Dashing Through the Snow (2023) Movie Script

[upbeat music]
[Eddie] Christmas, huh,
the chicken wing of holidays.
Yeah, I said it.
A lot of work and definitely overrated.
Don't get me wrong, I like a day off
just like the next guy.
But give me Juneteenth
or the Fourth of July.
Heck, I even get down
with Arbor Day.
At least then you plant a tree
instead of chopping one down.
And before you go calling me a hater,
you gotta know I have another big reason
for not messing with Christmas.
On this day,
everybody's expecting many gifts
but not me, all I needed was one thing.
So, I went all the way to the top,
to the one guy
that I knew could help
with this one request.
[Santa] Oh!
What do you want for Christmas, pally?
I already sent you a letter
to the North Pole.
I'm a little behind on my letter-reading,
so, what'll it be?
I want my parents to not fight.
Can you do that, Santa?
I don't know. Maybe.
My dad wants a collapsible fishing rod.
He loves to fish.
So, if you could bring him the rod
and he thinks it's from my mom,
well, that'll solve everything.
Is that your mom?
[Eddie] Yeah, that's her.
She look a little sad because
my dad's been gone for a few days.
So, Santa, can you do that?
Where do you live?
I thought it was a little weird
that Santa asked where I lived,
but look, the guy has so much
to worry about on Christmas.
Things were going exactly
the way I wanted them to.
My dad had come off his business trip
and made it home
just in time for Christmas.
What's all this?
Eddie asked if we could have
a proper Christmas.
It's beautiful.
My family was finally together
for Christmas.
First time in forever.
[exhales deeply]
Yeah, it's been a long time.
So we can make it all nice for Santa.
Right, Dad?
Yeah, because we wanna make it
nice for Santa, son.
Little old me had high hopes
for that night.
I mean, if you can't count on Santa Claus,
who can you really count on?
[upbeat music]
So, I bet on old Saint Nick.
And for a moment,
I thought I rolled sevens.
Hey, you stealing our stuff?
But instead, I crapped out.
[intense music]
[Eddie] No, Dad, no!
But nope.
He's come to help!
It wasn't Santa at all.
It was just that mall dude
in a rented suit
there to take instead of give.
While my pops was deckin' Santa's halls.
Because of him,
that was the last Christmas
we ever spent together as a family.
That's when I learned
not to count on Christmas.
Oh, yeah, and by the way,
if he ever asks,
don't give Santa your home address.
["Jingle Bell Rock" playing]
Jingle bell, jingle bell,
jingle bell rock
Jingle bells swing
and jingle bells ring
Snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun
Now the jingle hop has begun
[song continues over radio]
- ["Dashing through the Snow" playing]
- Yuck.
- [rap version of "'Tis the Season"]
- You kidding me, every station.
["Santa Got Stuck up the Chimney" playing]
[phone rings]
Well, hello, Baby Girl,
how are you today?
So good, because it's Christmas Eve.
Oh, yeah, that.
It's so dumb how you don't like Christmas.
Now, come on,
you know I like it just fine.
I just don't like the music,
decorations, ornaments,
the lights or the trees or the cookies,
and the excessive shopping.
You're a dodo.
Are you gonna come by later?
Of course I'm gonna come by later.
- [beeps]
- I wouldn't miss it for the world.
Hey, Baby Girl, I got another call.
Okay, then I'll see you later.
- Bye, Grumpus.
- Bye.
[phone rings]
- Moke, what up?
- Hey, Merry Christmas from Atlanta PD.
We need our favorite crisis counselor.
- Can you get down to the arts center now?
- Yep, I got you. I'm on the way.
[dramatic music]
[indistinct chatter]
Moke, talk to me, what's going on?
Check it out.
Do I even wanna know
what he's doing up there?
- Did you get a name?
- Nope.
You can take the ladder up.
Nah, I got this.
I'll tell you when
to send it up for us, alright?
Hey, good day to you.
That's a nice beard, man.
I've been trying to grow mine out
and it just doesn't work
for some reason.
- How you doing? You got a name?
- I'm Luther.
Luther, I'm Eddie.
And it's a pleasure to meet you.
- You police, Eddie?
- No, no, no, I'm a clinician.
Social worker. I work with the police.
I help people that might be
in some trouble
but not the police-needing
kind of trouble.
So tell me, Luther,
what are you doing up here?
I just wanna be up here on my own.
Okay, I get that,
but let me tell you something, Luther.
My job, okay,
the most important part of my job
is to never let someone
who feels sad and alone
keep on feeling sad and alone.
Yeah, well, I do feel
sad and alone today.
Yeah, Christmas can be tough.
That's right.
Did you have good Christmases growing up?
They were... they were the best.
- Did your mom do the cooking?
- Yeah.
My mom made the biggest darn roast
that you ever seen.
Yeah, mine did too, man.
- Did the meat fall off the bone?
- Straight off.
- What about the baby carrots.
- And molasses.
- Of course, yeah.
- [Luther laughing]
- And red potatoes.
- Red potatoes, I love red potatoes.
- Skin on or skin off?
- Skin on.
What do you take me as,
a savage, Luther? Come on, man.
You got a sense of humor, my man.
What do you say we head on down, huh?
I'll get you a bed
at Moonlight Mission, okay?
Maybe Christmas
doesn't have to be so tricky.
You believe that?
I believe in baby carrots
and red potatoes.
With the skin on.
[emotive music]
Hey, everybody, this is Luther.
He's thinking about
heading to the Moonlight Mission.
Let's send Doc Frawley by
to take a look at him.
Call our girl Naomi over there
at Finnegan's Chop House too,
tell them we'll need a few slices
of their finest roast.
With all the fixings, right?
My man.
I'll be by tomorrow to check on him, okay?
- Okay.
- Alright.
You have a very Merry Christmas, Eddie.
I don't know what that is
but it sounds awful.
[DMX "Up in Here" playing ]
Y'all gon' make me lose my mind
- Up in here, up in here
- Whoo!
Yeah, that's more like it.
Up in here, up in here
[reporter] With Christmas Eve
just hours away,
Congressman Conrad Harf
attends the lighting of the tree
here in Lakewood, just outside
the Atlanta Moonlight Mission
which provides transitional housing
and direct care
to homeless men and women.
Hey, Luther, my man.
Go on, get you that roast.
A Christmas tree is like a pair
of warm open hands
welcoming all to the season
of love and sharing.
For me, the true wonder
of Christmas Eve
is how it makes each of us,
no matter our age
feel like little children.
We are all one big family of man
and the very best gift we can give
is to help those who have the least.
I mean that.
[emotive music]
[Conrad] Always remember to be there
for your family, Atlanta.
[reporter] That was
Congressman Conrad Harf
giving that inspiring
and thoughtful speech.
[door knocks]
Hi. You look so shocked.
What do you see, ghosts
from your past, present and future?
[laughing sarcastically]
Very funny. Hey, Baby Girl.
Hi, Dad! We brought you Christmas dinner.
Wow. You are dressed up
in red and green.
In case you bring me
somewhere special.
I have to look the part.
Take this for me. Thank you.
Hold it up. Okay.
What's this about?
This is about me having
a high degree of confidence
that you were not gonna come by tonight.
I didn't want you
to disappoint our child on Christmas Eve.
Okay, so let me ask you,
what's the point of us doing therapy
if you're not gonna let me
try and prove to you that it's working.
Oh, Eddie, I was just giving you
a head start.
The ham is the kind you like.
- With the pineapple loops in it?
- And that brown sugar glaze.
You know what? Forget about the therapy.
Why don't we just go dancing tonight?
As tempting as that sounds, hmm, no.
I have some last-minute shopping to do,
but please have my child home by 8:30.
Wait, wait. You're leaving?
Uh, yeah. I mean, it's the first time
in what, almost a decade
that Daddy is not working on Christmas.
Sounds like some
daddy-daughter fun time to me.
- Daddy-daughter fun time?
- Your child loves Christmas.
- Yeah?
- I know, I know...
- Just have fun.
- I got it.
- You know me.
- Okay.
- I'm Mr. Fun.
- Alright.
Bye, baby, I'll see you later!
- Bye, Mom!
- [Allison] Have a good time.
Put that food in the fridge,
your daddy'll leave it out on the counter.
Oh, hold up.
I still don't understand why
we have to wear these dopey things.
[Conrad] It's called blending in.
It's Christmas Eve,
which is the genius of the plan
and also its inherent flaw.
You can't just show up
at people's homes.
This way, you look like
a bunch of happy carolers,
but you're actually
collecting money for me.
Yeah, call it Christmas camouflage.
- That's a good one.
- [Conrad] No, no, it's...
I was just about to say that, so...
Thank you.
Here's a list of the people
you'll be collecting money from.
Protect that iPad with your lives.
Think of it as a bribery menu.
[Eddie] Hey, so...
Does your mother have any new friends
I should know about?
- Really?
- You know, the type of friends
that might take her for meals
and put their arms around her
while watching Black-ish.
Oh, you mean like Roger?
- Um, do you have a green...
- No, no, no.
Did you say Roger? Who's Roger?
He wears a fur coat
and has tiny eyes,
but still looks like Bruno Mars.
Yeah, well, Roger sounds like a real jerk.
Roger's my hamster, Dad.
[Charlotte giggling]
You messing with me of all people?
You doing the dishes tonight,
you know that, right?
[carol singers singing]
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree
Dad, come look at this!
Isn't that nice?
They sound like a bunch of wounded ducks.
Baby, I gotta go next door
and feed the Mannings' cat.
They're in Cancun.
- You wanna come?
- I would but Gabriel and Taniya
are doing a routine.
Okay, well, I'll be right back.
- Don't go anywhere.
- Be nice to Pudding Foots.
Or she won't come out of her hiding place.
[Eddie] Her name's Pudding Foots,
I'm a grown man,
- I'mma call her cat.
- [Charlotte] That's a cute name!
[man] I can't believe
you let him steal the iPad.
Are we sure it's even in there?
Of course it's in there.
We tracked it here.
- Alright, let's go in there and get it.
- Wait, who is that?
I dunno, kinda looks like John Legend.
[exhales deeply]
[alarm beeping]
Pudding Foots.
Oh, Pudding Foots.
Here, kitty, kitty. [kissing noises]
Cat! Where you at?
If my name was Pudding Foots,
I'd hide too.
Where you at?
[alarm stops beeping]
[man] I knew I should've started
CrossFit after Thanksgiving.
[tense music]
Mm-hmm, I got those hippo hips.
Got the baboon butt.
Now, look at me, I'm stuck.
Excuse me, do you mind telling me what
you're doing in my neighbor's chimney?
- Can you see me?
- Yeah, I can see you.
What am I doing here, uh...
I'm just... I'm just hanging out, you know?
Doing an impersonation of a bat.
If the bat was Prince.
You know, the singer.
- So we call him Prince bat.
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
But you gotta go, you in a lot of trouble
but I'mma get you out.
- That'll be blissful.
- You ready? One, two...
- [grunts]
- Three!
[chuckles] Wow,
I was really stuck in there.
It's not because I gained weight,
you know?
Anywho, can we forget all about this?
Can we not tell nobody
about me trapped in the chimney?
Plus, I got a long night ahead.
I got things to do, as you can see.
Excuse me.
Hey, do you hear me talking to you?
Hey, that's not your fridge.
I mean, seriously?
Simple dictums, tainted,
traditional, time-honored customs.
So they got capers but no bagels, no lox.
- No green onion shmears?
- What are you doing?
I'm looking for cookies and milk.
And they don't have either.
They don't have neither... either.
I've never been clear on the difference
between neither and either, are you?
Neither matters right now because it seems
as if you've broken
into my neighbor's home.
Now, you seem a little confused.
Are you confused?
[inquisitive music]
- Now, do you mind if I frisk you?
- Whoa, whoa, Hands McGee, okay?
- Are you the police?
- No.
But I work with the police.
If I can be honest with you, you don't
really look like you work for the cops.
You look like you sell copy machines
to people who don't want copy machines.
- [chuckles]
- Bang.
Official. You see that?
- Atlanta Police.
- I can barely see that.
Thought I left my glasses in the sleigh.
Oh, they're right here.
- In the sleigh?
- Yep, I have a sleigh.
That's not obvious?
- Sleigh?
- Okay, maybe this will jog your memory.
"He sprang to his sleigh,
to his team gave a whistle,
"and away they all flew
like the down of a thistle."
S... Stop! Stop talking.
What are you doing in my neighbor's house?
I am here to drop off gifts
to the Mannings.
You know the Mannings?
Of course, they're on vacation
right now in Cancun, right?
They're about to come back
with these embarrassing cornrows
which is really weird to see,
but it is what it is.
Look, I've had a long night, I had
a mishap at another client's house
and I'm over here having
another mishap with another client.
Just a little fun fact about me,
I call them clients.
Excuse me.
I got stuff to do, gifts to give.
My man, you gotta stop.
Alright, I'm gonna frisk you
just to be safe.
You know something?
Have at it, frisk away.
Now, watch out, though, I'm ticklish.
- Turn around.
- Alright.
You know, going around the globe,
giving out gifts,
no creatures stirring, not even a...
What is this?
Those are carrots.
Those are apparently my snacks.
The missus said I need to eat healthier
so she decided to give me carrots.
She thinks this will wean me
off the cookies.
Hasn't worked so far. [chuckles]
This is sad.
- What's your name?
- My name is Nicholas Sinter-Claus.
Nicholas Sinter-Claus?
I'll slow it down for you.
[speaking very slowly] Sinter-Claus.
Oh, like Santa Claus.
- Yes!
- That's cute.
Wow, that was like pulling teeth.
- And what's that for?
- This is my naughty and nice list.
An iPad?
That's right, we've modernized it
by still keeping it traditional.
If I can get this thing unlocked.
[Nick] I can't unlock it.
Somebody else
must've did the face recognition.
Try your face. Okay, your face don't work.
Looks like I'm gonna have to freestyle.
[Nick] Oh, man, am I behind.
If I don't make it back for sunrise yoga,
Mrs. Claus is gonna be mad.
- She loves my flexibility.
- [Eddie] So, we'll get you looked at
and then we'll talk
about things from there.
- Oh no, I gotta call the boss.
- No, I will call the boss.
[Eddie sighs]
Dad, is everything okay?
Everything is fine, I just need to take
this nice man here to the doctor.
I'm gonna call your mom
and tell her to come get you.
What? Now?
I know, it's just that this man
really needs help, okay?
Umm, hey, how you doing?
Your name is Charlotte, right?
- How do you know her name?
- Yes, who are you?
Come on, when you see all this,
you can't tell who I am?
- What about the white beard?
- Yeah.
Don't you think
if you gonna claim to be Santa,
that you should include
his signature attribute?
Okay, look, the whole
white beard thing is a myth.
Started by the Scandinavians.
As soon as they said I had a big
white beard and a little curly mustache,
everybody believed it.
Okay, fine, I dyed it, alright?
I'm going through a midlife crisis.
I am 1,462 years old.
If I wanna look younger
for at least three years, I deserve that.
So, you're Santa, huh?
When were you born?
A lot of questions, little Oprah.
- I was born in 200 AD.
- And where?
- Alright, uh, Anatolia.
- What's Anatolia?
And you're Gayle, too.
Anatolia is what Turkey is now.
You speak pretty good English
for a guy who was born in Turkey.
I'm very diverse.
I speak 172 languages and dialects.
Baby, I'mma take you home first, alright?
And then I'll deal with Mr. Sinter...
You know something, I do need help.
Luring my reindeer.
The reindeer.
How do you do that?
Now, Prancer has separation anxiety,
and Dancer hasn't been eating well.
Yeah, he's got somebody with him.
So, what do you want us to do?
Dr. Galoshes said it could be
a stomach flu, I don't know.
- Dr. Galoshes?
- Yeah, Dr. Galoshes.
Dr. Galoshes is the best
penguin doctor in the North Pole.
And see,
it's not because he treats penguins,
it's because he's a penguin
that's actually a doctor.
[both chuckling]
Now, check this out.
This little clicker
is powered by Christmas spirit.
Look at the sky right now.
What you're about to witness
is a sleigh being pulled
by eight bold and beautiful reindeer.
[magical music builds]
[car alarm beeps]
Must have mis-paired the Bluetooth.
Baby, as you can see, this guy
definitely needs some help, okay?
He's trying to call reindeer
out of the sky.
I'm gonna drop you off first
and take this man where he needs to go.
You know something,
I definitely need to be checked out.
I'll check on these reindeer later,
you know?
Yeah, we should do that.
Like I've been saying.
[inquisitive music]
[Nick] Santa fun fact number two,
- I sweat glitter.
- [Charlotte chuckling]
[Charlotte] That is so cool!
Here we are...
Comet, Vixen...
Bro, you doing way too much.
- You know my friend, David Banks?
- Yeah?
His dad said that Santa is Black.
They just changed all the history books.
First of all,
I love little Davie Banks.
He is having an amazing year,
that's one kid who won't be getting
cauliflower this year.
- Cauliflower?
- Yeah, we phased out coal a few years ago
'cause of the whole ecological,
you know, stuff going on.
Burning coal, there's a lot of it.
So, if you're naughty, you get a lump
of cauliflower in your stocking.
Dad, he is really Santa!
My real name is Nicholas Sinter-Claus.
Hyphenated, Santo.
You know, I took Mrs. Claus' last name.
We're progressive up there,
you gotta move with the times.
But I also got a few nicknames,
we got K Cringe, we got S Clau,
we got Ro-ho-ho.
Oh, my favorite, Gifty McPresents.
The Third.
Okay, so, if you're really Santa Claus,
then tell me
what Charlotte wants for Christmas.
First of all, she wants
a Rise Up, Sing Out t-shirt, right?
Number two, she wants
the Anna and Elsa dolls,
'cause she loves Frozen.
She wants a pretend make-up kit
and lastly, she wants a pink scooter.
He's right! Oh my gosh, see Dad?
I've never met an eight-year-old girl
that did not want a pretend make-up set.
Eddie, would you happen
to have some cookies
or other affiliated baked goods?
I'd take a Girl Scout cookie,
a vanilla wafer,
I'd do oatmeal raisin,
I just need a cookie.
Oh and look,
I got a doctor's note right here
that says I can have the snacks.
[Eddie] Let me guess, from a penguin?
[Nick] No, from my other doctor,
Dr. Buttons.
Look, I'm sorry for the penmanship.
Dr. Buttons is a cat that paints.
- W... Where did you get this?
- My secret Santa pocket.
I checked all your pockets.
Yeah, that's why it's called
a secret pocket.
I keep all types of things in there.
I got reindeer food in there,
uh, I keep yak repellent.
Oh, I got tinsel, like, removers,
a little brush, you knock
the tinsel right off, comes off easily.
Also, do you understand
that I'm missing work right now?
This is the first time
in thousands of years.
I've never missed a night.
Sorry, Nick, my dad
sort of hates Christmas.
That's okay, Charlotte,
he has his reasons.
Hey, what are you talking about,
I have my reasons?
What does that mean?
Eddie, I know everything.
[Nick] I know everything,
that's not just like a slogan.
- No, it is a fact.
- I'm sorry, wait, wait.
What's that smell? Do y'all smell that?
- [Eddie] What is that?
- What smell?
I don't know, it kinda smells like...
Like cinnamon.
That would be me. [chuckles]
- What would be you?
- Santa fun fact, it's number three.
Santa farts smell like cinnamon.
- [Charlotte giggles]
- I'm sorry, what?
Oh, there he is.
[tires screeching]
[horn pumping]
[intense music]
[tires screeching]
- [horn honking]
- Pull over.
- What?
- [woman] Pull over!
[Eddie] What are they, nuts?
Oh no!
- Man, who are they?
- It looks like a snowman and an elf...
And a nutcracker,
AKA every Tuesday at my house.
Are you kidding me? Go!
[dramatic music]
[tires screeching]
[intense music]
- Oh... Oh no!
- [indistinct]
I think we lost them.
- Are you okay, baby?
- Yeah.
What was that?
Man, you know people
get crazy on Christmas Eve.
- This stuff happens all the time.
- Come on, come on.
No, no, don't do this to me now.
[suspenseful music]
[phone ringing]
- [Conrad] Hello?
- We lost him.
How is that possible?
I don't know, it's been a long night, sir.
- You know what else is long, Mary?
- What's that?
- Prison sentences.
- Oh, Congressman...
But let's not torture ourselves
thinking about what can happen to us
if that thing falls into the wrong hands.
My house is a wreck!
- I know, I'm sorry, sir.
- Bologna soup.
Fish patties. Turkey-fried turkey.
These are some of the things
they serve in prison.
Which is where we will end up
if you don't find that iPad.
Hold on a moment.
[Conrad] A few
of my constituents are here.
Glory to God
- [Mary] We'll get them, sir.
- Shut up.
O come let us adore Him
O come let us adore Him
O come let us adore Him
Christ the Lord
Find him, find him, find him,
you have the capability.
Bring me that Santa Claus!
[Eddie grunts]
Hold on, okay? I'm gonna call a cab.
Just gimme a second, we'll be okay.
[dial tone]
[sound of interference]
["Dashing through the Snow" playing]
O'er the fields we go
[music abruptly stops]
You have a phone?
Mine's picking up some weird signal.
I don't need a cell phone.
If I need to message somebody,
all I gotta do
is call my flock of puffins.
Check this out.
P... Puffins?
You know something, I forgot.
I gave them the holidays off.
This is what I'm gonna go,
I'mma take you down to Atlanta PD.
See, I got a friend named Bobby Carlotta.
I went to high school with him,
now he's a detective
and he can get you to the hospital,
get you the help that you need.
[Eddie] Simple as that.
Then you and I, Baby Girl,
we can go to your mom's and wait.
I can't believe she's still out shopping.
Oh, she loves last-minute shopping.
Which is fine by me. Shop, mamma, shop!
Ooh, I love that. Shop, mamma, shop.
- Shop, mamma, shop!
- Shop, mamma, shop!
- Please don't stop.
- Please don't stop.
- Go to all the stores.
- By them gifts galore.
Shop, mamma, shop!
- Wow, that was fun.
- Y'all make such a great little team.
- She's amazing.
- [Eddie] I love it. Um...
When I bring you in,
I'mma do you a little solid, okay?
When I talk to Bobby,
I won't mention the breaking and entering.
Okay? I'm just gonna let him know
that you might be an individual
that is going through a bit of a crisis.
- And needs an evaluation.
- Mm-hmm.
You get where I'm coming from?
- Oh, I got you.
- Okay.
But you know who you need to help?
Bobby Carlotta, your classmate.
Loves Union Pacific train sets,
that's right.
I've given him one every Christmas.
But he doesn't want nobody
in the precinct to know
that he loves to sit at home
and play with train sets.
Got me?
Yeah, got you.
Just like you're a grown man
acting like Santa.
Kinda like that?
[tense music]
- Anything?
- No, we lost him.
Oh, wait, there he is. We got him.
- [man] Where?
- Up here, make a left at the light.
[phone ringing]
Hey, how's it going?
- I'm just checking on y'all.
- Listen, she is having a ball.
Oh, really? Well, that is amazing.
Well, I was hoping that maybe
once you drop her off,
we could have a drink,
'cause I found this really cute recipe
for peppermintinis
where you coat the glass
with crushed candy cane and...
Wow, that definitely sounds great.
- We might be just a little late.
- Wait, why?
Daddy-daughter fun times,
just like you said.
Daddy-daughter fun time. [chuckles]
Okay, well, I'm finishing up
this last-minute shopping
and I'll see you soon for peppermintinis.
Yeah, can't wait.
Okay, bye.
We really need to get home.
Mom and Dad are separated,
they see a therapist.
- Charlotte.
- It's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Therapy's a good thing.
Me and Mrs. Claus see a therapist too.
Let me guess, another penguin?
No, our therapist is not a penguin, Eddie.
[chuckles] He's a walrus.
That's right, Arturio Tuskanini.
- Tuskanini?
- Mm-hmm. Dr. Arturio Tuskanini.
Look, Eddie, me and the missus
have rough patches too.
We've been married for centuries.
- Every couple has problems.
- Centuries...
So, what's triggering you?
Hey, that's really none of your business.
I would like to know too.
Why don't you and Mom get along?
Hey, hey, we get along just fine.
It's just sometimes, people,
they... they stop fitting together.
[tense music]
[Eddie] I will admit, I...
I don't like when she gets sad either.
[dramatic music]
I think that there's some things
about tonight we can just leave out.
I mean, like us being downtown.
- [Nick] Gotta dash.
- Nick!
[Eddie] Nick!
[Eddie] Nick!
We got you!
- Come on, Charlotte.
- What about his bag?
Don't worry about it,
this man needs our help.
[indistinct chattering and party music]
Let's go.
[Eddie] Okay, listen baby,
whatever you do, do not let go of my hand.
[Charlotte] Don't worry, I'll protect you.
There's too many of them.
Oh, sorry.
Where is your outfit?
My bad, my bad.
[band performing jazz rendition
of "Deck the Halls"]
Don we now our gay apparel
This place is great!
[Eddie] This is definitely
a recurring nightmare I've had.
Let's hurry up and find him
so we can get out of here.
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Let's go.
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Strike the harp and join the chorus
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Follow me in merry measure
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
While I tell of Yuletide treasure
Fa la la la la, la la la la
[audience cheering]
Alright, everybody,
let's keep things going.
We got a special guest for you,
he's got an oldie but goodie
he wants to sing,
I know you gonna like it.
- Do you see him?
- I see lots of him.
[Charlotte] I can't tell them apart.
[band playing "Run Rudolph Run"]
Out of all the reindeer,
you are the mastermind
The mastermind
Run, run, Rudolph,
Randolph ain't too far behind
So run, run, Rudolph
Santa's gotta make it to town
Make it to town
Make it to town
[man] Excuse me.
Santa make him hurry, tell him
he can take the freeway down
[man] No!
I'm reeling like a merry-go-round
Said Santa to a boy,
Child, what have you been longing for?
Come on, Dad. [grunts]
All I want for Christmas
is a rock-n-roll electric guitar
And away went Rudolph
Whizzing like a shooting star
[Eddie] Coming through.
Out the way, out the way.
Hey Nick. Hey, hey, Nick!
Hey, Nick, it's Charlotte!
Oh, hey, Charlotte, come on up here.
She's good.
- Hey, hey, man, what are you doing?
- What you got? Show me what you got.
That's my daughter, bro.
What you doing?
[music continues]
Okay, okay, that's impressive.
But let me show you
what we do at the North Pole.
Check this out, this here's
called the North Pole shimmy.
- [Nick] That's right.
- Ooh! Yeah!
- [Eddie] Baby, hey!
- Dad, come on up.
Yeah, yeah, he's good.
- Baby, what're you doing?
- Just do what I do.
Have a little fun! The North Pole shimmy.
Oh, come on.
Good job!
Hey, Eddie and Charlotte,
why don't we get up out of here?
[Nick] Yeah!
[Nick chuckles]
[Charlotte] Wow!
Dad, watch this!
- No...
- I'm literally flying!
[indistinct]... go, man.
[crowd cheering]
[crowd gasps]
How come none of y'all caught me?
[music continues]
Make it to town, make it to town
[crowd cheering]
Go, go!
When is this night gonna be over?
He couldn't have gone too far.
Can't we just let him go?
Baby, I want to let him go
and get you home to your mom,
- but I just can't, okay?
- Why?
Because the most important part
of Daddy's job
is to never let someone
who feels sad and alone
keep on feeling sad and alone, okay?
I don't think he feels sad and alone.
I actually think he's one
of the jolliest people I've ever met.
And that's because
you're too young to understand.
No I am not!
You just don't like him
because he's Santa Claus
and you hate Christmas.
He's not Santa Claus
because there's no such thing...
Let's get you home.
Something we should've done
a long time ago.
Look, Dad!
[Charlotte] Remember, he sweats glitter.
["Nutcracker" theme playing]
Nick, that was so cool,
you were incredible!
Oh, thank you!
I would say I missed you,
but it's only been, like 10 minutes.
Hello, Edward.
You mind telling me
what that was back there?
You mean that amazing performance?
I had so much fun.
I never pass up an open mic.
I can do any genre, too.
I can do R&B, I can do jazz...
Yeah, I'm not talking
about the little performance,
I'm talking about you jumping
out of a moving cab.
- Who were you running from?
- Oh, that. [chuckles]
That was nothing.
Charlotte, check this out.
They really got it right.
- So, is this how the North Pole really is?
- It is.
[gasps] They even depicted
the candy cane department.
That looks amazing but...
Hmm, the only thing missing
is Ms. Paloma Sharp.
Who's she?
She invented the candy cane.
[Nick] So, her dad was really old,
really elderly, right?
And he broke his ankles,
so she created crutches out of caramel
but they really wasn't sturdy, so...
So instead of crutches,
she gave him a cane.
- That's right, they called it the...
- [both] Candy cane!
[both chuckling]
Can I have a word with you
for a second, please?
You can have a whole paragraph
if you want to.
Okay, listen, I'm trying to be
as compassionate as I can be.
I wanna help you, but you gotta
stop messing with my kid's head.
She's a sweet girl
who's just overly trusting
with this wild imagination.
Let me get this straight,
you don't think that's great
characteristics for a person to have?
Not if it's gonna set her up
for disappointment.
Life is hard and as her father,
I have to protect her.
You understand?
I understand that you need
a puppy for Christmas.
- That's right.
- A puppy?
- Mm-hmm.
- I don't want a puppy for Christmas.
Oh, yes, you do 'cause puppies are loving
and soft and when you're mad,
they just knock down the walls with love.
Love is like a bulldozer...
Bulldozer is a perfect name for a puppy!
[Eddie] I don't want a puppy
named Bulldozer for Christmas!
- I want you to have a puppy, Dad.
- Char, please...
- Nick!
- Come on.
- Come on.
- Nick!
Wait. Nick. Nick!
Listen, I know in your world
you don't like to give straight answers,
but who is that following us?
I don't know, I really don't.
But what I do know is there's
two billion children all over the world
expecting me to deliver
Christmas gifts tonight.
Whatever, fine,
but we need to call an Uber, okay?
Maybe my phone is working again...
[Nick] I bedazzled it. You're welcome.
- [giggling]
- When did you do this?
I did it in the cab while we were
being chased by those bad guys.
Don't bling anything else
of mine, or else.
- Do you hear me?
- [horn honks to tune of "Jingle Bells"]
Saint Nick! Hello!
- Nick, where you going?
- Our ride is here.
Dad, our ride is here!
What ride, what're y'all...
Hey, hey!
Hey! Hey!
What are you doing?
These people 'bout to take us
to safety and there's room for us all.
- Charlotte, come on.
- Hey, hey.
We are not getting in a van
with strangers.
Oh, Eddie, they're not strangers.
I know exactly who they are.
- See, he knows who they are.
- [man] There!
Come on, Eddie, time's a-wastin',
we gotta get out of here.
- Come on, get in. Yes!
- [distant shouting]
[dramatic music]
[horn honks to tune of "Jingle Bells"]
- It is really you?
- Yep, it's me in the flesh.
This is a dream come true.
It's incredible.
- [girl] And he's in our van.
- Where'd you get those boots?
This is unbelievable!
- Santa.
- I know!
I'm sorry, can you take us
to the Atlanta Police Department?
- 1045 Young Boulevard.
- Absolutely not. [chuckles]
We're the Truckles.
I'm Sonia, that's Kayleigh,
and Diego and up here
at the wheel is Martin.
Holly jolly, Seor Claus.
Holly jolly it is.
Let me tell you,
I am so happy to meet y'all.
What? I thought you knew them.
I do know who they are.
They are my fans.
- The biggest fans.
- [Martin] Number one.
- Ever.
- Super fans!
I love it!
- Truckle gang, give me an H.
- [all] H!
- Give me an O.
- [all] O!
That's the flow, now run that back for me
three times, what do ya get?
[all] Ho-ho-ho!
[all] We do Christmas!
- [brakes screech]
- Oh my God, okay.
- Honey, please. Keep us safe.
- Holly jolly.
- We are not gonna crash tonight.
- Not with our precious cargo.
And the kids.
Yeah, okay, you do Christmas,
but what's your job?
What do you do for a living?
- We're the Santa Seekers.
- The Santa Seekers?
- We seek Santa.
- Whoa, whoa...
So I'm looking at all this equipment here.
- This is how you found me?
- Yeah.
- I made all this.
- Our Kayleigh is a whizz
with the computer stuff.
Every Christmas, Kayleigh hacks
into NORAD systems
so we can track on our own.
We discovered Santa was just
a few blocks away from where we were.
At Tommy Tom-Tom's All Night Greek eating
our traditional Christmas Spanakopeeta.
Spanakopita, honey.
Tommy Tom-Tom's!
On Elm Street, that's right, Tommy wanted
a kebab slicer for Christmas
and a vertical broiler
because his old one's pretty much broken.
- Those get really hot, too.
- That's the Santa Signature.
- See how it moves as we move?
- [Charlotte] That's so neat!
Sorry, does anybody have a phone?
I need to call the police.
- And mine is, uh...
- What happened to it?
He happened to it.
Guilty as charged.
- It's beautiful.
- [all] Amazing.
Please do not encourage him.
Oh, this is the perfect time
for my "Songs for when I finally
find Santa" Spotify playlist.
- No, you don't have to do that for us.
- Yes, hit it, Kayleigh!
No, no, don't do that.
There's no need.
Tell us something about the reindeer
that no one knows.
Well, check this out, here's
a little known Santa fun fact number four.
- Come on.
- We know reindeer love to fly.
But they have other skillsets
like they're good at giftwrapping,
they can make pasta from scratch.
Matter of fact,
they make a mean pot roast.
The meat comes off the bone!
But, what they're most skilled at
is protecting Santa Claus.
That's right,
they all got a bunch of special skills.
So if you mess with Santa,
you messing with the reindeer.
- [Diego] Really? Wow.
- [Nick] Oh, and another one.
They do not like Christmas music.
No way.
Matter of fact, their favorite song
is the theme from Rocky.
- [Martin] Who doesn't?
- That's ludicrous.
It's true. Well, this is my stop.
[intense music]
[panicked shouting]
[Eddie] Not again.
What's up with this guy?
[Martin] The turtle dove
has flown the coop, honey.
[Sonia] The partridge left the pear tree.
Hey, listen, did we offend Saint Nicholas
with all of our questions?
Char, come on.
Listen, I already told you,
he's not Saint Nicholas, okay?
- Of course he is.
- Of course he is.
Buddy, 1045 Young Boulevard,
I'll take you there.
- We're good, just keep doing Christmas...
- [Sonia] Don't slam the door.
You just made the naughty list.
I can't believe
he just jumped out of the van.
Dad, aren't we going to find Nick?
Nah, I think maybe you were right.
Maybe we just let him go.
I mean, if he wants to keep playing Santa
all night, let him play.
It's not like he's hurting anybody.
What about you saying
the most important part of your job
was to never let someone
who was feeling sad and alone
keep on feeling sad and alone?
What about you saying
he was the jolliest person ever?
- Remember that, huh?
- I just think he might need our help, Dad.
Whether he's Santa or not.
[magical music]
[giggles] Come on, Dad!
[buzzer sounds]
- What is going on?
- Look, I recognized the neighborhood.
And I was like, wait a minute,
I got some associates here.
So I figured we go in,
you call your police
and I get some supplies.
Who is it?
- It's me, Boss Tinsel.
- Oh my God, Nick?
Come on, Dad, can't we just go inside
and use the phone
to get him the help he needs?
These associates of yours,
they better not make any trouble.
Oh, come on,
my associates don't make trouble.
- My associates make toys.
- Dad, come on!
He said they make toys.
Okay, look Eddie, I get it, right?
You don't believe I am who I am.
But let me show you something
that'll completely change your mind.
Come with me.
[R&B version
of "The 12 Days of Christmas"]
On the first day of Christmas
my true love gave to me
[man] Yo, Nick!
St. Nick's here!
Ten lords a-leaping
Nine ladies dancing
Eight maids a-milking
Seven swans a-swimming
Six geese a-laying
What up? It is Christmas.
I mean, the most magical time
of the year, Eddie.
I get it, you're a doubter,
you don't believe in anything.
But I ran into my fair share
of doubters in my time.
But once I show them
this wonderful workshop full of toys,
everybody's converted, check this out.
I mean, when you see all these toys,
your mind is gonna be blown.
[suspenseful music builds]
Um, Nick, where are all the toys?
Yeah, Nick, where are all the toys?
Yes, the toys.
You know what, the elves,
the elves took it on the road
because it's already Christmas morning
in Australia.
Or maybe Christmas afternoon.
Maybe Christmas evening.
I'm not really good at time zones.
You would think I would be,
but I'm terrible.
You know, Gerald and Lucille
will explain everything.
Let's go inside and meet the crew.
There he is, my man.
Sorry skip, we finished the work early
so we started the party.
[Nick] Of course you did,
that explains why there's no toys.
Hello, Nick. [gasps]
And who is this cuteness?
This little pepper right here
is Charlotte and that's her father, Eddie.
[Nick] Eddie's a non-believer.
Really? Oh, Claustrophobic.
- I'm sorry, what?
- Claustrophobic, fear of Santa Claus.
I'm just gonna ask one more time.
- What is this place?
- Look here, Eddie.
There are two billion families
in over 160 countries
that celebrate Christmas.
Yeah, so?
At an average
of 1.8 children per household,
Nick here delivers gifts
to a bazillion kids.
- A bazillion?
- It's crazy, right?
Yeah, that is.
It's not the only thing crazy.
Look, I can't produce all those toys
at the No' Po' like that.
- So, I outsource.
- That's right.
With satellite operations in every city.
- Did you say No' Po'?
- [Nick] Yes, the North Pole.
[chuckles] Oh, Lucille,
please tell me you have some cookies.
I got a test for the quest and found out
that my blood sugar was pretty low.
So, I need some cookies.
Do I have some cookies? Of course!
- Yes!
- To the kitchen, for some cookies.
Dad, cookies!
Gerald and Lucille,
y'all outdid yourselves this Christmas.
Look at these Christmas cookies!
All this deliciousness. [chuckles]
Now, I'm only supposed to have
two cookies, but I might cheat today.
But if I cheat, I gotta call
my weight coach, Dr. Parnis
and Dr. Parnis is a lemming
so if he hears the bad news...
- He might jump off a cliff?
- Exactly.
[both chuckling]
Oh, Charlotte, look how beautiful
these cookies are.
Hey, would you like to cookie up?
- Dad, can I cookie up?
- No.
- What even is that?
- I'm glad you asked.
See, what you do is you grab
one of these freshly baked cookies
and you put it towards your mouth
like this and then you...
Cookie up, y'all.
[all] Mmm.
It's just eating cookies, I don't see...
Listen, do you have a phone
that I could use, please?
Mm-hmm. It's right over there.
Bet you've never seen one of these before.
[phone rings]
- Hello?
- Alli, it's me.
Hi. Where are you guys?
Where are we?
You were supposed
to have her home by 8:30.
Listen, we'll be home soon,
we just got a little sidetracked.
- No, no, we're gonna be home soon.
- Where are you guys?
Um... we're downtown.
At this time of night?
What are you doing downtown?
Where is Charlotte?
She's right here by me.
It's a work thing.
Oh my gosh, you actually
found a way to go to work tonight.
- No, no, it's not like that.
- It was one night, Eddie.
I can understand you
maybe disappointing me.
- But to disappoint Charlotte?
- Disappoint?
She is having the time of her life.
Hold on, lemme let you talk to her.
Tell your mom that you're good
and safe and not disappointed.
- Tell her.
- Hi, Mom.
- Baby, hi. Are you okay?
- We're with Santa Claus...
And he has a penguin doctor
and he sweats glitter.
And there's these people,
Lucille and Gerald
and they aren't actually elves...
Oh, okay.
Okay, put your father
back on the phone, please.
- Everything's fine, I told you.
- Bring my child home.
- I will.
- And you know what?
- You can forget about the peppermintinis.
- Alright, I got you.
Problem here is that you've got
some brandy fruitcake crumbs
in the transmitter circuit.
But technically,
I don't see anything wrong.
So, how'd you end up
hanging out with this dude?
Look, the night...
The night started pretty normal.
You know, I was getting
all my out-of-towners out the way,
visiting all the homes
of the folks who are away, right?
The Harf family was supposed
to be in Florida, West Palm.
Or so I thought.
Here's a list of the people
you'll be collecting money from.
What I didn't realize was I was about
to interrupt a crooked congressman
who was being bribed to shut down
the Moonlight Mission.
Password is 4273.
It's my name, Harf.
Oh, one of the stops
is the homeless shelter
that you did the candle-lighting
ceremony at this morning.
That's right, the Moonlight Mission.
Mr. Marty Plaseck is going to pay me
to get his hands on that land.
Yeah, but, what's he want
with a homeless shelter?
He's gonna tear it down
to build a tire store.
[Conrad] What can I say? I'm a bad guy.
[Nick] Yeah, this guy
was a real carbuncle.
[Quad City DJ's' "What You Want
For Christmas" playing]
What you gonna get her for Christmas?
[Nick] Anyway, I put on my jams
like I always do for the out-of-townies.
[music coming from another room]
Look here Santa Claus
here's the deal
I'mma go to the club on Christmas Eve
And when I come home I wanna see
This underneath my Christmas tree
Wit dat big booty girl you left for me
Stockings on da fireplace
Some of that egg nog alizzae
Excuse me?
You can see me?
- [music stops]
- What are you doing here?
What am I doing... this is my house.
This is your house?
Oh, you know something?
I'm with the gas company.
Dressed as Santa?
B... Because we are...
We're rebranding.
We're trying to be more family-friendly.
We've decided to dress according
to the season, so, you know,
on Easter, I am an Easter bunny.
Halloween, I'm Dracula,
the old-school version
with the v-neck hairstyle
and the fangs.
It's all about the children growing up
'cause they're the future bill payers.
And because of that,
the children are the future!
[grunting and shouting]
[Mary] Ow!
[Nick] Ah!
[dramatic upbeat music]
[Conrad] Alright, that's it! Ah!
Hope you and your friends
like cauliflower.
[Conrad] Get him!
[Nick] And ever since,
these goons have been chasing me.
Wow, you gotta be kidding me.
You put me and my daughter
through this terrible night
all for some bungled burglary?
Eddie, look, it wasn't
some bungling burglary.
All this time,
I thought you really needed help.
I thought you had real issues.
Come to find out
you're just a common crook!
Okay, whoa, take it easy, fella.
- He doesn't mean that.
- Of course I mean it.
So, that's who they were, huh?
The people that tried to run us over.
The ones that's been chasing us all night.
- Is that who you tried to rob?
- He didn't rob anybody.
[shushes] Zip it, Willy Wonka.
Hey, hey, hey, bring it down.
That's the total opposite of me, okay?
I'm a leaver, not a taker.
All the charades this whole night,
all of the games.
Over! The whole night. Let's go, baby.
[Charlotte] You are not gonna
take away everything.
[Eddie] Everything. Even the cookies.
- [Charlotte] No!
- [Eddie] Yes.
[fax machine beeps]
Yes! Exactly what I was looking for.
- The night is not over yet.
- It's all fixed.
Thank you.
Bobby, this whole night
is just out of control.
It's been a complete nightmare!
Yeah, you need the address?
- Don't do this, Dad.
- Charlotte, please.
- No.
- 259 Perry Street.
Atlanta, Georgia, 30316.
Alright, everybody, this has been real.
But I'm shutting the circus down.
I'mma get everybody
the help that they need.
That means you, ladies, stop dancing.
Moulin Rouge is over.
Would you like some Christmas caroler
caramel confection?
- Where's Nick?
- On the roof retrieving the reindeer.
Gerald is seeing him out because
Nick has to deliver the gifts tonight.
Oh, he asked me to give you this.
Gerald, thanks for everything,
especially the cookies.
I'll be out your hair
in a minute, okay?
Anything for you, Nick,
you know that.
- Hopefully this thing works.
- It should work.
You know something, Gerald,
I know exactly why it's not working.
It's not working
'cause Eddie doesn't believe.
The fun is over. That's it.
You got to stop
with this ridiculous show.
- Wow, you really are a non-believer.
- Enough. Please don't start with that.
- And you're an old-fashioned thinker.
- Bro, you own a fax machine.
And a rotary payphone.
Okay, everyone,
let's be nice and cooperative.
You know, a whole bunch of people
are gonna wake up tomorrow
to discover Christmas is canceled.
- That's on you.
- I'll have to own that.
You know why? 'Cause I actually
prefer Thanksgiving a lot better.
[officer] Let's go, sir.
- [man] What do we do now?
- We improvise.
[Bobby] We'll put out an All Units
on that SUV
but without a license number,
it's gonna be tricky.
If you could just hold him
until Atlanta PD can bring full charges
so I can get Charlotte home to her mother
I would greatly appreciate it.
I don't think you're gonna have to wait.
We got a call
about 10 minutes after yours.
Eddie, this is detectives Jack Finer
and Zachary Strome.
- Nice to meet you.
- With the DeKalb County warrants division.
Turns out your perp's wanted in connection
with a whole spate of B&E's up there.
It's time for Ron to face the music.
- Ron?
- Ron Campbell.
AKA the chimney thief.
- He have any personal items?
- Just this.
What's that?
That's the reindeer clicker.
Eddie, what's going on?
What's going on
is you're not Santa Claus.
You're Ron Campbell.
A burglar from Atlanta.
- But you knew that, right?
- I have a bunch of aliases,
and that's not one of them.
Sometimes I go by Victor Van Vitch,
you got Freddy Cougar.
Mellencamp, that's a good one,
or my new favorite,
Lil Baby Claus.
All the rappers
got Lil and Baby in their names,
so I thought I'd try it too.
Please don't make this
more difficult than it has to be.
Eddie, listen to me.
These men are not who they say they are.
[Eddie] That's it, Nick.
Next time, come up with a better story
'cause there's no such thing
as penguin doctors
and reindeer who like to fight
to movie themes.
There's only honest people
and dishonest people.
And you know which one you are, right?
You really don't believe.
Nick, where are you going?
Honestly, I don't even know.
Take care of your dad, okay, Charlotte?
[Nick] So long.
- Little Bobby Carlotta.
- [Bobby] Mm-hmm.
No train set for you this Christmas.
I've given you 35 of them.
Play with the old ones.
No choo-choo for you!
No idea what he's talking about.
Dad, don't let them take Nick.
Charlotte, he was being untruthful.
Lying to us the whole night.
Okay? He's not Santa Claus.
I could actually use a snack,
I'm a little hungry.
Can we stop so I can get
some cookies or something?
Where is it?
- The tablet.
- I knew it!
I knew y'all were bad guys.
I had a feeling, right?
I'm supposed to know, it's part of my job.
- To know who's naughty or nice...
- Shut up!
Where is the tablet?
Well, I usually keep the tablet
in my secret Santa pocket,
but guess what,
it's not in there. [chuckles]
Right, right.
[menacing laugh]
You're welcome for us doing your job.
- Did you get it?
- No.
It's gonna take come persuading.
Harf is at the mayor's Christmas party.
See you there.
[Bobby] Yo, Eddie.
Found this in your guy's cell.
He didn't have it
when he was being processed.
Yeah, he has this thing where
he makes stuff disappear somehow.
I can't figure out how he does it.
- Think you could get me an Uber?
- Yeah, I got you.
- I owe you.
- Yeah, you do.
[tense music]
Oh, I can't believe it was that easy.
Oh, wow.
Can you believe
this is how they've been tracking us?
- The iPad?
- Yes, these are very bad people, Char.
Doing very bad things.
[jazz rendition of "Jingle Bells"]
[dramatic music]
Anyone smell cinnamon?
You know, feelers out there, and if...
[indistinct whispering]
Excuse me, gentlemen.
Oh my God, he's even trying
to shut down the Moonlight Mission.
[Conrad] A Christmas tree is like a pair...
[Eddie] Can you believe that?
He stands out there popping off
about all the good things
he's gonna do to that place.
Dad, look, those are
the guys who took Nick.
We need to help him.
He may be different
than who we thought he was, Dad,
but he's not a bad person.
I'll call my guy, Bobby, at the station
and let him know, okay?
I gotta un-bedazzle this phone somehow.
- What's that?
- Remember, Lucille gave it to me.
Said it was from Nick. Let me see.
[young Eddie's voice]
Dear Santa, instead of toys this year,
I would like my parents
to not fight so much
and to not get a divorce.
They are Theo and Brenda Garrick.
I have an idea for you.
My dad wants a collapsible fishing rod.
He loves to fish.
He catches bass and trout and shad,
so if you could bring him the rod
and he thinks it's from my mom,
everyone would be happy.
Thanks and safe travels
this Christmas Eve.
Your friend, Eddie Garrick.
We do have to help him.
- We do?
- Yes, we do.
- But we don't know how to find him.
- Look!
- Gimme an H, gimme an O...
- You're the smartest girl I know.
Alright, if you don't want a bad rating,
change of plan.
New address.
Hey, bud, you haven't touched
your chicken.
Oh, honey, don't be disappointed.
I get it, Santa jumped
out the back of our van
but at least we got to meet him.
[Sonia] And he knew who we were.
[Martin] He knew who we were,
he knew who you were.
We need your help.
- [Sonia] Oh, hey.
- What's going on?
- Oh, you.
- What do you need our help for?
- To find Nick.
- Alright.
[Tommy] Damn this thing!
Tony, how many times I tell you, huh?
How many times?
We need to get a new machine.
I can't work like this.
Where is he now?
He's right here!
- Right where?
- Uptown.
- Uptown where?
- Looks like the mayor's mansion.
- Then that's where we have to go.
- What for?
To save Santa Claus!
[excited chatter]
Somebody wants to do Christmas.
No, no, no...
[indistinct chatter]
[Eddie] Okay, let's just go.
- What do we do?
- [all] We do Christmas!
[Run DMC: "Christmas in Hollis"]
It's Christmas time
and we got the spirit
Jack Frost chillin', the hawk is out
And that's what Christmas is all about
Wow, is that snow?
We haven't had snow on Christmas Eve
in maybe 30 years.
Not maybe. It's been exactly 30 years.
We wanna say Merry Christmas
and Happy New Year
[jazz rendition of "Jingle Bells"]
[dramatic music]
- Where's he at now?
- Just outside the mansion.
- Are you okay, honey?
- Two months worth of CrossFit, honey.
- [Sonia] Alright.
- [Martin grunts]
- Be careful.
- I got this.
[loud thud]
Dad, I wanna go with you.
Not a chance, you stay here.
You guys keep an eye on her, okay?
Eddie, don't forget this.
Hey, Eddie!
- Huh?
- [both] Do Christmas.
Here's what I'm thinking,
I'm thinking you brought me here
to get the naughty
and nice list, of course,
but it's not the naughty and nice list
'cause you already have that.
So, when you're done with the list,
just give it back to me
so I can finish my deliveries
for the night.
- [phone ringing]
- Hello.
[Conrad] Let me see him.
Where's my tablet?
Like I told your associates,
I don't know what you're talking about.
You were in my house looking for it.
- Who do you work for?
- That's been a debate for generations.
You know? Some people think
I work for Mother Nature,
or Father Time,
and recently everybody thinks
I work for Beyonc.
But no, every married man
would understand this.
I work for Mrs. Claus.
Mrs. Claus is running everything,
whatever she tells me to do,
that is what I do.
As soon as I get out of this event,
you and I are going to have
a little discussion
and I'm not going to lie,
it will be painful for you.
- Mary?
- Yes, sir.
I'll meet you at the place
next to the thing
and we will get
this information out of him.
Copy that, boss.
- Let's get this over with.
- [phone ringing]
It's probably the boss to clear up
where the place by the thing is.
- Good, 'cause I had no idea.
- Yeah, boss?
[loud interference and "Jingle Bells"]
Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse open sleigh
Jingle Bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Where'd he go, where'd he go?
[Mary, distant] Go get him!
Hey, Eddie, how you doing?
- [groaning]
- [music continues]
[Eddie] What is going on in there?
Guess they heard
one too many Christmas songs.
[all groaning and moaning]
Looks like it's wearing off now,
let's get out of here.
[man] Claus! Right there.
[Mary] Get him!
Madam Mayor.
What a lovely party.
Thank you so much, Conrad,
that's so nice of you.
Now, what do you want?
[Nick] What're you doing here?
- I came here for you.
- What do you mean you...
- Did the Truckles track me here?
- Yeah, they did.
You know what? I love that family.
Look, there's one more thing
I gotta tell you, but...
Let's just get out of here.
I'll tell you later.
They can't guard him
and I'm the loud soccer mom.
I'm sorry, excuse me,
Madam Mayor, just a moment.
They got away.
You know, those bad guys
are after my naughty and nice list.
- Oh, macaroons.
- Yes, I know.
Harf is a congressman
on the House of Appropriations Committee.
He's been accepting bribes
and he's basically using it
like his own private piggy bank.
Those are a lot of words.
[suspenseful music]
Come on, come on, man.
So, the tablet that you took
contains a list of all the pay-offs
he intends to collect tonight.
You believe that, Eddie?
[suspenseful music]
[Conrad] Stop!
- You okay, boss? You look tired.
- [Conrad coughing]
Where's my tablet?
Like I said, I don't know.
Look, Santa,
I have no problem destroying this...
for every kid in America.
Oh, sorry.
He thinks I'm just local, no, I'm...
I'm global. [chuckles]
- What about you?
- What about me?
What's your involvement in all of this?
I'm just Santa's helper, that's it.
Eddie, did you just say...
- Did you just say that out loud?
- Don't do that.
That you're Santa's helper.
- You've come such a long way, Eddie.
- Don't...
Y'all heard that!
He said he's Santa's helper! [chuckles]
- Alright.
- That is partnership!
Okay, okay, alright, alright.
Okay, don't go too far.
- [Eddie] Calm down.
- What is happening here?
How can these two rob us,
outfox us, outrun us?
These two!
Man, you are not Santa Claus.
And you, you're not whoever it is
you think you are.
Why you messin' with me?
I didn't do anything.
Take them to the spot
and use everything we learned
on Google on how to extract information
from those who don't want
information extracted from them.
Yes, Conrad Harf!
When you were nine years old,
you wanted the Action Arthur ninja doll.
With the kung fu grip...
Yes you did, yes you did.
- Yes you did.
- I don't know what you're talking...
It had the little button in the back
and the foot and the arm would come up.
The right foot and the left hand
and it would do a karate thing.
But you wanted it.
It was tricky, we couldn't get it
because the gingerbread men
decided to go on a strike.
I know you really wanted that action doll
and I'm sorry I couldn't get it for you.
But it all makes sense now
which is why you probably got this weird
origin villain story right now.
Shut up!
You guys take care of this.
I got it.
Give me this.
[taps on iPad]
[Conrad chuckles] Very good.
- [Conrad] Now...
- Eddie, you gotta believe.
- Believe and magic happens.
- What shall we do about these two?
- What is that?
- Little known Santa fact number four.
Reindeer can do more than just fly.
They're great at gift wrapping,
making pasta from scratch,
and protecting Santa
against anybody that messes with him.
[magical music and jingles]
[jingles fade]
[Nick] Eddie, open your eyes.
[magical music builds]
[distant jingles]
[Rocky theme tune plays]
[all screaming]
Man, where have they been all night?
They've just been circling the sky
waiting on you.
Just waiting on you to have faith.
[bells jingling]
[tense music]
[LL Cool J:
"Mama Said Knock You Out" playing]
[grunting and screaming]
Don't call it a comeback
I been here for years
I'm rocking my peers
Putting suckas in fear
Making the tears
Rain down like a monsoon
Listen to the bass go boom
Turn those lights off!
[screaming] Please, no!
I'm gonna knock you out
Mama said knock you out
Don't you never ever pull my lever
[Nick whistling]
'Cause I explode
[music pauses]
I'm gonna knock you out
I'm gonna knock you out
I'm gonna knock you out
I'm gonna knock you out
- [music stops]
- [reindeer braying]
- How long will I be up here?
- It's what you get.
[Conrad] Mommy!
[upbeat, magical music]
- You see the reindeer?
- Yeah!
- You wanna go pet them?
- Mm-hmm.
You're so fluffy.
[Nick] Good job.
I missed you so much,
great job tonight, ladies.
[muttering] Alright,
let's get out of here.
[Eddie] Hey, Nick.
- You're forgetting something.
- [Nick chuckles]
Can't forget this. [chuckles]
Thank you.
[emotive music]
You know, this whole time you've been
trying to get me to believe in you.
I want you to know that
I wouldn't have got there
if you didn't believe in me first.
Look, Eddie, I would love
to take the credit for this, but...
It wasn't about me believing in you.
You know who truly believed in you
to make all this happen?
That amazing little girl
right over there.
Can you smile for me?
[Charlotte] Hi!
So, are these your brothers
or your sisters, or...?
Look, Eddie,
all I wanna do
is have you start believing again.
Like you once did, you know?
When eight-year-old Eddie
thought that a fishing rod
would solve all of his problems.
[Eddie] You know,
things aren't so bad, Nick.
Things aren't so bad at all.
Oh, before I forget.
Could you give this to Harf for me?
- Got it.
- Tell him it's from Santa. [chuckles]
[reins crack]
[magical music and jingles]
Bye, Nick!
You really pulled out all the stops
this year, Madam Mayor.
[Nick chuckling]
[signal beeping]
[Kayleigh] He's on the move!
So, my dad pressed
the reindeer clicker, right?
And that called the reindeer.
Are you getting this?
Should I start over?
Everything you need to know
about the crooked congressman
and his three stooges
is on there, alright?
Harf, before you go...
- He wanted you to have this.
- What is it?
- Guess you gotta open it and see.
- [scoffs]
No... No...
Action Arthur! Action Arthur!
I'm a good boy now!
- Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
- Yeah, okay...
- Get him in.
- Action Arthur, officer!
[Conrad chuckling] Action Arthur.
Maybe he really was Santa.
I told you the entire time.
[all chattering]
[Conrad] He's magic!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Aren't you guys a little old
to be believing in Santa Claus?
I'm 42.
[phone ringing]
Hello? Nick! You okay?
You got it, brother.
We are back, people! We are back!
[triumphant music]
Merry Christmas!
[all] One, two, three...
We saved Christmas!
Alright, let's roll.
Time to keep on trucking.
[emotive music]
It's okay, Dad, you'll do great.
Are you okay? Oh!
- I'm fine, we had the best night.
- Where were you?
I know you're not gonna believe me,
but we were with Santa Claus.
Okay, you know what, Eddie?
Now is not the time to mess with me.
No, no, baby, we were.
We were with Santa Claus.
I promise. Charlotte,
you gonna leave me out to dry?
- Back me up.
- Mom, Dad's telling the truth.
We were!
Now you've enlisted
our 8-year-old daughter
to go along with your shenanigans?
No, I would never do that,
I'm telling you.
Just listen for a second.
[loud thud]
What was that?
[suspenseful music]
What are y'all looking at?
What are you doing here?
See, I knew your story wouldn't fly,
so, I decided to help you out a bit.
Yeah, it crashed right into the ocean.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You're the Santa Claus...
Yes, I am The Santa Claus.
[Allison] Okay, well...
What's up with the hombre beard?
He dyed it because of his midlife crisis.
You, you...
This is all quite unbelievable.
You know what's unbelievable?
The look on your seven-year-old face
when you got
your Mr. and Mrs. Seahorse family playset.
You were so excited to have that.
You didn't think
you'd get a gift that year because...
My dad had lost his job.
I don't remember telling you about that.
You didn't, that's what I'm saying.
This is what I've been
dealing with all night.
Okay, goodnight.
[Nick] Wait, don't leave just yet.
Eddie here has something
he wants to tell you.
- I do?
- [singing] He knows what you are thinking.
I know what you're thinking,
so you gonna say it.
You gonna say it.
- Yes, I do, I do.
- He does.
- There you go, go ahead, do your thing.
- I... I'm going.
Okay, gimme some space.
- Allison...
- Allison...
You know something?
I'll be over here.
Allison, I think I've always been afraid.
Ever since I was eight years old,
I've been terrified
because on Christmas,
my parents split up.
So, when Charlotte turned eight,
it just all came flooding back.
And I figured it's safer to,
as you say, detach.
But that's not being safe, I know.
That's just being afraid.
Now I realize
none of that makes any sense.
Not when you have something
that you really believe in.
And for me, that's you.
And my beautiful daughter, Charlotte.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that
you two are my Christmas.
Every day of the year.
And I love you.
It took your buddy, Santa,
to help you figure out all of this?
He did a little bit, yes.
I'll give him a little credit.
Man, you gonna make me cry.
So, what did you think?
About what I said?
I think...
- It was alright.
- [Eddie] What?
I think I like it.
Santa, why is your bag moving?
I'm glad you asked.
I got a surprise for you.
Say hello to Bulldozer.
No, no, no.
[Charlotte] Hello, Bulldozer.
No, no, we do not need a dog, okay?
Yes we do.
We need a dog.
[Nick] If I'd known 30 years ago,
we could've saved your dad...
I'm so glad you agree, baby.
[emotive music]
Charlotte, look.
Christmas magic.
You're the man, Santa.
[Nick chuckling]
Look at this big boy.
My work here is done.
[mouths] Thank you.
Alright, Garricks.
[Christmas fanfare music]
Have a Merry Christmas.
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
[horn honking to "Jingle Bells"]
Are we expecting someone else?
Hey, guys, you wanna come in
and meet Bulldozer?
- [Sonia] Absolutely.
- [Martin] Absolutely.
[Sonia] Look, oh my...
Alright, ladies,
we got a long night to go.
[chuckles] And a lot of catching up to do.
[emotive music swells]
[bells jingling]
Bye, Santa!
[emotive music continues]
[upbeat music]
Your beard's as white as snow
Your gifts can warm the cold
You know everything I need
You're alright, you're alright with me
Santa, you're alright
You're alright with me
Santa, you're alright
Making sure your list is right
Flying through the freezing night
Before the smiles come morning time
Santa, you're alright
You're alright with me
Santa, you're alright,
you're alright with me
Santa, you're alright,
you're alright with me
You made me believe again
I feel like a kid again
Yeah, you made me believe again
Oh, I feel like a kid again
Your beard's as white as snow
Your gifts can warm the cold
You know everything I need
You're alright, you're alright with me
Alright with me
Santa, you're alright,
you're alright with me
Making sure your list is right
Flying through the freezing night
Before the smiles come morning time
Ooh, you're alright
You're alright with me
You're alright with me
Santa, you're alright
You're alright with me
You made me believe again
I feel like a kid again
You made me believe again
I feel like a kid again
Oh, Santa, you're alright
You're alright with me
Whoo, Santa, you're alright
You're alright with me
Santa, you're alright
Santa, you're alright with me
Oh, Santa, you're alright
You're alright with me, ow!