Brian and Charles (2022) Movie Script

(hammering)
(hammering continues)
BRIAN:
I was very low.

Things went a bit topsy-turvy
in my life, and...
I put my hand out, I struggled.
But, you know, I thought
to myself, "Come on, Brian.
Time to give yourself
a kick up the bottom."
(chuckles) "Get busy."
I just started making stuff.
Inventions, I guess.
Any little idea I had,
I just made.
You know, stuff I build
isn't for everyone,
but that's all right by me.
(chuckles)
Be nice to have an extra pair
of hands around here sometimes
to help out now and again,
but...
You know, bounce ideas off
and play darts, et cetera.
(laughs) But you can't have
everything, can you?
That's just greedy.

(birds chirping)
(sheep bleating)
This is my home.
Ploxgreen Cottage.
The front door.
The next door. (chuckles)
There we have it.
A kitchen.
That's a cabbage bin.
I have a bin
specifically for them,
'cause I eat a lot of cabbages.
This is my infamous
inventions pantry.
It's actually a cowshed.
Pine cone bag.
It's basically just a plain bag
with pine cones glued onto it.
Ping-pong, picky-pong,
ping-pong pie.
This is basically
a puzzle I came up with
and tried to sell to Selfridges.
A knife.
Eggs.
Green rope.
It's literally just a belt
that you can put eggs in.
It's an egg belt.
Anyone want any butter?
So, turn it on, and it'll suck
the air out the helmet.
(whirring)
(clattering)
(gasps)
Tea.
Is this interesting? (laughs)
(squeaking)
I sit here most nights
after a busy day
down the village or in the barn,
working in the barn,
and I have my dinner... here.
(birds chirping)
(engine buzzing)
-(engine stops)
-(groans)
(sighs)
So, this is my new project.
It's a cuckoo clock.
It's not your traditional idea
of a cuckoo clock.
I thought I'd do something
a bit different.
It's a flying cuckoo clock.
So, whenever anyone in the
village wants to know the time,
they can look up in the air,
and I'll be there...
flying around on it.
What time is it?
"There's Brian. Half 2:00.
There or thereabouts."
Never flown anything before,
so I'm a little bit nervous
about taking this little beauty
up into the blue, blue sky.
(laughing)
You don't try things,
you don't succeed, do you?
You just got to keep trying.
Right, the plan is, I'm gonna
head off down the lane,
and by the time I reach the end,
I should be hitting
90 miles an hour,
and then I take off
into the blue sky
and I head to Dummock's Hill.
I'm gonna have a spot to eat,
come back and have some tea.
6:00 p.m., I should imagine.
Wish me luck.
Come on.

-Get back! Get back!
-(horn honking)
It's on fire!
It's on fire! Get back!
It's on fire!
Get back!
Can you not hear me?
They don't always work,
but I tend to learn
from each thing that I build.
And I've got so much going on
up here-- ideas and whatnot--
that it doesn't actually
bother me.
On to the next one.
(bird cawing)

Lid's off one of these, June.
-JUNE: Oh, crikey.
-Yeah.
-Do you want to bring it here,
then? -Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Go stale, won't they?
-Yes, they will.
You can have it,
actually, if you like.
-No. No, no, no.
-Yes, definitely.
-All right.
-Go on, have it.
-Thank you.
-If you don't mind.
Well, a pot of Choccy Dunk Dunks
-and a NanaPop.
-(chuckles): Okay.
That'll be one pound exactly,
then, please.
-What, for both of them?
-Yep.
Oh.
Well, I'm not charging you
for this one.
Don't worry if
you haven't got any money.
-You can come anytime.
-I've definitely got...
-I've definitely got money.
-Have you?
-Yeah.
-That's all right.
You don't have to pay me, Brian.
-Come...
-Gotcha.
-Ah. Okay.
-Thanks, June.
-Lovely. Thank you very much.
-Oh.
-I'll put that in my pocket.
-Yeah.
-Careful it doesn't
all fall out. -Yeah.
See you, June.
-Brian?
-Yeah?
You've got something
caught on your feet.
Oh, no,
they're meant to be there.
-JUNE: Oh.
-BRIAN: Yeah, I made 'em.
They're trawler nets for shoes.
Oh. (chuckles)
-Oh.
-Bye.
-Bye, now.
-Bye-bye.
JUNE:
Bye.
(bell jingling)
("High Rollers" by Robby D
featuring Heli Sterner playing)
People dancin'...
BRIAN:
Fly-tippers.
These things are like
a treasure trove to me.
This is fun. That's not bad.
I could have some fun with that.
(panting):
I was once looking for metal
in one of these piles,
and, uh, I found
a metal detector.
(laughing)
(rummaging)

(sheep bleating)
(bleating)
Hello.
(bleating continues)
I'm building a robot.
I don't know why
I didn't think of it before.
Be very, very, very handy.
Strong.
Fast.
Agile.
Can help me lift things
around the house.
I just take inspiration
from stuff around me.
You know, anything,
absolutely anything.
That could be his ankle.
Hand.
I just look around me, and I g,
"What can I use?
What can I use?"
Belly button.
(sawing)
I've always wanted to build one.
It's always been a scratch
I've wanted to itch.
Scratch, scratch, scratch,
like Mr. Williams over there.
-(squeaking)
-(Brian laughs)
(blows) I mean, who wouldn't
want to build one, eh?
Who wouldn't want to build one?
Huh? What do they call it?
Artifici... artif... What is it?
DIRECTOR:
Artificial intelligence.
That's it.
Artificial intelligence.
-That's it. (chuckles)
-A.I.
-Huh?
-A.I.
-"Eh-ah"? What?
-A.I.
"Eh-ah"? A.I.!
-Artificial intelligence.
-Yeah.
Yeah, I know. (laughs)
(night bird calls)
(machinery whirring)
(power tool buzzing)
(birds chirping)
(footsteps approaching)
Doesn't look too bad, does he?
Not quite what I had
in mind, but...
I've learned building a robot
is much like making a cake.
You start off wanting
a Victoria sponge.
It comes out like a blancmange.
(laughs)
That's fine,
'cause I love blancmanges.
I wonder what he'll do
when I turn him on.
Huh.
Da-da!
(laughs)
I've never done that before.

(pieces clattering)
Well, his spleen's working.
(sighs)
Come on, then.
(breathing deeply)
-Activate.
-(switch clicks)
(soft electrical buzzing,
whirring)
-(whirring and buzzing stop)
-(breathing deeply)
(chuckles softly)
-(switch clicks)
-Activate.
Please. Come on.
Please, please, please.
-Activate.
-(switch clicks)
(sighing)
(chuckles softly)
(sighs)
(sighs)
Gave it a good go, didn't I?
Unfortunately, didn't work out.
(chuckles)
-That's life, innit?
-(dart thuds)
Huh? One door closes,
another door opens.
That's what I always say.
(chuckles)
And then that door closes
and another door opens.
And then that door closes
and another door opens.
And that-that door will
probably close at some point,
another one will hopefully open,
and then I imagine,
at some point along the line,
then that door will close,
and hopefully,
fingers crossed, another...
Basically, what I'm trying
to say is doors open and close,
and there's no getting away
from it. (laughing)
Come on, Brian.
Double 13. Here we go.
-(dart clanks)
-Ah, fiddlesticks.
(dart clatters on floor)
-Hi, Brian.
-Hi, Hazel.
What are you up to?
Shopping.
I'm just going to the chemist
to get some stuff for my mum.
Oh.
Yeah.
And then I'm gonna put
some rubbish on the bonfire.
-Oh. (mutters)
-(chuckles)
Something to do.
-(laughs): Yeah.
-(chuckles)
Think it's gonna be
a big one this year.
Yeah, it'll be
a big bonfire, yeah.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-Okay.
I've got to go
'cause I'm really late.
Oh, okay. Uh, nice to see you.
-Nice to see you, too.
-Bye.
-All the best.
-Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
(thunder crashes)
("She's My Lady" by
The Grooving Company playing)
-All the time
-Oh, you sexy mama
Love you, yes, I do
She's his honey
And his baby
-She's his...
-(engine and music stop)
-(thunder crashes)
-(sighs)
Did you see that?
(clattering)
Did you see that?
(thunder crashes)
(thunder booming)
(clattering)
(thunder rumbling)
(clattering continues)
-(switch clicks)
-(electrical buzzing)

(clattering)
(clattering)
-(clattering)
-(gasps)
(thunder rumbling)
-(clattering)
-(gasps)
(clattering continues)
Hey! Hey!
-(thunder crashes)
-(panting)
I am absolutely shaking
like a leaf.
(breathing heavily)
Put... the cabbage... down.
I said, "Put...
the cabbage... down."
Whoa, there! Whoa, there!
No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
No. No, no, no.
You're coming into the house.
-Yes.
-(thunder rumbling)
Get in.
In you go. In there.
You sit down.
You sit down. You sit down.
There, there.
Don't you move. Don't you move.
Don't you move.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't you move. Don't you move.
Stay there. Stay there.
Don't go anywhere.
Don't you move.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
You stay there.
You stay there. You stay there.
(breathing heavily)
It's all right. It's all right.
It's all right.
(whistling "Silent Night")
(stops whistling)
(panting)
This is incredibly overwhelming.
(birds chirping)
(snoring)
(snorts)
(grunting)
What?
No.
-(grunts)
-(whirring, rattling)
(gasps)
(exhales sharply)
(breathing shakily)
Good morning.
Good morning.
(breathing heavily)
You all right?
(robotic voice):
Plant pot.
What?
-What?
-Plant pot.
Plant pot.
Coffee table.
Door. Walls. Ceiling.
Television. Floorboards.
Clock. Cashew nuts. Pen.
Not sure. Picture frame.
Carpet. Curtains. Old potato.
Plugs. Shoes. Plant pot.
How do you know all this stuff?
You've read the dictionary?
Yes, I have.
When?
When you were snoozing.
You were snoozing,
and I was reading.
Alexandru.
I beg your pardon?
Your name is Alexandru.
No, my name's not Alexandru.
No, no, no, my name's Brian.
Brian.
-Brian.
-Brian, yeah.
-Brian.
-No, no, you're not Brian.
-No, no, no, no. No, I'm Brian.
-Brian.
Would you like me
to give you a name?
Huh?
Tony?
(gasps softly)
Ooh, he didn't like "Tony."
Tony the robot?
No? Clive?
No.
Huh?
Charles?
-Charles.
-Charles?
-Charles.
-Charles. Charles.
-Charles.
-Charles.
(laughs) Charles.
You like "Charles."
Charles Petrescu.
You want that name, do you?
Charles Petrescu?
All right, then.
I am Charles Petrescu.
Hello, Brian.
(whirring)

BRIAN:
Hello, Charles.
It's... lovely to meet you.
Wow.
I am your friend.
I'm your friend, too.

My heart's going
like the clappers.
CHARLES: I have gray hair
and round spectacles.
There are seven buttons
on my shirt.
I think what happened was
there were two wires
in Charles's head
that hadn't connected properly.
So, when I flicked the switch,
they hadn't connected properly.
And what I think happened
while I was out--
Mr. Williams, the mouse,
came along,
walked along one of the wires,
and the weight of Mr. Williams
seesawed the wire
onto the other wire,
and they connected.
(imitates electrical buzzing)
Fired it into life,
like a jump start.
(imitates electrical buzzing)
(chuckles)
Am I making sense?
Come on, then, you.
Watch my mother's
Turkish saucer.
-CHARLES: Staircase.
-BRIAN: Out we go.
-CHARLES: Bannister.
-Take your time. Don't rush.
-Aah! (chuckles)
-CHARLES: Walls.
BRIAN:
There's a good boy. That's it.
Oh, look at you.
-Now, Charles, this room...
-Kitchen.
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
-Basically, this is where...
-Is where you cook.
Yes. Yeah.
Right. Right, what I'll do is
-I'll put the, uh...
-Put the kettle on?
He's ahead of the game here,
isn't he?
Huh? This is marvelous.
Huh? You're a clever boy.
Look at that. Yeah? Cabbages.
You know what they are,
don't you?
A vegetable crop
with dense leaved heads.
Cabbage weights
will generally range
from 500 to 1,000 grams.
The most common are
smooth-leaved,
firm-headed green cabbages,
while smooth-leaved
purple cabbages
and crinkle-leaved
savoy cabbages
are considerably rarer.
The heaviest cabbage ever found
was 62.71 kilograms.
Under conditions
of long, sunny days,
such as those found...
I never thought I'd make
anything as amazing as Charles.
Uh, it's absolutely blown
my mind, to be honest with you.
-You built my body.
-I built his body.
I built his body.
It took 72 hours.
And my tummy
is a washing machine.
And his tummy's
a washing machine.
That's it.
Your tummy's a washing machine.
-Took me 72 hours.
-My name is Charles Petrescu.
Charles Petrescu.
That's your name, isn't it?
That's your name.
I thought, 24 hours ago,
I was gonna have to
crush you up and scrap you.
Did you know that?
-My name is Charles Petrescu.
-Yeah.
Already said that.
Yeah.
-And you built my body.
-And I built your body.
(chuckles) That's it. That's it.
That's it.
Anything else you want to say?
No.
-Yes.
-Yes.
Come on, then. Hold my hand.
Hold my hand.
Come on. Through here.
Everything is lovely.
You say that.
It's not all lovely.
It's a dangerous world
sometimes.
Dangerous: able or likely
to cause harm or injury.
Perilous.
Perilous. That's a good word.
Perilous. (chuckles)
-Can we go swimming, Brian?
-No, no, no, no.
One thing at a time.
One thing at a time.
Okay?
Does it all stop at the tree?
Beg your pardon?
How far does the outside go?
"How far does the outside go?"
What are you on about?
Does the outside stop
at the tree?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
it goes way beyond the tree.
Way beyond the tree.
There's a big old world
out there
that you don't know about.
A big, perilous world.
-(cawing, wings fluttering)
-CHARLES: Oh, my gosh.
-It's all right. It's okay.
-What was that?
It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
-Perilous. So very perilous.
-Just birds. Just birds.
Just crows.
Huh? All right.
Where are they going, Brian?
Don't know. Probably getting
some worms or something.
Can birds do what they like?
Can birds do what they like?
I don't know.
Yeah, I imagine so.
Yeah.
Right.
-Let's get you indoors.
-No, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes, yes. Come on.
-Let's get you indoors.
-No.
Come on.
I'll boil you some cabbages.
-Ooh, cabbages.
-Yeah, cabbages.
-(Brian chuckling)
-Yes, please.
BRIAN:
Yes, please!
BRIAN: No.
It's best if no one sees him.
Keep him here.
Simpler that way.
If I took him into town,
you know, Christ knows
what would happen.
People would be queuing
round the block
to have a chat with him.
And there's lots
of rough people there, so...
There's one family
in particular, the Tommingtons.
They're a handful.
Bloody hard work.
Come on!
BRIAN:
Eddie in particular.
Bloody nightmare.
He's known for stealing stuff.
He took my red one of these.
(sighs)
If he ever heard
about Charles...
So it's probably easier
if I just keep Charles here.
Otherwise...
Eddie.
What the cock's that?
Down here.
-Hey!
-(dog barking)

-(Charles grunts)
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
-Hey, hey, hey, hey.
-I'm not so sure about this.
Hey, hey. Let's have a look
at your eyebrows.
CHARLES:
I'm a little apprehensive.
BRIAN:
All right. Okay.
Uh... bit tufty.
-Tufty?
-Tufty-wufty eyebrows.
-Tufty-wufty.
-Ah.
We'll get them trimmed up.
Now, relax. Only scissors.
-Danger, danger.
-Only scissors.
There we go.
CHARLIE:
Ouchy-wouchy.
-There's a good boy.
-Eek.
Now, I normally sleep for
about four to five hours, okay?
But you might hear me
walking around on the landing,
but that's just me
going to the toilet, okay?
-Wee-wees.
-Wee-wees. That's it.
That's it.
Right, then.
Good night, Charles.
-Good night.
-Good night, Brian.
Sweet dreams.
Sweet dreams, yourself.
Good night.
CHARLES:
Wishing you the best of nights.
BRIAN:
Good night.
Charles, can you turn
your blue eye light off, please?
-Charles?
-Yes.
BRIAN: Can you turn
your blue eye light off, please?
CHARLES:
I can't turn it off. Thank you.
BRIAN:
Really?
I can't turn
my blue eye light off.
BRIAN:
Oh.
Okay.

-CHARLES: I am sleeping.
-(night bird calling)
I am sleeping.
I am sleeping.
-(birds chirping)
-(sheep bleating)
Draw, draw, draw.
I like to draw.
Right, I'm just heading into
the village for a bit, okay?
-Can I come, please?
-No, not this time.
You stay here, all right?
I want to go out, please.
No, you can't, okay?
Could I just have a little walk
around the garden?
Charles, no.
Can you hear me? No.
Okay, cool, but I just left
something in the garden,
so I may just go
and get that from the garden.
You're being cheeky.
I know the games you're playing.
And it's a no.
Okay?
I won't be long.
All right?
(doorbell rings)
There she is. There's Winnie.
You all right?
Yeah, I'm waiting for you
to open the door.
Stand by the door.
She wants me to wait...
go into the door and...
WINNIE:
It's no good standing there.
-Go by the door.
-Huh? What are you saying?
It's no good standing by there.
Yeah, I'm waiting for you to...
She's waiting...
I'm gonna open...
I'll knock on the door.
WINNIE:
It won't take long, will it?
BRIAN:
Ah. In and out like a ferret.
I don't want these lights
burning all night.
-(bird squawking)
-HAZEL: Come on, Chewy.
Eat your nuts. Come on.
-BRIAN: Hi, Hazel.
-Good bo...
Oh, hello, Brian.
Just feeding Chewy.
WINNIE: He doesn't want
to hear about that, Hazel.
He's got a job to do.
BRIAN: Yeah, I'll-I'll just
get on with it, then.
Good boy.
(objects rattling)
Right.
They live to 101.
-Do they?
-Yeah.
I'll be happy to reach my 60s.
(chuckling)
(chuckles)
(objects rattling)
What's that?
What, that?
It's a...
plunger refreshment bottle.
Basically, you flip it
and you sip it.
It's peach and pear cordial.
(Chewy whistles, squawks)
-BRIAN: Oh, he likes it.
-(laughing)
-Do you want some?
-No, thanks.
-No.
-(Chewy squawks)
Hello. Who's there?
(laughing):
Chewy.
-CHEWY: Whatever.
-"Whatever." Who's that?
-Who's a sexy boy, then?
-WINNIE: Right, that's enough.
Go and tidy the shoes
on the shoe mat, please, Hazel.
Thank you.
(sighs)
Oh, there's an onion in here.
Right, that's me, then.
HAZEL:
Bye, Brian.
Bye, Hazel.
CHEWY:
Goodbye, Brian.
See you, mate.

-(truck pulls in)
-(brakes squeak)
(truck door opens, closes)
I'm home!
-CHARLES: Brian. Brian Gittins.
-Oh!
-Brian.
-(laughing)
Brian has come back.
-Calm down, boy. (laughs)
-Brian has come back.
BRIAN:
I've got you some cabbages.
Bloody hell.
Who made this mess? Was it you?
CHARLES:
No.
BRIAN:
Well, someone's been in my bin.
-It was you, wasn't it?
-Yes.
I'm sorry for looking
in your bin.
I guess it doesn't matter.
(chuckles)
You little rascal.
(laughs) Look at you.
He's so happy.
Little scratch under the ear.
CHARLES:
Scratchy, scratchy.
BRIAN:
Hello, mate. You all right?
-What's that?
-Look what I've done.
Look. Look.
He's drawn a picture
of me and him.
Look.
There's me. There's him.
-A cabbage.
-CHARLES: Cabbage.
-Thank you very much.
-Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
Got all the time in the world.
You're a great player.
You've just got to start
believing that.
Okay.
Over to you.
-(whirring)
-(dart thuds loudly)
Bull's-eye! (laughs)
There we go. Well played.
-Winner.
-Winner! (laughs)
-Me winner.
-Winner!
-(Brian laughing) -I am
the prince of the dartboard.
Winner, winner, winner,
winner, winner. Well played.
You're superb.
You're really good at darts.
("Don't Leave Me This Way"
by The Communards playing)
Don't leave me this way
I can't survive...
BRIAN: We're just boiling
cabbages and chilling out.
-Aren't we?
-Can I have some now, please?
No, no, no, no.
You wait for din-dons.
(chuckling):
So impatient.
(laughing)
I can't exist
I will surely miss
your tender kiss...
BRIAN:
What are you doing?
Are you dancing?
Are you dancing for me?
-Ah, baby...
-(laughing)
That's nice. That's nice.
Oh, look at those hips.
Look at those hips.
-CHARLES: Watch me go.
-(laughing)
BRIAN:
Quick feet.
Now can't you see
it's burning out of control?
That's su...
Oh, he's on the pink step.
(laughing):
What are you doing up there?
Are you gonna dance
on the pink step?
Dance for Brian?
Dance for Brian!
Come on, dance.
Hey... Whoa!
Charles! Charles, are you okay?
I fell off the pink step,
and I had an accident.
You have had an accident.
(grunting):
Let me get you up.
Oh, dear.
You need to be more careful.
(doorbell rings)
Ah, baby
My heart is full of love
and desire for you...
-(switch clicks)
-(music stops)
(doorbell rings)
Bing-bong.
Don't say "bing-bong." Shh.
-(doorbell rings)
-Bing-bong, bing-bong.
Stop saying
"bing-bong, bing-bong."
-(knocking at door)
-Knockety-knock-knock.
Charles, please,
please, nothing, okay?
Do not make a peep.
-Bing-bong, knock, knock,
knock, knock... -Charles!
-(muffled babbling)
-That is the exact opposite
of not making a peep.
Okay?
Nothing.
Do you hear me?
PHIL (outside):
Mr. Gittins?
BRIAN:
Go through. Go through there.
Go through there.
Okay? Go through there.
(panting)
-Hello.
-PHIL: Mr. Gittins.
-Yeah.
-I've come to read your meter.
Oh, all right.
Can I come in?
I need to take a reading.
It's not... Uh, no.
It's not the greatest time.
I mean, we did
send you a letter.
-Did you?
-Yeah.
Oh.
It's in your best interest
to let me take a reading.
Otherwise,
you could face a charge.
-Can I come in?
-You're not giving up, are you?
(laughs)
I mean, you want to do it now?
Yes, please.
Just, uh, had an accident.
-Just down there, innit?
-Yeah, it's just under there.
-Um...
-It's a lot higher than normal.
Have you been using
more power recently?
What?
Have you been using
more power recently?
-Who is?
-Well, have you been?
'Cause it's a lot higher.
Just wondering.
Uh...
I'm using this quite a lot,
this thing.
-It's a bit, you know...
-(whirring)
Turbo cup scrubber. (whistles)
-All right, I'm gonna...
-Okay?
-That's all it... Yeah.
-Okay.
-Thank you very much...
-It's pretty good. It works.
-...for the reading.
-Is that it?
-Yeah, th-that's it, thanks.
-Okay.
Thank you very much.
-What's that, then?
-What?
PHIL:
That.
BRIAN:
Uh...
That is a washing machine
in a big man's shirt.
(chuckles) Don't ask.
(chuckling)
Yes.
-It's nice, isn't it?
-It's all right, yeah.
-Thanks very much.
-You're done. You're done.
-You're on your way.
-Yeah.
-BRIAN: Over the pink step.
-Yeah.
BRIAN: Say hello to the girls
and guys at Wales Electric.
-Best regards.
-Yeah.
Bye.
PHIL:
See ya.
Charles. You tricked him.
(laughing):
You tricked him.
I am a clever boy for hiding.
-You are a clever boy
for hiding. -I am.
(laughing):
You are.
You have a dance.
You have a dance.
-Clever boy dance time.
-(laughing)
Hiding champion.
-Watch me move.
-This is lovely.
("Happy Together"
by The Turtles playing)
I'm gonna get your feet.
(laughing):
I'm gonna get your feet.
-I do
-(laughing)
I think about you
day and night...
Charles, I'm making
some eggy bread and cabbages.
-Do you want some?
-Yes, please.
Hi-ya!
(chuckles) Hi-ya!
So happy together...
Please, Brian,
I am stuck in a loop.
Please, Brian, I am stuck
in a loop.
-Attack. Attack.
-BRIAN: No, no.
-Attack.
-No, no. No, no.
-Attack. Attack.
-No, you don't.
No, you don't.
You cook a lovely sausage.
You are so very welcome.
I can't see me lovin'
nobody but you
For all my life...
What you doing?
What are you doing?
That's weed killer!
That's weed killer!
For all my life
Me and you...
CHARLES: Did you put
this fence up, Brian?
BRIAN:
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
CHARLES:
How did you learn how to do it?
BRIAN:
My dad.
-CHARLES: Dad?
-Yeah. Dad.
CHARLES:
What else did he teach you?
BRIAN:
Oh, blimey.
Uh, loads of things.
CHARLES: Can you teach me
loads of things, too?
BRIAN:
Yeah, course I can.
CHARLES: Can you teach me
how to water-ski?
BRIAN:
What?
CHARLES: I read about it
in a sports magazine.
BRIAN:
What sports magazine?
(music plays softly over TV)
BRIAN:
Grub's up. There you go.
-Grub's... Grub's up.
-Grub's up.
There you go.
Nice, big cabbage.
(Brian sighs)
You watching telly?
CHARLES:
Telly.
Plural noun: tellies.
Another term for television.
Example: There has been
a cowboy film on telly.
(laughing):
There's been a cowboy...
I've got to say,
I'm enjoying this magic moment.
Good. I'm glad you are.
I've done you some
sponge fingers for afterwards.
Yumsville.
But first, a destination
that for years
has been synonymous
with exotic travel.
Honolulu in Hawaii.
Now, there is so much to do
in Honolulu.
Everything from snorkeling to...
Where is that, please?
(over TV): ...horseback riding
to helicopter tours,
it really is the perfect place
for sun, sea, adventure,
thrills and spills.
-Where, Brian?
-BRIAN: Honolulu.
Put your head down
while you have your dinner.
(over TV):
In tropical Honolulu...
What is it called again, please?
Honolulu.
-Hunna-loy-loy.
-(chuckles): No.
Honolulu.
-Honey-lay-lay.
-(Brian laughs)
BRIAN:
It's Honolulu.
CHARLES:
Hono-loop-loop.
(Hawaiian music playing)
What are you doing?
Let's go there, Brian.
It's hotter than here,
and it looks wonderful.
Will you sit down, please?
CHARLES:
I want to go to Hono-la-la.
Not now, you don't.
You're having your dinner.
Horses and helicopters, please.
You sit down
and have your dinner.
-No.
-I beg your pardon?
-I don't want to sit down.
-Charles.
I want to go to Honol.
Can we park
this Honolulu chatter, please,
and sit down and eat our dinner?
(laughs)
(over TV):
So come along and experience...
CHARLES:
Okay.
Bossy boots.
Let's see what's on
the other side.
-(over TV): Best wishes...
-(changes channel)
HOST (over TV):
...one and only Gary Barlow!
-Oh, I like him.
-(cheering over TV)
(thunder rumbling)
(door opens, bell jingles)
-(thunder rumbling)
-(slow, heavy footsteps)
(door closes)
EDDIE: Packet of Ringwald's
Gold, will you, please, June?
JUNE:
8.90, please.
And a cherry and almond
nougat bar.
I see the bonfire's
coming along.
It's a big one this year.
The...?
JUNE:
Sorry?
The bonfire?
My bonfire, June.
JUNE: Well, I didn't mean
anything by that.
I'm in charge of
the bonfires round here.
-Sorry.
-Yeah.
That's nine pound, uh, 60,
I think, Eddie.
Or, uh, shall I just
put it on your slate?
Yeah.
Yeah, I reckon
you should do that.
(objects clattering)
(thunder rumbling)
What you doing over there?
Browsing around. Browsing.
-Browsing, is it?
-Yeah.
Is there much to browse
in here, is there?
Yeah. This shelf isn't bad.
Sneaking around, uh, with
his little table tennis bat.
Were you playing table tennis
on your own again?
(chuckles)
No.
Browsing Away Brian.
Brian the Browser.
That's what they call him.
Well, they used to call him
other things, didn't they?
(laughs)
There you are.
-Whoops.
-(June gasps)
You should probably pick
those up for June, I reckon.
BRIAN:
Yeah, I will do.
(door opens, bell jingles)
JUNE: You don't
have to do that, Brian.
Oh, it's all right.
(birds chirping)
(door closes)
BRIAN (singsongy):
Charles.
I've got a pressie for you.
(chuckles)
Charles?
Charles, are you up there?
I've got a present.
(TV playing indistinctly
in distance)
Charles?
(wind howling)
Charles!
Charles!
Charles!
-CHARLES: Oh, no.
-You stop now.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
I am going to Hanali-alu-lu.
Don't be silly,
going to Honolulu.
Honestly, what are you wearing?
It's my Hawaiian hula skirt.
Oh, you're being daft.
You're being daft.
You're soaking.
Look at my best brown shoes.
I am going to Hono-loop-loop.
No, no, you're not going
to Hono-loop-loop.
-You're coming with me.
-Let go, man.
-Don't pull me.
-I want to go to Hono-loop-loop.
No, you're not going, Charles.
Come with me.
You live with me in the cottage.
-But I want to go.
-Honestly.
Why won't you let me go, Brian?
I want to dance on the beach.
It's miles away.
I know. That's why I want to go.
You'd miss me, wouldn't you?

(sheep bleating)
(muffled rock music playing)
(rock music blaring in distance)
What is going on up there?
He said to me last night
he wanted to get a taxi to town,
hang out by the shops.
It's like he's changed
overnight.
(thumping)
(rock music continues)
I can't just let him go off
on his own, can I?
(rock music continues
in distance)
Cold night tonight, innit?
(chuckles)
(birds chirping)
BRIAN:
Charles?
Wakey-wakey.
Charles?
Oi. Wake up.
Wake up.
Huh? Come on.
CHARLES:
What do you want now?
Don't talk to me like that.
(chuckles)
I just wondered if you wanted
to go into the village.
Who with?
With me.
You said I wasn't allowed,
Brian.
Yeah, well, I've changed
my mind just this once.
I'll walk in and meet you there.
You will not walk in
and meet me there.
You'll come with me
in the truck,
or you won't go at all.
-Whatever.
-Don't say "whatever."
CHARLES:
What...
...ever.
(sighs)
BRIAN: What you doing?
Why are you wearing that?
I feel pretty cool.
Not in my old curtains,
you don't.
Put something else on. Hoopla!
CHARLES:
Spoilsport.
How's he done that?
Okay.
Come on, then.
Are we going to the shops,
Brian?
Yes, we are going to the shops.
Now, do as you're told, okay?
There are some things
that I need.
Things you need?
I'd like a map of the world
for my wall.
Right, okay.
Well, maybe not today,
'cause I've got stuff to do,
but...
And some soap.
-Soap?
-And some cotton socks.
Cotton socks?
And I want to sit
in the front, Brian.
No, you're not sitting
in the front.
You're sitting in the back.
You're not old enough.
I want to go
in the front, Brian.
You're not old enough
to go in the front.
I want you in the back.
-Front.
-Not front.
I will sit in the front, Brian.
You will not sit in the front.
You'll sit in the back.
Maybe I could drive
and you could walk, Brian.
You have got a very,
very cheeky brain,
and I don't like it.
I don't know
what's got into you.
It's the same blue eye
but a different attitude.
A very, very cheeky robot.
Cheeky?
Cheeky, yes.
-Cheeky bot.
-Cheeky bot?
Cheeky bot sit
in the front, Brian.
Stop saying "front."
Front, front, front,
front, front,
front, front,
front, front, front.
-Are we there yet?
-No.
If you're good,
I'll take you to the lake.
-CHARLES: Lake?
-Yes.
I need to quickly stop
at the shop, okay?
-I'll come as well
and say hello. -No, you won't.
You've got to stay in the truck
and keep your head down.
Can we go to
the swimming pool, Brian?
BRIAN: Swimming pool?
There is no swimming pool.
CHARLES:
Can we go to the airport?
BRIAN:
There is no airport.
CHARLES:
Can we go to the zoo, Brian?
BRIAN:
There is no zoo.
There's a kennels.
That's just dogs.
-CHARLES: Dogs?
-Yes, dogs.
Right.
I won't be long, okay?
(whispers):
Don't do anything. Right?
(sheep bleating)
Hello.
I am Charles Petrescu.
Who are you, please?
H-Hazel.
Well, it's very nice
to meet you, Hazel.
What, uh... (chuckles softly)
What are you?
I am Charles Petrescu.
Do you live in the fields
with the sheep?
No, I live in the village
with my mum and a parrot.
Parrot: an exotic jungle bird
known for its flamboyant colors.
Characteristic features include
a strong, curved bill.
HAZEL: Yes, he's green,
and he's got red shoul...
CHARLES: Did you know
the most important components
of most parrots' diets
are seeds?
Please don't tell anyone.
-Please.
-I-I won't. I won't.
What is he?
A robot.
CHARLES:
I am Charles Petrescu.
HAZEL:
Did you build him, Brian?
Yeah.
CHARLES: We're going
to the lake for a walk.
Oh, I-I'm... I'm sorry.
-I didn't mean to...
-BRIAN: No, no, no, no.
I'm sorry.
No, we're-we're just going...
we were just going for
a mooch about. Charles.
Is Hazel coming?
(laughs)
No.
CHARLES: You should ask her
to come to the lake.
Very busy.
CHARLES: She doesn't look
like she is busy.
She'll want to come to the lake.
Uh...
Do you want to? (chuckles)
Do you want to come?
Well, is that all right?
(birds chirping)
HAZEL: How did you know
how to build him?
I wouldn't know where to start.
Don't know.
Just start at the beginning
and use your imagination,
I suppose.
(Hazel chuckles)
CHARLES: Would you like a game
of "kick the stone," Brian?
BRIAN: No, no, no,
I'm talking to Hazel now, okay?
All right?
CHARLES:
Oh.
-Sorry.
-(chuckles)
HAZEL:
It's so nice to be out.
I hardly ever see you
around town.
I'm-I'm quite busy.
Yeah. Busy bee.
Busy bee. Busy beaver.
-(laughing)
-Busy beaver.
Brian.
Charles, don't put your...
Sorry.
Charles, don't put your feet
in the water.
CHARLES:
I want to swim across the lake
and check out the other side.
BRIAN: Don't be ridiculous,
swim across the lake.
-You'd sink.
-I would not.
BRIAN:
You can't go for a swim.
We're going for walkie-walkies.
CHARLES:
You and Hazel can do your thing,
-and I'll do my thing.
-No. Come on.
CHARLES:
It's not fair.
BRIAN: Life's not fair.
Now, over here. Come on.
Hoopla!
Come on. (whistles)
-Sorry.
-(Hazel chuckling)
His toes get all wet and...
I can't believe you made him.
You should show him to people.
Why not?
Uh...
Well, I'm impressed.
Thanks.
Thanks for inviting me.
-That's all right.
-(Hazel chuckles)
You should come here more often.
Think I will. (laughs)

Right. Home.
(sighs)
-All right?
-I better go.
Yeah. Better go.
-Bye, Charles.
-CHARLES: Yeah.
-Bye.
-Yeah.
Hazel?
Can I have a word?
Uh, I hope I'm not
overstepping the mark here,
but you know what I said to you
about the... at the lake,
about maybe you should
come here more often?
Well, wh-what I wanted
to say was...
And I didn't say it.
I should have said it.
Typical me. (chuckles)
What I wanted to say was
maybe we should
come here more often?
We? Uh...
Not here. The lake.
Okay.
-Ooh.
-Bye.
Bye.

(sighs)