Calamity Jane (1953) Movie Script
[Upbeat instrumenta pioneer music]
COWBOY: The Deadwood stage!
[Horses gaoping]
[Sings upbeat pioneer song]
[andoin pays]
[nstrumenta pioneer music]
[Cheering and shouting]
[Sings upbeat wecome song]
[Caamity sings upbeat pioneer song]
[Laughter and cheers]
[Cheering]
[Pisto shot]
[Sudden sience]
ake mine sarsaparia.
[Laughter]
t ain't so funny.
Any excitement on this trip, Caam?
Excitement! Why, got more arrows
in the back...
of that coach
than a porcupine's got stickers!
Seemed ike the whoe Sioux nation.
CALATY: Hey, where is that sarsaparia?
BARAN: Here you are.
[Shouting of drink orders]
[Sharp whiste]
[Yes]
[Native American music]
FRYER: No, pease. Don't. Don't!
s there a woman in here?
FRYER: No, sir. Just ndians.
Where is my actress?
Without warning, down they come out
of them his howing ike sous in torment.
There must have been 100 of them.
[Laughter]
t weren't no aughing matter.
Sure, it wasn't. 'd hate to have
a war party that big on my tai!
You know, Bi, except for me...
you're the ony other gaoot in the word
coud have brought that coach in.
Of course,
it caed for some mighty rapid shooting.
y gun got so hot,
had to sit with my egs stretched out...
hoding the muzze of my gun between
my feet to keep it from curing up.
must have kied at east 30 of them
before they got discouraged.
[Whiste, foowed by aughter]
've got to see to the horses.
[Whip cracks]
How many of them njuns
you reckon shot, Rattesnake?
About 30, reckon, Caam.
That's better. Next time te a story,
keep your hands in your pockets...
you toothess od buffao!
BARAN: Come and get them.
BARAN: Who wants cigarettes?
Just came in on the stage. A doar a pack.
Look at them, snapping at those cigarettes
ike a bunch of sik-goved dudes.
-Another dying Robert E. Lee.
- got Genera Grant.
-Queen Victoria.
-Carnsarn boat again.
've got her!
AN: ' give you $5 for it.
woudn't take $50,
because 'm keeping her cose to my heart.
-What you suppose is getting into them?
-t's Adeaid, Caamity. Adeaid.
What's an Adeaid?
She's a hope. A dream. A vision.
You see her carved on the prow
of an ancient ship...
in the dying embers of the camp fire.
Circe, Aphrodite, Heen of Troy.
n this case, it's Adeaid Adams.
A that in a pack of cigarettes?
BLL: Beautifu, ain't she?
She's got nothing on but her underwear!
Them is tights, Caam.
She is a great actress, so they te me.
She's charming, a ovey figure,
everything a woman ought to be.
She ooks ike a fat,
fried-up side of undressed beef to me.
coud ook the same.
Except 've got ideas about modesty.
t ain't one man woudn't ride 100 mies
just for one gimpse of iss Adams.
You, maybe.
Some of that scum around here.
But a genteman woudn't ook twice
at such a picture.
A genteman ike Lt. Gimartin?
Yes, now that you mention it.
Like Lt. Gimartin.
You're kind of stuck on him, ain't you?
Ain't saying unti he does.
Where's he been, anyway?
thought he'd be here to meet the stage.
He's on duty at the Fort, guess.
Last time saw him was a week ago.
He came in to buy a pack
of them cigarettes.
r. ier, pease.
Nobody pays any attention to me.
LLER: Why shoud they?
But, r. ier, you're expecting me.
'm Francis Fryer.
Where is my actress?
The one who wrote me the etter
about my ad in the Chicago newspaper?
hired her.
She's supposed to be here. Look.
l'm advertising her.
We, that's me.
You're her?
No, 'm not her. You see, 'm....
Look. ''Francis Fryer.''
You're Francis Fryer?
You deceived me. You're fired.
No, you're not fired.
've got to have somebody.
'm ruined.
advertised an actress. When that crowd
sees you tonight, they' ynch me.
Go hide in my office.
[Loud taking]
Te us a about it.
What happened? Who got you?
ndians. War party.
There were five of us: Two surveyors
and a ieutenant from the Fort.
They jumped us at Eage Pass.
They kied the surveyors
and the ieutenant.
-What ieutenant?
-Gimartin, his name was.
-They got Danny Gimartin?
-They got him, a right. The others, too.
AN: The rotten savages!
How did they get him? Quick?
Cean? n the heart?
- reckon. Or in the head.
-aybe both.
Don't you know?
They got him penty.
They got him quick and fast.
His horse went down.
He died right where he fe.
Didn't you go back and find out for sure?
How coud we? They chased us
for 10 mies, showering us with arrows.
You eft him, didn't you?
You never went back to see if
he was dead or aive.
You sab-sided, white-beied coyotes.
You eft Danny
ike woudn't eave a hurt dog!
-Caam, where are you going?
-To get Danny.
[Dramatic instrumenta music]
[Sow drums beating]
[Rhythmic Native American music]
[Horse snorts]
Let's go!
[Shots firing]
[Dramatic Native American music]
[Horses neighing and shots firing]
[Upbeat instrumenta pioneer music]
CALATY: Are you okay?
DANNY: Yeah. Just untie me.
CALATY: Get on the horse.
[Upbeat instrumenta pioneer music]
Why do we have to ride the same horse?
We coud've grabbed an ndian pony.
t's cozier this way.
[Honky-tonk music]
AN: What happened then, Caam?
give him a buet
right between the eyebas.
Then me and Danny it out,
two more of them coming after us.
shot them both. Didn't , Danny?
-Why.... We....
-You kied four of them?
-That's a there were.
-You're the gir to do it, too.
What's the matter with you?
Don't you beieve me?
Sure.
Ony, with you kiing off
them redskins so fast...
was wondering why the government
even bothered to send the army.
[Pisto shot]
Are you caing me a iar again?
[Sudden sience]
Why don't you ever fix your hair?
DANNY: Adeaid Adams! got her! Look!
didn't save you for no other femae.
[Drum ro]
[Appause and whistes]
Gentemen and.... Gentemen.
[Appause and cheers]
n keeping with the poicy
of the Goden Garter...
which strives to bring to Deadwood
the best in entertainment...
regardess of the expense...
it is my great peasure
to present to you now...
that ovey star, that toast of New York,
iss Frances Fryer!
[Appause and cheers]
[Honky-tonk music]
-Come on. Get out there.
-f go on as a woman, they' murder me.
f you don't, they' murder you.
And me, too. Now, get out there.
-Do you see what see?
-She ain't very good-ooking.
That ain't a she ain't.
[Sings payfu song in fasetto]
[Loud whiste]
[Laughter]
[Laughter]
[Laughter and appause]
[Laughter]
[an murmurs to Fryer]
[Shouting]
[Loud crash]
[Angry hissing and booing]
ier is in for it now.
Pease, can expain. may have
made a mistake about his gender...
but not his taent. He's a great actor.
LLER: He's wonderfu. f you'd give us
a chance. ' make it up to you.
You'll have a good time.
Gosh, Bi, they're a waking out of here.
This wi ruin iie.
-Do something.
-Do what?
Listen to me!
Listen to me, you mangy groundhogs!
This ain't no way to treat iie.
You woudn't have a theater without him.
Can't a man make a mistake in this town?
We ain't suckers. He promised us
a New York actress. Look what we got!
-You got what he got!
-We don't want it. No, we don't want it!
Wait a minute!
He knows how disappointed you are.
Give him a chance and he' make it up.
-Won't you, iie?
-Sure. Anything.
He fooed us once, and he' foo us again.
iie won't do nothing for us.
He wi. He' get you an actress prettier
than the one you expected.
-Why, he's written for her aready.
-What actress? Who's he going to get?
A big one. A pum big one.
Who, Caam? Te us who!
AN: We'd ike to know who she is.
Adeaid Adams, that's who!
t sounds too good to be true,
but it better be.
You've got Caamity Jane's word on it.
Get back to your tabes, you coyotes.
Enjoy the show!
LLER: ' make it up to you.
Adeaid Adams is in Chicago.
She woudn't be caught dead in this town.
think ' take a ong wak
off a short precipice.
[Laughter]
Look, figure....
y death warrant, she signed.
Adeaid Adams.
f you'd ony promised them
any other actress.
- don't know no other actress.
-That's why they ca her ''Caamity.''
Listen, you two-bit gamber...
didn't see you come up with an idea
when the chips were down!
At east you've sti got a theater.
What stops you getting this Adeaid?
This joint's the biggest godmine
in Deadwood. You can afford it.
-Why don't you send for her?
-Why don't send for the Queen of Sheba?
No good. They want Adeaid.
Look, nothing is impossibe for Caamity.
Didn't she save the stage
from 100 savage njuns?
Didn't she rescue her pretty ieutenant
from a fate worse than death?
Besides, she gave the boys her word
that Adeaid woud be here.
Caamity's word is sacred.
CALATY: Bi.
-You reay have that much faith in me?
-Who knows you better than me?
You think coud go to Chicago
and bring Adeaid Adams back here?
You gave your word, and trust that.
About as much as do a bind rattesnake
with a brand new button on his tai.
[Bi aughs]
Hey, wait a minute.
-You no good four-fushing--
-You tak too much.
[Sing humorous duet]
Caam.
The night Adeaid steps on that stage,
' come dressed as a Sioux squaw...
ugging a papoose.
' bring her, Bi Hickok,
if have to drag her back with my teeth!
[Shouting]
CALATY: Look out, Adeaid Adams.
Rattesnake!
Saary's no object.
Promise her anything, but bring her.
've got the cigarette picture, ' find her.
-Caam, do me a favor.
-What?
When you're in Chicago, notice the
women, how they act and what they wear.
Get yoursef
some femae cothes and fixings.
You know, dresses, ribbons,
perfume, things ike that.
-f you don't ike how sme--
-t's nothing persona.
f you ever crawed out of that deer hide
and doed up a bit...
got a hunch
you'd be a passabe, pretty ga.
Save your hunches for femaes who get
their pictures taken in ong underwear.
ain't one of them.
Come on. Get this schooner roing.
[Bi aughs]
[Upbeat instrumenta pioneer music]
[Honky-tonk piano music]
[Faint drum beating]
Scaps.
A massacre.
[Escaating instrumenta music]
Drop it, you murdering copperhead.
[Laughter]
' be hornswogged.
[Sweeping instrumenta music]
[Sings seductive song]
[Appause]
They ove you, iss Adams.
Shoudn't you take another bow?
t's your ast night.
'm gratefuy aware of that.
See that the trunks are packed,
and my costumes....
Get rid of those awfu things.
Se them or do something.
' make you a present of them.
' buy a whoe new wardrobe.
London, Vienna, Paris.
How different from this primitive Chicago.
These past few weeks
have been a dreadfu bore.
How can you say that, iss Adams?
They have been gorious.
f coud be on the stage for one minute,
to see a those peope ooking up at me...
istening, admiring....
Like ooking into the pens
at the stockyards.
Hurry up, Katie.
We mustn't keep r. Kingsey waiting.
aybe some day wi be on the stage.
Not a grand, beautifu star ike you,
iss Adams.
Just to sing a song maybe.
can dance and sing a itte.
Of course you can. 've heard you.
Very nice for choirs and weddings, but...
doubt that your voice woud
ever carry beyond the footights.
There, now. How do ook?
Beautifu, iss Adams. Just beautifu.
Even if never sang aone,
if were ony in the chorus...
coudn't you suggest it
to somebody sometime?
You're not serious, Katie. Not reay?
y dear, it isn't just your voice.
You other equipment is hardy adequate.
Cheer up. aybe ' send for you
when get to Paris. A right?
Good night, daring.
Good night.
[Light instrumenta music]
[Gigging]
[Sings Adeaide's seductive song,
makes the song sound payfu]
[Katie sings fainty]
[Shrieks]
What is it, ma'am? Where's the varmint?
Who are you?
y name is Canary, iss Adams,
most foks ca me Caamity.
came from Deadwood City to see you
and tak you into going back with me.
Gosh amighty,
you're the prettiest thing 've ever seen.
've never known a woman
coud ook ike that.
-How do you hod that dress up there?
-Pease!
- have to change cothes. Do you mind?
-Heping you? Why, sure.
've pugged men for ess than that.
f you don't get out of here this instant,
r. Canary...
or r. Caamity,
or whatever your name is....
ister?
Why, ain't no mister.
-You're a woman?
-Of course, 'm a woman.
You thought was a man?
Come to think of it, that ain't so funny.
'm sorry. But those cothes,
the gun and everything....
reckon do ook a mite strange
to a ady ike you.
guess ain't much to ook at.
But there ain't a woman can't out-ride
or out-shoot or....
Everybody can't have a figure
ike Adeaid Adams.
That's a matter of opinion.
n the opinion of Deadwood City,
there ain't no other opinion.
Now, et's get down to business.
'd ike to hire you
to come and sing in Deadwood.
e?
got a ot of nerve asking you, know.
Deadwood City ain't no Chicago...
and the Goden Garter
ain't no grand theater ike this one...
but they want you mighty bad,
and promised them you'd come.
Name your own saary.
We, the saary isn't important. t's just....
e?
Every prospector in the territory
is chewing himsef sick with tobacco...
just to get a picture of you.
Te Deadwood, iss Adams is sorry,
but she's going to Europe.
Coudn't you put that off unti
after you payed Deadwood?
Sure, coud, but....
aybe coud.
t's ridicuous. coudn't.
s this the ony picture
they have of me in Deadwood?
-The cigarette picture?
- reckon so, ma'am.
Where is Deadwood?
Dakota Territory. Out in the Back His.
-ndians?
-Sioux tribe.
But you needn't worry about njuns
when you trave with Caamity Jane.
Do trains go there?
Not for the ast 100 mies.
-But the stage is comfortabe.
-No teegraph?
No.
f you want to send a etter,
there's a dispatcher--
f refused, you'd poke that gun in my
back and march me to the rairoad station.
-We, now--
-'m at your mercy. Come hep me pack.
got a strange feeing
someone is being husted.
[Adventurous instrumenta music]
[Native American music]
[Batte cries]
[Dramatic batte music]
Come on, you redskin naked heathens!
Run up here and get your one-way ticket
to the happy hunting grounds!
Come on, catch us! And catch that!
And that!
Get the steam up in them horses.
Are you comfortabe in there,
iss Adams?
We, it's a over.
tod you, you had nothing to worry about.
Not when you're riding with Caamity.
iss Adams, you a right?
iss Adams.
AN: Caamity's back,
and she brought Adeaid Adams.
[Cheering]
CALATY: Quiet! Listen to me!
A right,
you mangy pack of dirt-scratching beetes.
promised you Adeaid Adams,
and brought her.
[Cheering]
Quiet! Wait a minute!
Everybody stand back.
Let's give her a rea Deadwood wecome.
CALATY: Throw them bags down,
Rattesnake.
-Your servant, ma'am, Bi Hickok.
-Wid Bi Hickok?
f am, you coud tame me, ma'am.
Lieutenant Danie Gimartin, iss Adams.
Yours to command.
Thank you.
This way, iss Adams.
iss Adams, you are here.
'm unworthy. y theater is unworthy.
But you're a true artist. You are here.
Yes, 'm here.
iss Adams, permit me to introduce
a feow thespian, aso from the East.
r. Francis Fryer.
How do you do, r. Fryer?
Fryer. Don't know you from somewhere?
We payed St. Louis
the same week ast year.
At different theaters, of course.
How nice to see you again.
Sha we go inside, iss Adams?
Caam, you did it!
coud shoot mysef with happiness.
aybe shoud shoot mysef
for bringing her.
iss Adams, ' show you to your room.
Finest room in the house.
Had it speciay decorated.
Thank you.
Gentemen.
[Laughter]
-Congratuations, Caamity.
-Ony Caamity coud do it!
bet if she went after Sitting Bu
she'd bring him back, too.
Did you see the show?
Did you see iss Adams work?
What is it ike in the big city?
Boys,
Chicago's the biggest noise in inois!
Listen.
[Sings upbeat song]
[Faint honky-tonk music]
Hurry up. This isn't just any night.
This is Adeaid Adams' night.
Hear that crowd!
You've got to know. 've got to te you.
That gir, she's....
Oh, never mind.
iie, that Adeaid Adams, she isn't....
mean, she's....
What's the use if she is or if she isn't?
She's got to be.
Because if she isn't, that crowd....
We' a be....
' have two fast horses waiting
at the stage entrance.
Why? 'm not going anywhere.
Actors are crazy peope.
Scared, aren't you, Katie Brown?
You thought it was smart
posing as Adeaid Adams.
You'd ike to run ike mad, woudn't you?
Catch a train, get out of this crazy town.
But you can't. You're trapped.
There is no train.
Oh, cever, cever you.
[Knocking at the door]
LLER: Five minutes, iss Adams.
KATE: ' be ready.
Five minutes, and ook at you.
You haven't even got a face.
[Drum ro]
[Appause]
Gentemen and.... Gentemen.
[Laughter and appause]
The great moment has finay arrived.
There are no words to describe the beauty
of the ady you are about to meet.
No meody as sweet as the voice
you are about to hear.
[nfant crying]
Gosh amighty, it's Bi Hickok!
[Laughter]
Ain't he gorgeous?
Wid Bi Hickok, sweetheart of the Sioux!
Where are the rest of your kids,
Pocahontas?
Here, take him.
Thanks. Everybody get out of here.
A right. That's enough, do you hear?
[Sience]
Bi Hickok!
The funniest sight 've ever seen.
Caamity, pease! He's mad.
Don't break up the show!
A right, Caam. paid my debt.
The next man that aughs
is going to get his head ventiated.
[Sience]
[Caamity aughs oudy]
Caam, pease! iss Adams is waiting.
The one and ony, iss Adeaid Adams!
Go on out there
and give them everything, Katie.
Katie?
-She don't ook much ike her pictures.
-She's prettier.
[Katie sings offkey]
What's the matter with her?
She didn't sing ike that in Chicago.
AN: Where's your voice, Adeaid?
You eave it in Chicago?
[Laughter]
-That's the great Adeaid Adams?
-The poor, fooish kid.
Sing out, Adeaid, ike you did in Chicago!
can't. 'm not Adeaid Adams!
[Shocked murmurs]
You're not....
[Sience]
She's joshing.
Of course she's Adeaid Adams.
brought her mysef, didn't ?
ought to know. ''Not Adeaid Adams.''
Don't joke ike that, Adeaid.
These gaoots ain't got no sense of humor.
t's not a joke. wish it were.
[Angry shouting]
Pease don't be angry with me.
know shoudn't have done it, but--
Let's get this straight.
You say you're not Adeaid Adams?
No, ma'am. Sir.
'm Katie Brown.
Katie Brown?
Caamity!
You were Adeaid Adams in Chicago,
in her dressing room.
was her maid.
She gave me her costumes.
She was going to Europe,
and wanted so bady to be on the stage.
-Caamity framed it.
-Yeah, bringing in Adeaid's maid.
She ought to be run out of town.
Feows, isten.
What's Adeaid Adams to us, anyhow?
f this is a doube-cross...
you can doube-cross me ike this
every day of the week.
didn't know. thought she was Adeaid.
'm just as surprised as you are.
So hep me, Bi, can't understand.
Pease don't bame Caamity.
She didn't know. She didn't!
fooed her just as tried to foo you.
t's a my faut.
thought coud make you ike me.
[Angry shouting]
Don't et her bu-nose you.
She ain't getting away with it this time.
There, now. That's better.
Ain't you ashamed of yourseves,
treating a ady this way?
A right, so she ain't Adeaid Adams.
She made off she was
because she wanted to be an actress.
And she thought maybe
we'd give her that chance.
What's wrong with that, anyhow?
We're a here on the same ticket.
You a came here to Deadwood
ooking for something...
you coudn't find anywhere ese.
You're a ooking for that pot of god,
and Katie here ain't no different!
We, what have you got to say?
Are you going to grouch about a picture,
or are you going to give a rea ive...
and pretty young ady
a chance to prove she beongs here?
t's up to you.
-As ong as she's up there, et her sing.
-A right, give her a chance.
What do we've got to ose?
That's a we want to hear.
Let her rip, Katie Brown.
Give it a you got. Do it your own way.
Pay.
[Sings payfu song]
[Appause and cheers]
She is great! Deadwood doesn't need
no imported actress. We ro our own!
Let me oose!
Let me oose! Quit it, Bi Hickok.
So hep me, ' shoot your ears off.
Quit it, say. Let me oose!
You hear what say? Let me out of this!
Bi Hickok, ' get you,
if it's the ast thing do. Let me down!
You no-good sneaking sidewinder.
Let me down out of here.
Adeaid Adams?
And me in this squaw getup.
You've got the biggest mouth
in the whoe Dakota Territory.
You fap-eared varmint, et me down!
[Laughter]
You dirty, mangy, moe-egged,
miserabe son of a sinking coyote!
Let me down out of here!
Fap your wings, Caam, you can fy!
Let me down!
' get you for this.
Here we go.
You're eaving aready, iss Brown?
You ony opened ast night.
'm sorry.
was hoping to get better acquainted.
Getting better acquainted with him
is ike making a pet out of a poecat.
think that woud be very nice,
r. Hickok.
t ain't ikey ' turn up in Chicago.
Chicago? 'm not going to Chicago.
You're not? Where are you going?
t ain't none of your business, squaw man.
'm moving into Caamity's cabin with her.
-You're what?
- brought her, and 'm responsibe for her.
-What's the matter with the hote?
-Nothing.
There aren't many women in town...
and Caamity had the idea
we shoud ive together...
and sort of chaperone each other.
You chaperone Caam? And she....
This ought to be interesting.
We're mighty gad you approve.
And, r. Hickok,
pease fee free to drop in any time.
Thank you kindy, ma'am.
Fee it, but don't try it!
-Come on in, Bi, ' get you a drink.
-No thanks.
f fet any higher, 'd be fying!
Harry, come here.
want you to do something for me.
[Sow banjo music]
[Sings ove baad]
We, there she sets. Just where eft her.
won that cabin
from a Kansas feow in a poker game.
A week before he died of ead poisoning.
Bi was in that game.
He ost everything but his fiings.
-Let me hep you down.
-Thank you.
Do you disike r. Hickok
as much as you pretend to?
Disike Bi? e and Bi are thicker
than fies in a Pawnee camp.
We're ike the seven-year itch
to each other, but it's fun scratching.
That Bi Hickok is about the best friend
ever had.
Of course, my sparky taste....
That kind of runs to bue uniforms
and shiny buttons.
-Like second ieutenants wear?
-Like second...
ieutenants wear.
ake yoursef right at home.
[Shrieks]
CALATY: Be carefu.
You and me wi batch it here
as cozy as two bugs in a banket.
Excuse me.
reckon it needs a itte airing around here.
Ain't used the pace much,
it's too onesome.
ike to bunk out in the open
under a wagon or something.
know one thing we' have penty of:
Home cooking.
Just hand me a sack of four
and bacon grease....
Looks ike we're out of water.
t's right handy though,
get it from the creek down there.
That's one good thing about this pace.
No, guess there's nothing good about it.
'm sorry, Katie.
-t wi be a right, Caam. Fine.
-No, it won't.
t ain't fit for a dog, et aone a ady.
didn't know it ti you came in here.
Just ike didn't know how far
from being a ady was ti saw you...
in that dressing room in Chicago.
What do know about nice things?
ain't never had any.
Come on, ' drive you back to the hote.
'm staying right here.
n this rat's nest?
We can fix it. ake it rea nice.
A it needs is a woman's touch.
A woman's touch?
[Sing spirited song]
t's up to me? ' bet $40.
Howdy, Lieutenant. Care to take a hand?
Not now, thanks. You see...
'm ooking for....
No, not now.
t's up to you, Bi. Ca or fod?
-Where are you going?
-The same pace the Lieutenant's going.
Ony 'm going to be there first.
A right, a right, 've got ears.
'm coming.
-'d ike to see iss Brown.
-You and every other rooster in town.
She's not staying here.
She moved in with Caamity.
aybe 'd better have a sign painted.
With Caamity?
[Sow instrumenta music]
[Approaching horse]
[Adventurous instrumenta music]
KATE: Where are you going, Caam?
Herb Potter's got tick fever,
he's at his cabin by himsef.
He needs some doing for him.
No shoes?
can't wear shoes across the creek.
Bi.
-Heo, Katie.
-Lieutenant.
Say, that's a right smart harness
you're wearing.
You just keep on getting prettier and....
-Here.
-They're very nice. Caamity oves fowers.
-The Lieutenant never cas without them.
-Wait.
brought them for....
Where is Caamity?
Up the hi visiting a sick prospector.
Won't you come in?
That's Caam,
just can't resist a distress signa.
-This ain't Caam's cabin.
-t sure doesn't ook ike it.
We fixed it up a itte.
Sit down and ' make you some tea.
KATE: t won't take ong.
Say, Lieutenant,
don't they need you back at the Fort?
They' manage.
thought you had a poker game going.
There's aways a poker game going.
With the Cheyennes on the war path,
foks woud fee a heap safer...
if you sodiers didn't gaivant around
so much, wasting taxpayer's money.
Nice of you to think of the taxpayers,
after the money you cost them in funeras.
Oh, dear.
'm a out of wood.
' have to go out and chop some.
-' do it.
-Here, et me.
- hate to troube you, Bi.
-No troube at a, ma'am.
Katie.
t was very thoughtfu of you
and r. Hickok to ook in on us.
Deadwood is that kind of a nice town.
mean, everyone's so friendy and nice.
After the foo made of mysef
the other night...
the way they forgave me and et me go on.
Anyone coud forgive you anything, Katie.
Not anything, Lieutenant.
And not Caamity.
don't know what idea you have
about Caamity and me, but--
t's not my idea, it's hers.
She's in ove with you.
But that's ridicuous.
We're friends, good friends.
She even saved my ife.
-But you can't beieve that and she--
- ike Caamity, Lieutenant.
She's been very good to me.
woud no more think of coming between
her and the man she oves....
The man she oves? Katie, swear--
Fancy that, it was there a the time.
Danny, beieve me--
-Here we are. t didn't take ong, did it?
-Not ong enough.
The shaw, it fe....
Let's have tea.
They've got a new commander at the Fort,
Genera Stark. He says he knows you.
Yes, served under him in Virginia
during the war.
They're having a ba in his honor
Saturday night. thought you--
've been invited mysef.
kind of hoped you'd go with me, Katie.
She is going with me.
t's customary, Lieutenant,
to et the ady choose for hersef.
-Coudn't the four of us go together?
-What four of us?
We, you, Bi, me, and Caamity.
Caamity?
She's been invited, too,
and if she doesn't go, won't either.
She's been expecting you to ask her,
Lieutenant.
e? Why me? tod you how --
That's a right smart arrangement.
Settes everything.
Caam goes with the ieutenant,
and you go with me.
Over my dead body.
Get a itte respect in your voice
when you tak about Caam...
or it might just be that way.
-She's a mighty fine gir.
-Gir?
-You shoud be proud to take her.
-You woud be, woudn't you?
sure woud.
Wait! ain't gonna be stampeded
into no fast shuffe!
know what you're thinking, both of you.
Caamity's fine on top a stagecoach
or behind an oxtai but...
not ady enough for socia appearances
with distinguished gentemen.
We, she ain't beautifu.
Caamity's not beautifu? You boys
have a big surprise in store for you.
There's ony one way to sette this,
and that's to draw straws.
The ong straw gets Katie,
and the oser takes Caam.
s that a right with you, Katie?
Draw, Lieutenant.
won!
-' have the prettiest gir at the ba.
-Don't bet on it.
Bi, keep your eyes on that door.
Caamity!
fe in that dangbasted creek!
[Bi and Danny augh]
Gosh amighty, ook who's here.
What brought you
to this neck of the woods?
njun troube?
They came to ask you to go to the ba.
Both of you?
That's pum fattering.
-Ony can't go with both of you.
-t's a right. We drew straws.
You did? Who won?
did, Caam.
You did? We, that's fine, Bi.
That's mighty fine.
Ain't no one 'd rather tag aong with.
Try to get yoursef ceaned up
by Saturday, and ' ca for you.
heard te it' be a pumb fancy affair.
Sodiers in dress uniforms,
adies in fancy gowns.
've never been to a big shindig ike that.
reckon ' burst my corset strings
in the pride of just being asked.
' fix you some tea.
Danny.
Ask Katie to go, Danny.
know you want to take me, but ask her.
Do it for me, Danny, pease.
You're quite a ady, Caamity.
[Tender instrumenta music]
-Did you have to wear that od army coat?
-Od coat?
t was Custer's, Bi.
He gave it to me himsef.
f it's good enough for Custer,
it ought to be good enough for Fort Scuy.
This ain't no scaping expedition
against Sitting Bu. We're going to a ba.
know it. We sure got a night for it,
ain't we, Bi?
Don't it thri you
just to ook at them his?
t sure does.
No wonder the njuns
fight so fierce to hang on to this country.
[Harmonica pays and guitar strums]
[Sings pioneer baad]
[Sweeping watz]
That can't be Caamity.
Why, she's beautifu!
What happened to her?
ALL: Save one for me, iss Caamity.
Wait a minute, feows.
can't get a your names
on this here card.
can't even spe most of them.
That's a got room for.
What you need is a bigger card!
Caamity has been hoding out on us,
carrying conceaed weapons.
How come a these gaoots
want to dance with me?
At that shindig at Hogan's stabe,
none of them came around.
- didn't know.
- spent the night chatting with the mues.
That's what 've been teing you,
that you'd ook better in a dress.
Do , Danny?
You're an absoute vision, Caamity.
OFFCER: Caamity, is this dance open?
We, 'm kind of saving this one.
Come on, Caam.
Danny hasn't even asked me for a dance.
know.
Katie and him are thicker than moasses.
Bi, ook there.
He's taking her out in the garden.
Katie, daring.
Danny, we shoudn't.
ove you, Katie.
....
What about Caamity?
Caamity can be your bridesmaid.
BLL: Caam, wait.
-Where are you going?
-Home.
brought her here. e.
A the way from Chicago.
Just to make ove to Danny.
This town ain't big enough for me
and that man-rusting petticoat!
t ain't that serious.
Peope aways act siy at these sociabes.
You saw them out in that garden.
They weren't acting!
-Give me that gun.
-Stand cear, Bi Hickok.
don't see her anywhere, Danny.
You're the ony person in the word
who'd worry about Caamity.
Bridesmaid?
-Are you a right?
-Yes, 'm a right.
CALATY: She's nothing but a miserabe,
two-timing caim jumper.
Hep me get out of this dangbasted thing!
We, stand sti.
even took her in my own cabin
because figured she'd need protection.
Like a wease in a hencoop,
she needs protection!
Throw that in
with the rest of her man-traps.
And that! And that!
bet it wasn't the first time
she kissed him.
bet it's been going on a the time.
Here, in my own cabin.
Gosh amighty, 'm dumb!
f you have to bame somebody,
bame that pretty-boy ieutenant of yours.
t seems to me
he was on the other end of the kissing.
She charmed him hog-eyed.
Look at these. Pure sik!
' bet her mother spun them!
Take them to her!
Te her to keep out of my sight!
So hep me, Bi, if ever see her again...
' put a buet smack in the midde
of that pretty face!
n both of them!
[Caamity cries]
[Sing payfu song]
-Sarsaparia.
-Caam, where have you been?
Katie said to te you if you come in,
she'd ike to see you.
She's going to see me. Right now.
There's going to be troube.
[Sience]
What do you want, Caamity?
There's a stage eaving at noon tomorrow.
Be on it!
Are you threatening me?
'm warning you.
What is it? What's going on?
Caamity just warned Katie
to get out of town.
Buck, end me a gun.
KATE: Caamity.
Hod up your gass.
What's the matter? Are you afraid?
AN: Katie's done it!
[Cheering]
magine Katie making a shot ike that!
-Where are you going, Caam? Come here.
-Leave me be.
-Get in that buggy.
-Let go of me!
Get in there or ' knock you senseess,
if you had any sense.
've seen you do ots of crazy things...
but this is the first time
've seen you make a foo of yoursef.
Sit down and isten.
You're a fake, Caam.
You dress, tak, ride and shoot
ike a man, but you think ike a femae!
Like a green-eyed, snaring,
spitting femae.
Katie beat you twice, out of your man and
out of the respect you had around here.
And you heped her!
did, too.
She didn't shoot the gass out of
your hand, did. You needed a esson.
Who are you to te peope who to ove?
Suppose you did scare her out of town,
woud that get your ieutenant back?
Woud that stop Katie from oving him,
or him her?
That's femae thinking.
He'd bring her back,
and they woud both hate you.
You had to ose tonight, Caam,
or you'd never win again.
Go on, baw. Admit you're a femae.
Have your hysterics, get them over with.
You' fee better.
was so pumb crazy about him.
know. fet the same way about her.
You mean, you're in ove with Katie?
t's funny, ain't it?
Bi, 'm sorry. didn't know.
That's a right.
t' take some time, but ' get over it.
You wi, too.
-No, won't. Not Danny.
-Yes, you wi.
A 've done for months
is dream about him.
About getting married,
and buiding a cabin...
and having young'uns.
know it sounds siy, guess, but...
Bi, reay wanted a those things.
was kind of hankering for them mysef.
There' never be another man ike him.
Not for me. Not ever.
t ain't going to be easy
getting her out of my system either.
She was so beautifu and....
[Romantic instrumenta music]
What ever happened to that ieutenant
you were teing me about?
never heard of him.
[Sings tender ove song]
[Horse nays]
Howdy, Fanagan.
How's the caim panning out?
The way she acted,
no wonder nobody wi tak to her.
hope she don't speak to me.
hate to insut women.
Howdy, feows. 'orning, Biy.
-Howdy, Francis.
-Heo, Caamity.
Have you seen Bi around?
He and Coorado
are out working their caim.
How come they are taking down
them signs?
Katie's not here anymore.
Where is she?
Has she been hurt? s she sick?
Te me, Francis, where is she?
On her way back to Chicago.
Chicago?
You warned her to get out of town,
didn't you? We, she got.
But didn't mean it! was loco.
didn't want her to go.
That's what came to te her.
You're ate. The stage eft a haf hour ago.
The town is going to miss that kid.
didn't think she'd go, swear it.
She wasn't scared. She shot back at me.
Why woud she go away? Why?
Because she's a ady, Caamity.
She's not mean and sefish, and never
earned to wreck peope's ives ike....
Like me. Say it!
don't have to say it. She eft this note.
t says everything. Listen.
''Dear Danny: Caamity oves you and--''
-But, don't!
-Shut up and isten!
''Caamity oves you
and you probaby ove her.
'' had no right to come between you.
ove you both, and want you to be happy.
''Pretend it was Adeaid Adams
who came to Deadwood.
''Katie Brown never existed.
She doesn't now. Goodbye, Danny.''
Never existed?
She was the most rea person
in Deadwood.
Put them signs back up.
'm bringing that stage back here!
[Adventurous instrumenta music]
BLL: Caam, where are you going?
Come on!
don't know what kind of ife you' have
iving with that catamount...
but it ain't gonna be du.
That's for dang sure.
CALATY: Rattesnake!
CALATY: Rattesnake, stop!
Why don't you stop when ye?
thought you was njuns.
Katie, 'm going to get married!
Congratuations.
Rattesnake, stop this coach!
But 'm going to be rs. Hickok.
Bi? But thought you oved Danny.
That's femae thinking.
Nothing wi get you into more troube.
We, where are we heading,
Chicago or back to Deadwood?
Deadwood, Caam. Home!
Femaes! Pure femaes!
[Sings joyous ove song]
[Sings cheerfu song]
[Sings joyous ove song]
What's this for?
That's in case any more actresses
ro in from Chicago.
[Laughter]
[Sing upbeat pioneer song]
[Chorus sings upbeat pioneer song]
SDH subtites conformed by
SOFTTLER
Engish - SDH
COWBOY: The Deadwood stage!
[Horses gaoping]
[Sings upbeat pioneer song]
[andoin pays]
[nstrumenta pioneer music]
[Cheering and shouting]
[Sings upbeat wecome song]
[Caamity sings upbeat pioneer song]
[Laughter and cheers]
[Cheering]
[Pisto shot]
[Sudden sience]
ake mine sarsaparia.
[Laughter]
t ain't so funny.
Any excitement on this trip, Caam?
Excitement! Why, got more arrows
in the back...
of that coach
than a porcupine's got stickers!
Seemed ike the whoe Sioux nation.
CALATY: Hey, where is that sarsaparia?
BARAN: Here you are.
[Shouting of drink orders]
[Sharp whiste]
[Yes]
[Native American music]
FRYER: No, pease. Don't. Don't!
s there a woman in here?
FRYER: No, sir. Just ndians.
Where is my actress?
Without warning, down they come out
of them his howing ike sous in torment.
There must have been 100 of them.
[Laughter]
t weren't no aughing matter.
Sure, it wasn't. 'd hate to have
a war party that big on my tai!
You know, Bi, except for me...
you're the ony other gaoot in the word
coud have brought that coach in.
Of course,
it caed for some mighty rapid shooting.
y gun got so hot,
had to sit with my egs stretched out...
hoding the muzze of my gun between
my feet to keep it from curing up.
must have kied at east 30 of them
before they got discouraged.
[Whiste, foowed by aughter]
've got to see to the horses.
[Whip cracks]
How many of them njuns
you reckon shot, Rattesnake?
About 30, reckon, Caam.
That's better. Next time te a story,
keep your hands in your pockets...
you toothess od buffao!
BARAN: Come and get them.
BARAN: Who wants cigarettes?
Just came in on the stage. A doar a pack.
Look at them, snapping at those cigarettes
ike a bunch of sik-goved dudes.
-Another dying Robert E. Lee.
- got Genera Grant.
-Queen Victoria.
-Carnsarn boat again.
've got her!
AN: ' give you $5 for it.
woudn't take $50,
because 'm keeping her cose to my heart.
-What you suppose is getting into them?
-t's Adeaid, Caamity. Adeaid.
What's an Adeaid?
She's a hope. A dream. A vision.
You see her carved on the prow
of an ancient ship...
in the dying embers of the camp fire.
Circe, Aphrodite, Heen of Troy.
n this case, it's Adeaid Adams.
A that in a pack of cigarettes?
BLL: Beautifu, ain't she?
She's got nothing on but her underwear!
Them is tights, Caam.
She is a great actress, so they te me.
She's charming, a ovey figure,
everything a woman ought to be.
She ooks ike a fat,
fried-up side of undressed beef to me.
coud ook the same.
Except 've got ideas about modesty.
t ain't one man woudn't ride 100 mies
just for one gimpse of iss Adams.
You, maybe.
Some of that scum around here.
But a genteman woudn't ook twice
at such a picture.
A genteman ike Lt. Gimartin?
Yes, now that you mention it.
Like Lt. Gimartin.
You're kind of stuck on him, ain't you?
Ain't saying unti he does.
Where's he been, anyway?
thought he'd be here to meet the stage.
He's on duty at the Fort, guess.
Last time saw him was a week ago.
He came in to buy a pack
of them cigarettes.
r. ier, pease.
Nobody pays any attention to me.
LLER: Why shoud they?
But, r. ier, you're expecting me.
'm Francis Fryer.
Where is my actress?
The one who wrote me the etter
about my ad in the Chicago newspaper?
hired her.
She's supposed to be here. Look.
l'm advertising her.
We, that's me.
You're her?
No, 'm not her. You see, 'm....
Look. ''Francis Fryer.''
You're Francis Fryer?
You deceived me. You're fired.
No, you're not fired.
've got to have somebody.
'm ruined.
advertised an actress. When that crowd
sees you tonight, they' ynch me.
Go hide in my office.
[Loud taking]
Te us a about it.
What happened? Who got you?
ndians. War party.
There were five of us: Two surveyors
and a ieutenant from the Fort.
They jumped us at Eage Pass.
They kied the surveyors
and the ieutenant.
-What ieutenant?
-Gimartin, his name was.
-They got Danny Gimartin?
-They got him, a right. The others, too.
AN: The rotten savages!
How did they get him? Quick?
Cean? n the heart?
- reckon. Or in the head.
-aybe both.
Don't you know?
They got him penty.
They got him quick and fast.
His horse went down.
He died right where he fe.
Didn't you go back and find out for sure?
How coud we? They chased us
for 10 mies, showering us with arrows.
You eft him, didn't you?
You never went back to see if
he was dead or aive.
You sab-sided, white-beied coyotes.
You eft Danny
ike woudn't eave a hurt dog!
-Caam, where are you going?
-To get Danny.
[Dramatic instrumenta music]
[Sow drums beating]
[Rhythmic Native American music]
[Horse snorts]
Let's go!
[Shots firing]
[Dramatic Native American music]
[Horses neighing and shots firing]
[Upbeat instrumenta pioneer music]
CALATY: Are you okay?
DANNY: Yeah. Just untie me.
CALATY: Get on the horse.
[Upbeat instrumenta pioneer music]
Why do we have to ride the same horse?
We coud've grabbed an ndian pony.
t's cozier this way.
[Honky-tonk music]
AN: What happened then, Caam?
give him a buet
right between the eyebas.
Then me and Danny it out,
two more of them coming after us.
shot them both. Didn't , Danny?
-Why.... We....
-You kied four of them?
-That's a there were.
-You're the gir to do it, too.
What's the matter with you?
Don't you beieve me?
Sure.
Ony, with you kiing off
them redskins so fast...
was wondering why the government
even bothered to send the army.
[Pisto shot]
Are you caing me a iar again?
[Sudden sience]
Why don't you ever fix your hair?
DANNY: Adeaid Adams! got her! Look!
didn't save you for no other femae.
[Drum ro]
[Appause and whistes]
Gentemen and.... Gentemen.
[Appause and cheers]
n keeping with the poicy
of the Goden Garter...
which strives to bring to Deadwood
the best in entertainment...
regardess of the expense...
it is my great peasure
to present to you now...
that ovey star, that toast of New York,
iss Frances Fryer!
[Appause and cheers]
[Honky-tonk music]
-Come on. Get out there.
-f go on as a woman, they' murder me.
f you don't, they' murder you.
And me, too. Now, get out there.
-Do you see what see?
-She ain't very good-ooking.
That ain't a she ain't.
[Sings payfu song in fasetto]
[Loud whiste]
[Laughter]
[Laughter]
[Laughter and appause]
[Laughter]
[an murmurs to Fryer]
[Shouting]
[Loud crash]
[Angry hissing and booing]
ier is in for it now.
Pease, can expain. may have
made a mistake about his gender...
but not his taent. He's a great actor.
LLER: He's wonderfu. f you'd give us
a chance. ' make it up to you.
You'll have a good time.
Gosh, Bi, they're a waking out of here.
This wi ruin iie.
-Do something.
-Do what?
Listen to me!
Listen to me, you mangy groundhogs!
This ain't no way to treat iie.
You woudn't have a theater without him.
Can't a man make a mistake in this town?
We ain't suckers. He promised us
a New York actress. Look what we got!
-You got what he got!
-We don't want it. No, we don't want it!
Wait a minute!
He knows how disappointed you are.
Give him a chance and he' make it up.
-Won't you, iie?
-Sure. Anything.
He fooed us once, and he' foo us again.
iie won't do nothing for us.
He wi. He' get you an actress prettier
than the one you expected.
-Why, he's written for her aready.
-What actress? Who's he going to get?
A big one. A pum big one.
Who, Caam? Te us who!
AN: We'd ike to know who she is.
Adeaid Adams, that's who!
t sounds too good to be true,
but it better be.
You've got Caamity Jane's word on it.
Get back to your tabes, you coyotes.
Enjoy the show!
LLER: ' make it up to you.
Adeaid Adams is in Chicago.
She woudn't be caught dead in this town.
think ' take a ong wak
off a short precipice.
[Laughter]
Look, figure....
y death warrant, she signed.
Adeaid Adams.
f you'd ony promised them
any other actress.
- don't know no other actress.
-That's why they ca her ''Caamity.''
Listen, you two-bit gamber...
didn't see you come up with an idea
when the chips were down!
At east you've sti got a theater.
What stops you getting this Adeaid?
This joint's the biggest godmine
in Deadwood. You can afford it.
-Why don't you send for her?
-Why don't send for the Queen of Sheba?
No good. They want Adeaid.
Look, nothing is impossibe for Caamity.
Didn't she save the stage
from 100 savage njuns?
Didn't she rescue her pretty ieutenant
from a fate worse than death?
Besides, she gave the boys her word
that Adeaid woud be here.
Caamity's word is sacred.
CALATY: Bi.
-You reay have that much faith in me?
-Who knows you better than me?
You think coud go to Chicago
and bring Adeaid Adams back here?
You gave your word, and trust that.
About as much as do a bind rattesnake
with a brand new button on his tai.
[Bi aughs]
Hey, wait a minute.
-You no good four-fushing--
-You tak too much.
[Sing humorous duet]
Caam.
The night Adeaid steps on that stage,
' come dressed as a Sioux squaw...
ugging a papoose.
' bring her, Bi Hickok,
if have to drag her back with my teeth!
[Shouting]
CALATY: Look out, Adeaid Adams.
Rattesnake!
Saary's no object.
Promise her anything, but bring her.
've got the cigarette picture, ' find her.
-Caam, do me a favor.
-What?
When you're in Chicago, notice the
women, how they act and what they wear.
Get yoursef
some femae cothes and fixings.
You know, dresses, ribbons,
perfume, things ike that.
-f you don't ike how sme--
-t's nothing persona.
f you ever crawed out of that deer hide
and doed up a bit...
got a hunch
you'd be a passabe, pretty ga.
Save your hunches for femaes who get
their pictures taken in ong underwear.
ain't one of them.
Come on. Get this schooner roing.
[Bi aughs]
[Upbeat instrumenta pioneer music]
[Honky-tonk piano music]
[Faint drum beating]
Scaps.
A massacre.
[Escaating instrumenta music]
Drop it, you murdering copperhead.
[Laughter]
' be hornswogged.
[Sweeping instrumenta music]
[Sings seductive song]
[Appause]
They ove you, iss Adams.
Shoudn't you take another bow?
t's your ast night.
'm gratefuy aware of that.
See that the trunks are packed,
and my costumes....
Get rid of those awfu things.
Se them or do something.
' make you a present of them.
' buy a whoe new wardrobe.
London, Vienna, Paris.
How different from this primitive Chicago.
These past few weeks
have been a dreadfu bore.
How can you say that, iss Adams?
They have been gorious.
f coud be on the stage for one minute,
to see a those peope ooking up at me...
istening, admiring....
Like ooking into the pens
at the stockyards.
Hurry up, Katie.
We mustn't keep r. Kingsey waiting.
aybe some day wi be on the stage.
Not a grand, beautifu star ike you,
iss Adams.
Just to sing a song maybe.
can dance and sing a itte.
Of course you can. 've heard you.
Very nice for choirs and weddings, but...
doubt that your voice woud
ever carry beyond the footights.
There, now. How do ook?
Beautifu, iss Adams. Just beautifu.
Even if never sang aone,
if were ony in the chorus...
coudn't you suggest it
to somebody sometime?
You're not serious, Katie. Not reay?
y dear, it isn't just your voice.
You other equipment is hardy adequate.
Cheer up. aybe ' send for you
when get to Paris. A right?
Good night, daring.
Good night.
[Light instrumenta music]
[Gigging]
[Sings Adeaide's seductive song,
makes the song sound payfu]
[Katie sings fainty]
[Shrieks]
What is it, ma'am? Where's the varmint?
Who are you?
y name is Canary, iss Adams,
most foks ca me Caamity.
came from Deadwood City to see you
and tak you into going back with me.
Gosh amighty,
you're the prettiest thing 've ever seen.
've never known a woman
coud ook ike that.
-How do you hod that dress up there?
-Pease!
- have to change cothes. Do you mind?
-Heping you? Why, sure.
've pugged men for ess than that.
f you don't get out of here this instant,
r. Canary...
or r. Caamity,
or whatever your name is....
ister?
Why, ain't no mister.
-You're a woman?
-Of course, 'm a woman.
You thought was a man?
Come to think of it, that ain't so funny.
'm sorry. But those cothes,
the gun and everything....
reckon do ook a mite strange
to a ady ike you.
guess ain't much to ook at.
But there ain't a woman can't out-ride
or out-shoot or....
Everybody can't have a figure
ike Adeaid Adams.
That's a matter of opinion.
n the opinion of Deadwood City,
there ain't no other opinion.
Now, et's get down to business.
'd ike to hire you
to come and sing in Deadwood.
e?
got a ot of nerve asking you, know.
Deadwood City ain't no Chicago...
and the Goden Garter
ain't no grand theater ike this one...
but they want you mighty bad,
and promised them you'd come.
Name your own saary.
We, the saary isn't important. t's just....
e?
Every prospector in the territory
is chewing himsef sick with tobacco...
just to get a picture of you.
Te Deadwood, iss Adams is sorry,
but she's going to Europe.
Coudn't you put that off unti
after you payed Deadwood?
Sure, coud, but....
aybe coud.
t's ridicuous. coudn't.
s this the ony picture
they have of me in Deadwood?
-The cigarette picture?
- reckon so, ma'am.
Where is Deadwood?
Dakota Territory. Out in the Back His.
-ndians?
-Sioux tribe.
But you needn't worry about njuns
when you trave with Caamity Jane.
Do trains go there?
Not for the ast 100 mies.
-But the stage is comfortabe.
-No teegraph?
No.
f you want to send a etter,
there's a dispatcher--
f refused, you'd poke that gun in my
back and march me to the rairoad station.
-We, now--
-'m at your mercy. Come hep me pack.
got a strange feeing
someone is being husted.
[Adventurous instrumenta music]
[Native American music]
[Batte cries]
[Dramatic batte music]
Come on, you redskin naked heathens!
Run up here and get your one-way ticket
to the happy hunting grounds!
Come on, catch us! And catch that!
And that!
Get the steam up in them horses.
Are you comfortabe in there,
iss Adams?
We, it's a over.
tod you, you had nothing to worry about.
Not when you're riding with Caamity.
iss Adams, you a right?
iss Adams.
AN: Caamity's back,
and she brought Adeaid Adams.
[Cheering]
CALATY: Quiet! Listen to me!
A right,
you mangy pack of dirt-scratching beetes.
promised you Adeaid Adams,
and brought her.
[Cheering]
Quiet! Wait a minute!
Everybody stand back.
Let's give her a rea Deadwood wecome.
CALATY: Throw them bags down,
Rattesnake.
-Your servant, ma'am, Bi Hickok.
-Wid Bi Hickok?
f am, you coud tame me, ma'am.
Lieutenant Danie Gimartin, iss Adams.
Yours to command.
Thank you.
This way, iss Adams.
iss Adams, you are here.
'm unworthy. y theater is unworthy.
But you're a true artist. You are here.
Yes, 'm here.
iss Adams, permit me to introduce
a feow thespian, aso from the East.
r. Francis Fryer.
How do you do, r. Fryer?
Fryer. Don't know you from somewhere?
We payed St. Louis
the same week ast year.
At different theaters, of course.
How nice to see you again.
Sha we go inside, iss Adams?
Caam, you did it!
coud shoot mysef with happiness.
aybe shoud shoot mysef
for bringing her.
iss Adams, ' show you to your room.
Finest room in the house.
Had it speciay decorated.
Thank you.
Gentemen.
[Laughter]
-Congratuations, Caamity.
-Ony Caamity coud do it!
bet if she went after Sitting Bu
she'd bring him back, too.
Did you see the show?
Did you see iss Adams work?
What is it ike in the big city?
Boys,
Chicago's the biggest noise in inois!
Listen.
[Sings upbeat song]
[Faint honky-tonk music]
Hurry up. This isn't just any night.
This is Adeaid Adams' night.
Hear that crowd!
You've got to know. 've got to te you.
That gir, she's....
Oh, never mind.
iie, that Adeaid Adams, she isn't....
mean, she's....
What's the use if she is or if she isn't?
She's got to be.
Because if she isn't, that crowd....
We' a be....
' have two fast horses waiting
at the stage entrance.
Why? 'm not going anywhere.
Actors are crazy peope.
Scared, aren't you, Katie Brown?
You thought it was smart
posing as Adeaid Adams.
You'd ike to run ike mad, woudn't you?
Catch a train, get out of this crazy town.
But you can't. You're trapped.
There is no train.
Oh, cever, cever you.
[Knocking at the door]
LLER: Five minutes, iss Adams.
KATE: ' be ready.
Five minutes, and ook at you.
You haven't even got a face.
[Drum ro]
[Appause]
Gentemen and.... Gentemen.
[Laughter and appause]
The great moment has finay arrived.
There are no words to describe the beauty
of the ady you are about to meet.
No meody as sweet as the voice
you are about to hear.
[nfant crying]
Gosh amighty, it's Bi Hickok!
[Laughter]
Ain't he gorgeous?
Wid Bi Hickok, sweetheart of the Sioux!
Where are the rest of your kids,
Pocahontas?
Here, take him.
Thanks. Everybody get out of here.
A right. That's enough, do you hear?
[Sience]
Bi Hickok!
The funniest sight 've ever seen.
Caamity, pease! He's mad.
Don't break up the show!
A right, Caam. paid my debt.
The next man that aughs
is going to get his head ventiated.
[Sience]
[Caamity aughs oudy]
Caam, pease! iss Adams is waiting.
The one and ony, iss Adeaid Adams!
Go on out there
and give them everything, Katie.
Katie?
-She don't ook much ike her pictures.
-She's prettier.
[Katie sings offkey]
What's the matter with her?
She didn't sing ike that in Chicago.
AN: Where's your voice, Adeaid?
You eave it in Chicago?
[Laughter]
-That's the great Adeaid Adams?
-The poor, fooish kid.
Sing out, Adeaid, ike you did in Chicago!
can't. 'm not Adeaid Adams!
[Shocked murmurs]
You're not....
[Sience]
She's joshing.
Of course she's Adeaid Adams.
brought her mysef, didn't ?
ought to know. ''Not Adeaid Adams.''
Don't joke ike that, Adeaid.
These gaoots ain't got no sense of humor.
t's not a joke. wish it were.
[Angry shouting]
Pease don't be angry with me.
know shoudn't have done it, but--
Let's get this straight.
You say you're not Adeaid Adams?
No, ma'am. Sir.
'm Katie Brown.
Katie Brown?
Caamity!
You were Adeaid Adams in Chicago,
in her dressing room.
was her maid.
She gave me her costumes.
She was going to Europe,
and wanted so bady to be on the stage.
-Caamity framed it.
-Yeah, bringing in Adeaid's maid.
She ought to be run out of town.
Feows, isten.
What's Adeaid Adams to us, anyhow?
f this is a doube-cross...
you can doube-cross me ike this
every day of the week.
didn't know. thought she was Adeaid.
'm just as surprised as you are.
So hep me, Bi, can't understand.
Pease don't bame Caamity.
She didn't know. She didn't!
fooed her just as tried to foo you.
t's a my faut.
thought coud make you ike me.
[Angry shouting]
Don't et her bu-nose you.
She ain't getting away with it this time.
There, now. That's better.
Ain't you ashamed of yourseves,
treating a ady this way?
A right, so she ain't Adeaid Adams.
She made off she was
because she wanted to be an actress.
And she thought maybe
we'd give her that chance.
What's wrong with that, anyhow?
We're a here on the same ticket.
You a came here to Deadwood
ooking for something...
you coudn't find anywhere ese.
You're a ooking for that pot of god,
and Katie here ain't no different!
We, what have you got to say?
Are you going to grouch about a picture,
or are you going to give a rea ive...
and pretty young ady
a chance to prove she beongs here?
t's up to you.
-As ong as she's up there, et her sing.
-A right, give her a chance.
What do we've got to ose?
That's a we want to hear.
Let her rip, Katie Brown.
Give it a you got. Do it your own way.
Pay.
[Sings payfu song]
[Appause and cheers]
She is great! Deadwood doesn't need
no imported actress. We ro our own!
Let me oose!
Let me oose! Quit it, Bi Hickok.
So hep me, ' shoot your ears off.
Quit it, say. Let me oose!
You hear what say? Let me out of this!
Bi Hickok, ' get you,
if it's the ast thing do. Let me down!
You no-good sneaking sidewinder.
Let me down out of here.
Adeaid Adams?
And me in this squaw getup.
You've got the biggest mouth
in the whoe Dakota Territory.
You fap-eared varmint, et me down!
[Laughter]
You dirty, mangy, moe-egged,
miserabe son of a sinking coyote!
Let me down out of here!
Fap your wings, Caam, you can fy!
Let me down!
' get you for this.
Here we go.
You're eaving aready, iss Brown?
You ony opened ast night.
'm sorry.
was hoping to get better acquainted.
Getting better acquainted with him
is ike making a pet out of a poecat.
think that woud be very nice,
r. Hickok.
t ain't ikey ' turn up in Chicago.
Chicago? 'm not going to Chicago.
You're not? Where are you going?
t ain't none of your business, squaw man.
'm moving into Caamity's cabin with her.
-You're what?
- brought her, and 'm responsibe for her.
-What's the matter with the hote?
-Nothing.
There aren't many women in town...
and Caamity had the idea
we shoud ive together...
and sort of chaperone each other.
You chaperone Caam? And she....
This ought to be interesting.
We're mighty gad you approve.
And, r. Hickok,
pease fee free to drop in any time.
Thank you kindy, ma'am.
Fee it, but don't try it!
-Come on in, Bi, ' get you a drink.
-No thanks.
f fet any higher, 'd be fying!
Harry, come here.
want you to do something for me.
[Sow banjo music]
[Sings ove baad]
We, there she sets. Just where eft her.
won that cabin
from a Kansas feow in a poker game.
A week before he died of ead poisoning.
Bi was in that game.
He ost everything but his fiings.
-Let me hep you down.
-Thank you.
Do you disike r. Hickok
as much as you pretend to?
Disike Bi? e and Bi are thicker
than fies in a Pawnee camp.
We're ike the seven-year itch
to each other, but it's fun scratching.
That Bi Hickok is about the best friend
ever had.
Of course, my sparky taste....
That kind of runs to bue uniforms
and shiny buttons.
-Like second ieutenants wear?
-Like second...
ieutenants wear.
ake yoursef right at home.
[Shrieks]
CALATY: Be carefu.
You and me wi batch it here
as cozy as two bugs in a banket.
Excuse me.
reckon it needs a itte airing around here.
Ain't used the pace much,
it's too onesome.
ike to bunk out in the open
under a wagon or something.
know one thing we' have penty of:
Home cooking.
Just hand me a sack of four
and bacon grease....
Looks ike we're out of water.
t's right handy though,
get it from the creek down there.
That's one good thing about this pace.
No, guess there's nothing good about it.
'm sorry, Katie.
-t wi be a right, Caam. Fine.
-No, it won't.
t ain't fit for a dog, et aone a ady.
didn't know it ti you came in here.
Just ike didn't know how far
from being a ady was ti saw you...
in that dressing room in Chicago.
What do know about nice things?
ain't never had any.
Come on, ' drive you back to the hote.
'm staying right here.
n this rat's nest?
We can fix it. ake it rea nice.
A it needs is a woman's touch.
A woman's touch?
[Sing spirited song]
t's up to me? ' bet $40.
Howdy, Lieutenant. Care to take a hand?
Not now, thanks. You see...
'm ooking for....
No, not now.
t's up to you, Bi. Ca or fod?
-Where are you going?
-The same pace the Lieutenant's going.
Ony 'm going to be there first.
A right, a right, 've got ears.
'm coming.
-'d ike to see iss Brown.
-You and every other rooster in town.
She's not staying here.
She moved in with Caamity.
aybe 'd better have a sign painted.
With Caamity?
[Sow instrumenta music]
[Approaching horse]
[Adventurous instrumenta music]
KATE: Where are you going, Caam?
Herb Potter's got tick fever,
he's at his cabin by himsef.
He needs some doing for him.
No shoes?
can't wear shoes across the creek.
Bi.
-Heo, Katie.
-Lieutenant.
Say, that's a right smart harness
you're wearing.
You just keep on getting prettier and....
-Here.
-They're very nice. Caamity oves fowers.
-The Lieutenant never cas without them.
-Wait.
brought them for....
Where is Caamity?
Up the hi visiting a sick prospector.
Won't you come in?
That's Caam,
just can't resist a distress signa.
-This ain't Caam's cabin.
-t sure doesn't ook ike it.
We fixed it up a itte.
Sit down and ' make you some tea.
KATE: t won't take ong.
Say, Lieutenant,
don't they need you back at the Fort?
They' manage.
thought you had a poker game going.
There's aways a poker game going.
With the Cheyennes on the war path,
foks woud fee a heap safer...
if you sodiers didn't gaivant around
so much, wasting taxpayer's money.
Nice of you to think of the taxpayers,
after the money you cost them in funeras.
Oh, dear.
'm a out of wood.
' have to go out and chop some.
-' do it.
-Here, et me.
- hate to troube you, Bi.
-No troube at a, ma'am.
Katie.
t was very thoughtfu of you
and r. Hickok to ook in on us.
Deadwood is that kind of a nice town.
mean, everyone's so friendy and nice.
After the foo made of mysef
the other night...
the way they forgave me and et me go on.
Anyone coud forgive you anything, Katie.
Not anything, Lieutenant.
And not Caamity.
don't know what idea you have
about Caamity and me, but--
t's not my idea, it's hers.
She's in ove with you.
But that's ridicuous.
We're friends, good friends.
She even saved my ife.
-But you can't beieve that and she--
- ike Caamity, Lieutenant.
She's been very good to me.
woud no more think of coming between
her and the man she oves....
The man she oves? Katie, swear--
Fancy that, it was there a the time.
Danny, beieve me--
-Here we are. t didn't take ong, did it?
-Not ong enough.
The shaw, it fe....
Let's have tea.
They've got a new commander at the Fort,
Genera Stark. He says he knows you.
Yes, served under him in Virginia
during the war.
They're having a ba in his honor
Saturday night. thought you--
've been invited mysef.
kind of hoped you'd go with me, Katie.
She is going with me.
t's customary, Lieutenant,
to et the ady choose for hersef.
-Coudn't the four of us go together?
-What four of us?
We, you, Bi, me, and Caamity.
Caamity?
She's been invited, too,
and if she doesn't go, won't either.
She's been expecting you to ask her,
Lieutenant.
e? Why me? tod you how --
That's a right smart arrangement.
Settes everything.
Caam goes with the ieutenant,
and you go with me.
Over my dead body.
Get a itte respect in your voice
when you tak about Caam...
or it might just be that way.
-She's a mighty fine gir.
-Gir?
-You shoud be proud to take her.
-You woud be, woudn't you?
sure woud.
Wait! ain't gonna be stampeded
into no fast shuffe!
know what you're thinking, both of you.
Caamity's fine on top a stagecoach
or behind an oxtai but...
not ady enough for socia appearances
with distinguished gentemen.
We, she ain't beautifu.
Caamity's not beautifu? You boys
have a big surprise in store for you.
There's ony one way to sette this,
and that's to draw straws.
The ong straw gets Katie,
and the oser takes Caam.
s that a right with you, Katie?
Draw, Lieutenant.
won!
-' have the prettiest gir at the ba.
-Don't bet on it.
Bi, keep your eyes on that door.
Caamity!
fe in that dangbasted creek!
[Bi and Danny augh]
Gosh amighty, ook who's here.
What brought you
to this neck of the woods?
njun troube?
They came to ask you to go to the ba.
Both of you?
That's pum fattering.
-Ony can't go with both of you.
-t's a right. We drew straws.
You did? Who won?
did, Caam.
You did? We, that's fine, Bi.
That's mighty fine.
Ain't no one 'd rather tag aong with.
Try to get yoursef ceaned up
by Saturday, and ' ca for you.
heard te it' be a pumb fancy affair.
Sodiers in dress uniforms,
adies in fancy gowns.
've never been to a big shindig ike that.
reckon ' burst my corset strings
in the pride of just being asked.
' fix you some tea.
Danny.
Ask Katie to go, Danny.
know you want to take me, but ask her.
Do it for me, Danny, pease.
You're quite a ady, Caamity.
[Tender instrumenta music]
-Did you have to wear that od army coat?
-Od coat?
t was Custer's, Bi.
He gave it to me himsef.
f it's good enough for Custer,
it ought to be good enough for Fort Scuy.
This ain't no scaping expedition
against Sitting Bu. We're going to a ba.
know it. We sure got a night for it,
ain't we, Bi?
Don't it thri you
just to ook at them his?
t sure does.
No wonder the njuns
fight so fierce to hang on to this country.
[Harmonica pays and guitar strums]
[Sings pioneer baad]
[Sweeping watz]
That can't be Caamity.
Why, she's beautifu!
What happened to her?
ALL: Save one for me, iss Caamity.
Wait a minute, feows.
can't get a your names
on this here card.
can't even spe most of them.
That's a got room for.
What you need is a bigger card!
Caamity has been hoding out on us,
carrying conceaed weapons.
How come a these gaoots
want to dance with me?
At that shindig at Hogan's stabe,
none of them came around.
- didn't know.
- spent the night chatting with the mues.
That's what 've been teing you,
that you'd ook better in a dress.
Do , Danny?
You're an absoute vision, Caamity.
OFFCER: Caamity, is this dance open?
We, 'm kind of saving this one.
Come on, Caam.
Danny hasn't even asked me for a dance.
know.
Katie and him are thicker than moasses.
Bi, ook there.
He's taking her out in the garden.
Katie, daring.
Danny, we shoudn't.
ove you, Katie.
....
What about Caamity?
Caamity can be your bridesmaid.
BLL: Caam, wait.
-Where are you going?
-Home.
brought her here. e.
A the way from Chicago.
Just to make ove to Danny.
This town ain't big enough for me
and that man-rusting petticoat!
t ain't that serious.
Peope aways act siy at these sociabes.
You saw them out in that garden.
They weren't acting!
-Give me that gun.
-Stand cear, Bi Hickok.
don't see her anywhere, Danny.
You're the ony person in the word
who'd worry about Caamity.
Bridesmaid?
-Are you a right?
-Yes, 'm a right.
CALATY: She's nothing but a miserabe,
two-timing caim jumper.
Hep me get out of this dangbasted thing!
We, stand sti.
even took her in my own cabin
because figured she'd need protection.
Like a wease in a hencoop,
she needs protection!
Throw that in
with the rest of her man-traps.
And that! And that!
bet it wasn't the first time
she kissed him.
bet it's been going on a the time.
Here, in my own cabin.
Gosh amighty, 'm dumb!
f you have to bame somebody,
bame that pretty-boy ieutenant of yours.
t seems to me
he was on the other end of the kissing.
She charmed him hog-eyed.
Look at these. Pure sik!
' bet her mother spun them!
Take them to her!
Te her to keep out of my sight!
So hep me, Bi, if ever see her again...
' put a buet smack in the midde
of that pretty face!
n both of them!
[Caamity cries]
[Sing payfu song]
-Sarsaparia.
-Caam, where have you been?
Katie said to te you if you come in,
she'd ike to see you.
She's going to see me. Right now.
There's going to be troube.
[Sience]
What do you want, Caamity?
There's a stage eaving at noon tomorrow.
Be on it!
Are you threatening me?
'm warning you.
What is it? What's going on?
Caamity just warned Katie
to get out of town.
Buck, end me a gun.
KATE: Caamity.
Hod up your gass.
What's the matter? Are you afraid?
AN: Katie's done it!
[Cheering]
magine Katie making a shot ike that!
-Where are you going, Caam? Come here.
-Leave me be.
-Get in that buggy.
-Let go of me!
Get in there or ' knock you senseess,
if you had any sense.
've seen you do ots of crazy things...
but this is the first time
've seen you make a foo of yoursef.
Sit down and isten.
You're a fake, Caam.
You dress, tak, ride and shoot
ike a man, but you think ike a femae!
Like a green-eyed, snaring,
spitting femae.
Katie beat you twice, out of your man and
out of the respect you had around here.
And you heped her!
did, too.
She didn't shoot the gass out of
your hand, did. You needed a esson.
Who are you to te peope who to ove?
Suppose you did scare her out of town,
woud that get your ieutenant back?
Woud that stop Katie from oving him,
or him her?
That's femae thinking.
He'd bring her back,
and they woud both hate you.
You had to ose tonight, Caam,
or you'd never win again.
Go on, baw. Admit you're a femae.
Have your hysterics, get them over with.
You' fee better.
was so pumb crazy about him.
know. fet the same way about her.
You mean, you're in ove with Katie?
t's funny, ain't it?
Bi, 'm sorry. didn't know.
That's a right.
t' take some time, but ' get over it.
You wi, too.
-No, won't. Not Danny.
-Yes, you wi.
A 've done for months
is dream about him.
About getting married,
and buiding a cabin...
and having young'uns.
know it sounds siy, guess, but...
Bi, reay wanted a those things.
was kind of hankering for them mysef.
There' never be another man ike him.
Not for me. Not ever.
t ain't going to be easy
getting her out of my system either.
She was so beautifu and....
[Romantic instrumenta music]
What ever happened to that ieutenant
you were teing me about?
never heard of him.
[Sings tender ove song]
[Horse nays]
Howdy, Fanagan.
How's the caim panning out?
The way she acted,
no wonder nobody wi tak to her.
hope she don't speak to me.
hate to insut women.
Howdy, feows. 'orning, Biy.
-Howdy, Francis.
-Heo, Caamity.
Have you seen Bi around?
He and Coorado
are out working their caim.
How come they are taking down
them signs?
Katie's not here anymore.
Where is she?
Has she been hurt? s she sick?
Te me, Francis, where is she?
On her way back to Chicago.
Chicago?
You warned her to get out of town,
didn't you? We, she got.
But didn't mean it! was loco.
didn't want her to go.
That's what came to te her.
You're ate. The stage eft a haf hour ago.
The town is going to miss that kid.
didn't think she'd go, swear it.
She wasn't scared. She shot back at me.
Why woud she go away? Why?
Because she's a ady, Caamity.
She's not mean and sefish, and never
earned to wreck peope's ives ike....
Like me. Say it!
don't have to say it. She eft this note.
t says everything. Listen.
''Dear Danny: Caamity oves you and--''
-But, don't!
-Shut up and isten!
''Caamity oves you
and you probaby ove her.
'' had no right to come between you.
ove you both, and want you to be happy.
''Pretend it was Adeaid Adams
who came to Deadwood.
''Katie Brown never existed.
She doesn't now. Goodbye, Danny.''
Never existed?
She was the most rea person
in Deadwood.
Put them signs back up.
'm bringing that stage back here!
[Adventurous instrumenta music]
BLL: Caam, where are you going?
Come on!
don't know what kind of ife you' have
iving with that catamount...
but it ain't gonna be du.
That's for dang sure.
CALATY: Rattesnake!
CALATY: Rattesnake, stop!
Why don't you stop when ye?
thought you was njuns.
Katie, 'm going to get married!
Congratuations.
Rattesnake, stop this coach!
But 'm going to be rs. Hickok.
Bi? But thought you oved Danny.
That's femae thinking.
Nothing wi get you into more troube.
We, where are we heading,
Chicago or back to Deadwood?
Deadwood, Caam. Home!
Femaes! Pure femaes!
[Sings joyous ove song]
[Sings cheerfu song]
[Sings joyous ove song]
What's this for?
That's in case any more actresses
ro in from Chicago.
[Laughter]
[Sing upbeat pioneer song]
[Chorus sings upbeat pioneer song]
SDH subtites conformed by
SOFTTLER
Engish - SDH