Cocoa (2023) Movie Script
1
Ooh!
You okay?
Okay, come on, we gotta go.
Relax, Hope, I'm an excellent driver.
There's no brake on your side, Hope.
Oh my god, Faith,
you're always in such a rush!
Stop it.
Oh, nice of you to join us.
I like that shirt, it's a nice pop.
Thank you, I know
it's good looking on me.
If you'd quit getting your head bashed in
at your football games,
you might actually have
some brain cells left.
Excuse me?
You're so supercilious, it's disgusting.
All right.
Oh, are you goin'?
Hey, you forgot your broom.
Ugh, ygh!
Foreclosure, really?
There's no way we lost both
the house and the business.
Faith, you heard the judge.
You're gonna have plenty of
time to straighten things out
before your next court date.
If this preliminary
hearing is any indication
of what's gonna happen,
you're such a liar!
I'm sorry, Faith.
My next client's here.
I'll have to call you later.
By the way,
I never missed a single
one of your college games.
You had some arm.
Thanks.
You and I both know you're lying,
and I'm gonna prove it.
Well, good luck with that.
Hey, wanna get a bite to eat?
Sure.
My next client's...
And that's for you.
Have a good day.
So unfair.
Everything is gone.
You can stay with me
until you sort this out.
Thanks, Hope.
There is only one place
to go at a time like this.
Oh, it looks exactly the same.
I know.
- Let's go in.
- Okay.
Mm, oh my gosh.
Do you remember the
last time we were here?
With mom.
She loved this place.
I think she made excuses
to come to New York
just to come here.
I miss those times.
Here's to you, mom,
the queen of chocolate.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
- Oh, careful!
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
It's my boss.
Well then answer it.
Yeah, I'm calling you about my Corvette.
It was impounded.
Yeah, I, I'm not
interfering with your profits.
My proposals will actually increase them.
Yeah, 212-789.
Yeah, well, I have a
conscience, you know?
It wasn't impounded.
Well, the public,
they're becoming aware of
the dangers of Frankenfood.
- Repossessed?
- I quit.
My car was repossessed.
I quit my job.
You've been declined.
That's it.
Joseph, hey, it's Faith.
Hey.
Yeah, I, I want you to get
us into court right away.
Faith, I already told you,
the courts are backed up
for another six months.
How is that even possible?
Look, while you wait,
I recommend that you hire
a forensic accountant.
With what?
I don't have any money.
I'm sorry, Faith.
I can't even afford
to lease a kitchen or,
or to hire a baking staff.
Maybe you should
take these next six months
to find an investor.
Well, that is just great.
You know, Mark handled all the finances.
I don't even know where to start.
I remember this kid.
Oh, do my eyes deceive me or what?
Lucas Morello.
Mr. Frangiolini.
Look at you, eh,
you're all grown up now.
Call me Carmine.
Well, thank you, sir.
Well, Carmine, you
haven't changed one bit.
What are you blind?
Last time I weighed myself
was at a truck stop.
Hey, , huh.
Sit down.
I haven't seen you
since you and Paolo was
friends in high school.
So where you been?
That's what I'm here to talk about, sir.
I've been working as an
assistant for a rich lady.
A very rich lady.
I took your advice.
I've been getting some
business experience.
She's an investor.
Good for you, good for you.
That's great.
I'm thinking maybe you could
use someone of my talents.
I could possibly be an asset
to the family business.
Wait a minute.
What, what did you say?
Well, I finally graduated college
and got some life experience.
You said I could come see
you when I felt ready.
So you're ready?
Yes, sir, I am ready.
What can you offer me?
I, I don't understand.
Listen, you don't just Walt in here
and think I'm gonna open up my arms
and welcome you into my family.
It don't work that way, kid.
What do I need to do?
You bring me a business deal.
What kind of business deal?
What kind of business deal?
The kind of business
deal that makes money.
And then we can talk.
Let's see what you're made of, capeesh?
Sure, sure.
I can do that.
All right, go do it.
Piece of work.
Oh, hi, Teebore.
It's really true.
What?
You don't know what
you've got till it's gone.
Uh...
Well, I, we, we, ,
uh, we just wanted you to know
how much we are going to miss you.
Everyone knows your value.
Was there anything else?
Uh.
Here, think of me when you look at it.
Well, I guess I'll be
looking at it a lot then.
Oh, oh.
Here.
Faith, are you sleeping?
Cute.
What?
Oh, mom's scrap book.
Come on.
There's the microscope cake
she made for your ninth birthday.
She was so creative.
Way ahead of her time.
Do you remember when you
were going to science camp
and you got the flu,
and mom made that chocolate concoction.
You had the miraculous recovery.
Triptofem, serotonin,
and Phenethylamine?
Of course I felt better.
And it was loaded with antioxidants.
Someone should make a cake
that's actually good for you.
Like a chocolate cake without gluten.
Ooh, one that makes you
lose weight.
Wait, wait.
You, you could be onto something.
Yeah right,
like a cake could actually
make you lose weight.
I was developing something
like this on my own.
Remember when I interviewed at Montello
and then I didn't hear from
them for like six months
so I went to the Amazon?
I found this rare flower that
the locals said never to eat.
Is it poisonous?
No, they have a food shortage there.
Okay, and this relates to cake how?
They said eating it would
make you lose too much weight.
Did you tell them there's no such thing?
Okay, whatever.
And this rare flower?
I analyzed the cellular
structure of the stamen,
the haploid nucleus, the embryo sac.
How the diploid cell divides-
- Kinda losing me?
I found a unique compound
that triggers weight loss.
Now you got my attention.
I remember something
about the cacao bean
acting as an accelerant.
Sorry.
Blah!
Are my taste buds deceiving
me or is this one really good?
It's fantastic.
Wait, we did it?
We did it.
We did it!
That concludes today's sermon.
Everyone go in peace.
Yeah, it smells nice.
He does a good job.
Yeah.
It's really good.
Nice church, it's pretty.
I know, it's so beautiful.
I love coming here.
I don't remember seeing
Coco in church this morning.
Yeah well, he got his tail
caught in the heater vent.
Oh, he's fine now,
but he didn't seem like
he wanted to be alone, so.
- Ladies.
- Hi.
I lost 20 Pounds eating
your chocolate cake.
- Really?
- Great.
Where can I get some more?
Oh, there's a signup
sheet in the dining hall.
Congratulations.
Yeah, you look good.
What are we going to do?
We can't afford all these supplies.
I know.
We need an attorney and
we need to patent this.
I mean, do, do we need a storefront?
Or maybe we should do online sales.
No, we need an investor.
Hey, what about the Chapman's?
Who?
Over there.
You met them through mom that
summer she stayed in New York.
Looks okay now.
Oh, we had lunch at
their place in Edgewater.
See, you do remember.
I haven't talked to them since then.
Come on.
I'll go talk to them.
Go work your magic.
So Pastor, we've been hearing so much
about that mysterious chocolate cake.
Well, the inventors
are right over there.
Okay you two, this is it.
You have the house for the weekend.
Thank you.
All right now,
Margaret and I will be available by phone
if you need anything, of course.
And uh you, be a good
boy for Faith and Hope.
You hear me?
Yes, you will.
Don't worry, we'll take
really good care of him.
Yeah, I wish we could take
him with us, but you know,
we're a little bit nervous
about the big pool remodel
in the Hampton House.
What a mess.
Don't worry, we love dogs.
He'll be great.
Come on, Coco, come on!
Oh, and uh-
- Listen, I just want,
I wanna thank you for
setting this meeting up
with the Blackhollys.
It's really nice.
Well your timing is impeccable.
Really?
I mean, I happen to know
that they're looking for
a really good investment.
I mean, something special.
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, and um,
I know you girls are having
a little financial situation, okay?
So that's a little
something for incidentals.
Use it at your discretion.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, and also,
please help yourself downstairs
to a couple of bottles in the cellar.
Anything you want.
Oh, you gotta make this
dinner really special.
Oh, that is very kind.
Are you sure?
Absolutely.
Listen, I know Jacqueline, okay?
And a couple of bottles of Grand Cru,
believe me, are not gonna hurt, 100%.
Thank you.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye, Coco.
- Bye.
- Have a good trip.
- Bye.
Where did you get that?
Mr. Chapman.
He's offered for $2,000 for incidentals.
Oh, thank you.
Come on, let's go get started.
Come on, Coco.
Hi Coco.
Oh, such a good boy.
- Coco, come here.
- Such a good boy.
Oh, Coco.
Coco, move.
What would you like me to do?
Uh, take the appetizers
outta the refridge
and put them in the oven.
Hope, what are you doing?
Sorry, sorry, I got lost for a second.
Don't.
I need you fully plugged in.
Coco, move, stop.
How do you make him stay?
Ask him in a nice voice.
Do I look like the dog whisperer?
Man, you are in a mood.
No, I just want tonight to be perfect
and it will be as long
as you behave, Coco.
Oh, you are gonna be such a good boy.
Yes, you are.
You are, Coco.
Hope, can you just put the
appetizers in the oven, please?
Man, you are so crabby.
Am not.
- Is he calling again?
- Yes.
What does he want?
I have no idea.
There's nothing left for him to take.
You think he knows about the cake?
Oh, I hope so.
I hope Montello does, too.
No, the less Montello knows, the better.
Trust me.
Oh, come on, Hope.
Forget about them.
This is your chance to change the world
and show those creeps what they lost.
Yeah, I never said I
wanted to change the world.
Oh yeah, you did.
See.
How do you have that?
I don't know.
I used to show it to my friends.
We'd have a really good laugh.
Oh, I'm sorry, Hope.
Coco!
Oh no, get down.
He needs to go in another room.
No, no, no, no.
Margaret said they he
will claw at the door.
Oh whatever.
And pick up that toy
before somebody trips.
Come on, Coco.
Come on, Coco, come on.
Morning.
I'm not sure you should be taking a bath
on those pain pills.
Oh, I'm fine, my dear.
I can smell your perfume.
Are you going out?
Yes, I told you yesterday.
I'm meeting friends of
the Chapman's as a favor.
You did?
Huh.
And I told you that I would
cancel and you told me not to.
Well, perhaps you did.
I forget that.
Sure, I did.
Are you taking that assistant with you?
His name is Lucas and, yes.
Hmm, I see.
Oh, darling,
you know that Lucas is nothing
more than an assistant to me.
Ah, yes, but pumpkin, I can't be there.
Please remember not to
get your stitches wet.
And remember that Dr. Cohen told you
those pills are very strong.
Please use them sparingly.
Yes, of course, my dear.
I'm off.
Ta!
Okay.
Oh, do we remember the wine?
Yeah.
Saint-Emilion Grand Cru.
Is that any good?
I hope, it's French.
$250 a bottle.
Huh, okay.
Our pitch package.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Oh, you know what?
Let's move this somewhere
high so Coco doesn't get it.
Is something burning?
My croutons!
Oh, crap!
Oh man, oh.
Coco, move.
Oh, I'm sorry, boy.
You're a good boy.
Wow, this is some place.
Who lives here?
The Chapman's.
They gonna be here tonight?
No, it's just Faith and Hope.
Now what?
What the heck is the matter with you?
The doorbell scared me.
Okay, let's relax.
Tonight is the beginning
of an amazing life, right?
Okay, I'll go get the door,
and I hate when you use that voice.
Funny.
For you to leave Mortimer at home,
this idea must be some money maker.
Hm, we shall see.
Pull, not push.
Hi.
Hello.
I'm Faith.
Thank you.
Oh, why don't you come on in?
Oh, oh, oh.
I'm sorry, go ahead.
Thank you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
Hi!
Oh, I am so sorry.
I hope you didn't hurt your hand.
Oh.
Because you're so strong and handsome.
Hope.
I am really, really,
really sorry, Mr. Blackholly.
Unfortunately, Mr.
Blackholly has had surgery
and won't be with us this evening.
This is Lucas Morello, and
I am Jacqueline Blackholly.
It's so nice to finally meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
Hi.
I'm really sorry to
hear about Mr. Blackholly.
Well, thank you.
He uh, would love to be here,
but he's in so much pain.
Wonderful.
I mean, not, not wonderful
that he's in pain.
Just, I, I didn't mean that.
I just, that you got to bring your friend.
Is it serious?
Mr. Blackholly's injury?
Well, it is painful and
a little embarrassing.
Yeah.
He had an altercation with a nail gun
that one of our carpenters left behind.
Ouch.
Yes, he is on some pretty
stiff pain medication,
so I'm pretty sure he's fast asleep.
Oh, well, I I hope he
has a speedy recovery.
So do I.
Lucas is my personal assistant,
and I thought he could lend
a younger man's perspective
to your new invention.
Well, um,
why don't you to go have
a seat in the living room
and I'll bring out some appetizers.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Oh, I, I can take this.
Here, it's just right through here?
Thank you.
Go on.
Go ahead.
What, what did I do now?
Lucas didn't sign the
non-disclosure agreement.
We don't know him from Adam.
Who's Adam?
Oh my gosh.
You are worrying too much.
We are covered.
Okay.
So, Jacqueline, I was, I was
kind of wondering about this-
- Oh!
Whoa, whoa!
Drinks?
Geez, dog.
I reviewed the proposal you
sent me and I was intrigued.
But after seeing the complete package,
I must say that this is very exciting.
Really?
Does your idea have a patent?
Of course.
Gluten-free cake that
makes you lose weight?
Ladies, you definitely
have a good idea here.
Thank you.
Now, how does it work?
Well, that's proprietary.
Ah, a secret ingredient.
Yes, the secret ingredient.
Yeah, but I must admit,
I'm a little skeptical.
I mean, gluten free?
Well, I can't wait to taste it.
Well, would you like some now?
I mean, I can bring it
out with some coffee.
Do you mind if we take a moment
before we sample your wonderful cake?
Of course.
Take your time.
I'd like to go out to the
garden for some fresh air.
This place even has a garden?
What'd you say the Chapman's do for money?
I didn't.
Hope, don't be such a clutz.
What did I do now?
Oh.
Isn't the fountain lovely, Lucas?
If this cake is real, what
do you think it's worth?
Possibly the greatest weight
loss creation in history.
Really?
So whoever owns this
will definitely be rich.
I would say so.
I assume you're planning
on buying this cash cow
right for Blackholly and Associates
for as little as possible.
I don't do business like that, Lucas.
No, no, no,
of course not.
I, I did, I didn't mean to imply, I just.
Oh, oh!
What the hell?
Oh my God!
What was that splashing noise?
Sound of our dreams
drowning in the fountain.
What?
Okay, you need to go get a robe
and a towel for Jacqueline.
Come on, come on.
All right.
Come on inside.
We'll get you a towel.
Lucas.
Oh, hey.
Delicious dinner.
I can't wait to taste that cake.
Uh-huh.
If anyone can make
gluten free taste good,
it's probably you.
So what are you looking for?
Oh.
Just, I'm really intrigued
by, by, by this cake.
You're gonna make a great
face for the company.
A face?
You know, you're a
real looker and smart.
Right.
So how long have you worked
for Blackholly and Associates?
Uh, well.
Oh.
Okay.
Oh!
Oh, did I do that?
No, no, no, no.
No need to fuss over me, Jacqueline.
No, no.
Listen, I'll just, I'll
run home and change, okay?
Save me a piece of that cake.
Excuse me.
Okay.
Why don't you go relax on the
couch and I'll get the cake.
Oh, that sounds lovely.
Okay.
I'm so sorry.
Can I help?
No, no, no, no.
Absolutely not.
You're our guest.
Come on, let's go sit down.
Get you warmed up.
There you go.
Yeah.
Oh no, oh no!
Oh, oh my gosh!
Hun.
Oh.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, I'll take care of Coco.
I'll take care of Jacqueline.
I'm all right, take care of the dog.
Of course, you're right.
Oh no, oh.
Town & Country Veterinary
is open 24 hours.
Right,
Are, are you sure you're okay?
I just called a cab.
Okay.
Come on.
We'll be back as fast as we can.
Go, go, save Coco.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Mortimer, I assume you're asleep by now.
Things got a bit crazy here,
and I'm gonna stay for a little while
and wait for Faith and Hope to come back.
Call me if you need me.
Bye.
Oh, it's okay, Coco, it's okay.
Oh my!
Sharon, our dog, he's-
- Eh, eh, eh, not Sharon, Sharon.
What?
Our, our, our dog, he ate chocolate.
We think he's dying.
Oh honey, is it breathing?
Yes, but he is making
this awful, awful noise.
Dr. Dogwood!
Oh, so his name is funny to you?
- No, no, no, no.
- No, no, no.
Perhaps another vet
might meet your standards.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We're very sorry.
We just are very concerned about our dog.
We didn't mean any disrespect.
Dr. Dogwood will be here in a moment.
Please have a seat.
But Coco is really sick.
Where is the patient?
He's right here.
Ah, mm,
yes, I see.
Hm.
This is going to require some tests.
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
A blood work up.
Yes, yes, yes.
Stool and urine samples.
A transdermal plasmectomy.
Are you just making this up?
He ate chocolate.
Can't you just pump his stomach?
My dear uneducated plebeian,
we are far beyond the
stomach pumping stage.
Please, just save Coco.
Hope, I've never seen you so assertive.
Oh, should I ask him to forgive me?
No, it was great.
Let's go sit down.
Hello?
Is anybody here?
Faith, Hope?
What happened here?
Hm.
It's actually good.
Faith, Hope?
Bingo.
I guess they aren't home.
Huh.
Ooh, Reggie.
I'm not too busy.
I miss you too, honey.
Yes, as soon as I'm finished
here, baby, I'll be right home.
Should we go in?
I don't know, Sharon is right there.
I know, she scares me.
Oh no you didn't!
I'm at work.
Oh my, Reggie, stop it.
Whatever you want, baby.
Oh, that was close.
Okay, we'll give dogwood one hour,
and then we're going in.
That's a love, a pizza pie
Have another pizza pie, you're in love
Love love, love, we're in love
Well the doors open wide like
a noodle through the night
We're in love
Love love, love, we're in love
Well your friends are over here
And your family's over
there, yeah it's love
Love love, love, we're in love
That's a love a pizza pie
And another big surprise we're in love
Hey, , Lucas.
Mr. Frangiolini.
Guido, sir.
Back so soon, huh?
I don't let the grass
grow under my feet.
This kid's ambitious.
I'll give him that.
What could I do you for, Lucas?
Well, sir, with all due respect,
I have something I know
you're gonna find interesting.
You think you know
what I find interesting?
It's a new kind of cake.
I mean, you like cake, right?
Well, this one's gluten
free, but get this,
the more you eat, the
more weight you lose.
What, are you nuts?
All right, relax, relax, relax.
You think I got to the
size eating some fruity,
new age, alfalfa grass?
Well, sorry, Carmine,
what I wanted to say is
I brought you a sample.
Here, just...
Uh.
What, are you supposed
to smoke this or eat it?
Here, just,
mush it.
Here, tada.
Here, you first.
Oh, you want me to be the Guinea pig?
Yeah, go ahead.
Try it.
Come here.
Knock yourself out.
Let me see.
Mm, not bad.
Give me this.
This better be good.
You know what happens to anyone
that makes me unhappy, right?
Mama mia.
You come up with this on your own?
I knew you would like it.
This cake is too delicious
to be good for you.
If I didn't know better,
I would swear that this is the real thing.
Wait a minute.
You're not try to pull
something over on me, are you?
No, no, I have the recipe right here.
Gimme this.
Wait a minute.
What's this?
Secret ingredients.
Not to worry.
Something's fishy here,
boss, something stinks.
Isn't that the most important thing?
Um, well, it's, it, you
know, it, it's, um, it,
it's very complex.
Try me.
Well uh, well uh, you know,
you know when you mix
alkaline and, and, and acid?
Like olive oil and vinegar, right?
Um, well, that it, it forms
a proprietary molecule,
and that sort of conglomerates
with some other things
and sort of oxidizes.
There's an oxidation that occurs and it,
it mixes and it, it, it pasteurizers,
and it sort of combines and flems up
and then there's sort of a chain reaction,
an infusion, if you will.
You're so intelligent yourself,
you would know, of electrolytes.
That's a, an infusion.
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
Relax already, huh?
I'm just breaking your chops.
Jesus.
It's all right, it's all right.
Just, just back up.
Back him up.
How are you planning on
paying for this little tort?
This should be interesting.
Uh, well,
I, I was sort of hoping
that um, you could-
- Gotcha, gotcha.
But you know the cost of my money, Lucas.
Yes, sir, I do.
I tell you what,
you're practically family, right?
You got yourself a deal,.
Well, thank you, sir.
Carmine, my, my friend?
I was thinking I could
maybe start this franchise
for 700,000?
Hmm.
Let's round it up to a nice mil.
I like things nice and even.
I don't need that much, I-
But a million will work.
Yeah, good.
Come back tomorrow morning.
We'll handle business over
espresso and biscotti.
Thank you, sir.
I can't tell you how
much this means to me.
You pleased me.
Now gonna make yourself scarce, huh?
Unbelievable.
Excuse me, uh, sir.
I think we're
gonna make a lot of money
off this kid.
We could.
Sharon's gone.
It's now or never.
Come on.
Four drops of T-cell emulsion
with the waste from a lion.
This could be what I've been looking for.
No!
You cannot be in here.
What are you doing?
This area is off limits to mere mortals.
And besides, it's none of your concern.
None of our concern?
Coco is our concern.
Where is he?
In the macrophagic incubator.
What?
He's being prepared to
receive the life force.
I demand to see him right now.
What is in there?
I would suggest you do
not venture into a world
that you cannot possibly comprehend.
Comprehend?
My sister is one of the greatest
scientists in the country.
Thanks, Faith.
Well, it's true.
I've never heard of you.
I used to work for Montello.
Well, that doesn't bode well for you.
Well, I'll tell you what-
- No, no, no, no, no!
You must not go into the
ethnobotanic plant sanctuary!
Sounds like there's
an elephant in there,
and a lion and,
and a goat?
Yes, I need that lion.
His waste product is essential
for the proliferation of
a little genus of spoil
that I like to inject into-
- I I, I, I don't understand.
I thought you were a veterinarian.
All life is in a delicate,
dancing give and take.
A merryment, if you will.
I can borrow from one species
and give it to the next.
Whoa, wait.
What exactly are you
borrowing to give to Coco?
Mm-hm.
You know what?
We demand to see him.
Yes.
Please, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I've placed him safely in the sanctuary,
and he must not be disturbed.
You must trust me.
Break in there now,
you'll do more damage than you
can even possibly comprehend.
Trust me, the life force,
it will reverse the damage
caused by the chocolate.
Uh-huh.
Wait, Faith, let Dr. Dogwood work.
Are you sure?
Please, please just save Coco.
I shall, I shall, I shall, I shall!
Oh, can I offer
you some refreshments?
Stop calling me.
Didn't give me this much
attention when we were married.
He's gone.
What, gone where?
I don't understand.
It was going so well.
Sharon will prepare your bill for you.
Wait, we want Coco.
This is highly irregular.
Look, we aren't leaving
here without him, you quack.
If you could just give me more time.
He's already gone.
What could you possibly wanna do with him?
I'll prepare the body for travel.
How could you possibly have
prepared that bill already?
I'm fast.
But Dogwood didn't even save him.
Why don't we just give the
money from the Chapman's?
Okay.
There's $2,100 in there.
Close enough.
Oh, my, my arm.
- Let go, please.
- Okay.
Thank you.
The one with the waggly tail
Rang a dang a dang
Ding dong a dong a dong
Wang a dang a dang dong
Dang a dang a dang
Hello?
Hi, it's, it's Faith.
I, I'm so sorry to call you at this hour.
Is, is anything wrong?
Something happen?
Um,
I, I,
I, I don't really know what to say, I.
No, no, no, no.
Coco?
I'm so sorry.
The vet couldn't save him and I.
All right, now you listen to me,
there's a very large
suitcase in the hallway.
I want you, I want you to put Coco inside,
inside the suitcase
and bring him here to me
in the Hamptons, okay?
Use the money I gave
you for the incidentals.
Mr. Chapman?
Oh no.
No!
Oh, sorry.
Now I'm gonna have a
giant bruise on my arm.
You know, I always have
essential oils in my bag.
Do you want me to put some on your arm?
This is a $5,000 Louis Vuitton suitcase.
How do you know how much that costs?
Did you just Google that?
Yes, in that split second,
I took out my phone so I
could find the exact cost
of a Louis Vuitton suitcase.
You're so funny.
Well, they can't mean
for us to use this.
There must be another one, right?
They're all Louis Vuitton.
Also, by the time we get to the Chapman's,
do you think Coco's gonna start to smell?
Well, why don't we use those
fancy oils in your purse?
Oh.
I think I have.
Yes, I have sandalwood, cedar, and mirth.
If I remember correctly,
those are ancient burial oils.
You think he's gonna come
back to life like you're Jesus?
See, you do pay attention.
Well, we can't use that ratty towel.
Rest in peace, Coco.
I can't believe you slapped my ankle.
"I broke my ankle."
If you had, you'd spring for a cab.
This is why you were alone growing up.
I was alone because you
stole the few friends I had.
I didn't steal your friends.
'Cause I saved them from complete boredom
watching you conduct your
experiments in your gloomy room.
Those experiments were fun.
Hope, you were so outta touch,
nobody but you thought any of
that geeky stuff was any fun.
Can you believe how much I won?
Yes!
Do you think you can
hurry it up just a tad?
Let's go to lunch.
My treat.
Yes, yes.
Oh, where should we go?
Where do we go?
I think we have a fracture.
Come on.
Have you tried that at all?
And for your information,
I wasn't alone in my puny
room because I wanted to be-
- You killed my wife!
What is this nonsense?
What, what?
You dirty rotten loser!
Who do you think you are
trying to rob people in my town?
I don't think so!
You don't know who you're dealing with!
Get him, girls!
Ah!
We're missing the train.
Hurry.
Oh crap.
Oh, careful.
I am so tired I can
barely keep my eyes open.
Now look what you did!
Me?
Now we gotta go manual.
Just pick up the other side.
Manual?
He weights more than he did at the vet.
Can you think.
We didn't have the suitcase before.
Sometimes I wonder about you.
Well, I always wonder about you.
Nice.
Now the train is gone.
Someone loves a coat.
That's so sad.
Yeah, I'm grief stricken.
Maybe I should go get it and
bring it to lost and found.
No.
Hold on, my phone's ringing.
My attorney?
What's he doing up so late?
Says, "Spoke to a forensic
accountant friend of mine,"
"willing to defer payment."
"Looking into Mark's paper trail."
"We may not have to go to trial."
Woohoo, some good new.
See,
all you have to do is just keep the faith.
Sounds like you're trying
to convince yourself.
All right, ready?
Get on that side.
What?
Ready?
Oh, little dog, freaking...
Can I help you?
Yes, yes, yes!
Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Oh!
Oh.
Sorry.
It's okay, hold on.
Long night?
- You could say that.
- Uh-huh.
Sometimes no matter how
methodical you plan things out,
tragedy strikes.
Nothing too that threatening, I hope.
Sudden and unexpected.
I'm sure you did all you could.
We don't think he suffered much.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a delay here
for a coat on a track.
We have a delay, a coat on a track.
A goat?
Did he just say there
was a goat on the tracks?
Dr. Dogwood.
Oh man, oh.
This is a beauty.
You, you don't, you don't,
you don't often see that.
Louis Vuitton on the subway, you see?
Well, thanks again for your help.
Oh, think nothing of it.
- This guy's creeping me out.
- Shh!
I don't think I could
stay awake any longer.
Stop, we have to.
Teebore.
Dr. Cohen, this is
Jacqueline Blackholly.
I, I'm sorry to call so early,
but Mortimer is missing.
Has he contacted you?
Hope, wake up.
The suitcase.
Wake up.
Did they remove the goat?
What goat?
The goat that was on the tracks.
A coat, Hope, a coat.
You should've let me get that coat.
Focus, he's got Coco.
Where's that creepy man?
He's gone.
Oh no.
The Chapman's are never gonna forgive us.
Don't freak out on me.
What time is it anyway?
It's six o'clock.
We've been asleep all night?
Okay, hey,
what we gotta do is we
gotta go call the Chapman's.
You call them.
I can't.
Montello disconnected
my cell phone, remember?
Well I bet you're glad that
you grabbed your cell phone
before Mark took it.
- Oh!
- Mine now!
Wait, I don't have Apple Care!
All right, man, take it easy.
Please, we need help!
Have a seat.
What happened?
Our Louis Vuitton was taken.
And her cell phone.
All right, all right, calm down.
How long has Louie been missing?
No, our suitcase.
The one we had our dead dog in.
A dead dog, you say?
Well, that should be easy to find.
No, we had a lovely
ancient burial ritual.
He smells of roses and seems to be-
- We were house sitting and
taking care of the family dog.
Well, it's not really our dog.
Well,
we were trying to get our
diet chocolate cake funded.
A diet chocolate cake, you say?
Yes.
It's an invention created
by my sister and I
based on our mother's recipe
and my discovery in the Amazon rainforest,
whereby the more cake you
eat, the more weight you lose.
Whereby?
Yes, it is the proper term.
Chocolate cake that
makes you lose weight.
Huh, sign me up.
Wonderful.
Now, if we could just find our dog,
we might still get our cake funded,
whereby you as a consumer
would succeed in your weight loss goals.
Oh, you're a little starchy
this morning, aren't ya?
All right, just, just tell me the facts.
This creepy, swarthy
guy, all disheveled and-
- And he had gloves on.
Suspicious from the start.
Way too invested in the wheel.
Whoa, whoa, ladies, what wheel?
From the runaway suitcase
in the train station.
Weren't you listening?
All right, all right, let
me see if I got this straight.
A swarthy man posed as a model citizen
offered to help you two
ladies in your time of need,
whereby he waited until you fell asleep
and seized the opportunity
and ran off with the deceased.
Sounds to me like he was
doing you a favor.
Well, I can see you're not
gonna be any help at all.
Come on, Hope, let's go.
I thought your job was
to protect and serve.
Yeah.
Ladies, ladies,
don't forget to bring me some
of that chocolate cake now.
What now?
Now it's time for one of your prayers.
I don't think I can.
Who are you and what have
you done with my sister?
I can't pray if I don't feel anything.
You?
Just leave me alone.
Oh no, you don't.
If there is a God,
he's only gonna help us
because of your faith.
I feel like I'm losing my faith.
Prayin', we find
Delancy.
Hey, Gertie.
Yeah, it's always great to hear from ya.
Hey, I had a weird altercation
outside the Chapman's house last night.
Now what's that, you say?
A strange man in a ski mask
was chasing after two women
wheeling a large Louis Vuitton suitcase.
Oh, for sweet mother of pearl.
They were just here.
Let me get back to you.
All right, great.
My husband has gone missing.
When did you see your husband last?
Early last evening.
I gotta give it the 24 hours.
He has just had surgery.
His phone is at home, he is not.
I'm, I'm sure he'll be fine.
Just, you know, give it the 24 hours.
No, I have searched every
place where he might be.
He is nowhere.
These things happen.
You know, you go out with the boys,
I'm sure he's sleeping it off somewhere.
He does not drink.
He is under heavy medication.
He wouldn't just up and leave.
I can see you're upset.
What's your husband's name?
Mortimer Blackholly.
Hey, don't you know.
I met your husband at a benefit
for the Policeman's Athletic League.
Then you know what kind of man he is.
He's a fine man.
All right, what happened?
I was visiting friends, the Chapman's.
The Chapman's?
Huh, now this is interesting.
I just heard about some
strange goings on over there.
What sort of strange goings on?
Morning ladies.
You two here for breakfast or just coffee?
Breakfast.
Do you have a quiet table?
This news
hour brought to by Montello.
Where modifying life force is our passion.
Good morning.
In local news, the Simpsons-
- Okay, thanks, I guess.
Adele, do you have organic eggs here?
Really?
Yes, organic eggs.
Sure, honey.
I'll get those right up.
And would you like
gluten-free pancakes, too?
Organic eggs.
Look around this place?
Eggs come from chickens that
can still walk, I'll be amazed.
I can't eat anything.
Oh, man.
Think I'll let that fine
brew continue aging.
Wonder if their pancakes are any good?
You're going to eat gluten?
Oh crap.
Which one of these was mine?
I didn't notice.
You're not gonna drink that, are you?
Please?
Do you realize the amount of bacteria
that can proliferate in
a small amount of time?
No science lectures
this early in the morning.
I was just smelling it.
Is that my phone?
Girl who lost the cat
was elated to be finally reunited.
The cat, not so much.
I think the other one was your cup.
Don't wanna talk about your attitude.
John, what do you got?
I think I have that
thing you've been wanting.
Ow.
Tell me.
What's it worth to you?
Dinner with me.
I'll cook.
Swarthy man, suitcase on the subway.
All points bulletin for his capture.
Monroe County Helicopter,
grounded helicopter at 980GT,
please confirm last minute
change of departure route.
Confirm helicopter 980GT.
New flight plan was submitted
just before your departure.
Safe flight.
Good morning, this is Christina Portenza
reporting to you from Chopper 1.
Traffic is stalled on
the FDR near Midtown East
and traffic is at a
standstill on 3rd Avenue
due to a large tabby
cat who refuses to move.
And now,
breaking news involving a
suspected suitcase bomber.
What?
Just, just go with it.
What is he doing?
We received an anonymous
tip just moments ago.
It appears this man is
about to drop a suitcase
over the edge to blow up the city.
Or perhaps this is a suicide mission.
He could be writing his
suitcase note right now.
This appears to be some sort of ritual.
It's him!
Let's get Coco.
He is gettin' away.
I need this story.
The suitcase bomber is on the run again.
Stay tuned as I deliver
moment by moment updates.
What was that?
I didn't take this job to be
a traffic girl forever, okay?
This could change all that.
Yeah?
Your little stunt would change
our careers to no careers.
Wait, there he is!
Come on, Hope.
Get outta the road!
Oh, he's up there!
Come on, you okay?
Here, hold my hand.
Come on, hurry.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
There he is.
Stop!
Thief, stop!
He's got Coco.
Faith, wait up.
I'm tired and weak, you know?
Just push through it!
Oh my gosh.
What is that?
I don't know.
It does not look like the
suitcase, so I don't really care.
You don't care?
It looks like there's a person in there.
Okay, you look.
Me?
I'm not gonna look, it stinks.
So why don't we pretend
like we didn't see anything
and go find our suitcase.
You did this all the
time when we were kids.
You don't know how sensitive I am.
I know how sensitive your
head's gonna be when I smack it.
That's it.
I am not moving another
step until I get some food.
There is no food here.
You can go get me some.
I'll go get you some, all right.
Oh, here you are, your highness.
Ah, ugh.
You think I'm gonna bend
over and pick that up?
Look at my hands, they're shaking.
I feel like I'm gonna pass out.
You're so-
There he is, there he is!
Oh.
Come on, come on.
Hurry, Hope, hurry!
Hurry, Hope!
I'm coming.
That is it!
I'm done.
You're done?
I'm as tired as you are,
except I haven't eaten a thing.
You and your stupid chocolate cake idea.
Are you for real?
You're right.
Right.
This was a stupid idea.
I mean, look at us.
We're sitting in an alleyway with a,
who knows what under
that blanket back there.
Chasing some derelict who stole Coco.
I'm not even married anymore.
At least you got married.
I've never even been to a wedding.
How come you come to mine?
'Cause you broke our pact.
Pact?
The one where we would be
each other's Maid of Honor.
I don't remember that.
Of course you don't.
Is that why we stopped getting along?
I guess.
We had fun growing up, right?
Only because I paid for everything.
You were the only had any money.
You could have recycled with me.
You mean rummage through garbage cans.
Truth is, I always wanted
to be your best friend.
Actually, I always wanted to be you.
Why?
Because everyone loved you.
You're the one who
always knew who you were
and where you were going.
Well, I wish I knew that then.
Well, you know it now.
There he is.
Stop!
- Thief!
- Stop!
How dare you steal from us!
Don't even think about moving.
I got a bone to pick with you.
Your call, Chief.
Isn't that the bingo lady?
I guess you don't recognize
the former Chief of Police.
Never did look much like a police chief.
That's what made it so much fun.
So, is this the man who stole your dog?
How did you know we stole our dog?
Delancy told me about you two.
Stories seem to connect.
These women are murderers.
They killed my wife, Mrs.
Jacqueline Blackholly,
and then they put her in that bag.
This can't be Mr. Blackholly.
He's at home recuperating
from hand surgery.
Yeah.
It's is I.
I was afraid my wife was
having an extramarital affair.
Why?
I saw her touching that Lucas Morello.
How could you?
- I was in the bushes.
- Say what?
Oh no, no, no, you misunderstand.
No, I understand you were
trespassing like some voyeur.
I was not.
That gigolo, Lucas, confused my poor wife.
I just wanted to find
out what the truth was.
Then I saw her laying in a
pool of blood on the floor.
That wasn't blood, that was wine.
Okay, enough.
All three of you, into the car right now.
Why?
Why, we didn't, we
didn't do anything wrong.
Wait, what about Coco?
What about Coco?
We are in the middle of
an ongoing investigation
involving a suspected suitcase bomber.
Uh, excuse me.
Can you remove yourself
from my investigation?
- Remove myself?
- Yes.
It appears this good
officer here, and uh,
sir, what, what is your name?
Officer Smith.
Okay, Officer Smith
is trying to suppress
my First Amendment rights.
I am doing no such thing.
I demand that someone
open this suitcase.
My wife is in that case.
And arrest these two women.
What, what, what?
Get the camera on them?
What, you got a problem with me, huh?
Right, you just sounded really-
- There is a twist in the
case of the suitcase bomber.
This man here is only
interested in justice.
Inside of that suitcase
is the body of his wife.
These two women here have
committed a heinous crime.
Okay, that's enough, Miss Portenza.
Turn this thing off and let me
get on with my investigation.
Oh really?
Yes, really.
Unless you wanna spend
the night in the lockup.
Fine, but you haven't seen
the last of me, Officer Smith.
Let's go.
That phony reporter is delusional.
Jacqueline Blackholly?
Please.
Isn't Jacqueline your wife's name?
Yes.
You can't do this.
Hey, stop it!
The Chapman's are waiting
for us to bring Coco.
They're the only ones
who have the accommodation
to the suitcase.
Alfred, hold up.
I just spoke to Delancy.
He said, take the girls
wherever they need to go to.
The Hamptons?
Hope I didn't hurt you.
No.
What about me?
Stay there.
Release that man.
Delancy wants him at the station, now.
Why am I still being taken in?
What?
You don't sound too good.
Oh, Mr. Frangiolini.
Carmine, sir.
So sorry, I, I was,
I was just in the middle
of organizing my notes for our meeting.
Is that so?
Yes, of course.
I'm, I'm very serious about this.
I didn't realize the
seriousness of your commitment.
What does that mean?
It means that my espresso
and biscotti are getting cold.
Oh, crap.
I mean, uh, yes, of, of course.
I'm, I'm so sorry.
I was just about to call
you and let you know why,
why I wasn't there this morning.
Okay, I'm a patient man.
I'm willing to hear your story.
Uh, well, uh,
I, I slipped in, in, in the shower,
and I, I had to go to the
emergency room and it...
Mr. Frangiolini?
Hell, hello, sir, hello?
Piece of work.
Mortimer.
Mortimer.
Jacqueline!
- Oh.
- Oh.
How did you get out of the suitcase?
Suitcase?
You're not dead.
Dead?
I would never leave you alone without me.
But, but...
You look a little feverish.
Let's talk about this later.
But your head was in a pool
of blood at the Chapman's.
Oh darling,
that was just a battle of
Saint-Emilion Grand Cru.
Oh, no.
Well, I hope it wasn't the 2012.
It wasn't, darling.
Oh, charming.
Let's go home.
Is somebody gonna get that?
We have so much to share.
Who's manning
the emergency line?
Well, this is some house.
Yeah, I'll say.
City Pacific,
narcotic suspect, 2424, send LM.
Gee, I didn't know you cared.
Okay, Miss Sarcasm.
Ugh.
Ooh.
I'm so very sorry.
I know how much Coco meant to you.
Thank you, Gertrude.
We were beginning to think you got lost.
Where's my baby?
He's in there.
Delancy needs me back at the station.
Can you find your way back all right?
Yeah, no problem.
I got this.
Evening.
Coco is a tiny little boy.
There was no sweeter dog.
Do you remember Margaret,
the time when we found him
with his adorable little head
inside the refrigerator, eating
the leftover vanilla yogurt?
He had quite a sweet tooth.
Really?
I'm convinced he would've
been happy just eating sweets.
We have something we need to tell you.
Cocoa didn't die of natural causes.
Oh?
We were trying to
work with Jacquelin and-
- At the dinner party.
Mr. Blackholly was supposed to be there,
but actually he was
recovering from hand surgery.
And actually he was hiding in the bushes.
Mortimer, hiding in the bushes?
He thought that Jacqueline
was having an affair.
But he doesn't think that anymore.
We were trying to impress
her with our chocolate cake.
Coco, with his sweet tooth
found it too good to resist.
No way.
He ate it, and, and,
and that's how he died.
We're, we are so sorry.
Please forgive our negligence.
I'm still confused about Mortimer.
- So are we.
- Yeah.
Well, where is he now?
Well, they're taking
him to the police station.
The pol-
Let's revisit this later.
- Okay.
Now I know you feel
horrible about what happened,
but I'm not sure
we could have handled the
situation any differently.
We sure will miss our boy though.
We are so, so sorry.
The truth is, Coco
was actually very ill.
He was living on borrowed time.
I can't think of a
better send off for Coco.
Having your chocolate.
Everyone stop what you're doing.
Lucas?
What, what, what are you doing?
Is that a real gun?
Stay back.
I don't wanna hurt anyone.
I think you should think
this through very carefully.
Charles, do something.
Don't move, I don't wanna hurt anyone.
But what do you want, man?
Secret ingredient.
Oh, well, forget it.
Hope, quiet.
I will not be quiet.
This is our chocolate cake.
And who do you think you are, Lucas?
I'm the guy with the
gun to your sister's head,
and you need to shut
your pretty little mouth.
Wait, I am so sick
and tired of being quiet
and letting everyone walk all over me.
Well, not this time, buddy.
Hope.
Don't, Lucas.
The secret ingredient,
Hope, and I'll let Faith go.
Why should I give it to you?
Hope.
Just let her go
before you do something
you're gonna regret.
You're not gonna be able
to do anything with it.
Proprietary, you don't have the rights.
Well, neither do these two idiots.
They never completed the patent.
Now, Hope.
Hope, please.
Ugh!
I survived Montello.
Do you really think you
are any match for me?
What's that noise?
Is it the suitcase?
- Coco!
- Oh my goodness!
- My guy.
- But he was, he was dead.
He was wrapped in
herbs, and, and in oil,
and we, and we wrapped him like a mommy.
- Dr. Dogwood.
- The life force.
But how?
Stop.
Does anybody see my gun?
Isn't your
secret ingredient in there?
Oh.
Don't move.
Here's your secret ingredient.
After hours of following the case
of the Notorious Suitcase Bomber,
we have an ending only
found in the movies.
It was a simple case of mistaken identity,
and we would like to extend
our sincerest apologies
to the renowned philanthropist,
Mr. Mortimer Blackholly.
In his dangerous opioid induced state,
the chivalrous Mr. Blackholly
believed his wife to be in grave danger.
His unbridled passion for
her shows just what lengths,
a man will go for his true love.
Hi.
Hey, I owe you.
Polanski says to cut the
prescription drug talk.
Breaking news.
In a bizarre twist,
the two sisters who Mortimer Blackholly
believed murdered his wife
turn out to be heroes.
At gunpoint, the real
perpetrator trying to steal
their soon-to-be famous
chocolate cake recipe
was apprehended by the two sisters.
Well, uh, thank you, Faith
Appletree and Hope Johnson
for making the streets of New York
a little bit safer tonight.
And wherever you are, all of
us here at Channel 27 News
wish you the best of luck
with your new chocolate cake recipe.
A chocolate cake that
makes you lose weight?
Wow.
Roy, ugh!
Roy, Roy, Roy,
you think you might wanna
turn the camera off, huh?
What an idea.
Good afternoon,
and welcome to the grand
opening of Cocoa Cakes.
The only chocolate cake in the world
that makes you lose weight.
Boss, you gotta see this.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, this, this
was the cake Lucas had.
Come on, let's go.
Let's get down there.
Coco, oh no, you don't.
Again.
Oh, Hope.
I'm so sorry to bother
you on your opening,
but I thought you should know,
Montello thinks that you invented
the formula for Cocoa Cakes
while you were still working there.
But that's not true.
You don't think they
could do anything, do you?
I don't know, but
I'm here for you, Hope.
You know that, right?
Well, well, well, look at you.
I couldn't believe my
eyes when I saw you on TV.
My heart literally skipped a
beat seeing your face again.
I've been missing you, Faithy.
Faithy, really?
Oh, baby, come on.
I was just giving you the
time to find yourself.
I did.
Do you wanna know what I found?
You couldn't live without me?
I found a great forensic accountant.
I hear the Cayman's are
lovely this time of year.
I don't know what you're
doing there, Mark,
but if you have any delusions
of laying claim to this bakery,
you're gonna find that this Faith
is someone you don't wanna mess with.
So what are you saying?
Sign the divorce papers.
We'll call it even.
Doesn't sound like a good deal for me.
Sounds like a fair deal to me, Mark.
Can I get you a pen to sign those papers?
I have a lot of pens.
I'll sign right away, I promise.
Get him outta here.
You're welcome.
Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll.
Never a dull moment
with these two sisters.
What does a mob boss want
with a chocolate cake?
Can I help you?
This little enterprise of yours
has become very interesting to me.
Interesting?
I uh, I was lucky enough to sample
some of this delicious
cake from a Lucas Morello.
How do you know Lucas?
He's an associate.
Right, so um,
thank you, Mr?
Frangiolini.
Carmine Frangiolini.
Right.
I don't really think we're
gonna need your help,
Mr. Frangiolini.
I'm pretty sure you didn't hear me.
We would like to make you an offer.
But I can see that you're busy today,
so I will come back at
a more convenient time
to discuss our future business.
Ciao.
Hey, thanks for being my
knight in shining armor.
I wondered what happened to you.
I spent the last few months
working on my chivalry.
Ah.
Help any damsels in New York?
You tell me.
Come on, everyone.
To Cocoa Cakes' bright
and prosperous future,
and to new relationships.
Here, here!
Get so much outta that.
Yep.
How lame was I?
Hi, Mr. Frangiolini.
Miss Portenza, traffic
girl with an imagination.
What can I do for you?
Mr. Frangiolini.
Mr. Frangiolini, wait, wait, wait.
Please, please.
Hi.
Hi, Mr. Frangiolini.
I, I have something I wanna run past ya.
Miss Portenza, traffic
girl with imagination.
What can I do for you?
Traffic girl.
Well, I uh,
I don't know many traffic girls
who create their own TV content.
Good for you.
I'm sure your little traffic
show will be spellbinding.
Oh, it will be.
It's gonna be a gripping expose
into the New York underworld.
Listen little girl,
I run a clean business.
And you should keep that
vivid imagination to yourself.
Wait, there's a guy in a white lab coat
running in circles.
Dr. Dogwood.
No, don't hurt him!
What's going on?
Apparently some elephant got loose
that was running away from
that guy in the lab coat.
- An elephant?
- Yeah, an elephant.
- You're kidding me?
- I am not kidding you.
- An elephant!
- Why would you hurt him?
This elephant had a tube
coming out of his neck
for supposedly this rainforest
infusion from Dr. Dogwood.
I'm not so sure he's gonna do it
or how long it's gonna take.
Okay, well see if he can hustle it up.
Okay, whatever.
He's only an animal!
You killed Coco with your life force.
We'll never forgive you!
Oh, bet he's shaking in his boots now.
He just ran in front
of my car the other day.
Uh, uh.
Uh.
Uh,
well.
Here's your secret ingredient.
- Yeah!
- That's great.
- That's it.
- Great.
Cut, you got it.
Ooh!
You okay?
Okay, come on, we gotta go.
Relax, Hope, I'm an excellent driver.
There's no brake on your side, Hope.
Oh my god, Faith,
you're always in such a rush!
Stop it.
Oh, nice of you to join us.
I like that shirt, it's a nice pop.
Thank you, I know
it's good looking on me.
If you'd quit getting your head bashed in
at your football games,
you might actually have
some brain cells left.
Excuse me?
You're so supercilious, it's disgusting.
All right.
Oh, are you goin'?
Hey, you forgot your broom.
Ugh, ygh!
Foreclosure, really?
There's no way we lost both
the house and the business.
Faith, you heard the judge.
You're gonna have plenty of
time to straighten things out
before your next court date.
If this preliminary
hearing is any indication
of what's gonna happen,
you're such a liar!
I'm sorry, Faith.
My next client's here.
I'll have to call you later.
By the way,
I never missed a single
one of your college games.
You had some arm.
Thanks.
You and I both know you're lying,
and I'm gonna prove it.
Well, good luck with that.
Hey, wanna get a bite to eat?
Sure.
My next client's...
And that's for you.
Have a good day.
So unfair.
Everything is gone.
You can stay with me
until you sort this out.
Thanks, Hope.
There is only one place
to go at a time like this.
Oh, it looks exactly the same.
I know.
- Let's go in.
- Okay.
Mm, oh my gosh.
Do you remember the
last time we were here?
With mom.
She loved this place.
I think she made excuses
to come to New York
just to come here.
I miss those times.
Here's to you, mom,
the queen of chocolate.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
- Oh, careful!
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
It's my boss.
Well then answer it.
Yeah, I'm calling you about my Corvette.
It was impounded.
Yeah, I, I'm not
interfering with your profits.
My proposals will actually increase them.
Yeah, 212-789.
Yeah, well, I have a
conscience, you know?
It wasn't impounded.
Well, the public,
they're becoming aware of
the dangers of Frankenfood.
- Repossessed?
- I quit.
My car was repossessed.
I quit my job.
You've been declined.
That's it.
Joseph, hey, it's Faith.
Hey.
Yeah, I, I want you to get
us into court right away.
Faith, I already told you,
the courts are backed up
for another six months.
How is that even possible?
Look, while you wait,
I recommend that you hire
a forensic accountant.
With what?
I don't have any money.
I'm sorry, Faith.
I can't even afford
to lease a kitchen or,
or to hire a baking staff.
Maybe you should
take these next six months
to find an investor.
Well, that is just great.
You know, Mark handled all the finances.
I don't even know where to start.
I remember this kid.
Oh, do my eyes deceive me or what?
Lucas Morello.
Mr. Frangiolini.
Look at you, eh,
you're all grown up now.
Call me Carmine.
Well, thank you, sir.
Well, Carmine, you
haven't changed one bit.
What are you blind?
Last time I weighed myself
was at a truck stop.
Hey, , huh.
Sit down.
I haven't seen you
since you and Paolo was
friends in high school.
So where you been?
That's what I'm here to talk about, sir.
I've been working as an
assistant for a rich lady.
A very rich lady.
I took your advice.
I've been getting some
business experience.
She's an investor.
Good for you, good for you.
That's great.
I'm thinking maybe you could
use someone of my talents.
I could possibly be an asset
to the family business.
Wait a minute.
What, what did you say?
Well, I finally graduated college
and got some life experience.
You said I could come see
you when I felt ready.
So you're ready?
Yes, sir, I am ready.
What can you offer me?
I, I don't understand.
Listen, you don't just Walt in here
and think I'm gonna open up my arms
and welcome you into my family.
It don't work that way, kid.
What do I need to do?
You bring me a business deal.
What kind of business deal?
What kind of business deal?
The kind of business
deal that makes money.
And then we can talk.
Let's see what you're made of, capeesh?
Sure, sure.
I can do that.
All right, go do it.
Piece of work.
Oh, hi, Teebore.
It's really true.
What?
You don't know what
you've got till it's gone.
Uh...
Well, I, we, we, ,
uh, we just wanted you to know
how much we are going to miss you.
Everyone knows your value.
Was there anything else?
Uh.
Here, think of me when you look at it.
Well, I guess I'll be
looking at it a lot then.
Oh, oh.
Here.
Faith, are you sleeping?
Cute.
What?
Oh, mom's scrap book.
Come on.
There's the microscope cake
she made for your ninth birthday.
She was so creative.
Way ahead of her time.
Do you remember when you
were going to science camp
and you got the flu,
and mom made that chocolate concoction.
You had the miraculous recovery.
Triptofem, serotonin,
and Phenethylamine?
Of course I felt better.
And it was loaded with antioxidants.
Someone should make a cake
that's actually good for you.
Like a chocolate cake without gluten.
Ooh, one that makes you
lose weight.
Wait, wait.
You, you could be onto something.
Yeah right,
like a cake could actually
make you lose weight.
I was developing something
like this on my own.
Remember when I interviewed at Montello
and then I didn't hear from
them for like six months
so I went to the Amazon?
I found this rare flower that
the locals said never to eat.
Is it poisonous?
No, they have a food shortage there.
Okay, and this relates to cake how?
They said eating it would
make you lose too much weight.
Did you tell them there's no such thing?
Okay, whatever.
And this rare flower?
I analyzed the cellular
structure of the stamen,
the haploid nucleus, the embryo sac.
How the diploid cell divides-
- Kinda losing me?
I found a unique compound
that triggers weight loss.
Now you got my attention.
I remember something
about the cacao bean
acting as an accelerant.
Sorry.
Blah!
Are my taste buds deceiving
me or is this one really good?
It's fantastic.
Wait, we did it?
We did it.
We did it!
That concludes today's sermon.
Everyone go in peace.
Yeah, it smells nice.
He does a good job.
Yeah.
It's really good.
Nice church, it's pretty.
I know, it's so beautiful.
I love coming here.
I don't remember seeing
Coco in church this morning.
Yeah well, he got his tail
caught in the heater vent.
Oh, he's fine now,
but he didn't seem like
he wanted to be alone, so.
- Ladies.
- Hi.
I lost 20 Pounds eating
your chocolate cake.
- Really?
- Great.
Where can I get some more?
Oh, there's a signup
sheet in the dining hall.
Congratulations.
Yeah, you look good.
What are we going to do?
We can't afford all these supplies.
I know.
We need an attorney and
we need to patent this.
I mean, do, do we need a storefront?
Or maybe we should do online sales.
No, we need an investor.
Hey, what about the Chapman's?
Who?
Over there.
You met them through mom that
summer she stayed in New York.
Looks okay now.
Oh, we had lunch at
their place in Edgewater.
See, you do remember.
I haven't talked to them since then.
Come on.
I'll go talk to them.
Go work your magic.
So Pastor, we've been hearing so much
about that mysterious chocolate cake.
Well, the inventors
are right over there.
Okay you two, this is it.
You have the house for the weekend.
Thank you.
All right now,
Margaret and I will be available by phone
if you need anything, of course.
And uh you, be a good
boy for Faith and Hope.
You hear me?
Yes, you will.
Don't worry, we'll take
really good care of him.
Yeah, I wish we could take
him with us, but you know,
we're a little bit nervous
about the big pool remodel
in the Hampton House.
What a mess.
Don't worry, we love dogs.
He'll be great.
Come on, Coco, come on!
Oh, and uh-
- Listen, I just want,
I wanna thank you for
setting this meeting up
with the Blackhollys.
It's really nice.
Well your timing is impeccable.
Really?
I mean, I happen to know
that they're looking for
a really good investment.
I mean, something special.
- Really?
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, and um,
I know you girls are having
a little financial situation, okay?
So that's a little
something for incidentals.
Use it at your discretion.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, and also,
please help yourself downstairs
to a couple of bottles in the cellar.
Anything you want.
Oh, you gotta make this
dinner really special.
Oh, that is very kind.
Are you sure?
Absolutely.
Listen, I know Jacqueline, okay?
And a couple of bottles of Grand Cru,
believe me, are not gonna hurt, 100%.
Thank you.
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
- Bye-bye, Coco.
- Bye.
- Have a good trip.
- Bye.
Where did you get that?
Mr. Chapman.
He's offered for $2,000 for incidentals.
Oh, thank you.
Come on, let's go get started.
Come on, Coco.
Hi Coco.
Oh, such a good boy.
- Coco, come here.
- Such a good boy.
Oh, Coco.
Coco, move.
What would you like me to do?
Uh, take the appetizers
outta the refridge
and put them in the oven.
Hope, what are you doing?
Sorry, sorry, I got lost for a second.
Don't.
I need you fully plugged in.
Coco, move, stop.
How do you make him stay?
Ask him in a nice voice.
Do I look like the dog whisperer?
Man, you are in a mood.
No, I just want tonight to be perfect
and it will be as long
as you behave, Coco.
Oh, you are gonna be such a good boy.
Yes, you are.
You are, Coco.
Hope, can you just put the
appetizers in the oven, please?
Man, you are so crabby.
Am not.
- Is he calling again?
- Yes.
What does he want?
I have no idea.
There's nothing left for him to take.
You think he knows about the cake?
Oh, I hope so.
I hope Montello does, too.
No, the less Montello knows, the better.
Trust me.
Oh, come on, Hope.
Forget about them.
This is your chance to change the world
and show those creeps what they lost.
Yeah, I never said I
wanted to change the world.
Oh yeah, you did.
See.
How do you have that?
I don't know.
I used to show it to my friends.
We'd have a really good laugh.
Oh, I'm sorry, Hope.
Coco!
Oh no, get down.
He needs to go in another room.
No, no, no, no.
Margaret said they he
will claw at the door.
Oh whatever.
And pick up that toy
before somebody trips.
Come on, Coco.
Come on, Coco, come on.
Morning.
I'm not sure you should be taking a bath
on those pain pills.
Oh, I'm fine, my dear.
I can smell your perfume.
Are you going out?
Yes, I told you yesterday.
I'm meeting friends of
the Chapman's as a favor.
You did?
Huh.
And I told you that I would
cancel and you told me not to.
Well, perhaps you did.
I forget that.
Sure, I did.
Are you taking that assistant with you?
His name is Lucas and, yes.
Hmm, I see.
Oh, darling,
you know that Lucas is nothing
more than an assistant to me.
Ah, yes, but pumpkin, I can't be there.
Please remember not to
get your stitches wet.
And remember that Dr. Cohen told you
those pills are very strong.
Please use them sparingly.
Yes, of course, my dear.
I'm off.
Ta!
Okay.
Oh, do we remember the wine?
Yeah.
Saint-Emilion Grand Cru.
Is that any good?
I hope, it's French.
$250 a bottle.
Huh, okay.
Our pitch package.
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Oh, you know what?
Let's move this somewhere
high so Coco doesn't get it.
Is something burning?
My croutons!
Oh, crap!
Oh man, oh.
Coco, move.
Oh, I'm sorry, boy.
You're a good boy.
Wow, this is some place.
Who lives here?
The Chapman's.
They gonna be here tonight?
No, it's just Faith and Hope.
Now what?
What the heck is the matter with you?
The doorbell scared me.
Okay, let's relax.
Tonight is the beginning
of an amazing life, right?
Okay, I'll go get the door,
and I hate when you use that voice.
Funny.
For you to leave Mortimer at home,
this idea must be some money maker.
Hm, we shall see.
Pull, not push.
Hi.
Hello.
I'm Faith.
Thank you.
Oh, why don't you come on in?
Oh, oh, oh.
I'm sorry, go ahead.
Thank you.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Hi.
Hi!
Oh, I am so sorry.
I hope you didn't hurt your hand.
Oh.
Because you're so strong and handsome.
Hope.
I am really, really,
really sorry, Mr. Blackholly.
Unfortunately, Mr.
Blackholly has had surgery
and won't be with us this evening.
This is Lucas Morello, and
I am Jacqueline Blackholly.
It's so nice to finally meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi.
Hi.
I'm really sorry to
hear about Mr. Blackholly.
Well, thank you.
He uh, would love to be here,
but he's in so much pain.
Wonderful.
I mean, not, not wonderful
that he's in pain.
Just, I, I didn't mean that.
I just, that you got to bring your friend.
Is it serious?
Mr. Blackholly's injury?
Well, it is painful and
a little embarrassing.
Yeah.
He had an altercation with a nail gun
that one of our carpenters left behind.
Ouch.
Yes, he is on some pretty
stiff pain medication,
so I'm pretty sure he's fast asleep.
Oh, well, I I hope he
has a speedy recovery.
So do I.
Lucas is my personal assistant,
and I thought he could lend
a younger man's perspective
to your new invention.
Well, um,
why don't you to go have
a seat in the living room
and I'll bring out some appetizers.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Oh, I, I can take this.
Here, it's just right through here?
Thank you.
Go on.
Go ahead.
What, what did I do now?
Lucas didn't sign the
non-disclosure agreement.
We don't know him from Adam.
Who's Adam?
Oh my gosh.
You are worrying too much.
We are covered.
Okay.
So, Jacqueline, I was, I was
kind of wondering about this-
- Oh!
Whoa, whoa!
Drinks?
Geez, dog.
I reviewed the proposal you
sent me and I was intrigued.
But after seeing the complete package,
I must say that this is very exciting.
Really?
Does your idea have a patent?
Of course.
Gluten-free cake that
makes you lose weight?
Ladies, you definitely
have a good idea here.
Thank you.
Now, how does it work?
Well, that's proprietary.
Ah, a secret ingredient.
Yes, the secret ingredient.
Yeah, but I must admit,
I'm a little skeptical.
I mean, gluten free?
Well, I can't wait to taste it.
Well, would you like some now?
I mean, I can bring it
out with some coffee.
Do you mind if we take a moment
before we sample your wonderful cake?
Of course.
Take your time.
I'd like to go out to the
garden for some fresh air.
This place even has a garden?
What'd you say the Chapman's do for money?
I didn't.
Hope, don't be such a clutz.
What did I do now?
Oh.
Isn't the fountain lovely, Lucas?
If this cake is real, what
do you think it's worth?
Possibly the greatest weight
loss creation in history.
Really?
So whoever owns this
will definitely be rich.
I would say so.
I assume you're planning
on buying this cash cow
right for Blackholly and Associates
for as little as possible.
I don't do business like that, Lucas.
No, no, no,
of course not.
I, I did, I didn't mean to imply, I just.
Oh, oh!
What the hell?
Oh my God!
What was that splashing noise?
Sound of our dreams
drowning in the fountain.
What?
Okay, you need to go get a robe
and a towel for Jacqueline.
Come on, come on.
All right.
Come on inside.
We'll get you a towel.
Lucas.
Oh, hey.
Delicious dinner.
I can't wait to taste that cake.
Uh-huh.
If anyone can make
gluten free taste good,
it's probably you.
So what are you looking for?
Oh.
Just, I'm really intrigued
by, by, by this cake.
You're gonna make a great
face for the company.
A face?
You know, you're a
real looker and smart.
Right.
So how long have you worked
for Blackholly and Associates?
Uh, well.
Oh.
Okay.
Oh!
Oh, did I do that?
No, no, no, no.
No need to fuss over me, Jacqueline.
No, no.
Listen, I'll just, I'll
run home and change, okay?
Save me a piece of that cake.
Excuse me.
Okay.
Why don't you go relax on the
couch and I'll get the cake.
Oh, that sounds lovely.
Okay.
I'm so sorry.
Can I help?
No, no, no, no.
Absolutely not.
You're our guest.
Come on, let's go sit down.
Get you warmed up.
There you go.
Yeah.
Oh no, oh no!
Oh, oh my gosh!
Hun.
Oh.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, I'll take care of Coco.
I'll take care of Jacqueline.
I'm all right, take care of the dog.
Of course, you're right.
Oh no, oh.
Town & Country Veterinary
is open 24 hours.
Right,
Are, are you sure you're okay?
I just called a cab.
Okay.
Come on.
We'll be back as fast as we can.
Go, go, save Coco.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
Mortimer, I assume you're asleep by now.
Things got a bit crazy here,
and I'm gonna stay for a little while
and wait for Faith and Hope to come back.
Call me if you need me.
Bye.
Oh, it's okay, Coco, it's okay.
Oh my!
Sharon, our dog, he's-
- Eh, eh, eh, not Sharon, Sharon.
What?
Our, our, our dog, he ate chocolate.
We think he's dying.
Oh honey, is it breathing?
Yes, but he is making
this awful, awful noise.
Dr. Dogwood!
Oh, so his name is funny to you?
- No, no, no, no.
- No, no, no.
Perhaps another vet
might meet your standards.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
We're very sorry.
We just are very concerned about our dog.
We didn't mean any disrespect.
Dr. Dogwood will be here in a moment.
Please have a seat.
But Coco is really sick.
Where is the patient?
He's right here.
Ah, mm,
yes, I see.
Hm.
This is going to require some tests.
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
A blood work up.
Yes, yes, yes.
Stool and urine samples.
A transdermal plasmectomy.
Are you just making this up?
He ate chocolate.
Can't you just pump his stomach?
My dear uneducated plebeian,
we are far beyond the
stomach pumping stage.
Please, just save Coco.
Hope, I've never seen you so assertive.
Oh, should I ask him to forgive me?
No, it was great.
Let's go sit down.
Hello?
Is anybody here?
Faith, Hope?
What happened here?
Hm.
It's actually good.
Faith, Hope?
Bingo.
I guess they aren't home.
Huh.
Ooh, Reggie.
I'm not too busy.
I miss you too, honey.
Yes, as soon as I'm finished
here, baby, I'll be right home.
Should we go in?
I don't know, Sharon is right there.
I know, she scares me.
Oh no you didn't!
I'm at work.
Oh my, Reggie, stop it.
Whatever you want, baby.
Oh, that was close.
Okay, we'll give dogwood one hour,
and then we're going in.
That's a love, a pizza pie
Have another pizza pie, you're in love
Love love, love, we're in love
Well the doors open wide like
a noodle through the night
We're in love
Love love, love, we're in love
Well your friends are over here
And your family's over
there, yeah it's love
Love love, love, we're in love
That's a love a pizza pie
And another big surprise we're in love
Hey, , Lucas.
Mr. Frangiolini.
Guido, sir.
Back so soon, huh?
I don't let the grass
grow under my feet.
This kid's ambitious.
I'll give him that.
What could I do you for, Lucas?
Well, sir, with all due respect,
I have something I know
you're gonna find interesting.
You think you know
what I find interesting?
It's a new kind of cake.
I mean, you like cake, right?
Well, this one's gluten
free, but get this,
the more you eat, the
more weight you lose.
What, are you nuts?
All right, relax, relax, relax.
You think I got to the
size eating some fruity,
new age, alfalfa grass?
Well, sorry, Carmine,
what I wanted to say is
I brought you a sample.
Here, just...
Uh.
What, are you supposed
to smoke this or eat it?
Here, just,
mush it.
Here, tada.
Here, you first.
Oh, you want me to be the Guinea pig?
Yeah, go ahead.
Try it.
Come here.
Knock yourself out.
Let me see.
Mm, not bad.
Give me this.
This better be good.
You know what happens to anyone
that makes me unhappy, right?
Mama mia.
You come up with this on your own?
I knew you would like it.
This cake is too delicious
to be good for you.
If I didn't know better,
I would swear that this is the real thing.
Wait a minute.
You're not try to pull
something over on me, are you?
No, no, I have the recipe right here.
Gimme this.
Wait a minute.
What's this?
Secret ingredients.
Not to worry.
Something's fishy here,
boss, something stinks.
Isn't that the most important thing?
Um, well, it's, it, you
know, it, it's, um, it,
it's very complex.
Try me.
Well uh, well uh, you know,
you know when you mix
alkaline and, and, and acid?
Like olive oil and vinegar, right?
Um, well, that it, it forms
a proprietary molecule,
and that sort of conglomerates
with some other things
and sort of oxidizes.
There's an oxidation that occurs and it,
it mixes and it, it, it pasteurizers,
and it sort of combines and flems up
and then there's sort of a chain reaction,
an infusion, if you will.
You're so intelligent yourself,
you would know, of electrolytes.
That's a, an infusion.
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
Relax already, huh?
I'm just breaking your chops.
Jesus.
It's all right, it's all right.
Just, just back up.
Back him up.
How are you planning on
paying for this little tort?
This should be interesting.
Uh, well,
I, I was sort of hoping
that um, you could-
- Gotcha, gotcha.
But you know the cost of my money, Lucas.
Yes, sir, I do.
I tell you what,
you're practically family, right?
You got yourself a deal,.
Well, thank you, sir.
Carmine, my, my friend?
I was thinking I could
maybe start this franchise
for 700,000?
Hmm.
Let's round it up to a nice mil.
I like things nice and even.
I don't need that much, I-
But a million will work.
Yeah, good.
Come back tomorrow morning.
We'll handle business over
espresso and biscotti.
Thank you, sir.
I can't tell you how
much this means to me.
You pleased me.
Now gonna make yourself scarce, huh?
Unbelievable.
Excuse me, uh, sir.
I think we're
gonna make a lot of money
off this kid.
We could.
Sharon's gone.
It's now or never.
Come on.
Four drops of T-cell emulsion
with the waste from a lion.
This could be what I've been looking for.
No!
You cannot be in here.
What are you doing?
This area is off limits to mere mortals.
And besides, it's none of your concern.
None of our concern?
Coco is our concern.
Where is he?
In the macrophagic incubator.
What?
He's being prepared to
receive the life force.
I demand to see him right now.
What is in there?
I would suggest you do
not venture into a world
that you cannot possibly comprehend.
Comprehend?
My sister is one of the greatest
scientists in the country.
Thanks, Faith.
Well, it's true.
I've never heard of you.
I used to work for Montello.
Well, that doesn't bode well for you.
Well, I'll tell you what-
- No, no, no, no, no!
You must not go into the
ethnobotanic plant sanctuary!
Sounds like there's
an elephant in there,
and a lion and,
and a goat?
Yes, I need that lion.
His waste product is essential
for the proliferation of
a little genus of spoil
that I like to inject into-
- I I, I, I don't understand.
I thought you were a veterinarian.
All life is in a delicate,
dancing give and take.
A merryment, if you will.
I can borrow from one species
and give it to the next.
Whoa, wait.
What exactly are you
borrowing to give to Coco?
Mm-hm.
You know what?
We demand to see him.
Yes.
Please, no!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I've placed him safely in the sanctuary,
and he must not be disturbed.
You must trust me.
Break in there now,
you'll do more damage than you
can even possibly comprehend.
Trust me, the life force,
it will reverse the damage
caused by the chocolate.
Uh-huh.
Wait, Faith, let Dr. Dogwood work.
Are you sure?
Please, please just save Coco.
I shall, I shall, I shall, I shall!
Oh, can I offer
you some refreshments?
Stop calling me.
Didn't give me this much
attention when we were married.
He's gone.
What, gone where?
I don't understand.
It was going so well.
Sharon will prepare your bill for you.
Wait, we want Coco.
This is highly irregular.
Look, we aren't leaving
here without him, you quack.
If you could just give me more time.
He's already gone.
What could you possibly wanna do with him?
I'll prepare the body for travel.
How could you possibly have
prepared that bill already?
I'm fast.
But Dogwood didn't even save him.
Why don't we just give the
money from the Chapman's?
Okay.
There's $2,100 in there.
Close enough.
Oh, my, my arm.
- Let go, please.
- Okay.
Thank you.
The one with the waggly tail
Rang a dang a dang
Ding dong a dong a dong
Wang a dang a dang dong
Dang a dang a dang
Hello?
Hi, it's, it's Faith.
I, I'm so sorry to call you at this hour.
Is, is anything wrong?
Something happen?
Um,
I, I,
I, I don't really know what to say, I.
No, no, no, no.
Coco?
I'm so sorry.
The vet couldn't save him and I.
All right, now you listen to me,
there's a very large
suitcase in the hallway.
I want you, I want you to put Coco inside,
inside the suitcase
and bring him here to me
in the Hamptons, okay?
Use the money I gave
you for the incidentals.
Mr. Chapman?
Oh no.
No!
Oh, sorry.
Now I'm gonna have a
giant bruise on my arm.
You know, I always have
essential oils in my bag.
Do you want me to put some on your arm?
This is a $5,000 Louis Vuitton suitcase.
How do you know how much that costs?
Did you just Google that?
Yes, in that split second,
I took out my phone so I
could find the exact cost
of a Louis Vuitton suitcase.
You're so funny.
Well, they can't mean
for us to use this.
There must be another one, right?
They're all Louis Vuitton.
Also, by the time we get to the Chapman's,
do you think Coco's gonna start to smell?
Well, why don't we use those
fancy oils in your purse?
Oh.
I think I have.
Yes, I have sandalwood, cedar, and mirth.
If I remember correctly,
those are ancient burial oils.
You think he's gonna come
back to life like you're Jesus?
See, you do pay attention.
Well, we can't use that ratty towel.
Rest in peace, Coco.
I can't believe you slapped my ankle.
"I broke my ankle."
If you had, you'd spring for a cab.
This is why you were alone growing up.
I was alone because you
stole the few friends I had.
I didn't steal your friends.
'Cause I saved them from complete boredom
watching you conduct your
experiments in your gloomy room.
Those experiments were fun.
Hope, you were so outta touch,
nobody but you thought any of
that geeky stuff was any fun.
Can you believe how much I won?
Yes!
Do you think you can
hurry it up just a tad?
Let's go to lunch.
My treat.
Yes, yes.
Oh, where should we go?
Where do we go?
I think we have a fracture.
Come on.
Have you tried that at all?
And for your information,
I wasn't alone in my puny
room because I wanted to be-
- You killed my wife!
What is this nonsense?
What, what?
You dirty rotten loser!
Who do you think you are
trying to rob people in my town?
I don't think so!
You don't know who you're dealing with!
Get him, girls!
Ah!
We're missing the train.
Hurry.
Oh crap.
Oh, careful.
I am so tired I can
barely keep my eyes open.
Now look what you did!
Me?
Now we gotta go manual.
Just pick up the other side.
Manual?
He weights more than he did at the vet.
Can you think.
We didn't have the suitcase before.
Sometimes I wonder about you.
Well, I always wonder about you.
Nice.
Now the train is gone.
Someone loves a coat.
That's so sad.
Yeah, I'm grief stricken.
Maybe I should go get it and
bring it to lost and found.
No.
Hold on, my phone's ringing.
My attorney?
What's he doing up so late?
Says, "Spoke to a forensic
accountant friend of mine,"
"willing to defer payment."
"Looking into Mark's paper trail."
"We may not have to go to trial."
Woohoo, some good new.
See,
all you have to do is just keep the faith.
Sounds like you're trying
to convince yourself.
All right, ready?
Get on that side.
What?
Ready?
Oh, little dog, freaking...
Can I help you?
Yes, yes, yes!
Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you!
Oh!
Oh.
Sorry.
It's okay, hold on.
Long night?
- You could say that.
- Uh-huh.
Sometimes no matter how
methodical you plan things out,
tragedy strikes.
Nothing too that threatening, I hope.
Sudden and unexpected.
I'm sure you did all you could.
We don't think he suffered much.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we have a delay here
for a coat on a track.
We have a delay, a coat on a track.
A goat?
Did he just say there
was a goat on the tracks?
Dr. Dogwood.
Oh man, oh.
This is a beauty.
You, you don't, you don't,
you don't often see that.
Louis Vuitton on the subway, you see?
Well, thanks again for your help.
Oh, think nothing of it.
- This guy's creeping me out.
- Shh!
I don't think I could
stay awake any longer.
Stop, we have to.
Teebore.
Dr. Cohen, this is
Jacqueline Blackholly.
I, I'm sorry to call so early,
but Mortimer is missing.
Has he contacted you?
Hope, wake up.
The suitcase.
Wake up.
Did they remove the goat?
What goat?
The goat that was on the tracks.
A coat, Hope, a coat.
You should've let me get that coat.
Focus, he's got Coco.
Where's that creepy man?
He's gone.
Oh no.
The Chapman's are never gonna forgive us.
Don't freak out on me.
What time is it anyway?
It's six o'clock.
We've been asleep all night?
Okay, hey,
what we gotta do is we
gotta go call the Chapman's.
You call them.
I can't.
Montello disconnected
my cell phone, remember?
Well I bet you're glad that
you grabbed your cell phone
before Mark took it.
- Oh!
- Mine now!
Wait, I don't have Apple Care!
All right, man, take it easy.
Please, we need help!
Have a seat.
What happened?
Our Louis Vuitton was taken.
And her cell phone.
All right, all right, calm down.
How long has Louie been missing?
No, our suitcase.
The one we had our dead dog in.
A dead dog, you say?
Well, that should be easy to find.
No, we had a lovely
ancient burial ritual.
He smells of roses and seems to be-
- We were house sitting and
taking care of the family dog.
Well, it's not really our dog.
Well,
we were trying to get our
diet chocolate cake funded.
A diet chocolate cake, you say?
Yes.
It's an invention created
by my sister and I
based on our mother's recipe
and my discovery in the Amazon rainforest,
whereby the more cake you
eat, the more weight you lose.
Whereby?
Yes, it is the proper term.
Chocolate cake that
makes you lose weight.
Huh, sign me up.
Wonderful.
Now, if we could just find our dog,
we might still get our cake funded,
whereby you as a consumer
would succeed in your weight loss goals.
Oh, you're a little starchy
this morning, aren't ya?
All right, just, just tell me the facts.
This creepy, swarthy
guy, all disheveled and-
- And he had gloves on.
Suspicious from the start.
Way too invested in the wheel.
Whoa, whoa, ladies, what wheel?
From the runaway suitcase
in the train station.
Weren't you listening?
All right, all right, let
me see if I got this straight.
A swarthy man posed as a model citizen
offered to help you two
ladies in your time of need,
whereby he waited until you fell asleep
and seized the opportunity
and ran off with the deceased.
Sounds to me like he was
doing you a favor.
Well, I can see you're not
gonna be any help at all.
Come on, Hope, let's go.
I thought your job was
to protect and serve.
Yeah.
Ladies, ladies,
don't forget to bring me some
of that chocolate cake now.
What now?
Now it's time for one of your prayers.
I don't think I can.
Who are you and what have
you done with my sister?
I can't pray if I don't feel anything.
You?
Just leave me alone.
Oh no, you don't.
If there is a God,
he's only gonna help us
because of your faith.
I feel like I'm losing my faith.
Prayin', we find
Delancy.
Hey, Gertie.
Yeah, it's always great to hear from ya.
Hey, I had a weird altercation
outside the Chapman's house last night.
Now what's that, you say?
A strange man in a ski mask
was chasing after two women
wheeling a large Louis Vuitton suitcase.
Oh, for sweet mother of pearl.
They were just here.
Let me get back to you.
All right, great.
My husband has gone missing.
When did you see your husband last?
Early last evening.
I gotta give it the 24 hours.
He has just had surgery.
His phone is at home, he is not.
I'm, I'm sure he'll be fine.
Just, you know, give it the 24 hours.
No, I have searched every
place where he might be.
He is nowhere.
These things happen.
You know, you go out with the boys,
I'm sure he's sleeping it off somewhere.
He does not drink.
He is under heavy medication.
He wouldn't just up and leave.
I can see you're upset.
What's your husband's name?
Mortimer Blackholly.
Hey, don't you know.
I met your husband at a benefit
for the Policeman's Athletic League.
Then you know what kind of man he is.
He's a fine man.
All right, what happened?
I was visiting friends, the Chapman's.
The Chapman's?
Huh, now this is interesting.
I just heard about some
strange goings on over there.
What sort of strange goings on?
Morning ladies.
You two here for breakfast or just coffee?
Breakfast.
Do you have a quiet table?
This news
hour brought to by Montello.
Where modifying life force is our passion.
Good morning.
In local news, the Simpsons-
- Okay, thanks, I guess.
Adele, do you have organic eggs here?
Really?
Yes, organic eggs.
Sure, honey.
I'll get those right up.
And would you like
gluten-free pancakes, too?
Organic eggs.
Look around this place?
Eggs come from chickens that
can still walk, I'll be amazed.
I can't eat anything.
Oh, man.
Think I'll let that fine
brew continue aging.
Wonder if their pancakes are any good?
You're going to eat gluten?
Oh crap.
Which one of these was mine?
I didn't notice.
You're not gonna drink that, are you?
Please?
Do you realize the amount of bacteria
that can proliferate in
a small amount of time?
No science lectures
this early in the morning.
I was just smelling it.
Is that my phone?
Girl who lost the cat
was elated to be finally reunited.
The cat, not so much.
I think the other one was your cup.
Don't wanna talk about your attitude.
John, what do you got?
I think I have that
thing you've been wanting.
Ow.
Tell me.
What's it worth to you?
Dinner with me.
I'll cook.
Swarthy man, suitcase on the subway.
All points bulletin for his capture.
Monroe County Helicopter,
grounded helicopter at 980GT,
please confirm last minute
change of departure route.
Confirm helicopter 980GT.
New flight plan was submitted
just before your departure.
Safe flight.
Good morning, this is Christina Portenza
reporting to you from Chopper 1.
Traffic is stalled on
the FDR near Midtown East
and traffic is at a
standstill on 3rd Avenue
due to a large tabby
cat who refuses to move.
And now,
breaking news involving a
suspected suitcase bomber.
What?
Just, just go with it.
What is he doing?
We received an anonymous
tip just moments ago.
It appears this man is
about to drop a suitcase
over the edge to blow up the city.
Or perhaps this is a suicide mission.
He could be writing his
suitcase note right now.
This appears to be some sort of ritual.
It's him!
Let's get Coco.
He is gettin' away.
I need this story.
The suitcase bomber is on the run again.
Stay tuned as I deliver
moment by moment updates.
What was that?
I didn't take this job to be
a traffic girl forever, okay?
This could change all that.
Yeah?
Your little stunt would change
our careers to no careers.
Wait, there he is!
Come on, Hope.
Get outta the road!
Oh, he's up there!
Come on, you okay?
Here, hold my hand.
Come on, hurry.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
There he is.
Stop!
Thief, stop!
He's got Coco.
Faith, wait up.
I'm tired and weak, you know?
Just push through it!
Oh my gosh.
What is that?
I don't know.
It does not look like the
suitcase, so I don't really care.
You don't care?
It looks like there's a person in there.
Okay, you look.
Me?
I'm not gonna look, it stinks.
So why don't we pretend
like we didn't see anything
and go find our suitcase.
You did this all the
time when we were kids.
You don't know how sensitive I am.
I know how sensitive your
head's gonna be when I smack it.
That's it.
I am not moving another
step until I get some food.
There is no food here.
You can go get me some.
I'll go get you some, all right.
Oh, here you are, your highness.
Ah, ugh.
You think I'm gonna bend
over and pick that up?
Look at my hands, they're shaking.
I feel like I'm gonna pass out.
You're so-
There he is, there he is!
Oh.
Come on, come on.
Hurry, Hope, hurry!
Hurry, Hope!
I'm coming.
That is it!
I'm done.
You're done?
I'm as tired as you are,
except I haven't eaten a thing.
You and your stupid chocolate cake idea.
Are you for real?
You're right.
Right.
This was a stupid idea.
I mean, look at us.
We're sitting in an alleyway with a,
who knows what under
that blanket back there.
Chasing some derelict who stole Coco.
I'm not even married anymore.
At least you got married.
I've never even been to a wedding.
How come you come to mine?
'Cause you broke our pact.
Pact?
The one where we would be
each other's Maid of Honor.
I don't remember that.
Of course you don't.
Is that why we stopped getting along?
I guess.
We had fun growing up, right?
Only because I paid for everything.
You were the only had any money.
You could have recycled with me.
You mean rummage through garbage cans.
Truth is, I always wanted
to be your best friend.
Actually, I always wanted to be you.
Why?
Because everyone loved you.
You're the one who
always knew who you were
and where you were going.
Well, I wish I knew that then.
Well, you know it now.
There he is.
Stop!
- Thief!
- Stop!
How dare you steal from us!
Don't even think about moving.
I got a bone to pick with you.
Your call, Chief.
Isn't that the bingo lady?
I guess you don't recognize
the former Chief of Police.
Never did look much like a police chief.
That's what made it so much fun.
So, is this the man who stole your dog?
How did you know we stole our dog?
Delancy told me about you two.
Stories seem to connect.
These women are murderers.
They killed my wife, Mrs.
Jacqueline Blackholly,
and then they put her in that bag.
This can't be Mr. Blackholly.
He's at home recuperating
from hand surgery.
Yeah.
It's is I.
I was afraid my wife was
having an extramarital affair.
Why?
I saw her touching that Lucas Morello.
How could you?
- I was in the bushes.
- Say what?
Oh no, no, no, you misunderstand.
No, I understand you were
trespassing like some voyeur.
I was not.
That gigolo, Lucas, confused my poor wife.
I just wanted to find
out what the truth was.
Then I saw her laying in a
pool of blood on the floor.
That wasn't blood, that was wine.
Okay, enough.
All three of you, into the car right now.
Why?
Why, we didn't, we
didn't do anything wrong.
Wait, what about Coco?
What about Coco?
We are in the middle of
an ongoing investigation
involving a suspected suitcase bomber.
Uh, excuse me.
Can you remove yourself
from my investigation?
- Remove myself?
- Yes.
It appears this good
officer here, and uh,
sir, what, what is your name?
Officer Smith.
Okay, Officer Smith
is trying to suppress
my First Amendment rights.
I am doing no such thing.
I demand that someone
open this suitcase.
My wife is in that case.
And arrest these two women.
What, what, what?
Get the camera on them?
What, you got a problem with me, huh?
Right, you just sounded really-
- There is a twist in the
case of the suitcase bomber.
This man here is only
interested in justice.
Inside of that suitcase
is the body of his wife.
These two women here have
committed a heinous crime.
Okay, that's enough, Miss Portenza.
Turn this thing off and let me
get on with my investigation.
Oh really?
Yes, really.
Unless you wanna spend
the night in the lockup.
Fine, but you haven't seen
the last of me, Officer Smith.
Let's go.
That phony reporter is delusional.
Jacqueline Blackholly?
Please.
Isn't Jacqueline your wife's name?
Yes.
You can't do this.
Hey, stop it!
The Chapman's are waiting
for us to bring Coco.
They're the only ones
who have the accommodation
to the suitcase.
Alfred, hold up.
I just spoke to Delancy.
He said, take the girls
wherever they need to go to.
The Hamptons?
Hope I didn't hurt you.
No.
What about me?
Stay there.
Release that man.
Delancy wants him at the station, now.
Why am I still being taken in?
What?
You don't sound too good.
Oh, Mr. Frangiolini.
Carmine, sir.
So sorry, I, I was,
I was just in the middle
of organizing my notes for our meeting.
Is that so?
Yes, of course.
I'm, I'm very serious about this.
I didn't realize the
seriousness of your commitment.
What does that mean?
It means that my espresso
and biscotti are getting cold.
Oh, crap.
I mean, uh, yes, of, of course.
I'm, I'm so sorry.
I was just about to call
you and let you know why,
why I wasn't there this morning.
Okay, I'm a patient man.
I'm willing to hear your story.
Uh, well, uh,
I, I slipped in, in, in the shower,
and I, I had to go to the
emergency room and it...
Mr. Frangiolini?
Hell, hello, sir, hello?
Piece of work.
Mortimer.
Mortimer.
Jacqueline!
- Oh.
- Oh.
How did you get out of the suitcase?
Suitcase?
You're not dead.
Dead?
I would never leave you alone without me.
But, but...
You look a little feverish.
Let's talk about this later.
But your head was in a pool
of blood at the Chapman's.
Oh darling,
that was just a battle of
Saint-Emilion Grand Cru.
Oh, no.
Well, I hope it wasn't the 2012.
It wasn't, darling.
Oh, charming.
Let's go home.
Is somebody gonna get that?
We have so much to share.
Who's manning
the emergency line?
Well, this is some house.
Yeah, I'll say.
City Pacific,
narcotic suspect, 2424, send LM.
Gee, I didn't know you cared.
Okay, Miss Sarcasm.
Ugh.
Ooh.
I'm so very sorry.
I know how much Coco meant to you.
Thank you, Gertrude.
We were beginning to think you got lost.
Where's my baby?
He's in there.
Delancy needs me back at the station.
Can you find your way back all right?
Yeah, no problem.
I got this.
Evening.
Coco is a tiny little boy.
There was no sweeter dog.
Do you remember Margaret,
the time when we found him
with his adorable little head
inside the refrigerator, eating
the leftover vanilla yogurt?
He had quite a sweet tooth.
Really?
I'm convinced he would've
been happy just eating sweets.
We have something we need to tell you.
Cocoa didn't die of natural causes.
Oh?
We were trying to
work with Jacquelin and-
- At the dinner party.
Mr. Blackholly was supposed to be there,
but actually he was
recovering from hand surgery.
And actually he was hiding in the bushes.
Mortimer, hiding in the bushes?
He thought that Jacqueline
was having an affair.
But he doesn't think that anymore.
We were trying to impress
her with our chocolate cake.
Coco, with his sweet tooth
found it too good to resist.
No way.
He ate it, and, and,
and that's how he died.
We're, we are so sorry.
Please forgive our negligence.
I'm still confused about Mortimer.
- So are we.
- Yeah.
Well, where is he now?
Well, they're taking
him to the police station.
The pol-
Let's revisit this later.
- Okay.
Now I know you feel
horrible about what happened,
but I'm not sure
we could have handled the
situation any differently.
We sure will miss our boy though.
We are so, so sorry.
The truth is, Coco
was actually very ill.
He was living on borrowed time.
I can't think of a
better send off for Coco.
Having your chocolate.
Everyone stop what you're doing.
Lucas?
What, what, what are you doing?
Is that a real gun?
Stay back.
I don't wanna hurt anyone.
I think you should think
this through very carefully.
Charles, do something.
Don't move, I don't wanna hurt anyone.
But what do you want, man?
Secret ingredient.
Oh, well, forget it.
Hope, quiet.
I will not be quiet.
This is our chocolate cake.
And who do you think you are, Lucas?
I'm the guy with the
gun to your sister's head,
and you need to shut
your pretty little mouth.
Wait, I am so sick
and tired of being quiet
and letting everyone walk all over me.
Well, not this time, buddy.
Hope.
Don't, Lucas.
The secret ingredient,
Hope, and I'll let Faith go.
Why should I give it to you?
Hope.
Just let her go
before you do something
you're gonna regret.
You're not gonna be able
to do anything with it.
Proprietary, you don't have the rights.
Well, neither do these two idiots.
They never completed the patent.
Now, Hope.
Hope, please.
Ugh!
I survived Montello.
Do you really think you
are any match for me?
What's that noise?
Is it the suitcase?
- Coco!
- Oh my goodness!
- My guy.
- But he was, he was dead.
He was wrapped in
herbs, and, and in oil,
and we, and we wrapped him like a mommy.
- Dr. Dogwood.
- The life force.
But how?
Stop.
Does anybody see my gun?
Isn't your
secret ingredient in there?
Oh.
Don't move.
Here's your secret ingredient.
After hours of following the case
of the Notorious Suitcase Bomber,
we have an ending only
found in the movies.
It was a simple case of mistaken identity,
and we would like to extend
our sincerest apologies
to the renowned philanthropist,
Mr. Mortimer Blackholly.
In his dangerous opioid induced state,
the chivalrous Mr. Blackholly
believed his wife to be in grave danger.
His unbridled passion for
her shows just what lengths,
a man will go for his true love.
Hi.
Hey, I owe you.
Polanski says to cut the
prescription drug talk.
Breaking news.
In a bizarre twist,
the two sisters who Mortimer Blackholly
believed murdered his wife
turn out to be heroes.
At gunpoint, the real
perpetrator trying to steal
their soon-to-be famous
chocolate cake recipe
was apprehended by the two sisters.
Well, uh, thank you, Faith
Appletree and Hope Johnson
for making the streets of New York
a little bit safer tonight.
And wherever you are, all of
us here at Channel 27 News
wish you the best of luck
with your new chocolate cake recipe.
A chocolate cake that
makes you lose weight?
Wow.
Roy, ugh!
Roy, Roy, Roy,
you think you might wanna
turn the camera off, huh?
What an idea.
Good afternoon,
and welcome to the grand
opening of Cocoa Cakes.
The only chocolate cake in the world
that makes you lose weight.
Boss, you gotta see this.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, this, this
was the cake Lucas had.
Come on, let's go.
Let's get down there.
Coco, oh no, you don't.
Again.
Oh, Hope.
I'm so sorry to bother
you on your opening,
but I thought you should know,
Montello thinks that you invented
the formula for Cocoa Cakes
while you were still working there.
But that's not true.
You don't think they
could do anything, do you?
I don't know, but
I'm here for you, Hope.
You know that, right?
Well, well, well, look at you.
I couldn't believe my
eyes when I saw you on TV.
My heart literally skipped a
beat seeing your face again.
I've been missing you, Faithy.
Faithy, really?
Oh, baby, come on.
I was just giving you the
time to find yourself.
I did.
Do you wanna know what I found?
You couldn't live without me?
I found a great forensic accountant.
I hear the Cayman's are
lovely this time of year.
I don't know what you're
doing there, Mark,
but if you have any delusions
of laying claim to this bakery,
you're gonna find that this Faith
is someone you don't wanna mess with.
So what are you saying?
Sign the divorce papers.
We'll call it even.
Doesn't sound like a good deal for me.
Sounds like a fair deal to me, Mark.
Can I get you a pen to sign those papers?
I have a lot of pens.
I'll sign right away, I promise.
Get him outta here.
You're welcome.
Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll.
Never a dull moment
with these two sisters.
What does a mob boss want
with a chocolate cake?
Can I help you?
This little enterprise of yours
has become very interesting to me.
Interesting?
I uh, I was lucky enough to sample
some of this delicious
cake from a Lucas Morello.
How do you know Lucas?
He's an associate.
Right, so um,
thank you, Mr?
Frangiolini.
Carmine Frangiolini.
Right.
I don't really think we're
gonna need your help,
Mr. Frangiolini.
I'm pretty sure you didn't hear me.
We would like to make you an offer.
But I can see that you're busy today,
so I will come back at
a more convenient time
to discuss our future business.
Ciao.
Hey, thanks for being my
knight in shining armor.
I wondered what happened to you.
I spent the last few months
working on my chivalry.
Ah.
Help any damsels in New York?
You tell me.
Come on, everyone.
To Cocoa Cakes' bright
and prosperous future,
and to new relationships.
Here, here!
Get so much outta that.
Yep.
How lame was I?
Hi, Mr. Frangiolini.
Miss Portenza, traffic
girl with an imagination.
What can I do for you?
Mr. Frangiolini.
Mr. Frangiolini, wait, wait, wait.
Please, please.
Hi.
Hi, Mr. Frangiolini.
I, I have something I wanna run past ya.
Miss Portenza, traffic
girl with imagination.
What can I do for you?
Traffic girl.
Well, I uh,
I don't know many traffic girls
who create their own TV content.
Good for you.
I'm sure your little traffic
show will be spellbinding.
Oh, it will be.
It's gonna be a gripping expose
into the New York underworld.
Listen little girl,
I run a clean business.
And you should keep that
vivid imagination to yourself.
Wait, there's a guy in a white lab coat
running in circles.
Dr. Dogwood.
No, don't hurt him!
What's going on?
Apparently some elephant got loose
that was running away from
that guy in the lab coat.
- An elephant?
- Yeah, an elephant.
- You're kidding me?
- I am not kidding you.
- An elephant!
- Why would you hurt him?
This elephant had a tube
coming out of his neck
for supposedly this rainforest
infusion from Dr. Dogwood.
I'm not so sure he's gonna do it
or how long it's gonna take.
Okay, well see if he can hustle it up.
Okay, whatever.
He's only an animal!
You killed Coco with your life force.
We'll never forgive you!
Oh, bet he's shaking in his boots now.
He just ran in front
of my car the other day.
Uh, uh.
Uh.
Uh,
well.
Here's your secret ingredient.
- Yeah!
- That's great.
- That's it.
- Great.
Cut, you got it.