Broad Trip (2026) Movie Script
1
Sometimes I talk out loud
When there's no
one else around
Excuse me.
Are you Alice Anderson?
DaughterofJeanieAnderson?
Yeah.Imean,yes,that'sme.
I'm actually supposed
to be picking her up right now.
It's kind of our thing,
family tradition, you know.
I pick her up when she travels
and she picks me up when...
Miss.
Is she in trouble?
- I'd say so.
Did she fly with an illegal animal again?
No.
- Did she threaten to start a dance party
intheaislesofthe
planeifshegotcutoff?
Because normally she is joking.
- No.
Please tell me she didn't
hook up with a pilot again.
I can't... I can't have her
banned from another airline.
WOMAN ON OVERHEAD:
We are now boarding Delta...
Follow me, please.
- What?
Mom, are you okay?
What happened?
Whathappenedis...
I'mengaged!
Woo!
Oh my god.
- MOM: Woo!
You guys really commit to a prank.
Ohhoney,it'snoprank.
Thisistherealdeal.
Areyoubeingseriousrightnow?
Youwereonlygoneforsixdays.
Shewasonlygoneforsixdays.
I know. But when
you know, you know.
You know.
- No!
Ma...
Honey, I can't wait
for you to meet Wayne.
He's actually flying in tomorrow.
Isalcoholevenallowedinhere?
Oh,notatall.
I confiscated it from
a guy earlier this morning.
[laughs]
Youdon'twanttoknowwhere.
[gags]
To your mom!
- Yay!
Cheers!
- Cheers!
Woo!
But you're the one to blame
Cause now that
they're not together
I finally feel okay
ALICE:Ijustdon'tunderstand.
You were in Sedona for less than a week
and now you're
engaged to some random guy?
Oh,Wayneisn'trandom.
Ugh... Okay.
What'shislastname?
Um...Appleby?
No.Appleton?
Granny Smith.
- Mom...
It'ssomething todowithapples,but...
but that's not important.
I know the important things.
He'skindandfunny.
He'sagreatcook.
Do you know that you can make a
lasagna from hot dogs and mustard?
Gross.
Mom.
Pleaselistentome.
I'mworriedaboutyou.
You've just fallen in love
so many times and it never...
Oh,honey,thisisdifferent.
Justkeepanopenmind.
Wayne's gonna be here tomorrow
and you're gonna love him.
Fuji!WayneFuji!
Iknewithadtodowithapples.
Iwassoclose.
[music]
Bagel Bar!
Alice, you're the best.
Well, I have to make
work a little fun for my team.
Igotyouglutenfree.
You're so good to us.
Thank you, HR Mommy.
Pleasedon'tcallmeMommy.
We were bummed you couldn't
make it to karaoke last night.
Mm-hmm.
- I think I made Beyonc proud.
Well,eventhoughpublic
singingismynumberone
stress dream, I was sad to miss it.
ButIhadtopickmymom
upattheairport,so...
Oh! Jeanie's back from the
retreat thingy. Was it good?
Yeah! She got engaged to a guy
she met there, so that's fun.
Anyway...
- Wait, wait.
Jeaniegotengaged?
Yes,shedid.
But, point being, I need to tell
you about our new PTO policy.
Um...
More.
- That's insane.
Alice'smomisnextlevel.
Tell him about the time that your mom was
a groupie for Nickelback and pulled you
out of high school for a
month to go on tour with them.
Anyway...
- Let's get back to the engagement.
Haveyoumetthisguyyet?
No, he's flying in tonight, so
I have to spend my lunch break
looking him up online and maybe
running a background check.
Or...Justathought...
maybe we could look him up right now.
[Sandeepgasps]
Okay,onlyifwecounted
asteambuilding.
Yes!
- Yes!
Goteam!
[scoffs]ltsayshis lastjobwasrentingfog
machinestostripclubs.
Huh.
I wouldn't even think that
was a gig, because the whole
point would be to see the
women, but what do I know?
He can't be as bad
as he looks online, right?
He's wearing a t-shirt that says,
"I own two pythons,
and one's in my pants."
No...No...No.
She'snotmarryingthisman!
So...
I've been thinking...
- You want bangs?
Honey,I'msorry.
I don't think you have
the forehead for them.
No.I...What?
I've been thinking about you and Wayne.
I... I wanted to talk to
you before he got here.
Mom, you know I love you
andIwant youtobehappy,
but I'm worried you're
moving a little fast here.
That retreat was supposed
to be about working
through your grief, not boning some guy
showing off his snake tattoos online.
Didyoulookhimup?
Withanopenmind?
Butyes!
Okay.
First of all, he only
has one snake tattoo,
and it all connects on
his cute little butt cheek.
Okay.
- And... Second of all,
Ididwork throughmygrief.
I only cried over Queenie
once, the whole trip.
Theyservednutsontheplane.
You know how she felt about squirrels.
Well,hey!
There'smywoman!
Oh!
- Baby, baby, come over here!
[kissingloudly]
[Waynelaughs]
Alice, this is Wayne, my fiance.
Alice.
- Hi. Oh.
Hey. Now, listen.
- Hi.
I know you're a grown woman, but
I want to tell you something.
I intend to be the world's best dad,
and I want to get a mug to prove it.
She's a cutie pie.
You're a cutie pie.
This is so exciting for my
two favorite people to meet.
Yeah. Um, say, Wayne.
- Huh?
Could you ask our waiter for
some more, um, uh, napkins?
Napkins? Sure, can do.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
- Hold my bowie for me.
Willyou,beanie?
[loudkissing]
That's sweet.
That's sweet sugar.
[laughs]
Ohh...
Woo!
Youcannotmarrythatguy.
This is the start
of an episode of "Dateline."
Oh,myGod.lt'sheavy.No!
You know, I was worried
you would do this.
Start judging him for his looks and
his education and his hepatitis.
Hiswhat?
Mom,youarerushingintothis.
Mm.lfyousayso.
Youarenotbeingrational.
Loveisn'trational.
Oh, but I forgot...
you don't believe in romance.
Oh,Ibelieveinromance.
I just prefer to be
in control of my life.
Notlostinsome pheromone-inducedmania.
I am not like you.
- Oh, you're exactly like me.
I raised two beautiful daughters.
YouandQueenieare exactlylikeme.
Stopcomparingmetoyourdog.
It's a compliment.
- It's not!
Hey...ladies.
Now, I could not track down the waiter
andgetthosenapkins,
butgotsomethingbetter.
Boom![laughs]
Use as much as you want.
We can wipe our hands with it.
Thankyou.
And again, if you ever want me to
set you up with someone, let me know.
Oh, thank you.
But no, thank you.
I don't have time to date right now.
- Alice, come on.
I mean, don't you want to meet
a mega nerd like yourself?
Letyourlittlefreakflagfly?
Myfreakflagisdoingjustfine
instoragerightnow,thankyou.
Is it?
- I don't have time.
I'm working overtime to try to get
this director of human resources job.
And now, I have to deal with my
mother's train wreck of an engagement?
No.
Is he really as bad as we thought?
He'sworse.
She'ssoblindedbylove.
She can't see the parade of red
flags he's laid out for her.
And when this relationship
inevitably ends like they always do,
in six to eight months, she will
be devastated and hysterical.
And who will have to pick up the pieces?
Me.
Itneverworks.
Imean,comeon.
She doesn't even know who my dad is.
Arewereallysurprised?
[music]
[sighs]
[music]
JEANIE:Woo!
Woo!
Oh,hi!
You mowing the lawn
or going to winter formal?
Ihitoneofmygnomes.
Ohwell.
[musicfadesout]
Thankyouforcomingover.
OhmyGod.
Oh,Iknow.
Doesn'tQueenielookbeautiful?
Shereallydoes.
I hired the same photographer
who did your senior portrait.
Nothing but the best
for my two daughters.
Mom, for the last time, your human
daughter is not the same as a dog.
I asked you here because I want
you to know I heard your concerns.
Really?
- Mm-hmm.
WayneandIagreed.
Planning a wedding is just too much work.
Andweddingscostafortune.
That'strue.
Thatissoresponsible.
Yes, so we're going to
Elope in Buffalo next Saturday.
What?
You want to get married next weekend?
Mm-hmm.
And...
Alice, I have a very
important question to ask you.
[nervous]Uh-huh.
Willyoubemymaidofhonor?
Oh...You'remaidofhonor....
Mom,I'msotouched,obviously.
And I really would like
to say yes, but I...
Yes! Oh, I'm so glad we got that
sorted because I have so much to do.
Ihavetogoshoeshopping.
Ihavetogodressshopping.
I have to pack up this entire house.
Packupthehouse?
Didn't I tell you I'm selling the house?
You'resellingthehouse?
Wayne says we need seed
money for the new business.
What business?
- Oh, that's still in beta.
Holdon!
You are saying that you
want to sell our house,
thesiteofallofourmemories,
to give cash to a guy you just met
for a business that doesn't exist yet?
No,no,no,no,no,no,no.
I'mnotgoingtogiveittohim.
Thenitwouldbetaxed.
Oh,myGod.
No, we're going to wait till
we're married and combine assets.
It's the least I can
do to support his dream
becausehe'smovinghereforme.
Look what the cat
dragged in. [Laughs]
JEANIE: Whoa!
WAYNE: Me!
You, baby.
- Thank you for your credit card.
You betcha, honey.
- And I got something for you.
Oh, my god.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm leaving.
I'm going to work.
WAYNE: Come on, baby.
Let's dance.
Let's dance.
- I'm going.
Oh, bye, honey.
- Oh, bye, baby, baby, baby.
[music]
[typing]
[typingviolently]
Hey, hon.
- Hm?
So you sent a company-wide email
with zero exclamation marks,
and I'm wondering if you're okay.
My mom wants to marry
Python Pants next week.
Next week?
- Next week.
AndIcan'tletithappen.
Oh, he's really that bad.
- He's awful.
He's making her sell her house to steal
all her money, to start some business.
He's just... He's got his
claws in her deep, you know?
Ew.
- Ew.
Damn.RedFlagCity.
Mm-hmm.
But your mom is a grown-ass
woman, and she'll just
havetolivewiththe
decisionsthatshemakes.
Mymomismentallyateenager.
She can't...
[gasps]
You're right.
- Yeah. Why?
Herdecisions.
I have to make her think it's her
decision to call things off with him.
Yeah.
Butwhatismymom
morethananythingelse?
Horny.
Fair.
Whatelse?
Self-centered.
Yes.
She's been talking about her next chapter
of life for years, so I just have to make
herseeallthepaths shewon'tbeable
to take in her next
chapter if she's with Wayne.
Mm-hmm. Are you sure that this is
the path that you want to take?
Because you've been working so
hard to get your promotion, and...
If I could do this at literally
any other time, I would
but if this man breaks her
heart and steals her nest egg,
I fear she will never recover,
and I have to protect her.
Sothat'swhatI'mgonnado.
[music]
Hi.
- Hi.
Whatareyoudoinghere?
I was just getting in the bath.
Do you want to come in?
Uh, no.
- I've had a bath today, thanks.
I tried calling,
but your voicemail's full.
Oh.
- I have an idea.
What if, instead of flying to Buffalo,
wedrivetoBuffalotogether?
Likearoadtrip?
Abacheloretteroadtrip?
Yeah.I'llplanallthestops.
Wait,butwhataboutyourjob?
Younevertaketimeoff.
I can bring my laptop
and work on the road.
I'vealreadytold Laineytocallme
if there's anything
I absolutely have to handle
because how often does
my mom get married?
[Jeaniegiggles]
Well, I'm pretty sure ceremonies
in Belize don't count in the U.S.
Okay. I'm gonna choose
not to unpack that right now.
I know Wayne might feel a little weird
about being left in a new city all alone.
Oh,no,no,no.
He's so busy scouting
locations for the new business.
Ilovehowindependentheis.
Mm-hmm.
- I'm just gonna tell him
tomeetusinBuffalobeforethe
wedding,anditwillbejustus.
Great!
A mother-daughter
bachelorette party road trip.
Yes.
- We'll leave tomorrow?
Yes.Oh,I'msoexcited.
I love you. [Squeals]
- I love you too, Mom.
I... I just want you
to be so, so happy.
Youknowthat,right?
WAYNE: Jeanie, come back!
Our bubble bath's almost done bubbling.
I gotta go.
I'm so happy.
Love you, honey.
- Okay. See you tomorrow.
[music]
[sighs]
Herewego.
Ta-da!
I just got us a serious
upgrade for next to nothing.
You'rewelcome.
Butwhataboutthetrunkspace?
And what is next to
nothing for a rental car cost?
Don'tworryaboutit.
I'msellingmyhouse.
I'mabouttobeflushwithcash.
Really?
Oh,wait,wait,
wait.Becareful.
Queenie'sinthere.
Youbroughtherremains?
I would never travel without her.
Ifyouweredead,
I'dbringyoualong,too.
Don'teverdothat.
Youcouldn'tstopme.
You'dbedead.
Mom.
We need a picture before we hit the road.
Yeah.
- Okay.
One,two,three.
[shutterclicks]
Andoffwego.
["Proud" by Jason Tarver, Hugo
Russo] I have lived a lonely life
Ooh!Mom?
Yeah?
- Do you have a hair tie?
Oh...holdon.
Okay.
Let me...
- Oh!
Looking through the night
Looking for a light
Ah!
- How's that?
Great,actually.
Somewhere lost at sea
A feather on the breeze
JEANIE: Breeze...
Oh,Ilovethissong!
Carry me away
JEANIE: Away...
Oh,comeon...dancewithme.
Mom, I'm driving.
Ten and two.
Oh,comeon.
Okay...
You keep me strong
Woo!
You give me hope
You...
[gagging]
You make me proud
Oh,IthinkIswallowedabug!
[music]
[Jeanie coughs]
ALICE: Ew.
This would not have happened if you
hadn't insisted on getting a convertible.
Oh,honey,it'sjustafewbugs.
It'snobigdeal.
[Jeanielaughs]
[gasps]Oh,no.
What's wrong?
- I know him.
That guy over there by the brown van.
- Oh...
Ex-boyfriend?
- No!
He's just an annoying
kid I went to high school with.
WesleyDarvin.
[cardoorshuts]
JEANIE:Mm...
Hey, Wesley!
- [gasps] Mom, no!
Yoo-hoo!
ALICE: Stop!
Uh,hi.DoIknowyou?
I'mAliceAnderson'smom.
Sheactuallywanted tosayhitoyou.
She'srightoverhere.
Alice?
Oh,theresheis.
AliceAnderson?
It'sbeenawhile.
Hey.
- Hey.
Hi.
Oh,wow.
She was just saying how
cool she thought your van was.
Oh.
I'veneveraccused
thatthingofbeingcool.
It's, uh, very retro.
- Yeah.
Well, we bought it off the
guy who painted it in 1972.
Ahh. All right.
- Who's we?
Girlfriend?
- No, no.
Mybandmate,Clive.
Uh, I'm in a band.
- Oh, wow.
We'reontour.
And Clive's just in there.
- Mmm.
Clive!
That'sClive.Yeah.
Woo-hoo.
- Hey.
He's,uh...
He'sshy.
Soyoutwoarefriends,huh?
No. Not even a little bit.
- Yeah.
Come on.
You hated me in high school.
I didn't hate you.
- Oh?
I hated the way you were
constantly trying to one-up me.
I don't think I ever tried to one-up you.
IthinkIjustone-uppedyou.
Andyoustillended upvaledictorian.
Youwerevery...
driven.
Anyway,weshouldbegoing.
Oh,no.Wehavea
fewmoreminutes.
Keepcatchingup.
[Aliceclearsherthroat]
I'msorry.Iknew
Irecognizedyou.
Did you... did you come to
school on a horse one time?
Alice's 16th birthday.
ALICE: Mm-hmm.
Shewantedacar.
ButIwasdatingaguy
attheequestriancenter,
and I thought, this
is a pretty cool ride, too.
No-brainer.
We-we talked about that for a solid year.
Yeah, you guys didn't stop
neighing at me in the hallways.
Ihavenorecollectionofthis.
So where's your band playing next?
Uh,we'vegota giginRochester.
So we thought, what the hell,
let's pack up the van,
hit the road, see where
the wind takes us, and we'll,
uh, we'll play small gigs along the way.
Soyou'regoingonatour
withonlyonebookedgig?
Yep.
- Wow.
NottheoverachieverIremember.
Well.Timeschange.
Well, that's pretty weird,
because we're on the way to Buffalo.
Mom.
- So you two should exchange numbers.
We don't have to...
- That's a great idea, actually.
Yeah, see?
- Here, uh, my phone is dead, so...
Anactualold-fashionedpen?
Wow.
Stillcarryoneofthose,huh?
Takethat.
Um,just,uh,textme.
If only to get recommendations for awesome
diners and pit stops along the way.
Uh, maybe we can grab a milkshake
and you and I can reminisce
about the good old days of AP Physics.
CliveandIhavedone
thisroutebefore,so...
Youhearthat,honey?
He'sexperienced.
Okay.
We'revirgins.
We'releaving.
Wow!
- Let's go, Mom. Get in the car.
Um, and, uh, nice, uh, panty pony.
Verychic.
Oh!Helikesyourpanties.
Thesearepantyhoseinmyhair?
Mom!
[music]
Youhavetogooutwithhim.
He'ssocute.
MeandWesleyDarvin?
Noway.
Besides,hewasn'teven
askingmetohangoutlikethat.
Oh.
Idisagree.
Ilikehim.
Yeah, you liking a guy is a red flag.
[laughs]
Youknow,Mom...
Once you get married,
you won't be able to just...
meet cute guys
and flirt with them anymore.
I'm getting married.
I'm not turning into a nun.
Plus,WayneandI
aren'tthejealoustypes.
Oh,really?
Even though he used
to work in strip clubs?
You kinda left that part out
when you said he used to be in sales.
Oh,thepastisthepast.
And I am not judgmental about sex work.
Hmph.Reallythough,Mom?
Doyoueverworrythat...
I'mnotconcernedabit.
Wayne and I have gotten
through some very tough times.
Becausewecommunicate.
[musicplaysonradio]
Hey,Mom.
Takethisfreeway.
[gasps]
ArewegoingtoCheryl's?
Itwouldn'tbeyour
bachelorettepartyifwe
didn't go to see your
oldest bestest friend, right?
[laughs]Woo!
Yeah!
- Yeah!
[doorbellrings]
IknewCherylwas successful,butnotlike
giant-mansionsuccessful.
Whatdidshedoagain?
Oh, she's the head of all product
distribution of the Midwest.
Wow.
- Mm-hmm.
OhmyGod,Jee-Jee.
I'msogladyou'rehere.
Oh.lt'sbeenwaytoolong.
Iknow.
Imean,thelasttimeI sawyou,IthinkIstill
hadmyoriginaleyelids.
[laughs] Now I blink like a 22-year-old.
Oh.
Alice,you'reallgrownup.
OhmyGod.
The last time I saw
you, you were still in that
awkward phase that
girls have when they're 13.
Iwas17.
The world needs
late bloomers. Mm?
Icannotbelievethat
you'regettinghitched,Jee-Jee.
I know.
- I mean, oh my God.
Okay. The only
reason to marry a man
that fast, tight pants,
from a fat wallet.
Or a fat something
else. [Laughs]
Oh,honey,youhavenoidea.
Okay,ladies.
Youtwo.
[Alicesighs]
Youknow,Ijust realizedyou'reactually
like alternate versions of each other.
Youmetworkingtogether.
You both built wonderful careers.
Boughtyourownhomes.
You've done a lot as independent ladies.
Mom,maybeyoushouldbegoing
intobusinessagainwithCheryl.
Your oldest best friend
who you know and trust.
Hm?
I think our business days are over.
Aww.
Cher'slikemybigsister.
Aw,youcallingmeold?
Oh, and have your team of
plastic surgeons come after me?
Never.
- You know me too well.
All right. Mm.
Ladies, finish your champagne.
Igotalittlesurprise.
[classical music plays in background]
JEANIE: What?
ALICE: What is that?
Whatisgoingon?
I'mlikeyourfairygarden.
ALICE:Whatisthis?
Okay, don't look at any of the price
tags, because I already bought 'em all.
Cher,thisistoomuch.
Oh,pishposh.
I mean, you said you haven't
bought a wedding dress yet
and,youknow,I wantedtoassist.
And,youknow,helpAlice.
PoorAliceoverthere.
Find some clothes that aren't so drab.
Drab?
YoulooklikeanHRlady.
ButIamanHRlady.
[Alicelaughs]
Okay.
Wheredowestart?
[upbeatmusic]
Mmm,no.
Oh?
- Oh...
[gasps]Ooh...
[womansinginginFrench]
Hm?
No! I love it.
- [laughing]
Turnaround.
Ilikeit.
SorryifI'mhurtingyou.
Oh,please,honey.
After what you did to me when
you were born, I can take it.
ALICE:Hm.
Thisisfun,Mom.
Yeah.
We haven't had a girls' day
like this in a long time, huh?
Well,wewenttothat
wintermatineelastyear.
Oh,no.
Tax Evasion Garrett met us there.
No,thatwastwoyearsago.
LastyearwasJoblessBob.
Oh.Yeah.
Ihaven'thadthebesttrack
recordwithmen,haveI?
No,youhaven't.
That's why I'm so glad that I met Wayne.
He'ssuchalovelyguy.
Well,youlookbeautiful,Mom.
Agh,badnews,ladies.
LooksliketheDEA areontheirway.
DidshejustsaytheDEA?
Yeah,thisisnotgood.
Apologiesforbeing sucharudehost,
butit'sprobablybest
ifyoujusthittheroad.
Youknow,before thefedsarrive.
Productdistribution.
That'sdrugs.
She'sadrugdealer?
That'showyou'resorich?
Andyoutwoworkedtogether.
WereyoulikePabloEscobar?
Oh, no. We were very
low-level back then.
Here'sisforyou.
Justmakealittleweddinggift.
It was lovely seeing you both.
I'll see you at the wedding.
Okay.
- Go on, honey.
Mom.
- You gotta go fast.
Come on, Mom.
- Faster!
It'sokay.
JEANIE:You'regoing
90milesanhour.
ALICE:Well,yeah.
Oh,myGod.
Cheryl.
AuntCheryl'slikea...kingpin?
[laughs, sighs]
- What?
That'sfunnyyousaythat.
ThatD.A.R.E.program
musthavereallyworked.
Why wouldn't you ever tell me this?
Because I didn't think
you'd ever understand.
Oh,Idon'tunderstand.
Thisissoirresponsible,Mom.
Oh,myGod.
Youcouldhavegonetojail.
Imean,whywouldyouriskit?
There's not a lot of jobs for young single
mothers without a college education.
And I wanted a better life for you.
SoIjustworkeduntilIcould
buyahouseandgetout.
AndIdon'tregretanyofit.
Whoa,Mom.
I guess I never really
thought about it like that.
Imean...
itmusthave beenreallyhardforyou
all by yourself with a newborn
and nobody to rely on.
But you know what?
- What?
NowIhaveWaynetoleanon.
Mysoulmate.
ALICE:Uh-huh.
[music]
What'sthatsmell?
89bucksanight.
Okay.
I'm gonna go freshen
up and see if there's a bar.
Yeah,goodidea.
I'llchange,too.
What?Why?Youlooksogood.
I'm overdressed for a motel bar, no?
Well, at least let me give you something
of mine that kind of shows off the goods.
What makes you think I didn't bring
anything that shows off the goods?
[clearsthroat]
Fine.
Thankyou.
[doorcloses]
[phonevibrates]
Oh,god.
Hi.
Is that Alice Anderson in a sexy
black dress I see on my screen? Woo!
Isittoomuch?
It'ssotight.
No,it'sperfect.
I'm so glad that you're
finally letting loose
and shutting off those
"Girls Gone Mild" vibes.
Apparently we're going to a bar later.
Ilovethat.
It's literally the last thing I want to
do right now, but we're connecting, so...
It'sagreatidea.
You know, your choices should always
bebolderthan yourturtlenecks,Alice.
DeepakChoprasaidthat.
No,hedidnot.
ButIgetyourpoint.
Onedrinkcan'thurt,right?
[rockmusicplays]
Ahh.
Wow.
I can feel the earth spinning, I think.
It'samazing.
That'swhatlovefeelslike.
I'lltakeyourwordforit.
Honey...you'vegottoget
outthereanddatemore.
No.Iwatchedyoubeheartbroken
overandoverformywholelife.
No,nodating.
Mm-mm.
[newsongplays]
Youdon'tdatebecauseofme?
I didn't think you absorbed all that.
Imean...lt'sokay.
Oh,Mom.I'mokay.
Idon'tevenneedaman.
AndIjustalwaysneededaman.
Ya think?
- [laughs]
I...
Sorry.
Ijustmean...
Areyou...
Areyousureyouwant tomarrythisguyyou've
onlyknownforsixdays?
Yeah.
InBuffalo?
WhyBuffalo?
You know I had a hard time growing up.
Myparents...
Iknow,Mom.
Well...
Oneweekend...
WewenttoBuffalo.
Andwehadthebesttime.
Everyonewassohappy.
Itreallyfeltlikefamily.
Hmm.
So I was really sad
when we were leaving and...
Isawthiscouple.
And they were getting
married in the chapel.
Anditwassobeautiful.
AndIjustthought...
IfIevergetmarried...
I'm gonna get married
right here because...
Buffaloisjustthe
happiestplaceonearth.
Iwantyoutobehappy.
But do you think this is gonna last?
Oh,Iwill.
Wayne isn't like any other man I dated.
He only wants what's best for me.
Ipromise.
Youbelieveme,right?
I,um...
Ibelievewe...
Need to ride that.
[upbeatmusicplays]
[gasps]Yes!
Come on.
- Okay.
Jeanie: Get on her, honey!
[Alice yelps]
Yeah! Woo!
- Woo-hoo!
ALICE: Okay...
JEANIE: Look at her go!
That'smygirl!Oh,yeah!
[whooping]
- [crowd cheering and clapping]
Yeah!Shegetsherhipsfromme!
[screams]
Ridethatbull,honey!
Rideit!
She'sdoin'it!She'sdoin'it!
Whoa![screams]
[crowdgasps]
[indistinctchatter]
Oh!Honey!Alice!Alice!
Gotyou!
That'spaybackfortheairport!
[bothlaughing]
Ooh.
- Are you okay, honey?
Yeah.
- You sure?
Yeah. Hundred percent.
I just need one sec.
[Alice vomits]
- Oh!
Oh!Boy!
I don't know what got me worse...
Theboozeorthebull.
Oh.
It'sthebooze.
Trustme.
[exhales]
Hey, we're really close to Columbus.
Youknow,some,um...
Fresh air might really
help me... walk around.
EnjoythebeautyofOhio.
Isn't that pretty far out of the way?
No, it's...
- Or did you plan a stop for us?
No.Noplan.
[music]
Hey,Mom.
Could you go inside
and get me a bottle of water?
Oh,andmaybeaboxofthose
minigasstationdonuts?
Minigasstationdonuts?
Yeah.
The ones with the
powdered sugar all over them.
Oh.
Okay.
HowdidIraiseyousowrong?
Okay.
Thisisgonnawork.
Ijustneeda...
reasontogetusthere.
Okay.
Justaquick...
[music]
Okay,comeon,Alice.
You gotta do this, otherwise your mom
is gonna get fondled by a strip club
con artist with produce
for the rest of your life.
Ew!
Comeon!
Lockin.
Ah!
Shit!
Ow!
Oh,no!
Oh!Honey!
What's wrong?
- I think I chipped my ulna.
Oh!Where'sthat?
It'smyelbow!
Oh...Oh.
I'mgonna...
I'mgonnafindthenearest
doctor'soffice.
[officemuzakplaying]
You bang your elbow and you run
to a plastic surgeon's office?
What do you think they're
gonna do, Botox the bruise?
MissAnderson,I'mDr...
Tim?
Jeanie?
Oh!
- My God.
Youtwoknoweachother?
It'sbeenawhile.
How are you?
- Wow!
So,uh,youfinally
openedyourownpractice?
IalwaystoldyouIwould.
You went to Harvard Medical School?
Uh-huh,yeah.
After the Peace Corps,
I realized my true calling was medicine.
Wow.
And what better way to help
people than cosmetic surgery?
Because when you look
your best, you feel your best.
Iguessthatistrue.
Must be a nice paycheck
too, huh? [Laughs]
Jeanie,it'ssogoodtoseeyou.
Um,wait,Mom.
Is this the Tim you
dated when I was three?
That you said was
the great love of your life?
Um, I might have said
something like that.
Well, I mean, of course
this was before Wayne.
Waitasecond,who'sWayne?
Myfianc.
Oh. Congrats.
- Mm-hmm.
So much you two don't
know about each other.
Maybe we should spend an extra day or two
here and you and this Harvard-educated,
rich doctor with an excellent jawline.
Didyougetthatdone?
Notmybusiness.
Youtwocouldcatchup.
Jeanie,I'vemissedyousomuch.
You!
[screams]
[music]
Iwarnedyou.
Nancy!Oh,youlookterrific!
Hedoesgreatwork!
Nancy, Jeanie just
stopped in with her daughter.
Oh,myGod!Mom?
Iwarnedyou!
Next time you come near my
husband, it would be your last!
Yourhusband?
He is not wearing a wedding ring!
You are not wearing a wedding ring!
No!No,no,no,no,Nancy!
No!Nancy!No!
TIM:You'regonnahurtsomeone.
[clamoring]
Run!
- Nancy! Nancy!
Oh,myGod!Go!Go!Go!Go!
ALICE:Oh,myGod!
Get in the car!
- Oh, my god, Mom!
[screaming]
Go,go,go,go,go!
[car starts]
[screaming]
Ohmygod!
[tiresscreech]
[manyells]
ALICE:Ohmygod!
Don't even think about coming back!
Thatwasinsane.
It'llbefine.
How'syourelbow?
What? Oh, better.
Thank you.
I'mreallysorryit madeusgothere.
Well, you know, it's not like
you knew it was my ex's practice.
Yeah.
Smallworld.
It did seem like you two
were kind of having a moment
therebeforewealmost
gotmurderedbyhiswife.
Youknow,it'sfunny.
I spent the last two decades fantasizing
about Tim, you know, the one who got away.
Yeah.
Now I see exactly what was wrong.
Likethathe'smarried?
Well,yeah,butalso,
heneverstoodupforme.
With Wayne, I always feel so supported.
Yeah.
[siren]
Oh,shit!
I wasn't speeding.
Will you hand me my purse?
Ithrewitintheback.
JEANIE:Ohmygod.
[Alicegasps]
Whyistherecocaineinourcar?
Because Cheryl is
a very generous gift giver.
It'sworthafortune.
Mom,thecopisgonnaseethis.
AndthenI'mgonnagotoprison.
I'm gonna go to prison with my mom.
Ohmygod.
Whatareyoudoing?
Oh my god.
- Okay. Listen to me, Alice.
Men will do anything if you
flirt with them in the right way.
It'soursuperpoweraswomen.
Mom,Ican't.
I'mnotlikeyou.
Yes,youare.
You just have to do three things...
Use his name, laugh at whatever he
says, and give him a look like this.
I can't do that.
- Oh, yes you can.
No.
Itrustyou.Loveyou.
No,Ican't,mom.Ican't.
Uh...Hi.
OfficerDinkleman.
Wow.Coolname.
YouknowwhyIpulledyouover?
No.
OfficerDinkleman.Idon't.
Yougotabustedtaillight.
Well...
[giggles]
Wehitadeer.
Fromtheback.
Crazy,right?
Imean,whataretheodds?
Sofunny.Notforthedeer.
JEANIE: Oh, it's a powder
explosion. [Laughs]
My daughter just loves
those mini gas station donuts.
Dinkleman.
- Gross. No one likes those.
Oh, I do.
They're my guilty pleasure.
Must have spilled them
when we hit the deer. [Laughs]
If you promise to go to a
mechanic, I can give you a warning.
Really?
Mm-hm.Safetravels.
Thankyou.[laughs]
Ican'tbelievethat actuallyworked.
Soproudofyou,honey.
We just have to
work on your flirting face.
Whywasthelip-bitetoomuch?
Mm. I'd have given
more cannibal than coquette.
Okay.
- I can take that feedback.
Speaking of coquette, we need to get
this stuff out of here immediately.
Mm.
- Good call with the donuts, mom.
How'dyoucomeupwiththat?
I still have few tricks up my sleeve.
Yeah.
- Come on. I'm hungry. Let's go.
Okay.
[music]
Isthat...No,itcouldn'tbe.
Don'tIknowyoufrom...
fromhighschool?
Doyouremember?lt'sme.Hey.
Howareyouhere?
Oh,Ijusthappenedtobe
passingbymyfavoritepitstop.
Which is why I recommended
it to your mother yesterday.
ALICE:Oh,didyou?
I thought it would be rude if I didn't
text him after he gave you his number.
Mm.
- So, uh, seeing as you're here,
Clive and I are playing at a festival
nearby,soit'dbegreat
ifyoutwocamethrough.
Oh. We have a lot of
driving to do today, mother.
So, I just don't know that we have time.
Comeon.lt'llbefun.
Youcanleaveimmediately
afterwefinishplaying,
and I will play so fast, just for you.
[Alicelaughs]
Sure.
- Okay. Good. Okay. Great.
Woo!
Good. All right. Uh, Clive
is waiting in the van,
so,uh,Iwilltext youtheaddress.
Okay. Great. Thank
you very much.
And, uh, may I?
ALICE: Yep.
We'llseeyoulater.
Okay.
- Woo-hoo!
This'll be fun.
- What are you up to?
Oh,comeon.
I can feel it.
- Ah.
Unbelievable.
- [laughs]
[crowdmurmuring]
Oh,whatgreatoutfits.
No,thisisnot amusicfestival.
Thisisgonnabesomuchfun.
Ialwayswantedtobeawench.
[modernmusicplays]
JEANIE:Oh,Ilikeyourcape.
Oh,mygoodness.
Whatisoverhere?
Isthisharveststuff?
[modernmusicplays]
Woo.[laughs]
Wow...
On a cold and
rainy afternoon
You found my pieces
Fighting back to life
Facially you're lifting me
From my arms...
Lookatthosefingersgo.
That's why you date
guitarists and not drummers.
Mom!
- Never drummers.
Okay.
[songends]
WESLEY: All right.
Thank you very much.
That'sbeenourtime.
What?Mom?No.Mom.
I'm just gonna...
I'm just gonna be a second.
Okay?
Hey.
Hey.
That was great.
- Thanks.
Imean,really,reallygreat.
Thankssomuch.
Andthankyouso muchforcoming.
Well,yeah.
Wewouldcertainlynot
forbearit,goodsir.[chuckles]
Okay.
It's a little Renaissance
Faire Shake... speare.
You know, we wouldn't have
missed it. [Clears throat]
And, uh, look, I know you said you had
to hit the road or
whatever, but this is a...
reallycoolplaceand,
uh,Idon'tknow,didyou
wanttomaybetakea
walk,checkitoutandcatchup?
Ido,um,it'sjustwe,
well,wehaveaschedule
and I can't really abandon my mom.
Oh.
- Oh, oh, no.
How would I ever find shelter
or ale without my daughter?
Well...
Honey, I know you
think you have to take care
of me, but you don't
because I'm older than you.
Barely.
- Mm-hm.
Why don't you kids go have some
fun and make me a grandbaby?
- Mom! [Wesley laughs] - Oh,
come on, we're at a ren faire.
Just go plunder each other's booty.
- Please ignore her.
WESLEY:Wow.
[Jeanielaughs]
Let'sgo.
Yes.Okay.
Clive, is it?
- Yes.
Come on, Clive, let's
go find a cup of mead.
Yeah,okay.
Let'sdoit.
Let's see what you got, Katniss Everdeen.
Just give it a little...
- [yelps]
Pullitbackalittlebit.
Pull back. You got this.
You got this.
And...
Ha![laughs]
Notbad.
Wait, same time, ready?
- Uh-huh.
Okay,go.
One,two,three.
[upbeatlrishmusicplays]
Two.
Congrats.
Oh,yourlapissocomfy.
[giggles]
Oh.
I look like a princess.
- You absolutely do.
Oh,yes.
Oh,ooh,ooh.
Woo!
Thanks for inviting me and my mom.
Of course.
- This is fun.
Youtwoseemclose.
I didn't mean to open up
a can of worms like I'm so...
That wasn't a trick question or...
It's okay. My mom
and I are a work in progress.
Howso?
Do you want the real answer or...?
Therealanswer.
It's sort of like my whole life
I have been her single mom.
And if I recall, your father
wasn't around, right? Yeah.
Mm-mm.
- Sorry to bring that up.
It'sokay.
You can't miss what you don't know.
Not that I have, like, crazy
daddy issues or something.
I'msorry,I'vegotbadnews.
What?
- You are at a Renaissance faire.
Onadatewitha guyfromaband.
Youhavegotdaddyissues.
Okay.Okay,Iseeyourpoint.
What?
- This is a date, right?
Goodsir.
I do not share a
turkey leg with just anyone.
Okay, well, I'm very happy to hear that.
Now, if only we had some desserts, like
a huge stack of mini-powdered doughnuts.
You like those?
- They're the best dessert easily.
Top ten.
- I know!
They're the greatest.
- Incredible.
Top two.
- My favorite.
Andthey'renottwo.
Wow!
And, just to put your mind at
ease, I grew up in a household
with a happily married couple,
and look how that worked out.
I live in a van, and my parents
don't return my phone calls.
Really?
- Yeah.
I'm...
I'msosorry,why?
I did the whole law school thing,
got a great job at a great firm,
andIwasmiserable.
AndonedayIwas
goingtowork,andthere
was a homeless gentleman
playing some music.
Iwassojealousthathegot
tosing,andIwasstuckwriting
NDAsfordiapercompanies.
So, I gave him all the money
I had in my pocket, and I quit.
Wow.
That'showithappened.
Mm-hm.
- How about you?
I bet you're doing something amazing.
I was so intimidated
by you in high school.
What?
- Yeah!
You were?
- Obviously.
Okay...
Brilliant.Creative.Beautiful.
Iwasshaking inmyorthopedicsneakers
everytimeyouwalkedby.
Well,thatisverysweet.
I'mgoingtodisappointyou.
Idon'tthinkso.
IworkinHRnow.
Itisvery...whatever.
[music]
If you think it's "whatever,"
then you should do something else.
Like, quit my job and become a singer?
I'm just saying that you should
go after whatever you want
because you are too amazing
to settle for anything less.
[music]
What I want is to go back to your van.
Really?
Really.
[trafficnoiseindistance]
[sniffs]
Mm.
[gasps]
Hm?
- We fell asleep?
Mm-hmm.
Oh!Ohno!Hi!
Hi.
- I left my mom alone.
Allnight.Um...Okay.
Uh... Oh my god. I can't
believe we did that last night.
I can't believe I did that last night.
Did...Didwhat?
Becausetherewas...
Wedidalotlastnight.
[laughs]
Wait.Um...Mymother.
Um...When,uh...
WhencanIseeyouagain?
Youwanttoseemeagain.
Yeah.Doyou,uh...
Doyouwanttoseemeagain?
[music]
Yeah.
Well,uh...Howabout,uh...
Just off the top of my head
about a Buffalo, maybe?
Oh?
- Yeah.
You're gonna be there
with your mom, right?
Mm-hmm.
- And we'll be passing through...
[AliceandClivescream]
Um...
- Um...
The mailbox belonging
to Jeanie Anderson is full.
Isfull.Comeon,Mom.
[phonevibrates]
Okay.
Hi!
- Alice! Hi.
Ihavereallybignewsand...
Holdon.Didyougetlaid?
You're glowing.
- Yeah.
Last night, a guy
I went to high school with...
Isleptinhisvan.
Imean,wow.
ThatissomethingthatIwould
do,andthat'snotacompliment.
Iknow!
Well, listen, it's gonna be hard
to be a groupie when they...
promoteyou.
Whatdoyouknow?
I mean, I may have accidentally
eavesdropped on a certain meeting
where they were talking about a director
position, and you don't look excited.
No,I...Iam.Ijust...
I'm just starting to wonder if I want
to be in HR for the rest of my life.
Babe, I've been waiting for you
to say that for two years now.
So you don't think I'm crazy
if I pass on the promotion?
No, I don't think you're crazy,
but speaking of crazy,
how goes Operation Wedding Crash?
[groans]
I'm starting to feel so guilty, actually.
We're having so much fun together.
And I... I don't know,
maybe she's not
this train wreck I always think she is,
or...
thatshedefinitelyusedtobe.
Okay, so you are sleeping in a van,
prioritizing work-life balance,
andgivingJeanie
thebenefitofthedoubt.
Whoareyou?
Idon'tknow.
NewAlice.
Ican'twaittomeether.Bye!
[phone vibrates]
Oh...
Hello?
[music]
Shedidwhat?!
No,I'm...I'mcomingrightnow.
I kn It's circle, circle, flick, nibble.
Blammo!
- Ohhh.
There'sourfavoriteinmate!
Oh, Officer Brent!
[gasps]
Hi,sweetie.
Howareyou?
Uh,notgreat.
You broke into someone's house
and fell asleep on their couch.
What were you doing?
- I had to pee.
After drinking all day with Clive?
And the bathrooms were out of order.
Soyoubrokeinto someone'shouse?
You're lucky the homeowners
don't want to press charges.
Oh,yousee?
Soit'snobigdeal.
Itisabigdeal.
Breakingandentering
isliterallyabigdeal.
There are consequences
for your actions. I mean...
I mean, not in this case, I understand,
but normally in the real world.
Comeon!
Okay, there's no need to be so dramatic.
I mean, it's not like anyone got hurt.
Igothurt.
Iamhurt.
Do you not understand that
worrying about you hurts me?
Worrying all the time, not knowing
if you're okay, following you around,
cleaningupallofyourmesses.
Ihaven'thadaday
tobeirresponsibleever!
I had one night of fun
and you're in jail!
Youthinkthat'sdramatic?
Alice,that'snotfair.
Nothing about our relationship is fair!
[chuckles]
Oh, my god.
I actually can't believe
I thought things were changing!
Ha!
So, there's some paperwork
that needs to be filled out.
Yeah,I'llhandleit.
Ialwayshandleit.
Have fun saying goodbye
to all your fancy new friends.
Ladies.
[music]
[clickstongue]
[music]
Okay...
- Thank you.
Oh,yeah.
Also took the liberty
of charging Mrs. Anderson's
cell phone for her after
we used it to play Heads Up.
Youplayedgamesinjail?
Yourmomtalkedusintoit.
Wehadablast.
[Alicechuckles]
Bet there's never a dull moment
with her around, is there?
No,thereisn't.
Okay, I'll go grab her
personals and bring her out.
Okay,thanks.
[musical ring tone]
[sighs]
Uh...Hello?
JeanieBean!
Oh!Wayne,no,thisisAlice.
Mymom...
can'tcometothe phonerightnow.
Well, I've been calling her
all night. Is she alright?
See, I gotta get her opinion on
the location for Suds and Swig.
Huh?SudsandSwig?
Yeah,see,that'sthe
businesswe'restarting.
It's a laundromat that's also a bar.
Now, listen up.
Get this. You ready?
[singing jingle] Get your clothes
washed while you get sloshed.
[laughs]
It'scatchy,right?
Mmm,genius.
See, only thing is, she's gotta
apply for the liquor license.
Ican'tlegallydoit.
Even though that "incident"
was 30 frickin' years ago.
Wayne?
Yeah.
The reason my mom can't come to the phone
right now is because
she met someone else.
I'msorry.lt'sover.
Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on here.
Thatcan'tbe.
Yousee,we'resoulmates.
You know, we're two sunny
bunnies and a honey hutch.
Iunderstandthatthisis,um,
probably hard to hear, but, you know,
she and, uh, Daryl are very much in love.
If you're...
[Wayne cries]
Just so very happy together
and she didn't know
howtotellyou, becauseshedoes
really care about
you, but the wedding is off.
I'msorry.Goodbye.
Daryl!
Daryl!
WhatkindofnameisDaryl?
I'llbeamonkey'suncle.
[music]
Block.
Jeanie:Sweetfreedom!
I'vegotyourphone.
Thank you.
- Mm-hm.
JEANIE:Okay.
Let'ssee.
Okay.
Everythingishere.
We're all set.
- Okay, great. [Screams]
Whatisthat?
It's Queenie.
I told you.
Yougotherstuffed?
Well, I couldn't say
goodbye to this wittle face.
Oh,no!
Has she been with you this whole time?
Itoldyouthat.
I thought you meant
you were bringing her ashes!
Ew!
No!
Was she with us all day at the festival?
Well, I couldn't leave
her in the hot car.
That wouldn't be right.
- Mom.
Also, the rental car
would smell like formaldehyde.
Ew!
Oh,pleaseputheraway.
Ifeellikeshe'sstaringatme.
I'msorry,sweetie.
Aw.
- Ugh.
[music]
JEANIE: Are you still
mad at me, sweetie?
ALICE:Let'sjust
forgetaboutit.
Wehavealongdayaheadofus.
[music]
[enginestops]
[sighs]
Hmm.
Mom.
Mom!Oh!
Hi.
Wait.
Wherearewe?
Comeon.
You'llsee.
We're here because
it's a part of your history.
College is the chapter
that you never got to finish.
Oh...Idon'tneedtofinishit.
Mom, your dream was to be a veterinarian.
No, and then I got pregnant with you
and my dream became being your mom.
But I don't want you to
give up your dream for me.
Youcouldhaveboth.
I spoke to the dean, and they offer
continuing education classes for adults.
This could be your next chapter, Mom.
Honey, I appreciate what you're trying to
do, but I don't have that dream anymore.
And I don't have very good
memories about this place.
Mom.
I know leaving here early was hard.
Butyoucancomeback.
Youcandothis.We'rehere.
Let'sgoin.
Forme.
[chatter]
What if I run into some
of my old classmates?
Mom.
Anyone you went to college with has
either graduated, retired, or is dead.
Oh.
Right.
- Right?
Yeah.
- Okay.
Okay.
The dean of the veterinary
school has office hours today.
Getting a brochure can't hurt, right?
JEANIE:Sure.We'rehereanyway.
Justrighthere.
Oh.Mom.
Mom.
Ohh...CanIpetyourdog?
Okay.
Oh.
DeanStevens.
Hi.
Areyouastudentattheschool?
Oh.No.I'mnotastudent.
Thankyouthough.
Mymomusedtobe.
Hey.Mom.
Mom.
Comemeetthedean.
Huh?
Peter.
- Jean?
Peter,Ihadnoidea.
Oh,Isee.
Hebroughtherhereforwhat?
Guilt? More money?
- No.
Let'snotforget you'reanadult.
Alegaladult.
Alice.Weneedtogo.
Jean, I gave you $10,000
to not be involved.
We had an agreement.
- Hey!
We don't want your goddamn money!
Mymomraisedmeallonherown.
Boughtusahouseonherown.
Paidformycollegeonherown.
Wedon'tneedanythingfromyou!
[music]
Comeon,mom.
Comeon.
[sighs]
I didn't want you to find out that way.
You didn't want me to find out at all.
Didyoulovehim?
IreallythoughtIdid.
ButthenIgotpregnant.
AndIsawtherealhim.
You could have told me who he was.
Peter made it very clear
that he didn't want contact.
Notever.
So...
I just decided it was better to lie
rather than make you feel unwanted.
Iunderstandyouwanting
toprotectmeasachild.
ButwhenIgotolder...
Ididn'tknowhowtotellyou.
Ihadalreadyliedforsolong.
Ijust...
Ijustthoughtitwas
bettertoleaveitalone.
Yeah.
I...
Thatmakessense.
[exhales]
Let's just go to a motel
and call it for today.
I'mexhausted.
Soundgood?
Okay.
- Okay.
] I've tried Wayne six times and
it still says it's not in service.
Hmph.
Imean,hedoesuse apay-as-you-go.
So, he probably just hasn't
had time to get a new card.
Running around, getting
ready for the wedding.
I mean, I can't
believe that's already here.
It'stomorrow.
Yeah,meneither.
[music]
Okay,well...
I'llgotakeoffmyface.
Justkidding.
I'llkeepit.
ALICE:Mm.
Night.
- Night.
[music]
[doorcloses]
[exhales]
[groanssoftly]
[music]
I got it.
- Okay.
I'm supposed to meet Wes
at the Canal Park Overlook.
If you want to meet me there after.
Okay.
I thought I'd take pictures
with Queenie by the water.
Mm.
- Try Wayne again.
Hisphonestillisn'tworking.
Andthewedding'sinsixhours.
Buthe'llbethere.
Iknowhewill.
So...Okay,well...
Gohavefun.
FindWes.
[clockbellringing]
Hey.
- Hey.
So happy you're here.
- Oh, yeah.
I was starting to get nervous
when I didn't get your text back.
Oh, sorry. Uh...
- You're good.
Where'dyouparkyourvan?
Justafewblocksaway.
Why?
Well,let'sgo.
Hey.Wait.Youokay?
Yeah.I'mfine.
Come on.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Don'tgetmewrong.
Thethoughtofsleeping
togetheragainsoundsincredible
but I thought maybe we
could go for a walk first.
Talk.Hearhowyou'vebeen.
Trust me. You don't want
to hear about any of that.
Of course I do.
- Let's just... Come on.
Alice,stop.
Iseverythingokay?
No. It's not.
My mom got arrested.
What?
Because I chose myself for one
night and I hung out with you.
And I wasn't watching out for her.
Then I met my long lost father
who it turns out is really a dick.
And my mom has actually
known about him my entire life.
And chose to keep him a secret from me.
So, no, Wes, everything is not okay.
And I would just love to be distracted
and go and have some fun, meaningless sex.
Because apparently
that's a thing that I do now.
Meaningless.
Imean...
Please don't pretend
to be heartbroken about it.
Iknowthat'swhatmenwant.
Sexwithoutcommitment.
I'm...I'min.
Yougotit.
That'snotwhatIwant.
Okay.
Tellmewhatyouwant.
Well...
Well, for starters,
how about some clarity
with the girl I've liked
since the ninth grade?
Maybe take her out on a real date?
Seewherethingsgo?
Wherearethingsgonnago,Wes?
I have a stable, regimented life in St.
Louis and you live in a van.
Can we just let this fling be what it is?
Canitjustbefun?
Isthatclearenoughforyou?
Yeah.
Look, I'm not trying to hurt you.
I'mjusttryingtoberealistic.
Areyou?
Or are you just giving
up on something before
you've even tried because
you're too damn scared?
I'llseeyouaround.
[music]
Hi,sweetie!
Hi,where'sWes?
Uh...He'sgone,Mom.
I-Idon'twanttotalkaboutit.
Can we just go?
- What?
Please.
- Oh! Wayne!
Honey,whatever Idid,I'msorry.
Ijusthadtocomeseeyou.
Howdidyouevenfindushere?
Well, we share locations on our
phone, just like we share everything.
Atleastweusedto.
Please,baby,justtalktome.
Look, we don't have to start a business.
Hell, we don't even
have to get hitched today.
Ijustloveyousomuch,baby.
I'lldoanything.
Don't give up on us.
Please, babe.
I'mjustbeggingyou.
I'mbeggingyou,please.
[crying]
You're the one who hasn't called.
I've been so worried,
and your phone's not working.
Whatyoutalkingabout?
Icalledyou14timesyesterday.
Ever since Alice told me
you found someone new.
And I'm going to tell you this right now.
I will fight this Daryl guy for your
love, or form a... a... a throuple.
YoutoldhimImetsomeoneelse?
Wayne, can I have a minute
alone with my mom, please?
Well,surething.Uh...
Okay,I'llbeback.
I'll be back.
Don't forget about me.
[blowing kisses]
- Don't forget about me.
Don'tgofar.
Mom,I'msosorry.
I was only trying to
protect you from yourself.
Well, lying to me is not protecting me.
Exceptforwhenyoudoit?
Do you have any idea
how much it hurts me?
That you have known
who my father is my whole life?
AllthosetimesIaskedyou?
I'msorry,honey.
I know I made mistakes back then.
You'restillmakingthem,Mom.
And I am trying so hard
to help you because I love you.
AndIloveyou.
Butyoudon'tlisten.
Of course I do.
- No, you don't.
I tried to talk to you about my concerns
about Wayne and
you just brushed them off.
I planned this entire trip
to try to get through to you.
To show you that there's a better path
foryouthanmarryingsome
weirdothatyoujustmet
whose boozy laundromat
is gonna bankrupt you.
Alice! I know you
don't support this.
Butthisismylife.
And you have to accept
that I'm making good decisions.
All that's happened this week is that
you're a magnet for bad decisions.
And I don't know that I have the energy
to keep helping you
clean them up anymore.
Well, I'm not asking you to, honey.
Maybe you just like fixing my life
so you don't have to live yours.
What?
You need to be the new
Alice that I've seen
coming out of her shell this week.
Youhavetostop playingitsafe.
You have to have fun.
- You want me to have fun like you?
[sighs]
Honey, I know I haven't
always been the best mother.
And I wish I had grown up sooner
so that you didn't have to.
But I have always
done right by my daughters.
And you and Queenie...
- Don't
Are just the light...
- No, Mom!
Thisisnotyourdaughter!
Thiswasadog!
Thiswasadog!
Iamnotadog!
I am your daughter!
[both scream]
[splash]
JEANIE:Queenie!
[girl screams]
ALICE: Oh!
ALICE:Oh,myGod.
Mom,Ididn'tmeantodothat.
She threw a puppy into the river!
No, I didn't.
Well, I mean, I did.
Butitwasn'talive.
It was stuffed.
It was dead before.
I...Oh,myGod.
Ican'tdothis.
Mom, I can't do this. I...
[Jeanie gasps]
It hurts me too much to
watch you throw your life away.
I have to go.
I'm sorry.
Alice!
[phonevibrates]
Hello.
Alice!
It'sCheryl.
Whenwillyoubehere?
I'mnotcoming.
What?
You'rethemaidofhonor.
Iknow.
Mom and I had a big
fight, and I'm not coming.
Oh, my God.
Listen.
I knew that she was
eventually gonna blow up at you
for your mind-gamey,
don't-get-married road trip.
Wait...Sheknew?
Thewholetime?
You're about as
subtle as a yeast infection.
Jeanie told me about it, you
know, when you two were here.
Butsheswore thatitwasallworthit,
but, you know, to spend
all that time with you.
You're really not coming
to your own mother's wedding?
No.
I-Idon'tknow whattotellyou,Cheryl.
Igiveup,okay?
I'm going to return the rental car.
I'mflyingbacktoSt.Louis.
I doubt she even wants me there anyway.
Shelovesyou,youknow?
She loves you more than anything.
[song plays on car radio]
Give what I couldn't give
Uhhhh......
[Alicechuckles]
You know the movie "Cars?"
I know it's not real,
but I think this one felt pain.
[chuckles]The-the goodthingis...
Ididgettheinsurance.
Holdon.
I guess that's good.
- I have it here somewhere.
[music]
Mm.
[sighs]
I actually need the car for one more day.
I have to be...
- Oh, no. I-I can't do that, miss.
Look at this thing.
It's a liability issue.
[closes door] That's okay.
Just rent me something else.
Please.
- Oh, no.
Allourothercarsarebooked.
Allofthesecarsarebooked?
Youwantanothercar?
Lookatwhatyoudid
tooneofourbestcars!
Iknow.
[music]
[sweetly]Iknow.
IknowIdidabadthing.
[whispers] I was kind of a bad girl.
But if you... if you could
help me out, I promise you,
Iwilltakesuch goodcareofher.
I just need her for just one more day.
Eh...
Keith?
Keith, is it?
- Uh...
Thisisapowerfulname.
Yeah,it'sCeltic.
Really?
It means "wood."
CelticKeith.
Sobigandstrong.
Couldyoupleasejustbe
powerfulformeandhelpmeout?
All right.
- [squeals]
I'm gonna have to run it by my boss.
Or...
Or...
We...
[music]
We could keep this between you and me.
Oh.
- Oh.
Oh.Youliketoparty.
Yeah.
I do.
Sometimes.
I'mcool.
Thankyou,Keith.
Bye, miss.
- Bye!
[car starts]
Oh, I gotta call Mom.
Hey,Mom!
[music]
I have lived a lonely life
Okay...
A wave on broken ice
Where?
Looking through the night
[car sputtering]
Oooh... no, no, no, no, no...
Damn it.
[car dies]
[Alice gasps] Oh! I should
have listened to Keith!
No!
No,no,no,no,no,no!
Ow!
[Wayne exclaiming]
[crowd murmurs]
There'smybaby!
[laughs]
[laughsexcitedly]
Oh!
Oh,I'mcoming,Mom!
Oh, my god!
You see this girl?
Oh, my girl!
You look beautiful!
To feel like I belong
What?
You make me proud
You are my song
CHERYL:Today,we
joininmarriage.
JeanieAndersonandWayneFuji.
Whoo!
- Wayne, do you have the rings?
WAYNE: Wha... got you...
- Oh!
Put on your dainty little finger.
Doyou,WayneFuji,takeJeanie
Andersontobeyourlovingwife?
Helltotheyeah.
I am not afraid
There is strength in change
And do you, Jeanie Anderson,
take Wayne Fuji to be your loving husband?
I...
ALICE:Wait!Wait!
Alice,you'rehere!
Yeah.
- Wait!
Toobject?
No,I'mheretosupport.
I'msorryI'mlate,Mom.
That'sokay.You'rehere.
That'sallthatmatters.
Iloveyousomuch.
Iloveyoutoo.Iwouldn't
missthisfortheworld.
I mean, how often does
my mom get married?
[sotto]NotcountingtheBelize.
I'm really sorry that I lied to you both.
I,um...
No,honey.
I'msosorryIdidn't
tellyouaboutyourdad.
And for not realizing how much
I put on you all those years.
Whydon'twecalliteven?
Since I launched Queenie into the river.
Um, speaking of...
[whistles]
Apparently you can adopt a dog
in Buffalo in five minutes.
[guests murmur]
JEANIE: Oh my goodness!
Whoisthisangel?
This is a wedding present and an apology.
I have filled out all of the adoption
papers and paid all of the fees.
So all you have to do is name him.
I'mgonnanamehimKingy.
Okay.
- Oh! Oh, I love him.
Thank you, sweetheart.
You know me so well.
You'rewelcome.
Iloveyou,Mom.
Okay.
Okay.
Honey.What'swrong?
I'm sorry, Darlin',
but... Sweetheart.
I apologize, but don't
you remember at the retreat?
I told you that I was
allergic to doggies.
I just thought that
was a sick, dark joke.
Holdup.
Gatheryourself,Wayne.
Here'sthething.
I'mgonnataketheBenadryl.
I'mgonnataketheClaritin.
I'mgonnaevengetthesteroids.
If I can't get them, I'm gonna find them.
Oh, yeah.
- Because I love you.
I love you, and I'll do anything for you.
A puppy, a doggy, whatever you want.
Iloveyou.
Pleasecontinue,Cheryl.
Allrighty,then.
Jeanie, do you take Wayne...
- No, wait a second.
Icannotdothistothisman.
Iloveyou,honey.
Oh, Kingy, I'm sorry, but
I love this human man so much.
And clearly, he would do anything for me.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm trying to be more
responsible like my daughter.
So, Kingy, I'm gonna
have to find you a new home.
No,no,no,Iobject.
[guestsgasp]
Oh,no,nottothis.
IjustmeanI'lltakethedog.
Oh, Alice, you don't have
to do that. [Crowd relieved]
Igotit.
NewAlice,remember?
Oh,honey,I'msoproudofyou.
Lookatme.
I'ma...
Igotadog.
Okay.
In conclusion, Jeanie Anderson, do you
take Wayne Fuji to be your loving husband?
Ido.
Ido.
I do, I do, I do, I do...
[Wayne laughs]
AndIpronounceyou husbandandwife.
You may kiss... er, okay.
Kiss away.
[applause]
Whoa!
Woo!
Mom!
[guestscheering]
Dreamcometrue!
Dreamcometrue!
Dreamcometrue!
Let'spartynow!
Party!Woo-hoo!Iloveyou!
Hey,there'smymaidofhonor.
Hey, baby.
- Hi.
Hey!
Whoinvitedyou?Haha!
[chatter]
Congratulations,Mom.
Youlooksobeautiful.
Aw,thankyou,honey.
Where'sKingy?
Oh, um, Aunt Cheryl said she wanted to
take him for a spin on the dance floor.
[Jeanielaughs]
Yeah.
[musicplays]
Areyouallright?
Iknowyoudidn't
reallywantthisforme.
Mom,Iamsohappyforyou.
Truly.
Ijust...
I'mrealizingthat Iwantthistoo.
YouwantaweddinginBuffalo?
No.Butlove.
Tobewithsomeonewho woulddoanythingforme,
likeWaynewillforyou.
It...
It'sreallyspecial.
AndIthinkIhadashot
atit,butIgotscared.
I don't want to be
scared all the time anymore.
Weswasprettyspecial,huh?
Yeah,hewas.
Well...
maybe you'll run into him sometime
and then you never know what will happen.
[laughs]
No,I'mprettysurehehatesme.
Hm.
I'mnotsosureaboutthat.
[musicplaying]
Ihiredthemas theweddingband.
Whatareyouwaitingfor?
Go get him.
- Yeah.
Hm.
Hey, I know I was a jerk and I said...
- Uh-huh.
Some pretty awful things...
- Yeah.
ButIreally, reallylikeyou.
And that's a little scary for me.
That never happens to me
because I never let it happen.
I don't want to pull
back this time with you, so...
Would you maybe give me a second chance?
Wecan...
seewherethisthinggoes?
Yeah,it'sadate.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
Okay.
[music]
Woo!
[applause]
Hi,Mom.
Yup.
- Yep.
JEANIE:Oh!Uh!
Whoisit?
It'sme,Mom.
[laughs] Woo!
- Wow.
Hi.
Whathappenedinthere?
Oh,honey.
Marriageisbliss.
Mom,I'msohappyyou'rehappy.
WAYNE:lsthatAlice?
It'sAlice,honey.
Hey!Hi!
Hi.
Can I have a moment with you right now?
Uh-huh.Yeah.
I am so psyched to be part of your life.
Thanks.
That'sreallysweet.
I'm really happy to have you in my life.
Oh, thank you.
- As my Wayne.
[Jeanie gasps]
Really?
Yeah.
And, um, hey, for
what it's worth, I actually
think your boozy laundromat
is a really good idea.
Really? Why don't
you come on in?
We'llordersomegrub.
We'llhangout.
GotabigscreenTV.
Um, it's getting pretty
close to checkout time, and...
Um, honey, I know we talked
about flying back together.
Youwanttochangetheplan.
I do. I-I swear. I am gonna
work on being more stable.
Mom, it's okay. I actually
want to change the plan, too.
Uh,youdo?
Yeah.
Um,lastnight,Wesinvited
meontourwiththeband.
Justacoupleweeks.
But I've never taken a trip
that wasn't for work till now.
AndIwanttodo somethingforme.
Yeah.
- And what about your job?
Well, I have my laptop with me,
and if they don't like that,
I'm...okaywithit.
Oh, honey, that is so irresponsible.
I am so proud of you.
I'mgonnamakeyouapromise.
Iwillnotputthehouse
onthemarketuntilyoureturn.
Then,wewillgo throughitalltogether.
And we can organize it or whatever
your cute little type-A brain wants.
Thatreallymeans alottome,Mom.
Come here.
- Oh, come here.
Oh,grouphug.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
I love you.
Byebye!Woo-hoo!
[baby-talkingtoKingy]
Okay.
You good to go?
- Yeah.
Hello.
- You ready to go?
[music]
Hey,Clive.
Youreadytogo?
Yep.
- Okay.
[Kingywhimpers]
WES:Good.Okay.
Let's go.
- All righty.
[startscar]
ALICE: So, Rochester's
the next stop.
- What's after that? WES:
After that, we play it by ear.
ALICE: Cool. I love that. Just
see where the wind takes us.
WES: It's killing you, isn't it?
ALICE: 100%.
So, last night, I actually came
up with a potential schedule.
It'sreallyloose.
WES: This is
color-coded by hour.
ALICE:No,no.
See, these two hours right here, those
are scheduled, unscheduled free time.
WES: You're insane.
You know that, right?
ALICE: Yeah, I get
it from my mom.
[musicfadesout]
[music]
Sometimes I talk out loud
When there's no
one else around
Excuse me.
Are you Alice Anderson?
DaughterofJeanieAnderson?
Yeah.Imean,yes,that'sme.
I'm actually supposed
to be picking her up right now.
It's kind of our thing,
family tradition, you know.
I pick her up when she travels
and she picks me up when...
Miss.
Is she in trouble?
- I'd say so.
Did she fly with an illegal animal again?
No.
- Did she threaten to start a dance party
intheaislesofthe
planeifshegotcutoff?
Because normally she is joking.
- No.
Please tell me she didn't
hook up with a pilot again.
I can't... I can't have her
banned from another airline.
WOMAN ON OVERHEAD:
We are now boarding Delta...
Follow me, please.
- What?
Mom, are you okay?
What happened?
Whathappenedis...
I'mengaged!
Woo!
Oh my god.
- MOM: Woo!
You guys really commit to a prank.
Ohhoney,it'snoprank.
Thisistherealdeal.
Areyoubeingseriousrightnow?
Youwereonlygoneforsixdays.
Shewasonlygoneforsixdays.
I know. But when
you know, you know.
You know.
- No!
Ma...
Honey, I can't wait
for you to meet Wayne.
He's actually flying in tomorrow.
Isalcoholevenallowedinhere?
Oh,notatall.
I confiscated it from
a guy earlier this morning.
[laughs]
Youdon'twanttoknowwhere.
[gags]
To your mom!
- Yay!
Cheers!
- Cheers!
Woo!
But you're the one to blame
Cause now that
they're not together
I finally feel okay
ALICE:Ijustdon'tunderstand.
You were in Sedona for less than a week
and now you're
engaged to some random guy?
Oh,Wayneisn'trandom.
Ugh... Okay.
What'shislastname?
Um...Appleby?
No.Appleton?
Granny Smith.
- Mom...
It'ssomething todowithapples,but...
but that's not important.
I know the important things.
He'skindandfunny.
He'sagreatcook.
Do you know that you can make a
lasagna from hot dogs and mustard?
Gross.
Mom.
Pleaselistentome.
I'mworriedaboutyou.
You've just fallen in love
so many times and it never...
Oh,honey,thisisdifferent.
Justkeepanopenmind.
Wayne's gonna be here tomorrow
and you're gonna love him.
Fuji!WayneFuji!
Iknewithadtodowithapples.
Iwassoclose.
[music]
Bagel Bar!
Alice, you're the best.
Well, I have to make
work a little fun for my team.
Igotyouglutenfree.
You're so good to us.
Thank you, HR Mommy.
Pleasedon'tcallmeMommy.
We were bummed you couldn't
make it to karaoke last night.
Mm-hmm.
- I think I made Beyonc proud.
Well,eventhoughpublic
singingismynumberone
stress dream, I was sad to miss it.
ButIhadtopickmymom
upattheairport,so...
Oh! Jeanie's back from the
retreat thingy. Was it good?
Yeah! She got engaged to a guy
she met there, so that's fun.
Anyway...
- Wait, wait.
Jeaniegotengaged?
Yes,shedid.
But, point being, I need to tell
you about our new PTO policy.
Um...
More.
- That's insane.
Alice'smomisnextlevel.
Tell him about the time that your mom was
a groupie for Nickelback and pulled you
out of high school for a
month to go on tour with them.
Anyway...
- Let's get back to the engagement.
Haveyoumetthisguyyet?
No, he's flying in tonight, so
I have to spend my lunch break
looking him up online and maybe
running a background check.
Or...Justathought...
maybe we could look him up right now.
[Sandeepgasps]
Okay,onlyifwecounted
asteambuilding.
Yes!
- Yes!
Goteam!
[scoffs]ltsayshis lastjobwasrentingfog
machinestostripclubs.
Huh.
I wouldn't even think that
was a gig, because the whole
point would be to see the
women, but what do I know?
He can't be as bad
as he looks online, right?
He's wearing a t-shirt that says,
"I own two pythons,
and one's in my pants."
No...No...No.
She'snotmarryingthisman!
So...
I've been thinking...
- You want bangs?
Honey,I'msorry.
I don't think you have
the forehead for them.
No.I...What?
I've been thinking about you and Wayne.
I... I wanted to talk to
you before he got here.
Mom, you know I love you
andIwant youtobehappy,
but I'm worried you're
moving a little fast here.
That retreat was supposed
to be about working
through your grief, not boning some guy
showing off his snake tattoos online.
Didyoulookhimup?
Withanopenmind?
Butyes!
Okay.
First of all, he only
has one snake tattoo,
and it all connects on
his cute little butt cheek.
Okay.
- And... Second of all,
Ididwork throughmygrief.
I only cried over Queenie
once, the whole trip.
Theyservednutsontheplane.
You know how she felt about squirrels.
Well,hey!
There'smywoman!
Oh!
- Baby, baby, come over here!
[kissingloudly]
[Waynelaughs]
Alice, this is Wayne, my fiance.
Alice.
- Hi. Oh.
Hey. Now, listen.
- Hi.
I know you're a grown woman, but
I want to tell you something.
I intend to be the world's best dad,
and I want to get a mug to prove it.
She's a cutie pie.
You're a cutie pie.
This is so exciting for my
two favorite people to meet.
Yeah. Um, say, Wayne.
- Huh?
Could you ask our waiter for
some more, um, uh, napkins?
Napkins? Sure, can do.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
- Hold my bowie for me.
Willyou,beanie?
[loudkissing]
That's sweet.
That's sweet sugar.
[laughs]
Ohh...
Woo!
Youcannotmarrythatguy.
This is the start
of an episode of "Dateline."
Oh,myGod.lt'sheavy.No!
You know, I was worried
you would do this.
Start judging him for his looks and
his education and his hepatitis.
Hiswhat?
Mom,youarerushingintothis.
Mm.lfyousayso.
Youarenotbeingrational.
Loveisn'trational.
Oh, but I forgot...
you don't believe in romance.
Oh,Ibelieveinromance.
I just prefer to be
in control of my life.
Notlostinsome pheromone-inducedmania.
I am not like you.
- Oh, you're exactly like me.
I raised two beautiful daughters.
YouandQueenieare exactlylikeme.
Stopcomparingmetoyourdog.
It's a compliment.
- It's not!
Hey...ladies.
Now, I could not track down the waiter
andgetthosenapkins,
butgotsomethingbetter.
Boom![laughs]
Use as much as you want.
We can wipe our hands with it.
Thankyou.
And again, if you ever want me to
set you up with someone, let me know.
Oh, thank you.
But no, thank you.
I don't have time to date right now.
- Alice, come on.
I mean, don't you want to meet
a mega nerd like yourself?
Letyourlittlefreakflagfly?
Myfreakflagisdoingjustfine
instoragerightnow,thankyou.
Is it?
- I don't have time.
I'm working overtime to try to get
this director of human resources job.
And now, I have to deal with my
mother's train wreck of an engagement?
No.
Is he really as bad as we thought?
He'sworse.
She'ssoblindedbylove.
She can't see the parade of red
flags he's laid out for her.
And when this relationship
inevitably ends like they always do,
in six to eight months, she will
be devastated and hysterical.
And who will have to pick up the pieces?
Me.
Itneverworks.
Imean,comeon.
She doesn't even know who my dad is.
Arewereallysurprised?
[music]
[sighs]
[music]
JEANIE:Woo!
Woo!
Oh,hi!
You mowing the lawn
or going to winter formal?
Ihitoneofmygnomes.
Ohwell.
[musicfadesout]
Thankyouforcomingover.
OhmyGod.
Oh,Iknow.
Doesn'tQueenielookbeautiful?
Shereallydoes.
I hired the same photographer
who did your senior portrait.
Nothing but the best
for my two daughters.
Mom, for the last time, your human
daughter is not the same as a dog.
I asked you here because I want
you to know I heard your concerns.
Really?
- Mm-hmm.
WayneandIagreed.
Planning a wedding is just too much work.
Andweddingscostafortune.
That'strue.
Thatissoresponsible.
Yes, so we're going to
Elope in Buffalo next Saturday.
What?
You want to get married next weekend?
Mm-hmm.
And...
Alice, I have a very
important question to ask you.
[nervous]Uh-huh.
Willyoubemymaidofhonor?
Oh...You'remaidofhonor....
Mom,I'msotouched,obviously.
And I really would like
to say yes, but I...
Yes! Oh, I'm so glad we got that
sorted because I have so much to do.
Ihavetogoshoeshopping.
Ihavetogodressshopping.
I have to pack up this entire house.
Packupthehouse?
Didn't I tell you I'm selling the house?
You'resellingthehouse?
Wayne says we need seed
money for the new business.
What business?
- Oh, that's still in beta.
Holdon!
You are saying that you
want to sell our house,
thesiteofallofourmemories,
to give cash to a guy you just met
for a business that doesn't exist yet?
No,no,no,no,no,no,no.
I'mnotgoingtogiveittohim.
Thenitwouldbetaxed.
Oh,myGod.
No, we're going to wait till
we're married and combine assets.
It's the least I can
do to support his dream
becausehe'smovinghereforme.
Look what the cat
dragged in. [Laughs]
JEANIE: Whoa!
WAYNE: Me!
You, baby.
- Thank you for your credit card.
You betcha, honey.
- And I got something for you.
Oh, my god.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm leaving.
I'm going to work.
WAYNE: Come on, baby.
Let's dance.
Let's dance.
- I'm going.
Oh, bye, honey.
- Oh, bye, baby, baby, baby.
[music]
[typing]
[typingviolently]
Hey, hon.
- Hm?
So you sent a company-wide email
with zero exclamation marks,
and I'm wondering if you're okay.
My mom wants to marry
Python Pants next week.
Next week?
- Next week.
AndIcan'tletithappen.
Oh, he's really that bad.
- He's awful.
He's making her sell her house to steal
all her money, to start some business.
He's just... He's got his
claws in her deep, you know?
Ew.
- Ew.
Damn.RedFlagCity.
Mm-hmm.
But your mom is a grown-ass
woman, and she'll just
havetolivewiththe
decisionsthatshemakes.
Mymomismentallyateenager.
She can't...
[gasps]
You're right.
- Yeah. Why?
Herdecisions.
I have to make her think it's her
decision to call things off with him.
Yeah.
Butwhatismymom
morethananythingelse?
Horny.
Fair.
Whatelse?
Self-centered.
Yes.
She's been talking about her next chapter
of life for years, so I just have to make
herseeallthepaths shewon'tbeable
to take in her next
chapter if she's with Wayne.
Mm-hmm. Are you sure that this is
the path that you want to take?
Because you've been working so
hard to get your promotion, and...
If I could do this at literally
any other time, I would
but if this man breaks her
heart and steals her nest egg,
I fear she will never recover,
and I have to protect her.
Sothat'swhatI'mgonnado.
[music]
Hi.
- Hi.
Whatareyoudoinghere?
I was just getting in the bath.
Do you want to come in?
Uh, no.
- I've had a bath today, thanks.
I tried calling,
but your voicemail's full.
Oh.
- I have an idea.
What if, instead of flying to Buffalo,
wedrivetoBuffalotogether?
Likearoadtrip?
Abacheloretteroadtrip?
Yeah.I'llplanallthestops.
Wait,butwhataboutyourjob?
Younevertaketimeoff.
I can bring my laptop
and work on the road.
I'vealreadytold Laineytocallme
if there's anything
I absolutely have to handle
because how often does
my mom get married?
[Jeaniegiggles]
Well, I'm pretty sure ceremonies
in Belize don't count in the U.S.
Okay. I'm gonna choose
not to unpack that right now.
I know Wayne might feel a little weird
about being left in a new city all alone.
Oh,no,no,no.
He's so busy scouting
locations for the new business.
Ilovehowindependentheis.
Mm-hmm.
- I'm just gonna tell him
tomeetusinBuffalobeforethe
wedding,anditwillbejustus.
Great!
A mother-daughter
bachelorette party road trip.
Yes.
- We'll leave tomorrow?
Yes.Oh,I'msoexcited.
I love you. [Squeals]
- I love you too, Mom.
I... I just want you
to be so, so happy.
Youknowthat,right?
WAYNE: Jeanie, come back!
Our bubble bath's almost done bubbling.
I gotta go.
I'm so happy.
Love you, honey.
- Okay. See you tomorrow.
[music]
[sighs]
Herewego.
Ta-da!
I just got us a serious
upgrade for next to nothing.
You'rewelcome.
Butwhataboutthetrunkspace?
And what is next to
nothing for a rental car cost?
Don'tworryaboutit.
I'msellingmyhouse.
I'mabouttobeflushwithcash.
Really?
Oh,wait,wait,
wait.Becareful.
Queenie'sinthere.
Youbroughtherremains?
I would never travel without her.
Ifyouweredead,
I'dbringyoualong,too.
Don'teverdothat.
Youcouldn'tstopme.
You'dbedead.
Mom.
We need a picture before we hit the road.
Yeah.
- Okay.
One,two,three.
[shutterclicks]
Andoffwego.
["Proud" by Jason Tarver, Hugo
Russo] I have lived a lonely life
Ooh!Mom?
Yeah?
- Do you have a hair tie?
Oh...holdon.
Okay.
Let me...
- Oh!
Looking through the night
Looking for a light
Ah!
- How's that?
Great,actually.
Somewhere lost at sea
A feather on the breeze
JEANIE: Breeze...
Oh,Ilovethissong!
Carry me away
JEANIE: Away...
Oh,comeon...dancewithme.
Mom, I'm driving.
Ten and two.
Oh,comeon.
Okay...
You keep me strong
Woo!
You give me hope
You...
[gagging]
You make me proud
Oh,IthinkIswallowedabug!
[music]
[Jeanie coughs]
ALICE: Ew.
This would not have happened if you
hadn't insisted on getting a convertible.
Oh,honey,it'sjustafewbugs.
It'snobigdeal.
[Jeanielaughs]
[gasps]Oh,no.
What's wrong?
- I know him.
That guy over there by the brown van.
- Oh...
Ex-boyfriend?
- No!
He's just an annoying
kid I went to high school with.
WesleyDarvin.
[cardoorshuts]
JEANIE:Mm...
Hey, Wesley!
- [gasps] Mom, no!
Yoo-hoo!
ALICE: Stop!
Uh,hi.DoIknowyou?
I'mAliceAnderson'smom.
Sheactuallywanted tosayhitoyou.
She'srightoverhere.
Alice?
Oh,theresheis.
AliceAnderson?
It'sbeenawhile.
Hey.
- Hey.
Hi.
Oh,wow.
She was just saying how
cool she thought your van was.
Oh.
I'veneveraccused
thatthingofbeingcool.
It's, uh, very retro.
- Yeah.
Well, we bought it off the
guy who painted it in 1972.
Ahh. All right.
- Who's we?
Girlfriend?
- No, no.
Mybandmate,Clive.
Uh, I'm in a band.
- Oh, wow.
We'reontour.
And Clive's just in there.
- Mmm.
Clive!
That'sClive.Yeah.
Woo-hoo.
- Hey.
He's,uh...
He'sshy.
Soyoutwoarefriends,huh?
No. Not even a little bit.
- Yeah.
Come on.
You hated me in high school.
I didn't hate you.
- Oh?
I hated the way you were
constantly trying to one-up me.
I don't think I ever tried to one-up you.
IthinkIjustone-uppedyou.
Andyoustillended upvaledictorian.
Youwerevery...
driven.
Anyway,weshouldbegoing.
Oh,no.Wehavea
fewmoreminutes.
Keepcatchingup.
[Aliceclearsherthroat]
I'msorry.Iknew
Irecognizedyou.
Did you... did you come to
school on a horse one time?
Alice's 16th birthday.
ALICE: Mm-hmm.
Shewantedacar.
ButIwasdatingaguy
attheequestriancenter,
and I thought, this
is a pretty cool ride, too.
No-brainer.
We-we talked about that for a solid year.
Yeah, you guys didn't stop
neighing at me in the hallways.
Ihavenorecollectionofthis.
So where's your band playing next?
Uh,we'vegota giginRochester.
So we thought, what the hell,
let's pack up the van,
hit the road, see where
the wind takes us, and we'll,
uh, we'll play small gigs along the way.
Soyou'regoingonatour
withonlyonebookedgig?
Yep.
- Wow.
NottheoverachieverIremember.
Well.Timeschange.
Well, that's pretty weird,
because we're on the way to Buffalo.
Mom.
- So you two should exchange numbers.
We don't have to...
- That's a great idea, actually.
Yeah, see?
- Here, uh, my phone is dead, so...
Anactualold-fashionedpen?
Wow.
Stillcarryoneofthose,huh?
Takethat.
Um,just,uh,textme.
If only to get recommendations for awesome
diners and pit stops along the way.
Uh, maybe we can grab a milkshake
and you and I can reminisce
about the good old days of AP Physics.
CliveandIhavedone
thisroutebefore,so...
Youhearthat,honey?
He'sexperienced.
Okay.
We'revirgins.
We'releaving.
Wow!
- Let's go, Mom. Get in the car.
Um, and, uh, nice, uh, panty pony.
Verychic.
Oh!Helikesyourpanties.
Thesearepantyhoseinmyhair?
Mom!
[music]
Youhavetogooutwithhim.
He'ssocute.
MeandWesleyDarvin?
Noway.
Besides,hewasn'teven
askingmetohangoutlikethat.
Oh.
Idisagree.
Ilikehim.
Yeah, you liking a guy is a red flag.
[laughs]
Youknow,Mom...
Once you get married,
you won't be able to just...
meet cute guys
and flirt with them anymore.
I'm getting married.
I'm not turning into a nun.
Plus,WayneandI
aren'tthejealoustypes.
Oh,really?
Even though he used
to work in strip clubs?
You kinda left that part out
when you said he used to be in sales.
Oh,thepastisthepast.
And I am not judgmental about sex work.
Hmph.Reallythough,Mom?
Doyoueverworrythat...
I'mnotconcernedabit.
Wayne and I have gotten
through some very tough times.
Becausewecommunicate.
[musicplaysonradio]
Hey,Mom.
Takethisfreeway.
[gasps]
ArewegoingtoCheryl's?
Itwouldn'tbeyour
bachelorettepartyifwe
didn't go to see your
oldest bestest friend, right?
[laughs]Woo!
Yeah!
- Yeah!
[doorbellrings]
IknewCherylwas successful,butnotlike
giant-mansionsuccessful.
Whatdidshedoagain?
Oh, she's the head of all product
distribution of the Midwest.
Wow.
- Mm-hmm.
OhmyGod,Jee-Jee.
I'msogladyou'rehere.
Oh.lt'sbeenwaytoolong.
Iknow.
Imean,thelasttimeI sawyou,IthinkIstill
hadmyoriginaleyelids.
[laughs] Now I blink like a 22-year-old.
Oh.
Alice,you'reallgrownup.
OhmyGod.
The last time I saw
you, you were still in that
awkward phase that
girls have when they're 13.
Iwas17.
The world needs
late bloomers. Mm?
Icannotbelievethat
you'regettinghitched,Jee-Jee.
I know.
- I mean, oh my God.
Okay. The only
reason to marry a man
that fast, tight pants,
from a fat wallet.
Or a fat something
else. [Laughs]
Oh,honey,youhavenoidea.
Okay,ladies.
Youtwo.
[Alicesighs]
Youknow,Ijust realizedyou'reactually
like alternate versions of each other.
Youmetworkingtogether.
You both built wonderful careers.
Boughtyourownhomes.
You've done a lot as independent ladies.
Mom,maybeyoushouldbegoing
intobusinessagainwithCheryl.
Your oldest best friend
who you know and trust.
Hm?
I think our business days are over.
Aww.
Cher'slikemybigsister.
Aw,youcallingmeold?
Oh, and have your team of
plastic surgeons come after me?
Never.
- You know me too well.
All right. Mm.
Ladies, finish your champagne.
Igotalittlesurprise.
[classical music plays in background]
JEANIE: What?
ALICE: What is that?
Whatisgoingon?
I'mlikeyourfairygarden.
ALICE:Whatisthis?
Okay, don't look at any of the price
tags, because I already bought 'em all.
Cher,thisistoomuch.
Oh,pishposh.
I mean, you said you haven't
bought a wedding dress yet
and,youknow,I wantedtoassist.
And,youknow,helpAlice.
PoorAliceoverthere.
Find some clothes that aren't so drab.
Drab?
YoulooklikeanHRlady.
ButIamanHRlady.
[Alicelaughs]
Okay.
Wheredowestart?
[upbeatmusic]
Mmm,no.
Oh?
- Oh...
[gasps]Ooh...
[womansinginginFrench]
Hm?
No! I love it.
- [laughing]
Turnaround.
Ilikeit.
SorryifI'mhurtingyou.
Oh,please,honey.
After what you did to me when
you were born, I can take it.
ALICE:Hm.
Thisisfun,Mom.
Yeah.
We haven't had a girls' day
like this in a long time, huh?
Well,wewenttothat
wintermatineelastyear.
Oh,no.
Tax Evasion Garrett met us there.
No,thatwastwoyearsago.
LastyearwasJoblessBob.
Oh.Yeah.
Ihaven'thadthebesttrack
recordwithmen,haveI?
No,youhaven't.
That's why I'm so glad that I met Wayne.
He'ssuchalovelyguy.
Well,youlookbeautiful,Mom.
Agh,badnews,ladies.
LooksliketheDEA areontheirway.
DidshejustsaytheDEA?
Yeah,thisisnotgood.
Apologiesforbeing sucharudehost,
butit'sprobablybest
ifyoujusthittheroad.
Youknow,before thefedsarrive.
Productdistribution.
That'sdrugs.
She'sadrugdealer?
That'showyou'resorich?
Andyoutwoworkedtogether.
WereyoulikePabloEscobar?
Oh, no. We were very
low-level back then.
Here'sisforyou.
Justmakealittleweddinggift.
It was lovely seeing you both.
I'll see you at the wedding.
Okay.
- Go on, honey.
Mom.
- You gotta go fast.
Come on, Mom.
- Faster!
It'sokay.
JEANIE:You'regoing
90milesanhour.
ALICE:Well,yeah.
Oh,myGod.
Cheryl.
AuntCheryl'slikea...kingpin?
[laughs, sighs]
- What?
That'sfunnyyousaythat.
ThatD.A.R.E.program
musthavereallyworked.
Why wouldn't you ever tell me this?
Because I didn't think
you'd ever understand.
Oh,Idon'tunderstand.
Thisissoirresponsible,Mom.
Oh,myGod.
Youcouldhavegonetojail.
Imean,whywouldyouriskit?
There's not a lot of jobs for young single
mothers without a college education.
And I wanted a better life for you.
SoIjustworkeduntilIcould
buyahouseandgetout.
AndIdon'tregretanyofit.
Whoa,Mom.
I guess I never really
thought about it like that.
Imean...
itmusthave beenreallyhardforyou
all by yourself with a newborn
and nobody to rely on.
But you know what?
- What?
NowIhaveWaynetoleanon.
Mysoulmate.
ALICE:Uh-huh.
[music]
What'sthatsmell?
89bucksanight.
Okay.
I'm gonna go freshen
up and see if there's a bar.
Yeah,goodidea.
I'llchange,too.
What?Why?Youlooksogood.
I'm overdressed for a motel bar, no?
Well, at least let me give you something
of mine that kind of shows off the goods.
What makes you think I didn't bring
anything that shows off the goods?
[clearsthroat]
Fine.
Thankyou.
[doorcloses]
[phonevibrates]
Oh,god.
Hi.
Is that Alice Anderson in a sexy
black dress I see on my screen? Woo!
Isittoomuch?
It'ssotight.
No,it'sperfect.
I'm so glad that you're
finally letting loose
and shutting off those
"Girls Gone Mild" vibes.
Apparently we're going to a bar later.
Ilovethat.
It's literally the last thing I want to
do right now, but we're connecting, so...
It'sagreatidea.
You know, your choices should always
bebolderthan yourturtlenecks,Alice.
DeepakChoprasaidthat.
No,hedidnot.
ButIgetyourpoint.
Onedrinkcan'thurt,right?
[rockmusicplays]
Ahh.
Wow.
I can feel the earth spinning, I think.
It'samazing.
That'swhatlovefeelslike.
I'lltakeyourwordforit.
Honey...you'vegottoget
outthereanddatemore.
No.Iwatchedyoubeheartbroken
overandoverformywholelife.
No,nodating.
Mm-mm.
[newsongplays]
Youdon'tdatebecauseofme?
I didn't think you absorbed all that.
Imean...lt'sokay.
Oh,Mom.I'mokay.
Idon'tevenneedaman.
AndIjustalwaysneededaman.
Ya think?
- [laughs]
I...
Sorry.
Ijustmean...
Areyou...
Areyousureyouwant tomarrythisguyyou've
onlyknownforsixdays?
Yeah.
InBuffalo?
WhyBuffalo?
You know I had a hard time growing up.
Myparents...
Iknow,Mom.
Well...
Oneweekend...
WewenttoBuffalo.
Andwehadthebesttime.
Everyonewassohappy.
Itreallyfeltlikefamily.
Hmm.
So I was really sad
when we were leaving and...
Isawthiscouple.
And they were getting
married in the chapel.
Anditwassobeautiful.
AndIjustthought...
IfIevergetmarried...
I'm gonna get married
right here because...
Buffaloisjustthe
happiestplaceonearth.
Iwantyoutobehappy.
But do you think this is gonna last?
Oh,Iwill.
Wayne isn't like any other man I dated.
He only wants what's best for me.
Ipromise.
Youbelieveme,right?
I,um...
Ibelievewe...
Need to ride that.
[upbeatmusicplays]
[gasps]Yes!
Come on.
- Okay.
Jeanie: Get on her, honey!
[Alice yelps]
Yeah! Woo!
- Woo-hoo!
ALICE: Okay...
JEANIE: Look at her go!
That'smygirl!Oh,yeah!
[whooping]
- [crowd cheering and clapping]
Yeah!Shegetsherhipsfromme!
[screams]
Ridethatbull,honey!
Rideit!
She'sdoin'it!She'sdoin'it!
Whoa![screams]
[crowdgasps]
[indistinctchatter]
Oh!Honey!Alice!Alice!
Gotyou!
That'spaybackfortheairport!
[bothlaughing]
Ooh.
- Are you okay, honey?
Yeah.
- You sure?
Yeah. Hundred percent.
I just need one sec.
[Alice vomits]
- Oh!
Oh!Boy!
I don't know what got me worse...
Theboozeorthebull.
Oh.
It'sthebooze.
Trustme.
[exhales]
Hey, we're really close to Columbus.
Youknow,some,um...
Fresh air might really
help me... walk around.
EnjoythebeautyofOhio.
Isn't that pretty far out of the way?
No, it's...
- Or did you plan a stop for us?
No.Noplan.
[music]
Hey,Mom.
Could you go inside
and get me a bottle of water?
Oh,andmaybeaboxofthose
minigasstationdonuts?
Minigasstationdonuts?
Yeah.
The ones with the
powdered sugar all over them.
Oh.
Okay.
HowdidIraiseyousowrong?
Okay.
Thisisgonnawork.
Ijustneeda...
reasontogetusthere.
Okay.
Justaquick...
[music]
Okay,comeon,Alice.
You gotta do this, otherwise your mom
is gonna get fondled by a strip club
con artist with produce
for the rest of your life.
Ew!
Comeon!
Lockin.
Ah!
Shit!
Ow!
Oh,no!
Oh!Honey!
What's wrong?
- I think I chipped my ulna.
Oh!Where'sthat?
It'smyelbow!
Oh...Oh.
I'mgonna...
I'mgonnafindthenearest
doctor'soffice.
[officemuzakplaying]
You bang your elbow and you run
to a plastic surgeon's office?
What do you think they're
gonna do, Botox the bruise?
MissAnderson,I'mDr...
Tim?
Jeanie?
Oh!
- My God.
Youtwoknoweachother?
It'sbeenawhile.
How are you?
- Wow!
So,uh,youfinally
openedyourownpractice?
IalwaystoldyouIwould.
You went to Harvard Medical School?
Uh-huh,yeah.
After the Peace Corps,
I realized my true calling was medicine.
Wow.
And what better way to help
people than cosmetic surgery?
Because when you look
your best, you feel your best.
Iguessthatistrue.
Must be a nice paycheck
too, huh? [Laughs]
Jeanie,it'ssogoodtoseeyou.
Um,wait,Mom.
Is this the Tim you
dated when I was three?
That you said was
the great love of your life?
Um, I might have said
something like that.
Well, I mean, of course
this was before Wayne.
Waitasecond,who'sWayne?
Myfianc.
Oh. Congrats.
- Mm-hmm.
So much you two don't
know about each other.
Maybe we should spend an extra day or two
here and you and this Harvard-educated,
rich doctor with an excellent jawline.
Didyougetthatdone?
Notmybusiness.
Youtwocouldcatchup.
Jeanie,I'vemissedyousomuch.
You!
[screams]
[music]
Iwarnedyou.
Nancy!Oh,youlookterrific!
Hedoesgreatwork!
Nancy, Jeanie just
stopped in with her daughter.
Oh,myGod!Mom?
Iwarnedyou!
Next time you come near my
husband, it would be your last!
Yourhusband?
He is not wearing a wedding ring!
You are not wearing a wedding ring!
No!No,no,no,no,Nancy!
No!Nancy!No!
TIM:You'regonnahurtsomeone.
[clamoring]
Run!
- Nancy! Nancy!
Oh,myGod!Go!Go!Go!Go!
ALICE:Oh,myGod!
Get in the car!
- Oh, my god, Mom!
[screaming]
Go,go,go,go,go!
[car starts]
[screaming]
Ohmygod!
[tiresscreech]
[manyells]
ALICE:Ohmygod!
Don't even think about coming back!
Thatwasinsane.
It'llbefine.
How'syourelbow?
What? Oh, better.
Thank you.
I'mreallysorryit madeusgothere.
Well, you know, it's not like
you knew it was my ex's practice.
Yeah.
Smallworld.
It did seem like you two
were kind of having a moment
therebeforewealmost
gotmurderedbyhiswife.
Youknow,it'sfunny.
I spent the last two decades fantasizing
about Tim, you know, the one who got away.
Yeah.
Now I see exactly what was wrong.
Likethathe'smarried?
Well,yeah,butalso,
heneverstoodupforme.
With Wayne, I always feel so supported.
Yeah.
[siren]
Oh,shit!
I wasn't speeding.
Will you hand me my purse?
Ithrewitintheback.
JEANIE:Ohmygod.
[Alicegasps]
Whyistherecocaineinourcar?
Because Cheryl is
a very generous gift giver.
It'sworthafortune.
Mom,thecopisgonnaseethis.
AndthenI'mgonnagotoprison.
I'm gonna go to prison with my mom.
Ohmygod.
Whatareyoudoing?
Oh my god.
- Okay. Listen to me, Alice.
Men will do anything if you
flirt with them in the right way.
It'soursuperpoweraswomen.
Mom,Ican't.
I'mnotlikeyou.
Yes,youare.
You just have to do three things...
Use his name, laugh at whatever he
says, and give him a look like this.
I can't do that.
- Oh, yes you can.
No.
Itrustyou.Loveyou.
No,Ican't,mom.Ican't.
Uh...Hi.
OfficerDinkleman.
Wow.Coolname.
YouknowwhyIpulledyouover?
No.
OfficerDinkleman.Idon't.
Yougotabustedtaillight.
Well...
[giggles]
Wehitadeer.
Fromtheback.
Crazy,right?
Imean,whataretheodds?
Sofunny.Notforthedeer.
JEANIE: Oh, it's a powder
explosion. [Laughs]
My daughter just loves
those mini gas station donuts.
Dinkleman.
- Gross. No one likes those.
Oh, I do.
They're my guilty pleasure.
Must have spilled them
when we hit the deer. [Laughs]
If you promise to go to a
mechanic, I can give you a warning.
Really?
Mm-hm.Safetravels.
Thankyou.[laughs]
Ican'tbelievethat actuallyworked.
Soproudofyou,honey.
We just have to
work on your flirting face.
Whywasthelip-bitetoomuch?
Mm. I'd have given
more cannibal than coquette.
Okay.
- I can take that feedback.
Speaking of coquette, we need to get
this stuff out of here immediately.
Mm.
- Good call with the donuts, mom.
How'dyoucomeupwiththat?
I still have few tricks up my sleeve.
Yeah.
- Come on. I'm hungry. Let's go.
Okay.
[music]
Isthat...No,itcouldn'tbe.
Don'tIknowyoufrom...
fromhighschool?
Doyouremember?lt'sme.Hey.
Howareyouhere?
Oh,Ijusthappenedtobe
passingbymyfavoritepitstop.
Which is why I recommended
it to your mother yesterday.
ALICE:Oh,didyou?
I thought it would be rude if I didn't
text him after he gave you his number.
Mm.
- So, uh, seeing as you're here,
Clive and I are playing at a festival
nearby,soit'dbegreat
ifyoutwocamethrough.
Oh. We have a lot of
driving to do today, mother.
So, I just don't know that we have time.
Comeon.lt'llbefun.
Youcanleaveimmediately
afterwefinishplaying,
and I will play so fast, just for you.
[Alicelaughs]
Sure.
- Okay. Good. Okay. Great.
Woo!
Good. All right. Uh, Clive
is waiting in the van,
so,uh,Iwilltext youtheaddress.
Okay. Great. Thank
you very much.
And, uh, may I?
ALICE: Yep.
We'llseeyoulater.
Okay.
- Woo-hoo!
This'll be fun.
- What are you up to?
Oh,comeon.
I can feel it.
- Ah.
Unbelievable.
- [laughs]
[crowdmurmuring]
Oh,whatgreatoutfits.
No,thisisnot amusicfestival.
Thisisgonnabesomuchfun.
Ialwayswantedtobeawench.
[modernmusicplays]
JEANIE:Oh,Ilikeyourcape.
Oh,mygoodness.
Whatisoverhere?
Isthisharveststuff?
[modernmusicplays]
Woo.[laughs]
Wow...
On a cold and
rainy afternoon
You found my pieces
Fighting back to life
Facially you're lifting me
From my arms...
Lookatthosefingersgo.
That's why you date
guitarists and not drummers.
Mom!
- Never drummers.
Okay.
[songends]
WESLEY: All right.
Thank you very much.
That'sbeenourtime.
What?Mom?No.Mom.
I'm just gonna...
I'm just gonna be a second.
Okay?
Hey.
Hey.
That was great.
- Thanks.
Imean,really,reallygreat.
Thankssomuch.
Andthankyouso muchforcoming.
Well,yeah.
Wewouldcertainlynot
forbearit,goodsir.[chuckles]
Okay.
It's a little Renaissance
Faire Shake... speare.
You know, we wouldn't have
missed it. [Clears throat]
And, uh, look, I know you said you had
to hit the road or
whatever, but this is a...
reallycoolplaceand,
uh,Idon'tknow,didyou
wanttomaybetakea
walk,checkitoutandcatchup?
Ido,um,it'sjustwe,
well,wehaveaschedule
and I can't really abandon my mom.
Oh.
- Oh, oh, no.
How would I ever find shelter
or ale without my daughter?
Well...
Honey, I know you
think you have to take care
of me, but you don't
because I'm older than you.
Barely.
- Mm-hm.
Why don't you kids go have some
fun and make me a grandbaby?
- Mom! [Wesley laughs] - Oh,
come on, we're at a ren faire.
Just go plunder each other's booty.
- Please ignore her.
WESLEY:Wow.
[Jeanielaughs]
Let'sgo.
Yes.Okay.
Clive, is it?
- Yes.
Come on, Clive, let's
go find a cup of mead.
Yeah,okay.
Let'sdoit.
Let's see what you got, Katniss Everdeen.
Just give it a little...
- [yelps]
Pullitbackalittlebit.
Pull back. You got this.
You got this.
And...
Ha![laughs]
Notbad.
Wait, same time, ready?
- Uh-huh.
Okay,go.
One,two,three.
[upbeatlrishmusicplays]
Two.
Congrats.
Oh,yourlapissocomfy.
[giggles]
Oh.
I look like a princess.
- You absolutely do.
Oh,yes.
Oh,ooh,ooh.
Woo!
Thanks for inviting me and my mom.
Of course.
- This is fun.
Youtwoseemclose.
I didn't mean to open up
a can of worms like I'm so...
That wasn't a trick question or...
It's okay. My mom
and I are a work in progress.
Howso?
Do you want the real answer or...?
Therealanswer.
It's sort of like my whole life
I have been her single mom.
And if I recall, your father
wasn't around, right? Yeah.
Mm-mm.
- Sorry to bring that up.
It'sokay.
You can't miss what you don't know.
Not that I have, like, crazy
daddy issues or something.
I'msorry,I'vegotbadnews.
What?
- You are at a Renaissance faire.
Onadatewitha guyfromaband.
Youhavegotdaddyissues.
Okay.Okay,Iseeyourpoint.
What?
- This is a date, right?
Goodsir.
I do not share a
turkey leg with just anyone.
Okay, well, I'm very happy to hear that.
Now, if only we had some desserts, like
a huge stack of mini-powdered doughnuts.
You like those?
- They're the best dessert easily.
Top ten.
- I know!
They're the greatest.
- Incredible.
Top two.
- My favorite.
Andthey'renottwo.
Wow!
And, just to put your mind at
ease, I grew up in a household
with a happily married couple,
and look how that worked out.
I live in a van, and my parents
don't return my phone calls.
Really?
- Yeah.
I'm...
I'msosorry,why?
I did the whole law school thing,
got a great job at a great firm,
andIwasmiserable.
AndonedayIwas
goingtowork,andthere
was a homeless gentleman
playing some music.
Iwassojealousthathegot
tosing,andIwasstuckwriting
NDAsfordiapercompanies.
So, I gave him all the money
I had in my pocket, and I quit.
Wow.
That'showithappened.
Mm-hm.
- How about you?
I bet you're doing something amazing.
I was so intimidated
by you in high school.
What?
- Yeah!
You were?
- Obviously.
Okay...
Brilliant.Creative.Beautiful.
Iwasshaking inmyorthopedicsneakers
everytimeyouwalkedby.
Well,thatisverysweet.
I'mgoingtodisappointyou.
Idon'tthinkso.
IworkinHRnow.
Itisvery...whatever.
[music]
If you think it's "whatever,"
then you should do something else.
Like, quit my job and become a singer?
I'm just saying that you should
go after whatever you want
because you are too amazing
to settle for anything less.
[music]
What I want is to go back to your van.
Really?
Really.
[trafficnoiseindistance]
[sniffs]
Mm.
[gasps]
Hm?
- We fell asleep?
Mm-hmm.
Oh!Ohno!Hi!
Hi.
- I left my mom alone.
Allnight.Um...Okay.
Uh... Oh my god. I can't
believe we did that last night.
I can't believe I did that last night.
Did...Didwhat?
Becausetherewas...
Wedidalotlastnight.
[laughs]
Wait.Um...Mymother.
Um...When,uh...
WhencanIseeyouagain?
Youwanttoseemeagain.
Yeah.Doyou,uh...
Doyouwanttoseemeagain?
[music]
Yeah.
Well,uh...Howabout,uh...
Just off the top of my head
about a Buffalo, maybe?
Oh?
- Yeah.
You're gonna be there
with your mom, right?
Mm-hmm.
- And we'll be passing through...
[AliceandClivescream]
Um...
- Um...
The mailbox belonging
to Jeanie Anderson is full.
Isfull.Comeon,Mom.
[phonevibrates]
Okay.
Hi!
- Alice! Hi.
Ihavereallybignewsand...
Holdon.Didyougetlaid?
You're glowing.
- Yeah.
Last night, a guy
I went to high school with...
Isleptinhisvan.
Imean,wow.
ThatissomethingthatIwould
do,andthat'snotacompliment.
Iknow!
Well, listen, it's gonna be hard
to be a groupie when they...
promoteyou.
Whatdoyouknow?
I mean, I may have accidentally
eavesdropped on a certain meeting
where they were talking about a director
position, and you don't look excited.
No,I...Iam.Ijust...
I'm just starting to wonder if I want
to be in HR for the rest of my life.
Babe, I've been waiting for you
to say that for two years now.
So you don't think I'm crazy
if I pass on the promotion?
No, I don't think you're crazy,
but speaking of crazy,
how goes Operation Wedding Crash?
[groans]
I'm starting to feel so guilty, actually.
We're having so much fun together.
And I... I don't know,
maybe she's not
this train wreck I always think she is,
or...
thatshedefinitelyusedtobe.
Okay, so you are sleeping in a van,
prioritizing work-life balance,
andgivingJeanie
thebenefitofthedoubt.
Whoareyou?
Idon'tknow.
NewAlice.
Ican'twaittomeether.Bye!
[phone vibrates]
Oh...
Hello?
[music]
Shedidwhat?!
No,I'm...I'mcomingrightnow.
I kn It's circle, circle, flick, nibble.
Blammo!
- Ohhh.
There'sourfavoriteinmate!
Oh, Officer Brent!
[gasps]
Hi,sweetie.
Howareyou?
Uh,notgreat.
You broke into someone's house
and fell asleep on their couch.
What were you doing?
- I had to pee.
After drinking all day with Clive?
And the bathrooms were out of order.
Soyoubrokeinto someone'shouse?
You're lucky the homeowners
don't want to press charges.
Oh,yousee?
Soit'snobigdeal.
Itisabigdeal.
Breakingandentering
isliterallyabigdeal.
There are consequences
for your actions. I mean...
I mean, not in this case, I understand,
but normally in the real world.
Comeon!
Okay, there's no need to be so dramatic.
I mean, it's not like anyone got hurt.
Igothurt.
Iamhurt.
Do you not understand that
worrying about you hurts me?
Worrying all the time, not knowing
if you're okay, following you around,
cleaningupallofyourmesses.
Ihaven'thadaday
tobeirresponsibleever!
I had one night of fun
and you're in jail!
Youthinkthat'sdramatic?
Alice,that'snotfair.
Nothing about our relationship is fair!
[chuckles]
Oh, my god.
I actually can't believe
I thought things were changing!
Ha!
So, there's some paperwork
that needs to be filled out.
Yeah,I'llhandleit.
Ialwayshandleit.
Have fun saying goodbye
to all your fancy new friends.
Ladies.
[music]
[clickstongue]
[music]
Okay...
- Thank you.
Oh,yeah.
Also took the liberty
of charging Mrs. Anderson's
cell phone for her after
we used it to play Heads Up.
Youplayedgamesinjail?
Yourmomtalkedusintoit.
Wehadablast.
[Alicechuckles]
Bet there's never a dull moment
with her around, is there?
No,thereisn't.
Okay, I'll go grab her
personals and bring her out.
Okay,thanks.
[musical ring tone]
[sighs]
Uh...Hello?
JeanieBean!
Oh!Wayne,no,thisisAlice.
Mymom...
can'tcometothe phonerightnow.
Well, I've been calling her
all night. Is she alright?
See, I gotta get her opinion on
the location for Suds and Swig.
Huh?SudsandSwig?
Yeah,see,that'sthe
businesswe'restarting.
It's a laundromat that's also a bar.
Now, listen up.
Get this. You ready?
[singing jingle] Get your clothes
washed while you get sloshed.
[laughs]
It'scatchy,right?
Mmm,genius.
See, only thing is, she's gotta
apply for the liquor license.
Ican'tlegallydoit.
Even though that "incident"
was 30 frickin' years ago.
Wayne?
Yeah.
The reason my mom can't come to the phone
right now is because
she met someone else.
I'msorry.lt'sover.
Hold on. Hold on.
Hold on here.
Thatcan'tbe.
Yousee,we'resoulmates.
You know, we're two sunny
bunnies and a honey hutch.
Iunderstandthatthisis,um,
probably hard to hear, but, you know,
she and, uh, Daryl are very much in love.
If you're...
[Wayne cries]
Just so very happy together
and she didn't know
howtotellyou, becauseshedoes
really care about
you, but the wedding is off.
I'msorry.Goodbye.
Daryl!
Daryl!
WhatkindofnameisDaryl?
I'llbeamonkey'suncle.
[music]
Block.
Jeanie:Sweetfreedom!
I'vegotyourphone.
Thank you.
- Mm-hm.
JEANIE:Okay.
Let'ssee.
Okay.
Everythingishere.
We're all set.
- Okay, great. [Screams]
Whatisthat?
It's Queenie.
I told you.
Yougotherstuffed?
Well, I couldn't say
goodbye to this wittle face.
Oh,no!
Has she been with you this whole time?
Itoldyouthat.
I thought you meant
you were bringing her ashes!
Ew!
No!
Was she with us all day at the festival?
Well, I couldn't leave
her in the hot car.
That wouldn't be right.
- Mom.
Also, the rental car
would smell like formaldehyde.
Ew!
Oh,pleaseputheraway.
Ifeellikeshe'sstaringatme.
I'msorry,sweetie.
Aw.
- Ugh.
[music]
JEANIE: Are you still
mad at me, sweetie?
ALICE:Let'sjust
forgetaboutit.
Wehavealongdayaheadofus.
[music]
[enginestops]
[sighs]
Hmm.
Mom.
Mom!Oh!
Hi.
Wait.
Wherearewe?
Comeon.
You'llsee.
We're here because
it's a part of your history.
College is the chapter
that you never got to finish.
Oh...Idon'tneedtofinishit.
Mom, your dream was to be a veterinarian.
No, and then I got pregnant with you
and my dream became being your mom.
But I don't want you to
give up your dream for me.
Youcouldhaveboth.
I spoke to the dean, and they offer
continuing education classes for adults.
This could be your next chapter, Mom.
Honey, I appreciate what you're trying to
do, but I don't have that dream anymore.
And I don't have very good
memories about this place.
Mom.
I know leaving here early was hard.
Butyoucancomeback.
Youcandothis.We'rehere.
Let'sgoin.
Forme.
[chatter]
What if I run into some
of my old classmates?
Mom.
Anyone you went to college with has
either graduated, retired, or is dead.
Oh.
Right.
- Right?
Yeah.
- Okay.
Okay.
The dean of the veterinary
school has office hours today.
Getting a brochure can't hurt, right?
JEANIE:Sure.We'rehereanyway.
Justrighthere.
Oh.Mom.
Mom.
Ohh...CanIpetyourdog?
Okay.
Oh.
DeanStevens.
Hi.
Areyouastudentattheschool?
Oh.No.I'mnotastudent.
Thankyouthough.
Mymomusedtobe.
Hey.Mom.
Mom.
Comemeetthedean.
Huh?
Peter.
- Jean?
Peter,Ihadnoidea.
Oh,Isee.
Hebroughtherhereforwhat?
Guilt? More money?
- No.
Let'snotforget you'reanadult.
Alegaladult.
Alice.Weneedtogo.
Jean, I gave you $10,000
to not be involved.
We had an agreement.
- Hey!
We don't want your goddamn money!
Mymomraisedmeallonherown.
Boughtusahouseonherown.
Paidformycollegeonherown.
Wedon'tneedanythingfromyou!
[music]
Comeon,mom.
Comeon.
[sighs]
I didn't want you to find out that way.
You didn't want me to find out at all.
Didyoulovehim?
IreallythoughtIdid.
ButthenIgotpregnant.
AndIsawtherealhim.
You could have told me who he was.
Peter made it very clear
that he didn't want contact.
Notever.
So...
I just decided it was better to lie
rather than make you feel unwanted.
Iunderstandyouwanting
toprotectmeasachild.
ButwhenIgotolder...
Ididn'tknowhowtotellyou.
Ihadalreadyliedforsolong.
Ijust...
Ijustthoughtitwas
bettertoleaveitalone.
Yeah.
I...
Thatmakessense.
[exhales]
Let's just go to a motel
and call it for today.
I'mexhausted.
Soundgood?
Okay.
- Okay.
] I've tried Wayne six times and
it still says it's not in service.
Hmph.
Imean,hedoesuse apay-as-you-go.
So, he probably just hasn't
had time to get a new card.
Running around, getting
ready for the wedding.
I mean, I can't
believe that's already here.
It'stomorrow.
Yeah,meneither.
[music]
Okay,well...
I'llgotakeoffmyface.
Justkidding.
I'llkeepit.
ALICE:Mm.
Night.
- Night.
[music]
[doorcloses]
[exhales]
[groanssoftly]
[music]
I got it.
- Okay.
I'm supposed to meet Wes
at the Canal Park Overlook.
If you want to meet me there after.
Okay.
I thought I'd take pictures
with Queenie by the water.
Mm.
- Try Wayne again.
Hisphonestillisn'tworking.
Andthewedding'sinsixhours.
Buthe'llbethere.
Iknowhewill.
So...Okay,well...
Gohavefun.
FindWes.
[clockbellringing]
Hey.
- Hey.
So happy you're here.
- Oh, yeah.
I was starting to get nervous
when I didn't get your text back.
Oh, sorry. Uh...
- You're good.
Where'dyouparkyourvan?
Justafewblocksaway.
Why?
Well,let'sgo.
Hey.Wait.Youokay?
Yeah.I'mfine.
Come on.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Don'tgetmewrong.
Thethoughtofsleeping
togetheragainsoundsincredible
but I thought maybe we
could go for a walk first.
Talk.Hearhowyou'vebeen.
Trust me. You don't want
to hear about any of that.
Of course I do.
- Let's just... Come on.
Alice,stop.
Iseverythingokay?
No. It's not.
My mom got arrested.
What?
Because I chose myself for one
night and I hung out with you.
And I wasn't watching out for her.
Then I met my long lost father
who it turns out is really a dick.
And my mom has actually
known about him my entire life.
And chose to keep him a secret from me.
So, no, Wes, everything is not okay.
And I would just love to be distracted
and go and have some fun, meaningless sex.
Because apparently
that's a thing that I do now.
Meaningless.
Imean...
Please don't pretend
to be heartbroken about it.
Iknowthat'swhatmenwant.
Sexwithoutcommitment.
I'm...I'min.
Yougotit.
That'snotwhatIwant.
Okay.
Tellmewhatyouwant.
Well...
Well, for starters,
how about some clarity
with the girl I've liked
since the ninth grade?
Maybe take her out on a real date?
Seewherethingsgo?
Wherearethingsgonnago,Wes?
I have a stable, regimented life in St.
Louis and you live in a van.
Can we just let this fling be what it is?
Canitjustbefun?
Isthatclearenoughforyou?
Yeah.
Look, I'm not trying to hurt you.
I'mjusttryingtoberealistic.
Areyou?
Or are you just giving
up on something before
you've even tried because
you're too damn scared?
I'llseeyouaround.
[music]
Hi,sweetie!
Hi,where'sWes?
Uh...He'sgone,Mom.
I-Idon'twanttotalkaboutit.
Can we just go?
- What?
Please.
- Oh! Wayne!
Honey,whatever Idid,I'msorry.
Ijusthadtocomeseeyou.
Howdidyouevenfindushere?
Well, we share locations on our
phone, just like we share everything.
Atleastweusedto.
Please,baby,justtalktome.
Look, we don't have to start a business.
Hell, we don't even
have to get hitched today.
Ijustloveyousomuch,baby.
I'lldoanything.
Don't give up on us.
Please, babe.
I'mjustbeggingyou.
I'mbeggingyou,please.
[crying]
You're the one who hasn't called.
I've been so worried,
and your phone's not working.
Whatyoutalkingabout?
Icalledyou14timesyesterday.
Ever since Alice told me
you found someone new.
And I'm going to tell you this right now.
I will fight this Daryl guy for your
love, or form a... a... a throuple.
YoutoldhimImetsomeoneelse?
Wayne, can I have a minute
alone with my mom, please?
Well,surething.Uh...
Okay,I'llbeback.
I'll be back.
Don't forget about me.
[blowing kisses]
- Don't forget about me.
Don'tgofar.
Mom,I'msosorry.
I was only trying to
protect you from yourself.
Well, lying to me is not protecting me.
Exceptforwhenyoudoit?
Do you have any idea
how much it hurts me?
That you have known
who my father is my whole life?
AllthosetimesIaskedyou?
I'msorry,honey.
I know I made mistakes back then.
You'restillmakingthem,Mom.
And I am trying so hard
to help you because I love you.
AndIloveyou.
Butyoudon'tlisten.
Of course I do.
- No, you don't.
I tried to talk to you about my concerns
about Wayne and
you just brushed them off.
I planned this entire trip
to try to get through to you.
To show you that there's a better path
foryouthanmarryingsome
weirdothatyoujustmet
whose boozy laundromat
is gonna bankrupt you.
Alice! I know you
don't support this.
Butthisismylife.
And you have to accept
that I'm making good decisions.
All that's happened this week is that
you're a magnet for bad decisions.
And I don't know that I have the energy
to keep helping you
clean them up anymore.
Well, I'm not asking you to, honey.
Maybe you just like fixing my life
so you don't have to live yours.
What?
You need to be the new
Alice that I've seen
coming out of her shell this week.
Youhavetostop playingitsafe.
You have to have fun.
- You want me to have fun like you?
[sighs]
Honey, I know I haven't
always been the best mother.
And I wish I had grown up sooner
so that you didn't have to.
But I have always
done right by my daughters.
And you and Queenie...
- Don't
Are just the light...
- No, Mom!
Thisisnotyourdaughter!
Thiswasadog!
Thiswasadog!
Iamnotadog!
I am your daughter!
[both scream]
[splash]
JEANIE:Queenie!
[girl screams]
ALICE: Oh!
ALICE:Oh,myGod.
Mom,Ididn'tmeantodothat.
She threw a puppy into the river!
No, I didn't.
Well, I mean, I did.
Butitwasn'talive.
It was stuffed.
It was dead before.
I...Oh,myGod.
Ican'tdothis.
Mom, I can't do this. I...
[Jeanie gasps]
It hurts me too much to
watch you throw your life away.
I have to go.
I'm sorry.
Alice!
[phonevibrates]
Hello.
Alice!
It'sCheryl.
Whenwillyoubehere?
I'mnotcoming.
What?
You'rethemaidofhonor.
Iknow.
Mom and I had a big
fight, and I'm not coming.
Oh, my God.
Listen.
I knew that she was
eventually gonna blow up at you
for your mind-gamey,
don't-get-married road trip.
Wait...Sheknew?
Thewholetime?
You're about as
subtle as a yeast infection.
Jeanie told me about it, you
know, when you two were here.
Butsheswore thatitwasallworthit,
but, you know, to spend
all that time with you.
You're really not coming
to your own mother's wedding?
No.
I-Idon'tknow whattotellyou,Cheryl.
Igiveup,okay?
I'm going to return the rental car.
I'mflyingbacktoSt.Louis.
I doubt she even wants me there anyway.
Shelovesyou,youknow?
She loves you more than anything.
[song plays on car radio]
Give what I couldn't give
Uhhhh......
[Alicechuckles]
You know the movie "Cars?"
I know it's not real,
but I think this one felt pain.
[chuckles]The-the goodthingis...
Ididgettheinsurance.
Holdon.
I guess that's good.
- I have it here somewhere.
[music]
Mm.
[sighs]
I actually need the car for one more day.
I have to be...
- Oh, no. I-I can't do that, miss.
Look at this thing.
It's a liability issue.
[closes door] That's okay.
Just rent me something else.
Please.
- Oh, no.
Allourothercarsarebooked.
Allofthesecarsarebooked?
Youwantanothercar?
Lookatwhatyoudid
tooneofourbestcars!
Iknow.
[music]
[sweetly]Iknow.
IknowIdidabadthing.
[whispers] I was kind of a bad girl.
But if you... if you could
help me out, I promise you,
Iwilltakesuch goodcareofher.
I just need her for just one more day.
Eh...
Keith?
Keith, is it?
- Uh...
Thisisapowerfulname.
Yeah,it'sCeltic.
Really?
It means "wood."
CelticKeith.
Sobigandstrong.
Couldyoupleasejustbe
powerfulformeandhelpmeout?
All right.
- [squeals]
I'm gonna have to run it by my boss.
Or...
Or...
We...
[music]
We could keep this between you and me.
Oh.
- Oh.
Oh.Youliketoparty.
Yeah.
I do.
Sometimes.
I'mcool.
Thankyou,Keith.
Bye, miss.
- Bye!
[car starts]
Oh, I gotta call Mom.
Hey,Mom!
[music]
I have lived a lonely life
Okay...
A wave on broken ice
Where?
Looking through the night
[car sputtering]
Oooh... no, no, no, no, no...
Damn it.
[car dies]
[Alice gasps] Oh! I should
have listened to Keith!
No!
No,no,no,no,no,no!
Ow!
[Wayne exclaiming]
[crowd murmurs]
There'smybaby!
[laughs]
[laughsexcitedly]
Oh!
Oh,I'mcoming,Mom!
Oh, my god!
You see this girl?
Oh, my girl!
You look beautiful!
To feel like I belong
What?
You make me proud
You are my song
CHERYL:Today,we
joininmarriage.
JeanieAndersonandWayneFuji.
Whoo!
- Wayne, do you have the rings?
WAYNE: Wha... got you...
- Oh!
Put on your dainty little finger.
Doyou,WayneFuji,takeJeanie
Andersontobeyourlovingwife?
Helltotheyeah.
I am not afraid
There is strength in change
And do you, Jeanie Anderson,
take Wayne Fuji to be your loving husband?
I...
ALICE:Wait!Wait!
Alice,you'rehere!
Yeah.
- Wait!
Toobject?
No,I'mheretosupport.
I'msorryI'mlate,Mom.
That'sokay.You'rehere.
That'sallthatmatters.
Iloveyousomuch.
Iloveyoutoo.Iwouldn't
missthisfortheworld.
I mean, how often does
my mom get married?
[sotto]NotcountingtheBelize.
I'm really sorry that I lied to you both.
I,um...
No,honey.
I'msosorryIdidn't
tellyouaboutyourdad.
And for not realizing how much
I put on you all those years.
Whydon'twecalliteven?
Since I launched Queenie into the river.
Um, speaking of...
[whistles]
Apparently you can adopt a dog
in Buffalo in five minutes.
[guests murmur]
JEANIE: Oh my goodness!
Whoisthisangel?
This is a wedding present and an apology.
I have filled out all of the adoption
papers and paid all of the fees.
So all you have to do is name him.
I'mgonnanamehimKingy.
Okay.
- Oh! Oh, I love him.
Thank you, sweetheart.
You know me so well.
You'rewelcome.
Iloveyou,Mom.
Okay.
Okay.
Honey.What'swrong?
I'm sorry, Darlin',
but... Sweetheart.
I apologize, but don't
you remember at the retreat?
I told you that I was
allergic to doggies.
I just thought that
was a sick, dark joke.
Holdup.
Gatheryourself,Wayne.
Here'sthething.
I'mgonnataketheBenadryl.
I'mgonnataketheClaritin.
I'mgonnaevengetthesteroids.
If I can't get them, I'm gonna find them.
Oh, yeah.
- Because I love you.
I love you, and I'll do anything for you.
A puppy, a doggy, whatever you want.
Iloveyou.
Pleasecontinue,Cheryl.
Allrighty,then.
Jeanie, do you take Wayne...
- No, wait a second.
Icannotdothistothisman.
Iloveyou,honey.
Oh, Kingy, I'm sorry, but
I love this human man so much.
And clearly, he would do anything for me.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm trying to be more
responsible like my daughter.
So, Kingy, I'm gonna
have to find you a new home.
No,no,no,Iobject.
[guestsgasp]
Oh,no,nottothis.
IjustmeanI'lltakethedog.
Oh, Alice, you don't have
to do that. [Crowd relieved]
Igotit.
NewAlice,remember?
Oh,honey,I'msoproudofyou.
Lookatme.
I'ma...
Igotadog.
Okay.
In conclusion, Jeanie Anderson, do you
take Wayne Fuji to be your loving husband?
Ido.
Ido.
I do, I do, I do, I do...
[Wayne laughs]
AndIpronounceyou husbandandwife.
You may kiss... er, okay.
Kiss away.
[applause]
Whoa!
Woo!
Mom!
[guestscheering]
Dreamcometrue!
Dreamcometrue!
Dreamcometrue!
Let'spartynow!
Party!Woo-hoo!Iloveyou!
Hey,there'smymaidofhonor.
Hey, baby.
- Hi.
Hey!
Whoinvitedyou?Haha!
[chatter]
Congratulations,Mom.
Youlooksobeautiful.
Aw,thankyou,honey.
Where'sKingy?
Oh, um, Aunt Cheryl said she wanted to
take him for a spin on the dance floor.
[Jeanielaughs]
Yeah.
[musicplays]
Areyouallright?
Iknowyoudidn't
reallywantthisforme.
Mom,Iamsohappyforyou.
Truly.
Ijust...
I'mrealizingthat Iwantthistoo.
YouwantaweddinginBuffalo?
No.Butlove.
Tobewithsomeonewho woulddoanythingforme,
likeWaynewillforyou.
It...
It'sreallyspecial.
AndIthinkIhadashot
atit,butIgotscared.
I don't want to be
scared all the time anymore.
Weswasprettyspecial,huh?
Yeah,hewas.
Well...
maybe you'll run into him sometime
and then you never know what will happen.
[laughs]
No,I'mprettysurehehatesme.
Hm.
I'mnotsosureaboutthat.
[musicplaying]
Ihiredthemas theweddingband.
Whatareyouwaitingfor?
Go get him.
- Yeah.
Hm.
Hey, I know I was a jerk and I said...
- Uh-huh.
Some pretty awful things...
- Yeah.
ButIreally, reallylikeyou.
And that's a little scary for me.
That never happens to me
because I never let it happen.
I don't want to pull
back this time with you, so...
Would you maybe give me a second chance?
Wecan...
seewherethisthinggoes?
Yeah,it'sadate.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
Okay.
[music]
Woo!
[applause]
Hi,Mom.
Yup.
- Yep.
JEANIE:Oh!Uh!
Whoisit?
It'sme,Mom.
[laughs] Woo!
- Wow.
Hi.
Whathappenedinthere?
Oh,honey.
Marriageisbliss.
Mom,I'msohappyyou'rehappy.
WAYNE:lsthatAlice?
It'sAlice,honey.
Hey!Hi!
Hi.
Can I have a moment with you right now?
Uh-huh.Yeah.
I am so psyched to be part of your life.
Thanks.
That'sreallysweet.
I'm really happy to have you in my life.
Oh, thank you.
- As my Wayne.
[Jeanie gasps]
Really?
Yeah.
And, um, hey, for
what it's worth, I actually
think your boozy laundromat
is a really good idea.
Really? Why don't
you come on in?
We'llordersomegrub.
We'llhangout.
GotabigscreenTV.
Um, it's getting pretty
close to checkout time, and...
Um, honey, I know we talked
about flying back together.
Youwanttochangetheplan.
I do. I-I swear. I am gonna
work on being more stable.
Mom, it's okay. I actually
want to change the plan, too.
Uh,youdo?
Yeah.
Um,lastnight,Wesinvited
meontourwiththeband.
Justacoupleweeks.
But I've never taken a trip
that wasn't for work till now.
AndIwanttodo somethingforme.
Yeah.
- And what about your job?
Well, I have my laptop with me,
and if they don't like that,
I'm...okaywithit.
Oh, honey, that is so irresponsible.
I am so proud of you.
I'mgonnamakeyouapromise.
Iwillnotputthehouse
onthemarketuntilyoureturn.
Then,wewillgo throughitalltogether.
And we can organize it or whatever
your cute little type-A brain wants.
Thatreallymeans alottome,Mom.
Come here.
- Oh, come here.
Oh,grouphug.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
I love you.
Byebye!Woo-hoo!
[baby-talkingtoKingy]
Okay.
You good to go?
- Yeah.
Hello.
- You ready to go?
[music]
Hey,Clive.
Youreadytogo?
Yep.
- Okay.
[Kingywhimpers]
WES:Good.Okay.
Let's go.
- All righty.
[startscar]
ALICE: So, Rochester's
the next stop.
- What's after that? WES:
After that, we play it by ear.
ALICE: Cool. I love that. Just
see where the wind takes us.
WES: It's killing you, isn't it?
ALICE: 100%.
So, last night, I actually came
up with a potential schedule.
It'sreallyloose.
WES: This is
color-coded by hour.
ALICE:No,no.
See, these two hours right here, those
are scheduled, unscheduled free time.
WES: You're insane.
You know that, right?
ALICE: Yeah, I get
it from my mom.
[musicfadesout]
[music]