Crazy Kind of Love (2013) Movie Script

Dad's leaving.
I know.
He's moving in
with Marion Hughes.
And you're just
going to let him?
I'm taking the car tonight.
How come I've never
seen you before?
I'm not all that sure
you can see me right now.
Happy graduation... fuckers.
Henry! Henry! Henry!
Where were you?
I fell asleep in the woods.
We need more waffles.
Did you hear about Augusta?
How are you?
I'm fine.
Right. If you need anything,
I want you to call me.
Mom? Mom.
Mom, if you don't sit up,
they're gonna call an ambulance.
Sit up.
Sit up!
Thanks. She's okay.
It's Henry.
Dad took off, and Mom had
some sort of breakdown.
I just thought
that you should know.
Oh. Okay.
If you ever need somebody
to talk to, I'm available.
I'm fine.
Okay. How's your mother?
How's she doing?
I can stop by the house.
She's out of town.
Well, you know where to find me.
Fucking ministers.
I've seen you twice
in the last three days.
Yeah. It's been a shit week.
Can I make it $50 over
and get some cash back?
You're paying me
with your mom's check?
She's not going to notice.
I'll tell you what.
If you want cash, I could use
someone to help me mow.
I got a bigger customer base
this summer. What do you say?
Twelve bucks an hour. Free tan.
- What else you got going on?
- Not a whole lot.
Sweet. Meet me out front
in the morning at 9:00.
Don't be late. Tardiness
is the sign of a selfish man.
Keep this. Take it out
of your first paycheck.
I'm not letting you buy weed
with the family funds.
What family?
I'm supposed to give
these to you.
Thank you.
Because your mom went crazy.
Are those Toll House cookies?
- She's just a kid, man.
- Yeah.
Don't worry about it.
Let's pack it up.
They say people that meet in grocery
stores usually fall in love at first sight.
It's a good thing
we met at a party.
That's it?
God, I had so much hope for you.
Wait a sec.
I don't even know your name.
If you told me that night at the
party, I was kind of shit-faced.
It's Bette.
Bette. Bette what?
Bette Mack.
I'm Henry.
Yeah, I figured.
Since that's what
everyone was chanting
when you wet yourself
that night.
I can't believe
I haven't talked to you before.
How long have you lived here?
About a month.
Yeah? Where did you move from?
Pick a state.
I've seen most of them.
Strike two.
Make yourself at home.
What are you doing
for the 4th of July?
Well, I suppose I could
hang out with you...
but you'd probably leave in the
middle without any explanation.
I won't. I promise.
Then I guess
we're watching fireworks.
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are you doing here?
You called me.
You didn't have to come home.
I don't have any summer
classes or anything.
That's all.
Well, don't expect anything
to be the way it used to be.
It's not.
It was never that good anyway.
Oh, no! It's not lighting.
I'll get it.
There you go.
Oh, wow. You look so good
framed in sparkles.
People tell me that
all the time.
Let's go over there.
It's got the best view.
She has a crush on you.
Okay. Shh.
Okay, biggest fear?
- Zombies. Yours?
- Thunder.
- Favorite color?
- Rainbow.
- I don't think that's a color.
- Yeah, it is.
It's seven colors in one.
- Most embarrassing moment?
- The night we met.
I was kind of an idiot.
- I wish I knew you in the 3rd grade.
- Why?
Because I'd already know
everything about you.
You live with your parents?
With my mom.
Me, too.
Is your dad off at the jackass
convention with mine?
Yeah, something like that.
Someone told me that
you were like...
the Babe Ruth of your team.
- Not really.
- No?
I played baseball,
but I quit last season.
How come?
- I just felt like it.
- You just felt like it?
You just woke up one day and you're
like, "I don't like baseball."
Pretty much.
Good. Now that's over with.
First kiss.
I always hate waiting for it.
Is your mom going to get pissed
if we mess up the kitchen?
She's away. On a trip.
Here, you sit.
I am going to make you
something good.
You can really cook?
The midnight snack
is my specialty.
I'm guessing this isn't you.
That's my brother.
He's got all the brains.
That's right. Because you're just
a dumb stoner who hates baseball.
Pancakes. Ta-da!
Really? You're ta-da-ing
I hate to break it to you,
but frozen waffles are
pretty much the same thing...
and ten times easier to make.
I've got waffles.
I would say that
this makes us soul mates...
but if your soul mate is
determined by a frozen waffle...
then we're all pretty much
screwed, aren't we?
What? What?
Bette Mack,
you did not just do that.
Yeah, I did. No, no! Not me!
What happened? I heard noises.
- Hey.
- Hey. What...
Oh, hey! Bette.
Your brother just squirted me
with pancake syrup.
Is he always such a jerk?
What was that?
Four, maybe five seconds?
- I'm sorry.
- Sorry?
Wrong answer. Give me your hand.
Come on. Okay.
So, feel that spot? Right there?
Remember that spot. Hopefully
you'll be seeing more of it.
Good Lord.
I lied.
My mom's not away.
Where is she?
She's in the next room.
Oh, my...
I hope the walls are thick.
She hasn't gotten up
for a while.
How long's a while?
A few weeks.
Is that how long
your dad's been gone?
They always go out
with a bang, don't they?
Yes, they do.
Hey! It was so nice
meeting you.
I'm late for work.
I'll see you later, okay?
- See ya!
- Bye!
- Did you sleep out here?
- You were...
So I just...
You don't need to sleep
on the porch
just because I have
a girl in the house.
She left her gum in the kitchen.
So are you the gum police?
It's unsanitary.
Are you spying on us? What did
you think you were going to see?
- I just wanted to see...
- Why don't you go inside...
and see what your screwing
around has done to her?
I don't want...
Go fucking look at her.
Well, that was productive.
Shut up.
Do you want him to come back
or do you want him to stay away?
I want him to go fuck himself.
I'm going to the store later
if you need anything.
Quinoa, kelp, spelt.
- Oh, no. Mom...
- I'm not dead.
I'm just re-evaluating.
Hey, Harvard! What!
I almost didn't recognize you
without your little PJs on.
Did Henry tell you
that I work here?
No, actually... No, he did not.
Let's see what you got here.
Millet, vitamin C, shampoo.
Let's see.
Greasy hair or dry hair?
- Dry.
- Right.
Yes. Try this.
It's got rattlesnake jizz
or something in it.
I don't know.
It's supposed to work miracles.
- I'm going to pay now.
- Hold on.
- You only got half your stuff.
- That's fine...
Soy milk is over there.
- I'll grab your colon cleanse.
- That's not for me.
Don't worry, I'm an expert.
Too much cascara sagrada
and you will not be able
to leave the house.
You could, but
it wouldn't be pretty.
And you don't strike me as the
type who likes to poop in public.
All right.
I got your colon cleanse.
Let's ring you up, buttercup.
Let me know how it all goes.
With your colon and all.
Miss me?
You have no idea.
I think someone still owes me
a couple of orgasms.
I think that I like you a lot,
Bette Mack
I think you do, too
What would you like to do
with your life, Henry Iris?
That's a good question, Bette.
I think I would like to do this.
And that. Lots and lots of that.
What would I like to do
with the rest of my life?
I don't know. What would you like
to do with the rest of your life?
Well, I'd like to save
the whales, cure cancer...
and make lots and lots
of waffles.
I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to do yet.
I think I'd like
to figure it out with you.
Wow. I didn't know
anyone was down here.
- Who are you?
- I'm Henry's new girlfriend.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to scare you.
My mom tells me that
I scare her all the time.
Because I don't make any noise
when I move.
Maybe I should wear some bells.
I'm Bette, by the way. I'm
guessing you're Henry's mom.
Henry was saying that
you're having a bad time.
I didn't realize it was so bad.
I wasn't expecting
to see anybody.
Oh, my God. No. Don't apologize.
I'm the one who suddenly appears in
your kitchen at three in the morning.
My mom did the complete opposite
when my dad cut off on her.
She started wearing slutty
clothes, got her hair dyed...
her bellybutton pierced.
I think you're doing
the better thing.
You know? Freak out, right off
the top. Get it out of the way.
When my mom did hit bottom...
You are looking like a
supermodel compared to her.
Just stay in bed
until the pain checks out.
It won't be long, though.
I can tell you're
on the upswing.
He forgot to take
his rabbit's foot.
Yeah, I know it's silly.
It's just a goddamn keychain.
But I think
he would've wanted it.
What's up with you
and this Bette chick?
How did you hear about that?
Small town. People talk.
Yeah, no shit.
Is she hot?
She's nice.
- Nice?
- She's nice.
Oh, my God. This is serious.
You're really into
this Bette girl.
- What can I get you?
- I'll have a draft.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
Holy shit!
You sure have grown up,
haven't you?
Yeah. I guess.
I remember when you were the
pervy freshman in gym class...
trying to look up my shorts.
Yeah. I'm sorry about that.
I actually didn't mind.
I'm Janeen, in case you forgot.
I'll see you around, Henry.
Oh, my God. Dude, go get her.
- Nope.
- Oh, really?
Oh, my God. This is serious.
You really like this Bette girl.
Come on.
- Slow down.
- No, it's great!
Easy, old timer.
You slept out here?
I was waiting for Bette,
but she never came.
I think you should tell me if she's
going to be spending a lot of time here...
and if she is, I think we should
work out some kind of schedule.
Why do we need a schedule?
She's very disruptive.
What the fuck
is there to disrupt?
This place was like a tomb
until you came home.
My God! My mother
is driving me crazy!
Why does she have luggage?
I cannot deal with her.
What happened?
Can I just stay here awhile?
Yeah. Of course you can.
Got you in the butt!
Got you in the butt!
Rise and shine!
Or maybe just sit up and
twinkle. No need to overexert.
I don't watch TV.
It is never too late to start.
I would recommend you start
with a few talk shows...
then work your way up to a good,
healthy soap addiction.
Steamed kale? Really?
This is not depression food.
Matthew really needs
to get with the program.
We are in DEFCON 3, people!
You need Springer,
snack food, trash mags.
I'm gonna get some Cheetos.
You know why?
Today's goal is to be bloated
and brain-dead by noon.
I want you five pounds overweight
by the time I get home from work.
You know I live here now, right?
What was your mom like?
Like, before?
She made me feel safe.
She came to all my games.
She cut my hair,
made brownies...
gave me advice.
Girl advice?
Aw, what girls?
You're the only girl I know.
I'm the best girl you know.
I just wish that you knew my mom
back when she was normal.
Your mom is plenty normal.
Being sad doesn't mean
you're crazy.
Being crazy means you're crazy.
What's the difference?
Trust me, once you've seen
you never forget
what it looks like.
Henry! It's time for work!
Your yard looks like shit,
Yeah, well, talk to my dad.
He used to mow it.
I'm not going to pick up
his fucking slack.
- How are you?
- I'm fine.
Is your mother still away?
She's home.
Okay. Well, if you need
anything, let me know.
You should probably take that
joint out of your pocket
before it burns your dick off.
every week on this show...
someone inexplicably comes down
with hypothermia...
and has to get naked with their
sworn enemy...
which they just happen to have
amazing sexual chemistry with...
in order to stay alive.
You're going to live!
Oh. Okay.
I find that rather...
it's my birthday.
It is?
I'm sorry, Matty.
I forgot.
No, it's just...
I was thinking about
those birthday hats
that you always
used to make me...
and I was thinking about how I
never appreciated them much...
and thought maybe I could've
been a nicer kid.
I should've been
a better mother.
Oh, my God.
Your dad was kind of
a hippie when he was young.
Yeah, I guess.
That photo of him upstairs,
he's all normal and dad-like.
I wonder why people do that.
- Do what?
- Change.
Is that his art studio out back?
Yeah, it was his art studio.
Let's go check it out.
- No.
- How come?
Because I can think of about
a thousand better things to do.
Oh, yeah? Like what?
Are we going to have a nooner?
I got to get all I can
while you can still stand me.
I'm so cold!
Marcos, don't let me die!
I will not let you die,
I saw some old pictures
of you downstairs.
You are hiding quite the rack
underneath that shirt.
Might want to think about letting
the ladies see the sun again someday.
Even the Bible says not to hide
your light under a bushel.
Let them out!
It's Matthew's birthday today.
And I forgot.
He had to tell me.
Hey, don't worry.
I will bake a cake,
light some candles
and sing out of tune,
all that good stuff.
How old is he?
He's 25.
Wow. He does not seem 25.
I know.
I'm on it. I got it. I got it.
She's insane.
Happy birthday!
Henry's bringing pizza home.
I told him to get veggie
for you,
so make sure you
come down for dinner.
Yes, I will do that.
Hey, I've got a girl for you.
You can thank me later.
She's a vegan, but not opposed
to candles made with animal fat.
And she really, really...
wants to meet you.
Iris, Henry. Two Vegetarians
and a Meat Lovers Deluxe.
We met...
I know where we met.
I'm afraid I didn't make
a good impression.
I'm sorry about everything.
Let me talk to him.
Are we enemies now?
We're not anything now.
I didn't leave you. I left your
mother. You're too young to understand.
You're right. You didn't do anything
wrong. You're fucking perfect.
Can we talk about this, please?
You lied to me.
Yes. I'm sorry.
What can I do to fix it?
Where are you going?
Hey, come here.
Your dad is
a really good artist.
Yeah. Yeah, he is.
What's wrong?
I saw my dad today with Marion.
I used to love to come in here
as a kid and watch him paint.
Did you make that?
With my dad.
It's okay to remember the things
that you liked about him.
I don't want to remember.
Matthew? I've got
your birthday cake.
It's gluten-free
with non-dairy frosting.
Happy birthday
Happy, happy birthday
Happy birthday
Happy birthday, Matt
Fine, I'll blow out
your candles.
Don't worry.
I made you a really good wish.
Got some pizza.
Did Matthew like his cake?
Okay, seriously?
He's got some issues.
And I know it's not like
you don't know.
I just don't understand how
he can be getting his PhD...
and not be able to have a
conversation without shitting himself.
Shouldn't Harvard
have fixed that by now?
He's been like that
since he was a little boy.
Does your mother know that
you're living here?
Yeah. I just don't want to live
with her. She's a little unstable.
- And I'm the pillar of sanity?
- But you have your reasons.
I mean, she does, too...
but the guys she has picked since my
dad left are so frickin' foul, it's...
Where's your father?
Last I heard, Tennessee.
He doesn't exactly
keep in touch.
What is that?
That's Henry. He's smashing
stuff in the studio.
He's trying to figure
some things out.
Can I come in?
I brought you some coffee.
Are you okay?
I just need to clear my head.
I invited over a potential girlfriend
for Matthew for dinner tonight...
so they will probably need our
help in the conversation department.
I'm just going to stay
out here for a while.
I was just pruning out
the dead limbs.
Stimulates growth.
I'm a professional.
Do you have a cigarette
I can borrow?
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
Take the whole pack.
- Do you have a lighter?
- Yeah.
Good catch.
Your first time?
Who are you, anyway?
I'm Jeff.
Thanks, Jeff.
You're welcome.
- Hi!
- Hi!
I brought my famous
green tea pudding.
Awesome! Just put it in the kitchen
over there. I'll go grab Matthew.
I really think you two
are going to hit it off.
- I hope so.
- Yay!
Did Bette tell you about our vegan
bargain points down at the store?
Oh, yeah.
Ten percent of every vegan item
goes to Guatemalan orphans...
who lost their village due to
capitalist rape of their habitat.
Did I tell you that Matthew
is getting his Ph. D.?
- Oh, wow.
- Yeah.
It's chemistry, right, Matthew?
Yes. Chemistry. Organic. Carbon
and oxygen based... compounds.
That is fantastic.
You could invent a new fuel and save
us all from blood-soaked petroleum.
Yeah. Yes. Yes.
Why don't you take Annie to the
farmers' market this weekend?
Come on. It will be so much fun.
I'd love to go. I heard that
they're getting a new melon.
Excuse me.
I'll be right back.
Just a second.
Matthew. Hey.
- What's wrong?
- Why did... I didn't want to meet her.
I'm sorry. I just wanted you to get out
and have a good time with a nice girl.
I'm sorry.
He's just a little nervous.
But I really think
that he likes you.
- You think?
- Trust me.
- Call you tomorrow?
- Okay.
- Thanks for the pudding!
- Sure!
I'm sorry. I just wanted you
to have a good time.
I really think a girl would make
a big difference in your life.
Give you a little confidence.
Why don't you make a list of all the
qualities you're looking for in a girl...
and then I could go scout around
for the perfect one?
Or maybe you could just tell me
to fuck off.
Yeah. That.
It's okay. It's just me.
I'm going to sleep in here tonight so
you can get used to being around a girl.
Just think of it as therapy.
Good night.
Jesus, you look like shit.
Get up. Got to go.
What the hell is this?
Did you make this thing?
It's the inside of my head.
You probably shouldn't
advertise that.
Hey, listen.
I can cover for you for a couple days,
then I'm really going to need you back.
All right?
Seriously? I'm the first girl
who's ever been in your room?
What about at school?
I did have a lab partner over
a few times freshman year.
Did you kiss her?
Then what happened?
I got the feeling
I wasn't very good at it.
Mostly because she told me
and then she dropped the class.
What? She's so rude...
Henry. Henry.
How are you?
Do we have any waffles?
Yeah. I think there's a couple
boxes in the freezer.
Is there anything else you want?
That I can get for you?
No. I'm good.
"Our step-by-step guide to..."
"Married and divorced women are
precluded from taking their vows."
Are we still together?
Annie asked about you today.
Why are you...
She wants to know
if you like her.
Yes. No. I don't...
What are you doing?
We're going to have sex.
I think once we get you past your
first time, you're going to be fine.
Why are you doing this?
Because you need me to.
Do you think you can go to the
store and get me some more beer?
We're out.
Yeah. I mean, yes. Yes.
Need another pack?
I like your robe.
I'm sorry,
did you say something?
Your robe. I like it.
Some summer, huh?
I suppose.
Hey, do you mind if I come up?
It's just kind of hard
to talk like this.
Yeah? Okay.
I came up to tell you that
smoking is bad for you.
It looks exactly like
I thought it would.
That's rare... when a place
lives up to your imagination.
I'm sorry. You must think
I'm a little off.
You must think I'm a little off.
No. No, I've never really been
one to make judgments.
People are usually too busy
making them about me.
People drive by this window
and they slow down...
and look up like there's going
to be something to see.
Yeah? Moon the bastards.
I was thinking about getting a
recording of a woman screaming...
and blasting it out the window.
Let me know. I could hook you up.
I got a pretty decent sound system.
We could rig up a dummy,
give it a wig...
and you could chuck it out the
window when the cars go by.
Well, I guess
I should get going.
Thanks for the cigarettes.
Yeah, any time.
Just call me.
Seriously, it's 68-GRASS.
It's easy.
I asked the phone company
for it specially.
Oh, because you do lawns.
That, too.
See you.
So, now that you've done it,
how do you feel?
Are you a new man today?
I think we might
have to do it again.
Just to make sure
that I got it right.
Once is a lesson.
Twice is a relationship.
And I'm still in love
with Henry.
Ready to go with Annie now?
Did she even like me?
Of course she did. She's all
into that brainy stuff.
When I said Ph. D.,
she got twitchy.
I may not even finish my thesis.
What's the holdup?
If I finish, I have to graduate
and get a job.
- Isn't that the point?
- In theory.
There's not a lot of people out
there with a brain quite like yours...
so I'm thinking that God
or Buddha or whatever...
they wouldn't have
given it to you...
unless they knew you were going
to do something kick-ass with it.
They say practice makes perfect.
You're funny, Matthew.
Did you sleep with him?
I'm not going to lie to you.
What are you doing?
I guess I'm leaving.
- You're leaving?
- I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean
to screw anything up.
No, you didn't.
You didn't screw anything up.
You motherfucker!
Fucking asshole!
That's enough! Stop it!
That's enough! Henry!
Stop it, Henry! Get off!
Oh, my God. Are you all right?
Can you stand?
Oh, God, you're bleeding!
Go check on Henry.
- Henry's gone. Can you find him?
- Yeah.
It's going to be okay.
Rough day?
You want another one?
I want a lot of things.
I'm glad you finally
came to your senses.
Your mom's worried about you.
Let's get you home.
What do you know about my mom?
- You've had enough to drink...
- Get the fuck off me.
You need to get
your shit together!
Stay away from my mother.
- Take care of him.
- Yeah.
Henry. Hey.
Are you all right?
Not really. My girlfriend...
She fucked my brother.
Slide over.
Honestly, I didn't know my brother
had a dick until last night.
I just want to get out of here.
I'm sick of this town.
That might not be a bad idea.
You got a place to go?
I met this girl that lives
out in Cornwall.
She said that I could stay
with her for a while.
What should I do?
You want to know if I think
you should stay or go?
I think it's time that you lived
your life.
If only I knew what that meant.
You will.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
How are you?
Come on.
You think we'll be
like them one day?
What? Old?
You know what I mean.
I like to think that...
we could be them someday.
Holding hands together.
What's the matter?
Do you like frozen waffles?
Do you like them?
Yeah. They're okay, I guess.
- I'll tell Mom.
- No, no.
Don't tell her I'm here.
I came to talk to you.
It's cold out.
Where have you been staying?
I've been living in Cornwall,
with this girl, Janeen.
Because I couldn't live here.
I wish I could change
I never meant to hurt you.
I don't even know
how it happened.
Everything my brain said didn't make
any difference to the rest of my body.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry I broke your nose.
I kind of liked it, actually.
It made me look badass.
Nice coat, badass.
It's not mine.
Did she ever come back?
Come inside.
Why didn't you sleep
in your bed?
It didn't feel
like mine anymore.
I hate to think of you
so lost, Henry.
I didn't know what to do.
When Bette left?
No, when you left.
I knew that
he was seeing Marion.
I know.
Because of that look
on your face...
when you told me you were going
to that poker tournament.
And I hated him
for making you lie.
He promised that he would stay
if I kept quiet.
I should have told you.
You should have had
less selfish parents.
If I had made him leave sooner,
you wouldn't have had to lie.
You made him leave?
Kicking him out might have been the
only decent thing I ever did as a mother.
That's not true.
Trust me,
I could have done better.
Tell me what I can do
to make it up to you?
Tell me what I should do
for the rest of my life.
Can I get back to you
on that one?
Oh, sweetie.
What took you so long?
- Hey, Henry.
- Hey.
You're selling it?
Yeah. I hate to, but...
I haven't driven it in years,
and it's time to clean house.
I remember when you and your
brother were little...
you'd sit in the driveway behind
the wheel and pretend driving.
How much?
Is this the car
that you peed in?
Nice wheels!
Before you guys get all weird,
just do the math.
Five months.
Looks like you're the lucky
winner, Henry.
All those health class lectures about how
pot makes you sterile were a load of crap.
What are you doing?
A little bit of a warning,
that would have been nice.
Here's a warning.
Use a condom.
I'm just going to mess
that kid up.
You know that.
Here's what I think.
You're going to make
a wonderful father.
Why? Because I had
such a great example?
You asked me what you should do
with the rest of your life...
and the answer is waiting
for you downstairs.
You got to tell me
if you want me here.
I mean, just take out
the baby part.
Are you at all happy to see me?
- I am.
- Really?
I wanted you back
ever since you left.
I mean, underneath all the being
pissed off and everything.
I missed you. A lot.
And I want you back.
I just...
Didn't expect me to show up
with your baby in me?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I wish it didn't make me
want to shit myself.
You know what I figure?
We've got a pretty good blueprint
of what not to do to a kid.
I think that's going to work
to the baby's advantage.
Just... promise me we're not
going to mess this kid up.
I promise.
Okay, so now what?
We're going to have a baby.
I got that one.
I'll give you some space.
- I just need a minute.
- No problem.
Who is it?
It's your father.
How are you?
I'm good.
You look good.
Where's your mother?
What are you doing here?
Marion left me.
You're going to be okay.
What's that?
Oh, my God!
- What should I do?
- Was that supposed to happen?
Oh, my God. It's time
to go to the hospital.
I'm going to get the car.
- Thank you!
- All right!
Matthew, go get the suitcase.
Henry, stay and help.
- Am I going to be able to do this?
- Yeah, you can do it.
- I'm so scared!
- Don't be scared.
- Is this normal?
- Yes, it's totally normal.
Women have babies every day.
We're going to be fine.
Let me go first.
We're having a baby!
- It's happening!
- Buckle up.
Let's go, let's go, let's go!