Catch Me If You Claus (2023) Movie Script

La, la, la
La, la, la
See the snow falling down
Lights are hung
around the town
I can feel it
in the air
On this Christmas
La, la, la
Good morning, Dayton, Ohio,
and welcome to Channel 71 News.
I'm Avery Quinn.
In our top story,
former mayor Hewitt Vance,
continues to defend
against accusations
of corruption with his
Christmas Care Foundation as...
[Man] Avery! We need that story!
We're on in five!
Sorry. Right. It's on its way
to the prompter now.
Center frame.
Can you pan camera left?
[indistinct chatter]
Okay, center...
Good morning, Dayton.
I'm Misty McAllen.
And I'm Bink Binkerson.
This is Channel 71 News
at 5:00 AM for December 23rd!
In our top story,
former mayor Hewitt Vance
continues to defend against
accusations of corruption
with his
Christmas Care Foundation
as his one-time right-hand man
claims the former mayor
is using foundation funds
for personal use.
I'm 100% innocent.
Peter Mayhew is a
disgruntled ex-employee
who loves a good
conspiracy theory.
Mayhew continues to allege
that the former mayor
holds two sets of
accounting records,
despite the fact that
an ongoing investigation
has produced no evidence
to date.
Have you heard anything?
Nancy wants to see me
after the show.
They're gonna give it to you.
You're Sophie Ashburn's
daughter. It's in your DNA.
No, I don't wanna use that.
All my mom talks about is how
she did it all on her own.
I want to do that, too.
Well, I think you'll make
a great weekend anchor.
And there's no doubt you can
report circles around these two.
And in lighter news,
coming up after the break,
a penguin has fallen in love
with a chihuahua?
Did you write that?
I can't wait for this story.
It's a Christmas miracle.
Stay tuned!
They don't think you're ready.
Oh, right to it then.
You're right.
I'm sorry.
I-I mean,
I know I stumbled through
a few words in my audition,
but I can do this, Nancy.
I'm sure you can,
but it's not my decision.
I was nervous.
I mean, I would've had it
on the next take.
There are no second takes
in the news.
Look, maybe they're unfairly
comparing you to your mother...
My mother?
She wasn't immediately the
legend that she is now.
It took her time
to find her voice.
And I can find mine.
I just need...
I just need one more shot.
I'm not gonna say never,
but I can't give it to you now.
Look, you're the best
researcher we've got.
We would all hate
to lose you over this.
You won't lose me over this.
I mean, at least not until
60 Minutes recruits me.
But I will change their minds.
I will find a story
that only I can tell.
I will be an anchor.
[toilet flushing]
Oh, I just heard.
Thank you.
You know, I...
I don't think
they were ever really
gonna give it to me anyway.
I mean, it was just like
a pity audition
for Sophie Ashburn's kid.
You remind me a lot of myself
when I was first starting out.
Back when I was still mousy
little Misty Cornfoot.
And that was two nose jobs ago.
Thank you...
I think?
And I mean,
I know I'm not my mom.
Of course not,
but she's been reporting
for 33 years, you know?
I'm sure she wasn't perfect
when she started either.
Can I be honest, here?
You have big shoes to fill,
and there's no
getting around that,
so you need to start dressing
for the job that you want,
not the job that
you already have.
It's not what's
on the inside that counts,
but what's on the outside.
That goes against
every self-help lecture
I've ever heard.
But it's true.
And a little anchor to
future anchor advice...
Infrared light therapy masks.
Use it.
It's what keeps us looking
like we're still in college.
- Wow.
- You were here?
You could've saved me from that.
- I knew she got her nose done!
- Twice.
You know she's got a point.
You need to make
them notice you, Avery.
You know what I always say,
the squeaky wheel...
- Is annoying and obnoxious.
- And is necessary to get ahead.
Can I just be honest with you?
Anchor to future anchor advice.
- Infrared light therapy.
- Ugh!
- Go and make coffee.
- I don't know how to squeak.
[Talia] You'll figure it out!
- Hey, Bec!
- Hey!
Merry almost Christmas!
Merry Christmas, Avery!
Have a good night.
[Sophie] It's a dog-eat-dog
business, Avery.
And not everybody's
cut out for it.
Do you know how many people
came up the ranks with me that
- are now selling real estate?
- Fourteen.
[Sophie] Fourteen.
You've got to get a
thicker skin, Avery.
Otherwise, they'll just
eat you alive.
I got a thousand no's
before I got my first yes.
Do you think
I let that break me?
No, you did not.
Oh, by the way, daddy and I
bought you some presents.
They should be there tomorrow.
And I got him that meat smoker
that he wanted.
Should I put your
name on the card?
Oh, no thank you.
I sent you guys your presents.
I think they should
be there tomorrow.
Okay. [sighs]
He's devastated, you know,
that you're not going to
be here with us for Christmas.
It's his favorite time of year.
I know. It sucks for me, too.
But you remember how it is
when you're trying
to establish yourself.
We just really miss you is all.
I miss you guys, too.
But we have next year.
Okay. Pull back.
Let me see.
It's just like
the outfit that I wore
when I interviewed for
my first national spot.
And I got that job.
Yeah. Misty wears stuff
like this, so I'm hoping that
it will do the trick for me.
You do what you gotta do.
[Misty] Three more homes
were reportedly hit last night
by the man police have
now dubbed the Santa Crook,
bringing the tally up
to eight homes.
He is described as a white male,
wearing a Santa Claus suit.
[Sophie] Okay, honey,
I can see you're busy.
Love you, we'll talk tomorrow.
Okay. Love you. Bye.
[Misty] If anyone has any
information that could help
assist with his capture, please
call the Dayton Metro Police.
And in other news...
[Bink] It's 5:00 AM on this
beautiful Christmas Eve morning.
Welcome back,
Channel 71 viewers.
I'm Bink Binkerson
being joined by Chef Joel.
We are so happy to have you.
And it looks like you've brought
some festive treats for us.
Merry Christmas Eve!
Okay. Did the spirit
of Barbara Walters
visit you last night?
My girl's looking like
a real live newscaster.
You think?
Oh, it's so annoying that you
can look this good at 4:00 AM.
I think I'm still asleep.
Can you tell?
- You look great.
- Liar.
[Chef Joel] Well, I could never
make it look that good,
so thank you for setting
that up as if I made it
because obviously I could
never do that good of a job.
Well, it wouldn't be a
proper Christmas party
without Gary's Spam reindeer.
Tell me about it.
Hey, what's happening
over there?
Did you call Detroit?
The anchor's curse.
Laryngitis has taken over
Misty's vocal chords.
- She lost her voice?
- Mm-hmm.
And everyone's out of town
for the holidays,
including Bink,
who's on the first plane out
Christmas morning.
Misty was supposed
to do Christmas morning
tomorrow alone.
What are they gonna do?
Well, seeing as how no one can
catch a flight back in time...
Call Detroit. They're skilled.
You've got laryngitis.
You can't go on.
I'm perfectly fine.
- What about Florida Sanchez?
- What are you... - Avery? Avery?
You've got this.
Go get 'em!
[Misty] I can do it.
Excuse me. I uh, I-I,
I could fill in for Misty.
I understand that you don't
want to give me the weekend job,
but this is just one broadcast,
one very low-rated broadcast.
And you know,
it's Christmas morning.
People aren't even paying
attention to the 5:00 AM.
They're opening presents, and
sleeping, and visiting family.
You're nervous. And nervous
people make me nervous.
I promise, I will not let you
or the viewers down.
This means everything to me.
You go on at 5:00 for Misty.
- Do not blow it.
- Thank you!
Yes! Ooh.
You heard the lady.
Don't be late.
- Feel better.
- Thanks. Break a leg.
- Squeak, squeak.
- Holy crap!
Okay, it's supposed
to storm tonight.
- Don't let it keep you up.
- Yeah, right.
I'm going to bed like, now.
No under eye bags.
No yawning.
No stammering.
This is going to be the best
Christmas morning broadcast
Channel 71 News has ever seen.
Oh, it's really
starting to come down.
You'd better hurry and get home.
I'll see you bright and early.
- On the air!
- [laughs]
Jingle bell, jingle bell,
jingle bell rock
Jingle bells swing
and jingle bells ring
Jeez, Mom.
Snowin' and blowin' up
bushels of fun
Now the jingle hop
has begun
Jingle bell, jingle bell,
jingle bell rock
Jingle bells chime
in jingle bell time
Dancing and prancing
in Jingle Bell Square
In the frosty air
What a bright time,
it's the right time
It's unknown if the so-called
Santa Crook is armed,
but police are advising
to use extra caution.
[Bink] And speaking of caution,
keep those snow shovels ready.
This storm
is just getting started.
What's that?
[both screaming]
No, no, no.
This is not happening tonight.
You can rob me
any night but tonight!
[line trilling]
[Recording] We're sorry.
Your call cannot be
completed as dialed.
Oh, you are so not sorry.
I need a landline
and a Doberman.
Are you...
[Recording] We're sorry.
Your call cannot be
completed as dialed.
No, Dasher. No.
[both screaming]
Don't move! You are
under citizen's arrest!
The police are on their way!
Why are you up?
I followed all the procedures.
- The what?
- This wasn't supposed to happen.
You breaking into my house
and getting caught?
No. That wasn't
supposed to happen!
I didn't break in.
I came in the regular way.
- But something was off.
- The lights?
- And your thieving skills?
- Wait. How long was I out?
I don't know.
Like, 10 minutes.
Ten minutes?
I've gotta go.
No! The only place you
are going, sir, is to jail.
To ja... Oh, no. There has been
a misunderstanding.
Why do I keep choking tonight?
- Oh. Are they still here?
- Who?
My dad is going to be so upset.
And you do not want
to upset my dad.
Your dad is in on this?
What are you, mafia?
Mafia? No!
I am not mafia.
I'm Santa Claus.
You know, jolly old Saint Nick?
The big guy in the red pajamas
with the ho, ho, ho.
Yeah, that's a work in progress.
Okay. You're Santa.
I'm the Tooth Fairy.
You're not the Tooth Fairy.
I've met the...
- This isn't a joke.
- I'm not laughing.
I have a very crucial
day tomorrow,
so you messed
with the wrong girl.
I'm sorry.
You have a crucial day?
You have a crucial day?
It is Christmas Eve,
late on Christmas Eve.
And I still have not
finished my rounds.
Okay, okay. Whew. You and I
got off on the wrong foot,
so maybe you could just untie me
and I'll get on my way.
Absolutely not.
[sighs] Okay, fine.
I'm very strong.
I will break out of this.
I will break out of this
right in front of you
and I'll just...
Wow, this is surprisingly
strong garland.
It's wired for extra
molding capabilities.
Oh, that's very,
very convenient.
- Maybe you can unwire it for me?
- No!
I'm not gonna let you go
rob more innocent people.
Unlike you,
I care about my fellow man.
I'm sure you care
about your fellow man,
especially the ones
that you aren't tying up.
But this is a very important
night and I really have got...
Okay. Wait. You know what?
Maybe I'll just check the time.
I could have lots of time.
I've just gotta check my watch.
- Here, if I could...
- Pretty cool watch.
Thank you. It's got latitude
and longitude indicators
for traveling at high velocities
over hemispheres.
The reindeer have a very
good sense of direction,
but this really helps.
Whoa. Wow! It is 11:22.
Sunrise is at 6:00 AM and
I still haven't even started
delivering gifts to the
western hemisphere.
I am so far behind schedule.
Wow, you are really taking it
all the way with this.
[thumping on roof]
Whoa! What was that?
- No...
- Hey! Hey!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
They're gone.
Who? Who?
Are there people on my roof?
This hasn't happened
in 188 years.
Do you have any idea
what you have done?
What I have done?
You broke into my house,
and tonight of all nights.
By doing that you just
jeopardized my career!
You have tied up Santa Claus,
thereby jeopardizing Christmas!
[sighs] We have been
over this a dozen times.
I'm telling you the truth.
Also, do you have any milk
or cookies? I am so hungry.
Enough with the act.
We've been following you
on the news for a week.
You dress in a Santa suit,
break into people's houses,
and empty their safes.
Yes, I go into people's homes,
but I do not do any of
that other stuff. I brought you
your gift, by the way.
You're welcome.
Uh, Becca's my neighbor.
- Becca's your neighbor?
- Mm-hmm.
There's no Becca here?
You're not Becca?
Are you sure? Becca.
You're serious?
Oh. Why does this
keep happening tonight?
Also, you kind of look like
you could be a model.
And I'm supposed to believe
that you're Santa?
Oh. Well, thank you
for the compliment.
And so you know, the Santa Claus
has not looked like
the proverbial Father Christmas
in quite some time.
And also, this is my first
time doing the rounds.
- Or attempting to.
- Okay.
And failing miserably.
Oh, give it up!
If I wasn't really Santa Claus,
how would I know that your name
Avery Quinn?
Because you're not only a thief,
but also a stalker.
- I'm neither of those things.
- Okay.
If you are the real Santa,
then you're supposed to know
when I've been
bad and good, right?
Let's hear it.
When have I been bad?
- That is something that I know.
- You should.
- Okay.
- Let's hear it.
I'm thinking. You...
You have a number of
late-return library books.
Oh, come on.
Okay. You sometimes
bite your nails.
Who doesn't?
You didn't floss
your teeth last night.
That is not true!
Who flosses every single night?
- Is that an admission of guilt?
- Oh, this is ridiculous.
Also, if you're gonna go with
the whole I'm Santa thing,
- do better.
- Fine. Yes, I know. [sighs]
Okay, here's the truth.
The intel is supposed to
transfer to the new Santa,
but for whatever reason, I'm
not connecting in full force.
Oh, maybe my dad was right.
It's one thing
to wear the boots,
but you have to own the boots.
Let's not do a therapy session
right now, though.
What if you could complete
the most important task
in your life?
Robbing my neighbors is the most
important thing of your life?
- Honestly, I pity you.
- I didn't rob your neighbors.
Becca's gonna wake up on
Christmas morning.
She's gonna go downstairs
and she's gonna look for
the one thing she asked for
for Christmas
and it's not gonna be there,
an organic chemistry kit.
You opened it?
How do you sleep at night?
I didn't open it!
I made...
Okay. You know what?
What difference does it make
whether or not I'm returning
the gift or bringing her
the gift for the first time?
The most important thing
is that Becca gets her gift.
And you are the only person
that is preventing that
from happening.
So what do you say?
Bring Becca her gift.
You want me to go
with you over there?
- Yes.
- Right now.
- Yes.
- And bring the gift?
I'm going to put pants on.
You better not move.
- Stay right there.
- Fine.
- Don't move.
- Of course.
Elf's honor.
Yes, it's bad news.
I lost contact with Chris.
[Farley] What do you mean
you lost contact?
We almost got caught by
the security patrol and-and
there were so many
potential onlookers
I had to leave him inside.
And now um...
- He's off grid.
- [Farley] Off the what?
I can't report back with that!
Yeah, I'm freaking out here!
It's my first Christmas
as the right-hand man,
and I'm neither to the right
nor by the man!
[Farley] Look, just breathe.
He has his phone, right?
Yeah, it's just the cell
reception is pretty bad
because of the storm.
[Farley] Keep trying
to establish contact.
And if you can't reach him,
go back to that last house.
He's gotta still be there.
You got it?
Okay, but...
[line beeps]
You didn't have to hang up!
But sure.
[phone playing Jingle Bells ]
Oh, oh, my phone!
Haven't known you long,
but that ring tone
is pretty on brand.
Yeah, if you could just answer
it? It's in my jacket pocket.
[phone playing Jingle Bells ]
- A flip phone?
- Yeah. Latest model.
Just open it.
Just answer it.
They will tell you
exactly who I am.
Wh... why did you do that?
I'm not letting you get in touch
with your accomplices.
Although, you did
just have service.
Yes, because it's
the latest model!
I can't even get
on my cell phone.
How am I supposed
to get on the news?
The news. The news.
Oh. Oh, that is gonna work.
A story only I can tell.
Wait. Where are you going?
Broke in, 11:05 or so...
- What are you doing?
- Claims to be the real Santa.
Terrible liar,
possibly delusional.
Nancy's gonna
have to take notice
when I'm the one that's
caught the Santa Crook.
I am not the Santa Crook.
Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
I can see the look on
my dad's face right now.
Are you okay?
I don't know.
I'm gonna be the guy
that messed it all up.
So here's the deal, Santa Claus.
Cell towers are down
because of this stupid storm,
so we are gonna go to Becca's
house and return her gift.
Because you said,
"Elf's honor, right?"
- Elf's honor.
- Good.
And then I'm sorry about this,
but clearly,
you have a lot of family issues
that you need to work through
that have brought you
to this point.
I'm gonna have to take you
to the police station myself.
Wait. You said the police were
on their way already.
You lied.
That makes two of us.
I didn't lie.
I'm Santa Claus.
Sure you are. Let's go.
I do not look like that.
How'd that work out for you?
Could you help me up?
- Oh.
- Jeez.
Thank you.
Don't mention it.
So what's this important thing
that you have to do tomorrow?
Why don't we skip the
small talk, fake Santa?
I'm just trying to be polite.
It's Chris, by the way.
Well, Chris, it's just what I've
worked my entire career for.
I finally get
to report the news,
but instead of resting up,
I'm returning a
stolen chemistry kit.
Report the news?
You're an anchor,
like Sophie Ashburn?
What do you know
about Sophie Ashburn?
- Well, I have a TV.
- Steal that, too?
That gift is not stolen.
It is the gift that Becca
asked for explicitly.
Okay. Ha. Okay.
If you're really Santa,
what is the most meaningful
present I've been given?
Okay, like I said,
my Santa skills are kind of
waning at the moment.
[Avery] Yeah,
of course they are.
Wait. Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Actually, I'm getting
an image of something.
It's a diary of some kind.
Pretty close, but what teenage
girl doesn't get a diary?
Well, it'll fully come to me
at some point, but...
Whatever it is, I know it was
great because I know for a fact
that you're a good person.
Flattery will get you nowhere.
[Chris] It's not flattery.
It's a fact coming directly
to you from Santa Claus.
Why are all the hot ones crazy?
[doorbell ringing]
You know what? They're probably
at midnight mass.
They go every year,
so just leave it here.
Oh, no. There is a protocol.
There is a protocol.
Gifts cannot be left in
unprotected places,
i.e., mailboxes, curbs or
stoops, so...
Oh, so you work for Amazon.
This is what I do and
I take my job very seriously.
We need to go inside and
tuck it underneath the tree.
I'm not doing that. I'll just
bring it to Becca tomorrow.
No. No, not tomorrow.
Tomorrow is Christmas and...
Avery, I truly believe this.
Good people deserve good things.
If Becca doesn't get that gift,
it would break my heart.
What's your plan?
- I have a special set of keys.
- No chimney?
It only works when the
reindeers are on the roof.
The keys are a back-up protocol.
So if you wanna look
in my pocket here...
What are you, a janitor?
Okay. Here we are.
North America.
I wanna see this.
Oh, I'm sorry. You can't look.
It's not how it works.
Very good.
Okay. If you'd put that
back in my pocket
and pick up the gift,
and we can head on inside.
I'm not gonna go in there
because that's trespassing.
Well, I can't carry the gift
because I am tied up,
unless you wanna untie me.
Technically, this is
breaking and entering,
which is two years
for a first-time offender.
Though I have my doubts
this is your first offense.
What are you doing?
The cravings are real.
And Becca expects there
to be a bite taken out of
the cookie when she
wakes up in the morning.
I love milk.
If you could...
Oh, shoot.
I'm making a mess.
If you could maybe help me.
Thank you. Okay. Okay.
There you go. There you go.
You're fine.
You have committed enough
crimes for one night.
And I have a 4:00 AM call time.
Let's go.
Okay. Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
Okay, think about this.
If you bring me in, the police
might question you for hours.
You could be stuck
there until noon.
Well, then I will drop you off
and tell them
I'll come back later.
Wait, do you really think
they're gonna let you do that?
Look, I am not letting you go,
so stop trying to play me.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, okay.
Halt! Dayton Alarm Co!
Oh, oh.
Hold it right there,
Santa Crook!
This is security guard
standing in front of 417
Kovar Lane, the MacGregor house.
Silent alarm was tripped.
Perps are out front.
Could you?
Hi. I have been trying
to call the cops all night.
I am very grateful
that you're here.
I caught the Santa Crook.
He broke into my house.
- You live there?
- No, I live there.
- So you're not a MacGregor?
- No, I'm not.
Then why were you just
exiting the MacGregor house?
I can explain that.
I found him in my living room,
so I tied him up
and I was taking him to the
police station, but then...
You tied him up to
take him to the police,
but you broke into the
MacGregor house first?
Uh, I know how this looks,
but, but he's the one you want.
Please, have at him.
Throwing your partner
under the bus?
Is there really
no honor among thieves?
- Right?
- He is not my partner!
Please, I promise.
I'm a victim.
He's the one you want.
Take him away.
I gotta go to bed.
I don't think you'll be
getting much sleep
when you're doing hard time.
Are you arresting me?
I'm an alarm company
employee, ma'am.
I do not have that power.
Actually, I'm new.
I hadn't noticed.
But they did give me
my own flashlight.
Good for you, Ricky.
Aw, thanks.
But, uh...
[clears throat]
That's enough of that.
I've requested back-up
and they should be on their way.
- Oh.
- Oh. I've got it.
- It's under there.
- You're really killing it.
It's back by the wheel.
Oh my... What are you doing?
Saving Christmas!
Are you coming?
You can't just
take off in my car!
Don't you leave!
You can't do that!
I'm sorry, Ricky!
No, don't move!
By the power invested in me
by my bosses at Dayton Alarm Co,
I order you to halt!
Ohhh! Oh!
Backup is coming!
He's eyeing my plates.
Go, go, go, go, go!
Step on it!
I'm hot pursuit!
They're in a blue sedan,
or white!
[alarm blaring]
Go! Run!
[alarm blaring]
[breathing heavy]
[line trilling]
[phone beeps]
My safe has been robbed.
It was the Santa Crook.
He took everything.
The flash drive, everything.
Okay. Leave it to me.
Got it.
Guys, grab the police scanner.
We've got work to do.
[Chris] Okay.
How is this my life?
I just wanted to take you
to the police station,
get an exclusive story,
and then go back to bed
because I have
to be charming and gregarious
and lovely in the morning!
I'm sorry. You?
I have to be generous and merry,
and international tonight!
Number one rule,
finish before sunrise,
and you're
making that very difficult.
You got us into this mess!
You could've let me
go an hour ago.
You could be at home in bed
dreaming of sugar plums
and teleprompters.
Oh, my mom! If my mom hears
about how I blew my big break,
I'm never gonna hear
the end of it.
It's gonna be every Christmas.
Okay, okay, okay.
Why don't you just let me
get in touch with my people?
You can go home.
It'll be like we never met.
Besides, I don't even
know who you are.
Ricky got my plates!
[Man on radio]
Calling all Dayton Alarm carts.
I am at the east end of
Vista Road.
Vista Road?
That's nowhere near here.
That's because they aren't
talking about us.
[Man] I repeat.
All cars to Vista Road.
If the Santa Crook
is all the way across town,
who are you?
Do we really have to
go through this again?
[radio crackles, powers down]
Great, there goes that.
What are you looking for?
My phone!
I put it in my pocket.
It must've fallen out.
Okay, you know what?
If you're not the
real Santa Crook,
I don't want anything
to do with what this is.
- Wait, Avery!
- No!
Av, Av! Av! Avery! I get...
I need to find a phone,
call the police,
and go to bed!
Avery! [grunting]
Avery! I can't...
Avery, wait up!
Hey! Avery, wait up!
I need some help with these.
Avery, please.
Avery, it's Christmas.
Why are you following me?
Because I need you
to untie these.
Also, it doesn't feel right
to let you just wander around
in the middle of nowhere.
I wasn't raised that way, so...
Prove it!
Prove what?
Prove that you are
who you say you are.
I'm a reporter. I report
facts that I can verify.
So I'd like some
verification now!
I don't have to prove
anything to you.
- You sure do!
- I don't have to prove
anything to anybody.
Why? You should
be able to prove it,
if you are who you say you are.
I can! But you don't seem
very interested...
- Are you afraid?
- I'm not afraid!
Are you afraid because
then you're gonna be liar?
- I am not a liar!
- Then show me who you are!
- Oh, wow.
- What? What just happened?
I just got a flash of insight
about your childhood gift.
- The pivotal one.
- Mm-hmm.
No. Really.
The pivotal gift.
The meaningful one you
were asking about.
Every child has the potential
to have a gift that
sets them on their own path.
I just realized what yours was.
You were six or seven.
You were just starting
to get the feel for writing.
It was Christmas morning,
you were opening your gift.
You were with your mom.
It was a leather-bound journal
with the inscription,
"Dig Deeper" on it.
How did you know that?
I mean,
I've been trying to tell you.
[Ellis] Hey. Yeah.
Read me the plates again
from the police scanner.
Someone seems very interested
in your car.
That's it.
Yeah, I found the
Quinn woman's car.
[Chris] Ooh.
Uh, turn around.
Just walk, walk,
walk, walk, walk.
Slowly, slowly!
Hide the lights! Come on, man.
- Who is that?
- I don't know.
Oh, that's...
That's why he didn't answer!
[Farley] We're in
over our heads here, Dillon.
We have got to tell the big guy.
Good luck.
I'll leave that to you.
[Farley] You lost him,
you tell him.
Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I can't. I can't.
[Farley] What do you
mean you can't?
We have a sacred duty
and those words aren't
part of our job description.
This can't be his first
impression of me on the job.
Okay? Can we just
fix this, just us?
[Farley] Well,
we're past that now.
He needs to know
and you need to tell him.
Is he going through my car?
My registration is in there.
That has my address on it.
What do they want?
I don't know. Whatever he's
looking for, I don't have it.
But why is he in my car?
What is he looking for?
Wait, I know that guy.
I mean, I don't know him,
know him, but I've seen
his face before in footage.
He was the former
head of security
when Vance was the mayor.
He mentioned your license plates
and the police scanner.
Well, if he has
a police scanner,
then he would have heard Ricky
call in my plates
as belonging to the Santa Crook.
Why would he have
a police scanner?
I need a phone.
I need to get ahold of Talia.
I'll pick up my car tomorrow.
I need to dig into
whatever this is.
Maybe they'll have one.
Oh, wait, wait.
Maybe you could untie me.
I can help you figure this out.
I made it pretty clear
I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not letting you do
this on your own.
So what do you say?
We'll do this together?
And then I'll finish my rounds.
Thank you.
- Ow, ow, ow.
- Sorry, sorry.
I got it. I got it.
- I did a really good job.
- I know you did.
- Hurry, he's coming.
- Sorry, sorry.
Okay, go, go, take your jacket.
Go, go, go!
Okay, okay, okay.
[Avery] It says the entrance
is over here, come on!
[Chris] Here we go.
Okay, okay.
Hello. Hey. Excuse me. Do you
have a phone? Are you open?
Who dares to knock?
Your reclamation, then.
Take heed!
Uh, we certainly
are taking heed,
but is there any way you have
a phone we could please use?
Yeah. Could we maybe talk
to your manager?
[window slamming]
[door locks opening]
We're going in there?
I-I'm not afraid.
To go in there.
Are you?
No, I'm not afraid.
Go ahead.
- Great, here I go.
- Yeah. Okay.
[people cheering]
Oh, man! Ha!
Did we ever get you!
Sorry, we thought you knew
what you'd walked into.
I'm Lewis Daly, director,
dancer, actor extraordinaire!
Those lines, you would be Marley
from A Christmas Carol!
Welcome to the home
dinner theater
of the Dayton, Ohio
Community Players.
You're a theater troupe.
[Lewis] An award-winning
theater troupe.
We put on an immersive dinner
experience of Charles Dickens'
A Christmas Carol.
We've won three Tonys for it.
You've won three Tony Awards?
Three Tony's Pizzas. From the
pizza shop down the street.
They give us a free pizza
for every good review we get.
Speaking of which,
the show just ended
and the pizza's still warm.
You're welcome to join
our wrap party.
[people cheering]
Feel free to meet the players.
We've got our Ebenezer Scrooge.
Bob Cratchit.
And of course, Tiny T... Tiny Tim.
Poor guy. He's always typecast.
I love this outfit!
Santa reimagined!
We'll definitely have
to talk shop later
about who does your costumes.
- Oh, actually this...
- I'm sorry, if I may?
But do you have a phone
that I can use?
The only phone is
in the upstairs office
and it's for
troupe members only.
Are you serious?
Well, the play is set
in the Victorian era.
We can't just be letting
people in with cell phones.
It would ruin the authenticity.
You're eating Tony's Pizza
from present-day Ohio.
Well, I'm sorry, but it's the
only phone in the building.
And it's Theater Company policy.
Members only.
Then I'd like
to become a member.
[Players] Oh!
You'll just have
to pass the audition.
The what?
Well, we have time tonight.
You can audition right now
if you want, huh?
So, how badly do you
wanna use that phone?
Are they really
making me do this?
It's gonna be okay.
You may not believe in Santa,
but I believe in you.
This is ridiculous.
It's just a phone.
Oh, you've got this.
Just perform a monologue
like they're asking.
Oh, like I have one memorized.
- Improvise one.
- I can't just make one.
- I-I-I-I...
- Ah, we're waiting!
I am right by your side.
Really, I know.
Just dig deep!
[Players] Monologue! Monologue!
Would you guys stop that?
Could you please just stop?
- Stop doing that.
- [Players] Monologue, monologue!
I said stop right now!
Oh, this has been the most
insane night of my life!
I need to use your phone
because I'm supposed to be
on air at 5:00 AM
for Channel 71 News.
And if you only knew how hard
I've worked for this.
I have worked days,
weeks, months!
I've given it
everything I've got
and if I don't make it, then...
my life is over.
And if it's because of you,
I will come back here
and I will not be pleasant!
[players exclaiming, chattering]
[players applauding]
Absolutely beautiful!
Just magnificent!
Perhaps the most
powerful performance
I've seen in this great hall.
Thank you. So you can... you can
use that as my audition, right?
But the truth is, I really...
I really am a reporter.
And I'm about to be
on the news very soon.
- What about Misty McAllen?
- She has laryngitis.
[fake British accent] Good.
I don't like her smug face.
You have a nice face.
Is that his real accent?
- He likes to stay in character.
- Right. Of course.
Thanks, Tim.
Welcome to the troupe!
Somebody get this girl a Tony!
So I can use the phone?
Ah, yes.
Oh, hi. Thank you.
Thank you.
Oh, this is such an honor.
Really. Oop, sorry!
Make yourself at home,
newest member.
Thank you.
Okay, Talia.
Help a sister out.
[line trilling]
Love the coat!
Excuse me, sir.
This is going to
sound rather bizarre,
but I've been listening
to you all night.
And I have this sudden urge
to tell you
what I want for Christmas.
That is not bizarre at all.
What do you want for Christmas?
[line trilling]
[Voicemail] It's Talia!
Leave a message.
[upbeat Christmas party music
plays in theater]
You beautiful, old,
working computer.
How did you know that?
All those years ago,
surethat your parents
couldn't afford it,
and sure you doubted
that they would even
be okay with it,
but despite all that,
you opened the gift.
And there you found
a clipboard,
a pair of dance shoes,
and a copy of Romeo and Juliet.
Yes. That's right.
The triple threat.
Directing, dancing, acting.
That was your pivotal gift.
This is who you're meant to be.
[players applaud]
Excuse me, everybody.
I have to take a short break.
How long have you
been standing there?
Long enough.
How'd you do that?
Do what?
Look at them. You've brought
back childhood wonder
to pretty much every
member of the troupe.
Are you really who
you say you are?
I haven't lied once.
How? How is this happening?
There is so much mystery
in the world.
There is so much we don't
understand about life,
existence and...
And love.
This is too much.
Yeah, you're telling me.
Hey, what'd you find out?
[clears throat] Actually,
some information that might
help us both get back on track.
Okay, so I was able
to connect to the
Channel 71 News Police Tracker
and you were right, Santa.
Oh, you don't have
to call me Santa.
That's who you are.
Well, I'm glad you get that now,
but call me Chris.
Santa's my dad.
Uh, right. Yeah.
Anyway, so here's the deal.
Seventeen minutes after Ricky
called in my plates,
there was a call from another
residence four blocks east.
A man in a Santa suit
and a female accomplice
stole a flash drive
from a safe on Vista Road.
Vista Road,
the real Santa Crooks.
That's right.
- So the former mayor...
- Hewitt Vance.
Hewitt Vance. That's what he's
sending this guy looking for?
- A flash drive?
- Exactly.
And if the police think
that my car belongs to
the real Santa Crook,
finding the flash drive
and returning it,
I can clear my name
and get to the bottom of this.
All while getting you
on the air by 5:00 AM
and having me deliver half
the world their gifts by 6:00.
Okay, so that gives us...
Four and a half hours.
[clears throat]
Uh, guys.
I think you should come
and look at this.
[Bink] Despite an exhaustive
manhunt involving several
law enforcement officers,
these fugitives are
still at large.
This artist's rendering
of the Santa Crook
and his accomplice have been
provided by a local
security company along with
license plates 9-9-9...
[Avery] I can't believe I'm a
breaking news story at 1:00 AM.
Is my nose really
that pronounced?
No. You have a cute nose.
Um, would you believe that
this is just a classic case
of mistaken identity?
We don't judge here.
And if anyone knows about
mistaken identity,
it's me.
As an actor, I can't even
tell you how many times
I've been mistaken for Leo.
No. DiGennaro from Tony's Pizza.
He's the delivery guy.
Folks, this is a wrap party,
so let's have some fun!
[people cheering]
[line trilling]
Yeah, I may have found them.
I'll get back to you.
I've called every cab company
in the area
and not a single one
is picking up.
We need some way to
track down the real thieves
and find that flash drive.
A couple of Kringle Coolers
on the house.
I found some stale
chocolate chip cookies.
Oh, wow!
Thank you, Tiny!
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What about your team?
I mean, you guys have a pretty
famous method of transportation
that may come in handy.
You're talking about the sleigh.
- Yeah.
- I tried calling them.
They didn't pick up.
They probably didn't
recognize the number.
Maybe they'll call back?
[phone ringing]
- Speak of the devil.
- Oh, I would never.
[phone ringing]
I just got an idea.
Dayton, Ohio Community Players.
[clears throat]
It's for you.
Hello? Oh, Dillon.
Yes, I can explain.
No, no. No, no, no, no.
I do not wanna talk to...
- [Santa] Christopher?
- Hey, Dad.
[Santa] Dillon tells me that
things have been rocky.
Yeah, no.
We got off to a bumpy start.
I'm definitely gonna finish.
Yes. Yeah.
[Santa] I'm not so sure
based on what I'm hearing.
No, I-I am. I'm owning it.
[Santa] Perhaps it's best
I take over your post.
No, no, no, you do not need
to come clean it up.
[Santa] This is your last chance
before I come down there myself.
- Dad, please do not come here.
- [Santa] Get back to work!
Dad. Dad. Dad?
[knocks on door]
Hey. Are you okay?
Yeah. Well...
I don't know.
I mean, I-I think so.
You wanna talk about it?
No. I'm okay, really.
So what's all this?
Oh, I mapped the 911 calls
from the past few nights.
And it turns out that
Santa Crook
stayed in the same general area.
They're tract houses,
so I pulled up
the development sites.
And every house hit
was the same model.
Maybe he's not done
for the night.
Wow. I'm impressed.
You got all that
information from the
Channel 71 Police Tracker?
Well, I admit.
I filled in a few blanks myself.
- Huh.
- Okay. Let's go.
So we need to find
the Santa Crooks and
that flash drive before
Vance and the cops find you.
Look, I appreciate all
of your help with this,
but you have your
own massive duties.
You should get back to them.
No. I'm not going to leave
you until I know for a fact
that you are safe.
Also, um, well,
I can't explain it,
but before I met you,
I was already having
a pretty rocky night.
Rebecca MacGregor was not
the first gift I misplaced.
But ever since I started working
with you,
I'm in the zone.
I feel more like
Santa than ever.
You sayin'
I'm your secret weapon?
Well, I'm not, not saying that.
this is meant to be.
Maybe I'm supposed to help you.
You have been helping me.
And maybe I can help you, too.
Merry Christmas, theater patron,
but unfortunately, we wrapped.
It's a private party.
I love parties.
I was wondering
if you've seen some people.
A young lady about 5'5"
was seen with...
There's no one like that here!
Okay. Well, you won't mind
if I take a look around.
I mind.
We all mind.
- Well, uh, if you should see...
- We won't.
Got it.
Bah, humbug!
Well, gotta leave sometime.
He's not budging.
[Avery] So, what? We're just
supposed to sit here all night?
I mean, that's perfect.
I miss my broadcast.
You don't finish your rounds,
and that's provided
we even stay alive.
Merry Christmas to us.
Hey now, don't panic.
We have a saying in the theater,
the show must go on.
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
We have a saying up north.
Sleigh bells and whistles,
candy cane and thistles.
[chuckles] Right?
Lewis, do you have...
Do you have any extra wigs?
Oh, honey.
What are you thinking?
Hold on one second.
What was that?
- Sleigh bells and...
- Whistles,
candy cane and thistles.
- What does that mean?
- Really, it's not clear?
Let's go, drama nerds.
They don't call us a traveling
theater troupe for nothing.
Load the van!
Very Merry Christmas to you,
my dear.
And to you good, sir.
Ho, ho, ho.
- Quick, quick, quick. Hop in.
- Thank you.
[engine starts]
- Oh, thank you.
- Bye, guys.
Thank you.
Hey, we cannot thank you enough.
Thank you.
Oh, please. It's Christmas.
This is the least I can do.
Now you go and show them
what you got.
Thank you.
How great were they?
- So I guess this is it.
- Yeah, I guess so.
[muffled screams]
You used to work for Vance
when he was mayor.
Yeah. You have the wrong people.
Look, you know, I just want to
make it easy for you.
Just tell us where the drive is.
We don't have it.
The people that you are looking
for are still out there.
You watch them. I'm just going
to go to her house.
And if she stashed it there,
I'll find it.
You're not going to find it!
We don't have it!
I guess we'll see.
I'm watching both of you.
Kidnapping is a felony.
Whatever's on that drive
must be crazy.
Yeah, we need to find out
what it is.
We? Have you forgot about
sunrise approaching?
I have plenty of time.
They mess with my secret weapon?
They're going down.
Hey, buddy.
Yeah. Good.
[Santa] Could you not have them
chew right into the phone?
- Stay on task.
- Right.
[Santa] I don't have to
remind you what will happen
- if this night is not rectified.
- Right.
[Santa] Go back to her house,
maybe he's returned.
That... that is a great idea, sir.
I mean, a super idea.
I just fed you.
[Santa] Do not make me
have to come down there
and take care of this.
I am already in my slippers.
Right. Of course, sir.
I got it.
[hangs up]
[line beeps]
Let's go.
- You need a hand with that?
- No, I'm good.
What is this?
No, no, no, no, no!
- Hey, hey!
- In you go.
Where you...
No, no, no.
Get in there...
[game music playing]
Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh.
Wow. I thought you were good
at tying people up.
It's no use.
And we were so close!
I could just hear everybody now,
the daughter of Sophie Ashburn
chokes again.
Sophie Ashburn?
Wait. The Sophie Ashburn
is your moth... Wow!
I mean, she is
a national treasure. Wow!
Yeah, I know.
Oh. Right.
I mean, I can relate.
Of course you can relate.
Your dad is Santa.
It's not enough to just
wear the boots.
You have to own the boots.
And every fear he had about
handing over the reins to me
has come to fruition tonight.
Not only will half the world's
kids not get their gifts,
the Santa title will be stripped
from my family's lineage. Oh...
All on my very first attempt.
Chris, I'm so sorry.
I shouldn't have dragged you
around with me all night
because I thought I needed to
break some big story.
You don't need to
break some big story.
You're already a journalist.
You are smart
and you are eloquent.
And you're beautiful.
Thank you for saying that.
But I don't feel like those
things. I feel like...
like a scared little kid
in the shadow of my mom.
Scared little kid?
I mean, would a scared little
kid have tried to bring in
a known thief to the police?
Would a scared little kid
have stood up to
a highly skilled private
security guard?
Would a scared little kid have
the courage to
stand on the stage in front of
a roomful of people
and deliver a perfect monologue?
You, Avery Quinn,
are not a scared little kid.
Thank you.
We may not be our parents,
but we can be great
in our own way.
Open, sesame!
That's not very polite!
We got him!
I can feel the calluses
on your hands!
We caught the Santa Crook!
Suit's a rental, pal!
All right!
Well... no, no, no, no.
Uh, what is this?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
What's going on?
Who are...
Put me through.
Don't move.
I don't know what they're into,
I'm not...
- Quiet!
- Okay!
[Woman] Honey, shh.
What about you? Where'd you get
your suit from, huh?
My mom made it.
Where'd you get yours?
Okay, drive, where are you?
Come on!
[phone ringing]
Yeah, boss?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, they're definitely
searching for that drive.
I get why the mistaken identity.
Those two look exactly like us.
[Avery] Sure, when they're
facing that direction.
Oh, yes. Help me.
- Got it?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why'd they drag you two in here?
I don't know. You know...
They mentioned something
about a drive?
What about you?
We could think of
a reason or two.
Hey, are you the
Fake Santa Crook?
I'm a big fan
of vigilante justice.
And he has been
all over the news.
They talk about him
an awful lot, don't they?
- It is you. Wow.
- Yeah.
And just him,
like I'm barely here, huh?
- Here we go.
- Oh please.
It's all good to talk except for
when the talk's about me?
- It begins.
- Come on.
It's about us.
No, it's never about us,
it's always about you.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is!
And if we were
the Santa Crooks... plural...
What's it to you? Huh?
Nothing. We're just,
you know, curious people.
Wait a second.
- What's changed?
- Something's changed.
The weather.
Yeah, weather is
changing constantly.
Snow, sleet...
- Hail.
- Yeah, yeah.
Subtle, but different.
Do you have a favorite
snow form?
You ask a lot of questions.
- Curious people.
- Curiosity. Yeah.
Like, what do you think
is on that drive?
We don't know what's on it.
And we don't really care.
We weren't supposed to look.
Did you know that
there would be a drive?
Did somebody put you up to this?
We're not saying anything
without a lawyer.
We gotta figure
a way out of here.
They're still expecting us
at the drop at 3AM!
I don't even know the address.
I wrote it on a Post-it,
stuck it on the flash drive,
and it's in the bag.
What do you want me to do?
Walk right in there and grab it?
And this is why...
- That's what we have to do.
- Yeah.
[Crook] I'm a little
tied up at the moment, honey.
He's got it.
- Yeah, he has it.
- Yeah, yeah.
We should take a run for it.
Max! I found the flash drive!
I gotta call the boss.
Let's go! Let's just go!
Let's just go!
Okay, go!
Go, go, go!
Don't you dare!
Don't you dare! Get back here!
- Could you help us out...
- You get back here!
- Hey!
- Come on!
[Crook] You're the worst
Santa ever!
- You get it?
- Yes!
We have to go see
who's waiting for the drop.
You are a gutsy lady,
Avery Quinn.
Maybe I can break this,
clear my name
and then we can save Christmas!
- Okay.
- Okay.
Wait. Where are you going?
Okay, that way,
that way, that way.
I don't know where we are,
at all.
I don't know either.
[phone buzzing]
You got it.
Oh, nice work.
Okay, I'll be right there.
I'll let the big guy know
that it's been recovered.
[windchimes clinking]
Merry Christmas to me.
Go, go, go!
Go, go!
Seriously? Seriously?
I leave for five minutes
and the drive's gone.
What happened?
I-I-I don't know, we just turned
our back for a second.
They were gone. I don't know.
I checked out back.
They're not there. I don't know.
They're gone.
- Who are these two?
- Chris! Chris!
You know what? Never mind.
Spread out. Get me that drive.
Now! Now!
Look, boss, I don't know what
you want me to say. I'm sorry.
Look, we'll find them.
We'll find them.
Come on!
They're so bad at tying people.
Ow, jeez!
Oh, there's no taxis. It's
Christmas Eve, it makes sense.
Neither of us have phones.
Sorry about that, by the way.
Ah, that's okay. But I do need
to get in touch with my people.
Let them know that I haven't
abandoned my duties.
Hey. Hey, Chris.
The lights are on.
They'll have a phone.
We can call two taxis,
one to get me to the corner
of 14 and Chestnut by 3AM
to see who's waiting
for the drive
and then one to take you
to go meet your team.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, no. I'm not going to let you
just wait on
some random street corner
at 3AM.
Uh, well, how much time
do we have?
It's 2:43.
Okay, We can totally make this.
You can finish your...
Your rounds.
And I can break whatever this is
wide open
on local television.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Oh! Come here, come on.
Okay, come on.
Let's go. Let's go.
A taxi!
Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey!
- Hey. Hey, hey!
- Hey! No!
- Oh, oh. Go, go, go.
- Seriously?
Really don't wanna give up,
do they. Is it open?
Come on, one of these
has to be open.
Oh, hey. This one's open.
Go, go, go, go, go.
- Take your coat down.
- What?
It's too obvious.
- Trust me.
- What?
Oh! Merry Christmas!
Hey, come on!
Let's go.
Wow, I uh...
Uh yeah. You know, they were
looking for us. Not a couple.
Yeah, decoy.
But it was...
It was... s-smart.
- Oh!
- Oh!
- Oh...
- Oh, he has a phone...
Come on, big money
face recognition, let's go.
We are cooking with gas,
he's got the app.
Sign in...
Four minutes.
Wow. You are very resourceful.
- Hey, Avery, your hat.
- What?
Tony's Pizza!
Thanks, buddy.
We were never here.
Who is that?
Hey, fellow Santa Crook.
You wanna thieve us a way home?
- Hey! This one's open.
- [laughs]
Can hotwire it.
All right. Okay, here we go.
Um, can you circle the block and
meet us at the top?
- [Driver] No problem.
- Thank you.
Right on time.
[Avery gasps]
Oh, this feels like
we're on a stakeout.
We're on a Christmas stakeout.
I mean, I've never
really been on one,
but I imagine it would
feel like this.
So now what?
I need to get
a closer look, come here.
Frank, we need to get home.
The kids are going to be up
in a few hours,
and I'd like to get some sleep.
Me? You are always
the last to leave a party.
- Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk...
- Merry Christmas...
It's all starting to make sense.
First, Vance's guys
are after us.
And the person waiting for that
that drive is Elizabeth Mayhew,
Peter Mayhew's wife.
Wait, I don't know who that is.
Right? Of course not.
You North Polers
wouldn't follow Dayton politics.
So Peter Mayhew used to
work for the former mayor,
but he accused him
of stealing funds
from this foundation he started
that provides Christmas for
people who can't afford it.
Peter got fired, tried to sue
for wrongful termination,
but lost. Nobody believes him
because Vance was the mayor.
And now he's such
an upstanding citizen.
So whatever's on this drive
has something to do with
the conflict btween those two.
Peter insists he's seen
two sets of accounting records
- for the charity.
- Okay.
And if they're on there,
this Peter guy ivindicated.
I mean, it kind of feels like
Peter has set up a string of
robberies to make it look like
some serial theft ring,
when, in fact,
he's only targeting one safe,
Vance's, to get that drive.
I break this,
and they're both going down.
Wow, Avery, that's,
that's really smart.
- That's very impressive.
- If I'm right.
Well, I'm definitely
rooting for you.
So at least one of us
will have a successful evening.
Hey, there's still time.
- Okay, go. Let's go.
- Yeah.
- Go, go, go.
- Okay.
[siren chirping]
Aw, come on, man. Not now.
- Not now.
- No, we got this. It's fine.
It's fine, we can...
[indistinct radio chatter]
You're sweating right now,
profusely. Wipe or something.
We'll just be cool.
We'll be cool,
take a big breath.
- Step out of the car, please.
- Yeah, of course. Yeah.
Stay cool, stay cool.
There a problem, Sarge... uh,
There a problem?
This car was reported
stolen this evening.
Hands up, both of you.
This is Billings,
I need backup at the corner of
Alvarado and Fourth.
I think I got the Santa Crook,
Santa Crooks, plural.
Both of us.
Thanks, Carl. Five stars.
I need to get my computer.
I need to write it up.
I need to send it to Nancy.
We have plenty of time.
We can still get back on track.
You can still have all your
deliveries done, it will be no...
Oh! That's what
happened to my phone.
It still works.
- I can call Dillon...
- Have him meet you here.
- Great.
- Yes!
Okay, all right.
Wait back here.
[Chris] All right, I understand.
Thanks, Dillon.
Oh wow. Look at this place.
Avery, I am so sorry.
I'll cry about it tomorrow.
Right now, I just need to see
if this works.
So Dillon and my dad are coming.
Santa's coming?
That is not good news.
Right. Sorry.
Just tell him it's all my fault.
That's not a lie.
I tied you up. I'm the one
that ruined Christmas.
There are rules to my job,
and I have broken most of them.
But none of the ones
that really count.
I mean, you have been nothing
but kind and, and generous
and caring. I mean, the way
you've helped me
and how you inspired
that entire acting troupe,
it all came so naturally.
You are
So if you need me to tell
your dad that you are 100%
owning those boots, I will.
Thank you.
Tell me what now?
Oh, hello, Avery.
Please, elucidate me.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
This job is your destiny.
He cannot take that
away from you.
Dad, you didn't need
to come here tonight.
Evidently, I did.
Look, I know I messed up, and
I know that you keep telling me
that I have to make it my own
and that I'm not fully in it.
But tonight...
Tonight you should have seen me.
Oh, when you went AWOL?
Apparently you were fraternizing
with thespians.
Okay. I wasn't perfect
at every moment,
but I was exactly where
I needed to be.
And I will get the job done
before sunrise. I promise.
Dad, all night
I was struggling to
to find my skills,
to remember people's
pivotal gifts.
But then I remembered something.
I remember the gift that you
gave me all those years ago.
I was four years old
and it was just...
- It was just a small bear.
- [chuckles]
But when I held that bear,
I felt loved.
I felt seen.
That gift, that gift...
Your pivotal gift.
That gift made me realize that
this is who I am supposed to be.
That want to give people that
exact same feeling.
That's what I call
owning your boots.
You're not mad?
Oh, I'm furious.
With myself.
I was too hard on you.
I should have known that
you had it in you all along.
Now, go on.
You have a job to do.
Proud of you, Son.
Thanks, Dad.
[phone buzzing]
[Vance] Well?
We haven't been able to find her
[Vance] Clearly I can't trust
you to handle things.
I'm sorry, sir.
She got away.
[Vance] She has to go home
some time.
I'm heading to her place now.
She'll give me that drive.
You got it.
I was right, there are
two sets of accounting records
for the charity.
Former mayor has been a very
naughty boy this year.
I wouldn't say
I've been naughty.
But my boys tell me you have.
I've done a lot of good,
I bring Christmas joy
to people who otherwise wouldn't
get the chance to celebrate.
Well, that's a bunch of
Yeah. I don't really understand
how a $45,000 office renovation
or trips on private jets
or a Ferrari
bring much joy
to those less fortunate.
Peter Mayhew was right
about you.
You don't have the whole story.
Oh, but I do, Hewie Vance.
You're the same Hewie Vance who
grew up in government housing,
You struggled to overcome
parents weren't quite fit
for the role
and built a life yourself,
using your sheer will
and the gift of your intellect.
But you, Hewie, you let the
troubles of your past
infect your soul with greed.
So, yes,
we do have the whole story.
Including the ending right here.
Listen, I don't know what
you got going on here,
but I'm a reasonable man.
I'm also a very powerful one.
Give me the thumb drive
and the laptop
and we can all just carry on.
I'm not messing around.
Fine. Take it.
See, you're a smart one.
I already sent the files
to the station,
so if anything happens to me
or anyone else here,
they'll know who to look for.
- Well done, young lady.
- Thanks, Santa.
Oh, and Hewie?
I think that we should mention
that you entering here
you've officially trespassed
private property.
[sirens wailing in distance]
Freeze Hewie!
All right, boys.
Book 'em!
I never voted for you anyways.
Wait! What time is it?
Uh, 4:46.
Okay, that's just over
an hour till sunrise
and I'm supposed to be
on the air in 14 minutes!
It's okay.
We'll head out the back door.
Dad, Dillon,
we're giving Avery a ride.
There's no way she would miss
this. Something is wrong!
Coffee's up!
- Talia.
- Yeah?
- Can you read?
- Of course.
If Avery doesn't make it in,
you're going on.
No, no, no, no.
Absolutely not.
Wardrobe! Anybody.
I need a blazer for Talia, now!
No blazer!
No, no, no.
Blazer! Blazer!
Get my email in front of Nancy
and have the graphics team
start working on it.
This is real.
It's beautiful, isn't it?
- Your chariot awaits.
- [laughs]
Oh, six minutes!
We're never going to make it.
Not to worry.
This vehicle functions outside
of linear time and space.
We'll get you there on time.
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
You're gonna be fine.
Pretend they're all
in their underwear.
All three million of them?
I have faith in you, Talia.
Okay. [chuckles]
It's from Avery.
Wait, is this real?
It's three minutes to air,
Avery, where are you?
Here, read that.
This story's gonna be huge.
No, Nancy.
Whoa! Look at me. I'm a mess.
I can't... I can't do this
at the best of times.
There's no way
I'm gonna be a... thank you...
Able to do this rushed.
You can do this.
I believe in you.
Avery, you got this.
So do you. You have an hour.
Go, go, go.
The children of the Western
Hemisphere are waiting.
Okay, let's go.
I'm here. I'm here. I'm here.
Sorry. Sorry.
I'm here. I'm here.
Whoop, sorry!
I'll get that later.
I'm here.
Oh, yes!
Is everybody
using everything today?
[Woman] And we're on
in five, four...
[Woman] ...three, two...
Good morning, Dayton,
and Merry Christmas.
I'm Avery Quinn,
in for Misty McAllen.
In breaking news,
former mayor Hewitt Vance
has been a very naughty boy
this Christmas.
Channel 71
has learned exclusively
that previous allegations
made by Peter Mayhew
are, in fact, true.
Channel 71 learned that the
string of robberies
was actually an elaborate plan
concocted by Peter Mayhew
to recover the evidence.
That's my girl.
I could have done this.
[Avery] It seems both men
are in for an unwelcome gift
this Christmas.
I'd say trespassing is
the least of your worries.
And that concludes
the story of the Santa Crooks,
the philanthropist
and a wild ride
of mistaken identity
which included yours truly.
And coming up after the break,
Beyonc sings for the troops
this holiday season.
Channel 71 has the story.
Stay tuned.
[joyful laughter]
Oh! So proud of you.
You did it!
Wow. Look at you,
What are you doing here?
You're a mess.
A beautiful, wonderful mess.
Yes, I am a mess.
But I'm a mess with
a weekend anchor job,
so I don't really care.
- You got the gig?
- I got the gig.
Oh, Avery. Congratulations!
Thank you. I couldn't have done
it without you.
Yes, you could have.
No, I mean, I literally would
not have made it here
without you. I don't even
know where my car is.
Wait, hold on. What about you?
Did you finish your rounds?
Mm-hmm. All except one gift.
- For me?
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, all this talk of
owning our boots.
I thought this
would be a reminder
about how you really did.
Also, it might come in handy
if you ever decide to visit me
up north.
I'd like that.
So are you Chris Kringle?
Oh no, no. Vanderschmidt.
The Kringles were
a lot of Santas ago.
- Right.
- Yes.
Well, Chris Vanderschmidt,
that was a heck of a night.
Sure was. Crazy, unexpected.
A little dangerous.
Definitely one for the books.
I can't believe
you pulled it off.
Um... did you just do that?
Golden lights shimmer
all round
Snow is fallin'
at the window now
Candy canes and gingerbread
So I know we had a pretty late
night, but
how do you feel about
having breakfast someplace warm?
What are you thinking?
have you ever been to Bali?
- Seriously?
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, hey guys.
After you.
This is crazy.
Wait, what are we
supposed to tell people
if they ask how we met?
Well, I guess we can just tell
them that it was
a Christmas miracle.
Sure. Yeah.
They'll totally buy that.
Merry Christmas, Avery.
Merry Christmas, Santa.
It's only Christmas
if it's Christmas with you