Breathing Happy (2022) Movie Script
1
(cards shuffling)
(cards flipping)
(background music swelling)
(ominous music plays)
(cards slapping)
(violins swelling)
(cards shuffling)
(music crescendos)
(sad piano plays in background)
(gulping)
(sighs)
(breathing heavily)
(background music builds)
(growling)
(music fades out)
- [Mom] Everything's gonna be
all right, I promise.
(groaning and panting)
Just breathe, there ya go.
- [Mom] Everything's
gonna be all right.
- Thank you Mom and dad.
Did you hear that? Mom and--
(tape rewinding)
(tape scratching)
- So, it's Christmas Eve,
couple hours away from
being one year sober.
And it's also gonna be
my first Christmas...
Without, um...
Yeah, fuck it.
(loud bell rings)
(crashing sound)
(panting)
(engine whirring)
(radio plays)
- SURPRISE!
- Congratulations.
- Congratulations to you.
No more drugs no more booze
(laughing)
- We had to do something
before you skip town,
- So this is, congratulations,
good luck, and
Christmas, all in one!
(laughing softly)
(dark music humming)
- Hello?
- Come on, say something.
- [Tristan] Speech, speech!
- [Tristan] Who works at an ice
rink in Florida?!
- Psychopaths.
- meth-heads
- Yeah, drug addicts.
- [Lotus] Everything is
going to be all right.
Breathe.
You are in control of
your breath and your life.
Remember you are exactly
where you need to be.
Allow all of the thoughts
and burdens of the world
to be free from your mind.
Remember.
(hockey stick slapping)
- [Lotus] Even if your thoughts
wander that's okay too.
(fist pounding on door)
- [Lotus] Just focus
on your breath.
In.
(wailing)
(exhales)
And out.
In.
And out.
(slowly) Keep breathing
slowly like this.
Fully empty your lungs
with each breath.
You are in control-
(hockey air horn blares)
(sirens wailing)
(hockey air horn gets louder)
(sounds stop abruptly)
(water pouring)
(glass clinks)
- Hey, Angel, Angel, Angel.
Come here.
Come here.
(cicadas)
Babies, babies, babies.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi, come here.
Come here.
Come on.
Come on.
(door sliding)
(faucet water dripping)
(gargling)
(lonely music)
(water running)
- Okay. You ready?
Here we go.
Okay, wanna get a treat?
(baby voice) That's a girl.
Oh, that's delicious, thank you.
Well, it's Christmas Eve,
couple hours away from
being one year sober.
And it's also gonna be
my first Christmas...
Without, um...
Yeah, fuck it.
You wanna go watch a show
about lions and shit?
- [TV Narrator] It's been days
since the lions have found water
and time,
is running-
- [Elf #1] Aww Jingle bells
- I guess I'll be alone this
Christmas...
- [Elf #2] No you won't!
We can spend it together.
Christmas can be saved!
- [Unison] Yay!
- You don't even give a shit.
- [Mike Flanagan] Looks like
they WON'T be home alone
this Christmas.
- [TV Dad] Kids. I'm home.
- [Kids] Daddy!
- [M Flanman] Fly with
Speed Fast Airlines
and go higher than ever before.
- Let me see this girl.
(lonely music)
- Ready to go to bed?
- [Voicemail] Hey, you've
reached Briana, leave a message
and I'll get right
back to you, ciao!
- Hey it's Dylan, I
just wanted to call
and say Merry Christmas.
I'm at one year sober today
and uh...
well, I don't know.
Technically I didn't,
I'm not gonna get it for like
another hour and 40 minutes,
but even I can't
fuck that up. Right?
I miss you guys.
Merry Christmas.
- [Voicemail] You
have no new messages.
To listen to your old messages
from people that you have
pushed away, please press-
(beep)
Hi baby boy it's mom.
Just calling to see how your
day is going. Love you.
- I miss you, man.
I've been meaning to reach out.
I want to hear what's
going on with you-
- Hey it's Tristan,
dude, I just saw your story and
- and you made and extra tray
of "fuck it" nachos--
- Dude pick up the
fucking phone for once-
- There's not enough time
to profess all my love -
(voicemails and
beeps blend together)
- Hello?
Are you coming over
for dinner or not?
(voicemails and
beeps get louder)
(impossible to hear one
voice over another )
(thudding gets
louder and faster)
- [Briana's Voicemail]
Dylan? Seriously?
- If you don't call me back I'm
calling the cops -
- to do a wellness check on
your ass -
(someone arguing angrily
mixed with thuds)
(sounds fade out except
for telephone beep)
(cicadas buzzing)
(house creaks)
(weird noises)
(door opening)
(house alarm goes off)
(phone alarm)
- Angel?
Angel?
Angel!
(house alarm continues)
What the-
What the fuck?
Angel?
(house alarm turns off)
(smoke alarm)
(otherworldly music)
(house alarm goes off again)
Hey, Hey!
Fucking' try me asshole!
Hey, the fucking cops
are on their way!
You piece of shit-
(house alarm turns off)
Angel, where'd you go?
Angel?
Where'd you go?
(tense music)
(phone ringing)
(loud crash)
(house alarm blares!)
(crashing)
- What the fuck?
(calm Christmas music)
- Mm, that's fucking delicious
Ah.
Oh, that is good.
I know my way
around the kitchen.
- Agh!
- Ho Ho Ho!
- Ho Ho Ho.
Merry Christmas.
- Marshall?
- Weird, huh?
- What is this?
- I'm here to
celebrate with you.
You did it. You made
it a year, buddy.
If there was ever a time to
spike the eggnog, this is it.
- No it's- I am not
your buddy and I'm not-
- I'm here because I care!
I don't see anybody
else celebrating.
You don't care
you're my dealer -
- I'm your ex dealer.
And we were pretty good
friends for a while too.
All that's in the past.
I'm here today as like
your shamanic therapist
that wants to guide
you on a journey
of realization because you've
been going through a lot.
- No, I'm, I'm getting
outta here, how.
- [Scary Voices] Dylan, dylan!
- You're denying help right now.
And that's textbook
addict behavior.
(voices echoing)
Dylan, you're sick.
You're sad.
And you need help.
Let me help you.
Why don't we just
dip our toes in.
Fire up a backwoods.
Middle school shit.
(cackling)
I'm not-
I'm not touching anything
that you give me.
- Well we're going to need
something to take the edge off
because we have a
Herculean amount
of duct tape to peel
off therapy-wise.
One death
is a lot
an entire family?
That's some Holocaust shit.
And I don't say that lightly,
I know you're not supposed
to joke about the Holocaust
because it didn't happen.
But I stand by my metaphor.
Because what you've
been going through
has to be unfathomable,
recovering pill-head or not.
(loud knocking)
Good news is you got the same
backstory as the Punisher
and he's my all time favorite
comic book character.
I mean there is
nothing more badass
than losing your entire family
and continuing to
fight the good fight.
Okay, I'm picking up vibes
like you don't want
to be here right now.
I get it.
There's a key.
Anytime you want, you
just let yourself back in.
(echoing) I'm always
here for buddy.
You know that.
But but but-
Wait wait wait-
before I forget...
your Christmas present!
we got two goodie bags
for you to choose from.
In this hand, we got
The Great Green
Glorious Goodie Bag of Glee.
It's full of herbal tea and
mint flavored dental floss.
You choose this bag, you can
wake up Christmas morning
like none of this ever happened
and you can continue
being a Sober Sally.
You know what we
have in this hand?
In this hand,
we have the Rip Roaring' Red Bag
of Rooby Dooby-Doo
Snackie Poos and-
wait, wait, what, what
did I put in here again?
some Oxy Cottontail,
icy shards of crystal meth
in case you want to stay up
way up past your bedtime.
(echoing) Some Xanax
in case you need
to hop a flight to Zanzibar,
smooth things out
for a little while.
And I got some super
special mushroom chocolate
the psilocybin is
powderized, extracted,
blended with reishi
and cordyceps,
this is special designer shit-
This is the Tesla
of psychedelics.
You choose this bag,
You'll be riding the short
bus to hallucination station!
Woo-woo!
- This is not cool.
- Yeah, no, I know.
Just pick a color
red, or green-
All right let's cut
the bullshit here,
I've been talking a
lot. I tend to do that.
What do you want?
What do you want?
- I wanna stay clean, but
it is a fucking struggle.
And you show up here-
- All right, well
maybe move outta' your
dead family's vacation house
ya weirdo, you already
trashed one house.
- You know what give
me this fucking bag.
(laughing) Oh man.
I didn't think you'd
actually fall for that.
They're both drug. It's always
the same result with you,
no matter your intentions.
You know that.
You have a disease.
You're like a kid
with bone cancer,
except nobody wants
to make your wish.
(distorted) Was that mean of me?
Making you think
you had a choice?
- People think freedom
is like freedom to
do whatever you want.
When in fact freedom
is, you know,
choosing not to harm
yourself or others.
- Did you learn that when
you became my sponsor
or are you just listening
to Russell Brand's
Instagram too much?
- It's a little bit of both.
Fuck.
(video game noises)
Can you re-spawn me?
- Can I re-spawn you? No,
you have re-spawn yourself
and I...
- Oh!
- Hi.
Is that for me?
- Oh yeah, sure.
- I love these things.
- Well this is new.
- Yeah, it's an RPG.
- Is it any good?
- No.
Same old shit.
Predictable.
- Hey, have you seen Angel?
- Dude, don't do that.
You've already been
through enough, okay?
You don't deserve that.
Fuck!
I had to tell you somethi-
- Ah! (laughing)
The door wants to talk to you.
- Huh?
- The weird-ass door that
popped outta' nowhere?
it fuckin' wants to talk to you.
- Wait what?
THE DOOR!
The door, the weird-ass
door that popped-
(booming laughter)
- It's I, THE GOLDEN DOOR!
- Oh, dang.
- Wait, wait, hey.
Am I in trouble?
- Fuck
Fuck
Fuuuck.
- What do you mean fuck?
- I dunno. I, I don't know.
- You don't know?
(loud rap music from room)
- You've been good, right?
Yeah I've been good
I haven't done anything
for a year so like-
- (laughing) I'm so
glad I'm not you.
No, you should be fine.
You should be fine,
you should be fine.
Motherfucker!
Ah!
I hate this shit,
I hate this shit.
Motherfucker.
It's not fair!
Every time I try to do this
shit it does the same old thing.
I have to shit.
(eerie music)
Hey... HEY!
Don't do it champ.
Is that smart?
Have you thought this through?
Should I not, open... you?
- No, you definitely should.
Not open me.
I just need to, before
you reach the handle.
Okay. Yes.
Open me. I will walk...
I will walk you
through what to do
so that you can walk through
you with it, through
me, you and me
we will walk through this
together. I'll walk you through-
- (no) Mmm, mmm!
- Sorry, do I, do
I not open you?
Do I open you?
What do I do?
- Okey dokey champ, let's
try this one more time.
This is gonna be simple.
You just gotta listen
to instructions
and just stand there
and sit down.
- What?
- SIT DOWN!!!!
(eerie Christmas music)
Ho ho ho!
Merry Christmas, Dylan.
I am Santa Door!
I love Christmas.
Don't you?
(music stops)
(tape hiss)
(soft chimes)
- [Dad] What do I press?
(laughing)
- like the dumb leading
the blind here...
- Dylan, get in here!
- Dylan!
- [Young Dylan] What?
- What do mean, what?
Come here!
- [Young Dylan] I'm
playing my game.
- You know today is?
- Mm, no.
Should I?
- Today is your day.
- Oh-kay...
- Come on, open it.
- All right.
- You gonna say anything?
- I, I've done this.
I've heard this before.
- Not from us.
- I'm gonna be adopted?!
(video fastforwards)
- Okay, this is our first
official family video.
- Yeah!
- So don't blow it.
Okay, here we go.
- Let's hope he doesn't
regret this, okay?
- You probably will.
- [Dad] All right everybody-
- [Dad] Briana, let go of
one of those amazing farts
that you know, you're known for.
Come on now!
- Dad, nice hat!
- This is an untraditional
Christmas family, so-
- Hey dad?
Dad.
- Yeah?
- Do we keep lighting
this candle thing
or is that done now?
- [Dad] That's a
menorah and that one,
we actually don't light.
We pour oil into the middle
one, but we're past that now.
- Oh, okay.
- [Dad] Yeah. Good
job though, good job.
- Thanks.
- [Dad] How's it going?
I keep meaning to ask like,
why do you guys celebrate
every holiday, but aren't-
- Shh, Shh!
If you shut up.
You get more presents.
- You know what you're-
- [Dad] Yeah, you'll
figure it out.
- [Dad] Mom's been
sipping the egg nog.
- [Mom] Don't tell them that!
(everyone laughing)
Can I have a sip?
(tape clicks)
- What you watching?
- I was watching
my adoption tape,
but now I've just been watching
like 10 minutes of us asleep
on Christmas as
kids. You wanna see?
- Yeah.
Little nuggets.
(sink running)
You know, back before
everybody had a camera
in their pocket,
Dad was the one
documenting everything.
He would've loved today's
social media shit show.
- Isn't it so funny how like,
this has huge sentimental value.
But now that we take
photos and videos
like 20, 30 times a day,
it's like, who cares?
- You know, that was your
dad's favorite video.
- Wait, this one us sleeping?
- Mhmm, he used to say
there was nothing better
than seeing you all to sleep
warm blankets, full belly.
Safe.
He would say that that's
some Mr. Rogers shit.
Oh, you know, you know that
I'm faking being asleep here?
- Mm, you faking it?
- Yeah. I'm faking it.
Okay, so like I'm laying there,
my mind's going berserk
because my mind's
always going berserk.
And you know, every Christmas
before this was awful.
I mean, you know, but
this one was peaceful.
This was my first
peaceful Christmas ever.
Thank you for that by the way.
And I, you know, out
the corner of my eye
I see dad's cleaning, he's
cleaning everything. Right?
Like the food, the
wrapping paper, the dishes,
the whole mountain of
dishes. And he's happy.
Like he's humming, right?
Like he's singing
while cleaning.
And I had this impulse to
help him, and I don't know,
I just didn't.
I don't know why.
I regret it, actually.
It makes me sad.
- That's a silly thing
to feel sad about.
Your dad loves
cleaning, you know that.
I know he loved
cleaning, but like,
I could've helped the
guy, you know what I mean?
- Aw.
- You will always be
that little kid to me.
No matter how big you get,
you will always be this big.
- The beard isn't
throwing you off at all?
- Nope, you were a cute kid.
- You know what sucks right now?
I'm realizing that I, I
don't know grandma's name.
- You know your
grandmother's name.
- I know, I know it.
Like I know it's in my brain
somewhere, but I don't,
I mean, like tell me
a story about her.
I want to know.
- Ah it's...
It's impossible.
It's like, the of smell popcorn.
How do you describe that to
somebody who's never had it?
- Okay, well that's
a great example
because if grandma was anything
like popcorn, then she
must have been a badass.
- Oh popcorn is badass?
Yeah, of course
popcorn's badass.
- Okay.
She was my best friend.
My very best friend.
When she died, my life ended.
Felt like it anyway.
- Oh wait, was her name Beady?
- Her name was Dolores.
- Ah, yes.
We called her Beady because
she had beady little eyes.
Grandpa's nickname for her.
Ah, Nope.
Too painful.
Just like how you can't...
NONE of us can talk about
your father without crumbling.
- Oh that is fair as shit.
- Ugh.
- Yuh.
Why does dying have to
be such a sad thing?
Like why can't it
be a happy thing?
Like when I die, I
hope people party, man.
I want people to tell
stories about me,
like how cool I was and...
Come on, just tell me one thing,
like one unique
thing about grandma.
I don't know anything
about grandma.
Like did she smoke?
Did she have her ears pierced?
Okay Okay Okay.
- [Briana] Oh, look what I find?
- Drunk and drugged
out of his mind per usual.
Hey big bro.
This is going straight to
your probation officer.
Look at your fucking eyes.
- Hey, good, you're
all dead to me anyways.
- Oh, we're dead to you?
- I sat him outside, do you
want me to go talk to him,
do you want both of
us to go talk to him?
What do you wanna do?
- Can you just, you
handle him first.
- Let me make some tea
to calm the fuck down.
- I'm going to kill him.
- Are we gonna have another
Christmas with the cops or-
- Shut up Lilly.
- I don't think that
is helpful right now-
- Your brother is
killing himself.
- I'm gonna go outside now.
- Okay but I was
seriously joking.
Oh my God, you need to relax
You do this every fucking time.
- Thanks.
- I'm gonna be very calm.
I'm CHOOSING to be calm.
The first words
out of your mouth
are gonna be what
drugs you took today.
- What?
I didn't fucking take anything,
so I don't know what you want.
- Try again.
- I smoked some spice
a couple hours ago.
- Try again.
- I smoked some spice,
like two hours ago.
It's legal for Christ's sake.
- Spice wears off
in like 20 minutes.
- I took an Advil PM.
I, I was gonna
take a nap earlier.
So I took like one
or two Advil PMs.
- Cool, so you're
only two lies in.
You haven't deflected
like crazy yet.
So whose fault is
it this time, Huh?
Who are you gonna
blame this time, Huh?
- It's okay.
What did we say about Christmas?
Hmm?
We said that if you brought
drugs into this house
or if you were high
around the kids,
then no questions asked,
we were calling the police.
Did we not have a huge
agreement on that?
- [Dylan] I fucked up.
I'm really sorry.
I broke off a baby
piece of Xanax.
- Okay.
Where did you get Xanax?
- Lilly gave it to me.
- Lilly, Lilly gave you Xanax.
Why the fuck would
Lilly give you Xanax?
Lilly loves Xanax.
If she had Xanax,
she'd be fucking high
on Xanax right now.
- Whatever.
I don't give a fuck
anymore, all right?
Nobody gets it.
- Especially you,
everyone just yells.
- Stop. Okay.
Fucking stop.
I understand, okay?
You smell like shit,
you look like shit.
Are you listening?
Hey, listen to me.
We said no drugs.
You said yes, drugs.
So now you can't be here.
God, you sometimes
I think you forget
that I have been
exactly where you are.
- Look, I'm not even invited
Christmas Eve for my family
but it's okay because
once I'm gone-
- You don't get it.
- Everyone can shut-
- You don't get it,
you don't get it!
You're not invited-
Shut the fuck up, okay?
You are not invited
where children are.
Do you understand that?
Because you've proven time and-
- time and time again.
You're just gonna get fucked
up and ruin the holiday.
Like right now you're
getting fucked up
and ruining the holiday.
- Oh like you're one to talk.
It was a moment of weakness.
But everybody just yells at me.
I know what I need,
I need a positive support system
and your pigtails are bullshit.
You don't even know
how to fucking tie
little loop-de-doops.
- I happen to think--
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- You laughed, I'm off the hook.
Fuck you.
- You fucking suck dude.
- Knock knock.
- interrupting Turtle.
- Why did the chicken cross the-
- No, knock knock.
- Who's there?
- Interrupting turtle.
- I just wanna-
- You have to say
interrupting turtle who.
- Interrupting turtle who?
Oh my God, what are you doing?
Nope.
- Gotcha.
- Okay, cool.
(Christmas Phone Alarm)
It's officially midnight.
Merry Christmas.
- Yeah, let me,
let me put 500
pounds on your chest
and push it on you
and yell at you
instead of giving you a spot
and you'll know has
this fucking feels.
- No, Dylan,
Dylan you've had
nothing but help.
- You've had nothing but help.
The rehab people say that
if we keep babying you,
we bury you, right?
Isn't that what they say?
- Yeah.
- If I let you back into
that house, you don't learn.
This may very well have been
your fix it or fuck it moment.
This was your chance to prove
that you could be a part
of this family again.
And YOU decided to say fuck it.
Not me, YOU chose this shit.
And now I have to sound like
a fucking broken record player
because we keep having
the same conversation
over and over again, and...
Is he asleep right now?
Are you fucking
sleeping right now?
- There's no point in us
doing this right now, okay?
- I hope you're ODing right now.
Do us all a favor, you
fucking embarrassment.
- Hey! That's not gonna happen.
- Wake up!
Wake up!
- Briana!
- Wake up, wake up, wake up!
(Camera clicks)
- Well.
Crap.
- I know you're high right now.
- Oh Christ mom, come on-
- Don't.
Why can't you stop?
(emotional music)
(whispering) Okay.
Okay.
- Mom?
Am I in trouble, or...?
- Give.
Unplug it.
When you are one year sober.
When you are present,
pun intended,
you're gonna open this and
we will watch it together.
And I will tell you stories
about my mom and dad.
And not make it a sad thing.
Deal?
(kettle whistling)
(echo) Try again.
(dreamlike music)
(music stops)
(high pitched whining)
- (echoing) Try again.
Try again.
- Let's try this one more time.
I'm a talking door, all right?
Alright? I'm a flipping' talking
door and I just materialized
in the middle of
your living room.
So you tell me... Does that
sound like safety or danger?
Are you in safety
or danger Dylan?
- I've got a knife.
- Oh yeah, it's gonna
be a lot harder for me,
a magic door, to bend
time and tie you up
with Christmas lights now
that you have a knife.
Look, I can't promise anything,
but I CAN promise you something
I will never hurt you.
Ugly Jesus.
- All right, well
now I'm nervous
so I'm bringing the knife.
Yeah kiddo you would be
stupid not to bring a knife.
Come on bruiser, you got this
you big old burger, come on.
Agh! You dirty dog,
that's my PEE PEE!
- Open up. Come on.
- No, you need the key code.
- Open up, come on.
- No, you need a key code.
- Key, what?
- A key code.
- The drug guy, he told you
about the key code, right?
- There's a key.
- You know that. Cool.
- Honestly, I wish somebody was
helping me with all of this-
(high-pitched voice
yelling frantically)
- It's kind difficult all alone
getting the basics across...
Agh my fucking alarm
didn't go off... Am I late?!
Do you need me now?
Cuz this is where I come in,
right? To help?
The Mystery Door!
- Hey.
- I'm here! I got here!
- Hey, good morning.
- Oh okay now, am I needed now?
- No, I'm good, I got it, I
got it over here, thank you.
- You need me say, you need me.
I'm just telling this dude -
- I'm here to help.
- Didn't your dude obviously
hold out a key for him to unlock
- Oh look at me, I'm
ready, I'm ready!
- No, that door
opened on its own.
- Ah, come on, you narc.
- Oh yeah, dude, it was nuts.
I woke up, the whole
house is shaking to shit.
There's an earthquake, like
the lights are going crazy.
All these fucking
doors were open.
Okay dude, between you and me?
I want one hundred
percent thought
I was getting
abducted by aliens.
- There are no
earthquakes in Florida.
There are no fault
lines in Florida.
I know that Florida
doesn't have earthquakes.
I'm just saying that
like everything was-
- There was an earthquake
in 1792 at 12:58 PM, so...
- Hm, 1792. She's right, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah yeah!
- Hey big guy, if
we're gonna do this,
you just gotta be
straight with me.
It makes you look
bad when you lie
and when you look
bad I look bad.
- This is what happened.
- Maybe we should just huddle up
- I'm just saying.
All right... I don't...
- Alright my boy, you used a key
code to get through her --
- I backed into the door
and it opened on its own.
I don't know what... do
you wanna chime in here?
- My bad?
- See? See what
I'm dealing with.
- Hey, Mystery Door.
You forget to lock yourself up?
You did, didn't you?
Yeah... My bad.
- So where we're
at is that you let
low budget Bradley Cooper open
a magic door without a key-
- Hey, are you talking shit
about me over there?
- Which makes him now believe
that he doesn't need a key code-
- 'Feck off I did it half right.
- And I want to express to you
that that makes me feel upset.
- I'm feeling upset because-
- I said my bad.
- I was spending a long time -
- Look Goldie, I said my bad.
- I'm kind of high,
so my order of operations is
all wonkly doodles, you know?
- Kind of high?
- Oh 'feck off, I
did a half right!
I thought the magic door
was gonna open like magic.
You know like how magic works?
Or I don't know, do I
need to say Open Sesame?
- Do I look like a lamp to
you? I'm a fecking door.
Plus my guy got him to take a
baggie and made a huge point
to like give him a key.
- [Marshall] If it helps, yeah,
I gave him a key, but I didn't
make a huge thing about it.
- Wait hold on, you...
You gave me a key, but
you don't have a handle.
What's the point
of giving me a key
if you don't have a handle?
- Why am I not surprised, forgot
to give yourself a handle?
- Feck off, ya know?!
- And hey I did not
take anything all
right, I got tricked.
- (mockingly) Officer, bro.
I swear I got tricked man.
[Lotus] - Perhaps I can help.
Deflecting is not
the path Dylan.
Own up to this.
There's a process to this.
- There is a process.
- I bet you think you
can please your old lady
without foreplay too?
- That is a very good
point, Mystery door.
Foreplay is important.
- You're right,
foreplay is important.
- [Marshall] Foreplay
is important, bro.
- It's about the journey,
not the destination.
I'm sorry I was yelling earlier.
- Making love is like
making a grilled cheese.
Give it time to breathe.
- [Marshall] It's
salty, it's gooey.
It's usually accomplished
in three to five minutes.
- Hey, Hey guys, let's
just get him back on track.
Dylan. DYLAN...
Did you,
or did you not take...
... the druggies?
- He presented me
with two bags, okay?
- Did you or did you not
take a bag of something
from a drug dealer yes or no?
- Yes, but-.
- See I told ya!
- No... not my Dylan...
(everyone talking
over each other)
- Look at that shite bucket!
Hey! We got this guys
(SINGING) He took the druggies!
- So you failed that test.
- Just gotta get that key code.
- You CAN do this.
Christmas CAN be saved.
- We got this, right guys?
Woo!
- So what, now I gotta
go scour my whole house
for a key code combo just to
open some bullshit door?
- I'm a, I'm a bull crap door?
I'm a bullshit door,
that's what you call me?
- I think what the golden
door is trying to say-
- No, I'm gonna curse now.
If he's gonna curse at me,
I'm just gonna
say it right back.
- Hey, Hey, I'm
just as important-
- Important, oh,
you're important?
- I'm just as important as
this dude's quest for sobriety.
- You are in control...
- Breathe.
Well done.
- You suck!
You fucked this whole thing up!
- You're the door that
led to drugs asshole.
You started this wrong.
No handle.
- Breathe.
- Don't need to spend
my whole fucking Christmas-
(everyone yelling
loudly over each other)
- Okay let's all talk
at the same time.
Who can be louder?
Who can be louder?
I'm loud. Look, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
- Hey. Knock knock...
- Fuck you.
- No, fuck YOU!
- Fuck you Golden Door!
and fuck you Dylan!
You know I was gonna help
but you know what?
I don't need to
hear another story
about a straight white dude
feeling bullshit remorse
for his own
self-destructive ass!
Boo, hoo!
Just, watch all the
empathy I have for you.
Look at my face, see
how empathetic I am?
Now I'm gonna have
grilled cheese,
dirty sex with your dead
fucking dad, you punk-ass bitch.
- Hey!
What the fuck did
you just say to me?
Hey, open up and say that
to my face motherfucker!
Oh now you're gonna ignore me?
- [Marshall] For the record,
I'm not ignoring you.
I just don't want
to get involved.
This is between
you and the door.
- Right, you know
what? That's not fair.
That's not fair!
Oh!
- Mother fuck!
- [Marshall] Okay,
that wasn't me.
That was the door, I swear.
I'm a little scared of you.
- [Dylan] Hey!
Hey, your buddy just tried
to break fucking my nose.
Oh great, now you're
gonna ignore me too.
(crashing)
- You're doing drugs in
dad's house?!
I hate you!
We all hate you!
- Another one.
Got a bunch of
alive dudes today.
(mix of sounds rushing)
- [Dylan] It's a bear!
- Yogi! Yogi! Yogi!
- (singing) When the night-
(explosion)
(loud party)
- [Dylan] These ones are pretty.
[Lilly] I saved his life
once again.
- Saved my life.
(harsh digital sounds)
- [Dylan] Had a whoopsy-doodles.
- A major whoopsy-doodles.
- Today my
court-appointed therapist
suggested that I talk
to an empty chair.
That I could put my dead dad
or anyone from my
past or present
just write in an empty chair
and I can hash
things out that way.
Look, the second that I start
talking to inanimate objects
- [Dylan] Oh, that's blood.
I'll take that please.
(nurse talking)
(vibrating sound overwhelms)
(choking)
(inhaling raggedly)
- What the hell was that about?
Huh?
(laughing behind door)
(mysterious music)
- [Marshall] Doctor told me
I can't eat nuts anymore.
Because I got
diverticulitis in my rectum.
- Yeah, nope you
gotta' stay away.
- It's just smooth peanut
butter from here on out.
- Yeah you gotta' stay
away from the bad stuff.
- All right, I'm
going, I'm going.
- If you don't stay
away from the bad stuff
diverticulitis in the rectum...
Angel! (stuttering)
- [Dr. Rose] Angel's had
a really long happy life.
Now, I know that because
doggies don't make it this long
without a lot of love.
She's got a tumor and it's right
at the neck of her bladder.
Here's the thing though,
I'm gonna level with you.
(jumbled) -she does have cancer.
Keep that in mind-
The only way that she's
gonna be able to urinate
right now-
- Hold on.
So she has to have this plastic
thing hanging out of her?
Like a cone for the
rest of her life?
- Effectively, Yes.
So the game plan is that
we're gonna have to keep
that catheter in place,
because it is the only way she's
gonna be able to
pass urine right now.
And it's being kept in
place by this balloon
that resides in her bladder.
If she's able to chew
at that catheter,
that catheter can go up into
her bladder, it can rupture,
and in the end we're not
gonna be doing surgery
in this kind of situation.
That's instant
euthanasia, Dylan.
- Listen to her,
she hates the cone.
I'm not gonna torture my dog
for the last two weeks
of her life, I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna do it.
Is there anything
else I can do for her?
I'll level with ya.
Here's what it is.
If she's with you on the
couch, head in your lap,
go ahead, pop the cone off.
You know give her a good
scratch behind the ears.
Things like that.
The same rule applies though.
I mean you gotta be
watching her really tight.
So that cone's the only thing
that's gonna be stopping
her from getting at it.
Now it's tough
love, I know that.
It's not the greatest-
- it could end up
rupturing her bladder.
We discussed this before, we're
not gonna be doing surgery.
She's got a tumor.
(whirlwind of sounds)
You stupid piece of shit.
- You need to stop.
- You need to be watching her!
- She has CANCER!
(Angel whining)
(voices yelling)
- [Dylan] Angel...
(voices yelling)
(Angel whining)
Just get your fucking
shit together!
(sighing deeply)
- (funny voice) Ah
gaw-ga-gaw-ga-goo!
That's my babies.
Hi.
Hi Angel...
Oh, let's take this off of you.
Oh, get this off of here.
You're having a good day?
Oh, you're having a
good day baby girl?
Oh, how we doing here?
Oh smiling.
That was a good-
Oh, you're doing okay.
You're smiling.
You're doing okay.
(choking sound)
(loud knocking)
(scary music)
(knocking)
- Fucking stop.
- Why can't you stop?
(crash)
- Good, there you are.
I forgot to tell you.
Be sure to hide any
razor blades or guns
you got in the house.
- You know I don't own a gun.
- Oh!
- Here, take mine.
You gotta have a toaster
if you want to make toast.
- I am not suicidal.
Why would I kill myself?
- Dylan, you've been slowly
killing yourself for years.
Do you know what drugs do
to your body over time?
- Yes asshole, that's
why I've been sober --
- Choo choo!
Look I gottta go.
My sugar baby is lactating.
- Get you fucking
hand out of my face!
How do you open the
goddamn golden door?
- Dylan.
If you didn't select
the great green glorious
goodie bag of glee,
the golden door would've
opened up on its own.
I guess you've got
to wait another year.
- I'm calling the cops.
Ooh scary, you're
calling the cops.
Call the cops.
Be sure to tell them that a
golden door teleported here,
Your ex-drug dealer
materialized.
He's felon and he's been
waving a gun around.
Translation bro: The cops
can't do shit for you now.
(electronic music
leaks through door)
Hahaha!!!
(phone dialing)
- What?
- All right, um...
There's a drug dealer in
my house and he has a gun.
He's waving it around,
I'm fucking scared man.
I need you to send
someone right away.
What do you mean
you can't help me?
[Marshall] Ah shit! Shit! Shit!
(phone dialing)
- [Mom Voicemail] Hi,
you've reached Gloria.
Sorry I'm not here now.
- [Mom] I really am Dylan.
I'm sorry I'm not
here now to help you.
You can do this.
You're so strong.
My baby boy, I miss you so much.
- Stop fucking with me!
- Stop!
- (screaming) Stop!
Ah.
Please, I am truly,
genuinely trying my best.
(lock clicking)
Can't you like search my heart?
Can't you like see that I'm not,
I'm not lying to you.
Like I did not touch anything
for a literal calendar year.
Talk to me.
Please?
Please???
(laughter)
(yelling)
(echo) I'm gonna be adopted?
- Like this isn't-
(fragmented voices)
- [Mom] Congratulations!
- Oh, is this that uh...
The, the magic stick.
Can you do it?
The magic stick thing.
I want to see if I can
figure it out sober.
- Okay, hold on.
Let me get the
dirt off my hands.
Okay, so you see how
this has six colors?
It's the same on both sides.
- Yeah.
- Go ahead and pick a
number one through six.
- Three.
- Okay. 1, 2, 3, land on orange.
Is that fair? You just
go phew, there you go.
Now it's orange.
- He's a genius!
- How does he do it?
Do you know how he does it?
I don't get it.
- Dude, our dad taught that
to us when we were five.
It's a trick for kids.
[Dad] Tenth fricking time I've
fixed the fridge in a month.
(whining)
- Stop flossing,
everywhere you go.
It's disgusting, you fling
food shit everywhere.
- I'm not gonna apologize
for having perfect teeth.
- You, you can have
amazing teeth later.
- Perfect teeth, you
annihilate your insides,
but then you worship your teeth.
You make no sense to me.
(happy music)
- Congratulations!
(fireworks)
- [Trophies] Surprise,
surprise, surprise!
- What!
Guys?
I haven't seen you in forever.
- Tell us the story.
We want to hear the story.
Oh come on, of course I'll do it
Yeah! Woo! Go Dylan!
Ladies and gentlemen, fifteen
seconds left of the game.
We are down by one. Goalie
pulled. Center ice face off.
Ref drops the puck.
Your's truly wins the face off.
- Obviously.
I find an open patch of ice.
- Yeah, of course.
- He gives me the puck,
I dipsy-doodle
around a defender.
- Duh!
Boom! Nothing between me
and the goalie baby.
I got a break away.
Holy cow!
A breakaway?!
- There's only seconds
left in the game?
- The winning goal on his stick?
- I don't understand sports.
- So, this is kind of
one of those moments
- Where time freezes.
- I see my Mom in the stands.
- Woo-hoo!
She's just so proud of me.
And you know, I'm a kid.
- I'm a trophy!
- I got dreams.
So I imagine what it's gonna
be like to win the Stanley cup.
Score that game-winning goal.
You know, the cameras
come rushing onto the ice
families in your face.
We got a happy ending,
ladies and gentlemen.
- Yes! I love happy endings!
- Happy endings are my favorite!
- What happens next?
- You guys know
what happens next.
My head hits the
plexiglass full blast.
I get knocked out cold
once I hit the damn thing,
my neck is the first
thing to hit the ice
and neck snaps in four places.
I mean, he's not getting up.
Things could not possibly
get worse for Dylan.
Things couldn't possibly
get worse for Dylan-
- couldn't possibly get
worse for Dylan could they?
- That's my boy, Dylan!
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, shh.
- Do you guys hear that?
- Oh, oh, I'm sorry!
Is he about to bounce back?
(whistling rally cry)
Ladies and gentlemen!
We have a Rocky Balboa
kick-ass montage
on our hands!
(cheering and yipping)
- He's gonna be bigger,
faster and stronger!
(triumphant music)
(Trophy Battle Cry!)
- [Trophy] Did you do it?
...Did you become a hero?
- No.
I'm sorry everybody.
He missed an entire
year of school.
Bedridden.
Puking from vertigo
through a neck brace.
Whatever friends that he still
had, they all abandoned him
because over the
years he just steals.
He just steals pain pills
from all of their houses.
I mean he didn't even
have the strength
to speak at his
father's funeral.
(chimes clanging)
(clanging speeds up)
- [Young Dylan] Hello, everyone.
Thanks for coming.
I never really met
my biological dad.
I called my adopted dad, "dad".
Since the first day that
they adopted me, and...
(exhales)
I can't do it.
- If you knew my dad,
you knew that he was
a giant kid at heart.
He was a prankster
and to be honest,
I'm kind of half expecting him
to like pop out of his coffin
and go, "gotcha".
He loved Disney movies.
- Hercules was his favorite
because it's a story of a God
forced down from Mount
Olympus to birth as a baby
only to be adopted by humans
and raised as one of their own.
Eventually he
learns of his powers
and the adopted
kid saves the day.
When he got sick,
he would hide these little
notes for us to find.
So when he passed,
we would look at them and
look back and not be sad.
He didn't want remembering to
be always such a sad thing.
He always said good morning
to me when I woke up.
(sobbing)
He always said "Choose good."
- It's so easy to be selfish
and lie, and blah blah blah.
Hercules not only
has killer abs,
but he has a killer heart.
No scratch that he doesn't
have a killer heart.
He has a kind heart.
The point is-
- he spent his whole life
helping us to be brave,
(sobbing)
pushing us to choose good and
step out of our comfort zone.
- I'm not ready to say
goodbye to my dad, I'm not-
- He loved us all equally.
There was no separation
between his biological
and adopted kids.
- I don't feel okay.
My head is-
- Whoa!
- Oh no! We've got him!
- We're not gonna lose you.
- Let's go!
- Dad, he has literal crap -
- It's so bad, oh no.
- Tag!
- Oh no-
- My sister...
- Let go you're gonna break it!
- You're gonna break
it, come on please stop.
- Dylan!!!
- Why did you rip it off
we worked so hard on it.
- Hey what the hell?
- He broke it,
you're an asshole!
- She needs to learn
that he's not coming back
and not everything
is a sign from dad.
- No grandpa told me
that I could just have
five more minutes with dad.
- he said --
- Dylan!
Ah!
- Hey, get off of him!
- Dylan if you
touch my stuff again
I swear I'll break your neck!
He's not even your real dad!
[Young Lilly] He can't breathe!
He's MINE!
[Young Lilly] Briana, calm down!
- You don't get to say anything!
[Young Lilly] He can't breathe!
(Young Dylan choking)
[Young Lilly] He can't breathe!
- [Briana] Is he
asleep right now?
Are you fucking
sleeping right now?
[Briana] I hope you're ODing.
[Young Lilly] He can't breathe!
- [Briana] Do us all a favor
you fucking embarrassment.
- Wake up!
- WAKE UP!!!
- Wake up!
- Wake the fuck up!
(Dylan choking)
- Hey, you want to know
the secret to life?
- Moderation?
- Mm.
Yeah, but no, it's this.
So, see how it's the
same on both sides?
It's a bunch of
different colors.
Pick a number one through six.
- Four.
- Are you sure you
wanna stick with four
or you don't wanna
change your mind?
- Okay, three.
- Oh three, okay.
We're gonna go one, two, three
and we land on
green, is that fair?
- Mm, hmm...
All right, hold your hand out.
Okay, so we're gonna
go one, two, "whoosh".
There you go.
Green on both sides. Magic.
- How did you do that?
- You get a piece of wood,
spray paint it black,
get a bunch of shitty 30 cent
gemstones that you glue to it.
And no matter what
you were gonna do,
I was just gonna force
the color green on you.
So you said four initially, if
you didn't change your mind,
I'd just go one, two,
three, four. Land on green,
but you changed it to three.
I gave you the
illusion of control.
So then I go one, two, three,
and I landed on green.
You could pick any number, five.
I would just go F-I-V-E, green.
One, two, six,
O-N-E, T-W-O, S-I-X.
No matter what you do, I'm
gonna get you to land on green.
So, there you go, there's the
secret to life right there.
It doesn't matter what you do.
- That's bullshit.
- Yeah, it is bullshit.
We finally agree on something.
- Oh no, no, no, no, no
no, no, no, no, no, you can't.
You can't.
You can't okay.
Okay, okay.
You okay?
Is this okay?
Okay, you're okay.
You're okay, you
can't do that baby.
Okay?
Okay, okay.
I'm sorry, okay.
I'm sorry, sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'll put this back on, okay?
Okay.
There you go.
There you go.
There you go.
Okay.
Okay.
[Dylan, on the phone]
Hey, uh Tristan.
[Tristan, on the phone]
Hey, what's going on?
[Dylan]
I need help.
[Dylan]
This is it.
[Tristan]
Okay...
- [Dylan] So you know, you
know Angel is really sick
and she only has
a few weeks left.
And I, I need help, I
need to go somewhere
but I don't wanna
leave her alone.
- [Tristan] I can help
you take care of Angel.
We'll figure this out.
I love dogs and I'll
gladly love on your dog--
I need you to stay
where you are.
You're at your
mom's house right?
How long ago did you take--
(phone calls
blend together)
- I can't have you pass out-
- Stay on the phone.
- Do I need to
call an ambulance?
- Breathe out.
- Yeah just like that.
(harsh loud static)
(loud crashing)
- [Mom] Why can't you stop?
(harsh loud static)
I told him no drugs.
I am not having a druggie
here during Santa's presents.
There are gonna
be children here.
I had one rule!
- [Mom] - fucking kill him.
- Okay, what's going on?
- Right now,
this is what we
have to deal with.
How high he is.
So every time you come in
saying that you're not high,
we can see-
Okay mom, relax.
I just walked into
the room, okay?
Hey, I, I haven't done
anything in months, okay.
I've been sober for four months.
- Sober three years.
- I've been sober for 28
years, so there's that.
- That's a bunch of bullshit.
You smoked weed with Alex in
high school in the backyard.
- Oh, okay, because smoking
weed is the same thing
as doing opioids and Xanax.
Sure.
Haven't you smoked
meth a few times?
I am going to go and finish,
setting up Christmas.
If anyone wants to join
me, please feel free.
- Yep.
- What?
You fucking have.
He said you gave him the Xanax.
- Wow.
If I had Xanax, I would
be on Xanax right now.
- That's what I said.
- No shit.
- Fuck him.
Let him rot, he'll wake
up when he wakes up.
He's slept on cardboard,
he can sleep on a
fucking wicker chair.
(slow chiming)
(tense music building)
(dissonant violins screeching)
(Angel barking)
- (voicemail) Hi, Mr. Bradley
This is Sherry
from Dr. Rose's animal clinic.
This is a courtesy
call letting you know
that Angel's remains
are available for pickup
here at the office.
And it goes without saying
that the entire staff here
is so sorry for your loss.
All the very best.
- [Friend's Voicemail]
Love you bud,
saw your post about Angel.
Ah, just wanted to call and
say, Hey, and just, you know,
see how you're doing.
Love you bud.
Talk you later.
[Lotus] Your puppy went
floating to nestle in clouds.
Together with God, we
will work this all out.
You wish it was you and
truth be told, it should.
That dog was perfection,
you've done nothing good.
You finally found your
fix it or fuck it.
So peel off that glue
and let's get unstuck it.
Don't worry so much
because life's a parade.
You still have a handful
of cards yet to play.
So go on you big dummy
and don't be afraid.
Blah, blah,
motivational bullshit.
Namaste.
- I don't know how to quiet
the voices in my head.
It's really difficult for me.
My brain is like, like
a popcorn machine.
Fireworks.
A bunch of hyenas
fighting for attention.
[Lotus] If a situation
upsets you, you leave it,
you change it, or accept it.
You are in control.
(static)
[Mom Voice]
Why can't you stop?
[Young Briana] Try again.
[Briana] Try again.
[Lotus] You are
in control, breathe.
- I'm crumbling.
I'm falling apart.
And I know I'm supposed
to put my faith in God
and everything with
the program says,
you got to put your faith in
God, but my whole family's gone.
[Mom voice, comforting] Okay.
[Dylan] And I miss my mom.
[Mom voice]
Everything'a gonna be alright.
- You know how sometimes
like you're sick
and you just really
need your mom.
You just really need your mom.
And I miss my dog.
(sobbing)
Oh I miss my
fucking dog so much.
- [Briana] If you don't
fucking call me back,
I'm gonna call the cops to do a
fucking wellness check
on your ass okay?
[Lotus] Leave it.
Change it! OR ACCEPT IT!
[Lotus] YOU are in control.
- [Mom] You act like
I, I haven't been here.
You don't under- I remember
him when he was a little boy.
He was everything good.
He was all goodness.
I know it is still in him.
I, I see it when he's
high for Christ's sake.
- If you baby him, you bury him.
- It's not his fault,
it's a disease.
- Oh, can you stop
calling it a disease?
He doesn't have a
fucking disease.
Cystic fibrosis is a disease.
Lungs fucking failing.
24-7 sick, cancer,
Alzheimer's, all diseases.
Mom.
He's an addict.
If he just stops doing
drugs, he's cured.
Stop calling it a disease.
He just has no
fucking self control.
- I don't understand how you
can say things like that.
- Mom, if one of us was
married to a fuck-up,
you would be saying
the same shit to us.
- I guess it's different
when it's your kid.
- [Briana] Okay,
well he's our brother
and I refuse to feel
bad for him anymore.
As far as I'm concerned,
he's just some other asshole
that keeps breaking my
mom's fucking heart.
And until he stops,
he can fuck right off.
And here we are again,
cleaning up his mess.
Can you explain to me
why we're taking care
of this right shit now?
He doesn't give a fuck
about any of this stuff.
Why should we?
- Okay, just.
- Hey mom?
Mom, can you look at me
for one second please?
Hey, mom, please.
Brianna and I were talking,
and you need to stop doing this.
You can't keep doing
this anymore, alright?
This is your intervention now.
So you, you need to choose.
Dylan is killing you
with his sickness
and he's not going to stop
if you keep enabling him.
So, do you want a
relationship with Dylan
or do you want a relationship
with me and Brianna?
Because you can't have
all three anymore.
Not until Dylan gets
his shit together.
- He hasn't gotten his shit
together in two decades,
you think he's gonna start now?
- Briana can you maybe help
for two fucking seconds please?
- [Briana] Maybe I'm just sick
of living in the
fucking Twilight Zone
and we keep having to do this
shit over and over again!
[Dylan] Um well, so you think
you're in control,
but you never are.
- Wait, that's dad's trick.
You shouldn't be telling
people how to do that trick.
It takes the fun out of it.
Magic isn't very magical if
you know how the trick is done.
- All right, well you
told me to tell you.
- Since when do you
listen to what I say?
- The whole point is on
that side of the table,
you don't stand a chance.
So go ahead, go fuck
around on your phone,
comb your hair, obey speed
limits, go to church,
it doesn't matter what you do.
We're all ending up
in the same spot.
So like, what's the point?
Why should we try so hard?
- Okay.
What if I didn't pick a number?
What if I picked a color?
- I, I don't know.
I didn't ask you
to pick a color.
I asked you to pick a number.
- I know that, but
what I'm saying is,
is what if you sat
down to do the trick
and showed me that rainbow stick
and I jumped in before
you could say anything.
So I was like, oh, I love blue.
I don't want green, green
is the color of puke.
I want blue.
- Um then I just, I
just wouldn't the trick.
- Then I win.
- It's not about winning.
It's a metaphor for
how life isn't fair.
- If I pick blue, I win.
I crack the code.
So you're stupid because you
keep saying I'm not in control,
but I am.
See, this is why there's
no female magicians.
We figure shit out too quickly.
(soft music)
[Young Lilly] He would hide
little notes for us to find.
- I uh, I think I'm supposed
to bring this to you.
- Oh my God, Turbo.
You figured it out.
Four pills that you wrote
on a million months ago
with a Sharpie,
that is the answer we've
been talking about.
Well done.
Hey guys!
He figured it out!
- Yay he did it!
- Yeah boy.
- I knew he could do it,
with that big dick, Dylan.
- Big dick Dylan!
- Sounds like a good time
for a victory
grilled cheese, buddy.
- I don't know, man.
Maybe it's not a
literal key, you need-
- It's a literal code, it's
a literal key code, hoss.
All right, you are acting
like a re- really dumb person.
- Golden Door!
That is not the Golden
Door we all know and love.
That is frustration
talking Goldie.
- You know what, you're right.
That's not me guys.
That's not who I am.
I'm always learning.
And please give me
thoughts and prayers
during this difficult time.
But Dylan -- mm -- hang on...
what's a, I need a
stupid name for you.
Try again, Big Dog.
Think hard.
Pick a number.
and plug it in right
above my door dick.
- You want me to pick a number?
- When you repeat
what I say back to me?
- Yeah why are you
repeating things Dylan?
It makes me feel a
little frustrated.
- What's going on?
- Try again.
- Open up.
- Try again.
- [Golden Door] Pick a number.
- You're all dead to me anyways.
- Oh, we're dead to you?
- [Young Briana] We're not gonna
lose you let's go!
- Think hard.
Plug it in there.
- Was that mean of me? Making--
- [Lotus] You are in control.
- [Mom] You can do
this, you're so strong.
- What do you mean
you can't help me?
- You have to re-spawn yourself.
- [Golden Door] Are you
realizing something?
Is that what this is?
- [Tristan] I wanna see if
I can figure it out sober.
(emotional music)
- [Lotus] Breath in.
- Stay focused here, let's
keep your head in the game.
We got this. Stay focused.
- [Lotus] BREATHE!
- [Mystery Door] Why have
you not been LISTENING?!
We got this. Stay focused.
(music and voices swell)
(voices panicking)
(voices talking over each other)
- Ahh!
(thud)
- All right.
Hi mom.
Briana.
Lilly.
Okay.
I got into magic after I got
my right index finger cut off.
When I was little, you know,
it was a boat accident,
had a boat load of
stitches, pun intended.
Dad joke.
So my physical therapy was
grabbing a foam softball,
foam golf ball,
and then, you know,
picking up a single card.
Because I don't have any
feeling from here forward.
And so I got really
good at shuffling cards
because it me gave something
for my anxiety brain to do.
Dad gave me a lot.
Why it's important
to donate blood.
My love of hockey.
I mean, half of my childhood
is us playing one-on-one
tournaments in the front.
I was a terrible son.
A worse brother.
The definition of selfish.
I'm ashamed.
Truly.
I don't ever want to go back
to that version of myself.
I want to matter.
I want to help.
I want to be a kick-ass grandpa
telling stories to my grandkids.
And you know, when I die,
I want my story to be
one about perseverance.
Maybe it'll help for being,
such a bad person
for so long.
(thud)
(tap)
Well now what?
("Silent Night" very
slow instrumental)
(music stops)
(burps)
(exhales)
- I did it.
- [Voicemail] Hey,
you've got Dylan Bradley.
If this is a
professional phone call,
please leave a detailed message.
If this is a personal call,
please profess your love
to me after the beep.
(beep)
- [Briana] Hey dude. Um...
Sorry for calling so early.
The kids have...
...been awake all morning
Um...
(kids playing in background)
Okay, I'm gonna cut the shit.
There's still a lot of anger
here and it's tough, okay?
But, I just wanted
to let you know,
I'm proud of you.
Honestly, I didn't
think you'd do it,
so gotta give credit
where credit's due, huh?
I'm glad you're well.
Merry Christmas.
Oh, hey, Mom and Lilly want to,
hold on, yeah can I finish?
I'm gonna let you talk.
(kids playing in background)
No, its a voicemail.
No, he didn't answer.
It's a voicemail.
Take the phone!
(phone clicks)
(beep)
- Wait, wait, wait.
I got, I gotta call my mom.
I gotta call my mom.
Mommy.
(coughs)
(chokes)
(gagging)
(gagging)
(inhaling deeply)
(celestial music)
(music box playing)
(birds chirping)
[Young Briana]
So this will go back here?
[Young Lilly] Yes.
We like put that here for
like the extra?--
- Hi big brother.
- [Dylan] This looks really cool
Do you wanna tell
me what you built?
- It's not a time machine.
- Is it a magic trick?
- No, it's more like happiness,
a superstition, and
aluminum foil in a box.
- [Dylan] How does it work?
- Well you get five
minutes to go back in time
to whatever time you want
with somebody who's dead.
- We chose dad since he's
the only dead person we know.
- Grandpa told us that
when somebody dies,
you only get one
memory to return to
where it's crystal clear.
The rest of them get fuzzy
and hard to remember.
Usually people's voices are the
first to go, or their laugh.
But the memory is
still there, repeating.
Like when dad's old
CD player would skip.
- You go outside where
Heaven can see you
and you grab something
they gave you.
So like Bear-Bear.
And you think back
before dad was sick.
So instead of him hurting
in the hospital bed,
he can be fixing our
fridge or holding our hands
while we go to the
movies or something.
- Or tying our skates.
(machine beeping)
(music builds)
(dishes clinking)
(Dad humming)
(dishes clinking)
- Hi Angel.
(Dad humming)
(Dad clears throat)
- Whoa! you're up.
- Can I help?
- Can you help?
Heck yes, you can help.
What do you wanna do,
you wanna wash or dry?
- Yeah, can I wash?
- Yeah, absolutely step
in, okay. (chuckling)
- Oh my gosh.
There we go, is that good?
- It's beautiful.
- All in there.
- [Dad] Yeah, you got it.
Dig in, you got cocoa
all over that thing.
- (laughing) Yeah.
Thanks for a great Christmas.
- Thank you son.
- I love you, dad.
- I love you too kid.
Thanks for cleaning up.
- Okay, rinse it out.
And grab another one.
You got this.
You're getting
pretty good at this.
- What are you
doing on New Years Eve?
(laughing)
(slow piano music)
(tape click)
- (singing) to you,
happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday Grandpa Dylan!
Happy birthday to you
(party horns)
- Well, come on over here.
Help me out here, okay?
Okay, now you ready?
You guys ready?
Go ahead, you can say it.
(Both granddaughters)
Make a wish!
I love it, thank you very much.
Okay, let's do it together
right now, let's go.
(blowing)
Good girl, good girl.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Did your wish come true?
(calm music)
(dreamlike music)
(cards shuffling)
(cards flipping)
(background music swelling)
(ominous music plays)
(cards slapping)
(violins swelling)
(cards shuffling)
(music crescendos)
(sad piano plays in background)
(gulping)
(sighs)
(breathing heavily)
(background music builds)
(growling)
(music fades out)
- [Mom] Everything's gonna be
all right, I promise.
(groaning and panting)
Just breathe, there ya go.
- [Mom] Everything's
gonna be all right.
- Thank you Mom and dad.
Did you hear that? Mom and--
(tape rewinding)
(tape scratching)
- So, it's Christmas Eve,
couple hours away from
being one year sober.
And it's also gonna be
my first Christmas...
Without, um...
Yeah, fuck it.
(loud bell rings)
(crashing sound)
(panting)
(engine whirring)
(radio plays)
- SURPRISE!
- Congratulations.
- Congratulations to you.
No more drugs no more booze
(laughing)
- We had to do something
before you skip town,
- So this is, congratulations,
good luck, and
Christmas, all in one!
(laughing softly)
(dark music humming)
- Hello?
- Come on, say something.
- [Tristan] Speech, speech!
- [Tristan] Who works at an ice
rink in Florida?!
- Psychopaths.
- meth-heads
- Yeah, drug addicts.
- [Lotus] Everything is
going to be all right.
Breathe.
You are in control of
your breath and your life.
Remember you are exactly
where you need to be.
Allow all of the thoughts
and burdens of the world
to be free from your mind.
Remember.
(hockey stick slapping)
- [Lotus] Even if your thoughts
wander that's okay too.
(fist pounding on door)
- [Lotus] Just focus
on your breath.
In.
(wailing)
(exhales)
And out.
In.
And out.
(slowly) Keep breathing
slowly like this.
Fully empty your lungs
with each breath.
You are in control-
(hockey air horn blares)
(sirens wailing)
(hockey air horn gets louder)
(sounds stop abruptly)
(water pouring)
(glass clinks)
- Hey, Angel, Angel, Angel.
Come here.
Come here.
(cicadas)
Babies, babies, babies.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hi.
Hi, come here.
Come here.
Come on.
Come on.
(door sliding)
(faucet water dripping)
(gargling)
(lonely music)
(water running)
- Okay. You ready?
Here we go.
Okay, wanna get a treat?
(baby voice) That's a girl.
Oh, that's delicious, thank you.
Well, it's Christmas Eve,
couple hours away from
being one year sober.
And it's also gonna be
my first Christmas...
Without, um...
Yeah, fuck it.
You wanna go watch a show
about lions and shit?
- [TV Narrator] It's been days
since the lions have found water
and time,
is running-
- [Elf #1] Aww Jingle bells
- I guess I'll be alone this
Christmas...
- [Elf #2] No you won't!
We can spend it together.
Christmas can be saved!
- [Unison] Yay!
- You don't even give a shit.
- [Mike Flanagan] Looks like
they WON'T be home alone
this Christmas.
- [TV Dad] Kids. I'm home.
- [Kids] Daddy!
- [M Flanman] Fly with
Speed Fast Airlines
and go higher than ever before.
- Let me see this girl.
(lonely music)
- Ready to go to bed?
- [Voicemail] Hey, you've
reached Briana, leave a message
and I'll get right
back to you, ciao!
- Hey it's Dylan, I
just wanted to call
and say Merry Christmas.
I'm at one year sober today
and uh...
well, I don't know.
Technically I didn't,
I'm not gonna get it for like
another hour and 40 minutes,
but even I can't
fuck that up. Right?
I miss you guys.
Merry Christmas.
- [Voicemail] You
have no new messages.
To listen to your old messages
from people that you have
pushed away, please press-
(beep)
Hi baby boy it's mom.
Just calling to see how your
day is going. Love you.
- I miss you, man.
I've been meaning to reach out.
I want to hear what's
going on with you-
- Hey it's Tristan,
dude, I just saw your story and
- and you made and extra tray
of "fuck it" nachos--
- Dude pick up the
fucking phone for once-
- There's not enough time
to profess all my love -
(voicemails and
beeps blend together)
- Hello?
Are you coming over
for dinner or not?
(voicemails and
beeps get louder)
(impossible to hear one
voice over another )
(thudding gets
louder and faster)
- [Briana's Voicemail]
Dylan? Seriously?
- If you don't call me back I'm
calling the cops -
- to do a wellness check on
your ass -
(someone arguing angrily
mixed with thuds)
(sounds fade out except
for telephone beep)
(cicadas buzzing)
(house creaks)
(weird noises)
(door opening)
(house alarm goes off)
(phone alarm)
- Angel?
Angel?
Angel!
(house alarm continues)
What the-
What the fuck?
Angel?
(house alarm turns off)
(smoke alarm)
(otherworldly music)
(house alarm goes off again)
Hey, Hey!
Fucking' try me asshole!
Hey, the fucking cops
are on their way!
You piece of shit-
(house alarm turns off)
Angel, where'd you go?
Angel?
Where'd you go?
(tense music)
(phone ringing)
(loud crash)
(house alarm blares!)
(crashing)
- What the fuck?
(calm Christmas music)
- Mm, that's fucking delicious
Ah.
Oh, that is good.
I know my way
around the kitchen.
- Agh!
- Ho Ho Ho!
- Ho Ho Ho.
Merry Christmas.
- Marshall?
- Weird, huh?
- What is this?
- I'm here to
celebrate with you.
You did it. You made
it a year, buddy.
If there was ever a time to
spike the eggnog, this is it.
- No it's- I am not
your buddy and I'm not-
- I'm here because I care!
I don't see anybody
else celebrating.
You don't care
you're my dealer -
- I'm your ex dealer.
And we were pretty good
friends for a while too.
All that's in the past.
I'm here today as like
your shamanic therapist
that wants to guide
you on a journey
of realization because you've
been going through a lot.
- No, I'm, I'm getting
outta here, how.
- [Scary Voices] Dylan, dylan!
- You're denying help right now.
And that's textbook
addict behavior.
(voices echoing)
Dylan, you're sick.
You're sad.
And you need help.
Let me help you.
Why don't we just
dip our toes in.
Fire up a backwoods.
Middle school shit.
(cackling)
I'm not-
I'm not touching anything
that you give me.
- Well we're going to need
something to take the edge off
because we have a
Herculean amount
of duct tape to peel
off therapy-wise.
One death
is a lot
an entire family?
That's some Holocaust shit.
And I don't say that lightly,
I know you're not supposed
to joke about the Holocaust
because it didn't happen.
But I stand by my metaphor.
Because what you've
been going through
has to be unfathomable,
recovering pill-head or not.
(loud knocking)
Good news is you got the same
backstory as the Punisher
and he's my all time favorite
comic book character.
I mean there is
nothing more badass
than losing your entire family
and continuing to
fight the good fight.
Okay, I'm picking up vibes
like you don't want
to be here right now.
I get it.
There's a key.
Anytime you want, you
just let yourself back in.
(echoing) I'm always
here for buddy.
You know that.
But but but-
Wait wait wait-
before I forget...
your Christmas present!
we got two goodie bags
for you to choose from.
In this hand, we got
The Great Green
Glorious Goodie Bag of Glee.
It's full of herbal tea and
mint flavored dental floss.
You choose this bag, you can
wake up Christmas morning
like none of this ever happened
and you can continue
being a Sober Sally.
You know what we
have in this hand?
In this hand,
we have the Rip Roaring' Red Bag
of Rooby Dooby-Doo
Snackie Poos and-
wait, wait, what, what
did I put in here again?
some Oxy Cottontail,
icy shards of crystal meth
in case you want to stay up
way up past your bedtime.
(echoing) Some Xanax
in case you need
to hop a flight to Zanzibar,
smooth things out
for a little while.
And I got some super
special mushroom chocolate
the psilocybin is
powderized, extracted,
blended with reishi
and cordyceps,
this is special designer shit-
This is the Tesla
of psychedelics.
You choose this bag,
You'll be riding the short
bus to hallucination station!
Woo-woo!
- This is not cool.
- Yeah, no, I know.
Just pick a color
red, or green-
All right let's cut
the bullshit here,
I've been talking a
lot. I tend to do that.
What do you want?
What do you want?
- I wanna stay clean, but
it is a fucking struggle.
And you show up here-
- All right, well
maybe move outta' your
dead family's vacation house
ya weirdo, you already
trashed one house.
- You know what give
me this fucking bag.
(laughing) Oh man.
I didn't think you'd
actually fall for that.
They're both drug. It's always
the same result with you,
no matter your intentions.
You know that.
You have a disease.
You're like a kid
with bone cancer,
except nobody wants
to make your wish.
(distorted) Was that mean of me?
Making you think
you had a choice?
- People think freedom
is like freedom to
do whatever you want.
When in fact freedom
is, you know,
choosing not to harm
yourself or others.
- Did you learn that when
you became my sponsor
or are you just listening
to Russell Brand's
Instagram too much?
- It's a little bit of both.
Fuck.
(video game noises)
Can you re-spawn me?
- Can I re-spawn you? No,
you have re-spawn yourself
and I...
- Oh!
- Hi.
Is that for me?
- Oh yeah, sure.
- I love these things.
- Well this is new.
- Yeah, it's an RPG.
- Is it any good?
- No.
Same old shit.
Predictable.
- Hey, have you seen Angel?
- Dude, don't do that.
You've already been
through enough, okay?
You don't deserve that.
Fuck!
I had to tell you somethi-
- Ah! (laughing)
The door wants to talk to you.
- Huh?
- The weird-ass door that
popped outta' nowhere?
it fuckin' wants to talk to you.
- Wait what?
THE DOOR!
The door, the weird-ass
door that popped-
(booming laughter)
- It's I, THE GOLDEN DOOR!
- Oh, dang.
- Wait, wait, hey.
Am I in trouble?
- Fuck
Fuck
Fuuuck.
- What do you mean fuck?
- I dunno. I, I don't know.
- You don't know?
(loud rap music from room)
- You've been good, right?
Yeah I've been good
I haven't done anything
for a year so like-
- (laughing) I'm so
glad I'm not you.
No, you should be fine.
You should be fine,
you should be fine.
Motherfucker!
Ah!
I hate this shit,
I hate this shit.
Motherfucker.
It's not fair!
Every time I try to do this
shit it does the same old thing.
I have to shit.
(eerie music)
Hey... HEY!
Don't do it champ.
Is that smart?
Have you thought this through?
Should I not, open... you?
- No, you definitely should.
Not open me.
I just need to, before
you reach the handle.
Okay. Yes.
Open me. I will walk...
I will walk you
through what to do
so that you can walk through
you with it, through
me, you and me
we will walk through this
together. I'll walk you through-
- (no) Mmm, mmm!
- Sorry, do I, do
I not open you?
Do I open you?
What do I do?
- Okey dokey champ, let's
try this one more time.
This is gonna be simple.
You just gotta listen
to instructions
and just stand there
and sit down.
- What?
- SIT DOWN!!!!
(eerie Christmas music)
Ho ho ho!
Merry Christmas, Dylan.
I am Santa Door!
I love Christmas.
Don't you?
(music stops)
(tape hiss)
(soft chimes)
- [Dad] What do I press?
(laughing)
- like the dumb leading
the blind here...
- Dylan, get in here!
- Dylan!
- [Young Dylan] What?
- What do mean, what?
Come here!
- [Young Dylan] I'm
playing my game.
- You know today is?
- Mm, no.
Should I?
- Today is your day.
- Oh-kay...
- Come on, open it.
- All right.
- You gonna say anything?
- I, I've done this.
I've heard this before.
- Not from us.
- I'm gonna be adopted?!
(video fastforwards)
- Okay, this is our first
official family video.
- Yeah!
- So don't blow it.
Okay, here we go.
- Let's hope he doesn't
regret this, okay?
- You probably will.
- [Dad] All right everybody-
- [Dad] Briana, let go of
one of those amazing farts
that you know, you're known for.
Come on now!
- Dad, nice hat!
- This is an untraditional
Christmas family, so-
- Hey dad?
Dad.
- Yeah?
- Do we keep lighting
this candle thing
or is that done now?
- [Dad] That's a
menorah and that one,
we actually don't light.
We pour oil into the middle
one, but we're past that now.
- Oh, okay.
- [Dad] Yeah. Good
job though, good job.
- Thanks.
- [Dad] How's it going?
I keep meaning to ask like,
why do you guys celebrate
every holiday, but aren't-
- Shh, Shh!
If you shut up.
You get more presents.
- You know what you're-
- [Dad] Yeah, you'll
figure it out.
- [Dad] Mom's been
sipping the egg nog.
- [Mom] Don't tell them that!
(everyone laughing)
Can I have a sip?
(tape clicks)
- What you watching?
- I was watching
my adoption tape,
but now I've just been watching
like 10 minutes of us asleep
on Christmas as
kids. You wanna see?
- Yeah.
Little nuggets.
(sink running)
You know, back before
everybody had a camera
in their pocket,
Dad was the one
documenting everything.
He would've loved today's
social media shit show.
- Isn't it so funny how like,
this has huge sentimental value.
But now that we take
photos and videos
like 20, 30 times a day,
it's like, who cares?
- You know, that was your
dad's favorite video.
- Wait, this one us sleeping?
- Mhmm, he used to say
there was nothing better
than seeing you all to sleep
warm blankets, full belly.
Safe.
He would say that that's
some Mr. Rogers shit.
Oh, you know, you know that
I'm faking being asleep here?
- Mm, you faking it?
- Yeah. I'm faking it.
Okay, so like I'm laying there,
my mind's going berserk
because my mind's
always going berserk.
And you know, every Christmas
before this was awful.
I mean, you know, but
this one was peaceful.
This was my first
peaceful Christmas ever.
Thank you for that by the way.
And I, you know, out
the corner of my eye
I see dad's cleaning, he's
cleaning everything. Right?
Like the food, the
wrapping paper, the dishes,
the whole mountain of
dishes. And he's happy.
Like he's humming, right?
Like he's singing
while cleaning.
And I had this impulse to
help him, and I don't know,
I just didn't.
I don't know why.
I regret it, actually.
It makes me sad.
- That's a silly thing
to feel sad about.
Your dad loves
cleaning, you know that.
I know he loved
cleaning, but like,
I could've helped the
guy, you know what I mean?
- Aw.
- You will always be
that little kid to me.
No matter how big you get,
you will always be this big.
- The beard isn't
throwing you off at all?
- Nope, you were a cute kid.
- You know what sucks right now?
I'm realizing that I, I
don't know grandma's name.
- You know your
grandmother's name.
- I know, I know it.
Like I know it's in my brain
somewhere, but I don't,
I mean, like tell me
a story about her.
I want to know.
- Ah it's...
It's impossible.
It's like, the of smell popcorn.
How do you describe that to
somebody who's never had it?
- Okay, well that's
a great example
because if grandma was anything
like popcorn, then she
must have been a badass.
- Oh popcorn is badass?
Yeah, of course
popcorn's badass.
- Okay.
She was my best friend.
My very best friend.
When she died, my life ended.
Felt like it anyway.
- Oh wait, was her name Beady?
- Her name was Dolores.
- Ah, yes.
We called her Beady because
she had beady little eyes.
Grandpa's nickname for her.
Ah, Nope.
Too painful.
Just like how you can't...
NONE of us can talk about
your father without crumbling.
- Oh that is fair as shit.
- Ugh.
- Yuh.
Why does dying have to
be such a sad thing?
Like why can't it
be a happy thing?
Like when I die, I
hope people party, man.
I want people to tell
stories about me,
like how cool I was and...
Come on, just tell me one thing,
like one unique
thing about grandma.
I don't know anything
about grandma.
Like did she smoke?
Did she have her ears pierced?
Okay Okay Okay.
- [Briana] Oh, look what I find?
- Drunk and drugged
out of his mind per usual.
Hey big bro.
This is going straight to
your probation officer.
Look at your fucking eyes.
- Hey, good, you're
all dead to me anyways.
- Oh, we're dead to you?
- I sat him outside, do you
want me to go talk to him,
do you want both of
us to go talk to him?
What do you wanna do?
- Can you just, you
handle him first.
- Let me make some tea
to calm the fuck down.
- I'm going to kill him.
- Are we gonna have another
Christmas with the cops or-
- Shut up Lilly.
- I don't think that
is helpful right now-
- Your brother is
killing himself.
- I'm gonna go outside now.
- Okay but I was
seriously joking.
Oh my God, you need to relax
You do this every fucking time.
- Thanks.
- I'm gonna be very calm.
I'm CHOOSING to be calm.
The first words
out of your mouth
are gonna be what
drugs you took today.
- What?
I didn't fucking take anything,
so I don't know what you want.
- Try again.
- I smoked some spice
a couple hours ago.
- Try again.
- I smoked some spice,
like two hours ago.
It's legal for Christ's sake.
- Spice wears off
in like 20 minutes.
- I took an Advil PM.
I, I was gonna
take a nap earlier.
So I took like one
or two Advil PMs.
- Cool, so you're
only two lies in.
You haven't deflected
like crazy yet.
So whose fault is
it this time, Huh?
Who are you gonna
blame this time, Huh?
- It's okay.
What did we say about Christmas?
Hmm?
We said that if you brought
drugs into this house
or if you were high
around the kids,
then no questions asked,
we were calling the police.
Did we not have a huge
agreement on that?
- [Dylan] I fucked up.
I'm really sorry.
I broke off a baby
piece of Xanax.
- Okay.
Where did you get Xanax?
- Lilly gave it to me.
- Lilly, Lilly gave you Xanax.
Why the fuck would
Lilly give you Xanax?
Lilly loves Xanax.
If she had Xanax,
she'd be fucking high
on Xanax right now.
- Whatever.
I don't give a fuck
anymore, all right?
Nobody gets it.
- Especially you,
everyone just yells.
- Stop. Okay.
Fucking stop.
I understand, okay?
You smell like shit,
you look like shit.
Are you listening?
Hey, listen to me.
We said no drugs.
You said yes, drugs.
So now you can't be here.
God, you sometimes
I think you forget
that I have been
exactly where you are.
- Look, I'm not even invited
Christmas Eve for my family
but it's okay because
once I'm gone-
- You don't get it.
- Everyone can shut-
- You don't get it,
you don't get it!
You're not invited-
Shut the fuck up, okay?
You are not invited
where children are.
Do you understand that?
Because you've proven time and-
- time and time again.
You're just gonna get fucked
up and ruin the holiday.
Like right now you're
getting fucked up
and ruining the holiday.
- Oh like you're one to talk.
It was a moment of weakness.
But everybody just yells at me.
I know what I need,
I need a positive support system
and your pigtails are bullshit.
You don't even know
how to fucking tie
little loop-de-doops.
- I happen to think--
- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
- You laughed, I'm off the hook.
Fuck you.
- You fucking suck dude.
- Knock knock.
- interrupting Turtle.
- Why did the chicken cross the-
- No, knock knock.
- Who's there?
- Interrupting turtle.
- I just wanna-
- You have to say
interrupting turtle who.
- Interrupting turtle who?
Oh my God, what are you doing?
Nope.
- Gotcha.
- Okay, cool.
(Christmas Phone Alarm)
It's officially midnight.
Merry Christmas.
- Yeah, let me,
let me put 500
pounds on your chest
and push it on you
and yell at you
instead of giving you a spot
and you'll know has
this fucking feels.
- No, Dylan,
Dylan you've had
nothing but help.
- You've had nothing but help.
The rehab people say that
if we keep babying you,
we bury you, right?
Isn't that what they say?
- Yeah.
- If I let you back into
that house, you don't learn.
This may very well have been
your fix it or fuck it moment.
This was your chance to prove
that you could be a part
of this family again.
And YOU decided to say fuck it.
Not me, YOU chose this shit.
And now I have to sound like
a fucking broken record player
because we keep having
the same conversation
over and over again, and...
Is he asleep right now?
Are you fucking
sleeping right now?
- There's no point in us
doing this right now, okay?
- I hope you're ODing right now.
Do us all a favor, you
fucking embarrassment.
- Hey! That's not gonna happen.
- Wake up!
Wake up!
- Briana!
- Wake up, wake up, wake up!
(Camera clicks)
- Well.
Crap.
- I know you're high right now.
- Oh Christ mom, come on-
- Don't.
Why can't you stop?
(emotional music)
(whispering) Okay.
Okay.
- Mom?
Am I in trouble, or...?
- Give.
Unplug it.
When you are one year sober.
When you are present,
pun intended,
you're gonna open this and
we will watch it together.
And I will tell you stories
about my mom and dad.
And not make it a sad thing.
Deal?
(kettle whistling)
(echo) Try again.
(dreamlike music)
(music stops)
(high pitched whining)
- (echoing) Try again.
Try again.
- Let's try this one more time.
I'm a talking door, all right?
Alright? I'm a flipping' talking
door and I just materialized
in the middle of
your living room.
So you tell me... Does that
sound like safety or danger?
Are you in safety
or danger Dylan?
- I've got a knife.
- Oh yeah, it's gonna
be a lot harder for me,
a magic door, to bend
time and tie you up
with Christmas lights now
that you have a knife.
Look, I can't promise anything,
but I CAN promise you something
I will never hurt you.
Ugly Jesus.
- All right, well
now I'm nervous
so I'm bringing the knife.
Yeah kiddo you would be
stupid not to bring a knife.
Come on bruiser, you got this
you big old burger, come on.
Agh! You dirty dog,
that's my PEE PEE!
- Open up. Come on.
- No, you need the key code.
- Open up, come on.
- No, you need a key code.
- Key, what?
- A key code.
- The drug guy, he told you
about the key code, right?
- There's a key.
- You know that. Cool.
- Honestly, I wish somebody was
helping me with all of this-
(high-pitched voice
yelling frantically)
- It's kind difficult all alone
getting the basics across...
Agh my fucking alarm
didn't go off... Am I late?!
Do you need me now?
Cuz this is where I come in,
right? To help?
The Mystery Door!
- Hey.
- I'm here! I got here!
- Hey, good morning.
- Oh okay now, am I needed now?
- No, I'm good, I got it, I
got it over here, thank you.
- You need me say, you need me.
I'm just telling this dude -
- I'm here to help.
- Didn't your dude obviously
hold out a key for him to unlock
- Oh look at me, I'm
ready, I'm ready!
- No, that door
opened on its own.
- Ah, come on, you narc.
- Oh yeah, dude, it was nuts.
I woke up, the whole
house is shaking to shit.
There's an earthquake, like
the lights are going crazy.
All these fucking
doors were open.
Okay dude, between you and me?
I want one hundred
percent thought
I was getting
abducted by aliens.
- There are no
earthquakes in Florida.
There are no fault
lines in Florida.
I know that Florida
doesn't have earthquakes.
I'm just saying that
like everything was-
- There was an earthquake
in 1792 at 12:58 PM, so...
- Hm, 1792. She's right, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah yeah!
- Hey big guy, if
we're gonna do this,
you just gotta be
straight with me.
It makes you look
bad when you lie
and when you look
bad I look bad.
- This is what happened.
- Maybe we should just huddle up
- I'm just saying.
All right... I don't...
- Alright my boy, you used a key
code to get through her --
- I backed into the door
and it opened on its own.
I don't know what... do
you wanna chime in here?
- My bad?
- See? See what
I'm dealing with.
- Hey, Mystery Door.
You forget to lock yourself up?
You did, didn't you?
Yeah... My bad.
- So where we're
at is that you let
low budget Bradley Cooper open
a magic door without a key-
- Hey, are you talking shit
about me over there?
- Which makes him now believe
that he doesn't need a key code-
- 'Feck off I did it half right.
- And I want to express to you
that that makes me feel upset.
- I'm feeling upset because-
- I said my bad.
- I was spending a long time -
- Look Goldie, I said my bad.
- I'm kind of high,
so my order of operations is
all wonkly doodles, you know?
- Kind of high?
- Oh 'feck off, I
did a half right!
I thought the magic door
was gonna open like magic.
You know like how magic works?
Or I don't know, do I
need to say Open Sesame?
- Do I look like a lamp to
you? I'm a fecking door.
Plus my guy got him to take a
baggie and made a huge point
to like give him a key.
- [Marshall] If it helps, yeah,
I gave him a key, but I didn't
make a huge thing about it.
- Wait hold on, you...
You gave me a key, but
you don't have a handle.
What's the point
of giving me a key
if you don't have a handle?
- Why am I not surprised, forgot
to give yourself a handle?
- Feck off, ya know?!
- And hey I did not
take anything all
right, I got tricked.
- (mockingly) Officer, bro.
I swear I got tricked man.
[Lotus] - Perhaps I can help.
Deflecting is not
the path Dylan.
Own up to this.
There's a process to this.
- There is a process.
- I bet you think you
can please your old lady
without foreplay too?
- That is a very good
point, Mystery door.
Foreplay is important.
- You're right,
foreplay is important.
- [Marshall] Foreplay
is important, bro.
- It's about the journey,
not the destination.
I'm sorry I was yelling earlier.
- Making love is like
making a grilled cheese.
Give it time to breathe.
- [Marshall] It's
salty, it's gooey.
It's usually accomplished
in three to five minutes.
- Hey, Hey guys, let's
just get him back on track.
Dylan. DYLAN...
Did you,
or did you not take...
... the druggies?
- He presented me
with two bags, okay?
- Did you or did you not
take a bag of something
from a drug dealer yes or no?
- Yes, but-.
- See I told ya!
- No... not my Dylan...
(everyone talking
over each other)
- Look at that shite bucket!
Hey! We got this guys
(SINGING) He took the druggies!
- So you failed that test.
- Just gotta get that key code.
- You CAN do this.
Christmas CAN be saved.
- We got this, right guys?
Woo!
- So what, now I gotta
go scour my whole house
for a key code combo just to
open some bullshit door?
- I'm a, I'm a bull crap door?
I'm a bullshit door,
that's what you call me?
- I think what the golden
door is trying to say-
- No, I'm gonna curse now.
If he's gonna curse at me,
I'm just gonna
say it right back.
- Hey, Hey, I'm
just as important-
- Important, oh,
you're important?
- I'm just as important as
this dude's quest for sobriety.
- You are in control...
- Breathe.
Well done.
- You suck!
You fucked this whole thing up!
- You're the door that
led to drugs asshole.
You started this wrong.
No handle.
- Breathe.
- Don't need to spend
my whole fucking Christmas-
(everyone yelling
loudly over each other)
- Okay let's all talk
at the same time.
Who can be louder?
Who can be louder?
I'm loud. Look, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah.
- Hey. Knock knock...
- Fuck you.
- No, fuck YOU!
- Fuck you Golden Door!
and fuck you Dylan!
You know I was gonna help
but you know what?
I don't need to
hear another story
about a straight white dude
feeling bullshit remorse
for his own
self-destructive ass!
Boo, hoo!
Just, watch all the
empathy I have for you.
Look at my face, see
how empathetic I am?
Now I'm gonna have
grilled cheese,
dirty sex with your dead
fucking dad, you punk-ass bitch.
- Hey!
What the fuck did
you just say to me?
Hey, open up and say that
to my face motherfucker!
Oh now you're gonna ignore me?
- [Marshall] For the record,
I'm not ignoring you.
I just don't want
to get involved.
This is between
you and the door.
- Right, you know
what? That's not fair.
That's not fair!
Oh!
- Mother fuck!
- [Marshall] Okay,
that wasn't me.
That was the door, I swear.
I'm a little scared of you.
- [Dylan] Hey!
Hey, your buddy just tried
to break fucking my nose.
Oh great, now you're
gonna ignore me too.
(crashing)
- You're doing drugs in
dad's house?!
I hate you!
We all hate you!
- Another one.
Got a bunch of
alive dudes today.
(mix of sounds rushing)
- [Dylan] It's a bear!
- Yogi! Yogi! Yogi!
- (singing) When the night-
(explosion)
(loud party)
- [Dylan] These ones are pretty.
[Lilly] I saved his life
once again.
- Saved my life.
(harsh digital sounds)
- [Dylan] Had a whoopsy-doodles.
- A major whoopsy-doodles.
- Today my
court-appointed therapist
suggested that I talk
to an empty chair.
That I could put my dead dad
or anyone from my
past or present
just write in an empty chair
and I can hash
things out that way.
Look, the second that I start
talking to inanimate objects
- [Dylan] Oh, that's blood.
I'll take that please.
(nurse talking)
(vibrating sound overwhelms)
(choking)
(inhaling raggedly)
- What the hell was that about?
Huh?
(laughing behind door)
(mysterious music)
- [Marshall] Doctor told me
I can't eat nuts anymore.
Because I got
diverticulitis in my rectum.
- Yeah, nope you
gotta' stay away.
- It's just smooth peanut
butter from here on out.
- Yeah you gotta' stay
away from the bad stuff.
- All right, I'm
going, I'm going.
- If you don't stay
away from the bad stuff
diverticulitis in the rectum...
Angel! (stuttering)
- [Dr. Rose] Angel's had
a really long happy life.
Now, I know that because
doggies don't make it this long
without a lot of love.
She's got a tumor and it's right
at the neck of her bladder.
Here's the thing though,
I'm gonna level with you.
(jumbled) -she does have cancer.
Keep that in mind-
The only way that she's
gonna be able to urinate
right now-
- Hold on.
So she has to have this plastic
thing hanging out of her?
Like a cone for the
rest of her life?
- Effectively, Yes.
So the game plan is that
we're gonna have to keep
that catheter in place,
because it is the only way she's
gonna be able to
pass urine right now.
And it's being kept in
place by this balloon
that resides in her bladder.
If she's able to chew
at that catheter,
that catheter can go up into
her bladder, it can rupture,
and in the end we're not
gonna be doing surgery
in this kind of situation.
That's instant
euthanasia, Dylan.
- Listen to her,
she hates the cone.
I'm not gonna torture my dog
for the last two weeks
of her life, I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna do it.
Is there anything
else I can do for her?
I'll level with ya.
Here's what it is.
If she's with you on the
couch, head in your lap,
go ahead, pop the cone off.
You know give her a good
scratch behind the ears.
Things like that.
The same rule applies though.
I mean you gotta be
watching her really tight.
So that cone's the only thing
that's gonna be stopping
her from getting at it.
Now it's tough
love, I know that.
It's not the greatest-
- it could end up
rupturing her bladder.
We discussed this before, we're
not gonna be doing surgery.
She's got a tumor.
(whirlwind of sounds)
You stupid piece of shit.
- You need to stop.
- You need to be watching her!
- She has CANCER!
(Angel whining)
(voices yelling)
- [Dylan] Angel...
(voices yelling)
(Angel whining)
Just get your fucking
shit together!
(sighing deeply)
- (funny voice) Ah
gaw-ga-gaw-ga-goo!
That's my babies.
Hi.
Hi Angel...
Oh, let's take this off of you.
Oh, get this off of here.
You're having a good day?
Oh, you're having a
good day baby girl?
Oh, how we doing here?
Oh smiling.
That was a good-
Oh, you're doing okay.
You're smiling.
You're doing okay.
(choking sound)
(loud knocking)
(scary music)
(knocking)
- Fucking stop.
- Why can't you stop?
(crash)
- Good, there you are.
I forgot to tell you.
Be sure to hide any
razor blades or guns
you got in the house.
- You know I don't own a gun.
- Oh!
- Here, take mine.
You gotta have a toaster
if you want to make toast.
- I am not suicidal.
Why would I kill myself?
- Dylan, you've been slowly
killing yourself for years.
Do you know what drugs do
to your body over time?
- Yes asshole, that's
why I've been sober --
- Choo choo!
Look I gottta go.
My sugar baby is lactating.
- Get you fucking
hand out of my face!
How do you open the
goddamn golden door?
- Dylan.
If you didn't select
the great green glorious
goodie bag of glee,
the golden door would've
opened up on its own.
I guess you've got
to wait another year.
- I'm calling the cops.
Ooh scary, you're
calling the cops.
Call the cops.
Be sure to tell them that a
golden door teleported here,
Your ex-drug dealer
materialized.
He's felon and he's been
waving a gun around.
Translation bro: The cops
can't do shit for you now.
(electronic music
leaks through door)
Hahaha!!!
(phone dialing)
- What?
- All right, um...
There's a drug dealer in
my house and he has a gun.
He's waving it around,
I'm fucking scared man.
I need you to send
someone right away.
What do you mean
you can't help me?
[Marshall] Ah shit! Shit! Shit!
(phone dialing)
- [Mom Voicemail] Hi,
you've reached Gloria.
Sorry I'm not here now.
- [Mom] I really am Dylan.
I'm sorry I'm not
here now to help you.
You can do this.
You're so strong.
My baby boy, I miss you so much.
- Stop fucking with me!
- Stop!
- (screaming) Stop!
Ah.
Please, I am truly,
genuinely trying my best.
(lock clicking)
Can't you like search my heart?
Can't you like see that I'm not,
I'm not lying to you.
Like I did not touch anything
for a literal calendar year.
Talk to me.
Please?
Please???
(laughter)
(yelling)
(echo) I'm gonna be adopted?
- Like this isn't-
(fragmented voices)
- [Mom] Congratulations!
- Oh, is this that uh...
The, the magic stick.
Can you do it?
The magic stick thing.
I want to see if I can
figure it out sober.
- Okay, hold on.
Let me get the
dirt off my hands.
Okay, so you see how
this has six colors?
It's the same on both sides.
- Yeah.
- Go ahead and pick a
number one through six.
- Three.
- Okay. 1, 2, 3, land on orange.
Is that fair? You just
go phew, there you go.
Now it's orange.
- He's a genius!
- How does he do it?
Do you know how he does it?
I don't get it.
- Dude, our dad taught that
to us when we were five.
It's a trick for kids.
[Dad] Tenth fricking time I've
fixed the fridge in a month.
(whining)
- Stop flossing,
everywhere you go.
It's disgusting, you fling
food shit everywhere.
- I'm not gonna apologize
for having perfect teeth.
- You, you can have
amazing teeth later.
- Perfect teeth, you
annihilate your insides,
but then you worship your teeth.
You make no sense to me.
(happy music)
- Congratulations!
(fireworks)
- [Trophies] Surprise,
surprise, surprise!
- What!
Guys?
I haven't seen you in forever.
- Tell us the story.
We want to hear the story.
Oh come on, of course I'll do it
Yeah! Woo! Go Dylan!
Ladies and gentlemen, fifteen
seconds left of the game.
We are down by one. Goalie
pulled. Center ice face off.
Ref drops the puck.
Your's truly wins the face off.
- Obviously.
I find an open patch of ice.
- Yeah, of course.
- He gives me the puck,
I dipsy-doodle
around a defender.
- Duh!
Boom! Nothing between me
and the goalie baby.
I got a break away.
Holy cow!
A breakaway?!
- There's only seconds
left in the game?
- The winning goal on his stick?
- I don't understand sports.
- So, this is kind of
one of those moments
- Where time freezes.
- I see my Mom in the stands.
- Woo-hoo!
She's just so proud of me.
And you know, I'm a kid.
- I'm a trophy!
- I got dreams.
So I imagine what it's gonna
be like to win the Stanley cup.
Score that game-winning goal.
You know, the cameras
come rushing onto the ice
families in your face.
We got a happy ending,
ladies and gentlemen.
- Yes! I love happy endings!
- Happy endings are my favorite!
- What happens next?
- You guys know
what happens next.
My head hits the
plexiglass full blast.
I get knocked out cold
once I hit the damn thing,
my neck is the first
thing to hit the ice
and neck snaps in four places.
I mean, he's not getting up.
Things could not possibly
get worse for Dylan.
Things couldn't possibly
get worse for Dylan-
- couldn't possibly get
worse for Dylan could they?
- That's my boy, Dylan!
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, shh.
- Do you guys hear that?
- Oh, oh, I'm sorry!
Is he about to bounce back?
(whistling rally cry)
Ladies and gentlemen!
We have a Rocky Balboa
kick-ass montage
on our hands!
(cheering and yipping)
- He's gonna be bigger,
faster and stronger!
(triumphant music)
(Trophy Battle Cry!)
- [Trophy] Did you do it?
...Did you become a hero?
- No.
I'm sorry everybody.
He missed an entire
year of school.
Bedridden.
Puking from vertigo
through a neck brace.
Whatever friends that he still
had, they all abandoned him
because over the
years he just steals.
He just steals pain pills
from all of their houses.
I mean he didn't even
have the strength
to speak at his
father's funeral.
(chimes clanging)
(clanging speeds up)
- [Young Dylan] Hello, everyone.
Thanks for coming.
I never really met
my biological dad.
I called my adopted dad, "dad".
Since the first day that
they adopted me, and...
(exhales)
I can't do it.
- If you knew my dad,
you knew that he was
a giant kid at heart.
He was a prankster
and to be honest,
I'm kind of half expecting him
to like pop out of his coffin
and go, "gotcha".
He loved Disney movies.
- Hercules was his favorite
because it's a story of a God
forced down from Mount
Olympus to birth as a baby
only to be adopted by humans
and raised as one of their own.
Eventually he
learns of his powers
and the adopted
kid saves the day.
When he got sick,
he would hide these little
notes for us to find.
So when he passed,
we would look at them and
look back and not be sad.
He didn't want remembering to
be always such a sad thing.
He always said good morning
to me when I woke up.
(sobbing)
He always said "Choose good."
- It's so easy to be selfish
and lie, and blah blah blah.
Hercules not only
has killer abs,
but he has a killer heart.
No scratch that he doesn't
have a killer heart.
He has a kind heart.
The point is-
- he spent his whole life
helping us to be brave,
(sobbing)
pushing us to choose good and
step out of our comfort zone.
- I'm not ready to say
goodbye to my dad, I'm not-
- He loved us all equally.
There was no separation
between his biological
and adopted kids.
- I don't feel okay.
My head is-
- Whoa!
- Oh no! We've got him!
- We're not gonna lose you.
- Let's go!
- Dad, he has literal crap -
- It's so bad, oh no.
- Tag!
- Oh no-
- My sister...
- Let go you're gonna break it!
- You're gonna break
it, come on please stop.
- Dylan!!!
- Why did you rip it off
we worked so hard on it.
- Hey what the hell?
- He broke it,
you're an asshole!
- She needs to learn
that he's not coming back
and not everything
is a sign from dad.
- No grandpa told me
that I could just have
five more minutes with dad.
- he said --
- Dylan!
Ah!
- Hey, get off of him!
- Dylan if you
touch my stuff again
I swear I'll break your neck!
He's not even your real dad!
[Young Lilly] He can't breathe!
He's MINE!
[Young Lilly] Briana, calm down!
- You don't get to say anything!
[Young Lilly] He can't breathe!
(Young Dylan choking)
[Young Lilly] He can't breathe!
- [Briana] Is he
asleep right now?
Are you fucking
sleeping right now?
[Briana] I hope you're ODing.
[Young Lilly] He can't breathe!
- [Briana] Do us all a favor
you fucking embarrassment.
- Wake up!
- WAKE UP!!!
- Wake up!
- Wake the fuck up!
(Dylan choking)
- Hey, you want to know
the secret to life?
- Moderation?
- Mm.
Yeah, but no, it's this.
So, see how it's the
same on both sides?
It's a bunch of
different colors.
Pick a number one through six.
- Four.
- Are you sure you
wanna stick with four
or you don't wanna
change your mind?
- Okay, three.
- Oh three, okay.
We're gonna go one, two, three
and we land on
green, is that fair?
- Mm, hmm...
All right, hold your hand out.
Okay, so we're gonna
go one, two, "whoosh".
There you go.
Green on both sides. Magic.
- How did you do that?
- You get a piece of wood,
spray paint it black,
get a bunch of shitty 30 cent
gemstones that you glue to it.
And no matter what
you were gonna do,
I was just gonna force
the color green on you.
So you said four initially, if
you didn't change your mind,
I'd just go one, two,
three, four. Land on green,
but you changed it to three.
I gave you the
illusion of control.
So then I go one, two, three,
and I landed on green.
You could pick any number, five.
I would just go F-I-V-E, green.
One, two, six,
O-N-E, T-W-O, S-I-X.
No matter what you do, I'm
gonna get you to land on green.
So, there you go, there's the
secret to life right there.
It doesn't matter what you do.
- That's bullshit.
- Yeah, it is bullshit.
We finally agree on something.
- Oh no, no, no, no, no
no, no, no, no, no, you can't.
You can't.
You can't okay.
Okay, okay.
You okay?
Is this okay?
Okay, you're okay.
You're okay, you
can't do that baby.
Okay?
Okay, okay.
I'm sorry, okay.
I'm sorry, sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'll put this back on, okay?
Okay.
There you go.
There you go.
There you go.
Okay.
Okay.
[Dylan, on the phone]
Hey, uh Tristan.
[Tristan, on the phone]
Hey, what's going on?
[Dylan]
I need help.
[Dylan]
This is it.
[Tristan]
Okay...
- [Dylan] So you know, you
know Angel is really sick
and she only has
a few weeks left.
And I, I need help, I
need to go somewhere
but I don't wanna
leave her alone.
- [Tristan] I can help
you take care of Angel.
We'll figure this out.
I love dogs and I'll
gladly love on your dog--
I need you to stay
where you are.
You're at your
mom's house right?
How long ago did you take--
(phone calls
blend together)
- I can't have you pass out-
- Stay on the phone.
- Do I need to
call an ambulance?
- Breathe out.
- Yeah just like that.
(harsh loud static)
(loud crashing)
- [Mom] Why can't you stop?
(harsh loud static)
I told him no drugs.
I am not having a druggie
here during Santa's presents.
There are gonna
be children here.
I had one rule!
- [Mom] - fucking kill him.
- Okay, what's going on?
- Right now,
this is what we
have to deal with.
How high he is.
So every time you come in
saying that you're not high,
we can see-
Okay mom, relax.
I just walked into
the room, okay?
Hey, I, I haven't done
anything in months, okay.
I've been sober for four months.
- Sober three years.
- I've been sober for 28
years, so there's that.
- That's a bunch of bullshit.
You smoked weed with Alex in
high school in the backyard.
- Oh, okay, because smoking
weed is the same thing
as doing opioids and Xanax.
Sure.
Haven't you smoked
meth a few times?
I am going to go and finish,
setting up Christmas.
If anyone wants to join
me, please feel free.
- Yep.
- What?
You fucking have.
He said you gave him the Xanax.
- Wow.
If I had Xanax, I would
be on Xanax right now.
- That's what I said.
- No shit.
- Fuck him.
Let him rot, he'll wake
up when he wakes up.
He's slept on cardboard,
he can sleep on a
fucking wicker chair.
(slow chiming)
(tense music building)
(dissonant violins screeching)
(Angel barking)
- (voicemail) Hi, Mr. Bradley
This is Sherry
from Dr. Rose's animal clinic.
This is a courtesy
call letting you know
that Angel's remains
are available for pickup
here at the office.
And it goes without saying
that the entire staff here
is so sorry for your loss.
All the very best.
- [Friend's Voicemail]
Love you bud,
saw your post about Angel.
Ah, just wanted to call and
say, Hey, and just, you know,
see how you're doing.
Love you bud.
Talk you later.
[Lotus] Your puppy went
floating to nestle in clouds.
Together with God, we
will work this all out.
You wish it was you and
truth be told, it should.
That dog was perfection,
you've done nothing good.
You finally found your
fix it or fuck it.
So peel off that glue
and let's get unstuck it.
Don't worry so much
because life's a parade.
You still have a handful
of cards yet to play.
So go on you big dummy
and don't be afraid.
Blah, blah,
motivational bullshit.
Namaste.
- I don't know how to quiet
the voices in my head.
It's really difficult for me.
My brain is like, like
a popcorn machine.
Fireworks.
A bunch of hyenas
fighting for attention.
[Lotus] If a situation
upsets you, you leave it,
you change it, or accept it.
You are in control.
(static)
[Mom Voice]
Why can't you stop?
[Young Briana] Try again.
[Briana] Try again.
[Lotus] You are
in control, breathe.
- I'm crumbling.
I'm falling apart.
And I know I'm supposed
to put my faith in God
and everything with
the program says,
you got to put your faith in
God, but my whole family's gone.
[Mom voice, comforting] Okay.
[Dylan] And I miss my mom.
[Mom voice]
Everything'a gonna be alright.
- You know how sometimes
like you're sick
and you just really
need your mom.
You just really need your mom.
And I miss my dog.
(sobbing)
Oh I miss my
fucking dog so much.
- [Briana] If you don't
fucking call me back,
I'm gonna call the cops to do a
fucking wellness check
on your ass okay?
[Lotus] Leave it.
Change it! OR ACCEPT IT!
[Lotus] YOU are in control.
- [Mom] You act like
I, I haven't been here.
You don't under- I remember
him when he was a little boy.
He was everything good.
He was all goodness.
I know it is still in him.
I, I see it when he's
high for Christ's sake.
- If you baby him, you bury him.
- It's not his fault,
it's a disease.
- Oh, can you stop
calling it a disease?
He doesn't have a
fucking disease.
Cystic fibrosis is a disease.
Lungs fucking failing.
24-7 sick, cancer,
Alzheimer's, all diseases.
Mom.
He's an addict.
If he just stops doing
drugs, he's cured.
Stop calling it a disease.
He just has no
fucking self control.
- I don't understand how you
can say things like that.
- Mom, if one of us was
married to a fuck-up,
you would be saying
the same shit to us.
- I guess it's different
when it's your kid.
- [Briana] Okay,
well he's our brother
and I refuse to feel
bad for him anymore.
As far as I'm concerned,
he's just some other asshole
that keeps breaking my
mom's fucking heart.
And until he stops,
he can fuck right off.
And here we are again,
cleaning up his mess.
Can you explain to me
why we're taking care
of this right shit now?
He doesn't give a fuck
about any of this stuff.
Why should we?
- Okay, just.
- Hey mom?
Mom, can you look at me
for one second please?
Hey, mom, please.
Brianna and I were talking,
and you need to stop doing this.
You can't keep doing
this anymore, alright?
This is your intervention now.
So you, you need to choose.
Dylan is killing you
with his sickness
and he's not going to stop
if you keep enabling him.
So, do you want a
relationship with Dylan
or do you want a relationship
with me and Brianna?
Because you can't have
all three anymore.
Not until Dylan gets
his shit together.
- He hasn't gotten his shit
together in two decades,
you think he's gonna start now?
- Briana can you maybe help
for two fucking seconds please?
- [Briana] Maybe I'm just sick
of living in the
fucking Twilight Zone
and we keep having to do this
shit over and over again!
[Dylan] Um well, so you think
you're in control,
but you never are.
- Wait, that's dad's trick.
You shouldn't be telling
people how to do that trick.
It takes the fun out of it.
Magic isn't very magical if
you know how the trick is done.
- All right, well you
told me to tell you.
- Since when do you
listen to what I say?
- The whole point is on
that side of the table,
you don't stand a chance.
So go ahead, go fuck
around on your phone,
comb your hair, obey speed
limits, go to church,
it doesn't matter what you do.
We're all ending up
in the same spot.
So like, what's the point?
Why should we try so hard?
- Okay.
What if I didn't pick a number?
What if I picked a color?
- I, I don't know.
I didn't ask you
to pick a color.
I asked you to pick a number.
- I know that, but
what I'm saying is,
is what if you sat
down to do the trick
and showed me that rainbow stick
and I jumped in before
you could say anything.
So I was like, oh, I love blue.
I don't want green, green
is the color of puke.
I want blue.
- Um then I just, I
just wouldn't the trick.
- Then I win.
- It's not about winning.
It's a metaphor for
how life isn't fair.
- If I pick blue, I win.
I crack the code.
So you're stupid because you
keep saying I'm not in control,
but I am.
See, this is why there's
no female magicians.
We figure shit out too quickly.
(soft music)
[Young Lilly] He would hide
little notes for us to find.
- I uh, I think I'm supposed
to bring this to you.
- Oh my God, Turbo.
You figured it out.
Four pills that you wrote
on a million months ago
with a Sharpie,
that is the answer we've
been talking about.
Well done.
Hey guys!
He figured it out!
- Yay he did it!
- Yeah boy.
- I knew he could do it,
with that big dick, Dylan.
- Big dick Dylan!
- Sounds like a good time
for a victory
grilled cheese, buddy.
- I don't know, man.
Maybe it's not a
literal key, you need-
- It's a literal code, it's
a literal key code, hoss.
All right, you are acting
like a re- really dumb person.
- Golden Door!
That is not the Golden
Door we all know and love.
That is frustration
talking Goldie.
- You know what, you're right.
That's not me guys.
That's not who I am.
I'm always learning.
And please give me
thoughts and prayers
during this difficult time.
But Dylan -- mm -- hang on...
what's a, I need a
stupid name for you.
Try again, Big Dog.
Think hard.
Pick a number.
and plug it in right
above my door dick.
- You want me to pick a number?
- When you repeat
what I say back to me?
- Yeah why are you
repeating things Dylan?
It makes me feel a
little frustrated.
- What's going on?
- Try again.
- Open up.
- Try again.
- [Golden Door] Pick a number.
- You're all dead to me anyways.
- Oh, we're dead to you?
- [Young Briana] We're not gonna
lose you let's go!
- Think hard.
Plug it in there.
- Was that mean of me? Making--
- [Lotus] You are in control.
- [Mom] You can do
this, you're so strong.
- What do you mean
you can't help me?
- You have to re-spawn yourself.
- [Golden Door] Are you
realizing something?
Is that what this is?
- [Tristan] I wanna see if
I can figure it out sober.
(emotional music)
- [Lotus] Breath in.
- Stay focused here, let's
keep your head in the game.
We got this. Stay focused.
- [Lotus] BREATHE!
- [Mystery Door] Why have
you not been LISTENING?!
We got this. Stay focused.
(music and voices swell)
(voices panicking)
(voices talking over each other)
- Ahh!
(thud)
- All right.
Hi mom.
Briana.
Lilly.
Okay.
I got into magic after I got
my right index finger cut off.
When I was little, you know,
it was a boat accident,
had a boat load of
stitches, pun intended.
Dad joke.
So my physical therapy was
grabbing a foam softball,
foam golf ball,
and then, you know,
picking up a single card.
Because I don't have any
feeling from here forward.
And so I got really
good at shuffling cards
because it me gave something
for my anxiety brain to do.
Dad gave me a lot.
Why it's important
to donate blood.
My love of hockey.
I mean, half of my childhood
is us playing one-on-one
tournaments in the front.
I was a terrible son.
A worse brother.
The definition of selfish.
I'm ashamed.
Truly.
I don't ever want to go back
to that version of myself.
I want to matter.
I want to help.
I want to be a kick-ass grandpa
telling stories to my grandkids.
And you know, when I die,
I want my story to be
one about perseverance.
Maybe it'll help for being,
such a bad person
for so long.
(thud)
(tap)
Well now what?
("Silent Night" very
slow instrumental)
(music stops)
(burps)
(exhales)
- I did it.
- [Voicemail] Hey,
you've got Dylan Bradley.
If this is a
professional phone call,
please leave a detailed message.
If this is a personal call,
please profess your love
to me after the beep.
(beep)
- [Briana] Hey dude. Um...
Sorry for calling so early.
The kids have...
...been awake all morning
Um...
(kids playing in background)
Okay, I'm gonna cut the shit.
There's still a lot of anger
here and it's tough, okay?
But, I just wanted
to let you know,
I'm proud of you.
Honestly, I didn't
think you'd do it,
so gotta give credit
where credit's due, huh?
I'm glad you're well.
Merry Christmas.
Oh, hey, Mom and Lilly want to,
hold on, yeah can I finish?
I'm gonna let you talk.
(kids playing in background)
No, its a voicemail.
No, he didn't answer.
It's a voicemail.
Take the phone!
(phone clicks)
(beep)
- Wait, wait, wait.
I got, I gotta call my mom.
I gotta call my mom.
Mommy.
(coughs)
(chokes)
(gagging)
(gagging)
(inhaling deeply)
(celestial music)
(music box playing)
(birds chirping)
[Young Briana]
So this will go back here?
[Young Lilly] Yes.
We like put that here for
like the extra?--
- Hi big brother.
- [Dylan] This looks really cool
Do you wanna tell
me what you built?
- It's not a time machine.
- Is it a magic trick?
- No, it's more like happiness,
a superstition, and
aluminum foil in a box.
- [Dylan] How does it work?
- Well you get five
minutes to go back in time
to whatever time you want
with somebody who's dead.
- We chose dad since he's
the only dead person we know.
- Grandpa told us that
when somebody dies,
you only get one
memory to return to
where it's crystal clear.
The rest of them get fuzzy
and hard to remember.
Usually people's voices are the
first to go, or their laugh.
But the memory is
still there, repeating.
Like when dad's old
CD player would skip.
- You go outside where
Heaven can see you
and you grab something
they gave you.
So like Bear-Bear.
And you think back
before dad was sick.
So instead of him hurting
in the hospital bed,
he can be fixing our
fridge or holding our hands
while we go to the
movies or something.
- Or tying our skates.
(machine beeping)
(music builds)
(dishes clinking)
(Dad humming)
(dishes clinking)
- Hi Angel.
(Dad humming)
(Dad clears throat)
- Whoa! you're up.
- Can I help?
- Can you help?
Heck yes, you can help.
What do you wanna do,
you wanna wash or dry?
- Yeah, can I wash?
- Yeah, absolutely step
in, okay. (chuckling)
- Oh my gosh.
There we go, is that good?
- It's beautiful.
- All in there.
- [Dad] Yeah, you got it.
Dig in, you got cocoa
all over that thing.
- (laughing) Yeah.
Thanks for a great Christmas.
- Thank you son.
- I love you, dad.
- I love you too kid.
Thanks for cleaning up.
- Okay, rinse it out.
And grab another one.
You got this.
You're getting
pretty good at this.
- What are you
doing on New Years Eve?
(laughing)
(slow piano music)
(tape click)
- (singing) to you,
happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday Grandpa Dylan!
Happy birthday to you
(party horns)
- Well, come on over here.
Help me out here, okay?
Okay, now you ready?
You guys ready?
Go ahead, you can say it.
(Both granddaughters)
Make a wish!
I love it, thank you very much.
Okay, let's do it together
right now, let's go.
(blowing)
Good girl, good girl.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Did your wish come true?
(calm music)
(dreamlike music)