Bruno & Boots: Go Jump in the Pool (2016) Movie Script
1
Founded in 1892.
Over 100 years of tradition,
academic excellence and
preparing boys for leadership.
At least, that's what
it says in the brochure.
That's Bruno Walton.
He almost broke his arm
to get out of a test.
He broke the wrong arm and
still had to write the test,
but, you know. Some people
call him crazy,
I call him my best friend.
Me!
That other guy?
The one who knew that
that branch
couldn't hold both of us?
That's me. Melvin O'Neal.
But nobody calls me that.
Let's go.
Okay!
And for the next four years,
providing we don't get
expelled,
or worse...
we call this place home.
You can call it Macdonald Hall.
You're all I know
We're discussing everything
In 100 years, not much
has changed at the Hall.
There may be richer schools,
more athletic schools,
more smart-- Smarter schools...
but you know,
that's the way we like it.
There's no better school
than Macdonald Hall.
It has practically everything.
Said oh, whoa
Let's go!
Oh, whoa
Here we go
You're on your own
Lovers come
And they will go
Your shadows
Will seem to grow
I've known beasts
And wild things
I can't control
But what I guess
Is simplicity
Being on your own
Let's go! Come on!
To be alone?
Come on!
Now, you might be wondering
why there aren't any girls her.
That's because
they're across the road,
at the Scrimmage Academy
for Education and Awakening,
where they do...
You know, I'm not really
sure what they do.
But that's the fun stuff.
There's also the not-fun stuff.
And the king of all not-fun
stuff is... The Fish.
No one knows who gave him
the nickname,
but he never blinks,
never breathes,
he once ate a worm, though he
doesn't actually know that,
and his name's
William Sturgeon,
which is apparently
some sort of fish.
Come on, we got classes to get
to and Christmas break to plan.
Okay, Elmer. On three.
Okay? One, two, three!
Whoa!
All right, buddy. Phase two!
Let's do it!
Tradition, exploding banners,
a pair of irresistible
troublemakers...
Macdonald Hall has everything.
Well, okay. Almost everything.
Go Macdonald!
Go Macdonald.
Get out there!
Speed. Determination.
Endurance.
That's what you're up against.
So just try and remember
the most important thing:
swim real fast.
Oh, and don't try
and splash too much.
It'll distract O'Neal.
Let's be honest,
he's pretty much
all we got. So...
Swimmers, take your positions.
Holy mother of pearl!
York! Go York!
Easy, partner.
Macdonald who?
Let's go, guys! Hey, when
I say Macdonald, you say?
Hall.
All right,
when I say Macdonald, you say?
Shut up!
Guys, come on.
Show some Hall spirit.
Are we gonna beat
those York turkeys?
According to previous matches,
the odds are 3789 to 1.
Give or take.
Elmer, what good does your math
do if it just subtracts hope?
Chris, how's the victory
poster coming along?
Chris...
Wait!
Don't let them start!
I can't believe it.
I'm so excited!
That is the spirit
I'm talking about--
Pizzaroo Pouches.
The York caf has them!
Sorry... had Pizzaroo Pouches.
Had.
I say Pizzaroo, you say?
Pouches!
Pizzaroo.
Pouches!
Knock it off, Burton.
Sorry, Walton.
The only way Scrimmage
would let us come
was to make it an
independent study.
We're going with "Inside a
Losing Streak. The Mental Toll."
Hey! We can always win.
You guys just gotta have faith.
Oh, goodness.
Swimmers, please
take your positions.
Go York!
Go buddy!
Have a good race, Chip.
Have a bad race, Boots.
Go York!
Three, two, one, go!
No! No! I don't
want to do it anymore.
I changed my mind!
Come on! Come on!
Get in there!
Go Boots! Go Boots!
A little more, Boots!
No!
Yeah, get in there!
Go Boots, go Boots! Come on!
Go Boots!
Come on, O'Neal!
Yeah! Yeah, man!
Thank you very much.
Congratulations.
You deserve this.
You made the school very proud.
York's the best!
Okay, boys.
See you on the bus.
They may be turkeys,
but those York boys
have the webbed feet of a duck.
Yeah, what do you expect?
They have their own pool.
Our team gets two hours a month
at the community center.
And most of that time is spent
trying to figure out who
stole their clothes.
Good race, Chip.
No way, dude. Wouldn't want
to catch any "loseritis."
Hey! What was that?
Bruno... I know that look.
I don't like that look. Please.
We just got over our detentions
for Operation Banner Blast.
Guys.
Would I ever do anything
that was rash and dangerous
if it wasn't also
awesome and dangerous?
Yes. Constantly.
Thinking what I'm thinking?
Maybe.
But I don't know
where we can find
23 glow sticks and a panda
for him, right now.
Nice freestyling, but, uh...
Thank you.
I'm kinda thinking
Operation Fizzle Fix.
I'm one step ahead of you.
Well, here we go again.
All right, listen up, boys.
Look, maybe we didn't win today.
No, we definitely lost.
But winning is not everything.
Let's remember what's
important in life.
Pizzaroo Pouches?
No, Hackenschleimer.
So then I said,
"no way, dude!
Wouldn't want to
catch any 'loseritis'"!
Oh, it doesn't get
any better than that!
Well, that should take care
of any "loseritis."
Yeah, we should run.
We should run. We should run.
Losing is something of
a tradition at Macdonald Hall.
You know, some of
our top swimmers
have gone on to lose
at the Olympics.
Well, settle down,
It's not over yet
Well, turn around, there are
Things you mustn't forget
I'm coming for you!
Coming!
Losers!
Sir, you know, we're all very
eager to resume our studies,
so maybe we should
drive away as fast as possible.
Quite right.
Everybody on the bus?
Whoop!
Mr. Walton. Ms. Burton.
Nice of you to join us.
Oh, no sweat,
Headmaster Sturgeon.
Don't mind me.
You can just drop me off
at Scrimmage's.
Can we?
Oh, how lucky for us.
Did you have a good time
at the swim meet today?
Are you kidding me, sir?
Today has been...
fizz-tastic.
Right, boys? Right?
At least some of them
are taking it well.
Swimming is so stupid.
They did what?!
Yes, 20 liters of Fizz-All
dumped in the pool.
Stolen from our infirmary.
Bad sportsmanship, William.
Really, Hartley?
As bad as your boys
knocking our swim team
captain into the pool?
Nevertheless, I do hope
there'll be some consequences
before our next swim meet. The
stress is killing my stomach.
I don't mind telling you.
I'll handle my boys, Hartley,
and as for your stomach...
why don't you have
a sip of your pool?
Hmm?
Oh, you hung up.
I guess I'm going to get
the last word.
Word!
Headmaster Sturgeon.
Mr. Sturgeon?
This is Eugenia Scrimmage,
from across the road.
Bob Hartley
from the York Boys' Academy
tells me that
one of my young women
was involved
in an aggressive activity
intended to cause distress
and/or offence to others.
You mean a prank?
Well, what you call a prank
I call a desperate cry for help
for students who have
no outlet for creativity
and emotional growth.
"Prank" is shorter.
I'm inviting my students
to form a sharing circle
to discuss their feelings that
led to these "pranks."
Your boys are welcome.
Ms. Scrimmage,
the only thing my boys need
to share is an understanding
of what happens
when they break the rules.
My rules. But...
thank you for your concern.
Hello?
Hello?
Ms. Davis?
Bruno and Boots?
If you please.
Yep.
That's a non-regulation
shirt, Spencer. Two demerits.
Bruno and Boots
to the headmaster's office.
Thank you.
Pierce! Running in the halls.
Three demerits. And you,
with the non-regulation
eraser up your nose.
One demerit.
Walton. You and your
roommate must report to--
What was that?
What's what, George
Wexford-Smythe III?
That's George
Wexford-Smythe the Third.
I'm not a movie sequel.
Really? Because I heard
every one of you
is worse than the last.
Yeah.
That's a pathetic excuse
for a punchline. Five demerits.
Oh, yeah, keep laughing.
Because clearly you're
not in enough trouble.
All right.
Got my eye on you, Bruno!
I see everything!
But, guys,
all my friends are here!
I have great classes.
I'm trying my best!
It's-- It's everything.
You can't take that away.
We can talk about it later.
Hon, we gotta go.
Race starts in 20 minutes.
We know you can do great
things, Melvin.
There's a leader in you.
We just want to see it.
Love you!
I couldn't agree more.
Hello, Bruno.
Hi.
Goodbye, Bruno.
Oh. See ya.
Dude, you're not still bummed
about that race, right?
No! Look, it's not that.
No, look. It's all cool, man.
Don't worry about it.
Are you sure, man?
Yeah.
Okay, good.
'Cause the, uh,
Fish wants to see us
in his office. Pronto.
Great.
But, you know,
I've got a feeling that he's
gonna be in a good mood today.
...not to mention extremely
poor sportsmanship.
Surely Macdonald Hall boys know
how to lose graciously.
Losing graciously is about
all we know how to do.
I take full responsibility
for this, sir. It's just,
when they pushed Boots in the
pool and everything, I just...
I don't know, I guess
I just kind of lost control.
Oh, the pranks seemed very
well-controlled, Walton.
Okay, first, you know,
thank you. And--
Not a compliment.
Thank you.
Sir,
have I ever done anything
that wasn't 100 percent
deserved?
Need I remind you of the
Moldovan flag incident?
Oh! No, you, uh, you don't
need to remind us of that.
The court case
is actually still pending.
The unfortunate incident
regarding the penguin
and federal authorities?
That penguin
knew exactly what
he was getting into. We've--
The green wiener incident?
Well, actually, sir,
in our defense,
it was St. Patrick's Day.
Not that green wiener incident.
Oh.
Oh.
Look. Regardless of who
deserves what, the question now
is who deserves to clean up
the mess at York Academy.
Elmer Drimsdale
said that in five days
the pool will
be as good as new.
Actually, with the Fizz-All
purifying the water,
probably better than new.
Yeah.
So, I mean, in a way, York
kind of owes us a thank-you.
Quit while
you're ahead, O'Neal.
Yes, sir.
If Elmer is right,
and lucky for you,
he usually is,
punishment will be light.
One week confined to
your rooms after dinner.
Out.
Uh, sir, if I do an extra week
of punishment now, does that
come off any future punishments?
It's a good question.
Boys...
One moment. Sit down again.
Since you both
came to Macdonald Hall,
you've expended not an
inconsiderable amount of energy
on things that explode, fizz,
rumble, shatter, squish...
Squish?
Operation Pudding Pants.
Oh.
Think about what good
could happen if you put all
of that energy into something
that would last. You're not
going to be here forever.
Actually, sir,
I'm working on that one.
I probably won't even
be here next year.
What?
My parents want to pull me out
of Macdonald Hall.
Uh...
Could-- Could--
Could you give us a minute?
This is my office.
I was gonna say...
Yeah, but why, Boots?
You know my mom.
She was on
the Olympic gym squad.
Can I have your autograph?
And my dad still coaches
basketball. They're jocks.
I'm a jock!
Thanks, man. See ya.
They just think I belong at
a school that's better for...
jocks.
Yeah, but dude,
we've been best pals
since the first day.
Do you remember our first day?
Yeah. How could I forget?
I said I want too much
One second!
Woo!
Oh, uh,
don't worry. My side of the room
is just as bad as yours.
Hey. Uh...
Sup?
I'm Melvin.
We're gonna have
to change that. Okay, Melvin.
I am gonna call you...
uh... pants.
Pants?
Ah, we'll work on it.
Come on in, man. How you doing?
Did you see a fire extinguisher
on the way in? Neither did I.
And that is when I knew that
we'd be best pals forever.
How you literally
blew up our room
and then gave me
a nickname they hate
probably won't
convince my folks.
Why do they need
convincing, dude?
You've already got the greatest
friend in the world,
and you go to the number one
school in the country.
Okay,
number one at attendance.
But do your folks
know that?
Look, I know that
and you know that.
But if my folks don't care,
what can I do about it?
Tell you what
you can do about it.
Just... I'll put the word out,
okay? Midnight meeting.
Sound good?
All right, let's do it.
See you, man.
See you.
Password?
It's us, Elmer.
Bruno says we need a password.
No exceptions.
I think it's "open the door,
or we'll open it for you."
With your head.
All lower case.
All one word.
Ah!
Now I don't
want to blow things
out of proportion or anything,
but this could be
the darkest hour
in Macdonald Hall history.
Ever.
Got your message. What's up?
Oh, nothing major.
Doom, gloom and life
as we know it. Hot chocolate?
Could you be a little bit more
specific? If we get caught here,
Scrimmage has us in self-esteem
building exercises for a month.
Boots might get kicked out
of the Hall next year.
And obviously,
that can't happen.
Macdonald Hall without
Bruno and Boots is like...
like the North Pole without
Santa and Mrs. Claus.
I'm Santa.
Okay?
But we are here to make sure
that that doesn't happen, right?
Indubitably.
I couldn't have said, mumbled
or drawn it better myself!
Uh, all right, everyone.
Show us what you got.
Best idea wins, but there
are no wrong answers.
So with glasses and
a moustache, Boots will be
unrecognizable to his parents
when they come to get him.
Meaning he can stay. Forever!
I'm Boots. Yeah. Hoo hoo!
Can't find me. Uh, huh.
"And after a few
"termite generations,
Boots's new school will be
"a pile of sawdust.
You can't be sent to a school
that doesn't exist."
I think this could work.
Yeah...
So once we cross the equator,
the Earth's gravitational pull
should allow us to slingshot
through the Earth's atmosphere.
And the llamas, Elmer?
I'm getting to the llamas!
Anyways. Once we reverse
the polarity of the neutron
flow, we should generate one...
Oh... okay. okay.
Okay, show of hands.
Does anybody have an idea
that doesn't involve
breaking the law?
Or destroying another school.
Or llamas.
Okay, um, remember when I said
there are no bad ideas? Yeah--
Your problem
isn't Boots leaving.
Your problem is convincing
his folks to let him stay.
So what makes
a York better than the Hall?
Nothing.
Yeah.
Except for Pizzaroo Pouches.
And their pool.
I kinda wish we had that.
Wilbur! That's it!
We're gonna get
Pizzaroo Pouches?!
No, we steal
York's pool! Right?
The question, okay?
How do we convince Boots'
jock parents to let him stay
at the Hall? The answer:
by giving him
everything a jock needs,
including his own pool.
Chris, dude,
you're an inspiration
to artists everywhere.
All right, Elmer,
what's the cost?
Materials, labor,
insurance, water costs...
150,000.
Dollars?!
Boys, how are we supposed to
make that kind of money?
It's easy.
Okay, Wilbur, take this down.
Needed: $150,000.
Okay, well, now all
we need is a plan.
Oh, well, yeah. When you put it
like that, basically half done.
That's the spirit.
Now, Boots. What would
make your parents
almost as happy
as us getting a pool?
Oh, you mean besides me
getting a new roommate?
By you winning the next
York Academy-Macdonald Hall
swim meet.
Oh, perfect, okay.
Quick question:
how am I supposed to do the
thing that nobody's been able
to do in the last... oh, what
is it? I don't know... ever?
Dude, because you're awesome.
And you know how I know that?
Because I am awesome.
And awesome sticks to awesome
to make even awesomer to...
Plus, if you don't,
by this time next year you're
going to be sharing some dorm
with a meathead named Crusher
who probably smells
like sweat socks and cheese,
so...
balanced?
How do you get me
every time, man?
I am just that good.
Okay, next.
Read me that checklist.
Needed: $150,000.
Why would my family
just give you $150,000?
Uh, because I said please?
No, you didn't.
Right. Well...
how about because your family
is one of the richest
in the country?
Do you think they
got that wealthy by
giving out money to stupid
things like swimming pools?
Didn't your dad buy Iceland?
No! Just rented it.
And only for Mother's Day.
You wanna make
a lot of money, Bruno?
Here's my advice.
Take everything you own
and sell it.
With the 20 bucks you get,
go downtown and
buy yourself a clue.
That's it!
George!
Oh, no! Do not touch me.
You're a genius.
Naiman! You press that tie.
Three demerits.
Yeah.
So that's it? We're just done,
there's no more team anymore?
Boys? What's up?
"Dear boys.
"I always said having fun
mattered more than winning.
"Well, I've had so much
fun with you guys
"that I've decided to try
winning on for size.
"I have accepted
a position at York Academy.
Yours, Coach Flynn."
Are you serious?
I guess we should just go.
Hey, come on, boys.
Where are you going?
We have no coach.
What else are we gonna do?
Guys. If I don't win
this next swim meet,
I'm gonna be stuck with Crusher.
And I hate cheese.
What?
We wanna win our next
swim meet, right?
I was kind of hoping
to learn how to swim first.
We'll work on that. You know,
uh, I'll be the coach.
Okay? I'll run the training.
We'll win.
Who's with me?
I like the sound of that!
By yelling,
he makes it sound possible.
Let's do this!
Yeah!
Rummage sale, boys!
With all the stuff we have,
we're gonna make this money
in no time, okay?
But everything must go!
Okay, okay, okay,
let's see what you got.
So okay,
hockey cards are nice--
Ooh-- But, see, hockey
equipment is nicer, right?
Think big!
Okay, see, you don't
need this lamp, dude.
Just sell it, right? Got that?
Doesn't that belong
to the school?
Well, yeah, but the money we
raise is for the school. Right?
True.
Right.
Now, who has a spare kidney?
Bruno! Bruno!
All right. So I got my Junior
Genius Science Set,
my old protractors-- Whoa.
New protractor.
Great, Elmer.
Now, do you have anything people
might actually want?
Yes, if they don't mind
pre-owned orthodontia.
Burton!
Walton.
What's this I hear
about a rummage sale?
Oh, everything must go.
Do you want in?
Well, what's in it for us?
Uh... glory,
our deepest thanks,
um, a used retainer.
Goodbye, Walton.
And-- And...
free access to the pool
for all the Scrimmage girls.
At any time.
We need everything
by next weekend.
Does that give
you enough time?
No problem.
We're in independent learning.
"Traps Through the Ages."
My idea.
Geeze.
Do you guys ever do
any actual schoolwork?
Scrimmage believes
in learning through living.
I'm dancing my geometry
test next week.
Jealous?
Totally.
Later, Burton.
Elmer?
Do you still have that ant farm
from Operation, uh...
Ant Blaster?
Only 17 unaccounted for.
Good. Here's what
I'm thinking.
Ants. Why pay
to have them removed
when you can just pay
to have them as your pets?
I'll get some jars.
I see you've tidied.
How's the swim team?
Ugh, don't ask.
Hey, is The Fish gonna be okay
with all this--?
Is that a bag of doorknobs?
What are you--?
It is a bag of victory.
Never mind that.
Check this out.
It's the official website
of the Boots O'Neal fan club.
Chris designed it
and of course, I wrote it.
It's pretty awesome, huh?
Yeah, pretty ridiculous.
Who's that even for?
Uh, well, fans.
Future stalkers...
Oh, and I don't know,
maybe a certain set of parents
who need to be reminded
of how awesome their son is?
They're jocks. Not idiots.
There's no way they're going
to believe I said all this.
Why not? You wouldn't say
anything that isn't true.
Yeah, but I'm not
writing it. You are.
Yeah, I'm your best friend.
Who knows better
what you would say?
Yeah, but...
You really are something, man.
Glad you noticed.
How many n's in "winningocity"?
Winn-ing... Three?
By McKinsey's beard...
That is right, folks,
everything must go!
Where did that--
You don't like the offer?
We will give you a completely
different offer.
Everything must go.
And no jar of ants
would be complete
without our
trusty how-to guides.
And if you lose your ants,
we've got that covered too.
All right.
Bidding starts at $15.
Okay, $10.
Okay, five bucks, guys.
We're getting desperate here.
Twenty bucks or best offer!
Look at you!
Shakespeare's typewriter?
One of a kind.
People, I still
see stuff on tables.
I still see tables.
You want one?
Take it. Give us an offer
and we'll make you a deal.
Everything must go--
Down here. Right now.
This instant.
I'll handle this.
Mr. Sturgeon.
Great to see you.
Thank you for coming.
Do you know how much money
we've made for the pool?
What? What are you talking
about? What money, what pool?
Who gave you permission
to do this?
Mr. Sturgeon, let's be honest.
If I asked you for permission
to hold this rummage sale
on school property,
wouldn't you have said no?
Absolutely.
See? So obviously I made the
right choice not to tell you.
Well, well, Sturgeon.
Quite the scene.
Well, if it isn't
Headmaster Hartley
of York Boys' Academy.
Having a nice time, Bob?
Well, I just picked up
Sherlock Holmes'
copper umbrella stand
for $10,
so that's something.
Mm-hmm. Well, you know,
that probably didn't belong
to Sherlock Holmes.
Oh? And how would you know?
Well, for one thing, Sherlock
Holmes wasn't a real person.
Then explain
the umbrella stand.
Anyways, I'm surprised
that you would
go for something like this.
After all, a rummage sale
is so...
Awesome? Sir, I totally agree.
But do you know what would be
even more awesome?
Macdonald Hall Sturgeon Memorial
Aquatic Facility and Pool-adium.
Pooladium.
You listen to me
very carefully.
Number one, I'm not dead yet.
Number two, I--
Wait, wait.
Do you find something really
funny about this, Hartley?
So this is all for a pool?
Yeah!
Oh. And how many rummage sales
do you think that will take?
That's actually a very good
question, sir. We've done
the math, with Elmer,
and he said,
you know, if we have one every
other day, maybe every day
in June--
Ohh.
You know what, Hartley?
I'd worry less about how
we're going to get our pool
and more about how
you're going to deal with us
at the next swim meet.
Oh, I look forward to it,
Sturgeon.
Gentlemen, gentlemen. This is
a friendly rummage sale.
You know, sir, there are some
very nice CDs over there
and you know, there's
a weightlifting set here
that you can't afford not
to buy, sir. It's quite nice.
If you like that stand,
here's another deal...
It is killer.
I don't know how I'm
going to, like, carry it.
A genuine hand-built
medieval rodent catcher,
ladies and gentlemen.
But that's not all.
It also makes
an excellent juicer.
So, uh, you made this, huh?
I don't suppose
you could, uh, maybe
make us a pool
for us to train in, huh?
Yeah.
But, um, maybe
I can help with some
training equipment.
Really?
I might have some ideas.
That would be great. Uh...
You know, I guess it would have
to be on dry land, though,
'cause you can't put
training wheels on water.
I'll catch you around.
William. Do you know what
I see when I look at all this?
Chaos?
Inspiration.
Do you know that your boys
and my girls planned this
all by themselves?
No fear, no worries--
No parking, no oversight,
inadequate toilet facilities...
Oh, you. Really. What's the
worst that could happen?
Let's wait and see, shall we?
There's no need,
I already did.
And it's remarkable.
Fifty, 60, 70.
Doing the rat catchers and all
the other stuff we brought in,
tell me if we didn't bring in
the most money so far.
Yeah. You know,
not bad, but, um...
not the best. Tell you what.
The top fundraiser
at the end of this
gets bragging rights.
And the first swim in the pool.
Plus their name on it.
The Cathy Burton Macdonald Hall
Sturgeon Memorial
Aquatic Facility and Pooladium.
Has a nice ring to it,
don't you think?
Game on.
$2718.19.
Oh, yeah!
Wilbur, with all those fire
extinguishers that you sold,
man, you put us,
like, way over the top.
Yeah, but Chris's signs
told everybody where to go.
And after today, we have...
3.30125 percent
of the required funds.
And that's less
than what we need?
So what? That's like, what...
...30 more rummage sales?
No problem, guys!
What do you think, Boots?
Guys.
This is not good.
And if they try
to take her girls,
remember: no mercy, no quarter!
Save our Scrimmage!
Save our Scrimmage!
Save our Scrimmage!
What is the meaning
of this nonsense?
Oh, hey, Headmaster Sturgeon.
Nice to see you.
Sorry to disturb,
but our beloved leader
has been falsely accused!
Save our Scrimmage!
Save our Scrimmage!
Backup, Joe.
These kittens have claws,
but they-- Ah! No!
Yes, girls. Yes! Yes! Yes!
Send backup immediately.
Full riot gear.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
And Bruno's fault.
Yeah, well, I'm not sure,
but... probably.
Officers,
what could the charges
against Ms. Scrimmage
possibly be?
Armed robbery, for one.
Armed robbery?!
Yep. Someone held up
the Fast Mart.
With this.
That could belong to anyone.
"Property of Eugenia
Scrimmage."
William.
Tell them it wasn't me.
Officers, just curious.
If she were to be arrested,
how long would
she be away for, exactly?
I can hear you!
Yes. Goodbye.
Uh... Burton.
An actual dinosaur
backscratcher.
But that's not all.
Buy this now
and we'll throw in
those bags you got there.
Oh, yeah, we donated that.
Maybe that should have
tipped us off,
when he left without paying.
Really? That's what would
have tipped you off?
Officers,
I should also say
that I had the privilege
of Ms. Scrimmage's company
for the entire afternoon,
so she couldn't possibly be
your robber.
Okay. She can go.
Thanks, Headmaster.
Well done.
Well, all is well,
blah, blah,
blah, blah. Let's go to bed.
Yeah.
Not so fast, boys.
You know, a rummage sale usually
implies the sale of items
belonging to the seller. Hmm?
That would not include every
brass doorknob in the school,
the gym program's weight set,
or my chair!
Yeah, sir, but every penny we
make is going towards the pool.
We're saving the Hall.
Walton, you can't save the
school by selling the school.
Okay, yeah, but that's--
Okay, now you see, that--
Ah, actually,
that's a really good point.
Mr. Sturgeon, maybe
we went a bit too far.
But we were just trying to
follow your advice.
Make something that lasts?
This pool will last.
And we're just getting
started. See this?
Boys, I am still headmaster
of this institution, correct?
When there's a meeting,
I chair them.
When there's an exam,
I examine them.
When the grass is cut, I...
I don't normally cut the grass,
but those are the rules.
Now I know you had good
intentions, but I'd like
to point out a great deal of
harm can be caused
by people with good intentions.
Gotcha.
But, um...
can we keep fundraising?
You will tell me about
everything, okay?
I will keep the money safe here.
But for now...
yes.
Thank you, sir.
We're going to make this happen
and you will see. And you know,
we're practically there.
2800 bucks.
So... we're just gonna
steal their stuff?
It's not stealing. York buys
all-new equipment every year.
It's literally garbage.
Oh. Well, when you
put it like that...
I kind of feel
even worse about it.
I don't have to
help you with this.
I'm a Scrimmage girl,
you're a Hall boy.
We're from two different worlds.
Different universes.
We're across the road.
It's a wide road.
Okay, so...
why are you helping me, then?
That's my business.
Your business
is making up your mind.
Are you in or out?
All right.
So she's like, "Wow, Chip.
It's like you have
a double six pack."
And I'm like,
"Yeah. It's a ten pack."
Well, well, well. Come to see
what a real winner looks like,
swimmer boy?
Oh, yeah, Chip.
You know, I can't
imagine how you do it.
Well, we're mostly
on a protein diet. Eggs,
fish, lean steak, lots of
vitamin C, D and E.
Oh, and the secret ingredient:
Pilates.
Hey!
Shut up.
What are you doing here?
Oh, just, uh...
admiring your garbage, Chip.
So, um, about
the Pilates. You know,
I'm not really sure if it's
right for me. You know,
I always go back and forth...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a solid routine.
You know, I could show you
a really good one.
Yeah.
Or not.
You know, it feels like you
guys are up to something.
Up to something? Come on.
No.
Something I should probably
make a really mean joke about.
You know, so I'm gonna
go figure that out
and the next time
I see you, be ready.
Bye, Boots.
Hey, Chip!
Next time I see you,
you won't be making any jokes.
All right,
let's get the stuff.
No single thought
Or double thinking
No triple checks on moves
Or what they're feeling
This is their stage,
An ode to their last days
Crying out to the world
The quiet has
Now been heard
Oh, and some days
I feel the same way
But I can hardly
Feel the beat
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
You're kicking it up,
You're kicking up a scene
You're playing a song,
You play it on repeat
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
You're kicking it up,
You're kicking up a scene
You're playing a song,
You play it on repeat
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
And I can hardly
Feel the beat
You're doing it right
You do it right for me
You're kicking it up,
You're kicking up a scene
You're playing a song,
You play it on repeat
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
Which means we are 1/3
of the way there.
But school
is already half over.
Thank goodness.
What was that?
That you-- That you boys have
accomplished so much.
I think you've made
more than anybody
in Macdonald Hall history.
Well, not including prohibition.
Well, say it's not enough.
See, we've done
online contests--
Thank you--
Lottery draws, and actually,
I'm meeting with a Nigerian
prince next week.
We could do, like,
I don't know, a talent show?
That'd only work
if we had talent.
Eating contest?
Chris could do caricatures!
Oh, that's good.
Have you seen the one
he did of you, Mr. Sturgeon?
Actually, it's right here.
Right?
That does not look
anything like my...
car.
We need something big,
you know? Bold.
Beyond just the school,
you know?
Something like, um...
something like this cupcake.
Ms. Davis,
could you perhaps make about
$1000 worth of these cupcakes?
They look amazing.
Actually, Willy made those.
He bakes to relieve the stress.
You bake?
You bake cupcakes.
Your name's Willy?
It's William, okay?
That's all for today.
Thanks very much, Ms. Davis.
Thank you.
Well, uh, you know, anyways,
Willy. What are you
so stressed about?
Oh, I can't imagine.
In any case, I already have
a job to do, so thank you.
Headmaster Sturgeon,
Ms. Scrimmage is here
to see you.
She wants to show you something.
Headmaster Sturgeon?
Hello?
Willy? What are you doing?
Willy?
Quiet and peaceful.
Too peace...
...ful.
William Sturgeon, welcome to
Eat It or Beat It.
I'm your host, Kip Kipperson,
and you've been chosen from
across the country
to compete on live national TV
in our kitchen octagon!
Well, actually,
it's a rectangle. I mean,
a rectangle has four sides
whereas an octagon has eight--
Now, as I'm sure you already
know, Eat It or Beat It
is a live cooking contest
where two amateur chefs
compete for $10,000
and the answer to that age-old
question, who will...
Eat it or beat it!
Yeah,
that's not really a question.
Whatever, man! It rhymes!
Now, Headmaster.
Your students have nominated
your amazing cupcakes.
So let's see if you can beat...
Oh, no, no, no.
...the headmistress of
the Scrimmage Academy
of Education and Awakening,
Eugenia Scrimmage!
No, no, no, no, no.
William, I confess. I was part
of this delightful ruse.
In fact, I was supposed
to bring you here myself,
but for some reason you
weren't in your office.
At any rate,
I don't normally approve
of competitions, or television,
or gluten-based foods like--
Let's do this, Kip.
Yeah!
Well, well, Sturgeon.
Start your ovens!
Is...
That...
Melvin?
Now, let's get a closer look
at Sturgeon and his students'
raw dedication in action!
O'Neal, more flour.
Walton? Eggs.
Hackenschleimer,
stop eating the butter.
Drimsdale, oven, 350.
Celsius, Fahrenheit or Kelvin,
sir?
O'Neal, oven, 350.
I thought that
was a valid question.
Yes. For our
cruelty-free cupcakes,
we substitute
carrot for chocolate,
rice flour for wheat,
tofu for flavor,
and soy milk for happiness.
Cruelty-free.
I think they got it.
Walton, pans.
O'Neal, paper cups.
This is bedlam! This is crazy!
We got people cooking here,
people cooking there,
and what's gonna come of it?
Who's to say?
Probably something delicious,
I tells ya.
I eat all this stuff for months.
I take this home after the shoot
and I just eat it! Look at me!
I am a product of this cooking!
You know what I'm talking about.
Ah-ha-ha!
Hackenschleimer, what did
I say about eating the butter?
It's delicious?
O'Neal, oven status.
O'Neal. O'Neal!
Hey, Bruno!
What are you doing, man?
We have to go finish
the contest.
Dude,
the contest doesn't matter.
We could win $10,000.
How does that not matter?
Please. Dude, the real money
is in the advertising.
Just like NASCAR. Man, you just
get a bunch of businesses
to give you money to wear their
logos in front of cameras.
So if I wear
your company's logo,
you'll give me how much again?
Wow. Uh, okay.
How many zeroes is that?
So the Eat It or Beat It
contest was--
Was just a way
to get cameras here.
As soon as they
announce the winner,
I step out onto stage wearing
my 20 different logos
for all the world to see.
There's no way the girls
are gonna beat us
at fundraising, then.
And any idea how much money
we're gonna make?
$25,000.
Burton,
how did you know that?
In battle, Walton,
information is everything.
Yes, I know it's expensive,
okay?
But if you want
your logo on national TV,
you're gonna pay the same
as everyone else, Mom.
Yes.
This was my idea.
And I got my own sponsors.
Wait a minute!
That's my mom's logo.
I guess she knows a winner
when she sees one.
You know, boys,
this may well be
the finest bunch
of cupcakes I've ever made.
Walton!
Be careful!
Scrimmage girls!
Defend our honor!
Going out on the weekend
Front line boys left behind
Never show them
Your weakness
Come on,
Let's see some lines
Two, three, four, charge
If you want to prove you can
Really feel something
This is war
Fight with
Your dancing shoes
Ring the bell and get
Hammered across the floor
Jeans get out of the closet
Freedom can't be denied
Serves him right.
He hates vanilla. Ha-ha-ha!
Ladies and gentlemen at home,
I've never seen such savagery
in all my years
of food reporting.
No! No!
No! No! No, my dignity!
My dignity... no...
Get me the listings for all
the Macdonald Hall parents.
All of them.
When we say leadership,
that's not what we mean.
A food fight
on national television?
It's not my fault. I mean,
I was barely involved!
Well, we had a nice chat
with Tom Hartley from York
Academy, and he assures us
that you'll fit in great
when you go there next year.
No. Please. Anything but that.
Uh... Have you seen my website?
Yo, Boots. Man, we have got to
go see The Fish, like pronto.
I don't think it's very--
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. O'Neal.
Good to see you.
I was actually just telling
your son Melvin here
that the headmaster wants
to see us. I'm pretty sure
it is something good.
So ha-ha, A plus.
Our decision is final,
Melvin.
Goodbye, Bruno.
Oh, man.
She totally bought that.
Yo, man.
I have to tell you something.
No, we have no time.
You have to clean up
and I really gotta start
practicing my groveling.
No more fundraising.
That is it.
Sir, with the advertising
money we're over halfway there.
Like, we can't just stop.
If we don't get this pool,
Boots is gone for sure.
By the time you get your pool,
we may not have
any students left.
Apparently Hartley just called
every Macdonald Hall parent,
assuring them that this would
never happen at York Academy.
Oh! Give me...
half an hour
and two dozen cupcakes
and I can make sure this kind of
thing happens at York.
Believe me, sir.
I'm sorry, boys.
I can't risk the
entire school on this.
Pool fund is closed
for the rest of the year.
Look. I know this is
a major disappointment,
but as Macdonald Hall boys,
I expect you
to follow the rules.
So that's it.
Okay? No more fundraising.
No more schemes. Understood?
Understood.
Yeah, understood.
This is not the end.
This is just the beginning.
We need to keep it on the
down-low. We need to be smart.
We need to be organized.
We-- Where's Wilbur?
After Eat It or Beat It,
he went into butter shock.
His parents told him
no more scheming, or else.
Okay, okay.
Well, one man down.
We can handle that.
It's not that big of a deal.
Um, actually,
there's something
I've been meaning
to tell you guys.
I've just been spending so much
time with this project and...
I checked out
my average the other day
and it was an A... minus.
Minus, Bruno!
Minus!
He'll-- He'll be okay.
Uh, Chris?
You know, any ideas?
You're not just gonna
give up too, right?
Bruno, I don't want
to give up.
I am giving up.
Just ruin the show, then.
Just walk away, you know?
Your sponsors should be ashamed.
We're giving you all the money
we earned, aren't we?
That's the least you could do.
You wanna see the most I can do?
Guys! Stop!
This is exactly what got us
here in the first place.
Training tomorrow?
Sure.
No, guys, just wait.
Maybe-- Maybe if I talk
to their parents...
Yeah, parents love me!
Well, yours do, at least.
Bruno, I gotta tell you
something, man.
No. You don't have to say it,
dude. I already know.
You do?
You're worried
I'm giving up on you too.
Dude,
I made a promise to you
and everyone else, okay?
We are getting that pool,
because...
I just came up
with the ultimate idea.
What?
I know you have enough
to worry about with the race
and everything.
So just leave it to me, okay?
I swear I won't let you down.
You're a good friend, Bruno.
No, dude, I'm not good.
I'm the best.
Yeah, man, I'll see you--
See you later?
Yeah.
All right.
Hey! That's ours.
"Property of York Academy."
Doesn't sound like yours.
Actually, we crossed
the Y out with a D, so...
It said "Dork"!
Hey, O'Neal.
Here we are again.
And here's my joke: you suck.
All right!
Let's beat it.
Boots...
What about the team?
Look at the sign.
$5, please.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
Quickly, quickly, quickly,
quickly, quickly. Next!
Your money ready, sir.
I didn't believe it. They told
me, but I didn't believe it.
I know, right?
Dude, I can't believe
we didn't think of this
sooner. It's like...
Okay, look, it's just like you
said. Nobody loves the school
as much as I do, you know?
Not the kids, not the parents
and definitely not the people
driving by every day for free.
Bruno...
you gotta stop this, man.
Guys?
I made $200 in 15 minutes.
But it's illegal!
Guys!
Look. Desperate times call for
desperately flawed schemes.
I'm trying to
save the school, dudes.
Why don't you just trust me?
It's not just about you, Bruno!
Every time you come up with one
of your crazy, wacky schemes,
we're the ones who have to deal
with the consequences,
while you just go ahead
and do something else crazy.
And we've had enough. Enough!
And that...
is the worst Comic Sans font
I've ever seen.
Chris... you talk?!
And you're British?
Guys!
What?
It's The Fish!
Walton!
Scatter, scatter, scatter!
Up too late on Saturday
This is what I want
Then I won't go to work
Then I'm gonna get paid
Hi, girls!
Bye girls! Please help.
Omm...
Excuse me, excuse me.
Beg your pardon, ladies.
Kids, they just want to have
Fun, kids just wanna have fun
Kids, they wanna have fun
Kids just wanna have fun
All right!
Well, they go out
To the rock and roll show
Kids just wanna have fun
So this was the plan when
Sturgeon showed up?
Have him catch us?
I'm just trying the best
I could do on my own, dude.
Walton!
O'Neal.
Kids, they just want to have
Fun, kids just wanna have fun
Kids, they wanna have fun
Kids just wanna have fun
Let's go!
Will you stop at nothing
to make me look foolish?
Of course.
Wanna have fun, kids,
They just want to have fun
I think we caught a fish.
They wanna have fun
Kids just wanna have fun
Sir, you have to believe us.
This is all our fault.
It's actually true,
Officer. The toll road,
the traffic jam...
I caused it.
Your headmaster's the one
that got caught in the trap,
there, boys. So it's up
to Ms. Scrimmage this time.
Oh, no.
Mr. Sturgeon and I
may have had our difference
in the past,
but there's no need
for any charges.
Good.
Free to go, sir.
I'll just take 'em off.
And as for the traps,
ever since our last
incident with the police,
the girls have become
very security conscious.
I can assure you,
Officer, these boys
will be very
severely dealt with.
William, isn't it
how you dealt with it
last time that led
to all of this?
Is there anything else,
Officer?
Uh-uh. Go ahead.
Thank you.
Uh, Mr. Sturgeon?
I just wanted to say,
um, you got a little...
something. And I just wanted to
make sure that, you know,
this won't affect anything
for the pool. You know,
the plans and everything.
Mostly for the future.
The future?
Yeah.
Oh, there's no future.
Not for the pool,
not for the fundraising.
It's all over.
And as for you two,
you'll both see
what your future holds.
Here again
I never thought
It'd be like this again
How could I know it'd be
With you again?
And now we're wasting time
And we're wasting life
As we drive
As we drive
As we drive
We're going to make
French croissants today.
May I use this...
What?
What, Ms. Davis? What?
On my walk over here,
I happened to pass
Bruno and Boots,
soaking wet and exhausted.
Ms. Davis,
this is an administrative
matter.
Please do not concern yourself
with it.
This is not about
the Hall, or some pool,
or even teaching those boys
a lesson anymore.
This is about you
being embarrassed
in front of all those boys
and girls and Ms. Scrimmage.
They broke the rules
and they knew it.
Oh, Willy, come on.
You are punishing those boys
because they care more about the
school than your stupid rules.
That is not
an administrative matter.
That stinks like a fish.
What are you doing?
Does it look like
I'm sleeping?
Because that might give you
a hint.
Nah, dude.
You gotta help me come up with
some more stuff
for this fan site.
Man, I don't have
a website or a fan page,
or whatever. I have a collection
of out-of-focus pictures
with some poorly spelled
motivational quotes.
Dude, these quotes
are awesome. Look.
Look.
"Never forget
where you parked."
What? Come on, man.
Dude, that's good advice.
Besides, man.
If you didn't have me, you
wouldn't even have a fan site.
If it wasn't for you,
I wouldn't be smelling
like garbage and chalk
for the last two weeks.
And, you know,
I never even asked you
to make a fan site.
How am I supposed to sell your
parents if you've just given up?
I have given up, Bruno.
Look, the fan site
hasn't done anything.
The fundraisers, the schemes...
My parents are sending me
to York next year anyway.
Man, it's over.
Wait, what?
Dude...
why didn't you tell me that?
Because you would have just
come up with some crazy new plan
and gotten us into even more
trouble.
Well, shows what you know.
Okay, I didn't know that
and I still came up
with some crazy, insane plan
that got us into a bunch
of trouble.
But you know,
at least I'm trying.
Who cares? We lost!
Like we do against every
swim meet with York.
You know, maybe we should
just accept it.
Maybe winning
really isn't everything.
Do you know who says stuff
like that, Boots? Losers.
Maybe I'd rather be
a loser with friends
than a winner with just you.
Bruno. Yo, wait, man.
I didn't mean that--
No, just, just...
It's not what you did wrong,
okay?
I couldn't be mad
at you or anything
I'm just getting frustrated.
Where are you going?
Just leave me alone!
Oh, my God--
Go get Wilbur.
Thing is, you may not be
entirely responsible for,
you know, the entire
turn of events.
Sometimes it's important to let
an outside party help you see
how you may be using, you know,
your own issues to get in
the way of what's important.
Like your job and,
uh, friendship.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Sir,
are you feeling all right?
I'm trying to say I'm sorry.
Okay?
Headmaster Sturgeon.
Bob Hartley here.
Did I catch you at a bad time?
I won't be a second.
Just heard some rumblings
about your swim team.
Toll road, or some such?
Your concern is very,
very touching, Hartley.
Well, I just wanted to give
you the opportunity
to back out
of next weeks' swim meet.
Ha, ha! I wouldn't want
to cause you any more...
embarrassment.
I want you to listen very,
very carefully
to what I'm about
to say to you, Hartley.
My boys have
never embarrassed me,
or the school, or themselves.
Not once. What they have done
is stood up for Macdonald Hall
with honor, enthusiasm,
and a good spirit
that your boys
would do well to learn.
In fact, the only time
it would embarrass me
is if they didn't
stand up to a bunch
of arrogant,
over-privileged turkeys.
I--
And that's not gonna happen
on my watch.
Goodbye, Hartley!
Shake hands, apologize
and get back to work.
There's a race to win.
Bruno, you know why I didn't
tell you about me going to York?
Sure. You didn't
want me to come up
with some crazy
Bruno scheme, right?
Dude, believe me, I get it.
No, no. It wasn't that.
I didn't want
to tell you because...
because I felt like
I let you down.
You know?
After everything you did for me.
And I'm sorry.
You're a good friend, Boots.
No, I'm not.
I'm the best.
You boys here
to catch round two?
No, of course not.
Why? Should I go
grab some chairs?
Very funny.
It sure is nice to
have the kind of pals
you don't have to be all weird
to and apologize to, eh?
Um...
I'm sorry I brought
so much fun into your lives.
Um...
I'm sorry for not
listening to you guys
and getting you
into all that trouble.
So when do we start
fundraising?
We can't.
The swim meet's next week
and Boots is going to York
unless we help him win.
So let's do it.
Come here, you.
Hey, guys.
You know, you can't have
a proper swim team
without proper
training equipment.
So this friend of yours
went to every school
in the area, picked up all the
scrap equipment she could,
and then needed some help
putting it together.
So how could I say no to someone
so determined, huh?
Thanks...
for sticking with me.
This is sweet.
George! George.
Haven't you been expelled yet?
What were you and Bruno
fighting about anyway?
I'm-- I'm Bruno.
He's Boots.
I don't actually care.
Boots is still going to York
and we still only have
75 grand for our pool.
I-I-I'm sorry. Did you say
you've raised $75,000?
As in seven five?
And we still have
to double it. But like,
how are we supposed to
do that?
And before Boots leaves?
It's impossible.
Bruno,
you don't like me
and frankly, I don't like you.
But there's one thing
we both love.
Animals dressed
in doctor outfits?
No.
Money.
Now what if I told you
I could help double
yours within a week.
Okay...
Follow me.
It's totally brilliant.
It is insanely complicated,
but it might just work.
We can't do it.
Okay, hold up, bro.
I don't think we should do this.
Espe--
Oh. Wait. We can't?
Any plan I come up with
just gets you guys
into a bunch of trouble
and honestly,
I don't really want to do that
to you guys anymore.
That's...
mature... of you.
Are you feeling okay, buddy?
We can do this.
Guys, I told you. I'm done
with coming up with--
This isn't about you,
Bruno.
It's about the Hall.
We got this.
We don't got this. Like, no.
You don't understand
what's going on--
Yo, we got this, man.
Clean yourself.
Yeah, okay.
So you're sure about this York
Academy Gold Club, George?
My friend,
there are rich kids
and then there are rich kids.
Not a scratch.
Bruno, Cathy.
Allow me to introduce you
to Randolph Mortimer
Winthorpe the Seventh.
Or is it the Eighth?
Who can keep track?
George, never got
a chance to congratulate you
on that Lorelai IPO. Good tip.
Thank you, Randolph. I'm sorry
you didn't take my advice.
So is my portfolio.
I'm interested in something
a little more... underground.
Never took you for the
underground sort, George.
Are you sure?
Well, it isn't my money.
It's theirs.
These aren't your porters?
Uh, 40,000 from the students
at Macdonald Hall.
And 35 from the girls
at the Scrimmage Academy.
They want to bet it--
And all of it--
On the swim meet today.
Who let them have money?
Well, I think
it's just adorable.
But we need the cash on hand
before we can place any bets.
It is on its way.
All right,
it's safe to move now.
That was a long morning.
Sorry.
Are you sure about these guys?
I'm sorry,
but no money, no betting.
That's okay. I heard the Gold
Club's not the most exclusive
secret private school
club anyways.
Did you know the girls
at the Havermore College
have a dodo bird exhibit?
Oh, really?
How would you like
to see a live dodo bird?
We gotta go.
Joan,
the last time I went out
for lunch I got hit
by a flying cupcake. I'm just
going to stay right here.
She was supposed
to leave for lunch!
What do we do now?
Is that a rope ladder?
I'll go. You guys stay clear.
Take this for the road.
Tell the world my story.
Go, buddy, go!
Arnold.
You know you don't have to race
if you're having
an asthma attack, right?
I'm fine.
See?
Anyways, it's like you said.
Never, ever give up.
Was that before or after
you totally gave up?
Okay, yeah.
I deserved that one
and what are you doing here?
Independent study. Maybe I'll
put the footage on your website.
Should it go in
the "winningocity" section,
or under "superbulence"?
Ha-ha. You can
put it under the
"sometimes I'm a jerk,
but I'm trying" section.
Thanks for sticking with us.
I already told you.
I know, I know.
It wasn't for me.
It was for the team.
I get it.
Well, maybe it was
a little bit for you.
But like I said,
that's my business.
This is from Picasso's little
known Killer Robots period.
I'm with Bruno! Bruno Walton!
Were you worried?
Not one bit.
I should probably be suspicious
of your burglar outfit,
but I'll just do what all
Winthorpes have done,
historically, and turn
a blind eye for profit.
Give the money here.
Uh, you know what, guys?
We could stick to the plan
and bet all this money, or
we could use it on this
incredibly complicated scheme
I just came up with right now.
I swear it's--
It's actually pretty good.
Right, right, right.
Okay, sorry.
Well, shall we?
Go, go, go!
Go Macdonald!
Towels? Towels? Hey, guys.
Coach Flynn?
Actually, it's...
Assistant Towel
Supervisor Flynn now.
But they're telling me that
I'm gonna be all the way up to
full Towel Supervisor soon.
So...
I made a terrible mistake.
I'll just be...
doing this over here.
This is usually where the
coach says something inspiring,
but considering how
that usually went...
You know, everyone says that
winning isn't everything.
I mean, I used to think that was
just something The Fish
would say to us, because...
well... we never won anything.
Ugh.
Look. But now, I think it means
a race is just a race.
You know? If you win,
it feels good.
Really good.
Really, really good.
Or so they tell me.
And we all know,
if you lose, it feels bad.
For a while.
But what lasts?
What lasts is the friends
you didn't expect to make.
And the things they do for you
that they didn't have to,
even when it was risky.
It's finding out just how much
people believe in you,
even when you didn't
believe in yourself.
So,
I guess the dumb
saying was right.
It really isn't
winning that matters.
It's everything else that
happens along the way.
Oh, and boys...
one more thing.
Swim real fast.
Swimmers,
please take your positions.
Go Boots! Woo!
Come on. Go Boots!
Go Boots! Got it!
Come on!
Turn around.
Come on, go back!
Go back! You got it!
Go Boots! Go Boots!
Swim like a fish! Come on!
Come on!
Yeah, Boots!
Ohh!
Ahh!
Did you see it?
I-I-I don't know who won.
Yes! Fourth place!
Fourth, baby!
Woo-hoo!
After much deliberation,
the three-member judges' panel
unanimously finds
for the winner...
York Academy!
Congratulations.
Thanks, Dad.
Good work, son.
You'll get it at home.
Good race.
Yeah. Woo! Macdonald Hall, baby.
Woo!
We're finished.
Me, Boots, everything. It's--
Bruno.
We lost all our money
and now we're never gonna get
this pool
and the Hall's gonna close
and everyone will blame me
and Chip's right.
We're just a bunch of losers.
Bruno! Look around you.
Whether you got the pool or not,
you made everybody here
a part of something.
You won, Bruno. You won.
What are you doing here?
Uh, moping and feeling
sorry for myself.
I mean, yeah, sure.
I learned something and we won
some sort of moral victory,
but you know, it's kind of
hard to swim in.
Uh-huh.
That's all very fascinating,
but who do I make
the check out to?
What check?
The check for...
let's see here...
$151,000.
What are you
talking about, George?
We... we lost.
Oh, I guess I didn't tell you.
I bet our money against
Macdonald Hall.
What? How could you?
Do you have any
idea how many times
Macdonald Hall has won
a swim race against York?
Zero.
Now, the school
might be used to losing.
I am not.
I bet against us and I won.
Bruno, I was wondering
if you knew where your--
Easy, easy, Bruno! Come on.
It's not his fault.
No, no, no! He did it!
He got us the money
for the pool!
We lost, but sir,
we won.
What are you talking about?
What did you do, Smythe?
Sir, it's not my fault.
It's his!
He did it too.
It wasn't just George, sir.
It was all of us.
Chris, Wilbur, Elmer,
and the Scrimmage girls.
They helped too.
We-- We did it together.
Because... well...
I guess people do love this
school as much as I do.
So you're saying
whatever you did,
you all did this together.
Hmm?
Yeah. Exactly.
That is absolutely...
remarkable.
Well done.
Buddy! We heard
about the race.
Yeah. You know,
I'm okay. I'm fine.
You're more than okay.
You're wonderful!
But I lost.
Yes,
but we watched the speech that
you gave to your teammates.
You did? How?
Well, that friend
of yours, Bruno,
has been harassing us
to see some website
for a few weeks now.
We finally did
and your speech was there.
Buddy, you know how we were
talking about leadership?
You know, what you said to
those boys, that was it!
So maybe we were a little
hasty about York Academy.
You mean I--
Yo! Boots, dude!
We got the pool!
We got the pool!
We just need to convince your
folks, but I have a plan.
We need three car batteries,
ah, four car batteries,
two ducks, paper clips--
Hey, hey, hey!
My mom wants to talk to you.
You win, Bruno.
Melvin can stay.
Awesome!
Uh, who's Melvin?
Bruno, it's me!
I can stay!
Dude, I told you!
Your parents love me.
So Boots can stay?
Everyone-- Everyone can stay.
Oh, my God!
Let's tighten up, guys.
All right, hold on.
Before the opening ceremonies
this afternoon,
I want to say a few words.
Uh... it's been quite a year.
Quite a journey.
But as a wise man once said,
"A journey is best measured not
in miles, but in friends."
We are standing in
this pool today because
of two such friends,
whose love for this school has
been an inspiration to us all.
So thank you to everyone,
but thank you especially
to Bruno and Boots
for unselfishly providing
generations of Macdonald Hall
and Scrimmage Academy
students the privilege
of sharing the--
Oh, dear.
The Cathy Burton Wexford Estate
Macdonald Hall
Sturgeon Memorial By-Centennial
Aquatic Facility and
Pooladium Esquire.
Congrats, guys.
Well done.
Okay, picture.
What's this for?
Oh, it's like...
Well, to say thanks for
putting my name on the pool.
Oh, also, fair's fair.
You never got the honor
of the first swim, Bruno.
I don't even know how to swim.
Oh.
Whoa!
Are you serious?
What are you waiting for?
Go jump in the pool!
Oh, no, no.
No, no.
So that's Macdonald Hall.
Best school in the country.
Best headmaster,
best students, best pool...
best friends.
Sorry. I completely looked
at the camera for that shot.
We're gonna have to--
Who? You looked at who?
Cal!
I looked. I'm sorry!
We've been best friends
since the "sirst"--
Blech. Blech.
Summer nights when
The stars are out
Reminds me of you
And my hometown
I remember how it used to be
Not a care in the world
Never felt so free
But tonight here we are again
In the backyard now
With all my friends
I lean back, put my hands in
The sky, let's do it all again
And I'm like na, na, na
Never want this night to end
I'm singin'
Na, na, na
Never want this night to end
Here's to the
Good times we've had
Makin' memories
To the heartbreaks
We've shared
You were there for me
Don't wanna say goodbye
This is the time of my life
To the good times,
Good times
I won't forget this night
Oh, whoa
Oh, whoa
Oh, uh
Ain't nowhere else
That I'd rather be
Than right here with you
Right next to me
I don't know what the future
Holds, five years from now
Will I still be broke?
Let's walk down
To the riverside
Chill out in the grass,
Watch a new sunrise
Lean back, put my hands
In the sky, let's do it
All again
And I'm like na, na, na
Never want this night
To end
Here's to the good times
We've had
Makin' memories
To the heartbreaks
We've shared
You were there for me
Don't wanna say goodbye
This is the time of my life
To the good times, good times
I won't forget this night
Na, na, na
Never want this night to end
I'm singin' na, na, na
Never want this night
To end
Don't wanna say goodbye
This is the time of my life
To the good times, good times
I won't forget this night
Founded in 1892.
Over 100 years of tradition,
academic excellence and
preparing boys for leadership.
At least, that's what
it says in the brochure.
That's Bruno Walton.
He almost broke his arm
to get out of a test.
He broke the wrong arm and
still had to write the test,
but, you know. Some people
call him crazy,
I call him my best friend.
Me!
That other guy?
The one who knew that
that branch
couldn't hold both of us?
That's me. Melvin O'Neal.
But nobody calls me that.
Let's go.
Okay!
And for the next four years,
providing we don't get
expelled,
or worse...
we call this place home.
You can call it Macdonald Hall.
You're all I know
We're discussing everything
In 100 years, not much
has changed at the Hall.
There may be richer schools,
more athletic schools,
more smart-- Smarter schools...
but you know,
that's the way we like it.
There's no better school
than Macdonald Hall.
It has practically everything.
Said oh, whoa
Let's go!
Oh, whoa
Here we go
You're on your own
Lovers come
And they will go
Your shadows
Will seem to grow
I've known beasts
And wild things
I can't control
But what I guess
Is simplicity
Being on your own
Let's go! Come on!
To be alone?
Come on!
Now, you might be wondering
why there aren't any girls her.
That's because
they're across the road,
at the Scrimmage Academy
for Education and Awakening,
where they do...
You know, I'm not really
sure what they do.
But that's the fun stuff.
There's also the not-fun stuff.
And the king of all not-fun
stuff is... The Fish.
No one knows who gave him
the nickname,
but he never blinks,
never breathes,
he once ate a worm, though he
doesn't actually know that,
and his name's
William Sturgeon,
which is apparently
some sort of fish.
Come on, we got classes to get
to and Christmas break to plan.
Okay, Elmer. On three.
Okay? One, two, three!
Whoa!
All right, buddy. Phase two!
Let's do it!
Tradition, exploding banners,
a pair of irresistible
troublemakers...
Macdonald Hall has everything.
Well, okay. Almost everything.
Go Macdonald!
Go Macdonald.
Get out there!
Speed. Determination.
Endurance.
That's what you're up against.
So just try and remember
the most important thing:
swim real fast.
Oh, and don't try
and splash too much.
It'll distract O'Neal.
Let's be honest,
he's pretty much
all we got. So...
Swimmers, take your positions.
Holy mother of pearl!
York! Go York!
Easy, partner.
Macdonald who?
Let's go, guys! Hey, when
I say Macdonald, you say?
Hall.
All right,
when I say Macdonald, you say?
Shut up!
Guys, come on.
Show some Hall spirit.
Are we gonna beat
those York turkeys?
According to previous matches,
the odds are 3789 to 1.
Give or take.
Elmer, what good does your math
do if it just subtracts hope?
Chris, how's the victory
poster coming along?
Chris...
Wait!
Don't let them start!
I can't believe it.
I'm so excited!
That is the spirit
I'm talking about--
Pizzaroo Pouches.
The York caf has them!
Sorry... had Pizzaroo Pouches.
Had.
I say Pizzaroo, you say?
Pouches!
Pizzaroo.
Pouches!
Knock it off, Burton.
Sorry, Walton.
The only way Scrimmage
would let us come
was to make it an
independent study.
We're going with "Inside a
Losing Streak. The Mental Toll."
Hey! We can always win.
You guys just gotta have faith.
Oh, goodness.
Swimmers, please
take your positions.
Go York!
Go buddy!
Have a good race, Chip.
Have a bad race, Boots.
Go York!
Three, two, one, go!
No! No! I don't
want to do it anymore.
I changed my mind!
Come on! Come on!
Get in there!
Go Boots! Go Boots!
A little more, Boots!
No!
Yeah, get in there!
Go Boots, go Boots! Come on!
Go Boots!
Come on, O'Neal!
Yeah! Yeah, man!
Thank you very much.
Congratulations.
You deserve this.
You made the school very proud.
York's the best!
Okay, boys.
See you on the bus.
They may be turkeys,
but those York boys
have the webbed feet of a duck.
Yeah, what do you expect?
They have their own pool.
Our team gets two hours a month
at the community center.
And most of that time is spent
trying to figure out who
stole their clothes.
Good race, Chip.
No way, dude. Wouldn't want
to catch any "loseritis."
Hey! What was that?
Bruno... I know that look.
I don't like that look. Please.
We just got over our detentions
for Operation Banner Blast.
Guys.
Would I ever do anything
that was rash and dangerous
if it wasn't also
awesome and dangerous?
Yes. Constantly.
Thinking what I'm thinking?
Maybe.
But I don't know
where we can find
23 glow sticks and a panda
for him, right now.
Nice freestyling, but, uh...
Thank you.
I'm kinda thinking
Operation Fizzle Fix.
I'm one step ahead of you.
Well, here we go again.
All right, listen up, boys.
Look, maybe we didn't win today.
No, we definitely lost.
But winning is not everything.
Let's remember what's
important in life.
Pizzaroo Pouches?
No, Hackenschleimer.
So then I said,
"no way, dude!
Wouldn't want to
catch any 'loseritis'"!
Oh, it doesn't get
any better than that!
Well, that should take care
of any "loseritis."
Yeah, we should run.
We should run. We should run.
Losing is something of
a tradition at Macdonald Hall.
You know, some of
our top swimmers
have gone on to lose
at the Olympics.
Well, settle down,
It's not over yet
Well, turn around, there are
Things you mustn't forget
I'm coming for you!
Coming!
Losers!
Sir, you know, we're all very
eager to resume our studies,
so maybe we should
drive away as fast as possible.
Quite right.
Everybody on the bus?
Whoop!
Mr. Walton. Ms. Burton.
Nice of you to join us.
Oh, no sweat,
Headmaster Sturgeon.
Don't mind me.
You can just drop me off
at Scrimmage's.
Can we?
Oh, how lucky for us.
Did you have a good time
at the swim meet today?
Are you kidding me, sir?
Today has been...
fizz-tastic.
Right, boys? Right?
At least some of them
are taking it well.
Swimming is so stupid.
They did what?!
Yes, 20 liters of Fizz-All
dumped in the pool.
Stolen from our infirmary.
Bad sportsmanship, William.
Really, Hartley?
As bad as your boys
knocking our swim team
captain into the pool?
Nevertheless, I do hope
there'll be some consequences
before our next swim meet. The
stress is killing my stomach.
I don't mind telling you.
I'll handle my boys, Hartley,
and as for your stomach...
why don't you have
a sip of your pool?
Hmm?
Oh, you hung up.
I guess I'm going to get
the last word.
Word!
Headmaster Sturgeon.
Mr. Sturgeon?
This is Eugenia Scrimmage,
from across the road.
Bob Hartley
from the York Boys' Academy
tells me that
one of my young women
was involved
in an aggressive activity
intended to cause distress
and/or offence to others.
You mean a prank?
Well, what you call a prank
I call a desperate cry for help
for students who have
no outlet for creativity
and emotional growth.
"Prank" is shorter.
I'm inviting my students
to form a sharing circle
to discuss their feelings that
led to these "pranks."
Your boys are welcome.
Ms. Scrimmage,
the only thing my boys need
to share is an understanding
of what happens
when they break the rules.
My rules. But...
thank you for your concern.
Hello?
Hello?
Ms. Davis?
Bruno and Boots?
If you please.
Yep.
That's a non-regulation
shirt, Spencer. Two demerits.
Bruno and Boots
to the headmaster's office.
Thank you.
Pierce! Running in the halls.
Three demerits. And you,
with the non-regulation
eraser up your nose.
One demerit.
Walton. You and your
roommate must report to--
What was that?
What's what, George
Wexford-Smythe III?
That's George
Wexford-Smythe the Third.
I'm not a movie sequel.
Really? Because I heard
every one of you
is worse than the last.
Yeah.
That's a pathetic excuse
for a punchline. Five demerits.
Oh, yeah, keep laughing.
Because clearly you're
not in enough trouble.
All right.
Got my eye on you, Bruno!
I see everything!
But, guys,
all my friends are here!
I have great classes.
I'm trying my best!
It's-- It's everything.
You can't take that away.
We can talk about it later.
Hon, we gotta go.
Race starts in 20 minutes.
We know you can do great
things, Melvin.
There's a leader in you.
We just want to see it.
Love you!
I couldn't agree more.
Hello, Bruno.
Hi.
Goodbye, Bruno.
Oh. See ya.
Dude, you're not still bummed
about that race, right?
No! Look, it's not that.
No, look. It's all cool, man.
Don't worry about it.
Are you sure, man?
Yeah.
Okay, good.
'Cause the, uh,
Fish wants to see us
in his office. Pronto.
Great.
But, you know,
I've got a feeling that he's
gonna be in a good mood today.
...not to mention extremely
poor sportsmanship.
Surely Macdonald Hall boys know
how to lose graciously.
Losing graciously is about
all we know how to do.
I take full responsibility
for this, sir. It's just,
when they pushed Boots in the
pool and everything, I just...
I don't know, I guess
I just kind of lost control.
Oh, the pranks seemed very
well-controlled, Walton.
Okay, first, you know,
thank you. And--
Not a compliment.
Thank you.
Sir,
have I ever done anything
that wasn't 100 percent
deserved?
Need I remind you of the
Moldovan flag incident?
Oh! No, you, uh, you don't
need to remind us of that.
The court case
is actually still pending.
The unfortunate incident
regarding the penguin
and federal authorities?
That penguin
knew exactly what
he was getting into. We've--
The green wiener incident?
Well, actually, sir,
in our defense,
it was St. Patrick's Day.
Not that green wiener incident.
Oh.
Oh.
Look. Regardless of who
deserves what, the question now
is who deserves to clean up
the mess at York Academy.
Elmer Drimsdale
said that in five days
the pool will
be as good as new.
Actually, with the Fizz-All
purifying the water,
probably better than new.
Yeah.
So, I mean, in a way, York
kind of owes us a thank-you.
Quit while
you're ahead, O'Neal.
Yes, sir.
If Elmer is right,
and lucky for you,
he usually is,
punishment will be light.
One week confined to
your rooms after dinner.
Out.
Uh, sir, if I do an extra week
of punishment now, does that
come off any future punishments?
It's a good question.
Boys...
One moment. Sit down again.
Since you both
came to Macdonald Hall,
you've expended not an
inconsiderable amount of energy
on things that explode, fizz,
rumble, shatter, squish...
Squish?
Operation Pudding Pants.
Oh.
Think about what good
could happen if you put all
of that energy into something
that would last. You're not
going to be here forever.
Actually, sir,
I'm working on that one.
I probably won't even
be here next year.
What?
My parents want to pull me out
of Macdonald Hall.
Uh...
Could-- Could--
Could you give us a minute?
This is my office.
I was gonna say...
Yeah, but why, Boots?
You know my mom.
She was on
the Olympic gym squad.
Can I have your autograph?
And my dad still coaches
basketball. They're jocks.
I'm a jock!
Thanks, man. See ya.
They just think I belong at
a school that's better for...
jocks.
Yeah, but dude,
we've been best pals
since the first day.
Do you remember our first day?
Yeah. How could I forget?
I said I want too much
One second!
Woo!
Oh, uh,
don't worry. My side of the room
is just as bad as yours.
Hey. Uh...
Sup?
I'm Melvin.
We're gonna have
to change that. Okay, Melvin.
I am gonna call you...
uh... pants.
Pants?
Ah, we'll work on it.
Come on in, man. How you doing?
Did you see a fire extinguisher
on the way in? Neither did I.
And that is when I knew that
we'd be best pals forever.
How you literally
blew up our room
and then gave me
a nickname they hate
probably won't
convince my folks.
Why do they need
convincing, dude?
You've already got the greatest
friend in the world,
and you go to the number one
school in the country.
Okay,
number one at attendance.
But do your folks
know that?
Look, I know that
and you know that.
But if my folks don't care,
what can I do about it?
Tell you what
you can do about it.
Just... I'll put the word out,
okay? Midnight meeting.
Sound good?
All right, let's do it.
See you, man.
See you.
Password?
It's us, Elmer.
Bruno says we need a password.
No exceptions.
I think it's "open the door,
or we'll open it for you."
With your head.
All lower case.
All one word.
Ah!
Now I don't
want to blow things
out of proportion or anything,
but this could be
the darkest hour
in Macdonald Hall history.
Ever.
Got your message. What's up?
Oh, nothing major.
Doom, gloom and life
as we know it. Hot chocolate?
Could you be a little bit more
specific? If we get caught here,
Scrimmage has us in self-esteem
building exercises for a month.
Boots might get kicked out
of the Hall next year.
And obviously,
that can't happen.
Macdonald Hall without
Bruno and Boots is like...
like the North Pole without
Santa and Mrs. Claus.
I'm Santa.
Okay?
But we are here to make sure
that that doesn't happen, right?
Indubitably.
I couldn't have said, mumbled
or drawn it better myself!
Uh, all right, everyone.
Show us what you got.
Best idea wins, but there
are no wrong answers.
So with glasses and
a moustache, Boots will be
unrecognizable to his parents
when they come to get him.
Meaning he can stay. Forever!
I'm Boots. Yeah. Hoo hoo!
Can't find me. Uh, huh.
"And after a few
"termite generations,
Boots's new school will be
"a pile of sawdust.
You can't be sent to a school
that doesn't exist."
I think this could work.
Yeah...
So once we cross the equator,
the Earth's gravitational pull
should allow us to slingshot
through the Earth's atmosphere.
And the llamas, Elmer?
I'm getting to the llamas!
Anyways. Once we reverse
the polarity of the neutron
flow, we should generate one...
Oh... okay. okay.
Okay, show of hands.
Does anybody have an idea
that doesn't involve
breaking the law?
Or destroying another school.
Or llamas.
Okay, um, remember when I said
there are no bad ideas? Yeah--
Your problem
isn't Boots leaving.
Your problem is convincing
his folks to let him stay.
So what makes
a York better than the Hall?
Nothing.
Yeah.
Except for Pizzaroo Pouches.
And their pool.
I kinda wish we had that.
Wilbur! That's it!
We're gonna get
Pizzaroo Pouches?!
No, we steal
York's pool! Right?
The question, okay?
How do we convince Boots'
jock parents to let him stay
at the Hall? The answer:
by giving him
everything a jock needs,
including his own pool.
Chris, dude,
you're an inspiration
to artists everywhere.
All right, Elmer,
what's the cost?
Materials, labor,
insurance, water costs...
150,000.
Dollars?!
Boys, how are we supposed to
make that kind of money?
It's easy.
Okay, Wilbur, take this down.
Needed: $150,000.
Okay, well, now all
we need is a plan.
Oh, well, yeah. When you put it
like that, basically half done.
That's the spirit.
Now, Boots. What would
make your parents
almost as happy
as us getting a pool?
Oh, you mean besides me
getting a new roommate?
By you winning the next
York Academy-Macdonald Hall
swim meet.
Oh, perfect, okay.
Quick question:
how am I supposed to do the
thing that nobody's been able
to do in the last... oh, what
is it? I don't know... ever?
Dude, because you're awesome.
And you know how I know that?
Because I am awesome.
And awesome sticks to awesome
to make even awesomer to...
Plus, if you don't,
by this time next year you're
going to be sharing some dorm
with a meathead named Crusher
who probably smells
like sweat socks and cheese,
so...
balanced?
How do you get me
every time, man?
I am just that good.
Okay, next.
Read me that checklist.
Needed: $150,000.
Why would my family
just give you $150,000?
Uh, because I said please?
No, you didn't.
Right. Well...
how about because your family
is one of the richest
in the country?
Do you think they
got that wealthy by
giving out money to stupid
things like swimming pools?
Didn't your dad buy Iceland?
No! Just rented it.
And only for Mother's Day.
You wanna make
a lot of money, Bruno?
Here's my advice.
Take everything you own
and sell it.
With the 20 bucks you get,
go downtown and
buy yourself a clue.
That's it!
George!
Oh, no! Do not touch me.
You're a genius.
Naiman! You press that tie.
Three demerits.
Yeah.
So that's it? We're just done,
there's no more team anymore?
Boys? What's up?
"Dear boys.
"I always said having fun
mattered more than winning.
"Well, I've had so much
fun with you guys
"that I've decided to try
winning on for size.
"I have accepted
a position at York Academy.
Yours, Coach Flynn."
Are you serious?
I guess we should just go.
Hey, come on, boys.
Where are you going?
We have no coach.
What else are we gonna do?
Guys. If I don't win
this next swim meet,
I'm gonna be stuck with Crusher.
And I hate cheese.
What?
We wanna win our next
swim meet, right?
I was kind of hoping
to learn how to swim first.
We'll work on that. You know,
uh, I'll be the coach.
Okay? I'll run the training.
We'll win.
Who's with me?
I like the sound of that!
By yelling,
he makes it sound possible.
Let's do this!
Yeah!
Rummage sale, boys!
With all the stuff we have,
we're gonna make this money
in no time, okay?
But everything must go!
Okay, okay, okay,
let's see what you got.
So okay,
hockey cards are nice--
Ooh-- But, see, hockey
equipment is nicer, right?
Think big!
Okay, see, you don't
need this lamp, dude.
Just sell it, right? Got that?
Doesn't that belong
to the school?
Well, yeah, but the money we
raise is for the school. Right?
True.
Right.
Now, who has a spare kidney?
Bruno! Bruno!
All right. So I got my Junior
Genius Science Set,
my old protractors-- Whoa.
New protractor.
Great, Elmer.
Now, do you have anything people
might actually want?
Yes, if they don't mind
pre-owned orthodontia.
Burton!
Walton.
What's this I hear
about a rummage sale?
Oh, everything must go.
Do you want in?
Well, what's in it for us?
Uh... glory,
our deepest thanks,
um, a used retainer.
Goodbye, Walton.
And-- And...
free access to the pool
for all the Scrimmage girls.
At any time.
We need everything
by next weekend.
Does that give
you enough time?
No problem.
We're in independent learning.
"Traps Through the Ages."
My idea.
Geeze.
Do you guys ever do
any actual schoolwork?
Scrimmage believes
in learning through living.
I'm dancing my geometry
test next week.
Jealous?
Totally.
Later, Burton.
Elmer?
Do you still have that ant farm
from Operation, uh...
Ant Blaster?
Only 17 unaccounted for.
Good. Here's what
I'm thinking.
Ants. Why pay
to have them removed
when you can just pay
to have them as your pets?
I'll get some jars.
I see you've tidied.
How's the swim team?
Ugh, don't ask.
Hey, is The Fish gonna be okay
with all this--?
Is that a bag of doorknobs?
What are you--?
It is a bag of victory.
Never mind that.
Check this out.
It's the official website
of the Boots O'Neal fan club.
Chris designed it
and of course, I wrote it.
It's pretty awesome, huh?
Yeah, pretty ridiculous.
Who's that even for?
Uh, well, fans.
Future stalkers...
Oh, and I don't know,
maybe a certain set of parents
who need to be reminded
of how awesome their son is?
They're jocks. Not idiots.
There's no way they're going
to believe I said all this.
Why not? You wouldn't say
anything that isn't true.
Yeah, but I'm not
writing it. You are.
Yeah, I'm your best friend.
Who knows better
what you would say?
Yeah, but...
You really are something, man.
Glad you noticed.
How many n's in "winningocity"?
Winn-ing... Three?
By McKinsey's beard...
That is right, folks,
everything must go!
Where did that--
You don't like the offer?
We will give you a completely
different offer.
Everything must go.
And no jar of ants
would be complete
without our
trusty how-to guides.
And if you lose your ants,
we've got that covered too.
All right.
Bidding starts at $15.
Okay, $10.
Okay, five bucks, guys.
We're getting desperate here.
Twenty bucks or best offer!
Look at you!
Shakespeare's typewriter?
One of a kind.
People, I still
see stuff on tables.
I still see tables.
You want one?
Take it. Give us an offer
and we'll make you a deal.
Everything must go--
Down here. Right now.
This instant.
I'll handle this.
Mr. Sturgeon.
Great to see you.
Thank you for coming.
Do you know how much money
we've made for the pool?
What? What are you talking
about? What money, what pool?
Who gave you permission
to do this?
Mr. Sturgeon, let's be honest.
If I asked you for permission
to hold this rummage sale
on school property,
wouldn't you have said no?
Absolutely.
See? So obviously I made the
right choice not to tell you.
Well, well, Sturgeon.
Quite the scene.
Well, if it isn't
Headmaster Hartley
of York Boys' Academy.
Having a nice time, Bob?
Well, I just picked up
Sherlock Holmes'
copper umbrella stand
for $10,
so that's something.
Mm-hmm. Well, you know,
that probably didn't belong
to Sherlock Holmes.
Oh? And how would you know?
Well, for one thing, Sherlock
Holmes wasn't a real person.
Then explain
the umbrella stand.
Anyways, I'm surprised
that you would
go for something like this.
After all, a rummage sale
is so...
Awesome? Sir, I totally agree.
But do you know what would be
even more awesome?
Macdonald Hall Sturgeon Memorial
Aquatic Facility and Pool-adium.
Pooladium.
You listen to me
very carefully.
Number one, I'm not dead yet.
Number two, I--
Wait, wait.
Do you find something really
funny about this, Hartley?
So this is all for a pool?
Yeah!
Oh. And how many rummage sales
do you think that will take?
That's actually a very good
question, sir. We've done
the math, with Elmer,
and he said,
you know, if we have one every
other day, maybe every day
in June--
Ohh.
You know what, Hartley?
I'd worry less about how
we're going to get our pool
and more about how
you're going to deal with us
at the next swim meet.
Oh, I look forward to it,
Sturgeon.
Gentlemen, gentlemen. This is
a friendly rummage sale.
You know, sir, there are some
very nice CDs over there
and you know, there's
a weightlifting set here
that you can't afford not
to buy, sir. It's quite nice.
If you like that stand,
here's another deal...
It is killer.
I don't know how I'm
going to, like, carry it.
A genuine hand-built
medieval rodent catcher,
ladies and gentlemen.
But that's not all.
It also makes
an excellent juicer.
So, uh, you made this, huh?
I don't suppose
you could, uh, maybe
make us a pool
for us to train in, huh?
Yeah.
But, um, maybe
I can help with some
training equipment.
Really?
I might have some ideas.
That would be great. Uh...
You know, I guess it would have
to be on dry land, though,
'cause you can't put
training wheels on water.
I'll catch you around.
William. Do you know what
I see when I look at all this?
Chaos?
Inspiration.
Do you know that your boys
and my girls planned this
all by themselves?
No fear, no worries--
No parking, no oversight,
inadequate toilet facilities...
Oh, you. Really. What's the
worst that could happen?
Let's wait and see, shall we?
There's no need,
I already did.
And it's remarkable.
Fifty, 60, 70.
Doing the rat catchers and all
the other stuff we brought in,
tell me if we didn't bring in
the most money so far.
Yeah. You know,
not bad, but, um...
not the best. Tell you what.
The top fundraiser
at the end of this
gets bragging rights.
And the first swim in the pool.
Plus their name on it.
The Cathy Burton Macdonald Hall
Sturgeon Memorial
Aquatic Facility and Pooladium.
Has a nice ring to it,
don't you think?
Game on.
$2718.19.
Oh, yeah!
Wilbur, with all those fire
extinguishers that you sold,
man, you put us,
like, way over the top.
Yeah, but Chris's signs
told everybody where to go.
And after today, we have...
3.30125 percent
of the required funds.
And that's less
than what we need?
So what? That's like, what...
...30 more rummage sales?
No problem, guys!
What do you think, Boots?
Guys.
This is not good.
And if they try
to take her girls,
remember: no mercy, no quarter!
Save our Scrimmage!
Save our Scrimmage!
Save our Scrimmage!
What is the meaning
of this nonsense?
Oh, hey, Headmaster Sturgeon.
Nice to see you.
Sorry to disturb,
but our beloved leader
has been falsely accused!
Save our Scrimmage!
Save our Scrimmage!
Backup, Joe.
These kittens have claws,
but they-- Ah! No!
Yes, girls. Yes! Yes! Yes!
Send backup immediately.
Full riot gear.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
And Bruno's fault.
Yeah, well, I'm not sure,
but... probably.
Officers,
what could the charges
against Ms. Scrimmage
possibly be?
Armed robbery, for one.
Armed robbery?!
Yep. Someone held up
the Fast Mart.
With this.
That could belong to anyone.
"Property of Eugenia
Scrimmage."
William.
Tell them it wasn't me.
Officers, just curious.
If she were to be arrested,
how long would
she be away for, exactly?
I can hear you!
Yes. Goodbye.
Uh... Burton.
An actual dinosaur
backscratcher.
But that's not all.
Buy this now
and we'll throw in
those bags you got there.
Oh, yeah, we donated that.
Maybe that should have
tipped us off,
when he left without paying.
Really? That's what would
have tipped you off?
Officers,
I should also say
that I had the privilege
of Ms. Scrimmage's company
for the entire afternoon,
so she couldn't possibly be
your robber.
Okay. She can go.
Thanks, Headmaster.
Well done.
Well, all is well,
blah, blah,
blah, blah. Let's go to bed.
Yeah.
Not so fast, boys.
You know, a rummage sale usually
implies the sale of items
belonging to the seller. Hmm?
That would not include every
brass doorknob in the school,
the gym program's weight set,
or my chair!
Yeah, sir, but every penny we
make is going towards the pool.
We're saving the Hall.
Walton, you can't save the
school by selling the school.
Okay, yeah, but that's--
Okay, now you see, that--
Ah, actually,
that's a really good point.
Mr. Sturgeon, maybe
we went a bit too far.
But we were just trying to
follow your advice.
Make something that lasts?
This pool will last.
And we're just getting
started. See this?
Boys, I am still headmaster
of this institution, correct?
When there's a meeting,
I chair them.
When there's an exam,
I examine them.
When the grass is cut, I...
I don't normally cut the grass,
but those are the rules.
Now I know you had good
intentions, but I'd like
to point out a great deal of
harm can be caused
by people with good intentions.
Gotcha.
But, um...
can we keep fundraising?
You will tell me about
everything, okay?
I will keep the money safe here.
But for now...
yes.
Thank you, sir.
We're going to make this happen
and you will see. And you know,
we're practically there.
2800 bucks.
So... we're just gonna
steal their stuff?
It's not stealing. York buys
all-new equipment every year.
It's literally garbage.
Oh. Well, when you
put it like that...
I kind of feel
even worse about it.
I don't have to
help you with this.
I'm a Scrimmage girl,
you're a Hall boy.
We're from two different worlds.
Different universes.
We're across the road.
It's a wide road.
Okay, so...
why are you helping me, then?
That's my business.
Your business
is making up your mind.
Are you in or out?
All right.
So she's like, "Wow, Chip.
It's like you have
a double six pack."
And I'm like,
"Yeah. It's a ten pack."
Well, well, well. Come to see
what a real winner looks like,
swimmer boy?
Oh, yeah, Chip.
You know, I can't
imagine how you do it.
Well, we're mostly
on a protein diet. Eggs,
fish, lean steak, lots of
vitamin C, D and E.
Oh, and the secret ingredient:
Pilates.
Hey!
Shut up.
What are you doing here?
Oh, just, uh...
admiring your garbage, Chip.
So, um, about
the Pilates. You know,
I'm not really sure if it's
right for me. You know,
I always go back and forth...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a solid routine.
You know, I could show you
a really good one.
Yeah.
Or not.
You know, it feels like you
guys are up to something.
Up to something? Come on.
No.
Something I should probably
make a really mean joke about.
You know, so I'm gonna
go figure that out
and the next time
I see you, be ready.
Bye, Boots.
Hey, Chip!
Next time I see you,
you won't be making any jokes.
All right,
let's get the stuff.
No single thought
Or double thinking
No triple checks on moves
Or what they're feeling
This is their stage,
An ode to their last days
Crying out to the world
The quiet has
Now been heard
Oh, and some days
I feel the same way
But I can hardly
Feel the beat
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
You're kicking it up,
You're kicking up a scene
You're playing a song,
You play it on repeat
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
You're kicking it up,
You're kicking up a scene
You're playing a song,
You play it on repeat
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
And I can hardly
Feel the beat
You're doing it right
You do it right for me
You're kicking it up,
You're kicking up a scene
You're playing a song,
You play it on repeat
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
You're doing it right,
You do it right for me
Which means we are 1/3
of the way there.
But school
is already half over.
Thank goodness.
What was that?
That you-- That you boys have
accomplished so much.
I think you've made
more than anybody
in Macdonald Hall history.
Well, not including prohibition.
Well, say it's not enough.
See, we've done
online contests--
Thank you--
Lottery draws, and actually,
I'm meeting with a Nigerian
prince next week.
We could do, like,
I don't know, a talent show?
That'd only work
if we had talent.
Eating contest?
Chris could do caricatures!
Oh, that's good.
Have you seen the one
he did of you, Mr. Sturgeon?
Actually, it's right here.
Right?
That does not look
anything like my...
car.
We need something big,
you know? Bold.
Beyond just the school,
you know?
Something like, um...
something like this cupcake.
Ms. Davis,
could you perhaps make about
$1000 worth of these cupcakes?
They look amazing.
Actually, Willy made those.
He bakes to relieve the stress.
You bake?
You bake cupcakes.
Your name's Willy?
It's William, okay?
That's all for today.
Thanks very much, Ms. Davis.
Thank you.
Well, uh, you know, anyways,
Willy. What are you
so stressed about?
Oh, I can't imagine.
In any case, I already have
a job to do, so thank you.
Headmaster Sturgeon,
Ms. Scrimmage is here
to see you.
She wants to show you something.
Headmaster Sturgeon?
Hello?
Willy? What are you doing?
Willy?
Quiet and peaceful.
Too peace...
...ful.
William Sturgeon, welcome to
Eat It or Beat It.
I'm your host, Kip Kipperson,
and you've been chosen from
across the country
to compete on live national TV
in our kitchen octagon!
Well, actually,
it's a rectangle. I mean,
a rectangle has four sides
whereas an octagon has eight--
Now, as I'm sure you already
know, Eat It or Beat It
is a live cooking contest
where two amateur chefs
compete for $10,000
and the answer to that age-old
question, who will...
Eat it or beat it!
Yeah,
that's not really a question.
Whatever, man! It rhymes!
Now, Headmaster.
Your students have nominated
your amazing cupcakes.
So let's see if you can beat...
Oh, no, no, no.
...the headmistress of
the Scrimmage Academy
of Education and Awakening,
Eugenia Scrimmage!
No, no, no, no, no.
William, I confess. I was part
of this delightful ruse.
In fact, I was supposed
to bring you here myself,
but for some reason you
weren't in your office.
At any rate,
I don't normally approve
of competitions, or television,
or gluten-based foods like--
Let's do this, Kip.
Yeah!
Well, well, Sturgeon.
Start your ovens!
Is...
That...
Melvin?
Now, let's get a closer look
at Sturgeon and his students'
raw dedication in action!
O'Neal, more flour.
Walton? Eggs.
Hackenschleimer,
stop eating the butter.
Drimsdale, oven, 350.
Celsius, Fahrenheit or Kelvin,
sir?
O'Neal, oven, 350.
I thought that
was a valid question.
Yes. For our
cruelty-free cupcakes,
we substitute
carrot for chocolate,
rice flour for wheat,
tofu for flavor,
and soy milk for happiness.
Cruelty-free.
I think they got it.
Walton, pans.
O'Neal, paper cups.
This is bedlam! This is crazy!
We got people cooking here,
people cooking there,
and what's gonna come of it?
Who's to say?
Probably something delicious,
I tells ya.
I eat all this stuff for months.
I take this home after the shoot
and I just eat it! Look at me!
I am a product of this cooking!
You know what I'm talking about.
Ah-ha-ha!
Hackenschleimer, what did
I say about eating the butter?
It's delicious?
O'Neal, oven status.
O'Neal. O'Neal!
Hey, Bruno!
What are you doing, man?
We have to go finish
the contest.
Dude,
the contest doesn't matter.
We could win $10,000.
How does that not matter?
Please. Dude, the real money
is in the advertising.
Just like NASCAR. Man, you just
get a bunch of businesses
to give you money to wear their
logos in front of cameras.
So if I wear
your company's logo,
you'll give me how much again?
Wow. Uh, okay.
How many zeroes is that?
So the Eat It or Beat It
contest was--
Was just a way
to get cameras here.
As soon as they
announce the winner,
I step out onto stage wearing
my 20 different logos
for all the world to see.
There's no way the girls
are gonna beat us
at fundraising, then.
And any idea how much money
we're gonna make?
$25,000.
Burton,
how did you know that?
In battle, Walton,
information is everything.
Yes, I know it's expensive,
okay?
But if you want
your logo on national TV,
you're gonna pay the same
as everyone else, Mom.
Yes.
This was my idea.
And I got my own sponsors.
Wait a minute!
That's my mom's logo.
I guess she knows a winner
when she sees one.
You know, boys,
this may well be
the finest bunch
of cupcakes I've ever made.
Walton!
Be careful!
Scrimmage girls!
Defend our honor!
Going out on the weekend
Front line boys left behind
Never show them
Your weakness
Come on,
Let's see some lines
Two, three, four, charge
If you want to prove you can
Really feel something
This is war
Fight with
Your dancing shoes
Ring the bell and get
Hammered across the floor
Jeans get out of the closet
Freedom can't be denied
Serves him right.
He hates vanilla. Ha-ha-ha!
Ladies and gentlemen at home,
I've never seen such savagery
in all my years
of food reporting.
No! No!
No! No! No, my dignity!
My dignity... no...
Get me the listings for all
the Macdonald Hall parents.
All of them.
When we say leadership,
that's not what we mean.
A food fight
on national television?
It's not my fault. I mean,
I was barely involved!
Well, we had a nice chat
with Tom Hartley from York
Academy, and he assures us
that you'll fit in great
when you go there next year.
No. Please. Anything but that.
Uh... Have you seen my website?
Yo, Boots. Man, we have got to
go see The Fish, like pronto.
I don't think it's very--
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. O'Neal.
Good to see you.
I was actually just telling
your son Melvin here
that the headmaster wants
to see us. I'm pretty sure
it is something good.
So ha-ha, A plus.
Our decision is final,
Melvin.
Goodbye, Bruno.
Oh, man.
She totally bought that.
Yo, man.
I have to tell you something.
No, we have no time.
You have to clean up
and I really gotta start
practicing my groveling.
No more fundraising.
That is it.
Sir, with the advertising
money we're over halfway there.
Like, we can't just stop.
If we don't get this pool,
Boots is gone for sure.
By the time you get your pool,
we may not have
any students left.
Apparently Hartley just called
every Macdonald Hall parent,
assuring them that this would
never happen at York Academy.
Oh! Give me...
half an hour
and two dozen cupcakes
and I can make sure this kind of
thing happens at York.
Believe me, sir.
I'm sorry, boys.
I can't risk the
entire school on this.
Pool fund is closed
for the rest of the year.
Look. I know this is
a major disappointment,
but as Macdonald Hall boys,
I expect you
to follow the rules.
So that's it.
Okay? No more fundraising.
No more schemes. Understood?
Understood.
Yeah, understood.
This is not the end.
This is just the beginning.
We need to keep it on the
down-low. We need to be smart.
We need to be organized.
We-- Where's Wilbur?
After Eat It or Beat It,
he went into butter shock.
His parents told him
no more scheming, or else.
Okay, okay.
Well, one man down.
We can handle that.
It's not that big of a deal.
Um, actually,
there's something
I've been meaning
to tell you guys.
I've just been spending so much
time with this project and...
I checked out
my average the other day
and it was an A... minus.
Minus, Bruno!
Minus!
He'll-- He'll be okay.
Uh, Chris?
You know, any ideas?
You're not just gonna
give up too, right?
Bruno, I don't want
to give up.
I am giving up.
Just ruin the show, then.
Just walk away, you know?
Your sponsors should be ashamed.
We're giving you all the money
we earned, aren't we?
That's the least you could do.
You wanna see the most I can do?
Guys! Stop!
This is exactly what got us
here in the first place.
Training tomorrow?
Sure.
No, guys, just wait.
Maybe-- Maybe if I talk
to their parents...
Yeah, parents love me!
Well, yours do, at least.
Bruno, I gotta tell you
something, man.
No. You don't have to say it,
dude. I already know.
You do?
You're worried
I'm giving up on you too.
Dude,
I made a promise to you
and everyone else, okay?
We are getting that pool,
because...
I just came up
with the ultimate idea.
What?
I know you have enough
to worry about with the race
and everything.
So just leave it to me, okay?
I swear I won't let you down.
You're a good friend, Bruno.
No, dude, I'm not good.
I'm the best.
Yeah, man, I'll see you--
See you later?
Yeah.
All right.
Hey! That's ours.
"Property of York Academy."
Doesn't sound like yours.
Actually, we crossed
the Y out with a D, so...
It said "Dork"!
Hey, O'Neal.
Here we are again.
And here's my joke: you suck.
All right!
Let's beat it.
Boots...
What about the team?
Look at the sign.
$5, please.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you. Have a nice day.
Quickly, quickly, quickly,
quickly, quickly. Next!
Your money ready, sir.
I didn't believe it. They told
me, but I didn't believe it.
I know, right?
Dude, I can't believe
we didn't think of this
sooner. It's like...
Okay, look, it's just like you
said. Nobody loves the school
as much as I do, you know?
Not the kids, not the parents
and definitely not the people
driving by every day for free.
Bruno...
you gotta stop this, man.
Guys?
I made $200 in 15 minutes.
But it's illegal!
Guys!
Look. Desperate times call for
desperately flawed schemes.
I'm trying to
save the school, dudes.
Why don't you just trust me?
It's not just about you, Bruno!
Every time you come up with one
of your crazy, wacky schemes,
we're the ones who have to deal
with the consequences,
while you just go ahead
and do something else crazy.
And we've had enough. Enough!
And that...
is the worst Comic Sans font
I've ever seen.
Chris... you talk?!
And you're British?
Guys!
What?
It's The Fish!
Walton!
Scatter, scatter, scatter!
Up too late on Saturday
This is what I want
Then I won't go to work
Then I'm gonna get paid
Hi, girls!
Bye girls! Please help.
Omm...
Excuse me, excuse me.
Beg your pardon, ladies.
Kids, they just want to have
Fun, kids just wanna have fun
Kids, they wanna have fun
Kids just wanna have fun
All right!
Well, they go out
To the rock and roll show
Kids just wanna have fun
So this was the plan when
Sturgeon showed up?
Have him catch us?
I'm just trying the best
I could do on my own, dude.
Walton!
O'Neal.
Kids, they just want to have
Fun, kids just wanna have fun
Kids, they wanna have fun
Kids just wanna have fun
Let's go!
Will you stop at nothing
to make me look foolish?
Of course.
Wanna have fun, kids,
They just want to have fun
I think we caught a fish.
They wanna have fun
Kids just wanna have fun
Sir, you have to believe us.
This is all our fault.
It's actually true,
Officer. The toll road,
the traffic jam...
I caused it.
Your headmaster's the one
that got caught in the trap,
there, boys. So it's up
to Ms. Scrimmage this time.
Oh, no.
Mr. Sturgeon and I
may have had our difference
in the past,
but there's no need
for any charges.
Good.
Free to go, sir.
I'll just take 'em off.
And as for the traps,
ever since our last
incident with the police,
the girls have become
very security conscious.
I can assure you,
Officer, these boys
will be very
severely dealt with.
William, isn't it
how you dealt with it
last time that led
to all of this?
Is there anything else,
Officer?
Uh-uh. Go ahead.
Thank you.
Uh, Mr. Sturgeon?
I just wanted to say,
um, you got a little...
something. And I just wanted to
make sure that, you know,
this won't affect anything
for the pool. You know,
the plans and everything.
Mostly for the future.
The future?
Yeah.
Oh, there's no future.
Not for the pool,
not for the fundraising.
It's all over.
And as for you two,
you'll both see
what your future holds.
Here again
I never thought
It'd be like this again
How could I know it'd be
With you again?
And now we're wasting time
And we're wasting life
As we drive
As we drive
As we drive
We're going to make
French croissants today.
May I use this...
What?
What, Ms. Davis? What?
On my walk over here,
I happened to pass
Bruno and Boots,
soaking wet and exhausted.
Ms. Davis,
this is an administrative
matter.
Please do not concern yourself
with it.
This is not about
the Hall, or some pool,
or even teaching those boys
a lesson anymore.
This is about you
being embarrassed
in front of all those boys
and girls and Ms. Scrimmage.
They broke the rules
and they knew it.
Oh, Willy, come on.
You are punishing those boys
because they care more about the
school than your stupid rules.
That is not
an administrative matter.
That stinks like a fish.
What are you doing?
Does it look like
I'm sleeping?
Because that might give you
a hint.
Nah, dude.
You gotta help me come up with
some more stuff
for this fan site.
Man, I don't have
a website or a fan page,
or whatever. I have a collection
of out-of-focus pictures
with some poorly spelled
motivational quotes.
Dude, these quotes
are awesome. Look.
Look.
"Never forget
where you parked."
What? Come on, man.
Dude, that's good advice.
Besides, man.
If you didn't have me, you
wouldn't even have a fan site.
If it wasn't for you,
I wouldn't be smelling
like garbage and chalk
for the last two weeks.
And, you know,
I never even asked you
to make a fan site.
How am I supposed to sell your
parents if you've just given up?
I have given up, Bruno.
Look, the fan site
hasn't done anything.
The fundraisers, the schemes...
My parents are sending me
to York next year anyway.
Man, it's over.
Wait, what?
Dude...
why didn't you tell me that?
Because you would have just
come up with some crazy new plan
and gotten us into even more
trouble.
Well, shows what you know.
Okay, I didn't know that
and I still came up
with some crazy, insane plan
that got us into a bunch
of trouble.
But you know,
at least I'm trying.
Who cares? We lost!
Like we do against every
swim meet with York.
You know, maybe we should
just accept it.
Maybe winning
really isn't everything.
Do you know who says stuff
like that, Boots? Losers.
Maybe I'd rather be
a loser with friends
than a winner with just you.
Bruno. Yo, wait, man.
I didn't mean that--
No, just, just...
It's not what you did wrong,
okay?
I couldn't be mad
at you or anything
I'm just getting frustrated.
Where are you going?
Just leave me alone!
Oh, my God--
Go get Wilbur.
Thing is, you may not be
entirely responsible for,
you know, the entire
turn of events.
Sometimes it's important to let
an outside party help you see
how you may be using, you know,
your own issues to get in
the way of what's important.
Like your job and,
uh, friendship.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Sir,
are you feeling all right?
I'm trying to say I'm sorry.
Okay?
Headmaster Sturgeon.
Bob Hartley here.
Did I catch you at a bad time?
I won't be a second.
Just heard some rumblings
about your swim team.
Toll road, or some such?
Your concern is very,
very touching, Hartley.
Well, I just wanted to give
you the opportunity
to back out
of next weeks' swim meet.
Ha, ha! I wouldn't want
to cause you any more...
embarrassment.
I want you to listen very,
very carefully
to what I'm about
to say to you, Hartley.
My boys have
never embarrassed me,
or the school, or themselves.
Not once. What they have done
is stood up for Macdonald Hall
with honor, enthusiasm,
and a good spirit
that your boys
would do well to learn.
In fact, the only time
it would embarrass me
is if they didn't
stand up to a bunch
of arrogant,
over-privileged turkeys.
I--
And that's not gonna happen
on my watch.
Goodbye, Hartley!
Shake hands, apologize
and get back to work.
There's a race to win.
Bruno, you know why I didn't
tell you about me going to York?
Sure. You didn't
want me to come up
with some crazy
Bruno scheme, right?
Dude, believe me, I get it.
No, no. It wasn't that.
I didn't want
to tell you because...
because I felt like
I let you down.
You know?
After everything you did for me.
And I'm sorry.
You're a good friend, Boots.
No, I'm not.
I'm the best.
You boys here
to catch round two?
No, of course not.
Why? Should I go
grab some chairs?
Very funny.
It sure is nice to
have the kind of pals
you don't have to be all weird
to and apologize to, eh?
Um...
I'm sorry I brought
so much fun into your lives.
Um...
I'm sorry for not
listening to you guys
and getting you
into all that trouble.
So when do we start
fundraising?
We can't.
The swim meet's next week
and Boots is going to York
unless we help him win.
So let's do it.
Come here, you.
Hey, guys.
You know, you can't have
a proper swim team
without proper
training equipment.
So this friend of yours
went to every school
in the area, picked up all the
scrap equipment she could,
and then needed some help
putting it together.
So how could I say no to someone
so determined, huh?
Thanks...
for sticking with me.
This is sweet.
George! George.
Haven't you been expelled yet?
What were you and Bruno
fighting about anyway?
I'm-- I'm Bruno.
He's Boots.
I don't actually care.
Boots is still going to York
and we still only have
75 grand for our pool.
I-I-I'm sorry. Did you say
you've raised $75,000?
As in seven five?
And we still have
to double it. But like,
how are we supposed to
do that?
And before Boots leaves?
It's impossible.
Bruno,
you don't like me
and frankly, I don't like you.
But there's one thing
we both love.
Animals dressed
in doctor outfits?
No.
Money.
Now what if I told you
I could help double
yours within a week.
Okay...
Follow me.
It's totally brilliant.
It is insanely complicated,
but it might just work.
We can't do it.
Okay, hold up, bro.
I don't think we should do this.
Espe--
Oh. Wait. We can't?
Any plan I come up with
just gets you guys
into a bunch of trouble
and honestly,
I don't really want to do that
to you guys anymore.
That's...
mature... of you.
Are you feeling okay, buddy?
We can do this.
Guys, I told you. I'm done
with coming up with--
This isn't about you,
Bruno.
It's about the Hall.
We got this.
We don't got this. Like, no.
You don't understand
what's going on--
Yo, we got this, man.
Clean yourself.
Yeah, okay.
So you're sure about this York
Academy Gold Club, George?
My friend,
there are rich kids
and then there are rich kids.
Not a scratch.
Bruno, Cathy.
Allow me to introduce you
to Randolph Mortimer
Winthorpe the Seventh.
Or is it the Eighth?
Who can keep track?
George, never got
a chance to congratulate you
on that Lorelai IPO. Good tip.
Thank you, Randolph. I'm sorry
you didn't take my advice.
So is my portfolio.
I'm interested in something
a little more... underground.
Never took you for the
underground sort, George.
Are you sure?
Well, it isn't my money.
It's theirs.
These aren't your porters?
Uh, 40,000 from the students
at Macdonald Hall.
And 35 from the girls
at the Scrimmage Academy.
They want to bet it--
And all of it--
On the swim meet today.
Who let them have money?
Well, I think
it's just adorable.
But we need the cash on hand
before we can place any bets.
It is on its way.
All right,
it's safe to move now.
That was a long morning.
Sorry.
Are you sure about these guys?
I'm sorry,
but no money, no betting.
That's okay. I heard the Gold
Club's not the most exclusive
secret private school
club anyways.
Did you know the girls
at the Havermore College
have a dodo bird exhibit?
Oh, really?
How would you like
to see a live dodo bird?
We gotta go.
Joan,
the last time I went out
for lunch I got hit
by a flying cupcake. I'm just
going to stay right here.
She was supposed
to leave for lunch!
What do we do now?
Is that a rope ladder?
I'll go. You guys stay clear.
Take this for the road.
Tell the world my story.
Go, buddy, go!
Arnold.
You know you don't have to race
if you're having
an asthma attack, right?
I'm fine.
See?
Anyways, it's like you said.
Never, ever give up.
Was that before or after
you totally gave up?
Okay, yeah.
I deserved that one
and what are you doing here?
Independent study. Maybe I'll
put the footage on your website.
Should it go in
the "winningocity" section,
or under "superbulence"?
Ha-ha. You can
put it under the
"sometimes I'm a jerk,
but I'm trying" section.
Thanks for sticking with us.
I already told you.
I know, I know.
It wasn't for me.
It was for the team.
I get it.
Well, maybe it was
a little bit for you.
But like I said,
that's my business.
This is from Picasso's little
known Killer Robots period.
I'm with Bruno! Bruno Walton!
Were you worried?
Not one bit.
I should probably be suspicious
of your burglar outfit,
but I'll just do what all
Winthorpes have done,
historically, and turn
a blind eye for profit.
Give the money here.
Uh, you know what, guys?
We could stick to the plan
and bet all this money, or
we could use it on this
incredibly complicated scheme
I just came up with right now.
I swear it's--
It's actually pretty good.
Right, right, right.
Okay, sorry.
Well, shall we?
Go, go, go!
Go Macdonald!
Towels? Towels? Hey, guys.
Coach Flynn?
Actually, it's...
Assistant Towel
Supervisor Flynn now.
But they're telling me that
I'm gonna be all the way up to
full Towel Supervisor soon.
So...
I made a terrible mistake.
I'll just be...
doing this over here.
This is usually where the
coach says something inspiring,
but considering how
that usually went...
You know, everyone says that
winning isn't everything.
I mean, I used to think that was
just something The Fish
would say to us, because...
well... we never won anything.
Ugh.
Look. But now, I think it means
a race is just a race.
You know? If you win,
it feels good.
Really good.
Really, really good.
Or so they tell me.
And we all know,
if you lose, it feels bad.
For a while.
But what lasts?
What lasts is the friends
you didn't expect to make.
And the things they do for you
that they didn't have to,
even when it was risky.
It's finding out just how much
people believe in you,
even when you didn't
believe in yourself.
So,
I guess the dumb
saying was right.
It really isn't
winning that matters.
It's everything else that
happens along the way.
Oh, and boys...
one more thing.
Swim real fast.
Swimmers,
please take your positions.
Go Boots! Woo!
Come on. Go Boots!
Go Boots! Got it!
Come on!
Turn around.
Come on, go back!
Go back! You got it!
Go Boots! Go Boots!
Swim like a fish! Come on!
Come on!
Yeah, Boots!
Ohh!
Ahh!
Did you see it?
I-I-I don't know who won.
Yes! Fourth place!
Fourth, baby!
Woo-hoo!
After much deliberation,
the three-member judges' panel
unanimously finds
for the winner...
York Academy!
Congratulations.
Thanks, Dad.
Good work, son.
You'll get it at home.
Good race.
Yeah. Woo! Macdonald Hall, baby.
Woo!
We're finished.
Me, Boots, everything. It's--
Bruno.
We lost all our money
and now we're never gonna get
this pool
and the Hall's gonna close
and everyone will blame me
and Chip's right.
We're just a bunch of losers.
Bruno! Look around you.
Whether you got the pool or not,
you made everybody here
a part of something.
You won, Bruno. You won.
What are you doing here?
Uh, moping and feeling
sorry for myself.
I mean, yeah, sure.
I learned something and we won
some sort of moral victory,
but you know, it's kind of
hard to swim in.
Uh-huh.
That's all very fascinating,
but who do I make
the check out to?
What check?
The check for...
let's see here...
$151,000.
What are you
talking about, George?
We... we lost.
Oh, I guess I didn't tell you.
I bet our money against
Macdonald Hall.
What? How could you?
Do you have any
idea how many times
Macdonald Hall has won
a swim race against York?
Zero.
Now, the school
might be used to losing.
I am not.
I bet against us and I won.
Bruno, I was wondering
if you knew where your--
Easy, easy, Bruno! Come on.
It's not his fault.
No, no, no! He did it!
He got us the money
for the pool!
We lost, but sir,
we won.
What are you talking about?
What did you do, Smythe?
Sir, it's not my fault.
It's his!
He did it too.
It wasn't just George, sir.
It was all of us.
Chris, Wilbur, Elmer,
and the Scrimmage girls.
They helped too.
We-- We did it together.
Because... well...
I guess people do love this
school as much as I do.
So you're saying
whatever you did,
you all did this together.
Hmm?
Yeah. Exactly.
That is absolutely...
remarkable.
Well done.
Buddy! We heard
about the race.
Yeah. You know,
I'm okay. I'm fine.
You're more than okay.
You're wonderful!
But I lost.
Yes,
but we watched the speech that
you gave to your teammates.
You did? How?
Well, that friend
of yours, Bruno,
has been harassing us
to see some website
for a few weeks now.
We finally did
and your speech was there.
Buddy, you know how we were
talking about leadership?
You know, what you said to
those boys, that was it!
So maybe we were a little
hasty about York Academy.
You mean I--
Yo! Boots, dude!
We got the pool!
We got the pool!
We just need to convince your
folks, but I have a plan.
We need three car batteries,
ah, four car batteries,
two ducks, paper clips--
Hey, hey, hey!
My mom wants to talk to you.
You win, Bruno.
Melvin can stay.
Awesome!
Uh, who's Melvin?
Bruno, it's me!
I can stay!
Dude, I told you!
Your parents love me.
So Boots can stay?
Everyone-- Everyone can stay.
Oh, my God!
Let's tighten up, guys.
All right, hold on.
Before the opening ceremonies
this afternoon,
I want to say a few words.
Uh... it's been quite a year.
Quite a journey.
But as a wise man once said,
"A journey is best measured not
in miles, but in friends."
We are standing in
this pool today because
of two such friends,
whose love for this school has
been an inspiration to us all.
So thank you to everyone,
but thank you especially
to Bruno and Boots
for unselfishly providing
generations of Macdonald Hall
and Scrimmage Academy
students the privilege
of sharing the--
Oh, dear.
The Cathy Burton Wexford Estate
Macdonald Hall
Sturgeon Memorial By-Centennial
Aquatic Facility and
Pooladium Esquire.
Congrats, guys.
Well done.
Okay, picture.
What's this for?
Oh, it's like...
Well, to say thanks for
putting my name on the pool.
Oh, also, fair's fair.
You never got the honor
of the first swim, Bruno.
I don't even know how to swim.
Oh.
Whoa!
Are you serious?
What are you waiting for?
Go jump in the pool!
Oh, no, no.
No, no.
So that's Macdonald Hall.
Best school in the country.
Best headmaster,
best students, best pool...
best friends.
Sorry. I completely looked
at the camera for that shot.
We're gonna have to--
Who? You looked at who?
Cal!
I looked. I'm sorry!
We've been best friends
since the "sirst"--
Blech. Blech.
Summer nights when
The stars are out
Reminds me of you
And my hometown
I remember how it used to be
Not a care in the world
Never felt so free
But tonight here we are again
In the backyard now
With all my friends
I lean back, put my hands in
The sky, let's do it all again
And I'm like na, na, na
Never want this night to end
I'm singin'
Na, na, na
Never want this night to end
Here's to the
Good times we've had
Makin' memories
To the heartbreaks
We've shared
You were there for me
Don't wanna say goodbye
This is the time of my life
To the good times,
Good times
I won't forget this night
Oh, whoa
Oh, whoa
Oh, uh
Ain't nowhere else
That I'd rather be
Than right here with you
Right next to me
I don't know what the future
Holds, five years from now
Will I still be broke?
Let's walk down
To the riverside
Chill out in the grass,
Watch a new sunrise
Lean back, put my hands
In the sky, let's do it
All again
And I'm like na, na, na
Never want this night
To end
Here's to the good times
We've had
Makin' memories
To the heartbreaks
We've shared
You were there for me
Don't wanna say goodbye
This is the time of my life
To the good times, good times
I won't forget this night
Na, na, na
Never want this night to end
I'm singin' na, na, na
Never want this night
To end
Don't wanna say goodbye
This is the time of my life
To the good times, good times
I won't forget this night