Charlie Chan in Honolulu (1938) Movie Script

Please! Please.
Save football tactics for gridiron.
Ancient ancestor once say...
"As mind is fed with silent thought,
so should body absorb its food. "
Gimme more fried rice!
- I want some fish!
- Wait a minute!
- Food not to liking, Jimmy?
- What? Oh, yes.
Say, Pop, I was thinking.
I wish you'd let me be a detective.
Please, do not imitate vacuum cleaner.
Uh, I could probably be the best
in the islands with your help.
Am afraid you overestimate
ability of parent.
No, I don't. Now that brother Lee is in the
New York art school, I can take his place.
What about me?
I'm as good as you are any day.
Yeah? Well, I've been studying up
a lot on crime.
And look, Pop.
I've even had cards printed.
"Bills Also Collected"?
Well, that's just in case
I don't get enough murders.
Bills sometimes more difficult
to collect than murder clues.
Yeah, but I know where
I can get a swell office.
Good. Will donate one desk
and one hat rack to same.
I'll give you a couple of my old blotters.
I have some nice rubber bands
you can have too.
Please, please.
Do not ridicule good intentions
of elder brother.
Uh, thanks, Pop.
Now, about that office again.
I don't need a hat rack,
but I do need rent money.
- As soon as I get a case,
I can start paying you back. And-
Honorable mother-in-law.
Most honorable father-in-law,
Honorable son-in-law, hello.
- Please partake of humble food?
- No, thank you.
Events of the day
have killed all appetite.
I have just taken honorable wife
to the maternity hospital.
Oh, my little Ling.
Please, please. Excitement most unnecessary.
Are certain Ling
getting best attention?
- Doctor says she reposes most comfortably.
- Why didn't you telephone us?
Doctor says do not clutter hospital
with relatives until summoned.
- Telephone will be used as means of signaling family.
- I'm going anyway.
Control self, Mama.
Maybe that's them now.
Hello? Hello?
No! Good-bye!
- What? What?
- Wrong number. They want fish market.
- Get Mama her coat.
- Look, Mama. You have same experience 13 times.
There is no cause to worry.
Then what's worrying you?
You've been a father 13 times too.
Admit same.
But this is first occasion as grandfather.
Boyfriend calling
number two daughter.
Wing, I think we go to hospital.
Just as you say,
honorable father-in-law.
- Can I go too, Daddy?
- Say, Pop, can we go too?
Hospitals for sick, not playground
for healthy. Please, return to table.
- Aw, gee, Pop, we won't get in the way.
- Come on, Pop.
- Come on. Let's go. Come on, sis.
- Hey, wait till I get my coat.
Hello? Lieutenant Chan?
He just left, but I'll take the message.
This is the Homicide Bureau calling.
Tell him to go aboard the freighter
Susan B. Jennings off Kaena Point.
They just reported a murder.
M- M-Murder?
Yes. Yes, sir.
Jimmy, headquarters just called for Pop to
go aboard the freighter Susan B. Jennings!
Somebody was killed
by somebody else!
Gee, I'd better hurry
and give him the message.
- Wait a minute. You're lookin' for a case, aren't you?
- Why? What do you mean?
Supposin' we go aboard
and handle this ourselves?
Oh, no. It's too risky. Besides, it's
Pop's job, and he might get awful sore.
If you solved the case, he couldn't.
Hey, you're throwing over
a chance of a lifetime.
Just think. It might be years
before you get another murder.
Maybe you're right. Even Pop would have to
admit I'm pretty good if I solve a homicide.
Sure! And then he'll have
to get you that office.
- By golly, I'll do it.
- Let's go!
Oh, wait a minute.
You're not goin'. You're too young.
What? Say,
who told you about this case anyway?
You stay here and answer the phone.
That's what all good assistants do.
I'll see you later.
I still can't believe that man
was murdered right before my eyes.
And you're sure you don't know
who he is?
I never saw him before he came
aboard this ship a half hour ago.
Did you see the boat that brought him
alongside, Mr. Randolph?
It was just an ordinary shore boat. After
he got aboard, it headed back to Honolulu.
- Where is the body now?
- I had it taken below, sir.
Well, that's all we can do
until the police come aboard.
I don't see why
this had to happen on my ship.
Now we may be
tied up here for days.
That means we lose cargoes
all along the line.
Small boat on the port side
signaling to come aboard, sir.
That would be the police.
- All right. Take it easy, buddy.
- We got ya.
- There you are.
- Honolulu Police.
- My name's Chan.
- Not Charlie Chan?
- Well, uh- - Why, I've heard
about you from Singapore to Sweden.
I'm Captain Johnson.
Glad to meet you.
- Thanks. But you see-
- I know. You wanna get right to work, eh?
Funny thing about you.
I thought you'd be older.
- You've had a lot of experience for a young fella.
- Yeah.
Now I want to question the witnesses. And
then I'd like to see the corpus delicti.
- You know, for clues and things.
- Oh, yes, yes.
By the way,
how many passengers do you carry?
Just six.
This is a freighter, you know.
There's one of our passengers now.
Dr. Cardigan, Mr. Chan.
A deep pleasure, Mr. Ham.
- Not Ham- Chan.
- Oh, Clam. So sorry.
- The doctor is a little deaf.
- Oh.
- The doctor is a little deaf.
- Oh.
Your pituitary glands
are very prominent.
I shall have to talk with you later.
Good day, Mr. Clam.
I think the doc's also a little nuts.
This way.
How long do we have to wait, Pop?
Pop, where do storks find babies?
Mama, please. Be calm like me.
- There's the baby now.
- Let me see, Pop. Is it a boy?
Wrong flavor.
- Shh.
- Excuse please.
Can give approximate time
of grandchild arrival?
Well, your guess is as good as mine,
Mr. Chan.
Might be five minutes from now,
or it might be five hours.
Oh, uh, where is telephone?
- Down the hall to your right.
- Uh, thank you.
- Any report from Lieutenant Chan?
- No, sir.
But the freighter radioed in
he boarded her a half hour ago.
I see.
Honolulu Police, Homicide Bureau.
Oh, hello, Charlie.
Hold on.
Lieutenant Chan now, Inspector.
This is Rawlins, Charlie.
How's everything going?
Very slow.
Will be detained longer than expected.
- Well, have you got any clues yet?
- Am not sure.
But intuition and five dollars
say it will be boy.
Boy? What do you mean? Say, are you aboard
the freighter Susan B. Jennings?
No, sir.
Am on board maternity hospital.
What, again? Listen, Charlie.
We called you an hour ago.
The ship radioed a murder case
just as they rounded Kaena Point.
Have heard nothing of same!
What? Wh-Why, they reported
you boarding them 30 minutes ago.
Would appear someone
impersonating humble self.
You get out to that ship as soon as you
can. Pick up a couple of men at the harbor.
Yes, sir.
Mama! Mama!
Now, Miss Hayes, Captain Johnson says that
you're the only witness to the actual murder.
- Is that true?
- Yes, as far as I know. At least, I was the closest one.
Please tell me all you know.
Two weeks ago, the attorney I work for
in Shanghai called me into his office...
and told me I was to sail the
following day on this boat for Honolulu.
He also gave me a package I was to deliver
to a certain person when I arrived here.
- What was in the package?
- $300,000.
I mean, uh,
that's a lot of money.
That's the amount all right. Miss Hayes had
me keep it in my safe until this afternoon.
What did you do with it then?
I waited on deck until this man
came aboard from a small boat.
- I thought you said you didn't know him.
- I didn't.
When he gave me the ring, I knew
he was the man to give the money to.
- Wedding ring?
- Yes. Here it is.
- I was told he would give it to me as a receipt.
- What happened then?
Just as I was about to give him the package, I
- I heard a shot.
He looked at me for a moment,
you know, kind of surprised-like.
And then he fell to the deck.
I don't know what I did then.
I guess I fainted. And that's all I know.
My chief officer, Mr. Randolph,
was the first to reach the body.
I got there a few seconds later.
- Who has the money now?
- I have it. It's locked in my cabin.
- Would you like to see the body, Mr. Chan?
- Yes, please.
- But first take me to the spot where the shooting occurred.
- All right.
Follow me.
- What are you doing here?
- You'll have to talk a little louder.
You evidently had no trouble
hearing what was going on in there.
I'm sorry.
I can't hear you, Mrs. Wayne.
But as a fellow passenger,
I feel I must give you a word of warning.
A murder has been committed
aboard this ship.
And I should be
very careful what I said.
I don't know much more
about Miss Hayes than you do...
but her story sounds fishy to me.
I'll check on her after
I've seen the rest of the passengers.
There he is, cold as a mackerel.
Wh-What was that?
- Oh, nothing. Just Oscar. Nothing
to worry about. - J-J-Just Oscar?
- Yeah.
- Oh.
I wish you'd hurry up. I'd like to get
this case washed up as quickly as possible.
I have to unload cargo and
clear port before tomorrow.
Say, there's not a bit of identification
on this man. Look.
Even the tailor's label's
been torn out.
Why, that's funny. Somebody must've gotten
in this cabin after he was brought here.
I think we'd better get up on deck.
Hogan, what's the matter with you?
There's a ghost in there
scaring my poor animals to death.
- Ghost?
- Have you been hitting that bottle again?
This ghost never came out of a bottle.
Oscar saw it and roared like he was crazy...
and I woke up-
Just in time to see it go by-
just like that.
- What did it look like?
- You know.
Just like a-
a ghost.
What have you got
animals on the ship for?
I'm takin' them to a Frisco zoo.
It will be a great day
when I get rid of them and you too.
Go in there now
and quiet 'em down.
Not me. Not with a live ghost.
Wait a minute, Captain! This ghost
might be the murderer we're after.
Who's that?
That's the man who was murdered.
Listen to them poor, dumb beasts.
They can't reason like us. I tell you-
Aw, bilge water!
Let's find out about this thing. Go on.
Yes, sir. I'm goin'.
- Hogan!
- C-C-C-Coming.
Hogan! Now where is this ghost
you're talking about?
Over in that vicinity.
What's the matter?
- I see nothing wrong here.
- You will.
What's the matter?
Oh, uh, nothing.
Help! Help!
Help! Help!
What's the matter?
- D-Did you see him?
- There's a lion loose!
- That's just Oscar.
- Oscar?
Oscar, what are you doing?
What's the matter with you?
Get up there on that bed.
Come on! Get a move on.
That's the stuff. Step on it.
Get a move on there.
Come on. A little pep there.
Get along. Get up on that bed.
That's the idea.
Why don't you put that lion
in a cage where he belongs?
- If I do, I'll go in there with him.
- Oh, I've had enough of this.
- You've had enough?
- If you want me, I'll be up on the bridge.
That won't be necessary.
- A-Are you sure you saw a ghost?
- Unmistakably.
Don't you suppose I know-
Th-There it is n-n-now!
- Come on!
- Oh, no. Not me.
Whoever's in that locker,
come out with your hands up.
- Uh, hello.
- Gosh!
I thought it was-
Say, what are you doin' here?
- Well, you see, I- - Now you get off
this ship before something happens to you.
- But, gee, I wanted to- - Don't you
realize there's a murderer at large?
- Sure! And I know who it is!
- Who?
- The guy with the thick glasses.
- Oh, you mean Dr. Cardigan.
- Yeah. He's been chasin' me all over the ship.
- He has?
What was that?
Oh, just Oscar.
He's a lion.
Lion? G-G-Gosh.
I wish Pop was here.
Yeah, so do I. Say, what's the matter?
Don't you think I can handle this case?
- Yes, but just the same, I-
- Chan?
- Hey, get in there quick. I got work to do.
- Can I help?
Of course not.
This is a man's job.
- I've got part of the crew on deck.
- Okay. Fine.
Say, pardon me for giving you any advice,
but you better go easy on these boys.
- Why?
- They were off duty, and I had to wake 'em up for you.
They're not in a very good humor,
and some of'em are pretty tough eggs.
- But I guess you know your business okay.
- Yeah.
I'll leave you here with the crew
while I round up the passengers.
What's your name?
What's your name please?
Stanislaw Wzdkapopocusky.
Stanislaw W-
We'll skip that.
- Were you a witness to the murder this morning?
- Nay.
What about you?
Can't any of you speak English?
Yeah, buddy.
I can.
What do you know about the murder?
Doesn't anybody know anything?
Hey, pipe down, all of you.
This is one of our passengers, Detective
Arnold of the San Francisco Police. Mr. Chan.
Glad to know you, Mr. Arnold.
- Yeah? What's your racket?
- Uh, why, uh-
- This guy's a phony.
- Wh-What do you mean?
I've seen plenty of pictures
of Charlie Chan...
and this chump don't look any more
like him than I do.
- How about that?
- I-I-I can explain everything.
I oughta pinch you for impersonating
an officer of the law.
- But, uh-
- Beat it before I change my mind.
Say the word, sir. We'll put him ashore.
- Go to it.
- Pop!
Pop! Pop! Pop! Let me down!
- One moment please!
- Hold it, men!
Gee, I'm sure glad you came.
Honolulu Police frown
on choking bay with bodies.
What in thunder is going on? Come on,
you men. Get down to your quarters.
- Mr. Randolph-
- Come on, men. Break it up.
- Who are you?
- Lieutenant Chan, Honolulu Police.
Lieutenant Chan?
Well, then who's this young squirt?
Young squirt merely chip
masquerading as block.
Explain presence on board.
Well, headquarters called
just after you left.
I knew you were worried
and had a lot on your mind.
So I thought I'd handle the case myself.
I was making headway too!
Making headway towards ship rail.
- Am most sorry for delay in investigation, Captain.
- So am I.
I suppose you want to start at
the beginning and see the body too.
I've already examined it, Pop.
There's no identification on it.
will make own examination.
- Meanwhile, you will question crew.
- Yes, sir.
Excuse please.
How many passengers on ship?
- I asked that question too, Pop. There are six.
- Oh, very clever.
There's one now.
Dr. Cardigan.
But you'll get nowhere
questioning him, Pop.
He's deaf as a post.
- Deaf?
- Yes.
Thank you so much.
- When money talk, few are deaf.
- Yeah.
Ah, ah, ah, ah.
My buck.
- Pop!
- What's going on here?
I caught this youngster
climbin' over the cages like a monkey...
and scarin' my animals half to death.
- Who is he?
- Number five son.
- What? Another? Are there any more?
- Nine more.
At home, I hope.
Will explain unwelcome presence here?
- Uh, I came with Jimmy.
- Yeah, but I- I didn't know about it.
He stowed away.
Honest, Pop. I told him to stay home.
- Now, if you ask me-
- Nobody's askin' you.
Go below with your monkeys
where you belong.
Just as I thought.
"Familiararity" breeds attempt.
You'll have to carry on alone.
- I've listened to enough of this tommyrot.
- Thank you so much.
- You will take fugitive from apron strings ashore.
- Yes, sir.
But I've got good news for you, Pop.
I know who the murderer is.
- Who?
- That man over there.
He's been chasing me all over the ship.
He's dangerous, Pop.
- Oh, don't worry. Will keep watchful eye on same.
- Okay.
- Take me to murder victim.
- All right, Pop.
This is the man she was supposed
to deliver the money to...
and there's not a mark
of identification on him.
- Except that he was married man.
- How do you figure that out?
Observe, please. Indentation on fourth
finger most often indicate wedding ring.
Wedding ring?
Gosh, I almost forgot.
When he came aboard to get the money, he
gave this to Miss Hayes as identification.
Engraving say, "E.H. To R.H."
Listen, Pop, I'll check those initials
against the names on the passenger list and-
What's that?
Pardon me, gentlemen. I thought this
cabin was occupied only by the corpse.
Sorry to disappoint.
One moment, please.
Will explain strange interest in corpse?
I am Dr. Cardigan,
a specialist in psychiatry.
Have humble impression
psychiatry of no value...
when brain cease to function.
But who are we to know
the line of separation?
The transition is often
gradual and mysterious.
Sometimes the retina of the eye...
may even retain the image
last seen before death.
Have already examined eyes of victim.
Please, remove hand from table.
I'm afraid you're overly
suspicious of me...
since discovering
my pretended deafness.
You see, I'm writing
a book on psychology...
and my little deception gave me an
advantage in observing the people around me.
I compliment you on your alertness.
Most unnecessary.
A quality unfortunately
not shared by your son.
Of course, he's strictly a glandular case,
but an interesting one.
Young man suffer from overdeveloped
impulses and underdeveloped control.
A very clear diagnosis.
We must visit again sometime
and compare notes.
Regret not being present
on your first visit here.
- What do you mean?
- Button found on floor.
Obviously divorced from coat.
Thank you.
Good night, gentlemen.
Say, Pop.
If he's been here before...
maybe he's the one
who removed everything from the body.
- Quite possible.
- Say, did you really look in the dead man's eyes?
- Yes.
- What did you see?
- Merely twin image of humble self.
- Oh.
And that's all there is, Mr. Chan.
It's just as I told it to your son.
What is name of attorney
for whom you deliver money?
- Mr. John Emory of Shanghai.
- And name of client?
I'm sorry, but I can't tell you that.
Don't hold out on anything.
This is serious!
But I really don't know.
I'm just a secretary to Mr. Emory.
My job was only to deliver the money.
Miss Hayes seems rather upset.
Why don't you let her rest for a while?
She told me her whole story
before you came aboard...
and I think I can answer
any further questions.
Dear Officer Randolph
is always so interested in Miss Hayes.
It seems this tropical climate
affects some people that way.
Of course, I'm not criticizing
his romantic tendencies.
What right have you to say that?
Merely that I think
your sympathies are misdirected...
when they're placed with a woman
suspected of murder.
One moment please.
Can explain own presence on ship?
Have I not the right to travel
wherever I wish?
Quite true.
But most strange that lady of evident
wealth choose humble freighter for same.
Well, if you must know, I- I wanted
quiet and rest. I recently became a widow.
So sorry.
- Also regret marriage very unhappy.
- What do you mean?
Absence of wedding ring denote
lack of affection for deceased husband.
Well, I- I was suing for divorce.
May I go now?
Can give no further testimony
on murder case?
None at all. I was resting in my cabin
when I heard the shot fired.
But that isn't true! Why, you were one
of the first on deck after the murder.
If you're trying to imply that I know
anything more than I've said...
you're wasting your time.
You're wasting your time.
Mr. Randolph,
you were first on scene of crime?
- Yes, sir.
- Then perhaps can settle present disagreement?
- Why, I, uh- - Mr. Randolph,
you're wanted on the bridge, sir.
- The ship is approaching her berth.
- Excuse me please.
May I be excused too?
For present.
Will continue investigation later.
Pop, these are the last two passengers.
Mr. McCoy and Detective Arnold
of the San Francisco Police.
So happy to meet
honorable colleague.
Hiya, Mr. Chan. Seems like I know you,
I've seen your picture so many times.
Not in rogue's gallery, I hope.
No, on the front pages.
Incidentally, I'm breaking into print
myself. Here's the baby who did it for me.
The chief sent me over to Shanghai
to pick him up.
He broke out ofjail
awaitin'sentence on a murder.
We got a tip he was in China,
so I hopped over the extradition papers.
Gee, Pop, if this man's
an escaped criminal-
Don't get any smart ideas, sonny-boy.
I got nothing to do with this job.
That's right.
Don't worry about him.
We were playing pinochle
in our cabin when the guy was shot.
But don't you put
handcuffs on him or something?
Listen, brother. I can't swim,
and I ain't never tried to fly.
So how am I gonna lam off this tub?
Besides, this flatfoot hangs around me
like ivy on a prison wall.
Always cracking jokes.
The boys'll love him
back at the big house.
By the way, Charlie,
what do you think of this killing?
Opinion like tea leaf in hot water.
Both need time for brewing.
He's terrific!
Mr. Chan! The money, it's gone.
I had it locked in my trunk.
Mr. Chan, it was $300,000.
I've got to get it back! What shall I do?
I hope you're about finished here,
Mr. Chan.
We've just docked, and a gang of
stevedores will be on board any minute.
So sorry. Must request
no one attempt to board or leave ship.
Now just a minute.
My company can't afford to have a shipload of
freight tied up just because some fool was shot.
You take these people ashore
and solve your mystery.
- I'm clearing out of this port tomorrow.
- Contradiction please.
After case cleared,
ship do likewise.
- You can count on me for any help you need, Charlie.
- Thank you.
- Have officers posted on all gangways.
- Okay, Pop.
Please take me to cabin.
Get outta here.
Now remember. Stop anyone who tries to
come aboard and make sure nobody gets off.
Say, what's the matter with you?
Those are Pop's orders, not mine.
- Yes, sir.
- Yes, sir.
- What's the idea, holdin' up work?
- Orders are orders.
Just move it.
- Is it connected now?
- Yes, sir.
Just a moment, Mrs. Wayne.
You can't go ashore.
I've got to get ashore.
I have a very important call to make.
- I'm sorry.
- We've just had a telephone line connected to the ship.
You'll find it in
the captain's quarters.
Oh, Mr. Randolph.
- You men go ahead. I'll be right with you.
- Yes, sir.
- I've got to get ashore.
- You'll have to speak to Mr. Chan.
- He gave the orders.
- Yes, I know all about that. But you can fix it for me.
Now, I'm afraid you're wrong,
Mrs. Wayne.
I can't interfere with the police,
and I wouldn't if I could.
Just a moment.
Perhaps I can change your mind for you.
I saw you give a gun toJudy Hayes
just before the murder.
You can't prove that.
No, maybe not.
But it'll be very interesting to try.
- Now will you help me get ashore?
- No!
Trunk bears no evidence
of forced opening. Lock is intact.
Miss Hayes,
you are certain money was in trunk?
Yes, and it was locked, and I had the keys
with me. Say, you don't suspect me?
You had reason for not returning
same to captain's custody?
Well, I suppose I should have, but after
the murder, I thought it would be safer here.
After all, I'm responsible for it.
Oh, Mr. Chan, you must find it!
Also imperative for own reputation
to do same.
Come in.
Well, here I am, Charlie.
Got McCoy all tucked away
for the night, and I'm at your service.
So happy.
So this is the trunk
they lifted the dough out of, eh?
Find any fingerprints?
Many, but all smudged.
Oh. How about her?
You think she's on the up-and-up?
Look here, Mr. Arnold.
I've met your kind before. You're not-
I'll bet you have. You wouldn't be the first
dame in the world to fall for heavy sugar.
If you don't need me, I'll go on deck.
Have already been most helpful.
Thank you so much.
Attaboy. Just a little further now.
There we are.
Now there's the gangplank.
Now, just turn to the right. That a boy.
That's the stuff.
Just keep on goin', Oscar.
Hey, not so fast.
Where do you think you're goin'?
Stand aside, boys.
Oscar needs fresh air and-
Hey, nobody goes ashore,
Hogan, and that includes you.
Listen, Oscar's gotta have a lit-
Here, puss, puss, puss, puss.
Here, puss, puss, puss, puss.
Here, puss.
Here, puss, puss.
Here, puss, puss, puss.
Come on. Come down!
Will you come down?
Come on, you son of a gun!
Oscar, will you come down out of there?
Oh, okay. Okay.
Hey, what's the idea?
Stop that girl! Stop that girl!
Say, what's going on?
Get a move on.
Really, gentlemen,
you'll find nothing more illegal here...
than the two bars of soap
I purloined from a Shanghai hotel.
Did we ask you?
- Must search all rooms.
- What's in this thing?
- Let that alone!
- What are you so worried about, Doc?
Don't move it!
You'll ruin everything.
- Oh, yeah?
- I'll open it.
If your clumsy snooping
has disrupted my apparatus, I'll-
No, it's all right.
It's still alive.
What's alive?
A human brain.
Excuse please.
You say brain now alive?
Yes. After years of work,
I alone have achieved the impossible.
It has lived in
that liquid for six months.
Whose brain please?
That of Chang Ho Ping,
the famous Chinese murderer.
You see, I experiment only
with the criminal brain.
I have some beautiful
specimens at home.
You mean to say you got more of'em?
That you live with them things?
Hey, how did you get
a living brain?
That, my dear sir,
is a secret...
which will be fully revealed
in the book I am now writing-
a work that will revolutionize
the entire present treatment of criminals.
The surgeon's knife rather than
a prison cell is my solution of crime.
Someday, I shall build
a magnifiicent laboratory...
and call it the Crime Clinic,
and then-
Excuse please.
Much money required...
to make such dream become reality.
- I have already obtained all I need.
- So happy.
- Let's get out of here.
- Thank you so much.
Oh, pardon me.
Your friend, Mr. McCoy-
What sentence is he returning to?
A hundred and 10 years,
countin' time off for good behavior.
Oh, what a pity.
I'd hoped for an execution.
That's too bad.
Good night, gentlemen.
Hey, you gonna let this guy run around
loose? Let's lock him up with McCoy.
Most inadvisable
for Mr. McCoy's sake.
- Good night.
- Yeah.
- Well, what's next, Charlie?
- Interview Mr. McCoy.
McCoy? Say, you ain't
suspicious of him, are ya?
Nah. That's a cold lead, Charlie.
Why, he even bunks with me.
Making bedfellow of serpent
no guarantee against snakebite.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
- Hello.
- How do you do?
Say, Doc, do you mind
lookin' me over?
I think I cracked my head open,
what with one thing and another.
A pleasure.
- Take a seat, won't you?
- Thank you, sir.
- You say you're having trouble with your head?
- Yes, Doc.
Everything seems to be
goin' dark all the time.
Not exactly a criminal formation.
- Oh, no, no.
- More the subnormal.
Uh, yes, that's what I thought.
How old are you?
I make it 37.
Yes, just as I thought.
A rare case of arrested development.
Say, Doc...
that won't c-c-curl my hair, will it?
No, it's quite harmless.
Just relax.
M- M-Maybe-
Maybe there ain't nothing
the matter with me at all.
Maybe all I need is a- a drink.
I'm afraid I have nothing here
but pure alcohol...
in which I prepare my brains.
You and me both, Doc.
W- W-W-W-What's that?
Come here, and I'll show you.
That's my brain.
I can't understand it.
I locked him in just like always.
He must have slid out that porthole.
Contradiction please.
Porthole locked on inside.
Yeah. Wait'll I get
my hands on that stir-bug.
I'll teach him he can't
pull a sneak-out on me.
Trying to take a powder on me, eh?
I was upstairs gettin' a little fresh air.
It's kind of stuffy in here.
Please explain possession of door key.
Why, uh, I lifted it
out of Arnold's pocket.
Oh, no, you didn't.
Double-crossing me
after the way I've treated ya!
Sorry, Charlie. They don't often get away
from me. Now, where did you get that key?
Pop! Pop!
Gee, Pop, I've been
lookin' all over for you.
- Judy Hayes is gone.
- You mean escaped?
Yeah. I was keepin' watch
just like you said...
when Hogan comes along with his lion-
Never mind lion.
How long ago lady escape?
I don't know just how long, Pop,
'cause I was almost unconscious!
Have suspected same since birth.
Say, maybe the dame
took the dough ashore with her.
Will soon find out.
Hey, you gotta sock me that hard?
You loosened up my wisdom tooth.
Pull another boner like that,
I'll loosen up that thick skull of yours.
No one's gonna get wise.
You're acting just like a dick.
- Sometimes you got me believing it.
- Listen, this Chan guy is no sap.
And if he ever gets hip that I'm Mike Hannigan,
they're gonna start looking for Arnold's body.
That's when I wind up in the hot seat...
with you sittin' right in my lap.
- Police headquarters.
- Gosh, Pop, it wasn't my fault.
- I was on the job.
- Inspector Rawlins, please.
- You've gotta believe me, it was
Oscar the lion that- - Quiet. Quiet.
Yes, Charlie.
She did?
How did that happen?
Unfortunate combination
of Oscar the lion and number two son.
I don't get the connection, but I do
know this is putting us on the spot.
The owners of that freighter are on my neck
because we're keeping their ship tied up.
And now,
you let a suspect get away!
Mr. Chan, I have an urgent call
from the hospital. Will you take it?
Thank you.
Hold line, Inspector.
Honorable father-in-law?
- Say, who is this?
- Your son-in-law.
I haven't got any son-in-law!
Get off this line.
Ling is resting most peacefully,
but has great desire for watermelon.
Why call me concerning melon?
You told me
to report to you each hour.
I don't want any watermelon.
This is the police department. Hello!
Charlie, somebody's trying
to cut in on us.
Now just give me the description
and name of that fugitive.
We have chosen several names.
Lotus, Cherry, Lung if it's a boy-
Am hoping for boy, but-
I thought you said it was a girl?
We don't know yet.
Name is Judy Hayes.
Five feet 5 inches tall.
Please get watermelon
and get off line.
- What?
- No, not you, Inspector.
Mr. Chan, they've just found Miss Hayes.
They're bringing her in here now.
This officer says you were
looking for me, Mr. Chan.
Say, I can't hear anything!
Now, give me that description again.
So sorry.
Description unnecessary, Inspector.
Fugitive now present.
- Honest, Pop, she did leave the ship. I saw her go.
- He's right.
I did go ashore. And when I came back,
this officer picked me up at the gangway.
I guess that settles it. It's obvious to
me she sneaked the money ashore with her.
You can think what you wish.
The money's stolen.
- Then why did you go ashore?
- I've got myself to protect.
I wanted to phone my employer,
Mr. Emory in Shanghai.
Did you tell Mr. Chan about the gun
Mr. Randolph gave you this afternoon?
- How did you know?
- Please.
Gosh, Pop! The same caliber gun
that the murderer used.
One shell discharged.
- I never fired it.
- The gun's mine, Mr. Chan.
I fired it several days ago
at a shark following the ship.
Please explain why
young lady carry same.
Miss Hayes told me about
an appointment she had...
- with a stranger whom she expected to come aboard.
- I asked for the gun.
That was a lot of money I was handing
over, and I was pretty nervous.
Why didn't you tell Mr. Chan
about the gun, if it's all so innocent?
It slipped my mind until
you reminded me of it...
and threatened to tell the police
unless I got you ashore.
What was urgency
of shore visit please?
That's my business.
So grateful for cooperation.
That is all for present.
But any further attempt
to leave ship will cause immediate arrest.
- Oh, Captain?
- Yes.
You offered me a brandy right after
lunch today. Might I have it now?
You certainly may.
I need one myself.
Have Ballistics check
approximate time gun last fired.
Also, get report from telephone company
on Miss Hayes' Shanghai call.
Yes, sir.
Gosh. Things are sure poppin' now.
What's our next move?
For you, towards home.
Oh, gee, Pop,
don't be like that.
I've been on this case from the start,
and I want to stay on it.
Please let me stay.
I've gotta make a reputation for myself...
or I'll never get any clients.
Now, if you'll only let me
explain my idea.
Make short and most snappy please.
Well, of course it's okay to check the gun
and Miss Hayes' phone call...
but we still don't know why
Mrs. Wayne wanted to go ashore.
Maybe she was trying
to get away with the money.
Already contemplate
search of lady's cabin.
Then I'm going with you, 'cause I thought
of it too and a lot of other things.
You won't be sorry
you let me stay, Pop.
You know, two heads
are better than one?
Come on, Pop.
- Judy.
- Yes?
Why don't you come clean
about this whole thing?
I mean, at least to me.
What are you talking about?
After you left the ship,
I searched your cabin because, well...
I- I didn't want the police to find
anything there that might hurt you.
- What could be there that would hurt me?
- This.
It was hidden in a torn life preserver.
There's $10,000 in it.
Why, that's part of the stolen money.
Where's the rest of it?
- How should I know?
- George.
- You don't think I stole my own money, do you?
- Everybody does.
- What's the use of kidding yourself?
- Oh, don't be ridiculous.
If I took the money ashore, you don't think
I'd be stupid enough to leave this behind?
- That's what I couldn't figure out.
- Well, I can.
This money was planted in my cabin
after I left the ship.
It was a beautiful little piece of
framing, and I think I know who did it.
- Oh.
- This is an unexpected pleasure, Mrs. Wayne.
Well, I- I must have made a mistake.
This is not my cabin.
There are no mistakes. This is
Miss Hayes' cabin, and you know it.
Miss Hayes?
Then what are you doing here?
- The same as you are.
- I don't like your insinuations, Doctor.
- Let me out of here.
- I didn't invite you here.
But since you've come, there are
one or two questions you can answer.
We'd better hurry before
Mrs. Wayne walks in on us.
- Did you find anything yet, Pop?
- Much money.
- Huh?
- But all invested in underwear.
"R.H. To E.H."
Gee, Pop. The same initials
as on the dead man's ring.
Must compliment sparrow
with eye of eagle.
- Mrs. Wayne said that-
- But she's not Mrs. Wayne!
This proves she was traveling
under an assumed name.
Say, I'll bet she was
the murdered man's sweetheart.
- Or wife.
- That's right.
She was getting a divorce.
- No, she said she was a widow.
- Lady was speaking truth.
She became widow today.
Boy, is she gonna have plenty to explain.
Let's go, Pop.
It's Mrs. Wayne.
- Is she-
- Strangled by scarf.
Gosh, that's awful.
Now I don't know where we stand.
I figured Mrs. Wayne killed her husband,
but now somebody goes and kills her.
- Look for pair scissors.
- Scissors?
- Is she stabbed too?
- No.
Only want to cut scarf from neck.
Say, Pop, this is Judy Hayes' cabin.
I wonder what Mrs. Wayne was doing here?
They didn't act very friendly.
I wonder what Mrs. Wayne was doing here?
They didn't act very friendly.
Gee, but I'd hate to think
Miss Hayes killed her.
- What was that? Somebody was listening.
- Wait!
Caution very good life insurance.
I've been over this tub from stem to stern...
and there ain't a sign
of that dough anyplace.
- Did you find anything, Charlie?
- Yes.
Something concerning Mrs. Wayne.
Mrs. Wayne? I thought there was
something phony about that woman.
And that Cardigan guy is another one.
Now, I ask you, Charlie...
is it natural for the guy to travel around
with a jug full of brains?
Most unusual.
You've had men aboard
the Susan B. Jennings all night...
and as far as I know,
the only thing they've caught is a lion!
There is no time schedule
for solving a crime, Mr. Peabody.
But there is for running
cargo boats, Inspector.
As representative of the owners,
I'm giving you their final word.
If our ship is held up here another day,
we're suing the city.
Get me the Susan B. Jennings.
I'll see what's going on out there.
- Yes?
- I want to speak to Lieutenant Chan.
I can't get him now.
My ship is on fire!
- What?
- What's the matter?
- The ship's on fire!
- It's on fire? Why, it can't be!
Hello. Hello!
Captain Johnson! Hello!
I'm disconnected. Hello! Hello-
Captain Johnson! Hello!
Bring your fire hose forward!
Cover your hatches aft!
Make fast to starboard port!
Stand by your stations, you men!
Get all the passengers on deck.
- Aye.
- And man that number two hose.
- Come on, men!
- Close all the fire doors!
- How bad is it?
- We don't know yet. Stay on deck.
This way, men!
- Where's Pop?
- I don't know. I gotta get McCoy out of here!
He's gone!
McCoy! Mac!
- What have you got in here?
- Stay away from this case.
- You'll have to tell me what's in it.
- My living brain.
- Your living brain?
- Yes, and keep your hands off.
Come on, you men, with that hose!
It's down here in one of these starboard
cabins. Bring your hose this way.
Come on, men!
Don't go in there, Captain.
It's a raging inferno!
Well, what do you think I'm looking for?
Get out of my way!
Come on, men!
Let her go.
Cut off your hose!
What kind of a gag is this?
- Unlike old adage, much smoke, but no fire.
- Smells like gasoline, sir.
If this is another one
of your tricks-
Interruption please. Only connection
with blaze was to extinguish same.
Then who did start it?
Have not yet
identified culprit.
Well, if you can't find out, I will.
Quiet the passengers,
and turn off the alarm.
- I'm gonna get to the bottom of this.
- Aye, sir.
Gee, Pop, now who'd wanna start
a fire in a bathtub?
I- I must have dropped them.
Please explain reason
for arson attempt.
Well, I started it to make the murderer
think it was a real fire...
so that he'd grab the money
and try to leave the ship.
Then I'd nab him.
It was a trick you once tried, Pop.
- Remember?
- Idea excellent.
But bait only good
if fish bite on same.
But somebody did.
I saw Dr. Cardigan dragging a big box
out of his stateroom.
He said there was
a living brain inside, and-
Look out!
Thank you so much.
Gee, Pop!
Let's get out of here!
Hey, what's the idea?
Ship's on fire!
Hey, what are you doin' there?
- Did you hear that shot?
- Shut up, all of you!
- I have enough trouble without all this yammering.
- Excuse please.
- We heard a shot. Sounded like
it came from here. - Captain-
Own ears detect sound
of same gunshot.
Come on, come on, before you get hurt!
Go on, get down there.
- What is the meaning of this, Mr. Randolph?
- There's your man.
I caught him trying to go
over the side with this.
Gee, Pop!
The stolen money!
Yes, it is, Captain Johnson.
It is my money.
Please explain possession of same.
- I just found it, that's all.
I saw him take it out of a lifeboat.
He's probably had it hidden there ever
since he took it from Miss Hayes' room.
You're all wet!
I just happened to find it.
And I'd like to know who wouldn't try to
cop a sneak with his hooks on 300 grand.
There's no doubt about it.
He's our man.
- All right, Mr. Chan, make your arrest.
- You can't touch me.
- I'm in his custody.
- And that's where you're staying from now on!
- May examine key, please?
- Certainly.
- Thank you so much.
- Hey, give me that key. What's the idea?
Idea is both you and confederate
are under arrest.
Hey, you can't arrest me.
I'm Detective Arnold!
Contradiction please.
You are Mike Hannigan...
for whom San Francisco Police
search most diligently.
What are you talkin' about?
Where do you get that cockeyed dope?
Reward circular
with photographic likeness...
arrive by clipper plane
from San Francisco yesterday.
Body of real Detective Arnold,
murdered by these men...
recovered from Yangtze River
in China 10 days ago.
Pretty smart stuff pretending
to have McCoy in your custody...
so that the both of you could use my ship
to make your getaway to the States.
Captain! Captain! Mr. Chan!
Say, there's somethin' funny going on
on board this ship.
As if I hadn't
enough trouble with ghosts...
somebody drops this cannon
down the ventilator.
Please. Gun fired
in last five minutes.
Two shells discharged.
- Now you've got your evidence.
- Not so fast there, Captain.
That gun don't belong to me.
Here's mine.
- One moment.
- And that gun hasn't been fired.
Look at it.
Mr. Chan, will you take these men
out of here and settle this case ashore?
You have your murderers and your evidence.
Now, I've gotta get this cargo unloaded.
So sorry.
Cargo must wait.
But why?
What more proof do you want?
Proof of fingerprints
on discharged gun.
You will in 10 minutes, please...
have all passengers
assembled at your cabin.
- Well, all right.
- Thank you so much.
Dr. Cardigan.
As student of
criminal psychology...
would perhaps lend noted talents
to final experiment?
I should be very happy to do so.
Please, run thread underneath
blotter through hole.
Now, please remain
where you are, Mr. Chan.
It would seem that a certain theory
of mine was correct.
Detectives as well as murderers
invariably make one fatal mistake.
You should not have let this gun
remain on the desk behind your back.
Am aware of mistake.
We all make them.
I made one by turning around when
you dropped that coin to test my deafness.
I found it annoying,
but I feel better now.
Then prepare for relapse.
Took precaution
to remove bullets.
So that explains
your lack of nervous reaction.
Just another experiment
that has produced nothing.
Contradiction please.
Has produced one high-class set
of much desired fingerprints.
What's he bringing us up here now for?
- Let's get this over with in a hurry.
- Will do humble best.
- Sit down, Judy.
- Oh, thank you.
Please, will everybody
make selves most comfortable?
Miss Hayes,
entire amount of fortune intact...
when recovered from
light-fingered gentleman?
Why-Why, yes.
Are positive $10,000 not missing?
What do you mean?
Paper money band indicate theft.
Very clever questioning, Mr. Chan.
Then provide clever answer.
Found money band in your cabin.
- Explain please.
- I'm sorry. I can't explain that.
Somebody did take $10,000 of that money
and hid it in Miss Hayes' cabin.
They were trying to frame her,
and I think-
Say, where's Mrs. Wayne?
Must conduct inquiry without her.
She's in it as much as the rest of us.
Let Mr. Chan handle this. Mrs. Wayne
had no connection with this case.
Excuse please.
You experience great friendship
for absent lady?
Why, not especially, no.
Then please explain why you permit her
to travel under assumed name.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Have reason to believe opposite.
May examine lady's passport?
There you are.
I don't want you to misunderstand this...
but she told me she was
very nervous and very worried...
and she was just getting a divorce,
and she wanted to travel quietly.
I saw no reason to refuse her request.
Most understandable.
Passport give lady's
real name as Hillman.
Passport give lady's
real name as Hillman.
- Hillman? Why, that was-
- Name of murdered man?
Why, uh, yes.
Did not know Mrs. Wayne
was wife of same?
No. All I know is I was supposed
to bring the money to him.
Please explain
complete nature of errand.
I can't.
It was confidential business.
You'd better talk, Miss Hayes.
It's bound to come out sooner or later.
They were getting a divorce.
He wanted the money out of China...
to avoid a property settlement.
Leave her alone!
Get Mrs. Wayne or Hillman...
whatever her name is, up here
and make her explain!
Regret impossibility.
Unfortunate lady murdered.
- Murdered?
- Who killed her?
I told you there was
somethin' funny going on.
An unusually interesting case,
Mr. Chan.
Two murders,
and not a single witness.
Contradiction please.
Have one silent witness.
Murder gun with fingerprints
of criminal reposing on handle...
most likely duplicate
of same fingerprints now in this room.
Are you going to fingerprint all of us?
All except Dr. Cardigan...
who already kindly
donate own fingerprints.
- You have ink pad?
- Sure, Pop.
Hello. Who?
Who? Oh, we're busy.
Call back later.
Hello! What's that?
Wing Foo?
- I never heard of him. I don't know.
- No, please. For me.
- Hello?
- Honorable father-in-law?
- Yes.
- I wish to report that Ling is very restless.
So is prospective grandparent.
Stork evidently fly
wrong course to Honolulu.
Ling has lost all desire for watermelon
and now demands gumdrops.
- Wing Foo, Doctor says to come quick!
- Excuse me!
I'm about to become a father!
Tell her to wait for me!
Be there in 15 minutes! Hello!
Who-Who-Who did that?
- Turn on those lights!
- Hey, you guys!
- I got him, Pop! I got him!
- You got who?
- Come on! Get in there!
- Mr. Chan, the gun is gone!
Am aware of same.
- What a break for somebody.
- Now you never can prove who the murderer was.
Correction please.
Murderer identified self.
Is now safely imprisoned.
- Imprisoned?
- Where?
Inside camera.
Guilty one took own picture
while removing gun from desk.
Dr. Cardigan...
be so kind as to develop film
with utmost speed?
Keep watchful eye on doctor.
Okay, Pop.
- Turn that light off, please.
- Y-Yes, sir.
- It's coming up now.
- Good.
Wait a minute!
Pop, here it is!
Here is picture of guilty person,
Captain Johnson.
It's the captain!
Denial is useless.
Photograph does not lie.
Only you and Mrs. Wayne aware
Miss Hayes carry large sum to Honolulu.
Mrs. Wayne wanted to prevent husband
from receiving same.
Money being entrusted
to your safekeeping...
you saw chance to obtain
huge fortune for yourself.
Captain Johnson shot
Mrs. Wayne's husband...
when he came aboard ship
and hid money in lifeboat...
where it was discovered
by light-fingered gentleman.
He then tried to cover trail...
by planting money wrapper
on Dr. Cardigan...
and portion of money
in Miss Hayes' cabin.
Suddenly, Mrs. Wayne
become overly suspicious.
So he strangled her with scarf...
tied in sailor's knot.
Only positive clue...
was gun used in attempt
upon life of humble self.
But fingerprints on gun all smudged,
and so useless...
making necessary trick with camera...
loaned by strange
but most helpful Dr. Cardigan.
So sorry, Captain Johnson.
- Well, I guess me and McCoy can go, huh?
- Yes, to jail with Captain.
What a wonderful contribution to science
your brain would make, Mr. Chan.
Thank you so much,
but for present...
would prefer to keep same
for own use.
What a pity.
Lieutenant Chan speaking.
Please exercise self-control.
It's a boy, Pop!
It's a boy!
- Who's he talking to?
- I get it. He's having a baby.
Can you hear 'im, Pop?
Congratulations, Mr. Chan.
Contradiction please.
In present case,
am only innocent bystander.
Coochie, coochie, coochie,
coochie, coochie!