Dark Web: Cicada 3301 (2021) Movie Script

There he is.
Who paid you?
- I don't know. I don't...
- Who fucking paid you?
I don't know!
It was all online!
I never saw them!
I don't wanna I die!
I don't know, put it down.
So there I was,
having the time of my life
at the party of the century.
- Singing, dancing...
- Shit.
...making merry
in a fine borrowed tux,
when I remembered I hadn't checked
my email in quite some time.
Suddenly, everyone and their
dog needs to use the computer.
So, I log out,
just to make sure
I didn't leave any private
information on someone else's desktop.
I take a little stroll outside,
because you know what,
I actually read somewhere that fresh
air can boost your serotonin levels,
by like, 300%, for real.
Anyway, next thing you know...
Boom, rocked by
a sudden explosion.
Completely caught off-guard.
I mean, believe it or not,
I'm falling through the sky
like an apple
over Newton's head.
By the time I hit the ground,
it's lights out.
And, uh, things have been
a little fuzzy ever since.
Need I remind you
of the severity
of the charges
you're facing right now?
High treason, espionage,
terrorism, murder.
Huh? Murder? I mean...
Charles Bundwig.
Charles Bundwig?
Uh, Your Honor,
how is that my fault?
Uh, you can blame that
on penis envy over here.
Your Honor, are you
going to put up with this?
May we please just walk you
through the evidence?
It'll be obvious
that he's guilty.
Yeah, lay out the evidence,
Can you believe the audacity
of this little prick?
Do you have any idea who you
are addressing in this court
and the experience
that these people have?
Mike, true,
this is not the most ideal way
to go about this
unprecedented hearing.
But apparently,
Mr. Black is the evidence.
So albeit extreme, if you
want this court's assistance,
you're gonna have to wait till
our questions have been satisfied.
Yes, Your Honor.
When you're ready, Mr. Black,
take us back to the beginning.
How did you first
get involved with Cicada 3301?
And let's make sure
we stick to the facts.
actually, back it up a few.
You're probably wondering
which one of us started it.
- I hate that guy.
- Hello? Snap to, bitch.
What is taking so long?
William J. Edwards III.
Tori, don't let that guy
see you sweat. Come on, girl.
Next time, move your ass.
Fifty cents.
Are you kidding me?
Stop it. Stop. Stop.
Oh, shit.
Hey, Brooks Brother.
No disrespect, but I can tell by
your, uh, Bob Ross the painter,
little vest jacket thing
you got going on,
you're probably
not from around here,
but what my colleague
was trying to say
is people around here
on most nights,
tip about 20%
for quality service.
Which is
really important to her
because that's how she keeps
the light bulbs flickering,
you get me, pal?
Yeah. And I guess
I'm telling you
I didn't get quality service.
Fair enough. I get it.
Maybe she had an off night.
But still, on average,
I'd say 15% is pretty standard.
Okay. And then what would
that equate to?
About $12.65 on the bill
totaling $96.96.
In which case I'll say,
Come on, baby,
put some pep in your step.
But no, you dropped 50 cents.
Equating to what,
.593% on a bill that's $84.31?
That's just not fair, man.
Come on.
Are you some kind of
walking calculator freak?
Yeah, something like that.
Count this.
Keep your elbow
at a 90-degree angle, Connor.
The table's ours.
You didn't hear what I said?
My boy can outshoot
the both of you
with his eyes closed.
You wanna put your money
where you mouth is?
You rack 'em.
There it is.
What the fuck was that?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I think I figured it out,
Uh, I'm sure you get the idea.
Is having
an eidetic memory a crime?
William J. Edwards III.
So I have perfect recall.
Told a couple of kind strangers
on the dark net
about some douchebag's
credit card.
It's not my fault that they go
maxing it out without consent.
And, yes, I cyber-stalked the guy
and sent him a virus ridden email.
Big deal.
Let he who has not
gained access
to someone else's computer
by malware
throw the first stone,
am I right?
Fucking guy deserved it.
Fifty cent tip.
Fucking Bruce Lee.
That douchebag was, like,
this close to getting killed.
I know, I know.
You're so merciful.
Now, even I was
surprised by the whole Bitcoin thing.
It's not my fault his wallet
wasn't in cold storage.
Holy shit.
I had theories about K-1 algorithms
that could hack into Bitcoin.
But I didn't think
it would actually work.
So I considered taking his Bitcoin
an act of God, if you will.
If we're bringing
insurance into this.
Now, the Cicada files.
That's a click of the mouse
I sincerely regret.
I should've backed out
of his computer
and called it a night.
Curiosity kills.
A quick search
showed Cicada 3301
had been headhunting super geniuses
from around the world for years
using this kind of
intellectual scavenger hunt.
Kinda dark, but, okay.
I thought I'd give
the test a try.
It was a simple Caesar cipher.
Took two seconds to crack.
Out popped
a giant middle finger.
Not smart enough. Fuck face.
Fuck! Shit! Shit!
That little outburst
would haunt me.
I ain't got all day.
Pay your shit, Connor.
- Well I will, I just, you know...
- Pay your shit.
Language, please.
Let me get my keys.
Dude, come on, man.
Look, got a little lady here.
Seen him say way worse.
Hey, I'm gonna pay you tonight.
I promise.
Come on, dude.
Tonight, I promise.
- Mm-hm.
- Come on.
I will.
We're aware
no one in your building
had anything to do with this.
Such a dick.
How did you
become involved with
your deceased accomplice,
Gwen Schafer?
That's funny you should ask.
I was just getting to her.
The worst librarian ever.
What happened to Gladys?
She croaked.
Mm. Ulysses.
Ostentatious as hell.
So what, he created
stream of consciousness.
Portrait of the reader
as a bored woman...
Unless you're
just gonna pretend
to read it in a cafe
so you can get
some barista booty.
Yeah, thought so.
- Celine writes his ass off.
- Hey.
I'm pretty sure you can't
use ass in front of a kid.
She's reading
Island of the Blue Dolphins.
I think she's mature enough
to hear the word ass.
- Ass.
- See?
Careful, this book might make you
wanna move to a deserted island
for the rest of your life.
Sounds fun.
Personal time
on the computer, huh?
I'm pretty sure
that's frowned upon. Hm.
Okay. Next.
Tell me, is the Cicada thing
for real or not?
Cicada the bug?
Cicada the secret society.
Sounds cool.
What do they do?
Yeah, Gwen.
What do they do?
It's all conjecture.
They're illusive.
Kind of like the IT Department
of the Illuminati.
But everyone who knows them knows
that they wanna change the world.
And your other accomplice?
Avi had nothing to do with this.
It's all my fault.
I dragged Avi into this.
Lying sack of shit.
Did you hear that?
He's got dick hair
stuck in his throat.
- Fuck you, man.
- Gentlemen.
You and Avi Baginski
were close friends growing up.
We're best friends.
So you expect us to believe
that he had no idea
what you were up to?
You know, when most
guys hang out with their buddies,
it means drinks at the bar,
chasing tail.
Not Avi. Our paths didn't
exactly cross by chance.
I see what you did there.
I see what you did there.
But not today. Mm-mm.
Today, the title of park
grand champion belongs to me.
- Queen is mine.
- Oh, my God.
Hey, Avi.
Oh, hey!
What's up, man?
It's gonna be a minute.
It's important.
Avi, important, hurry up, man.
Hey, can you move it along?
'Cause we have some life
and death shit to discuss.
Will you shut up for a second?
Sorry, guys.
Avi, Queen to G2 in seven.
Game over, let's go.
- Hey, hey.
- Why would you do that, man?
- Hey, who the hell are you?
- Man, why would you...?
Such a ding-a-ling.
Come on.
Say hi to Dino.
I don't... I don't even
really know him. Honest.
Do you know how long
I've been trying to get to...
on that center table?
They'll be dead tomorrow.
Well, I hope, that's the only
way you can get in.
One of them has to die.
Look, the shit that I've been
telling you about,
it's been going on
for a couple of years now.
It seems like every year,
the very few will get to the end
of this game and just disappear.
But it's not like
it's a nefarious thing,
it's-it's like an ascension.
They find something great
to be a part of
on a societal plane.
It's like the apple
in the worm, right?
You ever wonder how the worm
gets inside the apple?
- Mm-mm.
- There's no hole.
Same thing, man. Thanks.
I wonder how this hotdog
is gonna get into my mouth,
but I-I got the answer to that.
Hey, can I get some extra napkins?
Thanks, man.
Appreciate it.
He got it.
To cover the soda.
The female fly
impregnates the apple
on a microscopic level,
imperceptible to the world around it,
and then when a larva hatches,
it infiltrates the apple through its core.
But if I'm right about this,
then I'm right about
what Cicada is really all about,
metaphorically speaking,
you understand?
So I could bring about change
the way I really want
in this motherfucking world.
Thirty-four seconds.
Oh, that's how long
you've been talking
since your last breath.
I was keeping track.
What? You're not even
listening to what I'm saying.
Of course
I'm listening, man.
That's all you're
letting me do is listen.
With all these apples and worms,
and secret societies.
But what I truly wanna know is
what are you running from?
Who's running away from what?
What are you talking about?
Avi, I'm not...
I'm-I'm... I told
you something I'm excited about,
and you tell me I'm running
away from my problems.
This is just like you.
I hit you with the truth
and you gotta attack me.
What truth, man? Come on.
What happened to your hand?
Some ketchup on it.
No, it's not ketchup.
Who'd you beat up this time?
Come on, man.
Look, man, maybe you're
not ready to be out of jail, man.
You can't be
with civilized people.
Maybe jail
is the best thing for you.
What the fuck, Avi?
I come to the park
to see my best friend,
spend some quality time
with you,
come help you out
with a couple of chess moves.
I try to open up to you about
something I've just discovered
that might be quite important,
and you shit on me, man.
Tell me I'm fucking
running away from my problems
and... I'm going back to jail.
What the fuck you talking about?
You're unreal.
Just wondering if I could
borrow some money.
This is the part
where you ask me for money.
- Yeah. What do you need?
- Computer crashed.
Computer crashed?
That's it?
I mean, how much could
a new computer cost?
- That can't be too much.
- Ah...
About 900.
- Nine hundred?
- Mm.
You're doing all this
talking over for $900?
- Man, of course...
- Yeah, man.
- Exactly.
- That's important. You need that.
But it's a lot for me
and not a lot for you.
That's important.
I can't have my man
out there with no computer.
Yeah, no problem.
Hold on.
It's somewhere right here,
That's for you.
See you next time.
Oh, God. No, no, no.
Come on, man.
You've gotta be kidding me, man.
Come on, you can't do that.
Please, let me just go inside,
grab my things.
What's up, old-timer?
The hell are you doing here?
What, I can't just
check up on you?
I'm fine.
I'm making dinner.
Oh, yeah? What's that?
Lucky Charms?
Your mom home?
Nope. Why?
Soph, I got to use your computer.
My computer exploded.
I got to fire off one email, please,
please, please, please, please.
- Use your phone.
- My phone's in the car.
When you lie,
it robs me of the chance
to be a real friend to you.
Which means you really only
steal stuff from yourself.
Soph, can I just... Please, just...
I'll be quick. Please.
All right.
The computer's in there.
Ah. You're the man.
Just pay your shit, Connor.
I'm gonna pay my shit.
The card wasn't working
when I was withdrawing money.
Why am I even
telling you this?
Yes. Come here, baby.
Come to me, mama.
I had to find
a tumbler and quick.
Cash would fix
everything for me,
but without
doing some laundry first,
those Bitcoins
I had were worthless.
Fucking thief. Fucking 50%.
No, no, no, no.
- What the fuck is this?!
- No, no, no, no.
- I'm fixing this.
- Oh, hell no!
It's not what it seems.
I'm fixing this!
Get the hell out of my house!
I'm trying to fix
the computer!
- Mama, wait! Mama, wait!
- Don't worry, I got this.
I'm trying to
fix the computer.
Get the fuck out!
Get the fuck out!
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Oh, damn.
That's him.
That's him.
We have eyes on the suspect.
Don't run.
Oh, don't-don't do this.
- He's a runner.
- He just said don't fucking run.
Put your hands in the air,
I told you not to run, boy.
What are you arresting me for?
You know what this is for,
you little bitch.
Oh, hell yeah!
Karma, bitch! Karma!
Fuck the motherfucker up!
Oh, yeah, we're gonna
fuck this guy real good.
You're all mine now.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Come on.
You can have him when I'm done.
Sophie, don't watch.
Oh, yeah.
Charlie, get your dick
inside of him, yeah.
The fuck that happened!
- That is...
- Your Honor!
- Your Honor, this is...
- Fuck you, man.
- That did not happen.
- Have a seat, Agent Sullivan.
- You try that shit again...
- Have a seat, now!
That never happened,
I just wanted...-
- Did you hear me?
- Sit down.
- I didn't take my...
- Sit down.
- My pants off.
- Sit down!
- Mr. Black?
- Yes?
You make a
mockery of this courtroom again
and we will end
these proceedings immediately.
Now, I'd wager that you'd
prefer to continue a dialogue
with the United States.
Am I correct in that assertion?
Your Honor, I'm terribly sor...
I've been through tons.
It's-it's been stressful.
I might be
misremembering a couple things.
The prosecution would
like to note for the record,
that Mr. Black
just declared under oath
that he is unable to accurately
remember the facts of this case.
- Noted.
- Shit.
Continue with your testimony,
and no more misremembering,
for your sake.
Mr. Black.
Let's do this all over again,
shall we?
I'm Agent Sullivan,
this is my partner, Agent Carver.
- Oh, we've met.
- Hi.
- How's it going?
- Good, how are you?
Um, we'd love to chat for a
second if you're not too busy.
No, now is actually perfect.
Oh, great.
Oh, great, great because, uh,
we've been watching you like a
goddamn hawk for the last couple days.
Like what you see?
Let's see how cute you are
when I bash
your fucking face in!
Jesus, Carver.
Carver, take it down a notch.
Just take it down a notch.
I thought you said
I was bad cop?
No. No. I said...
I said you're a bad cop.
Do your bosses
know you've kidnapped me?
Waylaid. Big difference.
And yes.
Waylaid. Mm, okay.
So you legally kidnapped me.
Look, we're trying to give you the
chance to not go to prison, all right?
God, I wanna fucking hit you
so bad right now.
- Carver...
- You're so fucking st... You're stupid.
We would like your help
with something.
Is that how you
ask people for help?
Look, you got two choices here:
Choice numero uno, you say goodbye to
that pointless little life you live,
and we throw your ass
back in prison right now.
We hold you without bail on,
I don't know, 60 charges?
One or two of which may or
may not be true.
And then...
and this is my favorite part.
I crawl in a-a little fucking hole
in your cell while you're sleeping,
and I gnaw your tiny,
little dick off...
- Carver! What the fuck?!
- ...for all fucking times.
Carver, what the fu...?
That's completely inappropriate!
What the fuck?
Why you talking about his dick?
It was meant...
it was a torture reference.
It's not fucking torture.
It's fucking weird.
Isn't that weird?
Why does it always
have to be sexual with you?
- It's fucking embarrassing.
- I thought that would hurt really bad...
No. It-it's just fucking weird.
What's option number two?
Choice number two,
you get your ass back to hunting Cicada...
- What's with the ass, man?
- No, but mine was a whole different thing.
- Yeah, how come you can say it? No, no...
- No, no, no, no.
You can't say it
if I can't say it.
You didn't wait for me to finish.
My thing wasn't sexual, right?
- Leave my ass out of it.
- Okay. You get your...
Okay, thanks.
You get your butt
back to hunting Cicada 3301.
You make contact.
You get us close enough
to make some arrests,
and we are gonna give you
a ton of money
if you help us bring them down.
Tax-free, of course.
It's our little secret.
How much for me
to deliver them?
Okay, now we're
getting somewhere.
- How much?
- Five mil.
- Five mil?
- Yeah, yeah.
How do I know
you're not gonna fuck me?
- You don't.
- Yeah, you don't.
You don't know that, actually.
- You got to trust us.
- Yeah, you'll get that money.
We're with the
government, you can trust us.
It's five million.
I'm your fucking man.
I'm a company man
from here on out.
I'm your ace.
- You're gonna do it?
- Fuck yeah, man.
- That's really nice of you.
- We're gonna...
We're gonna make
a great fucking team.
I think so, too, actually.
Oh, my God. I didn't think
it was gonna be that easy.
- That actually was kind of easy. Yeah.
- This was... This went well.
- Yeah.
- Listen, man, while we're
- on the subject...
- Yeah, man?
I'm a little short on cash.
I'm on way to getting evicted.
If you can front me some money
to kind of solidify the deal,
you know,
this bond we made. Cool?
Come on.
Who is it?
- No, I gotta go...
- No, no, no...
No, no,
I got nothing for you.
Please, I'm in trouble, just...
I just need your...
You're so strong.
You can't just break into
people's houses like that.
Avi, I'm in deep shit,
real deep shit.
Well, why am I
not surprised?
Took some assholes Bitcoins.
I know I shouldn't have,
but I did
and it triggered something,
next thing you know
I'm in a van with the NSA,
they proposed
I take down Cicada,
a secret society, or they...
they're gonna throw me
in Guantanamo Bay.
And then you
came straight here.
Yeah, I got evicted.
I forgot to tell you.
Secret societies,
Guantanamo Bay.
Okay, I've heard enough,
Mr. Snuggles.
I'm sorry, sweetie,
but it is time to go.
This house is no longer safe.
Avi. Avi, please,
you gotta help me disappear.
And we want
nothing to do with this.
Avi, I'll make this up to you,
I promise.
I know I've been fucking up,
I'm a shitty friend.
Tumbling out of vans, I'm fucking
using third graders' computers,
I got fucking NSA dudes
riding my ass.
Fucking up, man.
I know this.
I know this is affecting you,
I'm sorry.
You know that's the first time
you've ever apologized to me?
You must really be in trouble.
All right,
we'll help you.
I'm not gonna help you run away,
but we'll help you face this.
What the hell is he doing?
- Calm down, guys.
- Your Honor.
Mike, just take it easy.
Calm down.
Can we restrain the witness,
Your Honor?
We will defend ourselves,
I'm telling you right now.
- Where do you think you're going son?
- What is happening?
- I come in peace, I'm just...
- Is he allowed to do that?
- Take your seat, Mr. Black.
- I wanna just grab...
- Your Honor...
- ...a quick piece of paper.
- How you doing, sugar tits?
- Why are you giving him this evidence?
- Fuck you, man.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Your Honor, please.
- Come and fucking say that to my face!
- Order!
He just called me
"sugar tits."
Order, sit down.
- Why am I getting in trouble?
- Why don't you tell him to sit down?
- This is my court, sit down.
- Why the fuck am I getting in trouble?
- He just...
- Order!
Sit down, now, sit down.
You are pressing your luck,
Connor. Get back to it.
We have the big picture so
help us piece it all together,
3301 and your colleagues.
Think you got
the big picture, huh?
Things are just
starting to get weird.
What do you mean weird?
Jump on that computer
in the corner?
Where's your little friend?
It's just me today.
What's your deal with her?
With who, with Sophia?
No, no,
the other ten-year-old
that you bring
on library dates.
You just some kind of pedo?
What, do you talk to everybody
who walks in here like this?
Well, everybody who walks in
here is usually a pedo, so, yeah.
She lives in my building,
mom's never around, works like 19 hours,
at least I never saw her.
No dad, met her
in a laundry room actually,
told me, "Connor, you can't mix the
black socks with the white socks."
Crazy, huh?
Told her if she needs anything,
she can knock on my door,
and she has every Saturday.
Come here,
hangout with the pedophiles.
The hell do you want?
I wanna jump on
the internet, thanks.
Yeah, you're not allowed
to jerk off here.
I'm just saying most people that
come here come for free porn.
Oh. Well, I promise
I won't jerk off
in front of
your pedophile friends.
Let me get on a computer,
- Fine.
- Thanks.
So, how far did you get
in the hunt for Cicada, huh?
Is that what
you're here to do?
Hey, look, you know what, no,
I don't want any trouble, okay?
- What trouble?
- Just back up...
- What trouble? There's no trouble.
- I don't know,
you could be a fucking NSA agent
or some kind of saboteur,
I don't fucking know.
Get out of the library.
What NSA agent?
Pop a lithium
and just chill, please?
Just lock me in,
let me get to work.
I'm not gonna bother you,
you won't bother me,
the smartest person wins.
Don't even think of
asking me for help.
You again.
Good luck.
The good news was
I wasn't all worked up from
punching some douche in a bar.
Most libraries
have a zero-tolerance policy
for sour ones,
so the hardware was safe.
The bad news,
the image had to be run through
a steganographic tool
called Outguess.
It finds information hidden
between the image's data.
What kind of information
hides in pictures?
It was a quote with some code.
In other words,
this wasn't gonna be over any time soon.
Anyway, these people weren't just
testing our abilities to think,
they were teaching us.
Did that guy
just lick his hand?
Oh, my cookies, she was right.
People do jerk off
to free library porn.
- Psst.
- Shh.
Good for him...
Hey. Psst.
I said I'm not
fucking helping you, freak.
Dick and balls.
...and me.
Fuck me.
This ought to
keep her distracted for a bit.
I told you you're not allowed to jerk off here!
Jesus Christ.
What? Kids come here.
in the deep web link
inside Ralph Waldo Emerson's
the code pointed the chapter,
line word, and letter,
which took us even
further down the rabbit hole.
Self-reliance, huh?
I'm starting to like University of Cicada.
Can I help you?
You traumatized from a little
homeless self-love?
It's the circle of life,
dude, get over it.
Where does it go?
The dark web link,
where does it go?
Goes over there.
Oh, okay.
- Hey, can you...
- Hey, hey.
- Use your own computer.
- Get off.
I have to log in admin if you're
gonna get an onion router up.
- GPS coordinates.
- Yeah.
Let's see, will we.
Paris, Tokyo, Los Angeles,
London, Boston.
Holy shit. What's that,
like an hour away from here?
Yeah. Okay, we don't close
for half an hour.
No, no, no, no, no,
we had a deal.
You have to wait for me,
- I'm not waiting for you.
- You don't understand
how much I need this, okay?
It means a lot
to me too, sorry.
- Yeah, I'll wait.
- Cool.
- I'll wait.
- Sit right there.
So, if we're gonna be
friends with benefits,
I mean, at least you could tell me
a little something about yourself.
We're not
friends with benefits.
We're not?
No, I just didn't want you
to leave without me, obviously.
You still liked it.
I'm a lesbian, so...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whatever, dude.
Who's the better kisser, me...
Like every other girl.
- Every other girl?
- Every single one.
- Okay, what's your girlfriend's name?
- Never said I had a girlfriend.
Oh, yeah?
That's interesting.
Hey, dick.
What the fuck?
What the...
Get off my ass, buddy.
Fucking hate city drivers.
Look, our street is right up
here, so just make the next right.
You sure you got
the right coordinates?
What? I'm just asking,
you know.
Maybe this shit up here, right?
- Maybe the art itself is a clue?
- Say what?
I don't know maybe the art,
maybe that's the clue.
I don't know
what any of this means.
Maybe it's this stuff
on the wall,
there's a lot of stuff here.
It's like a needle in a
What next, genius?
You're the expert.
God, are you
always this grating?
Fuck, you're like
living sandpaper, man.
I don't mean to be.
It's just...
Sometimes you just..
- You get callous after years of...
- Found it.
...abuse and neglect.
- You sure?
- Yeah. Come look.
- Let me see.
- Okay.
Is it working?
Just try... just keep...
try it maybe horizontal.
I did, just...
- Fuck!
- Nope.
- Uh, Gwen.
- What?
- Pick it up.
- Okay, okay.
Answer, answer, answer it.
have done well to come this far.
We've sent you a picture.
If you like what you see,
we should meet.
- Okay, well, that's fucking creepy.
- Let me see.
- They're watching.
- What the fuck is that?
Hey, come on,
get in the car.
Ever heard
this happening before?
No, I've never gotten
this far in the game.
I don't know maybe it's Cicada
trying to track our progress?
I don't fucking know,
I thought you would know.
Where are we going?
To get help with
the next piece of the puzzle.
Now, let's look again
at Mantegna's Crucifixion.
Well, notice the west
facing themes here, as well.
Now we see here the viewer
is set on the western end
of Golgotha.
And as the hill rises away
from us and down the other side,
it executes both the event
and our perspective active.
Till next time. All right.
Face west my soldiers.
Stay active.
Professor, I've got
one question regarding...
No. No, no, no, no, no,
you are not allowed to come here.
Avi, this is Gwen.
Gwen, this is my best friend Avi.
Avi Baginski, pleasure to make
your acquaintance, my dear.
- Oh.
- My dear.
- Okay.
- We're not friends.
- Best friends.
- Okay. Anyway, um,
it's nice to meet you, Avi.
Connor mentioned
you could help us
identify a piece of art.
Well, Connor
says a lot of things.
And unfortunately, I'm late for a
meeting, so you'll have to excuse me.
Just... get him.
Knew you'd like it.
Where did you find it?
It's the next clue in the secret
society recruitment game.
You too?
Afraid so.
These are actually all works
from William Blake.
He was considered by many to be a
madman but by others a-a genius.
But it looks like here someone's just
done a mash-up of his greatest works.
I mean,
the hands are actually from
two different prints
of the Nebuchadnezzar.
King of Babylon?
King's hands? Look like my
Grandma Connie's feet.
Is that supposed to be
the compass of God or something?
It's actually one of Blake's
mythological creations
and his proudest work.
I mean, he referenced him a lot.
He was like a facet of God,
a creator, sometimes the devil.
He warred against imagination,
tried to set laws and rules
upon all creation.
But eventually, he became
a slave to the very constraints
he tried to force
upon the universe.
I get it. This piece represents
everything, anti-science,
pretty much anti-everything
we know today, right?
Yeah. I'm just wondering why
they used a mirror image though.
They flipped it?
And the bottom piece
is both flipped and upside down.
It's almost like
they made a Thelema star.
A Masonic square and a compass.
Yeah, but there's no G.
Every masonic symbol has a G.
Yeah, but what I wanna know
is why the composition
is drawing the viewer
to the nothing in the center.
It's like the finger is pointing
to where the G would be.
Is that... is that something?
Hold on.
It's... it's a reverse
Roman numeral.
Hey-hey, Avi,
flip the picture.
Hold on.
Flip the picture.
- Got it.
3301. That's it.
That's them.
Maybe there's something...
Can't make this shit up.
Look at that.
They're all prime numbers.
Except for...
You guys need to stop now.
They're representing the fall
of man and nihilism,
These are the type of things
that lead to mass genocide,
of poisonous Kool-Aid.
If what they're saying
is what they believe, stop.
Can't stop now.
All right, Alpha Team,
we're going back to Avi's,
we're gonna crack
this case open.
Oh, no, we will not.
- We will not.
- We'll order Chinese...
I have nothing to do with this.
I'm sorry.
But I am not getting murdered
by some crazy ass cult leader.
I have a meeting to attend.
No offense to you, madam,
you're lovely.
- Thank you.
- See you in a bit, Avi.
No, you will not!
I don't know you!
He's cute.
Now, I'm sorry
they're so sloppy.
If I had known you were coming,
I would've had the time
to make a proper lavender,
but voila.
- Mm. Mm, mm, mm.
- I'm trying not to eat sugar.
Okay, okay.
Well, that's fine.
You know, there's just
more for us. Right, buddy?
- Okay, so...
- So, I've been doing some research
- on this image.
- Mm-hm.
At first, I thought
it was a moth. It's not.
It's from
De humani corporis fabrica.
This anatomy book
that was published in 1543.
- What can I do to help?
- Hey, shh.
- What?
- There's only one hand-colored volume
left of
De humani corporis fabrica.
- Where?
- Oh, so now you can talk?
- What?
- I didn't know any...
I thought, since I couldn't
talk, you couldn't talk.
I don't speak cupcake.
It's in the archives
of some museum
a couple of hours away.
All the clues seem to be
regionally tailored.
What am I? What am I? What am I?
What is it asking for, huh?
I don't know.
That's what I'm trying to figure out.
Mm, I'm sorry.
- That's it.
- What?
The color.
We need to know
the chemical composition
of the pigment
that's used in this region.
What am I?
Why don't you
just call and ask?
How many colors
in buttercream can you make?
I've done golds, mauves,
I've done
this satiny periwinkle.
It's exactly my point.
We need to scrape off
some of the ink and analyze it.
- They're testing our resolve.
- Yeah.
Seeing what we're made of.
I know what we're made of.
We need your professor card.
You're gonna get us in.
No, no, no, no.
No way. No way.
Oh, no, no,
it's not that bad, Avi.
No, no, no, no, no.
You guys ain't getting me in trouble.
- It's not a big deal.
- No!
Avi, we're in and out.
Not putting my job
on the line,
you can just go straight to hell.
Not happening.
- Just try to fit in.
- I've never done this before.
No, no, no, no.
What do I do?
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Mr. Professor.
- Boston.
Boston. Wow.
Uh, my students and I,
we were just hoping we could have
a little peek
at your rare book archives.
- Uh, I don't know.
- Please. Please.
- Come on, come on, come on.
- You're so cute.
Look, see the thing is,
I just need a little look
because I'm actually
publishing a book.
- Publish? You?
- Yes. Yes!
Oh, my God!
I know! I'm so excited!
So... about those archives?
Oh, yeah.
I wish I could.
But, unfortunately, you would need
permission from the archive lady
and she isn't here
on Sundays.
I'm-I'm so sorry. Please.
- Oh, my God.
- Jesus, watch your shit, lady!
Whoa! Don't call me lady.
Whoa, whoa, guys, please, please, please.
One moment, please?
Yeah. Can you please
take care of your students?
Talk to you for a minute.
What the hell, man?
All you have to do
is sweet talk the guy.
I don't do that.
I've never done this before.
- You stole that?
- Hey. Keep your voice down.
This is perfect.
While Connor and I
break into the archives,
you go distract him.
How am I
supposed to distract him?
Flirt... what?
- Yup.
- Yes.
I-I wouldn't even know
where to start.
I-I, you know,
I've never done this before.
Sure, I thought about it,
but I-I don't swing both ways.
I do. It's pretty great.
Oh, so you
did love kissing me?
- No. No, I didn't.
- You guys kissed?
- If you wanna call it that.
- She loved it.
- She didn't love it.
- She loved it.
- Disgusting.
- Mm-mm.
Can I have a kiss?
I mean,
if you're giving them out.
Sure, you can get a kiss.
You can get a kiss
right over there.
Go get him.
- Hi. You're back.
- Hi.
I couldn't stay away.
Come on.
The old clumsy pickpocket
routine, huh?
- Not bad for a librarian.
- Yeah, well, at least I did something.
Even if you had thought of it,
which you didn't,
you probably would've been too
chicken shit to go through with it.
I actually would beg to differ.
What'd you steal?
Your heart.
Oh, shit.
Only hope now is that clerk
is sucking on Avi...
Yeah... let's hope.
Okay. Start looking
over there or something.
Try not to break anything.
Hmm. Damn.
Cherry oak.
Focus for like 30 seconds,
There's no friend
as loyal as a book.
I hear you talking.
That's not me.
That's Hemingway.
Is anybody there?
No one is authorized
to be in this location.
- Come on, librarian.
- Fuck.
Found it.
Oh, shit.
Calm down.
Careful. You know
how old this thing is?
You're ripping through it
like it's a fucking magazine.
Gentle. Check this one.
Check this one.
- You sure that's it?
- Yes.
- You sure?
- Yes. Wait...
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
- What the fuck are you doing?
- I'm borrowing it.
- You're borrowing...?
- Shh, shh-
- Sorry, just got a little lost.
- Die, bitch!
- Oh, my God! Come on.
- Shit!
Time to go, lover boy!
- I'm coming, I'm coming!
- What the hell did you guys do?!
I was never
good enough for you.
- What was that?
- Oh, man.
You tore that... Oh, you're
wiping your face with it?
The face is fine.
Don't worry about it.
- Well, you deserve it!
- Okay, could you two
figure this out in marriage
We cannot stay here! Fuck!
- Oh, shit.
- Going to counseling,
I'm not going anywhere
with you guys ever again.
- Oh, God, Avi, just calm down, please.
- Don't tell me to calm down!
I mean, you might be okay living your
life like some type of wrecking ball,
but some of us
have things to lose!
I might lose my job over this!
My jilted lover,
he knows my address,
he knows about my cat.
What if he
kidnaps Mr. Snuggles?!
- No.
- No one's getting kidnapped.
Stop being ridiculous.
It's just a piece of paper.
We'll put it back tomorrow.
If you don't wanna do it,
me and Gwen will do it.
It will be fine.
No big deal.
Yeah, huh?
What the fuck is going on?
- Guys?
- What?
One second.
I can't see shit.
Shh. Don't yell!
Shut the fuck up.
Avi, calm down.
We've been through worse.
Who the fuck were they?
- Guys, please calm down.
- Oh, you want me to fucking calm down?
In these situations,
you go with the flow.
With the flow? Since when are
you the zen fucking master?
I don't wanna die here.
No one's gonna fucking die.
Avi, just shut the fuck up.
- Seriously, shut the fuck up.
- Okay?
It might be not that bad.
Might be not that bad.
Shh. Quiet.
What the fuck?
Come on, man.
Don't do this.
Oh, shit!
Please, I'm a great cat-dad!
They love me so much,
they're gonna miss me.
They're gonna miss me,
they're gonna miss me...
What the fuck is happening?
- Are you kidding me?
- Not again.
Your honor...
that-that never happened.
We weren't dressed like...
sexy gun babies.
I mean,
that's not how I remember it.
Mr. Black, were the NSA agents
dressed in baby costumes or not?
Killer Rugrats, Your Honor.
Killer Rugrats!
We're done here.
Okay, your honor,
fine, fine, fine, fine.
They weren't dressed up
like ugly, baby cosplays.
I would not be ugly,
as a baby.
Okay, Carver...
Nor did we open fire, Your Honor.
Or have diapers.
We followed
procedure to the letter.
It's all in the report.
I still contend
things could've gone
in an entirely different
if Mr. GI Joe
wouldn't have intervened.
Yeah, damn straight.
You'd be in a cardboard box
six feet under
if we hadn't intervened.
That's enough.
- That's not true.
- It's true.
We're all dressed up here
because of you.
I'm dressed nicer.
The deer people
were other Cicada hopefuls?
They wanted to steal the page
we took from
the tome and bury us.
That's ours.
I'm afraid we're gonna have to
collect this for evidence, miss.
We'll take your accounts
and get you on your way soon.
Hey, Sully.
Give me a hard drive. Bang, bang!
What the fuck are you doing?
take that fucking thing off!
It's... It's fucking evidence,
you idiot.
- Okay.
- Put it down! What the fuck?
- Sorry. Cool.
- No, but it's fuckin'...
it's every single day!
All right. Deadly serious...
from here on out.
The fuck you looking at?
You seen that...
you seen this before?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Looks like a brain vagina.
- Yeah.
Fucking idiot.
I never meant for
things to turn out the way they did.
You know, Gwen and Avi
wanted nothing to do with me
and Cicada after that.
I was on my own.
Was that the last piece
of the puzzle?
NSA ran a lab on the
page, it turned out to be cinnabar.
Stuff cost a fortune
in the 16th Century.
Only suitable for kings.
The word was a key to unlock
another piece of the puzzle.
It's all it was.
And what was that?
It was a message that said,
"In order to see the light
you must shine the dark."
I spent days
trying to decipher the text.
But then I realized there was
a different kind of test.
They wanted to see
what I was capable of.
You're a barbarian. Savage.
It took five hours for the lights
to come back in some parts of the city.
Looting tore through
the area almost instantly.
The scales fell off my eyes.
They were no more
enlightened than dogs.
I guess I couldn't blame them.
I mean, who's the animal?
The dog in the cage
or the one
who keeps them locked up?
It wasn't about
shutting down the power.
We're just one light switch away
from tearing each other apart.
All right.
You got me chasing puzzles,
show yourself!
Fuck you!
Think you're so great.
So enlightened.
Fuck you!
Fucking nobody...
like everybody else,
an emperor with no clothes.
- Uh-uh!
- Hey, Avi, let me in.
- No, no!
- Pl... Avi.
No. No means no!
- Avi, can we just talk? Come on.
- Gwen, help!
- Wait, Gwen's here?
- Yeah, she is.
And she's gonna be
my new best friend.
- Let's just talk.
- No. Nothing to say to you.
Is this really what
you're like when you date, too?
No, he's being ridiculous.
Would you help me here?
Hmm, I don't know. How do we know
you're not having deer or rabbit...?
Dog people.
- That would be scary.
- That would be scary, yeah.
How do we know you don't
have any dog people
following you
trying to fucking kill us?
That's not my fault.
- Nice.
- Can we just be adults about this?
What is this?
None of your beeswax.
Yeah, be adults about it.
If you can.
Avi told me that he would
teach me how to play chess.
No, no, don't you dare.
Don't, don't... just don't do it.
King side castle,
bishop A4, queen...
D3. You're good.
- You are not a nice person.
- No, he's not.
Avi, can I talk to you
for a second?
No. Anything you
have to say to me,
you can say
in front of my new friend.
We don't keep any secrets.
Do we?
No. Hm.
All right.
Well, I came to say goodbye.
You broke in
just to say goodbye?
You couldn't text?
I got in... to Cicada.
At least to their party.
Hold on a second.
You got in
and you weren't gonna tell me?
After everything
that you put us through?
You wanna come to England
and watch me
choke some bitch out,
be my guest.
Wait, how do you know
it's just one?
I don't know if it's just one.
Avi, you were right.
These people need to be stopped.
I'm gonna end this.
What happened?
Yeah, there's something
you're hiding from us.
I'm going.
You're not invited.
Um, technically,
she was invited.
I'm coming, too.
You're not gonna leave me behind
like some fuddy duddy
while you guys go off
on some epic spy adventure.
Avi... everyone who
finished this game disappeared.
And they wanted in, okay?
Uh, I-I-I can't...
I can't risk you getting hurt.
These people
are far too powerful.
You heard the lady.
Send the invitation.
Time for us to kick
some secret insect booty.
All right.
We decided if we're
gonna go to Oz to unmask the wizard,
it'd be better
to work as a team.
So Avi bought the tickets
for the flight,
Gwen got the spy gear,
my job was to rent the tuxes.
Yeah. I look dumb.
we would be unstoppable.
Hey, Avi.
You got your earpiece?
- Secret Agent Avi, to the rescue!
- Jesus!
- Oh, my God. Really?
- Hey, man. Come on.
I'm sorry,
I've never been a spy.
- Oh, my heart is racing, guys.
- Yeah.
- Well, what's our safe word gonna be?
- Safe word?
Yeah, you know, in case things go
haywire, we had to abort mission.
Every great spy movie
has one.
It's not a BDSM
sex orgy party, okay?
It's a black-tie affair.
We don't need
a safe word, password, guys.
- Stop.
- Okay, Mr. Optimistic Pants.
But just in case,
I say we make it Mr. Snuggles.
- I'm not saying Mr. Snuggles.
- No. Don't say Mr. Snuggles.
- Bad idea.
- Okay.
- Okay, shall we?
- Yup.
Mask up, y'all.
What the fuck is on your face?
It's-it's a masquerade party.
- The fuck...
- Did you not read the invitations?
Am I the only one
who read the invitations?
Oh, my God. I...
I'm gonna lose line of sight
in 60 seconds or less. Over.
All right. Go ahead.
C'mon in.
You're not on the list.
Uh, are-are you sure?
My-my friends are on the list.
You're not on the list.
Well... Hey, do you mind?
I'm just gonna use
the bathroom real quick...
Don't. No. Please.
Okay. There's no issue,
there's no issue.
There's no issue,
I-I'll be on my way.
Please. Excuse me.
You're very strong.
It's pretty great, huh?
- Say again?
- This is pretty great, huh?
Yeah, I guess
you could say that.
I mean, after what we had
to go through to make it here,
the least they could do
is throw us a crazy party, eh?
Hey! Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
I mean, I wouldn't expect
anything less from Cicada, huh.
I'm Patrick.
Hey, Connor.
Ow! Ow, ow.
Any idea what we're
supposed to be doing here?
But if it's 3301
we're talking about,
I guess anything's possible.
Everything's a test, huh.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna freshen up.
I'll see ya around, Connor.
Yeah, everything's a test, huh?
Anyone else seeing holograms?
Holograms? No!
What-what the hell are you talking...
No, I don't see holograms.
Why are you so out of breath?
Oh, no reason, really, I...
I'm just having
a lovely evening,
smelling flowers,
looking at the constellations.
You didn't get in?
Negative. I am outside.
- Outside?
- Yeah.
they don't like pirates
crashing their black-tie
function, Connor.
Avi, it's not my fault
you can't fit in a tuxedo.
Hey. I'm gonna go try
and find him and sneak him in.
No, no,
I need you to stay here.
There's a little more
to this party
than just rabbits
and boys in dog outfits.
There's no knowing how long
this party is gonna go.
I feel bad
leaving him out there.
Look, I can't have you
locked outside
and slowing me down.
I'm going. Just wait here.
Mock on, mock on.
Mock on, mock on.
Mock on.
Mock on, mock on,
Voltaire, Rousseau.
You blow your sand
against the wind,
and the wind
blows it back again.
And every sand becomes a gem
reflected in the beams Divine.
Blown back, they blind...
the mocking eye.
You've done well
to come this far, Connor.
- For everything that lives...
- Is holy.
Good luck.
Ah, shit!
Lend me your mind
and feast on the prize.
That's an interesting test.
Uh, a painting of a skeleton
smoking a cigarette.
That's easy. That's easy.
Head of a Skeleton
With a Burning Cigarette.
- Cigarette?
- Vincent Van...
- Would you like a cigarette?
- ...Gogh.
- I know what this is. Uh...
- Van Gogh.
Head of a Skeleton
With a Burning Cigarette.
- I love this place.
- I love your flavors. It's hilarious.
What the fuck?
Connor? Gwen?
- Gwen?
- Who are you talking to?
Mr. Snuggles.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
He doesn't like...
he doesn't like talking to new people.
- You're so funny.
- What can I say?
Hey, did you say Mr. Snuggles?
- Oh, this is not happening.
- Hey, what was that?
Did you say Mr. Snuggles,
or what?
Guys? Hey, Gwen, are you there?
- Um...
- Okay.
So predictable.
Politicians, global bankers,
all chasing the same thing.
- Uh, what are you doing?
- Sorry. My bad.
No holograms in here.
Only freethinkers, poets,
politicians, and kings.
The only decision
you have to make
is if your drug of choice
is pain...
or pleasure.
Good evening,
my most esteemed friends!
Hmm. Phillip Dubois,
Cicada 3301 in the flesh.
we celebrate both the initiated
and the unreformed with our own
odd bits of magical wisdom...
that we may be reminded
that it is not the price
of our professions we seek,
but rather the crucible
of our liberated consciousness.
Eat, drink, dance,
free your minds.
For the enlightened,
there can be no denial of self, yes?
Bon apptit.
You heard the man.
Hey, Phillip.
- Hey, you see where that guy...
- Get your hands off me.
- Hey.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I-I know you. Connor.
How are you, friend?
These women
sure are ripe, eh?
- Hey, man. Come here. Come here.
- I'm good, man.
What are you doing here?
Um... I was just...
I was looking for the bathroom.
Mr. Snuggles.
Mr. fucking Snuggles.
Hey, I think the head honcho
of Cicada's here somewhere,
so I'm gonna have a look around.
I don't...
Uh, just one second.
Guys, where are you?
I haven't heard from you
in a long time,
and I'm starting to worry.
Do not come and get me.
Do not come and get me.
I'm-I'm okay.
Is everything okay?
Um, I'm not sure.
I think it might have shorted out
when you took it out of my head,
which was very sexy.
Are you really a spy?
I'm actually a super spy
for the US government.
And my friend's in the party.
I'm supposed to be
helping him spy on people,
but he never listens to me,
which is why I'm out here
and he's in there.
He's so egotistical.
He thinks he's the best in the world.
He doesn't know anything.
He barely knows art. Art, chess.
He thinks he knows chess,
but he doesn't.
And he's put me in a little big
mess and I'm a little pissed off,
but please
don't tell anybody.
Well, if you hadn't
have gotten in this mess,
you never would have met me.
That is true.
Hey, Phillip?
Ooh, my bad.
How many more
of these orgy rooms were there?
About 12. Yeah.
Then just skip ahead.
Not bad for a bartender.
Self-taught, outcast,
overlooked, late bloomer.
Despite the mountains
in your past,
despite the thorns
in your veins,
you have ascended
and made a crown of them.
And here we stand.
With every move we make,
something moves within you.
And like some distant ballet
of quantum entanglement,
that still small voice
within you whispers, "I'm home."
Don't try to think for me.
You're gonna lose.
You poor thing.
You poor, poor boy.
You have been deprived
of so much.
You still think the world
is so small.
There is a war raging above and below
you, and through you at all times.
And when we simply illuminate that
you have been told you were a pawn,
when you are
in fact a queen,
you spit at me
for simply shining the light!
You can spew
all the poetry you want,
you won't persuade me to think that
spreading that level of chaos is okay.
Draw the line then, Connor.
Tell me, please.
When poverty causes a father
to strike his own son.
When that ignorance
is guaranteed by the banks
and the corporations
and the governments...
When beautiful young minds are crushed
under the weight of that oppression.
And before your rise
in your righteous wrath,
they tighten the noose
around your passions.
So where is it, Connor?
Where is this line, huh?
Is it here?
Should they
remain in the dark, huh?
What about...
what about them, hmm?
Should they stay in chains?
Shackled to the depravity
of their leaders?
And what-what of...
what of these, huh?
Or these? What of them?
What good would they do awake?
Empowered? Enlightened?
No good at all, right?
So then just let them sleep!
Make no mistake about it,
We are at war.
It's up to you whether you
are a pawn or a queen.
You and no one else.
It is finally time
for us to emerge
and unleash a chorus
of ideas upon the world.
Connor, are you ready
for a promotion?
I'm thinking about it.
No, thanks.
To the final test.
Have a seat.
What is this?
Cicada 3301... is sacred.
And both of you
tried to poison the holy well.
Not me.
It's not obvious by now,
we know you have both
been working with them.
Oh, wait.
You two didn't know.
That is too cute.
You have this all wrong.
Oh, do I, Gwen?
My dear, why don't you
tell Connor your real name.
How do you know that?
Wait, Gwen's not your real name?
What's your name?
I work for the NSA, yes,
but I brought you files
that could change everything.
I've been trying to get you
these for months. I...
I thought the Cicada would protect
me, give me amnesty.
No? I'm trying to tell you
that I'm a traitor.
- Yeah, no shit.
- To the US. Not you.
- Gwen.
- Olivia.
Olivia is your name?
You've been lying to me
this whole time.
So did you.
I'm not in fucking NSA.
They used me to get to Cicada.
- They don't even know I'm here.
- Oh, actually, they do.
I'm sorry.
So none of it was real?
Are you a lesbian or not?
Are you serious?
Oh, please.
You primate.
Before you devolve anymore,
can we please just get back
to the final test?
Now, you have both proven yourselves
adept in a myriad of ways,
and so what lies in the center
of your treasonous square
is the only chance you get
at making things right.
Sins must be paid for in blood.
There is one bullet
in this pistol.
Gwolivia, if you wish
to join our cause,
you must put it in Connor
before he puts it in you.
And, Connor, vice versa.
If I shoot myself,
will you spare Connor?
That is adorable, but no.
As in life, doing nothing
is saying something too.
If you leave it to us,
both of your heads
will paint the floor
like a Jackson Pollock.
Yes? Gentlemen, please.
Ready... aim...
Shots fired. Shots fired.
East wing, second floor.
How's that for adorable, huh?
- Hey. Hey.
- I'm so sorry.
Hey, don't say anything.
I'm so sorry.
Don't say anything.
Come on.
It's all on there.
I-I-I don't understand
what you're saying.
Oh, God, you can take down
anyone in the world with this.
What? You sneaky librarian.
I knew there was
more to you than that.
- Here.
- I thought that I could pull it off
and no one would get hurt.
I'm so sorry.
No, no, don't talk.
Don't apologize.
Just hold this.
Listen to me,
if you don't get this
somewhere safe right now,
I die for nothing
and the world hegemony
goes on forever.
Listen, they're gonna
kill you, too,
once they have it, okay?
You need to go.
Go, you idiot!
There he is.
Tell me why
I shouldn't kill you right now.
- Wait! Just wait.
- Huh?!
My name
is not Phillip Dubois.
It's Charles Bundwig.
Uh... I'm just an actor.
You're fucking lying.
I'm not.
You're fucking lying!
I'm not lying!
I've got a wife
and I've got two kids!
I live in Coventry,
I do theater!
Look, look...
they've been feeding me
the lines.
They put money
in my account.
I thought it was
an experimental theater thing!
I didn't know the bullets
were fucking real!
Who paid you?
- I don't know. I never...
- Who fucking paid you?!
I don't know! It was all online!
I never saw them!
I don't wanna die.
Sit down.
All right. Okay.
Come on.
What are you typing?
What are you doing?
Waiting for
your big break, huh?
Can you get us out of here?
I'm gonna hide this
information where no one can find it.
This is mine. It's mine.
That's it.
You're gonna leave me alone,
I'm gonna leave you alone. Deal?
Fucking deal.
Ah... that's it. Come on.
- Open the goddamn door!
- Come on!
Come on!
Let's go.
All right, open up.
- Open the door, now!
- Shit.
They're coming in the door!
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Where are you going?
If you wanna live,
you gotta jump.
Come on!
I'm just terribly afraid
of heights!
He's got a gun.
- Fuck yeah!
- Oh, my God!
- We fucking got him!
- Yeah! Yeah!
Fuck yeah!
That's fuckin'...
How would I even pee?
All right, Connor.
Just don't die. Come on.
Mr. Snuggles.
Mr. fucking Snuggles.
I don't even know
if I have my goddamn earpiece.
Come on.
Shit. Fuck.
Oh, shit.
So I fudged a little
on how I got down. Big deal.
Mr. Bundwig was an actor?
Did I understand that correctly?
Yup. That's what he told me before
dipshit blew his brains out.
I'll be the first to admit
I don't fully understand
all the technical jargon
you've discussed here today,
but you have brought up
some issues about the NSA's
alleged use of
information-gathering techniques.
Fake charges, assault,
sexual harassment, torture.
I mean, I could go
on and on and on and on.
That is very concerning.
And not something
that was discussed
in the original FISA request.
You also have just incriminated
yourself in so many felonies,
I wouldn't know which
life sentence to begin with.
And the only evidence you claim to have,
in your words, "would set you free,"
as I understand it,
right here in this high heel?
Tell me what I'm missing?
Come on.
What the... I shut my ringer off.
You guys, man...
Fucking morons.
I mean, floating fish
in the middle of the room.
You guys really believe that?
Did you just admit
to lying under oath?
Oath? What is this, the mafia?
You guys and the oath.
It's a creative license
in telling a story.
The homeless guy who was
masturbating, that really happened.
What the hell is going on?
That phone call you
just received is a bot I created.
One out of 25
you're set to receive.
In a couple hours, you're gonna hear
about some breaking news around the world
about some documents
that were leaked.
Needless to say,
the vice president
will be sleeping on
the couch tonight, baby.
Countless others, including you,
will suffer the same fate
unless you transfer
some funds in my account.
Transfer? What...
I... are you
trying to extort us?
How dare you?
Mike, get security in here now.
Your Honor,
I think you better hold...
Mike, sit down.
You guys authorize unlawful
information mining every day.
I'm just cutting out
the middle man.
I want one million for every
batch you don't want released.
The schedule is for
every 30 days unless I check in.
If I don't check in...
So don't press your luck.
Oh, one more thing;
and Avi, I need him
released immediately.
He's my best friend.
I'll do anything for him.
What about Cicada 3301?
Maybe they'd bring
a little balance to the world.
I like what they're about.
Do I think we could get there
in a more cost-effective way?
Absolutely. But, hey,
it's not my war to fight.
I'll let you guys dig in.
I'mma bring about change
my own way.
And-and-and how do you
plan on doing that exactly?
One sheep at a time.
Give us a moment
to discuss this.
Mike, Sullivan, Carver.
Mmm, yummy.
I call this the Wet Cicada.
- Let's check it out...
- Yeah.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
Mm. Mm-mm.
- What?
- I don't like that one.
Wow, I thought
you'd like that one.
Put some bitters
in there and everything.
- Taste like soap.
- What?
- Nice soap.
- Right.
- Oh, you're so cute.
- Oh, actually, no tipping.
Your friend's here.
I'll take over.
Thank you, Tori.
Hey, you put an order in?
What is it?
Nothing. It's all good.
See you in a bit.
Thank you, babe.
Institutions grab
power by wrapping their hands
around the necks of individuals
and claiming ignorance
to inequalities
because no one
is making any noise.
And if Cicada isn't the answer,
it's the spotlight.
Our power comes in unity,
in being a voice for another
when they can't yet speak.
Is anybody there?
Oh, God. Not again.
Die, bitch!
Oh, God!
- Oh, Jesus Christ.
- No!
Oh, my God!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Oh, God!
Jesus Christ!
No! Not the book!
Fucking cool it, man.
I just came to return
a page of your book, okay?
Now you're really dead meat.
- Uh, your book.
- Oh.