Comic Book Villains (2002) Movie Script
You know comics?
You know comics?
Oh, please.
I'm listening. I'm all ears.
Please, please, tell me!
It's not just comics.
It's about cash.
We could have split it.
We could have split it? No!
It's all mine!
Why? Why? Why would
I split it with you?
Because we were
in this together.
No! I'm in this alone!
My whole life!
Every waking, sleeping,
dreaming moment of my life,
I spent for comics.
What do you
live for, my friend?
You know comics?
You know shit!
You know comics?
You know shit!
Is that what it would
have taken to share?
I know comics, too.
I--I grew up with them.
Oh, yeah, you know comics.
You're the oracle
of delphi of comics.
Yes, um, uh...
First appearance
of superman?
Uh,
action comics
#1.
Everyone knows that.
Batman?
Detective comics
Spider-man?
Spider-man
#1.
Uh-uh!
Oh, wait, wait. Uh...
Amazing fantasy
Amazing fantasy
Golden age flash?
Golden age flash...
Uh,
flash comics
#1.
Silver age flash?
Showcase 4.
Human torch?
Uh,
fantastic four
#1.
No! I'm taking about
the 1940's torch!
Oh, uh...
Marvel mystery
#1.
Wonder woman?
Wonder woman...
Come on!
Wonder woman...
Wonder woman--
sensation
Wrong!
No, no, wait.
I'm right.
It's definitely
sensation
I'm right.
It's definitely
sensation
No!
No!
It's not
wonder woman #1,
if that's--
what are you trying to do?
What are you trying to do?
Insult me?
Are you patronizing me,
or are you just trying
to get yourself killed?
Because if
you're doing that,
you're doing
a very... good... job.
Our town?
Um... it was normal.
Walk down main street
on a busy Saturday,
and you knew
almost everyone.
Yep, a normal place.
Normal stores
and normal people.
And if it was
a little boring,
no one seemed
to notice but me.
The thing is, looking back,
I see it wasn't just normal.
It was real, too--
the real world,
where parents paid bills
and kids worried
about football tryouts,
and kids worried
about football tryouts,
where folks argued
whether the president
was a Saint or a sinner.
Yep. Real.
A little piece
of the world
that my friends and me
didn't belong to.
See, we had
a world of our own.
Why argue about
the president
when you could argue
for the fate of earth
with galactus,
devourer of worlds?
Why try out for football
when you could try out
for the X-Men?
Nah, we didn't
do any of that.
Nah, we didn't
do any of that.
But read enough comics,
and it sure made
you feel like you did.
Pathetic? Yeah, maybe.
But all you out there
with your daytime soaps,
as far as I'm concerned,
you're in glass houses
throwing stones.
That's me.
The name's Archie lake.
I have to say
that I'm a bit different
from a lot of guys here.
Not by choice,
my parents dying and all.
I was alone.
I had a single room
in a guesthouse.
Me, a bed, and more comic
boxes than I could count.
Me, a bed, and more comic
boxes than I could count.
Most of these guys
live at home.
Why? No rent.
And guess what that
extra dough gets spent on.
And not just
new books every month,
back issues, too,
some costing
some serious dough.
Which is
how and why things turned
a little crazy last year.
Ah, and this
is Raymond macgillicuddy,
owner of this
heaven on earth.
Getting in with Raymond
so he thought you were
worth talking to...
Now that was
something to strive for.
Now that was
something to strive for.
When he thought
you were worth the effort,
boy, those talks...
Stimulating.
About things
that really matter.
If you want to fuck
a superheroine,
the golden age canary
wins hands-down over
the modern version
because of the fishnets.
How about the valkyrie
from the
airboy
comic?
Normally,
I'd agree with you, uh,
except for
the fact that she was
in suspended animation.
She started screwing
the airboy in the 1940s,
then she comes out
of cold storage
and starts
screwing the new airboy
in the present?
So?
So?
Well,
the new airboy
in the present
is the son
of the original.
That means the valkyrie
was doing
the father and the son.
That is fucked up.
Ah, ah, gentlemen,
she was lost.
She was lonely.
She was looking
for love, ok?
Which of us,
under those conditions,
wouldn't do the same?
Yes.
And this is conan.
He calls himself that
'cause he says
he calls himself that
'cause he says
Robert e. Howard,
the guy who created
conan the barbarian,
was his great uncle,
which I know is a crock.
He's my Dr. doom,
my archfoe.
Why?
He has more money than me,
and he snags
the comics I can't.
Plus, he's in
with Raymond, too.
In fact, it was him
that started all
the craziness.
Though I admit it seemed
innocent at the time
when he opened his mouth,
sweet as pie, and said...
Raymond,
do you know a guy
named David cresswell?
Do you know a guy
named David cresswell?
David cresswell...
No, no. Should--should I?
The new books come in?
Hellboy
by mignola.
Madman
by allred.
The others,
they're the same old crap.
Is that it, arch?
Yeah, unless
my poster came in.
Nope.
Well, what about my
Alex Ross signed hardcover?
Nope, again.
You're not having
much luck today.
Ring me up.
Ring me up.
What's going on?
You seem kind of down.
You all right?
I'm fine.
You know, I just really
don't want to talk about it.
Why not?
You're
among friends.
Um, do you remember
my cousin Sam?
I brought him in once
when he was visiting.
Well, it doesn't matter.
Anyway, he got this job
driving a cab in New York,
and he saved up
all this money,
and now he's
going to Europe.
Big deal. What's so
special about that?
Europe isn't--isn't here.
It's--
it's there?
Yeah, it's there.
It's somewhere.
Yeah, it's there.
It's somewhere.
Why would you want
to leave town?
Everything worth
having is right here.
Raymond's store.
Domino's pizza.
Very true.
Ah, conan, be careful
of that, um, counter.
The leg's broken.
You going to fix it?
I'll get
around to it.
This, um...
Cresswell character.
Should I know him?
He died.
My mom told me.
She met his mom.
Oh, really?
He was on old guy.
50, 55.
He was on old guy.
50, 55.
Collected comic books
his whole life.
I find that
hard to believe,
seeing as I know every
serious comic-book collector
in the tri-county area,
and I've never heard
of this cresswell character.
I meant he did until,
like, 5 years ago.
That was before
you opened the store.
But he started buying
when he was 8 or 9.
That's like 45 years
of collecting.
It's cool, huh?
And he's deceased, you say?
Too many burgers.
His heart.
Makes you proud
to be a comic fan.
Where--where does
this mother live?
Where--where does
this mother live?
My mom met her
at the doctor's.
She's like 100
or something,
extremely old.
Who, your mom?
Mrs. cresswell.
Oh.
They met at the doctor's
waiting room.
They don't exchange
numbers or anything.
My mom's hot.
She's trying to date
the u. P. S. Guy,
so I can't see her
giving foot rubs
to some old woman,
you know?
C-conan, have you told
this to anyone else?
Uh-uh, only you.
Uh-uh, only you.
Which wasn't exactly true.
In fact,
it wasn't true at all.
You remember that conan
was my archenemy?
Well, Raymond had
his own Lex Luthor.
Norman link
and his wife Judy
had their own store
across town.
They weren't
hard-core comic fans.
Norman realized
that there was money
to be made in comics,
especially if you
stocked a variety of cards
and games
and stickers and crap
that encouraged mothers
to bring in their kids.
And that's why
Raymond hates them.
And that's why
Raymond hates them.
He feels there's
no real love for comics,
neither Norman or his wife.
Norman, in turn,
hates Raymond as
a professional rival.
I think words
were even exchanged once
when they were
at a stop sign
and they both thought
they had the right of way.
I never go into the place.
I have Raymond,
so why would I?
But little did
ray and I know
that conan...
He liked to switch-hit.
Which is why,
earlier that same day...
Do you know a guy
named David cresswell?
And that's our cast
of four-color characters.
No, wait.
There's one more.
The reason
I almost forgot him
is that
I didn't know this guy
when it all started.
None of us did
except Raymond,
and even his association
was from a long time ago.
And even his association
was from a long time ago.
Here he is...
J. C. Carter.
Though what
the j and the c stand for
though what
the j and the c stand for
are as mysterious
as the shadow.
And as you can see
at this moment in time,
the last thing
on his mind is comic books.
Hello?
Archie, hey.
Hey, what are you doing?
Babylon 5
is on.
It's a repeat.
It's a repeat.
So?
So don't you have
the week off work?
Yep, my boss
is making me take it.
So what are
you going to do with it?
I don't know.
I'll probably re-bag
part of my collection
and practice
how to make the perfect
grilled-cheese sandwich.
Hey, um, how'd you like
to spend tomorrow
driving around with me?
It's probably nothing.
No, we can't afford it.
Ok, well,
it's probably nothing,
so don't worry about it.
Well, why are
we bothering
if it's nothing?
Because maybe
it is something.
Because maybe
it is something.
Then we
should worry.
Can--
Norman.
Look, rumors like this one
drip down from
the clouds every few years.
The big collection.
You start hearing about
30, 40, 50 years of comic books
kept pristine
in a basement or a warehouse.
Usually it turns out
to be bullcrap.
50 years
of so-called collecting
turns out to be
a year of
Archie comics
in a cardboard box.
Turns out to be
a year of
Archie comics
in a cardboard box.
Or there's
a few old comics,
but the rats and the damp
have gotten to them.
So why bother?
Because you never know.
There was a collection once.
"The mile-high collection"
they call it now.
The man that found it
built a mini-empire
of comic-book stores
in Colorado and abouts.
Norman,
we can't afford to be
buying collections.
Our quarterly taxes
are due next week.
I know it.
Say, you want pizza tonight?
I want a baby.
Gee, I don't know
if I can get that
as a topping, honey.
How about, uh, sausage?
You bastard.
Say, where's the phone book?
The number for
the pizza store
is on the refrigerator.
No, I'm thinking
there can't be too many
cresswells in town, right?
Hey, I'm leaving.
I want to take a bath.
Ohh, nice.
Can I watch?
No, you can't.
I want an hour
to myself,
I want an hour
to myself,
so don't come over yet.
Ok.
So what are
you going to do?
Finish up here.
Oh, will you
grab something
on your way over?
What?
I'm making you
a meal tonight.
Macaroni and cheese?
No,
I'm making a roasted
vegetable omelette,
and I got everything.
I just need, uh...
Red and yellow
sweet peppers.
Honey?
Huh?
Can you get them?
Yeah, yeah.
Green and yellow peppers.
No, red.
No, red.
Red and yellow peppers.
Ok, I'll get 'em.
Thanks.
Oh, and, uh,
Cheryl said that she saw
Tony here earlier,
but I must have
been backstage.
I've been here hours.
I haven't seen him.
Just be careful,
all right?
Right.
I love you, booby.
Hey!
don't you love me?
You know it, honeysuckle.
Mr. Carter?
Been a while.
Oh, hi, Tony.
How you doing?
How or who,
which did you say?
How.
Ah...
'Cause if you'd
asked me who,
then I'd have to tell you
that I'm not doing anyone.
But you're doing
someone, though.
Come on, Tony.
We've been
through all this.
Your ex-wife
is just that--
your ex.
Your ex-wife
is just that--
your ex.
I didn't
break you guys up.
You were around.
Who are these guys?
My friends.
Didn't bring
any of your buddies?
No, I'm, uh...
More of a loner.
don't hurt me.
Please, Carter.
I'll leave you alone.
I promise. I promise.
Oh, yeah?
Well, what makes you think
I don't enjoy
our time together, huh?
Hmm?
Hmm?
You fuck!
Now,
the new day didn't begin
with a glorious dawn
marking the start
of some grand adventure.
There was one cresswell
listed in the phone book,
no Mr. or Mrs.
alongside it,
so we didn't know
what we'd find
when we got there.
Not me. Not Raymond...
Not me. Not Raymond...
Not Norman.
M-m-Mrs. cresswell?
They're around the back.
What are?
My bottles.
It's about time the city
came and got 'em.
Your bottles?
Yes, I've even
sorted them into
clear and colored.
I've done all
the work for you.
A little
old lady like me,
you ought to be
ashamed of yourselves.
No, I'm--I'm not here
for your bottles,
Mrs. cresswell,
no, I'm--I'm not here
for your bottles,
Mrs. cresswell,
I'm not with the city.
I--I had a, uh,
a city job once, but...
I was actually--
I was wondering
if I might have
a word with you.
Look, if you're
a jehovah's witness,
you're wasting
your time,
because I've made
my peace with god,
and I don't
want to change
the way I say
good morning
and good night to him
at this late date.
No, no, no. I'm not here
about god, either.
Then what
can I do for you?
Well, you, um...
Well, you, um...
You had a son, right?
He was 65
and still living
with his mom.
He enjoyed
his life, though.
He never went out.
Not after
he left his job.
Ah, a pleasant
retirement nonetheless.
No, disability.
He slipped at work.
He said there was
grease on the floor.
I think
he was just so fat
that he fell over.
I think
he was just so fat
that he fell over.
But don't get me wrong.
don't get me wrong.
I loved my boy.
I know you did.
So he--he stayed here?
He watched videos,
and he ate ribs
and apple pie,
and that was his life.
Hmm.
I came down one morning
and found him dead
from the night before.
Tragic. What a shame.
Yeah, I can see
the tears in your eyes.
Now, what do you want?
Dave--David was
a collector, right?
Yeah.
Comic books?
Yeah, most of his life.
Do you still have them?
Sure, sure. I have
everything of David's.
See, I'm a bit
of a collector myself,
and I'd actually
might be interested
in buying them from you.
Well, I'm sorry,
but you see,
they're not for sale.
Well, I'm sorry,
but you see,
they're not for sale.
Oh, well, I'm sure
we could come to some sort
of
understanding.
Not unless
you understand
that I'm not interested.
Well, could I at least
just see what he had?
No. I don't see
the point of it,
you know?
I-I'd like to know...
For my own peace of mind.
Well...
Never let it be said
that I denied anybody
his peace of mind.
Come on.
No humidity.
No light.
That's good.
Oh, god.
Goddamn it,
there he goes.
Ohh, this
doesn't look good.
Oh, goddamn it.
Shit!
Shit!
Fuck! Shit!
Goddamn it!
Jesus Christ!
I bet you he found her!
I see--
look at his face!
I bet you that
son of a bitch
found her!
You know what
this about, Archie?
This is about that house
being a quarter of a mile
closer to his shop
than my fucking shop!
A quarter of a fucking mile!
What are you
going to do?
I don't know!
Mrs. cresswell?
Yes.
Hi. You just
saw my colleague?
Hi. You just
saw my colleague?
Your colleague?
My--I mean
my partner, um, Norman.
He said I should,
uh, introduce myself.
I don't know why.
I told him I wasn't
interested in selling them.
The comic books?
Well, what else
would I be talking about?
Oh, well, um...
See, Norman, uh, thought
I should--I should
take a look at them.
Look, I told him,
and I'm telling you
I don't want to sell
my son's things.
Oh, and I'm--
I'm sorry for your loss,
oh, and I'm--
I'm sorry for your loss,
but could I look at
the comic books anyway?
Your partner
already saw them.
I know, ok, but see,
he--I'm--he's not me.
And I'm...
I'm a collector,
and your son
was a collector.
And I have so much
respect for...
Uh... collecting.
Please?
Oh, well...
It's nice to hear
a gentleman say please.
Come on in.
Come on in.
Did you see them?
They're beautiful!
They're beautiful.
She won't sell,
you said. The end.
She won't sell,
you said. The end.
No.
That's it, Norman.
You had no right
to offer her our life savings.
We could offer her more.
We could take out a loan.
Are you high?
Maybe we could sell
that car. Who needs it?
Get something cheaper.
This is fucking crazy.
don't swear.
I hate it when you swear.
Oh, well, I swear I'll
walk out that fucking door
if you keep this up!
These collections
have pedigree.
We could charge more,
4, 5 times more
than
the comic book
price guide
says.
Old lady cresswell
is sitting on a gold mine.
She don't even know it.
She don't even know it.
I saw the complete runs
of marvel's and DC's,
some of them going back
to the golden age,
and all of them perfect.
All the ecs,
all the early
showcases
with the origin
of the flash,
the green lantern,
and the atom.
Look...
The guide says,
"$32, 000. $5, 500.
And $1, 500."
We could charge
4 times that,
and that's
just 3 comic books, honey.
The guy had thousands.
I'm serious. Thousands.
I'm serious. Thousands.
Here.
Bedtime reading for you.
Yeah, I'll kill you
with it in your sleep,
or I'll hit you
over the head.
Look, it's a gamble,
I admit it.
But if it pays off,
we can expand.
You can have a kid.
We could have it all.
Norman.
Norman,
honey, wake up.
What?
We have to get
those comics.
What happened?
Look,
man driving bus,
not funny.
Monkey driving bus,
chuckles a-plenty.
Man icing cake,
no laughs.
Monkey icing cake,
big laughs.
Man walking dog...
Hey.
What's with you?
Why aren't you
joining in?
You usually like
to take part in
this kind of stuff.
Provocative monkeys?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Excuse me
if I'm wrong. Um...
Excuse me
if I'm wrong. Um...
Weren't you the one who
tried to start the campaign
to get linda Hamilton
nominated for an Oscar
for
Terminator ii?
No, that was me.
I love that movie.
Me, too.
No, I was--
I was just thinkin'.
About the comics
at Mrs. cresswell's?
Um, no.
Just, like,
about the town.
What about it?
You know--nothin'.
Yeah, you know, lately
yeah, you know, lately
a lotta stuff's
been eatin' at me, too,
drivin' me crazy.
Booby.
Oh, hey, honey.
I was just thinkin'
about you.
Oh, yeah?
Warm thoughts, I hope.
Warm thoughts, I hope.
Is there any other kind?
Uh-uh.
I brought you lunch.
How's it goin' in here?
Well...
At least
another 4 months.
Really?
Why that long?
See that? It's damp.
Wall's rotten
with it.
That's work
I hadn't counted on.
That's work
I hadn't counted on.
Hmm.
Still I, uh...
Wish I didn't have
to sell this place.
You know, selling them
when they're fixed up
feels good, usually,
but I don't know.
This time...
I kinda feel like
I'm losin' somethin',
you know?
Really, baby?
Why this place?
Really, baby?
Why this place?
I don't know.
It feels right, somehow.
Is this room
gonna be the den?
If I have to sell it,
sure.
But I was figuring...
That if I put insulation
in the walls...
It'd make a pretty cool
studio for your music.
It'd make a pretty cool
studio for your music.
What do you think?
Well, I mean, you been
bustin' your ass
to afford
recording equipment.
I mean, at least now
we have somewhere
to put it, right?
We?
Mm-hmm.
You and me, baby...
Till death.
Mrs. cresswell.
Um... maybe.
I'm Judy.
Well, I'm happy
for you, darling.
Oh, no. Judy.
Norman's Judy?
The guy interested
in your comic books.
You mean my son's.
Mm-hmm. That's right.
Your son's comic books.
Mm-hmm. That's right.
Your son's comic books.
Um, I was wondering
if we could talk
about that.
I wasn't very interested
in talking to your
husband about them.
Right. And I was
just thinking that
maybe it was the way
my Norman brought it up
that you didn't like.
You know,
men.
And then there was
the real nervous one.
He said he was
with you, too.
He's a liar,
a terrible,
terrible liar.
A bit touched, too,
if you ask me.
So, listen, let's talk.
I mean, surely
there's a way
I mean, surely
there's a way
we can come
to an understanding.
Just us girls, huh?
That's right. Us girls.
Ok.
I--I love the garden.
I'm the gardener.
Oh, yeah?
I am the gardener.
Yeah.
I all but went down
on the old bitch.
Nice goin'.
You know, I offered her
15 grand?
Yeah?
And then I upped it
to 20.
20 grand? Do we--
do we even have
that much?
20 grand? Do we--
do we even have
that much?
I mean, by that point,
I didn't care.
20 grand will keep
this rusted old woman
until she dies,
and she still
turned it down.
All right. It's ok.
Good job, sweetie.
Good try.
Uhh!
We'll figure
somethin' out.
Yeah.
It's ok.
Hey, it's ok.
You did a good job.
Mm-hmm.
I mean,
at least we're
workin' together
like a team.
There was a time
when I didn't even
think
our marriage was
gonna last anymore,
because we didn't
have anything
in common.
Hey...
Hey...
The way I feel
about you now,
I know that we're
gonna make it.
I do.
You know what
I feel like?
Closin' early?
That's it, tiger.
Talk dirty.
So,
she wouldn't sell?
Uh-uh.
Not to me.
Not to Norman.
What are you
gonna do?
I don't know, arch.
All right?
I don't know, arch.
All right?
Norman and his wife
are gonna come at her
with more money.
I know that.
More money, and then
more fuckin' money,
'cause that's--
that's their style.
I know that much.
Man, you gotta
fight fire with fire.
Fight fire with fire?
Who are you,
the punisher,
all of a sudden?
I don't have any money.
I'm broke.
You know that.
No, I don't.
I guess you wouldn't.
Arch, I don't have
a nickel to my name.
I'm hangin' on
by the short hairs.
I'm hangin' on
by the short hairs.
The day-to-day
comic business
is in recession.
Last year was miserable.
This year is gonna be worse.
Thank god
I don't have a house.
I woulda lost it
by now.
But you have
loyal customers.
Yeah, so does
McDonalds, ok?
But they just got
a couple billion more
than I do.
You know the counter?
It's gonna cost
400 bucks
to replace
or repair that.
I can't--I--I--
I don't have 400 bucks.
You know how I was
on the roof last week?
The next heavy rain,
buckets aplenty
on the floor,
my friend.
Buckets aplenty.
On the floor,
my friend.
Buckets aplenty.
Well, why don't you
just go to Norman,
and maybe you guys
could work
something out.
No--uh--
I don't know.
Man, give it a shot.
Hello.
I'm Raymond macgillicuddy.
Hello. Um...
Um... total--
um... total--
hello, sworn enemy.
That's a lovely dress
that you're wearing.
That--
that's a lovely dress.
How do you do?
You're very lovely.
And your name is?
I'd like to do
some business.
Waa!
Oh, baby,
the thought
of finding it--
unh--this treasure--
it's exciting.
It makes me wet.
It makes me wet.
It turns me on.
The bed!
No, no, no, no, no.
We don't need a bed.
That's right.
We don't need a bed.
Up against the wall.
I love it that way.
You do?
Oh, fuck me
against the wall.
I love being fucked
up against the wall.
We never did it
against the wall before.
Shut up. You're
thinking too much.
Come on.
Oh!
Make me come.
I know you can
make me come.
I can do it.
You can make me
come this time.
You hang in there.
You better hang in there!
Hang in there!
Who's my fucker?
Who's my little fucker?
I'm your fucker.
You're my fucker!
I wanna be
your little fucker.
Hi. I'm Raymond
macgillicuddy.
It was, uh, not easy.
We've been across town
for so long
and never formally
really--
well,
it was a long walk--
just--just get
to your proposal.
Ok, ok.
Well, I think I've
thought of a way
in which both of us
can benefit
in which both of us
can benefit
from the lady's
collection--
both?
Uh, all 3 of us.
Mm-hmm.
Both parties is what
I meant to say.
How?
Well, um...
I don't have
any money,
and I can't
buy the books,
whoa.
What'd you just say?
No money?
Yes, I'm coming
to you honestly.
I'm com--I'm
completely broke.
B-but what I--
what I offer is
a knowledge
and an expertise
in the books
themselves.
I know comics.
I know the people.
I know comics.
I know the people.
I know the real
value of the books.
And you--you can make
a tremendous amount
of money,
and I'll help you,
and I don't even want
a penny.
Now I've heard
everything.
Well, wait.
Have you ever been
to San Diego?
Have you been
to San Diego--
to the convention?
I've been there.
It's the major
convention, ok?
And if you go back
into the dealers
room,
there's a--there's
a table on the left,
and it's up
against the wall,
and that's where
the major players
sit.
That's--that's--
that's where
the celebrity--
that's--that's--
that's where
the celebrity--
the-there's a name
that you garner
by sitting
at that table,
and I want
to take my place
among the men
that found
the white mountain
collection,
the mohawk collection,
the winnipeg collection.
I--I--we could
do this tonight.
Why, we could decide.
We could have
the macgillicuddy/link
collection.
I--look, I know--
I know who I am,
and I know
how people look at me.
I'm not stupid.
But if I could just
go to San Diego
and sit down
at the table
and have Mike allred
come up
or Matt Wagner just
pat me on the back...
Have--have
gaston dominguez say,
"you--you want
the danger trails,
1 through 5?
Go to
Raymond macgillicuddy.
His are pristine."
If I could just have
that quip...
It would all
be worth it.
If you allow me that,
my services are yours.
That's--
that's the most pathetic
thing I've ever heard.
No money?
Jeez. I mean,
you haven't got
the money,
get out of dodge.
Honey--
my god, and here I am
up all night worrying
that he's gonna up the ante
and blow us away.
What I was hoping
to offer was--
you sleazy creep...
Honey...
Get away from my house.
Honey, there--there's no--
no, no, no, no.
Honey?
No.
Excuse me, I--
no.
Excuse me, I--
honey?
No. No, no, no.
This fly is gonna
be in our ointment,
he gets involved.
Get him outta here.
I came in a spirit
of kindness.
I came in a spirit
of fairness.
I told you how hard
it was for me
to walk up here.
You've been
a gentleman.
Your wife has been
an animal.
Excuse me?
An animal?
Yes, an animal!
I think it's best
if you--
I offered an olive branch!
I think it's best
that you leave, Raymond.
You know what?
It's--I withdraw my offer,
because you don't
know comics!
You're a dabbler.
Why don't you go
back to your store
and sell your
action figures
and sell your
action figures
and your magic cards?!
Now. Now...
What's your--what's your--
what's your favorite
Mac rad boy
run, huh?
What's your favorite
you can't tell me.
You can't tell me,
'cause you don't know!
You know who knew?
Elvis knew.
Elvis knew!
Ok.
You dabbler. You dabbler!
You magic card seller!
You action figure seller!
There is no need
for a commotion.
Oh--oh, I'll make
a commotion, all right.
It's too late...
Oh, it's not too late.
It's not too late.
It's just starting!
For a commotion.
Is this what you
sell at your store?
No, you stop!
don't do it.
No! No!
don't do it.
No! No!
That's my--
no! Hey!
Then for a time,
the great adventure
became the great game,
or so it seemed to me.
Norman and Judy
on one side,
trying to win
Mrs. cresswell's favor...
Aah!
Raymond on the other.
Raymond on the other.
Back and forth...
Back and forth.
Unh!
Hi, Mrs. cresswell.
Here are the groceries
you wanted.
Well, you're not Raymond.
Where's Raymond?
No, I'm Archie.
Um, Raymond had his
weekly comic delivery.
He had to be back
at his store.
You want the funny books,
too, I suppose?
I won't lie. If you're
gonna get rid of 'em,
I want Raymond to get them.
Well, that's fair.
What's in it
for you?
I'm Raymond's friend.
That's it?
Isn't that enough?
You like funny books,
don't you?
Yeah. I guess.
I buy them,
and I read them.
Not really as much
anymore.
Buy or read.
Why's that?
I don't know.
Um, just lately I've
been sorta thinking
that comics aren't
the real world.
Like last night,
I had on CNN for a while
instead of
the cartoon network.
Instead of
the cartoon network.
I know that sounds stupid.
Comics aren't
the real world?
Now, that's
dangerous talk.
That's a nice photo.
That's me
and my husband.
We were
on our honeymoon.
Spain, in '48.
God, perfect!
Right after
world war ii.
'48. Wow.
Why, you interested?
You're not just
giving me lip service
like Norman, right?
No, I'm interested.
Do you drink tea?
Yeah, actually, I do.
You remind me so much
of my husband.
Really?
No, of course not.
No, I guess not.
But you--you have
this real pale skin.
It's--yeah, so does
half of Sweden.
It's--yeah, so does
half of Sweden.
Um, so Spain,
was it nice?
Mmm. It was
the only time
that I ever
left America.
It was--
it was perfect.
It was perfect.
You talked about Spain?
Yeah. And she told me
about how her
and her husband
went on a trip
there once
and spent 2 weeks
traveling around.
He even ran
with the bulls
in Pamplona.
Paloma.
What?
Paloma.
What?
That run with the bulls
is in Paloma.
Uh, no, ray,
I'm pretty sure
it's Pamplona.
I mean, who's Paloma?
Isn't that
somebody's daughter?
Mm-mmm.
So, when did you
get around to talking
about the comic books?
Well, it just--
I didn't feel right
about it,
so it just
didn't come up.
So, what'd you
talk about?
Well, I told you, stuff.
You know, her life.
Stuff?!
Yeah, stuff.
So you never thought
to ask her
if she was comin' around
to selling me the books?
If she was comin' around
to selling me the books?
Oh, no, I did get around
to asking her that much.
And?
No way.
I've been reading
Hemingway.
"Papa" Hemingway.
It's all because
of you, you know?
Oh, dear, what have
I gone and done now?
It's all that talk
about Spain.
The running
of the bulls.
You're not reading
cliff notes now?
No.
Or comic versions?
Or comic versions?
Wasn't there a comic company
that used to adapt books?
Yeah, it was called
classics illustrated.
But they did
mostly older books,
like, um, h. G. Wells
and
3 musketeers.
I bet they could not
transport you like Hemingway.
Now, hold on.
There are good
and bad writers
in all mediums.
Comics are just
a different type
of storytelling.
You don't really
internalize as much.
Oh.
Did you like that?
Wow. Internalize.
I think
it's probably
the first time
I think
it's probably
the first time
I've ever
used that word.
don't you go
getting giddy on me.
You know,
I didn't realize
that you needed help
gardening. I can do that.
Oh, no,
that's all right.
Archie's doing great.
He used to help
his mother.
Did you know that?
No, I didn't.
Yeah, um, back
before she died.
Hmm.
How's Norman?
How's Norman?
Recovering.
That was careless of him
not to turn off
that fuse box,
wasn't it?
Right.
Well, I'll
see you later.
Bye-bye.
She seems upset.
Well, not to worry.
What harm can it do?
Chocolate?
Isn't that boy toy
you got her sweet enough?
God, ray,
I'm sorry.
Broken.
Broken in 3 places.
The doctor says
I might have
permanent wrist
mobility problems.
God, that really sucks.
She said her foot slipped
on the accelerator.
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, sure--that happened.
Well, why didn't you
tell the police?
I mean, they should
at least know about
the comics.
No, ok?
I'm not talkin'
to the police.
Yeah, but that's
like motive--
nah-uh-uh!
Ok, this is between
me and Norman and Judy.
Ok, this is between
me and Norman and Judy.
Now, I got
my wrist fixed...
But now I'm gonna
fix them!
No!
Yes. Who knows what
Raymond'll try next?
Why was it
that he didn't
have me arrested?
I just want
to feel safe.
Just tell me that,
smarty-pants.
No!
Do you understand me?
I forbid you, ok? No.
Forbid me?
Yeah, right.
What can I do for you?
Deal me in.
I'm the one waving
the plastic today.
You need a gun?
No, garden fertilizer.
I understand.
The streets
aren't as safe
as they used to be.
Yeah,
not with her drivin'.
Might I recommend
a derringer?
Petite,
for a woman's hand
or clutch purse.
I thought it was illegal
for a guy like you
to use words like petite
or clutch purse.
Let's talk high-caliber.
The . 45.
Damn it, no. Listen.
If you're gonna
get a gun,
at least get
a small gun.
I mean, let's
be realistic, right?
Why don't you
just take a look
at this 9 millimeter?
And bullets, of course?
So, I forget
which anthology
it was in,
but Larry never
talks about
how superman can never
even marry Lois.
How superman can never
even marry Lois.
At least,
if he did, he could
never screw her.
'Cause he'd have
supersperm,
which would never die
and be superstrong
and would mess up
her insides.
Well,
I gotta think about this.
Why stop there?
I mean, if supes had
supersperm,
then he would come
in a superspurt.
Who's to say
it wouldn't shoot
right out the top
of Lois' head?
Yeah, I think
he commented on that.
In the book.
The writer talks about
how superman couldn't
even jerk off,
the writer talks about
how superman couldn't
even jerk off,
because the sperm
would have the ability
to fly.
'Cause they're
tiny versions of him,
and how they'd forever
fly around the world
looking for eggs
to impregnate.
And that was
what it took.
Heavy rain
and buckets aplenty
to make Raymond see...
It was time
for desperate measures...
Seniors...
And desperate men.
What are we doin' here?
Uh, I'm just gonna
go see a friend of mine.
Since when did you
have friends west
of third street?
Never mind, ok? Just--
no. Since when
did you have friends
west of third street,
who hang out
in topless bars?
He's an old friend of mine
from high school.
He's a good friend.
So, why are you
seeing him now?
What's with
all the questions, ok?!
I thought you were
my friend.
I asked you to help me.
I need some help
right now, ok?
Ok.
Will you help me?
Ok.
Will you help me?
Ok.
I need help.
Help. Help me!
Fine. Ok.
What do you want me
to do?
Here. I want you
to hold this.
What?!
Are you
shittin' me, man?!
Look, it's dangerous
in there, ok?
And if I come out runnin',
just, uh, fire a shot
in the air--
fire a shot
in the air?!
Yeah. Scare 'em.
But what if they
don't get scared?
What if they
shoot back at me?
Just--just--
I'll be back in a minute.
Hey, Carter.
It's--it's--it's me,
Raymond macgillicuddy.
No bells.
Come on,
central high spartans,
class of '84. Whoo!
Still no bells.
Still no bells.
Ain't she sweet?
Oh, yeah.
That's one sweet piece
of pussy pie
right there, huh?
That's my girlfriend.
Uh, um...
So, what do you want?
I haven't seen you
here before.
Which is surprising,
which is surprising,
'cause I see your kind
here all the time.
Well, I don't have
that many dollar bills
to throw around,
unfortunately.
Which is why I came
to see you.
Uh, see, some
of the guys and I
from high school,
you know, we get
to talking and stuff,
and your name pops up,
and, uh, you know,
no one really knows much
about what's goin' on,
but there are,
you know--
there are rumors
about you.
Oh, yeah?
Who says what?
Well, it's--
ok, it's not important.
What is--whew. Whoo!
Time out.
What is--whew. Whoo!
Time out.
Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm remembering now.
I used to beat
the crap outta you.
Mackill-a-kiddie.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, macgillicuddy.
Cuddy.
Yeah, you used to cry
when I hit you.
Kicked you
in the balls once,
and you fainted.
No, I--I threw up
in front of
science class,
but, um, hey,
bygones be bygones, ok?
But, um, hey,
bygones be bygones, ok?
'Cause, see, I, uh,
think I've got
some work for you.
I want--I--
I need you to steal
something for me.
What's in it for me?
Well, I can't pay you.
Good-bye.
Listen, please.
Just give me a moment.
Uh, look--but I'll
give you a half--
a half of the profits
after resale,
and I'm talkin',
like, a lot of cash.
So what's to steal?
Comic books.
Good-bye.
No! No, listen!
Just hear me out.
Now, don't--
don't think--
forget I said comics.
don't even think comics.
Just think something
worth a lot of money.
Ok, just think--just
think the mother lode,
ok?
The holy grail
of comics.
Just--it's just--
it is worth--
god knows
what it's worth.
Million dollars,
maybe more.
I used to like comics.
So, are you interested?
Do we have a deal,
or can we partner
on this thing?
What's goin' on?
What did you--
I told you to wait
in the car!
Well, I called
the bank about that,
and they haven't
called back yet.
They haven't called back.
You know, you can call again.
Hello, norm. Judy.
Hey.
How's it goin'?
Oh, I'm fine. Fine.
Um, do you have
the most recent
Neil gaiman hardcover?
Um, do you have
the most recent
Neil gaiman hardcover?
Uh, the British edition,
not the American.
Oh, well,
we had that one,
but we're out now.
You're, uh,
slow on the uptake.
That's not like you.
Well, I didn't think
I wanted it,
but I changed my mind.
Well, change
is good.
Say, you take
your collectin'
pretty
seriously,
don't ya?
You spend a lot
every month.
Every week,
practically.
Yeah, between here
and Raymond's store,
you must spend
every single
spare cent, huh?
It's ok.
We know about
Raymond's store.
It's ok.
We know about
Raymond's store.
We don't
really consider
his store
competition.
We feel like
we offer
so much more.
In fact, we like
that you go there.
Say, conan, how
would you like
free comics?
Every week.
Gratis.
What would I have to do?
She said she wasn't
going to sell.
What was I supposed to do?
Do nothing, man.
You shrug
your shoulders,
you walk away,
and get on with the
rest of your life.
Archie, this
is my life, all right?
This is my life.
Archie, this
is my life, all right?
This is my life.
And then I saw
those beautiful books,
and I saw a way
I could finally
improve things. Finally.
When?
Tonight.
don't worry, ok?
I told him to be careful
and not hurt
your little girlfriend.
Oh. Hi, conan.
Hi, guys.
This is crazy.
Those lunatics are
gonna steal the books?
That's right.
This whole thing
has turned into
a sea of madness,
and we're clinging
to a buoy.
A boy? You on about
having a kid again?
Not a boy. A buoy.
A life buoy.
Oh! Oh.
Now I've lost
my train of thought.
Sorry. Sorry.
Clinging to a buoy
in a sea of madness.
Mm-hmm.
We can make this
simple again.
We can make this
simple again.
Why, I--I don't think
going in there with a gun
is simple.
I don't think so.
We stop the crime.
The old woman
sees us do it,
and she's grateful.
How can she
not be grateful?
Then we offer her
the money again.
Why don't we just tell
the cops what we know?
Then she'll be
grateful to them.
Jeez, norm. God.
It's whoever she sees
doing her right.
Oh.
This is
too dangerous,
I think.
If you do this for me,
I'll let you smoke a cigarette.
So began
the long night of
twists and turns.
Though looking back,
I still wonder about Carter,
with his violent temper
and his damp walls,
why he decided
to do what he did...
And how things
might have been
if he hadn't.
And how things
might have been
if he hadn't.
Is there anything
I should know about?
What?
You know, is there
anything I should know about
about you
and the old lady?
Is there anything,
like, Harold and maude
goin' on or somethin'?
Is there anything,
like, Harold and maude
goin' on or somethin'?
Gross! No.
We're just friends.
Look, I--hey!
I'm not saying, you know,
it would be
wrong if there was.
It's just, uh...
You know, far be it
for me to judge.
The heart wants
what the heart wants.
You're
creeping me out.
Oh, I'm creeping
you
out?
I'm not the one
doin' an old lady.
I'm not doin'
the old lady, ok?
She's my friend.
We hang out.
We talk about Spain.
Whatever you say, Romeo.
It's just...
You don't seem happy
about this whole thing.
I'm ecstatic
about it.
Just remember,
it's for the best.
The best.
The best
for who, ray?
Jesus. Do you
give a shit
what I think
about anything?
No, you don't!
I'm like
an accessory
to you.
Jesus!
Carter is
half an hour late.
We got here
15 minutes early.
I am sick
of this shit.
I am sick
of this shit.
Look, ok. If you're
so sick of this shit,
why don't you just go home,
back to your 4 walls
and a microwave?!
Is that what you want?
Archie... come on.
Ray.
Did you say that
Carter drove
a blue truck?
You did,
right? Blue?
Yeah.
I think I see it
parked behind
Mrs. cresswell's
house.
What?
I completely understand.
I'd be mad, too,
if I was being robbed.
But, uh... you know,
it's kinda like
a roller coaster ride.
There's nothin'
you can do,
except hang on and hope.
It's a nice house
you got here,
by the way.
Are you going to kill me?
I haven't decided yet.
But I like this town.
And, uh...
You identifying me,
you can imagine.
I'm an old woman.
I forget things.
Oh, yeah. That's right.
You're the, uh...
You're the drooling,
old, senile type,
aren't you?
Who you trying to fool?
Your voice is clear,
your eyes are sharp,
your voice is clear,
your eyes are sharp,
and this house
doesn't have that, uh,
that stale piss smell
most old folks'
places do.
Yeah, you're one
smart little cookie,
aren't you?
I tell you
what I'm gonna do.
These are the last
of the boxes.
I'm gonna load 'em up
into my truck,
and, uh...
And then I'll
make up my mind.
All right?
Aah! Aah!
Freeze!
Mrs. cresswell,
are you ok?
Mrs. cresswell,
are you ok?
You're late.
Oh, yeah? Well,
look who's early.
I figured
you'd see my truck
and follow me in.
Oh.
Thank you, god.
I'm so relieved.
I just--
Raymond, did you hear
what he just said?
He might kill Mrs. cresswell.
Yeah, I thought you--
I thought you might
wanna pull
a double cross.
Oh, I am.
So you're gonna kill
all 3 of us then?
No, you two
can walk.
You'd be implicated
if you talked,
and, uh...
Believe me,
you and jail time
would be
an uneasy union.
Would be
an uneasy union.
Now you can
turn around
and go back out
the way you came.
Not without Mrs. cresswell.
I'm not goin' anywhere
without those comics.
Because I--I--I would
rather be dead
than leave
without those comics.
Suit yourself.
I've got the gun.
So do I.
Hold it!
Drop your gun!
Uh, uh, you,
drop the gun!
Drop the gun,
you motherfucking asshole!
Rawr!
Finally...
Someone here
who speaks my lingo.
Get away from
the comic books!
Now you! Drop your gun!
Drop your fucking gun!
No! No! No!
Those are mine!
Those are mine,
goddamn it!
They're not yours!
And him, him I might
have listened to.
But not you, you bitch!
Oh, what are you smiling at?
Oh, what are you smiling at?
Nothing. It's just
that I thought
I was dealing
with fools.
Well, now you see
differently, my friend.
No, I don't.
P-p-put the gun down.
Come on, ray.
What are you doin'?
We're not gunmen.
We're comic book
collectors.
Archie's right.
This is
my
home.
And I want you
out of here.
Mrs. cresswell.
Put the--
put the gun--oh!
Put the--
put the gun--oh!
Baby!
Baby, are you ok?
You shot me!
Are you ok?
Here, Mrs. cresswell.
Oh, god. Are you ok?
Raymond, call
an ambulance.
I have to go after Carter.
He's got most of the books.
You coming?
She is bleeding
to death! Call 911!
She's dying, Archie, all right?
There's nothin' you can--
she--she's done.
You motherfucker.
I'm goin'. Now,
are you comin' with me?
I'm goin'. Now,
are you comin' with me?
Are you with me?!
Aw, shoot.
Baby, can you walk?
Yeah.
Aah!
You're such a big boy.
Let's go, baby.
Call 911.
I can't leave her.
I'm trying to stop
the bleeding.
You can walk,
you think?
I am begging you!
It is not too late!
It is for her.
That bitch should have sold
while she could.
You ok?
Do you know
how to get to
the hospital from here?
Yeah, honey, but we're
not goin' there,
not yet. You're ok.
No, I'm hurt!
I know, but you're
on your feet.
You'll live,
and if we
get these comics,
you'll live well.
You and me.
What?
Mrs. cresswell,
I need you to hold
your own stomach.
Mrs. cresswell,
I need you to hold
your own stomach.
I've got to get
to the phone.
No. No. No.
don't leave me.
I'm...
Done.
Why didn't you
just sell?
To one or the other.
It would have
been so simple.
Oh, god.
My son wasted...
Himself collecting.
He never truly
lived his life.
He never truly
lived his life.
But they were his things.
And, uh...
I miss him so much.
Listen to me.
I want you to take the...
The funny books...
That that...
Motherfucker left behind.
I want you to go to my...
I want you to go to my...
My son's room.
And in the closet.
He didn't just
collect funny books.
Mrs. cresswell,
if only I would have
just told ray--
hush!
I am... I was...
I am... I was...
Getting bored anyway.
Hey, kiki.
Hey, be quiet.
It's a little
late for that.
Besides, who's around
at this hour?
Normal,
careful of glass.
Ow!
Oh, shit.
Are you ok?
Now I'm bleeding
in 2 places!
All right, honey. Well,
look for a rolodex,
anything that might
have Carter's address,
a phone number, even.
What a palace.
Ow.
Come on, honey.
Found it.
This oughta do.
Yeah, this'll do.
It was hard, 'cause
there was all the--
the power tools
and saws and...
I mean,
are you fucking
the hardware guy?
Is it Carter's?
Yeah?
Yeah, I pretty much
figured he was
a handy kinda guy.
Where is he?
I don't know.
You have such
a beautiful body.
I saw you
at the club
dancing that day.
You were
so graceful.
But not when you
spread your legs.
That was--
that was obscene.
That was
unnecessary.
don't like
guys like me, do you?
What's it take?
Does it take money?
I've got money.
I've got some money.
You know what
I could do to you
with this hammer?
You wouldn't
dance anymore.
Where's Carter?
I don't know.
You're lying.
See, I wish
I could have
a girl like you--
beautiful and loyal.
I'd treat you good.
Oh, god.
I wouldn't let you
dance naked for men.
He's not worth it.
If I was your man,
I wouldn't let you
be here all alone.
Where is he?
I don't know.
I don't know.
don't lie to me!
don't fucking
lie to me!
don't fucking
lie to me!
I hate
girls like you!
Where is he?!
I don't know!
Anything yet?
No.
No.
All right,
keep looking.
See, I'm startin'
to feel dizzy.
Listen, we'll go
to the hospital soon,
lover, ok?
I feel tingly.
Soon. Just search
the counter.
It's the first place
I looked.
Keep looking!
Maybe I'll...
Look underneath.
Maybe something fell underneath.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
What is it?!
The counter! I think
it broke my foot!
Oh, aah! Honey!
Come on, honey. Just try
and wiggle it free.
No! No--aah!
No wiggling!
Please,
just wiggle.
I'm pinned.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Put that fire out.
That could spread.
I think I saw
a fire extinguisher.
Hurry up, honey!
It's starting to spread!
Ow!
I'm coming, honey!
Damn it! I'm stuck!
Aah!
Damn lazy bastard
didn't keep
the pressure up.
Hey, I'm really
stuck, Judy.
Shit. Honey,
the line is dead.
All right, I'm gonna try
freeing you again, baby.
Come on.
It's really starting
to get hot, Judy. Hurry up.
Ok. I have to find
a pay phone, ok? Ok.
No. No. No.
don't leave me here!
If you leave me, I'll burn.
It's really
getting hot, Judy!
I don't wanna burn!
I don't wanna burn, Judy!
Oh, please.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I interrupting you?
Reading by the fire?
You fucking weirdo!
Back in high school,
you were so mean.
Weren't you, lone wolf?
You used to scare
the jocks shitless.
But you always
liked comic books.
See, that part,
that part
I should've remembered.
Used to have
quite a collection.
Yeah. You used
to take most of mine.
So, how'd you find me?
Oh, your
girlfriend kiki.
I went down by the club,
and she gave me
a little dance.
We got to talking,
and I asked,
and she told me.
What are you reading?
Avengers
#4.
First modern appearance
of captain America.
I know.
That's $1, 000 book
you got there.
You better be careful.
The moisture
from your fingertips
is devaluing it
as we speak.
Where's the rest
of the books?
Still in the truck.
Catch my breath.
You know, as I was
drivin' over here,
I began remembering
reading comic books
back when, and, uh...
All the facts
and figures...
About superpowers,
secret identities
we took the time
to memorize.
That some of us
still do.
Sometimes I think
if I woulda spent
just an eighth
of the time studying,
say, physics equations,
rather than comic book trivia,
I'd probably have won
the nobel prize. Huh?
Hmm.
So, uh...
Kiki just
gave me up, huh?
She didn't even lie.
She said, "oh, Carter?
Oh, yeah. I'll tell you
where he is."
Sorry.
So...
What now?
What now?
What now?
I have a gun. Ok?
And my hand's
not shaking anymore.
Not now.
And I want your gun.
What gun?
don't fuck with me!
I see you have
a gun right there!
In the back
of your pants, Carter.
Aah! Ah! Ah! Ah ha ha!
Ha! Slowly!
Toss it.
Ok, up. Let's go.
Why don't you lead?
Ok. You're the boss.
Watch that cable.
Motherfucker.
Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aw.
Macgillicuddy
fall down.
Ungh!
Ha!
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Son of a bitch!
What the fuck
are you doin'?!
Son of a bitch! Aah!
Aw, shit!
Aw, shit!
Jesus!
Son of a bitch!
You son of a bitch!
If you'd only
done as I asked,
we'd both be rich.
But no! No!
See, I would have
been somebody.
But you...
Who--who--who
were you gonna
sell 'em to, huh?
They're comics,
you ass!
I remember them
from when I was a kid.
I didn't need you.
Oh! Ok! Oh, yeah!
You're a fucking
encyclopedia
about comics.
You're the oracle
of delphi on comics!
Please! Please!
First appearance
of superman.
Uh,
action comics
#1.
Uh,
action comics
#1.
Everyone knows that.
Batman.
Uh...
Detective comics
Spider-man.
Uh,
spider man
#1.
Uh-uh.
Oh, wait. Wait.
Uh, uh...
Amazing fantasy
Golden age flash.
Flash comics
#1.
Silver age flash.
Showcase
Uh, uh,
the human torch.
Uh, uh,
the human torch.
Human torch...
Fantastic four
#1.
No! I am
talking about
the 1940's torch.
Oh. Oh. Uh...
Marvel mystery
#1.
Wonder woman.
Wonder woman.
Wonder woman.
Wonder woman.
Sensation
Ahh! Wrong!
No. No. Wait.
I'm right.
It's definitely
sensation
Wrong! Wrong!
Wrong! Wrong!
Well, it's not
wonder woman
#1,
if that's what
you're thinking.
What are you
trying to do?
Are you trying
to insult me?
Do you
think I'm stupid?
I'm standing here
before you.
You think I'm stupid?
Wonder woman first
appeared in
all star
8,
a justice society
backup story.
So either you're
trying to patronize me,
or you're trying
to fuck with me,
or you're trying
to get yourself killed.
And, by the way,
you're doing
a very good job.
No, wait.
And the bullets
didn't even bounce
off your chest.
And the bullets
didn't even bounce
off your chest.
Hi.
Who is it?
Who is it?
It's me,
ray macgillicuddy
what do you want?
Some polite
conversation.
Drink?
Yeah.
I don't drink.
I don't smoke.
Ok.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
My store's on fire.
It was an accident.
It's ok.
It's ok.
These things happen.
I killed a man tonight.
Me, too.
Did yours
deserve it?
Yes. Yes, he did.
Did yours?
Remember that feeling?
Remember that feeling?
That feeling
when the hunt
became everything.
Just the comics
and us hating you
and you hating us.
And food and sex
and deep breaths,
everything felt better.
I remember food
tasting really good.
All because
of comic books.
It was rude
to run you over.
Yeah. I oughta...
I oughta get ya
for that one! Aah!
Whoo!
Oh!
My ride's here.
My ride's here.
I gotta go.
I've got nothing left,
and I've got no reason to stay.
Are you comin'?
Ah, the store's
open late.
If they come in,
maybe they'll
buy something.
It's a nice shop.
Summer was
a hot one that year.
It came about
a month later,
hotter than hell.
All the worse for
the guys I knew.
All the worse for
the guys I knew.
They had to make the trek
to the next town
for their comic books now,
with Raymond dead
and Judy in jail.
It made me sad so few
of Raymond's customers
came to his funeral.
You'd have thought
he mattered more to people,
but I guess he knew better,
especially at the end.
When the town did get
a new comic store,
it made sense
who'd run it.
Conan's mom had money.
I just never guessed
how much.
I just never guessed
how much.
Not that I cared by then.
I had money, too.
And I was long gone.
I'd done what
Mrs. cresswell had told me.
I looked in her son's closet
and found baseball cards.
Robinson, koufax,
mays, mantle,
and a million other names
I never even heard of--
together worth more than
even the comic books.
The thing is,
I don't like baseball...
I don't like baseball...
So I sold them.
Does that make me
as bad as the others?
I don't know.
I don't know.
But at least
I did something
with the money,
like I think Mrs. cresswell
would have wanted.
After all that had happened,
life and the living of it
seemed too fleeting
to waste in one place...
To waste in one place...
Or on arguing
whether superman
was stronger
than the hulk.
So I traveled.
First America,
then Europe...
Really taking my time
at each place
learning and growing,
but always knowing where
I'd eventually settle down.
Barcelona.
They have comics here, too.
They have comics here, too.
But I can't understand them.
You know comics?
Oh, please.
I'm listening. I'm all ears.
Please, please, tell me!
It's not just comics.
It's about cash.
We could have split it.
We could have split it? No!
It's all mine!
Why? Why? Why would
I split it with you?
Because we were
in this together.
No! I'm in this alone!
My whole life!
Every waking, sleeping,
dreaming moment of my life,
I spent for comics.
What do you
live for, my friend?
You know comics?
You know shit!
You know comics?
You know shit!
Is that what it would
have taken to share?
I know comics, too.
I--I grew up with them.
Oh, yeah, you know comics.
You're the oracle
of delphi of comics.
Yes, um, uh...
First appearance
of superman?
Uh,
action comics
#1.
Everyone knows that.
Batman?
Detective comics
Spider-man?
Spider-man
#1.
Uh-uh!
Oh, wait, wait. Uh...
Amazing fantasy
Amazing fantasy
Golden age flash?
Golden age flash...
Uh,
flash comics
#1.
Silver age flash?
Showcase 4.
Human torch?
Uh,
fantastic four
#1.
No! I'm taking about
the 1940's torch!
Oh, uh...
Marvel mystery
#1.
Wonder woman?
Wonder woman...
Come on!
Wonder woman...
Wonder woman--
sensation
Wrong!
No, no, wait.
I'm right.
It's definitely
sensation
I'm right.
It's definitely
sensation
No!
No!
It's not
wonder woman #1,
if that's--
what are you trying to do?
What are you trying to do?
Insult me?
Are you patronizing me,
or are you just trying
to get yourself killed?
Because if
you're doing that,
you're doing
a very... good... job.
Our town?
Um... it was normal.
Walk down main street
on a busy Saturday,
and you knew
almost everyone.
Yep, a normal place.
Normal stores
and normal people.
And if it was
a little boring,
no one seemed
to notice but me.
The thing is, looking back,
I see it wasn't just normal.
It was real, too--
the real world,
where parents paid bills
and kids worried
about football tryouts,
and kids worried
about football tryouts,
where folks argued
whether the president
was a Saint or a sinner.
Yep. Real.
A little piece
of the world
that my friends and me
didn't belong to.
See, we had
a world of our own.
Why argue about
the president
when you could argue
for the fate of earth
with galactus,
devourer of worlds?
Why try out for football
when you could try out
for the X-Men?
Nah, we didn't
do any of that.
Nah, we didn't
do any of that.
But read enough comics,
and it sure made
you feel like you did.
Pathetic? Yeah, maybe.
But all you out there
with your daytime soaps,
as far as I'm concerned,
you're in glass houses
throwing stones.
That's me.
The name's Archie lake.
I have to say
that I'm a bit different
from a lot of guys here.
Not by choice,
my parents dying and all.
I was alone.
I had a single room
in a guesthouse.
Me, a bed, and more comic
boxes than I could count.
Me, a bed, and more comic
boxes than I could count.
Most of these guys
live at home.
Why? No rent.
And guess what that
extra dough gets spent on.
And not just
new books every month,
back issues, too,
some costing
some serious dough.
Which is
how and why things turned
a little crazy last year.
Ah, and this
is Raymond macgillicuddy,
owner of this
heaven on earth.
Getting in with Raymond
so he thought you were
worth talking to...
Now that was
something to strive for.
Now that was
something to strive for.
When he thought
you were worth the effort,
boy, those talks...
Stimulating.
About things
that really matter.
If you want to fuck
a superheroine,
the golden age canary
wins hands-down over
the modern version
because of the fishnets.
How about the valkyrie
from the
airboy
comic?
Normally,
I'd agree with you, uh,
except for
the fact that she was
in suspended animation.
She started screwing
the airboy in the 1940s,
then she comes out
of cold storage
and starts
screwing the new airboy
in the present?
So?
So?
Well,
the new airboy
in the present
is the son
of the original.
That means the valkyrie
was doing
the father and the son.
That is fucked up.
Ah, ah, gentlemen,
she was lost.
She was lonely.
She was looking
for love, ok?
Which of us,
under those conditions,
wouldn't do the same?
Yes.
And this is conan.
He calls himself that
'cause he says
he calls himself that
'cause he says
Robert e. Howard,
the guy who created
conan the barbarian,
was his great uncle,
which I know is a crock.
He's my Dr. doom,
my archfoe.
Why?
He has more money than me,
and he snags
the comics I can't.
Plus, he's in
with Raymond, too.
In fact, it was him
that started all
the craziness.
Though I admit it seemed
innocent at the time
when he opened his mouth,
sweet as pie, and said...
Raymond,
do you know a guy
named David cresswell?
Do you know a guy
named David cresswell?
David cresswell...
No, no. Should--should I?
The new books come in?
Hellboy
by mignola.
Madman
by allred.
The others,
they're the same old crap.
Is that it, arch?
Yeah, unless
my poster came in.
Nope.
Well, what about my
Alex Ross signed hardcover?
Nope, again.
You're not having
much luck today.
Ring me up.
Ring me up.
What's going on?
You seem kind of down.
You all right?
I'm fine.
You know, I just really
don't want to talk about it.
Why not?
You're
among friends.
Um, do you remember
my cousin Sam?
I brought him in once
when he was visiting.
Well, it doesn't matter.
Anyway, he got this job
driving a cab in New York,
and he saved up
all this money,
and now he's
going to Europe.
Big deal. What's so
special about that?
Europe isn't--isn't here.
It's--
it's there?
Yeah, it's there.
It's somewhere.
Yeah, it's there.
It's somewhere.
Why would you want
to leave town?
Everything worth
having is right here.
Raymond's store.
Domino's pizza.
Very true.
Ah, conan, be careful
of that, um, counter.
The leg's broken.
You going to fix it?
I'll get
around to it.
This, um...
Cresswell character.
Should I know him?
He died.
My mom told me.
She met his mom.
Oh, really?
He was on old guy.
50, 55.
He was on old guy.
50, 55.
Collected comic books
his whole life.
I find that
hard to believe,
seeing as I know every
serious comic-book collector
in the tri-county area,
and I've never heard
of this cresswell character.
I meant he did until,
like, 5 years ago.
That was before
you opened the store.
But he started buying
when he was 8 or 9.
That's like 45 years
of collecting.
It's cool, huh?
And he's deceased, you say?
Too many burgers.
His heart.
Makes you proud
to be a comic fan.
Where--where does
this mother live?
Where--where does
this mother live?
My mom met her
at the doctor's.
She's like 100
or something,
extremely old.
Who, your mom?
Mrs. cresswell.
Oh.
They met at the doctor's
waiting room.
They don't exchange
numbers or anything.
My mom's hot.
She's trying to date
the u. P. S. Guy,
so I can't see her
giving foot rubs
to some old woman,
you know?
C-conan, have you told
this to anyone else?
Uh-uh, only you.
Uh-uh, only you.
Which wasn't exactly true.
In fact,
it wasn't true at all.
You remember that conan
was my archenemy?
Well, Raymond had
his own Lex Luthor.
Norman link
and his wife Judy
had their own store
across town.
They weren't
hard-core comic fans.
Norman realized
that there was money
to be made in comics,
especially if you
stocked a variety of cards
and games
and stickers and crap
that encouraged mothers
to bring in their kids.
And that's why
Raymond hates them.
And that's why
Raymond hates them.
He feels there's
no real love for comics,
neither Norman or his wife.
Norman, in turn,
hates Raymond as
a professional rival.
I think words
were even exchanged once
when they were
at a stop sign
and they both thought
they had the right of way.
I never go into the place.
I have Raymond,
so why would I?
But little did
ray and I know
that conan...
He liked to switch-hit.
Which is why,
earlier that same day...
Do you know a guy
named David cresswell?
And that's our cast
of four-color characters.
No, wait.
There's one more.
The reason
I almost forgot him
is that
I didn't know this guy
when it all started.
None of us did
except Raymond,
and even his association
was from a long time ago.
And even his association
was from a long time ago.
Here he is...
J. C. Carter.
Though what
the j and the c stand for
though what
the j and the c stand for
are as mysterious
as the shadow.
And as you can see
at this moment in time,
the last thing
on his mind is comic books.
Hello?
Archie, hey.
Hey, what are you doing?
Babylon 5
is on.
It's a repeat.
It's a repeat.
So?
So don't you have
the week off work?
Yep, my boss
is making me take it.
So what are
you going to do with it?
I don't know.
I'll probably re-bag
part of my collection
and practice
how to make the perfect
grilled-cheese sandwich.
Hey, um, how'd you like
to spend tomorrow
driving around with me?
It's probably nothing.
No, we can't afford it.
Ok, well,
it's probably nothing,
so don't worry about it.
Well, why are
we bothering
if it's nothing?
Because maybe
it is something.
Because maybe
it is something.
Then we
should worry.
Can--
Norman.
Look, rumors like this one
drip down from
the clouds every few years.
The big collection.
You start hearing about
30, 40, 50 years of comic books
kept pristine
in a basement or a warehouse.
Usually it turns out
to be bullcrap.
50 years
of so-called collecting
turns out to be
a year of
Archie comics
in a cardboard box.
Turns out to be
a year of
Archie comics
in a cardboard box.
Or there's
a few old comics,
but the rats and the damp
have gotten to them.
So why bother?
Because you never know.
There was a collection once.
"The mile-high collection"
they call it now.
The man that found it
built a mini-empire
of comic-book stores
in Colorado and abouts.
Norman,
we can't afford to be
buying collections.
Our quarterly taxes
are due next week.
I know it.
Say, you want pizza tonight?
I want a baby.
Gee, I don't know
if I can get that
as a topping, honey.
How about, uh, sausage?
You bastard.
Say, where's the phone book?
The number for
the pizza store
is on the refrigerator.
No, I'm thinking
there can't be too many
cresswells in town, right?
Hey, I'm leaving.
I want to take a bath.
Ohh, nice.
Can I watch?
No, you can't.
I want an hour
to myself,
I want an hour
to myself,
so don't come over yet.
Ok.
So what are
you going to do?
Finish up here.
Oh, will you
grab something
on your way over?
What?
I'm making you
a meal tonight.
Macaroni and cheese?
No,
I'm making a roasted
vegetable omelette,
and I got everything.
I just need, uh...
Red and yellow
sweet peppers.
Honey?
Huh?
Can you get them?
Yeah, yeah.
Green and yellow peppers.
No, red.
No, red.
Red and yellow peppers.
Ok, I'll get 'em.
Thanks.
Oh, and, uh,
Cheryl said that she saw
Tony here earlier,
but I must have
been backstage.
I've been here hours.
I haven't seen him.
Just be careful,
all right?
Right.
I love you, booby.
Hey!
don't you love me?
You know it, honeysuckle.
Mr. Carter?
Been a while.
Oh, hi, Tony.
How you doing?
How or who,
which did you say?
How.
Ah...
'Cause if you'd
asked me who,
then I'd have to tell you
that I'm not doing anyone.
But you're doing
someone, though.
Come on, Tony.
We've been
through all this.
Your ex-wife
is just that--
your ex.
Your ex-wife
is just that--
your ex.
I didn't
break you guys up.
You were around.
Who are these guys?
My friends.
Didn't bring
any of your buddies?
No, I'm, uh...
More of a loner.
don't hurt me.
Please, Carter.
I'll leave you alone.
I promise. I promise.
Oh, yeah?
Well, what makes you think
I don't enjoy
our time together, huh?
Hmm?
Hmm?
You fuck!
Now,
the new day didn't begin
with a glorious dawn
marking the start
of some grand adventure.
There was one cresswell
listed in the phone book,
no Mr. or Mrs.
alongside it,
so we didn't know
what we'd find
when we got there.
Not me. Not Raymond...
Not me. Not Raymond...
Not Norman.
M-m-Mrs. cresswell?
They're around the back.
What are?
My bottles.
It's about time the city
came and got 'em.
Your bottles?
Yes, I've even
sorted them into
clear and colored.
I've done all
the work for you.
A little
old lady like me,
you ought to be
ashamed of yourselves.
No, I'm--I'm not here
for your bottles,
Mrs. cresswell,
no, I'm--I'm not here
for your bottles,
Mrs. cresswell,
I'm not with the city.
I--I had a, uh,
a city job once, but...
I was actually--
I was wondering
if I might have
a word with you.
Look, if you're
a jehovah's witness,
you're wasting
your time,
because I've made
my peace with god,
and I don't
want to change
the way I say
good morning
and good night to him
at this late date.
No, no, no. I'm not here
about god, either.
Then what
can I do for you?
Well, you, um...
Well, you, um...
You had a son, right?
He was 65
and still living
with his mom.
He enjoyed
his life, though.
He never went out.
Not after
he left his job.
Ah, a pleasant
retirement nonetheless.
No, disability.
He slipped at work.
He said there was
grease on the floor.
I think
he was just so fat
that he fell over.
I think
he was just so fat
that he fell over.
But don't get me wrong.
don't get me wrong.
I loved my boy.
I know you did.
So he--he stayed here?
He watched videos,
and he ate ribs
and apple pie,
and that was his life.
Hmm.
I came down one morning
and found him dead
from the night before.
Tragic. What a shame.
Yeah, I can see
the tears in your eyes.
Now, what do you want?
Dave--David was
a collector, right?
Yeah.
Comic books?
Yeah, most of his life.
Do you still have them?
Sure, sure. I have
everything of David's.
See, I'm a bit
of a collector myself,
and I'd actually
might be interested
in buying them from you.
Well, I'm sorry,
but you see,
they're not for sale.
Well, I'm sorry,
but you see,
they're not for sale.
Oh, well, I'm sure
we could come to some sort
of
understanding.
Not unless
you understand
that I'm not interested.
Well, could I at least
just see what he had?
No. I don't see
the point of it,
you know?
I-I'd like to know...
For my own peace of mind.
Well...
Never let it be said
that I denied anybody
his peace of mind.
Come on.
No humidity.
No light.
That's good.
Oh, god.
Goddamn it,
there he goes.
Ohh, this
doesn't look good.
Oh, goddamn it.
Shit!
Shit!
Fuck! Shit!
Goddamn it!
Jesus Christ!
I bet you he found her!
I see--
look at his face!
I bet you that
son of a bitch
found her!
You know what
this about, Archie?
This is about that house
being a quarter of a mile
closer to his shop
than my fucking shop!
A quarter of a fucking mile!
What are you
going to do?
I don't know!
Mrs. cresswell?
Yes.
Hi. You just
saw my colleague?
Hi. You just
saw my colleague?
Your colleague?
My--I mean
my partner, um, Norman.
He said I should,
uh, introduce myself.
I don't know why.
I told him I wasn't
interested in selling them.
The comic books?
Well, what else
would I be talking about?
Oh, well, um...
See, Norman, uh, thought
I should--I should
take a look at them.
Look, I told him,
and I'm telling you
I don't want to sell
my son's things.
Oh, and I'm--
I'm sorry for your loss,
oh, and I'm--
I'm sorry for your loss,
but could I look at
the comic books anyway?
Your partner
already saw them.
I know, ok, but see,
he--I'm--he's not me.
And I'm...
I'm a collector,
and your son
was a collector.
And I have so much
respect for...
Uh... collecting.
Please?
Oh, well...
It's nice to hear
a gentleman say please.
Come on in.
Come on in.
Did you see them?
They're beautiful!
They're beautiful.
She won't sell,
you said. The end.
She won't sell,
you said. The end.
No.
That's it, Norman.
You had no right
to offer her our life savings.
We could offer her more.
We could take out a loan.
Are you high?
Maybe we could sell
that car. Who needs it?
Get something cheaper.
This is fucking crazy.
don't swear.
I hate it when you swear.
Oh, well, I swear I'll
walk out that fucking door
if you keep this up!
These collections
have pedigree.
We could charge more,
4, 5 times more
than
the comic book
price guide
says.
Old lady cresswell
is sitting on a gold mine.
She don't even know it.
She don't even know it.
I saw the complete runs
of marvel's and DC's,
some of them going back
to the golden age,
and all of them perfect.
All the ecs,
all the early
showcases
with the origin
of the flash,
the green lantern,
and the atom.
Look...
The guide says,
"$32, 000. $5, 500.
And $1, 500."
We could charge
4 times that,
and that's
just 3 comic books, honey.
The guy had thousands.
I'm serious. Thousands.
I'm serious. Thousands.
Here.
Bedtime reading for you.
Yeah, I'll kill you
with it in your sleep,
or I'll hit you
over the head.
Look, it's a gamble,
I admit it.
But if it pays off,
we can expand.
You can have a kid.
We could have it all.
Norman.
Norman,
honey, wake up.
What?
We have to get
those comics.
What happened?
Look,
man driving bus,
not funny.
Monkey driving bus,
chuckles a-plenty.
Man icing cake,
no laughs.
Monkey icing cake,
big laughs.
Man walking dog...
Hey.
What's with you?
Why aren't you
joining in?
You usually like
to take part in
this kind of stuff.
Provocative monkeys?
Yeah.
I don't know.
Excuse me
if I'm wrong. Um...
Excuse me
if I'm wrong. Um...
Weren't you the one who
tried to start the campaign
to get linda Hamilton
nominated for an Oscar
for
Terminator ii?
No, that was me.
I love that movie.
Me, too.
No, I was--
I was just thinkin'.
About the comics
at Mrs. cresswell's?
Um, no.
Just, like,
about the town.
What about it?
You know--nothin'.
Yeah, you know, lately
yeah, you know, lately
a lotta stuff's
been eatin' at me, too,
drivin' me crazy.
Booby.
Oh, hey, honey.
I was just thinkin'
about you.
Oh, yeah?
Warm thoughts, I hope.
Warm thoughts, I hope.
Is there any other kind?
Uh-uh.
I brought you lunch.
How's it goin' in here?
Well...
At least
another 4 months.
Really?
Why that long?
See that? It's damp.
Wall's rotten
with it.
That's work
I hadn't counted on.
That's work
I hadn't counted on.
Hmm.
Still I, uh...
Wish I didn't have
to sell this place.
You know, selling them
when they're fixed up
feels good, usually,
but I don't know.
This time...
I kinda feel like
I'm losin' somethin',
you know?
Really, baby?
Why this place?
Really, baby?
Why this place?
I don't know.
It feels right, somehow.
Is this room
gonna be the den?
If I have to sell it,
sure.
But I was figuring...
That if I put insulation
in the walls...
It'd make a pretty cool
studio for your music.
It'd make a pretty cool
studio for your music.
What do you think?
Well, I mean, you been
bustin' your ass
to afford
recording equipment.
I mean, at least now
we have somewhere
to put it, right?
We?
Mm-hmm.
You and me, baby...
Till death.
Mrs. cresswell.
Um... maybe.
I'm Judy.
Well, I'm happy
for you, darling.
Oh, no. Judy.
Norman's Judy?
The guy interested
in your comic books.
You mean my son's.
Mm-hmm. That's right.
Your son's comic books.
Mm-hmm. That's right.
Your son's comic books.
Um, I was wondering
if we could talk
about that.
I wasn't very interested
in talking to your
husband about them.
Right. And I was
just thinking that
maybe it was the way
my Norman brought it up
that you didn't like.
You know,
men.
And then there was
the real nervous one.
He said he was
with you, too.
He's a liar,
a terrible,
terrible liar.
A bit touched, too,
if you ask me.
So, listen, let's talk.
I mean, surely
there's a way
I mean, surely
there's a way
we can come
to an understanding.
Just us girls, huh?
That's right. Us girls.
Ok.
I--I love the garden.
I'm the gardener.
Oh, yeah?
I am the gardener.
Yeah.
I all but went down
on the old bitch.
Nice goin'.
You know, I offered her
15 grand?
Yeah?
And then I upped it
to 20.
20 grand? Do we--
do we even have
that much?
20 grand? Do we--
do we even have
that much?
I mean, by that point,
I didn't care.
20 grand will keep
this rusted old woman
until she dies,
and she still
turned it down.
All right. It's ok.
Good job, sweetie.
Good try.
Uhh!
We'll figure
somethin' out.
Yeah.
It's ok.
Hey, it's ok.
You did a good job.
Mm-hmm.
I mean,
at least we're
workin' together
like a team.
There was a time
when I didn't even
think
our marriage was
gonna last anymore,
because we didn't
have anything
in common.
Hey...
Hey...
The way I feel
about you now,
I know that we're
gonna make it.
I do.
You know what
I feel like?
Closin' early?
That's it, tiger.
Talk dirty.
So,
she wouldn't sell?
Uh-uh.
Not to me.
Not to Norman.
What are you
gonna do?
I don't know, arch.
All right?
I don't know, arch.
All right?
Norman and his wife
are gonna come at her
with more money.
I know that.
More money, and then
more fuckin' money,
'cause that's--
that's their style.
I know that much.
Man, you gotta
fight fire with fire.
Fight fire with fire?
Who are you,
the punisher,
all of a sudden?
I don't have any money.
I'm broke.
You know that.
No, I don't.
I guess you wouldn't.
Arch, I don't have
a nickel to my name.
I'm hangin' on
by the short hairs.
I'm hangin' on
by the short hairs.
The day-to-day
comic business
is in recession.
Last year was miserable.
This year is gonna be worse.
Thank god
I don't have a house.
I woulda lost it
by now.
But you have
loyal customers.
Yeah, so does
McDonalds, ok?
But they just got
a couple billion more
than I do.
You know the counter?
It's gonna cost
400 bucks
to replace
or repair that.
I can't--I--I--
I don't have 400 bucks.
You know how I was
on the roof last week?
The next heavy rain,
buckets aplenty
on the floor,
my friend.
Buckets aplenty.
On the floor,
my friend.
Buckets aplenty.
Well, why don't you
just go to Norman,
and maybe you guys
could work
something out.
No--uh--
I don't know.
Man, give it a shot.
Hello.
I'm Raymond macgillicuddy.
Hello. Um...
Um... total--
um... total--
hello, sworn enemy.
That's a lovely dress
that you're wearing.
That--
that's a lovely dress.
How do you do?
You're very lovely.
And your name is?
I'd like to do
some business.
Waa!
Oh, baby,
the thought
of finding it--
unh--this treasure--
it's exciting.
It makes me wet.
It makes me wet.
It turns me on.
The bed!
No, no, no, no, no.
We don't need a bed.
That's right.
We don't need a bed.
Up against the wall.
I love it that way.
You do?
Oh, fuck me
against the wall.
I love being fucked
up against the wall.
We never did it
against the wall before.
Shut up. You're
thinking too much.
Come on.
Oh!
Make me come.
I know you can
make me come.
I can do it.
You can make me
come this time.
You hang in there.
You better hang in there!
Hang in there!
Who's my fucker?
Who's my little fucker?
I'm your fucker.
You're my fucker!
I wanna be
your little fucker.
Hi. I'm Raymond
macgillicuddy.
It was, uh, not easy.
We've been across town
for so long
and never formally
really--
well,
it was a long walk--
just--just get
to your proposal.
Ok, ok.
Well, I think I've
thought of a way
in which both of us
can benefit
in which both of us
can benefit
from the lady's
collection--
both?
Uh, all 3 of us.
Mm-hmm.
Both parties is what
I meant to say.
How?
Well, um...
I don't have
any money,
and I can't
buy the books,
whoa.
What'd you just say?
No money?
Yes, I'm coming
to you honestly.
I'm com--I'm
completely broke.
B-but what I--
what I offer is
a knowledge
and an expertise
in the books
themselves.
I know comics.
I know the people.
I know comics.
I know the people.
I know the real
value of the books.
And you--you can make
a tremendous amount
of money,
and I'll help you,
and I don't even want
a penny.
Now I've heard
everything.
Well, wait.
Have you ever been
to San Diego?
Have you been
to San Diego--
to the convention?
I've been there.
It's the major
convention, ok?
And if you go back
into the dealers
room,
there's a--there's
a table on the left,
and it's up
against the wall,
and that's where
the major players
sit.
That's--that's--
that's where
the celebrity--
that's--that's--
that's where
the celebrity--
the-there's a name
that you garner
by sitting
at that table,
and I want
to take my place
among the men
that found
the white mountain
collection,
the mohawk collection,
the winnipeg collection.
I--I--we could
do this tonight.
Why, we could decide.
We could have
the macgillicuddy/link
collection.
I--look, I know--
I know who I am,
and I know
how people look at me.
I'm not stupid.
But if I could just
go to San Diego
and sit down
at the table
and have Mike allred
come up
or Matt Wagner just
pat me on the back...
Have--have
gaston dominguez say,
"you--you want
the danger trails,
1 through 5?
Go to
Raymond macgillicuddy.
His are pristine."
If I could just have
that quip...
It would all
be worth it.
If you allow me that,
my services are yours.
That's--
that's the most pathetic
thing I've ever heard.
No money?
Jeez. I mean,
you haven't got
the money,
get out of dodge.
Honey--
my god, and here I am
up all night worrying
that he's gonna up the ante
and blow us away.
What I was hoping
to offer was--
you sleazy creep...
Honey...
Get away from my house.
Honey, there--there's no--
no, no, no, no.
Honey?
No.
Excuse me, I--
no.
Excuse me, I--
honey?
No. No, no, no.
This fly is gonna
be in our ointment,
he gets involved.
Get him outta here.
I came in a spirit
of kindness.
I came in a spirit
of fairness.
I told you how hard
it was for me
to walk up here.
You've been
a gentleman.
Your wife has been
an animal.
Excuse me?
An animal?
Yes, an animal!
I think it's best
if you--
I offered an olive branch!
I think it's best
that you leave, Raymond.
You know what?
It's--I withdraw my offer,
because you don't
know comics!
You're a dabbler.
Why don't you go
back to your store
and sell your
action figures
and sell your
action figures
and your magic cards?!
Now. Now...
What's your--what's your--
what's your favorite
Mac rad boy
run, huh?
What's your favorite
you can't tell me.
You can't tell me,
'cause you don't know!
You know who knew?
Elvis knew.
Elvis knew!
Ok.
You dabbler. You dabbler!
You magic card seller!
You action figure seller!
There is no need
for a commotion.
Oh--oh, I'll make
a commotion, all right.
It's too late...
Oh, it's not too late.
It's not too late.
It's just starting!
For a commotion.
Is this what you
sell at your store?
No, you stop!
don't do it.
No! No!
don't do it.
No! No!
That's my--
no! Hey!
Then for a time,
the great adventure
became the great game,
or so it seemed to me.
Norman and Judy
on one side,
trying to win
Mrs. cresswell's favor...
Aah!
Raymond on the other.
Raymond on the other.
Back and forth...
Back and forth.
Unh!
Hi, Mrs. cresswell.
Here are the groceries
you wanted.
Well, you're not Raymond.
Where's Raymond?
No, I'm Archie.
Um, Raymond had his
weekly comic delivery.
He had to be back
at his store.
You want the funny books,
too, I suppose?
I won't lie. If you're
gonna get rid of 'em,
I want Raymond to get them.
Well, that's fair.
What's in it
for you?
I'm Raymond's friend.
That's it?
Isn't that enough?
You like funny books,
don't you?
Yeah. I guess.
I buy them,
and I read them.
Not really as much
anymore.
Buy or read.
Why's that?
I don't know.
Um, just lately I've
been sorta thinking
that comics aren't
the real world.
Like last night,
I had on CNN for a while
instead of
the cartoon network.
Instead of
the cartoon network.
I know that sounds stupid.
Comics aren't
the real world?
Now, that's
dangerous talk.
That's a nice photo.
That's me
and my husband.
We were
on our honeymoon.
Spain, in '48.
God, perfect!
Right after
world war ii.
'48. Wow.
Why, you interested?
You're not just
giving me lip service
like Norman, right?
No, I'm interested.
Do you drink tea?
Yeah, actually, I do.
You remind me so much
of my husband.
Really?
No, of course not.
No, I guess not.
But you--you have
this real pale skin.
It's--yeah, so does
half of Sweden.
It's--yeah, so does
half of Sweden.
Um, so Spain,
was it nice?
Mmm. It was
the only time
that I ever
left America.
It was--
it was perfect.
It was perfect.
You talked about Spain?
Yeah. And she told me
about how her
and her husband
went on a trip
there once
and spent 2 weeks
traveling around.
He even ran
with the bulls
in Pamplona.
Paloma.
What?
Paloma.
What?
That run with the bulls
is in Paloma.
Uh, no, ray,
I'm pretty sure
it's Pamplona.
I mean, who's Paloma?
Isn't that
somebody's daughter?
Mm-mmm.
So, when did you
get around to talking
about the comic books?
Well, it just--
I didn't feel right
about it,
so it just
didn't come up.
So, what'd you
talk about?
Well, I told you, stuff.
You know, her life.
Stuff?!
Yeah, stuff.
So you never thought
to ask her
if she was comin' around
to selling me the books?
If she was comin' around
to selling me the books?
Oh, no, I did get around
to asking her that much.
And?
No way.
I've been reading
Hemingway.
"Papa" Hemingway.
It's all because
of you, you know?
Oh, dear, what have
I gone and done now?
It's all that talk
about Spain.
The running
of the bulls.
You're not reading
cliff notes now?
No.
Or comic versions?
Or comic versions?
Wasn't there a comic company
that used to adapt books?
Yeah, it was called
classics illustrated.
But they did
mostly older books,
like, um, h. G. Wells
and
3 musketeers.
I bet they could not
transport you like Hemingway.
Now, hold on.
There are good
and bad writers
in all mediums.
Comics are just
a different type
of storytelling.
You don't really
internalize as much.
Oh.
Did you like that?
Wow. Internalize.
I think
it's probably
the first time
I think
it's probably
the first time
I've ever
used that word.
don't you go
getting giddy on me.
You know,
I didn't realize
that you needed help
gardening. I can do that.
Oh, no,
that's all right.
Archie's doing great.
He used to help
his mother.
Did you know that?
No, I didn't.
Yeah, um, back
before she died.
Hmm.
How's Norman?
How's Norman?
Recovering.
That was careless of him
not to turn off
that fuse box,
wasn't it?
Right.
Well, I'll
see you later.
Bye-bye.
She seems upset.
Well, not to worry.
What harm can it do?
Chocolate?
Isn't that boy toy
you got her sweet enough?
God, ray,
I'm sorry.
Broken.
Broken in 3 places.
The doctor says
I might have
permanent wrist
mobility problems.
God, that really sucks.
She said her foot slipped
on the accelerator.
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, sure--that happened.
Well, why didn't you
tell the police?
I mean, they should
at least know about
the comics.
No, ok?
I'm not talkin'
to the police.
Yeah, but that's
like motive--
nah-uh-uh!
Ok, this is between
me and Norman and Judy.
Ok, this is between
me and Norman and Judy.
Now, I got
my wrist fixed...
But now I'm gonna
fix them!
No!
Yes. Who knows what
Raymond'll try next?
Why was it
that he didn't
have me arrested?
I just want
to feel safe.
Just tell me that,
smarty-pants.
No!
Do you understand me?
I forbid you, ok? No.
Forbid me?
Yeah, right.
What can I do for you?
Deal me in.
I'm the one waving
the plastic today.
You need a gun?
No, garden fertilizer.
I understand.
The streets
aren't as safe
as they used to be.
Yeah,
not with her drivin'.
Might I recommend
a derringer?
Petite,
for a woman's hand
or clutch purse.
I thought it was illegal
for a guy like you
to use words like petite
or clutch purse.
Let's talk high-caliber.
The . 45.
Damn it, no. Listen.
If you're gonna
get a gun,
at least get
a small gun.
I mean, let's
be realistic, right?
Why don't you
just take a look
at this 9 millimeter?
And bullets, of course?
So, I forget
which anthology
it was in,
but Larry never
talks about
how superman can never
even marry Lois.
How superman can never
even marry Lois.
At least,
if he did, he could
never screw her.
'Cause he'd have
supersperm,
which would never die
and be superstrong
and would mess up
her insides.
Well,
I gotta think about this.
Why stop there?
I mean, if supes had
supersperm,
then he would come
in a superspurt.
Who's to say
it wouldn't shoot
right out the top
of Lois' head?
Yeah, I think
he commented on that.
In the book.
The writer talks about
how superman couldn't
even jerk off,
the writer talks about
how superman couldn't
even jerk off,
because the sperm
would have the ability
to fly.
'Cause they're
tiny versions of him,
and how they'd forever
fly around the world
looking for eggs
to impregnate.
And that was
what it took.
Heavy rain
and buckets aplenty
to make Raymond see...
It was time
for desperate measures...
Seniors...
And desperate men.
What are we doin' here?
Uh, I'm just gonna
go see a friend of mine.
Since when did you
have friends west
of third street?
Never mind, ok? Just--
no. Since when
did you have friends
west of third street,
who hang out
in topless bars?
He's an old friend of mine
from high school.
He's a good friend.
So, why are you
seeing him now?
What's with
all the questions, ok?!
I thought you were
my friend.
I asked you to help me.
I need some help
right now, ok?
Ok.
Will you help me?
Ok.
Will you help me?
Ok.
I need help.
Help. Help me!
Fine. Ok.
What do you want me
to do?
Here. I want you
to hold this.
What?!
Are you
shittin' me, man?!
Look, it's dangerous
in there, ok?
And if I come out runnin',
just, uh, fire a shot
in the air--
fire a shot
in the air?!
Yeah. Scare 'em.
But what if they
don't get scared?
What if they
shoot back at me?
Just--just--
I'll be back in a minute.
Hey, Carter.
It's--it's--it's me,
Raymond macgillicuddy.
No bells.
Come on,
central high spartans,
class of '84. Whoo!
Still no bells.
Still no bells.
Ain't she sweet?
Oh, yeah.
That's one sweet piece
of pussy pie
right there, huh?
That's my girlfriend.
Uh, um...
So, what do you want?
I haven't seen you
here before.
Which is surprising,
which is surprising,
'cause I see your kind
here all the time.
Well, I don't have
that many dollar bills
to throw around,
unfortunately.
Which is why I came
to see you.
Uh, see, some
of the guys and I
from high school,
you know, we get
to talking and stuff,
and your name pops up,
and, uh, you know,
no one really knows much
about what's goin' on,
but there are,
you know--
there are rumors
about you.
Oh, yeah?
Who says what?
Well, it's--
ok, it's not important.
What is--whew. Whoo!
Time out.
What is--whew. Whoo!
Time out.
Oh, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm remembering now.
I used to beat
the crap outta you.
Mackill-a-kiddie.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, macgillicuddy.
Cuddy.
Yeah, you used to cry
when I hit you.
Kicked you
in the balls once,
and you fainted.
No, I--I threw up
in front of
science class,
but, um, hey,
bygones be bygones, ok?
But, um, hey,
bygones be bygones, ok?
'Cause, see, I, uh,
think I've got
some work for you.
I want--I--
I need you to steal
something for me.
What's in it for me?
Well, I can't pay you.
Good-bye.
Listen, please.
Just give me a moment.
Uh, look--but I'll
give you a half--
a half of the profits
after resale,
and I'm talkin',
like, a lot of cash.
So what's to steal?
Comic books.
Good-bye.
No! No, listen!
Just hear me out.
Now, don't--
don't think--
forget I said comics.
don't even think comics.
Just think something
worth a lot of money.
Ok, just think--just
think the mother lode,
ok?
The holy grail
of comics.
Just--it's just--
it is worth--
god knows
what it's worth.
Million dollars,
maybe more.
I used to like comics.
So, are you interested?
Do we have a deal,
or can we partner
on this thing?
What's goin' on?
What did you--
I told you to wait
in the car!
Well, I called
the bank about that,
and they haven't
called back yet.
They haven't called back.
You know, you can call again.
Hello, norm. Judy.
Hey.
How's it goin'?
Oh, I'm fine. Fine.
Um, do you have
the most recent
Neil gaiman hardcover?
Um, do you have
the most recent
Neil gaiman hardcover?
Uh, the British edition,
not the American.
Oh, well,
we had that one,
but we're out now.
You're, uh,
slow on the uptake.
That's not like you.
Well, I didn't think
I wanted it,
but I changed my mind.
Well, change
is good.
Say, you take
your collectin'
pretty
seriously,
don't ya?
You spend a lot
every month.
Every week,
practically.
Yeah, between here
and Raymond's store,
you must spend
every single
spare cent, huh?
It's ok.
We know about
Raymond's store.
It's ok.
We know about
Raymond's store.
We don't
really consider
his store
competition.
We feel like
we offer
so much more.
In fact, we like
that you go there.
Say, conan, how
would you like
free comics?
Every week.
Gratis.
What would I have to do?
She said she wasn't
going to sell.
What was I supposed to do?
Do nothing, man.
You shrug
your shoulders,
you walk away,
and get on with the
rest of your life.
Archie, this
is my life, all right?
This is my life.
Archie, this
is my life, all right?
This is my life.
And then I saw
those beautiful books,
and I saw a way
I could finally
improve things. Finally.
When?
Tonight.
don't worry, ok?
I told him to be careful
and not hurt
your little girlfriend.
Oh. Hi, conan.
Hi, guys.
This is crazy.
Those lunatics are
gonna steal the books?
That's right.
This whole thing
has turned into
a sea of madness,
and we're clinging
to a buoy.
A boy? You on about
having a kid again?
Not a boy. A buoy.
A life buoy.
Oh! Oh.
Now I've lost
my train of thought.
Sorry. Sorry.
Clinging to a buoy
in a sea of madness.
Mm-hmm.
We can make this
simple again.
We can make this
simple again.
Why, I--I don't think
going in there with a gun
is simple.
I don't think so.
We stop the crime.
The old woman
sees us do it,
and she's grateful.
How can she
not be grateful?
Then we offer her
the money again.
Why don't we just tell
the cops what we know?
Then she'll be
grateful to them.
Jeez, norm. God.
It's whoever she sees
doing her right.
Oh.
This is
too dangerous,
I think.
If you do this for me,
I'll let you smoke a cigarette.
So began
the long night of
twists and turns.
Though looking back,
I still wonder about Carter,
with his violent temper
and his damp walls,
why he decided
to do what he did...
And how things
might have been
if he hadn't.
And how things
might have been
if he hadn't.
Is there anything
I should know about?
What?
You know, is there
anything I should know about
about you
and the old lady?
Is there anything,
like, Harold and maude
goin' on or somethin'?
Is there anything,
like, Harold and maude
goin' on or somethin'?
Gross! No.
We're just friends.
Look, I--hey!
I'm not saying, you know,
it would be
wrong if there was.
It's just, uh...
You know, far be it
for me to judge.
The heart wants
what the heart wants.
You're
creeping me out.
Oh, I'm creeping
you
out?
I'm not the one
doin' an old lady.
I'm not doin'
the old lady, ok?
She's my friend.
We hang out.
We talk about Spain.
Whatever you say, Romeo.
It's just...
You don't seem happy
about this whole thing.
I'm ecstatic
about it.
Just remember,
it's for the best.
The best.
The best
for who, ray?
Jesus. Do you
give a shit
what I think
about anything?
No, you don't!
I'm like
an accessory
to you.
Jesus!
Carter is
half an hour late.
We got here
15 minutes early.
I am sick
of this shit.
I am sick
of this shit.
Look, ok. If you're
so sick of this shit,
why don't you just go home,
back to your 4 walls
and a microwave?!
Is that what you want?
Archie... come on.
Ray.
Did you say that
Carter drove
a blue truck?
You did,
right? Blue?
Yeah.
I think I see it
parked behind
Mrs. cresswell's
house.
What?
I completely understand.
I'd be mad, too,
if I was being robbed.
But, uh... you know,
it's kinda like
a roller coaster ride.
There's nothin'
you can do,
except hang on and hope.
It's a nice house
you got here,
by the way.
Are you going to kill me?
I haven't decided yet.
But I like this town.
And, uh...
You identifying me,
you can imagine.
I'm an old woman.
I forget things.
Oh, yeah. That's right.
You're the, uh...
You're the drooling,
old, senile type,
aren't you?
Who you trying to fool?
Your voice is clear,
your eyes are sharp,
your voice is clear,
your eyes are sharp,
and this house
doesn't have that, uh,
that stale piss smell
most old folks'
places do.
Yeah, you're one
smart little cookie,
aren't you?
I tell you
what I'm gonna do.
These are the last
of the boxes.
I'm gonna load 'em up
into my truck,
and, uh...
And then I'll
make up my mind.
All right?
Aah! Aah!
Freeze!
Mrs. cresswell,
are you ok?
Mrs. cresswell,
are you ok?
You're late.
Oh, yeah? Well,
look who's early.
I figured
you'd see my truck
and follow me in.
Oh.
Thank you, god.
I'm so relieved.
I just--
Raymond, did you hear
what he just said?
He might kill Mrs. cresswell.
Yeah, I thought you--
I thought you might
wanna pull
a double cross.
Oh, I am.
So you're gonna kill
all 3 of us then?
No, you two
can walk.
You'd be implicated
if you talked,
and, uh...
Believe me,
you and jail time
would be
an uneasy union.
Would be
an uneasy union.
Now you can
turn around
and go back out
the way you came.
Not without Mrs. cresswell.
I'm not goin' anywhere
without those comics.
Because I--I--I would
rather be dead
than leave
without those comics.
Suit yourself.
I've got the gun.
So do I.
Hold it!
Drop your gun!
Uh, uh, you,
drop the gun!
Drop the gun,
you motherfucking asshole!
Rawr!
Finally...
Someone here
who speaks my lingo.
Get away from
the comic books!
Now you! Drop your gun!
Drop your fucking gun!
No! No! No!
Those are mine!
Those are mine,
goddamn it!
They're not yours!
And him, him I might
have listened to.
But not you, you bitch!
Oh, what are you smiling at?
Oh, what are you smiling at?
Nothing. It's just
that I thought
I was dealing
with fools.
Well, now you see
differently, my friend.
No, I don't.
P-p-put the gun down.
Come on, ray.
What are you doin'?
We're not gunmen.
We're comic book
collectors.
Archie's right.
This is
my
home.
And I want you
out of here.
Mrs. cresswell.
Put the--
put the gun--oh!
Put the--
put the gun--oh!
Baby!
Baby, are you ok?
You shot me!
Are you ok?
Here, Mrs. cresswell.
Oh, god. Are you ok?
Raymond, call
an ambulance.
I have to go after Carter.
He's got most of the books.
You coming?
She is bleeding
to death! Call 911!
She's dying, Archie, all right?
There's nothin' you can--
she--she's done.
You motherfucker.
I'm goin'. Now,
are you comin' with me?
I'm goin'. Now,
are you comin' with me?
Are you with me?!
Aw, shoot.
Baby, can you walk?
Yeah.
Aah!
You're such a big boy.
Let's go, baby.
Call 911.
I can't leave her.
I'm trying to stop
the bleeding.
You can walk,
you think?
I am begging you!
It is not too late!
It is for her.
That bitch should have sold
while she could.
You ok?
Do you know
how to get to
the hospital from here?
Yeah, honey, but we're
not goin' there,
not yet. You're ok.
No, I'm hurt!
I know, but you're
on your feet.
You'll live,
and if we
get these comics,
you'll live well.
You and me.
What?
Mrs. cresswell,
I need you to hold
your own stomach.
Mrs. cresswell,
I need you to hold
your own stomach.
I've got to get
to the phone.
No. No. No.
don't leave me.
I'm...
Done.
Why didn't you
just sell?
To one or the other.
It would have
been so simple.
Oh, god.
My son wasted...
Himself collecting.
He never truly
lived his life.
He never truly
lived his life.
But they were his things.
And, uh...
I miss him so much.
Listen to me.
I want you to take the...
The funny books...
That that...
Motherfucker left behind.
I want you to go to my...
I want you to go to my...
My son's room.
And in the closet.
He didn't just
collect funny books.
Mrs. cresswell,
if only I would have
just told ray--
hush!
I am... I was...
I am... I was...
Getting bored anyway.
Hey, kiki.
Hey, be quiet.
It's a little
late for that.
Besides, who's around
at this hour?
Normal,
careful of glass.
Ow!
Oh, shit.
Are you ok?
Now I'm bleeding
in 2 places!
All right, honey. Well,
look for a rolodex,
anything that might
have Carter's address,
a phone number, even.
What a palace.
Ow.
Come on, honey.
Found it.
This oughta do.
Yeah, this'll do.
It was hard, 'cause
there was all the--
the power tools
and saws and...
I mean,
are you fucking
the hardware guy?
Is it Carter's?
Yeah?
Yeah, I pretty much
figured he was
a handy kinda guy.
Where is he?
I don't know.
You have such
a beautiful body.
I saw you
at the club
dancing that day.
You were
so graceful.
But not when you
spread your legs.
That was--
that was obscene.
That was
unnecessary.
don't like
guys like me, do you?
What's it take?
Does it take money?
I've got money.
I've got some money.
You know what
I could do to you
with this hammer?
You wouldn't
dance anymore.
Where's Carter?
I don't know.
You're lying.
See, I wish
I could have
a girl like you--
beautiful and loyal.
I'd treat you good.
Oh, god.
I wouldn't let you
dance naked for men.
He's not worth it.
If I was your man,
I wouldn't let you
be here all alone.
Where is he?
I don't know.
I don't know.
don't lie to me!
don't fucking
lie to me!
don't fucking
lie to me!
I hate
girls like you!
Where is he?!
I don't know!
Anything yet?
No.
No.
All right,
keep looking.
See, I'm startin'
to feel dizzy.
Listen, we'll go
to the hospital soon,
lover, ok?
I feel tingly.
Soon. Just search
the counter.
It's the first place
I looked.
Keep looking!
Maybe I'll...
Look underneath.
Maybe something fell underneath.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
What is it?!
The counter! I think
it broke my foot!
Oh, aah! Honey!
Come on, honey. Just try
and wiggle it free.
No! No--aah!
No wiggling!
Please,
just wiggle.
I'm pinned.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Put that fire out.
That could spread.
I think I saw
a fire extinguisher.
Hurry up, honey!
It's starting to spread!
Ow!
I'm coming, honey!
Damn it! I'm stuck!
Aah!
Damn lazy bastard
didn't keep
the pressure up.
Hey, I'm really
stuck, Judy.
Shit. Honey,
the line is dead.
All right, I'm gonna try
freeing you again, baby.
Come on.
It's really starting
to get hot, Judy. Hurry up.
Ok. I have to find
a pay phone, ok? Ok.
No. No. No.
don't leave me here!
If you leave me, I'll burn.
It's really
getting hot, Judy!
I don't wanna burn!
I don't wanna burn, Judy!
Oh, please.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I interrupting you?
Reading by the fire?
You fucking weirdo!
Back in high school,
you were so mean.
Weren't you, lone wolf?
You used to scare
the jocks shitless.
But you always
liked comic books.
See, that part,
that part
I should've remembered.
Used to have
quite a collection.
Yeah. You used
to take most of mine.
So, how'd you find me?
Oh, your
girlfriend kiki.
I went down by the club,
and she gave me
a little dance.
We got to talking,
and I asked,
and she told me.
What are you reading?
Avengers
#4.
First modern appearance
of captain America.
I know.
That's $1, 000 book
you got there.
You better be careful.
The moisture
from your fingertips
is devaluing it
as we speak.
Where's the rest
of the books?
Still in the truck.
Catch my breath.
You know, as I was
drivin' over here,
I began remembering
reading comic books
back when, and, uh...
All the facts
and figures...
About superpowers,
secret identities
we took the time
to memorize.
That some of us
still do.
Sometimes I think
if I woulda spent
just an eighth
of the time studying,
say, physics equations,
rather than comic book trivia,
I'd probably have won
the nobel prize. Huh?
Hmm.
So, uh...
Kiki just
gave me up, huh?
She didn't even lie.
She said, "oh, Carter?
Oh, yeah. I'll tell you
where he is."
Sorry.
So...
What now?
What now?
What now?
I have a gun. Ok?
And my hand's
not shaking anymore.
Not now.
And I want your gun.
What gun?
don't fuck with me!
I see you have
a gun right there!
In the back
of your pants, Carter.
Aah! Ah! Ah! Ah ha ha!
Ha! Slowly!
Toss it.
Ok, up. Let's go.
Why don't you lead?
Ok. You're the boss.
Watch that cable.
Motherfucker.
Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Aah!
Aw.
Macgillicuddy
fall down.
Ungh!
Ha!
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Son of a bitch!
What the fuck
are you doin'?!
Son of a bitch! Aah!
Aw, shit!
Aw, shit!
Jesus!
Son of a bitch!
You son of a bitch!
If you'd only
done as I asked,
we'd both be rich.
But no! No!
See, I would have
been somebody.
But you...
Who--who--who
were you gonna
sell 'em to, huh?
They're comics,
you ass!
I remember them
from when I was a kid.
I didn't need you.
Oh! Ok! Oh, yeah!
You're a fucking
encyclopedia
about comics.
You're the oracle
of delphi on comics!
Please! Please!
First appearance
of superman.
Uh,
action comics
#1.
Uh,
action comics
#1.
Everyone knows that.
Batman.
Uh...
Detective comics
Spider-man.
Uh,
spider man
#1.
Uh-uh.
Oh, wait. Wait.
Uh, uh...
Amazing fantasy
Golden age flash.
Flash comics
#1.
Silver age flash.
Showcase
Uh, uh,
the human torch.
Uh, uh,
the human torch.
Human torch...
Fantastic four
#1.
No! I am
talking about
the 1940's torch.
Oh. Oh. Uh...
Marvel mystery
#1.
Wonder woman.
Wonder woman.
Wonder woman.
Wonder woman.
Sensation
Ahh! Wrong!
No. No. Wait.
I'm right.
It's definitely
sensation
Wrong! Wrong!
Wrong! Wrong!
Well, it's not
wonder woman
#1,
if that's what
you're thinking.
What are you
trying to do?
Are you trying
to insult me?
Do you
think I'm stupid?
I'm standing here
before you.
You think I'm stupid?
Wonder woman first
appeared in
all star
8,
a justice society
backup story.
So either you're
trying to patronize me,
or you're trying
to fuck with me,
or you're trying
to get yourself killed.
And, by the way,
you're doing
a very good job.
No, wait.
And the bullets
didn't even bounce
off your chest.
And the bullets
didn't even bounce
off your chest.
Hi.
Who is it?
Who is it?
It's me,
ray macgillicuddy
what do you want?
Some polite
conversation.
Drink?
Yeah.
I don't drink.
I don't smoke.
Ok.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
My store's on fire.
It was an accident.
It's ok.
It's ok.
These things happen.
I killed a man tonight.
Me, too.
Did yours
deserve it?
Yes. Yes, he did.
Did yours?
Remember that feeling?
Remember that feeling?
That feeling
when the hunt
became everything.
Just the comics
and us hating you
and you hating us.
And food and sex
and deep breaths,
everything felt better.
I remember food
tasting really good.
All because
of comic books.
It was rude
to run you over.
Yeah. I oughta...
I oughta get ya
for that one! Aah!
Whoo!
Oh!
My ride's here.
My ride's here.
I gotta go.
I've got nothing left,
and I've got no reason to stay.
Are you comin'?
Ah, the store's
open late.
If they come in,
maybe they'll
buy something.
It's a nice shop.
Summer was
a hot one that year.
It came about
a month later,
hotter than hell.
All the worse for
the guys I knew.
All the worse for
the guys I knew.
They had to make the trek
to the next town
for their comic books now,
with Raymond dead
and Judy in jail.
It made me sad so few
of Raymond's customers
came to his funeral.
You'd have thought
he mattered more to people,
but I guess he knew better,
especially at the end.
When the town did get
a new comic store,
it made sense
who'd run it.
Conan's mom had money.
I just never guessed
how much.
I just never guessed
how much.
Not that I cared by then.
I had money, too.
And I was long gone.
I'd done what
Mrs. cresswell had told me.
I looked in her son's closet
and found baseball cards.
Robinson, koufax,
mays, mantle,
and a million other names
I never even heard of--
together worth more than
even the comic books.
The thing is,
I don't like baseball...
I don't like baseball...
So I sold them.
Does that make me
as bad as the others?
I don't know.
I don't know.
But at least
I did something
with the money,
like I think Mrs. cresswell
would have wanted.
After all that had happened,
life and the living of it
seemed too fleeting
to waste in one place...
To waste in one place...
Or on arguing
whether superman
was stronger
than the hulk.
So I traveled.
First America,
then Europe...
Really taking my time
at each place
learning and growing,
but always knowing where
I'd eventually settle down.
Barcelona.
They have comics here, too.
They have comics here, too.
But I can't understand them.