Calamity Jane (2024) Movie Script
1
Trying to freeze me and the kid
before we get to town,
Marshall?
It's colder than the balls
of hell in here.
Bowels, dumb shit.
What?
Never mind.
- The fuck you say?
- Sit the fuck down, Floyd.
Settle down, Jane.
Nah, she ain't her.
Whoa, whoa!
I wouldn't go out there.
Yeah. Why not?
Doesn't smell right.
Deputy?
Stay here.
Can I help you, ma'am?
Got thrown. Horse took off.
Messed up my leg.
Let's move!
What is it?
- You wanna let me
out of these shackles?
Jesus, Deputy,
he's just a kid.
I won't hesitate to shoot you.
Hey, are you
really Calamity Jane?
Stop your whinin'.
Alton wants
your coachin' horses,
and your guns of course.
And any other valuables
you may be carrying
on your persons
or otherwise.
- Okay, on the count three.
- What? Wha--
One.
Press down.
I am the Deputy Sheriff
in the city of Deadwood,
transportin' these prisoners
back to face justice.
And?
I'm afraid
we're at an impasse.
I'm not surrendering this stage.
Get.
Take your time.
Whoa! Whoa.
- What are you doin'?
- Well, I appreciate the help,
but that don't change the fact
you got a date with the judge.
You no-good son of a--
Where's Slaughter?
Didn't make it.
Goddamn it.
How'd our cargo fare?
Two out of three.
Come on.
Calamity fuckin' Jane.
You need to
get that kid a doctor.
I need to get you both
in that cell.
You swore an oath.
In a land built
on broken oaths?
He'll get a fair trial
if he lasts that long.
Now...
if I were you, I'd be
a little more concerned
about my own prospects.
Keep watch, Deputy.
It'd be a shame if anything
happened to them.
Go on.
Yeah, from what I hear,
your sheriff ain't much
for following the law.
Rumor has it, he likes
being judge and executioner.
You okay with that?
What about me saving your ass?
You think saving a couple lives
absolves you of your sins?
Well, shit.
I figured it couldn't hurt.
Calamity...
Calamity Jane?
You know who I am?
No. Nor do I give
a buffalo shit.
Well,
I'm wanted for murder
in five states.
He says they gonna
hang me in the morning.
Well I tell you
a little secret?
Ain't the first time
that they try.
I ain't yet done
leaving my mark.
Hey. Hmm.
My brother's coming tomorrow
to bust me out.
I might let you come with us
if you ask nice.
I'm good.
You best not piss me off,
or you're gonna be...
next.
Yeah, that's right.
Take a nice look.
Hey.
Keep it down in there.
You're exactly the firestorm
I imagined, Calamity Jane.
Calamity Jane.
Calamity fuckin' Jane.
Whose the letter for?
- Nobody.
- Nobody?
You mean ain't nobody
gonna read your letter?
It's not a letter. It's a book.
A book?
I was covering the war
for Harper's Weekly
until the killing got to me.
Family's torn apart,
fighting one another,
it was a rotten deal.
So I headed out West
and here I am.
A writer.
Damn.
What's the book about?
So how'd you get
the name Calamity Jane?
I'm guessing your mama
didn't call you that.
Now, Deputy, you're not thinking
about putting little old me
in your book now, are you?
They called me Martha.
Mama died of pneumonia
when I was 12.
Pa two years later,
leaving me to raise the family.
Now, Calamity.
You're gonna wanna
write this down.
Oh, well, is it--
is it story time now?
Sure is. And I'll be sure
to use small words for you.
- Hmm. Hmm.
- Now,
Calamity.
That name was given to me
by good old Cap Egan
when we was fighting Indians
just south of Goose Creek.
They ambushed us
about a mile from our post.
Cap Egan takes an arrow
and nearly dies twice
falling off his steed,
and I snatched him up
before they could maul him
and took one in the gut.
When we got back to camp,
he got the whole
regiment together,
made a toast.
To Calamity Jane,
Queen of the High Plain.
Or some shit like that.
Memory gets a little murky
on account of the whiskey.
Sounds like bullshit to me.
Hurts worse than
a conversation with a priest
when it rains.
Oh, that's a nice one.
You ever get tired of it?
Imagine a lot comes along
with a name like Calamity.
I suppose.
But now, history
doesn't remember Janes.
No, it don't.
Or Abigails.
Based off
the beautiful voice,
coach full of arrows tells me
that I'm in the right place.
About time.
- Can I help you, sir?
- Backin' the fuck up
would be a good start.
Holy shit.
Well, if it ain't
Wild Bill himself.
Ooh, you guys have a collection
of real nasty folks here,
don't we?
Got no quarrel
with you as of yet.
- Mm, ooh.
- Or the law.
I'm just here to see
my wife-to-be.
Aw. Ain't that sweet.
Heard the coach got shot up.
Just wanted to make sure
that you were--
I'm fine,
as I can be under
the circumstances.
You smell good.
I smell like sweat.
That's what I said.
You left this.
Aren't you gonna put it on?
I got something else for you.
Do, you remember
that little plot of land
outside Lewis County?
Place with the wildflowers?
And the orchard with
the little apple trees.
It's ours now.
So what?
Wild Bill Hickok's
just gonna settle down
and become a fuckin' farmer?
That's exactly what
he's gonna do, with you.
Maybe a few little ones
running around.
Ugh.
Now, what trivial matter
did you arrest
my wife-to-be for?
She got drunk
and robbed some ranchers.
They were thieving wrestlers.
They besmirched my honor,
and I wasn't drunk.
Well, I can still smell
the whiskey.
I'll talk to the bellman
in the mornin'.
We'll have you outta here
'bout midday.
When the times
are getting dark,
and the night things
are growling at you,
remember to lean
on the good work
of the Lord for guidance.
Nothing wrong with spreading
the word of the Lord.
Yeah, well,
we don't see too much
of the good Lord
here in Deadwood.
Promise you'll go
straight to sleep
and wait for the magistrate.
Of course.
No drinking.
No cards.
I love you.
No fuckin' cards,
Bill, I mean it.
I heard you.
High noon tomorrow.
- Deputy.
- No fuckin' cards, Bill.
What are you doin'
with that killer?
You and I did some killing
earlier ourselves, Deputy,
or did you forget that already?
That was different.
We was defending ourselves.
Right.
There is a darkness
in his eyes.
- Is that right?
- You're different.
You ain't got what he got.
You sure about that?
You don't know shit about me.
There's good in Bill.
He just needs a little
salvation is all.
Salvation?
For people like us? Uh-uh.
There ain't nothing
waiting in the sky
for savages and outlaws.
Ain't that right,
lawman?
Go on.
Get your asses
back upstairs
and pay what you owe!
Mmm.
Ah, keep 'em coming,
sweetheart.
And on the seventh day,
the good Lord
sent his favorite son
to rob you bastards blind.
Whiskey.
Thank you.
Ain't no room for you
at this table, Wild Bill.
Jack McCall,
is that, uh, slavin',
whorin' brother Baron of yours
still making his living
off the backs of others?
If you know my brother,
you know he don't take kindly
to you insulting our name.
Yeah, I reckon
I don't give a fuck.
I'm afraid my man
Riley's sitting there.
Ten.
Raise.
Twenty.
Forty.
Well...
two pair. Aces high.
You're fuckin' crazy,
just like they say.
What's the most
you ever lost on a hand?
What's the most
you ever lost on a hand?
'Cause my Colt
has been trained at your nuts
since I sat down.
Now, from what I can gather,
that's not a Colt.
And if it ain't, I don't think
I'd trust it in a gunfight.
Now your bullet
could go to the right,
could go to the left.
That thing could backfire,
hit you right in the face,
which from where I'm sitting,
well, that'd be
a fuckin' improvement.
Only man here
allowed to dirty these floors
is my late husband.
Well, since the lady says so,
and since I'm in such
a good mood...
...I'm gonna let you live.
Jack, Jack, Jack, you--
you're forgetting something.
I-I don't reckon I did.
You-you forgot
to say thank you.
- What?
- You forgot to say thank you.
Thank you, Wild Bill.
Thank you for letting me live.
Thank you, Wild Bill,
- for letting me--
- Oh, shit.
You're really gonna do it.
Oh, I'm just fuckin'
with you. Thank you.
Okay.
Easy, easy.
Let me
ask you something.
As an outlaw, what would you say
you fear the most?
Mmm.
I'd say dumb fuckin' questions
are at the top of the list.
Death?
No. Died once already.
Drowned in the Platte River.
Just out for a swim, were you?
A hundred miles
working for General Crook.
Doc said I collapsed and died.
Fourteen days later,
I wake up in the hospital.
Sounds like a miracle.
Is that what you're gonna
put in your book? Hmm?
A miracle?
Sure. Why not?
Miracle's just another word
for dumb luck.
You don't believe in God?
You honestly think
it'd make a difference if I did?
I do.
My rifle.
It's Wild Bill.
Jack McCall blew
his fuckin' brains out
- all over the saloon.
- Bullshit.
I've seen it myself.
The undertaker's got
his body already.
Let me out.
Now, I'm gonna go make sure
he doesn't skip town.
You stay here
and keep a look out.
- Are you sure you don't need--
- Stay here.
Oh, shit.
You really think
Rick knows Jack McCall
killed Wild Bill Hickok?
Ooh.
Wild Bill shot
my friend's uncle
outside of Promise, Nevada,
without no provoking.
He got what was coming to him.
Maybe that's just God's way
of evening things out.
Jane! Hey!
Oh, no, pretty face.
I saved your life.
Thank you very much.
Oh. Ahem.
Ah, don't take it personal.
You know what I wish?
I wish it were me
that had done it.
Could you imagine?
Me...
the man who killed Wild Bill?
Oh.
You're a dead man.
Oh, what was that?
Come-- come again?
Okay, calm.
C-calm, calm, calm, calm now.
Okay.
Oh, rawr.
Night-night.
You'll hang after trial.
Don't throw your life away.
What life?
Jane!
She has got more grit
than a Texas tornado,
don't she?
Fuck.
Now, when you put this part
in your little book,
make sure you get
my name right.
It's Abigail,
with two "I's."
Ooh!
You're a thoroughbred,
aren't you, lawman?
Mm.
Ah, come on.
What you got there, hmm?
Whiskey, for the hotel.
Mm.
You seen Jack McCall?
No.
Do you know where maybe
I could find him?
Last time he came through here,
he stayed at the Stone Inn.
How about I come
and see you tonight?
I don't think so.
It's gonna be real busy
at the saloon.
I'll see you tonight.
Come on.
Where are they?
What happened to him?
Calamity Jane.
I left you ten minutes ago.
Keys?
Hmm, won't be needing that.
Mmm.
Careful now. You're about
to get in bed with the man
who killed frontier legend
Wild Bill Hickok.
You son of a bitch!
I will kill you!
- I got money.
- You think this is about money?
Yeah, well,
Wild Bill's dead.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey, goddamn it.
- Get outta my way!
- You gonna execute me
- like you did Sheriff Griggs?
- Jack shot Griggs.
Step aside, Deputy.
He dies, here and now.
He'll stand trial
and he'll be hung.
He shot Bill.
Just let me help you.
Please, just put down the gun.
I gotta take you back in.
You say you didn't kill
the sheriff?
Well, you can tell that
to the judge.
He shot Bill.
- Where'd she go?
- That way, that way!
Fuck.
Alright, come on now.
Oh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Come on, this way.
- Move.
Hey, look who it is.
We came to break you out.
Sorry to ruin it
for you, baby brother.
Waited as long as I could.
What the hell are we
supposed to do now?
Well, first I'm gonna
get me a drink
and then I'm sure we'll figure
something out, won't we?
Come on now, let's go.
Whoo-hoo!
Surveyor told me this place
belongs to Wild Bill Hickok.
Ran into a couple ranchers
this morning.
Said they saw you
heading up this way.
Jane?
I'm coming in.
I don't wanna shoot you...
...but I will.
Make a noise
and your dead
before you hit the ground.
You the gravedigger?
Yes, ma'am.
Do I need to worry about you
trying to stuff me in a box?
I don't do the killings
around here.
He's...
he's one of them?
Bill?
This one here.
Oh, you cleaned him up
real nice.
You knew him?
Clothes. Where are his clothes?
Uh, we burned 'em. That's--
that's--that's tradition.
Did he have
anything on him?
No, ma'am. Not by the time
he got to me, he didn't.
Can you give us a moment?
I love you too.
Can you do me
a favor, gravedigger?
On his tombstone,
can you write
that he was a decent man?
Was he?
He wanted to be.
That's got to account
for something, right?
May I ask who's makin'
the request?
His wife.
You know, I've been thinking
about what I'd do
if I had found myself
a gold mine.
Yeah, you're thinking,
were you?
Well, I figured
first thing I'd do is,
I'd buy myself
a brand-new Winchester,
some land...
and a whole goddamn lot
of them fancy Scottish cattle
like Old Mr. Foster had.
What'd you do, Abigail?
If you had a gold mine,
I'd kill you
and take all your gold.
No.
That's not what I was saying.
West's all one big
rotten fuckin' drain.
You sure he's coming?
Uh, he said
he was coming, yeah.
And he said he was gonna
pay us 400 a piece
to take him
to see his brother?
Yeah, that's
what he said, 400.
- Five hundred.
- Whoa.
Holy shit.
If it ain't Jack McCall himself.
This is the man
you was talking about?
Uh-huh. That's him.
You're fixing to pay us
500 a piece
to take you to see your brother?
- That's right.
- Why?
Passing through the Badlands
and need some protection,
is all.
You interested?
If you got the gold, we are.
There's a thousand
in gold right there.
My brother
will give you the rest
when you take me to him.
Mm. Is that right?
Put 'em down.
We leave at first light.
Come on.
And I swear to God, brother,
if you play the harmonica
one more time,
I'm gonna fuckin' kill you.
What happens now?
Now...
I'm gonna kill Jack McCall.
You know, a...
a man wiser than me once said,
if you go to embark
on a quest for revenge,
you better build two graves.
One for them
and one for yourself.
That just sounds like
a lot of fuckin' digging.
You even know
where he's headed?
I hear his brother runs a bunch
of gold mines out east.
Well, the only way to reach
those gold mines out east
is to travel through
the Badlands.
Gangs covering that territory.
Scalp-hunting
ex-Confederate devils
that make the savages
look like English royalty.
Why do I get the funny feeling
you might know another way?
'Cause I might.
What'll it cost me?
- Whatever you think's fair.
- How does it work?
We just go right on through.
Right on through
the ex-Confederate devils
that make the savages
look like English royalty?
Undertaker gets a free pass.
I gotta go through there
to pick up the product.
I really am
gonna kill Jack McCall,
and you better not
get in my way.
You pull the trigger,
I'll build the coffin.
Calamity Jane is wanted
for the death of Sheriff Griggs.
Jack McCall
is wanted for the death
of Wild Bill Hickok.
Two fugitives, three bodies,
and one of them our own.
Hell of a night,
even for Deadwood.
This is a hunt.
We are bringing them back
to the hangman.
If we don't kill them ourselves,
well we don't let 'em go either.
We bring 'em back here
for justice.
As the acting sheriff,
I have been authorized
to deputize you men to carry out
the law of this land.
Will nobody here stand
for Sheriff Briggs?
Anyone else?
You barely look
old enough to drink.
You know how to wield an iron?
No age requirement
on doing what's right.
You know how to use that thing?
I've been shooting
since I was nine.
Anyone else?
Three of y'all.
That's your posse?
I saw Calamity Jane.
She's with the undertaker,
and they're headed
for the Badlands.
Well, get some shut-eye.
We ride at first light.
Find it helps keep
the devil at bay,
at least until morning.
Devil ain't real.
Probably God neither.
The only thing
that's real is pain.
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news,
but there's a long fucking line
of people ahead of you
with a bone to pick
with the Almighty.
Yeah.
What'd you lose that's got you
so pissed off at God?
The fire's a lot less merciful
than a bullet.
Even if you get your revenge,
you're gonna be dealing
with the pain.
You can trust me on that.
Whoa.
No.
It's the way out here.
It's the way
of the world, really.
Welcome to the Badlands.
Whoa.
Looks like it's time
to play dead.
Hiya.
Whoa, chief.
That's far enough.
State your business.
Got a body to deliver
to Willow Creek.
Gun or the gold.
What'll it be?
Don't mind them.
They get a little excited
seeing fresh heads roll in.
What do you think
a scalp like that
will fetch in market, boys?
Ain't enough.
What do you mean, sir?
I mean, it ain't
fuckin' enough.
Rusty said it was two pieces.
Oh, Rusty said?
Rusty.
Can you hear me, Rusty?
Rusty?
Shit, I don't think he can hear
much of anything anymore.
Look, all I'm fixing to do
is deliver a man
to his loved ones.
You're lucky we're out here
looking out for you.
You need roughnecks
like us out here
protecting your interests.
'Cause these Badlands
become lawless,
filled with nothing
but fuckin' savages.
You got a live one back there?
Sometimes the pine warps.
Let's take a look at that
fancy woodwork.
Oh, shit. Hey.
Hey.
Thanks.
Oh, shit.
Here, okay?
Why are you doing this?
I need a ride.
Bullshit.
It's 'cause of this.
Well, don't go telling nobody.
Let me see.
Wait, just stop moving.
- I'm trying to stop the--
- Okay, okay.
Just let me enjoy the stars.
I shouldn't have
brought you here.
I always thought
when this moment came,
I'd be scared, but...
I'm not.
Shh.
Save your strength.
All we can do
is try, you know?
That's all we got.
It's just knowing that...
when the end
comes at some point
in your life, you...
try to do some good.
Well,
maybe if you're lucky,
the good outweighs the bad.
You know, they say I swam
100 miles in freezing river?
I heard that.
Well, I...
I, uh, I never swam the Platte.
Technically, I did, because
I fell in drunk,
damn near drowned.
Well, I mean,
you still got time.
From what I heard though,
it's pretty fuckin' cold.
Yeah.
Oh...
Whoa.
She here?
Nope.
Tracks are fresh.
She's close.
Whoa.
Miss me? Please don't.
I shoot you, it's your brains
all over my pretty face.
There we go.
Nice and slow.
Hi there.
Well, that's disappointing.
You got Jack McCall in there?
I do.
You gonna give him to me?
I'm not.
- Why?
- Well, for one thing, attitude.
I'm just kiddin'.
He has gold.
Lots and lots of gold.
Well, you know, some things
are more important than gold.
You're funny.
Hands where I can see them.
Damn it.
We got the place surrounded.
We're here for the outlaw,
Jack McCall...
and Calamity Jane.
Both wanted for murder.
Nobody has to die here today.
A shot like that,
Wild Bill'd still be alive.
I'ma kill you, Jack.
You kill him,
you hang for sure.
There's two types
of people, Jack!
Runners and gunners.
Which one are you?
Harper,
we'll get them from behind.
Take me to my fuckin' brother.
Get your hands off me. Get up.
I'm bringing you in.
Jack killed your sheriff.
Killed a lot of people
in my time, never claimed that
I didn't kill one that I did.
Jack pulled that trigger,
not me.
You got any more bullets?
How'd that bullet
taste, shit bag?
It's just a scratch.
- What happened?
- Three of them took off,
on horseback.
We got one pinned in here.
You gonna make us come
all the way up there and get ya?
Taking you in, dead or alive.
No one takes a Hollan
brother alive.
- Where's Jack?
- I don't know where Jack is.
Really?
Yeah.
'Cause that feels
like information
you might have shared.
I keep digging around in there,
and gangrenes gonna get it.
Even if you live,
somebody's gonna have
to lop the fucker off.
Okay, okay, okay! Okay,
they headed just north of here.
There's a camp.
It's Jack's brother's new mines.
Where?
God! God!
God, I'll tell you!
I'll tell you on the map.
I'll tell you on the map.
Jesus Christ. Just...
Just stop. Just stop.
Fire's warmer here. That's all.
Can you tell me
what's taking you so long
to write that book?
What's it about?
An outlaw tryin' to do right.
Good luck with that.
Yeah. Luck ain't got
nothing to do with it.
Maybe your problem
is that everybody's got
some good and evil in him.
I ain't gotta worry
about you tomorrow, do I?
Bring back Jack in handcuffs,
not a coffin.
What if it was your wife
who he shot in the back?
- I ain't got a wife.
- Mm.
Not anymore.
What happened?
Seven years ago when I was away
coverin' the war for Harper's,
gang of bandits
ambushed our town.
That's when I gave up writing
and took off for the law.
You didn't think about
riding out and killing him?
I tried to find 'em.
All I found was the bottom
of a bottle.
Is that why you
picked up the badge?
Revenge?
I was drinking myself to death
when I found myself in debt.
I woke up one morning
staring straight
into the eyes of a killer.
I must have pissed off someone.
He pulled the trigger.
Gun misfired.
Right there and then, I decided
it was a sign from my wife.
To do good.
I'm going.
Somethin' doesn't feel right.
Now why the hell you go and say
a thing like that? Hmm?
That's bad luck.
- We make our own luck.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, I like her.
She got spunk.
She's got something.
Mine's not far.
Probably up there.
Gatling gun.
Shit.
There's too many of 'em.
- There's just more targets.
- Drop 'em.
I said drop it.
You're gonna have to make me.
What are we waitin' for?
Stop wastin' time.
- Let's just finish 'em.
- Ah-ah-ah.
We're not savages here.
Let's hear what these
good folk have to say
before we go about
ending anyone's days.
No, fuck that.
I'm 'a shoot 'em myself.
You will do nothin'
of the sort.
Now,
how can we help you, Sheriff?
You can hand over
that murderin' son of a bitch.
Well,
you see, the problem is...
you're right.
He is a son of a bitch.
But that bitch was our mother,
which makes this particular
murderin' piece of shit
my brother.
The man you are
harborin' is wanted
by the federal government
for the murder of Bill Hickok
and Sheriff Charles Griggs.
Well, now, it appears
we're at a bit of an impasse.
What you mean?
These lands here aren't
under the jurisdiction
of any government,
federal or otherwise.
They're mine.
He needs to stand trial
for what he did.
I understand. I really do.
But I'm afraid
I cannot let him hang.
You see, Jack here, ahem,
tends to our Mama's grave
for some reason I...
I have never been able
to fuckin' fathom.
He was always her favorite.
I'll kill him.
- They knocked up my leg.
- Mm-hmm. It hurt?
Mm-hmm.
You led 'em right to us,
you dumb fuck.
Oh.
It appears your negotiating
position has changed.
Why don't you go ahead,
drop those weapons.
Mm-hmm.
Get behind the wagon!
Go!
What are you doin', kid?
No!
I got you.
I'll hold their fire.
You head for the horses.
Fuck.
Woo-wee!
She got more fight in her
than all you spineless dogs!
Where's that lawman?
Curled up somewhere
with shit in his drawers?
She was destruction
given form and purpose.
You got spirit, girl.
I could use someone like you.
You could use a bath.
That's not very
becoming of a lady.
Mmm.
That deed ain't in your name.
Yeah, well, you see,
that's where having
a relationship
with a Homestead Act magistrate
comes in handy.
That stolen property
belongs to me.
He who holds the deed,
holds the land.
I'm gonna enjoy spending time
with my brand-new land
courtesy of Wild Bill Hickok.
Or, hell, maybe I'll just burn
the whole thing to the ground.
I'm gonna enjoy killing you.
This is how we take the West.
We take,
we kill,
we dance with savages
and wallows.
I'll tell you
what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna take my deed back,
and I'm gonna kill you
and your brother.
And then I'm gonna dance
on your fucking grave.
What are you laughing at?
You shot her husband
in the back.
So what?
I want some time with her.
Don't be long.
Gotta get that gold over
that mountain before snowfall.
Jane.
This is it, gentlemen.
This is why we came out west.
Yes, it is true.
We lost some good men.
But that just means
more share for us.
We got ourselves one hell
of a haul here, boys.
However,
Uncle Sam knows
it's out here, same as us.
So that means we gotta
take it quick as we can.
Well, what are you
waiting for?
Oh, and please,
mind the dynamite.
It's fuckin' expensive.
Look at you.
Calamity fuckin' Jane.
Defenseless.
You know, you and I,
we're the same.
We're nothing alike.
You stabbed your own
fuckin' brother.
You made me.
I didn't make you do shit.
Mmm.
You and I could've
been friends.
Really?
Sure. Why not?
Oh.
You're too good, is that it?
No, I'm not good.
Not even close.
Wild Bill, gone.
Acres of beautiful
country, gone.
Freedom, gone.
You ever shut the fuck up?
The legend of Calamity Jane,
it's gonna be forgotten like
a speck of dust in the desert.
But it's gonna
live on right here.
You see, you're gonna be
the one adding to my legend...
right here.
Shut up or kill me,
you fuckin' imbecile.
Hey, Jane, get up.
Get up.
Ain't nothin' left.
I'm tired.
So you just gonna lay there
and die in the fuckin' weeds?
There she is.
We were gonna get married.
Gonna live out our days
fat and happy
on a beautiful ranch
at the edge of some
God-forsaken little town.
Were you telling the truth?
I only ever
told you the truth.
And the truth is,
right now...
...if you don't wake up,
you're gonna die.
Come on, stand up.
Stand up. Come on,
there you go.
Now, okay.
Tell me what your name is.
What's your name?
What's your name?
Jane.
Calamity Jane.
Calamity Jane.
Are you still here?
I grew up with four brothers,
and I got three left
on account of you.
You see around here,
we like to make things right.
Even, you know?
An eye for an eye.
No, I didn't touch
your brother, I...
I just fucked up
his leg a little.
I might let you
keep one of your eyes.
That way you can still
make a decent wage
at the whore house.
You deserve your revenge.
I get that.
But there's something
you should know about me.
Hmm?
I can't work at a whore house.
And why is that?
I'm married.
I'll get you!
You gotta be
fuckin' kidding me.
Missed me.
Oh, Calamity Jane.
You know what I think?
I think I'm the real Calamity.
A more powerful version,
and the creature
that's lurking inside of you.
Well, guess what, Jane?
That monster's here,
and it's gonna tear you
fuckin' apart!
What the fuck
are you talking about?
What the hell
are you doing here?
Rescuing you.
Timing could use some work.
Where the hell are they?
There's a bunch of 'em with
Jack and Baron up in the mine.
We're never gonna be able
to get 'em all.
We need some help.
Your last posse left up to be
desired on the numbers side.
Do you think you could get more?
I'm not so sure.
I have an idea.
Let's pick up the pace, boys.
I want this all packed
and loaded
before sunrise tomorrow.
Come on now, let's move it.
Baron. You seeing this?
Whoa.
What do you want, lawman?
I'm here to arrest Jack McCall,
murder of Wild Bill Hickok.
You gonna come peacefully?
I admire the commitment,
I really do.
However, you appear
to be a bit shorthanded,
and I am afraid we're
gonna need that wagon.
Last chance, Baron.
I like the odds on my side.
I think I can hear those odds!
Deputy here made me promise
to give you a chance
to change your minds.
I'm here to arrest Jack McCall
for the murder
of Wild Bill Hickok.
Whatcha say, Baron?
Baron?
- Take him.
- No!
They'll hang me.
They'll hang me!
They'll hang me!
You trying to bring
this whole mine down?
If I die, I'm taking
you with me.
Jane!
Guess we found out
you're a runner,
huh, Jack?
Fuck.
You feel that?
That cold trickling
up your spine.
That's death comin' for you.
That's me.
Look... I have money.
I've heard that one before.
This is what you want,
right? Right?
Take it.
What I want...
What I want...
is what you took from me.
I want my life back.
My husband.
My Bill!
Jane.
Don't.
He's gonna hang.
I'll make certain.
What difference does it make?
It matters to me.
You're better than him.
Did you know it was empty?
You make certain
he pays for Bill.
'Cause if you don't,
I'll be coming back.
There's room for one more.
Bet we could use
somebody with grit.
No thanks.
So what you gonna do now,
Calamity Jane?
Ah, I think I'll try
just being Jane for a while.
This will make for one hell
of a story, won't it?
I'll be on the lookout
for that book of yours.
Well, I reckon it finally
has a proper hero.
So you just let her
go like that?
That really how it happened?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
But it sure does make for one
hell of a story, doesn't it?
Trying to freeze me and the kid
before we get to town,
Marshall?
It's colder than the balls
of hell in here.
Bowels, dumb shit.
What?
Never mind.
- The fuck you say?
- Sit the fuck down, Floyd.
Settle down, Jane.
Nah, she ain't her.
Whoa, whoa!
I wouldn't go out there.
Yeah. Why not?
Doesn't smell right.
Deputy?
Stay here.
Can I help you, ma'am?
Got thrown. Horse took off.
Messed up my leg.
Let's move!
What is it?
- You wanna let me
out of these shackles?
Jesus, Deputy,
he's just a kid.
I won't hesitate to shoot you.
Hey, are you
really Calamity Jane?
Stop your whinin'.
Alton wants
your coachin' horses,
and your guns of course.
And any other valuables
you may be carrying
on your persons
or otherwise.
- Okay, on the count three.
- What? Wha--
One.
Press down.
I am the Deputy Sheriff
in the city of Deadwood,
transportin' these prisoners
back to face justice.
And?
I'm afraid
we're at an impasse.
I'm not surrendering this stage.
Get.
Take your time.
Whoa! Whoa.
- What are you doin'?
- Well, I appreciate the help,
but that don't change the fact
you got a date with the judge.
You no-good son of a--
Where's Slaughter?
Didn't make it.
Goddamn it.
How'd our cargo fare?
Two out of three.
Come on.
Calamity fuckin' Jane.
You need to
get that kid a doctor.
I need to get you both
in that cell.
You swore an oath.
In a land built
on broken oaths?
He'll get a fair trial
if he lasts that long.
Now...
if I were you, I'd be
a little more concerned
about my own prospects.
Keep watch, Deputy.
It'd be a shame if anything
happened to them.
Go on.
Yeah, from what I hear,
your sheriff ain't much
for following the law.
Rumor has it, he likes
being judge and executioner.
You okay with that?
What about me saving your ass?
You think saving a couple lives
absolves you of your sins?
Well, shit.
I figured it couldn't hurt.
Calamity...
Calamity Jane?
You know who I am?
No. Nor do I give
a buffalo shit.
Well,
I'm wanted for murder
in five states.
He says they gonna
hang me in the morning.
Well I tell you
a little secret?
Ain't the first time
that they try.
I ain't yet done
leaving my mark.
Hey. Hmm.
My brother's coming tomorrow
to bust me out.
I might let you come with us
if you ask nice.
I'm good.
You best not piss me off,
or you're gonna be...
next.
Yeah, that's right.
Take a nice look.
Hey.
Keep it down in there.
You're exactly the firestorm
I imagined, Calamity Jane.
Calamity Jane.
Calamity fuckin' Jane.
Whose the letter for?
- Nobody.
- Nobody?
You mean ain't nobody
gonna read your letter?
It's not a letter. It's a book.
A book?
I was covering the war
for Harper's Weekly
until the killing got to me.
Family's torn apart,
fighting one another,
it was a rotten deal.
So I headed out West
and here I am.
A writer.
Damn.
What's the book about?
So how'd you get
the name Calamity Jane?
I'm guessing your mama
didn't call you that.
Now, Deputy, you're not thinking
about putting little old me
in your book now, are you?
They called me Martha.
Mama died of pneumonia
when I was 12.
Pa two years later,
leaving me to raise the family.
Now, Calamity.
You're gonna wanna
write this down.
Oh, well, is it--
is it story time now?
Sure is. And I'll be sure
to use small words for you.
- Hmm. Hmm.
- Now,
Calamity.
That name was given to me
by good old Cap Egan
when we was fighting Indians
just south of Goose Creek.
They ambushed us
about a mile from our post.
Cap Egan takes an arrow
and nearly dies twice
falling off his steed,
and I snatched him up
before they could maul him
and took one in the gut.
When we got back to camp,
he got the whole
regiment together,
made a toast.
To Calamity Jane,
Queen of the High Plain.
Or some shit like that.
Memory gets a little murky
on account of the whiskey.
Sounds like bullshit to me.
Hurts worse than
a conversation with a priest
when it rains.
Oh, that's a nice one.
You ever get tired of it?
Imagine a lot comes along
with a name like Calamity.
I suppose.
But now, history
doesn't remember Janes.
No, it don't.
Or Abigails.
Based off
the beautiful voice,
coach full of arrows tells me
that I'm in the right place.
About time.
- Can I help you, sir?
- Backin' the fuck up
would be a good start.
Holy shit.
Well, if it ain't
Wild Bill himself.
Ooh, you guys have a collection
of real nasty folks here,
don't we?
Got no quarrel
with you as of yet.
- Mm, ooh.
- Or the law.
I'm just here to see
my wife-to-be.
Aw. Ain't that sweet.
Heard the coach got shot up.
Just wanted to make sure
that you were--
I'm fine,
as I can be under
the circumstances.
You smell good.
I smell like sweat.
That's what I said.
You left this.
Aren't you gonna put it on?
I got something else for you.
Do, you remember
that little plot of land
outside Lewis County?
Place with the wildflowers?
And the orchard with
the little apple trees.
It's ours now.
So what?
Wild Bill Hickok's
just gonna settle down
and become a fuckin' farmer?
That's exactly what
he's gonna do, with you.
Maybe a few little ones
running around.
Ugh.
Now, what trivial matter
did you arrest
my wife-to-be for?
She got drunk
and robbed some ranchers.
They were thieving wrestlers.
They besmirched my honor,
and I wasn't drunk.
Well, I can still smell
the whiskey.
I'll talk to the bellman
in the mornin'.
We'll have you outta here
'bout midday.
When the times
are getting dark,
and the night things
are growling at you,
remember to lean
on the good work
of the Lord for guidance.
Nothing wrong with spreading
the word of the Lord.
Yeah, well,
we don't see too much
of the good Lord
here in Deadwood.
Promise you'll go
straight to sleep
and wait for the magistrate.
Of course.
No drinking.
No cards.
I love you.
No fuckin' cards,
Bill, I mean it.
I heard you.
High noon tomorrow.
- Deputy.
- No fuckin' cards, Bill.
What are you doin'
with that killer?
You and I did some killing
earlier ourselves, Deputy,
or did you forget that already?
That was different.
We was defending ourselves.
Right.
There is a darkness
in his eyes.
- Is that right?
- You're different.
You ain't got what he got.
You sure about that?
You don't know shit about me.
There's good in Bill.
He just needs a little
salvation is all.
Salvation?
For people like us? Uh-uh.
There ain't nothing
waiting in the sky
for savages and outlaws.
Ain't that right,
lawman?
Go on.
Get your asses
back upstairs
and pay what you owe!
Mmm.
Ah, keep 'em coming,
sweetheart.
And on the seventh day,
the good Lord
sent his favorite son
to rob you bastards blind.
Whiskey.
Thank you.
Ain't no room for you
at this table, Wild Bill.
Jack McCall,
is that, uh, slavin',
whorin' brother Baron of yours
still making his living
off the backs of others?
If you know my brother,
you know he don't take kindly
to you insulting our name.
Yeah, I reckon
I don't give a fuck.
I'm afraid my man
Riley's sitting there.
Ten.
Raise.
Twenty.
Forty.
Well...
two pair. Aces high.
You're fuckin' crazy,
just like they say.
What's the most
you ever lost on a hand?
What's the most
you ever lost on a hand?
'Cause my Colt
has been trained at your nuts
since I sat down.
Now, from what I can gather,
that's not a Colt.
And if it ain't, I don't think
I'd trust it in a gunfight.
Now your bullet
could go to the right,
could go to the left.
That thing could backfire,
hit you right in the face,
which from where I'm sitting,
well, that'd be
a fuckin' improvement.
Only man here
allowed to dirty these floors
is my late husband.
Well, since the lady says so,
and since I'm in such
a good mood...
...I'm gonna let you live.
Jack, Jack, Jack, you--
you're forgetting something.
I-I don't reckon I did.
You-you forgot
to say thank you.
- What?
- You forgot to say thank you.
Thank you, Wild Bill.
Thank you for letting me live.
Thank you, Wild Bill,
- for letting me--
- Oh, shit.
You're really gonna do it.
Oh, I'm just fuckin'
with you. Thank you.
Okay.
Easy, easy.
Let me
ask you something.
As an outlaw, what would you say
you fear the most?
Mmm.
I'd say dumb fuckin' questions
are at the top of the list.
Death?
No. Died once already.
Drowned in the Platte River.
Just out for a swim, were you?
A hundred miles
working for General Crook.
Doc said I collapsed and died.
Fourteen days later,
I wake up in the hospital.
Sounds like a miracle.
Is that what you're gonna
put in your book? Hmm?
A miracle?
Sure. Why not?
Miracle's just another word
for dumb luck.
You don't believe in God?
You honestly think
it'd make a difference if I did?
I do.
My rifle.
It's Wild Bill.
Jack McCall blew
his fuckin' brains out
- all over the saloon.
- Bullshit.
I've seen it myself.
The undertaker's got
his body already.
Let me out.
Now, I'm gonna go make sure
he doesn't skip town.
You stay here
and keep a look out.
- Are you sure you don't need--
- Stay here.
Oh, shit.
You really think
Rick knows Jack McCall
killed Wild Bill Hickok?
Ooh.
Wild Bill shot
my friend's uncle
outside of Promise, Nevada,
without no provoking.
He got what was coming to him.
Maybe that's just God's way
of evening things out.
Jane! Hey!
Oh, no, pretty face.
I saved your life.
Thank you very much.
Oh. Ahem.
Ah, don't take it personal.
You know what I wish?
I wish it were me
that had done it.
Could you imagine?
Me...
the man who killed Wild Bill?
Oh.
You're a dead man.
Oh, what was that?
Come-- come again?
Okay, calm.
C-calm, calm, calm, calm now.
Okay.
Oh, rawr.
Night-night.
You'll hang after trial.
Don't throw your life away.
What life?
Jane!
She has got more grit
than a Texas tornado,
don't she?
Fuck.
Now, when you put this part
in your little book,
make sure you get
my name right.
It's Abigail,
with two "I's."
Ooh!
You're a thoroughbred,
aren't you, lawman?
Mm.
Ah, come on.
What you got there, hmm?
Whiskey, for the hotel.
Mm.
You seen Jack McCall?
No.
Do you know where maybe
I could find him?
Last time he came through here,
he stayed at the Stone Inn.
How about I come
and see you tonight?
I don't think so.
It's gonna be real busy
at the saloon.
I'll see you tonight.
Come on.
Where are they?
What happened to him?
Calamity Jane.
I left you ten minutes ago.
Keys?
Hmm, won't be needing that.
Mmm.
Careful now. You're about
to get in bed with the man
who killed frontier legend
Wild Bill Hickok.
You son of a bitch!
I will kill you!
- I got money.
- You think this is about money?
Yeah, well,
Wild Bill's dead.
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey, goddamn it.
- Get outta my way!
- You gonna execute me
- like you did Sheriff Griggs?
- Jack shot Griggs.
Step aside, Deputy.
He dies, here and now.
He'll stand trial
and he'll be hung.
He shot Bill.
Just let me help you.
Please, just put down the gun.
I gotta take you back in.
You say you didn't kill
the sheriff?
Well, you can tell that
to the judge.
He shot Bill.
- Where'd she go?
- That way, that way!
Fuck.
Alright, come on now.
Oh, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Come on, this way.
- Move.
Hey, look who it is.
We came to break you out.
Sorry to ruin it
for you, baby brother.
Waited as long as I could.
What the hell are we
supposed to do now?
Well, first I'm gonna
get me a drink
and then I'm sure we'll figure
something out, won't we?
Come on now, let's go.
Whoo-hoo!
Surveyor told me this place
belongs to Wild Bill Hickok.
Ran into a couple ranchers
this morning.
Said they saw you
heading up this way.
Jane?
I'm coming in.
I don't wanna shoot you...
...but I will.
Make a noise
and your dead
before you hit the ground.
You the gravedigger?
Yes, ma'am.
Do I need to worry about you
trying to stuff me in a box?
I don't do the killings
around here.
He's...
he's one of them?
Bill?
This one here.
Oh, you cleaned him up
real nice.
You knew him?
Clothes. Where are his clothes?
Uh, we burned 'em. That's--
that's--that's tradition.
Did he have
anything on him?
No, ma'am. Not by the time
he got to me, he didn't.
Can you give us a moment?
I love you too.
Can you do me
a favor, gravedigger?
On his tombstone,
can you write
that he was a decent man?
Was he?
He wanted to be.
That's got to account
for something, right?
May I ask who's makin'
the request?
His wife.
You know, I've been thinking
about what I'd do
if I had found myself
a gold mine.
Yeah, you're thinking,
were you?
Well, I figured
first thing I'd do is,
I'd buy myself
a brand-new Winchester,
some land...
and a whole goddamn lot
of them fancy Scottish cattle
like Old Mr. Foster had.
What'd you do, Abigail?
If you had a gold mine,
I'd kill you
and take all your gold.
No.
That's not what I was saying.
West's all one big
rotten fuckin' drain.
You sure he's coming?
Uh, he said
he was coming, yeah.
And he said he was gonna
pay us 400 a piece
to take him
to see his brother?
Yeah, that's
what he said, 400.
- Five hundred.
- Whoa.
Holy shit.
If it ain't Jack McCall himself.
This is the man
you was talking about?
Uh-huh. That's him.
You're fixing to pay us
500 a piece
to take you to see your brother?
- That's right.
- Why?
Passing through the Badlands
and need some protection,
is all.
You interested?
If you got the gold, we are.
There's a thousand
in gold right there.
My brother
will give you the rest
when you take me to him.
Mm. Is that right?
Put 'em down.
We leave at first light.
Come on.
And I swear to God, brother,
if you play the harmonica
one more time,
I'm gonna fuckin' kill you.
What happens now?
Now...
I'm gonna kill Jack McCall.
You know, a...
a man wiser than me once said,
if you go to embark
on a quest for revenge,
you better build two graves.
One for them
and one for yourself.
That just sounds like
a lot of fuckin' digging.
You even know
where he's headed?
I hear his brother runs a bunch
of gold mines out east.
Well, the only way to reach
those gold mines out east
is to travel through
the Badlands.
Gangs covering that territory.
Scalp-hunting
ex-Confederate devils
that make the savages
look like English royalty.
Why do I get the funny feeling
you might know another way?
'Cause I might.
What'll it cost me?
- Whatever you think's fair.
- How does it work?
We just go right on through.
Right on through
the ex-Confederate devils
that make the savages
look like English royalty?
Undertaker gets a free pass.
I gotta go through there
to pick up the product.
I really am
gonna kill Jack McCall,
and you better not
get in my way.
You pull the trigger,
I'll build the coffin.
Calamity Jane is wanted
for the death of Sheriff Griggs.
Jack McCall
is wanted for the death
of Wild Bill Hickok.
Two fugitives, three bodies,
and one of them our own.
Hell of a night,
even for Deadwood.
This is a hunt.
We are bringing them back
to the hangman.
If we don't kill them ourselves,
well we don't let 'em go either.
We bring 'em back here
for justice.
As the acting sheriff,
I have been authorized
to deputize you men to carry out
the law of this land.
Will nobody here stand
for Sheriff Briggs?
Anyone else?
You barely look
old enough to drink.
You know how to wield an iron?
No age requirement
on doing what's right.
You know how to use that thing?
I've been shooting
since I was nine.
Anyone else?
Three of y'all.
That's your posse?
I saw Calamity Jane.
She's with the undertaker,
and they're headed
for the Badlands.
Well, get some shut-eye.
We ride at first light.
Find it helps keep
the devil at bay,
at least until morning.
Devil ain't real.
Probably God neither.
The only thing
that's real is pain.
I hate to be the bearer
of bad news,
but there's a long fucking line
of people ahead of you
with a bone to pick
with the Almighty.
Yeah.
What'd you lose that's got you
so pissed off at God?
The fire's a lot less merciful
than a bullet.
Even if you get your revenge,
you're gonna be dealing
with the pain.
You can trust me on that.
Whoa.
No.
It's the way out here.
It's the way
of the world, really.
Welcome to the Badlands.
Whoa.
Looks like it's time
to play dead.
Hiya.
Whoa, chief.
That's far enough.
State your business.
Got a body to deliver
to Willow Creek.
Gun or the gold.
What'll it be?
Don't mind them.
They get a little excited
seeing fresh heads roll in.
What do you think
a scalp like that
will fetch in market, boys?
Ain't enough.
What do you mean, sir?
I mean, it ain't
fuckin' enough.
Rusty said it was two pieces.
Oh, Rusty said?
Rusty.
Can you hear me, Rusty?
Rusty?
Shit, I don't think he can hear
much of anything anymore.
Look, all I'm fixing to do
is deliver a man
to his loved ones.
You're lucky we're out here
looking out for you.
You need roughnecks
like us out here
protecting your interests.
'Cause these Badlands
become lawless,
filled with nothing
but fuckin' savages.
You got a live one back there?
Sometimes the pine warps.
Let's take a look at that
fancy woodwork.
Oh, shit. Hey.
Hey.
Thanks.
Oh, shit.
Here, okay?
Why are you doing this?
I need a ride.
Bullshit.
It's 'cause of this.
Well, don't go telling nobody.
Let me see.
Wait, just stop moving.
- I'm trying to stop the--
- Okay, okay.
Just let me enjoy the stars.
I shouldn't have
brought you here.
I always thought
when this moment came,
I'd be scared, but...
I'm not.
Shh.
Save your strength.
All we can do
is try, you know?
That's all we got.
It's just knowing that...
when the end
comes at some point
in your life, you...
try to do some good.
Well,
maybe if you're lucky,
the good outweighs the bad.
You know, they say I swam
100 miles in freezing river?
I heard that.
Well, I...
I, uh, I never swam the Platte.
Technically, I did, because
I fell in drunk,
damn near drowned.
Well, I mean,
you still got time.
From what I heard though,
it's pretty fuckin' cold.
Yeah.
Oh...
Whoa.
She here?
Nope.
Tracks are fresh.
She's close.
Whoa.
Miss me? Please don't.
I shoot you, it's your brains
all over my pretty face.
There we go.
Nice and slow.
Hi there.
Well, that's disappointing.
You got Jack McCall in there?
I do.
You gonna give him to me?
I'm not.
- Why?
- Well, for one thing, attitude.
I'm just kiddin'.
He has gold.
Lots and lots of gold.
Well, you know, some things
are more important than gold.
You're funny.
Hands where I can see them.
Damn it.
We got the place surrounded.
We're here for the outlaw,
Jack McCall...
and Calamity Jane.
Both wanted for murder.
Nobody has to die here today.
A shot like that,
Wild Bill'd still be alive.
I'ma kill you, Jack.
You kill him,
you hang for sure.
There's two types
of people, Jack!
Runners and gunners.
Which one are you?
Harper,
we'll get them from behind.
Take me to my fuckin' brother.
Get your hands off me. Get up.
I'm bringing you in.
Jack killed your sheriff.
Killed a lot of people
in my time, never claimed that
I didn't kill one that I did.
Jack pulled that trigger,
not me.
You got any more bullets?
How'd that bullet
taste, shit bag?
It's just a scratch.
- What happened?
- Three of them took off,
on horseback.
We got one pinned in here.
You gonna make us come
all the way up there and get ya?
Taking you in, dead or alive.
No one takes a Hollan
brother alive.
- Where's Jack?
- I don't know where Jack is.
Really?
Yeah.
'Cause that feels
like information
you might have shared.
I keep digging around in there,
and gangrenes gonna get it.
Even if you live,
somebody's gonna have
to lop the fucker off.
Okay, okay, okay! Okay,
they headed just north of here.
There's a camp.
It's Jack's brother's new mines.
Where?
God! God!
God, I'll tell you!
I'll tell you on the map.
I'll tell you on the map.
Jesus Christ. Just...
Just stop. Just stop.
Fire's warmer here. That's all.
Can you tell me
what's taking you so long
to write that book?
What's it about?
An outlaw tryin' to do right.
Good luck with that.
Yeah. Luck ain't got
nothing to do with it.
Maybe your problem
is that everybody's got
some good and evil in him.
I ain't gotta worry
about you tomorrow, do I?
Bring back Jack in handcuffs,
not a coffin.
What if it was your wife
who he shot in the back?
- I ain't got a wife.
- Mm.
Not anymore.
What happened?
Seven years ago when I was away
coverin' the war for Harper's,
gang of bandits
ambushed our town.
That's when I gave up writing
and took off for the law.
You didn't think about
riding out and killing him?
I tried to find 'em.
All I found was the bottom
of a bottle.
Is that why you
picked up the badge?
Revenge?
I was drinking myself to death
when I found myself in debt.
I woke up one morning
staring straight
into the eyes of a killer.
I must have pissed off someone.
He pulled the trigger.
Gun misfired.
Right there and then, I decided
it was a sign from my wife.
To do good.
I'm going.
Somethin' doesn't feel right.
Now why the hell you go and say
a thing like that? Hmm?
That's bad luck.
- We make our own luck.
- Mm-hmm.
Well, I like her.
She got spunk.
She's got something.
Mine's not far.
Probably up there.
Gatling gun.
Shit.
There's too many of 'em.
- There's just more targets.
- Drop 'em.
I said drop it.
You're gonna have to make me.
What are we waitin' for?
Stop wastin' time.
- Let's just finish 'em.
- Ah-ah-ah.
We're not savages here.
Let's hear what these
good folk have to say
before we go about
ending anyone's days.
No, fuck that.
I'm 'a shoot 'em myself.
You will do nothin'
of the sort.
Now,
how can we help you, Sheriff?
You can hand over
that murderin' son of a bitch.
Well,
you see, the problem is...
you're right.
He is a son of a bitch.
But that bitch was our mother,
which makes this particular
murderin' piece of shit
my brother.
The man you are
harborin' is wanted
by the federal government
for the murder of Bill Hickok
and Sheriff Charles Griggs.
Well, now, it appears
we're at a bit of an impasse.
What you mean?
These lands here aren't
under the jurisdiction
of any government,
federal or otherwise.
They're mine.
He needs to stand trial
for what he did.
I understand. I really do.
But I'm afraid
I cannot let him hang.
You see, Jack here, ahem,
tends to our Mama's grave
for some reason I...
I have never been able
to fuckin' fathom.
He was always her favorite.
I'll kill him.
- They knocked up my leg.
- Mm-hmm. It hurt?
Mm-hmm.
You led 'em right to us,
you dumb fuck.
Oh.
It appears your negotiating
position has changed.
Why don't you go ahead,
drop those weapons.
Mm-hmm.
Get behind the wagon!
Go!
What are you doin', kid?
No!
I got you.
I'll hold their fire.
You head for the horses.
Fuck.
Woo-wee!
She got more fight in her
than all you spineless dogs!
Where's that lawman?
Curled up somewhere
with shit in his drawers?
She was destruction
given form and purpose.
You got spirit, girl.
I could use someone like you.
You could use a bath.
That's not very
becoming of a lady.
Mmm.
That deed ain't in your name.
Yeah, well, you see,
that's where having
a relationship
with a Homestead Act magistrate
comes in handy.
That stolen property
belongs to me.
He who holds the deed,
holds the land.
I'm gonna enjoy spending time
with my brand-new land
courtesy of Wild Bill Hickok.
Or, hell, maybe I'll just burn
the whole thing to the ground.
I'm gonna enjoy killing you.
This is how we take the West.
We take,
we kill,
we dance with savages
and wallows.
I'll tell you
what's gonna happen.
I'm gonna take my deed back,
and I'm gonna kill you
and your brother.
And then I'm gonna dance
on your fucking grave.
What are you laughing at?
You shot her husband
in the back.
So what?
I want some time with her.
Don't be long.
Gotta get that gold over
that mountain before snowfall.
Jane.
This is it, gentlemen.
This is why we came out west.
Yes, it is true.
We lost some good men.
But that just means
more share for us.
We got ourselves one hell
of a haul here, boys.
However,
Uncle Sam knows
it's out here, same as us.
So that means we gotta
take it quick as we can.
Well, what are you
waiting for?
Oh, and please,
mind the dynamite.
It's fuckin' expensive.
Look at you.
Calamity fuckin' Jane.
Defenseless.
You know, you and I,
we're the same.
We're nothing alike.
You stabbed your own
fuckin' brother.
You made me.
I didn't make you do shit.
Mmm.
You and I could've
been friends.
Really?
Sure. Why not?
Oh.
You're too good, is that it?
No, I'm not good.
Not even close.
Wild Bill, gone.
Acres of beautiful
country, gone.
Freedom, gone.
You ever shut the fuck up?
The legend of Calamity Jane,
it's gonna be forgotten like
a speck of dust in the desert.
But it's gonna
live on right here.
You see, you're gonna be
the one adding to my legend...
right here.
Shut up or kill me,
you fuckin' imbecile.
Hey, Jane, get up.
Get up.
Ain't nothin' left.
I'm tired.
So you just gonna lay there
and die in the fuckin' weeds?
There she is.
We were gonna get married.
Gonna live out our days
fat and happy
on a beautiful ranch
at the edge of some
God-forsaken little town.
Were you telling the truth?
I only ever
told you the truth.
And the truth is,
right now...
...if you don't wake up,
you're gonna die.
Come on, stand up.
Stand up. Come on,
there you go.
Now, okay.
Tell me what your name is.
What's your name?
What's your name?
Jane.
Calamity Jane.
Calamity Jane.
Are you still here?
I grew up with four brothers,
and I got three left
on account of you.
You see around here,
we like to make things right.
Even, you know?
An eye for an eye.
No, I didn't touch
your brother, I...
I just fucked up
his leg a little.
I might let you
keep one of your eyes.
That way you can still
make a decent wage
at the whore house.
You deserve your revenge.
I get that.
But there's something
you should know about me.
Hmm?
I can't work at a whore house.
And why is that?
I'm married.
I'll get you!
You gotta be
fuckin' kidding me.
Missed me.
Oh, Calamity Jane.
You know what I think?
I think I'm the real Calamity.
A more powerful version,
and the creature
that's lurking inside of you.
Well, guess what, Jane?
That monster's here,
and it's gonna tear you
fuckin' apart!
What the fuck
are you talking about?
What the hell
are you doing here?
Rescuing you.
Timing could use some work.
Where the hell are they?
There's a bunch of 'em with
Jack and Baron up in the mine.
We're never gonna be able
to get 'em all.
We need some help.
Your last posse left up to be
desired on the numbers side.
Do you think you could get more?
I'm not so sure.
I have an idea.
Let's pick up the pace, boys.
I want this all packed
and loaded
before sunrise tomorrow.
Come on now, let's move it.
Baron. You seeing this?
Whoa.
What do you want, lawman?
I'm here to arrest Jack McCall,
murder of Wild Bill Hickok.
You gonna come peacefully?
I admire the commitment,
I really do.
However, you appear
to be a bit shorthanded,
and I am afraid we're
gonna need that wagon.
Last chance, Baron.
I like the odds on my side.
I think I can hear those odds!
Deputy here made me promise
to give you a chance
to change your minds.
I'm here to arrest Jack McCall
for the murder
of Wild Bill Hickok.
Whatcha say, Baron?
Baron?
- Take him.
- No!
They'll hang me.
They'll hang me!
They'll hang me!
You trying to bring
this whole mine down?
If I die, I'm taking
you with me.
Jane!
Guess we found out
you're a runner,
huh, Jack?
Fuck.
You feel that?
That cold trickling
up your spine.
That's death comin' for you.
That's me.
Look... I have money.
I've heard that one before.
This is what you want,
right? Right?
Take it.
What I want...
What I want...
is what you took from me.
I want my life back.
My husband.
My Bill!
Jane.
Don't.
He's gonna hang.
I'll make certain.
What difference does it make?
It matters to me.
You're better than him.
Did you know it was empty?
You make certain
he pays for Bill.
'Cause if you don't,
I'll be coming back.
There's room for one more.
Bet we could use
somebody with grit.
No thanks.
So what you gonna do now,
Calamity Jane?
Ah, I think I'll try
just being Jane for a while.
This will make for one hell
of a story, won't it?
I'll be on the lookout
for that book of yours.
Well, I reckon it finally
has a proper hero.
So you just let her
go like that?
That really how it happened?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
But it sure does make for one
hell of a story, doesn't it?