Chairman of the Board (1998) Movie Script

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
TRIMARK HOME VIDEO
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE DOING FINE.
KEEP PUSHING.
YOU CAN DO IT,
HONEY. BREATHE.
BREATHE.
HEY! THAT'S ME!
WHEN I WAS A BABY,
OF COURSE.
HI! MY NAME'S EDISON.
THAT'S MY DAD!
NOTICE THE RESEMBLANCE?
AND THERE'S MY MOM.
MY FRIENDS ALL SAY I HAVE
A HYPERACTIVE IMAGINATION.
BUT I SWEAR, AS FAR BACK
AS I CAN REMEMBER,
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
TO BECOME AN INVENTOR.
SOME KIDS WANT TO BE DOCTORS
WHEN THEY GROW UP.
OTHERS WANT TO BE LAWYERS
OR PRO BASEBALL PLAYERS.
NOT ME.
BEING AN INVENTOR IS JUSSOMETHING I WAS BORN TO DO.
[BABY BABBLES]
IT'S A BOY!
[YEOW]
TALKIN' 'BOUT GOOD TIME
GOOD TIME
GOOD, GOOD TIME,
TALKIN' 'BOUT GOOD TIME
GOOD TIME
GOOD, GOOD TIME,
TALKIN' 'BOUT GOOD TIME
[ARF ARF]
GOOD, GOOD TIME,
TALKIN' 'BOUT GOOD TIME
GOOD TIME
GOOD, GOOD TIME
WE'RE GONNA GO TOTAL,
WE GOT NOWHERE TO GO
SOMEONE DROPPED OUR PLANE
INSIDE A MOVIE SHOW
[RARRRR]
[BURRRP]
AND WITH MY FRIENDS
HAVING FUN
TALKIN' 'BOUT GOOD TIME
GOOD TIME
GOOD, GOOD TIME,
TALKIN' 'BOUT GOOD TIME
GOOD TIME
GOOD, GOOD TIME,
TALKIN' 'BOUT GOOD TIME
GOOD TIME
GOOD, GOOD TIME,
TALKIN' 'BOUT GOOD TIME
GOOD TIME
TALKIN' 'BOUT GOOD TIME
[ALARM BELL RINGS]
[GROANS]
OH, MY EDISON.
YOU WERE INCREDIBLE
LAST NIGHT.
OH, YOU ANIMAL.
STOP IT.
MY WHOLE BODY IS STILL
TINGLING, EDISON.
I WANT YOU.
NOT THIS MORNING, GIRLS.
I NEED MY SLEEP.
I WANT YOU.
WHY DID I
EVER BUILD YOU?!
[ALARM CLOCK PLAYS
BUGLE
CHARGE]
OH, EDISON.
GOOD MORNING AND WELCOME
TO YOUR NEW DAY.
YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS
TO GET OUT OF BED. 10...
TO SLEEP.
Clock: 9...8...
7...
GOING TO SLEEP.
GOING TO SLEEP.
6...5...
4...3...
2...1...
HAVE A NICE TRIP.
COCKA-DOODLE-DOO!
LIFT OFF!
AAH!
I'M UP.
MISSION CONTROL,
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL DAY
OUT HERE IN SPACE.
ROGER, 10-4, COPY 1-8.
MISSION CONTROL, THINGS
ARE LOOKING GOOD UP HERE.
EVERYTHING'S SMOOTH
AND DANDY!
ROGER. COPY. WE GOT 10 SECONDS
TILL WE OPEN THE POD BAY DOORS.
NEGATIVE, COMMANDER. WE HAVE
AN ALIEN IN YOUR VICINITY.
WHOOP. WHOOP. WHOOP.
HOUSTON, WE GOT A PROBLEM!
THIS HIDEOUS SPACE BEASJUST DEVOURED 6 OF MY MEN!
UHNNNN!
NOW, THIS IS YOUR BATHROOM,
AND THIS IS YOUR SHOWER.
AAH! IT'S THE ALIEN!
OHH!
MRS. KRUBAVITCH, PLEASE,
WHAT'S GOING ON?
MAYBE WE SHOULD
COME BACK LATER.
OH, NOW,
DON'T YOU WORRY.
I'LL HAVE THIS PLACE
FUMIGATED AND STERILIZED
AS SOON AS THE MUTANIS GONE.
[FLUSH]
AAH-AAH-AAAA!
THIS, MY DEARS,
THIS IS THE KITCHEN.
IT LOOKED BETTER WHEN
IT WAS A CRACK HOUSE.
BUT ALL THE APPLIANCES
ARE INCLUDED.
[YEOW]
OH! OH! OH!
OH, THE DINING ROOM.
COME TO THE DINING ROOM.
WAIT TILL YOU SEE
THE BEAUTIFUL DINING ROOM.
HO HO! DUDE!
THAT'S GNARLY,
HOW YOU SHOTHROUGH THAT TUBE.
YEAH. REMINDS ME OF THE TIME
I ACED THAT TSUNAMI
OFF THE COAST OF GUAM
WHEN I WAS IN KINDERGARTEN.
IT'LL BE PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL
WHEN WE BURN ALL THIS JUNK.
WHAT'S UP?
HEY, WHAT'S
GOING ON?
THIS IS THE LIVING ROOM.
COULDN'T YOU JUST--
MRS. KRUBAVITCH!
WHAT IS GOING ON?
YOU'RE BEING
EVICTED.
THAT'S WHAT,
TURD BREATH.
EVICTED? WHY?
WHY? BECAUSE YOU SCUM-SUCKING,
SALTWATER-CLOGGED,
LARD ASS, DEADBEATS,
SLACKAHOLIC FREELOADERS
CAN'T AFFORD THIS PLACE.
YOU CAN'T EVEN
AFFORD CLOTHES.
[QUACK]
NICE DUCK.
COVER YOURSELF, MAN.
ON 3. 3.
THANK YOU.
YOU MORONS OWE ME
3 MONTHS' BACK RENT.
WAIT!
3 MONTHS! THAT'S
TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE.
IT'S BEEN EDISON'S TURN
TO PAY THE RENT. THERE.
TELL ME YOU DID NOSPEND THE RENT MONEY
ON ANOTHER ONE
OF YOUR GADGETS.
OHHH!
GUYS, I'M SORRY! BUT, GUYS,
LOOK, I'M TELLING YOU
THIS IS THE SURE-FIRE WINNER.
IT'S THE PET ROCK
FOR THE NINETIES.
THAT'S WHAYOU SAID ABOUTHE ANATOMICALLY-CORRECFANNY PACK.
LOOK AT THAT MAN.
THAT'S NASTY.
NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S PERFECFOR NUDE BEACHES.
OH, AND LET'S NOFORGET THE GLO-GUNK,
FOR NIGHT SURFING.
OH, YEAH.
THAT COST US ABOUT,
WHAT, 2 MONTHS' RENT?
REMEMBER THE NIGHWE ALL DIPPED HER, HUH?
LET'S NOT FORGETHE HANDY-DANDY
KETCHUP HELPER.
OVER 11 SOLD!
AND YOUR GRANDMOTHER
BOUGHT 10 OF 'EM.
THOUGHT YOU GUYS
LIKED THEM.
WE LOVE 'EM...
BUT THE REST OF
THE WORLD DOESN'T.
WE GOT BOXES OF YOUR
GET-RICH-QUICK SCHEMES
OUT IN THE GARAGE
GATHERING MAJOR DUST.
NO MORE MS. SUNSHINE
FOR YOU THREE.
I WANT MY MONEY NOW!
I'LL TAKE CARE OF CUJO.
MRS. KRUBAVITCH, LOOK, WE
GO BACK A LONG TIME, RIGHT?
WE HAVE THAT WARM,
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP.
CAN I CALL YOU MOM?
YECCH.
WE LOVE YOU.
THAT LOVE CRAP
DOESN'T WORK WITH ME.
OK. I'M GONNA LEVEL
WITH YOU, ALL RIGHT?
WE'RE KIND OF GOING THROUGH
A NEGATIVE CASH FLOW SITUATION,
ALL RIGHT?
KIND OF A PERSONAL RECESSION.
BUT, HEY!
HOW ABOUT THIS,
A LIFETIME SUPPLY
OF THESE?
MY FAVORITE INVENTION.
A SLURPY CUP WITH
A HEATER ON IT. WATCH.
[SLURPS]
THIS WAY, NO BRAIN FREEZE.
BRILLIANT, HUH?
IF I DON'T HAVE MY MONEY
BY THE END OF THE MONTH,
I'LL HAVE YOUR SKANKY,
DINGLEBERRY-RIDDEN ASSES
TOSSED OUT OF HERE.
YOU GOT THAT?!
YES, SIR.
YOU OK?
[GROANS]
THAT WAS INTENSE.
YEAH. SHE SURE KNOWS
A LOT OF ADJECTIVES.
TRUST ME, GUYS.
I'VE GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL.
IT TOOK ME MONTHS
AND MONTHS,
BUT I FINALLY GOTHAT MEETING
AT THE GADGET CITY
COMPANY.
THEY'RE GONNA GO
NUTS FOR MY IDEAS.
Edison: WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THIS ONE?
IT'S A BLOW DRYER
FOR BALD GUYS.
I CALL ITHE "JIMMY BUFF-IT."
NEXT!
WHAT? DID YOU
SAY SOMETHING?
NEXT!
OK. HOLD ON. I GOT MORE.
HOLD ON TO THIS.
CHECK IT OUT. IT'S A BASEBALL
BAT FOR BASEBALL PLAYERS.
YOU SEE, THIS WAY THEY
CAN GRAB THEIR NUTS
AND STILL CONCENTRATE
ON HITTING THE BALL.
NEXT.
DON'T WORRY. ONE MORE.
NO. I MEANT NEXT...
AS IN GET...OUT!
I STILL GOPLENTY MORE STUFF.
HAVE I SHOWN
THE SLIGHTEST BIOF INTEREST IN ANY ONE
OF YOUR IDEAS?
NO, BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE
JUST PLAYING HARD TO GET.
LOOK, LET ME EXPLAIN
SOMETHING TO YOU.
I'M AFRAID YOU ARE NOGADGET CITY MATERIAL.
YOU SEE, WE CATER
TO THE FAMILY MAN,
THE BUSINESS TRAVELER,
THE NORMAL EARTH-DWELLING
HUMAN BEING.
NOW, FRANKLY,
YOUR INVENTIONS...
YEAH...
SUCK!
OK, ONE MORE, OK?
AND THEN I PROMISE I'LL GO.
LOOK, NOW, I'VE SAVED
THE BEST FOR LAST.
DON'T FEEL LIKE WEARING
ALL THAT SLOPPY BUG SPRAY?
JUST WEAR ONE OF THESE.
THE BUG ZAPPER HAT.
NOW NO MORE PESKY INSECTS
RUINING YOUR FAMILY PICNIC.
AND, LOOK, IT EVEN WORKS
WITH KILLER BEES.
FLY! BE FREE!
[SCREAMS]
TRY NOT TO BE SCARED.
THEY CAN SENSE FEAR.
DO WE HAVE A DEAL?
ACCORDING TO MY CALCULATIONS,
WITH TY'S $102.37
AND MY $50
AND YOUR 25 CENTS,
THAT MAKES
A GRAND TOTAL OF...
$318.03.
WAIT A MINUTE.
LET ME SEE THAT.
TAKE A LOOK.
OH, MAN!
WHERE'D IT GO?
ZAK.
DRASTIC TIMES CALLS
FOR DRASTIC MEASURES.
I HAVE SEARCHED
MY INFINITE WISDOM
OF WORLDLY KNOWLEDGE,
AND IT TOLD ME YOU NEED
TO GET A...A JOB!
LIKE A JOB JOB?
GOOD JOB.
ONCE AGAIN, PLEASE.
I'M NOT CUT OUT FOR THESE
ENTRY LEVEL POSITIONS.
MMM, PERFECT.
DON'T PULL!
WHAT DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE DOING?
JUST TESTING
THE PRODUCT, SIR.
THE NEW FRENCH TICKLER
IS A REAL WINNER.
HI, DADDY.
YOU'RE FIRED!
[PIANO PLAYS SCALES]
[GIRL VOCALIZES SCALES]
P.A.: NEXT.
THAT'S ME.
WISH ME LUCK, GIRLS.
I'M SORRY,
BUT I'M NEXT.
NO. I WAS STANDING RIGHT HERE,
WHICH MEANS IT'S MY TURN.
IS NOT!
IS SO.
IS SO!
IS NOT!
HASN'T ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU
IT'S NOT POLITE TO
DISRESPECT YOUR ELDERS?
WHY, YOU LITTLE...
GET HIM, GIRLS.
YAAH!
[PUNCHES]
Edison: YOU'RE GONNA PAY!
BOTH YOU LITTLE...AAH!
OWW! NO, ANNIES, NO!
MINE'S NOT A WIG! OWW!
GOD! THAT'S GONNA SHOW.
NEXT ACTRESS, PLEASE.
[PIANO INTRO]
TOMORROW
NO...NO...
NO...
LOOK AT ALL THESE JOBS.
Motorist: WATCH
WHERE YOU'RE DRIVING!
I'VE GOT CRUISE CONTROL.
Cruise control: STEADY
AS SHE GOES, CAPTAIN.
"PHONE SEX OPERATOR."
HEY HEY HEY HEY!
HMM, THEN I'LL BE
TALKING TO MYSELF.
NEED A HAND?
AH, SHE'S GONE
TEMPERAMENTAL ON ME.
2 GREATEST MYSTERIES IN LIFE:
CAR REPAIR AND WOMEN.
AND CHEEZ WHIZ.
4 YEARS OF CHEMISTRY,
AND I STILL DON'T HAVE
A CLUE WHAT'S IN IT.
NICE CAR, MAN.
AT LEAST IT'S A NICE DAY
FOR A BREAKDOWN.
MIND IF I HAVE A LOOK?
GO AHEAD.
OH, THAT'S DEFINITELY
NOT IT.
DOESN'T LOOK GOOD,
DOES IT?
HOW OLD IS THIS
WINDSHIELD WIPER FLUID?
YOU SHOULD CHANGE THAT.
AH, I SEE THE PROBLEM.
I'LL GET MY TOOLS.
OHH!
THAT'LL HURIN THE MORNING.
THIS SHOULDN'T TAKE LONG.
BUT IN THE MEANTIME,
TAKE A LOAD OFF.
HEY, LOOK AT THIS,
WILL YA?
[BEEPER BEEPS]
OH, GODDAMN PILLS.
DOCTOR'S GOT ME
TAKING SO MANY,
I RATTLE WHEN I WALK.
I'VE GOT JUST THE THING
TO WASH THEM DOWN WITH.
HEY, THAT'S INGENIOUS.
TA-DA!
AHH, MMM.
HEY, NOT BAD.
GOOD STUFF, HUH?
YOU GOT THIS THING RIGGED UP
WITH ALL THE AMENITIES.
YOU SHOULD SEE THE
ALARM IN THIS BABY.
IT'S A REAL KICKER.
HEY, LISTEN,
THANKS FOR EVERYTHING.
I'M ARMAND McMILLAN.
EDISON.
I'LL GET MY TOOLS.
COME OUT. COME OUT.
HERE WE GO.
COME ON OUT,
LITTLE BUDDY.
UP! UP!
YOU LITTLE...
[HUMMING]
WHAT THE--
DON'T NEED THAT.
OR THAT.
LOOK AT ALL
THIS WASTED METAL.
YOU SURE I CAN'GIVE YOU A HAND?
NO. GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL.
OHH! AAAH!
GET IT OFF ME!
OHH...
WHOO!
HO HO HO. THERE.
YOU SURE YOU'RE OK?
I THINK MY NUTS HAVE FINALLY
DROPPED BACK INTO PLACE.
DID FIND THE PROBLEM THOUGH.
BROKEN FAN BELT.
NOTHING A COUPLE
OF BUCKS CAN'T FIX.
EDISON, YOU ARE
A TRUE GENTLEMAN.
NO PROBLEM. CAN I
DRIVE YOU TO A PHONE?
NO, BUT I'D APPRECIATE
A RIDE TO THE BEACH.
I THINK
I STILL HAVE TIME
TO SHRED A FEW WAVES
BEFORE SUNSET.
YOU SURF?!
HA HA!
IT'S STYLIN', BUD!
SHRED THE TUBE, ARMAND.
YEAH!
ARMAND, LOOK, NO HANDS.
EDISON! WATCH OUFOR THE ROCK!
OHHH!
DON'T WORRY. I GOAN EMERGENCY BRAKE.
AAAAAH!
[SPLAT]
OH! THAT HAD TO HURT.
ARMAND, YOU WERE RADICAL
OUT THERE TODAY.
HA HA. THANKS.
I'VE HAD A FEW CENTURIES
OF PRACTICE, REMEMBER?
YEAH, RIGHT.
WHOO!
HEY, WHAT'S THAT?
OH, JUST SOME OF MY
WHACKED OUT INVENTION IDEAS.
INVENTION?
MAY I SEE IT?
SURE.
YEAH, LOOK AT THESE,
WILL YOU?
YOU GOT A GOOD HEAD
ON YOUR SHOULDERS.
WEIRD HAIR, BUT A GOOD HEAD.
THANKS.
EVER SINCE I WAS A KID,
I ALWAYS THOUGHIT WOULD BE RADICAL
IF I COULD CREATE
SOMETHING
EVERYONE ON THE PLANEWOULD NEED.
YOU KNOW,
LIKE THE CAN OPENER
OR THE TOOTHBRUSH
OR EDIBLE UNDERWEAR.
YEAH...
UNFORTUNATELY, EVERYBODY
THINKS MY IDEAS SUCK.
MAYBE THE WORLD JUST NEEDS
TO CATCH UP WITH YOUR IDEAS.
YEAH. GIVE OR TAKE
A FEW THOUSAND YEARS.
HEY, NOW, THIS ONE.
NOW, THAT HAS
A GREAT POTENTIAL.
YOU'RE HOLDING IUPSIDE-DOWN.
IT'S UPSIDE-DOWN.
DOESN'T MATTER.
WELL...
I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON THAT ONE FOREVER.
DOUBT I'LL EVER
CRACK IT.
YOU WILL. DON'T BE
SO HARD ON YOURSELF.
YOU JUST GOT TO HANG
IN THERE.
IT'S GOOD WORK.
THANKS, ARMAND.
NO ONE'S EVER BELIEVED
IN MY STUFF BEFORE.
AH, THEY WILL.
ONE DAY
YOU'LL COME UP
WITH YOUR
OWN VERSION
OF THE LIGHT BULB.
COOL.
KID, YOU REMIND ME
OF MYSELF
WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.
Zak: MAN, YOU LOOK LIKE
ROAD KILL. WHAT HAPPENED?
I GOT FIRED!
AGAIN?
WHAT'D YOU DO
THIS TIME, EINSTEIN?
NOTHING!
ALL RIGHT, I ACCIDENTALLY
KNOCKED OVER A SODA.
THAT'S IT?
IT WAS A CASE OF SODA.
SO?
ALL RIGHT,
A SODA MACHINE.
THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
THE BOSS STARTED CHEWING ME
OUT IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.
THERE'S ONLY SO MUCH
I'M WILLING TO TAKE.
SO I PECKED HIM!
THINGS GOT PRETTY UGLY
AFTER THAT.
HE THREW A PUNCH.
I THREW A WING.
SOON THERE WAS LEGS
AND BREASTS EVERYWHERE.
IT WASN'T PRETTY.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
TELEGRAM!
WHAT ELSE COULD GO WRONG?
TELEGRAM.
HOW YOU DOING?
WHICH ONE OF YOU
IS EDISON?
THAT'D BE BIG BIRD.
MOI.
OH, THANKS, MAN.
RIGHT.
UNHH!
DON'T SCRAMBLE IT ALL
IN ONE PLACE.
HAVE A GOOD ONE, BUDDY.
COOL! ED McMAHON SENT ME
SOMETHING, PROBABLY.
NO...
WHAT'S UP?
NO...
DEARLY BELOVED,
WE ARE GATHERED HERE
TO PAY OUR RESPECTS
TO THE MEMORY
OF A GREAT MAN,
A GREAT MAN STRUCK DOWN
IN THE PRIME OF HIS LIFE...
BY AN ILLNESS
HE FOUGHT SO LONG.
THAT MAN IS
ARMAND MAYBANK McMILLAN...
[CRYING] MMM.
HUMANITARIAN
AND FRIEND TO ALL.
WHAT MADE
ARMAND McMILLAN GREAT...
AS HE TREKKED DOWN
THE CORRIDORS OF LIFE?
BRADFORD?
WHAT?
HEY...
I'M SO SORRY
ABOUT YOUR UNCLE.
I'M GOING TO MISS HIM, TOO.
I DON'T THINK I
CAN BE ALONE TONIGHT.
OH, BRADFORD.
ARMAND WOULD HAVE WANTED US
TO COMFORT EACH OTHER.
BRADFORD!
YOU ARE UNBELIEVABLE!
IN A GOOD WAY?
HE COULD LISTEN
TO THE BIRDS...
I LOVE A WOMAN
IN MOURNING.
I'M LATE. I'M LATE.
I'M LATE.
[WHISTLES]
I'M A TAD UNDERDRESSED.
WHEN I FIRST MET ARMAND...
I WAS SEEKING FUNDING
FOR A CHURCH...
TO BUILD AN ORPHANAGE.
AND WHEN HE HEARD OUR PLAN,
HE SAID...
BRADFORD, DARLING.
YOU HAVE MY CONDOLENCES.
KOSIK, WHAT A SURPRISE.
THE BODY'S STILL WARM,
AND YOU'RE ALREADY
SALIVATING.
CAN'T I EVEN PAY
MY LAST RESPECTS?
YOU AND YOUR TEAM
OF VULTURES
DON'T CIRCLE OVERHEAD
UNLESS YOU WANT SOMETHING.
NOW, NOW, DON'T GEYOUR KNICKERS IN A TWIST.
I'M HERE TO BURY
THE HATCHET.
I THINK IT'S A PITY
THAT McMILLAN INDUSTRIES
AND GLOBE CO.
HAVE NEVER GOTTEN ALONG.
WELL, BEING THE TARGEOF A HOSTILE TAKEOVER
HAS NEVER BEEN HIGH
ON OUR PRIORITY LIST.
WELL, MAYBE THAT'S BECAUSE
IN THE PAST,
THE OFFERING PRICE HASN'BEEN QUITE HIGH ENOUGH.
OH, I THINK I CAN MAKE IWORTH YOUR WHILE.
GO ON.
OK, BIG GUY, LET ME
BORROW YOUR TIE, OK.
BLINK TWICE IF YOU MIND.
OK. GREAT.
4 YEARS
IN THE BOY SCOUTS,
I'VE NEVER SEEN
A KNOT LIKE THIS.
DON'T MAKE ME GEROUGH WITH YOU.
THE COLOR OF THIS TIE
MAKES YOUR FACE LOOK
ALL WASHED OUT.
COME ON! GIVE IT TO ME!
GIVE...IT...TO...ME!
WE ALL HAVE OUR DIFFERENT WAYS
OF SAYING GOOD-BYE.
PLAY YOUR CARDS RIGHT,
SCHNOOKUMS,
AND YOU STAND TO WALK AWAY
WITH A COOL 30 MILLION.
30 MILLION!
[MURMURS]
OF COURSE,
THIS IS ALL PREDICATED
ON YOUR UNCLE ACTUALLY
LEAVING YOU HIS STOCK.
LISTEN, I'M HIS ONLY
LIVING RELATIVE,
AND HE DIDN'T HAVE CATS.
IT'S A DONE DEAL.
BINGO!
I LOVE A WOMAN...
NOT IN MOURNING.
IT IS MY FONDEST HOPE THAARMAND McMILLAN'S MEMORY
WILL BE FOREVER KEPT ALIVE
BY THIS ETERNAL FLAME.
HEY! SORRY I'M LATE!
IT'S OK--
THE ETERNAL FLAME!
I GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL! IT'S OK!
OH, MY LORD!
[GASPS]
COME ON!
I GOT IT!
HOUSTON,
WE GOT A PROBLEM!
[FIRE ALARM SOUNDS]
[CROWD SCREAMS]
Bradford:
OF ALL THE DAYS TO...
AH-CHOO!
MM, COOKIES?
NO. IT'S ARMAND'S ASHES.
OH. OOH, HEAVY, MAN.
HEY, ARMAND.
I HAVE TO SAY
YOU'VE LOOKED BETTER.
SORRY I COULDN'T MAKE
THE GOOD-BYE BARBECUE.
YOU WANT TO
SAY SOMETHING?
AH-CHOO!
OH!
LET'S BEGIN THEN.
SHALL WE?
IT'S ABOUT TIME.
AS YOU KNOW...
YOUR TURN.
YOU'VE ALL BEEN NAMED
AS BENEFICIARIES
IN ARMAND McMILLAN'S WILL.
HELLO, EVERYONE!
HEY, IT'S ARMAND.
WELL, IF YOU'RE
WATCHING THIS RIGHT NOW,
I'VE PROBABLY KICKED
THE BUCKET.
THEREFORE, I, ARMAND McMILLAN,
BEING OF SOUND BODY AND MIND,
DO HEREBY BEQUEATH
THE FOLLOWING:
TO HILDA AND HENRY,
MY FAITHFUL
BUTLER AND HOUSEKEEPER,
I LEAVE THEM MY HOUSE
AND ALL ITS CONTENTS,
INCLUDING MY COLLECTION
OF VINTAGE 1950 HUBCAPS.
MY SINCERE THANKS FOR A...
MAJORLY GENEROUS, HUH?
AND TO MY NEPHEW...
Bradford:
THAT'S ME.
BRADFORD McMILLAN...
GIVE IT TO ME.
OPEN THE FLOODGATES.
WHO HAS WORKED TIRELESSLY,
DAY IN, DAY OUT...
MANAGING MY COMPANY,
IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE
IN LEAVING HIM MY MOSTREASURED POSSESSION:
MY SURFBOARD.
WHAT?
WOW! CONGRATULATIONS, DUDE!
THAT'S A GREAT BOARD.
ENJOY IT, BRADFORD.
AND REMEMBER, LOOK TO THE BOARD
FOR ALL THE ANSWERS.
A SURFBOARD?
THAT'S IT?
AS FOR THE REST OF MY ESTATE,
I LEAVE MY ENTIRE STOCKHOLDINGS,
45% OF McMILLAN INDUSTRIES,
TO MY NEW FRIEND, EDISON.
WHY ME? I JUSMET HIM ONCE.
OK. YOU FOOLED ME.
NOW, WHAT DID I
REALLY GET?
McMILLAN INDUSTRIES
WAS FOUNDED ON DREAMS...
AND IT NEEDS TO STAY
IN THE HANDS OF A DREAMER.
THAT'S WHY EDISON
IS RIGHT FOR THE JOB.
ANOTHER JOB.
HEY, DUDE,
YOU WANT TO SWAP?
UH, OK.
HOLD ON A MOMENT.
ARMAND'S WILL CLEARLY
STIPULATES WHO GETS WHAT.
THIS IS AN ABOMINATION.
YOU'RE TELLING ME MY
UNCLE, MY ONLY FAMILY,
LEFT ME A PIECE OF WOOD
AND GAVE THE BULK
OF HIS ESTATE,
$23 MILLION IN STOCK...
TO THAT?
23 MILLION?
$23 MILLION!
THAT'S A LOT OF SNAPPLES!
WHOO-HOO! THANK YOU, SIR.
I ALWAYS LOVED THE LAW.
SORRY YOU DIDN'GET ANYTHING.
THANKS, ARMAND!
GOOD LUCK, EDISON.
AND I KNOW YOU'RE
GONNA DO A FINE JOB.
OK, GIRLS!
TAKE IT AWAY!
I'M OFF TO SURF THABIG WAVE IN THE SKY!
AH...HEH HEH HEH...
BABY, WHO'S A NEW CAR?
WHO'S A NEW CAR?
GOOD MORNING,
MR. McMILLAN.
NICE CAR.
OH, THAT WAS CLOSE.
TOUCH IT AGAIN,
YOUR MINIMUM-WAGE ASS
GETS SOLD INTO
WHITE SLAVERY.
GOOD MORNING.
WHOO! RIGHT UP FRONT!
HA HA!
Car: ALARM ON, EDISON.
NO. MESSENGERS
CAN'T PARK HERE.
BUT I'M FILLING IN
FOR ARMAND.
I'M EDISON.
YOU'RE EDISON?
I'M SO, SO SORRY.
WHERE YOU GOING,
BUDDY? HEY, WAIT.
TO TURN IN MY HAAND BADGE AND STICK
AND FILE FOR UNEMPLOYMENT.
WHY? I'M NOGONNA FIRE YOU.
YOU'RE NOT?
NO!
WELL, THANK YOU, SIR.
BLESS YOU.
WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME.
THIS IS ALL MINE?
THE WHOLE THING?
YOU MEAN, THE FOUNTAIN
AND THE TREES AND THE...
PARKING LOT AND THE...
Guard: YES, SIR.
YAA-HA HA! WHOO!
I GOT IT!
I GOT IT!
I GOT IT!
I DON'T GOT IT.
I'M IN TROUBLE.
UH-OH.
PLEASE. PLEASE.
THINK HE'LL NOTICE?
LOOK!
HA HA HAAAA!
LOOK AT THIS PLACE!
OK. "YOU ARE HERE."
HA HA!
BOARDROOM, BOARDROOM,
BOARDROOM.
BOARDROOM.
[DING]
COULD YOU HOLD
THE DOOR, PLEASE?
THANKS.
WHAT FLOOR'S THE
BOARDROOM ON, PLEASE?
[CLICK]
THANK YOU.
[FAKING FART]
CAN'T BELIEVE
SHE LET ONE RIP.
OUR FIRST RIDE UP
AS A GROUP.
OH, COME ON!
OWN UP TO IT!
LIGHT UP MY LIFE
OHH...
WHY DO SONGS
HAVE TO BE SO SAD?
[SIGHS]
[DING DING]
LA LA LA
LA LA
WHY?!
EVER SINCE ARMAND RETIRED,
THE STOCK'S BEEN
IN A SLOW NOSEDIVE.
NOW, WITH ARMAND DEAD...
IT'S ALL OVER
FOR US.
[BOARD CONTINUES CONVERSING,
INDISTINCT]
Man: OH, NOW WHAT?
THIS MUST BE
THE BOARDROOM.
YOU GUYS LOOK
PRETTY BORED.
COFFEE, BLACK!
2 SUGARS!
Man: GIVE ME
A NICE AND GRAY ONE.
ANOTHER COFFEE
WITH A BEAR CLAW.
BOWL OF CEREAL!
[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]
GOOD CHOICE.
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
O.J.
BRING ME COFFEE.
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
WHAT THE HELL
WAS THAT?!
ALL RIGHT,
HERE'S YOUR COFFEE.
CUP OF DECAF WITH
A BANANA. WAKE UP!
LITTLE...
FRUIT PLATE.
WE HAVE
A CROISSANT.
THAT'S FUN TO SAY--
CROISSANT.
AND, IN OUR BEST CHINA,
DOUBLE ESPRESSO.
YOU'RE A MADMAN!
AND BUT NOT LEAST...
WE HAVE...
YUP. ICED MOCHA.
YOU'RE THE NEW TRAINEE?
ACTUALLY, I INHERITED
THE COMPANY.
HE'S EDISON?
IN
THE FRECKLED FLESH.
HAVE A SEAT, EDISON.
CAN WE GET YOU ANYTHING?
OUR MOST HUMBLE
APOLOGIES.
WE HAD NO IDEA.
OH, IT'S COOL.
MOST PEOPLE MISTAKE ME
FOR FABIO.
BUT, HEY, WE'RE GONNA BE
WORKING TOGETHER, RIGHT?
WHAT ABOUT NOW WE DO
THE OLD MALE-BONDING THING?
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
CORRECT ME IF
I'M WRONG, DARLING,
BUT I THOUGHT YOU
SAID THIS INHERITANCE
WAS A SURE THING.
I KNOW.
I SHOULD'VE HAD MY UNCLE
COMMITTED YEARS AGO,
BUT I WAS UP ALL NIGHWITH MY LAWYERS.
WE TURNED THE WILL
INSIDE OUT.
AND?
THE OLD FOX
STIPULATED
THAT IF THE VALUE
OF THE STOCK
EVER DROPS BELOW
$20 A SHARE,
EDISON LOSES EVERYTHING,
AND I GET IT ALL.
I DO NOT HAVE
TIME TO WAIFOR THE STOCK
TO DROP 30 POINTS!
HE'S MEETING WITH THE BOARD
OF DIRECTORS RIGHT NOW.
THEY'LL NEVER LEHIM RUN THE COMPANY,
AND I'LL HAVE NO TROUBLE
CONVINCING HIM TO SELL.
BET YOU A DOLLAR
THOSE OLD TIGERS
HAVE DRIVEN HIM TO HIS
KNEES EVEN AS WE SPEAK.
[LIVELY CONVERSATION]
RIGHT FOOT YELLOW.
ALL RIGHT, WHICH ONE
OF YOU TOOK MY WALLET?
LEFT FOOT BLUE.
HEY, MY BACK
PAIN'S GONE.
I LIKE YOUR
SPUNK, KID.
REMINDS ME
OF ARMAND.
IT'S REALLY NICE OF YOU
TO GIVE ME A TOUR, BRADFORD.
McMILLAN IS
A DIVERSIFIED COMPANY.
WE MAKE EVERYTHING
FROM NOTE STICKIES
TO THE THIGH
DOMINATOR.
UNDER MY MANAGEMENT,
PRODUCTION HAS DOUBLED.
FATALITIES HAVE TRIPLED,
BUT THERE YOU ARE.
BOY, THIS IS GREAT.
HEY, SHOULDN'T I BE
WEARING A HELMET, TOO?
NO, NOT IF YOU
WANT TO EXPERIENCE
MANUFACTURING
FIRSTHAND.
OH, THAT'S
WHY I'M HERE.
HEADS!
HOW'S THAT?
OH!
BRADFORD, YOU OK?
WHAT HIT YOU?
I'M ALL RIGHT...
SHH. LET'S
GET YOU UP.
SOMEONE YELLED "HEADS,"
AND I--GET OFF ME!
WHAT? I'M JUSTRYING TO HELP.
DO YOU MIND?
I JUST NEED A MINUTE
TO BE ALONE.
THANK YOU.
I'LL JUST BE OVER HERE
IF YOU NEED ME.
THAT'S FINE.
HE NEEDS A HELMET, AND
I
GET HIT WITH A WRENCH!
BRADFORD, IF YOU
HAVE A MOMENT,
MR. GRANGER NEEDS
TO SPEAK WITH YOU.
WELL, HERE I AM.
HA HA HA HA!
LOVE THESE THINGS.
MAKE 'EM FASTER!
THE MEN AND WOMEN
IN THIS PLANCANNOT KEEP ON WORKING
UNDER THESE CONDITIONS.
EVER SINCE YOU TOOK OVER
FOR YOUR UNCLE,
YOU BEEN STICKING
IT TO US.
WE HAVE TO FILL
OUT 50 FORMS
JUST TO REQUISITION
TOILET PAPER.
HERE'S AN IDEA.
TRY USING THE FORMS.
COOL!
THIS IS NO WAY TO SEAN EXAMPLE FOR THE WORKERS.
OH, SURE.
GREAT PLACE FOR SIGNS.
AND THEN YOU SHORTENED
OUR LUNCH TIME,
AND YOU TOOK AWAY
OUR SICK DAYS.
WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON HERE?
IT'S TRUE,
BRADFORD.
PRODUCTION QUOTAS
ARE WAY TOO HIGH.
YOU CANNOT SACRIFICE
WORKING CONDITIONS
FOR THE SAKE
OF PRODUCTIVITY.
"BOO-HOO-HOO!
"WE WANT BETTER
WORKING CONDITIONS.
WE WANT WHOLE ROOMS
FOR PEOPLE TO HUG."
MORNING.
MORNING.
OH, STOP.
OH, JEEZ,
I'M IN TROUBLE.
ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS
THE ALMIGHTY DOLLAR, HUH?
HOW HAPPY YOU THINK
THE SHAREHOLDERS WILL BE
WHEN PRODUCTION STOPS?
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'M SAYING
IF NOTHING HAPPENS
BEFORE THE END OF THIS WEEK
TO CHANGE THIS THING AROUND,
YOU'LL HAVE A STRIKE
ON YOUR HANDS.
STRIKE. YOU
CAN'T STRIKE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
STRIKES HAVE ALWAYS
SET THINGS IN MOTION.
IT MIGHT NOT BE
A BAD IDEA.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU CAN'T STRIKE
'CAUSE YOU HAVEN'GOT THE GUTS.
IN FACT, I DARE
YOU TO STRIKE!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
A STRIKE IS EXACTLY
WHAT WE'RE TRYING
TO AVOID HERE.
I'M DEFINITELY
NOT HAVING
A VERY GOOD DAY.
I TOLD YOU IT WAS
A WASTE OF TIME
TALKING TO THIS
KNUCKLEHEAD.
I WANNA TALK
TO THE CHAIRMAN--
THE NEW CHAIRMAN!
AAH!
I'M BEING ATTACKED!
YOU GET OFF!
SORRY.
HEY, I REMEMBER YOU
FROM THE FUNERAL.
REMEMBER ME?
ETERNAL FLAME? HEY!
FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES,
ALLOW ME THE PLEASURE
OF INTRODUCING EDISON,
OUR NEW CHAIRMAN.
YEAH, RIGHT.
OH, YES.
OH, GOD.
I--I AM SO
SORRY, SIR.
I HAD NO IDEA.
HEY, I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
IT TILL THIS MORNING.
THIS IS OUR
VICE PRESIDENIN CHARGE OF
PRODUCTION,
NATALIE
STOCKWELL.
PLEASURE.
AND, OF COURSE,
OUR PLANT FOREMAN,
HARLAND GRANGER.
HARLAND, YOU MAKE
A MIGHTY FINE
PRODUCT, SIR.
WELL, MY WORK
IS DONE HERE.
COFFEE? TEA?
GLUE REMOVER?
GLUE REMOVER? YOU
GUYS MAKE THAT, TOO?
WAIT, BRADFORD.
WELL, NEXT,
WE COME TO--EDISON?
"REMEMBER TO
AVOID GLUE."
WHERE WE
GOING NOW?
RESEARCH AND
DEVELOPMENT.
WOW! LOOK AT ALL
THIS COOL STUFF!
THIS WAS ARMAND'S
PRIDE AND JOY.
ACTUALLY, THESE
ARE JUST A FEW
OF THE INVENTIONS
HE CAME UP WITH.
HE INVENTED GLASS? I'VE
SEEN THIS EVERYWHERE!
YES. IT'S A BIG
SELLER FOR US.
ODORLESS FERTILIZER?
COME ON.
[SNIFFS]
KITTY, KITTY, KITTY!
SMOKELESS CIGARETTES?
ARMAND WAS A GENIUS!
HE WAS DEDICATED
TO MAKING THE WORLD
A MORE BEAUTIFUL PLACE.
HE SURE WAS.
LET'S NOT DAWDLE.
WAIT A MINUTE.
DON'T TELL ME.
THIS MUST BE R&D,
RIGHT?
DUN DA DA DUN
DA DA DAHH!
THIS IS R&D?
BUT R&D LOOKS
D.O.A.
PRECISELY.
THIS IS LARRY,
THE HEAD OF R&D.
ACTUALLY,
HE'S ALL OF R&D.
LARRY!
[GASPS] HELLO.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
WHATCHA WORKING ON,
SHEETS?
OH. WELL, IT'S
A NEW POCKET PROTECTOR...
PROTECTOR.
UH...THERE'S NO MONEY
FOR ANYTHING ELSE.
THEY'VE CUT OUR BUDGETS
TO ALMOST NOTHING.
AHEM!
ONLY TO INCREASE
PRODUCTIVITY,
RIGHT, LARRY?
NO, NO, NO. GUYS,
WAIT A MINUTE.
WE HAVE TO HAVE R&D.
AS THE NEW CHAIRMAN,
I'VE GIVING YOUR
OLD BUDGET BACK!
IN FACT, I'M
DOUBLING IT.
I CAN DO THAT,
CAN'T I?
YES, BUT IWILL INVOLVE
TRANSFERRING
SIGNIFICANT FUNDS--
OF COURSE.
OF COURSE YOU CAN.
AFTER ALL,
YOU'RE THE BOSS.
YOU HEARD THAT,
LARRY, HUH?
NOW, GET COOKING,
BUDDY.
I WANNA SEE SOME FRESH
IDEAS AROUND HERE.
YOU BETCHA, BOSS!
ALL RIGHT.
THE JUICES
ARE FLOWING!
THE THINKING CAP
IS ON!
WE'RE BACK
IN BUSINESS!
AN AGGRESSIVE
AND SAVVY
INITIATIVE, SIR.
THIS CHAIRMAN THING'S
A PIECE OF CAKE.
KOSIK, YOU WORRY
TOO MUCH.
BE MORE LIKE ME,
BUT NOT PHYSICALLY.
I'M TELLING YOU,
THIS IS THE DUMBEST KID
I'VE EVER SEEN,
EVEN FOR AMERICANS.
LOOK, EVERY SINGLE
DECISION HE MAKES
WILL DRIVE
THIS STOCK DOWN
LIKE A BAD
LIMBO DANCER.
I BETTER BE RIGHT?
PARTNER, IT'S
INCONCEIVABLE
THAT ANYTHING COULD
POSSIBLY GO WRONG.
AAAAAAAAAH!
CALL YOU LATER.
UH, LOOK, MAN,
DID THEY AT LEASPAY YOU AYOUR BIG NEW JOB?
NOT EXACTLY. I DON'GET PAID FOR 2 WEEKS.
2 WEEKS? THAT'D BE
LIKE A RECORD FOR YOU.
THAT'S CUTTING
IT REAL CLOSE
WITH MS. CRUSTY
BITCH, MAN.
PROMISE ME
YOU WILL NOT SCREW
THIS UP, EDDO.
I'M NOT GONNA
SCREW UP.
HAVE A LITTLE CONFIDENCE
ONCE IN A WHILE.
BURGERS ANYONE?
WAS I LYING,
OR WHAT?
GOOD GRIEF, MAN.
THIS IS LIKE THE TAJ MAHAL
OF OFFICE BUILDINGS.
COME ON, DUDE.
WHAT'D YOU REALLY HAVE
TO DO TO ARMAND
TO GET THIS PLACE?
NOTHING LIKE WHAYOU HAD TO DO
TO MS. KRUBAVITCH
LAST TIME TO
COVER THE RENT.
HOW'D YOU KNOW
ABOUT THAT?
I DREAMTHAT HAPPENED.
HATE TO TELL YOU THIS,
DINGLEBERRY BOY,
BUT YOU DIDN'T DREAM IT.
THAT'S RIGHT, MAN.
GOD BLESS YOU,
YOU TOOK ONE FOR THE
HOME TEAM ON THAT ONE.
SURE.
I THINK I'M
GONNA BE SICK.
OH!
OH, ME AND MY BUDDY
BRADFORD'S CAR.
WHO'S BRADFORD?
THE GUY WHO
OWNS THE CAR!
I DIDN'T KNOW.
IT AIN'T THAT BAD, MAN.
I CAN FIX THIS.
OK. "COLOR ON CAP
INDICATES COLOR IN CAN."
WELL, LET'S SEE
WHAT'S IN THIS ONE.
OOP! ORANGE.
THAT WON'T WORK.
SEE WHAT'S
IN THIS ONE.
NOT GOOD.
WE NEED GREEN.
YELLOW AND BLUE
MAKE GREEN.
PERFECT.
OK.
I THINK YOU COVERED
IT UP PRETTY GOOD.
WE NEED ONE OF THESE
IN OUR HOUSE.
DUDE, GET OUOF THE FOUNTAIN.
YOU CAN TAKE
A SHOWER AT HOME.
MORNING,
MORNING,
BRADFORD.
EDISON.
PLUMBING OUAT HOME?
LISTEN, I KINDA GOSOME GOOD NEWS,
AND I GOT SOME
BAD NEWS.
WHY AM I NOSURPRISED? GO AHEAD.
I KIND OF ACCIDENTALLY
DINGED YOUR CAR.
YOU WHAT?
MY NEW JAGUAR?!
W-W-WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
PLEASE. EVERYTHING'S FINE.
I TOUCHED IT UP MYSELF,
BETTER THAN BEFORE.
LOOK.
STYLISH.
YO, YO. COOL OUT,
MAN. COOL OUT.
DOES THIS MEAN YOU
DON'T LIKE IT?
MAN, THAT'S
A GOOD PAINT JOB.
NO. I LOVE IT.
IT'S ALL OF MY
FAVORITE COLORS.
WAIT TILL YOU SEE
THE INSIDE.
HAVE A DANDY DAY,
BRADFORD.
LET'S GO, GUYS.
NICE MEETING YOU
THERE, BRADLEY.
[LOUD ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYING]
HEY, BABY, YOU KNOW
THE FAX NUMBER
TO THE WHITE HOUSE?
WE GOT A LITTLE
MESSAGE FOR 'EM.
HEY, THANKS
FOR YOUR HELP.
PRESS IT AGAIN!
KEEP YOUR BOOTY
STILL THIS TIME.
RIGHT. SHOULD WE
INVEST $8 MILLION
IN A NEW LASER
DIE-CAST SYSTEM?
I'LL HAVE TO CHECK WITH
MY ADVISOR ON THAT.
HOLD ON ONE SECOND.
SIGNS POINT TO YES.
IT IS DECIDEDLY SO.
OK. BYE-BYE.
HOW'S IT GOING?
FINE.
SETTLING INTO
THE BUSY EXECUTIVE
LIFE, I SEE.
ONLY BEEN HERE
A FEW DAYS,
AND I'M STARTING
TO GET THE HANG OF IT.
HEY, YOU GUYS,
OH.
THIS IS NATALIE.
SHE WORKS HERE, TOO,
DOING SOMETHING.
THAT'S TY,
AND THAT'S ZAK.
NO FAIR. YOU'RE
USING THE ENLARGER.
MAN,
THAT'S GENETIC.
SO, WHAT BRINGS
YOU HERE, HUH?
HEARD THE BEAT, AND
YOU COULDN'T RESIST.
LET'S GET FREAKY!
WHOA, WHOA.
I'M SORRY.
[MUSIC SHUTS OFF]
I GOT IT.
I GOT IT.
I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
THESE ARE MY
ANALYSIS REPORTS
OF THE WORKERS'
GRIEVANCES--
WHAT IT WOULD COSUS TO GIVE IN
VERSUS THE COSOF STRIKING.
YOU MIGHT WANNA
LOOK THESE OVER
BEFORE TODAY'S
MEETING.
OH, I LOVE MEETINGS.
CAN I COME, TOO?
YOU LEAD
THE MEETING.
I KNEW THAT.
YEAH.
NOW I REALLY
HAVE TO GO.
NO, NO.
WHAT'S THE RUSH?
COME ON,
SMELL THE PIZZA!
NO, NO,
BECAUSE, YOU SEE,
SOME OF US ACTUALLY
HAVE TO WORK.
OUCH. NO REASON TO BE
HOSTILE TO THE REST OF US.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE DIDN'GET OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT.
LOOK, WE'RE ALL
MATURE ADULTS HERE, RIGHT?
ZAK, DOWN!
LOOK, THERE'S NOTHING
WE CAN'T SOLVE
BY SITTING DOWN AND TALKING
OVER DINNER, RIGHT?
THEN A LITTLE
MINIATURE GOLF,
FOLLOWED BY SOME YOO-HOO
NIGHTCAPS BACK AT YOUR PLACE,
AN OLD-FASHIONED
SLEEPOVER,
BREAKFAST BURRITOS
IN THE A.M.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, 8:00?
AWW. HELL HAS A BETTER
CHANCE OF FREEZING OVER.
WAIT!
BEST 2 OUT OF 3?
[DOOR CLOSES]
TV Anchor: IN BUSINESS NEWS,
SHARES OF McMILLAN STOCK
STARTED TRADING AT $55 TODAY,
BUT HAVE NOW SLIPPED TO $49
AND CONTINUE TO FALL.
THIS DUE TO NEWS OF A POSSIBLE
STRIKE AT THE COMPANY.
WONDER WHO COULD'VE
LET THAT LEAK.
GUILTY AS CHARGED,
YOUR HONOR! HEH HEH.
A STRIKE? WHY?
WHY? BECAUSE
YOUR LITTLE MEMO
CUTTING OUR SALARIES
WHEN WE WANTED A RAISE
WAS THE LAST STRAW.
EVEN BRADFORD WOULDN'HAVE STOOPED SO LOW.
I CUT SALARIES?
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?
YOU WERE THE ONE
WHO WANTED
THE RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENBUDGET DOUBLED.
THE MONEY HAD TO COME FROM
SOMEPLACE UNIMPORTANT.
WHAT ABOUOUR GRIEVANCES?
HAVE YOU EVEN BOTHERED
TO TAKE A LOOK AT THOSE?
WHAT GRIEVANCES?
THESE
GRIEVANCES.
OH, MY GOD! YOU WORK
8 HOURS A DAY?
NO WONDER
YOU'RE STRIKING.
ARE YOU GONNA MAKE
SOME CHANGES AROUND
HERE OR NOT?
Ignore them.
Show them who's boss.
He loves the nickname
"Chubby."
YOU'VE GOT TILL 3:00
TOMORROW AFTERNOON.
CONSIDER US ON
STRIKE AFTER THAT.
YOU GOT THAT?
WHY'S EVERYONE
LOOKING AT ME?
I JUST WORK HERE.
YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THE JOBS
OF OVER
2,000 PEOPLE.
IT WOULD BE NICE IF
YOU AT LEAST ACTED
LIKE YOU HAD A CLUE.
[SQUEAK SQUEAK]
HOW CAN PEOPLE DEMAND
THIS MANY THINGS?
IF ARMAND WERE HERE,
HE'D KNOW WHAT TO DO.
[DING]
Robot: EDISON, IT'S TIME
FOR YOUR MASSAGE.
NO, GIRLS, NO!
I'M WORKING!
NO, STOP IT!
HAVEN'T YOU HAD ENOUGH?
THAT'S PERFECT.
[ALARM BELL RINGING]
WHERE'S
THE FIRE?
I DON'T SMELL
ANY SMOKE.
GIVE IT TIME.
IS THIS
A GREAT DAY OR WHAT?
HEY, WHAT ABOUTHE BUDGET CUTS?
YEAH!
YEAH!
AND HOW ABOUT THE RESOF OUR DEMANDS?
YEAH!
YEAH!
AFTER GIVING THEM
CAREFUL CONSIDERATION,
I'VE DECIDED I CANNOT GIVE
YOU ALL A RAISE RIGHT NOW.
I'M SORRY, BUT I CAN GIVE
YOU SOMETHING BETTER, HUH?
A STAKE IN THE COMPANY,
WHICH MEANS
EVERY TIME
McMILLAN DOES WELL,
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF
YOU GUYS PROFIT, TOO.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
LOOK, I KNOW WORKING HERE
LATELY'S BEEN A BIG BUMMER,
SO AS BRAND-NEW
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD,
I AM NOW MAKING
EVERY WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON
LUAU WEDNESDAY!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
SO PUT ON YOUR SUNSCREEN!
WE'RE GOING TO THE BEACH!
[ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYING]
LOOKING GOOD,
LANDERS!
I'VE NEVER
MOSHED BEFORE.
IT IS TOTALLY
EXHILARATING!
Man: HEY, MR. BRADFORD,
CAN I GET MY BALL BACK?
OH, HE'S REALLY
A GREAT GUY, ISN'T HE?
WELL, EITHER THAT OR
CERTIFIABLY INSANE.
EVERYBODY!
LET'S DO IT!
GENTLEMEN,
FEAST YOUR EYES.
I HEARD IBM IS GONNA
HAVE A POLKA TUESDAY,
AND 3M IS DOING
A FIESTA FRIDAY.
I HEARD YOU'RE OLD.
I'D LIKE TO GET YOU
IN A MOSH PIT.
THANKS TO YOU,
EDISON,
PRODUCTIVITY
IS UP 17%,
AND OUR SHARES
ARE NOW UP TO $75.
TO EDISON.
TO EDISON!
TO EDISON!
CHEERS.
[KNOCK KNOCK]
COME IN!
HI.
HEY. HOW YOU DOING?
I JUST WANTED TO
CONGRATULATE YOU
ON STOPPING
THE STRIKE.
LUAU WEDNESDAY WAS
A REALLY GREAT IDEA.
NO BIGGIE.
JUST DOING MY JOB.
YEAH.
WELL, I'LL
SEE YOU AROUND.
YEAH. OK.
BYE.
BYE.
SEE, ARMAND?
SHE DOESN'T THINK I SUCK.
UH-OH. NEED A BIGGER MUG.
WELL, KOSIK,
WHAT A SURPRISE.
WELL, WELL. DO YOU
WANT TO TELL ME
WHAT IN HELL
IS GOING ON?
THE STOCK IS AAN ALL-TIME HIGH.
THE LITTLE JERK
IS HAVING SOME
BEGINNER'S LUCK.
WELL, CHANGE THE
LITTLE JERK'S LUCK TO BAD.
DO WHATEVER YOU
HAVE TO, BRADFORD.
YOU HAVE UNTIL THE END
OF THE MONTH,
AND THEN I AM
TAKING MY MONEY--
AMONGST OTHER THINGS--
ELSEWHERE.
UNDERSTAND?
NOW GET BUSY!
OK, PAL, THAT DOES IT.
EDISON, WHERE
ARE YOUR SECRETS?
FOOD FROM WOODSTOCK.
[EERIE PULSING SOUND,
ALIEN CHITTERING]
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
GLO-GUNK...
BUG-ZAPPER HAT...
EDISON'S NOT THE ONLY ONE
AROUND HERE
WITH BRIGHT IDEAS.
WOW! WHAT DO
YOU CALL IT?
THE P.O.S.--PORTABLE
OUTHOUSE SLACKS.
[FLUSHING SOUNDS]
IT'S FOR THOSE
LONG ROAD TRIPS
WHEN YOU CAN'T FIND
A PLACE TO STOP.
AND IT COMES WITH
A MATCHING C.S.S.
WHAT'S THAT?
CAR SICKNESS SHIRT.
LET ME DEMONSTRATE.
[GAGGING, RETCHING]
VERY IMPRESSIVE,
LARRY!
THE C.S.S.?
NO. THE AMOUNT OF VOMIYOU'RE ABLE TO PRODUCE
AT THE DROP OF A HAT.
[SNIFFS] LET ME GUESS,
PORK CHOPS?
LAST NIGHT! I HAVE
A SLOW METABOLISM.
[RETCHING]
EDISON, I--
[COUGHS]--
I HAVE A SURPRISE
FOR YOU.
A SURPRISE?
I LOVE SURPRISES.
FUNNIEST THING.
I JUST GOT A CRAVING
FOR PORK CHOPS.
I THOUGHT COMING HERE WOULD
GIVE US A CHANCE TO BOND.
GOOD IDEA.
IT'S STILL A JAG.
TENNIS, ANYONE?
YOU'RE WEARING
A SKIRT.
YOU MUST ADMIT, I'VE GOTHE LEGS TO PULL IT OFF.
FOR A SLENDER MAN,
YOU DO HAVE--
GET BACK IN THERE
AND CHANGE!
YOU'RE NO FUN.
PFFFT!
DON'T WORRY. SINCE
IT'S YOUR FIRST TIME,
I'LL GO EASY ON YOU.
DON'T BE SILLY,
BRADFORD. COME ON.
I'M A PURE,
NATURAL ATHLETE.
[SOTTO]
SUIT YOURSELF, BOZO.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
BALL'S IN THIS RACQUET,
BRADFORD.
YOU'RE DOING FINE.
HA HA HA!
I GOT IT!
OH!
[GLASS BREAKS]
I GOT IT!
I GOT IT!
[THUD]
HATE TO TAKE A POINFOR THAT ONE,
BUT I WILL.
NOT BAD
FOR A BEGINNER.
SO, HOW ARE THINGS
AT THE OFFICE,
MR. CHAIRMAN
OF THE BOARD?
GREAT. GOT 14 MILLION
PLAYING
MORTAL KOMBATODAY.
THAT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE.
YOU KNOW, EDISON,
BEING THE LEADER OF
A MAJOR CORPORATION
IS ABOUT MORE THAN
PLAYING VIDEO GAMES
OR SETTLING A STRIKE.
IT'S ABOUT TAKING CHANCES.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I SAW YOUR DIARY.
[GASPS] IGNORE THE PARABOUT THE FARM ANIMALS.
I WAS YOUNG.
I WAS NAIVE.
I WAS LONELY--
NO!
YOUR IDEA DIARY.
OH, OH, OH!
YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT THIS?
YOUR INVENTION IDEA.
WHAT ABOUT IT?
THE KETCHUP HELPER,
GLO-GUNK, BUG-ZAPPER HAT--
THEY'RE GREAT!
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
THIS IS WHY I REALLY
BROUGHT YOU HERE TODAY.
THE RESOURCES OF THE COMPANY
ARE AT YOUR DISPOSAL.
YOU HAVE
AN OPPORTUNITY HERE
TO MAKE YOUR MARK
ON THE WORLD
AND ACHIEVE A LITTLE BIOF IMMORTALITY...
THE WAY ARMAND DID.
YOU REALLY THINK SO?
I KNOW GENIUS
WHEN I SMELL IT,
AND YOU'RE
POSITIVELY REEKING.
THEN THERE'S
ALL KINDS OF IDEAS
I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON. THERE'S ONE HERE
I'VE BEEN WORKING
ON FOREVER.
[GAGGING]
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THIS ONE?
YOU OK?
TOUCHING. SORRY.
YES. WELL,
IT'S BRILLIANT.
IT'S UPSIDE DOWN.
WHATEVER.
I GET A GOOD VIBE
FROM IT,
AND THAT'S WHAT COUNTS.
EDISON, AS
YOUR BIGGEST FAN,
I HAVE ONLY ONE THING
TO SAY TO YOU:
MAKE YOUR DREAMS
COME TRUE.
YOU COULD BE RIGHT.
I CAN DO THIS.
HA HA HA! ALL RIGHT,
I'M GONNA DO IT!
UHH!
EEUGH.
OOH.
BRADFORD! OW!
YOU OK?
WE'VE ALL
TAKEN ONE THERE.
GOTTA HURT!
I'LL GO GET HELP!
DON'T MOVE!
HERE, WATCH MY RACQUET.
ANYBODY WORK HERE!
WE NEED SOME HELP!
Woman: THAT'S WHAI'M HERE FOR.
OH...
YOU DID SAY
YOU NEEDED HELP?
YOU'RE DAMN SKIPPY.
HA HA! I'M ALL YOURS!
TEACH ME! TEACH ME!
WELL, EDISON,
TO MASTER THE GAME,
YOU HAVE TO GEZEN ABOUT IT.
YOU HAVE TO
FEEL THE BALLS,
CARESS THEM INSTEAD
OF WHACKING THEM...
AND THINK
OF YOUR RACQUEAS AN EXTENSION
OF YOURSELF--
ANOTHER MUSCLE:
STRONG, HARD, FORCEFUL,
A TOOL TO PENETRATE
YOUR OPPONENT'S COURT.
NOW, LET'S PLAY.
ME LIKEY TENNIS.
[SIZZLING]
MM. YOU WORE ME OUT.
I HOPE YOU'LL
LET ME GIVE YOU
ANOTHER LESSON
AGAIN SOON.
WHERE DO I SIGN UP?
YOU'RE NOT A MEMBER?
OF COURSE I'M A MEMBER.
WHY ELSE WOULD I
DRESS LIKE THIS?
ME AND MY BUDDY
BRADFORD--BRADFORD!
SOMETHING FUNNY?!
[ALL GIGGLING]
[GIGGLING STOPS]
SHARE IT!
I LOVE TO LAUGH!
EVERYONE COPY SOMETHING!
LARRY!
COME OUT, COME OUT,
WHEREVER YOU ARE!
OVER HERE, EDISON.
THERE YOU ARE.
YOU'RE JUST IN TIME.
I'M TESTING OUMY NEW PROTOTYPE.
NOW MEN
CAN EXPERIENCE
THE JOYS OF
MOTHERHOOD, TOO.
THAT'S GREAT,
BUT I NEED YOUR HELP.
ON WHAT?
THIS.
READY, EDISON?
READY, LARRY.
NOW, LOOK, IF ANYONE
SO MUCH AS
COMES NEAR THIS CAR,
YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION
TO SHOOT TO KILL.
EDISON!
OHH...
HEY, GUYS. HERE ARE THE
PRODUCTION REPORTS FROM...
MAN, YOU GUYS
LOOK FRIED.
WE TRIED EVERYTHING.
WE CAN'T FIGURE OUHOW TO GETHIS THING TO WORK.
JUST--
WELL, HOLD ON.
YOU'RE HOLDING IUPSIDE DOWN.
OH.
THIS IS NEVER
GONNA WORK.
LOOK, MAYBE YOU GUYS
JUST NEED
TO TAKE A BREAK--
CLEAR YOUR HEADS SO
NEW IDEAS CAN COME OUT.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
WANNA GRAB SOME LUNCH?
OH. OH, NO,
I CAN'T.
I'VE GOT WORK
THAT'S PILING UP--
LOOK INTO MY EYES,
NATALIE.
ALL YOU'RE THINKING
ABOUT RIGHT NOW
IS HAVING LUNCH
WITH ME, EDISON,
YOUR NEW BUDDY,
YOUR NEW PAL.
IS IT WORKING?
NO.
LOOK BACK INTO
MY EYES, NATALIE.
WHAT IF I STOP
TALKING LIKE THIS?
WILL YOU GO TO LUNCH
WITH ME, PLEASE?
ALL RIGHT.
I KNOW
JUST THE PLACE.
YOU'LL FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE BACK TO NATURE.
I LIKE THIS.
I TOLD YOU
THIS PLACE IS GREAT.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE
EXTRA-CRISPY, LITTLE LADY?
OH, NO, THANK YOU.
ARE YOU SURE WE'RE
ALLOWED TO DO THIS?
OH, SURE. AS LONG
AS WE PLAY BY THE RULES.
FREEZE, FREEZE.
OK, UNFREEZE.
HAVING FUN?
I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU
GET AWAY WITH THIS STUFF.
SIMPLE. HANK THE SECURITY
GUARD OVER THERE'S MY BUD.
I REVIVED HIS SOCIAL LIFE
AFTER HE WENT BALD.
I CALL IT CHIA HAIR.
DO YOU MEAN HE ACTUALLY
GETS DATES LOOKING LIKE THAT?
OH, YEAH. WHEN HIS
HEAD'S IN SEASON,
NO.
WOMEN GO NUTS.
HEY, EDISON.
WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?
THIS IS NATALIE.
HI.
HI, NATALIE.
ENJOYING THE VIEW
OF THE GREAT PLAINS?
YES, YES, THANK YOU.
HOW'S THE HAIR
WORKING OUT FOR YA?
DOES THAT ANSWER
YOUR QUESTION?
MISS?
MY GOD.
YOU'RE THE MAN!
[BURP]
I'M SO
EMBARRASSED.
OH, NO. PLEASE,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I HAD 3 BROTHERS. WE'D HAVE
BURPING CONTESTS FOR HOURS.
YOU HAD BURPING
CONTESTS?
YES.
GET OUT.
YES!
I WANT TO SEE THIS.
NO!
WE'RE DRESSED LIKE
THE VILLAGE PEOPLE.
YOU CAN'T BE
EMBARRASSED. COME ON.
I DARE YOU.
I DOUBLE-DARE YOU,
COME ON.
OH, UM,
OH, MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE
I'M DOING THIS.
I MIGHT BE
A LITTLE RUSTY.
IT'S OK.
WOW.
WANT SOMETHING
TO DRINK?
[BURP-TALKING]
HELLO, EDISON, HOW ARE YOU?
A, B, C, D, E, F, G,
H, I, J, K-K, L, AH,
L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T,
U-U, AHHHH...
U, V, W, X, Y, Z.
OH, MY GOD!
HOPE THAT WASN'A MATING CALL.
WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
A STAMPEDE ON OUR HANDS.
JEEZ.
Edison: OK,
NO LOOKING.
Natalie:
OH, BE CAREFUL.
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.
OK, READY?
YES.
NO BURPING!
IF YOU'RE
REALLY GOOD,
WE'LL GEICE CREAM LATER.
OOH.
TA-DA!
LOOK, LOW-FLYING
PLANE. GET DOWN!
ARE WE
HAVING FUN?
YES.
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS.
SAY, IT'S GOOD
TO SEE YOU RELAXING
FOR A CHANGE.
WELL, IT'S HARD
TO RELAX AT THE OFFICE.
ESPECIALLY AROUND
MEN LIKE BRADFORD.
OH, COME ON. HE'S
NOT SUCH A BAD GUY.
I MEAN, HE'S
A LITTLE UPTIGHT,
BUT I KIND OF
LIKE HIM.
HE'S BEEN
HELPING ME.
WELL, BE CAREFUL.
IF I WERE YOU
I WOULDN'T TRUST HIM.
HEY, LOOK,
CORNELIS DREBBEL,
MR. SUBMARINE.
AND THERE'S
JETHRO TULL.
NOT THE BAND,
HE INVENTED THE SEED DRILL.
NOT BAD.
BUT CAN YOU TELL
ME WHO HE IS?
OH, THAT'S EASY.
THAT'S
ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL.
IF IT WEREN'T FOR HIM,
WE WOULDN'T HAVE
THE PSYCHIC HOTLINE.
THAT'S AMAZING
YOU KNOW ALL THIS STUFF.
OH, WELL, HANGING AROUND
ARMAND AS LONG AS I DID
I COULDN'T HELP
BUT RUB OFF ON ME.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
HAVE YOU ALWAYS
BEEN INTO INVENTIONS?
ME? OH, YEAH.
AS A KID
WE ALWAYS PLAYED
THIS SPY GAME.
EVERYBODY ALWAYS
WANTED TO BE JAMES BOND.
YOU KNOW, "THE NAME'S
BOND, JAMES BOND.
I LIKE MY WOMEN
SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED."
NO, I ALWAYS
WANTED TO BE Q,
THE GUY WHO MADE
ALL THE COOL WEAPONS.
YEAH.
THAT'S ALWAYS
BEEN MY DREAM
THAT MAYBE ONE DAY
I COULD MAKE SOMETHING
THAT WOULD END UP
IN THIS PLACE.
NOW I SEE WHY ARMAND
LEFT HIS COMPANY TO YOU.
REALLY?
WHAT'S THAT?
THANKS A LOT.
THAT IS FOR
MAKING MONSTERS!
NO, ACTUALLY IT'S TO
DEMONSTRATE STATIC ELECTRICITY.
WATCH WHAT HAPPENS WHEN
YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON IT.
GO AHEAD.
LOOK AT YOUR HAIR.
LOOK AYOUR HAIR.
MINE HASN'T CHANGED,
HAS IT?
OH, THIS IS FUN.
I'M GLAD
WE DID THIS.
ME, TOO.
SO...
DO YOU BRING
ALL THE GIRLS HERE?
NO. YOU'RE THE FIRST.
REALLY?
AW.
AAH!
AAH!
EDISON?
EDISON.
ARE YOU
ALL RIGHT?
HOLD ON, NATALIE.
THIS COULD BE IT.
OUCH.
I GOT IT! I'VE GOT IT!
WHOO-HOO! I GOT IT!
YOU ARE MY LUCKY CHARM.
I'VE GOT TO GET BACK
TO THE LAB.
I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING.
COME ON!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WHEN I WAS YO HIGH...
I GOT THE IDEA
FOR MAKING SOMETHING
EVERYONE COULD USE,
AND TODAY, IT IS A REALITY.
SO, WITHOUT FURTHER ADO...
TA-DA!
THE DEVICE THAT'S GOING
TO ROCK THE WORLD!
A TV DINNER? I HATE
TO BREAK THE NEWS,
BUT SWANSON BEAT YOU TO
THE PUNCH BY 40 YEARS.
GUYS, IT'S NOT JUSA TV DINNER.
IT'S A REAL TV DINNER.
Boardmembers: OH!
HERE, CHECK IT OUT.
THE HARDEST PART WAS MAKING
A TV THAT COULD WITHSTAND
GOING FROM THE FREEZER
TO BEING HEATED.
THIS DINNER IS SELF-HEATING
AND USES MICROWAVE TECHNOLOGY
TO COOK THE FOOD
AND RUN THE TV FOR 4 HOURS.
AND HERE'S THE KICKER.
IT ONLY COSTS $2.19 MORE
THAN A REGULAR TV DINNER.
INGENIOUS.
AND TASTY, TOO.
GET HIM A BIB.
I SAY WE GO INTO
IMMEDIATE PRODUCTION.
WHOA, EDISON. I DON'MEAN TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE,
BUT THERE ARE STANDARD
PROCEDURES TO FOLLOW.
WE HAVE PRODUCT TESTING
AND...
AND FOCUS GROUPS.
SAFETY REGULATIONS.
WE CAN'T JUST MARCH
RIGHT INTO PRODUCTION.
WELL, YOU'VE DONE THIS A LOLONGER THAN I HAVE, SO--
HOLD ON! DIDN'T YOU
JUST TELL US
THAT THIS IS THE
GREATEST THING SINCE
INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED
CHEESE SLICES?
I WOULD NEVER EVER
DARE COMPARE ITO INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED
CHEESE SLICES.
I MEAN, COME ON.
WE ALL KNOW
THERE'S NOTHING BETTER
OR TASTIER THAN THAT.
BRADFORD, HELLO?
SCRUMP-DILLY-ICIOUS,
CHEESE SLICES.
ALTHOUGH, UH, I WOULD
SAY THIS IS CLOSE.
YES, BUT--
NATALIE, PLEASE.
GENTLEMEN,
MONTHS OF COSTLY TESTING
WILL ONLY TELL US
WHAT WE ALREADY KNOW.
THE PRODUCT WORKS. BUT,
OF COURSE, IT'S UP TO YOU,
MR. CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.
I SAY WE GO INTO
PRODUCTION! NOW!
ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN,
ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND.
HI, I'M CHEF EDISON,
AND WHEN I'M AWAY FROM HOME,
I STILL LIKE TO CATCH SOME
OF MY FAVORITE TV SHOWS.
THAT'S WHY
I ALWAYS BRING
ONE OF MY
CHEF EDISON TV DINNERS
WHEREVER I GO.
WITH FLAVORS LIKE
BEAVIS & BROCCOLI,
NYPD BLUEBERRY PIE,
AND M.A.S.H.ed POTATOES,
THERE'S NO REASON TO BE
A COUCH POTATO AT HOME.
NOW, YOU CAN BE ONE
ANYWHERE!
SO, SIT BACK
ON A MOON ROCK,
AND ENJOY.
IF YOU CAN CATCH IT!
THERE THEY ARE!
THEY'RE HERE!
ONE AT A TIME.
AAH!
I NEED
HEY, I
SOME MORE.
WAS FIRST!
TV Announcer:
TODAY ON
LIFESTYLES
OF THE RICH
AND SHAMELESS...
WE'LL BE JETTING TO
THE SOUTH OF FRANCE
FOR A 5-STAR NOSH
WITH THE STARS...
Woman on tv: OH, DOCTOR,
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
TV Doctor: MONICA, I HAVE
GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS.
YOUR UNCLE
WILL LIVE...
YES, YES?
Hillary:
BILL, COME TO BED.
Bill: JUST AS SOON
AS THIS
DUKES OF HAZZARD
RE-RUN IS OVER.
YOU'RE NOT BREAKING
YOUR DIET ARE YOU?
NO, HONEY. HERE,
DESTROY THE EVIDENCE.
HOORAY!
IT'S TIME FOR
SOME CHAMPAGNE!
HIP, HIP, HOORAY!
HIP, HIP, HOORAY!
HIP, HIP, HOORAY!
Zak: IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS
WITHOUT THE WRAPPING PAPER.
ONE YEAR'S RENT,
PAID...IN FULL.
WHAT DO YOU SAY,
MS. K?
ANY MORE PROBLEMS,
AND YOU BALL-LESS
SURF LICE ARE OUT OF
HERE. I'M WARNING YOU.
HOW DOES SHE HOLD
THAT MUCH SMOKE?
YOU'RE WELCOME!
LISTEN TO ME,
MY KARMIC BUDDY.
LOOK AROUND. SEE ALL
THIS NICE NEW STUFF?
YEAH.
YOU SURE YOU CAN AFFORD ALL
THIS AND THE RENT, RIGHT?
GUYS, I GET ANOTHER
CHECK IN 2 WEEKS.
AND ANOTHER ONE
AFTER THAAND ANOTHER ONE
AFTER THAT.
THERE'S MORE OF THIS
WHERE THAT CAME FROM.
I HOPE
YOU'RE RIGHT.
JOHN TESH'S GREATESELEVATOR HITS?
DUDE, BUYING ONE OF THESE
IS BAD ENOUGH,
BUT WHY WOULD ANYBODY
REMOTELY SANE
BUY THEM BY THE BOX?
I WONDER.
WHOO!
YEAH!
WHOO!
SEE, IT'S
IMPORTANT TO BE
MUSICALLY
OPEN-MINDED.
THAT'S RIGHT.
TESH ROCKS.
YOU KNOW, I COULDN'T DECIDE
BETWEEN GETTING A BOWLING ALLEY
OR A LIMO. SO...
I JUST GOT BOTH.
[SOUND OF BOWLING BALL
ROLLING]
[BALL HITTING PINS]
I THINK HE'S GONE
OVERBOARD, MAN.
[RING]
CHAIRMAN OF THE
BOARD, ON THE BOARD.
TALK TO ME, BABE.
DAGGER IN THE EYE...
Man: SOMEBODY GET ME
A CHEESEBURGER QUICK.
VIOLA!
MY LATESPROTOTYPE.
A SHIRT?
UH, I HAVE A FEELING
IT'S NOT JUST A SHIRT.
RIGHT YOU ARE, NATALIE.
IT'S A BIOTHERMAL,
ELECTRO-NEUROL SENSITIVE,
MENDACITY METER.
CAN SOMEONE
TRANSLATE FOR US?
IT'S A LIE
DETECTOR SHIRT,
OR AS WE LIKE TO
SAY, THE BULLSHIRT!
WITH LARRY'S
INGENUITY
AND, OF COURSE, MY
FLAIR FOR FASHION,
IT'S GUARANTEED TO
BE A SURE-FIRE WINNER.
GO AHEAD, GANG.
ASK LARRY
A FEW QUESTIONS.
LARRY, HAVE YOU EVER
STOLEN OFFICE SUPPLIES
FROM THE COMPANY?
NO.
HARD TO BELIEVE, BUHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH.
DO THOSE "REACH OUT AND
TOUCH SOMEONE" COMMERCIALS
MAKE YOU CRY?
NO.
[FARTING SOUNDS]
Boardmembers: HA HA HA!
THEY RUN SOME EMOTIONAL ONES
DURING THE HOLIDAYS.
NOW, WE HAVEN'T PRODUCED
A SINGLE SHIRT YET,
AND ALREADY WE'VE GOTTEN
HUNDREDS OF ORDERS,
JUST FROM WORD OF MOUTH.
HMM. IT LOOKS LIKE EDISON
IS DOING A GOOD JOB
OF FILLING ARMAND'S SHOES.
LOOKS LIKE
YOU'RE DOING A GOOD JOB
OF FILLING YOUR PANTS.
DON'T JERK ME OFF,
AND MEET ME AT THE MOON.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'VE GOT YOURSELF
ANOTHER WINNER ON YOUR HANDS.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
THAT'S NOTHING!
YOU THINK
THAT WAS BRILLIANT?
I GOT PLENTY MORE
WHERE THAT CAME FROM!
IF THAT LITTLE EINSTEIN GUY
WAS ALIVE,
HE'D BE TAKING NOTES
FROM
MOI!
RIDE IT, BABY!
[LAUGHTER]
WELL, IT'S HER ROYAL
HEMORRHOIDINESS.
YOU LITTLE
GOOD-FOR-NOTHING JERKWEED!
HALITOSIS HEADS
ARE OUT OF HERE!
WHAT'S UP?
THE RENT'S BEEN PAID.
YEAH.
CLOWN BOY'S
CHECK BOUNCED!
I COULD HAVE YOU
PENCIL-NECKED LOWLIFES
ARRESTED FOR THAT.
I KNEW EDISON WAS SPENDING
TOO MUCH ON THIS EXTRAVAGANCE.
I WAS GOING
TO TELL HIM THAT MYSELF.
MS. K...
I'M SURE IT WAS JUSA BIG MISTAKE.
I KNOW EDISON COULD
CUT US ANOTHER CHECK.
HEY...
IS THAT A NEW HOUSECOAT?
OH!
I WANT MY MONEY!
BY THE END
OF TODAY...
IN CASH,
OR YOUR SCUM-SUCKING WEASELS
GET THE BOOT!
UH...
[SLAMS DOOR]
SHE WAS A LITTLE BIUPSET, I THINK.
UHH.
Receptionist: HE SAID YOU
NEED TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.
WHAT?
WE DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR THAT, MA'AM.
BOGUS! SINCE WHEN IS HE
TOO BUSY FOR HIS FRIENDS?
IT'S VERY IMPORTANTHAT WE TALK TO HIM NOW.
HE GAVE SPECIFIC INSTRUCTIONS
NOT TO BE DISTURBED.
LADY, LISTEN...
LOOK, MAN,
FORGET HIM.
LET'S GO.
DO YOU EVEN KNOW
WHO I AM?
CHEF EDISON,
FAMOUS INVENTOR,
LOVED BY MILLIONS--
RING A BELL?
GOOD. NOW WE'RE
GETTING SOMEWHERE.
I DON'T CARE.
THE AD SAYS OVER
30 MINUTES AND IT'S FREE.
AND...IT'S BEEN OVER
30 MINUTES.
HOW HARD IS IT TO FIND?
IT'S A WHITE LIMO!
WAIT UP! I'D BETTER GEA GOOD TIP!
HEY, COME BACK!
IT IS SO HARD TO GEGOOD SERVICE THESE DAYS.
EDISON, I THINK
WE NEED TO TALK.
I REALLY THINK
YOU'RE LETTING
THE SUCCESS
GO TO YOUR HEAD.
OUR FIRST FIGHT.
HOW ROMANTIC.
I'M SERIOUS.
YOU CAN'T TALK TO PEOPLE
LIKE THAT--
[MAN TALKING ON TV]
SHH!
OF THE POPULAR CHEF EDISON
LINE OF TV DINNERS
IS ALSO NOW THE TARGEOF A $500 MILLION-DOLLAR
CLASS ACTION SUIT.
JOINING US LIVE
IN THE STUDIO THIS MORNING
IS MR. ANTHONY ALOSI.
THANK YOU, MARK.
WITH MY
VERY BUSY SCHEDULE,
I OFTEN HAVE TO CATCH
MY MEALS ON THE FLY.
SO I GOT USED TO EATING
THE CHEF EDISON TV DINNERS
10, 12, EVEN 15 TIMES
A WEEK.
BUT WHAMcMILLAN INDUSTRIES
FAILED TO WARN
THE CONSUMERS ABOUWAS THAT THEIR LITTLE
MICROWAVE-POWERED TV SCREEN
EMITS 1,000 TIMES
MORE RADIATION
THAN A NORMAL TV.
THAT'S NOT TRUE!
I INVENTED THAT THING
MYSELF!
I USED TO WORK
AS A LOBBYISFOR THE NUCLEAR
ENERGY INDUSTRY.
WELL...
WHO'S GONNA
HIRE ME NOW?
HUH?
LIGHTS!
I'M A WALKING
NIGHT LIGHT!
MY CAREER IS OVER!
THANKS, EDISON!
HOLY JEEPERS!
Freemont: IT'S DROPPED
18 POINTS IN THE LAST HOUR!
IT'S FREE-FALLING!
WHAT'LL WE DO?!
WELL, ASK EDISON.
HE'S THE ONE WHO RUSHED
THE PRODUCT INTO PRODUCTION.
YES, BUT THIS WHOLE ACCIDENWAS JUST A FLUKE!
THE MAN WAS GLOWING
LIKE A JACK O' LANTERN.
HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THAT?
I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I PROMISE YOU
IT'S GONNA BLOW OVER.
YOUR IGNORANCE
IS NO LONGER CHARMING.
DON'T YOU GET IT?
THE PUBLIC HASN'T JUST LOSCONFIDENCE IN THE PRODUCT.
THEY'VE LOST CONFIDENCE
IN McMILLAN INDUSTRIES.
AND THIS ENTIRE INCIDENCOULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED,
HAD THE PRODUCBEEN PROPERLY TESTED,
AS MS. STOCKWELL
INITIALLY SUGGESTED.
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, NATALIE?
YES, BUT--
AND NOW, BECAUSE OF
YOUR IRRESPONSIBLE LEADERSHIP,
THE FUTURE
OF THIS COMPANY
AND THE JOBS OF THOUSANDS
OF WORKING PEOPLE
HAVE BEEN
TRAGICALLY JEOPARDIZED.
I
THINK IT'S TIME
TO ELECT A NEW CHAIRMAN,
SOMEONE COMPETENT,
SOMEONE SANE.
BRADFORD,
YOU CAN'T DO THIS!
CAN'T I? PERHAPS YOU'VE
CONVENIENTLY OVERLOOKED THE FACTHAT MY UNCLE'S WILL
CLEARLY STIPULATES
IF THE VALUE OF THE STOCK
DROPS BELOW $20 A SHARE,
YOU LOSE EVERYTHING.
AND IT ALL GETS TURNED OVER
TO--WHAT WAS YOUR WORD?
MOI.
AND, UNLESS I MISS MY GUESS,
MOI
IS GOING TO HAPPEN
RIGHT ABOUT...
NOW.
OH!
OH!
OH! OH!
OH!
OH!
OH! OH!
[BEEPING]
DARN THE LUCK.
I GUESS THAT MEANS I'M
THE NEW CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.
YOU CAN'T DO THIS!
IT'S 3:00, MR. BRADFORD,
JUST LIKE YOU SAID.
IS IT ABOUTHE PROMOTION?
YES, TOBY, YOU'RE NOW
KING OF THE IDIOTS.
YOU'RE JUST IN TIME
TO WITNESS
MY FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS
AS THE NEW CHAIRMAN.
EDISON, YOU'RE FIRED.
PACK UP YOUR INFANTILE CRAP
AND GET OUT!
AND IF THIS
MENACE TO HUMANITY
EVER TRESPASSES
ON COMPANY PROPERTY AGAIN,
I WANT HIS SORRY ASS
ARRESTED!
BRADFORD,
WH-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I THOUGHWE WERE FRIENDS!
WELCOME TO THE WONDERFUL
WORLD OF BUSINESS.
AND WE WERE NEVER FRIENDS.
I DID GET YOU
A GOING-AWAY PRESENT.
FUNNY THING...
ARMAND'S BOARD.
I TOOK IT APART COMPLETELY,
BUT THE ANSWER
WASN'T IN THE BOARD.
NOW GET THIS LOW-CLASS TRASH
OUT OF MY SIGHT.
YOU'VE GOTTA BELIEVE ME!
THIS WHOLE THING
WAS A MISTAKE!
I'M SORRY!
Bradford:
ATTENTION, ALL LITTLE PEOPLE,
THIS IS BRADFORD
"BIG DADDY" McMILLAN,
THE NEW CHAIRMAN
OF THE BOARD.
LUAU WEDNESDAY
HAS BEEN CANCELED.
THERE'S A NEW FESTIVAL,
UNEMPLOYMENT THURSDAY,
UNLESS YOU FOLLOW
THESE RULES:
ALL MALE EMPLOYEES WITH FULL
HEADS OF HAIR ARE FIRED.
MALE EMPLOYEES WHO ATTEMPTO THIN THEIR HAIR
MAY BE REHIRED, BUT ONLY IF
THEY'RE SHORTER THAN ME.
MORE TO FOLLOW.
NO...
WHAT HAPPENED?
NO. I GOT EVICTED.
NO. TELL ME THIS
ISN'T HAPPENING!
MY SURFBOARD.
DINOSAUR.
YELLOW BRICK ROAD.
WHERE DID IT ALL GO?
NO!
OH, WHAT DID I DO?
[YAWNING]
GOD!
UHH!
CHECK IT OUT,
MAN.
PATHETIC, AIN'T IT?
[RRAWK RRAWK]
IS HE DEAD?
NO!
[MAKING KISSING SOUNDS]
[SHOUTS OUT]
HEY, GUYS.
TOP OF THE MORNING.
MR. I-CAN-BUY-EVERYTHING
IN-THE-KNOWN-UNIVERSE
AND-STILL-HAVE-ENOUGH-LEFTO-PAY-THE-RENT.
OH, AND DON'T SAY
WE DIDN'T TRY TO WARN YOU.
I KNOW. I KNOW.
LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUBOUNCING THE CHECK
AND LOSING THE BEACH HOUSE
AND ALL, ALL RIGHT?
WHEW.
WELL...
GUESS WE DON'T HAVE
NO HOUSEWORK TO DO.
YOU WANT TO WIPE
THAT BIRD CRAP OFF YOU
AND GO GET SOME BREAKFASOR WHAT?
YOU GUYS
STILL AREN'T TWEAKED?
YOU CAN MAKE IT UP TO US
BY FIGURING OUT A WAY
TO HEAT THAT LIFEGUARD SHACK.
IT WAS SO COLD
IN THERE LAST NIGHT,
MY NUTS
FEEL LIKE SNOWBALLS.
I THINK MY INVENTING DAYS
ARE OVER, GUYS.
THEY'VE CAUSED WAY TOO MANY
PROBLEMS ALREADY.
Zak: HEY! THAT WAS
YOUR IDEA BOOK!
YEAH, I KNOW.
BRADFORD...
BRADFORD, I WISH YOU'D
RECONSIDER SELLING.
I WISH YOU'D RECONSIDER
DATING.
THINK OF THE PEOPLE YOU'RE
PUTTING OUT OF WORK
AND THEIR FAMILIES.
THANK YOU, JOAN OF ARC,
BUT IF I WANT SENTIMENT,
I'LL GEA HALLMARK CARD.
THIS IS
YOUR UNCLE'S COMPANY.
EVERY GENERATION
HAS TO MAKE ITS MARK.
HIS WAS
TO BUILD THE COMPANY.
MINE IS TO...
DESTROY IT.
MAN, I STILL DON'T GET IT.
HEY, GUYS...
THIS JUST DOESN'MAKE SENSE.
LOOK AT THIS GUY!
I DESIGNED THAT TV DINNER
MYSELF, I'M TELLING YOU.
THERE'S NOT ENOUGH RADIATION
THERE
TO MAKE SOMEONE LOOK LIKE
A WALKING NIGHT LIGHT.
I USED TO HAVE
A NIGHT LIGHT.
I USED TO HAVE
A HOUSE.
LOOK, WE BELIEVE YOU,
MY COSMIC BUDDY,
BUT WHAT--
HOW CAN YOU FIGHT IT?
BESIDES, IN A HALF HOUR,
IT AIN'T YOUR PROBLEM NO MORE.
THE UNIVERSE
WILL HANDLE IT, MAN.
THIS BEING HOMELESS THING
IS REALLY BUMMING ME OUT.
I GOTTA RIDE SOME TUBES.
YOU GUYS IN?
Ty: MIGHT AS WELL.
Edison: GUESS SO.
Ty: GO AHEAD.
WHAT'S UP?
Zak: WHAT'S WRONG?
WAIT A MINUTE.
HOLY BAT GUANA!
I'M ONTO SOMETHING!
WHAT'S UP?
MAN,
WHAT THE HELL?
MY GLO-GUNK FORMULA'S GONE!
I SAW YOUR DIARY.
I THINK
YOU'RE A NATURAL.
Bradford: NICE TRY,
BUT IT'S ME AGAIN.
I OUTRANK HER
IN THESE FLASHBACKS.
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
I SAW YOUR DIARY.
YOU KNOW,
THE INVENTIONS.
THE KETCHUP HELPER.
THE BUG ZAPPER HAT.
GLO-GUNK.
THEY'RE GREAT.
HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
[LAUGHTER ECHOING]
I'VE GOT IT!
I GOT IT!
GOT WHAT?
WE GOT TO GET TO THE COMPANY
BEFORE BRADFORD SELLS IT.
LET'S GO!
Larry: GOOD-BYE,
BULLSHIRT.
SO LONG, P.O.S.
LARRY...
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IF HE SEES THIS--OH.
MR. McMILLAN ASKED
FOR ALL MY WORK
TO BE DELIVERED
UP HERE.
ONE MORE TRIP
TO R&D AND...
HE'LL HAVE IT ALL.
LARRY, YOU'RE GOING
TO BE IN TROUBLE.
DO YOU THINK I CARE
ABOUT WHAT HE SAYS?
OH!
OH! OH!
I DIDN'T SEE YOU.
I'M--I'M REALLY SORRY.
[CHUCKLES]
THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I KNOW
YOU DIDN'T MEAN IT.
NOW, GET OUT.
YOU'RE FIRED.
AREN'T WE ALL
LAID OFF ANYWAY?
YES.
I JUST LOVE
SAYING IT.
GET OUT!
YOU'RE FIRED!
THE OLD WAYS
ARE BEST.
MR. McMILLAN,
MS. KOSIK
AND THE BOARD MEMBERS
ARE ALL HERE RIGHT NOW.
YOU REALIZE
WHAT THIS MEANS?
THE FINAL VICTORY.
HERE, HOLD THIS.
I'VE GOTO CHANGE SHIRTS.
TELL THEM I'LL BE UPSTAIRS
IN 2 MINUTES.
AND THEN...
GET OUT!
YOU'RE FIRED, TOO!
CRYBABY.
[IMITATING SIREN]
GET OUT OF THE WAY!
COMING THROUGH!
OUT OF THE WAY!
YOU IN THE RED CAR,
FREEZE!
I'VE GOT YOU
LOCKED ON TARGET!
THESE CRASH TEST DUMMY MASKS
WERE A GREAT IDEA!
HOW DID YOU KNOW
IT WOULD WORK, MAN?
EXPERIENCE!
GENTLEMEN,
LET'S BEGIN.
BUT IT ISN'T NOON
YET.
[MURMURING]
FOR GOODNESS SAKE...
[CHIMES]
IT IS NOW.
I'M THE CHAIRMAN.
I CAN DO THAT.
I'M VERY HAPPY TO REPORTHAT, DESPITE RECENUNPLEASANT CIRCUMSTANCES,
MS. KOSIK OF GLOBE CO.
WANTS TO PURCHASE McMILLAN.
WE'VE ALL PUT TOO MANY YEARS
INTO THIS COMPANY
TO LET IT GO DOWN
WITHOUT A FIGHT.
GLOBE CO.
DOESN'T BUILD ANYTHING.
IT JUST SQUEEZES THE PROFITS
OUT OF ANY COMPANY
IT GETS ITS GRUBBY HANDS ON
AND THEN SPITS OUTHE REST.
SO WHAT'S
YOUR POINT?
THE FACT IS,
McMILLAN INDUSTRIES
IS WORTH MORE TO ME
DISMANTLED THAN OPERATIONAL.
THE PATENT LIBRARY, THE LAND,
AND ALL THE BUILDINGS
ARE WHAT I REALLY WANT.
THE REST IS--
HOW SHALL I PUT IT?
EXPENDABLE.
YOU'RE TALKING
ABOUT US, AREN'T YOU?
WELL, I WAS GOING
TO TAKE THE HIGH ROAD,
BUT YOU HAD TO SAY IT.
I'D LIKE TO TAKE
THE HIGH ROAD TO YOUR ASS
WITH MY SHOE!
OOH. I MIGHT ENJOY THAT.
GENTLEMEN...
PLEASE!
THERE ARE BOUND TO BE
DIFFERENCES OF OPINION,
BUT THAT'S WHY THE BOARD
IS A DEMOCRACY.
LET'S...PUT IT TO A VOTE,
SHALL WE?
NOW...
ALL THOSE IN FAVOR
OF THE SALE...
WHICH IS TO SAY, ALL THOSE
WHOSE VOTES ACTUALLY COUNBECAUSE THEY OWN 51%
OF THE STOCK, SAY AYE. AYE.
CONGRATULATIONS,
MS. KOSIK.
YOU'VE JUST BOUGHT YOURSELF
A COMPANY.
THANK YOU,
MR. McMILLAN.
I'M DEEPLY GRATEFUL.
WELL, I BELIEVE
I JUST GOT A RAISE.
[IMITATING SIREN]
1-ADAM-12. 1-ADAM-12.
SCOTTIE, WE NEED
WARP FACTOR 10!
[SHOUTING]
[IMITATING SIREN]
Ty: OH, MAN!
WE ARE SCREWED!
NEVER FEAR.
EDISON IS HERE.
Ty: NOW THAT'S COOL.
THAT'S COOL
RIGHT THERE.
I NEVER THOUGHI'D GET TO USE THAT ONE.
LET'S SCOPE OUTHE SITUATION, BOYS.
THERE'S OUR PROBLEM,
RIGHT THERE.
WAIT A SECOND.
HOLD ON A SECOND.
WAIT A MINUTE.
HA HA HA!
BUCKLE UP, KIDS!
YEAH!
GO! GO! GO! GO!
OW! OW!
OOH! AH!
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS SIGN HERE AND HERE...
AND HERE AND HERE
AND HERE.
HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE...
THEN WE JUSGO TO THE BACK--
JUST...GIVE IT TO ME.
ABSOLUTELY CORRECT.
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
AHEM.
ALL RIGHT,
NOW...
[SIGHS]
INK MIGHT HELP.
[SHOUTING]
DOES ANYONE HAVE A PEN
FOR MS. KOSIK THAT WORKS?
[EVERYONE MURMURING]
SO THAT'S THE WAY IT IS,
IS IT?
[BEEP]
HELLO.
THIS IS BRADFORD McMILLAN,
AND I WANT A PEN THAT--
BRADFORD McMILLAN.
AND I NEED A PEN--
OH.
B-R-A-D--
[SHOUTING] I'M THE
CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD,
AND I NEED A PEN
THAT WORKS!
[SLAMS PHONE DOWN]
[TIRES SQUEALING]
WAA!
AAH!
[REVERBERATING]
OH.
OH.
OH.
[GASP]
GOOD THING WE GOSOME PAINT LEFT.
Edison: WELL, NOW HE'S GOA CONVERTIBLE.
Zak: COME ON, EDISON,
LET'S GO.
WE GOT A MINUTE LEFT.
MOVE! OUT OF THE WAY!
I GUESS IT WILL
ALL BE OVER SOON.
[DING]
EDISON! WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?
GOING TO SAVE
THE COMPANY!
COME ON, GUYS!
IF THIS ONE DOESN'T WORK,
I'LL KILL YOU.
ALL RIGHT, MS. KOSIK,
LET'S WRAP THIS UP,
SHALL WE?
HEY, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
YOU AGAIN.
GET SECURITY UP HERE!
IMMEDIATELY!
MY CHEF EDISON TV DINNERS
NEVER DID ANY HARM
TO ANYONE.
ARE YOU DELUSIONAL
AS WELL AS STUPID?
YOU SAW THE NEWS REPORJUST LIKE THE REST OF US.
OH, YEAH. WELL, MAYBE THIS
WILL PROVE IT TO YOU ALL.
SEE? A LITTLE DAB OF MY
NONTOXIC GLO-GUNK
AND ANYONE CAN CLAIM THEY'VE
BEEN EXPOSED TO RADIATION.
IF THOSE TV DINNERS WERE
RELEASING THAT MUCH RADIATION,
THAT GUY SUING THIS COMPANY--
THAT ALOSI FELLA--
HE WOULDN'T BE GLOWING.
HE'D BE
A CHARCOAL BRIQUETTE!
WONDERFUL SHOW.
BRAVO!
I LAUGHED, I CRIED.
NOW GET OUT. HAVEN'T YOU
DONE ENOUGH HARM
TO THIS COMPANY
ALREADY?
ME? THIS WHOLE TOXIC
TV DINNER THING
WAS A SCAM, WASN'T IT?
SO YOU COULD GET CONTROL
OF THIS COMPANY.
I BET YOU TWO PLANNED
THIS WHOLE THING.
NO...
BUT I WISH
I'D THOUGHT OF IT.
IT'S A BRILLIANT IDEA.
REALLY?
I MEAN, IT'S--
IT'S RIDICULOUS.
I'M INNOCENT.
[LOUD FARTING]
POO!
WHO CUT THE CHEESE?
[FARTING CONTINUES]
THE BULLSHIRT!
BRADFORD, SOMETHING
ABOUT YOUR STORY STINKS!
AHA! SEE?
HE'S LYING!
ALL RIGHT NOW,
PULL OVER.
NO, UM,
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
GET THEM OUT OF HERE!
Freemont:
H-HOLD ON A MINUTE!
CONTINUE, EDISON.
THANK YOU, SIR.
RIDDLE ME THIS,
BRADFORD:
HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN,
I DON'T KNOW,
SAY, OFFICE SUPPLIES?
NO.
[FARTING SOUND]
[MURMURING]
THERE IT IS AGAIN.
YOU STOLE MY FORMULA
FOR GLO-GUNK, DIDN'T YOU?
GLO-GUNK? I'VE NEVER EVEN
HEARD OF IT.
AND THE GUY THAT'S GLOWING
IS SOME PHONY YOU HIRED,
ISN'T IT? COME ON!
NO, I WOULDN'T--
I NEVER HIRED ANYBODY.
[FARTING SOUNDS]
JUST BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GESOME SILLY INHERITANCE.
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAYOU'D SELL OUT YOUR UNCLE
AND EVERYONE THAT WORKS
FOR THIS COMPANY?
HE'S LYING!
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?
HE'S THE ONE
WHO'S LYING!
[FARTING SOUNDS]
[BOARD MEMBERS MURMURING]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
OF THE JURY...
I REST MY CASE.
OH, YEAH.
I'M CONVINCED.
WOULD YOU PLEASE
GO BACK TO SLEEP?
BRADFORD...
ON BEHALF OF MYSELF
AND THE REST OF THE
MEMBERS OF THE BOARD,
IT GIVES ME GREAT PLEASURE
TO INFORM YOU
THAT YOU ARE FIRED!
YOU CAN'T FIRE ME,
FREEMONT.
BUT I CAN FIRE YOU.
I STILL OWN
51% OF THE STOCK.
UH, NOT WHEN THE SECURITIES
AND EXCHANGE COMMISSION
HEARS ABOUYOUR LITTLE HOAX.
YOU'LL BE LUCKY
IF YOU END UP
WITH ONLY 10 TO 20
BEHIND BARS.
[MURMURING]
WITH WHAT EVIDENCE?
WELL, I WOULD BE HAPPY
TO TESTIFY.
GOOD,
BECAUSE I'M GONNA--
WHAT?!
FOR A PERCENTAGE
OF THE GROSS, OF COURSE.
THAT BULLSHIRT OF YOURS
IS WORTH MILLIONS.
I'D BE HAPPY TO HELP YOU
PUT BRADFORD AWAY...
FOR A PIECE OF THE ACTION.
KOSIK...
YOU GOT A DEAL.
CALL ME...
FOR THE DEPO.
BUT...
IT WAS KOSIK'S IDEA
ALL ALONG.
I'M JUST THE PATSY.
[FARTING SOUNDS]
[MURMURING]
AH!
OH, SHUT UP, BRADFORD.
SECURITY...
REMOVE HIM.
GET THAT TURD
OUT OF HERE.
WITH PLEASURE.
HOLD ON!
I'M SORRY.
[FARTING SOUNDS]
WAIT!
NOTHING LIKE THIS
WILL EVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
[FARTING SOUNDS]
HOLD IT!
DO YOU HAVE ANY...?
GET HIM!
AAARRGHH!
HA-HA HA-HA!
HA HA HA--AAH!
AAH!
I'LL TAKE THIS CAR, THEN.
HE'S GETTING AWAY!
I WOULDN'T BE
TOO SURE OF THAT.
HOW DO I...?
AAARRGHH!
Car: YOU SHOULDN'HAVE DONE THAT.
YOU'RE IN TROUBLE NOW!
HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!
OH, IS THAT SO?
[LAUGHTER]
[SQUEAKY VOICE]
DIDN'T FEEL A THING.
UGH.
[CRASH]
I CALL ITHE CLUB FOOT,
BECAUSE CRIME
DOESN'T PAY.
IT JUST HURTS
LIKE A BITCH.
NICE WORK.
THANKS.
VERY NICE WORK,
MR. CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD.
CHAIRMAN?
YOU GUYS STILL WANT ME
TO RUN THE COMPANY?
WE'D ALL LIKE THAT,
EDISON.
I APPRECIATE
YOUR CONFIDENCE IN ME, GUYS,
BUT I JUST WANT TO GO BACK
TO BEING EDISON.
THAT'S A JOB
THAT I'M GOOD AT.
THEN WHO'S GOING TO
RUN THE COMPANY?
HMM...
LET'S SEE,
HOW ABOUT NATALIE?
ME?
SURE. I CAN'T THINK OF
ANYONE MORE QUALIFIED.
ALL IN FAVOR, SAY AYE.
AYE!
AYE!
AYE!
AYE!
THANK YOU.
I--I--I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO?
OH, ME?
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE IF YOU OFFERED ME
SOMETHING DOWN IN R&D
WITH LARRY,
I DON'T KNOW,
INVENTING STUFF, UH...
I WOULDN'T SAY NO.
WELL...
OBVIOUSLY I'D HAVE
TO SEE A RSUM.
I MEAN, DO YOU HAVE
ANY QUALIFICATIONS?
EXCUSE ME, FELLAS.
OOH!
OOH!
WILL THAT DO?
THAT'S NOT BAD.
DO YOU HAVE
ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?
SPECIAL SKILLS.
WHAT ABOUT THE
NO FRATERNIZATION CLAUSE?
[CHUCKLES]
THAT'S BEAUTIFUL,
MAN!
WHY DOES SHE NEED CPR?
[HUMMING]
[SURFING MUSIC PLAYS]
HE'S VERTICAL!
ALL RIGHT, EDISON!
OK!
NATALIE, TY, ZAK, LOOK!
LOOK OUFOR THE ROCKS!
OH, NOT AGAIN!
[SWERVING]
AAH! AAH!
OH!
AH!
EDISON?
EDISON,
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?
Ty: YOU ALL RIGHT, BUDDY?
HOW MANY FINGERS
I GOT UP? CAN YOU COUNT?
THAT WAS SO COOL!
[MUMBLING INCOHERENTLY]
STEP ASIDE!
OUT OF MY WAY,
YOU HALF-WITS!
UGH!
LOOK AT YOU,
YOU SORRY EXCUSE
FOR A MAMMAL.
IS--IS HE GOING
TO BE OK?
DON'T WORRY.
I'M AN EXPERT AT CPR.
UHHHH....
Ty: OH, YUCK!
NO--NO...
NOOOOO!
[CALIFORNIA SUN
PLAYS]
WELL, I'M GOING OUT WESWHERE I BELONG
WHERE THE DAYS ARE SHORAND THE NIGHTS ARE LONG
AND I WALK,
AND THEY WALK
I TWIST,
AND THEY TWIST
I SHIMMY,
AND THEY SHIMMY
I FLY, AND THEY FLY,
YEAH
WE'RE OUT THERE
HAVIN' FUN
IN THE WARM
CALIFORNIA SUN
WE'RE GOING OUT WEST,
OUT ON THE COAST
WHERE THE CALIFORNIA GIRLS
ARE REALLY THE MOST
AND I WALK,
AND THEY WALK
I TWIST,
AND THEY TWIST
I SHIMMY,
AND THEY SHIMMY
I FLY, AND THEY FLY,
YEAH
WE'RE OUT THERE
HAVIN' FUN
IN THE WARM
CALIFORNIA SUN
THE GIRLS ARE FRISKY
IN OLD FRISCO
A PRETTY LITTLE CHICK
WHEREVER YOU GO
OH-OH-OH-OH
AND I WALK,
AND THEY WALK
I TWIST,
AND THEY TWIST
I SHIMMY,
AND THEY SHIMMY
I FLY, AND THEY FLY,
YEAH
WE'RE OUT THERE
HAVIN' FUN
IN THE WARM
CALIFORNIA SUN
WE'RE OUT THERE
HAVIN' FUN
YEAH, IN THE WARM
CALIFORNIA SUN
[LET'S LUAU
PLAYS]
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