Class Rank (2017) Movie Script

If we renew our contract,
we will get a 14% discount.
As the board's foreign language
committee rep, I recommend
that we renew the Oui!
Contract because of the excellence of
the textbooks but also because
we will save the taxpayers
valuable money.
Thank you, Mr. Del Tufo.
I now open the issue to
the public before we vote.
Yes, Bernard.
Thank you, Ms. Parikh.
Unless the goals of this board
are for us students to become
expatriates in Paris, Montpellier,
or some Franco African nation,
it's plainly irresponsible
to indoctrinate us
with the French language.
As I stressed in 2014,
Chinese is the language of the future.
I implore the board to fulfill
its elected civil duty
and do what's in the best
interest of the students
stop teaching French and
begin teaching Chinese!
Let's put it to a vote then.
All those in favor of us
renewing our contract with Oui!
Say 'ay.'
All those opposed say ' nay'.
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.
The "ays" have it.
If my role is to be town crier,
so be it.
I will inform my fellow citizens
of this deprivation of duty
in an op-ed.
Our next order of business
is the awarding of our future
leaders of Livingston.
This is what happens
when you teach French!
C'est la vie.
You're coming down ten.
C'mon ten.
Good evening, Grandpa.
How was the meeting?
As usual, it was an insult to reason.
You should accompany me sometime
and lecture these amateurs
officiants untrue public service.
No thank you.
I couldn't stand the indigestion I get
from watching those nincompoops
who replace your grandmother
Well, I just lost.
You want to play the winner?
Do wish I had a moment to spare
but I must reside to my room
to draft a fulminating letter
in regards to the board's
continuously sinister appropriations.
Well, find a little time
to do your homework.
Priorities, Grandpa.
To all concerned citizens
of The Township of Livingston
The time to be apathetic has ceased.
Rise up and join me in
fighting the policies
of the Board of Education.
Rise up.
Good morning.
Morning, sweetie.
How'd you sleep?
I slept fine, and you?
Glad one of us slept.
Oh, did you see the skirt
I brought home from the set?
Yeah, I did. Thank you.
The show's stylist says it is
very popular with teenagers.
I thought maybe you'd like
to wear it to school today.
I like it a lot, but I think
I'm gonna stick with jeans.
They're are a little bit more
comfortable to study in.
Alright, maybe on the weekend.
Yeah or maybe for my next
recital or something.
No, I'm not going to call him back.
You tell him the role is the
rapist and if he doesn't want
to play it. There's a
thousand actors in New York
who would love to have
'Law and Order SVU'
on their credits. What's next?
That's it for your to-do list.
Anything else?
What's the call time tonight?
We got to move Mariska's
callback by 30 minutes.
She's gotta another
Joyful Heart Fundraiser.
What's next?
No, I'm not going to L.A.
We weren't even nominated.
I only do awards shows,
I'm going to win.
Morning, Bernard.
I have an op-ed that
cannot be ignored.
We have a lot of
submissions this week.
I can't guarantee it can
get into the publication.
I implore you to do your best.
Save the diatribes
about the farmers market
and spaying local pets for
a time when the future
of this town isn't in jeopardy.
Well, I see what I can do.
I may have to cut it
a little for space.
If edits are mandatory,
I leave it to your journalistic wisdom
to harness the true
spirit of the piece.
Thank you Bernard.
I bid you good day.
Bye, bye.
Hello, junior class.
I'd like to remind
everyone that the student
council meets after school
every other Tuesday.
During the first two marking
periods we had pretty low
attendance, so hopefully we can
pick it up for the rest of the year.
And if you have any
suggestions for myself
or any other elected officer
please fill out an suggestion sheet
and put it the box in the library.
Thank you, everyone
and good luck today.
Thank you, Veronica.
As you all know,
today you will be receiving
your class ranking
from 1 to 382.
Based on your freshman and
sophomore year G.P.A.'s
as well as your G.P.A.
from the first two marking periods
of this year.
If your last name begins with
"A" through "G"
please see Mrs. Greenberg at
the front of the auditorium.
H through Q see me in the back
and R through Z,
see Mr. Purdy up here on stage.
Good luck everybody.
Neil Keller
Anne Kimberg
Veronica Krauss.
Drew Kunin
John LaRue
Number 2?
Emma Lazareth
I don't know what to tell you,
You and the #1 ranked student
have identical transcripts,
except for the fact that
he or she got an A in gym
in the second marking period of
your sophomore year and you got
an A-minus.
That marking period I had
tendinitis in my hand
from writing thousands of
thank you letters on behalf
of the Special Olympics.
It hindered my ability
to climb the rope in gym.
Furthermore, I was under the
impression that volunteering
for the Special Olympics
was extra credit.
But it wasn't.
But it was implied that it was.
Why else would I have volunteered?
I would hope because you like
to help the less fortunate.
The year is not over what if?
What if #1 was to get caught cheating?
The ranks are final.
Or to die? What if they were to die?
Veronica, we're not going to
wish harm to another student.
There is absolutely nothing
we can do to change this.
Principal Greely,
I not sure if you're aware this,
I'm sorry Veronica.
72% of white females
accepted to Yale University
graduate #1 in their class.
And we grade on a curve.
By being #2, I have a 72% chance
of not getting into Yale.
I need to be #1.
It's not up to me. It's the system.
Well the system sucks.
I suck.
# 2 sucks.
Your total is $51.76.
Would you like help out
to your car today, honey?
Paper or plastic?
Neither. I use canvas.
Total is $16.14.
That is correct.
I did the tabulation in my head
and it concurs with your register.
thank you for shopping at ShopRite.
Thank you.
However, I could not help but
notice you did not offer me
assistance out to my vehicle.
Is it because I am younger
then and more abled body
than the previous customer?
You're a new ShopRite employee,
aren't you?
That's right.
Is this your car?
It's a bicycle.
I will give you the
benefit of the doubt
and assume you've never taken physics.
Because by placing all the
weight of the groceries on my
my left handlebar,
you are disturbing the equilibrium
of my bicycle.
By following proper riding laws,
as I always do.
I will surely veer to the left,
potentially causing harm
to myself or to others.
Dude, what's your deal?
I was merely trying to give
you a lesson in Newton's law.
Good day.
Next customer please.
Salutations, Postal Worker Wesley.
"B", man I told you,
just call me Wesley.
May I have my mail, please?
I misplaced my key.
Sure. No problem.
Something just came in today, I think.
Thank you.
Booya! The China express has arrived.
That's not anything like the language.
I mean I just guessed.
Next customer please.
What mysteries have you
to say for yourself today,
Tai-Yu, my peaceful rain?
E-wo, hello, Bernard. I hope you nice.
I am now, Tai-Yu. I am now.
What am I supposed to do, Mom?
Sweetie, on 'Law & Order',
we take real stories
from actual headlines,
if that has taught me anything,
it has taught me that
sometimes laws are wrong
and they are gonna stay
wrong until someone brave
enough comes along to change them.
If Middle East turbulence
continues as most Washington
think-tanks predict,
will save taxpayers
an exuberant amount of money.
Thank you for your input.
we'll look into green bus companies.
I'd like to propose integrating
a "Bikes and Books program"
in which students are loaned bicycles
by the school district for
their educational commute.
I thank you for your time.
Any other new business?
- Yes.
- Please come forward young lady.
Your name please.
Hi, my name is Veronica Krauss,
LHS Junior Class President.
I would like to propose
the immediate abolishment
of high school class ranking.
Less than 35% of high
schools in the country
currently use a ranking system.
That's down 22% over the last decade.
And Livingston is in
the shrinking minority
of schools left in the
nation who rank students.
And I believe
This crime wave is an epidemic.
Before you continue, Mrs. Krauss,
I should point out that we
debated this topic last year and
the board voted 3 to 2 in
favor of keeping class rank.
The board was comprised of
the same 5 members,
so I'm afraid it's a lost cause,
unless someone has
changed their minds.
Has anyone changed their minds?
I'm sorry, Ms. Krauss.
It seems as if like class rank
is hereto stay.
Is there any other new business?
Ah, we need to consider
setting a date, this spring,
for the board of education election.
What we need to consider,
are bids on the refinishing of the
of the boardroom door,
if Bernard is gonna keep banging
his bicycle into it.
How was your meeting?
It was okay.
Okay with a question mark?
Okay with a question mark.
- Honey, what?
- Signal please.
Ok. slow down.
Hi, Bernard. I was at
the school board meeting
and I saw what happened to your bike.
Do you want a ride home?
I appreciate the offer.
However, I must decline as
I've vowed to keep my carbon
footprint to a minimum.
This is a hybrid.
Bernard this is my mom.
Mom this is Bernard Flannigan.
Nice to meet you.
The feeling is mutual.
You've raised an excellent
class president.
Thank you. I'm very proud of her.
Where do you live, Bernard?
On Long Acre Drive.
The street behind Pepperidge Farms.
Blinkers before we merge into traffic.
There you go.
Is it that you're a junior and
already have a driver's license?
Were you held back a grade?
No, I only have my learners permit.
That is the type of information
one should reveal before
offering a ride.
Don't worry, I'm a good driver.
Slow down.
Do you go to a lot of board of Ed.
I have not missed one since 2007.
What? You must have been a child.
I started attending board
meetings when I was 8 years old.
My grandmother instilled in me
the importance of education.
My house is up here on the left.
When was the last time
you cut your grass?
Allowing nature to take
it's course as a practice
is the world needs to embrace.
A thousand thank you's for the ride.
Of course.
What an interesting person.
Is he smart?
I'm not sure what he is?
How come I always
gotta ride in the back?
I'm sorry, Grandpa,
but your days of piloting
the Yellow Submarine have passed.
If proper bike lanes existed
I don't have bike lanes,
you gotta have bike lanes.
I'm currently working on that agenda.
Good afternoon Bernard.
I have brought you a letter
urging all Livingstonites
to take the streets in support
of our Guatemalan cousins'
commuting program.
Well I'll see if can find space
for it on the op-ed page.
Would your Grandfather
like something to drink?
Grandpa, would you like a refreshment?
I believe the Editor-In-Chief
is concerned you may
suffer a stroke.
No thank you ma'am.
No thank you.
What's he reading?
What are you reading?
'Rome Before the Ruins'
Han Amara
I love Rome.
Should've seen it
before it was ruined.
Are there any more questions
lean assist you with?
No. I don't think so.
Then I bid you a good day.
Good day Bernard.
Bernard door bell.
We don't want girl scout cookies.
Actually, it's a cake and it's free.
Free? Why? What's in it?
Chocolate chip swirl with walnuts.
My wife was a wonderful baker.
She used to make a cake
just like that.
She always used butter cream frosting.
Needs more walnuts.
Got it.
Chi-Na New Year arr-ive.
Year of the red fire monkey.
Bernard... the baker.
Says she knows you.
Hi. Sorry to just drop by like this.
Please come in and
remove your footwear.
May I offer you a glass
lactose-free milk?
I'm ok.
This actually is not a social visit.
I'm hereto propose an idea to you.
May I...
take a seat?
I'd like you to run for
the Livingston board
of education.
Excuse me?
Both Ms. Parikh and Mr. Del Tufo
are running unopposed for
the re-election this May.
And I'm sure you know
their policies are well
adrift from center
but you could be
springboard for new ideas.
I mean wouldn't you
like to see change?
I'm not sure if you're aware,
Veronica, but I'm only sixteen
years of age.
No, that's ok.
There's no age minimum
to be a board member.
I checked the bylaws.
May I ask why you don't run yourself?
You're the president of our
class therefore clearly
an adept politician.
The board of education
is a four year commitment
and if I won,
I couldn't go away to college.
I see.
So if I won, I couldn't
go away to college either?
You were planning on
going away to college?
The thought had crossed my mind, yes.
Of course it had.
What if you... um took a year off?
Studies show that students
who take a gap year
between high school and college
do even better when
they return to school
if I was required to
stay in New Jersey,
I could not only pursue
higher education atone
of the Garden State's
fine schools but also
continue to look after my grandfather.
Plus you'd make your grandma proud.
I mean you did say
she instilled in you
the importance of education... right?
What did the girl want?
She asks me to run for
the board of education.
Haha... and?
I'm going to heed the call
You're sure?
Good. That's the correct answer.
Hello sir. How are you today?
O.k. first order of business.
We need to submit a
petition with over a 200
signatures to city council.
My circle of acquaintances is
slightly under that threshold.
Well, that's why you
have a campaign manager.
Excuse me, ShopRite shopper,
may I ask if you are
of voting age?
Haha... you're sweet.
I thank you for the compliment.
May I trouble you to sign my petition
to campaign for the
Livingston Board of Education?
Ah, yeah., of course.
Interested in being
informed of several policies
I plan to champion?
I'm sorry but I can't now.
I've got ice cream in my cart.
Surely the melting of
your dairy products
is not more important than the future
education of your child.
We understand you're very busy
so thank you so much
for your signature.
Have a good day.
No.. we don't.
Why did you cut me off just then?
I was going to give her a
quick ten-minute summary
of our campaign policies.
Because she didn't seem
interested in our policies.
Well I admit I am a neophyte
in the field of campaigning
but do we really want the
support of the apathetic?
Yes, that is how elections are won.
Very well then.
Let's proceed.
Excuse me, ShopRite shopper,
would you like to be the change
you want to see in the world?
I have no change.
I was quoting Mahatma Gandhi,
not asking for nickels.
What are you guys doing here?
I'm collecting signatures to campaign
for the board of education.
I hope to be a breath of fresh air
to the Livingston educational regime.
It's like the Arab Spring
right here in Livingston.
Let me give you my 'JOHN DOE'.
Good luck with the campaign bro.
Thank you.
How often do you come here?
Whenever my grandfather needs
ingredients for a recipe.
He's quite an accomplished chef but
he detests supermarkets.
Let us continue.
I have shoes older than you.
Hey are you sure you
don't want anything?
I'm sure on multiple levels.
To name 4, I don't wish to
begin a caffeine addiction.
2. I'm on a very strict budget.
3. I don't see a sign
guaranteeing this premium
coffee has not been
labored at slave wages.
And fourthly, I do not support the
globalization of mega conglomerates.
But Starbucks is the
only coffee shop in town.
So what is the focal
point of this meeting?
Okay there's a few things.
Item one, finances.
In order to run a
proper campaign,
we're going to need money.
How much are you willing
to spend on advertising?
I presently survive on
an allowance that is,
let us say,
meager rather than generous.
Ok I guess I can charge the
photocopying and art supplies
to my credit card.
You have a credit card?
Ok item two?
Your name?
What's wrong with my name?
It's too formal.
From now on we're gonna call you
- Bernie?!
- Yeah Bernie.
That sounds like a
Sesame Street character.
Yeah, and those characters
are very likeable.
Item 3. Your appearance.
- Pardon me.
- We need to fix your hair and...
you're gonna need to
lose the braces, Bernie.
I will do no such thing.
And don't call me Bernie!
Congratulations to the
LHS boys soccer team,
who beat Randolph 3-0 last night
thanks to two goals
by Robbie McLoud and
one by David Bender.
The Bears, who are ranked 7th
in the Star-Ledger, are off
to a blazing start this season.
Back to you, Zev.
Thanks, Julia.
This morning we have
a special announcement
from Junior class
president Veronica Krauss.
Good morning, Bears.
I'd like to ask you to come
to the cafeteria today and
meet Bernie Flannigan,
our fellow Bear who is running for
the Livingston Board of Education.
Hello fellow students.
Bernie is finished asking
Look at Barf-nard's haircut.
So please come to the cafeteria today
to meet our future representative on
the Board of Education.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Thanks Veronica. Um so what's next?
You can get us some new uniforms?
Actually, I don't think there
will be room in the budget
for athletic fashion upgrades.
What Bernie means is that it isn't
one of his main campaign issues.
However he'll definitely
look into getting
new uniforms.
Why would you make such a claim
about wasting valuable funds
on modern day barbarianism?
We are gonna need
every vote we can get.
I didn't make any promises
to the football player.
I just said we'd look into it.
That's what politicians always say.
Plus, the only issues the
football players really care
about are football related issues.
can we get cigarette vending machines?
I'll look into it.
I'm holding you to that.
Make sure you tell
your parents to vote.
I hate my parents.
do you know the Bollywood crowd?
I'm familiar with the
work of Sonam Kapoor.
She was marvelous in Aisha.
I'm talking about the
Bollywood kids in our grade.
The ones sitting over there,
staring at us.
Yes, I know them.
They're in my AP chemistry class.
You are too funny.
I can't...
That was not meant to be funny.
I was...
Seriously stop, your...
You're too much. Ok let's go.
If you don't mind me asking,
why were you acting
like an unstable person?
Bernie, you're a politician.
You need to seem more... human.
- Human?
- People want to vote
for someone they'd like to have
a beer with.
But I would never drink beer.
Alcohol kills brain cells
and legally I can't
drink for 5 more years.
All I'm saying is that it can't
hurt to make people think
you can make girls laugh.
Of course I can make girls laugh.
The Cornish hen is divine Grandpa.
How've your grades been
the marking quarter?
Grades are so trivial.
These days I'm focused on my campaign
for the Board of Education.
Question is why are you doing this?
2 years you'll be
going off to college.
If I'm elected,
I promise to attend the
finest university within a commutable
distance from Livingston.
Many of the top universities
in the nation are in the
nation are in the New York/New Jersey
metropolitan area.
Who's gonna vote for you?
According to my campaign
manager as many people
as I can get.
We had differing
opinions on this matter
but I bowed to her wisdom.
Does she have a Ph.D.
in political science?
Did she teach atone
of New Jersey's finest
institutions of higher learning?
Did she work as a consultant
for Michael Dukakis in 1988?
No, but she has a credit card.
Haha... right.
That's what politics are today...
I hope I have not hurt your feelings.
Lean get over it if you play
shuffleboard with me tomorrow.
You have a deal.
Have a nice day.
Hey, you think like six of my
friends and I can share a room,
so we pay less?
Unfortunately not.
We signed a contract with the lodge
to abide by all their
rules and regulations.
- That blows.
- Yeah
Make sure you sign the
waiver form on the back page.
What kind of skis do you have?
'Dynastar Speed Cross'.
The vertical sidewalls on
those give the skis excellent
edge grip and balance.
However, for an all-mountain
ski I find the bindings to be sub-par
compared to the
'Atomic Blackeye Ti's'.
The 'Atomics' are pretty dope.
Catch you later, Bernie.
- You ski?
- Of course.
I was an East Coast Junior
Olympian in kindergarten.
My parents coached the team until
they were killed by an avalanche.
Your parents were
killed by an avalanche?
Yes, unfortunately avalanche balloons
weren't commonplace in 2006.
Do you ski?
Um. No,
but my dad's been saying for years
that he's gonna take me to Tahoe.
There's plenty of great mountains
on the East Coast as well.
Yeah, but he lives in California.
Veronica, if you don't ski,
why are you organizing the ski trip?
Because it'll look good
on my transcript to Yale.
I organize activities all the
time that I have no interest in.
So Yale is your top choice?
They have by far the most renowned
history program in the country.
I didn't realize you
were such a history buff.
Actually, I find history
to be pretty boring.
It's just that history
is the best major to have
when applying to law school.
So you want to be a lawyer?
No. I want to be a
Supreme Court Justice.
That's a very impressive career goal.
I personally believe the Supreme Court
is the most influential
branch of our democracy.
Did you know that
every member on the
current Supreme Court bench
graduated from either
Harvard or Yale?
If I go to both,
I'll be on a great path
towards the Supreme Court.
I thought Justice Ginsburg
graduated from Columbia?
She did but she actually
started law school
at Harvard and then
transferred to Columbia.
She was the first woman ever to be on
the Harvard Law Review and
the Columbia Law Review.
I have no doubt you'll be
successful in your venture.
a word of advice for when you are
on the Supreme Court.
Never accept a Coke
from Clarence Thomas.
Haha... You're gross, Bernie.
Do you think Barf-nard
and Virgin-ica are
actually dating?
I just ate lunch.
Good afternoon Bernard.
I have a list of grievances
not unlike Martin Luther's 95 Theses.
This is very heavy.
I estimate it will take up
roughly 6 pages of newsprint.
I only have 10 pages of newsprint.
In your hand, you possess my official
declaration of
candidacy the Livingston
Board of Education.
Your running for the
Board of Education?
What does your grandfather
feel about your candidacy?
Well, local politics is not his forte.
He much prefers shuffleboard.
I'd like to try shuffleboard someday.
Salutations, Post Worker Wesley.
First class international mail please.
Here's my customs form.
'B', we go through this every time,
You should use a padded
envelope to protect your tape.
Out of principle I refuse to pay extra
money for air wrapped in
non recyclable plastic.
Okay, but I can hook you
up with some bubble wrap.
Something your special lady
will enjoy just popping.
Let me get you another one.
Yeah. There you go.
I'm really glad you're not
just emailing your lady.
There's something special about
receiving that letter in the mail.
It's like the first time
you see a baby deer born.
He shoots right out of his
mom and all that little stuff
falls out and gets messy everywhere.
Can't buy that feeling.
And email just doesn't cut it.
Also, I don't wish to share the
contents of our relationship
with the NSA.
you shouldn't cause they're watching.
They're watching right now.
Put the fluff down Bernard.
Start stretching.
Actually, I believe that
maybe, guest, I invited over.
We have a game bud.
Hello, Bernard.
I hope I'm not too early.
Please come in.
Thank you.
Grandpa, this is the Editor-In-Chief
of 'The Livingston Weekly'.
this is my grandfather, Oswald.
Very pleased to me you.
What's in the bag?
Ice cream.
You churn it yourself?
No, my friends Ben & Jerry.
What kind of ice cream?
Chocolate chip cookie dough.
That's my grandfather's
third favorite kind.
Pay him no heed. He thinks vanilla and
vanilla-bean should be
categorized separately.
- They should be.
- They should be.
Shall I put it in the freezer?
Yes please, right through here.
What's going on?
Every woman comes here,
wants to bring us, sweets.
It is the year of the monkey, Grandpa.
It appears my grandson brought
a hustler to our yard.
You must be on the
shuffleboard circuit.
I swear this is my first time.
So you're a natural?
In some ways.
I was gonna take it easy on you.
What a sap.
- Your grandchild
- Does Bernard play?
Does Bernard play?
I would say barely to that question.
He's usually too busy
with his extracurriculars.
I'm finished.
Wow. I had no idea that
you were an artist.
Painting is merely my preferred
mandatory school elective.
Which is yours?
I like orchestra. I play the violin.
Just like former Supreme
Court Justice Abe Fortas.
what is our next campaign maneuver?
Kay, we need to get the posters around
town and get your name out there.
What are the five most highly
trafficked spots in Livingston?
I would venture to guess... the mall.
post office,
and the hospital.
Maybe we skip the hospital.
I don't want people to
associate Bernie Flannigan
with emergency rooms.
That seems prudent.
Bernard. Jehovahs.
You know,
your yard could use some T-L-C.
Tender loving care.
Hey, who's that?
That's Tai-Yu. My Aurora Borealis.
You have a girlfriend?
Yes, I am in a committed,
long distance,
loving, monogamous relationship.
Oh. How'd you guys meet?
We have been pen-pals
since the fourth grade.
It was a social studies assignment.
Yeah, in Mr. Dubrow's class?
Your pen-pal was from Finland.
I believe her name was Evilina.
- Avalina.
- Avalina.
You were in that class?
I sat directly behind you.
Your side ponytail was
a constant hindrance
to seeing the black board.
You remember my side ponytail?
Hey honey.
Did you two have fun?
Yeah, I think so.
It was kinda hard to tell with Bernie.
Mom, what do you think about
long distance relationships?
Let me put it like this.
Everyone I know who's moved
from New York to L.A.
for their career, has wound up ending
it with their significant other.
So they usually never ever work out?
Didn't for me and your dad.
Whoa, I like this portrait.
It's like Singer Sargent
meets Edward Hopper.
You're familiar with the 20th century
American realism movement?
Yeah, I studied it in college.
C'mon sweetie.
That's my mom. I've got to go.
I have a violin lesson.
Bye you guys.
How was your day?
Dude, your girlfriend is pretty chill.
She's actually my campaign manager.
My girlfriend lives in China.
China? Out of site, out of mind, bro.
Condoms on aisle six,
if you know what I mean.
Bernie, bro, you were so right
about the 'Dynastar' bindings.
I hope you heal quickly.
Thanks, man. I'm definitely
taking your advice next year.
How much are the candy-grams?
One is two dollars. Two are three
dollars. Three are four dollars.
The more you buy, the more you save.
I'll take two.
There you go.
Thank you.
By the way, Bernie,
I told my parents to
vote for you bro.
Thank you.
You got it.
Would you like to buy a candy gram?
Unfortunately, I don't have
two dollars to spare today.
Well, this one is on me.
Feel free to give it
to whoever you want.
This Friday night the drama
club is putting on a musical
adaptation of...
Stanley Kubrick's
seminal film 'Full Metal Jacket'.
Tickets are five dollars at the door
and I hope to see you guys all there.
Thank you, Jared.
Emily you're up next.
Mr. Ruble cellphones away Please
you know better than that.
Hey, I heard you're having
a party after the play.
It's sort of just for
the cast of the show
but I guess anyone can come.
Can I come?
You look cute.
Bye mom.
Have fun.
- Hello.
- Hi.
Organizing a Town Hall
meeting was a great idea.
Thank you.
You can take your helmet off now.
Welcome to 'Nam'.
Thanks. I brought pretzels.
Whoa! What's up?
So you guys want some Merlot?
But alas, I shall pass
as I rode my bike here
as a politician,
cannot risk getting a 'BUl'.
Right. You want some, Veronica?
Oh no I can't.
I made all student council
members sign a sobriety pact.
- So.
- Alright, well you 2 have fun?
- We will thanks
- Whoa!
This isn't a town hall meeting, is it?
Technically it's a party.
So that's why you're
looking so stylish?
Well yeah, I just thought it could be
a good chance to get
your face out there.
I understand.
So, who should I put my
face in front of first?
So my plan would be to close the
auxiliary gym and convert it
into a meditation
garden slash greenhouse.
Whoah, that sounds awesome.
I believe it could be
a great escape between
class periods. A place for
students to perform Tai Chi
and have a safe haven
for inner reflection.
And we could grow some stuff in there.
Exactly, yes.
I'm totally gonna tell my
old man to vote for you.
Thanks bro.
Good luck, bro.
Are you in high school?
I used to be.
It just uncured to me that
is our first Friday night
out together.
It's almost like a date.
Yes, I guess it almost is.
Is it getting a little
hot in hereto you?
The warmth is probably
due to the blatant
fire law violation
in this clearly over capacity room.
Maybe we should get some fresh air.
Actually, if you'll excuse me,
I need to use the facilities.
Dorie... Dorie.
It's Veronica
- Veronica.
- Yeah.
Did you bring Bernie here?
Ah... yeah.
Is he like your boyfriend?
Not like officially or anything.
Is it true that he was test tube baby?
I heard he was a narc.
As if he was arrested in like
6th grade for hacking in to
the F.B.I.'s website or something
You guys are student council reps.
You're not supposed to be drinking.
Chill out, Veronica.
We're just having some fun.
Maybe you're the narc.
Did you check out her chopsticks?
What the hell is going here?
Where's my son?
I'm here mom.
What in God's name are you wearing?
It's from a play that I was in.
Jesus Christ.
I thought we talked about
his whole theater thing.
Excuse me, are you the homeowners?
May I suggest you place a small
plastic bag weighted with pebbles
into your toilet tank.
Displacing water in this manner
allows you to save 5
to 10 gallons a day.
It's good for the environment
and fiscally responsible.
Who the hell are you?
My name's Bernard Flannigan.
I'm running for the
Board of Education.
There's no need to worry I sanitized.
Bye Veronica. Bye Bernie.
I believe that went moderately well.
Is it true you once hacked
into the FBI's website?
Of course not.
It was the EPA.
Alright break it up kids.
Mom, what's the best way
for me to make a friend
into more than a friend?
Well, do you remember when
Haden got together with Benson?
Of course.
Of course, Haden thought Benson
was beautiful and charming,
but he also found
her to be mysterious.
She hadn't had a serious
love interest for 13 seasons.
Don't ask me why.
Anyway, Haden knew that it
would take a lot of work to
get Benson to see him
in a romantic light
He's willing to put in that effort
even if it meant
stretching the boundaries
of their working relationship.
Like when he met her at her favorite
donut shop and wooed her
on her own home turf.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, I think so.
What are you doing?
Cutting your grass.
I can see that! But why?
Because it'll help you fit
into the community better.
It's another part of your
political self-transformation,
You know, like changing your name
or restyling your hair.
I appreciate the thought but
annihilating an ecosystem
for political appearances
is not my modus operandi.
look at the yard.
Needs a little TLC.
That's what she's doing.
Bernard think of it
as a controlled burn.
You know what controlled burn is?
- Yes.
- Okay.
It's when you put fire to the forest
I know what a controlled burn is.
So the vegetation, well that's good.
Yes okay so.
Oh by the way.
I found this in your grass.
Thank you.
Of course.
Thank you ma'am.
Oh boy.
That's enough of that.
Why is it that we're always meeting
at this franchise I so disdain?
Cause you need to show
the community that
you're one of them,
Very well.
Let's proceed.
So, what is our first order
of business for today?
Who do you think is the
prettiest girl in our class?
I don't see how that
relates to the campaign.
The meeting hasn't started yet.
So who's the prettiest?
in itself is such an abstract concept.
Well, you clearly like Asians, right?
One could say I am a connoisseur
of more ethnic women. Yes.
However, my palette isn't
always preferential
to the Asian continent.
Well what about me?
Do you think I'm pretty?
Yes, Veronica.
I think you have a beautiful mind and
a beautiful body.
So can we get back to the campaign now
Yes of course.
Item one. Winning the support
of 'The Livingston Weekly'.
The paper will be
endorsing two candidates.
It is imperative they back you.
I believe I may have
inadvertently started
towards that goal, already.
Good. Now take it up a notch.
Grandpa, what is on your
schedule this fine Saturday?
lunch, maybe a nap,
shuffleboard and dinner.
Could you squeeze a
voyage to the cinema
somewhere into your hectic itinerary?
Can you promise me it won't be 3-D?
I hope you don't think that low of me.
I go to the cinema for the stories.
If I wanted to feel as if a
bird or a ball were flying at
my face I'd simply go to the park.
Save myself 16 dollars.
I'm in.
Would you mind if invited a friend?
Oh boy.
If you excuse me, I have a
sudden craving for 'Smarties'.
Have you ever been to Paris?
My wife and I always talked about it.
We never found the time.
My husband took me for our
twenty-fifth anniversary.
Is it really the most
romantic city in the world?
Well, I haven't been
everywhere so I couldn't say.
If you could do the writing?
Where do you see yourself going next?
I've heard that Lithuania
is lovely in the spring.
Lithuania wow.
Along walk from her to Lithuania.
Would like you to come
to dinner on Monday?
Mondays not good for Bernard.
I thought maybe it could
just be the two of us.
I think we're old enough
not to need a chaperone.
Did I miss anything?
Why are we doing this?
It's months away from
anyone's birthday.
You shouldn't need a special
occasion to see people
that you love.
Hello Grandmother.
Hello Mother. Hello Father.
Hi ya'll.
I brought you some sunflowers today.
And to borrow from
the Jewish tradition,
I have brought rocks
to place on your graves
to signify my enduring
love and memory of you.
I come bearing some exciting news
I'm now an official
candidate for the Livingston
Board of Education.
You know what he also has?
He also has a girl.
Who comes by the house.
And they go to his bedroom.
Her name is Veronica Krauss.
She's my campaign manager.
Grandpa also has new friend.
I got a new pair of shoes last...
Ah... What was it?
98 when you bought
me that pair of shoes
look kinda of like this.
Well, these are new.
They don't fit as good as your's
darling but they're
I like them.
Why didn't you tell everybody
about the Editor-Ln-Chief?
There's nothing to tell.
Everything is on pace for the Jr.
We put a down payment
for the caterer and
DJ has agreed to...
I'm sure everything will
be perfect, Veronica.
My only question is,
who's gonna be your luck date?
Hello Jr. Class.
I'd like to thank Principal
Greely for allowing us to hold
this pep rally today.
For the first time in
my three years at LHS
we're gathered here not to
cheer on a sport or an athlete
but rather to show our
support for a selfless
member of our student body.
Please put your hands
together for the next member
of the Livingston Board of Education.
Bernie Flannigan.
Thank you, Livingston High School.
Next month I will be
representing us, the students,
in the board of education elections.
I ask that all of you who can,
not only vote
but also encourage your
parents or guardians
to do the same.
Next week I will be engaging
in a political debate with
the other candidates at
the Spring PTA meeting.
I hope that you come
and show your support.
If your parents see your
fervor for your education
we can only hope it will inspire them
to cast a ballot for change.
Since I declared my candidacy,
I have heard from so many
of you.
Your ideas and concerns
resonate with me.
For example, there is David
Shankles, a freshman,
who would like for all
students to have iPads
or Kindles or some
form of a PDF reader.
David is tired of
carrying around his books
as I'm sure most of you are.
This is 2016 and we have
an opportunity to save
our backs but also thousands of trees.
Then there's Sally Stephenson,
a sophomore.
Who ask me to look
into more field trips.
Livingston is throwing
distance from New York City.
And some of the best
museums in the world.
Yet how many of you have ever been to
'The Natural History Museum'?
Please, raise your hand if you have.
Please lower your hands if
you went with your family.
As I suspected.
I, for one, think the
township should be ashamed.
Finally, there's Russel Wachtler,
a senior,
who suggested to me that
in the nurse's office
there should be a
basket of free condoms.
Students are mature enough
to vote and to fight in wars,
so surely they should be mature
enough to have protected sex.
Am I right?
So please go home
and tell your parents
to vote for me.
Bernie Flannigan to be your
to be your voice on the
Livingston Board of Education.
Shall we begin the debate prep?
Yes. What's your opinion
on school vouchers?
I think they're a good thing
in a free market economy.
Public education could use
the competition especially
in lower-income areas.
Name three things you would
cut from the school budget.
French, all processed
foods from the cafeteria,
the gifted and talented
program in elementary school.
You would cut gifted and talented?
Yeah I was in gifted and talented.
As was I.
However, I'm confident telling
90% of elementary school
children that they do
not qualify for G& is not a very good thing
for childhood development.
That's great.
Can we stop for one second?
One second. I gotta catch my breath.
Why did we have to prep while jogging?
Studies show that the brain
is at its sharpest while
physically active.
Are you ready for some sit-ups?
Are you serious?
Can I tell you something?
Of course.
I got an A-in gym last year.
There's nothing wrong with an A-.
Yes there is.
That A-screwed up my GPA
and because of it I'm
# 2 in our class.
It's okay to not to be #1.
Not if you want to go to Yale.
Oh no.
You owe 4 sets of 20.
PDA, anyone?
They need to get a room.
When is your turn?
After your 4 sets of 20.
Hello, you've reached
the Flannigans be brief.
Hello Oswald. It's Barbara.
I was wondering if you'd like
to come over later for dinner.
I'm making fajitas.
Also next week there's a
lecture at the library
on Russian Oligarchs.
I thought you might be interested.
I thought you might be interested.
In any case, give it. Give me a call.
One way or the other.
Well okay, bye.
What's your stance on teacher tenure?
I don't like it.
I respect teachers and think they
should be paid a better wage.
However, I also think they should be
judged on their annual performance.
Just like ever other profession.
I love that dress.
It's quite lovely.
Hypothetically speaking,
if you were to take anyone
to Junior Prom, who would you take?
Of course, I would take Tai-Yu.
I meant someone local.
Well, hypothetically speaking
if I didn't have a girlfriend who
lives ten thousand miles away,
I would probably take... you.
And who would you take to the prom?
Hypothetically speaking.
I guess I would take you too.
We should probably get going.
I have a number of errands
to run before the debate.
Yeah. No me too.
You shouldn't smoke marijuana, Mike.
Hi, Wesley.
I have some letters to mail.
What are all these?
Just some campaign
literature about Bernie.
I'm sending fliers to every
registered independent
in Livingston.
Oh man, Bernie is lucky
to have you on his side.
Thank you.
How's he holding up?
He hasn't been here in a while
and his P.O. box is over flowing.
Oh yeah. That reminds me. Here.
He gave me his key and
a signed authorization
to pick it up.
He's been super busy lately.
Is that okay?
Should be fine.
This checks out.
Let me go grab it for you.
I'll be right back.
Great thank you.
Hey Evelyne, you want lunch?
Hell yeah.
Catfish, Tuna fish...
all kinds of fish.
Alright here we go.
Thank you so much.
Good luck. Have a good one.
See you.
E-wo, hello Ber-yard. Lope you nice.
Tis is har to say but I tink
we ould see otter pee-pol.
She's breaking up with him.
Be far away har.
Very har. An now you no
Stu-Dy a-broa-d.
Our love drift like Ian-tern
- at the moon fes-ti-val.
- She's breaking up with him.
Ian-tern fly in air like big fire-fly.
Very beau-ti-ful.
Then dis-a-ppear and burn.
Good evening. We could
all take our seats, please
and settle in. Thank you very much.
First off, I want to welcome
everyone here tonight.
As well as the viewers
at home who are watching
on Public Access.
Tonight's format will be very simple.
If you have a question
for candidates,
raise your hand and I'll call on you.
Who wants to lead us off tonight
with the first question?
Yes, in the back.
Yes, Ms. Parikh,
I would like to know what would
your major goals be
if you are re-elected?
My major goal would be to
ensure that every school
in the district meets the Blue
Ribbon of Excellence standard.
If we can accomplish this feat
it means we will have done a
lot of little things right.
I'd like my one minute rebuttal
that is in accordance with
Lincoln-Douglas style debate.
- Greely, what is this?
- Wait a second.
This not a debate.
Marshal is sick. I gonna have
to rearrange the whole schedule
honey I'm so sorry.
You know what,
just give me a half hour.
We'll have everyone have
a chance for a rebuttal
As long as you keep it to
one minute, understood.
Yes, thank you.
One minute.
To touch upon Ms. Parikh's goal.
The current board of education
has been in place for five years
and in that time only one new
school within our district
is qualified for the blue
ribbon of excellence.
However governmental awards are not
what we should be striving for.
Our only concern should
be in improvement.
Livingston's scholastic test
scores though above the national
average have plateaued
for three years straight.
And it's good to be good,
but it is better to be the best.
Wow, father can I run for
the Board of Education.
The choice is clear, Livingston.
You can stick with the
old regime and continue
with the oppression of our
student or you can rise up
and demand to be heard.
Let the Board of Education know
that this town needs new ideas.
Out with the old, in with the new.
Very inspiring.
Bernard you were great in there.
I hope it was enough to gain the
Livingston Weekly's endorsement.
Well there are a lot
of factors to figure in
so we'll see but regardless
I'm so impressed on how
hard you've worked on this campaign.
Thank you.
How's your grandfather?
I haven't heard from
him in a few weeks.
Well he's been quite busy
reading Robert Cam's tetralogy
on President Johnson.
Oh I see.
I see how that might
take up a lot of time.
You were amazing.
The clear cut winner.
Do you mind if I
steal Bernie a minute?
I just need to talk to him in private.
No not all, go ahead.
Thank you. Come on.
I need you to listen to something.
E-wo, hello, Ber-yard. I ope you nice.
Tis is har to say but I tink
we ould see otter pee-pow.
I'm so sorry.
Where did you get that tape?
You opened my mail?
Just that letter.
That is a federal offense, Veronica.
- I know I know
- You could be fined ten to
twenty-five thousand
dollars and be faced with
up to three years in prison.
- Ok ok I'm sorry
- for what you did.
- I know I shouldn't have
- You could literally
- done that. I couldn't
- never become a supreme
- help myself.
- Court justice
- I know it was
- because of what you did.
Crime of passion, Bernie.
No, do not call me Bernie.
My name is Bernard.
Don't you know what this means?
It means you're even
more self-centered
than I originally thought.
No, no...
it means that we can be together.
Be together? I could never be
with you. The only person you
care about is yourself.
Everything you do is about you.
I do things for other
people all the time.
Only because you think it'll
help you. You organize
fund-raisers and ski trips
not because you care about
what other people want,
but because it'll look
good on your college transcript.
And let's be honest, the only reason
that you even befriended
me in the first place
is because you wanted me
to get rid of class rank
so that Yale wouldn't know
you weren't number one.
- That's not true.
- Yes it is.
Want to know how I know that
you only care about yourself?
You never even asked
me what I was ranked.
So let me tell you.
I'm number one.
You're number one?
Why didn't you say anything?
I was trying to help you.
No, no...
you are a hypocrite.
You are just as selfish as me.
Everything you do is about you.
You only want the
school to teach Chinese,
so you can talk to your girlfriend.
The only reason you only
want bike lanes in town
because you are the only
one ride a stupid bicycle.
You didn't try helping me.
Ok. You used me,
just like I used you.
You betrayed me.
I know I shouldn't
have opened that letter
but at least I was
honest with you about it.
I couldn't have pretended
like I had no idea
which is exactly what you did to me.
So fuck you.
Hey Bernie, my older sisters
having a party this weekend
you should swing by.
Yeah, it'll be a great opportunity
to meet some new voters.
Thank you but I'm no longer
actively campaigning.
So sad.
Your lost.
I think Barf-nard dumped Virgin-ica.
I think Virgin-ica dumped Barf-nard.
Hey, very nice shot.
How did you know that
you loved grandma?
About a thousand different ways.
First of all, she was my best friend.
Secondly, we met when we're about 12.
Didn't start dating until we were 17
and we were inseparable.
She not only completed me...
but she pushed me
in ways that I would
never ever push myself.
I was just like a motionless
disc and she was my cue.
I feel like a motionless
disc these days.
You know I have a PhD
in political science
but despite that
I think that I...
I might I know a thing
or two about love.
When you find somebody
who makes you feel
that you want to be a 10.
Hang on to her.
Put your arms around her
keep her next to you
for as long as you live. Cherish her.
It's as simple as that and
you know what? You'll know.
The minute it happens
to you and she'll know
unless she's a jerk.
Now everybody looks good
in a little black dress.
I like it a lot but I
don't know if I love it.
Well forget it then I only want
you to wear a dress you love.
Come on let's keep looking.
I think it will look perfect on you.
That's your mother.
Did you have to say that?
Oh, that is stunning.
That would be perfect on you.
Mom I messed up.
Sweetie, no, everybody messes up.
No not you.
Are you kidding?
Baby... I mess up all the time.
- You do?
- Yes.
I'm gonna tell you a story
I've never told you.
Back in high was in love with
a boy named Kevin Cooper.
Oh, he was handsome, kind talented.
He had the lead in the
high school musical
every year and he was the captain
of the cross country team.
All I wanted was for
him to be my boyfriend.
So for the next 3 years I
began to flirt with him.
Yet, he only looked at me as a friend.
So my senior year
I decided the best way
to get Kevin to see me
in a romantic light was to flirt
with his best friend Craig.
Now I know it was wrong to
use Craig to get to Kevin.
I didn't care. I really liked Kevin.
One night at a party,
our flirting went a little to far
and we ended up making out.
Did Kevin like you after that?
No, what he hated me.
Turns out he was gay
as a French horn and
Craig was his boyfriend.
Craig broke up with him
because he cheated with me.
My point is I hated
myself for what I did.
Not only did I not
Kevin as my boyfriend.
I lost him as my friend.
Did you guys make up after that?
Yeah, we did. Summer after graduation.
What did you do?
Said I was sorry.
Hey man.
Saw you on T.V. You rocked it.
Thank you.
Hey are you feeling alright?
Your observational skills are acute.
You want to talk about it?
Like psychotherapy?
I was thinking more like friends.
Can I show you something in the back?
Attention shoppers,
planning a special event?
We'll be sure to visit our
catering department.
These are all originals?
Yeah, it's a little bit of everything.
Check this out.
You've captured my essence.
Where did you learn
to paint like this?
You went to Yale?
Summa Cum Laude, bro.
I need a favor.
Why are you wearing oven mitts?
Cause the quiche is still hot.
Will you buy that?
Come on in.
That was a lot more
fun than shuffleboard.
Yes it was.
Yes it was.
And a good morning to you sir.
Did you mix up your medications,
You have a certain glow
to you this morning.
Haha... I'm thrilled to be alive.
What's the matter?
The Editor-Ln-Chief has assassinated
my political aspirations.
Let me see this.
What's the matter with this?
There has never been a candidate
like Bernard K. Flannigan.
He would be an influential member
of the Board of Education.
Flattery will get me nowhere.
Although we cannot in
good conscious endorse
him for this position.
We have no doubt we
will be hearing his name
for years to come.
In fact, we think
that it would do Bernard
a great disservice
to shackle him with a four year
Board of Education commitment
instead of allowing him to spread his
wings at an out-of-state university.
Now what the hell is
the matter with that?
Grandpa, studies show those
who vote are the most inclined
to read the newspaper.
I believe you taught that in
your Political Science 401 class.
Okay, so you're out you lose.
That's it.
Go ahead and quit. Walk away.
Been granted permission by the
principal to miss classes today.
Would you like to accompany
me as I campaign?
I'll be right back.
What am I supposed to do, huh?
Big day. 'B'.
Indeed it is. Did I receive any mail?
- No.
- Okay.
You think you still got
it chance even though
the paper didn't endorse you.
Nobody thought Truman would win
in 1948. But alas he beat Dewey
despite a three-way
split in his own party.
Got my fingers crossed for you, 'B'.
Excuse me ma'am.
Hi, I'm Zev August from LHS LIVE!
Today, we're conducting an exit poll
to get some insight
into today's election.
Would you mind sharing
with us who you voted for?
Um, I voted for the two adults.
You heard it here first.
The exit polls are trending
towards the incumbents.
However, the polls will be open
for another five hours
so there's still a chance
for Bernie Flannigan,
the hope of the high school.
Veronica I have consulted
various medical journals
and have discovered
that it is physically
impossible to choke to death
from swallowing your own pride
so with that let me say
Is everything ok, sweetie?
Yeah, everything is good.
I need your opinion though.
What top with this skirt?
Good evening,
good evening everyone.
I remember standing next
to Michael Dukakis in 1988.
The anticipation felt just like this.
As the mayor,
it is my duty and my honor
to read the election results.
With six thousand,
four hundred and fifty-eight votes,
the first open seat on the
Livingston School Board goes to
Mr. Ernest Del Tufo.
Thank you so much.
Congratulations. So welcome sir.
So welcome sir.
And we have one more coming.
With six thousand and
seventy-one votes,
the second open seat on the
Livingston School Board goes to...
Thank goodness.
Ms. Bindu Parikh.
The people have spoken.
I know it hurts.
It's a bump in the road.
Abraham Lincoln lost
just about every election
he was ever in until
he ran for president.
I'm well aware of the legendary
losers who have once been
in my position.
But that's not the point.
The point is those were great men.
They went out into the world and
learned how to better themselves.
And then, one day when the
opportunity came they simply
changed the world.
So there is no excuse now
for you not to go and get
in the finest university
you can find and then one day
when your time comes
you sir, will change the world.
Thank you.
Bernard, I'm sorry you didn't win
but there will always be a next time.
Yes. Yes, you are absolutely right
Ever tried. Ever failed.
No matter. Try Again.
Fail again. Fail better.
You are a remarkable young man.
Thank you.
Now, would you mind giving
my grandfather a ride
I'd like to take a solo
ride to clear my head.
It would be my pleasure.
Hold your head up high.
Thank you for not endorsing him.
You have nothing to thank me for,
you wrote the op-ed.
Now he's got no excuse to stay
at home after high school.
And you've got no excuse to stay
home and not go traveling with me.
You sneaky little person.
You want me to go to Lithuania?
Oh, God. I can't even spell it.
Hi Bernard.
I'm sorry that you lost.
It's ok.
We gave it our best effort.
And I'm sorry I read your mail
and for everything I said.
You didn't deserve that.
No, you were right.
If you didn't knock
on my door that day
I'd still be living
in a fantasy world.
You made me a much happier person.
That's why I'm going to do this.
Honestly, I thought she was a lesbian.
I wish that were me.
Do you think maybe you
could give me a ride home?
Yes... haha.
Excuse me Mr. Bernard.
Yes, young citizen.
Can I get your autograph?
You want my autograph?
He's a big fan. He wants to run for
the Board of Education next year.
Thank you.
Thank you.
- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.
Shall we go?
Do you want the first
seat or the second?
Second is great.
- You're ready?
- Ready.
Veronica will you go
to the prom with me?
I have the perfect dress.