Cop and a Half: New Recruit (2017) Movie Script
(SIRENS BLARING)
KARINA: As any officer knows,
the key to good police work
is knowing your beat.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
I work the mean streets
of Darville Middle School.
It might look like a harmless mix
of acne and mind-numbing textbooks,
but to my highly-trained eyes,
this is a hub of nefarious activity,
and it must be patrolled.
Today's case involves a cyber-bully,
screen name "Gewelz,"
who's been making
not-so-nice comments on social media pages.
I have a pretty good idea who it is,
but I still need to prove it.
Buenos nachos, Mr. Alverez.
Just studying our Spanish.
Vaya con burritos.
(GROANS)
Got the suspect in sight.
Pretending to be studying. Over.
Look at this girl.
Is that a pimple or a volcano?
(ALL LAUGHING)
(SIGHS) Classic line. Gotta post it.
Suspect is about to commit the crime.
As soon as the post is complete,
I'll make the bust.
-Over.
-(SIGHS)
We're on the phone, K.
You don't have to keep saying "over."
"Is that a pimple or a..."
How do you spell "volcano"?
Gotcha.
Cyber-bullying is a crime, and you're busted.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I think you do, Gewelz with a "G."
-(GASPS)
-Yeah, well, your screen name should be
"New Girl Who Everybody Thinks
is a Total Weirdo."
(GIGGLES)
You really took me down.
I don't know how I'm coming back from that.
I mean, I guess I could just...
(CHIMES)
...delete your account.
Two thousand pictures,
and, not surprisingly, all of them of you.
Poof! Gone.
You hacked me?
I wouldn't really call it a hack.
I mean, "Farrah1!" as your password?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
Before you do whatever you're about to do,
let me just say two words.
Look out!
(GASPS THEN SIGHS IN RELIEF)
Nice try.
-(GASPS)
-BOY: Sorry, Farrah.
That was lucky.
You're so over!
Excuse me! Pardon! On your left!
(YELLS)
KARINA: I knew there would be danger.
But there's nothing sweeter
than serving up justice in an unjust world.
My name is Karina Foley.
(BRAKES SQUEALING)
(CRASHING)
(GROANS)
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
KARINA: And I'm a cop.
You're not a cop!
You're a 12-year-old girl
with an overactive imagination
and 200 bucks in janitorial fees.
-Then why'd you make me hall monitor?
-I didn't!
You made that sash yourself!
Oh, really?
(CLICKS)
KARINA: Principal Miller,
can I be the hall monitor?
MILLER: Yeah, sure, whatever.
Now, run along, young man.
You recorded me?
I record everything. It's good technique.
Well, don't!
I hate the sound of my own voice.
I won't even make
the morning announcements
if I don't have my smooth-jazz modulator.
Today, the lunch special will be sloppy joes.
(ECHOING)
See?
Sir, if you would just
review the video evidence, everything...
You can review it yourself,
after school, in detention.
KARINA: Yup, it's a thankless job.
But there are bad people
out there doing bad things,
and somebody's gotta catch 'em.
(TIRES SCREECHES)
Very tight-lipped...
WOMAN: Police have now...
Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me.
What do we got?
Well, librarian showed up this morning,
saw the place was trashed,
heard some strange noises inside, called 911.
So, what are we doing out here?
Captain called the SWAT team.
They're on the way.
SWAT, for a library vandal?
She thinks this could be our guy.
The Badge Bandit?
It's the fifth city building
he's hit this month. Do the math.
He never even leaves a fingerprint.
This guy's a ghost.
He's a phantom. He's a zombie.
No, he can't be a zombie.
They got fingerprints.
Right.
That's some top-notch police work, O'Leary.
Well, if we have him trapped now,
why are we waiting?
We got it covered, Simmons.
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
Great. All we need.
(LOUD BANG)
You two wait out here.
-Uh, the Captain said...
-Hey!
It wasn't locked.
(SIRENS BLARING IN DISTANCE)
Captain Novack. Captain.
Can you explain to us
why someone would launch a crime spree
targeting municipal sites?
I mean, last week,
all the city's pools were filled with hot sauce,
and the week before that,
all the city's hot sauce packets
were filled with pool water.
Crime spree is a very strong phrase.
(SILLY STRINGS SHOOTS)
What the...
(VENT THUDS)
(READING)
"While you chase your tails,
I am laughing at you."
(TICKING)
(TICKING CONTINUES)
-(DINGS)
-Oh, no.
What we are dealing with here
is nothing more than a prankster,
someone who is being apprehended
as we speak
by one of the city's finest police officers.
(SIMMONS SCREAMS)
(CROWD GASPS)
(CAMERAS CLICKING)
(CROWD MURMURING)
For those of you who've missed
the many Channel 5 special reports,
we now have multiple crime scenes
at city-owned locations.
Garbage truck Jenga at City Sanitarium.
Toilet paper on the City Power Plant.
Upside-down furniture
at the City Driving Center.
And a polka-dot paint job
for the City Fire Hall.
No forced entry, no DNA,
no clues whatsoever.
Except that our perpetrator
likes to leave us one of these.
And a little poem mocking the police.
That's us.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
That'll suffice, Oliver.
Now we have a nutcase out there
who thinks that he is a comic book villain,
and we have to catch this
so-called "Badge Bandit"
before the Harvest Valley Festival
kicks off next week.
The last thing this city needs
is panic on the biggest weekend of the year.
Got it?
Dismissed.
You disobeyed a direct order
and went running into that scene
like a teen girl at a boy-band concert.
I was following my instincts.
Well, your instincts
don't exactly have a great track record.
Our suspect got away
and made us look like fools
in front of the press.
I can get this guy, Cap.
I want you to work the police-badge angle.
Somebody's mad at the system.
Go through all the convicts
that have been released from the local prison
over the last five years,
and see if anything sticks.
You've already got guys doing that.
And now I have one more.
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
"Leyden Industries."
KARINA: As the new kid in this jurisdiction,
I need to bring down a bigger offender
than Farrah to prove my merit.
But other than gum girl
breaking the laws of chewing,
I'm not gonna find any real action in here.
(SIGHS)
Wait a minute.
Maybe I spoke too soon.
(INHALES SHARPLY) Hmm.
Whoa. It's a stakeout.
(BELL RINGS)
See? He's still there.
-Who?
-Cop on a stakeout.
-How do you know?
-Bobby C,
if you want to be my deputy,
you're gonna have to brush up
on your law-enforcement instincts.
I don't want to be your deputy.
I get scared watching cop shows on TV.
-Let's check it out.
-Negative.
If it is a cop,
the last thing he wants is you sniffing around.
And if that isn't a cop,
then look at him.
That's one creepy-looking dude.
Anyway, I gotta get home.
My mom doesn't like me out after dark.
It's 4:00 in the afternoon.
Yeah. Cuttin' it close.
-Hi.
-Hey!
Ah!
May I be of assistance, Officer?
Move along, little girl,
and I would advise you
not to approach strangers in cars.
How's your back feeling?
Pretty stiff, I'd guess.
And you should really consider
upgrading your stakeout nutrition plan.
I mean, fast food
is the perfect recipe for constipation.
Listen, kid,
I'm not on a stakeout and I'm not a cop,
so get out of here
before I call the real ones on you.
Give me a break.
You're driving a Crown Vic with steelies.
You may as well have
a light bar and municipal plates.
Oh, real mature.
Whatcha casing?
Bet it's that building over there.
I pass it every day on my way to school,
and I always wondered about it.
I know you can hear me.
It's not like
that's bulletproof glass or anything.
Speaking of, are you wearing a vest?
Hard to tell. You may just be a little poochy.
Go get 'em, Officer.
Should I keep watch out here?
You should go home!
KARINA: Tell you what, I'll circle around back.
You take the entrance.
I've got your flank covered.
(READING)
-MATTHEWS: Move and you're dead!
-O'LEARY: Hands in the air!
MATTHEWS: How's he supposed
to put his hands in the air
when I told him not to move?
O'LEARY: Well, tell him you take it back.
What are you clowns doing here?
Simmons.
We got a call
about a homeless guy kicking in the door.
Do I look like a homeless guy?
"I now have the power." Power.
Who in this town has power?
A power lifter? Maybe a bodybuilder.
-MMA guy.
-Electrician, ranger.
A Power Ranger.
Yes.
(SIMMONS WHISTLES)
Hey, didn't the Captain
tell you to work from your desk?
What can I say?
I couldn't resist
seeing you two heroes in action.
(GLASS SHATTERS)
Hey, little guy.
Say "cheese."
Hey!
(STAMMERS) Wait.
Before you do whatever you're about to do,
let me just say two words.
Look out!
Smart tech.
(DRONE POWERS DOWN)
(SPUTTERING)
(SPUTTERING STOPS)
Now, that's what I'm talkin' about.
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
Official police business. Nothing to see here.
Weirdo.
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
You've had quite the day, Detective.
Would you like to tell me
what you were doing at that building?
Following a lead.
A lead which you didn't share
with anyone else.
And, as it turns out,
a lead that's gonna cost you
another front door.
I found a bunch of these.
Leyden Industries makes batteries,
totally legit.
And it's not a city-owned building
like the other Badge Bandit targets.
So, what's the connection?
I would try to find out, but I am sitting here
getting scolded in a very small chair.
That's intentional, right, the very small chair?
The Mayor is watching closely
how we handle this.
So, I think we need some fresh eyes on
this until things calm down.
Until you calm down.
Matthews, O'Leary.
These two? Come on.
I am giving them the lead on this for now,
and you can monitor things from your desk.
In case you were gonna kick it down.
(CRACKS NECK)
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Just keeping it warm for you,
Detective Simmons.
How do you know my name?
Well,
you're not exactly a closed book.
Look, pipsqueak,
I don't know who you are or...
Karina Foley, Hall Monitor,
Darville Middle School.
Wait, did you actually just say "pipsqueak"?
Whoever you are,
please go home and never come here again.
I am in no mood to be bothered.
-Big case, huh?
-Goodbye.
Wait a second.
Are you on the big case?
The Badge Bandit?
The guy who set off stink bombs
in all the city buses
without a single person spotting him?
Is this the file?
Suit yourself.
Guess I'll just pursue this
big lead on my own.
Yeah, good, you do that.
I would break this case wide open.
Right, you betcha.
10-4, Officer.
Over and out.
Okay!
Okay, what's the big lead?
Make yourself at home.
I saw it fly out of the window
of that building you were in.
Drones.
That's how he escaped from the library.
He was never there in the first place.
He gets drones to do his dirty work.
But why would he be interested
in high-tech batteries?
That's what we gotta find out.
Yeah.
Wait a second.
Where did... How did...
I was recording it.
It pursued me, so I took it out.
You took it out?
After it took a shot at me.
It took a shot at you?
Turns out these things are armed.
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
Okay, listen, I admit
you got a couple of things right out there,
but I don't need an overeager kid
interfering with my case, you understand?
Yeah.
Do you understand?
Yes.
All right.
It's getting late. I'm driving you home.
-And I need to hold onto that, okay?
-I know.
Come on.
KARINA: You mind letting me out here?
Just something about
getting dropped off by the police.
You mean in my obvious,
unmarked squad car?
If the neighbors think
I'm a dangerous criminal,
I might get scratched off
their pool-party invite list.
So, hey, uh...
Keep up the good work
monitoring those middle school halls, okay?
Mom, I'm home!
SARAH: I'll be down in a minute.
Wash up for dinner. And can you feed Lucy?
KARINA: Yup. I'm on it!
Lucy, dinner!
Lucy?
(BARKING)
There you are.
(BARKING CONTINUES)
(BARKING RAPIDLY)
(LUCY WHINES)
Lucy.
(WHINES)
You're lucky you're so darned cute.
So, this mom comes
into the ER today with her son,
who has lodged M&Ms up his nose...
Plain or peanut?
That's what I said.
Anyway, there's this gaggle of doctors
trying to figure out which tweezers to use
and whether or not
they should sedate the poor kid,
because he is screaming hysterically.
So, just as they're about to book the OR,
I come running in with my hair dryer,
and I melt the chocolate mess
right out of his nose in about 30 seconds.
Brilliant, Mom.
Like you always say,
"Don't panic. Just work the problem."
You got it, kiddo.
So, what about you?
Anything exciting happen
in your world today?
Nah, just an average day
of middle school shenanigans.
Right, "average day."
(KISSES) Good night, munchkin.
What happened to this guy?
Every picture tells a story.
There's gotta be something here.
No markings, no serial numbers.
No etchings, no nothing.
(SIGHS)
Sooner or later, you're gonna make a mistake.
KARINA: And when you do,
I'm gonna be there.
(VIDEO GAME PLAYING)
Got you this time.
ANNOUNCER: Car 55 makes its move
and wins the Need for Speed Championship.
Still undefeated.
Now, that's what I'm talkin' about.
-ANNOUNCER: Press play to race again.
-(EXHALES)
Uh-oh. I know that look.
Listen up, K.
My advice is to stay as far away
from that cop as possible.
You sound like my mom.
-You told her about this?
-Heck, no.
She has a hard enough time
with my hall monitor gig.
Can you imagine
what she'd do if she saw this?
KARINA: Hey!
Whoa! I can't believe you got this on camera.
Camera?
Camera.
MAYOR: (ON TV)
While we at City Hall acknowledge
that certain alleged criminal shenanigans
may be causing some hypothetical unrest,
let me just say this.
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Rest assured, our police force will restore
full order before the weekend.
This is Mayor Marsh
looking forward to seeing you
at the Harvest Valley Festival.
(PHONE BEEPS)
(PHONE BEEPS)
(GASPS)
Quit doing that!
How did you know where to find me?
And why do you look like you just rolled out
of a low-budget buddy cop movie?
To answer your first question,
common police procedure,
called "deductive reasoning."
I saw the coffee cups
from this place on your dash
and on your desk yesterday.
As for your second question,
this is my undercover outfit,
so no one suspects I'm on the case.
Yeah, that's pretty inconspicuous.
So, do you normally take
valuable evidence out for breakfast?
I'm not exactly on this case right now.
Goin' rogue. Love it!
Do you normally
just skip school whenever you want to?
Obscure school holiday today called
(WHISPERS) Saturday.
But us dedicated detectives
never take a day off, am I right?
Anyway, I don't get it.
This thing just looks like a kid's toy to me.
Carbon-fiber blades,
composite body, maybe some Kevlar.
This is no kid's toy.
How do you know about all that stuff?
How do you not?
I'm a little resistant to technology.
I'm not one to let gadgets take over my life.
Noticed your flip phone.
(CHUCKLES) I think you're safe.
No, I already checked.
No slot, no memory card.
Yeah, but most of these cameras
have a built-in memory.
A tiny hard drive that might...
A-ha!
(CLICKS)
This must be the drone's
last known flight path.
(DRONE BUZZING)
-How did...
-Killer tech program at my school.
You should meet
my science teacher, Miss McKean.
She's crazy smart and actually pretty cute.
-If you're looking.
-I'm not.
So, are you married, dating?
Divorced.
Imagine that.
-(CLICKING)
-(DRONE BUZZING)
KARINA: I don't recognize any of this.
I do.
It's the old industrial district.
Good work, kid. Now, go home.
Get out of the car, kid!
-But I found you this lead.
-Out.
(SIGHS)
(BARKING)
Uber?
Old industrial district.
(MACHINERIES HISSING)
(BOTH SCREAM)
Come on! What did I say?
And what did I say?
This is my lead.
If I hadn't texted you,
you'd be doing whatever it is you do
after your greasy,
artery-choked breakfast, like...
Shaving, maybe?
Give me that.
How did you even get my phone number?
There's this new invention called the Internet.
It's super-cool, has all kinds of information.
Saw your Boy Scout photo by the way.
You made Tenderfoot.
Do you hear that?
Hold this.
(SIGHS)
Tired of paying for doors.
Learn that at the Academy?
Boy Scouts.
Now, for the last time, get outta here.
Jackpot.
(SIGHS)
I thought I told you to get out of here.
(KARINA GASPS)
Hey, what's the deal?
Someone's watching us.
Think it's the perp?
Don't say "perp." It sounds ridiculous.
I'm gonna go check it out.
Don't move.
(CONVEYOR BELTS BEEPING)
Move! Move! Move!
(BOTH PANTING)
When I do what I'm about to do,
you run as fast as you can
for that loading dock, okay?
What are you about to do?
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Hey! Hey! Right here!
Hey! Over here! Right here!
(SCREAMS)
(GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS) Ow! Ow, ow.
Detective!
Get out! Now!
Come on, hurry!
(GRUNTING)
(BOTH PANTING)
Why are you running like that?
Do you always run like that?
The lasers zapped my arms. I can't feel them.
Phew! Because if you always ran like that,
and I was, like, the first person
to tell you it was strange...
Stop talking.
(GRUNTS)
Let me get that for ya.
(YELLS)
-(SEATBELT CLICKS)
-Yeah.
You better let me drive.
You can't drive, you're eight.
I'm 12.
And you haven't seen me play Need for Speed.
Don't panic.
Work the problem.
What are you doing?
I can't drive, and you can't drive,
but we can drive.
Hit it!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
We're in reverse!
What do you expect? I'm 12!
Turn the wheel!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
All this from video games?
Yeah. They're pretty realistic these days.
I mean, I'm not saying
I could land a fighter jet
on an aircraft carrier or anything, but...
You know, I probably could.
They're gaining on us.
Got an idea.
Hard right!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
And brakes! Now!
Got 'em.
Well done, kid. I guess.
Did you just smile?
I think you just smiled.
(LAUGHING)
I think the feeling is starting to come back.
Thanks for saving my life back there.
So, you gotta admit, I'm a part of this now.
We're totally partners.
We're not partners.
I'm probably going to need
a badge and a gun.
So, back to HQ, right?
Karina.
I'm the adult here, okay?
I'm the one who gets to decide
where we go next.
Okay, but you should go left here.
We gotta go back to the station.
Download them
on everything that's been happening.
That is exactly what I am going to do.
You, I'm going to leave with your parents,
fill them in on what's been going on.
It's just my mom.
My dad died.
He was a cop.
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
I was pretty young.
I only remember bits and pieces of him.
My mom said he wanted me to have this.
Looks like the one I had
when I was in uniform.
I take it with me most of the time.
I mean, it's not like I'd ever use it.
I just like having a part of him close to me.
So, that's why you want to be a cop?
It's in my blood.
Anyway, we should probably turn around
and head for the station.
Negative.
Fine. Then I won't share
the evidence I picked up back there
while you were playing
patty-cake with those drones.
What evidence?
Oh. I don't have anything.
What? How could you lie to me?
Well, you wouldn't have
brought me here otherwise.
-That's exactly my...
-CAPTAIN: Simmons!
The Captain is a woman? Love that.
I assume there's a good reason
why you have brought a child
into the middle of our bullpen.
Good reason?
Nope, I don't have one of those.
I'm his new partner.
CAPTAIN: In my office, now.
And bring your new partner with you.
-She's not my partner.
-Yes, she is.
Listen, I'm not supposed
to be active on this case, remember?
So, she's gonna be a little edgy.
Don't worry. We made such a big break.
She's gonna love it.
And if all else fails,
we'll give her our cute faces.
See?
Okay, now let's see yours.
Any time, Detective.
Well, uh...
Detective Simmons and I are working
the Badge Bandit case together.
-Is that right?
-Actually, we're not.
Turns out this perp
has been committing the crimes
with next-generation, souped-up drones.
Drones?
Mmm-hmm.
No forced entry, no fingerprints,
able to access tight spaces.
Right.
So, this morning, I followed a lead that
turned up a secret manufacturing facility,
-where I found a dozen of those machines...
-(CLEARING THROAT)
I think you meant to say "we."
Actually, I didn't.
Well, go ahead.
Ask him where he got the lead.
-What is the most important thing is that I...
-We.
...might have gotten
a glimpse of someone on the scene
who could be our suspect,
but before I could question him, I...
We got into a gnarly scrape
with a bunch of those drones,
and Detective Simmons
went full-on superhero mode,
took a couple laser zaps for me...
And came straight here to fill you in.
You didn't tell her the best part.
-I think she's heard plenty.
-CAPTAIN: No.
No, sweetie, I'd love to hear more.
I drove.
The squad car?
Yeah. Well, sort of.
It was more of a team effort.
So, anyway, the drones were hot on our tail,
so we threw some
evasive maneuvers at them and lost 'em.
It was totally superb. Right, partner?
(EXHALES) Right, well...
I'm gonna get a team out there
to check the warehouse.
What about me?
You can't tell me that I haven't
earned my way back on this case.
Not only are you not back on this case,
-you are suspended.
-What?
This is the third time
you have disobeyed a direct order,
and you somehow managed
to endanger a minor in the process.
Hand them over.
(SIGHS)
Now, I would like you to escort
this fine young lady back to her home,
and if I need anything more from you,
I'll call the diner.
(WHISPERS) Cute face.
Matthews, O'Leary!
Gear up!
We're gonna go check out that warehouse!
-MATTHEWS: We're so on it!
-O'LEARY: We're so on it!
Oh, God.
Maybe we should sneak back out there.
If they squeeze the perp from the warehouse,
we'll be there to grab him.
Would you quit saying "perp"?
It's short for "perpetrator."
Anyway, they're not gonna find anything.
This guy's too smart for that.
He's long gone by now.
Now, you heard the Captain, young lady.
I'm escorting you home.
But first, we need to check on something.
Wait, but you just said you were...
I get it now.
I need you to talk to
our tech specialist, Oliver, for me,
because I don't speak nerd.
You know, when you're asking for help,
you could be a little more...
What's the word? Nice.
-(COMPUTER BEEPING)
-(CLEARS THROAT)
Oh. Hey, so I ran some tests
on that battery that you gave me,
and the ampere capacity is insane.
Like, how much, 500, 600?
Try 25,000.
Whoa!
Might have to translate.
(WHISPERS) Flip phone.
Uh, the idea is that capacity for a cell this size
is usually measured in hours.
-This one would be measured in days.
-Or weeks.
All that from a little battery?
Small, but very potent.
Like me.
Even the best consumer drones
can only fly for 10, maybe 15 minutes.
A drone with this much power could stay aloft
indefinitely without recharging.
With an energy source this size,
the speed would be ridonkulous.
Plus, those mini-laser weapons
would have the power to melt steel.
This is military-grade stuff.
More range, more power.
CAPTAIN: (ON RADIO)
Okay, everyone, stand by. Keep a look out.
More damage.
This guy is planning something bigger.
CAPTAIN: The warehouse is totally clean.
No drones, no humans, no nothing.
You were right, but now what?
He and his drones could be anywhere.
And we have no way to track them.
I have a way to track them.
(YELPS) I hate these things!
(SIGHS)
What did you mean back there about
having ways to track the drones?
I'm about to show you some real police work.
No cameras, no gadgets, no hard drives
that make scary whirring noises.
We're going old school.
Cops today rely too much on technology.
It's put a void
between the citizens and the police.
Before computers,
we had to be out on the streets.
Among the people,
taking the pulse of the city.
When it comes down to it,
good police work is all about relationships.
What's shakin', Detective?
You know that guy?
Listen up, gentlemen,
for the next three minutes,
Slim-Mart havin'
a "Do Not Ask Where It Come From" sale.
I got all the best.
Genuine Gucci, Tory Burch, Coach.
That looks like a hustle.
I bet it's all counterfeit.
Hey, Slim, how's business?
Detective Simmons. My man.
It just me, or the rookies
getting younger and younger all the time?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
I could use a little information, Slim.
And Slim needs to write
seven alimony checks by Saturday.
(GRUNTS) You like this one?
Absolutely not.
We'll take it.
You know anything about a psycho
who likes to play with drones?
Oh, Slim know lots of psychos,
but what the heck's a drone?
An unmanned, video-piloted quadcopter.
Slim don't know nothin' 'bout that,
but Slim will toss some stones into the water,
see what ripples.
-You're not gonna arrest him?
-For what?
Peddling counterfeit goods,
selling without a permit,
referring to himself in the third person?
You gotta pick your battles, kid.
Slim has got connections that the cops don't.
If someone is making souped-up drones,
that someone might need guys to help him.
Guys who Slim might associate with.
Slim was definitely shady.
Whatever. I can't accept that.
There's nothing illegal about that bag.
Uh, it's totally counterfeit.
Look a little closer.
"Coach" is not spelled with a "K."
Something just isn't sitting right.
It's that disgusting food you eat.
Even my dog, Lucy,
would turn her butt to that.
I mean, the Badge Bandit's been running
the department in circles for weeks.
He's always one step ahead of us,
like he knows
what we're gonna do before we do it.
You know what my dad would say?
Sometimes the most obvious answer
is the right one.
So, who would know that much
about police procedure?
An ex-cop would know exactly
how to stage a crime scene.
Interesting theory.
-Sure you don't want a bite?
-Ew!
Processed food can lead to high cholesterol,
high blood pressure, chronic grumpiness...
I don't worry about it.
What about your close family and friends?
Don't have any.
I researched you online.
You were a rock-star cop,
all kinds of accolades and awards.
What changed?
It was one case.
You've been gone all day.
Won't your mother be getting worried?
I texted her to let her know I was okay.
Texting, right.
(PHONE BEEPING)
See? You like it.
I know, you should totally get a phone
that doesn't have the word "flip" in it,
and we should FaceTime.
-"FaceTime"?
-It's like a video chat
where you can talk
while looking at each other.
Isn't that what we're doing right now?
(GROANS)
(ALARM BLARING)
MAN: Oh, it smells terrible.
Oh... Oh...
I'm a cop. What's going on?
(PANTING) They exploded.
Every toilet in the building.
Please. You have to
do something, Officer. Please.
WOMAN: Oh, no. Gosh.
(SIMMONS READING)
(CAMERA CLICKS)
(CONTINUES READING)
(SIGHS) City Hall.
This guy is getting brash.
(SIRENS BLARING)
Come on.
Karina, you're a good kid with great instincts.
Your dad would be proud.
But things are escalating,
and I can't have you getting hurt.
You understand?
Oh.
Okay.
Almost forgot. Found something of yours.
You found that?
Pretty crafty.
Exactly how much have you shared with
your mother about this whole adventure?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Well, just sort of bits and pieces.
You know,
just like little nuggets here and there.
-You haven't told her anything.
-No.
I'm going to have to speak with her.
Wait, wait, wait. No. Wait, wait.
(PANTING)
Ah! Dang it!
Maybe
you could say I signed up
for a ride-along program.
The Counterfeit Handbag Task Force.
-Nothing dangerous.
-Karina.
Oh. Uh...
Hi, ma'am.
(SIMMONS STAMMERING)
Mom, this is Detective Simmons.
Oh, no. What did she do?
Oh. Uh...
Nothing. (CHUCKLES) No, no, no, no, no.
(SCOFFS) She's not in trouble.
Actually, she's, uh...
She's great.
I'm sorry, I was just on the treadmill.
Oh, no, you look really good.
I mean, uh...
Exercise, uh, that's really good.
(CHUCKLES)
So, I'm assuming there's a reason
my daughter was brought home
by a police officer?
Counterfeit Handbag Task Force.
-Karina.
-Karina.
Actually, she came upon an investigation
that was just unfolding, and...
Let me guess, she offered assistance?
-That she did.
-He needed it.
(SING-SONG) Karina.
May I speak with
Detective Simmons in private, please?
You and I will have our own chat later.
Thank you.
So, did she tell you about her father?
She did.
I can't tell you how sorry I am.
She's a carbon copy of him.
She's just got it in her mind
this is what she wants to do.
I have to say, she has some natural talent.
Just promise me,
if she shows up, and she probably will,
you'll keep her out of trouble.
I promise.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
-Simmons.
-Hi, partner.
Hi, yourself.
I just wanted to say thanks
for not mentioning the zapping drones,
car chases and all that stuff.
Well, no need to upset your mom more
now that you're done with all this, right?
Right, Karina?
-Yeah, I promise.
-Good.
You can still be my unofficial consultant
in all of this.
I can keep you posted
on any new developments.
Text me the updates.
Right.
Did you just smile?
It sounded like you just smiled.
I'd be able to see it
if you had a phone from this century.
Good night, Karina.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
I said good night already.
DISTORTED VOICE: But we have
so much to talk about, Detective.
I thought it might be time for me to say hello,
since we didn't have
a formal introduction at the warehouse.
Nice investigative work, by the way.
You seem to be the only one capable
of following the breadcrumbs I've left
for your pathetic police force.
Don't you mean our police force, pal?
Such irony. We could have been pals.
I would have liked that very much.
But it looks like our paths are destined
to collide in a much different way.
We're onto you.
It's only a matter of time,
you know that, don't you?
You're only as close
as I'm allowing you to get, Detective.
I could end this game anytime with one click.
Over here!
The Badge Bandit was one of us.
I don't listen to random theories
from suspended officers.
He just called me.
This is a wild goose chase.
Everyone who used to be a cop here
is either retired, in their 80s,
or moved to another state.
Keep digging. All of you, keep digging.
Zero in on the guys
who got fired or who left disgruntled.
Anyone with an ax to grind.
Man, I haven't seen so many cops in one place
since we put on that talent show
at the Academy.
-The Academy.
-What is it, Simmons?
What if it's not an ex-cop, but a wannabe cop?
Somebody who wanted
to be on the force but never made it.
That would certainly be grounds
for a vendetta.
Matthews, O'Leary,
get me a list of all police recruits
that did not make the cut in the past 15 years.
We don't keep those files here.
We'd have to access the Academy database.
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS) I really wish you guys would just
take the computer classes that I offered.
All right, I'm in.
Hold it. Why is that picture all distorted?
It's like someone messed with the file.
Why would a civilian recruit
wear a full uniform for his application pic?
I think that's a Halloween costume.
The name is Wendell Dewey.
Failed his psych eval,
antisocial personality disorder.
Can you unblur the picture?
I could try to run some
facial recognition software on this,
but it's just a beta program.
It could take a while with an image this bad.
I have no clue
what you just said, but make it happen.
-In the meantime, we need an address.
-I'm on it.
This all makes sense.
An obsessed wannabe cop out for revenge
against the institution that rejected him.
Strong work, Detective.
Yeah, it's a shame
I'm not on the case anymore.
I don't even have a badge
or a gun.
Oh! This goes against every fiber of my being.
But you're the lead on this again.
-Thanks, Cap.
-No, don't thank me.
Thank that nutjob for calling you.
I got an address.
-Let's do this!
-Let's do this!
(SIRENS BLARING)
Let's take this guy down.
-BOTH: One!
-Wait a second.
-BOTH: Two!
-Isn't this...
BOTH: Three!
(GASPS)
What the heck is going on here?
Uh, Mr. Mayor, sir, there's, uh, been a mistake.
You think so?
MAYOR: Damn!
"Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
that's not my house, by now you know.
"Tomorrow's chaos is just for show.
"Harvest Fest will be real, though."
"Tomorrow's chaos"?
(MAILBOX WHIRRING)
(GASPING)
-Give me a "D."
-GIRLS: "D."
-Give me an "E."
-GIRLS: "E."
Give me an "A."
Wait, how do you spell "defense"?
(ZAPPING)
(SCREAMS)
With the festival just two days away,
this is a city in chaos.
I mean, how do you even cover
a person in cotton candy?
What will these
renegade drones think of next?
Due to the recent dastardly acts
besieging our beloved city,
I have no choice but to postpone, not cancel,
but postpone this year's
Harvest Valley Festival,
until the responsible party
has been brought to justice.
Man, that's all kinds of hoopty.
In no way
should this decision be misconstrued
as me thinking our police force
has been exposed
as being utterly incompetent.
We just can't have people thinking
that we don't have the faintest idea
how to keep our citizens safe.
(BANGING)
Nobody's safe!
(BEEPS)
This whole thing has gotten out of hand.
It's time I get back in the game.
Come on, K. You promised him.
Bobby C, deep down he knows he needs me.
This city needs me.
-Sugar?
-Good God!
Really?
You have to stop doing that.
Do you have a home,
or do you actually live in this coffee shop?
We had a deal, remember?
I just thought you might
need some backup, partner.
You're not a cop, and you're not my partner.
Karina, we know who this guy is,
and any friend of the police force
is an enemy of his.
I'm sorry I snapped at you.
I'm just
frustrated.
With this case or the old one?
You ever gonna tell me
what happened that night?
It doesn't matter.
It matters to me.
Even though you try real hard to pretend
you don't care about things,
I know you do.
I see it in the way you protect me
and in the way
you fumbled around in front of my mom.
Whatever happened before
doesn't make you who you are today.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
(SNIFFS) Simmons.
Yeah, Slim, what do you got?
Gucci wallets, yeah,
put me down for two of them.
You got an address? Hold on.
2575 52nd Street. 2575 52nd Street.
You got a pen?
Yeah, got it, Slim. Thanks.
Slim just got a tip
on some heavy drone activity.
Two minutes from here.
-Back on the case.
-SIMMONS: You are not back on the case.
What are we waiting for?
Let's go bust down some doors and get him.
You're starting to sound like me.
But judges do not write search warrants
based on tips from guys named Slim.
So, we might be here for a while.
(SIGHS)
This is how you properly fuel a stakeout.
(SNIFFS)
That's the good stuff right there.
Kale, spinach, a little turmeric.
-What?
-It's a root.
Really good for constipation.
By the way, you should be having
two to three good bowel movements per day.
Preferably S-shaped, and...
Okay, enough.
(RETCHING)
I know, probably a shock to your system,
but a couple of those a day
and you'll feel like a new man.
"A new man."
Right.
I once had a partner.
We were pursuing a really bad guy
but he got the jump on us
and took him hostage.
I had the chance to take the shot,
but I hesitated.
I was afraid I'd shoot my partner by mistake.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
I...
I just couldn't pull the trigger.
So,
what happened?
The guy got away.
Went on to do some really bad things,
and I could've stopped him.
I think my dad would've
made the same choice.
You're pretty sharp for a pipsqueak.
(CHUCKLES)
(DRONE WHIRRING)
KARINA: I know.
(IMITATING SIMMONS) "Stay in the car."
I'm tempted to handcuff you to the wheel.
I'd still find a way.
Freeze! Hands in the air!
(GRUNTS)
Ah!
That's not good.
Karina, he trusted you to stay in the car.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GROANING)
I'm coming for you, partner!
Seriously?
(GROANING)
(YELLING)
Move, and I'll slime you.
All right, dirtball, come clean.
I'll handle this.
All right, dirtball, come clean.
Come clean about what?
About the drones, about everything.
Okay, I'm Daniel Woo.
I have a bunch of drones,
and I like to fly them.
So, why did you run?
Some scraggly dude
breaks into my apartment,
pulls a gun on me, what am I supposed to do?
Told you, you should shave.
You assaulted a police officer.
I think you know more than that.
You never identified yourself,
so I did what I had to do.
Wait a sec,
you think I'm part of
all this criminal drone stuff?
Not anymore. (GROANS)
Hey, sorry about kicking your butt. You okay?
Yeah, what are you,
some kind of ninja or something?
Oh, right, yeah,
just 'cause I'm Asian, I must be a ninja.
That's not what I meant.
-That's what it sounded like to me.
-That's how I took it.
(PHONE RINGING)
This is Mr. Woo,
President of the local drone club,
in what is arguably the worst week
to be the President of the local drone club.
See if he can give you anything worthwhile,
then turn him loose.
-Oh, please tell me that's our guy.
-He's not our guy.
(SIGHS)
And why are you here?
I apprehended him.
-Of course you did.
-DISPATCHER: Captain.
Getting another report of drones.
Dozens of them moving through town,
right down Main Street.
(SIGHS) Oliver!
Can you locate those drones
through satellite feeds or traffic cams?
I'm still working on that
facial recognition scan.
Just do it.
Stay here.
CAPTAIN: Look at all of them.
It's like they're being
beckoned by some kind of mothership.
The Mayor made the right call
postponing the festival.
The festival's postponed?
I was gonna take my mom.
If only we could infiltrate that squadron,
it would lead us
right to his base of operations.
Yeah, but how do we do that
without the drones seeing us?
I have no idea.
I do.
We go undercover as drones.
That's brilliant.
We just need someone
who'd offer up a couple of his drones.
Not really in the mood for any favors.
How many do you need?
(SIZZLING)
CAPTAIN: Perfect match.
Well done, people.
Okay, here's the plan.
We are going to infiltrate
the suspect's drone cluster with our decoys,
then going to follow them back to his hideout.
Oliver, you'll pilot the decoys.
Oh, uh, I don't know about that.
Not everyone's qualified
to do actual police stuff.
We need you, Oliver.
SIMMONS: You know, Cap,
I think Karina should pilot one of the drones.
She's a whiz at that kind of thing.
I'm not saying she could land a fighter jet
on an aircraft carrier or anything.
Actually, she probably could.
CAPTAIN: That's a good idea.
She'll be safe here,
away from any physical danger,
and if one of the drones goes down,
the other one will finish the job.
Roger that, Cap.
Meanwhile, Detective Simmons
will lead a small tactical unit
to tail the drones to their landing site.
BOTH: Banzai!
Let's take this guy down.
I got a pack of 'em, headed west,
away from the downtown corridor.
I see them.
Maneuvering the decoys into the pack.
Nice and easy.
We're in.
Copy that. Good work, you two.
Matthews, O'Leary,
stay close but not too close.
Don't want those drones
spotting us on their tail.
-MATTHEWS AND O'LEARY: Banzai!
-(BANGS)
Or mine.
-MATTHEWS: Sorry.
-O'LEARY: Sorry.
Entering some kind of warehouse,
and the eagles have landed.
I repeat, the eagles have landed.
I've always wanted to say that.
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
We are on scene, and we're going radio silent.
Keep your drone cameras rolling
for any sign of Dewey.
KARINA: Copy that.
Let's go.
The mother lode.
The mother lode.
But where's the Bandit?
I don't get it.
All this evidence just sitting around.
Well, without his drones, he's done.
Hey, guys, check this out.
It's an order for drone parts.
"I've made my point, so loud and clear.
"It's time for me to disappear.
"The game is over, my rhymes are done.
"If I were you, I'd surely run."
What's that supposed to mean?
(TIMERS TICKING)
It means run!
CAPTAIN: Let's go! Come on! Move it!
SIMMONS: Move it, Matthews!
Move it!
(EXPLOSION)
(ALL YELLING)
It was a trap!
Detective Simmons! Detective Simmons!
Are you okay? I repeat, are you okay?
Detective Simmons!
Detective Simmons, can you hear me?
Everybody is fine.
Can't say the same for the evidence, though.
They're okay.
Oh, thank goodness.
You all right?
Yeah.
Okay, well, I'm gonna go get
something from the snack machine.
Do you want anything?
No, thanks. I still got some smoothie left.
CAPTAIN: I guess Dewey thought
we were getting too close,
so he decided
to pull the plug on his operation
and go out with a bang.
Literally.
But what was the point?
Like the poem said,
to make us look bad in the eyes of the city.
But in a weird way,
all he did was bring out the best in us.
In you.
I mean, like Oliver said,
not everyone is qualified
to do real police stuff.
Oliver.
(SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE)
Oh, no. Karina.
Oops.
Why are you driving so fast?
It was him all along!
It's the same writing.
SIMMONS: He's great with computers.
He can fly the heck out of a drone.
He even gave us the Mayor's address
when we thought
we were going to Dewey's place.
He knew about the plan tonight!
That's why he brought
the drones back to their home base,
so he could blow them all to smithereens!
Are you saying
that Oliver is working with Dewey?
I'm saying that Oliver is Dewey.
OLIVER: I really wish you hadn't found that.
-(DOORS SHUT)
-(GASPS)
And yes, I know.
My "O's" really need some work.
You're the Badge Bandit.
I would've gone with a different name.
I feel like the press really has no imagination.
-SIMMONS: (ON RADIO) Karina!
-(GASPS)
Karina, are you there?
(CRACKLES)
(PANTING)
There's nowhere to hide, Karina.
Karina, are you there?
You must think you're pretty smart.
I mean, I'll give you this.
You're smarter than the morons
that they let work here.
(OLIVER CHUCKLES)
I had them completely flummoxed by my plan,
looking like the fools they are.
-(SCREAMS)
-How telling
that they needed
the help of a little girl to get a clue.
Don't you see?
We both wanted to be cops,
and everyone dismissed us.
We're not so different, you and me.
I'm nothing like you.
Let her go, Oliver. Or should I say, "Dewey."
Look at you with your badge and your gun,
looking all heroic.
See, that's...
That's all I ever wanted,
but they turned me down.
They said that I wasn't fit to wear the uniform.
Imagine that?
But why go to all the trouble with drones,
pulling all those
stupid pranks around the city?
My pranks exposed the truth
about you and your fellow officers.
That when push comes to shove,
you can't serve or protect a thing!
Take the shot, Detective!
Why now?
Technology takes time to perfect.
Except for facial-recognition software.
That stuff works pretty well already.
Do it! Take the shot!
I trust you!
I can't. I can't take the chance.
Then go old school.
I've always hated those things.
This is what a real police badge looks like.
Take him to the holding cell.
O'LEARY: You're done, buddy.
-MATTHEWS: Like a chicken dinner.
-(SIGHS)
Congratulations, Detective.
Couldn't have done it without my partner.
CAPTAIN: I couldn't agree more.
Well done.
You okay?
I blew it.
(LAUGHING) What are you talking about?
I was with Oliver all night. I...
I should've known he was Dewey.
What kind of cop am I?
(SIGHS)
That's just it, Karina.
You're not a cop.
But someday, you're gonna make a great one.
Right now you're a kid,
and a pretty great one of those, too.
MATTHEWS: Mayor just gave us
a primo shout-out on the news,
then announced the festival is back on.
We are so hitting the hayride! (GRUNTS)
(LAUGHING)
Something tells me
you're not much of a parade guy, right?
Actually, I love parades.
(CHUCKLES)
(CROWD CHEERING)
It's about time, Deputy.
I'm not your deputy.
MAN: Congratulations!
So, the Badge Bandit is finally behind bars?
Yes, ma'am.
Congratulations,
and thank you for keeping her safe.
(LAUGHING)
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
What are you laughing at?
Picturing all the fun stuff
you're missing out there?
Oh, I'm not missing a thing.
(BEEPS)
(PHONE BEEPS)
"Rub-a-dub-dub, your bust was a flub.
"No matter what you believe,
you just might cry if you look to the sky
"to see the last trick I had up my sleeve."
(WHIRRING)
Look, there's a float in the sky.
No, it's a giant drone.
I hate those things.
-Oh!
-(SCREAMS)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
(SCREAMING)
(GASPS)
(CRACKLES)
-Karina!
-I've got her, Sarah! Run!
Okay.
We've got to take this thing down!
I have an idea,
but I need you to stay right here.
You should know better than that by now.
(WHIMPERING)
I was gonna run for governor.
(CRYING) I still have shoes I've never worn.
Hi, fellas. I need a favor.
Do you think this thing still works?
She'll fire, but only a spark.
We got one shell to make a spark.
Now, the thing that goes boom
goes in there and comes out there.
Just make sure to put these in here.
Gunpowder's not going to be enough.
We need to find something
to shoot outta this thing.
How about
this?
Karina, are you sure?
Positive.
It's headed for the station!
(GRUNTS)
A little left!
A little more!
SIMMONS: It's too heavy.
This thing weighs a ton!
(RUMBLING)
Who are you again?
I'm her deputy.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
We've gotta take it out now.
Fire!
Direct hit!
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
Oh. No.
(EXPLODES)
(CHEERING)
Now, that's what I'm talking about!
(ALL CHEERING)
Yes!
Oh! Boo-ya!
Karina!
I am so proud of you.
Just an average day.
ALL: Aw.
KARINA: I learned a lot from
my days on the front lines of the police force.
Mostly, I learned
that I have plenty of time to become a cop.
Right now, I'm cool with being a kid.
Hey, Karina.
There's a party at my place on Friday.
You wanna come?
Okay. Sounds fun.
Cool, and invite your friend, Bobby C.
-Will do.
-Bye.
KARINA: And really, when it comes down to it,
good police work is all about relationships.
Morning, Officer.
I believe this belongs to you.
Way to go, kiddo.
KARINA: But don't get me wrong,
in this day and age,
even the most old-school curmudgeons
need to make room for a little technology.
"Pretty slow on my watch. You?"
"Hope you're prepared."
(PHONE CHIMES)
(CAMERA CLICKS)
(CHUCKLES)
(WHIRRING)
All right, kicking down doors is an art,
one that is totally underappreciated
by today's rookies.
So, we're gonna start
with your basic surprise burst-in maneuver.
You line yourself up,
you square yourself up to your target,
you lock in your core
so that you can swivel it
to a 45-degree angle, just like...
KARINA: As any officer knows,
the key to good police work
is knowing your beat.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
I work the mean streets
of Darville Middle School.
It might look like a harmless mix
of acne and mind-numbing textbooks,
but to my highly-trained eyes,
this is a hub of nefarious activity,
and it must be patrolled.
Today's case involves a cyber-bully,
screen name "Gewelz,"
who's been making
not-so-nice comments on social media pages.
I have a pretty good idea who it is,
but I still need to prove it.
Buenos nachos, Mr. Alverez.
Just studying our Spanish.
Vaya con burritos.
(GROANS)
Got the suspect in sight.
Pretending to be studying. Over.
Look at this girl.
Is that a pimple or a volcano?
(ALL LAUGHING)
(SIGHS) Classic line. Gotta post it.
Suspect is about to commit the crime.
As soon as the post is complete,
I'll make the bust.
-Over.
-(SIGHS)
We're on the phone, K.
You don't have to keep saying "over."
"Is that a pimple or a..."
How do you spell "volcano"?
Gotcha.
Cyber-bullying is a crime, and you're busted.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I think you do, Gewelz with a "G."
-(GASPS)
-Yeah, well, your screen name should be
"New Girl Who Everybody Thinks
is a Total Weirdo."
(GIGGLES)
You really took me down.
I don't know how I'm coming back from that.
I mean, I guess I could just...
(CHIMES)
...delete your account.
Two thousand pictures,
and, not surprisingly, all of them of you.
Poof! Gone.
You hacked me?
I wouldn't really call it a hack.
I mean, "Farrah1!" as your password?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
Before you do whatever you're about to do,
let me just say two words.
Look out!
(GASPS THEN SIGHS IN RELIEF)
Nice try.
-(GASPS)
-BOY: Sorry, Farrah.
That was lucky.
You're so over!
Excuse me! Pardon! On your left!
(YELLS)
KARINA: I knew there would be danger.
But there's nothing sweeter
than serving up justice in an unjust world.
My name is Karina Foley.
(BRAKES SQUEALING)
(CRASHING)
(GROANS)
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
KARINA: And I'm a cop.
You're not a cop!
You're a 12-year-old girl
with an overactive imagination
and 200 bucks in janitorial fees.
-Then why'd you make me hall monitor?
-I didn't!
You made that sash yourself!
Oh, really?
(CLICKS)
KARINA: Principal Miller,
can I be the hall monitor?
MILLER: Yeah, sure, whatever.
Now, run along, young man.
You recorded me?
I record everything. It's good technique.
Well, don't!
I hate the sound of my own voice.
I won't even make
the morning announcements
if I don't have my smooth-jazz modulator.
Today, the lunch special will be sloppy joes.
(ECHOING)
See?
Sir, if you would just
review the video evidence, everything...
You can review it yourself,
after school, in detention.
KARINA: Yup, it's a thankless job.
But there are bad people
out there doing bad things,
and somebody's gotta catch 'em.
(TIRES SCREECHES)
Very tight-lipped...
WOMAN: Police have now...
Excuse me, pardon me, excuse me.
What do we got?
Well, librarian showed up this morning,
saw the place was trashed,
heard some strange noises inside, called 911.
So, what are we doing out here?
Captain called the SWAT team.
They're on the way.
SWAT, for a library vandal?
She thinks this could be our guy.
The Badge Bandit?
It's the fifth city building
he's hit this month. Do the math.
He never even leaves a fingerprint.
This guy's a ghost.
He's a phantom. He's a zombie.
No, he can't be a zombie.
They got fingerprints.
Right.
That's some top-notch police work, O'Leary.
Well, if we have him trapped now,
why are we waiting?
We got it covered, Simmons.
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
Great. All we need.
(LOUD BANG)
You two wait out here.
-Uh, the Captain said...
-Hey!
It wasn't locked.
(SIRENS BLARING IN DISTANCE)
Captain Novack. Captain.
Can you explain to us
why someone would launch a crime spree
targeting municipal sites?
I mean, last week,
all the city's pools were filled with hot sauce,
and the week before that,
all the city's hot sauce packets
were filled with pool water.
Crime spree is a very strong phrase.
(SILLY STRINGS SHOOTS)
What the...
(VENT THUDS)
(READING)
"While you chase your tails,
I am laughing at you."
(TICKING)
(TICKING CONTINUES)
-(DINGS)
-Oh, no.
What we are dealing with here
is nothing more than a prankster,
someone who is being apprehended
as we speak
by one of the city's finest police officers.
(SIMMONS SCREAMS)
(CROWD GASPS)
(CAMERAS CLICKING)
(CROWD MURMURING)
For those of you who've missed
the many Channel 5 special reports,
we now have multiple crime scenes
at city-owned locations.
Garbage truck Jenga at City Sanitarium.
Toilet paper on the City Power Plant.
Upside-down furniture
at the City Driving Center.
And a polka-dot paint job
for the City Fire Hall.
No forced entry, no DNA,
no clues whatsoever.
Except that our perpetrator
likes to leave us one of these.
And a little poem mocking the police.
That's us.
(ALL LAUGHING)
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
That'll suffice, Oliver.
Now we have a nutcase out there
who thinks that he is a comic book villain,
and we have to catch this
so-called "Badge Bandit"
before the Harvest Valley Festival
kicks off next week.
The last thing this city needs
is panic on the biggest weekend of the year.
Got it?
Dismissed.
You disobeyed a direct order
and went running into that scene
like a teen girl at a boy-band concert.
I was following my instincts.
Well, your instincts
don't exactly have a great track record.
Our suspect got away
and made us look like fools
in front of the press.
I can get this guy, Cap.
I want you to work the police-badge angle.
Somebody's mad at the system.
Go through all the convicts
that have been released from the local prison
over the last five years,
and see if anything sticks.
You've already got guys doing that.
And now I have one more.
(SIGHS)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)
"Leyden Industries."
KARINA: As the new kid in this jurisdiction,
I need to bring down a bigger offender
than Farrah to prove my merit.
But other than gum girl
breaking the laws of chewing,
I'm not gonna find any real action in here.
(SIGHS)
Wait a minute.
Maybe I spoke too soon.
(INHALES SHARPLY) Hmm.
Whoa. It's a stakeout.
(BELL RINGS)
See? He's still there.
-Who?
-Cop on a stakeout.
-How do you know?
-Bobby C,
if you want to be my deputy,
you're gonna have to brush up
on your law-enforcement instincts.
I don't want to be your deputy.
I get scared watching cop shows on TV.
-Let's check it out.
-Negative.
If it is a cop,
the last thing he wants is you sniffing around.
And if that isn't a cop,
then look at him.
That's one creepy-looking dude.
Anyway, I gotta get home.
My mom doesn't like me out after dark.
It's 4:00 in the afternoon.
Yeah. Cuttin' it close.
-Hi.
-Hey!
Ah!
May I be of assistance, Officer?
Move along, little girl,
and I would advise you
not to approach strangers in cars.
How's your back feeling?
Pretty stiff, I'd guess.
And you should really consider
upgrading your stakeout nutrition plan.
I mean, fast food
is the perfect recipe for constipation.
Listen, kid,
I'm not on a stakeout and I'm not a cop,
so get out of here
before I call the real ones on you.
Give me a break.
You're driving a Crown Vic with steelies.
You may as well have
a light bar and municipal plates.
Oh, real mature.
Whatcha casing?
Bet it's that building over there.
I pass it every day on my way to school,
and I always wondered about it.
I know you can hear me.
It's not like
that's bulletproof glass or anything.
Speaking of, are you wearing a vest?
Hard to tell. You may just be a little poochy.
Go get 'em, Officer.
Should I keep watch out here?
You should go home!
KARINA: Tell you what, I'll circle around back.
You take the entrance.
I've got your flank covered.
(READING)
-MATTHEWS: Move and you're dead!
-O'LEARY: Hands in the air!
MATTHEWS: How's he supposed
to put his hands in the air
when I told him not to move?
O'LEARY: Well, tell him you take it back.
What are you clowns doing here?
Simmons.
We got a call
about a homeless guy kicking in the door.
Do I look like a homeless guy?
"I now have the power." Power.
Who in this town has power?
A power lifter? Maybe a bodybuilder.
-MMA guy.
-Electrician, ranger.
A Power Ranger.
Yes.
(SIMMONS WHISTLES)
Hey, didn't the Captain
tell you to work from your desk?
What can I say?
I couldn't resist
seeing you two heroes in action.
(GLASS SHATTERS)
Hey, little guy.
Say "cheese."
Hey!
(STAMMERS) Wait.
Before you do whatever you're about to do,
let me just say two words.
Look out!
Smart tech.
(DRONE POWERS DOWN)
(SPUTTERING)
(SPUTTERING STOPS)
Now, that's what I'm talkin' about.
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
Official police business. Nothing to see here.
Weirdo.
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
You've had quite the day, Detective.
Would you like to tell me
what you were doing at that building?
Following a lead.
A lead which you didn't share
with anyone else.
And, as it turns out,
a lead that's gonna cost you
another front door.
I found a bunch of these.
Leyden Industries makes batteries,
totally legit.
And it's not a city-owned building
like the other Badge Bandit targets.
So, what's the connection?
I would try to find out, but I am sitting here
getting scolded in a very small chair.
That's intentional, right, the very small chair?
The Mayor is watching closely
how we handle this.
So, I think we need some fresh eyes on
this until things calm down.
Until you calm down.
Matthews, O'Leary.
These two? Come on.
I am giving them the lead on this for now,
and you can monitor things from your desk.
In case you were gonna kick it down.
(CRACKS NECK)
(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Just keeping it warm for you,
Detective Simmons.
How do you know my name?
Well,
you're not exactly a closed book.
Look, pipsqueak,
I don't know who you are or...
Karina Foley, Hall Monitor,
Darville Middle School.
Wait, did you actually just say "pipsqueak"?
Whoever you are,
please go home and never come here again.
I am in no mood to be bothered.
-Big case, huh?
-Goodbye.
Wait a second.
Are you on the big case?
The Badge Bandit?
The guy who set off stink bombs
in all the city buses
without a single person spotting him?
Is this the file?
Suit yourself.
Guess I'll just pursue this
big lead on my own.
Yeah, good, you do that.
I would break this case wide open.
Right, you betcha.
10-4, Officer.
Over and out.
Okay!
Okay, what's the big lead?
Make yourself at home.
I saw it fly out of the window
of that building you were in.
Drones.
That's how he escaped from the library.
He was never there in the first place.
He gets drones to do his dirty work.
But why would he be interested
in high-tech batteries?
That's what we gotta find out.
Yeah.
Wait a second.
Where did... How did...
I was recording it.
It pursued me, so I took it out.
You took it out?
After it took a shot at me.
It took a shot at you?
Turns out these things are armed.
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
Okay, listen, I admit
you got a couple of things right out there,
but I don't need an overeager kid
interfering with my case, you understand?
Yeah.
Do you understand?
Yes.
All right.
It's getting late. I'm driving you home.
-And I need to hold onto that, okay?
-I know.
Come on.
KARINA: You mind letting me out here?
Just something about
getting dropped off by the police.
You mean in my obvious,
unmarked squad car?
If the neighbors think
I'm a dangerous criminal,
I might get scratched off
their pool-party invite list.
So, hey, uh...
Keep up the good work
monitoring those middle school halls, okay?
Mom, I'm home!
SARAH: I'll be down in a minute.
Wash up for dinner. And can you feed Lucy?
KARINA: Yup. I'm on it!
Lucy, dinner!
Lucy?
(BARKING)
There you are.
(BARKING CONTINUES)
(BARKING RAPIDLY)
(LUCY WHINES)
Lucy.
(WHINES)
You're lucky you're so darned cute.
So, this mom comes
into the ER today with her son,
who has lodged M&Ms up his nose...
Plain or peanut?
That's what I said.
Anyway, there's this gaggle of doctors
trying to figure out which tweezers to use
and whether or not
they should sedate the poor kid,
because he is screaming hysterically.
So, just as they're about to book the OR,
I come running in with my hair dryer,
and I melt the chocolate mess
right out of his nose in about 30 seconds.
Brilliant, Mom.
Like you always say,
"Don't panic. Just work the problem."
You got it, kiddo.
So, what about you?
Anything exciting happen
in your world today?
Nah, just an average day
of middle school shenanigans.
Right, "average day."
(KISSES) Good night, munchkin.
What happened to this guy?
Every picture tells a story.
There's gotta be something here.
No markings, no serial numbers.
No etchings, no nothing.
(SIGHS)
Sooner or later, you're gonna make a mistake.
KARINA: And when you do,
I'm gonna be there.
(VIDEO GAME PLAYING)
Got you this time.
ANNOUNCER: Car 55 makes its move
and wins the Need for Speed Championship.
Still undefeated.
Now, that's what I'm talkin' about.
-ANNOUNCER: Press play to race again.
-(EXHALES)
Uh-oh. I know that look.
Listen up, K.
My advice is to stay as far away
from that cop as possible.
You sound like my mom.
-You told her about this?
-Heck, no.
She has a hard enough time
with my hall monitor gig.
Can you imagine
what she'd do if she saw this?
KARINA: Hey!
Whoa! I can't believe you got this on camera.
Camera?
Camera.
MAYOR: (ON TV)
While we at City Hall acknowledge
that certain alleged criminal shenanigans
may be causing some hypothetical unrest,
let me just say this.
Even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Rest assured, our police force will restore
full order before the weekend.
This is Mayor Marsh
looking forward to seeing you
at the Harvest Valley Festival.
(PHONE BEEPS)
(PHONE BEEPS)
(GASPS)
Quit doing that!
How did you know where to find me?
And why do you look like you just rolled out
of a low-budget buddy cop movie?
To answer your first question,
common police procedure,
called "deductive reasoning."
I saw the coffee cups
from this place on your dash
and on your desk yesterday.
As for your second question,
this is my undercover outfit,
so no one suspects I'm on the case.
Yeah, that's pretty inconspicuous.
So, do you normally take
valuable evidence out for breakfast?
I'm not exactly on this case right now.
Goin' rogue. Love it!
Do you normally
just skip school whenever you want to?
Obscure school holiday today called
(WHISPERS) Saturday.
But us dedicated detectives
never take a day off, am I right?
Anyway, I don't get it.
This thing just looks like a kid's toy to me.
Carbon-fiber blades,
composite body, maybe some Kevlar.
This is no kid's toy.
How do you know about all that stuff?
How do you not?
I'm a little resistant to technology.
I'm not one to let gadgets take over my life.
Noticed your flip phone.
(CHUCKLES) I think you're safe.
No, I already checked.
No slot, no memory card.
Yeah, but most of these cameras
have a built-in memory.
A tiny hard drive that might...
A-ha!
(CLICKS)
This must be the drone's
last known flight path.
(DRONE BUZZING)
-How did...
-Killer tech program at my school.
You should meet
my science teacher, Miss McKean.
She's crazy smart and actually pretty cute.
-If you're looking.
-I'm not.
So, are you married, dating?
Divorced.
Imagine that.
-(CLICKING)
-(DRONE BUZZING)
KARINA: I don't recognize any of this.
I do.
It's the old industrial district.
Good work, kid. Now, go home.
Get out of the car, kid!
-But I found you this lead.
-Out.
(SIGHS)
(BARKING)
Uber?
Old industrial district.
(MACHINERIES HISSING)
(BOTH SCREAM)
Come on! What did I say?
And what did I say?
This is my lead.
If I hadn't texted you,
you'd be doing whatever it is you do
after your greasy,
artery-choked breakfast, like...
Shaving, maybe?
Give me that.
How did you even get my phone number?
There's this new invention called the Internet.
It's super-cool, has all kinds of information.
Saw your Boy Scout photo by the way.
You made Tenderfoot.
Do you hear that?
Hold this.
(SIGHS)
Tired of paying for doors.
Learn that at the Academy?
Boy Scouts.
Now, for the last time, get outta here.
Jackpot.
(SIGHS)
I thought I told you to get out of here.
(KARINA GASPS)
Hey, what's the deal?
Someone's watching us.
Think it's the perp?
Don't say "perp." It sounds ridiculous.
I'm gonna go check it out.
Don't move.
(CONVEYOR BELTS BEEPING)
Move! Move! Move!
(BOTH PANTING)
When I do what I'm about to do,
you run as fast as you can
for that loading dock, okay?
What are you about to do?
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!
Hey! Hey! Right here!
Hey! Over here! Right here!
(SCREAMS)
(GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS) Ow! Ow, ow.
Detective!
Get out! Now!
Come on, hurry!
(GRUNTING)
(BOTH PANTING)
Why are you running like that?
Do you always run like that?
The lasers zapped my arms. I can't feel them.
Phew! Because if you always ran like that,
and I was, like, the first person
to tell you it was strange...
Stop talking.
(GRUNTS)
Let me get that for ya.
(YELLS)
-(SEATBELT CLICKS)
-Yeah.
You better let me drive.
You can't drive, you're eight.
I'm 12.
And you haven't seen me play Need for Speed.
Don't panic.
Work the problem.
What are you doing?
I can't drive, and you can't drive,
but we can drive.
Hit it!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
We're in reverse!
What do you expect? I'm 12!
Turn the wheel!
(BOTH SCREAMING)
All this from video games?
Yeah. They're pretty realistic these days.
I mean, I'm not saying
I could land a fighter jet
on an aircraft carrier or anything, but...
You know, I probably could.
They're gaining on us.
Got an idea.
Hard right!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
And brakes! Now!
Got 'em.
Well done, kid. I guess.
Did you just smile?
I think you just smiled.
(LAUGHING)
I think the feeling is starting to come back.
Thanks for saving my life back there.
So, you gotta admit, I'm a part of this now.
We're totally partners.
We're not partners.
I'm probably going to need
a badge and a gun.
So, back to HQ, right?
Karina.
I'm the adult here, okay?
I'm the one who gets to decide
where we go next.
Okay, but you should go left here.
We gotta go back to the station.
Download them
on everything that's been happening.
That is exactly what I am going to do.
You, I'm going to leave with your parents,
fill them in on what's been going on.
It's just my mom.
My dad died.
He was a cop.
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
I was pretty young.
I only remember bits and pieces of him.
My mom said he wanted me to have this.
Looks like the one I had
when I was in uniform.
I take it with me most of the time.
I mean, it's not like I'd ever use it.
I just like having a part of him close to me.
So, that's why you want to be a cop?
It's in my blood.
Anyway, we should probably turn around
and head for the station.
Negative.
Fine. Then I won't share
the evidence I picked up back there
while you were playing
patty-cake with those drones.
What evidence?
Oh. I don't have anything.
What? How could you lie to me?
Well, you wouldn't have
brought me here otherwise.
-That's exactly my...
-CAPTAIN: Simmons!
The Captain is a woman? Love that.
I assume there's a good reason
why you have brought a child
into the middle of our bullpen.
Good reason?
Nope, I don't have one of those.
I'm his new partner.
CAPTAIN: In my office, now.
And bring your new partner with you.
-She's not my partner.
-Yes, she is.
Listen, I'm not supposed
to be active on this case, remember?
So, she's gonna be a little edgy.
Don't worry. We made such a big break.
She's gonna love it.
And if all else fails,
we'll give her our cute faces.
See?
Okay, now let's see yours.
Any time, Detective.
Well, uh...
Detective Simmons and I are working
the Badge Bandit case together.
-Is that right?
-Actually, we're not.
Turns out this perp
has been committing the crimes
with next-generation, souped-up drones.
Drones?
Mmm-hmm.
No forced entry, no fingerprints,
able to access tight spaces.
Right.
So, this morning, I followed a lead that
turned up a secret manufacturing facility,
-where I found a dozen of those machines...
-(CLEARING THROAT)
I think you meant to say "we."
Actually, I didn't.
Well, go ahead.
Ask him where he got the lead.
-What is the most important thing is that I...
-We.
...might have gotten
a glimpse of someone on the scene
who could be our suspect,
but before I could question him, I...
We got into a gnarly scrape
with a bunch of those drones,
and Detective Simmons
went full-on superhero mode,
took a couple laser zaps for me...
And came straight here to fill you in.
You didn't tell her the best part.
-I think she's heard plenty.
-CAPTAIN: No.
No, sweetie, I'd love to hear more.
I drove.
The squad car?
Yeah. Well, sort of.
It was more of a team effort.
So, anyway, the drones were hot on our tail,
so we threw some
evasive maneuvers at them and lost 'em.
It was totally superb. Right, partner?
(EXHALES) Right, well...
I'm gonna get a team out there
to check the warehouse.
What about me?
You can't tell me that I haven't
earned my way back on this case.
Not only are you not back on this case,
-you are suspended.
-What?
This is the third time
you have disobeyed a direct order,
and you somehow managed
to endanger a minor in the process.
Hand them over.
(SIGHS)
Now, I would like you to escort
this fine young lady back to her home,
and if I need anything more from you,
I'll call the diner.
(WHISPERS) Cute face.
Matthews, O'Leary!
Gear up!
We're gonna go check out that warehouse!
-MATTHEWS: We're so on it!
-O'LEARY: We're so on it!
Oh, God.
Maybe we should sneak back out there.
If they squeeze the perp from the warehouse,
we'll be there to grab him.
Would you quit saying "perp"?
It's short for "perpetrator."
Anyway, they're not gonna find anything.
This guy's too smart for that.
He's long gone by now.
Now, you heard the Captain, young lady.
I'm escorting you home.
But first, we need to check on something.
Wait, but you just said you were...
I get it now.
I need you to talk to
our tech specialist, Oliver, for me,
because I don't speak nerd.
You know, when you're asking for help,
you could be a little more...
What's the word? Nice.
-(COMPUTER BEEPING)
-(CLEARS THROAT)
Oh. Hey, so I ran some tests
on that battery that you gave me,
and the ampere capacity is insane.
Like, how much, 500, 600?
Try 25,000.
Whoa!
Might have to translate.
(WHISPERS) Flip phone.
Uh, the idea is that capacity for a cell this size
is usually measured in hours.
-This one would be measured in days.
-Or weeks.
All that from a little battery?
Small, but very potent.
Like me.
Even the best consumer drones
can only fly for 10, maybe 15 minutes.
A drone with this much power could stay aloft
indefinitely without recharging.
With an energy source this size,
the speed would be ridonkulous.
Plus, those mini-laser weapons
would have the power to melt steel.
This is military-grade stuff.
More range, more power.
CAPTAIN: (ON RADIO)
Okay, everyone, stand by. Keep a look out.
More damage.
This guy is planning something bigger.
CAPTAIN: The warehouse is totally clean.
No drones, no humans, no nothing.
You were right, but now what?
He and his drones could be anywhere.
And we have no way to track them.
I have a way to track them.
(YELPS) I hate these things!
(SIGHS)
What did you mean back there about
having ways to track the drones?
I'm about to show you some real police work.
No cameras, no gadgets, no hard drives
that make scary whirring noises.
We're going old school.
Cops today rely too much on technology.
It's put a void
between the citizens and the police.
Before computers,
we had to be out on the streets.
Among the people,
taking the pulse of the city.
When it comes down to it,
good police work is all about relationships.
What's shakin', Detective?
You know that guy?
Listen up, gentlemen,
for the next three minutes,
Slim-Mart havin'
a "Do Not Ask Where It Come From" sale.
I got all the best.
Genuine Gucci, Tory Burch, Coach.
That looks like a hustle.
I bet it's all counterfeit.
Hey, Slim, how's business?
Detective Simmons. My man.
It just me, or the rookies
getting younger and younger all the time?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
I could use a little information, Slim.
And Slim needs to write
seven alimony checks by Saturday.
(GRUNTS) You like this one?
Absolutely not.
We'll take it.
You know anything about a psycho
who likes to play with drones?
Oh, Slim know lots of psychos,
but what the heck's a drone?
An unmanned, video-piloted quadcopter.
Slim don't know nothin' 'bout that,
but Slim will toss some stones into the water,
see what ripples.
-You're not gonna arrest him?
-For what?
Peddling counterfeit goods,
selling without a permit,
referring to himself in the third person?
You gotta pick your battles, kid.
Slim has got connections that the cops don't.
If someone is making souped-up drones,
that someone might need guys to help him.
Guys who Slim might associate with.
Slim was definitely shady.
Whatever. I can't accept that.
There's nothing illegal about that bag.
Uh, it's totally counterfeit.
Look a little closer.
"Coach" is not spelled with a "K."
Something just isn't sitting right.
It's that disgusting food you eat.
Even my dog, Lucy,
would turn her butt to that.
I mean, the Badge Bandit's been running
the department in circles for weeks.
He's always one step ahead of us,
like he knows
what we're gonna do before we do it.
You know what my dad would say?
Sometimes the most obvious answer
is the right one.
So, who would know that much
about police procedure?
An ex-cop would know exactly
how to stage a crime scene.
Interesting theory.
-Sure you don't want a bite?
-Ew!
Processed food can lead to high cholesterol,
high blood pressure, chronic grumpiness...
I don't worry about it.
What about your close family and friends?
Don't have any.
I researched you online.
You were a rock-star cop,
all kinds of accolades and awards.
What changed?
It was one case.
You've been gone all day.
Won't your mother be getting worried?
I texted her to let her know I was okay.
Texting, right.
(PHONE BEEPING)
See? You like it.
I know, you should totally get a phone
that doesn't have the word "flip" in it,
and we should FaceTime.
-"FaceTime"?
-It's like a video chat
where you can talk
while looking at each other.
Isn't that what we're doing right now?
(GROANS)
(ALARM BLARING)
MAN: Oh, it smells terrible.
Oh... Oh...
I'm a cop. What's going on?
(PANTING) They exploded.
Every toilet in the building.
Please. You have to
do something, Officer. Please.
WOMAN: Oh, no. Gosh.
(SIMMONS READING)
(CAMERA CLICKS)
(CONTINUES READING)
(SIGHS) City Hall.
This guy is getting brash.
(SIRENS BLARING)
Come on.
Karina, you're a good kid with great instincts.
Your dad would be proud.
But things are escalating,
and I can't have you getting hurt.
You understand?
Oh.
Okay.
Almost forgot. Found something of yours.
You found that?
Pretty crafty.
Exactly how much have you shared with
your mother about this whole adventure?
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Well, just sort of bits and pieces.
You know,
just like little nuggets here and there.
-You haven't told her anything.
-No.
I'm going to have to speak with her.
Wait, wait, wait. No. Wait, wait.
(PANTING)
Ah! Dang it!
Maybe
you could say I signed up
for a ride-along program.
The Counterfeit Handbag Task Force.
-Nothing dangerous.
-Karina.
Oh. Uh...
Hi, ma'am.
(SIMMONS STAMMERING)
Mom, this is Detective Simmons.
Oh, no. What did she do?
Oh. Uh...
Nothing. (CHUCKLES) No, no, no, no, no.
(SCOFFS) She's not in trouble.
Actually, she's, uh...
She's great.
I'm sorry, I was just on the treadmill.
Oh, no, you look really good.
I mean, uh...
Exercise, uh, that's really good.
(CHUCKLES)
So, I'm assuming there's a reason
my daughter was brought home
by a police officer?
Counterfeit Handbag Task Force.
-Karina.
-Karina.
Actually, she came upon an investigation
that was just unfolding, and...
Let me guess, she offered assistance?
-That she did.
-He needed it.
(SING-SONG) Karina.
May I speak with
Detective Simmons in private, please?
You and I will have our own chat later.
Thank you.
So, did she tell you about her father?
She did.
I can't tell you how sorry I am.
She's a carbon copy of him.
She's just got it in her mind
this is what she wants to do.
I have to say, she has some natural talent.
Just promise me,
if she shows up, and she probably will,
you'll keep her out of trouble.
I promise.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
-Simmons.
-Hi, partner.
Hi, yourself.
I just wanted to say thanks
for not mentioning the zapping drones,
car chases and all that stuff.
Well, no need to upset your mom more
now that you're done with all this, right?
Right, Karina?
-Yeah, I promise.
-Good.
You can still be my unofficial consultant
in all of this.
I can keep you posted
on any new developments.
Text me the updates.
Right.
Did you just smile?
It sounded like you just smiled.
I'd be able to see it
if you had a phone from this century.
Good night, Karina.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
I said good night already.
DISTORTED VOICE: But we have
so much to talk about, Detective.
I thought it might be time for me to say hello,
since we didn't have
a formal introduction at the warehouse.
Nice investigative work, by the way.
You seem to be the only one capable
of following the breadcrumbs I've left
for your pathetic police force.
Don't you mean our police force, pal?
Such irony. We could have been pals.
I would have liked that very much.
But it looks like our paths are destined
to collide in a much different way.
We're onto you.
It's only a matter of time,
you know that, don't you?
You're only as close
as I'm allowing you to get, Detective.
I could end this game anytime with one click.
Over here!
The Badge Bandit was one of us.
I don't listen to random theories
from suspended officers.
He just called me.
This is a wild goose chase.
Everyone who used to be a cop here
is either retired, in their 80s,
or moved to another state.
Keep digging. All of you, keep digging.
Zero in on the guys
who got fired or who left disgruntled.
Anyone with an ax to grind.
Man, I haven't seen so many cops in one place
since we put on that talent show
at the Academy.
-The Academy.
-What is it, Simmons?
What if it's not an ex-cop, but a wannabe cop?
Somebody who wanted
to be on the force but never made it.
That would certainly be grounds
for a vendetta.
Matthews, O'Leary,
get me a list of all police recruits
that did not make the cut in the past 15 years.
We don't keep those files here.
We'd have to access the Academy database.
(SIGHS)
(SIGHS) I really wish you guys would just
take the computer classes that I offered.
All right, I'm in.
Hold it. Why is that picture all distorted?
It's like someone messed with the file.
Why would a civilian recruit
wear a full uniform for his application pic?
I think that's a Halloween costume.
The name is Wendell Dewey.
Failed his psych eval,
antisocial personality disorder.
Can you unblur the picture?
I could try to run some
facial recognition software on this,
but it's just a beta program.
It could take a while with an image this bad.
I have no clue
what you just said, but make it happen.
-In the meantime, we need an address.
-I'm on it.
This all makes sense.
An obsessed wannabe cop out for revenge
against the institution that rejected him.
Strong work, Detective.
Yeah, it's a shame
I'm not on the case anymore.
I don't even have a badge
or a gun.
Oh! This goes against every fiber of my being.
But you're the lead on this again.
-Thanks, Cap.
-No, don't thank me.
Thank that nutjob for calling you.
I got an address.
-Let's do this!
-Let's do this!
(SIRENS BLARING)
Let's take this guy down.
-BOTH: One!
-Wait a second.
-BOTH: Two!
-Isn't this...
BOTH: Three!
(GASPS)
What the heck is going on here?
Uh, Mr. Mayor, sir, there's, uh, been a mistake.
You think so?
MAYOR: Damn!
"Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,
that's not my house, by now you know.
"Tomorrow's chaos is just for show.
"Harvest Fest will be real, though."
"Tomorrow's chaos"?
(MAILBOX WHIRRING)
(GASPING)
-Give me a "D."
-GIRLS: "D."
-Give me an "E."
-GIRLS: "E."
Give me an "A."
Wait, how do you spell "defense"?
(ZAPPING)
(SCREAMS)
With the festival just two days away,
this is a city in chaos.
I mean, how do you even cover
a person in cotton candy?
What will these
renegade drones think of next?
Due to the recent dastardly acts
besieging our beloved city,
I have no choice but to postpone, not cancel,
but postpone this year's
Harvest Valley Festival,
until the responsible party
has been brought to justice.
Man, that's all kinds of hoopty.
In no way
should this decision be misconstrued
as me thinking our police force
has been exposed
as being utterly incompetent.
We just can't have people thinking
that we don't have the faintest idea
how to keep our citizens safe.
(BANGING)
Nobody's safe!
(BEEPS)
This whole thing has gotten out of hand.
It's time I get back in the game.
Come on, K. You promised him.
Bobby C, deep down he knows he needs me.
This city needs me.
-Sugar?
-Good God!
Really?
You have to stop doing that.
Do you have a home,
or do you actually live in this coffee shop?
We had a deal, remember?
I just thought you might
need some backup, partner.
You're not a cop, and you're not my partner.
Karina, we know who this guy is,
and any friend of the police force
is an enemy of his.
I'm sorry I snapped at you.
I'm just
frustrated.
With this case or the old one?
You ever gonna tell me
what happened that night?
It doesn't matter.
It matters to me.
Even though you try real hard to pretend
you don't care about things,
I know you do.
I see it in the way you protect me
and in the way
you fumbled around in front of my mom.
Whatever happened before
doesn't make you who you are today.
(PHONE VIBRATING)
(SNIFFS) Simmons.
Yeah, Slim, what do you got?
Gucci wallets, yeah,
put me down for two of them.
You got an address? Hold on.
2575 52nd Street. 2575 52nd Street.
You got a pen?
Yeah, got it, Slim. Thanks.
Slim just got a tip
on some heavy drone activity.
Two minutes from here.
-Back on the case.
-SIMMONS: You are not back on the case.
What are we waiting for?
Let's go bust down some doors and get him.
You're starting to sound like me.
But judges do not write search warrants
based on tips from guys named Slim.
So, we might be here for a while.
(SIGHS)
This is how you properly fuel a stakeout.
(SNIFFS)
That's the good stuff right there.
Kale, spinach, a little turmeric.
-What?
-It's a root.
Really good for constipation.
By the way, you should be having
two to three good bowel movements per day.
Preferably S-shaped, and...
Okay, enough.
(RETCHING)
I know, probably a shock to your system,
but a couple of those a day
and you'll feel like a new man.
"A new man."
Right.
I once had a partner.
We were pursuing a really bad guy
but he got the jump on us
and took him hostage.
I had the chance to take the shot,
but I hesitated.
I was afraid I'd shoot my partner by mistake.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
I...
I just couldn't pull the trigger.
So,
what happened?
The guy got away.
Went on to do some really bad things,
and I could've stopped him.
I think my dad would've
made the same choice.
You're pretty sharp for a pipsqueak.
(CHUCKLES)
(DRONE WHIRRING)
KARINA: I know.
(IMITATING SIMMONS) "Stay in the car."
I'm tempted to handcuff you to the wheel.
I'd still find a way.
Freeze! Hands in the air!
(GRUNTS)
Ah!
That's not good.
Karina, he trusted you to stay in the car.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GROANING)
I'm coming for you, partner!
Seriously?
(GROANING)
(YELLING)
Move, and I'll slime you.
All right, dirtball, come clean.
I'll handle this.
All right, dirtball, come clean.
Come clean about what?
About the drones, about everything.
Okay, I'm Daniel Woo.
I have a bunch of drones,
and I like to fly them.
So, why did you run?
Some scraggly dude
breaks into my apartment,
pulls a gun on me, what am I supposed to do?
Told you, you should shave.
You assaulted a police officer.
I think you know more than that.
You never identified yourself,
so I did what I had to do.
Wait a sec,
you think I'm part of
all this criminal drone stuff?
Not anymore. (GROANS)
Hey, sorry about kicking your butt. You okay?
Yeah, what are you,
some kind of ninja or something?
Oh, right, yeah,
just 'cause I'm Asian, I must be a ninja.
That's not what I meant.
-That's what it sounded like to me.
-That's how I took it.
(PHONE RINGING)
This is Mr. Woo,
President of the local drone club,
in what is arguably the worst week
to be the President of the local drone club.
See if he can give you anything worthwhile,
then turn him loose.
-Oh, please tell me that's our guy.
-He's not our guy.
(SIGHS)
And why are you here?
I apprehended him.
-Of course you did.
-DISPATCHER: Captain.
Getting another report of drones.
Dozens of them moving through town,
right down Main Street.
(SIGHS) Oliver!
Can you locate those drones
through satellite feeds or traffic cams?
I'm still working on that
facial recognition scan.
Just do it.
Stay here.
CAPTAIN: Look at all of them.
It's like they're being
beckoned by some kind of mothership.
The Mayor made the right call
postponing the festival.
The festival's postponed?
I was gonna take my mom.
If only we could infiltrate that squadron,
it would lead us
right to his base of operations.
Yeah, but how do we do that
without the drones seeing us?
I have no idea.
I do.
We go undercover as drones.
That's brilliant.
We just need someone
who'd offer up a couple of his drones.
Not really in the mood for any favors.
How many do you need?
(SIZZLING)
CAPTAIN: Perfect match.
Well done, people.
Okay, here's the plan.
We are going to infiltrate
the suspect's drone cluster with our decoys,
then going to follow them back to his hideout.
Oliver, you'll pilot the decoys.
Oh, uh, I don't know about that.
Not everyone's qualified
to do actual police stuff.
We need you, Oliver.
SIMMONS: You know, Cap,
I think Karina should pilot one of the drones.
She's a whiz at that kind of thing.
I'm not saying she could land a fighter jet
on an aircraft carrier or anything.
Actually, she probably could.
CAPTAIN: That's a good idea.
She'll be safe here,
away from any physical danger,
and if one of the drones goes down,
the other one will finish the job.
Roger that, Cap.
Meanwhile, Detective Simmons
will lead a small tactical unit
to tail the drones to their landing site.
BOTH: Banzai!
Let's take this guy down.
I got a pack of 'em, headed west,
away from the downtown corridor.
I see them.
Maneuvering the decoys into the pack.
Nice and easy.
We're in.
Copy that. Good work, you two.
Matthews, O'Leary,
stay close but not too close.
Don't want those drones
spotting us on their tail.
-MATTHEWS AND O'LEARY: Banzai!
-(BANGS)
Or mine.
-MATTHEWS: Sorry.
-O'LEARY: Sorry.
Entering some kind of warehouse,
and the eagles have landed.
I repeat, the eagles have landed.
I've always wanted to say that.
(IMITATES EXPLOSION)
We are on scene, and we're going radio silent.
Keep your drone cameras rolling
for any sign of Dewey.
KARINA: Copy that.
Let's go.
The mother lode.
The mother lode.
But where's the Bandit?
I don't get it.
All this evidence just sitting around.
Well, without his drones, he's done.
Hey, guys, check this out.
It's an order for drone parts.
"I've made my point, so loud and clear.
"It's time for me to disappear.
"The game is over, my rhymes are done.
"If I were you, I'd surely run."
What's that supposed to mean?
(TIMERS TICKING)
It means run!
CAPTAIN: Let's go! Come on! Move it!
SIMMONS: Move it, Matthews!
Move it!
(EXPLOSION)
(ALL YELLING)
It was a trap!
Detective Simmons! Detective Simmons!
Are you okay? I repeat, are you okay?
Detective Simmons!
Detective Simmons, can you hear me?
Everybody is fine.
Can't say the same for the evidence, though.
They're okay.
Oh, thank goodness.
You all right?
Yeah.
Okay, well, I'm gonna go get
something from the snack machine.
Do you want anything?
No, thanks. I still got some smoothie left.
CAPTAIN: I guess Dewey thought
we were getting too close,
so he decided
to pull the plug on his operation
and go out with a bang.
Literally.
But what was the point?
Like the poem said,
to make us look bad in the eyes of the city.
But in a weird way,
all he did was bring out the best in us.
In you.
I mean, like Oliver said,
not everyone is qualified
to do real police stuff.
Oliver.
(SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE)
Oh, no. Karina.
Oops.
Why are you driving so fast?
It was him all along!
It's the same writing.
SIMMONS: He's great with computers.
He can fly the heck out of a drone.
He even gave us the Mayor's address
when we thought
we were going to Dewey's place.
He knew about the plan tonight!
That's why he brought
the drones back to their home base,
so he could blow them all to smithereens!
Are you saying
that Oliver is working with Dewey?
I'm saying that Oliver is Dewey.
OLIVER: I really wish you hadn't found that.
-(DOORS SHUT)
-(GASPS)
And yes, I know.
My "O's" really need some work.
You're the Badge Bandit.
I would've gone with a different name.
I feel like the press really has no imagination.
-SIMMONS: (ON RADIO) Karina!
-(GASPS)
Karina, are you there?
(CRACKLES)
(PANTING)
There's nowhere to hide, Karina.
Karina, are you there?
You must think you're pretty smart.
I mean, I'll give you this.
You're smarter than the morons
that they let work here.
(OLIVER CHUCKLES)
I had them completely flummoxed by my plan,
looking like the fools they are.
-(SCREAMS)
-How telling
that they needed
the help of a little girl to get a clue.
Don't you see?
We both wanted to be cops,
and everyone dismissed us.
We're not so different, you and me.
I'm nothing like you.
Let her go, Oliver. Or should I say, "Dewey."
Look at you with your badge and your gun,
looking all heroic.
See, that's...
That's all I ever wanted,
but they turned me down.
They said that I wasn't fit to wear the uniform.
Imagine that?
But why go to all the trouble with drones,
pulling all those
stupid pranks around the city?
My pranks exposed the truth
about you and your fellow officers.
That when push comes to shove,
you can't serve or protect a thing!
Take the shot, Detective!
Why now?
Technology takes time to perfect.
Except for facial-recognition software.
That stuff works pretty well already.
Do it! Take the shot!
I trust you!
I can't. I can't take the chance.
Then go old school.
I've always hated those things.
This is what a real police badge looks like.
Take him to the holding cell.
O'LEARY: You're done, buddy.
-MATTHEWS: Like a chicken dinner.
-(SIGHS)
Congratulations, Detective.
Couldn't have done it without my partner.
CAPTAIN: I couldn't agree more.
Well done.
You okay?
I blew it.
(LAUGHING) What are you talking about?
I was with Oliver all night. I...
I should've known he was Dewey.
What kind of cop am I?
(SIGHS)
That's just it, Karina.
You're not a cop.
But someday, you're gonna make a great one.
Right now you're a kid,
and a pretty great one of those, too.
MATTHEWS: Mayor just gave us
a primo shout-out on the news,
then announced the festival is back on.
We are so hitting the hayride! (GRUNTS)
(LAUGHING)
Something tells me
you're not much of a parade guy, right?
Actually, I love parades.
(CHUCKLES)
(CROWD CHEERING)
It's about time, Deputy.
I'm not your deputy.
MAN: Congratulations!
So, the Badge Bandit is finally behind bars?
Yes, ma'am.
Congratulations,
and thank you for keeping her safe.
(LAUGHING)
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
What are you laughing at?
Picturing all the fun stuff
you're missing out there?
Oh, I'm not missing a thing.
(BEEPS)
(PHONE BEEPS)
"Rub-a-dub-dub, your bust was a flub.
"No matter what you believe,
you just might cry if you look to the sky
"to see the last trick I had up my sleeve."
(WHIRRING)
Look, there's a float in the sky.
No, it's a giant drone.
I hate those things.
-Oh!
-(SCREAMS)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
(SCREAMING)
(GASPS)
(CRACKLES)
-Karina!
-I've got her, Sarah! Run!
Okay.
We've got to take this thing down!
I have an idea,
but I need you to stay right here.
You should know better than that by now.
(WHIMPERING)
I was gonna run for governor.
(CRYING) I still have shoes I've never worn.
Hi, fellas. I need a favor.
Do you think this thing still works?
She'll fire, but only a spark.
We got one shell to make a spark.
Now, the thing that goes boom
goes in there and comes out there.
Just make sure to put these in here.
Gunpowder's not going to be enough.
We need to find something
to shoot outta this thing.
How about
this?
Karina, are you sure?
Positive.
It's headed for the station!
(GRUNTS)
A little left!
A little more!
SIMMONS: It's too heavy.
This thing weighs a ton!
(RUMBLING)
Who are you again?
I'm her deputy.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
We've gotta take it out now.
Fire!
Direct hit!
(BEEPING RAPIDLY)
Oh. No.
(EXPLODES)
(CHEERING)
Now, that's what I'm talking about!
(ALL CHEERING)
Yes!
Oh! Boo-ya!
Karina!
I am so proud of you.
Just an average day.
ALL: Aw.
KARINA: I learned a lot from
my days on the front lines of the police force.
Mostly, I learned
that I have plenty of time to become a cop.
Right now, I'm cool with being a kid.
Hey, Karina.
There's a party at my place on Friday.
You wanna come?
Okay. Sounds fun.
Cool, and invite your friend, Bobby C.
-Will do.
-Bye.
KARINA: And really, when it comes down to it,
good police work is all about relationships.
Morning, Officer.
I believe this belongs to you.
Way to go, kiddo.
KARINA: But don't get me wrong,
in this day and age,
even the most old-school curmudgeons
need to make room for a little technology.
"Pretty slow on my watch. You?"
"Hope you're prepared."
(PHONE CHIMES)
(CAMERA CLICKS)
(CHUCKLES)
(WHIRRING)
All right, kicking down doors is an art,
one that is totally underappreciated
by today's rookies.
So, we're gonna start
with your basic surprise burst-in maneuver.
You line yourself up,
you square yourself up to your target,
you lock in your core
so that you can swivel it
to a 45-degree angle, just like...