Bushwhacked (1995) Movie Script

(music starts) " Bee Gees
- Staying Alive "
What can I get you, bro?
Two packs of Marlboros, some
Sno Balls and a jumbo coke.
- Oh, thank you!
- You look Lovely today.
Hey Johnny, how are you?
- Hey Grabelski! The
boss is looking for you.
Aw, don't worry about him.
- I'm going to! If I could just,
I'm going to... - What's up boss?
Hello, Heather!
All right, Grabelski,
what's going on here?
You got another priority package for Timberline Inc.
And once again, there is a special request for you!
You know, you've been going over there alot lately,
you got a little something going on over there?
Uh, maybe...
- Grabelski, you're living in a dream world!
- So?
So! Dream on your own time "10AM
guaranteed" means 10AM, guaranteed!
I'll get to you after work.
This place gives me the "willy's"...
Let's make this fast. Give them
the package and get the " tip. "
Anybody home?
Hey, Mr. Bragdon?
It's me, Max.
And it's 10 o'clock
sharp. Just like you said
Just give me that 50 dollar tip...
...and I'll be on my way!
Hey boss...
...where are you?
...you in here?
Mmm! Boy, something smells good.
Hey Mr. B...
What's cooking? Ha! ha
Oh God! Fire!
Mr. Bragdon!
Are you in there?
Are you in there?
- FBI, you're under arrest!
- There's a fire in there!
Put your hands up, Grabelski!
But, there's a fire in there!
FBI, you are under arrest!
You idiot!
Hey, I'm telling you,
there is a fire in there!
- Yea... and you started it!
- I did not!
Alright, don't, don't,
don't do anything stupid.
Try and stop me!
Hey! We're going to get you! Your mine!
The FBI is going to get you, boy!
Freedom Express!
- Marty, it's me, Max.
- Grabelski, what the hell is going on with you? There's a guy on TV says you killed somebody!
I know, but it's not true!
I didn't do it! I was set up!
A set-up? What are you talking about?
I got to know, if there is another package
for Timberline Inc! For Reinhardt Bragdon!
What the hell does Reinhardt
Bragdon got to do with anything?
Because, that's the guy I killed!
Oh, so you did kill somebody!
No! I told you, I was framed!
- Marty, the package!
All right, all right.
We believe the murderer is
a man, named Max Grabelski.
The motive is robbery. A million dollars of old money, which
was scheduled to be taken out of circulation has been recovered.
Mr. Bragdon, who's job it was to destroy this old
currency, uncovered the crime and he was murdered for it.
Marty! Marty!
His body was burned beyond recognition and
we had to identify him using only his teeth.
- It was gross, I'm telling
you. It was really, really gross!
Your in luck. I found it.
It says, it is supposed
to be delivered on Monday.
That's three days. Same address?
No, it says this package is going
to some place called... Devil's Peak?
That's up in the mountains.
Who the hell goes to the mountains?
Come on guys! Keep
climbing. We're almost there!
I'm slipping, Gordy! I'm scared!
Don't worry, Fishman. I got you.
This reminds me of the
time I scaled Kilimanjaro!
We're going to make it!
We're going to make it!
Hey, can I play, too?
Kid, go home!
We're not playing, we're practicing.
You guys are silly.
Hey, Troop 12, your scout leader's here!
Hi mom...
Hi guys...
Hey, go on inside. We have a new project.
We're going to get our cooking badges.
Gordy, you're suppose to get your cooking badge,
by roasting a porcupine with a magnifying glass!
This is Home Ec!
Hey, check it out! Lynn
Straders in her underwear!
Let me see!
Oh, sorry! She just ducked
behind the Kligman's house
Barnhill, you're such a liar!
You're such a shrimp!
Take that back!
Make me shrimp!
- Liar!
Oh, that hurt alot!
It says here that mini-marshmallows in
chocolate pudding, creates a visual feast.
Aah! He's crazy!
For our fire badge, we had a
weenie roast in your backyard!
Give her a break, Ralph, ok?
We've been giving her
a break for six months!
Hey, hey. What's going on in here?
Come on. Settle down guys.
I have a surprise for you.
- Another surprise!
- Don't worry. It'll get better.
It can't get worse.
I'd like you to meet Kelsey Jordan.
She's the newest member of the troop.
What troop?
Our troop, dear.
Ranger Scouts are for guys.
Yeah. Guys in aprons!
- Ranger Scouts. Yes. Um..
can I rent a Scout Leader?
Step away from the vehicle! You
are too close to the vehicle!
Got your keys?
I hate to do this, but...
Hey, mister!
I got to make a dookie.
I got to make a dookie!
My mom says that the guy who is taking
us, has hiked all over the world!
He won't be half as good as the guide
me and my dad had in the Serengeti.
Barnhill, if your dad is so freakin
cool, then why isn't he our scout leader?
Oh Yeah! Spies have a
lot of time for scouts
Pills, pills! Stay in the front seat.
Air bag, son. Air bag.
Hey, where's Dana?
His dad wouldn't sign his permission
slip, says he isn't big enough to go.
- Nice dolls!
- Did you bring a pretty pink
umbrella in case it starts to rain?
No, I figured we could all just crouch under
a pair of your underwear and wait it out!
- Oh rejected! Ha! ha!
Ok. Everybody buckle up!
Please wait!
Dana, what are you doing here, honey? I
thought your dad said you couldn't come.
He changed his mind.
Here, my permission slip.
Well, good for you.
Good job, Dana! We're going
on a real overnight now!
This guy, Patterson? Did he
really kill a mountain lion?
That's what they said...
He climbed K2 with a broken ankle?...
Yep, he saved ten
people from an avalanche.
I can't wait to meet this guy!
Where the heck am I?
Handi-capped... huh?
Hey there...
Need a little information.
They're talking about the
guy who killed that banker.
Police have released photos...
Excuse me!
I'm looking for a place
called Devils Peak.
Devils Peak?
Mmm... the turn-off is
a couple miles north.
But, that's a tough climb.
What kind of a car you driving?
The one parked in
the handi-capped zone!
"I am an inconsiderate person"
Hey, Sergeant Doofus, did you
paste that note to my window?
That's right, cupcake! A
little lesson in common decency.
Sure, it'll be a little trouble getting it off, just like the trouble you would have
caused some handi-capped person had they needed to pull in here and relieve themselves!
Hey, hey! I just heard on the TV,
that Mad Max is heading this way.
He's driving a stolen Volvo.
A blue Volvo station... wagon.
coming this...
All right! Freeze!
Take it easy!
Now, you are going to pretend to me.
Give yourself up, boy?
Give me that glue!
You still got a chance
to be a fine young scout!
Where is that glue!?
Top pocket!
Put your palms up!
- OK. Grab a hold of the wheel!
- Are you nuts?
I said, grab the wheel!
Come on! I have a gun for chrissakes!
You're going to pay for this, mister.
Now, put your chin there.
- You do know this stuff is permanent!
- Do it!
Hey, I can't drive like this!
Just keep driving south. Don't stop
driving until you get to Mxico!
I'll be right behind you the whole time!
Don't try any funny stuff or
I'll blow your butt off. Got it?
Got it: Keep driving, no
funny stuff, blow butt off.
Looks like this guy is a no-show...
Maybe he's picking up some
special gear or something.
Get out of the way!
What is this a parade?
Would you move your wrinkled
asses? I'm in a hurry here!
Yea, I am going to run you over...
I swear to God, I don't know how
it happened! It's all a big mistake!
You got to believe me! I'm sorry!
I'm so sorry!
Don't be so hard on your self?
So you're a little late...
I'm sure the kids are
still raring to go.
Wait a minute. Here we go, guys!
I found him!
You guys, we're going on an overnight!
They're all yours.
One at a time, please. One at a time.
Whoa, check out the hiking
shoes! What kind are those?
They're, uh... Italian!
Must be those new hydro
moons I've heard about.
Ok, settle down guys. I'm sure that Scout Leader Erickson will
answer the rest of your questions right around the campfire.
Scout Leader?
Can you tell us about the
time you soloed the big E!
Yeah, tell us!
The time I what?
- Climbed Mount Everest.
- Tell us. Please...
Everest? Uh...
It was a bitch!
Oh, let me tell you. Them
Alps... they can get pretty..
I would imagine they could.
I thought Mount Everest
was in the Himalayas.
- Huh?
- Yea, she's right!
Yeah. Oh, yeah! Yes... But uh...
I had to cross the Alps to get there.
The man's a God.
Wow. That's quite a hike!
Oh ho! ha! ha!
Let's get our stuff together.
It's time for our
sleepover in the woods.
Sleepover in the woods?
I'm Aggie Patterson. Hi.
I just wanted to say, that I think it's wonderful thing, that a
man of your achievement has taken the time for the youth of America.
Wh... ha... whew?
Oh. And Mr. Erickson. I like
to keep the kids... gum free.
Thank you.
Well, sir. Off you go!
Hey, sir? Can we make smores?
- Cause I brought graham crackers...
- What the hell am I doing here?
- Can you teach me how to whittle?
How come you didn't bring a pack, sir?
What do you mean...
In fact. I brought two.
Who's got a light?
I do.
You're not going to leave
that on the floor, are you?
Your right.
Got to cover my tracks!
What's he doing?
Alright, bunk 12...
I want you to walk.
I want you to walk away from here and
walk to where ever it was you were going.
And I will disappear. Into the jungle. And from a
safe distance, I will evaluate your walking skills
- Oh?
- Alright.
Alright, walk. Walk away.
Bye, bye!
Looking good!
Ok. I'm out of here.
Guys, stand up straight.
Remember, he's watching.
Help! Help me!
Help! Help!
- Mr. Erickson!
Would it be all right,
if we called you "Spider"?
Why the hell would you
want to call me that?
Because, it's your nickname?
Well fine then. Call me "Spider. "
Spider. Spider... Spider!
How come your nickname is Spider?
Because, I once killed a kid, who
called me Spider one time too many!
How could they call you Spider one time too
many, if your nickname wasn't already Spider?
Spider! Spider! Spider!
Grabelski, put your hands up
and step out of the vehicle!
I can't!
I repeat: Put your hands up
and step out of the vehicle!
And I repeat: I can't!
You've got the wrong guy!
You don't come out, peacefully, we
are going to take you out by force!
No, no! Wait! Wait!
I'm glued..!
This is it? We finally go on an overnight
and we end up at Gran Central Station?
It's better then my back yard.
Not by much.
Let's show Spider, we
know what we are doing.
Where is Spider, anyway?
Ahh! Help me!
They're eating me alive!
Here. Try my bug repellent.
Oh, Good!
Thank you. That's good.
That's a little Tangy. [Throwing up... ]
The manual says, "Always find level
ground to pitch your tent on. "
Let's do that.
Too bad we can't go to Coyote
Flats. That's only two miles.
And Red Rock Bluff is only 4 miles, but I guess
that's kind of far for a little Miss Ranger Scout.
Oh yea, I could get all the way to Devils Peak
and back before you could get your compass out!
Oh right, seriously.
Devils Peak?
How do you know about Devils Peak?
Um... its there..
right behind your head.
"Devils Peak"
I don't know, sir. Looks
like a pretty tough climb.
It says class six. That means
only the most experienced climbers
How tough could it be? It's this far!
What are you guys? A
bunch of Tenderfoots?
Not yet,sir. We need six more badges.
Well let me tell you how you
are going to get those badges!
By matching your wits
against that mountain!
By taking everything that bad boy has to offer
and getting good old Max to where he needs to go.
Who's Max?
Who's Max?
Max... is all of us! Because we are
going to push ourselves to the max!
- Are you with me?
- YEA!
To Devils Peak?
- To Devils Peak!
- All right! Let's go!
Officer, Officer...
What's happening with the children?
Ma'am, I don't know. You just
have to wait for the Feds.
What Feds? What's going on?
- I don't know.
- Somebody must know?
What the hell gave you the right
to take away my little Dana?
Mr. Jareki, he had a permission
slip, like everybody else!
Come on lady, you can't tell the difference
between my signature and a little ten year old's?
Who's Agatha Patterson?
I am.
Excuse me sweetheart, is this
the man you think took the kids?
Yes, it is.
We've got a fugitive on
the loose here, people.
He is armed, he is dangerous. And
he's got himself some hostages.
What are you talking about!
Help Aggie! Aggie? Help!
- What are you doing!
- Oh Dear me! Somebody get her some water!
This Scout is ready.
Now let's get going?
Ready for what? We're
going after this guy alone.
Trust me G-man. You don't take me, you won't
get within 2000 vertical feet of this guy
Listen pal, I know this Grabelski. And I'm just as good in the
woods as he is. And I don't have six little hostages slowing me down.
Without me... you got no chance.
Ok. You come along.
Just remember one thing:
I call the shots. You..
just do the tracking.
Are we there yet?
Spider, are you alright?
Fishman, give me a match.
One second. I'm working
on my bird-watching badge.
I see a scrub jay and a
nuthatch and a SWAT team!
Police... lots of them!
- Oh boy! Oh boy!
I've got to hide!
We have got to hide!
You mean wilderness survival?
Come on! Come on! We've got to make
up ground while we still got the light.
- See anything?
- Not yet, sir.
Spider, shouldn't we
be on a regular trail?
Kid,... questions like
that could get us killed.
- A little cooler than my mom, huh?
- Oh, yeah!
What? What? What? What?
Spider, look!
That's the big deal?
It's Winnie the Pooh!
Hey, Boo Boo.
What's the matter? You lost?
No collar, must be a stray.
Spider, I don't think
that's a good idea.
Oh relax. He's a pussycat.
Uh, Spider, maybe you shouldn't.
Come on. Give me your paw.
He's sucking my thumb!
That's not the one I saw.
That' not the one I saw!
Nice kitty!
My God, he's dead!
No, no he's not dead! It says in the manual. When you
are attacked by a bear, you are suppose to play dead.
Whoa, he's a monster!
Ohh... that's not good!
I must say, that was an awesome
demonstration of how to handle a bear attack!
What's he doing?
- Spider?
- Wake him up!
Auntie EM?
What happened?
You were attacked by
a giant grizzly bear!
Oh, but you played dead like a genius!
Yea, it was incredible!
Of course I did!
And I do not want to have to
show you guys that one again, ok?
Alright, now let's move out! Come on.
Move. Get out of here.
March on. March away!
I'm alive!
Little tougher than the
StairMaster, eh, G-man? Heh.
Hey. Listen, iron balls.
You take your time!
I know guys like this Grabelski,
when the pressure's on, they crack.
Scouts chanting to the tune of " Sound Off.
" We sing and sing 'cause that's our thing.
You know this song will never end.
Cause when it's done we start again.
1, 2, 3, 4.
We're Troop 12, the scouts' top crew.
We're honest, kind, and real fun, too.
We yell hurrah, we yell hooray.
We run and dance and sing and play.
We do good deeds, we help our friends...
Alright! Knock it off!
What is that? "We run and
dance and sing and play"?
My mom kind of wrote the words.
Well, they suck! OK.
I got to pee, I got to pee!
So who's stopping you?
30 years of scouting tells me,
we've made up a good chunk of ground.
Hey! Ah, ha ha!
Oh, that's the ticket! A little
spritz of cool clean mountain rain!
Shake your lizard. Let it drain!
Move your hips and spell your name!
Send it straight and send it hard.,
Now a sword fight. Go! En garde!
I got some bad news for you, Palmer.
That ain't rain.
Eat your veggies. Eat your starches,
Lean back, boys! Golden arches!
Whew. Alright.
Now, flip 'em and zip
'em and let's get moving.
- Hey. You. Don't move!
Spider, we just pissed
on some guy's head!
- You!
Oh, fu... dge!
Running badge time!
Come on!
Let's get vertical!
Wait. You expect me to climb
up there with just my hands?
That's right doughboy!
That's how it's done.
Hey, how about when you get up
there, you throw me down a ladder?
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!
[Palmer] I think I pulled something.
Come on G-man! They're getting away.
Come on! Come on!
Put your left hand on the
rock, higher above your head.
Well, what are you
waiting for? Get going!
Spider, are you sure
that bridge is safe?
Why, what's the matter, you scared?
Let me tell you something, honey:
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
Spider, I'm afraid, too!
Shut up, you gutless
worm, I'm talking to her!
Put your right foot up there!
Put the right.. No, the left! Your
feet are crossed! His feet are crossed.
Come on, we can't just
stand here, we gotta move!
I'll go first.
You will?
Let's go!
All of you, move it. Come on!
Hey guys...
It's easy!
Jeez, Gordy! Quit goofing around!
Gordy, you ok?
- We gotta move faster, man, come on!
- No!
Safety first. We got to go slow.
Safety first.
I'll be right back!
Keep going!
Come on man! They're getting away!
- Help me up.
- How much do you weigh?
This guy weighs a damn ton!
Oh, no!
Run! Run! Go, go, go!
Go, go, go!
Move it, come on!
Faster, you little...!
Move it, come on, keep going!
Spider? Sir?
We got them!
Fishman, get over here!
I can't! I'm having a little vertigo!
I'm stuck!
I don't believe it!
Spider! Are you nuts?
Maybe, I am.
Now, get over here!
Stay with me, G-man! Stay with me!
Alright, here we go!
Goodbye, Grabelski!
Hello, one million!
Don't you dare! There's
a scout on that bridge!
Come on!
Get over here!
You may find this hard to believe,
but I am a little bit of a coward!
You are not a coward! You are
Milton Fishman, the superstud!
Say that. Say.. "I'm Milton
Fishman, the superstud!"
It will give you courage.
"I'm Milton Fishman, superstud"
I'm Milton Fishman, superstud!
It's not working.
eww oof...!
Alright! That's it, Fishman.
Last thread.
It's been nice knowing you.
I'm Milton Fishman, superstud!
That's it!
Come on!
Come on!
Spider, I did it! I really did it!
I'm proud of you!
Now, Get the hell out of here!
Well, tracker man! What do we do now?
We got no choice.
Got to go around.
All right! Everybody stay calm.
We have no good news as of yet.
- Will you please be
quiet and let him speak?
And no news... No.
"No news... is no news!
unless it's good news.
but we have no news, so...
I'm getting hungry!
Could we stop for a rest!
Wouldn't it be best if we
camped here for the night?
Alright, I guess we
bought ourselves some time.
Bought ourselves time for what?
Well, guys, we got to start a fire.
Better start looking for pinecones.
It says in the manual, whenever your camp is surrounded
by green wood, always use pinecones to start your fire.
If the manual told you to stick your
weiner in a light socket, would you do it?
Check this thing out! It's huge!
Mine's huger!
Hey, guy's, there's
lots of them up here!
Look at this baby! Big as a football!
Hit me, hit me!
Go, go!
4, 44!... 4, 44!
To me, Spider!
Red dog! Red dog! Hut! Hut! Hut!...
Way back! Way back...
Nobody is open!
He's going to have to run it!
I don't think that's a pinecone...
Oh, Mother...
You haven't had one of those seizures
for about 20 minutes, that's a good sign!
How does that feel?
Ahh, that's good! That's good. Ahh!
He didn't know the difference
between a beehive and a pinecone?
What are you thinking?
I don't know yet...
Davy Crockett, did
you catch anything yet?
That's right. Make jokes. That's
what's wrong with this country,
everybody wants it now.
Nobody, is willing to hunt
down, what they really need.
That's what I try to teach my kids.
To hunt down the goodness in life.
You might say, "I'm the thin tacky
line between morality and depravity. "
And friend,
there's no telling what kind of
depravity, Grabelski, is up to right now.
Here we go. Here we go.
I got the tent up!
What are you working on?
It's a crystal diode receiver.
You know what that is, right?
Yes, of course I do.
Oh, yes...
That is a beauty.
That's the toolbox.
Look what I got!
Whoa! What is this!
Bet you never seen anything
like that before huh, Barnhill?
Probably don't know anything about
the birds and the bees! Butthead.
Oh, and you do?
Yeah, that's right, I do.
Oh, yeah?
Well, than explain it to us?
Well, I...
I know it's about making babies...
And that it takes a man and a woman...
to make it work right...
and that they both
have to go in a room...
and they both take their shirts off...
No, no, no! The man doesn't
have to take his shirt off!
Just the woman!
What have you kids got there?
Give me that!
You guys shouldn't be looking at this!
Could you tell us about
the birds and the bees?
I don't think I'm really
the right person to... uh
It says in the manual that, the Scout Leader
is suppose to tell us about that kind of stuff!
Yea, really!
Well, if it says in the manual...
All right...
Hey, let me borrow your dollies, honey.
Once upon a time, there was a man
dolly and there was a lady dolly.
And they fell in Love.
Tonight, on EyeWitness America,
Scout's Honor
- the hostage crisis. Day one.
Oh my... my. Our son's a hostage.
Let me tell you something: Whatever he is going through
right now, I'm holding you personally responsible!
Work it, baby! Work
it! Oh, that's good! Oh!
That's it, oh, right there. Oh,
that's good! Hee. Hee. Ha. Ha.
OH! OH! OH! That's it. Whoa! Oh, Yea!
Oh, that's how Daddy likes
it! Hee. Hee. Hee. Hee.
Everybody start your
engines. Aaaa oooh ga!
Then, the man has a cigarette, watches
a little Leno... and goes to sleep.
Any questions?
Hey, guys! Come on. I got one:
OK, what if a blizzard came
in and everybody else died...
Now, you can either starve to death or
you could eat the frozen bodies and live?
- I'd eat the bodies!
- But you'd eat anything!
I'd eat the bodies, I'd
probably eat the bodies...
Not your body, but I might
take a chomp on you...
Hey Spider. You do one.
Let me see...
What would you do if you
were a delivery guy...
your down to your last package and you pull
up to the house and it's a huge mansion...
I mean the biggest house you ever saw!
You ring the bell, the door opens,
and there's this sharp
looking guy in a suit.
And he pulls you inside and he says:
Today, is your lucky day!
I got a deal I want to make with you.
I've got six packages coming to
me, over the next three weeks.
If you can deliver them at 10
o'clock sharp, when it is dark,
I will give you 50 dollars a package.
- Sounds weird...
- No, sounds pretty cool!
So you say to the guy:
What's in the package?
He says: I can't tell.
Because, both of our
lives might be in danger.
This is a good one!
Now, part of you knows, there's
something fishy going on here...
but the other part of you is thinking, this
secret package stuff, might be kind of exciting...
Kind of like a spy, or something!
I mean,... being a delivery
guy, that can get kinda boring!
Anyway, the guy takes a real 50
dollar bill and he slaps in your hand.
And he says to you: Are you in?
Now, what do you do?
Do you take the deal?
It sounds like a set-up.
And illegal.
And the guy sounds
like a total criminal.
- Do you know him at all?
- No.
- Does any one go with you? Are there any witnesses?
- No...
- Is there any way of protecting yourself, so you're not blindly walking into a trap?
- No...
Only a sucker would fall for that...
or a stupid!
Or a moron!
Or an idiot.
Or a sleazeball.
Spider, do another one...
that one was way too easy.
I'm going to hit the hay...
Ok, I'll do one.
Can you really hear anything?
The thoughts and prayers
of the entire country...
Ah, religious program.
...remain with Scout Troop 12.
Hey, that... that's us!
Why are they talking
about us on the radio?
...who are being held hostage
by a psychotic murderer!
His name's not Spider,
it's "Mad Max Grabelski"!
- It's him.
- Oh, no!
Guys, quiet!
Oh God, we are trapped with a killer!
A psycho killer!
I don't think they
even cover that in here!
Come on, we're Scouts,
Remember? Let's act like it!
We're all going to die!
Let me at him! I'll bust him
up! I'll handle him myself!
Are you crazy? You midget? We're dead.
There're never going to find us up here!
We'll take care of that.
Hurry up, Fish!
"H" is two longs and one short.
No, no. Stop. Stop. Wait!
Two shorts and one long.
Oh, Great, what are we supposed
to do? Cross that letter out?
God bless those little scouts!
What? What do you see? What do you see?
Smoke signals, right by the book.
- Oh, yeah.
- Well, almost.
Well, what do they say?
"Belp", "Belp. "
Ok, here we go.
Some allergy medicine,
some cough syrup,
and some sleeping pills.
Are you sure it's
going to knock him out?
One sip, and he's Sleeping Beauty.
Ok guys, we got a lot
of ground to cover today.
Oh, God, this had better work.
Come on, Fishman, you can do it.
- Make sure he drinks the whole thing.
- Don't be scared.
Hi, hello there?
Want a drink?
But you're thirsty now. I can see it!
Fishman! I don't want a drink!
What do think, Gordy? Doesn't
Spider look a little... parched?
Give me the canteen.
That is good!
Woo! Thank you!
I feel good!
Sleeping beauty, huh?
Come on guys, keep up!
Everybody now! We come
proud, the Cub Scout Troop!
Ow! Ow!
I... I sprained my ankle!
Come on, Ralph!
Come on, shake it off.
Use the other one.
I think I sprained
mine, too, Mr. Grabelski.
What did you call me?
I called you... Polinski. I had a Dr. Polinski once.
I don't know why you suddenly reminded me of him.
He treated me for cryptorchidism...
... Undescended left testicle.
Funny! I can feel it going
back up there right now.
You called me, Grabelski.
How did you know my name?
Oh, God...
How did you know my name?
I want some answers!
Please don't kill us, Mad Max!
- We caught, Mad Max! He's over here!
Well, what do you know! I'll take six
Ranger Scouts over one Federal man, anyday!
They captured, Grabelski!
I didn't do any thing!
We're not feeling sorry
for you, you're a murderer!
I didn't kill anybody. I'm innocent.
Well done, youths! Ha. Ha!
I'm Agent Palmer, FBI.
I thought there were two of you?
No, uh,.. only me.
All right. All right. All right. You're all
heroes... everyone of you. Very, very, very wonderful.
Ok, over here.
You just wait here for the rescue
team. I will take care of the bad guy.
Come on, Mad Max! Move it! Let's go!
Take care, kids.
Get up!
I can prove I didn't do it!
Just let me get to Devils Peak!
- There's another package of money!
- Save it for some one who cares!
A helicopter! We're saved!
- Where's he going?
- Something's not right...
Uh! What is it with you and the pushing?
I want to speak to your superior!
Is that him?
Mr. Bragdon?
Mr. Bragdon, you're alive!
Hey, he's alive!
Hello Maxwell.
Look, it's over. This guy's an FBI
agent. You got to give yourself up.
So what! So the plan
blew up in your face?
The important thing is,
you have your health.
And... your teeth...
Wait a minute! I thought they
found your teeth in the fire!
Yes, it was a bit inconvenient having them all pulled, but
at $1 million dollars a tooth, I think it was well worth it!
Kill him.
Kill him? I can't kill him!
He's just doing his job!
No, no, Maxwell. Not him,... you.
Wa.. wait a minute.
You guys are in this together.
He's in on this? And you're with him?
And when you are done with him,
make sure you kill the kids.
The kids? Hey!
Come on. Move it.
Max was telling the truth!
We got to rescue him!
Yea, but, how are we
going to beat those guys?
I got an idea.
Everybody, close your eyes.
Oh boy!
Why did you pick me?
Because, you're a pathetic loser
Max. Nobody gives a damn about you.
You're wrong! We give a damn! Fire!
Kelsey, your training
bra is working great!
That's the way to go, kids!
This is almost like
getting to second base.
Keep them coming!
Oh no...
You little brats!
Oh, my God!
Not me! I'll take them both on!
Kiddies! Don't run away!
I just want to talk to you!
Come back here!
- Where's Dana?
- I don't know! He's gone!
Come on!
- What are we going to do?
- We got to jump!
Come on, they're trapped!
Come back here, kiddies! Come
back here you little brats!
This better get us swimming badges!
Come on, Fishman. You got to jump!
Superstud! Superstud! I'm Superstud!
What is with these
kids? Quick, the chopper!
- I can't swim!
- I got you!
- Those kids are nuts!
- Forget about the kids! Let's find Grabelski!
- Max!
- Gordy!
Come here!
I got you! I got you!
Grab on to me, Fishman!
You know, Kelsey? I think
you're a hell of a scout!
- Where's Dana?
- I don't know!
Oh, my God, we've
lost Dana! Where is he?
I see him, I see him! We passed him!
All right, all right, all
right. I'm turning around.
Kids, I got you.
Waterfall! Hold on! Get to
the side! Swim to the side
Max. Grab onto something!
Hi, Max!
Where have you been? We've
been worried sick about you!
Shut up and hold on!
Pull! Pull!
Don't let go!
Hang on! Pull!
Hold on, Dana, come on kids!
Get out!
- Yeah!
- Come on, get out.
Way to go, shorty!
I might be short, but I'm real strong!
What is that?
- Throw your packs in the river! - What
are you doing? - They'll think we're dead!
Throw them in! Throw them!
Do it! Throw them in!
You can't! My climbing
stuff is in there!
Give it! Ugh!
Go! Go!
Get in the bushes! Hide!
Let's go! Let's hide! Come on!
It shouldn't be this hard to kill
six little scouts and one moron?
Relax, what we couldn't do
Mother Nature did for us.
Hey, it worked! Yeah!
Now what?
I'm sick. I'm definitely getting sick.
Guys! Come on! I found a cave!
Yeah! You guys, let's go!
I'm coming!
Mrs. Patterson, hi, you know I have to apologize
to you. I've been dumping my anxiety on you.
And I feel terrible. I have a terrible temper I know, but
Dana is my first. And I get very emotional, you know, and..
I remember when he came out at the hospital
he was so small, he was like a little duckling.
- Mr. Jarecki...
- Huh?
I think you need to call your
wife. She's probably very worried.
Oh, yeah. Whew.
My wife, call my wife. You got
20 cents I could borrow, please?
- I don't have...
- Take what you need.
Thank you. Thank you. You're good.
Devil's Peak?
You know, if we go after Bragdon before
daybreak, we'd be able to catch him by surprise.
Yeah, that would work!
Go right down and rip his head off!
- Yea, we could beat him up...
- We could dissect him!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That's too dangerous!
But we have to make sure the
whole world knows you're innocent.
I mean, you're our scout leader!
You are still going to be
our scout leader, right?
of course I am.
If you get the electric chair, you should put
a light bulb in your mouth, like Uncle Fester.
That's a good idea.
Hey Max!
You're up early.
Is something wrong?
No, nothing's wrong. Everything's right. Should
be up on Devils Peak in about three hours.
Intercept the package, turn it in,
and be done with this whole thing.
Yeah, I'll go wake the guys.
Sure you want to do this?
What are you kidding? We didn't
come this far to quit now!
Go scout ahead.
Two hours.
Oh boy! We're never going to make it.
Devil's Peak, Devil's Peak.
Ok, Devil's Peak. I knew it.
Reinhardt Bragdon! Here we go.
Mr. McMurrey, I found something!
Well, if it isn't
Scout Mother Patterson!
Sorry, but this is a private briefing.
Max Grabelski is
heading to Devil's Peak.
Devil's Peak. Why would he
want to go to Devil's Peak?
There's a cabin up there and
it belongs to Reinhardt Bragdon!
How do you know that?
I'm a real estate broker. That house
has been on the listings for six months.
A real estate broker! Ok. Ok. Well, thank
you very much for the tip. I'm sorry... but
Look, I just told you
where those kids are.
Now, you get your skinny butt
up there and you rescue them!
Or do I have to do it alone?
Oh, God.
Come on guys, just
like what we practiced!
I'm telling you, just let me
break out my Kilimanjaro gear!
- Barnhill, you're so full of it!
- You're such a B.S.er!
- Did you just rip one?
- I did not!
Yes, you did. You stink!
Will you guys knock it off?
I can't climb behind this guy anymore!
- Why are you blaming me?
- Don't make me climb down there!
Damn it!
May I be of some assistance?
Oh, no...
How are we going to get over there?
There's no more ledge,
we can't get across.
You're going to need to use these.
Here we go!
Hold this.
That's your climbing rope,
this is your hammer,
and these,
are the pitons.
Hammer a piton into
the crack in the rock.
Barnhill, would you knock it off! You
have no idea what you're talking about!
Then all you got to do is just pass the
rope through and then belay yourself off.
"Belay myself off "?
Belay myself off?!
Hey Maxie, hit that thing till it rings!
He's going to get killed...
Barnhill, I know this is
a bad time to be asking,..
but you really did
climb Kilimanjaro, right?
I'm telling you. I did!
That's good, that's good.
Ok, because, if you didn't, tell me now
and I promise, I won't
get mad or anything.
I swear!
See? Nothing to it!
Piece of cake!
- What is the matter with you?
- I demand that you do something!
- You demand?
When there is something to
do, we will do something!
But, Mrs. Patterson told you, they're
in some cabin somewhere out there?
Right, Aggie? Aggie...?
Keep going guys.
You're going to make it!
Whatever you do, just don't look down!
Too late!
We're going to make it!
Max, give me your hand!
I don't believe it!
Well, Max, we tried, anyway!
Not everything!
According to your body mass, you should be
able to hold out for another... 31/2 minutes.
Oh, good. Then take your time!
Ay! My fingers!
Oh, very funny!
Where's the truck, already?
Relax, the truck will be here
at 10:00. It's guaranteed!
Look, killing Grabelski is one thing,
I wasn't counting on killing those kids!
We got a big bundle here. Why don't
we just take this and move out?
That truck is delivering
the last $10 million dollars.
We're not going anywhere.
I can't believe we just did it, guys.
We made it!
We made it! Yes!
Devil's Peak. We made it.
Hey, there's the truck. Hide! Hide!
Right on time!
10AM, guaranteed!
Sign this.
What do you see, Fishman.
I see the FBI guy,
I see the other guy
loading money into suitcases
and I see Gordy's mom, tied to a chair.
Max, what are we going to do?
I'm thinking... Sir?
I'm thinking!
This will work.
- We're going with you!
- Yeah! We're going too!
No! I said no!
It's my mom!
Listen! I got us into this
mess... and I'm going to get us...
I'm going to get us out of this mess!
Oh, boy!
Is something wrong?
Well, then, start loading
the money in the chopper.
Guys, please! Just sit tight
and stay here where it's safe!
Aah! Oh, my God!
This is too touching for words.
Don't worry, Grabelski. You're
going to be the first one to get it.
No! Don't! Listen.
I just want to tell you one thing!
...you are a disgrace to the FBI!
Oh, that hurts!
Now, I just want to tell you one thing:
You're a dead man!
Hey, cupcake!
Oh, no!
Sergeant Doofus!
You and I got to have
a little talk, mister.
I can't talk now. I got
to go help Gordy's mom!
Stay here and watch him!
Hold him down!
What do we do with him, sir?
I got an idea.
Oh, marvelous!
Mrs. Patterson! Hey listen,
I'm not really a scout leader. My
name is Max, and I'm here to save you.
Now, be very quiet.
- You lying, irresponsible..!
- Ok, we'll get to know each other later.
All right, now, what kind of knots
did these kids say these were?
[ muffled ] (Oh, my God, he's an idiot!)
A little lesson in common decency.
- Oh! Oh!
- Ok, what do we do now?
What did you do with the handcuffs?
So, it's not a figure eight, it's not
a butterfly and it's not a fisherman's.
- It's a clove hitch.
- Ah, thank you.
I learned it in the scouts.
Let me show you the
wonderful view off the porch.
Please, you don't want
to do this, Mr. Bragdon.
Oh, but of course I do, Maxwell!
I'm sorry.
It was a pleasure doing
business with you, Maxwell.
- No! Gordy!
- Noo!
That was one of my
kids, you crazy sicko!
- Mom!
- Gordy?
Gordy! Where are you?
Down here!
- Help!
- Hold on, honey!
- Gordy?
- Max!
Oh boy!
- Max!
- Hey kid!
How's it "hanging"!
Wait up. Hurry!
Where's Gordy?
Don't worry, Gordy. I'm coming down!
No! You don't know what you're doing!
Of course I do!
I'm the Lizard, remember?
You mean the Spider?
- Gordy!
- Where is he?
Down there. Max?
I'm just a delivery guy!
Ok, reach!
Come on, reach!
- I can't!
- Reach and I'll grab you!
- I'm scared!
- Believe me, I'm scared too.
Now, you're going to have to let go!
Come on, now. Come on. Let go.
I got you!
I got you, kid! I got you!
You've got to stop
goofing around like this.
Don't let go!
- Here they come!
- Gordy!
There, I got you!
We made it!
Thank you, thank you Max.
Hey, it was nothing!
Just a little mountain!
For achievement in mountain climbing, survival, rescue
skills and citizenship above and beyond the call of duty,
you kids went right pass Tenderfoot
badges and on to something much greater.
Therefore, I am very proud to present to
each one of you, the Ranger's highest badge..
First Class Eagle! You earned it!
Good job, guys!
As for you, Mr. Grabelski.
When you took these kids on an overnight,
you broke every rule in the book!
But, when they got into trouble,
you demonstrated the kind of courage, values and
honor, which are the cornerstones of the Ranger Scouts.
It gives me great pleasure
to present Max Grabelski...
...with the badge of
Ranger Scout Leader!
Oh, thank you! Thank you!
Thank you!
Hey! Guys! Look at this,
I'm a real live scout leader!
Thank you, thank you!
Now, for your next assignment...
Next assignment?
You and the kids are going to hit
Yosemite and you're going to hit it hard!
Hear that, guys? I get to
take you on another overnight!
No, Mr. Grabelski, not just your kids...
All the kids!
No! Just!