Confess, Fletch (2022) Movie Script
0
Ma'am, you must eat something.
You must be terribly weak
by now.
I won't do it anymore.
I can't.
You can.
You have to.
Everyone is most concerned
about your behavior.
She's... She's out!
She's out!
Find her!
Look in the cellar!
Somebody check the grounds.
Go, go, go!
Bar the doors.
Seal the rooms.
It all ends here.
With me.
Ma'am, wait!
Please, no! Stop!
No!
Thank you.
It's a pleasure to be here
with you all,
celebrating the ten-year
anniversary of UnlockYourPast.
Beef carpaccio?
Mm-mm.
We hit this milestone
because people yearn
for connection.
For a sense of family.
A sense of belonging.
Beef carpaccio?
And for the sense
of purpose that comes
from knowing who you are.
We should do it.
I want you to ask yourself:
"Who am I?"
Beef carpaccio?
Shh.
And "What is my true purpose?"
Beef fucking carpaccio.
Ugh. What a creep.
You gonna call him?
No, gross.
If you not gonna call him,
maybe I will.
Evie, don't judge.
You know how hard it is
out here.
Can you imagine being that rich?
Just walking around
like you own people.
Girl, he probably does
own people.
Wanted to add you to the roster.
So I got a boob graze
and a butt grab tonight.
How about you?
Dos to the tetas.
Mm. Frisky.
Want me to call HR for you?
Oh, hey, Tony.
We were just messing around.
Just jokes.
You know there are
plenty of other girls who would
be grateful for this gig.
What an asshat.
I did grab us a swag bag.
This one's got
little bottles of wine in them.
My favorite.
Mm-hm.
And there's a DNA test
in there too.
I gotta run.
Got my midterm tomorrow.
You're gonna crush it.
I know. See you later.
Does it show on my face?
'Cause I'm holding
Everything
Excuse me.
Mm-mm-mm-mm
Life plays back
In my mind
Some scenes
They kinda sting
And stay
Put it all
In a hot air balloon
Cut the strings
And it's straight to the moon
This is not what I wanted
But my head's downhearted
I had a talk
With my inner child
She is caught
Between gentle and wild
Hi, Evie, love. It's Mom.
Happy birthday.
You are such an amazingly
talented artist.
And I know you have big,
big things ahead of you.
I'm so proud of you.
And your dad would be too.
And I know you're worried
about being alone,
but I'll always be with you.
Just know that
when things are hard,
you're stronger
than you think you are.
I love you to the moon and back.
Love you too, Mom.
Okay, bye-bye, sweetie.
This is not what I wanted
But I get downhearted
WOMAN Unlocking your family
history is as easy as DNA.
Collect your sample, seal it,
and mail it back to us.
You'll get an e-mail
when your results are ready.
And don't forget to tick the box
to notify
your newfound relatives.
Did you ever go out on a date
with that bartender guy?
Ugh. I'm ignoring his texts.
Why?
You said you liked him.
Ah...
I can't handle the New York
dating scene right now.
It is exhausting.
No way.
What?
I got a cousin.
Holy shit.
That is the whitest man
I've ever seen.
He wants to meet up.
A stranger? Off the Internet?
Mm-mm. You're not doing that.
He's family,
and I don't have any.
So you wanna be catfished?
Oh, interesting.
He's wearing an ascot.
What could he want
with my broke ass?
Your kidneys.
That's probably
exactly what this site is.
Tinder for unassuming
organ donors.
Says right there in the corner.
And he's British.
They're all absurdly polite.
Because they're racked
with colonial guilt.
Doesn't mean you need to
mistake that for good manners.
I'm sorry, whose last, wait,
three boyfriends were white?
Mm-mm.
We are unpacking that
in therapy.
Don't do me like that.
Look, all I'm saying is,
leopards don't usually
change their spots.
Cousin Oliver.
Oliver.
Evelyn.
Hi. Please, have a seat.
You can just call me Evie.
Cousin Evie.
It sounds so Jane Austen
when you say it like that.
So, um, you're in town for work?
Yeah, family business.
Real estate.
La, la, la.
Sounds, uh, exciting.
Not in the slightest.
Okay, tell me
everything about yourself.
Work, relationship status.
I want to know it all.
Well, I am trying
to get my MFA, uh,
but I'm mostly just
freelancing right now.
Catering, really.
Hm.
And I am very much single.
Oh, God, me too. Painfully so.
What about your parents?
Are they in New York too?
My dad...
My dad died when I was 14,
and my mom passed
just a few months ago, actually.
I'm so sorry.
Thanks, um...
You know, she was sick
for a while. Cancer.
But she always wanted
to take me to England,
so we could learn
about our family history.
So...
Yes.
Well, it's quite fascinating,
actually.
You're part
of the family scandal.
Just before her nuptials
in 1925,
your great-grandmother,
Emmaline,
had an illicit affair
with a footman.
A Black footman?
Well, evidently, yeah.
Wow. I imagine
that was quite the scandal.
She kept it a secret
from everyone,
including her future husband.
Quite the rebel,
your great-grandmother.
So, what happened
to my grandfather?
The baby.
Turns out the footman
left the village
and raised the baby,
your grandfather, on his own.
Scandals aren't
what they used to be.
Everyone is utterly
overjoyed by the news.
Everyone?
I can't keep secrets.
The whole Alexander family
knows about you.
Great-Uncle Alfred,
Uncle Julius,
my three brothers,
all the cousins.
There's a wedding coming up.
My...
Our cousin Martin is getting
married in a few weeks.
Huge celebration in the English
countryside, really posh.
That's him and his fiance,
Cecile.
She's one of the De Villes.
Trs rich. It'll be
the wedding of the century.
You know what? You should come.
What?
To the wedding. You should come.
Uh...
I'd love to, but I cannot
afford a trip right now.
Don't be silly. Our treat.
I've got so many
frequent-flier miles.
You'd be doing me a favor.
Oliver, really, thank you,
but that is too much to ask.
Great-Uncle Alfred
is dying to meet you.
Literally.
He's 89 and quite frail.
He'd love for us all
to be together.
It's a brilliant idea.
I just...
Are you serious?
I can't imagine
what you've gone through
after losing your mother.
It's tragic,
but you still have family.
You could fulfill
your mother's wish
by taking the trip
she always wanted.
Worst-case scenario,
it's an all-expenses-paid trip
to Whitby, Yorkshire.
You just have to tolerate
my terrible sense of humor
for a few days.
Come on, say yes.
Hey, girl.
How's the motherland?
You know, it feels good.
I'm excited to meet my family.
Oh, I'm excited for you.
Now, what are the three rules?
Uh... Eat, pray, love?
Girl, if you wind up
dead in a ditch,
I'm telling you,
I'm not helping.
Okay, okay. Send you a picture
of the license plate.
Text you when I go to sleep.
And...
And don't trust...
Don't trust men with goatees.
men with goatees.
No.
There you go.
I'm at Arrivals.
I'll call you later.
If you see Idris Elba,
say hi to him for me.
All right, bye.
Evie.
You made it.
Hi.
How was the flight?
Uh...
You've ruined coach forever.
My pleasure.
Ready for an adventure?
I guess.
Come on, let's go.
- So who lives here again?
- The De Ville family.
But our family will be staying
the weekend for the festivities.
Holy shit.
Are they royalty or something?
No, it's just old money.
England's full of it.
Right this way. There you are.
Watch your step.
There you go.
All right.
You definitely must be
on your best behavior.
Welcome to New Carfax Abbey.
Wow, it's...
incredible.
Let me go find our host.
All right, text a photo
of the license...
Oh, shit.
I am so sorry.
No, miss, we're sorry.
Very sorry.
Oh, please, miss,
we'll clean this up.
It's okay. If we don't help
each other out, who will, right?
I'm Evie, by the way.
I'm Diya.
Or Dee is fine too.
I'm Imogen.
And what has happened here?
Oh, hi. Uh, it was me. I...
Clean it up immediately. We have
important guests arriving.
Yes, sir, of course.
It was really my fault.
I don't care whose fault it was.
Just get rid of it.
There's no need
to be snarky about it.
I beg your pardon?
Did I stutter?
At ease, Mr. Field.
I believe this is
one of our important guests.
And that makes a difference?
My sincerest apologies, ma'am.
Sir.
Thank you, ladies.
Sorry about that.
He can be quite demanding.
More like an asshole.
Oh, so you must be Evelyn.
Evie. And you are?
Walter.
You beat me to the punch.
You've been introduced?
Yeah.
Uh, no.
Well, not formally.
This is my cousin who I was
telling you about,
Evie Alexander.
It's Jackson, really.
Evie, this is the lord
of the manor, Walter De Ville.
You can just call me Walt.
Oh, uh...
Hi, Walt. Um...
Hi.
Yeah, so...
I was the one who ran into them
and the glasses.
So, yeah, it really
wasn't their fault.
Okay, so you're the klutz.
Got it.
Is this a gift
for the happy couple?
Uh, yeah.
May I?
Oh, yeah.
I made it.
Wow.
It's very impressive.
Sir?
Hm?
The grounds are ready
for inspection.
Ah. Well, excuse me.
I hope you enjoy
your time at New Carfax, Evie.
Oh, and thank you
for letting me stay.
Your, uh...
m-mansion, it's beautiful.
My home is your home.
Well, that was only
mildly awkward.
I'm sure he got a kick
out of it.
Sir, may I escort the lady
to her bedroom?
Evie, this is Mr. Field,
head butler here at New Carfax.
Yeah, we met.
I got it.
Have fun.
You're most welcome to venture
anywhere within the estate.
Except the library.
We're renovating.
Are these all real?
I can assure you
everything is authentic, ma'am.
The master is a great supporter
of the arts.
Allow me to introduce you
to your lady's maid,
Mrs. Swift.
I get a maid?
Of course.
Hi, I'm Evie.
Welcome, miss.
Right this way.
This is my room?
Is it to your liking, miss?
Uh...
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
That is something.
A gift from the maids of honor.
There's more than one?
Yes, it's a De Ville tradition.
The mirror broke last week,
but we've ordered a new one.
Isn't that seven years bad luck?
What's with the bars?
The shrikes are quite
aggressive this time of year.
Shrikes?
Local carnivorous birds, miss.
They exhibit
a peculiar strain of brutality.
They impale their prey
on thorns.
Legend has it one
plucked out a stable boy's eye
and stuck it on a fence spike.
Gave the maids quite a fright.
Holy shit.
Miss?
Yeah?
This is the service bell.
Just pull it
if you need assistance.
Yes, like that.
Please, don't.
Sorry.
Who's that?
A former lady of the house.
Well, she looks thrilled
to be here.
She was a woman of great depth.
She passed away recently.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
I know the pain
of losing someone
never really quite leaves you.
Is there anything else
you'll be needing, miss?
No.
I promise, I'll be
your easiest customer yet.
Thank you, miss.
GRACE Is that a four-poster bed?
G, this place is insane.
They got drawing rooms
and service bells.
All right.
Well, don't get lured in.
Next thing you know, you'll be
posing for nude portraits.
Oh. And I made a total ass
of myself
with the "lord of the manor."
Did you overdo it
on the bubbly again?
Maybe. But in my defense,
his butler was being
an entitled douchebag,
and then the lord swooped in
and saved the day.
Did I mention he's hot?
Wait. The butler or the lord?
The lord, Walt.
And you'd think he'd be
like 100 years old,
but he's our age.
Hold up.
Hang on a sec.
Oh.
Hi.
Hi, Walt.
Sorry to bother you so late.
I saw the light on
under your door.
What's up?
I just wanted
to apologize again.
Our butler,
he's a bit old-fashioned.
I hope you weren't offended.
Um...
I was, actually.
Oh. Um...
I am sorry.
I'm sorry. I'll...
I'll talk to him.
Is there any chance we can
erase the memory and start over?
I don't know if that's possible,
but you could maybe make
a better second impression.
Right, okay.
And how am I doing with that?
Solid seven and a half.
Maybe-maybe an eight.
Okay, well,
that's a start at least.
I trust your accommodation
meets your high standards?
I mean, I can live with this.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Thank you for tolerating it.
Thank you for apologizing.
I am gonna let you
get some rest.
I'm glad that you decided
to make the trip over.
I'm looking forward
to getting to know you better.
Me too.
Good night, Evie.
Night, Walt.
Mmm!
Shh.
I do believe our Miss Evelyn
is gonna get some
destination-wedding D.
Stop, all right?
He is just being a good host.
Are you seriously gonna deny
that accent?
What happened to
"don't trust anyone"?
Anyone with goatees.
He's a lord.
And you and I both know
it's been a minute
since you had some.
Okay, I'm gonna go for a jog.
You better snog him.
ends here.
It all ends here.
With me.
VOICE Evie.
We must wait here
for your assignment, ladies.
Should be any moment now.
Jesus, you scared me.
Miss, you should return
to your room.
It's not safe in the dark.
I just wanted some water.
Two.
You're to clean the library.
The rest of you
return to your quarters.
Yes, sir.
What are they doing down there?
Final cleaning rounds, miss.
Please, go back to bed.
I'll make you a chamomile tea
to help with the jet lag.
Come on now.
Never take it easy
On the PDA
I don't miss you
At least not that way
But someone better
Want me like that someday
I had my hesitation
You're breaking all the rules
Down Electric Avenue
Oh-oh
I never seem to...
Hello?
Just like a dream
To me, dear, you seem
Like a dream
Of so long, long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago... Long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago...
Long a...
Excuse me, miss.
I believe your family reunion
is starting.
Oh, shit.
There she is.
Hi. I'm so sorry. I overslept.
"Party late, sleep late," I say.
I'm your Uncle Julius.
And, you know, we're all
so delighted that you're here.
I'm delighted too.
A toast.
Great-Uncle Alfred, patriarch.
Just wanted to take this moment
to welcome Evelyn to the family.
I was overjoyed when Oliver
told me of your existence.
What a gift!
We are so blessed.
It truly means more to me...
to us...
than you can ever know.
So many boys...
we thought we were done for.
Oh, uh...
My turn? Um...
Um...
All right, first I'd like
to thank Oliver.
You sure know
how to spoil a girl.
And I'd like to thank
all of you...
for welcoming me with open arms.
It was always just my mom,
my dad and me.
Now, um...
to learn I have
this whole new family...
Well, it's, um...
It's like a dream, so...
To Evie.
To Evie.
To Evie.
Oh, thanks.
It's Dee, right?
A certain Mr. De Ville
was inquiring
about your whereabouts.
Really?
He seems to be quite
charmed by you. Mm.
I mean, can you blame him?
Absolutely not.
So, Walt, um...
Mr. De Ville. Uh...
We're not related, right?
Not in the slightest.
Yeah, okay.
I was, you know, just...
making sure.
You.
Follow me.
The master of the house has
requested the 1897 Vino Cruor.
You need both of us
to go get it?
You have a propensity
to break things.
What's his problem?
Let's just find it
and get out of here.
Okay.
Shit.
Here.
Thanks.
Your face.
Stop messing about.
I said, quit...
Over here!
It's stuck at the back.
Hey.
Dee, what's wrong?
Dee.
Behind you.
Dee.
So how's the fam?
Very white.
Oh, so you fit right in?
Ha, ha.
Actually,
they were really sweet.
Great-Uncle Alfred
even shed a tear.
That is so cute.
I love when old men cry.
Did you flirt with the lord
of the manor today?
Not yet. But he gave me
this dress to wear tonight.
Wow! Evie,
that's quite the gesture.
I know. I wonder what he expects
in return.
You know what they say.
"When a man
buys you a dress..."
What do they say?
Oh! What happened?
Are you okay?
Evie? Hello?
Yeah, I-I'm fine. Uh...
It was just a shrike.
What the fuck is a shrike?
Evie.
Announcing...
Miss Evelyn Alexander.
I was not expecting that.
You look divine.
Own it. You're an Alexander now,
remember?
That seems to be official, huh?
Would you like some champagne?
Thank you.
Beef carpaccio, miss?
Oh, God, no.
Thank you though.
- That dress is gorgeous.
- Thank you. It was a gift.
Announcing...
Cheers.
The maids of honor:
Viktoria Klopstock
and Lucy Billington.
Wow. They're popular.
We finally meet.
You must be Evie.
Yeah, hi.
You're American.
I was expecting something else.
Well, this is what you get.
What were your names again?
I'm Lucy, and this is...
Viktoria.
We just wanted to extend
a warm welcome.
So thrilled to have you join us.
Stop trying so hard.
Thank you, Lucy.
I'm equally thrilled to be here.
You're very pretty.
Thank you.
So are you.
Oliver has told us
so much about you.
Don't believe a word.
He has a penchant for flattery.
So how do you know Cecile?
The bride.
Oh. Heh. Uh...
Cece, we have known her
for years.
All of our families have served
the De Villes for generations.
My family, the Billingtons,
handle their legal affairs.
The Klopstocks
manage their finances.
And as I'm sure you know,
the Alexanders find them
these incredible homes.
Your life in New York,
it sounds terribly humdrum.
How fortunate that your cousin
plucked you out of thin air
and brought you here to us.
I'm gonna get a refill.
It was nice to meet you, Lucy.
Champagne, please.
I've always wanted
to visit New York.
I'll take the rouge priv.
It's only a hop over the pond.
Yes, I don't travel much,
I'm afraid.
Well, you should.
I'll show you around.
You would?
Of course.
I'll take you
to the secret spots.
I-I would love that.
That would be unbelievable.
Thank you, in advance.
You're welcome, in advance.
The Lord of New Carfax Abbey,
Walter De Ville.
Wait. What are you doing?
It's customary
that I have the first dance.
I don't know any dances.
It's fine.
Just follow my lead.
Oh, my God.
Get out of your head.
Ready?
No.
Two, three, one, two, three...
Oh, no. Ahem.
Are you enjoying yourself?
I am.
But I can't shake the feeling
that everyone is staring at me.
Can you blame them?
Don't gloat.
You must admit, she has
a certain je ne sais quoi.
Yes, her accent gets
right into the inner ear canal.
You even make jealousy
look radiant, Viktoria.
I suppose congratulations
are in order.
A female Alexander.
And here I thought
you were all dried up.
Do you want to get out of here?
Don't you have to host
your party?
Yeah.
There's too many sycophants.
I prefer real conversation.
Got it.
There you are.
Thank you.
So do you ever get bored here?
Yeah, more often
than you'd think.
Ugh. I just don't see
how that's physically possible.
Well, even a life of indulgence
has its drawbacks.
Are there wolves in England?
Americans. Wolves?
We've not had wolves
in over 400 years.
Knowledge or nudity? Mm.
What's it gonna be, Eve?
This is 17th century?
Well done. 1632.
It's beautiful.
Hm.
And what's that building?
The icehouse.
From a bygone era.
Before refrigeration.
But I have something better
to show you.
Is this yours?
Mm-hm.
But sadly,
not all of us have talent.
Want to give it a spin?
In this dress?
It's fine.
I'll just buy you a new one.
Sorry, I know how that sounded.
It's okay, I get it.
You're Rockefeller rich
or whatever.
It's fine.
So, what drew you to pottery?
Ceramics.
Apologies. Ceramics.
My mom.
It was one of her hobbies.
When I was a kid, she taught me
how to make bowls and mugs,
goofy clay sculptures.
It must have moved her to know
you grew up to be an artist.
I'd use the term
"artist" loosely.
But, yeah, I think it did.
Now that she's gone,
it keeps me close to her.
What about your parents?
Uh, they are...
They're no longer with us.
It was a...
It was a long, long time ago.
Look at us.
Couple of orphans.
Dickens would have a field day.
I'm not the type
that he writes about.
Oh, why's that?
I have zero redeeming qualities.
Stop playing a type.
What type? What type is that?
A mysterious, self-deprecating,
"Oh, I can't help it,
I have so much money" bad guy.
It's a front. I can tell.
Yeah? How can you tell?
Well, for one, you didn't blow
your whole inheritance on blow.
Quite the achievement.
Yeah, you'd be surprised.
And you went out of your way
to apologize to me.
That's redeeming.
I did that 'cause I'm trying
to impress you.
Anyway, are you showing me all
this just to torture me, or...?
Ah, yes. No, what do you mean?
I just...
I can't imagine what it's like
to wake up and have all this
at your fingertips
every single day.
Well, maybe you should
imagine it.
When are you going to stop
saying things like that?
When are you going to kiss me?
What makes you think
I wanna kiss you?
Well, now it's clich.
Mm.
Would you like me
to turn them off?
Thank you for coming.
Thank you.
Did your girl
turn into a pumpkin?
She's recovering from jet lag.
Looked like you were
enjoying yourself.
She's quite refreshing.
All sparkly and new?
Play nice.
Always.
I mean it.
Evie.
Hey, it's me. It's me, okay?
There's something in here.
What?
There.
Where?
There's nothing here.
No, but...
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
It's okay.
It's fine, you're safe.
Look at me. Hey, you're safe.
Yeah.
Come here.
You don't have to do that.
I made the mess.
It's my job, miss.
Can't have your room
in this state.
Oh, damn it. Sorry.
Never mind that.
I feel like I'm going crazy.
Thank you, Mrs. Swift.
Thank you.
I'll see it from here.
Yes, sir.
How are you feeling?
Like a fool.
Don't.
Okay? It's a new environment.
It takes time to adjust.
If you like, I could stay
with you till you fall asleep.
I... Yeah, that would be nice.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Do you have a preference?
For what?
Side of the bed.
I've kind of been sprawling.
Oh.
Just everywhere.
Yeah, no.
I mean, whatever works.
Okay. Um...
Let's...
Okay.
Talk to me.
It'll help me fall asleep.
There is actually something
I am curious about.
But I don't quite know
how to ask it.
Oh?
Yeah, it's a little forward.
Well, you are lying in my bed,
so...
I'm wondering, what is it
that you want with your life?
Oh, wow.
We're going there.
Oh, yeah.
I never mastered small talk.
I've noticed.
Okay, so I'm tempted to say
I wanna be a working artist.
Say something important.
And all that.
But truthfully,
I've been treading water.
Barely scraping by.
I wanna live life fully.
You know?
Throw caution to the wind.
That's what I really want.
Great answer.
And what about you?
What do you want for your life?
I think about this quite a lot.
I can tell.
I have a great life,
and I know that.
But you know what?
Having all the money
in the world, it means nothing.
You know that's something
only rich people say, right?
I know.
I just...
I just want to share all this.
Someone to enjoy it with.
I'm tired of the facade
and constantly keeping up
appearances.
Yes, it's a grand life, but...
it's isolating.
I want someone to see me
for who I truly am.
Doesn't try and change me
into an idea or into a concept.
Or an itch
that they need to scratch.
Someone that accepts me.
Hello, sleepy head.
What time is it?
It is time for our spa day.
We've arranged a day
of pampering
for ladies of the bridal party.
We heard you had quite
the evening.
Oh, yes.
Don't worry about that.
Took me a while to get used
to this rickety,
old place myself.
You can leave that thing here.
There's no service
where we're going.
Come on.
All right.
Spa day.
This is Evie.
Sit, relax.
Hello.
So I'm excited to finally meet
the bride and groom tonight.
Oh, yes, they really are
the perfect match.
Would you like
to get married one day?
Oh, God.
I don't know.
Uh, I feel so young.
But what if you met
the right person?
Age is but a number.
Mm, maybe one day.
But I like my independence.
I see.
Do you have any siblings?
No, one was enough
for my parents.
And they probably would've
requested a refund
if they could.
No, I very much doubt that.
It was a joke.
Oh.
Right, of course.
Well, I have older brothers,
but, um...
always wanted a sister.
Do leave the poor girl alone,
Lucy.
You're like a little Pomeranian.
Yap, yap.
I always wanted a sister too.
You and Walter seem
to be getting close, Evie.
We're just getting to know
one another.
You don't have to play coy
with me, honey.
I am curious though.
What has he told you about us?
Nothing much.
But I'm sure he will tell me
if there is something
worth telling.
I'm sure he'll fill you in
at the right time.
How well can you know someone
if you don't know their past?
I think you should
take people as they are,
you know?
People change.
No point digging up skeletons.
I call bullshit.
Nobody has that much virtue.
Given the opportunity,
we'd all snoop.
Read their diaries,
texts, e-mails.
Can't help it.
It's in our nature.
I guess we'll just have to agree
to disagree.
So you're not even
a teeny bit curious
what he gets up to
behind those locked doors?
What is your problem?
Ow!
I'm sorry, miss.
I'm so sorry.
No, it's okay, honestly.
Oh, Evie, you're bleeding.
I'm fine. It's nothing.
You poor thing.
Let me see.
What the fuck?
Oh, my God.
Evie, I'll come with you.
It's okay. I'll see you later.
Just teasing you, baby doll.
Lighten up.
You'll learn to love me.
Promise.
Shit.
Evie?
You okay?
I'm leaving.
Why? Did Viktoria
say something?
I do not care about Viktoria.
Hey, hey.
Okay, look, I can explain this.
What, that you were stalking me?
Mm, that's a bit of a stretch.
You have a file on your desk
with my name on it.
If you let me explain...
I knew this was
too good to be true.
Here's the evidence.
Evidence of what?
You said
you wanted to get to know me,
but it's all here
in black and white.
My mom's name, where I grew up,
my school. You knew everything.
Let's not jump to conclusions.
Do you vet everyone
who comes here,
or is that reserved
for people like me?
That's nothing to do with it.
Smart thinking, getting
my criminal record checked.
By the way, I had my tonsils
removed when I was 13 years old.
Might wanna add that
to your little dossier.
You're being obstinate.
You're being arrogant.
You don't know what it's like
to have people use you
and take advantage of you
all the time.
Really? I don't know
what that's like?
I wanted to know
a few things about you
before I let you sleep
under my roof.
Would you not have done
the same?
When Oliver asked if he could
invite his long-lost cousin
to the wedding,
I asked if he could send
some information over on you
to make sure that you weren't
an opportunist.
It wouldn't be the first time.
I despise technology,
and he knows that,
so he printed out
a few pages for me.
That is the extent of it.
I do want to get to know you.
The real you, not some bullet
points on a piece of paper.
And, yes, I would be lying
if I said I wasn't intrigued
by what I saw.
I am guilty of that.
You should've just asked me.
I know, and I'm sorry.
And I made a mistake.
It's just, I'm not...
I'm not used to this.
And I wasn't expecting you
to be you.
I didn't expect you either.
Did we just have
our first fight?
Don't be charming.
Do you think you're the only one
scared of getting hurt?
Please, nothing frightens you.
Oh, yeah?
When I saw you packing
your things, that scared me.
Please, don't run away.
Okay.
No more secrets.
We should get ready
for the rehearsal dinner.
It's that time already?
Mm-hm. I'm afraid so.
Well, I can't wait to see
the wedding of the century.
We should make it
a double wedding.
Very funny.
Why not?
Why not have a shotgun wedding?
Yeah.
Oh, God.
I mean, our families are here.
All the arrangements
have been made.
You are high on sex.
We should live in the moment.
Throw caution to the wind.
Okay, fine. I accept.
I have left you a dress
in the wardrobe,
in case you need
something to wear.
Ugh. More gifts?
Mm-hm.
Walt.
You know I was joking, right?
Ah, there she is!
Darling, please, sit down.
The festivities
are about to start.
Okay.
Someone surely does
look the part.
My dear friends.
My comrades.
I would like to formally welcome
the three great families
to New Carfax.
The Billingtons of Whitby.
Klopstocks, Budapest.
And the Alexanders of London.
Let the feast begin.
Hear, hear.
You are a vision.
So that was intense.
You know the English
and their traditions.
I'm so glad that we can finally
be honest with each other.
Me too.
So where are
the bride and groom?
Mm!
If you'll all indulge me
for one more moment.
Our four families have served
each other for generations.
But as you all know,
there has been someone
missing from this table,
someone vital to our alliance.
And we've all felt
the strain of this imbalance.
But tonight, that once-broken
bond will be renewed,
refortified...
when Evelyn Alexander and I
are wed.
Congratulations!
What are you doing? Walt.
Refreshments, please.
Walt, Walt.
Oh, finally.
I was getting obscenely bored.
My lord.
For as long
as I care to remember,
you lovely mortals
have provided me
with the gift of wives.
Three brides.
Three. The magic number.
And in return, you and your
families enjoyed safety
and prosperity,
for generations.
We are at our strongest
when there are three.
We can thrive
when there are three.
When Emmaline,
my Alexander bride,
chose to leave us,
our union was compromised.
Emmaline, my Alexander bride.
In 1925, your great-grandmother,
Emmaline...
Your great-grandmother...
Who's that?
Former lady of the house.
She passed away recently.
Tonight, we celebrate
our eternal bond,
the pact that your ancestors
made many, many moons ago.
Charge your glasses.
To Evie.
My new bride.
To Evie.
You have brought new life...
to these four walls.
Maybe even enough to make
this old heart beat again.
May the bridemaidens rejoice.
The bridemaidens rejoice.
I believe congratulations
are in order, dear cousin.
I have to go.
I have to...
Please, let me go.
I'm begging you, please.
Evie.
My love, whatever is the matter?
Hm?
I want to go home.
But this is your home.
We are your family.
Evie, I thought we agreed that
we were done with this charade.
Hm?
Secrets.
We are now free
to be our true selves.
No?
Why are you all
just sitting there?
Do something. Help me.
You're all monsters. All of you!
Miss.
You're sick!
Don't take her words to heart.
You know how difficult
brides can be.
Help!
Help me.
You're embarrassing me.
Hey.
Hey, shh.
Hey, hey. Hey, it's me.
No.
Get her prepared.
Tonight is yours.
Tomorrow is mine.
Welcome our new bride
to the family.
Eat. Come on, eat.
Welcome to your bachelorette
party, Evie.
Hey, no, no, no.
Don't cry.
We'll soon be just like sisters.
Three perfect little dolls
for the master.
Please, let me go.
Enough already.
Even your great-grandmother
wasn't this difficult.
Till she refused
to feed on the help.
Truly selfish act.
She put us all in jeopardy.
Emmaline was lovely.
And we were such great friends.
She just...
Well, she became confused.
But you...
You won't let us down
like she did, will you, Evie?
That thing...
in my room, that was you?
Apologies.
I was in a playful mood.
Why?
Why are you doing this to me?
For your blood, of course.
Our bloodlines are rare.
They're special.
And the combination of them
makes the four of us
all-powerful.
Immune to the effects of time.
Look, we were both once
in the exact
same position as you are, Evie.
Though choices were limited
for women back then.
Viktoria has been with him
for 500 years.
Me, only a hundred.
At the ceremony,
you'll be bound to the master.
And to us.
But to make the bond permanent,
you must first consume
his blood.
When you drink,
you will absorb his power.
You will gain the strength
of a hundred men.
But only after the master
drinks your blood
will we all be granted
eternal life.
You'll enjoy your powers
for as long as he lives.
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, don't! Don't.
You like this one?
Dee.
Clean this one up.
Hold it for the ceremony.
The new mistress
has taken a shine to it.
Look, Evie.
Your new home.
Please, don't put me in there.
No, no, no. Don't worry.
You can still be outside
during the day.
There are so many
misconceptions about our kind.
Please.
Say good night.
No. No! No, stop!
Help!
No, no.
No! Stop!
No, don't leave me in here.
No!
No!
No, help.
Help!
Shit.
Quickly now.
You have to be quiet.
Wait.
Diya.
You'll have to send help.
Why are you helping me?
Your great-grandmother
was a dear friend.
She held out
as long as she could,
for everyone's sake.
But in the end,
being married to a monster
was too much to bear.
Move quickly.
If you see one, a stake,
beheading or fire
are the only ways to kill them.
Don't stop running till you're
on a plane out of England.
What'll happen to you?
I'll get what I deserve.
Go, go, go.
Let's go! Lock those doors!
Move, move!
You men, over there!
Right.
Scour the grounds.
She won't get far.
Sir.
We will hunt you down!
Help me. Help me, please.
I'm sorry,
we don't have any money.
Please.
They're coming for me, please.
De Ville.
Jonathan,
there's a girl out here.
Here, dear.
You're shaking.
Chamomile. Soothes the soul.
Yes, hello.
Mr. Harker here.
Yeah, there's a young lady here
who seems quite distressed.
Yes.
I can't quite hear them, dear.
Could you try?
Hello, this is Mina Harker.
Yeah, well, the girl says she,
well, escaped from New Carfax.
Well, I know.
It's terribly alarming, yeah.
Oh, yes, I know.
I've just made her a cup of tea.
Have a sip, my dear.
It's good for the nerves.
Yes, of course.
Oh, it's our honor, really.
They're on their way.
You really should
drink your tea.
Don't fuck this up
for all of us, my dear.
It was a gallant attempt.
I'll give you that.
I trust you have it
out of your system now.
Who are you?
Mm...
In the old country, they called
my kind strigoi or nosferatu.
And in Wallachia, they called me
Son of the Dragon.
A sobriquet I rather enjoy.
Are you telling me you're...?
Evie, Evie, Evie. Think about
what you're gaining here.
Wealth, power.
Great strength, life eternal.
No more sickness,
like your mother had.
No struggle. No longer confined
by the frailty
of human existence.
A life of privilege.
A sense of belonging.
And a family
entirely dedicated to you.
Isn't that why you came here?
Isn't that what you want?
Hmm?
For someone of your...
mm...
background,
surely this is more than
a leg up.
It would make your life
so much easier...
if you came willingly.
Regardless, you have
no say in the matter.
You already agreed
to my proposal.
You tricked me.
Fortunately for me,
the fine print's irrelevant.
Excuse me.
Mmm!
The fibula is so underrated,
in my opinion.
Stop smiling.
I'm so glad you've come
to your senses, my love.
We are gathered here
this evening
to sanctify the union
between our benevolent master
and his new bride
from the Alexander bloodline.
Long may they flourish.
May the bridemaidens rejoice.
Master.
Do you take this woman
to be your bride?
I do.
And do you, Evelyn Alexander,
take the master to love, honor,
serve, and obey, for all
the days of your eternal life?
It all ends here.
With me.
Just know
that when things are hard,
you're stronger
than you think you are.
You will absorb his power.
absorb his power.
Yes.
May you now exchange blood.
Slow down, dear.
There's plenty more to come.
I want her next.
No!
No.
No, no, no.
Evie, please, Evie...
No.
You think you can change
thousands of years,
just like that?
I killed him. It's over.
You silly girl.
It was just a flesh wound.
If he were dead,
I wouldn't be able to do this.
No. Diya, go get help.
You're pathetic.
You're not one of us.
You're a halfling.
That all you got?
You're nothing.
What do you think you're doing?
It's enough, Viktoria. Please.
You get back in line.
No.
No?
No.
You don't tell me
what to do anymore.
I told Master
that you were subpar
the moment he mentioned you.
That you were so beneath
our standards.
I should have slit that baby's
throat, your grandfather,
when I had the chance.
I am going to enjoy
cutting your head off
and feeding it
to the fucking wolves!
Asshole.
I was doing you a favor.
Saving you from your miserable
excuse for existence.
Giving you a family.
Status, privilege.
All the power in the world.
I would rather die
than be a part of this.
You modern women
are so ungrateful.
All those women.
You're a monster.
I am a god!
I hope you all burn.
You...
Hey, it's me.
We've paid off the cops.
It's bought us some time.
We have to destroy the evidence
and get the fuck out of town.
Don't worry, she's mortal.
She doesn't have any powers.
All right, all right.
I'll get back to you.
Still the whitest man
I've ever seen.
Mm-hm.
I gotta say,
I'm loving
this whole look on you.
Well, thank you.
Mm-hm.
Out with the old,
in with the new.
You know the plan?
Yep, we go in there
and take him the F out.
Exactly.
But let me take the lead.
Mm-hm.
Don't wanna be relegated
to the sidekick?
Please, I have always been
your sidekick.
All right, sis. Ready?
For you? Always.
Wait, where did you get a bat?
It's ironic, right?
Bat, vampire.
Come on, E, that's good.
Ay, Mr. Badman
Gimme that crown
Ay, Mr. Badman
Gimme that crown
I'm the king and queen
And I don't quit
Turn to fool if you comin'
In that big whip
Got the cuties in the coupe
And we do not slip
Believe me mi nuh big talk
Without a reason
Ay, Mr. Badman
Gimme that crown
Ay, Mr. Badman
Gimme that crown
And we be sittin'
In the two seat
Got the lights
Engine runnin'
Oh, baby, you like that?
Psycho girl
That you're gunnin'
If I'm gonna do that
I'mma do it like it's nothin'
I don't see no custom
Ay, Mr. Badman
Gimme that crown
Bod gyal ah come see
Dem all a drop, run run
Ay, Mr. Badman
Gimme that crown
Bod gyal ah come see
Dem all a drop, run run
Ma'am, you must eat something.
You must be terribly weak
by now.
I won't do it anymore.
I can't.
You can.
You have to.
Everyone is most concerned
about your behavior.
She's... She's out!
She's out!
Find her!
Look in the cellar!
Somebody check the grounds.
Go, go, go!
Bar the doors.
Seal the rooms.
It all ends here.
With me.
Ma'am, wait!
Please, no! Stop!
No!
Thank you.
It's a pleasure to be here
with you all,
celebrating the ten-year
anniversary of UnlockYourPast.
Beef carpaccio?
Mm-mm.
We hit this milestone
because people yearn
for connection.
For a sense of family.
A sense of belonging.
Beef carpaccio?
And for the sense
of purpose that comes
from knowing who you are.
We should do it.
I want you to ask yourself:
"Who am I?"
Beef carpaccio?
Shh.
And "What is my true purpose?"
Beef fucking carpaccio.
Ugh. What a creep.
You gonna call him?
No, gross.
If you not gonna call him,
maybe I will.
Evie, don't judge.
You know how hard it is
out here.
Can you imagine being that rich?
Just walking around
like you own people.
Girl, he probably does
own people.
Wanted to add you to the roster.
So I got a boob graze
and a butt grab tonight.
How about you?
Dos to the tetas.
Mm. Frisky.
Want me to call HR for you?
Oh, hey, Tony.
We were just messing around.
Just jokes.
You know there are
plenty of other girls who would
be grateful for this gig.
What an asshat.
I did grab us a swag bag.
This one's got
little bottles of wine in them.
My favorite.
Mm-hm.
And there's a DNA test
in there too.
I gotta run.
Got my midterm tomorrow.
You're gonna crush it.
I know. See you later.
Does it show on my face?
'Cause I'm holding
Everything
Excuse me.
Mm-mm-mm-mm
Life plays back
In my mind
Some scenes
They kinda sting
And stay
Put it all
In a hot air balloon
Cut the strings
And it's straight to the moon
This is not what I wanted
But my head's downhearted
I had a talk
With my inner child
She is caught
Between gentle and wild
Hi, Evie, love. It's Mom.
Happy birthday.
You are such an amazingly
talented artist.
And I know you have big,
big things ahead of you.
I'm so proud of you.
And your dad would be too.
And I know you're worried
about being alone,
but I'll always be with you.
Just know that
when things are hard,
you're stronger
than you think you are.
I love you to the moon and back.
Love you too, Mom.
Okay, bye-bye, sweetie.
This is not what I wanted
But I get downhearted
WOMAN Unlocking your family
history is as easy as DNA.
Collect your sample, seal it,
and mail it back to us.
You'll get an e-mail
when your results are ready.
And don't forget to tick the box
to notify
your newfound relatives.
Did you ever go out on a date
with that bartender guy?
Ugh. I'm ignoring his texts.
Why?
You said you liked him.
Ah...
I can't handle the New York
dating scene right now.
It is exhausting.
No way.
What?
I got a cousin.
Holy shit.
That is the whitest man
I've ever seen.
He wants to meet up.
A stranger? Off the Internet?
Mm-mm. You're not doing that.
He's family,
and I don't have any.
So you wanna be catfished?
Oh, interesting.
He's wearing an ascot.
What could he want
with my broke ass?
Your kidneys.
That's probably
exactly what this site is.
Tinder for unassuming
organ donors.
Says right there in the corner.
And he's British.
They're all absurdly polite.
Because they're racked
with colonial guilt.
Doesn't mean you need to
mistake that for good manners.
I'm sorry, whose last, wait,
three boyfriends were white?
Mm-mm.
We are unpacking that
in therapy.
Don't do me like that.
Look, all I'm saying is,
leopards don't usually
change their spots.
Cousin Oliver.
Oliver.
Evelyn.
Hi. Please, have a seat.
You can just call me Evie.
Cousin Evie.
It sounds so Jane Austen
when you say it like that.
So, um, you're in town for work?
Yeah, family business.
Real estate.
La, la, la.
Sounds, uh, exciting.
Not in the slightest.
Okay, tell me
everything about yourself.
Work, relationship status.
I want to know it all.
Well, I am trying
to get my MFA, uh,
but I'm mostly just
freelancing right now.
Catering, really.
Hm.
And I am very much single.
Oh, God, me too. Painfully so.
What about your parents?
Are they in New York too?
My dad...
My dad died when I was 14,
and my mom passed
just a few months ago, actually.
I'm so sorry.
Thanks, um...
You know, she was sick
for a while. Cancer.
But she always wanted
to take me to England,
so we could learn
about our family history.
So...
Yes.
Well, it's quite fascinating,
actually.
You're part
of the family scandal.
Just before her nuptials
in 1925,
your great-grandmother,
Emmaline,
had an illicit affair
with a footman.
A Black footman?
Well, evidently, yeah.
Wow. I imagine
that was quite the scandal.
She kept it a secret
from everyone,
including her future husband.
Quite the rebel,
your great-grandmother.
So, what happened
to my grandfather?
The baby.
Turns out the footman
left the village
and raised the baby,
your grandfather, on his own.
Scandals aren't
what they used to be.
Everyone is utterly
overjoyed by the news.
Everyone?
I can't keep secrets.
The whole Alexander family
knows about you.
Great-Uncle Alfred,
Uncle Julius,
my three brothers,
all the cousins.
There's a wedding coming up.
My...
Our cousin Martin is getting
married in a few weeks.
Huge celebration in the English
countryside, really posh.
That's him and his fiance,
Cecile.
She's one of the De Villes.
Trs rich. It'll be
the wedding of the century.
You know what? You should come.
What?
To the wedding. You should come.
Uh...
I'd love to, but I cannot
afford a trip right now.
Don't be silly. Our treat.
I've got so many
frequent-flier miles.
You'd be doing me a favor.
Oliver, really, thank you,
but that is too much to ask.
Great-Uncle Alfred
is dying to meet you.
Literally.
He's 89 and quite frail.
He'd love for us all
to be together.
It's a brilliant idea.
I just...
Are you serious?
I can't imagine
what you've gone through
after losing your mother.
It's tragic,
but you still have family.
You could fulfill
your mother's wish
by taking the trip
she always wanted.
Worst-case scenario,
it's an all-expenses-paid trip
to Whitby, Yorkshire.
You just have to tolerate
my terrible sense of humor
for a few days.
Come on, say yes.
Hey, girl.
How's the motherland?
You know, it feels good.
I'm excited to meet my family.
Oh, I'm excited for you.
Now, what are the three rules?
Uh... Eat, pray, love?
Girl, if you wind up
dead in a ditch,
I'm telling you,
I'm not helping.
Okay, okay. Send you a picture
of the license plate.
Text you when I go to sleep.
And...
And don't trust...
Don't trust men with goatees.
men with goatees.
No.
There you go.
I'm at Arrivals.
I'll call you later.
If you see Idris Elba,
say hi to him for me.
All right, bye.
Evie.
You made it.
Hi.
How was the flight?
Uh...
You've ruined coach forever.
My pleasure.
Ready for an adventure?
I guess.
Come on, let's go.
- So who lives here again?
- The De Ville family.
But our family will be staying
the weekend for the festivities.
Holy shit.
Are they royalty or something?
No, it's just old money.
England's full of it.
Right this way. There you are.
Watch your step.
There you go.
All right.
You definitely must be
on your best behavior.
Welcome to New Carfax Abbey.
Wow, it's...
incredible.
Let me go find our host.
All right, text a photo
of the license...
Oh, shit.
I am so sorry.
No, miss, we're sorry.
Very sorry.
Oh, please, miss,
we'll clean this up.
It's okay. If we don't help
each other out, who will, right?
I'm Evie, by the way.
I'm Diya.
Or Dee is fine too.
I'm Imogen.
And what has happened here?
Oh, hi. Uh, it was me. I...
Clean it up immediately. We have
important guests arriving.
Yes, sir, of course.
It was really my fault.
I don't care whose fault it was.
Just get rid of it.
There's no need
to be snarky about it.
I beg your pardon?
Did I stutter?
At ease, Mr. Field.
I believe this is
one of our important guests.
And that makes a difference?
My sincerest apologies, ma'am.
Sir.
Thank you, ladies.
Sorry about that.
He can be quite demanding.
More like an asshole.
Oh, so you must be Evelyn.
Evie. And you are?
Walter.
You beat me to the punch.
You've been introduced?
Yeah.
Uh, no.
Well, not formally.
This is my cousin who I was
telling you about,
Evie Alexander.
It's Jackson, really.
Evie, this is the lord
of the manor, Walter De Ville.
You can just call me Walt.
Oh, uh...
Hi, Walt. Um...
Hi.
Yeah, so...
I was the one who ran into them
and the glasses.
So, yeah, it really
wasn't their fault.
Okay, so you're the klutz.
Got it.
Is this a gift
for the happy couple?
Uh, yeah.
May I?
Oh, yeah.
I made it.
Wow.
It's very impressive.
Sir?
Hm?
The grounds are ready
for inspection.
Ah. Well, excuse me.
I hope you enjoy
your time at New Carfax, Evie.
Oh, and thank you
for letting me stay.
Your, uh...
m-mansion, it's beautiful.
My home is your home.
Well, that was only
mildly awkward.
I'm sure he got a kick
out of it.
Sir, may I escort the lady
to her bedroom?
Evie, this is Mr. Field,
head butler here at New Carfax.
Yeah, we met.
I got it.
Have fun.
You're most welcome to venture
anywhere within the estate.
Except the library.
We're renovating.
Are these all real?
I can assure you
everything is authentic, ma'am.
The master is a great supporter
of the arts.
Allow me to introduce you
to your lady's maid,
Mrs. Swift.
I get a maid?
Of course.
Hi, I'm Evie.
Welcome, miss.
Right this way.
This is my room?
Is it to your liking, miss?
Uh...
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
That is something.
A gift from the maids of honor.
There's more than one?
Yes, it's a De Ville tradition.
The mirror broke last week,
but we've ordered a new one.
Isn't that seven years bad luck?
What's with the bars?
The shrikes are quite
aggressive this time of year.
Shrikes?
Local carnivorous birds, miss.
They exhibit
a peculiar strain of brutality.
They impale their prey
on thorns.
Legend has it one
plucked out a stable boy's eye
and stuck it on a fence spike.
Gave the maids quite a fright.
Holy shit.
Miss?
Yeah?
This is the service bell.
Just pull it
if you need assistance.
Yes, like that.
Please, don't.
Sorry.
Who's that?
A former lady of the house.
Well, she looks thrilled
to be here.
She was a woman of great depth.
She passed away recently.
Oh.
I'm so sorry.
I know the pain
of losing someone
never really quite leaves you.
Is there anything else
you'll be needing, miss?
No.
I promise, I'll be
your easiest customer yet.
Thank you, miss.
GRACE Is that a four-poster bed?
G, this place is insane.
They got drawing rooms
and service bells.
All right.
Well, don't get lured in.
Next thing you know, you'll be
posing for nude portraits.
Oh. And I made a total ass
of myself
with the "lord of the manor."
Did you overdo it
on the bubbly again?
Maybe. But in my defense,
his butler was being
an entitled douchebag,
and then the lord swooped in
and saved the day.
Did I mention he's hot?
Wait. The butler or the lord?
The lord, Walt.
And you'd think he'd be
like 100 years old,
but he's our age.
Hold up.
Hang on a sec.
Oh.
Hi.
Hi, Walt.
Sorry to bother you so late.
I saw the light on
under your door.
What's up?
I just wanted
to apologize again.
Our butler,
he's a bit old-fashioned.
I hope you weren't offended.
Um...
I was, actually.
Oh. Um...
I am sorry.
I'm sorry. I'll...
I'll talk to him.
Is there any chance we can
erase the memory and start over?
I don't know if that's possible,
but you could maybe make
a better second impression.
Right, okay.
And how am I doing with that?
Solid seven and a half.
Maybe-maybe an eight.
Okay, well,
that's a start at least.
I trust your accommodation
meets your high standards?
I mean, I can live with this.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Thank you for tolerating it.
Thank you for apologizing.
I am gonna let you
get some rest.
I'm glad that you decided
to make the trip over.
I'm looking forward
to getting to know you better.
Me too.
Good night, Evie.
Night, Walt.
Mmm!
Shh.
I do believe our Miss Evelyn
is gonna get some
destination-wedding D.
Stop, all right?
He is just being a good host.
Are you seriously gonna deny
that accent?
What happened to
"don't trust anyone"?
Anyone with goatees.
He's a lord.
And you and I both know
it's been a minute
since you had some.
Okay, I'm gonna go for a jog.
You better snog him.
ends here.
It all ends here.
With me.
VOICE Evie.
We must wait here
for your assignment, ladies.
Should be any moment now.
Jesus, you scared me.
Miss, you should return
to your room.
It's not safe in the dark.
I just wanted some water.
Two.
You're to clean the library.
The rest of you
return to your quarters.
Yes, sir.
What are they doing down there?
Final cleaning rounds, miss.
Please, go back to bed.
I'll make you a chamomile tea
to help with the jet lag.
Come on now.
Never take it easy
On the PDA
I don't miss you
At least not that way
But someone better
Want me like that someday
I had my hesitation
You're breaking all the rules
Down Electric Avenue
Oh-oh
I never seem to...
Hello?
Just like a dream
To me, dear, you seem
Like a dream
Of so long, long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago... Long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago...
Long ago...
Long a...
Excuse me, miss.
I believe your family reunion
is starting.
Oh, shit.
There she is.
Hi. I'm so sorry. I overslept.
"Party late, sleep late," I say.
I'm your Uncle Julius.
And, you know, we're all
so delighted that you're here.
I'm delighted too.
A toast.
Great-Uncle Alfred, patriarch.
Just wanted to take this moment
to welcome Evelyn to the family.
I was overjoyed when Oliver
told me of your existence.
What a gift!
We are so blessed.
It truly means more to me...
to us...
than you can ever know.
So many boys...
we thought we were done for.
Oh, uh...
My turn? Um...
Um...
All right, first I'd like
to thank Oliver.
You sure know
how to spoil a girl.
And I'd like to thank
all of you...
for welcoming me with open arms.
It was always just my mom,
my dad and me.
Now, um...
to learn I have
this whole new family...
Well, it's, um...
It's like a dream, so...
To Evie.
To Evie.
To Evie.
Oh, thanks.
It's Dee, right?
A certain Mr. De Ville
was inquiring
about your whereabouts.
Really?
He seems to be quite
charmed by you. Mm.
I mean, can you blame him?
Absolutely not.
So, Walt, um...
Mr. De Ville. Uh...
We're not related, right?
Not in the slightest.
Yeah, okay.
I was, you know, just...
making sure.
You.
Follow me.
The master of the house has
requested the 1897 Vino Cruor.
You need both of us
to go get it?
You have a propensity
to break things.
What's his problem?
Let's just find it
and get out of here.
Okay.
Shit.
Here.
Thanks.
Your face.
Stop messing about.
I said, quit...
Over here!
It's stuck at the back.
Hey.
Dee, what's wrong?
Dee.
Behind you.
Dee.
So how's the fam?
Very white.
Oh, so you fit right in?
Ha, ha.
Actually,
they were really sweet.
Great-Uncle Alfred
even shed a tear.
That is so cute.
I love when old men cry.
Did you flirt with the lord
of the manor today?
Not yet. But he gave me
this dress to wear tonight.
Wow! Evie,
that's quite the gesture.
I know. I wonder what he expects
in return.
You know what they say.
"When a man
buys you a dress..."
What do they say?
Oh! What happened?
Are you okay?
Evie? Hello?
Yeah, I-I'm fine. Uh...
It was just a shrike.
What the fuck is a shrike?
Evie.
Announcing...
Miss Evelyn Alexander.
I was not expecting that.
You look divine.
Own it. You're an Alexander now,
remember?
That seems to be official, huh?
Would you like some champagne?
Thank you.
Beef carpaccio, miss?
Oh, God, no.
Thank you though.
- That dress is gorgeous.
- Thank you. It was a gift.
Announcing...
Cheers.
The maids of honor:
Viktoria Klopstock
and Lucy Billington.
Wow. They're popular.
We finally meet.
You must be Evie.
Yeah, hi.
You're American.
I was expecting something else.
Well, this is what you get.
What were your names again?
I'm Lucy, and this is...
Viktoria.
We just wanted to extend
a warm welcome.
So thrilled to have you join us.
Stop trying so hard.
Thank you, Lucy.
I'm equally thrilled to be here.
You're very pretty.
Thank you.
So are you.
Oliver has told us
so much about you.
Don't believe a word.
He has a penchant for flattery.
So how do you know Cecile?
The bride.
Oh. Heh. Uh...
Cece, we have known her
for years.
All of our families have served
the De Villes for generations.
My family, the Billingtons,
handle their legal affairs.
The Klopstocks
manage their finances.
And as I'm sure you know,
the Alexanders find them
these incredible homes.
Your life in New York,
it sounds terribly humdrum.
How fortunate that your cousin
plucked you out of thin air
and brought you here to us.
I'm gonna get a refill.
It was nice to meet you, Lucy.
Champagne, please.
I've always wanted
to visit New York.
I'll take the rouge priv.
It's only a hop over the pond.
Yes, I don't travel much,
I'm afraid.
Well, you should.
I'll show you around.
You would?
Of course.
I'll take you
to the secret spots.
I-I would love that.
That would be unbelievable.
Thank you, in advance.
You're welcome, in advance.
The Lord of New Carfax Abbey,
Walter De Ville.
Wait. What are you doing?
It's customary
that I have the first dance.
I don't know any dances.
It's fine.
Just follow my lead.
Oh, my God.
Get out of your head.
Ready?
No.
Two, three, one, two, three...
Oh, no. Ahem.
Are you enjoying yourself?
I am.
But I can't shake the feeling
that everyone is staring at me.
Can you blame them?
Don't gloat.
You must admit, she has
a certain je ne sais quoi.
Yes, her accent gets
right into the inner ear canal.
You even make jealousy
look radiant, Viktoria.
I suppose congratulations
are in order.
A female Alexander.
And here I thought
you were all dried up.
Do you want to get out of here?
Don't you have to host
your party?
Yeah.
There's too many sycophants.
I prefer real conversation.
Got it.
There you are.
Thank you.
So do you ever get bored here?
Yeah, more often
than you'd think.
Ugh. I just don't see
how that's physically possible.
Well, even a life of indulgence
has its drawbacks.
Are there wolves in England?
Americans. Wolves?
We've not had wolves
in over 400 years.
Knowledge or nudity? Mm.
What's it gonna be, Eve?
This is 17th century?
Well done. 1632.
It's beautiful.
Hm.
And what's that building?
The icehouse.
From a bygone era.
Before refrigeration.
But I have something better
to show you.
Is this yours?
Mm-hm.
But sadly,
not all of us have talent.
Want to give it a spin?
In this dress?
It's fine.
I'll just buy you a new one.
Sorry, I know how that sounded.
It's okay, I get it.
You're Rockefeller rich
or whatever.
It's fine.
So, what drew you to pottery?
Ceramics.
Apologies. Ceramics.
My mom.
It was one of her hobbies.
When I was a kid, she taught me
how to make bowls and mugs,
goofy clay sculptures.
It must have moved her to know
you grew up to be an artist.
I'd use the term
"artist" loosely.
But, yeah, I think it did.
Now that she's gone,
it keeps me close to her.
What about your parents?
Uh, they are...
They're no longer with us.
It was a...
It was a long, long time ago.
Look at us.
Couple of orphans.
Dickens would have a field day.
I'm not the type
that he writes about.
Oh, why's that?
I have zero redeeming qualities.
Stop playing a type.
What type? What type is that?
A mysterious, self-deprecating,
"Oh, I can't help it,
I have so much money" bad guy.
It's a front. I can tell.
Yeah? How can you tell?
Well, for one, you didn't blow
your whole inheritance on blow.
Quite the achievement.
Yeah, you'd be surprised.
And you went out of your way
to apologize to me.
That's redeeming.
I did that 'cause I'm trying
to impress you.
Anyway, are you showing me all
this just to torture me, or...?
Ah, yes. No, what do you mean?
I just...
I can't imagine what it's like
to wake up and have all this
at your fingertips
every single day.
Well, maybe you should
imagine it.
When are you going to stop
saying things like that?
When are you going to kiss me?
What makes you think
I wanna kiss you?
Well, now it's clich.
Mm.
Would you like me
to turn them off?
Thank you for coming.
Thank you.
Did your girl
turn into a pumpkin?
She's recovering from jet lag.
Looked like you were
enjoying yourself.
She's quite refreshing.
All sparkly and new?
Play nice.
Always.
I mean it.
Evie.
Hey, it's me. It's me, okay?
There's something in here.
What?
There.
Where?
There's nothing here.
No, but...
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
It's okay.
It's fine, you're safe.
Look at me. Hey, you're safe.
Yeah.
Come here.
You don't have to do that.
I made the mess.
It's my job, miss.
Can't have your room
in this state.
Oh, damn it. Sorry.
Never mind that.
I feel like I'm going crazy.
Thank you, Mrs. Swift.
Thank you.
I'll see it from here.
Yes, sir.
How are you feeling?
Like a fool.
Don't.
Okay? It's a new environment.
It takes time to adjust.
If you like, I could stay
with you till you fall asleep.
I... Yeah, that would be nice.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Do you have a preference?
For what?
Side of the bed.
I've kind of been sprawling.
Oh.
Just everywhere.
Yeah, no.
I mean, whatever works.
Okay. Um...
Let's...
Okay.
Talk to me.
It'll help me fall asleep.
There is actually something
I am curious about.
But I don't quite know
how to ask it.
Oh?
Yeah, it's a little forward.
Well, you are lying in my bed,
so...
I'm wondering, what is it
that you want with your life?
Oh, wow.
We're going there.
Oh, yeah.
I never mastered small talk.
I've noticed.
Okay, so I'm tempted to say
I wanna be a working artist.
Say something important.
And all that.
But truthfully,
I've been treading water.
Barely scraping by.
I wanna live life fully.
You know?
Throw caution to the wind.
That's what I really want.
Great answer.
And what about you?
What do you want for your life?
I think about this quite a lot.
I can tell.
I have a great life,
and I know that.
But you know what?
Having all the money
in the world, it means nothing.
You know that's something
only rich people say, right?
I know.
I just...
I just want to share all this.
Someone to enjoy it with.
I'm tired of the facade
and constantly keeping up
appearances.
Yes, it's a grand life, but...
it's isolating.
I want someone to see me
for who I truly am.
Doesn't try and change me
into an idea or into a concept.
Or an itch
that they need to scratch.
Someone that accepts me.
Hello, sleepy head.
What time is it?
It is time for our spa day.
We've arranged a day
of pampering
for ladies of the bridal party.
We heard you had quite
the evening.
Oh, yes.
Don't worry about that.
Took me a while to get used
to this rickety,
old place myself.
You can leave that thing here.
There's no service
where we're going.
Come on.
All right.
Spa day.
This is Evie.
Sit, relax.
Hello.
So I'm excited to finally meet
the bride and groom tonight.
Oh, yes, they really are
the perfect match.
Would you like
to get married one day?
Oh, God.
I don't know.
Uh, I feel so young.
But what if you met
the right person?
Age is but a number.
Mm, maybe one day.
But I like my independence.
I see.
Do you have any siblings?
No, one was enough
for my parents.
And they probably would've
requested a refund
if they could.
No, I very much doubt that.
It was a joke.
Oh.
Right, of course.
Well, I have older brothers,
but, um...
always wanted a sister.
Do leave the poor girl alone,
Lucy.
You're like a little Pomeranian.
Yap, yap.
I always wanted a sister too.
You and Walter seem
to be getting close, Evie.
We're just getting to know
one another.
You don't have to play coy
with me, honey.
I am curious though.
What has he told you about us?
Nothing much.
But I'm sure he will tell me
if there is something
worth telling.
I'm sure he'll fill you in
at the right time.
How well can you know someone
if you don't know their past?
I think you should
take people as they are,
you know?
People change.
No point digging up skeletons.
I call bullshit.
Nobody has that much virtue.
Given the opportunity,
we'd all snoop.
Read their diaries,
texts, e-mails.
Can't help it.
It's in our nature.
I guess we'll just have to agree
to disagree.
So you're not even
a teeny bit curious
what he gets up to
behind those locked doors?
What is your problem?
Ow!
I'm sorry, miss.
I'm so sorry.
No, it's okay, honestly.
Oh, Evie, you're bleeding.
I'm fine. It's nothing.
You poor thing.
Let me see.
What the fuck?
Oh, my God.
Evie, I'll come with you.
It's okay. I'll see you later.
Just teasing you, baby doll.
Lighten up.
You'll learn to love me.
Promise.
Shit.
Evie?
You okay?
I'm leaving.
Why? Did Viktoria
say something?
I do not care about Viktoria.
Hey, hey.
Okay, look, I can explain this.
What, that you were stalking me?
Mm, that's a bit of a stretch.
You have a file on your desk
with my name on it.
If you let me explain...
I knew this was
too good to be true.
Here's the evidence.
Evidence of what?
You said
you wanted to get to know me,
but it's all here
in black and white.
My mom's name, where I grew up,
my school. You knew everything.
Let's not jump to conclusions.
Do you vet everyone
who comes here,
or is that reserved
for people like me?
That's nothing to do with it.
Smart thinking, getting
my criminal record checked.
By the way, I had my tonsils
removed when I was 13 years old.
Might wanna add that
to your little dossier.
You're being obstinate.
You're being arrogant.
You don't know what it's like
to have people use you
and take advantage of you
all the time.
Really? I don't know
what that's like?
I wanted to know
a few things about you
before I let you sleep
under my roof.
Would you not have done
the same?
When Oliver asked if he could
invite his long-lost cousin
to the wedding,
I asked if he could send
some information over on you
to make sure that you weren't
an opportunist.
It wouldn't be the first time.
I despise technology,
and he knows that,
so he printed out
a few pages for me.
That is the extent of it.
I do want to get to know you.
The real you, not some bullet
points on a piece of paper.
And, yes, I would be lying
if I said I wasn't intrigued
by what I saw.
I am guilty of that.
You should've just asked me.
I know, and I'm sorry.
And I made a mistake.
It's just, I'm not...
I'm not used to this.
And I wasn't expecting you
to be you.
I didn't expect you either.
Did we just have
our first fight?
Don't be charming.
Do you think you're the only one
scared of getting hurt?
Please, nothing frightens you.
Oh, yeah?
When I saw you packing
your things, that scared me.
Please, don't run away.
Okay.
No more secrets.
We should get ready
for the rehearsal dinner.
It's that time already?
Mm-hm. I'm afraid so.
Well, I can't wait to see
the wedding of the century.
We should make it
a double wedding.
Very funny.
Why not?
Why not have a shotgun wedding?
Yeah.
Oh, God.
I mean, our families are here.
All the arrangements
have been made.
You are high on sex.
We should live in the moment.
Throw caution to the wind.
Okay, fine. I accept.
I have left you a dress
in the wardrobe,
in case you need
something to wear.
Ugh. More gifts?
Mm-hm.
Walt.
You know I was joking, right?
Ah, there she is!
Darling, please, sit down.
The festivities
are about to start.
Okay.
Someone surely does
look the part.
My dear friends.
My comrades.
I would like to formally welcome
the three great families
to New Carfax.
The Billingtons of Whitby.
Klopstocks, Budapest.
And the Alexanders of London.
Let the feast begin.
Hear, hear.
You are a vision.
So that was intense.
You know the English
and their traditions.
I'm so glad that we can finally
be honest with each other.
Me too.
So where are
the bride and groom?
Mm!
If you'll all indulge me
for one more moment.
Our four families have served
each other for generations.
But as you all know,
there has been someone
missing from this table,
someone vital to our alliance.
And we've all felt
the strain of this imbalance.
But tonight, that once-broken
bond will be renewed,
refortified...
when Evelyn Alexander and I
are wed.
Congratulations!
What are you doing? Walt.
Refreshments, please.
Walt, Walt.
Oh, finally.
I was getting obscenely bored.
My lord.
For as long
as I care to remember,
you lovely mortals
have provided me
with the gift of wives.
Three brides.
Three. The magic number.
And in return, you and your
families enjoyed safety
and prosperity,
for generations.
We are at our strongest
when there are three.
We can thrive
when there are three.
When Emmaline,
my Alexander bride,
chose to leave us,
our union was compromised.
Emmaline, my Alexander bride.
In 1925, your great-grandmother,
Emmaline...
Your great-grandmother...
Who's that?
Former lady of the house.
She passed away recently.
Tonight, we celebrate
our eternal bond,
the pact that your ancestors
made many, many moons ago.
Charge your glasses.
To Evie.
My new bride.
To Evie.
You have brought new life...
to these four walls.
Maybe even enough to make
this old heart beat again.
May the bridemaidens rejoice.
The bridemaidens rejoice.
I believe congratulations
are in order, dear cousin.
I have to go.
I have to...
Please, let me go.
I'm begging you, please.
Evie.
My love, whatever is the matter?
Hm?
I want to go home.
But this is your home.
We are your family.
Evie, I thought we agreed that
we were done with this charade.
Hm?
Secrets.
We are now free
to be our true selves.
No?
Why are you all
just sitting there?
Do something. Help me.
You're all monsters. All of you!
Miss.
You're sick!
Don't take her words to heart.
You know how difficult
brides can be.
Help!
Help me.
You're embarrassing me.
Hey.
Hey, shh.
Hey, hey. Hey, it's me.
No.
Get her prepared.
Tonight is yours.
Tomorrow is mine.
Welcome our new bride
to the family.
Eat. Come on, eat.
Welcome to your bachelorette
party, Evie.
Hey, no, no, no.
Don't cry.
We'll soon be just like sisters.
Three perfect little dolls
for the master.
Please, let me go.
Enough already.
Even your great-grandmother
wasn't this difficult.
Till she refused
to feed on the help.
Truly selfish act.
She put us all in jeopardy.
Emmaline was lovely.
And we were such great friends.
She just...
Well, she became confused.
But you...
You won't let us down
like she did, will you, Evie?
That thing...
in my room, that was you?
Apologies.
I was in a playful mood.
Why?
Why are you doing this to me?
For your blood, of course.
Our bloodlines are rare.
They're special.
And the combination of them
makes the four of us
all-powerful.
Immune to the effects of time.
Look, we were both once
in the exact
same position as you are, Evie.
Though choices were limited
for women back then.
Viktoria has been with him
for 500 years.
Me, only a hundred.
At the ceremony,
you'll be bound to the master.
And to us.
But to make the bond permanent,
you must first consume
his blood.
When you drink,
you will absorb his power.
You will gain the strength
of a hundred men.
But only after the master
drinks your blood
will we all be granted
eternal life.
You'll enjoy your powers
for as long as he lives.
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, don't! Don't.
You like this one?
Dee.
Clean this one up.
Hold it for the ceremony.
The new mistress
has taken a shine to it.
Look, Evie.
Your new home.
Please, don't put me in there.
No, no, no. Don't worry.
You can still be outside
during the day.
There are so many
misconceptions about our kind.
Please.
Say good night.
No. No! No, stop!
Help!
No, no.
No! Stop!
No, don't leave me in here.
No!
No!
No, help.
Help!
Shit.
Quickly now.
You have to be quiet.
Wait.
Diya.
You'll have to send help.
Why are you helping me?
Your great-grandmother
was a dear friend.
She held out
as long as she could,
for everyone's sake.
But in the end,
being married to a monster
was too much to bear.
Move quickly.
If you see one, a stake,
beheading or fire
are the only ways to kill them.
Don't stop running till you're
on a plane out of England.
What'll happen to you?
I'll get what I deserve.
Go, go, go.
Let's go! Lock those doors!
Move, move!
You men, over there!
Right.
Scour the grounds.
She won't get far.
Sir.
We will hunt you down!
Help me. Help me, please.
I'm sorry,
we don't have any money.
Please.
They're coming for me, please.
De Ville.
Jonathan,
there's a girl out here.
Here, dear.
You're shaking.
Chamomile. Soothes the soul.
Yes, hello.
Mr. Harker here.
Yeah, there's a young lady here
who seems quite distressed.
Yes.
I can't quite hear them, dear.
Could you try?
Hello, this is Mina Harker.
Yeah, well, the girl says she,
well, escaped from New Carfax.
Well, I know.
It's terribly alarming, yeah.
Oh, yes, I know.
I've just made her a cup of tea.
Have a sip, my dear.
It's good for the nerves.
Yes, of course.
Oh, it's our honor, really.
They're on their way.
You really should
drink your tea.
Don't fuck this up
for all of us, my dear.
It was a gallant attempt.
I'll give you that.
I trust you have it
out of your system now.
Who are you?
Mm...
In the old country, they called
my kind strigoi or nosferatu.
And in Wallachia, they called me
Son of the Dragon.
A sobriquet I rather enjoy.
Are you telling me you're...?
Evie, Evie, Evie. Think about
what you're gaining here.
Wealth, power.
Great strength, life eternal.
No more sickness,
like your mother had.
No struggle. No longer confined
by the frailty
of human existence.
A life of privilege.
A sense of belonging.
And a family
entirely dedicated to you.
Isn't that why you came here?
Isn't that what you want?
Hmm?
For someone of your...
mm...
background,
surely this is more than
a leg up.
It would make your life
so much easier...
if you came willingly.
Regardless, you have
no say in the matter.
You already agreed
to my proposal.
You tricked me.
Fortunately for me,
the fine print's irrelevant.
Excuse me.
Mmm!
The fibula is so underrated,
in my opinion.
Stop smiling.
I'm so glad you've come
to your senses, my love.
We are gathered here
this evening
to sanctify the union
between our benevolent master
and his new bride
from the Alexander bloodline.
Long may they flourish.
May the bridemaidens rejoice.
Master.
Do you take this woman
to be your bride?
I do.
And do you, Evelyn Alexander,
take the master to love, honor,
serve, and obey, for all
the days of your eternal life?
It all ends here.
With me.
Just know
that when things are hard,
you're stronger
than you think you are.
You will absorb his power.
absorb his power.
Yes.
May you now exchange blood.
Slow down, dear.
There's plenty more to come.
I want her next.
No!
No.
No, no, no.
Evie, please, Evie...
No.
You think you can change
thousands of years,
just like that?
I killed him. It's over.
You silly girl.
It was just a flesh wound.
If he were dead,
I wouldn't be able to do this.
No. Diya, go get help.
You're pathetic.
You're not one of us.
You're a halfling.
That all you got?
You're nothing.
What do you think you're doing?
It's enough, Viktoria. Please.
You get back in line.
No.
No?
No.
You don't tell me
what to do anymore.
I told Master
that you were subpar
the moment he mentioned you.
That you were so beneath
our standards.
I should have slit that baby's
throat, your grandfather,
when I had the chance.
I am going to enjoy
cutting your head off
and feeding it
to the fucking wolves!
Asshole.
I was doing you a favor.
Saving you from your miserable
excuse for existence.
Giving you a family.
Status, privilege.
All the power in the world.
I would rather die
than be a part of this.
You modern women
are so ungrateful.
All those women.
You're a monster.
I am a god!
I hope you all burn.
You...
Hey, it's me.
We've paid off the cops.
It's bought us some time.
We have to destroy the evidence
and get the fuck out of town.
Don't worry, she's mortal.
She doesn't have any powers.
All right, all right.
I'll get back to you.
Still the whitest man
I've ever seen.
Mm-hm.
I gotta say,
I'm loving
this whole look on you.
Well, thank you.
Mm-hm.
Out with the old,
in with the new.
You know the plan?
Yep, we go in there
and take him the F out.
Exactly.
But let me take the lead.
Mm-hm.
Don't wanna be relegated
to the sidekick?
Please, I have always been
your sidekick.
All right, sis. Ready?
For you? Always.
Wait, where did you get a bat?
It's ironic, right?
Bat, vampire.
Come on, E, that's good.
Ay, Mr. Badman
Gimme that crown
Ay, Mr. Badman
Gimme that crown
I'm the king and queen
And I don't quit
Turn to fool if you comin'
In that big whip
Got the cuties in the coupe
And we do not slip
Believe me mi nuh big talk
Without a reason
Ay, Mr. Badman
Gimme that crown
Ay, Mr. Badman
Gimme that crown
And we be sittin'
In the two seat
Got the lights
Engine runnin'
Oh, baby, you like that?
Psycho girl
That you're gunnin'
If I'm gonna do that
I'mma do it like it's nothin'
I don't see no custom
Ay, Mr. Badman
Gimme that crown
Bod gyal ah come see
Dem all a drop, run run
Ay, Mr. Badman
Gimme that crown
Bod gyal ah come see
Dem all a drop, run run