Bullets, Fangs and Dinner at 8 (2015) Movie Script
1
Good morning, everyone.
Morning.
Good morning.
This is quite a crowd today
for a weekday service.
Is that something to do with
your recruiting, Steven?
I do what I can.
Associate Pastor
Steven Cooper would
like to make some announcements
before we start the service.
Good morning, everyone.
Good morning.
As Father Otto said, a bit of
a crowd for a weekday mass.
Maybe that's 'cause
preseason football is
starting on Sunday, right?
So anyway, onto
our announcements.
Church of St. Anthony's is going
to be working in collaboration
with other Christian
churches in order
to help the unfortunate victims,
the Christian victims who
were part of the protest
a few weeks ago--
So on behalf of those victims,
St. Anthony's thank you
for your donation.
Typically, Father Bartholomew
would be holding this charity,
but he has not been
feeling that well.
But not to worry.
He will be feeling better soon.
You.
You in the back there.
I'm going to ask you to leave.
Of course.
That's what Christians do
to those that are different.
Johnny?
Johnny, is that you?
The new me.
After you and Father
Bartholomew cast me out.
This is not the
appropriate time--
Go to hell!
I'm sorry, but you preach
about love and acceptance,
and you judged me.
Cast me out for
doing nothing wrong.
And then when I found a group of
people who accepted me as I am,
you exiled them from town
just like you exiled me
from the church.
Well, it's like our
leader, the Master,
says, a purge for a purge.
You couldn't remember to
get gas after the movies
last night, huh?
Not a great way to
start your first day
as a clergyman, buddy.
I'm pretty sure this
whole carpool thing is not
going to be a great idea.
If anything, a
carpool..
Father?
Get over to the
church right away.
Yeah, I'm here.
Paul.
Paul.
What?
They're here.
The name of the Father and
Son and the Holy Spirit.
Don't kill him.
Don't kill him.
Paul-- Paul and Johnny
are here, Father.
Paul and John--
Paul and Johnny--
Finally.
Guys, help Father Otto.
I'm going to stay here.
I'm going to make sure there's
no other survivors that
need my help.
Steve is in there with that man.
Go help him out.
But Father--
Go help him now!
What's wrong, Johnny?
Sir, look at what we did.
What you did here
is for our people.
I'm proud of you, Johnny.
I am honored, Master.
You're a great actor.
You had them all fooled.
Good work.
My church.
Steven, what's going on?
The-- the shooter, he got away.
You let him go, Steven.
We saw you did.
Oh.
Well, that's too bad.
Now I have to kill
you two, as well.
Is the cross weakening him?
It couldn't hurt to try.
We can't kill a priest.
Let's just leave him
here with the cops.
They're take care of him.
Brother Bartholomew!
You thought the
cross weakened me?
You've seen too
many vampire movies.
Even though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for
you are with me.
Your rod and Your
staff, they comfort me.
Hm.
Forgot your fangs.
Nah.
They're just cheesy.
Except the Master's.
'Cause the Master's
fangs are real.
They're retractable.
Didn't you hear the
story about that guy
that tried to yank the Master's
fangs out of his mouth?
Found they were
lodged in his gums.
Shit.
Yeah.
See, the Master,
he's the real deal.
A true vampire.
You really believe that?
According to urban myth,
he's centuries old.
That's why he talks so weird.
He's traveled the
world for years,
picking up different accents.
He's a true immortal.
If that's true, then how come
he doesn't make us immortals?
We have to prove
ourselves first.
Starting with you.
We're going to deliver
what's left of you to him.
Untie the girl now.
You should've worn a mask, hero.
I never forget a face.
Normally you'd be
right, see, but I
don't need to wear a
mask for this mission.
What do you mean?
Because none of you are
getting out of here alive.
Let her down slowly.
Back away.
Step back.
Go in peace.
Serve the Lord.
I am the vengeance of the Lord
and the vengeance of His temp--
Shit!
Michael, look out!
You're going to blow your cover.
I was trying to help.
I don't need your help.
Vampire hunter!
Get out of my club!
This is a mess.
That was really risky.
Fancy seeing you
here, vampire hunter.
Don't worry.
After tonight, you're
not going to see me again
because I'm going to
take your other eyeball.
You OK, man?
Thanks.
Fuck.
We gotta get we gotta
get out of here.
The cops are on their way.
My cover's blown, Michael.
I told you to wait
until Mark got here.
I know things got crazy.
I'm sorry.
My fucking cover's blown!
All right!
Look on the bright side.
You won't have to wear this
stupid bandana anymore.
Michael, you know this
is fucking serious, man.
I am being serious.
There was a hostage in there.
Where were you?
We were outnumbered
10 to 1 in there.
What have you been up to?
Sorry, man.
I was over on 12th with
the Girls Fang Gang.
And then I was over on 6th
with the Nosferatu Vagrants.
Where's everybody else?
Look, they're out of
town on assignment.
I join them next week,
and that leaves you three.
What?
Cool.
So this has just been
practice for being outnumbered
for the rest of the week.
You know we're getting
picked off one by one, right?
Hey, look, if you were nervous,
I didn't need your help back
in there.
You could've just stood around.
Really, Michael?
Who's got police training and
who's the seminary student?
Who founded the
group that you're
in because the police
weren't doing anything?
The church knew what
these freaks could do
and the church started
doing something about it,
and the police thought
we were being paranoid.
Sorry if I don't trust
your police training.
Did you guys see the news today?
What?
What?
Not yet.
You need to watch it, 'cause it
will remind you why we do this.
Come on.
Follow me to my car.
I'll show you what
I'm talking about.
Sensitive viewers,
please be aware.
The image is disturbing.
Welcome to the Dungeon,
where we keep the rest
of your Christian brethren.
You are here because you
voted with the church
to take away our rights.
Well, you know what
happens when you take away
our religious freedom?
We take away yours!
Unless, of course,
you would like
to renounce your
Christian faith.
Go to hell.
We're already there.
I don't know what's
more sickening,
the fact that he can get
off torturing these people,
or the fact that he's pretending
to be an associate pastor
at my church.
And no one else is onto him.
Just me.
He knows, though.
God.
And he hasn't come after
me because he likes
playing these little games.
Why don't we just--
We can't.
He's too high profile.
I've heard he can't
be killed, anyway.
Enough with this nonsense.
Vampires in real life are
freaks with fake fangs
who watch too many vampire
movies, even this guy.
The reason we can't kill
Associate Pastor Stephen Cooper
is because then we will
become criminals on the run.
So somehow, we have to expose
him for who he really is.
Then we can nail
him to the wall,
for our sake and
everybody else's.
And we thank you, God, for
gathering us all here today
in group prayer for your church.
And for all of your people,
all of the Christians
that are being held
hostage by the vampires.
Please, please, God.
Please watch over them.
And their families.
Yes.
They must be in such a
profound state of suffering.
Give them strength in their
suffering, the same way
that you gave your only
son, Jesus Christ, strength
when he was on the cross.
And give us strength to
defeat these freaks that
have caused us so much pain.
Freaks.
Yes.
Please, uh-- please help us
to do this as a community,
rather than relying on the
vampire hunters, a group
of vigilantes who has taken
the law into their own hands
and has tarnished the reputation
of the church by their methods.
Yes, help us find other
ways, God, please.
Steven's foundation.
Yes, such a great cause.
You've not only saved my life,
but the life of so many others,
Steven.
You were there for us
on that horrible day.
And you are now.
Finally, God, we
ask that you help
us to see the evil
in our midst, wolves
disguised in sheep's clothing,
infiltrating flocks around--
Yes.
Please, God, help protect
us from the wolves.
And now let's take a
moment of silent prayer.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Hey, James, call me so we can
discuss the plan for tonight.
Remember that?
Anyways, look, I'm
jogging behind the church.
I can meet you at headquarters.
Just remember, tonight is
our most important mission.
Tonight we take
down Steven Cooper.
Well, hello there.
I think
we are free to talk now.
So tell me, why
would you run away?
I just felt like maybe we
were going a little too far.
The violence and the
attacks on the church.
Do you remember what
the church did to you?
I lost my job at the seminary.
They excommunicated
you when they found out
that you were gay.
Yes.
And this is the type of church
that you want to defend.
I don't discriminate
against my disciples.
We embraced you.
Remember how the men
embraced you when
I brought you to the Dungeon?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
I want you to kill whoever
is behind that rock.
Let me give you drink first to
remind you who you really are.
Now.
Dos svidaniya!
Hey, man.
Are you OK?
Are you bleeding?
Hey!
What-- what the
fuck are you doing?
It's the Master.
Get off me!
Sir, help me!
Hey!
Agh!
Ugh.
Do you have any idea
who you're fucking with?
Do you?
Oh, shit.
It's you.
You're Michael
from St. Anthony's.
I remember you.
You're one of those
vampire hunters.
No, don't call the police.
You OK?
Ung.
Yeah.
You saved my life.
You're welcome.
Sir, are you really one
of those vampire hunters
I heard about in the news?
Yes.
And we have to go.
The man that sent
this guy to kill you,
he's going to send more people.
So come with me.
Please.
Elliot, listen.
A girl just found out
I'm a vampire hunter.
She saw my face.
I lied to her so she
wouldn't tell anyone.
I said, the man who sent
this guy to kill you,
he's going to send more
people, so come with.
Please It was bad.
It sounded like shit.
I don't know.
I'm going to keep
lying to her, I guess,
until I figure something out.
OK?
All right.
Talk to you later.
Hey, Mark, listen.
A girl just found out
I'm a vampire hunter.
Hello, vampire hunter.
Hello?
Mark.
Mark is unavailable
right now, but I'll
be sure to give him the message.
Shit.
Oh, my God.
Blood?
Wait in the car, OK?
I'll be there in just a second.
I promise.
James, where are you?
Mark is dead.
They've killed you,
too, haven't they?
What-- what are we do--
Take me home.
I thought you were
going to take me home.
Hey, hey, hey.
It's OK.
It's OK.
Relax, all right?
Please.
This is very
important to me, OK?
Don't go anywhere.
God, please send
someone, something.
Listen, I want to help.
That's very sweet of you,
but I can't let you help me.
You're just a kid.
I know it's dangerous,
but I won't, I don't know,
be jumping in front of
bullets for you or anything,
but I want to help.
Something behind the scenes.
Whatever I can do, I--
The best way you can help--
You saved my life.
--me right now is go
sit safely in the car.
Please.
Didn't you just ask God
for someone to help you?
I'm here.
I'm an atheist, but if I were
you, I'd take that as a sign.
OK.
We got a lot of things to
talk about in the car, OK?
OK.
Steven Cooper?
He's holding an
annual fundraiser
tonight for the shooting that he
caused at my church a year ago,
and I have to be there.
How can you even stand to
be in the same room as him?
Penance.
So what do you want me to do?
I need you to steal his laptop.
His laptop?
Yeah.
His laptop, while
he's distracted,
is going to be the
only thing that
has incriminating
evidence on him that's
going to hold up in court.
So if you can get
it, we can nail him.
"Thessalonians 2:4
says the man of sin
shall sit in the house of God.
Michael!
Steven.
It's so good to see you, man.
You, too.
My eyes are deceiving me.
Michael Collins, seminary
student, celibate,
brings himself a date to dinner?
Oh, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
She's my sister, Vivian.
Oh.
This is our associate
pastor, Steven Cooper.
Sister.
Nice to meet you.
So nice to meet
you, too, Vivian.
I don't remember you mentioning
a sister before, Michael.
Yeah, I talked about it.
Are you adopted, Viv?
You don't bear much
resemblance to Michael.
Um--
Yeah, she is, but--
Oh, yeah, sorry about that.
Yeah.
We did bring you some red wine.
Thought you might like that.
Thank you so much.
I love red.
Of course.
Yeah, I figured you might.
Can we come inside and listen
to some of the other guests?
Please, come on in.
Welcome to my humble abode.
Love what you've
done with the place.
Here, let me take your coats.
Yeah.
Where, uh-- where
is everybody else?
Everybody else?
Well, the party goers, it
said on your invitation
that the party started at 6:00.
Oh.
So that's why you
guys are here early.
But you guys are--
oh, shoot, I must have given
you the wrong invitation.
I had an invitation
that said 6:00.
I thought I'd
thrown that one out.
It was a typo.
Oh.
I must have sent it to you.
Everyone else is coming at 7:00.
That's why you guys are here.
I'm so sorry about that.
We were afraid we were going
to be fashionably late.
Well, still fashionable,
but definitely very early.
But it's OK.
It'll give us a chance to
catch up a little, right?
Yeah.
You know what, though?
Vivian said she needed
to use the bathroom,
so we could just go do that--
Oh, no I don't.
I'm fine.
No, it's OK.
You said in the car that coffee
just runs right through you.
Don't be-- don't be embarrassed.
Everybody has to go sometime.
They do.
Everyone does have
to go sometime.
I mean, I can show you
where the bathroom--
Oh, Steven, it's OK.
You have a whole
house to set up.
Let me-- let me show her
where the bathroom is.
I know where it's at.
It's fine.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll talk soon.
Mhm.
What's going on?
It's a setup.
What?
I don't even think the
other guests are coming.
He invited us here
early so he can kill us.
I need you to go through this
guestroom out that window.
There's our car, OK?
I need you to get out of here.
Wait.
Maybe he just made a
mistake on the invitation.
Yeah, maybe he did.
And maybe he's just
waiting to bury our bodies
before everybody
shows up, all right?
Look, if he wants to have
a showdown, that's fine,
but I can't have you here.
I can't have him
hurt anybody else.
I can't have him hurt you.
You saved my life.
Look, I appreciate that, but
I signed up for this, OK?
If you really want to help
me, you're going to to my car
and you're going to
call for help, OK?
OK.
Thank you for everything.
Now go.
The window.
Hi!
Hi.
Sorry about that.
She just-- she's really sick.
She needed to lie down.
She's getting faint, you know?
Oh, jeez.
Can I get her some water?
No.
You know what?
She just needs to take a rest.
That's totally fine.
Oh.
OK.
Yeah, well, hey,
how about till then,
why don't we have some of
that wine that you brought?
Yeah, that sounds great.
I actually poured
us a couple glasses.
Oh, you did?
Looks like it'll
be some good wine.
Yeah, it should be good.
So uh, what did you
want to talk about?
You know, I actually
wanted to cheers first.
Cheers first.
Very good.
Mhm.
Here.
Have a seat.
I've actually been thinking of
incorporating the Acts of Peter
as a little bit more inspiration
for me in my sermons.
Father Bartholomew taught me
all about the Acts of Peter.
Remember him?
Of course I remember him.
It was so tragic
what happened to him.
Mhm.
I'm sure God will find a way
to exact His revenge somehow.
I'm sure He will.
Do you own a dog?
A dog?
Do you own a dog?
Because of the little
bed right there?
That's-- no, no, no.
Remember the Deacon Richard?
He and his wife
and their family,
they moved out of the
house, and you know,
they went on that mission trip.
They left a lot of their stuff.
I'm still clearing it out.
Kind of embarrassing.
So anyway, you remember, then,
in the Acts of Peter Simon
the Sorcerer, right?
Simon was using all of his
sorcery to lure Christians away
to follow a false religion.
And Peter hated his
deception so much
and shared a contest
with Simon, a contest
in front of a lot
of people, to prove
whose powers were truly
divine and whose were sorcery.
Did you hear about that?
Of course.
Did you hear about how Simon
levitated above the ground?
And then Peter prayed
to God that Simon
would be struck down to prove
to everyone that he was a fake?
That's interesting, right?
That he'd prayed to God
to strike a man down.
Does that sound very Christian?
Well, sometimes good people
have to do bad things
when they're fighting evil.
That is true.
And maybe there is where the
line between God's disciples
and the forces of evil
becomes a lot less clear,
don't you think?
You know what, Steven?
From where I'm sitting, our
lines are pretty fucking clear.
You do know I'm going to
kill you tonight, right?
You think so?
Yeah, I know so.
And your, um, "sister," too.
Not if I kill you first.
Agh.
You
are out of your league.
B-positive blood.
Ironic, isn't it, Michael?
Not much to be positive
about now, is there?
You know what's ironic, Steven?
You.
You're sipping my blood
out of a wine glass.
What, have you
forgotten how to use
those good old-fashioned
fangs of yours?
Or no.
You've been playing at that
classy, respectable act
so long, you've forgotten
what you really are deep
down inside, haven't you?
Oh, that's OK, because
deep down, you know.
Deep down, we all know
what you really are.
You're just a fucking freak.
Pathetic.
I have hard times, Michael.
I have a little home video
I've prepared for us.
Let's watch.
You are-- were a
vampire hunter, yes?
James.
Vampire hunters are
Christian hypocrites.
No.
The vampire hunters
are just soldiers.
They have to pick up the
sword of God's spirit
to defeat Satan's evil.
Funny you should mention
sword, because that
is what we may use on you.
The draining of your blood.
No!
Unless, of course, negotiations
can be made for my people's
rights.
They'll never
negotiate with you!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Conversation is over.
You were rude to me.
What?
You interrupted me.
Get him out of my sight!
What?
Feed from him!
Feed from him.
Oh, no!
No!
Get up.
Turn around and
face me, Michael.
You give me one good reason I
shouldn't kill you right now.
I'll give you two, actually.
One, James is still alive.
And two, I'm going
to kill you first.
They're gone, Steven.
Vivian, don't.
Tell me where James is now!
You really convinced
me, Michael.
Tell me where the innocent
churchgoers are now.
Ask nicely.
You don't understand.
This is me asking nicely.
What?
You're going to shoot me when
the guests are at the door?
They'll see you killing their
beloved associate pastor?
Come on, Michael.
Let's prepare for the guests.
We can finish the
exciting stuff later.
Come on.
Put it away.
Shit.
Ow!
Ow!
Gentle.
Hey!
Steven, hello!
Everyone!
Hi, buddy.
Aw, it's great to see you.
Great to see you.
Michael!
Oh, you know it's always
a pleasure..
This is my sister, Vivian.
Thank you for being here.
It's so nice to meet you.
Good to see you.
Oh, another.
Floyd, good to see you.
Oh, you guys have met?
Yeah.
This is my sister.
His sister, Vivian.
I've been sick all weekend.
I've actually taken a tumble
down the stairs yesterday.
That's why--
Looks like you were in the
back seat of a car and someone
dog ran across--
Yeah, right.
No, it was bad.
Actually, that's why
Vivian came down.
To take care of me.
She dressed me up tonight
and got me looking good,
but I am officially
so under the weather.
Great sister.
Wow.
So I've actually--
She's just as sweet as
you are looking right now.
I know I missed the last
potluck, but I feel like--
Yeah, Michael.
He's been a little MIA lately.
I know.
I know.
I think I should take
off till I get some rest.
Oh, no, no, no.
I think--
--breathing--
I really think you should stay.
I mean, this is really
important tonight.
Well, I wouldn't want to--
Steven.
Vivian, please
take the man home.
Obviously, he's
not feeling well.
We should go.
Come on, Steven.
We want to have a nice party.
Right.
We don't want to get
sick all over the place.
It was an honor to see you guys.
And I'll see you at
the next potluck.
It was nice to meet you, Vivian.
Floyd, good to see you.
Travel safe tonight.
Yes, thank you.
Put some ice on that nose
to save your..
Have a safe night.
OK.
OK?
Bye, you guys.
See you next--
Step on it, Jeeves.
Well, that's just terrible, poor
guy, what he's going through.
Well, let the fun
night begin, everyone.
Yeah.
Appetizers right this way.
All right, Steven.
I'm starving.
This is wonderful.
I can't believe you
got Steven's laptop.
Why would a criminal
mastermind leave a paper trail
on his laptop?
He's getting sloppy.
Why is he getting sloppy
all of the sudden?
His followers believe
he's centuries old,
the last true vampire.
I mean, they believe,
after centuries of life,
he's finally suffering
from dementia.
But of course, that's absurd.
They think of themselves
as untouchable.
And that's when they
start to make mistakes.
They don't realize that they're
even capable of mistakes.
Email.
"Master, I've lost my way.
I don't know how to get home.
Please pick me up.
I'm headed to the refuge."
I know where this guy is.
And he knows where the other
Christians are being held.
I'm going to make him give me
the location of the Dungeon.
Why would Steven be calling?
To deliver another
villainous monologue.
I'm not going to get
him the satisfaction.
Are you screening my calls?
Call me.
What's wrong, sir?
What makes you think
something's wrong?
I saw you with the guest, and
you look a bit out of sorts.
You don't think any of
them are onto me, do you?
No.
Don't worry.
You put on quite a show.
I just know you.
That you do, Miss Blank.
Michael got away.
Why not just send
someone to kill him?
I can do it, if you don't mind
serving the guest for a while.
No one can kill him but me.
Do you understand?
It needs to be at my
hands and nobody else's.
You really are getting
crazier lately.
What did you say?
Please don't cut me again.
You will unleash the Destroyer.
Tell him to bring
me Michael alive.
He's a psycho you found on
the streets with rabies.
You'd be surprised how much
rabies patients and vampires
of folklore have in common.
Sensitivity to light,
extreme aggression,
and a highly infectious bite.
The disease of
madness, some say.
Master says the vampire hunter
is probably at the refuge
right now to interrogate Johnny.
You need to go there now.
But remember, do
not kill Michael.
The Master wants
Michael for himself.
I can't believe he
chose you over me.
I didn't sign up to be some
server just serving at all
these damn dinner parties.
So don't fuck this
up because if you do,
the Master will have
your head for it.
And with any luck,
maybe he'll find
you capable of performing
the decapitation.
Wait.
Michael, let's hear him out.
He might be telling the truth.
You do know he's the one that
went all Nosferatu on you
in the canyon, right?
Hey, I was just
following orders.
Yeah, I heard your orders.
I also heard your boss say
he took you to the Dungeon.
Now, spill it.
I didn't look back and
see the surroundings.
Why wouldn't you look back?
Have you seen the fucked up
shit that goes on in there?
If you want information,
go to the corner of 5th
and Market Street, Club
V, the vampire club.
You and your pals were
there a while back,
and so you gotta go undercover.
Sheriff is right down that way,
so just bring this into them
and tell them why
you're here, OK?
OK.
Good luck.
Thanks.
I told you to get out of
here before I change my mind!
Where is
the vampire hunter?
Where is he?
Where--
I'm one of you!
I'm one of you!
I'm one of you!
I work for you guys.
I work for the Master.
Master says you're a f--
fuck-up!
Fuck-up!
Fuck-up!
Fuck him, then!
I'm not telling you nothing!
No!
No!
No!
No!
What?
Can I freshen any
of your drinks?
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
Thank you.
Great.
You-- you got-- you good?
Yeah, I got it.
Thanks, guys.
Yeah.
You sure?
, Steven.
Thank you.
I will come right
back for you guys.
Sorry.
OK.
That's wonderful.
Take your time, Steven.
Thanks, Father Otto.
But not too much time.
You don't want to
hold up dinner.
Floyd!
Oh, Floyd.
Oh, man.
I'll be right back,
all right, guys?
You have 12 unheard messages.
Quit screening my fucking calls.
Jesus!
Listen, I hoped I
wouldn't have to resort
to blackmail to stop you
from turning in my laptop,
but you forced my hand.
Does this sound
familiar to Michael?
You lunatic!
You opened fire on dozens
of unarmed civilians
in a fucking dance club!
You're a fucking psychopath.
I love it!
I'm playing the video again.
I'm playing it again.
So good.
You are so going down.
Michael, what are you doing?
Shh!
What are you doing here?
I can't show the
evidence to the police.
What are you talking about?
Because the police are corrupt.
I just found out that Steven
has them in his pocket.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
You're not safe here, OK?
You're only safe with me.
Come on.
with you.
Master!
Did you finally get him?
I think.
I want Michael's head to be
filled with Christian love
and hope.
Yeah.
Yeah.
OK.
OK, yeah.
Well, you take care, Richard.
You're here with us in spirit.
Don't worry about it.
OK.
He's good.
Bye.
Sorry about that, guys.
Sorry.
That was Richard.
Oh.
We were just--
That's--
We were just talking.
You know, he was
calling from the mission
trip and everything.
That's totally--
Wonderful.
--fine.
I-- Sounds like Richard's
doing a great work.
Yeah.
Yes, absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's-- he's humbled by all
the things he's been able to do
for those kids in Darfur.
Oh.
Um, I thought it was Uganda.
Yeah, didn't you say Uganda?
I thought so, also.
Did I hear that wrong?
Y-- yeah!
Uganda, of course.
Oh!
OK.
That's what I meant.
The wine must be getting to me.
Speaking of wine--
I've never seen Steven
drink this much.
--I thought you were going
to freshen up our drinks.
Oh, yes.
It-- it's OK.
We--
No.
We can get our own.
That's fine.
That's-- it's fine.
Actually, I've been
chilling all of your drinks.
Thank you so much.
Except-- yeah.
Yeah.
All the drinks are chilling
except for you guys,
so I'm going to go
get those for you, OK?
OK.
Thank you.
Is that OK, Floyd?
Thank--
OK.
It's fine.
It's fine with me.
Thanks.
That was weird.
I--
Was it actually--
Well, if you'll
excuse me, I think
I'd better go talk to Steven.
I think you better
do that, Father.
Great.
That's a good idea.
I know this really
isn't your scene,
but you have to try to blend in.
Wait in the car, all right?
Wait in the car?
I shouldn't have brought you
in here in the first place.
It was too dangerous.
I can't--
It's not a big deal.
I can stay.
I can't.
I can't do it.
If something were
to happen to you--
You what?
This is too dangerous.
Just please wait in the car.
Fine.
Mother, are you
watching me right now?
Looking over me from heaven?
Because I need your help.
I keep dreaming of you,
Mother, and in my dream,
you keep telling me not
to attack the church.
But why not?
Wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What's wrong, baby?
Look, Buzz, I actually
work for the Master.
He told me I was take these
guys to the Dungeon early
and he forgot to
tell me the address.
So just give me the address
and I'll take them, yeah?
First you gotta prove you
are who you say you are.
What are you doing?
You're not gonna shoot me, Buzz.
What side are you on?
Agh!
Tell me where the
fucking Dungeon is.
The Masters says
dead is nothing.
Yeah?
Hey.
You want me to shoot her, too?
I miss you, Mama.
You died protecting me
from the Christians.
The Christians that you
said would accept me.
You told me we are
all God's children.
She just helped save
one of your people.
And yet, your last words
were, forgive them.
Father Bartholomew, what are--
I knew there was something
off about you, Steven.
What are you talking about?
I had a camera set
up in your office.
The Dungeon is Steven's garage.
Now let her go.
Shh!
The guests are trying
to enjoy their desserts.
Fucking hiding in plain sight.
Hey, are you OK?
No, wait.
Why the fuck has
anyone done that?
No!
No!
Michael!
Michael!
No!
No!
Giving up so soon, Timmy?
Come on.
I'm not Timmy!
No!
No!
No!
No!
I will not erase this video
because it's a reminder of how
compassion makes me weak.
I'm sorry.
Hey, has anybody
seen Father Otto?
No.
Oh, he had to go.
He-- he was feeling-- he
was looking a little pale.
Awful.
OK.
Is he all right?
Oh, he'll be fine.
He'll-- you know,
he's in peace now.
He's doing all right.
He's fine.
Awful.
Seems a lot of people have
been getting sick lately.
Mhm.
What are you, um--
what are you implying, Floyd?
Just trying to say it's
obvious that people
are getting sick and--
Mhm?
It's just everyone seems
to be getting this flu bug.
And it's keeping people down.
It is keeping
people down, Floyd.
It can kill people.
So we should probably not talk
about it while we're eating.
OK.
Good.
We should change subjects here.
I hear that there's going
to be a full moon tonight.
Oh, really?
I love full moons.
Steven.
You, uh-- you forgot to close
the garage door on the side.
No, I didn't.
You did.
And do you the key
so I can go lock it?
Are you serious?
I really-- I really
forgot to close the side?
Really, Miss Blank?
Uh, let me check here.
Goddamn it.
I don't have the key.
I don't have the key.
I don't know where I left it.
Well, Jesus Christ, just
lock it from the inside.
It's not that simple, Floyd.
I'm bored with this.
I'm going to go try to find it.
I should probably go
help her, you guys.
Sorry.
It's outside.
I-- I don't-- I don't
trust, you know.
people can just
get in and attack
if you don't lock it up, right?
Right.
Charles Manson and stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
OK.
Yeah.
I'll be right back.
Sorry.
Right.
OK.
That's kind of, um--
Very interesting.
We cannot have anyone getting
inside the garage, understand?
Or getting out, like her.
Help!
Help!
It's OK.
Help!
Put her with the others.
Vivian!
What are you doing?
Let's go.
I heard Steven's voicemail.
Are you trying to hide
the fact that you killed
all those innocent people?
Vampires.
People.
That did nothing wrong
except be at the wrong place
at the wrong time.
It was an accident.
And one that you
tried to cover up.
I'm sorry I lied to you.
Take my car.
Go to the police station.
You give them Steven's
laptop and you expose
him like I should have done.
If my sins are exposed along
with Steven's, so be it.
Even though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil.
Come on, Michael.
Come on.
Come on.
Pick up.
Pick up.
Pick up.
Michael.
Michael, I gave the
laptop to the police.
It'll take a while before
they can get the arrest
warrant for Steven,
but look, I know
you're not going
to wait for them,
but will you please wait for me?
I'm coming now.
Don't go in alone.
Is it another escapee
from the Dungeon?
Escapee?
No, I work for Steven.
The Master.
I'm on-- I'm on your team.
Michael?
What?
Whoa!
Listen, lady.
I don't want to have to use
this, but I will, all right?
What a gentleman.
Agh.
I win.
We pray for compassion for
them, as Christ taught us to do,
and for those that
have harmed us,
that they be forgiven, for they
know not what they've done.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Doesn't someone
live on 5th Aven--
Don't trust them.
Michael, don't save us.
James.
James.
Please don't hurt me.
Please don't make me hurt
them anymore, either.
I-- I never wanted
to hurt anyone.
Kill them all.
Kill them all.
Kill them all.
Miss Blank!
The guests are waiting
for their desserts.
Sorry.
Good help is so hard
to find these days.
I'll get your desserts.
Oh.
I'll get it.
Hello, sir.
I know it's a tad bit
late, but have you
been saved by the Lord,
Jesus Christ, yet?
Let me think about that.
Come out here.
Let's talk about it.
James.
James!
So it's getting--
Listen.
I can't understand--
This guy's totally,
totally gone, no telling.
He's all skittish
and everything.
And apparently, he can't
get the chandelier to work.
Really?
I mean, what's the
deal with??
This is really weird.
It's very strange.
I don't understand.
It's getting really weird.
Father Otto just disappeared.
Let's just go, you guys.
I'm going to get
my purse and go.
Hey, guys.
Sorry about that.
Bible salesman.
You can never have
too many, though,
right, as an
associate pastor, so.
Oh, my God!
This isn't what it looks like.
Steven!
Shut up!
Everyone, just shut up.
All of you, silence!
I suppose I
cannot keep this from you any
longer.
It's a shame.
I really have enjoyed being
associate pastor Steven
Cooper, respected citizen.
I am the vampire, Mastermind.
What?
Are you laughing?
Floyd, are you laughing?
This is not a joke.
I'm laughing at you.
Some Mastermind.
You can't even hold together
a simple dinner party.
Ah, respected citizen.
We never respected you.
We don't even like you.
You're pathetic!
You're a freak.
Come on.
Just don't stand there.
Let's go!
James, you're safe.
James.
Get the fuck out of my face!
James, it's me!
James, what did they do to you?
The Master, he
helped me realize.
The Master?
No.
No, no, no.
The Destroyer infected
you with rabies.
Steven brainwashed you.
I'm a monster.
Just like them.
No.
None of us are monsters.
Michael?
James.
James!
Steve, you twisted
son of a bitch!
You think you found the Dungeon?
There are hundreds of Dungeons.
Torture rooms for Christians
hiding across the country.
You'll never find all of them.
Meet me inside soon.
I'm just saying my
goodbyes to the guests.
All the shit we did
was for nothing!
That's not true!
Vampire hunter, if you
want to get to the Master,
you gotta go through me first.
And her.
Please, I never
meant to hurt anyone.
Please have mercy on me.
Can you kill an innocent
to get to the Master?
None will stand in the
way of God's will again.
You did exactly what
the Master wanted.
You proved you were a monster.
Just like him.
Bitch!
For giving into fornication
and going after strange flesh,
thou shall be an example,
suffering the eternal vengeance
of eternal fire.
I just want to go home!
Shh.
To do righteousness and
justice is far more acceptable
to the Lord than to sacrifice.
Michael, what are you doing?
Oh!
Vivian.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
I failed.
Vampire hunter!
I am gonna bring
Michael to the Master!
I'm gonna bring
Michael to Master.
I'm gonna bring
Michael to the Master.
Ow!
I'll take Michael to Master.
Clean it up.
And grab an arm.
Michael, come right this way.
You don't look well.
Let me get you some water.
Maybe some coffee.
You're probably tired.
I cleaned this
place up so we could
have our final, epic
battle here before--
Sir, he's dead.
What?
No, no, no.
He's--
Michael's dead, but
I brought him here
so you can claim your prize.
What good is a
prize, Miss Blank,
if you have to get it from
the fucking prize store?
Goddamn it!
So is this the great
angel, Michael?
This is what it
all comes down to?
What should I do with the girl?
What?
Oh.
Kill her.
Whatever.
I don't care.
No.
Steven, there's good inside you.
Please don't let her do this.
I saw that there's
good inside you.
Good inside me?
Put her in the Dungeon.
No.
No, please.
No, please.
He let him live.
No, I'm really not.
Vivian.
You can thank Michael for
finding this handy little rope
earlier.
Now I can use it on you.
No!
How will society react
when they find out
that their associate pastor was
really the vampire Mastermind
all along?
It's better, isn't
it, Miss Blank?
The Christian church has been
turning people away from it
for years.
Christians will
protest funerals.
Anti-abortionists
who resort to murder.
Politicians who see no line
between church and state.
I'm just giving
society the little push
it needs to turn them into
an anti-Christian frenzy!
The genocides will
be unstoppable.
Genocide?
World history is made when
the minority in number
represents the majority
of will and determination.
Eventually, every last
crucifix will be paid in blood.
And it sure as hell
won't be Christ.
Miss Blank, let's
indoctrinate the girl.
No!
No!
Miss Blank.
Natalie.
I wanted to say thank you
for everything tonight.
You were the calm water
to my raging fire.
The one person who stood by me,
with all of the craziness and I
wanted to thank you.
It's my honor, Master.
Stupid bitch.
Stupid, stupid, stupid bitch.
Why did you make me do that?
I didn't want to do that to you.
But you were against
my plans for genocide.
I'm sorry, Master.
You're still here.
I put some drugs in the
blood that I just fed you.
The side effects may
include hallucinations.
But rest assured, most of
the horrors you see down here
are quite real.
Welcome to the Dungeon.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
I untied you.
And the white dress
that you're wearing,
it belonged to one of the
many who were killed here.
I clothed you in it to remind
you what you're fighting for--
the Christians and the vampires
who no longer want you.
That key?
Miss Blank dropped the key
when the Master killed her.
You need to take the
key and open the door.
You're fighting for innocence.
I'm dreaming.
No one can stop us.
No!
Oh, no!
Oh, God!
Oh, no.
Hey, remember us?
Michael's victims.
Do you think, deep
down, God hates you?
Do you think, deep down, your
religious family hates you,
for being an atheist?
Oh, they love me.
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Please forgive him.
Please forgive him.
Please-- please forgive him.
And yet, your last words
were, forgive them.
Hey, are-- are you OK?
You want to come with me?
Don't you understand, Vivian?
There's nothing left to say.
No!
This is the
only thing that will kill me.
Pierce through my heart, Vivian.
Do it.
Do it!
Members of the congregation,
if I cannot prove a lover,
I am determined to
prove a villain.
Bloody, thou art.
Blood will be thy end.
Stupid cunt.
He watched you, freak!
Free!
No!
No!
Ow.
you doing fucking
you doing?
Get up!
You come into my home?
You bitch!
You tried to stop me?
There is no stopping
me, fucking..
You bitch!
You interfered!
Huh?
You're not a monster.
You think you can
appeal to my soul.
I don't have one.
What, Mother?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Well, well, we-- wha-- what?
Why?
After everything I did to you.
Answer me, goddamn it!
I forgive.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry.
All of you.
Shoot me.
Just do it.
Just do it!
Shoot me!
No.
No!
Fuck!
Fucking thing.
Good morning, everyone.
Morning.
Good morning.
This is quite a crowd today
for a weekday service.
Is that something to do with
your recruiting, Steven?
I do what I can.
Associate Pastor
Steven Cooper would
like to make some announcements
before we start the service.
Good morning, everyone.
Good morning.
As Father Otto said, a bit of
a crowd for a weekday mass.
Maybe that's 'cause
preseason football is
starting on Sunday, right?
So anyway, onto
our announcements.
Church of St. Anthony's is going
to be working in collaboration
with other Christian
churches in order
to help the unfortunate victims,
the Christian victims who
were part of the protest
a few weeks ago--
So on behalf of those victims,
St. Anthony's thank you
for your donation.
Typically, Father Bartholomew
would be holding this charity,
but he has not been
feeling that well.
But not to worry.
He will be feeling better soon.
You.
You in the back there.
I'm going to ask you to leave.
Of course.
That's what Christians do
to those that are different.
Johnny?
Johnny, is that you?
The new me.
After you and Father
Bartholomew cast me out.
This is not the
appropriate time--
Go to hell!
I'm sorry, but you preach
about love and acceptance,
and you judged me.
Cast me out for
doing nothing wrong.
And then when I found a group of
people who accepted me as I am,
you exiled them from town
just like you exiled me
from the church.
Well, it's like our
leader, the Master,
says, a purge for a purge.
You couldn't remember to
get gas after the movies
last night, huh?
Not a great way to
start your first day
as a clergyman, buddy.
I'm pretty sure this
whole carpool thing is not
going to be a great idea.
If anything, a
carpool..
Father?
Get over to the
church right away.
Yeah, I'm here.
Paul.
Paul.
What?
They're here.
The name of the Father and
Son and the Holy Spirit.
Don't kill him.
Don't kill him.
Paul-- Paul and Johnny
are here, Father.
Paul and John--
Paul and Johnny--
Finally.
Guys, help Father Otto.
I'm going to stay here.
I'm going to make sure there's
no other survivors that
need my help.
Steve is in there with that man.
Go help him out.
But Father--
Go help him now!
What's wrong, Johnny?
Sir, look at what we did.
What you did here
is for our people.
I'm proud of you, Johnny.
I am honored, Master.
You're a great actor.
You had them all fooled.
Good work.
My church.
Steven, what's going on?
The-- the shooter, he got away.
You let him go, Steven.
We saw you did.
Oh.
Well, that's too bad.
Now I have to kill
you two, as well.
Is the cross weakening him?
It couldn't hurt to try.
We can't kill a priest.
Let's just leave him
here with the cops.
They're take care of him.
Brother Bartholomew!
You thought the
cross weakened me?
You've seen too
many vampire movies.
Even though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for
you are with me.
Your rod and Your
staff, they comfort me.
Hm.
Forgot your fangs.
Nah.
They're just cheesy.
Except the Master's.
'Cause the Master's
fangs are real.
They're retractable.
Didn't you hear the
story about that guy
that tried to yank the Master's
fangs out of his mouth?
Found they were
lodged in his gums.
Shit.
Yeah.
See, the Master,
he's the real deal.
A true vampire.
You really believe that?
According to urban myth,
he's centuries old.
That's why he talks so weird.
He's traveled the
world for years,
picking up different accents.
He's a true immortal.
If that's true, then how come
he doesn't make us immortals?
We have to prove
ourselves first.
Starting with you.
We're going to deliver
what's left of you to him.
Untie the girl now.
You should've worn a mask, hero.
I never forget a face.
Normally you'd be
right, see, but I
don't need to wear a
mask for this mission.
What do you mean?
Because none of you are
getting out of here alive.
Let her down slowly.
Back away.
Step back.
Go in peace.
Serve the Lord.
I am the vengeance of the Lord
and the vengeance of His temp--
Shit!
Michael, look out!
You're going to blow your cover.
I was trying to help.
I don't need your help.
Vampire hunter!
Get out of my club!
This is a mess.
That was really risky.
Fancy seeing you
here, vampire hunter.
Don't worry.
After tonight, you're
not going to see me again
because I'm going to
take your other eyeball.
You OK, man?
Thanks.
Fuck.
We gotta get we gotta
get out of here.
The cops are on their way.
My cover's blown, Michael.
I told you to wait
until Mark got here.
I know things got crazy.
I'm sorry.
My fucking cover's blown!
All right!
Look on the bright side.
You won't have to wear this
stupid bandana anymore.
Michael, you know this
is fucking serious, man.
I am being serious.
There was a hostage in there.
Where were you?
We were outnumbered
10 to 1 in there.
What have you been up to?
Sorry, man.
I was over on 12th with
the Girls Fang Gang.
And then I was over on 6th
with the Nosferatu Vagrants.
Where's everybody else?
Look, they're out of
town on assignment.
I join them next week,
and that leaves you three.
What?
Cool.
So this has just been
practice for being outnumbered
for the rest of the week.
You know we're getting
picked off one by one, right?
Hey, look, if you were nervous,
I didn't need your help back
in there.
You could've just stood around.
Really, Michael?
Who's got police training and
who's the seminary student?
Who founded the
group that you're
in because the police
weren't doing anything?
The church knew what
these freaks could do
and the church started
doing something about it,
and the police thought
we were being paranoid.
Sorry if I don't trust
your police training.
Did you guys see the news today?
What?
What?
Not yet.
You need to watch it, 'cause it
will remind you why we do this.
Come on.
Follow me to my car.
I'll show you what
I'm talking about.
Sensitive viewers,
please be aware.
The image is disturbing.
Welcome to the Dungeon,
where we keep the rest
of your Christian brethren.
You are here because you
voted with the church
to take away our rights.
Well, you know what
happens when you take away
our religious freedom?
We take away yours!
Unless, of course,
you would like
to renounce your
Christian faith.
Go to hell.
We're already there.
I don't know what's
more sickening,
the fact that he can get
off torturing these people,
or the fact that he's pretending
to be an associate pastor
at my church.
And no one else is onto him.
Just me.
He knows, though.
God.
And he hasn't come after
me because he likes
playing these little games.
Why don't we just--
We can't.
He's too high profile.
I've heard he can't
be killed, anyway.
Enough with this nonsense.
Vampires in real life are
freaks with fake fangs
who watch too many vampire
movies, even this guy.
The reason we can't kill
Associate Pastor Stephen Cooper
is because then we will
become criminals on the run.
So somehow, we have to expose
him for who he really is.
Then we can nail
him to the wall,
for our sake and
everybody else's.
And we thank you, God, for
gathering us all here today
in group prayer for your church.
And for all of your people,
all of the Christians
that are being held
hostage by the vampires.
Please, please, God.
Please watch over them.
And their families.
Yes.
They must be in such a
profound state of suffering.
Give them strength in their
suffering, the same way
that you gave your only
son, Jesus Christ, strength
when he was on the cross.
And give us strength to
defeat these freaks that
have caused us so much pain.
Freaks.
Yes.
Please, uh-- please help us
to do this as a community,
rather than relying on the
vampire hunters, a group
of vigilantes who has taken
the law into their own hands
and has tarnished the reputation
of the church by their methods.
Yes, help us find other
ways, God, please.
Steven's foundation.
Yes, such a great cause.
You've not only saved my life,
but the life of so many others,
Steven.
You were there for us
on that horrible day.
And you are now.
Finally, God, we
ask that you help
us to see the evil
in our midst, wolves
disguised in sheep's clothing,
infiltrating flocks around--
Yes.
Please, God, help protect
us from the wolves.
And now let's take a
moment of silent prayer.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Hey, James, call me so we can
discuss the plan for tonight.
Remember that?
Anyways, look, I'm
jogging behind the church.
I can meet you at headquarters.
Just remember, tonight is
our most important mission.
Tonight we take
down Steven Cooper.
Well, hello there.
I think
we are free to talk now.
So tell me, why
would you run away?
I just felt like maybe we
were going a little too far.
The violence and the
attacks on the church.
Do you remember what
the church did to you?
I lost my job at the seminary.
They excommunicated
you when they found out
that you were gay.
Yes.
And this is the type of church
that you want to defend.
I don't discriminate
against my disciples.
We embraced you.
Remember how the men
embraced you when
I brought you to the Dungeon?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
I want you to kill whoever
is behind that rock.
Let me give you drink first to
remind you who you really are.
Now.
Dos svidaniya!
Hey, man.
Are you OK?
Are you bleeding?
Hey!
What-- what the
fuck are you doing?
It's the Master.
Get off me!
Sir, help me!
Hey!
Agh!
Ugh.
Do you have any idea
who you're fucking with?
Do you?
Oh, shit.
It's you.
You're Michael
from St. Anthony's.
I remember you.
You're one of those
vampire hunters.
No, don't call the police.
You OK?
Ung.
Yeah.
You saved my life.
You're welcome.
Sir, are you really one
of those vampire hunters
I heard about in the news?
Yes.
And we have to go.
The man that sent
this guy to kill you,
he's going to send more people.
So come with me.
Please.
Elliot, listen.
A girl just found out
I'm a vampire hunter.
She saw my face.
I lied to her so she
wouldn't tell anyone.
I said, the man who sent
this guy to kill you,
he's going to send more
people, so come with.
Please It was bad.
It sounded like shit.
I don't know.
I'm going to keep
lying to her, I guess,
until I figure something out.
OK?
All right.
Talk to you later.
Hey, Mark, listen.
A girl just found out
I'm a vampire hunter.
Hello, vampire hunter.
Hello?
Mark.
Mark is unavailable
right now, but I'll
be sure to give him the message.
Shit.
Oh, my God.
Blood?
Wait in the car, OK?
I'll be there in just a second.
I promise.
James, where are you?
Mark is dead.
They've killed you,
too, haven't they?
What-- what are we do--
Take me home.
I thought you were
going to take me home.
Hey, hey, hey.
It's OK.
It's OK.
Relax, all right?
Please.
This is very
important to me, OK?
Don't go anywhere.
God, please send
someone, something.
Listen, I want to help.
That's very sweet of you,
but I can't let you help me.
You're just a kid.
I know it's dangerous,
but I won't, I don't know,
be jumping in front of
bullets for you or anything,
but I want to help.
Something behind the scenes.
Whatever I can do, I--
The best way you can help--
You saved my life.
--me right now is go
sit safely in the car.
Please.
Didn't you just ask God
for someone to help you?
I'm here.
I'm an atheist, but if I were
you, I'd take that as a sign.
OK.
We got a lot of things to
talk about in the car, OK?
OK.
Steven Cooper?
He's holding an
annual fundraiser
tonight for the shooting that he
caused at my church a year ago,
and I have to be there.
How can you even stand to
be in the same room as him?
Penance.
So what do you want me to do?
I need you to steal his laptop.
His laptop?
Yeah.
His laptop, while
he's distracted,
is going to be the
only thing that
has incriminating
evidence on him that's
going to hold up in court.
So if you can get
it, we can nail him.
"Thessalonians 2:4
says the man of sin
shall sit in the house of God.
Michael!
Steven.
It's so good to see you, man.
You, too.
My eyes are deceiving me.
Michael Collins, seminary
student, celibate,
brings himself a date to dinner?
Oh, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
She's my sister, Vivian.
Oh.
This is our associate
pastor, Steven Cooper.
Sister.
Nice to meet you.
So nice to meet
you, too, Vivian.
I don't remember you mentioning
a sister before, Michael.
Yeah, I talked about it.
Are you adopted, Viv?
You don't bear much
resemblance to Michael.
Um--
Yeah, she is, but--
Oh, yeah, sorry about that.
Yeah.
We did bring you some red wine.
Thought you might like that.
Thank you so much.
I love red.
Of course.
Yeah, I figured you might.
Can we come inside and listen
to some of the other guests?
Please, come on in.
Welcome to my humble abode.
Love what you've
done with the place.
Here, let me take your coats.
Yeah.
Where, uh-- where
is everybody else?
Everybody else?
Well, the party goers, it
said on your invitation
that the party started at 6:00.
Oh.
So that's why you
guys are here early.
But you guys are--
oh, shoot, I must have given
you the wrong invitation.
I had an invitation
that said 6:00.
I thought I'd
thrown that one out.
It was a typo.
Oh.
I must have sent it to you.
Everyone else is coming at 7:00.
That's why you guys are here.
I'm so sorry about that.
We were afraid we were going
to be fashionably late.
Well, still fashionable,
but definitely very early.
But it's OK.
It'll give us a chance to
catch up a little, right?
Yeah.
You know what, though?
Vivian said she needed
to use the bathroom,
so we could just go do that--
Oh, no I don't.
I'm fine.
No, it's OK.
You said in the car that coffee
just runs right through you.
Don't be-- don't be embarrassed.
Everybody has to go sometime.
They do.
Everyone does have
to go sometime.
I mean, I can show you
where the bathroom--
Oh, Steven, it's OK.
You have a whole
house to set up.
Let me-- let me show her
where the bathroom is.
I know where it's at.
It's fine.
Yeah, yeah.
We'll talk soon.
Mhm.
What's going on?
It's a setup.
What?
I don't even think the
other guests are coming.
He invited us here
early so he can kill us.
I need you to go through this
guestroom out that window.
There's our car, OK?
I need you to get out of here.
Wait.
Maybe he just made a
mistake on the invitation.
Yeah, maybe he did.
And maybe he's just
waiting to bury our bodies
before everybody
shows up, all right?
Look, if he wants to have
a showdown, that's fine,
but I can't have you here.
I can't have him
hurt anybody else.
I can't have him hurt you.
You saved my life.
Look, I appreciate that, but
I signed up for this, OK?
If you really want to help
me, you're going to to my car
and you're going to
call for help, OK?
OK.
Thank you for everything.
Now go.
The window.
Hi!
Hi.
Sorry about that.
She just-- she's really sick.
She needed to lie down.
She's getting faint, you know?
Oh, jeez.
Can I get her some water?
No.
You know what?
She just needs to take a rest.
That's totally fine.
Oh.
OK.
Yeah, well, hey,
how about till then,
why don't we have some of
that wine that you brought?
Yeah, that sounds great.
I actually poured
us a couple glasses.
Oh, you did?
Looks like it'll
be some good wine.
Yeah, it should be good.
So uh, what did you
want to talk about?
You know, I actually
wanted to cheers first.
Cheers first.
Very good.
Mhm.
Here.
Have a seat.
I've actually been thinking of
incorporating the Acts of Peter
as a little bit more inspiration
for me in my sermons.
Father Bartholomew taught me
all about the Acts of Peter.
Remember him?
Of course I remember him.
It was so tragic
what happened to him.
Mhm.
I'm sure God will find a way
to exact His revenge somehow.
I'm sure He will.
Do you own a dog?
A dog?
Do you own a dog?
Because of the little
bed right there?
That's-- no, no, no.
Remember the Deacon Richard?
He and his wife
and their family,
they moved out of the
house, and you know,
they went on that mission trip.
They left a lot of their stuff.
I'm still clearing it out.
Kind of embarrassing.
So anyway, you remember, then,
in the Acts of Peter Simon
the Sorcerer, right?
Simon was using all of his
sorcery to lure Christians away
to follow a false religion.
And Peter hated his
deception so much
and shared a contest
with Simon, a contest
in front of a lot
of people, to prove
whose powers were truly
divine and whose were sorcery.
Did you hear about that?
Of course.
Did you hear about how Simon
levitated above the ground?
And then Peter prayed
to God that Simon
would be struck down to prove
to everyone that he was a fake?
That's interesting, right?
That he'd prayed to God
to strike a man down.
Does that sound very Christian?
Well, sometimes good people
have to do bad things
when they're fighting evil.
That is true.
And maybe there is where the
line between God's disciples
and the forces of evil
becomes a lot less clear,
don't you think?
You know what, Steven?
From where I'm sitting, our
lines are pretty fucking clear.
You do know I'm going to
kill you tonight, right?
You think so?
Yeah, I know so.
And your, um, "sister," too.
Not if I kill you first.
Agh.
You
are out of your league.
B-positive blood.
Ironic, isn't it, Michael?
Not much to be positive
about now, is there?
You know what's ironic, Steven?
You.
You're sipping my blood
out of a wine glass.
What, have you
forgotten how to use
those good old-fashioned
fangs of yours?
Or no.
You've been playing at that
classy, respectable act
so long, you've forgotten
what you really are deep
down inside, haven't you?
Oh, that's OK, because
deep down, you know.
Deep down, we all know
what you really are.
You're just a fucking freak.
Pathetic.
I have hard times, Michael.
I have a little home video
I've prepared for us.
Let's watch.
You are-- were a
vampire hunter, yes?
James.
Vampire hunters are
Christian hypocrites.
No.
The vampire hunters
are just soldiers.
They have to pick up the
sword of God's spirit
to defeat Satan's evil.
Funny you should mention
sword, because that
is what we may use on you.
The draining of your blood.
No!
Unless, of course, negotiations
can be made for my people's
rights.
They'll never
negotiate with you!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Conversation is over.
You were rude to me.
What?
You interrupted me.
Get him out of my sight!
What?
Feed from him!
Feed from him.
Oh, no!
No!
Get up.
Turn around and
face me, Michael.
You give me one good reason I
shouldn't kill you right now.
I'll give you two, actually.
One, James is still alive.
And two, I'm going
to kill you first.
They're gone, Steven.
Vivian, don't.
Tell me where James is now!
You really convinced
me, Michael.
Tell me where the innocent
churchgoers are now.
Ask nicely.
You don't understand.
This is me asking nicely.
What?
You're going to shoot me when
the guests are at the door?
They'll see you killing their
beloved associate pastor?
Come on, Michael.
Let's prepare for the guests.
We can finish the
exciting stuff later.
Come on.
Put it away.
Shit.
Ow!
Ow!
Gentle.
Hey!
Steven, hello!
Everyone!
Hi, buddy.
Aw, it's great to see you.
Great to see you.
Michael!
Oh, you know it's always
a pleasure..
This is my sister, Vivian.
Thank you for being here.
It's so nice to meet you.
Good to see you.
Oh, another.
Floyd, good to see you.
Oh, you guys have met?
Yeah.
This is my sister.
His sister, Vivian.
I've been sick all weekend.
I've actually taken a tumble
down the stairs yesterday.
That's why--
Looks like you were in the
back seat of a car and someone
dog ran across--
Yeah, right.
No, it was bad.
Actually, that's why
Vivian came down.
To take care of me.
She dressed me up tonight
and got me looking good,
but I am officially
so under the weather.
Great sister.
Wow.
So I've actually--
She's just as sweet as
you are looking right now.
I know I missed the last
potluck, but I feel like--
Yeah, Michael.
He's been a little MIA lately.
I know.
I know.
I think I should take
off till I get some rest.
Oh, no, no, no.
I think--
--breathing--
I really think you should stay.
I mean, this is really
important tonight.
Well, I wouldn't want to--
Steven.
Vivian, please
take the man home.
Obviously, he's
not feeling well.
We should go.
Come on, Steven.
We want to have a nice party.
Right.
We don't want to get
sick all over the place.
It was an honor to see you guys.
And I'll see you at
the next potluck.
It was nice to meet you, Vivian.
Floyd, good to see you.
Travel safe tonight.
Yes, thank you.
Put some ice on that nose
to save your..
Have a safe night.
OK.
OK?
Bye, you guys.
See you next--
Step on it, Jeeves.
Well, that's just terrible, poor
guy, what he's going through.
Well, let the fun
night begin, everyone.
Yeah.
Appetizers right this way.
All right, Steven.
I'm starving.
This is wonderful.
I can't believe you
got Steven's laptop.
Why would a criminal
mastermind leave a paper trail
on his laptop?
He's getting sloppy.
Why is he getting sloppy
all of the sudden?
His followers believe
he's centuries old,
the last true vampire.
I mean, they believe,
after centuries of life,
he's finally suffering
from dementia.
But of course, that's absurd.
They think of themselves
as untouchable.
And that's when they
start to make mistakes.
They don't realize that they're
even capable of mistakes.
Email.
"Master, I've lost my way.
I don't know how to get home.
Please pick me up.
I'm headed to the refuge."
I know where this guy is.
And he knows where the other
Christians are being held.
I'm going to make him give me
the location of the Dungeon.
Why would Steven be calling?
To deliver another
villainous monologue.
I'm not going to get
him the satisfaction.
Are you screening my calls?
Call me.
What's wrong, sir?
What makes you think
something's wrong?
I saw you with the guest, and
you look a bit out of sorts.
You don't think any of
them are onto me, do you?
No.
Don't worry.
You put on quite a show.
I just know you.
That you do, Miss Blank.
Michael got away.
Why not just send
someone to kill him?
I can do it, if you don't mind
serving the guest for a while.
No one can kill him but me.
Do you understand?
It needs to be at my
hands and nobody else's.
You really are getting
crazier lately.
What did you say?
Please don't cut me again.
You will unleash the Destroyer.
Tell him to bring
me Michael alive.
He's a psycho you found on
the streets with rabies.
You'd be surprised how much
rabies patients and vampires
of folklore have in common.
Sensitivity to light,
extreme aggression,
and a highly infectious bite.
The disease of
madness, some say.
Master says the vampire hunter
is probably at the refuge
right now to interrogate Johnny.
You need to go there now.
But remember, do
not kill Michael.
The Master wants
Michael for himself.
I can't believe he
chose you over me.
I didn't sign up to be some
server just serving at all
these damn dinner parties.
So don't fuck this
up because if you do,
the Master will have
your head for it.
And with any luck,
maybe he'll find
you capable of performing
the decapitation.
Wait.
Michael, let's hear him out.
He might be telling the truth.
You do know he's the one that
went all Nosferatu on you
in the canyon, right?
Hey, I was just
following orders.
Yeah, I heard your orders.
I also heard your boss say
he took you to the Dungeon.
Now, spill it.
I didn't look back and
see the surroundings.
Why wouldn't you look back?
Have you seen the fucked up
shit that goes on in there?
If you want information,
go to the corner of 5th
and Market Street, Club
V, the vampire club.
You and your pals were
there a while back,
and so you gotta go undercover.
Sheriff is right down that way,
so just bring this into them
and tell them why
you're here, OK?
OK.
Good luck.
Thanks.
I told you to get out of
here before I change my mind!
Where is
the vampire hunter?
Where is he?
Where--
I'm one of you!
I'm one of you!
I'm one of you!
I work for you guys.
I work for the Master.
Master says you're a f--
fuck-up!
Fuck-up!
Fuck-up!
Fuck him, then!
I'm not telling you nothing!
No!
No!
No!
No!
What?
Can I freshen any
of your drinks?
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
Thank you.
Great.
You-- you got-- you good?
Yeah, I got it.
Thanks, guys.
Yeah.
You sure?
, Steven.
Thank you.
I will come right
back for you guys.
Sorry.
OK.
That's wonderful.
Take your time, Steven.
Thanks, Father Otto.
But not too much time.
You don't want to
hold up dinner.
Floyd!
Oh, Floyd.
Oh, man.
I'll be right back,
all right, guys?
You have 12 unheard messages.
Quit screening my fucking calls.
Jesus!
Listen, I hoped I
wouldn't have to resort
to blackmail to stop you
from turning in my laptop,
but you forced my hand.
Does this sound
familiar to Michael?
You lunatic!
You opened fire on dozens
of unarmed civilians
in a fucking dance club!
You're a fucking psychopath.
I love it!
I'm playing the video again.
I'm playing it again.
So good.
You are so going down.
Michael, what are you doing?
Shh!
What are you doing here?
I can't show the
evidence to the police.
What are you talking about?
Because the police are corrupt.
I just found out that Steven
has them in his pocket.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
You're not safe here, OK?
You're only safe with me.
Come on.
with you.
Master!
Did you finally get him?
I think.
I want Michael's head to be
filled with Christian love
and hope.
Yeah.
Yeah.
OK.
OK, yeah.
Well, you take care, Richard.
You're here with us in spirit.
Don't worry about it.
OK.
He's good.
Bye.
Sorry about that, guys.
Sorry.
That was Richard.
Oh.
We were just--
That's--
We were just talking.
You know, he was
calling from the mission
trip and everything.
That's totally--
Wonderful.
--fine.
I-- Sounds like Richard's
doing a great work.
Yeah.
Yes, absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's-- he's humbled by all
the things he's been able to do
for those kids in Darfur.
Oh.
Um, I thought it was Uganda.
Yeah, didn't you say Uganda?
I thought so, also.
Did I hear that wrong?
Y-- yeah!
Uganda, of course.
Oh!
OK.
That's what I meant.
The wine must be getting to me.
Speaking of wine--
I've never seen Steven
drink this much.
--I thought you were going
to freshen up our drinks.
Oh, yes.
It-- it's OK.
We--
No.
We can get our own.
That's fine.
That's-- it's fine.
Actually, I've been
chilling all of your drinks.
Thank you so much.
Except-- yeah.
Yeah.
All the drinks are chilling
except for you guys,
so I'm going to go
get those for you, OK?
OK.
Thank you.
Is that OK, Floyd?
Thank--
OK.
It's fine.
It's fine with me.
Thanks.
That was weird.
I--
Was it actually--
Well, if you'll
excuse me, I think
I'd better go talk to Steven.
I think you better
do that, Father.
Great.
That's a good idea.
I know this really
isn't your scene,
but you have to try to blend in.
Wait in the car, all right?
Wait in the car?
I shouldn't have brought you
in here in the first place.
It was too dangerous.
I can't--
It's not a big deal.
I can stay.
I can't.
I can't do it.
If something were
to happen to you--
You what?
This is too dangerous.
Just please wait in the car.
Fine.
Mother, are you
watching me right now?
Looking over me from heaven?
Because I need your help.
I keep dreaming of you,
Mother, and in my dream,
you keep telling me not
to attack the church.
But why not?
Wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
What's wrong, baby?
Look, Buzz, I actually
work for the Master.
He told me I was take these
guys to the Dungeon early
and he forgot to
tell me the address.
So just give me the address
and I'll take them, yeah?
First you gotta prove you
are who you say you are.
What are you doing?
You're not gonna shoot me, Buzz.
What side are you on?
Agh!
Tell me where the
fucking Dungeon is.
The Masters says
dead is nothing.
Yeah?
Hey.
You want me to shoot her, too?
I miss you, Mama.
You died protecting me
from the Christians.
The Christians that you
said would accept me.
You told me we are
all God's children.
She just helped save
one of your people.
And yet, your last words
were, forgive them.
Father Bartholomew, what are--
I knew there was something
off about you, Steven.
What are you talking about?
I had a camera set
up in your office.
The Dungeon is Steven's garage.
Now let her go.
Shh!
The guests are trying
to enjoy their desserts.
Fucking hiding in plain sight.
Hey, are you OK?
No, wait.
Why the fuck has
anyone done that?
No!
No!
Michael!
Michael!
No!
No!
Giving up so soon, Timmy?
Come on.
I'm not Timmy!
No!
No!
No!
No!
I will not erase this video
because it's a reminder of how
compassion makes me weak.
I'm sorry.
Hey, has anybody
seen Father Otto?
No.
Oh, he had to go.
He-- he was feeling-- he
was looking a little pale.
Awful.
OK.
Is he all right?
Oh, he'll be fine.
He'll-- you know,
he's in peace now.
He's doing all right.
He's fine.
Awful.
Seems a lot of people have
been getting sick lately.
Mhm.
What are you, um--
what are you implying, Floyd?
Just trying to say it's
obvious that people
are getting sick and--
Mhm?
It's just everyone seems
to be getting this flu bug.
And it's keeping people down.
It is keeping
people down, Floyd.
It can kill people.
So we should probably not talk
about it while we're eating.
OK.
Good.
We should change subjects here.
I hear that there's going
to be a full moon tonight.
Oh, really?
I love full moons.
Steven.
You, uh-- you forgot to close
the garage door on the side.
No, I didn't.
You did.
And do you the key
so I can go lock it?
Are you serious?
I really-- I really
forgot to close the side?
Really, Miss Blank?
Uh, let me check here.
Goddamn it.
I don't have the key.
I don't have the key.
I don't know where I left it.
Well, Jesus Christ, just
lock it from the inside.
It's not that simple, Floyd.
I'm bored with this.
I'm going to go try to find it.
I should probably go
help her, you guys.
Sorry.
It's outside.
I-- I don't-- I don't
trust, you know.
people can just
get in and attack
if you don't lock it up, right?
Right.
Charles Manson and stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
OK.
Yeah.
I'll be right back.
Sorry.
Right.
OK.
That's kind of, um--
Very interesting.
We cannot have anyone getting
inside the garage, understand?
Or getting out, like her.
Help!
Help!
It's OK.
Help!
Put her with the others.
Vivian!
What are you doing?
Let's go.
I heard Steven's voicemail.
Are you trying to hide
the fact that you killed
all those innocent people?
Vampires.
People.
That did nothing wrong
except be at the wrong place
at the wrong time.
It was an accident.
And one that you
tried to cover up.
I'm sorry I lied to you.
Take my car.
Go to the police station.
You give them Steven's
laptop and you expose
him like I should have done.
If my sins are exposed along
with Steven's, so be it.
Even though I walk through the
valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil.
Come on, Michael.
Come on.
Come on.
Pick up.
Pick up.
Pick up.
Michael.
Michael, I gave the
laptop to the police.
It'll take a while before
they can get the arrest
warrant for Steven,
but look, I know
you're not going
to wait for them,
but will you please wait for me?
I'm coming now.
Don't go in alone.
Is it another escapee
from the Dungeon?
Escapee?
No, I work for Steven.
The Master.
I'm on-- I'm on your team.
Michael?
What?
Whoa!
Listen, lady.
I don't want to have to use
this, but I will, all right?
What a gentleman.
Agh.
I win.
We pray for compassion for
them, as Christ taught us to do,
and for those that
have harmed us,
that they be forgiven, for they
know not what they've done.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
Doesn't someone
live on 5th Aven--
Don't trust them.
Michael, don't save us.
James.
James.
Please don't hurt me.
Please don't make me hurt
them anymore, either.
I-- I never wanted
to hurt anyone.
Kill them all.
Kill them all.
Kill them all.
Miss Blank!
The guests are waiting
for their desserts.
Sorry.
Good help is so hard
to find these days.
I'll get your desserts.
Oh.
I'll get it.
Hello, sir.
I know it's a tad bit
late, but have you
been saved by the Lord,
Jesus Christ, yet?
Let me think about that.
Come out here.
Let's talk about it.
James.
James!
So it's getting--
Listen.
I can't understand--
This guy's totally,
totally gone, no telling.
He's all skittish
and everything.
And apparently, he can't
get the chandelier to work.
Really?
I mean, what's the
deal with??
This is really weird.
It's very strange.
I don't understand.
It's getting really weird.
Father Otto just disappeared.
Let's just go, you guys.
I'm going to get
my purse and go.
Hey, guys.
Sorry about that.
Bible salesman.
You can never have
too many, though,
right, as an
associate pastor, so.
Oh, my God!
This isn't what it looks like.
Steven!
Shut up!
Everyone, just shut up.
All of you, silence!
I suppose I
cannot keep this from you any
longer.
It's a shame.
I really have enjoyed being
associate pastor Steven
Cooper, respected citizen.
I am the vampire, Mastermind.
What?
Are you laughing?
Floyd, are you laughing?
This is not a joke.
I'm laughing at you.
Some Mastermind.
You can't even hold together
a simple dinner party.
Ah, respected citizen.
We never respected you.
We don't even like you.
You're pathetic!
You're a freak.
Come on.
Just don't stand there.
Let's go!
James, you're safe.
James.
Get the fuck out of my face!
James, it's me!
James, what did they do to you?
The Master, he
helped me realize.
The Master?
No.
No, no, no.
The Destroyer infected
you with rabies.
Steven brainwashed you.
I'm a monster.
Just like them.
No.
None of us are monsters.
Michael?
James.
James!
Steve, you twisted
son of a bitch!
You think you found the Dungeon?
There are hundreds of Dungeons.
Torture rooms for Christians
hiding across the country.
You'll never find all of them.
Meet me inside soon.
I'm just saying my
goodbyes to the guests.
All the shit we did
was for nothing!
That's not true!
Vampire hunter, if you
want to get to the Master,
you gotta go through me first.
And her.
Please, I never
meant to hurt anyone.
Please have mercy on me.
Can you kill an innocent
to get to the Master?
None will stand in the
way of God's will again.
You did exactly what
the Master wanted.
You proved you were a monster.
Just like him.
Bitch!
For giving into fornication
and going after strange flesh,
thou shall be an example,
suffering the eternal vengeance
of eternal fire.
I just want to go home!
Shh.
To do righteousness and
justice is far more acceptable
to the Lord than to sacrifice.
Michael, what are you doing?
Oh!
Vivian.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God.
I failed.
Vampire hunter!
I am gonna bring
Michael to the Master!
I'm gonna bring
Michael to Master.
I'm gonna bring
Michael to the Master.
Ow!
I'll take Michael to Master.
Clean it up.
And grab an arm.
Michael, come right this way.
You don't look well.
Let me get you some water.
Maybe some coffee.
You're probably tired.
I cleaned this
place up so we could
have our final, epic
battle here before--
Sir, he's dead.
What?
No, no, no.
He's--
Michael's dead, but
I brought him here
so you can claim your prize.
What good is a
prize, Miss Blank,
if you have to get it from
the fucking prize store?
Goddamn it!
So is this the great
angel, Michael?
This is what it
all comes down to?
What should I do with the girl?
What?
Oh.
Kill her.
Whatever.
I don't care.
No.
Steven, there's good inside you.
Please don't let her do this.
I saw that there's
good inside you.
Good inside me?
Put her in the Dungeon.
No.
No, please.
No, please.
He let him live.
No, I'm really not.
Vivian.
You can thank Michael for
finding this handy little rope
earlier.
Now I can use it on you.
No!
How will society react
when they find out
that their associate pastor was
really the vampire Mastermind
all along?
It's better, isn't
it, Miss Blank?
The Christian church has been
turning people away from it
for years.
Christians will
protest funerals.
Anti-abortionists
who resort to murder.
Politicians who see no line
between church and state.
I'm just giving
society the little push
it needs to turn them into
an anti-Christian frenzy!
The genocides will
be unstoppable.
Genocide?
World history is made when
the minority in number
represents the majority
of will and determination.
Eventually, every last
crucifix will be paid in blood.
And it sure as hell
won't be Christ.
Miss Blank, let's
indoctrinate the girl.
No!
No!
Miss Blank.
Natalie.
I wanted to say thank you
for everything tonight.
You were the calm water
to my raging fire.
The one person who stood by me,
with all of the craziness and I
wanted to thank you.
It's my honor, Master.
Stupid bitch.
Stupid, stupid, stupid bitch.
Why did you make me do that?
I didn't want to do that to you.
But you were against
my plans for genocide.
I'm sorry, Master.
You're still here.
I put some drugs in the
blood that I just fed you.
The side effects may
include hallucinations.
But rest assured, most of
the horrors you see down here
are quite real.
Welcome to the Dungeon.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
I untied you.
And the white dress
that you're wearing,
it belonged to one of the
many who were killed here.
I clothed you in it to remind
you what you're fighting for--
the Christians and the vampires
who no longer want you.
That key?
Miss Blank dropped the key
when the Master killed her.
You need to take the
key and open the door.
You're fighting for innocence.
I'm dreaming.
No one can stop us.
No!
Oh, no!
Oh, God!
Oh, no.
Hey, remember us?
Michael's victims.
Do you think, deep
down, God hates you?
Do you think, deep down, your
religious family hates you,
for being an atheist?
Oh, they love me.
Stop!
Stop!
Stop!
Please forgive him.
Please forgive him.
Please-- please forgive him.
And yet, your last words
were, forgive them.
Hey, are-- are you OK?
You want to come with me?
Don't you understand, Vivian?
There's nothing left to say.
No!
This is the
only thing that will kill me.
Pierce through my heart, Vivian.
Do it.
Do it!
Members of the congregation,
if I cannot prove a lover,
I am determined to
prove a villain.
Bloody, thou art.
Blood will be thy end.
Stupid cunt.
He watched you, freak!
Free!
No!
No!
Ow.
you doing fucking
you doing?
Get up!
You come into my home?
You bitch!
You tried to stop me?
There is no stopping
me, fucking..
You bitch!
You interfered!
Huh?
You're not a monster.
You think you can
appeal to my soul.
I don't have one.
What, Mother?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Well, well, we-- wha-- what?
Why?
After everything I did to you.
Answer me, goddamn it!
I forgive.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry.
All of you.
Shoot me.
Just do it.
Just do it!
Shoot me!
No.
No!
Fuck!
Fucking thing.