Brothers After War (2023) Movie Script

1
I'm a family member.
I'm usually qualified
to be sitting out there
with you as a family member.
My younger brothers
have deployed 15 times
between the two of them.
Isaac and Joe have been
fighting the war on terror
for 20 years.
From 2005 to 2007,
I went to Iraq three times.
Armed only with a camera,
I was in combat with snipers...
Did you get them?
-Marines...
-I don't want a long story.
Just answer my questions.
Yes or no.
Paratroopers,
and the Iraqi Army.
I expect you to fight.
I felt the adrenaline rush...
Holy shit!
Witnessed utter sadness,
and experienced firsthand
the tough transition
from the war front
to the home front.
The result
was "Brothers at War."
This one is different.
It's not a political film.
There's no political agenda.
It's a personal agenda
about a guy who just wants
to get to know his brothers
and what they're doing
and why they do it
and why they're serving.
And through
the course of the film,
you see him discover that,
and when he does,
he discovers some good
things about himself, too.
I rededicated my career
to helping service members
by developing a series
of resiliency workshops.
In the past decade, I've
presented these workshops
to over 30,000 service
members and their families.
I've done so many workshops
for so many soldiers.
I've seen so many warriors
come home.
Some of them commit suicide
a couple weeks
before I get there.
Um...
I've had so many people
talk to me
about the devastation
that they faced
either overseas that they
weren't able to overcome
or what they faced
when they came home.
When I came back home
from Iraq in '05,
I was angry at everybody,
but I couldn't be angry at them
because they didn't understand
what I understood.
The feelings that you
are expressing right now
are something that literally
hundreds of thousands
of service members feel.
And by the fact
that you're willing
to stand here and talk about it,
there's other people
in this room
that may be
a little shyer about that,
but you're giving them
some relief,
and you're opening up
a reality of being a soldier.
One of the hardest parts
of being a warrior,
and it's always been this way,
is coming home.
The reason why I'm doing
this documentary right now
is because I want to see
how the guys that
I embedded with years ago
are doing,
how they're really doing,
like, what's really
happening with them.
I'm gonna come home,
and the one thing
I'm gonna want to do
is just pick her up, grab her,
and hug her.
And the reality of it is,
she may not let me
because she won't remember
who I am.
Mmm. Hey, baby.
I'm gonna have to go home
and reacquaint myself
with my own daughter
and prove to her
that I love her.
Hunter, look.
Look. Da-da.
I don't know how he's doing it.
I couldn't do it.
I couldn't leave her.
Hunter's at a good age
where she doesn't
necessarily notice
in the moment that he's gone.
I remind her of him
all the time.
But I think the person
it's toughest on is Isaac.
If I'd not come home from that,
she never would
have known who I am.
I wanted to be interviewed
because a lot of kids
don't know what it's like
to have your dad
go on six deployments.
You went with him,
and you know what was going on.
And I don't really know
what's going on,
so I don't know what he's doing
or if he's okay.
And it was a couple weeks,
maybe a month
before she got really
comfortable around me again.
And then, uh,
probably six months.
It was probably six months
before I was able
to be her dad again.
And that's...
That's the shitty part.
Where they don't, uh...
They don't recognize you as dad.
You kind of get used
to the fact that...
they're not in the next room.
It gets harder each time
because I worry about the
cumulative impact on them.
Well, sometimes
when I'm going to sleep,
I have nightmares about it,
and then I get scared.
What happens in the nightmares?
Daddy, he's in the desert,
and then he gets shot,
and then he never comes home.
Switch, switch, switch, switch!
Target's down!
Now battalion commander,
Isaac is training his soldiers
for an upcoming deployment
to Africa.
-Man moving!
-Go!
These are big boys.
Give me a little bit
of a boost on my back,
all right?
Casualty that we've got
is about 230 pounds.
Makes it a much more realistic
problem set for them.
This is the team leader here
behind the car.
He's trying
to control everything
and report to higher.
He's got his team sergeant
maneuvering.
Let's go.
I'm hearing him
on the radio as well.
Three-three-Alpha.
We got three-seven-Alpha.
So, the bloody bob is something
that I would say
our unit has to have.
They bleed. They move.
They have various amputations
and deep wounds.
We have to challenge our guys
with something like that
that gives real time feedback.
If you don't tighten
your tourniquet
tight enough,
it won't stop bleeding.
If you don't hold an inguinal
wound for three minutes
with the right pressure
in the right direction,
the casualty dies.
When you get into Fallujah
and your life is on the line...
it is extremely hard to explain,
but your life's not on the line.
It's your buddy's life.
Hold 'em!
Back, back, back!
They had done what
they could to revive him.
It didn't work. And they...
He was laying
in a plastic body bag
with his hands on his chest.
And I reached down
and put my hand on his chest
and squeezed.
And it was his hand.
And I could... I could tell.
Through the body bag,
I knew that was his hand.
And that just...
that crushed me.
I could feel it. I had shaken
his hand so many times.
You've got flashes
and casualties.
Your element's
starting to get strung out.
You definitely want to
maintain 100% accountability,
knowing that that's the last man
so that nobody gets left
out there in the brush alone.
37, this is 6.
First casualty's made it in.
Why do you train
your soldiers so hard?
I don't want to lose one.
Uh...
I mean, I've always taken
that responsibility
pretty personally.
That it's my job to, yes,
accomplish the mission.
The army charges me with that.
But it's also my responsibility
to bring every one
of my soldiers home alive.
Some of my reasons
for going, I'm sure,
were personal.
I wanted to see
if I could do it, handle it.
But I didn't really have
anything back here.
That you were sacrificing?
I don't have a family
like you have.
In 300 meters,
turn right onto Moskevsk.
I had a two-year
international battle
to be in my children's lives.
I now share 50-50 custody
with their mother.
Hi, guys.
Can I get a hug?
You want a hug?
You got your bag?
Are you ready to go?
There was a time
when I didn't know
if Noel was gonna be
in my life at all.
I only saw him for five weeks
out of the first year
of his life.
He was honestly a lost cause.
But those are the only ones
worth fighting for.
Noel, do you want me
to put you in?
Want to get in there?
Looks like some camera guys
are following us.
-I think so.
-Do we have to bring them?
Just ignore the camera guys.
So this trip is about grabbing
my kids from Prague
and taking them into Italy
and introducing them
to their cousins.
This is gonna be the first
time that Joe and I have done
a family vacation together
in decades.
Are you excited
to eat Italian food?
If there's spaghetti done, yes.
By the time
my brother Joe was 19,
he was already a combat veteran.
Can you ever really
be ready for war?
If you're willing to live
in a country like this,
so many freedoms
and opportunities,
I think you should be willing
to lay down your life
if necessary.
Was there any life-changing
moments over there?
Some of the little girls
would run out,
wonder if we drove by and wave
through the Humvees and such.
And you knew they really
cared about us being there.
And it made me feel like I was
actually doing something,
not just going over
to some foreign country
because I'm told to do so.
Made me feel like
I was making a difference
in the world, you know,
helping other people.
What's up, buddy?
How you doing, sweetheart?
You want to give me
a hug up here?
Hi.
Joe, now a master sergeant,
is stationed in Italy.
Love you.
You don't take prisoners, Joe?
How am I supposed to take
prisoners in a two-man team?
Come on, Jacob.
Doesn't make any sense.
I don't know how else
I'm gonna do this.
I didn't plan for the cameraman
to go in the car with me.
Okay. But you have four...
You only have...
You have a car seat.
I can only fit
four people in there.
I have two car seats
and two of those seats.
And then I have a shotgun
passenger and a driver.
That's six, right?
I have four seats in my car.
Two of those
are filled with car seats.
The other two
are driver, passenger.
That's it. My back is gone
because all the stuff's
in the back of there.
Oh.
Does it pretty much fill it?
-Yes. We just filled it.
-All right.
Now, if you wait too long
and we mess around here,
my kids are all going
to be asleep when we get home
and there'll be
no light to shoot.
Okay.
-You ready? Let's go.
-Let's go.
Look. Look.
It says "Rademacher."
Rademacher.
Oh, my goodness.
You guys are so cute.
Who's that, Gabe?
This is Noel.
Why don't you say hi
and give hugs?
Wanna say hi?
This is Josie.
Oh, my God. Josie.
Remember Gabriel?
Can we give Gabriel a hug? Oh.
Joe and Danielle
married in 2013.
They've been
through six deployments
in the last eight years.
Joe wanted to take me
to the exact location
where our grandfather,
Lieutenant Joseph Rademacher,
who Joe was named after,
was shot down
on his 17th bombing mission.
He evaded capture
and spent the last six months
of World War II
fighting side by side
with Italian partisans.
What's cool about it
is Grandpa
was special operations.
He was like original gangster.
Like, this is before the CIA.
This is before JSOC.
This is before special forces.
Tell me a story from your life
that you thought of
when you started
to hear Grandpa's story.
I just thought about
everything I've done.
-Like what?
-I don't know.
Everything that I did
that I can't talk about.
-Okay, so talk about that.
-Talk about what?
Talk about the stuff
you can't talk about.
I just said I can't talk about.
Right, right, right.
You can't talk about
"I was here at this time.
I did this.
This was my mission."
But you can talk
about the human being
that went
through these experiences.
That's invigorating, I guess.
Adrenaline. Yeah, sure.
I mean, think about it.
He was bombing
and getting shot at by flak.
Jumped out of an airplane
and then invading capture.
If that doesn't get
your blood running,
I don't know what it does,
you know?
Jesus Christ!
Joe came back from Iraq in 2006
and then went
to Afghanistan in 2007
with the 82nd Airborne.
He was in combat
almost every day.
Crazy shit going on now.
While an instructor
at sniper school,
Joe tried out
and was selected for RRC,
the elite reconnaissance company
of the 75th Ranger Regiment.
He deployed with
the Special Operations Unit
to Somalia
and Afghanistan six times.
Do you think of yourself
as a hero?
No.
-No?
-No.
Not at all.
-Justin!
-Do your best.
Let me tell you something.
It's funny.
Whenever people like,
"Thanks for your service,"
you know what I tell them
when I'm with Danielle?
"Thank her for her service
'cause really, truly,
she serves more than I do."
What are the sacrifices
that a military spouse
like yourself makes?
I don't know where to start.
Um...
The first thing that comes
to mind is my children.
I have to see Daddy leave,
you know, through their eyes,
and it breaks my heart.
Every time that we had
to say good-bye to Daddy
and dropping Joe off,
literally putting them
in their car seats
while they were screaming
their heads off.
Because they knew,
especially Gabriel, deep down
that they weren't gonna
see Daddy for a while.
Gabriel got to a point
where he started to run
the opposite direction
whenever Dad called.
"I don't want
to speak to Daddy."
He couldn't because
he was hurting too bad,
and he couldn't express it
because he was so little.
What's your job?
Look for trouble.
Look for bad guys.
Wait for stuff to happen.
Wait for the guy
to be in the wrong place,
the wrong time,
doing the wrong thing.
And when he is?
He flies.
Going to bed at night,
knowing there's a possibility
he couldn't come home.
I mean, let's talk about that.
That's a huge thing in itself.
I'd had it. I'd had enough.
Joe told me you said to him,
"It's the Ranger Battalion
or me, baby."
Is that true?
Talk to me about that moment.
It was so beyond stressful.
I had three kids.
They were three, one and a half,
and four months old.
If, God forbid, something
ever happened to him,
how the hell would I do this?
How would I do this?
How could I do this?
And then how could I raise them
with everything
that I wanted for them
without their father
being there?
Oh, how are you feeling?
Good, sweetie.
But he, too,
also missed his babies,
and he felt the same.
And I was very relieved
that when he came home
and I put them on his shoulders,
he was like,
"Babe, I'm done. I can't.
I miss you guys too much."
And it was the biggest relief
I've ever, ever felt.
Joe invited his colleague,
Major Mike DiFabio,
an expert on World War II,
to illustrate our
grandfather's experience
fighting alongside
Italian partisans.
And those units
would suddenly disband.
And not like disband,
like, "Oh, go home."
You wake up one morning
and the commander's gone,
and you're in the barracks.
Everybody's staring at each
other, "What do we do now?"
So your grandfather
was very fortunate
to link up with the right guys
at the right time.
And then he obviously trusted
those guys enough
to stay there
and continue to operate
for the rest of the war.
I have a question for you.
When you were talking about
the mistakes the Nazis made
in disbanding the Army
and then turning
all these Italian experienced
soldiers essentially loose
who became partisans,
it reminded me of what we did
in Iraq as Americans.
You just did it.
So you agree with me...
where we went in
and we told the Iraqi Army,
"You're going to have a job.
We're going to work with you."
And then
we took over the country.
And then we said,
"Okay, you're fired.
We're not going
to use Iraqi Army.
We're going
to start all over."
And then some of those guys
became partisans.
Some of those guys
became insurgents.
That's a pretty big
generalization.
Within partisan groups
or insurgent groups
within Syria right now,
we're trying to figure out
who do we back,
who do we not back.
How about
we don't back any of them?
Well, I will tell you one...
How do you know
we have the right ones?
Collateral damage of that
is all the...
Have you been to Syria
and you work with...
All the people from Syria
that come up through Italy
and flood into the country
with refugees.
We're going way too political
with this thing.
-We need to stop.
-It's not political.
-Yes, it is.
-Why?
'Cause it's a decision
right now.
It's too political.
That's the kind of shit
that CNBC or NBC
would fucking pull.
You pull him in here
to talk about Italy
and our grandfather,
not about fucking Iraq.
Yes, he's been to Iraq.
You can ask him
about his
personal situation in Iraq.
But to tell him to weigh in
on certain decisions
that were made in Iraq
and how they're made
in current day in Syria
is bullshit.
I'm not trying to force a
political thing into anything.
It came to me in the moment.
He's talking
about Italian partisans.
I was thinking about what
I learned in Iraq in 2005
on the ground,
embedded with Iraq.
He was here specifically
to answer questions
about your grandfather.
And you're now turning it
into something so much
farther than it used to be.
Politically charged.
How dare you.
I'm done. I'm done.
How's it politically charged?
Good night, Jake.
Go over there and see how it is.
Walk through
the streets of Iraqi cities.
See how scared
some of these people are
to express
how they really feel in life,
the freedoms that you have.
Watch the little girls
come up and wave to us,
so happy that we're there
so some other guys
or Saddam Hussein
can't come back into power
and murder their parents
or the rest of their family.
By being proactive sometimes,
you can be the oppressor,
not the liberator.
There's no other justification
for us to stay in Syria
because you gotta look at it
from other party's shoes.
Wait, you said you were gonna
go in here and defeat ISIS.
Now you're staying here?
Are you an occupier
or are you a liberator?
But is there peace in Syria?
When you try to control things
by dictating who's in power
and giving haven
to certain people,
like in Iran back in the 70s,
you cause a catalyst
for a bunch of problems
that has ripple effects
down the road.
So by inserting yourself
into a fight
that you don't belong in,
you're going to get punched
in the face eventually.
-How long do we need to stay?
-How many people...
-Let me ask this.
-How many people...
How many people are in Europe
that used to live in Syria?
-Jake.
-So by doing nothing,
it causes a problem.
Jake, you couldn't stop that
even if you wanted to.
All right,
let me ask you this, Jake.
How long are we going
to be in Afghanistan?
How many more times do I have
to go over to Afghanistan
before it's going
to become good?
No, we should ask Isaac
that question.
Well, he hasn't been there
in a long time.
He was in...
Really? How many
deployments does Isaac have?
I've got deployments
all the way from 2007
all the way to 2017,
over a decade,
watching how that country has
developed over a decade, Jake,
and I've talked
to a lot of intellectuals
and a lot
of political leaders there
and a lot of people throughout
and seen a lot of people
go and come,
including body bags.
I can tell you what
that country is no more secure
than it was in 2007, Jake.
And it was much more secure
in 2002 than it is today.
So, what should we do
in Afghanistan?
My question was you. You have
to answer my question.
How long do we stay?
And are we actually doing
the right thing, Jake?
And what's
your measure of success?
I've been dating Joe
for three and a half years.
I think he's changed.
I think it's
just because he went to Iraq.
I think that changed him a lot.
Joe was always really,
like, afraid to argue with me
or yell at me
or anything like that.
Now whenever
he gets mad, he just...
he just screams.
So you lost the car, the dog,
and what else in the divorce?
5,000 bucks?
Yeah. But I got to keep
both the houses,
so I guess it's even trade.
And to Danielle's credit,
she honestly saved
my life, dude.
There was one night
I was really down in the dumps
and had way too much to drink.
Put down about a fifth of Jager
in less than an hour
and was just smoking and
drinking in the garage here.
Nobody was answering the phone
that I was trying
to reach out to
'cause they're busy
or, you know, just whatever,
and started getting
suicidal thoughts, man.
And, uh...
I had been released
from sniper school
'cause the leader...
I didn't agree
with the leadership there.
And so that was a rough time
professionally for me
'cause that was my life.
It was being
a sniper school instructor.
I was good at it.
And, man,
I was pretty down in the dumps
and about this close from...
I put my 9-mil in my mouth
and literally pulled
the slack out of the trigger.
Probably another half-pound
left on the pressure
on the trigger.
And, kabooey,
I wouldn't be here.
And she talked me off the ledge.
So, yeah, I was this close
to fucking taking my own life.
I haven't told
anybody this before,
except for you.
But the reason
why I'm telling you now
is if it helps save
another soldier's life,
to share my experience.
You know, I'm like, "Hey, man,
we've all been there."
Dude, you need to, like,
fucking talk to somebody
no matter what
and get a hold of them.
And be very careful
with drinking, you know,
when you're in those low stages.
Stop putting this facade
like you're John Wayne.
You're not, bro.
"You're not. Nobody is."
No, I'm lucky, man.
I'm lucky that Danielle
actually came into my life
and turned me around.
I'm lucky that Danelle answered
the phone that night.
I'm lucky that things
worked out the way they did,
'cause if I didn't go
through a divorce,
if I didn't experience all that,
if I didn't hit that low point,
I wouldn't be appreciative
of what I have right now.
Thanks for coming to talk, man.
Appreciate it. Love you.
Love you, too.
Don't ever do that again
without calling me, asshole.
Yeah, whatever.
All right, gentlemen, for you
that haven't met me yet,
I'm Master Rademacher from G35.
Right now,
I'm gonna give you guys
a brief on all things Nigeria.
What I like about this up
on the right, as you can see,
the capital
of Abuja is right here.
And where
all the other training is,
the distance between it,
it's a seven-hour drive.
So that's kind of showing...
What we talked
about earlier in the week
is they don't really see
the need for us to be there.
So we kind of have
to develop the model
and show them
what we can provide.
Basically this is not
the Nigerian Army's idea.
That's right.
This is us suggesting...
heavily suggesting
that they up their game
when it comes
to their schoolhouse training
and everything else.
They got guys
that can't even really hold
a weapon correctly,
and they're getting wiped out
by ISIS West Africa,
so that's the importance
by at least building
a baseline soldier
for you to actually
potentially partner with
in the future.
Isaac's military advisors
are in their final round
of tactical
and cultural training
before their deployments
to Africa.
-Incoming!
-Incoming!
Let's go!
Get the gun! Get the gun!
With all aspects
of training on schedule,
I'll be meeting Isaac
in Tunisia in about a month.
Before that, I'll be flying
to Morocco to join Joe
for the biggest African
joint military exercise
of the year.
Everything is going perfectly.
Goddamn,
my shoulders are fucking sore.
But after this perfect day,
I get some terrible news.
I just got a text message
from my ex-wife.
Every household should be ready
to hunker down for three months.
What the fuck?
I mean, three fucking months.
Three fucking months.
This is gonna destroy
small businesses.
Fucking destroy them.
It's not going
to be three months.
Africa was closed.
As disappointed as I was,
I was determined to be there
for Isaac's departure.
If a soldier got COVID,
they would not be allowed
to deploy.
With the risk of flying
too great, I opted to drive.
This is the last deployment
my brothers are probably
ever gonna do.
I'm not gonna be able
to give them a hug goodbye.
His family's not here
because of COVID-19.
Oh, man. That's like the most
heart-wrenching thing ever.
I don't know how to describe it.
And you just hope that you
can see the person again.
Just trying to hold on to that.
Yeah, you try to hold on
to it, but you can't.
You try real hard, though.
Oh.
You're supposed to be there
during the hard times,
during the low times.
That's when you're needed.
That's when it's important.
That's why you got married.
You would think with
repetition, it gets easier.
It actually gets harder
because the emotional toll
that these things take on you
has a cumulative effect.
So... it hits me too, you know.
It gets harder and harder
to say goodbye each time.
What would you want Hunter
to know about you
if you didn't make it?
I loved her and her mother
more than...
any man should
ever love anything.
It was really rough for her.
And Logan was sad.
But he's only 11 now,
so he didn't remember
the last time very well.
This is the first time
Samantha's really seen it.
Samantha doesn't even
know what's going on, right?
She knows I'm gonna
be gone for a while.
She's not happy.
It's my little girl.
Professionally,
it's still exciting,
and this is
a new type of mission,
so that's even more interesting.
But personally, it's much worse.
Family's the real
tough part, though.
I mean,
I'm 20 years in at this point,
and as I reflected on it
when I crossed
that 20-year threshold,
that was also
20 years of marriage.
I look back,
and the amount of sacrifice
I have asked my wife to make...
Is kind of gut-wrenching, man.
The secret to our success
is Jen.
I married somebody
that's probably better
than I deserved.
Despite a worldwide pandemic,
now was the time to reconnect
with my friends from Iraq,
beginning with Jason Grundy
in Virginia.
While embedded in Iraq,
a convoy was hit with an IED.
Once it knocked me down
and my ears
were ringing extremely bad,
I couldn't hear anything
out of my left ear.
I met Jason Grundy who,
if the shrapnel had landed
six inches lower in his neck,
would have died.
I took off my helmet,
sat it in my lap,
and I noticed
my helmet had a hole in it.
And then I looked
on the inside and I realized
that the hole inside
had bulged out
and it just barely
stopped the shrapnel
from penetrating
all the way through.
-Did its job.
-Yeah, it did.
I mean, I kind of looked at it
as falling off a horse.
I knew that if I didn't
get up there right away,
it was a good chance
I might get a little gun shy.
I just basically needed
to get back into it
and feel comfortable
up there again.
Jason would learn years later
that that incident
had caused
traumatic brain injury.
Jason got a divorce and suffered
a tragic parachuting accident,
forcing him to retire
before he wanted to.
It was a pretty tough pill
to swallow,
realizing that I wasn't going
to be able to continue
my military career anymore.
And that's when
I started going to school
in Fayetteville.
How did you meet Jason?
Well, um...
How should I start? Um...
He was my student,
and it's not as bad
as it sounds.
I know it sounds terrible.
She was the one
that went to the front
of the classroom saying,
"Hi. My name's Lisa Tripp.
I'm your professor."
And it was like,
"Oh, shit, she's hot."
So I guess that's kind
of one of the best things
about using your G.I. Bill
is you're the same age
as your teachers.
And a lot of the essays
that he would write
was about his time
in the military
which, you know, was
very fascinating to me.
So I'd always
ask him questions about it.
And, you know, that's sort
of how our friendship began.
About halfway
through the semester,
I kept getting 100%
on all my papers,
which I knew couldn't be right.
So it was about two weeks
prior to the end
of the semester.
He had sent me a text
asking if I wanted to go take
a walk with him
with his dog at the time, Bear.
And so I was like, "Okay."
And...
So that was that.
Then he asked
to cook dinner for me,
and it was like...
Honestly, when I think about it,
when I went over there that day,
it was like I never left.
I had her come over
for dinner one night,
and she's never left.
All right.
Lisa brought me
some of Jason's essays.
So this one
was just a real short one
about special operations.
I haven't even seen this
since I wrote this, so, um...
"I was assigned
to 3rd Ranger Battalion
of the 75th Ranger Regiment,
Fort Benning, Georgia.
My government-issued pager
woke me up,
and I was ordered into work.
It was September 11th of 2001.
On my drive into work,
I was listening to the radio,
and I couldn't believe
what I was hearing.
My unit happened to be on call,
where we were technically
the world's SWAT team.
When something was messed up,
we were the ones
who received the call.
We flew low altitude
over the Arabian Sea
and into Afghani airspace.
The time was approximately 0130,
and we were flying at about
400 feet above the ground.
And then the green light
turned on
and we jumped into the darkness
onto an enemy airfield and
terrorist training compound.
Since September 11, 2001,
every night that we go to sleep,
we can guarantee
that brave men are up
and hunting those
that are trying to harm us
and prevent our way of life.
I may no longer be
a part of that anymore,
and it absolutely kills me,
"but I will always respect
and look up to those men."
It was one of
the worst jumps that I had.
I mean, as soon
as I exited the aircraft,
my helmet got caught,
kind of flipped back.
And, of course, I'm thinking
this really sucks
'cause we're going
to do a combat mission.
I'm not going to have a helmet
to put my night vision on.
And, I mean, it was just
the first mission really
that the United States did
that was direct action
following 9/11.
So, I mean, historically,
most of the times
when Ranger regiment
jumped into an airfield,
we had quite a few casualties.
So, um, the two guys
that were killed that night
was in a helicopter crash.
And once
we completed the mission,
they huddled us around
and told us that we had
two rangers
that were killed that night.
It was just like
you're at an all-time high
and then
you just come crashing down.
And it was, you know...
Later that day,
we had a...
um...
a memorial on the airfield
where they're
carrying him back out, and...
It's... It sucks.
So, um, literally,
their very first mission,
it's kind of something
that exposed to and, uh...
Yeah. It's still hard.
I still talk to one
of the guy's mom.
She's still very active in,
you know...
Being a Gold Star mother,
she comes to like
all the Ranger events still
to carry on
her son Chris's memory.
I enjoyed
my job in the military,
but, I mean, it was
obviously a risky business.
Absolutely. Are you gonna
give that to your sons?
Yeah. It's staying
in the family, obviously.
Yeah. Yeah, they're definitely
headed down that path.
The four Grundys
are living in Virginia,
and Jason
is working as a contractor
training military personnel.
-You love your job?
-Absolutely.
-It's a dream job.
-Yeah?
It's that connection of what
I missed about getting out.
You might not be the one
that's going out
on the objective,
but you're still
in that coach, teacher,
mentor, advisor role
to be able to help soldiers.
Do you think
what you're teaching them
might save their life one day?
Keeping you in the fight
and putting you in the fight
to improve your lethality
is definitely going to help
your chances of returning.
Basically what
you've learned over there,
give that experience
to soldiers.
That might be
the first time deploying.
This is a report that we got.
They're staging
in this Syrian town over here
and they're coming
across the border.
There was
no specific grid given.
The guy who's doing this
lives in Rabit,
so we're assuming that they
come across here, you know,
enter into Rabit and then
on to the rest of the country.
They're not used to working
side by side with females.
Guys just say stuff.
I mean, I've heard
some of the most...
horrible things.
And at first, you know,
it was kind of like they had
to get used to "is it okay
if I still say that?"
And I had
to get used to the "whoa."
You know, like the shock factor.
But luckily I don't
get offended very easily.
I don't really, you know...
I don't care.
Say what you want to say.
So it was really just kind
of finding that comfort level.
And now if you ask any of them,
I'm just one of the guys,
you know.
I'm not a chick.
I'm just one of the guys.
I just smell a little better,
so...
Being in the military,
it's kind of an honor.
It really is.
Like, that's my country.
And, yeah, my country
has problems, but...
it's still my country,
and I want to fight
and I want to fight
to protect my family.
And so how do you do something
when you come out
that means as much?
I was going to ask you
if the transition was hard
'cause for a lot of veterans
it is.
Yeah.
I actually did end up having
to go seek mental health
for depression,
for moderate depression,
'cause I didn't know how to be.
When you're in a combat zone,
you're in
that heightened stress mode,
and our bodies aren't meant
for it for long term.
So it takes a long time
to come down.
And, like, when I got back,
I couldn't sleep.
Being in large crowds, really.
I mean, I still don't like it,
but that really...
You know, you're like...
'Cause you're still on guard.
You're like, every...
Every corner is...
What is that? It's like.
No, it's a corner in a mall.
You're fine, but your brain
doesn't know that.
I think creativity is important.
It's a good outlet for me.
I like to make things.
I like the process.
It's helped me just, you know,
get it all out.
I worked at, like,
an after-school club.
Realized that I really don't
like other people's children.
"They're spoiled brats" type
of thing. It wasn't for me.
I really like working with kids
because first of all,
they do keep you on your toes.
Like, they don't care
what kind of a day
you're having.
They're having their own day
and we're along for the ride.
But they're also very honest.
The joy.
I love the joy
and then the hope.
'Cause when I first started
working with kids,
it got to the point
where it would
kind of break my heart.
I was like, you poor things.
You've got all this.
But I'm like, but no, we're
in here. We're changing it.
You know, my job is
to give you the skills to have
the best life you can have.
Ah. Bottle.
Bottle. Bottle. Ooh.
There it is.
Now, big question of the day.
Should we listen to music?
-Yes.
-Oh, thank goodness.
Disney or KIDZ BOP?
-KIDZ BOP.
-KIDZ BOP.
I had been working with this
one boy since I was a student.
He'd known me
for, like, four years.
And when I got my doctorate,
he heard somebody said,
"Hey, Dr. Jen."
He's like, "Are you gonna
give me a shot?"
I was like,
"Sir, I'm a doctor of fun."
I do think my military service
plays into my work
with the kids.
Not like one would expect.
It's not like we do,
you know, drills
and "we're gonna practice
marching today, children."
Did you pick one color
or two colors?
Two.
I think things are going great.
I'm really happy
with where I'm at.
I'm comfortable
with my situation.
I'm comfortable
with myself as a person.
You know, I think one of
the biggest things I learned
is to just stop caring so much
what other people thought.
Working with kids will
really help drive that home,
because otherwise, they'll
hurt your feelings every day.
All the guys here,
they're like my big brothers.
Overprotective big brothers.
Let me throw that out there.
And they'll be like,
"You know, that guy was,
like, looking at you,"
blah, blah, blah.
And it's getting to the point
where I just ignore it.
I don't even notice anymore.
But it did used
to kind of bother me.
Or if I notice them looking
at one of my friends,
like one of the girls
around here that I know,
I get kind of protective, too.
It's just because...
It's just that, you know,
what do they want?
They've been in Iraq for a year.
They haven't had that
for a year.
I had just made sergeant.
And, you know, so I'm in there
doing my job,
trying to train the guy
who's coming in after me,
doing all this, doing my job.
And this, in one sentence,
reduced everything I did
to just me as an object.
He said, "Our time here,
it'd be much more enjoyable
if we had beautiful ladies
like you here."
Fucker.
Like, I am out here sweating,
doing everything else
these guys are doing.
And excuse me.
What is my purpose here?
I just...
Like, that was
the one time I was offended.
I was like, "Excuse me.
You don't know me.
You don't know anything
I've done here.
Like, excuse me,
but fuck you."
'Cause it was demoralizing,
and it's dehumanizing.
It's like, "I am not just
some plaything for your fancy.
I did a good job here."
Now that I've
completely flipped,
the idea of working
with adults disgusts me.
I'm like, "Oh, God.
People. Adults. No."
So, like, yeah,
I couldn't see myself
working with anybody else.
Like, I love working with kids.
If he comes back through,
we're killing him.
If he comes back through,
we're shooting him.
Me and Frank
are very much alike,
which is probably why
I didn't like him at first.
He's definitely a loner.
He's got no wife, no kids.
I think he's pushing 30.
He's one of the few people...
I mean, I'll listen.
I value everybody's
opinion here to an extent.
But I would follow him anywhere.
I trust him that much.
I was talking to Ashman
the other night.
I needed Melissa's address to
send her a Christmas present.
You know how many
Christmas presents I bought
for any girl
in the last three years?
None. I break up
with them in October.
I was just gonna pull
the standard flowers.
You can't buy flowers
for fucking Christmas.
The fuck you can't.
You can't buy a girl flowers
for Christmas.
You can do whatever the hell
you want with flowers.
You don't buy girl flowers
for fucking Christmas.
If you have limited options,
yes, you can.
When he first met me, he
was like, "I was in a movie."
I'm like, "Oh, you were?"
I was like... I thought this
was a line. I'm like, "Okay."
He's like, "But I don't
want anyone to know about it."
And I'm like, what is
this guy talking about?
I'm like, he's telling me
he's in a movie,
but he doesn't want anyone
to know about it.
So he's secretly
hinting that he wants me
to go and figure out
how to watch It.
Relationships are tough,
so it took me a long time
to find the right person.
From the moment I met him,
I felt a really great
connection with him.
And he just... And I tell
him this all the time.
He makes me
a better person every day.
Well, my mom died, like,
six years ago.
So when me and Danielle
got married,
she had, um... she had a picture
printed up and framed
of my mom and me
when I was younger.
And she was like, "I know
your mom can't be here,
so I brought you this
to have with you for the day."
And I thought I knew right
then and there, I was like,
that's super nice thing.
No one's ever done
anything that nice.
Just that thought I knew I was
making the right decision.
'Cause you're not really
a sniper
until you get a kill.
Like, I wanted one,
and then when I got one,
I wanted another.
You know, you kind of feel bad
in a way, you know.
Not that you feel bad
for the guy.
It's just not
an everyday, normal thing
of blowing someone away
or shooting someone.
I think by the time we left,
I think me and Mongo
calculated it.
Between Presto, Dan, and I,
I think the whole team
maybe had like 240 kills.
I saw the guy. He had an AK.
Did you get him?
Roger.
When I came home, I actually
saw a VA counselor...
Uh-huh.
Maybe, like,
I don't know, 20 times.
And she was like, "Ah,"
you know.
She was like, "Okay."
I wasn't sleeping well,
and, you know, I wasn't having
flashbacks or anything,
but I was just not
sleeping well.
And she was like, "Okay,"
well, you know,
where I wasn't
really communicating
with certain people well.
What if you shot a kid?
Is he a bad guy?
Had no problem.
"He's a bad guy. No problem."
-What if it was a good guy?
-Accident?
-Yeah.
-Hmm.
Well, I mean, I wouldn't
shoot anyone by accident.
We pretty much confirm every
shot that he's a bad guy.
If he was a kid?
He's not a kid like back home.
From what he's told me,
he's been in a million
stressful situations.
And I know this is a different
type of stressful situation,
but it's helped him handle
this type of stress at home
with everything
that's going on with Ryan.
Ryan has CDKL5, a rare
neurodevelopmental disorder.
It's a mission every day.
I give her meds.
It's not working.
And then the mission
is she goes to bed,
and the mission's not quite over
because someone has to keep
an eye on her on camera.
Even though the cameras record,
you still have to kind of keep
an eye on her on camera
in case you have
to give her a rescue mat
if she has a bad seizure.
He is the best dad.
I-I-I couldn't imagine myself
being a mother
to begin with
and then having Ryan
and then seeing him
and the way that he is with
Ryan and how loving and caring
and just how he is
with her, like, it's just...
He's the best father.
We want her to get older.
She's gonna be in
a wheelchair, non-vertebral.
We're not even gonna
send her to school.
But you don't want her to die.
It's a really bad disease.
Doctors said,
you know, you get cancer,
either they fix it
or they don't.
This, it only can get worse.
I know that life's challenging
right now.
All in all, are you
pretty happy right now?
Yeah, I'd be happy.
I mean, I'd be happier
if my daughter
wasn't sick, but for...
There's nothing
I can do about that.
There's a possible deployment
to Africa in 2022.
And, you know, I would like
to make sergeant major.
And the benefits are great.
For Ryan, they're great.
But it would be tough
to leave her with Ryan.
And there's...
Like I said, there's so much...
There's only
so much little time.
You know, she could die tonight.
It's definitely the hardest
battle I've ever been through.
We're back on the road,
driving through upstate New York
to see my nephew Quentin.
Quentin is
a specialist in the Army
and the only son
of my brother Thad.
Hey, man.
No touching.
-How you doing, man?
-Good. How are you?
-Good to see you, man.
-Good to see you, too.
How has this experience
changed you?
I think it's changed me
a decent amount.
It's definitely kind
of made me more responsible.
It's kind of taught me
how to take pride in my work.
Can you do that?
You're going crazy, dude.
You're, like,
the coolest now, Quentin.
Look. You fixed that.
Isn't that cool?
I definitely became the
coolest customer right there.
Oh, my word.
Do you know
who drives that truck?
-Who?
-Quentin drives that truck.
So, do you think Isaac and
Joe's service played any part
in you wanting
to be in the military?
Yeah. I really looked up
to both of them a lot.
Watching the first movie,
seeing what they actually did,
it kind of blew
my mind a little bit.
I've done a lot of interviews,
but just there's something
about looking out,
and it's you.
What I'm thinking about
is I just like I miss that.
I miss my brother. And I
see you and I just see him.
Yeah. Yeah, I miss him, too.
Who's this?
-This is Thad.
-Thad Rademacher?
Yeah. Jacob's...
One and only?
-Brother.
-Predecessor?
He already was showing
signs of being bipolar
even when he was little.
He reminded me
of a hero in a Greek play
with a flaw that he just
could not overcome.
It was just...
tragic, you know,
in the true sense of the word.
I didn't protect him from
the drugs and the stupid crap
that he wanted
to do with his life.
I didn't convince him
that it was
against his best interest.
It was a very
traumatic moment for me
seeing him on the couch,
not breathing,
having to perform CPR.
Uh, that was probably
the most traumatic moment
of my entire life.
Nothing's topped that so far.
All the things
I've been in over Iraq.
I grew up with Thad.
I spent lots and lots
of time with him.
It hurts a lot to lose
a fellow soldier, but...
nothing hurts as bad
as watching your brother die.
I think part of me really
felt kind of betrayed
or kind of gypped, in a sense.
Was that was I not,
you know, important enough,
you know, in a sense,
to, you know, maybe not make
the decisions that he made?
Like, I didn't get, you know...
the full, you know, experience
with him.
I'm sorry, man.
That's all right.
Oh, fuck.
We all tried to help him, man.
-I know.
-We all tried.
You know, for all of us,
it was awesome that...
that you were there, you know.
'Cause it was like
a part of him lived on in you.
So...
Honestly, you've
turned out better than him.
Do you know what I mean by that?
No. Tell me.
I mean, we are a culmination
of our choices in life,
and you've made
better choices than him.
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
And if he was here today,
he'd be very proud of you.
And I don't know
how spiritual you are.
Are you spiritual at all?
Uh...
I think a little bit.
Kind of in my own way. Yeah.
Yeah?
I think I kind of find myself
talking more to him
than anything, you know.
-Talking to who?
-To Dad.
Yeah?
You're all we have left of him.
They call me Big Ern.
Uh, they started calling me that
about two years ago
when I came to the company.
So I like it, you know.
Soldiers have personal problems,
they can come talk to me.
A lot of people have gifts.
My gift is helping people.
-Give me a hug.
-Oh, my God, man, Jake.
We are all family.
We don't have to fight
this fight alone.
We are here.
One of the reasons
why I never changed my
cell phone number since 2005
is because
I have friends out here
that might need me one day.
And it might not be
for anything professional.
It might not be
for anything, you know,
more than just to say,
"Biggie, can you just...
can I talk to you just for,
like, five minutes?"
And I want them to know
that you can do that.
Just pick it up.
I'll be right here.
I thought this was a moment in
my life where I wanted a dog.
And I felt like it was
a point in my life
where I was kind of alone,
and I had went through
something that was just like...
That was just real tough.
Like, it was just real tough.
And at the same time,
it was my last deployment.
The struggle that I had
in the beginning was...
that I couldn't wear
my uniform no more,
and I couldn't get up,
go to my job.
I couldn't help people no more.
I couldn't say I'm a part
of that family anymore.
This is one of my first jobs
in my transition
from being a soldier.
Did you get this job
during the pandemic?
Yes. I was a front line worker.
That was, like, the perfect
thing for me to do.
I still want
to be a part of, like,
the solution
and try to help people,
but I'm not a medical person,
so I couldn't go to a hospital
and just start
giving people vaccinations
and trying to help diagnose it
and then try to figure out
what's going on
with this whole pandemic thing.
So I figured I was just like,
I'm a logistics guy.
-How are you?
-How are you doing?
Oh, my God.
It's so good to see you.
I know a lot of people
got scared,
and they kind of confined
themselves to the house
because rightfully so,
that's what they want.
A lot of people
wanted to do, you know,
and it was the safest thing
to do, you know,
to try to keep
everybody safe, you know,
but me, like, I've always been
in harm's way,
so this is perfect, you know?
And at the same time, you're
still helping the community.
I think my most vivid memory
is the camaraderie,
just being with my guys.
When I left, I told them
my main purpose is not supply.
My main purpose is not
property accountability.
My main purpose
is to get my guys home safe
and alive in one piece.
I hate buying these.
How do you tell,
like, your buddy
who just took his own life,
and you tell, you have to...
You're trying to find a way
to tell his wife and his
daughter "I'm so sorry."
How do you do that?
You know?
This is from
Christopher McDonald.
He said,
"Dear friends and family,"
if you are reading this,
I am not on earth anymore.
It is no one's fault but my own.
I have been dealing
with my mental health
since Iraq and Afghanistan.
I have been depressed
for over a decade
with no hope of recovery.
I was not able
to defeat my demons.
Dad, I love you so much.
You raised me to be
a great man and a hero.
Mom, I know you have not been
in my life that much as a kid,
but I love you so much as well.
Sarah, you have been
the best sister
that I could ever wish for.
Courtney, thank you for
being a great friend to me.
Sylvia and Caroline,
I love you with all my heart,
and I will always love you both.
Never forget that.
Never think that this
was ever your fault.
I wish I could have been
a better husband
and a better father to you both.
I will be looking after you
in the afterlife.
Please believe that.
I will be in the front yard
as I don't want my apartment
to be bloody.
I wish to be cremated
and my ashes spread over
my grandparents' grave.
Please use the money
for the accounts
to pay off my cremation and
send the rest to my daughter
if there's anything left.
Thank you to the EOD community.
You have tried
your best to help me.
10-26-1998 to 7-8-2021.
"32 years on this earth."
Whole list of numbers
after that.
No one made it on time.
There are no words
to ease your pain right now
at this very moment
after losing Chris.
What I can tell you
is that Chris
was an amazing soldier,
friend, and a great man.
The world is a little
less happy without him.
But I can say it was
my honor and my privilege
to have known him,
served with him,
and more importantly,
call him my brother.
God bless your hearts with all
my deepest sympathy and love.
Ernest Ward.
We are in Utila, Honduras,
on the back of...
I don't even know what
you call it. A motorcycle?
It's insane right now.
Yeah. We're on an island
in the rain.
We're the only two guys
that made it
out of the entire group.
Just myself and Robert.
All the veterans aren't here.
I'm out of this thing, man.
Coming in. That's him.
Chris Mackay
is part of a three-man team
from Sheep Dog
Impact Assistance.
-Good to see you again.
-We show up, man.
This guy right here.
-How you doing?
-Good, good.
-You good now?
-Yeah, yeah.
My family reached out.
The mother was hurting.
You know,
I've been there before.
He, uh...
He was isolating himself,
you know, substance abuse.
I was there.
And so we put together
a small mission
to come to Utila and try
and engage this young veteran.
Thought it best to bring
a couple young soldiers
about his age,
similar traumas in their lives
through their service
and other parts of their life.
They medically retired me,
which was devastating.
Um, I just did the best thing
I could ever do in life,
and now what do I do, you know?
That's how I wanted to go out.
I mean, which is funny,
because it's kind
of like Lieutenant Dan
in "Forrest Gump," you know,
"Damn it, Forrest, I'm
supposed to die here, right?
This is what I'm supposed to do.
This is my life. This is me."
And I invested so much
of myself into the military
that it was hard to let go.
And I hadn't really let go of it
until, you know, recently,
joining Sheep Dog
and, you know,
going to the warrior path.
You don't want to be
a professional veteran
your whole life.
I met Chris Mackay
on a long-range
surveillance mission
out to the Syrian border
in 2005.
This is fucking awesome, dude.
My niece, both of my nieces,
they're gonna have a life.
And it's because me
being over here
that they're gonna be able
to continue their life.
You know?
Same with, like, you know,
if you have kids
or anybody else has kids,
I mean, we're out here for them.
You know, we work for them.
Is it worth it
if it costs your life?
Yeah, it'd be worth it.
That's why I'm here.
I give my life
for America any day.
Wouldn't think twice.
All right, put it on "safe."
These guys out here,
I'm gonna know them
for the rest of my life.
You spend so much time
out here with them,
you get to know 'em.
They almost become brothers,
so you have a new family.
Chris came home
from a successful
one-year deployment
with new brothers in arms.
Unfortunately, no one
came to his homecoming.
They chose me to be a leader,
a team leader on some
of these outdoor adventures.
So what's cool about it is,
you know,
I kind of found a purpose now.
You know, for many years,
I sat there and didn't...
didn't think, you know...
I thought
kind of my life was over.
The best thing I could do
is serve my country,
and I did that.
Just kind of felt worthless
for a long time, you know.
Fell into that victim hood.
I'm sitting there wallowing
in my own pity. Not healthy.
That's great that you've come
to that place in your life.
Yeah. I needed it.
Hell, I was suicidal,
you know, and when I say that,
I don't mean it like,
you know, just moping along
and, you know, doing...
It's just like I felt
like, well, this is it,
you know. This is all...
I kind of did my thing.
He was so low.
He said he looked over
and saw his gun sitting there,
and he thought
he was going to use it.
Take me through
and help me understand
what it's like
to be in that state.
What's going on?
Have you ever been
in a river or a pond?
Or just a lake or anything?
And you go underwater
and you open your eyes,
you see sediment,
this greenish algae tint.
You don't see anything.
It's not clear.
If you go down too deep,
it gets darker, gets colder.
You feel alone.
You can't see.
You need someone to stick
their arm in the water.
You need someone
to grab you, pull you up.
Helping others helps you heal
from some of your own trauma
and experiences in life.
And the effort alone
a lot of times
is really where it begins.
If I was able to help
one Sheep Dog, you know,
from killing themselves
on this next outdoor mission
that we have,
I could quit and feel like
I've accomplished
what I've wanted to do.
Walked into
a problem with Andre.
Apparently,
he has been drinking too much,
which is part of why we're here.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-I was wondering
whether he was going to be in
a good place or a bad place.
Apparently, he's in a bad place.
Scott, Lance, and Chris set
off to locate the veteran.
Once they find him, Chris and
Scott go in to talk to him.
He promises
he'll come and teach Scott
how to scuba dive
the next morning,
Unfortunately, the veteran,
an expert scuba diver,
doesn't show.
If he's not wanting
to come out with us
and he's not wanting
to make contact with us,
he's not ready.
So until he's ready,
until he's hit rock bottom,
there's nothing
that we can do for him
besides try what we've tried.
Bees, they believe
in the hive, right?
If a bee gets a chemical on them
or they feel like
something's wrong with them,
like they got something on them,
they won't return to the hive.
They will get further away
as to not poison the hive.
And I think some of
our veterans is the same way.
They just sometimes
unfortunately go off and die,
which is what the bee does,
because they don't want
to put that on somebody else.
And a lot of our soldiers
and our first responders,
they feel that way.
You know,
nobody wants to be a burden.
When you're ready,
we're here for you.
And if that literally
means us coming back,
you know,
and walking you on that plane,
we'll come down and we'll do it.
The veteran reached out
three months later
and left the island.
If Chris can do it,
you can do it.
If anybody's seen
some darkness...
I've seen some pretty
dark days in my life, and...
I'm getting a little
emotional here because, man,
I don't want to see people
that way.
It kills me...
When I see somebody hurting...
If something happens to me,
I can deal with it.
I think what's worse is
seeing someone else hurt.
I went to a warrior path, and
one of the things I found out
that I was still angry about,
and one of the things I really
needed to talk about and
kind of get off my chest was,
you know, child molestation
when I was a kid.
You know, I was molested
as a child for years,
and I was really ashamed
and upset about that,
and it made me...
It... It did something to me
to where I was just...
I didn't want to live anymore.
When I started scuba diving
and I really
started getting into it,
it was because I got
underwater and it was quiet.
And you just concentrate
on your breathing,
and you're floating there,
just floating, suspended.
Nothing hurt.
It just felt such a peace
breathing in and out.
Hey, Mr. Fish, what you doing?
I don't feel like
I'm gonna spin out of control
like I used to.
In bad days, yes.
But I don't think
it's gonna be as bad
as the storms
I've already encountered.
And I think the ones
that are in my future,
I should be able to weather.
What's your favorite memory?
What's your favorite thing
you'd like to share with me?
I think it would be this
moment here, because...
I feel it's...
a great validation that I'm
moving in the right direction,
that someone would be
interested in what I'm doing
and where I'm going.
I think it's
a breath of fresh air
to know that people still care
what's going on.
So I think ultimately my
favorite moment would be now.
I'm not usually one who's
at a loss for words, Chris.
Congratulations.
Wow.
I told y'all I was going
to look very different
than you saw me last time.
Well, you're all
the same right here.
Yeah, this is...
This... This never changes.
These eyebrows.
They never change, ever.
I don't think there's
any more of a rush
than coming at the earth
at 120-plus miles an hour
from 18,000 feet.
It's just crazy.
I'm gonna give you
a couple bits of information.
-All right?
-All right.
-Number one, have fun.
-That should be easy.
Number two, I'm gonna give you
a whole lot of information.
Don't try to memorize it.
You dive with your sunglasses?
-Yeah.
-Oh.
I feel like I have
a passion for teaching
and mentoring people
in the military and
civilian side of skydiving.
-Hang on!
-Hell, yeah!
Heads up! Heads up!
-How was it?
-It was awesome, dude.
I think being under parachute
is kind of like my therapy.
You know? it's peaceful.
I get to have a crazy amount
of excitement,
and then I get to have a whole
three to five minutes of peace.
And then I get to do it
all over again.
I know a lot of people
call military people
adrenaline junkies,
but they're not always wrong.
I mean,
like when you were in Iraq,
man, we went out on mission.
There was that level
of anxiety, you know,
that we could get shot at
at any moment of time.
And then
when we got back to base,
it's like, "Okay, let's eat.
Let's relax."
And then you do it
all over again, right?
It's fucking hot.
-So last full day.
-Sweet.
What time they picking us up?
-We got like 10 hours left?
-About.
-But who's counting?
-I am.
These guys ain't doing so bad.
Me personally,
I got the shits right now.
I'm sucking really bad.
One of the first times
I ever jumped with Sammy
after he came
out of free-fall school...
So you got this person
that's 240 pounds falling
and a couple of guys
that are not 200 pounds.
And Sammy is about
as far spread out as he could,
trying to look up at us
with these big-ass eyes.
And he's going like this
seemingly like he's trying
to flap to get up higher to us
because he would just fall
like a damn safe, man.
Kind of like the ACME,
you know, Coyote, Road Runner.
And you see the safe just...
That's what Sammy felt like.
It was so funny.
We laughed and then...
We laughed.
It's a good time.
Remember Sammy Hairston?
He was killed last year.
-What was he like as a guy?
-Best kind.
Couldn't ask for a better
person, better friend.
Sammy and I were best friends.
It was rough. It was rough.
So the day that he found out,
he just looked at me,
and I knew instantly
there was something wrong.
I didn't know what.
And I just knew there
was something wrong.
And then...
Something like,
"What's wrong?"
And he's like, "Seven died."
And he just crumbled.
Completely crumbled.
He crumpled.
It was the first time
I ever saw him cry and...
probably the hardest
I have ever seen him cry.
It can still be
an issue, obviously,
even though it was...
seven years ago now,
about to be seven years.
Had a friend back home make
fun of me for watching this.
She's like, "That's just wrong.
A bunch of grown men sitting
around watching 'The O.C.'"
If Sammy was smiling,
nobody in the room
could hold a straight face.
He had that kind of aura.
He would take the worst of
situations and crack a joke,
and everybody knew they
were going to get through it.
Out of all the ones
that we lost...
none of them hurt more
than Sam Hairston.
None of them.
A substantial loss.
Tremendous guy.
Isaac named his daughter
after Sammy.
Yeah. Samantha.
Isaac was serving in Afghanistan
when Sammy was killed there.
I put our Ranger tabs
on the casket for Sammy
because we felt that that...
Sammy epitomized
what a Ranger is.
And then we rendered our salutes
and knelt with him for a minute
and then we sent him on his way.
I think it's undervalued,
and people need more
of a reminder
of what
Memorial Day weekend is for.
The moment that really struck me
was you were on one knee,
and you're caressing
the face of the Iraqi soldier
at the back of your hand.
I was kind of blown away,
frankly, and I pushed in.
And I would almost call it,
like, grace on earth.
It was one of these moments in
life where you're just like...
What was going through
your mind in that moment?
I'm sorry.
I don't know
where that came from.
It's just, uh...
Oh, shit.
You know,
when you talk about it...
You know,
I don't talk about it often.
You know, he's mine.
You know, uh...
He's-He's-He's my soldier.
All I can do is look at him
and say,
"Hey, ZN, you're good."
And I'm trying to comfort him
and let him know,
"Hey, you're gonna be
all right."
Why do you not talk
about that part of it much?
It's just easier.
It's easier to talk about,
you know, to whitewash over it
and just say, "Oh, yeah,
bullets are flying."
It's just because
that's that... I don't know.
For lack of a better word,
that's that intimate moment
you have with that guy
who's hurt real bad.
That's 15 years ago. I'd never
talked to anybody about it.
I'd always just
quickly brush through it.
Now talking to you about it
and, you know, what it meant,
it hurts.
It's just the way it is.
You wouldn't be human
if it didn't.
You just hope that everything
worked out
for them on their end.
Yeah.
On patrol today,
when we were ambushed,
all the soldiers from Company 2
performed like professionals.
If I fall down
and get hurt or die,
I expect you to fight
and not get emotional,
but to keep fighting
and keep your wits.
We freed those citizens,
so it was well worth it.
That was part of the stuff
that I didn't want my son
to have to go through.
I didn't want any of my sons.
I didn't want them
going through this.
That's why I told people
and they said,
"Oh, geez, how many
deployments you can make?"
I said I'll make
as many as it takes
to see this through to the end
so none of my sons have to go.
And lo and behold,
my youngest son,
he made four deployments,
you know,
and he was in Afghanistan twice.
So I didn't want that.
No parent does.
I'm 40-something years old,
but still to my parents,
I'm that little kid
running around out back.
You know, you always hear
the audible crack
as the round's breaking
a sound barrier by you.
A round came so close to me,
it passed by my face.
I'm running like this,
holding on to my weapon.
I'm running.
And it came so close to my face
that as the bullet's
going through,
there's a cone of air
that it's pushing.
And that cone of air
wiped across my face
and the audible crack
of the round
breaking the sound barrier.
Of course to me it sounded
like a frigging grenade.
It was so close to me
and I felt that air.
And I immediately got
almost like this sick feeling
for that split second.
And I just...
I kind of tensed up
and froze and turned my head.
And that's
when the second round hit me.
And it hit me right here
on the cheekbone.
And it came out
right up here on my nose
and tore my lip down.
And I don't know how long
I was laying on the ground.
So then I started to hear stuff,
and the guy said,
"Are you hit?"
And I heard him say,
"Get him."
And these two big Marines,
they just came running out,
you know, and, uh...
It's one of those things
that, you know,
when I saw him coming, I was
just like, "Oh, thank God."
You know, these guys
are gonna come get me.
And, you know,
they grabbed me up, you know,
like I was a sack of potatoes.
And they just dragged my ass
back in there.
The British medevac came in.
They put a new dressing
across here.
I'm just sitting there.
A little bit of blood
and stuff's coming out,
but I'm swallowing it
because I'm thinking,
I don't want to spit all this
blood out on the aircraft.
What an idiot.
So I'm swallowing the blood
as we're going.
And there's another medical
officer. It's a female,
and she's making sure
that I'm comfortable,
and he's doing the same thing.
And then he reaches over
and he pulls
my Mickey Mouse ears off.
And he says, "Are you okay?"
I'm like, "Yeah, I'm good."
And I wasn't good 'cause
the adrenaline's gone now,
and my body's saying,
"Hey, this is fucking crazy.
Get some shit in you."
But I'm sitting there saying,
"There's a female right here.
I gotta bow up."
I can't be a sissy.
Stupidest thing ever.
So I'm just sitting there,
and I told the master sergeant
that I wanted someone
from my unit to call my wife.
I didn't want her to have
somebody show up in uniform,
because initial shock of that
would be like,
"Holy shit, he's gone."
You know?
I just want my wife.
I wanted her
to walk through the door.
I open the door and I walk in,
and there's my wife.
And she tells me
when she saw me walk
through the door, she said...
She said, "The only reason
I knew it was you
is because
the way you walked."
She said,
"Your face was not you."
But she said, "The way you
walked, I knew it was you."
So she gave me a hug,
and it was awesome, you know.
And I was just so happy
I was home.
And she's never failed me.
How has this experience
getting shot?
How has this experience
changed you as a person?
I don't... I don't care
about the small stuff anymore.
Doesn't bother me anymore.
Something happens,
something's gotta be fixed,
it's like, no big deal.
We'll fix it. This happens,
I would take care of that.
That's why when I retired,
I said not working no more.
The only work I got now
is just, you know,
make sure she's happy
and, you know, try and show
her how much she means to me,
you know,
for as long as I got left.
I'll see you guys
when you get back.
When these guys
go out on their mission,
I know if I give them
bad information,
they might not come back at all.
If I gave somebody
bad information and they died
because of it, I'm the one
at fault, you know.
And I'm the one
that has to live with that.
Politics was already way too
far into what we were doing,
and then to pull us out
before it was even over
was one of the... in my view,
it was one of
the biggest political mistakes
that we could make.
I mean, look what happened.
We left, and al-Qaeda and Iraq
turned into ISIS.
And ISIS
took over Iraq years later
and spread into Syria.
It became a powder keg.
And it got us
to where we are today,
which is no better
than where we were.
And that started
with the decision of 2010.
That sealed the deal for me.
I said I'm done.
No way am I going back.
I was angry
after the last deployment.
I became bitter.
And I made the decision then
that I was done
with Iraq and Afghanistan.
Kevin deployed
seven times to Iraq
as the chief intel officer
for elite units,
sometimes for up to 15 months.
And it's sad,
because I felt like it gave me
a greater purpose,
like I was helping.
Like, what I was doing mattered.
The terrorists
attacked my house.
They killed my brother.
They shot another my brother.
They burned the house.
They do the bad stuff.
Because they know
I work with America
because I want freedom
for my country.
When we abandoned
the Kurds for the Turks
and took the Turk side,
I was so personally pissed off
by the decision
that I took this
off the fucking wall
and threw it on the ground.
And shattered it.
Those are the same guys
that have been helping us
get rid of ISIS.
A lot of the ups and downs
of marrying a vet
when you're, you know,
struggling with someone
who has seen things that he's
even yet to tell me about,
um, you go into a minefield
and you don't know
where you're dancing.
While giving me a ride
in his retirement gift,
a 1968 Stingray,
he asked me
about my brother Isaac.
They decided to review him
in December.
And the commanding general,
he ranked
all 59 SFAB commanders.
And he said, "Colonel Rademacher
is the number one
out of 59 SFAB commanders."
And guys below him got promoted,
but Isaac didn't get
picked up for...
What the fuck, man?
You gotta be kidding me.
So he sent us all
a text message, like,
a week and a half ago saying,
"I didn't make it.
My career's over."
'Cause I guess
you only get three looks
and there's no appeal system.
There's no fucking way.
That is criminal, dude.
Oh, my God.
My dad answered
my question once.
He was like,
"Are you gonna get out?"
"I don't know. I don't know
if I could stay in."
He's like,
"The caliber of person"
you're gonna be working with
in military
is better than
the caliber of person
you're gonna meet
90% of the time
"anywhere else
in the work world."
It's not bad.
It's not bad,
but it's certainly not good.
My friends here are closer
than almost any friends I've
ever had in my entire life.
My issue is my family.
I love the job, but...
there's some personal stuff
I'd like to have, too.
Not sure if I can get that
right now.
Because you're
gonna be deployed.
You're gonna be gone a year.
Home a year, gone a year,
home a year.
So it's confusing because
you're adrenaline junkie now.
You like the adrenaline rush,
but you like your family, too.
I went home,
and I think I went to the
local VFW bar or something,
and I remember going
and getting a beer there,
and there was, like,
a Vietnam vet guy,
and he was sitting there,
and he's like...
He's like,
"Oh, you just got back
from some combat, have you?"
I was like, "Yeah, dude. Like,
why are you being an ass?"
I just want to get a beer, dude.
I don't want
to go anywhere else.
I was coming here
because I thought I, like,
"could relate to somebody."
And he goes, "Let me give you
your best piece of advice."
He goes, "Never come back here
ever again."
He goes, "If you start
coming here and drinking beers
and reliving
what you just went through,"
he says, "You're going
to be me in 30 years."
I was like, "All right, done.
Got it. Understood. I'm out."
And I thought that was
pretty cool to hear that.
Sad for him. Great for me.
I jumped in my truck
and I drove out
to Southern California.
It was surreal.
It was a weird moment.
Just on your own, finally.
But it was very sad
because I missed,
like, all my friends.
I would just run up
and down PCH or whatever it is
in Carlsbad for hours.
I didn't have a job.
I'd probably working
a lot of stuff out,
up and down all night long.
I wouldn't sleep at all.
I'd be up all night.
Why couldn't you sleep?
Just trying to figure out
where I was gonna work.
You know,
did I make a right decision?
Am I gonna fall on my face?
Am I gonna, you know...
Am I have to have to go back
to my, you know, hometown?
Um...
You know, I had no idea
what I was gonna do. None.
Hey, who is the girl
with the purple in her hair?
That woman's gorgeous.
She's like the perfect because
she's got the black eyeliner,
which is that mysterious look.
The best two women
in the show ever.
-Anna.
-Anna.
Season 1.
Perfect.
And the bartender.
My brother-in-law's like,
"I have someone
I'd like to set you up with."
And so we went
on this blind date,
and we were, like, talking
about birthdays and stuff.
You know, I said, "Oh, well,
when's your birthday?"
And he was so embarrassed.
He's like, "Today."
When we were in Joshua Tree,
it started getting dark,
and, you know, it's desert.
And he kind of started like
freaking out a little bit.
He was just like
not comfortable.
And he was starting
to feel like,
you know, reminded him of Iraq.
Everyone gets blown up or
everyone gets hit by an IED.
I got super lucky on mine.
Um, I was just luckily
behind the shield standing up.
And as soon as I saw the wire,
it was too late
and we just got rocked.
I got into it
because I needed a job
when I got out of the military,
and I didn't know if I was
going to like it or not.
And I just kept progressing
and getting a different position
and moving up
with different companies.
I fell in love with it,
and it was a lot of fun.
And it was like L.A.
It was hip. It was cool.
Like, all these architects
and designers.
Everyone's
wearing scarves inside.
You know, it's like...
You felt like... All right.
These people are pretty cool.
You know? It's a big joke.
If you see someone with a scarf,
they know what they're doing,
especially when it's June.
So over here,
we've got the timber.
Ben used his G.I. Bill
to get two masters,
including an MBA.
He has worked his way up
in the construction business.
How many partners
are there in the firm?
Just me.
So it's him and myself.
-That's it?
-Mm-hmm.
-You are so modest.
-Maybe.
Come on. He's only got
one other owner. It's you.
Hey, listen, it's cool.
I'm not... I'm not...
It's... I wouldn't turn it down.
What advice would you give
to young soldiers
coming out of the military?
To use the G.I. Bill.
You can do anything.
You can go into business.
You can start your own business.
You can be an artist.
You can go anywhere.
How would you feel
about your boys
deciding they want
to go in the military?
I hope not.
I knew you were
going to ask me that.
I don't want them to join.
I don't want them to join.
I'm not going to push it
one way or the other.
And this is more
of a political thing
where I'm not sure
I fully understand
what the mission is.
And so my biggest fear
is that my kids would end up
in the same spot I was at.
And that's...
that's frightening.
My whole family did it.
My father's like,
"All right, we're done.
The Fischers are done.
We've been in every conflict.
We're done. All right?"
My parents had come to Italy
to walk in the footsteps
of my grandfather
and my mother's uncle,
Vincent Streit,
who earned a Silver Star
for valor and died in Sicily.
So, your uncle actually
came in more of assault
down from this area over here...
-Okay.
-and came up
the hill right here,
right around this area.
So we are standing in the area
where he probably lost his life.
Yeah.
You look at all
the beauty around you,
you can hardly believe
what took place here.
It's just amazing.
One of the most moving moments
of my entire visit
in the cemetery
was watching those children.
Joe had told them,
"Kiss Uncle Vincent's grave,"
and they kissed his tombstone.
And then all off on their own,
they started to walk down
the rows of the cemetery
and kiss every tombstone there.
And I thought, could there be
a more moving
or touching moment?
I hope their spirit
was somewhere rejoicing
at these small children...
kissing their tombstone,
because that is what, to me,
they gave their life for
so that somebody else
would have a chance to live
a freer and better existence.
What are you going to see
a counselor about?
My anger.
-Really?
-Yeah.
Honestly, in the first film,
you weren't getting
any counseling, were you?
No.
Probably part of the reason
why my marriage failed.
I mean, there's other factors.
Trust me, there's plenty
of other factors there.
But, you know,
that was the one thing
I wised up
the second time around,
getting married,
was marriage counseling.
Been to marriage counseling.
So sometimes it works.
Sometimes it doesn't.
As you know.
I've been to counseling. Yeah.
We all got problems.
Whoever doesn't's a liar.
When did you get
traumatic brain injury?
When have I not?
-Yeah?
-Well, I mean,
It's just multiple explosions.
Multiple explosions.
Multiple bad jumps.
Multiple falls.
Multiple car accidents.
And then explosions.
You get hit with IEDs?
Yeah. IEDs. RPGs.
And then just regular door
chargers, things like that.
Were you in combat? Were you...
Yeah. I mean,
of course I'd be in combat
if I got hit by a fucking RPG.
What kind of fucking question
is that?
Well, tell me
a little bit about the story.
Like, what was going on?
Oh, we were just going
through a valley
and we were
all in the vehicles as a team
and then just got hit
by an RP... R... Geez. RPG. So...
Dazed and confused,
the entire truck.
Wow.
Came to. Kept fighting, so...
What do you think happened
in Afghanistan?
Us using an American solution
to an Afghanistan problem.
Investing more
into the infrastructure.
Nation building actually
is pretty critical there,
even though it's not favorable.
But if you
don't build legitimacy
in the government there...
Because they have to supply
services and security.
Right? So we were pretty good
at pulling security,
but we didn't provide services.
We didn't provide sewage. They
still don't have closed sewage
in Kabul 20 years later.
How does an Afghan
have faith in a government
if there's 25% unemployment rate
and a Taliban member
can just pay him 100 bucks
to shoot a rifle
at, you know, Americans?
You know, my understanding
of what we did in Afghanistan
is we used kind of a warlord,
backed him up,
knocked the Taliban
all the way back,
all the way to Pakistan,
and had kind of a good
space there for a while.
But what we didn't do
was reinforce the structure
that was already there.
That's a good point.
So you're absolutely right.
And it's funny
because my last deployment,
I actually went
to a house of a warlord
and had dinner with him.
And ever since they won,
the Northern Alliance won,
or kicked the Taliban out,
the UN has sidelined
all the warlords
because they felt that they
were too brutal or whatever.
So they basically
had to disband.
But again,
it goes back to the thing.
How has Afghanistan
as a people, as a culture,
operated their entire history?
Right? And then
we come in here and say,
"No, this is the way
you gotta do it
because we're right.
This is the way we've done it.
It'll work for you.
Just trust us."
I get concerned sometimes
that as Americans,
we're not learning from
these wars or deployments.
I feel like we should
be getting better at it
as time goes on, and sometimes
I wonder if we are.
I think, honestly, the nation
has learned a little bit.
If you look at the way
ISIS was fought,
there was American troops
on the ground,
but it was a lot less.
The reason why we lost that war
is because we couldn't
really get after
the Taliban like we needed to.
We couldn't go into Pakistan.
It's an arbitrary line.
We're the only ones that see
that as a line in the sand.
The enemy does not.
There is no border to them.
They don't have any borders.
As I started to realize
that my military career
is gonna come to an end,
I started looking at what
am I gonna do with my life.
We both have a lifelong dream
of always having a farm
and raising our children
on that farm.
Do it organically, sustainably
'cause I care for the earth.
That's one of my big things.
I'm kind of like a tree hugger.
Even though I'm in the
military, it's kind of weird.
It's like an oxymoron,
I guess. I don't know.
But part of that's
from being in Boy Scouts,
me and Thad, you know,
being out in the woods.
I've always enjoyed nature.
It brings me back to my Zen.
What's next?
Watching my children grow up.
You know, raising vines
and making it into fine wines.
I think that's
the important thing.
I mean, the moment
you stop, like, dreaming
or growing or whatever
this moment, you're gonna die.
Tunisia was still closed
to all foreign business
and tourism.
Against all odds,
I was granted authorization
by the Minister of Culture
to join Isaac
for the last week
of his final deployment.
What I was told
is over a million Tunisians
gathered in protest,
and this became the genesis
for the entire Arab Spring
in 2011.
Tunisia was ready to embrace
this kind of change.
They've been holding elections
and putting leaders in place
that they believed in
ever since.
So they have
a functioning democracy.
What I've experienced here
is that a lot of the people
welcomed America
and enjoy working
with Americans,
while anxious to show
what they know
about American culture.
It's nice that I don't
have to kill people
to gain momentum in our mission.
It's really nice for once.
We're trying to scope the vision
for their military
moving forward.
Not only are we going
to help you procure
some really
state-of-the-art equipment,
we're also going
to send in an element
that can help train you
on how to best use it.
To wait until there's a problem
to introduce
ourselves someplace,
we have learned that that
is a recipe for disaster.
We need to look
toward the future.
Other superpowers
in the world are.
Are you ready
to leave all this behind?
But I don't have a choice.
If you asked me
if I was staying in
and what I wanted to do,
I could tell you
next 10, 15 years.
But I'm about to embark
on a departure
from everything I've known
for the last 25 years.
This is the end of the road.
When you look out
and you see all of them,
it's, uh, haunting.
That's the cost of freedom.
You know, I gotta tell you,
after 15 deployments
between you and Joe,
I'm glad that you guys
are not here.
Well, technically,
this cemetery's closed
and I can't be buried here.
I'll never forget
the guys that...
that weren't as fortunate
that don't get
to have a life after.
Um, and I think
for a lot of us...
it just inspires us to make
good on the time we are given.
So, you know, I'm gonna make
the most of that next chapter.
Because friends of mine
didn't get that chance.
Guys like Sammy, Ernie.
Sammy!
Coming home has always been
the hardest part
of being a warrior.
But maybe
if we walk beside them,
they can make it
all the way home.
I've dealt with my ghosts
And I faced all my demons
I'm finally content
with a past I regret
I found you find strength
in your moments of weakness
For once
I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame
Trapped in the past for too long
I'm moving on
I've lived in this place
and I know all the faces
Each one is different,
but they're always the same
They mean me no harm
But it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home
would end up
Where I don't belong
I'm moving on
I'm moving on
At last I can see
Life has been patiently
waiting for me
And I know
There's no guarantees
But I'm not
Alone
There comes a time
In everyone's life
When all you can see
are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind
That those days
Are gone
I sold what I could
And packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up
on my way out of town
I love like I should,
but live like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything
to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find
me somewhere down this road
I'm moving on
I'm moving on
I'm moving on