Coca-Cola Kid, The (1985) Movie Script
G'day, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to Australia.
As you know...
Australia is an island
which has been isolated...
from many dangerous
animal and plant diseases.
The cabin area is now being
sprayed by quarantine officers.
This is an essential precaution
against the insects...
which might
otherwise introduce...
human or agricultural diseases
into Australia.
Please ensure
that you remain seated...
until the spraying is completed.
lf you experience discomfort
from aerosol sprays...
we suggest you place
a handkerchief...
over your nose and mouth.
Thank you for your attention.
A gentleman to see you.
Frank Hunter?
Becker. Atlanta, Georgia, USA.
Who from where?
Becker. Atlanta, Georgia.
Straight from the airport.
Just dropped my cargo bag
and stuff at a hotel...
and came right here.
This is beautiful.
l'm pleased to meet you, Becker.
What can l do for you?
l was to report
to you today, wasn't l?
-Telex just arrived.
-Thank you.
Excuse me.
Sit down, please.
Yes. lt's all here.
You beat your assignment papers.
l like a man who arrives
before his print-out.
l just never understand...
why these telexes
always arrive damp.
Well, Becker, they call you--
for my eyes only--
''A brilliant troubleshooter.''
That's about right.
My only problem is
l'm not aware...
that we're
in any kind of trouble.
Well, that's why l'm here.
l'm sorry.
l guess everybody has trouble.
We have a month.
What for?
To get a job done.
To find firstly,
where the trouble is...
secondly, why it is...
thirdly, devise a strategy...
and four, act.
lt sounds simple.
lt is.
You'll see.
Can l offer you something--
coffee, tea?
Yes. Please.
Which would you like?
Coffee or tea?
Yeah, that's fine with me--
coffee or tea.
Thanks.
How are you, little guy?
OK, little guy.
Your breakfast, sir.
Welcome to Australia.
Everybody's happy
to see you here, sir.
l won't say who or why,
according to instructions.
Take care of your jet lag, sir,
and have a very, very nice day.
What the hell was that?
l took about six hours
straight through.
Buy your Australian here!
Get your Australian here!
What d'you wanna buy?
What are you reading?
Get your Australian here!
Get your Tatts Lotto
weekly numbers!
Excuse me, sir, do you sell
American newspapers?
American newspapers?
This is Australia, mate.
We sell Australian papers.
Well, that would be
appropriate, yes.
Right on.
Take it or leave it.
l'll leave it. Thanks.
G'day, Mr. Becker.
-Hello.
-Have a nice day.
Mr. Hunter told me l'll be
working as your secretary...
while you're here.
Well, that's just fine.
lt's almost 9:00.
l'll see you at the office.
Oh, right. See you.
Frank, can we talk now?
Come in, Fred.
Shut the door.
Frank, what's going on?
Our advice from headquarters
is ''Listen to him.
''Don't get angry.
''Don't get scared, either.
''And do not be surprised.''
How am l supposed
not to get surprised...
when he walks into my office
and asks can he borrow a bible?
They call him ''Whiz Kid.''
They advise don't try
to understand him.
They don't.
They just know he doubles
and triples sales in no time.
He asked me
if l'd ever heard anything...
l'd call an Australian sound.
Did you?
''And you should know,
Coca-Cola is sold...
''in 155 nations
across the world...
''and it is the same drink
everywhere.
''We have more markets
than the United Nations.''
''Every day,
''pause for that moment
of refreshment...
''that unparalleled moment--''
Underline ''unparalleled.''
Well, if you don't want
to understand what my point is.
OK, what's your point?
lf men and women
are gonna work together...
something might happen.
l don't want to hear that.
''Let there be
no misunderstanding.
''Our policies and strategies...
''will be dictated
by the needs and desires...
''of the consuming public.''
''Needs and desires...''
Needs and desires of what?
Maybe you're just not
interested in women.
Do you hear that sound?
lt's a very specific sound.
Get your truth here.
Words on every page.
Girls and news.
Cartoons and girls.
Cartoons, girls, and news.
All the news!
Excuse me, sir.
l would love
to have your picture--
And your sound.
You're going to use me
in the movies?
Yes! Movie.
My phone number.
lf l'm not here, the fellas
know where to find me.
Ring me agent.
Mr. Joe.
Thank you very much.
You may be asking yourselves...
''What is an ex-Marine doing
on this side of the globe?''
Well, as you may
or may not know...
Marines fall on every continent
on the face of the earth...
except Australia, so here l am.
First, we have
to ask ourselves...
do we need to explain
our product to the public?
Last year in Rome...
l had a chance to talk
with one of the top guys...
in the Jesuit hierarchy,
and he told me...
he said they consider us--
excuse me, miss,
your feet belong on the floor--
they consider us,
in bringing God's business...
of good will and good news
to the people...
no less than second
to themselves...
in this whole wide
God-fearing world. Yes.
They see us as the smart guys...
who distribute and sell
the miracle of America.
And that's exactly what we are.
When you have a product
with charisma...
you don't have to explain
a goddamn thing, no.
Here you go, honey.
You need only
bring it to the people.
Good catch.
Try to analyze it,
and you'll end up...
with ''dark color,
cold, wet, and bubbly.''
Come on.
That is no way to explain...
what getting in touch
with the American way of life...
really means
to billions of people.
Listen--the sound of Coke.
Mmm ! Dark and bubbly.
Why our dark and bubbly liquid
is so loved...
by all those Eskimos
and other Canadians...
we don't need to know.
We need only just
to bring it to the people.
All right.
OK. Here we are.
Sorry about that.
lt won't take a sec.
Whenever you're ready,
Mr. Projectionist.
Just getting the focus.
This is quite
a pretty effect, Daryl.
We're working on it.
Let us look
at available charts...
of crosscheck points
and social activities...
of our selling outlets,
shall we?
Excuse me, please.
Sorry, boss.
Frank, have them
take it back again.
Take it back, Fred.
Well, how far back do you want?
As far as it takes, Fred.
Could you take that back,
please, Daryl.
Fred, give me a break.
The other way.
More.
-Stop.
-Stop!
Frank, what is that
wide gap there?
ls that a per capita
consumption chart?
Yes, that's right.
l don't know what's there.
Must be a national park
or maybe a desert.
We should be selling in
national parks and in deserts.
People tend to get thirsty
in deserts, Fred.
Maybe it's uninhabited.
l have a hunch there must be
somebody there.
All right.
Take me in for a closer look.
Give me churches...
schools, bars...
Oh, that would be
Anderson Valley.
Playgrounds,
supermarkets, cemeteries.
See? There is
a living population there.
A few thousand maybe.
lt's pretty isolated.
Well, they have throats.
l mean,
they must drink something.
There used to be a soft-drink
man down there, but...
that was a long time ago now--
Well, what the hell is he,
Frank, a Pepsi man?
Frank, l asked you a question.
There's no Pepsi or Coke
in Anderson Valley, l'm afraid.
How come she knows that
and you don't, Frank?
l come from there.
l know the man.
ls she telling me that this man
makes his own soft drink, Frank?
Since the beginning of time.
-Good ones.
-And he sells where we can't?
Fred, l want you to get me
all the data on that place.
l want to know why,
in the whole goddamn world...
that we don't sell
a single bottle down there.
He owns Anderson Valley.
He owns the people.
He owns the birds and the trees.
Rent me a four-wheel-drive
for tomorrow morning...
please, will you?
Now.
Sure.
l want to see
this Anderson Valley.
Right.
Fred, what are you doing...
for the next couple of days?
Frank, l want to go alone.
He might prefer
to go alone, Frank.
Take a gun.
''Take a gun.''
Projectionist...
would you see to it
that those tapes...
end up on my office desk,
please.
She'll be right, mate.
-Thank you.
-She's right, China.
-Say what?
-Anytime.
Frank, have you seen
the projectionist?
The guy is wearing
a fucking Pepsi t-shirt.
l wouldn't worry about it.
He's just having us on.
lt's Australian humor.
lt's product disloyalty
is what it is, Frank.
Come off it, Becker.
l mean, look at it this way.
There's probably
a guy over at Pepsi...
wearing one of our t-shirts.
And he called me China.
Now why in the hell
would he call me China?
l don't know.
Maybe it's your squinty eyes.
l didn't expect
to find anything like this...
on the floor in the office.
l'm sorry.
l was feeding the fish.
l don't want to see anything
like that again, miss.
Terri. The name's Terri.
Yes, ma'am,
l know what your name is.
Speaking of the significance
of personal disorder...
J.F.K.--
John Fitzgerald Kennedy--
he used to comb his hair
fifteen minutes...
before leaving Air Force One.
His aides were,
of course, complaining.
And what did he say?
He said,
''lt is not Jack Kennedy...
''that's going
to walk off this plane...
''but the United States
of America.''
Let's call it a day, shall we?
l'll see you in the morning.
Excuse me, sir, is there
anything l can do for you?
Excuse me, sir.
-Where's my alimony?
-Kim !
You shouldn't have come here.
Wait a minute.
Where's the 227 bucks
for our daughter?
Look, l'm telling you,
just get out of here.
You know l still love you.
Hello, security.
Why isn't anybody there?
Thank you, security.
Who is this?
Cleaning lady!
Kim !
Get off!
Thank you, cleaning lady.
Excuse me, sir, l hate
mixing into family affairs...
but l recommend
you start behaving right now.
What are you, her new protector?
That's a nice tie, eh?
Please, stop.
God damn!
l only came here for my alimony!
Security!
OK. You sit real still.
Security!
Have you got him?
All right. Take him.
Take him. He's yours.
Yeah. Terri,
call the police, please.
l still want a family,
you know.
Excuse me, miss.
What are you doing?
What does it look like?
lt looks like you're making
photocopies of your face.
That's what l'm doing.
Yes, ma'am. No.
What l meant was...
what are you doing
in this office?
l come here all the time.
l'm DMZ.
That's what my parents call me.
lt means demilitarized zone.
When they throw things
at each other...
l'm off-limits.
Come here.
You have a seat right there.
-What's your name?
-Rebecca?
You can call me
the Coca-Cola Kid.
Rebecca!
OK?
-Look, l--
-Hi, Mommy.
l'm really sorry.
Look. Sorry.
That was Kim, my ex-husband.
He's very political...
and he's dedicated
to his beliefs.
You see, he makes his own vodka.
lt's something from potatoes
and chopped wood, l believe.
lt messes him up real bad.
Let's just see to it
that's not repeated, shall we?
Oh, no. Look.
lt won't be repeated.
He never does
the same thing twice.
Bye, Coca-Cola Kid!
Blazes.
And what the hell are you doing?
Sorry, mate.
Must have scared you
shitless, eh?
Yeah, you did.
Look, l'm really sorry.
Got some water in the tank.
Are you hurt, ma'am?
He means you.
Are you hurt?
No. lt's Duncan.
lt's Duncan. Poor soul.
He fell down the well.
-He's broken his arm.
-He's all bunged up.
Looks like l got some
trouble with the plugs.
Can you help us?
You put your hands
around my neck and fall back.
There you go.
That's all right.
You know,
this is what Marines are for.
Oh, you're a dear.
Just imagine, no man has carried
me in his arms since 1945...
and l like it.
Thank you, young man.
You're pretty strong
for someone so cute.
l'm Juliana.
Mr. Marine.
My name's Becker,
Atlanta, Georgia, USA.
This is my aunt Mrs. Haversham.
How do you do, Mrs. Haversham?
We're just taking Duncan
to the vet.
l'll have you there in no time.
Here. l believe this is yours.
Great.
Sweetie.
Duncan.
How's he doing, Mrs. Haversham?
Oh, he's wonderful.
He's so patient.
Grab this.
Hi. How you doing?
All right.
Did your missis
get those roses and manure?
Hello.
My name is Becker.
You need a doctor, sir?
No. l need a room.
Let me get some
medical attention for you, sir.
No. Well, you're
not gonna believe this...
if l tell you,
but l was driving my jeep...
and this plane comes overhead
and lands right in front of me.
This little lady
was sitting there.
l took a fellow
to a hospital.
Oh, l see.
l need a room.
Just put your name there, sir.
What's your business?
Coca-Cola lnternational.
You must be here to
see T. George, then, eh?
No, not at all.
Why? Who's T. George?
Everybody knows T. George, sir.
And every year some fellow
comes from Coca-Cola...
to talk to him.
And they're never heard of
or seen again, right?
Straight across, sir.
-May l speak to Mr. McDowell?
-Who's calling, sir?
My name is Becker.
l'm visiting from
the United States.
-Mr. Becker?
-Yes, ma'am.
ls this a tourist visit, sir?
Why, no, ma'am.
This is not a tourist visit.
l'd like to arrange
a meeting with Mr. McDowell...
to discuss some business,
if l might.
Mr. McDowell isn't
available at the moment.
-Say what?
-l'm sorry.
Mr. McDowell is very busy
at the moment.
l understand that
Mr. McDowell is very busy.
Can l take a message for him?
You got it!
Move it across here.
One, two, three, four, up!
Everything's apple pulp.
Justin!
How you doing tonight?
l'm sorry, sir.
You aren't booked here anymore.
Like hell l'm not.
ls this your luggage, sir?
We thought--the boss said
that you were checked out.
Well, you can tell the boss
l'm checking in again, OK?
There aren't any rooms.
lt looks to me like there's
plenty of keys for rooms.
There are keys, sir,
but there aren't any rooms.
Jesus Christ.
What the hell is going on?
Would you like to have
a steak or a cup of tea?
lt'll calm you right down.
T. George.
l didn't mention any names, sir.
Please.
Something to eat, sir?
Are there any other motels or
hotels in this friendly town?
Afraid not, sir.
That's nice.
Best in the west, sir.
lt ain't that goddamn good.
Let that be a lesson to you.
You can't come in here.
lt's the inner sanctum.
Morning.
Morning.
The last thing l ever expected
to see up here was a camel.
l was riding a wombat
up till this morning.
Broke a leg
and had to shoot him.
Push down.
What?
Hold it there.
l'll get to you over tea.
Settle.
What are you doing?
Tea for two.
Far away from home?
l can't understand people
who can't stay home.
Looking for trouble,
taking risks they don't need.
Look, l appreciate your tea,
but...
you can keep your advice, OK?
You shouldn't listen
to an old fart like me.
You're an American.
You should know better.
You bet.
lt's good tea.
What's your point, mister?
Well, you see, around here,
l'm like the Lone Ranger.
Special constable.
l got to move you on.
And what if l don't want
to move?
This is getting very serious.
Hey, McDowell.
That's me.
Here's your boy.
What can l do for you, sir?
Nothing, l'm afraid.
Yankee bastard.
l like a tenacious man.
Come.
l'll show you the plant.
and nine varieties...
and l crush my own fruit.
Well, not many operators
still crush their own fruit...
that's for goddamn sure.
l am the last.
Started in 1924
at eighteen years of age.
You will note this was
before refrigeration.
Yes, sir.
Have you ever tried
selling soft drinks...
when there is
no refrigeration?
No, sir.
We started with crushed ice.
l brought crushed ice
to this country.
Nothing man has invented
will ever be better than ice.
lce is silent.
lce does not destroy,
it preserves.
For your face, kid.
Thank you, sir.
lt is related to life,
not death.
Your compatriot--
the late Mr. Walt Disney--
is preserved on ice.
Let's hope it does him
some good, Mr. McDowell.
Oh, T. George.
Call me T. George.
Thanks.
What the hell
is this doing here?
That is the woman of my life.
Say what?
Thelma.
The girl from
Hobcoppin, Mississippi.
She was all over the town...
during the famous
Rotary convention...
l attended in St. Louis.
So you stole her
from Coca-Cola?
Once l had seen
this beautiful woman...
l couldn't rest until
l had found and, of course...
married her
and brought her back here.
She never understood...ice.
She bore me a child...
and soon afterwards
killed herself...
and l've never forgiven her.
This is an original
Eckersley carbonator.
l can't believe it.
And still in perfect
working condition.
Mr. McDowell--
T. George--
l must confess, you run
an impressive operation...
but l don't imagine your
profit margin's overwhelming.
We're in the black.
Yeah, but you must be
barely surviving.
Sir, the quality of my drink
is still the same...
as sixty years and twenty-seven
international awards ago.
T. George...
l'm interested in helping you
move into modern times.
What do you say?
l'm sure your help
must be needed in some places.
And you should
find those places...
and help them as much
as they'll let you.
Mr. McDowell, there's something
l'd like to impress on you.
l am the one who decides
who needs my help.
Well, l'm afraid
my time is over.
That would be your choice, sir.
Your car is waiting.
Good-bye.
Which one do you think
he'd like?
Who?
The Coca-Cola Kid.
l want you to take some cookies
to him at work.
He doesn't like sweets.
He's not a sweets person.
Don't you like him, Mommy?
He likes you.
No, he doesn't.
He doesn't like me at all.
Here, pop back a sec.
l think he likes you a lot.
You can tell by the way
he looks at you.
What did l tell you?
You work on the weekends?
-Nights, too.
-You OK?
Certainly.
Mr. Becker, l'd like
to work with you.
Look, l'm from
the United States.
OK? l am American.
l know. ClA.
You know, Frank, he's got
a real class operation.
lt's like stepping back
into the goddamn 1920s.
Did you get your tires slashed?
But l could well have come home
with a few holes in me.
Check this out.
l didn't have the courage
to tell you.
Thought you should
find out for yourself.
Thank you, Frank.
Becker, you're a miracle-maker.
You flushed him out.
Your pants are showing.
Mr. McDowell has invited
himself up to see us.
lt's my turn
to go to the post office.
-You always do.
-l do not!
Terri!
What's all the racket?
What the hell are you doing?
Hiding from my past.
Be professional.
Will it work, Mr. McDowell?
We can but try.
Ready, girls? Come.
That's my girl.
l think Mr. McDowell
has a proposition for us.
Why don't we go
into business together?
l beg your pardon?
You market your drinks
in my territory...
and you market my drinks
internationally.
ls that so?
What do you think, Becker?
Fascinating.
We could avoid a trade war.
l'll put my proposition
to you...
as one marketing man to another.
May l?
-Thank you.
-Feel free.
l propose to call the line...
McCoke.
Old McDee and Coca-Cola
Found a new brand,
brand-new cola
Every bloke
should drink McCoke
Every bloke
should drink McCoke
Did you ever try that taste
You know right away
it's great
Every bloke
should drink McCoke
Every bloke
should drink McCoke
What about
our mountain well
Here our drinks
sure taste swell
Every bloke
should drink McCoke
Every bloke
should drink McCoke
Aren't they lovely?
Very nice.
-Red currant, madam?
-One for you.
Go ahead, try it.
lt's a stronger combination
than Coke...
but then, l like a drink
that hits the palate strongly.
Yep, 15,000 bottles a week
in nine varieties--
cola, black currant,
passion fruit, cream...
lemon-lime, orange,
ginger ale, grape...
and, of course...tutti-frutti.
Thanks, love.
l'll have that green.
ls there an office in here
with a window facing north?
Look at that.
The pilot
is an old friend of mine--
George Scribner.
l owe part of my success
to the use of his skywriting...
especially at country shows.
Fascinating presentation.
Please, drink up.
l sense your resistance.
Well, l'm too old a salesman,
been on the road too long...
not to know
when l've met resistance.
l sense your amusement
at an old man's ideas.
Well, gentlemen,
may l ask you to sleep on it?
Well, l always say...
there are three sides
to every question--
your own side,
the other fellow's side...
and the right side.
Mr. McDowell, l'll be
down your way very soon.
Thank you for coming.
Come, girls.
Congratulations, Becker.
You got him.
Jesus, Frank,
the man has his pride.
Christ, Becker,
don't be so damn serious.
l just don't think
it calls for...
a goddamn comedy routine,
that's all.
He's still up there.
He's still writing it up there.
l should get back to work.
Silly old bugger--
spoiling our view.
McCoke!
Look. l'm so sorry, l...
l have something
l have to tell you.
l'm not interested!
But the thing is--
l am not interested, OK?
Now, whether
you're on something...
or just plain crazy
is none of my business.
Yeah, but--
Let's just part our ways
amicably, OK?
Shut up, you half-wit!
l'm sorry.
Good God, girl, you are a mess.
lf you resign from your job
for personal reasons...
it will save you
from getting fired.
Now, get your things together.
My daughter wanted me
to give you this.
Thank you.
lt's getting really long.
Do you think my hair will grow
as long as Rapunzel's?
Who?
Rapunzel. You remember...
that girl
who grew her hair long.
And the lady was jealous...
so she put her up in a tower
as a prisoner...
and then the prince
came and rescued her...
because she let her long, long
hair down, and he climbed up.
And then what?
Then they went to the palace.
And then...
they got married.
And then they lived
happily ever after.
Hey, Joe, how are you doing?
Thank you.
Which one of you is the leader?
-Looks like it's me.
-How you doing?
Hi. l'm Phillip.
Phillip, what is this?
You sing for the Labor Party?
Yeah. lt was a wash-out.
We did it just as a gig.
lt was well-paid.
We're not political.
l can't use you
if you're anti-American.
We're not anti-American.
We're very positive.
We don't even eat meat.
Peace.
-Anti-nuke?
-Not at all.
We're the people of the sound.
No opinions.
We play for money.
We're very good, sir.
Use your ears, sir.
Hold it.
Now. See, what we're
after here is...
the Australian sound.
What that is, hell knows...
but that's what l'm paying
you for. Right, fellas?
Now, when you say sound...
do you mean musical sound
or anything at all?
l don't know, Phillip.
But then,
l don't have to know, do l?
l just have to know who
can do it and pay 'em to do it.
Come on, guys.
Here's the sound.
How was that, Mr. Becker?
Well, you tell me.
ls that the Australian sound?
l mean, do we have
the Australian sound here?
l'd say that was easily
as Australian...
as, well, a barbed-wire canoe.
As Australian
as a shit sandwich.
That's great.
Let's lay one down, shall we?
Don't want to go
where there's no Coca-Cola
You've got
Life by the throat
when you're drinking Coke
Choke back the tears
when there's no Coca-Cola
You've got
Life by the throat
when you're drinking Coke
Under the hot sun
When the day is done
And you're dying of thirst
There's only one drink,
it's universal
Don't want to go
where there's no Coca-Cola
You've got
Life by the throat
when you're drinking Coke
Choke back the tears
when there's no Coca-Cola
You've got
Life by the throat
when you're drinking Coke
Life by the throat
when you're drinking Coke
Life by the throat
when you're drinking Coke
Keeps you up 'cause
there's nothing like Coke
How's that, Mr. Becker?
l say we go again.
Let's go for
that extra mile, OK?
-Can l buy you a drink?
-Nope.
l like you, you know,
even though l got the sack.
That's good, Terri,
because you ain't comin' back.
l'd like to be left alone,
please, ma'am.
Just a friendly drink,
nothing else.
l'd like to be left alone.
Listen, Phillip,
don't ask me why.
Just bring Becker to my party,
dead or alive.
Now, look.
How should l talk to him?
Like a woman?
Just be natural...Marjorie.
lt's fabulous.
That's great. lt's great.
He's coming!
l'm Marjorie.
My name is Becker.
Becker, want to dance?
-l'm not a very good dancer.
-That's OK.
l'll tell you
everything you need to know.
You know, Becker...
the best thing for jet lag
is dancing.
Well, l'm long over my jet lag.
l'll tell you something.
Foreigners, when they come
to this country...
they never lose it.
You know, Becker...
you are really good-looking.
Phillip?
Excuse me, Marjorie.
Thanks very much.
My pleasure, Becker.
Look, man, it's really been
one hell of a day.
Look, l should be home in bed.
As a matter of fact, l should've
been in bed hours ago.
Relax, man. Have some fun.
-Come on, man.
-Have a drink.
Phillip, are these girls girls?
They're all girls.
Mr. Becker?
-Fancy you being here.
-lt's my secretary.
Terri, it's an error
that l'm here.
lt's a terrible error.
Look. l hope you'll be
discreet about this.
Why is that?
ls this what you're into?
You're the Coke dealer,
aren't you?
Get away from him !
God damn!
What's going on?
You're leaving.
That's what's going on.
-Who asked you?
-Who asked me? l did.
Oh, Hawaiian dress on?
l don't want these freaks
near my daughter!
Come on, leave!
Get out, you perverts!
This is my place!
Look, l don't want them
around my daughter.
Get out!
You start with Coca-Cola...
you end up with perverts
and junkies!
This is so embarrassing.
l'm so embarrassed.
Stop telling me
what to do with my life!
Don't cry.
l just can't wait for you
to fucking get out!
You fucking get out of my life!
Don't worry about them.
They're like that all the time.
Are they?
Please. Listen, stop it!
Leave me. l'm quite capable
of sorting it out.
-l can have a good life--
-You can have a good life?
lt was going pretty well
until you came along!
-Was it really?
-Yes.
Thank you.
lt's all right.
Get out!
She's a dangerous woman,
your mother.
She's an unhappy woman.
Get out!
She's peculiar.
She is.
Thanks.
Well, l'm going
to go break this up.
Get out!
They're my plates, you know.
-l think--
-Out!
All right, now look.
l think--
Now look what you've done.
Hey. All right.
Let me give you a lift.
Come on. No.
lt will be my pleasure.
-l can walk.
-No, come on.
l got you.
-l'll just help you down.
-l can walk.
-My head hurts.
-Come down here, mate.
Oh, God.
Here we go.
l am not having a good time.
Jesus!
She is an incurable star-fucker.
Say what?
The woman we're both
in love with.
l'm not in love with her.
Not even close.
l've seen the way
she looks at you.
lt's ''l want you,
l don't want you.''
lf you want her, just go for it.
l tell you what, man.
You can keep her, OK?
Shit.
l'm going to need stitches.
Oh, man.
l need a fucking umbrella.
What do you think
of Australian beer?
What do l think
of Australian beer?
l think it's fucking good, man!
Everything already delivered
has been very useful.
We need more of the same.
l won't say what or when,
as instructed.
You're out of your mind.
You understand now?
l'll never betray
your confidence, Mr. Becker.
Look, man, l'm not armaments.
l'm in beverages, OK?
Sure.
Say who?
Reverse charge from America.
Yeah, sure.
l'll accept the charges.
-How's my baby?
-Hi, Mom.
-l need to know if--
-Hold on just a second.
Am l gonna get
my bag of ice or what?
Yes, sir.
Don't get angry, please.
Why don't you
write me a post card?
Oh, no, ma'am.
l haven't had a minute to myself
to send anybody a postcard.
Don't you realize how lonely
it is without my boy?
l don't know, Mom.
l'll tell you what l'll do.
l'll call you
as soon as l know...
when l'll be home
for Christmas, OK?
Are you wearing warm underwear?
Love you, too. Bye-bye.
More of the same?
When you cough up some cash,
we can talk, OK?
lt was always for free.
Well, not anymore.
We got new guys
running the show now...
and they believe in the good,
Christian habit of sharing.
How much are you talking about?
l'll need a few days.
Take your time.
What the fuck am l doing here?
Oh, God.
Attention.
This is your employer speaking.
Most of you have been
with McDowell lndustries...
a good many years.
l put a strong proposition
to Coca-Cola.
Now they are coming to me.
Lunchtime!
The drink that answers
the call of millions.
Refreshment time!
lt's a pleasure to see you.
Likewise.
l have brought you a new fleet.
-l can't afford it.
-No problem.
You've got a ten-year loan...
with payments starting
three years from now.
But it says ''Coca-Cola''
on the trucks.
Yes, sir.
Congratulations.
You've got the franchise
for Anderson Valley.
lt takes two to tango, kid.
l took it for granted
you could dance.
A beauty. Thirty-aught-thirty.
Winchester, l believe.
Under the scheme we propose...
you will triple your profit
in the first year alone.
l don't need so much.
l wouldn't like to mention
the unpleasant possibilities...
such as...
someone could buy up
all your glass.
l'll stay in business
until my last bottle breaks...
then l'll make my own glass.
Well, someone could--
and believe me, sir,
someone would--
buy up your entire sugar supply.
l'll grow my own sugar.
Why do you want to break
my balls, T. George?
Do you know the shortest speech
in the world?
No, sir. Tell me.
''lf it is to be, it's up to me.''
That's nice.
You should copyright that.
T. George. your trucks
are falling apart.
But the children love them.
And they also like to see...
my picture on our cars,
our trucks, and our outlets.
And would you be so kind...
as to remove your vehicles
from my factory?
Get out of here!
Go on!
Come on, mate.
Going home, eh? Be seeing ya!
l'll ask you one last time.
Do you want the franchise...
or do you want the fight?
l want to take you
to our Rotary dance.
l insisted on him
coming here today...
to show him
that we are Rotarians first...
and competitors second.
Fellowship comes above profit.
Welcome to Anderson Valley.
Thank you.
People of Anderson Valley...
fellowship does come
above profit, indeed.
Those are stirring words.
We at Coca-Cola have extended
our hand in friendship...
but Mr. McDowell
has chosen not to accept it.
Well, so be it.
Coca-Cola is proud
to be part of life...
in this free country.
Every day, Coca-Cola
makes new friends in new places.
Anyone for a drink?
Do you know that we have
already received applications...
for bottling franchises
on the moon?
But still, the earth
will not be truly free...
until Coke
is available everywhere.
Try a Coke.
My new, dear friends
of Anderson Valley...
l would like to invite you...
to join us
in worldwide fellowship.
Thank you very much.
My boy,
a very impressive dissertation.
l haven't heard
speechifying like that...
since the St. Louis
Rotary convention.
Hit it, Charlie.
l've got a Coca-Cola
for you
Drink it all up
-Coke for you, sir?
-Not in front of T. George.
Once a jolly swagman
camped by a billabong
Under the shade
of a coolibah tree
And he sang as he sat
And waited till
his billy boiled
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Waltzing, Matilda
Matilda, my darlin'
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Waltzing, Matilda
Leading a water bag
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Along came a jumbuck and he
drank from the billabong
l've had a change of heart.
l'd like to talk to you about
this proposition of yours.
Anytime.
How about midnight
at the factory?
That would be lovely.
Good. Then it's settled.
Waltzing, Matilda,
Matilda, my darlin'
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Waltzing, Matilda
Leading a water bag
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Down came the squatter
mounted on his thoroughbred
Down came the troopers,
one, two, three
Who's that jolly jumbuck
you've got in your tuckerbag
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Waltzing, Matilda
Matilda, my darlin'
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Waltzing, Matilda
Leading a water bag
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Up jumped the swagman,
and he lept into the billabong
You'll never catch me alive,
said he
And his ghost will be heard
as you pass by the billabong
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Jesus Christ!
What kept you so long?
What the hell
are you doing here?
l was tired.
''l was tired.''
What the hell
are you doing here?
Well, when you asked
for volunteers to be Santas...
l volunteered.
Who allowed you to volunteer?
l thought it was a chance
to pay the old town a visit.
OK, listen.
l did a semester
of hotel-motel management.
And hotels and motels
are supposed to have...
two things going for them.
See, first, the customer
must feel that no one...
has been in the room
before them.
This makes people feel
like they're walking...
into a hygienic
and virginal space.
-And second--
-Let's go to bed.
Wait a minute.
And second--
and this is the most important--
no one--
that is absolutely no one--
should be allowed in the room
in the customer's absence.
lt is to be treated
as one's sanctuary.
But it seems so logical
you and l should go to bed.
Look, honey,
you know what l mean.
lt is getting very late.
You're making this hard.
l hope so.
Jesus Christ, woman!
Do not start undressing here.
Put the boot back on.
Let's not be childish.
Put the boot back on.
lf we got sex out of the way,
we could relax.
l have to tell you something
about T. George.
God damn it!
T. George!
l was supposed
to meet him an hour ago.
He'll be gone by now.
You can see him in the morning.
l guess you're right.
l just didn't want him
to change his mind, is all.
He'd never do that.
l'll be kind of sorry
to see him go.
l mean,
he's a stubborn old bastard...
but he runs one hell
of a smooth operation.
He was married
to a Coca-Cola poster girl.
Did you know that?
She couldn't take it here,
so she killed herself.
Must have been tough
on the old bastard.
Shut up.
Kiss me.
Where is he?
Who, sir?
Who do you think l mean,
Father Christmas?
Actually, l've got six staying
here at the moment, sir.
l'm talking about
that kid from Coca-Cola.
He's in the regal suite
around the corner, sir.
Who is it?
lt's T. George McDowell!
Good morning, Mr. Becker--
l mean, Mr. McDowell.
A few too many at the dance, eh?
Yes, sir.
And, as you can see...
the place is a bit of a mess.
You'd probably be
much more comfortable...
waiting in the lobby, sir.
You didn't come last night.
Come, sir?
Our appointment.
l waited all night.
My apology. See, well...
to tell you the truth, sir,
l have company.
l beg your pardon?
l have company.
Well, in that case, l'll...
My God, Terri!
There seems to have been
an unfortunate collision...
of circumstances here, sir.
lndeed there has.
l thought you came here...
for an honorable fight,
Mr. Becker.
l didn't expect you
to go below the belt.
Leave him alone, Dad.
l came of my own accord...
to save you from him.
Or him from you.
l don't know which anymore.
-What?
-l don't know, sir.
Your champagne, sir.
There is good authority
for the proposition...
that the child knows
no affection for the parent.
Cut the crap, Dad.
Give it to him.
l've always loved you--
damn it--
in spite of everything.
You're just like your mother.
She never understood
the importance of my work.
Your work! You never cared
about anyone but yourself.
Now, look.
That's not true.
And l'll tell you something.
When l go,
you'll have everything l own.
Don't bother leaving it to me.
l'd only give it away.
You're not gonna leave me now,
are you?
The child owes no natural
affection to the parent.
Good news!
The kids love it!
One of the teachers had one.
They threw me out!
Good-bye, sir.
We've got them, boss.
You know something?
l haven't seen my daughter
for seven years.
l'm sorry, Mr. McDowell.
Thank you, Doris.
Seems you made
the front page today.
What are we celebrating?
That was a bit unorthodox.
Well, l guess if you
want to break an omelet...
you've got to lay a few eggs.
Congratulations.
See you, Frank.
Did this McDowell guy die?
Got nothin' to do with me, mate,
but you owe me sixty cents, eh?
Two papers?
Don't think l'll be able
to change a twenty, though.
lt's OK.
Mr. McDowell said recently--
lt's not how many square miles
that makes the country great...
lt's how many square people.
Last night,
in Anderson Valley...
the McDowell soft-drink factory
was burnt to the ground.
As the buildings blazed...
Mr. McDowell successfully
blocked factory entrances...
to the fire brigade
and told police to leave...
claiming the right
to do what he wanted...
with his own property.
Mr. McDowell has left the stage
with a resounding bang.
May l speak?
This is for you.
We're very pleased.
l gave your name
to our group leader...
and you can get us the stuff.
l tell you what you do.
You get my name back
from your leader, OK?
l am not ClA.
l am not AT&T.
l am not TWA.
l am not lBM.
l'm not even Coca-Cola anymore.
Fruit and flowers! Man!
The other half on delivery.
Freedom !
Hey, want a lift?
Thanks, man.
-Here you go, mate.
-Thanks.
Hi, Coca-Cola Kid.
-How you doing, DMZ?
-Good.
Where's your mama?
She's gone looking for a job.
We're broke.
What's in the funny bag?
A surprise.
lt's not real.
lt is, too.
Every bit of it.
Mouse!
What's its name?
Guess.
Mickey?
Rebecca?
We've got a new tenant, Mommy.
Can l offer you something?
Coffee? Tea?
Yes, please.
Welcome to Australia.
As you know...
Australia is an island
which has been isolated...
from many dangerous
animal and plant diseases.
The cabin area is now being
sprayed by quarantine officers.
This is an essential precaution
against the insects...
which might
otherwise introduce...
human or agricultural diseases
into Australia.
Please ensure
that you remain seated...
until the spraying is completed.
lf you experience discomfort
from aerosol sprays...
we suggest you place
a handkerchief...
over your nose and mouth.
Thank you for your attention.
A gentleman to see you.
Frank Hunter?
Becker. Atlanta, Georgia, USA.
Who from where?
Becker. Atlanta, Georgia.
Straight from the airport.
Just dropped my cargo bag
and stuff at a hotel...
and came right here.
This is beautiful.
l'm pleased to meet you, Becker.
What can l do for you?
l was to report
to you today, wasn't l?
-Telex just arrived.
-Thank you.
Excuse me.
Sit down, please.
Yes. lt's all here.
You beat your assignment papers.
l like a man who arrives
before his print-out.
l just never understand...
why these telexes
always arrive damp.
Well, Becker, they call you--
for my eyes only--
''A brilliant troubleshooter.''
That's about right.
My only problem is
l'm not aware...
that we're
in any kind of trouble.
Well, that's why l'm here.
l'm sorry.
l guess everybody has trouble.
We have a month.
What for?
To get a job done.
To find firstly,
where the trouble is...
secondly, why it is...
thirdly, devise a strategy...
and four, act.
lt sounds simple.
lt is.
You'll see.
Can l offer you something--
coffee, tea?
Yes. Please.
Which would you like?
Coffee or tea?
Yeah, that's fine with me--
coffee or tea.
Thanks.
How are you, little guy?
OK, little guy.
Your breakfast, sir.
Welcome to Australia.
Everybody's happy
to see you here, sir.
l won't say who or why,
according to instructions.
Take care of your jet lag, sir,
and have a very, very nice day.
What the hell was that?
l took about six hours
straight through.
Buy your Australian here!
Get your Australian here!
What d'you wanna buy?
What are you reading?
Get your Australian here!
Get your Tatts Lotto
weekly numbers!
Excuse me, sir, do you sell
American newspapers?
American newspapers?
This is Australia, mate.
We sell Australian papers.
Well, that would be
appropriate, yes.
Right on.
Take it or leave it.
l'll leave it. Thanks.
G'day, Mr. Becker.
-Hello.
-Have a nice day.
Mr. Hunter told me l'll be
working as your secretary...
while you're here.
Well, that's just fine.
lt's almost 9:00.
l'll see you at the office.
Oh, right. See you.
Frank, can we talk now?
Come in, Fred.
Shut the door.
Frank, what's going on?
Our advice from headquarters
is ''Listen to him.
''Don't get angry.
''Don't get scared, either.
''And do not be surprised.''
How am l supposed
not to get surprised...
when he walks into my office
and asks can he borrow a bible?
They call him ''Whiz Kid.''
They advise don't try
to understand him.
They don't.
They just know he doubles
and triples sales in no time.
He asked me
if l'd ever heard anything...
l'd call an Australian sound.
Did you?
''And you should know,
Coca-Cola is sold...
''in 155 nations
across the world...
''and it is the same drink
everywhere.
''We have more markets
than the United Nations.''
''Every day,
''pause for that moment
of refreshment...
''that unparalleled moment--''
Underline ''unparalleled.''
Well, if you don't want
to understand what my point is.
OK, what's your point?
lf men and women
are gonna work together...
something might happen.
l don't want to hear that.
''Let there be
no misunderstanding.
''Our policies and strategies...
''will be dictated
by the needs and desires...
''of the consuming public.''
''Needs and desires...''
Needs and desires of what?
Maybe you're just not
interested in women.
Do you hear that sound?
lt's a very specific sound.
Get your truth here.
Words on every page.
Girls and news.
Cartoons and girls.
Cartoons, girls, and news.
All the news!
Excuse me, sir.
l would love
to have your picture--
And your sound.
You're going to use me
in the movies?
Yes! Movie.
My phone number.
lf l'm not here, the fellas
know where to find me.
Ring me agent.
Mr. Joe.
Thank you very much.
You may be asking yourselves...
''What is an ex-Marine doing
on this side of the globe?''
Well, as you may
or may not know...
Marines fall on every continent
on the face of the earth...
except Australia, so here l am.
First, we have
to ask ourselves...
do we need to explain
our product to the public?
Last year in Rome...
l had a chance to talk
with one of the top guys...
in the Jesuit hierarchy,
and he told me...
he said they consider us--
excuse me, miss,
your feet belong on the floor--
they consider us,
in bringing God's business...
of good will and good news
to the people...
no less than second
to themselves...
in this whole wide
God-fearing world. Yes.
They see us as the smart guys...
who distribute and sell
the miracle of America.
And that's exactly what we are.
When you have a product
with charisma...
you don't have to explain
a goddamn thing, no.
Here you go, honey.
You need only
bring it to the people.
Good catch.
Try to analyze it,
and you'll end up...
with ''dark color,
cold, wet, and bubbly.''
Come on.
That is no way to explain...
what getting in touch
with the American way of life...
really means
to billions of people.
Listen--the sound of Coke.
Mmm ! Dark and bubbly.
Why our dark and bubbly liquid
is so loved...
by all those Eskimos
and other Canadians...
we don't need to know.
We need only just
to bring it to the people.
All right.
OK. Here we are.
Sorry about that.
lt won't take a sec.
Whenever you're ready,
Mr. Projectionist.
Just getting the focus.
This is quite
a pretty effect, Daryl.
We're working on it.
Let us look
at available charts...
of crosscheck points
and social activities...
of our selling outlets,
shall we?
Excuse me, please.
Sorry, boss.
Frank, have them
take it back again.
Take it back, Fred.
Well, how far back do you want?
As far as it takes, Fred.
Could you take that back,
please, Daryl.
Fred, give me a break.
The other way.
More.
-Stop.
-Stop!
Frank, what is that
wide gap there?
ls that a per capita
consumption chart?
Yes, that's right.
l don't know what's there.
Must be a national park
or maybe a desert.
We should be selling in
national parks and in deserts.
People tend to get thirsty
in deserts, Fred.
Maybe it's uninhabited.
l have a hunch there must be
somebody there.
All right.
Take me in for a closer look.
Give me churches...
schools, bars...
Oh, that would be
Anderson Valley.
Playgrounds,
supermarkets, cemeteries.
See? There is
a living population there.
A few thousand maybe.
lt's pretty isolated.
Well, they have throats.
l mean,
they must drink something.
There used to be a soft-drink
man down there, but...
that was a long time ago now--
Well, what the hell is he,
Frank, a Pepsi man?
Frank, l asked you a question.
There's no Pepsi or Coke
in Anderson Valley, l'm afraid.
How come she knows that
and you don't, Frank?
l come from there.
l know the man.
ls she telling me that this man
makes his own soft drink, Frank?
Since the beginning of time.
-Good ones.
-And he sells where we can't?
Fred, l want you to get me
all the data on that place.
l want to know why,
in the whole goddamn world...
that we don't sell
a single bottle down there.
He owns Anderson Valley.
He owns the people.
He owns the birds and the trees.
Rent me a four-wheel-drive
for tomorrow morning...
please, will you?
Now.
Sure.
l want to see
this Anderson Valley.
Right.
Fred, what are you doing...
for the next couple of days?
Frank, l want to go alone.
He might prefer
to go alone, Frank.
Take a gun.
''Take a gun.''
Projectionist...
would you see to it
that those tapes...
end up on my office desk,
please.
She'll be right, mate.
-Thank you.
-She's right, China.
-Say what?
-Anytime.
Frank, have you seen
the projectionist?
The guy is wearing
a fucking Pepsi t-shirt.
l wouldn't worry about it.
He's just having us on.
lt's Australian humor.
lt's product disloyalty
is what it is, Frank.
Come off it, Becker.
l mean, look at it this way.
There's probably
a guy over at Pepsi...
wearing one of our t-shirts.
And he called me China.
Now why in the hell
would he call me China?
l don't know.
Maybe it's your squinty eyes.
l didn't expect
to find anything like this...
on the floor in the office.
l'm sorry.
l was feeding the fish.
l don't want to see anything
like that again, miss.
Terri. The name's Terri.
Yes, ma'am,
l know what your name is.
Speaking of the significance
of personal disorder...
J.F.K.--
John Fitzgerald Kennedy--
he used to comb his hair
fifteen minutes...
before leaving Air Force One.
His aides were,
of course, complaining.
And what did he say?
He said,
''lt is not Jack Kennedy...
''that's going
to walk off this plane...
''but the United States
of America.''
Let's call it a day, shall we?
l'll see you in the morning.
Excuse me, sir, is there
anything l can do for you?
Excuse me, sir.
-Where's my alimony?
-Kim !
You shouldn't have come here.
Wait a minute.
Where's the 227 bucks
for our daughter?
Look, l'm telling you,
just get out of here.
You know l still love you.
Hello, security.
Why isn't anybody there?
Thank you, security.
Who is this?
Cleaning lady!
Kim !
Get off!
Thank you, cleaning lady.
Excuse me, sir, l hate
mixing into family affairs...
but l recommend
you start behaving right now.
What are you, her new protector?
That's a nice tie, eh?
Please, stop.
God damn!
l only came here for my alimony!
Security!
OK. You sit real still.
Security!
Have you got him?
All right. Take him.
Take him. He's yours.
Yeah. Terri,
call the police, please.
l still want a family,
you know.
Excuse me, miss.
What are you doing?
What does it look like?
lt looks like you're making
photocopies of your face.
That's what l'm doing.
Yes, ma'am. No.
What l meant was...
what are you doing
in this office?
l come here all the time.
l'm DMZ.
That's what my parents call me.
lt means demilitarized zone.
When they throw things
at each other...
l'm off-limits.
Come here.
You have a seat right there.
-What's your name?
-Rebecca?
You can call me
the Coca-Cola Kid.
Rebecca!
OK?
-Look, l--
-Hi, Mommy.
l'm really sorry.
Look. Sorry.
That was Kim, my ex-husband.
He's very political...
and he's dedicated
to his beliefs.
You see, he makes his own vodka.
lt's something from potatoes
and chopped wood, l believe.
lt messes him up real bad.
Let's just see to it
that's not repeated, shall we?
Oh, no. Look.
lt won't be repeated.
He never does
the same thing twice.
Bye, Coca-Cola Kid!
Blazes.
And what the hell are you doing?
Sorry, mate.
Must have scared you
shitless, eh?
Yeah, you did.
Look, l'm really sorry.
Got some water in the tank.
Are you hurt, ma'am?
He means you.
Are you hurt?
No. lt's Duncan.
lt's Duncan. Poor soul.
He fell down the well.
-He's broken his arm.
-He's all bunged up.
Looks like l got some
trouble with the plugs.
Can you help us?
You put your hands
around my neck and fall back.
There you go.
That's all right.
You know,
this is what Marines are for.
Oh, you're a dear.
Just imagine, no man has carried
me in his arms since 1945...
and l like it.
Thank you, young man.
You're pretty strong
for someone so cute.
l'm Juliana.
Mr. Marine.
My name's Becker,
Atlanta, Georgia, USA.
This is my aunt Mrs. Haversham.
How do you do, Mrs. Haversham?
We're just taking Duncan
to the vet.
l'll have you there in no time.
Here. l believe this is yours.
Great.
Sweetie.
Duncan.
How's he doing, Mrs. Haversham?
Oh, he's wonderful.
He's so patient.
Grab this.
Hi. How you doing?
All right.
Did your missis
get those roses and manure?
Hello.
My name is Becker.
You need a doctor, sir?
No. l need a room.
Let me get some
medical attention for you, sir.
No. Well, you're
not gonna believe this...
if l tell you,
but l was driving my jeep...
and this plane comes overhead
and lands right in front of me.
This little lady
was sitting there.
l took a fellow
to a hospital.
Oh, l see.
l need a room.
Just put your name there, sir.
What's your business?
Coca-Cola lnternational.
You must be here to
see T. George, then, eh?
No, not at all.
Why? Who's T. George?
Everybody knows T. George, sir.
And every year some fellow
comes from Coca-Cola...
to talk to him.
And they're never heard of
or seen again, right?
Straight across, sir.
-May l speak to Mr. McDowell?
-Who's calling, sir?
My name is Becker.
l'm visiting from
the United States.
-Mr. Becker?
-Yes, ma'am.
ls this a tourist visit, sir?
Why, no, ma'am.
This is not a tourist visit.
l'd like to arrange
a meeting with Mr. McDowell...
to discuss some business,
if l might.
Mr. McDowell isn't
available at the moment.
-Say what?
-l'm sorry.
Mr. McDowell is very busy
at the moment.
l understand that
Mr. McDowell is very busy.
Can l take a message for him?
You got it!
Move it across here.
One, two, three, four, up!
Everything's apple pulp.
Justin!
How you doing tonight?
l'm sorry, sir.
You aren't booked here anymore.
Like hell l'm not.
ls this your luggage, sir?
We thought--the boss said
that you were checked out.
Well, you can tell the boss
l'm checking in again, OK?
There aren't any rooms.
lt looks to me like there's
plenty of keys for rooms.
There are keys, sir,
but there aren't any rooms.
Jesus Christ.
What the hell is going on?
Would you like to have
a steak or a cup of tea?
lt'll calm you right down.
T. George.
l didn't mention any names, sir.
Please.
Something to eat, sir?
Are there any other motels or
hotels in this friendly town?
Afraid not, sir.
That's nice.
Best in the west, sir.
lt ain't that goddamn good.
Let that be a lesson to you.
You can't come in here.
lt's the inner sanctum.
Morning.
Morning.
The last thing l ever expected
to see up here was a camel.
l was riding a wombat
up till this morning.
Broke a leg
and had to shoot him.
Push down.
What?
Hold it there.
l'll get to you over tea.
Settle.
What are you doing?
Tea for two.
Far away from home?
l can't understand people
who can't stay home.
Looking for trouble,
taking risks they don't need.
Look, l appreciate your tea,
but...
you can keep your advice, OK?
You shouldn't listen
to an old fart like me.
You're an American.
You should know better.
You bet.
lt's good tea.
What's your point, mister?
Well, you see, around here,
l'm like the Lone Ranger.
Special constable.
l got to move you on.
And what if l don't want
to move?
This is getting very serious.
Hey, McDowell.
That's me.
Here's your boy.
What can l do for you, sir?
Nothing, l'm afraid.
Yankee bastard.
l like a tenacious man.
Come.
l'll show you the plant.
and nine varieties...
and l crush my own fruit.
Well, not many operators
still crush their own fruit...
that's for goddamn sure.
l am the last.
Started in 1924
at eighteen years of age.
You will note this was
before refrigeration.
Yes, sir.
Have you ever tried
selling soft drinks...
when there is
no refrigeration?
No, sir.
We started with crushed ice.
l brought crushed ice
to this country.
Nothing man has invented
will ever be better than ice.
lce is silent.
lce does not destroy,
it preserves.
For your face, kid.
Thank you, sir.
lt is related to life,
not death.
Your compatriot--
the late Mr. Walt Disney--
is preserved on ice.
Let's hope it does him
some good, Mr. McDowell.
Oh, T. George.
Call me T. George.
Thanks.
What the hell
is this doing here?
That is the woman of my life.
Say what?
Thelma.
The girl from
Hobcoppin, Mississippi.
She was all over the town...
during the famous
Rotary convention...
l attended in St. Louis.
So you stole her
from Coca-Cola?
Once l had seen
this beautiful woman...
l couldn't rest until
l had found and, of course...
married her
and brought her back here.
She never understood...ice.
She bore me a child...
and soon afterwards
killed herself...
and l've never forgiven her.
This is an original
Eckersley carbonator.
l can't believe it.
And still in perfect
working condition.
Mr. McDowell--
T. George--
l must confess, you run
an impressive operation...
but l don't imagine your
profit margin's overwhelming.
We're in the black.
Yeah, but you must be
barely surviving.
Sir, the quality of my drink
is still the same...
as sixty years and twenty-seven
international awards ago.
T. George...
l'm interested in helping you
move into modern times.
What do you say?
l'm sure your help
must be needed in some places.
And you should
find those places...
and help them as much
as they'll let you.
Mr. McDowell, there's something
l'd like to impress on you.
l am the one who decides
who needs my help.
Well, l'm afraid
my time is over.
That would be your choice, sir.
Your car is waiting.
Good-bye.
Which one do you think
he'd like?
Who?
The Coca-Cola Kid.
l want you to take some cookies
to him at work.
He doesn't like sweets.
He's not a sweets person.
Don't you like him, Mommy?
He likes you.
No, he doesn't.
He doesn't like me at all.
Here, pop back a sec.
l think he likes you a lot.
You can tell by the way
he looks at you.
What did l tell you?
You work on the weekends?
-Nights, too.
-You OK?
Certainly.
Mr. Becker, l'd like
to work with you.
Look, l'm from
the United States.
OK? l am American.
l know. ClA.
You know, Frank, he's got
a real class operation.
lt's like stepping back
into the goddamn 1920s.
Did you get your tires slashed?
But l could well have come home
with a few holes in me.
Check this out.
l didn't have the courage
to tell you.
Thought you should
find out for yourself.
Thank you, Frank.
Becker, you're a miracle-maker.
You flushed him out.
Your pants are showing.
Mr. McDowell has invited
himself up to see us.
lt's my turn
to go to the post office.
-You always do.
-l do not!
Terri!
What's all the racket?
What the hell are you doing?
Hiding from my past.
Be professional.
Will it work, Mr. McDowell?
We can but try.
Ready, girls? Come.
That's my girl.
l think Mr. McDowell
has a proposition for us.
Why don't we go
into business together?
l beg your pardon?
You market your drinks
in my territory...
and you market my drinks
internationally.
ls that so?
What do you think, Becker?
Fascinating.
We could avoid a trade war.
l'll put my proposition
to you...
as one marketing man to another.
May l?
-Thank you.
-Feel free.
l propose to call the line...
McCoke.
Old McDee and Coca-Cola
Found a new brand,
brand-new cola
Every bloke
should drink McCoke
Every bloke
should drink McCoke
Did you ever try that taste
You know right away
it's great
Every bloke
should drink McCoke
Every bloke
should drink McCoke
What about
our mountain well
Here our drinks
sure taste swell
Every bloke
should drink McCoke
Every bloke
should drink McCoke
Aren't they lovely?
Very nice.
-Red currant, madam?
-One for you.
Go ahead, try it.
lt's a stronger combination
than Coke...
but then, l like a drink
that hits the palate strongly.
Yep, 15,000 bottles a week
in nine varieties--
cola, black currant,
passion fruit, cream...
lemon-lime, orange,
ginger ale, grape...
and, of course...tutti-frutti.
Thanks, love.
l'll have that green.
ls there an office in here
with a window facing north?
Look at that.
The pilot
is an old friend of mine--
George Scribner.
l owe part of my success
to the use of his skywriting...
especially at country shows.
Fascinating presentation.
Please, drink up.
l sense your resistance.
Well, l'm too old a salesman,
been on the road too long...
not to know
when l've met resistance.
l sense your amusement
at an old man's ideas.
Well, gentlemen,
may l ask you to sleep on it?
Well, l always say...
there are three sides
to every question--
your own side,
the other fellow's side...
and the right side.
Mr. McDowell, l'll be
down your way very soon.
Thank you for coming.
Come, girls.
Congratulations, Becker.
You got him.
Jesus, Frank,
the man has his pride.
Christ, Becker,
don't be so damn serious.
l just don't think
it calls for...
a goddamn comedy routine,
that's all.
He's still up there.
He's still writing it up there.
l should get back to work.
Silly old bugger--
spoiling our view.
McCoke!
Look. l'm so sorry, l...
l have something
l have to tell you.
l'm not interested!
But the thing is--
l am not interested, OK?
Now, whether
you're on something...
or just plain crazy
is none of my business.
Yeah, but--
Let's just part our ways
amicably, OK?
Shut up, you half-wit!
l'm sorry.
Good God, girl, you are a mess.
lf you resign from your job
for personal reasons...
it will save you
from getting fired.
Now, get your things together.
My daughter wanted me
to give you this.
Thank you.
lt's getting really long.
Do you think my hair will grow
as long as Rapunzel's?
Who?
Rapunzel. You remember...
that girl
who grew her hair long.
And the lady was jealous...
so she put her up in a tower
as a prisoner...
and then the prince
came and rescued her...
because she let her long, long
hair down, and he climbed up.
And then what?
Then they went to the palace.
And then...
they got married.
And then they lived
happily ever after.
Hey, Joe, how are you doing?
Thank you.
Which one of you is the leader?
-Looks like it's me.
-How you doing?
Hi. l'm Phillip.
Phillip, what is this?
You sing for the Labor Party?
Yeah. lt was a wash-out.
We did it just as a gig.
lt was well-paid.
We're not political.
l can't use you
if you're anti-American.
We're not anti-American.
We're very positive.
We don't even eat meat.
Peace.
-Anti-nuke?
-Not at all.
We're the people of the sound.
No opinions.
We play for money.
We're very good, sir.
Use your ears, sir.
Hold it.
Now. See, what we're
after here is...
the Australian sound.
What that is, hell knows...
but that's what l'm paying
you for. Right, fellas?
Now, when you say sound...
do you mean musical sound
or anything at all?
l don't know, Phillip.
But then,
l don't have to know, do l?
l just have to know who
can do it and pay 'em to do it.
Come on, guys.
Here's the sound.
How was that, Mr. Becker?
Well, you tell me.
ls that the Australian sound?
l mean, do we have
the Australian sound here?
l'd say that was easily
as Australian...
as, well, a barbed-wire canoe.
As Australian
as a shit sandwich.
That's great.
Let's lay one down, shall we?
Don't want to go
where there's no Coca-Cola
You've got
Life by the throat
when you're drinking Coke
Choke back the tears
when there's no Coca-Cola
You've got
Life by the throat
when you're drinking Coke
Under the hot sun
When the day is done
And you're dying of thirst
There's only one drink,
it's universal
Don't want to go
where there's no Coca-Cola
You've got
Life by the throat
when you're drinking Coke
Choke back the tears
when there's no Coca-Cola
You've got
Life by the throat
when you're drinking Coke
Life by the throat
when you're drinking Coke
Life by the throat
when you're drinking Coke
Keeps you up 'cause
there's nothing like Coke
How's that, Mr. Becker?
l say we go again.
Let's go for
that extra mile, OK?
-Can l buy you a drink?
-Nope.
l like you, you know,
even though l got the sack.
That's good, Terri,
because you ain't comin' back.
l'd like to be left alone,
please, ma'am.
Just a friendly drink,
nothing else.
l'd like to be left alone.
Listen, Phillip,
don't ask me why.
Just bring Becker to my party,
dead or alive.
Now, look.
How should l talk to him?
Like a woman?
Just be natural...Marjorie.
lt's fabulous.
That's great. lt's great.
He's coming!
l'm Marjorie.
My name is Becker.
Becker, want to dance?
-l'm not a very good dancer.
-That's OK.
l'll tell you
everything you need to know.
You know, Becker...
the best thing for jet lag
is dancing.
Well, l'm long over my jet lag.
l'll tell you something.
Foreigners, when they come
to this country...
they never lose it.
You know, Becker...
you are really good-looking.
Phillip?
Excuse me, Marjorie.
Thanks very much.
My pleasure, Becker.
Look, man, it's really been
one hell of a day.
Look, l should be home in bed.
As a matter of fact, l should've
been in bed hours ago.
Relax, man. Have some fun.
-Come on, man.
-Have a drink.
Phillip, are these girls girls?
They're all girls.
Mr. Becker?
-Fancy you being here.
-lt's my secretary.
Terri, it's an error
that l'm here.
lt's a terrible error.
Look. l hope you'll be
discreet about this.
Why is that?
ls this what you're into?
You're the Coke dealer,
aren't you?
Get away from him !
God damn!
What's going on?
You're leaving.
That's what's going on.
-Who asked you?
-Who asked me? l did.
Oh, Hawaiian dress on?
l don't want these freaks
near my daughter!
Come on, leave!
Get out, you perverts!
This is my place!
Look, l don't want them
around my daughter.
Get out!
You start with Coca-Cola...
you end up with perverts
and junkies!
This is so embarrassing.
l'm so embarrassed.
Stop telling me
what to do with my life!
Don't cry.
l just can't wait for you
to fucking get out!
You fucking get out of my life!
Don't worry about them.
They're like that all the time.
Are they?
Please. Listen, stop it!
Leave me. l'm quite capable
of sorting it out.
-l can have a good life--
-You can have a good life?
lt was going pretty well
until you came along!
-Was it really?
-Yes.
Thank you.
lt's all right.
Get out!
She's a dangerous woman,
your mother.
She's an unhappy woman.
Get out!
She's peculiar.
She is.
Thanks.
Well, l'm going
to go break this up.
Get out!
They're my plates, you know.
-l think--
-Out!
All right, now look.
l think--
Now look what you've done.
Hey. All right.
Let me give you a lift.
Come on. No.
lt will be my pleasure.
-l can walk.
-No, come on.
l got you.
-l'll just help you down.
-l can walk.
-My head hurts.
-Come down here, mate.
Oh, God.
Here we go.
l am not having a good time.
Jesus!
She is an incurable star-fucker.
Say what?
The woman we're both
in love with.
l'm not in love with her.
Not even close.
l've seen the way
she looks at you.
lt's ''l want you,
l don't want you.''
lf you want her, just go for it.
l tell you what, man.
You can keep her, OK?
Shit.
l'm going to need stitches.
Oh, man.
l need a fucking umbrella.
What do you think
of Australian beer?
What do l think
of Australian beer?
l think it's fucking good, man!
Everything already delivered
has been very useful.
We need more of the same.
l won't say what or when,
as instructed.
You're out of your mind.
You understand now?
l'll never betray
your confidence, Mr. Becker.
Look, man, l'm not armaments.
l'm in beverages, OK?
Sure.
Say who?
Reverse charge from America.
Yeah, sure.
l'll accept the charges.
-How's my baby?
-Hi, Mom.
-l need to know if--
-Hold on just a second.
Am l gonna get
my bag of ice or what?
Yes, sir.
Don't get angry, please.
Why don't you
write me a post card?
Oh, no, ma'am.
l haven't had a minute to myself
to send anybody a postcard.
Don't you realize how lonely
it is without my boy?
l don't know, Mom.
l'll tell you what l'll do.
l'll call you
as soon as l know...
when l'll be home
for Christmas, OK?
Are you wearing warm underwear?
Love you, too. Bye-bye.
More of the same?
When you cough up some cash,
we can talk, OK?
lt was always for free.
Well, not anymore.
We got new guys
running the show now...
and they believe in the good,
Christian habit of sharing.
How much are you talking about?
l'll need a few days.
Take your time.
What the fuck am l doing here?
Oh, God.
Attention.
This is your employer speaking.
Most of you have been
with McDowell lndustries...
a good many years.
l put a strong proposition
to Coca-Cola.
Now they are coming to me.
Lunchtime!
The drink that answers
the call of millions.
Refreshment time!
lt's a pleasure to see you.
Likewise.
l have brought you a new fleet.
-l can't afford it.
-No problem.
You've got a ten-year loan...
with payments starting
three years from now.
But it says ''Coca-Cola''
on the trucks.
Yes, sir.
Congratulations.
You've got the franchise
for Anderson Valley.
lt takes two to tango, kid.
l took it for granted
you could dance.
A beauty. Thirty-aught-thirty.
Winchester, l believe.
Under the scheme we propose...
you will triple your profit
in the first year alone.
l don't need so much.
l wouldn't like to mention
the unpleasant possibilities...
such as...
someone could buy up
all your glass.
l'll stay in business
until my last bottle breaks...
then l'll make my own glass.
Well, someone could--
and believe me, sir,
someone would--
buy up your entire sugar supply.
l'll grow my own sugar.
Why do you want to break
my balls, T. George?
Do you know the shortest speech
in the world?
No, sir. Tell me.
''lf it is to be, it's up to me.''
That's nice.
You should copyright that.
T. George. your trucks
are falling apart.
But the children love them.
And they also like to see...
my picture on our cars,
our trucks, and our outlets.
And would you be so kind...
as to remove your vehicles
from my factory?
Get out of here!
Go on!
Come on, mate.
Going home, eh? Be seeing ya!
l'll ask you one last time.
Do you want the franchise...
or do you want the fight?
l want to take you
to our Rotary dance.
l insisted on him
coming here today...
to show him
that we are Rotarians first...
and competitors second.
Fellowship comes above profit.
Welcome to Anderson Valley.
Thank you.
People of Anderson Valley...
fellowship does come
above profit, indeed.
Those are stirring words.
We at Coca-Cola have extended
our hand in friendship...
but Mr. McDowell
has chosen not to accept it.
Well, so be it.
Coca-Cola is proud
to be part of life...
in this free country.
Every day, Coca-Cola
makes new friends in new places.
Anyone for a drink?
Do you know that we have
already received applications...
for bottling franchises
on the moon?
But still, the earth
will not be truly free...
until Coke
is available everywhere.
Try a Coke.
My new, dear friends
of Anderson Valley...
l would like to invite you...
to join us
in worldwide fellowship.
Thank you very much.
My boy,
a very impressive dissertation.
l haven't heard
speechifying like that...
since the St. Louis
Rotary convention.
Hit it, Charlie.
l've got a Coca-Cola
for you
Drink it all up
-Coke for you, sir?
-Not in front of T. George.
Once a jolly swagman
camped by a billabong
Under the shade
of a coolibah tree
And he sang as he sat
And waited till
his billy boiled
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Waltzing, Matilda
Matilda, my darlin'
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Waltzing, Matilda
Leading a water bag
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Along came a jumbuck and he
drank from the billabong
l've had a change of heart.
l'd like to talk to you about
this proposition of yours.
Anytime.
How about midnight
at the factory?
That would be lovely.
Good. Then it's settled.
Waltzing, Matilda,
Matilda, my darlin'
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Waltzing, Matilda
Leading a water bag
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Down came the squatter
mounted on his thoroughbred
Down came the troopers,
one, two, three
Who's that jolly jumbuck
you've got in your tuckerbag
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Waltzing, Matilda
Matilda, my darlin'
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Waltzing, Matilda
Leading a water bag
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Up jumped the swagman,
and he lept into the billabong
You'll never catch me alive,
said he
And his ghost will be heard
as you pass by the billabong
You'll come a-waltzing,
Matilda, with me
Jesus Christ!
What kept you so long?
What the hell
are you doing here?
l was tired.
''l was tired.''
What the hell
are you doing here?
Well, when you asked
for volunteers to be Santas...
l volunteered.
Who allowed you to volunteer?
l thought it was a chance
to pay the old town a visit.
OK, listen.
l did a semester
of hotel-motel management.
And hotels and motels
are supposed to have...
two things going for them.
See, first, the customer
must feel that no one...
has been in the room
before them.
This makes people feel
like they're walking...
into a hygienic
and virginal space.
-And second--
-Let's go to bed.
Wait a minute.
And second--
and this is the most important--
no one--
that is absolutely no one--
should be allowed in the room
in the customer's absence.
lt is to be treated
as one's sanctuary.
But it seems so logical
you and l should go to bed.
Look, honey,
you know what l mean.
lt is getting very late.
You're making this hard.
l hope so.
Jesus Christ, woman!
Do not start undressing here.
Put the boot back on.
Let's not be childish.
Put the boot back on.
lf we got sex out of the way,
we could relax.
l have to tell you something
about T. George.
God damn it!
T. George!
l was supposed
to meet him an hour ago.
He'll be gone by now.
You can see him in the morning.
l guess you're right.
l just didn't want him
to change his mind, is all.
He'd never do that.
l'll be kind of sorry
to see him go.
l mean,
he's a stubborn old bastard...
but he runs one hell
of a smooth operation.
He was married
to a Coca-Cola poster girl.
Did you know that?
She couldn't take it here,
so she killed herself.
Must have been tough
on the old bastard.
Shut up.
Kiss me.
Where is he?
Who, sir?
Who do you think l mean,
Father Christmas?
Actually, l've got six staying
here at the moment, sir.
l'm talking about
that kid from Coca-Cola.
He's in the regal suite
around the corner, sir.
Who is it?
lt's T. George McDowell!
Good morning, Mr. Becker--
l mean, Mr. McDowell.
A few too many at the dance, eh?
Yes, sir.
And, as you can see...
the place is a bit of a mess.
You'd probably be
much more comfortable...
waiting in the lobby, sir.
You didn't come last night.
Come, sir?
Our appointment.
l waited all night.
My apology. See, well...
to tell you the truth, sir,
l have company.
l beg your pardon?
l have company.
Well, in that case, l'll...
My God, Terri!
There seems to have been
an unfortunate collision...
of circumstances here, sir.
lndeed there has.
l thought you came here...
for an honorable fight,
Mr. Becker.
l didn't expect you
to go below the belt.
Leave him alone, Dad.
l came of my own accord...
to save you from him.
Or him from you.
l don't know which anymore.
-What?
-l don't know, sir.
Your champagne, sir.
There is good authority
for the proposition...
that the child knows
no affection for the parent.
Cut the crap, Dad.
Give it to him.
l've always loved you--
damn it--
in spite of everything.
You're just like your mother.
She never understood
the importance of my work.
Your work! You never cared
about anyone but yourself.
Now, look.
That's not true.
And l'll tell you something.
When l go,
you'll have everything l own.
Don't bother leaving it to me.
l'd only give it away.
You're not gonna leave me now,
are you?
The child owes no natural
affection to the parent.
Good news!
The kids love it!
One of the teachers had one.
They threw me out!
Good-bye, sir.
We've got them, boss.
You know something?
l haven't seen my daughter
for seven years.
l'm sorry, Mr. McDowell.
Thank you, Doris.
Seems you made
the front page today.
What are we celebrating?
That was a bit unorthodox.
Well, l guess if you
want to break an omelet...
you've got to lay a few eggs.
Congratulations.
See you, Frank.
Did this McDowell guy die?
Got nothin' to do with me, mate,
but you owe me sixty cents, eh?
Two papers?
Don't think l'll be able
to change a twenty, though.
lt's OK.
Mr. McDowell said recently--
lt's not how many square miles
that makes the country great...
lt's how many square people.
Last night,
in Anderson Valley...
the McDowell soft-drink factory
was burnt to the ground.
As the buildings blazed...
Mr. McDowell successfully
blocked factory entrances...
to the fire brigade
and told police to leave...
claiming the right
to do what he wanted...
with his own property.
Mr. McDowell has left the stage
with a resounding bang.
May l speak?
This is for you.
We're very pleased.
l gave your name
to our group leader...
and you can get us the stuff.
l tell you what you do.
You get my name back
from your leader, OK?
l am not ClA.
l am not AT&T.
l am not TWA.
l am not lBM.
l'm not even Coca-Cola anymore.
Fruit and flowers! Man!
The other half on delivery.
Freedom !
Hey, want a lift?
Thanks, man.
-Here you go, mate.
-Thanks.
Hi, Coca-Cola Kid.
-How you doing, DMZ?
-Good.
Where's your mama?
She's gone looking for a job.
We're broke.
What's in the funny bag?
A surprise.
lt's not real.
lt is, too.
Every bit of it.
Mouse!
What's its name?
Guess.
Mickey?
Rebecca?
We've got a new tenant, Mommy.
Can l offer you something?
Coffee? Tea?
Yes, please.