Casatoria (2024) Movie Script
1
So, I'd like to kindly ask you
to put it on my tab
I know I still have some debt there.
The idea is that it's practically
a matter of time
until I settle everything in one evening,
and we're even.
Excuse me, you seem to have suffered
a stroke and are slightly aphasic.
I was saying,
put it on my tab today,
and I'll settle everything later,
including what's overdue.
Pagub Isn't it a bit warm in here?
Take off that coat already.
Sir, that's what I was trying
to tell the lady, it's a matter of
Mr. Krecinski!
I'm sorry,
the all-night shop is closed.
We'll proceed to write your name
on the Black Board.
The Black Board?
Do you want to destroy me?
The Black Board means being banned
from all the casinos in the city.
It means I won't be able to play anymore.
Please understand, give me one month.
No! No, I won't allow it!
Pagub!
What happened?
I'd already been
to two gambling halls by 11:00.
I thought, let me also check out
that dive on Florilor Street
and then I'll head home.
Everything was going fine,
I was about to close the table
with a full house of Queens,
so it wouldn't draw attention,
although meanwhile
When all of a sudden
All of a sudden what?
What upset me
alright, I get it
those who were playing beat me,
those at the table,
but even those who weren't playing
joined in. Unbelievable!
At one point, there were so many beating
me that there was no room left to punch.
I thought, hear me out, they're going
to form a waiting list for me,
they'll organize themselves somehow,
they won't just stand around.
Just as I thought they were done,
Splig came after me.
Who's Splig?
- Come on, you don't know him?
- No.
Imagine the biggest brute
God ever placed on this earth.
- Did you imagine him?
- Yes.
Add another half a meter,
and you've got Splig.
All of a sudden, he grabbed me
by the collar and said:
You are cheating, huh?!
Let me show you some K1 moves.
It was such chaos and commotion, you
could hear it from the end of the street.
Even some dwarves passing by heard it.
What were the dwarves doing there?
They were looking for Snow White.
How would I know what the dwarves
were doing there?
What did I care?
What the source of the dwarves was?
Don't tell me the dwarves
saved you from the beating.
They started beating me too.
Are you out of your mind?
How could those little ones beat you?
Little, little, but they were
surprisingly strong!
And at some point, Splig pulled one
Aside and said:
You're punching wrong! Hit with your fist,
but keep your thumb over the others!
Got it? Go!
The nerve! As if it wasn't enough
that they were beating me,
I also had to be a teaching aid.
And they just wouldn't stop!
An hour and a half of beating.
OK, beating someone for five minutes,
ten minutes even, but at some point,
wouldn't you think, "Hey, maybe this guy
has other things to do?"
Come on, give me a break!
An alpaca.
What's an alpaca doing here?
This isn't even its natural habitat.
But what is its natural habitat?
Never mind, it doesn't matter.
- Can I ask you something?
- What?
- What's K1?
- A sport.
Oh, come on!
What kind of sport?
Two people throw punches until one
can't get back up, and the other wins.
Very original idea.
How did they even come up with that?
Hydrological Bulletin.
Danube Water Levels.
Bazia: 470 cm, down 10 cm.
Moldova Veche: 540 cm, down 18 cm.
Hrova: 800 cm, down 2 cm.
Orova: 225 cm, down 15 cm.
Drobeta-Turnu Severin: 747 cm, down 10 cm.
Gruia: 362 cm, down 20 cm.
Good day to you, sir!
Turnu Mgurele: 349 cm, down
Did you get beaten up?
No, I woke up like this.
You got beaten up!
You'd say I got beaten up,
but I didn't.
What happened then?
I participated in a sporting event.
I just found out about it.
What's this?
Sorrel stew.
And this?
- Salad.
- What?
So it's not just the stew.
- I'm asking, what kind of salad?
- Sorrel.
- Sorrel stew with sorrel salad?
- Yes.
We're really doing great with food.
Yesterday we had nettles,
the day before that, wild garlic.
You know what? Just take us out
to pasture, why even bother
There's no money.
What about these vegetables?
I was about to make some
noodle soup for tomorrow.
- Do we have noodles?
- No. But I'll make it without noodles.
How do you make noodle soup
without noodles?
Simple! You just don't add noodles.
Hey, Arsenie, have you ever thought
about publishing a cookbook?
Could you all just stop talking
for five minutes so I can have some peace?
You eat!
You be quiet!
Excuse me, who are these women?
Barbras's wife and daughter.
Who's Barbras?
The wealthiest landowner
in this part of the country.
He's the local baron around here.
His wife is desperate to find
their daughter, Lidocika,
a husband from high society,
preferably from the capital.
But her father, on the other hand,
wants to marry her off to a guy
named Pufulete, the son of one of his
wealthy friends from the countryside.
I'm getting married.
What did you just say?
Are you deaf? I said
I'm getting married.
- To whom?
- Barbras's daughter.
Who's Barbras?
A filthy rich landowner.
They have a daughter, Lidocika.
Think about it, a fortune of
at least 200 million.
How much?!
You heard me right,200 million.
Sir, but the girl?
She's pretty, huh?
If you don't look at her, yes.
What does she look like?
Two meters ten centimeters, 160 kilos.
The coffee shop owner told me
that every morning,
this Lidocika eats two chickens,
ten eggs,
three liters of milk,
a loaf of bread, a kilo and a half
of bacon, and ten vanilla tarts.
And that's just to avoid
having breakfast on an empty stomach.
And apparently, aside from how she looks,
she claims to be an artist.
Her father pays for singing lessons,
instruments, literature, acting, ballet.
He brings in tutors from the cities
abroad, Paris, London, Milan,
Prague, Vienna go ahead, name two.
Two.
Sir, maybe you should think this over.
Think what over? This is the only chance
I have to pay off my debts
and be able to play again.
I feel like I'm on a winning streak.
For now, though,
we need to get some money.
Enough to really look like
a wealthy gentleman of high society.
I'll pawn the gold watch
I got from my grandfather.
He gave it to me on his deathbed.
Before he closed his eyes
and passed away,
I swore to him I'd never part with it.
I mean the watch. We buried Grandpa.
With the money from pawning it, I'll buy
luxury clothes, worthy of high-society.
I'll get fine perfumes, go to the barber,
get some cosmetics done,
and tomorrow night, at the ball,
I'll make my move.
As they say:
it's either the ball or the hospital.
Like a true metrosexual gentleman.
PAWNSHOP
Pagub, listen! Here, take 30 lei.
Go to the florist and buy a bouquet of
Go to the florist and buy
a nice bouquet of flowers.
I'll run home quickly
to write Lidocika a letter
to stir her up for tomorrow night.
Now, move!
What are you doing, man?
Where are you going?
- On Skinner.
- Forskin?
The one that leads to Fag Street?
I lived there for a few years, but I quit.
- No. Skinner, Skinner Street.
- Is 40 okay?
Aren't you running on the meter?
I'm just getting off my shift!
Fine, 40 is okay.
50! Dynamic pricing just kicked in.
Lionel Cristiano.
Let's go, boys!
Good day!
Say "Good day"!
Good day!
We'd like a bouquet of flowers.
Which one?
One what?
Which bouquet?
That one!
That's not a bouquet; it's a wreath.
And what's the difference?
A bouquet is for a living person.
A wreath is for the deceased.
And what do you give a living person
who looks like they're dead?
- Oh dear!
- Oh dear!
Ma'am, give us that bouquet.
How much is it?
185 lei.
- 185 lei?
- Yes.
- For that bouquet of flowers?
- Yes.
Lady, where did you pick them?
Jupiter?
Leave it to me.
Can we negotiate?
Yes.
Fine.
See? And you call me an idiot!
See what great price I got for you!
Ma'am, our budget is 30 lei.
It cost a fortune, but it's worth it!
Have you completely lost your minds?!
You installed a bell in the house
just to make it ring in my head?
What can we do?
That's the fashion now.
So listen carefully, Ionel.
If a lady comes, you ring twice.
Ding, dong.
If a gentleman comes, you ring once.
Ding or dong?
- You are phenomenally stupid!
- Yes, ma'am.
Get out!
Pagub, listen! Take this letter,
and take that caricature of a bouquet,
and deliver them to Lidocika.
Rather than staying in the countryside,
on our estate,
you drag me here to the city,
five days out of seven.
Balls and again balls, expenses
on top of expenses, clothes, vanity.
Did you take eggs from
under the hen again? Get out!
Let me tell you, not everyone wants
to stand behind the cow's ass.
I have different expectations from life,
for me and for Lidocika.
Our place is among high society,
in the elite circles.
All you ever say is the same thing:
marry her off to Pufulete's son,
who is, forgive my expression,
an absolute caricature.
They've known each other since
they were kids, dear
Pass the barbershop,
the second street on the right.
As you turn, there's a beige house
with stone stairs at the entrance.
You can't miss it.
Actually, you can because you're an idiot,
but I kindly ask you not to miss it.
She'll marry the one I choose,
not the one you choose.
I almost had a heart attack!
Take that bell down, or by God,
I don't know what I'll do!
Not a chance! That's how
it's done in high society,
and that's how we'll do it too.
I came to announce that I rang the bell.
Not like that, you idiot!
You should've announced who it is.
I came to announce who it is.
And who is it?
Someone give me a rope!
I want to hang myself.
You'll greet her with a "Good morning"
from my part, but nicely.
- Let me show you how!
- Let him show you!
Good morning!
You got the part!
You go!
- Listen!
- Listen, man!
If anyone asks who you are,
what will you say?
- An ass.
- Mind your own business!
We don't have time for this.
You're just a simple courier.
You are not to reveal the sender's name.
I wrote her a letter of admiration
to stir her up for tomorrow night.
I sent it anonymously.
I signed it K.
OK what?
You have the brain of a mollusk.
- In what sense?
- In the sense that a mollusk has no brain.
Mr. Pufulete and son.
Ah, let them in!
- Good afternoon!
- Good day.
What's with this bell?
Are you advertising for God?
I thought I'd pass by with the little one
to see what's up come on, baby, come.
Good afternoon!
Oh, my!
Every failure now is a thing of the past.
Now, I live the success.
Life, dear friends,
is not about riding the wave
but about making waves.
Go already to where I sent you!
The flowers!
The flowers?
No, not for me!
For her!
Courage!
Flowers.
Good evening!
Thank you!
I dedicate this song to all those
who love tango.
- Good evening!
- Good evening!
May I?
Thank you!
Allow me to introduce myself:
Temistocle Krecinski.
Lidia Barbras.
But my friends call me Lidocika.
You know, miss, there are many women
who have a certain
"come-hither" quality about them
But you have a "stay-there"
charm about you
I'm an admirer of yours.
I sent you a letter, signed K.
OK what?
K! The letter K, from my name.
- Thank you for the flowers!
- You're welcome.
If you allow me to call you Lidocika,
then you may call me
Temi.
What are you writing there, baby?
A new poem?
No! I'm writing a letter to Temi.
Temi? Temi who?
Mr. Krecinski, with whom
I danced last night.
I'm inviting him to join us Saturday
at the estate for two days.
What?! If you think I'm inviting
someone like that to the estate
Fine, dear. Let him come.
Yes!
Your order, if you've decided.
- I'd like a duck leg.
- We don't have duck.
Then a chicken leg.
Logical would be that
we don't have chicken legs.
Why would it be logical?
If we had chicken legs, we'd have
turned them into duck legs, no?
- Fine, give me a stew.
- We don't have stew.
- Fried pork?
- We don't have pork.
Excuse me, but what do you have?
Veal shank, but it's not on the menu.
Then why do you keep menus on the tables?
Hey, are you here for an inspection?
Just stay there! Nothing pleases you!
You're parked in that chair, right?
I think you should be
a bit more polite to customers.
Oh, you think so, huh?
Good to know!
I was just wondering how you
think I should be.
We have veal shank, and that's it.
Why did you only make one dish?
- What do you do all day in the kitchen?
- We just sit around. How about that?
- What do you mean, Alexandra?
- Just like that! Sitting around!
Fine, give us three shanks
and a bottle of vodka.
Hey, listen up!
Three plates of shank,
but don't make them rank!
Let me guess, this one's
the joker of the group, right?
Right!
Whatever you do,
just do it wisely
Right?
Right!
Then a little drink here
and a little tap there
Right?
Right!
In the afterlife, you drink nothing
take it from me!
You'll end up between four planks
With dirt thrown over you
Pagub, Arsenie, listen up!
I've been invited to spend two days
at the countryside estate of Barbras.
This, as you can imagine,
is an exceptional opportunity
to get under their skin,
win their trust,
and make Lidocika fall
even more in love with me.
I absolutely need you to come with me
to the countryside estate,
because this will help reinforce the idea
that I belong to high society.
You'll play a character.
Baron Klaus Vin Diesel.
You were born here in our country,
but you're of German origin.
You have lots of money, many businesses,
you live in the capital like me,
but you're here visiting
and staying at my vacation home.
Pay attention, you're my best friend.
No! I'm talking about the character now!
The character you are playing!
Focus!
Focus, man!
Like me, you come from
an old noble family.
Besides the palace in the capital,
remember, you also have a massive estate
in the countryside, in Balcic,
where I also have an estate.
- Wait, you have an estate too?
- Yes.
- Also in Balcic?
- Yes.
- Also massive?
- Yes.
- Bigger than mine?
- What difference does it make, idiot?
Well, I'd like to know where I stand!
Never mind that! You need to rehearse
your character now, embody it,
internalize it, understand?
- Stanislavski!
- Exactly! Laurel and Hardski.
Now, take on a noble expression.
That's the face of a constipated man,
not a nobleman.
Never mind, I'll train you more
by tomorrow.
- And what about me? What do I play?
- You'll be my servant.
- I want to be a baron too!
- Oh, Christ!
I'm tired of always carrying the tray!
You think I'm going to the countryside,
to that man's place, with two barons?
It has to be believable, not over the top.
Wait, hold on. You'll also play
a character with depth.
I'm part of high society, the elite world,
and you'll be a professional lackey,
a royal servant almost.
Look how sweetly she sleeps, my baby,
my precious, daddy's little treasure.
So, Baron Vin Diesel, you say?
Exactly! Klaus Vin Diesel.
He's a great nobleman.
As I mentioned, a landowner
and a businessman, but above all,
my best friend.
Tell me, please
- Do you live in the capital?
- In the capital.
- Or in the countryside?
- Or in the countryside.
I don't understand!
Having so much wealth,
I live wherever I want.
Mr. Krecinski is one of us, sir.
From the countryside.
What a peasant! I mean,
although we're from the capital,
we prefer spending more time
on our estates in the countryside.
What happened, you idiots?
We hit a pothole.
Daddy's little angel!
- Come on, baby!
- Should we get out?
Stay put, all of you!
Now listen carefully!
Here we have Mr. Temistocle Krecinski
and Baron Klaus Vin Hybrid.
Not Hybrid! Diesel.
Oh, right! Diesel.
They'll stay in our biggest guest room.
Attention! Three, two, one, Start!
Tell me, Mr. Krecinski,
do you really enjoy country life,
as you just said earlier?
Who, me?
How could I ever take two delicate
creatures like yourself and Lidocika
into manure, surrounded by flies?
You ladies are made for
the finer things in life.
But why not indulge Mr. Barbras, right?
Your words warm my heart.
But I must say, you've flustered me a bit!
Phew, you are something else!
How about you two get some rest
and freshen up,
and I give these fine gentlemen
a tour of the estate?
- Yes.
- Wonderful.
Come on, dear!
Ah, the air!
What air, sir!
Why live in the city
when country life is so splendid!
You've taken the words
right out of my mouth, Mr. Barbras!
This is my favorite dog.
- A hunting dog.
- Magnificent!
- What's his name?
- Puppy.
Excuse me, but how did you come up
with that name?
Ah, Lidocika named him. But I warn you,
don't get too close.
He can get aggressive with strangers.
Don't worry; I know dogs well.
In my youth, my family had a kennel,
so I practically grew up in a high
cynological culture.
With dogs, you must assert yourself.
Calmly, confidently.
Yes, Krecinski!
Dogs, being a sensitive creatures,
can sense your energy.
The secret, Mr. Barbras, lies
in the mental state you project.
You must emanate confidence.
Have a commanding posture.
Always maintain eye contact with the dog.
Mr. Krecinski, it knows nothing about
kennels or cynology. It's a country dog.
No gray spots either!
Puppy!
Puppy, no!
Once it grabs on, it won't let go.
This is a Carpathian stag
I hunted in the Black Forest Mountains.
This is a bald eagle
I hunted in Volvograd.
And this is a bobcat.
I shot it two years
ago during a hunt in the Delta.
It was the alpha male of the pack.
Practically, as one might say
the "LOLcat of bobcats".
Get it?
We sure laughed out loud!
Dear God, this laughter is not good.
This is a female alpaca. There was
a male with her too, but he escaped.
I've been looking for him ever since.
Well, there is plenty more here,
bears, boars, peacocks, eagles, wolves,
koalas, woodpeckers, squirrels, martens.
Those were doctors, Doc Martens,
Doctorfish, Doctor Alban, my favorite!
- How long have you had this passion?
- Sir, I've been hunting for a while now.
Ionel, show the gentlemen
to their guest rooms.
Ouch!
Ouch!
Sweetheart, tell the one with the trees
you know,
the drenched trees.
And so, when the trees
are drenched after the rain,
the man in corduroy pants
makes his return.
Winter subtly announces itself
with frost on the ground.
And the leaves suddenly yellow
from fear of it.
Bravo, dear!
And keep in mind, she writes these
all by herself,
bless her talented soul,
she writes, recites, and sings,
both with her mouth and with the harp.
- Lyre.
- Lyre, piano.
So, as a man from the capital,
from high society,
the upper class,
as one might say,
with your high
education, what do you think?
Because we've grown used to her.
First of all, I'm amazed at
what you're saying.
I could never grow used to her.
She is so surprising, so fresh.
Come, enjoy your meal!
Baron!
Baron?
Klaus?
Excuse me, I wanted to ask you,
I understand that besides your countless
businesses, you also have an estate
in the countryside, like us.
Is that true?
Tell me
Where is this estate of yours located?
In Balcic.
Balcic?
I know the Balcic area!
I've been there hunting
hunting many times.
Which commune in the Balcic area?
What?
Ardatov.
Klaus always forgets the name.
And?
Tell me, please!
- How is it?
- How is what?
- The earth.
- Round.
That's a different discussion.
What is the earth like on your estate?
The Balcic area is known for black soil.
Black, very black.
But I have a question.
Who is the head of the
local nobility there?
Make up a name.
Schrelingelingheling.
What?
- Schrelingelinghe
- ling.
And is he a good man?
- Who? Schrelingelingheling?
- This Schrol guy.
Salt of the earth. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
I dare say, people like
Schrelingelingheling don't exist anymore.
- Tell me, is your estate large?
- Pretty much.
- And the cattle farm? Is it good?
- Excellent, not just good.
- So, you're an animal lover?
- Oh, I love animals.
I have a question.
How come you, with a house in the capital
and an estate in the countryside,
bought a house here in our town?
I find it very suspicious.
No shit, Sherlock!
Your town isn't the only one
where I have a little house.
You see, sometimes I feel the need
to break away, to be in a different place
from both the capital and the estate,
to live somewhere far away for a while,
to clear my mind.
And two months ago,
something inside me drew me here.
Now I'm convinced it was fate.
Am I the only person in the world
who believes in fate?
No!
Am I the only one who dreams
of a world where we can live, feel,
and savor the moment?
No!
The only one who believes that a one's
first duty is to their own happiness
and freedom?
No!
The only one who believes you can't love
anything around you unless you first
love yourself?
- No!
- No!
The only one who enjoys the challenge
of fitting all ten of his partner's toes
into his mouth until he chokes
and tears start flowing?
Yes! Here I might be the only one,
but that's beside the point.
Mr. Barbras, here and now,
under the starry sky.
Tomorrow afternoon,
we'll return to the city.
May I ask your permission, starting
Monday, to spend a few days with Lidocika?
Don't think what I think you might be
thinking. I respect her too much.
But I believe she has the right
to spend some time
with someone she finds interesting,
not just someone she's been
told or forced to find interesting.
Besides, we won't be alone.
Baron Vin Diesel will join us.
If she consents,
if it's her willful desire
Thank you.
Oh, what beautiful children!
How old are you, young man?
Six. They're twins.
Gemini! I'm a Capricorn.
And how old is the girl?
My dear, say
sweet words to me.
Honey, sugar, candies.
Nougat.
Cream slice.
Tell me, Temi, do you love me?
Truly?
More than words can express.
The things we do for money!
I've always borne the burden
of my appearance.
Do you think I don't know that
people look at me and say,
"She's beautiful, she must be dumb."
I've always fought to prove them wrong.
Look!
This life is like a ladder
It lifts you up and brings you down
Material things mean nothing.
Just now, I threw a stone into the lake.
Just an ordinary stone.
Around my neck, I have a brooch
with a diamond, a family heirloom
from my grandmother, worth 120,000 lei.
But if you think about it, it's just
another ordinary stone, a material thing.
Love, Temi!
Love is priceless.
Lydia Barbras,
it may be too soon
but I cannot hold back from asking you.
Will you be my wife?
Oh, Temi!
Temi, I have another burden to bear.
Wealth. I've always been told that
men might want me for this reason.
What lowlifes!
Temi, would you marry me even if
I didn't have a huge dowry from my father?
Lidocika, I'd marry you no matter
whose huge dowry you came with.
Oh, Temi, wow!
- Mr. Barbras?
- Wait, you're interrupting my flow.
Now I have to start all over.
- Mr. Barbras!
- Yes, please.
Lidocika and I had a serious discussion.
And together Isn't that right, Lidia?
We've decided to get married.
We need your approval as well.
Mr. Krecinski
There's a saying that haste makes
If you won't let me,
I'll self-end my life through suicide.
You hear that? She'll kill herself!
Is that what you want?
To kill your own child?
- Self-end.
- You see, but
Mr. Krecinski, here's what we'll do.
Today is Tuesday.
Yes.
Do you have plans for Friday evening?
No, why?
I was thinking we could visit you.
For dinner, if possible.
We can discuss things in detail then.
Do you agree?
Of course! Why not?
- My little darling?
- Yes?
You'll laugh.
No! It's an expression. Anyway.
Yesterday, I made a bet, a moral bet,
of course, because I don't like gambling
or any game of chance. 21, Omaha,
Texas Hold'em, Lucky Charm,
I don't even know their names.
So, I made a bet with Prince Belski,
a friend of mine from high society,
about the diamond in your brooch.
He didn't believe me.
Could you lend it to me until Friday
so I can show it to him?
So,
you're interested in a brooch
without a diamond or stone?
Yes!
I mean I have a diamond.
I'll mount it later.
Afterward, I'd like to see
all the brooches you have for sale
that can hold a diamond.
I want to see if you have
exactly this model.
Fine.
Help me, God!
God, help me!
I beg you, God, help me!
Help me!
Yes!
Yes! Yes!
There is a God!
A glass replica of this
is hard to make.
When do you need it?
Yesterday.
They're identical.
Listen!
You're the best.
With things like this, you're the king!
Let's go!
What have you done, you fool?
You only got sweets? Just desserts?
I got cookies, a cake, candies, macarons.
Arsenie, shut up!!
Shut up!
Why? You know I love sweets.
I don't care what you love!
I told you to handle the food.
This isn't food?
By the way, I've also put up a painting.
I hung it there deliberately.
I'll say it's my grandfather, who was
the advisor to the king's grandfather.
They must believe at all costs
that I'm from high society.
They're here! You stay here. Relax.
Don't forget your character!
Don't sit there like that,
it's unnatural!
- Do something with your hands!
- What?
Stick them in your
Give him a newspaper! Hand it to him!
Read! Look at the pictures!
Let's greet them!
Oh, good evening! Welcome!
Please, come in!
Good evening!
Mr. Barbras.
Mrs. Barbras.
Mr. Krecinski.
Please!
Oh, Lidocika!
Come in, welcome!
Oh, Mr. Krecinski, such a beautiful house.
How tasteful!
- Small, but charming.
- Thank you, I've been told that before.
Well, this is just the house I have here.
The one in the capital is a lot
Bigger?
Average.
- Let's drop it.
- Oh dear!
Arsenie!
- Arsenie!
- Yes?
Please assist these lovely ladies.
With what?
Their coats.
Ah, yes, the coats.
Here you go, madam.
Quel merveille!
That's a whale all right?
Yes, this is a handcrafted
wardrobe made by a
The armchairs I got from a dear friend.
The door as well
And here's a samovar.
I got it from Moscow.
The gramophone I bought it from
Paris Dakar
I don't remember anymore.
I'm sure you'll be delighted
to see my dear friend again,
Baron Klaus Vin Diesel.
I've got you!
These sweets are nice, but
do we have anything else to eat?
We serve an all-sweets meal once a week.
It's a noble tradition
Practiced in high society.
Hear that?
We should do that at home too.
- Don't even think about it!
- I want to!
We'll do it, dear, we'll do it.
It's a tradition instilled in me
by my grandfather, General Krecinski.
Let me guess.
He died of diabetes, right?
He was an advisor to
the king's grandfather.
Good evening, excuse me, may I
The painting
- If I may
- Please.
The grandfather is the one on horseback.
It's splendid!
Then there's no discussion.
- I'll buy it for you.
- You don't have to.
I say I do.
Sir, it's fake.
How could it be fake, sir?
I checked it myself!
Who could it be at this hour?
That's what I'm wondering too.
My dear Arsenie?
Yes, my dear sir?
Whoever it is, we're not receiving anyone.
Understood.
Mr. Krecinski?
You didn't expect to see me here tonight.
What are you doing here, Puior?
Good question.
You're all about to find out
what kind of house this is.
Here, lies sit in closets
like stench on a sock.
The time for unmasking has come.
Turn off that soundtrack,
let's switch to dialogue,
because I can't understand
what this man is saying.
Say it again, please!
Is it true what he's saying?
That my daughter's diamond brooch,
which you took from her,
something I'm only now finding out,
ended up at the pawnshop?
The game's over, Krecinski!
It's time for everyone to know
who you really are.
In other words, you can be an honest,
open, upright man, but then some fool,
an idiot, a cretin
Go away from me,
or I'll break your skull!
Maybe you want to break my skull!
The diamond is with me.
I showed the diamond to my friend,
Prince Belski,
and was getting ready to return it
to Lidocika.
Since the diamond is here,
this accusation against me
is not only a blatant lie
but also an attack on my honor.
Mr. Pufulete,
I ask you to leave this house at once.
I saw it with my own eyes.
The owner told me that the man often seen
with this individual brought it there.
I saw the diamond brooch in the display.
He should leave at once!
Puior, it's best if you go.
A villainy has come between us.
You were very tempted
to side with the villain.
Mr. Krecinski If someone could
Please believe me,
I never, I mean, I have no
but then I hear that my daughter
that you're a fraud. Put yourself in
my situation, a father's heart
But have you thought about
your own behavior?
- I didn't get it
- Me neither.
If a scoundrel and a liar
could insult me,
you've insulted me even more.
- Are you Mr. Krecinski?
- No.
I am the Danger.
- And you?
- No.
Excuse us.
It's clear, Krecinski is leaving
fake addresses everywhere.
No kidding!
I don't need your diamond,
nor your money!
Your money
I'd throw it to the first man I see.
Him!
Get down!
Get down!!
No!
Finish him!
He knows where Mr. Krecinski lives.
I am a simple and honest man.
And just as simple and honest
is my love for Lidocika.
What more do you want?
God to descend from heaven
and speak in my defense?
Krecinski?
God?
Krecinski, can you hear me?
That's enough, Krecinski! Game over!
Come out with your hands up.
Don't do anything foolish!
We've got the whole area surrounded.
How could it be surrounded?
It's just us here.
Are you stupid?
How would he know that?
Don't look now but
There's an alpaca behind you.
An alpaca?
Impossible!
It's not even in its natural habitat.
Let's just ignore it; maybe it'll leave.
- Is there anyone else in there?
- Yes.
Listen, Krecinski, is this alpaca yours?
Is it violent?
What alpaca?
The male!
Look, that's him! And the other one
is his friend who came to do the switch.
He took my money and
sold me ordinary glass.
Mr. Barbras you here?
Here's the diamond.
It was
a mistake.
No! No!
Whose alpaca is this?
No one's, man!
This alpaca belongs to the streets.
Will you
ever forgive me?
For putting you through all this?
Lidocika!
Yes!
Will you forgive me?
For not believing you and
sending you away?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Thank you so much!
But you see?
In life, you must follow your heart.
You're free to go. Someone has
covered the cost, paid for the diamond.
Who?
Why?
Why did you do it?
Because I can't bear to see anyone suffer.
Do you think I don't know
what suffering is, Mr. Krecinski?
My whole life, I've been mocked,
and everyone laughed at how I look.
That didn't make me bitter,
it made me stronger.
Being strong means being kind.
I know who I am.
And I
I thought maybe someone could love me.
It seems I was wrong.
Mr. Pufulete,
you mustn't give up.
You and Lidocika are meant for each other.
You are the definition
of "meant for each other".
Please forgive me.
The gambling fever twisted me to
the point where I trampled on everything.
I lied, I cheated.
But I've learned my lesson.
Thank you.
And believe me, Lidocika
will never hear of me again.
People like you, Mr. Pufulete,
are very rare.
And I'm not referring
to your physical appearance.
As a human being.
You're a saint.
I'm hungry!
Maybe we can find some sorrel around here.
I'm not hungry anymore.
I'm thirsty!
Will you calm down already?
I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, there's a pebble
in my shoe, I'm hot, are we there yet?
It's like I'm walking with children here.
We'll get to a town, and
we'll figure it out, we'll manage.
I just want to live a normal life,
to be a man amongst men,
after all, I didn't kill my mother.
What do you mean you didn't?
I've explained it many times!
It was an accident.
Sir, maybe it's time for us to find
Find what?
Work.
Listen, boy!
Never let me hear you say
that word ever again!
As long as we're together,
nothing bad
can happen to us.
I stepped in manure.
That's a sign of good luck.
What's the point of luck
if I don't have money to gamble?
Tell me, please,
your final destination.
Monte Carlo.
I had it in my hand!
And now what? How do we get back?
Back where? Can't you see
the opportunities we have here?
We can't leave!
One hundred thousands
lost in just a few hours.
That's an extraordinary performance.
So, I'd like to kindly ask you
to put it on my tab
I know I still have some debt there.
The idea is that it's practically
a matter of time
until I settle everything in one evening,
and we're even.
Excuse me, you seem to have suffered
a stroke and are slightly aphasic.
I was saying,
put it on my tab today,
and I'll settle everything later,
including what's overdue.
Pagub Isn't it a bit warm in here?
Take off that coat already.
Sir, that's what I was trying
to tell the lady, it's a matter of
Mr. Krecinski!
I'm sorry,
the all-night shop is closed.
We'll proceed to write your name
on the Black Board.
The Black Board?
Do you want to destroy me?
The Black Board means being banned
from all the casinos in the city.
It means I won't be able to play anymore.
Please understand, give me one month.
No! No, I won't allow it!
Pagub!
What happened?
I'd already been
to two gambling halls by 11:00.
I thought, let me also check out
that dive on Florilor Street
and then I'll head home.
Everything was going fine,
I was about to close the table
with a full house of Queens,
so it wouldn't draw attention,
although meanwhile
When all of a sudden
All of a sudden what?
What upset me
alright, I get it
those who were playing beat me,
those at the table,
but even those who weren't playing
joined in. Unbelievable!
At one point, there were so many beating
me that there was no room left to punch.
I thought, hear me out, they're going
to form a waiting list for me,
they'll organize themselves somehow,
they won't just stand around.
Just as I thought they were done,
Splig came after me.
Who's Splig?
- Come on, you don't know him?
- No.
Imagine the biggest brute
God ever placed on this earth.
- Did you imagine him?
- Yes.
Add another half a meter,
and you've got Splig.
All of a sudden, he grabbed me
by the collar and said:
You are cheating, huh?!
Let me show you some K1 moves.
It was such chaos and commotion, you
could hear it from the end of the street.
Even some dwarves passing by heard it.
What were the dwarves doing there?
They were looking for Snow White.
How would I know what the dwarves
were doing there?
What did I care?
What the source of the dwarves was?
Don't tell me the dwarves
saved you from the beating.
They started beating me too.
Are you out of your mind?
How could those little ones beat you?
Little, little, but they were
surprisingly strong!
And at some point, Splig pulled one
Aside and said:
You're punching wrong! Hit with your fist,
but keep your thumb over the others!
Got it? Go!
The nerve! As if it wasn't enough
that they were beating me,
I also had to be a teaching aid.
And they just wouldn't stop!
An hour and a half of beating.
OK, beating someone for five minutes,
ten minutes even, but at some point,
wouldn't you think, "Hey, maybe this guy
has other things to do?"
Come on, give me a break!
An alpaca.
What's an alpaca doing here?
This isn't even its natural habitat.
But what is its natural habitat?
Never mind, it doesn't matter.
- Can I ask you something?
- What?
- What's K1?
- A sport.
Oh, come on!
What kind of sport?
Two people throw punches until one
can't get back up, and the other wins.
Very original idea.
How did they even come up with that?
Hydrological Bulletin.
Danube Water Levels.
Bazia: 470 cm, down 10 cm.
Moldova Veche: 540 cm, down 18 cm.
Hrova: 800 cm, down 2 cm.
Orova: 225 cm, down 15 cm.
Drobeta-Turnu Severin: 747 cm, down 10 cm.
Gruia: 362 cm, down 20 cm.
Good day to you, sir!
Turnu Mgurele: 349 cm, down
Did you get beaten up?
No, I woke up like this.
You got beaten up!
You'd say I got beaten up,
but I didn't.
What happened then?
I participated in a sporting event.
I just found out about it.
What's this?
Sorrel stew.
And this?
- Salad.
- What?
So it's not just the stew.
- I'm asking, what kind of salad?
- Sorrel.
- Sorrel stew with sorrel salad?
- Yes.
We're really doing great with food.
Yesterday we had nettles,
the day before that, wild garlic.
You know what? Just take us out
to pasture, why even bother
There's no money.
What about these vegetables?
I was about to make some
noodle soup for tomorrow.
- Do we have noodles?
- No. But I'll make it without noodles.
How do you make noodle soup
without noodles?
Simple! You just don't add noodles.
Hey, Arsenie, have you ever thought
about publishing a cookbook?
Could you all just stop talking
for five minutes so I can have some peace?
You eat!
You be quiet!
Excuse me, who are these women?
Barbras's wife and daughter.
Who's Barbras?
The wealthiest landowner
in this part of the country.
He's the local baron around here.
His wife is desperate to find
their daughter, Lidocika,
a husband from high society,
preferably from the capital.
But her father, on the other hand,
wants to marry her off to a guy
named Pufulete, the son of one of his
wealthy friends from the countryside.
I'm getting married.
What did you just say?
Are you deaf? I said
I'm getting married.
- To whom?
- Barbras's daughter.
Who's Barbras?
A filthy rich landowner.
They have a daughter, Lidocika.
Think about it, a fortune of
at least 200 million.
How much?!
You heard me right,200 million.
Sir, but the girl?
She's pretty, huh?
If you don't look at her, yes.
What does she look like?
Two meters ten centimeters, 160 kilos.
The coffee shop owner told me
that every morning,
this Lidocika eats two chickens,
ten eggs,
three liters of milk,
a loaf of bread, a kilo and a half
of bacon, and ten vanilla tarts.
And that's just to avoid
having breakfast on an empty stomach.
And apparently, aside from how she looks,
she claims to be an artist.
Her father pays for singing lessons,
instruments, literature, acting, ballet.
He brings in tutors from the cities
abroad, Paris, London, Milan,
Prague, Vienna go ahead, name two.
Two.
Sir, maybe you should think this over.
Think what over? This is the only chance
I have to pay off my debts
and be able to play again.
I feel like I'm on a winning streak.
For now, though,
we need to get some money.
Enough to really look like
a wealthy gentleman of high society.
I'll pawn the gold watch
I got from my grandfather.
He gave it to me on his deathbed.
Before he closed his eyes
and passed away,
I swore to him I'd never part with it.
I mean the watch. We buried Grandpa.
With the money from pawning it, I'll buy
luxury clothes, worthy of high-society.
I'll get fine perfumes, go to the barber,
get some cosmetics done,
and tomorrow night, at the ball,
I'll make my move.
As they say:
it's either the ball or the hospital.
Like a true metrosexual gentleman.
PAWNSHOP
Pagub, listen! Here, take 30 lei.
Go to the florist and buy a bouquet of
Go to the florist and buy
a nice bouquet of flowers.
I'll run home quickly
to write Lidocika a letter
to stir her up for tomorrow night.
Now, move!
What are you doing, man?
Where are you going?
- On Skinner.
- Forskin?
The one that leads to Fag Street?
I lived there for a few years, but I quit.
- No. Skinner, Skinner Street.
- Is 40 okay?
Aren't you running on the meter?
I'm just getting off my shift!
Fine, 40 is okay.
50! Dynamic pricing just kicked in.
Lionel Cristiano.
Let's go, boys!
Good day!
Say "Good day"!
Good day!
We'd like a bouquet of flowers.
Which one?
One what?
Which bouquet?
That one!
That's not a bouquet; it's a wreath.
And what's the difference?
A bouquet is for a living person.
A wreath is for the deceased.
And what do you give a living person
who looks like they're dead?
- Oh dear!
- Oh dear!
Ma'am, give us that bouquet.
How much is it?
185 lei.
- 185 lei?
- Yes.
- For that bouquet of flowers?
- Yes.
Lady, where did you pick them?
Jupiter?
Leave it to me.
Can we negotiate?
Yes.
Fine.
See? And you call me an idiot!
See what great price I got for you!
Ma'am, our budget is 30 lei.
It cost a fortune, but it's worth it!
Have you completely lost your minds?!
You installed a bell in the house
just to make it ring in my head?
What can we do?
That's the fashion now.
So listen carefully, Ionel.
If a lady comes, you ring twice.
Ding, dong.
If a gentleman comes, you ring once.
Ding or dong?
- You are phenomenally stupid!
- Yes, ma'am.
Get out!
Pagub, listen! Take this letter,
and take that caricature of a bouquet,
and deliver them to Lidocika.
Rather than staying in the countryside,
on our estate,
you drag me here to the city,
five days out of seven.
Balls and again balls, expenses
on top of expenses, clothes, vanity.
Did you take eggs from
under the hen again? Get out!
Let me tell you, not everyone wants
to stand behind the cow's ass.
I have different expectations from life,
for me and for Lidocika.
Our place is among high society,
in the elite circles.
All you ever say is the same thing:
marry her off to Pufulete's son,
who is, forgive my expression,
an absolute caricature.
They've known each other since
they were kids, dear
Pass the barbershop,
the second street on the right.
As you turn, there's a beige house
with stone stairs at the entrance.
You can't miss it.
Actually, you can because you're an idiot,
but I kindly ask you not to miss it.
She'll marry the one I choose,
not the one you choose.
I almost had a heart attack!
Take that bell down, or by God,
I don't know what I'll do!
Not a chance! That's how
it's done in high society,
and that's how we'll do it too.
I came to announce that I rang the bell.
Not like that, you idiot!
You should've announced who it is.
I came to announce who it is.
And who is it?
Someone give me a rope!
I want to hang myself.
You'll greet her with a "Good morning"
from my part, but nicely.
- Let me show you how!
- Let him show you!
Good morning!
You got the part!
You go!
- Listen!
- Listen, man!
If anyone asks who you are,
what will you say?
- An ass.
- Mind your own business!
We don't have time for this.
You're just a simple courier.
You are not to reveal the sender's name.
I wrote her a letter of admiration
to stir her up for tomorrow night.
I sent it anonymously.
I signed it K.
OK what?
You have the brain of a mollusk.
- In what sense?
- In the sense that a mollusk has no brain.
Mr. Pufulete and son.
Ah, let them in!
- Good afternoon!
- Good day.
What's with this bell?
Are you advertising for God?
I thought I'd pass by with the little one
to see what's up come on, baby, come.
Good afternoon!
Oh, my!
Every failure now is a thing of the past.
Now, I live the success.
Life, dear friends,
is not about riding the wave
but about making waves.
Go already to where I sent you!
The flowers!
The flowers?
No, not for me!
For her!
Courage!
Flowers.
Good evening!
Thank you!
I dedicate this song to all those
who love tango.
- Good evening!
- Good evening!
May I?
Thank you!
Allow me to introduce myself:
Temistocle Krecinski.
Lidia Barbras.
But my friends call me Lidocika.
You know, miss, there are many women
who have a certain
"come-hither" quality about them
But you have a "stay-there"
charm about you
I'm an admirer of yours.
I sent you a letter, signed K.
OK what?
K! The letter K, from my name.
- Thank you for the flowers!
- You're welcome.
If you allow me to call you Lidocika,
then you may call me
Temi.
What are you writing there, baby?
A new poem?
No! I'm writing a letter to Temi.
Temi? Temi who?
Mr. Krecinski, with whom
I danced last night.
I'm inviting him to join us Saturday
at the estate for two days.
What?! If you think I'm inviting
someone like that to the estate
Fine, dear. Let him come.
Yes!
Your order, if you've decided.
- I'd like a duck leg.
- We don't have duck.
Then a chicken leg.
Logical would be that
we don't have chicken legs.
Why would it be logical?
If we had chicken legs, we'd have
turned them into duck legs, no?
- Fine, give me a stew.
- We don't have stew.
- Fried pork?
- We don't have pork.
Excuse me, but what do you have?
Veal shank, but it's not on the menu.
Then why do you keep menus on the tables?
Hey, are you here for an inspection?
Just stay there! Nothing pleases you!
You're parked in that chair, right?
I think you should be
a bit more polite to customers.
Oh, you think so, huh?
Good to know!
I was just wondering how you
think I should be.
We have veal shank, and that's it.
Why did you only make one dish?
- What do you do all day in the kitchen?
- We just sit around. How about that?
- What do you mean, Alexandra?
- Just like that! Sitting around!
Fine, give us three shanks
and a bottle of vodka.
Hey, listen up!
Three plates of shank,
but don't make them rank!
Let me guess, this one's
the joker of the group, right?
Right!
Whatever you do,
just do it wisely
Right?
Right!
Then a little drink here
and a little tap there
Right?
Right!
In the afterlife, you drink nothing
take it from me!
You'll end up between four planks
With dirt thrown over you
Pagub, Arsenie, listen up!
I've been invited to spend two days
at the countryside estate of Barbras.
This, as you can imagine,
is an exceptional opportunity
to get under their skin,
win their trust,
and make Lidocika fall
even more in love with me.
I absolutely need you to come with me
to the countryside estate,
because this will help reinforce the idea
that I belong to high society.
You'll play a character.
Baron Klaus Vin Diesel.
You were born here in our country,
but you're of German origin.
You have lots of money, many businesses,
you live in the capital like me,
but you're here visiting
and staying at my vacation home.
Pay attention, you're my best friend.
No! I'm talking about the character now!
The character you are playing!
Focus!
Focus, man!
Like me, you come from
an old noble family.
Besides the palace in the capital,
remember, you also have a massive estate
in the countryside, in Balcic,
where I also have an estate.
- Wait, you have an estate too?
- Yes.
- Also in Balcic?
- Yes.
- Also massive?
- Yes.
- Bigger than mine?
- What difference does it make, idiot?
Well, I'd like to know where I stand!
Never mind that! You need to rehearse
your character now, embody it,
internalize it, understand?
- Stanislavski!
- Exactly! Laurel and Hardski.
Now, take on a noble expression.
That's the face of a constipated man,
not a nobleman.
Never mind, I'll train you more
by tomorrow.
- And what about me? What do I play?
- You'll be my servant.
- I want to be a baron too!
- Oh, Christ!
I'm tired of always carrying the tray!
You think I'm going to the countryside,
to that man's place, with two barons?
It has to be believable, not over the top.
Wait, hold on. You'll also play
a character with depth.
I'm part of high society, the elite world,
and you'll be a professional lackey,
a royal servant almost.
Look how sweetly she sleeps, my baby,
my precious, daddy's little treasure.
So, Baron Vin Diesel, you say?
Exactly! Klaus Vin Diesel.
He's a great nobleman.
As I mentioned, a landowner
and a businessman, but above all,
my best friend.
Tell me, please
- Do you live in the capital?
- In the capital.
- Or in the countryside?
- Or in the countryside.
I don't understand!
Having so much wealth,
I live wherever I want.
Mr. Krecinski is one of us, sir.
From the countryside.
What a peasant! I mean,
although we're from the capital,
we prefer spending more time
on our estates in the countryside.
What happened, you idiots?
We hit a pothole.
Daddy's little angel!
- Come on, baby!
- Should we get out?
Stay put, all of you!
Now listen carefully!
Here we have Mr. Temistocle Krecinski
and Baron Klaus Vin Hybrid.
Not Hybrid! Diesel.
Oh, right! Diesel.
They'll stay in our biggest guest room.
Attention! Three, two, one, Start!
Tell me, Mr. Krecinski,
do you really enjoy country life,
as you just said earlier?
Who, me?
How could I ever take two delicate
creatures like yourself and Lidocika
into manure, surrounded by flies?
You ladies are made for
the finer things in life.
But why not indulge Mr. Barbras, right?
Your words warm my heart.
But I must say, you've flustered me a bit!
Phew, you are something else!
How about you two get some rest
and freshen up,
and I give these fine gentlemen
a tour of the estate?
- Yes.
- Wonderful.
Come on, dear!
Ah, the air!
What air, sir!
Why live in the city
when country life is so splendid!
You've taken the words
right out of my mouth, Mr. Barbras!
This is my favorite dog.
- A hunting dog.
- Magnificent!
- What's his name?
- Puppy.
Excuse me, but how did you come up
with that name?
Ah, Lidocika named him. But I warn you,
don't get too close.
He can get aggressive with strangers.
Don't worry; I know dogs well.
In my youth, my family had a kennel,
so I practically grew up in a high
cynological culture.
With dogs, you must assert yourself.
Calmly, confidently.
Yes, Krecinski!
Dogs, being a sensitive creatures,
can sense your energy.
The secret, Mr. Barbras, lies
in the mental state you project.
You must emanate confidence.
Have a commanding posture.
Always maintain eye contact with the dog.
Mr. Krecinski, it knows nothing about
kennels or cynology. It's a country dog.
No gray spots either!
Puppy!
Puppy, no!
Once it grabs on, it won't let go.
This is a Carpathian stag
I hunted in the Black Forest Mountains.
This is a bald eagle
I hunted in Volvograd.
And this is a bobcat.
I shot it two years
ago during a hunt in the Delta.
It was the alpha male of the pack.
Practically, as one might say
the "LOLcat of bobcats".
Get it?
We sure laughed out loud!
Dear God, this laughter is not good.
This is a female alpaca. There was
a male with her too, but he escaped.
I've been looking for him ever since.
Well, there is plenty more here,
bears, boars, peacocks, eagles, wolves,
koalas, woodpeckers, squirrels, martens.
Those were doctors, Doc Martens,
Doctorfish, Doctor Alban, my favorite!
- How long have you had this passion?
- Sir, I've been hunting for a while now.
Ionel, show the gentlemen
to their guest rooms.
Ouch!
Ouch!
Sweetheart, tell the one with the trees
you know,
the drenched trees.
And so, when the trees
are drenched after the rain,
the man in corduroy pants
makes his return.
Winter subtly announces itself
with frost on the ground.
And the leaves suddenly yellow
from fear of it.
Bravo, dear!
And keep in mind, she writes these
all by herself,
bless her talented soul,
she writes, recites, and sings,
both with her mouth and with the harp.
- Lyre.
- Lyre, piano.
So, as a man from the capital,
from high society,
the upper class,
as one might say,
with your high
education, what do you think?
Because we've grown used to her.
First of all, I'm amazed at
what you're saying.
I could never grow used to her.
She is so surprising, so fresh.
Come, enjoy your meal!
Baron!
Baron?
Klaus?
Excuse me, I wanted to ask you,
I understand that besides your countless
businesses, you also have an estate
in the countryside, like us.
Is that true?
Tell me
Where is this estate of yours located?
In Balcic.
Balcic?
I know the Balcic area!
I've been there hunting
hunting many times.
Which commune in the Balcic area?
What?
Ardatov.
Klaus always forgets the name.
And?
Tell me, please!
- How is it?
- How is what?
- The earth.
- Round.
That's a different discussion.
What is the earth like on your estate?
The Balcic area is known for black soil.
Black, very black.
But I have a question.
Who is the head of the
local nobility there?
Make up a name.
Schrelingelingheling.
What?
- Schrelingelinghe
- ling.
And is he a good man?
- Who? Schrelingelingheling?
- This Schrol guy.
Salt of the earth. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
I dare say, people like
Schrelingelingheling don't exist anymore.
- Tell me, is your estate large?
- Pretty much.
- And the cattle farm? Is it good?
- Excellent, not just good.
- So, you're an animal lover?
- Oh, I love animals.
I have a question.
How come you, with a house in the capital
and an estate in the countryside,
bought a house here in our town?
I find it very suspicious.
No shit, Sherlock!
Your town isn't the only one
where I have a little house.
You see, sometimes I feel the need
to break away, to be in a different place
from both the capital and the estate,
to live somewhere far away for a while,
to clear my mind.
And two months ago,
something inside me drew me here.
Now I'm convinced it was fate.
Am I the only person in the world
who believes in fate?
No!
Am I the only one who dreams
of a world where we can live, feel,
and savor the moment?
No!
The only one who believes that a one's
first duty is to their own happiness
and freedom?
No!
The only one who believes you can't love
anything around you unless you first
love yourself?
- No!
- No!
The only one who enjoys the challenge
of fitting all ten of his partner's toes
into his mouth until he chokes
and tears start flowing?
Yes! Here I might be the only one,
but that's beside the point.
Mr. Barbras, here and now,
under the starry sky.
Tomorrow afternoon,
we'll return to the city.
May I ask your permission, starting
Monday, to spend a few days with Lidocika?
Don't think what I think you might be
thinking. I respect her too much.
But I believe she has the right
to spend some time
with someone she finds interesting,
not just someone she's been
told or forced to find interesting.
Besides, we won't be alone.
Baron Vin Diesel will join us.
If she consents,
if it's her willful desire
Thank you.
Oh, what beautiful children!
How old are you, young man?
Six. They're twins.
Gemini! I'm a Capricorn.
And how old is the girl?
My dear, say
sweet words to me.
Honey, sugar, candies.
Nougat.
Cream slice.
Tell me, Temi, do you love me?
Truly?
More than words can express.
The things we do for money!
I've always borne the burden
of my appearance.
Do you think I don't know that
people look at me and say,
"She's beautiful, she must be dumb."
I've always fought to prove them wrong.
Look!
This life is like a ladder
It lifts you up and brings you down
Material things mean nothing.
Just now, I threw a stone into the lake.
Just an ordinary stone.
Around my neck, I have a brooch
with a diamond, a family heirloom
from my grandmother, worth 120,000 lei.
But if you think about it, it's just
another ordinary stone, a material thing.
Love, Temi!
Love is priceless.
Lydia Barbras,
it may be too soon
but I cannot hold back from asking you.
Will you be my wife?
Oh, Temi!
Temi, I have another burden to bear.
Wealth. I've always been told that
men might want me for this reason.
What lowlifes!
Temi, would you marry me even if
I didn't have a huge dowry from my father?
Lidocika, I'd marry you no matter
whose huge dowry you came with.
Oh, Temi, wow!
- Mr. Barbras?
- Wait, you're interrupting my flow.
Now I have to start all over.
- Mr. Barbras!
- Yes, please.
Lidocika and I had a serious discussion.
And together Isn't that right, Lidia?
We've decided to get married.
We need your approval as well.
Mr. Krecinski
There's a saying that haste makes
If you won't let me,
I'll self-end my life through suicide.
You hear that? She'll kill herself!
Is that what you want?
To kill your own child?
- Self-end.
- You see, but
Mr. Krecinski, here's what we'll do.
Today is Tuesday.
Yes.
Do you have plans for Friday evening?
No, why?
I was thinking we could visit you.
For dinner, if possible.
We can discuss things in detail then.
Do you agree?
Of course! Why not?
- My little darling?
- Yes?
You'll laugh.
No! It's an expression. Anyway.
Yesterday, I made a bet, a moral bet,
of course, because I don't like gambling
or any game of chance. 21, Omaha,
Texas Hold'em, Lucky Charm,
I don't even know their names.
So, I made a bet with Prince Belski,
a friend of mine from high society,
about the diamond in your brooch.
He didn't believe me.
Could you lend it to me until Friday
so I can show it to him?
So,
you're interested in a brooch
without a diamond or stone?
Yes!
I mean I have a diamond.
I'll mount it later.
Afterward, I'd like to see
all the brooches you have for sale
that can hold a diamond.
I want to see if you have
exactly this model.
Fine.
Help me, God!
God, help me!
I beg you, God, help me!
Help me!
Yes!
Yes! Yes!
There is a God!
A glass replica of this
is hard to make.
When do you need it?
Yesterday.
They're identical.
Listen!
You're the best.
With things like this, you're the king!
Let's go!
What have you done, you fool?
You only got sweets? Just desserts?
I got cookies, a cake, candies, macarons.
Arsenie, shut up!!
Shut up!
Why? You know I love sweets.
I don't care what you love!
I told you to handle the food.
This isn't food?
By the way, I've also put up a painting.
I hung it there deliberately.
I'll say it's my grandfather, who was
the advisor to the king's grandfather.
They must believe at all costs
that I'm from high society.
They're here! You stay here. Relax.
Don't forget your character!
Don't sit there like that,
it's unnatural!
- Do something with your hands!
- What?
Stick them in your
Give him a newspaper! Hand it to him!
Read! Look at the pictures!
Let's greet them!
Oh, good evening! Welcome!
Please, come in!
Good evening!
Mr. Barbras.
Mrs. Barbras.
Mr. Krecinski.
Please!
Oh, Lidocika!
Come in, welcome!
Oh, Mr. Krecinski, such a beautiful house.
How tasteful!
- Small, but charming.
- Thank you, I've been told that before.
Well, this is just the house I have here.
The one in the capital is a lot
Bigger?
Average.
- Let's drop it.
- Oh dear!
Arsenie!
- Arsenie!
- Yes?
Please assist these lovely ladies.
With what?
Their coats.
Ah, yes, the coats.
Here you go, madam.
Quel merveille!
That's a whale all right?
Yes, this is a handcrafted
wardrobe made by a
The armchairs I got from a dear friend.
The door as well
And here's a samovar.
I got it from Moscow.
The gramophone I bought it from
Paris Dakar
I don't remember anymore.
I'm sure you'll be delighted
to see my dear friend again,
Baron Klaus Vin Diesel.
I've got you!
These sweets are nice, but
do we have anything else to eat?
We serve an all-sweets meal once a week.
It's a noble tradition
Practiced in high society.
Hear that?
We should do that at home too.
- Don't even think about it!
- I want to!
We'll do it, dear, we'll do it.
It's a tradition instilled in me
by my grandfather, General Krecinski.
Let me guess.
He died of diabetes, right?
He was an advisor to
the king's grandfather.
Good evening, excuse me, may I
The painting
- If I may
- Please.
The grandfather is the one on horseback.
It's splendid!
Then there's no discussion.
- I'll buy it for you.
- You don't have to.
I say I do.
Sir, it's fake.
How could it be fake, sir?
I checked it myself!
Who could it be at this hour?
That's what I'm wondering too.
My dear Arsenie?
Yes, my dear sir?
Whoever it is, we're not receiving anyone.
Understood.
Mr. Krecinski?
You didn't expect to see me here tonight.
What are you doing here, Puior?
Good question.
You're all about to find out
what kind of house this is.
Here, lies sit in closets
like stench on a sock.
The time for unmasking has come.
Turn off that soundtrack,
let's switch to dialogue,
because I can't understand
what this man is saying.
Say it again, please!
Is it true what he's saying?
That my daughter's diamond brooch,
which you took from her,
something I'm only now finding out,
ended up at the pawnshop?
The game's over, Krecinski!
It's time for everyone to know
who you really are.
In other words, you can be an honest,
open, upright man, but then some fool,
an idiot, a cretin
Go away from me,
or I'll break your skull!
Maybe you want to break my skull!
The diamond is with me.
I showed the diamond to my friend,
Prince Belski,
and was getting ready to return it
to Lidocika.
Since the diamond is here,
this accusation against me
is not only a blatant lie
but also an attack on my honor.
Mr. Pufulete,
I ask you to leave this house at once.
I saw it with my own eyes.
The owner told me that the man often seen
with this individual brought it there.
I saw the diamond brooch in the display.
He should leave at once!
Puior, it's best if you go.
A villainy has come between us.
You were very tempted
to side with the villain.
Mr. Krecinski If someone could
Please believe me,
I never, I mean, I have no
but then I hear that my daughter
that you're a fraud. Put yourself in
my situation, a father's heart
But have you thought about
your own behavior?
- I didn't get it
- Me neither.
If a scoundrel and a liar
could insult me,
you've insulted me even more.
- Are you Mr. Krecinski?
- No.
I am the Danger.
- And you?
- No.
Excuse us.
It's clear, Krecinski is leaving
fake addresses everywhere.
No kidding!
I don't need your diamond,
nor your money!
Your money
I'd throw it to the first man I see.
Him!
Get down!
Get down!!
No!
Finish him!
He knows where Mr. Krecinski lives.
I am a simple and honest man.
And just as simple and honest
is my love for Lidocika.
What more do you want?
God to descend from heaven
and speak in my defense?
Krecinski?
God?
Krecinski, can you hear me?
That's enough, Krecinski! Game over!
Come out with your hands up.
Don't do anything foolish!
We've got the whole area surrounded.
How could it be surrounded?
It's just us here.
Are you stupid?
How would he know that?
Don't look now but
There's an alpaca behind you.
An alpaca?
Impossible!
It's not even in its natural habitat.
Let's just ignore it; maybe it'll leave.
- Is there anyone else in there?
- Yes.
Listen, Krecinski, is this alpaca yours?
Is it violent?
What alpaca?
The male!
Look, that's him! And the other one
is his friend who came to do the switch.
He took my money and
sold me ordinary glass.
Mr. Barbras you here?
Here's the diamond.
It was
a mistake.
No! No!
Whose alpaca is this?
No one's, man!
This alpaca belongs to the streets.
Will you
ever forgive me?
For putting you through all this?
Lidocika!
Yes!
Will you forgive me?
For not believing you and
sending you away?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Thank you so much!
But you see?
In life, you must follow your heart.
You're free to go. Someone has
covered the cost, paid for the diamond.
Who?
Why?
Why did you do it?
Because I can't bear to see anyone suffer.
Do you think I don't know
what suffering is, Mr. Krecinski?
My whole life, I've been mocked,
and everyone laughed at how I look.
That didn't make me bitter,
it made me stronger.
Being strong means being kind.
I know who I am.
And I
I thought maybe someone could love me.
It seems I was wrong.
Mr. Pufulete,
you mustn't give up.
You and Lidocika are meant for each other.
You are the definition
of "meant for each other".
Please forgive me.
The gambling fever twisted me to
the point where I trampled on everything.
I lied, I cheated.
But I've learned my lesson.
Thank you.
And believe me, Lidocika
will never hear of me again.
People like you, Mr. Pufulete,
are very rare.
And I'm not referring
to your physical appearance.
As a human being.
You're a saint.
I'm hungry!
Maybe we can find some sorrel around here.
I'm not hungry anymore.
I'm thirsty!
Will you calm down already?
I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, there's a pebble
in my shoe, I'm hot, are we there yet?
It's like I'm walking with children here.
We'll get to a town, and
we'll figure it out, we'll manage.
I just want to live a normal life,
to be a man amongst men,
after all, I didn't kill my mother.
What do you mean you didn't?
I've explained it many times!
It was an accident.
Sir, maybe it's time for us to find
Find what?
Work.
Listen, boy!
Never let me hear you say
that word ever again!
As long as we're together,
nothing bad
can happen to us.
I stepped in manure.
That's a sign of good luck.
What's the point of luck
if I don't have money to gamble?
Tell me, please,
your final destination.
Monte Carlo.
I had it in my hand!
And now what? How do we get back?
Back where? Can't you see
the opportunities we have here?
We can't leave!
One hundred thousands
lost in just a few hours.
That's an extraordinary performance.