Coach (2010) Movie Script
[ Horns Honking ]
[ Car Alarm Blaring ]
[ Shouting ]
[ Man ]
- [ No Audible Dialogue ]
[ Chattering ]
Hey, I play offense!
Why didn't you
give me the ball?
I'm open.
All right, guys.
Good night.
[ Chattering, Laughing ]
Hey!
What are you doing here?
I had a game.
We thought that you'd be
home with Zoe.
And why would I be home
on a Thursday night?
Because she's
your girlfriend.
Good point.
But then who would be here
looking after you guys, huh?
Aww.
Aww.
Come on, guys.
This is tragic. Who wants?
I do.
You trying to work
right now?
I have a newborn at home.
This is the most peace and quiet
I've had in months.
We gotta get outta here.
There's this guy at the bar
that keeps staring at me,
and if we don't go,
I'm gonna have to sleep
with him.
Let's go.
What is wrong with everybody?
See ya.
[ Man ]
I have to lecture tomorrow.
So I'm really digging
this celibacy thing.
It's very grounding.
How long has it been?
Three weeks. Really.
I'm getting in touch.
I may never have sex again.
I may never want...
Stella.
to have sex... ever again.
What? What?
Shut up.
Well, whatever.
It's easy for you.
You've got Zoe.
But, you know,
the rest of us have to--
[ Sighing ]
I don't know.
Yeah.
That good, huh?
She keeps asking
about my plans.
What are your plans?
Oh, we're gonna get
something to eat, right?
Ha.
[ Laughs ]
Come on. You know me.
I have plans.
Of course I do.
Okay.
How could I not
have plans?
[ Clock Ticking ]
[ Door Opens ]
I got the show.
[ Laughing ]
That's amazing.
- I'm so sorry.
We have to celebrate.
- Flying to L.A. in the morning.
And when I'm there
I think we should
take a little break.
Really?
I've been thinking a lot
about us,
and I really need to focus
on me right now.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Look, look--
I'm sorry I didn't call, right?
But I was playing soccer.
I was out, and-and--
But I'm totally happy for you.
You should really think
about growing up, Nick.
Excuse me?
You were too busy
playing soccer
and going out?
You have some issues
to figure out.
I was. I was figuring out
how to score on this
sweaty Mexican guy.
I'm not joking.
Why is it that all
of your friends have jobs,
and you don't?
Because I haven't found
the right thing yet.
That has nothing
to do with it.
Oh, no. Don't make this
about my money, Zoe.
All right?
Jobs say something
about a person, Nick.
Look at me.
I have this opportunity,
and I am using it
to move forward.
All of your friends,
they have jobs.
They have kids.
They have Ph.D.s.
- And you can't
even do laundry.
- Look, I'm coming with you.
I'm packing right now.
I'm coming with you.
Mmm. Save your money
for once, Nick. Okay?
Folk ]
[ Man ]
I can totally do
my own laundry.
Hey. Hey, what
are you doin' right now?
- Nick?
- Why? What's wrong?
You sound awful.
I'd love to see you, man,
but I've got
a young singles' mixer...
at the Museum
of Natural History tonight.
[ Baby Crying ]
I'm trying not to kill
my firstborn son.
Hey, do you want
to rock that with me,
wingman style?
I just can't really talk
right now,
but whatever it is,
we'll have drinks later
and we'll work it out.
No. Okay. All right.
Talk to you later.
Bye.
Hey.
Can I shoot with you
for a while?
No, man.
I'm practicing.
Come on, man.
Bet you can't
get it past me.
That all you got?
Man, don't you have
anything better to do
than play with a kid?
Oh, are you gonna play
the kid card?
Come on.
I thought you had
more than that.
[ Panting, Puffing ]
[ Groans ]
That was all right.
All right?
I've been workin' on that
for a year, man.
That's Zidane's move.
That's the roulette.
Who?
Zidane?
He's just, like,
the coolest player in--
[ Mutters ]
Ask your coach.
I don't got one.
I gotta go.
All right,
nice playin' with you.
[ Stella ]
All right, explain this
to me again.
[ Nick ]
Look, it's simple.
Zoe thinks that
I do nothing, and I have
no ambition. Right?
About which...
she has a point.
So, I get a job.
I have ambition.
She comes back to me.
By coaching kids' soccer?
Do you even know anything
about kids?
Well, I know a ton
about soccer.
And the kids'll love me.
How could they not?
Well, look at you.
You're a total sketchball.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Chuckling ]
Hey, that's my move.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
Okay, fine.
You do actually seem
to be inspired, so...
go get 'em, player.
What do you mean?
I mean ask
for a position.
What? When? Now?
How?
[ Laughs ]
Have you ever applied
for a job?
Um, yes.
Yes, when I was eight.
To be an astronaut.
I didn't get the gig.
Hold this.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
Job interview.
For you.
Tomorrow.
What did you do?
I asked.
[ Man ]
Girls' softball is,
as I'm sure you know,
very competitive.
It's kicking my ass.
Of course.
Okay, so,
what's your coaching style?
Fresh.
Well, I-I think that
it's a good thing for kids...
to learn how to, uh,
become part of something
that is bigger than themselves.
Learn to become part
of a larger unit.
Yeah.
And it's a beautiful game.
The world watches.
And the world doesn't
watch the World Series,
but they watch
the World Cup...
because it's
a unifying game.
It ties us all together--
Rich, poor, black, white,
short, fat,
girls and boys.
And the simplicity of it--
One ball, two goals,
22 players.
But within that,
endless possibility.
And most important,
you are a unit.
You act as one.
You are one.
That's teamwork.
That's what the greats do.
One player goes down,
you all go down.
And you can only win
by playing together.
And that's what
I'm gonna teach
all of you--
How to play this game
the way it was meant
to be played.
Any questions?
- Yo. Spell "icup."
- I-C--
[ Laughing ]
All right, settle down.
Settle down.
Any serious questions?
Yo, Coach,
you got a girlfriend?
Ha, ha. Very funny.
Very funny.
Hi. Hey, come here.
Why are you late, man?
'Cause I am.
Where are your cleats?
I don't have 'em.
Oh, so you're late and
you don't have your equipment?
Is there anything else?
Come on, man.
You know me.
Yeah, I know you.
The next time you're late--
next time anybody is late--
that'll be a lap.
You got it?
All right, back in line.
Thank you.
Where were we? Yes.
- Who's bringing the snacks
to practice?
- You are, fat boy.
- Snap. He said you're fat.
- No, no, no. None of that.
Come on.
- Are you gonna tell us
your name, or what?
- Sure.
My name is, uh, Coach.
- That's your name?
- Yeah.
Just Coach.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
Are we at a hooker bar?
Hey, how's
the coaching gig?
I'm sorry.
That girl looked
like a whore.
Does she not have a mother?
Don't be jealous.
It's really good.
Don't you have, like,
practice in the morning
or something?
This is so upsetting.
Do you want
another drink?
Mm-hmm.
- [ Girl ]
Coach, you're late.
- Yeah, sorry. Overslept.
You said anyone who's late
needs to run a lap.
No, no, no.
I'm the co--
[ Groans ]
Damn it!
[ All Laughing ]
[ Nick ]
Ten pass minimum.
Three touch max.
Penalty is a lap
around the field.
So, orange and yellow,
purple and red.
Let's do it.
Come on.
Let's do it!
Hey, uh--
What's your name?
Nate, yo.
Yeah, yeah. Nate.
You are gonna be
the official team photographer.
All right? Stick with me.
That's good, guys.
Keep it movin'.
Keep it movin'. Uh--
Yeah, all right.
Bring it in.
Bring it in.
I want you to use
the whole field, right?
Spread out.
And just--
just light touches, yeah?
Light touches.
Okay.
All right. One photo.
Nice.
Come on, guys.
[ Girl ]
Kick it over here!
Keep it movin'.
- Pass it.
- No more than three touches.
- Pass it!
- That's it. Keep--
- No. Hector,
pass the ball, man.
- [ Chattering ]
Hector, pass the ball.
[ Boy ]
He never passes the ball.
Are you kidding me?
Hector, did you not
hear the drill?
I scored.
Yeah, I saw that.
But why didn't you
pass 'em the ball?
'Cause they suck.
I mean, just give me the ball
and I'll score.
- I don't suck.
- Look, none of you suck.
Drop the attitude,
or I'm not gonna let you
play in the game tomorrow.
All right?
I guess I'm not
gonna play tomorrow.
Fine. Go home.
[ Mutters ]
All right.
Come on. Keep goin'.
[ Chattering ]
Come on right here.
[ Sighs ]
All right.
Keep passing, guys.
[ Panting ]
Ian!
That's good enough.
You can stop now.
No, Coach.
I only got one more to go.
[ Baby Fussing ]
So how's working life?
It's awesome.
I get to pimp out
in a track suit,
and I'm outside all the time.
I even don't mind
the kids.
Dude, stop checking
your phone.
[ Exhales ]
Now listen to me.
Being a coach is gonna
open up a whole new realm
of opportunity for you--
The realm of mom ass.
Having a cool whistle,
a cool coach persona--
You're gonna be able to rack up
some impressive numbers
in the over-30 set.
Do not blow this.
I did not take the job
for soccer moms.
I took the job
to get back with Zoe.
Huh? I already called her
to let her know.
School's out! Let's go!
[ Nick ]
All right.
[ Claps ]
Feelin' good?
Ready to win?
Yeah.
That's what I like to hear.
Oh! Look who decided
to show up, huh?
I hope your teammates
are okay with that.
You're not gonna win
today's game without me,
and I don't think
you wanna lose
your first game.
At least you're humble about it.
Take a seat.
[ Exhales ]
[ Chattering ]
All right, guys.
Guys, can I have a little--
A little quiet?
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Boy ]
Oh, who farted?
[ Children Snickering ]
Oh, come on.
Guys, please.
- [ Chattering ]
- Shut up!
When I call your name,
raise up your hand.
Ian.
Present.
Frankie.
Hey.
Juliette.
Here.
Oh, put
your stinky pits down!
[ Chattering, Laughing ]
Guys! Please--
Come on, man.
[ Cell Phone Ringing ]
Just-Just take your--
[ Chattering, Laughing
Continue ]
Yeah. Seen what?
Take your hand outta there.
Come on.
The billboards, man.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
Sir? Go, go, go.
You don't know?
I thought you'd know,
'cause I'm always
the last one to know.
- Michael, what?
- Zoe is, like,
a total superstar.
There's posters
of her everywhere.
It's so awesome.
'Cause when you go out there
to visit her, you're so gonna
get to party with Hef.
[ Brakes Screech ]
Something wrong, Coach?
You look like somebody died.
- That-That's my girlfriend.
- She's pretty.
I didn't know
you had a girlfriend, Coach.
Oh, well, we're kinda
takin' a break right now.
Oh. Geez, I'm sorry.
No, no. No, no.
Just, like, a break.
Oh. Yeah. A break.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
[ Exhales ]
All right, guys--
Huddle up. Okay.
Um, look, I know
that we haven't
practiced much together,
but you guys have made
great progress,
and, uh, I just, um--
I just, uh, want you
to go out there and, uh,
uh-uh, try hard to, um--
[ Cell Phone Chimes ]
to win.
All right? So go do it.
Warm up 'cause, uh,
I-I gotta get this.
Right? Go, go.
Break-up text message?
Oh. Oh, well, screw you!
Screw you. Screw you.
[ Grunts ]
Uh-- I'm just, uh--
- I'm getting pumped up
for the game here.
- Screw. Screw you.
- Screw. Screw you.
- Oh, no. Nate--
Screw you.
Screw. Screw you.
[ Whistle Blows ]
Please let us not suck.
[ Boy ]
Over here!
[ Boy #2 ] Kick it!
- [ Whistle Blows ]
- [ Groans ]
[ Chuckling ]
I told you they were crap.
Yeah.
Actually, I'm kind of thinking
that I'm, uh--
It's just one game.
Right. I know.
It's just--
After that, I don't know
how much good I can do.
Kids seem
to really like you.
No, no, no.
They're great, but--
Know what?
You can't quit today.
It's payday.
[ Michael ]
This is a total blow, man. Wow.
The mansion--
So close.
Mm-hmm. Sure.
But, I mean,
on the bright side,
you got this job.
You're a coach,
which is very cool.
You just throw yourself
into it, man.
Mm-hmm.
Plus, one of 'em
might have a sister.
Rebound, dude. Rebound.
[ Nick ]
Oh, you should be
a therapist, Michael.
You gotta play hurt, bro.
You're a coach now.
People are counting on you.
[ Man ]
[ Chattering ]
[ Boy ]
Right here!
Hey, Andy.
It's another disaster.
Need drinks.
Gimme a call.
Hector, right here!
[ Whistle Blows ]
Hey.
Hey, break it up.
[ Man ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Break it up.
Break it up. Break it up.
Oh!
[ Whistle Blows ]
That kid's crazy.
Come on, take a walk.
Unbelievable.
Get back on the bench.
Come on.
[ Hector ]
It's fine.
Doesn't look fine.
You need an X-ray.
Where are your parents?
[ Cell Phone Chimes ]
Or is there someone
you can call?
Like a cousin or something?
Oh, wonderful.
Ma'am, do you have any idea
how long it's gonna take?
We've been here two hours.
[ Sighs ]
You saw how nobody
had your back in that fight?
That's what happens
when you're a shitty teammate,
you know?
[ Cell Phone Rings ]
Hey, Andy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I can't talk. Hold on.
Hector Ramirez.
Oh, great. Yes, yes.
Right there.
Come on in.
[ Nick ]
I know. I don't know.
Yeah, I'm nearby.
Yeah, I'm leavin' right now.
[ Woman On P.A. ]
Nurse Jackie needed
at the nurses' station.
Dr. Warner.
Paging Dr. Warner.
[ Groans ]
Friday nights don't get
much better than this, huh?
[ Chuckles ]
You look like a two to me.
Hey. Hey, Hector.
You gotta show 'em
your pain face, man.
Come on.
We've been waiting
for, like, three hours.
We gotta at least get
some good pills out of this.
Forget I said that.
Let me see, like, a--
Like, a four.
Come on, man. No, no.
It's more like, uh--
[ Door Opens ]
Mr. Ramirez?
No. No, that's Mr. Ramirez.
I was just being a four.
Pain face, man.
Pain face.
Okay, let's see that arm.
What happened?
He was tackled
by this big guido kid
playing soccer.
Caught him
with a pretty good left though.
Well, it's not broken.
Well, how can you tell?
Uh, right there--
There's bone bruising,
but no fracture.
Oh, that's so cool.
What is?
That you can read X-rays.
I know. Otherwise,
I'd just be guessing.
Yeah, I'm just saying
it's kind of impressive,
that's all.
[ Woman On P.A.,
Indistinct ]
I'll be right back.
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
-Lady doctor's hot, yo?
-Oh, yeah. You should ask her...
if she wants to come
see you play, man.
[ Scoffs ] What?
Yeah. Ask her to a game.
- No.
- Yes.
It's way too rexy.
I'm not doin' it.
Ask her to do it.
Just tell her
she saved your life--
Are you serious?
- I'll give you 20 bucks.
- Word?
So, ice
three times a day,
and if you feel pain,
just take a Tylenol.
Um, would--
Would you like to,
you know, come
see me play sometime?
That's really nice of you--
[ Laughs ]
but I never get
to leave the hospital.
Oh, man, that's too bad...
'cause, you know,
Coach thinks you're mad fly.
I gotta rock
the 14-year-old wingman
more often.
What's that?
The wingman?
Oh, man, that's important.
That's like the copilot,
the assistant.
He helps you get digits.
Yeah, maybe you need help
with that.
No, no, no.
That's the way it works.
You see, you're always
more attractive
to a girl...
when she sees you
with someone who
makes you look better.
Like with us, right?
I was all caring,
responsible guy,
and you were hurt, sad kid.
You made me better,
and now I got digits.
You see?
It's like soccer, Hec.
You can't do it alone.
And you-- You can make
a pretty decent wingman
when you want to. You feel me?
All right.
You good from here?
Yeah.
Coach?
Yeah, what's up?
Listen, um,
thanks for, you know,
waitin' around with me.
That's all right.
I didn't have
anything better to do.
Oh, no. Hey, Hec.
I-It was my pleasure, man.
It was my pleasure.
Folk ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Man ]
[ Phone Machine Beeps ]
[ Nick ]
Oh, hi. Hi.
It's, uh-- It's Nick Scanlon
from the hospital
the other night.
The kid with the arm?
Um, not me.
[ Chuckles ]
I wasn't the kid
with the arm. Um--
Anyway, I was just ringing
to see if you were gonna
make it to the game on Friday.
Really hope you are.
Uh, all right.
All right, bye.
All right, guys,
Hector has something
he would like to say to you all.
Yeah. Sorry I said
you guys suck.
You guys don't suck.
I mean, I'll pass
the ball more.
Oh! Oh, and Coach has
this hot lady doctor
for a girlfriend.
[ Laughing, Chattering ]
Gazonk, gazonk.
Coach got boo-tay.
You hittin' it
with her yet, Coach?
- What?
- Coach isn't like that.
He's romantic.
- Thank you, Juliette.
- Take her to Sizzler. They have
all-you-can-eat breakfast.
Girls don't wanna go
to no stupid Sizzler.
- You should take her to see
Alien Versus Predator II.
- I just saw that movie!
It's mad good, right?
Yeah.
Guys, these are all
really good ideas,
but we just met.
We haven't even kissed yet.
[ Chattering ]
Coach, on the real--
You know what's hot?
The opera--
With the fat people singin'
and all that.
That's not actually
a bad idea, Nate.
But can we practice now?
Can we?
All right?
That would be wonderful.
Come on.
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Whistle Blowing ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
All right, guys.
Come in. Come in.
Guys, you're runnin'
away from it.
You can't be scared
of the ball.
Um, Soccer's--
It's not just a sport, right?
It's-It's like an art.
You gotta treat the game
like you would treat a woman.
You know?
You gotta flow.
You can't just clunk
your way into her pants.
- [ Children Laughing ]
- Uh-- Bad choice of words,
all right?
Just-- Let's forget
I said that. Um--
I-It's like, uh--
It's like dancing
with somebody
you really like.
It's listening to each other
without talking.
It's knowing what
Juliette is gonna do
because of the look in her eyes.
It is reacting to a surprise
when Nate crosses the ball
too early.
[ Children Laugh ]
It's knowing
where you are in space...
at every moment.
It's putting it out there.
You know?
[ Nate ]
You O.D., Coach.
What's that mean?
It's good. It's powerful.
Oh. Right. Word.
[ Children Laugh ]
All right.
Sex Ed is over.
Let's try again.
Team two into positions.
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Laughing ]
After my wife gave birth,
I thought I was gonna
get it all the time.
Oh, God.
Yeah, right. Every guy claims
to have some girlfriend
that really likes it.
No woman actually likes it.
What are you
talking about?
I had a girlfriend
who used to ask for it
by name.
You asked for it
by name?
No, she did.
What do you mean?
Like "Bruce"?
Like "Give me the Bruce!"
Uh, no.
She had a name.
Where are you going?
Home.
What? We're talkin'
about... the Bruce here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How can you leave?
What, are you hiding?
Are you hiding a girl?
[ Chattering, Laughing ]
No. No, no. There's no girl.
There's no girl.
I have a game on Friday.
I gotta prepare.
Oh, no.
Look at how shady
Nick is being right now.
I am so proud of you.
You see what you've done?
You keep blowin' that whistle,
and the moms are gonna
flock to you...
like a Bed, Bath & Beyond
on a Saturday.
All right. All right.
Bye, guys.
No! Come back.
[ Stella ]
Lame!
It's definitely a girl.
Right?
You're kidding.
What time is his game on Friday?
I don't know.
Good question.
Hmm.
[ Indistinct Conversations ]
These joints
are expensive.
You're not gonna be
doing the roulette
without the proper gear, dude.
What size?
So, any of your family
gonna come to the game?
No, they can't make it.
Why not?
I don't know. Stuff.
Coach, is that hot lady doctor
swingin' through tomorrow,
or what?
Hope so.
So, what do you do
when you're not
coaching, Coach?
I don't know.
I write a little.
I, uh-- I hang out
with my friends.
Just... stuff. You know.
No, I mean--
I mean, like,
what's your real job?
This is my real job.
Pay coaches a lot, huh?
Oh!
[ Chuckles ]
I just have, uh,
some-- some money
of my own.
You're rich?
I don't know.
What's rich?
Like, could you fly
to Hawaii?
Yeah, I'm rich.
Oh, thank you.
When I was, uh,
a little bit older
than you are now, Hector,
my dad died.
Had a heart attack,
and, um--
He used to work all the time.
Like, he really
never stopped working,
and he worked so hard
that he saved up
a whole lot of money,
and when he died, he left
most of that money to me.
Team's gonna be so jealous.
Oh, well, I'll take care
of them too.
Don't worry.
Kick it over here!
[ Boy ]
Over here, Juliette!
[ Whooping, Laughing ]
[ Girl ]
Over here, Hector.
[ Nick ]
Move up! Move up!
Come on!
[ Michael ]
Go, team! Go!
[ Stella ] Whoo!
[ Chattering ]
[ Nick ]
Chin up, guys. Tired?
- Ian?
- No, I'm okay.
All right.
Hector, I want you to make
some long runs, okay?
Juliette, look for him,
'cause he can take
that defender on the fly.
"Defense," on three.
[ Together ]
One, two, three-- Defense!
Go.
What's wrong, Frankie?
I can't play
left wing no more.
Well, why not?
'Cause of Juliette.
Uh, explain.
She's hot.
Uh-huh. Uh--
And... sometimes I get--
Um, during--
During the game?
Yeah, and I think she saw.
Um--
Well, let's, uh--
Let's make you a right back
from now on, huh?
Thanks, Coach.
Sure, sure.
Hey, Frankie.
Um, happens to the best
of us, man.
[ Laughs ]
[ Chattering ]
[ Boy ]
Hector!
All right, Ian!
[ Cheering ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
All right, Ian!
Look at that happy fat kid.
[ Whistle Blowing ]
[ Cheering ]
We tied.
We tied.
[ Laughing, Chattering ]
Hey, what happened
to your lady friend?
There is no lady.
Dude, you were
checking the bleachers
every five minutes.
[ Laughs ]
Was it that obvious?
Aww.
Aww.
[ Exhales ]
I don't know
what happened to her.
Call her again.
The double call is cool
if you really like her.
Michael.
What?
Sometimes you really
distress me.
Nick, don't ever
be like Michael.
Ouch.
I don't know, dude.
The double call
is a little lame.
[ Rapping ]
Not as lame as that.
[ Cheering ]
Thank you all.
[ Sighs ]
[ Exhales ]
Hi. Hey, Gabrielle.
Nick?
Yeah.
It's 4:00 in the morning.
Did you-- How--
Why do you have flowers?
Listen, I just
want you to know...
that I don't care that
you didn't come to the game,
but the children
were really
looking forward to it.
Well, tell the children
that I was planing on coming,
but I got paged
and I had to go.
Really?
You were really gonna come?
It was under, uh, consideration.
[ Laughing ]
Awesome.
But I don't know.
You might be
too cheesy for me.
Come on. Flowers?
It was kind of cute,
how nervous you just got.
Tuesday?
I have a shift.
Bear in mind
that if you don't say yes,
I'm just gonna
come back tomorrow, drunker.
Well, in that case,
maybe I can get someone
to cover.
Works for me.
Okay.
Okay.
Can I go?
Can I get you a taxi?
Okay.
Just so you know,
I'm gonna have
a restraining order...
in my pocket the whole time.
I think that's actually
a very good idea.
What's the matter?
I wanted to be
your wingman.
[ Laughs ]
Michael,
I'm taking a girl.
What?
Yeah.
Ooh. To singles' night?
Crafty.
[ Nick ]
Zinedine Zidane. That is
the roulette properly done.
[ Hector ]
Dope.
He came out of retirement--
Single-handedly took France
to the World Cup final in '06.
And they would have won
if he hadn't head-butted
this guy.
Huh?
Well, that was why
he got thrown out of the game.
Apparently, some guy
bad-mouthed his sister,
so, you know,
he head-butted him.
Oh, man,
it's his sister.
Right?
But... they lost?
Yeah.
[ Chuckling ]
Yeah.
It kinda cost 'em the game.
Still, pretty awesome.
I mean, he carried the team
on his back.
Coach, um--
You know how you said
that... your dad died?
Yeah.
My mom--
My mom died too.
Oh, geez, Hec.
I-- I didn't know.
Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]
That's how come
I was late to practice.
I gotta be home a lot
to babysit my little sisters
and stuff.
Mm-hmm.
And my dad gets home
real late from work.
Whenever he gets home,
he's mad tired,
so it's like--
That's how come
he can never
come see me play.
Did your mom
ever see you play?
[ Chuckles ]
One time, but...
I didn't score.
[ Chuckles ]
My dad came
to see me play one time.
High school.
We were a goal down.
I was in a one-on-one
with the goalie.
About to score.
I looked up, and I saw him
on the sidelines.
And he'd never been
to a game before.
I was so surprised
to see him there
that I just froze where I was,
and-and stared at him.
What happened?
Keeper took the ball.
[ Chuckles ]
Booted it downfield,
and they scored on us.
Yeah. I didn't care though.
I was just so happy
that he came.
Damn.
At least he left you
all that money.
[ Chuckles ]
Yeah, he did.
Dads can be tricky, huh?
What?
Aw, nothin'.
[ Nick ]
Very nice.
Hurry, Hector.
[ Nate ]
What's up, player?
How's things with you
and your jump off?
Well, actually, Nate,
we have a date tomorrow night.
Word?
That's right.
I'm taking my jump off
to the opera.
That's what I'm sayin'.
You keep listening
to the Nate dog, you'll
be hittin' it in no time.
[ Laughs ]
In Italian ]
[ Gabrielle ]
I forgot how pretty it is here.
Oh, um, there's something
I should probably tell you
before we go any further.
Fat people singing?
I know.
True. And it is,
uh, singles' night.
You do that?
[ Laughing ]
No. No. I don't--
I don't do it.
My friend Michael does it.
People do it. He does it.
But I don't do it
because I'm
extremely charming.
[ Laughs ]
I bet I get
more numbers than you.
It's not a competition.
With Chorus ]
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
I'm a surgeon.
What do you do?
[ Chattering ]
So, are you, uh,
enjoying the opera,
Sandy?
I'm Nick.
Um, could-could I perhaps
get your number to continue this
conversation some other time?
I don't think so.
You're not the type of guy
who would ever call me.
Fair enough. Yeah.
Put that on your yacht--
Hi! I'm Nick.
Hi, Nick, nice to meet you.
This is Brian.
Brian is
a hedge fund manager.
What do you do?
I'm a soccer coach.
We were sort of talkin' here.
It's kind of against the rules.
- Easy, Bri.
- Bri? I don't even
know you, bro.
Now, now, boys,
a little friendly competition
never hurt anybody.
Brian, why don't you
give me your number...
and we'll call it even.
Sweet.
Call me.
Okay.
Nice to meet you.
[ Tones Chime Over P.A. ]
Yeah, well, I... guess
that means you win, huh?
[ Laughs ]
I think maybe I'm just
not used to being awake
when I'm not at work.
Uh-huh. It's a shame,
because it was
a scintillating performance.
Oh, and you snored.
No!
Yeah, but it added
to the whole experience.
I'll make it up to you.
No.
Yes.
Not Brian.
Mm-hmm.
Morris?
Morris likes you.
No, Morris liked you.
He told me.
Yeah, well,
I've got his card.
I do think I met
one nice guy though.
Hope he calls.
I think he will.
I have to go.
I traded shifts and I said
I'd be there at midnight.
Thank you.
Hey, leave 'em on.
Let's see the roulette.
Huh?
What's the matter?
I gotta quit the team.
What?
Yeah. My dad hurt his back
while he was at work.
So, I gotta get a job
while he's not working.
Well, says who?
My dad.
You're our best player,
Hec. We can't win
without you.
I have no other choice,
Coach.
I mean, a man's gotta step up.
You know?
Take care of his family and all.
Let me take care of it.
I'll talk to him, okay?
All right,
that'd be cool.
[ Vehicle Horns Honking ]
[ Door Unlocking, Opening ]
Hi. I'm Nick Scanlon,
Hector's coach.
Ramon. Nice to meet you.
Likewise, yeah.
I'm sorry to hear
about your back.
[ Girls Giggling ]
Mija, cierre la puerta.
It's--
[ Baby Crying ]
You want-- You want some water?
Oh, no, thank you.
I'm good.
Um, I came by because
Hector told me that
he has to quit the team.
Yeah. Man,
my freakin' back.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Um, have you talked
to a lawyer?
'Cause if you hurt your back
at your place of work--
Oh, yeah.
Yeah?
Come on. Come on.
Have a seat.
Oh, thank you.
[ Speaking Spanish ]
Okay?
So he has to get
a job, huh?
Uh, yeah.
But that's okay.
He's a man now.
Yeah.
And he needs to--
needs to help out, you know.
It's just that he's so good.
And the team really
relies on him.
You know, if there was some way
you could see your way
to letting him play,
that would mean a lot.
A lot to who? You?
No, to him.
No. It's not just about him.
No, no, of course not.
I mean, I suppose what
I'm really asking...
is can we figure out
some way that he would
be able to keep playing?
'Cause it would mean a lot--
sure, to me and to him
and to the team--
Nick, right?
Right.
Nick--
[ Groans ]
Nick, I-I wish, you know.
But what can I do?
We need the money.
And he needs to pitch in.
Well, can I help?
I could float you
a loan or something.
I can't take your money.
No, no, of course not.
Um, what if I hire him?
Like how?
Well, I-I could pay
for his time at practice.
But he'd help me
with the team.
He'd be like my, uh--
my assistant coach.
Yeah, yeah.
He could get the balls
and do the nets,
and that way
he'd still be getting paid,
but-but-but he'd be playing.
We don't take handouts
in this family.
No, no, it's not a handout.
He would be working
for his money.
For now.
Yeah, yeah.
What about
a year from now,
when you're someplace else?
The answer's no.
Ramon, it's taking something
really special away from him.
What, you telling me
how to be a father now?
I'm not--
Listen, look.
The kid's gotta learn...
that we don't all have
the same advantages.
I-I-I just want him
to play.
It's not gonna happen.
Not like this.
[ Boy ]
Kick it to me, Frankie.
[ Juliette ]
Um, Coach?
Hey, Jules.
Look, I need to talk
to Hector for a second,
okay?
How come you moved Frankie
to right back?
Uh, well, because
he's a better defender.
No, he's not.
Yeah. Uh, well, no.
But I wanted to try it
because I had a hunch.
You suck at lying, Coach.
Okay, fine.
Now, look, he likes you.
He does?
Yes. You move him in--
in uncontrollable ways.
But just keep it on the D.L.,
'cause it's a boy thing.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Uh-huh?
That's it.
[ Laughs ]
[ Boy ]
Over here, Juliette!
[ Juliette ]
Kick it harder.
Hey, Hector!
So, as my assistant coach,
you show up early,
you sort out the nets,
you get out the cones,
you stretch out
the other players.
And then at the end
of practice, you clean up.
That's the job.
My dad was cool with that?
Well, I'll be honest.
He-He wasn't
totally cool with it,
but-but once he sees
that you get to work
and play as well,
then it's not gonna
be a problem.
Just for the moment, if he asks,
tell him that you work at,
like, Blockbuster or something.
You want me
to lie to my dad?
No, it's not a lie, really.
Because you are working,
right?
And dads are tricky,
remember?
Look, sometimes it is best
not to say something.
Trust me, okay?
All right.
All right, okay.
- [ Whistle Blows ]
- Move up! Move up!
- [ Juliette ] Pass it.
- Ref, come on.
[ Whistle Blows ]
Yes!
[ Nick ]
Come on! Come on, guys!
[ Nick ]
Quick pass.
- [ Whistle Blows ]
- Whoo!
[ Nick ]
Okay, guys. Good play.
[ Chorus ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Chorus ]
Yes!
[ Chorus ]
Whoo!
She's not gonna make it.
Ah, some kid nailed
his hand to a 2-by-4
and she has to cover.
Yet another reason
to go for a mom.
They don't have jobs.
I kinda like it.
You do?
Yeah. She's got her thing.
I've got mine.
All is good.
[ Michael ]
And her thing would be
that she's not real?
Well, it's a shame
'cause that kid's about to go
into cardiac arrest.
Stella, be nice.
[ Boy ]
They're really big.
[ Juliette ]
And they got shiny uniforms.
[ Nick ]
It's not the uniforms
that make the team.
It's the shoes.
[ Players Laugh ]
Nice!
Excuse me?
Um,
I was just wondering
if I could have
your autograph?
Um, I guess.
Here. Just right...
here.
If any girls ever give you
a hard time, call me.
Okay.
[ Sighs ]
[ Nick ]
Move up. Move up!
[ Boy ] Over here, Hector.
[ Juliette ]
Hector, I'm open.
[ Boy #2 ]
Hector! Kick it over here.
Shoot it!
[ Whistle Blows ]
Nice try, Jules.
Nice shot!
That's my sister.
No way.
She's-- She's awesome.
Unlucky.
Thanks. Awesome pass.
I'm Gretchen.
Uh, uh, Michael.
Hi.
[ Chattering ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Man ]
Let's go!
Heartbreaking loss.
Can you believe it,
Bruce? Bruce?
Uh, so, uh, maybe next game
I'll see you here.
Totally.
Oh, great.
Okay, it's a date then.
[ Mockingly ]
"It's a date then."
Ow.
Guys, cheer up.
You played well.
We should have won though.
I should have scored.
Guys, don't be down.
We're almost there.
We'll win next time.
All right? All right?
All right,
now hit the showers.
That's gay, Coach.
We don't shower at school.
It's an expression.
It means "take off."
Go on!
All right, bye, guys.
[ Boy ]
See ya, Coach.
Peace out, Nate.
Hey, Hector.
You played well today.
Yeah. I mean,
we could have won.
Yeah, maybe.
But, you know,
it's over now.
And, uh, we'll take
the next one. Huh?
Yeah.
Listen. There's 400.
Give your dad 200 this week,
200 the next. Okay?
All right.
All right.
Good work this week.
- Hey!
- I'm sorry I missed the game.
No.
I'm not really--
[ Sighs ]
I'm not really used
to having a life.
[ Chuckles ]
How did we do?
[ Andy ]
Busted!
- You're not allowed
to dump me for this.
- This must be the little lady.
You were robbed, by the way.
That ref's a total pole smoker.
Hi. I'm-- I'm Andy.
How are you?
Nice to meet you.
Gabrielle.
Ah.
[ Gabrielle ]
So I started going through
my checklist,
and I x-ray him,
poke around his abdomen,
which is severely distended.
You're smart.
[ Laughs ]
[ Michael ]
You are not.
[ Gabrielle ]
And we figured
his appendix burst.
So I started getting him
prepped for surgery.
And when I go to check
his airway, the tube slides
right on down.
I mean, this guy's throat
was enormous.
But I don't think
anything of it at the time.
So, he's all prepped,
and Radiology brings in
the films.
And they put them up
on the light board.
And right there...
in this guy's stomach...
is a size nine...
Chuck Taylor All Star.
[ Michael ]
What?
- The shoe?
- The shoe.
[ All Laughing ]
We cut him open
and I pull out the shoe.
It's dripping with bile.
[ All Groan ]
The guy was
a sword swallower--
Oh, no.
that was practicing
enlarging his esophagus.
Well, one question.
How did you know
it was a size nine?
- [ Andy ] Good question.
- Mm-hmm.
We made one of the
male nurses try it on.
[ Michael ] Of course.
There it is.
Oh, I like you so much
more than poster girl.
Oh!
Sorry.
[ Laughs ]
Yeah.
Listen, I have
a question.
You're hot.
You're almost 30.
You're a doctor.
You, um-- You tell
awesome stories about guys
who swallow sneakers.
Um, you've got the ass
of a 19-year-old.
[ Laughs ]
So,
what on earth
are you doing
sitting here with me?
I might just like you.
Yeah, but why
are you even available
to like me?
Why don't you invite me
over sometime?
'Cause the place
isn't really ready
for visitors... yet.
When will it be ready?
How 'bout Saturday night?
Hmm. Saturday's good.
Come on, you wuss.
Coach, is this really
strength training?
Watch the corners, guys.
[ Sighs ]
This is a disaster. She'll
be here in 15 minutes.
Yeah, you should hit
the showers, Coach. Let your
assistant handle this.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Come on in.
Remember Hector?
Hi, Hector.
Hey, lady doc.
So, uh, thanks for
all the help.
You all right getting home?
Um, can't be home till 10:00.
Supposed to be
at Blockbuster.
Right. Um--
I'll uh-- I can pay
for a movie or something.
Or you could stay
for dinner.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
Now--
Hey, buddy.
Time to go.
Uh-uh.
All right, 10 minutes.
[ Mutters ]
[ Nick Sighs ]
[ Gabrielle Whispering ]
I'll see you in the morning.
My man, you are fired.
[ Door Closes ]
Where's Hector?
Uh, he got up early
and had to go.
Well, that's convenient.
Mmm. Sorry, buddy.
Gotta go to work.
Oh, God.
[ Chuckles ]
Hey, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
For your troubles.
Whoa.
Really?
You know, what the hell.
It'd be nice to see you.
Okay.
Okay. Well, allow me
to walk you downstairs.
You sure about this?
[ Phone Beeps ]
[ Nick ] I'm totally happy
to walk you downstairs.
[ Laughs ]
[ Gabrielle ]
The key.
[ Door Opens ]
[ Nick ]
No, too late now.
[ Door Closes ]
[ Nick ]
Frankie, you seen Hector today?
Nope.
Keep going, guys.
Looking good.
Coach?
Hey, what's up?
Well, I've been thinking
a lot about some of the things
you've been telling us...
about soccer...
and liking someone.
Mm-hmm.
And, um,
there's something
I'm kind of confused about.
Okay.
You always kinda talk about
boys liking other girls
and girls liking boys.
And, like, you have
a girlfriend--
Who's really pretty,
by the way.
Well, thank you.
But--
But what if
you're a girl...
and you-- you like--
Yeah, okay, say no more, Jen.
I got it. Um--
Here's the thing.
It doesn't matter if you like
boys or girls.
It is--
It's finding the right person.
You know?
That is one of life's
great mysteries.
But when that person
comes along, you'll know.
And-- And everyone else
that you have ever been with
will just pale in comparison.
And it won't matter what
anyone else says or thinks...
because you'll be happy.
And you'll know.
Plus, you're 14.
Does that make any sense?
I think.
It's kind of confusing, huh?
Yeah.
Well--
Go ahead and be confused
for a while.
Don't tell anybody.
Okay.
[ Ramon ]
Hey, Coach!
Coach!
[ Clears Throat ]
Ramon--
[ Gasps ]
Calm down, okay?
You tried to buy my son?
No, no. Look, let me explain.
He wanted to work--
You're gonna give him money.
Have a little sleepover
in your house?
No, no, it's not like that.
Come on--
You are not his father!
We don't need your money.
We don't need your help.
We don't want your help.
This is my family.
Do you understand me?
Yes, I do. And I'm sorry.
You better be.
I'm gonna have your ass.
Just-- Just get going, guys.
We're-- We're done for today.
[ Gabrielle ]
That kid trusted you.
They all trust you.
Look, Hector loves to play.
That is the only time
he's happy.
And plus, he could get
a scholarship. That's what
the kid should be doing.
Yeah, but you talked
to his father. And he said no.
Those are the rules, Nick.
His father is wrong.
That's not up to you.
You gave a 14-year-old
a wad of cash and told him
to lie to his dad.
You don't see
a problem there?
Oh, my God.
Nobody ever taught you
these things, did they?
Well, I'm not gonna help you
feel better about this,
if that's what you want.
I have to go.
Hey!
Hey.
It's good--
Give me a hug.
[ Kisses Face ]
You look good.
You look tan.
Yeah. Well,
I'm outside a lot.
Right, the job.
Uh-huh.
Right. I'm impressed.
Really.
Can I come up?
Zoe.
Just to warm up.
Then I'll go.
- Wow, the place looks great.
- [ Chuckles ] Yeah.
Well, I got rid of
a lot of the old stuff.
Hey, I'm sorry.
I was pissed.
You can't blame me, right?
[ Coat Clatters On Floor ]
Why are you here?
[ Laughs ]
The Soccer Coaching Bible.
How do you beat
a five-man wall?
Love letters.
Wait. Why are you not
cashing these?
'Cause I work.
This is no good.
I know.
No. No, no, no.
I'm not doing this.
I don't want you here
when I get back.
[ Mutters ]
Wait, wait.
Gabrielle, come on.
[ Panting ]
Look, I know. I know,
all right. But I stopped it
from happening.
Really?
Yeah.
I thought maybe you did
understand certain things,
like it's okay for two adults
to have a disagreement...
and then not go hook up
with their exes.
I guess not.
Upper West Side.
Wait, wait, wait.
Let me explain, all right?
You must be drunk again.
Let go.
[ Nick ]
Okay, let's huddle it up.
[ Woman ]
I've got some bad news.
Mr. Scanlon won't be back.
Who's Mr. Scanlon?
[ Frankie ]
Coach, man. Coach!
Is this 'cause
of the thing
with Hector's dad?
The good news is that
I'm gonna help out
in between girls' softball.
Now, we're only one game
out of first place.
Even though we're
gonna have to cut down
on some practice time,
I still think that we can
be ready for Westfield
on Tuesday.
So, what usually happens first?
[ Boy ]
Oh, are you kidding me?
Hey.
Hey.
Two things.
I know I'm a complete asshole.
And secondly,
I brought you a cupcake.
A cupcake?
Just stick around for
three minutes, all right?
Hear me out.
You know, I don't have
three minutes for you.
You want the cupcake?
[ Mutters ]
Come around this way
into the middle. And--
- What up, bitches?
- Whoa.
Are you all right?
What's wrong?
Yeah, I am.
You know, it doesn't change.
I tried, Stella,
but people don't want
you to change.
So I'm cashing my checks
and I'm getting everyone
wasted tonight.
Hey, look at me.
What happened? What's wrong?
You mean, like the part
where, um, I made out
with Zoe,
or Gabrielle walking in
while it was happening?
Or the part about
getting fired 'cause
I was paying one of my players?
What?
That's not cool, bro.
[ Andy ]
Let's get him home.
[ Michael ]
Whoa!
[ Groaning ]
[ Coughs ]
[ Stella ]
How's your head?
- What are you doing here?
- Stayed over.
[ Groans ]
Oh, God! We didn't--
Please.
[ Groans ]
[ Sighs ]
Today is the big day.
The game for first place.
Yes.
But--
Yeah, I know. I know.
[ Whistle Blows ]
Okay, huddle up.
Let's go.
Okay, Frankie, I'm gonna
move you up to striker.
But coach made me
a back.
Yeah, but you're very fast.
And you're much better
up there with Juliette.
Hey, where--
where you guys goin'?
We've got a big game today.
It's not really
gonna do it, is it? No.
[ Laughs ]
No--
[ Knocking ]
Frankly, Gabrielle
was probably right to ditch me.
[ Muffled ]
I don't think that's true.
Coach, we need to talk.
[ Frankie ]
We need you against
Westfield, Coach.
And Mr. Buehl doesn't know
where to put us,
if you know what I mean.
[ Nate ]
'Cause, yo, it's like you said
the first day at practice.
We're a unit.
We act as one. We think as one.
[ Nick ]
I said that?
[ Boy ] Yeah. Remember?
Guys, I would love to,
but Mr. Buehl and I agreed
that I wouldn't come back.
Man, that's some walk-up.
[ Panting ]
Feelin' all right, Coach?
Yeah. A little hungover,
but it'll pass.
Keep your mally, Coach.
Keep your mally.
Uh, guys, I want you
to go on ahead without me
and warm up, okay?
I gotta make one more stop.
Just cover for me.
I promise I'll be there
by kickoff.
[ Buehl ]
Okay, guys, let's go.
[ Gabrielle ]
It's a little sad, isn't it,
that he sent you?
No, he didn't.
I came on my own.
Well, that's sweet,
but he's a big boy.
No, he's not, actually.
[ Pager Beeps ]
But he is getting there.
Is that supposed to
make me feel better?
No, of course not.
I can't make you feel better.
I just think that you guys
are amazing...
and I've never seen him
like this before.
And I think that you guys
have fun.
Fun doesn't necessarily
equal a good idea.
I know. I mean, trust me.
I dated some guy who brought
a pet cobra to parties.
It was fun,
but it was a very bad idea.
You and Nick are not that.
I don't have time
to wait for him
to grow up, Stella.
He's changing, really.
And it-it might not be
because of you,
but it's definitely for you.
I have to get back to work.
[ Sighs ]
I have something to say to you.
Well, say it.
You wanna let me in?
You can say what
you're gonna say right here.
Fine, fine.
You know whose Hector's
favorite player is?
Zidane.
And you showed him--
No, no.
He's my favorite player.
Hector doesn't have one.
At least not that I know of.
So?
So, he's 14 years old.
He should have his own
favorite player.
[ Sighs ]
Look, I-I know I screwed up.
All right? Going behind
your back. And I will take
the fall for that.
And I know that we have
different realities.
Our lives are very different.
But here's the thing.
Hector is a kid.
Playing makes him happy.
And I think you would be
incredibly proud...
to see him on the field.
He shouldn't
have to grow up so soon.
And I know-- trust me,
I know that growing up
too late is a problem.
So is growing up too early.
Ah, that's it.
[ Whistle Blows ]
Coach isn't here yet.
You gotta do something.
What do you want me
to do about it?
Something!
[ Ian ]
Rule 34.2-A of the Junior
Scholastic Soccer Manual.
Are you kidding me?
His dad's a lawyer.
You better do
what he says.
Fine. A uniform inspection.
Hurry up.
I need to see the cleats
and the shin guards as well.
[ Whistle Blows ]
Cleats. Shin guards.
There's your cleats.
What's going on out there?
Shin guards. Cleats.
Ian!
All right, we're good.
Thanks.
How'd you know
about that rule?
Oh, that? I made that up.
Ian!
[ Laughs ]
This is it--
what we've been working for--
the big game.
We win this
and we're in first place.
Now you guys are here
because you deserve to be here.
So then it's very simple.
Two goals, one ball,
our side, their side,
and who wants it the most.
That's all it is.
"Team," on three.
One--
[ All ]
Two, three.
Team!
[ Shouting, Chattering ]
[ Boy ]
Kick it right here.
[ Boy #2 ]
Pass the ball!
- Push!
- Come on!
[ Man ]
[ Crowd Chattering ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Cheering ]
[ Crowd Cheering ]
[ Frankie Shouts ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
- [ Cheering ]
- [ Crowd Cheering ]
You guys are playing
the best I've ever seen.
Forty more minutes.
You got that in you?
Yeah? Forty minutes
and we take this thing home.
Just like we've been doing
all season.
Pay attention to each other.
You move for each other.
You play for each other.
And that's all that matters.
We're a unit, right?
We're one.
And that's how we win.
Hey.
Hey.
How you doing?
Whoo! Yeah, Ian!
[ Players Shouting ]
- Go, go, go, go!
- [ Players Shouting ]
[ All Groan ]
- [ Mouths Words ]
[ Players Shouting ]
- [ Whistle Blows ]
- [ Crowd Groans ]
[ Woman ]
Come on, guys.
Ref, how much time
we got left?
About a minute.
Cool.
That's all we need.
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Shouting Angrily ]
[ Referee ]
Penalty kick for M.S. 131!
[ Nick ]
Go on, guys.
Go on. Go back out.
You all right?
Walk it off?
[ Sighs ]
Yeah, I think so.
You see?
Told you he'd come.
Just took some time.
[ Mouths Word ]
Better make it.
No, Hector, it doesn't matter.
Coach, one goal ties.
Your dad didn't come
to see you score.
He came to see you play.
All these people--
Look at 'em.
Hmm?
Just came to see us play.
All right.
I'm still gonna score.
Take your kick.
Hi.
Hi.
I had to know how it ended.
We're about to find out.
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Man ]
[ Car Alarm Blaring ]
[ Shouting ]
[ Man ]
- [ No Audible Dialogue ]
[ Chattering ]
Hey, I play offense!
Why didn't you
give me the ball?
I'm open.
All right, guys.
Good night.
[ Chattering, Laughing ]
Hey!
What are you doing here?
I had a game.
We thought that you'd be
home with Zoe.
And why would I be home
on a Thursday night?
Because she's
your girlfriend.
Good point.
But then who would be here
looking after you guys, huh?
Aww.
Aww.
Come on, guys.
This is tragic. Who wants?
I do.
You trying to work
right now?
I have a newborn at home.
This is the most peace and quiet
I've had in months.
We gotta get outta here.
There's this guy at the bar
that keeps staring at me,
and if we don't go,
I'm gonna have to sleep
with him.
Let's go.
What is wrong with everybody?
See ya.
[ Man ]
I have to lecture tomorrow.
So I'm really digging
this celibacy thing.
It's very grounding.
How long has it been?
Three weeks. Really.
I'm getting in touch.
I may never have sex again.
I may never want...
Stella.
to have sex... ever again.
What? What?
Shut up.
Well, whatever.
It's easy for you.
You've got Zoe.
But, you know,
the rest of us have to--
[ Sighing ]
I don't know.
Yeah.
That good, huh?
She keeps asking
about my plans.
What are your plans?
Oh, we're gonna get
something to eat, right?
Ha.
[ Laughs ]
Come on. You know me.
I have plans.
Of course I do.
Okay.
How could I not
have plans?
[ Clock Ticking ]
[ Door Opens ]
I got the show.
[ Laughing ]
That's amazing.
- I'm so sorry.
We have to celebrate.
- Flying to L.A. in the morning.
And when I'm there
I think we should
take a little break.
Really?
I've been thinking a lot
about us,
and I really need to focus
on me right now.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa. Look, look--
I'm sorry I didn't call, right?
But I was playing soccer.
I was out, and-and--
But I'm totally happy for you.
You should really think
about growing up, Nick.
Excuse me?
You were too busy
playing soccer
and going out?
You have some issues
to figure out.
I was. I was figuring out
how to score on this
sweaty Mexican guy.
I'm not joking.
Why is it that all
of your friends have jobs,
and you don't?
Because I haven't found
the right thing yet.
That has nothing
to do with it.
Oh, no. Don't make this
about my money, Zoe.
All right?
Jobs say something
about a person, Nick.
Look at me.
I have this opportunity,
and I am using it
to move forward.
All of your friends,
they have jobs.
They have kids.
They have Ph.D.s.
- And you can't
even do laundry.
- Look, I'm coming with you.
I'm packing right now.
I'm coming with you.
Mmm. Save your money
for once, Nick. Okay?
Folk ]
[ Man ]
I can totally do
my own laundry.
Hey. Hey, what
are you doin' right now?
- Nick?
- Why? What's wrong?
You sound awful.
I'd love to see you, man,
but I've got
a young singles' mixer...
at the Museum
of Natural History tonight.
[ Baby Crying ]
I'm trying not to kill
my firstborn son.
Hey, do you want
to rock that with me,
wingman style?
I just can't really talk
right now,
but whatever it is,
we'll have drinks later
and we'll work it out.
No. Okay. All right.
Talk to you later.
Bye.
Hey.
Can I shoot with you
for a while?
No, man.
I'm practicing.
Come on, man.
Bet you can't
get it past me.
That all you got?
Man, don't you have
anything better to do
than play with a kid?
Oh, are you gonna play
the kid card?
Come on.
I thought you had
more than that.
[ Panting, Puffing ]
[ Groans ]
That was all right.
All right?
I've been workin' on that
for a year, man.
That's Zidane's move.
That's the roulette.
Who?
Zidane?
He's just, like,
the coolest player in--
[ Mutters ]
Ask your coach.
I don't got one.
I gotta go.
All right,
nice playin' with you.
[ Stella ]
All right, explain this
to me again.
[ Nick ]
Look, it's simple.
Zoe thinks that
I do nothing, and I have
no ambition. Right?
About which...
she has a point.
So, I get a job.
I have ambition.
She comes back to me.
By coaching kids' soccer?
Do you even know anything
about kids?
Well, I know a ton
about soccer.
And the kids'll love me.
How could they not?
Well, look at you.
You're a total sketchball.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Chuckling ]
Hey, that's my move.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
Okay, fine.
You do actually seem
to be inspired, so...
go get 'em, player.
What do you mean?
I mean ask
for a position.
What? When? Now?
How?
[ Laughs ]
Have you ever applied
for a job?
Um, yes.
Yes, when I was eight.
To be an astronaut.
I didn't get the gig.
Hold this.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
Job interview.
For you.
Tomorrow.
What did you do?
I asked.
[ Man ]
Girls' softball is,
as I'm sure you know,
very competitive.
It's kicking my ass.
Of course.
Okay, so,
what's your coaching style?
Fresh.
Well, I-I think that
it's a good thing for kids...
to learn how to, uh,
become part of something
that is bigger than themselves.
Learn to become part
of a larger unit.
Yeah.
And it's a beautiful game.
The world watches.
And the world doesn't
watch the World Series,
but they watch
the World Cup...
because it's
a unifying game.
It ties us all together--
Rich, poor, black, white,
short, fat,
girls and boys.
And the simplicity of it--
One ball, two goals,
22 players.
But within that,
endless possibility.
And most important,
you are a unit.
You act as one.
You are one.
That's teamwork.
That's what the greats do.
One player goes down,
you all go down.
And you can only win
by playing together.
And that's what
I'm gonna teach
all of you--
How to play this game
the way it was meant
to be played.
Any questions?
- Yo. Spell "icup."
- I-C--
[ Laughing ]
All right, settle down.
Settle down.
Any serious questions?
Yo, Coach,
you got a girlfriend?
Ha, ha. Very funny.
Very funny.
Hi. Hey, come here.
Why are you late, man?
'Cause I am.
Where are your cleats?
I don't have 'em.
Oh, so you're late and
you don't have your equipment?
Is there anything else?
Come on, man.
You know me.
Yeah, I know you.
The next time you're late--
next time anybody is late--
that'll be a lap.
You got it?
All right, back in line.
Thank you.
Where were we? Yes.
- Who's bringing the snacks
to practice?
- You are, fat boy.
- Snap. He said you're fat.
- No, no, no. None of that.
Come on.
- Are you gonna tell us
your name, or what?
- Sure.
My name is, uh, Coach.
- That's your name?
- Yeah.
Just Coach.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
Are we at a hooker bar?
Hey, how's
the coaching gig?
I'm sorry.
That girl looked
like a whore.
Does she not have a mother?
Don't be jealous.
It's really good.
Don't you have, like,
practice in the morning
or something?
This is so upsetting.
Do you want
another drink?
Mm-hmm.
- [ Girl ]
Coach, you're late.
- Yeah, sorry. Overslept.
You said anyone who's late
needs to run a lap.
No, no, no.
I'm the co--
[ Groans ]
Damn it!
[ All Laughing ]
[ Nick ]
Ten pass minimum.
Three touch max.
Penalty is a lap
around the field.
So, orange and yellow,
purple and red.
Let's do it.
Come on.
Let's do it!
Hey, uh--
What's your name?
Nate, yo.
Yeah, yeah. Nate.
You are gonna be
the official team photographer.
All right? Stick with me.
That's good, guys.
Keep it movin'.
Keep it movin'. Uh--
Yeah, all right.
Bring it in.
Bring it in.
I want you to use
the whole field, right?
Spread out.
And just--
just light touches, yeah?
Light touches.
Okay.
All right. One photo.
Nice.
Come on, guys.
[ Girl ]
Kick it over here!
Keep it movin'.
- Pass it.
- No more than three touches.
- Pass it!
- That's it. Keep--
- No. Hector,
pass the ball, man.
- [ Chattering ]
Hector, pass the ball.
[ Boy ]
He never passes the ball.
Are you kidding me?
Hector, did you not
hear the drill?
I scored.
Yeah, I saw that.
But why didn't you
pass 'em the ball?
'Cause they suck.
I mean, just give me the ball
and I'll score.
- I don't suck.
- Look, none of you suck.
Drop the attitude,
or I'm not gonna let you
play in the game tomorrow.
All right?
I guess I'm not
gonna play tomorrow.
Fine. Go home.
[ Mutters ]
All right.
Come on. Keep goin'.
[ Chattering ]
Come on right here.
[ Sighs ]
All right.
Keep passing, guys.
[ Panting ]
Ian!
That's good enough.
You can stop now.
No, Coach.
I only got one more to go.
[ Baby Fussing ]
So how's working life?
It's awesome.
I get to pimp out
in a track suit,
and I'm outside all the time.
I even don't mind
the kids.
Dude, stop checking
your phone.
[ Exhales ]
Now listen to me.
Being a coach is gonna
open up a whole new realm
of opportunity for you--
The realm of mom ass.
Having a cool whistle,
a cool coach persona--
You're gonna be able to rack up
some impressive numbers
in the over-30 set.
Do not blow this.
I did not take the job
for soccer moms.
I took the job
to get back with Zoe.
Huh? I already called her
to let her know.
School's out! Let's go!
[ Nick ]
All right.
[ Claps ]
Feelin' good?
Ready to win?
Yeah.
That's what I like to hear.
Oh! Look who decided
to show up, huh?
I hope your teammates
are okay with that.
You're not gonna win
today's game without me,
and I don't think
you wanna lose
your first game.
At least you're humble about it.
Take a seat.
[ Exhales ]
[ Chattering ]
All right, guys.
Guys, can I have a little--
A little quiet?
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Boy ]
Oh, who farted?
[ Children Snickering ]
Oh, come on.
Guys, please.
- [ Chattering ]
- Shut up!
When I call your name,
raise up your hand.
Ian.
Present.
Frankie.
Hey.
Juliette.
Here.
Oh, put
your stinky pits down!
[ Chattering, Laughing ]
Guys! Please--
Come on, man.
[ Cell Phone Ringing ]
Just-Just take your--
[ Chattering, Laughing
Continue ]
Yeah. Seen what?
Take your hand outta there.
Come on.
The billboards, man.
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
Sir? Go, go, go.
You don't know?
I thought you'd know,
'cause I'm always
the last one to know.
- Michael, what?
- Zoe is, like,
a total superstar.
There's posters
of her everywhere.
It's so awesome.
'Cause when you go out there
to visit her, you're so gonna
get to party with Hef.
[ Brakes Screech ]
Something wrong, Coach?
You look like somebody died.
- That-That's my girlfriend.
- She's pretty.
I didn't know
you had a girlfriend, Coach.
Oh, well, we're kinda
takin' a break right now.
Oh. Geez, I'm sorry.
No, no. No, no.
Just, like, a break.
Oh. Yeah. A break.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
[ Exhales ]
All right, guys--
Huddle up. Okay.
Um, look, I know
that we haven't
practiced much together,
but you guys have made
great progress,
and, uh, I just, um--
I just, uh, want you
to go out there and, uh,
uh-uh, try hard to, um--
[ Cell Phone Chimes ]
to win.
All right? So go do it.
Warm up 'cause, uh,
I-I gotta get this.
Right? Go, go.
Break-up text message?
Oh. Oh, well, screw you!
Screw you. Screw you.
[ Grunts ]
Uh-- I'm just, uh--
- I'm getting pumped up
for the game here.
- Screw. Screw you.
- Screw. Screw you.
- Oh, no. Nate--
Screw you.
Screw. Screw you.
[ Whistle Blows ]
Please let us not suck.
[ Boy ]
Over here!
[ Boy #2 ] Kick it!
- [ Whistle Blows ]
- [ Groans ]
[ Chuckling ]
I told you they were crap.
Yeah.
Actually, I'm kind of thinking
that I'm, uh--
It's just one game.
Right. I know.
It's just--
After that, I don't know
how much good I can do.
Kids seem
to really like you.
No, no, no.
They're great, but--
Know what?
You can't quit today.
It's payday.
[ Michael ]
This is a total blow, man. Wow.
The mansion--
So close.
Mm-hmm. Sure.
But, I mean,
on the bright side,
you got this job.
You're a coach,
which is very cool.
You just throw yourself
into it, man.
Mm-hmm.
Plus, one of 'em
might have a sister.
Rebound, dude. Rebound.
[ Nick ]
Oh, you should be
a therapist, Michael.
You gotta play hurt, bro.
You're a coach now.
People are counting on you.
[ Man ]
[ Chattering ]
[ Boy ]
Right here!
Hey, Andy.
It's another disaster.
Need drinks.
Gimme a call.
Hector, right here!
[ Whistle Blows ]
Hey.
Hey, break it up.
[ Man ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Break it up.
Break it up. Break it up.
Oh!
[ Whistle Blows ]
That kid's crazy.
Come on, take a walk.
Unbelievable.
Get back on the bench.
Come on.
[ Hector ]
It's fine.
Doesn't look fine.
You need an X-ray.
Where are your parents?
[ Cell Phone Chimes ]
Or is there someone
you can call?
Like a cousin or something?
Oh, wonderful.
Ma'am, do you have any idea
how long it's gonna take?
We've been here two hours.
[ Sighs ]
You saw how nobody
had your back in that fight?
That's what happens
when you're a shitty teammate,
you know?
[ Cell Phone Rings ]
Hey, Andy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I can't talk. Hold on.
Hector Ramirez.
Oh, great. Yes, yes.
Right there.
Come on in.
[ Nick ]
I know. I don't know.
Yeah, I'm nearby.
Yeah, I'm leavin' right now.
[ Woman On P.A. ]
Nurse Jackie needed
at the nurses' station.
Dr. Warner.
Paging Dr. Warner.
[ Groans ]
Friday nights don't get
much better than this, huh?
[ Chuckles ]
You look like a two to me.
Hey. Hey, Hector.
You gotta show 'em
your pain face, man.
Come on.
We've been waiting
for, like, three hours.
We gotta at least get
some good pills out of this.
Forget I said that.
Let me see, like, a--
Like, a four.
Come on, man. No, no.
It's more like, uh--
[ Door Opens ]
Mr. Ramirez?
No. No, that's Mr. Ramirez.
I was just being a four.
Pain face, man.
Pain face.
Okay, let's see that arm.
What happened?
He was tackled
by this big guido kid
playing soccer.
Caught him
with a pretty good left though.
Well, it's not broken.
Well, how can you tell?
Uh, right there--
There's bone bruising,
but no fracture.
Oh, that's so cool.
What is?
That you can read X-rays.
I know. Otherwise,
I'd just be guessing.
Yeah, I'm just saying
it's kind of impressive,
that's all.
[ Woman On P.A.,
Indistinct ]
I'll be right back.
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
-Lady doctor's hot, yo?
-Oh, yeah. You should ask her...
if she wants to come
see you play, man.
[ Scoffs ] What?
Yeah. Ask her to a game.
- No.
- Yes.
It's way too rexy.
I'm not doin' it.
Ask her to do it.
Just tell her
she saved your life--
Are you serious?
- I'll give you 20 bucks.
- Word?
So, ice
three times a day,
and if you feel pain,
just take a Tylenol.
Um, would--
Would you like to,
you know, come
see me play sometime?
That's really nice of you--
[ Laughs ]
but I never get
to leave the hospital.
Oh, man, that's too bad...
'cause, you know,
Coach thinks you're mad fly.
I gotta rock
the 14-year-old wingman
more often.
What's that?
The wingman?
Oh, man, that's important.
That's like the copilot,
the assistant.
He helps you get digits.
Yeah, maybe you need help
with that.
No, no, no.
That's the way it works.
You see, you're always
more attractive
to a girl...
when she sees you
with someone who
makes you look better.
Like with us, right?
I was all caring,
responsible guy,
and you were hurt, sad kid.
You made me better,
and now I got digits.
You see?
It's like soccer, Hec.
You can't do it alone.
And you-- You can make
a pretty decent wingman
when you want to. You feel me?
All right.
You good from here?
Yeah.
Coach?
Yeah, what's up?
Listen, um,
thanks for, you know,
waitin' around with me.
That's all right.
I didn't have
anything better to do.
Oh, no. Hey, Hec.
I-It was my pleasure, man.
It was my pleasure.
Folk ]
[ Sighs ]
[ Man ]
[ Phone Machine Beeps ]
[ Nick ]
Oh, hi. Hi.
It's, uh-- It's Nick Scanlon
from the hospital
the other night.
The kid with the arm?
Um, not me.
[ Chuckles ]
I wasn't the kid
with the arm. Um--
Anyway, I was just ringing
to see if you were gonna
make it to the game on Friday.
Really hope you are.
Uh, all right.
All right, bye.
All right, guys,
Hector has something
he would like to say to you all.
Yeah. Sorry I said
you guys suck.
You guys don't suck.
I mean, I'll pass
the ball more.
Oh! Oh, and Coach has
this hot lady doctor
for a girlfriend.
[ Laughing, Chattering ]
Gazonk, gazonk.
Coach got boo-tay.
You hittin' it
with her yet, Coach?
- What?
- Coach isn't like that.
He's romantic.
- Thank you, Juliette.
- Take her to Sizzler. They have
all-you-can-eat breakfast.
Girls don't wanna go
to no stupid Sizzler.
- You should take her to see
Alien Versus Predator II.
- I just saw that movie!
It's mad good, right?
Yeah.
Guys, these are all
really good ideas,
but we just met.
We haven't even kissed yet.
[ Chattering ]
Coach, on the real--
You know what's hot?
The opera--
With the fat people singin'
and all that.
That's not actually
a bad idea, Nate.
But can we practice now?
Can we?
All right?
That would be wonderful.
Come on.
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Whistle Blowing ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
All right, guys.
Come in. Come in.
Guys, you're runnin'
away from it.
You can't be scared
of the ball.
Um, Soccer's--
It's not just a sport, right?
It's-It's like an art.
You gotta treat the game
like you would treat a woman.
You know?
You gotta flow.
You can't just clunk
your way into her pants.
- [ Children Laughing ]
- Uh-- Bad choice of words,
all right?
Just-- Let's forget
I said that. Um--
I-It's like, uh--
It's like dancing
with somebody
you really like.
It's listening to each other
without talking.
It's knowing what
Juliette is gonna do
because of the look in her eyes.
It is reacting to a surprise
when Nate crosses the ball
too early.
[ Children Laugh ]
It's knowing
where you are in space...
at every moment.
It's putting it out there.
You know?
[ Nate ]
You O.D., Coach.
What's that mean?
It's good. It's powerful.
Oh. Right. Word.
[ Children Laugh ]
All right.
Sex Ed is over.
Let's try again.
Team two into positions.
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Laughing ]
After my wife gave birth,
I thought I was gonna
get it all the time.
Oh, God.
Yeah, right. Every guy claims
to have some girlfriend
that really likes it.
No woman actually likes it.
What are you
talking about?
I had a girlfriend
who used to ask for it
by name.
You asked for it
by name?
No, she did.
What do you mean?
Like "Bruce"?
Like "Give me the Bruce!"
Uh, no.
She had a name.
Where are you going?
Home.
What? We're talkin'
about... the Bruce here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How can you leave?
What, are you hiding?
Are you hiding a girl?
[ Chattering, Laughing ]
No. No, no. There's no girl.
There's no girl.
I have a game on Friday.
I gotta prepare.
Oh, no.
Look at how shady
Nick is being right now.
I am so proud of you.
You see what you've done?
You keep blowin' that whistle,
and the moms are gonna
flock to you...
like a Bed, Bath & Beyond
on a Saturday.
All right. All right.
Bye, guys.
No! Come back.
[ Stella ]
Lame!
It's definitely a girl.
Right?
You're kidding.
What time is his game on Friday?
I don't know.
Good question.
Hmm.
[ Indistinct Conversations ]
These joints
are expensive.
You're not gonna be
doing the roulette
without the proper gear, dude.
What size?
So, any of your family
gonna come to the game?
No, they can't make it.
Why not?
I don't know. Stuff.
Coach, is that hot lady doctor
swingin' through tomorrow,
or what?
Hope so.
So, what do you do
when you're not
coaching, Coach?
I don't know.
I write a little.
I, uh-- I hang out
with my friends.
Just... stuff. You know.
No, I mean--
I mean, like,
what's your real job?
This is my real job.
Pay coaches a lot, huh?
Oh!
[ Chuckles ]
I just have, uh,
some-- some money
of my own.
You're rich?
I don't know.
What's rich?
Like, could you fly
to Hawaii?
Yeah, I'm rich.
Oh, thank you.
When I was, uh,
a little bit older
than you are now, Hector,
my dad died.
Had a heart attack,
and, um--
He used to work all the time.
Like, he really
never stopped working,
and he worked so hard
that he saved up
a whole lot of money,
and when he died, he left
most of that money to me.
Team's gonna be so jealous.
Oh, well, I'll take care
of them too.
Don't worry.
Kick it over here!
[ Boy ]
Over here, Juliette!
[ Whooping, Laughing ]
[ Girl ]
Over here, Hector.
[ Nick ]
Move up! Move up!
Come on!
[ Michael ]
Go, team! Go!
[ Stella ] Whoo!
[ Chattering ]
[ Nick ]
Chin up, guys. Tired?
- Ian?
- No, I'm okay.
All right.
Hector, I want you to make
some long runs, okay?
Juliette, look for him,
'cause he can take
that defender on the fly.
"Defense," on three.
[ Together ]
One, two, three-- Defense!
Go.
What's wrong, Frankie?
I can't play
left wing no more.
Well, why not?
'Cause of Juliette.
Uh, explain.
She's hot.
Uh-huh. Uh--
And... sometimes I get--
Um, during--
During the game?
Yeah, and I think she saw.
Um--
Well, let's, uh--
Let's make you a right back
from now on, huh?
Thanks, Coach.
Sure, sure.
Hey, Frankie.
Um, happens to the best
of us, man.
[ Laughs ]
[ Chattering ]
[ Boy ]
Hector!
All right, Ian!
[ Cheering ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
All right, Ian!
Look at that happy fat kid.
[ Whistle Blowing ]
[ Cheering ]
We tied.
We tied.
[ Laughing, Chattering ]
Hey, what happened
to your lady friend?
There is no lady.
Dude, you were
checking the bleachers
every five minutes.
[ Laughs ]
Was it that obvious?
Aww.
Aww.
[ Exhales ]
I don't know
what happened to her.
Call her again.
The double call is cool
if you really like her.
Michael.
What?
Sometimes you really
distress me.
Nick, don't ever
be like Michael.
Ouch.
I don't know, dude.
The double call
is a little lame.
[ Rapping ]
Not as lame as that.
[ Cheering ]
Thank you all.
[ Sighs ]
[ Exhales ]
Hi. Hey, Gabrielle.
Nick?
Yeah.
It's 4:00 in the morning.
Did you-- How--
Why do you have flowers?
Listen, I just
want you to know...
that I don't care that
you didn't come to the game,
but the children
were really
looking forward to it.
Well, tell the children
that I was planing on coming,
but I got paged
and I had to go.
Really?
You were really gonna come?
It was under, uh, consideration.
[ Laughing ]
Awesome.
But I don't know.
You might be
too cheesy for me.
Come on. Flowers?
It was kind of cute,
how nervous you just got.
Tuesday?
I have a shift.
Bear in mind
that if you don't say yes,
I'm just gonna
come back tomorrow, drunker.
Well, in that case,
maybe I can get someone
to cover.
Works for me.
Okay.
Okay.
Can I go?
Can I get you a taxi?
Okay.
Just so you know,
I'm gonna have
a restraining order...
in my pocket the whole time.
I think that's actually
a very good idea.
What's the matter?
I wanted to be
your wingman.
[ Laughs ]
Michael,
I'm taking a girl.
What?
Yeah.
Ooh. To singles' night?
Crafty.
[ Nick ]
Zinedine Zidane. That is
the roulette properly done.
[ Hector ]
Dope.
He came out of retirement--
Single-handedly took France
to the World Cup final in '06.
And they would have won
if he hadn't head-butted
this guy.
Huh?
Well, that was why
he got thrown out of the game.
Apparently, some guy
bad-mouthed his sister,
so, you know,
he head-butted him.
Oh, man,
it's his sister.
Right?
But... they lost?
Yeah.
[ Chuckling ]
Yeah.
It kinda cost 'em the game.
Still, pretty awesome.
I mean, he carried the team
on his back.
Coach, um--
You know how you said
that... your dad died?
Yeah.
My mom--
My mom died too.
Oh, geez, Hec.
I-- I didn't know.
Yeah.
[ Chuckles ]
That's how come
I was late to practice.
I gotta be home a lot
to babysit my little sisters
and stuff.
Mm-hmm.
And my dad gets home
real late from work.
Whenever he gets home,
he's mad tired,
so it's like--
That's how come
he can never
come see me play.
Did your mom
ever see you play?
[ Chuckles ]
One time, but...
I didn't score.
[ Chuckles ]
My dad came
to see me play one time.
High school.
We were a goal down.
I was in a one-on-one
with the goalie.
About to score.
I looked up, and I saw him
on the sidelines.
And he'd never been
to a game before.
I was so surprised
to see him there
that I just froze where I was,
and-and stared at him.
What happened?
Keeper took the ball.
[ Chuckles ]
Booted it downfield,
and they scored on us.
Yeah. I didn't care though.
I was just so happy
that he came.
Damn.
At least he left you
all that money.
[ Chuckles ]
Yeah, he did.
Dads can be tricky, huh?
What?
Aw, nothin'.
[ Nick ]
Very nice.
Hurry, Hector.
[ Nate ]
What's up, player?
How's things with you
and your jump off?
Well, actually, Nate,
we have a date tomorrow night.
Word?
That's right.
I'm taking my jump off
to the opera.
That's what I'm sayin'.
You keep listening
to the Nate dog, you'll
be hittin' it in no time.
[ Laughs ]
In Italian ]
[ Gabrielle ]
I forgot how pretty it is here.
Oh, um, there's something
I should probably tell you
before we go any further.
Fat people singing?
I know.
True. And it is,
uh, singles' night.
You do that?
[ Laughing ]
No. No. I don't--
I don't do it.
My friend Michael does it.
People do it. He does it.
But I don't do it
because I'm
extremely charming.
[ Laughs ]
I bet I get
more numbers than you.
It's not a competition.
With Chorus ]
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
I'm a surgeon.
What do you do?
[ Chattering ]
So, are you, uh,
enjoying the opera,
Sandy?
I'm Nick.
Um, could-could I perhaps
get your number to continue this
conversation some other time?
I don't think so.
You're not the type of guy
who would ever call me.
Fair enough. Yeah.
Put that on your yacht--
Hi! I'm Nick.
Hi, Nick, nice to meet you.
This is Brian.
Brian is
a hedge fund manager.
What do you do?
I'm a soccer coach.
We were sort of talkin' here.
It's kind of against the rules.
- Easy, Bri.
- Bri? I don't even
know you, bro.
Now, now, boys,
a little friendly competition
never hurt anybody.
Brian, why don't you
give me your number...
and we'll call it even.
Sweet.
Call me.
Okay.
Nice to meet you.
[ Tones Chime Over P.A. ]
Yeah, well, I... guess
that means you win, huh?
[ Laughs ]
I think maybe I'm just
not used to being awake
when I'm not at work.
Uh-huh. It's a shame,
because it was
a scintillating performance.
Oh, and you snored.
No!
Yeah, but it added
to the whole experience.
I'll make it up to you.
No.
Yes.
Not Brian.
Mm-hmm.
Morris?
Morris likes you.
No, Morris liked you.
He told me.
Yeah, well,
I've got his card.
I do think I met
one nice guy though.
Hope he calls.
I think he will.
I have to go.
I traded shifts and I said
I'd be there at midnight.
Thank you.
Hey, leave 'em on.
Let's see the roulette.
Huh?
What's the matter?
I gotta quit the team.
What?
Yeah. My dad hurt his back
while he was at work.
So, I gotta get a job
while he's not working.
Well, says who?
My dad.
You're our best player,
Hec. We can't win
without you.
I have no other choice,
Coach.
I mean, a man's gotta step up.
You know?
Take care of his family and all.
Let me take care of it.
I'll talk to him, okay?
All right,
that'd be cool.
[ Vehicle Horns Honking ]
[ Door Unlocking, Opening ]
Hi. I'm Nick Scanlon,
Hector's coach.
Ramon. Nice to meet you.
Likewise, yeah.
I'm sorry to hear
about your back.
[ Girls Giggling ]
Mija, cierre la puerta.
It's--
[ Baby Crying ]
You want-- You want some water?
Oh, no, thank you.
I'm good.
Um, I came by because
Hector told me that
he has to quit the team.
Yeah. Man,
my freakin' back.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Um, have you talked
to a lawyer?
'Cause if you hurt your back
at your place of work--
Oh, yeah.
Yeah?
Come on. Come on.
Have a seat.
Oh, thank you.
[ Speaking Spanish ]
Okay?
So he has to get
a job, huh?
Uh, yeah.
But that's okay.
He's a man now.
Yeah.
And he needs to--
needs to help out, you know.
It's just that he's so good.
And the team really
relies on him.
You know, if there was some way
you could see your way
to letting him play,
that would mean a lot.
A lot to who? You?
No, to him.
No. It's not just about him.
No, no, of course not.
I mean, I suppose what
I'm really asking...
is can we figure out
some way that he would
be able to keep playing?
'Cause it would mean a lot--
sure, to me and to him
and to the team--
Nick, right?
Right.
Nick--
[ Groans ]
Nick, I-I wish, you know.
But what can I do?
We need the money.
And he needs to pitch in.
Well, can I help?
I could float you
a loan or something.
I can't take your money.
No, no, of course not.
Um, what if I hire him?
Like how?
Well, I-I could pay
for his time at practice.
But he'd help me
with the team.
He'd be like my, uh--
my assistant coach.
Yeah, yeah.
He could get the balls
and do the nets,
and that way
he'd still be getting paid,
but-but-but he'd be playing.
We don't take handouts
in this family.
No, no, it's not a handout.
He would be working
for his money.
For now.
Yeah, yeah.
What about
a year from now,
when you're someplace else?
The answer's no.
Ramon, it's taking something
really special away from him.
What, you telling me
how to be a father now?
I'm not--
Listen, look.
The kid's gotta learn...
that we don't all have
the same advantages.
I-I-I just want him
to play.
It's not gonna happen.
Not like this.
[ Boy ]
Kick it to me, Frankie.
[ Juliette ]
Um, Coach?
Hey, Jules.
Look, I need to talk
to Hector for a second,
okay?
How come you moved Frankie
to right back?
Uh, well, because
he's a better defender.
No, he's not.
Yeah. Uh, well, no.
But I wanted to try it
because I had a hunch.
You suck at lying, Coach.
Okay, fine.
Now, look, he likes you.
He does?
Yes. You move him in--
in uncontrollable ways.
But just keep it on the D.L.,
'cause it's a boy thing.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
Uh-huh?
That's it.
[ Laughs ]
[ Boy ]
Over here, Juliette!
[ Juliette ]
Kick it harder.
Hey, Hector!
So, as my assistant coach,
you show up early,
you sort out the nets,
you get out the cones,
you stretch out
the other players.
And then at the end
of practice, you clean up.
That's the job.
My dad was cool with that?
Well, I'll be honest.
He-He wasn't
totally cool with it,
but-but once he sees
that you get to work
and play as well,
then it's not gonna
be a problem.
Just for the moment, if he asks,
tell him that you work at,
like, Blockbuster or something.
You want me
to lie to my dad?
No, it's not a lie, really.
Because you are working,
right?
And dads are tricky,
remember?
Look, sometimes it is best
not to say something.
Trust me, okay?
All right.
All right, okay.
- [ Whistle Blows ]
- Move up! Move up!
- [ Juliette ] Pass it.
- Ref, come on.
[ Whistle Blows ]
Yes!
[ Nick ]
Come on! Come on, guys!
[ Nick ]
Quick pass.
- [ Whistle Blows ]
- Whoo!
[ Nick ]
Okay, guys. Good play.
[ Chorus ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Chorus ]
Yes!
[ Chorus ]
Whoo!
She's not gonna make it.
Ah, some kid nailed
his hand to a 2-by-4
and she has to cover.
Yet another reason
to go for a mom.
They don't have jobs.
I kinda like it.
You do?
Yeah. She's got her thing.
I've got mine.
All is good.
[ Michael ]
And her thing would be
that she's not real?
Well, it's a shame
'cause that kid's about to go
into cardiac arrest.
Stella, be nice.
[ Boy ]
They're really big.
[ Juliette ]
And they got shiny uniforms.
[ Nick ]
It's not the uniforms
that make the team.
It's the shoes.
[ Players Laugh ]
Nice!
Excuse me?
Um,
I was just wondering
if I could have
your autograph?
Um, I guess.
Here. Just right...
here.
If any girls ever give you
a hard time, call me.
Okay.
[ Sighs ]
[ Nick ]
Move up. Move up!
[ Boy ] Over here, Hector.
[ Juliette ]
Hector, I'm open.
[ Boy #2 ]
Hector! Kick it over here.
Shoot it!
[ Whistle Blows ]
Nice try, Jules.
Nice shot!
That's my sister.
No way.
She's-- She's awesome.
Unlucky.
Thanks. Awesome pass.
I'm Gretchen.
Uh, uh, Michael.
Hi.
[ Chattering ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Man ]
Let's go!
Heartbreaking loss.
Can you believe it,
Bruce? Bruce?
Uh, so, uh, maybe next game
I'll see you here.
Totally.
Oh, great.
Okay, it's a date then.
[ Mockingly ]
"It's a date then."
Ow.
Guys, cheer up.
You played well.
We should have won though.
I should have scored.
Guys, don't be down.
We're almost there.
We'll win next time.
All right? All right?
All right,
now hit the showers.
That's gay, Coach.
We don't shower at school.
It's an expression.
It means "take off."
Go on!
All right, bye, guys.
[ Boy ]
See ya, Coach.
Peace out, Nate.
Hey, Hector.
You played well today.
Yeah. I mean,
we could have won.
Yeah, maybe.
But, you know,
it's over now.
And, uh, we'll take
the next one. Huh?
Yeah.
Listen. There's 400.
Give your dad 200 this week,
200 the next. Okay?
All right.
All right.
Good work this week.
- Hey!
- I'm sorry I missed the game.
No.
I'm not really--
[ Sighs ]
I'm not really used
to having a life.
[ Chuckles ]
How did we do?
[ Andy ]
Busted!
- You're not allowed
to dump me for this.
- This must be the little lady.
You were robbed, by the way.
That ref's a total pole smoker.
Hi. I'm-- I'm Andy.
How are you?
Nice to meet you.
Gabrielle.
Ah.
[ Gabrielle ]
So I started going through
my checklist,
and I x-ray him,
poke around his abdomen,
which is severely distended.
You're smart.
[ Laughs ]
[ Michael ]
You are not.
[ Gabrielle ]
And we figured
his appendix burst.
So I started getting him
prepped for surgery.
And when I go to check
his airway, the tube slides
right on down.
I mean, this guy's throat
was enormous.
But I don't think
anything of it at the time.
So, he's all prepped,
and Radiology brings in
the films.
And they put them up
on the light board.
And right there...
in this guy's stomach...
is a size nine...
Chuck Taylor All Star.
[ Michael ]
What?
- The shoe?
- The shoe.
[ All Laughing ]
We cut him open
and I pull out the shoe.
It's dripping with bile.
[ All Groan ]
The guy was
a sword swallower--
Oh, no.
that was practicing
enlarging his esophagus.
Well, one question.
How did you know
it was a size nine?
- [ Andy ] Good question.
- Mm-hmm.
We made one of the
male nurses try it on.
[ Michael ] Of course.
There it is.
Oh, I like you so much
more than poster girl.
Oh!
Sorry.
[ Laughs ]
Yeah.
Listen, I have
a question.
You're hot.
You're almost 30.
You're a doctor.
You, um-- You tell
awesome stories about guys
who swallow sneakers.
Um, you've got the ass
of a 19-year-old.
[ Laughs ]
So,
what on earth
are you doing
sitting here with me?
I might just like you.
Yeah, but why
are you even available
to like me?
Why don't you invite me
over sometime?
'Cause the place
isn't really ready
for visitors... yet.
When will it be ready?
How 'bout Saturday night?
Hmm. Saturday's good.
Come on, you wuss.
Coach, is this really
strength training?
Watch the corners, guys.
[ Sighs ]
This is a disaster. She'll
be here in 15 minutes.
Yeah, you should hit
the showers, Coach. Let your
assistant handle this.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Come on in.
Remember Hector?
Hi, Hector.
Hey, lady doc.
So, uh, thanks for
all the help.
You all right getting home?
Um, can't be home till 10:00.
Supposed to be
at Blockbuster.
Right. Um--
I'll uh-- I can pay
for a movie or something.
Or you could stay
for dinner.
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
Now--
Hey, buddy.
Time to go.
Uh-uh.
All right, 10 minutes.
[ Mutters ]
[ Nick Sighs ]
[ Gabrielle Whispering ]
I'll see you in the morning.
My man, you are fired.
[ Door Closes ]
Where's Hector?
Uh, he got up early
and had to go.
Well, that's convenient.
Mmm. Sorry, buddy.
Gotta go to work.
Oh, God.
[ Chuckles ]
Hey, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
For your troubles.
Whoa.
Really?
You know, what the hell.
It'd be nice to see you.
Okay.
Okay. Well, allow me
to walk you downstairs.
You sure about this?
[ Phone Beeps ]
[ Nick ] I'm totally happy
to walk you downstairs.
[ Laughs ]
[ Gabrielle ]
The key.
[ Door Opens ]
[ Nick ]
No, too late now.
[ Door Closes ]
[ Nick ]
Frankie, you seen Hector today?
Nope.
Keep going, guys.
Looking good.
Coach?
Hey, what's up?
Well, I've been thinking
a lot about some of the things
you've been telling us...
about soccer...
and liking someone.
Mm-hmm.
And, um,
there's something
I'm kind of confused about.
Okay.
You always kinda talk about
boys liking other girls
and girls liking boys.
And, like, you have
a girlfriend--
Who's really pretty,
by the way.
Well, thank you.
But--
But what if
you're a girl...
and you-- you like--
Yeah, okay, say no more, Jen.
I got it. Um--
Here's the thing.
It doesn't matter if you like
boys or girls.
It is--
It's finding the right person.
You know?
That is one of life's
great mysteries.
But when that person
comes along, you'll know.
And-- And everyone else
that you have ever been with
will just pale in comparison.
And it won't matter what
anyone else says or thinks...
because you'll be happy.
And you'll know.
Plus, you're 14.
Does that make any sense?
I think.
It's kind of confusing, huh?
Yeah.
Well--
Go ahead and be confused
for a while.
Don't tell anybody.
Okay.
[ Ramon ]
Hey, Coach!
Coach!
[ Clears Throat ]
Ramon--
[ Gasps ]
Calm down, okay?
You tried to buy my son?
No, no. Look, let me explain.
He wanted to work--
You're gonna give him money.
Have a little sleepover
in your house?
No, no, it's not like that.
Come on--
You are not his father!
We don't need your money.
We don't need your help.
We don't want your help.
This is my family.
Do you understand me?
Yes, I do. And I'm sorry.
You better be.
I'm gonna have your ass.
Just-- Just get going, guys.
We're-- We're done for today.
[ Gabrielle ]
That kid trusted you.
They all trust you.
Look, Hector loves to play.
That is the only time
he's happy.
And plus, he could get
a scholarship. That's what
the kid should be doing.
Yeah, but you talked
to his father. And he said no.
Those are the rules, Nick.
His father is wrong.
That's not up to you.
You gave a 14-year-old
a wad of cash and told him
to lie to his dad.
You don't see
a problem there?
Oh, my God.
Nobody ever taught you
these things, did they?
Well, I'm not gonna help you
feel better about this,
if that's what you want.
I have to go.
Hey!
Hey.
It's good--
Give me a hug.
[ Kisses Face ]
You look good.
You look tan.
Yeah. Well,
I'm outside a lot.
Right, the job.
Uh-huh.
Right. I'm impressed.
Really.
Can I come up?
Zoe.
Just to warm up.
Then I'll go.
- Wow, the place looks great.
- [ Chuckles ] Yeah.
Well, I got rid of
a lot of the old stuff.
Hey, I'm sorry.
I was pissed.
You can't blame me, right?
[ Coat Clatters On Floor ]
Why are you here?
[ Laughs ]
The Soccer Coaching Bible.
How do you beat
a five-man wall?
Love letters.
Wait. Why are you not
cashing these?
'Cause I work.
This is no good.
I know.
No. No, no, no.
I'm not doing this.
I don't want you here
when I get back.
[ Mutters ]
Wait, wait.
Gabrielle, come on.
[ Panting ]
Look, I know. I know,
all right. But I stopped it
from happening.
Really?
Yeah.
I thought maybe you did
understand certain things,
like it's okay for two adults
to have a disagreement...
and then not go hook up
with their exes.
I guess not.
Upper West Side.
Wait, wait, wait.
Let me explain, all right?
You must be drunk again.
Let go.
[ Nick ]
Okay, let's huddle it up.
[ Woman ]
I've got some bad news.
Mr. Scanlon won't be back.
Who's Mr. Scanlon?
[ Frankie ]
Coach, man. Coach!
Is this 'cause
of the thing
with Hector's dad?
The good news is that
I'm gonna help out
in between girls' softball.
Now, we're only one game
out of first place.
Even though we're
gonna have to cut down
on some practice time,
I still think that we can
be ready for Westfield
on Tuesday.
So, what usually happens first?
[ Boy ]
Oh, are you kidding me?
Hey.
Hey.
Two things.
I know I'm a complete asshole.
And secondly,
I brought you a cupcake.
A cupcake?
Just stick around for
three minutes, all right?
Hear me out.
You know, I don't have
three minutes for you.
You want the cupcake?
[ Mutters ]
Come around this way
into the middle. And--
- What up, bitches?
- Whoa.
Are you all right?
What's wrong?
Yeah, I am.
You know, it doesn't change.
I tried, Stella,
but people don't want
you to change.
So I'm cashing my checks
and I'm getting everyone
wasted tonight.
Hey, look at me.
What happened? What's wrong?
You mean, like the part
where, um, I made out
with Zoe,
or Gabrielle walking in
while it was happening?
Or the part about
getting fired 'cause
I was paying one of my players?
What?
That's not cool, bro.
[ Andy ]
Let's get him home.
[ Michael ]
Whoa!
[ Groaning ]
[ Coughs ]
[ Stella ]
How's your head?
- What are you doing here?
- Stayed over.
[ Groans ]
Oh, God! We didn't--
Please.
[ Groans ]
[ Sighs ]
Today is the big day.
The game for first place.
Yes.
But--
Yeah, I know. I know.
[ Whistle Blows ]
Okay, huddle up.
Let's go.
Okay, Frankie, I'm gonna
move you up to striker.
But coach made me
a back.
Yeah, but you're very fast.
And you're much better
up there with Juliette.
Hey, where--
where you guys goin'?
We've got a big game today.
It's not really
gonna do it, is it? No.
[ Laughs ]
No--
[ Knocking ]
Frankly, Gabrielle
was probably right to ditch me.
[ Muffled ]
I don't think that's true.
Coach, we need to talk.
[ Frankie ]
We need you against
Westfield, Coach.
And Mr. Buehl doesn't know
where to put us,
if you know what I mean.
[ Nate ]
'Cause, yo, it's like you said
the first day at practice.
We're a unit.
We act as one. We think as one.
[ Nick ]
I said that?
[ Boy ] Yeah. Remember?
Guys, I would love to,
but Mr. Buehl and I agreed
that I wouldn't come back.
Man, that's some walk-up.
[ Panting ]
Feelin' all right, Coach?
Yeah. A little hungover,
but it'll pass.
Keep your mally, Coach.
Keep your mally.
Uh, guys, I want you
to go on ahead without me
and warm up, okay?
I gotta make one more stop.
Just cover for me.
I promise I'll be there
by kickoff.
[ Buehl ]
Okay, guys, let's go.
[ Gabrielle ]
It's a little sad, isn't it,
that he sent you?
No, he didn't.
I came on my own.
Well, that's sweet,
but he's a big boy.
No, he's not, actually.
[ Pager Beeps ]
But he is getting there.
Is that supposed to
make me feel better?
No, of course not.
I can't make you feel better.
I just think that you guys
are amazing...
and I've never seen him
like this before.
And I think that you guys
have fun.
Fun doesn't necessarily
equal a good idea.
I know. I mean, trust me.
I dated some guy who brought
a pet cobra to parties.
It was fun,
but it was a very bad idea.
You and Nick are not that.
I don't have time
to wait for him
to grow up, Stella.
He's changing, really.
And it-it might not be
because of you,
but it's definitely for you.
I have to get back to work.
[ Sighs ]
I have something to say to you.
Well, say it.
You wanna let me in?
You can say what
you're gonna say right here.
Fine, fine.
You know whose Hector's
favorite player is?
Zidane.
And you showed him--
No, no.
He's my favorite player.
Hector doesn't have one.
At least not that I know of.
So?
So, he's 14 years old.
He should have his own
favorite player.
[ Sighs ]
Look, I-I know I screwed up.
All right? Going behind
your back. And I will take
the fall for that.
And I know that we have
different realities.
Our lives are very different.
But here's the thing.
Hector is a kid.
Playing makes him happy.
And I think you would be
incredibly proud...
to see him on the field.
He shouldn't
have to grow up so soon.
And I know-- trust me,
I know that growing up
too late is a problem.
So is growing up too early.
Ah, that's it.
[ Whistle Blows ]
Coach isn't here yet.
You gotta do something.
What do you want me
to do about it?
Something!
[ Ian ]
Rule 34.2-A of the Junior
Scholastic Soccer Manual.
Are you kidding me?
His dad's a lawyer.
You better do
what he says.
Fine. A uniform inspection.
Hurry up.
I need to see the cleats
and the shin guards as well.
[ Whistle Blows ]
Cleats. Shin guards.
There's your cleats.
What's going on out there?
Shin guards. Cleats.
Ian!
All right, we're good.
Thanks.
How'd you know
about that rule?
Oh, that? I made that up.
Ian!
[ Laughs ]
This is it--
what we've been working for--
the big game.
We win this
and we're in first place.
Now you guys are here
because you deserve to be here.
So then it's very simple.
Two goals, one ball,
our side, their side,
and who wants it the most.
That's all it is.
"Team," on three.
One--
[ All ]
Two, three.
Team!
[ Shouting, Chattering ]
[ Boy ]
Kick it right here.
[ Boy #2 ]
Pass the ball!
- Push!
- Come on!
[ Man ]
[ Crowd Chattering ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Cheering ]
[ Crowd Cheering ]
[ Frankie Shouts ]
[ Whistle Blows ]
- [ Cheering ]
- [ Crowd Cheering ]
You guys are playing
the best I've ever seen.
Forty more minutes.
You got that in you?
Yeah? Forty minutes
and we take this thing home.
Just like we've been doing
all season.
Pay attention to each other.
You move for each other.
You play for each other.
And that's all that matters.
We're a unit, right?
We're one.
And that's how we win.
Hey.
Hey.
How you doing?
Whoo! Yeah, Ian!
[ Players Shouting ]
- Go, go, go, go!
- [ Players Shouting ]
[ All Groan ]
- [ Mouths Words ]
[ Players Shouting ]
- [ Whistle Blows ]
- [ Crowd Groans ]
[ Woman ]
Come on, guys.
Ref, how much time
we got left?
About a minute.
Cool.
That's all we need.
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Shouting Angrily ]
[ Referee ]
Penalty kick for M.S. 131!
[ Nick ]
Go on, guys.
Go on. Go back out.
You all right?
Walk it off?
[ Sighs ]
Yeah, I think so.
You see?
Told you he'd come.
Just took some time.
[ Mouths Word ]
Better make it.
No, Hector, it doesn't matter.
Coach, one goal ties.
Your dad didn't come
to see you score.
He came to see you play.
All these people--
Look at 'em.
Hmm?
Just came to see us play.
All right.
I'm still gonna score.
Take your kick.
Hi.
Hi.
I had to know how it ended.
We're about to find out.
[ Whistle Blows ]
[ Man ]