Crocodylus: Mating Season (2023) Movie Script

[dramatic music]
[glass breaking]
[gentle music]
[duck quacking]
[dramatic music]
[birds chirping]
[water splashing]
[birds chirping]
[dramatic music]
- Hey, what do you say when
I get rid of these tourists,
we swab the deck?
- Terrible.
You're at full mast.
- Whoops.
[birds chirping]
[people speaking indistinctly]
Ahoy there land lubbers.
Welcome to me, vessel
and out to sea.
- It's a lake.
Is he gonna talk like
that the whole time?
- Is this where we get
the alligator tour?
- Aye lass, and let me tell you,
best alligator tour in
the whole of Florida.
[Lex laughing]
- It better be for 79.99 a tour.
- I don't wanna see
the stupid gators,
just sit there.
- We have to see the
gators, we're in Florida.
- There'll be no refunds.
- Can't we like
ski or something?
- Don't worry, pumpkin.
Do you have any skis?
- Ah, we'll see what
we've got for you.
- Well, we have this, captain.
- Perfect.
A floaty for the wee lass.
Oh, look at the lungs on pop.
I'm sure he could float it up.
[Lex laughing]
Welcome aboard.
[boat engine revving]
- Watch out for the crocodylus
on your perilous alligator tour.
All the dangerous spots
are marked on the map.
- Stupid crocodylus isn't real.
- I hope not.
- [Lex] Are you guys
ready for some fun?
- [Patty] Aye.
- [Lex] Are you ready
for the adventure?
Aye let's go out to sea.
[Walt blowing]
[boat engine revving]
Are you ready to
see some alligators?
- [Patty] Aye.
[Lex laughing]
[boat engine revving]
[gentle music]
[birds chirping]
[dramatic music]
[boat engine revving]
- Having a good trip so far?
- Eventually we might
have some alligators
on this alligator tour.
- Well, let me
tell you something.
Do you see that big tree?
Right below it is
where I found the leg
of the little boy that
was taken by crocodylus.
- You found a severed leg?
- Aye, lass, I used
to be a lawman.
Until the crocodylus attacks.
I've seen things a
man would never see.
Things that would keep
you awake at night.
The bloody murder.
The claws, the teeth.
[Lex laughing]
- This guy's really good.
- He just looking
for bigger tips.
[Walt throat clearing]
- Okay, whatever, man.
Can I just go tubing now.
[Lex laughing]
- Off we go.
[boat engine revving]
[dramatic music]
- All right.
Okay, hun?
[boat engine revving]
[both laughing]
- This is so great,
she's finally having fun.
- So, crocodylus is real, huh?
- Aye, it sure is.
But the beast was
slain many years ago.
- Oh.
- [Lex] You got nothing to
worry about on this lake.
- But it killed a
lot of people, right?
- Honey, that is not
a good thing to ask.
- Why, it's just a question,
it's part of the
experience, right?
- Let me tell you something.
When you get back
to the gift shop,
I've got crocodylus T-shirts
at discounted rates,
especially for you guys.
[Lex laughing]
- Joan, Joan.
- Joan!
Where'd she go?
I'm sure she's fine.
She had a life vest on.
She had a life vest on, right?
- She had a life vest on.
- [Patty] Yeah, okay.
[ominous music]
- We're gonna need
a bigger float.
[Patty screaming]
- Joan.
[Joan screaming]
[people speaking indistinctly]
[dramatic music]
[Walt screaming]
[dramatic music]
- It's alive!
It's alive!
[Lex screaming]
[dramatic music]
[people speaking indistinctly]
[camera shutter clicking]
[gentle upbeat music]
[camera shutter clicking]
[gentle upbeat music]
[camera shutter clicking]
[camera shutter clicking]
- Hey.
- Oh shit.
- Hey.
[car engines revving]
Stop! Hey you.
[car engines revving]
[roof banging]
Hey, you, I'm talking to you.
- Can I help you?
[car engines revving]
- Yeah, man, we saw you
pointing a camera at us.
Were you taking a picture of us?
- No, no.
It was a bird.
I'm a birder.
It was a falcon.
- Yeah.
- A Millennium Falcon.
- Where? I love those.
- Gimme that camera.
- I don't know what
you're talking about.
- Gimme that camera.
Dude, I'm gonna beat this car in
until you gimme that camera.
- Does it look like I
care if you beat Darlene?
- Just gimme the footage and
I'll stop beating on Darlene.
Come on, Darlene.
- Stop.
It's Eileen.
- It's a good song.
- Look, I really,
I really don't know
what you're talking about.
- Oh, okay, what website?
- What?
- What website do you work for?
- Oh, are you somebody famous?
- What, you never
heard of Slade?
- Oh, wait, your name is Slade?
I thought it was Johnny.
- Stop, both of you.
Oh, so you're not paparazzi.
Oh, you must be
working for my wife.
How much is she paying you?
I'll give you 200
for the photos.
- Look, I'm a man of
integrity, all right.
- 300.
- Do you have cash?
- Shit.
[dramatic music]
- Does he treat you like that?
- Stupid, I'm not a memory card.
- If I ever see your face again.
- You won't.
But ah, think you guys
could gimme a little push?
- Oh, I'll push ya.
Come on babe.
[gentle upbeat music]
- I don't believe this.
Doesn't bring me any joy
to show you these
pictures, Ms. Honeyworth.
[Jill crying]
- I can't believe he would
do something like this.
I mean, I guess he had all
these mysterious meetings.
[Jill crying]
- In my experience,
if you don't think
you can trust someone,
you're probably right.
[Jill crying]
You'll be better off.
My secretary, Christina will
be able to take care of you
right out front.
We got him dead to rights.
So just think about all
the money that you're-
- I don't want money Mr. Bates,
I just want my husband.
- Well, if you don't want money,
we take cash,
credit, several apps.
- I've had many
lovers, you know.
None of them have
been like my Slade.
[Jill crying]
- Yeah, I don't need
to know any that.
Christina will take care of you.
- Oh, he used to do this
one thing with an ice cube.
Oh, he would take the ice cube
and he put it in his mouth.
- You can tell
Christina all about it.
[Jill crying]
There you go, there you go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[door closing]
[gentle music]
[alcohol pouring]
[saxophone music]
[wall banging]
Can you keep it down in there?
- [Neighbor] Hey man, I
really gotta practice.
- Just keep it down.
- [Neighbor] All right,
fine, I'll keep it down.
[gentle saxophone music]
[door knocking]
- Hey boss.
Your next client's here.
- Let me guess,
another housewife
looking to catch her
cheating husband.
[door closing]
- Something else entirely.
- Ooh, don't tease me.
- Me, I wouldn't dream of it.
Let's look sharp for
your next client now.
- When are you gonna let
me take you out to dinner?
- Don't make me file
a complaint with HR,
with all this job
place harassment.
- You're my only employee.
- I think that makes
me the HR department.
Besides, we both know you'll
never settle down again.
- Oh, don't bring her name up.
- I wouldn't dare
bring up Lenora.
[Harry sighing]
- Miss. Glades, come on in.
This is Miss. Allie Glades.
[gentle music]
Close your mouth dear.
- Right.
Miss. Glades, have a seat here.
- Allie is fine.
- Yes, yes you are.
- What was that, detective?
- Oh, detective,
that's so formal.
- Oh, is Master Bates better?
- Oh God, no.
Even though that was my
nickname in high school.
Can I get you a drink, Allie?
Screwdrivers are my specialty.
- No, thank you.
- How can I help you, Allie?
- Well, it's about
my brother Mark.
He went missing
a few months ago.
- [Harry] You went
to the police.
- Yes, but that's the
strange thing, detective.
As hard as I've tried,
I get the feeling
that they're trying
to get rid of me.
- Now who would
wanna get rid of you?
- I think they know more
than they're letting on.
I think they're trying
to cover something up.
- Was he important?
Did he get in a lot of
trouble with the law?
- Just the usual stuff.
Bar fights, public
streaking, extreme couponing,
spoiling the end of movies
at theaters, you know.
- Yeah, the usual stuff.
- A few months before he went
missing, he got really sick
cancer or something.
But then one day he
stopped being sick
and he got like really fit.
- That's not something
people normally say
about their siblings,
but go ahead.
- I thought it was a miracle,
but when I pressed him on it,
he said he had been taking
some type of experimental drug.
- Where do you think
he got this drug?
- Well, he was working as
a tech at Regenerate Labs,
so probably...
- Random drug dealer
on the street.
Got it.
- They said you were the best.
- Who?
I should give him the
dollar to shut up.
- Another thing,
the last day I saw him, he
started acting really strange.
- Strange how?
Like drugs from a random
drug dealer, strange,
or paint a clown
face on your ass
and pretend you're in
the circus, strange?
- Close, but no.
He was really angry and hungry.
- I believe the word you're
looking for is hangry.
- Yeah, but,
he was eating raw meat.
[dramatic music]
- So let me get this straight.
Your brother got cancer and
maybe took an experimental drug,
and then he liked
to eat raw meat?
- I know you must
think I'm crazy,
but I'm telling you,
he wasn't himself.
He was acting so strange.
I went to offer him
some orange juice,
you know, for all the
vitamins and healthy benefits.
And he like freaked
out, scratched me.
[dramatic music continues]
- That's some scratch.
- Mark was so embarrassed.
He took off and I
haven't seen him since.
- When was this?
- A few months ago.
Right around the time
they shut down the lake,
when there was all
those alligator attacks.
- Alligator attacks?
All right, who put
you up to this?
- No one.
- Sounds like a good story.
Maybe it was the crocodylus.
- You make fun, but my
brother is actually missing.
- Okay, hold on, I'm sorry.
You're right.
All right, if your
cheque clears,
I'll look into this for you,
but I don't wanna hear anything
else about the crocodylus.
[dramatic music]
- Maybe I get
overthinking things.
I'm just so worried about him.
I keep having these nightmares
about alligator attacks.
[dramatic music]
- This is my
personal cell phone,
in case you have anymore
with those nightmares,
you can call me.
- Thank you.
- We'll follow up.
- Another thing, detective,
when I touched
him, he felt cold.
Ice cold.
- That's different.
I'll keep a note of that.
[dramatic music]
[door opening]
[dramatic music]
[door opening]
- Hey boss, how'd it go?
- Why are all the beautiful
ones always so crazy?
- That's sexist.
- File a complaint with HR.
- Done.
[door closing]
[car engine revving]
[dramatic music fades]
[car engine revving]
[gentle upbeat music]
[insects chirping]
[gentle upbeat music]
- Mind if I rest me leg, yeah.
Harry, Harry, Harry.
Pissing away the
night again, I see.
- Best bar in town.
- Clarence.
- Yeah chief?
- They got you working tonight
and all you got is
this bum to deal with?
- Yeah I know.
- Make it bitters.
Put it on my tab.
- It's on the house, chief.
- Chief?
Who would ever promote
your sorry ass.
- Hey, easy now.
I gave my leg for this town.
I'm a hero.
Isn't that right, Clarence?
- Yeah, he is a hero.
- See.
After Chief McAvoy lost
his nerve and his wife,
I was the obvious choice.
- I should have never
quit the force then.
[Rex laughing]
- That'd be a sight.
You as chief?
You couldn't even
manage your girl Lenora,
let alone manage a
police department.
[insects chirping]
[jogger panting]
[water splashing]
- Hey, are you okay?
[crocodylus chewing]
Are you choking?
Are you choking?
Oh, I know the Heimlich,
I took a class.
It was like a year
ago, but I took it.
[crocodylus spitting]
- Where do you even
get a peg leg, Rex?
- I made it myself.
- I didn't know you
worked with wood.
- Well it's not that
difficult, is it?
It's a peg.
It's not like I
carved a fancy totem.
It's a smoothed out log.
- Why not just get one of
those fancy prosthetics?
- Now between you and me, mate,
I'll keep this one
because it hurts.
I like the pain.
I like the reminder to never let
any of those bastards out
there hurt my town again.
- Bastards?
You mean crocodylus?
[Rex laughing]
- That's just some
tourist rubbish.
- Yeah, tourist rubbish.
Funny thing is, a
client came by today.
She thought her brother was
killed by the crocodylus.
- That's funny.
- Yeah, you know
what was really funny
is that she said she came to
the police and you guys...
- Glades?
Allie Glades?
- You know her?
- Leave it Harry.
- Leave what?
[dramatic music]
- As a friend,
trust me.
This ain't a road
you wanna go down.
- Wait, there's a road to this?
- So, are you good then?
[water splashing]
[dramatic music]
[jogger screaming]
[dramatic music]
- [Caller] Hello.
We've been trying to
reach you about your car.
[dramatic music]
- Rex.
What road?
- [Jogger] Crocodylus.
- Miss.
- Crocodylus.
- You okay?
- There's a crocodylus.
No, it's out there, I saw it.
It was eating an arm, an arm.
And it was trying to eat me.
[jogger panting]
- Mother of God, not again.
- Wait, you saw the crocodylus?
- I saw it, it's out there,
it's somewhere out there.
- Harry, Harry, you don't
want any part of this mate.
This is police business, okay.
Listen, it's okay.
It's gator mating season okay.
- Okay.
- They're much more
aggressive this time of year.
- [Jogger] Aha.
[dramatic music]
[insects chirping]
[gentle upbeat music]
[suspenseful music]
[gentle upbeat music]
[keyboard keys clacking]
[gentle upbeat music]
[orange squeezing]
[gentle upbeat music]
[keyboard keys clacking]
[gentle upbeat music]
[keyboard keys clacking]
[gentle upbeat music]
[keyboard keys clacking]
[gentle upbeat music]
[dramatic music]
- [Allie Voiceover]
This is Allie.
Leave a message or drop a text.
- Hi, Allie, it's Harry.
Sorry, it's so late.
It's, oh wow 2:00 a.m.
That's embarrassing.
I kind of wish I
could just delete this
and give you a text
message at this point.
But I found some
information on your brother,
I thought you might
be interested in.
So just gimme a call
or text or whatever.
All right, talk
to you soon, bye.
[dramatic music]
- Boo.
[Victoria Gasping]
[Shane laughing]
- Aw, come on, Victoria.
You scared?
- No, no, I'm good, Shane.
[dramatic music]
[water splashing]
- It's not that far.
Hey, even Phil jumped in
and I don't think he's even
been through puberty yet.
- Hey. Yes, I have.
[water splashing]
- No, no.
Get off of me.
You're getting me wet.
- Oh yeah.
That was kind of the plan.
[Shane laughing]
What are you so afraid of?
- I don't do heights.
- It's like three feet.
[Shane laughing]
- I don't like that,
that there could be
something else in there.
- Oh,
so it's the crocodylus
you're afraid of?
- No, don't be stupid.
I mean, it's not real,
is it?
- No, the crocodylus is
real and it's here right now
because it's mating season.
Watch how it's done.
[tense music]
- Puberty, activated.
[dramatic music]
[crocodylus groaning]
[dramatic music]
- I knew it was real.
[dramatic music]
[Shane screaming]
[dramatic music]
[car engine revving]
[car door opening]
[car door closing]
[door knocking]
[door hinge creaking]
- Allie?
[door hinge creaking]
[cat meowing]
[gun firing]
Oh, oh shit.
Oh shit.
[cat meowing]
[gun firing]
Oh shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
[Allie moaning]
[dramatic music]
You okay?
[dramatic music]
[Allie moaning]
- Oh my God.
Oh my cat.
- I dunno who would ever.
- Mr. Clarence.
Oh, I'd be lost without you.
- What the hell happened here?
- I don't,
I don't know.
It's all kinda blurry.
I just remember there being
a sudden large amount of pain
and then I woke up here and...
What are you doing
here, in my house?
What happened to my clothes?
- Here, here.
Let's get you covered here.
Come on, let's,
let's get you up.
Funny thing I left you a
message 'cause I had a lead
and you didn't reply.
- Wow, do you always show
up when women don't reply?
- I'm paid to be suspicious.
And my friend on the force
was acting really weird
when I brought your name up.
- So you think the
police did this to me?
- It's not impossible.
I mean, it doesn't look like
they were looking for anything.
Maybe just to scare you.
- I think I'm gonna puke.
- You might have a concussion.
Nausea is a side effect.
Lemme get you some water.
[dramatic music]
So I saw a woman last night.
- Okay, I don't need the details
about your love life detective.
- She was screaming.
- Okay, not any better.
- No, no, no, she
was freaking out
because she thought she, here,
she thought she saw
something in the lake.
- Crocodylus?
- I'll need to see more before
I'm ready to commit to that.
- Do you have a problem
with commitment detective?
- Depends what
I'm committing to.
[cellphone ringing]
- Sorry, I'm getting
a phone call.
- Let me take you to my office.
I've gotta pull out.
- Oh, I prefer
the rhythm method.
- Noted.
But we should still
go, it's safer there.
- Right.
Let me clean up and
I'll grab some things.
- Okay.
[cat meowing]
Oh, hey little guy.
[cat meowing]
I'm sorry, it
won't happen again.
[gentle upbeat music]
Oh. [glass breaking]
I'll leave.
[cat meowing]
[gentle upbeat music]
- Hi.
[gentle upbeat music]
[car door closing]
[car engine revving]
[gentle upbeat music]
[car engine revving]
[dashboard banging]
- You know, we could
have taken my car.
- She might not look like much,
but she's got it
where it counts, kid.
- Could she do the, "Kessel
Run in Less Than 12 Parsecs?"
I thought we were
doing, "Star Wars" puns.
- I was, but no
one ever gets 'em.
[Harry scoffs]
[car tires screeching]
- [Allie] What was that about?
- Wait, that license plate
on the back of that van
that matches the
company of the lab
that your brother worked for.
- Ah.
- Yeah, so I looked them
up and the company's.
- They went bankrupt.
- Right.
So what's a van with that name
doing driving around town?
[Allie gasping]
- Oh my God.
- Right.
If they stop, I'll pull
over and let you out
and I'll get you an Uber.
- Like hell you will.
I'm going with you.
- I work alone.
Okay, fine.
When we get back, you
can stay in the car.
- Pretty sure it's more
dangerous in this car
than wherever that
scientist van is going.
- Shh.
She didn't mean that Darlene.
Look, you gotta sweet
talk my baby here,
if you want her to drive right.
- You named your car Darlene?
- Yeah.
You don't name your car?
- It's not like a boat.
Boats get names.
- Richard.
[Allie laughing]
- Richard?
- What? it's a respectable name.
- I don't know.
All aboard Dick.
Sounds kind of crazy to me.
- Oh, and let's come inside
Darlene sounds better.
- Okay, I would never, ever
talk about Darlene
like that, okay?
They're pulling over, get down.
[suspenseful music]
[car engine revving]
[gravel crunching]
[suspenseful music continues]
- You got any bolt cutters?
- Would I be a
detective if I didn't?
- Yes.
Stay inside Darlene.
I'll go check it out.
- Do you even hear yourself?
[car door opening]
[car door closing]
[insects chirping]
[car door closing]
[suspenseful music continues]
- I've got a bad
feeling about this.
- Don't, I'm going.
- Fine.
But you're following my lead.
- Lead the way, Detective Bates.
[trunk closing]
- Watch this.
[tense music]
- Do you mind?
[tense music continues]
[lock breaking]
[tense music continues]
[gate opening]
[tense music continues]
[footsteps clanking]
[tense music continues]
[footsteps clanking]
[tense music continues]
[suspenseful music]
[hands clapping]
- Woo, that was a
close one, guys.
We would've been in
some deep, deep doo-doo
if that thing had
thawed all the way out.
Somebody earned themselves a
pizza party tonight. [laughs]
[computer beeping]
Laboratory log day 135,
Project Crocodylus.
Our latest attempts
to reverse engineer
the crocodylus
effect have failed.
Subject Mark Glade...
- Mark.
- continues to move on to
treatments at an increasing rate.
However, our ability to
stabilize him in his human form
have also failed.
However, his health and
regeneration effects
are off the chart, which
will impact the food industry
because we can have an
unlimited supply of gator tail,
sweet, sweet gator tail.
Oh God, croco tacos.
Croco kebabs.
Arroz con croco.
Mi gusta.
Oh God, I've been here too long.
Even the subject is
starting to look tasty.
Oh, chief.
Hey, this is unexpected.
[dramatic music]
- Do you mind telling me, mate,
why I've got your monster
killing people all over my town?
- That's ridiculous.
It's been here the whole time.
- No, I'm getting reports that
what's left of some tourists
is floating in the lake.
- Hmm.
- A woman saw a
monster eating a leg.
And this morning
some college kids
got snatched outta the lake.
- Oh.
Oh this is fascinating.
Did you happen to get
pictures or videos
or maybe a bite impression mark,
or even a footprint
impression mark?
Do you have DNA samples?
- No.
I'm not here for
your science show.
Shut it down.
You and the old
chief should have
dealt with this thing properly
in the first place.
- Whoa.
Well, hey, let's
not be so hasty.
- Has it been here the time?
- Technically, yeah, but
we ran low and coolant
so it could have temporarily
really reached a point.
I mean, if,
but chief has been here the
whole time, I promise you.
Look, I got video cameras.
- If my brother's in there,
we can't let him shoot him.
- All right, create a
distraction and I'll get closer.
- Okay, right, I will.
How does one create
a distraction?
- It's not that difficult.
Just do something distracting.
- I don't know.
I'm not a detective.
Should I flash him?
- What? No.
Although that would work.
But let's do something that
doesn't give us away right away.
- Oh.
Should I knock something over?
- Yeah, that's good.
- Then flash him.
- No flashing.
Maybe later though.
[gentle upbeat music]
Why are you still here? Go.
[gentle upbeat music]
- I got footage.
We can look at
it, I'll prove it.
The crocodylus has been
here the whole time.
- Open it up then,
why don't you?
- Um, uh.
Okay, okay, okay.
[gentle upbeat music]
[locker crashing]
- Are you sure we're alone?
- [Dr. Williams] It's probably
one of my idiot assistants.
[tense music]
- You first then.
- No, no.
[suspenseful music]
- This thing is not exactly
gonna fit in my car.
- We'll get Mark out and
we'll carry him together.
[suspenseful music continues]
See, you needed me here.
- I know how to find me
and carry a body all right.
I could have done
this by myself.
- Oh my God, how many
bodies have you carried?
- I don't see why that's
important right now.
- Why didn't you just
admit that you need me?
- I don't need you.
Needing and wanting someone
are two different things.
- Are you saying that?
- We don't have
time for that now.
We have to save your.
Sweet mother of God, run!
- Oh.
Hi Mark.
- That's not Mark.
[dramatic music]
- See, I told you
it was nothing.
[dramatic music]
- Oh, it never gets out, eh?
- First time, I swear.
- Oi, over here,
you scaly bastard.
- Chief, you can't shoot
it, it's my research.
Oh, okay, no,
shoot it, shoot it.
Okay, but not on the
tail, that's just meat.
[gun firing]
Get the cryo guns!
Get the cryo guns you idiots.
Get the cryo guns!
- [Assistant] I got a cryo gun.
[dramatic music]
[crocodylus groaning]
[dramatic music]
[technicians moaning]
[dramatic music]
- Spray it, spray it.
[dramatic music]
Why aren't the sprays working?
- Let's get outta here.
- They're hurting him.
[crocodylus groaning]
Oh shit.
[dramatic music]
[technician screaming]
[dramatic music]
- I don't see the resemblance.
- Really? We have the same eyes.
[Allie screaming]
[dramatic music]
[car doors closing]
[car engine revving]
Oh, we really should
have taken my car.
- Darlene.
You're embarrassing me.
And there's a pretty lady here.
[car engine revving]
- Do you really
think I'm pretty?
- Where'd the crocodylus go?
Maybe he went back in to
finish off the scientists?
[both screaming]
- Oh my God, go, go.
Oh my God go, go, go, go, go.
- I'm trying.
- Would it help if I got
out and pushed or something.
- It might.
[Allie screaming]
- [Allie] Oh my God.
Sorry Mark.
- Got it.
[car engine revving]
See, told you Darlene
had it in her.
[car engine revving]
- Hey, do you have a
bandaid or anything?
[dramatic music]
- Oh my God.
Keep some pressure on it.
We're almost back in my house.
- Anything to get
me to your place.
[dramatic music]
[car engine revving]
[dramatic music]
- [Dr. Williams] You're alive!
- No, thanks to you mate.
- Oh! Oh god!
- Oh god, I'll take
you to the hospital.
- No, there's no time.
- O positive?
- We gotta catch
that bloody monster
before it wreaks more
havoc on me town.
- You'll bleed out.
- You're a doctor, ain't you?
I mean, surely
there's something here
that you can patch me up with.
[Dr. Williams laughing]
- Yeah, I think I
know just the thing.
[Scientist laughing]
[dramatic music]
[both laughing]
[footsteps tapping]
[door closing]
[footsteps hastening]
- Okay, let's get you down here.
- Nice place.
Could you use a
woman's touch though?
- I'm a minimalist.
- That's a nice way of
saying, "I don't decorate."
- Here, have some orange juice,
it's what they give people
when they donate blood?
- Oh, you know, that's okay,
I don't really
like orange juice.
- You're so cold.
- It's just OJ.
- No, I mean, you're freezing.
[glass clanking]
Must have lost more
blood than I thought.
Let's get you covered up here.
Lemme wrap this for you.
Wrapped up.
Okay, there we go.
I learned this in the Scouts.
- Thank you.
- It's my pleasure.
- What else is your
pleasure, detective?
- I can fold a piece of
paper in half perfectly
on the first try.
- So good.
Tell me more.
- When you're wrapping presents
and the scissors go
all the way across.
- Oh God.
Expert scissoring.
- When you first open
that bag of coffee beans.
- Oh, that first grind.
- Oh,
I love a woman who
grinds her coffee.
[gentle music]
[both moaning]
[gentle music]
- Elliot.
- Yeah?
- Over here.
- Oh.
[gentle music]
Easy, nice.
- Okay that's enough.
- Oh.
[gentle music]
- Elliot.
- Yes.
- Can you do my back?
- Oh yeah, of course.
- Not too much lotion this time.
- I won't, not like last time.
Um, babe, thank you for
letting me touch you again.
- Don't make it weird.
- I won't.
[gentle music]
[both moaning]
- Is it in?
- It's kinda tight.
[both moaning]
- There's nothing
like the last chip.
[both moaning]
[gentle music]
- This might sting a little.
[grinder blade spinning]
[technician screaming]
[Allie moaning]
- [Allie] How long has it been?
- [Harry] A couple weeks, maybe.
[both moaning]
- Got it.
- Oh, this feels so good.
- Hello fresh sheets.
[both moaning]
[lotion squirting]
- Elliot, that's too much.
- I'm sorry, it just came out.
- That's what you always say.
Now clean it up or I won't
let you put it on my feet.
- But that's my favorite part.
- I'm warning you.
[water splashing]
In my old car we can drive
real far on the planet babe
[Elliot moaning]
I gotta leave
[country music]
- [Becky] Elliot.
I rent a two-bedroom
pad at the back
- Why are you adding more?
[Elliot moaning]
- It wasn't me.
- Rub it in.
[country music continues]
- Ouch, what the
hell are you doing?
[Becky screaming]
[country music continues]
Your breath.
- She hates bad breath.
[country music continues]
[Becky screaming]
[gun firing]
- Over here, you emerald
skinned son of a bitch.
[dramatic music]
[crocodylus growling]
[dramatic music]
[all moaning]
[people speaking indistinctly]
- We'll kill him.
[Rex screaming]
- Taste the cry of God, croco.
- Oh, not me good hand.
[Rex moaning]
- Chief, chief, chief,
you shot the tail off.
Look at that.
- He got me good hand.
- Oh, oh.
I could probably
put that back on.
- Really?
- N, but I got some at the lab.
Let's go.
[dramatic music]
- Thanks for letting me
wear my bra the whole time.
What are you thinking?
- There's just one thing
that keeps bothering me.
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
If your brother was on ice,
how did all these people get
killed the last couple days?
- He must have
been slipping out.
Wasn't exactly the greatest
security in that lab.
- Guess you're right.
Wait, but why would he go back?
- What?
- Your brother.
If he knew how to
escape the lab,
why would he go
back into the tank?
[dramatic music]
Allie, this has been incredible.
But we can't just let
your brother roam free.
I made a promise to you.
- Let me go with you.
[Allie screaming]
- You okay?
Lemme check your bandage.
Is this the leg that
the scar was on?
- [Allie] I don't feel so good.
- There was a huge gash here
like less than an hour ago.
- Harry, I haven't been
completely honest with you.
[Allie screaming]
It wasn't just dreams
about alligators.
[dramatic music]
[Allie screaming]
[dramatic music]
- I swear if I get some
kind of swamped up, STD.
[dramatic music]
[Allie growling]
[dramatic music]
I don't think we
should fight like this.
It's not healthy.
[Allie growling]
Don't try it.
[dramatic music]
[glass clanking]
[Allie groaning]
[dramatic music]
[Allie groaning]
[dramatic music]
Not even my worst relationship.
[door closing]
- Come to ruin everything again?
- You guys got another problem.
What happened to your hand?
And your other hand
is a sword now.
- It's a switchblade mate.
Get your knives, right.
- Yeah, none of this
ever would've happened
if you hadn't released
the crocodylus.
- Well, I got some bad news,
there's another crocodylus.
Mark's sister, Allie.
- I thought you said this
was a one-time experiment.
- Mark Glades is the only
one I've ever known of.
- You made these things?
- No, no, that was
my former boss.
- What happened to him?
[dramatic music]
- He's retired.
Oh, oh, but, it could be that
because Mark and Allie
share the same DNA,
something as simple as a cut
would allow the blood
to get into her system
and then that would start
a DNA chain reaction.
- She said her
brother scratched her
right before he disappeared.
She had a big scar
and everything.
- I wonder if her
blood is O positive.
Oh, oh, oh, this is fascinating.
Oh God, I mean.
[Rex shouting]
- We've gotta get out
there and stop her
before more people in
my town get killed.
I know it was her snacking
while her brother was on ice.
- It's not gonna be that
easy to take her down.
Female alligators are very
dangerous this time of year.
- Why?
- Because it's mating season.
They're extremely
aggressive territorial,
especially when they're
looking for a mate.
- Mating season. [scoffs]
- What?
- Nothing.
What would happen if
she happened to mate?
Would that be bad?
[Scientist laughing]
- Yeah, that would be real bad.
Alligators can lay up to 25 eggs
within hours of fertilization.
- Fertilization.
Good thing no one
made it with her then.
Right guys?
[dramatic music]
- You idiot.
- You dog.
People are dying and you
can't keep it in your pants.
- Come on, you guys
saw how hot she was,
when she was human.
- Oh yeah.
- Oh.
Oh, oh shit.
This means there could be
potentially dozens of crocodyli,
crocodyluses, whatever,
there could be
potentially dozens
of these little monsters out
there that we could work with.
I mean to destroy, because
creating a meat farm
and letting them live is,
that's bad, that's bad.
- We've gotta find her
before she makes a nest
and lays those eggs.
We've gotta take her down.
- But you can't kill her, right?
I mean, Allie is still in there.
She's human half the time.
- Listen mate, your
girlfriend's an alligator.
- Girlfriend?
I mean, that's
pretty strong, right.
I mean, we just hooked up today.
And why did she say something?
- Oh, I don't know mate,
I don't think she's
updated her social media.
- Okay, look, I'm just here
as a courtesy all right.
I let you know that there's
two of those crocodylus.
- Crocodyli, yeah.
- Here, right.
And when a client turns
into an alligator,
there's no money in it,
all right, so I'm out.
- Oh, another negligent father.
- What was that?
- You're gonna leave your girl
and those beautiful hybrid
hatchlings out there
to fend for themselves
as delicious as they may be.
- Okay first of all, ew.
And second, she's probably
not even pregnant.
- You know that every male
alligator in Peaceful Creek
is gonna be trying to
feed on those young.
- I think that would be
pretty good at this point.
- Oh, oh.
Wow, wow, I just gave you the
opportunity to play the hero
and what are you gonna do?
- Wait!
What did you just say?
- No, I was just telling
Private Detective Bates here
what a horrible person.
- No, before that.
- He was saying that the males
are gonna attack the nest.
- [Rex] That.
- Yeah, that.
- So that both crocodylus.
- Crocodyli.
- Whatever, will be
at the same place.
You can get 'em
at the same time.
- Not just us, you're going.
- Yeah, don't be
another deadbeat dad.
- Who hurt you?
- No one okay.
My dad always wanted
me to be a musician.
- The only people who know
the crocodylus is real
are in this building.
I wanna keep it that way.
- Well have at it okay.
I know how to keep a secret.
- Not so fast.
Don't turn your back
on Peaceful Creek.
- Or those beautiful, sick,
probably really delicious
hybrid hatchlings.
- You only care
about yourself, yeah.
That's why you couldn't
make it as a cop.
Or with Lenora.
[dramatic music]
- Oh, you played
the Lenora card.
- Get back over there.
Go on.
[insects chirping]
[car door closing]
[insects chirping]
[car engine revving]
He thinks she's the one
Didn't get how she does
Shows her teeth
and her webbed feet
Then you find out she's
actually an alligator
- Wow, that's oddly specific.
Only metaphorically I mean
[car engine revving]
See you later, alligator
After a while crocodile
[gentle upbeat music]
See you later, aligator
I'm addicted to your smile
[gentle upbeat music]
- Why are all the good ones
some kind of lizard person?
To kind of being a father.
[gentle upbeat music]
[door banging]
[door banging]
- Are you Harry Bates?
- No, I'm just a guy
sitting in his desk.
- Well, where is he, Guy?
Where's Harry?
[dramatic music]
- You, you lied to me.
- You're gonna have
to be more specific.
I lie to a lot of people.
- I bought those
pictures from you,
I destroyed the card.
- Oh right.
- Yeah, yeah, you
ruined my life.
- I think you kind of did
that to yourself, buddy.
- Is this him boss?
- Yeah Beau, that's
him, that's the guy.
- Is he Guy or is he Harry?
- Jesus Christ, just hold him.
I'm going to kill you.
[dramatic music]
[Harry moaning]
- [Neighbor] Hey,
keep in down in there,
I'm trying to practice.
- Help, he's got a knife.
- [Neighbor] A song request?
"Mack the Knife" by Bobby Darin?
Kind of outdated though.
- No.
It's a classic.
And he's trying to hurt me.
- [Neighbor] Oh, Culture Club,
"Do You Really Want to Hurt Me."
Hitting me with the oldies, man.
- Will you stop?
We don't have license
to those songs.
And it's not that old.
- [Neighbor] Goes
like this, right?
[gentle upbeat music]
- Yo, I'm a musician, bro.
No, you're not even close.
- [Neighbor]
Everybody's a critic.
- I like it though.
[dramatic music]
- Oh man, let him go.
Let him go.
I'm sorry.
I screwed up.
It's just that my wife man,
she's gonna take my kids.
- What?
- [Slade] Are you a father?
- Probably not.
- You'll never understand.
Now I've lost what you'll
never have, kids, forever.
- A little harsh, but okay.
- You know I'm done
with the cheating, bro.
If I can't have my kids, I
may as well just end it all.
- Let me just hold
this here for you.
It's gonna be okay, all right?
You just need to show
him some real change,
you know, make it up to him.
- Man, I'm a terrible husband.
I've cheated on my
wife multiple times.
You know, I anonymously
bullied her online.
I even sold her stamp collection
for $5 at a garage sale.
But come on, I don't
deserve to lose my kids.
- Right.
I mean, how much can
stamps be worth anyway?
- Apparently a quarter mil.
Come on, can you put a
price on being a dad?
- Quarter million for stamps?
- Yeah.
Who knew?
Come on man.
It's all about spending time
with the ones you love, right?
[gentle music]
- I had a fiance a
couple years ago.
Her name was Lenora.
I thought she was
gonna be the woman
I'd spend the rest
of my life with.
But I wanted kids
and she didn't.
So we grew distant.
About the same time she started
getting into professional
hide and seek.
She became really good.
I could always find her though.
Until one day she found
the ultimate hiding spot.
I looked everywhere.
I went out and looked in
her car and it was gone,
along with all of
her belongings.
The seeking started
affecting my work,
so I quit my job at the force.
I had to become a detective
so I could seek, full-time.
[gentle music]
Part of me thinks she
never wanted to be found.
[gentle music]
It's a shame too, 'cause I
think I'd have made a good dad.
[gentle music]
[Slade snoring]
- Yeah.
You gotta stop
playing the game, man.
A lot of women out there.
A lot of women, trust me.
- You know, it's complicated,
but I may still have
a shot at something.
Well, I could love
you if I try to
I could tear these
walls right down
To let you in and
bring you closer
But I won't love,
no, I won't dare
I've got too
many things to do
[gentle upbeat music]
And I've got too
much respect for you
[gentle upbeat music]
To turn you into
silly little songs
[gentle upbeat music]
Unless of course you
like to sing along
- Oh yeah, good throw.
Because we could sing
or write our own songs
Hit the road to
find some new towns
Wake up early, post and tea
I'll read to you if
you'll dance for me
But you got responsibilities
- [Announcer] Please
welcome your valedictorian,
Harry Bates Jr.
[crowd cheering]
- I never thought I
would make it this far.
And I guess I just
owe it all to my dad.
[gentle upbeat music]
But maybe you might like
- Dad, can you please
come up here, please?
[crowd cheering]
[gentle upbeat music]
[crowd cheering]
[crocodylus groaning]
[gentle upbeat music]
- I gotta go.
I have a family to protect.
Christina, when did you get here
and where did you guys
get that ice cube?
- I came to pick
up some paperwork
and you had this far
off look on your face.
It was weird.
- I never knew you had such
a hot number for a secretary.
- Dude, I thought you
were gonna change.
- Yeah, maybe tomorrow.
[Slade laughing]
Maybe next week.
[gun cocking]
- Ooh, are you gonna
go shoot someone boss?
- Yeah, but not with bullets.
I gotta go save the
woman that I love.
- Sounds serious.
- Oh, maybe love
is a little hasty.
I gotta go save the
woman that I like a lot.
[both moaning]
I gotta go save the
woman that I care about?
- Yeah.
- To the fruit stand.
[gentle upbeat music]
[both laughing]
[gentle upbeat music]
- Do I still get paid?
- Yeah, yeah, whatever.
- Should I just go?
- Yes, get the hell outta here.
[both laughing]
[insects chirping]
[dramatic music]
[insects chirping]
[dramatic music]
[insects chirping]
[dramatic music]
[insects chirping]
[dramatic music]
- You want a hand?
[insects chirping]
[dramatic music]
[insects chirping]
[dramatic music]
[Allie hissing]
- Quiet your man up.
He's gonna get us killed.
- What are you doing back there?
And why do you have
a barbecue grill?
- Well, I mean, I was
the lab's chef last week
and everybody got killed.
And while I appreciate
the promotion,
we left without dinner.
- You had a chef at the lab?
- Yeah, we're not barbarians.
- The smell and the noise
is gonna get us killed.
- It's a small risk, small risk.
- Well I did prepare a gator
tail steak for this stake out,
and I also added a
bit of heart of palm
because of the locale.
And I think you'll agree
that it'll pair nicely
with a nice red wine.
[dramatic music]
[crocodylus groaning]
[Dr. Williams screaming]
- Get back, get back.
Climb the tree.
Gators can't climb trees.
Climb the tree.
Climb the tree.
Crocos can't climb trees.
[dramatic music]
- I'll die mate.
[Rex screaming]
- Oh, ah chief.
[dramatic music]
[crocodylus groaning]
[dramatic music]
[Dr. Williams crying]
[Rex moaning]
[dramatic music]
[crocodylus growling]
[Dr. Williams moaning]
[dramatic music]
- It's the male.
He's going for the nest.
[dramatic music]
[Rex screaming]
- No, not me last good limb.
- Chief, oh wow.
I do have some adrenaline.
Small shot.
What do you say?
- Come on then.
[Dr. Williams laughing]
[Rex panting]
Let's kill 'em.
- Oh, hold on.
I've been working
on experimental
crocodylus reversal formula,
but I only have enough
serum for one dose.
- Get me close enough
and we'll only need one.
- All right.
Let's do it.
[both groaning]
[dramatic music]
[crocodyli growling]
[dramatic music]
[crocodyli growling]
[dramatic music]
- Oi, you owe me
an appendage, mate.
Crocos back on the menu.
[dramatic music]
[Rex moaning]
[dramatic music]
- No, no!
- 100% pure, fresh squeeze,
not from concentrate,
Florida orange
juice motherfucker.
[dramatic music continues]
- Orange juice, really?
- Yeah.
Allie told me her
brother scratched her
when she offered
him orange juice.
She had a similar reaction
every time I offered
her something citrusy.
Everyone loves 100%
pure, fresh squeeze,
not from concentrate, Florida
orange juice, everyone.
That's why I was
immediately suspicious.
- Must be the
nutrients found only
in Florida naturally
grown oranges.
It's reacting with the
crocos modified DNA.
[dramatic music]
- Die you crock of shit.
[dramatic music]
- Detective, I have one vial
of crocodylus
reversal formula left.
It has an 81% chance
of returning her
back to her human form.
But her natural armor plating
is too thick to penetrate.
Listen to me, you have to put
it someplace soft and fleshy.
[dramatic music]
- A little help.
A little help over here.
[dramatic music]
- We can work this out.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
easy, easy.
[dramatic music continues]
I'm not gonna hurt you.
- What are you doing?
We are totally
going to hurt her.
[dramatic music continues]
- I know there's still
some Allie in there.
You're not all gator.
- Oh my God, Allie gator.
Are you kidding me right now?
[Dr. Williams laughing]
- Yeah, we definitely
should have saw that coming,
especially me.
- Especially you because
you're the investigator.
Oh my God, investi-gator.
[gentle music]
- See.
We're meant to be together.
[gentle music]
- Are you crazy?
- You're gonna take Rex and
you're gonna get outta here.
I have to protect my family.
- You're being a total
douche bag right now.
But I do kinda like the fact
you're being a good father.
- If you don't think
you can trust someone,
you're probably right.
- You know, I can't let her
get outta here alive, right.
- Remember the lab,
create a distraction.
[dramatic music]
- Mommy.
- Soft and fleshy.
It's okay.
[gentle upbeat music]
[Allie coughing]
- You saved me.
- It's my pleasure.
- What else is your pleasure?
- 100% pure, fresh squeeze,
not from concentrate,
Florida orange juice.
[both laughing]
- You know, I think I
will have that drink now.
[gentle upbeat music]
[Dr. Williams throat clearing]
- Should I leave or something?
- Yeah, gimme that.
You're safe now.
[gentle music]
- Oh my God.
All those people that I,
that I.
- That you ate?
Yeah, you cow, you
ate a lot of people.
You ate a whole lot of people.
You were savage.
You should, you should
probably feel kind of terrible.
[Allie crying]
- Read the room, man.
- I'm so sorry. [Allie crying]
- It's okay.
Hey, it's okay.
Look at me.
You weren't yourself okay.
And I love you.
- Wow.
that's something.
[insects chirping]
- Oh.
- I mean we only
hooked up the one time
and half that time it was
probably my reptile brain, so.
- Yeah, that's what
I told these guys.
Love, that's crazy.
- I mean, I would love
to go on a date with you
- Sure.
Sure, yeah whatever.
I don't care.
- [Dr. Williams] Come on.
- Oh, thank God.
[Rex moaning]
- Come on.
[dramatic music]
- Good to see you as
yourself again, love.
[gentle upbeat music]
And good to see this scaly
abomination finally put to rest.
[dramatic music]
[Rex screaming]
[dramatic music]
[Allie screaming]
[dramatic music]
[Rex screaming]
- Oh my God.
We need to get
him to a hospital.
- No, let's take him to my lab.
I have just the right thing.
- Come on, we can get
a ride with these guys.
- Gimme a minute.
I need to say goodbye
to my brother.
- Okay.
[gentle music]
- I'm sorry Mark.
[insects chirping]
[gentle music]
At least I know now.
[dramatic music]
[dramatic music continues]
Stay safe my darling.
[dramatic music]
- [Harry] Allie.
- Coming.
[dramatic music]
- You okay?
- Yeah.
- We should probably get
you some more clothes.
- Yeah, Why am I always
half naked around you?
[dramatic music continues]
- This is gonna hurt.
- I think I would rather die.
- You just might.
[dramatic music]
- Is he gonna be okay?
- I just gave him
a little something
to help his limbs regrow.
- Like a lizard?
- Mm-hmm.
- You didn't give him the
crocodylus serum, right?
- Pretty sure this second
formulation's solid.
- Pretty sure?
- Well, it's nothing
to worry about.
I'm sure that regrowing
limbs is likely very painful.
[Dr. Williams laughing]
And you know the thrashing
is to be expected.
Oh, yeah, let's check
on him in the morning.
[Rex screaming]
[dramatic music]
[Rex screaming]
I trust all this will
stay between us, right?
- Yeah.
I don't need anyone knowing
that my brother and I
were crocodylus monsters, so.
- I don't think anyone
believe us anyway.
- All right then.
This has been
absolutely fabulous.
But from now on,
I don't know you
and you certainly don't know me.
- Gotcha.
- Get off my property.
- Oh, oh.
- Of course.
- Crazy kids.
[Rex screaming]
[door closing]
- So can Darlene and I
give you a ride home?
- You know what else is
my pleasure, detective?
- What's that?
- Watching the sunrise together.
[gentle music]
[car door closing]
[car engine revving]
- [Allie] We should've
taken my car.
[car engine revving]
[car engine revving]
[gentle upbeat music]
- [Harry] So, how did
you even lay those eggs?
- [Allie] Let's
not talk about it.
[dramatic music]
- All the dangerous spots.
All the dangerous spots.
[all laughing]
Are marked on the map.
[dramatic music]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
[people speaking indistinctly]
- [Director] We're
still rolling?
- [Cameraman] Yeah.
[dramatic music]
I am rolling.
Oh, oh my, oh my.
[gentle music]
[Allie laughing]
[people speaking indistinctly]
[gentle music]
- [Director] Okay, reset.
That's okay.
His hands, hands are worthless.
[people laughing]
- [Rex] Like honestly.
[gentle music]
- Ooh, croco boobies.
Ooh yummy.
[Dr. Williams laughing]
- [Director] And action.
- Oh.
I got lucky.
- That was gonna happen.
- Hi Mark.
- That's not Mark.
[both screaming]
[dramatic music]
- [Director] All right.
- Was that good?
- [Director] And cut.
[dramatic music]
And cut.
[all laughing]
- I can't believe this
is my life sometimes.
[all laughing]
[gentle upbeat music]
[Rex screaming]
[car engine revving]
[gentle upbeat music]
[dramatic music]
[egg chirping]
[dramatic music]
[footsteps thudding]
[dramatic music]
[egg chirping]