Bullitt County (2018) Movie Script
1
[dramatic hit]
[rumbling ambient music]
[rumbling ambient
music intensifies]
[rumbling ambient music fades]
Well, look at you.
- It's been a long time.
- Too long.
Couldn't get a black one?
- Cheaper.
- Free.
- Oh, God. Beat me every time.
- Yeah.
So, should we talk
about the weather
or do you wanna give me a hug?
- Hug, yeah.
- I missed you so much.
I missed you.
I still hate shotgun.
I won't ride it at night.
If someone's driving me I just
sit in the back
like they're my chauffeur.
Oh, really? How proper of you.
[soft instrumental music]
- So you checked, she's not home?
- I checked and double checked.
- I think we're good.
- Let's get this party started.
Let's do it.
[upbeat drum music]
[Keaton] I like it. It's lovely.
Are you ready?
Boom.
[Keaton] Oh, Jesus.
Oh, Jesus
Look he's a family man.
[Robin] God. He's so domestic,
settling down.
[Robin] There's sleeping beauty.
[Keaton] God. He's shirtless.
I gotta grab his sweaty ass.
[they grunt]
[Robin] Oh, shit.
- Robin?
- Night, night.
Night, night.
- You chloroformed him?
- It was a plan B sort of thing.
I knew he wouldn't go down
without a fight.
- There's your proof.
- That was a real date rapist
move right there, Keats.
It's ether from
a photography store.
Besides, who knees a guy in the
balls right when he wakes up?
Self-defense class.
You're a monster.
[upbeat drum music continues]
- You break into my house...
- It was unlocked.
Shut up.
- You kneed me in the nuts.
- Yeah, I did that.
- You drugged me.
- Ether.
Then you throw me in the trunk
with this shit
and drive around for
what, two and a half,
three fucking hours?
- I hit every pot hole though.
- Yes, that you did.
No, no! Not my hair!
[Robin] No!
Next person that gets hitched,
gets a fist to the cock
- or a punch to the...
- Dibs on the cunt punch.
[Robin laughs]
Looks like you already got one.
- Yeah, gee.
- Was that from...?
- Good, I'm glad.
- What did you do?
Yeah, it feels great.
[bell rings]
Red river.
[soft instrumental music]
No way.
So I just best-manned
the shit out of this.
- Come here, you asshole.
- It's good to see you, buddy.
- Don't mind my morning wood.
- Yeah, pants first.
- And some deodorant.
- You're gonna love that.
Odd choice of wardrobe.
How terrible.
Let me guess, Keats packed
my clothes all by himself.
I didn't pack that
in the dark, no way.
So, how did you guys
pull this whole thing off?
I had,
inside man. Woman.
Oh, Melanie was in on this too?
Why'd you think she
had to "go out of town"
on business last night?
Ah.
And as the cherry on top...
- Remember this?
- Let me see that.
It's got all the distilleries
in it from ten years ago.
- [Gordie] Holy smokes.
- [Keaton] Yes, Red River,
- Yeah, but wait...
- Bristol.
- [Keaton] Drum roll.
- [Gordie] Arcadia.
- [Robin] It's still there.
- We're gonna find it this time.
Hell or high water.
At each distillery
we are going to get a
Polaroid of ourselves
for the scrapbook.
Ten years later, sort of thing.
And to commemorate
this second crack at the
blue grass bourbon trail,
we are going to start with
Gordie's favorite distillery.
The one that went down
the wrong tube for Robin,
which will all know was bullshit
and made her hurl
all over the bar-top.
[country music]
[they laugh]
What the fuck?
- What the fuck is...
- Cool.
So you remembered
the chloroform,
but you forgot to
check if the place
was still an operational
God damn distillery.
- It was ether.
- Welcome to Red River winery,
- have you been here before?
- Kind of.
We were here when
it was a distillery.
Wow, that was a few years ago.
- Yeah, ten.
- Their bourbon wasn't so hot.
People said it tasted
like unrefined motor oil,
so the owners decided
to convert it into a winery,
carry the name over, re-brand.
It took a couple
of years, but now
business is
booming as you can see.
- Did you say motor oil?
- We have a sublime Merlot.
I will fucking
buy you another one.
It's fine, it works fine.
- Just gotta fiddle it.
- You have a yard sale problem.
- C'mon. Say wine and cheese.
- Oh, yeah.
Memories. I'm going
to get some Merlot.
How's it going? You could
fill it up a little more.
I'm sorry, man.
I should've checked.
Hey, hey.
It's great,
the whole thing's great.
Wine will still get
you wrecked, right?
- Have at it.
- Yeah.
- We'll have a good time, right?
- Yeah.
- That's right. Alright.
- OK.
Go get 'em.
What do you say, Gordie?
I'm actually relieved it's
not a distillery anymore.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That wine stinks, I think
I'm gonna go for a stroll.
It is sad to see it go, though.
All good things come to an end.
[door bells jingle]
[radio chatter
in the background]
Y'all lose anything?
Nope, just browsing.
And breaking stuff too.
- Was this working before?
- Let's say, yes.
You in town for
the Haunted Hayride?
The haunted what?
Hayride.
- Nope.
- Only three things
bring folks to Red River
this time of year:
The Colonia, the Haunted Hayride
and the winery down the street.
- You must be a wine guy.
- Yeah, I'm not a wine guy.
I'm a... I was a bourbon guy.
Came in town expecting your
distillery and you got a winery.
Yeah, my favorite
distillery no less.
Pa would've been
happy to hear that.
Carolyn?
I was wondering when
you was gon' get wise.
Jesus. The last time
I saw you, you were like,
- this tall.
- Yeah.
- Wow, ten years?
- Yeah.
Well, what are you
doin' here anyways?
- Bourbon trail, bachelor party.
- Who's the one gettin' hitched?
Oh.
I better hurry up
and get my wedding dress then.
You don't remember?
You and your pals
came in to visit
like you always did,
it was Christmas time,
and you were wearing
this sweater with...
I think it was a big red moose?
- It was a buck.
- Right, a big red buck.
Yeah, I got down on one
knee and proposed to you
with a little twist tie ring.
You never did come back.
Yeah, we got home that night...
Well, I got drafted.
Life happened.
Wow.
[they laugh]
I remember all of this stuff.
Let's see. This was above
the urinal, for sure.
Spent a lot of time in
there for some reason.
- I bet you did.
- Oh, no way.
- You're gonna hate me.
- Why?
I think...
Yep. There it is.
I should Kill you.
I'm about to add
this to your tab,
along with the broken watch.
It wasn't me,
I blame the other guy.
- Oops.
- Breaking all kind of things.
Nope, it's still in
one piece. Look at that.
Oh, man.
- Yeah.
- Didn't know we still had that?
Probably the last
one in existence.
Really?
And I almost shattered it.
You almost
shattered the last one
in existence. I got an idea.
Alright, I like your ideas.
- To getting hitched.
- No, I can't.
The southern hospitality
dictates, "you say, no.
And I say, yes."
And We go back and forth
a bunch of times until you
finally agree, which is what
you want to do anyway.
You want to take it.
Remember when I said
I was a bourbon guy?
I was.
- Hell. I'm sorry.
- It's alright.
- How were you supposed to know?
- That's why you never came back?
Not exactly.
I don't wanna be a part of
you fallin' off the wagon,
- or get back on, or whatever.
- It's not falling off,
but no, this is just
like anything else.
This is like pills, or guns
or diet and exercise,
it's all about who's
doing it, who's using it.
I just have to do one thing
and that's keep it
bottled up. Right, sign? Right.
Best-man don't know
you very well, bourbon trail
- for your bachelor party?
- Yeah. Well, it's something
we did a long time ago back when
it was OK for me to partake.
Anyways, Keaton doesn't
know any better so...
Y'all plannin'
to do Arcadia too?
That is the plan.
- Well, good luck.
- Yeah, I know.
Well, you could always burn some
time while you in those parts
looking for the
Bullitt County treasure.
What's that?
I know it's around
there somewhere.
[mysterious instrumental music]
What? You ain't never heard
the Bullitt County treasure?
Well, here. Get close.
- Alright.
- Listen good.
Not gonna say this
more than once.
- OK.
- Back during prohibition times,
the government was hammering
down all the distilleries,
and the Bullitt family
of Bullitt County
had one of the biggest,
ergo the target on their back.
So the legend goes
that they took all their money
out in the Bullitt County
wilderness and buried it.
Supposedly millions.
And...
- And what?
- That's kind of a short legend.
Well, I don't have the practice
to make it all flowery.
Well, is it true?
Probably not, but from time
to time you do hear about
folks lookin' for it
never to return.
Rumors of the Bullitt family kin
protecting it out in the woods.
- Spooky shit.
- So a bunch of hillbillies
protecting buried
treasure in the woods.
- Hillbillies?!
- I just mean,
- it's Kentucky.
- Oh, it's Kentucky.
- Let me tell you something.
- OK.
All those disappearances
in Bullitt County
were no coincidence, all those
folks were out of towners,
- with fancy shirts.
- Yeah.
We Kentuckians, every
bucktooth country
bumpkin one of us
We're all least smart to say
we've been diggin' up
what ain't ours.
[slow country music]
This
fucking
sucks.
Buried treasure
does not fucking suck.
It fucks up our plans.
- Your plans.
- Yeah, for your bachelor party.
This is what you call
a win-win situation,
we have all our camping
shit right now, right?
We're just gonna be camping a
little bit deeper in the woods.
We have the camping shit
because, remember,
paying for hotels
is what suckers do.
Right.
- Now you're a wine guy I see.
- Oh, well,
you weren't there, but
the wine lady was explaining
to us all these floral
notes that you can taste if you
let them explode in your mouth.
- It's cheaper.
- Bingo.
[soft creepy music]
[they laugh]
- Fuck yeah.
- Dude, they got nothing on me.
Look at those fucking
pussies over there.
They don't know
how to talk to a woman.
C'mon, I know
exactly what to say.
Come on, you gotta
give him a break.
He spelled Gatsby wrong.
[creepy music intensifies]
It's one big red X.
You know when people
look back in their lives
and regret not doing something
that could've
changed their lives,
this is that
crossroads right here.
I, for one, am not
gonna turn into some...
fifty year old blob of shit
who's sitting around in a shitty
house, wearing a shitty robe,
obsessing over the one day
that we could've taken a little
trek off the beaten path and
I don't know, potentially found
Bullitt motherfucking treasure.
Bullitt family treasure?
More like,
- hillbilly butt-hole pleasures.
- Riveting.
- Groom card, I'm playing it.
- Goddammit. Fuck.
There it is.
Tough break, seor Chardonnay.
Now when we do
find the treasure,
what's everybody
gonna do with the loot?
Invest, for the future.
- Hold on, are you serious?
- Nothing, 'cause it's not real.
Hold on, it was a story, Gordie,
no different than
the Great Gatsby.
All stories are based on some
truth, you told me that.
- I never said that.
- Yes, you did.
You came to Keats and my
dorm-room and you were
crying your eyes out.
- I was not crying
- You were bawling.
- I think you were.
- And saying like,
"I don't wanna end up in a
miserable job like my mom,
and she doesn't understand me,
and I got to do it because
- it makes me feel alive.
- OK. I was drunk.
Probably, but then came your
infamous truth speech.
- Truth with a capital T.
- Don't.
Life only has meaning when it
has truth with a capital T!
Then you went on about
that's why you do it,
because it gives you
meaning and closer to that
truth with a capital T.
You said, "all meaningful
stories, no matter how
fantastical or
not real they are,
hold some of those deep truths.
Baby, how's it goin' over here?
I couldn't help but notice ya.
- Oh.
- Mind if I buy you a drink?
- No, I'm cool.
- Let her handle it.
Anything, they got some
killer screwdrivers.
Hey, buddy. She said she's good.
You know,
some chicks don't know how
they are until they've
loosened up a little bit
with some drinks.
Gordie.
Maybe she wasn't clear enough,
so allow me to be clearer.
Fuck off!
You know, it's not
what I heard her say.
I heard her say she might need
a good old Kentucky fuckin'.
[they scuffle]
Hey, Gordie.
[country music intensifies]
I could fucking kill you.
[Keaton] Alright, fine,
let's get some fucking treasure.
Sorry.
[Robin] Asshole.
[country music fades]
- Fucking overreacting hothead.
- I'm overreacting?
You might be cool with
lettin' shit like that slide,
but somebody's gotta
put him in his place.
It's not your place.
If I pulled a knife
every time a guy was a pig
I'd be in fucking prison.
Fucking idiot.
- He was being a piece of shit.
- You're a piece of shit.
OK.
"Hey, baby, you want some
killer screwdrivers?"
And I'm the jack-off.
Should we get out of the street?
We might get hit.
[they laugh]
You fucking dick. Let's go.
[Wayne] You don't really
think this is real, do you?
Really? Bullitt family,
buried treasure?
Well, there are a ton of
"no trespassing" signs
out here in the middle
of nowhere, for a reason.
The reason is, they
don't want trespassers.
Trespassers that might
find their buried treasure.
[Keaton] Hey, guys!
New plan.
I'm not digging
for treasure anymore,
I'm not digging my own grave,
so when I'm done, just
fucking bury me, please!
- Groom card.
- I'm gonna beat you to death
- with this, I swear to God.
- With that?
How much did you save on that
there kitty shovel, Mr. Merlot?
59 cents, bitch.
[Gordie laughs]
Robo,
I'm sorry.
"Sorry's gotta be
backed up by actions."
I know, I'm always apologizing.
I just hope I can...
prove it to you, I guess.
"You're a piece of shit."
Can't argue with you there.
I'm just a revolving door
of fuck ups.
But just know that I am sorry.
I'm really trying to get my
actions to line up with that.
Great talk.
Hang it up, Keats.
We're done for the day.
[fire crackles]
Day three of the botched
treasure hunt debackles '77.
- You throwing in the towel yet?
- Me, I quit.
Yeah, how 'bout you
shut up and light me up,
- Mr. Sauvignon Blanc.
- Yes, sir.
- [all] Ah!
- Yes!
- Do us the honor.
- Really?
- [Robin] Man of the hour.
- Too kind. Alright.
Ne, ne, fu, fu!
- Indians.
- That good?
[Gordie coughs and spits]
Keats, was this buried in your
backpack since high school?
No, I got that last week.
From a guy who knew a guy.
How much did you
pay for this shit?
OK, it can't be that bad.
Here, let me try.
If it tastes
as bad as it smells...
I'm not a cheap skate
with everything,
some things I actually
do spend some money on.
[Robin coughs]
Not a lot, but...
That is some evil shit, Keats.
[Gordie laughs]
- Here, c'mon.
- No, I'm sticking to this.
I'll fall on the grenade.
It's a bunch of stems and seeds,
but it's something.
The dealer says
that's the best part.
- Shut up.
- [Robin] Speaking of which,
do you guys know
what time it is?
- The witching hour?
- It's time for
what's in Keaton's backpack!
- Oh, God.
- The game where I get to raid
the whole of Keats'
backpack from high school.
One grab is all I get to
find out what's left over
from when little Keats was
transitioning from an awkward
boy who isn't getting any,
to an awkward man who still
isn't getting any.
Although the man part is
absolutely debatable.
Alright.
- [Robin] Good luck!
- [Keaton] Keep digging.
[gasps] Oh!
[others all laugh]
You fucker! You set me up!
Do you wanna keep digging?
I think I've got a butt-plug.
God!
On second thought,
I'm keeping this.
No, I have to return it.
Well, I hope you
can return used items.
I oughta shove this up your ass.
It is insecure babies like you
that got Ulysses banned.
- Oh, here we go.
- World War I.
Just wraps up with men
firing dick-shaped rockets
and dick-shaped
bullets. And why?
- Who cares? Oh, God!
- Why?
The assassination of
Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
Death! Dicks!
Violence! The male organ
stabs and penetrates!
And then World War I ends
and James fucking Joyce
unleashes this golden
poem upon the world.
And he has the balls
to finish it
with an orgasm.
Not just any orgasm,
a female orgasm.
- Is there such a thing?
- You wouldn't know.
And he gets fucking banned
by the same jack-offs no doubt
- that supported the war.
- This James Joyce
that you speak so
highly about, is that a..
woman or a man?
- Fuck off!
- Ow!
[they all laugh]
Incoming.
How 'bout this.
OK, man was here first, right?
God took Adam's
sternum or femur,
and the chick, she took
a bite from the apple
in the garden of Eden,
so there's that.
OK. So, fine, but...
Who made her eat the apple?
The snake, right?
What's the snake a metaphor for?
The devil. Greed.
- Temptation?
- Death?
- A cock!
- Everything you say is
"cocks", you know that?
It's a violent man's world,
we are just livin' in it.
Yeah, well, what about Batman?
He uses violence for good.
Here we go. OK, but Batman
is a shit character.
[Wayne laughs]
What?
I can't be a part of this.
I'm sorry. The guy's parents
died 20 years ago, get over it!
Let me tell you something,
it depends on the book, for one.
Clearly you don't
know your history, but...
OK, but like, your parents are
dead, move the fuck on.
That's gives him his powers,
his ability to never forgive.
The whole essence of him.
That is a really good way
of putting it.
- It is.
- Another way of putting it is
fucking move on!
[eerie music]
- Yah!
- What the fuck?
[eerie music fades]
[Gordie chuckles]
- Robo...
- Asshole.
- Keats...
- No, it's OK.
- I didn't...
- I know.
[Wayne sighs]
- He won't remember it.
- How convenient for him.
Well, he's just far out there,
super stoned, you know?
You have to be
to do that to you.
Look, he's had his fair share
of worn and dones
and he's oogled
plenty of chicks, but
he's always put you
on a pedestal and
a lot of gals would
give anything to be...
- revered like that.
- Yeah, he does it again...
[Keaton] Pepper spray?
That's a bit of an overreaction.
I'm only kidding.
Every time we get together
I fool myself into thinking
it's gonna go back to normal.
- Yeah, but what is normal?
- Not getting my tits grabbed.
OK. Fine.
You wanna grab my tits?
One of them at least? Here right
for the picking. I won't look.
Hiya!
[they both chuckle]
[chuckling continues]
[indistinct]
[Robin whispering] Be quiet.
He's gonna hate you.
[creepy music]
Stop.
[creepy music intensifies]
[making sexual noises]
[creepy music fades]
[soft eerie music]
[twig snaps]
[another twig snaps]
Who's there?
I tried fixing it.
The pocket watch.
But it might be beyond repair.
You would've made a good gook.
Never hear you coming.
What's that old saying?
A broken clock is right
twice a day?
- Some bachelor party.
- You don't wanna be here either.
- I'm here 'cause you're here.
- So is everybody else.
- And what's wrong with that?
- It's just not the same.
It's not like how it used to be.
Well, yeah, that's impossible.
Everybody grew up,
got jobs, etc.
Ah. Et cetera.
[Wayne] You know...
I'm not one for signs
and all that but
if you ask me, the reason why
this whole thing isn't going
your way is...
Well, I'm going to be blunt.
You're not ready to get married.
I'm not saying anything
you don't really know.
That thing with Robin earlier...
- I don't even...
- Believe me...
I don't know what that was.
I know what it's like
to be ready for marriage.
I was more than ready. Then...
Commitment is a pledge
for the future and
you can't commit to anything
if you dwell in the past.
You know, before I headed off
to college and met all you guys
I spent one of those summers
trying to "find myself".
Which is ridiculous because
trying to find yourself
straight out of high school is
like nailing Jell-O to the wall.
There I was,
I saved up some money.
I'm gonna head out to Big Sur
and rough it for a few months.
Yeah, I wanted to see the
Pacific, I'd never seen it.
I'd never seen a state outside
of Indiana for that matter.
So there I am in Big Sur
and the first thing I do is
I just start trudging it
up this mountain,
"I'm gonna get to
the tippy-top"
so I could watch the sun
set over the Pacific and...
Find yourself.
Man, that sounds really stupid.
But at the time,
yeah, of course.
So there I am, I'm hoofing it
up this mountain
and I'm not taking
my eyes off the top.
I'm just going and going.
Watching so I don't fall down.
But I'm not as fast
as the sun setting,
so by the time
I get to the top
it's pitch black. So I turn
around to head back down
and boom! There she is.
The pacific,
she had been at my back...
the entire time.
If I had turned around once,
you know, I would've been able
to see the sun set over her,
but...
You told me that before.
[Gordie laughs]
That's a sad
fucking story, man.
I'm just saying, if I were
in that Gatsby class of yours,
I would've aced
that fuckin' paper.
- Is that right?
- Aced it.
Didn't even take that long to
read, finished it this morning.
And that last line,
God, it stuck with me.
"Our boats float with the
green light of tomorrow."
Close. "So we beat on
boats against the current...
born ceaselessly
into the past."
On a misty morning
Near Bristol road
There I chanced upon
Desmond O'Toole
With a look of mischief,
he flashed me a grin
And we never quite
Made it to school
He said come share
A bottle with me
Yesterday's gone
And today's not so long
And God only knows what
Tomorrow will bring
So come share a
Bottle with me
T'was a fine spring day
With my one true love
I went to bench
Flowers and wine
But I ran into Desmond
And he asked for a sip
And we somehow lost
Track of the time
He said come share
A bottle with me
Yesterday's gone
And today's not so long
And God only knows
What tomorrow will bring
So come share
A bottle with me
Well the day finally came
When I'd had enough
I said Des don't
Come round anymore
Though I tell myself
That it's better this way
I still wait for
A knock on my door
Now sing! Come share
A bottle with me
Yesterday's gone and
Today's not so long
And God only knows
What tomorrow will bring
- So come share...
- Hello there.
My goodness, Bill. We just
scared the livin'
daylights out of these kids.
I think you're probably right.
Figured y'all could use
something a little more fillin'
than marshmallows.
[guitar strums]
Yeah.
This was my father's.
Mr. Hitchins,
this is a piece of art.
Springfield 1903
bolt action 30 cal.
- World War I, right?
- Mm-hmm.
He was just a lonely private
at the Battle of Hamel.
I always wanted to visit France.
What are you, a history nut,
a gun nut?
I guess a little bit of both.
Fiction was
definitely not my thing.
Yeah, I didn't care
too much about
something they just
made up out of thin air.
Hence the history books.
Yeah, well,
they say that history
is written by the victors.
Which is probably
why I'm a gun nut.
- So where did you serve?
- That obvious?
I know a fellow serviceman
when I see one.
I don't know how much
you can call it serving.
I was called up by uncle Sam,
hopped on an airplane,
then a helicopter. I landed
in the middle of Saigon.
It was January 29th, 1968.
- That is some bad luck, kid.
- Yup.
- Right at the start of Tet, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
That's right, so the extent
of my serving was
waking up the following
morning with a large shard of
mirror lodged in
the back of this leg.
Blown out barracks.
I was home within a week.
Didn't even pull a trigger.
Back home without seeing
the worst side he has to offer.
I might have to start
calling you lucky after all.
No, thank you.
Yeah, I was in that
neck of the woods once.
Just toward the end of
the second World War,
things were winding down.
- Helpin' out the frogs.
- Right.
- Clearin' out the Japs.
- The Japanese, yeah.
You know.
When you're firing at anything
that moves in the jungle
in the dead of night. God only
knows how many you've killed.
I had men in my platoon
who wanted to know.
They saw it as a point of
pride to get to a hundred
or some such thing.
They were collecting
prizes from the dead.
Me...
I always preferred
not knowin'.
But there was this one...
This one that I hit
from up close
and I saw him go down not
very far in front of me.
I had to know.
I had to look.
So I wandered out
into the dark...
and I saw him lying there
in all the wet ferns and moss,
wide eyed, staring up at
the moon through the trees.
His blood black
in the moonlight.
I knew I got him then.
Come share a butt hole...
Anyway, I stick
to bucks nowadays.
You got any of those
mounted up around here?
No.
The missus don't allow
any dead animals around.
She says she can
feel them watching her
from beyond the grave.
Can't argue with her there.
Yesterday's gone and
today's not so long
And God only knows
What tomorrow...
[soft creepy music]
Bullitt.
Oh, shit.
Arcadia.
You're way off the beaten path
there, aren't ya?
Maybe so.
But it hasn't been too bad
killin' some time
out there in the woods.
So that's what you
were all doin', killin' time?
[soft tense music]
A lot of people come out here
looking for buried treasure.
Oh, the Bullitt treasure.
[dramatic music]
Did you find anything out there?
[Robin laughs]
We're just havin' some fun
for ol' Gordo's bachelor party.
Don't lie to us, young lady,
especially after we invited you
in here for something to eat.
[Robin nervously laughs]
Alright, we were
looking for the treasure,
but we... You know,
it's just a silly,
stupid thing to do.
Yeah, you're right,
it was a stupid thing to do.
You know, you ain't
the first ones to be
traipsing around
out there in our woods.
Were our signs out there
not clear enough?
Anything buried out there,
is meant to stay buried.
[dramatic music intensifies]
[dramatic music fades]
[eerie music]
That was a nice bathroom.
Did you get a shower
and a shave too, son?
You sure took your time.
He has a tiny bladder.
[Bill] Yeah, you made that
perfectly clear earlier.
[voice echoing] Nightmare on
road trips and all.
[indistinct voices echoing]
How'd you like the dcor?
[Bill] This young fella don't
give a damn about doilies.
He don't look like
no loafer to me.
[something falls]
- I got it.
- No, please.
Let me.
[dramatic thud]
Look at me, boy.
His name is Scott. Scott Keaton.
I said, look at me.
Were you plannin' to use this?
I...
Just "yes" or "no"
would be fine.
Your sign in the bathroom.
You said your name
was Hitchins.
If this were loaded,
you'd be pissin' your bridges
right about now.
Well, I...
I found some bullets
back there so...
Did you now?
Where?
I never keep 'em loaded.
Now if you just give us
back our money,
no one gets hurt.
- We don't have your money.
- You're an awful liar, kid.
[dramatic music]
I told ya,
I never keep 'em loaded.
Except this one apparently.
Hey, Keats.
How about you grab that gun?
You better think about
what you're doin', kid.
That soldier you killed...
- What was his name?
- I don't know.
I think you do know.
You checked.
- We all check.
- I don't know.
Yes, you do.
What was it?
Himora Horochi.
Ah, there it is. Now...
What's your name?
Hitchins.
Doesn't sound like that in the
little sign in the bathroom.
Let me try that again,
what's your name?
Bill Hitchins.
What...
is...
your name?
William
Henry...
- Bullitt.
- Gordie!
[gun shot]
[wife screams]
[ominous music]
[wife in echoed voice]
Oh, my God.
No, you killed him!
[scary music]
[Robin] Oh, God.
You sick son of a bitch!
[Gordie] He pointed a gun
right at Keats.
[Robin] It wasn't loaded!
[Gordie] He went for the rifle,
that sure as fuck was loaded,
but I got there first 'cause
no one threatens my friends,
- nobody!
- Threaten your friends.
- You're so fucking...
- Alright, Robin.
[speaking indistinct
in the background]
[Robin] You're so
fucking heroic!
[Robin screams]
[Robin] What are we gonna do?
[indistinct]
[scary music intensifies]
[Gordie] Robin! Shut up!
[scary music fades]
You know exactly what
we have to do right now.
Yeah. I know.
You know I'm right.
She's gonna go to the cops,
and she's gonna come
after us herself.
She knows our fucking
full names, Robin.
Do you want to spend your whole
life waitin' for some old lady
- to come after you?
- Shut up! She's a scared
little lady,
she didn't ask for this.
Shut up!
They came out into
the woods after us,
we were minding our
own fucking business.
- It's their property.
- They could've asked us
to leave and we would've,
but they didn't.
They lured us back
to their fucking house.
Where is she?
- Oh, God!
- Shh!
- Is she dead?
- No.
[Robing cries]
This is absurd.
A woman's life hanging in
the balance of a short straw.
- Fair is fair, right?
- She's not gonna do it.
I wouldn't neither
if I were her.
I'll clean up the mess, but
what she does, is her choice,
turn us in,
stalk us, nothing...
it's not our place
to kill her.
She'll squeal.
- That's what I'd do.
- Not everyone's you.
Wouldn't blame her if she did.
It'd be the right thing to do.
Right.
I'll do it.
Neither one of you
can look me in the eye.
I think that's the least
that you could do.
[eerie music]
Would you have
pulled the trigger?
[Keaton] It wasn't loaded.
But if it was?
It takes two things
to kill somebody.
Bullets and balls.
[Wayne] What have we done?
It was them or us.
[Keaton] I'll go grab
a mop or something.
Leave no trace.
Yeah, we'll leave no trace.
- [Robin] I'm sorry.
- [wife] Don't apologize
before you kill somebody.
[Robin] About your husband.
Don't apologize for
that boy out there neither.
Sending a woman in here
to do a man's job.
[eerie music]
I drew short straw.
Then do what you came
in here to do.
[tense music intensifying]
[Tense music fades]
[soft music]
- Do you think...
- Quit stalling.
Listen, when
I first came here...
I was even younger
than you are now
and I didn't know the
first thing about chickens.
They were just a bunch of dumb
birds as far as I was concerned,
but I filled this coop up
with hens,
and then I got
myself one rooster.
Before you knew it he had pecked
two of those hens to death
and scared the living hell
out of all the rest of them,
so they quit laying their eggs.
All that took was one rooster,
and so I shot that rooster.
I didn't see any reason
to do otherwise.
You don't always have
to shoot the rooster.
[music fades]
[gun shot]
[dramatic music]
[soft eerie music]
Robin.
Robin.
- Do you need any...
- I'm gonna bury her.
I can do it if you want me to.
I made the mess, Keat.
I'll clean it up.
[dramatic rumble]
[soft eerie music continues]
You all done?
- Yeah.
- Come with me.
Do you see him?
Nope.
Good.
Where is he?
He was gonna shoot you, Keats.
- That was fast.
- Little old lady.
[Robin] Let's get out of here.
[eerie music]
[Keaton] You comin'?
Yeah.
This is wrong, we can't just
pretend none of this happened.
It's not something we can erase.
This will always follow us.
I had no choice.
Right?
Yeah, right.
You always have a choice.
This right here,
this is a bad one.
[eerie music continues]
I'm gonna go clear my head.
[Bill's echoed voice]
And I saw him lying there...
[Gordie's echoed voice]
What was his name?
[Bill] ...in all the wet
ferns and moss...
[Gordie] You checked.
We all check.
[Bill] ...his blood black
in the moonlight.
Anything that's
buried out there
is meant to stay buried.
Gordie?!
- Gordie?!
- We're never gonna
find him this way, Robin.
- Gordie?!
- Robin, it's a huge woods.
[Robin] We're not splitting up.
[metallic spinning sound]
[tense music intensifying]
[tense music fades]
You should get rid of it.
I should get rid of
a lot of things.
Is that some sort of threat?
The pocket watch.
I thought you said it was,
"beyond repair".
I said it, "might
be beyond repair".
I'll keep noodling with it.
See if anything shakes loose.
You gonna drink that?
Yes.
Yes, I am.
It's been ten years.
There was a guy at a meeting
once that said he kept
a vodka shooter in his pocket
to remind him of his weakness.
I mean, that's all
those meetings were,
reminders of my weakness...
for then fucking years.
That's all I did.
I just wallowed in it.
I wallowed in my weakness.
Banding together
in common weakness
is what creates strength.
It's the only way to deal with
all the horrors in this world.
It's why people get married,
and form friendships
and reunite to relive
the good old days.
[tense music intensifies]
[tense music fades]
[eerie music]
He's probably scared.
It's gonna get dark soon.
- One hour.
- One hour, that's it.
Either way,
if we find him or not.
- You got it. Promise. One hour.
- Be careful.
Yeah, you too.
I'll see you in an hour.
[eerie music fades]
[Soft instrumental music]
[soft instrumental music fades]
[man] Got it all
down there, Gordie?
I sure did. Thanks, Mr. Jay.
Yeah, I'll see you
next time you're around.
Will do, alright. Take care.
[radio in the background]
- Look at you two ding dongs.
- Gordon!
Watch that.
Hey, Santi Clause.
- I gotta deliver presents.
- Yeah, here we go.
- [Robin laughs]
- Here we go.
- [Gordie] Arcadia.
- We're gonna find it one day.
Nope, I don't think it exists.
It's like fuckin' Sasquatch.
Don't you talk about Sasquatch
like that, he's very real.
I don't think so, but it did
give us a very great excuse
to come right back
to the Red River.
I think that the owner's
gonna put you in his will.
You know what? He probably will.
- [Robin laughs]
- But, hey.
- [Robin] Yeah.
- Shh.
- I hate their bourbon.
- What?
- You're fucking with me.
- Nope, I kinda hate it.
- It tastes like gas.
- I thought it was your favorite.
No, not the bourbon,
the distillery, dummy.
[Robin chuckles]
With their [indistinct]
and little Carolyn...
it feels like home.
I feel at peace here,
more so than anywhere
else on the planet, really.
Yeah.
Are you glad you bought
that piece of shit
at a shitty ass yard sale?
It works when it's supposed to
'cause look what just came
hot off the presses.
- [Gordie] Oh!
- [Keaton] Your new bride to be!
That turned out...
You took a good picture.
Yeah, some of them don't turn
out all blurry and fucked up.
You know what I
hope that happens?
- Can I be best man one day?
- Yeah, why not.
I hope that thing crabs out on
you right when we find Arcadia.
Like those people who's
cameras don't work
- when they find Sasquatch!
- Blah, blah.
Uh-oh, Robo's got
Sasquatch on the brain.
[Keaton] Yeah, how could you not
with hairy legs like that.
Don't even try it, I already
called shotgun,
you big dumb dildo.
[Keaton] I wasn't even...
You know, I don't give a fuck.
- Don't give a fuck!
- [Gordie] Shh.
- Gordie, I don't give a fuck!
- Shut up.
[Keaton laughs]
- Shut up. Ow.
- [Robin] Can't do it.
Hey, is this window open?
I got an idea.
Yeah.
[Gordie] Robo, wait.
Woah, wait.
I'm just full of great ideas,
Red River. I'm full of 'em.
- [Gordie] Alright, here we go.
- [Robin] No.
Robo you gotta get up. C'mon.
[Gordie] You gotta help.
Watch your head. Just sit.
[car horn beeps]
[Keaton] That was
not a good idea.
You OK?
Mmm.
OK, here we go.
Do you have my Santa hat?
[Christmas song plays
on car radio]
C'mon, Gordo.
Stay awake.
[car crashes and tires squeak]
[car horn beeps]
[Robin] Gordie?!
[soft music]
Gordie!
Gordie!
Goddammit.
Gordie!
Gordie!
In the flesh.
You look lost, Robo.
Lookin' for you.
[Gordie chuckles]
[Robin] C'mon.
Hey, before we go,
let's have a little
- pow-wow on the log here.
- We don't have time for this.
We have to get back
to the car to get our stuff.
Robo, I got a lot
to tell you, c'mon.
- Gordie, tell me at the car.
- Sit on the fucking log!
OK, look at that, that wasn't
so fucking hard. Good, OK.
Now we're cookin' with gas.
Now, there's a lot I gotta say
I guess I won't
beat around the bush,
I'll just come out and say it.
So here we go.
I didn't mean to grab
your boob the other night.
It was a stupid, idiotic, mean,
bullshit, Gordie thing to do,
and I know I upset you.
You know me, I would
never hurt a friend.
I would never do anything to
hurt you, right? You understand?
- Right, Robin?
- Yeah, of course, Gordie.
[Gordie] "Of course, Gordie!"
There it is.
'Cause as you can see,
I don't have many friends.
As illustrated so well by
the incredible turnout
of my bachelor party!
Wheow!
But then there's the friends
I do have, they mean a lot.
There's one thing I won't do,
is I won't hurt my friends.
But I hurt you the other night
when we were sitting around...
I don't give a fuck
that you grabbed my tit.
- I give a fuck!
- Gordie.
- We just...
- I am the one who gives a fuck!
- I don't give a fuck!
- I fucking care!
I'm the one who only fucking
cares every fucking time!
I care and you know why I care?
It's because I love you.
I always have.
As a friend.
But as...
as a friend...
a friend I treasure.
- I treasure you too, Gordie.
- Mmm.
[creepy music]
I got it.
You can grab my boob right now.
Tit for tat.
Come on, I grabbed your tit,
you grabbed Keaton's,
now grab mine,
a good old D.H Lawrence.
There's really something
fucking wrong with you.
Woah, don't get up.
Sit down.
What? It's OK if Keats does it?
It's fucking so funny
when Keaton does it,
but not Gordie,
I don't let Gordie do it.
What else have you two
been up to?
I know.
[whispering] When you
think everyone's asleep.
Is that it? You go up and
you live it up in Chai town?
And you come back for who?
Not Gordie, never for Gordie.
You come back for
your fuck buddy?
- You're seeing things.
- Yeah.
A lot clearer now.
I just need you
to know something,
look at me.
Robin...
I would never do
anything to hurt you.
Never, ever.
Never, ever
do anything to hurt you.
[Gordie grunts]
Ten years, man.
Ten fucking years.
I thought you were
better than this.
That's a sad fuckin' story.
[Gordie laughs]
[Robin] Find your own way back.
I sure will!
Meet ya at the car, Robo!
[ominous music]
[Gordie laughs]
[Gordie's laugh echoes]
Hey, guys.
New plan.
I'm not digging for
treasure anymore.
I'm not digging my own grave.
So, when I'm done just
fucking bury me, please!
- Groom card.
- I'm gonna beat you
to death with this, man.
I swear to God.
- I will beat you to dea...
- With that?
How much did you save on that
there kitty shovel, Mr. Merlot.
59 cents...
bitch
Robin, I'm sorry.
[soft instrumental music]
Alright, Keats.
Hang it up.
Yeah.
We're done for the day.
[tense music]
Fucking Keaton.
[Keaton] Robin!
- Leave no trace.
- No trace.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh.
Hey there, guys.
That oughta do it.
Thought you guys were
gonna leave without me,
let me fend for myself,
just like you did last time.
This isn't anything
like last time.
Ah, no.
I think it's almost
exactly like last time.
Just like last time,
I seemed to be the only one
who gives a shit.
The past has a funny way of
repeating itself
over and over again.
- What the fuck is that, Gordie?
- Oh, yeah.
Except I loaded it this time.
Bullets and balls.
- You told us to leave no trace.
- Gordie?
- What the fuck are you doing?
- That's impossible.
- We all know that's impossible.
- There's no such thing as
leave no trace.
There's always a trace.
Always a trace.
- He's been drinking Red X.
- Always a trace.
[Gordie] Ugh.
Uh-oh.
I've seen this look before.
The "Gordie's lost it" look.
Well, haven't you?
I don't think you've
seen me lose it, Robin.
At least not yet.
- [Robin gasps]
- Hey.
- [Wayne] No, you don't.
- Why shouldn't I?
- You're not that person.
- I've already killed two,
- what's one more?
- [Keaton] What happened to you?
Put the fucking gun down.
I had a bit of a spill
back there, hurt my head
real bad.
It's got me seeing double.
[Gordie laughs]
Just put the fuckin' gun down.
[tense music intensifies]
Anyways.
[tense music fades]
Shotgun.
Where are ya?
There you are, little buddy.
[Keaton] Let's just get
the fuck outta here.
Hm, hm, hm.
[Gordie burps]
[eerie music]
Open the backpack.
- What's that?
- Do it.
[Tense music]
- Just get out of here, Gordie.
- Shut up.
We all just wanna go home.
Open it up, Keats.
Did you have this
at the Bullitt house?
No.
I killed a man because
he accused my friend
of stealin' his money.
Didn't make a difference
whether we had the money or not,
they thought we did
without any proof or anything.
You saw him, Gordie.
You saw him,
he went for that rifle,
but you got to it first.
Remember what you said to me
on the porch?
He was gonna shoot me.
You saved my life.
You saved me.
- He was gonna kill me.
- I killed him.
Yeah.
Don't you get it?
The legend was real.
The legend was real.
It was real, I can't
fucking believe it myself.
But what was it
you said at the bar
about being at a crossroads?
You wanted to come
out in the woods
and look for buried treasure,
well here you go,
buried fucking treasure.
This right here,
- this is truth with a capital T.
- [Robin] Stop.
Keaton, just stop.
This is a lie.
This is all a fucking lie,
you lied to them.
- You had it the whole time,
- No.
and then you lied to us.
I was going to tell you guys,
of course I was gonna tell you,
'cause it's our money.
We found it together for
Gordie's bachelor party.
Together.
Huh?
Yeah, and then sick shooter blew
the guy's fuckin' head off,
- then everything went to shit.
- What's one more exploding head?
You know what? Robin, you've
got blood on your hands too,
both of you. I didn't...
kill anybody.
- I didn't kill anybody.
- You left me alone out there.
You left me alone with him.
Well, that's not really bein'
alone out there now, is it?
You know who was alone?
Me.
Ten years ago,
you remember that?
[eerie music]
I'm driving.
You gotta get the car
to work first, chum.
Robin, you got the keys?
I don't think you know how
automobiles work, dumbass.
So what do you wanna do, Gordie?
You just wanna go camping?
- Come share a bottle and all?
- Yeah, sounds great.
I dunno if you can tell from
what I'm wearing, something
did fuckin' happen right here.
- It looks great.
- Yeah, it was a good time.
You know, Gordie, you were never
the same since that night.
Oh, yeah?
I mean, there were
glimpses of you,
the old you here
and there, but...
it changed you.
Tell me more, professor.
[soft tense music]
You know, some people...
can dig themselves
out of their holes.
Not Gordie Solomon.
You know I have a gun, right?
Huh?
[whispers gun sound]
You tell yourself
you're such a loyal,
caring, selfless friend.
What a guy.
So you don't have to face
what you really are.
And what's that?
A Pisces?
You're nothing.
[tense music intensifies]
[Gordie screams]
[gun shots]
[guitar strings snap]
You motherfuckers!
[tense music fades]
[Gordie coughs]
[Gordie spits]
[someone hums]
[soft eerie music]
[Gordie continues
to cough and spit]
[Wayne hums the
Irish song]
You almost hit me.
I can't believe she
pepper sprayed me.
Well, you did point a gun at her
while threatening to shoot her.
[Gordie breaths loudly]
People listen better this way.
[eerie music]
Or they pepper spray you.
OK.
OK. Good point, yeah.
I got all I need anyways.
Toodle-oo.
[dramatic music]
[Keaton grunts]
[Keaton shrieks]
You still with me?
Not giving up on our friends.
I've ruined my life on account
of my so-called friends.
They get to move on,
do whatever the hell they want.
What do I get?
[Keaton shrieks and moans]
[tense music continues]
[cocks gun]
[they grunt]
[tense music fades]
You do realize he just walked
by a second ago, right?
He's lost.
And so are you,
you selfish asshole.
Yeah.
Well...
That's OK, I think Karma got me.
Jesus, Keaton.
I'm not a doctor
or anything, but...
I think it's a
femoral artery thing.
OK, we gotta get you outta here.
I'm not exactly out here
for the view.
It's not so bad actually.
Alright, I'm gonna go get help.
OK? It just might
take me a while.
No, what are you,
a big bad hunter now?
- He's not in his right mind.
- Yeah, I know.
That's when you need
to keep the fucking gun.
[Keaton]
We lost him, didn't we?
[Robin] I think it was just
a matter of time.
[soft instrumental music]
Look at me. Two bullets.
No, you keep the gun.
When I get back,
we're giving all
that money to charity.
- OK?
- OK.
OK.
Two bullets.
Just walk away, Gordie.
[tense music]
- Whoa.
- Get the fuck away, man.
That doesn't look
very good, Keats.
Now you're gonna
shoot me, is that it?
I don't want to, but you
kinda leave me no choice.
- What the fuck are you doin'?
- Who runs away
from a guy with a loaded gun?
Everybody.
Maybe so, but I don't
feel very comfortable
with you pointing that at me.
Yeah? Well too
fucking bad, man.
- Just stay where you are.
- Hand it over.
Keats, we talked about this,
you need bullets,
you need balls.
- Bullets.
- I will fuckin' shoot you.
Bullets...
[music intensifies]
and...
balls.
[tense music fades]
Yeah.
It's kind of funny,
[eerie ambient music]
I leave the gun back
there and it turns up.
Well...
I am sorry about all this.
Are you?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
You're always sorry, aren't ya?
Yeah.
[Gordie grunts]
You took a drunk...
on the fuckin' bourbon trail.
What were you thinking?
What were you fuckin'
thinking, Keats?
[Gordie laughs]
I don't know.
I just... I don't know.
I don't know,
I just thought maybe...
things could go back to
the way they used to be.
Well, things
used to be a fucking
travesty, Scott.
A fuckin' travesty.
And you know what? For me
there's no such thing
as the good old days anymore.
Just don't
let me die out here
like this, OK?
Well...
We don't get much choice
in that, do we?
[Keaton grunts]
Taking this.
[Gordie clears his throat]
[Dramatic music]
Gordie.
[Keaton shrieks and grunts]
Listen to me, Gordie.
Deep down you're a good person,
but you're burying that
person deeper and deeper.
- "To thine own self be true..."
- I am not a good person!
Not deep down or otherwise.
You know what?
- I'm OK with that.
- That's not true.
You above all people have the
balls to tell me what's true?
You know what you are?
You're a figment.
[soft instrumental music]
You don't know me, Gordie!
You never knew
anything about me!
Not my name and
this ridiculous accent.
You convinced yourself
you knew all about me
in order to make it
easier on yourself.
Or perhaps to make it harder.
You don't know me
any better than
the way in which
you know yourself.
So who are you, Gordon Solomon?
I'm Gordie Solomon...
and I'm an alcoholic.
[Gordie sniffles]
[Gordie chuckles]
Hm, hm.
Wasn't able to fix this.
[dramatic thud]
Wait.
You need your friends.
I need you.
You need your friends, Gordie!
[instrumental music
intensifies]
I need you!
[instrumental music fades]
Hey, buddy. You OK?
Can you hear me?
You alright? OK.
I'm gonna get you
some help, OK?
Can you tell me
what your name is?
Hang on, OK?
[soft instrumental music]
Wayne, hang on for me, OK?
I am so sorry, I was just
trying to get my friends home.
No, Wayne.
Look at me. Hold on.
[instrumental music intensifies]
[instrumental music fades]
[train sounds intensify]
[soft instrumental music]
Gordie?
[Shovel digs into the ground]
[instrumental music fades]
Wayne?
[soft eerie music]
Wayne?
Wayne!
[Wayne] Should we get
out of the street?
[they laugh]
We might get hit.
[creepy music intensifies]
You need your friends, Gordie!
[voices echo] Gordie!
We'll find it this time, guys.
[Robin panting]
[Keaton] You saw him, Gordie.
- Hell or high water.
- [Bill] I never keep 'em loaded.
- You went for that rifle...
- Where did you serve?
You got to it first.
We're just havin' some fun for
old Gordo's bachelor party.
- [Robin] Sad.
- [Keaton] Always sorry.
Keep it bottled up.
Some bachelor party.
[car crashes and tires squeak]
[Robin] Gordie Solomon.
Robin!
[Robin shrieks and crashes]
[dramatic music fades]
[Robin gasps for breath]
[Robin shrieks]
[ominous music]
Gotcha.
Oh, God. What did you do to him?
Oh, yeah, this.
He's probably dead by now.
Let's get a look at you.
[Robin moans]
Wow.
I'm not even gonna ask how...
And there's so many.
You are gonna have
some mighty bad scars.
Yeah.
Yeah, you are never
gonna be the same
again.
Please just leave me alone.
- What's that?
- Leave me alone!
[Robin crying]
Do you even know
what his name was?
- What?
- Wayne!
His name was Wayne.
If I hadn't buried him
the last ten years would've
been a little bit different.
[Gordie] Mm-hmm.
You and Keats get to go
on your merry little way,
live your lovely little lives.
You know what I got?
Guilt.
But not anymore.
[Robin moaning]
[tense music]
This is where I say "I'm sorry",
but I think we both know that
I don't mean it.
[tense music intensifies]
[gun clicks]
[tense music fades]
[Gordie laughs]
Son of a...
[gun shot]
[gun shot]
If this works,
we'll never see
each other again.
[tense music]
- Are you done?
- Yeah.
[Robin] You don't always
have to shoot the rooster.
[wife] I'll just have
to see about that.
[Soft instrumental music]
You don't always have
to shoot the rooster.
[Robin breathes heavily]
[Robin grits her teeth]
[soft instrumental
music continues]
[drum beat]
[radio in the background]
They're lucky to have you
in those meetings, you know?
Old Gordie, you're
the best listener I know.
What's that?
[Robin laughs]
Yeah, all I'm doin'
right now is listening.
Haven't had the nerve yet
to start talkin' myself.
Well, don't keep it
all bottled up.
Did you guys order without me?
Look who it is.
- We figured we'd wait for ya.
- [Robin] To pay!
To pay? Oh, gosh. Let's see
what's on the menu then.
Tap water and peanuts.
- [Keaton] For everybody!
- [Robin] What a guy!
Look at me, I'm so generous.
- I'm hungry.
- What do you want there?
- I don't know.
- I don't know if you knew this,
but they actually
increase the prices.
- They jack 'em up on holidays.
- No, they don't.
- Especially New Year.
- You always say that.
- And they give you less.
- They might be doin' the draft.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Well, I'm glad I'm a woman.
Yeah, I hope they diagnose me
with flat feet or somethin'.
[Keaton laughs]
What do you say, guys?
Onion rings before midnight?
No!
- [Keaton] Cheese sticks?
- [Robin] Yes!
- Cheese sticks!
- Get two orders.
Before or after midnight?
It's two minutes to midnight.
- You gotta be shittin' me.
- [Robin] No.
My watch says ten-forty...
- Fucking yard sales, motherfu...
- Yard sales.
[Robin] Hey, you know a broken
watch is right twice a day?
Yeah, it is and it's wrong
every other time.
You guys ever think
about what we did?
Hey, let's ring in 1968
and we'll talk about that.
- Later, OK?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry.
- [Keaton] No, it's...
- Save me some cheese sticks, OK?
- Yeah, sure thing.
God. Another year. Flies by.
Yeah, it's hard to believe.
Well...
1968. Hey...
I'm gonna go. You know the
whole small bladder thing.
Another year down,
another year to go.
- Here we go.
- One day at a time.
[fireworks crackle]
Ten, nine,
eight, seven,
six, five,
four, three,
[voices echo and fade]
[everyone cheers]
[Gordie hums Irish song]
[another voice hums along]
Why are Irish songs
always so sad?
[Irish melody plays]
[dramatic hit]
[rumbling ambient music]
[rumbling ambient
music intensifies]
[rumbling ambient music fades]
Well, look at you.
- It's been a long time.
- Too long.
Couldn't get a black one?
- Cheaper.
- Free.
- Oh, God. Beat me every time.
- Yeah.
So, should we talk
about the weather
or do you wanna give me a hug?
- Hug, yeah.
- I missed you so much.
I missed you.
I still hate shotgun.
I won't ride it at night.
If someone's driving me I just
sit in the back
like they're my chauffeur.
Oh, really? How proper of you.
[soft instrumental music]
- So you checked, she's not home?
- I checked and double checked.
- I think we're good.
- Let's get this party started.
Let's do it.
[upbeat drum music]
[Keaton] I like it. It's lovely.
Are you ready?
Boom.
[Keaton] Oh, Jesus.
Oh, Jesus
Look he's a family man.
[Robin] God. He's so domestic,
settling down.
[Robin] There's sleeping beauty.
[Keaton] God. He's shirtless.
I gotta grab his sweaty ass.
[they grunt]
[Robin] Oh, shit.
- Robin?
- Night, night.
Night, night.
- You chloroformed him?
- It was a plan B sort of thing.
I knew he wouldn't go down
without a fight.
- There's your proof.
- That was a real date rapist
move right there, Keats.
It's ether from
a photography store.
Besides, who knees a guy in the
balls right when he wakes up?
Self-defense class.
You're a monster.
[upbeat drum music continues]
- You break into my house...
- It was unlocked.
Shut up.
- You kneed me in the nuts.
- Yeah, I did that.
- You drugged me.
- Ether.
Then you throw me in the trunk
with this shit
and drive around for
what, two and a half,
three fucking hours?
- I hit every pot hole though.
- Yes, that you did.
No, no! Not my hair!
[Robin] No!
Next person that gets hitched,
gets a fist to the cock
- or a punch to the...
- Dibs on the cunt punch.
[Robin laughs]
Looks like you already got one.
- Yeah, gee.
- Was that from...?
- Good, I'm glad.
- What did you do?
Yeah, it feels great.
[bell rings]
Red river.
[soft instrumental music]
No way.
So I just best-manned
the shit out of this.
- Come here, you asshole.
- It's good to see you, buddy.
- Don't mind my morning wood.
- Yeah, pants first.
- And some deodorant.
- You're gonna love that.
Odd choice of wardrobe.
How terrible.
Let me guess, Keats packed
my clothes all by himself.
I didn't pack that
in the dark, no way.
So, how did you guys
pull this whole thing off?
I had,
inside man. Woman.
Oh, Melanie was in on this too?
Why'd you think she
had to "go out of town"
on business last night?
Ah.
And as the cherry on top...
- Remember this?
- Let me see that.
It's got all the distilleries
in it from ten years ago.
- [Gordie] Holy smokes.
- [Keaton] Yes, Red River,
- Yeah, but wait...
- Bristol.
- [Keaton] Drum roll.
- [Gordie] Arcadia.
- [Robin] It's still there.
- We're gonna find it this time.
Hell or high water.
At each distillery
we are going to get a
Polaroid of ourselves
for the scrapbook.
Ten years later, sort of thing.
And to commemorate
this second crack at the
blue grass bourbon trail,
we are going to start with
Gordie's favorite distillery.
The one that went down
the wrong tube for Robin,
which will all know was bullshit
and made her hurl
all over the bar-top.
[country music]
[they laugh]
What the fuck?
- What the fuck is...
- Cool.
So you remembered
the chloroform,
but you forgot to
check if the place
was still an operational
God damn distillery.
- It was ether.
- Welcome to Red River winery,
- have you been here before?
- Kind of.
We were here when
it was a distillery.
Wow, that was a few years ago.
- Yeah, ten.
- Their bourbon wasn't so hot.
People said it tasted
like unrefined motor oil,
so the owners decided
to convert it into a winery,
carry the name over, re-brand.
It took a couple
of years, but now
business is
booming as you can see.
- Did you say motor oil?
- We have a sublime Merlot.
I will fucking
buy you another one.
It's fine, it works fine.
- Just gotta fiddle it.
- You have a yard sale problem.
- C'mon. Say wine and cheese.
- Oh, yeah.
Memories. I'm going
to get some Merlot.
How's it going? You could
fill it up a little more.
I'm sorry, man.
I should've checked.
Hey, hey.
It's great,
the whole thing's great.
Wine will still get
you wrecked, right?
- Have at it.
- Yeah.
- We'll have a good time, right?
- Yeah.
- That's right. Alright.
- OK.
Go get 'em.
What do you say, Gordie?
I'm actually relieved it's
not a distillery anymore.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That wine stinks, I think
I'm gonna go for a stroll.
It is sad to see it go, though.
All good things come to an end.
[door bells jingle]
[radio chatter
in the background]
Y'all lose anything?
Nope, just browsing.
And breaking stuff too.
- Was this working before?
- Let's say, yes.
You in town for
the Haunted Hayride?
The haunted what?
Hayride.
- Nope.
- Only three things
bring folks to Red River
this time of year:
The Colonia, the Haunted Hayride
and the winery down the street.
- You must be a wine guy.
- Yeah, I'm not a wine guy.
I'm a... I was a bourbon guy.
Came in town expecting your
distillery and you got a winery.
Yeah, my favorite
distillery no less.
Pa would've been
happy to hear that.
Carolyn?
I was wondering when
you was gon' get wise.
Jesus. The last time
I saw you, you were like,
- this tall.
- Yeah.
- Wow, ten years?
- Yeah.
Well, what are you
doin' here anyways?
- Bourbon trail, bachelor party.
- Who's the one gettin' hitched?
Oh.
I better hurry up
and get my wedding dress then.
You don't remember?
You and your pals
came in to visit
like you always did,
it was Christmas time,
and you were wearing
this sweater with...
I think it was a big red moose?
- It was a buck.
- Right, a big red buck.
Yeah, I got down on one
knee and proposed to you
with a little twist tie ring.
You never did come back.
Yeah, we got home that night...
Well, I got drafted.
Life happened.
Wow.
[they laugh]
I remember all of this stuff.
Let's see. This was above
the urinal, for sure.
Spent a lot of time in
there for some reason.
- I bet you did.
- Oh, no way.
- You're gonna hate me.
- Why?
I think...
Yep. There it is.
I should Kill you.
I'm about to add
this to your tab,
along with the broken watch.
It wasn't me,
I blame the other guy.
- Oops.
- Breaking all kind of things.
Nope, it's still in
one piece. Look at that.
Oh, man.
- Yeah.
- Didn't know we still had that?
Probably the last
one in existence.
Really?
And I almost shattered it.
You almost
shattered the last one
in existence. I got an idea.
Alright, I like your ideas.
- To getting hitched.
- No, I can't.
The southern hospitality
dictates, "you say, no.
And I say, yes."
And We go back and forth
a bunch of times until you
finally agree, which is what
you want to do anyway.
You want to take it.
Remember when I said
I was a bourbon guy?
I was.
- Hell. I'm sorry.
- It's alright.
- How were you supposed to know?
- That's why you never came back?
Not exactly.
I don't wanna be a part of
you fallin' off the wagon,
- or get back on, or whatever.
- It's not falling off,
but no, this is just
like anything else.
This is like pills, or guns
or diet and exercise,
it's all about who's
doing it, who's using it.
I just have to do one thing
and that's keep it
bottled up. Right, sign? Right.
Best-man don't know
you very well, bourbon trail
- for your bachelor party?
- Yeah. Well, it's something
we did a long time ago back when
it was OK for me to partake.
Anyways, Keaton doesn't
know any better so...
Y'all plannin'
to do Arcadia too?
That is the plan.
- Well, good luck.
- Yeah, I know.
Well, you could always burn some
time while you in those parts
looking for the
Bullitt County treasure.
What's that?
I know it's around
there somewhere.
[mysterious instrumental music]
What? You ain't never heard
the Bullitt County treasure?
Well, here. Get close.
- Alright.
- Listen good.
Not gonna say this
more than once.
- OK.
- Back during prohibition times,
the government was hammering
down all the distilleries,
and the Bullitt family
of Bullitt County
had one of the biggest,
ergo the target on their back.
So the legend goes
that they took all their money
out in the Bullitt County
wilderness and buried it.
Supposedly millions.
And...
- And what?
- That's kind of a short legend.
Well, I don't have the practice
to make it all flowery.
Well, is it true?
Probably not, but from time
to time you do hear about
folks lookin' for it
never to return.
Rumors of the Bullitt family kin
protecting it out in the woods.
- Spooky shit.
- So a bunch of hillbillies
protecting buried
treasure in the woods.
- Hillbillies?!
- I just mean,
- it's Kentucky.
- Oh, it's Kentucky.
- Let me tell you something.
- OK.
All those disappearances
in Bullitt County
were no coincidence, all those
folks were out of towners,
- with fancy shirts.
- Yeah.
We Kentuckians, every
bucktooth country
bumpkin one of us
We're all least smart to say
we've been diggin' up
what ain't ours.
[slow country music]
This
fucking
sucks.
Buried treasure
does not fucking suck.
It fucks up our plans.
- Your plans.
- Yeah, for your bachelor party.
This is what you call
a win-win situation,
we have all our camping
shit right now, right?
We're just gonna be camping a
little bit deeper in the woods.
We have the camping shit
because, remember,
paying for hotels
is what suckers do.
Right.
- Now you're a wine guy I see.
- Oh, well,
you weren't there, but
the wine lady was explaining
to us all these floral
notes that you can taste if you
let them explode in your mouth.
- It's cheaper.
- Bingo.
[soft creepy music]
[they laugh]
- Fuck yeah.
- Dude, they got nothing on me.
Look at those fucking
pussies over there.
They don't know
how to talk to a woman.
C'mon, I know
exactly what to say.
Come on, you gotta
give him a break.
He spelled Gatsby wrong.
[creepy music intensifies]
It's one big red X.
You know when people
look back in their lives
and regret not doing something
that could've
changed their lives,
this is that
crossroads right here.
I, for one, am not
gonna turn into some...
fifty year old blob of shit
who's sitting around in a shitty
house, wearing a shitty robe,
obsessing over the one day
that we could've taken a little
trek off the beaten path and
I don't know, potentially found
Bullitt motherfucking treasure.
Bullitt family treasure?
More like,
- hillbilly butt-hole pleasures.
- Riveting.
- Groom card, I'm playing it.
- Goddammit. Fuck.
There it is.
Tough break, seor Chardonnay.
Now when we do
find the treasure,
what's everybody
gonna do with the loot?
Invest, for the future.
- Hold on, are you serious?
- Nothing, 'cause it's not real.
Hold on, it was a story, Gordie,
no different than
the Great Gatsby.
All stories are based on some
truth, you told me that.
- I never said that.
- Yes, you did.
You came to Keats and my
dorm-room and you were
crying your eyes out.
- I was not crying
- You were bawling.
- I think you were.
- And saying like,
"I don't wanna end up in a
miserable job like my mom,
and she doesn't understand me,
and I got to do it because
- it makes me feel alive.
- OK. I was drunk.
Probably, but then came your
infamous truth speech.
- Truth with a capital T.
- Don't.
Life only has meaning when it
has truth with a capital T!
Then you went on about
that's why you do it,
because it gives you
meaning and closer to that
truth with a capital T.
You said, "all meaningful
stories, no matter how
fantastical or
not real they are,
hold some of those deep truths.
Baby, how's it goin' over here?
I couldn't help but notice ya.
- Oh.
- Mind if I buy you a drink?
- No, I'm cool.
- Let her handle it.
Anything, they got some
killer screwdrivers.
Hey, buddy. She said she's good.
You know,
some chicks don't know how
they are until they've
loosened up a little bit
with some drinks.
Gordie.
Maybe she wasn't clear enough,
so allow me to be clearer.
Fuck off!
You know, it's not
what I heard her say.
I heard her say she might need
a good old Kentucky fuckin'.
[they scuffle]
Hey, Gordie.
[country music intensifies]
I could fucking kill you.
[Keaton] Alright, fine,
let's get some fucking treasure.
Sorry.
[Robin] Asshole.
[country music fades]
- Fucking overreacting hothead.
- I'm overreacting?
You might be cool with
lettin' shit like that slide,
but somebody's gotta
put him in his place.
It's not your place.
If I pulled a knife
every time a guy was a pig
I'd be in fucking prison.
Fucking idiot.
- He was being a piece of shit.
- You're a piece of shit.
OK.
"Hey, baby, you want some
killer screwdrivers?"
And I'm the jack-off.
Should we get out of the street?
We might get hit.
[they laugh]
You fucking dick. Let's go.
[Wayne] You don't really
think this is real, do you?
Really? Bullitt family,
buried treasure?
Well, there are a ton of
"no trespassing" signs
out here in the middle
of nowhere, for a reason.
The reason is, they
don't want trespassers.
Trespassers that might
find their buried treasure.
[Keaton] Hey, guys!
New plan.
I'm not digging
for treasure anymore,
I'm not digging my own grave,
so when I'm done, just
fucking bury me, please!
- Groom card.
- I'm gonna beat you to death
- with this, I swear to God.
- With that?
How much did you save on that
there kitty shovel, Mr. Merlot?
59 cents, bitch.
[Gordie laughs]
Robo,
I'm sorry.
"Sorry's gotta be
backed up by actions."
I know, I'm always apologizing.
I just hope I can...
prove it to you, I guess.
"You're a piece of shit."
Can't argue with you there.
I'm just a revolving door
of fuck ups.
But just know that I am sorry.
I'm really trying to get my
actions to line up with that.
Great talk.
Hang it up, Keats.
We're done for the day.
[fire crackles]
Day three of the botched
treasure hunt debackles '77.
- You throwing in the towel yet?
- Me, I quit.
Yeah, how 'bout you
shut up and light me up,
- Mr. Sauvignon Blanc.
- Yes, sir.
- [all] Ah!
- Yes!
- Do us the honor.
- Really?
- [Robin] Man of the hour.
- Too kind. Alright.
Ne, ne, fu, fu!
- Indians.
- That good?
[Gordie coughs and spits]
Keats, was this buried in your
backpack since high school?
No, I got that last week.
From a guy who knew a guy.
How much did you
pay for this shit?
OK, it can't be that bad.
Here, let me try.
If it tastes
as bad as it smells...
I'm not a cheap skate
with everything,
some things I actually
do spend some money on.
[Robin coughs]
Not a lot, but...
That is some evil shit, Keats.
[Gordie laughs]
- Here, c'mon.
- No, I'm sticking to this.
I'll fall on the grenade.
It's a bunch of stems and seeds,
but it's something.
The dealer says
that's the best part.
- Shut up.
- [Robin] Speaking of which,
do you guys know
what time it is?
- The witching hour?
- It's time for
what's in Keaton's backpack!
- Oh, God.
- The game where I get to raid
the whole of Keats'
backpack from high school.
One grab is all I get to
find out what's left over
from when little Keats was
transitioning from an awkward
boy who isn't getting any,
to an awkward man who still
isn't getting any.
Although the man part is
absolutely debatable.
Alright.
- [Robin] Good luck!
- [Keaton] Keep digging.
[gasps] Oh!
[others all laugh]
You fucker! You set me up!
Do you wanna keep digging?
I think I've got a butt-plug.
God!
On second thought,
I'm keeping this.
No, I have to return it.
Well, I hope you
can return used items.
I oughta shove this up your ass.
It is insecure babies like you
that got Ulysses banned.
- Oh, here we go.
- World War I.
Just wraps up with men
firing dick-shaped rockets
and dick-shaped
bullets. And why?
- Who cares? Oh, God!
- Why?
The assassination of
Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
Death! Dicks!
Violence! The male organ
stabs and penetrates!
And then World War I ends
and James fucking Joyce
unleashes this golden
poem upon the world.
And he has the balls
to finish it
with an orgasm.
Not just any orgasm,
a female orgasm.
- Is there such a thing?
- You wouldn't know.
And he gets fucking banned
by the same jack-offs no doubt
- that supported the war.
- This James Joyce
that you speak so
highly about, is that a..
woman or a man?
- Fuck off!
- Ow!
[they all laugh]
Incoming.
How 'bout this.
OK, man was here first, right?
God took Adam's
sternum or femur,
and the chick, she took
a bite from the apple
in the garden of Eden,
so there's that.
OK. So, fine, but...
Who made her eat the apple?
The snake, right?
What's the snake a metaphor for?
The devil. Greed.
- Temptation?
- Death?
- A cock!
- Everything you say is
"cocks", you know that?
It's a violent man's world,
we are just livin' in it.
Yeah, well, what about Batman?
He uses violence for good.
Here we go. OK, but Batman
is a shit character.
[Wayne laughs]
What?
I can't be a part of this.
I'm sorry. The guy's parents
died 20 years ago, get over it!
Let me tell you something,
it depends on the book, for one.
Clearly you don't
know your history, but...
OK, but like, your parents are
dead, move the fuck on.
That's gives him his powers,
his ability to never forgive.
The whole essence of him.
That is a really good way
of putting it.
- It is.
- Another way of putting it is
fucking move on!
[eerie music]
- Yah!
- What the fuck?
[eerie music fades]
[Gordie chuckles]
- Robo...
- Asshole.
- Keats...
- No, it's OK.
- I didn't...
- I know.
[Wayne sighs]
- He won't remember it.
- How convenient for him.
Well, he's just far out there,
super stoned, you know?
You have to be
to do that to you.
Look, he's had his fair share
of worn and dones
and he's oogled
plenty of chicks, but
he's always put you
on a pedestal and
a lot of gals would
give anything to be...
- revered like that.
- Yeah, he does it again...
[Keaton] Pepper spray?
That's a bit of an overreaction.
I'm only kidding.
Every time we get together
I fool myself into thinking
it's gonna go back to normal.
- Yeah, but what is normal?
- Not getting my tits grabbed.
OK. Fine.
You wanna grab my tits?
One of them at least? Here right
for the picking. I won't look.
Hiya!
[they both chuckle]
[chuckling continues]
[indistinct]
[Robin whispering] Be quiet.
He's gonna hate you.
[creepy music]
Stop.
[creepy music intensifies]
[making sexual noises]
[creepy music fades]
[soft eerie music]
[twig snaps]
[another twig snaps]
Who's there?
I tried fixing it.
The pocket watch.
But it might be beyond repair.
You would've made a good gook.
Never hear you coming.
What's that old saying?
A broken clock is right
twice a day?
- Some bachelor party.
- You don't wanna be here either.
- I'm here 'cause you're here.
- So is everybody else.
- And what's wrong with that?
- It's just not the same.
It's not like how it used to be.
Well, yeah, that's impossible.
Everybody grew up,
got jobs, etc.
Ah. Et cetera.
[Wayne] You know...
I'm not one for signs
and all that but
if you ask me, the reason why
this whole thing isn't going
your way is...
Well, I'm going to be blunt.
You're not ready to get married.
I'm not saying anything
you don't really know.
That thing with Robin earlier...
- I don't even...
- Believe me...
I don't know what that was.
I know what it's like
to be ready for marriage.
I was more than ready. Then...
Commitment is a pledge
for the future and
you can't commit to anything
if you dwell in the past.
You know, before I headed off
to college and met all you guys
I spent one of those summers
trying to "find myself".
Which is ridiculous because
trying to find yourself
straight out of high school is
like nailing Jell-O to the wall.
There I was,
I saved up some money.
I'm gonna head out to Big Sur
and rough it for a few months.
Yeah, I wanted to see the
Pacific, I'd never seen it.
I'd never seen a state outside
of Indiana for that matter.
So there I am in Big Sur
and the first thing I do is
I just start trudging it
up this mountain,
"I'm gonna get to
the tippy-top"
so I could watch the sun
set over the Pacific and...
Find yourself.
Man, that sounds really stupid.
But at the time,
yeah, of course.
So there I am, I'm hoofing it
up this mountain
and I'm not taking
my eyes off the top.
I'm just going and going.
Watching so I don't fall down.
But I'm not as fast
as the sun setting,
so by the time
I get to the top
it's pitch black. So I turn
around to head back down
and boom! There she is.
The pacific,
she had been at my back...
the entire time.
If I had turned around once,
you know, I would've been able
to see the sun set over her,
but...
You told me that before.
[Gordie laughs]
That's a sad
fucking story, man.
I'm just saying, if I were
in that Gatsby class of yours,
I would've aced
that fuckin' paper.
- Is that right?
- Aced it.
Didn't even take that long to
read, finished it this morning.
And that last line,
God, it stuck with me.
"Our boats float with the
green light of tomorrow."
Close. "So we beat on
boats against the current...
born ceaselessly
into the past."
On a misty morning
Near Bristol road
There I chanced upon
Desmond O'Toole
With a look of mischief,
he flashed me a grin
And we never quite
Made it to school
He said come share
A bottle with me
Yesterday's gone
And today's not so long
And God only knows what
Tomorrow will bring
So come share a
Bottle with me
T'was a fine spring day
With my one true love
I went to bench
Flowers and wine
But I ran into Desmond
And he asked for a sip
And we somehow lost
Track of the time
He said come share
A bottle with me
Yesterday's gone
And today's not so long
And God only knows
What tomorrow will bring
So come share
A bottle with me
Well the day finally came
When I'd had enough
I said Des don't
Come round anymore
Though I tell myself
That it's better this way
I still wait for
A knock on my door
Now sing! Come share
A bottle with me
Yesterday's gone and
Today's not so long
And God only knows
What tomorrow will bring
- So come share...
- Hello there.
My goodness, Bill. We just
scared the livin'
daylights out of these kids.
I think you're probably right.
Figured y'all could use
something a little more fillin'
than marshmallows.
[guitar strums]
Yeah.
This was my father's.
Mr. Hitchins,
this is a piece of art.
Springfield 1903
bolt action 30 cal.
- World War I, right?
- Mm-hmm.
He was just a lonely private
at the Battle of Hamel.
I always wanted to visit France.
What are you, a history nut,
a gun nut?
I guess a little bit of both.
Fiction was
definitely not my thing.
Yeah, I didn't care
too much about
something they just
made up out of thin air.
Hence the history books.
Yeah, well,
they say that history
is written by the victors.
Which is probably
why I'm a gun nut.
- So where did you serve?
- That obvious?
I know a fellow serviceman
when I see one.
I don't know how much
you can call it serving.
I was called up by uncle Sam,
hopped on an airplane,
then a helicopter. I landed
in the middle of Saigon.
It was January 29th, 1968.
- That is some bad luck, kid.
- Yup.
- Right at the start of Tet, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
That's right, so the extent
of my serving was
waking up the following
morning with a large shard of
mirror lodged in
the back of this leg.
Blown out barracks.
I was home within a week.
Didn't even pull a trigger.
Back home without seeing
the worst side he has to offer.
I might have to start
calling you lucky after all.
No, thank you.
Yeah, I was in that
neck of the woods once.
Just toward the end of
the second World War,
things were winding down.
- Helpin' out the frogs.
- Right.
- Clearin' out the Japs.
- The Japanese, yeah.
You know.
When you're firing at anything
that moves in the jungle
in the dead of night. God only
knows how many you've killed.
I had men in my platoon
who wanted to know.
They saw it as a point of
pride to get to a hundred
or some such thing.
They were collecting
prizes from the dead.
Me...
I always preferred
not knowin'.
But there was this one...
This one that I hit
from up close
and I saw him go down not
very far in front of me.
I had to know.
I had to look.
So I wandered out
into the dark...
and I saw him lying there
in all the wet ferns and moss,
wide eyed, staring up at
the moon through the trees.
His blood black
in the moonlight.
I knew I got him then.
Come share a butt hole...
Anyway, I stick
to bucks nowadays.
You got any of those
mounted up around here?
No.
The missus don't allow
any dead animals around.
She says she can
feel them watching her
from beyond the grave.
Can't argue with her there.
Yesterday's gone and
today's not so long
And God only knows
What tomorrow...
[soft creepy music]
Bullitt.
Oh, shit.
Arcadia.
You're way off the beaten path
there, aren't ya?
Maybe so.
But it hasn't been too bad
killin' some time
out there in the woods.
So that's what you
were all doin', killin' time?
[soft tense music]
A lot of people come out here
looking for buried treasure.
Oh, the Bullitt treasure.
[dramatic music]
Did you find anything out there?
[Robin laughs]
We're just havin' some fun
for ol' Gordo's bachelor party.
Don't lie to us, young lady,
especially after we invited you
in here for something to eat.
[Robin nervously laughs]
Alright, we were
looking for the treasure,
but we... You know,
it's just a silly,
stupid thing to do.
Yeah, you're right,
it was a stupid thing to do.
You know, you ain't
the first ones to be
traipsing around
out there in our woods.
Were our signs out there
not clear enough?
Anything buried out there,
is meant to stay buried.
[dramatic music intensifies]
[dramatic music fades]
[eerie music]
That was a nice bathroom.
Did you get a shower
and a shave too, son?
You sure took your time.
He has a tiny bladder.
[Bill] Yeah, you made that
perfectly clear earlier.
[voice echoing] Nightmare on
road trips and all.
[indistinct voices echoing]
How'd you like the dcor?
[Bill] This young fella don't
give a damn about doilies.
He don't look like
no loafer to me.
[something falls]
- I got it.
- No, please.
Let me.
[dramatic thud]
Look at me, boy.
His name is Scott. Scott Keaton.
I said, look at me.
Were you plannin' to use this?
I...
Just "yes" or "no"
would be fine.
Your sign in the bathroom.
You said your name
was Hitchins.
If this were loaded,
you'd be pissin' your bridges
right about now.
Well, I...
I found some bullets
back there so...
Did you now?
Where?
I never keep 'em loaded.
Now if you just give us
back our money,
no one gets hurt.
- We don't have your money.
- You're an awful liar, kid.
[dramatic music]
I told ya,
I never keep 'em loaded.
Except this one apparently.
Hey, Keats.
How about you grab that gun?
You better think about
what you're doin', kid.
That soldier you killed...
- What was his name?
- I don't know.
I think you do know.
You checked.
- We all check.
- I don't know.
Yes, you do.
What was it?
Himora Horochi.
Ah, there it is. Now...
What's your name?
Hitchins.
Doesn't sound like that in the
little sign in the bathroom.
Let me try that again,
what's your name?
Bill Hitchins.
What...
is...
your name?
William
Henry...
- Bullitt.
- Gordie!
[gun shot]
[wife screams]
[ominous music]
[wife in echoed voice]
Oh, my God.
No, you killed him!
[scary music]
[Robin] Oh, God.
You sick son of a bitch!
[Gordie] He pointed a gun
right at Keats.
[Robin] It wasn't loaded!
[Gordie] He went for the rifle,
that sure as fuck was loaded,
but I got there first 'cause
no one threatens my friends,
- nobody!
- Threaten your friends.
- You're so fucking...
- Alright, Robin.
[speaking indistinct
in the background]
[Robin] You're so
fucking heroic!
[Robin screams]
[Robin] What are we gonna do?
[indistinct]
[scary music intensifies]
[Gordie] Robin! Shut up!
[scary music fades]
You know exactly what
we have to do right now.
Yeah. I know.
You know I'm right.
She's gonna go to the cops,
and she's gonna come
after us herself.
She knows our fucking
full names, Robin.
Do you want to spend your whole
life waitin' for some old lady
- to come after you?
- Shut up! She's a scared
little lady,
she didn't ask for this.
Shut up!
They came out into
the woods after us,
we were minding our
own fucking business.
- It's their property.
- They could've asked us
to leave and we would've,
but they didn't.
They lured us back
to their fucking house.
Where is she?
- Oh, God!
- Shh!
- Is she dead?
- No.
[Robing cries]
This is absurd.
A woman's life hanging in
the balance of a short straw.
- Fair is fair, right?
- She's not gonna do it.
I wouldn't neither
if I were her.
I'll clean up the mess, but
what she does, is her choice,
turn us in,
stalk us, nothing...
it's not our place
to kill her.
She'll squeal.
- That's what I'd do.
- Not everyone's you.
Wouldn't blame her if she did.
It'd be the right thing to do.
Right.
I'll do it.
Neither one of you
can look me in the eye.
I think that's the least
that you could do.
[eerie music]
Would you have
pulled the trigger?
[Keaton] It wasn't loaded.
But if it was?
It takes two things
to kill somebody.
Bullets and balls.
[Wayne] What have we done?
It was them or us.
[Keaton] I'll go grab
a mop or something.
Leave no trace.
Yeah, we'll leave no trace.
- [Robin] I'm sorry.
- [wife] Don't apologize
before you kill somebody.
[Robin] About your husband.
Don't apologize for
that boy out there neither.
Sending a woman in here
to do a man's job.
[eerie music]
I drew short straw.
Then do what you came
in here to do.
[tense music intensifying]
[Tense music fades]
[soft music]
- Do you think...
- Quit stalling.
Listen, when
I first came here...
I was even younger
than you are now
and I didn't know the
first thing about chickens.
They were just a bunch of dumb
birds as far as I was concerned,
but I filled this coop up
with hens,
and then I got
myself one rooster.
Before you knew it he had pecked
two of those hens to death
and scared the living hell
out of all the rest of them,
so they quit laying their eggs.
All that took was one rooster,
and so I shot that rooster.
I didn't see any reason
to do otherwise.
You don't always have
to shoot the rooster.
[music fades]
[gun shot]
[dramatic music]
[soft eerie music]
Robin.
Robin.
- Do you need any...
- I'm gonna bury her.
I can do it if you want me to.
I made the mess, Keat.
I'll clean it up.
[dramatic rumble]
[soft eerie music continues]
You all done?
- Yeah.
- Come with me.
Do you see him?
Nope.
Good.
Where is he?
He was gonna shoot you, Keats.
- That was fast.
- Little old lady.
[Robin] Let's get out of here.
[eerie music]
[Keaton] You comin'?
Yeah.
This is wrong, we can't just
pretend none of this happened.
It's not something we can erase.
This will always follow us.
I had no choice.
Right?
Yeah, right.
You always have a choice.
This right here,
this is a bad one.
[eerie music continues]
I'm gonna go clear my head.
[Bill's echoed voice]
And I saw him lying there...
[Gordie's echoed voice]
What was his name?
[Bill] ...in all the wet
ferns and moss...
[Gordie] You checked.
We all check.
[Bill] ...his blood black
in the moonlight.
Anything that's
buried out there
is meant to stay buried.
Gordie?!
- Gordie?!
- We're never gonna
find him this way, Robin.
- Gordie?!
- Robin, it's a huge woods.
[Robin] We're not splitting up.
[metallic spinning sound]
[tense music intensifying]
[tense music fades]
You should get rid of it.
I should get rid of
a lot of things.
Is that some sort of threat?
The pocket watch.
I thought you said it was,
"beyond repair".
I said it, "might
be beyond repair".
I'll keep noodling with it.
See if anything shakes loose.
You gonna drink that?
Yes.
Yes, I am.
It's been ten years.
There was a guy at a meeting
once that said he kept
a vodka shooter in his pocket
to remind him of his weakness.
I mean, that's all
those meetings were,
reminders of my weakness...
for then fucking years.
That's all I did.
I just wallowed in it.
I wallowed in my weakness.
Banding together
in common weakness
is what creates strength.
It's the only way to deal with
all the horrors in this world.
It's why people get married,
and form friendships
and reunite to relive
the good old days.
[tense music intensifies]
[tense music fades]
[eerie music]
He's probably scared.
It's gonna get dark soon.
- One hour.
- One hour, that's it.
Either way,
if we find him or not.
- You got it. Promise. One hour.
- Be careful.
Yeah, you too.
I'll see you in an hour.
[eerie music fades]
[Soft instrumental music]
[soft instrumental music fades]
[man] Got it all
down there, Gordie?
I sure did. Thanks, Mr. Jay.
Yeah, I'll see you
next time you're around.
Will do, alright. Take care.
[radio in the background]
- Look at you two ding dongs.
- Gordon!
Watch that.
Hey, Santi Clause.
- I gotta deliver presents.
- Yeah, here we go.
- [Robin laughs]
- Here we go.
- [Gordie] Arcadia.
- We're gonna find it one day.
Nope, I don't think it exists.
It's like fuckin' Sasquatch.
Don't you talk about Sasquatch
like that, he's very real.
I don't think so, but it did
give us a very great excuse
to come right back
to the Red River.
I think that the owner's
gonna put you in his will.
You know what? He probably will.
- [Robin laughs]
- But, hey.
- [Robin] Yeah.
- Shh.
- I hate their bourbon.
- What?
- You're fucking with me.
- Nope, I kinda hate it.
- It tastes like gas.
- I thought it was your favorite.
No, not the bourbon,
the distillery, dummy.
[Robin chuckles]
With their [indistinct]
and little Carolyn...
it feels like home.
I feel at peace here,
more so than anywhere
else on the planet, really.
Yeah.
Are you glad you bought
that piece of shit
at a shitty ass yard sale?
It works when it's supposed to
'cause look what just came
hot off the presses.
- [Gordie] Oh!
- [Keaton] Your new bride to be!
That turned out...
You took a good picture.
Yeah, some of them don't turn
out all blurry and fucked up.
You know what I
hope that happens?
- Can I be best man one day?
- Yeah, why not.
I hope that thing crabs out on
you right when we find Arcadia.
Like those people who's
cameras don't work
- when they find Sasquatch!
- Blah, blah.
Uh-oh, Robo's got
Sasquatch on the brain.
[Keaton] Yeah, how could you not
with hairy legs like that.
Don't even try it, I already
called shotgun,
you big dumb dildo.
[Keaton] I wasn't even...
You know, I don't give a fuck.
- Don't give a fuck!
- [Gordie] Shh.
- Gordie, I don't give a fuck!
- Shut up.
[Keaton laughs]
- Shut up. Ow.
- [Robin] Can't do it.
Hey, is this window open?
I got an idea.
Yeah.
[Gordie] Robo, wait.
Woah, wait.
I'm just full of great ideas,
Red River. I'm full of 'em.
- [Gordie] Alright, here we go.
- [Robin] No.
Robo you gotta get up. C'mon.
[Gordie] You gotta help.
Watch your head. Just sit.
[car horn beeps]
[Keaton] That was
not a good idea.
You OK?
Mmm.
OK, here we go.
Do you have my Santa hat?
[Christmas song plays
on car radio]
C'mon, Gordo.
Stay awake.
[car crashes and tires squeak]
[car horn beeps]
[Robin] Gordie?!
[soft music]
Gordie!
Gordie!
Goddammit.
Gordie!
Gordie!
In the flesh.
You look lost, Robo.
Lookin' for you.
[Gordie chuckles]
[Robin] C'mon.
Hey, before we go,
let's have a little
- pow-wow on the log here.
- We don't have time for this.
We have to get back
to the car to get our stuff.
Robo, I got a lot
to tell you, c'mon.
- Gordie, tell me at the car.
- Sit on the fucking log!
OK, look at that, that wasn't
so fucking hard. Good, OK.
Now we're cookin' with gas.
Now, there's a lot I gotta say
I guess I won't
beat around the bush,
I'll just come out and say it.
So here we go.
I didn't mean to grab
your boob the other night.
It was a stupid, idiotic, mean,
bullshit, Gordie thing to do,
and I know I upset you.
You know me, I would
never hurt a friend.
I would never do anything to
hurt you, right? You understand?
- Right, Robin?
- Yeah, of course, Gordie.
[Gordie] "Of course, Gordie!"
There it is.
'Cause as you can see,
I don't have many friends.
As illustrated so well by
the incredible turnout
of my bachelor party!
Wheow!
But then there's the friends
I do have, they mean a lot.
There's one thing I won't do,
is I won't hurt my friends.
But I hurt you the other night
when we were sitting around...
I don't give a fuck
that you grabbed my tit.
- I give a fuck!
- Gordie.
- We just...
- I am the one who gives a fuck!
- I don't give a fuck!
- I fucking care!
I'm the one who only fucking
cares every fucking time!
I care and you know why I care?
It's because I love you.
I always have.
As a friend.
But as...
as a friend...
a friend I treasure.
- I treasure you too, Gordie.
- Mmm.
[creepy music]
I got it.
You can grab my boob right now.
Tit for tat.
Come on, I grabbed your tit,
you grabbed Keaton's,
now grab mine,
a good old D.H Lawrence.
There's really something
fucking wrong with you.
Woah, don't get up.
Sit down.
What? It's OK if Keats does it?
It's fucking so funny
when Keaton does it,
but not Gordie,
I don't let Gordie do it.
What else have you two
been up to?
I know.
[whispering] When you
think everyone's asleep.
Is that it? You go up and
you live it up in Chai town?
And you come back for who?
Not Gordie, never for Gordie.
You come back for
your fuck buddy?
- You're seeing things.
- Yeah.
A lot clearer now.
I just need you
to know something,
look at me.
Robin...
I would never do
anything to hurt you.
Never, ever.
Never, ever
do anything to hurt you.
[Gordie grunts]
Ten years, man.
Ten fucking years.
I thought you were
better than this.
That's a sad fuckin' story.
[Gordie laughs]
[Robin] Find your own way back.
I sure will!
Meet ya at the car, Robo!
[ominous music]
[Gordie laughs]
[Gordie's laugh echoes]
Hey, guys.
New plan.
I'm not digging for
treasure anymore.
I'm not digging my own grave.
So, when I'm done just
fucking bury me, please!
- Groom card.
- I'm gonna beat you
to death with this, man.
I swear to God.
- I will beat you to dea...
- With that?
How much did you save on that
there kitty shovel, Mr. Merlot.
59 cents...
bitch
Robin, I'm sorry.
[soft instrumental music]
Alright, Keats.
Hang it up.
Yeah.
We're done for the day.
[tense music]
Fucking Keaton.
[Keaton] Robin!
- Leave no trace.
- No trace.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Oh.
Hey there, guys.
That oughta do it.
Thought you guys were
gonna leave without me,
let me fend for myself,
just like you did last time.
This isn't anything
like last time.
Ah, no.
I think it's almost
exactly like last time.
Just like last time,
I seemed to be the only one
who gives a shit.
The past has a funny way of
repeating itself
over and over again.
- What the fuck is that, Gordie?
- Oh, yeah.
Except I loaded it this time.
Bullets and balls.
- You told us to leave no trace.
- Gordie?
- What the fuck are you doing?
- That's impossible.
- We all know that's impossible.
- There's no such thing as
leave no trace.
There's always a trace.
Always a trace.
- He's been drinking Red X.
- Always a trace.
[Gordie] Ugh.
Uh-oh.
I've seen this look before.
The "Gordie's lost it" look.
Well, haven't you?
I don't think you've
seen me lose it, Robin.
At least not yet.
- [Robin gasps]
- Hey.
- [Wayne] No, you don't.
- Why shouldn't I?
- You're not that person.
- I've already killed two,
- what's one more?
- [Keaton] What happened to you?
Put the fucking gun down.
I had a bit of a spill
back there, hurt my head
real bad.
It's got me seeing double.
[Gordie laughs]
Just put the fuckin' gun down.
[tense music intensifies]
Anyways.
[tense music fades]
Shotgun.
Where are ya?
There you are, little buddy.
[Keaton] Let's just get
the fuck outta here.
Hm, hm, hm.
[Gordie burps]
[eerie music]
Open the backpack.
- What's that?
- Do it.
[Tense music]
- Just get out of here, Gordie.
- Shut up.
We all just wanna go home.
Open it up, Keats.
Did you have this
at the Bullitt house?
No.
I killed a man because
he accused my friend
of stealin' his money.
Didn't make a difference
whether we had the money or not,
they thought we did
without any proof or anything.
You saw him, Gordie.
You saw him,
he went for that rifle,
but you got to it first.
Remember what you said to me
on the porch?
He was gonna shoot me.
You saved my life.
You saved me.
- He was gonna kill me.
- I killed him.
Yeah.
Don't you get it?
The legend was real.
The legend was real.
It was real, I can't
fucking believe it myself.
But what was it
you said at the bar
about being at a crossroads?
You wanted to come
out in the woods
and look for buried treasure,
well here you go,
buried fucking treasure.
This right here,
- this is truth with a capital T.
- [Robin] Stop.
Keaton, just stop.
This is a lie.
This is all a fucking lie,
you lied to them.
- You had it the whole time,
- No.
and then you lied to us.
I was going to tell you guys,
of course I was gonna tell you,
'cause it's our money.
We found it together for
Gordie's bachelor party.
Together.
Huh?
Yeah, and then sick shooter blew
the guy's fuckin' head off,
- then everything went to shit.
- What's one more exploding head?
You know what? Robin, you've
got blood on your hands too,
both of you. I didn't...
kill anybody.
- I didn't kill anybody.
- You left me alone out there.
You left me alone with him.
Well, that's not really bein'
alone out there now, is it?
You know who was alone?
Me.
Ten years ago,
you remember that?
[eerie music]
I'm driving.
You gotta get the car
to work first, chum.
Robin, you got the keys?
I don't think you know how
automobiles work, dumbass.
So what do you wanna do, Gordie?
You just wanna go camping?
- Come share a bottle and all?
- Yeah, sounds great.
I dunno if you can tell from
what I'm wearing, something
did fuckin' happen right here.
- It looks great.
- Yeah, it was a good time.
You know, Gordie, you were never
the same since that night.
Oh, yeah?
I mean, there were
glimpses of you,
the old you here
and there, but...
it changed you.
Tell me more, professor.
[soft tense music]
You know, some people...
can dig themselves
out of their holes.
Not Gordie Solomon.
You know I have a gun, right?
Huh?
[whispers gun sound]
You tell yourself
you're such a loyal,
caring, selfless friend.
What a guy.
So you don't have to face
what you really are.
And what's that?
A Pisces?
You're nothing.
[tense music intensifies]
[Gordie screams]
[gun shots]
[guitar strings snap]
You motherfuckers!
[tense music fades]
[Gordie coughs]
[Gordie spits]
[someone hums]
[soft eerie music]
[Gordie continues
to cough and spit]
[Wayne hums the
Irish song]
You almost hit me.
I can't believe she
pepper sprayed me.
Well, you did point a gun at her
while threatening to shoot her.
[Gordie breaths loudly]
People listen better this way.
[eerie music]
Or they pepper spray you.
OK.
OK. Good point, yeah.
I got all I need anyways.
Toodle-oo.
[dramatic music]
[Keaton grunts]
[Keaton shrieks]
You still with me?
Not giving up on our friends.
I've ruined my life on account
of my so-called friends.
They get to move on,
do whatever the hell they want.
What do I get?
[Keaton shrieks and moans]
[tense music continues]
[cocks gun]
[they grunt]
[tense music fades]
You do realize he just walked
by a second ago, right?
He's lost.
And so are you,
you selfish asshole.
Yeah.
Well...
That's OK, I think Karma got me.
Jesus, Keaton.
I'm not a doctor
or anything, but...
I think it's a
femoral artery thing.
OK, we gotta get you outta here.
I'm not exactly out here
for the view.
It's not so bad actually.
Alright, I'm gonna go get help.
OK? It just might
take me a while.
No, what are you,
a big bad hunter now?
- He's not in his right mind.
- Yeah, I know.
That's when you need
to keep the fucking gun.
[Keaton]
We lost him, didn't we?
[Robin] I think it was just
a matter of time.
[soft instrumental music]
Look at me. Two bullets.
No, you keep the gun.
When I get back,
we're giving all
that money to charity.
- OK?
- OK.
OK.
Two bullets.
Just walk away, Gordie.
[tense music]
- Whoa.
- Get the fuck away, man.
That doesn't look
very good, Keats.
Now you're gonna
shoot me, is that it?
I don't want to, but you
kinda leave me no choice.
- What the fuck are you doin'?
- Who runs away
from a guy with a loaded gun?
Everybody.
Maybe so, but I don't
feel very comfortable
with you pointing that at me.
Yeah? Well too
fucking bad, man.
- Just stay where you are.
- Hand it over.
Keats, we talked about this,
you need bullets,
you need balls.
- Bullets.
- I will fuckin' shoot you.
Bullets...
[music intensifies]
and...
balls.
[tense music fades]
Yeah.
It's kind of funny,
[eerie ambient music]
I leave the gun back
there and it turns up.
Well...
I am sorry about all this.
Are you?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
You're always sorry, aren't ya?
Yeah.
[Gordie grunts]
You took a drunk...
on the fuckin' bourbon trail.
What were you thinking?
What were you fuckin'
thinking, Keats?
[Gordie laughs]
I don't know.
I just... I don't know.
I don't know,
I just thought maybe...
things could go back to
the way they used to be.
Well, things
used to be a fucking
travesty, Scott.
A fuckin' travesty.
And you know what? For me
there's no such thing
as the good old days anymore.
Just don't
let me die out here
like this, OK?
Well...
We don't get much choice
in that, do we?
[Keaton grunts]
Taking this.
[Gordie clears his throat]
[Dramatic music]
Gordie.
[Keaton shrieks and grunts]
Listen to me, Gordie.
Deep down you're a good person,
but you're burying that
person deeper and deeper.
- "To thine own self be true..."
- I am not a good person!
Not deep down or otherwise.
You know what?
- I'm OK with that.
- That's not true.
You above all people have the
balls to tell me what's true?
You know what you are?
You're a figment.
[soft instrumental music]
You don't know me, Gordie!
You never knew
anything about me!
Not my name and
this ridiculous accent.
You convinced yourself
you knew all about me
in order to make it
easier on yourself.
Or perhaps to make it harder.
You don't know me
any better than
the way in which
you know yourself.
So who are you, Gordon Solomon?
I'm Gordie Solomon...
and I'm an alcoholic.
[Gordie sniffles]
[Gordie chuckles]
Hm, hm.
Wasn't able to fix this.
[dramatic thud]
Wait.
You need your friends.
I need you.
You need your friends, Gordie!
[instrumental music
intensifies]
I need you!
[instrumental music fades]
Hey, buddy. You OK?
Can you hear me?
You alright? OK.
I'm gonna get you
some help, OK?
Can you tell me
what your name is?
Hang on, OK?
[soft instrumental music]
Wayne, hang on for me, OK?
I am so sorry, I was just
trying to get my friends home.
No, Wayne.
Look at me. Hold on.
[instrumental music intensifies]
[instrumental music fades]
[train sounds intensify]
[soft instrumental music]
Gordie?
[Shovel digs into the ground]
[instrumental music fades]
Wayne?
[soft eerie music]
Wayne?
Wayne!
[Wayne] Should we get
out of the street?
[they laugh]
We might get hit.
[creepy music intensifies]
You need your friends, Gordie!
[voices echo] Gordie!
We'll find it this time, guys.
[Robin panting]
[Keaton] You saw him, Gordie.
- Hell or high water.
- [Bill] I never keep 'em loaded.
- You went for that rifle...
- Where did you serve?
You got to it first.
We're just havin' some fun for
old Gordo's bachelor party.
- [Robin] Sad.
- [Keaton] Always sorry.
Keep it bottled up.
Some bachelor party.
[car crashes and tires squeak]
[Robin] Gordie Solomon.
Robin!
[Robin shrieks and crashes]
[dramatic music fades]
[Robin gasps for breath]
[Robin shrieks]
[ominous music]
Gotcha.
Oh, God. What did you do to him?
Oh, yeah, this.
He's probably dead by now.
Let's get a look at you.
[Robin moans]
Wow.
I'm not even gonna ask how...
And there's so many.
You are gonna have
some mighty bad scars.
Yeah.
Yeah, you are never
gonna be the same
again.
Please just leave me alone.
- What's that?
- Leave me alone!
[Robin crying]
Do you even know
what his name was?
- What?
- Wayne!
His name was Wayne.
If I hadn't buried him
the last ten years would've
been a little bit different.
[Gordie] Mm-hmm.
You and Keats get to go
on your merry little way,
live your lovely little lives.
You know what I got?
Guilt.
But not anymore.
[Robin moaning]
[tense music]
This is where I say "I'm sorry",
but I think we both know that
I don't mean it.
[tense music intensifies]
[gun clicks]
[tense music fades]
[Gordie laughs]
Son of a...
[gun shot]
[gun shot]
If this works,
we'll never see
each other again.
[tense music]
- Are you done?
- Yeah.
[Robin] You don't always
have to shoot the rooster.
[wife] I'll just have
to see about that.
[Soft instrumental music]
You don't always have
to shoot the rooster.
[Robin breathes heavily]
[Robin grits her teeth]
[soft instrumental
music continues]
[drum beat]
[radio in the background]
They're lucky to have you
in those meetings, you know?
Old Gordie, you're
the best listener I know.
What's that?
[Robin laughs]
Yeah, all I'm doin'
right now is listening.
Haven't had the nerve yet
to start talkin' myself.
Well, don't keep it
all bottled up.
Did you guys order without me?
Look who it is.
- We figured we'd wait for ya.
- [Robin] To pay!
To pay? Oh, gosh. Let's see
what's on the menu then.
Tap water and peanuts.
- [Keaton] For everybody!
- [Robin] What a guy!
Look at me, I'm so generous.
- I'm hungry.
- What do you want there?
- I don't know.
- I don't know if you knew this,
but they actually
increase the prices.
- They jack 'em up on holidays.
- No, they don't.
- Especially New Year.
- You always say that.
- And they give you less.
- They might be doin' the draft.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Well, I'm glad I'm a woman.
Yeah, I hope they diagnose me
with flat feet or somethin'.
[Keaton laughs]
What do you say, guys?
Onion rings before midnight?
No!
- [Keaton] Cheese sticks?
- [Robin] Yes!
- Cheese sticks!
- Get two orders.
Before or after midnight?
It's two minutes to midnight.
- You gotta be shittin' me.
- [Robin] No.
My watch says ten-forty...
- Fucking yard sales, motherfu...
- Yard sales.
[Robin] Hey, you know a broken
watch is right twice a day?
Yeah, it is and it's wrong
every other time.
You guys ever think
about what we did?
Hey, let's ring in 1968
and we'll talk about that.
- Later, OK?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you're right, I'm sorry.
- [Keaton] No, it's...
- Save me some cheese sticks, OK?
- Yeah, sure thing.
God. Another year. Flies by.
Yeah, it's hard to believe.
Well...
1968. Hey...
I'm gonna go. You know the
whole small bladder thing.
Another year down,
another year to go.
- Here we go.
- One day at a time.
[fireworks crackle]
Ten, nine,
eight, seven,
six, five,
four, three,
[voices echo and fade]
[everyone cheers]
[Gordie hums Irish song]
[another voice hums along]
Why are Irish songs
always so sad?
[Irish melody plays]