Bu Er Shen Tan (2013) Movie Script

Tian Ci, try to be more glowing
on the next take, please.
Sorry, director.
But... The truth is, I...
I'm scared of heights.
I really... I really can't smile.
Don't think that you're going to jump...
...and don't think about how high it is.
Just relax, and think of something nice.
Try, okay?
Just try, try.
I'll... I'll try.
That's right! That's right!
Good, that's what I want!
Roll camera! Action!
What's going on? He wasn't ready!
Where is he?
Next diver, Zheng Jun, 5225B.
Zheng Jun! Zheng Jun! Zheng Jun!
- Zheng Jun!
- What's going on?
- Zheng Jun!
- Zheng Jun!
The third victim in the
mysterious "smile murders"
...turned up today.
The deceased is diving star Zheng Jun.
Eyewitness accounts state.
...he died suddenly in
mid-air, during a dive.
The cause of death is unknown.
Later that night crowds
of Zheng Jun's fans.
...gathered to mourn his death.
While expressing their grief...
...mourners also called for
answers from the police...
...demanding to know
what measures are being
taken to solve the case.
With pressure on the police
mounting from mourners.
...and bereaved family members...
Police Commissioner Ma stated
in an interview yesterday.
...that she would soon be
making a public statement.
Next, we've got entertainment news!
- I'm a cop.
- Excuse me, two whiskeys.
I'm a cop...
- I'm a cop...
- Knock it off!
If you keep talking...
...the whole world will know you're a cop!
...you said this was a
Scottish theme party...
That's right...
Are you sure this isn't a
Scottish cross-dressing party?
Who said that?
I got that kilt on vacation
in Scotland two years ago.
For myself.
Ooooh! Bomb!
What? Huang Fei Hong, what did you say?
Four 2's!
Where are you?
Hello! What are you staring at?
Show him the royal flush!
Come on! This chef's completely done.
The exchange is in the dance hall...
why are you in the back kitchen?
I'm obviously.
...setting up the ambush.
The minute they see a problem...
...they'll try to leave
through the kitchen.
I say show him the royal flush!
Four 2's came out, now
the ace is the highest.
Just show him the royal flush!
That, right here, is a man
who understands fashion!
It's not every man who can
put on a dress and pull it off!
And look at you,
taking a designer skirt...
...and murdering it.
How are you any
different from a murderer?
A murderer!
You're making fun of me?
Laughing at me?
Wang Bu Er, calm down!
Mocking me?
He just means he's enjoying
the spectacle of you, is all!
Not everyone understands fashion.
Respect the man's trade.
He's so rude!
...if I believed that...
...my name wouldn't be Wang Bu Er!
That's right, your
name wouldn't be Bu Er...
...because that's not a stupid name at all!
Madam, let's switch channels.
What's the matter?
Madam, I have to ask you something.
Why did you make Huang my partner?
Is that a problem?
I just want to know why.
Because you're too impulsive!
Huang is a grizzled
old cop who survives.
I figured if anybody could
neutralize you, it's him.
Umm... I don't want to interrupt...
...but I'm not a grizzled old cop...
I'm a nicely-aged veteran.
Channel 3.
with a cop like Huang...
...he can't make it as a
pop idol, he can't act...
...he talks too much, and he's trouble.
How did he make it on the force?
He might be old, and obnoxious...
...and talk too much...
...but he solved a lot of big
cases when he was young.
He's made it this far
because he's good at his job.
Thank you, Madam!
How are you still listening?
Hello? Hello? You
think I want to listen?
With the way you're
changing frequencies...
...if I can still hear you, it's a good
bet the suspects can hear you, too.
It's been a long time!
- Yes it has, did you miss me?
- I missed your goods.
Whatever you missed, I have!
Team A reports a visual on target!
Everyone get ready!
Stay on alert.
Remember, we don't move.
...until both the money and
the merchandise change hands.
A Scottish jig!
The money?
The goods?
Quit it! Hurry up! Hurry!
Alright, money!
Get closer...
These guys don't waste time!
Money and merch are on the table!
Wang Bu Er, get back to position!
Wait until they exchange the
money and the merchandise!
Before that, don't let
them get suspicious!
Chen Hu!
Chen Hu? What's a Chen Hu?
Chen Hu, the crime boss
who disappeared 7 years ago!
Short hair...
...black trenchcoat...
...heading in my direction.
It is Chen Hu! It's Chen Hu!
No way...
...just when we're about to wrap up...
we get a Chen Hu!
Wang Bu Er, get back to position!
Tonight the target is Guo Xiao Bao!
I'll send Team C to pick up Chen Hu.
This can't wait anymore.
Chen Hu is a dangerous criminal.
Special cases like him
deserve special task forces.
We've already waited 7 years!
We can't wait any more!
What are you worried
about? We've waited 7 years...
we can wait a little longer.
How much longer?
Until I retire.
- Now, it's time for tonight's
prize drawing... - What happened?
Fate's Lucky Choice! Let's get started!
I'd like everyone's attention...
...because tonight's lucky winner is...
This gentleman!
I wasn't laughing at you! I swear...
Long time no see!
I love your skirt, brother.
What are you hearing?
I'm listening to the sound of my career.
...going up in smoke.
Madam, "smoke" is hard to see.
Huang Fei Hong, Huang Fei Hong...
90 help Wang Bu Er!
Huang Fei Hong?
Huang Fei Hong!
Huang Fei Hong?
Who exactly are you?
Right. I forgot to introduce myself.
Chen Hu!
The long arm of the
law always gets its man!
Good line.
Kid, I'm gonna call you Shit Magnet.
It was a simple case.
Both suspects escaped...
we lost the goods and the evidence...
...and Chen Hu, one of our most
wanted men, also got away!
So what happened, exactly?
You're trying to get me to eat my gun?
We weren't expecting Chen Hu.
I've already taken temporary measures.
...to minimize the damage.
You pulverized the bar,
that's your minimized damage?
All that proves is that you
don't know what you're doing!
You idiots!
You morons!
You waste of air!
Thank you, Madam!
For what?
I'm thinking exactly what you are.
I always tell them...
I always say, the chief is smart...
...listen to her!
Cut the shit!
I have 18 people lying in the hospital.
...and a million-dollar bill from the bar.
Who's paying for this?
Who's taking responsibility?
This wasn't their fault.
If you see fit to consign
me to a desk, I'll take it!
Starting tomorrow, you're my secretary!
I know nothing about computers.
You three.
...are going to write me
a very detailed report...
...and if I don't like it...
...you guard the parking
garage from now on!
Yes, Madam...
The workday is over...
we'll write it tomorrow.
Do you know why I'm
still a police officer?
I have a master's degree
in criminal investigation...
...and another in criminal psychology.
When I was a detective...
I solved two major cases, and
won three awards for excellence.
But with all that, I still haven't
been promoted. - Do you know why?
Because you're stupid.
I'm stupid?
You are the source of my stupidity!
- Me?
If it weren't for you, I'd
be commissioner already!
You think you'd get noticed without me?
Do you remember the
Causeway Bay vice roundup...
...and the thief I caught in
Sham Shui Po two years ago?
How could I forget?
We didn't catch a single
thief, or a single prostitute.
But on the same raid, I
found a counterfeiting ring...
...and caught a serial killer in a brothel.
Don't you get it?
Where would you be if it weren't for me?
Now get on your knees, and thank me!
- Me, kneel and thank you?
If the day actually comes
when you help me solve cases...
I'll build a shrine.
...and burn incense with you.
But not to me?
If not to me, then to who?
Your tombstone!
Again with the fighting?
Just get married.
We fight, so we should get married?
By that logic, I should marry you!
If you married me...
I'd never come home, and
you'd die pining for me!
Do you actually think I'd marry you?
I'd be scared you couldn't
handle the loneliness.
Touch me if you want get hurt!
- Dare you hurt me!
- Stop stop, let go!
- Hey, stop!
- Yeah, I will marry you!
Let's go, go get married!
Go! Get moving!
Who caught the suspect last night?
You're a hero, sir!
These are top-secret files.
The head of a film piracy site.
...that Interpol's been
chasing for five years!
Bi Touren.
In those years...
...he uploaded illegal copies of movies...
...including "Love is Not Blind"...
Have you seen it?
He didn't know what he was doing.
Go easy on him.
Lately, it's been kung fu movies.
Like "Fearless,"
"The Flying Swords of Dragon Gate"...
Hey, you look kind of familiar.
Piracy is theft!
Monsters like that should be shot!
Actually I was the one who caught him.
Really, I planned the whole operation.
I was in command.
- Congratulations.
- Just doing my job.
Wait a second.
May I have your attention, please!
Don't worry...
I was just taking a
picture to remember this by.
Say cheese!
Babe, finally, you picked up the phone.
Listen, don't get mad, don't get mad.
Just let me explain, okay?
All I want is one more chance, okay?
Oh shut up!
Detective Wang!
The deceased was Wang Feng, male, 32...
...a real estate project manager.
He was unmarried, had diabetes...
...and was a member of Greenpeace...
...an environmentalist.
Miu Miu?
Orange juice...
This is a murder.
The guy you want is a
jilted lover, some perv.
who drinks orange juice,
and wears fake Miu Miu heels.
Why did it have to be you?
It's a cruel god.
...that makes me bring you in myself.
I know how the story began...
...but I never guessed
it would come to this.
I don't want our relationship
to end like this either...
...but I'm a police officer...
...and this is my duty.
Oh yeah, you're some cop.
You think this is "Infernal Affairs"?
Can you maybe use your brain?
Are bad guys that easy to catch?
I just spilled the drink a minute ago...
...and I bought these shoes in Europe...
...and they're genuine.
And seriously, take
those stupid glasses off.
You're here to gather evidence,
not look like an idiot.
Hey, help us out, alright?
Bring it over here. Okay, turn it.
By my observations, I
deduce this is a murder case.
By your observations,
I should be in jail.
Where's your evidence?
Who would commit suicide by
drowning themselves in cement?
Get him back to the station.
Madam, the piece of cement is too big.
He won't fit in the van.
So get a bigger vehicle.
If we call now, they won't
be here for another hour.
Then wait.
There might be evidence in his phone.
Don't break it.
If you want something
done, do it yourself.
Waiting is for the helpless.
Go examine this cell phone.
Wang Bu Er!
How is the autopsy on this body coming?
We've been sitting
on our butts too long...
we need a case we can solve!
I don't know.
I'm the janitor.
How is the autopsy on this body coming?
We've been sitting
on our butts too long...
we need a case we can solve!
I've done tests...
...but I can't find an
obvious reason for death.
I don't think this is a suicide, though.
Because of how he looks.
What about it?
He's smiling.
Do you remember the
"smile murders" case?
The only similarity was
the smile on their faces.
So I think it's the same killer...
...a serial killer.
A serial killer!
And, I've discovered.
...the same woman present.
...at each of the victims' funerals.
She wore that?
Criminal psychology.
...says murderers go to the
funerals of their victims.
...to relive the thrill of the murder.
Wow, that's sick!
And if he said pigs could climb trees...
...you'd believe that, too.
They're climbing now! Go look!
The woman's name is Liu Jin...
Liu Jin Shui.
She's the ex-girlfriend of
every dead body we've got.
Crimes of passion.
I think that's a good analysis.
Really? You think so too?
Right, it just hit
the five-day average.
If you ask me, in the next three days,
this stock is definitely going up.
Hey, keep personal
calls on personal time.
Okay, that's it for now.
Wang Bu Er, the motive here is obvious.
We can't afford any more delays.
We need the murder suspect apprehended!
Where's Bu Er?
You're his boss...
...and I'm not his nanny.
We face many challenges in our society.
With a unified will, we can face.
...and overcome these obstacles.
We can bridge the
divisions that separate us.
Look out!
Cut! Cut!
Hold on, hold on...
Get that shot! Get that shot!
Get that shot! Get that shot!
That was beautiful.
We got it, yeah?
That scene.
...may have been my finest
work as a director.
It flowed so beautifully!
You're a genius. You
make it look so easy.
Well, yes.
Who are you?
The police!
The police?
Why did you kill your boyfriends?
What did you say?
You have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say can.
...and will be used against
you in a court of law.
Our lead actress is a murderer?
Oh, we can sell that!
We can... Sell that.
Let's do.
Good Cop Bad Cop.
You be the Bad Cop.
You get to be the good cop?
And I'm the bad cop. Why?
Anyone can see.
I'm a more convincing good cop.
If only you could play an
idiot. You'd win an Oscar.
When we go in there...
Let's do Good Cop Bad Cop.
You be Bad Cop.
I'm Bad Cop? Why do
I have to be Bad Cop?
I'm a more convincing good cop.
So I look Bad to you?
I'm not saying you look like anything.
I'm just saying, comparatively...
I seem nicer.
But I'm a better actress.
That's exactly right.
I'm a terrible actor.
I can only play myself.
You know, that's kind of true.
- You have to be really nasty.
- Really nasty?
- Swear at her.
- Swear at her...
Then beat her up.
Beat her up? That's no good.
I don't mean really hit her...
I mean, make like you're about
to, then I'll restrain you...
...and then I'll hit you.
Now you're hitting me?
I'm Good Cop, you're Bad Cop, right?
Hey, I don't approve
of your rough stuff.
Am I right?
- This is crazy!
- Fine...
Miss Liu, you're even more beautiful
in person than in the movies.
You killed them, right? Confess.
It wasn't me.
I don't know why they died.
It's a shame this isn't a movie...
...because you're a good actress.
You don't know why they
died, so you're blaming me.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Don't be nervous... Don't be nervous...
Don't be nervous... Don't be nervous...
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
- So I'm incompetent, huh?
- Hey! Hey! Hey!
- What are you saying?
- Calm down! Calm down!
Let me go!
She can't handle a punch from you!
Calm down... Calm down...
Sit down, sit down...
Calm down... Calm down...
Miss Liu, don't be frightened...
we're just doing our jobs.
Please continue.
I didn't do it, there's
nothing to admit.
Why don't you tell me.
why I would kill them?
Well, and this is just
my personal opinion...
...after your four
ex-boyfriends dumped you.
...like a bag of old pantyhose...
You didn't feel like it was fair...
...so you killed them.
A woman at your age...
with no boyfriend, no one
to pay attention to you...
...no one to spoil you,
no one to love you...
Every day, you wake up and go to work...
...and you see the street full of couples...
...and you're all alone.
It's really sad, actually.
A woman like you...
Tossed out alone into the cold world...
...you're a ticking time bomb.
Who are you talking about?
You have a lot of reports to write.
More reports?
One about why you broke the trash can...
...one on why you arrested a
suspect without evidence...
...oh, one on why a film company
is filing suit against us...
And if you don't let her go,
you'll have another to write.
Quit saying "you" all
the time. We're all cops.
You arrested her. I wasn't there.
Let her go.
Why should I?
Commissioner's orders.
Right, uh, Miss Liu...
we're sorry for taking
up your valuable time.
If you'll just take a look at this.
...and sign if there's
no problem, you can go.
Did the power go out?
Aw, everyone's staring at me.
Why are you pretending not to?
I'm not into girls.
I think you're scared of your wife.
You know why we have so
many harassment cases?
Do you see what she's wearing?
Just because I show,
doesn't mean you can touch.
Have you seen enough?
Miss, who are you looking for?
My little sister.
Your little sister?
My instincts tell me this
big sister is a problem.
Big sister? Who?
Liu Jin Shui's big sister.
My instincts tell me
the workday is over.
Gao Min...
Jin Shui...
Are you okay?
Jin Shui...
You've got some nerve...
...bringing my cousin's ex-boyfriend
out to show off like this.
Are you out to steal everything she has?
...leave it alone.
Sometimes, things happen
that nobody expects.
And with love, sometimes
you can't help it.
Sometimes two people
are drawn to each other.
The most important thing in
life is happiness, isn't it?
And you're her maternal cousin...
...you're not my direct
relative, if I'm not mistaken?
Are you hungry?
Want me to make something
to put in your tum-tum?
I'm not in the mood for this.
You and Gao Min go home, okay?
Don't say I'm being crazy,
she's jealous of you.
Why should she be?
She's my sister.
If she wasn't jealous, why
would she steal your boyfriends?
I don't know why...
...but she seems different lately.
This is the victim's residence.
Yes, of course it's
the victim's residence.
The search warrant?
No warrant.
If we show them the search warrant...
...the people in the house
will have their guard up.
It could influence what
evidence we can gather.
Alright, but if there's
someone there, what do we do?
He lives alone.
No one's here.
Then why aren't we
using the search warrant?
I forgot it.
You forgot?
Why in God's name do I have to know you.
Because you're blessed.
If you can't even handle this, I
don't know how you became a sergeant!
With my brain!
I'll toss you up.
Can you climb up?
How much do you weigh?
75 pounds...
There you go!
- You... You're trying to kill me!
- As a police officer...
...you should know better than
to provide false evidence!
You're not 75 pounds!
I've been eating a lot lately...
I might be around 85 right now.
How much?
Okay, 120!
Come on!
I am not!
There's... Glass...!
Wang Bu Er, I will kill you!
There's someone here!
Who's there?
Hey, get me out of here first!
Hey! Get me out!
You're SO not an insurance agent.
You... You didn't say you were po...
Hey, look at these.
...our victim obviously had relationships.
with both of these women.
And it's very possible.
...that he wanted to marry one of them.
It's suicide to ask two women.
...to share one diamond.
...then we don't need to...
...pay compensation.
When did the deceased buy insurance?
Not... Not more than a week ago.
It became effective on the day he...
Who was the beneficiary?
I can't tell you...
Sign it.
You're the beneficiary?
If you love me, sign it!
It's called "Love's Guarantee".
We have to break up.
The truth is...
I'm still in love with your sister.
You men are all the same.
Every time, you date my sister...
...then tell me you love me...
...until I start to get serious...
...then you all want to run back to her.
And you're all shameless
enough to propose to her!
I might dress a little sexier...
...but I keep my promises.
I'm going to propose to your sister.
If you don't love me...
...sign it.
Sign it if I don't love you?
It's compensation.
You won't be stealing your
sister's boyfriends anymore.
I'm the last one.
We'll see.
Hello, Uncle Liu.
- He's asleep?
- He is.
After my dad's accident...
You've gone to a lot of trouble
to come and see him, thank you...
He's my uncle, it's all I can do...
Um, about your movie.
...and what happened with it...
...sorry to hear about that.
I don't know why...
These last few years, nothing
good has happened to me.
"The Eyes of Heaven-Fortune Teller"
I don't believe in
this stuff. Forget it.
We're here already...
...and I heard he's good.
He has "the eyes of heaven",
he can see everything.
Did you see that? He knows we're here.
Maybe that's why.
Let's go in.
Master, I never pictured
you as such a stylish man!
Fortune telling.
...is actually just the scientific
analysis of sufficient data.
Miss, you're an actress...
...and you're here to
ask about your career?
Tell us about her love life!
We'll get to that.
You were born in 1982,
in the second lunar month?
How did you know that?
Because you filled that in when
you made the appointment for her.
Did you see I made the
appointment six months ago?
You've had significant
difficulties in your career lately.
You can't land a leading role.
But how could you know that?
Entertainment news.
Some stupid cop went
and wrecked your rep...
...everyone knows that. Look.
Eyes of Heaven...
...could you tell us one
of your own predictions?
Of course.
The whites of your eyes
are full of red lines.
What does that mean, Master?
That means.
...she may have stayed up all night...
...she's had too much alcohol,
she just got done crying...
...or she has an eye infection.
Enough, let's go.
The blood vessels on the upper part of the
whites of your eyes are straight and vertical!
You're under a curse!
Yeah right!
The curse you're under is
called the Star of Solitude...
...it means you'll always be alone!
And only women can set this curse.
...is there any way to remove it?
Get the person cursing her.
...to stop.
Why did you bring me to Yi Yi's house?
So you could find out the truth.
You and me on this,
right? He was a fraud!
If you don't go, I will.
What, you hungry now?
Why did you put a curse on your sister?
You're crazy!
What is it that makes
you want to hurt her?
Come on, let's go! Quit
causing problems for everyone!
I'm asking you a question!
Your sister is good to you...
...so why do you steal her boyfriends?
I don't steal them...
...they dumped her all by themselves!
What did you say?
I said...
...stop trying to be a
movie star in real life.
...in the movies, the men love you.
In real life, your men love me.
...is that my problem, or
is that your problem?
All these years you've
never understood me.
I don't want to be a star...
I want to be an actress.
She's already inside.
Do you want me to come
up and talk about it?
No. I want to be alone!
Give me one more chance!
I know I was wrong...
...but once I was with her, I
missed you every single day!
I just... I got confused.
Leave me alone!
Jin Shui! Jin Shui! Jin Shui!
I love you!
Marry me!
Are you serious?
Even here, you can eat?
I can't get off work on time...
...and now I can't eat on time?
It's weird.
Why do all the victims have that smile?
Yeah, they've all got that smile.
Maybe something hit him in the
acupressure point for laughter.
You've been reading
too many kung fu novels.
Just because you don't know
doesn't mean it's not real.
Doctor, urn, where is the
laughter acupressure point?
According to Western medicine...
...there's no such thing.
You don't know where they are?
On the bottom of your foot, and here.
Just kidding, just kidding.
If you believe that...
...then I know the Jax Arm Pull.
If there really is an
acupressure point for laughter...
I'll serve you tea
and give you massages...
...and I'll marry you...
I'll go write the report, bye.
Why is my picture up there?
Anyone who has a relationship.
with the suspect goes up there...
But here... There's a blank spot,
and I didn't know who to put here.
Anyone with a relationship?
We have a relationship.
Shouldn't your picture be next to mine?
What kind of a relationship
are we supposed to have?
I'm your superior...
...and I have better taste than that.
We're partners!
- And of course we have a relationship
as partners. - Exactly.
- We work together, with one will
and one heart. - Right...
And it raises our
effectiveness as police.
Yeah, alright, then
raise it, increase it...
Chief, I'd like to file a complaint.
One of my co-workers.
- is trading stocks on company time.
- Okay, that's all.
Am I? Do you have proof?
Well, then what were you doing?
I'm raising my insurance coverage!
Is there a difference?
Yes, there is.
If I didn't increase my coverage...
...the insurance company wouldn't tell me.
who the beneficiary of the
victims' insurance policies was.
Who was it?
Dai Yi Yi? She's the
biggest suspect right now.
Where's Wang Bu Er?
Don't worry about the fine print...
...there's nothing in there to hurt you.
All you have to do is.
...initial Page 4, 8...
12, 13, and 14.
Okay, well, then... Look,
look! Everybody look!
That's a lot of insurance!
I'm looking, I'm looking...
Uncle Lucky, making your men
buy life insurance from me.
was very generous.
No man has ever made me feel so secure.
You bet.
You know what they call Uncle Lucky?
Tiger Crane Lucky!
A tiger over here, a crane over there!
One man, two animals!
Brothers! Your life
insurance today is on me!
Alright! Good! Thank you, Uncle Lucky!
Dai Yi Yi!
What'll you have?
You... You're Dai Yi Yi?
Uncle Lucky, I'm scared.
I don't know that man.
Don't worry, I'll handle him.
Hey, what's the problem?
I'm a cop, working a case.
You ever heard of Tiger Crane Lucky?
If you're smart, you'll go home.
You can still walk out of
here with your face intact!
Get him out of here!
What are you laughing at?
Get out of here!
Boys, stir-fry him.
Hey! Get moving!
Get him!
After him!
After him! Hurry!
This way!
After him! Hurry!
After him! Hurry!
Where did he go?
I think he went that way. Let's go!
God, I'm gonna need a shower!
Uncle Lucky, over here!
I know, I know... You can't
see I can barely breathe?
- This guy's wearing me out.
- Uncle Lucky, hurry!
When criminals know kung
fu, they're unstoppable!
Im looking good, right?
You're lucky today...
...because you get to be the good
cop, and I'll be the bad cop.
With how you look, you couldn't be evil.
I'm more of a bad guy.
Come on, for work.
Out of the way.
You're lucky today...
...because you get to be Good
Cop, and I get to be Bad Cop.
Dai Yi Yi!
Miss Dai, we're very grateful
for your cooperation today.
Miss Dai...
You probably didn't kill those guys.
Wang Bu Er, I'd like
to have a word with you.
Come outside with me.
Excuse me.
What was that?
I thought you were Bad Cop!
I was playing by instinct.
The minute I stepped in
there I just felt she's...
Innocent my ass.
I'm Bad Cop. You don't talk to me.
We know you killed them...
...so just come clean...
...and we can all save a lot of time.
Fine, I killed them.
Did you really kill them?
- No.
Then why did you say you did?
You told me to.
I'm cooperating with the police.
You wanna play games with me?
Sit down, calm down.
This is very impolite.
Don't worry.
Why did you make them buy insurance?
Because I sell insurance.
So we have reason to suspect you.
You murdered them for
the insurance payouts.
We found these in your house.
They're almost identical
to the needle we found.
...on one of the victims.
How do you explain that?
Maybe it's normal for
folks to have sewing needles.
...around the house.
So you're saying you've
got sewing needles...
You're the national darts champion...
...throwing needles would be easy for you.
How do you explain that?
So knowing darts means
I can throw needles?
I guess people who play
soccer know Kickboxing, too.
She has a really good point.
From the stuffy old
clothes you're wearing...
...and your temper...
I'd say you're
chronically single, right?
What're you talking
about, you catty skank?
Release her!
You bet I Will!
I'm the sergeant here,
and I decide when she goes!
Her lawyer is here,
and she has an alibi.
I know you get me.
Liu Jin Shui.
Sign here.
All right, you can go.
Jin Shui...
...forgive me...
I just got confused.
I couldn't resist the temptation.
But you're the one I love.
Jin Shui...
...you told me once.
...that the men who date you.
...end up under a curse...
...bad things happen to all of them.
To tell you the truth...
You know I can't quit you...
...after everything these last few months...
I know I can't...
If I can be with you...
I'm not scared of anything.
Marry me.
I'd like a plane ticket,
Hong Kong to Sanya...
...the earliest you have available.
Madam, I just saw
Liu Jin Shui retrieve
Gao Min's belongings.
Is she gone?
...and I heard her booking
a flight out of Hong Kong.
Hello Kitty?
Officer Wang, what's the problem?
I need to commandeer your vehicle!
Because I need to follow that car!
Okay! Get in!
...it looks like someone is
trying to get your attention?
That's my husband. He had an
affair while I was pregnant.
That pig! I'll lose him for you.
Miss, your husband seems awfully clingy.
But I have to say I
admire his persistence.
Oh my, Officer Wang, you're incredible!
Take care!
I lost her.
You think of something to stop her.
We can't let her get on that plane!
What? Think of something?
What am I supposed to
think of? How do I stop her?
Have a pleasant journey.
Miss Liu, we'll need
you to come with us.
We have something very
important to discuss with you.
And this is our female
lead, Miss Liu Jin Shui.
Let's give her a round of applause!
Wait, what is this?
We want you to star in a movie.
Since when do the police make movies?
We do! Of course we do.
The Triads funded.
"Young and Dangerous", and after that...
...a lot of people wanted to be gangsters.
As police, we had to answer that...
...so we produced a series
called "Police Story"!
Then "Police Story 2"...
Police Story 3: Super Cop...
New Police Story...
...and after that, the sixth one...
New New Police Story:
the Beautiful Transformer.
Hey, don't think we're making this up.
We're the ones.
who made Jackie Chan
and Michelle Yeoh famous!
So that was you, the Hong Kong
police, who made them famous?
I'm just asking.
...if you'd like to be
as famous as they are?
Speaking as a Hong Kong
Royal Police sergeant...
...and as a producer...
I'm asking you to make a movie with us.
Wang Bu Er?
You told me to think of
something to keep her here.
Go after her.
You don't want to be in a leading role?
Shut up...
...it's obviously fake.
C'mon. They're idiots.
They don't see it.
No movie companies in
Hong Kong have the money.
...to put on press conferences these days.
...it's just that.
I know nothing good
could ever happen to me.
There's a place I want to show you.
Do you know how cruel their deaths were?
You didn't love them?
How cold-blooded are you?
I don't know who they are.
Oh, sorry.
So, you know these three.
One more and they can
start a Beatles cover band.
Did you love them?
Every one of them proposed to me...
I said yes to every one, and I meant it.
So what do you think?
Do you want to know the
truth of how they died?
Very much.
Let me be number four.
Marry me.
You're crazy.
Hey, it's my first time
proposing in a graveyard...
...so help me out, all right?
For their sake, at the graves
of your exes, say yes... Hey!
I know I was wrong...
But let's start over, okay?
Give me another chance!
Come on, just marry me already!
Oh shut up!
You know this is cruel, right?
What are you doing here?
Waiting for you.
So you want to marry me?
You want to use a fake marriage with me.
...as bait for the real killer?
As of right now, we're engaged.
Wait, wait, wait...
What are you doing?
If we're acting, let's go all the way.
I brought all my bags.
Who says lovers have to live together?
Lovers have to live together.
For all we know, the real killer
might be watching us right now.
He can even see me from there?
I'm just kidding, don't be scared.
You're crazy.
Mr. Wang...
...your fiance has finished changing!
Okay, look this way. Now smile, more.
Look over here, smile.
This necklace, it's gorgeous...
My dad gave it to me years ago.
Seriously, a diamond this size...
...you know it's fake.
You guys... Go ahead...
Morn gave you this
doll for your birthday.
Do you remember?
Of course.
And then you stole it...
...then broke it.
Actually, I kept it...
...and fixed it.
It was your favorite toy...
...how could I throw it away?
Now, it goes back to its owner.
I want you to be happy.
I've said some things that weren't nice.
...because I wanted you to
know what you're up against.
I wanted you to put that dream away.
...and come back to the real world.
Don't blame me for that.
...all these years, I've been blaming you.
I was angry at you for
stealing my boyfriends.
I thought you were trying
to take them from me.
But I get it now.
You were trying to see
if they really loved me.
Thank you.
Sis, don't thank me.
I really just wanted your boyfriends.
The Tears of Loneliness.
Stolen from a New York museum in 2002.
It was a legendary heist...
...the Debonair Diamond Hijack.
Get this appraised.
Yes, Sir!
"Perfect Robberies-History's
Five Greatest Art Thefts"
Why did you kill them?
Because I like murder!
I killed all five! Happy now?
Don't move!
Uncle Liu...
How're you feeling today?
Where's my cousin?
Why isn't he here?
Uncle Liu...
I'm getting married soon.
...this is my husband-to-be.
His name is Wang Bu Er.
He's stupid, but kind of cute.
I think I'm going to be happy with him.
Uncle Liu...
we'd like you to be a legal
witness of our wedding.
Your hiding place was almost perfect!
Too bad you met me!
Wang Bu Er?
What are you doing here?
Liu Xing...
...have you actually enjoyed
being in bed for three years?
How can you speak to my uncle like that?
I saw a photo of your father.
...and your uncle together...
...and after I saw the necklace.
...during our wedding photos...
I finally understood.
Your uncle, and your father, were
celebrities a decade ago, master thieves.
who pulled off a heist at the
New York Museum of History!
Your uncle's the one who's been.
...killing all your boyfriends.
That's not true!
My uncle is paralyzed, how could he...
Your first boyfriend
died three years ago...
...at the same time your
uncle was paralyzed.
Pretending to be paralyzed was
the best way to avoid suspicion.
Just now, when I fought with your son...
...he took all the responsibility.
- He said he did it all himself.
- It was me...
I killed every one of them!
But after I saw his skill
with the needles, I knew...
I knew there had to be someone else.
You're such a patient man.
When the first three victims got struck...
...they were moving at high speeds.
The cause of death.
was a needle striking their
laughter acupressure point...
...causing instant,
total-body muscle paralysis...
which is why they died
with a smile on their face.
And, you were hidden so
well, it was almost flawless.
But of all the mistakes to make...
...tell me why a paralyzed man.
would keep a pair of
sandals under his bed?
So, the sandals gave it away?
Sorry, those sandals are mine...
You'll never escape.
Can you get up and say that?
Get him!
In this condition? Still?
Get him...
You're not scared you'll die?
Go get him!
Are you all right?
Take care of him!
Where are you going?
You just told me to go get him!
Bu Er, are you okay?
You fool!
You think you'll be able to
fight after running so long?
Nice moves!
You can't win, give up.
Give up?
To you?
Seven of you couldn't beat me!
How about eight?
Your father and your uncle.
were both famous museum thieves.
When your father was still alive...
...he left you an inheritance...
...but you had to be married
before age 30...
...or it would go to your uncle...
Mr. Liu Xing.
So, your uncle had to stop you.
...from getting married before you turn 30.
Wouldn't it just be simpler to kill me?
There's one thing I don't get.
Your necklace was actually a
very important cultural artifact...
...so we've already sent it
back to the New York museum.
That necklace was the last
thing my father ever gave me.
Actually, he left you something else.
This is called "Lily's Ocean".
It was what your uncle wanted most.
But even he didn't get it.
It's not a famous painting...
...it's one your father painted himself.
Your father was one of the
world's best art thieves...
...and he had all the
treasures he could want.
But he didn't have a family.
This is called "Lily's Ocean"
...because your mother's
English name was Lily.
He wanted you to get married before 30...
...because he wanted to remind you to
cherish the people close to you...
Did you hear that? Cherish
the people close to you...
Uncle Liu...
...how have you been, seriously?
I don't have to lay in bed all day.
Uncle Liu...
...there's something I want to know.
You worked so hard to stop
me from getting married...
...but why didn't you just kill me?
You're family.
All these years, you've
been taking care of me.
I was greedy, not evil. How
could I kill you over money?
Uncle Liu...
when you get out...
I'd like to take care of you.
Let's go.
Jin Shui...
I'm sorry.
You caught a serial killer,
and found the thieves.
They robbed the New York museum.
Two birds with one stone!
You'll get a promotion.
Huang Fei Hong, you can
officially begin your retired life.
Wang Bu Er...
Maybe you're not a
total idiot. Well done!
So, you get early retirement
and a pension increase...
...and I get nothing.
Can you believe these women today?
They don't even get to know
you before they come on to you!
I'll kill you.
That's my wife.
...honey, you look taller!
For the sake of our kids, I have to be!
No wonder he always wants
to get off work early.
Wang Bu Er...
...can I tell you something?
Something's up with your boyfriend?
No, of course not.
But I still feel the Star of Solitude.
Well, you shouldn't
dwell on these things.
Luck, love, fate... That
can all change in an instant.
Like that. So, I'd like
you to change my luck.
Would you be my boyfriend?
That's very flattering...
...and I appreciate your frankness. But...
...the truth is, there's no forcing love...
...and there's already...
...someone I have feelings for.
I had no idea you had such good taste.
But if you like me,
you should just tell me.
Bu Er!