Christmas Eve (2015) Movie Script
Well, that
was your first mistake.
You see, department
stores are designed
on the premise that
people naturally travel
in a clockwise direction.
Go counterclockwise and
you'll spend less money.
Huh, maybe.
Hmm.
Whoo-hoo, I got a trophy.
I'm James.
Oh, right, James, come in,
sit down over there.
James Harris?
Yes.
I want a signed contract,
not tickets to hear somebody
cry in Italian for three hours.
Get Steven on the phone.
Steven's in, um, London, sir.
It's Christmas Eve there.
Did I bloody ask
you what time it was in London?
Now, what if,
instead of paying for things
with money, you could
tell the cashier a story
that you've never
told anyone before
and the crazier it was, the
more stuff you could buy?
Would the story have to be true?
100% or else you get tased.
No wait, if the tumor's there,
we take it, right?
That's why we operate.
You saw her heart, the
damage was already done.
If I'd have seen it on the MRI,
I would have never
opened her up.
And you're okay with that?
Whoa, ho, hold up!
That there,
what's the problem
with you people?
Don't you know what
a penthouse is?
I do not want a pillar
obstructing my view!
I'm afraid that's
just not possible, sir.
I mean, we could do it
but we'd have to change
the five floors underneath.
Well, it just so happens
that I own those five floors
and all the bloody
floors beneath them.
I have Steven on the
phone for you, sir.
Yeah, Steven?
Do to unforeseen
financial constraints
placed upon pavlick energy
a reorganization's
become necessary,
which results in the
termination of James Harris.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm getting fired?
No, laid off.
But it's Christmas Eve.
Hey, Turk, what's up, buddy?
What?
Six to eight weeks?
Oh my god! What am I gonna
do for a running back?
We're gonna be late!
We're always late remember?
All aboard who's coming aboard.
Hurry guys, hurry up!
Just chill,
guys, it's Christmas.
Come on, dawn!
Okay, look at this, good
thing we're all friends here.
What about Jacob?
There's no
way he'd fit in, just go.
Oh, come on, Jacob.
He'd better hurry.
Sorry boys, got a transport.
Oh well, well, it's Dr. Roberts.
Nurse ratchet.
Wait a minute,
isn't that the same...
don't worry, she'll be out
cold for another two hours,
then some poor nurse will
have to break her the news
because you'll be long gone.
Yeah, she's supposed
to be out in 30 minutes.
I should be there in 26,
assuming the subway's on time
and the crosswalk signals are
still set for commuter flow.
I don't want
to hear that right now.
Listen, it's Christmas
Eve, we'll do it
after the new year, okay?
We'll have lunch, then
we'll let the new guys
introduce themselves
and I'll cover the comp.
Hey, quick question,
I'm down a running back,
who do you take, Moreno...
Hello?
Can you hear me?
Um, sir, I just
thought I'd remind you,
it's your son's birthday.
And it's Christmas,
should I send him a gift
in your name, maybe?
Reading my mind already?
What was that?
Shit!
What the hell?
- That's not good.
- - That's not good
at all.
Am I blind?
Anyone got any ideas?
I always knew I would
die in an elevator.
I want you to scatter my
ashes over our apartment.
On the roof or like
on the floors and stuff?
Maybe just in the fish tank,
like a little each day.
Just like, you
know, a doo-doo-doo.
Did you know your fingernails
grow for like a year
after you're dead?
Actually, that's a myth.
As the body decomposes,
the skin recedes,
making it appear as if
the nails are growing,
but they're not.
Was that the brainiac
or the clean freak?
I think it was the brainiac.
The proper term for clean freak
is obsessive compulsive.
Used primarily as an adjective,
but sometimes as a noun.
So I wash my hands a lot.
You should thank me.
This is getting freaky.
Stu, hey, dude,
it's me.
Yeah, what's going
on out there, man?
You're kidding me.
The whole city?
What are you telling me?
Zombies, I knew it would
always end up like this.
You getting your face
ripped off by bikers
and me stuck in an
elevator with, hold please,
what's your name?
Dimples?
You said dimples to me?
Interesting.
Dimples and I'm stuck with her.
And it would appear that
we may just be the last man
and woman on earth soon.
Great power does come
with great responsibility.
You know what, Stu?
This doesn't make
any sense, man.
You know why, because I
don't get cell reception
in elevators, which
means this conversation
isn't happening.
Which means, texting
probably doesn't work either.
Hmm.
Hi.
Do you know how long it's been?
Since I fell in love?
Since the elevator
stopped moving?
10 minutes maybe?
You live in 38?
41?
Hey, do you live in 42?
Hey, you live in 43?
Yes, I live in 43.
I thought that snake
charmer lived in 43.
No, he's in 53,
next to the clogger.
The clogger, that's right.
So how long you lived here?
Four years. You?
I don't live here.
I pop in, I make a
difference, I pop out.
But I'm not afraid
of commitment either.
You know what I heard?
I heard that if you
make it to five years,
this building does something
super dope for you.
They turn your hot water
on for an entire day.
So, I should probably swing
by and use your shower.
You know?
Are you all right in there?
Cover your eyes!
Okay.
Whoa!
Everyone get back.
Sir, your Van's
conducting electricity.
Don't touch anything.
Do you understand?
I will be all right if
I can find my Guadalupe.
Hello!
Anybody! I'm stuck
in the elevator!
You gotta help me!
I'm pregnant, I'm
a pregnant woman.
I'm about to have my
baby in the elevator,
if you don't come
right now, I'm gonna,
my water just broke!
You gotta help me, please!
Yeah, you want to
help me out here?
Ex-employees
shall not infringe
upon the workspace of company,
nor use its resources,
tools, or services
at any time.
I get it, you're pissed
'cause I laid you off.
Ex-employees shall be
barred from association
with current employees
on company property.
Help!
Whether or not
such interaction...
- you're a lunatic!
- - Is at the invitation
of a current employee.
Listen, bro, it's Christmas Eve.
I don't want to be in
here anymore than you do.
Why don't you help me
get us both out of here?
Get out and go where?
I don't have a job, remember?
You think I enjoy
laying people off?
Nope, firing people.
You fired me.
You want to think
I'm evil? Go ahead!
I'd like to think
of you as human.
I really would, but when you
can't spare fantasy football
for five minutes to
square up with a guy
whose life you just
turned upside down,
well then you seem more like
the spawn of Satan himself.
You ever play fantasy football?
No, I'm not a loser.
Oh, okay, thank you.
It's a power outage,
they're working on it.
Five minutes at the most.
Walt, if you don't stop
elbowing me, I'm gonna kill you.
You hear that everybody?
Give queen dawn
her precious space.
Up yours, Walt.
Could you just
be quiet a minute?
I'm trying to make this call.
There's no service in here.
Hey, sis?
Uh, if you get this
message, it's Marta.
I'm stuck in an elevator
with the orchestra.
I think we're all gonna die.
- Oh, god!
- - Oh come on, Marta,
shut the hell up!
That was uncalled for, Walt.
You shut up yourself.
You just told Walt to shut up.
I was shutting up
the shutter upper.
It's different.
What if we miss the
entire Christmas concert?
I wouldn't care if I
never played another concert
in my entire life.
Oh come on, you don't mean that.
Ugh.
Oh, seriously?
- Oh.
- - Okay, who did that?
Nice try, Walt?
I'm so backed up right now
I couldn't fart to save my life.
Who ever did the
deed, I hope you die
a long and painful death. Ow!
I think I just threw up.
Ugh, what's that on my neck?
Is that throw up on my neck?
It's probably just sweat.
Marta?
Maybe I didn't, maybe
I didn't, it's okay.
How can you not know
whether or not you threw up?
It's your own sweat.
Back off.
Hey, relax kid.
- Bring it bad boy.
- - Hey!
Walt!
Come on, come on.
Stop the madness!
What was that?
Who the hell has a gun in here?
I don't have a gun.
Me neither.
I wish I had a gun.
A woman of my beauty
can never be too careful.
Shh.
Damn it.
Let me guess again, cakes?
In the business of cakes?
You don't work for
the government.
What are you an attorney?
What are you, a
private detective?
Do I look like a private dick?
I wouldn't say private.
Paralegal.
Ahh.
- I was wondering...
- you know...
I'm sorry, go ahead.
No, no, no, you should go.
I was just gonna say,
maybe we should try
yelling or jumping up
and down or something?
Really?
I was gonna say that coat
is totally wrong for you.
You're a fashion critic now?
No, it's deeper than that.
I'm a deep guy.
No thanks.
You ever poor crackle all
over a scoop of ice cream?
I don't know.
Well, you're the ice cream
and that coat is your shell,
that's your hiding place.
Well, if you can tell
I'm trying to hide,
I must not be doing a
very good job of it.
Why would you possibly want
to hide how beautiful you are?
I mean, what are you afraid of?
Little ole' me?
Wait, I got it.
You're an only child, right?
You're a sorority
girl at Harvard,
just like mommy was.
And then you went to law
school and you thought
you met Mr. right but he
dumped you final semester
when he realized he
could be the next
wolf of wall street.
You managed to graduate but
you were so distraught
you just couldn't
pass the bar and so you
told all your friends
that you're a lawyer
even though, really,
all you do is work for one.
Here comes my favorite part.
It's why I saved it for last.
I can't wait.
You've always wanted
to be a cheerleader.
What are you doing?
Well, I'd like to
take a picture of you.
Stop! Hey! Stop!
Come one, show me
what's under that shell.
Stop!
Show me some emotion,
yeah, that's it.
We're in the surgery wing,
headed down to recovery
on the third floor.
How can that be?
This is a hospital.
Got it.
There's a glitch with
the backup generators,
should be 10 to 15 minutes.
You better hope
it's fixed before sleeping
beauty wakes up or one
of you's gonna have to
tell her the truth.
The truth is a
cardiac liposarcoma.
Nothing anybody could
have done about it,
except god.
She had that bitch covered.
How's that?
She asked me to pray
with her before surgery.
And?
Maybe we should jump up
and down to get it going.
Yes!
No.
No.
Oh.
Well, I'm Molly.
I have been sober
for 45 minutes.
I was headed to eat Chinese
with my bff, Sherry,
who will tell you about
herself in just a minute.
Oh, I'm a Sagittarius and
I'm allergic to peanuts,
which is rare to
be a Sagittarius
and allergic to peanuts.
I'm Sherry, rhymes with canary.
In a past life I was a cyberkinetic
force of unknown origin,
but in this life, I'm a
poetry major.
Which means I pay the
rent by testing cosmetics,
which is why my face
is kind of puffy today.
Don't stare.
I am Nick.
I'm an art curator.
I was supposed to
lead the benefit tour
of the abstract exhibit
at the met tonight.
Just me, in new
York's leading lights.
Yeah, instead I get to
spend it with four strangers
who clearly wash their hands
less than three times a day.
That's the national average.
I know.
My name is Glen.
I'm Tim Giles.
And first off, cyberkinetic
forces, if they exist at all
have origins as
definable as any other,
unless they lay outside the
realm of time and space,
which is impossible.
Secondly, I don't buy that
you're going out for Chinese.
Not in those shoes.
Uh, well, we're headed to
a salsa bar to dance
with illegal people.
It's our little
Christmas charity.
So sue us.
It's not a winnable case.
Are you kidding me?
Why so serious? Huh?
We got a party here!
Looking good.
Stop!
Say what you're gonna say.
We got a problem
getting you out of there.
I know this.
Que pasa?
We got people stuck in
elevators all around the block.
Your Van severed
their main power line.
I screw the pooch?
Yeah, you did.
But your Van is also
connecting the two halves
of the backup line.
The reason those elevators
haven't fallen to the ground
is because your Van is
conducting electricity to their
emergency breaks.
What are you gonna do?
We're gonna dig down
either side of you,
splice a line around your Van,
lift you up and get
you out of there.
Hope it works.
Me too.
Can I get you anything else?
Yeah.
I want to see my senora.
Guadalupe?
My real senora.
A gunshot?
I don't think so, no.
But if we did have
a gun in here,
would that help us
get out quicker?
Tell them we'll shoot
a person every hour until
they rescue us.
No wonder you're a drummer,
you're so aggressive.
10 more minutes, more or less.
They're working on it
as fast as they can.
Let's pry the doors open.
We could shoot them open.
I never want to
see that gun again.
Rotate?
Yeah.
Gonna be starting the
hallelujah chorus about now.
They're asleep.
Why would you say that?
You're one of the world's
most accomplished violinists.
I'm one of the world's
most bored violinists.
I wanted to be a dancer.
Then why aren't you?
My mother made me give
it up for the violin.
I got to admit, playing
dead guy's compositions
over and over again
kinda bums me out.
Mozart, Bach, Handel,
those guys have got more
control over my life than I do
and they've been dead
for over 300 years.
Yeah, when I was a little
girl I used to dream of
playing for the
queen of England.
I taped a picture of
her to my bedroom wall
and practiced in front of it.
Two years ago, there she was
sitting in our audience.
When I warm up before a concert,
I do it exactly the way
my father taught me.
It's like a prayer to him.
I like boy bands.
Please tell me that wasn't dawn.
She's got a gun,
she can like whoever she wants.
Come on, I said I was sorry.
I didn't mean to freak you out.
Now, how long has it been
since we got stuck in here?
Ugh, two hours?
It's the only elevator
in the building, right?
Yeah.
So they gotta know that
we are still stuck in here!
I'm not an only child.
What?
I'm not an only child.
I'm the middle of five.
My dad was a janitor
but I did have all the
aspirations of the rich kids.
Debate club, early graduation,
and the whole bit.
But as soon as I got
accepted to Princeton
and Yale and Harvard,
I realized I just,
I really didn't want
to go to any of them.
It was, I don't know,
I was just completely burnt out.
So I stayed home
and went to a couple
community college classes.
I'm not even a paralegal.
Ahh, lies.
I just make copies and coffee.
Speaking of which,
I'm really hungry.
Do you have anything
in these bags?
I don't know.
I'll make you a deal.
Hello? Hello!
Harris and son, can you hold?
No, I can't.
Okay, sir, what's the problem?
What do you think
the problem is?
I'm stuck in this
damned elevator!
Yeah, I see that.
Uh, we're dealing with
a situation down here.
I'm gonna check it out
as soon as possible.
Really sorry about that.
You've just spoken
four complete sentences
without providing one drop
of pertinent information.
I already realize my
elevator has a situation
and you being sorry
in and of itself
is not pertinent.
Your checking out the
problem is not pertinent.
I doubt that you
are even pertinent!
But whoever you are, you
better get this elevator moving
in one minute or
I will find you,
fire you, and then make
sure that you are fired
from your next three
jobs after that.
Is that pertinent
enough for you?
Hello? Hello?
Over two hours.
What's going on?
It can't be that hard
to reset the system.
Don't let him get to you, doc.
The idea of a higher power
helps someone, then great.
Personally, I don't buy it.
You don't buy it
or you don't buy
that anyone should buy it?
I don't like to see
good people get hurt
putting faith in things
that aren't real.
Did you get hurt, doc?
It's just not real.
Are heart transplants real?
Of course they are.
Now, but they were only
imaginary a few decades ago.
So if we wait long enough
then anything can be...
ow!
Hello?
Yeah?
Okay.
I think we might have
killed the backup system.
If ever there was an argument
against intelligent design...
Ping.
Huh, "abandon hope,
all ye who enter here."
Okay, I'm gonna pretend
that I didn't see that.
Could you
please stop doing that?
Hey, we're stuck between
the 15th and 16th floors.
We're aware of that.
So the logical solution
is to lower us half a floor
by accessing the reserve cable.
There's no such
thing as a reserve cable,
but nice try.
Don't patronize me,
we all have the same problem,
one problem, increasing the
ratio of problem solvers
to said problem inevitably
improves our chances
of solving that
problem is less time.
Sir, we are working very hard...
possibility number one,
a secondary source of power
as evidenced by the
backup lights is available
and while probably insufficient
to simultaneously power
every elevator in the
building, might be fed
exclusively to one.
Seven and a half
billion people in the world
and you manage to piss
off the one man who could
possibly help us.
There are only 7.163
billion people in the world.
Point taken.
It was dark, it was misty,
it was no night to
be running out of gas
on a lonely country road.
The husband locked
his wife in the car
while he went for help.
But when he came
back, she was dead
and there was someone
he'd never seen before
in the car with her.
But the doors had
not been opened,
the windows had not
been rolled down.
- The car...
- it was a baby.
Why can't you take a
picture of an Indian woman
with hair curlers?
You need a
camera to take a picture,
not hair curlers.
Take an empty wine
bottle, drop a coin it
and put a cork in the
top of the bottle.
How can you get the coin
out without removing
the cork?
There's no such thing
as a question without
an answer.
You might not know it
now, but it's out there,
waiting to be found.
Wanting to be found.
It's almost always simple.
So simple, it's almost silly.
And when you find it,
well, there's no feeling
like it in the world.
My wife's gonna kill me.
My dad's gonna kill
me when he finds out
I was fired.
Laid off.
He's a big time developer.
All he cares about
is work and money.
He's building a skyscraper
with a five floor penthouse,
just for him.
You know, I've had to
lay off 238 people since I
started this job?
I have list at home of
everybody I've ever laid off.
I don't know why I keep it.
Probably helps you to
pretend you really care.
What are you a Saint?
It's like watching tornado
coverage on the news,
you know you should feel
bad but then you just
change the channel and
thank god it wasn't you.
You know what the execs
call you employees?
Care bears.
Know what they call you?
Snow white because
you're so bored
and disengaged that you
might as well be dead.
Snow white?
Yeah, Dave called you Sasquatch,
but he never made any sense.
Dave, you know Dave slept
on my couch one night?
Yeah, company Christmas
party two years ago.
Dave, designated driver Dave,
gets so sloshed, calls
a cab, climbs inside,
and can't remember
where he lives.
The hotel gives him my
address since I'm the guy
who paid for the party,
he shows up at my house,
he's got no idea he's
at the wrong place.
He waltzes in on my wife and me,
so we take him out and
put him on the couch.
Next morning we get up,
he's gone without a trace.
Blanket's folded
up, the whole bit,
like he was never there.
And he never said a word
about it and neither did I,
but every Christmas, there's
a plate of sugar cookies
arrives on our doorstep.
Little reindeer sugar cookies
and I know it's
Dave bringing them.
That's not Dave.
It's accounting.
They put eyedrops in them,
diarrhea.
That explains a lot.
Oh, I know, it's just the
worst thing ever, isn't it?
- Perfect.
- - Okay.
All right.
Wow.
Let's do it.
Sir?
Hello? Yes, I'm in here!
We're trying to get you down.
There's a power
outage a block away
and it looks like
it might be awhile.
Just open the damn door!
You're between floors, sir,
- even if we could...
- is there anything
you know how to do?
Sir, I'm trying my...
you're fired!
That's what you are!
Hello?
Hello? Come back here!
Hello? Hello?
Oh, shit!
Get me
out of here!
Like this.
Well, it's
not as big as my face.
You gotta push harder.
Ow! You little runt.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I almost started to pee.
Think of something else.
Think about cars.
What kind of car do
you think she drives?
What's she do, chief?
She's a harpist
in the orchestra.
So she's gotta
drive something big
enough to haul the harp around.
She's what? 35?
A young, poor musician,
it's gotta be used.
A 2001 Volvo wagon.
No, her husband's a
computer programmer.
So, we do have a
little money. Hmm.
A Land Rover?
Could be.
10 bucks says it's red.
Why?
Musicians love red.
Passionate artist, dressed
in black all the time.
Whenever they can,
they choose red.
Says who?
Says...
Studies.
I bet her car's
black 'cause she's
conditioned to like black.
I bet it's brown.
Look at her hair color.
She's kept it natural.
How 'bout you, Dr. moneybags?
Mmm, I'll say
white, not off white,
pure white.
You know, like heaven.
Here we go.
Look, let's be honest,
god, white beard, angels.
Isn't that the most ridiculous
thing you've ever heard?
Is there anything
about our existence
that isn't ridiculous?
Sure there is.
Let's assume the
universe existed
only as random chaos
and 14 billion years ago
there was a big bang
and out of it came planets
and stars and vegetables
and cavemen and the
five of us all sitting
right here in this elevator?
Is that possible?
You bet it is.
And is it also crazy?
Yeah, because I don't care
how any of us got here,
it's mind-blowing,
incredible and grand.
All right, a beautiful,
young wife whose heart is being
strangled now, explain that
and a loving god to me,
on this fine Christmas Eve?
I can't.
I'll tell you what
I can explain.
One summer evening
when I was 10,
I was playing outside because
my parents were fighting.
The sun was going down
and I turned around
to look at my house
and I had this feeling
as clear as anything
that god knows who I am.
It wasn't like, here's
the whole story,
or now it's us against
them, it was just
know this,
know this one thing.
And, uh, I could
never deny what I felt
at that moment
and hanging on to it
gets me passed the things
that I don't understand.
I don't know everything,
but it doesn't mean
I don't know anything.
Yeah, yeah,
we're almost down to the mains.
That's great, not too deep.
Yeah, well, I'll get
right back to you.
Mr. Cooper?
Mrs. Lopez?
If we're halfway between floors,
the top of our elevator's
got to be no more
than 10 feet from
the next floor.
Why not just break the
bottle to get the coin out?
You can't break the bottle.
Can you melt it?
No, because you can't
alter the condition
of the bottle in any way.
Hey, could you give
me a boost, big guy?
Okay.
Ah, let's play charades.
Yes!
I'll go first.
- It's movie.
- - Yes.
Two words.
There's no light
coming from the other floors.
No way to tell how
far the next one is.
A horse, a deer?
Deer hunter?
It's a dog.
If we could get up there,
the doors probably wouldn't
open with the power out.
Benji?
Hounds of the damned?
Old yeller.
Yeah.
How did he get that?
Saddest movie ever,
scarred me for life,
I loved it.
Saddest thing you
can think of, go!
A puppy in a full body cast
and he's crying and
in the reflection
of one of the tears,
there's a unicorn and he's
starving to death.
Hmm, it's hard to top that.
Yes, it is.
A boy who eats his best friend.
Ew.
Um, a bunny who falls in a well
and no one can
save him because...
everyone's been eaten.
Your turn, Einstein,
saddest thing ever.
Well, there was a
scientist who lived
300 years ago who
wanted to figure out
how much the earth weighed.
And he theorized a
series of measurements
that could be taken
using pendulums, weights,
and counterweights.
He spent years building
his ingenious contraption
and then he died.
He knew exactly how
to get the answer,
but he never got to know it.
Everything that
has ever occurred,
everything that ever will occur
is subject to laws
that are knowable
and with enough
of that knowledge,
you could literally
understand everything.
And to live in
recognition of that Gulf,
between what is knowable,
which is everything,
and what we actually know,
which is almost nothing,
well that's more than sad.
It's the ultimate human tragedy.
You know the problem
with this company?
Global energy's a
big challenge, right?
So we think we gotta
be a big company,
so we end up big and
slow and old-fashioned.
No way to stay ahead of
the curve when you're built
like an aircraft carrier.
Yeah, it's the worst
place to be though,
ahead of the curve.
Why?
Everyone is always
focusing on energy sources,
I mean you can get
energy from anything:
Water, corn, dead dinosaurs,
but it's the delivery
of energy that poses
the greatest opportunity.
And it's simple.
You mean microgrids?
No, no, no.
The fiberoptic?
Nope.
What?
What is this? Your Magnum opus?
Check it out.
This is your idea?
I said it was simple.
Why haven't you
shared this with anyone?
I'm in tech support,
or rather was,
plus, it's not fully
thought out yet.
I mean, I can deliver
energy straight to your
front porch, but if you've
got a house with stoneage
circuitry, well, that's where
the magic ends.
Well, who says you need
to go inside the house?
Make them go out and get it.
Not the people, the gadgets.
They want a second extension,
one way or another, somebody's
gonna hung out to dry
and it ain't gonna be me.
Call the fixer, get the
names of all the other
competitors, take out
separate lawsuits,
get Hillman back
from his honeymoon,
he can help.
And find the name of
Kelso's favorite restaurant,
buy it, we can't
wine and dine him,
let's make damn sure
no other bugger can.
Show me what's
underneath that shell.
Think about the clogger.
I hate the clogger.
How much do you hate him?
Clogging in the morning,
clogging in the evening,
clogging 'til you want to die.
He clogs for the girl in 43.
But you know what,
she's not a lover,
she's a fighter.
We're not making copies today.
She's got a jaw of steel,
ladies and gentlemen.
Show me what's
underneath that shell.
A heart of glass.
What does that mean?
When that heart gets broken,
ain't nobody gonna come in...
okay, you know what, I'm done.
I just, I want my
stupid candy bar, okay?
All right.
You earned it.
I kind of hate you.
Hola, Jorge.
Hey, hey!
No, no.
And I want him scared stiff,
I want him scared into action.
These people, they aren't tough,
they're weak people
trying to act tough.
They're wasting my time.
Please? Won't somebody help me?
I am stuck in here!
Help me!
God help me.
I'll dose her down
to make it last,
but if her vitals
drop, you're gonna have
the mother of all
lawsuits on your hands.
I'm gonna have the
mother of all divorces
on my hands if I don't
get out of here soon.
I promised my wife I'd take
her to the met tonight,
some Christmas Eve art thing.
Just go in the corner.
Not in here, you don't.
Let me show you a trick.
Ah, I don't think
that'll handle the volume.
I did a rotation at
in eastern medicine.
I'm gonna show you
how to block out
pain with your mind.
Stick this into my neck.
The mind controls the body.
The body serves the mind.
Through the mind, into the body.
- So...
- shh.
My body is hereby denied
permission to feel pain.
My mind has not authorized it.
My mind has not deemed it so.
Right here.
All at once.
Ha.
Ha.
Take it out!
Take it out!
I can't!
Come here.
Hold still, hold still.
You said you wouldn't feel it.
Yeah.
Karen? Can you hear me?
Try not to move.
Heart rate is climbing.
Probably from
somebody screaming.
Karen, I want you to relax.
Can you hear me?
Where's my husband?
After several days,
officials changed the mission
from one of rescue to recovery.
But friends and
family held out hope,
staging a candlelight vigil
in the building's lobby
mere feet from where the
group were last seen.
And it's a regular sized coin?
Regular sized coin,
regular sized bottle,
regular sized cork.
Not a time travel thing?
So, uh,
what do they mean?
Oh, uh, lots of things.
Uh, this one's for my grandpa.
This one's my mom.
This is my goldfish, Mr. sundae,
he still hasn't figured
out what he wants to say.
Um, what about,
uh, um, this one?
That one?
That one's complicated.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Who's it for?
A friend.
A, uh, a girlfriend?
Not anymore.
Is that water?
You have water?
Yes.
I think we should
give it to Jacob.
I'm all right for now.
I think we should save it.
In case we're
trapped in a smaller,
hotter, elevator some day?
Maybe Jacob's right,
maybe we should save it.
Crimeny!
I'll give you $20 for it.
I'll give you $100 for it.
Since when do
you have 100 bucks?
We'll save it for later.
Yeah.
Christmas Eve, solo performance,
what do you play?
I'll be home for Christmas.
Bing Crosby,
better than Beethoven.
Got similar chord progressions.
Not sure what we could
bring to the lyrics.
Oh yeah.
It's the same delivery
system you're talking about
but we apply it to both sides,
doubling its efficiency.
What about rural areas?
You know, places that
don't draw that much power?
Maybe we could sell the
Midwest back to the French.
Or, we could
offset the difference
with a bigger push
from the primary?
- I don't know.
- - No, no, no.
We're making it too complicated.
The beauty of it was
its simplicity. Right?
How do we turn a rural
area's remoteness,
into a benefit?
Hello? Is anybody there?
I need to reach my son.
I have to tell him that...
I didn't expect
him to understand.
I certainly don't
expect him to forgive me
but he ought to know
that I know that I screwed up.
I've got a lot of stuff.
That's not what we had.
You, your mum, and me
had a one bedroom
flat in north London.
Archway.
You probably don't remember it
but we were rich.
All this other stuff,
it's nothing!
They dress you up,
they tell you you can
buy everything you want,
act like you own the world,
but that isn't it.
We were rich, James, Jimmy.
So sorry.
I blew it.
Do you feel anything, Karen?
No.
I can't feel my chest.
Your sternum is held
together with staples,
so it's important that
you hold very still, okay?
How'd it go?
Tumor did a lot of damage.
Much more than we
could see on the MRI.
It's not good, Karen.
Am I gonna die?
You probably have a few weeks.
Maybe a month.
Do I have to spend
the rest of it in here?
This all seems
very strange, I know,
but, uh, you'll be
out of here soon
and back together
with your husband.
No...
I'm not going to tell him.
Why not?
Well, he already knows
too much about everything.
He doesn't need to know this.
Don't we have to tell him?
Legally, she's the only
one we have to inform.
He'll know soon enough
what's happening to me.
Dr. Roberts?
Yes?
I need something from you.
What's that, Karen?
I need you to pray for me.
- I'll be sure to...
- I want you to pray
for me now.
Karen, I don't think
that a prayer is gonna...
I'm not asking
for a miracle, doc.
Just a prayer.
Dear god, if
- you're there...
- he's there,
doc, he's there.
We have a woman here...
I have a name.
Karen is very sick.
Be honest, doc.
Would you let me do this?
Karen is going to die.
She has a tumor on her heart
and there's nothing
that we can do about it.
So if there's anything
that you can do,
please do it.
She's going to be
in a lot of pain and
her husband is
going to need help.
Her family and friends
and all of us,
we all need to know something.
Not everything, just something.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
You should have prayed for
the elevator too, chief.
Well, dimples,
if they haven't
figure it out by now,
they ain't gonna figure
it out 'til morning.
So, don't let the bed bugs bite.
Got any more candy bars?
I wish.
You know, you changed me.
I what?
Well, you wanted to
prove I was beautiful,
and the first thing
you did was change
my hair and makeup.
Okay, that's called putting
your best foot forward.
I believe the Greeks
invented that.
Well, if you really
thought I was beautiful,
you would've have
just taken my picture.
I'm sorry, uh,
who's photo was it that I
just took about 300 times?
Someone you made
me pretend to be.
No, that was you.
I took those pictures of you.
If waking you up and
welcoming you back
to the rest of us is wrong,
then you can lock me up
and throw away the key.
Because when some east
villager with non-prescriptive
lenses in his glasses
makes concentric circles
of elephant shit on a
canvas and calls it art,
I thank Monet.
I thank him for
painting lilypads
instead of the
dead carp floating
on top of the pond,
I lost my metaphor.
But you know where
I'm coming from.
And I think you liked it.
I think I want to
take some more pictures.
You know, I just want to say...
I'm not afraid to eat
you guys if that's
what it comes down to.
Think I figured out why
you're still single, Walt.
There are no
secrets in elevators.
Well, then
I cheated on my music
theory final at Julliard.
I have flowers sent to
me after every concert.
I'm the one who farted.
Ow!
There can be no retribution,
it's a confession.
Depends on what you confess.
Hey, we should
shoot the door open.
And then what? Shoot our
way through the brick wall?
Maybe we'll be near an opening.
- Huh?
- - Okay.
Give me some room.
Wait a minute, what
about a ricochet?
This is a really bad idea.
Don't do it, dawn!
I'll give you my water!
Forget the water,
open the damn door!
Don't give up
your water, Kendra.
Maybe we should
all just have a sip.
What? Are we in Africa? Huh?
It's Kendra's
water, she should do
what she likes with it.
Everyone who thinks the
water should remain a symbol
of hope, raise your hand.
This is
ridiculous, it's her water!
Shoot the damn door!
Shut up!
Or I'll pour it out!
Okay, fine, okay,
I will put the gun away.
But I get to choose
the next song.
I want to hear silent night
and I want Mandy to play it.
About halfway down,
the big black one that looks
like it should be pushed.
Yeah, you push it again to
take a picture.
Right, okay, you ready?
You're so pleased with yourself.
Well, wouldn't you be?
I guess I deserved that.
Yes, okay,
let's see you work it.
Come on, dimples,
show me some emotion.
Ooh, all right,
you're the ice cream.
Crack the shell.
Oh, there it is.
That's really nice.
Have you done this before?
This mascara really
brings out your eyes.
Really nice look on you.
I don't know why
you're making me do this.
Yes, you do.
3.1415926535358.
3.14159265358.
3.14159265358.
Hello?
- Hey!
- - Hello?
You guys okay?
Ecstatic, yeah.
We're about to
splice a broken power line.
It might get a little bumpy.
I'll check back in a bit,
see if you need anything.
All right.
Actually, we kind of
need something right now.
What's that?
Well, we've got a wine bottle,
an empty wine bottle
and there's a coin in
it and we want to get
the coin out without
removing the cork.
Couldn't you
just push the cork down
into the bottle, then
pour the coin out?
Ah, yeah, that
might work! Thanks!
The distances
posed by rural areas
are no longer an issue.
Hey, this is security.
Anybody in there?
No, no, nobody here.
We're fine.
Distances are irrelevant
as long as the system
itself remains unchanged.
I mean, it's
pretty simple, right?
Right?
Slap me in the face.
Slap me in the face!
I feel like I'm having
a dream where I'm stuck
inside an elevator,
revolutionizing world energy.
How 'bout we slap each
other at the same time?
To be sure?
Great, I'll count.
One, two, three.
Ow!
I still see it.
I still see it too.
We're not dreaming.
We're not dreaming!
Oh my gosh, you're light.
Come on, Mandy, you
can do better than that.
So, uh, what kind of art thing
were you doing tonight?
It was at a Christmas benefit.
Abstract art in a
post-abstract world.
Why don't you give us the tour?
Oh, seriously,
we want to see it.
I don't think so.
I heart art.
Nothing better to do.
Oh, right.
Huh, you seem taller.
Really?
Good evening, ladies
and gentlemen,
and welcome to the
metropolitan museum of art
and our newest exhibit,
abstract art in a
post-abstract world.
The French art
critic, Andre Gide,
famously stated that art
is a collaboration between
god and the artist and the less
the artist does, the better.
So with that in mind, let's
take a look at some of the
finest collaborations in the
sunset of the movement itself.
Leading off our exhibit is
a piece entitled, war cry.
Based on the title the
viewer might expect
to be presented with a
traditional battle scene.
But is instead presented
with the image of a mirror
painted on a large
chunk of cardboard.
The image itself doesn't
reflect anything,
for the viewer has
to complete the piece
in their own imagination.
What is it they want to see?
What are they afraid to see?
And if there is a war cry,
then where is the war?
Well, perhaps it's in that
location common to us all,
the human psyche.
That sacred place where we
decide what we'll fight for
and what we'll run from.
Moving on now to
our largest exhibit.
It's a concrete wall.
It's 12 feet high, 20 feet long
and on the left hand
side of the wall,
a single word,
"history," written some
70,000 times, varying
in size and shape,
they seem to be vying for space,
pushing and shoving,
hoping to be noticed,
hoping to be remembered.
On the right hand
side of the wall,
the blank side, is just
as much a piece of art
as the left side.
Is the blank side the future?
One suspects, yes.
Because all 70,000 histories
are written upside down,
forcing us to read
them upside down
and thus capsizing the
importance of the past.
And if you focus
solely on the past,
it threatens to
become our present,
or perhaps, even our future.
Get it up!
Get it up more!
Get away!
Our next piece is a
sculpture entitled figurehead.
I like it.
It calls to mind the
figureheads that adorned ancient
sailing ships, most often
wooden carvings of women
or mythical gods.
This figurehead gives
few clues as to the
precise being underneath.
There are hints
of an overall shape,
perhaps a woman,
possibly trying to emerge.
It's impossible to
tell, of course,
because it's hidden
under layer upon layer of
thick paint, rendering
it almost formless.
So what's really
underneath all the paint?
Oh, we don't know.
Don't you want to know?
Well, once a mystery's
scheduled for solution,
it's no longer a mystery, is it?
It's a problem.
But my favorite, piece,
and one I really can't wait
to show you, is this one here.
It has no title and the
artist refused to sign it,
not wishing to influence
its interpretation.
But the unique size
of canvas, the colors,
the variety of media,
leave it all as open
to interpretation as possible.
I wouldn't even know how
to describe it
if you asked me to.
Because it defies every
attempt at description
and categorization.
Help me, Guadalupe!
I doubt the artist
could even reproduce it
if you asked him.
Mi amor.
Art at its very best,
whatever that is.
Well, that concludes our tour.
I'd like to thank you all for
being with us this evening
and the exhibition is
now yours to explore.
Is it working?
My head hurts.
It's working.
So Karen, what are you gonna do
when you get out?
Um, play my harp
a lot.
Eat chocolate cake every night.
Go for some long drives.
Whoa!
Got up too fast.
Whoa.
Is he okay?
He'll be fine,
but I don't think he
has to go pee anymore.
So, Karen,
what kind will you be
driving on those long drives?
You know, I had an old
Chevy blazer for a long time,
drove that thing everywhere.
But it got stolen
a couple years ago
so I just bought a used Volvo.
It's okay, I guess, functional.
Mostly I bought it for
its color.
What color is it?
You know, to think of it,
it's time for an oil change.
I will never have to change
the oil again, will I?
Or pay taxes or clean
the bathroom.
It's green.
Hello?
Oh! Thank you, that's
wonderful news!
Five more minutes.
Yeah, we've heard that before.
I choose to believe it,
everything's gonna be okay,
back to normal.
A normal Christmas.
Well, I don't
know about you guys,
but I'm not going
back to normal.
You know, the only thing
worse than being stuck
in this elevator is being
stuck in third chair.
When I get out of here,
I'm gonna try out for first.
- Mmm.
- - Go Marta.
I'm done playing
for the dead guys.
Not another note until it's
something I wrote myself.
And I'm calling Julliard
and telling them I cheated.
And I'm gonna visit Karen,
see how her surgery went.
And how 'bout you, Mandy?
I really don't know
what I'm gonna do.
I ain't making no resolution.
Come on, tough guy!
You've got to!
These are great.
Mmm-hmm.
They're all you, dimples.
So do you work with
other photographers
or have your own studio or what?
I work at the morgue,
actually, taking
pictures of dead people
for city records and whatnot.
- No kidding?
- - No kidding.
But sometimes, they
were makeup too.
Walter, Walter, Walter,
Walter, Walter, Walter!
All right, enough!
Walter, Walter!
I'm finally gonna
profess my love to the
woman of my dreams.
- Hmm.
- - Yeah.
So who's the
lucky dame, big guy?
Dawn.
I always knew you had
beady eyes for me, Walter.
Okay, if I keep the backstreet
boys sheets on my bed?
As long as you're between them.
Oh, brother.
Hey!
Get out of my way!
Hello?
Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you, very much,
thank you, thank you.
Merry Christmas.
There are a few
holes in the roof boys,
you might want to check 'em out.
One, two, three, four.
Hey guys, the power's back up,
I want to thank all of
you, well, most of you,
for being so patient.
We should be moving
in just a second.
Merry Christmas to us.
Yes! Yes!
Get everything, get everything.
Uh, okay, could
change everything.
Do you mind if I keep this?
Knock yourself out.
I was thinking maybe...
go ahead.
No, no, no, you go.
I was gonna say, maybe we
should try climbing up the top?
That's a terrible idea.
I was gonna say that when
this is finally over,
if we're not two dead people,
then we should, uh, yes, yes!
Yes! Thank you!
We love you!
Six am.
What's everybody gonna do now?
I'm gonna go for a jog
and then a doughnut.
I want to go to bed and a movie.
Hey, Glen, thanks
for the art, man.
Yeah, it was neat.
And Nick, I've just
got to know about,
well, no, actually, no,
I don't want to know.
Tim? You never told
us where you were going.
Oh, I'm headed to the hospital.
My wife, she had a
small tumor removed.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Oh, I hope it went well.
No, it's no big deal.
We knew what it was and
we knew how to fix it.
Call CNN as well.
I don't know what...
I love you!
Sir, are you okay?
What's going on in there?
Wow.
Been in here a long time.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
So are you gonna take the
stairs the rest of the way?
No, my buddy lives
a few floors up
so I think I'm going to take
my chances with the beast.
It helps me.
Very brave.
You know, I never
asked you your name?
Ann.
Well, Annie, I
think the two of us
should probably see each other
again, relatively quickly,
someplace with a little
more real estate.
What do you say to that?
I have a boyfriend.
No kiddin'?
No kidding.
Dashing and loaded,
I assume.
He's in tech support.
Does he have any idea
how beautiful you are?
I do.
Crikey, no one
even knew we were here.
Well, we did.
Come on, guys, bring it in.
Well, I gotta go, see you guys.
Get home safe.
Hi.
Bye, Glen.
Hey, thought I'd come
along for the ride.
Jogging, we're
gonna get doughnuts.
Oh, I really
want to watch that movie.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Oh, excuse me!
Dude!
It's no big deal.
Well, looks
like I'm going like this.
Fantastic.
Damn biker!
Hey, happy birthday
and merry Christmas.
I'm so sorry I missed
the party last night.
Oh my gosh, don't
worry about it.
I didn't make it either.
Look, I'll see you soon and
I'll tell you all about it
but you are never gonna
believe what happened to me.
Try me.
Dude, you're late
for a lesson, yah?
Where have you been?
I don't know.
Guys?
Guys?
was your first mistake.
You see, department
stores are designed
on the premise that
people naturally travel
in a clockwise direction.
Go counterclockwise and
you'll spend less money.
Huh, maybe.
Hmm.
Whoo-hoo, I got a trophy.
I'm James.
Oh, right, James, come in,
sit down over there.
James Harris?
Yes.
I want a signed contract,
not tickets to hear somebody
cry in Italian for three hours.
Get Steven on the phone.
Steven's in, um, London, sir.
It's Christmas Eve there.
Did I bloody ask
you what time it was in London?
Now, what if,
instead of paying for things
with money, you could
tell the cashier a story
that you've never
told anyone before
and the crazier it was, the
more stuff you could buy?
Would the story have to be true?
100% or else you get tased.
No wait, if the tumor's there,
we take it, right?
That's why we operate.
You saw her heart, the
damage was already done.
If I'd have seen it on the MRI,
I would have never
opened her up.
And you're okay with that?
Whoa, ho, hold up!
That there,
what's the problem
with you people?
Don't you know what
a penthouse is?
I do not want a pillar
obstructing my view!
I'm afraid that's
just not possible, sir.
I mean, we could do it
but we'd have to change
the five floors underneath.
Well, it just so happens
that I own those five floors
and all the bloody
floors beneath them.
I have Steven on the
phone for you, sir.
Yeah, Steven?
Do to unforeseen
financial constraints
placed upon pavlick energy
a reorganization's
become necessary,
which results in the
termination of James Harris.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
I'm getting fired?
No, laid off.
But it's Christmas Eve.
Hey, Turk, what's up, buddy?
What?
Six to eight weeks?
Oh my god! What am I gonna
do for a running back?
We're gonna be late!
We're always late remember?
All aboard who's coming aboard.
Hurry guys, hurry up!
Just chill,
guys, it's Christmas.
Come on, dawn!
Okay, look at this, good
thing we're all friends here.
What about Jacob?
There's no
way he'd fit in, just go.
Oh, come on, Jacob.
He'd better hurry.
Sorry boys, got a transport.
Oh well, well, it's Dr. Roberts.
Nurse ratchet.
Wait a minute,
isn't that the same...
don't worry, she'll be out
cold for another two hours,
then some poor nurse will
have to break her the news
because you'll be long gone.
Yeah, she's supposed
to be out in 30 minutes.
I should be there in 26,
assuming the subway's on time
and the crosswalk signals are
still set for commuter flow.
I don't want
to hear that right now.
Listen, it's Christmas
Eve, we'll do it
after the new year, okay?
We'll have lunch, then
we'll let the new guys
introduce themselves
and I'll cover the comp.
Hey, quick question,
I'm down a running back,
who do you take, Moreno...
Hello?
Can you hear me?
Um, sir, I just
thought I'd remind you,
it's your son's birthday.
And it's Christmas,
should I send him a gift
in your name, maybe?
Reading my mind already?
What was that?
Shit!
What the hell?
- That's not good.
- - That's not good
at all.
Am I blind?
Anyone got any ideas?
I always knew I would
die in an elevator.
I want you to scatter my
ashes over our apartment.
On the roof or like
on the floors and stuff?
Maybe just in the fish tank,
like a little each day.
Just like, you
know, a doo-doo-doo.
Did you know your fingernails
grow for like a year
after you're dead?
Actually, that's a myth.
As the body decomposes,
the skin recedes,
making it appear as if
the nails are growing,
but they're not.
Was that the brainiac
or the clean freak?
I think it was the brainiac.
The proper term for clean freak
is obsessive compulsive.
Used primarily as an adjective,
but sometimes as a noun.
So I wash my hands a lot.
You should thank me.
This is getting freaky.
Stu, hey, dude,
it's me.
Yeah, what's going
on out there, man?
You're kidding me.
The whole city?
What are you telling me?
Zombies, I knew it would
always end up like this.
You getting your face
ripped off by bikers
and me stuck in an
elevator with, hold please,
what's your name?
Dimples?
You said dimples to me?
Interesting.
Dimples and I'm stuck with her.
And it would appear that
we may just be the last man
and woman on earth soon.
Great power does come
with great responsibility.
You know what, Stu?
This doesn't make
any sense, man.
You know why, because I
don't get cell reception
in elevators, which
means this conversation
isn't happening.
Which means, texting
probably doesn't work either.
Hmm.
Hi.
Do you know how long it's been?
Since I fell in love?
Since the elevator
stopped moving?
10 minutes maybe?
You live in 38?
41?
Hey, do you live in 42?
Hey, you live in 43?
Yes, I live in 43.
I thought that snake
charmer lived in 43.
No, he's in 53,
next to the clogger.
The clogger, that's right.
So how long you lived here?
Four years. You?
I don't live here.
I pop in, I make a
difference, I pop out.
But I'm not afraid
of commitment either.
You know what I heard?
I heard that if you
make it to five years,
this building does something
super dope for you.
They turn your hot water
on for an entire day.
So, I should probably swing
by and use your shower.
You know?
Are you all right in there?
Cover your eyes!
Okay.
Whoa!
Everyone get back.
Sir, your Van's
conducting electricity.
Don't touch anything.
Do you understand?
I will be all right if
I can find my Guadalupe.
Hello!
Anybody! I'm stuck
in the elevator!
You gotta help me!
I'm pregnant, I'm
a pregnant woman.
I'm about to have my
baby in the elevator,
if you don't come
right now, I'm gonna,
my water just broke!
You gotta help me, please!
Yeah, you want to
help me out here?
Ex-employees
shall not infringe
upon the workspace of company,
nor use its resources,
tools, or services
at any time.
I get it, you're pissed
'cause I laid you off.
Ex-employees shall be
barred from association
with current employees
on company property.
Help!
Whether or not
such interaction...
- you're a lunatic!
- - Is at the invitation
of a current employee.
Listen, bro, it's Christmas Eve.
I don't want to be in
here anymore than you do.
Why don't you help me
get us both out of here?
Get out and go where?
I don't have a job, remember?
You think I enjoy
laying people off?
Nope, firing people.
You fired me.
You want to think
I'm evil? Go ahead!
I'd like to think
of you as human.
I really would, but when you
can't spare fantasy football
for five minutes to
square up with a guy
whose life you just
turned upside down,
well then you seem more like
the spawn of Satan himself.
You ever play fantasy football?
No, I'm not a loser.
Oh, okay, thank you.
It's a power outage,
they're working on it.
Five minutes at the most.
Walt, if you don't stop
elbowing me, I'm gonna kill you.
You hear that everybody?
Give queen dawn
her precious space.
Up yours, Walt.
Could you just
be quiet a minute?
I'm trying to make this call.
There's no service in here.
Hey, sis?
Uh, if you get this
message, it's Marta.
I'm stuck in an elevator
with the orchestra.
I think we're all gonna die.
- Oh, god!
- - Oh come on, Marta,
shut the hell up!
That was uncalled for, Walt.
You shut up yourself.
You just told Walt to shut up.
I was shutting up
the shutter upper.
It's different.
What if we miss the
entire Christmas concert?
I wouldn't care if I
never played another concert
in my entire life.
Oh come on, you don't mean that.
Ugh.
Oh, seriously?
- Oh.
- - Okay, who did that?
Nice try, Walt?
I'm so backed up right now
I couldn't fart to save my life.
Who ever did the
deed, I hope you die
a long and painful death. Ow!
I think I just threw up.
Ugh, what's that on my neck?
Is that throw up on my neck?
It's probably just sweat.
Marta?
Maybe I didn't, maybe
I didn't, it's okay.
How can you not know
whether or not you threw up?
It's your own sweat.
Back off.
Hey, relax kid.
- Bring it bad boy.
- - Hey!
Walt!
Come on, come on.
Stop the madness!
What was that?
Who the hell has a gun in here?
I don't have a gun.
Me neither.
I wish I had a gun.
A woman of my beauty
can never be too careful.
Shh.
Damn it.
Let me guess again, cakes?
In the business of cakes?
You don't work for
the government.
What are you an attorney?
What are you, a
private detective?
Do I look like a private dick?
I wouldn't say private.
Paralegal.
Ahh.
- I was wondering...
- you know...
I'm sorry, go ahead.
No, no, no, you should go.
I was just gonna say,
maybe we should try
yelling or jumping up
and down or something?
Really?
I was gonna say that coat
is totally wrong for you.
You're a fashion critic now?
No, it's deeper than that.
I'm a deep guy.
No thanks.
You ever poor crackle all
over a scoop of ice cream?
I don't know.
Well, you're the ice cream
and that coat is your shell,
that's your hiding place.
Well, if you can tell
I'm trying to hide,
I must not be doing a
very good job of it.
Why would you possibly want
to hide how beautiful you are?
I mean, what are you afraid of?
Little ole' me?
Wait, I got it.
You're an only child, right?
You're a sorority
girl at Harvard,
just like mommy was.
And then you went to law
school and you thought
you met Mr. right but he
dumped you final semester
when he realized he
could be the next
wolf of wall street.
You managed to graduate but
you were so distraught
you just couldn't
pass the bar and so you
told all your friends
that you're a lawyer
even though, really,
all you do is work for one.
Here comes my favorite part.
It's why I saved it for last.
I can't wait.
You've always wanted
to be a cheerleader.
What are you doing?
Well, I'd like to
take a picture of you.
Stop! Hey! Stop!
Come one, show me
what's under that shell.
Stop!
Show me some emotion,
yeah, that's it.
We're in the surgery wing,
headed down to recovery
on the third floor.
How can that be?
This is a hospital.
Got it.
There's a glitch with
the backup generators,
should be 10 to 15 minutes.
You better hope
it's fixed before sleeping
beauty wakes up or one
of you's gonna have to
tell her the truth.
The truth is a
cardiac liposarcoma.
Nothing anybody could
have done about it,
except god.
She had that bitch covered.
How's that?
She asked me to pray
with her before surgery.
And?
Maybe we should jump up
and down to get it going.
Yes!
No.
No.
Oh.
Well, I'm Molly.
I have been sober
for 45 minutes.
I was headed to eat Chinese
with my bff, Sherry,
who will tell you about
herself in just a minute.
Oh, I'm a Sagittarius and
I'm allergic to peanuts,
which is rare to
be a Sagittarius
and allergic to peanuts.
I'm Sherry, rhymes with canary.
In a past life I was a cyberkinetic
force of unknown origin,
but in this life, I'm a
poetry major.
Which means I pay the
rent by testing cosmetics,
which is why my face
is kind of puffy today.
Don't stare.
I am Nick.
I'm an art curator.
I was supposed to
lead the benefit tour
of the abstract exhibit
at the met tonight.
Just me, in new
York's leading lights.
Yeah, instead I get to
spend it with four strangers
who clearly wash their hands
less than three times a day.
That's the national average.
I know.
My name is Glen.
I'm Tim Giles.
And first off, cyberkinetic
forces, if they exist at all
have origins as
definable as any other,
unless they lay outside the
realm of time and space,
which is impossible.
Secondly, I don't buy that
you're going out for Chinese.
Not in those shoes.
Uh, well, we're headed to
a salsa bar to dance
with illegal people.
It's our little
Christmas charity.
So sue us.
It's not a winnable case.
Are you kidding me?
Why so serious? Huh?
We got a party here!
Looking good.
Stop!
Say what you're gonna say.
We got a problem
getting you out of there.
I know this.
Que pasa?
We got people stuck in
elevators all around the block.
Your Van severed
their main power line.
I screw the pooch?
Yeah, you did.
But your Van is also
connecting the two halves
of the backup line.
The reason those elevators
haven't fallen to the ground
is because your Van is
conducting electricity to their
emergency breaks.
What are you gonna do?
We're gonna dig down
either side of you,
splice a line around your Van,
lift you up and get
you out of there.
Hope it works.
Me too.
Can I get you anything else?
Yeah.
I want to see my senora.
Guadalupe?
My real senora.
A gunshot?
I don't think so, no.
But if we did have
a gun in here,
would that help us
get out quicker?
Tell them we'll shoot
a person every hour until
they rescue us.
No wonder you're a drummer,
you're so aggressive.
10 more minutes, more or less.
They're working on it
as fast as they can.
Let's pry the doors open.
We could shoot them open.
I never want to
see that gun again.
Rotate?
Yeah.
Gonna be starting the
hallelujah chorus about now.
They're asleep.
Why would you say that?
You're one of the world's
most accomplished violinists.
I'm one of the world's
most bored violinists.
I wanted to be a dancer.
Then why aren't you?
My mother made me give
it up for the violin.
I got to admit, playing
dead guy's compositions
over and over again
kinda bums me out.
Mozart, Bach, Handel,
those guys have got more
control over my life than I do
and they've been dead
for over 300 years.
Yeah, when I was a little
girl I used to dream of
playing for the
queen of England.
I taped a picture of
her to my bedroom wall
and practiced in front of it.
Two years ago, there she was
sitting in our audience.
When I warm up before a concert,
I do it exactly the way
my father taught me.
It's like a prayer to him.
I like boy bands.
Please tell me that wasn't dawn.
She's got a gun,
she can like whoever she wants.
Come on, I said I was sorry.
I didn't mean to freak you out.
Now, how long has it been
since we got stuck in here?
Ugh, two hours?
It's the only elevator
in the building, right?
Yeah.
So they gotta know that
we are still stuck in here!
I'm not an only child.
What?
I'm not an only child.
I'm the middle of five.
My dad was a janitor
but I did have all the
aspirations of the rich kids.
Debate club, early graduation,
and the whole bit.
But as soon as I got
accepted to Princeton
and Yale and Harvard,
I realized I just,
I really didn't want
to go to any of them.
It was, I don't know,
I was just completely burnt out.
So I stayed home
and went to a couple
community college classes.
I'm not even a paralegal.
Ahh, lies.
I just make copies and coffee.
Speaking of which,
I'm really hungry.
Do you have anything
in these bags?
I don't know.
I'll make you a deal.
Hello? Hello!
Harris and son, can you hold?
No, I can't.
Okay, sir, what's the problem?
What do you think
the problem is?
I'm stuck in this
damned elevator!
Yeah, I see that.
Uh, we're dealing with
a situation down here.
I'm gonna check it out
as soon as possible.
Really sorry about that.
You've just spoken
four complete sentences
without providing one drop
of pertinent information.
I already realize my
elevator has a situation
and you being sorry
in and of itself
is not pertinent.
Your checking out the
problem is not pertinent.
I doubt that you
are even pertinent!
But whoever you are, you
better get this elevator moving
in one minute or
I will find you,
fire you, and then make
sure that you are fired
from your next three
jobs after that.
Is that pertinent
enough for you?
Hello? Hello?
Over two hours.
What's going on?
It can't be that hard
to reset the system.
Don't let him get to you, doc.
The idea of a higher power
helps someone, then great.
Personally, I don't buy it.
You don't buy it
or you don't buy
that anyone should buy it?
I don't like to see
good people get hurt
putting faith in things
that aren't real.
Did you get hurt, doc?
It's just not real.
Are heart transplants real?
Of course they are.
Now, but they were only
imaginary a few decades ago.
So if we wait long enough
then anything can be...
ow!
Hello?
Yeah?
Okay.
I think we might have
killed the backup system.
If ever there was an argument
against intelligent design...
Ping.
Huh, "abandon hope,
all ye who enter here."
Okay, I'm gonna pretend
that I didn't see that.
Could you
please stop doing that?
Hey, we're stuck between
the 15th and 16th floors.
We're aware of that.
So the logical solution
is to lower us half a floor
by accessing the reserve cable.
There's no such
thing as a reserve cable,
but nice try.
Don't patronize me,
we all have the same problem,
one problem, increasing the
ratio of problem solvers
to said problem inevitably
improves our chances
of solving that
problem is less time.
Sir, we are working very hard...
possibility number one,
a secondary source of power
as evidenced by the
backup lights is available
and while probably insufficient
to simultaneously power
every elevator in the
building, might be fed
exclusively to one.
Seven and a half
billion people in the world
and you manage to piss
off the one man who could
possibly help us.
There are only 7.163
billion people in the world.
Point taken.
It was dark, it was misty,
it was no night to
be running out of gas
on a lonely country road.
The husband locked
his wife in the car
while he went for help.
But when he came
back, she was dead
and there was someone
he'd never seen before
in the car with her.
But the doors had
not been opened,
the windows had not
been rolled down.
- The car...
- it was a baby.
Why can't you take a
picture of an Indian woman
with hair curlers?
You need a
camera to take a picture,
not hair curlers.
Take an empty wine
bottle, drop a coin it
and put a cork in the
top of the bottle.
How can you get the coin
out without removing
the cork?
There's no such thing
as a question without
an answer.
You might not know it
now, but it's out there,
waiting to be found.
Wanting to be found.
It's almost always simple.
So simple, it's almost silly.
And when you find it,
well, there's no feeling
like it in the world.
My wife's gonna kill me.
My dad's gonna kill
me when he finds out
I was fired.
Laid off.
He's a big time developer.
All he cares about
is work and money.
He's building a skyscraper
with a five floor penthouse,
just for him.
You know, I've had to
lay off 238 people since I
started this job?
I have list at home of
everybody I've ever laid off.
I don't know why I keep it.
Probably helps you to
pretend you really care.
What are you a Saint?
It's like watching tornado
coverage on the news,
you know you should feel
bad but then you just
change the channel and
thank god it wasn't you.
You know what the execs
call you employees?
Care bears.
Know what they call you?
Snow white because
you're so bored
and disengaged that you
might as well be dead.
Snow white?
Yeah, Dave called you Sasquatch,
but he never made any sense.
Dave, you know Dave slept
on my couch one night?
Yeah, company Christmas
party two years ago.
Dave, designated driver Dave,
gets so sloshed, calls
a cab, climbs inside,
and can't remember
where he lives.
The hotel gives him my
address since I'm the guy
who paid for the party,
he shows up at my house,
he's got no idea he's
at the wrong place.
He waltzes in on my wife and me,
so we take him out and
put him on the couch.
Next morning we get up,
he's gone without a trace.
Blanket's folded
up, the whole bit,
like he was never there.
And he never said a word
about it and neither did I,
but every Christmas, there's
a plate of sugar cookies
arrives on our doorstep.
Little reindeer sugar cookies
and I know it's
Dave bringing them.
That's not Dave.
It's accounting.
They put eyedrops in them,
diarrhea.
That explains a lot.
Oh, I know, it's just the
worst thing ever, isn't it?
- Perfect.
- - Okay.
All right.
Wow.
Let's do it.
Sir?
Hello? Yes, I'm in here!
We're trying to get you down.
There's a power
outage a block away
and it looks like
it might be awhile.
Just open the damn door!
You're between floors, sir,
- even if we could...
- is there anything
you know how to do?
Sir, I'm trying my...
you're fired!
That's what you are!
Hello?
Hello? Come back here!
Hello? Hello?
Oh, shit!
Get me
out of here!
Like this.
Well, it's
not as big as my face.
You gotta push harder.
Ow! You little runt.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I almost started to pee.
Think of something else.
Think about cars.
What kind of car do
you think she drives?
What's she do, chief?
She's a harpist
in the orchestra.
So she's gotta
drive something big
enough to haul the harp around.
She's what? 35?
A young, poor musician,
it's gotta be used.
A 2001 Volvo wagon.
No, her husband's a
computer programmer.
So, we do have a
little money. Hmm.
A Land Rover?
Could be.
10 bucks says it's red.
Why?
Musicians love red.
Passionate artist, dressed
in black all the time.
Whenever they can,
they choose red.
Says who?
Says...
Studies.
I bet her car's
black 'cause she's
conditioned to like black.
I bet it's brown.
Look at her hair color.
She's kept it natural.
How 'bout you, Dr. moneybags?
Mmm, I'll say
white, not off white,
pure white.
You know, like heaven.
Here we go.
Look, let's be honest,
god, white beard, angels.
Isn't that the most ridiculous
thing you've ever heard?
Is there anything
about our existence
that isn't ridiculous?
Sure there is.
Let's assume the
universe existed
only as random chaos
and 14 billion years ago
there was a big bang
and out of it came planets
and stars and vegetables
and cavemen and the
five of us all sitting
right here in this elevator?
Is that possible?
You bet it is.
And is it also crazy?
Yeah, because I don't care
how any of us got here,
it's mind-blowing,
incredible and grand.
All right, a beautiful,
young wife whose heart is being
strangled now, explain that
and a loving god to me,
on this fine Christmas Eve?
I can't.
I'll tell you what
I can explain.
One summer evening
when I was 10,
I was playing outside because
my parents were fighting.
The sun was going down
and I turned around
to look at my house
and I had this feeling
as clear as anything
that god knows who I am.
It wasn't like, here's
the whole story,
or now it's us against
them, it was just
know this,
know this one thing.
And, uh, I could
never deny what I felt
at that moment
and hanging on to it
gets me passed the things
that I don't understand.
I don't know everything,
but it doesn't mean
I don't know anything.
Yeah, yeah,
we're almost down to the mains.
That's great, not too deep.
Yeah, well, I'll get
right back to you.
Mr. Cooper?
Mrs. Lopez?
If we're halfway between floors,
the top of our elevator's
got to be no more
than 10 feet from
the next floor.
Why not just break the
bottle to get the coin out?
You can't break the bottle.
Can you melt it?
No, because you can't
alter the condition
of the bottle in any way.
Hey, could you give
me a boost, big guy?
Okay.
Ah, let's play charades.
Yes!
I'll go first.
- It's movie.
- - Yes.
Two words.
There's no light
coming from the other floors.
No way to tell how
far the next one is.
A horse, a deer?
Deer hunter?
It's a dog.
If we could get up there,
the doors probably wouldn't
open with the power out.
Benji?
Hounds of the damned?
Old yeller.
Yeah.
How did he get that?
Saddest movie ever,
scarred me for life,
I loved it.
Saddest thing you
can think of, go!
A puppy in a full body cast
and he's crying and
in the reflection
of one of the tears,
there's a unicorn and he's
starving to death.
Hmm, it's hard to top that.
Yes, it is.
A boy who eats his best friend.
Ew.
Um, a bunny who falls in a well
and no one can
save him because...
everyone's been eaten.
Your turn, Einstein,
saddest thing ever.
Well, there was a
scientist who lived
300 years ago who
wanted to figure out
how much the earth weighed.
And he theorized a
series of measurements
that could be taken
using pendulums, weights,
and counterweights.
He spent years building
his ingenious contraption
and then he died.
He knew exactly how
to get the answer,
but he never got to know it.
Everything that
has ever occurred,
everything that ever will occur
is subject to laws
that are knowable
and with enough
of that knowledge,
you could literally
understand everything.
And to live in
recognition of that Gulf,
between what is knowable,
which is everything,
and what we actually know,
which is almost nothing,
well that's more than sad.
It's the ultimate human tragedy.
You know the problem
with this company?
Global energy's a
big challenge, right?
So we think we gotta
be a big company,
so we end up big and
slow and old-fashioned.
No way to stay ahead of
the curve when you're built
like an aircraft carrier.
Yeah, it's the worst
place to be though,
ahead of the curve.
Why?
Everyone is always
focusing on energy sources,
I mean you can get
energy from anything:
Water, corn, dead dinosaurs,
but it's the delivery
of energy that poses
the greatest opportunity.
And it's simple.
You mean microgrids?
No, no, no.
The fiberoptic?
Nope.
What?
What is this? Your Magnum opus?
Check it out.
This is your idea?
I said it was simple.
Why haven't you
shared this with anyone?
I'm in tech support,
or rather was,
plus, it's not fully
thought out yet.
I mean, I can deliver
energy straight to your
front porch, but if you've
got a house with stoneage
circuitry, well, that's where
the magic ends.
Well, who says you need
to go inside the house?
Make them go out and get it.
Not the people, the gadgets.
They want a second extension,
one way or another, somebody's
gonna hung out to dry
and it ain't gonna be me.
Call the fixer, get the
names of all the other
competitors, take out
separate lawsuits,
get Hillman back
from his honeymoon,
he can help.
And find the name of
Kelso's favorite restaurant,
buy it, we can't
wine and dine him,
let's make damn sure
no other bugger can.
Show me what's
underneath that shell.
Think about the clogger.
I hate the clogger.
How much do you hate him?
Clogging in the morning,
clogging in the evening,
clogging 'til you want to die.
He clogs for the girl in 43.
But you know what,
she's not a lover,
she's a fighter.
We're not making copies today.
She's got a jaw of steel,
ladies and gentlemen.
Show me what's
underneath that shell.
A heart of glass.
What does that mean?
When that heart gets broken,
ain't nobody gonna come in...
okay, you know what, I'm done.
I just, I want my
stupid candy bar, okay?
All right.
You earned it.
I kind of hate you.
Hola, Jorge.
Hey, hey!
No, no.
And I want him scared stiff,
I want him scared into action.
These people, they aren't tough,
they're weak people
trying to act tough.
They're wasting my time.
Please? Won't somebody help me?
I am stuck in here!
Help me!
God help me.
I'll dose her down
to make it last,
but if her vitals
drop, you're gonna have
the mother of all
lawsuits on your hands.
I'm gonna have the
mother of all divorces
on my hands if I don't
get out of here soon.
I promised my wife I'd take
her to the met tonight,
some Christmas Eve art thing.
Just go in the corner.
Not in here, you don't.
Let me show you a trick.
Ah, I don't think
that'll handle the volume.
I did a rotation at
in eastern medicine.
I'm gonna show you
how to block out
pain with your mind.
Stick this into my neck.
The mind controls the body.
The body serves the mind.
Through the mind, into the body.
- So...
- shh.
My body is hereby denied
permission to feel pain.
My mind has not authorized it.
My mind has not deemed it so.
Right here.
All at once.
Ha.
Ha.
Take it out!
Take it out!
I can't!
Come here.
Hold still, hold still.
You said you wouldn't feel it.
Yeah.
Karen? Can you hear me?
Try not to move.
Heart rate is climbing.
Probably from
somebody screaming.
Karen, I want you to relax.
Can you hear me?
Where's my husband?
After several days,
officials changed the mission
from one of rescue to recovery.
But friends and
family held out hope,
staging a candlelight vigil
in the building's lobby
mere feet from where the
group were last seen.
And it's a regular sized coin?
Regular sized coin,
regular sized bottle,
regular sized cork.
Not a time travel thing?
So, uh,
what do they mean?
Oh, uh, lots of things.
Uh, this one's for my grandpa.
This one's my mom.
This is my goldfish, Mr. sundae,
he still hasn't figured
out what he wants to say.
Um, what about,
uh, um, this one?
That one?
That one's complicated.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Who's it for?
A friend.
A, uh, a girlfriend?
Not anymore.
Is that water?
You have water?
Yes.
I think we should
give it to Jacob.
I'm all right for now.
I think we should save it.
In case we're
trapped in a smaller,
hotter, elevator some day?
Maybe Jacob's right,
maybe we should save it.
Crimeny!
I'll give you $20 for it.
I'll give you $100 for it.
Since when do
you have 100 bucks?
We'll save it for later.
Yeah.
Christmas Eve, solo performance,
what do you play?
I'll be home for Christmas.
Bing Crosby,
better than Beethoven.
Got similar chord progressions.
Not sure what we could
bring to the lyrics.
Oh yeah.
It's the same delivery
system you're talking about
but we apply it to both sides,
doubling its efficiency.
What about rural areas?
You know, places that
don't draw that much power?
Maybe we could sell the
Midwest back to the French.
Or, we could
offset the difference
with a bigger push
from the primary?
- I don't know.
- - No, no, no.
We're making it too complicated.
The beauty of it was
its simplicity. Right?
How do we turn a rural
area's remoteness,
into a benefit?
Hello? Is anybody there?
I need to reach my son.
I have to tell him that...
I didn't expect
him to understand.
I certainly don't
expect him to forgive me
but he ought to know
that I know that I screwed up.
I've got a lot of stuff.
That's not what we had.
You, your mum, and me
had a one bedroom
flat in north London.
Archway.
You probably don't remember it
but we were rich.
All this other stuff,
it's nothing!
They dress you up,
they tell you you can
buy everything you want,
act like you own the world,
but that isn't it.
We were rich, James, Jimmy.
So sorry.
I blew it.
Do you feel anything, Karen?
No.
I can't feel my chest.
Your sternum is held
together with staples,
so it's important that
you hold very still, okay?
How'd it go?
Tumor did a lot of damage.
Much more than we
could see on the MRI.
It's not good, Karen.
Am I gonna die?
You probably have a few weeks.
Maybe a month.
Do I have to spend
the rest of it in here?
This all seems
very strange, I know,
but, uh, you'll be
out of here soon
and back together
with your husband.
No...
I'm not going to tell him.
Why not?
Well, he already knows
too much about everything.
He doesn't need to know this.
Don't we have to tell him?
Legally, she's the only
one we have to inform.
He'll know soon enough
what's happening to me.
Dr. Roberts?
Yes?
I need something from you.
What's that, Karen?
I need you to pray for me.
- I'll be sure to...
- I want you to pray
for me now.
Karen, I don't think
that a prayer is gonna...
I'm not asking
for a miracle, doc.
Just a prayer.
Dear god, if
- you're there...
- he's there,
doc, he's there.
We have a woman here...
I have a name.
Karen is very sick.
Be honest, doc.
Would you let me do this?
Karen is going to die.
She has a tumor on her heart
and there's nothing
that we can do about it.
So if there's anything
that you can do,
please do it.
She's going to be
in a lot of pain and
her husband is
going to need help.
Her family and friends
and all of us,
we all need to know something.
Not everything, just something.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
You should have prayed for
the elevator too, chief.
Well, dimples,
if they haven't
figure it out by now,
they ain't gonna figure
it out 'til morning.
So, don't let the bed bugs bite.
Got any more candy bars?
I wish.
You know, you changed me.
I what?
Well, you wanted to
prove I was beautiful,
and the first thing
you did was change
my hair and makeup.
Okay, that's called putting
your best foot forward.
I believe the Greeks
invented that.
Well, if you really
thought I was beautiful,
you would've have
just taken my picture.
I'm sorry, uh,
who's photo was it that I
just took about 300 times?
Someone you made
me pretend to be.
No, that was you.
I took those pictures of you.
If waking you up and
welcoming you back
to the rest of us is wrong,
then you can lock me up
and throw away the key.
Because when some east
villager with non-prescriptive
lenses in his glasses
makes concentric circles
of elephant shit on a
canvas and calls it art,
I thank Monet.
I thank him for
painting lilypads
instead of the
dead carp floating
on top of the pond,
I lost my metaphor.
But you know where
I'm coming from.
And I think you liked it.
I think I want to
take some more pictures.
You know, I just want to say...
I'm not afraid to eat
you guys if that's
what it comes down to.
Think I figured out why
you're still single, Walt.
There are no
secrets in elevators.
Well, then
I cheated on my music
theory final at Julliard.
I have flowers sent to
me after every concert.
I'm the one who farted.
Ow!
There can be no retribution,
it's a confession.
Depends on what you confess.
Hey, we should
shoot the door open.
And then what? Shoot our
way through the brick wall?
Maybe we'll be near an opening.
- Huh?
- - Okay.
Give me some room.
Wait a minute, what
about a ricochet?
This is a really bad idea.
Don't do it, dawn!
I'll give you my water!
Forget the water,
open the damn door!
Don't give up
your water, Kendra.
Maybe we should
all just have a sip.
What? Are we in Africa? Huh?
It's Kendra's
water, she should do
what she likes with it.
Everyone who thinks the
water should remain a symbol
of hope, raise your hand.
This is
ridiculous, it's her water!
Shoot the damn door!
Shut up!
Or I'll pour it out!
Okay, fine, okay,
I will put the gun away.
But I get to choose
the next song.
I want to hear silent night
and I want Mandy to play it.
About halfway down,
the big black one that looks
like it should be pushed.
Yeah, you push it again to
take a picture.
Right, okay, you ready?
You're so pleased with yourself.
Well, wouldn't you be?
I guess I deserved that.
Yes, okay,
let's see you work it.
Come on, dimples,
show me some emotion.
Ooh, all right,
you're the ice cream.
Crack the shell.
Oh, there it is.
That's really nice.
Have you done this before?
This mascara really
brings out your eyes.
Really nice look on you.
I don't know why
you're making me do this.
Yes, you do.
3.1415926535358.
3.14159265358.
3.14159265358.
Hello?
- Hey!
- - Hello?
You guys okay?
Ecstatic, yeah.
We're about to
splice a broken power line.
It might get a little bumpy.
I'll check back in a bit,
see if you need anything.
All right.
Actually, we kind of
need something right now.
What's that?
Well, we've got a wine bottle,
an empty wine bottle
and there's a coin in
it and we want to get
the coin out without
removing the cork.
Couldn't you
just push the cork down
into the bottle, then
pour the coin out?
Ah, yeah, that
might work! Thanks!
The distances
posed by rural areas
are no longer an issue.
Hey, this is security.
Anybody in there?
No, no, nobody here.
We're fine.
Distances are irrelevant
as long as the system
itself remains unchanged.
I mean, it's
pretty simple, right?
Right?
Slap me in the face.
Slap me in the face!
I feel like I'm having
a dream where I'm stuck
inside an elevator,
revolutionizing world energy.
How 'bout we slap each
other at the same time?
To be sure?
Great, I'll count.
One, two, three.
Ow!
I still see it.
I still see it too.
We're not dreaming.
We're not dreaming!
Oh my gosh, you're light.
Come on, Mandy, you
can do better than that.
So, uh, what kind of art thing
were you doing tonight?
It was at a Christmas benefit.
Abstract art in a
post-abstract world.
Why don't you give us the tour?
Oh, seriously,
we want to see it.
I don't think so.
I heart art.
Nothing better to do.
Oh, right.
Huh, you seem taller.
Really?
Good evening, ladies
and gentlemen,
and welcome to the
metropolitan museum of art
and our newest exhibit,
abstract art in a
post-abstract world.
The French art
critic, Andre Gide,
famously stated that art
is a collaboration between
god and the artist and the less
the artist does, the better.
So with that in mind, let's
take a look at some of the
finest collaborations in the
sunset of the movement itself.
Leading off our exhibit is
a piece entitled, war cry.
Based on the title the
viewer might expect
to be presented with a
traditional battle scene.
But is instead presented
with the image of a mirror
painted on a large
chunk of cardboard.
The image itself doesn't
reflect anything,
for the viewer has
to complete the piece
in their own imagination.
What is it they want to see?
What are they afraid to see?
And if there is a war cry,
then where is the war?
Well, perhaps it's in that
location common to us all,
the human psyche.
That sacred place where we
decide what we'll fight for
and what we'll run from.
Moving on now to
our largest exhibit.
It's a concrete wall.
It's 12 feet high, 20 feet long
and on the left hand
side of the wall,
a single word,
"history," written some
70,000 times, varying
in size and shape,
they seem to be vying for space,
pushing and shoving,
hoping to be noticed,
hoping to be remembered.
On the right hand
side of the wall,
the blank side, is just
as much a piece of art
as the left side.
Is the blank side the future?
One suspects, yes.
Because all 70,000 histories
are written upside down,
forcing us to read
them upside down
and thus capsizing the
importance of the past.
And if you focus
solely on the past,
it threatens to
become our present,
or perhaps, even our future.
Get it up!
Get it up more!
Get away!
Our next piece is a
sculpture entitled figurehead.
I like it.
It calls to mind the
figureheads that adorned ancient
sailing ships, most often
wooden carvings of women
or mythical gods.
This figurehead gives
few clues as to the
precise being underneath.
There are hints
of an overall shape,
perhaps a woman,
possibly trying to emerge.
It's impossible to
tell, of course,
because it's hidden
under layer upon layer of
thick paint, rendering
it almost formless.
So what's really
underneath all the paint?
Oh, we don't know.
Don't you want to know?
Well, once a mystery's
scheduled for solution,
it's no longer a mystery, is it?
It's a problem.
But my favorite, piece,
and one I really can't wait
to show you, is this one here.
It has no title and the
artist refused to sign it,
not wishing to influence
its interpretation.
But the unique size
of canvas, the colors,
the variety of media,
leave it all as open
to interpretation as possible.
I wouldn't even know how
to describe it
if you asked me to.
Because it defies every
attempt at description
and categorization.
Help me, Guadalupe!
I doubt the artist
could even reproduce it
if you asked him.
Mi amor.
Art at its very best,
whatever that is.
Well, that concludes our tour.
I'd like to thank you all for
being with us this evening
and the exhibition is
now yours to explore.
Is it working?
My head hurts.
It's working.
So Karen, what are you gonna do
when you get out?
Um, play my harp
a lot.
Eat chocolate cake every night.
Go for some long drives.
Whoa!
Got up too fast.
Whoa.
Is he okay?
He'll be fine,
but I don't think he
has to go pee anymore.
So, Karen,
what kind will you be
driving on those long drives?
You know, I had an old
Chevy blazer for a long time,
drove that thing everywhere.
But it got stolen
a couple years ago
so I just bought a used Volvo.
It's okay, I guess, functional.
Mostly I bought it for
its color.
What color is it?
You know, to think of it,
it's time for an oil change.
I will never have to change
the oil again, will I?
Or pay taxes or clean
the bathroom.
It's green.
Hello?
Oh! Thank you, that's
wonderful news!
Five more minutes.
Yeah, we've heard that before.
I choose to believe it,
everything's gonna be okay,
back to normal.
A normal Christmas.
Well, I don't
know about you guys,
but I'm not going
back to normal.
You know, the only thing
worse than being stuck
in this elevator is being
stuck in third chair.
When I get out of here,
I'm gonna try out for first.
- Mmm.
- - Go Marta.
I'm done playing
for the dead guys.
Not another note until it's
something I wrote myself.
And I'm calling Julliard
and telling them I cheated.
And I'm gonna visit Karen,
see how her surgery went.
And how 'bout you, Mandy?
I really don't know
what I'm gonna do.
I ain't making no resolution.
Come on, tough guy!
You've got to!
These are great.
Mmm-hmm.
They're all you, dimples.
So do you work with
other photographers
or have your own studio or what?
I work at the morgue,
actually, taking
pictures of dead people
for city records and whatnot.
- No kidding?
- - No kidding.
But sometimes, they
were makeup too.
Walter, Walter, Walter,
Walter, Walter, Walter!
All right, enough!
Walter, Walter!
I'm finally gonna
profess my love to the
woman of my dreams.
- Hmm.
- - Yeah.
So who's the
lucky dame, big guy?
Dawn.
I always knew you had
beady eyes for me, Walter.
Okay, if I keep the backstreet
boys sheets on my bed?
As long as you're between them.
Oh, brother.
Hey!
Get out of my way!
Hello?
Yes.
Thank you.
Thank you, very much,
thank you, thank you.
Merry Christmas.
There are a few
holes in the roof boys,
you might want to check 'em out.
One, two, three, four.
Hey guys, the power's back up,
I want to thank all of
you, well, most of you,
for being so patient.
We should be moving
in just a second.
Merry Christmas to us.
Yes! Yes!
Get everything, get everything.
Uh, okay, could
change everything.
Do you mind if I keep this?
Knock yourself out.
I was thinking maybe...
go ahead.
No, no, no, you go.
I was gonna say, maybe we
should try climbing up the top?
That's a terrible idea.
I was gonna say that when
this is finally over,
if we're not two dead people,
then we should, uh, yes, yes!
Yes! Thank you!
We love you!
Six am.
What's everybody gonna do now?
I'm gonna go for a jog
and then a doughnut.
I want to go to bed and a movie.
Hey, Glen, thanks
for the art, man.
Yeah, it was neat.
And Nick, I've just
got to know about,
well, no, actually, no,
I don't want to know.
Tim? You never told
us where you were going.
Oh, I'm headed to the hospital.
My wife, she had a
small tumor removed.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Oh, I hope it went well.
No, it's no big deal.
We knew what it was and
we knew how to fix it.
Call CNN as well.
I don't know what...
I love you!
Sir, are you okay?
What's going on in there?
Wow.
Been in here a long time.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
So are you gonna take the
stairs the rest of the way?
No, my buddy lives
a few floors up
so I think I'm going to take
my chances with the beast.
It helps me.
Very brave.
You know, I never
asked you your name?
Ann.
Well, Annie, I
think the two of us
should probably see each other
again, relatively quickly,
someplace with a little
more real estate.
What do you say to that?
I have a boyfriend.
No kiddin'?
No kidding.
Dashing and loaded,
I assume.
He's in tech support.
Does he have any idea
how beautiful you are?
I do.
Crikey, no one
even knew we were here.
Well, we did.
Come on, guys, bring it in.
Well, I gotta go, see you guys.
Get home safe.
Hi.
Bye, Glen.
Hey, thought I'd come
along for the ride.
Jogging, we're
gonna get doughnuts.
Oh, I really
want to watch that movie.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Oh, excuse me!
Dude!
It's no big deal.
Well, looks
like I'm going like this.
Fantastic.
Damn biker!
Hey, happy birthday
and merry Christmas.
I'm so sorry I missed
the party last night.
Oh my gosh, don't
worry about it.
I didn't make it either.
Look, I'll see you soon and
I'll tell you all about it
but you are never gonna
believe what happened to me.
Try me.
Dude, you're late
for a lesson, yah?
Where have you been?
I don't know.
Guys?
Guys?