Dad's Army (2016) Movie Script
1
Lundt, sir.
He's back. Do we pick him up?
There'll be a contact. I want both.
Very good, sir.
What now?
We wait.
For his contact.
Christ!
There is no contact.
-Lundt! Mi5!
-Don't move!
If it reaches the coast,
we've lost the bloody war.
-Ah! Oh.
-Oh.
Blimey, Joe.
How'd you do that, then?
Oh, you know me.
Charm the birds from the trees.
Nice shot, boys.
-How many?
-Six.
Two Bob the lot. Now hop it.
Ugh!
-What's the matter with you?
-Oh.
Finest British protein, that is.
Off-rations for jonesy.
Come on, daph.
Give us a cuddle.
- Joe! Joe!
- Oh, blimey!
Can't you see
I'm in the middle of something?
You're wanted in barton's field!
They've found him!
I'm too young to die.
Do be quiet, frank.
And I'm too old.
Hold your nerve, men.
Keep low.
Godfrey, can't you go any lower?
I'll try to, sir,
but I'm not sure I'll be able to get up again.
I glimpsed him, sir,
just up ahead.
Good work, Jones.
He's been on the run.
He'll be tired and hungry.
Try and take him alive,
but if he won't come quietly,
you know what to do.
They don't like it, sir.
- They don't like it.
- Quiet, Jones!
Uh...
Follow me.
Wait for my command.
There he is, sir.
Stand your ground, men.
Jones.
Very slowly,
pass me the halter.
Jones?
Very slowly... Jones.
Jones?
There's a good bull.
Eh. Good bull.
Wilson, do something!
Do what, sir?
Anything!
Just do something!
Godfrey!
Ole. Ole.
Follow me.
Okay, now. Sit. Sit.
He's licking his lips.
He's licking his lips!
Uncle Arthur!
Frank,
pull yourself together!
Behind you, sir,
behind you!
Yes. Help!
Go on, Cedric!
Thank you!
Another successful operation.
Are you out of your tiny, wee mind?
We're supposed to be
locking horns with the hun,
not bertie the bull.
Yes, well, until that day comes, frazer,
we must remain sharp.
- Ah!
- What, like you, for instance?
I thought he was
gonna eat me, uncle Arthur.
Men.
My whole life just
flashed before my eyes.
Men.
Let's get you home.
You never know
when Jerry might strike.
Who do you
think you are kidding, Mr. Churchill?
Attention to detail, ladies!
The sooner we get the wounded
back on their feet,
the sooner
we shall win this war.
How's that, George?
It's really rather painful, dear.
It's your own fault.
You stood on a land mine.
Up a bit.
You've been shot
in the leg, Joe.
I know, but it goes
all the way up to my...
Hold still, you big baby!
I'll not take much more of this.
First, I'm bull bait,
now I'm long John silver!
-Lift your arm, Mr. Godfrey.
-All right.
You've been
shot in the chest.
Have I? Oh, dear.
-Will I be all right?
-Yes.
Wonderful sights.
Man and woman
united in common cause.
Thanks to us.
I don't know
what we'd do without them.
- Captain mainwaring.
- Mmm?
Ah!
Morning, vicar.
Telephone for you.
And the Morris dancers
have booked the hall for 1:00.
I do hope
you're not going to run over.
There is a war on,
you know, vicar.
If we're not finished,
they'll just have to prance about outside.
Mainwaring.
You'll have to speak up.
Colonel theakes, here.
Morning, sir.
Not another bull, is it?
Just had brigadier pritchard
on the blower from hq.
It's all hands on deck.
And how are you today,
Mr. Godfrey?
I've been shot
in the chest, you know.
Have you really?
Well, a nice spot of tea
will do you the world of good.
Oh.
This is a waste of time.
I should be going to France
with the rest of them.
Oh, it's not your fault
you've got flat feet.
People think I'm a boy.
I'm not. I'm a man.
Tea's up.
Ooh, cake!
Bagsy the pink one!
And you know
what he's like.
If he don't get
three square meals a day in him, he cries.
Mainwaring?
Frank. You're not listening, Arthur.
He's taking Vera
to the pictures again tonight.
He's quite smitten with her, he is.
You want some?
Oh.
You might pop around.
I've got a rather
nice pigeon off-rations from Walker.
Oh, it's your favorite bird.
I don't know about that.
Oh, stop it, Arthur.
Listen, men. Listen.
I have excellent news.
Colonel theakes has
given us a new mission.
What is it this time?
Wash his car? Feed his horses?
There's a line in the sand, mainwaring,
and you've crossed it.
He's asked us to patrol
the allied invasion base at Dover.
- Good heavens.
- Blimey.
This is it, men.
Our chance to play
a real part in this war.
At last, captain.
We're champing at our bits, aren't we, lads?
In the meantime,
we shall get back on the downs
for camouflage practice.
Into the Van, men,
at the double.
Did he say cauliflower?
-No, no, camouflage.
-Camouflage.
-Camouflage. Okay.
-Try to listen.
Now, this is just what
the men need, Wilson.
Yes, yes, thank you, Jones.
Thank you, thank you.
Yes, they've been
dragging their feet a bit lately.
Yes, they have been a bit lax.
There's no need
for Latin, Wilson.
If the king's English is good enough
for him, it's good enough for you.
You're not at
Cambridge now, you know.
Oxford, actually, sir.
In the light of
the forthcoming mission,
we shall adapt
today's exercise.
One of the men
shall be a Nazi spy.
We'll drop him off
at the crossroads.
Are you sure that's wise, sir?
Meanwhile, we shall lie in wait
and attempt to intercept him.
Lying in wait
sounds awfully damp, don't you think, sir?
Pull over, Jones.
Pull over, Jones.
Pulling over, sir.
I want
a word with you, Wilson.
How dare you question
my authority in front of the men?
Well, I just don't want
anyone catching a cold.
You know what frank's like.
Are we nearly there yet?
As you were, pike.
You're trying to undermine me,
usurp my position.
I'm really doing
nothing of the kind.
Hurry up.
Godfrey's gotta go.
Yes, well,
it won't work, you know.
These pips say it all.
You waft along with that
superior look on your face.
No backbone,
that's your trouble.
Well, I'm not sure
that's entirely fair.
Really? Well, here's
your chance to prove it.
You're our Nazi for the day.
- Really?
- Auf wiedersehen, Mr. Wilson.
Very good, men.
Breaking up the outline.
You're not taking this seriously,
are you, Walker?
How'd you know it was me?
No, thank you, pike.
Ah!
You put some
thought into this, Jones.
Thank you, captain.
Mrs. fox lent it me
from last year's production of Robin hood.
I'm a tiny bit
of Sherwood forest.
Ah...
Godfrey?
You look like
you're on a cruise to the south seas.
Thank you so much, sir.
That's very kind of you.
I got the idea from a picture
i saw last week, south of pago pago.
I thought it was
rather open air.
Take it off.
Captain, might I be excused, please?
Certainly not.
Now, listen, men.
Sergeant Wilson's mission
is to reach our flag undetected.
So, we all need
to keep our eyes peeled at all times.
Listen! Something's coming.
If I know Wilson,
he'll have charmed his way into a lift.
Conceal yourselves, men.
Wait for my signal.
Oh.
What's up, Mr. Godfrey?
Ah...
Oh...
Good lord.
At the double, men!
Halt, Nazi spy, or get all shot.
Madam, I'm most terribly sorry.
I thought I saw a tree move.
I had to, captain.
Mr. Godfrey wanted to
use me as a convenience.
I'm afraid my call of nature
called rather loudly.
I fear we mistook you
for a Nazi spy.
Yes, thank you, Walker.
Miss winters,
associated press.
Captain mainwaring,
walmington home guard.
What a coincidence.
I'm doing an article
on the home guard of walmington-on-sea.
For the lady magazine.
Us? In a real magazine?
We're going up
in the world, lads.
Well, you come
highly recommended.
Yes, well,
i certainly like to think
we'd give Jerry
a run for his money.
You've joined us in mid-operation.
We're on the lookout for a spy.
But don't worry,
we'll catch him.
Not much gets past us,
i can tell you.
Uh...
You're nasty.
Would you like a stab?
Permission to speak, sir.
-What is it, Jones?
-Well, this bag.
It doesn't exactly
bring my blood to the boil.
Well, I could stand
behind if you like. I speak a little German.
Is that true, Godfrey?
Shall have to keep an eye on him.
Yes, one of my
nannies was from leipzig.
Beautiful woman.
Greta, her name was.
All right, all right,
get behind the sack!
Now, incense me
in the Nazi tongue.
You Nazi pig dog, you!
I strike you thusly!
And thusly!
Excellent, Jones.
Hey,
don't put your back out, mind.
What did you say, Godfrey?
What? What, sir?
I said,
"have you brushed your teeth, my angel?"
You see, I never used to
like brushing my own teeth.
All right, Godfrey.
All right, all right.
She would do it
for me, sometimes.
Yes, all right.
Thank you, Godfrey.
Carry on, corporal.
Very good, Godfrey.
All right, men.
Assume position!
First group, ready!
And charge!
Second group, ready!
It's a privilege
to watch you all.
Ah...
They're a decent bunch.
We do what we can.
They'd clearly do
anything for you.
Must be that smile.
Where on earth has
my sergeant got to?
Anyone for honey?
-Wilson?
-It is, actually, sir.
How the dickens
did you evade that...
I do believe I won
the exercise, sir.
You did nothing
of the sort, not dressed like that.
You're disqualified.
I thought I was
being resourceful.
You were being
devious and underhand.
It's no way for
a spy to behave.
Rose?
It can't be!
Arthur?
What a remarkable thing.
I'm sorry, captain.
Mr. Wilson was my tutor at Oxford.
Remarkable.
Uh...
Wilson, take the men home.
I shall be driving
miss winters up to Sully point.
Oh, might I, sir?
-We have such a great deal to catch up on.
-Certainly not.
Oh, captain, please, I insist.
I've taken up far
too much of your time.
Well, if that's what you'd prefer.
Wilson.
-Shall we?
-My earring.
My earring,
I've dropped it. It's very precious.
-Fan out, men. Fan out.
-Oh, no.
Earring alert.
Earring alert.
I absolutely must find it.
Earring!
Fan out! Earring!
What are we
looking for exactly?
Earring! Earring!
Earring alert.
Fan out, men.
Oh, I've got it.
Here it is. Here it is.
- I'm frank.
- Well done, pike.
-Frank pike.
-Oh, my knight in shining armor.
Ooh.
Well, I look forward to getting to know
you more in the coming days.
England can sleep soundly
knowing that you're watching over her.
-Sir.
-Thank you.
Bye-bye.
- Cheerio.
- Bye.
Is that everything?
-Ah. Allow me.
-Oh, no, it's...
-No, it's...
-It's my, it's my...
-No, I'll, I'll...
-It's my typewriter.
-Oh.
-I want to get a start on the article.
First impressions,
you understand.
Hmm.
Might we have tea tomorrow?
Say 5:00?
Well, that would be...
Oh, no, there's a briefing
on some patrol thingy.
-Patrol?
-Yes, of the Dover base.
Dinner afterwards, then?
There must be
somewhere in town.
Well, yes,
there's the oak hotel, but...
7:00. I insist.
Right. Yes.
How nice. Thank you, rose.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Oh.
I want you to have
a word with frank.
He's got it into his head
he wants to be a spitfire pilot.
He gets dizzy
standing on a chair.
Well, he lives in his head,
that's his trouble.
Ah.
Must have been a racer.
Where do you keep your...
He told me about
that journalist woman.
Arthur?
Shall I roll out the pastry?
Frank said
you drove her home.
Did I?
Oh, yes, that's right,
i believe I did.
Ever so glamorous, frank said.
Really? I hadn't noticed.
Just you remember
which side your bread's buttered.
Pass me that bird.
Here you go.
Thank you for taking me
to the pictures again, frank. It was...
It was ever so romantic.
Thanks for
walking me home.
Mum doesn't like me
being out after dark.
Ooh.
What're you doing?
Kissing you.
What's wrong with that?
People only kiss
like that in the films!
That's what you think.
Morning, miss winters.
Corporal Jones.
A butcher by trade.
But a soldier by nature, ma'am.
More notches on my rifle
than you've had hot dinners.
Not that you've had
too many hot dinners.
You've a fine fettle
of a figure, if I may say.
Here.
Welcome to walmington.
Thank you, Mr. Jones.
Good day.
I saw that, Jack Jones.
You just slipped her a sausage.
I didn't mean nothing by it.
And you never stamped
her book, neither.
Good morning.
Lovely morning.
Quite, quite lovely.
Daphne longfoot.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Rose. Rose winters.
You look busy, mister...
Frazer. Frazer.
Yes, well,
with the invasion any day now,
I expect business
to be brisk.
Yes.
Private Walker.
Call me Joe.
Very young for the home guard, Joe.
Didn't you enlist?
Color blind.
-Oh.
-Thought it was an allergy to corned beef.
Yeah, that and all.
All right, lads?
You need anything
for that article of yours, miss winters,
foolscap, ribbons,
you just let me know.
Will do.
Bonny, bonny lass.
William Hodges, ma'am,
air-raid warden.
Of course, it's me you
should be talking to, not the home guard.
I'm the one who gets
things done around here.
-Gas masks, air-raid warnings...
-We are in your debt.
I'm rushed off me feet.
-Cheerio.
-Ta-ta.
Look at the color, the cut.
I'm telling you, it's Chanel.
I'd know it anywhere.
Chanel in walmington?
She seems
ever so interested in hearing about
your brother's cabbages,
miss Godfrey.
She seems most civilized.
They said that about the ripper.
I won the war
against snails this year.
Salt, that's the answer.
Salt?
Carry on.
She'll be taking our men next.
Mr. sponge said she
kissed your frank, and not on the cheek.
I'd look closer to home
if I was you, Mrs. fox.
She had a big smile
on her face
when she came out
that butcher's just now.
What's that
supposed to mean?
Handsome woman.
Is she?
Wouldn't know.
Seems a good sort.
To be writing about us, I mean.
Seeing her again after
so long is really rather discombobulating.
Well, you know, confusing.
Yes, I know what discombob...
Discombobu...
I know what it means, Wilson.
So, you knew her at Oxford.
I was her tutor for a while.
But you two weren't...
Weren't...
Well, it looked
like maybe you were...
Were...
Or had been, you know.
Hmm?
Oh.
That? No! No, no, no.
-Good lord, no.
-Jolly good.
Important we're clear.
Parade at 6:00. Don't be late.
- Morning.
- Good morning.
Take these
through to the cashier, would you, Wilson?
Certainly, sir.
What are you doing, pike?
Stupid...
Platoon, fall in!
Platoon, right turn!
Two, three, one!
By the left.
Quick march!
Uh...
Mr. frazer,
Mr. Godfrey, about turn!
Sorry, everyone.
Platoon, right turn!
Now, miss winters,
may I say,
you do look lovely tonight.
I beg your pardon.
Ah!
Colonel.
I didn't mean you look lovely.
No, no, no,
of course not. Far from it.
Not that you look unlovely.
I'm sure to many you are lovely.
Not really my area.
About the patrol.
Ah. Yes, a great honor.
Sergeant Wilson
will be here any moment for your briefing.
We'll crack on without him.
Golf club do. Wife in the car.
Your orders are simple, mainwaring.
You're to stick
to the coastal path at all times.
Do not approach
the base in any way. Understood?
Not approach the base?
But surely we need...
Are you questioning
an order, mainwaring?
As you know,
the home guard have been asked for cuts
to help with
the big push into France.
Has it?
We'll be reviewing the troops.
Sorting the wheat from
the chaff, as it were.
I won't beat about the bush.
Walmington feels chaffy.
My men are as
keen as mustard, sir.
Your sergeant
doesn't seem to be.
First patrol,
this Saturday, 0900. Put on a good show.
There's no better way
of saving the platoon.
Must dash.
We should get together
sometime, play a round with the wives.
Barbara loves a four-ball.
Carry on, old man.
Chaffy.
Platoon, fall in!
Attention!
Where is sergeant Wilson?
In bed,
i shouldn't wonder.
Caught a chill
up on the downs.
Poppycock.
Saw him coming out
of the gent's outfitters
on the high street
just an hour ago
looking happier
than a kitten on a cow's udder.
-I like your tie.
-What?
Oh, really? This? Do you?
Well, it's just a...
Pfft.
I often thought of you
over the years, Arthur.
Teaching, whitehall, perhaps,
but never in walmington-on-sea.
Well, it has its charms.
You were such
a good teacher, Arthur.
Well, I don't remember
teaching you anything.
You seemed to
know it all already.
You were so handsome,
dashing...
I haven't dashed
anywhere for years.
Age has only
improved you, Arthur.
Well...
Well, I better be off.
That night
at the summer ball, do you remember?
I so wanted you to kiss me.
Didn't you want to kiss me?
Well, I suppose.
Well, I was your tutor,
and there were rules.
Oh. Rules.
Strangled the life
out of this country.
Tell me about your briefing
with colonel theakes.
I didn't go.
Oh.
But I want to write about
your patrol in my article.
Don't worry.
Mainwaring will tell you everything tomorrow.
You'll have a job stopping him.
Chaffy.
Chaffy.
My platoon is not chaffy.
Public school boy.
Mmm?
Yeah, theakes has
met his match with me.
I shall make sure
miss winters' article is so glowing about us,
they'll have to pin
medals on the lot of us.
Come to bed.
I'm on top tonight.
I'm asleep, George.
Sleep well, dear.
I'll be lucky.
Trapped wind again.
Arthur.
Oh.
Good morning.
Ah. Good morning.
Where was you last night?
Oh. Last night
as in last night?
You was at the oak
with miss winters.
Was I?
Oh, yes,
that's right, I was, yeah.
Catching up on old times.
Oh...
-You look dreadful.
-Well.
You didn't come
for your breakfast.
Good lord,
I'm late for work.
Mrs. Todd said
you proper pushed the boat out.
Woolton pie, jam roly-poly.
Mavis, you have
nothing to worry about.
I promise you.
If you want roly-poly, Arthur,
I'll give you roly-poly.
And my roly-poly
will knock her roly-poly into a cocked hat.
8:00, after parade,
roly-poly.
Mmm.
Don't be late.
Roly-poly.
Oh, miss winters.
I say, miss winters.
We're so confused,
aren't we, cissy?
Our brother, Charles,
told us that you're writing an article
on the home guard
for the lady magazine.
-Yes.
-But they just did one.
We subscribe, you see.
-And they never do two of anything.
-No.
It's a follow-up article.
The first was so well received,
they commissioned another.
Oh.
Well,
that would explain it.
Excuse me, ladies.
Captain mainwaring.
Ah!
Miss winters.
What a pleasant surprise.
I was on my way to see you.
Are you busy?
My little break.
Perhaps you'd join me.
They do a very
passable Chelsea bun.
I'd be delighted.
Better before the war,
of course.
These days, it's a case
of "spot the currant."
But one mustn't grumble.
Mmm...
I do like your dress,
miss winters.
Oh, thank you, Vera.
You can have the
pattern if you like.
Oh.
Well, I don't know what to say.
Oh.
Good of you.
Well, a woman should
always look her best,
especially at wartime,
don't you agree?
I think you do, splendidly.
I'm keen for you to
get to know the platoon,
-not just as soldiers but as men.
-Mmm.
Brave, dedicated,
honest to a fault.
Nylons, miss winters?
Fresh off the back of a lorry,
if you know what I mean.
Walker, miss winters
and I are discussing military matters.
Of course you are!
Life in the old dog yet, ey?
Yeah.
Arms to the shoulder line!
Left, right, left, right.
In short, I shall do
everything in my power
to make your article
as informative and positive as possible.
Are you?
Oh, yes.
Thank you.
Well, I expect nothing less
from a natural leader like yourself.
Well, I...
Would you mind
just taking off your spectacles for me?
Whatever for?
Very well.
Ah.
I knew it.
There's a glint.
A certain fire in the eyes.
You remind me of someone.
Really?
I wonder who that could be.
Churchill.
Winston Churchill.
-Really?
-You have so many of his qualities.
Never given it much thought,
but I suppose I do.
It's uncanny!
I like to think
that if we met,
we'd both be
the richer for it.
Oh, yes.
Why don't you join us
at parade tonight?
I shall be briefing the platoon
on the patrol, stiffening their resolve,
and endeavoring
to inspire them in some small way, perhaps.
Well. Until tonight, then.
Good god.
Eyes front!
What's that, Wilson?
Oh.
Nothing. What's that, sir?
Nothing.
Fall the men in, Jones.
Platoon, fall in!
Attention!
Sorry I'm late.
I was writing up my notes, captain.
I quite understand.
As Julius Caesar
himself once said,
"preparation is all."
One of my inspirations,
you know.
Murdered by his own men.
-Thank you.
-Conquered all before him.
You know, veni, vidi...
Eh...
Gather around.
-Evening, miss winters.
-Good evening.
Now, listen, men.
You all know,
you can ask me...
You all know that you
can ask me anything,
be it of a professional,
pastoral, or indeed,
a philosophical nature.
I have a question, captain.
What if life is
really a dream?
When I said philosophical,
what I meant was...
I worry about
that sometimes, sir,
that we're all of us,
nothing but the dancing spirits of the night.
-Jones.
-I'm not sure I like that idea.
What, the spirits or the dancing?
Just thinking about it
is giving me goosebumps. Look.
When you're dead, you're dead.
I've never buried anybody yet who
wasn't. Well, maybe, just the once.
Wouldn't it be terrible, sir,
if none of us really existed?
I mean, who would I sell
my sausages to?
If life's a dream, jonesy,
you'd still have to be alive,
so you could fall asleep
and dream they're buying them.
Yes, thank you, Walker.
Walker! Settle down.
Settle down, men.
Settle down.
Now, men.
Uh, Wilson.
Now, men, I have...
Oh.
What's up with his face?
Rigor mortis, with a bit of luck.
Now, men, I have decided
after due and diligent deliberation,
to pinpoint
our preliminary patrol position, here.
In the middle
of the channel. That's interesting.
You need some
new specs, captain?
I've got some lovely ones
just come in.
Uh...
Here, and end it...
Ah!
Here.
- Wilson!
- All right, sir?
We shall patrol in pairs.
So, it would be awfully nice
if you could stay on the lookout
for enemy agents
and that sort of thing.
Yes, my sergeant and i
will now demonstrate.
Wilson.
Observe how keenly
we scan the land, the sea, and the sky.
Alert to attack
from every quarter, like coiled Springs.
All Springs are coiled, Wilson.
Look! I see something.
- Almost had my eye out.
- A parachutist.
Well, I saw him at
the same time as you, sir.
You don't need to point,
i was doing the pointing.
Two dogs, one bone.
In one jock.
When I'm already pointing.
One moment, men.
Come along.
What on earth is the matter?
I'm not sure
what you mean, sir.
You're all puffed up.
Trying to impress miss winters?
I thought that
was what you wanted.
Copying everything I do?
Stop it this instant.
That's an order.
-Any questions?
-Any questions?
We need a pose.
Beg your pardon?
Well, we're going
to be in a magazine.
We need a pose,
something heroic but menacing,
like errol Flynn
in the sea hawk.
Stupid boy.
How about this?
There won't be
any need for poses.
Miss winters won't be
joining us on patrol.
- What?
- Order, order.
Men, men. Order, please.
Only authorized personnel
will be joining us on the coastal path.
Platoon is the
subject of her article, not the patrol.
I understand one or two of you have brought
along some personal items
you'd like to share with her.
Who'd like to go first?
Evening, mavis.
I'm just stretching my legs.
Likewise, I'm sure.
Thank you, frazer.
Frazer.
George!
Where are your glasses?
Hello, dear.
Just resting my eyes.
Don't! It makes
you look piggy.
Come along.
Come on, Joe.
Darts night.
-I don't play darts.
-You do now.
Frank.
Lifeboat's on in eastgate.
Can't you see I'm busy?
Frank, where's Arthur?
Mavis.
What a...
What a lovely surprise.
New suit, Arthur?
Uh, what?
No, no, no. It's...
You can wear it for
what's left of your dinner.
Elizabeth mainwaring, ats.
Officer, first class.
Rose winters.
You do a marvelous job.
I believe in fighting
for what's ours
and crushing
the enemy underfoot.
Don't you?
I'll say good night,
Mrs. mainwaring.
George.
Night, frank.
Time and tide, George.
"Cottage,
4:00 P.M. please come."
George!
Coming, dear.
-Hello, Joe.
-Oh. Strike a light!
I thought you was old bill.
Quite a hoard
you have here.
I take it you don't
believe in rationing.
Well, keep your head down
and earn a few Bob,
that's what I believe in.
Since they shut
off the army base, I've got a right backlog.
I'm making up for lost time.
Captain mainwaring
said you're not going near the base.
Once I'm inside the compound,
there'll be no stopping me.
You know,
i should really report this.
Come on, then.
We all have our price,
miss winters.
What's yours?
Petrol? Navy cut?
Bootleg French perfume?
Chanel no. 5?
When you go to the base,
take me with you.
You're not coming on the patrol.
You're not the only one
who knows how to get what they want, Joe.
Of course, this will be
quilted for extra comfort
on your eternal slumber.
Yes, I'd be quite happy
to decompose in this.
We'll take two, Mr. frazer.
I don't suppose
you would consider a discount.
Well, to avail
yourself of that,
you would both
have to pass on before the end of the month.
Oh. We're not ready
to go quite yet, are we, cissy?
Mother lived to 101.
Miss winters, one moment!
Miss winters.
Cissy rang the lady
magazine in London
to inquire about
your follow-up article.
And they know
nothing about it, or you.
You're on the run from the police.
You killed a man
with your umbrella.
Oh, I do apologize,
miss winters.
She is cursed with
a romantic spirit.
I know.
You're a secret agent.
A German spy
sent here to discover
the invasion plans
and bring
the allies to their knees.
I'm afraid the truth
is far less colorful than that, ladies.
I work for
the associated press.
They place all their
articles uncredited.
I hope that's cleared up
the confusion for you.
Good day.
Hello, captain. Welcome.
I do like your hat.
Oh. This old thing?
-Please, come on in.
-Yeah.
Sorry about the manner
of my invitation.
No, no.
No. Not at all.
I was hoping
you'd tell me more
about your unique
leadership style.
Well,
I'm not one to
blow my own trumpet,
but I lead by example.
There's nothing I would ask
my men to do that I would not do myself.
Hmm.
Cake?
It's rather small, I'm afraid.
We eat
as a free people,
not under the Nazi heel.
One thing my
men know for sure,
the jackboot will not tread
upon this hallowed land
while there is breath in this...
Are you all right?
Gone down the wrong way.
You speak so
eloquently, captain.
Have you never committed
your thoughts to paper?
No, there's not enough
hours in the day, I'm afraid.
Leadership is many things,
miss winters.
Rose, I insist.
Leadership is
many things, rose.
But most of all,
it's about vision.
Oh.
Oh.
-Cake on the floor. Cake on the...
-You're quite right, though.
So sorry.
Europe is crying out
for a man of vision, clarity,
even ruthlessness.
Quite.
Get the trains
running on time.
I believe you're destined to play
a huge part in this war, George.
Really?
I do hope so.
I'm only sorry
i won't be able to write about it.
But you must.
What is the matter?
It's my editor.
He said if I don't write
about your patrol in my article,
then he won't publish it.
Come, now. Here.
Maybe if your
editor insists upon it,
then...
What?
Maybe you should...
Rose?
- Wilson.
- Hello?
What's he doing here?
I have no idea.
- One moment.
- Hello?
No, no.
I'm not here.
I'm in eastbourne with my area manager.
"A thing of beauty
is a joy forever.
"Its loveliness increases..."
Arthur, this is not the time.
Sorry. I'll come back.
No, I won't!
I've been doing
that all my life,
saying I'll come back
when I wanted to stay,
staying when I wanted to go.
Rose, that night
at the summer ball,
I wanted to kiss
you very, very much.
I should have
kissed you, like this.
Sorry.
I had feelings for you
then, rose. I still do.
Perhaps I haven't been
everything I could have been,
but perhaps
it's not too late.
Perhaps I still could be,
with a little help from someone,
someone like you.
Rose, guess who!
-Frank? What's he doing here?
-I have no idea.
One moment.
I've come to find you.
"Here's looking at you, kid."
Frank, you've been drinking.
Mum's ginger wine.
It don't half make you squiffy.
I got your note.
I can read between the lines.
I know what
you're really saying.
See, you're a woman
and I'm a man.
With a drawn on moustache.
I'm errol Flynn.
- Kiss me.
- Frank!
Mum?
I know you're in there.
-Frank?
-I got this licked, sugar.
Can you hear me?
Mum?
You get
yourself out here, now.
I've got an
announcement to make.
Look at the state of you.
Me and miss winters
are in love.
Don't be ridiculous.
Good afternoon, sir.
Wilson.
Out. Now.
The window. Quickly.
George. George.
The patrol.
Can I come?
Yes, of course.
There you...
How dare you lead
my little boy astray.
You stay away from him.
From both of 'em.
Wilson.
Get in.
Taking in the air,
mainwaring?
Recceing an exercise
for the men, sir.
Yes,
well, we're all busy.
I've got a ten-footer
on the eighth for a half.
-Cunningham.
-Meeks.
From mi5. Captain,
we have a situation.
We've picked up
an enemy radio signal sent from this area.
To the abwehr in Berlin.
An enemy spy is operating
somewhere near here.
Codename cobra,
no less.
He'll be after
information on the Dover base.
Operation bodyguard
was set up a year ago
to keep Hitler guessing
about the invasion.
Decoys, deception,
that sort of thing.
This could cost us
the war, captain.
If you see anything in
the least suspicious,
call us.
We're counting on you.
It could be
anyone, mainwaring.
Enemy radio signal...
Enemy spy is operating
somewhere near here.
It could be
anyone, mainwaring.
Anyone.
She's old enough
to be your mother.
Creeping around there,
declaring undying love.
Honestly, frank,
what were you thinking?
Who'd do a stupid,
brainless thing like that?
Exactly. I mean...
Not your uncle Arthur,
that's for sure.
Frank.
Are you just gonna
throw our life away?
Frank.
How have I upset you?
Uh.
I don't wanna lose you, frank.
We're finished, Vera.
"You and I don't
amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world."
Bye.
Bye.
I must go.
I may not be
educated like her.
I may not be rich
like her, or beautiful.
But god help me,
Arthur Wilson,
I love you,
and I'm not giving you up without a fight.
Oh...
Night, uncle Arthur.
Good night, son.
How was Mr. gribbins?
Hmm?
He's your area manager.
You met him today
in eastbourne, apparently.
Oh, uh...
Fine. Fine.
I saw your trousers.
Tried to bite you, did he?
What's the matter?
Have you seen a ghost?
Sorry, dear.
Rather a long day.
Evening, mainwaring.
Evening.
Put that light out.
No.
Captain mainwaring.
Mrs. fox and I are
doing a Jigsaw puzzle, sir.
Bit of sky fell
down the sofa.
We need to talk.
I'll say good night,
then.
Unless you're going to
burst in on me later,
and have your wicked way.
Night, Mrs. fox.
Jones, I want you to remain calm.
What I have to tell you
is highly confidential.
-What, a spy? A real one?
-Quiet, Jones.
You're the only person I've told.
How do you know, sir?
I've had a visit from mi5.
Mi5? Why are you telling me?
You think it's me, don't you?
You think I'm the spy.
You've come here
to arrest me.
Of course not, Jones.
Sit down.
I've come here because
i intend to catch him.
But things could get nasty,
and you're the only
one of us who's ever actually, you know...
-Thusly.
-Aye, sir.
-Thusly.
-Quite.
I may need you to
dispatch him, Jones.
Sit tight for now.
I shall be in touch.
Meantime,
put an edge on that.
Very good, sir.
Don't panic, Jack.
Don't panic.
It's easy.
-Arthur.
-Rose.
I apologize about earlier.
Oh, no, don't.
I have feelings for you, too.
Seeing you again has
brought them all back.
I'm leaving tomorrow
night after the patrol.
I want you to come with me.
Tomorrow night?
Tomorrow night's bridge night.
I need your answer.
After the patrol.
-Oh. Captain mainwaring.
-Morning, ladies.
Captain mainwaring, we have
discovered something terribly exciting
about miss winters.
Straight out of greenmantle.
I can't stop.
My country needs me.
Well, please yourself,
Mr. mainwaring.
Off to win the war, Napoleon?
Just you wait, Hodges.
Today is going to be
the pinnacle of my military career.
Don't tell me, you're gonna
collect colonel theakes's laundry?
-Wilson.
-Morning, sir.
About yesterday,
we're both men of the world.
Are we, sir?
Well, yes.
I suggest that we...
Draw a veil.
Precisely.
Consider it drawn.
Colonel, we're just
about to set off.
Mi5 have picked up
another signal from the spy.
They've narrowed down
his location, mainwaring.
He's in walmington.
Walmington? Good lord.
They're putting a cordon
round the town to flush him out.
I want your platoon
at their disposal
as soon as you've
finished patrol.
You'd better let your men know.
Of course, colonel.
It's imperative that
he's caught, mainwaring.
The allies cross
into France in 48 hours.
- A spy?
- In walmington?
-I can feel it in my bones.
-Walmington?
I'll catch him, sir.
What does he look like?
We don't know, frank.
That's rather
the point with spies.
His target is
the army base at Dover.
We need to keep
a close watch on those cliffs.
I want to catch him.
And make today
the proudest in our history.
He's close by.
I can feel him.
Uncle Arthur!
Uncle Arthur!
Do be quiet, frank.
Ah.
I can see something, sir.
- Where?
- Look.
Don't panic,
Mr. Godfrey. Keep pointing.
-I'll alert my commanding officer.
-What is it?
It's over there.
Look. Can you see?
What is it, Godfrey?
It's a spy.
A spy over there. See? There.
He's sending a signal.
What?
The spy.
Yes. White.
White, brown. White, brown.
White, brown. White, brown.
White, brown. White, brown.
White, brown.
White... god.
As you were, men.
It's a rabbit.
Sir. Sir, are you sure it's not
a tiny spy dressed as a rabbit?
These Nazi spies
are a devious lot, sir.
What a fanciful notion, Jones.
This weighs a ton.
The base is
just over the rise.
Carry this for me,
would you, jonesy?
Righto.
I'm just gonna
take some samples over.
Here you go.
It's now or never.
It ain't half
heavy, Mr. Jones.
No, light as a feather.
Are you all right,
Mr. Jones?
Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine.
-Come on, rose.
-Thank you.
Blimey.
They've been busy.
What are you doing?
Well, a girl has
to look her best.
Look,
Mr. Jones, a kittiwake.
Whoa, whoa.
All right, Mr. Jones.
Don't you worry about me,
Mr. Godfrey.
I'm strong as an ox
and twice as hairy.
If I see the spy,
I'm going to throw pepper in his eyes.
Whoa...
I might have to ask him
to stand downwind of me, mind you, but...
Mr. Jones?
Mr. Jones?
Mr. Jones?
Captain mainwaring!
Mr. Jones has gone over!
Oh, no.
He can't be.
To the beach, men,
at the double.
Captain!
Jones?
- Jones!
- He's alive.
- Thank heavens.
- Hold on tight.
Don't panic.
I am panicking, sir.
I can't help it.
Rope. We need rope, men.
Where's Walker?
He's gone to
the base to get help.
-Well, fetch him, pike.
-Yeah.
Hold on, Jones.
Jones.
Joe! Joe,
Mr. Jones has gone over. We need rope.
Hold on tight! We're coming.
Can you come
fairly quickly, sir?
Terrible. I never
got his measurements.
Yeah, that'll do.
Come on.
Tie it off, Jones!
Tie it off.
Yeah, yeah, it's tied off.
Chain's tied off, yeah.
- Hold on tight, jonesy.
- Pull him up, men.
- One, two, three.
- Jonesy, you're safe as houses.
- Pull!
- Hold on, Jones!
You okay?
Hold on, Jones!
I'm rotating, sir.
I'm rotating.
- Give me your hand, Jones!
- That's it.
- Pull!
- Pull! Pull, men!
- Jones, pull.
- That's it, well done.
- Grab his arse.
- Well done.
Thank you, sir.
I thought I was a goner.
My whole life
flashed before my eyes.
At least I think it was my life.
Right, let's get this chain
back to the base.
You gave me
a real fright, Mr. Jones.
Right, up you come,
jonesy.
There's a sight
for sore eyes, Walker?
Makes you proud to be British.
Stone the crows.
Here, the whole place is a fake!
Miss winters.
Vera.
What brings you out here?
I saw you
out on the sands.
It's frank.
I know he's a silly boy,
but he'll make a fine man one day.
I love him, miss winters.
Trouble is, he loves you.
Just a little crush, perhaps.
Nothing to worry about.
Besides, I leave tonight.
Oh.
Oh.
Where are you off to next?
Paris? New York?
You life's so glamorous
compared to mine.
What's that?
You hear that?
Stay where you are.
I'm going home to Berlin.
It's a complete and utter balls-up.
Operation bodyguard took yonks
to put into place and you...
You have destroyed it
in seconds, you imbecile.
The entire invasion plan will have to
be put back now because of you
until, I don't know, June.
And I'm meant to be
going sailing in June.
My men have now
secured all but one of the tanks, brigadier.
It is quite possible
that the spy saw absolutely nothing.
Captain mainwaring!
Captain mainwaring!
Oh, yes, Napoleon.
This is the pinnacle of your career, all right.
You are stripped
of your rank with immediate effect.
Wilson, you have the command.
Oxford man, sir.
Good show.
The future of this
platoon is under review.
-Brigadier.
-Dismissed.
I'm sorry, sir.
It's all my fault,
falling off the cliff like that.
No, Jones.
Men,
it's been a privilege.
Upsy-Daisy.
Arthur, I need your answer.
I'm not coming, rose.
It's a dream
of another life.
Didn't you hear him?
That mi5 are gonna question us
all, first thing they get here.
But I don't know nothing.
They'll use
the thumbscrews.
My train leaves in an hour.
Will you come
and see me off?
For old times' sake?
Of course.
That's decided then.
Thank you, vicar.
Goodbye.
George, I thought
you were on patrol.
So, it's been agreed.
The choir will form
the head of the parade
while the platoon
brings up the rear.
Whatever you say, dear.
There's no point
arguing about it.
George, you're white as a sheet.
I shan't be on parade.
I'm no longer
a serving officer in the home guard.
I've been let go.
I beg your pardon?
They're thinking of disbanding
the platoon 'cause of me.
All I ever wanted
in this war was to do my bit.
Mainwaring residence.
Two nights ago,
he invited me for a drink
to talk about old times.
It was so awkward.
He tried to kiss me.
Oh, the cad.
So I came in here
and I heard a sound,
like static or
a transmitter or something.
He told me it was
his wireless, but...
Good lord.
Captain pigeon ring!
The incriminalizing evidentials!
Some sort of code.
What sort of
language is that?
German, perhaps.
Captain, look.
Oh, no.
1:24.
Still time.
Jones.
Sir, I want to tell you
something in complete continence.
I've never killed a man.
What?
Fine time to tell me, Jones.
All those stories
about the Sudan?
Well, I was there
all right, sir. Army catering corps.
When I come back,
i sort of emblemished the truth.
Who wants to know
he went all the way to the Sudan to make tea?
Well, you know what they say.
"Cometh the hour,
cometh the man."
Guten evening,
herr Wilson. Handies hoch.
I beg your pardon?
About to abscond, are we?
Sir, I'm not a spy.
Well, I shouldn't be surprised.
Your class has always
had a talent for treachery.
This war will sweep
your kind away, Wilson,
and I for one will not
mourn its passing.
You turn my stomach.
Coward!
I don't know
what I'll do if they disband us.
My sisters like to play
canasta in the evenings.
I find it all
rather complicated.
I'm joining the ats.
Darn sight prettier than you lot.
Well, look who's here.
Men who lost us the war.
That's most unkind, Mr. Hodges.
Who needs the enemy
when we've got the home guard?
You're a shambles,
the lot of you.
How dare you say that?
Mr. frazer and Mr. Jones
fought in the first war.
Mr. Godfrey was
a stretcher bearer.
You're not fit to lick their boots.
And you wanna watch
your lip, sunshine.
All you do
is whistle at people.
"Put that light out!
Put that light out!"
Shut your mouth,
you little mummy's boy.
I'll have your guts for garters.
Behave yourself.
I have grave news, men.
Grave news indeed.
Well, look who it is.
The failure-in-chief.
Evidence has been found
indicating sergeant Wilson is the spy.
Sergeant Wilson?
No, he's not good-looking enough.
He can't be the spy.
He'd have told us.
It's over, mainwaring.
Go home, man.
You've been stripped
of your command,
stripped naked
in the eyes of the world,
and it's a terrible sight.
Corporal Jones and I have
discovered a crystal radio set
hidden under his desk
and top-secret documents
written in German.
-No way.
-God, German.
I've locked him
into the church hall until mi5 arrive.
I'm telling mum.
In the meantime, I shall be
reassuming command of the platoon.
I knew it, captain.
I never liked Wilson, anyway.
Well, I take no pleasure in this,
frazer, but a spy is a spy.
Oh, you've solved it,
have you?
Oh, we had our suspicions
from the start, didn't we, cissy?
We just couldn't
put our finger on it.
Turns out it was
staring us in the face.
Miss winters is a foreign agent.
Miss winters, a spy?
She can't be. She's a woman.
I shall go and break the news
to her at Sully point.
I'm coming with you.
Good of you, Walker,
but I think I should go alone.
Meet me at the
church hall in an hour,
and we shall discuss
a guard rota for the traitor Wilson.
Dolly dear, what did you mean it
was staring you in the face?
Miss winters' clothes, of course.
That Chanel dress in particular.
So, we phoned
the fashion house in Paris
to ask if anyone there knew her.
A very nice young man
in records confirmed
that she bought regularly
from their collections,
and they sent them
directly to her home.
That was the missing
piece of the Jigsaw, wasn't it, cissy?
But what was it?
Ooh. The address,
silly Billy.
Miss winters lives in Berlin.
Berlin.
Well, come on, look lively.
Godfrey, let's go.
Berlin.
Berlin, yeah. Lovely.
Why were you there, Arthur?
Were you really leaving me
and frank?
I've been standing
at a crossroads, mavis.
Staring down a road I never took.
I wasn't leaving you.
I went to say goodbye to her.
My life is here
with you, dearest,
and with frank.
I know that now.
Release him, jonesy.
I've always said it,
the man's as innocent as a newborn babe.
He's a Nazi spy.
We caught him at the station
about to abscons.
Abscond, jonesy.
Rose winters asked me
to see her off.
She's the spy or my name's
not James Donald nathrachean frazer.
Yes, you see,
my sisters found out, she lives in Berlin.
They're frightfully clever,
those two.
Later, if you wouldn't mind,
Mr. Godfrey.
Yes.
-Jones, untie me.
-Give it here, Jack.
No hard feelings,
i hope, sergeant?
Even when you
was a Nazi pig dog,
I still felt warmly towards you.
Uncle Arthur, the coast guard just
spotted a u-boat off Sully point.
Real Germans.
Permission to panic, sergeant.
Permission denied.
It'll be her escape route.
Where's mainwaring?
Blimey. I forgot.
He's gone after her.
He's in danger.
Jones, the rifles.
Very good, sir.
We can't just go
storming down there mob-handed.
They'll see us
coming a mile off.
Not if we go in camouflage.
We'd give a lovely
marran grass effect with all this hay.
Excellent! Men, the hay.
No, Arthur. I won't let you.
I have no choice.
Stop messing about.
At the double, Mr. Godfrey.
If you'd be so kind.
Miss winters.
Miss winters.
We've caught him.
Wilson, I mean.
Huge shock, I know.
Who knows
what lurks in the hearts of men, etcetera?
I'm here if you need me.
A shoulder to cry on.
Good lord.
U-boat. U-boat!
You will play a big role
in this war, mainwaring,
as the fool who
lost england the war.
Churchill?
They don't like it up 'em.
Mrs. pike,
what's the matter?
Miss winters is a spy.
The men have gone to
Sully point after her, and there's a u-boat!
They've got no backup.
Daphne, would you be kind enough to
rustle us up some hardware?
Thanks to you, George,
they'll be waiting in normandy to
drive the allies back into the sea.
Help!
Help!
Help!
Vera.
Help!
Have you no heart?
I burn with passion
to see my fuhrer walk up whitehall.
We will never surrender.
Coming, Vera!
Vera!
Cometh the hour.
Well done, jonesy.
Next time,
i won't be so kind-hearted!
Take cover, men!
Run, captain!
Come on.
Oh, sir.
Wilson.
Your command, sir.
Welcome back.
Thank you, Wilson. Men!
We must prevent miss winters
from escaping.
But first, we must rescue
Vera shilton from the incoming tide.
"It's a far better thing I do now
than I have ever done."
Don't be silly, frank.
Please don't!
Ronald colman,
a tale of two cities.
I saw that.
Basil rathbone was frightfully good in that.
- I'm coming, Vera!
- Frank, no!
Pike, get back here!
He'll never make it.
He's got flat feet.
I'm going after him.
No, you'll be cut to pieces.
I must.
We shall create a diversion.
Let me try something.
What did you say,
Mr. Godfrey?
I said, "where is my
good-night snuggle, sweetheart?"
Frank!
Uncle Arthur, I'm scared.
Frank, it's not Betty grable.
It's not Rita...
What's the one with the red hair?
-Hayworth.
-That's the one.
It's Vera.
Your real, live Vera.
Frank!
Need another diversion.
I'll give them something that'll
put the fear of god into them.
Hey!
Run!
Vera!
Frank.
Excellent, frazer.
I haven't finished yet, sir.
Quite enough, thank you.
Sod this for
a game of soldiers.
Walker. Walker!
Walker, return to
your position at once!
You're a
yellow-bellied deserter!
We're doomed. Doomed!
Men...
I am a man of few words, but...
There comes a time
in a soldier's life,
when one must confront...
For god's sake, man, we're in enough
trouble without you making a speech.
It's changing direction!
Look.
It can't be.
On my command, ladies.
Fire!
Ah!
She's getting away!
Captain, no!
Joseph Walker,
you must be crazy.
Looks like you split your lederhosen
auf wiedersehen to you!
Joe.
Well, I'll be damned.
Meeks, alert the Navy.
That u-boat does
not leave the bay.
Very good, sir.
I fear
we may be too late.
Oh, my...
He was a great captain.
The best.
Oh.
Look.
And the sea delivereth him.
Yours, I believe, gentlemen.
They've sealed off the bay.
Good show, mainwaring.
Joe. Joe.
You're my hero.
Oh, leave it out, daph.
Come on, then.
Mr. Jones, I'm in awe.
How can I possibly
thank you?
You'll think of something.
I already have.
Let's finish that puzzle, shall we?
Oh, Arthur, you saved him,
our little boy.
Well, he's a man now, mavis.
Good god.
Mavis, look away.
Shouldn't do that
in front of people.
So, Jerry met his match.
Excellent work, captain.
We couldn't have done it
without you, officer.
-Elizabeth...
-Enough tosh, George.
You have a parade to lead.
Had my suspicions
about miss winters from the start.
I couldn't tell anyone,
of course.
Price of leadership.
Not bad for a shambles,
Mr. Hodges?
Bravo, mainwaring.
I never doubted you.
Touch and go for a while,
old friend, but we got there in the end.
Friend, sir?
Eyes front, shoulders back.
Sergeant in the home guard,
not a sack of potatoes.
Thank you, sir.
You really are most awfully kind.
Attention!
Where is sergeant Wilson?
In bed, I shouldn't wonder.
Caught a chill up on the downs.
Poppycock.
Saw him coming
out of the...
Whose phone is that?
Sorry, sir. Mine.
Godfrey,
take that phone out!
-Sorry, sir.
-Turn it off immediately!
Sorry, sir. Sorry.
Take it out!
I can't get it out, sir.
I've told him.
Take the...
Walker, help him with his phone.
Walker,
get a job...
Frazer,
stop talking and help him with his phone.
I've got it now.
I got it, sir.
Would you hold it?
I don't think that's period.
Corporal Jones
and I have discovered a crystal radio set in...
Under his desk
and top-secret documents
written in German.
I've locked him into
the church hall until...
Perhaps I should start
on the less
celebrated achievements of the platoon.
Now, affected by
a plague of hedgehogs,
several of us undertook to clear the
farm using only a hosepipe
and two strands of lead piping.
Lundt, sir.
He's back. Do we pick him up?
There'll be a contact. I want both.
Very good, sir.
What now?
We wait.
For his contact.
Christ!
There is no contact.
-Lundt! Mi5!
-Don't move!
If it reaches the coast,
we've lost the bloody war.
-Ah! Oh.
-Oh.
Blimey, Joe.
How'd you do that, then?
Oh, you know me.
Charm the birds from the trees.
Nice shot, boys.
-How many?
-Six.
Two Bob the lot. Now hop it.
Ugh!
-What's the matter with you?
-Oh.
Finest British protein, that is.
Off-rations for jonesy.
Come on, daph.
Give us a cuddle.
- Joe! Joe!
- Oh, blimey!
Can't you see
I'm in the middle of something?
You're wanted in barton's field!
They've found him!
I'm too young to die.
Do be quiet, frank.
And I'm too old.
Hold your nerve, men.
Keep low.
Godfrey, can't you go any lower?
I'll try to, sir,
but I'm not sure I'll be able to get up again.
I glimpsed him, sir,
just up ahead.
Good work, Jones.
He's been on the run.
He'll be tired and hungry.
Try and take him alive,
but if he won't come quietly,
you know what to do.
They don't like it, sir.
- They don't like it.
- Quiet, Jones!
Uh...
Follow me.
Wait for my command.
There he is, sir.
Stand your ground, men.
Jones.
Very slowly,
pass me the halter.
Jones?
Very slowly... Jones.
Jones?
There's a good bull.
Eh. Good bull.
Wilson, do something!
Do what, sir?
Anything!
Just do something!
Godfrey!
Ole. Ole.
Follow me.
Okay, now. Sit. Sit.
He's licking his lips.
He's licking his lips!
Uncle Arthur!
Frank,
pull yourself together!
Behind you, sir,
behind you!
Yes. Help!
Go on, Cedric!
Thank you!
Another successful operation.
Are you out of your tiny, wee mind?
We're supposed to be
locking horns with the hun,
not bertie the bull.
Yes, well, until that day comes, frazer,
we must remain sharp.
- Ah!
- What, like you, for instance?
I thought he was
gonna eat me, uncle Arthur.
Men.
My whole life just
flashed before my eyes.
Men.
Let's get you home.
You never know
when Jerry might strike.
Who do you
think you are kidding, Mr. Churchill?
Attention to detail, ladies!
The sooner we get the wounded
back on their feet,
the sooner
we shall win this war.
How's that, George?
It's really rather painful, dear.
It's your own fault.
You stood on a land mine.
Up a bit.
You've been shot
in the leg, Joe.
I know, but it goes
all the way up to my...
Hold still, you big baby!
I'll not take much more of this.
First, I'm bull bait,
now I'm long John silver!
-Lift your arm, Mr. Godfrey.
-All right.
You've been
shot in the chest.
Have I? Oh, dear.
-Will I be all right?
-Yes.
Wonderful sights.
Man and woman
united in common cause.
Thanks to us.
I don't know
what we'd do without them.
- Captain mainwaring.
- Mmm?
Ah!
Morning, vicar.
Telephone for you.
And the Morris dancers
have booked the hall for 1:00.
I do hope
you're not going to run over.
There is a war on,
you know, vicar.
If we're not finished,
they'll just have to prance about outside.
Mainwaring.
You'll have to speak up.
Colonel theakes, here.
Morning, sir.
Not another bull, is it?
Just had brigadier pritchard
on the blower from hq.
It's all hands on deck.
And how are you today,
Mr. Godfrey?
I've been shot
in the chest, you know.
Have you really?
Well, a nice spot of tea
will do you the world of good.
Oh.
This is a waste of time.
I should be going to France
with the rest of them.
Oh, it's not your fault
you've got flat feet.
People think I'm a boy.
I'm not. I'm a man.
Tea's up.
Ooh, cake!
Bagsy the pink one!
And you know
what he's like.
If he don't get
three square meals a day in him, he cries.
Mainwaring?
Frank. You're not listening, Arthur.
He's taking Vera
to the pictures again tonight.
He's quite smitten with her, he is.
You want some?
Oh.
You might pop around.
I've got a rather
nice pigeon off-rations from Walker.
Oh, it's your favorite bird.
I don't know about that.
Oh, stop it, Arthur.
Listen, men. Listen.
I have excellent news.
Colonel theakes has
given us a new mission.
What is it this time?
Wash his car? Feed his horses?
There's a line in the sand, mainwaring,
and you've crossed it.
He's asked us to patrol
the allied invasion base at Dover.
- Good heavens.
- Blimey.
This is it, men.
Our chance to play
a real part in this war.
At last, captain.
We're champing at our bits, aren't we, lads?
In the meantime,
we shall get back on the downs
for camouflage practice.
Into the Van, men,
at the double.
Did he say cauliflower?
-No, no, camouflage.
-Camouflage.
-Camouflage. Okay.
-Try to listen.
Now, this is just what
the men need, Wilson.
Yes, yes, thank you, Jones.
Thank you, thank you.
Yes, they've been
dragging their feet a bit lately.
Yes, they have been a bit lax.
There's no need
for Latin, Wilson.
If the king's English is good enough
for him, it's good enough for you.
You're not at
Cambridge now, you know.
Oxford, actually, sir.
In the light of
the forthcoming mission,
we shall adapt
today's exercise.
One of the men
shall be a Nazi spy.
We'll drop him off
at the crossroads.
Are you sure that's wise, sir?
Meanwhile, we shall lie in wait
and attempt to intercept him.
Lying in wait
sounds awfully damp, don't you think, sir?
Pull over, Jones.
Pull over, Jones.
Pulling over, sir.
I want
a word with you, Wilson.
How dare you question
my authority in front of the men?
Well, I just don't want
anyone catching a cold.
You know what frank's like.
Are we nearly there yet?
As you were, pike.
You're trying to undermine me,
usurp my position.
I'm really doing
nothing of the kind.
Hurry up.
Godfrey's gotta go.
Yes, well,
it won't work, you know.
These pips say it all.
You waft along with that
superior look on your face.
No backbone,
that's your trouble.
Well, I'm not sure
that's entirely fair.
Really? Well, here's
your chance to prove it.
You're our Nazi for the day.
- Really?
- Auf wiedersehen, Mr. Wilson.
Very good, men.
Breaking up the outline.
You're not taking this seriously,
are you, Walker?
How'd you know it was me?
No, thank you, pike.
Ah!
You put some
thought into this, Jones.
Thank you, captain.
Mrs. fox lent it me
from last year's production of Robin hood.
I'm a tiny bit
of Sherwood forest.
Ah...
Godfrey?
You look like
you're on a cruise to the south seas.
Thank you so much, sir.
That's very kind of you.
I got the idea from a picture
i saw last week, south of pago pago.
I thought it was
rather open air.
Take it off.
Captain, might I be excused, please?
Certainly not.
Now, listen, men.
Sergeant Wilson's mission
is to reach our flag undetected.
So, we all need
to keep our eyes peeled at all times.
Listen! Something's coming.
If I know Wilson,
he'll have charmed his way into a lift.
Conceal yourselves, men.
Wait for my signal.
Oh.
What's up, Mr. Godfrey?
Ah...
Oh...
Good lord.
At the double, men!
Halt, Nazi spy, or get all shot.
Madam, I'm most terribly sorry.
I thought I saw a tree move.
I had to, captain.
Mr. Godfrey wanted to
use me as a convenience.
I'm afraid my call of nature
called rather loudly.
I fear we mistook you
for a Nazi spy.
Yes, thank you, Walker.
Miss winters,
associated press.
Captain mainwaring,
walmington home guard.
What a coincidence.
I'm doing an article
on the home guard of walmington-on-sea.
For the lady magazine.
Us? In a real magazine?
We're going up
in the world, lads.
Well, you come
highly recommended.
Yes, well,
i certainly like to think
we'd give Jerry
a run for his money.
You've joined us in mid-operation.
We're on the lookout for a spy.
But don't worry,
we'll catch him.
Not much gets past us,
i can tell you.
Uh...
You're nasty.
Would you like a stab?
Permission to speak, sir.
-What is it, Jones?
-Well, this bag.
It doesn't exactly
bring my blood to the boil.
Well, I could stand
behind if you like. I speak a little German.
Is that true, Godfrey?
Shall have to keep an eye on him.
Yes, one of my
nannies was from leipzig.
Beautiful woman.
Greta, her name was.
All right, all right,
get behind the sack!
Now, incense me
in the Nazi tongue.
You Nazi pig dog, you!
I strike you thusly!
And thusly!
Excellent, Jones.
Hey,
don't put your back out, mind.
What did you say, Godfrey?
What? What, sir?
I said,
"have you brushed your teeth, my angel?"
You see, I never used to
like brushing my own teeth.
All right, Godfrey.
All right, all right.
She would do it
for me, sometimes.
Yes, all right.
Thank you, Godfrey.
Carry on, corporal.
Very good, Godfrey.
All right, men.
Assume position!
First group, ready!
And charge!
Second group, ready!
It's a privilege
to watch you all.
Ah...
They're a decent bunch.
We do what we can.
They'd clearly do
anything for you.
Must be that smile.
Where on earth has
my sergeant got to?
Anyone for honey?
-Wilson?
-It is, actually, sir.
How the dickens
did you evade that...
I do believe I won
the exercise, sir.
You did nothing
of the sort, not dressed like that.
You're disqualified.
I thought I was
being resourceful.
You were being
devious and underhand.
It's no way for
a spy to behave.
Rose?
It can't be!
Arthur?
What a remarkable thing.
I'm sorry, captain.
Mr. Wilson was my tutor at Oxford.
Remarkable.
Uh...
Wilson, take the men home.
I shall be driving
miss winters up to Sully point.
Oh, might I, sir?
-We have such a great deal to catch up on.
-Certainly not.
Oh, captain, please, I insist.
I've taken up far
too much of your time.
Well, if that's what you'd prefer.
Wilson.
-Shall we?
-My earring.
My earring,
I've dropped it. It's very precious.
-Fan out, men. Fan out.
-Oh, no.
Earring alert.
Earring alert.
I absolutely must find it.
Earring!
Fan out! Earring!
What are we
looking for exactly?
Earring! Earring!
Earring alert.
Fan out, men.
Oh, I've got it.
Here it is. Here it is.
- I'm frank.
- Well done, pike.
-Frank pike.
-Oh, my knight in shining armor.
Ooh.
Well, I look forward to getting to know
you more in the coming days.
England can sleep soundly
knowing that you're watching over her.
-Sir.
-Thank you.
Bye-bye.
- Cheerio.
- Bye.
Is that everything?
-Ah. Allow me.
-Oh, no, it's...
-No, it's...
-It's my, it's my...
-No, I'll, I'll...
-It's my typewriter.
-Oh.
-I want to get a start on the article.
First impressions,
you understand.
Hmm.
Might we have tea tomorrow?
Say 5:00?
Well, that would be...
Oh, no, there's a briefing
on some patrol thingy.
-Patrol?
-Yes, of the Dover base.
Dinner afterwards, then?
There must be
somewhere in town.
Well, yes,
there's the oak hotel, but...
7:00. I insist.
Right. Yes.
How nice. Thank you, rose.
Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Oh.
I want you to have
a word with frank.
He's got it into his head
he wants to be a spitfire pilot.
He gets dizzy
standing on a chair.
Well, he lives in his head,
that's his trouble.
Ah.
Must have been a racer.
Where do you keep your...
He told me about
that journalist woman.
Arthur?
Shall I roll out the pastry?
Frank said
you drove her home.
Did I?
Oh, yes, that's right,
i believe I did.
Ever so glamorous, frank said.
Really? I hadn't noticed.
Just you remember
which side your bread's buttered.
Pass me that bird.
Here you go.
Thank you for taking me
to the pictures again, frank. It was...
It was ever so romantic.
Thanks for
walking me home.
Mum doesn't like me
being out after dark.
Ooh.
What're you doing?
Kissing you.
What's wrong with that?
People only kiss
like that in the films!
That's what you think.
Morning, miss winters.
Corporal Jones.
A butcher by trade.
But a soldier by nature, ma'am.
More notches on my rifle
than you've had hot dinners.
Not that you've had
too many hot dinners.
You've a fine fettle
of a figure, if I may say.
Here.
Welcome to walmington.
Thank you, Mr. Jones.
Good day.
I saw that, Jack Jones.
You just slipped her a sausage.
I didn't mean nothing by it.
And you never stamped
her book, neither.
Good morning.
Lovely morning.
Quite, quite lovely.
Daphne longfoot.
Charmed, I'm sure.
Rose. Rose winters.
You look busy, mister...
Frazer. Frazer.
Yes, well,
with the invasion any day now,
I expect business
to be brisk.
Yes.
Private Walker.
Call me Joe.
Very young for the home guard, Joe.
Didn't you enlist?
Color blind.
-Oh.
-Thought it was an allergy to corned beef.
Yeah, that and all.
All right, lads?
You need anything
for that article of yours, miss winters,
foolscap, ribbons,
you just let me know.
Will do.
Bonny, bonny lass.
William Hodges, ma'am,
air-raid warden.
Of course, it's me you
should be talking to, not the home guard.
I'm the one who gets
things done around here.
-Gas masks, air-raid warnings...
-We are in your debt.
I'm rushed off me feet.
-Cheerio.
-Ta-ta.
Look at the color, the cut.
I'm telling you, it's Chanel.
I'd know it anywhere.
Chanel in walmington?
She seems
ever so interested in hearing about
your brother's cabbages,
miss Godfrey.
She seems most civilized.
They said that about the ripper.
I won the war
against snails this year.
Salt, that's the answer.
Salt?
Carry on.
She'll be taking our men next.
Mr. sponge said she
kissed your frank, and not on the cheek.
I'd look closer to home
if I was you, Mrs. fox.
She had a big smile
on her face
when she came out
that butcher's just now.
What's that
supposed to mean?
Handsome woman.
Is she?
Wouldn't know.
Seems a good sort.
To be writing about us, I mean.
Seeing her again after
so long is really rather discombobulating.
Well, you know, confusing.
Yes, I know what discombob...
Discombobu...
I know what it means, Wilson.
So, you knew her at Oxford.
I was her tutor for a while.
But you two weren't...
Weren't...
Well, it looked
like maybe you were...
Were...
Or had been, you know.
Hmm?
Oh.
That? No! No, no, no.
-Good lord, no.
-Jolly good.
Important we're clear.
Parade at 6:00. Don't be late.
- Morning.
- Good morning.
Take these
through to the cashier, would you, Wilson?
Certainly, sir.
What are you doing, pike?
Stupid...
Platoon, fall in!
Platoon, right turn!
Two, three, one!
By the left.
Quick march!
Uh...
Mr. frazer,
Mr. Godfrey, about turn!
Sorry, everyone.
Platoon, right turn!
Now, miss winters,
may I say,
you do look lovely tonight.
I beg your pardon.
Ah!
Colonel.
I didn't mean you look lovely.
No, no, no,
of course not. Far from it.
Not that you look unlovely.
I'm sure to many you are lovely.
Not really my area.
About the patrol.
Ah. Yes, a great honor.
Sergeant Wilson
will be here any moment for your briefing.
We'll crack on without him.
Golf club do. Wife in the car.
Your orders are simple, mainwaring.
You're to stick
to the coastal path at all times.
Do not approach
the base in any way. Understood?
Not approach the base?
But surely we need...
Are you questioning
an order, mainwaring?
As you know,
the home guard have been asked for cuts
to help with
the big push into France.
Has it?
We'll be reviewing the troops.
Sorting the wheat from
the chaff, as it were.
I won't beat about the bush.
Walmington feels chaffy.
My men are as
keen as mustard, sir.
Your sergeant
doesn't seem to be.
First patrol,
this Saturday, 0900. Put on a good show.
There's no better way
of saving the platoon.
Must dash.
We should get together
sometime, play a round with the wives.
Barbara loves a four-ball.
Carry on, old man.
Chaffy.
Platoon, fall in!
Attention!
Where is sergeant Wilson?
In bed,
i shouldn't wonder.
Caught a chill
up on the downs.
Poppycock.
Saw him coming out
of the gent's outfitters
on the high street
just an hour ago
looking happier
than a kitten on a cow's udder.
-I like your tie.
-What?
Oh, really? This? Do you?
Well, it's just a...
Pfft.
I often thought of you
over the years, Arthur.
Teaching, whitehall, perhaps,
but never in walmington-on-sea.
Well, it has its charms.
You were such
a good teacher, Arthur.
Well, I don't remember
teaching you anything.
You seemed to
know it all already.
You were so handsome,
dashing...
I haven't dashed
anywhere for years.
Age has only
improved you, Arthur.
Well...
Well, I better be off.
That night
at the summer ball, do you remember?
I so wanted you to kiss me.
Didn't you want to kiss me?
Well, I suppose.
Well, I was your tutor,
and there were rules.
Oh. Rules.
Strangled the life
out of this country.
Tell me about your briefing
with colonel theakes.
I didn't go.
Oh.
But I want to write about
your patrol in my article.
Don't worry.
Mainwaring will tell you everything tomorrow.
You'll have a job stopping him.
Chaffy.
Chaffy.
My platoon is not chaffy.
Public school boy.
Mmm?
Yeah, theakes has
met his match with me.
I shall make sure
miss winters' article is so glowing about us,
they'll have to pin
medals on the lot of us.
Come to bed.
I'm on top tonight.
I'm asleep, George.
Sleep well, dear.
I'll be lucky.
Trapped wind again.
Arthur.
Oh.
Good morning.
Ah. Good morning.
Where was you last night?
Oh. Last night
as in last night?
You was at the oak
with miss winters.
Was I?
Oh, yes,
that's right, I was, yeah.
Catching up on old times.
Oh...
-You look dreadful.
-Well.
You didn't come
for your breakfast.
Good lord,
I'm late for work.
Mrs. Todd said
you proper pushed the boat out.
Woolton pie, jam roly-poly.
Mavis, you have
nothing to worry about.
I promise you.
If you want roly-poly, Arthur,
I'll give you roly-poly.
And my roly-poly
will knock her roly-poly into a cocked hat.
8:00, after parade,
roly-poly.
Mmm.
Don't be late.
Roly-poly.
Oh, miss winters.
I say, miss winters.
We're so confused,
aren't we, cissy?
Our brother, Charles,
told us that you're writing an article
on the home guard
for the lady magazine.
-Yes.
-But they just did one.
We subscribe, you see.
-And they never do two of anything.
-No.
It's a follow-up article.
The first was so well received,
they commissioned another.
Oh.
Well,
that would explain it.
Excuse me, ladies.
Captain mainwaring.
Ah!
Miss winters.
What a pleasant surprise.
I was on my way to see you.
Are you busy?
My little break.
Perhaps you'd join me.
They do a very
passable Chelsea bun.
I'd be delighted.
Better before the war,
of course.
These days, it's a case
of "spot the currant."
But one mustn't grumble.
Mmm...
I do like your dress,
miss winters.
Oh, thank you, Vera.
You can have the
pattern if you like.
Oh.
Well, I don't know what to say.
Oh.
Good of you.
Well, a woman should
always look her best,
especially at wartime,
don't you agree?
I think you do, splendidly.
I'm keen for you to
get to know the platoon,
-not just as soldiers but as men.
-Mmm.
Brave, dedicated,
honest to a fault.
Nylons, miss winters?
Fresh off the back of a lorry,
if you know what I mean.
Walker, miss winters
and I are discussing military matters.
Of course you are!
Life in the old dog yet, ey?
Yeah.
Arms to the shoulder line!
Left, right, left, right.
In short, I shall do
everything in my power
to make your article
as informative and positive as possible.
Are you?
Oh, yes.
Thank you.
Well, I expect nothing less
from a natural leader like yourself.
Well, I...
Would you mind
just taking off your spectacles for me?
Whatever for?
Very well.
Ah.
I knew it.
There's a glint.
A certain fire in the eyes.
You remind me of someone.
Really?
I wonder who that could be.
Churchill.
Winston Churchill.
-Really?
-You have so many of his qualities.
Never given it much thought,
but I suppose I do.
It's uncanny!
I like to think
that if we met,
we'd both be
the richer for it.
Oh, yes.
Why don't you join us
at parade tonight?
I shall be briefing the platoon
on the patrol, stiffening their resolve,
and endeavoring
to inspire them in some small way, perhaps.
Well. Until tonight, then.
Good god.
Eyes front!
What's that, Wilson?
Oh.
Nothing. What's that, sir?
Nothing.
Fall the men in, Jones.
Platoon, fall in!
Attention!
Sorry I'm late.
I was writing up my notes, captain.
I quite understand.
As Julius Caesar
himself once said,
"preparation is all."
One of my inspirations,
you know.
Murdered by his own men.
-Thank you.
-Conquered all before him.
You know, veni, vidi...
Eh...
Gather around.
-Evening, miss winters.
-Good evening.
Now, listen, men.
You all know,
you can ask me...
You all know that you
can ask me anything,
be it of a professional,
pastoral, or indeed,
a philosophical nature.
I have a question, captain.
What if life is
really a dream?
When I said philosophical,
what I meant was...
I worry about
that sometimes, sir,
that we're all of us,
nothing but the dancing spirits of the night.
-Jones.
-I'm not sure I like that idea.
What, the spirits or the dancing?
Just thinking about it
is giving me goosebumps. Look.
When you're dead, you're dead.
I've never buried anybody yet who
wasn't. Well, maybe, just the once.
Wouldn't it be terrible, sir,
if none of us really existed?
I mean, who would I sell
my sausages to?
If life's a dream, jonesy,
you'd still have to be alive,
so you could fall asleep
and dream they're buying them.
Yes, thank you, Walker.
Walker! Settle down.
Settle down, men.
Settle down.
Now, men.
Uh, Wilson.
Now, men, I have...
Oh.
What's up with his face?
Rigor mortis, with a bit of luck.
Now, men, I have decided
after due and diligent deliberation,
to pinpoint
our preliminary patrol position, here.
In the middle
of the channel. That's interesting.
You need some
new specs, captain?
I've got some lovely ones
just come in.
Uh...
Here, and end it...
Ah!
Here.
- Wilson!
- All right, sir?
We shall patrol in pairs.
So, it would be awfully nice
if you could stay on the lookout
for enemy agents
and that sort of thing.
Yes, my sergeant and i
will now demonstrate.
Wilson.
Observe how keenly
we scan the land, the sea, and the sky.
Alert to attack
from every quarter, like coiled Springs.
All Springs are coiled, Wilson.
Look! I see something.
- Almost had my eye out.
- A parachutist.
Well, I saw him at
the same time as you, sir.
You don't need to point,
i was doing the pointing.
Two dogs, one bone.
In one jock.
When I'm already pointing.
One moment, men.
Come along.
What on earth is the matter?
I'm not sure
what you mean, sir.
You're all puffed up.
Trying to impress miss winters?
I thought that
was what you wanted.
Copying everything I do?
Stop it this instant.
That's an order.
-Any questions?
-Any questions?
We need a pose.
Beg your pardon?
Well, we're going
to be in a magazine.
We need a pose,
something heroic but menacing,
like errol Flynn
in the sea hawk.
Stupid boy.
How about this?
There won't be
any need for poses.
Miss winters won't be
joining us on patrol.
- What?
- Order, order.
Men, men. Order, please.
Only authorized personnel
will be joining us on the coastal path.
Platoon is the
subject of her article, not the patrol.
I understand one or two of you have brought
along some personal items
you'd like to share with her.
Who'd like to go first?
Evening, mavis.
I'm just stretching my legs.
Likewise, I'm sure.
Thank you, frazer.
Frazer.
George!
Where are your glasses?
Hello, dear.
Just resting my eyes.
Don't! It makes
you look piggy.
Come along.
Come on, Joe.
Darts night.
-I don't play darts.
-You do now.
Frank.
Lifeboat's on in eastgate.
Can't you see I'm busy?
Frank, where's Arthur?
Mavis.
What a...
What a lovely surprise.
New suit, Arthur?
Uh, what?
No, no, no. It's...
You can wear it for
what's left of your dinner.
Elizabeth mainwaring, ats.
Officer, first class.
Rose winters.
You do a marvelous job.
I believe in fighting
for what's ours
and crushing
the enemy underfoot.
Don't you?
I'll say good night,
Mrs. mainwaring.
George.
Night, frank.
Time and tide, George.
"Cottage,
4:00 P.M. please come."
George!
Coming, dear.
-Hello, Joe.
-Oh. Strike a light!
I thought you was old bill.
Quite a hoard
you have here.
I take it you don't
believe in rationing.
Well, keep your head down
and earn a few Bob,
that's what I believe in.
Since they shut
off the army base, I've got a right backlog.
I'm making up for lost time.
Captain mainwaring
said you're not going near the base.
Once I'm inside the compound,
there'll be no stopping me.
You know,
i should really report this.
Come on, then.
We all have our price,
miss winters.
What's yours?
Petrol? Navy cut?
Bootleg French perfume?
Chanel no. 5?
When you go to the base,
take me with you.
You're not coming on the patrol.
You're not the only one
who knows how to get what they want, Joe.
Of course, this will be
quilted for extra comfort
on your eternal slumber.
Yes, I'd be quite happy
to decompose in this.
We'll take two, Mr. frazer.
I don't suppose
you would consider a discount.
Well, to avail
yourself of that,
you would both
have to pass on before the end of the month.
Oh. We're not ready
to go quite yet, are we, cissy?
Mother lived to 101.
Miss winters, one moment!
Miss winters.
Cissy rang the lady
magazine in London
to inquire about
your follow-up article.
And they know
nothing about it, or you.
You're on the run from the police.
You killed a man
with your umbrella.
Oh, I do apologize,
miss winters.
She is cursed with
a romantic spirit.
I know.
You're a secret agent.
A German spy
sent here to discover
the invasion plans
and bring
the allies to their knees.
I'm afraid the truth
is far less colorful than that, ladies.
I work for
the associated press.
They place all their
articles uncredited.
I hope that's cleared up
the confusion for you.
Good day.
Hello, captain. Welcome.
I do like your hat.
Oh. This old thing?
-Please, come on in.
-Yeah.
Sorry about the manner
of my invitation.
No, no.
No. Not at all.
I was hoping
you'd tell me more
about your unique
leadership style.
Well,
I'm not one to
blow my own trumpet,
but I lead by example.
There's nothing I would ask
my men to do that I would not do myself.
Hmm.
Cake?
It's rather small, I'm afraid.
We eat
as a free people,
not under the Nazi heel.
One thing my
men know for sure,
the jackboot will not tread
upon this hallowed land
while there is breath in this...
Are you all right?
Gone down the wrong way.
You speak so
eloquently, captain.
Have you never committed
your thoughts to paper?
No, there's not enough
hours in the day, I'm afraid.
Leadership is many things,
miss winters.
Rose, I insist.
Leadership is
many things, rose.
But most of all,
it's about vision.
Oh.
Oh.
-Cake on the floor. Cake on the...
-You're quite right, though.
So sorry.
Europe is crying out
for a man of vision, clarity,
even ruthlessness.
Quite.
Get the trains
running on time.
I believe you're destined to play
a huge part in this war, George.
Really?
I do hope so.
I'm only sorry
i won't be able to write about it.
But you must.
What is the matter?
It's my editor.
He said if I don't write
about your patrol in my article,
then he won't publish it.
Come, now. Here.
Maybe if your
editor insists upon it,
then...
What?
Maybe you should...
Rose?
- Wilson.
- Hello?
What's he doing here?
I have no idea.
- One moment.
- Hello?
No, no.
I'm not here.
I'm in eastbourne with my area manager.
"A thing of beauty
is a joy forever.
"Its loveliness increases..."
Arthur, this is not the time.
Sorry. I'll come back.
No, I won't!
I've been doing
that all my life,
saying I'll come back
when I wanted to stay,
staying when I wanted to go.
Rose, that night
at the summer ball,
I wanted to kiss
you very, very much.
I should have
kissed you, like this.
Sorry.
I had feelings for you
then, rose. I still do.
Perhaps I haven't been
everything I could have been,
but perhaps
it's not too late.
Perhaps I still could be,
with a little help from someone,
someone like you.
Rose, guess who!
-Frank? What's he doing here?
-I have no idea.
One moment.
I've come to find you.
"Here's looking at you, kid."
Frank, you've been drinking.
Mum's ginger wine.
It don't half make you squiffy.
I got your note.
I can read between the lines.
I know what
you're really saying.
See, you're a woman
and I'm a man.
With a drawn on moustache.
I'm errol Flynn.
- Kiss me.
- Frank!
Mum?
I know you're in there.
-Frank?
-I got this licked, sugar.
Can you hear me?
Mum?
You get
yourself out here, now.
I've got an
announcement to make.
Look at the state of you.
Me and miss winters
are in love.
Don't be ridiculous.
Good afternoon, sir.
Wilson.
Out. Now.
The window. Quickly.
George. George.
The patrol.
Can I come?
Yes, of course.
There you...
How dare you lead
my little boy astray.
You stay away from him.
From both of 'em.
Wilson.
Get in.
Taking in the air,
mainwaring?
Recceing an exercise
for the men, sir.
Yes,
well, we're all busy.
I've got a ten-footer
on the eighth for a half.
-Cunningham.
-Meeks.
From mi5. Captain,
we have a situation.
We've picked up
an enemy radio signal sent from this area.
To the abwehr in Berlin.
An enemy spy is operating
somewhere near here.
Codename cobra,
no less.
He'll be after
information on the Dover base.
Operation bodyguard
was set up a year ago
to keep Hitler guessing
about the invasion.
Decoys, deception,
that sort of thing.
This could cost us
the war, captain.
If you see anything in
the least suspicious,
call us.
We're counting on you.
It could be
anyone, mainwaring.
Enemy radio signal...
Enemy spy is operating
somewhere near here.
It could be
anyone, mainwaring.
Anyone.
She's old enough
to be your mother.
Creeping around there,
declaring undying love.
Honestly, frank,
what were you thinking?
Who'd do a stupid,
brainless thing like that?
Exactly. I mean...
Not your uncle Arthur,
that's for sure.
Frank.
Are you just gonna
throw our life away?
Frank.
How have I upset you?
Uh.
I don't wanna lose you, frank.
We're finished, Vera.
"You and I don't
amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world."
Bye.
Bye.
I must go.
I may not be
educated like her.
I may not be rich
like her, or beautiful.
But god help me,
Arthur Wilson,
I love you,
and I'm not giving you up without a fight.
Oh...
Night, uncle Arthur.
Good night, son.
How was Mr. gribbins?
Hmm?
He's your area manager.
You met him today
in eastbourne, apparently.
Oh, uh...
Fine. Fine.
I saw your trousers.
Tried to bite you, did he?
What's the matter?
Have you seen a ghost?
Sorry, dear.
Rather a long day.
Evening, mainwaring.
Evening.
Put that light out.
No.
Captain mainwaring.
Mrs. fox and I are
doing a Jigsaw puzzle, sir.
Bit of sky fell
down the sofa.
We need to talk.
I'll say good night,
then.
Unless you're going to
burst in on me later,
and have your wicked way.
Night, Mrs. fox.
Jones, I want you to remain calm.
What I have to tell you
is highly confidential.
-What, a spy? A real one?
-Quiet, Jones.
You're the only person I've told.
How do you know, sir?
I've had a visit from mi5.
Mi5? Why are you telling me?
You think it's me, don't you?
You think I'm the spy.
You've come here
to arrest me.
Of course not, Jones.
Sit down.
I've come here because
i intend to catch him.
But things could get nasty,
and you're the only
one of us who's ever actually, you know...
-Thusly.
-Aye, sir.
-Thusly.
-Quite.
I may need you to
dispatch him, Jones.
Sit tight for now.
I shall be in touch.
Meantime,
put an edge on that.
Very good, sir.
Don't panic, Jack.
Don't panic.
It's easy.
-Arthur.
-Rose.
I apologize about earlier.
Oh, no, don't.
I have feelings for you, too.
Seeing you again has
brought them all back.
I'm leaving tomorrow
night after the patrol.
I want you to come with me.
Tomorrow night?
Tomorrow night's bridge night.
I need your answer.
After the patrol.
-Oh. Captain mainwaring.
-Morning, ladies.
Captain mainwaring, we have
discovered something terribly exciting
about miss winters.
Straight out of greenmantle.
I can't stop.
My country needs me.
Well, please yourself,
Mr. mainwaring.
Off to win the war, Napoleon?
Just you wait, Hodges.
Today is going to be
the pinnacle of my military career.
Don't tell me, you're gonna
collect colonel theakes's laundry?
-Wilson.
-Morning, sir.
About yesterday,
we're both men of the world.
Are we, sir?
Well, yes.
I suggest that we...
Draw a veil.
Precisely.
Consider it drawn.
Colonel, we're just
about to set off.
Mi5 have picked up
another signal from the spy.
They've narrowed down
his location, mainwaring.
He's in walmington.
Walmington? Good lord.
They're putting a cordon
round the town to flush him out.
I want your platoon
at their disposal
as soon as you've
finished patrol.
You'd better let your men know.
Of course, colonel.
It's imperative that
he's caught, mainwaring.
The allies cross
into France in 48 hours.
- A spy?
- In walmington?
-I can feel it in my bones.
-Walmington?
I'll catch him, sir.
What does he look like?
We don't know, frank.
That's rather
the point with spies.
His target is
the army base at Dover.
We need to keep
a close watch on those cliffs.
I want to catch him.
And make today
the proudest in our history.
He's close by.
I can feel him.
Uncle Arthur!
Uncle Arthur!
Do be quiet, frank.
Ah.
I can see something, sir.
- Where?
- Look.
Don't panic,
Mr. Godfrey. Keep pointing.
-I'll alert my commanding officer.
-What is it?
It's over there.
Look. Can you see?
What is it, Godfrey?
It's a spy.
A spy over there. See? There.
He's sending a signal.
What?
The spy.
Yes. White.
White, brown. White, brown.
White, brown. White, brown.
White, brown. White, brown.
White, brown.
White... god.
As you were, men.
It's a rabbit.
Sir. Sir, are you sure it's not
a tiny spy dressed as a rabbit?
These Nazi spies
are a devious lot, sir.
What a fanciful notion, Jones.
This weighs a ton.
The base is
just over the rise.
Carry this for me,
would you, jonesy?
Righto.
I'm just gonna
take some samples over.
Here you go.
It's now or never.
It ain't half
heavy, Mr. Jones.
No, light as a feather.
Are you all right,
Mr. Jones?
Yeah, yeah, I'll be fine.
-Come on, rose.
-Thank you.
Blimey.
They've been busy.
What are you doing?
Well, a girl has
to look her best.
Look,
Mr. Jones, a kittiwake.
Whoa, whoa.
All right, Mr. Jones.
Don't you worry about me,
Mr. Godfrey.
I'm strong as an ox
and twice as hairy.
If I see the spy,
I'm going to throw pepper in his eyes.
Whoa...
I might have to ask him
to stand downwind of me, mind you, but...
Mr. Jones?
Mr. Jones?
Mr. Jones?
Captain mainwaring!
Mr. Jones has gone over!
Oh, no.
He can't be.
To the beach, men,
at the double.
Captain!
Jones?
- Jones!
- He's alive.
- Thank heavens.
- Hold on tight.
Don't panic.
I am panicking, sir.
I can't help it.
Rope. We need rope, men.
Where's Walker?
He's gone to
the base to get help.
-Well, fetch him, pike.
-Yeah.
Hold on, Jones.
Jones.
Joe! Joe,
Mr. Jones has gone over. We need rope.
Hold on tight! We're coming.
Can you come
fairly quickly, sir?
Terrible. I never
got his measurements.
Yeah, that'll do.
Come on.
Tie it off, Jones!
Tie it off.
Yeah, yeah, it's tied off.
Chain's tied off, yeah.
- Hold on tight, jonesy.
- Pull him up, men.
- One, two, three.
- Jonesy, you're safe as houses.
- Pull!
- Hold on, Jones!
You okay?
Hold on, Jones!
I'm rotating, sir.
I'm rotating.
- Give me your hand, Jones!
- That's it.
- Pull!
- Pull! Pull, men!
- Jones, pull.
- That's it, well done.
- Grab his arse.
- Well done.
Thank you, sir.
I thought I was a goner.
My whole life
flashed before my eyes.
At least I think it was my life.
Right, let's get this chain
back to the base.
You gave me
a real fright, Mr. Jones.
Right, up you come,
jonesy.
There's a sight
for sore eyes, Walker?
Makes you proud to be British.
Stone the crows.
Here, the whole place is a fake!
Miss winters.
Vera.
What brings you out here?
I saw you
out on the sands.
It's frank.
I know he's a silly boy,
but he'll make a fine man one day.
I love him, miss winters.
Trouble is, he loves you.
Just a little crush, perhaps.
Nothing to worry about.
Besides, I leave tonight.
Oh.
Oh.
Where are you off to next?
Paris? New York?
You life's so glamorous
compared to mine.
What's that?
You hear that?
Stay where you are.
I'm going home to Berlin.
It's a complete and utter balls-up.
Operation bodyguard took yonks
to put into place and you...
You have destroyed it
in seconds, you imbecile.
The entire invasion plan will have to
be put back now because of you
until, I don't know, June.
And I'm meant to be
going sailing in June.
My men have now
secured all but one of the tanks, brigadier.
It is quite possible
that the spy saw absolutely nothing.
Captain mainwaring!
Captain mainwaring!
Oh, yes, Napoleon.
This is the pinnacle of your career, all right.
You are stripped
of your rank with immediate effect.
Wilson, you have the command.
Oxford man, sir.
Good show.
The future of this
platoon is under review.
-Brigadier.
-Dismissed.
I'm sorry, sir.
It's all my fault,
falling off the cliff like that.
No, Jones.
Men,
it's been a privilege.
Upsy-Daisy.
Arthur, I need your answer.
I'm not coming, rose.
It's a dream
of another life.
Didn't you hear him?
That mi5 are gonna question us
all, first thing they get here.
But I don't know nothing.
They'll use
the thumbscrews.
My train leaves in an hour.
Will you come
and see me off?
For old times' sake?
Of course.
That's decided then.
Thank you, vicar.
Goodbye.
George, I thought
you were on patrol.
So, it's been agreed.
The choir will form
the head of the parade
while the platoon
brings up the rear.
Whatever you say, dear.
There's no point
arguing about it.
George, you're white as a sheet.
I shan't be on parade.
I'm no longer
a serving officer in the home guard.
I've been let go.
I beg your pardon?
They're thinking of disbanding
the platoon 'cause of me.
All I ever wanted
in this war was to do my bit.
Mainwaring residence.
Two nights ago,
he invited me for a drink
to talk about old times.
It was so awkward.
He tried to kiss me.
Oh, the cad.
So I came in here
and I heard a sound,
like static or
a transmitter or something.
He told me it was
his wireless, but...
Good lord.
Captain pigeon ring!
The incriminalizing evidentials!
Some sort of code.
What sort of
language is that?
German, perhaps.
Captain, look.
Oh, no.
1:24.
Still time.
Jones.
Sir, I want to tell you
something in complete continence.
I've never killed a man.
What?
Fine time to tell me, Jones.
All those stories
about the Sudan?
Well, I was there
all right, sir. Army catering corps.
When I come back,
i sort of emblemished the truth.
Who wants to know
he went all the way to the Sudan to make tea?
Well, you know what they say.
"Cometh the hour,
cometh the man."
Guten evening,
herr Wilson. Handies hoch.
I beg your pardon?
About to abscond, are we?
Sir, I'm not a spy.
Well, I shouldn't be surprised.
Your class has always
had a talent for treachery.
This war will sweep
your kind away, Wilson,
and I for one will not
mourn its passing.
You turn my stomach.
Coward!
I don't know
what I'll do if they disband us.
My sisters like to play
canasta in the evenings.
I find it all
rather complicated.
I'm joining the ats.
Darn sight prettier than you lot.
Well, look who's here.
Men who lost us the war.
That's most unkind, Mr. Hodges.
Who needs the enemy
when we've got the home guard?
You're a shambles,
the lot of you.
How dare you say that?
Mr. frazer and Mr. Jones
fought in the first war.
Mr. Godfrey was
a stretcher bearer.
You're not fit to lick their boots.
And you wanna watch
your lip, sunshine.
All you do
is whistle at people.
"Put that light out!
Put that light out!"
Shut your mouth,
you little mummy's boy.
I'll have your guts for garters.
Behave yourself.
I have grave news, men.
Grave news indeed.
Well, look who it is.
The failure-in-chief.
Evidence has been found
indicating sergeant Wilson is the spy.
Sergeant Wilson?
No, he's not good-looking enough.
He can't be the spy.
He'd have told us.
It's over, mainwaring.
Go home, man.
You've been stripped
of your command,
stripped naked
in the eyes of the world,
and it's a terrible sight.
Corporal Jones and I have
discovered a crystal radio set
hidden under his desk
and top-secret documents
written in German.
-No way.
-God, German.
I've locked him
into the church hall until mi5 arrive.
I'm telling mum.
In the meantime, I shall be
reassuming command of the platoon.
I knew it, captain.
I never liked Wilson, anyway.
Well, I take no pleasure in this,
frazer, but a spy is a spy.
Oh, you've solved it,
have you?
Oh, we had our suspicions
from the start, didn't we, cissy?
We just couldn't
put our finger on it.
Turns out it was
staring us in the face.
Miss winters is a foreign agent.
Miss winters, a spy?
She can't be. She's a woman.
I shall go and break the news
to her at Sully point.
I'm coming with you.
Good of you, Walker,
but I think I should go alone.
Meet me at the
church hall in an hour,
and we shall discuss
a guard rota for the traitor Wilson.
Dolly dear, what did you mean it
was staring you in the face?
Miss winters' clothes, of course.
That Chanel dress in particular.
So, we phoned
the fashion house in Paris
to ask if anyone there knew her.
A very nice young man
in records confirmed
that she bought regularly
from their collections,
and they sent them
directly to her home.
That was the missing
piece of the Jigsaw, wasn't it, cissy?
But what was it?
Ooh. The address,
silly Billy.
Miss winters lives in Berlin.
Berlin.
Well, come on, look lively.
Godfrey, let's go.
Berlin.
Berlin, yeah. Lovely.
Why were you there, Arthur?
Were you really leaving me
and frank?
I've been standing
at a crossroads, mavis.
Staring down a road I never took.
I wasn't leaving you.
I went to say goodbye to her.
My life is here
with you, dearest,
and with frank.
I know that now.
Release him, jonesy.
I've always said it,
the man's as innocent as a newborn babe.
He's a Nazi spy.
We caught him at the station
about to abscons.
Abscond, jonesy.
Rose winters asked me
to see her off.
She's the spy or my name's
not James Donald nathrachean frazer.
Yes, you see,
my sisters found out, she lives in Berlin.
They're frightfully clever,
those two.
Later, if you wouldn't mind,
Mr. Godfrey.
Yes.
-Jones, untie me.
-Give it here, Jack.
No hard feelings,
i hope, sergeant?
Even when you
was a Nazi pig dog,
I still felt warmly towards you.
Uncle Arthur, the coast guard just
spotted a u-boat off Sully point.
Real Germans.
Permission to panic, sergeant.
Permission denied.
It'll be her escape route.
Where's mainwaring?
Blimey. I forgot.
He's gone after her.
He's in danger.
Jones, the rifles.
Very good, sir.
We can't just go
storming down there mob-handed.
They'll see us
coming a mile off.
Not if we go in camouflage.
We'd give a lovely
marran grass effect with all this hay.
Excellent! Men, the hay.
No, Arthur. I won't let you.
I have no choice.
Stop messing about.
At the double, Mr. Godfrey.
If you'd be so kind.
Miss winters.
Miss winters.
We've caught him.
Wilson, I mean.
Huge shock, I know.
Who knows
what lurks in the hearts of men, etcetera?
I'm here if you need me.
A shoulder to cry on.
Good lord.
U-boat. U-boat!
You will play a big role
in this war, mainwaring,
as the fool who
lost england the war.
Churchill?
They don't like it up 'em.
Mrs. pike,
what's the matter?
Miss winters is a spy.
The men have gone to
Sully point after her, and there's a u-boat!
They've got no backup.
Daphne, would you be kind enough to
rustle us up some hardware?
Thanks to you, George,
they'll be waiting in normandy to
drive the allies back into the sea.
Help!
Help!
Help!
Vera.
Help!
Have you no heart?
I burn with passion
to see my fuhrer walk up whitehall.
We will never surrender.
Coming, Vera!
Vera!
Cometh the hour.
Well done, jonesy.
Next time,
i won't be so kind-hearted!
Take cover, men!
Run, captain!
Come on.
Oh, sir.
Wilson.
Your command, sir.
Welcome back.
Thank you, Wilson. Men!
We must prevent miss winters
from escaping.
But first, we must rescue
Vera shilton from the incoming tide.
"It's a far better thing I do now
than I have ever done."
Don't be silly, frank.
Please don't!
Ronald colman,
a tale of two cities.
I saw that.
Basil rathbone was frightfully good in that.
- I'm coming, Vera!
- Frank, no!
Pike, get back here!
He'll never make it.
He's got flat feet.
I'm going after him.
No, you'll be cut to pieces.
I must.
We shall create a diversion.
Let me try something.
What did you say,
Mr. Godfrey?
I said, "where is my
good-night snuggle, sweetheart?"
Frank!
Uncle Arthur, I'm scared.
Frank, it's not Betty grable.
It's not Rita...
What's the one with the red hair?
-Hayworth.
-That's the one.
It's Vera.
Your real, live Vera.
Frank!
Need another diversion.
I'll give them something that'll
put the fear of god into them.
Hey!
Run!
Vera!
Frank.
Excellent, frazer.
I haven't finished yet, sir.
Quite enough, thank you.
Sod this for
a game of soldiers.
Walker. Walker!
Walker, return to
your position at once!
You're a
yellow-bellied deserter!
We're doomed. Doomed!
Men...
I am a man of few words, but...
There comes a time
in a soldier's life,
when one must confront...
For god's sake, man, we're in enough
trouble without you making a speech.
It's changing direction!
Look.
It can't be.
On my command, ladies.
Fire!
Ah!
She's getting away!
Captain, no!
Joseph Walker,
you must be crazy.
Looks like you split your lederhosen
auf wiedersehen to you!
Joe.
Well, I'll be damned.
Meeks, alert the Navy.
That u-boat does
not leave the bay.
Very good, sir.
I fear
we may be too late.
Oh, my...
He was a great captain.
The best.
Oh.
Look.
And the sea delivereth him.
Yours, I believe, gentlemen.
They've sealed off the bay.
Good show, mainwaring.
Joe. Joe.
You're my hero.
Oh, leave it out, daph.
Come on, then.
Mr. Jones, I'm in awe.
How can I possibly
thank you?
You'll think of something.
I already have.
Let's finish that puzzle, shall we?
Oh, Arthur, you saved him,
our little boy.
Well, he's a man now, mavis.
Good god.
Mavis, look away.
Shouldn't do that
in front of people.
So, Jerry met his match.
Excellent work, captain.
We couldn't have done it
without you, officer.
-Elizabeth...
-Enough tosh, George.
You have a parade to lead.
Had my suspicions
about miss winters from the start.
I couldn't tell anyone,
of course.
Price of leadership.
Not bad for a shambles,
Mr. Hodges?
Bravo, mainwaring.
I never doubted you.
Touch and go for a while,
old friend, but we got there in the end.
Friend, sir?
Eyes front, shoulders back.
Sergeant in the home guard,
not a sack of potatoes.
Thank you, sir.
You really are most awfully kind.
Attention!
Where is sergeant Wilson?
In bed, I shouldn't wonder.
Caught a chill up on the downs.
Poppycock.
Saw him coming
out of the...
Whose phone is that?
Sorry, sir. Mine.
Godfrey,
take that phone out!
-Sorry, sir.
-Turn it off immediately!
Sorry, sir. Sorry.
Take it out!
I can't get it out, sir.
I've told him.
Take the...
Walker, help him with his phone.
Walker,
get a job...
Frazer,
stop talking and help him with his phone.
I've got it now.
I got it, sir.
Would you hold it?
I don't think that's period.
Corporal Jones
and I have discovered a crystal radio set in...
Under his desk
and top-secret documents
written in German.
I've locked him into
the church hall until...
Perhaps I should start
on the less
celebrated achievements of the platoon.
Now, affected by
a plague of hedgehogs,
several of us undertook to clear the
farm using only a hosepipe
and two strands of lead piping.