Condorito: The Movie (2017) Movie Script

Okay, everyone, here we go.
The movie's about to start.
Centuries ago, our galaxy
was brought to its knees
by an alien race
of unparalleled ruthlessness.
No, not these guys,
these guys.
See? Mean, right?
The invaders possessed
an amulet of unlimited power
known as,
"The Amulet of Unlimited Power."
With it, the aliens conquered
and enslaved every race
on every planet
they encountered,
including our own.
But what the aliens
didn't count on
was the existence
of another creature
who lived amongst the humans,
"The Featherless Condor."
Well, uh, mostly featherless.
The Condor took the amulet
from the invaders,
forcing them to flee into
the far reaches of space.
And there was much rejoicing
and also cake.
Fearing that the aliens might
one day return for the amulet,
The Condor decided to hide it
deep within the earth.
Braving untold dangers,
he reached a secret location
where he knew the amulet
could never be found.
And so,
the galaxy was liberated.
As one generation
succeeded another,
and another, and another,
the descendants
of The Featherless Condor
forgot about the aliens.
But the aliens did not forget.
They swore that one day
they would take back
that which they had lost,
and then,
they would wreak
their vengeance upon us all.
And welcome back
to Pelotillehue Stadium
for this exciting game
brought to you by My Eyes,
My Eyes Tear Gas.
It's the 2,606th match
between Pelotillehue
and Buenas Peras.
And this time, it's personal.
And look at Condorito go,
weaving past
the defenders like a rat
in a bony chicken's kitchen.
Kiss my feathers.
Go, Condorito, go!
I got to do more cardio.
Ignorancio, mark him up.
Oh, right away, coach.
Yes, go Tio!
Condorito with a perfect pass
to Iron Throat and...
it seems Egghead has once again
been mistaken for the ball.
But there's Condorito
with the steal.
Oh, wait, what's this,
Pepe Cortisona
has just stolen the ball
from his own teammate.
And look at this, yes,
it's the patented
Pepe pec juggle.
And could it be?
Yeah, he's incorporated
some ass into it.
Oh, what a game we have here
today, ladies and gentlemen,
and now it appears
that Pepe is making googly eyes
at a member of the audience.
My knee, my knee, oh, my knee!
My knee!
He's a murderer.
I can't feel my beak.
Use your eyes, fool.
Can't you see that bird brain
is just faking?
Farewell, I'm going
into the light.
And it looks like
the referee has ejected
Pepe for diving.
Papa, is that you?
But of course
the real drama here
right now is Condorito.
I'm okay.
I'm okay.
Never have I seen
such a miraculous recovery.
what a moment to be alive,
and with just seconds
left on the clock,
Pelotillehue has the ball.
And the referee whistles,
it's over,
1-0 for Pelotillehue!
Victory, victory, victory!
Free drinks for everyone
at El Tupos.
Well, at least they got their
priorities straight.
Tio, that was your best
death scene ever.
Thank you, Chickie.
Oh, wait, kids.
I just don't understand what
it is you see in that fool?
Did someone say the orphanage
needs a new ball?
My love, for you.
I had one eye on the clock.
Come on, kids,
it's getting late,
time to get back
on the bus.
It looked like
the Buenas players
were all going after you.
Well, I guess that's
the price you pay
for being this attractivo.
And to who do you dedicate
this victory?
I dedicate this victory
to world peace.
- Oh.
- Aww.
Uh, rainforests.
And, of course,
to all the puppies of the world.
No more questions.
Do you always have to flirt
with those...
...those bimbos
after every single game?
Huh? No, I do that
for the ratings.
Oh, please, my darling,
you know my heart beats
only for you.
Yayita, Yayita.
You see?
And look,
I have a surprise. Ta-da!
I got us tickets
to the boxing match tonight.
Bruiser versus
Midget Avenger,
it's gonna be the fight
of the century.
Are you kidding?
Did you forget it's
my mom's birthday tonight?
I didn't forget,
uh, I repressed.
Tremebunda, my dear.
Please accept this present
for this felicitous occasion.
Oh, a gift card for the spa?
Thank you.
To preserve your untouched
beauty's perfection.
Her beauty is untouched
because nobody would touch her.
Oh, Pepe,
how considerate of you.
Oh, I keep praying
for my daughter
to come to her senses
and find someone like you.
Perhaps she already has.
May I give you a ride home?
Oh, my car!
But Yayita, we were going to go
celebrate at El Tulfo.
You just better
not be late tonight.
What do you mean late?
Is there something
going on tonight?
A toast for the winners.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
And one for losers.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
And for the winners, yeah.
Uh, Condorito,
are you okay?
Huh, why do you ask?
Oh, it's Pepe,
that bucktooth lead sack
is trying to steal my Yayita
from me with his money.
If it's with money,
then it's not stealing.
The rich think they can
just do whatever they want.
Well, no more,
I tell you, no more.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to get
Pepe out of my way
once and for all.
After this, Pepe Cortisona
will no longer be a problem.
Get rid of Pepe?
Just what are you
planning to do?
- Huh?
- Oh.
Do you have it?
Condorito, are you sure
you wanna go through with this?
There's no other way.
To save Yayita from Pepe,
I must commit the most heinous
sin a man can do.
Propose marriage.
But he was so young.
My friend, you always said
you'd give up your life
before you gave up
your bachelorhood.
Yayita is my life.
Without her, I have nothing.
Well, if that's
how you feel,
then we have to stand
beside you.
This calls for a drink.
To Condorito.
Are you loco?!
I've got to go!
Right behind you!
How dare you even think
of marrying
my precious Yayita?
But she and I are meant
to be together.
She is meant for a prince,
not some unemployed, ugly,
ignorant, penniless, smelly,
bird brain like you!
Get this through your thick
excuse for a skull!
As long as I walk this earth,
you will never,
never marry my daughter!
Not now, Washington.
Tio, I hooked us up
to the power line,
hacked into
the neighbor's Wi-Fi,
and put the cockroaches
in the bed
to eat all the bed bugs.
That's good.
Did you have another fight
with Yayita?
It's not Yayita.
It's her mother.
That hairy ogre won't stop
until she breaks us up.
Is there anything for dinner?
Not just anything.
I made your favorite,
pizza with French fries
and ketchup.
Ah, Chickie, you're the best.
It's nothing.
That's a weird number.
Hmm, probably
some spam thing.
Ha, nice costume.
Featherless Condor,
we have searched for you
for many space years.
And now, I wish to make you
an offer.
Let me guess,
you have a wireless plan
that is out of this world?
Huh? I'm not a sale rep
for a cell phone provider.
Bring me the amulet
of unlimited power
and I shall give you
anything that you desire.
Shouldn't you say,
"Amulet you bring me.
Anything you desire I give."
That's a stereotype.
We're still waiting.
Amulet you bring me.
Anything you desire I give.
Anything I desire, huh?
Take Tremebunda to your planet.
Then we have ourselves a deal.
I mean,
ourselves a deal we have.
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday, dear mother
Happy birthday to you
I know I asked you to only use
one candle.
Relax, woman.
You'll think different once
I light this baby up.
Dad, do something.
It's okay, Mom.
There now. All good.
Time to open presents.
Ooh, it's that new perfume
we saw at the mall, isn't it?
Even better.
Uh, an electric
razor for women?
It's industrial-strength.
Why, you can shave a bear
with this thing.
Could this night get any worse?
Did somebody order a son-in-law?
Why, you don't look
a day over 65.
Well, I'm only 59.
Ah, preparing for the future.
Very clever.
I take it the boxing match
ended early?
My love, please.
Forgive me.
And of course,
I've brought something
for the queen of the day.
Uh... I kept the receipt.
Do you all just see
some sort of hairy animal
when you look at me?!
Mom, please, calm down.
I wish someone would just come
and take me away
from this living hell!
Tremebunda. Tremebunda.
No, Mom!
Featherless Condor, as agreed,
I have taken Tremebunda.
Now and per our arrangement,
you must bring
the amulet to me.
Um, I didn't literally
mean take her.
Please let her go.
It's all just
a misunderstanding.
Hmm, I see.
Well, in that case,
you have just 24 hours
to bring the amulet to me.
Or you will never see
Tremebunda ever again.
Ha, he peed his pants, right?
Can someone confirm peepee?
Huh? What do you mean
we're still on?
Yayita. Yayita.
Excuse me...
My love,
can we talk for a second?
I'm done
with your excuses.
It's over between us,
Over? But why?
Okay, I guess I know why.
But you got to believe me.
I thought he was trying
to sell me
a new wireless plan.
I never dreamed your mother
would actually
be kidnapped by aliens.
You've been dreaming
about it for years.
But I'm gonna get her back.
I swear.
Sure, you swear.
My mother was right all along.
If only I'd listened to her
before you destroyed all
our lives.
Goodbye, Condorito.
Don't go. Yayita.
There's no need
to worry, buddy.
I'm sure the authorities
will be able
to take care of it.
It's a message from the alien.
"The amulet is located
in Condortihuacan,
in a place called The Catacomb
of Certain Luck."
Well, that sounds easy.
Hang on. No, oops.
Actually, it's The Catacomb
of Certain Death.
What do I do?
Yayita will never forgive me
if I don't save her mother.
Please, we ask you
to show some respect
for what's left of our family
in this time of crisis.
That conniving
buck-toothed lead sack.
Chickie, pack up your things,
we're going on an adventure.
Can I borrow some money?
We still don't
have enough.
- You could go gambling.
- Good idea.
But I don't think we have
enough time to...
It's an adventure.
Here you go.
This young lady will help,
if there's anything
you need.
- Won't you, my dear?
- Ugh.
In my time, parents
would never even think
of letting kids travel
by themselves.
Yeah, but that's because
back in your time,
there was only one continent.
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet? Are we there
yet? Are we there yet?
Oh, how about we find you
something to play with.
Ah, what do we have here?
Oh yeah, it's one of those
inflatable travel pillows.
Now we'll just give it
a little twist here.
And do this.
Here you go.
You have a pleasant flight.
You're a good boy.
It's such a shame that your
parents don't love you.
You're skin and bones.
Don't tell me
they don't feed you.
Actually, I live
with my uncle,
but I do all the cooking
in our place.
Excuse me, sir.
Would you please
put this up for me?
But of course, madam.
Huh? Skis?
Who brings skis
to Condortihuacan?
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking.
We've reached our cruising
altitude of 37,000 feet
- and we expect...
- Did he do your laundry?
Clean out your ears?
Take you to the dentist?
Is there anything
he does do for you?
Oh, sure, tons of things.
He showed me how to make
and football.
He should take care of you.
Being an adult
is a great responsibility.
He's responsible.
We hope you have
pleasant flight to Alaska.
Because that's where
this plane is going.
What do you mean
this flight
isn't going
to Condortihuacan?
I said it's not landing
in Condortihuacan.
But we still are.
Look there.
That's Condortihuacan.
But that's
thousands of feet below.
Have faith, Chickie.
This is all part
of a plan.
Okay, that wasn't part
of the plan.
It's the only way to fly.
What did I tell you?
Absolutely nothing
to worry about.
Something to worry about,
something to worry about.
But I'm too young to die!
Aw, don't be like that.
A little twist.
Here, have an elephant.
Soon I will have that power.
But first,
it's my lunch time.
Prepare to be devoured,
where's my lunchbox?
where is my lunchbox?
I don't know, Your Majesty.
Did you check under your seat?
It's not under my seat.
Come on, guys.
I know we talked about this.
We'll never manage
to re-enslave the universe
unless we...?
Unless we acknowledge
and respect
the chain of command.
So, let's just try to be
respectful of that, okay?
Emperor Molosco,
the captive has been secured
in the abduction chamber.
I'm coming.
Where's my lunchbox?
Where's my lunchbox?
Where's my lunchbox?
Oh, my gods.
She's incredible.
This specimen's
She's like a living,
breathing planet.
I kind of just want
to orbit her.
Keep your tentacles
away from me,
you intergalactic pervert!
I'm a lady,
not a specimen!
- What do we do?
- Lower the force field.
Hey, hey!
I demand that you
let me out of here at once!
We've lost the chicken.
I repeat,
we've lost the chicken.
- Ma'am, what do we do?
- We're going in there.
You see?
Now that wasn't so bad.
Oh, oh. Ugh.
- Reflauta.
- Ow.
You okay?
Tio, how come
you didn't check
where the plane was going?
I guess I thought
you were on that.
But forget it.
Come on.
We're running out of time.
To additional adventure.
Poor Condorito.
Why couldn't they have just
taken my wife instead?
All I can say is
I hope he has
health insurance
for The Catacombs
of Certain Death.
can take care of himself.
It's him we have to worry about.
That donkey is going
to seduce Yayita
while Condorito is away.
- It's Pepe's car.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
It's irresistible.
So, it's his car, eh?
Well then,
it's time for us
to level the playing field.
- Yes, Coach.
- Yes, Coach.
Yes, Coach.
Let me tell you,
if you even think about doing
any experiments on me...
I was just wondering
if you would be
my guest for dinner
- tonight.
- Oh?
If you have no other plans.
Sweet baby Jupiter.
Welcome, my dear.
I bet you must
be starving.
I had my chef
prepare something special
for a carnivore
such as you.
he cooked himself for you.
Go on.
Dig in and devour
Um, we also have empanadas.
I hope you'll excuse me.
It's been a while since
someone's taken me to dinner.
Huh? How can that be
for a beauty such as you?
Surely you must
dine out often
with your human male beau.
Do you mean Cuasi?
For our anniversary dinner,
he took me to a drive-thru
and forgot me.
Ugh. Your male thing,
I believe I may have seen him
on our Earth cam.
Cuasi, but
you promised me an exclusive.
But why would he
want to go with you
when he can have me?
I know, why don't we
all interview him together?
Not a bad idea.
I just don't get it.
Why does your male thing
get aroused by those
sickly, bony females?
Well, because he's an ape.
That's why.
But they're nothing
but skeletons.
How can one
respect a female
who is not even respected
by the force of gravity?
On my planet,
the more gravity
you have,
the less respect
you get.
A big woman can't go
even a single day
without being the butt
of some stupid joke,
even on my own birthday.
I understand what
it's like to be mocked.
My ancestors ruled
the entire universe.
But me,
I don't even rule
the mini fridge
on my own spaceship,
But one day soon
when I get my hands
on the amulet,
I'll put them all
in their place
and once again
the iron tentacle shall rule.
Then I'll only need one thing
to make my life complete.
And what's that?
The most important thing
of all,
a queen.
Molosco says that
only The Featherless Condor
can enter the catacombs.
Once inside,
he'll fight
a terrifying guardian.
Eh, I don't buy it.
Just look at this place,
nothing but
an old pile of rocks.
It's not waiting for...
the Great Featherless Condor.
Whoever built this place
did not have
a happy childhood.
Maybe the guardian
bit the dust, too.
I bet he's dead.
Oh, he's dead all right.
According to the message,
the guardian's job
is to protect the amulet.
Whenever someone sets foot
in the dungeon,
he rises from the dead
to fight them
and fulfill
his sacred duty.
Huh. The guy must be
some kind of loser
to keep working
after death.
Grandpa Rito?
Oh, no.
Over there.
He's coming.
Faster, faster.
Slower, slower.
In your face,
What the?
This is very confusing.
Now that's just
Hold on tight.
Oh. And this is why
I hate family reunions.
Uh, Tio?
No, we haven't
received any word yet.
I guess we just have
to be patient.
Come in.
It's Uncle Pepe.
We wanna play with you.
so good to see you.
it's not a good time.
The boiler broke,
the toilets are all clogged.
was supposed to help,
but now he's gone.
Hey, Ignorancio.
- Huh?
- The car.
Oh, aye, aye.
Hey, Coach, it's done.
Wait. Oh, no,
that's my car.
Well, at least the roof
isn't falling down on our heads.
Looks like only an angel
could save us now.
Thank you. Thank you.
And now I'd like to unveil
the Cortisona Orphanage.
It's completely
including an
a display
for perspective parents,
a gym, and of course
an on-site dental hygienist
for that perfect
Cortisona smile.
I can't believe it.
That jerk's
doing charity now?
How low can he go?
Now, many of you
must be wondering,
Pepe Cortisona,
why are you throwing
your money away
on something as worthless
as needy children?
All I can really say is
when I looked at these
beautiful kids' faces,
well, they touched me.
They touched me!
As I was saying,
I also must give credit
to the splendiferous
of this wonderful
She showed me
that generosity
is about more than getting
your name on a plaque,
even my name.
Well, my friends,
I'm afraid it's over.
That must be
the Amulet of Unlimited Power.
Run, Chickie, run.
Tio, over there.
Feel my unlimited power.
My power still feels
fairly limited.
I know, it must be
laser vision.
My power is flight.
Come on, guys,
can't we be friends?
Now, I need
some space, guys.
Ah, that's it.
That's what it does.
The Amulet gives you the power
to control minds.
Oh, time to have
some fun now.
Hey, you know,
I think you're actually
less pale
than regular Egghead.
look at this.
We have to call the Octopus.
No. Uh, uh...
Huh? What are you doing?
If we get the Amulet
to Molosco,
he'll use it to enslave
every planet in the galaxy.
Huh? What are you
talking about?
That's why the guardian
hid it here,
to stop the Moloscosians.
But I promised Yayita.
This is the only way
to bring her mother back.
Think about it.
This is the most powerful
weapon in the universe.
Molosco could even use it
here to conquer Earth.
Look, it's Earth, right?
If he goes alphabetically
there's A, B, C, and D.
It could take centuries
before they get here.
Tio, if you do this,
then billions of creatures
will suffer.
Protecting them
is our responsibility,
We'll find another way.
Don't remember any of this.
No, Tio, don't do it.
Now, you give me back
my She-Shrek.
No, can do I'm afraid.
Treme will be returning
for the foreseeable future.
But I made a deal with you.
The Amulet for Tremebunda.
Well, then I guess
it sucks to be you
or should I say,
you to be it sucks?
Come back.
You can't do this.
I'll sue. Wait.
Yeah, they're back.
Huh? Whoa.
I demand an explanation!
May I please
have your attention?
For centuries
our people have... oh.
Okay. Will you please
shut up?!
Now, that's more like it.
That's right.
I don't even wanna hear
you breathing, understood?
As I was saying,
for centuries
we've dreamt of
reestablishing our dominion.
Today, we have regained
the Amulet of Unlimited Power,
otherwise known as the Amulet
of Unlimited Power.
With it,
we shall enslave
every single planet
in the entire galaxy,
and we'll go
in alphabetical order.
establish a course
for the first planet,
All hail the Moloscosians.
I have some good news
and I thought we could
celebrate together.
Yes, of course.
Let me just go freshen up.
Get the Navigator.
Uh, Your Highness...
If your partner harbors
feelings for an ex,
the best course of action
is to enslave him
and every other sentient being
on his planet,
don't you agree, Cosmo?
We will return for you later,
Planet A.
You will obey my command.
If this is about stealing
the neighbor's Wi-Fi,
I can totally explain.
- Huh?
- Terminated unexpectedly?
I'll show you terminated
Where are we?
This is the secret
of the International
Space Invaders Defense Program.
Does anybody
have a blank floppy?
I think it's a museum.
We, um, had a couple
of budget cuts.
For years,
our unit has been tasked
with secretly defending Earth
from alien attacks.
With what?
Pointy sticks?
We've faced threats
from every corner
of the Universe,
but none as great
as the Moloscosians.
They were the cruelest tyrants
in the galaxy.
And now,
they want their title back.
Luckily, we were prepared.
Our operation
will vanquish the aliens
and, of course,
rescue Tremebunda.
The important thing
is that we found you
before you gave Molosco
the Amulet.
your Treme,
along with every other being
in the Universe,
would be totally
and utterly doomed.
Argh! He gave
the Amulet to Molosco.
- He what?
- I had no choice.
I had to do it in order
to bring Treme back
to my girlfriend
or else she'd marry Pepe.
I-I didn't know.
I thought
he was a wireless carrier.
Have you any idea
what you've done?
Well, if they go
in alphabetical order,
we'll be all right.
It's the aliens.
We have their trajectory.
And they're headed for...
Uh, for Earth!
Excuse me.
this is not a good...
Why do these things
always seem to happen to me?
They don't just happen to you,
you made them happen.
- Huh?
- You never cook,
you never do the laundry,
and you never clean my ears.
And now,
you put the whole planet
in danger.
You're such a nitwit.
Chickie, that is no way
- to talk to your...
- My what?
Were you gonna say elder?
I'm more elder than you.
Do you know why he always
wears those flip-flops?
It's because he doesn't know
how to tie shoelaces.
Shh, shh,
that was supposed
to be our secret.
I thought you were so cool,
my uncle,
the town hero.
But real heroes?
They go on adventures
to save others.
The only person
you ever worry about
is you.
I guess you really
are just a birdbrain,
aren't you?
I'm going to my room.
I know.
It's the other way.
Captain Kotori-san,
the Sotorions are using
the stolen crystal
to power the robotic
armadillo death ray.
Fear not,
square tooth,
now that I have vowed
my inner strength
by living up
to my responsibilities,
I am confident
that no enemy will be able
to withstand my attack.
By the power of friendship.
Our only hope
is to destroy
the alien mother ship
before it reaches Earth.
I've designed a virus
that will cause the core
of the mother ship
to overheat.
However, someone
has to go up there
to install it manually.
- Not it.
- Not it.
Oh, man.
The problem is the amulet
will alert Molosco
to any approaching
foreign intelligence,
even yours.
Only someone with a nearly
undetectable IQ
could sneak into that ship,
a complete birdbrain,
if you will,
but where to find
such an idiot?
Boss, I'm your idiot.
The Featherless Condor
is immune to the amulet.
How do you know that?
I, uh...
I tried it on my nephew.
I know I said idiot,
but this is too much, no?
Wait, please.
I can do it.
I do have an iguana
that's quite gifted.
Okay, Condor.
Yeah, take me to my shuttle.
Take me to my house.
She may not look like much,
but boy, can she fly.
The shuttle is equipped
with an automatic pilot
that will handle both
the takeoff and landing.
restrain the Captain.
Activating restraining system.
Once you've completed
your mission,
all you have to do is say
the code word, "Bingo"
and the autopilot
will take you to Earth.
Say it, Bingo.
Uh, bingo.
Autopilot, release the Captain.
Deactivating restraint.
What's troubling you?
I'm worried
that I might, uh...
Screw things up?
that is my claim to fame.
Here's a tip,
to make things easier,
don't think about
saving the world,
it's too big,
think about saving
those who you love.
Keep them in your heart.
They'll guide you home.
Did someone say the orphanage
- needs a new ball?
- Mm-hmm.
To Condorito!
Yayita. You see?
But you'll
probably die anyway.
Ground crew,
prepare for lift off.
the kids are going
to be so happy here.
I'd do anything
for those sweet little angels.
Yayita, there's something
I've been meaning to ask you.
These last few days together
have made me feel things
that I've never felt before.
Gratitude, empathy.
Why, today,
I even tried reading a book.
I know there's nothing
you can't handle on your own,
but still I'd do
anything for you.
Pepe, I'm speechless.
It's what your mother
would have wanted.
Oh, God, no, my baby,
please say you're not scratched,
say you're not scratched.
You get your hands off her,
because your Uncle Pepe
needs a hug.
This just in.
An alien warship
is approaching Earth.
Sources say the invaders
have an entire armada.
they are the same aliens
who had previously
abducted Tremebunda,
and now they intend
to put an end
to our civilization.
- Treme.
- Officials tell us Earth forces
are preparing a mission
to stop the aliens,
a mission being led by...
by Pelotillehue midfielder,
- Condorito?
- Huh?
Well, it looks
like we're toast.
We take you now live
to the launch site.
Lift off.
Yeah, it worked!
Stop all this shaking,
please, autopilot.
Stop, autopilot.
Stopping autopilot.
Manual controls activated.
What's he doing?
which one's the autopilot?
- Oh.
- It's the big red one.
Thank you.
What are you doing here?
I couldn't let you do
this all alone.
But it's too dangerous for you.
I know I've been selfish,
but there's nothing
more important to me
than protecting you.
Can you forgive me?
What did you say?
Now let's have an adventure.
We're getting close.
We're coming up on the...
mama mia.
Just how are we supposed
to get into that thing?
Through there.
the core of the mother ship
should be somewhere
beneath you.
Copy that.
This is one small step
for man.
I think I found the core.
Can you install the virus?
I don't know.
I've never seen
anything like this.
So I guess these things
really are universal.
Okay. I'm activating the virus.
Wait, don't,
first we have to save Treme.
The virus will overheat
the core in minutes.
If we activate it now,
we will explode along
with the ship.
Okay. In that case,
let's go find her.
I'll just get off this thing.
Can you guide me to Molosco?
That slime ball
will know where she is.
Uh, I think so.
That shaft connects
to everywhere.
You mean something like
a ventilation shaft?
Well, not exactly.
- Wrong exit.
- Sorry,
take a left
at the next junction.
Keep going.
- Now where?
- Left.
- Go up.
- What do you mean?
No, thank you.
Poor Treme,
he's conducting
an alien experiment on her.
A massage?
There's nothing too good
- for you, my queen.
- Oh,
right there, Molly.
- Ooh.
- Back in college,
I was known as...
Mr. Magic Puckers.
Somebody save me.
Tio, what's going on?
I think he must be
controlling her mind
with the amulet.
Hold on, Treme,
I'm coming.
You're amazing.
I'm just getting started.
My eyes, my eyes.
I have to get amulet.
Your skin,
ooh, it's as smooth
as that of a chicken?
- I am not a chicken.
- Condorito?
Since when are you an astronaut?
Since when do you have a job?
Come on, Treme,
- you're free.
- I'm free?
- Free from what?
- The octopus,
he can't control
your mind anymore.
He's not controlling my mind.
What are you talking about?
But? But?
Hah, security,
We're, uh,
watching the game.
Arrest this condor.
Treme, you really
wanna stay here?
She belongs here.
She's finally the queen
she was destined to be.
What about your family,
Cuasi, Yayita?
This crazy lunatic,
he's planning to...
Feel the iron
tentacles' power.
Tio? Tio?
Answer me.
Now, now,
come on, fellas,
there's really no need
for violence.
Psst, psst,
take the prisoner
down to the chamber
of violent incineration.
What will you do to him?
Oh, we'll just send him
back to Earth.
Why don't you wait
right here?
Be back in a jiffy.
Emperor Molosco,
approaching your destination.
Enslavement protocol
I really should have
gotten her the perfume.
With no updates
from Condorito,
it appears that the world
as we know it
will soon be coming
to an end.
In other news,
the football season
has been cancelled.
Don't worry, dear.
is the smartest chicken
that I've ever met.
I bet that even now
he's kicking their alien asses
into the next galaxy.
Officials tell us Earth will...
Hey, hey,
hey, hey,
Featherless condor,
you are hereby charged with
first degree interruption
- of a massage.
- That's not a thing,
you slimy invertebrate.
It's not over,
you hear me?
It's not over.
Actually, bird,
it is over.
Time to say adieu.
Now, prepare
to be incinerated.
You, too.
Turn up the barbeque!
Come in, Chickie.
Tio, where are you?
you need to get out
of the mother ship.
Hold on,
I've got your signal.
On my way.
Let's go!
No, there isn't enough time.
I activated the virus.
The whole ship
is going to explode.
Just turn around and go home.
Please, save yourself
while you can.
But I can rescue you.
Chickie, listen to me,
in my whole life,
I never sacrificed anything
for the people I love,
Maybe this is my opportunity
to make up for all that.
But what about you?
Auto return sequence initiated.
What's going on?
It's all right.
- You'll be safe now.
- Tio.
Tell Yayita...
I love her.
have some adventures for me.
Anyone want some fries
with their condor nuggets?
Hold all my calls.
I'm going to celebrate
with my empress.
But my Lord, the invasion starts
in 20 minutes.
That's all right.
I'm only going to need four.
Take me home.
So where's your ship?
I sent it back to earth.
- What?
- Chickie was on it.
That was the only way
to make sure he got home safe.
Well, then exactly
how are we supposed
to get home?
Uh, Uber?
How about
the escape pods?
- Where are they?
- Top floor.
Hurry up.
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
What's your problem?
Oh, right.
I forgot to tell you.
Promise you won't get mad?
Mi amor,
come and get your emperor.
I'll be back soon.
Why don't you just wait
right here for me,
winky smoochy face.
Oh, mamacita!
This whole ship's gonna blow?!
You promised you
wouldn't get mad!
Where, where's my lunchbox?
Lunch, lunchbox,
where's my, my lunchbox
Where's my lunch,
lunch, lunchbox?
Where's my lunch, computer?
Where's my lunch,
lunch, lunchbox?
Computer, lunchbox?
Your Majesty.
The escape pods.
We just need to get to them
without causing a panic.
Panic, panic,
floor overheating.
Total devastation
in five minutes.
This is just a drill.
This is not a drill.
Well, at least
there are plenty
of escape pods.
No, there aren't.
Run, birdbrain, run!
That robot is a chicken!
Why yes,
I have been working out.
How dare you barge in on me?
But my Lord, I didn't mean to.
Slap yourself
in the face at once.
My Lord, it's...
an emergency!
- Ow!
- Huh?
Majesty, step away
from the chicken
- or we will shoot!
- Get us out of here!
Here goes nothing!
Kiss my feathers.
Well, I didn't see that coming.
Any other ideas?
I do have one.
Now let's get out of here.
where's our escape pod?
Son of a...
That tickles,
I'm stuck in something.
It's all my fault.
I should've left
when you first said to leave.
No, you're here
because of me.
It's my fault.
I'm sorry.
Did you throw up in here?
- What's that?
- Hey,
anybody need a ride?
But how?
I ejected the pilot.
you have to rescue us.
The mother ship
is going to explode.
Already on it.
Now tell me
that's not
the most beautiful sight ever.
- Huh?
- Do not put your faith
in beauty...
because beauty lies.
Let go of us.
I would've given you everything.
Believe me, I would rather die
than be with a monster like you.
Then here's your wish.
Chickie, are you all right?
Just a little dizzy.
You twisted maniac.
You're wasting your time.
Nice shot.
Now let's finish this.
Stop, just wait.
Huh, now you're really twisted.
Enough, Tremebunda,
remove your helmet now.
No, don't do it.
Don't listen to him.
Get off of me, bird boy.
Tell Treme to stop.
No, Treme.
Give it up, kid.
My security code is unbreakable.
Is it circle, triangle,
squiggle face, spider?
- How did you know that?
- There's a post-it.
No, no, no, no, no,
no, Mommy.
- What happened?
- It's no biggie.
You just tried to kill us
but it's all good.
You both are already dead.
Good luck outrunning that,
What are you looking
at me for?
No. This is an executive pod.
You're getting
space everywhere.
Tio, I'm scared.
It's gonna be all right.
Look, it's Pelotillehue.
Our inertial dampeners
are down to two percent.
Can you land this thing?
Maybe, but where?
I want you to cancel
the orphanage
and get me a first-class ticket
to Mars now!
- Look over here!
- No!
Not the car!
My baby! Please!
Ha! You missed me!
We can now officially
confirm that Earth
and with it,
the rest of the football season
has been saved!
My darling,
I thought I lost you forever.
You should be so lucky.
Oh, Mom.
You're back!
- Hey, guys.
- Did you get us anything?
Of course I did.
Who wants to play with
an alien artifact?
It's confirmed, ma'am.
The mothership has been
completely destroyed.
And the amulet?
There's no trace of it
on the scan.
- Professor?
- Yay!
Finally, a real alien
to dissect!
These tentacles are fascinating.
That one isn't a tentacle.
Where you going?
You were right.
Yayita deserves a prince,
not a birdbrain.
Yes, but sometimes
even a birdbrain
can be a prince.
Go to her,
you nitwit.
I just wanted to say
if it wasn't for you,
I wouldn't have made it back.
You were the light
that guided me home.
I know I don't
have much, but...
will you marry me?
- No.
- Aww. Huh?
you know how much you mean to me
but it's just too soon
for us to get married.
I'm not ready.
So that means
there's no wedding?
The only thing I want from you
is right here.
You are the most amazing woman
in the universe!
Pepe! Pepe! Pepe! Pepe!
Thank you, thank you.
Now, many of you
must be wondering,
Pepe Cortisona,
why are you throwing
your money away
on something as worthless
as needy children?
Well, all I can say is...
I have the butt of a donkey.
Uh, excuse me.
What I meant to say is...
Honey, don't you think
you've punished Pepe enough?
Not really.
Here you go.
Yes, yes, don't worry.
I'll add you on WhatsApp.
What's going on?
Oh, no. No,
no, no. Oh, please.
Tell me I did not pay
for all of this.
Lead Sack,
you've been very generous.
And in return,
the kids have done
something for you.
They all worked together
to repair...
your beloved...
Whee, whee.
Uh, I guess it's now
more of an auto-immobile.