Chosen Family (2024) Movie Script

1
[upbeat music]
[upbeat music continues]
[upbeat music continues]
[upbeat music continues]
[upbeat music continues]
[Anne VO] Sometimes I wonder
if I have a pattern
with the choices that
I've made in my life.
[shouting and cheering]
Evan was an obvious douche.
I should've paid
attention to the signs.
Dave had crazy eyes.
I never should've gone
on the second date.
I mean, look at him!
And Colin did a lot of
drugs, just like my sister.
Why am I choosing these people?
There were a few nice ones,
but I broke up with them.
[cellphone ringing]
Why am I doing this?
All your fault.
Mom and Dad.
[Anne screams]
[calm music]
Everything's going
great. My life is great.
-My life is great.
-[car starts]
My life is great.
[upbeat music]
[upbeat music continues]
[upbeat music continues]
[indistinct
woman on P.A.]
Hi. I'm here for
Clio Fitzgerald.
Clio Fitzgerald for discharge.
Sign these papers saying that
we released her to your care.
Well, it's not my care.
It's my parents' care.
She's staying in their garage.
You need to take
responsibility for her.
You gonna take her home?
OK.
[brooding rock music]
[brooding rock music continues]
[PA] Dr. Bender to
the mental ward, please.
Mountain View
Rehabilitation Center.
[bright music]
[bright music continues]
[sighs] So you are
off drugs now, right?
Yeah.
I started a workout revolution
in that hellhole. Yes, I did.
Everything's gonna be OK.
[Clio] Right, I
just feel really--
-[Dorothy] You're so good.
-[Clio] Thank you.
It's like I have...
I have, like, a newfound
purpose or something.
I feel like all you need
is a catchy name, you know?
[Alfred laughing]
-[Dorothy] We're with you.
-You got something.
Hey, Clio came up
with a great new idea.
Punchilates. It's a cross
between Pilates and kickboxing.
Ooh, I love this idea.
So you're gonna do a
workout class, like mine?
My workout class is nothing
like yours. It's better.
It's not for dumb yoga idiots.
It's for badass people
that want to destroy shit.
So it's a workout class.
It's Pilates that
kicks your ass.
It's a great idea, honey,
and I'm proud of you.
-See?
-Are you proud of me?
-I have a real class.
-Proud? No, no, no.
Not if you're still
living in sin with Dave.
-OK, Al-
-We broke up.
So why not marry that nice
guy from my church group, huh?
He's a virgin.
That's weird you know that.
Oh, that dismissive tone's the
voice of Satan in your life.
I don't want to hear
about hell again, ever.
Your choices reflect on me.
Don't you want me
to go to heaven?
OK, well, I'll keep you
posted on my activities,
and how they affect
your chances of heaven.
God!
Heal this family!
And should we sin
against thee, Lord,
let us be cast in fire and
tormented for all eternity,
cursed as we go in, and
cursed as we come out.
You be nice to your sister.
Family is only as happy
as its least happy member.
Anne, I need to show you
something in my craft room.
You alright, honey?
Why did she buy this stuff?
[Dorothy] It's like I
always told you.
Don't get married, and
don't have children.
I could've been
a famous singer,
but then I married
your father. [scoffs]
I had to take care of you two,
and I had to give
up on my dream.
Don't do what I did.
Look what happened to me.
Are you saying you wish
you didn't have me?
No.
I mean, I had to get vaginal
reconstructive surgery
after you were born, but
no, I love you both so much.
So much.
Honestly, I love you a
little more than your sister.
When is she going
to get it together?
-I gotta go.
-Always remember,
your career is
all that matters.
OK.
I always thought
you'd be a star,
but you're yoga teacher,
and that's almost as good.
One of us needs to
be really important.
I've got to put this
family on the map.
Now, look, look.
I've made an album, and I'm
going to drop it online.
Have you heard about
this? Dropping music?
It's what everybody
does these days.
You know, no run-up,
just midnight release,
and boom, you're Lady Gaga.
It's time I do
something with my life.
-You have done something.
-Listen to my tracks
and tell me if I'm any good.
And if you think I'm
any good, I'll drop it.
And if you don't think it's
good, I- I won't drop it.
Why ask me? I'm not
in the music business.
You listen to music, and
I trust your opinion.
Please get back to me
as soon as possible.
My dreams await your answer.
[birds twittering]
[upbeat music]
[line ringing]
-Hey.
-[Max] Hey. How'd it go?
Can I come over?
Oh no. That bad, huh?
[upbeat music continues]
OK, so I need the opinions
of my very best taste testers.
Does it go on the
opening night menu?
[Everyone] Yes!
Please teach her how to cook.
I could.
Can you believe,
six months ago,
this place was called
"Cap'n Ahab's Crab Shack"?
That's a mouthful.
And now I think, honestly,
we are, like, a year from
getting a Bib Gourmand,
which is the rating
just under one star
in the Michelin guide.
I just want to say
congratulations
on opening your
first restaurant.
I am so proud of you guys.
[glasses clinking]
You're gonna make an ass-load.
Yes, please.
We absolutely have
to, 'cause right now,
we are in staggering debt.
-Yes, you are.
-[Max laughing]
No more doom and gloom, Max.
-Think positive.
-Yeah, no more Mr. Worryface.
-No more Mr. Worries?
-No more Mr. Worries.
[Frances] No more
Mr. Worryface.
[Max] Oh, alright.
[Max] Yes, you can call me
Mr. Worryface.
Well, I am so proud of you.
This is such a big
dream of yours. Yeah.
Smooch, smooch, smooch!
Smoochie! I love Auntie Anne.
What about Auntie Roz?
-Where's the love there?
-She loves me more.
Well, I can't imagine that
could be true, my lady.
How do you stand on that?
You're both good.
-OK.
-She's a diplomat.
See? Have a kid. It's great.
Well, I don't have a boyfriend,
and I deleted Dave
from my contacts.
Did you put your
app profile up?
-No.
-Well, I got your passwords.
I'm going home and
I'm doing it for you.
You have terrible
taste in boyfriends.
And S-H-I-T passwords.
I can spell.
You helped me
through my divorce,
and I'm gonna help you here.
This is a bad
boyfriend intervention.
You need to stop dating losers.
-It's not an intervention.
-Yes, it is.
No, we have nothing
to do with this.
[Frances] You are on
your own, Roz.
You're gonna just let me
sit here?
-Absolutely.
-OK.
I do want to break my pattern.
OK, so you do admit
that you have a pattern.
What do you think, Max?
What about the guy who
had all the panic attacks?
Well, um...
Or the workaholic with
erectile dysfunction?
Or the drug addict that
actually overdosed?
Or the guy who had all the
temper tantrums in public?
Or the one who ended up
in a mental institution
because he walked into
a bar waving a toy gun?
Or the guy who refused to
admit that he wore a toupee,
even though it fell
off in front of you?
-Hey, what about Sean?
-I liked Sean!
-Sean was great.
-Sean was great,
but then she broke up with
him for no reason, remember?
Maybe this is an intervention.
-Thank you.
-OK, but not a planned one.
[Roz] I don't care.
Impromptu intervention.
-It's still important.
-Right.
No more basket cases for me.
-Yay!
-Great.
Oh my god. Yes, please.
[upbeat music]
[everyone chattering]
[Steve] Hey, guys.
-Hi!
-Hey, buddy.
-How are you?
-Steve.
It's just a vibe
check with the doors.
Roz, Anne, this is my
contractor, Steve.
-Hi.
-Hi. It's nice to meet you.
This is my daughter, Lily.
-Hi.
-Hi, Lily. I'm Emma.
Nice to meet you.
[Steve] You can say hi.
-Hi.
-Steve,
you are very attractive,
almost alarming so.
Uh, thank you.
Well, that is what everyone
looks for in a contractor.
I mean, it's on the list.
-Cuteness.
-Yep. Yep.
I'm gonna check the doors out.
-Oh, thank you.
-Now that it's weird.
-Nice to meet you.
-You made it weird.
[Roz] I know, I made it
weird, yeah. Nice to meet you.
Hi.
Alright, he's very cute. Is
he single? 'Cause I like this.
-He's getting divorced.
-Perfect. But is he nice?
Because if he's nice,
she'll break up with him,
like poor Sean, so then
maybe not a great idea.
He's very nice.
And he's also not finished yet.
OK. Well, then no, Steve's out.
[upbeat music]
Alright, I'm shaving a
couple years off you.
-Thank you.
-I'm putting in your profile
that you're looking for a guy
with no emotional disorders.
Don't write that!
That sounds desperate.
It does not sound desperate.
How do you know they're
not gonna murder you?
Oh, you don't. That's
part of the fun.
I think it's better to
get set up by a friend.
Alright.
[line ringing]
Max, set up Anne, with
that hot guy Steve.
[Max] Oh, come on!
-No, just do it.
- Look,
he's the only affordable
contractor I could find.
And you know how she
goes through guys.
-What?
-Sorry, uh,
I should've have
told you that you are
on speakerphone with Anne.
-[Max] Oh!
-[Anne] Hi!
I mean, you know,
Anne's great, you're great.
Yeah, I'll call him.
Thank you!
[laid-back music]
[cellphone chimes]
I'm waiting for you to do it
Go on and make a move,
go on and make a move
I'm begging, ah
Come take my clothes
off, just get to it
Go on and make a move
[people chattering]
They just raised my rent.
I need you to get
more students.
Write a blog, and call it "How
to Be Happy," or some shit.
I don't know how
to write a blog.
Write down the crap
you say in class,
and try to find a
way to be relevant.
Like Kim Kardashian.
Post some pictures of yourself
in a bikini, or some shit.
OK.
Don't fuck up my peace.
Namaste. [chuckles]
Alright, let's meet in Tadasana.
[laid-back music]
No, it feels like [indistinct].
But hey, how is
this, right? Yeah.
-Oh! Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
-It's fine.
OK, no, no. No,
that is not fine.
I want you to sit down here.
I gotta take care of that.
I got a first aid kit.
-You must be prepared, right?
-Well...
OK, come on, sit.
Give it to me.
But see, here's- here's
the real question.
Do you want to be [sighs]
Snow White or Cinderella?
Snow White, definitely.
[chuckles] Come
on, get it up here.
Give it to me. Don't be shy.
We gotta get to know each other.
OK.
OK. This might sting.
-Ooh, ah, did that hurt?
-[Anne winces]
-You OK? OK, alright
-It's OK. No, it's great.
Yeah, you did it.
You...
are...
all better.
[bright music]
I'd kiss it, but that'd
be awkward, right?
Um, this is my favorite beach.
[bright music continues]
-[zipper zipping]
-[items clattering]
That is what's in your bag?
I figured when a
guy says a picnic,
he means two
sandwiches and Snapple.
Oh, no, no, no. This here,
this is Steve's world-famous
homemade fried chicken.
And, oh, I didn't know if
you preferred
still or sparkling water,
so I brought both.
Is this a bit overboard? Did
I just totally go nuts here?
I think it's impressive.
[sighs] You know, when
my ex and I split up,
I, uh, had to learn how to cook,
'cause my daughter would
look at me, and be like,
"Dad, what are we eating?"
And I'd be like, "I don't know!"
[Anne laughs]
I'm just really used
to carrying stuff.
I'm like my...
I'm like my daughter's mule.
Um...
So Max told me that
you are a yoga teacher,
so I had to do what we do,
and I googled that shit.
[Anne laughs]
And you know, I gotta
be honest, though.
I think...
I think you're the most
beautiful yoga teacher
in all of Rhode Island.
[Anne chuckles]
Max told me that, um, that
you're going through a divorce?
Yes, which is not as cool
as being a yoga teacher.
We've been separated,
uh, well over a year.
And she has just been
raking me over the coals.
So really, I just want
my daughter to be OK.
OK, full- full disclosure.
I have not been on a
proper date in, like,
well over a decade.
So are you OK with that?
'Cause I'm not sure
I'm doing this right.
You're already better than all
my past boyfriends combined.
Aww. Anyways, uh,
cheers.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Eat, eat, eat, eat. Go.
The world-famous...
[Anne] Mmm!
[bright music]
Here she is!
-Emma!
-Hi.
Anne, thanks for picking her up.
Anytime.
I have something to say.
Winnie at school told
me my shirt was dumb.
Winnie sounds dumb.
But you know you can
feel good about yourself
no matter what
people say, right?
-Yeah.
-One thing for sure,
we all know...
Winnie needs to die.
OK, calm down. Some people
just have bad taste.
I just think Winnie's
a narcissist,
or has problems at home.
Wow. That is really
mature, little lady.
-Thank you.
-Almost freakishly mature.
What do you think
about the tablecloths?
-They're so pretty!
-Lemme give her a hand.
And look what Steve fixed.
Wow!
-Wow!
-Let's go!
[Frances] Yeah, Steve
did an amazing job.
Speaking of...
How'd that go?
-We went on a date.
-[Roz] And?
It was great.
[Roz] So there's
nothing weird about him?
-He made me a picnic.
-Oh, he cooks.
I think I can help him get
over the pain of the divorce
and find joy again.
Well, that sounds easy.
I just want to make
sure he doesn't have
a personality disorder
lurking in there.
-[Roz] Some of this.
-He's almost,
almost suspiciously handsome.
[sultry music]
[sultry music continues]
Woo! Can you throw me that?
Ah.
You sure you don't
want to join me?
Tell me what's good
about you and what's bad.
OK, here we go.
What's good?
Oh, easy. I give the
best foot massages.
The best? That's a big claim.
Well, so I've been told.
-OK.
-Oh, OK.
-[Steve chuckles]
-[sultry music]
Is this how you seduce women?
Is it working?
-[sultry music continues]
-[moaning in pleasure]
-[cellphone ringing]
-Oh.
-Pause for second.
-Sure. Yep.
Hey.
Uh-huh.
OK.
Uh-huh.
-What's up?
-I have to go. I'm sorry.
Why? What happened?
I have to find
my stupid sister.
Oh, um...
Can I help?
You don't want to meet
my family this soon.
You definitely wouldn't
want to date me then.
How about I drive?
Come on. [grunts] Let's go.
Let's find your sister.
[Anne] Wait, wait, I think
I see her. Pull over.
[Clio laughs]
[Anne] Clio!
Oh.
Clio!
Come back!
Oh, fuck you. You
don't care about me.
Nobody cares about me.
When you wander around
dangerous places,
it's hard to find you.
Fuck off. Go back to
your easy life, OK?
Some people have to
struggle, you know?
-[Anne] Get in the car.
-[Clio] No!
Hi, I'm Steve,
by the way.
You're welcome to come with us.
-Who's this asshole?
-[siren in distance]
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I
ruin your perfect day?
Your perfect day with
your perfect boyfriend?
[Anne] I have problems
too, you know.
Whatever your problems are
nothing compared to mine.
-Thanks.
-Like one billion
minus a trillion.
Great. I guess you win?
[Junkie] Come on,
babe. Let's go.
I think she's
gonna come with us.
[scoffs] This guy.
Back off.
You're a fucking loser.
OK.
Sorry.
Love you.
He's my sponsor, dumbass.
-Really?
-[siren in distance]
Hey, Clio.
What?
Uh, we're worried
about you, baby.
[Clio] Uh-huh.
How did this happen?
Well, I can't follow her
around day and night.
Follow me on Instagram, bitch.
You are your sister's keeper.
-She's almost 40.
-40 is the new 30.
We're taking you
back to rehab.
-No fucking way.
-We care about you.
We don't want you to die.
-Daddy!
-[Alfred] You're my baby.
I love you. Don't die.
I don't want to die.
-I don't want to die.
-Don't die.
-Please don't let me die.
-I won't let you. I love you.
-You're my baby. Don't die.
-I don't want to die.
-Don't let me die.
-You're not going to die.
-What a fun day.
-Come on. Come on.
Nothing is more
important than family.
Did you listen to my tracks?
Not yet.
-Honey!
-I will.
-[Dorothy sighs]
-Hi, I'm Steve.
It is so lovely to
meet Anne's family.
Oh, nice to meet you, Steve.
I hope I get to see
you again sometime.
Oh, well, I hope that I get
to hear your tracks sometime.
Oh! [laughs] Oh!
-Oh.
-Gotta go.
-Bye.
-Yeah, bye.
OK. Oh, we're out.
You OK?
My family's fucked up.
Everybody's family
is fucked up.
You still want to hang out
with me after all that?
Um...
Hmm.
[sultry music]
[sultry music continues]
Should I do this?
I'm doing this.
If I like there's gotta be
something wrong with him.
I mean...
I should not do it,
and I should get to know him
for, like, six months first.
[whispering]
Definitely, definitely,
not having sex with him.
-[record scratches]
-No sex.
No sex for me.
-[upbeat music]
-[Anne moaning]
[objects clattering]
-[Anne sighs]
-[cellphone chimes]
Anne, where's the fucking blog?
We need to make this money.
[alert dings]
Wake up you, sleepyhead
Get up, get outta bed
Cheer up, cheer
up, the sun is red
Live, love, laugh,
and be happy
When the red, red robin
comes bop-bob-bobbing along
-[Anne groans]
-[upbeat music]
[upbeat music continues]
OK.
Hi.
I'm Anne Fitzgerald.
Doing yoga can make
you feel so good.
It can relieve
stress and tension.
Come to my class.
Ugh. Because I'm relevant.
Except, I'm not. I'm a mess.
And I hate myself every
time I see my family.
Family sucks. Is it OK
to say your family sucks?
I feel like we're
only allowed to talk
about how much we
love our families.
But how did I end up
with these crazy people?
Sometimes I hate my sister.
I'm wearing a bikini
for no reason, actually,
'cause I'm trying to
be like Kim Kardashian.
Soon I'll be getting
butt implants,
but I want you to know
I'm very spiritual.
Do yoga and try not to have
a nervous breakdown, like me.
[knocking at door]
-[Roz] Hey!
-Terrible!
Hot? What, you swimming?
What's happening?
-[message send sound]
-Oh, it's, uh, um, I don't know.
It's too embarrassing
to tell you.
-[Roz] I have frozen yogurt.
-[Anne] What's up!
Dun dunna nah
Tell me you got chocolate
peanut butter with Sno-Caps.
Yes. OK, this isn't a
chat. What is going on?
I'm so into him.
-OK.
-OK.
But I just want you to
tell me what you think,
'cause you have a better
asshole radar than me.
I do, thank you,
and I will, alright?
Just don't give
him a hard time.
Oh no. I'm going to
grill that fucker.
-[Anne laughing]
-Oh!
[Anne] Oh yeah. It's for
you and everyone, for sure.
Alright, here we go.
-So, Steve.
-Yes?
When did you become
a contractor?
Ah, let's see, I was
licensed and bonded
maybe twelve, ten,
twelve years ago?
Yeah, I think
something like that.
And before that I was
trying to be a comedian.
Yeah. Then practical
set in, so.
-Practical's good.
-Yes.
I mean, I can still ham it
up a little bit, because
[imitates Monty Python
character] I am from the
Ministry of the Silly Walks.
[Frances] Ah! Monty Python!
[Steve] Yes!
-[Frances vocalizing]
-[everyone laughing]
-There she goes.
-Thank you for doing that.
I would've felt
like a total fool.
[Roz] Your leg is insane!
Alright, Max, if we're all
doing tricks, do your juggles.
-Come on, Max.
-No, nobody juggles.
-Who juggles?
-Come on, Max.
Oh, you know, there's
nothing I hate more
than when I sit by the
fruit, for sure, and I don't--
[Roz] He's been doing
this since college.
[Max] I hate doing it.
Why even ask me? That's how
I kept girls away in college.
Except her, right? You
fell for the juggling.
-[everyone laughing]
-Exactly.
So Frances, she's like
a walking encyclopedia.
You can ask her any question.
OK. What would you call her?
Sexlexa.
[laughs] Thank you.
Frances Google.
Oh, and she speaks, like,
a million languages.
Japanese. Go!
[Frances speaking in Japanese]
Tamil. Go!
[Frances speaking in Tamil]
Mandarin. Go!
[Frances speaking in Mandarin]
Dsh! Like, dsh, dsh!
[Max] OK. That's
very impressive.
Well, Steve is impressive.
He's a loving, sweet dad.
Apparently you make pretty
great-looking fried chicken.
A little nervous coming from
the master chef like you.
Right, right, right?
The way to this man's heart
is through his tum-tum.
OK. Yes.
Also, never say tum-tum
again. That was so upsetting.
Yeah, I think that's how I
won over this little lady,
was my, uh, fried chicken.
What are your intentions
with this little lady?
-Mm.
-Uh...
And, uh, when are you
going to introduce
this little lady to
your little lady?
-Oh.
-Roz!
Touch. Good point.
-She's scary.
-[Anne laughing]
Uh, Good question. No, it's
a good, great question.
You know, I was, I'm just
looking for the right time.
Yeah, no, that makes sense.
You know when the
right time is?
-[Steve] When?
-[Max] Roz.
Right now.
-OK, I see.
-[Frances] Calm down, Roz.
[Frances] No. There's a kid
involved, and they just met.
This is the opportunity
of a lifetime for Steve,
because Anne is that great.
OK, do you know
how great she is?
You're right, because
she is that great.
[Frances] Aw.
And...
OK, yeah.
How is
Thursday, after dance practice?
-Ice cream?
-[sultry music]
I would love to.
It's a date. It's a date.
I mean, if you
guys want to do it.
[Max clears throat]
[sultry music continues]
Put it on my good, baby
Make my body cream
Giving me that good-good
Like to make me scream
Bust it open, Daddy,
everything I need
I can't hold back
Do it right now
[people chattering]
[Anne] Is there an
event going on today?
Anne, what's with the crazy
video you posted yesterday?
Huh?
I'm wearing a bikini
for no reason.
Holy shit!
I thought it was
a massive fuckup
till I saw how
many hits you got.
Some teenybopper
influencer reposted you,
'cause they hate their
parents too, blah, blah, blah,
and now there's 20,403
people writing in to say
how their parents give them
massive anxiety. [chuckles]
I guess there's a lotta
crazy people out there
who can relate to you.
Really?
Your class sold out today,
and there's a waiting list.
I really hope my
family didn't see that.
[clears throat] Post
some more crazy shit.
The bikini was a good idea.
Ass implants could
be a good thing too.
[gentle music]
[Anne] She's so sassy.
[Steve] She's a ham.
She really is.
It's like, look at that pose.
She's got the whole...
Am I boring you with these?
-No! I think she's amazing.
-OK, alright.
-She is amazing.
-Yeah.
Where's this one?
Oh, here it is.
-This is--
-Look at her face!
I know. That's right where
she lost her first tooth.
[Anne] Gosh.
She's just gonna love you.
I hope so.
She is.
I would never say this to her,
but her mom is such
a narcissistic bitch.
It's...
exhausting.
I just want her to be around
good people, you know?
Good people like you.
You think I'm a good person?
Hmm...
[both laughing]
I know you're a good person.
-[Steve snarls]
-[Anne yells then giggles]
[Anne] Do you think our parents
are normal or crazy?
[Clio] Completely crazy.
Was dad a jerk to
when we were kids,
and Mom basically
did nothing?
I try to completely block
out all childhood memories.
How can you live with them?
I don't know.
-Fuck authority!
-[upbeat music]
That's right. Oh, I feel.
[Clio vocalizing]
Yeah!
Whoo!
Whoo!
Kicks. Get it out.
Get the rage out.
And ah! Punch, punch,
punch, punch, punch, punch!
50 punches. Let's go!
How is Clio? She
doesn't talk to me.
She needs your help.
You can take care of
yourself. She can't.
Great job, hun.
Great class.
[Dorothy] It's a hard workout.
-You afraid to spar with me?
-Yes, definitely.
[Dorothy] It's a hard workout.
I gotta go. I'm meeting
Steve's kid today.
Steve? Oh, lemme guess.
Your latest partner in sin?
I guess.
[Clio screaming]
I won't sit at the
same table with him
unless you're married.
You have to choose, me or him.
Great. I choose him.
Look, I spoke with
Father Peter. Call him.
Confess before Satan claims
your immortal soul.
No.
Leave a voicemail.
The risen Christ is
only a phone call away.
OK, I gotta go.
Are you angry? Are you angry?
Are you angry?
I saw the video you posted.
I'm sorry.
How could you say
that about us?
-Has he seen it?
-No.
Listen, I need a
performance space
so I can do my concert
to launch my album.
I need to get followers
on Facebook,
Twitter, and Instagram.
You know, get with
the times, honey.
I need your help. It's
the least you can do.
No talking in the
back! That's you!
[whispering] This can't
be all there is for me.
No talking in the
back! Thank you!
-[upbeat music continues]
-Say anything that I want
Ooh, I'm gonna get what I
want. That's what I want
Oh yeah, I move how I want
I can choose what I want
I need to do what I want
-That's what I want
-[music trails off]
[door opens]
[door closes]
-Hi. Hi.
-Hi.
-Mm.
-Mm.
I missed you.
-[Steve laughs]
-I missed you.
-Your house is so nice.
-Oh!
Thank you. Yes, welcome.
This is my mid-century
modern money pit. [chuckles]
Impressive. [laughs]
Oh, I, OK.
I got you a little something.
-Thank you.
-Yeah.
Just, you know, read
it when you can.
I mean, how hard could
it be to get along
with an adorable 7-year-old?
[chuckles] Yeah. Uh, no it
is. It will, it will be great.
Um, but listen, just...
I just don't want to
upset her about anything.
So if, uh, if she's
getting upset,
we just watch her reactions,
and we stop doing the
thing that's upsetting her.
Let's just relax and have fun.
Ah, OK. You know, uh, "Sleeping
Beauty," she loves that.
Maybe you could talk to her
about "Sleeping Beauty."
Well, it's been a long
time since I read that.
Oh, OK.
Well, maybe you
could read it again.
Oh, again, here she is,
so it's gonna be great.
Alright, I'm gonna
get her and, uh...
OK, whoa, hey,
OK. I'm so smooth.
Thank you, Chris. Appreciate it.
-Bye, Scarlet!
-Bye!
Hi, sweetie. How was your day?
[Lily] Good. I did a plie.
Did you really? Can I see one.
-[Steve and Anne laughing]
-Hi, Lily.
I've heard a lot about you,
and I heard you're great.
No, Daddy.
What?
-Lily.
-No!
[Steve stumbling]
Do you want to go
get an ice cream?
[Steve] Oh, yeah, ice cream.
Daddy, let's hang out,
just the two of us.
Um...
I think
we're gonna...
-[Lily sobbing]
-No, no, no.
No, sweetie, listen.
Come here, come on now.
It's OK, it's OK,
it's OK, it's OK.
Shh. Come on. Shh.
It's alright sweetie, OK?
We'll do whatever
you want, alright?
I thought we were
gonna get an ice cream.
-No.
-Um...
Can you just say that,
"It's nice to meet you, Anne,
and we'll get together
another time"?
Lily, can you say, "It's
nice to meet you, Anne"?
[whimsical music]
Bye, Anne.
Um...
I'm really sorry. Can I,
can I just call you later?
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Good, yeah.
OK. I'm sorry.
Oh, wait. Uh, I got
you a present, Lily.
Do you like presents?
Look, look, look.
Oh, who doesn't like
a present, huh? Huh?
I love dolls!
Good.
My mommy's a party planner.
She likes dolls too.
She sounds cool.
[Steve] What do you
say? What do you say?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Did you know I have
a point system?
What's a point system?
I'm giving you 10 points.
Aw, thank you for the
points. Gimme five!
[Steve] OK. Yes!
You want to go get ice cream?
-Yeah!
-Yes! OK!
[Steve chuckles]
No matter what happened in
your past, you can be happy.
Heal yourself and heal
the people around you
with your loving energy.
Give yourself a little love pat.
Good job, good job. I
love you, I love you!
Great class, everyone.
[Sarah] When are you
gonna do more crazy videos
and gain more followers?
Um...
Would it be
possible for my mom
to have a small concert here?
No fucking way.
This space is only for yoga,
and we need to keep the
energy fucking pure.
I had a monk bless it.
OK.
Wait.
Now that your classes
are selling out,
I made a call to the Good
Living Festival about you.
Really?
I talked them into
giving you a spot.
Oh!
I'm gonna try to
bring my friend.
If you do well, he can
get you an endorsement,
which means big shmoney.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you!
Namaste.
[Anne] Thank you!
[Sarah] Don't fuck it up!
-[Anne] Hey.
-[Steve] Hi!
Hey. Thanks for coming over.
Heck, yeah. Thanks
for having us.
Can get you guys
something to drink?
Oh, maybe water or something.
You said you had,
what, big news?
Oh. I got asked to teach at
the Good Living Festival.
What? Congratulations.
I'm not cool enough to
know what that means.
It's the biggest
yoga, health, music
festival in the area.
And if I do well, I
could get a sponsorship.
Oh my goodness, that's amazing!
Congratulations! [laughs]
[Steve] You must
be so thrilled.
Lily, I'm so happy
you're here.
Uh, what do you
want to do?
Daddy, can we play my favorite
song and do the dance?
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Anne does not want to
see the dance.
Anne does want
to see the dance.
Daddy, please!
This is Anne's house.
I just don't think
that's a good idea.
[upbeat pasa doble music
playing from phone]
-Ooh!
-You are a little rascal.
You had that cued.
-Oh!
-[swishing sound]
-[pasa doble music continues]
-[Anne] Oh my god!
[pasa doble transitions
to hip-hop music]
Look what has dripped
and I'm serving
Moving and swerving like
I'm in cursive, assertive
[Anne] What?
Yeah, that makes
me super bad
Carpool, soccer
practice, huh, I got that
Earned a degree
in dad-o-matics
If something is wrong,
your dad can fix
[Anne] Oh!
Oh!
Oh my god!
Doot, doot, doot!
Alright, you got
it, you got it.
-May I have this dance?
-Yeah.
[dramatic hip-hop
music continues]
[pasa doble hip-hop
music continues]
[Anne] So then the Princess Lily
saved the Magical Kingdom
with her amazing superpowers,
and she flew off into the sky,
riding on the wings of her
pet bird named Esmeralda.
[gentle music]
I should get her home.
OK.
I love her.
She loves you.
I always wanted a kid,
but I figured it wasn't
in the cards for me.
It was a big deal to
introduce her to you.
Lemme get her off you.
Here, sweetie. Put your
arms around me, OK?
Yeah, there we go.
Oh.
Hey.
You would make a great mom.
We had a really good time.
[gentle music]
[water lapping]
[car door opens and shuts]
[engine starting]
[engine revving]
[laid-back R&B music]
There they are.
Congratulations!
[Frances] Burrata?
Dammit. Why is this so good?
It literally makes
my body tingle.
Hey, did you guys know
that 90% of restaurants
close within the first year?
-So, this could be the end.
-This could be the end.
[Max laughs]
Your eyes are so big right now.
Yeah, yeah, I haven't slept.
We're gonna do the dinner
service, so just find seats, OK?
Alright. Cheer up,
Dr. Worry Face.
-I'm a doctor now?
-Yeah.
-That's how worried you are.
-[Max] Find seats!
We're finding seats!
My mom is pressuring me to
get a space for her concert.
Don't you think it's
better for everyone
if she just doesn't
have a concert?
Alright, what's going on
with Steve, by the by?
He loves his kid so much.
I wish my dad
loved me like that.
So you wish Hot
Daddy was your daddy?
You want Hot Daddy
to be your daddy?
No!
[laid-back music continues]
You want Hot Daddy
to be your daddy.
Your time will come,
your time will come
Just you wait on the Lord
You know, I didn't mean
to post the last video,
but it felt good to be honest.
I really, um, I'm not that
honest in my life a lot.
I really try so hard to make
everyone around me happy,
and people please.
I just am a people pleaser.
And sometimes I
really hate myself,
and I only feel good if I can
make someone else feel good.
And that's really exhausting.
And I'm really afraid my
sister's gonna O.D. and die,
and so I do yoga to
make myself feel better.
And it does help.
Um...
-But...
-[video chat ringing]
Oh!
-[cellphone chimes]
-What's up?
"An exciting new voice in the
Rhode Island foodie scene."
"Truly delicious," it goes
on. It's good, really good.
-In the "Chronicle."
-Yeah.
Does that translate
into money?
Uh, well, yeah.
I mean, we have a lotta
loans, so the money is,
you know, is kinda far away.
Michelin Star, here you come.
It might work out.
Try to get excited, please.
Congratulations.
So proud of you.
Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah!
[bright music]
[doorbell rings]
[door opens]
-Hi. Come on in.
-Hey.
[Steve] Oh, uh, sorry.
[Steve clears throat]
I'm just not sure we should,
like, hug and kiss
in front of Lily yet.
I don't think she's
ready for that.
OK.
Because I haven't
exactly told her that,
you know, you're
my girlfriend.
I just want to take it
slow with her, so.
I don't want to lie to her.
Of course, of course.
Oh, man. My ex has
been a nightmare today.
And you, you are just
helping the situation.
I'm helping?
You are helping
the situation.
-[sultry music]
-[kissing]
[Steve] OK.
[Steve clears throat]
[Steve] Hi, sweetie, what
are you doing?
Good popcorn, Daddy.
Mm. Mm-hmm.
He is my daddy.
-Oh, silly.
-I know. It's a joke.
You're not my mommy.
Lily! Be nice.
I'm your friend.
Um, I'm getting sleepy. Do
you want to put her in her room?
Yeah.
No, no, no, no, no,
Daddy, no!
What's the matter?
She gets a lot of nightmares,
so I let her sleep in my bed.
I want to sleep with you.
I thought we were
gonna sleep together.
What?
Uh...
Well, look, sometimes
when you're at Mommy's,
Anne sleeps in Daddy's bedroom.
You sleep in the
same bed with Anne?
-Yuck!
-Uh...
Yeah.
Why?
But, but Daddy. No, no, no!
[Steve stumbles]
OK.
OK, there we go. You good?
You lose two points.
Eight points only now.
-Right, Daddy?
-Hey!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I want you to be
nice to Anne, OK?
Remember how much fun
we had dancing together?
No.
Daddy,
no!
[sighs] OK, OK.
Listen, yes, you
can sleep in my bed.
What?
OK?
Daddy, I'm thirsty.
Hold the popcorn, and I'll
get you a glass of water, OK?
Thank you, Daddy.
My mommy has been on TV.
Have you been on TV?
No.
My mommy knows the mayor.
You don't know the mayor.
I don't know the mayor.
She's planning a
party for the mayor.
Wow. She sounds cool.
I teach yoga, and my
class is very popular.
I just got asked to teach
at the Good Living Festival.
-Is that on TV?
-No.
Then you lose another
point. Seven points only.
Mommy says Daddy
is not a real man.
Well, that's not a
nice thing to say.
But Josh is a real man.
Who's Josh?
Josh is Mommy's friend.
He lives with us and
uses our bathroom.
Mommy also says Daddy is
silly and embarrassing.
Mommy says a lot of
things about Daddy.
That's why Mommy has her
own house. [chuckles]
Here's your water, Sweetie.
I'm...
gonna take you into her room.
Her bedroom. Why?
Just--
She's talking about
that points thing.
-That's really weird.
-Look, just, just...
OK, sit down, please. Listen.
Lily sleeps with me because
she gets scared at night, OK?
This divorce has been
really hard on her,
and the last thing that I
need is her telling her mom
that she slept in the
same bed with a stranger.
-OK.
-But she loves you. She does.
She told me. I promise.
-Does she?
-She does, yes.
Can I read you a bedtime
story, little lady?
No, that's too weird.
[Anne laughing]
Oh.
The woodsman Steve never
thought he'd find love again,
until he acquainted
the Princess Anne.
And then Anne and Steve and Lily
learned to love each other,
and they lived
happily ever after.
Oh, there's a nightlight
over there if you need it.
[gentle music]
OK. Have a good night.
You can turn the night
light off if you want to.
[Roz] You slept in
his kid's bed
while he read you
a bedtime story?
[Anne] Is that weird?
Yeah, that's really weird.
If a guy told me to sleep
in his little girl's room,
I would run out of
the house screaming.
He's your friend.
He's my contractor.
Well, I think his
daughter might hate me.
[Roz] What?
I don't know if I'm
doing this right,
I'm sure you're
doing things right.
You're great with kids.
Well, can you guys
hang out with us
and tell me what
you think of her?
-[Max] Yeah.
-[Frances] Sure.
-Of course.
-[Anne] Thank you.
Are you redoing my napkins?
Well, you're doing them crazy.
Yeah, you're doing them wrong.
[Max] Yours look crazy.
Is it weird to be
scared of a kid?
No. Most kids suck.
Yeah.
Alright, crazy, what
do you really think?
She's manipulative,
and she can't read.
Her diet is extremely unhealthy.
Her fairytale books are
pieces of patriarchal crap.
She's plotting
to get rid of me.
Well that, that's a
lot of big feelings.
Alright, let's do a little
role play. I'm Lily.
What do you want to say to me.
Lily.
Yes, Anne?
Learn some manners,
you sadistic bitch!
OK, but you're not
gonna actually say that
in real life, right?
I don't think so.
Because you can't
say that to a kid.
You're right, I shouldn't.
[Roz] Nope, 'cause you'll
get, like, arrested.
[Anne] Can I say any of it?
[Roz] Any of what
you just said to me?
-[Anne] Yeah.
-[Roz] No, no, no.
That's crazy.
[Everyone] Om.
[birds twittering]
[birds twittering]
Your thoughts
create your reality.
Only positive
thoughts today, guys.
[Anne] Great class.
[class chattering]
Thanks, Anne. I loved
your last video.
[sighs] Your class is the best.
-[Anne] Really?
-Yeah.
'cause I'm in the battle of
my life with a 7-year-old.
Oh. Are you OK?
-You guys want to get a juice?
-Yes.
That was amazing and very hard.
[cellphone ringing]
-Hey, Mom.
-[Dorothy] Honey,
can you hang out
with Clio tonight
and keep her away from
her druggy friends?
So you want me to babysit
my 38-year-old sister?
Someday
we'll all be dead,
and you'll be sorry
you spent your night
selfishly recording vlogs
when you could've been making
memories with your family.
Well, when you
put it that way.
Hey.
Hey.
[Anne] That looks healthy.
Did you buy bread?
Yeah.
You know I can't have bread.
Just do Punchilates.
Why don't you eat regular
food, and then you won't get up
in the middle of the
night and binge eat?
Fuck you. Do you know
how fattening alcohol is?
I'm only eating
steamed vegetables.
Have you been drinking?
You know, I went running
today, and I passed out,
'cause I didn't have any food.
Please go to AA.
Did you get any ice cream?
No.
Gimme some bread.
Hmm.
Oh, fuck, bread is good.
Hmm.
Do you remember the time
that we ate that entire ice
cream cake, just the two of us?
Do you remember, we
used to go to Big Chilly
and eat those huge
bowls of frozen yogurt.
You were so afraid of the
girl who worked there,
that she'd judge you for
getting so much frozen yogurt,
you made me do it, and you
hid in the car the whole time.
Have you seen
Mom's music video?
[sighs] It's pathetic.
Where's she gonna show
it? Like an old age home?
I think it's brave. She's doing
something she cares about.
You know she loves
you more than me.
That's not true.
She's always bragging about
how successful you are.
You're the success,
I'm the failure.
You know how that
makes me feel?
Could you just fuck
up once in a while?
I do fuck up, constantly.
[mellow music]
Do you remember that kid
Matthew who lived next door,
and you never let me hang
out with the two of you?
That was only, like, one time.
Why didn't you want to
hang out with me?
I had a crush on him.
All I ever wanted was to
hang out with my big sister.
Yeah.
And the wedding?
[sighs] Yeah.
[garage door opening]
[Dorothy] Oh! Girls' hangout!
Mom, I saw your
pathetic music video,
and I gotta be honest, abort.
Abort, and save yourself
the embarrassment.
Honey, that's not nice.
Fuck you, Mom.
Did you watch my video?
I did, and it was great.
Should I put all my
energy into this?
Do you think it's finally time
I make something of myself?
Did you get a place
for my concert?
-I'm working on it.
-Love you!
Oh.
[Dorothy groans]
[upbeat music]
[upbeat music continues]
[Roz] Uh-huh, yeah.
[Steve] Um, Balor,
the Celtic god of war.
-Oh, wow!
-Oh, wow!
[Steve] Look at
this spread, huh?
[Roz] OK, you made
this chicken?
-[Anne] It's Steve's recipe.
-Very good.
-Well, if I may, um,
-[glass clinking]
I would just like to say
that I am so grateful
that you're a part of my life,
and I'm really just honored
to be part of game night.
-Aw!
-So cheers.
-Cheers.
-Yes, cheers.
[glasses clinking]
And I'm so thankful my
mommy married my daddy.
That is good, or you
never would've been born.
That's right.
Not everybody gets
invited to game night.
It's true. It is
a very hot ticket.
-A special invite.
-OK. Alright.
[Roz] Welcome to Game Night.
-People wait for years.
-Lucky.
Lily, I made this chicken
specially for you.
Your daddy taught me how.
-Yech!
-OK.
[Steve] Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey. No, no, no, no, no.
-[Lily] Yuck!
-[Steve] No. OK?
Anne, the chicken
is really good.
-[Steve] It is.
-Like, amazing.
Mommy makes it better.
Well, I have not
had your mommy's,
but this is about as good
as fried chicken can get.
So it would be tough.
I'm taking points away.
Now Anne has two points only.
Daddy, do I have to eat it?
Just eat eat whatever's
on the plate, OK?
Yummy, chicken,
Anne. Super yummy.
I'm just learning
how to make it.
So good.
So good. It makes me feel good.
What do you want, Lily?
You gone.
Hey, you don't mean that.
She doesn't mean that.
Lily!
Daddy, remember Mommy?
When you sang a song
to her about farts?
-[Steve] Nah. Oh, damn.
-[Lily making fart noises]
I'm pretty sure no
one at this table
wants to hear a
song about farts.
Daddy, please.
No! That's sick.
I mean, if you do,
I guess I'd be...
When Irish eyes are crying
-[fart noises]
-[Lily laughing]
I don't want to hear a song
about farts during dinner.
Right?
Did you know I have
a point system?
I grade people with my
points, and then I tell Mommy.
Then Mommy gets mad at
Daddy and calls her lawyer.
My daughter knows
what she likes.
[nervous laughter]
Do you know, Mommy is taking
me to Italy and Paris?
Well, that sounds
like a fun trip.
Daddy is taking me to
Virginia because he's poor.
I think it's gonna be
a really great trip,
because I think you're
probably pretty excited
to see your cousins, huh?
Mommy's bankrupting
Daddy in court.
Anne, this chicken sucks.
[Steve] Enough! Enough, Lily.
You know what? Just, I
need you to calm down, OK?
Eat your potatoes.
I really like the chicken, Anne.
I'd give you
two points.
So we're just throwing
my points around now?
-[Steve] So sweet.
-Mm-hmm.
[Max] OK, so it's one,
two, buckle my shoe.
Don't get caught with a
queen, a jack, or a 2.
-Oh boy.
-Say that 10 times fast.
And we opened the opening
bid of one million
Canadian dollars to Lily.
The 4 of hearts.
-OK.
-Lily, it's on you.
-Oh, nice job.
-Alright.
[Roz] She's already
a pro. Look at her.
Here you go.
Oh, very good, 5 of clubs.
Ooh, OK, let's see.
I have...
-Oh.
-You have to play
in your position once
the cards are dealt.
But I want to sit
next to Daddy.
Look, Lily, it actually is a
rule. You have to sit there.
[Steve] Yeah, these are
rules. Sit down, sweetie.
'Cause we gotta go in the same
order when it goes around.
Just sit down, and we'll
sit together later.
[Roz] It goes in a circle
so, it'll get all messed up.
-Draw? Is that what I do?
-You gotta go to the well.
Hey, have you
guys heard about--
Please don't
splash the pot.
Have you heard about Hot
Stuff, the company that sends
those kind of big cookies
right to your door?
Oh, I had salted caramel.
It was so delicious.
We shouldn't get one
of those, should we?
-Yes.
-Yes, please.
It's the 10 of clubs.
[Max] Yeah, I'll go order.
I'll order one.
Just gonna go to the well.
You're still breaking the well.
[Lily sobbing]
-Is she OK?
-Uh...
You know what? Just deal
me out on this one, guys.
Sorry, I'll be right back.
Why was she crying?
Because I sat next to him.
That's weird.
I think I've changed my mind.
You are not crazy,
they are crazy.
-That is--
-OK, I'm sorry,
but that kid would be
a deal breaker for me.
-A hundred percent. Me too.
-Max! Max.
She's, but, like, still.
This kid is gonna grow up to
be a straight-up ax murderer.
Did you see the
look in her eyes?
What's with the point system?
Is it bad?
It's very bad.
OK, you gotta say something.
You gotta stick up for yourself.
-Yeah.
-But he says Lily loves me.
Oh! Oh, no, no.
-Lily definitively hates you.
-Yeah.
No, he has to discipline her.
Yeah.
Listen, that stuff doesn't
start with the kid.
It starts with the parents.
Yeah.
She needs to hear
the word "no."
-[Frances] No.
-[Max] Mm-hmm.
I'm gonna get you home, OK?
Hey, how about this,
I want you to hop in
and just buckle up, OK?
I'll be right there, alright?
-Is she OK?
-No, yeah, she's fine.
She's just going
through a lot. Sorry.
I want to sleep
in the same bed.
I can't do that.
[sighs] Well, your kid is
spoiled.
I'm sorry to say it, but
she's a spoiled brat.
You think my kid is spoiled?
My friends thought
she was rude.
Max said that?
Do you not even notice
how rude she is?
Of course I do.
Of course I do, but
it's not her fault.
It's my fault and it's
her mother's fault.
So blame us, but
don't blame her.
-I don't like it.
-I don't like it either.
I can't stand it.
And I'm working on it.
I promise.
Because if we're gonna make
this work, that is what,
[inhales] that is what a
normal happy family would do.
Yeah, the wife doesn't usually
sleep in the kid's bed.
Oh.
Well, on that note...
[Anne] I mean a girlfriend,
a girlfriend.
-Oh, OK.
-[Anne laughing]
How about I...
How about I call you later?
OK, you ready to go?
Let's get you home, alright?
[engine starting]
Sweetheart, you
gotta eat something.
Let's have a dance party.
I have a song I want to play.
OK.
OK.
Now? Sure.
[upbeat music]
[Lily] Let's have a
dance competition.
We don't have to compete.
We can just have fun.
Yeah.
Did you know I go
to hip-hop class?
Yes, you do.
[Steve] Oh.
Oh, you're a good dancer.
Who's the better dancer,
Daddy? You decide, me or Anne.
You're the best, Lily.
[Steve] Oh, you are
just the best dancer.
[Anne] You're the best.
Oh, that's, uh...
OK.
Mommy says I need to learn
how to shake my booty.
What?
Mommy says a woman has to
learn to shake her booty
to get what she wants.
[Steve] Mommy's
getting a phone call.
[Anne] This is fun.
Who's the better dancer,
Daddy, me or Anne?
I said you are the
best dancer, ever.
Oh.
[Lily] Look at me,
Daddy! Me, me, me!
Look at me!
So will the real
men please stand up
And defend what God made,
signing off with love
I ain't got no time
waiting all around, boy
I don't really want no
hangers on my rain coat
Please, sir,
vultures all around
Who's the better dancer,
Daddy, me or Anne?
Lily, I said you are just
the best dancer ever.
Please, sir, I
can feel them now
Please, sir, never
gonna bring me down
Mm!
Oh, that's, uh...
Um...
Um...
Hey, I know, I know, I know
Rocking non-stop, like, hey
Hey, I know, I know, I know
Licking off shots
like, rah, rah, rah
I ain't got no time
for waitin' all around, boy
I don't really want no
hangers on my rain coat
Please, sir,
vultures all around
Please, sir, why you
want to bring me down
Look at what you made me
God, please save me
From mine enemies
creeping all around me
Keeping all around me
Please, sir, I
can feel him now
Please, sir, never
gonna bring me down
Hi.
-[Steve sighs]
-How'd it go?
Oh, I never know.
Let's just pray that she stays
down and we can hang out.
Listen, I am so
sorry about earlier.
I really just wanted
to focus on you.
[Anne] Why didn't you?
I am now.
So hi.
[wind chimes rattling]
Was that her?
-I don't know.
-Did you hear that?
Hold on.
[door opens]
False alarm.
But maybe...
I should leave this open, and
we don't have sex tonight, OK?
I'm sorry.
She could just probably
call me at any time.
Sorry.
I know this is crazy. Come here.
-Daddy?
-Huh? Hi.
What's up?
-What's going on?
-[Lily] I'm too small.
What?
Silly.
You love Anne more than me
'cause I'm little and she's big.
What are you talking about?
I can't get big fast enough.
Sweetheart, you know
I love you so much.
You're my whole life.
Oh, baby girl, it's OK.
Your dad loves you the
most, and he always will.
[Lily sobbing]
[Alfred] Who pays the rent?
Who pays the mortgage?
[Alfred and Clio
shouting indistinctly]
[Dorothy] Hi, hon.
Honey, you've got to
take Clio back to rehab.
No.
Wait. Listen to me.
I need a big venue
to expose my talent
to the most possible eyes.
After all the things
that you have been saying
about us on your vlogs,
the least you can do is let
me sing at your yoga festival.
It's a huge opportunity
for me. I can't do that.
You have to take her
back to Mountain View.
-No.
-Do you want her to die?
No.
Then get your
priorities straight!
Nothing's more
important than family.
You walk out on your sister,
and God will punish you seven
times over for your sins.
There she is.
Little miss crazy vlogger,
telling everyone
my personal shit.
-Clio!
-I know!
She needs you.
Get in the car. Get in!
Listen, I could
die any day now.
Are you sick?
No. But I have a very bad
feeling about my health.
Can't you grant a mother
her final dying wish?
Think about someone
other than yourself?
[Clio shouting]
Oh, I, I, I,
I know you're going
to fix this for me.
Right?
[pensive music]
[pensive music continues]
[pensive music continues]
[door slams]
[Anne] What?
Hey!
[Clio panting]
I hate you! You always
blame me for everything.
-Well, I hate you too.
-[ominous music]
Do you feel bad
about what happened?
What do you mean?
The wedding.
We were kids.
Why did you let me go
outside to that guy's car?
He was Dad's friend.
You are my big sister.
You're supposed to protect me.
I was 10 years old.
Do you feel bad
about what happened?
I feel bad.
I'm sorry. I feel
really, really bad.
Now you know how I feel.
Blame him, not me.
No.
[birds twittering]
[line ringing]
[Steve recording] Yo,
this is Steve.
I can't come to the
phone, so leave a message.
[line ringing]
Yo, yo, what's up?
Clio just, uh, blamed me
for that thing that
happened when we were kids.
Wow.
OK. That's intense.
I know.
I'm sorry.
OK, come over. Let's hang out.
Do you think I'm a bad person?
You are definitively
not a bad person.
Really?
I don't like you when
you're like this.
I don't want you to be alone.
Have you called
Steve? Where is he?
He's doing whatever his
daughter wants him to do,
because he doesn't
know how to say no.
Oh, well...
who does that remind me of?
Who?
It reminds me of you.
What do you mean?
Anne, think about it.
Listen.
Tomorrow is a big day for you.
Focus on that.
You're gonna kill it.
Thanks. [sniffles]
[Anne sighs]
[gentle music]
[gentle music continues]
-Hey!
-Ah!
Hi!
[Frances] Aw!
[Roz] I made
signs. No big deal.
We support you.
-This is amazing.
-It's so huge.
Back and front.
-You're such a dork
-I know.
What is an anal healing
massage, I wonder?
Oh, I don't know.
I wouldn't mind getting
my anus massaged.
-I would do it.
-Right?
-In a park?
-Yeah.
Not in a park.
What? It's better
that it's an a park.
-That's your problem?
-It's weird in a park, yeah.
We keep a lot of tension
in our buttholes.
That is a true fact.
You know that, from...yoga.
Wait, take a picture,
take a picture.
No, you don't want to keep
talking about buttholes?
I would.
Get your sign up.
-Ah!
-Hold up your sign.
[Anne] Oh my god.
Oh, that last one was weird.
We're gonna get seats.
We're getting seats.
-Oh!
-Hey, Mom.
Evelyn and Marty are here.
And your father brought the
virgin from his church group.
OK.
Well, let's get
on stage, honey.
So you ever do yoga?
It's kind of her jam.
-[indistinct convo]
-Anne. This is Jehan.
Nice to meet you.
You too.
I connect brands
with influencers,
and I hear you're
an influencer.
-I guess.
-Hmm.
Well, get it together.
[M.C.] Alright, thank you,
Stephanie for showing us all
how to get in touch with
our inner erotic creature.
Next up, we have our
happiness expert.
Here she is, Anne Fitzgerald.
[crowd cheering]
Hi.
I learned how to teach yoga
because yoga makes me happy.
And I want to share
my love of yoga
-with everyone here today.
-[everyone applauding]
And now...
my mom has a special
song to sing.
[everyone applauding]
This is an original
song that I wrote,
and I hope it helps all of you
get your yoga on.
Yoga
Don't need no toga
[Roz] You don't need
a toga for yoga.
Just do your yoga
Do your yoga today
Just breathe
Just believe
Just believe in yourself
Alright, everybody
get ready to be happy.
Surya Namaskar.
Sun Salutation.
-Arms over your head.
-Yoga time
And jump back.
Groove yoga time
It's a groovy
time to do yoga
And Down Dog.
Mm. Deep, deep breaths.
The most important
thing is your breath.
-Really, really breathe.
-Ah
OK
[sighs] Sometimes the people
who are supposed to
make your life better,
-they really make it worse.
-Clio, what are you doing?
-And in those moments--
-Just relax.
-Yoga time.
-Focus on your breath.
It's a groovy
time to do yoga
Life is a gift, and it's our
responsibility to enjoy it.
That's such bullshit.
Happiness is our natural state.
-Bullshit!
-Clio!
That is such bull crap!
Give me a fucking
break. Yoga sucks.
Punchilates is the new trend.
Fuck these yoga bitches!
Punchilates feels good!
Fuck you, yoga bitches!
Get off the stage. Get off.
-No!
-[punch thuds]
-Ow!
-Clio!
Punchilates for the
win, Punchilates
Don't make a scene.
Don't touch me.
[dramatic music]
[Anne] Oh! Ow!
[Dorothy] Security!
[Clio] Stop hitting
yourself. Ow!
-[ominous music]
-[ringing noise]
[Anne VO] I'm looking at the
patterns in my life,
the choices that I make.
I can see where those
patterns come from.
I can see the people who
are really there for me.
Maybe the only person
I can change is myself.
I'm sorry about what
happened to you,
but it was not my fault.
Clio, come on, that's
enough. Come on.
Yoga feels so good
I'm gonna teach the
class myself from now on.
-This way.
-No more music.
Are you OK? That was, uh, wild.
What should I do?
This is, uh, a shit show.
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
Should I just get off the stage?
No!
No, you can turn this
around right now.
-We can all do it with you.
-OK, come on.
I'm in heals.
-Warrior II, everyone.
-That's it.
-Warrior II.
-[everyone applauding]
-Warrior I.
-[rousing music]
I'm in heels.
Even when you feel like you're
alone, you're not alone.
In life, it helps
to be a warrior.
You can turn your day
around at any moment.
[rousing music continues]
It's the kind of publicity
you can't buy, you know?
I feel like it's
actually better this way,
because it shows, like,
when the shit hits the fan,
you're able to pull it together.
-I thought it was-
-Oh.
Oh my gosh, I am so
sorry. Are you OK?
I had a situation with Lily.
I'm not OK.
Why? What happened?
You're a good guy.
-[melancholy music]
-OK.
But I don't feel like
there's room for me here.
What do you mean?
I have to do what's
right for me,
and maybe the
timing isn't right.
[melancholy music continues]
I love you.
Maybe call me sometime.
[melancholy music continues]
Let's go home.
There's the endorsement guy.
Excuse me, Jehan.
Um, I meant to
impress you with my class,
but I know it was weird.
I would love for you to come
under different
circumstances sometime.
[Anne] Yes! Gave him my card.
[Roz] Casual.
Casual sign holding.
Can I get a ride home?
Do you have room for me?
-We always have room for you.
-Of course.
-Of course.
-Of course.
I mean, we'll strap you
to the roof, obviously.
She's driving
'cause I'm hammered.
-[Roz] Alright, shotgun!
-[Max] Oh, hey.
And guess what CD we just got.
-What?
-You're gonna love it.
It goes like this.
[off-key] Yoga
[All] Don't need no toga
[resolute music]
[resolute music continues]
[Anne sighs]
[resolute music continues]
Morning.
Hi, hun.
-Mom.
-Yes?
I can't help you
with your career.
You're being selfish, honey.
I'm gonna focus on myself.
Call Father Peter.
Go to confession.
No.
I love you guys.
I'll see you Friday.
[resolute music continues]
I only have broccoli
and a half eaten carton
of ice cream in my fridge.
I don't know what you should
do, but I'm rooting for you.
I love you. Good luck.
[Anne VO] It's easy to
blame other people
when things go wrong.
But I have to ask
myself, what's my part?
The most important thing
is not what sucks in life,
but what's good.
Warrior II.
[resolute music continues]
So I decided to be grateful
for all the good things,
and there's a lot
of good things.
I do have a loving family,
and I have a great life.
[bright music]
Well, I may have
lost a contractor,
but I gained a pretty
great fried chicken recipe.
This is better than Steve's.
-Right?
-Seriously.
This might get you the
Michelin Star, babe.
[Roz] Oh yeah, baby.
[Max] Well, the
thing underneath.
[upbeat music]
I know we're not related,
but you're my Chosen Family.
-We love you.
-Oh.
Aw.
Sweetie.
[Roz] Oh, we do love you.
[Max] Oh.
[Anne] Cheers to that.
[Roz] That was very sweet.
But we don't have to stop
and, like, hug or something.
We can keep eating chicken?
[Anne] Later. I'd like
a hug later.
[Roz] I'll set my alarm
for 20 minutes from now.
[Anne] OK, perfect.
[Max] If everybody
could just Venmo me.
[Frances laughing]
[Roz] $8.12?
[Max] There's a lot of fees, so.
[Frances] Great idea.
[Max] Like $9 in fees.
[Roz] will you remind
us that the alarm is set
for us to all hug?
-Yeah.
-[Max] 8.12?
[Roz] I feel like
you're the only one
with a good memory here.
[Max] Is that what you
think this would cost? $8?
Don't it seem
like every time
It's lurking right
behind you now
Gonna catch it face to face
Don't look now, keep
running in place
See, you can run,
but you can't hide
Behind that smile,
it's full of lies
One day you're
gonna tell the truth
And then you'll find
freedom like you never knew
Happy birthday!
-Woo!
-Yay!
Don't catch on fire.
Don't catch on fire.
-Woo!
-[Frances laughs]
OK.
Oh, wait, wait, wait. Ready?
No, no, no!
Yes!
-Alright, everyone.
-Yeah, this is so fun!
Alright, can I cut into this?
-Yeah.
-Yes.
-With what?
-How does this work?
OK, I got a knife.
Wait, wait, I don't know
what to do with this thing.
Watch out.
-Watch out!
-Watch out!
[Max] Oh!
It works.
Alright, who wants
cake? Watch out!
Oh, she drops it.
Alright.
-Alright, crank it up.
-Yes!
That's too big.
[Anne] Oh my god, yes.
We have to eat it, so of course.
Don't just wipe it down.
Come on, I have to shake it out.
Can I have a fork?
Please wait for me now.
Wait, wait. Alright, alright.
Here we go. In three, two, one.
[Frances] Woo!
-Alright.
-Woo!
Was that from me rubbing on you?
Did you finally
get the butt implant?
-Yeah.
-Oh.
You know, she's really hard.
-Hey, guys.
-Oh my god.
I've got a confession. I'm
super allergic to chocolate.
Don't worry about it. I'm
probably gonna be fine.
We love you, but-
It's gonna be fine.
OK. Are you serious?
I'm going into
anaphylactic shock.
-Don't die.
-I'm not gonna die.
-Don't die.
-I'm not.
Listen, if one of us has to go,
we all agree it's gonna be Max.
[resolute music]
[resolute music continues]
[resolute music continues]
[music ends]
[no audio]