Charming (2018) Movie Script

This is the untold true story
of the most famous prince
the world has ever known.
You know him -
always coming to the rescue
of some damsel in distress.
Well, I know him better.
Hey, all he ever wanted
was to make every girl
feel like a princess.
Can you blame him?
When Sleeping Beauty
took a hundred-year nap,
he was there with
a wake-up call.
When Cinderella
needed a partner
on the dancefloor,
he was a shoo-in.
When Snow White
bit that poisoned apple,
his kiss was the cure.
But you can have too much
of a good thing.
And that's exactly what
got him into this mess.
Mess? I'm just a bit too...
..charming, that's all.
How we doing?
You got my good side? (LAUGHS)
Trick question.
They're both my good side.
Well, at least
that's what they tell me.
PAINTER: Come on, this is
for your wedding portrait.
Give me a smile
like a man in love.
Love? I wish I even knew
what that meant.
PAINTER: Well, then,
how did you meet your princess?
Ah, yes, it was a moment
I will never forget.
Ooh. Which princess
do you mean exactly?
Cinderella! Sleeping Beauty!
Snow White!
All three princesses!
Welcome to Frazelli's!
ALL: I need a wedding cake!
We make the finest wedding
cakes in the four kingdoms.
I hope so.
Nobody's going to
snooze at my ball.
Except maybe me.
I'm marrying a prince.
Yeah, I'm sure he's a prince
of a guy or whatever,
but my beloved,
he's an actual prince.
Sing it to some birds who care.
Can we get on with this?
My wedding is really soon.
- How soon?
- Oh, careful!
You frown too much and
you'll get wicked witch eyes!
And your mirror will tell you -
he'll tell you
right to your face.
Ladies, ladies!
In 40 years, I have learned
that no two cakes
and no two grooms are alike.
So, each of you,
tell me something
about the man
who has enchanted you so.
(SINGS) They call me
a damsel in distress
'Cause I won my prize
The one with the kingdom
and the big brown eyes
The one with the voice
that can boom like music
And my, oh, my,
does he know how to use it
I'm not playing with ya
He looks into your eyes
- Knows what to say to ya...
He's so beautiful,
that's the consensus
I'll bet the crown jewels
I will be his princess
I like him for his smile
I like him for his hair
I like him for his style
I like him 'cause
he's so debonair
- He's my trophy boy
- My trophy boy
My trophy boy
I want him for myself
I want to lock him down
I want that ring on my finger
like I want that crown
He's my trophy boy,
my trophy boy
My trophy boy
He's so vicious,
so totally runway
And I know I wasn't listening,
but he's totally funny
I don't even care
if he ever makes a sound
Just as long as
when you see me
He's around
and he's bound to me
I like him for his smile
I like him for his hair
I like him for his style
I like him 'cause
he's so debonair
He's my trophy boy,
my trophy boy
My trophy boy
I want him for myself,
I want to lock him down
I want that ring on my finger
like I want that crown
- He's my trophy boy
- My trophy boy
My trophy boy
Oh, oh, oh, my gosh
Oh, my fairy godmother
Won't you call this boy's mama
And tell her that I love her,
I like him for his smile,
I like him for his hair
I like him for his style
I like him
'cause he's so debonair
He's my trophy boy,
my trophy boy
My trophy boy
I want him for myself
I want to lock him down
I want that ring on my finger
like I want that crown
He's my trophy boy,
my trophy boy...
MAN: Coming through!
I need a trophy boy
Hey! Papa! What a morning!
Oh, son!
Aren't you tired of being hated
by every man in the land?
Curse that cursed curse!
The prince stole my love!
Yeah. I have been trying to run
away from the ladies, though.
(GULPS) Mmm!
Just like you asked, Papa.
You don't know
how troubling this curse is.
I am attempting to run a kingdom
here! Of course I do!
you are the future king
and yet you still have not
chosen a bride!
Your blasted curse
must be broken
and we've only three days
before your 21st birthday.
I'm engaged to Sleeping Beauty,
Cinderella and Snow White.
Then just pick one!
That's not love. I don't know
the meaning of the word.
Seriously, what is it?
The day has come for you
to run the gauntlet.
- The gauntlet?
- The rite of passage.
All the way to Fire Mountain.
It will give you
the answers you seek
as it did for me
and my father before me.
The gauntlet is a journey
that makes you a man.
It led me to the Latin beauty
that became my true love.
May your mother rest in peace.
Unfortunately, that's also
when I broke the heart
of my trusted guide.
PHILIPPE: You mean
Nemeny Neverwish?
so jealous of our love.
Nemeny became our enemy,
consumed in dark fairy magic.
She vowed revenge
not just on me
but on love itself.
I'll never forget
the day it all happened,
the day of your royal blessing.
FAIRY: Presenting
the royal blessing fairy!
Your Excellency,
it is my honour to bestow
the royal blessing
upon the young prince
as I blessed you
and your father before you.
For you, my tiny lord!
From this day forth
you shall always be...
Oh! Ohh!
Too much charm!
Nemeny Neverwish?
You seem so surprised, Philip.
I did promise I'd be back.
What have you done?
Oh, how they will throw
themselves at your boy now.
He'll be a little heartbreaker,
just like his daddy.
In fact... maiden who gazes
into the eyes of the prince
will be able to
resist his smile.
She will believe that
the prince is her true love.
One by one,
he will steal the heart of
every maiden in the land.
Heartbreak will reign.
And when the sun sets
on his 21st birthday,
this charming curse
will be sealed
and on that day,
all love will disappear
No! I will find a way
to break your curse!
It could be broken on the last
day with a kiss of true love.
- Guards!
- Your Highness!
Seize her!
Seize what? (SNEEZES)
FAIRY: Bless you!
Now, don't freak out!
He's got 21 years
to find true love's kiss.
- But how?
- It can't be that hard.
He's a prince!
And he's covered in charm.
Oh, with every lady in the land
throwing themselves at him,
will he ever know the difference
between the curse
and real love?
We've been over this
so many times, Papa.
I still have a few days
to consider my options.
We're out of options.
I can't do this for you.
You've got to do it
for yourself, Philippe.
(THINKS) For myself? How?
How can I tell Papa
that I'm scared?
How can I go out there and find
something I don't even
(SIGHS) True love?
Every girl I've ever met
was hypnotised.
That's not love.
It's meaningless. (ECHOES)
Meaningless! (ECHOES)
There's a big echo in my head!
I had no idea there was
this much room in here!
Uh... what is he doing
with my chair?
All you need is a little push.
For the sake of the kingdom!
And do not return
until you choose a wife!
Things you do for love!
Alright, let's go gauntlet-ing!
It's gonna be...
- Whoa!
You! Clear the road!
The rest of you, stay alert.
This could take a while.
MAN: One, two, three!
- Yah! Yah!
Illy, you've earned this. 20%.
- Fine. 40%.
Oh, just get Charlie,
would you?
MAN: You there! Thief!
- Stop! It's her!
It's Lenore Quinonez!
Well, celebration's over.
That's our cue, ladies.
- Hyah!
SONG: This girl's not changin'
No, I'm not changin'
They always say to settle down
I'd rather see
this world go round
'Cause I'm not changin'
My explanation
I won't leave the past behind
Not even for a moment in time
'Cause I'm not changin',
- Yah!
- Changin' for you...
- This one's mine!
- She's getting away!
I do what I do
I'm not changin'...
We've got her now!
I'm a thief in the night,
won't know I'm there
Before you know it,
I'll disappear
What's yours is mine
This world is late
I'm not changin',
Whoo-hoo! See you, boys!
I do what I do.
So, determine which of my
princesses is my real true love
or all love will die,
and darkness will consume
the land forevermore.
Piece of cake!
No, no, I actually want
a piece of cake.
Apologies, my lord.
Ah, my Arabian princess.
Your genie has appeared.
- My camel awaits and...
It's not for you!
Gladys, got your note.
But I want you to see, um...
- Over here.
See other people,
in any direction!
Oh, I really can't
dance right now,
but your moves, so consistent.
- Charming!
- Hey, look at you!
I'm really in a time crunch,
so maybe... never?
Oh, didn't we just meet last
week? Yeah, that got funny, huh?
WOMAN: You don't need a
princess, you need a good cook.
Meet me at The Dainty Dish!
- What? Come back!
- MAN: Hey!
- Coming through!
- Out of the way!
I know she's around here
Dressed for adventure!
Those eyes!
I need to say something.
Say something!
Flayberby flobby!
What was that?! Try again.
- Face like a mermaid.
- No!
Voice of a meerkat!
My brain is a bottle!
Butter on pancakes!
What is happening?
I can't put a sentence together.
And why do my knees
feel like paella?
Where's that super charm,
and why isn't it working?
Say something that makes sense!
Very nice, my lady!
This is nice. And so are we!
Um, I think you might
have hit your head.
I'm probably stressed.
Nemeny Neverwish, a dark fairy
at war with love itself,
threatens our land.
But if I run the gauntlet
and figure out
which of my
three fiances to marry,
I'll take a vow and save us all!
Did you say you're engaged
to three women?
Look, it's not like
I planned it, OK?
I've got a charm
that just won't let go.
- Um...
- It's such a curse.
Well, you should try
letting go more often.
Thanks for the dance, fella!
That was the weirdest feeling.
- Uh-oh!
Oh, no!
No-one steps on this side of
Frazelli's counter unless...
- Have you seen this woman?
- I don't think so. Sorry!
(GROANS) Come on! (GRUNTS)
- Phew!
Whoa! (LAUGHS)
Hello?! Is anyone here?
Oh, I didn't hear
you girls come in!
- We all need our wedding cakes.
We're just adding
the final touches.
So, blondie, tell me.
How'd you and your, um,
true love first meet?
Well, I don't have much time
but my father married
a complete psycho.
She had him killed and
then turned me into the maid.
Oooh! I did floors!
Well, conveniently,
I had a fairy godmother,
even though she had never
shown her face once
in the years and years I lived
in the fireplace of my own home.
What did she do? Make
a call to Child Services?
She did show up the night of
the big ball at the castle
and she gave me some really
nice clothes, a fancy ride,
and some gorgeous, though
incredibly uncomfortable, shoes.
Ooh! I like shoes.
Now I have to worry about
the arbitrary midnight deadline
of my fairy godmother's magic.
Oh, thank goodness my future
husband managed to find me
because I am apparently the
only girl in my entire kingdom
with a size-6.5 foot.
Wow! That is one seriously
messed-up story.
So, you with skin
as white as snow, you're up.
How'd you meet your prince?
You're a stranger,
so don't touch me.
My evil stepmother
tried to kill me.
Ugh. Evil stepmothers
are the worst.
SNOW WHITE: And then,
seven tiny little bearded men
who work underground
left me in a glass coffin
in the middle of the woods.
OK, that's kind of weird.
Anyways, that's when my sweet,
charming prince found me...
..and kissed me
and brought me back to life.
I'm sorry, his kiss
brought you back to life?
Yeah! Good old mouth-to-mouth.
You know, you're all kind of
freaking me out.
And yet, with morbid curiosity,
I can only wonder
what your lips will spout.
On my 16th birthday,
I pricked my finger on the
spindle of a spinning wheel
even though I was,
like, totally warned
that if I ever touched a spindle
I'd fall asleep forever.
Oh, my! That's a very...
specific curse.
Anyway, the fairies who raised
me in a hut in the forest
totally put my entire
kingdom to sleep.
- Why, exactly?
- I don't know.
Anyway, we all slept
for a hundred years.
That's when my very own
amazing prince
found me passed out
on the floor.
And he did what
anyone else would do.
He called for a doctor?
He pretended he didn't see you
and walked away
so he didn't have to deal?
No. He kissed me.
And five seconds later,
we were engaged.
- Oh!
- And soon I'll be crowned.
Must be three lucky men!
Who's got a picture?
SONG: My trophy boy!
Are you guys hoping to
marry the same prince?
Well, ladies, what can I say,
besides thanks for sharing,
best of luck.
And you know what?
Maybe try therapy.
Huh! Weird.
How'd that get there? (CHUCKLES)
MAN: Medieval crimes
in medieval times!
Sleeping Beauty robbed!
King Beauty to prosecute.
Cinderella robbed!
Fairy godmother flummoxed!
Snow White robbed!
Cranky, founding dwarf of
the Hi-Ho Mining Company,
to press charges.
All three ripped-off royals
engaged to the same prince!
How? Why?
Hear ye, hear ye!
Charming to run
the legendary gauntlet.
Forecast for survival? Cloudy!
Merlin's Mattress Warehouse
is having a sale!
Prices - insane!
Yep, that's her,
the baker burglar.
I'm gonna lie down.
Being robbed by strangers?
It's safer in the woods.
So we've trapped you,
the thief who's stolen
the treasure from my guards.
My apologies, but...
you make it easy.
- She's stealing my prince.
- Daddy, he's mine!
Yes, dears. I'm working on it!
And I thought I had problems!
The Charming curse!
Well, it's one tough
enchantment, isn't it?
Dark magic from Neverwish.
It's hard to break that spell,
but I'll do my best!
Oh, don't worry, it'll turn back
next time the clock strikes 12.
Ticking clock magic's hardly
magic at all, is what it is.
That prince is running
the gauntlet.
- GODMOTHER: Oooh! Poor dear.
- I know.
I've seen some guys twice
his size never survive that one.
At least you have a picture
to remember him.
Well, if he's killed,
nobody marries, do they?
Wait a minute -
could there be a way
that we could come to
a little arrangement?
Instead of... jail?
I guess I could be convinced.
Hmm. Thief, you will
protect this prince.
Me? Fine!
You turn me loose,
I get your prince
through the gauntlet alive.
But I don't come cheap.
It'll cost a fortune in gold.
Perhaps three golden fortunes
would suffice?
Now we have a deal.
Three horse carts full.
No promissory notes,
payments in cash only.
So I just get him
to Fire Mountain?
where we make him pick a bride.
I'll get him to Fire Mountain
in three days.
You take the main road
ahead of us
while I guide the prince
through a safer route.
Think of it as gaunt-lite.
And I'm on wanted posters
all over town,
so I'll be in disguise.
Three days.
Agreed! Where did she go?
Hey! She stole my moustache!
you were running the gauntlet.
You'll need a trusted guide
to make it through.
Lucky for you,
I know my way around
every part of the gauntlet.
You know, like a gauntlet guide.
Well, I was thinking of hiring
one of these ruffians
to guide me through it.
This one was
a little too aggressive.
A real pain in the... ahem!
But she certainly was immune
to all of my charms.
Tell me,
could you imagine travelling
with someone like this?
Nope! Never, ever, ever, ever.
You're lucky.
Life on the open road
can make you a little bit crazy.
You said you were a guide?
More like THE guide!
Already headed that way.
Prince Philippe Charming.
And I'm Len...
(DEEP VOICE) I'm Lenny.
Yup, Lenny's my name!
We leave at once!
So, Lenny...
What's for supper?
- Excuse me?
- Supper.
The meal that comes
after lunch, before bed.
What are we having?
- Why don't you tell me?
Oh, oh. Oh, awkward. Uh, I...
I assumed
you picked up on it already.
Um, I am...
..a prince.
You know.
So, um...
Oh, you're right,
this IS awkward,
because I assumed that
YOU picked up on it already.
I don't care.
Then you suggest I...
What? Fend for myself?
Only if you're hungry,
Your Majesty.
You're mocking me.
Well, you could man up a little.
Oh, of course. You're jealous.
(LAUGHS) Of you?!
I am a prince on a noble quest.
You are a thief
incapable of loving
anything but... your trinkets.
- (THUD!)
So, how does one end up
engaged to three princesses?
It is a little bit troubling.
When you're born a prince,
you marry a princess.
I have to find one who truly
loves me to break this curse.
So I just keep proposing to
them, one after another.
You see, you don't steal
their heart, you earn it.
So enlighten me, Seor Suave.
When you save them, why
do you have to marry them?
Are you not listening?
Wait for it.
So then, no true love?
That will come when I discover
who I am to be with.
So who's in the lead?
It could be the girl with
the glass shoes, Cinderella.
The night we met,
she felt the clock ticking.
But now she takes her time.
- How long is this going to take?
- PAINTER: Uh... a while?
Tick-tock, buddy! It's always
midnight somewhere!
- I'm no Da Vinci or anything.
- Mm-hm.
Did you know he just invented
a new kind of...
Is he inventing a faster way
to paint a portrait? Huh?
Quick-drying paint?
I've got a fitting in an hour!
So you're willing
to risk your life for her?
I must! True love for
my people is in jeopardy.
The gauntlet consists
of three impossible tasks.
- One - cross an impassable pass.
Two - survive
an unsurvivable attack.
- The punching and the kicking!
And three - conquer
an unconquerable beast.
- Oooh.
- Now, that's a shadow puppet.
Sounds exhausting.
That's what I said.
Still, can't be worse than
collecting and
hoarding treasure.
Hey, perhaps that's
MY true love.
Not possible. Treasure
can never love you back.
It can never complete you.
Why not? Obtaining it does
meet all of your requirements.
Not all, for there is a fourth
and final requirement.
Both lovers must take a blind
leap of faith for each other.
And since gold coins
and rare baubles
can never do that,
at the end of the day,
if it's just you
and your treasure,
you are alone.
20 years I've waited,
and now it's but
two more sunsets
and the curse is sealed.
Then and only then
will you see the true
devastation of my curse.
So, Lenny, what about you?
Is there a special someone
in your life?
Hah! No.
You and I are cut
from different cloths.
- You could never understand.
- Try me.
Hmm. Well, I grew up
on the open sea,
and it taught me
one consistent lesson.
Trust no-one.
- No-one?
- No-one.
Keeps you alive
and keeps you fed,
but it doesn't earn you
a lot of friends.
PHILIPPE: Friends?
I've heard of those.
But my father never
appointed any to me.
You, uh, talk in your sleep.
You know that?
I do? What do I say?
You know, I don't know,
but I'm pretty sure you were
being chased by an angry gang.
It's true. A mob chases me
through my dreams at night.
I think the dreams started
when Mama died.
I know they will end
when I find my true love.
And on other nights,
I just dream about pancakes!
PHILIPPE: Oh... how mysterious!
- Whoa!
- Charlie! What is it, girl?
This isn't right.
What is going on here?
What was that?
- Lenny!
- Hang on!
Whoa! This isn't
gaunt-lite at all!
That almost killed me!
I mean, did you see that?
I know!
The whole valley's alive!
Ok. Have you ever
used a bow before?
- Of course.
- Great. There!
I thought you said
you know how to use a bow!
No, I said I HAD used one,
which I have.
Ugh! Take the reins!
Um, yeah...
I don't really do
the driving, so...
OK, I'll drive!
- Whoa!
- Ahh!
Whoa! Nice shot!
What are you doing?
I don't know. I've never driven
one of these things before.
- Whoa! Whoa!
And this is where Charming died.
The end.
Or maybe not!
- PHILIPPE: Whooa!
- (BOOM!)
- BOTH: Ahh!
Um... amazing!
Do you know what that was?
I mean, do you know
what that was?
LENORE: Yeah, that was
a treasure chest
dropping into a forest
full of killer vines.
PHILIPPE: It was an impassable
pass! Oh, what a thrill!
Aha! Take that!
LENORE: Even more thrilling
than if your men did it for you?
I understand what you're
implying and you're right.
I have always been carried
across life's impassable passes
on the shoulders of others.
But today we faced it together
like brothers in arms!
And it was awesome!
Look at me running
that gauntlet,
pursuing my one true love!
It's destiny!
I feel so alive!
And you! You are amazing!
What do you want, a kiss?
- What did you say?
- Kidding!
I'm so male it's, like,
ridiculous, bro!
Like, what a dude I am!
- PHILIPPE: Right! Yeah! Bro.
- Bro!
You need to teach me
how to use this thing
and the bow and the cart.
Well, maybe not the cart. Um...
But everything else!
Why do you even carry a sword?
Because it looks fantastic.
Take that, scoundrel!
Scoundrel? Really?
OK, I can't take this anymore.
Look, you'll never vanquish
an enemy like that.
Not even an imaginary one.
Here, let me show you.
Your sword is not an accessory.
So like that smile of yours, be
more careful where you point it.
Like this.
Uh... how does that feel?
Nice. Very nice.
- Attack!
Whoa, whoa!
Oh, look, Prince Charming's
actually attempting
to find his way through the
gauntlet and break his curse.
(LAUGHS) How adorable.
But what's this?
A female travelling companion?
And she's somehow
immune to his charm?
Oh, no!
This will not be tolerated!
Weird. I could have sworn...
Oh, well. I guess
we'll go this way.
So, how well do you even
know these princesses?
Like, uh,
Little Miss Sleepy Head?
Ah, the girl who slept,
who is at last awake.
What I love about Sleeping
Beauty is her energy.
After a hundred-year nap,
she's rejuvenated,
vivacious, ready for life.
PAINTER: Oh, boy.
Hello? Dear?
(GASPS) Did it...
Did it happen again?
PAINTER: Just hold that pose.
What about posing
on a chaise lounge?
(YAWNS) Or maybe a bed?
PAINTER: I don't think
that's a good idea.
Or maybe I'm holding a sheep?
Two sheep? Three sheep?
- Ugh! Again?!
(SIGHS) Of course,
I could be wrong.
You know what might help us?
This gadget my inventors
showed me called a compass.
Wherever you go,
the needle points to north.
At sea, all we really needed
were the stars
to get us wherever
we were going.
Life at sea sounds like...
a thrilling adventure.
Well, it's not!
A lot of it is hard work.
And you're always
watching your back.
Not all of us are
as charmed as you.
PHILIPPE: Whoa, I can't
help it if I'm too charming.
LENORE: What? Please!
Look, the adoration of these
princesses won't last forever.
- I'll break the curse.
- How?
The missing piece of
the puzzle is out there.
- That's barely even a plan!
- Why are you such a pessimist?
Why are you such an optimist?
We're totally lost!
Yes, but with every new step,
there is hope.
- But not that step.
- What is it?
- LENORE: It's the Matilija.
- The Matili-wha?
LENORE: A forest tribe
of savage giants.
No-one has ever survived
an encounter with them.
Hold on - if no-one
has ever survived
an encounter with them,
how does anyone know
they exist?
Because... well...
You know, I've never
actually thought about that.
- Oh!
- Whoa!
LENORE: OK. We're dead.
(LAUGHS) Lenny,
my friend, do not fret.
(WHISPERS) I got this.
Well, hello there,
you delicate little flowers!
Sometimes it's a curse...
..and a blessing.
So, what time's the party?
And what can we bring?
MAN: Let's get
this party started!
If you love to eat people,
let me hear you scream!
DJ: Alright, this one's
for the ladies!
Let me hear those stomachs roar!
They're very light
on their feet.
Hey, that's... quite a hairpin.
The indestructible dagger
of the Matilija,
forged in the Fire Mountain
centuries ago
for the husband of the chief.
Let the anointing begin!
Ah! Of course.
Under normal circumstances,
you'd be rubbed
from head to toe
with the sacred oil
of our ancestors.
But since we cannot decide who
should be allowed to anoint you,
we'll all take a turn!
That's a lot of anointing.
Uh, what happened to my friend?
The ugly one
with the bad moustache?
He will not be anointed.
However, as a special
wedding gift to you,
he will also not be eaten.
Until breakfast!
Oh, that's very generous.
Where is he?
With the Half-Oracle.
The Half-Oracle?
She is only blind in one eye
and therefore only right
half the time.
You are here
on a mission of love.
Love? Well, yes, technically.
Charming's, not mine.
You seek one who has
departed this realm.
What? No!
You have sentenced your heart to
eternity in your soul's dungeon
and tossed the key.
- You enjoy knitting.
- No, I don't.
Ah. You are on the verge of
a betrayal so monumental
that love itself
hangs in the balance.
Betrayal is such a harsh
word, don't you think?
When you return home,
you will join a convent.
Um... no.
But long-dormant embers
of your own hope
threaten to ignite within you,
for you have allowed yourself
to be touched by another,
and therefore
you must now question
all previous assumptions
of self.
OK, maybe.
Maybe on some level
that I can't access
I'm hoping that I can maybe
learn to love someone.
By sharing true love's kiss.
"I'm just no-one,
"therefore I can never
experience true love's kiss."
I don't sound like that!
But you're right.
True love cannot save you.
Hmm! Unless... you let it in.
Ugh! Isn't true love...
Yes, yes... I see it now.
(SINGS) You turned him down
And, baby, you found
A little piece of you
And it's a piece left intact
A part that won't act
But it's overdue
So you could just fail
You could lower your tail
And just lay down to die
But a sliver of hope
And a dream to elope
So sees my good eye
And I
I see you are infinite
And I see you are definite
You push
that shape-shifting smile
And as your defence falls
Like your castle walls
It comes crashing down
It comes
crashing down
But I hear you
You don't want love anymore
But you're drowning
And I feel you
You shut love out evermore
Pain surrounds you
So you could just fail
You could lower your tail
Don't just lay down
to die...
Wait! I have one more question.
Is it possible that...
..well, that... Charming could
maybe possibly be my true love?
- Yes.
- You're certain?
- No.
- Ugh! Half-Oracle!
(LAUGHS) Whoo! Hot potato!
Ladies, please, please!
That tickles!
- I'm like a bar of soap!
Please let me go.
Please let me go.
- I never meant to hurt you all.
I can break the curse,
if I could just...
What?! Where am I?
What happened?
- Illy! Where's Lenny?
Then a rescue plan is up to us.
- The dagger! Good idea!
- The road has a code.
Leave no friend... (GRUNTS)
..behind. (PANTS)
- Illy!
- You look awfully shiny.
- Oh, thanks.
150 anointings
will do that to a man.
Come on.
We got to get out of here.
The chief and I
are getting married, and...
Well, we're eating you
for breakfast.
Well, that does explain why
I've been marinating all night.
It's quite nice, actually.
- Teriyaki?
- Hey!
- Oh. Uh...
You know,
you have the loveliest... eye.
See ya!
Quick! They're escaping!
And they're either going
to get away or they're not!
- Hyah!
Climb up!
No, no! Not my true love!
Stop him!
He has
the indestructible dagger.
And our breakfast.
On the bright side,
surviving an unsurvivable attack
IS on our to-do list.
Hey! The gauntlet!
You do believe.
- Huh!
PHILIPPE: Whoa! Lenny, dude.
Very heavy.
- LENORE: That's the horse!
- PHILIPPE: Found a torch!
- LENORE: That's my ankle.
PHILIPPE: OK. We got to
get some light in here.
- Ugh! Not what I meant!
No-one can have him but me!
- You are mine! Mine!
- All mine!
- There's no other way out.
CHIEF: You and me forever!
And ever and ever and ever!
- It doesn't end like this.
- Why?
'Cause your father handed down
some insane theory
about what it takes to find love
in this cruel world?
No, because I cannot die here.
Not today.
I wasted my time talking,
not doing.
- Yeah, well...
I wanted to see the Pyramids.
But I guess I'm not going to.
I've done nothing for
anyone in this world but myself.
I want to put an end
to my curse.
I want a happily ever after.
For everyone.
- I want that too.
There's something
I need to tell you.
The thing is... Well...
- I'm not really...
- PHILIPPE: There!
- Thank you.
- For what?
- Coming back for me.
- Well, we're almost there.
I still haven't chosen a bride.
Right. The princesses.
LENORE: What about
Snowy What's-Her-Name?
PHILIPPE: Oh, Snow White.
Had a bad childhood.
Yeah, an evil queen tricked her
into eating a poisoned apple.
But, you know, she never stopped
trusting people.
PAINTER: Can you turn around?
Yeah, I don't want to
turn my back to the window.
And I really shouldn't
talk to strangers.
- I'm the painter.
- Or you could be a witch.
No! No, I'm... I'm the painter.
- Did you hear that? Shh!
- Little feet.
- Um... Let's try some props.
- Will you accept this apple?
- Ah! No apples!
- No, wait!
- Oh, yeah, she's a keeper.
- Yeah.
Well, let's keep moving.
So, you bested the man-eaters,
an impressive and unexpected
turn of events.
But I wager
you'll not fare so well
when faced with
your own worst temptations.
Oh! And I'll take this one.
And I'll take this one too.
- Ooh! And I'll take this one!
- Hmm.
Ooh! And I'll take this one.
Ooh, and I'll take this one too.
- Ooh!
That is definitely mine.
Are you sure
this is a good idea?
We cannot allow false
temptations to distract us now.
It's just a colourful rock,
Lenny. Let's go!
- Whoa!
I take it back!
That's not a rock!
- Not a rock! Not a rock!
- Mine!
- Look out!
Now, that's what I call
an unconquerable beast.
Let's do this. Attack!
- Are you OK?
- Ugh!
Are you kidding?
This is exactly what I needed.
Listen. No matter what happens,
you cannot help me.
Wait! You're not gonna
try and fight that thing alone?!
To complete the gauntlet,
I must.
No! No! I'm sorry.
I can't just stand here
and watch you
get pummelled to death.
Lenny. Your oath.
(SIGHS) You have my word.
Striking deliberately!
With respect!
I did not use
the word 'scoundrel'!
Well, that played out
differently in my mind.
- Hola.
So... Not a female
unconquerable beast, then?
Hey, you!
Come here! Fight me!
Oh, come on! I'm trying
to run the gauntlet here.
Ha-ha! I got you now!
You're mine, beast!
(GRUNTS) Embarrassing.
- Huh!
- Huh...
- Whoa!
The gem, he wants it back!
I think you were looking
for this.
I did it!
- I did it!
I didn't do it!
Look at him.
- Yeah.
He's totally gonna die.
And for love!
- Lenny!
I mean... He really believes it.
Could the answer I gave up
finding so long ago
truly be as simple
as a blind leap?
And a little faith
that I'll be caught?
I know I said
"no matter what", but...
(YELLS) Help!
Maybe there's more to him
than just a prince
looking for a princess.
PHILIPPE: For the love
of anything you love, help me!
LENORE: Charming!
Yes! Ha-ha!
Oh. Well...
You complete me too.
OK. Oh. Bumping. Yeah. (LAUGHS)
He did it!
He conquered
the unconquerable beast
with a missing piece.
I-is he MY missing piece?
No. That's stupid.
But... What if? (SIGHS)
I need to know for sure.
If I deliver him
to those princesses
at Fire Mountain tomorrow,
I'll never know if he could fall
for a girl like me.
She's a bigger threat
than I imagined.
But a heart locked away
for so long can be fragile.
It doesn't take much
to break it.
- PHILIPPE: Got you a souvenir!
He just squeezes these out.
Did YOU see?
- Hey.
Where's Lenny?
What's this?
"Meet me at The Dainty Dish
at eight."
(LENORE SINGS) The curse
that's shared is halved
Thought I'd break my back
But a curse that's shared
is halved
Now, I know that's a fact
But every time
I'm slipping down there
You say something
so profound that
I feel my eyes start to water
I'm watching closely
Hoping to learn something
But nothing breaks your spirit
You're a creature
built for giving
You're a teacher
and you're teaching me
A way to feel
these feelings, oh
Nothing seems to scare you
You're so magical
So magical could be my love
You're the solution right here
- To my oldest truth
- You're here undiluted
In ocean and skies of blue
You're here, there
and everywhere
Oh, you're everywhere
You're every care
But nothing breaks your spirit
You're a creature
built for giving
You're a teacher
and you're teaching me a way
To feel these feelings, oh
Nothing seems to scare you
You're so magical
So magical could be my love
Nothing seems to scare you
You're so magical
So magical could be my love.
Pardon me. The Dainty Dish?
WOMAN: Welcome to
The Dainty Dish,
home of the world-famous
long claws.
- (BOING!)
- Wha...?!
If you wish to enter,
you must answer
my questions three.
- OK.
- How many people in your party?
Uh... Two.
Do you have a reservation?
- I think so.
- And how will you be paying?
Hmm. Don't princes eat free?
- Ow!
I'll pay cash.
You are...
Welcome to The Dainty Dish!
You're the first in your party
to arrive. (LAUGHS)
May I show you to your table?
- Uh... Please.
Curse this curse! Just blend in.
MAN: Hey, watch it!
Be cool.
- Avoid eye contact.
Choose one of the princesses,
Wonderful, wonderful.
Ah! Here we go, monsieur, and...
Our special tonight is paella.
- Hmm. Paella.
My knees felt like paella once.
Ah! I wonder whatever happened
to that bandit woman.
Hmm. Best just to
order the kebabs.
Prince Charming
could use some company.
Here goes.
PHILIPPE: And that is my tale.
Now that I've conquered...
- ..the unconquerable... (LAUGHS)
..this prince must choose
his princess.
Now, which one of the three?
I get married tomorrow.
I'm such an idiot.
What was I thinking?
He'll always want a princess.
- Not some commoner.
This is how it goes
from here, Illy.
We deliver him to the mountain.
We collect our payment.
We move on to the next job.
Trust nothing.
Especially your heart.
Hurts, doesn't it?
(LENORE SINGS) I never wanted
to turn out this way
Now forever feels like
(BACKUPS SING) Look out now
Don't take one more step
If we survive
Cracked up...
- never lasts...
Ooh! The Fire Mountain.
We're here.
Hey. What happened to you last
night? You, uh, never showed up.
- I changed my mind.
- Are you OK?
- I'm fine.
- Oh, good.
I wish you had come. That
restaurant you picked was...
It was challenging for me.
I was telling stories
of our journey.
And then I remembered the words
of this girl I met,
before I even
started the gauntlet.
- Really? And what could that be?
- To let go.
Let go of my old ways,
of my doubts, of my immaturity.
Today, I must put that aside
and trust my feelings.
- Like a compass pointing north.
Careful you don't let go
of something valuable.
Oh, is this 'cause
I finished all the pancakes?
- No!
- And the coffee?
- No.
- And the trail mix?
- No!
- Oh!
Thank goodness.
Because in just three days,
you have become
the only true friend
I have ever had.
Friend? True love?
Choosing who to marry?
You know, you throw
these terms around
like you have any idea
what they mean.
Well, I hate to break it to you,
FRIEND. You don't.
And you? You, who refuse to
trust anyone? You understand?
No, I don't,
but I never claimed to.
If you have to pick
a princess today, so be it,
but I have news for you,
Prince Charming.
If you really love someone, you
would only have eyes for her.
If you really love someone,
you would dissolve
all other engagements
before ever seeking her hand.
And if you really love someone,
you would know how cruel it is
to allow her, or anyone else, to
believe that SHE might love YOU.
I have to make a choice, Lenny.
My time's run out.
Don't let yours run out.
Don't wait too long
to see the Pyramids.
Well, well! It's about time.
he made it in one piece.
Uh, Lenny,
what is he talking about?
Your fortunes. I trust these
satisfy the terms of our deal.
Wait. What deal was that?
To get you here, all the way,
unharmed, through the gauntlet.
No-one thought you'd make it.
Not even me.
I thought you were my friend.
Tell me one true thing
about you.
It was her all along!
This is weird.
Love is blind!
Get a hold of yourself. Guards!
- PHILIPPE: That was my face.
- This feeling, it's so weird.
Don't you get it?
We passed through
an unpassable pass together.
We survived the
unsurvivable attack together!
It doesn't bend that way.
And then,
I single-handedly saved her
from an unconquerable beast!
And then, you took the leap
of blind faith for each other.
That's not true.
I leapt for you, Philippe.
I actually let myself
believe in you
and all your
true love nonsense.
That's why I invited you
to The Dainty Dish,
to tell you.
To tell me what?
That... I...
You know what?
Why don't you just ask
one of your fiances?
LENORE: My only true love
is this treasure.
I can't lose you.
Now for the matter at hand.
Ladies! Eyes front.
- Hello?!
- Prince Charming.
It is time to choose
your one true love
and liberate all others
from your spell.
Do you choose Sleeping Beauty...
..Snow White...
..or Cinderella?
I choose...
..none of you.
- What?!
- Excuse me?!
I'm sorry. I never knew
what love really felt like.
But now I do.
As wonderful as you all may be,
I have found my true love.
But she has chosen treasure
over me.
To feel this way
and then have it taken from you,
that truly IS a curse.
I cannot do this to my people,
wipe out all love itself.
So if I can't break the curse,
then the curse
must die... with me.
"My sweet, sweet Valerie.
"I write you now in my
final hour to liberate you
"so that you may seek
the love that you deserve.
"I've found my true love.
"Now be free and go forth
and find yours.
"Darling Vanessa,
"I write you now in these,
my final hours."
It's unacceptable.
- You are a crown prince.
- I have to do this, Papa.
What difference does it make
if they make me wait?
(SIGHS) This just isn't right.
And on your birthday,
of all days!
But that's exactly why I have to
do this today. (SIGHS)
I must die before the sun sets.
It is the only way to liberate
our people from my curse.
And what are these?
I need them all to know...
..that they never really
loved me.
I felt it, Papa! I felt love.
And just like that,
I lost it forever.
She must know that thanks to
her, I felt it, before I died.
I will see
that they are delivered.
(SIGHS) What a fine man
you have become.
You would have made
a great king.
SONG: I'm so far away
from home
But the line's
too tight to break
Yeah, the line's too tight
to break
Now I know where I belong
But the line's
too tight to break
And I'm still hoping,
hanging on
Here I go
Wish me luck
- I hear it...
So loud and clear...
"My sweet, sweet Valerie."
- Valerie?
"I finally see that
true, true love is really...
"..just a leap of blind faith.
"I have found my true love."
It is me, right?
You realise what this means?
- He's leaping!
Save him? From what?
(GASPS) Well, come on!
- So hard...
So hard
So hard...
So hard...
MAN: Presenting for the last
time ever, Prince Charming!
- Break the curse!
- WOMAN: Don't do it!
You stole my love's heart!
And presenting the newly single
Weeping Beauty!
More than a little cranky.
Snow White!
And one shoe short
of a husband, Cinderella!
if I say something real quick?
Hello. Quiet, please,
ladies and gentlemen.
The prince would like to speak.
Oh, thank you -
you are surprisingly pleasant
for a man
who kills people for a living.
Oh, it's just a job. My heart's
not in it really, you know.
I just happen to have
a talent for the work.
Good people.
Standing here before you
on that stage,
my heart broken,
my soul tortured,
I need you all to know
that I finally understand
the pain and suffering
I have caused so many.
I will sacrifice myself
so that you all may reunite
with your true loves.
MAN: He's doing this for us.
Lovely speech. Always
a tough crowd at these things.
- Death and all, you know.
- Oh, uh...
- We're up to this part already?
- Afraid so, yes.
So, if we could just pop our
little head into the noose here.
There's a good lad. Yes.
We've got a football match
in the courtyard
in half an hour, you see.
So, um, we'll, uh...
We'll go on three.
Are you ready?
Uh, no, uh... Not really.
Sorry. Sorry. I don't know
why I always ask that.
Uh... Right. And a-one.
A-two. Two and a quarter.
Two and a half.
Uh... What are you doing?
Oh, well, you see,
if someone wanted
to save you
in an impressive act of heroism,
this would be the moment.
Oh. Well... Guess not.
- Ha!
- Huh! Huh!
Hey! A change of heart?
A blind leap of faith.
You were right about me.
And I was wrong about you.
LENORE: Let's just say
a little bird told me.
You're my one true love.
NEMENY: Is that true love's kiss
on your lips?
Oh, no, you don't!
Good luck finding each other
before the sun sets!
- Charming!
- (THUMP!)
What is this? What's going on?
It's Nemeny Neverwish.
She wants to keep us apart.
Well, too bad for her.
Sorry, friend.
Shall we dance? Ha-ha!
Where is she?
I'm right here, darling.
NEMENY: Now...
..over here.
Stop playing around,
you silly girl.
I'm right here.
Lenore Quinonez! What a
royal pain you turned out to be.
Tell me.
What part of "doomed to never
love" do you not understand?!
That is YOUR curse, not mine.
Sorry, dearie.
You can't break something
that's already broken!
No. I'M sorry.
Because I'm done
letting anyone else tell me
who I can and cannot choose.
We'll see about that!
Goodnight, sweet prince.
(GASPS) True love's kiss!
(GASPS) Our true love's kiss.
You did it, Philippe.
You broke the curse
for everyone.
But you also saved a girl
born at sea.
- (SOBS)
- LENORE: You WERE magical.
(GASPS) What?
What is happening to me?
What is this feeling?
It's magical, isn't it?
Some kiss.
So that's what that feels like.
No fairy godmother required.
Hold on. Look at them.
LENORE: Good people.
Is there anything
you want me to say to him?
- Like what?
- Like...
Will you marry me,
Prince Philippe Charming?
And you're giving it all away?
That's your life's fortune.
No, it's not.
SONG: All I want to be, all
I ever want to be, yeah, yeah
Is somebody to you...
You'll get some charm
and you'll get some charm.
Huh! Party gifts. A dollop
of charm for everyone!
Whoo! Get your dollop now.
But every time I look at you
I just don't care
'Cause all I want to be
All I ever want to be,
yeah, yeah...
LENORE: All the fairytales
call this a happy ending.
But I like to think of it
as a happy beginning.
Because our life together
is just getting started.
So, that's our story.
I may have a new life,
but I'll always live it my way.
Look, if you told me a year ago
this is where I'd be,
I would have said you were
crazy, and stolen your wallet.
Now she just steals the covers,
and my hairbrush.
Oh, and by the way,
the last pancake. Not cool.
- Not cool.
- Hey! I'm eating for two.
- The Half-Oracle was right.
I do enjoy knitting.
Oh! At least half right.
All I want to be, all I ever
want to be, yeah, yeah
- Is somebody to you
- Is somebody to you
Yes, all I want to be, all
I ever want to be, yeah, yeah
- Is somebody to you
- Yeah, you
Yeah, you!
SONG: They say
true love is hard to find
I know
That we can't be denied
When I sing
That we've fallen in so deep
Nothing can ever
stop our destiny
Like a thief in the night,
I stole your heart
Under a spell,
we can't be apart
Something about you
keeps me drawn to you
Oh, yeah
Stars align, our hopes combine
Shining bright
in the night sky
We'll be forever here
like the sun and moon
We're so charming
Got my heart started
They always say
that love is blind
Yet I see love in your eyes
So charming
- Nothing can stop it
- Stop it
We can leave our past behind
This could be
our moment in time
- We're so charming, charming
- So charming
Charming in love
We're so charming, charming,
charming in love
We can run away
They say
We ain't meant to be
'Cause I need you
just like breathing
Don't take that from me
'Cause we can
Now change our destiny
Like a thief in the night
I stole
your heart
a spell
We can't
be apart
about you
Keeps me
To you
Our hopes combine,
shining bright in the night sky
We'll be forever here
like the sun and moon
- We're so charming
- So charming
- Got my heart started
- Got it started
They always say
that love is blind
Yet I see love in your eyes
- So charming
- So charming
- Nothing can stop it
- Can stop it
We can leave our past behind
This could be
our moment in time
- We're so charming, charming
- So charming
Charming in love
We're so charming, charming
Charming in love
Nothing's coming
in between us
No, no
Oh, nothing get in our way
Found a reason to believe that
I believe in here to stay
So let everybody see us
Gonna let the whole world know
Don't let me go
We're in control
Won't let you go
We're so charming
Got my heart started
They always say
that love is blind
Yet I see love in your eyes
So charming
Nothing can stop it
- Charming
- We can leave our past behind
This could be
our moment in time
We're so charming, charming,
charming in love
They say
True love is hard to find
I know
That we can't be denied.
They call me
a damsel in distress
'Cause I want my prize
The one with the kingdom
and the big brown eyes
The one with the voice
that can boom like music
And, oh, my, oh, my,
does he know how to use it
- Whoa
- I'm not playing with ya
He looks into your eyes,
knows what to say to ya
Oh, oh, oh
He's so beautiful
That's the consensus
I've got the crown jewels
I will be his princess
I like him for his smile
I like him for his hair
I like him for his style
I like him
'cause he's so debonair
He's my trophy boy,
my trophy boy, my trophy boy
I want him for myself
I want to lock him down
I want that ring on my finger
like I want that crown
He's my trophy boy,
my trophy boy, my trophy boy
He's so vicious,
so totally runway
I know I wasn't listening,
but he's totally funny
I don't even care
if he ever makes a sound
Just as long as
when you see me
He's around
and he's bound to me
He's like my glass slipper
He fits me so good
and he's such a good tipper
Oh, oh, oh
And you could sing along
if you like
But you only know one man
who looks tough in tights
I like him for his smile
I like him for his hair
I like him for his style
I like him
'cause he's so debonair
He's my trophy boy,
my trophy boy, my trophy boy
I want him for myself
I want to lock him down
I want that ring on my finger
like I want that crown
He's my trophy boy,
my trophy boy, my trophy boy
And it's not
just about his looks
He's also got a sensitive side
He has the soul of a poet
if you give it the time
And he's a perfect gentleman,
class and etiquette
Oh, who am I kidding?
He's just got such excellent abs
You can't compete
with those fellas
Such class
I'll make
the whole kingdom jealous
Oh, man
I just forget my manners
I'm Cinderella
And I need a wedding planner
I like him for his smile
I like him for his hair
I like him for his style
I like him
'cause he's so debonair
He's my trophy boy,
my trophy boy, my trophy boy
I want him for myself
I want to lock him down
I want that ring on my finger
like I want that crown
He's my trophy boy,
my trophy boy, my trophy boy
Oh, oh, oh, my gosh
Oh, my fairy godmother
Won't you call this boy's mama
And tell her
that I love her, hey
I like him for his smile
I like him for his hair
I like him for his style
I like him
'cause he's so debonair
He's my trophy boy,
my trophy boy, my trophy boy
I want him for myself
I want to lock him down
I want that ring on my finger
like I want that crown
He's my trophy boy,
my trophy boy, my trophy boy
I need a trophy boy