Circus Kane (2017) Movie Script
I want them to feel as if
they're really going to die.
I want that.
Yeah, yeah.
I want to hear the screams of terror.
That's what they pay for.
Yes.
I got him, Mr. Kane.
Why so formal?
Young Travis, what did we discuss?
Um, Father.
Much better my boy, much better, now,
what did you bring me?
The gas cans that you asked.
That I asked to be
delivered to the vans.
Put them there for now.
I'm sorry, Father.
It's all right, come here.
You look like you lost something.
Come here, what's that?
Look at that.
That's yours to keep.
Thank you.
Would you like to double your money.
No loss, all gain.
All right, give me the coin,
give me your hand,
right hand, there we are.
Open it.
Open.
But?
But you're empty handed.
Yes.
And what lesson have you just learned.
You have just learned that
nothing in this life is free.
And if something seems
too good to be true,
it probably is.
The key, young Travis,
is knowing where to look.
I want to know.
You want to know what?
Fireballs, how you do fireballs,
the coin too, all of that, teach me.
The art of misdirection
is the power to direct
the audiences attention
in one direction.
While making them
distracted from the other.
Can I try?
Yes, watch the fire.
The flame will tell
you when you release.
Ow.
Endure the pain to learn true magic,
you must endure the pain.
Do you remember my benediction?
Magic, sacrifice.
I want to try again.
All right, go get my kit in
the back of the tent. Hurry.
Miss.
Miss.
I know you've been through a lot
but we need to get your statement.
Why?
We just have some questions,
a few things we need to clear up.
Fine, it all started with the invites,
the golden tickets filled
with false promises.
I'm gonna make you an
offer you can't refuse.
1300 bucks cash, take it or leave it.
I mean come on, man, these are Grable.
She was box office gold
like 12 years running.
Right, that's why I just
offered you 1300 bucks cash
take it or leave it, instead of kissing you
on the mouth and feeding you to the fishes.
Let me just explain something
to you about business.
Grable was a huge star, when?
30's and 40's.
Which means all of her
fans are what, dead.
Which means I'm gonna be holding
onto these until I'm dead,
so it's $1300, take it or leave it.
I mean these were my grandma's dude.
Why don't you give them back to her?
Special delivery.
Is that you Mr. McFeely?
How's your ticker?
If I had a heart it would be fine.
That's junk.
Has anybody ever told you, you bare a
remarkable resemblance to Sammy Davis, Jr.
I'll talk to you later freak.
I'm not a freak, I'm Batman.
Nice.
All right dude, 1300 bucks.
Are you still here?
Yeah I'm still here, give me the money.
All right, all right, all right.
But I feel inflation has brought that
number down to a thousand dollars.
You can't be serious, dude.
I mean 20 seconds ago you
said it was 1300 bucks.
Tick tock.
All right man, give me the money.
You drive a hard bargain.
You're a monster.
I'm a capitalist,
just ahead of the curve.
You're a dick.
I'm Batman.
Greetings and salutations
my lucky victims.
You have been invited to attend a resurrection
and rebirth of the greatest show on Earth.
Let's get this party started,
my little guinea pigs.
Let the games begin!
Yes!
Roxy.
Hey man, how's it going?
Very well thanks, I haven't had to
eject any delinquents into orbit.
It's fucking loud in here.
It's a little hectic.
How's your brother?
He's all right, he's
at home with a sitter.
Oh yeah, I understand. / Yeah.
Well enjoy yourself.
All right, catch you later.
It's the third time this
week you haven't made dinner
just so you could go hang
out with your friends!
It's same fucking thing every time.
I don't understand, are
they more important than me?
No they're not more important than you.
Of course they're not
more important than me.
I've been here fucking
every day this week.
No you're not, you have checked out.
You're looking at your phone right now!
You do not care about me at all.
What are you doing, where
do you think you're going?
Listen to me, Greg?
Okay we're about to be done, if you
don't get off. This has got to be...
You can run, but you can't hide.
Look at you now, son,
now I got to pee on you.
Quarter million dollars, Balthazar Kane.
Somebody's messing with me.
Quarter million dollars,
oh I can do this.
With my boy Balthazar Kane,
yes sir, yes sir, I'm in.
We didn't know the evil we
were getting ourselves into.
We just thought for once
we were the lucky ones.
Hey, I'm Scott.
Roxy.
Oh are we doing introductions?
I'm Eddy England, from
Big Ed's Hoarder Heaven
but you little kiddies and you too, can
call me Ed, or Eddie, or Stallion.
I'm sure you've heard
of my place, right?
Collector's Paradise on Third and Main.
I know that place, it's sick.
Dude, next time you come in
you're getting a 3% discount
on a purchase of a hundred dollars or more.
That goes for any of you.
Carrie, it's a pleasure.
Jake.
Hey I'm Greg.
Hi guys, I'm Tracy.
I'm sorry, I just want to
know if anybody's interested,
I just got in a mint collection
of vintage photographs
of Grable from the 30's and 40's.
Who?
Grable.
She's an actress from the 30's and 40's.
She was the dancer.
I'm a young person dude, so...
Anyway, hi, I'm Tracy, I take it we all
got that creepy golden ticket invitation.
Yep.
So are we all secretly related?
Never say never, why do you ask?
Just wondering how we all
won the lotto, sweetheart.
Fuck, I am out.
I love it, I love it. /
I love it, I love it. I love it.
Clown! Clown-man!
Chill out, dude.
Love it.
We can't even see out of this thing,
how are we supposed to see where we are?
Quit complaining.
It's creepy but kind of sweet.
That's the adventure.
Yeah, it's all right.
Oh my God, these are original posters.
I got that one right there.
Dude I just met you, I'm sure you
don't have an original poster.
When you have an original poster
you have a different aura.
Don't tell me what I got.
Hey did you guys get a
schedule with your invitation,
because mine just came
with a time and place.
No idea, I know as much as you guys do.
Yeah I'm in the same boat unfortunately.
Good questions one, good questions all.
Welcome, my friends, to the Circus
Kane Afterbirth Party Ball.
You're here as my very,
very special guests.
And I have spared no expense for you.
Only the best.
Like the phoenix rising from the
ashes, this dirty bird arises new.
An adventure of horrors
are built just for you.
Thrill and recoil at my new masterpiece.
You'll all be part of my legacy.
Alive, or deceased.
A reviewer, a blogger, a
collector, a scream queen,
a gamer, a rocker, and
blogger and a teen.
You make up every aspect
of the horror community.
I've selected you all for this
very, very horrible opportunity.
Now spread the word as much as you can.
For your audiences will never hear
from your worthless mouths again!
Hello, piggy, piggy, piggy, let's play.
Classic Kane, it's
classic freakin' Kane!
Wait you've seen this one before?
Oh my God, yes I've seen this before.
This guy is like king of
the traveling horror show.
Oh please don't tell me that none of
you have ever seen his shows before?
Nope.
Nope.
Um, no.
I mean I've heard him
mentioned by a few older
shlock horror directors as inspiration when
I used to act, but never actually myself.
Oh my God, I thought I recognized you.
You're the scream queen.
You were in Night Terrors.
Guilty.
Yeah yeah that is you.
I did a review on that movie.
Movie sucked but you were okay I guess.
No, you were amazing, trust me.
From the bottom of my
heart you were amazing.
Oh I worship you.
So we were all selected
from our fan bases?
That's viral marketing at it's finest.
He just wants us post about him.
Who here doesn't have a
shit ton of followers.
Raise your hands if you don't.
My Instagram's lit as fuck.
See what I mean.
No no, he's right, we were all picked
because we're influential
in the horror community.
He just wants to get everybody
hyped about his return.
I've known about Kane for years.
I even have his old comic book,
Circus Kane's Lurking Terrors.
God, I love that comic book.
Dude tell me you still
have it, is it mint?
No what happened was
I was off doing my thing
and my Momma she went and sold it.
You let your Mom sell your comic book.
Don't talk about my momma.
There was that song about him, right?
That Clown Killers single, Burn in...
Insane, yes that's it.
It was college, helped me study.
Hey wait a minute, what
are you doing here, Einstein?
We all have some sort of reference
to Kane, what's your deal?
Thank you, medium-sized Ed,
actually the reason I'm here is 'cause I'm not
scared as shit so I know I'm gonna win.
Also I need the money
because I owe some people.
Who doesn't need $250,000?
You know what, all I care about
is getting my poster signed.
Once he signs them they're
gonna be worth like,
a hundred times what I paid for them.
Why is that, you plan on killing him?
Dude, I'm not the killer,
Kane's the killer.
Oh shit, he killed somebody? / For real?
Yeah I think I read something about him
having some pretty bad legal problems.
Yeah, if you want to call legal problems
burning a man to death,
then he had legal problems.
Seriously, what are you talking about?
Damn.
That's like the song.
The burning man, that's right.
Yeah you guys know the song, right?
This is the ballad of Balthazar Kane
Who burned to a crisp
now he's gone insane
Killer of love by Valentine's name
Burnt, to a jail to
live out his shame
Born of the madness due to the pain
Back from the dead
to play out his game
Run little children
when you hear his name
'Cause there's nowhere to hide
From Circus Kane
That was it.
Wow, that was wonderful.
Out now!
So this is it? / Yeah.
How long was I out for?
I don't know, I was asleep too.
I think everyone was.
They gassed us.
They what?
I think they gassed us.
Don't be ridiculous.
Move! Stairs, now! /
I saw the green gas.
Lay off the drugs, punk.
There must be no one around for miles.
I guess it's all just a
part of the experience huh?
Kane couldn't have picked
a more perfect place.
It's huge, this place is rad.
Creepy.
Talking about the house or the way
Big Ed's been looking at you?
This was totally worth being drugged,
or gassed or whatever he did to us.
Welcome one, welcome all, to the
new and improved Circus Kane.
Enter, if you dare.
Sure thing, Lurch.
Into the haunted mansion we go.
I don't like the way this looks.
Let's do this.
All right.
Are you ready?
The circus is about to begin.
This is gonna be the
easiest money I ever made.
What the fuck?
Hey, where did they go?
Good luck.
Look inside to see your fate.
You think it's a two-way mirror?
No, it's too old for that.
That was nothing, guys.
I've seen that gag a hundred times.
Hey, are you okay?
Yeah I'm fine.
Yo, can I have one of those?
You don't want one of these,
this is medicine.
I've got a bad heart.
What, did you do a little
too much blow there, Big Ed?
I just wasn't expecting
a jump scare that's all.
Who comes to a haunted house
not expecting jump scares?
I'm here to face my fears.
Shall we?
Lead the way.
Ooh that was so scary.
They're gonna have to
do way better than that
or we're all going home
with 250 large, cha-ching.
In my bank account.
Hawaii here I come.
I bet you Big Ed doesn't
make it 20 more minutes.
Yo yo yo yo yo, I was just faking my
heart condition to psyche you out, OB.
Yo yo yo don't shit your
pants and die, old man.
I'm hungry, when do we eat?
Figures.
I'm a growing boy.
No you're not.
Now this is getting interesting.
These photos are horrific.
I think you mean "awesome."
It's like they're just meat.
Aren't we all?
This is gonna look great on my site.
Huh, that's interesting,
I have cell service.
It doesn't exactly fit the whole
abandoned haunted house clich, does it?
I'm telling you man,
it's all for promotion.
You think? / Yeah.
Isn't he full of surprises?
Hello, my marvelous little
martyrs and my little piggies.
Let's get this slaughterhouse
officially started!
But, before we begin,
I would have something
to remember you by
or should I say, to
identify the corpse with.
Now if you'll notice, in the corners of
all the rooms you'll see these red lights.
These, my little piggies,
are cameras that are there
to record every delicious
moment of your demise.
I'll broadcast these
videos to all of your fans
and to all of your followers
after your journey has ended.
So, your descent into madness and
hell can be shared with the world.
I would like you to
share on social media,
to all of your little parasites
for all the world to see...
I told you guys, you see?
Yeah yeah we get it
dude, shut up already.
The Circus Kane!
And your roles as my disciples
of pleasure and pain.
If you're too weak and you can't
take the heat just ask for mercy
with the words, Balthazar Kane,
you win again!
And you are free to leave...
Big Ed never taps out.
You go home empty-handed.
But if you make it all the way though,
you go home $250,000 richer!
Now, I doubt that any
of you will make it
all the way through, and I am quite
confident in what I have in store for you.
This mansion has been in
my family for generations,
and it contains the
vengeful dead of centuries.
And all of it is wired from
top to bottom with cameras
so that you'll never,
ever be truly alone.
Now, as you travel through
the lost shadows of my home,
you may bump into my little
friends here and there.
But...
Let courage be your muse.
And explore at your own peril.
And I promise you nothing less than
the most terrifying night of
you're miserable, little lives.
Release your inner monsters inside
and let darkness be your guide.
Brr, zoinks.
Thelma, I think it's
time we looked for clues.
Do we get a Scooby snack if we find one?
Rooby roo!
Stupid.
Hey! That door just opened.
Looks like a magic room.
Any fool can see that.
Come on, guys.
What just happened?
Let me try.
What the fuck?
Hey, open the door.
It's locked.
Come on guys, open the door.
We have to get in there.
Oh shit, no no no, open the door!
Come on, guys!
Open the fucking door! /
I'm sure he's fine.
Do something.
He doesn't sound okay.
Open the fucking door!
Open the fucking door!
No no!
Let me.
There you go, you loosened it up for me.
Oh Jesus.
What's going on?
Oh this is a gag, guys.
This is Kane.
See, it's nothing.
He doesn't think it's funny.
Where'd he go?
He's good. / Guys,
I think we should help him.
Oh shit. / No, that's a real chainsaw.
He's actually killing him, he's actually
killing him! / That's real!
No, Jake, Jake!
All right, we have to get out of here.
Chill. / This is not good.
I'm calling the police.
No no, don't be ridiculous.
That clown just murdered Jake,
I'm not going to be next.
Put the phone down.
Look, we just met this dude, guys.
I mean seriously, all Jake would talk
about was posting on social media.
This is scaring people 101, right?
Always have a plant.
Sure, this guy they let him cozy
up to us a little bit, right?
And then the next thing you know,
he's over there, they've
obscured his view from us
a little while while
they set up the gag.
I hate to agree with
anybody in this room,
but dude, you are absolutely right.
No dude, listen, I used to see
Kane's shows back in the 80's,
and I saw this one
where he'd take a random
audience member and offer him
$10,000 to cross this tightrope.
And when the guy would get about halfway
across the tightrope, he'd shake it,
and then the guy would fall off and get
impaled by a spike, it was awesome.
But I saw the show 10 times,
and every time I saw the show,
exact same audience member,
exact same fall,
exact same spike, and that's right
when we had the fire 20 years ago.
You know the burning man, we all thought
it was just a big freaking Kane joke.
I can't believe you guys haven't
seen this trick a million times.
Think about it, it's obvious
if you think about it.
Jake is working with Kane.
Yep.
I guess you're right, I mean, we
are at a haunted house attraction.
They are supposed to
be scaring us, right?
Let's just go check out the next room.
It's all right man, come on.
Nice try, Spooky the Clown.
I just saved you guys 250 G's.
Both doors are locked.
So where do we go now?
Maybe there was a hidden
message in the video.
Well it's not like we
can see that in here.
That guy filmed it.
I have a name, you know?
Yeah it's Marky Mark.
Hey man that's a compliment,
he was the voice of a generation.
Well... / Can we see the video? /
Sure.
Well hello my marvelous
little martyrs. / It's looped.
What?
What is that supposed to mean?
It's looped, it's a different voice
playing over an old Circus
Kane commercial from the 90's.
How could you possibly know that?
Dude, I play these
commercials all the time
in my shop, Big Ed's Hoarder
Heaven on 3rd and Main.
Everything's different
except the last line,
the last line's the same in the old
commercial and the new commercial.
Let the darkness guide you.
I think that's a clue.
What does it mean?
I'll tell you what it means.
I have no idea what it means.
You're a genius.
Black lights?
Guys, look.
Okay.
Nothing.
Got something.
Is there anything in there?
I'm checking.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have ourselves a key.
I'll take that, thank you.
All right guys, let's get out of here.
That was easy.
Yeah, because you didn't do anything.
Whoa. / What reeks?
Shit, it's locked.
Well look for some
more arrows or something.
God, it looks so real.
Even the smell.
You don't think...
Oh it's moving.
It's trying to say something.
My little piggies, you're doing so swell
climbing deeper into hell.
You will need to find
the key to set me free.
You are the apple of my eye.
Goodbye.
This is easy, we just gotta find a key.
Well it's a small room,
let's start looking.
Nothing over here so far.
I found something.
What makes you say that?
The bear and an apple.
The apple of my eye.
Does anybody have a knife?
Actually I got one.
Wouldn't have expected
Marky Mark to be a Boy Scout.
Oh it's because I'm wicked
smart Big Ed, wicked fuckin' smart.
Say hello to your mother for me.
There's something in here.
Say hello to my little key.
Anybody want to try it out?
It's the key to my heart,
don't break it.
You would have a little key, Big Ed.
It doesn't work.
What do you mean it doesn't work?
I mean it's too small, it doesn't fit.
She literally just said that.
I've never had that problem, but
we're trying to solve riddles here.
You know, for a haunted
house attraction,
this house has more riddles
than it does scares.
Wait hold on, let me see that key.
That's 'cause this goes to a padlock.
How did you know that?
I used to steal shit, that's why
I owe people money and I'm here.
Dope.
Now what, genius?
OK, here goes nothing.
It's not real.
Oh God. / Oh yeah!
Oh God. / It stinks.
Hold on, there's something in here.
What is it?
Can't find it, oh God.
Oh it's just a speaker.
There's nothing...
there's no key or anything.
It's in the eye.
That's really gross.
Well who wants to try out that theory?
Somebody help me out, come
on, want to help me out?
Nope.
Seriously, nobody?
I'm lactose intolerant.
Fine, I'll do it.
All right.
I knew I liked you.
Oh God.
That's awesome.
Oh there we go, there we go.
There's the key.
Get the key.
Ooh, it's slimy.
Come on, let's get the fuck out of here.
This room creeps me out, oh God.
What was ahead of us was the worst
things anyone could ever imagine.
It was the depths of hell and
we were going in willingly.
We got a demon.
What the hell, that's not cool.
And two rooms.
More obstacles, 'cause
that's not annoying.
Like for sure, what's a matter,
don't you have an app for that?
Bring it on...
Do you think you're funny?
Just wondering 'cause it's sad.
That's a good one.
Hey.
Don't I know you?
You were in Night Terror with me.
Did you audition for that?
It is a ticket booth, maybe
we should take a ticket.
That's a really good idea.
Hi.
Seven tickets, please.
One.
I'm a one.
I'm a two.
I'm a one.
So I guess we should go to the door
that corresponds with our cards?
Yeah sounds about right.
Hey um bro, could I switch with you,
I think I would be better in this group?
We're good here, you should
probably help out grandpa.
Really, because I'd really like...
Dude, she said no. / Okay.
Please help me Obi-Wan,
you're our only hope.
Wow, that's a really old reference.
My God, you people live in caves.
Check out those photos.
Look at the clowns.
Each one they go down.
I think we're supposed to open
the doors at the same time.
How did you get that?
Three two one.
On one, at the same time.
Knob in hand, good to go.
Three, two, one.
God dammit.
Oh Jesus, it's hot in here.
Maybe it's because you're here.
Thank you.
That looks dangerous.
What?
Shit. What the hell are we
supposed to do with this?
Check it out.
Follow the yellow brick road?
I guess.
Okay, we got stumps, what do we do?
I imagine we have to hop across them.
That's ridiculous, why wouldn't
we just walk around them?
Shit ah! / You okay.
Can't walk across it,
the floor's super-heated.
Fuck, I'll go first.
All right, I guess I'm going first.
Would you care to? /
That's all you, girl.
What's that sound?
Oh fuck!
What happened?
Oh God.
What happened?
The fucking thing cut me.
This is like really dangerous.
No fucking shit, it's fucking real.
I guess $250,000 makes
it worth the risk.
So I guess uh, I'll time it. Fuck!
Be careful.
Those look really sharp.
These are sharp, guys, be careful.
Crawl through. / Let's do this.
Don't you think this is a little
fucked up to do to people?
Be careful!
The walls are heated.
Come on, let's go.
Hold on.
Here, give me your jacket.
All right, just hold onto this and
just slide through, like a penguin.
What?
Keep your head down,
I'm gonna pull you through
and you just slide right on through.
One, two, three.
Ah stop, stop!
Are you okay?
Hell no, I ain't okay, I'm hooked.
Can you go back?
No, I can't move, dammit.
What do we do? / I don't know.
We pull.
No, what?
What?! / We pull him through.
No, no, no, no, no!
Come on, it's not that bad,
it's just your shirt mostly.
It's not my shirt, it's
my skin, how do you know?
Stop being such a pussy.
I'm not!
You sure?
Do you take your band-aids
off fast or slow?
Fast. / Me too.
Oh God, Mommy.
There you go, big man.
Son of a bitch, you could've killed me.
Easy, easy, you're okay.
Hey, it's not even that bad.
And it's over now, okay?
Seriously?! / Lemme see.
Come on, I've had
periods with heavier flows.
Fine, let's just get out of here.
But you stay away from me,
you understand?
Let's just make it out
of this alive, okay guys?
Come on, guys.
You okay?
No!
It's locked.
There's no way out. / This.
No, okay.
Look for a mallet.
I don't see anything,
just a bunch of bears.
Should we ask for a hint?
I don't see anything.
There!
Yes!
Kane, can we have a hint?
Look.
It's locked.
It's a jack in the box.
Look for a crank.
They have little cranks.
They have little cranks, crank those.
I hear something, don't stop,
something's happening.
Nothing.
Where'd he go?
He's gone.
This place looks like
my grandma's house.
So you've inherited her good taste.
Eat a dick.
All right, enough.
Can you guys just put
your differences aside
so we can work together
and figure this out?
Come on, look around,
find some clues or something.
Look at this.
Seems kind of obvious, right?
It's locked, looks
like we need another key.
Well isn't that wonderful?
Well it's got to be here,
so everybody spread out.
I'll start in this pile right here.
I'll take this pile.
Fucking hate clowns.
Honestly, who doesn't?
Did you see that?
See what? / It's fucking eyes moved.
What?
What?
Oh my God!
Oh my God, oh my God.
I didn't sign up for this.
It's 250 G's, it's not worth this.
Kane, let us out, we're done.
Guys, I know it's fucked up,
but I think I'm gonna stay.
What?
What, are you mental,
you see what he did to me?
He bit off my finger, you
want to lose some fingers?
No I don't, but I'd rather lose a
finger than lose my little brother.
They're gonna take him away from
me if I don't bring in some cash.
Then help us find the key, we still
need a key to get out of this room.
I got it, I've got the key! /
Here, here, here!
Must've done something right.
Nothing's happening.
I want to get out! / What?
I want to go back to my basement!
Why isn't anything happening?
Nothing's happening.
Oh my God.
It's not working, come on.
Let me out of here!
Come on, come on! / Let me out!
The words, what did
Kane say in the video?
The words that we have to
say if we want to leave.
Okay, it was Balthazar Kane.
Balthazar Kane!
Balthazar Kane.
What?!
Balthazar Kane, you win again.
Balthazar Kane, you win again.
Balthazar Kane, you win again.
You win again!
Billy?
Billy.
Billy.
No Billy.
Are you okay?
Oh my God.
If he can do it, so can I.
Roxy, no!
Roxy, wait, no!
Roxy, stop!
Roxy, stop moving,
it's only making it worse.
Stay still, stay still.
Roxy, Roxy!
I gotta get out of here.
Roxy no, Roxy slow down!
Roxy, stop! Roxy, stop!
No, I have to get out of here!
Roxy, Roxy!
Roxy, stop.
Roxy, come back!
We have to save her!
We have to save her, Roxy!
You don't have to do this.
I gotta go help her.
Roxy?
Roxy?
Roxy?
Tracy.
Let me go!
No.
It's okay, it's all right.
It's okay, shh.
What gives you the right, Kane?
Why, you do, Mr. Valentine.
You give me the right.
Now, please, go.
I'll leave, sure, after
I get what's coming to me.
What's that, Mr. Valentine?
Prison time?
Now, I've asked you to leave, politely.
Now leave before I lose my patience.
That property is mine, old man!
I'm leaving here with it.
You know, Mr. Valentine,
for the strong man in my show,
you really are rather quite
weak, and quite pathetic.
Now, you will leave my
tent and you are fired.
No!
No, Father!
We've gotta do something,
we've gotta get out of here.
We're getting out of here.
Hello?
911. What's your emergency?
We need an ambulance right away.
To what address?
I don't know where I am.
We can triangulate
where you are, please hold.
Okay.
What's going on?
They're trying to
figure out where we are.
We found you, we will
send over an ambulance
right away, we will
be there in two hours.
What?
This is an emergency, somebody died!
Are you kidding me, two hours?
This is the soonest we can get to you.
You are very far away from
any emergency services.
Send somebody, send the police.
We will send a squad car as well.
Fuck! / What?
It's gonna be two hours
before anyone can get here.
We find Kane, we find the
others, tell them what happened.
Kane doesn't give a fuck,
haven't you noticed?!
Don't be ridiculous, a person died.
That's taking the scare
way too far, let's go.
What are we gonna do with the body?
He's dead, Scott, we can't take him.
We have to find Kane and find the
others and tell them what happened.
We can come back for him later.
What about the money?
Fuck the money, we're going home.
Come on, let's go!
Go!
Here, give me your hand, let's go.
We've gotta go, come on, let's go!
Give me your hand! / I can't!
You can do it. / Give me your hand!
Come on, let's go!
Next one, let's go, no breaks!
I'm sorry.
Come on, let's go!
Come on, let's go!
Come on, time it out, let's go.
Go!
Ed just got killed.
Everyone else is dead.
Is this some kind of sick joke?
A joke?
We're not kidding,
they're all really dead.
Roxy got ripped to shreds by barbed wire
and Billy got a hatchet to the back.
Well guess what?
I just called an ambulance,
the closest one is two hours away.
Jesus Christ, what
the fuck do we do now?
We're all gonna die.
We're not gonna die.
No, it's okay, we just
gotta keep it together, okay?
I sure as shit know I'm not
gonna die at this house,
so we just gotta get back
to where we came from,
start from the beginning and try
to find a way out of this, okay?
Let's get out of here, go!
Come on.
Let us out!
Hold on, I can pick it.
What the hell?
How are you gonna do that?
With my pocket knife.
You sure? / Yeah.
Oh that's gnarly.
There's no use.
Well there's no use just standing
around, help us, come on.
Hey was that thing there before?
No.
I'm not going in there.
Uh guys, guys.
Oh yes you are.
Go now, go, go, go!
What the fuck place is this?
In order to truly triumph,
one must travel to the depths of hell
and still come out on the other side.
Oh fuck that.
Go, god dammit, Kane.
This is not getting us anywhere, guys.
We have to keep pushing forward.
What's that sound?
I don't know but it can't be good.
I think he wants to help us see.
Go grab those glow sticks.
Oh my God!
What?
It's just water, I'm fine.
No!
No, no!
Hello, motherfucker!
We gotta keep going.
Who the hell is that?
Kane.
Balthazar Kane, in the flesh.
Or.. what remains.
We're getting out of here, you psycho.
In due time, boy.
In due time.
Such a pity, you two came through for...
Almost at the end.
Why?
Why would you do this?
This magnificent
theater of pain and blood?
Tracy, Tracy, Tracy!
My boy...
I am the hunter who
eats the flesh of his prey.
Calling the herd of mankind.
One, two, three.
With my teeth and claws.
You're insane.
Insane in the membrane.
Careful that's very sharp.
Now am I insane or are you just
too weak and pathetic and scared
to look into the abyss?
To stare into the faces
of all of God's monsters
on Heaven and Earth that await you
in the black hole of eternity?
I don't expect you
lemmings to understand a lion,
or an ant to comprehend a
giant's view of the world.
You have no right, those people died.
Yes.
They died, horrible painful,
beautiful, sublime deaths.
Baptism of blood for the great horror
show that waits for all of us.
You see boy, death is the one true God.
And I am death's tattered angel.
Spreading her cold harsh words
one soul at a time.
What?
Fear not, your death, your death
will have a place in history, yes.
Your pain and suffering, and sacrifice
will grant you immortality at my side
as a small part of my horror legacy.
My... legacy.
Balthazar Kane's legacy of horror.
No, I'm not gonna be
a part of your legacy.
And if you don't let me out right now,
I'm gonna gut you like a fucking fish.
That's it, boy!
Gut me like a fish!
Gotta keep the show and
the people entertained
'til the very fucking end, now don't we?
Wouldn't want to disappoint your
fucking horror fans, would we?!
Gut me like a...
"And at its heels,
leashed in like hounds,
should famine, sword and fire,
crouch for employment.
But pardon, gentles all."
"Cry havoc, let slip the dogs of war."
What is that?
What is that?
Run Tracy, run Tracy, run!
All right, play time is over.
And then there were two.
Where are you, my little piggies?!
Where could you be?
Those crazy fucks are still in here.
Tracy, wait!
Fe, fi, fo, fum,
I smell the blood of
my piggies as they run.
Shh, it's me, it's me.
We need to split up.
Are you insane?
It's the only way.
So very nice of you to invite
me to play hide and seek.
No Scott, we can't.
There's two of us, there's one of him,
there's other crazies but
we can sneak up on him
and then take care of them later.
Trust me.
Oh my God!
And then, there were one.
Tracy my dear, did you know that the
human head weighs eight pounds?
Chop away, boys!
Tracy my dear, where are you going?
You're my last little piggy.
Open the door.
Open the god damn door, dammit!
There she is, my final girl.
Such a perfect taboo for a finale.
You, my sweetness, you must
be so, so very honored.
What the hell do you want from me?
What the hell do you want from me?
No no no no no, we already
played that part of the show.
This is the fourth act,
that was the second act.
Let me refresh your memory,
see I've been playing
the monologue-ing monster,
who loves the macabre,
being very politely,
very politely answering
all of your questions
and giving you hints.
And allowing you to
run all over my house
playing hide and seek,
which I do rather enjoy.
But now, there is only one
little piggy and that's you.
And this is where we get down to the,
well, my favorite part of the show.
The bone, the blood,
the gristle and meat.
All right, let's make this
interesting, shall we?!
Let's add some stakes to
our final death match!
Open the door!
You've heard of the saying,
life is pain, haven't you?
Well this is a little game I
like to call, pain for life.
How do you play that game, Johnny?
Let me tell ya
right now how you to play the game.
All right, final girl, come on down,
you're our next contestant
on pain for your life!
In this chest, what do we have?
We have here on the side
a little magic button.
And what does that magic button do?
Well let me tell you, folks,
what the magic button does.
It holds the key to all of final
girls dreams, desires, and hopes.
And what would they be?
Well let me tell you folks
what those things are,
those are freedom,
the front door, security,
and a boring fucking life.
Isn't it amazing, final girl,
how one's life can
come down to one thing?
And that one thing is...
surviving the pain.
Naughty little piggy.
That's it, final girl, I knew
you wouldn't disappoint.
No no no.
That was not very nice!
Piggy piggy piggy!
Tracy, my final girl.
Where are you going?!
We're not done yet.
This is our denouement.
Every show must have a proper ending.
Are you okay?
What?
Are you okay, Miss?
What's your name?
Tracy.
We have to get out of here.
Call it in, we have a
possible 187 and 245 A.
No, no, no, you don't understand
he's still in there, he's coming.
Please come with me.
No, you have to end this,
please you have to end this!
Tracy, my love, this has to end.
Freeze, get your hands
up and get on the ground!
Freeze, get your hands behind
you head and get on the ground.
Do it now!
I said freeze!
Sorry gentlemen, that's
not how this fairy tale plays.
Stop!
No, not at all.
I'm not gonna warn you again,
get your hands up, drop the weapon,
get down on the ground or we will fire.
"Why, man, doth bestride the
narrow world..."
Stop! Get down now! /
"And we petty men."
"Walk under his huge leg and peep about
to find ourselves dishonorable graves."
Drop the weapon now!
Magic is sacrifice.
Freeze!
That man tried to murder me.
Look, I've got a house full of
booby traps and dead bodies.
And we have no clue how
any of this happened.
Fine.
Wait here.
That girl's been through hell.
Yes she has.
Here.
Check this out.
Well, your story checks out.
The footage from the house backs up
everything you said so you're free to go.
Thanks.
Hey, I'm sorry.
It's okay.
You were just doing your job.
Well it must at least
give you some comfort
knowing that monster Kane
who tried to kill you
and burn your father, Robbie
Valentine, all those years ago,
well he finally got what he deserved.
That monster.
Goodnight, Miss Valentine.
Goodnight, officer.
Endure the pain to learn true
magic, you must endure the pain.
Magic, sacrifice.
It's almost done for us, darling.
Valhalla waits for the
boast of warriors.
Don't worry, Father,
you'll be out soon enough.
The art of misdirection is the power,
to direct the audience's
attention in one direction,
while making them
distracted from the other.
Must go out with a bang.
What if I can't do it,
what if I'm not good enough?
And our reward shall be immortality.
You ready?
It's show time.
Okay.
Welcome my future corpses,
to Circus Kane
where you'll see the most amazing
freak show ever known to man.
The two-headed woman, the dog-faced boy.
Where women are sawed in half,
where limbs are ripped and lions will
tear the entrails from the infidel.
Here at Circus Kane, pain's
pleasure and pleasure is pain.
And we provide it all,
for your entertainment.
So come on down and see...
what it's all about.
At Circus Kane.
This Halloween feed your fear.
Fear, the hunger of your soul
begging to be tested.
Be reborn with the new hippodrome
of horror, the new Circus Kane.
The only experience from
the true undead legend
of the macabre, Balthazar Kane,
went insane
and murdered them all for world acclaim.
Now, his soul haunts
the house of that day.
Do you dare to go to his
valley of the shadow of death?
Listen closely and
you'll feel his breath.
See you soon.
Stuck in my own prison
I can not pretend
I bury my thoughts so deep within
The poison in my soul
that I cannot control
Save
Your sick
they're really going to die.
I want that.
Yeah, yeah.
I want to hear the screams of terror.
That's what they pay for.
Yes.
I got him, Mr. Kane.
Why so formal?
Young Travis, what did we discuss?
Um, Father.
Much better my boy, much better, now,
what did you bring me?
The gas cans that you asked.
That I asked to be
delivered to the vans.
Put them there for now.
I'm sorry, Father.
It's all right, come here.
You look like you lost something.
Come here, what's that?
Look at that.
That's yours to keep.
Thank you.
Would you like to double your money.
No loss, all gain.
All right, give me the coin,
give me your hand,
right hand, there we are.
Open it.
Open.
But?
But you're empty handed.
Yes.
And what lesson have you just learned.
You have just learned that
nothing in this life is free.
And if something seems
too good to be true,
it probably is.
The key, young Travis,
is knowing where to look.
I want to know.
You want to know what?
Fireballs, how you do fireballs,
the coin too, all of that, teach me.
The art of misdirection
is the power to direct
the audiences attention
in one direction.
While making them
distracted from the other.
Can I try?
Yes, watch the fire.
The flame will tell
you when you release.
Ow.
Endure the pain to learn true magic,
you must endure the pain.
Do you remember my benediction?
Magic, sacrifice.
I want to try again.
All right, go get my kit in
the back of the tent. Hurry.
Miss.
Miss.
I know you've been through a lot
but we need to get your statement.
Why?
We just have some questions,
a few things we need to clear up.
Fine, it all started with the invites,
the golden tickets filled
with false promises.
I'm gonna make you an
offer you can't refuse.
1300 bucks cash, take it or leave it.
I mean come on, man, these are Grable.
She was box office gold
like 12 years running.
Right, that's why I just
offered you 1300 bucks cash
take it or leave it, instead of kissing you
on the mouth and feeding you to the fishes.
Let me just explain something
to you about business.
Grable was a huge star, when?
30's and 40's.
Which means all of her
fans are what, dead.
Which means I'm gonna be holding
onto these until I'm dead,
so it's $1300, take it or leave it.
I mean these were my grandma's dude.
Why don't you give them back to her?
Special delivery.
Is that you Mr. McFeely?
How's your ticker?
If I had a heart it would be fine.
That's junk.
Has anybody ever told you, you bare a
remarkable resemblance to Sammy Davis, Jr.
I'll talk to you later freak.
I'm not a freak, I'm Batman.
Nice.
All right dude, 1300 bucks.
Are you still here?
Yeah I'm still here, give me the money.
All right, all right, all right.
But I feel inflation has brought that
number down to a thousand dollars.
You can't be serious, dude.
I mean 20 seconds ago you
said it was 1300 bucks.
Tick tock.
All right man, give me the money.
You drive a hard bargain.
You're a monster.
I'm a capitalist,
just ahead of the curve.
You're a dick.
I'm Batman.
Greetings and salutations
my lucky victims.
You have been invited to attend a resurrection
and rebirth of the greatest show on Earth.
Let's get this party started,
my little guinea pigs.
Let the games begin!
Yes!
Roxy.
Hey man, how's it going?
Very well thanks, I haven't had to
eject any delinquents into orbit.
It's fucking loud in here.
It's a little hectic.
How's your brother?
He's all right, he's
at home with a sitter.
Oh yeah, I understand. / Yeah.
Well enjoy yourself.
All right, catch you later.
It's the third time this
week you haven't made dinner
just so you could go hang
out with your friends!
It's same fucking thing every time.
I don't understand, are
they more important than me?
No they're not more important than you.
Of course they're not
more important than me.
I've been here fucking
every day this week.
No you're not, you have checked out.
You're looking at your phone right now!
You do not care about me at all.
What are you doing, where
do you think you're going?
Listen to me, Greg?
Okay we're about to be done, if you
don't get off. This has got to be...
You can run, but you can't hide.
Look at you now, son,
now I got to pee on you.
Quarter million dollars, Balthazar Kane.
Somebody's messing with me.
Quarter million dollars,
oh I can do this.
With my boy Balthazar Kane,
yes sir, yes sir, I'm in.
We didn't know the evil we
were getting ourselves into.
We just thought for once
we were the lucky ones.
Hey, I'm Scott.
Roxy.
Oh are we doing introductions?
I'm Eddy England, from
Big Ed's Hoarder Heaven
but you little kiddies and you too, can
call me Ed, or Eddie, or Stallion.
I'm sure you've heard
of my place, right?
Collector's Paradise on Third and Main.
I know that place, it's sick.
Dude, next time you come in
you're getting a 3% discount
on a purchase of a hundred dollars or more.
That goes for any of you.
Carrie, it's a pleasure.
Jake.
Hey I'm Greg.
Hi guys, I'm Tracy.
I'm sorry, I just want to
know if anybody's interested,
I just got in a mint collection
of vintage photographs
of Grable from the 30's and 40's.
Who?
Grable.
She's an actress from the 30's and 40's.
She was the dancer.
I'm a young person dude, so...
Anyway, hi, I'm Tracy, I take it we all
got that creepy golden ticket invitation.
Yep.
So are we all secretly related?
Never say never, why do you ask?
Just wondering how we all
won the lotto, sweetheart.
Fuck, I am out.
I love it, I love it. /
I love it, I love it. I love it.
Clown! Clown-man!
Chill out, dude.
Love it.
We can't even see out of this thing,
how are we supposed to see where we are?
Quit complaining.
It's creepy but kind of sweet.
That's the adventure.
Yeah, it's all right.
Oh my God, these are original posters.
I got that one right there.
Dude I just met you, I'm sure you
don't have an original poster.
When you have an original poster
you have a different aura.
Don't tell me what I got.
Hey did you guys get a
schedule with your invitation,
because mine just came
with a time and place.
No idea, I know as much as you guys do.
Yeah I'm in the same boat unfortunately.
Good questions one, good questions all.
Welcome, my friends, to the Circus
Kane Afterbirth Party Ball.
You're here as my very,
very special guests.
And I have spared no expense for you.
Only the best.
Like the phoenix rising from the
ashes, this dirty bird arises new.
An adventure of horrors
are built just for you.
Thrill and recoil at my new masterpiece.
You'll all be part of my legacy.
Alive, or deceased.
A reviewer, a blogger, a
collector, a scream queen,
a gamer, a rocker, and
blogger and a teen.
You make up every aspect
of the horror community.
I've selected you all for this
very, very horrible opportunity.
Now spread the word as much as you can.
For your audiences will never hear
from your worthless mouths again!
Hello, piggy, piggy, piggy, let's play.
Classic Kane, it's
classic freakin' Kane!
Wait you've seen this one before?
Oh my God, yes I've seen this before.
This guy is like king of
the traveling horror show.
Oh please don't tell me that none of
you have ever seen his shows before?
Nope.
Nope.
Um, no.
I mean I've heard him
mentioned by a few older
shlock horror directors as inspiration when
I used to act, but never actually myself.
Oh my God, I thought I recognized you.
You're the scream queen.
You were in Night Terrors.
Guilty.
Yeah yeah that is you.
I did a review on that movie.
Movie sucked but you were okay I guess.
No, you were amazing, trust me.
From the bottom of my
heart you were amazing.
Oh I worship you.
So we were all selected
from our fan bases?
That's viral marketing at it's finest.
He just wants us post about him.
Who here doesn't have a
shit ton of followers.
Raise your hands if you don't.
My Instagram's lit as fuck.
See what I mean.
No no, he's right, we were all picked
because we're influential
in the horror community.
He just wants to get everybody
hyped about his return.
I've known about Kane for years.
I even have his old comic book,
Circus Kane's Lurking Terrors.
God, I love that comic book.
Dude tell me you still
have it, is it mint?
No what happened was
I was off doing my thing
and my Momma she went and sold it.
You let your Mom sell your comic book.
Don't talk about my momma.
There was that song about him, right?
That Clown Killers single, Burn in...
Insane, yes that's it.
It was college, helped me study.
Hey wait a minute, what
are you doing here, Einstein?
We all have some sort of reference
to Kane, what's your deal?
Thank you, medium-sized Ed,
actually the reason I'm here is 'cause I'm not
scared as shit so I know I'm gonna win.
Also I need the money
because I owe some people.
Who doesn't need $250,000?
You know what, all I care about
is getting my poster signed.
Once he signs them they're
gonna be worth like,
a hundred times what I paid for them.
Why is that, you plan on killing him?
Dude, I'm not the killer,
Kane's the killer.
Oh shit, he killed somebody? / For real?
Yeah I think I read something about him
having some pretty bad legal problems.
Yeah, if you want to call legal problems
burning a man to death,
then he had legal problems.
Seriously, what are you talking about?
Damn.
That's like the song.
The burning man, that's right.
Yeah you guys know the song, right?
This is the ballad of Balthazar Kane
Who burned to a crisp
now he's gone insane
Killer of love by Valentine's name
Burnt, to a jail to
live out his shame
Born of the madness due to the pain
Back from the dead
to play out his game
Run little children
when you hear his name
'Cause there's nowhere to hide
From Circus Kane
That was it.
Wow, that was wonderful.
Out now!
So this is it? / Yeah.
How long was I out for?
I don't know, I was asleep too.
I think everyone was.
They gassed us.
They what?
I think they gassed us.
Don't be ridiculous.
Move! Stairs, now! /
I saw the green gas.
Lay off the drugs, punk.
There must be no one around for miles.
I guess it's all just a
part of the experience huh?
Kane couldn't have picked
a more perfect place.
It's huge, this place is rad.
Creepy.
Talking about the house or the way
Big Ed's been looking at you?
This was totally worth being drugged,
or gassed or whatever he did to us.
Welcome one, welcome all, to the
new and improved Circus Kane.
Enter, if you dare.
Sure thing, Lurch.
Into the haunted mansion we go.
I don't like the way this looks.
Let's do this.
All right.
Are you ready?
The circus is about to begin.
This is gonna be the
easiest money I ever made.
What the fuck?
Hey, where did they go?
Good luck.
Look inside to see your fate.
You think it's a two-way mirror?
No, it's too old for that.
That was nothing, guys.
I've seen that gag a hundred times.
Hey, are you okay?
Yeah I'm fine.
Yo, can I have one of those?
You don't want one of these,
this is medicine.
I've got a bad heart.
What, did you do a little
too much blow there, Big Ed?
I just wasn't expecting
a jump scare that's all.
Who comes to a haunted house
not expecting jump scares?
I'm here to face my fears.
Shall we?
Lead the way.
Ooh that was so scary.
They're gonna have to
do way better than that
or we're all going home
with 250 large, cha-ching.
In my bank account.
Hawaii here I come.
I bet you Big Ed doesn't
make it 20 more minutes.
Yo yo yo yo yo, I was just faking my
heart condition to psyche you out, OB.
Yo yo yo don't shit your
pants and die, old man.
I'm hungry, when do we eat?
Figures.
I'm a growing boy.
No you're not.
Now this is getting interesting.
These photos are horrific.
I think you mean "awesome."
It's like they're just meat.
Aren't we all?
This is gonna look great on my site.
Huh, that's interesting,
I have cell service.
It doesn't exactly fit the whole
abandoned haunted house clich, does it?
I'm telling you man,
it's all for promotion.
You think? / Yeah.
Isn't he full of surprises?
Hello, my marvelous little
martyrs and my little piggies.
Let's get this slaughterhouse
officially started!
But, before we begin,
I would have something
to remember you by
or should I say, to
identify the corpse with.
Now if you'll notice, in the corners of
all the rooms you'll see these red lights.
These, my little piggies,
are cameras that are there
to record every delicious
moment of your demise.
I'll broadcast these
videos to all of your fans
and to all of your followers
after your journey has ended.
So, your descent into madness and
hell can be shared with the world.
I would like you to
share on social media,
to all of your little parasites
for all the world to see...
I told you guys, you see?
Yeah yeah we get it
dude, shut up already.
The Circus Kane!
And your roles as my disciples
of pleasure and pain.
If you're too weak and you can't
take the heat just ask for mercy
with the words, Balthazar Kane,
you win again!
And you are free to leave...
Big Ed never taps out.
You go home empty-handed.
But if you make it all the way though,
you go home $250,000 richer!
Now, I doubt that any
of you will make it
all the way through, and I am quite
confident in what I have in store for you.
This mansion has been in
my family for generations,
and it contains the
vengeful dead of centuries.
And all of it is wired from
top to bottom with cameras
so that you'll never,
ever be truly alone.
Now, as you travel through
the lost shadows of my home,
you may bump into my little
friends here and there.
But...
Let courage be your muse.
And explore at your own peril.
And I promise you nothing less than
the most terrifying night of
you're miserable, little lives.
Release your inner monsters inside
and let darkness be your guide.
Brr, zoinks.
Thelma, I think it's
time we looked for clues.
Do we get a Scooby snack if we find one?
Rooby roo!
Stupid.
Hey! That door just opened.
Looks like a magic room.
Any fool can see that.
Come on, guys.
What just happened?
Let me try.
What the fuck?
Hey, open the door.
It's locked.
Come on guys, open the door.
We have to get in there.
Oh shit, no no no, open the door!
Come on, guys!
Open the fucking door! /
I'm sure he's fine.
Do something.
He doesn't sound okay.
Open the fucking door!
Open the fucking door!
No no!
Let me.
There you go, you loosened it up for me.
Oh Jesus.
What's going on?
Oh this is a gag, guys.
This is Kane.
See, it's nothing.
He doesn't think it's funny.
Where'd he go?
He's good. / Guys,
I think we should help him.
Oh shit. / No, that's a real chainsaw.
He's actually killing him, he's actually
killing him! / That's real!
No, Jake, Jake!
All right, we have to get out of here.
Chill. / This is not good.
I'm calling the police.
No no, don't be ridiculous.
That clown just murdered Jake,
I'm not going to be next.
Put the phone down.
Look, we just met this dude, guys.
I mean seriously, all Jake would talk
about was posting on social media.
This is scaring people 101, right?
Always have a plant.
Sure, this guy they let him cozy
up to us a little bit, right?
And then the next thing you know,
he's over there, they've
obscured his view from us
a little while while
they set up the gag.
I hate to agree with
anybody in this room,
but dude, you are absolutely right.
No dude, listen, I used to see
Kane's shows back in the 80's,
and I saw this one
where he'd take a random
audience member and offer him
$10,000 to cross this tightrope.
And when the guy would get about halfway
across the tightrope, he'd shake it,
and then the guy would fall off and get
impaled by a spike, it was awesome.
But I saw the show 10 times,
and every time I saw the show,
exact same audience member,
exact same fall,
exact same spike, and that's right
when we had the fire 20 years ago.
You know the burning man, we all thought
it was just a big freaking Kane joke.
I can't believe you guys haven't
seen this trick a million times.
Think about it, it's obvious
if you think about it.
Jake is working with Kane.
Yep.
I guess you're right, I mean, we
are at a haunted house attraction.
They are supposed to
be scaring us, right?
Let's just go check out the next room.
It's all right man, come on.
Nice try, Spooky the Clown.
I just saved you guys 250 G's.
Both doors are locked.
So where do we go now?
Maybe there was a hidden
message in the video.
Well it's not like we
can see that in here.
That guy filmed it.
I have a name, you know?
Yeah it's Marky Mark.
Hey man that's a compliment,
he was the voice of a generation.
Well... / Can we see the video? /
Sure.
Well hello my marvelous
little martyrs. / It's looped.
What?
What is that supposed to mean?
It's looped, it's a different voice
playing over an old Circus
Kane commercial from the 90's.
How could you possibly know that?
Dude, I play these
commercials all the time
in my shop, Big Ed's Hoarder
Heaven on 3rd and Main.
Everything's different
except the last line,
the last line's the same in the old
commercial and the new commercial.
Let the darkness guide you.
I think that's a clue.
What does it mean?
I'll tell you what it means.
I have no idea what it means.
You're a genius.
Black lights?
Guys, look.
Okay.
Nothing.
Got something.
Is there anything in there?
I'm checking.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have ourselves a key.
I'll take that, thank you.
All right guys, let's get out of here.
That was easy.
Yeah, because you didn't do anything.
Whoa. / What reeks?
Shit, it's locked.
Well look for some
more arrows or something.
God, it looks so real.
Even the smell.
You don't think...
Oh it's moving.
It's trying to say something.
My little piggies, you're doing so swell
climbing deeper into hell.
You will need to find
the key to set me free.
You are the apple of my eye.
Goodbye.
This is easy, we just gotta find a key.
Well it's a small room,
let's start looking.
Nothing over here so far.
I found something.
What makes you say that?
The bear and an apple.
The apple of my eye.
Does anybody have a knife?
Actually I got one.
Wouldn't have expected
Marky Mark to be a Boy Scout.
Oh it's because I'm wicked
smart Big Ed, wicked fuckin' smart.
Say hello to your mother for me.
There's something in here.
Say hello to my little key.
Anybody want to try it out?
It's the key to my heart,
don't break it.
You would have a little key, Big Ed.
It doesn't work.
What do you mean it doesn't work?
I mean it's too small, it doesn't fit.
She literally just said that.
I've never had that problem, but
we're trying to solve riddles here.
You know, for a haunted
house attraction,
this house has more riddles
than it does scares.
Wait hold on, let me see that key.
That's 'cause this goes to a padlock.
How did you know that?
I used to steal shit, that's why
I owe people money and I'm here.
Dope.
Now what, genius?
OK, here goes nothing.
It's not real.
Oh God. / Oh yeah!
Oh God. / It stinks.
Hold on, there's something in here.
What is it?
Can't find it, oh God.
Oh it's just a speaker.
There's nothing...
there's no key or anything.
It's in the eye.
That's really gross.
Well who wants to try out that theory?
Somebody help me out, come
on, want to help me out?
Nope.
Seriously, nobody?
I'm lactose intolerant.
Fine, I'll do it.
All right.
I knew I liked you.
Oh God.
That's awesome.
Oh there we go, there we go.
There's the key.
Get the key.
Ooh, it's slimy.
Come on, let's get the fuck out of here.
This room creeps me out, oh God.
What was ahead of us was the worst
things anyone could ever imagine.
It was the depths of hell and
we were going in willingly.
We got a demon.
What the hell, that's not cool.
And two rooms.
More obstacles, 'cause
that's not annoying.
Like for sure, what's a matter,
don't you have an app for that?
Bring it on...
Do you think you're funny?
Just wondering 'cause it's sad.
That's a good one.
Hey.
Don't I know you?
You were in Night Terror with me.
Did you audition for that?
It is a ticket booth, maybe
we should take a ticket.
That's a really good idea.
Hi.
Seven tickets, please.
One.
I'm a one.
I'm a two.
I'm a one.
So I guess we should go to the door
that corresponds with our cards?
Yeah sounds about right.
Hey um bro, could I switch with you,
I think I would be better in this group?
We're good here, you should
probably help out grandpa.
Really, because I'd really like...
Dude, she said no. / Okay.
Please help me Obi-Wan,
you're our only hope.
Wow, that's a really old reference.
My God, you people live in caves.
Check out those photos.
Look at the clowns.
Each one they go down.
I think we're supposed to open
the doors at the same time.
How did you get that?
Three two one.
On one, at the same time.
Knob in hand, good to go.
Three, two, one.
God dammit.
Oh Jesus, it's hot in here.
Maybe it's because you're here.
Thank you.
That looks dangerous.
What?
Shit. What the hell are we
supposed to do with this?
Check it out.
Follow the yellow brick road?
I guess.
Okay, we got stumps, what do we do?
I imagine we have to hop across them.
That's ridiculous, why wouldn't
we just walk around them?
Shit ah! / You okay.
Can't walk across it,
the floor's super-heated.
Fuck, I'll go first.
All right, I guess I'm going first.
Would you care to? /
That's all you, girl.
What's that sound?
Oh fuck!
What happened?
Oh God.
What happened?
The fucking thing cut me.
This is like really dangerous.
No fucking shit, it's fucking real.
I guess $250,000 makes
it worth the risk.
So I guess uh, I'll time it. Fuck!
Be careful.
Those look really sharp.
These are sharp, guys, be careful.
Crawl through. / Let's do this.
Don't you think this is a little
fucked up to do to people?
Be careful!
The walls are heated.
Come on, let's go.
Hold on.
Here, give me your jacket.
All right, just hold onto this and
just slide through, like a penguin.
What?
Keep your head down,
I'm gonna pull you through
and you just slide right on through.
One, two, three.
Ah stop, stop!
Are you okay?
Hell no, I ain't okay, I'm hooked.
Can you go back?
No, I can't move, dammit.
What do we do? / I don't know.
We pull.
No, what?
What?! / We pull him through.
No, no, no, no, no!
Come on, it's not that bad,
it's just your shirt mostly.
It's not my shirt, it's
my skin, how do you know?
Stop being such a pussy.
I'm not!
You sure?
Do you take your band-aids
off fast or slow?
Fast. / Me too.
Oh God, Mommy.
There you go, big man.
Son of a bitch, you could've killed me.
Easy, easy, you're okay.
Hey, it's not even that bad.
And it's over now, okay?
Seriously?! / Lemme see.
Come on, I've had
periods with heavier flows.
Fine, let's just get out of here.
But you stay away from me,
you understand?
Let's just make it out
of this alive, okay guys?
Come on, guys.
You okay?
No!
It's locked.
There's no way out. / This.
No, okay.
Look for a mallet.
I don't see anything,
just a bunch of bears.
Should we ask for a hint?
I don't see anything.
There!
Yes!
Kane, can we have a hint?
Look.
It's locked.
It's a jack in the box.
Look for a crank.
They have little cranks.
They have little cranks, crank those.
I hear something, don't stop,
something's happening.
Nothing.
Where'd he go?
He's gone.
This place looks like
my grandma's house.
So you've inherited her good taste.
Eat a dick.
All right, enough.
Can you guys just put
your differences aside
so we can work together
and figure this out?
Come on, look around,
find some clues or something.
Look at this.
Seems kind of obvious, right?
It's locked, looks
like we need another key.
Well isn't that wonderful?
Well it's got to be here,
so everybody spread out.
I'll start in this pile right here.
I'll take this pile.
Fucking hate clowns.
Honestly, who doesn't?
Did you see that?
See what? / It's fucking eyes moved.
What?
What?
Oh my God!
Oh my God, oh my God.
I didn't sign up for this.
It's 250 G's, it's not worth this.
Kane, let us out, we're done.
Guys, I know it's fucked up,
but I think I'm gonna stay.
What?
What, are you mental,
you see what he did to me?
He bit off my finger, you
want to lose some fingers?
No I don't, but I'd rather lose a
finger than lose my little brother.
They're gonna take him away from
me if I don't bring in some cash.
Then help us find the key, we still
need a key to get out of this room.
I got it, I've got the key! /
Here, here, here!
Must've done something right.
Nothing's happening.
I want to get out! / What?
I want to go back to my basement!
Why isn't anything happening?
Nothing's happening.
Oh my God.
It's not working, come on.
Let me out of here!
Come on, come on! / Let me out!
The words, what did
Kane say in the video?
The words that we have to
say if we want to leave.
Okay, it was Balthazar Kane.
Balthazar Kane!
Balthazar Kane.
What?!
Balthazar Kane, you win again.
Balthazar Kane, you win again.
Balthazar Kane, you win again.
You win again!
Billy?
Billy.
Billy.
No Billy.
Are you okay?
Oh my God.
If he can do it, so can I.
Roxy, no!
Roxy, wait, no!
Roxy, stop!
Roxy, stop moving,
it's only making it worse.
Stay still, stay still.
Roxy, Roxy!
I gotta get out of here.
Roxy no, Roxy slow down!
Roxy, stop! Roxy, stop!
No, I have to get out of here!
Roxy, Roxy!
Roxy, stop.
Roxy, come back!
We have to save her!
We have to save her, Roxy!
You don't have to do this.
I gotta go help her.
Roxy?
Roxy?
Roxy?
Tracy.
Let me go!
No.
It's okay, it's all right.
It's okay, shh.
What gives you the right, Kane?
Why, you do, Mr. Valentine.
You give me the right.
Now, please, go.
I'll leave, sure, after
I get what's coming to me.
What's that, Mr. Valentine?
Prison time?
Now, I've asked you to leave, politely.
Now leave before I lose my patience.
That property is mine, old man!
I'm leaving here with it.
You know, Mr. Valentine,
for the strong man in my show,
you really are rather quite
weak, and quite pathetic.
Now, you will leave my
tent and you are fired.
No!
No, Father!
We've gotta do something,
we've gotta get out of here.
We're getting out of here.
Hello?
911. What's your emergency?
We need an ambulance right away.
To what address?
I don't know where I am.
We can triangulate
where you are, please hold.
Okay.
What's going on?
They're trying to
figure out where we are.
We found you, we will
send over an ambulance
right away, we will
be there in two hours.
What?
This is an emergency, somebody died!
Are you kidding me, two hours?
This is the soonest we can get to you.
You are very far away from
any emergency services.
Send somebody, send the police.
We will send a squad car as well.
Fuck! / What?
It's gonna be two hours
before anyone can get here.
We find Kane, we find the
others, tell them what happened.
Kane doesn't give a fuck,
haven't you noticed?!
Don't be ridiculous, a person died.
That's taking the scare
way too far, let's go.
What are we gonna do with the body?
He's dead, Scott, we can't take him.
We have to find Kane and find the
others and tell them what happened.
We can come back for him later.
What about the money?
Fuck the money, we're going home.
Come on, let's go!
Go!
Here, give me your hand, let's go.
We've gotta go, come on, let's go!
Give me your hand! / I can't!
You can do it. / Give me your hand!
Come on, let's go!
Next one, let's go, no breaks!
I'm sorry.
Come on, let's go!
Come on, let's go!
Come on, time it out, let's go.
Go!
Ed just got killed.
Everyone else is dead.
Is this some kind of sick joke?
A joke?
We're not kidding,
they're all really dead.
Roxy got ripped to shreds by barbed wire
and Billy got a hatchet to the back.
Well guess what?
I just called an ambulance,
the closest one is two hours away.
Jesus Christ, what
the fuck do we do now?
We're all gonna die.
We're not gonna die.
No, it's okay, we just
gotta keep it together, okay?
I sure as shit know I'm not
gonna die at this house,
so we just gotta get back
to where we came from,
start from the beginning and try
to find a way out of this, okay?
Let's get out of here, go!
Come on.
Let us out!
Hold on, I can pick it.
What the hell?
How are you gonna do that?
With my pocket knife.
You sure? / Yeah.
Oh that's gnarly.
There's no use.
Well there's no use just standing
around, help us, come on.
Hey was that thing there before?
No.
I'm not going in there.
Uh guys, guys.
Oh yes you are.
Go now, go, go, go!
What the fuck place is this?
In order to truly triumph,
one must travel to the depths of hell
and still come out on the other side.
Oh fuck that.
Go, god dammit, Kane.
This is not getting us anywhere, guys.
We have to keep pushing forward.
What's that sound?
I don't know but it can't be good.
I think he wants to help us see.
Go grab those glow sticks.
Oh my God!
What?
It's just water, I'm fine.
No!
No, no!
Hello, motherfucker!
We gotta keep going.
Who the hell is that?
Kane.
Balthazar Kane, in the flesh.
Or.. what remains.
We're getting out of here, you psycho.
In due time, boy.
In due time.
Such a pity, you two came through for...
Almost at the end.
Why?
Why would you do this?
This magnificent
theater of pain and blood?
Tracy, Tracy, Tracy!
My boy...
I am the hunter who
eats the flesh of his prey.
Calling the herd of mankind.
One, two, three.
With my teeth and claws.
You're insane.
Insane in the membrane.
Careful that's very sharp.
Now am I insane or are you just
too weak and pathetic and scared
to look into the abyss?
To stare into the faces
of all of God's monsters
on Heaven and Earth that await you
in the black hole of eternity?
I don't expect you
lemmings to understand a lion,
or an ant to comprehend a
giant's view of the world.
You have no right, those people died.
Yes.
They died, horrible painful,
beautiful, sublime deaths.
Baptism of blood for the great horror
show that waits for all of us.
You see boy, death is the one true God.
And I am death's tattered angel.
Spreading her cold harsh words
one soul at a time.
What?
Fear not, your death, your death
will have a place in history, yes.
Your pain and suffering, and sacrifice
will grant you immortality at my side
as a small part of my horror legacy.
My... legacy.
Balthazar Kane's legacy of horror.
No, I'm not gonna be
a part of your legacy.
And if you don't let me out right now,
I'm gonna gut you like a fucking fish.
That's it, boy!
Gut me like a fish!
Gotta keep the show and
the people entertained
'til the very fucking end, now don't we?
Wouldn't want to disappoint your
fucking horror fans, would we?!
Gut me like a...
"And at its heels,
leashed in like hounds,
should famine, sword and fire,
crouch for employment.
But pardon, gentles all."
"Cry havoc, let slip the dogs of war."
What is that?
What is that?
Run Tracy, run Tracy, run!
All right, play time is over.
And then there were two.
Where are you, my little piggies?!
Where could you be?
Those crazy fucks are still in here.
Tracy, wait!
Fe, fi, fo, fum,
I smell the blood of
my piggies as they run.
Shh, it's me, it's me.
We need to split up.
Are you insane?
It's the only way.
So very nice of you to invite
me to play hide and seek.
No Scott, we can't.
There's two of us, there's one of him,
there's other crazies but
we can sneak up on him
and then take care of them later.
Trust me.
Oh my God!
And then, there were one.
Tracy my dear, did you know that the
human head weighs eight pounds?
Chop away, boys!
Tracy my dear, where are you going?
You're my last little piggy.
Open the door.
Open the god damn door, dammit!
There she is, my final girl.
Such a perfect taboo for a finale.
You, my sweetness, you must
be so, so very honored.
What the hell do you want from me?
What the hell do you want from me?
No no no no no, we already
played that part of the show.
This is the fourth act,
that was the second act.
Let me refresh your memory,
see I've been playing
the monologue-ing monster,
who loves the macabre,
being very politely,
very politely answering
all of your questions
and giving you hints.
And allowing you to
run all over my house
playing hide and seek,
which I do rather enjoy.
But now, there is only one
little piggy and that's you.
And this is where we get down to the,
well, my favorite part of the show.
The bone, the blood,
the gristle and meat.
All right, let's make this
interesting, shall we?!
Let's add some stakes to
our final death match!
Open the door!
You've heard of the saying,
life is pain, haven't you?
Well this is a little game I
like to call, pain for life.
How do you play that game, Johnny?
Let me tell ya
right now how you to play the game.
All right, final girl, come on down,
you're our next contestant
on pain for your life!
In this chest, what do we have?
We have here on the side
a little magic button.
And what does that magic button do?
Well let me tell you, folks,
what the magic button does.
It holds the key to all of final
girls dreams, desires, and hopes.
And what would they be?
Well let me tell you folks
what those things are,
those are freedom,
the front door, security,
and a boring fucking life.
Isn't it amazing, final girl,
how one's life can
come down to one thing?
And that one thing is...
surviving the pain.
Naughty little piggy.
That's it, final girl, I knew
you wouldn't disappoint.
No no no.
That was not very nice!
Piggy piggy piggy!
Tracy, my final girl.
Where are you going?!
We're not done yet.
This is our denouement.
Every show must have a proper ending.
Are you okay?
What?
Are you okay, Miss?
What's your name?
Tracy.
We have to get out of here.
Call it in, we have a
possible 187 and 245 A.
No, no, no, you don't understand
he's still in there, he's coming.
Please come with me.
No, you have to end this,
please you have to end this!
Tracy, my love, this has to end.
Freeze, get your hands
up and get on the ground!
Freeze, get your hands behind
you head and get on the ground.
Do it now!
I said freeze!
Sorry gentlemen, that's
not how this fairy tale plays.
Stop!
No, not at all.
I'm not gonna warn you again,
get your hands up, drop the weapon,
get down on the ground or we will fire.
"Why, man, doth bestride the
narrow world..."
Stop! Get down now! /
"And we petty men."
"Walk under his huge leg and peep about
to find ourselves dishonorable graves."
Drop the weapon now!
Magic is sacrifice.
Freeze!
That man tried to murder me.
Look, I've got a house full of
booby traps and dead bodies.
And we have no clue how
any of this happened.
Fine.
Wait here.
That girl's been through hell.
Yes she has.
Here.
Check this out.
Well, your story checks out.
The footage from the house backs up
everything you said so you're free to go.
Thanks.
Hey, I'm sorry.
It's okay.
You were just doing your job.
Well it must at least
give you some comfort
knowing that monster Kane
who tried to kill you
and burn your father, Robbie
Valentine, all those years ago,
well he finally got what he deserved.
That monster.
Goodnight, Miss Valentine.
Goodnight, officer.
Endure the pain to learn true
magic, you must endure the pain.
Magic, sacrifice.
It's almost done for us, darling.
Valhalla waits for the
boast of warriors.
Don't worry, Father,
you'll be out soon enough.
The art of misdirection is the power,
to direct the audience's
attention in one direction,
while making them
distracted from the other.
Must go out with a bang.
What if I can't do it,
what if I'm not good enough?
And our reward shall be immortality.
You ready?
It's show time.
Okay.
Welcome my future corpses,
to Circus Kane
where you'll see the most amazing
freak show ever known to man.
The two-headed woman, the dog-faced boy.
Where women are sawed in half,
where limbs are ripped and lions will
tear the entrails from the infidel.
Here at Circus Kane, pain's
pleasure and pleasure is pain.
And we provide it all,
for your entertainment.
So come on down and see...
what it's all about.
At Circus Kane.
This Halloween feed your fear.
Fear, the hunger of your soul
begging to be tested.
Be reborn with the new hippodrome
of horror, the new Circus Kane.
The only experience from
the true undead legend
of the macabre, Balthazar Kane,
went insane
and murdered them all for world acclaim.
Now, his soul haunts
the house of that day.
Do you dare to go to his
valley of the shadow of death?
Listen closely and
you'll feel his breath.
See you soon.
Stuck in my own prison
I can not pretend
I bury my thoughts so deep within
The poison in my soul
that I cannot control
Save
Your sick