Crushed (2022) Movie Script

(gentle music)
(ominous music)
(air whooshing)
(dance music)
- Okay, okay, we have to hurry up and get out there.
I'm talking to this guy and
I don't wanna get ahead of myself,
but I have a really good gut feeling about him.
- Ooh, is it that tall hot guy who bought you a drink?
The one who looks like the baby of KJ Apa
- and Liam Hemsworth? - Yes!
With the personality of Noah Centineo.
But not him on Twitter, him in his movies,
'cause he's a douche on Twitter.
- You're deluding yourself.
- What the hell, Kate? - Seriously, again?
- Yeah, I mean, he's probably already forgotten your name.
- Can we please go clubbing
without your suite mate next time?
- You shit on like every dude.
What's your deal?
- Do you wanna know my deal?
'Cause I'll tell you my deal.
This pretty like messed up thing happened in senior year.
You guys ready for this story?
- Go ahead.
(upbeat music)
- [Kate] Stories about a guy
don't always begin with the guy.
They begin with the calm before the storm.
That brief moment where everything is perfect.
When he hasn't ruined your life yet.
- Do you think something's wrong with us?
There's a rumor going around that we're virgins.
I mean we are but like I feel like this Cabo trip
is just an excuse for everyone to hook up.
- [Kate] Hannah's been my ride or die
since the first day of second grade,
the one person in our school who truly got me.
- Who's gonna hook up with who though?
- Kate!
Gossiping about people's personal lives is a gateway.
Okay, it's like the jewel of interpersonal relationships.
- Oh, no, no, it's my crack.
Like I will snort it straight through my eyeballs.
It's not like they're not talking shit about us either.
It is second semester of senior year.
We all hate each other.
- I don't hate you.
Okay, this is so bad,
but Olivia Lee and Will Park for sure.
- Definitely.
They are so lusty.
Every time I see them,
I feel like the whole school is going to get fertilized.
What about Aria Goldman?
- [Hannah] Anyone she wants.
You know that photo of Tienanmen Square?
She's literally the human version of that tank.
- [Kate] It's so weird they let Emma Daniels
hang out with them.
There is no way she's on the same strata of cool.
- Yeah, but her mom created the little chips
that go in all the cellphones,
so she's like crazy loaded.
She could buy all of us and sell us three times over.
- Hm.
- What about Bogdan?
- Oh now his level of hotness is confusing,
because either his face distracts from his clothes,
or his clothes distract from his face,
like I can never really tell which.
I'm gonna say nobody and Rachel Katz.
Actually no, I take that back,
she's definitely gonna hook up with her hand.
- Okay, I'm so evil for laughing but,
I don't know, I'm not gonna be hooking up
with anyone either, so.
- Well, that's only because you're too good for anyone
at this this garbage trash school!
I feel like all the guys here
are gonna end up like selling cars after we graduate.
- I don't know, I feel like we should at least
try to be open.
I mean, we have two months, we have this month,
and then we have two months after that,
and then we have graduation,
and then three months of summer before we start college.
- Yeah, I think I'd like to go to college
with my self-esteem intact.
I was tempted
- [Kate] Jason Curtis,
perfection in human form.
I was tempted.
There is one thing going for this school,
and I want it inside me.
(Hannah chuckles)
- Kate, this is so good,
like Ocean's 11 would steal it in a heist level good.
Okay, you have to post it.
- Fine, okay.
- Smile.
Okay, turn your airdrop on.
- All right.
Oh God.
Why did I have to be born
with the ugliest possible facial feature combination?
- Okay Kate, you know I saw your looks are unique.
- [Kate] You know how you never know
you've hit your peak until you start sliding downhill?
That was me, literally then.
Farewell and goodbye
- [Ms. Perez] Kate!
Here to turn in your yearbook design I presume?
- Ooh, I am still working on those.
I was gonna use the senior trip to finish 'em.
- Oh okay.
- We actually have our permission slips.
- Oh, wonderful, wonderful.
Well, you know a journey is an opportunity for growth.
(teacher laughs)
- Um yeah I've been looking forward to the senior trip
more than I've been looking forward to senior year.
- Oh, it's also my favorite time of year, shh.
- Oh, you're chaperoning?
- Me?
Oh God no.
no, no,
you couldn't pay me to go on that trip.
Just a bunch of hormonal teens
all cramped together on a hot bus?
That is a recipe for disaster.
It's also a category on PornHub.
You know, what, ha!
I guess they put the seniors together for a field trip
on spring break, you know, keep 'em outta trouble.
But, funny thing is,
they usually end up getting into even more trouble.
- I don't like trouble.
- Trouble finds those
who aren't looking.
You be careful on this trip.
You two are such bright pupils,
and I don't want to hear stories of you
taking rectal narcotics.
- Rectal narcotics?
That's a thing?
- Yeah, no, no, no, no,
I'm pretty sure it's a thing only adults worry about
but doesn't actually exist.
- No, no, no. I mean it, Kate.
Your choices
make you
who you are.
- [Kate] Ms. Perez was full of shit.
If I got to 17 without knowing how to make good choices,
then I didn't deserve to make it to 18.
- What did I do with your slip?
Oh! You folded it.
Oh, Cabo.
- [Kate And Hannah] Cabo.
- [Kate] Hm, I did kinda have a knot in my stomach
that wasn't there a moment ago.
I never get why P.E. is right after lunch.
I read most of our energy goes toward digesting,
so scientifically,
this is right when we'd be the most sluggish.
- Hm. - Yeah.
It only takes one second to change your life.
I saw that on a drunk driving PSA, but it still holds up.
Holy shit, holy shit.
I'm not even shitting you right now,
Jason Curtis liked my picture.
- Seriously? - Yes.
- Jason Curtis, Jason Curtis? - Yes, yes!
- Whoa.
He's so fine.
- I know, it's like his cheekbones were carved
with a fricking' chisel.
- So, do you think this means anything?
- Like, no, I dunno.
Maybe? Yes?
I mean like, Jason Curtis doesn't just
give out his likes like they're Tic Tacs, right?
- Oh, I wouldn't know.
- Dance with me!
- Okay!
- This is so exciting. - Jason Curtis!
- Okay, not to harbor on this,
but this definitely changes my life, right?
Like, an entire makeover but for my existence?
- Um, can I touch you?
- I mean, imagine being Jason Curtis's girlfriend?
Nobody would talk shit about you.
- Okay, have we noticed how hot Matt Spenser's gotten?
- Matt Spenser, like Matt Spenser?
- Yeah, Matt Spenser.
- Matt Spenser, who got drunk
at Jacob Brominger's toga party,
that Matt Spenser?
- Matt Spenser who's helping me out in AP lit,
and who's face is currently morphing
into a hotter version of itself,
right now as we speak.
- What? Ew, no, Hannah.
I'm not even like going with you there on that one.
How could you imagine making out with him
when his ass was hanging out of his toga
for like seven hours?
- He was drunk, it's not his fault.
- Why are you not wearing underwear under your toga?
And secondly, how could you go to school on Monday
knowing everyone has seen your weirdly smooth balls?
- Fine, fine, I get it, I get it.
But we haven't even hung out-hung out yet.
- I'm just saying like we are nobodies at this school,
and yet we are still better than Matt Spenser.
- Okay.
- We are!
(all yelling)
(rock music)
Honestly, we shouldn't even be focusing
on boys right now, because
they take up all of your mental energy
and make you go nuts.
- Look, I just like him 'cause he's nice to me.
- Guys at this school are like shit in a chocolate box.
Except for Jason Curtis,
he's like the one exception to my rule,
you know what I mean?
(gasps) I am on your team, jaggoffs!
- Do you like my balls on your face, Kate?
- No, no, I don't actually,
because I only like things that don't suck
around my face.
See? Shit in a chocolate box.
Why do you keep throwing balls at me?
Is it because you don't have any?
Aria Goldman.
You know those girls who make everyone fear them?
The ones that nobody actually likes,
but somehow they're still popular?
That was Aria.
Aria ran with the cool crowd.
The coolest, in fact.
She ran with Jason Curtis's crowd.
- Sorry!
Sometimes I'm so stupid, my arms can't even throw.
- No, no, no, no, I'm, I'm stupid.
Like, why did my head even get in the way?
- No, I'm stupid.
- No, like, I'm stupid.
- No, I was born stupid.
- I'm stupid though- - We're both stupid!
Kate, right?
Why've we never hung out before?
Oh, I mean, I didn't, I didn't even know
you were aware I went to this school,
until like this moment.
- So weird. Well, if you're going on the Cabo trip,
a bunch of people are sleeping over at my house.
Come if you want.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, um.
Well, I mean like no, like I'll go if I want,
like, I mean if I can,
which I think I,
like I, I probably,
I will go.
I will be there.
- Yeah, I just think it's important
we all get to know each other really well
before we graduate.
These are important moments, you know?
(Aria screams)
- Yeah.
Luke, I swear to god, I will take that ball
and I will stick it down your dick hole,
so the nurse will have to get it out with tweezers.
Are you kidding me?!
(Kate groans)
- So when are you coming over tonight?
'Cause my mom wants to make sure that dinner's-
- Wait, what?
- Oh, are you not sleeping over before the trip?
Sorry, I just assumed.
- Oh, sorry, um, no I forgot to mention it because
it actually just happened, um.
Aria Goldman invited me over.
- Aria Goldman?
Don't we hate her?
- Well, like, only 'cause she hates us.
- Remember when she came to my party in the fourth grade
and then stopped talking to me completely
because she found out my dad's a nephrologist?
"Nobody makes money with kidneys."
- What, I mean, look,
you know I don't want to be friends with her, but,
she's friends with Jason Curtis and
if you like a guy,
you have to make friends with their friends.
So it's more of like a strategic friendship, you know?
These aren't going to be our last moments together.
We're gonna have the whole bus trip
to sit next to each other.
- I guess so, it's just
you got into Kenzer, you know,
and it's all the way across the country.
(upbeat music)
(both giggle)
(Kate gasps)
- I didn't mean that!
- [Kate] When I finally register to vote,
I'm gonna vote for the person
who campaigns to fund time travel,
so you can go and undo all of the mistakes you've made.
(whimsical music)
Um, sorry, am I in the right place?
- Kate! Idiot.
That's my housekeeper.
We've had her since I was like five,
and she's like my second mom.
I think she's stealing from us.
- What? Oh my god.
- Yeah, one of my necklaces went missing.
- You sure you didn't like, lend it out or something?
- My dad says you can never trust anyone,
and you know, it's so true!
- [Kate] You can trust me.
(Aria laughs loudly)
- [Aria] Oh my god, I love how funny you are, Kate.
(Emma chews loudly)
Oh my god, can you, like, not be hypoglycemic for once?
- Sorry, sorry.
My body is so gross.
(Olivia gasps)
- Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
- What?
- Oh my god,
I just ruined my life forever.
Oh my god,
I just liked Will Park's post.
(Aria gasps)
Oh my god.
Oh my god, you know, it's like,
it's one thing if you like him,
but if he know you like him,
I mean, you'd be better off changing your whole identity
using one of those like Face/Off things.
(Olivia hyperventilates)
It's a classic movie my dad likes.
- Well, if you liked his picture
and unliked it five seconds later,
he won't get a notification.
I've done it.
I mean, I saw someone do it.
- And, did he notice that she liked it?
- He didn't say anything.
It was Jason.
- Jason? What Jason?
There were four Jasons in our class,
including two Jason C.'s,
but realistically,
there wasn't a single other Jason in the world.
- Jason Curtis,
the guy who not only has one, but two subreddits,
dedicated to how literally every girl
in the tri-county area wants to date him?
- Jason Curtis, the guy that won prom king in freshman year,
even though freshmen legally aren't allowed to go to prom.
- Jason Curtis,
the guy who was personally told by Ralph Lauren
that he was too handsome to model.
- I swear, he could hold you down and fart on you,
and you'd ask for more.
- Well, not like every girl wants to date Jason Curtis.
I don't want to date Jason Curtis,
because I'm not a thirsty slut.
- Wait, so,
Jason didn't see that your friend liked the photo?
- I literally just said he didn't!
I mean, I don't think he did,
he didn't like her photo back or anything.
- No but Jason Curtis wouldn't do that.
You know he doesn't give out likes,
he only gets them.
- What if, hypothetically,
Jason Curtis did like your picture?
- That means he'd wanna get you pregnant in every way.
- I mean, he probably gives out charity likes.
If he sees a post and it's so dumb that nobody like it,
he's gonna like it.
- Okay this doesn't even matter any more,
okay because it's been over five seconds,
and I am not going on the trip tomorrow!
I can't! And I won't, okay?
I mean, I should just die!
I should just die right now.
Like right now, I should just die.
- We'll miss you.
(Olivia sobs)
- Yeah.
(gentle acoustic music)
- I had to face the facts.
Jason Curtis liked my photo,
which means he liked me.
Fact, Jason Curtis was a senior,
ipso facto, Jason Curtis would be on the senior class trip.
I was a senior.
I was going to be on the senior class trip.
Also a fact, people hook up on the senior class trip.
This could be my shot, fact.
And if it wasn't,
what if I made it my shot?
He was clearly interested in me.
If I went for it now,
I wouldn't be the weird, quiet girl
who's always drawing in her notebook, anymore.
I'd be the girl who married Jason Curtis.
I'd be a legend.
I was going to do it.
The impossible.
I was going to do
Jason Curtis.
(Aria snores, farts)
(mischievous music)
(rooster crows)
- Today's the day!
What are you looking forward to most in Cabo?
- Um.
- Seeing Jason Curtis?
- Oh, he's going, too?
I figured he'd be spending his break
you know, interning at a financial planner's office
so he could get some real world experience
before heading off to Linsmore, you know?
- You like him, don't you?
- What?
- It's okay, admit it.
You're obsessed!
And you want to kiss all over him,
and then get pregnant after a wild night
of sex positions you saw in a porn video
and then you have to get an abortion
because he will never pay for Plan B!
- I mean, you don't think he'd pay for Plan B?
- (gasps) Oh my god, I can't believe you admitted it!
- You told me to!
Please don't tell anyone.
If you like a guy and he finds out you like him,
it's literally worse
than getting both of your eyes gouged out
with a dull spork.
So, like basically a spoon.
- Don't worry.
I got you, bitch.
- Okay, thanks.
(Country Western music)
- [Woman] Get out of the way!
Get to the buses!
Move over, get out the way.
You're supposed to be checking them in.
- I frigging hate that my mom signed up to chaperone.
She's always worried that I'm gonna run off
and do butt drugs.
- Oh I know, do you remember when she actually came to my
18th birthday party because she was all paranoid
that we were going to go to a strip club?
- She never lets me do anything!
I feel like, I can't even, like (gasps) breathe.
"Visiting a strip club
is like a one-way ticket to prostitution.
Do you want to be owned by a man
with a face tattoo of a gang symbol?"
Like, what?
- Um, so what's, like, the bus situation?
Anyone sit anywhere, like free for all, or?
- You'll figure it out.
- What? Okay.
- Here it is.
This my bus, right here?
Yo, let's go to Cabo!
(bus cheers)
- Sorry, honey, this bus is full.
- Um, but I just saw somebody get on it, so.
- Well, that's why it's at capacity.
If I let one more person on this bus,
we run the risk of overweight cargo.
And that is a one-way ticket to getting stranded
on the side of the road, and popping a tire.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Hi.
- Um, is it okay if Matt sits with us?
- Why is Matt such, like, a big deal all of sudden?
You do realize he got drunk at that toga party
and passed out, right?
- It was two years ago,
and it was his first time having liquor that wasn't beer.
- That's like, not a thing.
- Look, you can't keep on bringing up
people's past like that.
Although, I will admit,
seeing a picture of his penis,
that someone photoshopped to look like Gonzo's nose,
was a personal hurdle, for sure.
- It would be.
- But I dunno, we just kinda,
chatted all last night.
It was just easy.
Oh look, he saved us a seat.
One for you, and one for me.
Let's sit by him.
- And make everyone think my thing is
watching you and Matt make out?
Yeah, no.
Sitting next to Matt, on a two day bus trip,
is social suicide.
I would actually rather kill myself.
- [Hannah] Oh.
- Um, but, you could sit next to Matt, if you want?
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Hi.
- Hey, bitch.
Sorry, this seat's saved for my feet.
- Kate!
Sit down so we can leave!
This bus cannot go into motion
until you're safely secured.
- I'll just squeeze in here.
(upbeat music)
We weren't just heading into the heart
of the Baja California peninsula.
We were heading into the heart of something else.
Something a lot darker.
(upbeat music continues)
(dance music)
(overlapping loud chatter)
- Thanks, um, here.
(overlapping yelling)
(phone rings)
- Ugh, I wish you were here.
I feel like a veteran who lost their arm in combat,
and now I'm feeling like phantom pains.
- Aw, I know.
I'm sorry!
But things are going really well though, I think.
I mean, Aria knows that I like Jason, um,
and so I know that gives her more power over me but,
I dunno, I think it's good.
Jason Curtis liked my photo, Hannah.
Liked it.
I dunno why, or how, but
if I don't get in with Jason Curtis now,
I just-
- I support your goal.
But that being said,
I do feel a little ditched.
- I mean, you're the one that wanted to sit
next to Mat Spenser.
- Stop it, what?
- Why are you talking to Hannah Herpes?
- Um. - What was that?
- Oh, sorry, I gotta go.
She doesn't have herpes, by the way.
- Well I know but, they both start with an H.
Kate, listen, there's just some people we don't talk to.
You know her dad's only a doctor, right?
- Okay, um, so what? Like, I'm on a scholarship.
- Wait, you're what?
(phone pings)
- For a minute, I felt like my heart stopped beating,
and my body kept living.
But not in like a heart attack way.
In a zombie apocalypse way.
- Ugh! I hate Jason Curtis, he's being so lame.
Like, if an Olympic sport was for lameness,
he would win a platinum medal.
- Yeah, I mean he's,
he's good at everything, isn't he?
- He's car sick, how dumb is that?
- Oh, uh, so dumb.
- Ugh. - Yeah.
- Like, what is he even doing, on that other bus?
But seriously, though, like what is he doing?
Is his stomach okay?
Is he gonna be able to like continue the trip, or, you know?
- Oh, should I just text him right now
and let him know how much
you wish he was going down on your beave'?
- What? No, no! Don't text him that!
- Hey Jason, I'm sitting next to Kate,
and she said she got wet looking at your name,
she's slipping and sliding all over the bus,
and we don't even have a mop!
Don't worry, I would never.
- Um.
I don't know like why I did this, but um.
Here we go.
(Aria laughs)
- How do you know what it looks like?
- Oh, uh, I'm just like guessing,
based off of anecdotal information,
it's like a forensics composite, but for his penis.
Did you know that his thing is so big,
he has to get custom underwear?
- It doesn't look like that.
I mean not that I've seen it.
Kate, you're unwell, I have to take this away from you.
Whenever you think of Jason Curtis,
all you gotta do is think of cat pee,
'cause then every time you think of Jason Curtis,
you'll think of cat pee!
(Aria giggles)
- [Kate] Once someone knows you like someone,
they feel like they have the right
to dissect all of your feelings.
It's like getting emotional surgery
from a monkey wielding a scalpel.
And also the monkey doesn't have a medical degree.
It should at least have a medical degree, right?
Thank god, I am bursting.
- I'm holding mine 'til we get to Cabo.
- [Kate] Okay, let's go.
- Oh, are you car sick?
- Nothing! I'm just, uh, getting a snack.
- What are you doing?
- Okay so, Jason Curtis is using the bathroom, right now,
in this very moment, right?
- Um.
- So, if I just wait outside the men's restroom,
he'll come out and whoops,
I just guess we'll have to start talking.
Mm, sorry, what was that?
He wants to continue the conversation on the bus?
We'll sit next to each other,
and fall in love.
- Okay, I support you,
- but I- - Amazing, follow me.
(upbeat music)
- [Hannah] I dunno, it's just,
I feel like you talk about him a lot.
- You talk about Matt a lot.
- Yeah that's 'cause Matt and I are in a thing.
Can you believe it? We're in a thing, now!
- Just shh. I think I can see him, lift me higher.
Oh wait, that' not him.
- Okay, what are you doing?
- I just wanna see what his schlong looks like.
I heard it's not what I think, so it's probably better.
And I just wanna see for like artist's reference,
like, that's why. And this is going to be such a funny story
at mine and Jason Curtis's wedding.
- Okay I think we should get going
'cause the bus is gonna leave without us.
- Yeah, okay, I'll be right behind you, here.
- [Hannah] So are you good?
- Yeah. - Okay.
(upbeat music)
- Why are you hanging around the men's bathroom
like a 1970's suburban dad
who's keeping a big secret from his family?
- Great, now even the kid who brought a freaking french horn
on a school trip thought I was weird.
- Everyone else is on the bus, waiting.
They sent me to find you.
- Crap, crap, sorry,
let me like, use you to-
(he yells)
Oh, sorry.
- Anastasia!
- Sorry.
(he plays a tune)
- Dip shit!
- Kate, nobody likes a pokey puppy, sit down!
(phone rings)
Sure the entire bus hated my guts, yeah.
And yes, I made a questionable choice, fine.
But it was nothing compared to what was waiting ahead.
(whimsical music)
- I heard you were standing outside the men's restroom
giving hand jobs,
that's why you were late.
- Ew, what?
- He told me.
- I don't know, that's just what I heard.
- I was just like hanging out,
outside the men's restroom.
There was nothing gross about it.
- Because if you wanna give hand jobs,
I mean, you don't need to wait outside a rest stop to do it.
- What is wrong with you?
Guys were disgusting.
They were ruled by their loins,
and would put it in anything if given the chance.
They'd probably stick it in a chum bucket
if the chum bucket seemed like it was being
even remotely nice to them.
But I couldn't shake the feeling that girls
might not be so different.
(funky music)
- How's the yearbook going?
- Um, it's, it's going.
What are you doing here?
- I just got bored,
wanted to come say hi to you,
and Aria.
Hey, Aria!
- Maybe you could just like, you know,
FaceTime me.
- What? Why are you being weird?
- What?
No, I'm not, I'm not being weird.
Okay can you just like, maybe go sit down, please?
I mean, you're probably being like a safety hazard
right now, actually.
- Okay.
I'll just-
(whimsical music)
- Why is he so perfect?
- This place looks like it has bed bugs.
It's like only four stars!
- Aria, you know that upscale hotels are hot spots
for human trafficking.
- Mom!
That's not even true!
- Are you calling Dateline a liar?!
- I don't wanna stay here.
You picked this hotel, but everybody's gonna blame me.
- Oh, well, you will thank me
when you don't wind up a s-e-x slave
of a Saudi oil billionaire.
Okay, everybody get to your assigned rooms!
Do not switch rooms!
This is very important!
- Hey, uh, I know we're not supposed to switch rooms,
but, can I stay with you guys?
- We really want you to stay with us,
but we're already rooming three.
- Well, uh, a room can fit four.
- Emma kicks in her sleep.
- Periodic Limb Movement Disorder.
My doctor says I'm unleashing pent up aggression,
that I'm too weak to express when I'm awake.
- Yeah it's really bad.
- Well, uh, I don't mind,
- It's a real condition,
you can Google it.
- All right.
- You're seriously Googling it?
I have to pee! We'll get the luggage later.
(Matt giggles)
- Hey, roomie.
- Oh, sorry, I promised Matt he could room with me.
I just assumed that you were gonna room with Aria,
since you guys seem to be getting along so well.
- He's going to have sex with you.
- Okay, I'm just sharing a hotel room
and maybe the same bed as a boy.
What makes you think we're gonna have sex?
- Uh, he has a penis?
Okay, I-I-I just know that you are way better
than losing your virginity,
on like some random class trip, of all places.
- Hey look, I appreciate your concern,
but I feel like you should know
that I'm not gonna have sex with someone so soon.
I mean he barely even kissed me.
Can you believe it? He kissed me!
- With Matt Spenser.
Matt Spenser!
I mean, do you not remember
what happened at the toga party?
- Yeah, he explained the whole thing to me,
and it's not as bad as everyone made it seem.
- Well, he has a gonorrhea rash.
- It's a birthmark.
Look, are you worried
that I'm not gonna have enough time for you,
if I get a boyfriend?
What? No.
- Okay.
(crickets chirp)
(whimsical music)
- Hello?
Why aren't you in your room?
- Um, I don't have one.
But actually, maybe I could room with Aria,
since I have no other place to go?
- Don't be ridiculous.
Emma has Periodic Limb Movement Disorder,
she'll kick you to death.
Well, you know what, um,
no one wanted to room with Rachel Katz, so.
You can just, just room with her.
- Or, I could sleep on the bus?
- Are you crazy?
The Yelp reviews say that this area has coyotes.
Sleeping on the bus is a one-way ticket
to having your face eaten off by a wild animal.
Good luck.
(whimsical music continues)
(Rachel gags)
(Rachel gasps)
- Hi, roomie!
(screams) Oh my god, I'm so glad they put me with someone.
All the double rooms were taken
because everyone already requested a roommate.
Even though, I was the first one to sign up for this trip,
so, plot twist!
Momma got a King bed!
(Rachel laughs)
Benefits of being unpopular!
Okay so, since we're gonna be up close and personal,
you know, sharing a bed, snuggle buddies,
for the night,
what time do you like to go to sleep at night?
I was thinking, I'd head in kinda early,
because then I can wake up early and feel like
fresh for the full day, of riding in the bus.
Then again, if you go to sleep later,
I can always go to sleep later, too,
so we're like, on the same sleep schedule,
like we're like, two girls in a coming of age story.
Yeah, no?
(they laugh awkwardly)
- Um, yeah, I don't have a preference.
- Oh, oh.
Oh-uh-oh baby, I don't have a preference either.
I'm truly fine with whenever.
Do you take your shower in the morning or at night?
- Usually-
- I typically like to take my shower at night,
because I feel like it's like rinsing the day off of you,
and I actually think it's better for your skin
if you get all of your sweat from the day off at night,
but, then again, you sweat when you sleep,
so I guess there's no real way to win
when it comes to showers.
And I'm just like, always going to be walking around
as a big, sweaty mess no matter when I bathe.
(laughing) I'm disgusting!
Pee-yew, Rachel stinks.
Do you think I stink?
I might, a little bit.
Oh, my god.
Are you friends with Jason Curtis?
- Um,
yeah I'm, no,
not to make it a big deal, but yeah, yeah,
he did like my,
my picture.
- Oh my god! Oh my god.
Well, what's he like?
I mean, his Pixapost is private,
so I can never see what he's posting.
But he seems like such an amazing guy.
Not to mention, sexy!
Makes me wet in my panties, if you know what I mean.
(Rachel laughs)
No actually, there's no double meaning there,
I just get wet when I look at him.
But I mean, he's the only Senior Class president
to have been voted in by the state election,
so like he must be incredible.
Do you guys hang out?
I always hear about his parties,
and each and every one sounds like they're something
you'll remember for the rest of your life,
even though they happen in high school.
Like a Great Gatsby gathering,
thrown by Jason Curtis.
But like, it doesn't really matter,
because he would never invite me.
I mean it's like,
Jason Curtis up here, "Roar, I am alpha, I am lion!"
And then it's like, Rachel Katz down here,
"Meow. Meow. I'm a pussy cat, meow."
I mean like, people at this school think I'm puke.
So that's me.
But you know what?
That's really special that he lets you follow him.
Bring it in.
- Oh!
(Kate laughs awkwardly)
Thank you, thank you.
Wait, oh my god.
- What?
- I think I might be an idiot.
- Why, why, why?
- We dissected a frog together
- A frog! - In the seventh grade
and he followed me then.
And he's probably been like in love with me
this entire time.
- Oh, my god!
Oh my god.
Wait, you don't think he'd ever let someone like me
follow him, right?
(Rachel laughs, snorts)
Please say he would.
- I'm gonna go get some ice.
- Oh, little mamma.
Little mamma, stop, stop.
I got ice, right over there.
- Yeah, um.
It's melted, I like mine crunchy.
- Oh, all ice is crunchy, you silly little goose!
If I didn't know any better,
I'd think you were trying to get away from me!
Ah, I'm Rachel, I'm a ghost, I'm scary!
So scary!
(Kate laughs nervously)
Oh, oh, bye!
(Rachel giggles)
Damn it, I think I'm in love with her.
Not again, Rachel.
Not again.
- [Aria] I dunno, it's just like weird.
- [Bogdan] He's not going to like you asking that.
- [Aria] Okay, well, I still want him to respond to me.
- [Bogdan] Jason Curtis is very busy man.
- [Aria] But, it's after me and Jason hooked up!
- [Bogdan] That is an overreact.
He was doing Linsmore college tour.
(Kate sneezes, gasps)
(dramatic music)
- [Aria] (gasps) We have to go somewhere else.
It's not safe here!
- [Bogdan] Okay.
- Faster! - Okay.
- [Aria] Hold your hat!
- [Bogdan] I go fast.
- Ew!
I was going to have Aria Goldman's sloppy seconds?
In no world did I want that.
Except, I guess, this world,
because this is the world with Jason Curtis.
I was sure she probably seduced him anyways.
He didn't even want to hook up with her.
But since he did, I guess I have to be like Aria now?
But also, better than Aria.
If you're not willing to change yourself completely
for a guy, I don't even know if it's love, right?
- Meow, meow.
(Rachel giggles)
Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
You caught me setting my alarm clock, meow.
But, come sit, I have big news.
- Okay.
- Roomie, roomie,
okay, get this,
a bunch of us are gonna go hang out by the pool.
(Rachel squeals)
- Oh, yay, you were invited to something?
- Yeah, well,
sort of, technically I got invited.
So, Luke and Conrad came down
and they basically invited everyone who wants to go,
and I guess that makes me everyone? Right?
Finally, am I right?
(Rachel laughs)
- Yeah, um, that sound really,
um, I should probably stay here and just work on
next week's homework. - Oh wait, no, shut your,
shut your sweet little lips, mouth.
No, I forgot to tell you, um
it was actually Luke and Conrad and
(Rachel drum rolls)
the sexy Jason Curtis.
- Wait, Jason Curtis was here?!
- He was here.
Jason Curtis was here.
- Well, like, maybe I'll just do next week's homework
next week!
(Rachel screams)
- Oh, okay, great, I'll see you down there, roomie.
I don't wanna miss out on the fun like I normally do,
so I'm gonna head down, do some laps around the pool,
and then I'll be expecting you,
for some big-ass cannonballs!
I love you!
(Kate giggles nervously)
- Wow.
And I'll be like, "Wait, what?
Wh-wh-what are you doing here?
You're on this trip, too?"
And he'll be like, "Yeah, I am."
And then I'll be like, "Oh, yeah, I mean duh,
it's like a whole senior class trip,
but also, what a small world."
"Hey, yeah, it's really cool that you're here.
Do you wanna like, make out in this pool?"
I'll be like, "Yeah, sure, Jason Curtis,
I'll like make out with you,
in this body of water or whatever.
No big deal."
"Your lips are magic, Kate.
- Yo, what up, we in the pool,
living our best life, with the baddies.
(dance music)
- Your lips are magic, Kate.
Your lips are magic, Kate.
You got this.
Just-just-just jump, don't even think.
Oh shit,
you have got to be kidding me.
(bright romantic music)
- Kate.
- I wanted to go to your pool party, I tried,
I promise.
- It's okay.
We missed you is all.
I like your picture.
The one you posted on Pixapost?
- You did?
- You looked so cute in it.
No, you looked beautiful.
(bright romantic music continues)
- Hey, bitch!
(Kate screams)
(Rachel screams)
(Rachel and Kate scream together)
- Kate!
Have breakfast with me.
- Um, actually, I think I'm just gonna have
like a light, power breakfast.
I read on it's not good
to have too full of a stomach early in the morning, so.
- Well, everyone's already at the restaurant,
across the street.
And everyone, everyone.
Come on, Kate!
(Country Western music)
Last year my cousin went to a gay club.
It was only straight people, La Concha Rosa.
She can get us in.
- Specifically, when and why
did you sink your harpie claws into him,
to make him let you ride his junk,
like the Guardians of the Galaxy ride
at Disneyland's California Adventure theme park?
- Where's Jason Curtis?
- It's crazy how obsessed you are with him.
He's already on the other bus,
he gets up early in the morning,
eats six raw eggs, and works out.
- I didn't want to confide in her,
but who else could I talk to?
In this moment, my friend was my enemy,
and my enemy was my friend.
And also my enemy was also my enemy.
I don't know if I wanna like him anymore.
It kinda makes me feel like I'm a crazy person.
- No, you're not, don't say that.
- I feel like,
you know those ropes that come out of the sides of the walls
at crossfit studios?
- The really hard ones you have shake like octopus arms?
- Yeah, those.
I feel those ropes, but a professional crossfitter
is just like, shaking me the whole time.
And the reason that's it's a professional crossfitter
shaking me is because,
like you said, those ropes are really hard,
and I can't imagine anyone else would have the stamina
to shake me for that long.
And I guess Jason Curtis is the wall.
- Is this metaphor supposed to make sense?
- I know that you all left your rooms last night.
Don't think that stuff doesn't get past me!
I saw the hashtags.
You all should hope that you didn't catch chlamydia
from the pool!
Now, you kids get back on that bus,
and don't expect to do any partying,
when you get to Cabo San Lucas.
- Okay well, um, I think we should get going.
- Well, I'm not ready yet!
(Country Western music)
- Okay I'm ready, let's go!
(French horn toots out of tune)
- Wow, fricking' finally.
Way to make the bus late again, Kate.
- Oh, sorry, that's for me.
- Why was it too much to ask to win at least once,
on this trip?
How was your night?
- Are you tryna ask me if I've had sex?
- No, no, I-
- Because I'm not telling you if I did or didn't
because it's none of your business.
- I'm your best friend.
- I don't think that's really an appropriate reason
to be asking such personal details abour my personal life.
Kate, I can't have this conversation right now.
- They make those in spicy cola flavor?
(whimsical music)
- Oh my god, you're not even wearing socks!
- What? You're not wearing like wearing socks, either, so?
- Ugh, come on, Kate!
You smell like a jock-strap porked a garbage can.
- Oh my god, what is that smell?
Did someone like die on this bus when we left school
and we're like just now realizing it?
- [Conrad] Oh god, oh god, she's a bitch,
she's a royal bitch.
You cannot be with her, oh my god.
- Aria did it and it was fine.
(whimsical music)
(dramatic music)
- Kate!
What does this text mean?
- Oh, um, I can't really like deal with text right now.
- Well, it's important.
Will Park just texted Olivia and she's freaking out.
- Uh, what does it say?
- "L-O-L, cool."
(playful music)
- Food science has gone too far.
- Kate, focus!
Okay, I wanna say Will likes you,
but three weeks ago it took him twenty-six minutes
to respond to your joke.
- Yeah I know, and those twenty-six minutes
were literally the longest of my life.
But like, I dunno,
because he told me he had to like help his dad
with like laundry, or something.
- Okay, then, what'd you say before that?
- I sent him a gif.
- Oh, uh, I think it's pronounced gif?
- It's gif!
Okay? My dad works in IT.
- Sorry.
- He likes you.
No wait.
He texted a fart gif,
and then right before that texted you a dog gif.
And if it would flipped, then I would definitely say yes,
but, I dunno.
- Oh my god, this is literally worse than Chernobyl!
- What do you think, Kate?
- Oh, um, I mean guys don't give you attention
unless they like you, so.
- Oh, um, I dunno if that's true,
'cause guys never talk to me, so.
(Rachel laughs)
- That's exactly her point.
- Can I see that?
Why would he send you something that could be anything?
- He's sick?
- You know what?
I'm just gonna text him.
I'm just gonna do it.
- [Aria And Emma] No!
- Are you insane?
You can't just like text the guy you like.
Then he'll know you like him back.
And who wants that?
- No, give me my phone back.
- No, if you try to take it, you're a fricking lesbo!
- You're going to fricking crush it with your tits!
(screams) oh my god! Please!
I'd rather just chop my head off
and stick it on a stick instead.
(romantic music)
- Oh, poor thing,
Olivia was completely losing it over Will Park
and he wasn't even that great.
I was just so lucky Jason Curtis and I
would never get like that once we started dating.
Which is totally gonna happen when we get to Cabo.
You know how the last part of the trip
always feels like the longest,
even though you have the shortest amount of time to go?
What are ya doin'?
My leg muscles are atrophying from sitting
for two fricking days.
- Aria!
Sit down before you crack your head open!
- Mom, not in front of everybody.
- I mean it!
This is a one-way ticket to a life-changing head injury.
- Stop controlling my life!
- Do you want to graduate
with a skull full of stitches?
Ruin your pretty face?
- Please.
- Sit down!
You kids would be dead without me.
- This is bullshit. I'm fricking eighteen years old.
I could be smoking right now.
- I mean, like, my mom can be a bitch, too.
- We all have moms, okay?
The other bus is stopping for some reason.
- Wait, what? Is everything okay?
- Yeah, they're getting gas.
Stop fricking doing that!
- I mean, they're flirting with you.
- Ugh, it's so annoying you don't know you're pretty.
- Oh, thanks, but I'm actually like,
I hate that everyone has stare at my ugly face all day.
- Achoo!
- Imbeciles!
- Oh, um, what's like going on with them though,
are they like pulling off the freeway now?
- Yeah, they're getting gas.
(tense music)
- Hi, I'm Kate, how are you?
Um, I-I am a senior at Trinity,
but um, next year,
I'm going to the Kenzer School of Art and Design.
Um, uh, I really like your seatbelt!
Okay, quick favor to ask you.
Can we stop at the next gas station?
That would like, really, really, help me out.
- No can do-zies.
When I became a bus driver,
I took a sacred oath to abide by the rules of the road.
I live by that oath, and I die by that oath.
- Oh, okay, uh, I understand that,
but like I really need this bus
to be at the next gas station,
and I'm like not kidding.
- Do you see this jacket?
This jacket means something.
I can't break the trust endowed onto me by said jacket
just because you're bored.
- Well, I'm,
I'm pregnant!
Uh, I dunno.
I need the bus to be at the next gas station, okay?
- [Bus Driver] Oh, hey, what are you doin'?
I don't have this situation under control.
(girl screams)
Mommy! Mommy!
(all scream)
(truck horn blares)
(bus crashes)
- I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean that.
But also, you know I didn't directly cause this crash,
Like, technically, you were the one driving, so.
- My career is over.
- Okay, so they're not stopping for gas.
Turns out someone just farted and I got confused.
- Crash and farts?
(sighs) My boss is gonna kill me.
- [Aria] I think somebody's dead.
- Dang.
This is bad.
- Okay, okay, please, please,
please do not run off, while we inspect the damages!
I'm serious!
A woman was murdered on the side of the road in 1988!
(students murmur)
Yes this is very bad!
Okay yeah, I know that.
- Okay, I know I'm acting like an asshole,
but in my defense, I'm totally justified because I'm upset.
- Jesus, as it's not bad enough
I'm sitting next to Chlamydia Kate the entire trip.
- I was sixty percent mad that was how they really felt,
thirty percent not surprised they were talking shit,
eight percent flattered that they thought I had had sex,
two percent insulted they thought it resulted in chlamydia.
- It's my fault, I should've sat next to you,
I just thought you were saving the seat for your feet.
- I was.
Okay, I wasn't gonna tell you guys this but,
Jason Curtis liked one of Kate's photos.
(Olivia gasps)
- No!
Oh my god, she's such a bitch!
- Yeah, that's why I've been
keeping my enemies closer than my friends.
(wrapper rustles)
Oh my god , that's so loud, stop.
- Sorry, I just, I haven't eaten in four hours
and my doctor said I need to replenish.
I wish I was like a robot,
so I wouldn't have to eat all the time.
Anyways, next hotel, we have to make sure
she doesn't try to stay with us again.
- Wow.
- Remember in tenth grade
when she walked around with period down her back
because she didn't know and nobody told her?
- She's literally so sad,
like I've literally never met anyone sadder.
- Those bitches!
- Once this trip is over,
I'm gonna flush her like the tampon
she should've worn in tenth grade.
- I don't think you can flush tampons.
- Oh my god, I know that!
God, I hate everybody in this grade.
I didn't mean you.
- [Kate] By the end of senior year,
everyone secretly wishes
that everyone else would get murdered,
even your best friends.
Especially your best friends.
The more mysterious and not connected to you, the better.
(Matt and Hannah giggle)
- Can you like, give us a second?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Thanks.
- I really hate that this all happened.
We should be in our hotel beds right now.
- Or, like, sitting at the hotel bar,
tricking them into letting us drink.
Like on that cruise with your parents.
That was so fun.
- It was so fun.
And he made us Cuban Libres so we'd shut up,
and he didn't even put rum in it,
but somehow we still acted like we were drunk.
(Kate and Hannah giggle)
- And, I dunno, like maybe
Jason Curtis would be at the hotel bar?
I mean like, what do you think he'd smell like?
'Cause I'm thinking it'd be a mix between like
Old Spice and sweat, but like rugged sweat,
like, the kind that still smells good, you know?
- Nothing
- What?
- I dunno, it's just,
I feel like you're putting all your hopes,
into someone who couldn't possibly
live up to your expectations.
- I mean, like, you don't, you don't know him, so.
- And you do?
Kate, when was the last time you talked to him?
- Well, it's not that easy.
- Actually, yes it is.
I have a boyfriend, and I actually talk to him.
- Well, it's different with your crush,
you can't just like go up to them and say, "Hi."
- Okay, when did you take your insides
and then fill them up full of shit?
- Why am I like listening to someone
who's dad is only a doctor?
- God, you sound just like Aria.
You know what, your parents can't even afford this school!
- Well, that won't matter when
Jason Curtis and I get married.
- When are you gonna realize
that he's not gonna do it for you?
Okay, you're enough. And when was the last time
you even worked on the yearbook art?
- Oh, okay, nag much?
- All I'm saying is,
I feel like you're putting all of your focus
onto Jason Curtis
because you're afraid to fail at your dream.
- You know what, you are, you are just like
so different ever since you got
your stupid little boyfriend.
Which, wow by the way, that's like really fast for a label.
- And you're different now that you're all
best friends with Aria.
- I mean, like, you don't spend time with me anymore.
It's like you can only choose between me and Matt,
because you have a finite amount of time.
- Of course I have a finite amount of time, Kate.
That's how time works.
- Okay, well then go spend it with your stupid boyfriend
and his smooth balls and angular dick.
- You know, you weren't even invited to the toga party.
Matt Spenser was, and you weren't!
- Only your best friends know how to be colder than dry ice.
Shut up, you don't mean that.
- You had to look up the photo using hashtags.
Just like Rachel Katz.
- You're dead to me!
- [Hannah] I'm glad I'm dead!
- I didn't even want to go to Cabo anymore,
I didn't even wanna like Jason Curtis.
But in both cases I had gone too far,
and there was no turning back.
- There you are! The bus is fixed!
- Just leave me here to die
and let my carcass serve as a warning
to everyone who's ever dared to love.
- What was that?
- I'm getting on, okay?
Can you just like, give me a break?
- Kate.
Something's going on with you.
Are you doing that
meth suppository?
- What?
- Somebody posted about in my parenting Facebook group.
There's a viral PowerPoint going around,
teaching kids how to make methamphetamine suppositories.
And do you know who started the PowerPoint?
A pedophile.
- I wish I was on drugs. It would be so much easier than
everything I'm dealing with right now.
- It's a boy,
isn't it?
- How did you know?
- Boys are a one-way ticket
to getting pregnant in the back of a convertible,
and then getting into an accident
because he's texting and driving too fast.
- I just, I love him so much,
it's gone completely past the point of love,
and moved on to hate.
I hate-love him.
- When I was in high school, there was this guy.
Cody Evans.
His eyes were so blue that I thought that I'd drown in them.
I got so caught up in him,
that my life became a disaster.
But those eyes, though.
I've got an idea.
Did you try, not liking him?
- Yeah, thanks.
I'll consider not being ruled by my feelings and emotions.
- Oh, it is so refreshing to hear that.
(Kelly laughs)
Now let's get back on that bus
before we catch deadly pneumonia from the cold.
Also, I think that that's poo.
That's poo.
I don't know from what.
Oh god, the coyotes.
Oh my god.
- All right, start getting on the bus.
Come on, troops, single file line.
get on-
Get on the bus!
- Everybody get on the bus!
What are you doing?
- I don't know they're not listening to me.
- Well, you're not very inspiring.
You're terrible at your job.
Get on the bus! Get on the bus!
Kate, will you hurry up?!
Now you get on the bus!
(slow jazzy music)
- Ugh, whatever.
They were all going to love me
once I was Jason Curtis's girlfriend, right?
- For the love of god, Kate, just pick a seat
so we can leave!
(French horn toots out of tune)
- Clearly you kids cannot be trusted
with visiting a foreign country.
So, guess what?
I talked to your principal,
and Cabo is
(kids cry out disappointment)
- [Aria] Mom! Bullshit!
- We are spending the night here
and then it is straight home tomorrow,
right after breakfast.
(kids cry out)
Okay fine, then just straight home tomorrow, then,
no breakfast.
Right, oh, everyone gets real quiet.
Real quiet.
(French horn toots)
(whimsical music)
- [Aria] Mom, open it.
(Aria grunts)
- [Kate] I didn't know what to do with myself.
I guess I just fling myself off the roof of the Holiday Inn?
I knew I couldn't actually hurt myself,
so I had to fix things.
If that was even possible.
I guess, when things are at their lowest point,
you still have to trudge through.
It's the sick joke of life.
It won't let you quit.
Hey, roomies, hey!
- [Aria] You can't room with us, sorry.
- Oh, no, no, no, I already talked to your mom,
and she said that we could get a cot from the desk,
and, um, yeah, it's already settled.
Your Periodic Limb Movement Disorder is no match for me.
(Aria laughs)
- Yay! Funsies!
- [All] Yay!
- Yay.
- Yay!
When our room is ready,
we're getting room service.
And I'm gonna make sure it's free.
- Oh I dunno how you guys can eat.
My stomach is so full of knots,
anything I would put in it,
I'd just barf right back up.
- I would hate it if I felt like you were going to vomit.
Just the thought of it makes me want to vomit.
- Ew.
- Figuratively.
You guys, I mean figuratively.
- Aria, my main man.
American high five.
- It's just a regular high five.
You don't need to say it's "American."
- There's sick party in Jason Curtis's hotel room.
Come follow me, come, come.
Drinks first, luggage later.
Come on, come on, let's rock the house, man!
Is that how you say it?
Rock the house?
- Bogdan, no, it's "get your rocks off."
- Let's get my rocks off!
- No, no, no, no, no, don't say that,
it sounds like really, really bad,
so just like don't say that.
So, is Jason Curtis going to be at this party?
- Yeah, my American friend!
He's so amazing.
He's shown me so many good things,
in the good old U.S. of A.!
- People don't say that.
- They all just drink beers,
drive 'round and talk about life, man.
- Wait, you guys drink and drive?
That's kinda like-
- Da.
- I dunno that's like, kinda wrong.
- Okay.
Hello everybody.
Woohoo! Spring break!
Go wild, girls!
(Aria screams)
Hello everybody!
- Ugh, Luke.
What? Are you gonna like make a joke about my tits?
Or talk about your gonads?
What now?
- I just dunno how to talk to you, okay?
- I know what you're thinking, but no.
Luke didn't have a crush on me.
I mean, he made fun of me all the time,
so there's no way.
Anyways, back to my destiny.
(hip hop music)
Might of said I love her but I never made a promise
I should be ashamed and I've said it to a few birds
Made them think that they was mine Get 'em new purse
And attention
It got to they head quick
Will I ever learn
That a good question
Damn, a lotta pressure so I gotta pop
And I love it like Icona Pop, sorry that y'all gotta watch
- Yo, ladies!
Welcome to my hotel room.
A.K.A. El Casa du Jason
for just this trip, just this trip.
(girls giggle)
- On top of it all, you speak Spanish?
- Just the Spanish I learnt from
Frat House 4: Tijuana Titties.
- Oh my god, you observe things so you learn things?
Is there anything you can't do?
- Last time I checked,
(girls laugh)
What would you ladies think if I like
bleached my beard,
but also grew a beard first?
Wouldn't it be so tight if I had a beard
and it was the same color as my skin?
- That would be so hot, Jason.
- Jason!
I feel like I've been trying to see you this whole trip.
Why're you being so distant?
- Babe, you know that road trips,
they take a lot out of me.
- Yeah, I know!
Are you okay?
- No, no!
What happened between her and Jason Curtis
ended when it started.
- Anyways, now that you're feeling better,
I think we should get out of here?
I know it's your hotel room, but it's just a little crowded.
- Get out of here, and?
- And do what we did after homecoming.
- I knew it!
The bitch sabotaged me on purpose.
I crashed and burned, and she was the one with the match.
Also, what's something that would make you crash?
Like, like she was driving another car into me.
- Aria, no!
Look, we hooked up once,
and that was-
- Twice, Jason! We hooked up twice.
- Whatever! That doesn't mean text me this whole trip!
- You keep texting me!
You keep on leading me on!
I wouldn't think we could be together,
if you didn't make me think we could be together!
(Jason imitates Aria)
- Shut up, Aria.
Before for you get beep-booped.
Boom, JC out!
(Aria sobs)
- Aria was a casualty of Jason Curtis and his charm,
mistakenly believing
that she could be the one who's different.
Dumb idiot.
What? Like I'm not going to take my moment?
Maybe he was just being awful to Aria because she sucked?
- Oh, sorry, sorry, I didn't know anyone was out here, so,
I'll go.
- No, stay.
(hip hop music plays)
- Every time you are aware of my existence,
I freak out a little.
- Of course I know who you are.
Our school is only like, twelve people.
- Cool.
- I'm just so bummed we never got to like
hang out or whatever.
I always thought we could be two people who could like,
- Yeah.
Yeah, same.
We could like totally connect.
- Why did it take us so long,
to be here our here,
on this patio?
- You, you know, we're um,
we're both gonna be in Rhode Island next year.
Since I'm going to Kenzer,
and you'll be at Linsmore.
- Linsmore?
- Yeah. Your college?
- Oh, right! Yeah, yeah, yeah, my dad got me in.
Legacy or some shit.
- Um,
this may be like, I dunno, totally lame, um
do you,
uh, do you want this?
- What is that?
- Um, it's the sketch, from the photo that you liked.
- Huh?
- Um, a couple days ago.
Before we left.
You liked a photo of me, holding this.
- Yo!
That might have been my butt.
I don't really like people's shit.
- Oh.
I thought you liked it.
- Hey, wait.
I do like it, Hannah.
- I'm Kate.
- Oh, you two, you're always together, and,
I dunno, me and the boys, we all have a bet,
if you two would do a three way.
- Wait.
How can you know you like it, if you've never seen it,
and what? Like, a three way?
- You are talking way too too much.
I don't want to know you like that.
I want to know you like this.
(Jason belches)
- I'm cold.
- Oh, girl.
Let me warm you up.
- He smelt like sweat alright,
but not the kind that smells good.
Thank you.
- No doubt.
Where you going?
- Inside.
And also, Hannah would never have a three way with you.
She's not like that.
She is the only person in this shit hole
with class.
I fully include myself as part of that shit hole.
- So you'd still do the three way?
I'll probably still close tonight.
Yo, where is Bogdan at?!
- What are you doing?
- Well, I was gonna go in there and redeem myself
because if they thought I had smooth balls before,
wait 'til they see them now!
It doesn't sound as good when I say it out loud.
Just, don't tell Hannah, please.
Forget you saw anything, just forget it all.
Thank you! Bye.
(melancholy music)
- Did you know that Aria had never had a boyfriend?
That guys only wanted to hook up with her
because she was pretty,
but never date her?
And that it wasn't because she was a bitch.
She was a pushover around guys if anything.
Or that her mom and dad had been sleeping in separate beds
for four years?
And they'd break up a week after we graduated?
I didn't, until that night.
(melancholy music continues)
(birds chirp)
- [Kelly] All right, all right, you have,
hey, hey!
Yu have one hour before breakfast,
and then it's back on the bus!
Okay, let's go, come on, come on.
- Hi,
um, can we talk?
I feel like maybe we might have said some things we
I have something like I really wanna get off my chest.
- She doesn't wanna talk to you, Kate.
- Oh, I didn't know you knew words, Matt.
- You know what, FYI,
my penis is normal, okay?
There was just a shadow on the photo that everyone saw.
But if would have seen it,
and compared it to everyone else who was changing,
you would know-
- It's a regular penis. - No, I know.
- It's a regular shape penis.
- Kate's never seen a penis, so.
- Well, I had something like important to say,
but fine!
(mysterious music)
- Hey Kate!
You a narc?
- Excuse me?
Are you doing butt drugs?
- It gets you a better high,
because the lining of your colon,
it's more absorbient.
There's a PowerPoint on it, Kate!
- Da, absorbient.
Go, go, go.
Come on, come on.
- Oh,
(Bogdan laughs)
(Jason laughs)
- Woo! I love America.
(funky music)
- I wanted to stay in that diner parking lot,
change my name, and start a new life.
But I would've gotten in trouble,
so I got on the bus to go home.
Kill me now.
- Wait!
Wait, wait, wait!
That bus has to open.
- Uh-uh, this bus is full.
Go to the other one.
But, wait, but,
Jason Curtis is on this bus!
- [Kelly] Well maybe you'll find the rest of your shirt
on the other bus!
- What!
- Who's that?
Is that your girlfriend?
- No, it's this girl who's like, all into me.
- Wow.
Well you should probably like, put your phone away
because you might get car sick.
(Jason groans, his stomach gurgles)
You are the captain of the football team,
you should definitely be able to handle motion better.
- No, they made me quit, I got too many concussions.
Oh yeah, yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
- No, not on me!
- No! Not on me!
- No, no, no! - I'm gonna throw up!
- Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
If you weren't on fricking' butt drugs
maybe you wouldn't've puked on me!
(buzzer sounds)
- Did someone say butt drugs?!
- No, he is not!
He is a perfect angel who would never do anything wrong.
- I saw him put them inside his asshole!
- Kate! Language.
- And then I saw him fart on Bogdan,
so Bogdan could breathe in the THC,
but really I think he just wanted to fart on Bogdan.
- Jason Curtis farted on you?
God, you're so lucky.
- Okay, we are getting off this bus, right now!
Ugh, Kate, I hate you!
- Well good, because I hate you too!
Actually, I hate all of you!
- Uh, we don't care, Kate, sit down.
- I am not going to sit down.
I am so done with you guys.
Actually, I am so done with this whole school.
Jason Curtis just vomited on me, because he's an idiot,
and nobody says anything!
You guys just like let it slide, because
he is so crazy fine.
This could be you!
You could be covered in throw up!
- It's senior year,
everybody hates everybody,
we just waited 'til May to say it!
So sit down!
- You sit down!
- You sit down! - Sit down!
- I will get Penelope!
- Sit down, right now!
- Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate!
You actually need to sit down for safety reasons!
- Okay, sorry.
- What are you high from his butt?!
(Bogdan laughing)
Oh great, great!
Look at the pinata.
(Jason belches)
(whimsical music)
- I would murder you, if it weren't illegal.
I mean that.
- I am friends with your mother.
And believe me, she's gonna hear about this!
So? She doesn't give a shit about me.
She's always in L.A. getting her boobs done,
and cheating on my dad.
- And when we get back to school,
I will strongly recommend your expulsion!
- Ooh, the horror! The horror!
- Stand back in that line.
Stop giggling.
It's not funny.
- Ma'am, respectfully,
I'm kinda turned on by you right now.
- High as a kite.
That's what I'm getting right now,
high as a kite.
- Full staff.
- I don't have words,
for my level of disgustedness!
- [Kate] Okay, I get that you can't go around
wishing people are dead,
just because you don't like them,
but Jason Curtis was dead.
(thoughtful music)
I didn't talk to Hannah for the rest of the school year.
- Hey, thanks for ruining the trip again.
Sleep with one eye open.
- Hey, Kate?
I'm really sorry Jason threw up
all over your yearbook stuff.
- It's not the worst thing to happen on this trip, so.
- I'm sorry I tried to sabotage you.
You know like feminists say,
we shouldn't compete for guys.
And if we're doing that,
you know, what did Gloria Steinem even die for?
- Oh, she like not-
- But I really, totally get it now.
- Yeah, especially when he wasn't worth it.
- Also, about your drawings,
I think I have an idea.
(uplifting music)
(Ms. Perez laughs)
- Aria and I still text.
Oh wait, actually,
I saw Hannah two weeks after we graduated.
Matt broke up with her a few days before.
The whole school found out about it,
it kinda sucked.
- I thought you worked at the coffee shop across the street?
- Wanna sit?
- Sure.
- Um, I treated you like a jerk.
Jason Curtis, he made me feel like I was going nuts.
- Look you know what you did wrong, okay,
you really don't need to harp on it.
- No, I should've just like realized
that my life was enough.
Because I was happy.
- It's just this breakup was really hard on me,
'cause I didn't have anyone to lean on.
So, that was the hardest part.
- I am so stupid.
It wasn't the guy.
It was me.
I just, I didn't feel like
I had a choice in loving Jason Curtis.
But I guess I always had a choice in how I acted to you, so.
- Look, don't call yourself stupid.
Just, like,
be better next time.
Anyway, I have been dying to tell you.
Matt's penis
is weirder than it looks in the photos.
Yes, it's like square somehow.
- Oh my god, I literally knew it!
Mm, I kinda feel bad, actually.
Like, this is definitely the kind of thing
people are still gonna be talking about in twenty years.
Like, maybe we should not gossip?
But also, Will Park hooked up with Emma Daniels at prom.
Like, Emma, not Olivia.
- What?
No, I though he was dating Olivia?
- Yeah, sorta, it was like this whole thing.
So, Will Park and Olivia went on a few dates.
Wait, remember when Emma had that like full-blown meltdown
- in math class? - Oh, absolutely, absolutely.
- [Kate] Hannah and I went to different colleges.
We talk sometimes, but not as much as we used to.
She's all busy with nursing school.
Plus it feels like we're just becoming different.
And then I found out
that Jason Curtis's dad pulled some strings
so Jason could still go to college,
even though he was expelled from high school,
and then guess what?
- [Both girls] What?
- Jason Curtis dropped out,
and started selling cars with his half-cousin.
- [Both girls] Ew.
- Yeah, it's terrible.
- Oh, great.
That guy just texted me,
he's going home.
Thanks a billion, Kate.
- So what? Just text him later that you wanna meet up.
- Really?
- Yeah, but like, in a couple days
so he doesn't think you're a psycho.
- [Nellie] Okay, fine. - Don't wait too long though,
'cause then he's gonna think you're a slut,
it has to be 48 hours.
Not like 48 hours on the dot or anything,
then he's gonna think you're like weird.
- Yeah.
- Oh my god, I love this song!
- Okay, come on, let's go. - Oh my god, we're going.
(funky music)
So fresh so new
Its all for you
Keep your ear to the ground
Talkin 'bout freedom
It's the best show in town