California Split (1974) Movie Script

A new game starting, five draw.
Five and ten draw. Get in the game
starting with R.B., J.L., L.B., S. G...
Five and ten draw. Get in the game
starting with R.B., J.L., L.B., S. G...
R.M., R.P., G.C., G.W., B.F., and J.B.
Five and ten draw, get in, the game's
starting. Come right in. Five draw.
L.B. five draw. Five and ten draw. L.B.
Feeling lucky?
All right, sir.
Double T.
Hello, Bill.
- Put you on at five?
- Put me on at ten.
On at ten.
Poker has been around for a long time.
It sure has.
But it isn't like this anymore.
The saloon has been replaced by this...
with a game that can be played in comfort
and with full confidence in the management.
And here is the man who is responsible
for that confidence: Mr. Murry Shepherd.
Welcome to the California Club,
where your pleasure is our business.
It has been said that nearly everyone
in America understands poker...
or wants to.
It is one of America's most popular games.
And since you have shown
an obvious interest by coming here...
we have prepared a short film
to teach you the fundamentals...
of the game as we play it here.
Service is our only commodity.
This film is part of that service.
The object of the game is to win the pot.
- Hope I remember that.
- There are two variations of this game:
- High draw. The highest ranking hand wins.
- Don't give me that.
- Low draw...
- There's my baby.
... where the winning hand holds the lowest
possible ranking combination of cards.
As you enter the club, the reservation
and game board is located in the card room.
You must stop here and tell the boardman
of your game preference.
He will enter your initials on the board...
and you will be called
and directed to a table by a floorman.
The floorman puts the games together...
interprets and applies the rules of poker.
His decisions are final.
C. W. ten blind. C. W. in the coffee shop.
C.W., ten blind.
C.W., double his money.
The management of the club
has no financial interest in any game.
There is no house deal.
Each player plays for himself.
And each in turn acts as a dealer.
When you are seated at the game,
you'll be asked to pay a rental fee...
which will be collected thereafter
at the beginning of each half hour.
B.D. ten blind. B.D., ten, twenty low.
You must have a full buy-in
when you are seated to begin playing.
Chips must be purchased from the chip girl.
The buy-in is determined
by the limit of the game you choose to play.
You must ante before you receive cards.
The ante is placed
on the number directly in front of you.
The number is also your seat number
at the table.
What do you do, Lew?
I'll call.
Acquiring the knowledge and skill
to play card games such as poker...
is a social asset.
To make the most of this asset...
it is simply good judgment
to be wanted at the card table.
Don't be a spoilsport now.
- Who's the bettor?
- $20 to you. Me.
You're so pretty I'm going to fold.
- Is everybody out?
- That's it.
You mean I've got a goddamn six
and everybody's out?
This depends even more on good manners
than upon the skill of the player.
The following principle should increase
one's popularity as a card player.
I need one little, teensy...
Sit erect.
- Maintain a quiet bearing.
- Come on, get on with it.
Come on, sweetheart.
- Avoid nervous habits.
- $40.
I have a seat for you. Now come on in.
During the game, avoid conversation
regarding matters not relating to the game.
I'll just have to call you.
An appearance of awkwardness
and clumsiness...
I didn't think you were that good.
... gives a bad impression
of one's ability to play.
Wait a minute.
What do you think you're doing?
What do you mean, "wait a minute"?
You said it was good.
No, I said that I didn't think
that you were that good. I got a seven-four.
When a hand has gone very well for you,
don't talk about it.
The film you've just been viewing cannot
instantly make you a good poker player.
The more skilled you become,
the more pleasurable you will find the game.
- I had a feeling...
- Next year.
- I call.
- Well, I'll raise the raise.
- Goodbye.
- I'm out.
And one more time to you.
What a pot.
- Another $20, huh?
- The table is so slow.
- You wanted one of these.
- Go ahead, I call.
- Cards?
- Pat.
Pat. Very interesting.
Come on.
Do you mind picking the cards up
and dealing them the regular way?
You did stay pat? You are pat?
Come on.
Wait a second, lady.
I got a big decision to make here.
I'm gonna let you break me down.
I'll let you break me down. Two cards.
- Two beauts.
- That's very nice.
- Oh, my!
- Great catch.
- Hey, pal, that card's dead.
- What are you talking about?
- The card went off the table. It's a dead card.
- You're absolutely right, chief.
My gratitude
for your knowledge of the rules...
except the card never left the table.
The card went off the table, it's a dead card.
Did you see that card go off the table?
- I didn't see nothing at all.
- It's stupid of me to ask you.
- What about you? Did you see it?
- All I see is the time passing.
- Pop, did you see it?
- Nothing.
How much you bet?
Somebody must have seen it.
- Kenny, this is ridiculous.
- I want to change my table.
- What's the problem?
- The problem is the card went off the table...
and hit the floor and he won't give it up.
There's nothing to give up.
The card never hit the floor.
- I caught it before it did.
- All right, take it easy. Who else saw it?
- Ma'am, did you see what happened?
- I didn't see it.
- How about you, sir?
- I saw a card bounce.
I don't know what happened back here.
You dealt the hand.
You ought to know what happened.
I dealt the second one a little hard.
It never hit the floor, not even close.
Not even close?
All right, that settles it, Lew.
The rule is if the card doesn't hit the floor
it plays. Continue the hand.
- I don't have another table...
- You got your ruling, play!
Just take it easy.
It's not even close. 20-20.
20-20. The flying card
didn't stop you from betting?
40-40. I raise.
What could be cozier than this?
I mean, this is perfection, isn't it?
- You and me in this hand...
- That's pretty. Just do something!
How much money you got?
How much you got left?
Not enough for the maximum bet. $3 shy.
- I bet you $17.
- Call.
- Seven smooth.
- No good. I got a six perfect.
Sorry about...
Damn it. That last card
that went off the table was a joker.
- That's why you wouldn't give it up.
- You're ridiculous.
- You said it wasn't even close.
- That's yesterday's news.
You two are working together.
You're partners.
You two motherfucking creeps are partners.
They should put a muzzle on him. That's it?
- That man is absolutely ridiculous.
- What's going on here?
What's going on with you guys?
- These two are working partners together.
- I never saw that man before in my life.
I saw him nobble the joker out
on the last deal.
The man is totally out of line.
They've been smiling at each other all night.
Come on, will you?
- Sit down and settle down.
- Get control.
Come on.
All right.
- All right, now who else saw this?
- I didn't see it.
- What about you?
- What do you want me to say?
The man calls you a cheater.
The man doesn't know how to play poker.
The man is bad. He's a complete asshole.
We all know that, right?
The man goes broke, he can't handle it.
The man is on tilt.
You want to hear any more?
- Not me.
- Come on, now.
You'd better just take it easy, sport,
'cause the security's liable to let you go!
Put that guy in a horror show.
That's it! Any more fighting, and you guys
go out of here for good, all right?
All right!
Miriam, what do you say?
I say I can do without
any more of that language.
- Right.
- You think there's any cheating going on?
I wouldn't like to say about that.
They've been consistent winners.
And I'm a big loser.
And you know I know how to play poker.
Sour grapes, honey.
All right, let's get it back to normal.
Lousy punk.
- You're not that good.
- Up yours.
Sir, would you like another beer?
...I bet it on Notre Dame 'cause
I got a feeling Notre Dame would pull it off.
They beat UCLA when
they had so many games going straight.
Yeah, it's kind of similar
to the Miami Dolphins.
- This particular game is duck soup.
- They won 17 games straight last year.
Come on.
I can beat that goddamn miserable game.
Don't make me beg for a stinking $30.
I'm sorry.
You know, your attitude
just pisses me off sometimes, Button-nose.
Don't call me that.
Now look. There you go again.
I'm not doing anything.
I need about $80 to get to the track.
Not bad.
- Sir, can I help you?
- Cold beer. Keg draft.
I'm buying that man
sitting over there a beer.
Turned out to be a drinking man?
Nothing personal,
but I already got a beer. Thanks.
- So, you think the Knicks are gonna win?
- Yeah.
No, Knicks ain't going to win nothing.
Willis is hurting. Knicks ain't winning.
Celtics, this year.
You follow pro basketball?
- Anything, right?
- Whatever's going.
Yeah, me too. Action.
Are you gonna give me the $30 or not?
I have to buy this man a drink.
Will you have a beer?
I will definitely have a beer.
Give my friend here a beer.
$1 says you don't know who Glenn Riggs is.
- What's your name?
- Vince. The name's Vince.
Glenn Riggs was the announcer
for Hop Harrigan.
- What do you want $30 for?
- I need it for that girl I got in the bathroom.
I'm only the relief bartender.
I don't go in the cash register.
- Where's Jack? What is this?
- Jack went to a funeral.
I've been working here for one year, right?
Just give me a piece of paper, a chit.
"$30, Renee." Okay?
If I give you $30 and I come up short,
it'll be your ass.
Baby, you were born short.
And it's always my ass.
Captain Midnight!
This guy giving you trouble?
He ain't the regular man.
- $30.
- I wouldn't sign anything.
Don't sign a thing. Don't sign anything.
What did you get her to sign?
- Here, Mother.
- Thanks, baby.
You won't be sorry.
Don't worry now, I can beat it.
$20 says you can't name the Seven Dwarfs.
- I know I can name three or four of them.
- Seven.
I got seven.
- Doc.
- That's one.
- Dopey.
- That's two.
- Snoopy.
- There is no Snoopy.
There ain't no Snoopy. I know there's Doc...
there's Dopey, there's Grumpy, there's...
- You don't have $20 here.
- Wait a second. I got $20 right here.
- I need a little help here. What about...
- Here comes seven like a Gatling gun.
- Seven Dwarfs, I'm ready.
- Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc.
- That's four.
- That's three.
- I'm with you.
- Wait a second. Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc.
Sleepy, Grumpy, Dopey.
- Dopey.
- We got Dumbo.
- There's no Dumbo.
- Dumbo wasn't in that cast?
- No Dumbo.
- Gotcha.
- Dumbo flew.
- Well, we both lose?
Remember when Dumbo flew?
They set that little house on fire.
I've seen an elephant walk,
but I never seen an elephant fly.
- My God.
- I know.
Dumbo flew.
A lot of black folks said
that was bad news...
seeing a black crow sing about
a big flying elephant. What's that?
It's taboo. No black crows.
Judgment day, you know, I know
Aristis, Arastis, Johnson Brown
What you gonna do
when the rent come round?
You in the park?
No, I haven't got a car. I just live... Not far.
I like to live close to the action,
you know, William?
Come on, I'll give you a lift.
You're going to give me a lift?
That's a good idea.
You know, I know
the rent means dough
Landlord gonna throw
us in the co-co snow
Aroostis, Arastis, Johnson Brown
What you gonna do
when the rent comes round?
What you gonna say? How you gonna pay?
William, you're a minstrel?
Man, I hate key stuff.
Look in his side pocket.
He's got my goddamn money somewhere.
Right here.
- You got it?
- Yeah.
I hope you loved that, Funny Man.
Okay, folks,
will you just relax and follow me, please?
What is this, a hospital or a jail?
What's going on?
This is William. This is Barbara.
She's getting us out of here.
Thanks a lot.
You ever been in jail in New York?
They give you powdered eggs.
Powdered, shitty...
The shittiest food in the world.
I can't believe you haven't been in jail.
What are you doing?
Just trying some of the hot one.
It really works. Here, you want to try some?
Come on, the heat makes it feel good.
Listen to me, I got experience.
Yeah, easy.
Just don't touch it with the can. Easy now.
- Not bad?
- That's nice.
That's okay. Last year, year and a half,
I must have hit...
about 30 different racetracks
in every little town and city I've been to.
- Yeah, how'd you do?
- Tapioca time. El Busto.
I'll give you a great ace in the hole.
If you find yourself busted in a small town...
Say, is there anything I should know
about this?
Listen, fellows, it's breakfast time.
We got Lucky Charms and...
- What's with this?
- Froot Loops.
- Froot Loops? Have some waffles...
- I'll take some coffee.
Blueberry pancakes.
You'd still be in jail if that guy
hadn't given me that $50.
But... chicken.
...a strange town
you head straight to the ice cream people...
and pick yourself up an ice cream cart.
They got lots of them.
They don't care who you are
or what you look like.
- Something to eat. It's roughage.
- Believe me, nothing.
Desperate people.
They give you a funny little white jacket
and you're on your way.
How much do you make in a thing like that?
You could pick up a snappy $25
in less than an hour.
- How do you do that?
- You keep it all.
You don't think I'm talking about
working this job legit?
- Your favorite: Lucky Charms.
- Can I have a beer, honey?
- You want a cold beer?
- No, thanks.
It goes good with your Froot Loops.
- Get some milk, honey.
- Got it.
That shaving cream's not going to stain
your white sweater. Don't worry.
Nobody's going to tell your mother.
Just put it down and it'll all wash out.
Let me taste it for you.
- What is this?
- That crap.
- Come on, we got company.
- I tried to make it look nice.
That looks better.
Here, baby.
One time, right, I had this job
selling ad space in a labor union magazine.
Just get on the telephone,
call people and say:
"Do you want to buy some space?"
- Help yourself. Ain't bad. Just last night's.
- I just need the spoon.
A little pt de foie garbage.
Then you get to keep
45% of what you pick up.
How come you don't get to keep all of it
if it's non-existent?
I'm not picking it up,
I'm just talking on the telephone.
- Yeah, right.
- What do you do?
- What do you do for a living?
- I'm with a magazine.
- You a writer?
- Yeah.
Do you remember the first bet
you ever made on a sport event?
- Do you?
- I bet a nickel...
in the 1945 World Series.
The Cubs and Tigers.
Don't laugh. I lost. Susan's home.
Five-cent bet and I lost.
- I didn't expect to lose.
- Susan, honey.
I didn't have the nickel, right?
So this guy Mikey asked my mother.
I've been trying to beat it ever since.
What is it?
- Did he hurt your feelings?
- No.
- You can scratch him off the book, honey.
- I don't want to scratch him off my book.
Here's the baby of the house now.
Sweetheart, would you like
some Froot Loops?
- Come on. Therapy.
- No therapy.
What's shaking, baby?
I just want to go to bed.
Take your coat off, sweetheart.
Come on, now, you're starting to get
that Halloween look on your face.
It was just... He was really different.
- Guy wasn't out of line with you, was he?
- No.
- We had such a good time.
- Yeah? Guy was fresh, was he?
You know what he did? He gave me $50.
- That was the deal, wasn't it?
- No, the deal was for $30.
He liked you a lot, too, sweetheart.
- How come you were picked up?
- Drunk and disorderly.
- Well, Charlie's not too good with cops.
- He certainly lets them know it.
This is the truth.
You're an animal lover, right?
The great blue whale, right?
You know about a great blue whale?
- That wrestling guy?
- No, it's a big fish.
There's only about two or three
left in the world.
And the truth,
the tongue of the great blue whale...
weighs more than
a full-grown African elephant.
- No, it's not true.
- You don't believe it?
You're just making it up
to make me feel better.
'Cause you don't like to see me cry.
You feel a little better?
- Yeah, I do.
- Good.
- Who's that guy out there?
- Billy? He's a poker friend.
- You want to meet him?
- No.
He'd spent his rent money on us.
Yeah, so we brought him home.
The girl's fine. She just fell in love again.
She'll be okay in the morning.
Listen, William, I'm going to crash.
You can use the sofa if you want.
Thank you.
- I got to crash, too.
- Okay.
- Good night, baby.
- Good night.
I got to get my car.
I can't get my car.
There's nobody up there.
I was just looking for the Guide.
Go back to sleep.
It's Happy, Bashful, Dopey, Doc, Grumpy...
Fuck them.
- Good afternoon, Mr. Denny.
- Hello, Barbara.
This information came in for you
from Chino this morning.
- Thank you, Barbara. The dauphin in yet?
- Since 9:00 a.m. He wanted to see you.
- What's the matter with your body?
- I had a little automobile trouble, Barbara.
- Is that him?
- It was, sir.
- Did you tell him I wanted to see him?
- I did, sir.
- What'd he say?
- He said, "Thank you."
- He did?
- He did.
Thank you.
You're most welcome.
- These are the colors on the antique article.
- Oh, right.
I didn't know what time you'd be in,
so I just picked out a few.
- I think they're your best bet.
- Thanks, Barbara.
- You okay?
- I'm fine.
- Good. How about some coffee?
- Love some.
Everybody's named Barbara.
- Hello?
- Barbara?
- Yes.
- This is Bill Denny.
Bill! Hi.
- Is the Ice Cream Man around?
- He sure is.
Charlie, it's Bill.
- William, what's shaking?
- Hey, Charlie.
I'm at the office. I'm reviewing things.
It sounds like a bore.
You want to track it with me?
Believe me, I'd like to...
only I cannot get out.
I'm really all jammed up here.
You let a man rub
some hot shaving cream on your ribs...
you can take a shot with him at the track.
Listen, I know you're right, but you know,
I cannot steal any more time from here.
We'll play it your way,
but if you should change your mind...
I'll be at the bar in the grandstand...
right above the finish line,
near the $100 window, all right?
Yeah, I know the spot.
Okay, listen. If I can, I can.
I hope you do.
Listen Charlie, thanks for
an interesting evening. Knock them dead.
Okay, I will.
Okay, so long.
It's different.
It's not my favorite, but it is different.
Who in their right mind
would put a graveyard...
- on the front of the California...
- Our boss.
I mean, that's not going
to sell any magazines.
Well, it's not doing so badly.
Excuse me. Could we change seats?
No way, lady. I'm sorry.
The last time I sat facing the rear,
I never won a race.
I get sick if I ride that way. It gets me dizzy.
Hey, miss, this lady here
is going to throw up if she sits in this chair.
- Would you mind changing with her?
- I never change seats. It's bad luck.
- She'll never change seats.
- Lady, I don't mind changing.
This lady here will change with you.
Thank you. Great.
This lady will change with that lady,
but she needs a window seat.
You change there, and I could...
- Everything okay? Wonderful.
- Great.
Super day for the track.
- Do me a favor?
- Do you want to change seats again?
Would you see what Egyptian Femme
looks like? She's in the fourth.
- Egyptian Femme?
- Femme.
Jerry Weintraub is their manager,
and he's got to have something.
Just stock, publicity stills, on, you know...
- What do you want, some 8x10s?
- Yeah.
Egyptian Femme. The horse has run
twice in two years, right?
Each time she stiffed out.
Now she steps up in class...
goes up against colts,
draws an inside post position in a sprint...
and ain't got no speed of her own
to get out there.
Is all that in there?
If you know how to read these things.
It says a lot more.
I thought I'd spare you all the gory stuff.
Egyptian Femme?
The lady's going to cap out
on Egyptian Femme?
Pretty funny. Forget that horse, lady.
I hate to see her get away.
She owes me money from last year.
Then you make a bet on her
and she'll owe you money from this year.
How far is it to Chino?
- An hour and a half.
- I'm going up there. They got it all wrong.
If you hear from the dauphin...
tell him, "Much luck."
Well, I'm holding my own.
Just don't bet the chalk.
No chalk betting here.
- Later, Ben.
- All right.
The weight factor, see?
It's the weight factor.
Excuse me.
- Hey, babe, what's happening?
- How's it going?
- How'd you do the first race?
- Not too good.
I like to stay away
from the daily doubles, too. Any info?
- Not as yet.
- lf you get any information, I'll be at the bar.
- Andrew, que pasa?
- Hey, Big Charlie, what's going on?
You got a winner today?
Not yet? Me neither.
Are you sure
Egyptian Femme is not going to win?
- You want a beer?
- I don't.
I think you ought to bet on Egyptian Femme.
You're right.
Yeah? Then why do you have
four underlined?
I don't know. I used to like Banks,
the jockey, but I changed my mind.
- You're putting me on.
- Who will you bet?
- Not Egyptian Femme, I'll tell you that much.
- I'm glad you're definite.
Who do you like in the fourth, pal?
William, you made it.
Glad to see you, William. How you feeling?
Not bad. I got a little pain here and here,
otherwise I couldn't be better.
- Give my friend a beer.
- Want to give my friend here a beer?
I asked first.
I'm telling you another half inch
to the left of center...
- That's no good here, Charlie.
- No, this is on me.
- It's on me. You just keep it all.
- Any time.
You keep it all.
Your money's no good here, pal.
Don't you appreciate a man
who gets you in the goodies?
He gave me a kick where I'm breathing
and I'm pretty lucky to be here.
Now, how did you manage it?
How'd you get away from work?
I wish I was as good at this
as I am at getting away from work.
The minstrel man strikes again.
I know.
After today you're gonna have enough
money to open up a string of parking lots.
- It looks that good?
- 20-to-1 in the morning line ain't tin.
- You really like it?
- Fucking gold, babe.
- Who's the horse?
- Nmero uno.
Egyptian Femme. Tough to figure, right?
He doesn't seem to like to run a lot.
- She, it's a lady.
- Right.
It's beautiful. Just right.
They've been shopping for a big price...
today we're going to nail them.
- Not much to recommend.
- The rest are a bunch of dogs, too, right?
Believe me, she'll pay.
$4 million and change.
If you think the inside post position is bad,
she's got a lot of speed, wire to wire.
You're really not worried, are you?
This horse owes me and owes my friend,
owes everybody around here.
- We're taking down today, my friend.
- I'd like to toast that, pal.
- Let's go see a man about a horse.
- A man about a horse.
Excuse me. Where is she?
Come on, Egyptian Femme! Come on.
Don't stop! Go!
Come on, Egyptian Femme! Stay up there!
- Come on, Valdez!
- Who's Valdez?
Valdez is the jockey! Come on, Valdez.
Come on, Valdez. Keep it up there.
Come on, Egyptian Femme!
He'll make a move now.
- Come on, Egyptian Femme! Stay up there!
- Come on, Valdez!
And he wins!
Take it down.
Come on, we win this race.
We won that race going away.
That was a race. Did you see that race?
- I mean, Valdez... That race was fantastic.
- We didn't see the tote board.
- Did you see the other horse?
- We win this race.
I've never done this. I've never come out...
- Will you trust me? We won.
- Let's see the photo, man.
Photo finish? We won going away.
- What were you watching?
- I was watching this race.
Just a little razzle-dazzle.
Can you be happy now?
- I've never done this before.
- The horse wins.
- We're a winner.
- The horse did not win!
Nobody says that. This is called
counting your chickens.
- Chickens and counting chickens?
- Before they're hatched.
You spend a whole life out here
and you have a 20-to-1 shot...
Come on, fellows. Will you get it up here?
I'm telling you, we win the race.
- What is it?
- Goddamn one horse.
Egyptian Femme! Egyptian Femme won!
Where've you been? That's what I said.
I can't believe this!
I had that horse!
You rotten creep!
Hey, you!
You said Egyptian Femme had no chance!
The horse won!
Whose money is that?
Had no chance?
- Lady, don't throw oranges.
- The horse had no chance?
The horse had no chance?
You knew it all along!
Are you crazy?
God damn it, lady,
you don't throw oranges on an escalator!
Come on, lady, get back! How's that, lady?
- That's my hat!
- Now, you stop throwing oranges. Stop it!
- Give me my goddamn hat!
- Stop it!
- You thief!
- You want your purse?
That horse owes me more money!
Here, you want your money?
Take your goddamn...
You asshole, you can't even throw!
Wonder where he's going to take us
for dinner tonight?
Who knows?
But wherever it is, it'll be delicious.
- I hope it's the Scala.
- That'd be great.
We can have all that Italian food we love.
We can have mozzarella marinara...
and eggplant parmigiana...
- Honey, there he is.
- Zabaglione for dessert.
Now sit down, act natural.
Say, what is this?
No, it's not.
- Hey, baby.
- We're going to make it.
Here you are, Mr. Tenor, and thank you.
- That was delightful.
- Birthday greetings!
Go on.
- Who's that wonderful guy out there?
- That man's a tenor.
- We want you to have the big evening...
- We can't have the big evening tonight.
- She and I got a date.
- What are you talking about?
- You're not working tonight?
- Yes, we are.
I saw you eating your breakfast.
Now I think I'm going to play the piano.
Which way is it?
Honey, sweetheart,
it's a very important party.
It's very, very important...
Okay, that's it. That's it now.
All right, stop it now.
All right. Stop the music. Stop.
We're expecting Mr. Kramer.
We loved all the gifts. We love everything.
- Are we out of here?
- Yeah.
...should've been there
when you came to the door.
But it's $150 apiece for the evening
for dinner.
- What?
- This evening at $150 each.
- Are we out of here?
- $150. All we have to do is go to dinner.
Maybe Mr. Kramer wants to give
Bill and me $75 apiece.
- Bill's awful pretty to show off.
- I don't know how to take that.
Not at all. We can tell him we're sick.
Now I get the feeling
I'm being mugged by my friend.
- No, this is not right.
- All right, Bill, out the door.
I'm waiting to say goodbye.
You ladies, now, I mean, we're gonna...
- It sure was nice.
- Go in there.
- Sit down and act natural.
- I think you're unfair.
Susan and Barbara must not be deprived
of our companionship tonight.
Certainly not.
- They were looking super.
- Should we look inside?
Mr. Kramer must be some funny dude.
- Hi.
- It's me. Do you remember me?
- Of course I remember you.
- Is there anyone else?
- No, there's just us.
- Are you sure?
- Positive.
- Okay.
- Sweetheart, you look terrific.
- Do you like it?
- You smell wonderful.
- Thank you. I'm so glad you like it.
- What are you wearing?
- Thank you.
What are you...
- It's Joy, isn't it?
- No, it's Shalimar.
- Shalimar.
- Do you like it?
- Oh, God.
- Mr. Chan!
- Shalimar is my favorite perfume.
- It's mine, too.
Do you like the dress?
I had it... Yes, I had it made in Omaha.
Yeah, but I just...
I just never had the balls to wear it,
you know, outside.
- Well, honey, it's sexy...
- I love the dress.
- Listen to me.
- Dignified.
- Elegant.
- It is. It's elegant.
Listen, tonight we're gonna go to Chasen's.
Chasen's tonight.
- And then I've got a great big surprise.
- What is it?
After Chasen's, what?
- I don't know if I should tell you.
- Tell us. A little hint.
- Tell, please.
- Go ahead.
- It has something to do with music.
- Music.
You know?
Listen, before we go, let's have a cocktail.
I made us some daiquiris.
- How about it?
- Thank you.
- I'll get yours.
- Thanks.
You're my best friends.
- Really?
- Thank you, Helen.
Yeah, now you want to give this to Helen.
Honey, don't drink it. Give it to Helen.
It's just taking forever. What is that?
I might have to take the top off.
Okay, give this one to Helen.
Shake it up a bit.
That's for Helen now. That's good.
- Thank you.
- Here.
- Hurry, Barbara, I want to make a toast.
- Okay. Great.
To Helen and her new look.
- Yes, you look great.
- Elegant.
- Yes, elegant.
- Thank you.
- Wonderful.
- Who's that?
- Wait a minute. Are you expecting anyone?
- No.
- Are you sure?
- I'm positive.
Don't worry, honey, I can take care of it.
Don't worry.
- She can take care of it.
- I hope so.
She can take care of it.
She takes care of everything.
She does, really. I'll take care of you.
- Okay, ladies, Vice. We're Vice.
- Vice?
Detective Waters
and this is Detective Denny.
Which one of you girls is Barbara Miller?
- Barbara, you didn't say...
- The young one must be Susan Peters.
You damn cops just can't come in here...
Be quiet, and don't call us damn cops.
- What's your name, honey?
- Brown.
- Brown, huh?
- Yes, sir.
- First name?
- Helen.
- Helen Gurley Brown?
- No, sir.
What's going... Hey, come on now.
- It's not a laughing matter, girls.
- Close the door, will you?
- The door.
- Close the door.
And check the premises
for any marijuana or pot or firearms.
- I'm gonna check.
- I do not like the feel of this.
- You can't search this house without...
- You just be quiet, lady.
We'll run you downtown.
You feel like being frisked?
- No.
- You can't frisk a sweet old woman...
Yeah, well.
- Shalimar?
- Yes, sir.
- Smells good.
- Thank you.
- You got a cold?
- Yes, sir.
Oh, yeah.
- Here's a sourball.
- No, thank you.
- It's good for your throat.
- I don't even want this drink.
- Take a sourball.
- Got one for me?
Yeah, I got one for you.
You're like a more responsible older woman
than these girls.
- Are you misleading these young girls?
- No, I'm not.
- She's just a friend.
- They're not friends.
They're not? Why are you here?
- I'm a friend of their aunt's.
- Don't talk like that. Shut up.
We'll take them downtown and book them.
- Run them right downtown.
- Let's take them in.
- Charlie, let me have a word with you.
- You stay right there. Be quiet.
They're not friends of mine.
I'm a friend of their aunt's.
- What do you think, pal?
- The one in the middle looks dangerous.
- Her mouth turns down...
- I know. I don't trust her.
I think we ought to take her down
and book her.
How about we book the two on the end
and let the one in the middle go?
- You're feeling sorry for her, huh?
- I think so.
I'll make an exception.
You're sure?
Helen, stand back and look at me
when I talk to you.
- You look like a very well-dressed woman.
- I am.
- Good background. Well-educated.
- That's right.
My partner and I are gonna believe
that you had nothing to do with...
- what's going on on the premises and that...
- I'm just a friend. Believe me.
But we do feel that you should vacate
the premises immediately.
- Bless you.
- Bye, Helen.
Take care of your cold, sweetheart.
Shut the door, Helen.
- You people ought to be arrested.
- Jesus Christ!
- I can't believe you did that.
- What was that?
I love your brown shawl.
- Now, let's get...
- You're not really a policeman, are you?
No. Do you think if I was a cop
I would arrest you?
People, now how does Mexican food
sound to you?
- Mexican food.
- That sounds delicious.
Do we have time to change our clothes?
Get out of your work clothes
and into something comfortable.
Don't take too much time or we'll take Helen.
Excuse me.
And here we go.
You're crazy. It's a bet.
The black guy over there. What's his name?
The black guy?
- Take him out with a good punch.
- Come on, baby.
Boy, do we got Morgan.
Place your bet.
What do you want to bet?
$40 and $60.
I bet you even your man don't stop my man.
- You got it.
- Even money.
Come on, sit down, lady, sit down.
Come on, Roy.
We got the first round now. You got
the money they're floating you, right?
$15 on Collins.
Yeah. Okay. Collins is a wonderful guy.
Got good marks in school.
I know him.
He just don't fight too good, though.
He ought to be playing baseball
or something.
Want another $15 on this?
No, I got one bet left.
I'm gonna bet for your hat, man.
I wanna win your hat.
My man's gonna win this fight, yeah.
- You want my hat? My Bell Helmet hat?
- Yeah, right.
- Give it to him.
- Here, you got it.
- $10. Right.
- For your shirt.
- Get in there!
- Keep working!
Get in there!
I think that we won all three rounds.
Here you go.
Thanks a lot. I'll take the hat now.
You've seen Sugar Ray knock out Foreman.
Come on, people.
Thank you very much.
Come on, let's get out of here now.
Okay, you lay me 10-to-5.
I got suit and you got the lumberjack.
You gotta be nuts.
Why, lumberjack has got to be
2-to-1 over a suit, anytime.
- Okay. They both can't fight.
- Come on.
- $1,580.
- We're all winning.
Winning all over the place now.
The moon is shining high
Definitely, we'll have to take care of
you girls to make up for that silly old man.
But we're gonna make up
for Mr. Helen Gurley.
- What's the agenda?
- Right now we're off to the Latin Quarter.
Now, Latin Quarter. We'll go dancing.
We'll go anywhere you say now.
I mean, you and me
are knocking them dead with this $1,580.
Stick 'em up.
I'm sorry I hit your...
- Put her in the car, man.
- Stick 'em up, man.
I don't believe it. It's hard to believe.
Wait a second.
Put the money on the table.
I can hardly believe this right now.
I'll blow your fucking face off.
- Don't you believe it?
- Will you do what he tells you?
- I don't believe this. Relax.
- I'll blow your fucking head off.
Wait. You're not blowing nothing off.
I don't believe it.
We're getting robbed two nights in a row.
- Put the money on the table.
- Do what he tells you. Please, Charlie.
Wait a second now.
Okay, here's $780, man. That's it.
You got half and we're taking half.
Take the money and run.
Go ahead, $780, man.
Don't think about it. Take the money and go.
Get out of here, you fucking bum!
Get out of here, man!
Cut our winnings in half.
- I call.
- I call.
- Take your hand off my knee, will you?
- I dropped a card.
- You're not allowed to do that.
- Your hand is dead.
- I can't help it, I dropped it.
- Then your hand is dead.
Hand's dead.
- Come on, let's go.
- What do you want?
She was aces full.
And what did you have, four what?
Hey, let her play her own cards.
Come on, girls.
This ain't Santa Anita. You're playing poker.
You girls are sure getting good cards, huh?
You girls friends from way back? You two?
- No, we don't even know each other.
- I've never seen her before.
I don't care how old you are.
Right in the choppers, lady.
- Come on, be nice, will you?
- The lowest you can get.
- I fold.
- I will raise you.
I call.
I don't want you to see it.
- All right, let's ante up.
- All right.
- All right, everybody in.
- That's right.
Why don't you go home...
You're burying me here.
Get a Chinaman in this game.
- We're falling apart.
- I fold.
Man, I don't even understand
what you were trying to tell me.
You figure you're entitled to a free shot...
- I never said I was entitled to a free...
- Then what are we talking about?
When have I never paid you
your money, Spark?
- Laying the thug routine on you?
- It's not the question of paying.
You do not pay me on time
and time is the thing.
- You know, week to week I pay you...
- I understand that, Spark.
Why do you think you can do that stuff?
You've owed me for nine months.
All right, I did. Let's make a deal.
Tell him you're sending him
some Green Stamps.
How many times have I told you
I do not wish to be interrupted...
when I'm in conference with Mr. Waters?
- Listen. You told me four times.
- Get out of here, will you?
- He wants to see you now.
- Tell him he's talking to a thug.
Tell him he'll get his legs broke.
I'll tell him his legs are broken,
that's why he can't see him.
Here is the deal: Ten days.
You don't cut me off for 10 days...
and you got your money in your hands.
That's it. That's my word.
Okay, let me tell you my situation. All right?
- You wanna hear that? You care?
- Okay, Spark.
I am getting buried at this point.
I mean, it's been a very bad day.
I understand that, Spark.
I cannot carry you for more than 10 days.
Ten days, that's it.
- I mean, if it's 11 days...
- No 11 days.
- It cannot be.
- Right. No stories, nothing. Ten days.
- What if you lose more money?
- Even if I should lose more money.
- You're gonna be able to handle that?
- Right.
Tell him to get Preparation H. Do him good.
Will you give me a break?
- You're going to get it? No stories?
- I've got it.
I just didn't wanna tap the source...
I didn't want to do it that way,
but I'm gonna.
- What do you want?
- What are the Lakers?
Five and a half.
Okay, Spark, I'll call you back.
Five and a half will make you laugh.
Bet your house on this game...
lay the five and a half, you get out tonight.
- I don't know, Charlie.
- I know.
If I had an estate in the country
I would lay it and tap out on the Lakers.
They're covering tonight.
- This game scares me, Charlie.
- No, don't be frightened.
Now Mr. West, Mr. Goodrich,
Mr. Cook's Forum, tonight...
they blow the Suns out.
Where do you get your confidence?
The Lakers have been playing crappy...
and the Suns are hot.
- Come on, so the Lakers lose two in a row.
- Four in a row.
Right. And, believe me, it doesn't matter.
- Phoenix wins two or three in a row.
- Five.
Five in a row? Playing pretty good.
- That's what I'm trying to tell you.
- Don't matter.
This is the double reverse.
You lay the five and a half...
and you bet your house on it.
You've been saying this for weeks.
I'm lucky I don't own much property.
Barbara, I really like
these red Christmas bulbs.
You think next year we should do
the whole Christmas tree in them?
Don't you think that's a bit on the nose?
- Hi. How are you?
- How you been?
- I was just driving by, thought I'd say hello.
- Good.
- What are you all doing?
- I'm cleaning out the car.
I'm putting up the Christmas tree lights.
- Charlie up yet?
- No.
- Yeah. Up and gone.
- Yeah? Where'd he go?
I don't know.
He got up so early I couldn't believe it.
- Listen, come on in for some coffee.
- No, I can't. Thanks.
Just one cup of coffee.
I'll take a rain check.
- All right. Bye, Bill.
- Nice seeing you.
- How are you?
- Bill Denny.
What are you doing here?
I checked at the other store
and they said you might be over here.
Wait a minute. Don't tell me why you came.
I'm getting a flash.
You see, I have a good amount of ESP.
I'm blessed with it.
My wife kids me about it, but she respects it
when I get these flashes.
Let me see how close I can get
to what's going on here.
I get that you're probably back
with your old lady...
and you want to paint your garage door,
perhaps even the whole front of your house.
Yes, I'm getting the color.
It's a greenish color. Right?
How close did I get?
I need a loan, Harvey.
- A loan?
- Yeah.
- How are you?
- Terrific.
- What's your name?
- Larry.
Larry, I know you're going in here
to win a bundle.
Why don't you come and see me
when you come out?
- He would like to see Nugie, please.
- Okay, come on in.
Just go on in through the kitchen.
They're in the other room.
- Nugie, there's a guy here.
- Yeah.
- Howdy.
- Howdy, Nugie.
- Trouble finding this place?
- No, it's fine.
There's some crap in the kitchen
if you want...
- No. I'm fine.
- Grab a chair.
- Three, six, nine.
- What've you got?
Jack, five, seven.
I don't know who you know here.
This is Bill.
Four, five, six.
What're you doing?
You're gonna play chess. I call.
Six card low ball.
Forced to bet the first high card.
$3 the third and fourth card. $6...
Let's keep the game moving.
Three. Bet him, Nugie.
True love never runs smooth.
- I bet $3.
- Force the bet to $30.
I raise it $3.
First high card. $3 the third and fourth card.
Fifth card six. $12.
- No check and raise.
- Check and raise.
- Three dollars to you, he raised you.
- What's the buy-in?
$200 buy-in. Help the man.
I don't know. How about this?
- Very nice.
- Feel free, man.
Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, anytime.
They get me, man. Don't worry.
Next week you'll beat their brains in.
There you go.
Would you like to see a menu?
- Hi, Sparkie.
- How are you, honey?
Right over here.
- Hiya, baby.
- What happened to your leg?
Dumbness. Don't play ball after 15 years,
I can tell you that.
I didn't know you played ball.
- Actually, I did, you know. With the Pirates.
- You're kidding.
No, nothing important.
No, I don't want the menu.
- Give me the real hot chili. All right?
- Sure.
- Sangria?
- All right.
- You want some chili?
- No, I'm fine.
They got great zucchini in here.
You want that?
- Class-A boy?
- No.
I had a shot for...
Well, it wasn't a shot, it was just...
What do you make my figure to be?
As your carry-over I got you down
for $2,200. It's a tough week, baby.
No, that's okay. I'll tell you...
this guy, Lloyd Harris,
who's the honcho where I work...
he had a very good Christmas season.
What he's created is a slush fund...
You're not telling me a story now, are you?
- I don't know what you mean.
- Come on...
I mean, I carried you one year. Am I right?
- Was there any pressure put on you?
- No, you were very nice.
Forget nice. I don't give a fuck about nice.
You know that that year...
Please just forget about this.
Now the point is, this is totally different.
- It's strictly on a cash basis. I told you that.
- Right.
Did I tell you that I got hurt in two busts,
that my parents were here...
that I'm getting killed
all over the fucking place?
I mean, I told you this up front.
Did I not tell you that?
I'm asking you a question.
Did I not tell you that?
Okay, I beat you.
Ten days later you come to me...
and you don't have any money.
You're out of line already...
but I extend that.
I mean, I extended it to you.
You said you'd have the cash.
You got things going.
I don't know what you're saying.
But you're gonna have the money,
you have a way to get it.
I mean, did you not say that?
What you're trying to tell me is,
come payoff day...
you don't have dollar one,
plus you owe me more.
Man, I've heard it before.
You don't have dollar one, do you?
You think I'm some stupid schmuck
you're dealing with.
I got to tell you something, pal.
In my line of thinking,
you took a total, out and out shot at me...
- Look, Spark, that's not it at all.
- What is it then?
Listen to me.
I got $700 for you tomorrow.
Why didn't you say that in the beginning?
Why didn't you say it?
Because you didn't give me a chance.
- What about the other $1,500?
- One week.
I'll tell you, boy...
What's wrong, Sparkie?
Don't you want your chili?
- What's wrong?
- Nothing's wrong.
- What?
- Want some chili?
Sport, you wanna fill this up?
Give Sergio something?
You gonna fill this up or not? Thanks.
- Righto.
- You know Jenny Carr?
She's shacking up with my old man.
He gave me this watch for Christmas.
I don't ever take it off. Ain't it pretty?
You can even wear it in the tub with you.
What are you having? Cognac?
I don't believe these guys
fucking around the way they do.
Jesus, I'd never do anything like that.
Nobody's even going today.
- You, where'd you get that tee-shirt?
- Playing softball.
- What position do you play?
- Any position.
Yeah? I like shortstop myself.
I got this neat dog.
It's all fluffy and darling. Did you hear me?
I hear you. You got a dog.
What the fuck am I doing
in this dump anyway?
You should've seen the place where I was
last night. It was really classy.
- Any chance you could go back there?
- No, classy places don't open this early.
The only trouble with my dog is,
he shits on the floor...
and I don't know what to do about it.
What do you do about it? You know?
- You try cleaning it up?
- Yeah, I tried that. It didn't do any good.
He just sits there and looks at me.
Just some dumb fuck
like all the men around here.
Bunch of faggots.
I bet they can't even get it up.
Shit. What am I doing here?
Fuck you, faggot!
You want some more nuts?
Is that you, Barbara?
- It's Bill.
- Come in.
- Come in?
- Yeah, the door's unlocked. Come in.
- Is Barbara not here?
- She's out on a date.
- What are you doing?
- Reading my book.
I don't like to stay in my room at night
when no one's here.
We're going to Hawaii tomorrow
for two weeks.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, we're really excited about it, too.
I'll bet.
Charlie never did come back.
Do you know what happened to him?
Do you want to come in and sit down?
Yeah, okay.
You're married, aren't you?
What difference does it make?
It doesn't make any difference.
- We're separated.
- Yeah?
Who are you going to Hawaii with?
Just a couple of guys.
These friends of Barbara's.
- I don't even know them.
- You don't even know them?
Suppose you don't like them?
Those are the chances you have to take.
You wanna make love to me? Right now?
- It has crossed my mind.
- It has?
This sounds silly,
but I don't have any money.
That's okay.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. I mean, I really like you.
I mean...
- it's different.
- It's different?
Why is it different?
I mean, I really like you.
I really like you a lot.
You brought me that dog.
Took me to the fights.
It was like a real date.
I think I'm gonna kiss you.
- Isn't this Barbara's room?
- She doesn't care.
- Having trouble?
- Not anymore.
- It's okay, I'll do it.
- I got it.
- What's the matter?
- Nothing.
You're taking so long.
You didn't unzip it all the way.
You can't take my foot off with the boot.
No. You gotta unzip it first.
You're kind of clumsy.
I can get it. Do you want me to do it?
- I can do it.
- I'll do it.
- It's all right.
- I'll do it.
- What you doing?
- We're going to use your bed, okay?
Great. I just have to find my TV Guide.
I think it's under the bed.
I think it's under here.
Shit, I can't tell you
what a crappy evening I had.
Son of a bitch almost threw up all over me.
Damn guy.
Well, he already paid me, so I guess it's...
- How was your evening?
- Great. I'm having a good time.
Good. One of us is lucking out.
There it is. Got it.
Here, I got it.
Got it.
- Where did he go?
- He's gone.
Darling, come on.
Come on, sweetheart. That's a girl.
That's a girl. There.
- He didn't really like me.
- Of course he did.
No, he didn't.
Not really.
Honey, think about tomorrow.
I met the guy you're going with tonight.
What's he look like?
He's dark, he has a five o' clock shadow.
- Is he young?
- Yes.
- And good-looking?
- Yes, he is.
- Do you really think I'm going to like him?
- I think you'll love him.
... over here at high post,
to Meyers, open at 15, hits.
... over here at high post,
to Meyers, open at 15, hits.
David Meyers, 92-65. Clay up the middle...
... Shumate getting it out
of backcourt himself...
dribbles all the way,
blocked by Drollinger...
- Who is it?
- Does a William Denny live here?
Who is it?
- You William Denny?
- Who wants to know?
Well, open the door, we'll talk.
- Who are you?
- Friend of Spark.
Listen, I checked with Spark,
and we're straight. So what's the problem?
I'm straight with Spark. Why don't you
check with Spark and then check back?
Where the hell have you been?
Three guesses.
I'll give you this much, my hat is a clue.
Son of a bitch!
Why didn't you tell me you were going?
It was a spur of the minute thing, William.
I had this incredible dream, right?
I'm in Tijuana, at the dog track.
And I sweep the card.
Every dog I bet on, William...
wins like a champ.
What do you know about dogs?
But whatever I'm feeling, William,
winner. Fantastic. Taking down the cash.
Why didn't you tell me?
Maybe I would've liked to go with you!
You don't know what it's been like.
You want to get to Tijuana, right?
El Sweepo. I don't win one fucking race.
Maybe if I'd been there you would have.
You weren't in the dream, William.
My parrot was in the dream.
It was a hell of a handicap.
He said, "Bet number four.
Polly want a four."
He doesn't eat nothing,
doesn't dirty nothing.
It's going to be all right.
I just need the typewriter.
What have I got?
Packing it all up
and moving to Europe to paint?
Yeah. I'm going to Reno.
I think they've changed the rule,
you can't bet your typewriter.
Cash, you know.
Well, a guy told me they got
40-80 low-ball stud game...
and a man can win a lot of money.
Sounds interesting. But why Reno?
Vegas figures to have
the same kind of game and it's closer.
Fine. You go to Vegas, I'll go to Reno.
Reno. Sounds like you might have
a nice shot in a game like that...
- if you have enough money behind you.
- I'm going to win.
- I don't know, William.
- I do.
Reno, that game. Sounds like a tough game,
tough action, William...
with a lot of these lumberjacks
going up there. Cowboys, rich guys.
- Tough action, William. It's a tough game.
- Nobody's asking you to play, pal.
What's with you?
I don't like you coming in here
with all your pessimistic shit.
- I don't know what's bugging you...
- I know how I feel. Let's see...
Yeah, how do you feel?
- Pal, I'm going to win!
- Yeah? So win!
Who the fuck is stopping you?
Go ahead and win.
- Stop interfering. I don't interfere with you.
- Who's interfering with you?
I ain't interfering with you.
Look, I know how I feel.
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Is that clear? Because I know how I feel.
Baby, I'm gonna win.
I believe you.
William, did I ever show you
my one-armed piccolo player?
The man is a classic.
The man is world-renowned.
William, you got to check this out.
William, for me.
You got to check this out, William.
The man is known all over the world.
Now listen. Just watch me.
When I reach my crescendo, for me,
you got to give me a little hand.
A little applause, William. Okay? Right?
Ladies and gentlemen, your beloved,
world-renowned, one-armed piccolo player.
The hand, now. A little applause. Come on.
Thank you very much.
- You need a partner?
- What?
- A partner?
- Yeah. I think so.
- You going to take it away now?
- I'm going to stab myself, William.
Get on him.
Good shot.
Fourteen all.
Come on, they're killing us.
- Too quick for the old people.
- I got him.
- Fourteen all.
- He doesn't know what he's doing.
- Way off.
- Free throws.
Free throws. Get it up.
Yours, yours.
- You got a lot of merchandise.
- Yeah, and I want a lot of money.
Here you go.
Are you selling it or making a loan?
- Which is going to give me more money?
- lf you sell it.
I'm selling it.
Move faster.
Here we go.
- That's game.
- Nice shot.
You jerk.
- Way to work on the old man.
- Come on, careful, old man.
The man beat you by 20 points.
I'll tell you what. Do I need a handicap?
I'll play one on one
for whatever you got in your pockets.
- For real money?
- Real money, right.
- For real dollars.
- For real dollars?
I don't see no Walt Frazier
or Jerry West here.
You're going to lose your money.
That's what I'm here to do is to lose.
You choose. Get your money together.
Don't go anywhere, man. Stay right there.
- I'm standing right under the hoop.
- Fine.
You got some money?
- I got $10.
- I got it.
What have you got?
- You got the money?
- I got it.
You know, this is stupid.
I can't believe this sucker.
I got $10.
- What've you got?
- Got $30.
- I got $10.
- That's $40.
- I've got $5.
- $49.
- That's $49.
- Look at him pulling up his socks.
You got some money, old man?
- What you guys get together?
- We got $49.
- You been returning your deposits?
- That's right.
$49? You got $1? I got $50 here.
Okay, here's the game.
You're holding, right?
- Who am I playing?
- You got me, buddy.
- I got the shooter?
- Yeah.
Okay. Hit or miss for the ball.
- I got the ball. What is it, 11 hoops?
- That's all right.
Eleven hoops?
- Don't worry about it.
- Come on.
Come on, Russ.
- Now beat him.
- Good.
What's that? Five?
Come on, man.
What do you think you are doing?
The Blue Book gives $2,400.
- But I can't give you $2,400.
- What do you mean?
With this gas shortage, more people
are buying little motorcycles...
and bicycles than they are cars.
I'm afraid I just can't find a buyer.
The result is official.
No, man, I got to sell it today.
I tell you, I just can't do it today.
I'll give you $2,200.
- $2,200? That's the best you can do?
- Final offer.
- Let's go.
- Follow me.
My man! What's happening?
Any big winners?
You like anything in the sixth?
I'm getting buried here. How you doing?
Yeah, okay. You just save your winnings.
I'll see you later.
Let me see your driver's license, kid.
Sports Tie, next time put some booze in it.
Trainer Ralph Cripes,
please report to the jockey's room.
You know that guy with the mustache?
The big guy who was just standing here?
- The guy talking about watery drinks?
- Yeah, you know him?
- He's a creep.
- Yeah? Get me a beer, will you?
Ladies and gentlemen,
in the ninth race, a jockey change.
Number Three, Fearless Fred,
will be ridden by jockey Rick Carey.
Light Touch, where's my drink?
I left a drink here. Where is it?
All right, forget it.
Give me straight Scotch. Straight.
You can't fool around with that.
Take them home again, mama.
Thank you, sir.
That'll be $1, sir.
And you got it. There's $1 for you, my man.
Thank you.
- A friend of yours?
- My cousin.
Watch where you're going,
you little bastard.
Stupid little bum.
Handsome, I must talk to you.
Oh, my God!
What a punch.
Stupid clown.
It's the greatest punch
I've ever been hit with.
You busted it clean, right?
Oh, beautiful, man.
You blow my mind. Kick me in the nuts...
you break my nose, rob my money.
You gotta be kidding.
Get out of my way or I'm gonna kill you.
Where're you going?
I mean, I wouldn't lie to you, that is...
Get the hell out of here!
It wasn't as good as yours,
but I'll live with it.
Enough, man. That's enough.
No. You're a man
who knows that ain't enough.
Do you wanna level your own goods?
Nose, ribs, cash.
I ain't such a funny man.
Looks like I hit me a round robin.
You creep...
you stick a little toilet paper in your nose,
it stops the bleeding.
You better call an ambulance.
The man lost the last race.
He tried to kill himself. Lunatic.
You have $1,800. Okay, here's $1,100,
you put in $1,100 and then we're partners.
We're definitely partners.
I mean, we're total partners.
I'm putting in $1,800, you're putting in 1,100
'cause I'm not going to lose.
I'm gonna win. That's the last time
you've heard the word "lose."
Exactly. The door opened the other way
and hit me right on the nose.
It's an omen.
The snow is an omen
and the toilet door is an omen.
Hello, Reno. Sun's coming out.
This rain could have been snow, William.
Very good vibes.
- Good sign.
- Yeah. Feels good.
Red carpets on the street, right?
Men in orange suits.
Where else but in the USA, right?
But we got to stop off here
and play a little slot machines.
Just a little bit, right?
No, you want to get straight to the game?
Boy, you're walking fast, man.
Good. Keeping going.
Gotta give you a little smile
every now and then.
- I won't break your concentration.
- Concentration?
This must be the place, William.
You ask the guy over here.
- Which way to the poker room?
- To your left.
Charlie, please come here a minute.
Stop wasting time.
Look, I'm not superstitious...
but touch Dumbo's trunk
before we start to play.
For me, right? Ever seen an elephant fly?
A little rub.
Okay. Oh, yes.
We're all together.
Keno. We got to touch a little keno, too.
Who knows,
we might get the $25,000 jackpot.
- This is it?
- I think this must be the place.
I don't know
if these are past winners or losers.
- Deuce and pair.
- Ten?
William, I think it's heaven.
Hi, fellows. What can I do you for?
I'll have some J&B Scotch straight,
with some soda water on the side.
William, have a drink. It'll loosen you up.
No, I'll have some coffee.
- The coffee's right over there, honey.
- William, you are a straight dude.
Coffee. Just keep it together.
Don't get in the way of the concentration.
Ace, you're the boss.
It's a sweet game, it is. $2,000 buy-in, right?
You fellows here to drink or play?
My partner here is the player
and I guess I'm the drinker.
Next up.
You're low.
Let's run them down.
Let's start with the bald guy
with the moustache.
- The tightest player there.
- Absolutely right.
Percentage player,
doesn't take many chances, right?
No flair. The guy I say is part
of a two- or three-man combination.
No sweat, but if you find him after
the fourth card, you're not in the hand...
unless you've got the nuts. Right.
Cowboy. Lyndon Johnson
is definitely his hero.
I figure he owns a piece of the town.
Haberdashery, looks like
he sells cowboy hats.
He's got the rhythm of the game.
It's his rhythm, but with your
natural ability and your strength...
you don't have to let him have much.
Keep talking.
The kid? He's seen
The Cincinnati Kid too many times.
He's been trying to beat this game
from before he was born, right?
I got him. On to Specs.
He's a doctor and he's been here
playing this game forever, right?
- He'd rather lose a patient than a hand.
- Very good.
Not much of a problem,
he don't want to get involved too much.
Red Coat.
Red Coat. My call is small-time, right?
That's your chair, right? One-time buy-in
and he used to be a cha-cha dancer.
I don't know, but that guy's falling out
and that's where you're gonna sit.
Empty chair.
Who could tell? Bit of luck.
Very tall stack of chips.
A little impressive, but unless
it's Claude Rains in The Invisible Man...
and you see
your chips floating up away from you...
you know the game is too tough for us
and we go on till we hit something else.
How about Bright Eyes?
Man sitting there?
Deep drawl, Mississippi, best in the game.
I figure he learned
to play in the Ku Klux Klan...
with a big sheet over his head. Tough man.
What's the Chinaman's story?
The Chinaman. What can I say?
Looks like he's a royal prince.
His father probably made a fortune
selling frozen egg rolls, right?
When he starts talking,
when he starts yapping...
you know he's cracking.
I got to have a drink.
Give me a double Scotch, will you?
I'm beginning to feel the pressure.
- You did very well.
- You want cognac in your coffee?
Keep passing. Okay, he goes once more.
- I'm all in.
- He's all in for $70.
There goes the chair. It's the one we picked.
Goodbye, Mr. Cha-cha.
I got a straight flush going to the deuce.
- Eight and seven.
- Six high.
- Doc is the winner. You win it all, Doc.
- Too tough for me, gentlemen.
Sorry to see you go.
So long. Seat open.
You're on, baby.
And a new player.
$2,000 buy-in.
Purples are $100, reds are $20
and the yellows are $5.
He's supposed to be playing, right?
- He's a dynamite poker player.
- Is he?
He needs to be dynamite in that company.
- I'm Bob Hood.
- How are you? Bill Denny.
Good to see you, Bill.
Any major moves in the game?
Any big winners or losers?
Nothing much yet.
They only just got started yesterday.
Slim. What can I do for you?
- When do you get a break?
- Couple of hours.
- You got time, do something for me.
- Sure. Anything for you, Slim.
In the second race at Santa Anita,
there's a horse running...
and I need to make a little bet on it.
- What's the horse's name, Slim?
- Ole Blue out of chute Number Two.
- Ole Blue?
- Ole Blue out of chute Number Two.
No. Second horse
in the second race at Santa Anita.
- That's reliable information?
- Yes, sir.
- The second at Santa Anita?
- Yes, sir.
Great, thanks.
I'll put a little taste on that myself.
- You don't wanna risk it in that poker game?
- I'm playing right now.
- You're playing right now?
- That's me...
that good-looking fellow in the brown coat.
Good luck to you. I won't play hard at you.
- Let me know about the horse.
- Will do, Slim.
Is that guy for real?
Somebody told me a funny story about him.
That guy usually have
that much money on him?
Yeah, he's got a roll.
- That's the most money I ever saw.
- Mellow roll.
I hope William takes it away from him.
Oh, look down look down
That lonesome road
Before you travel on
Yeah, look up look up
And seek your maker
Before Gabriel blows his horn
I got a good one. You're gonna like this.
Oh, look down look down
Look down, your fly is open
No, that's not right.
Well, whatever. You didn't like that?
I'm out. Excuse me.
And suddenly I banged into this...
- You got a glass of ice water?
- Too hot for you in there?
William, you make a little... Up a bit.
I can't settle down with you here.
- What are you saying?
- You got to go.
No. I mean, I got to sit here.
I'm not in the action. I got to watch.
Let me watch. Right? I gotta watch.
You're not telling me that I'm getting
in the way of your concentration, are you?
You telling me I'm interfering
with your game, right?
Oh, God. Okay, then you got to lay
$200 on me.
Give me $100, $50. Give me $25
so I can play, get into some...
Do you want in?
Yeah. I want in.
Okay, he comes back.
We're not going to fight.
Put your coat back on.
- Now you mean business.
- I feel like playing awhile.
- Let's accelerate it a little.
- Come on, what are we here for?
- How do you do?
- Fine. How are you?
I'm very well. I'd like...
I'd like $1,000 worth of credit.
I have no account, what do I have to do?
You gotta loan on the house?
Well, I don't... What do you have to do?
I'll tell you. Then you just
give me a roll of nickels...
and I'll just kibbitz for awhile
'cause I ain't getting no credit here.
Doctor just calls. Forty to you.
Are you raising?
I got a cherry. I got two cherries.
Excuse me.
I got two cherries and nothing happened.
Pit boss?
Let me have a pit boss. Is there a pit boss?
You know, I wouldn't do that.
- I'm here to win, Doctor.
- Okay. No hard feelings.
No hard feelings at all.
A pleasure to do business with you.
Pleasure doing business
with people who like to do business.
Not many do.
You don't think there'll be five?
I'll say that there will be five, okay, Steve?
- Coca-Cola, please.
- Yes, sir.
I feel like a winner,
but I know I look like a loser.
We busted? We got anything left?
What's up in that game?
- We're up $11,000.
- $11,000.
We are up $11,000.
Well, let us pack this place in.
Let's go back to LA now.
You're my hero. My new hero.
$11,000. We're rich. $5,500 each.
Let's go. Know how long
we can live at the track for that?
- I can beat the game for 15...
- Famous last words. 15, 20.
You're here now, right? You won $11,000.
We could be at the track for 50 years
with that kind of money, right?
Charlie, I got the heat.
You gotta give me $200
so I can play some roulette...
or do something while you're in there.
Don't look at me like that.
You're not going... $50?
The man's having a good time.
I'm sitting here going... Wait a second now.
Okay, knock 'em dead, William.
What are you doing?
- Sixty cents for the Coke.
- Wait a second.
He hardly even drank the Coke.
That's my keno money.
One time I made 14 parlays and let it ride.
And every time I'd do it in the bootleg days,
I'd take a drink.
And I finally ended up with an old dealer
around here who said:
"Doctor, you don't know what you had.
You had that house, had the whole point...
"from old Felix Terwiller
and you just don't know what you had."
- And it ended up by me owing him $2,600.
- Ante up, gentlemen.
And that was back in 1926,
and that was a lot of dough...
- and it took me six months to pay it off.
- Doc, ante, please.
You can win that much in this game
if you hold the best hand.
We've been playing fine.
This game's getting good.
You just keep on playing,
everything's going to be okay.
You talk with your cards and start breaking.
She owes me a blackjack.
I won $7,000 more.
I lost the rhythm of the game.
- I'm going to play some blackjack.
- $7,000 more?
- $18,000.
- Lucky man.
- I'm a rich man.
- I should say you are.
You're being kibbitzed
by a very wealthy man.
- Good luck.
- I'm going to tell you, Chester...
- you just hang on to your cards.
- $18,000. Boy!
- Money, please.
- $18,000.
William, you're... What a streak.
You put me in the game, okay?
Put me in, I'll go play poker...
- and you can knock this table...
- What'll you play with?
You're going to give me some of my money.
William, I got no nails.
I'm going to throw... A 10!
How could you do a 10 like that?
Never bust nothing.
I guess you think I did that?
I come over here and sit
and you're gonna lose.
I'm having a nervous breakdown.
The money can't do me nothing...
'cause I ain't got none.
Just keep on winning, okay?
Jimmy, can I get a little credit here?
- What do I gotta do to have credit?
- Go to the cashier.
He said I couldn't do it anymore.
What's happening?
Why did you disappear from the blackjack?
Is that all that's left of our money?
All that cash?
- How're you doing?
- Very good.
What's very good? How much did you win?
- What do you have...
- I did very good.
Very good could be something or nothing.
- What is happening?
- It bounced out of 22!
What the hell is that?
What do you want to know?
Ask me what you want to know.
You're over here, ask me!
What do you want to know?
- Bounced out of 22.
- That's right.
Will you get out of here?
You're gonna kill the streak!
Nobody's drinking this. I'll bet a Milky Way.
Sorry, sir. The limit's $1.
You just finish this hand and then you see.
You want to bet a Milky Way.
You're liable to get hungry.
Twenty-nine is not mine!
How much money is in there if he wins?
I'll take $1 million on the field
and I'm coming.
How much are those chips worth?
- Do you mind?
- How's my field coming...
with my lucky Milky Way on the field?
Give me a field on the hard way.
$100 a number.
Where's my lucky...
We gotta shoot craps.
William, I'm not going to get
in your way no more.
- You come with me.
- No.
- No, I'm shooting, you're betting.
- I'll bet $100 on 11.
Okay, that stuff will just wash the dice off.
Number 11.
- Twelve, your line away.
- Look, maybe I ought to go.
No, you stay right here.
Charlie, now you stay right here.
And we start now.
Okay, we start now.
Okay, table, we're starting now.
I got it, Charlie.
Let me see it.
Nine the winner.
He's got us out there, William.
I never saw so many
bumble-bee chips in my life.
$100 chips.
They give us real money for this?
Easy eight, okay.
Eight! It is eight!
Okay, that's number two.
Come on. Let's have the dice.
Come on, we're all with you, everyone.
Don't worry now.
Give me a pair of fours.
A pair of fours and I'll shit in my drawers.
Put your money on double four, lady.
This man's going all the way.
$500 chips!
I never saw $500 chips.
Three 11s in a row.
I wanna bet a million dollars. 14-to-1.
- You making that kind of money?
- You bet I am.
Don't distract the man.
Just stay right on the table, William.
Eleven. Four 11s in a row.
The man throws four 11s in a row.
Where's my $14 million? I meant what I said.
$1 million on the line for an 11.
Nine! The man throws nines, eights, sixes.
Wake up the world, William.
Roll these numbers till it comes down.
Aren't you going to change
the pit guys now?
You guys aren't getting tired, are you?
Hard six.
You get a hard six,
they'll put your picture up here.
- Try it.
- Hard six.
Hard eight. Come on.
Hard six.
Have you ever seen a greater roll than this?
I think you're not gonna believe
what I've seen.
This the biggest one you ever see?
- Almost.
- Almost? We gotta make it the biggest one.
Excuse me. Can I put $1 on number seven?
What is that? $1 on seven.
Here, lady, you got $100 to get out of town.
Give that lady $100,
tell her to go play that, all right?
Come on, shoot.
Come on, 66.
I don't believe it.
- You won't be here next game.
- That's right. That's your comeback.
- You are the shooter.
- Well, man, okay.
- All right, I'll pass the dice to the lady.
- Okay.
- You are the shooter, ma'am.
- Let's go check out.
Is that the longest roll
you've ever been here for?
That man is unconscious.
That's what they said.
- Don't you go grabbing none of these.
- How many points?
Could you buy us a drink?
Here. Give this to the sweeper.
- Thank you very much.
- Excuse me. Sorry.
Excuse me. Excuse me, please.
- There he is.
- No, we's about even now.
He's in there.
I've got the world on a string
Sitting on a rainbow
These chips, they're just falling out.
William, you okay?
I suddenly got very tired.
I know, I could see that. I was amazed.
You walked away from the table
and you left all your chips.
But I scooped them up.
I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
We'll get a suite, a couple of outfits,
some new clothes.
Maybe we'll hit
the old Mustang Ranch, right?
We'll get a couple of little ladies.
Have a ball, right?
Then maybe we'll come down, go to Vegas...
hire a limousine, get a driver,
hit every track in the world. Right?
We haven't even started yet, Mr. Denny.
I haven't even picked up the dice.
You just showed me how to win, right?
Conviction, right?
Conviction and control.
I'm going to take a rest.
You and me are going to rest up...
then we're back to the tables
and I'll be hitting it this time, too.
First, I gotta empty my pockets.
Just chock-full, all these here chips.
I'll go to the cashier now
and pick up a little cash.
You just sit right there and take it easy.
La cucaracha, la cucaracha
Just Billy and me
I've got a fortune right here, fellows.
You'd better call for some money.
We got a lot of money here.
Keep everybody back. Everybody back.
Have a pretzel.
We have pretzels all over the place.
Rack them up.
Call Howard Hughes and tell him
we're gonna break his bank, too.
You can do me a favor.
I got a hole in my shoe.
You know where I can get this fixed?
No, I'll cash my shoe in, too.
You give me something for that?
No, we don't give nothing for old shoes.
Don't drop no chips down on the floor, now.
What do you think we got here?
How much money we got?
I think we got quite a few here.
- I just need a...
...any help with the money.
Well, I got a lot of pockets.
Now I want a very good smile.
I want a smile from you.
$82,000 on the button.
New shoes.
Cheese and crackers!
You see, I've been shooting crap games.
Smile, now. You ain't smiling. That's right.
Well, then you tell Mr. Hughes that we're
gonna break the rest of his things, too.
Look, how much is that now?
- That's $60,000, sir.
- $60,000, sir.
I've been shooting.
I have a knack with numbers.
I just, you know...
Craps happens to be one of my games.
Don't want to take advantage of the house
and win too much.
- $70,000.
- $70,000?
Four, six...
- It is unreal, but it's $80,000.
- $82,000.
Thank you very much.
We'll probably see you again.
Excuse us. Pathway, please.
No, I don't need any police.
No, ain't nobody taking this money from me.
William, $82,000. William, $41,000 apiece.
Gonna split it up right now, all right?
Two, four, six, eight, ten, twelve,
fourteen, sixteen, eighteen, for you.
Those people there, they want
autographs, they want to take pictures.
The Reno Gazette, they want
to do a whole feature story...
but I said, "No, we're going to be resting
until we come back." Right?
Okay, $40,000.
Make sure of this. Even split.
Eight, nine, and 10.
$41,000. You always take
a big win this hard?
Charlie, there was no special feeling in it.
I just said there was.
Yeah, I know that. Everybody knows that.
Check this out. We're heroes here, right?
This lady, Norma Walker,
works near the cashier, gave me this:
"If it takes a watermelon five minutes
to water...
"how long will it take a sweet pea to pee?
"As long as it takes a pair of dice to crap."
Don't mean a fucking thing, does it?
Charlie, I have to go home.
Oh, yeah? Where do you live?
I'll see you.