Coursier (2010) Movie Script
Got him.
I ice him here in public?
We sit tight till he has the package.
Meet me at the bike.
Got ya.
COURSIER
He's logging on.
- Connected.
- Send him the assignment.
Tomorrow 8AM. St. Georges parking garage.
Loki, we're here just in case.
We'll lie low till tomorrow morning.
Sam, where the hell are you? You're late!
I had to make a detour to avoid the protest march.
Not my problem. Before 6, it's ultra-express.
I'm nearly there, boss.
Nearly? You're not there yet?
Move it! You're not paid by the hour.
Pli Express means just that. Express!
Hear me?
Where are you? Do I hear the engine?
I'm doing my best!
6 o'clock, Sam.
Or it's free.
Excuse me...
Great!
4th floor.
Hold it!
Pli Express, Zero Stress!
Yeah, sure, but it was for 6PM.
Everybody's left for the weekend.
Shit!
I'll take them anyway, seeing as it's free.
Of course.
Here...
- Evening, sir.
- Dad?
Documents, please.
You do traffic now?
I do traffic when I want if you're on the road.
Documents, please.
License, insurance.
What a joke...
- License, insurance.
- Thank you, sir.
Dad, it's me, your son, Sam.
You seen the state of your tires?
- Bad boy!
- Not the tire routine!
Bald tires are dangerous.
- So, two one-way streets...
- Go on...
One sidewalk...
- Have fun.
- 6 points.
It's for your own good. You'll thank me later.
Have a nice day, sir.
Have a nice day, dad.
So I'm doing a wheelie.
I keep it up for two miles. I drop it down, bend,
and I say to the boss,
Those exhausts are dynamite,
but with the Nitro accessories,
the Zoomer ain't a scooter,
it's a fighter plane!
Know what he says?
He grabs me, looks me in the eye and says,
Ice, the freshest courier in Paris
has the freshest scooter in Paris.
And who's that? It's the Ice Man.
The smoothest dude on a scoot!
I was wondering if maybe it's possible
to have an Express bonus this week.
Get real, Sam. What's the big idea?
You want 100 euros, a coffee? What else?
You take me for George Clooney?
Some people do.
What's so funny?
Check this out...
Yeah, I can see it now.
100 euros bonus? Not even 50.
I ruin myself to upgrade the workplace.
Especially your office.
How about upgrading the scooters?
Go easy!
You know how much that costs? A month's salary.
Yours, not mine.
- You were saying?
- It's just...
- What'd you do with 20 euros?
- 100
Think of the tax. Big money, big worries.
Ice got 5 Express bonuses this week.
I gotta stop you.
Ice is Ice.
The bottom line?
I won't pay you more.
I won't pay you more, 'cos you're not worth more.
- Seriously?
- Seriously.
Thanks...
for nothing.
Eco-bikes, The Way Forward!
The Scooter's Green Future
Alright, Sam?
- You get your bonus?
- No.
Is that all?
Come see me some time, I'll teach you to ride.
Bring Nadia. Let her see a real man.
- Forget Nadia, OK?
- Give her my love.
What's up?
What's your problem?
- What are you playing at?
- Get lost!
What's wrong with you?
You wanna get fired?
I don't know...
- What do you think?
- That's so them.
No, they're too tight-assed for that.
Actually, we'll take this one, please.
You lost out. You promised to nail the bonus.
Just wait till I'm my own boss.
Tomorrow, 9:30?
Thanks, bye.
In my company...
The Green Riders, I know.
- We'll use electric scooters.
- Zero pollution
Zero pollution, that's important.
Act today for a better tomorrow.
What matters is the idea.
- And I had the idea first.
- Quit dreaming.
You an eco-warrior? You don't even recycle.
So what?
What's the yellow garbage can for?
You see.
Where you gonna get the seed money?
You can't negotiate a 100-euro bonus.
You can't do it!
That's different. Don't get wound up.
Forget it.
Nadia...
What's bugging you, baby?
- Is it Anne-Marie's wedding?
- No.
Stop it, I can see that it is
- It's not the wedding.
- What then?
Yes, it's Anne-Marie's wedding! Don't you get it?
Not even 30 and my sister has everything.
- Now she's getting married.
- To a dentist!
That's your dream guy?
Sure, why not!
They'll have beautiful offices, a beautiful home
and beautiful kids...
With beautiful teeth! That's what counts.
Are you serious?
Hi, mom.
No, we won't forget the wedding cake.
Don't worry.
Big kiss, bye.
Baby...
Goodnight, honey.
Goodnight, Casper.
You have 24 hours.
Louise, I'm on my way.
You swap at Hotel du Louvre. Confirm.
Confirmed. I'll be right there.
Meet you there with Loki.
Shit!
- I can't do it
- They'll never believe it.
- Who won't believe what?
- Nothing.
That you're your own boss.
- What did you tell your family?
- It's cool.
What did you tell them?
The Green Riders, that's the plan, isn't it?
So it's not like a lie. It's the truth, on credit.
Why'd you do that? You airhead!
I haven't patented the idea. Anyone can steal it.
I keep telling you, patent it.
You see?
Don't get on my case.
Look at my idea for photos on phone cards
to North Africa,
the camel with the red scarf at Xmas.
It's lucky I patented it.
Bill Gates is kicking himself.
What's wrong?
Let it go. She's uptight.
I want to help, not get bawled at.
It's cool, and thanks for lending us your car.
- You'll fill her up?
- Sure.
It'll never fit.
- Good as new!
- Thanks, Rico.
Don't bother helping!
We shoulda got it delivered.
Why waste good money?
We can do it ourselves easier and safer. Toff?
Hold on, I'll help.
Slight problem.
Yeah, it won't fit.
- It will fit.
- Sam, it won't.
- Don't get upset, it will.
- I look upset?
A tad.
So what do we do?
- Eat the top layer.
- What?
That's so funny.
It won't fit!
What? No, nothing major.
A small complication, that's all.
Anyway, the cake's for this evening, huh?
I'm just kidding, mom.
Okay.
Tell Anne-Marie to...
chill out.
I'll call you back.
See, it fits.
What are we waiting for? There are no witnesses.
Not until he has the package.
Pli Express, Zero Stress
- No one'll notice the difference.
- Sam, please.
Hold this a second.
Gently!
- Sorry.
- It's really heavy.
- Yeah, boss?
- An emergency.
Today, I can't. It's Nadia's sister's wedding.
It's a tiny little job. 10 minutes tops.
Very important client. A new client.
I give it to Ice or you want the bonus?
I'll be right there.
- Whaddya mean?
- I got my bonus!
It'll only take me 10 minutes tops.
10 minutes?
It's taking too long.
I'll go up, you block the exit.
Hi!
Pli Express.
You called us up?
You called?
Great offices.
What business you in?
Personal delivery.
5th district. Who's it for?
Ask for Mr. Loki.
Give it to him...
and no one else.
Is that clear?
Crystal clear.
Thanks.
Have a nice day.
No, I just picked up.
I gotta deliver to the 5th. 144, Rue Mouffetard.
A courier has the package.
- Grab him. I'll take care of Loki.
- No problem.
10 minutes or I'm coming over.
I'm on my way.
What's he want?
Maniac!
Are you nuts or what?
Freeze!
Loki got away.
Shit! The courier shook me off.
We gotta find him fast.
He had a sticker on the scooter.
Pli Express, Zero Stress.
Loki's moving again.
Shit! How's he go so fast?
Headed for the 5th.
That's downtown. U-turn!
Hi, Pli Express!
Personal delivery for Mr. Loki.
I'm Robert. What you drinking?
Nothing, I'm working. This isn't La Bourgogne?
Sure it is, but we're not a mailroom.
And I don't give free tours.
- What'll it be?
- We're fine.
- Let's go.
- What are you doing?
- What am I doing?
- I said to meet me here?
I waited a half-hour. We're late, let's go.
The guy gave me 100 euros for personal delivery.
Romeo and Juliet, what'll it be?
Nothing!
I told you, we're not a mailroom.
- What'll it be?
- A Coke.
And for the little lady?
- Coke, too.
- Two Cokes.
No, one Coke, two straws.
- A Coke for two?
- Yeah.
No wonder we're in the shit.
The GPS has him in the cafe opposite.
We're almost there.
We'll go straight to the church.
See you there.
- I'm leaving that at the bar.
- Hold on...
- Sorry, it's the straw...
- You idiot!
If this doesn't wash out, I swear...
When I get back, we're gone.
I can't see him.
Loki, where the hell are you?
He's gotta be in there.
What's going on?
Shut up!
What the hell's he doing?
Screw it!
What's going on, Loki?
This isn't Loki.
What?
Who are you?
The courier waiting for Mr. Loki.
What's going on? And who are you anyway?
- Stand up.
- You're in the bar?
Here I am...
Where are you?
Who's he?
I've got stuff to do. Come get your cash...
You still there?
Lady, where are you?
Can you see me?
- I'm wearing orange.
- Halloween, sit down.
Sit.
Who is this?
Shut up and drink up.
I've been waiting 15', stay polite.
Look at the wall. The little red dot.
I'm not playing.
See that?
What the hell? Why are you doing this?
Sit down and shut up.
From now on, you're our courier.
- Got that?
- What do you want?
I don't know if you're telling the truth,
but if Loki wants to play games, you're in.
Just do what we say
and you'll be fine.
Understand?
Who are you talking to?
Who's she?
- Who is she?
- She's with me.
Are you kidding me?
- Who is it?
- It's for the package.
That's enough. Have you paid? Let's go.
- Get rid of her.
- I can't.
- Right now!
- I can't.
What's going on? You're freaking me out.
You asked for it.
- You wanna play hardball?
- Don't. Please...
- Can you leave, please?
- Leave?
- Go on.
- Are you serious?
- Baby, move.
- What?
What's the weird look for?
3...
Is it my make-up?
2...
- You saw me put it on.
- Move!
- 1...
- Move!
How can you be such an idiot?
It's Coke, it won't wash out!
- 2 seconds. Time out.
- No 2 seconds!
The courier's done, he's off!
No more waiting! Pick up your package
from the office.
Stupid bitch!
Open up! Kill her!
Don't involve her!
Out the way!
Fire!
I'm not locked on.
Let me past!
Nadia!
You're coming with us!
This is the worst day of my life. I hate him!
Lady, if you need talk,
I very good listener, they say.
Shut up! Keep your eyes on the road!
I'm sorry...
Stop crying.
Where's she headed?
I don't know.
Where's your girlfriend headed?
- Pli Express. The office.
- Where's that?
Depends. We're all over Paris.
Where the hell is it?
Where is it?
23, Rue Ordener. 18th district.
Shoot him!
I'll get the package!
I'll get there faster than you. I'll go.
I'll deliver where you want. Zero stress.
Don't kill me! Leave her out of this!
No, honestly...
It's Polish.
Can't have been easy at school.
- Yeah, when I was a kid...
- We don't care!
- Got that?
- Got it.
Shut up!
Double-cross us and you won't have a name,
got that?
10, Rue du Soleil, 20th.
We know where you live.
I'm your courier now. OK, lady?
- What's wrong now?
- Miss.
I'm your courier, miss.
Ice, you seen Nadia?
- What?
- Have you seen Nadia?
Can't hear you.
Not now. Have you seen Nadia?
No sweat, she went home. Left this for you...
- Cool.
- Here...
Are you 12 years old?
This!
What's that?
Bills to pay most likely.
Where's the package?
My office! Now!
You've got it.
Your girlfriend said the client would drop by.
Is she nuts? Wants to get you fired?
- No, it's your Mr. Loki...
- What's going on?
I never saw anything like it.
A courier doesn't lose stuff.
What's this?
That? Nothing. A project.
It's mine.
You open lockers?
It's a cool idea.
Eco-couriers, classy!
Gotta get in first.
Gotta patent the concept.
- Need the capital, of course.
- That's capital!
Hand off my idea.
- Oh yeah?
- Or else what?
Or else the shit'll hit the fan!
That's right, have a good laugh.
Who are they?
You know them, Sam?
- Are they with you?
- Sort of.
Whaddya mean? Who are they?
The armed wing of Green Riders.
We were kidding. We're family.
It was a joke. We didn't mean anything.
Who are they?
What's going on now?
Kill 'em!
They're the competition. Hide!
Call 'em off! I'll give you the capital.
All of it!
Reload!
We'll talk later!
You explain the deal.
- Where you going?
- Outta here!
My Zoomer!
Ice, come back!
He has the package.
Shit!
My Zoomer!
My office.
I surrender.
We can be partners. 50-50?
70-30?
Your courier? Where can we find him?
Look, that's his name...
and address.
- What?
- It's Sharas.
- What do you want?
- Track a cellphone.
- Paris?
- In Paris, yeah.
Where do I deliver your damn package?
There's a key in it.
Credit card?
- A room key.
- Hotel du Louvre?
Got it.
Loki's delivering there. Pretend to be him.
We'll meet you there.
OK, you got it.
A minor slip-up, mom.
I know it's about to begin.
We'll go straight to the church.
We'll sneak in the back with the oldies!
Pain in the ass! My dress!
Where are you?
There's no number on the key. It's a huge hotel.
How do I find the right room?
Sam, what are you talking about?
Shit, it's you.
Sorry.
Who else?
I thought it was the other chick.
What other chick?
It's too complicated. I'll explain later.
You didn't open my letter, did you?
What letter?
What letter?
- Oh, that.
- That?
No, I didn't get time, baby.
What's this about a room key?
- It's the package!
- And there's a chick?
We're late for the wedding,
we missed the ceremony!
And you're meeting a chick in a hotel! No worries!
- I can explain.
- Where's my chauffeur-driven limo?
Champagne, the whole shebang. Where is it?
- Listen, baby.
- Don't baby me!
I'm sick of broken promises!
I need you here!
I told everyone Sam'd be there.
But he's not. Where's Sam?
Stop whining and listen.
You gotta get here...
Get here...
I love you. I'll be there, bye.
Me too, I...
He hung up on me.
You better be here, Sam. You just better, dammit!
Good afternoon.
I have a room here and I totally...
A room here?
Yes, of course.
What number?
That's just it. I forgot the room number.
You forgot your room number?
- I have the key card.
- Your name, please?
What name?
Name of what?
The name I booked under?
Sir also forgot his name?
Mr. Loki.
The Imperial Suite.
That's it, the Imperial Suite!
- How did I forget that?
- I'm so sorry.
Usually, at the Ritz, I'm in the Royal.
- I apologize.
- Only doing your job, Jacques.
- How are you?
- I'm fine.
And the wife?
I just need the card back.
It's that way.
Of course, I forgot.
Allow me to make it up to you.
- Something to nibble on?
- Sure, why not?
Something to drink, too.
I am so sorry.
We're there.
I only have cents. Share it.
Goodbye.
Jesus!
Baby, back off!
You'd better change your tone.
Sorry.
- You find the room?
- I'm there.
Running late?
You're not alone?
I'll call you back.
James Loki.
Nice to meet you.
We go in?
You know how many cameras are in there?
Don't worry,
our courier's terrified.
He'll do anything we want.
And then...
Oh yeah.
No time to bundle them up.
Sorry.
Not checking?
Sure, of course.
- Miss Nadia?
- That's me.
They're not for me?
From Sam?
What a surprise.
Great, it's all there.
Thanks and see you around.
- What's wrong?
- Come on.
You're an expert or not?
So, check.
- I took a look.
- Check, I said!
No way?
Afternoon, sir.
This is crazy!
Magnificent, truly.
- It's pure...
- Diamond.
- They're diamonds.
- No kidding.
- 100 carats, more or less.
- 100 carats?
I'd say more like...
1,000?
At least 1,000!
Definitely. You're nobody's fool.
I was just testing you. There's more than that.
Add in the little ones,
there must be 1,253 carats. 54 maybe.
You're short.
- Short?
- My bonus is missing.
What bonus?
My bonus! 10 grand!
- That's all I was given.
- Shut it!
- I don't have any more.
- 100,000! The usual rate.
100,000 euros?
Of course.
Sorry. 100 grand just for carrying a case?
And the dress stays on?
You got it easy!
I kill myself for 1,300 gross a month.
Get real, toots, there's a recession!
Look at you, in your thrift store dress.
The store where less is more.
It's Gucci.
It's not Gucci, it's Mutchi.
They suckered you, sweetie.
But you won't make a sap out of me.
I won't pay you more, you're not worth more.
I don't work with amateurs.
Who are you, asshole? You're not with Sphere.
Sure, I'm with Sphere.
- Let's see your tattoo.
- What tattoo?
Your tattoo.
No, my skin's too sensitive. Even the sun...
Spot the difference?
Deep down, Sam's a good guy.
He just needs shaking up now and then,
like us all.
My suit!
Cut that out, will you!
Sorry to interrupt,
this is Jacques at Reception.
Hi, Jacques.
We've had complaints about the noise.
- The noise?
- Yes, the noise.
Like fighting.
I'll be with you in a moment.
- Should I send security?
- No need.
- Rapist!
- We're consenting adults.
Spicing things up a bit.
My girlfriend's very playful.
A slight problem...
I'll hang up then.
If you don't mind.
Try to... I don't know...
No, don't try anything.
Do you have a suite?
On the same floor.
No hard feelings?
What's Sam up to? We're running pretty late.
A mystery! I love surprises.
Oh my God!
Shit!
That's not gonna do it.
He's taking too long.
Something's wrong.
What are you doing?
Hold on...
- Sam?
- What?
- Are you coming or what?
- I'm on my way.
What took you so long? Where are you?
In the hallway. Nadia, where are you?
In the limo with your buddy.
- Have you got it?
- Yeah, I've got it. Just wait.
What do you think we're doing?
Move it!
What limo? What buddy?
- Who do you mean?
- Your friend, Mr...
Loki!
He seems so cool!
And got a few bucks. Go into business with him.
Hold on...
He's not what you think! Get out of the car!
He's dangerous!
Don't listen to a word the bastard says!
- That's not nice.
- What did he say?
You bastard! Hand the phone back.
- She's having fun with me.
- Totally! Hurry, sweetie!
You better not hurt her, you fucker!
You fucker!
Sorry.
I got the case. Don't hurt her.
- Where're you at?
- What's he say?
I'll bring you the case. I'm leaving the hotel.
Your colleagues are outside.
- Who? My friends?
- Yeah, from Sphere.
- Stop! Hold on!
- Why?
Nadia's right, let's do business.
Mr. Loki!
- I need your card.
- Just a second.
What the hell's he doing?
This one?
That's right.
I give you the case,
not the guys in the van, right?
Well done, you're very sharp.
I thought you were a team. Why are you going solo?
The team's split up.
It's down to me,
alone, to deliver. And you're gonna help.
If I don't hand it over, what'll they do?
They'll kill me.
It's you...
or Nadia.
Time to choose.
Great!
If you wanna see her again, the Sacre Coeur, 9PM.
I'll call you back.
Come on, move your ass!
Get in.
Quick!
Over there!
Shit!
We lost him!
Bunch of losers!
Nadia's mom? Hello there.
Nice to speak to you.
I don't know why she doesn't call.
No, of course, we didn't forget the wedding.
Why'd we forget?
As soon as I see her, I'll get her to call.
Yes, goodbye.
Know what? You're dead.
You, your family and friends,
unless I get the case.
Got that?
Thank you very much.
He hung up on me!
It's gotta stop.
This has got to stop!
I feel a bit tipsy already.
Just a splash.
I'm tired, aren't you?
Who did that to you?
Who knocked you around?
Got him. He's at 10th district police station.
So, you figure they're real?
I don't know, I'm no expert. I guess they are
and that's why he kidnapped Nadia,
to get his diamonds back.
Right...
It's an emergency. Call in a SWAT team.
Technically,
SWAT teams aren't police units.
Who cares! His girlfriend's been kidnapped.
As we speak, she may be getting gang-raped.
You feeling OK?
Is that yours?
What's wrong with you guys?
I've told you 10 times. It's not ours.
That's why we brought it in.
The young lady says it's hers.
That's him!
The skinhead!
He attacked me!
Then the others joined in. It was horrible!
No way! You have to believe me!
She's the cause of all of this!
She had the jewels.
You gotta believe me, it's a trap!
This is mind-blowing! It's her!
What?
What?
What's wrong? What did I do?
You're worse than cancer.
I told you not to come.
To them, you're suspicious.
Why am I suspicious?
You're not blond with blue eyes.
Look who's talking.
Yeah, you can talk, smartass.
Next time, don't forget the Al-Qaeda hat.
Shut it, baldy!
At least I brought a brain.
- Do you need a ride?
- No, thanks.
Thank you.
See you.
Isn't your dad a cop?
Can't he help?
Your dad's in the police?
- Why didn't you call him?
- He's not in the police.
He's just a cop.
He's more Police Woman than Jack Bauer,
otherwise...
You'd have called him?
Hey, dad.
Yeah, it's dad.
You been here long?
Police Woman?
I could have said
Kojak or Ironside.
It's mean.
It's pretty mean.
Lucky we were there, Louise.
What about my bonus?
Your bonus?
You should be glad you're alive.
I want my damn bonus.
Isn't she sweet?
We're Backup. You want Accounts.
Get changed, you're a mess.
- Get out!
- Let go!
Get out!
Checking out your story will take hours.
We have to be in Montmartre
with the jewels in 2 hours.
Jewels you no longer have, my boy.
Don't call me that in front of my buddies.
You realize your story is insane?
- Who'd believe you?
- You, dad.
You're my only hope.
It's true.
It's really important you believe me. Please.
Here...
Make it look real.
You what?
You want me to hit you with a stapler?
That's right.
Are you sure?
- I'm sure.
- I can't, dad.
I'll whack you with it, Mr. Skirvish.
That's what I meant. I can do it.
I'd rather keep it in the family.
Give it to him good.
I can't do it.
Are you nuts?
Now, can you?
You asked for it.
No, I can't do it.
What did I teach you?
You want one too?
He's crazy!
- Go on, Sam, mush him!
- Go on!
Whack him!
Go on, kid!
Fuck the police!
That's my father!
- Kid's taking a beating.
- His dad's strict.
You can't be too strict.
Out the way or he gets it!
Do what he says, he's out of control!
Shut up, old man!
Hands in your pockets!
- He's a mad dog!
- Shut up!
I'm a desperado!
Shut up!
- Don't move!
- He's crazy! He's my son!
Don't do anything stupid!
Don't shoot!
Nobody move!
It's not a gun, it's a stapler. It's all a bluff!
It's not a stapler!
- I knew it!
- Let's go!
- It hurts.
- You're OK, it's nothing.
You idiot, couldn't you be more careful?
Repeat, you're cracking up.
- Get a grip.
- I feel sick.
- C'mon, dad.
- I feel sick.
Speak clearly!
Move it, asshole!
- I'll press charges.
- Can it!
- Where we going?
- Back to your country!
- I haven't got one.
- We'll find you one.
You like flying?
- We'll get a picnic?
- Sure, with pork sandwiches.
Hostage situation!
Upstairs!
Freeze!
We got 2 hours to find the jewels.
Offering a ransom you haven't got. Good job!
We wouldn't be here if you...
- It's my fault now?
- Sure it is!
Stop. Stop a moment.
Stop acting like kids.
I have an idea!
Staplers?
Yes, staplers and staples.
What do we do with these?
We have some fun!
This is one dumb plan!
Rico, it's the dumbest dumb plan
dreamed up by the dumbest desperadoes in history!
You mean you're pussying out?
I'm not pussying out, but we're screwed.
This is bullshit.
Bullshit?
Saving Nadia is bullshit?
You wanna save Nadia? You just wanna go...
This is a hold-up! Freeze! Hands up!
- Move!
- Everything'll be fine.
What are you staring at?
Eyes down or I'll smoke ya! Eyes down, hands up!
Stay still, everything's OK.
Blondie, open it up, get the rocks!
Faster! Open it up!
- Don't worry about him.
- Hands up!
Faster, blondie!
Put the rocks down. Hands up!
It's the cops! Rico, it's the cops!
Who called the cops?
You?
Police! Drop your guns!
- Hands up, scumbags!
- Don't shoot, we surrender!
Don't be an idiot!
I'll smoke ya!
16 to base, backup requested Place Vend?me.
Drop it or I'll rip you a new asshole.
Give yourself up now.
On the floor!
Hands on your head.
Get down! Hands behind your back!
I'll smoke ya, ya bastards!
As soon as I get out, I'll hunt you down.
The Hood Gang! It had to be you!
Put your hands down,
the situation is under control.
- Did I do good?
- Great.
16 to base, cancel backup request,
everything's under control.
And the motherfucker?
- Wicked! Where'd you get that?
- Don't know.
Not too scared? I know, we act fast.
You should done it all in English.
Yeah, in English.
Why didn't I think of that?
I have to check the cases.
- For...
- For our report.
To see what they tried to steal.
- To fill out...
- The form.
- Form B-52.
- B-56.
- No, 52.
- B-56.
With the pink pages. B-52!
That's our cue!
They're getting away!
Stop them!
They're getting away!
Let me through!
I can get a shot off!
- He's got the jewels!
- They're not cops!
Let go of me, you jerk!
Dad!
Screw you!
I'm a police officer!
Voice recognition. I installed it.
Fuck Paris FC!
You gotta stop that.
Never.
The phone will talk.
It'll spill the beans.
I transfer Loki's data onto my computer
and we'll have it all.
There's not enough. He'll notice right away.
I won't give him time to notice.
- You sure?
- Yeah!
Let's go to Montmartre.
- Count me in!
- I'll work on the data.
What a wuss! I'm your man. Let's go!
How?
Scooters from Pli Express.
You're right.
Give me a bag for the jewels.
I'll get you one.
- Let's do it!
- No sweat, I'm here.
Let's do it!
It'll fit in your pocket.
Ice?
Are you OK?
He's out cold.
C'mon, let's move it!
That's shut you up.
What about my bonus?
I won't leave without it.
You're a pain. Don't you ever give up?
It's the chick from the cop shop.
Louise.
Hey, Louise, I'm Rico.
You could say I'm his...
What are you doing here? How'd you find us?
Pli Express, Zero Stress.
You're...
Straight up, you're...
You're armed.
We're wasting our time.
There won't be enough and it's a safe.
You don't just flick open a safe.
Right.
My organs are
very sensitive.
Don't drool, you'll leave a stain.
You're a hot bitch.
Cool it.
Stay polite, we only just met.
Dirty talk, OK.
But between friends.
You got a good right.
Look, just like I said.
All the cash we make.
- Shit!
- The bastard!
Right...
There you go, and a bit extra.
You back off now?
No, there's too much.
What?
I'm no thief, I just want what I'm owed.
Good luck.
Hold on...
How much to go with us?
You're not gonna hire her?
She has a gun.
You won't scare anyone
with your peach fuzz mustache.
Leave this to me.
How much to go with us?
- You really wanna hire me?
- Yes.
What with? Courier's wages?
I got promoted.
I'm the boss's new partner.
Let's go, lovers.
Are you alone? No cops?
No cops. Why'd I call the cops?
I know no cops.
If I see anything suspicious,
you'll never see her again.
Don't play with your baby's life.
Is that your limo?
Where's Nadia? Let me see her.
Show me Nadia right now.
Have we arrived?
Let me talk to Nadia.
Baby, it's me, are you OK?
- Baby love!
- Are you hurt?
How far away are you?
My head's spinning.
What are you on?
It's the church!
Awesome!
What's wrong?
To the happy couple!
It hasn't started yet. Stay in the car.
- Yes, sir.
- Stay in the car.
Thank you.
What have you done to her?
Just a little homemade cocktail in her champagne.
- Yeah, I bet.
- Your turn. The jewels.
Let me see them. On screen.
There you go!
Can you see your damn jewels?
You're shitting me. What's that?
Is that all?
You better have an explanation.
Let's go.
Come on, Nadia.
- Is she wasted or what?
- Go get her.
Hey, Rico! Thanks for coming
to my sister's wedding.
- Let's go.
- Where's Sam?
He'll be here.
They're the jewels I got at the hotel.
It's not my problem now.
If you think I'm bluffing, come see for yourself.
You don't call the shots.
- Are you nuts?
- We gotta wake her.
You'll knock her out.
Stop hitting people, it's a pain.
I had a difficult childhood.
She's a comedian!
Do exactly as I say.
I'm sick of hearing that.
Since we met, my whole life's gone totally mental.
I got shot at, I got beat up,
you kidnapped my chick, I took my dad hostage,
I've been in jail,
I had psychos chasing me across Paris...
I deserve an explanation, dammit!
Are you done?
I'm a courier.
Me too, that's no excuse.
You're not a Sphere courier.
Sphere, network of evil...
Sphere is the most mysterious...
I get it. Couriers for a badass kinda FedEx.
Mr. Loki always delivers.
Why's that in his phone...
if it's not work-related?
50 million euros!
They cut me loose, so I improvised.
Now you're the courier.
No more explanations.
Listen. You come up here now
or I'm gone.
I'm coming.
So maybe you're...
Stephanie's cousin.
Rico, are we good?
It's Toff.
Not now, Toff.
- The rocks aren't the package.
- What?
Loki isn't delivering the jewels.
He'll swap them for something else.
What's he delivering?
I'm working on it.
Who's that?
I gotta go.
Hang up!
- Hold on, the wedding cake!
- Wait!
Nadia!
- You OK?
- The cake...
Nadia!
Shit!
Sam!
My baby love!
Come here!
- Get outta here!
- The cake!
Quick, I'll create a diversion.
Chip 'n Dale, you wanna race?
He's always gotta show off.
It's OK, I'm fine.
The guy's insane!
A tiny little job.
It'll take you 10 minutes tops!
He's stealing our bike.
It's on your way.
Motherfucker!
I know now.
You're Tatiana,
Marinette's cousin.
Rico? What are you doing?
Great new hostage. You keep them in stock
or hire them as you need them?
You're kidding me! Not again!
What's that?
Stop! What are you doing?
Leave me out of this!
Sam, do something!
He'll kill me!
What do you want now?
You tried to double-cross me,
so go get the expert.
The expert?
Who's the expert?
I'll call you back.
I don't believe it!
Is this never gonna end? Never!
Shit!
Louise? How's Nadia?
Asleep. Flaked out on us.
At least, she's got it easy.
Loki's got Rico.
Take Nadia to 10, Rue du Soleil.
I'll meet you there.
Sam?
Sam, I know you're there!
Sam, get the door.
Open up now!
Ice?
What time is it? Where's Sam?
He stole my Zoomer!
I don't care, come in.
He's moving again.
Don't lose him this time.
We need the expert.
Where is this expert?
Versailles.
- Where in Versailles?
- Near the chateau.
Hold on...
I'll jot it down.
Sam, I write with a broken heart.
I so wanted to be your wife but...
I need a man, not a boy.
I tried so hard, but this really is the end.
Are you ready?
I've lost the signal. I'll call you.
What's wrong?
A problem?
Can you pull over?
- Ice.
- What?
Here...
Careful with it.
I can't do this. Look at me.
You're my date now. You wanna be with me or not?
- It won't work.
- It will. Why not?
- I'm way too hot.
- Come on, smile.
Hi there!
- This is Sam.
- Nice to meet you.
Right, dad, mom, this is...
Sam.
The infamous Sam.
Consuela!
Jorge!
So happy to meet you!
So are we. The pleasure's all ours.
Nadia's told us so much.
I love her so much, with all my corazon!
She's marveloose! Let's fiesta!
What the hell's got into you?
Your folks are Porties, aren't they?
What?
Portuguese!
I'm like that, an outgoing guy.
I bland in with the crowd.
You bland in?
Don't you mean blend in?
Like we give a shit!
You gave her bathroom scales on Valentine's Day?
Not bathroom scales,
a state-of-the-art personal weight tracker.
It even talked!
You've put on weight. Bad.
You've lost weight. Good.
Amazing!
It sucks?
OK, I get it, I suck.
She was too good for me.
I always mess up.
College, career and now my relationship.
Maybe it's genetic.
Maybe. You know what?
You're a limp dick, aren't you?
What the heck!
Totally limp!
That's not nice.
And Montmartre? That was limp dick?
It wasn't the feat of the century.
You'd have done it?
Sure, and better.
Without the crappy crash!
You can ride, can you?
What can you do except go psycho?
Okay?
Can we go now?
Shall we go?
Sure.
You got a signal?
- No.
- No?
No, as in N-O. Clear?
I'll do the job, no problem,
but on my terms and my way.
Don't bother calling back. I'll call you.
That's a man!
He blew you off!
That's my man! He really...
I didn't say a word. Put that thing down.
He so blew you off!
Black & Jack.
It's me. Another change of plans.
- At last!
- You look wonderful!
We waited for you.
It's only my wedding, nothing major.
- You're stressed...
- Not at all!
I get married all the time, didn't you know?
Look!
My gift from Gustave!
Great.
Great, isn't it?
- How's things?
- Fine, thanks.
When do we get to meet Sam?
After all this time. You brought him?
Sweetie, check it out!
- Who's that?
- That's him.
- Classy! 16 inches?
- What?
The wheels?
Aluminum, 16 inches?
An elocution problem or is he just a jerk?
- He's taking lessons.
- He learns fast.
Go easy!
Auto show stuff!
- That's so funny.
- No, it's not.
So, what will you say to Nadia?
I'll think of something. I'll improvise.
Why not tell her the truth?
What truth?
That you love her. You love her like mad.
You're so crazy about her
you'd risk your life for her.
That's good.
That's very good.
Cut it out!
Why are you screwing this up for me?
Sweetie, you wanted a loser, you got one.
I'm not your fool.
You're embarrassed to come alone, so you use me.
I'll give you embarrassment. Big time!
You couldn't be Sam if you wanted to.
Know why?
You don't have an ounce of his class.
Classy Sam? Yeah, right.
So classy, he doesn't show.
Go get me a drink before I lose my temper.
Sam?
- What's he doing here?
- Where's my Zoomer?
- He's sick.
- Completely.
- We have to talk to Nadia.
- Let's go.
- We need to talk.
- Who's the babe?
Nadia, who's he? And who's she?
- Who?
- Who's that?
- That's Louise.
- Right.
She's my driver.
I'm my own boss so I have my own driver.
Actually, could you move the car?
- Without scratching it.
- Yes, sir.
Can't get the staff.
Sorry, I didn't introduce myself.
Mr. and Mrs. Figueira?
Sam Skjqurilngskwicz.
He's called Sam, too?
Yes, he's called Sam.
Who's the other one?
The other one, right...
He's another Sam. This is the real Sam.
And there was this other Sam...
Baby...
Stop it. Let's stop.
Good idea.
I'm Nadia's boyfriend and...
I'm not at all my own boss. I'm a courier.
I don't know what the future holds
for me and Nadia,
but I can say I love your daughter.
Truly.
And we really need a talk
or we'll ruin everything. OK?
I'll borrow her a few minutes and bring her back.
Who the hell's the chick?
- He seems nice.
- Courier?
Were you in a fight?
- It's complicated.
- C'mon, talk to me.
- Are you sure?
- Go on.
The 10-minute package
was full of cash to buy Louise's jewels.
The guys behind all this, Sphere,
are really dangerous.
Find the expert.
- What's he look like?
- Your dad!
Her again!
The wedding dance!
Loki gave me it to get the jewels
and kidnapped you.
- Kidnapped me?
- And drugged you!
That's right.
We rescued you thanks to Louise, who...
Louise! You really like her.
Asshole mission!
Loki still wants the jewels,
not the ones we stole,
and for us to find an expert
or something in Versailles.
Clear?
Sphere, Loki, experts... It's bullshit.
Go back to Paris, I'll stay here...
- Baby, listen...
- No, you listen!
You gotta believe me.
The skank's right. Gotta get to Paris.
But pay my cab first.
From Versailles is costly.
You're the expert!
Expertess, not expert! Do I look like a sailor?
You see?
Hold on, who are you? Who invited you?
What's her problem? I'll smoke her.
Let's all calm down.
Amazing! Calm down, sure.
An old woman and a crappy toy!
That's not a toy.
Don't pretend you're scared!
There we are! What's wrong with you?
Put that way, it's a wedding!
Baby, are you OK? It's all over.
Who told you to come here?
Loki. Aren't you his partner?
More or less.
- Bring your floozie and let's haul ass!
- Just a sec.
Baby, are you OK?
No way!
Dickhead, heel!
The cake!
Forget the damn cake!
We gotta bail and fast.
- They're here.
- Shit!
- I haven't got all night.
- The expertess. Let's go.
I've got a 2-seater. There's 4 of us.
5! Dickhead comes too.
Follow me.
My car!
Hold on, honey!
- Help her up.
- I am helping her up.
I told you to hold on!
- He bawls her out, too!
- She loses everything!
He's an asshole. I told you.
Floor it! They're right behind us.
The jewels! They might be in the van.
Quick!
Drive!
- OK back there?
- Swell!
Loads of leg-room. Swap, bitch?
- Just drive!
- Stop!
- No time!
- Dickhead needs to pee.
It's his prostate.
He can pee in the car, it's Anne-Marie's.
Sure, but not on me.
What about Anne-Marie?
Dickhead's his real name?
Loki.
I'm ready to negotiate.
I'm listening.
Complete the mission, we'll wipe the slate clean.
Quai de la Tournelle. A houseboat.
The Catherina, from Amsterdam.
And we make the swap.
- Opposite Notre Dame?
- That's all I can say.
You got a chocolate? For the dog.
Screw your dog! What are we swapping?
I know what the package is.
Log onto my site.
- Who is it?
- Toff. He's worked it out.
- Toff?
- Yeah.
Quietly!
Fuck Paris FC.
Let me try.
Fuck Paris FC.
I've got a better idea.
Here it comes...
- What is it?
- Dunno.
It looks like...
Some stupid painting.
Not some stupid painting.
A self-portrait by Rembrandt.
- Who?
- Rembrandt,
1606-1669,
a 17th century Dutch master.
One of his signature techniques
is the use of chiaroscuro,
drawing the eye through contrast,
as we can see here.
I took courses at the Beaux-Arts.
It was stolen in Oslo last year.
The assholes think they found it,
but the real one's on the Catherina,
opposite Notre Dame.
Estimated value, 50 million!
Art trafficking's more lucrative
than drugs and arms.
That's Sphere's business.
Not them!
Freeze!
Shit!
Don't crack! You can't!
I'm with bitch for once. Don't crack.
You realize this sounds insane?
Who'd believe you?
You, guys. You're my only hope.
It's really important you believe me.
There!
It's the Catherina.
- OK, it's genuine.
- OK for me, too.
The self-portrait.
The real one.
All for that?
Expensive postcard!
50 million. Respect.
We'll be going then.
Stay for coffee.
We don't have time, actually.
I'll have one. And a chocolate for the dog?
Chocolate for the dog?
You want him to die?
It's dangerous. It'll kill him.
Here goes.
Call the cops just in case.
You'd better be going, too.
No hard feelings?
Come here.
Thanks for everything.
Go on...
Be right back, baby.
You got something going on?
You're so wide of the mark, sweetie.
He was too busy risking his life to save yours.
What he did for you,
no guy would do for me.
Authenticated and delivered on time.
What talent! I'm impressed.
Yeah, sure. Free my buddy.
OK, Rico?
I was gonna kick his ass!
Be gentle, I break easily!
The painting!
Release him first.
Freeze!
Keep cool!
- Drop your gun!
- Drop it!
Drop it! Let him go!
Stay still! Drop your guns!
He's the one you should be arresting!
Dad, this way!
It's him! He's your man!
I gotta do everything around here!
Interpol! Art Trafficking Unit.
- Look!
- Heard of Interpol, you chumps?
No one ever tells us!
Freeze!
Give me the case!
Come on!
Don't move!
Stay right there!
Drop your gun.
Drop it or I'll smoke you!
Back up.
- You're a good courier.
- Sure.
Shit!
So?
I'm not a real cop?
You're a real dad.
- Backup.
- You're late.
- The package is on its way.
- A problem?
- No.
- You have it?
The real one?
- Everything's fine.
- It had better be.
It damn well better be.
Is this a joke?
- The painting!
- 50 million gone down the pan!
This what you're after?
The Rembrandt.
How did you do it?
A courier doesn't lose stuff.
I think I'd better be going.
Come on, Dickhead.
I'd say saving one of humanity's masterpieces
cancels out the jewel heist.
Something like that. And they played straight.
They gave it all back.
I hope so at least.
Yeah, no problem.
All of it.
It's the first time we stop Sphere.
- We'll let it go.
- Thanks.
And with the data on this,
we'll soon track down Loki.
- I know a guy who could help.
- Yeah?
Paris's finest. You need him at Interpol.
Maurice Skjqurilngskwicz. Hard to spell,
but he's my dad.
That way, maybe you won't pull me over.
Gentlemen...
For Interpol, how does it work?
Do I need to sit an exam?
- Are you stupid?
- What?
My love!
Honestly, you know that Louise,
she was hot for me.
Actually, it's me she was after.
She couldn't take her eyes off me. Pure charisma!
You really risked your life for me?
What did you expect?
I'd let them hurt you? It's non-negotiable.
And that Louise, you never touched her?
A little bit.
Mostly clobbering each other.
- I really love you.
- No, I love you.
- I do more.
- I love you more.
I found this Place Vend?me.
Are you crazy?
I love you.
I love you so bad.
Green Riders, the first eco-couriers
Look at that...
The first eco-couriers.
Bullshit!
Sam the boss! What a joke!
Ecology, my ass. People are pigs.
No kidding!
Know what? Ecology's old news.
Green Riders, delivering to Atmospheres.
They were on the 22nd.
What do you mean, they were?
See what I mean now?
Yeah, I see. They've moved.
Hello, Sam.
Sphere. Recruitment Department.
I ice him here in public?
We sit tight till he has the package.
Meet me at the bike.
Got ya.
COURSIER
He's logging on.
- Connected.
- Send him the assignment.
Tomorrow 8AM. St. Georges parking garage.
Loki, we're here just in case.
We'll lie low till tomorrow morning.
Sam, where the hell are you? You're late!
I had to make a detour to avoid the protest march.
Not my problem. Before 6, it's ultra-express.
I'm nearly there, boss.
Nearly? You're not there yet?
Move it! You're not paid by the hour.
Pli Express means just that. Express!
Hear me?
Where are you? Do I hear the engine?
I'm doing my best!
6 o'clock, Sam.
Or it's free.
Excuse me...
Great!
4th floor.
Hold it!
Pli Express, Zero Stress!
Yeah, sure, but it was for 6PM.
Everybody's left for the weekend.
Shit!
I'll take them anyway, seeing as it's free.
Of course.
Here...
- Evening, sir.
- Dad?
Documents, please.
You do traffic now?
I do traffic when I want if you're on the road.
Documents, please.
License, insurance.
What a joke...
- License, insurance.
- Thank you, sir.
Dad, it's me, your son, Sam.
You seen the state of your tires?
- Bad boy!
- Not the tire routine!
Bald tires are dangerous.
- So, two one-way streets...
- Go on...
One sidewalk...
- Have fun.
- 6 points.
It's for your own good. You'll thank me later.
Have a nice day, sir.
Have a nice day, dad.
So I'm doing a wheelie.
I keep it up for two miles. I drop it down, bend,
and I say to the boss,
Those exhausts are dynamite,
but with the Nitro accessories,
the Zoomer ain't a scooter,
it's a fighter plane!
Know what he says?
He grabs me, looks me in the eye and says,
Ice, the freshest courier in Paris
has the freshest scooter in Paris.
And who's that? It's the Ice Man.
The smoothest dude on a scoot!
I was wondering if maybe it's possible
to have an Express bonus this week.
Get real, Sam. What's the big idea?
You want 100 euros, a coffee? What else?
You take me for George Clooney?
Some people do.
What's so funny?
Check this out...
Yeah, I can see it now.
100 euros bonus? Not even 50.
I ruin myself to upgrade the workplace.
Especially your office.
How about upgrading the scooters?
Go easy!
You know how much that costs? A month's salary.
Yours, not mine.
- You were saying?
- It's just...
- What'd you do with 20 euros?
- 100
Think of the tax. Big money, big worries.
Ice got 5 Express bonuses this week.
I gotta stop you.
Ice is Ice.
The bottom line?
I won't pay you more.
I won't pay you more, 'cos you're not worth more.
- Seriously?
- Seriously.
Thanks...
for nothing.
Eco-bikes, The Way Forward!
The Scooter's Green Future
Alright, Sam?
- You get your bonus?
- No.
Is that all?
Come see me some time, I'll teach you to ride.
Bring Nadia. Let her see a real man.
- Forget Nadia, OK?
- Give her my love.
What's up?
What's your problem?
- What are you playing at?
- Get lost!
What's wrong with you?
You wanna get fired?
I don't know...
- What do you think?
- That's so them.
No, they're too tight-assed for that.
Actually, we'll take this one, please.
You lost out. You promised to nail the bonus.
Just wait till I'm my own boss.
Tomorrow, 9:30?
Thanks, bye.
In my company...
The Green Riders, I know.
- We'll use electric scooters.
- Zero pollution
Zero pollution, that's important.
Act today for a better tomorrow.
What matters is the idea.
- And I had the idea first.
- Quit dreaming.
You an eco-warrior? You don't even recycle.
So what?
What's the yellow garbage can for?
You see.
Where you gonna get the seed money?
You can't negotiate a 100-euro bonus.
You can't do it!
That's different. Don't get wound up.
Forget it.
Nadia...
What's bugging you, baby?
- Is it Anne-Marie's wedding?
- No.
Stop it, I can see that it is
- It's not the wedding.
- What then?
Yes, it's Anne-Marie's wedding! Don't you get it?
Not even 30 and my sister has everything.
- Now she's getting married.
- To a dentist!
That's your dream guy?
Sure, why not!
They'll have beautiful offices, a beautiful home
and beautiful kids...
With beautiful teeth! That's what counts.
Are you serious?
Hi, mom.
No, we won't forget the wedding cake.
Don't worry.
Big kiss, bye.
Baby...
Goodnight, honey.
Goodnight, Casper.
You have 24 hours.
Louise, I'm on my way.
You swap at Hotel du Louvre. Confirm.
Confirmed. I'll be right there.
Meet you there with Loki.
Shit!
- I can't do it
- They'll never believe it.
- Who won't believe what?
- Nothing.
That you're your own boss.
- What did you tell your family?
- It's cool.
What did you tell them?
The Green Riders, that's the plan, isn't it?
So it's not like a lie. It's the truth, on credit.
Why'd you do that? You airhead!
I haven't patented the idea. Anyone can steal it.
I keep telling you, patent it.
You see?
Don't get on my case.
Look at my idea for photos on phone cards
to North Africa,
the camel with the red scarf at Xmas.
It's lucky I patented it.
Bill Gates is kicking himself.
What's wrong?
Let it go. She's uptight.
I want to help, not get bawled at.
It's cool, and thanks for lending us your car.
- You'll fill her up?
- Sure.
It'll never fit.
- Good as new!
- Thanks, Rico.
Don't bother helping!
We shoulda got it delivered.
Why waste good money?
We can do it ourselves easier and safer. Toff?
Hold on, I'll help.
Slight problem.
Yeah, it won't fit.
- It will fit.
- Sam, it won't.
- Don't get upset, it will.
- I look upset?
A tad.
So what do we do?
- Eat the top layer.
- What?
That's so funny.
It won't fit!
What? No, nothing major.
A small complication, that's all.
Anyway, the cake's for this evening, huh?
I'm just kidding, mom.
Okay.
Tell Anne-Marie to...
chill out.
I'll call you back.
See, it fits.
What are we waiting for? There are no witnesses.
Not until he has the package.
Pli Express, Zero Stress
- No one'll notice the difference.
- Sam, please.
Hold this a second.
Gently!
- Sorry.
- It's really heavy.
- Yeah, boss?
- An emergency.
Today, I can't. It's Nadia's sister's wedding.
It's a tiny little job. 10 minutes tops.
Very important client. A new client.
I give it to Ice or you want the bonus?
I'll be right there.
- Whaddya mean?
- I got my bonus!
It'll only take me 10 minutes tops.
10 minutes?
It's taking too long.
I'll go up, you block the exit.
Hi!
Pli Express.
You called us up?
You called?
Great offices.
What business you in?
Personal delivery.
5th district. Who's it for?
Ask for Mr. Loki.
Give it to him...
and no one else.
Is that clear?
Crystal clear.
Thanks.
Have a nice day.
No, I just picked up.
I gotta deliver to the 5th. 144, Rue Mouffetard.
A courier has the package.
- Grab him. I'll take care of Loki.
- No problem.
10 minutes or I'm coming over.
I'm on my way.
What's he want?
Maniac!
Are you nuts or what?
Freeze!
Loki got away.
Shit! The courier shook me off.
We gotta find him fast.
He had a sticker on the scooter.
Pli Express, Zero Stress.
Loki's moving again.
Shit! How's he go so fast?
Headed for the 5th.
That's downtown. U-turn!
Hi, Pli Express!
Personal delivery for Mr. Loki.
I'm Robert. What you drinking?
Nothing, I'm working. This isn't La Bourgogne?
Sure it is, but we're not a mailroom.
And I don't give free tours.
- What'll it be?
- We're fine.
- Let's go.
- What are you doing?
- What am I doing?
- I said to meet me here?
I waited a half-hour. We're late, let's go.
The guy gave me 100 euros for personal delivery.
Romeo and Juliet, what'll it be?
Nothing!
I told you, we're not a mailroom.
- What'll it be?
- A Coke.
And for the little lady?
- Coke, too.
- Two Cokes.
No, one Coke, two straws.
- A Coke for two?
- Yeah.
No wonder we're in the shit.
The GPS has him in the cafe opposite.
We're almost there.
We'll go straight to the church.
See you there.
- I'm leaving that at the bar.
- Hold on...
- Sorry, it's the straw...
- You idiot!
If this doesn't wash out, I swear...
When I get back, we're gone.
I can't see him.
Loki, where the hell are you?
He's gotta be in there.
What's going on?
Shut up!
What the hell's he doing?
Screw it!
What's going on, Loki?
This isn't Loki.
What?
Who are you?
The courier waiting for Mr. Loki.
What's going on? And who are you anyway?
- Stand up.
- You're in the bar?
Here I am...
Where are you?
Who's he?
I've got stuff to do. Come get your cash...
You still there?
Lady, where are you?
Can you see me?
- I'm wearing orange.
- Halloween, sit down.
Sit.
Who is this?
Shut up and drink up.
I've been waiting 15', stay polite.
Look at the wall. The little red dot.
I'm not playing.
See that?
What the hell? Why are you doing this?
Sit down and shut up.
From now on, you're our courier.
- Got that?
- What do you want?
I don't know if you're telling the truth,
but if Loki wants to play games, you're in.
Just do what we say
and you'll be fine.
Understand?
Who are you talking to?
Who's she?
- Who is she?
- She's with me.
Are you kidding me?
- Who is it?
- It's for the package.
That's enough. Have you paid? Let's go.
- Get rid of her.
- I can't.
- Right now!
- I can't.
What's going on? You're freaking me out.
You asked for it.
- You wanna play hardball?
- Don't. Please...
- Can you leave, please?
- Leave?
- Go on.
- Are you serious?
- Baby, move.
- What?
What's the weird look for?
3...
Is it my make-up?
2...
- You saw me put it on.
- Move!
- 1...
- Move!
How can you be such an idiot?
It's Coke, it won't wash out!
- 2 seconds. Time out.
- No 2 seconds!
The courier's done, he's off!
No more waiting! Pick up your package
from the office.
Stupid bitch!
Open up! Kill her!
Don't involve her!
Out the way!
Fire!
I'm not locked on.
Let me past!
Nadia!
You're coming with us!
This is the worst day of my life. I hate him!
Lady, if you need talk,
I very good listener, they say.
Shut up! Keep your eyes on the road!
I'm sorry...
Stop crying.
Where's she headed?
I don't know.
Where's your girlfriend headed?
- Pli Express. The office.
- Where's that?
Depends. We're all over Paris.
Where the hell is it?
Where is it?
23, Rue Ordener. 18th district.
Shoot him!
I'll get the package!
I'll get there faster than you. I'll go.
I'll deliver where you want. Zero stress.
Don't kill me! Leave her out of this!
No, honestly...
It's Polish.
Can't have been easy at school.
- Yeah, when I was a kid...
- We don't care!
- Got that?
- Got it.
Shut up!
Double-cross us and you won't have a name,
got that?
10, Rue du Soleil, 20th.
We know where you live.
I'm your courier now. OK, lady?
- What's wrong now?
- Miss.
I'm your courier, miss.
Ice, you seen Nadia?
- What?
- Have you seen Nadia?
Can't hear you.
Not now. Have you seen Nadia?
No sweat, she went home. Left this for you...
- Cool.
- Here...
Are you 12 years old?
This!
What's that?
Bills to pay most likely.
Where's the package?
My office! Now!
You've got it.
Your girlfriend said the client would drop by.
Is she nuts? Wants to get you fired?
- No, it's your Mr. Loki...
- What's going on?
I never saw anything like it.
A courier doesn't lose stuff.
What's this?
That? Nothing. A project.
It's mine.
You open lockers?
It's a cool idea.
Eco-couriers, classy!
Gotta get in first.
Gotta patent the concept.
- Need the capital, of course.
- That's capital!
Hand off my idea.
- Oh yeah?
- Or else what?
Or else the shit'll hit the fan!
That's right, have a good laugh.
Who are they?
You know them, Sam?
- Are they with you?
- Sort of.
Whaddya mean? Who are they?
The armed wing of Green Riders.
We were kidding. We're family.
It was a joke. We didn't mean anything.
Who are they?
What's going on now?
Kill 'em!
They're the competition. Hide!
Call 'em off! I'll give you the capital.
All of it!
Reload!
We'll talk later!
You explain the deal.
- Where you going?
- Outta here!
My Zoomer!
Ice, come back!
He has the package.
Shit!
My Zoomer!
My office.
I surrender.
We can be partners. 50-50?
70-30?
Your courier? Where can we find him?
Look, that's his name...
and address.
- What?
- It's Sharas.
- What do you want?
- Track a cellphone.
- Paris?
- In Paris, yeah.
Where do I deliver your damn package?
There's a key in it.
Credit card?
- A room key.
- Hotel du Louvre?
Got it.
Loki's delivering there. Pretend to be him.
We'll meet you there.
OK, you got it.
A minor slip-up, mom.
I know it's about to begin.
We'll go straight to the church.
We'll sneak in the back with the oldies!
Pain in the ass! My dress!
Where are you?
There's no number on the key. It's a huge hotel.
How do I find the right room?
Sam, what are you talking about?
Shit, it's you.
Sorry.
Who else?
I thought it was the other chick.
What other chick?
It's too complicated. I'll explain later.
You didn't open my letter, did you?
What letter?
What letter?
- Oh, that.
- That?
No, I didn't get time, baby.
What's this about a room key?
- It's the package!
- And there's a chick?
We're late for the wedding,
we missed the ceremony!
And you're meeting a chick in a hotel! No worries!
- I can explain.
- Where's my chauffeur-driven limo?
Champagne, the whole shebang. Where is it?
- Listen, baby.
- Don't baby me!
I'm sick of broken promises!
I need you here!
I told everyone Sam'd be there.
But he's not. Where's Sam?
Stop whining and listen.
You gotta get here...
Get here...
I love you. I'll be there, bye.
Me too, I...
He hung up on me.
You better be here, Sam. You just better, dammit!
Good afternoon.
I have a room here and I totally...
A room here?
Yes, of course.
What number?
That's just it. I forgot the room number.
You forgot your room number?
- I have the key card.
- Your name, please?
What name?
Name of what?
The name I booked under?
Sir also forgot his name?
Mr. Loki.
The Imperial Suite.
That's it, the Imperial Suite!
- How did I forget that?
- I'm so sorry.
Usually, at the Ritz, I'm in the Royal.
- I apologize.
- Only doing your job, Jacques.
- How are you?
- I'm fine.
And the wife?
I just need the card back.
It's that way.
Of course, I forgot.
Allow me to make it up to you.
- Something to nibble on?
- Sure, why not?
Something to drink, too.
I am so sorry.
We're there.
I only have cents. Share it.
Goodbye.
Jesus!
Baby, back off!
You'd better change your tone.
Sorry.
- You find the room?
- I'm there.
Running late?
You're not alone?
I'll call you back.
James Loki.
Nice to meet you.
We go in?
You know how many cameras are in there?
Don't worry,
our courier's terrified.
He'll do anything we want.
And then...
Oh yeah.
No time to bundle them up.
Sorry.
Not checking?
Sure, of course.
- Miss Nadia?
- That's me.
They're not for me?
From Sam?
What a surprise.
Great, it's all there.
Thanks and see you around.
- What's wrong?
- Come on.
You're an expert or not?
So, check.
- I took a look.
- Check, I said!
No way?
Afternoon, sir.
This is crazy!
Magnificent, truly.
- It's pure...
- Diamond.
- They're diamonds.
- No kidding.
- 100 carats, more or less.
- 100 carats?
I'd say more like...
1,000?
At least 1,000!
Definitely. You're nobody's fool.
I was just testing you. There's more than that.
Add in the little ones,
there must be 1,253 carats. 54 maybe.
You're short.
- Short?
- My bonus is missing.
What bonus?
My bonus! 10 grand!
- That's all I was given.
- Shut it!
- I don't have any more.
- 100,000! The usual rate.
100,000 euros?
Of course.
Sorry. 100 grand just for carrying a case?
And the dress stays on?
You got it easy!
I kill myself for 1,300 gross a month.
Get real, toots, there's a recession!
Look at you, in your thrift store dress.
The store where less is more.
It's Gucci.
It's not Gucci, it's Mutchi.
They suckered you, sweetie.
But you won't make a sap out of me.
I won't pay you more, you're not worth more.
I don't work with amateurs.
Who are you, asshole? You're not with Sphere.
Sure, I'm with Sphere.
- Let's see your tattoo.
- What tattoo?
Your tattoo.
No, my skin's too sensitive. Even the sun...
Spot the difference?
Deep down, Sam's a good guy.
He just needs shaking up now and then,
like us all.
My suit!
Cut that out, will you!
Sorry to interrupt,
this is Jacques at Reception.
Hi, Jacques.
We've had complaints about the noise.
- The noise?
- Yes, the noise.
Like fighting.
I'll be with you in a moment.
- Should I send security?
- No need.
- Rapist!
- We're consenting adults.
Spicing things up a bit.
My girlfriend's very playful.
A slight problem...
I'll hang up then.
If you don't mind.
Try to... I don't know...
No, don't try anything.
Do you have a suite?
On the same floor.
No hard feelings?
What's Sam up to? We're running pretty late.
A mystery! I love surprises.
Oh my God!
Shit!
That's not gonna do it.
He's taking too long.
Something's wrong.
What are you doing?
Hold on...
- Sam?
- What?
- Are you coming or what?
- I'm on my way.
What took you so long? Where are you?
In the hallway. Nadia, where are you?
In the limo with your buddy.
- Have you got it?
- Yeah, I've got it. Just wait.
What do you think we're doing?
Move it!
What limo? What buddy?
- Who do you mean?
- Your friend, Mr...
Loki!
He seems so cool!
And got a few bucks. Go into business with him.
Hold on...
He's not what you think! Get out of the car!
He's dangerous!
Don't listen to a word the bastard says!
- That's not nice.
- What did he say?
You bastard! Hand the phone back.
- She's having fun with me.
- Totally! Hurry, sweetie!
You better not hurt her, you fucker!
You fucker!
Sorry.
I got the case. Don't hurt her.
- Where're you at?
- What's he say?
I'll bring you the case. I'm leaving the hotel.
Your colleagues are outside.
- Who? My friends?
- Yeah, from Sphere.
- Stop! Hold on!
- Why?
Nadia's right, let's do business.
Mr. Loki!
- I need your card.
- Just a second.
What the hell's he doing?
This one?
That's right.
I give you the case,
not the guys in the van, right?
Well done, you're very sharp.
I thought you were a team. Why are you going solo?
The team's split up.
It's down to me,
alone, to deliver. And you're gonna help.
If I don't hand it over, what'll they do?
They'll kill me.
It's you...
or Nadia.
Time to choose.
Great!
If you wanna see her again, the Sacre Coeur, 9PM.
I'll call you back.
Come on, move your ass!
Get in.
Quick!
Over there!
Shit!
We lost him!
Bunch of losers!
Nadia's mom? Hello there.
Nice to speak to you.
I don't know why she doesn't call.
No, of course, we didn't forget the wedding.
Why'd we forget?
As soon as I see her, I'll get her to call.
Yes, goodbye.
Know what? You're dead.
You, your family and friends,
unless I get the case.
Got that?
Thank you very much.
He hung up on me!
It's gotta stop.
This has got to stop!
I feel a bit tipsy already.
Just a splash.
I'm tired, aren't you?
Who did that to you?
Who knocked you around?
Got him. He's at 10th district police station.
So, you figure they're real?
I don't know, I'm no expert. I guess they are
and that's why he kidnapped Nadia,
to get his diamonds back.
Right...
It's an emergency. Call in a SWAT team.
Technically,
SWAT teams aren't police units.
Who cares! His girlfriend's been kidnapped.
As we speak, she may be getting gang-raped.
You feeling OK?
Is that yours?
What's wrong with you guys?
I've told you 10 times. It's not ours.
That's why we brought it in.
The young lady says it's hers.
That's him!
The skinhead!
He attacked me!
Then the others joined in. It was horrible!
No way! You have to believe me!
She's the cause of all of this!
She had the jewels.
You gotta believe me, it's a trap!
This is mind-blowing! It's her!
What?
What?
What's wrong? What did I do?
You're worse than cancer.
I told you not to come.
To them, you're suspicious.
Why am I suspicious?
You're not blond with blue eyes.
Look who's talking.
Yeah, you can talk, smartass.
Next time, don't forget the Al-Qaeda hat.
Shut it, baldy!
At least I brought a brain.
- Do you need a ride?
- No, thanks.
Thank you.
See you.
Isn't your dad a cop?
Can't he help?
Your dad's in the police?
- Why didn't you call him?
- He's not in the police.
He's just a cop.
He's more Police Woman than Jack Bauer,
otherwise...
You'd have called him?
Hey, dad.
Yeah, it's dad.
You been here long?
Police Woman?
I could have said
Kojak or Ironside.
It's mean.
It's pretty mean.
Lucky we were there, Louise.
What about my bonus?
Your bonus?
You should be glad you're alive.
I want my damn bonus.
Isn't she sweet?
We're Backup. You want Accounts.
Get changed, you're a mess.
- Get out!
- Let go!
Get out!
Checking out your story will take hours.
We have to be in Montmartre
with the jewels in 2 hours.
Jewels you no longer have, my boy.
Don't call me that in front of my buddies.
You realize your story is insane?
- Who'd believe you?
- You, dad.
You're my only hope.
It's true.
It's really important you believe me. Please.
Here...
Make it look real.
You what?
You want me to hit you with a stapler?
That's right.
Are you sure?
- I'm sure.
- I can't, dad.
I'll whack you with it, Mr. Skirvish.
That's what I meant. I can do it.
I'd rather keep it in the family.
Give it to him good.
I can't do it.
Are you nuts?
Now, can you?
You asked for it.
No, I can't do it.
What did I teach you?
You want one too?
He's crazy!
- Go on, Sam, mush him!
- Go on!
Whack him!
Go on, kid!
Fuck the police!
That's my father!
- Kid's taking a beating.
- His dad's strict.
You can't be too strict.
Out the way or he gets it!
Do what he says, he's out of control!
Shut up, old man!
Hands in your pockets!
- He's a mad dog!
- Shut up!
I'm a desperado!
Shut up!
- Don't move!
- He's crazy! He's my son!
Don't do anything stupid!
Don't shoot!
Nobody move!
It's not a gun, it's a stapler. It's all a bluff!
It's not a stapler!
- I knew it!
- Let's go!
- It hurts.
- You're OK, it's nothing.
You idiot, couldn't you be more careful?
Repeat, you're cracking up.
- Get a grip.
- I feel sick.
- C'mon, dad.
- I feel sick.
Speak clearly!
Move it, asshole!
- I'll press charges.
- Can it!
- Where we going?
- Back to your country!
- I haven't got one.
- We'll find you one.
You like flying?
- We'll get a picnic?
- Sure, with pork sandwiches.
Hostage situation!
Upstairs!
Freeze!
We got 2 hours to find the jewels.
Offering a ransom you haven't got. Good job!
We wouldn't be here if you...
- It's my fault now?
- Sure it is!
Stop. Stop a moment.
Stop acting like kids.
I have an idea!
Staplers?
Yes, staplers and staples.
What do we do with these?
We have some fun!
This is one dumb plan!
Rico, it's the dumbest dumb plan
dreamed up by the dumbest desperadoes in history!
You mean you're pussying out?
I'm not pussying out, but we're screwed.
This is bullshit.
Bullshit?
Saving Nadia is bullshit?
You wanna save Nadia? You just wanna go...
This is a hold-up! Freeze! Hands up!
- Move!
- Everything'll be fine.
What are you staring at?
Eyes down or I'll smoke ya! Eyes down, hands up!
Stay still, everything's OK.
Blondie, open it up, get the rocks!
Faster! Open it up!
- Don't worry about him.
- Hands up!
Faster, blondie!
Put the rocks down. Hands up!
It's the cops! Rico, it's the cops!
Who called the cops?
You?
Police! Drop your guns!
- Hands up, scumbags!
- Don't shoot, we surrender!
Don't be an idiot!
I'll smoke ya!
16 to base, backup requested Place Vend?me.
Drop it or I'll rip you a new asshole.
Give yourself up now.
On the floor!
Hands on your head.
Get down! Hands behind your back!
I'll smoke ya, ya bastards!
As soon as I get out, I'll hunt you down.
The Hood Gang! It had to be you!
Put your hands down,
the situation is under control.
- Did I do good?
- Great.
16 to base, cancel backup request,
everything's under control.
And the motherfucker?
- Wicked! Where'd you get that?
- Don't know.
Not too scared? I know, we act fast.
You should done it all in English.
Yeah, in English.
Why didn't I think of that?
I have to check the cases.
- For...
- For our report.
To see what they tried to steal.
- To fill out...
- The form.
- Form B-52.
- B-56.
- No, 52.
- B-56.
With the pink pages. B-52!
That's our cue!
They're getting away!
Stop them!
They're getting away!
Let me through!
I can get a shot off!
- He's got the jewels!
- They're not cops!
Let go of me, you jerk!
Dad!
Screw you!
I'm a police officer!
Voice recognition. I installed it.
Fuck Paris FC!
You gotta stop that.
Never.
The phone will talk.
It'll spill the beans.
I transfer Loki's data onto my computer
and we'll have it all.
There's not enough. He'll notice right away.
I won't give him time to notice.
- You sure?
- Yeah!
Let's go to Montmartre.
- Count me in!
- I'll work on the data.
What a wuss! I'm your man. Let's go!
How?
Scooters from Pli Express.
You're right.
Give me a bag for the jewels.
I'll get you one.
- Let's do it!
- No sweat, I'm here.
Let's do it!
It'll fit in your pocket.
Ice?
Are you OK?
He's out cold.
C'mon, let's move it!
That's shut you up.
What about my bonus?
I won't leave without it.
You're a pain. Don't you ever give up?
It's the chick from the cop shop.
Louise.
Hey, Louise, I'm Rico.
You could say I'm his...
What are you doing here? How'd you find us?
Pli Express, Zero Stress.
You're...
Straight up, you're...
You're armed.
We're wasting our time.
There won't be enough and it's a safe.
You don't just flick open a safe.
Right.
My organs are
very sensitive.
Don't drool, you'll leave a stain.
You're a hot bitch.
Cool it.
Stay polite, we only just met.
Dirty talk, OK.
But between friends.
You got a good right.
Look, just like I said.
All the cash we make.
- Shit!
- The bastard!
Right...
There you go, and a bit extra.
You back off now?
No, there's too much.
What?
I'm no thief, I just want what I'm owed.
Good luck.
Hold on...
How much to go with us?
You're not gonna hire her?
She has a gun.
You won't scare anyone
with your peach fuzz mustache.
Leave this to me.
How much to go with us?
- You really wanna hire me?
- Yes.
What with? Courier's wages?
I got promoted.
I'm the boss's new partner.
Let's go, lovers.
Are you alone? No cops?
No cops. Why'd I call the cops?
I know no cops.
If I see anything suspicious,
you'll never see her again.
Don't play with your baby's life.
Is that your limo?
Where's Nadia? Let me see her.
Show me Nadia right now.
Have we arrived?
Let me talk to Nadia.
Baby, it's me, are you OK?
- Baby love!
- Are you hurt?
How far away are you?
My head's spinning.
What are you on?
It's the church!
Awesome!
What's wrong?
To the happy couple!
It hasn't started yet. Stay in the car.
- Yes, sir.
- Stay in the car.
Thank you.
What have you done to her?
Just a little homemade cocktail in her champagne.
- Yeah, I bet.
- Your turn. The jewels.
Let me see them. On screen.
There you go!
Can you see your damn jewels?
You're shitting me. What's that?
Is that all?
You better have an explanation.
Let's go.
Come on, Nadia.
- Is she wasted or what?
- Go get her.
Hey, Rico! Thanks for coming
to my sister's wedding.
- Let's go.
- Where's Sam?
He'll be here.
They're the jewels I got at the hotel.
It's not my problem now.
If you think I'm bluffing, come see for yourself.
You don't call the shots.
- Are you nuts?
- We gotta wake her.
You'll knock her out.
Stop hitting people, it's a pain.
I had a difficult childhood.
She's a comedian!
Do exactly as I say.
I'm sick of hearing that.
Since we met, my whole life's gone totally mental.
I got shot at, I got beat up,
you kidnapped my chick, I took my dad hostage,
I've been in jail,
I had psychos chasing me across Paris...
I deserve an explanation, dammit!
Are you done?
I'm a courier.
Me too, that's no excuse.
You're not a Sphere courier.
Sphere, network of evil...
Sphere is the most mysterious...
I get it. Couriers for a badass kinda FedEx.
Mr. Loki always delivers.
Why's that in his phone...
if it's not work-related?
50 million euros!
They cut me loose, so I improvised.
Now you're the courier.
No more explanations.
Listen. You come up here now
or I'm gone.
I'm coming.
So maybe you're...
Stephanie's cousin.
Rico, are we good?
It's Toff.
Not now, Toff.
- The rocks aren't the package.
- What?
Loki isn't delivering the jewels.
He'll swap them for something else.
What's he delivering?
I'm working on it.
Who's that?
I gotta go.
Hang up!
- Hold on, the wedding cake!
- Wait!
Nadia!
- You OK?
- The cake...
Nadia!
Shit!
Sam!
My baby love!
Come here!
- Get outta here!
- The cake!
Quick, I'll create a diversion.
Chip 'n Dale, you wanna race?
He's always gotta show off.
It's OK, I'm fine.
The guy's insane!
A tiny little job.
It'll take you 10 minutes tops!
He's stealing our bike.
It's on your way.
Motherfucker!
I know now.
You're Tatiana,
Marinette's cousin.
Rico? What are you doing?
Great new hostage. You keep them in stock
or hire them as you need them?
You're kidding me! Not again!
What's that?
Stop! What are you doing?
Leave me out of this!
Sam, do something!
He'll kill me!
What do you want now?
You tried to double-cross me,
so go get the expert.
The expert?
Who's the expert?
I'll call you back.
I don't believe it!
Is this never gonna end? Never!
Shit!
Louise? How's Nadia?
Asleep. Flaked out on us.
At least, she's got it easy.
Loki's got Rico.
Take Nadia to 10, Rue du Soleil.
I'll meet you there.
Sam?
Sam, I know you're there!
Sam, get the door.
Open up now!
Ice?
What time is it? Where's Sam?
He stole my Zoomer!
I don't care, come in.
He's moving again.
Don't lose him this time.
We need the expert.
Where is this expert?
Versailles.
- Where in Versailles?
- Near the chateau.
Hold on...
I'll jot it down.
Sam, I write with a broken heart.
I so wanted to be your wife but...
I need a man, not a boy.
I tried so hard, but this really is the end.
Are you ready?
I've lost the signal. I'll call you.
What's wrong?
A problem?
Can you pull over?
- Ice.
- What?
Here...
Careful with it.
I can't do this. Look at me.
You're my date now. You wanna be with me or not?
- It won't work.
- It will. Why not?
- I'm way too hot.
- Come on, smile.
Hi there!
- This is Sam.
- Nice to meet you.
Right, dad, mom, this is...
Sam.
The infamous Sam.
Consuela!
Jorge!
So happy to meet you!
So are we. The pleasure's all ours.
Nadia's told us so much.
I love her so much, with all my corazon!
She's marveloose! Let's fiesta!
What the hell's got into you?
Your folks are Porties, aren't they?
What?
Portuguese!
I'm like that, an outgoing guy.
I bland in with the crowd.
You bland in?
Don't you mean blend in?
Like we give a shit!
You gave her bathroom scales on Valentine's Day?
Not bathroom scales,
a state-of-the-art personal weight tracker.
It even talked!
You've put on weight. Bad.
You've lost weight. Good.
Amazing!
It sucks?
OK, I get it, I suck.
She was too good for me.
I always mess up.
College, career and now my relationship.
Maybe it's genetic.
Maybe. You know what?
You're a limp dick, aren't you?
What the heck!
Totally limp!
That's not nice.
And Montmartre? That was limp dick?
It wasn't the feat of the century.
You'd have done it?
Sure, and better.
Without the crappy crash!
You can ride, can you?
What can you do except go psycho?
Okay?
Can we go now?
Shall we go?
Sure.
You got a signal?
- No.
- No?
No, as in N-O. Clear?
I'll do the job, no problem,
but on my terms and my way.
Don't bother calling back. I'll call you.
That's a man!
He blew you off!
That's my man! He really...
I didn't say a word. Put that thing down.
He so blew you off!
Black & Jack.
It's me. Another change of plans.
- At last!
- You look wonderful!
We waited for you.
It's only my wedding, nothing major.
- You're stressed...
- Not at all!
I get married all the time, didn't you know?
Look!
My gift from Gustave!
Great.
Great, isn't it?
- How's things?
- Fine, thanks.
When do we get to meet Sam?
After all this time. You brought him?
Sweetie, check it out!
- Who's that?
- That's him.
- Classy! 16 inches?
- What?
The wheels?
Aluminum, 16 inches?
An elocution problem or is he just a jerk?
- He's taking lessons.
- He learns fast.
Go easy!
Auto show stuff!
- That's so funny.
- No, it's not.
So, what will you say to Nadia?
I'll think of something. I'll improvise.
Why not tell her the truth?
What truth?
That you love her. You love her like mad.
You're so crazy about her
you'd risk your life for her.
That's good.
That's very good.
Cut it out!
Why are you screwing this up for me?
Sweetie, you wanted a loser, you got one.
I'm not your fool.
You're embarrassed to come alone, so you use me.
I'll give you embarrassment. Big time!
You couldn't be Sam if you wanted to.
Know why?
You don't have an ounce of his class.
Classy Sam? Yeah, right.
So classy, he doesn't show.
Go get me a drink before I lose my temper.
Sam?
- What's he doing here?
- Where's my Zoomer?
- He's sick.
- Completely.
- We have to talk to Nadia.
- Let's go.
- We need to talk.
- Who's the babe?
Nadia, who's he? And who's she?
- Who?
- Who's that?
- That's Louise.
- Right.
She's my driver.
I'm my own boss so I have my own driver.
Actually, could you move the car?
- Without scratching it.
- Yes, sir.
Can't get the staff.
Sorry, I didn't introduce myself.
Mr. and Mrs. Figueira?
Sam Skjqurilngskwicz.
He's called Sam, too?
Yes, he's called Sam.
Who's the other one?
The other one, right...
He's another Sam. This is the real Sam.
And there was this other Sam...
Baby...
Stop it. Let's stop.
Good idea.
I'm Nadia's boyfriend and...
I'm not at all my own boss. I'm a courier.
I don't know what the future holds
for me and Nadia,
but I can say I love your daughter.
Truly.
And we really need a talk
or we'll ruin everything. OK?
I'll borrow her a few minutes and bring her back.
Who the hell's the chick?
- He seems nice.
- Courier?
Were you in a fight?
- It's complicated.
- C'mon, talk to me.
- Are you sure?
- Go on.
The 10-minute package
was full of cash to buy Louise's jewels.
The guys behind all this, Sphere,
are really dangerous.
Find the expert.
- What's he look like?
- Your dad!
Her again!
The wedding dance!
Loki gave me it to get the jewels
and kidnapped you.
- Kidnapped me?
- And drugged you!
That's right.
We rescued you thanks to Louise, who...
Louise! You really like her.
Asshole mission!
Loki still wants the jewels,
not the ones we stole,
and for us to find an expert
or something in Versailles.
Clear?
Sphere, Loki, experts... It's bullshit.
Go back to Paris, I'll stay here...
- Baby, listen...
- No, you listen!
You gotta believe me.
The skank's right. Gotta get to Paris.
But pay my cab first.
From Versailles is costly.
You're the expert!
Expertess, not expert! Do I look like a sailor?
You see?
Hold on, who are you? Who invited you?
What's her problem? I'll smoke her.
Let's all calm down.
Amazing! Calm down, sure.
An old woman and a crappy toy!
That's not a toy.
Don't pretend you're scared!
There we are! What's wrong with you?
Put that way, it's a wedding!
Baby, are you OK? It's all over.
Who told you to come here?
Loki. Aren't you his partner?
More or less.
- Bring your floozie and let's haul ass!
- Just a sec.
Baby, are you OK?
No way!
Dickhead, heel!
The cake!
Forget the damn cake!
We gotta bail and fast.
- They're here.
- Shit!
- I haven't got all night.
- The expertess. Let's go.
I've got a 2-seater. There's 4 of us.
5! Dickhead comes too.
Follow me.
My car!
Hold on, honey!
- Help her up.
- I am helping her up.
I told you to hold on!
- He bawls her out, too!
- She loses everything!
He's an asshole. I told you.
Floor it! They're right behind us.
The jewels! They might be in the van.
Quick!
Drive!
- OK back there?
- Swell!
Loads of leg-room. Swap, bitch?
- Just drive!
- Stop!
- No time!
- Dickhead needs to pee.
It's his prostate.
He can pee in the car, it's Anne-Marie's.
Sure, but not on me.
What about Anne-Marie?
Dickhead's his real name?
Loki.
I'm ready to negotiate.
I'm listening.
Complete the mission, we'll wipe the slate clean.
Quai de la Tournelle. A houseboat.
The Catherina, from Amsterdam.
And we make the swap.
- Opposite Notre Dame?
- That's all I can say.
You got a chocolate? For the dog.
Screw your dog! What are we swapping?
I know what the package is.
Log onto my site.
- Who is it?
- Toff. He's worked it out.
- Toff?
- Yeah.
Quietly!
Fuck Paris FC.
Let me try.
Fuck Paris FC.
I've got a better idea.
Here it comes...
- What is it?
- Dunno.
It looks like...
Some stupid painting.
Not some stupid painting.
A self-portrait by Rembrandt.
- Who?
- Rembrandt,
1606-1669,
a 17th century Dutch master.
One of his signature techniques
is the use of chiaroscuro,
drawing the eye through contrast,
as we can see here.
I took courses at the Beaux-Arts.
It was stolen in Oslo last year.
The assholes think they found it,
but the real one's on the Catherina,
opposite Notre Dame.
Estimated value, 50 million!
Art trafficking's more lucrative
than drugs and arms.
That's Sphere's business.
Not them!
Freeze!
Shit!
Don't crack! You can't!
I'm with bitch for once. Don't crack.
You realize this sounds insane?
Who'd believe you?
You, guys. You're my only hope.
It's really important you believe me.
There!
It's the Catherina.
- OK, it's genuine.
- OK for me, too.
The self-portrait.
The real one.
All for that?
Expensive postcard!
50 million. Respect.
We'll be going then.
Stay for coffee.
We don't have time, actually.
I'll have one. And a chocolate for the dog?
Chocolate for the dog?
You want him to die?
It's dangerous. It'll kill him.
Here goes.
Call the cops just in case.
You'd better be going, too.
No hard feelings?
Come here.
Thanks for everything.
Go on...
Be right back, baby.
You got something going on?
You're so wide of the mark, sweetie.
He was too busy risking his life to save yours.
What he did for you,
no guy would do for me.
Authenticated and delivered on time.
What talent! I'm impressed.
Yeah, sure. Free my buddy.
OK, Rico?
I was gonna kick his ass!
Be gentle, I break easily!
The painting!
Release him first.
Freeze!
Keep cool!
- Drop your gun!
- Drop it!
Drop it! Let him go!
Stay still! Drop your guns!
He's the one you should be arresting!
Dad, this way!
It's him! He's your man!
I gotta do everything around here!
Interpol! Art Trafficking Unit.
- Look!
- Heard of Interpol, you chumps?
No one ever tells us!
Freeze!
Give me the case!
Come on!
Don't move!
Stay right there!
Drop your gun.
Drop it or I'll smoke you!
Back up.
- You're a good courier.
- Sure.
Shit!
So?
I'm not a real cop?
You're a real dad.
- Backup.
- You're late.
- The package is on its way.
- A problem?
- No.
- You have it?
The real one?
- Everything's fine.
- It had better be.
It damn well better be.
Is this a joke?
- The painting!
- 50 million gone down the pan!
This what you're after?
The Rembrandt.
How did you do it?
A courier doesn't lose stuff.
I think I'd better be going.
Come on, Dickhead.
I'd say saving one of humanity's masterpieces
cancels out the jewel heist.
Something like that. And they played straight.
They gave it all back.
I hope so at least.
Yeah, no problem.
All of it.
It's the first time we stop Sphere.
- We'll let it go.
- Thanks.
And with the data on this,
we'll soon track down Loki.
- I know a guy who could help.
- Yeah?
Paris's finest. You need him at Interpol.
Maurice Skjqurilngskwicz. Hard to spell,
but he's my dad.
That way, maybe you won't pull me over.
Gentlemen...
For Interpol, how does it work?
Do I need to sit an exam?
- Are you stupid?
- What?
My love!
Honestly, you know that Louise,
she was hot for me.
Actually, it's me she was after.
She couldn't take her eyes off me. Pure charisma!
You really risked your life for me?
What did you expect?
I'd let them hurt you? It's non-negotiable.
And that Louise, you never touched her?
A little bit.
Mostly clobbering each other.
- I really love you.
- No, I love you.
- I do more.
- I love you more.
I found this Place Vend?me.
Are you crazy?
I love you.
I love you so bad.
Green Riders, the first eco-couriers
Look at that...
The first eco-couriers.
Bullshit!
Sam the boss! What a joke!
Ecology, my ass. People are pigs.
No kidding!
Know what? Ecology's old news.
Green Riders, delivering to Atmospheres.
They were on the 22nd.
What do you mean, they were?
See what I mean now?
Yeah, I see. They've moved.
Hello, Sam.
Sphere. Recruitment Department.