only one for me
Well, tonight's the night, I
know it's gonna be all right
Dancing with my baby
and her eyes are bright
Rocking and rolling down her maxi's bar
And all the time I pray to my lucky star
I say please, please, please
make your daddy go to bed
Before we get home
I wanna hold her tight, I wanna be alone
But he don't understand,
he's got a heart on store
That's my girl, that's my girl
She's the only one for
me in the whole wide world
That's my girl, that's my girl
We started dancing and
love put us into a groove
And then we started to groove
It's been a good summer, kids
But don't worry
We're gonna have a better one next year
And the year after that
Well, I finally made it on the sky ride
Isn't it great up here?
Yeah, but do you have any ideas
on how we're gonna get down?
David and Andrew are
probably looking for us right now
Maybe they have the same idea we do
I don't think so
You don't know David like I do, trust me
But now he's with somebody new
He tried pretending our dance
was just a dance, but I see
He's dancing his way back to me
Yes, he discovered we are truly lovers
Magic from the very start
Cos love just can't be proven
And it's got me moving
Even though we dance the part
So we started dancing and
that put us into the groove
As soon as we started to move
Magic