Crush (2022) Movie Script

Mal Blum's
Things Left to Say playing

Another year already
How you hoped
that it would come
All the days
and weeks unfolding
As we buttoned up our coats
And headed home
but what's a home?
Another place you never go
Another space nobody knows
The things you do
when you're alone
And I'm alone and you're alone
again this year
I'm alone and you're alone
again this year
There are things
still left to say
I've got phrases,
I've got phrases
There are things
still left to say
I've got phrases,
I've got phrases
[spray hissing]
Do you miss me
when I'm not around
'Cause you don't see me
when I'm here
I'm like a ghost
of myself already
If I could
I would disappear
But I'm still here
and you're still here
We're all still here
There are things
still left to say
I've got phrases,
I've got phrases
There are things
still left to say
I've got phrases,
I've got phrases
You're afraid
[shutter clicks]
What are you afraid of?
[notifications chiming]
[notification chiming]
Art is supposed to be subjective,
but KingPun's art is subjectively good.
While mine is
objectively struggling,
and at the worst time possible.
Right now, I need to be
on my A-game
to get into
the CalArt Summer Program,
AKA my dream school.
"Through your medium of choice,
show us your happiest moment."
Are you fucking kidding me?
What a vague bullshit prompt.
A vague bullshit prompt
that will determine if I have
a shot in hell at getting
into one of the most
competitive schools in the country.
Which will determine if I have
a future in art at all.
No pressure though.
So how do I answer
this impossible question?
Huh? What if my happiest moment was
when I came out to my mom.
Now turn it to the right.
Also I think I'm gay.
Actually, I know I am.
- Ow! Barbara from next door is gay.
- Okay?
- Sorry my first instinct was
to name other gay people we know.
Honey, I'm so happy for you!
She's always been supportive.
Paige. Paige! Come on.
No edibles before school,
we've talked about this.
Dillon's almost here.
You're gonna be late.
- What if I just skipped
the rest of junior year
and went right to CalArts?
- Well, you could,
but then you wouldn't get
a lot of cool free swag
from me.
- I'm already scared.
- I can't wait. Look.
Glow in the dark dental dams.
They make your puss kind
of glow. It's so pretty.
It's just a soft glow.
- Mom--
- When I was a teenager,
we used to use
glow in the dark condoms.
It really added a touch of whimsy
to an otherwise fraught situation.
- We don't use those.
- We! Finally.
Oh my gosh, Paige.
Is it Colleen from next door?
Because she's so tall.
I like that. Statuesque.
- It's not anybody because we,
the queer community,
we don't use those.
- So just vibrators?
Isn't that a little limiting?
- Probably.
- Okay.
I'm gonna put them here
because I feel like
you're gonna change your mind,
but if not, let me know
because I have the receipt.
PAIGE: Okay, maybe she's
a little too supportive.
[horn honking]
BOY: Hey!
PAIGE: And that would be
my best friend, Dillon.
He's kind of like
my platonic soul mate.
I've always been able
to share anything with him.
Actually, maybe that was
my happiest moment.
So... I like girls.
- Me too.
PAIGE: I still share everything
with him. Even a Spotify account.
- Hey, yo,
Spotify informed me
you listened to Phoebe Bridgers
for eight hours straight last night,
which is concerning
'cause she only has two albums.
Are you okay?
- Sad lesbian music is
an integral part of my identity.
- So I'm assuming that
the application is not going well.
- Just can't figure out
what to send in.
I know that colleges love
a good coming out story.
- Please don't do that.
You'd be like the billionth gay person to.
How about you draw
my presidential portrait?
- Hmm.
It's a cute idea, Dillon.
- It's good, isn't it?
- But your political ambitions,
they aren't my happiest moment.
You know what I mean?
- You think that your crush on
Gabriela Campos is CalArt worthy?
- What?
Unrequited love is the source
of a lot of great art.
And there's nothing more unrequited
than my crush
on Gabriela Campos.
That's not Gabby.
That's her sister, AJ.
- Alright, kids, time for
this week's take home project.
Find a partner.
- Wanna be my partner?
That is Gabby.
TEACHER: Now I wanna see you
share responsibilities
like real parents would.
- What should we name it?
- How about Lentil?
- Lentil the egg.
So dumb.
I love it.
- Hi, Lentil.
- Your moms love you very much.
PAIGE: She's kind of the first girl
who made me feel
like life could be as good as art.
You know?
[snaps fingers]
I'm not gonna let you spend
all of high school pining over some girl
who doesn't give you
the time of day.
You know I don't like to assert
my power as class president,
but I'm going to have to
if this keeps up.
- Stacey is going to win.
Also, you do know that
as class president,
you don't have
any actual power, right?
- That is a sad way
to look at democracy.
[school bell rings]
Got a big boy bag,
got a big boy drip
Make a li'l girl sad
'cause a big boy rich
Big boy pants
'cause my pockets is thick
Hello Kitty keychain
hang straight from my hip
Got a big boy bag,
got a big boy drip
- Holy shit.
- You like?
- "Save water, shower together."
Hmm. That looks so hot.
And Stacey's also really hot.
Great job with these, by the way.
- Thank you.
- Though I do feel like you spent
a little bit more time on Stacey's.
- Nope. Mm-mm.
I told you guys I'm Switzerland.
Oh. Shit, they are also
a little bit wet.
- Thanks for telling me that
after I pick it up.
And yeah, I just close the -
PAIGE: Okay.
- No.
Coo. Ay.
Anyway, as I was saying,
as your future class president,
I think it's time for you
to move on from Gabriela.
It's too predictable to go
for the most popular girl in school.
Great. Right on cue.
All of dem
I want it all, gimme all of dat
All of dem
Gimme gimme gimme all of dem
All of dem
I want it all, gimme all of dat
All of dem
Gimme gimme gimme all of dem
- Is she in slow motion again?
- Yeah.
- Music playing in the background?
- Mm-hmm.
- Funny feeling down there?
- Naturally.
- You are a lost cause.
[speaks Spanish]
Heads up!
My bad.
- Yeah.
- Let's go. Vamos.
Yeah, ah ah.
Ah ah ah ah.
Shut the hell up.
Starting the week strong
with a new KingPun mural.
You know everyone still thinks
it's you, right?
- Well, little do they know,
my raging anxiety would never
let me deface school property.
- Whoa, could you please
not waste water
and undermine my political platform?
Thank you.
BOY: Oh, KingPun did it again!
Check it out!
PAIGE: Kind of think
that this one's good.
- I think it's kind of corny.
- Well, I think that
you can't draw for shit.
And I think that they're
actually talented.
- Oh, you're so funny.
[whistle blows]
- Okay, everyone,
away from the vandalization.
- Oh god. Here we go.
- If any of you have any information
as my mother used to say,
"Snitches get riches."
Have you ever seen him smile?
- Once. At a fire drill.
He loved the chaos of it.
- Hey, nice mural, Paige.
Tim. Ugh.
I love this little bit
that we've got going,
but it's not me.
- Oh. Sure, Paige.
- Sure, Tim.
- No, it's, it's definitely her.
Hey, KingPun thinks
she's not KingPun.
[school bell ringing]
KingPun is who you should date.
Unless it's a dude
or unless it's you.
'Cause then you'd just be dating yourself,
and that would be weird.
- Hmm.
You have no idea
how hard it is out here
for your everyday gay, Dillon.
- Stop making excuses.
- You've been in a relationship
since the first day of middle school.
Also, this semester,
I'm gonna make my move.
- Oh yeah? Name one time
that you've made a move.
- Oh, there was that server
at Cheesecake Factory
that gave me extra brown bread.
- It was her job.
- It was sexual.
Hey, Stacey.
- Hey.
Did you turn your
class president app in yet?
You know I love some competition.
- Oh, you know I haven't missed
a deadline since the fifth grade.
And that was only because
I had severe chicken pox.
It was the worst case I'd ever seen.
[both moan]
- How is this allowed in school?
[Stacey moans]
- God, I love when you're
the best at things.
- Oh yeah?
- You guys are so straight,
it's almost gay.
[both moan]
Do you guys wanna come over
after school
and take edibles
and watch Shrek?
- So you could convince yourself
that a CBD dog treat made you high again?
Yeah. No, thank you.
- Plus, after school we can't,
we have track tryouts.
- Ugh. Why would you sweat
when you don't have to?
- Well, you know, Paige, some people
actually enjoy physical activity.
Shocking, I know.
Will you help me make more of these?
PAIGE: Sure.
- And me some of these.
The impending water wars
depend on my win.
STACEY: Note that I took the high road
while taking down the establishment.
That is so...
[indiscernible chatter]
DILLON: No-- Oh no.
Okay, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
Okay, no.
There are plenty
of other queer options
for you to date at this school.
- Like who?
- Yeah. Paige, what about Chantal?
I mean, she's like
a cool Wiccan lesbian.
- Hell no. She's tried to put a love spell
on me at least six times.
If I'm gonna date a witch,
she has to be a talented one.
- Okay. True. True. True.
How about, oh, how about Erin Billings?
- No, she's a horse gay.
- Alright? That's a little reductive.
- Stacey's just mad
because she spent the summer
at an equestrian camp.
- What about Aya?
No way, dude.
I definitely don't have
enough followers to date them.
Plus they're on and off with Gabby
every other week.
- Yeah.
- True.
- Hey, what about Amy?
Amy? Yeah, right. Gateway gay.
She's fingered
every girl in the school.
So what?
I'm sure she's washed her hands.
- Yeah.
- Wait, no.
What about AJ?
Why would I ever do that?
That's literally Gabby's sister.
Also, is she even queer?
Yeah. She's bi.
And she's mysterious as hell.
- Yeah. AJ actually came out
way before Gabs,
but Gabs just dates more,
so everybody forgets
that AJ's queer too.
Talk about bi erasure.
STACEY: Gabby!
- Hey, miss president.
- Hey!
- Excuse you.
- Anyway, question.
Do you have the sign-up sheets
for track tryouts today?
- I sure do.
Let me get that for you.
- Hey.
[awkward laugh]
- Here you are.
- Thank you.
- Oh, Gabby, you know Paige, right?
- Um, yeah.
- Your locker is a site for sore eyes.
- Um, thanks.
Are you coming out today?
- I've actually, I've been out
for a really long time.
I'm extremely gay.
- Oh, I was actually talking
about track tryouts, but--
- Right.
Yeah. I'm gonna see you there.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna go on track.
[Dillon snickers]
- Yeah, right. The last time Paige ran,
she was fleeing from a bee.
It was hilarious.
It's on YouTube.
I watch it whenever I'm depressed.
- [sarcastic laugh]
No, it's not.
- Well, I should run,
but maybe I'll see you later.
- Bye, Gabby.
- Bye, Gabby.
- So long.
- Vote for Dillon, babe!
- No. She's not gonna vote for you, honey.
- Stop staring
without consent please.
It's horrifying.
Really? You? Track tryouts?
- Yeah. Yeah, that's, that's it.
That's how we're gonna fall in love.
- I think you and Gabriela
would be disgustingly cute together.
- And I think that
if it were going to happen,
it would've happened already.
You can't force these things.
STACEY: Babe, I love you,
but you're so wrong.
How many copies do you guys need?
DILLON: One thousand.
STACEY: Two thousand.
DILLON: Three thousand.
STACEY: Four thousand.
- Five thousand.
- Six--
MURRAY: Gotcha!
- Ahh!
Evans, I knew it was you.
Principal's office now.
- Oh, crap. I forgot my cleats.
Uh, can you help me?
- Turn off the light.
Shut the door.
Yeah. Okay, actually leave it open.
- I assume you know why you're here?
- Am I in trouble or something?
- We are so done
with your games now, Evans.
- Okay. Take it down,
Dexter Morgan.
You're not a detective,
and this is not a cop show.
we know that you are KingPun.
Okay. And it's not that
the artwork isn't great,
it's really good,
but all the pictures and then painting
all over the school last semester.
And not to mention
a new mural every week.
- That's not true.
MURRAY: Oh, you know it's true.
- Sorry.
- Come on.
- The school board is not happy.
- Mm-hmm.
- And plus all the kids are
tagging you every week
in some KingPun art.
- Goddammit, Tim.
- You guys, I swear
on my life, it's not me.
- Bet you wish you would've invested
in that lie detector now, right?
- No. No, I actually don't.
- Why?
COLLINS: And I'm really tired of you
bringing it up all the time.
'Cause we had to take care
of something called asbestos, alright?
I'm sorry, kiddo, but I have
to lead by example.
So I'm gonna have to suspend you.
- Call the police.
- No, we are not calling
the police.
What are you, Wyclef Jean?
Ready to call 911?
Do you get that reference?
You don't.
God, my references are like
older than Taylor swift at this point.
Listen, you're suspended.
I called your mom,
and she's on her way to pick you up.
- You can't suspend me
for something
that I, I literally did not do.
- Yeah, we can.
- No, we cannot.
But you're the only student
with the keys to the art room.
- Well, I was gonna give these back today.
- Oh. Well, you got blood
on your hands.
- It's paint.
- O-obviously, I know that.
It's a metaphor.
- Well, I'm not metaphoric.
- It's acrylic paint,
and those things are spray paint.
- Let's jot down that
Ms. Evans seems to have
an intimate understanding
of the weapon of her choice.
- No one's jotting down anything.
- Just jot it down. Just--
- No, don't tell me what to--
This is my--
- You guys, please hear me out.
I'm applying to
a summer program at CalArts,
and this is gonna ruin
my chances of getting in.
- I'm sorry, Paige.
But I looked at your records,
and you were absent
eight times last semester.
Not to mention you're not even part
of one extracurricular activity.
You're not the model student
I can fight for.
- I play, I play, I play track.
- Hmm... not on my team,
you don't.
- Well, I just joined today.
I'm extremely cooperative
with this type of stuff.
So can't this count
as a plea deal or something.
- Oh, impressive use
of legal jargon.
But you don't play track,
you run track.
- Hear me out.
How about I join track,
Coach Murray keeps
his eye on me,
and I figure out in the meantime
who KingPun actually is.
- Paige. I really like you.
I do.
Actually, that's a lie.
I don't even know you.
I hate myself that I have to say that,
but the evidence is stacked against you.
And I don't understand how playing track
is supposed to help
your case right now.
[clears throat]
- [whispering] Actually, I do need
another couple people on the track team.
- You need people on the track team?
- I need some more people.
- Are you saying you wanna take her?
She just said, "Play track."
Like she's a DJ or something.
She doesn't even know how to run track.
How are you supposed
to make that Usain Bolt?
You can't.
- [whispering] I could use
a couple more bodies on the team.
- I am exhausted.
Okay, Paige,
you are no longer suspended.
You are just on probation. Okay?
If you can come up with a name
who you think KingPun really is,
because apparently
it's not you,
by the end of the semester,
then I'll take it
to the board meeting.
- Well, I will deliver.
Thank you.
I can't wait.
- Great, get out!
I have a Renaissance club meeting
that I'm not about to miss.
You too! Take your little
swimming board with you.
[door closes]
- Oh, It's like no moment to myself.
I wish there was more money
for federal funding
'cause I'll tell you what,
this ain't it.
- Thank you so much.
- Don't thank me yet.
I'm watching you.
- Oh. Hey, clipboard.
I left a patient
with a full bed pan for this.
You are not suspending
my daughter.
She did nothing wrong.
- We're not suspending her.
A-- Hmm?
- I made a deal.
- You have
a very savvy daughter, Mrs.--
- Mrs. Mm-hmm.
That's very revealing.
It's miss.
But you can call me Angie
or Ang or "Hey, girl."
You know, I am a single mother
by choice.
Not by circumstance.
I like to have sex with men.
I don't even have to have a relationship.
Hmm. What do you think of that?
- Well, hey, girl,
if you don't mind me saying,
you have an incredible figure.
- Oh my god.
- We are in a school, sir.
That is so wildly inappropriate.
- I'm sorry. Uh--
- And 100 percent spot on.
This is gold.
You should see me naked.
- Well, I'd say I'm sorry that you had
to drive out here for nothing,
but I'd be lying if I said
it wasn't nice to meet you.
- I can't believe this guy.
- And, uh... if you do come
to Paige's track meet,
don't be afraid to say, hello.
- I'm not afraid of anything.
It's you who should be afraid.
Track. That's fucked up.
- Yeah.
The deal just didn't work out
that great for me,
but it did for you.
- Yeah. It really did.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Is he in the school directory?

PAIGE: Basically, if I don't find KingPun,
then my life is over.
- On the plus side,
you totally fit in here.
[both chuckle]
- I feel like I look like
a very specific type of gay right now.
Do I at least look like a top?
- Total bottom.
Maybe a power bottom?
- Like you call her daddy
and she calls you her sweet little prince.
- Mm-hmm.
[whistle blows]
- Okay! Listen up!
Come on, come on in here!
Let's go! Gather round!
Listen up!
Returning athletes!
I'm gonna be looking to make sure
that you kept your training up
during the off season.
Now you newcomers,
our co-captains,
AJ and Gabby here,
will be helping place you
in an event.
- Woo.
- Okay. Got this.
- For Evans over there,
just try to find the thing
that she sucks at the least.
- Don't you wanna
at least see me try out
before you think that I suck?
- No. Okay!
Back to it! Let's go!
Let's go!
GIRL: Can you get my water?
- She's coming.
She's coming. She's coming.
- Hi, you made it.
I'll be sure to let you know
if I see any angry bees around.
- Did you know that
male bees lose their penises
when they have sex
with the queen bee?
- Uh, no, we didn't,
but now we sure do, right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we should get started.
Don't worry. You're gonna be great.
Gengahr's Heavenly Maybe playing


It made no difference now
given my own advice
No better when
you're breaking it down
Into a river
unsettled by our demise
[Paige panting]
Tell me who's triggering now?
Did anyone see that?
Did anyone see what I saw?
Help me out
On and on and on
[whistle blows]
that's what I thought
Greater now
On and on and on
- Holy shit!
- Are you fucking kidding me?
To mellow you out
- Thanks.
- Yep.
To mellow you out
Slow down
You said yourself
It's coming back
But where are you now?
- No.
I have an idea.
How do you feel about running
in a straight line?
- That's the only straight thing I can do.
- I regretted it the second
that it left my mouth.
- You mean adding her to the four by one?
- Do you have a better idea?
Alright. Here we go.
On your mark.
Get set.
No. No, down.
KingPun, let's get it.
- Go! Come on!
Come on, Paige!
Come on!

- I am the fastest woman alive.
- That was mediocre at best.
- Yeah, I took an Instagram story,
and it went over the time limit.
- Damn.
- But you did it.
- With a little work,
maybe you could be fine.
- She's four seconds behind
where she needs to be.
- Well, maybe I need someone great
to teach me after school.
- Alright. That's not a terrible idea.
Uh, AJ.
You're gonna train Paige.
- Isn't that literally your job as coach?
- No, my job as coach is
to motivate through fear.
Besides, I don't get paid enough
to stay after school.
Come on.
I'm watching you, Evans.
- Welcome to the team.
- Alright, KingPun.
I'm not KingPun.
- Your shorts are on backwards.
DILLON: Can you hurry up, Angie?
I'm starving.
You're not the boss of me.
DILLON: You knew we were gonna be home.
Why wasn't the food ready?
- Today was great.
I almost killed somebody with a javelin.
- It's true.
- And then it was nearly death
by hurdle.
- Also very true.
- And I embarrassed myself
in front of Gabriela.
- Just because
Paige's sex life is in a drought
doesn't mean the rest
of the world has to be.
Come on, Angie,
we've talked about this.
- So strict.
- Sometimes I think fondly back
on to this morning
when my life was completely normal.
Now I have
to solve a mystery,
make Gabby fall
in love with me,
figure out how to make
the perfect thing for CalArts,
and figure out
how to put a tampon in
without the end
always sticking out a little bit.
- Yeah, you know,
I never mastered that either.
Oh, but you know what?
On the bright side,
true artists are never afraid
to step out of their comfort zones, so--
- Speaking of stepping
out of your comfort zones,
are you going
to Stacey's party on Friday?
- What party?
- Are you kidding me?
Paige, I've told you this
a billion times.
It'd be, like,
a good opportunity for you
to act like a normal teenager for once.
- She doesn't wanna be normal.
Nobody wants to be normal.
- That's why I'm cool.
- Alright. Let me tell you
a little story.
When I was a teenager,
I went to this rager, and I ended up
in the back of a van
with the lead singer
of an Aerosmith cover band.
And in retrospect,
I definitely should have
held out for the real thing.
[phone chimes]
I mean, think about it,
Steven Tyler. I would've never had
to buy another scarf.
- Dillon, I totally wasn't thinking.
This party is the perfect place
to investigate.
KingPun will
definitely be going
and, well, let's just say that
they will rue the day
that they let me take
the fall for them.
I know that's right.
- Okay.
I'm gonna need you to relax.
You're starting to scare me.
- [gasps]
Oh my god. I totally forgot.
Pardon me.
Paige, I took the liberty
of washing your sex toy.
By the way,
this is very small.
I could totally get lost
up there.
So you might wanna think about,
you know, my moving on up.
I can help.
- Well, that's an eraser,
so that's not gonna go up there.
- Anything's possible.
Think about me
and my electric toothbrush.
And it's not the end
you would think either.
- Okay. Well, we don't have
everything in common.
And I'm gonna go in my room.
I'm gonna throw up.
That's really disgusting.
- No, you're disgusting.
This is a sex positive house, Paige.
Shame does not live here.
[people chattering]
- Hey.
Thanks for having us.
[Dillon sighs]
- Thought I smelled ambition.
- You look so beautiful.
- Paige, I cannot believe we finally
got you to a high school party.
- Now let's see if you survive it.
party music playing

Bombs away.
PEOPLE: [chanting]
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Welcome to the high school experience.
- It smells better than I expected.
- I lit candles.
- First order of business,
time to get you drunk.
Like, if you don't throw up
by the end of the night,
then I didn't do my job.
- I still can't believe this is the first
of my parties you've been to, Paige.
- That's because Paige Evans is
too cool for high school parties.
- Cool is one word for it.
I just have a general distaste
for sticky floors,
communal chip bowls,
and whatever that is.
- That, my friend, is the type
of sociological research
you can't find in any textbook.
- He's right.
My future constituents
may act slightly moronic,
but they know how to have fun.
- Your future constituents, huh?
- Oh please.
You know I'm gonna kick your ass.
There's no way they won't vote
for my anti-authority platform.
It's like taking candy
from a politically informed baby.
- You wanna go upstairs and practice
your campaign speech on me?
- Work on our inflection?
- Show me those pointed hand movements.
- Why do you guys even bother
with innuendo.
- Later, Paige.
- Oh yeah, guys, just leave me alone
while I try and figure out who framed me?
- Oh.
- Paige.
- Oh my god.
- Hi.
- I didn't see you there.
- Must be the masking spell.
- What?
- How have you been?
Feeling any different lately?
Any lustful urges?
Deep magnetic pulls?
- Mm-mm.
- To anything? Anyone?
- Excuse me.
- AJ.
There you are.
- Hi.
- We should go talk about track.
- I don't think so.
CHANTAL: Did the virgin blood expire?
That can't be, that was fresh.
- Okay, yeah,
we can talk about track.
- It's supposed
to get stronger with age.
Like, it's like fine wine.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Okay. I wasn't gonna get
all Salem witch trials
and point fingers here,
but I know that she put a curse on me.
- I mean, she did steal some
of my hair back in freshman year,
so I believe it.
So track, why?
I thought you were
more interested in art.
- Oh, trust me. I am.
But lucky for me,
Principal Collins decided
that I'm KingPun.
So I have to figure out who KingPun is.
Otherwise, I'm going
to get suspended.
- That's so dumb.
- Yeah.
- That art is harmless.
- I know.
It's also pretty good.
- Do you have any leads?
- I know that they're here.
That's about it.
I'm just gonna poke around
until somebody cracks.
- So you're gonna interrogate
a bunch of drunk teens.
Seems pretty easy.
- Well, you say that,
but it could be anybody.
It could be you.
- Do I look whimsical enough
for puns?
- Okay. Well, you do have
an intimidating,
no bullshit,
striped shirt vibe going.
So I guess not.
- Thank you.
- Which would make you
the perfect bad cop
to my good cop.
- Excuse me?
- Follow me.
- Oh.
[people chattering]
- Hi, Erin.
- Hi.
- Where were you at 6:00 a. m.
on the morning of the 14th.
- We get Tybalt groomed
on Sundays.
Tybalt. My horse.
Do you wanna see a photo?
Oh, my phone is dead.
- Yeah. No, never, never mind.
Thank you.
[steam hissing]
How close is the nearest
Michael's art supply from your house?
- [coughs]
Who's Michael?
- Can I have a hit?
- Me too?
[phone chimes]
- You have a secret Instagram, right?
- Yeah, but you can't afford
to follow it.
- [chuckles] Sorry.
- Can you guys shine
your lights on me?
Alright, man, you ready?
Thank you.
AJ: Tim.
What do you think of KingPun?
- Oh, Paige here?
- Aren't your parents both artists, Tim?
- Isn't your mom a nurse.
- Your point?
- I haven't seen you save anyone's life.
- He's got a good point.
- You're supposed to be on my side.
- Right.
- Chantal, would you
consider yourself an artist?
- I mean, every witch is
an artist in their own way.
But, I mean, yeah.
I post to Tumblr all the time.
That's mostly just like
Buffy, Faith,
the brothers from Supernatural
So, normal.
- Well, what art tools do you use?
- I mean, I kind of dabble
in everything.
Illustrator, oil paints,
menstrual blood.
- Oh. Oh no.
- Yeah. Okay. Bye.
...get political.
DILLON: Mm-hmm.
You wanna get political?
Oh yeah? You wanna--
- Oh my fucking god.
- Oh fuck.
Oh, hi, Paige.
- Hey.
- ...much bad things as possible...
- Cover AOC's eyes,
she doesn't deserve to see this.
- Okay.
- Come on!
- That was easy.
- Bye.
[door closes]
- So, her house is huge.
- It just keeps going, I know.
- They probably fuck in every room.
Those two are--
- Are disturbingly cute
in a kind of kinky way?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
[both laugh]
Can't believe Chantal is
our best lead right now.
- I mean, it kind of makes sense.
I-I've seen her drawing
in class a few times.
- What? Really?
- Mm.
- Paige, AJ.
romantic music plays

- Oh my god, we need
to take shots, like, right now.
For Paige joining
the track team.
- Yeah, go ahead.
I'm gonna pee.
- Okay. Let's go.
- Okay.
hip-hop music playing

- Oh. Oh. Okay.
[glasses clink]
GABBY: To joining track!
- To... sports!
- Bet our mouth stinks
the same right now.
- What?
- I just got something stuck
in my throat.
- Another shot will fix that.
- Yeah,
it always does.
party music continues

[glasses clink]


Everybody's got
a little secret
Maybe I'll tell you mine
Bring yourself
just a little bit closer
A stranger in the night
Something good can be hard
to swallow
The simple paradise
Slow down if you want
to be my lover
New touch
in the moonlight
Oh oh oh oh oh
- I'm so wasted.
- Oh my god, I'm so glad
that you joined track.
I feel like I never see you
outside of class.
- I know.
You're a Gemini, right?
- I'm a Pisces.
- Who says that complicated can't work.
- What?
- I said I love track.
Gabby, come dance with us.
- Are we at the sad drunk phase
in the night, huh?
- Dillon. Dillon. Dill Pickle.
- You wanna go home?
You'll be better. Yes.
Your drunk ass has a training
with AJ tomorrow.
- Oh shit.
- Right. Yeah.
Mr. President--
- Wow. Thank you so much
for calling me Mr. President.
- You're welcome.
- Okay, let's go.
[clears throat]
- Bye, bad cop.
- Bye. I'll see you tomorrow.
Drink some Gatorade.
- [whispering]
Sports juice.
- I like boobs,
you know what I'm saying?
Tim, I see what you're doing.
- Who doesn't like boobs?
- Cheers.
Woo! Who's ready to party?
- You're so strong.
- I am strong.
- Oh. Whoa.
- Whoa.
- Come on, our ride is here.
You made it?
- Yep.
Okay. Let's make me
an Olympian.
- How are you not
massively hungover right now?
- Well, I drank that Gatorade
that you suggested,
and then I had a hot pocket
and then I had some pizza
and then I had
some ice cream.
Also, I might still be drunk.
- Is that coffee?
Did you bring any water?
- Hmm. Okay. If this mentor-protg thing
is going to work out,
then you have to respect
my caffeinated process.
- Who said anything
about being a mentor?
I'm only doing this
so you don't tank our ranking.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I cutting into your
wearing-a-leather-jacket time?
- I don't own a leather jacket
- Well, you look like you could.
- Okay.
- So what are we doing first?
Picking out my pump-up song?
- No, but you can stretch,
and then we can start on three miles,
- Three miles?
That is 2.9 more miles
than they said I have to run.
- 2.94 miles.
You're confusing miles
and meters.
- I think you're confusing me
with the metric system.
- Let's go, Evans.
Put down your stuff.
upbeat music playing

[Paige gasping]
- Oh my god.
Oh my god.
I can't feel anything.
I can't feel my legs.
I can't feel my face.
- You're being a little dramatic.
- It's the artist in me.
- Speaking of,
you wanna go to art school?
- Yeah.
Now that's like my biggest dream.
- Hmm.
- But now that the pressure's on
and I have to send in my summer app,
I have no idea
what to send in.
- You started it yet?
- Since you asked.
[clears throat]
I've been working
on a few different things,
But none of it feels right to me.
- Shit, you're really good.
- Thank you.
Now I just have
to make CalArt see that.
Pretend you're CalArts.
Tell me what's missing.
- Uh... nothing.
I, I think it's really great.
- You're a really bad liar.
- No, I just--
- Come on.
Tell me the truth.
- I don't know. I'm, I mean,
I'm not an expert by any means,
but maybe it's just,
it is lacking some emotion.
- Okay.
I wasn't expecting
constructive criticism, but alright.
- I knew that was a draft.
Look, your art is amazing.
What was the prompt again?
- Show us your happiest moment.
- Right, okay. So do you think
that that, that shows that?
Or is there anything
that is maybe happier?
- I had a really yummy donut
the other day.
- Uh, what about a,
a first love
or a first kiss or something?
- Uh, well, I haven't had
those things,
so you're really pouring salt
on the wound here, AJ.
- All I'm saying is that
you'll get there.
Just don't be afraid
to draw something
a little more vulnerable.
[phone chimes]
- Look, they just posted something.
- AJ:
Guess that would rule you out.
- At least it's not
on school property this time.
- [scoffs] Well, it's a little late
for that KingPun.
- Let's go, Frida Kahlo.
We've gotta get you to a point
where you can run
without wanting to puke.
- Might give me an edge.
- Doubt it.
- Did you know that
Frida Kahlo was bi?
She was the OG bi-con.
- Oh, nice. Uh--
- Got joke for days, AJ.
Kidd Kenn's Good Day playing
[indiscernible chatter]
- Come on--
Come on.
Come on, you got it.
Go. Go. Push.
Come on, KingPun, get it. Get that tire.
I'ma have a good day
You need somebody
that truly understands you
I'm on your side we together
I'm never playin' you
It be the ones tryna help
that can't stand you
But have a good day
I do me every day
I don't live for others
Proud of who I am
so I'm never under the covers
I ran with it
ain't look back
Now I got big racks
in a book bag
Smile at 'em
when they look sad
- Hey. Look.
They hate on me,
throw shade on me
When it's time to drop
they wait on me
A lot of people
had changed on me
Don't shit change
but the day homie
Shit changed
but the next move
They know I really ball
like the Nets do
All the haters
been past due
Got too many feelings
like the last dude
And I don't trip
'cause the hate be motivation
- Hey!
- Hi.
I make the best
outta every situation
I be too real
I be knowin' when they be fakin'
But this is real,
me and my people made it
You need somebody that asks you,
"Yo, how you feeling?"
[crowd cheering]
MURRAY: Come on.
Come on, Stacey. Oh no!
Come on, Gabby, you got it.
- I'm sorry.
MURRAY: Come on, AJ,
you got this.
[crowd cheering]
I'm on your side we together
I'm never playin' you
AJ! You got this!
You got it! You got it!
Yeah! Yeah!
- Come on!
- Go! Go! Go! Go!
- Yes!
- Oh my god!
Oh, Coach, Coach, Coach.
- Okay. Alright!
- It goes against my entire
coaching approach to say this,
but you're actually getting
pretty good.
- I knew you were using
a tough love approach with me.
- I know, who do I think I am,
my dad?
That, that was a lot funnier
in my head.
- It's okay, dude.
I'm no stranger
to dark dad humor.
Is he tough on you?
- He just sees
so much potential in me,
I guess I don't wanna
let him down.
He wants me to get
a scholarship to a D1 school.
I think that's why I'm so stressed
about doing well.
But I don't wanna talk
about my dad.
I'll save that one
for a future therapy session.
- Speaking of psychoanalyzing,
I think that you were right
about my art.
I, I think I do play it safe.
- I get it.
- But I'm not gonna let you forget
that you said I was good.
A compliment from
the mysterious AJ Campos.
- Don't make me
regret it, Evans.
You wanna try?
- Mm. Can you play track
with a broken leg?
- Don't worry, I'll spot you.
- Oh shit.
- Okay. Bend your knees.

- Hold up.
- What?
- I think that
this is KingPun's notebook.
- What, h-how do you know?
- Look, dude,
it's totally in their style,
and it has KP written all over it.
- Oh yeah, that would do it.
- Maybe it's somebody in track.
- Well, that would rule out Chantal.
- It was never her.
Cute puns are not her vibe,
now that I think of it.
This is exactly how
I'm gonna nail KingPun.
- How?
- I'm gonna DM them and tell them
that I have their notebook.
There's tons
of half-baked ideas in here.
It's not like they're gonna
wanna leave it behind.
So what?
You're just gonna
give it back to them
without figuring out who it is?
- AJ. You kidding me?
We're gonna have
a motherfucking stakeout.
- Oh. No.
Hold on.
PAIGE: It's almost 8:00 p. m.,
and KingPun left me on read.
So I know that they saw it.
- Wow. Your detection skills are on point.
- We should split up.
Cover more ground.
- Oh god,
your efficiency is hot.
- You're hot.
- Help. Help. Help. Help.
- You know
the gate's open, right?
- Oh my god!
Paige. Are you okay?
DILLON: Ay, dios mio.
STACEY: Do you need help? Are you good?
- Ow.
This girl's gonna be the death of me.

- Hey.
- Hey.
Wanna take the north side?
- Yeah, sure.
- Ugh.
- They do know that's
the south east side, right?
- No, but it is so hot
that you do.
- You're so hot.
- You are so hot.
- You are.
- We are.
- We are.
- We are.
We are.
We are. We are.
AJ: Oh, I'm glad
you have each other.
- Hello?
- Oh shit.
- Sorry.
[Stacey chuckles]
You know I like it
when you grab my ass.
- Well, on the upside,
if you can't find KingPun,
it's kind of like a cool badge
of honor to get suspended.
- So you usually go for people
who get suspended?
- Um, I don't really have a type.
It's more of just a vibe.
- So your vibe is Aya then, huh?
- Well, actually,
we just broke up.
- Oh really?
That sucks. Sorry.
Are you over them?
- Depends, Paige. Who's asking?
- Not me. I don't care.
- Ouch.
- I care.
I care.
I just was trying to be nice
and ask you questions. So--
Not that good at that though.
- Well, your questions are cute. So--
- Do you remember in fifth grade
when we were partnered up
to take care of that egg together
in Ms. Higgins' class?
- Oh yeah.
I'm pretty sure I dropped mine
on the first day
and begged my mom
to replace it for me.
Geez, I totally forgot
you were my partner for that.
Damn, I was a shitty mom.
- Well, if it's any consolation,
I gave our egg a bath,
and I boiled it to death.
So guess I wasn't
a perfect mom either.
Oh, hide.
- It's gotta KingPun.
- Aren't we supposed
to be confronting them?
- Yes. I'm just not good at confrontation.
- Clearly.
Kind of weird
that we've co-parented
and never kissed before, huh?
- Yeah. It's a little bit strange.
- Well, maybe we should try it.
- We could try it.
[car door opens]
[car door closes]
- You can lean in now.
- Yeah. Right.
- Sorry.
[car door opens]
[car door closes]
- That was awkward.
[engine starts]
Oh shit, they're leaving.
[tires squeal]
Hey! Wait! Stop!
- Yo. I cannot believe
that your stupid stakeout idea
might have actually worked,
but that was definitely Tim's car.
- How do you know?
- Who else drives
a bright green Challenger
with a bumper sticker that reads
"Your mom calls me daddy"?
- Fucking Tim.
[cell phone buzzing]
- Uh, hold on.
I have to take this.
- So do you think
you cracked the case?
- Yeah, I guess so.
DILLON: Paige, let's go.
We're gonna be late.
Are you seriously not packed
for our away meet yet?
- I started.
Dillon, I need
to tell you something.
- What, what happened?
- Don't make it a big deal. Okay.
- What happened?
Did you find another one
of your mom's special movies?
- Gabby and I kissed.
- I'm sorry, what?
- I know.
- Wait, Gabriela Campos kissed you.
Okay. Screw packing.
Tell me exactly what happened.
- I don't know. It kind of
just happened at the stakeout.
It was really weird, actually.
- What do you mean weird?
You've been waiting for this, like,
literally your entire life.
You're obsessed with her.
- Well, it was very anti-climactic.
- Was it a bad kiss?
Is that her fatal flaw?
Does she have an Achilles tongue?
- [sighs] Maybe it wasn't her.
It was probably me.
- That makes more sense.
She's kissed a lot of people. Yeah.
- Shit! I haven't kissed anyone.
I don't know how to kiss.
- Yeah. You're probably
a terrible kisser.
- You need to teach me.
- No.
- Teach me.
- What, ew!
God, are you seriously trying
to kiss me right now?
- Just kiss me please. Come on.
- No means no, Paige.
Come on.
You're not a man.
DILLON: Thank you.
- Why are you so dressed up?
- It's a structured blazer.
Everybody quit tripping.
Come on. Let's go.
Did you pack us the food?
PAIGE: Ugh. I can't believe
I'm such a bad kisser.
- Oh no, no, no, no.
Bad kisser, that is impossible.
Not possible.
The Evans women
are legendary kissers.
Your grandmother won the Frenching contest
three years running.
- Oh my god.
- I placed second.
- What?
- I've told you about this?
I tied with
your great aunt Janine.
Oh my god,
she is a maniac.
- Wow. I guess the promiscuous gene
skips a generation.
- That's what they say.
- Do you think maybe
it's not the kiss, it's the person?
- Oh.
- What does that mean?
- Maybe you were let down by the kiss
because your crush has run its course.
- But I've liked Gabby forever.
- Might think that maybe
there are other people out there.
- Yeah.
- Like who?
- Hi, Mrs. Evans. Miss. Sorry.
- Hey, AJ.
- AJ.
Wow. Finally, we meet after hearing
about you 24/7 from this one.
- She's being sarcastic.
- I mean, the word constantly
springs to mind.
- Um, what are you gonna do now that
the antisocial artist is out of the house?
- Oh man.
So many possibilities.
I mean, the sky's the limit, right?
I'm not gonna crumble.
That's the one thing I'm not gonna do.
- We're gone for a night.
- I know. Well, it doesn't matter.
I'm not gonna crumble. So--
Hey, AJ, um,
do me a favor
and try to get old Paige here
to loosen up a little bit.
You know, like,
fire up a bong and knock back
a couple of wine coolers.
Oh my god. I have poppers in the car.
Should I run? Grab?
- No. That's the wrong type of gay.
- Well, hello there.
Long time, no see.
- A little delayed gratification
never hurt anyone.
- Okay.
So you making me wait.
- They call it edging these days.
I looked it up on Wikipedia,
and the definition is quite rank.
- I don't know the meaning
of rank, but I believe you.
- It means filthy dirty.
- Well, I'm gonna just get your number
off the emergency contact list.
- Okay. I've had
your number for, like,
I don't know how many days.
Go with the program. Okay.
I mean, text me.
Like, I'm not getting any younger.
Come on.
[hydraulics hissing]
- Let's go!
Here are you room keys, sir.
Quiet hours start at 11:00.
[indiscernible chatter]
[whistle blows]
- Okay. Listen up, hormonal teens.
Now on this list is the name
of your roommate.
I know that 60 percent
of you are queer,
but, guys, don't go
in the girls' room.
And, girls, please don't go
in the guys' room.
We don't want anybody getting pregnant.
And I'm talking specifically
to you, Stacey and Dillon.
- [gasps]
- What? We would never.
- One, as I made it clear
on my campaign trail,
I will not be allowing
the administration to control
what I do with my body.
Two. Obviously, I'm on birth control.
- Well, I'm on team control,
and I want lights out
by 9:00 p. m.
I have a FaceTime date
with a very lovely lady.
I don't want to be interrupted.
And Paige, no graffiti.
- [whispers] Your new stepdad.
- Ugh.
- Hey.
- Hi.
- We should talk.
- Hey, guess we're rooming together.
Can't get rid of you.
- Um, I'm gonna go find out
who my roommate is,
but I'll see you later.
- Did you know
that squirrels remember
every single person
they've ever seen?
- What?
- They have photographic memories.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, I look forward to hearing
more animal facts tonight.
Oh good. 'Cause there are so plenty.
- Guys, team party.
My room, 9:30. Be there.
- No, you guys heard coach.
We, we can't do that.
- Oh no.
Yeah, we definitely can't do that.
Especially since our track meet starts
at 2:00 p. m., right?
Looks like we're getting
fucked up tonight.
- Oh Paige. You're so innocent.
party music playing
[people chattering and laughing]
- Okay. This one is either whiskey or rum.
Then we've got peach vodka.
We've got lemon vodka.
- Wiper fluid?
- More vodka.
And we got mouthwash,
but you just gotta drink
a lot of it to get fucked up.
- Mm, that looks the least risky.
- Is that all you could get
from your parents?
- Yeah. Well, look,
my beard is coming in
so it's only a matter of time
before I stop getting carded.
- Oh yeah, for sure.
- BOY: Yo, Tim!
- Hey.
- There he is.
- You know, you actually have
to confront Tim
about being KingPun
to accuse him, right?
- I've been working up to it.
- She really scares me sometimes.
- Tim.
I know you're KingPun.
I have your notebook.
- What?
- I saw you after school
the other night. Okay.
What were you doing there
if not to get your notebook?
- [whispers]
Okay, okay, okay.
I'll tell you.
I'm in Renaissance club.
- Come again?
- I'm in Renaissance club.
I'm a Rennie, if you will.
- Oh my god.
- We were having
our monthly feast.
And when I got to school,
well, it was canceled.
- I don't believe you.
- Are you serious?
- Wow.
- Okay. Everyone gather around,
it is game time.
- We have to play some games.
- Still got a... lot
of questions for you.
- I got a lot of answers.
- A lot of questions.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Perfect timing. We're about
to play seven minutes.
- What? Like seven minutes in heaven?
- No. That perpetuates
a Christian narrative.
We're playing seven minutes
in the hotel bathroom,
and it's a track tradition.
Okay, everyone, phones in,
pride at the door.
- For any new additions,
the rules are simple.
You put your phone in the bag
and if your phone gets picked,
you have to go into the bathroom
with another person.
And since this is 2022,
we will not force anyone
to make out if you don't want to.
But I will say seven minutes is
such a long time
to be in the bathroom
with someone and not make out.
DILLON: Just saying, Paige.
- Okay? Alright.
Everyone's phones are in.
First phone is--
Alex Lahey's
I Love You Like a Brother playing

You don't like sports
and I don't like dresses
Luckily for us,
our parents got the message
You'd always say "No"
to combat my yeses
You know me better
than I give you credit
People say we look the same,
but I don't think we do
Maybe it's a consequence
of sharing the same womb
- Paige!
I believe this questionable
phone case belongs to you.
- No.
Now let's see.
Whose case is this?
That'd be mine.
- What's your background?
- Tessa Thompson as Valkyrie.
- AJ. It's you.
Come on. Get in there.
Come on. Let's go.
Rules are rules.
We don't make the rules.
They're just the rules.
STACEY: Have fun.
[door opens]
- Use the dental dams.
[door closes]
Oh, I got one.
Did you know that pandas
fake their pregnancies
to get extra food?
- Oh wow. Another random animal fact.
So soon?
- I know. I'm just nervous.
Don't you kind of know me by now.
- Yeah. I kind of do.
Okay. Let me think of,
of random animal fact
while you get yourself together,
- Psst.
You could also just
tell me something real.
- Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
I'm terrified of flying.
- Is that all you're giving me?
- Yes. Well, I don't, I just,
I don't think that humans
are meant to sit in chairs
in the sky, you know.
Like, like, that's messed up,
if you think about it.
- Damn.
[both laugh]
We are bad at
the small talk thing.
- I tried.
- But at least it's better
than us awkwardly making out.
- Yeah.
I mean, what, can,
can you imagine,
what, suddenly
we're hardcore making out?
- Mm. That just sounds
- Come on.
- really crazy.
- It, it would be hilarious.
- It would be just super funny.
- Yeah.
Funny, like this being
my first kiss.
- Very funny.
- I know everyone makes
assumptions about me.
The mysterious AJ Campos.
Brooding, leather jacket type,
but, um, no,
never kissed anyone.
I guess we have that lack
of experience in common.
- Yeah.
But why haven't you?
I mean, I'm sure that,
you know,
people probably want to.
- I'm not opposed to it.
- I'm not opposed to it either.
- Kissing someone?
- Kissing you.
- Oh.
romantic music playing

- Do you think that
this is gonna be awkward later?
- No, I really don't think so.
- Do you have enough blanket?
- Do you have enough room?
We're being weird about this.
And this really does not have
to be weird.
- No.
It doesn't.
I honestly don't think
I'm gonna be able to fall asleep.
Like, my mind is racing
from this whole CalArts thing.
- You're really lucky your mom is
so supportive of you being--
- Gay.
- No. I'm gonna say an artist.
- Oh.
- I do. Yeah.
I feel like I would never pursue
something like that.
- Because of your parents?
- Like... to them,
everything artistic is a risk.
Which I, I guess I get.
- What did they say
when you came out?
- When I told my mom I was bi,
she didn't really say anything.
But when Gabby came out,
she made it pretty impossible
to ignore.
She did it at her 14th birthday party.
Like, at the party.
- Oh wow.
- Yeah.
I think my abuela was gonna puke.
- Is it hard having a twin?
- I mean, I love her,
and we have this
really special, cool bond.
But Gabby's also
painfully charming,
and everyone's obsessed
with her.
It's just an impossible comparison
to live up to, you know.
That was a lot. I don't know
why I told you all that.
- It wasn't a lot.
I'm glad you told me.
- But what about you?
Is it hard growing up with just your mom?
- Mm, sometimes, but not really.
I just love her so much.
Mm, she's like my best friend.
- Aw.
- Don't tell her that though.
She wants it too much.
One day, she just decided
she wanted a kid,
so she got some sperm
and she did it herself.
- That's pretty badass.
Now I know where you get
your confidence from.
- What are you talking about?
You're the one who has the whole
quiet confident thing going on.
Nobody ever knows
what you're thinking,
including me.
- Hey.
I'm working on it.

- We should--
- Yeah, you're right, we should
probably get some sleep.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay.
Good night, Paige.
- Night, AJ.
Girl in Red's
Watch You Sleep playing
The morning sun
Shines on your skin
'Cause your white curtains
They are paper-thin
Windows open
I can feel the breeze
But we're safe here
Under the sheets
I don't ever wanna leave
I'll watch you sleep
And listen to you breathe
Ooh, oh
I don't ever wanna leave
[door closes]
I'll watch you sleep
I've asked you nicely.
All I wanted was
some Cheetos.
Hey, give me my food!
- Hey.
- Hey!
Oh my god, thank god you're here.
- Gabby, drunk Gabby.
- The stupid vending machine
won't give me my food.
- I got you.
[clears throat]
- Wow.
I'm telling you, listen,
I've tried this
so many times tonight,
and it has not happened.
I mean, I don't know--
Thank you.
It's so crazy.
- I'm gonna walk you
to your room, okay.
- If you wanna walk me back
to my room, Paige,
then that's what we're gonna do.
- I'm gonna do that.
- Alright.
remember when I told you
that me and Aya broke up?
- Yeah.
- Well, it actually turns out
that they broke up with me.
No one knows that though.
Gabby Campos got dumped.
- Are you okay?
- Um, yeah, I am--
I'm not.
You're good at making me
feel better though.
- I can't, I can't,
I can't. I'm sorry.
- Why don't you want to kiss me?
Why does no one want
to kiss me?
- I'm sorry, I just have
a crush on somebody else.
- Story of my life,
am I right?
- Gabby?
It's a froyo loyalty card.
- Yeah,
that it is.
See ya later, alligator.
- Good night.

AJ, are you awake?
upbeat music playing
ANNOUNCER 1: [on mic] Well, friends,
it doesn't get any bigger than this.
We're here at the historic
Central Square Track and Field,
and we've got a big one today.
And this is the stuff
dreams are made of,
but also nightmares
if you're not in the top three.
- It goes by so fast,
like childhood.
I just hope that everybody takes
every moment in
and makes it special.
- Now some would say
there are no losers here today.
Is that true?
- No.
- Fantastic.
- The polls say
you're two points behind.
- Oh yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
-I wouldn't trust the polls,
especially when they're run
by two freshmen
who have crushes on you.
- Okay, Todd and Harry did
the best they can
with the resources they have.
- Mm-hmm, yeah?
"The best they can?"
Are they?
Are they really?
- Guys, emergency.
Have you guys seen AJ?
I tried to sit next to her on the bus,
but then Coach cornered me
to talk about my mom's food preferences.
- No, why?
You have that anxious-sweating
deodorant look in your eye.
- AJ and I kissed last night.
- Shut up!
- What?
- And then Gabby tried
to kiss me, again.
- Oh my god.
- Oh no.
- And I'm freaking out because AJ thinks
it was both of our first kisses,
but it wasn't.
My first kiss was with Gabby,
and I don't know what to do
because I actually like AJ.
- No shit.
- Dillon,
our kiss was really real.
You know what I'm saying?
It was really good.
- Okay, uh, Paige,
take, take a deep breath
'cause you can't have
an orgasm on the field.
- I just don't know what to do.
I don't want her to think
that it didn't matter.
And I don't want her think
that I like her sister, I don't.
I don't want her to hate me.
We were talking all night,
and I really don't want her to hate me.
ANNOUNCER 1: [over speaker]
Four by 100 relay teams,
please report to the starting line!
- What am I gonna do?
- Um, okay, well, first of all,
you're gonna run the race
and hopefully
you won't trip and fall,
and then we can figure out
what to say to AJ.
- I feel like I'm gonna shit my pants
like that marathon runner did.
- Shit your pants?
Please shit your pants,
that would be hilarious.
- No, please don't shit your pants.
It's gonna slow us down.
- True, maybe don't shit your pants.
- And that's it for the javelin.
We're getting that young athlete
carted off the field.
I'm sure they'll be okay.
They're doing amazing things now
with blood platelet therapy.
And now we're on to the big one,
the granddaddy of them all,
the fastest 50 seconds
in sport,
the four by 100 meter relay.
[over speakers] Trigger warning,
there will be a gunshot to start,
but it's fake.
upbeat music playing
Runners, take your mark.
Tell me that I'm yummy
when I'm driving in your car
T-t-tell me that you love me
when we cruise the boulevard
Baby, tell me
that you like my style
Make you moan real loud
Yeah, yeah, you're my queen
But daddy be-be wearing
the crown, uh
We sit at the king's table
The courts we assembled
are disabled
- How would you approach
a baton handoff?
- I'd go like this.
Okay, ready? Grab.
So I don't look.
I'll do it again.
- Ah, incredible.
And our hands did not touch.
- Oh, but you have to do it backwards.
Just picture this, but backwards.
- Okay.
[crowd cheering]
On your mark!
Get set.
[crowd cheering]
Go, Gabby!
Go, go, go!
- Here we are with
the second leg of the race
and for Miller High,
this is Gabriela Campos.
She's one of the captains.
- Look at 'em go, wow.
She's really, she's just,
she's just doing a lot of this.
- She's doing tons of this.
This is gonna be a crucial handoff here
to newcomer Paige Evans.
And they get it done!
And now Paige Evans is off.
Oh, I don't wanna let it go
Kick, kick,
kick it on the floor
Pick it up
and do some more, more
Oh, yeah,
we're never gonna stop
Find the rhythm, make it pop
Oh, oh, oh oh
Monetary things might gleam,
but the sun makes the beams
And we are human beings
and yeah, that's an animal
Lion on the plain
but call us the cannibal
And it's terrible
How we let ourselves
get played on like an Atari
I'm not sorry 'cause my heart beats
for tomorrow's love
Not, not tomorrow's blood
ANNOUNCER 1: Now look at Miller High,
they are neck and neck.
An absolute surprise.
Oh, the humanity of it all.
Linklater close behind.
Now ahead, going in the lead.
Miller High--
Miller High second place!
[group cheering]
upbeat music playing

- Second place!
- Hey, can I talk to you
about last night?
- What about last night?
What happened last night?
- My drunk ass tried
to kiss Paige.
I'm sorry,
I should have asked
and not just assumed
because we kissed before,
but honestly I should probably apologize
for that kiss too.
I clearly don't deal
with breakups well.
- You all know about this?
- It's really not what--
- No, it's fine.
You don't have
to explain yourself.
- AJ, can we please talk?
- No, it's fine.
It was just a kiss, right?
And actually, I should be
apologizing to you.
I'm KingPun, so we're even.
- What?
- Oh shit.
- You guys like each other?
- Gab, really, keep up please.
- [sighs] Shit.
AJ, wait!
- No, Paige, Paige,
Paige, Paige, Paige.
Give them a moment, okay.
It's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.

- AJ, wait.
- Leave me alone, Gabby.
- Wait.
I didn't know you liked her, okay.
I never would've kissed her if I did.
- Yeah, I know,
but this always happens.
Every time I try
to make new friends
or just do my own thing,
people always think
of you first.
- I'm sorry.
- God, I was so stupid for thinking
this time was different.
- AJ, you're not stupid.
Paige isn't even into me.
She said she likes someone else,
I'm guessing you.
- She never told me that.
- Just like you didn't tell me
you were KingPun.
I mean, what is going on with you?
Why wouldn't you tell me that?
- Because Mom and Dad would kill me
if they found out I was spending time
on literally anything
other than school or track,
let alone defacing the school.
- But it's me, AJ.
- I know.
But everything I do is always
overshadowed by you, Gabs.
I needed something that was mine.
- How am I supposed to help you
if you don't tell me anything?
- Help me with what,
Mom and Dad?
- They're hard on me too,
you know.
- Oh, now this is about you, great.
- I'm sorry.
I didn't mean it.
- Listen, I will be fine.
Just let second place
feel like last today, okay.
AJ is KingPun.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm.
I did not see that coming.
- Neither did I.
Thank you for getting me
my favorite, by the way.
- You're welcome.
I mean, I got it for both
of us, so I-- well, okay.
so, I hate to bring this up,
but it's almost the end of the semester
and I was kind of a-wonderin'
what you were planning to do
about the whole suspension thing.
- Mm, I have no clue.
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't want to give AJ away
because her dad would be really upset,
but I also don't want to ruin
this whole CalArts thing.
- Yeah, I get it.
- Everything is falling apart.
She won't speak to me.
She ignored me
the whole time on the bus,
and she doesn't answer
any of my texts.
So... how am I supposed
to draw my happiest moment
when I'm the most depressed
I've ever been?
- Well, stop wondering
how you could have done
things differently, you know.
I mean, sometimes you just have
to let your feelings guide you.
That's all you can really do.
And then sometimes
your head and your heart
end up duking it out.
- Well, those two things
aren't really working right now, are they?
- She's gonna come around.
You've just got to give her some time.
That's the way this works.
- You didn't see
the look on her face, Mom.
- I know. I didn't, but
I've been AJ.
I've been you, I've been Gabby.
You break hearts,
you get your heart broken,
and everything in between.
That's just how it works.
Be cool. And I think eventually
AJ will hear what you're saying.
- Having feelings is evil.
- It's the worst.
No feelings would be better,
but that's just not the way it is.
I do have one more
really important question though.
- What's up?
- How does Coach Murray look?
- Oh.
- Like, seriously, level with me.
Tell me everything.
I want all the details.
DILLON: What do you mean you think
only five people are gonna vote?
Hi, Gabby.
Huh. I'm telling you--
McClenny & St. Panther's
Kerosene playing
Got no
Nowhere else to hide
in the deep
Got no
No one else to find
for the scheme
Nothing, nothing, nothing
Nothing that rise won't fall
- Jesus.
But you led us to it
Take a seat
For the team
It's all numbing us
But only you were caught moving
[toilet flushing]

Got your
Hands into the fire
by the greed
Got nobody to deny
What they seen
Nothing, nothing, nothing
Nothing that rise won't fall
It's on all of us
But you led us to it
Take a seat
For the team
Now we don't know
how to behave
Hey, hey
Had my fingers up, screaming,
fuck what you say
Hey, hey
Start the hold world over,
Earth replay
Hey, hey
Tossing, turning every night,
I wanna feel safe
Hey, hey
In a room
full of kerosene
It's on all of us
But you led us to it
Take a seat
For the team
It's on all of us
But you led us to it
Take a seat
For the team
It's all numbing us
Just drop it in your class box.
- Thank you.
GIRL: Yep, you got it.
[indiscernible chatter]
- [whispering] I'm sorry, I just,
I really need to--
I know this is rude.
[clears throat]
Sorry, I, I dropped something
up there,
so I have to go ahead of you.
Sorry, I'm gonna...
- What are you doing?
- Are you just going
to ignore me forever?
- It's been three days.
- Well, each one of them
has felt like daylight savings.
- That would make them
an hour shorter.
- Well, I told you, I don't know
the metric system.
- I know you were forced
to hang out with me on track,
but then you used me
to get to my sister,
to hide from Chantal,
and to figure out who KingPun was.
- Which you could have
told me about by the way.
- Oh, because you were
so honest?
- Okay, I deserved that.
It's not like you told
the truth though, either.
- Well, I wanted to tell you.
- You know, there are other places
you can go to make out, right?
- That's really not
what we're doing.
I wanted to tell you about KingPun,
that I was KingPun.
I wanted to tell you
how I felt,
how I think about you
all the time.
How when you look at me,
I feel like my heart is
literally beating in my ears.
And when you get flustered,
I get flustered
'cause I think it's the stupidest,
cutest thing I've ever seen.
But maybe this is why
I didn't tell you,
because I knew it was
too good to be true.
You don't get to choose who you fall for.
Believe me, I get it.
- AJ, look at me.
I like you.
- I don't want to be runner-up.
DILLON: Why does
the vote for Dillon hashtag
only have two posts,
and they're both from me?
- She hasn't posted
in 12 hours, is that weird?
That feels really weird.
- Uh, do you care
because it's KingPun,
or do you care because it's AJ
and it's driving you nuts
not knowing what she's thinking?
- I'm not answering that.
Listen, I just know how much trouble
AJ will be in if I tell on her.
I don't know what to do.
- Fleeing is always an option.
- You're gonna be
a great president, Stacey.
- Thank you.
- Wait, you didn't vote for me?
Here are me and AJ's uniforms.
- Thank you, Gabby.
Just put it in there.
- Hey, this had hot Cheetos dust
on it when I got it.
Really weird.
- Oh, Paige.
Principal Collins would like
to see you in her office.
- I know.
- And, um,
tell your mom I said... hi.
- I will not.
Okay, let's just get this over with.
I'm KingPun.
There, I said it, okay.
I accept whatever consequences
you determine for me,
and I'll face them.
- Wait, let me get this straight.
You are also KingPun?
- Yes.
- Okay, I'm KingPun,
we're all KingPun.
In fact, I'm QueenPun.
- Huh?
- Is it root vegetable season?
Because it's turn up time, see?
- No, I-I'm KingPun.
- We know you're not KingPun, okay.
AJ Campos came in
about an hour ago,
and she confessed to everything.
- Wait, what?
- Do you want to get suspended too?
I'm just curious, 'cause it feels like
you wanna get suspended.
And I don't know about you, but I'm
not trying to do double the paperwork.
I got things to do.
- Wait, suspension?
You, you suspended her?
- Yes, I suspended her.
She came in and gave me
all the evidence I needed,
and she's allowed back
into school next semester.
- Next semester?
- Do you understand
how space and time works?
Oh god,
this semester ends this week.
Why are you still here?
I have things to do,
wenches to boss
and turkey legs to motorboat
and history to write.
- Okay, I'll leave.
- Well, do you wanna help me
with the corset?
'Cause it's,
it is like a whole
panic room on my back.
[students chattering]
soft music playing

- Like, I want to win, but I just,
like, I don't want to see you lose.
- I'm gonna win, babe.
- I don't know if you are.
- I think I will.
- Oh yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
- You think you will win?
- I know I'm gonna win.
- Yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
- Tell me again.
- I'm gonna win.
- I'm gonna fucking win.
- I need your help.
Stacey, I need you
to call Gabby.
- Ugh.
- Are you serious?
She's relapsing.
- It's the opposite actually.
I'll fill you guys in
while we work.
We should go.
Work on what?
- Paige.
upbeat music playing

What are we doing?
You know I can't be here
right now.
This won't take long.
Jesus Christ!
What the hell are you doing?
Put that away!
Gabs, stop!
Are you just trying
to get me expelled at this point?
- Listen, I know you're still upset.
- Yeah, more so now.
- But I will always have
your back, okay.
If you're going down,
I'm going down with you.
- Okay, yeah,
I appreciate the gesture,
but this is not gonna help me at all.
In fact, I think it's gonna get me
in more trouble.
Also, what the hell is it?
- Isn't it obvious?
- No, I feel like I'm playing Pictionary
with an infant.
- It's supposed to be an arrow.
You were supposed to follow it.
- What?
- Listen, I love you, okay,
even when we fight.
And you're a fucking incredible artist
and an amazing person.
You deserve to win, AJ.
- Alright, I do appreciate that.
- So please,
follow my shitty arrow.
upbeat music playing

When we met
I worried that
You and me spark too easy
Dig me in with your grief
We grew into something heavy
It's been a while, we lost touch
I feel like a stranger
I ran out on your love
I'm hoping you don't blame me
I change like the seasons
Good afternoon, everybody.
Uh, just a quick reminder,
there's about 50 spots open
for the Annual Renaissance Fair.
So if you'd like to sign up,
you could still do that in my office.
Moving on to the real reason
we're here today,
the election results.
And a quick thank you
to your peers here on stage
who have worked so hard
to earn your vote
to become the next
student body president.
And out of the two,
I have no idea who it could be.
It's such a close race
between the both of them.
Without further ado,
your next president is
Stacey Clark!
[crowd cheering]
- Madam President.
- First Gentleman.
[crowd cheering]
- Go, Stacey!
- I am so honored to be
your new student body president.
As many of you may know,
I've worked tirelessly
to make this dream happen.
And I wanna give
a huge shout-out
to everybody who's helped me
along the way.
I'm looking at you, Todd and Henry.
- As promised on my campaign trail,
I will be completely transparent
about all my policies.
I also will be challenging
the administration
on any issues
I believe merit push back.
- Here we go.
- In fact, I'd like
to serve right now
by introducing you guys
to my very first project,
the beautification initiative.
It's about time we took a page
out of KingPun's book
and filled these school walls
with color and life.
It's time we reinvested in art,
no matter what the administration says.
- I voted for you, bitch.
- Therefore,
to launch this initiative,
I'd like to welcome
a beautiful artist to the stage.
Paige Evans!
[students murmuring]
[Dillon applauds]
- Woo!
You look like a serial killer,
change your eyes.
- What is she doing?
- Just wait.
- I can't believe I've become
an accomplice to this.
- You're gonna be surprised
by a lot of the things
you do with me.
I'm mostly talking about sex stuff,
just so you know.
- Hello.
My name is Paige Evans.
- Yeah, yeah, Paige!
- Some of you guys may recognize me
from that party I attended once.
[Paige clears throat]
- This is terrible.
Good job.
- Like KingPun,
um, I too am also
an artist.
And I believe that art is supposed
to make you feel something.
KingPun isn't vandalizing
school property.
Actually breathing life
into this place.
Have you ever walked into school
and had a bad night
or had a breakup and saw a mural
and laughed or smiled?
[scattered applause]
Yes. So exactly.
I don't, I don't think that KingPun has
to be punished for that.
BOY: Yeah.
- And as your new
class president, I agree.
[audience cheers]
BOY: Yeah!
- Great, it's a coup.
- Go.
- What?
Please, please, please.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- So AJ is KingPun?
- I just need you to know
that when I'm with you,
it's not about Gabby,
it's, it's not about track.
- Paige, I don't really want--
- Just let me finish, okay.
- Yeah.
- I've been really struggling
with this stupid prompt,
trying to figure out what
my happiest moment feels like.
- Yo, I can't hear anything.
Hey, you guys know
what's happening?
- And I've realized that
it's not just one moment.
It's every moment
that I've had with you.
Falling for you has been
the happiest moment of my life.
And making this has been the easiest thing
I've made all semester.
[students gasp]
- Oh my god.
[indiscernible chatter]
- Wow.
- I mean,
it really hasn't been the easiest thing.
I haven't slept in 24 hours,
but you get the idea.
- Can I talk now?
- Only if it's good.
[AJ chuckles]
- I'm really sorry
I threw you under the bus
and then let you take the fall for me.
It was wrong
and really messed up.
I just wanted to spend
every second I could with you.
And every stupid pun
and mural and drawing
brought us together.
So I couldn't stop
'cause I was falling for you too.
[Paige squeals]
[both laugh]
- Okay, that was good.
- Yo, can y'all speak up?
Man, we can't hear you.
- Speak up!
- Shut up, Tim!
Ahem. Sorry.
- What do we do?
- I think if we kiss,
they'll get the idea.
- Okay.
[all cheer]
- Oh, thank god.
- Yeah, sister!
[cheering continues]
- How are we gonna get that
to CalArts?
- Uh, my mom's got it covered.
- There's only
15 percent battery left.
- Oh yeah, I know.
I brought the charger
so that we can have a little fun
with this bad boy
in your office later on.
And by later on,
I mean in, like, 90 seconds.
We should go.
- Thank god this went well.
Could you imagine if she got you
turning me down on tape?
- Hello?
- Oh yep, there you are.
- I was sitting here
the whole time.
Did you not notice?
- No.
Why are you smiling?
- What are you talking about?
- I know you took some of my hair.
- I know that you're in love with me.
- Whoa, okay, don't flatter yourself.
You're not my type.
Two, of course I took your hair.
How else is a love spell
supposed to work?
I'm exhausted.
You're welcome.
- She really just called us out.
- Okay, I know, I know.
Double the paperwork and I'm sorry.
And you're gonna have
to suspend us both, so--
- I'm not suspending
either one of you guys.
- Really?
- What?
- Did I stutter?
You guys need to clean your ears.
No, not suspending anyone.
And the beautification initiative,
when the board hears about it,
it was me.
- Okay, that's fine.
- Damn.
- Oh, I'm not done yet.
You guys are also gonna run
the face painting booth
at the RenFaire this year.
- Anything but that.
- That's the face I was looking for!
Looking like a bunch of wenches.
- She just called us wenches.
- Does this mean I have to paint Tim?
- I think honestly,
we should be thanking her.
- It's the first day on the job,
and you already started
a revolution.
- Would you expect anything less?
- Time to use those dental dams.
There's some in your locker.
- Thank you.
[clears throat]
By the way,
that wasn't just a kiss.
- Yeah, no shit.
PAIGE: The thing about art
is that you can't force it.
It's a lot like love.
You should just let it
come to you
and not be afraid
to be vulnerable.
I spent so long
comparing myself to other artists,
to my peers, to KingPun.
When I finally stopped
and I started living my life,
my art caught up with me.
And you know what?
It looks pretty damn good from here.
Jax Anderson's
Bigger Picture playing
Now that I am out
from undercover
Seeing all the colors
That I feel
because of you
Now I know that
I don't need to suffer
Finally got each other
Deep down,
it was always you
All the shit
that I went through
Doesn't matter
'cause of you
So much
to look forward to
The big picture
starts with you
Every time I'm anxious,
you peel back my layers
Take the tension
off my back
Take the tension off my back
I'm not glad it hurts you
when you see me crying
Every fallen tear you dry
I fought off all the feelings
for the fear I feel too much
But you saw straight through
the walls I built up
Now that I am out
from undercover
Seeing all the colors
That I feel
because of you
Now I know that
I don't need to suffer
Finally got each other
Deep down,
it was always you
All the shit
that I went through
Doesn't matter
'cause of you
So much
to look forward to
The big picture
starts with you
It all starts with you
It all starts with you
Now that I am out
from undercover
Seeing all the colors
That I feel because of you
And now I know that
I don't need to suffer
Finally got each other
Deep down,
it was always you
All the shit
that I went through
Doesn't matter
'cause of you
So much
to look forward to
The big picture
starts with you
It all starts with you
It all starts with you
It all starts with you
It all starts with you
upbeat music playing