Clear History (2013) Movie Script

(25 OR 6 TO 4.
Oh. Fuck.
Sir, you were driving
erratically back there.
I'm gonna be honest with you, okay.
I kind of got swept up in the music and...
You know, I got swept up.
I was swept. I got swept up.
Sir, step out of the car.
Have you ever performed
a field sobriety test?
- Just put one foot in front of the other.
- Yeah.
Heel-to-toe, for nine steps.
One foot and extend your arms to the side.
Can you do that?
I'm sober! I can't do it!
No shaking.
Look, this is not easy.
You can do it 'cause you've practiced.
- Come with me.
- What?
Sir, you are clearly intoxicated.
I'm not! I wasn't drinking.
I was just happy.
Is that the penalty for being happy?
The head, the head, the precious head.
Don't hurt the head.
- Hey, Nathan.
- Hey, Ben.
How are you, man?
What a fucked up morning I had.
- Today? This morning?
- Yeah, this morning.
Hey, did you hear
Haney's gonna use one of my ideas
in the big presentation today.
- Is that right'?
- Yeah, how about that, huh?
- Congratulations.
- Thank you very much.
Your mother must be so proud of you.
- Well...
- "Ben got something in the presentation."
- "We're so proud of him."
- It's... Yeah.
- "Did you hear?"
- I hope Haney likes it.
Did you see? His son is
in the office today.
- Is that right?
- Yeah, Howard.
He named his son after Howard Roark
from Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead.
- Howard Roark.
- I never read it.
As far as I'm concerned,
he's probably the biggest asshole
in the history of literature,
and then you name your kid...
- Why would you do that?
- Oh, Jesus.
- Are you all right down there?
- This just drives me crazy.
I'm sick of these outlets
always on the floor.
Every time I try and plug something in,
I have to move furniture,
and I strain my back.
Why can't outlets be up here?
- At eye level.
- Eye level?
What are they, like genitals?
We have to hide them?
Why are we hiding outlets?
- Think about it.
- Yeah. It's a...
- See you later.
- Okay.
Good to see you, boss. Good luck today.
Hey. Ben, how are you? Where you been?
I had a little problem
this morning.
- It's... Crazy.
- Big day today.
Sorry. Sorry I'm late.
Is that new?
No. I've had it for a while.
That's a Plepler, he paints shopping carts.
As a kid, I was fascinated
by shopping carts
because you get to drive them
in the supermarket.
It's quite beautiful. I can't believe
I never noticed that before.
Something about the shopping cart
I find mesmerizing.
Hey, look who's here!
Hi, buddy. How ya doing?
How are you doing?
You wanna meet Mr. Flomm?
- Hello. Hi.
- Hi.
Nathan, this is my son, Howard.
- Hello.
- This is our nanny, Marina.
- Marina, this is Nathan Flomm.
- Marina?
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
I like that, that swirl
you got on your hair there.
Thank you. It takes a few hours.
- Huh? It takes a few hours.
- It takes a few hours.
What do you do about the shampooing?
Once a week.
- You shampoo once a week.
- Once a week when I do it.
You may wanna consider
going twice, you know.
That's a long time to
go without shampooing.
But this takes two hours.
Try a second shampoo.
Take a little tip, little tip.
He's a full-time job.
She's a very valuable member of our family.
Wonderful caregiver.
Will you do me a favor and take Howard out
to the front desk and wait for me there.
You need to get in there.
I wanna say goodbye
before he goes to school.
I'm... Every day.
Okay, buddy. Will you
wait for me out there?
- Okay.
- All right.
- Bye. Nice to meet you.
- Love you.
Isn't he cute?
She's shampooing once a week,
are you kidding me?
Congratulations to Andy Matsin.
Good job.
Also to Mark and his aerodynamics team
for perfecting the exterior
profile of the car
and reducing the drag coefficient
to a very slippery 0.23.
Very good job, Mark.
So I've answered
all the tough questions about the car.
Is it safer? Is it more efficient?
Can it travel further on a single charge
than any other production
electric vehicle out there?
Yes, yes, and yes.
So there's probably one more question
that you all have.
What's the name?
What are we gonna call
this bold new vision?
It's a name that instantly
defines our product.
Ladies and gentlemen...
The Howard.
- Are you kidding'?
- Thank you very much.
- The Howard? Honestly?
- The Howard. Yes.
- That's what we're calling this?
- Yes.
I'm sorry.
I got a real problem with this name, man.
- Oh, God, Nathan.
- Howard? You can't...
You can't call a car Howard.
Come on. Seriously.
I tell you what.
Everybody, let's reconvene in 15.
Nathan and I are gonna
have a quick discussion
about the marketing of this.
Let's move forward.
- Do you like this name?
- It's a great name, man.
Grab that door on your way out. Hey.
All right. Let me just say this, okay.
You brought me into this company
for my marketing expertise, correct?
- Yes.
- Okay.
I hate to toot my own horn,
but you know I was the brains
behind the Edible Arrangements.
1,030% growth in three fiscal quarters.
- I'm aware.
- I'm not making that up.
Call Patrick Lyons, he'll tell you...
Nathan, I'm aware of your success.
It's why we hired you.
Okay. You're making it impossible
for me to market this car. I can't do it.
Nobody's gonna buy a car named Howard.
It's like naming a restaurant Hepatitis.
- It's a name.
- It's not a good name.
Call it a Dewey. That's a good name.
A Duncan. Call it Duncan.
Nathan, your job
is to come up with the marketing.
Marketers market. Inventors invent.
It's a slam-dunk.
- By the way, what happened to the pee flap?
- The pee flap...
Nathan, are you still
on this horrible idea, the pee flap?
- I thought you were into it?
- It's an insane idea.
- Everybody wants to pee in their car.
- Nobody wants to pee in their car.
- I wanna pee in my car.
- You'd get pee all over yourself.
No, the tube comes up high enough
that it will catch everything.
Nathan, everybody's different.
How big is the tube?
You put your balls and your penis
in the tube and that's that.
And you have different size pee tubes
if you happen to have big genitals.
What about the liability?
What happens if you hit a bump
with your dick and balls in a tube
and you... It chops it off?
So people sign a little waiver
or something. Big deal.
Nathan, it's a... What do women do?
What do women do? Half of our market?
All right. So women don't have to use it.
You can't turn the interior of a car
into a urinal.
Bad idea. The car is perfect.
I'm sure I could've
worked something out for women.
Nathan, your job is to sell it,
and if you can't do that job,
we're gonna find somebody else that can.
You are invested in this company.
You have 10% of this company.
You wanna walk away from that?
Are you offering me my 10% back?
I will happily give you your 10% back.
You have a deal.
- You're making a huge mistake.
- I think you're making a mistake.
It's the worst decision
you've ever made in your life.
You made the worst decision. Howard.
How beautiful is this?
I don't think that salmon
was wild, by the way.
- Did you see this?
- Oh, my God, that's beautiful.
We have a rosewater-infused,
white chocolate souffl,
with an almond chutney.
And here we have the raspberry
and chocolate mousse
with a kola nut
and cocoa mousse in the center.
- Kola nut?
- Yes, kola nut. Enjoy.
I was... I was walking down Castro Street,
and this fat woman is coming toward me
and she bumps me with her stomach
and knocks me off the curb.
It was hilarious.
What is... What did you do to her?
- Out of the clear blue sky...
- Are you okay?
Yeah, of course, I'm okay.
It was funny.
There was a cop, saw the whole thing,
he was laughing.
This city, what's happening is disgusting.
These homeless people,
the hospitals are releasing them...
- it's so sad.
- They're in Mountain View now.
It's not sad. It's a funny story.
- I just don't understand...
- You don't think that's funny?
A fat woman just hits me off the road...
- If you say fat again...
- Oh, you can't say fat.
You can't say fat.
What is going on with Electron Motors?
I'm very excited
about the electric car coming out.
Oh, my gosh. You have no idea.
They doubled that battery life.
Did you know that?
- They have doubled that battery life.
- What?
- You're sitting on a fortune.
- That thing is gonna be huge.
- I'm so excited.
- Yeah, well, there's a problem.
With the car?
- I'm out of the company.
- What?
Yeah. There was a presentation today
and he revealed
that the name of the car is Howard,
and I had a big problem with that.
And he said, "if you don't like it,
you can sell back your shares," and I did.
- No, you didn't. Please tell me you're joking.
- No. I'm not joking.
Because he named his car Howard?
This is a joke?
You can't name a car Howard.
It's just not a name of a car.
Honey, enough about the name.
Let's get back to the shares, okay?
You have to go back
and get your shares back.
I actually love the name Howard.
I do. I was thinking about
the name last night.
Howard's a solid name. Howard's a good guy.
There's a lot of good Howards.
They're average.
They're an average guy
doing average things.
And this is the campaign.
Solid, dependable, trustworthy,
that's our Howard.
The name that yesterday you had nothing
but disparaging comments about.
I'm really sorry. I am. I'm sorry.
Yeah. Sounds to me like
you're sorry you fucked up,
but not, you know,
not for what's underneath it.
I apologized. That's what's important.
It doesn't matter if you apologize
if it's not sincere.
Apologies don't have to be sincere.
It's just the act of the apology itself.
It's only... All that matters
is if you're acting sincere.
That is literally the only thing
an apology has to be,
is sincere.
Oh, God, Will, I completely...
- Otherwise, it's just words.
- I'm acting sincere.
Of course, I don't believe it.
Here at this company, we
believe in sincerity.
You had the opportunity
to meet my son yesterday,
the one thing in the world
that I happen to care about
more than this company.
What did you do? Do you remember?
You talked about his nanny's hair
and how much it might stink.
Nope. Never said the nanny's hair stunk.
I never said that. I never said it stunk.
You know what you didn't say?
- What?
- "Cute kid."
- I was gonna get to that.
- "What a nice son."
"What a great job you did raising your son
as a single parent."
"What a nice job, seems like a good kid."
You know what, you don't get to that.
You lead with it.
How could you lead with it
if somebody's shampooing once a week?
Janine has your severance package
at the front desk.
Your things have been packed up.
You can tell the delivery company
to take them wherever you need them to be.
I'm sorry it had to be like this.
Are you sorry? Are you really sorry?
- No.
- You see?
You did the exact same thing I did.
You apologized, but you didn't mean it.
Janine has your things.
The delivery guys need an address.
You know, I was an early investor
in this company.
I believe in this car.
I thought we were good friends.
Will, this isn't fair.
It's not fair.
The Howard is the Model T of its day.
It's literally a billion-dollar idea.
Will Haney with the Howard
has built a better mousetrap
and changed American culture forever.
And in the process he,
and those smart enough
to have partnered with him,
have become very, very wealthy.
Thanks for coming in, Nathan.
I know how to get a hold of you.
Yeah. If anything comes up...
Sure. Thank you.
Hey, did you see my Plepler?
Who took my Plepler?
Electron Motors'
stock continued its meteoric rise.
That's good news
for everyone except this man,
Nathan Flomm, who sources say...
- That's you on the TV.
- Hey, that is you.
- Nathan? Nathan?
- No, no, that's not me.
- Huh? What? No.
- Nathan.
- I have your drink.
- Shit, man, you lost
all that money. What happened?
- That is huge.
- Like you never made a mistake.
- Come on. Nate, come back.
- Hey, don't you want your coffee?
So what else is in the news?
Hey, have you guys heard of Nathan Flomm?
Yeah. Of course you have.
Like you never made a mistake.
Like you never made a mistake.
Like you never made a mistake.
"CONAN". You think you had a bad day?
This guy lost a billion dollars.
He lost a billion, but
don't worry about him.
What little money he had left,
he invested in Enron.
Thank you, Rolly.
And I got you a little pickle.
A pickle.
Half sweet, half sour. Just like you.
I don't eat pickles.
You've been working for me nine years.
You should know that, Rolly.
- You drive me crazy.
- I drive you crazy?
- I just wanna eat in peace.
- What do you think you're doing to me?
Here. You don't want the pickle?
- I'll take the pickle. Okay?
- Please.
Yeah, get it out of my sight.
And don't eat it in front of me.
- Oh, my God.
- It makes me sick.
I'm gonna tell you
something, it's fantastic.
I hope you choke on it.
Happy birthday to you.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
No. Oh, dear...
Oh, gee.
- Just for you.
- Oh, gosh.
That was quite awful.
It's your birthday.
I'm really looking forward to getting
wasted with somebody who's turning 90.
- That's gonna be a first for me.
- That's really sweet of you.
What are we gonna do?
We're gonna watch Cocoon?
- Okay. That's good. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Yeah.
- Let's go. Come on.
- Nathan Flomm, marketing.
- What?
- Who's that'?
- Oh, uh... Yeah, a guy.
The old owner must have left it
in the closet or something.
I don't know. What's the plan?
North Oak Tavern?
That's the plan. Beer's on me.
What do you think?
- A Howard?
- Yup.
Half the people on the island drive this.
Why should I be the only
asshole paying for gas.
Let's take my car.
Why would we take your car?
I got a brand-new car.
I wanna drive you in it tonight. Come on.
I'd really rather we take my car.
Come on. Get in. We're going.
I'm gonna show it to you.
Do you see how the doors open up?
I know how they open up, it was my idea.
What do you mean, it was your idea?
Well, I mean, you know,
I had that idea a long time ago.
Well, then you should sue the company.
- Watch this.
- Hi, Frank.
I'm ready, ready for a
nice big meal on you.
- Oh, on me?
- Absolutely.
I said one drink.
I didn't say drinking for the whole night.
What? Are you kidding? It's my birthday.
You have to pay for my... Come on.
My fucking nose!
- I'm so sorry.
- Oh, Rolly...
Who is this guy?
- Look, you know...
- You got me.
I'm really sorry.
Honestly, I just got frightened, I guess.
I saw a face and I lashed out.
You're frightened of a black man.
Just say...
I don't think so.
I don't think I was frightened
of the black man. No.
It could've been any black
person standing there.
It could've been a black old lady
saying, "Hey, surprise."
Are you gonna punch her
in the fucking nose?
- I don't...
- A little kid?
A dwarf, a black dwarf?
Have you ever seen a black dwarf?
Yeah. I would've punched
a white dwarf, too, and a white old lady.
You wouldn't have punched a white dwarf.
No one punches white dwarfs.
They play around.
They pick them up.
You never punch a white dwarf in the face.
- What, I have dwarf racism?
- Of course, there's always dwarf racism.
So you mean the white dwarf
is cuddly and cute...
- White people are afraid of black dwarfs.
- I don't know.
I would find a black dwarf
just as cuddly as the white dwarf.
I think you're way off base there.
You'd pick them up
and punch them in the fucking face.
I'm really sorry, and I
beg your forgiveness.
We're good?
Very nice.
Honestly, you guys are great.
- Happy birthday, Rolly!
- To my boy Rolly.
Okay. All right. Okay.
- Pretty good party.
- Rolly deserves it.
You know a lot of people
come into my diner,
I gotta tell you, that Rolly DaVore
is the nicest guy I know.
Yeah. Happy birthday.
- Thank you.
- Here, it's for you.
Oh, Wendy.
You know, that's one of
the benefits of breaking up,
I didn't have to spend as much this year.
Looks like you didn't spend anything.
I didn't. Yeah, I just was cleaning out
my drawer at home.
How's the job hunt, anything?
Still looking. There's nothing.
I gotta get out of that diner.
I smell like fried clams. I can't take it.
- Well, I'll keep my ears open.
- Thanks, thanks.
Cake, there's gonna be cake, right?
- I guess.
- Okay. Some dancing?
- No.
- Yeah, come on.
You can't sleep
in the same bed with a woman?
No. I mean, I enjoy the sex part,
but the sleeping part I'm not good at.
I need the space in the bed,
and I feel like the air is contaminated
from the breathing.
They're shedding skin cells.
Skin cells?
What are you, a fucking microscope?
I just wanna close my eyes and go to bed.
What else is there to do?
Happy birthday, Rolly.
It's Jennifer.
Are you kidding me?
No, I'm not kidding you.
I lost a lot of weight.
I just can't get over what I'm seeing.
It's me, it's just a lot less of me.
That is incredible.
It is incredible. It
changed my life, Rolly.
Everything good. I got a new job.
I got... I'm engaged to be married.
I'm engaged to be married, yeah.
I'm surprised.
You know, you could have
a lot of suitors now.
Go off and get engaged
to the first guy you meet?
You're in demand.
Did he like you when you were fat?
He never talked to me when I was fat.
Okay, there you go.
See, he's superficial, just like me.
I wouldn't have dated you
when you were fat either.
- I'm sorry to say.
- What a terrible thing to say.
Yeah, I know, it's terrible but it's true.
It's true.
Who is he?
His name is Jaspar.
He's the guy you...
In the face when you walked in.
He's the guy over there.
- Rolly, how are you?
- Hi, Carl.
Did you get that birthday
e-mail I sent you?
Well, you know, Carl,
generally, I gotta tell you,
I don't reply to birthday e-mails.
You know, "Thank you very much."
"So kind of you. Oh, you remembered."
- It turns the birthday into a job.
- Yeah.
The birthday shouldn't be a job.
We should be celebrating a birthday.
We shouldn't be going, "Oh, it's my birthday.
I have to go to work."
- Yeah, you're right.
- You know what I mean?
- Hey, Rolly.
- Hey.
- Hey, Rolly.
- Hey, Wendy.
- Great party.
- Thank you for the shoelaces.
You're very welcome.
She got me shoelaces for my birthday.
Big fucking cocksucker.
Let me ask you somethin'!
What the fuck is that thing
you're building over there?
You wanna have a cup of coffee, sober up?
That was my daddy's place, Mac.
Yeah, well, it's not his now.
"Well, it's not his now."
Not his now 'cause of guys like you.
You're fucking up the whole island.
I was just hired to build
a house, that's all.
- McMansion, Mr. McMansion.
- Come on, we gotta go, brother.
Blue Heron's fucked!
The whole fucking island's fucked!
Please, honey... I'm begging you.
You're a McFucking prick!
Stumpo, come on.
Well, there's my favorite birthday boy.
I had such a great time
at your party last night.
It was a hell of a party.
Well, you deserve it. You're the best guy.
Thank you, Gladys. That's sweet.
All right. Let me know
if you need anything.
There's one little thing
that's kind of been on my mind
- and I've been meaning to tell you about it.
- What?
I noticed that you put
the silverware on the table.
That's where you put silverware.
It doesn't seem quite sanitary to me.
It's clean.
I cleaned it right before you came in.
The last people left, I...
And how did you wash the table, Gladys?
- I have these cloths that are like...
- These rags'?
- See what I mean?
- My rags aren't dirty.
Gladys, rags by their
very nature are dirty.
The rag is a filthy animal.
So what are you saying?
Why not put the silverware on a napkin?
Terrific idea. I'll get back to you, okay?
What the fuck, man?
You're telling Jennifer
she should date other people?
You don't want her dating a black man,
that's what it is, right'?
No, no, no. Of course not.
And I said that to her before
I knew who she was going out with.
You're fucking me all up.
First you punched me and shit.
Now, you're telling fucking Jennifer
that she should date other people.
Who the fuck does that shit,
but a jealous, racist motherfucker?
Oh, no, no, no.
You don't want her dating a black man,
that's what it is.
- It's gotta be.
- No. That's ridiculous.
I don't care who she dates.
You know how hard it is
to find a Cuban woman?
That shit ain't easy, man.
Three or four of them
escape Cuba every fucking day.
That's a low ratio.
They come over here
on fucking rafts and holding on wood
and floating their ass over here.
Sometimes they float on other
fucking Cubans, sometimes.
They gotta use a Cuban to float on.
Leave her the fuck alone, man.
Stay out of my shit.
Something about you.
I haven't put my finger on that shit yet,
but there's something about you, man.
- You're fucking familiar to me.
- You haven't seen me anywhere.
Maybe on TV.
I'll figure this shit out.
It will come to me.
Get the fuck out of here
with that Wagoneer.
That's a white man's fucking car.
Who the fuck rides around with wood
on the side of their fucking car?
Nobody does that shit.
Too much to the right.
Go to the left, Rolly.
Come on, dig in. That's a boy.
I... You know... Who are
you, Captain Bligh?
You can stop shouting out instructions to me.
I know what I'm doing.
Ooh, look at that.
Those must be the people
who bought Blue Heron.
That's a shame.
That used to be a beautiful piece of
property with a beautiful home on it.
It doesn't have the charm that it used to
when the Stumpos owned it.
I don't know what they were thinking of.
Must have enough money...
All right, looking good.
All this stuff is going to the kids' gym.
We'll get it all unpacked and everything...
Oh, hey, uh, ooh, great...
I wanted to tell him,
but I didn't have a chance.
A lot of these boxes in here,
the flat stuff, are mirrors,
so just be extra careful with those.
Obviously, no one wants bad luck.
I'm in your way.
I'm so sorry.
You have a job to do.
I will let you get on with it.
Thank you.
Back up, back up.
Just back up.
- Me?
- Yeah, back...
Right over here, there's a place.
Right over there.
- Are you kidding?
- No, come on.
You have a clearance
right around the bend there.
- I can't back...
- Come on! Of course, you can.
I'm way back there,
you should be backing up.
- Back up.
- Damn it.
- You're supposed to back up.
- Fuck you. Let's just go.
My clearance is, like, 80 yards behind me.
He's got... Just right around
a little bend, it's nothing.
- Right.
- And he won't back up.
I'll tell you this, if
that's happen to me again,
no way I'm backing up.
I don't give a shit who it is.
- Stand your ground.
- That's it.
But it happens all the time.
Last time that happened to me,
I just pulled up,
I wouldn't move, he wouldn't move.
I get out of the car and
I started walking away.
The guy goes, "Where are you going?"
I said, "I'm leaving.
"You happy now, asshole? You win."
And I walked and I left the truck
and I went to Bridget Tobert's house
and I just smoked a joint
and came out an hour later.
Truck's there, he's gone, I win!
You guys ready to play cards or what?
Yeah. What are we playing?
- highest spade in the hole, splits the pot.
- Love it.
Speaking of Chicago,
anyone going to the concert?
- What concert?
- The Chicago concert.
They're coming back to the island.
They haven't been here for 20 years.
Wendy should be happy about that.
What does that mean?
Why should Wendy be happy about it?
Last time they were here,
she blew the lot of them.
Is that supposed to be a joke?
No! They came here 20 years ago,
she went to the concert,
and she ended up blowing the band.
- Allegedly.
- It's a rumor.
- Wendy blew Chicago.
- Wendy the waitress,
who I lived with for three years, that's...
- No, not the whole band.
- How many did she blow?
- What's the difference?
- There's a big difference.
If you blow one guy, okay.
I get it, people blow people. It happens.
But what? We're not talking about
Simon and Garfunkel here.
This is Chicago. That's a big band.
Was it one? How many was it?
I know she blew Robert Lamm
and James Pankow.
No way. Yeah.
Lee Loughnane was in on
that, I will bet on it.
I don't wanna get you upset, but
as a friend, I heard it was three.
But you don't wanna get me upset?
- No, no.
- No.
You don't wanna get me upset,
but you heard it was three.
You're my friend, I don't
wanna get you upset.
No, I really appreciate that!
"Your ex-girlfriend
blew three guys from Chicago."
You're not gonna get me upset.
You're all wrong. It was four.
Fuck you, Dome.
Okay? If anybody was blowing
Chicago that night, it was you.
I wish.
I'm gonna find out about this, by the way.
I'll get you a picture
from when she was in high school
and you show it to the band
and see who remembers her.
- Okay. Yeah.
- They'll remember.
One thing I don't understand,
why do you care?
Everybody seems to know about it
except me and it kind of pisses me off.
If I were you, this whole Chicago thing,
I'd let it go.
We'll see.
Who's this?
- I'll find out.
- Rolly, two to you.
Hey, everybody, this is my friend Will.
I met him at the barge.
I wanted to show him
some island hospitality.
- Will, this is Dottie.
- Hi, Will, how are you? Nice to meet you.
Mike, Rick, Rolly, and that's Frank
- and that's Molgy.
- For all your insurance needs?
Thank you very much.
Hey, I don't wanna kiss your ass,
but I'm the proud new owner of a Howard.
Thank you.
It's been very successful, been very good.
Who do I give money to?
- Oh, you brought your money, good.
- I did indeed.
We love new card players. You're in.
Do we know one another?
I feel like... I feel like we've met.
You thought I was a mover
a couple days ago.
You thought he was a mover?
Him? He's like 9O years old.
No, I did not.
Starving Seniors?
It must've been the shoulders.
I feel terrible. I hope I tipped you.
Hey, Will, is it true you have
an actual bowling alley in there?
- We do.
- Indoor tennis court?
We don't have a tennis court.
Oh, just thought I'd bring that up.
The basketball court can be
multipurpose, so we can work it out.
You guys ready to
play cards here or...
Was there a guy, like, a few years ago...
Is this true or is this myth,
about the guy who was like
your partner or something
when you started the company,
but he got out early and then...
He would've ended up making,
like, a million dollars?
Yes. He was one of our marketing guys
back when we were just a little start-up,
and we were just about ready
to take the car public.
Had he kept
that investment stake in the company,
it would've been worth
somewhere in the area of a billion dollars.
- That's just his?
- Yeah.
What an idiot!
He must regret
every day of his life.
Maybe he's happy.
- That's what I like to think. Maybe he is.
- He's a broke idiot!
Maybe he has his integrity.
- I'd rather have 12 bathrooms.
- That's right.
You don't know what he was thinking.
Maybe he wanted to get
away from the company.
Maybe he was an idiot.
Maybe he doesn't give a fuck about money!
What do you know about this guy?
- I don't know shit about him!
- I know you don't.
Because he's a moron!
I wouldn't be associated
with somebody that stupid.
Come on. Who's in?
Here, you know what? I'm gonna take off.
- Come on, Rolly. Stick around.
- Come on, Rolly.
We'll do it next week.
- All right, Rolly.
- Nice to meet you.
- Okay, see you.
- See you next week, Rolly.
- What's eating him?
- Everything okay?
His ex-girlfriend blew Chicago.
Yo, Rolly.
What's going on?
Come take a walk.
Jesus, I just can't even imagine this.
You never told anyone about any of this?
No, I never told anyone except your father.
He's the only one who knew.
I don't understand how
Haney couldn't recognize you.
I mean, I would recognize you if that...
No, I look completely different.
How different could you look?
I mean, really.
All right. How about that?
Holy shit.
You look like the guy
who kidnapped Elizabeth Smart.
Yeah. That's me.
So, um...
I'm leaving the island.
Yeah. I can't stay with this guy here.
Come on, your whole life is here.
Forget it. The guy's at my poker game now?
I got to hear
about his garish monstrosity of a house
with bowling allies, a gymnasium. Come on.
And I can't stay here
with him, on the island.
I just can't. I can't be here.
I can't be here. I'm leaving.
I wish there was something
I could do that, you know...
There's nothing anybody can do.
- I'll... Yeah.
- We'll be able to hang out?
Hi, it's Wendy. Leave me a message.
Hey, Wendy, it's me again.
So, you know, I spoke to Tibby and I
told her you'd make a fine replacement,
and she wants you to call her tomorrow.
So, you don't have to smell
like clams anymore.
All right, see you.
That's it for us.
Have a great night and stay tuned
for the midnight matinee.
MAN'. I couldn't help it, Howard.
They started making changes
without any reason.
Everybody had authority and nobody.
I tried to fight,
they pushed me from office to office.
Howard, what are you going to do?
You have to leave that up to me now.
- Yo, what's happening?
- I gotta talk to you.
All right. Step into my office.
You're nuts.
This is fucking madness.
You can't blow up someone's home.
It's not allowed on the island.
It's not allowed fucking anywhere.
You wouldn't hold up well in prison.
You think leaving the island
is gonna be any better for me?
Is that supposed to be a good life for me?
I don't know anybody anywhere.
All my friends are here, my whole life is here.
My house is here.
He's already ruined my life once,
and he's gonna ruin it again?
So you're just gonna end up in jail,
and get turned out
by some fucking Aryan dude
and become his boyfriend.
That's a better outcome to you?
Nobody's gonna rape me.
I'm an old, ugly man.
There might be someone
who would rape you.
I think they can do better than that.
Well, there's probably a dude in there
who has a fetish for an old bald guy.
- Old bald fetish...
- It could fucking happen.
I haven't seen any women with one.
Where would you even
have gotten an idea like this?
The Fountainhead. Howard Roark,
he blows up this building
at the end of the movie.
Well, it is a pretty ugly house.
Nobody on the island likes it.
You'd probably be
considered a fucking hero.
Listen, nobody would get hurt,
nobody's gonna be
in the house when this blows up.
I'm just wondering,
how do I do it?
The only guy that I know
that could handle something like this
would be Joe Stumpo.
Joe Stumps.
Get the fuck out of here!
Hey, Stumpo, it's me, Frank.
I don't give a shit, get out of here.
Hey, Joe, can I talk to you for a minute?
What do you want?
I know that your family
owned Blue Heron for a long time.
Three generations.
And I've seen what
this multi-billionaire has done
to your old property and to the island.
He's destroying the island.
I wanna blow it up.
Why do you wanna blow it up?
I want him off the island.
- Is he fucking with me?
- He is not fucking with you.
You think you wanna blow it up?
I've thought about it every fucking day
for 18 months.
Eighteen months. Every time I drive
by the place I think about it.
I see it, I smell it at night.
I can smell the gunpowder. You can't do it.
Access, my friend.
You need access and I don't have it.
What do you mean access?
Access. You gotta get in
or have an inside man.
If I had a guy inside,
if I knew one of the workers,
but those pricks don't even talk to me.
Inside guy, working there, that could work.
Otherwise, get it out of your head.
Let it go.
Let it go. Get the fuck out of here.
Hey... I know McKenzie.
Yeah, that's right.
You're gonna like this, Stumpo.
He owes me a big favor.
- Really?
- I can go talk to him.
Maybe I can get a job there.
Rags! Cocksucker, come out here!
Who's this guy?
- It's a deal.
- There you go.
- Nice job, Frankie.
- Actually, I'm not involved in this deal.
I was just here to introduce you guys.
- Yeah, he's not involved.
- I'm not here.
- When do we start? How about tomorrow?
- Who's this guy?
That's my associate, he works for me.
Fella... Rags!
He's involved in this?
Yeah... Trust me, he's fine.
You'll see him and he'll be all right.
Rags, this is...
- Rolly.
- Rolly. You know Frank.
You guys should know something about me...
Full disclosure.
I, on occasion,
will talk in my sleep.
And I have a girlfriend who, on occasion,
sleeps over.
And she's got a big mouth.
All right. Looking forward to it, man.
Button up, my friend. Button up.
- Hey, McKenzie.
- Hey, Rolly.
Can I have a word?
Yeah, sure, sit down.
Thank you.
What's up?
Well... Here's the situation.
You know I work for Tibby
and lately she's been
sexually harassing me,
putting her hand on my leg, dressing
suggestively, things of that nature.
The point is, I gotta get out of there.
I was hoping maybe I could
get something with you.
You're working on Blue Heron, right?
Nah, I don't think so. No.
I got a bunch of guys I hire from a pool,
guys I worked with before.
You know, I hate to bring
this up, McKenzie.
But I'm sure you'll recall
that a few years ago,
I found your dog, in the woods,
behind my house
and at the risk of my own personal safety,
I brought it back.
I fed it and gave him the
rest of my meatloaf.
And he had a baked potato.
I didn't know dogs ate baked potatoes.
And then we sat down
and we watched an episode of Law & Order.
And I fell asleep with
that poor dog in my arms.
And he must've had some dog dream
because I woke up
and he was twitching and going like that.
And then, I woke up in the morning
and I called you.
You're saying I should give you a job
because you found my dog?
I got Lyme disease from that night.
I never told you about that.
Okay. I'll tell you what...
Only because I do appreciate
you saving Lucky,
- we'll try it out. All right?
- I appreciate it.
I won't let you down. I'll work for you.
I'll do a good job for you.
Monday morning, 8:00. See you then.
Eight o'clock.
Uh, Rolly, what are you doing?
So, um.
I couldn't help but notice
that my suggestion has gone unheeded.
I heard you, and I just decided
that I have pretty good system here.
Well, you saw what I just had to do.
I have to clean it in the water.
Now I need more water.
We're in a vicious cycle here,
of silverware into water,
into more water, on napkins.
The whole thing can be avoided.
It's disappointing.
I gotta get going because I've got
other people I have to take care of.
- You look real good.
- Thank you.
Sorry you had to wait.
It's still hot.
So, who are you having lunch with there?
- Hey.
- I got the job.
- Good going. Yeah!
- Thanks.
- I'm gonna start Monday.
- Wow! That's fantastic.
Thanks for the recommendation.
That was really nice of you.
My pleasure.
I told you I was gonna keep my ears open.
- Good song.
- Awesome song.
- You like this band?
- I love these guys.
- Really? How much do you love them?
- They're amazing.
I have four of the albums.
- Really?
- Yeah.
You go to the concert here 20 years ago?
- I did.
- Yeah.
Me and my cousin Pam went.
And how was it, you had fun?
Oh! It was a great show.
They put on a great show.
- Really?
- Yeah.
And did you, by any chance,
blow them afterwards?
Yeah, let's really
get cracking on this wall, guys.
I wanna see you fitting,
and I wanna see you chipping,
I wanna see you on the machine.
I wanna see some real work
done on that wall today...
So, so sorry. Gentlemen, so sorry I'm late.
Trying to take a shower,
hot water didn't come on.
Waiting, waiting.
You know what I'm talking about?
Feeling, testing, feeling, testing.
The hot water, it takes a year to get hot.
I think you better put this on
while you're out here, okay?
- Okay, you guys, let's go.
- Really? Look at this. Huh?
- Okay, guys, let's get to work.
- Come on, get to work.
Take a walk with me, will you?
Remember Lee J. Cobb, On the Waterfront?
"Get to work! You get to work!"
Never saw it.
Look, I think I got a job for you.
- Yeah.
- It's not easy.
I want you to finish assembling
this swing set, all right?
First thing you gotta do,
dig some holes, put some concrete in there,
then put your four-by-four in there.
- Nothing to it. Add water to that...
- That...
Yeah, yeah.
And then just put it in the hole, okay?
I'll check in on you later.
- No need.
- No, no.
- No need, I'm good. No need.
- No. I'll check back.
Don't come back!
Oh, fuck!
Excuse me. Where's the bathroom?
Mr. Cesspool.
Excuse me. Sorry. Are you the heating guy?
I'm not the heating guy
per se, but I do heat.
So you can look at my system.
- Sure. Yeah.
- Great.
Thank you so much.
I've been having real issues with it...
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Watch the cord here
because I can't seem to get
behind the couch for the outlet.
You got an outlet behind the couch?
They're always behind the furniture.
- Not in my house.
- Really?
In my house, my outlets are eye level.
There's no bending down.
There's no moving furniture.
There's no injuring backs.
Okay. That's a great idea.
I'm gonna talk to McKenzie about that.
- You don't... You don't need to talk to him.
- Yeah, no, I think I should.
- You know what? I'll mention it to him.
- Okay, great.
- Yeah, don't talk to him...
- Okay, please do.
- So listen, this is what happens here.
- Uh-huh.
See that. That's the temperature
it stays at all the time,
- so whether it's cool or whether it's hot.
- Uh-huh.
So it just stays there.
It doesn't matter if it's on 68 or 78,
it just is always that temperature.
And I have no idea why...
There's an asterisk,
I don't know why...
The asterisk, it's a sort of a warning.
It's saying, "We're coming on.
Get ready, we're gonna be warm soon."
Or "We're gonna be cooler," you know.
Can we just fix it?
I'm on it. On it.
- Rhonda!
- Yeah?
- I'm sorry. Hold on.
- Rhonda!
Hey, have you seen my gray jacket, the new
one that I just got with a black liner?
No. But why don't you
put on the seersucker.
I got it for your birthday, it looks so...
I would put the seersucker jacket on,
but my barbershop quartet
license just expired.
Well, you don't need to take
that kind of attitude.
- Rhonda!
- You know I don't like that.
I don't like it either.
I've had it with this whole thing.
- Don't you talk like that...
- We're done!
- Will, open the door.
- No, no!
Will, you've got to stop doing this.
I was coming out of the bathroom
and she asked me if I was the heating guy
and now I'm in the house.
- That's great.
- Well done, newcomer.
Thank you, Stumps.
- I'm proud of you.
- Stumpo's proud of me.
He's never proud of people.
He doesn't dole out compliments.
I don't like anybody.
Go ahead with your story, though.
It's not really a story.
I'm just saying I'm in the house.
- Yeah.
- That's the end of the story.
It's not a story. I didn't
say it was a story.
- It's kind of a story.
- It's a nice story.
Anyway, this is perfect.
She's complained about the heating system.
We'll make it look like a gas explosion.
We already have an alibi.
Hey, by the way,
did you ever hear a rumor about Wendy
blowing Chicago 20 years ago
when they were here?
Oh, yeah, she did.
Yep. That's a fact.
How do you know this?
My sister was there, saw it happen.
She blew them, too.
How is Roberta doing?
- She's doing good.
- That's great.
Yeah. Now, you're gonna need a detonator.
- I have to get the detonator?
- You gotta get a detonator.
- I'm not involved in this.
- Yeah.
I made the introductions,
but I was under the impression
that you guys were taking care
of all that kind of shit.
Well, you're under the wrong impression.
How much is a detonator?
Not much.
What's not much?
I don't know, just not a lot of money.
What's not a lot of money?
I don't know. What do you think?
What's a detonator gonna run?
- Not much.
- Yeah.
Okay. So you guys don't know
what a detonator costs, do you?
- No, no...
- You have no idea.
- We know what a detonator costs.
- You have no idea...
We've been around detonators,
trust us, we know.
We know exactly how much it costs,
it costs nothing.
It's not very important.
You're fixated on this.
Don't worry, it's nothing.
Where is he supposed to get a detonator?
I know a guy.
That Haney's such a jerk.
You should see how he treats his wife.
Does he ever see you around the house?
Yeah. Yeah. He thinks I'm the heating guy.
He doesn't have any idea who you are?
- Is this him?
- There he is.
My God, he's got a Howard?
Oh, he went with the orange one.
Should I get out?
I'm Rolly.
I'm Tibor.
Nice to meet you.
You want detonator?
What's that accent?
I'm from Chechnya.
- Ah, Chechnya.
- You have been to Chechnya?
Tibor, I haven't been to Chechnya,
and may I be perfectly honest,
I mean no disrespect,
I never had any desire to go.
- You bring money?
- How much is a detonator?
Really? $1,000 seems a tad pricey.
You have bought detonator before?
- No.
- So how do you know price of detonator?
It's like if you go on The Price ls Right
and they bring out a television.
You have to guess what this thing cost.
Some people are off by
thousands of dollars.
You guess 1,000 and it's 6,000.
If I'm on The Price is Right,
and they bring out the detonator,
I'm saying $600,
- $500...
- Shut the fuck up!
All right. Okay.
You know, when you get older,
it's not so easy
to go through the bills anymore.
That's why you see old people,
you know, they always go like this.
I'm starting to go like this now.
This all the time, you know, like Fagin.
I'm doing this.
There you go.
This is detonator.
- Okay, this is it, huh?
- Good luck.
Hi, Tibor.
- Oh, shit.
- What the fuck?
What the fuck? What the fuck?
You waved me to go and then you hit me.
No. No, I didn't wave you to go.
I waved goodbye.
That's goodbye.
It was not goodbye. It was not this.
It was like this, like go. You said go.
- No, I didn't say go.
- I went and you hit me.
No, Tibor, I did not say go!
I said goodbye.
Go, if I said go, I would
have gone go, go, go.
This is goodbye.
How do you misinterpret that?
Why would you wave goodbye to me?
I don't fucking know you.
What do you mean
why would I wave goodbye?
It's polite. We had an
encounter, we talked.
I will get estimate, okay, for Howard.
I will find you and you will pay.
Hey, Rolly.
Hey. You wanted to see me?
It was a little chilly last night,
and I just wanted to know how it's going.
Well, first of all, I'm really sorry about
that, but I gotta tell you something.
I'm working overtime on this thing.
I'm sure.
The problem is the, um,
ecto-plexmatic tubes
are not connected properly.
You know what?
Come with me, because it's...
I left my hammer in the gym,
and I'll explain the whole thing to you.
But you've got a hammer on your belt.
No, my lucky hammer.
Can I ask you a question?
Do you know anything
about this fair on Saturday?
Oh! Are you kidding?
- The fair, of course.
- Yeah?
They have it once a year,
and everybody on the island goes.
It's fun. You know, there's rides
and there's a dunking booth,
you ever see one of those'?
I love the dunking booth.
The dunking booth,
and they got, like, Best Pig.
- Okay.
- And Best Danish.
Oh, God, it feels so good to laugh.
You know what?
My husband's leaving this weekend.
I think that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna go to the fair on Saturday.
I'm gonna do it.
You know what, you're a
real Vineyarder now.
- Mrs. Haney?
- Uh-huh?
There's a package here
you need to sign for.
Okay, great.
- See ya.
- Bye, Rolly.
- Hey, Stumpo.
- Hey.
Okay, get this.
Haney is gonna be out of town this weekend.
His wife is gonna be
at the fair all day Saturday.
The house is gonna be empty.
You can do your recon,
take pictures, scope it out.
Beautiful. Okay, we'll case
the place on Saturday then.
Okay, see you.
- I'm gonna follow her from the gate...
- Right.
Over to the fair.
If I see that she's heading back,
I'm gonna text you.
That should give you
plenty of time to get out.
All right.
Boy, I gotta pee.
See, they should have pee flaps in cars.
Pee flaps. A little flap,
a cylindrical tube.
You pee right into the tube.
Wouldn't that be a great idea?
- Where does it go?
- Yeah, where would it go?
- Can't just let it out.
- Yeah. The same set-up as an airplane.
I don't think you thought this through.
I'm just gonna be honest.
There'll be piss all over the roads.
Just use a bottle like everybody else.
No. That one astronaut tried
to kill that other astronaut
- and she drove cross-country in a diaper.
- Oh, yeah.
That's a good idea, a car diaper.
You do a car diaper,
that makes more sense than a pee flap.
A car diaper? That's the worst idea ever.
You sell them at gas stations...
Hey, hey, hey. There she is.
Get out, get out, get out.
Ru text you.
Well, well, well. What a surprise, Rolly.
Hey. Fancy meeting you here.
- Meeting you, yeah.
- Yeah.
You know that swing set
I asked you to put together?
- Yeah.
- It collapsed.
I know. I know all about that.
Yeah. Did you know there
were a lot of kids on it?
Did you know two of them
are in the hospital right now?
I followed all the instructions.
You're fired.
- What?
- That's right, you're fired.
Turn in your helmet.
If anybody is getting fired,
McKenzie, it's gonna be you.
Rolly here has fixed my exo-plasmatic tube
and done wonders on your shoddy work.
"Ecto" what? I'm sorry...
The flagellator...
We can't even find the flagellator.
- The "flaga" what?
- And the exo-plagmatic tube.
The heat has not been working
since I arrived in this house, McKenzie.
I will take care of it.
If you're gonna fire anybody,
you're gonna come to me first
and you're gonna ask me.
- I'll take care of everything.
- Well, you better get on it.
- That's why I hired you.
- Nice to see you, Mrs. Haney.
Yeah, nice to see you too.
- Enjoy the fair.
- I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry about that, Rolly.
Blaming me for the swings?
Those poor kids. I felt so horrible.
I feel so much guilt about that.
I'm gonna visit those kids
in the hospital tomorrow.
- You are?
- I am.
- That's so sweet.
- Yeah.
By the way, this is very fortuitous...
This is.
I must say, bumping into you like this.
We should take in the fair together.
- Let's do it.
- Oh, great.
Hey! Look at that!
- Right for the one I aimed...
- That was unbelievable!
What's over there?
That's all you got?
Come on. You can throw
better than that one.
Come on!
Hey, Mrs. Lee, I want my nails done.
Oh, look who's here. I wanna talk...
Oh, it's disgusting.
No, I'm literally gonna throw up.
How could you drag me here?
- Let's get out of here.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Here's the itinerary, okay?
Ferris wheel next,
then we go right to the big tent.
Oh, that's cute.
- Yeah...
- Who's Bartholomew Gosnold?
He's the founder of the Vineyard,
and Martha is his grandmother,
maybe his daughter.
I don't know.
- Martha's Vineyard.
- Yes, yes.
Ah! Of course.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Let's do it. Let's be Pilgrims.
- Pilgrims?
- Yes.
- Really looking forward...
- I got it. I'm gonna get it.
- Come on.
- Let me get it.
- No!
- I'm doing it.
Yeah, look at you over there.
Taking pictures.
Must be nice, huh?
Come around here,
pretend to be
somebody else, huh'?
You just jump in another
motherfucker's body, huh?
Oh, look at this on my phone!
Motherfucker named Nathan.
I knew your ass looked familiar to me.
- How you doing, Nathan?
- Shh! Quiet.
No, you be quiet.
You know what Jennifer told me now?
That she wants her space.
You put that shit in her head.
"Space" means
"I wanna be with somebody different."
No, no. She's saying she wants her space.
It's like space.
You're alone in space,
- the planets aren't near each other.
- Oh, okay.
It's the black void
of being alone in a black void.
So no one wants to be near a black void?
- I'm a black-ass void now?
- No, you're not a black void.
You're talking about me.
I'm the blackest motherfucker here.
- You're not a black void!
- Man, I'm about to smash
the rest of that fucking hair
out your goddamn head.
I can read between the lines and shit.
Oh, no. That's crazy.
You fuck my life up,
I will fuck your life up, Nathan.
Tit for tat.
Tit for tat? There's no tat.
There was no tit.
If I see Jennifer with another man,
going fucking crabbing,
antiquing, getting pushed on a swing,
this whole charade
you're doing right now, it's over.
I'm telling everybody, Nathan.
Okay. Oh, that's funny.
That's a funny story.
- Hi, Rolly.
- What a funny story.
- This is my friend, Rolly.
- See you later. Take care.
Okay. You're gonna friend me, okay.
Get lost.
Don't forget. I'm gonna
facebook you for sure.
Okay. Take care. What's going on here?
- Oh, having fun.
- You're having fun?
Meeting people, thanks to you.
What about Jaspar?
I don't wanna have just one man.
It's the time to have fun for me.
Thanks to what you told me,
you made, like, a light go off in my head.
- Okay. It was a stupid thing to say.
- Oh, my God.
Jaspar's nice for somebody else.
I wanna, you know,
I wanna see what's outside.
I got some news for you, baby. Okay?
You're gonna gain the weight back.
Then there's not gonna be any Jaspar,
then you're gonna be alone.
You're gonna gain the weight back.
What is that... Why do you gotta say that?
What do you mean?
You're going to, that's what happens.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
- It wants to fill up...
- It wants to pour the vacuum?
Doesn't a vacuum suck something up,
like when you vacuum?
You're gonna get fat again.
Well, you know what? I
changed my lifestyle,
I'm not gonna gain the weight back. Okay?
You wanna make a little bet?
- I'll make a big bet.
- Yeah, how much?
- Let's make a big one.
- A big one, 50 bucks.
- Fantastic. That's it?
- Yeah, that's it.
- I'll do more.
- Fifty bucks.
Just do me one favor.
Before you start dating other men,
will you just think about it'?
Give it a little time.
You claim to want your space.
Well, now give it some time.
Time and space, they work together.
They're partners.
How much time do I need to?
A long time.
- A long time?
- Yes.
Take my time. Be by myself.
- Yeah.
- I'll think about it.
- Okay. Come on.
- Let me give you a call.
- You deserve a free coffee.
- Give me a hug. Okay.
- Okay. This is fantastic.
- Okay.
You're gonna think about it.
What kind of coffee you want?
- A vanilla latte.
- I'll make it myself.
Vanilla latte!
What are you doing here?
I have estimate for you.
What is this? Have you been following me?
This is not important to you.
What is important to you is
I am here and I have estimate for you.
How much is the estimate?
Really? $1,300?
- This is what it costs.
- Where'd you get this estimate?
I got it from Vlad's Body Shop.
- Vlad is a Chechen.
- What's the problem?
You're in Chechen cahoots.
- No, it's Chechen coincidence.
- Oh, that's a coincidence?
- I want to ask you something.
- Yeah.
You have problem with Chechen people?
Me? Are you kidding?
I adore the Chechen people.
You're one of my top five ethnic groups.
- Really? Listen to me.
- Yeah.
I don't have time to fucking talk
with you all day.
No, of course not.
You pay the money
or you have big fucking problem.
One vanilla latte.
Hey, thank you.
- It's on the house.
- You're sweet. Thank you.
Enjoy the fair, Rolly.
So what is this Cuban coffee?
Oh, look at this.
It's funny, isn't it?
What a great picture.
So I'm gonna head home.
What? No. You can't do that.
- Really?
- May I ask a question?
Sure, Rolly.
When was the last time
you were on a Ferris wheel?
- Really?
- Yes. Here.
- All right. All right.
- Come on.
Ferris wheel and there's
piglets to see, too.
- There are piglets?
- There's little piglets.
Let's do it.
Give me a measurement,
right here, of the duct.
Here, hold on. It's from Rolly.
"I can't hold her much longer!"
All right. Come on. Let's hustle it up.
Yes! Huh?
Huh? What did I tell you?
- That was so much fun.
- That was excellent.
I haven't done that in so long.
What? Because of the silverware?
- No. That is not...
- But it's neon, it's cute.
It's not you.
You know what you're lighting up?
"I'm an asshole."
White's a good color. I like white.
A little fur with those little tie things.
I don't know...
Hey, you know what? Let's get outta here.
Wait, wait. I wanna get a hat.
- I don't think so.
- No? Nothing?
- No.
- Okay. Well...
I'm not a hat person?
He doesn't like me in hats.
Well, if she really wanted to buy it,
she would have bought it.
She's blaming it on me.
I had nothing to do with this.
You know, except for the rides
and the food, it was actually pretty good.
- I can't believe the junk you ate.
- Made me so happy.
It's unbelievable.
How are my teeth?
I think you're okay.
Let me see your teeth, let me see.
- Hmm. You're good.
- Yeah?
You have a... Hold on... A little smudge.
All right.
This was the best day, excellent.
So, good night. I'll see you at the house.
New plan.
Instead of blowing up the house,
I'm gonna steal Haney's wife,
marry her and take half his money.
- You gotta be...
- Oh, fuck that. What!
- Is this a joke?
- It's not a joke. No.
- It's not a joke? It's stupid.
- No.
You think she's gonna leave
her young, handsome,
- billionaire husband...
- Oh, yes.
For a broke, bald old dude?
I know when I have a connection
with somebody, okay?
This woman likes me.
Oh, it's there. It's there.
I love you so much.
I have to tell you something.
I spoke to the doctor,
and I've decided to stop the treatments.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
No! No!
I took her to the fair yesterday.
She asked me for a tooth check.
A tooth check, come on.
- It means nothing.
- Who the fuck cares? That means nothing.
Rags will give me a tooth check.
All the time.
- Right...
- You guys do tooth checks?
- Sure.
- Constantly.
I might have kale in there or something.
She wiped some smudge off my cheek
when I said goodbye to her.
It was probably annoying her.
Yeah. She's like, "Get
that shit off your face."
What about our plan? What about me?
Where does that leave me?
Where does that leave the fellas?
That's a very legitimate question, Stumpo.
Once I marry her and get half her money,
it's gonna leave you
with a million fucking dollars
for each of you!
And after I move in,
we invite everybody on the island
to come watch us blow up the house.
- We blow up the house?
- We blow up the house!
And it's all legal. I own it.
How's my plan now?
You're so brave.
I just hope the house is ready in time
for the first busload of kids
that are going through.
- This is for them.
- Yeah.
They should have a beautiful place to come
with their family to fight off this
terrible disease.
I love you so much.
I love you.
Good morning.
- Rolly.
- Hey, Rhonda!
Good morning, Ray.
- How you doing?
- Good morning.
Got a little surprise for you.
They call it vanilla latte.
You're the best.
I observed you the other day,
I saw what you ordered.
I took a little note, you know.
And you in the seersucker.
- What do you think?
- Wow.
I mean, it takes a lot to pull that off.
What? Are you kidding?
I was raised on seersucker.
Got bar mitzvahed in seersucker.
I got a closet full of these.
- Well...
- It's all I wear.
- You wanna come inside?
- Love to.
- Hey, asshole.
- What?
What the hell are you looking at?
- Get the fuck over here.
- Yes, sir.
Throw those bags in... God damn it!
You know what? That lid, that
sippy lid with the hole in it.
- Yeah?
- I invented that.
Really? You know what else you invented?
- Oh, my God.
- They look so great. I really love them.
I hope it really catches on.
I gotta tell you something.
Because I would love to be remembered
as the guy who invented
the eye-level outlet.
What a legacy that would be.
Yeah. It would be amazing.
And then you could get into
designing the plates...
You have coffee. You need coffee?
Oh, no thanks.
Yeah. Rolly got me a vanilla latte.
She likes lattes.
Look at the jacket.
- Yeah, it's seersucker.
- Yeah. Sharp.
I never could get my
head around seersucker.
Really? It's a nice look.
Hey, guys. Look at the skiers.
Oh, wow. Look at that. What a day.
Let's go water-skiing.
We gotta take out the new boat.
I know, but I cannot do it. It's a...
Hey, you know what?
I'm happy to take you water-skiing.
You want me to...
My friend Frank can drive the boat.
Take it out. It's there to be enjoyed.
- I love it.
- Sure.
- You should enjoy it.
- Yeah.
- Those guys are good.
- She wants to go. That's fine.
- I'd love it. Let's do it.
- No, it looks great.
- Dad. What's going on?
- Hey, there he is. How are you?
- Howard, this is Rolly.
- Rolly.
He's helping us out around
the house a little bit.
- Hello, Howard.
- Run upstairs, grab a shower,
- we'll go get something to eat.
- All right. Sounds good.
- Okay. See you, bud.
- All right. Hey, Rolly.
- Yeah?
- It's good to meet you.
Yeah. Nice to meet you, Howard.
- See you, bud.
- See you.
Oh, my God. What a kid.
Man, oh, man. What charisma.
He lights up a room, this kid.
- He does.
- He lights it up.
- Can I say something crazy?
- Yeah.
I think this kid could be president.
I'm not kidding. He's got that aura.
Or at least a senator.
- The girls are all over him.
- A councilman, a city council.
- A councilman?
- That kid could be in the city council.
You're very sweet, thank you so much.
At the very least a dentist.
I fucking doubted you,
but you were right.
She fucking loves you.
- Did I tell you?
- You told me.
- Was I right?
- You were right.
- Am I crazy?
- You're not crazy.
And how dumb is the fucking husband?
- Oh, my God.
- Moron!
- He let you take her water-skiing?
- Water-skiing, take her!
I wonder where we should live?
I know I made fun of the bowling alley.
To tell you the truth,
between you and me, I love to bowl.
- We'll get a league going.
- Let's start a league.
- We'll start a league in the house.
- We'll bowl in the house.
I wonder if she'll let
me date other people.
Oh, my God. You were incredible.
- That was pretty impressive.
- Oh, thanks.
- That was awesome.
- Oh, boy.
- Congratulations.
- Whoo hoo!
- That felt so good.
- Here you go.
All right. I've been hogging all the time.
It's your turn, Rolly.
You wanted to get out there.
- Yeah. I know, but...
- Here's the wetsuit.
I've checked every
database available to me.
I've checked with my friends
around the country in law enforcement.
I even checked morgues and hospitals.
This guy, Nathan Flomm, it's like he's
fallen off the face of the Earth.
I need to find this man
and repay him what I owe him.
He's gotta be out there somewhere.
- Stop!
- I don't understand.
Stop the boat. Stop!
I've been looking for him for 10 years.
- What are you doing?
- I need to right this wrong.
We must find him.
- I'm drowning!
- We must.
Throw the fucking thing! Throw it!
I told you I would find you.
Well, what a pleasant surprise.
Look at this, it's Tibor.
Where is the money for the car?
I don't quite have it on me, but I'm...
- You don't have it on you, eh?
- I will definitely...
I will tell you something now, okay?
If you don't give me this money...
I will have to take something from you.
- Yeah.
- Okay?
I will take something
from you very, very important.
You will take something important, okay.
Perhaps I will take a ball.
Okay. You'll take a ball.
Yes, a ball.
I see. Very nice of you not to take two.
You could be taking two.
This is a testament to
your character, Tibor.
You could be taking two balls,
you're only taking one.
I think that's very nice.
I want for you now to stop all talking.
- Okay.
- And to give me the fucking money, okay?
I promise you, I'll be giving
you that money within two days.
That's a Scout's honor promise.
Oh, no.
"Hey, " fiber.
Can I talk to you for one second?
You and Jennifer, huh?
What is it to you?
Well, I was just curious. You're dating?
She's nice girl.
Lovely, lovely girl.
But there's something I need to tell you.
What do you need to tell me?
She blew Chicago.
The city?
The band.
25 Or 6 To 4 Chicago?
- Yes. Yes.
- How do you know this?
It's common knowledge.
Everybody on the island knows this.
She blew Chicago?
It's not such a big deal.
You blow people.
People blow people, it happens.
Eh... It's not so bad.
- Good song.
- Awesome song.
- You like this band?
- I love these guys.
You love them, huh?
How much do you love them?
I have, like,
four of their albums.
Tell me. You go to concert
here maybe 20 years ago?
- I had a blast.
- Oh, you had a blast, huh?
Let me ask you one more question.
Did you perhaps go backstage after show?
What the fuck?
- Hey.
- Hi.
- Look at this.
- So funny.
How about that, huh?
That's funny.
All right.
No, no. You back up
because you've got...
Your clearance is much closer.
Your clearance isn't far back.
It's right around the corner.
Your clearance is right around the corner.
My clearance is a little bit
further than around the corner.
- Rhonda...
- It just is.
I know where the clearances are.
Rolly, I've been driving
this road every day.
Rhonda, I've been here 10 years.
I know every clearance on the island.
You need to back up. Why should I back up?
You got a little tiny car.
I'm sorry. I can't even believe
we're having this conversation!
I don't believe it either!
Your clearance is right behind you.
You want to bet some money on that?
Yeah, I wanna bet a lot of money
on that!
And you have the money to put on it!
- Move your car. Rolly!
- What?
- Back up your car.
- No, back up your car.
Oh, my God. Are you out of your mind?
- I'm out of my mind'? What?
- Are you kidding me?
It's not that hard!
- It's not that hard to do!
- You don't know about Vineyard etiquette.
Vineyard etiquette dictates
that the person closest to the clearance...
- Vineyard etiquette?
- ...moves back.
- No, you back up your car.
- What, you have a Howard,
you're entitled to do
anything you want, is that it?
I didn't say that my Howard entitled me
to not move backwards.
- Back up your car.
- No, you back up your car.
- No, you back up.
- No, you back up.
Are you crazy?
Are you out of your fucking mind?
No good?
Crazy old man!
I love my husband. "No good," Rolly.
I thought there was a little...
Yeah. Get in your car and back the fuck up!
Back up!
The smudge... You gave me a smudge thing.
A smudge?
Yeah. A tooth check.
- Get in your car!
- I'll get in the car.
- A smudge?
- Sorry.
What are you, in fucking middle school?
A misunderstanding.
I don't know what I was thinking.
I don't know.
No, you placed too much emphasis
on a tooth check,
I can tell you that right now.
Tooth checks don't mean
what they used to mean, you know.
So what now, what do we do now?
Back to Plan A.
This is exactly what we should
have done in the first place.
Now we're right back, full circle, it's on.
Am I right? Come on.
Let's go blow that fucking house up.
Am I right?
Good news. Hot dog! What's the plan?
Well, next week's the Chicago concert.
I know the Haneys are going,
nobody's gonna be home.
All right.
The day of the Chicago concert, that's it.
This is great. This is great.
- Do me a favor, will you?
- Sure.
There's a painting of mine in that house.
- Okay.
- It's a Plepler.
He stole it from me.
It's a painting of a shopping cart.
- It's a painting of a shopping cart...
- Shopping cart.
Is a Plepler a type of shopping cart
or is that who painted it?
What is the matter with you?
We're in. The day of the Chicago concert,
all hands in.
Hands in.
I'm not involved, I'm just a liaison.
Come on, fellas. Put our hands in.
Go on in there.
Put your hand in there. Nice work.
I'm gonna fix that
bald-headed motherfucker.
Wait until you hear this bullshit.
Hey, you better hold on to these.
I plan on getting fucked up.
All right. I'm gonna meet you
in the lobby in a few minutes.
- I gotta do something.
- Whoo! Fucking Chicago!
- Do you have a pass?
- No.
I can't let you in without a pass, my man.
I'm gonna level with you, okay?
- Okay, level with me.
- Here's what happened.
My ex-girlfriend,
who I lived with for three years,
I found out now that it's
possible that she had
some kind of oral activity
with them 20 years ago
after they played here.
So it's kind of... It's bugging me
and I need... I just want
to find out if it's true.
I understand you might wanna know,
but I just can't let you back here
without a pass.
Okay. Yeah, you did a good job.
- You're doing your job.
- That's what it is.
Where do they want us for this photo shoot?
Excuse me...
I'm not a nut.
I just have one quick question.
- I'm sorry. One question.
- Yeah. Sure.
When you guys were here 20 years ago,
do you remember getting blown
by a woman named Wendy?
- You're serious?
- Sorry to be so blunt.
Twenty years ago?
And this is what she looked like.
- That's a long time.
- Yeah. I do remember her.
- I don't know.
- You do'? Really?
- Yes.
- I don't know.
Yeah, that was me. Yes. I remember her.
She was a lot of fun, wasn't she?
- Yeah, she was.
- I think that was you.
- You and you?
- Yeah.
- Two?
- Definitely. Yeah.
I was with another chick.
Roberta Stumpo?
- Yeah.
- Roberta Stumpo.
Thanks for clearing that up. Appreciate it.
- Whatever.
- Roberta Stumpo...
Can't believe how good that show was.
Hey, that's Nathan Flomm!
That's the guy that lost a billion dollars.
That's him.
Hey, Rolly, what's the deal?
Are all these rumors true?
Are you Nathan Flomm? Just be honest.
- Everybody knows.
- Yeah. I know. Jaspar.
- I think I'm gonna go home.
- Go home?
I can't stay here, this is horrible.
No, it's...
It's embarrassing. I don't wanna be here.
Who cares if it's embarrassing?
This is your alibi, remember?
How dare you, Nathan Flomm,
come to the Chicago concert!
That's good.
How dare you!
Get the fuck out of here, Nathan Flomm!
- That's him, Flomm.
- Jerk.
That billion-dollar guy?
I would like to speak with please,
Mr. Robert Lamm
or members of Chicago band.
Do you have a pass?
I have problem.
My friend, they say she has had
oral intimacies with the... With the band.
And I want to know for me is this true.
Is her name Wendy?
- No.
- Roberta?
No. Her name is Jennifer.
Jennifer? All right. I'll be right back.
You got a tissue?
Why would I carry a tissue around?
Why wouldn't you have a tissue?
It's not inconceivable.
I would leave my house
and take tissues before I leave,
just put them in my pocket?
I take tissues sometimes.
"Rolly," my ass.
You let me read about
that in the newspaper?
Big whoop,
I blew the lead singer from Chicago.
That's not nearly half
as bad as what you did.
First of all, it wasn't
one guy from Chicago.
I spoke to them, I went backstage.
You blew two Chicago-ans! Two!
You know what's worse?
Blowing an impostor.
That's worse.
Tibby, what are you doing
at the Chicago concert?
I can't believe it's you!
It's really you! Honey, Rolly...
Rolly is Nathan.
You should have seen this guy 10 years ago,
with the beard and the hair.
- My God. It was... it was crazy.
- Yeah, it was like a lion's mane.
I mean, one of the best
marketing guys in the world.
What are you doing? Why didn't you...
Why didn't you tell me you were you?
Things ended so badly between us,
and I needed the work...
The work?
You must've seen the painting, in my house?
- Yeah, I did.
- The shopping cart.
Yes. I wondered what it was doing there.
I kept it all these years,
three houses, remember?
And I kept it to remind me
that I did not treat you right.
I've been looking for you for 10 years
to try to repay you
your share of this company,
from the beginning, your original stake,
your 10% share.
I'm prepared to make that good.
Are you kidding me?
You're gonna do that for me?
- You're doing that?
- I need to.
Your hands shaking?
Did you have a drink today?
No, I didn't. I thought
I'd try something new.
Today of all days, you didn't have a drink?
Nope, I didn't have a drink.
I got myself a smoothie.
- Come on, Stumpo!
- Yeah, this is Joe Stumpo.
If it's business related, leave a message.
Pick up, Stumpo!
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome, to Martha's Vineyard,
Pick up!
Come on, Stumps.
There's a car coming!
A car coming. Stop! Stop!
Please, please, stop! Help us, please!
Oh. Rolly?
Thank... It's Rolly, Joyce.
It's all right, Joyce. It's all right.
Rolly, thank God!
We had a horrible accident.
You have to take us to the hospital.
Rolly, I think I broke my arm.
Rolly, help me get her into the car.
You know what? It's not a good time.
- I'm sorry.
- What?
I absolutely... I have to get going.
I'm sorry.
You're not gonna help us?
I thought you were nice.
- I am nice!
- You're gonna leave us here?
What can I do? I have to go!
You rude prick! I sent
you a birthday e-mail
and you never even answered it.
No. No, I don't respond
to birthday e-mails.
I never have. It's just that I get so many.
You are such an asshole. You are not nice!
No. I'm nice. I'm very nice.
I'm a living doll.
- You're not nice.
- I'm nice. I'm nice.
- You're a dirty bastard.
- I'm really nice. I'm sorry.
- You're a fucking asshole.
- I hope your dick falls off!
- You're a motherfucking asshole!
- I'm nice. I'm sorry!
What's that? Beeping? What's beeping?
No, no, no, no, no!
Damn it! No!
Goodbye, Frank.
Howard! You fuck!
You piece of shit!
Stop it!
Call it off!
- I changed my mind!
- Get back! Get back!
- I changed my mind!
- Get back!
Yeah! Come on! We're gonna get out of here.
Hey. We got you your painting.
This is a car! I said a shopping cart!
- You said car.
- I said cart!
This is a car!
We gotta go. We'll take you in the car!
Come on! Come on!
Come on! Where are you going?
Are you excited?
You ready to get back into things?
Back into what?
Future's wide-open now.
Really? What am I gonna do?
I don't know. Maybe you could
become a wizard, find the Hobbits
and help them destroy the Ring.
You don't like my look?
If you do decide to change your name again,
Gandalf could be a good way to go.
- How's Wendy doing?
- She's actually doing pretty good.
You know, when Tibby passed,
she left her everything she had.
And it turns out the old
broad had millions.
Beautiful out here.
How you doing?
- No.
- Oh, my God.
Holy Christ.
What are you gonna do?
Yeah. What are you gonna do?
- The whole scandal. My God.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Everybody knew about it.
And you went to jail.
- Oh, my God.
- Jail. Yeah.
You survived.
You look good. Did you got raped?
- No. No.
- No. Oh, good.
- Who's gonna rape me?
- Oh, my God. Good. Thank God.
- I raped a few people there.
- No. No. No. You're kidding.
No. Please say you're kidding.
- Yes. I'm kidding.
- Thank God. Oh, my God.
But, hey, I'm really happy to see you. Wow.
And I'm happy to see you.
But, it's a different you, isn't it?
No. It's the same me.
You owe me 50 bucks.
No, no, no, no, no. I'm so sorry.
Oh, you certainly do.
- No. I think it was a miscommunication.
- I don't think so.
- I think it was a miscommunication...
- I know it wasn't.
But I tell you what,
you can take me out to dinner.
Like as a way to pay you back?
Like a date?
Like a date.
Fantastic. When?
- Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow.
On one condition.
You take a shave.
- You got a deal.
- Got a deal?
For you.
I can't wait.
Me either.
Is your cousin Stinky
still working on cars?
- Nah, he sucks.
- Oh, man.
All right.
Come on, let's play some cards.
- Wow!
- All right.
- This is awesome, man.
- Good to see you, brother.
- Good to see you.
- Pull up a chair.
Oh, look. I got my old spot back.
You got all cleaned up.
I was prepping these dudes
for the homeless wizard look.
Yeah. I got a little shave and a haircut.
I didn't want to scare anybody, you know.
Hey, what do we call you?
Rolly? Nathan? What...
- Rolly it is.
- Yeah. Rolly.
- Welcome home.
- Thank you very much.
So, Rolly, am I the first woman you've seen
since you've been out?
Dottie, you're the first.
You and me, come on, let's go. Let's do it.
You're the first, Dome.
What's the game?
Five-card draw.
I think that's your favorite, isn't it?
Same shit-game that he always plays,
nothing's changed.
Ante up, you guys.
Well, whether you know it or not, Rolly,
you have become a bit
of a hero in these parts.
A lot of people were happy to see
that monstrosity of a house hit the dust.
- Local hero.
- You're the guy.
Ballsy move.
Your three years in prison
was worth getting rid of that house.
- Absolutely.
- Hey, what happened to Money Bags?
They got him on some treatment.
He's in remission.
- They went back to California.
- No kidding?
Are they ever coming back to the island?
I don't think they should,
knowing that Rolly's back in town.
- Oh, yeah. What am I thinking?
- That wouldn't be the smartest thing for them.
All right, ante in.
My only regret, Rolly, is that you missed
the Chicago concert that night.
My God! Best show I've ever seen.
The entire island was there.
- They were great.
- Yeah. All three encores.
Everybody had a great time,
especially the band.
Why is that?
Jennifer blew them in the parking lot.
- I forgot about that.
- Jennifer? The whole band?
- Lee Loughnane, for sure.
- Definitely Jimmy Pankow.
No. No. Not Pankow.
It was Loughnane and Robert Lamm.
No. It was all three.