Christmas Cupid (2010) Movie Script
1
Hello?
Hey Aaron,
it's Sloane Spencer.
I was calling to check
on the arrangements
for the Snow Angel
premiere party.
Sloane, darling. It's
going to be exquisite.
Valhalla.
We're going to have
100 white doves
preset in cages
over the entrance.
So when Caitlin Quinn arrives,
we'll release them!
Picture it. The Snow Angel
with all those gorgeous white birds
swooping around her. Spectacular!
Wow.
I know, right?
Now, just one question.
Sure.
What happens when
you stick those birds
next to hot lights for
a couple of hours?
Hmm?
They die, brain trust!
It's like sticking them
in a rotisserie.
Do you want a hundred
charred, roasted birds
plummeting down on
the star of our movie?
No. I didn't think...
Damn right,
you didn't think!
Now, you have exactly
one hour to call me back
with ideas for a
premier event
that doesn't belong in
a Stephen King novel.
Javier, find me some
heat-resistant doves.
Right away.
Hey, you can't park here.
That's a handicapped spot.
Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
Sloane!
We were starting to think you
were gonna take the day off.
Not at all. I figured you'd like a
latte to get you through the morning.
You read my mind.
So, how's the Snow Angel's
party coming along?
Awesome. It is gonna be the biggest
thing to ever happen on Christmas Day.
Except for the whole Jesus
being born thing, right?
It's gonna be
bigger than that.
Exactly. Where are we
with the press?
Well, I've got phone calls out
to all the major networks.
I'm just waiting
for confirmation...
Wait, they haven't confirmed yet?
This party is in three days!
I know when the party is.
And I'll make sure
the networks are there.
You know, I'd be happy to pitch
in, make some calls myself,
if Sloane's feeling
overwhelmed...
I'm not. Thank you. I've got
everything under control.
Even Caitlin?
Of course.
Sloane?
We've got
a problem.
Caitlin?
I know you!
Oh, God!
She's drunk. Again.
Oh, ho, ho!
Is she trying to
tank her career?
I shouldn't have had
that fifth margarita.
Oh, dear!
All right,
we're going. Come with me.
Caitlin Quinn does not make enough
money to behave this badly.
One of you two...
I'm on it.
I'll make sure
they take it down.
Great.
Anything I can do
to help?
Yeah. Can you get me
a Red Bull?
I'll take one, too.
Thank God you're here, so I don't
have to deal with this idiotic...
Caitlin! Can you believe they
sold that video to the tabloids?
Stupid elves, always
looking to make a buck.
I need you to fix this!
I know, I know.
It's an elf thing.
You're the victim here.
But don't you worry,
'cause Sloane is gonna take
care of everything, all right?
All right.
This is cold.
Sweetie, listen.
You know we all love you,
but you gotta stop
doing stuff like this.
Like what?
Let me see.
Attacking Heidi Montag
at the VMAs.
She provoked me.
Getting arrested for smuggling
drugs across the Mexican border?
They were diet pills.
Two hundred of them?
The camera adds
10 pounds.
Okay, what about shoplifting
a $4,000 coat from Prada?
Look, I told you,
I wasn't shoplifting.
I was just so drunk that
I forgot I'd tried it on.
Oh, okay, I guess I should
have told the public that.
Look. Caitlin.
You're starring in
a family movie now,
and believe it or not, there is
such thing as bad publicity.
Snow Angel, it can make
or break your career.
If you blow this,
you might not get
another chance.
So you might want to be just
a little bit more careful
with the way you present
yourself to others.
Like now,
for instance.
Caitlin!
Hmm?
Oh, I'll put it back.
The story's contained and
Caitlin promised to lay low
until after the
movie's released.
It's good work, Sloane.
It's really good work.
Good enough to get me
the promotion to VP?
I don't know,
that's a big step.
Well, you are the son of
the firm's president.
Is there anything
that I can do to help
influence that
decision?
Like this?
Or maybe this, or...
...this?
Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
Well, that works
for me.
Just promise me you won't try to
influence my dad the same way.
Are you
coming over later?
It'll be a lot later. I've got
a client meeting tonight.
But I'll tell you what, why don't
I take you out tomorrow night
and we'll celebrate your victory in
handling this whole Caitlin mess.
And we'll go someplace special.
Like, say, Panache?
Really?
That would be amazing!
I've been dying
to go there.
I know. So, why don't you call them
and get us some reservations. Okay?
Will do.
Okay, that's my girl.
I talked Caitlin
off the ledge.
Oh, it's a
Christmas miracle!
Well, Andrew
thought so.
You know, I stopped
caring about who you date
exactly two seconds
after I dumped you.
First of all,
I dumped you.
Second, it's just pitifully
obvious how jealous you are
that I'm gonna get get the
VP slot instead of you.
I think it takes more than sleeping
with the boss to get a promotion.
Yeah, it's gonna take turning the Snow
Angel party into the event of the decade.
Once I do that, I'm
a shoo-in for VP.
I'll get the best clients,
the corner office,
bonus, use of
the company jet,
basically everything you ever
wanted, and that makes you crazy.
It's not a contest,
you know.
Oh, yes, it is.
And I'm winning.
Let's go in here. Ooh!
I need to decide what Larry's
buying me for Christmas!
Ooh, that one
would look stunning
with the red dress that I'm wearing
at brunch on Christmas morning.
I wish you were there to see it.
I told you, I have to
work all day Christmas.
Of course. I just...
We used to have so much fun
on Christmas mornings.
Getting all dressed up, posing for
pictures by the Christmas tree.
Remember?
Of course I do.
Oh, I know. Have Larry take a
picture of you and email it to me.
Will do.
I'll see that one, please.
Certainly, madam.
Here, hold your brother.
Mom, please
don't call him that.
Now, how come Larry isn't getting
you your present himself?
He's in Cleveland on
business till the 24th.
He doesn't have
time to shop.
Pretty.
Pretty expensive!
The more it costs, the more
Larry knows he loves me.
That's not very romantic.
Darling, men come and go,
but diamonds are forever.
You want one? Yeah?
I think your brother
wants one.
Please don't call him that.
Hey, Jenny! I know
you're gonna be shocked.
I'm late. Again.
I'll see you in five.
Oh, my God,
this is fantastic!
It is a chestnut tartlet
with a tangelo glaze.
Hey, it's insane.
Your customers must
eat this up.
Well, they would,
if we had any.
It's probably slow
'cause of the holiday.
And I would eat this
every day.
Good. I'm thinking about making it
for Christmas dinner on Saturday.
Oh, about dinner...
You can't come.
I'm sorry,
I have to work.
On Christmas Day?
Oh, Sloane Spencer
makes a rare appearance.
It's a Christmas miracle!
Merry Christmas, Ed.
What's up
with Scrooge?
He's worried about money.
We both are.
I don't know why I ever thought
it would be a good idea
to open
a restaurant in LA.
Uh, because you're an amazing chef.
Always have been.
You know, you're the
reason for my freshman 15.
Oh, come on!
Who knew that truffle oil was so
good on top of mac and cheese.
My specialty.
And once people realize how
irresistible your food is,
you're gonna have a line
outside the door.
Actually, I wanted to
talk to you about that.
I know that people would love this
place, if they'd ever heard of it.
But I just don't know
how to get the word out.
So, I was hoping that
maybe you could help me,
since you are the best
publicist in the entire city.
Flattery will get you
everywhere.
Okay, what this place
needs is star power.
Okay. We'll get the
celebrities in here,
we'll get the paparazzi out there, and
you'll get a full house, guaranteed.
Do you still have those gift certificates
left over from the grand opening?
They're in
the storeroom.
Oh! Could you give them to
some of your famous clients?
No.
I'll give them to all
my famous clients.
I'll put them inside
our company gift bags,
and I promise you,
by New Year's,
this will be the hottest
place in Hollywood.
Oh, my gosh!
Thank you so much!
You have no idea...
Oh, hold on,
hold on.
Hey, Aaron.
I'll go get the
gift certificates.
Yeah, you better be calling
me with some good news,
or you will be singing
Christmas carols as a soprano!
Hi, Caitlin. What's up?
Hey, hey. Okay.
Do you know if you need a
passport to go out in the ocean,
since technically
you're leaving the States?
Oh, God. Caitlin, what have
you gotten yourself into now?
Nothing, nothing. I just met this
awesome guy who owns a yacht
and he's taking me sailing!
Caitlin, no.
Do not get on the boat.
Promise me.
Oh, my gosh, it's not a
boat, Sloane, it's a yacht!
Promise me!
Fine. I promise.
Okay, we just
talked about this.
You promised to not get
into any trouble until...
I said fine,
party-pooper!
Here you go!
Hello? Caitlin?
Sweetie, it's a bad connection.
Call me back.
I swear, if you're calling me
from the middle of the Pacific,
I will swim out there
and drown you myself.
- Hello? Caitlin? Hello?
- Hello? Hello?
Hello?
Sloane. Sloane. Sloane.
Sloane.
Caitlin?
Hello? Sloane.
Sloane. Hello? Sloane.
Hello?
Hello? Sloane.
Sloane. Sloane.
Oh, my God, shut up. Shut up!
Sloane.
Caitlin! Jeez! Oh, my...
You scared me to death!
How did you get in here?
Sloane Spencer,
time is running out.
You must change your
ways or pay the price.
Oh, my God.
How good was that?
You know, I should have
totally won Best Actress
at the Teen Choice
Awards last year.
Stupid Dakota Fanning.
Okay. you know what,
sit down. Sit down.
What happened? Did you break up
with a boyfriend or something?
Oh, God, please don't tell
me there's a sex tape.
This isn't about me, Sloane,
it's too late for me.
But you still have a chance.
A chance for what?
Not to die alone.
Okay, are you drunk?
No!
Okay, maybe a little.
I mean, I only had,
like, one, two, four...
That bottle.
You know what,
that's not the point.
For the next
three nights,
you will be visited by three
ghosts at the stroke of midnight.
Three ghosts? You mean like
Dickens' three ghosts?
Exactly. They're gonna give you
your only shot at redemption.
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.
You're gonna
go home now,
and tomorrow morning,
we're going to go see about
getting you some
professional help, okay?
It'll be completely
confidential.
Promise.
I'm not the one who
needs help, Sloane.
All right, that's it. I put up with a
lot with my clients, but I've never...
How did you do that?
Listen to me, Sloane.
Listen to me!
Go away!
Get out of my house!
Babe, are you okay?
Yes. Yes. I am.
The craziest thing
just happened. Caitlin...
Oh, God,
you haven't heard.
Heard what?
Turn on your TV.
Quinn was dancing on this
spot earlier this evening
when she apparently
choked to death
on an olive while
drinking her martini.
Too bad it wasn't
an apple martini,
or she'd be alive today.
Back to you.
Thank you.
Hi, I was told Caitlin
Quinn was brought here?
Are you family?
I'm her publicist.
Sloane.
Oh, my God.
Sloane Spencer.
Come here.
Patrick? Oh, my God!
I can't believe it!
How many years
has it been?
Too many.
I'm so happy to see you.
What are you doing here?
I work here.
What are you doing here?
What, are you sick?
No, I'm here to see
one of my clients.
Caitlin Quinn?
Come on.
I'll take you to her.
Wow. It's good to see you.
You, too.
I just had to see
for myself.
I can't believe it.
She's dead.
I told her to stop getting
into so much trouble.
Hey, you can't
blame yourself.
No, you don't
understand.
Her movie premiere
is in three days!
I know. It's hard to lose someone so
young, with so much ahead of them.
This is a nightmare.
I'll give you some
time alone with her.
Say your goodbyes.
Do you think that gurney
makes me look fat?
No. No, no, no, no.
This is impossible.
You're dead!
That is your body.
Yeah, draped in the
tackiest sheets ever.
What is this, polyester?
All right.
This isn't happening.
Seriously.
They need to swap this out for Egyptian
cotton before anyone else views me.
No, no, no, no, no.
You aren't happening.
How could you be talking
to me if you're dead?
I'll give you a hint.
Boo!
You're...
You're a ghost?
Yup. Just like Marley from
A Christmas Carol.
Okay, no. This isn't real. You're dreaming.
You're dreaming.
Wake up, Sloane!
Wake up!
You awake now?
Sloane?
What's the matter?
You're covered in sweat.
Are you okay?
I see dead people.
I've heard you have your first
psychotic break in your early 20's.
Do you think that's
what's happening to me?
No. You're not crazy.
I promise.
I had a conversation
with a dead celebrity.
It was a hallucination, a
reaction to your friend dying.
Oh, no,
we weren't friends.
Okay, still. Stress
messes with the head.
It makes you see things
that aren't there.
So you don't
believe in ghosts?
Sure I do.
Really?
Absolutely. When I was
in the tenth grade,
we had this seance
at a slumber party,
and I promise you the Ouija
board moved on its own.
It said that Christina Aguilera
was gonna go to the prom with me.
She didn't, but that's not
the Ouija board's fault.
Sloane! Come on.
Wake up!
You don't need an exorcist.
You need just a vacation.
I know! I need to just
chuck everything and
lie on a beach in
the middle of Hawaii.
I should be able to get off
of work sometime in January
of 2018.
Yeah, you know what,
Sloane, you're right.
Who needs Hawaii
when you can have
LA traffic,
dead celebrities.
Hmm. Impending
schizophrenia?
I've missed you.
Whose fault is that?
You didn't have to leave.
Yes, I did. It was med school.
It was my dream.
What else was
I supposed to do?
I know. I just... You
could have come with me.
In fact, I thought
you were coming with me.
I couldn't.
Could you imagine me,
stuck out in the middle of
nowhere, working as a cashier
at a Pick 'n Save, while
you're at your classes?
What kind of life
would that have been?
You better get that.
I guess I better.
I know, I know. You're
startled by my good looks.
Okay. You are not
really here.
No, no. This is a figment
of my imagination,
caused by too
much stress.
Who are you trying to
convince here, you or me?
Leave me alone!
Damn. Does he
do Pilates? Yum.
Go away!
Wow! That's a nice way
to start the day.
No. I mean, yes, maybe later.
Go back to sleep.
Mmm. I can't breathe.
Honey?
That never gets old.
What do you want?
I told you. I was sent
to give you a warning.
"Change your ways,
or suffer the consequences."
Sent by who? God?
The universe?
Freaking Tom Cruise?
Yeah, I wasn't really
paying attention.
Why not?
I thought I saw
Michael Jackson.
Morning, babe.
A little early for
vodka, don't you think?
It's not mine. It's hers.
It's Caitlin's.
Yeah. He can't see me,
you know.
Look.
Uh...
It's in...
It's in honor
of Caitlin.
Doesn't seem like
she's really gone.
Oh, honey. I can't
believe it either.
She was so young
and full of life and...
Hey, coffee's ready!
The good news is, I have
decided to put you in charge
of Caitlin's
memorial service.
Yes!
Uh, so how is
that good news?
Pulling off a good funeral is like
the litmus test for a PR agent.
Yup. This could get you a
lock on that promotion.
Sure can. And since you're already
working on the premiere party,
it'll be cake.
Cake.
Besides, I only deal
with living clients.
Dead ones don't
generate revenue.
What a jerk!
Ooh! That was
kind of fun.
Don't!
Don't what?
Um...
Put your coffee cup
on the counter, please.
Wow. Okay.
I've got an early meeting,
so I'm gonna run,
but I will see you
at the office.
Okay, you've had your fun,
you've given me your warning, will
you just please go away, already?
Sorry.
Garlic? I'm a ghost,
Sloane, not a vampire.
You're a pain in the ass!
Now, get out!
Mmm, I don't think so.
Until you actually heed my
warning, you're stuck with me.
Okay, I'll heed your
warning right now.
Just tell me what
I gotta do.
Change your ways.
Change...
Change them how?
To be better.
Okay. What do you need me to do?
Specifically.
See, that's the other thing. I was in the
bathroom when they explained that part.
Tiny bladder.
This is so unfair.
You die, and I'm in hell.
Nice apartment.
Oh! Hold the
elevator, please.
Oh, sir, your briefcase!
What the...
Wait, wait.
Hey!
Morning.
Are you sure you don't want
to just wait in my office?
By myself? Yawn.
Fine. Not a word.
Really nice work, guys.
That's exactly the kind of event
that we were looking for.
So sorry I'm late,
everyone, I was
dealing with Caitlin
all morning.
We were just getting to her.
Have a seat.
Hey! Respect for
the dead, missy!
You do realize this party needs to go
on as planned, Caitlin or no Caitlin.
Yes, of course.
I'm on top of it.
Oh, really? Because you missed your
meeting with the caterers this morning.
Oh, my God.
I completely forgot.
Don't worry. I will go
call them right now.
Sit back down.
Jason already handled it.
You're welcome.
Now, even though
our client has expired
before fulfilling her
three picture deal,
she can still
generate revenue.
I remember '63...
Oh, Carl!
Your old wrinkled hands
would feel so good
on my young, firm...
Back off!
I'm so bored.
I thought we were going to be
talking about my memorial.
It's not a memorial,
it's a party.
Sloane, you have
something to add?
Well, since they're doing a
memorial service for Caitlin...
For Caitlin.
And since we're handling
the premiere party
why don't we just
combine them
to make them
one big event?
Her tragedy...
Her tragedy will become
a brilliant photo op.
That is a great idea!
You know, movie stars
love opportunities
to make the public think they
actually care about people,
and if we spin this right, we could get
every A-lister in town to show up.
What do you think, Dad?
I love it! We'll turn Caitlin's
death into a gold mine!
That's exactly what Caitlin
would have wanted.
We'll make Saturday an
all-day media extravaganza.
It will be the biggest
PR event of the year.
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna need everyone to work
overtime between now and then, okay?
But Saturday's
Christmas.
You said we could
take the day off.
That was before I decided
I needed you to work.
But we won't get to
see our families.
Our client is dead.
Try and have
a little heart.
All right.
Let's make this happen.
Hey, Sloane.
I know you've got a lot
on your plate right now,
so after I met
with the caterers,
I confirmed the party
with all the networks.
Well, you're just wasting your
time because I already did that.
I was just waiting for them
to call me back, so...
Oh, it wasn't a waste of time.
See, Carl was getting worried,
so I figured somebody
around here needed to
stop waiting
and start doing.
Have a productive day.
Did you see the way that Jason sabotaged
me with that whole catering thing?
He was helping you.
Yeah, right.
There's only one VP slot
opening up in the new year,
and he's trying to
steal it from me.
But he better watch out because
I am going to throw the most
talked about,
star-studded event ever!
Awesome. How?
I have no idea.
Good plan.
I have three days!
Jason's right.
I'm screwed.
Sloane, do you want
to do some yoga?
Yoga?
No, I'm too stressed.
It's just a party.
It was. Now, we got to turn it into
a celebration of your entire life!
Good thing I died young.
I have to make a
career retrospective,
make blowups of the stills of all
the movies that you've been in,
find other stars to make
touching anecdotes about you,
if they even
have one.
And figure out a way to make "death
by cocktail garnish" seem dignified.
It's three days
before Christmas.
No one's in
their office.
And even we don't have direct
numbers to celebrities.
But I do.
What is this thing?
Aluminum man.
You paid money
for this?
Sloane, I'm a movie star.
Disposable income?
All right. Where did you say
I could find these keys?
Under one of those
little rocks.
Uh, yeah.
That's really helpful.
You know, I feel kind of guilty
breaking into your house like this.
Shouldn't your parents be coming
over to take care of your things?
Oh, both my parents
are dead.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, apparently
it's hereditary.
So, what's going to
happen with your stuff?
You know, maybe I should
give some of it to my charity.
Right. Your charity.
No, seriously.
...as the new spokeswoman
for Project Pearly Whites,
I am thrilled to announce
that we have already donated
over 5,000 tooth-bleaching kits
to the children of Uzbekistan.
They may be refugees, but now they
have something to smile about.
That way, my legacy will live on
in their hearts and gums forever.
Got it!
Wait. How did you...
Hello? Sloane, hey.
It's Patrick.
Patrick. Hi!
Um... What's up?
You know, I know you were
pretty upset last night.
Caitlin seemed like
an awesome girl.
Aw!
I just wanted to make sure
you were doing okay.
Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
I mean, considering.
It's really sweet
of you to call.
I must have seemed like
a total lunatic last night.
Not to me, you didn't.
You still into
country line dancing?
I know this great place
in the valley.
What? Wait, wait, wait. When was I
ever into country line dancing?
Try all through college.
No. Uh-uh.
That was you.
You were into
line dancing.
I only went along with it because
I thought the boots were hot.
Okay.
Well, you know, they also have really
great tacos. You still like those?
Yes, I still like tacos.
All right.
Then how about it, huh?
Say I'll pick you up around,
I don't know, 8:00?
You wear the sexy boots, and I'll
wear the oversized cowboy hat.
Great. I mean...
Yeah. Well, maybe.
You know, I have to
check my schedule.
Can I call you back and
then we'll, you know...
It sounds like a plan.
Oh, great.
Okay, thanks. Bye.
What was that?
What?
Why didn't you make
a date with him?
I'm dating Andrew.
Hello.
Please. Patrick is so
much better than Andrew.
You're just saying that
because he complimented you.
No. I like him
because he's funny,
he's gorgeous and
he smells like cake.
I know. He does, right?
Stop. Anything with Patrick
and I is all in the past.
I'm happy with Andrew.
But Patrick...
Look. You want me to
change my ways?
Well then, help me out with pulling off
this party and getting that promotion,
and that will change
my entire life.
Fine.
There. That ought
to do it.
I have got the phone numbers of
everyone who's anyone in Hollywood.
Now you do, too.
Now don't you feel bad for
yelling at me to go away before?
I do. I'm sorry.
You should be sorry! Sucka!
Okay, I've texted,
emailed, tweeted, and IM-ed
every big name in town.
I... Ah, that's it
for me tonight.
I'm going to go home
and get some sleep.
But it's almost midnight.
So?
I told you.
You are going to be
visited by three ghosts
at the stroke of midnight
for the next three nights.
You know, I really should
have won Best Actress.
Wait, so you mean...
You mean the crap you said in my
apartment last night was true?
What, you think I came
back from the grave
to hook you up
with Brangelina?
I am so not in the mood
to meet Casper tonight.
What? Where are we?
Why are you taking
your shoes off?
Oh, I miss the feeling of
fake grass beneath my toes.
Okay. What in the world
is going on right now?
The clock just
struck 12:00.
Are we ready? Yes, we are!
Yes, yes, yes we do!
We got spirit,
how about you?
Oh, my God, is that...
That looks like Brad!
He was my first
boyfriend.
Well, my first
everything.
You slut!
You! Put! Out!
She! Put! Out!
Okay, but what in the world
is he be doing here?
Well, since I came here to
help you change your ways
by fixing
your love life
instead of the traditional, ordinary,
boring ghosts like they have in Dickens,
I've arranged for you to be visited by
the spirits of three ex-boyfriends.
Wait a minute.
Are you telling me that
Brad is the Ghost of
Christmas Past?
Actually, as your ex-boyfriend,
he's the Ghost of Ex-mas Past!
I have got to cheer.
Merry Ex-Mas!
All right!
That's what
I'm talking about.
Wow! Brad, I can't
believe it's really you.
Oh, my God,
are you dead?
Yes, and it's
because of you.
I guess you can die
from a broken heart.
I'm just kidding! I'm not the
actual Brad that you dated,
I'm just his spirit.
The real Brad you know
is alive and well, I swear.
So why do you
look like him?
To help you emotionally
access your past
because, to you, Brad represents
an idealized view of love.
It took me, like,
an hour to memorize that.
Since you and Brad
dated so long ago,
I thought he'd be the perfect
ex-boyfriend to show you your past.
I know you.
You're in Blood Prom!
You're the one
who got decapitated.
Sorority sister
number two.
That was the first movie
I ever did.
You were awesome
in that.
I saw your boobs.
Congrats.
Ghost of Brad,
meet Ghost of Caitlin.
I hope you don't mind if I
tag along with you guys.
Technically, I'm not supposed to
horn in on the other ghosts' time,
but I got bored.
That's cool, you should stay.
Hang out with us.
Yeah. It'll be a blast!
Yeah, it will.
Ready to get started?
Do I have a choice?
No.
No.
Oh, my God,
that's me and my mom!
Oh, you were so cute.
What happened?
This is where
it all started.
Okay, now, sweetie.
what's the golden rule?
"It's just as easy
to marry a rich man
"as it is to marry
a poor one."
Good girl.
See, it's not really your
fault you're so shallow.
You were just taught
from a very young age.
Oh, so we're blaming all
my problems on my mother?
Well, guess what,
I'm nothing like her.
Are you kidding?
You're exactly like her.
Hey, Sloane. Can I talk
to you for a second?
Hi, Darin,
what's up?
You know the Snowflake
Formal is next week...
I know,
I can't wait.
Yeah, me neither.
Oh, are you going?
No. I mean, not yet.
I mean, I want to.
Which is why I'm here.
See, I've always
really liked you...
Oh, my God,
here comes me!
Oh, my God,
here comes Brad.
Hey, Sloane, want to
go to the dance?
I was hoping you'd ask.
Dude, you totally
crotch-blocked him.
That was sweet.
Take a picture,
it'll last longer.
Who was that guy?
So, are you going to
rent a limo?
Totally.
See that?
This was the first time
you left a guy hanging when
someone better came along.
Not the last, though.
I cannot believe
Mike finally called you!
I know!
Okay, I've been crushing
on him for, like, ever.
So I need to wear
something hot,
maybe a little bit slutty,
so that when we go out...
He'll want to stay in.
Exactly!
Yes!
Okay, what do you
have in mind?
Okay, ideally, I would
like to find something
exactly like your
worship-me dress.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
But under 10 bucks.
Oh, what?
I know. I maxed out my Visa
getting a plane ticket home,
so I am broke.
Well, luckily for you, I know a
little store called Sloane's Closet.
And I think you'll find exactly
what you want in there.
You'll let me borrow
your worship-me dress?
Although, I'm sure if
you're wearing the dress,
I'm gonna have to keep the dorm
room cleared out for the night.
Shut up.
You know, you're really
lucky you have Patrick
because he would worship you
even if you were in a paper bag.
I am pretty lucky,
aren't I?
Oh, well, speaking of
clearing out...
Hi.
Oh, hey, babe.
Hey.
Hi, Jenny.
Hi, Patrick.
Oh, how sweet. It's the
guy you dumped me for!
I dumped you because
I was going to college
and you were staying back
to work in a tollbooth.
See? Trading up.
Okay, I'm gonna go.
Bye.
Bye.
Okay, colored lights
or red lights on the tree?
Colored. And blinking.
With at least one
strand burned out.
All right, it's my turn now.
Christmas ham or Christmas turkey?
Turkey. Duh!
Ham is for Easter.
Never let my grandma
hear you say that.
She'll clobber you
with her basting spoon.
I'm not kidding.
All right, all right.
Frosty or Rudolph?
The Grinch!
Me, too!
Oh, I've got one.
Okay.
Letters to Santa...
Hmm.
...or sitting on Santa's lap
telling him what you want?
Oh, the lap, definitely.
Well, I always figured I'd have a
way better shot at convincing him
to bring me the pony
if I asked him in person.
Well, yeah,
that never happened.
Well, here's
your chance.
Go on, hop on up there.
One lap, no waiting.
Yeah, but that's for the kids.
I'm way too old.
No, no, you're not.
Come on, it'll be fun.
Tell Santa to hear your
Christmas wish list.
You know what? I've already
got exactly what I want.
Come on.
Hey!
Let's go, buddy.
Okay, smile.
Cute, Santa.
Merry Christmas.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
This picture
is adorable.
Looks like you guys
were in love.
I never said
we weren't.
Then how could you
let this happen?
What'd you do, sneak out in
the middle of the night?
No. I waited till
he went off to class,
and then I packed up my car.
Come on. He was going off
to medical school in Iowa.
What was I going
to do there?
Wear some overalls
and watch the corn grow?
It was unfair of him
to ask me to go with him.
Okay, so you didn't
trade up from a guy,
you traded up
for what?
Glamour?
A bigger paycheck?
Okay, I made a choice.
I'm allowed to breakup
with a guy if I want to.
But you didn't even
have the guts
to tell him in person
you were leaving him?
That's cold, Sloane.
Even for you.
Hey, if I want
the opinion
of some dead B-lister,
I'll ask, okay?
What? Two chicks
fighting is hot.
Okay. What do you
want from me?
He was my college
boyfriend, that's all.
It's not like we were to spend
the rest of our lives together.
He was going
to propose?
I didn't know. How was I
supposed to know that?
You couldn't have.
You didn't stick around
long enough to find out.
It's barely
a quarter carat.
I would have held out
for something better, too.
Oh, you went for something
better, all right.
You made trading up
an art form.
Wait, you slept
with Jason?
You are such a slut!
I like it!
And you traded up
from him to Andrew.
And that's where
I'm going to stay.
No. What's so wrong
with trading up?
The older you get, the more
you know what you want.
But you're not going after
what your heart wants.
All you care about is the shiny
wrappings, not what's inside.
Bull. Andrew's everything
I've been looking for.
He's powerful, ambitious,
well-connected.
His family practically
built Hollywood.
Plus, he's got an ass you just
want to sink your teeth into.
Oh, yes, he does.
I'm not trading him in
for anyone.
Hmm. But would he say
the same thing about you?
No doubt.
You're not the only one looking
for the shiniest penny.
What do you think he's doing all those
late nights when he's not with you?
Meeting with clients.
Yeah, blonde clients
willing to do anything
to break
into Hollywood.
You're lying.
Nice nap?
You know, I only got
two hours of sleep,
because of you and your
damn ghost parade.
He was lying,
wasn't he?
I thought you knew.
I mean,
everybody knows.
Did you and Andrew...
Ew! No! He's like 30.
Gross.
Jeez, Sloane,
you look exhausted.
You didn't let any clients
see you like that, did you?
The hell?
What was that for?
The blonde!
Which blonde?
There was more than one?
SLlieve
you cheated on me.
Sloane, it was one time
and she meant nothing to me.
I can't even remember
Sarah's name!
Sarah?
Sarah, Debra...
Whatever.
Look, please give me a chance
to make this up to you.
We've got our reservations
at Panache tonight.
Let's go out,
you and me,
and just spend some time
together, out of the office.
Let's not let my little mistake turn
into a tragedy by losing our table.
Little mistake?
The only mistake I made
was trusting you.
And those reservations
are mine.
I'm going to dinner
and you can't come.
Sloane...
What the...
Is that vodka?
Oh, my God, where
did that come from?
I'm sorry, Sloane.
This completely sucks.
I know. I'm never gonna
get that promotion now.
Andrew's father
owns this firm.
Hell, he... He...
Hey!
He practically owns
half of Hollywood.
And now that Andrew and I broke
up, he'll probably fire me.
Might even have
me blacklisted.
Oh, God!
I'm going to have to
move to the Valley.
And do PR for people that are
castmates on Rock of Love.
My life is over!
Yeah, I know
how you feel.
Sorry.
It's fine.
Look, Andrew's a jerk.
You should go out and bang
someone else to get even.
That's what I'd do.
Patrick!
I'm not going to sleep with
Patrick to get back at Andrew.
Okay, well, why not sleep with
Patrick for no reason at all?
Sloane! How you doing?
Uh, good, good.
You know, I am free tonight and I
wanted to see what you're up to.
Uh, you want
to go to dinner,
Panache? 9:00?
Definitely.
See you then.
Mission accomplished!
Hey, Sloane,
I heard you
and Andrew broke up.
Who's winning now?
What a dill weed.
Yeah, screw him.
You know, we'll see who's laughing
when I get that promotion.
Sloane, you know
that Andrew...
Screw him, too!
You know what? He doesn't
decide who gets the VP slot,
his dad does.
And when I show Carl what a kickass
memorial that I can throw,
I will get the promotion whether
I'm dating Andrew or not.
I am loving the new you.
Screw you all!
We've got a party to plan.
Let's go
to your house.
Okay, you have to help me pick out
the most amazing dress to wear
to my memorial.
I want to be
the first person ever
to make it on to the
best-dressed list posthumously.
Sounds like fun.
Um, usually people wear something a little
more conservative in the afterlife.
What did I die of, boredom?
You look like Big Bird.
I think
we have a winner!
Damn! I am
one hot corpse.
Okay, now what?
Well, uh,
now I got to run.
Oh! I'm going to be late to
meet Patrick for dinner.
Okay, you cannot go to
Panache looking like that.
I'm seeing this patient,
little girl,
and she's, uh...
She stuck six string beans all the way
up her nose, just one after the other.
Oh, my God,
what did you do?
I told her
she wasn't eating right.
It's like deja vu, huh?
Us having dinner.
Hmm. Me telling terrible
jokes and you...
Molting.
Okay, it was the
only thing that fit.
I didn't have the time
to find anything to wear.
I've been
a little stressed.
It is a good thing you're
dining with Dr. Love.
Dr. Love?
Well, it's either that
or Dr. Feel-Good.
Drink two of these.
Call me in the morning.
You were always good
at making me laugh.
Yeah?
Yeah, I miss that.
I miss you.
Yeah, well,
I got to be honest.
I was a little nervous
about meeting you tonight.
What? Why?
Ah, 'cause, you know,
what if you'd changed,
and you weren't the same girl
that I'd fell in love with?
What I was really scared of
is what if you hadn't changed
and all those feelings
came rushing back?
Patrick.
Sloane.
Come here.
Sloane!
Andrew? What... What
are you doing here?
Who's this guy?
This is my... boss,
Andrew.
Andrew,
this is Patrick.
Hey, how're you doing?
I was going to wait until
Christmas to do this, but, um...
Okay!
What's going on here?
Patrick, I am so sorry. I have
no idea what he is doing.
Sloane, this morning you told me that
the only way you would take me back
was that if I could prove
that I'm committed to you
and only you.
Is this proof enough?
Marry me.
What? Okay.
I don't know
what to say.
Say yes!
I can't believe
you did all this!
So, what do you say?
Yes!
SLOA Don't you love it?
It's beautiful.
Ah!
Beautiful.
Wow! It's perfect for you.
Are you happy?
I'm ecstatic.
We're getting married!
Sweet!
Still?
I thought you'd be gone.
Crossed over or whatever.
Why would you think that?
'Cause I heeded your warning
and changed my life.
Oh, my God,
it's a glacier!
Congratulations!
Now that is quite an improvement
on the last ring he bought you.
What are you
talking about?
That chip Patrick
bought you in the past.
Caitlin. I didn't choose Patrick.
I chose Andrew.
Well, good choice.
Come on! Look, I'm
going to have it all.
The perfect job, the perfect
husband the perfect life!
Yeah, well,
it won't be perfect.
You know, you haven't
changed your ways at all.
Not at all.
Hanging out by the
ladies' room, loser?
I came to find you.
Why, to congratulate
me on my engagement?
No, because
it's midnight.
So what?
Do you want to tell
her or should I?
Wait, you can see her?
Duh! I'm the last guy
that dumped you.
I dumped you. Whatever
makes you feel better.
Either way, I'm your most
recent ex-boyfriend.
Sloane, meet the Ghost
of Ex-mas Present.
Okay, so you're not
the real Jason,
you're just a spirit
that looks like him.
Bingo. And I get to show you
all the ways your bitchitude
affects those around you.
Ooh, nice one!
Thank you.
Awesome. This is so much more fun
than celebrating with my fiance.
Oh, you want to spend time with
the people you care about?
Well, guess what,
so does everyone else.
Don't cry, baby.
We'll still have
Christmas, just...
a day late.
Because Mommy has to
work on Christmas Day.
Meanie!
I know.
What? We all have to
make sacrifices for work.
But you only make them
when they benefit who?
Oh! You.
Hey, babe.
Sweetie, we should talk about
Christmas bonuses for the staff.
We'll be lucky
to pay them at all.
It's that bad?
It is.
You know,
maybe once Sloane's clients start
using their gift certificates,
business will pick up.
Don't hold your breath.
Oh! Oh, my God,
I forgot.
I'll just take care
of it tomorrow.
You're too late. The firm's
gift bags are packed today.
You missed
your chance.
At least I offered.
Oh, I'm sure that'll
be a comfort to them
when the business
goes under.
We're talking
about Sloane Spencer.
I don't know why you even
bother being friends with her.
She was my roommate
in college.
What do you
want me to do,
just stop speaking
to her altogether?
If that'll stop her
taking you for granted?
Then yes.
Ed...
Oh! That was fun!
You ready to go?
You're going to
be so handsome!
Oh! Hello?
Hey, baby. Bad news.
Uh, my business trip
got extended a few days.
I won't be back
tonight after all.
You're not coming home
for Christmas?
Sorry, Viv, but it's
a million dollar deal.
Tell you what,
buy yourself something pretty,
that'll cheer you up.
Hello again.
Well, she can just
spend the day with me.
I mean, no one wants to
be alone on Christmas.
You're going to be busy
working at Caitlin's party.
Unless you think your mom
is worth skipping it.
No,
I can't skip that,
I'll lose the promotion
for sure.
I'll just see her
on the 26th. Who cares?
Not you.
That's for sure.
I think you need
a little brother.
Purebred, show quality, wildly
expensive little brother.
All right, one more look
at Ex-mas Present to go.
I just heard we're doing six
days on location in Mexico.
Are you happy?
Hell, yeah! I'm ecstatic!
We're getting married!
Sweet!
You're damn right, it's sweet.
It's fantastic.
I don't believe it. He was on
the phone the entire time?
Yep.
Hurts when someone you care
about ignores you, huh?
So, why are you
showing me this?
This isn't me doing anything wrong.
I'm the victim here!
No, you're not.
He is.
Patrick.
God, he left?
Guess he doesn't
like threesomes.
I can't believe I didn't
even notice him leave.
Wait, why are we
watching this?
To try and make you realize that
your actions have consequences.
If you go on treating
people like this,
you're going to
end up alone.
That's what I meant by
changing your ways, Sloane.
Fine. I'll call everyone
and apologize.
It's going to take
more than words, Sloane.
All right. Well, Caitlin's party is
in exactly 33 hours and 10 minutes.
So, once that's done, I'll
make nice with everyone, okay?
Oh! She's going to make
nice with everyone.
Hmm, imagine that.
You just don't
get it, do you?
Hi, Patricagain.
I really need to talk to
you, so can you call me?
Bye.
Still not
calling you back, huh?
Some people are so
inconsiderate these days.
I feel like I haven't
slept in three days.
Well, you've been running around with
ghosts all night, what'd you expect?
I, on the other hand,
feel better rested than I
have in my entire life!
Hmm. Death'll
do that to you.
How you doing, babe?
I'm upset. I got in a
fight with someone,
and I'm not sure how to
make things right with him.
Well, get him a basket of pears
from Harry and David or something.
We can't afford to lose anymore
clients now that Caitlin's gone.
He's not a client. He's...
A guy I knew in college.
Oh! So no biggie.
But it is.
He's my friend.
I think I hurt
his feelings and...
Babe, I'm, I'm sorry. I'm
really under the gun here.
Can we talk
about this later?
Oh, sure, I guess.
I'll tell you what.
Go out and buy yourself something pretty.
It'll cheer you up.
Thanks.
You guys are going to
have an awesome marriage.
Oh, my God.
I am trying, okay?
I can't fix a lifetime's worth
of relationships in one day.
Well, try harder.
Hey, Jenny! It's Sloane.
Hey, sweetie, I've got my hands full.
Can I call you back?
I really need
to talk to you.
What's wrong?
Are you okay?
Yeah, I just...
It's just
I've been thinking.
I know that my work has been taking
up a lot of my attention lately,
and I just wanted
to tell you...
9-1-1!
I need to call you back.
Ella, what's wrong?
I was watching the DVD of
Caitlin's career retrospective
and it includes the COPS episode
where Caitlin got arrested
for shoplifting
herpes medicine.
Okay, that whole thing
was so not my fault.
What? I was gonna pay for it, but
the pharmacy guy was smoking hot!
Okay, you want me to go
over there and be like,
"Hello, can I buy some ointment to
put out the fire in my underpants?"
No! It's humiliating!
Oh, and there's nothing embarrassing
at all about stealing it?
Um...
Are you sure?
'Cause I think it's a
little embarrassing.
We put a copy in every gift bag.
All 2,000 of them.
Oh! I mean, yes.
You're right. Get the gift
bags back, right away.
Got it.
You know, what I want to know is why in
the world would someone that good-looking
become a pharmacist?
Hey, Jenny! It's Sloane again.
I'm really sorry.
Hey! What happened?
Are you okay?
It's just I'm surrounded
by crazy people here at work
and they just won't
leave me alone.
Try being married to Ed!
Okay, he is so stressed out, he's
acting like a total lunatic.
This morning, I literally caught
him talking to a Cornish game hen.
As long as the chicken's
not talking back to him.
Seriously.
But you know what? He's going to
chill out once business picks up
and people start using those gift
certificates you sent out for us.
Oh! The gift certificates.
You didn't send
them out, did you?
Um...
Sloane! You promised!
I know,
and I'm really sorry.
There's just been so much
going on with work.
Did you hear?
You got the promotion!
What?
Sloane?
Uh, Jenny, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to
call you back again,
I'm really, really sorry.
But I need... Sloane!
I got the promotion?
Uh-uh! You gotta be
kidding me, right?
Of course
I'm kidding.
Why would they
promote you?
Listen, you little jerk.
So far today, I've set up visas
with the state department
to allow the Vienna Boys Choir
to perform at the premiere.
I've arranged transpo and housing for
23 of Caitlin's childhood friends.
I just confirmed Lady Gaga
to sing Paparazzi,
Caitlin's favorite song,
and I just negotiated with Elton
John to rewrite Candle in the Wind
to sing at Caitlin's
graveside.
I haven't showered,
I haven't slept,
I've got ex-boyfriends
popping up left and right
and you want to take out your
prepubescent insecurities on me,
to make yourself
feel better?
It was just a joke.
I don't have time
for jokes!
Now, will you
please excuse me.
Oh! Have a productive day.
- Well done.
- Thank you.
I've to call Jenny back.
Yes, you do.
Jenny! It's me again.
Oh, hey, Sloane. Can you
hold on just a second?
She hung up on me.
What? Brad was right.
Chick fights are hot.
Maybe you should send
her a basket of pears.
11:30.
It's almost Christmas,
you know.
If you want to make
things right with Patrick,
you kind of
need to do it now.
Where do you
think I'm going?
Hey, man.
It is really, really late, and you
need some sleep so Santa can come.
All right?
Did you hear that?
I think I just heard
reindeer on the rooftop.
Close your eyes. Come on.
Gotta get some sleep.
Goodnight, buddy.
Patrick? Uh...
Patrick! Wait!
What?
I wanted to explain to
you about last night.
No, that's okay,
I understand.
I mean, what, we've
been apart for years.
It would be silly for me to think
that you hadn't met somebody else
in all this time, but
what I don't understand
is why you felt the need to
flaunt it in front of me.
Flaunt it?
What do you mean?
We were on a date.
And you left in the middle of that date
to get... Oh, what was that? Engaged!
What kind of a person
does that?
Look, you don't
understand.
I thought that Andrew
and I had broken up.
He cheated on me,
see, so I called you...
To get back at him?
Kind of.
Who are you?
Excuse me?
Who are you?
I'm me, Sloane, the same girl that
you fell in love with in college.
No, no, you see, that Sloane,
she was warm and funny
and she cared
a lot about people.
You're nothing like her.
I can never fall in love
with a girl like you now.
That's a terrible
thing to say.
Yeah, well.
The truth hurts.
Wait.
Where are you going?
Home.
You're not going to go straighten
things out with Patrick?
No. He made it
clear how he feels.
If he changes his mind,
he knows where to find me.
Sloane, he was just mad.
I'm sure
if you talk to him,
he'll know that you're not as
horrible a person as you seem.
Thank you.
Come on, you know
what I mean.
Look, you have to go back there
and apologize to Patrick.
Only thing I need to do is go over the
invites for the final list for the party.
Seriously?
After all that, you're
still putting work first?
It's all I have left.
Merry Christmas...
Sloane.
Midnight.
You? You mean, you're the
Ghost of Ex-mas Yet To Come?
Really? 'Cause I'm pretty
sure I never banged Santa.
Actually, that sounds like
something Caitlin would do.
Where did she go?
She can't come
on this one.
Her future ended
the moment she died.
But she will be there when I
wake from this, in the morning.
What? Why not?
She's gone.
But she can't be
gone for good. I...
I'm not ready.
You do realize that
Caitlin is dead, right?
Whether she leaves now or
later, she is gone forever.
But I never got
to say goodbye.
Well, you had plenty of chances.
You just wasted them all.
Well, aren't you jolly!
It is time to go see what
your future holds, Sloane.
No, I really don't have
the time for this.
I'm afraid you don't have
much time left, period.
It is now officially
Christmas Day.
Your future is
about to be sealed,
and once it is,
you can't change it.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Okay,
I'm heading out now.
Are you sure you wouldn't like to come
join my family for Christmas dinner?
I hate the thought of
leaving you here all alone.
I won't be alone. I'm spending
Christmas with my daughter.
But she couldn't come visit this year.
Remember?
What are you talking about?
Sloane is right here.
Sloane? Sloane?
Where are you?
Where is she? Where's my daughter?
Sloane? Sloane!
Oh! There she is!
Bad girl! Bad girl.
Wandering away
from Mommy!
See? We always spend
Christmas together.
Merry Christmas, Vivian.
Merry Christmas!
Say Merry Christmas, Sloane!
Merry Christmas.
Holy crap.
She's gone insane!
No, she hasn't.
She thinks
that dog is me.
I mean, she always referred
to them as my brothers,
but as far as I knew, she
understood that I'm a human being.
If she's not crazy,
then what is she?
Lonely.
That's my little girl.
Oh, you had me
so worried.
Never leave Mommy. Never.
After her
fifth husband...
Larry's
her fourth husband.
I know.
Carlos is her fifth.
And after he moves out,
she will fall apart.
And since you certainly can't be
bothered with caring for her,
she becomes obsessed
with dogs,
whom she knows
love her unconditionally.
Okay, this is ridiculous.
And you sound like an idiot
speaking in the future tense.
That's because
it's your future.
Come on.
Oh, you had me so worried.
Never leave Mommy. Never.
Hey.
Hey.
Good lord,
what's she wearing?
When the restaurant
went out of business,
the only job she could find was waiting
tables at the local Applebee's.
Oh, okay, I refuse to
take the blame for that.
Sloane sent us a card.
Want to see it?
No.
Okay, that was harsh.
We're supposed to
be friends.
But you never
acted like one.
Jenny got tired of always
being rejected by you,
so she just gave up.
Sooner or later,
everyone does.
Oh, we're visiting
Patrick now?
Awesome. I can't wait to see how he's
stopped caring about me now, too.
No, we're not going
to visit Patrick.
Actually, after you walked
away from him tonight,
you will never
see him again.
But I thought you said
he still loves me.
He does. But you don't
care about love anymore.
Do you?
Okay, screw you, Santa! Of course
I care about love. I'm engaged.
So that means
that you're lying.
And if you guys are my exes, and
I'm getting married to Andrew,
then I'm not going to
have a future ex-boyfriend.
Wrong again.
How can you be my ex?
I thought we get married.
Yes, we do.
We also get divorced.
What? Why?
Well, we wanted
different things.
You wanted power and prestige.
And I wanted...
The blonde.
Oh, can the theatrics. In the end,
we both got exactly what we wanted.
What do you mean?
You take half my assets
in the divorce.
Half my clients, half my company.
You're set for life.
Come on,
I'll show you.
You can afford
the best of everything.
Much better. Yes.
If we're not here
to see Patrick,
then what are
we doing here?
Where are we going?
To see what all of your money and
promotions and power got you.
Is that...
Is that me?
It is.
But I look so young.
Where are my flowers? Where
are my visitors? Why...
Why am I all alone?
Because this is the way
you've chosen to live.
No, no.
I didn't choose this.
I never chose
to be alone.
But this is
what you got.
All of your wealth,
success...
It comes to nothing.
It doesn't have to
happen like this.
I'll change.
It's too late, Sloane.
No! I can fix this!
It hasn't happened yet!
It's too late.
You've already
made your choice.
That ring is
on your finger.
Patrick's heart
is already broken.
Caitlin is in the ground.
Christmas is over.
Please! Please don't
let this happen to me!
Caitlin?
Where are you?
Caitlin!
God, why are you
shouting?
I thought for sure
you would be gone.
No. The future's not
quite here yet.
What day is it?
It's Christmas.
Morning.
It's not too late?
I'm not too late?
I can fix things?
Yes, but you
have to hurry.
Right.
No, Sloane,
where are you going?
The party's this way.
Sloane, come on! We cannot
be late for my party!
I know, I know.
I gotta find something.
It's really,
really important!
More important than my party?
I don't think so.
Sloane! This is my night.
It's all about me.
Is that it?
This is it.
Okay. Let's go!
Hey, Andrew, I need to get
a couple of things done
before the party, so I'll just
meet you there, okay? Bye.
Does dinner come
with a show?
Merry Christmas!
Hey!
Happy Holidays!
You didn't get
a second puppy?
The breeder didn't have any males,
and Schatzi wants a little brother.
How did you know
about that?
It doesn't matter.
All that matters
is that I'm here.
I didn't think
I'd see you today.
Of course
I'd come see you.
It's Christmas, we should
spend it together.
I love you, Mom.
Huh.
Well, I love
you too, sweetie.
Okay, now get
yourself together,
'cause we are
going to a party!
Oh! Can I bring your
little brother?
Oh, Mom,
don't call him that.
But, yes, you can.
Your sister's taking
us to a party.
I knew you'd come!
I knew it!
Thank you for not
giving up on me.
Never!
And you brought
your mom!
I hope you don't mind me showing
up without an invitation.
The more the merrier!
Get your butt in here.
I thought you had
to work today.
I do. Uh, but I just wanted
to swing by here first.
To drop off your mom.
And to apologize for the
way that I've treated you.
I've been losing
a lot of friends lately,
and I couldn't stand
if I lost you, too.
Never. You're not getting
rid of me that easily.
Okay, I'm going to be
back as soon as I can.
I just need to go take care
of your Christmas present.
But you already got me
that sweet baseball cap.
Your real present.
You're thinking
what I'm thinking?
I am.
Yeah.
I will see you later.
Okay, bye.
Okay. Hurry back!
Hello.
Hey! What are you
doing here?
You told me
we were working today.
No, no.
You know what?
Take the rest
of the day off.
Really?
Yeah, it's Christmas.
Go home and be
with your daughter.
Son. Max.
Sorry!
I'll see you on Monday.
We already pulled all the
incriminating DVDs of Caitlin.
Oh, good. Then there'll
be space for these.
Hey, I need you to put one of
these in every single gift bag.
It's very important.
Okay.
What are those?
Oh, gift certificates.
Just trying to help a friend's
new restaurant take off.
We'll have every celebrity
in town in there
and that ought
to do it.
That's really
nice of you.
Wow, you just
called me nice.
That's never
happened before.
Can I still go home?
Of course.
Merry Christmas! Go!
Sloane! You gotta admit,
the camera loves me.
You think Caitlin's somewhere,
watching all of this?
Oh, yeah.
Definitely.
And I think
she's loving it.
I'm coming to you
live from the red carpet
at the Snow Angel
premiere party,
where all of Hollywood has
turned out in all its glamour
to honor the memory
of one of their own.
It is a moving tribute
to a fallen star.
But don't you dare
touch that remote
because we've got
this beautiful life,
cut way too short,
covered from every imaginable
angle, right here on SHOWBIZ.
Whoo! It's going
to be a fun night.
There you are!
I need
to talk to you.
And I need
to talk to you,
Ms. Vice President!
Oh, you mean
I got the promotion?
I just got word
from my dad.
Oh, my God!
That is amazing!
Congratulations.
Uh, but that... It's gonna
make this even harder.
What?
Oh, God, uh,
how do I say this?
Uh, my whole life,
I was taught that
relationships are based
on what the other
person can do for you.
Right.
Financially, emotionally,
or in your career.
Mmm-hmm.
But I realize
how wrong that is.
It's not about what
someone can do for you,
it's about how they make you
feel when you're with them,
or how you both feel.
Absolutely.
I don't want to feel
like an accessory.
I don't blame you.
I need someone that can be
there for me emotionally,
that listens to me and loves
me the way that I love him.
Andrew? Andrew!
Andrew!
Yeah, babe.
Of course.
I'm sorry.
Oh, come on, Sloane.
Mmm-mmm.
I couldn't resist. Once
more for old times' sake.
So, mission
accomplished, huh?
Did you get
your wings?
Actually, it's more
like a pitchfork.
No!
I'm kidding.
Yes, I'm all set.
So, then I guess
this is goodbye?
And you're gonna
be okay?
You kidding?
Heaven has an open bar!
And Heath Ledger
and James Dean...
Yeah, sounds like
heaven to me.
You know, I think that you're
going to find a guy down here
who's almost as perfect.
Well, um,
I guess I'll be off.
Sloane, thank you
for everything.
No, I should
be thanking you.
You gave me
a whole new life.
Well, goodbye.
Bye.
Excuse me.
I heard about the promotion
and I just wanted to say
there's no freaking way
I'm bringing you coffee.
Ever.
How about tea?
Deal.
I'm out of here.
Wait. You're leaving?
Where are you going?
To get a life.
Patrick.
Patrick, um...
I'm so sorry.
For what?
For everything.
For what I said
at the hospital,
for letting you leave the
restaurant when Andrew showed up,
for running away instead
of taking your ring
and becoming your wife.
How do you know
about that?
I... I just know.
Most of all, I'm sorry that
it has taken me until now
to realize
how I feel about you,
when, inside, I've
known it all along.
I'm not that horrible girl that
you saw at the restaurant,
at least, not anymore.
I'm me, the Sloane
you knew in college,
and I would love the chance
to reintroduce you to her.
She used to look
something like this.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe that you
kept this all these years.
Of course I did.
It's a present from
the man that I love.
Merry Christmas, babe.
Thank you.
Hey, Vivian.
Oh, my darling,
you look so good.
You look beautiful.
Haven't changed a bit.
I'm so glad
you're here.
Me, too.
- Get back over there.
- Get back over there.
You got her, now,
don't lose her.
I'm going, I'm going!
Did I ever tell you the story
about my three marriages?
My first husband, he was
tall, and I was in love.
My second husband, he was
short, but he was rich.
And my third husband,
well, who knows,
he might be under the
table right now.
Are you married?
Merry Ex-mas, Caitlin.
Merry Christmas,
everyone.
Merry Christmas.
Hello?
Hey Aaron,
it's Sloane Spencer.
I was calling to check
on the arrangements
for the Snow Angel
premiere party.
Sloane, darling. It's
going to be exquisite.
Valhalla.
We're going to have
100 white doves
preset in cages
over the entrance.
So when Caitlin Quinn arrives,
we'll release them!
Picture it. The Snow Angel
with all those gorgeous white birds
swooping around her. Spectacular!
Wow.
I know, right?
Now, just one question.
Sure.
What happens when
you stick those birds
next to hot lights for
a couple of hours?
Hmm?
They die, brain trust!
It's like sticking them
in a rotisserie.
Do you want a hundred
charred, roasted birds
plummeting down on
the star of our movie?
No. I didn't think...
Damn right,
you didn't think!
Now, you have exactly
one hour to call me back
with ideas for a
premier event
that doesn't belong in
a Stephen King novel.
Javier, find me some
heat-resistant doves.
Right away.
Hey, you can't park here.
That's a handicapped spot.
Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
Sloane!
We were starting to think you
were gonna take the day off.
Not at all. I figured you'd like a
latte to get you through the morning.
You read my mind.
So, how's the Snow Angel's
party coming along?
Awesome. It is gonna be the biggest
thing to ever happen on Christmas Day.
Except for the whole Jesus
being born thing, right?
It's gonna be
bigger than that.
Exactly. Where are we
with the press?
Well, I've got phone calls out
to all the major networks.
I'm just waiting
for confirmation...
Wait, they haven't confirmed yet?
This party is in three days!
I know when the party is.
And I'll make sure
the networks are there.
You know, I'd be happy to pitch
in, make some calls myself,
if Sloane's feeling
overwhelmed...
I'm not. Thank you. I've got
everything under control.
Even Caitlin?
Of course.
Sloane?
We've got
a problem.
Caitlin?
I know you!
Oh, God!
She's drunk. Again.
Oh, ho, ho!
Is she trying to
tank her career?
I shouldn't have had
that fifth margarita.
Oh, dear!
All right,
we're going. Come with me.
Caitlin Quinn does not make enough
money to behave this badly.
One of you two...
I'm on it.
I'll make sure
they take it down.
Great.
Anything I can do
to help?
Yeah. Can you get me
a Red Bull?
I'll take one, too.
Thank God you're here, so I don't
have to deal with this idiotic...
Caitlin! Can you believe they
sold that video to the tabloids?
Stupid elves, always
looking to make a buck.
I need you to fix this!
I know, I know.
It's an elf thing.
You're the victim here.
But don't you worry,
'cause Sloane is gonna take
care of everything, all right?
All right.
This is cold.
Sweetie, listen.
You know we all love you,
but you gotta stop
doing stuff like this.
Like what?
Let me see.
Attacking Heidi Montag
at the VMAs.
She provoked me.
Getting arrested for smuggling
drugs across the Mexican border?
They were diet pills.
Two hundred of them?
The camera adds
10 pounds.
Okay, what about shoplifting
a $4,000 coat from Prada?
Look, I told you,
I wasn't shoplifting.
I was just so drunk that
I forgot I'd tried it on.
Oh, okay, I guess I should
have told the public that.
Look. Caitlin.
You're starring in
a family movie now,
and believe it or not, there is
such thing as bad publicity.
Snow Angel, it can make
or break your career.
If you blow this,
you might not get
another chance.
So you might want to be just
a little bit more careful
with the way you present
yourself to others.
Like now,
for instance.
Caitlin!
Hmm?
Oh, I'll put it back.
The story's contained and
Caitlin promised to lay low
until after the
movie's released.
It's good work, Sloane.
It's really good work.
Good enough to get me
the promotion to VP?
I don't know,
that's a big step.
Well, you are the son of
the firm's president.
Is there anything
that I can do to help
influence that
decision?
Like this?
Or maybe this, or...
...this?
Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
Well, that works
for me.
Just promise me you won't try to
influence my dad the same way.
Are you
coming over later?
It'll be a lot later. I've got
a client meeting tonight.
But I'll tell you what, why don't
I take you out tomorrow night
and we'll celebrate your victory in
handling this whole Caitlin mess.
And we'll go someplace special.
Like, say, Panache?
Really?
That would be amazing!
I've been dying
to go there.
I know. So, why don't you call them
and get us some reservations. Okay?
Will do.
Okay, that's my girl.
I talked Caitlin
off the ledge.
Oh, it's a
Christmas miracle!
Well, Andrew
thought so.
You know, I stopped
caring about who you date
exactly two seconds
after I dumped you.
First of all,
I dumped you.
Second, it's just pitifully
obvious how jealous you are
that I'm gonna get get the
VP slot instead of you.
I think it takes more than sleeping
with the boss to get a promotion.
Yeah, it's gonna take turning the Snow
Angel party into the event of the decade.
Once I do that, I'm
a shoo-in for VP.
I'll get the best clients,
the corner office,
bonus, use of
the company jet,
basically everything you ever
wanted, and that makes you crazy.
It's not a contest,
you know.
Oh, yes, it is.
And I'm winning.
Let's go in here. Ooh!
I need to decide what Larry's
buying me for Christmas!
Ooh, that one
would look stunning
with the red dress that I'm wearing
at brunch on Christmas morning.
I wish you were there to see it.
I told you, I have to
work all day Christmas.
Of course. I just...
We used to have so much fun
on Christmas mornings.
Getting all dressed up, posing for
pictures by the Christmas tree.
Remember?
Of course I do.
Oh, I know. Have Larry take a
picture of you and email it to me.
Will do.
I'll see that one, please.
Certainly, madam.
Here, hold your brother.
Mom, please
don't call him that.
Now, how come Larry isn't getting
you your present himself?
He's in Cleveland on
business till the 24th.
He doesn't have
time to shop.
Pretty.
Pretty expensive!
The more it costs, the more
Larry knows he loves me.
That's not very romantic.
Darling, men come and go,
but diamonds are forever.
You want one? Yeah?
I think your brother
wants one.
Please don't call him that.
Hey, Jenny! I know
you're gonna be shocked.
I'm late. Again.
I'll see you in five.
Oh, my God,
this is fantastic!
It is a chestnut tartlet
with a tangelo glaze.
Hey, it's insane.
Your customers must
eat this up.
Well, they would,
if we had any.
It's probably slow
'cause of the holiday.
And I would eat this
every day.
Good. I'm thinking about making it
for Christmas dinner on Saturday.
Oh, about dinner...
You can't come.
I'm sorry,
I have to work.
On Christmas Day?
Oh, Sloane Spencer
makes a rare appearance.
It's a Christmas miracle!
Merry Christmas, Ed.
What's up
with Scrooge?
He's worried about money.
We both are.
I don't know why I ever thought
it would be a good idea
to open
a restaurant in LA.
Uh, because you're an amazing chef.
Always have been.
You know, you're the
reason for my freshman 15.
Oh, come on!
Who knew that truffle oil was so
good on top of mac and cheese.
My specialty.
And once people realize how
irresistible your food is,
you're gonna have a line
outside the door.
Actually, I wanted to
talk to you about that.
I know that people would love this
place, if they'd ever heard of it.
But I just don't know
how to get the word out.
So, I was hoping that
maybe you could help me,
since you are the best
publicist in the entire city.
Flattery will get you
everywhere.
Okay, what this place
needs is star power.
Okay. We'll get the
celebrities in here,
we'll get the paparazzi out there, and
you'll get a full house, guaranteed.
Do you still have those gift certificates
left over from the grand opening?
They're in
the storeroom.
Oh! Could you give them to
some of your famous clients?
No.
I'll give them to all
my famous clients.
I'll put them inside
our company gift bags,
and I promise you,
by New Year's,
this will be the hottest
place in Hollywood.
Oh, my gosh!
Thank you so much!
You have no idea...
Oh, hold on,
hold on.
Hey, Aaron.
I'll go get the
gift certificates.
Yeah, you better be calling
me with some good news,
or you will be singing
Christmas carols as a soprano!
Hi, Caitlin. What's up?
Hey, hey. Okay.
Do you know if you need a
passport to go out in the ocean,
since technically
you're leaving the States?
Oh, God. Caitlin, what have
you gotten yourself into now?
Nothing, nothing. I just met this
awesome guy who owns a yacht
and he's taking me sailing!
Caitlin, no.
Do not get on the boat.
Promise me.
Oh, my gosh, it's not a
boat, Sloane, it's a yacht!
Promise me!
Fine. I promise.
Okay, we just
talked about this.
You promised to not get
into any trouble until...
I said fine,
party-pooper!
Here you go!
Hello? Caitlin?
Sweetie, it's a bad connection.
Call me back.
I swear, if you're calling me
from the middle of the Pacific,
I will swim out there
and drown you myself.
- Hello? Caitlin? Hello?
- Hello? Hello?
Hello?
Sloane. Sloane. Sloane.
Sloane.
Caitlin?
Hello? Sloane.
Sloane. Hello? Sloane.
Hello?
Hello? Sloane.
Sloane. Sloane.
Oh, my God, shut up. Shut up!
Sloane.
Caitlin! Jeez! Oh, my...
You scared me to death!
How did you get in here?
Sloane Spencer,
time is running out.
You must change your
ways or pay the price.
Oh, my God.
How good was that?
You know, I should have
totally won Best Actress
at the Teen Choice
Awards last year.
Stupid Dakota Fanning.
Okay. you know what,
sit down. Sit down.
What happened? Did you break up
with a boyfriend or something?
Oh, God, please don't tell
me there's a sex tape.
This isn't about me, Sloane,
it's too late for me.
But you still have a chance.
A chance for what?
Not to die alone.
Okay, are you drunk?
No!
Okay, maybe a little.
I mean, I only had,
like, one, two, four...
That bottle.
You know what,
that's not the point.
For the next
three nights,
you will be visited by three
ghosts at the stroke of midnight.
Three ghosts? You mean like
Dickens' three ghosts?
Exactly. They're gonna give you
your only shot at redemption.
Okay, here's what
we're gonna do.
You're gonna
go home now,
and tomorrow morning,
we're going to go see about
getting you some
professional help, okay?
It'll be completely
confidential.
Promise.
I'm not the one who
needs help, Sloane.
All right, that's it. I put up with a
lot with my clients, but I've never...
How did you do that?
Listen to me, Sloane.
Listen to me!
Go away!
Get out of my house!
Babe, are you okay?
Yes. Yes. I am.
The craziest thing
just happened. Caitlin...
Oh, God,
you haven't heard.
Heard what?
Turn on your TV.
Quinn was dancing on this
spot earlier this evening
when she apparently
choked to death
on an olive while
drinking her martini.
Too bad it wasn't
an apple martini,
or she'd be alive today.
Back to you.
Thank you.
Hi, I was told Caitlin
Quinn was brought here?
Are you family?
I'm her publicist.
Sloane.
Oh, my God.
Sloane Spencer.
Come here.
Patrick? Oh, my God!
I can't believe it!
How many years
has it been?
Too many.
I'm so happy to see you.
What are you doing here?
I work here.
What are you doing here?
What, are you sick?
No, I'm here to see
one of my clients.
Caitlin Quinn?
Come on.
I'll take you to her.
Wow. It's good to see you.
You, too.
I just had to see
for myself.
I can't believe it.
She's dead.
I told her to stop getting
into so much trouble.
Hey, you can't
blame yourself.
No, you don't
understand.
Her movie premiere
is in three days!
I know. It's hard to lose someone so
young, with so much ahead of them.
This is a nightmare.
I'll give you some
time alone with her.
Say your goodbyes.
Do you think that gurney
makes me look fat?
No. No, no, no, no.
This is impossible.
You're dead!
That is your body.
Yeah, draped in the
tackiest sheets ever.
What is this, polyester?
All right.
This isn't happening.
Seriously.
They need to swap this out for Egyptian
cotton before anyone else views me.
No, no, no, no, no.
You aren't happening.
How could you be talking
to me if you're dead?
I'll give you a hint.
Boo!
You're...
You're a ghost?
Yup. Just like Marley from
A Christmas Carol.
Okay, no. This isn't real. You're dreaming.
You're dreaming.
Wake up, Sloane!
Wake up!
You awake now?
Sloane?
What's the matter?
You're covered in sweat.
Are you okay?
I see dead people.
I've heard you have your first
psychotic break in your early 20's.
Do you think that's
what's happening to me?
No. You're not crazy.
I promise.
I had a conversation
with a dead celebrity.
It was a hallucination, a
reaction to your friend dying.
Oh, no,
we weren't friends.
Okay, still. Stress
messes with the head.
It makes you see things
that aren't there.
So you don't
believe in ghosts?
Sure I do.
Really?
Absolutely. When I was
in the tenth grade,
we had this seance
at a slumber party,
and I promise you the Ouija
board moved on its own.
It said that Christina Aguilera
was gonna go to the prom with me.
She didn't, but that's not
the Ouija board's fault.
Sloane! Come on.
Wake up!
You don't need an exorcist.
You need just a vacation.
I know! I need to just
chuck everything and
lie on a beach in
the middle of Hawaii.
I should be able to get off
of work sometime in January
of 2018.
Yeah, you know what,
Sloane, you're right.
Who needs Hawaii
when you can have
LA traffic,
dead celebrities.
Hmm. Impending
schizophrenia?
I've missed you.
Whose fault is that?
You didn't have to leave.
Yes, I did. It was med school.
It was my dream.
What else was
I supposed to do?
I know. I just... You
could have come with me.
In fact, I thought
you were coming with me.
I couldn't.
Could you imagine me,
stuck out in the middle of
nowhere, working as a cashier
at a Pick 'n Save, while
you're at your classes?
What kind of life
would that have been?
You better get that.
I guess I better.
I know, I know. You're
startled by my good looks.
Okay. You are not
really here.
No, no. This is a figment
of my imagination,
caused by too
much stress.
Who are you trying to
convince here, you or me?
Leave me alone!
Damn. Does he
do Pilates? Yum.
Go away!
Wow! That's a nice way
to start the day.
No. I mean, yes, maybe later.
Go back to sleep.
Mmm. I can't breathe.
Honey?
That never gets old.
What do you want?
I told you. I was sent
to give you a warning.
"Change your ways,
or suffer the consequences."
Sent by who? God?
The universe?
Freaking Tom Cruise?
Yeah, I wasn't really
paying attention.
Why not?
I thought I saw
Michael Jackson.
Morning, babe.
A little early for
vodka, don't you think?
It's not mine. It's hers.
It's Caitlin's.
Yeah. He can't see me,
you know.
Look.
Uh...
It's in...
It's in honor
of Caitlin.
Doesn't seem like
she's really gone.
Oh, honey. I can't
believe it either.
She was so young
and full of life and...
Hey, coffee's ready!
The good news is, I have
decided to put you in charge
of Caitlin's
memorial service.
Yes!
Uh, so how is
that good news?
Pulling off a good funeral is like
the litmus test for a PR agent.
Yup. This could get you a
lock on that promotion.
Sure can. And since you're already
working on the premiere party,
it'll be cake.
Cake.
Besides, I only deal
with living clients.
Dead ones don't
generate revenue.
What a jerk!
Ooh! That was
kind of fun.
Don't!
Don't what?
Um...
Put your coffee cup
on the counter, please.
Wow. Okay.
I've got an early meeting,
so I'm gonna run,
but I will see you
at the office.
Okay, you've had your fun,
you've given me your warning, will
you just please go away, already?
Sorry.
Garlic? I'm a ghost,
Sloane, not a vampire.
You're a pain in the ass!
Now, get out!
Mmm, I don't think so.
Until you actually heed my
warning, you're stuck with me.
Okay, I'll heed your
warning right now.
Just tell me what
I gotta do.
Change your ways.
Change...
Change them how?
To be better.
Okay. What do you need me to do?
Specifically.
See, that's the other thing. I was in the
bathroom when they explained that part.
Tiny bladder.
This is so unfair.
You die, and I'm in hell.
Nice apartment.
Oh! Hold the
elevator, please.
Oh, sir, your briefcase!
What the...
Wait, wait.
Hey!
Morning.
Are you sure you don't want
to just wait in my office?
By myself? Yawn.
Fine. Not a word.
Really nice work, guys.
That's exactly the kind of event
that we were looking for.
So sorry I'm late,
everyone, I was
dealing with Caitlin
all morning.
We were just getting to her.
Have a seat.
Hey! Respect for
the dead, missy!
You do realize this party needs to go
on as planned, Caitlin or no Caitlin.
Yes, of course.
I'm on top of it.
Oh, really? Because you missed your
meeting with the caterers this morning.
Oh, my God.
I completely forgot.
Don't worry. I will go
call them right now.
Sit back down.
Jason already handled it.
You're welcome.
Now, even though
our client has expired
before fulfilling her
three picture deal,
she can still
generate revenue.
I remember '63...
Oh, Carl!
Your old wrinkled hands
would feel so good
on my young, firm...
Back off!
I'm so bored.
I thought we were going to be
talking about my memorial.
It's not a memorial,
it's a party.
Sloane, you have
something to add?
Well, since they're doing a
memorial service for Caitlin...
For Caitlin.
And since we're handling
the premiere party
why don't we just
combine them
to make them
one big event?
Her tragedy...
Her tragedy will become
a brilliant photo op.
That is a great idea!
You know, movie stars
love opportunities
to make the public think they
actually care about people,
and if we spin this right, we could get
every A-lister in town to show up.
What do you think, Dad?
I love it! We'll turn Caitlin's
death into a gold mine!
That's exactly what Caitlin
would have wanted.
We'll make Saturday an
all-day media extravaganza.
It will be the biggest
PR event of the year.
Oh, yeah.
I'm gonna need everyone to work
overtime between now and then, okay?
But Saturday's
Christmas.
You said we could
take the day off.
That was before I decided
I needed you to work.
But we won't get to
see our families.
Our client is dead.
Try and have
a little heart.
All right.
Let's make this happen.
Hey, Sloane.
I know you've got a lot
on your plate right now,
so after I met
with the caterers,
I confirmed the party
with all the networks.
Well, you're just wasting your
time because I already did that.
I was just waiting for them
to call me back, so...
Oh, it wasn't a waste of time.
See, Carl was getting worried,
so I figured somebody
around here needed to
stop waiting
and start doing.
Have a productive day.
Did you see the way that Jason sabotaged
me with that whole catering thing?
He was helping you.
Yeah, right.
There's only one VP slot
opening up in the new year,
and he's trying to
steal it from me.
But he better watch out because
I am going to throw the most
talked about,
star-studded event ever!
Awesome. How?
I have no idea.
Good plan.
I have three days!
Jason's right.
I'm screwed.
Sloane, do you want
to do some yoga?
Yoga?
No, I'm too stressed.
It's just a party.
It was. Now, we got to turn it into
a celebration of your entire life!
Good thing I died young.
I have to make a
career retrospective,
make blowups of the stills of all
the movies that you've been in,
find other stars to make
touching anecdotes about you,
if they even
have one.
And figure out a way to make "death
by cocktail garnish" seem dignified.
It's three days
before Christmas.
No one's in
their office.
And even we don't have direct
numbers to celebrities.
But I do.
What is this thing?
Aluminum man.
You paid money
for this?
Sloane, I'm a movie star.
Disposable income?
All right. Where did you say
I could find these keys?
Under one of those
little rocks.
Uh, yeah.
That's really helpful.
You know, I feel kind of guilty
breaking into your house like this.
Shouldn't your parents be coming
over to take care of your things?
Oh, both my parents
are dead.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Yeah, apparently
it's hereditary.
So, what's going to
happen with your stuff?
You know, maybe I should
give some of it to my charity.
Right. Your charity.
No, seriously.
...as the new spokeswoman
for Project Pearly Whites,
I am thrilled to announce
that we have already donated
over 5,000 tooth-bleaching kits
to the children of Uzbekistan.
They may be refugees, but now they
have something to smile about.
That way, my legacy will live on
in their hearts and gums forever.
Got it!
Wait. How did you...
Hello? Sloane, hey.
It's Patrick.
Patrick. Hi!
Um... What's up?
You know, I know you were
pretty upset last night.
Caitlin seemed like
an awesome girl.
Aw!
I just wanted to make sure
you were doing okay.
Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
I mean, considering.
It's really sweet
of you to call.
I must have seemed like
a total lunatic last night.
Not to me, you didn't.
You still into
country line dancing?
I know this great place
in the valley.
What? Wait, wait, wait. When was I
ever into country line dancing?
Try all through college.
No. Uh-uh.
That was you.
You were into
line dancing.
I only went along with it because
I thought the boots were hot.
Okay.
Well, you know, they also have really
great tacos. You still like those?
Yes, I still like tacos.
All right.
Then how about it, huh?
Say I'll pick you up around,
I don't know, 8:00?
You wear the sexy boots, and I'll
wear the oversized cowboy hat.
Great. I mean...
Yeah. Well, maybe.
You know, I have to
check my schedule.
Can I call you back and
then we'll, you know...
It sounds like a plan.
Oh, great.
Okay, thanks. Bye.
What was that?
What?
Why didn't you make
a date with him?
I'm dating Andrew.
Hello.
Please. Patrick is so
much better than Andrew.
You're just saying that
because he complimented you.
No. I like him
because he's funny,
he's gorgeous and
he smells like cake.
I know. He does, right?
Stop. Anything with Patrick
and I is all in the past.
I'm happy with Andrew.
But Patrick...
Look. You want me to
change my ways?
Well then, help me out with pulling off
this party and getting that promotion,
and that will change
my entire life.
Fine.
There. That ought
to do it.
I have got the phone numbers of
everyone who's anyone in Hollywood.
Now you do, too.
Now don't you feel bad for
yelling at me to go away before?
I do. I'm sorry.
You should be sorry! Sucka!
Okay, I've texted,
emailed, tweeted, and IM-ed
every big name in town.
I... Ah, that's it
for me tonight.
I'm going to go home
and get some sleep.
But it's almost midnight.
So?
I told you.
You are going to be
visited by three ghosts
at the stroke of midnight
for the next three nights.
You know, I really should
have won Best Actress.
Wait, so you mean...
You mean the crap you said in my
apartment last night was true?
What, you think I came
back from the grave
to hook you up
with Brangelina?
I am so not in the mood
to meet Casper tonight.
What? Where are we?
Why are you taking
your shoes off?
Oh, I miss the feeling of
fake grass beneath my toes.
Okay. What in the world
is going on right now?
The clock just
struck 12:00.
Are we ready? Yes, we are!
Yes, yes, yes we do!
We got spirit,
how about you?
Oh, my God, is that...
That looks like Brad!
He was my first
boyfriend.
Well, my first
everything.
You slut!
You! Put! Out!
She! Put! Out!
Okay, but what in the world
is he be doing here?
Well, since I came here to
help you change your ways
by fixing
your love life
instead of the traditional, ordinary,
boring ghosts like they have in Dickens,
I've arranged for you to be visited by
the spirits of three ex-boyfriends.
Wait a minute.
Are you telling me that
Brad is the Ghost of
Christmas Past?
Actually, as your ex-boyfriend,
he's the Ghost of Ex-mas Past!
I have got to cheer.
Merry Ex-Mas!
All right!
That's what
I'm talking about.
Wow! Brad, I can't
believe it's really you.
Oh, my God,
are you dead?
Yes, and it's
because of you.
I guess you can die
from a broken heart.
I'm just kidding! I'm not the
actual Brad that you dated,
I'm just his spirit.
The real Brad you know
is alive and well, I swear.
So why do you
look like him?
To help you emotionally
access your past
because, to you, Brad represents
an idealized view of love.
It took me, like,
an hour to memorize that.
Since you and Brad
dated so long ago,
I thought he'd be the perfect
ex-boyfriend to show you your past.
I know you.
You're in Blood Prom!
You're the one
who got decapitated.
Sorority sister
number two.
That was the first movie
I ever did.
You were awesome
in that.
I saw your boobs.
Congrats.
Ghost of Brad,
meet Ghost of Caitlin.
I hope you don't mind if I
tag along with you guys.
Technically, I'm not supposed to
horn in on the other ghosts' time,
but I got bored.
That's cool, you should stay.
Hang out with us.
Yeah. It'll be a blast!
Yeah, it will.
Ready to get started?
Do I have a choice?
No.
No.
Oh, my God,
that's me and my mom!
Oh, you were so cute.
What happened?
This is where
it all started.
Okay, now, sweetie.
what's the golden rule?
"It's just as easy
to marry a rich man
"as it is to marry
a poor one."
Good girl.
See, it's not really your
fault you're so shallow.
You were just taught
from a very young age.
Oh, so we're blaming all
my problems on my mother?
Well, guess what,
I'm nothing like her.
Are you kidding?
You're exactly like her.
Hey, Sloane. Can I talk
to you for a second?
Hi, Darin,
what's up?
You know the Snowflake
Formal is next week...
I know,
I can't wait.
Yeah, me neither.
Oh, are you going?
No. I mean, not yet.
I mean, I want to.
Which is why I'm here.
See, I've always
really liked you...
Oh, my God,
here comes me!
Oh, my God,
here comes Brad.
Hey, Sloane, want to
go to the dance?
I was hoping you'd ask.
Dude, you totally
crotch-blocked him.
That was sweet.
Take a picture,
it'll last longer.
Who was that guy?
So, are you going to
rent a limo?
Totally.
See that?
This was the first time
you left a guy hanging when
someone better came along.
Not the last, though.
I cannot believe
Mike finally called you!
I know!
Okay, I've been crushing
on him for, like, ever.
So I need to wear
something hot,
maybe a little bit slutty,
so that when we go out...
He'll want to stay in.
Exactly!
Yes!
Okay, what do you
have in mind?
Okay, ideally, I would
like to find something
exactly like your
worship-me dress.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
But under 10 bucks.
Oh, what?
I know. I maxed out my Visa
getting a plane ticket home,
so I am broke.
Well, luckily for you, I know a
little store called Sloane's Closet.
And I think you'll find exactly
what you want in there.
You'll let me borrow
your worship-me dress?
Although, I'm sure if
you're wearing the dress,
I'm gonna have to keep the dorm
room cleared out for the night.
Shut up.
You know, you're really
lucky you have Patrick
because he would worship you
even if you were in a paper bag.
I am pretty lucky,
aren't I?
Oh, well, speaking of
clearing out...
Hi.
Oh, hey, babe.
Hey.
Hi, Jenny.
Hi, Patrick.
Oh, how sweet. It's the
guy you dumped me for!
I dumped you because
I was going to college
and you were staying back
to work in a tollbooth.
See? Trading up.
Okay, I'm gonna go.
Bye.
Bye.
Okay, colored lights
or red lights on the tree?
Colored. And blinking.
With at least one
strand burned out.
All right, it's my turn now.
Christmas ham or Christmas turkey?
Turkey. Duh!
Ham is for Easter.
Never let my grandma
hear you say that.
She'll clobber you
with her basting spoon.
I'm not kidding.
All right, all right.
Frosty or Rudolph?
The Grinch!
Me, too!
Oh, I've got one.
Okay.
Letters to Santa...
Hmm.
...or sitting on Santa's lap
telling him what you want?
Oh, the lap, definitely.
Well, I always figured I'd have a
way better shot at convincing him
to bring me the pony
if I asked him in person.
Well, yeah,
that never happened.
Well, here's
your chance.
Go on, hop on up there.
One lap, no waiting.
Yeah, but that's for the kids.
I'm way too old.
No, no, you're not.
Come on, it'll be fun.
Tell Santa to hear your
Christmas wish list.
You know what? I've already
got exactly what I want.
Come on.
Hey!
Let's go, buddy.
Okay, smile.
Cute, Santa.
Merry Christmas.
Ho! Ho! Ho!
This picture
is adorable.
Looks like you guys
were in love.
I never said
we weren't.
Then how could you
let this happen?
What'd you do, sneak out in
the middle of the night?
No. I waited till
he went off to class,
and then I packed up my car.
Come on. He was going off
to medical school in Iowa.
What was I going
to do there?
Wear some overalls
and watch the corn grow?
It was unfair of him
to ask me to go with him.
Okay, so you didn't
trade up from a guy,
you traded up
for what?
Glamour?
A bigger paycheck?
Okay, I made a choice.
I'm allowed to breakup
with a guy if I want to.
But you didn't even
have the guts
to tell him in person
you were leaving him?
That's cold, Sloane.
Even for you.
Hey, if I want
the opinion
of some dead B-lister,
I'll ask, okay?
What? Two chicks
fighting is hot.
Okay. What do you
want from me?
He was my college
boyfriend, that's all.
It's not like we were to spend
the rest of our lives together.
He was going
to propose?
I didn't know. How was I
supposed to know that?
You couldn't have.
You didn't stick around
long enough to find out.
It's barely
a quarter carat.
I would have held out
for something better, too.
Oh, you went for something
better, all right.
You made trading up
an art form.
Wait, you slept
with Jason?
You are such a slut!
I like it!
And you traded up
from him to Andrew.
And that's where
I'm going to stay.
No. What's so wrong
with trading up?
The older you get, the more
you know what you want.
But you're not going after
what your heart wants.
All you care about is the shiny
wrappings, not what's inside.
Bull. Andrew's everything
I've been looking for.
He's powerful, ambitious,
well-connected.
His family practically
built Hollywood.
Plus, he's got an ass you just
want to sink your teeth into.
Oh, yes, he does.
I'm not trading him in
for anyone.
Hmm. But would he say
the same thing about you?
No doubt.
You're not the only one looking
for the shiniest penny.
What do you think he's doing all those
late nights when he's not with you?
Meeting with clients.
Yeah, blonde clients
willing to do anything
to break
into Hollywood.
You're lying.
Nice nap?
You know, I only got
two hours of sleep,
because of you and your
damn ghost parade.
He was lying,
wasn't he?
I thought you knew.
I mean,
everybody knows.
Did you and Andrew...
Ew! No! He's like 30.
Gross.
Jeez, Sloane,
you look exhausted.
You didn't let any clients
see you like that, did you?
The hell?
What was that for?
The blonde!
Which blonde?
There was more than one?
SLlieve
you cheated on me.
Sloane, it was one time
and she meant nothing to me.
I can't even remember
Sarah's name!
Sarah?
Sarah, Debra...
Whatever.
Look, please give me a chance
to make this up to you.
We've got our reservations
at Panache tonight.
Let's go out,
you and me,
and just spend some time
together, out of the office.
Let's not let my little mistake turn
into a tragedy by losing our table.
Little mistake?
The only mistake I made
was trusting you.
And those reservations
are mine.
I'm going to dinner
and you can't come.
Sloane...
What the...
Is that vodka?
Oh, my God, where
did that come from?
I'm sorry, Sloane.
This completely sucks.
I know. I'm never gonna
get that promotion now.
Andrew's father
owns this firm.
Hell, he... He...
Hey!
He practically owns
half of Hollywood.
And now that Andrew and I broke
up, he'll probably fire me.
Might even have
me blacklisted.
Oh, God!
I'm going to have to
move to the Valley.
And do PR for people that are
castmates on Rock of Love.
My life is over!
Yeah, I know
how you feel.
Sorry.
It's fine.
Look, Andrew's a jerk.
You should go out and bang
someone else to get even.
That's what I'd do.
Patrick!
I'm not going to sleep with
Patrick to get back at Andrew.
Okay, well, why not sleep with
Patrick for no reason at all?
Sloane! How you doing?
Uh, good, good.
You know, I am free tonight and I
wanted to see what you're up to.
Uh, you want
to go to dinner,
Panache? 9:00?
Definitely.
See you then.
Mission accomplished!
Hey, Sloane,
I heard you
and Andrew broke up.
Who's winning now?
What a dill weed.
Yeah, screw him.
You know, we'll see who's laughing
when I get that promotion.
Sloane, you know
that Andrew...
Screw him, too!
You know what? He doesn't
decide who gets the VP slot,
his dad does.
And when I show Carl what a kickass
memorial that I can throw,
I will get the promotion whether
I'm dating Andrew or not.
I am loving the new you.
Screw you all!
We've got a party to plan.
Let's go
to your house.
Okay, you have to help me pick out
the most amazing dress to wear
to my memorial.
I want to be
the first person ever
to make it on to the
best-dressed list posthumously.
Sounds like fun.
Um, usually people wear something a little
more conservative in the afterlife.
What did I die of, boredom?
You look like Big Bird.
I think
we have a winner!
Damn! I am
one hot corpse.
Okay, now what?
Well, uh,
now I got to run.
Oh! I'm going to be late to
meet Patrick for dinner.
Okay, you cannot go to
Panache looking like that.
I'm seeing this patient,
little girl,
and she's, uh...
She stuck six string beans all the way
up her nose, just one after the other.
Oh, my God,
what did you do?
I told her
she wasn't eating right.
It's like deja vu, huh?
Us having dinner.
Hmm. Me telling terrible
jokes and you...
Molting.
Okay, it was the
only thing that fit.
I didn't have the time
to find anything to wear.
I've been
a little stressed.
It is a good thing you're
dining with Dr. Love.
Dr. Love?
Well, it's either that
or Dr. Feel-Good.
Drink two of these.
Call me in the morning.
You were always good
at making me laugh.
Yeah?
Yeah, I miss that.
I miss you.
Yeah, well,
I got to be honest.
I was a little nervous
about meeting you tonight.
What? Why?
Ah, 'cause, you know,
what if you'd changed,
and you weren't the same girl
that I'd fell in love with?
What I was really scared of
is what if you hadn't changed
and all those feelings
came rushing back?
Patrick.
Sloane.
Come here.
Sloane!
Andrew? What... What
are you doing here?
Who's this guy?
This is my... boss,
Andrew.
Andrew,
this is Patrick.
Hey, how're you doing?
I was going to wait until
Christmas to do this, but, um...
Okay!
What's going on here?
Patrick, I am so sorry. I have
no idea what he is doing.
Sloane, this morning you told me that
the only way you would take me back
was that if I could prove
that I'm committed to you
and only you.
Is this proof enough?
Marry me.
What? Okay.
I don't know
what to say.
Say yes!
I can't believe
you did all this!
So, what do you say?
Yes!
SLOA Don't you love it?
It's beautiful.
Ah!
Beautiful.
Wow! It's perfect for you.
Are you happy?
I'm ecstatic.
We're getting married!
Sweet!
Still?
I thought you'd be gone.
Crossed over or whatever.
Why would you think that?
'Cause I heeded your warning
and changed my life.
Oh, my God,
it's a glacier!
Congratulations!
Now that is quite an improvement
on the last ring he bought you.
What are you
talking about?
That chip Patrick
bought you in the past.
Caitlin. I didn't choose Patrick.
I chose Andrew.
Well, good choice.
Come on! Look, I'm
going to have it all.
The perfect job, the perfect
husband the perfect life!
Yeah, well,
it won't be perfect.
You know, you haven't
changed your ways at all.
Not at all.
Hanging out by the
ladies' room, loser?
I came to find you.
Why, to congratulate
me on my engagement?
No, because
it's midnight.
So what?
Do you want to tell
her or should I?
Wait, you can see her?
Duh! I'm the last guy
that dumped you.
I dumped you. Whatever
makes you feel better.
Either way, I'm your most
recent ex-boyfriend.
Sloane, meet the Ghost
of Ex-mas Present.
Okay, so you're not
the real Jason,
you're just a spirit
that looks like him.
Bingo. And I get to show you
all the ways your bitchitude
affects those around you.
Ooh, nice one!
Thank you.
Awesome. This is so much more fun
than celebrating with my fiance.
Oh, you want to spend time with
the people you care about?
Well, guess what,
so does everyone else.
Don't cry, baby.
We'll still have
Christmas, just...
a day late.
Because Mommy has to
work on Christmas Day.
Meanie!
I know.
What? We all have to
make sacrifices for work.
But you only make them
when they benefit who?
Oh! You.
Hey, babe.
Sweetie, we should talk about
Christmas bonuses for the staff.
We'll be lucky
to pay them at all.
It's that bad?
It is.
You know,
maybe once Sloane's clients start
using their gift certificates,
business will pick up.
Don't hold your breath.
Oh! Oh, my God,
I forgot.
I'll just take care
of it tomorrow.
You're too late. The firm's
gift bags are packed today.
You missed
your chance.
At least I offered.
Oh, I'm sure that'll
be a comfort to them
when the business
goes under.
We're talking
about Sloane Spencer.
I don't know why you even
bother being friends with her.
She was my roommate
in college.
What do you
want me to do,
just stop speaking
to her altogether?
If that'll stop her
taking you for granted?
Then yes.
Ed...
Oh! That was fun!
You ready to go?
You're going to
be so handsome!
Oh! Hello?
Hey, baby. Bad news.
Uh, my business trip
got extended a few days.
I won't be back
tonight after all.
You're not coming home
for Christmas?
Sorry, Viv, but it's
a million dollar deal.
Tell you what,
buy yourself something pretty,
that'll cheer you up.
Hello again.
Well, she can just
spend the day with me.
I mean, no one wants to
be alone on Christmas.
You're going to be busy
working at Caitlin's party.
Unless you think your mom
is worth skipping it.
No,
I can't skip that,
I'll lose the promotion
for sure.
I'll just see her
on the 26th. Who cares?
Not you.
That's for sure.
I think you need
a little brother.
Purebred, show quality, wildly
expensive little brother.
All right, one more look
at Ex-mas Present to go.
I just heard we're doing six
days on location in Mexico.
Are you happy?
Hell, yeah! I'm ecstatic!
We're getting married!
Sweet!
You're damn right, it's sweet.
It's fantastic.
I don't believe it. He was on
the phone the entire time?
Yep.
Hurts when someone you care
about ignores you, huh?
So, why are you
showing me this?
This isn't me doing anything wrong.
I'm the victim here!
No, you're not.
He is.
Patrick.
God, he left?
Guess he doesn't
like threesomes.
I can't believe I didn't
even notice him leave.
Wait, why are we
watching this?
To try and make you realize that
your actions have consequences.
If you go on treating
people like this,
you're going to
end up alone.
That's what I meant by
changing your ways, Sloane.
Fine. I'll call everyone
and apologize.
It's going to take
more than words, Sloane.
All right. Well, Caitlin's party is
in exactly 33 hours and 10 minutes.
So, once that's done, I'll
make nice with everyone, okay?
Oh! She's going to make
nice with everyone.
Hmm, imagine that.
You just don't
get it, do you?
Hi, Patricagain.
I really need to talk to
you, so can you call me?
Bye.
Still not
calling you back, huh?
Some people are so
inconsiderate these days.
I feel like I haven't
slept in three days.
Well, you've been running around with
ghosts all night, what'd you expect?
I, on the other hand,
feel better rested than I
have in my entire life!
Hmm. Death'll
do that to you.
How you doing, babe?
I'm upset. I got in a
fight with someone,
and I'm not sure how to
make things right with him.
Well, get him a basket of pears
from Harry and David or something.
We can't afford to lose anymore
clients now that Caitlin's gone.
He's not a client. He's...
A guy I knew in college.
Oh! So no biggie.
But it is.
He's my friend.
I think I hurt
his feelings and...
Babe, I'm, I'm sorry. I'm
really under the gun here.
Can we talk
about this later?
Oh, sure, I guess.
I'll tell you what.
Go out and buy yourself something pretty.
It'll cheer you up.
Thanks.
You guys are going to
have an awesome marriage.
Oh, my God.
I am trying, okay?
I can't fix a lifetime's worth
of relationships in one day.
Well, try harder.
Hey, Jenny! It's Sloane.
Hey, sweetie, I've got my hands full.
Can I call you back?
I really need
to talk to you.
What's wrong?
Are you okay?
Yeah, I just...
It's just
I've been thinking.
I know that my work has been taking
up a lot of my attention lately,
and I just wanted
to tell you...
9-1-1!
I need to call you back.
Ella, what's wrong?
I was watching the DVD of
Caitlin's career retrospective
and it includes the COPS episode
where Caitlin got arrested
for shoplifting
herpes medicine.
Okay, that whole thing
was so not my fault.
What? I was gonna pay for it, but
the pharmacy guy was smoking hot!
Okay, you want me to go
over there and be like,
"Hello, can I buy some ointment to
put out the fire in my underpants?"
No! It's humiliating!
Oh, and there's nothing embarrassing
at all about stealing it?
Um...
Are you sure?
'Cause I think it's a
little embarrassing.
We put a copy in every gift bag.
All 2,000 of them.
Oh! I mean, yes.
You're right. Get the gift
bags back, right away.
Got it.
You know, what I want to know is why in
the world would someone that good-looking
become a pharmacist?
Hey, Jenny! It's Sloane again.
I'm really sorry.
Hey! What happened?
Are you okay?
It's just I'm surrounded
by crazy people here at work
and they just won't
leave me alone.
Try being married to Ed!
Okay, he is so stressed out, he's
acting like a total lunatic.
This morning, I literally caught
him talking to a Cornish game hen.
As long as the chicken's
not talking back to him.
Seriously.
But you know what? He's going to
chill out once business picks up
and people start using those gift
certificates you sent out for us.
Oh! The gift certificates.
You didn't send
them out, did you?
Um...
Sloane! You promised!
I know,
and I'm really sorry.
There's just been so much
going on with work.
Did you hear?
You got the promotion!
What?
Sloane?
Uh, Jenny, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to
call you back again,
I'm really, really sorry.
But I need... Sloane!
I got the promotion?
Uh-uh! You gotta be
kidding me, right?
Of course
I'm kidding.
Why would they
promote you?
Listen, you little jerk.
So far today, I've set up visas
with the state department
to allow the Vienna Boys Choir
to perform at the premiere.
I've arranged transpo and housing for
23 of Caitlin's childhood friends.
I just confirmed Lady Gaga
to sing Paparazzi,
Caitlin's favorite song,
and I just negotiated with Elton
John to rewrite Candle in the Wind
to sing at Caitlin's
graveside.
I haven't showered,
I haven't slept,
I've got ex-boyfriends
popping up left and right
and you want to take out your
prepubescent insecurities on me,
to make yourself
feel better?
It was just a joke.
I don't have time
for jokes!
Now, will you
please excuse me.
Oh! Have a productive day.
- Well done.
- Thank you.
I've to call Jenny back.
Yes, you do.
Jenny! It's me again.
Oh, hey, Sloane. Can you
hold on just a second?
She hung up on me.
What? Brad was right.
Chick fights are hot.
Maybe you should send
her a basket of pears.
11:30.
It's almost Christmas,
you know.
If you want to make
things right with Patrick,
you kind of
need to do it now.
Where do you
think I'm going?
Hey, man.
It is really, really late, and you
need some sleep so Santa can come.
All right?
Did you hear that?
I think I just heard
reindeer on the rooftop.
Close your eyes. Come on.
Gotta get some sleep.
Goodnight, buddy.
Patrick? Uh...
Patrick! Wait!
What?
I wanted to explain to
you about last night.
No, that's okay,
I understand.
I mean, what, we've
been apart for years.
It would be silly for me to think
that you hadn't met somebody else
in all this time, but
what I don't understand
is why you felt the need to
flaunt it in front of me.
Flaunt it?
What do you mean?
We were on a date.
And you left in the middle of that date
to get... Oh, what was that? Engaged!
What kind of a person
does that?
Look, you don't
understand.
I thought that Andrew
and I had broken up.
He cheated on me,
see, so I called you...
To get back at him?
Kind of.
Who are you?
Excuse me?
Who are you?
I'm me, Sloane, the same girl that
you fell in love with in college.
No, no, you see, that Sloane,
she was warm and funny
and she cared
a lot about people.
You're nothing like her.
I can never fall in love
with a girl like you now.
That's a terrible
thing to say.
Yeah, well.
The truth hurts.
Wait.
Where are you going?
Home.
You're not going to go straighten
things out with Patrick?
No. He made it
clear how he feels.
If he changes his mind,
he knows where to find me.
Sloane, he was just mad.
I'm sure
if you talk to him,
he'll know that you're not as
horrible a person as you seem.
Thank you.
Come on, you know
what I mean.
Look, you have to go back there
and apologize to Patrick.
Only thing I need to do is go over the
invites for the final list for the party.
Seriously?
After all that, you're
still putting work first?
It's all I have left.
Merry Christmas...
Sloane.
Midnight.
You? You mean, you're the
Ghost of Ex-mas Yet To Come?
Really? 'Cause I'm pretty
sure I never banged Santa.
Actually, that sounds like
something Caitlin would do.
Where did she go?
She can't come
on this one.
Her future ended
the moment she died.
But she will be there when I
wake from this, in the morning.
What? Why not?
She's gone.
But she can't be
gone for good. I...
I'm not ready.
You do realize that
Caitlin is dead, right?
Whether she leaves now or
later, she is gone forever.
But I never got
to say goodbye.
Well, you had plenty of chances.
You just wasted them all.
Well, aren't you jolly!
It is time to go see what
your future holds, Sloane.
No, I really don't have
the time for this.
I'm afraid you don't have
much time left, period.
It is now officially
Christmas Day.
Your future is
about to be sealed,
and once it is,
you can't change it.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Okay,
I'm heading out now.
Are you sure you wouldn't like to come
join my family for Christmas dinner?
I hate the thought of
leaving you here all alone.
I won't be alone. I'm spending
Christmas with my daughter.
But she couldn't come visit this year.
Remember?
What are you talking about?
Sloane is right here.
Sloane? Sloane?
Where are you?
Where is she? Where's my daughter?
Sloane? Sloane!
Oh! There she is!
Bad girl! Bad girl.
Wandering away
from Mommy!
See? We always spend
Christmas together.
Merry Christmas, Vivian.
Merry Christmas!
Say Merry Christmas, Sloane!
Merry Christmas.
Holy crap.
She's gone insane!
No, she hasn't.
She thinks
that dog is me.
I mean, she always referred
to them as my brothers,
but as far as I knew, she
understood that I'm a human being.
If she's not crazy,
then what is she?
Lonely.
That's my little girl.
Oh, you had me
so worried.
Never leave Mommy. Never.
After her
fifth husband...
Larry's
her fourth husband.
I know.
Carlos is her fifth.
And after he moves out,
she will fall apart.
And since you certainly can't be
bothered with caring for her,
she becomes obsessed
with dogs,
whom she knows
love her unconditionally.
Okay, this is ridiculous.
And you sound like an idiot
speaking in the future tense.
That's because
it's your future.
Come on.
Oh, you had me so worried.
Never leave Mommy. Never.
Hey.
Hey.
Good lord,
what's she wearing?
When the restaurant
went out of business,
the only job she could find was waiting
tables at the local Applebee's.
Oh, okay, I refuse to
take the blame for that.
Sloane sent us a card.
Want to see it?
No.
Okay, that was harsh.
We're supposed to
be friends.
But you never
acted like one.
Jenny got tired of always
being rejected by you,
so she just gave up.
Sooner or later,
everyone does.
Oh, we're visiting
Patrick now?
Awesome. I can't wait to see how he's
stopped caring about me now, too.
No, we're not going
to visit Patrick.
Actually, after you walked
away from him tonight,
you will never
see him again.
But I thought you said
he still loves me.
He does. But you don't
care about love anymore.
Do you?
Okay, screw you, Santa! Of course
I care about love. I'm engaged.
So that means
that you're lying.
And if you guys are my exes, and
I'm getting married to Andrew,
then I'm not going to
have a future ex-boyfriend.
Wrong again.
How can you be my ex?
I thought we get married.
Yes, we do.
We also get divorced.
What? Why?
Well, we wanted
different things.
You wanted power and prestige.
And I wanted...
The blonde.
Oh, can the theatrics. In the end,
we both got exactly what we wanted.
What do you mean?
You take half my assets
in the divorce.
Half my clients, half my company.
You're set for life.
Come on,
I'll show you.
You can afford
the best of everything.
Much better. Yes.
If we're not here
to see Patrick,
then what are
we doing here?
Where are we going?
To see what all of your money and
promotions and power got you.
Is that...
Is that me?
It is.
But I look so young.
Where are my flowers? Where
are my visitors? Why...
Why am I all alone?
Because this is the way
you've chosen to live.
No, no.
I didn't choose this.
I never chose
to be alone.
But this is
what you got.
All of your wealth,
success...
It comes to nothing.
It doesn't have to
happen like this.
I'll change.
It's too late, Sloane.
No! I can fix this!
It hasn't happened yet!
It's too late.
You've already
made your choice.
That ring is
on your finger.
Patrick's heart
is already broken.
Caitlin is in the ground.
Christmas is over.
Please! Please don't
let this happen to me!
Caitlin?
Where are you?
Caitlin!
God, why are you
shouting?
I thought for sure
you would be gone.
No. The future's not
quite here yet.
What day is it?
It's Christmas.
Morning.
It's not too late?
I'm not too late?
I can fix things?
Yes, but you
have to hurry.
Right.
No, Sloane,
where are you going?
The party's this way.
Sloane, come on! We cannot
be late for my party!
I know, I know.
I gotta find something.
It's really,
really important!
More important than my party?
I don't think so.
Sloane! This is my night.
It's all about me.
Is that it?
This is it.
Okay. Let's go!
Hey, Andrew, I need to get
a couple of things done
before the party, so I'll just
meet you there, okay? Bye.
Does dinner come
with a show?
Merry Christmas!
Hey!
Happy Holidays!
You didn't get
a second puppy?
The breeder didn't have any males,
and Schatzi wants a little brother.
How did you know
about that?
It doesn't matter.
All that matters
is that I'm here.
I didn't think
I'd see you today.
Of course
I'd come see you.
It's Christmas, we should
spend it together.
I love you, Mom.
Huh.
Well, I love
you too, sweetie.
Okay, now get
yourself together,
'cause we are
going to a party!
Oh! Can I bring your
little brother?
Oh, Mom,
don't call him that.
But, yes, you can.
Your sister's taking
us to a party.
I knew you'd come!
I knew it!
Thank you for not
giving up on me.
Never!
And you brought
your mom!
I hope you don't mind me showing
up without an invitation.
The more the merrier!
Get your butt in here.
I thought you had
to work today.
I do. Uh, but I just wanted
to swing by here first.
To drop off your mom.
And to apologize for the
way that I've treated you.
I've been losing
a lot of friends lately,
and I couldn't stand
if I lost you, too.
Never. You're not getting
rid of me that easily.
Okay, I'm going to be
back as soon as I can.
I just need to go take care
of your Christmas present.
But you already got me
that sweet baseball cap.
Your real present.
You're thinking
what I'm thinking?
I am.
Yeah.
I will see you later.
Okay, bye.
Okay. Hurry back!
Hello.
Hey! What are you
doing here?
You told me
we were working today.
No, no.
You know what?
Take the rest
of the day off.
Really?
Yeah, it's Christmas.
Go home and be
with your daughter.
Son. Max.
Sorry!
I'll see you on Monday.
We already pulled all the
incriminating DVDs of Caitlin.
Oh, good. Then there'll
be space for these.
Hey, I need you to put one of
these in every single gift bag.
It's very important.
Okay.
What are those?
Oh, gift certificates.
Just trying to help a friend's
new restaurant take off.
We'll have every celebrity
in town in there
and that ought
to do it.
That's really
nice of you.
Wow, you just
called me nice.
That's never
happened before.
Can I still go home?
Of course.
Merry Christmas! Go!
Sloane! You gotta admit,
the camera loves me.
You think Caitlin's somewhere,
watching all of this?
Oh, yeah.
Definitely.
And I think
she's loving it.
I'm coming to you
live from the red carpet
at the Snow Angel
premiere party,
where all of Hollywood has
turned out in all its glamour
to honor the memory
of one of their own.
It is a moving tribute
to a fallen star.
But don't you dare
touch that remote
because we've got
this beautiful life,
cut way too short,
covered from every imaginable
angle, right here on SHOWBIZ.
Whoo! It's going
to be a fun night.
There you are!
I need
to talk to you.
And I need
to talk to you,
Ms. Vice President!
Oh, you mean
I got the promotion?
I just got word
from my dad.
Oh, my God!
That is amazing!
Congratulations.
Uh, but that... It's gonna
make this even harder.
What?
Oh, God, uh,
how do I say this?
Uh, my whole life,
I was taught that
relationships are based
on what the other
person can do for you.
Right.
Financially, emotionally,
or in your career.
Mmm-hmm.
But I realize
how wrong that is.
It's not about what
someone can do for you,
it's about how they make you
feel when you're with them,
or how you both feel.
Absolutely.
I don't want to feel
like an accessory.
I don't blame you.
I need someone that can be
there for me emotionally,
that listens to me and loves
me the way that I love him.
Andrew? Andrew!
Andrew!
Yeah, babe.
Of course.
I'm sorry.
Oh, come on, Sloane.
Mmm-mmm.
I couldn't resist. Once
more for old times' sake.
So, mission
accomplished, huh?
Did you get
your wings?
Actually, it's more
like a pitchfork.
No!
I'm kidding.
Yes, I'm all set.
So, then I guess
this is goodbye?
And you're gonna
be okay?
You kidding?
Heaven has an open bar!
And Heath Ledger
and James Dean...
Yeah, sounds like
heaven to me.
You know, I think that you're
going to find a guy down here
who's almost as perfect.
Well, um,
I guess I'll be off.
Sloane, thank you
for everything.
No, I should
be thanking you.
You gave me
a whole new life.
Well, goodbye.
Bye.
Excuse me.
I heard about the promotion
and I just wanted to say
there's no freaking way
I'm bringing you coffee.
Ever.
How about tea?
Deal.
I'm out of here.
Wait. You're leaving?
Where are you going?
To get a life.
Patrick.
Patrick, um...
I'm so sorry.
For what?
For everything.
For what I said
at the hospital,
for letting you leave the
restaurant when Andrew showed up,
for running away instead
of taking your ring
and becoming your wife.
How do you know
about that?
I... I just know.
Most of all, I'm sorry that
it has taken me until now
to realize
how I feel about you,
when, inside, I've
known it all along.
I'm not that horrible girl that
you saw at the restaurant,
at least, not anymore.
I'm me, the Sloane
you knew in college,
and I would love the chance
to reintroduce you to her.
She used to look
something like this.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe that you
kept this all these years.
Of course I did.
It's a present from
the man that I love.
Merry Christmas, babe.
Thank you.
Hey, Vivian.
Oh, my darling,
you look so good.
You look beautiful.
Haven't changed a bit.
I'm so glad
you're here.
Me, too.
- Get back over there.
- Get back over there.
You got her, now,
don't lose her.
I'm going, I'm going!
Did I ever tell you the story
about my three marriages?
My first husband, he was
tall, and I was in love.
My second husband, he was
short, but he was rich.
And my third husband,
well, who knows,
he might be under the
table right now.
Are you married?
Merry Ex-mas, Caitlin.
Merry Christmas,
everyone.
Merry Christmas.