Dani Rovira: Vale la pena (2025) Movie Script

1
Well, Dani, the session is over.
How are you?
Well, I'm good.
I'm actually feeling better.
That's what I like to hear, Dani.
Onwards and upwards.
-Yeah, see you next week. Thanks.
-See you next week.
Dani, remember to send me the money!
The money, Dani!
ECHO
CENTER FOR PSYCHOLOGY
DANI ROVIRA
IT'S WORTH ISo I've been on a shitty streak.
Thank you very much for coming today.
And you're in luck because today, here,
we'll be talking about sadness.
There will be
quite a few confessions tonight.
The first confession I have to make
is that, for the last few years,
I've been seriously flirting
with sadness, okay?
And after all these years,
have I learned anything? Yes.
I've learned a lot.
For starters, that we don't like sadness.
We don't like feeling it,
and we don't like seeing it in others.
And we don't know how to deal with it.
Not our own, and not anyone else's.
Look, in all these years,
just one person, literally one,
has ever told me something
that actually stuck with me.
I remember, one afternoon,
I was having coffee with a friend.
I was feeling down.
I was opening up,
telling him I couldn't take it anymore.
Then suddenly, he says
I'm sharing all this
so you can use it in your own life.
Suddenly, my friend says, "Dani, bro."
"Don't be sad."
I haven't called him since.
We don't like sadness
or any other unpleasant emotion,
obviously, right?
But sadness is a bit worse
because it exposes us.
Because when the sadness gets intense,
we cry, and that exposes us.
And it's true that, even today,
crying in public
is still kind of a taboo, right?
It shows vulnerability.
And without even realizing it,
we try to shut it down
in little kids, right?
That whole, "Don't cry.
It makes you look ugly."
The next time I hear someone say that
to a kid, I'll kick them in the chest.
The adult, I mean.
And when it comes to crying,
even now it's still seen
as a gender thing, you know?
Look, there's this famous quote
that's over 500 years old.
Some of you have probably heard it.
It was back when the Catholic Monarchs
were finishing the reconquest of Spain,
and the last stronghold left
was the Kingdom of Granada.
Remember that?
Boabdil was there with his entourage.
They'd been under siege for a long time.
Spoiler alert. It's history.
We know how it ends.
But there came a moment when Boabdil
had to hand over the keys to the city.
That had to be one of the toughest moments
for any historical figure we know.
And at that moment, Boabdil's mother,
not some in-law of her sister's cousin,
but no, Boabdil's own mother tells him,
"Cry like a woman
for what you couldn't defend like a man."
Excuse me?
Damn, you didn't hold back,
did you, Boabdila?
What's past is prologue, right?
I think it's safe to say
we've all felt sadness at some point,
some more deeply, some more often.
A while back, I started thinking about
if there was a time in my life
when sadness really pushed
its way in, you know?
Like in a way I couldn't ignore.
And, yes, I do think
there was an exact moment
around 11 years ago,
the same time
that the movie Spanish Affair came out.
Sound familiar? It does, doesn't it?
I'd never done cinema before.
Not once in my life, okay?
I was doing this kind of thing,
what you're seeing here,
and out of nowhere,
the chance to do this movie came up.
I did it, obviously.
And just like that, overnight,
I became the lead
in the highest-grossing film
in Spanish cinema history.
And the way the industry's going,
I'll take that record to the grave.
I don't know if I should laugh or cry,
but facts are facts.
I'm not sure how you all saw it,
like a big event or whatever,
but I don't know if anybody thought about
what it was like for me.
I mean, for me, it was a crazy few months
when amazing things started to happen,
and I had no idea how to deal with them.
I went from never doing a film in my life
to suddenly getting bombarded
with scripts and offers
from directors and producers.
I was like, "This is crazy!"
The demand for theater shows.
I was already doing theater,
but the demand tripled.
Like, "Dani, come do a show in Alicante!"
"Okay!"
"Dani, come do a show in Barcelona!"
"Okay!"
"Dani, come do a show in Murcia!"
"Why Murcia?"
He says, "Good point." I didn't go.
I mean, if I don't roast
the Murcian crowd a little,
I'm not happy, and neither are they.
Are there any Murcians here?
Actually, none of us care.
You know how brands work, right?
They throw a famous face on something
It works on me. I'm at home
and see an ad with a famous person,
I run out in my underwear to buy it.
So, of course, the brands would call me.
"Dani, our brand"
"Your face on our brand,
our brand on your face."
I'm like, "I don't understand anything."
Well, I started dating
the star of the movie.
It was a beautiful love story.
I mean, it was great.
On paper, from the outside, right?
You can't even imagine
what that was like for me.
But three or four months later,
one morning, I wake up
Out of nowhere, I wake up one morning,
and suddenly, I'm crying,
but full-on crying, like, "Oh shit."
Like when you have to take a dump,
and you go, "Shit."
I couldn't stop, and I didn't know why.
Then all of a sudden,
my girlfriend at the time says
one of the most sensible things
I've ever heard.
"Hey, Dani, why don't you go to therapy?"
And I said, "Okay, sure."
It's weird when you think about it, right?
Those two lines almost never go together.
"Why don't you try therapy?"
And someone just says, "Sure." No.
What usually happens is,
"Why don't you try therapy?"
"Therapy?!"
"What, a shrink? The loony bin?
You think I'm crazy?"
I say, "No, I'm not saying that."
"Am I crazy?"
They say, "No, Dani, you're not."
I say, "'Cause I've been going to therapy
for 11 years, bud."
And let me tell you something, okay?
I'm fucking tired of going to therapy
because of people who don't go to therapy.
Just saying.
Just saying.
If you're dead set
against going to therapy,
at least help pay for ours
since we're fixing our problems and yours.
Anyway, I was recommended a therapist,
the same one
I've been seeing for 11 years.
I still see him. His name is Salvador.
I'd never been to therapy before,
and suddenly, I find myself in this room
with a guy with a very kind face
sitting in an armchair,
another chair in front of him.
I sit down, and he says,
"Dani, tell me what brought you here."
At first, I didn't know what to say.
But I started opening up to him,
talking non-stop.
A full hour talking.
That's not normal for me.
And when the hour was up,
the guy stopped me and said,
"Look, Dani, what I'm picking up from you
is a deep sadness."
I was like, "Oh shit, sadness?"
I hadn't thought of that.
I was thinking maybe frustration,
pressure, stress.
No, sadness. I go, "What's up with that?"
"Dani, because two things are going on."
"One, you're grieving."
"And two, you don't know
that you're grieving."
I go, "But I don't know
anyone who's died."
And he says,
"No, it might not be literal."
"It could be a metaphorical death
of something in your life."
And suddenly,
I started to understand a lot of things.
For example, we're not aware
of how precious certain things are
because we already have them.
We only miss them once they're gone.
For example, I know
most of you have something
you don't realize you have
'cause no one's ever taken it from you.
Like arms, okay? Super obvious, right?
You don't wake up every morning
and go, "Oh, thank God."
"Another amazing Tuesday with arms."
No. I mean, we have them, right?
But I'm talking about something
a bit more subtle, which is anonymity.
You don't realize how valuable it is
until it's gone.
It hit me when I started noticing
that I could no longer do
certain everyday things,
like picking up my nephews from school,
or buy a sandwich and a beer
and head to the Mlaga beach
with a book, sit under an umbrella,
and just be left alone.
That's gone now. It's over.
You need to understand that, back then,
the moment I stepped outside,
I was a rare Pokmon.
It was wild. Well, 11 years have gone by.
You might want to ask,
"Well, Dani, how are you?"
And I'd say, "Better."
Not "well." "Better."
That's because, first off,
11 years have gone by,
because over time, you pick up tools
to deal with whatever life throws at you.
And the hype has died down.
I'm not as trendy as I used to be.
And I couldn't be more grateful.
Also, I spend a lot of time
at home these days, not gonna lie.
Tonight, I'm gonna share a bunch of tools
that helped me climb out of a rough place.
I'll also give advice.
I like giving advice.
Some people hate it.
"People who give advice"
Don't take it then. Great.
Let me give you a piece of advice,
the first one of the day.
If you're walking down the street
and see someone you truly admire,
and I mean admire for real,
not fake admiration just to snap a pic
to prove you have a big dick online,
like not caring whether
it's Pepn Nieto or Ortega Smith.
No, I mean true admiration, you know?
If you see someone like this
on the street,
my advice is
leave them alone.
Leave them alone.
Just watch from a distance,
like you're on safari.
In their habitat. See what they do.
But leave them Don't
Because you don't know
where that person's headed,
where they're coming from,
or what they're dealing with.
But if you still feel
that uncontrollable urge
to interact with that person,
here's another little tip.
First, think very carefully
about what you're gonna say or do.
Then execute.
I mean, execute your plan, not kill them.
Many things have happened over the years,
some of them more than once.
I'll tell you a couple
so we can have a laugh,
but there's one that's a classic.
Someone comes up to you and says,
"Wow, it's Dani Rovira, bro!
Wow, bro, you're my fan!"
Whatever you say, honey.
Or the other version,
"Wow, Dani Rovira, bro! I'm your idol!"
And I'm like, "Yeah, totally.
My bedroom's full of your posters man."
"Fan" and "idol" aren't the same,
but they're not opposites.
Still, I get it. Words can be confusing,
especially if you're nervous.
It happens to me all the time.
It happens to me
with "tunnel" and "bridge."
I know what a tunnel is, careful now.
I know what a bridge is, careful now.
But sometimes, when I'm talking,
I mix them up. I have to
I said to my brother,
"How'd the tunnel go at the dentist?"
He said, "What tunnel, dumbass?"
Same with "backpack" and "suitcase,"
"shirt" and "T-shirt."
And then with English,
some words always mess me up.
I don't speak English,
but I can fake it a little.
But there are two words
that always make me stop and think.
They are "after" and "before."
Because to us, "after" sounds like
"When was that?"
"It was 'after' yesterday." Like
And "before" sounds like it can wait.
"When's that for?" "That's for 'before.'"
I feel like they're the ones
who are wrong, let me tell you.
And then there'll be people who mix up
I mean, everyone has their reasons.
"I get the word 'dick'
confused with 'guacamole.'"
That's great, Nacho.
Anyway
Usually, when people run into me
on the street and approach me,
I usually end up disappointing them.
If it's just a quick interaction,
I disappoint them, just because.
And a lot of people walk away
from that interaction
thinking one of two things.
Either that I'm rude
or that I'm very shy.
I'm not shy.
I'm just discreet.
On the street, you'll always see me
with my cap on,
minding my own business,
with my headphones in,
keeping my head down.
If you leave me alone,
I'll leave you alone.
It's something I don't I mean, I'm not
It happened to me the other day
when I had a show in Burgos.
Burgos, the city that never sleeps.
My God, the streets were empty
at 4:00 p.m.
I was like, "This is great."
Suddenly, a guy on the other side
of the sidewalk yells,
"A famous guy!"
I'm like, "Seriously?"
"If you're gonna call me out,
at least be specific."
'"A famous guy.'"
"I'm sure you're famous too
in your fucking living room."
I don't know. At the very least,
you could say, "Good afternoon."
Say, "Hello," "How are you,"
or at least a verb.
Some people say, "Dani, photo!"
It sounds like, "Dani, heads up!"
Like they threw something at me.
Come on, man. Listen.
I remember one time I was in an elevator.
I think it was in a hotel.
You press the button,
going up to a high floor,
the doors start closing,
and you see someone approaching.
That's when you do that classic,
"Oh, yes"
You don't want them to enter.
You do that, "Oh, yes"
But you're not actually
pressing any buttons.
"Ah" What is this?
This is fake. This is
"Ah"
It could be your mother
in a wheelchair. "Dani"
You go, "Yes, Mom. Ah"
It closes. You go, "Fuck you, bitch."
What's wrong? We don't want it.
It's how we are.
I don't know.
We just like to be alone in the elevator.
Maybe to look in the mirror, take a photo,
adjust your nuts, whatever.
Anyway, an old man walked in
with a white beard,
white hair, wearing loose clothes,
very zen vibe, you know?
I go, "What's this guy's deal?"
Anyway, he hits the button.
We stand there
in that classic awkward elevator silence.
And he says, "Excuse me,
can I ask you a question?"
I'm thinking, "You already did,
so technically this is your second."
I go, "Yeah, of course."
He stares at me,
and he goes
"Is it you?"
Damn, he said it so seriously,
I wasn't even sure.
I looked in the mirror.
"Am I wearing a Spider-Man suit
or something?"
"Is it you?" asks the motherfucker.
It reminds me of an interview with Estopa.
One of them said he was walking,
and someone said,
"Hey, is it you or your brother?"
That's messed up.
Look, from the pandemic up to now
Don't worry,
this is the first and last time
I'll mention this global event
that flipped our lives upside down
and left everyone with a few extra burdens
to carry in our backpacks,
some more than others.
In my case, my backpack's been
full of gremlins since that event.
I've gone through quite a few losses,
more than I'd care to count, honestly.
Some were harder to handle than others,
but losses all the same.
So I want to share with you two losses
I've had to deal with over the years
that hit me very hard,
which was the loss of two great friends,
who were basically like family to me,
my life companions,
my pups Bullo and Carapapa, okay?
Also, one passed away
around eight months after the other.
I was still recovering from the first
when the second one passed.
It was like, "Wow."
Well, I cried.
I cried
I mean, I cried like a woman
for what I couldn't defend
like a veterinarian.
But, you know, it was a kind of crying
that made me go,
"Damn, I've never cried like this before."
And you know me.
I love giving names to things.
It was the kind of crying
that made me call it "a clean cry."
"A clean cry." I mean, I felt pain.
I missed them. I felt sadness.
I even had that sobbing hiccup like
All of that. But it felt clean.
You know why?
Because I didn't feel guilt.
It's a relief. I didn't feel guilt.
They died at 12 years old.
Could they have lived longer? Sure.
Could they have died sooner? Absolutely.
But we had a great time together.
I saved their lives.
In a way, they saved mine as well.
I mean, it's all good.
Also, my therapist Salvador always says,
"Dani, crying is a way
to heal your mourning
as well as a way to honor
what is no longer here, right?"
"And when the tears turn into stories,
into laughter, into memories,
you've got to keep going,
because it's a way to honor
what is no longer here."
So with that in mind,
I'm gonna tell you a little story
from the first weeks
when I first got my dog, Carapapa.
I'd never had a dog before.
Total newbie. I had no clue.
And suddenly, there I was,
alone in my apartment
with this little furball,
barely three kilos,
just three or four months old, a puppy.
That first week, it was 24/7.
We were inseparable.
I was like, "How does this work?"
She was like, "How does he work?"
We were like
But at some point, you have to go to work.
If you live alone, you gotta leave her
at home alone for a bit.
The first few times, it's like, "Wow."
I set up everything for her.
Her bed, something for her to drink.
Water, of course. I don't give her Coke.
I leave her some food.
I make sure everything is safe. All good.
And I head off to work,
but I'm a bit reluctant, you know?
After six or seven hours,
I come back home,
and the neighbor pops out and goes,
"Dani, she's been crying all morning
and scratching the door with her paw."
I'm like, "Oh no. Seriously"
I open the door and see two or three
puddles of pee, a little turd.
The chair leg was all chewed up, like
And there she is, in the hallway,
looking super nervous, like
Peeing herself.
I go, "Oh, you poor thing."
"Carapapa, come now, what's wrong?"
"There we go.
Everything's okay. Don't worry."
"You wanna go to therapy?"
"Okay, then." Okay, right?
Watch out.
Anyway, I get a recommendation
for a dog trainer, an ethologist.
And I talk to him
and explain what happened.
And he says, "Look, Dani, don't worry."
"That's completely normal,
especially with new pups."
"What you're dealing with
is something called separation anxiety."
And I'm like, "Wow!"
And I ask, "What is that exactly?"
And he says, "Well, basically,
that means your dog
has separation anxiety."
The definition's in the name.
So I go,
"Okay, is there something I can do?"
He goes, "Yes, there are a few methods.
They aren't too complicated."
"You just need to be consistent."
I tried a few,
but one in particular really helped.
And I thought it was very touching,
so I want to share it with you.
The guy said, "Look, Dani,
when you go out for a few hours,
just leave her a piece of your clothing
that smells like you, okay?"
As you know, dogs have a sense of smell
a thousand times sharper than ours.
And their sense of smell
is also closely linked to their emotions,
which is really special.
We had that too, but we've lost it
trying to be so civilized.
It sounded great.
He says, "When you leave,
leave clothing that smells like you."
"Dogs have their own
sort of magical thought process,
and if they can smell someone
who represents their friend,
their protector,
their guardian, their family,
it helps them stay calm."
I go, "Man, that's beautiful.
I'll give it a try."
So before I head out to work,
I go to my closet
where there's a pile of clothes,
and I go like this
And I see a winter pajama top
from the Stone Age.
I grab it, smell it, and go,
"Holy shit, it really smells like me!"
"It smells more like me than I do. How?"
So before I leave,
I move her bed out like this
into the hallway,
I take the pajama top,
I pick up the puppy.
I set her down there, plop.
She lays there peacefully
with her head on the pajama like this
She was super calm.
I left her there thinking,
"Man, this will either kill you
or make you stronger."
So I left, thinking,
"Well, let's see if this works."
I came back six or seven hours later.
You'll notice I never work eight.
And the neighbor hasn't come out
to say anything yet.
And I open the door.
And I see the bed,
the pajama top,
but the dog wasn't there,
which was my primary focus, obviously.
And I stop, look around,
start listening closely,
and I hear
I have a hallway here and a living room
Well, the living room.
It's not like I have 17 living rooms.
I go over,
and on the floor near the sofa, I see
Look, I keep a blanket on the sofa.
It's that typical blanket
you use for a post-lunch nap.
I'm Andalusian. What can I say?
It must have been dangling down,
and the dog must have used
her mouth or paw to drag it down.
Anyway, I saw the blanket on the floor,
all bunched up,
and the dog fast asleep on top of it,
comfy as can be.
I said, "Of course,
the blanket smells like me."
"The fucker self-medicated."
Of course.
And I said, "Well, as long as it worked"
I picked up the blanket, put it back
on the sofa, spent the day with her,
and the pajama trick again
the next day.
She did the blanket thing
three more times.
The fourth time,
when I tried to put it back,
she gave me a mob boss look
like Joe Pesci, and said,
"This blanket is mine now, for good."
I went
And from then on, that blanket was hers.
It stayed with her
for the rest of her life,
until the very end.
And by then, of course, it smelled
way more like her than it did like me.
In case any of you have a new dog at home
who's having a hard time,
first, call a professional.
And you should know there are
some really helpful techniques out there.
This is kind of a turning point
in the show, okay?
You've been a great audience.
You've been holding my hand
through all of this.
So I want to thank you
by sharing a confession with you.
And you know it's true because
this is the show that will be aired.
I didn't release the other one.
The audience sucked.
This one will be aired.
That's the truth.
When you find out I said the same thing
on the other show
I've got a confession for you.
A little gift for you, okay?
Attention.
I'm a big fan,
and I mean a huge fan.
Damn, I've got you hooked, don't I?
You'd join a fucking cult
if I asked you to.
Watch out. No, I'm kidding.
Okay, here goes.
I'm a huge, and I mean huge fan
of eating pussy.
Huge fan.
Eating pussy is probably
one of my top ten favorite things in life.
Imagine if I just changed topics.
You'd go, "What's going on?"
"He went from
talking about trauma to pussy."
Don't worry. Take my hand.
Let's go to a safe place.
Don't worry.
Okay.
Since I'm such a huge fan,
whenever I get the chance,
anytime the situation allows for it,
I ask to do it, I make a request.
Matthew 7:7, "Ask and you shall receive."
It's in the Bible.
And look, for whatever reason,
in all these years,
I think I'm just a very lucky person,
I've been granted
the opportunity enough times
to be able to say I'm a fucking rock star
when it comes to eating pussy.
When it comes to eating pussy,
nobody's got anything on me, okay?
Nobody.
Okay.
Having said that
Having said that,
I'd like to offer you all
a little gift tonight.
Your imagination really ran
with that one, huh?
I'd have a six-pack on my tongue
by the end of the night.
No. What I want to give you
are a few tips,
some advice,
so that, from now on,
whenever you dive into
the beautiful act of cunnilingus,
you can make it
a much more satisfying experience, okay?
You might be thinking,
"Damn, Dani will give us advice
on eating pussy better."
No.
No, that's not what this is about.
My advice is
for people who have a pussy
and let us eat them out.
Just switching perspectives here. Okay.
Having said that, before we jump in,
I feel like it's the perfect moment
to begin with a brief bit
of genital anatomy context, okay?
I think it's necessary.
You might say, "No, it's not."
It's always necessary
to give a bit of context, okay?
Excuse me if I get a bit technical, okay?
What is a dick?
I'm going to say "dick" and "pussy" a lot.
Excuse me.
They're just three syllables,
just like any other repeated word.
We're adults here.
No need for euphemisms
if there's already a word for something.
What is a dick?
The dick is one of the human body's
anatomical-genital devices,
located just below the pubic area.
It's a part of the body
that sticks out, okay?
Some stick out more,
and others you need a mirror for.
Look.
And since I love names and metaphors
Look, if I was a cathedral
Picture this. If I was a cathedral,
it would be the gargoyle, okay?
Cathedrals and gargoyles
Plenty to go around.
How many times
have you seen a huge cathedral,
and the gargoyle ends up disappointing?
Or maybe you see a little parish church,
and the gargoyle
can't fit through the door.
Or maybe you see a cathedral.
"Where's the gargoyle?"
It has one, but since the cathedral
hasn't been well-kept and is overgrown,
you can't see it.
That needs to be trimmed.
Or maybe the cathedral wall is so smooth
that you can see the gargoyle
from Albacete.
Some gargoyles have big heads.
Some gargoyles look sad.
Some gargoyles tilt one way,
some the other way.
Some gargoyles have lost their firmness
over the years.
You've got the micro-gargoyle,
the pencil one
There are so many types of gargoyles.
And all of them are beautiful.
And all of them deserve
to feel pleasure, okay?
Also, I think
the dick is a much more
accessible body part, right?
We wear clothes,
but if we walked around nude
Personally, I enjoy going to a nude beach
in the summer from time to time.
I like the feeling of being naked.
"Which beach?" As if I'd tell you.
I always go to this one beach
with a buddy of mine.
He always shows up after I do.
And he's already naked
when he steps out of his car.
He's already naked, okay?
That means I'm on the beach,
and I see him coming,
and he's carrying a cooler, an umbrella,
with a bag here
I mean, his hands are full.
So he walks up to me, says hello,
but doesn't put anything down.
"What's up, Dani? How's it going?"
I mean, I'm like
I'm not gonna kiss him on the cheek.
I go, "How's it hanging?"
Picture a modern monarchy,
but it's a nudist colony.
You show up at a royal reception.
"Hi, how's it going? How are you?"
"Good day, Your Majesty. How art thou?"
Or in the metro.
Imagine you're in the metro.
Someone says to you, "Are you holding on?'
You go, "Yeah."
"That makes two of us. Let's go."
"Hit me with those sharp turns."
Am I right?
Anyway
What is a pussy?
The pussy is the human body's
other anatomical-genital device,
but instead of being
at the lower pubic area,
it's tucked away a bit lower down
in an area I like to call
the Aragonese perineal region, okay?
From the outside,
it's a little more modest,
a bit more discreet.
The pussy is more contained.
Well
I've seen pussies that look like
a cold-cut sandwich made in a hurry.
And all you get is
a mouth full of deli meat.
A bit of bread wouldn't hurt.
But all pussies are beautiful,
and all of them deserve
to feel pleasure, okay?
I would say, ergonomically,
sucking a dick is a lot more accessible.
I think there are more easy techniques.
You don't have to be in perfect shape
to suck a dick without doing gymnastics.
Here's someone with a dick.
You say, "Hey." Good vibes.
"Can I suck your dick?"
They go, "Sure, suck my dick." You go
You just bend down like this
You can do this or do this.
Even without your hands.
If they're lying down, like this,
with or without hands.
If they're standing facing the other way,
you can steer your ship around the back.
I would think sucking a dick
is a lot more fun.
I would think, right?
That's what I've heard.
No, wait. Let me tell you something.
I've been having so much fun lately
that I might come next year
and tell you what it was like.
Careful now.
Don't let heterosexuality
stop you from having fun.
We only live once. Careful now.
If you suck a dick, it is what it is.
However,
eating a pussy, if the owner of said pussy
doesn't help you out a little,
ergonomically,
it's a bit more complicated.
The same situation, right?
You're with someone who has a pussy.
You're vibing.
"Want me to eat your pussy?" "Go for it."
And usually, the person goes like this.
"Okay, eat my pussy."
And you're looking at them
You look at them,
and it makes you want to say,
"It looks like Squidward fell
from the fifth floor."
You kick them like this,
saying, "Hey, girl."
You're not sure if you should
perform cunnilingus or call a coroner.
Okay, whatever. She's no help.
But since I enjoy doing it so much,
I'll do the work for the both of us.
And then,
the position itself is uncomfortable
from the get-go.
Excuse me, guys.
Suddenly, you're like this.
Take a look at
The position is awkward
because the person is because
And since the lights are off,
instead of poking around
to find everything,
you start nudging around with your face.
You're nudging around with your face
Picture a truffle hog, okay?
Searching You're in there
But the position is super awkward.
It's super awkward,
and it makes you want to say,
"Damn, help me out a bit.
Tuck in your tailbone."
"Tilt your hips back a bit, you know?
Help me out with the angle, okay?"
And on top of that, as soon as they feel
that first nice little tingle,
what do they usually do? They go
And they turn
and contract it in even more.
You're no longer a truffle hog.
You've turned into an anteater.
If they get up and leave
and somebody else comes in,
they'll see a man drinking
from a puddle on the ground.
"Hi."
"Is there a drought here?" Anyway
Let me tell you something.
Human beings have something
called cervical vertebrae, all right?
At a certain point, they stop extending.
You'll be down there for 10, 15 minutes,
half an hour, whatever it takes!
But when you're done, your neck is like
You end up with a full-on prolapse.
"Did you like it?"
"Yes. What's wrong with your neck?"
"I'm about to have a violin class."
"Once you leave,
I'll just stick it in here."
You can be like this for a week.
"What do I do now?"
I'll go apartment hunting. Look.
"For sale, fourth floor."
While I have you here
For fuck's sake!
Okay.
Second tip.
I know you've been complaining
your whole lives,
and for good reason,
that your partners
have always been self-centered,
that they have always been selfish,
that their pleasure
is more important than yours,
that when they finish, it's all over.
And you're right.
It's been that way for many years.
But thankfully,
we're finally living in a time
of progress, of equality,
of open-mindedness,
of generosity in general.
And that's really cool.
If you'd have said "clitoris"
to me 25 years ago,
I might have said, "Water Pokmon!"
But now I can tell you,
"Did you know that the clitoris
is the only organ in the human body
that is exclusively designed
to receive pleasure?"
-Damn!
-Yes!
"Yes," she says. Of course.
And she only has one hand raised.
Shit, if that's how it is,
let's make the most of it, right?
I mean, when you are about
to perform cunnilingus,
a pussy buffet,
the clitoris is always
right here for me, okay?
I mean, not literally. Well, sometimes.
But you need to find it, of course.
It's not like you say
Look, if it's a familiar pussy
I mean, "familiar." Hold on.
You're fam I mean
Someone you're familiar with.
Fucking Spanish!
I mean, you take the first few seconds
to get acquainted with the map.
Every pussy is its own world.
Remember that.
So you're all up in there, and suddenly
I'm not talking about finding the G-spot,
but you look for the clitoris.
You look for
When you find it, you say, "That's it!"
No, that's not it.
"That's it, then." No.
You're not a cow licking a post.
You have to be
It's not one-size-fits-all.
A bit over here, a little pressure here.
You listen, observe. It's very magical.
And after two or three minutes,
just when you've got it down,
right when they start to get into it,
they go, "Ay!"
They go, "Uy!"
And they slide half a meter away from you.
And you're there like
With a bridge hanging out of your mouth,
and you say,
"Damn, I should've dropped a pin
or marked the location."
It's like when you're reading Don Quijote
and you drop it,
and you go, "I didn't leave a bookmark.
I have no fucking clue where I was."
I understand if you enjoy it,
you might move around,
but please, don't move.
I started eating pussy over here,
and I ended up over here.
I look like a Roomba looking
for its charging station. Please!
Third tip.
Don't say anything important
while we're down there.
It's hard to hear.
The message gets distorted.
There've been plenty of mornings
when I've heard,
"Hey, didn't you buy coffee?"
"I didn't know we needed coffee."
"I told you last night."
"Last night, when?"
"Last night when you were down there"
I go, "Ah."
"I heard lots of things.
I didn't understand any of them."
I was down there,
and I heard something like
I was like
"I thought you'd gone crazy
and were singing a Maluma song."
And finally, the fourth
and most important tip.
It's not a fairy tale. It's not a fantasy.
It's not an urban legend.
No. It's a reality.
You can reach orgasm
through cunnilingus.
It's a beautiful thing.
It's a goal
we should always be aiming for.
It's the shit. I mean, come on.
But let me tell you,
if you ever
reach orgasm through cunnilingus,
please never forget
This is very serious.
Never forget
that what you have between your legs
is a human being
who wants to continue to live their life.
Please.
Because I can understand
that when you realize there's something
between your legs that gives you pleasure,
your survival instinct kicks in
like a bear trap, and you go,
"I want you all to myself
for the rest of my life."
But keep in mind,
that person has feelings,
and they need a certain level of oxygen
to get to their brain, okay?
I've seen my life flash before my eyes
four or five times in these situations.
I'm telling the truth.
I won't eat a pussy
unless I have a jack holding up the bed.
I've done it all. I've played dead.
"Maybe if she sees dead prey,
she'll get bored and open up."
I've rubbed Vaseline behind my ears
like you do to the dumb kid so his head
won't get stuck in the banister.
Once, I went and stuck a melon in
so she wouldn't notice.
And the melon went "boom!"
It could have been me!
You've gone completely overboard
with the Body Pump, with Pilates,
with CrossFit.
Please!
Please.
Please.
Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
Okay, I am sharing these tips with you
with the intention that, starting today,
this city and whoever sees this
can lead a more joyful life
when engaging in cunnilingus.
I just want people to be happy.
People are so angry.
But I know there's always that group
who always has a "but."
They go, "Okay, sure."
"Advice for people who own a pussy.
But what about people with dicks?"
"When you get a blowjob,
you do everything you need to do?"
I go, "Me? Excuse me,
but I definitely pull my weight."
I really do pull my weight.
Like what?
Things like availability, for example.
I always agree to it.
One time I didn't,
but it was during confession.
And then
I have to say
that over 90% of the times
that someone has offered
to give me a blowjob,
they usually have long hair, okay?
And often, they don't tie their hair back.
What happens then?
As you watch them treat you
to that amazing pleasure,
you see them down there like
Do you seriously watch them do that
and not do anything about it?
I always
And I
And I say, "You just focus
on the task at hand. I'll"
And I put it in a ponytail, of course.
There have been times when they finish,
they look in the mirror,
and they say, "Caribbean braids?"
And I go
"If you have more time tomorrow,
I'll dye it."
One of the tools that has helped me
to get through depression,
I'm not ashamed to admit it,
is magical thinking, okay?
I know a lot of people hear that and go,
"Dani, that stuff, magical thinking"
There are people
who don't believe in it or who Look.
Magical thinking exists, whether or not
we believe in it or know what it is.
It has existed for hundreds of years.
We've all done some type
of magical thinking without knowing.
For example, it's your birthday.
And you get a cake with candles.
The candles are lit.
Your family and friends
are singing "Happy Birthday."
And when the song is over,
you go to blow out the candles,
and they all go, "No, wait!"
"Make a wish."
Even though you don't believe in it,
you go, "Okay, sure."
You think, "They're so pushy.
I'll think of a wish."
And while you're at it,
you think of a dope one.
You think, "Just in case."
That's magical thinking.
Magical thinking is like, one afternoon,
you've got some sort of challenge or event
that has you a bit worried,
that's difficult,
and, I don't know,
you have a dress or a shirt
that you feel an emotional connection to
for whatever reason.
It gives you good luck,
good vibes, good energy.
And you say, "I'll put on this dress today
because it will help me deal with that."
That's magical thinking.
Magical thinking is when you're at home
drinking your morning coffee,
and you feel like shit,
and your mug has
one of those corny little phrases
everyone always rolls their eyes at.
But if that corny little phrase helps you
step outside feeling a little better,
that's magical thinking.
And it's real because it helps you.
If it helps you,
use whatever magical thinking you want.
For example,
I have always used magical thinking.
But during this rough patch,
I've used it even more.
I've used it a lot more.
For example, when I'm exercising.
I love exercising, training.
I studied sports science.
But the truth is, during that time,
since your brain's chemistry is off,
your whole body feels it.
You can't perform. You feel awful.
The sadness just shuts you down.
I would go running at Retiro Park,
and one day, a mime passed me.
I said, "That's sad!"
"That's sad."
I really enjoy running
down the Madrid Ro, right?
And I remember, one day, I was running.
I had run a kilometer.
And I was like,
"Man, I can't run anymore."
I wanted to cry. I had nothing left.
I went
I went, "Dani, come on, man.
Do some magical thinking."
I was like, "Come on."
And I looked ahead down the path,
and about 500 meters away,
there was a tunnel, okay?
Or a bridge, I don't know.
It was about 500 meters away.
And I said to myself,
"Okay, if I make it there
in the next two and a half minutes"
I made it up on the spot.
I said,
"My parents will be freed,
who have been kidnapped
in Colombia
by a drug cartel."
It's not true,
but I believed it.
You should've seen me
running down the Madrid Ro that day.
I was like,
"My parents!"
I reach the bridge. Boom!
Two and a half minutes.
Does magical thinking work or not?
I made it.
I mean, it wasn't actually true.
Obviously, I made it up.
My parents are still
being held hostage, I mean.
I'm going to ask you for a little favor.
Raise your hand
if you have a significant other.
You don't have to be with them here,
but if you have one.
Don't worry. We won't get personal.
I just want to get a picture of
Raise your hand
if you have a significant other.
Okay.
Yeah, it's usually around half of you,
maybe a few more, maybe less.
There's strange behavior.
Okay, thanks.
Sometimes someone raises their hand,
they look over, "What?" "Oh, we're not"
A type of limbo.
If that's the case, I'll add an asterisk,
"See 'wants to date me.'"
That clears things up.
I'm going to tell you
an uncomfortable truth.
And this is the only absolute truth
I will share tonight.
All couples lie to each other.
All of them.
Does anyone disagree?
Okay.
But look, I'm going to park
that thought for now. Okay?
I'm gonna be like one of those chefs
you see on TV.
They're mixing a sauce and say,
"And we will set this sauce aside
for later"
It's over there, okay?
I won't forget. It's over there.
Okay, I have another tool
I want to share with you.
Meditation.
Meditation has really helped me.
Some people hear "meditation" and say,
"Dani, that whole meditation thing"
"That's for yogis, right?"
"Those spiritual people
who get in weird poses."
No.
Anyone can meditate.
I meditate, so
I even have an app on my phone
that has guided meditations.
And that's it. It's not complicated.
You just have to do it.
How can I explain
what meditation means to me
in just a few words?
To me.
For me, meditating is about deciding to
setting aside five, ten,
maybe fifteen minutes a day,
no need for more,
where you choose
to focus completely on yourself
and turn down the noise outside
so you can face the noise inside,
which can sometimes be even louder, right?
And during that time
that you focus on yourself,
the exercise is basically about
becoming aware of yourself,
of the here and now, right?
Trying not to let your mind
wander off to anything else.
Just your body, the room, your posture.
There are anchors that help with that,
like breathing, for example.
If you stay focused on your breath
during meditation,
what could be more here and now
than your own breathing, right?
And look, I'm gonna give you
a quick demo,
a little slice of what meditation
looks like in my daily life, okay?
What you're about to hear
is basically my internal monologue,
like my thoughts spoken out loud, okay?
It starts with a gong,
ends with another gong,
and the posture should be
comfortable but upright, okay?
You can sit on the floor with a cushion
or in a chair
It doesn't have to be too crazy.
It goes something like this.
Well, let's see how the day goes.
Let's start with the breathing. Okay.
Let's go.
Breathe.
Inspire.
Expire.
Inspire.
Inspire.
To inspire is like
like when you have an idea,
it inspires you.
Yeah, that's a good one.
You breathe in, and it inspires you.
And expire Oh shit, expire means to die.
You have an idea, then you die.
Okay, I'm losing focus. Come on.
Come on. Concentrate, Dani.
Focus on your breathing.
I have an idea.
I'll follow the airflow as it travels
through my respiratory system.
Let's see.
Air enters through my nostrils.
Then it travels to
What's it called?
Was it the larynx? No, what's it called?
The pharynx, right?
The trachea! Damn, that's it. The trachea.
Damn, people who do tracheotomies,
now they've got balls.
They perform a tracheotomy with a pen.
Damn, that's crazy.
Okay, I lost focus again. Come on.
Let's go.
Here I go.
Okay. I breathe in through my nose.
They say you should breathe in your nose
because there are little hairs in there
that trap all the dust and bacteria.
Damn, dude, I've been sprouting
nose hairs for years now!
I'm like, "What's this?"
I'm also sprouting hairs on my ears.
Dude, sometimes
Sometimes I look in the mirror and say,
"Holy shit, I look like a lynx, man."
Okay, come on. Let's go.
I'll focus now. Come on.
Okay.
Inspire.
Man, why do they import
all the avocadoes from New Zealand?
That's how it is.
That's how it is.
Your mind constantly wanders off.
I don't even see it as a battle.
It's more like a dance.
When you realize
that your mind has wandered off,
you just come back and focus again.
There's no such thing as bad meditation.
You should try it, really. It's awesome.
All couples lie to each other.
All of them.
He lies to her.
She lies to him.
He lies to him.
She lies to her.
They lie to them.
Bro to bro.
Ol, ol. Aioli.
All of them. There are no exceptions.
Because in every relationship,
at some point,
maybe during an intimate moment,
when one partner
turns to the other and says,
"Honey,
what are you thinking about?"
And 99.9% of the time,
the answer is
Nothing.
"Nothing."
"Nothing."
"Nothing."
"Nothing."
Go eat a dick.
So you're telling me,
someone who's been meditating
for 11 years,
11 years,
hundreds and hundreds
of hours of meditation,
and if someone asked me,
"How much of that time
was your mind actually blank?"
I'd say, "Maybe for two or three seconds
in my life."
And honestly, those seconds were probably
right before I let out a little fart.
When you fart, your mind is like
So now you're telling me,
you stupid lowlife,
that when someone asks you,
your mind is blank?
Yeah, sure. Who are you now,
Siddhrtha Gautama?
Who are you, Krishnamurti?
Who are you, Mahatma Gandhi?
Who are you, Buddha?
Who are you, Shiva?
You're a liar as big as a fire truck.
Say it! Say what you're thinking.
It doesn't mean we don't say it because
we're constantly having bad thoughts.
Like, "What are you thinking, honey?"
"I was thinking about
having an orgy with 50 people
while your mother
was watching and touching" No!
I'm not saying that, but maybe,
"What are you thinking?"
And you say, "Like I'd tell you!"
You're in la-la land. "Like I'd tell you!"
"I was imagining I was four meters tall,
and I was at the beach."
"My legs were clairs,
and I had a giant lollipop with spikes,
and I was battling
a giant evil sponge cake
who wanted to destroy the planet."
"What do you think?"
Say it. Let's see if you can.
And let me tell you,
if you tell that to your partner
and they decide to stay with you,
they're your soulmate.
They're your soulmate.
But let me also tell you,
it's a perfectly legit option
if your partner asks what you're thinking
to say, "Look, honey,
right now I don't think it's appropriate
to share what I'm thinking
because my thoughts are private."
I think the sponge cake story
is less risky.
I encourage you to ask each other randomly
and then tell the truth.
You're really in for it.
I think we're living in a time,
a good social moment,
where there's more focus, more empathy,
more kindness, more value given,
however you want to say it,
when it comes to mental health,
or the lack of it, right?
These days, we already know
about certain illnesses and disorders.
And just giving things a name
makes them real,
and that makes a big difference
in how we care for them.
I don't know if any of you
who are my age or older feel this way,
but, like, 15 or 20 years ago,
everything to do with mental health
got thrown into the same bag,
the stigmatized "crazy people" bag.
All in the same bag, you know?
And it was something
you should try to stay away from.
"This guy cries all day, must be crazy.
This guy is drunk all day."
"This guy is yelling all day,
must be crazy."
And nowadays, these kinds of things
are handled with a lot more empathy.
And I think that's worth celebrating.
Let me also tell you
Let me also tell you,
between someone who's missing
a few screws in the head
and someone who got hit
on the head as a baby,
somewhere in this range
we're all somewhere in here.
100% mentally stable,
that's none of us.
If you don't have a tic,
you have OCD.
Or they have TikTok.
Not sure which is worse.
I mean
But out of all the disorders or illnesses,
I wanted to highlight two that I think are
basically the queens of mental health.
Not because they are the coolest,
but because they seem to be
the most deeply woven into society.
If we haven't experienced them ourselves,
we will, or someone very close to us will.
I'm talking about anxiety.
Big one, right?
And depression.
Okay.
For those of us that have anxiety,
it sucks.
Let's not romanticize it or sugarcoat it.
Anxiety sucks.
I've been dealing with it
for many years now.
Lately, it's been a steady
four or five out of ten.
And then it spikes.
You need to know how to deal with it.
For many years,
I've tried to eradicate it,
eradicate anxiety from my life.
And now I'm on the path of accepting it.
Accepting that I have anxiety,
and when it comes,
I try to manage it as best I can,
understanding it's a dark cloud
that comes unannounced.
But it also leaves unannounced, right?
Let's say you have an anxiety attack
in the afternoon,
but that morning
you were held up at knife point.
Both things suck,
but damn, it's textbook logic.
If P, then Q.
Understanding the cause gives you relief.
"I got mugged this morning. It's normal."
The worst part about anxiety
is when it hits out of nowhere.
You might just be relaxing at home,
everything seems like it's going fine,
and suddenly, the storm cloud rolls in.
You suddenly feel
your heart start to race,
your mouth dries up, you can't breathe,
your body feels uncomfortable.
You go, "I wanna jump out a window."
That really sucks.
I want to send strength
to anyone who has to deal with that.
My personal take is that those of us
who suffer from anxiety
are just slightly out of sync
with life's rhythm.
I mean, it's like
We tend to always think about pre
We have a thousand "pres."
We worry about things
before they happen, you know?
There's this quote from Descartes,
the philosopher,
not at the hardware store
He said, "My life has been full
of terrible misfortunes,
most of which never happened."
We have the ability to come up
with every worst-case scenario,
live them out in our heads,
whether they end up happening or not.
But our body already
ran the marathon, you know?
And depression,
in my view,
is trauma that never healed.
It's a sadness that took root
after some traumatic event,
whatever it may be, a breakup, a loss,
whatever it is, okay?
Something happens,
time goes by,
the trauma doesn't fully heal,
the sadness settles in.
Two years could easily go by,
and you keep living your life,
but your feelings, your thoughts,
everything is still tied
to whatever happened two years ago.
So you don't stop living in the past.
Anxiety is the obsession with the future.
Depression is the obsession with the past.
It's like going through life
by watching it in a rearview mirror
or a telescope, you know?
A friend of mine once said,
"Look, Dani, if you've got one leg
in the past and one in the future,
you're gonna end up
shitting on the present."
What a poet.
It really is amazing when you find out
"present" means "gift."
There's another concept that Ay!
It's kind of in a gray area,
but it's all the rage right now,
which is nostalgia.
Is nostalgia good or not?
I think there are two types of nostalgia,
the good kind and the not-so-good kind.
What is the good kind?
Good nostalgia is the kind
that takes you back to old memories,
to things you lived a long time ago.
You enjoy it, but it doesn't necessarily
leave you feeling sad.
Let me give you a fun example, okay?
I was born in 1980, right?
Those of you who are ten years older,
maybe fifteen years younger, give or take,
you might get this.
If I say,
"We are the Littles"
Tails that squiggle to and fro
And we could keep going
with Willy Fog, Captain Tsubasa,
Dungeons & Dragons, Juana Hazuki,
Candy Candy, Sailor Moon
I could take these two rows,
who are total strangers to me,
have a few beers with them,
sing together all night,
and we would return home,
completely hammered.
We'd say, "I had such a great time
remembering things from the past,
but without the slightest feeling
of sadness, you know?"
Bad nostalgia does leave you
with that feeling of sadness.
In fact, the professionals
call it melancholy.
It's like a whole other stage.
There are people who get stuck
in a certain era.
I call them "Kariners,"
people who think
that life was better in the past, right?
And these people can get stuck
in a certain era for whatever reason.
It could be
because of the friends they had,
the place they lived, a partner they had,
or because they were young,
they didn't have problems
or responsibilities,
because nobody was dying I mean, no shit.
Every time I talk about this,
I think of a good friend of mine
from my generation that I grew up with.
I think he got stuck in that era.
You talk to him in the year 2000,
and you hear all of his stories,
his background, his jokes, references.
Everything was from back then.
You say, "Damn, you're running
about ten years behind."
Then you see him in 2010. Same thing.
You go, "You're running 20 years behind."
And you see him in 2025,
and he's still talking about stuff
from 35 years ago.
It's as if time grabs you
and drags you forward,
and you want to stay,
but you have to move forward,
like you start to fade away.
Like the photos in Back to the Future.
Look, those of you who are melancholic
or who get nostalgic,
which I am as well, here's another tip.
I think it's nice that, in the present,
when you're living a cool moment,
when you're living a moment of joy,
a bit of happiness,
when you're like, "Dude, this is dope,"
really try to take it in.
Take it in and say, "I'm living
a truly amazing moment right now."
Not just that. "I'm gonna try to remember
this moment for the rest of my life."
And if you're with someone,
say it out loud.
Saying it out loud
helps lock it into your memory,
even if it's just
to fuel future nostalgia.
Picture this. You are here tonight
to see this show.
You came with your partner, a friend,
your dad, a coworker, whoever.
And for whatever reason,
you had a great-ass time.
Take it in.
If you really think
that this was a joyful moment,
even just this short time
we've shared together, take it in.
Try to internalize it.
And when you leave, say it out loud.
"Man, that was dope."
And that's really cool.
Because maybe 20 years from now,
you're sitting in Plaa de Catalunya
with that same friend,
having a beer, and you go,
"Damn, do you remember
that Rovira show It's Worth it?"
"Damn, you remember?"
And he says, "Damn,
that was like 20 years ago, right?"
"Damn, 20 years ago.
That was great. We laughed so hard."
"We laughed. That guy did a great job."
"He was the best!"
"All right, don't get carried away."
"Yeah, that was a good time.
So sad that he died."
"Sure, it's sad."
Keep that up here.
Thank you very much.
Well, we're heading towards
the end of the show.
And since we were talking about nostalgia,
I'm reminded of
a beautiful lyric by Sabina.
"The cruelest kind of nostalgia
is for something that never happened."
Let me tell you something.
I was never told stories as a kid.
I've felt a lot of nostalgia
for something that never happened.
It's probably because, as an adult,
when it comes to oral communication,
as well as with sex
So as a final little gift
and a touch of sweet nostalgia,
since you're probably overdue for one,
I'll tell you a quick story
that I think really ties into everything
we've been talking about tonight, okay?
Well, what I've been talking about.
This story takes place in a small village,
a very austere town,
a very small and inhospitable town.
And the main character of our story
is an old man,
but that doesn't mean
he had lost his energy,
his strength, or his agility, okay?
This man had the habit,
for as long as he could remember,
of waking up every morning
before the rooster crowed
and the sun peeked over the mountains.
He would wake up,
get out of bed,
put on his sandals,
and he would take two huge clay amphoras
and start walking
a little five-kilometer path
that lead to a crystal-clear spring.
There, he would fill both of them
to the brim
and then walk
the same five kilometers back.
When he got back to the village,
he would use that water for all his needs.
He'd drink it, cook with it,
water the land with it,
wash with it,
and use it for the animals, okay?
For about eight or ten years,
one of the jars
had been starting to break,
starting to crack.
It was pretty beat up.
It had small fractures all over it.
It got to the point
where it started to lose water.
Most days,
by the time he reached the village,
more than half the water
had been lost along the way.
And since inanimate objects
are allowed to come to life in stories,
one night,
before our main character went to bed,
the broken amphora,
and excuse the redundancy,
broke into speech.
It started lamenting to its master,
"Oh, master of mine!"
"I feel awful."
"I know that I'm broken
and no longer serve you like before."
"And I'm filled with shame and sorrow."
"And I really wouldn't mind
if you replaced me with a new jar
because I'm completely useless now!"
Completely unshaken,
but with a gentle tone, the man said,
"I'll never replace you
with a new amphora."
"But I won't tell you why today."
"I will tell you tomorrow,
somewhere along the walk."
And with that, the man went to bed
like he did every night.
The two amphoras were left there,
like, "Okay, then."
And the next day,
like always, before the rooster crowed
and the sun peeked over the mountains,
the man woke up, he put on his sandals
and picked up his two huge amphoras.
He always carried each amphora
with the same arm.
He would always carry the broken amphora
with his right arm.
Always.
Both on the way to the spring
and on the way back.
When they set off
on the five-kilometer trail,
nobody said a word.
You could only hear the sound of birds
and the soft rustling
of leaves in the wind.
When he arrived
at the crystal-clear spring,
he sat down
and started filling the amphoras.
And nobody said a word.
There was only the sound of water
echoing in the cave.
On the way back, no one spoke either,
until well past the halfway point.
The amphora had already lost
a lot of water.
And right then,
our protagonist stopped.
He stopped and turned around
to face the broken amphora, and he said,
"Now do you see
why I haven't replaced you?"
"Look."
"Look at this stretch of the path."
"It's covered in flowers,
thanks to you."
Life is worth living.
It's a no-brainer, it's obvious,
but I tend to think
that obvious things can be so obvious
that we can be oblivious.
But sorrow,
in itself, is worth something too.
Throughout tonight,
between laughs and a few confessions,
I have told you about
some of the grief I've experienced,
some of the losses I've endured
throughout these recent years.
But I've been deliberately
saving one for the end
so I could share with you
the greatest loss of my life,
the hardest grief I've ever been through.
And it's the grief of losing myself.
You might think, "What's that mean?"
"What does that mean, Dani?
How do you lose yourself?"
It's so easy.
It's shockingly easy.
Because I think it begins
before we even realize it.
When we're little kids,
all we really long for
is Mom's love, right?
We want her to love and embrace us.
And there's this kind of deep-rooted fear
of being abandoned.
No one knows why.
So you're constantly doing
everything you can
to make sure your mom loves you.
And a lot of those things
probably didn't reflect
your true self at all.
But you knew what to do and what not to do
to receive affection and avoid punishment.
But a lot of that didn't reflect
your true nature, right?
And what is that if not,
from a very young age,
putting on a kind of
mask?
It also happened with Dad.
How many times, growing up,
did we want our dad to be proud of us?
How many times
did we chase that pat on the back?
How many times did we feel like
one of our siblings was the favorite,
and you would copy what they did
to make Dad as proud of you
as he was of them?
And a lot of those things,
when you did them,
didn't reflect who you truly are.
They weren't part of your true essence.
But you did them because you longed
for your dad's affection and approval.
And what is that, if not
putting on another mask?
Or take relationships as a couple,
for instance.
Romantic relationships.
How many times have we heard
or even said,
"Wow! They bring out
the best version of myself"?
And that could be true at times.
But often, what it really means is,
"Wow! They bring out
the best version of myself
I think my partner will like the most."
Because we often know each other,
and we know about our baggage,
about our bullshit,
about the skeletons in our closets.
And if we show our true selves
to our partner,
we get scared and panic,
thinking they'll take off running.
So I'll be what my partner wants me to be
so they don't abandon me and will love me.
And what is that if not
putting on another mask?
Social media.
It feels like
we've grown up with it, right?
And do we really think
our profile represents 100% of who we are?
Because we constantly do things
to please people we don't even know.
For what? For followers?
For likes?
Are we really the person
our social media depicts?
If that were true, I'd say,
"Damn, I can't believe
there are so many pieces of shit
like on Twitter."
"I also don't believe there are people
who have such perfect lives
like on Instagram."
But it's what we do.
Are we really the people
we show the world on social media,
or is it just
another mask?
And in my particular case,
I'm a very well-known person.
I've been very popular
for almost 20 years.
And for those 20 years,
I've always wanted people to like me.
I've wanted to be liked.
And one of my biggest fears
was people thinking I was an asshole,
or not liking me,
or thinking I was a jerk.
Or, I don't know, people thinking
the fame had gone to my head.
And to make sure that never happened,
I put myself last.
I constantly walked all over myself,
just to get people to love me.
I've even taken photos in a funeral home.
I don't know the key to success,
but I did discover that the key to failure
is trying to please everyone.
And when you wear so many masks,
there comes a point when life,
for better or for worse,
slaps you so hard
when you turn around a corner
that not only do all your masks fall off,
but so do the numbers on your ID card.
And your very foundations,
your islands, might even collapse.
Do you remember Inside Out, the first one?
The one with the little girl.
When all seems lost and those seemingly
indestructible islands collapse.
Family Island,
Friendship Island, Magic Island,
Goofball Island, Honesty Island
There was a moment
when life slapped me so hard
that all my masks fell off
and all my islands collapsed.
And I looked in the mirror,
and I didn't recognize myself.
And believe me,
that's a fucking awful feeling.
I could almost say
there was a period where I felt like
I had no ground beneath me.
It's a feeling of abandonment,
it's a feeling of disorientation,
of fear
So much fear.
Fear because you don't think you can go on
because you're afraid to go on,
because you don't want to go on.
I learned that mystics call this
"the dark night of the soul."
I've cried, you know.
Like Man said,
"I cried a river, and I cried an ocean."
But as Vetusta Morla put it,
"We'll only be free
when there's nothing left to lose."
Years ago, I read a poem
by my beloved Mario Benedetti
that said a smile is much more beautiful
when it follows tears.
It's like when the sun comes out
after many days of rain,
and chances are
there's a rainbow on the way.
After this whole process,
I couldn't tell you
if I am a better or worse person.
What I can say is
that I'm much more authentic,
and that's what it's all about.
I've never been more myself
than I am right now.
Actually, it reminds me of the man
who snuck in the elevator. Remember him?
He asked, "Is it you?"
And I laughed about it.
Maybe he saw something in me
and was trying to warn me.
If he were in front of me now, I'd say,
"I'm more myself
than I ever have been, man."
And to all of you,
I want to say that if you're ever
going through a time of sadness,
or if you're going through it now,
remember three things.
First, hang in there.
Hang in there. This will pass.
Second, since you're going through
this period of darkness and pain,
try to learn from it.
Don't let it all be for nothing.
And third, do what is best for you.
Do what feels best for you.
And if you're having a shitty morning,
and that corny phrase on your coffee mug
gives you that extra push
to step outside with energy,
do it, and forget what people think.
But I'll also say this.
When sadness grabs hold of you like that,
it never fully lets go.
It's like gum stuck
to the bottom of your shoe.
And for me, when that sadness shows up,
it always brings
a heavy dose of loneliness.
A lot.
Because out there,
I feel like there's so much more noise
and so much more hostility.
And when that sadness
and loneliness creep in
and I'm home alone,
you know what I do?
I turn to magical thinking.
And maybe I'm sitting on my sofa,
and I look to my right
and I see the blanket.
And you know what I do?
I hold it tight, and I smell it.
And a little magical thought creeps in
that pushes me to look at my front door
and think that everything
that is no longer a part of my life,
everything life took away from me,
everything I loved that is gone,
one day, somehow,
life will return it to me.
And I couldn't care less
about what you think
because it works for me.
Thank you very much, and
and if there's anything left to say,
I'd say that it's always,
and I mean always,
worth it.
Subtitle translation by: Lee Pollard