Cat Person (2023) Movie Script
1
You will freeze as you
watch a warped scientist
when his bloody scalpel
probes the forbidden secrets
of a woman's flesh.
You will flame
at the stark ritual
of a beautiful girl's
last searing dance
as tragedy forever mars
her loveliness.
You will cringe
as the demented doctor
experiments with a girl's
trusting innocence.
A mad creature born
of the atomic age
now shackled to a world
of rotting bodies
and violent deaths.
A sadist, a criminal,
a depraved animal
more ferocious than Jekyll,
more monstrous
than Frankenstein,
more bloody than Dracula.
Um, I'll do a large
popcorn and Red Vines.
That's an unusual choice.
Thank you.
I don't think I've actually
ever seen someone buy Red Vines.
Okay.
I guess you're wondering
why we sell them, then,
if nobody buys them.
Thanks.
Forever closer
comes the She-Creature.
Hey. Where are you?
My room, obviously.
Taylor, did you even
go outside today?
Why would I do that?
No, I had to stay here
and moderate.
Which subreddit
is this again?
The Vagenda. Get back here.
Help me with this.
Okay. If I'm not back
in five minutes,
call campus security.
Haha. Bleak.
Being a girl is so fun. Bye.
Bye.
Hey, boy.
Hey.
You all alone?
Okay, okay.
Good boy.
I don't know.
We can try.
But you have to be
so good, okay?
Okay.
What do you think
you're doing?
Oh, hey, Laura.
How's it going?
It's about to start
pouring, so...
So let's just bring
some weird dog into the dorm?
He's not weird.
He's abandoned.
Look, he's, he's not
gonna bother anyone.
You know the rules, Margot.
No pets, ever.
Come on.
Thanks.
Please.
Help me.
Help me.
Help.
Help.
Hey.
Just making sure you didn't
sneak that dog back in.
And since I'm the founder
and moderator,
it's my job to protect
its integrity.
Right.
You don't want some dumb forum
that's just girls
discussing sex tips.
Right, since that's just
internalized misogyny,
and it's boring, and stupid.
Okay, but get this:
my co-moderator, LadyTalk,
suddenly chimes in,
citing a statistic
that 76% of women
are "into" dick pics.
Really? 76% sounds high.
First of all,
why would LadyTalk,
my co-moderator,
let's not forget,
even bring up
the dreaded dick pic
knowing how hard we've worked
to create a safe space?
And then I think to myself,
"What self-respected femme
even names herself LadyTalk?"
She's trying to be
ironically old-fashioned?
She's a guy.
You think LadyTalk is a guy?
Huh. So now what?
I'm gonna call his ass out.
Will you eat in the room
tonight with me
and help me with this?
I can't tonight.
I gotta work.
Just call in sick.
Margot, will you call in sick?
Well you are
such an easy evil
Such a sensuous sin
Sometimes I don't know
where I'm going
Till I've been
Taken in
Such an easy evil
Such a promise of fun...
S-sorry. You scared me.
Well, people choose
to be scared.
Did you see the queen?
She still has her wings.
That means
she's still a virgin.
Really?
Usually a girl
that popular is,
you know, active.
It's up to her to decide
when to copulate.
Maybe she doesn't
want to be rushed,
and the male
will have to obey.
She'll fly off and mate
with many partners.
A whole colony
for her pleasure.
I hope you don't mind
I opened this.
I saw the box
was from Tarquinia.
Oh, yeah,
generally I don't allow it,
but you're my favorite,
you know that.
These are very precious bones.
For example, what do you make
of this crack, hm?
Doesn't seem like
a natural fracture.
Mm-mm.
It's almost like
someone sawed it.
Do you think she was
offered up as a sacrifice?
The tomb of the wolves
was in the business of death,
torture, sacrifice,
and, of course, eroticism.
If all that happened to her,
hope she was reincarnated
as an ant.
Better yet, in a queen bee.
When the male
penetrates the queen,
he loses his penis.
In the act of pulling out,
he gets disemboweled and dies.
The act of copulation
is their doom.
Under his spell,
she was both herself
and another being,
the She-Creature
seeking life sustenance
from the stolen
heartbeats of others.
You came back.
I did.
Large popcorn
and, uh, Red Vines.
She was a woman
born to be loved,
and two men wanted her.
One, a man whose
powerful math mind
controlled her every reflex,
except her love.
The other willing
to fight any odds...
$9.50.
I know.
You're getting better
at your job.
Managed not
to insult me this time.
Well, I'm up
for promotion, so...
Enjoy the movie.
Thank you.
Such as few people
have known,
and only those
who see it can believe.
I don't really know
what I'm going for.
I know he's a killer.
And now you are traveling...
What's wrong?
You're a tough guy.
Go ahead and cream me.
Break my arm. See if I care.
I'm just gonna keep it
for a little while.
You're an ogre,
just like my father.
He won't let me stay out late
or play records or anything.
Your father won't
let you stay out late?
No, he's terrible.
Once, I was at a party,
and it didn't end till late.
He called the cops.
Can you imagine?
He had the whole
police force...
I was hoping you'd find me.
I know.
Where is it
that you live, Carol?
Over on Armana. Why?
Oh, no, uh-uh.
You thought I'd tell you
where I live?
Not me. Not ole Carol.
The night is young,
and I'm not hittin' the rack
till I get a little action.
I eat popcorn.
Everybody eats popcorn.
It tastes real nice.
Get yourself some now
at our refreshment stand.
Yum, yum.
It's time for a tasty
and refreshing snack.
Oh, hey.
So fun fact about
"American Graffiti."
Mackenzie Phillips was 12
when she made that film,
which probably violated
child labor laws,
but she is really funny
and, you know,
precocious for 12.
Yeah. Yeah, listen, uh...
Concession Stand Girl...
Why don't you give me
your number?
Boys and girls
Have a good time together
Boys and girls
You know they're birds
of a feather
Like two sides of a coin
They are forever joined
So he goes,
"My user name is LadyTalk,
but my real name
is James Madley,
and I joined the Vagenda
because I'm interested
in women's issues and being
a part of the solution."
Look at that, he owned it.
Are you defending
this troll?
Who says he's a troll?
And people lurk in forums
all the time with fake names,
BitchPerfect.
Yeah, but that's
clever and funny.
Ladies, final dress is...
Tonight!
I need you to help
us spread the good word
if you can.
That would be so helpful.
Thank you, babes.
- Sure.
Sure. Would love that.
Is that that guy
Robert again?
Wait, you never said
where he goes to school.
He's, like, 25.
I'm sure he just works.
25, but he's still, uh...
he's still cute, right?
Ish. He's, like, super tall.
But I like tall.
- You love tall.
And his eyes are nice.
They crinkle.
- Yeah, 'cause he's old.
What about the texting?
He got good banter?
It's good so far.
He's smart and funny,
and he has cats,
Yan and Mu.
He's at the vet
with them right now.
A caretaker.
God, Yan and Mu
are so hilarious.
How can cats be funny?
Well, I mean,
Robert's hilarious.
- Oh.
- Yeah, when he's talking
like them.
- Pause.
He does cat voices?
Oh, that is adorable and sexy.
Mrow!
Wait, you're setting clear
text boundaries, right?
- Oh, my God, Taylor.
- I'm dead serious.
Remember what we said?
I won't double text, okay?
- Don't double text, ever.
- I got it.
And let one text, at least,
go unanswered a day.
Okay, he needs to understand
that you're setting the rules
and he's lucky you're
acknowledging his existence.
I get it.
Thank you.
- Good.
Or you could just have
a good time with him.
I mean, Dave and I,
we barely knew each other
when we joined the Madrigals.
Hm, and look at you now,
you're a character
that doesn't even have
their own name.
You're just the Baker's Wife.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Uh, my character doesn't
have a name either.
I'm just the Baker.
At least you have a job.
My point is,
Dave and I were just real easy
about it when we first met,
and look at us.
We've been in love ever since.
We changed...
We're strangers...
I'm meeting you
in the woods.
Who minds.
What dangers.
I hope we'll get
past the woods!
Hey.
Uh, how's it going?
Good. You?
Uh, yeah, it was, like,
two miles from that...
that, uh, parking lot.
Told you it's far.
Yeah, it's-it's a trek.
Um...
So as promised...
Bamm-Bamm Fruity Pebbles?
Yeah, I had to go to two
different Krogers to, uh...
to find that,
and then the 7-Eleven for the...
the rest of the treasure.
That's so sweet.
So I'll hand this
off to you and...
Do you want to come in?
We can eat,
but only at this table.
You know, everything in here's,
like, 3,000 years old.
Yeah, it's very "Nosferatu."
Right?
Did you know
we did a vampire series
just last month
at the fourplex?
Yeah, yeah,
you included "Blacula."
Well, I didn't
include anything.
I just made the popcorn.
No, my point is,
"Blacula" doesn't belong
in the vampire category.
It belongs in blaxploitation.
Yeah, obviously,
and I did mention that
to the owners at the time.
Do you want...
Sure, yeah. Thanks.
You said you were starving,
so I got a bunch of...
Red Vines. Of course.
Ooh, I think
the Slurpee spilled a little.
Yeah, it's wild cherry.
Mm.
My favorite.
And this is...
It's a frog lighter
with a cigarette in its mouth.
So cute.
I don't smoke.
- Me either.
- Good.
Yeah.
Ow.
Stupid ant, bit me.
Dead.
Murdered.
- Yeah.
Must've escaped
from the colony.
The queen's the big one,
with the wings.
Oh, that's just storage.
What's this?
They're Etruscan artifacts.
- Etruscan artifacts?
- Yeah.
Pretty sure
they're just human bones.
They're both, from Tarquinia.
- Tarq...
- Italy.
Where they recently discovered
a non-funerary burial site.
Mm. Buried with no funeral.
Sacrificed.
Fucking dark, I know.
See this first skull?
It was probably a slave
who was decapitated.
Then just her body was buried
at the base
of the temple wall.
Her body meant
to provide support,
in a sacrificial annihilating
kind of support way.
Why did you shut the door?
I-I didn't.
It-it shut on its own.
Doors don't just shut.
No, I-I guess this one did.
It must've slipped from
the thing that was holding it.
I think it's locked.
Or...
I did it on purpose
because I'm actually...
a werewolf.
Good idea for a series
at the fourplex,
werewolf movies.
Yeah, and the filing cabinet
scene from "The Howling,"
that's about
to happen right now.
I just meant a door
doesn't just shut
or lock on its own.
You sure you didn't close it?
Here, can I...
Hold still.
Don't make this hard.
Hey, hey.
Just... just take it easy.
No, get off me!
Just let me, okay?
Seventeen years
I nurtured this colony.
I know, and I'm so sorry.
Here, here is the queen,
dead.
Dead, whoever you are.
Sorry, uh, Robert,
this is Dr. Zaballa.
Dr. Z, this is Robert.
I was...
I was just stopping by, uh,
but I'm... I'm so sorry
about... about that colony.
That was a thing of beauty.
The worker ants, they fought
hard to defend the queen.
They're all females.
Right.
Oh, you know that?
Are you a myrmecologist?
- Myrmecology is...
- Is the study of ants, I know.
Um, I'm not, but I do...
I know a bit about them.
Then perhaps you know
that the males did nothing
to defend the queen,
but they dug their own grave,
haven't they, Robert?
Because a colony
without the queen will die.
I just wanted to say thank you
for the great snacks.
No problem.
So my fall break
starts tomorrow,
so I'm gonna go back
home for a while.
I hope you'll text me.
Will you?
I...
Look, it wasn't you
that made me react
like that, okay?
I'm really sorry.
And...
I hope tonight doesn't count
as a first date.
Oh, we don't have to count it.
Let's not count it.
Hot washcloths on the bites,
to stop the itching.
Don't use ice, okay?
Okay.
Have a safe trip back
home, and, uh...
I'll see you soon, sweetheart.
There's a world
where I can go
And tell my secrets to
In my room
In my room
In this world, I lock out
All my worries
And my fears
In my room
In my room
No, Kelly, that's impossible.
We'll definitely need to set up
a serving station in the garage.
But, but, but where's
the ice sculpture going?
That's supposed
to be a surprise,
and it's not like
you can just hide
300 pounds of decorative ice.
Before-- Before we get
too in a fluff here, Kelly,
why don't we just
take a deep breath?
Do not tell me
to breathe, Todd, please.
Margot, you...
you have been on that phone
since you got here.
Who are you texting?
Oh, is it a boy?
Oh, she's finally
not being so picky
and she likes a boy.
- Kelly, can we just...
I will breathe tomorrow
in yoga class, okay?
Oh, birthday boy,
close your ears, honey.
Oh, let's can
the cutesy stuff, okay?
Okay. Honey, um,
could you just
help us out by moving
your car out of the garage?
- No, it's charging.
Okay, well, there must be
another plug someplace, honey.
We have 200 guests
arriving here--
In six hours, and the guys
are coming to get me,
and we're going to the Y.
The Y?
Are you on that damn
phone again?
She's texting a boy.
What's his name?
- Robert.
- Robert.
Mm-hmm.
His name is Robert.
My first affair was with
a sous-chef named Robert.
You're having an affair?
Could we please focus
on the hundreds of guests
that are arriving
here any minute?
In six hours.
You are not old enough
to have an affair.
Okay, can we all just
stop saying "affair"?
It's not even what this is...
yet.
And Robert is a very
interesting man.
Oh, a man.
So he's older?
Maybe he's mature.
Or maybe he's not.
In fact, Robert and I
might even move in together.
We'll have a sweet little home
where people will want
to come over and hang out
'cause it's so warm
and inviting and nonintrusive.
Okay, you're texting a man
that you're gonna live with.
I want to talk to this Robert.
Hey, Ernie, honey,
could you give us that little,
um, card that you wave
to start the car?
Kelly, honey,
this is my birthday.
Stop hammering me
about the damn car.
Oh, about tonight,
I don't want any reference
to which birthday this is,
okay, no announcement
about the fact
that I got one foot in the box.
You've got 300 pounds of ice
in the shape
of a six and a zero.
Let it melt.
Why not?
It'll make him so happy.
Because I don't
want to sing tonight,
and it's a dumb song.
Dumb?
Marilyn Monroe sang this song.
Yeah, well, things have
changed a little
since Marilyn's day.
- Oh, you know, don't make--
don't make me tired.
I-I read.
I talk to the girls at the gym.
Yeah, things have changed
on the surface,
which means they haven't
really changed at all.
That's something that girls
your age don't understand.
Oh, my God. Here we go.
"Girls my age."
- Yes, girls your age.
I don't know,
you're so self-involved.
You're so entitled.
I mean, is it,
is it your birthday,
or is it Ernie's birthday?
- Are you serious?
I just said I didn't want
to sing the song.
It's weird.
It's uncomfortable.
Oh, well, you know what?
Things aren't always
100% comfortable.
Get over it.
And you know what?
If you, if you want
to get along with a man
and not be alone
your whole entire life
and build a relationship
that actually lasts,
make peace with a little
discomfort now and then,
a little compromise, okay?
I wish, I wish I had known that
the first time around,
with your father.
- Mom.
- He thought he wasn't
my number one,
and there's a few things
I should've done
to let him know.
Mom, it's not
your fault he left.
It isn't.
You know, I get it.
If you don't want to sing,
we won't sing.
While tearing off
a game of golf
I may make a play
for the caddy
Ah.
But when I do,
I don't follow through
'Cause my heart
belongs to Daddy
If she invites
a boy some night
To dine on my fine
finnan haddie
Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!
She just adores
his asking for more
But her heart
belongs to Daddy
Yes, my heart
belongs to Daddy
So I simply
couldn't be bad
Yes, my heart
belongs to Daddy
Da-da-da, da-da-da,
da-dah
Yeah!
Da-da-da, da-da-da
Da-da-dah
What's happening?
Is there an Amber Alert?
Who's texting?
That would be Robert.
Robert? All right.
I'm listening.
- He's great.
I mean, we haven't
gone on an official date
or anything yet, but...
I think I really like him.
Good.
Well, he's got to go
through me first, so...
- So?
- Hm?
What about you?
Anyone special?
- Um...
- Any... any guys?
Oh, yeah, right,
last time we talked,
I was exploring sex with men.
Um...
- You're not still?
Uh, what I've realized,
actually, is...
I'm an ace...
Uh, which is what
asexuals call themselves.
Do you remember
when we were together
just how, like,
out of my body I was,
how I could never really,
like, enjoy sex?
So I thought I must be gay,
and so then I tried that,
and then that was just,
like, even weirder.
Like, all of this, like,
bizarre pressure to,
like, perform and to,
like, be this, like,
sexual Tarzan or something,
and it felt awful.
So then I looked it up,
and it turns out
that being asexual is,
like, a real thing,
and since then,
I've just felt this relief
because I finally don't have
to pretend to like sex anymore.
Is-is that okay for me to say?
- Oh, my God, yeah, of course.
- Okay.
Of course. I...
But it's not like it was
because of, like, you.
If you'd been the hottest
girl in the world,
I would've still been, like...
And-and not that you're not.
Not that you're--
- Okay.
- Because you are.
- Clay, I get it.
Okay.
Stop looking mortified.
Ooh
And where do we go from here
Which is the way
that's clear
Still looking for
that blue jean baby queen
Prettiest girl I ever seen
See her shake
on the movie screen
Jimmy Dean
'Cause I wanna get
the workers' comp.
You'd do it too,
you crazy son of a b--
Mikey, why don't I hear you
shucking oysters? Come on.
I'm not saying
he's avoiding me.
He still texts every day,
says good morning, good night.
Oh, maybe he's a doorman.
What's weird, though, is,
whenever I hint
about getting together again--
Seriously? The buzzer?
Somebody's got to stop you.
You know, I could really
use some support here.
I'm trying to figure out
what's going on with this guy.
I'm worried he misinterpreted
a text I sent.
Text you sent?
What does that mean?
No. A pic?
No. What...
Tit, ass, pussy?
What?
- No, of course not.
Look, it doesn't matter
what the text was, okay?
I just don't want
to play games with him.
Right, so you'd just rather
expose your vulnerable soul
to a fucking bearded giant?
Seriously, this is me
being supportive.
He holds all the cards
right now, so please,
Margot, for the love of women,
just take back your cards.
I know it's him.
- Actually, no.
It's my mom,
worried I don't have
enough down in my
winter coat, bizarrely.
The woman's insane.
That's where I work,
And "Star Wars" is boring!
Hey.
- Hey.
Let's do this.
We're doing it. Um...
So...
when was the last time
you saw "Empire Strikes Back"?
June.
Of this year?
Wow.
So you've seen it a lot.
The only movie I've seen
that often is "Spirited Away."
Do you know it?
Yeah, I know the director,
but I haven't, haven't seen it.
I'm not gonna murder you.
Why would you say that?
It was a joke.
I know it was a joke.
And hey, you can murder me
if you want.
Good to know.
Here.
And, Chewie?
I think we ought to replace
the negative power coupling.
Oh, no. I--
Right. Right.
Hey, Your Worship,
I'm only trying to help.
I'd forgotten
so much of this movie.
You'll remember if you watch.
- So difficult sometimes.
- I do. I really do.
You could be a little
nicer, though.
Come on, admit it. Sometimes
you think I'm all right.
Occasionally, maybe.
I was completely
obsessed with Leia's
side buns when I was a kid.
Scoundrel?
Scoundrel?
I like the sound of that.
Stop that.
Stop what?
Stop that.
My hands are dirty.
My hands are dirty too.
What are you afraid of?
Afraid?
You're trembling.
I'm not trembling.
You like me
because I'm a scoundrel.
There are no scoundrels
in your life.
I happen to like nice men.
I'm a nice man.
No, you're not. You're--
Sir, sir, I've isolated
the reverse power flux
coupling!
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Oh, you're perfectly
welcome, sir.
So, uh, do you want
to get a drink or...
We could get a drink, I guess.
If you want.
What's up?
Nothing.
Just tired.
I'm sorry. I g...
Yeah, I guess you hated it.
It's the first romantic movie
I ever saw, so I-I figured...
It was about sharing,
it was about sharing
something with her that I love
that's romantic because...
Because your feelings
for her are romantic.
Margot is bright.
Margot is sophisticated.
She knows about movies.
She goes for the subtitled
stuff, like Japanese films.
Maybe she's just
smarter than me.
And that's intimidating.
You don't have to apologize
for the movie.
There were lots of great
moments in it,
like, uh, when Leia says
"I love you" and Han says...
- "I know."
- Yeah.
Classic, right?
- "Hahn. Hahn."
- "Hahn?"
- You said "Haan."
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
Um...
Yeah, I love that.
It was a good idea,
and a drink
is an even better idea.
Okay.
Now we're talking.
So where do,
where do you like to go?
I like Sonny's.
Sonny's, the student ghetto?
I'll take you someplace better.
Yummy, yummy, yummy
I got love in my tummy
And I feel
like loving you...
They make a mean whiskey sour.
Yup, you're good.
We don't have to wait in line.
The guy knows me.
- Yup, you're good.
- Hey, uh, I don't think--
- Hey, man. Hey.
- Hey, man.
- Good to see you. Yeah.
- How are you?
Uh, excuse me,
I just need to see your ID.
- Uh, I'm with him.
- Oh, yeah. She's with me.
- I just--
- Thanks. Thanks, man.
Yeah. I just need to see
your ID, please.
I love it so
Uh, excuse me.
Sweeter than sugar
Yeah, no.
I won't let you go
You're good.
Can you just hold on one second?
Yummy, yummy, yummy
I got love...
Robert?
Robert.
'Scuse me. Dude.
The lovin'
that you're givin'
Is what keeps me livin'
Hey.
Hey.
- This is so embarrassing.
What?
Wait.
How old are you?
20?
I thought you said
you were older.
I told you I was a sophomore.
No, you told me that you did,
like, a gap year, so...
What the fuck?
Look, I'm 20, okay?
I'm sorry.
Honey...
Don't, don't be sorry.
I'm the one that's sorry.
You must think
I'm such an idiot,
crying 'cause
I didn't get into a bar.
No, no, no, no.
No.
No, I don't think that at all.
I must look awful.
There was something
about that cool,
crisp autumnal air
and the tears
rolling down her cheeks.
She was just so open
and so vulnerable
and so incredibly sexy.
She had never looked
so beautiful.
What you were discovering
in that moment
was the depth of your longing.
Oh, 100%.
Tell me about the kiss.
I know this is your
hour and I'm crashing...
Go on.
I can handle it.
- It was a terrible kiss.
To be honest,
it's hard to believe
a grown man could be
this bad at kissing.
But at the same time,
I suddenly felt a tenderness,
I guess you'd call it.
I mean, here he is,
older than me,
and yet already,
I know so much more
about kissing than he does.
Hey, hey.
- Hey. No, I'm sorry.
- Easy.
Hm.
But what was that
a tenderness, Margot?
Or was that sensation a shift
in the power dynamics
between you two,
a shift that wound up
in your favor?
Let's get out of here.
I really love it
when you tell me to stop
Oh, it's turning me on
Here you go, sweetheart.
Cheers, to you.
Me?
Well, yeah, I almost
ruined another evening,
but you, yet again, saved us.
Okay, to me. I'll take it.
I just wish making a mess
of things
was considered a superpower.
Then I could star
in my own superhero movie.
Yeah, maybe we should call you
Homo "Ha-bee-lees" Girl.
Homo Habilis? Nice.
Homo "Ha-bill-iss."
I knew that.
I definitely knew that.
I can read a human
evolution chart.
You had one in your lab.
So, uh, what's your
kryptonite, then,
Homo Habilis Girl?
Well, Homo habilis
was the main diet
of large predatory animals.
Ouch.
Ah, well, I don't think
there are any superheroes
whose weakness is being
somebody's dinner.
Good. I like to think
I'm original.
To Homo Habilis Girl,
an original.
I'm not saying I will
have sex with him.
I'm just saying if I did,
I think he'd really
like it, because--
Okay, this is gonna
sound kind of bad,
but I think he may not be
all that experienced.
Dude, you're drunk.
Okay, I'm not drunk.
I've had two beers.
Three, max.
Wait, he's a terrible kisser.
Why are we even having
this conversation?
Because, okay,
maybe the sex
will be like the kiss,
you know, clumsy and sort of...
Mauling.
You can hear yourself
now, right?
But on the other hand,
I think he'd be...
Oh, someone's happy.
Grateful.
Margot.
I know that sounds
really bad, but...
I... Yeah, I-I think
he would like it.
Listen to me.
Call Lyft now.
Yeah.
Maybe I should just go.
Yes, thank you.
That is your smart
brain talking.
Just take a deep breath,
go back out there,
and call it a night.
Okay.
Bye.
And the emptiness
And the hopelessness
Are fine
Because sometimes...
Hey.
Want to get out of here?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
You were mine
I wouldn't know
Where to start
If you ever were to ask me
If I ever came to see
So is this why
You're proposing to me
Don't--
The front seat to young Peru
To sit in fear...
Well, here it is, my house.
It's great.
Yeah, yeah, it's okay.
Uh, just give me one sec.
You notice
It's cute.
If only you dare
I've got to stop
this obsession
I've got to stay...
I've never dated
a guy with a house,
not dated.
Uh, you know, someone with whom
I'm going on a date.
Sorry, I couldn't hear you.
Uh, you sure do
like Harrison Ford.
Well, yeah.
If you're old-school,
Harrison Ford
is the perfect degree of cool.
As opposed to?
Have you even seen
an Indiana Jones movie?
- Yeah.
- No, you haven't.
What... Name an Indiana Jones
movie right now.
Um...
Three, two, one--
"Shrine of Doom."
Shrine? Wow.
- I--
- That's ridiculous.
All right, you...
you got a lot to learn, kiddo.
I'm gonna grab us,
uh, a beverage.
Where are your cats?
It's "Temple."
Okay.
Stay a while.
Mm.
Oh, my God, you're so sexy.
Want to go to the bedroom?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey.
Do we want to do this?
We did, before.
So tell him
we've changed our mind.
It was our idea to come here.
We made a mistake.
We can still fix it.
And what will we say
that won't be...
messy and hurtful and awful?
We tell him the truth.
We should be allowed to do that.
It's just easier
to get it over with.
Painful to me,
pierce right through me
Oh, my little girl
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Sorry.
Words are very
unnecessary...
Look, he was sweet
when he kissed our forehead.
So?
So let's think of that.
There.
Wait. I got it.
Is it all right
if I take this off?
Okay. Okay.
Yeah.
You do it.
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
See? He's grateful.
And that's the part
of this that's,
you know, good.
I'm sorry, which part
of this is good?
Like, how much he wants us.
How he's looking at us.
You know, he...
He's clearly overwhelmed
by how young
and pretty we are,
by our smooth skin,
our perfect breasts.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, I'm not saying it
in a bragging way.
I'm just saying, you know,
look how much he wants us.
He's probably never
wanted a girl this much
in his whole life.
Although that noise
is getting really annoying.
Do you think we can
ask him to stop?
Oh, so now you're ready
to be honest?
Wait, could I--
Can you turn over?
Okay.
I'm taking these off.
Is here in my arms
Okay. Oh, fuck.
Okay.
What?
Did I hurt you?
It's too strong?
- A little.
- Yeah.
Wait.
I'm sorry, have...
Have you ever... done this?
Done what?
Have you ever
done this before?
I'm sorry, can you imagine
if this was our first time?
Like...
I didn't... I didn't know.
That's why I asked.
No, no, it...
it was nice of you to ask.
I have had sex, though.
But I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have laughed.
No, you don't
have to apologize.
I guess I'm just
nervous or something.
Anyone but you
You're nervous?
You don't have to be nervous.
Are the stars...
Just take it slow.
Oh, God, anything but slow.
Dude, you just told him
you were nervous.
How did you think
he was gonna respond?
God, I don't know what--
Yeah.
Oh, he...
Okay, he's not giving up.
Yeah. Mm.
Like, definitely not giving up.
Mm.
Oh, shit, that's so good.
Okay. Lay back.
Oh, God,
now he's getting a condom.
- Fuck, where is it?
- Mom will be happy.
I don't want to think
about Mom right now.
Yeah, because you know
you shouldn't be doing this.
It's not what you want.
Say, "I have changed my mind."
I want
to fuck you so bad.
You want to fuck me?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, shit.
Oh. Oh.
Oh, you like that?
You like that, College Girl?
I always wanted to fuck
a girl with nice tits.
Oh, my God, how much porn
does this guy watch?
Say it.
Turn over.
- Ow!
Jesus.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- It's fine. It's fine.
- Sorry.
Okay.
Oh, yeah, you make my dick
so fucking hard.
- Okay.
- Oh, yeah!
You see the bind we're in.
My dick's so hard.
We're in a strange house
with a guy we don't know.
There's no one
within hearing distance.
I mean, who knows what he could
do if I really piss him off?
If you think this guy
could hurt you,
then why are you here?
Come here.
I mean, is this supposed
to be for your benefit?
Oh, God, shut the fuck up.
Okay. There we go.
There we go.
Oh, yeah.
- Stars.
That's nice.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Just tilt. Tilt. Yeah.
How's that? There we go.
That a girl. That's it.
No, I know.
It's pretty bad.
Yeah.
You're right.
This needs to be over.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God, yeah!
Uh!
- You want me to come?
Yeah, so fucking bad,
come on, come for me.
- I'm gonna. I'm gonna.
- Mm.
Oh, yeah? Ah!
Ah, I'm gonna come too.
Oh, shit. Oh.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh. Oh.
Oh, good girl.
Oh, my God.
Fuck.
Wow.
This is the worst
life decision I've ever made.
Well, what do you
want to do now?
Want to watch a movie?
I must have something
Actually, I think I have
a bootleg "Working Girl"
from Belgium with English--
Sorry.
It's okay.
How old are you?
33?
Yeah, is that...
is that a problem?
No, it's not a problem.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, I was gonna--
I was gonna tell you,
but I wasn't sure
how you'd take it.
Okay.
To tell you the truth,
I was actually really worried
when you went home...
You know, for break...
Because...
I kind of thought
that we were together--
I mean, I know it
was mostly text,
but I thought that we were
starting something, and then,
well, I guessed that you were
committed to me
or not commit-- But, like,
a little committed to me.
And so...
you went home,
and then this weird loop
kept playing in my head
that was like,
a girl as pretty as Margot,
she definitely went out
with some stud boyfriend
in high school,
and I kept thinking,
she's definitely gonna
hook up with this guy,
despite what's happening
between us,
and then you sent that--
that photo of your breasts,
and then you said
it was a mistake,
and I thought,
that's definitely for that
fucking total douche boyfriend,
and, you know,
you're probably considering
fucking him if you weren't
already fucking him.
And now I know that was...
obviously wrong, and I should've
just trusted you.
My former boyfriend
is asexual now,
as in doesn't want to have sex
with anyone ever again.
- Well, that's--
that's good to know, because I--
I think we're really
good together.
I mean, I had a good
time tonight.
Didn't you?
Yeah, I did.
- Yeah.
- Um, but I should...
probably go now.
N-no.
No, you got to stay over.
- I can't.
No, I'll make you scrambled
eggs in the morning.
Thank you, but, um,
my roommate will be worried.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Right. Got to get
back to that dorm.
Yep, 'cause that's...
that's where I live.
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Answer me!
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me? Why?!
Here I am.
Hey.
Glad we got to go on our date.
Guess that was our date.
Okay.
Oh, God.
So... how was it?
Great, if you like a guy
that spends ten hours
a day on YouPorn.
So what was his go-to move,
the reverse squatting cowgirl?
Don't make me relive it.
Or that awful hand thing
where their fingers are,
like, moving so fast
that your vagina
starts to smoke?
- What is that?
Right now, I just have to
figure out what I'm gonna do.
Block his number.
That's a little harsh,
and even if I did ghost him,
how long till he got the hint?
Maybe his messages
will keep coming forever.
Maybe they'll never end.
Were his cats at least cute?
I never saw them.
Like, never?
Uh-oh. That's...
That's not good.
It is weird, isn't it?
Why would he lie
about having cats?
Because liking cats makes
a guy seem nonthreatening,
harmless, sensitive, even.
He lied because that's how
he wants you to think he is.
Think about it.
He's hiding something.
So fucking not.
One of us has to die.
Hey, Robert, my workload has
become really overwhelming
since I added
Pre-Columbian Histories
to my already packed schedule,
so I really need to focus
on my studies right now.
It's actually quite serious,
because my parents
have threatened
to "turn off the tap,"
their words, unless I
keep up an A average.
Wait, I'm sorry,
have you had a stroke?
I know.
It's... it's too long.
I need to cut it.
Uh, yeah, you need to put us
all out of our misery
and just say,
"I'm not interested."
I can't say that, Taylor.
We had sex.
I have to say more.
- No, you don't.
- I do.
He's a nice guy,
sort of.
And what did he really
do that's so wrong
except be bad in bed
and maybe lie about having cats?
In a way, I kind of miss him.
Okay, my head
is gonna explode.
Not the real Robert, obviously,
but the guy I was texting
with when we first met.
I really liked that guy.
Yeah, it's easy to like
a text chain. It's not real.
Hey, I never opened
the video he sent me.
Great, now's your chance
to delete it.
You're trembling.
I'm not trembling.
It's sort of sweet.
It was the first movie
we saw together.
It's the only movie
you saw together.
He was really into this scene.
I happen to like nice men.
Leia's rocking
that mono-braid,
but my favorite
was always the side buns.
That's exactly what I said,
not that Robert
was remotely interested.
Oh, wait, there's more.
Wow. It's a montage.
- "Blade Runner"?
- Yeah, classic scene.
Rachael tries to run,
Deckard throws her
against the blinds,
forces her to say, "Kiss me,"
and then shoves
his mouth on hers,
and then she falls in love.
Jesus.
"Last Crusade,"
Indiana berates Elsa,
forces himself on her,
and then she says,
"How dare you kiss me?"
And then, of course,
she kisses him.
I guess this is just
Robert's idea of romance.
Taylor!
No. Taylor!
No, come on, Taylor,
this isn't funny!
Taylor, I'm so serious
right now.
I'm really, really, really,
really, really serious, Taylor!
You're welcome.
Oh, my God.
He's gonna read that.
It won't kill him.
You okay? What do you need?
I think I have a vape.
What are you doing?
We don't vape.
You're right, we don't.
You're sure you're okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Oh, my God.
You did this. You read it.
Okay.
Uh, okay.
"Okay, Margot.
I'm sorry you don't want
to see me anymore.
I hope I didn't do
anything to upset you.
You're a sweet girl,
and I really did enjoy
the time we spent together.
Let me know if you
change your mind."
That's it.
Margot, it's over.
Oh, my God, thank God.
You handled this well.
You're a good girl.
I'm sorry. Nope, sorry.
It's too soon. You're right.
Happy birthday
to you! Hey!
Happy birthday to you! Hey!
Happy birthday, dear Beth.
Happy birthday
to you.
I miss my bedroom.
- This is fun.
- Is it?
And look, there's no costumes
or mime makeup this year.
I could be a mime.
I'm trapped at a party.
Look, if you want
to go, just leave.
I heard that. No, no, no.
No one is leaving.
Dave's still setting up...
... the karaoke room!
Get ready.
- Taylor, what do you think?
You, me,
"The Confrontation"
from "Les Mis"?
We could sing it.
And you're shaking your head no.
- No.
- I di... Never mind.
Speaking of confrontations, though...
Taylor, why don't
you tell everybody
what you've been up to
with your forum thing?
Taylor has been weeding
out masked men
on her subreddit, the Vagenda.
Wait, wait, wait.
What's a masked man?
Ugh, James Madley.
Wait, did I tell you
that he started
this new subreddit
that he's calling, wait...
wait for it... Man Feminist.
James Madley? I know him.
He's a super chill guy.
He's in my comp lit.
And he's a Lyft driver.
Yeah, is he the orange car
that's always parked
outside the North Gate?
- The North Gate.
Well, that's kind of cute,
actually, isn't it?
You know, guys talking about
feminism with other guys?
- Mm.
- It's progress.
Is it, or is that
just blind dudes
leading even more blind dudes?
You should be a guest
moderator on his sub.
Yeah, and then they'd at least
have one female voice in there.
- Yeah.
- Progress.
Yeah, no, that's a great idea.
Let's just reward him for lying.
Really good idea, guys.
What?
- Okay, well,
if it's gonna be a mud fight,
I'm gonna need more booze.
- Yes, please.
- I'll come.
- You want one?
Yes, please. Yep.
Double shot. Thank you!
Yes, happy birthday.
The bar's that way.
It's him.
What? It's who?
Oh, my God, he really is old.
- No, don't look!
- Who? Him?
- Where?
- Don't look.
Oh, it's the guy at the theater.
Yeah, yeah, I told you about
that whole debacle, remember?
- Right.
- I don't know if he saw me.
Yeah, guy who said he had
cats and didn't have cats...
- Yeah.
- In the end.
- Look, I'm just gonna go.
- No, we'll all...
We're all gonna go, come on.
Come on, guys. Get up. Yes.
Come on, let's surround her.
Everyone just be subtle
and normal.
What?
Which one is he?
He saw me.
Ugh, this is just him
pissing on a lamppost.
Ignore it.
This is so bad.
Margot, this is not
your fault.
It's Britney, bitch
I see you
And I just want
to dance with you
Every time they turn
the lights down
Just want to go that
extra mile for you
Your public display
of affection
And the unstoppable Danga
Ah, you gonna have
to remove me
'Cause I ain't going nowhere
Mo-mo-mo-mo more
Shit.
And this was last night
after he sent the text
where he called you a whore?
Yeah, the text was last night,
and then tonight he harassed me
when he waited for me outside.
He waited?
I thought he drove off.
After standing there
for ten minutes.
Did he approach you?
Not physically,
but he could see me.
Actually, I'm not sure if he
could see me through the doors,
but he knows my hours, so...
You're gonna say he didn't
break the law.
- He didn't break the law.
- Okay,
but I also don't want to be
the next episode
of "Homicide Hunter."
"Harassing predator
singles out young woman,
pursues her,
cops ignore her complaints,
until she's found in a trash bin
behind the local Kroger's."
Or the story goes,
"Average Joe likes young pussy,
gets frustrated when she doesn't
like him back,
drinks too much,
calls her a bad name,
drives to her work to try
to plead his case, chickens out,
then figures next time,
he'll pick a less hot girl."
But if Robert actually
does do something
to break the law
and you can prove it,
come find me.
Stop watching "Homicide Hunter."
Well, can't say
I'm surprised to find
two lovely ladies
like yourselves
in here looking for protection.
Oh, my God, Kelvin?
You need to shut
that shit down right now.
Yeah, I'm in no mood
to be hit on
while my life
might be in danger.
I'm sorry.
Don't apologize.
Uh, okay.
Um, how can I help you?
I need to keep someone
away from me.
- Mm-hmm.
- And if he doesn't stay away,
I need to be able
to defend myself.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right.
How about a stun gun?
- And that just zaps him?
- Yeah.
The Vipertek VTS-989,
what we got here,
it's our best seller.
Fully rechargeable.
- Mm, no, that's not gonna work.
She's at 4% with her
phone on a good day.
All righty.
We could keep it simple, then.
Two words: Smith & Wesson.
- A gun?
- A gun, gun?
Kelvin, when you
go home at night,
what planet is that?
Do you realize that you're
more likely to get shot
if you're carrying a gun,
with your own gun?
Look, ladies, I just want
to help you both feel safe.
How can I do that?
I just need to know
if I'm overreacting
or if there really is a guy
out there after me.
At least this way,
we're ready for anything.
God, this is so intense.
Are you sure a tracking device
is even legal?
Kelvin said it depends
on the state.
Oh, we're quoting Kelvin now?
Taylor, I have
to do something.
And if Robert is out there
planning to hurt me,
I have to be able to stop him,
and to stop him,
I have to know where he is
at all times.
Right, but that just means
that you have to get
that thing on his car.
Yeah.
I have to get this thing
on his car soon.
Party!
- Motherfucker!
- I know. A hot dog,
it's horrifying.
Cecilia is having
a You Are What You Eat Party.
You gotta come.
- And we even got you costumes.
You almost gave us
heart attacks.
Which is so fucking rude.
You just barge in here,
taking up every inch of space
with your loud, entitled voices
and your obnoxious,
meaty costumes?
I was gonna be an avocado.
Taylor, we're fine.
They're just inviting
us to a party.
Did they ask if we wanted
to be invited to a party?
We are.
We... We are now.
Uh, we could...
Yeah, if you want to come.
I'm sorry, we were just
in the middle of something.
What? Don't apologize to them.
Why are you always
apologizing to dudes?
- Relax.
Why do you have to make
everything into some epic
battle in your own mind?
It's exhausting.
Kyle and Lucas didn't
do anything wrong.
Clearly, this is a bad time.
So we'll be in the lounge if...
- Sorry.
- Yeah, sorry.
We'll knock next time.
What the fuck was that?
What is going on?
Why are you always
against me recently?
Nobody is against you.
God, that's all
I'm saying, okay?
Good.
Although I'm also saying
that sometimes you make it
really hard for me
to be for you.
Oh, really? Oh, well,
I'm always there for you, so...
- What? No, you're not.
- I am.
I just took you
to get weapons.
Okay, let's be honest
about what I really am to you.
A pair of ears.
A captive audience.
- Are you joking?
- No.
You're only there for me
when I agree with you.
Th... It's... Without me,
you're literally just, like,
floating around in some
YA fantasy novel.
Like, I ground you.
Do you understand that?
I'm always trying
to protect you,
because I understand
the real world, and you don't.
What, from your virtual cave?
Where no one has real names?
Where no one's a real person
because you're all too afraid
to actually step out?
Oh, right,
like how you stepped out?
How'd that go for you?
At least I tried to connect
with another human.
What do you ever do except hide?
Fuck you.
This is bullshit.
Good luck with your
Robert problem, Margot.
Can't wait for that call.
Why would I bother calling?
You'll be too busy posting.
Fuck.
I don't want to talk to you,
but I left my charger
in your room.
Margot?
Oh, my God.
Hey. Hey. Who are you?
Hey.
What are you doing?
I know that dog.
Go. Go.
That dog was outside
my dorm weeks ago.
You've been following me.
I don't... I...
What is that?
What is that in your hand?
What is that in your hand?
Give it to me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We need to go to the
Alphabet Streets immediately.
- Okay.
- There's this guy named Robert.
My friend is with him right now.
I-I don't know his address
or his last name,
but I just have a really bad
feeling about this, okay,
so we're just gonna
drive to the Alphabet Streets,
and we can start looking.
Okay, all right, all right, um,
all right, just breathe.
You might want to buckle up.
You know, my name's, uh...
my name's James, by the way.
Fuck.
What do I do? What do I do?
What the fuck
is the matter with you?
Why am I inside your house?
You were trying
to put a tracker on my car,
because apparently,
you want to see me in jail.
This is insane.
I'm just gonna go.
You're not gonna go.
You're not going anywhere,
not until I have a plan,
until I figure out
how to fix this total,
god-awful,
disastrous mess you put us in.
Everything is ruined now.
If I let you out of here
looking like that,
you're probably gonna get your
wish, and I'm gonna go to jail,
no matter what I say
about what happened here.
Everybody believes the woman.
- Trust me, they don't.
- Oh, no.
You want to see how much
of a liar you are?
"I told my parents this morning
they will meet you soon,"
with a... an emoji face
blowing a heart kiss.
"Break is boring. Good news,
we'll be in same
zip code again soon,"
with two thumbs up.
You remember sending that?
"Thank you for being
so kind last night.
You're my new favorite person."
"Today you were
my first text and my last.
Let's make this every day,"
with three questions marks
and a blushing face
with little hearts.
I went through all the texts;
there's 156 texts
that say, "I'm into you,
Robert. I like you, Robert."
Why'd you say those things?
Why did you say them
if you don't mean them?
And why'd you let me blubber on
like some lovesick asshole
when you obviously loathe me?
- I don't loathe you.
- Stop lying!
What about you?
You were stalking me.
I was stalking you?
What, a guy can't see a pretty
girl and want to meet her?
Okay, yeah, I...
So I followed you,
but only so I could
run into you.
Is that... is that a bad thing?
I mean, is that a bad thing?
I-I... Am I some kind of bad guy
'cause I just want to--
I want to fucking meet a girl?
I want to meet a girl in life
and not on a fucking app?
I don't want to meet them
through my screen?
Am I such a bad guy?
I'm sorry that
I found you attractive,
and maybe if you'd liked me,
like I thought you did,
you would've found that romantic
and not, you know,
not creepy, and it could've
been our story.
What?
The fucking origin story
that our best man
would've told at our wedding.
And by the way,
you had your eye on me, too,
at the movie theater,
didn't you?
Be honest!
Just say it! Say it! Say it!
Don't play games.
Don't play games
anymore with me.
You can't say shit,
you can't say a goddamn
truthful thing
in your fucking life.
Dumbass teenager.
You just fucking manipulated me.
I was honest.
At first.
But the night we spent here,
we just had such different experiences.
Wh-what do you mean?
You had a bad time?
What? What... What did I do?
I didn't fuck you well enough?
You should've told me that!
Tell me!
Well, when you were
texting me after,
I was just trying
to spare your feelings.
Fuck.
I'm being way too loud.
I'm being way
too loud right now.
This is... This is not a--
Ugh, my eyes.
Oh, your eyes? Well,
that's also your fault entirely.
Please, can I just have
some water for my eyes?
You need saline solution,
not water.
Oh, my God, you've had
girls mace you before?
Go on. Go on.
What, so this
is a regular thing?
I'm a nurse.
Not that you ever
bothered to ask.
I don't know, maybe Ambien
mixed with Klonopin,
and I just dose you,
and I drop you off on campus,
and... and you don't
remember how you got there,
and it'd be as if this whole
hideous nightmare
never happened.
That's your plan?
That is not a good plan.
Well, because there
is no good plan.
There is no good plan.
If you walk out of here
looking like that,
it's over for me, right?
I cannot trust you.
- Yes, you can.
No, I can't!
Look, why don't we
make a pact?
- A pact?
- Yeah.
You let me go...
You let me go, I never speak
a word of this to anyone,
and we... we both forget
we ever knew each other.
Ha.
- That could work.
- No. No. No.
Robert, look, if you drug me
like some super predator...
Oh, God.
...they will lock
you up for good.
Oh, my God. my eyes.
They're burning.
Can I please just have
some of that solution?
Please, please,
I'm in so much pain.
Don't fucking move.
911, what's your emergency?
Hello?
No--
Hello?
Fuck.
Stop. Stop.
Shut up! Shut up!
Get in here!
Get over here!
Come here. Stop.
Shut the fuck up. Shut up!
Shut the fuck up.
Shut up! Shut--
Fuck!
Get off me!
Enough!
Hey! Hey!
Come on.
Come on! Come on!
Help! God!
The drain.
Come in.
Margot! Come in.
Are you fucking crazy?
You got to trust me!
Come on.
Trust me! Come on!
Open it! Hey!
Robert!
Let me in!
Robert! Let me in!
Okay, turn off Adams
onto Buchanan.
Then go down Cleveland.
Okay, what we looking for?
Oh, my God, there's a fire.
Wait, drive toward the fire!
What? Seriously,
drive toward it?
Is your friend in there?
- I don't know. I don't know.
I don't even know
if this is the right house.
We didn't find anyone.
No, she hasn't responded to my
texts or calls or anything.
Did... did you check
everywhere?
It's good news
we didn't find her.
Hey, Taylor.
Why don't you let me
take you home?
I won't... I won't charge you.
I think you might
already know me.
I'm BitchPerfect.
It's nice to finally meet you.
Hey, Chief. We found
something in the basement.
Margot?
All right.
We got a pulse!
On both of 'em!
Come on, let's get 'em up.
She's up.
Oh, thank God.
Hi.
I-I'm gonna go get your mom.
Uh, she took a Valium,
and she's sleeping
in the lounge.
She's so stressed about this.
It's really not about
Kelly right now.
Look, I'm-I'm gonna be
right back. Your mom...
your mom is gonna
be so relieved.
You know,
and I'm relieved too, obviously.
Hi. You're okay.
I don't know why
you want to look at this.
Robert Holt is taillights now.
Okay, he's gone.
It's done. It's over.
He quit his job
at the hospital.
The woman at the desk
said he moved to the coast,
didn't leave any
forwarding information.
Who knows if that's true
or not, though?
Maybe he told her to say that
in case I came looking.
One of these days,
you're gonna have to tell me
what really happened that night.
Come on. We're late
for pickleball. Let's go.
Then,
out of the swamp's depths
again appears horrifying,
mysterious creatures.
You've seen it, right?
- Me?
- Yeah, you know how,
like, places have, like,
employee recommends
and stuff like that?
Do you recommend
"The Apartment"?
Embarrassingly,
I haven't seen it.
You haven't seen it?
It's, like, a classic.
I mean, you know, they told me
that if you don't see it,
they're gonna fire you,
but you...
I think they show
it two nights,
so you still have tomorrow.
Well, thank you.
- Yeah.
- I'll get on that.
- No, you should.
- Mm-hmm.
To gratify their
destructive desires.
Hey, Girl Who Should See
"The Apartment," um...
Why don't you give me
your number?
The hurt I hurt
is nothing like
The hurts I've hurt before
The things I feel
do not feel
Like things I've felt before
And the loneliness
and the emptiness
And the hopelessness
are fine
Because sometimes
my cloudy brain
Remembers for one moment
You were mine m
The pain that pains
is not the pain
That's pained
my heart before
The tears I tear
are not the tears
My eyes have teared before
And the loneliness
and the helplessness
And the uselessness are fine
Because sometimes
my cloudy brain
Remembers for one moment
You were mine
You will freeze as you
watch a warped scientist
when his bloody scalpel
probes the forbidden secrets
of a woman's flesh.
You will flame
at the stark ritual
of a beautiful girl's
last searing dance
as tragedy forever mars
her loveliness.
You will cringe
as the demented doctor
experiments with a girl's
trusting innocence.
A mad creature born
of the atomic age
now shackled to a world
of rotting bodies
and violent deaths.
A sadist, a criminal,
a depraved animal
more ferocious than Jekyll,
more monstrous
than Frankenstein,
more bloody than Dracula.
Um, I'll do a large
popcorn and Red Vines.
That's an unusual choice.
Thank you.
I don't think I've actually
ever seen someone buy Red Vines.
Okay.
I guess you're wondering
why we sell them, then,
if nobody buys them.
Thanks.
Forever closer
comes the She-Creature.
Hey. Where are you?
My room, obviously.
Taylor, did you even
go outside today?
Why would I do that?
No, I had to stay here
and moderate.
Which subreddit
is this again?
The Vagenda. Get back here.
Help me with this.
Okay. If I'm not back
in five minutes,
call campus security.
Haha. Bleak.
Being a girl is so fun. Bye.
Bye.
Hey, boy.
Hey.
You all alone?
Okay, okay.
Good boy.
I don't know.
We can try.
But you have to be
so good, okay?
Okay.
What do you think
you're doing?
Oh, hey, Laura.
How's it going?
It's about to start
pouring, so...
So let's just bring
some weird dog into the dorm?
He's not weird.
He's abandoned.
Look, he's, he's not
gonna bother anyone.
You know the rules, Margot.
No pets, ever.
Come on.
Thanks.
Please.
Help me.
Help me.
Help.
Help.
Hey.
Just making sure you didn't
sneak that dog back in.
And since I'm the founder
and moderator,
it's my job to protect
its integrity.
Right.
You don't want some dumb forum
that's just girls
discussing sex tips.
Right, since that's just
internalized misogyny,
and it's boring, and stupid.
Okay, but get this:
my co-moderator, LadyTalk,
suddenly chimes in,
citing a statistic
that 76% of women
are "into" dick pics.
Really? 76% sounds high.
First of all,
why would LadyTalk,
my co-moderator,
let's not forget,
even bring up
the dreaded dick pic
knowing how hard we've worked
to create a safe space?
And then I think to myself,
"What self-respected femme
even names herself LadyTalk?"
She's trying to be
ironically old-fashioned?
She's a guy.
You think LadyTalk is a guy?
Huh. So now what?
I'm gonna call his ass out.
Will you eat in the room
tonight with me
and help me with this?
I can't tonight.
I gotta work.
Just call in sick.
Margot, will you call in sick?
Well you are
such an easy evil
Such a sensuous sin
Sometimes I don't know
where I'm going
Till I've been
Taken in
Such an easy evil
Such a promise of fun...
S-sorry. You scared me.
Well, people choose
to be scared.
Did you see the queen?
She still has her wings.
That means
she's still a virgin.
Really?
Usually a girl
that popular is,
you know, active.
It's up to her to decide
when to copulate.
Maybe she doesn't
want to be rushed,
and the male
will have to obey.
She'll fly off and mate
with many partners.
A whole colony
for her pleasure.
I hope you don't mind
I opened this.
I saw the box
was from Tarquinia.
Oh, yeah,
generally I don't allow it,
but you're my favorite,
you know that.
These are very precious bones.
For example, what do you make
of this crack, hm?
Doesn't seem like
a natural fracture.
Mm-mm.
It's almost like
someone sawed it.
Do you think she was
offered up as a sacrifice?
The tomb of the wolves
was in the business of death,
torture, sacrifice,
and, of course, eroticism.
If all that happened to her,
hope she was reincarnated
as an ant.
Better yet, in a queen bee.
When the male
penetrates the queen,
he loses his penis.
In the act of pulling out,
he gets disemboweled and dies.
The act of copulation
is their doom.
Under his spell,
she was both herself
and another being,
the She-Creature
seeking life sustenance
from the stolen
heartbeats of others.
You came back.
I did.
Large popcorn
and, uh, Red Vines.
She was a woman
born to be loved,
and two men wanted her.
One, a man whose
powerful math mind
controlled her every reflex,
except her love.
The other willing
to fight any odds...
$9.50.
I know.
You're getting better
at your job.
Managed not
to insult me this time.
Well, I'm up
for promotion, so...
Enjoy the movie.
Thank you.
Such as few people
have known,
and only those
who see it can believe.
I don't really know
what I'm going for.
I know he's a killer.
And now you are traveling...
What's wrong?
You're a tough guy.
Go ahead and cream me.
Break my arm. See if I care.
I'm just gonna keep it
for a little while.
You're an ogre,
just like my father.
He won't let me stay out late
or play records or anything.
Your father won't
let you stay out late?
No, he's terrible.
Once, I was at a party,
and it didn't end till late.
He called the cops.
Can you imagine?
He had the whole
police force...
I was hoping you'd find me.
I know.
Where is it
that you live, Carol?
Over on Armana. Why?
Oh, no, uh-uh.
You thought I'd tell you
where I live?
Not me. Not ole Carol.
The night is young,
and I'm not hittin' the rack
till I get a little action.
I eat popcorn.
Everybody eats popcorn.
It tastes real nice.
Get yourself some now
at our refreshment stand.
Yum, yum.
It's time for a tasty
and refreshing snack.
Oh, hey.
So fun fact about
"American Graffiti."
Mackenzie Phillips was 12
when she made that film,
which probably violated
child labor laws,
but she is really funny
and, you know,
precocious for 12.
Yeah. Yeah, listen, uh...
Concession Stand Girl...
Why don't you give me
your number?
Boys and girls
Have a good time together
Boys and girls
You know they're birds
of a feather
Like two sides of a coin
They are forever joined
So he goes,
"My user name is LadyTalk,
but my real name
is James Madley,
and I joined the Vagenda
because I'm interested
in women's issues and being
a part of the solution."
Look at that, he owned it.
Are you defending
this troll?
Who says he's a troll?
And people lurk in forums
all the time with fake names,
BitchPerfect.
Yeah, but that's
clever and funny.
Ladies, final dress is...
Tonight!
I need you to help
us spread the good word
if you can.
That would be so helpful.
Thank you, babes.
- Sure.
Sure. Would love that.
Is that that guy
Robert again?
Wait, you never said
where he goes to school.
He's, like, 25.
I'm sure he just works.
25, but he's still, uh...
he's still cute, right?
Ish. He's, like, super tall.
But I like tall.
- You love tall.
And his eyes are nice.
They crinkle.
- Yeah, 'cause he's old.
What about the texting?
He got good banter?
It's good so far.
He's smart and funny,
and he has cats,
Yan and Mu.
He's at the vet
with them right now.
A caretaker.
God, Yan and Mu
are so hilarious.
How can cats be funny?
Well, I mean,
Robert's hilarious.
- Oh.
- Yeah, when he's talking
like them.
- Pause.
He does cat voices?
Oh, that is adorable and sexy.
Mrow!
Wait, you're setting clear
text boundaries, right?
- Oh, my God, Taylor.
- I'm dead serious.
Remember what we said?
I won't double text, okay?
- Don't double text, ever.
- I got it.
And let one text, at least,
go unanswered a day.
Okay, he needs to understand
that you're setting the rules
and he's lucky you're
acknowledging his existence.
I get it.
Thank you.
- Good.
Or you could just have
a good time with him.
I mean, Dave and I,
we barely knew each other
when we joined the Madrigals.
Hm, and look at you now,
you're a character
that doesn't even have
their own name.
You're just the Baker's Wife.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Uh, my character doesn't
have a name either.
I'm just the Baker.
At least you have a job.
My point is,
Dave and I were just real easy
about it when we first met,
and look at us.
We've been in love ever since.
We changed...
We're strangers...
I'm meeting you
in the woods.
Who minds.
What dangers.
I hope we'll get
past the woods!
Hey.
Uh, how's it going?
Good. You?
Uh, yeah, it was, like,
two miles from that...
that, uh, parking lot.
Told you it's far.
Yeah, it's-it's a trek.
Um...
So as promised...
Bamm-Bamm Fruity Pebbles?
Yeah, I had to go to two
different Krogers to, uh...
to find that,
and then the 7-Eleven for the...
the rest of the treasure.
That's so sweet.
So I'll hand this
off to you and...
Do you want to come in?
We can eat,
but only at this table.
You know, everything in here's,
like, 3,000 years old.
Yeah, it's very "Nosferatu."
Right?
Did you know
we did a vampire series
just last month
at the fourplex?
Yeah, yeah,
you included "Blacula."
Well, I didn't
include anything.
I just made the popcorn.
No, my point is,
"Blacula" doesn't belong
in the vampire category.
It belongs in blaxploitation.
Yeah, obviously,
and I did mention that
to the owners at the time.
Do you want...
Sure, yeah. Thanks.
You said you were starving,
so I got a bunch of...
Red Vines. Of course.
Ooh, I think
the Slurpee spilled a little.
Yeah, it's wild cherry.
Mm.
My favorite.
And this is...
It's a frog lighter
with a cigarette in its mouth.
So cute.
I don't smoke.
- Me either.
- Good.
Yeah.
Ow.
Stupid ant, bit me.
Dead.
Murdered.
- Yeah.
Must've escaped
from the colony.
The queen's the big one,
with the wings.
Oh, that's just storage.
What's this?
They're Etruscan artifacts.
- Etruscan artifacts?
- Yeah.
Pretty sure
they're just human bones.
They're both, from Tarquinia.
- Tarq...
- Italy.
Where they recently discovered
a non-funerary burial site.
Mm. Buried with no funeral.
Sacrificed.
Fucking dark, I know.
See this first skull?
It was probably a slave
who was decapitated.
Then just her body was buried
at the base
of the temple wall.
Her body meant
to provide support,
in a sacrificial annihilating
kind of support way.
Why did you shut the door?
I-I didn't.
It-it shut on its own.
Doors don't just shut.
No, I-I guess this one did.
It must've slipped from
the thing that was holding it.
I think it's locked.
Or...
I did it on purpose
because I'm actually...
a werewolf.
Good idea for a series
at the fourplex,
werewolf movies.
Yeah, and the filing cabinet
scene from "The Howling,"
that's about
to happen right now.
I just meant a door
doesn't just shut
or lock on its own.
You sure you didn't close it?
Here, can I...
Hold still.
Don't make this hard.
Hey, hey.
Just... just take it easy.
No, get off me!
Just let me, okay?
Seventeen years
I nurtured this colony.
I know, and I'm so sorry.
Here, here is the queen,
dead.
Dead, whoever you are.
Sorry, uh, Robert,
this is Dr. Zaballa.
Dr. Z, this is Robert.
I was...
I was just stopping by, uh,
but I'm... I'm so sorry
about... about that colony.
That was a thing of beauty.
The worker ants, they fought
hard to defend the queen.
They're all females.
Right.
Oh, you know that?
Are you a myrmecologist?
- Myrmecology is...
- Is the study of ants, I know.
Um, I'm not, but I do...
I know a bit about them.
Then perhaps you know
that the males did nothing
to defend the queen,
but they dug their own grave,
haven't they, Robert?
Because a colony
without the queen will die.
I just wanted to say thank you
for the great snacks.
No problem.
So my fall break
starts tomorrow,
so I'm gonna go back
home for a while.
I hope you'll text me.
Will you?
I...
Look, it wasn't you
that made me react
like that, okay?
I'm really sorry.
And...
I hope tonight doesn't count
as a first date.
Oh, we don't have to count it.
Let's not count it.
Hot washcloths on the bites,
to stop the itching.
Don't use ice, okay?
Okay.
Have a safe trip back
home, and, uh...
I'll see you soon, sweetheart.
There's a world
where I can go
And tell my secrets to
In my room
In my room
In this world, I lock out
All my worries
And my fears
In my room
In my room
No, Kelly, that's impossible.
We'll definitely need to set up
a serving station in the garage.
But, but, but where's
the ice sculpture going?
That's supposed
to be a surprise,
and it's not like
you can just hide
300 pounds of decorative ice.
Before-- Before we get
too in a fluff here, Kelly,
why don't we just
take a deep breath?
Do not tell me
to breathe, Todd, please.
Margot, you...
you have been on that phone
since you got here.
Who are you texting?
Oh, is it a boy?
Oh, she's finally
not being so picky
and she likes a boy.
- Kelly, can we just...
I will breathe tomorrow
in yoga class, okay?
Oh, birthday boy,
close your ears, honey.
Oh, let's can
the cutesy stuff, okay?
Okay. Honey, um,
could you just
help us out by moving
your car out of the garage?
- No, it's charging.
Okay, well, there must be
another plug someplace, honey.
We have 200 guests
arriving here--
In six hours, and the guys
are coming to get me,
and we're going to the Y.
The Y?
Are you on that damn
phone again?
She's texting a boy.
What's his name?
- Robert.
- Robert.
Mm-hmm.
His name is Robert.
My first affair was with
a sous-chef named Robert.
You're having an affair?
Could we please focus
on the hundreds of guests
that are arriving
here any minute?
In six hours.
You are not old enough
to have an affair.
Okay, can we all just
stop saying "affair"?
It's not even what this is...
yet.
And Robert is a very
interesting man.
Oh, a man.
So he's older?
Maybe he's mature.
Or maybe he's not.
In fact, Robert and I
might even move in together.
We'll have a sweet little home
where people will want
to come over and hang out
'cause it's so warm
and inviting and nonintrusive.
Okay, you're texting a man
that you're gonna live with.
I want to talk to this Robert.
Hey, Ernie, honey,
could you give us that little,
um, card that you wave
to start the car?
Kelly, honey,
this is my birthday.
Stop hammering me
about the damn car.
Oh, about tonight,
I don't want any reference
to which birthday this is,
okay, no announcement
about the fact
that I got one foot in the box.
You've got 300 pounds of ice
in the shape
of a six and a zero.
Let it melt.
Why not?
It'll make him so happy.
Because I don't
want to sing tonight,
and it's a dumb song.
Dumb?
Marilyn Monroe sang this song.
Yeah, well, things have
changed a little
since Marilyn's day.
- Oh, you know, don't make--
don't make me tired.
I-I read.
I talk to the girls at the gym.
Yeah, things have changed
on the surface,
which means they haven't
really changed at all.
That's something that girls
your age don't understand.
Oh, my God. Here we go.
"Girls my age."
- Yes, girls your age.
I don't know,
you're so self-involved.
You're so entitled.
I mean, is it,
is it your birthday,
or is it Ernie's birthday?
- Are you serious?
I just said I didn't want
to sing the song.
It's weird.
It's uncomfortable.
Oh, well, you know what?
Things aren't always
100% comfortable.
Get over it.
And you know what?
If you, if you want
to get along with a man
and not be alone
your whole entire life
and build a relationship
that actually lasts,
make peace with a little
discomfort now and then,
a little compromise, okay?
I wish, I wish I had known that
the first time around,
with your father.
- Mom.
- He thought he wasn't
my number one,
and there's a few things
I should've done
to let him know.
Mom, it's not
your fault he left.
It isn't.
You know, I get it.
If you don't want to sing,
we won't sing.
While tearing off
a game of golf
I may make a play
for the caddy
Ah.
But when I do,
I don't follow through
'Cause my heart
belongs to Daddy
If she invites
a boy some night
To dine on my fine
finnan haddie
Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!
She just adores
his asking for more
But her heart
belongs to Daddy
Yes, my heart
belongs to Daddy
So I simply
couldn't be bad
Yes, my heart
belongs to Daddy
Da-da-da, da-da-da,
da-dah
Yeah!
Da-da-da, da-da-da
Da-da-dah
What's happening?
Is there an Amber Alert?
Who's texting?
That would be Robert.
Robert? All right.
I'm listening.
- He's great.
I mean, we haven't
gone on an official date
or anything yet, but...
I think I really like him.
Good.
Well, he's got to go
through me first, so...
- So?
- Hm?
What about you?
Anyone special?
- Um...
- Any... any guys?
Oh, yeah, right,
last time we talked,
I was exploring sex with men.
Um...
- You're not still?
Uh, what I've realized,
actually, is...
I'm an ace...
Uh, which is what
asexuals call themselves.
Do you remember
when we were together
just how, like,
out of my body I was,
how I could never really,
like, enjoy sex?
So I thought I must be gay,
and so then I tried that,
and then that was just,
like, even weirder.
Like, all of this, like,
bizarre pressure to,
like, perform and to,
like, be this, like,
sexual Tarzan or something,
and it felt awful.
So then I looked it up,
and it turns out
that being asexual is,
like, a real thing,
and since then,
I've just felt this relief
because I finally don't have
to pretend to like sex anymore.
Is-is that okay for me to say?
- Oh, my God, yeah, of course.
- Okay.
Of course. I...
But it's not like it was
because of, like, you.
If you'd been the hottest
girl in the world,
I would've still been, like...
And-and not that you're not.
Not that you're--
- Okay.
- Because you are.
- Clay, I get it.
Okay.
Stop looking mortified.
Ooh
And where do we go from here
Which is the way
that's clear
Still looking for
that blue jean baby queen
Prettiest girl I ever seen
See her shake
on the movie screen
Jimmy Dean
'Cause I wanna get
the workers' comp.
You'd do it too,
you crazy son of a b--
Mikey, why don't I hear you
shucking oysters? Come on.
I'm not saying
he's avoiding me.
He still texts every day,
says good morning, good night.
Oh, maybe he's a doorman.
What's weird, though, is,
whenever I hint
about getting together again--
Seriously? The buzzer?
Somebody's got to stop you.
You know, I could really
use some support here.
I'm trying to figure out
what's going on with this guy.
I'm worried he misinterpreted
a text I sent.
Text you sent?
What does that mean?
No. A pic?
No. What...
Tit, ass, pussy?
What?
- No, of course not.
Look, it doesn't matter
what the text was, okay?
I just don't want
to play games with him.
Right, so you'd just rather
expose your vulnerable soul
to a fucking bearded giant?
Seriously, this is me
being supportive.
He holds all the cards
right now, so please,
Margot, for the love of women,
just take back your cards.
I know it's him.
- Actually, no.
It's my mom,
worried I don't have
enough down in my
winter coat, bizarrely.
The woman's insane.
That's where I work,
And "Star Wars" is boring!
Hey.
- Hey.
Let's do this.
We're doing it. Um...
So...
when was the last time
you saw "Empire Strikes Back"?
June.
Of this year?
Wow.
So you've seen it a lot.
The only movie I've seen
that often is "Spirited Away."
Do you know it?
Yeah, I know the director,
but I haven't, haven't seen it.
I'm not gonna murder you.
Why would you say that?
It was a joke.
I know it was a joke.
And hey, you can murder me
if you want.
Good to know.
Here.
And, Chewie?
I think we ought to replace
the negative power coupling.
Oh, no. I--
Right. Right.
Hey, Your Worship,
I'm only trying to help.
I'd forgotten
so much of this movie.
You'll remember if you watch.
- So difficult sometimes.
- I do. I really do.
You could be a little
nicer, though.
Come on, admit it. Sometimes
you think I'm all right.
Occasionally, maybe.
I was completely
obsessed with Leia's
side buns when I was a kid.
Scoundrel?
Scoundrel?
I like the sound of that.
Stop that.
Stop what?
Stop that.
My hands are dirty.
My hands are dirty too.
What are you afraid of?
Afraid?
You're trembling.
I'm not trembling.
You like me
because I'm a scoundrel.
There are no scoundrels
in your life.
I happen to like nice men.
I'm a nice man.
No, you're not. You're--
Sir, sir, I've isolated
the reverse power flux
coupling!
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Oh, you're perfectly
welcome, sir.
So, uh, do you want
to get a drink or...
We could get a drink, I guess.
If you want.
What's up?
Nothing.
Just tired.
I'm sorry. I g...
Yeah, I guess you hated it.
It's the first romantic movie
I ever saw, so I-I figured...
It was about sharing,
it was about sharing
something with her that I love
that's romantic because...
Because your feelings
for her are romantic.
Margot is bright.
Margot is sophisticated.
She knows about movies.
She goes for the subtitled
stuff, like Japanese films.
Maybe she's just
smarter than me.
And that's intimidating.
You don't have to apologize
for the movie.
There were lots of great
moments in it,
like, uh, when Leia says
"I love you" and Han says...
- "I know."
- Yeah.
Classic, right?
- "Hahn. Hahn."
- "Hahn?"
- You said "Haan."
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
Um...
Yeah, I love that.
It was a good idea,
and a drink
is an even better idea.
Okay.
Now we're talking.
So where do,
where do you like to go?
I like Sonny's.
Sonny's, the student ghetto?
I'll take you someplace better.
Yummy, yummy, yummy
I got love in my tummy
And I feel
like loving you...
They make a mean whiskey sour.
Yup, you're good.
We don't have to wait in line.
The guy knows me.
- Yup, you're good.
- Hey, uh, I don't think--
- Hey, man. Hey.
- Hey, man.
- Good to see you. Yeah.
- How are you?
Uh, excuse me,
I just need to see your ID.
- Uh, I'm with him.
- Oh, yeah. She's with me.
- I just--
- Thanks. Thanks, man.
Yeah. I just need to see
your ID, please.
I love it so
Uh, excuse me.
Sweeter than sugar
Yeah, no.
I won't let you go
You're good.
Can you just hold on one second?
Yummy, yummy, yummy
I got love...
Robert?
Robert.
'Scuse me. Dude.
The lovin'
that you're givin'
Is what keeps me livin'
Hey.
Hey.
- This is so embarrassing.
What?
Wait.
How old are you?
20?
I thought you said
you were older.
I told you I was a sophomore.
No, you told me that you did,
like, a gap year, so...
What the fuck?
Look, I'm 20, okay?
I'm sorry.
Honey...
Don't, don't be sorry.
I'm the one that's sorry.
You must think
I'm such an idiot,
crying 'cause
I didn't get into a bar.
No, no, no, no.
No.
No, I don't think that at all.
I must look awful.
There was something
about that cool,
crisp autumnal air
and the tears
rolling down her cheeks.
She was just so open
and so vulnerable
and so incredibly sexy.
She had never looked
so beautiful.
What you were discovering
in that moment
was the depth of your longing.
Oh, 100%.
Tell me about the kiss.
I know this is your
hour and I'm crashing...
Go on.
I can handle it.
- It was a terrible kiss.
To be honest,
it's hard to believe
a grown man could be
this bad at kissing.
But at the same time,
I suddenly felt a tenderness,
I guess you'd call it.
I mean, here he is,
older than me,
and yet already,
I know so much more
about kissing than he does.
Hey, hey.
- Hey. No, I'm sorry.
- Easy.
Hm.
But what was that
a tenderness, Margot?
Or was that sensation a shift
in the power dynamics
between you two,
a shift that wound up
in your favor?
Let's get out of here.
I really love it
when you tell me to stop
Oh, it's turning me on
Here you go, sweetheart.
Cheers, to you.
Me?
Well, yeah, I almost
ruined another evening,
but you, yet again, saved us.
Okay, to me. I'll take it.
I just wish making a mess
of things
was considered a superpower.
Then I could star
in my own superhero movie.
Yeah, maybe we should call you
Homo "Ha-bee-lees" Girl.
Homo Habilis? Nice.
Homo "Ha-bill-iss."
I knew that.
I definitely knew that.
I can read a human
evolution chart.
You had one in your lab.
So, uh, what's your
kryptonite, then,
Homo Habilis Girl?
Well, Homo habilis
was the main diet
of large predatory animals.
Ouch.
Ah, well, I don't think
there are any superheroes
whose weakness is being
somebody's dinner.
Good. I like to think
I'm original.
To Homo Habilis Girl,
an original.
I'm not saying I will
have sex with him.
I'm just saying if I did,
I think he'd really
like it, because--
Okay, this is gonna
sound kind of bad,
but I think he may not be
all that experienced.
Dude, you're drunk.
Okay, I'm not drunk.
I've had two beers.
Three, max.
Wait, he's a terrible kisser.
Why are we even having
this conversation?
Because, okay,
maybe the sex
will be like the kiss,
you know, clumsy and sort of...
Mauling.
You can hear yourself
now, right?
But on the other hand,
I think he'd be...
Oh, someone's happy.
Grateful.
Margot.
I know that sounds
really bad, but...
I... Yeah, I-I think
he would like it.
Listen to me.
Call Lyft now.
Yeah.
Maybe I should just go.
Yes, thank you.
That is your smart
brain talking.
Just take a deep breath,
go back out there,
and call it a night.
Okay.
Bye.
And the emptiness
And the hopelessness
Are fine
Because sometimes...
Hey.
Want to get out of here?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.
You were mine
I wouldn't know
Where to start
If you ever were to ask me
If I ever came to see
So is this why
You're proposing to me
Don't--
The front seat to young Peru
To sit in fear...
Well, here it is, my house.
It's great.
Yeah, yeah, it's okay.
Uh, just give me one sec.
You notice
It's cute.
If only you dare
I've got to stop
this obsession
I've got to stay...
I've never dated
a guy with a house,
not dated.
Uh, you know, someone with whom
I'm going on a date.
Sorry, I couldn't hear you.
Uh, you sure do
like Harrison Ford.
Well, yeah.
If you're old-school,
Harrison Ford
is the perfect degree of cool.
As opposed to?
Have you even seen
an Indiana Jones movie?
- Yeah.
- No, you haven't.
What... Name an Indiana Jones
movie right now.
Um...
Three, two, one--
"Shrine of Doom."
Shrine? Wow.
- I--
- That's ridiculous.
All right, you...
you got a lot to learn, kiddo.
I'm gonna grab us,
uh, a beverage.
Where are your cats?
It's "Temple."
Okay.
Stay a while.
Mm.
Oh, my God, you're so sexy.
Want to go to the bedroom?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey.
Do we want to do this?
We did, before.
So tell him
we've changed our mind.
It was our idea to come here.
We made a mistake.
We can still fix it.
And what will we say
that won't be...
messy and hurtful and awful?
We tell him the truth.
We should be allowed to do that.
It's just easier
to get it over with.
Painful to me,
pierce right through me
Oh, my little girl
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Sorry.
Words are very
unnecessary...
Look, he was sweet
when he kissed our forehead.
So?
So let's think of that.
There.
Wait. I got it.
Is it all right
if I take this off?
Okay. Okay.
Yeah.
You do it.
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
See? He's grateful.
And that's the part
of this that's,
you know, good.
I'm sorry, which part
of this is good?
Like, how much he wants us.
How he's looking at us.
You know, he...
He's clearly overwhelmed
by how young
and pretty we are,
by our smooth skin,
our perfect breasts.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, I'm not saying it
in a bragging way.
I'm just saying, you know,
look how much he wants us.
He's probably never
wanted a girl this much
in his whole life.
Although that noise
is getting really annoying.
Do you think we can
ask him to stop?
Oh, so now you're ready
to be honest?
Wait, could I--
Can you turn over?
Okay.
I'm taking these off.
Is here in my arms
Okay. Oh, fuck.
Okay.
What?
Did I hurt you?
It's too strong?
- A little.
- Yeah.
Wait.
I'm sorry, have...
Have you ever... done this?
Done what?
Have you ever
done this before?
I'm sorry, can you imagine
if this was our first time?
Like...
I didn't... I didn't know.
That's why I asked.
No, no, it...
it was nice of you to ask.
I have had sex, though.
But I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have laughed.
No, you don't
have to apologize.
I guess I'm just
nervous or something.
Anyone but you
You're nervous?
You don't have to be nervous.
Are the stars...
Just take it slow.
Oh, God, anything but slow.
Dude, you just told him
you were nervous.
How did you think
he was gonna respond?
God, I don't know what--
Yeah.
Oh, he...
Okay, he's not giving up.
Yeah. Mm.
Like, definitely not giving up.
Mm.
Oh, shit, that's so good.
Okay. Lay back.
Oh, God,
now he's getting a condom.
- Fuck, where is it?
- Mom will be happy.
I don't want to think
about Mom right now.
Yeah, because you know
you shouldn't be doing this.
It's not what you want.
Say, "I have changed my mind."
I want
to fuck you so bad.
You want to fuck me?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, shit.
Oh. Oh.
Oh, you like that?
You like that, College Girl?
I always wanted to fuck
a girl with nice tits.
Oh, my God, how much porn
does this guy watch?
Say it.
Turn over.
- Ow!
Jesus.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- It's fine. It's fine.
- Sorry.
Okay.
Oh, yeah, you make my dick
so fucking hard.
- Okay.
- Oh, yeah!
You see the bind we're in.
My dick's so hard.
We're in a strange house
with a guy we don't know.
There's no one
within hearing distance.
I mean, who knows what he could
do if I really piss him off?
If you think this guy
could hurt you,
then why are you here?
Come here.
I mean, is this supposed
to be for your benefit?
Oh, God, shut the fuck up.
Okay. There we go.
There we go.
Oh, yeah.
- Stars.
That's nice.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Just tilt. Tilt. Yeah.
How's that? There we go.
That a girl. That's it.
No, I know.
It's pretty bad.
Yeah.
You're right.
This needs to be over.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God, yeah!
Uh!
- You want me to come?
Yeah, so fucking bad,
come on, come for me.
- I'm gonna. I'm gonna.
- Mm.
Oh, yeah? Ah!
Ah, I'm gonna come too.
Oh, shit. Oh.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh. Oh.
Oh, good girl.
Oh, my God.
Fuck.
Wow.
This is the worst
life decision I've ever made.
Well, what do you
want to do now?
Want to watch a movie?
I must have something
Actually, I think I have
a bootleg "Working Girl"
from Belgium with English--
Sorry.
It's okay.
How old are you?
33?
Yeah, is that...
is that a problem?
No, it's not a problem.
- You sure?
- Yeah.
Okay.
I mean, I was gonna--
I was gonna tell you,
but I wasn't sure
how you'd take it.
Okay.
To tell you the truth,
I was actually really worried
when you went home...
You know, for break...
Because...
I kind of thought
that we were together--
I mean, I know it
was mostly text,
but I thought that we were
starting something, and then,
well, I guessed that you were
committed to me
or not commit-- But, like,
a little committed to me.
And so...
you went home,
and then this weird loop
kept playing in my head
that was like,
a girl as pretty as Margot,
she definitely went out
with some stud boyfriend
in high school,
and I kept thinking,
she's definitely gonna
hook up with this guy,
despite what's happening
between us,
and then you sent that--
that photo of your breasts,
and then you said
it was a mistake,
and I thought,
that's definitely for that
fucking total douche boyfriend,
and, you know,
you're probably considering
fucking him if you weren't
already fucking him.
And now I know that was...
obviously wrong, and I should've
just trusted you.
My former boyfriend
is asexual now,
as in doesn't want to have sex
with anyone ever again.
- Well, that's--
that's good to know, because I--
I think we're really
good together.
I mean, I had a good
time tonight.
Didn't you?
Yeah, I did.
- Yeah.
- Um, but I should...
probably go now.
N-no.
No, you got to stay over.
- I can't.
No, I'll make you scrambled
eggs in the morning.
Thank you, but, um,
my roommate will be worried.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Right. Got to get
back to that dorm.
Yep, 'cause that's...
that's where I live.
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me?
Answer me!
Why don't you like me?
Why don't you like me? Why?!
Here I am.
Hey.
Glad we got to go on our date.
Guess that was our date.
Okay.
Oh, God.
So... how was it?
Great, if you like a guy
that spends ten hours
a day on YouPorn.
So what was his go-to move,
the reverse squatting cowgirl?
Don't make me relive it.
Or that awful hand thing
where their fingers are,
like, moving so fast
that your vagina
starts to smoke?
- What is that?
Right now, I just have to
figure out what I'm gonna do.
Block his number.
That's a little harsh,
and even if I did ghost him,
how long till he got the hint?
Maybe his messages
will keep coming forever.
Maybe they'll never end.
Were his cats at least cute?
I never saw them.
Like, never?
Uh-oh. That's...
That's not good.
It is weird, isn't it?
Why would he lie
about having cats?
Because liking cats makes
a guy seem nonthreatening,
harmless, sensitive, even.
He lied because that's how
he wants you to think he is.
Think about it.
He's hiding something.
So fucking not.
One of us has to die.
Hey, Robert, my workload has
become really overwhelming
since I added
Pre-Columbian Histories
to my already packed schedule,
so I really need to focus
on my studies right now.
It's actually quite serious,
because my parents
have threatened
to "turn off the tap,"
their words, unless I
keep up an A average.
Wait, I'm sorry,
have you had a stroke?
I know.
It's... it's too long.
I need to cut it.
Uh, yeah, you need to put us
all out of our misery
and just say,
"I'm not interested."
I can't say that, Taylor.
We had sex.
I have to say more.
- No, you don't.
- I do.
He's a nice guy,
sort of.
And what did he really
do that's so wrong
except be bad in bed
and maybe lie about having cats?
In a way, I kind of miss him.
Okay, my head
is gonna explode.
Not the real Robert, obviously,
but the guy I was texting
with when we first met.
I really liked that guy.
Yeah, it's easy to like
a text chain. It's not real.
Hey, I never opened
the video he sent me.
Great, now's your chance
to delete it.
You're trembling.
I'm not trembling.
It's sort of sweet.
It was the first movie
we saw together.
It's the only movie
you saw together.
He was really into this scene.
I happen to like nice men.
Leia's rocking
that mono-braid,
but my favorite
was always the side buns.
That's exactly what I said,
not that Robert
was remotely interested.
Oh, wait, there's more.
Wow. It's a montage.
- "Blade Runner"?
- Yeah, classic scene.
Rachael tries to run,
Deckard throws her
against the blinds,
forces her to say, "Kiss me,"
and then shoves
his mouth on hers,
and then she falls in love.
Jesus.
"Last Crusade,"
Indiana berates Elsa,
forces himself on her,
and then she says,
"How dare you kiss me?"
And then, of course,
she kisses him.
I guess this is just
Robert's idea of romance.
Taylor!
No. Taylor!
No, come on, Taylor,
this isn't funny!
Taylor, I'm so serious
right now.
I'm really, really, really,
really, really serious, Taylor!
You're welcome.
Oh, my God.
He's gonna read that.
It won't kill him.
You okay? What do you need?
I think I have a vape.
What are you doing?
We don't vape.
You're right, we don't.
You're sure you're okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Oh, my God.
You did this. You read it.
Okay.
Uh, okay.
"Okay, Margot.
I'm sorry you don't want
to see me anymore.
I hope I didn't do
anything to upset you.
You're a sweet girl,
and I really did enjoy
the time we spent together.
Let me know if you
change your mind."
That's it.
Margot, it's over.
Oh, my God, thank God.
You handled this well.
You're a good girl.
I'm sorry. Nope, sorry.
It's too soon. You're right.
Happy birthday
to you! Hey!
Happy birthday to you! Hey!
Happy birthday, dear Beth.
Happy birthday
to you.
I miss my bedroom.
- This is fun.
- Is it?
And look, there's no costumes
or mime makeup this year.
I could be a mime.
I'm trapped at a party.
Look, if you want
to go, just leave.
I heard that. No, no, no.
No one is leaving.
Dave's still setting up...
... the karaoke room!
Get ready.
- Taylor, what do you think?
You, me,
"The Confrontation"
from "Les Mis"?
We could sing it.
And you're shaking your head no.
- No.
- I di... Never mind.
Speaking of confrontations, though...
Taylor, why don't
you tell everybody
what you've been up to
with your forum thing?
Taylor has been weeding
out masked men
on her subreddit, the Vagenda.
Wait, wait, wait.
What's a masked man?
Ugh, James Madley.
Wait, did I tell you
that he started
this new subreddit
that he's calling, wait...
wait for it... Man Feminist.
James Madley? I know him.
He's a super chill guy.
He's in my comp lit.
And he's a Lyft driver.
Yeah, is he the orange car
that's always parked
outside the North Gate?
- The North Gate.
Well, that's kind of cute,
actually, isn't it?
You know, guys talking about
feminism with other guys?
- Mm.
- It's progress.
Is it, or is that
just blind dudes
leading even more blind dudes?
You should be a guest
moderator on his sub.
Yeah, and then they'd at least
have one female voice in there.
- Yeah.
- Progress.
Yeah, no, that's a great idea.
Let's just reward him for lying.
Really good idea, guys.
What?
- Okay, well,
if it's gonna be a mud fight,
I'm gonna need more booze.
- Yes, please.
- I'll come.
- You want one?
Yes, please. Yep.
Double shot. Thank you!
Yes, happy birthday.
The bar's that way.
It's him.
What? It's who?
Oh, my God, he really is old.
- No, don't look!
- Who? Him?
- Where?
- Don't look.
Oh, it's the guy at the theater.
Yeah, yeah, I told you about
that whole debacle, remember?
- Right.
- I don't know if he saw me.
Yeah, guy who said he had
cats and didn't have cats...
- Yeah.
- In the end.
- Look, I'm just gonna go.
- No, we'll all...
We're all gonna go, come on.
Come on, guys. Get up. Yes.
Come on, let's surround her.
Everyone just be subtle
and normal.
What?
Which one is he?
He saw me.
Ugh, this is just him
pissing on a lamppost.
Ignore it.
This is so bad.
Margot, this is not
your fault.
It's Britney, bitch
I see you
And I just want
to dance with you
Every time they turn
the lights down
Just want to go that
extra mile for you
Your public display
of affection
And the unstoppable Danga
Ah, you gonna have
to remove me
'Cause I ain't going nowhere
Mo-mo-mo-mo more
Shit.
And this was last night
after he sent the text
where he called you a whore?
Yeah, the text was last night,
and then tonight he harassed me
when he waited for me outside.
He waited?
I thought he drove off.
After standing there
for ten minutes.
Did he approach you?
Not physically,
but he could see me.
Actually, I'm not sure if he
could see me through the doors,
but he knows my hours, so...
You're gonna say he didn't
break the law.
- He didn't break the law.
- Okay,
but I also don't want to be
the next episode
of "Homicide Hunter."
"Harassing predator
singles out young woman,
pursues her,
cops ignore her complaints,
until she's found in a trash bin
behind the local Kroger's."
Or the story goes,
"Average Joe likes young pussy,
gets frustrated when she doesn't
like him back,
drinks too much,
calls her a bad name,
drives to her work to try
to plead his case, chickens out,
then figures next time,
he'll pick a less hot girl."
But if Robert actually
does do something
to break the law
and you can prove it,
come find me.
Stop watching "Homicide Hunter."
Well, can't say
I'm surprised to find
two lovely ladies
like yourselves
in here looking for protection.
Oh, my God, Kelvin?
You need to shut
that shit down right now.
Yeah, I'm in no mood
to be hit on
while my life
might be in danger.
I'm sorry.
Don't apologize.
Uh, okay.
Um, how can I help you?
I need to keep someone
away from me.
- Mm-hmm.
- And if he doesn't stay away,
I need to be able
to defend myself.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right.
How about a stun gun?
- And that just zaps him?
- Yeah.
The Vipertek VTS-989,
what we got here,
it's our best seller.
Fully rechargeable.
- Mm, no, that's not gonna work.
She's at 4% with her
phone on a good day.
All righty.
We could keep it simple, then.
Two words: Smith & Wesson.
- A gun?
- A gun, gun?
Kelvin, when you
go home at night,
what planet is that?
Do you realize that you're
more likely to get shot
if you're carrying a gun,
with your own gun?
Look, ladies, I just want
to help you both feel safe.
How can I do that?
I just need to know
if I'm overreacting
or if there really is a guy
out there after me.
At least this way,
we're ready for anything.
God, this is so intense.
Are you sure a tracking device
is even legal?
Kelvin said it depends
on the state.
Oh, we're quoting Kelvin now?
Taylor, I have
to do something.
And if Robert is out there
planning to hurt me,
I have to be able to stop him,
and to stop him,
I have to know where he is
at all times.
Right, but that just means
that you have to get
that thing on his car.
Yeah.
I have to get this thing
on his car soon.
Party!
- Motherfucker!
- I know. A hot dog,
it's horrifying.
Cecilia is having
a You Are What You Eat Party.
You gotta come.
- And we even got you costumes.
You almost gave us
heart attacks.
Which is so fucking rude.
You just barge in here,
taking up every inch of space
with your loud, entitled voices
and your obnoxious,
meaty costumes?
I was gonna be an avocado.
Taylor, we're fine.
They're just inviting
us to a party.
Did they ask if we wanted
to be invited to a party?
We are.
We... We are now.
Uh, we could...
Yeah, if you want to come.
I'm sorry, we were just
in the middle of something.
What? Don't apologize to them.
Why are you always
apologizing to dudes?
- Relax.
Why do you have to make
everything into some epic
battle in your own mind?
It's exhausting.
Kyle and Lucas didn't
do anything wrong.
Clearly, this is a bad time.
So we'll be in the lounge if...
- Sorry.
- Yeah, sorry.
We'll knock next time.
What the fuck was that?
What is going on?
Why are you always
against me recently?
Nobody is against you.
God, that's all
I'm saying, okay?
Good.
Although I'm also saying
that sometimes you make it
really hard for me
to be for you.
Oh, really? Oh, well,
I'm always there for you, so...
- What? No, you're not.
- I am.
I just took you
to get weapons.
Okay, let's be honest
about what I really am to you.
A pair of ears.
A captive audience.
- Are you joking?
- No.
You're only there for me
when I agree with you.
Th... It's... Without me,
you're literally just, like,
floating around in some
YA fantasy novel.
Like, I ground you.
Do you understand that?
I'm always trying
to protect you,
because I understand
the real world, and you don't.
What, from your virtual cave?
Where no one has real names?
Where no one's a real person
because you're all too afraid
to actually step out?
Oh, right,
like how you stepped out?
How'd that go for you?
At least I tried to connect
with another human.
What do you ever do except hide?
Fuck you.
This is bullshit.
Good luck with your
Robert problem, Margot.
Can't wait for that call.
Why would I bother calling?
You'll be too busy posting.
Fuck.
I don't want to talk to you,
but I left my charger
in your room.
Margot?
Oh, my God.
Hey. Hey. Who are you?
Hey.
What are you doing?
I know that dog.
Go. Go.
That dog was outside
my dorm weeks ago.
You've been following me.
I don't... I...
What is that?
What is that in your hand?
What is that in your hand?
Give it to me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We need to go to the
Alphabet Streets immediately.
- Okay.
- There's this guy named Robert.
My friend is with him right now.
I-I don't know his address
or his last name,
but I just have a really bad
feeling about this, okay,
so we're just gonna
drive to the Alphabet Streets,
and we can start looking.
Okay, all right, all right, um,
all right, just breathe.
You might want to buckle up.
You know, my name's, uh...
my name's James, by the way.
Fuck.
What do I do? What do I do?
What the fuck
is the matter with you?
Why am I inside your house?
You were trying
to put a tracker on my car,
because apparently,
you want to see me in jail.
This is insane.
I'm just gonna go.
You're not gonna go.
You're not going anywhere,
not until I have a plan,
until I figure out
how to fix this total,
god-awful,
disastrous mess you put us in.
Everything is ruined now.
If I let you out of here
looking like that,
you're probably gonna get your
wish, and I'm gonna go to jail,
no matter what I say
about what happened here.
Everybody believes the woman.
- Trust me, they don't.
- Oh, no.
You want to see how much
of a liar you are?
"I told my parents this morning
they will meet you soon,"
with a... an emoji face
blowing a heart kiss.
"Break is boring. Good news,
we'll be in same
zip code again soon,"
with two thumbs up.
You remember sending that?
"Thank you for being
so kind last night.
You're my new favorite person."
"Today you were
my first text and my last.
Let's make this every day,"
with three questions marks
and a blushing face
with little hearts.
I went through all the texts;
there's 156 texts
that say, "I'm into you,
Robert. I like you, Robert."
Why'd you say those things?
Why did you say them
if you don't mean them?
And why'd you let me blubber on
like some lovesick asshole
when you obviously loathe me?
- I don't loathe you.
- Stop lying!
What about you?
You were stalking me.
I was stalking you?
What, a guy can't see a pretty
girl and want to meet her?
Okay, yeah, I...
So I followed you,
but only so I could
run into you.
Is that... is that a bad thing?
I mean, is that a bad thing?
I-I... Am I some kind of bad guy
'cause I just want to--
I want to fucking meet a girl?
I want to meet a girl in life
and not on a fucking app?
I don't want to meet them
through my screen?
Am I such a bad guy?
I'm sorry that
I found you attractive,
and maybe if you'd liked me,
like I thought you did,
you would've found that romantic
and not, you know,
not creepy, and it could've
been our story.
What?
The fucking origin story
that our best man
would've told at our wedding.
And by the way,
you had your eye on me, too,
at the movie theater,
didn't you?
Be honest!
Just say it! Say it! Say it!
Don't play games.
Don't play games
anymore with me.
You can't say shit,
you can't say a goddamn
truthful thing
in your fucking life.
Dumbass teenager.
You just fucking manipulated me.
I was honest.
At first.
But the night we spent here,
we just had such different experiences.
Wh-what do you mean?
You had a bad time?
What? What... What did I do?
I didn't fuck you well enough?
You should've told me that!
Tell me!
Well, when you were
texting me after,
I was just trying
to spare your feelings.
Fuck.
I'm being way too loud.
I'm being way
too loud right now.
This is... This is not a--
Ugh, my eyes.
Oh, your eyes? Well,
that's also your fault entirely.
Please, can I just have
some water for my eyes?
You need saline solution,
not water.
Oh, my God, you've had
girls mace you before?
Go on. Go on.
What, so this
is a regular thing?
I'm a nurse.
Not that you ever
bothered to ask.
I don't know, maybe Ambien
mixed with Klonopin,
and I just dose you,
and I drop you off on campus,
and... and you don't
remember how you got there,
and it'd be as if this whole
hideous nightmare
never happened.
That's your plan?
That is not a good plan.
Well, because there
is no good plan.
There is no good plan.
If you walk out of here
looking like that,
it's over for me, right?
I cannot trust you.
- Yes, you can.
No, I can't!
Look, why don't we
make a pact?
- A pact?
- Yeah.
You let me go...
You let me go, I never speak
a word of this to anyone,
and we... we both forget
we ever knew each other.
Ha.
- That could work.
- No. No. No.
Robert, look, if you drug me
like some super predator...
Oh, God.
...they will lock
you up for good.
Oh, my God. my eyes.
They're burning.
Can I please just have
some of that solution?
Please, please,
I'm in so much pain.
Don't fucking move.
911, what's your emergency?
Hello?
No--
Hello?
Fuck.
Stop. Stop.
Shut up! Shut up!
Get in here!
Get over here!
Come here. Stop.
Shut the fuck up. Shut up!
Shut the fuck up.
Shut up! Shut--
Fuck!
Get off me!
Enough!
Hey! Hey!
Come on.
Come on! Come on!
Help! God!
The drain.
Come in.
Margot! Come in.
Are you fucking crazy?
You got to trust me!
Come on.
Trust me! Come on!
Open it! Hey!
Robert!
Let me in!
Robert! Let me in!
Okay, turn off Adams
onto Buchanan.
Then go down Cleveland.
Okay, what we looking for?
Oh, my God, there's a fire.
Wait, drive toward the fire!
What? Seriously,
drive toward it?
Is your friend in there?
- I don't know. I don't know.
I don't even know
if this is the right house.
We didn't find anyone.
No, she hasn't responded to my
texts or calls or anything.
Did... did you check
everywhere?
It's good news
we didn't find her.
Hey, Taylor.
Why don't you let me
take you home?
I won't... I won't charge you.
I think you might
already know me.
I'm BitchPerfect.
It's nice to finally meet you.
Hey, Chief. We found
something in the basement.
Margot?
All right.
We got a pulse!
On both of 'em!
Come on, let's get 'em up.
She's up.
Oh, thank God.
Hi.
I-I'm gonna go get your mom.
Uh, she took a Valium,
and she's sleeping
in the lounge.
She's so stressed about this.
It's really not about
Kelly right now.
Look, I'm-I'm gonna be
right back. Your mom...
your mom is gonna
be so relieved.
You know,
and I'm relieved too, obviously.
Hi. You're okay.
I don't know why
you want to look at this.
Robert Holt is taillights now.
Okay, he's gone.
It's done. It's over.
He quit his job
at the hospital.
The woman at the desk
said he moved to the coast,
didn't leave any
forwarding information.
Who knows if that's true
or not, though?
Maybe he told her to say that
in case I came looking.
One of these days,
you're gonna have to tell me
what really happened that night.
Come on. We're late
for pickleball. Let's go.
Then,
out of the swamp's depths
again appears horrifying,
mysterious creatures.
You've seen it, right?
- Me?
- Yeah, you know how,
like, places have, like,
employee recommends
and stuff like that?
Do you recommend
"The Apartment"?
Embarrassingly,
I haven't seen it.
You haven't seen it?
It's, like, a classic.
I mean, you know, they told me
that if you don't see it,
they're gonna fire you,
but you...
I think they show
it two nights,
so you still have tomorrow.
Well, thank you.
- Yeah.
- I'll get on that.
- No, you should.
- Mm-hmm.
To gratify their
destructive desires.
Hey, Girl Who Should See
"The Apartment," um...
Why don't you give me
your number?
The hurt I hurt
is nothing like
The hurts I've hurt before
The things I feel
do not feel
Like things I've felt before
And the loneliness
and the emptiness
And the hopelessness
are fine
Because sometimes
my cloudy brain
Remembers for one moment
You were mine m
The pain that pains
is not the pain
That's pained
my heart before
The tears I tear
are not the tears
My eyes have teared before
And the loneliness
and the helplessness
And the uselessness are fine
Because sometimes
my cloudy brain
Remembers for one moment
You were mine